People Talk About Their Hefty 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Half-Sister My Mom's Wedding Items For Her Wedding?
“I (30f) have a half-sister (23f) who’ll be getting married sometime in 2025. Half sister is my dad’s child. She’s the child he had after an affair while married to my mom. My parents divorced when my mom learned dad had been unfaithful to her and things became more tense after she found out the person he was unfaithful with had gotten pregnant.
My dad told her that the other woman was out of the picture and my mom could have a second child she always wanted and we could be a family. I was there for part of the conversation because Dad wanted me to “be excited for a sibling” and thought it would win my mom over.
My mom stood firm with Dad. Dad would tell my half-sister that we had the same mom. He’d talk like that around me and tell me to shut it when I told him to stop lying. He also told me mom could be a kind person and step up for a child who had no mother (according to him the affair partner found someone else to be the affair partner and didn’t want to know my half-sister) When I was 11 my mom died. So I went to live with Dad.
About a year later Dad got married. But even after he got married he taught my half-sister that my mom was her mom. I’ll say whatever hope we had of a relationship was ended by my dad doing this because she wouldn’t believe me when I told her she had a different mom and she hated me for not giving her photos and stuff of mom’s and for not making my family acknowledge her as their granddaughter like I was acknowledged.
My dad’s wife never became a mom to my half-sister even though she admitted to desperately wanting one because she was so hung up on my mom.
Mom left me everything and my grandparents took care of the stuff for me until I became independent.
I wore some of Mom’s wedding jewelry on my wedding day as well as her veil. I didn’t invite my dad or any of his family, including half sister. But she saw photos.
So she reached out to me on social media and told me she wanted some of Mom’s stuff for her wedding and I said no. She told me now is not the time to be selfish and I told her she’s entitled to nothing and she’ll have to find other things to wear.
She called me names and I told her dad should have admitted the truth to her by now. She said she didn’t know why I was so adamant she wasn’t mom’s kid and it’s not fair because I got to be raised by mom for 11 years while she got nothing and for no reason at all.
Afterward, my dad’s wife reached out and told me how upset my half-sister was and asked me to please consider giving something because dad messed her up and she feels hated by mom and by me. My half-sister messaged again after this and told me I was being unfair to her and how I made Mom’s abandonment of her even worse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her you’d be happy to let her have something if a DNA test shows you’re full siblings. If she’s so certain, that should be a great offer. Make sure Dad’s nearby so you can watch him try to figure out how to stop it.
(The funniest outcome, given the affair partner moved on to another affair immediately, would be finding out you’re not siblings at all) ETA: I guess I should clarify that this scenario would mostly be funny because it would be a huge middle finger to by far the most gaping jerk in this scenario, Dad.
It would still suck for the sister.” muse273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course not. But consider your half-sister is as much a victim of your dad’s manipulation as you are, except she was not old enough at the time to know any better or do anything about it.
She’s grown up being told lies and believing them and probably had your dad telling her that you are just jealous etc etc. maybe a DNA test will help her to find out and accept the truth. If you look at her, not as your crazy half-sister, but as a victim of emotional mistreatment and as a child who was repeatedly lied to and manipulated, does that change your opinion of her?” jimbob19304
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad has messed your sister up for life, but hopefully, a DNA test will get her to back off of you. I cannot fathom why both your father and his new wife would rather feed and build up her delusion and harm you in the process than tell her the truth and get her the help she’ll need in the aftermath.
Though I guess it’s easier to make her harass you instead of being a responsible parent. Your dad’s a selfish jerk, your sister’s a delusional jerk. And never share any of your mum’s stuff with her. I hope they don’t know where you live either.” canyonmoon
18. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Stand Up To His Narcissistic Parents?
“I’ve spent many many years supporting my husband’s desire to be closer to his parents (60’s, wealthy, judgmental, very narcissistic – his words).
For 3 years I spent every 3-day weekend, and every holiday doing a 10-hour round trip to their house. They’d often have plans of their own and act like us being in their house was a vacation. I had to console him after each trip as they didn’t spend time with him, told him he was too sensitive, overreacting, and needed “to cry to his shrink that they put his diapers on wrong” when he tried to discuss how sad he was at their lack of connection.
Over the years he got increasingly more upset and hurt by them each time – we decided enough was enough. We’d lessen our trips.
We invited them to OUR house for Xmas, a year in advance. Six months before they told us they would not be able to find a dog sitter, and that we should instead go to them (we have 2 cats).
Throughout these years they have also made many passive-aggressive or blatantly rude comments to me (I grew up very poor). His father makes comments about my husband’s best friend’s partner (Chinese) that she married him for a green card. At Thanksgiving dinner in front of 15 guests, “she got what she wanted”.
Says horrible things about homeless people/poor people. His mother is the “why are you upset I announced your pregnancy on my Instagram and made it all about me becoming a grandma and never mentioned you?” type.
My husband and I had a rough patch a year ago.
In response, his parents sent us an email explaining that we should break up. That he was so happy before me, that I had a plethora of mental issues (I have PTSD with arguments, shut down with yelling, and I had a bout of depression during a difficult time, sue me.
That does not make a plethora.). The email was horrible, and hurtful, and ignored the fact that their son had been upset with them for those years because he was finally experiencing true support and love and…discovered he was extremely unhappy with his parents’ offering.
With me, he was the happiest he’d ever been. Around them, he was reminded of their meanness and constant negativity.
The problem is…once they sent the email, I was done. I had given enough. And I said I needed firmer boundaries from them, it was too painful, the constant insults were too much, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
And a switch happened, suddenly my husband defends every single insulting horrible thing they do, and now I am someone who “makes no effort” to be close to them. They now “walk on eggshells” with me (because we’ve asked them to not say blatantly rude things that hurt us?).
He defends them endlessly, and I am the scapegoat for their lack of closeness. He says he won’t pick sides and hates being in the middle. I feel like he now ignores all the years he said the very same things that I now say and feel hurt by.
Am I a jerk for thinking he should take my side and show a united front against his parents? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are his wife. He is supposed to be defending you from their cruelness but is failing to do so. I suggest individual therapy for each of you and marriage counseling.
Of course, if he doesn’t see this as a problem, then there may be some other steps that need to be taken because you don’t deserve to be treated like this.” Moonydog55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t like to be insulted and belittled? Gee, what a surprise!
That may be how his normal meter is calibrated, so he can tell himself “That’s just the way they are” and pretend to ignore it, but you don’t have to. He says he feels like he’s “in the middle”? Guess what? You didn’t put him there.
He put himself thereby not supporting you. Don’t do as I did and waste 30+ years trying to get along with an inlaw who hated me long before they ever met me.” TheFilthyDIL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband HAS picked sides and it’s his parents.
They successfully made him their baby forever as he sounds unable to separate himself from them and their mistreatment, even if it costs him his marriage to you. You can try therapy if you think that has a chance of working but just because he is unable to extract himself from his parents doesn’t mean you have to live like this.” Hot_Box_4574
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In effect, his parents are achieving their objective from the email. They wanted you to break up, and by insulting you and your marriage, they have successfully alienated you, which is causing strain in your relationship. When sons and daughters leave their parents and go out and find a partner, they form a new family, and that family becomes primary.
At least that’s how it is supposed to be. Most parents want to maintain some closeness to their kids, but some (like your in-laws) refuse to take a back seat. They only tolerate their child’s spouse to the degree that that spouse becomes like another obedient child to them.
There are 3 paths forward. One, you divorce him and he can go back to his parents. Two, he goes low-contact/no-contact with them and takes the side of HIS MARRIAGE. Or, three, you can try to go back to how it was before the email, but with a thicker skin where you don’t actually care what they say or think about you.
Given your PTSD regarding conflict, I can’t say I recommend that one.” 1962Michael
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend The Expensive School My Family Forces Me To Go To?
“I (17) attend a relatively small Christian boarding school and have just completed my junior year of high school. I was originally forced to go here my freshman year (2021-2022) after my mother found out I was gay. I’ve grown used to it and have integrated without losing myself but, I am not comfortable attending the expensive school.
Recently I’ve realized here I often feel lonely as I only have one real friend and often feel only tolerated. I follow the rules and get good grades however being here has been negatively impacting my familial relationships. No one calls me or checks in on me however I’m told “the phone works both ways” whenever I tell them they can always reach out to me.
Phones are taken during the day at the school and I have little to no social literacy as we relocated and my phone was taken for four years prior to my attendance at the school (I have no friends in my state and just stay at home during breaks and the summer as I am not allowed a job or to go out without an adult).
All that paired with the fact that I’m comfortable being the “low maintenance friend” (pretending everything’s fine when no one texts me over breaks when we get back on campus) means I rarely text people outside of the one friend I have and often go days without texting people and feeling no change in the relationship if the other person is fine with it.
Now the school is NOT cheap with a yearly fee of around 23k that my grandma pays as my family can’t afford it. We are not rich or wealthy but my mother continues to live well beyond her means.
I have said multiple times I am perfectly fine not attending the school but my mother believes it is “what’s best for me” and allows my grandma to pay that exorbitant fee for a quite frankly sub-par education (public school would educate me more accurately and efficiently).
Whenever I “step out of line” or try to speak up for myself I am called disrespectful and ungrateful as my grandma has put down 69k at this point for this school and I can’t even call her without asking for something (which is true for the most part as I’ve asked her for funds on two separate occasions as I needed hygiene items and an outfit for my prom and she is the only relative who answered me when I asked).
When I rebutted that I never asked to go to the school and rarely ask for funds as I don’t like asking for handouts I am told “that’s not the point” and brushed off.
I truly am fine not interacting with people for weeks even months on end if they don’t text first. I don’t like bothering people which is probably part of the reason why I rarely text or call people in the first place and I’m not comfortable continuing to attend the school as I have really no life skills and it feels like I already have a massive debt I have to repay my grandma.
I probably sound extremely bratty and self-centered but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all and you don’t have to “repay” anyone for your HS education. You didn’t choose to go there, you were put there. I’m worried that you aren’t being checked on at all.
Let me be really honest- you sound depressed. I don’t think you’re okay at all w no one contacting you for months at a time. You’re isolated in the middle of a crowd. I’m worried about you. Are you in the US?
I’m asking so I can maybe give you specific help info. Please reach out to the school counselor. Talk to your friend. Call your parents. You need help. Please do this.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“The situation you’re in is terrible. I’m very sorry that your family is behaving in this homophobic and manipulative way towards you.
They removed you from your social environment because you’re gay, and are now trying to guilt you because they chose to pay for that school. None of this is your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty at all. Like others said, you sound like you’re suffering from depression and isolation.
This is way beyond AITJ normal posts, but I really hope you can find resources through this forum to help you deal with these feelings. I promise you that life will get better the more you grow up, and that you’ll find people who will care about you and accept you the way you are.” MemChoeret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that was your mother’s homophobic decision. Frankly count down till you graduate/are 18 and run from your toxic family op. You are not at fault for anything decided for you. Please don’t ever believe that. All the best and sorry for the pathetic excuse of parents you got unlucky to have.” Organic_Start_420
16. AITJ For Changing My Travel Dates For My Stepdad's Family Reunion Due To Work?
“A few months ago my mom got a plane ticket as a “gift” for me to go to Boston for my stepdad’s family reunion from 6/20-6/25.
Work stuff came up and I can only go from 6/21-6/24. Starting yesterday, I apologized profusely and said if she cancels or changes it I’ll repay her. She’s still livid.
Unlike her, I understand that life happens.
Back in October or whatever when she made the tickets I was able to go on those days because we were fully staffed. Ever since then, we’ve had some people quit very recently and unexpectedly.
We are now understaffed and I just stepped into the new role of assistant manager of the store just a few weeks ago and I’m now needed more badly, so I can’t take off as much until we find replacements and train them sufficiently. I tried explaining this to her, but she just said my boss is being cheap, take the full range days off anyways, and he won’t fire you don’t worry, if anything, he’ll appreciate you more after you come back, etc. I’m the child but it feels like I’m dealing with a child here.
And you know how awkward it is being the red-headed stepchild at a family reunion where no one there is even your family? I’ve been to three of them for my stepdad already. I don’t want to go regardless, but I’m reluctantly willing to suck it up and go over a long weekend.
Continuing into today, I keep getting chewed out.
My mom and stepfather are so toxic, it’s just unbelievable.
Even after I gave them my good reason, they still attacked it. Heck, even if I didn’t have a good reason, it’s completely unnecessary for my mom to say I break promises, have bad behavior, be aggressive say my boss is more important than your mother, what you are doing to your mother is total bs, I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this, you are disrespectful and untrustworthy, I’m disappointed in how you’ve lived your life, you are stuck, then she starts attacking my dad who has nothing to do with this.
Then my stepdad says I have no character, I’m a coward, my word is meaningless, I’m pathetic, this will take a lot for me to overcome, you are disinvited from any future events, and a backstabber.
Then my stepdad wanted me to come over to talk.
What? So he can verbally mistreatment me in person? No thanks.
And all this after I had apologized profusely, given a reason, and offered to reimburse my mom if she could change the travel dates, and if she couldn’t, I’d reimburse her for the plane ticket she bought me.
Again, I felt genuinely bad at first, but now I just feel anger after they kept relentlessly berating me.
And berating me is one thing, but bringing my dad into this who has nothing to do with this to trash him is just a whole other level.
Despite this, I remained polite, I didn’t stoop to their level.
I could be the jerk because I did indeed bail on the trip. Though I tried to be as good of a sport about it as possible, and with several days notice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom and Stepdad “surprising” you with a plane ticket does not mean you’re obligated to go. You’re an adult and your job is important, honestly more important than 4-5 days with people who are all but strangers to you. They’re trying to bully you into going and playing happy family and you standing up for yourself isn’t fitting into their narrative.
Try to at the very least limit contact with them until they get over themselves. And if they don’t… well no one needs that BS in their lives!” SmeggingRimmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why on earth would you, as an adult take this kind of mistreatment?
Your parents are not in touch with the reality of being an assistant manager in a retail setting (where they would, in fact, potentially fire you if you don’t show up) and have no respect for you as a person. Please, grow a pair AND a backbone.
Tell Mom you aren’t going, and it’s no longer open for discussion. If she can’t drop it (and stepdad) go LC / NC for a while. This ain’t rocket science, it just takes a little internal fortitude!” Tarik861.
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Off-Campus With My Roommate?
“I (19M) and my roommate (19M) are disagreeing about our living situation for next semester.
I attend a large university that requires freshmen and sophomores to stay on campus for their first two years. I should also note that I am an out-of-state resident and he is an in-state resident. (Very important)
We recently got the opportunity to break our contract and have a chance to live off-campus due to an increase in incoming freshmen.
When I heard this news I wasn’t too excited about it because my roommate and I had our dorm for next year set. We were going to live in a nice dorm, in a nice part of campus, with some of our friends in the building, so this contract break didn’t even catch my eye.
My roommate texted me and asked if I was interested in breaking the contract to try and start the search for an apartment. It is very late in the apartment searching process, so finding a decent apartment within a good price range and close to campus would be a bit challenging.
He told me to just say I’m interested because it’s a non-binding agreement and even if I say I’m interested nothing is solidified until we signed the contract, so I went ahead and did so.
Long story short, he managed to find a place with about a 5-minute drive off campus.
The thing about this is that I won’t have access to a car during my sophomore year, It’s a 30-minute walk from campus, it’s far from everyone that we’re friends with, and it’s extremely close to the cutoff point price for it to be worth it.
My room and board on campus is around 14,700. This includes meal swipes, dining hall access, different places to eat on campus, a furnished room with a desk, bed, and mini fridge, etc. For a fully furnished apartment, it costs around 1,100-1,200 in rent (with some deals) and then we’d have to pay for groceries (estimated 3,200 a year), and the inconveniences of getting to and from school either with his car, the bus, or walking 30 minutes.
This then exceeds the price range of 14,700 making it not worth it in my eyes.
I am by no means rich, having to take out loans and then relying on my single mom to pay for the rest. My mom pushed me to go to this university and I can’t seem to find a decent reason to rush the process of getting an apartment.
She also thinks moving off campus into an apartment is a waste of money this year because we have a good dorm with people we know in our building. My roommate argued the case that getting an apartment would be cheaper for him and his family.
But considering I’m an out-of-state resident I am already paying more than him regardless, as selfish as that sounds. My roommate and I became really good friends so I’d hate for us to split up because we want two different things that would benefit us financially.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you may have to find another roommate for next year though. Staying on campus is much cheaper and more convenient for you. Life comes at you hard and fast, there is no really good reason to get into an apartment.
You have to furnish it, clean it, pay other bills, go to the grocery store, plan, cook, and clean up for all the meals. That becomes time-consuming and a real drag. You would have to bum a ride to the store. Whereas living on campus, you have a meal plan, full access to campus, and your friends, and don’t have to worry about transportation.
Stay on campus, you won’t regret it.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. I was going to say No jerks here because you can disagree and make your own choices without being a jerk. However, he’s a bit of a jerk for persuading you to sign, when you weren’t interested. He planned to keep persuading you one step at a time.
And you as a bit of a jerk not to consider all of these factors (such as no car) in deciding whether you wanted an apartment. You should have given him a maximum price and distance. Be real: You signed to make him happy and hoped he wouldn’t find a place.
You should have just said NO.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Not really understanding how living off campus is cheaper for him. It may not be universal but “out of state” applies generally to tuition, not room and board. What I’m saying is that his justifications are just wrong. He wants to have parties, booze, the ladies, etc in what he thinks will be the raging party central place. Which is fine. Likely won’t happen but, if he wants to live off-campus, you don’t. It sucks when you find a college roommate you get along with and you both have to separate.
In essence, looks like you’re going to have a new roommate. As you are friends, when you explain you can’t do it he should be accepting of it. I mean, you can’t afford it. It’s just not feasible. If he’s not, well… that’s his problem.
It sucks but that’s on him. NJH” SoImaRedditUserNow
14. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Stop Her Kids From Spraying Water Into My Garden?
“Me (23) and my partner (25M) moved into our new home last November. Our neighbors are a single mum “Sarah” (35F) and her two boys (7M and 12M), and when we first moved in Sarah was very sweet and welcoming. Her sons would say hi to us sometimes as well.
As we’re in England, you can probably guess we don’t get a great deal of sunny weather. Recently though it’s gotten better and we’ve had a few hot days. A couple of weekends back, my partner and I were enjoying a particularly sunny day sitting in our garden.
We could hear Sarah’s kids playing in their garden next door but didn’t mind until a jet of water came over the fence and hit me. It took me by surprise and within a few seconds, two jets were being shot over the fence and sprayed into our garden.
I went upstairs to look at what the boys were doing. I saw they both had huge waterguns and were still aiming them over the fence and shooting water all over our garden furniture and plants. I came downstairs to see my partner calling over the fence, saying the boys’ names, and asking them to please stop spraying water.
The boys went quiet and went away, but no more than two minutes later were doing it again.
We were both frustrated, and I went next door and rang the bell. Sarah answered and I told her what her kids had been doing and asked if she’d make them stop.
I thought she’d be understanding, but she seemed offended and told me I was overreacting to kids being kids. I tried to explain myself further but she told me that while she’d tell them to stop, she wouldn’t “police her children playing” and said it was “only water” and wouldn’t do any damage.
Honestly, I don’t do well with confrontations, and her response was so different from what I’d expected I kind of froze. I could see her kids over her shoulder watching from the hall, still holding their water. Sarah closed the door on me and I just went home.
Her boys kept playing outside but they didn’t spray water over the wall again.
The next day I saw Sarah and said hi but she ignored me. I felt a bit awkward and let it be, until later she sent me a long text telling me she’d ignored me because she was upset by what I’d done the previous day.
She said she felt I’d been a “Karen” by stopping her kids playing, and making her out to be a bad mother. I was so confused by that because I’d never done those things, I had just wanted them to stop spraying water in our garden.
I don’t care what they do in theirs, and honestly being called a “Karen” was hurtful and makes me think she missed the point of why I even said anything and is being vindictive.
I’ve spoken to other people about it and some have sided with Sarah, saying the kids probably meant no harm and I likely embarrassed Sarah.
I was sure in my stance before, but now I’m beginning to doubt myself and I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like the boys were having a water gun fight and a stray spray or two made it over the fence.
I’d understand why she might not want to correct her kids for that (though I still don’t think you’d be in the wrong if it was affecting you). Her kids were deliberately spraying over the fence into someone else’s property and bothering them, and that is something a parent ought to be teaching them isn’t okay.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My neighbour’s kids accidentally got me once and they were all apologetic. That’s fine. Her kids were deliberately spraying you. That’s not okay. I dread the summer because of all the kids with super soakers/water balloons etc and the inevitable ‘spray me’ when I’m using the hose (which if their parents say okay and they’re not in school uniform or whatever why not) But a part of me enjoys the squeal. You know the one.
The one where the kid has just jumped into the paddling pool and that water is a LOT colder than they thought” Fioreborn
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t matter that you “embarrassed” Sarah, and she should have been thankful. In the US you could have called the police.
If people throw liquids on you here it’s a whole thing (we had a terrible person throw harmful liquids on people, so now it’s all banned). You didn’t tell her to take away the kid’s water guns, just for them to not shoot at you.
Not only is it annoying but if you had been doing something as simple as reading a book or using your laptop it would have been an issue of it destroying your property. Sarah needs to do a better job not enabling her kids to be jerks.
NTJ.” madman54218374125
13. AITJ For Defending Myself When My Husband Accused Me Of Neglecting His Sick Mother?
“My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we just recently had our second baby. My MIL has been staying with us due to an upcoming surgery.
She has been such an amazing help and I’m forever grateful for her presence.
I’m 4 weeks post postpartum (second c-section delivery). At 3 weeks postpartum, I suffered an infection due to an opening on my incision line so it’s been tough managing the pain, infection, sleepless nights with the baby, etc.
My MIL had surgery a few days ago and has been quite unwell since having surgery.
My husband works full time as well so I’ve had to resume daily household tasks before fully healing and the recommended 6 weeks. This morning MIL insisted on resting after breakfast so she went to her room.
Popped my 4-year-old for a nap after lunch followed by my newborn.
Once they fell asleep, I too had a quick nap.
Usually, she comes out for meals when she’s ready so I left food ready for her but to my surprise when I woke up she hadn’t eaten. We had a chat and she said she wasn’t feeling up to it and would eat later.
I quickly started fixing dinner then I went to get her to come eat considering she had skipped lunch but with all attempts, she insisted that she would come out but didn’t. Please bear in mind I’ve got a newborn that I haven’t fed, a 4-year-old that needs to eat, and shower before bed, and myself too all this while groaning in pain so I couldn’t possibly continue to stand at her door pleading for her to join us especially knowing she usually comes to eat when she’s ready.
Fast forward about an hour later, my husband comes back from work. Looking upset, he asks about his mum not eating. I responded by telling him not to start anything and that I’d had a long day. He then proceeded to say that I didn’t get her out to come to eat because “she’s not my responsibility”.
This statement got me upset immediately because it’s not the first time he has said things like that and upsetting knowing deep down I don’t have anything against his mother.
Also, while his mother has been unwell and he’s at work, I’ve been the one to check in regularly to make sure she’s taking her meds, make her a cup of tea, serve her food, and do whatever is needed despite being unwell myself and recovering from surgery too.
Now here is where I may be the jerk, his mother apologized for not honoring my request to come to join us at the table.
I responded to her that I was fine and didn’t have a problem with that but what he said to me was what hurt me.
I added that he shouldn’t say things like that and should be more kind with his words. He then got angry, called me disrespectful, and threw bad words right there with the 4-year-old present.
He continuously called me disrespectful for speaking that way in front of his mum and while they were eating which I understand but , I was responding to her and I felt the need to do so by expressing exactly hofeltfeel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband, in one move, made his mother feel guilty for being so sick she can’t eat, and made you feel guilty too. The fact that the mother apologized is scary. This guy has real control over her, and he gets control by being abusive.
This is a clear-cut case that you need either intense marriage counseling, or maybe even divorce. I know leaving isn’t always something that can happen right away, but if you’re not considering the possibility and trying to plan for it, you will eventually be the jerk to your children for keeping them in this abusive situation just because it’s the easiest thing.” workingmydeskjob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it normal for your husband to always get so angry? Does he help out with household chores or is parenting and house care your full-time responsibility because he goes to work? I do not want to jump guns here but if the answer to the above questions is yes then I think you need some serious discussions because this is abusive behaviour.
I know you guys are new parents so it’s easy to be always fighting, but this seems wrong. Also, how did he already know his mama didn’t eat the whole day? Did she call and tell him anything? And how did she react when he started swearing?
I don’t want to make her into evil MIL because there’s not enough info in the post, but I’m just wondering……” Any-Fig-4152
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister After She Criticized My Post-Pregnancy Recovery?
“My sister “Kate” has always been competitive with me. I guess because she’s older she feels like I stole the show by…being born.
We’ve never been close because every time we are getting along, some real-life event will cause her to spiral into being resentful of me and then she dislikes me for a while and we have to build back up to talking again.
Kate’s daughter is 3, mine is 2.
I had bad antenatal depression. I despised everything about being pregnant, I do not remember being remotely happy until my daughter was born. I had therapy throughout to keep myself sane but it was honestly the darkest time in my life. When my daughter was born, I threw myself into “bouncing back”.
I didn’t experience any baby blues and I credit that mostly to the fact that my “rest” time was spent working on myself. I think that helped me more than the therapy. I love my daughter and everything about being her mother, but I don’t regret investing time in myself as well.
I never told Kate any of this. She visited once when my daughter was a month old and by the time I saw her six months later, I had shed most of the weight and was back to dressing normally. Kate has alluded to thinking I’m shallow because of how much effort I put into my looks but I’ve always reminded her that different things work for different people’s mental health.
It was my uncle’s birthday a few days ago so we all had a family dinner. My aunt was talking about pregnancy (they are thinking of having a second child) and said she wasn’t sure she could go through it again. I said I wouldn’t and she said that was odd since I handled it “like Wonder Woman” and you couldn’t tell I’d ever been pregnant (I’m not claiming this to be true.
I just didn’t see anyone until I had a handle on everything and they assumed it was always like that). Kate scoffed and said “Yeah it’s easy when your only priority is how you look and not your child” which is unfair and untrue.
I’m a good mother, and I work very hard at being a good mother. I would have my daughter over my looks in a heartbeat but it’s not either or for me and I choose both. But what she said struck a nerve.
I snapped back that my priority was my own family and my own body, and maybe hers should be too rather than her jealousy because only one of those things is going to improve things. She called me a mean person and her husband jumped in and said she needed to calm down, which I know irked her because he has been the one most often comparing us.
Kate left the table and when she came back it was clear she had been crying. She didn’t say a word the rest of the evening.
My parents think I was too harsh on Kate, but I think they babysat her because they think I have it “easier” (it’s been like that our whole lives).
What she said to me was hurtful and uncalled for and all I did was remind her to mind her own business. But my parents think I owe her an apology.
Did I overstep?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t step into the ring if you’re not prepared to fight.
Or, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Also, I’m side-eying your parents here and looking to see whether I can key their car without getting caught because they don’t treat you equally, and a lot of your sister’s angry behavior could have been dealt with at a much younger age if your parents had bothered to, you know, parent….” JustAnotherSlug
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. For heaven’s sake, do you expect people to be mindreaders? How are you expecting them to know you had a hard time, an antenatal depression if you never told them? Also, her husband is gross and the fact that you made that comment knowing he’s a jerk about how she looks, makes it even worse.” Visible_Cupcake_1659
Another User Comments:
“Tell your parents that when they demand your sister to apologize for being nasty to you for nothing that you did to her, then you’ll think about their request. Just because you didn’t cry doesn’t make the blow she dealt less significant.
NTJ ” Majestic_Register346
11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Daughter's Unemployed Partner Who Wouldn't Follow House Rules?
“My (38f) daughter (20f) started seeing this guy (23m) 3 years ago. Last year she found out she was pregnant. She wasn’t living here at the time. I told her that she should come home and she said she wouldn’t move in without him so we let them and their dog move in.
We charged $400 a month. Our only rule was that he needed to have a job. He had issues keeping a job in the past so we knew we had to make that known right away. He did not get a job by the time they had to move in.
My husband (her stepdad) was not happy. It took him a while to find a job and he never kept one for long.
At one point I gave him a two-week deadline and when he still wasn’t working I told them he had to go.
He found a job that day and we decided to give him another chance. I cut their rent in half in exchange for her watching her siblings before and after school and helping keep the house clean. I only wanted the dishes done daily and the house generally picked up.
She initially agreed but began not holding up her end of the deal. She stayed in the basement only coming up to tell her siblings to clean the house. She was having them do her chores. A few weeks ago, they decided that they were going to stay the night at his parent’s house and take the dog with them.
While they were there, something happened to the dog’s back legs and they needed to get him pet insurance to take him to the vet. She didn’t have the money so she asked a few people to borrow it. They got the money from his brother, however they never ended up going to the vet because the insurance wasn’t immediate.
So they stayed at his parent’s house for 9 days and her partner had taken the entire time off work to care for the dog. Which confused me because there wasn’t anything they could do for him. I was concerned that they borrowed money with no intent to pay it back promptly.
They were also $100 short for rent. I started noticing him posting on social media asking people if they needed scrap removed so I don’t believe he has a job anymore. She wasn’t doing what was agreed upon around the house and he wasn’t working.
So I decided it was time for him to go. I told her that she and the baby were welcome to stay but she wouldn’t stay without him so they are now staying at his parent’s house for $200 a month. They sleep on separate couches in the living room because 10 people are living there.
They had an entire basement to themselves while living here. She’s not speaking to me and says her partner will probably never speak to me again because we never treated him like family. This baffles me because, between my husband and me, we have gotten him 4 different jobs, allowed him to live in our home, and put him on our phone plan (they paid their portion), among other things”
Another User Comments:
“They moved in a fit of pique instead of meeting their agreed-upon responsibilities, and to be honest you have set the bar low. If they persist with this attitude it’s going to be very very difficult to raise their child. As we all know, babies don’t offer much in the way of compromise when they want to be fed and cleaned. Tough love sucks, but I don’t think you have a choice.
NTJ” everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your conditions were quite reasonable and, all things considered, good things for them to learn if they are going to be responsible parents. You needed to kick him out because he broke the deal he agreed to. And it’s not like he is just a teenager trying to get by – he is 23 years old.
He should be able to hold down a job. If you didn’t kick him out, you were probably going to wind up with the two of them not working and not paying any rent before too long. Your daughter is wrong. This isn’t about you not treating his partner like family.
This is about you holding the partner responsible for the obligations he agreed to.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tough love is sometimes needed in situations like this and I think you were already being too lenient. You gave him chance after chance and he’s doing nothing to better his life.
Your poor daughter is quickly on a path to ruin her own life as well. I would keep communication open with her so she’s not cut off from her support system but also don’t babysit her. If she moves back in, do not let her take advantage of her siblings.
It’s her kid, she needs to care for it and she needs to not be a slob either.” friendlily.
10. AITJ For Asking Absent Roommates To Pay Their Share Of Utilities?
“I’ve been living in a four-bed student apartment for a couple of years now, and the utilities have been under my name that whole time. I get the gas and utility bills every month, and I split the cost four ways but pay a little extra on my part for my car which I charge outside using one of the outlets.
After doing those calculations I send out Venmo requests, and save for some occasional delays it hasn’t been an issue for years.
However, at the end of this last semester, three of the roommates moved out and three new ones were meant to move in.
I informed them ahead of time that I handled the utility payments and to let me know if they had any questions. I heard nothing from any of them in return but figured I’d simply address it when they moved in. When the move-in day came around, however, I noticed that only one of them moved in.
The other two rooms didn’t seem to be opened and the apartment was unusually silent. Again, I just let this be, assuming that perhaps they just planned to move in later.
This was all early this month. The other day the first bill finally came in, and the other rooms still seemed untouched. I sent out another email saying that the gas bill had come in and that I needed everyone’s Venmo.
The one guy who moved in was very quick at getting his back to me, but I heard nothing else from the other two until I received an email from one of them with the following message:
“I’ve rented this place to store my belongings over the summer, as I’ve been out of the country since the beginning of the rental period.
Since I’m not living there, would it be okay if you and the others could split the utility bills without including me? Thanks for your understanding!”
Now normally I would be annoyed but willing to maybe bite the bullet. However, it’s not just him but two people gone, meaning the 25% split would now be just 50/50 between the other roommate and me if the other person is in a similar situation.
I’ve heard of people signing housing contracts just to establish residency for in-state tuition at my university, so the fact the fourth one hasn’t shown up yet makes me believe that’s the case as well. While on the surface this also wouldn’t be a huge issue with two people not contributing to the overall bill, I’ve been handling the utilities long enough to know full well that the majority of the expense comes from the AC/Heater.
The actual contributions an individual makes to the bill are very small, and I wouldn’t expect the total to decrease much at all.
However, I understand that this roommate is not using the utilities and that I would be charging him for something he’s not benefiting from.
As much as I’m inclined to forgo the charge under that circumstance, at present the amount I would pay per month would go from about $40 to $80, and I’m already not in a particularly great financial place at the moment.
Am I justified in asking for this payment despite him not being present, or should I just let it slide?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “While on the surface this also wouldn’t be a huge issue with two people not contributing to the overall bill, I’ve been handling the utilities long enough to know full well that the majority of the expense comes from the AC/Heater.
The actual contributions an individual makes to the bill are very small, and I wouldn’t expect the total to decrease much at all.” the way you explained this was super reasonable. Also in a sense, he is paying for a temperature-controlled environment for his stuff.
Depending on where you live humidity can be a pain. His decision to not live there is his own. Bills will be there regardless, and I would personally stick to your guns re asking him to pay his portion. ” Dull-Surprise-559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They should have made it clear that they were not moving in.
Also what they are doing is likely illegal. Realistically a storage unit would have been cheaper. I don’t have any real advice on this issue however, you can close the air vents in those “unused rooms” which will lower your heating/cooling bill. I know this doesn’t exactly answer your question or solve the problem.” _RustyOnion_
Another User Comments:
“This is a really interesting question, thank you for posting it! Obviously, in the future, you should have roommates sign a contract stipulating that they are responsible for 1/4 of the utilities, but that doesn’t help with the current situation. I think I have to say no jerks here.
It sucks for you that you weren’t given any warning that the new roommates didn’t intend to live there, but from their perspective, it doesn’t seem like they should be obligated to pay for heating/AC in a room they are renting for storage if their stuff doesn’t require climate control and it wasn’t previously discussed.” CoverCharacter8179
9. AITJ For Ignoring And Excluding A Friend During Our Mutual Friend's Grieving Period?
“I’m (25F) currently on a Master’s scholarship abroad with others from my country. Four of us live in the same building albeit on separate floors, so we see each other near daily / quite often.
However, I am closest to my friend, S (27F). We have grown incredibly close and I spend most of my time over at her flat, go out together, shop together etc. Basically, we are glued to each other. R (29F), the other friend, is less present.
A few things happened between us at the beginning of our studies here, including her bad mouthing me to another friend and then backpedaling and basically blaming me for her actions when I confronted her and the group. Needless to say, I’m not very close to her and generally avoid messaging or talking to her unless something is up or there’s mutual friends coming over to see us.
S recently lost her young brother. While I won’t get into the circumstances, it’s been incredibly heartbreaking and difficult since she’s abroad and due to current circumstances in our country, she’s unable to visit home. Me and R have been spending time with her most of the days to keep her company and also just help around with anything she needs.
But in the recent few days, R has stopped coming by, or only comes by at nighttime when S is tired or I’m about to head back to my place. She repeatedly would say she’ll come at this time only to bail out at the last minute, and has continued to go to parties, hang out with her friends and generally returned to her normal routine while A is still grieving for her brother.
Short version: I find her actions tacky and did voice that to my friends, especially because she keeps lying about where she’s going when we ask generally.
I personally never invite her along. Two days ago a mutual friend came over for the night.
We ended up staying the entire day together, went to grab some stuff for a few occasions, and generally S was in a better mood. But R repeatedly texted us and S if we were home because she wants to see us– I guess she saw that we had a guest over at reception (we live in a private student accommodation, so you have to sign in guests).
At the same time she had a friend I really hate at her place, which meant she’d bring said person along. I didn’t reply, neither did S. This morning she sent a lengthy text in the lines of “why do I feel like I’m being forgotten” and “do you remember me?
I live with you. I’m R.” In a very condescending tone. It’s not the first time she’s done this (she’s very fond of going out with friends and never telling us to join, but if we do that and she finds out she gets incredibly upset and will send massive rants) but in the current situation it truly felt… cheap.
It’s not the time and place to make herself the center of attention, so I decided to again ignore her message and not reply.
AITJ for not replying to her at all??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. R sounds like a nightmare, and you aren’t exactly excluding her if she had plenty of opportunities to spend time with you and S during this period, and chose to prioritise other things.
You two clearly aren’t friends, though – I would definitely say you’re just neighbors, and I think you should stick to that, because it’s pretty clear you don’t like each other! I hope S is doing okay, and I’m sorry for their loss. You’re doing good in supporting her.” camembert23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and R is no friend. An acquaintance at best. Also the person needing support is S. You should distance yourself from R and tell her to only text if she actually comes when she said she will, if she doesn’t tell her no need to come now that it’s late.” Organic_Start_420
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Older Cousin To Visit Me With My Mum And Aunt?
“I (24) live in a different country than the one I grew up in. I usually come home for Christmas but I’m hoping to visit more often when I get a better job. My (54) mum and (53) auntie are coming over to see me in a month.
My mum has visited every year since I moved here, initially with my step dad. However, as much as he liked to see me, he doesn’t like leaving the small town much and decided he didn’t want to come over again, which is fair. I live in a historical and student city so there’s really nothing for him to do.
My mum loves history and shopping so when she comes over she even ventures out to nearby towns and cities if I’m busy. But she got a bit sad coming on her own. So, she asked one of my aunties to join her. My 3 aunties live in the same country as me, just the other side.
It’s quite expensive for us to visit each other for some reason, so only one auntie can really afford it because she has a well-paying job.
She came over last year and I brought my partner out to come see my family too and we all hung out and had a really good time.
However, last night I found out that since they are coming over to visit next month they want to bring my cousin who is around their age.
Honestly, my cousin is nice and I don’t hold any ill will against her. However, we aren’t very close, she was an adult my entire childhood and honestly, she interrupts me a lot and can be a little unintentionally rude at times.
I have autism myself so I try to be patient and understand where she’s coming from. But it does make me a bit uncomfortable having her be there.
I don’t want to be rude or hurt anyone’s feelings but honestly, sometimes I feel like she doesn’t like me too much and wonders why I am there.
Like if I’m at my mum’s house and walk into the kitchen she seems to not like my presence and ignores me if my mum tries to get us to interact. It feels like she wouldn’t enjoy coming over to see me because we really don’t know each other.
She goes on family and friend trips with my mum and auntie and sometimes even my mum’s co-workers often.
She also lives down the road from my mum so it’s not like they don’t see each other all the time. Again, she is still very nice when we do talk and I don’t hold anything against her, I just don’t think we are that close and that she would want to come over and see me.
I think that she will just see it as another girls trip and I might be ignored again on the few days they are there.
I don’t want to make anyone upset but I don’t really want her to come over and make things uncomfortable.
Although I feel like it would be rude saying that. Any advice on how to deal with how I am feeling?”
Another User Comments:
“WIBTJ It’s your home, you can choose to not have over whoever you are not comfortable with. It’s totally your right to tell them that you won’t feel comfortable with her around.
Having said that, you have to weigh if it’s worth it. Some families can take situations like this pretty badly. Ask yourself if you have stomach for the potential drama. The good thing about doing it is that it’s a clear opportunity to see who cares about the way you feel or not.
But no, you won’t be the jerk” LeeAndrewK
Another User Comments:
“I have a feeling this will be unpopular, but YTJ. It sounds like your mom and your aunt are close with your cousin, considering they go on trips together. Excluding her because your interactions have been awkward is honestly just mean.
You have a feeling it would be rude because it really would be rude. As long as she’s never been abusive or cruel toward you, would a few days of potential discomfort be worth burning a bridge with her? She will certainly be hurt by it.
If interactions were awkward on holidays before, imagine how awkward the next holiday will be after telling her you didn’t invite her. A few days of discomfort would be worth avoiding years of even more discomfort in my opinion, especially if you’re planning to eventually move back home.” dr-bougie
7. AITJ For Not Wanting Two Wedding Ceremonies To Accommodate My Parents?
“I’m Luca, (26m) I have a fiancé Penny (25f) we’ve been together for 5 years and recently got engaged. We’re planning to have the wedding in January next year!
We decided to have the wedding here in Oklahoma, where we live.
My fiancée’s family has no issues coming up here for the wedding. They live mostly in Arkansas and some of them we’re going to be assisting with travel.
The issue is with my family… there is a lot more history here that just can’t fit into this post. But my Father (60m) used to be abusive for many years, he got much better but he is still manipulative at times.
I left home 4 years ago and now live 15 hours away from my parents. My Mom (60f) had a stroke 8 years ago and since then has gotten much better health-wise. She still takes a couple of meds but has reduced it to a few verses the ten she started on right after her stroke.
She is disabled still though, and uses a cane. They live in Colorado.
My Dad and Mom don’t feel comfortable having my Mom fly out to our wedding. Because my Dad doesn’t think my Mom can fly because she’s disabled. My mom is anxious about flying and doesn’t want to.
I understand that flying is scary, but I also was afraid to fly out to visit them the 4 times I’ve flown out the last 4 years too but I still did it to see them for 1-2 weeks at a time each. When I’ve flown they always help disabled people on the plane and they usually go onboard first. It’s usually a 1-2 hour flight, a very short easy flight from one small airport to another.
Once in the airport, I’ve seen little buggies transport people around to their gate.
We’ve offered to pay for their flight and even get them first class. They could stay with us, and we would pick them up from the airport. They don’t want to do that, My dad wants us to do a small ceremony with them before the official ceremony.
He wants to plan it out, in the way he wants, and he wants to determine the outfits and the ritual and such to be more akin to his culture which is different than the more traditional wedding style we want to do… but it’s not what we wanted to do.
I’ve been heartbroken over the fact that they won’t be at my wedding for months since I found out, but I haven’t told them because my Dad will certainly not take it well.
WIBTJ if I told my parents I didn’t want to do two wedding ceremonies?
And I just wanted to do the Wedding my wife-to-be and I planned out. The offer to fly them out would still be on the table. And to assist with everything we can should they choose to, but they probably won’t. My Dad will probably accuse me of abandoning my culture (only one of many that make up my DNA) because I don’t want to do the Wedding the way he wants.
He’s done that in the past. Or maybe he’ll tell me I’m being selfish and not considering the family…
I’m paying for everything out of pocket, with our money. No one else is paying for anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them that you will miss them, but if they don’t want to come, it doesn’t make sense to spend the time and money during such an already busy and stressful time to do a ceremony just for them.
Offer to have someone livestream the actual ceremony, which is usually pretty short in comparison to a whole wedding. Stick to your guns, and don’t let Dad bully you into doing something you don’t have the time or energy for. Enjoy your wedding with the family that makes the effort to come.
What your father is doing is continued mistreatment and guilt-tripping/manipulation. Don’t feed into it.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“So what we did, was one ceremony. My husband’s parents did fly out, but no one else did… Then after the wedding, we flew to the East Coast and had a summer BBQ-style reception for his family ( complete with one layer of cake from our West Coast reception).
Everyone got to participate but no one controlled the wedding ceremony but us… Now I have a disabled son, and we just miss anyone’s anything that would involve flying with him. It’s just too much.” AmethystSapper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you offered them alternatives, which was generous.
Doesn’t sound like your dad knows how to negotiate? I’m pressuring you to have another ceremony you don’t want oh and also I get to decide everything about it, which isn’t the most persuasive approach. There are ways to work in all sorts of symbolic cultural rituals in the existing wedding.
My husband and I are from different cultures and countries (I’m from two, also), so we mixed in meaningful things from all three backgrounds. It was pretty cool and turned out beautifully.” tinymi3
6. AITJ For Getting My Ex-Husband's Car Repossessed After Repeated Non-Payments?
“My ex-husband is extremely upset with me for getting his car repossessed. We purchased the car in October 2018 in my name and him as the co-signer because he didn’t have credit.
I paid the car note from October 2018 to some time in 2019. He took over the payments but somehow he got it repossessed right before I gave birth at the end of 2019. I ended up paying for it to get out of repossession with part of a loan from my retirement account that was to last me through my maternity leave.
I had to come back from maternity leave early too.
In 2020, I moved away from him and I was still paying the car insurance on the car and he was making the car note payments. In 2022 we decided to give it another go for our relationship.
When he came back the car was in arrears. And mind you the entire time he was gone the car was never paid on time. (Messing up my credit) So my actual car had gotten totaled and I was able to get a settlement. I paid for his car to become current and 2 months in advance.
We broke up again in 2022 and I took his car from him because I didn’t want to go through the same thing twice. I purposely let it sit somewhere didn’t pay on it and waited for repossession.
Also, not one time did he ever offer to pay half the insurance to me.
We tried to get it in his name but they kept quoting him like $800 to $1000 for the monthly insurance payment. He kept on filing claims and I know some were fraudulent and my premiums kept on going up every 6 months.
Fast forward a year after repossession the creditor took us to court.
I filed for bankruptcy because I refused to pay for it. (Bankruptcy best choice I ever made and credit is doing fantastic now) He chose not to file for bankruptcy and now they are garnishing his checks.
He had ample time to prepare for this and didn’t.
I offered to help him by going over his income and bills and coming up with a plan for them to take the maximum 25% of his checks.
And this was his response below.
As much as it would be nice to go over my bills with someone.
I don’t want to with you. Especially with the garnishment. This car is slowly dying on me. Wasted so much money on my charger, that you deliberately made them take it. My wages are about to be garnished while I’m barely making ends meet. Now you want to help me?
Really? I’ll see you on Thursday to help you move.
When he’s saying he wasted money he is referring to the payments and to fix it up and when he refers to this car slowly dying on me he’s talking about his current car and he never showed up on Thursday to help me move because he’s in his feelings.
Now Reddit am I the jerk for getting my ex-husband’s car repossessed because he wouldn’t pay on time or help with the insurance?”
Another User Comments:
“Get up off the floor and quit being a doormat! He is your EX for a reason. I would sell the car and pay off the loan and NEVER have ANY financial dealing w/ him again!
Everyone’s the jerk here” QL58.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to help him several times. Now he’s got to deal with the consequences of his actions. You should have no contact with him though unless you’re co-parenting or something.” fckinsleepless
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up My Ungrateful Sister From School Anymore?
“I (20f) am the oldest of three. My younger sister (13f) and my little brother (9m). I still live with my parents because they have offered to pay for my uni.
Therefore I like/try to help them out around our place. Doing the dishes, cleaning, and sometimes even cooking lunch or dinner. My parents (40f) (45m) both work full time, and my pops even work a separate part-time to provide for us and save up money for emergencies.
One of the big things I’ve helped my mum out specifically is dropping off my sister, and picking up both kids after their classes. When I was around my sister’s age unfortunately no one was able to help my parents in picking me up from classes as much therefore I had to take the bus.
Which is why I decided to learn how to drive as soon as I could. Back to the issue.
My sister being barely a teen, kind of has developed attitude problems. She’s a great kid and she has good grades, but she’s been very lippy towards my parents at every inconvenience.
If me or mum make dinner and she doesn’t like it she claims she’ll starve or claims we hate her as we don’t want to see her eat. Mind you we always ask everyone what they would want for dinner and are met with “idk whatever you make” from her.
We don’t let her starve we end up making something else for her. If she wants to hang out with her friends on a certain day, she always makes me take her. Not beg, not ask in advance. She throws my car keys at me and goes “Take me to so and so’s house”
Sometimes I take my siblings to get food after their classes and she’s always making me go to two separate places. My brother is just a boy who likes nuggets and fries. But my sister is a “cravings” girlie and sometimes she makes me drive far.
Recently I lost it on both my brother and sister (he isn’t exactly a walk in the park either) about this. My sister then goes “You think you’re so sweet taking care of your siblings, but we don’t care! We don’t care if you do or don’t.
You put that pressure onto yourself.” I drove the rest of the way in silence.
I talked to my mum about this and she talked with my sister. I know it was a tough talk, I heard a lot of yelling from her room. The next day, my sister just asks if I’m going to take her or not.
She didn’t apologize. I was exhausted to argue so I simply did it. I’m so sick of being unappreciated, I feel used in a way. I then think of the sacrifices my parents make and I instantly feel guilty. I don’t know what to do.
My sister refuses to ride in a bus btw. She claims they are dirty. I don’t know how to tell my mum that I don’t want to pick up my sister from school anymore. I feel like such a jerk for not helping out, but my sister’s behavior makes it so hard to just keep doing it.
So WIBTJ if I stopped picking up my sister from school?”
Another User Comments:
“There is a more than obvious middle ground here. If you’re taking her and your brother to/from school as part of your deal with your parents, do that. Only that.
No stops, no giving into her ‘demands’ to go to a friend’s house. Just to and from school. Stop responding if she says, “Take me to so and so’s house” … just don’t. She isn’t ‘making’ you do this, you are caving to a bratty child.
If she’s intolerable in the car, THEN tell her and your mother that she’s lost transport privileges. Tell her what will cause her to lose those privileges (ideally when you tell her you won’t be her taxi service for anything else). You’re not her parent, but you are an adult in her life who needs to guide her a bit.
Yes, for your question, YWBTJ for immediately canceling the actual function (to/from school, which I presume is also with her brother so it’s not extra), but not for canceling ALL OTHER RIDES.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ Develop a spine OP. You’re letting your younger sibling disrespect you.
Tell your Mom that you won’t be picking her up until her behavior improves AND you receive an apology. Tell your sister exactly this “The way you’ve been treating me lately is unacceptable. I don’t HAVE to take you anywhere and I won’t be.
You can walk or take the bus. You get what you give and you have been both unpleasant to be around and extremely disrespectful. I love you but I don’t like you or want to do you any favors. When you remember how to be kind we can have a chat about changes that will be made in the future, in the meantime don’t ask me for any favors.” Then WALK AWAY FROM HER.
Ignore her, pretend she is not there UNLESS she is there to apologize. You’re not her Mom, you’re her sister so act like it. You can be a little petty. Teach her a lesson in respect and stick to your guns or your sister will turn into an entitled overgrown baby brat because you keep rewarding her bad behavior.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“Time for her to learn a tough lesson and take the bus. Her other option is an online public school, then you don’t have to worry about driving her to see friends either. They will make nicer ones! NTJ, you all need to stop enabling her bad behavior.
The household would save a lot of money that way. If your mom or dad has a problem with it, do a spreadsheet showing monthly expenditures and include everything that is done separately for her (those that are extra and unnecessary). Include the extra gas for her “cravings”.
Separate her expenditures from household ones to show your parents how much they could be saving.” Wrangellite
4. AITJ For Demanding Payment From My Family For My Old Computer They Fixed?
“So I (30M) was staying for the weekend with my mom (53F) and the rest of the family, to celebrate my youngest brother’s (M19) birthday.
Some backstory here – my youngest brother is very good with technology and online marketing, so a few months back I gave him my old computer that had broken down so he could fix it and sell it, in exchange for paying his expenses and giving him 30% of any profits he makes.
However, he has been going through a slightly delayed teenage angsty phase and has not got around to doing it yet, so I left it with him with the hope he gets around to doing it.
Also, my mom and stepdad (70M) have been wanting a new computer for a while, but were not willing to pay for one (they are very bad at saving and keep running up debts while spending loads on useless things).
Anyway, last night I see him working on the computer, so I go over and see that it has been fixed! I ask him what is up, and my stepdad comes over and says “I got it fixed so that we can have a computer at home” – just like that, without even asking me!
My brother nodded in agreement, which tells me that he knew about all this.
Of course I get annoyed at my stepdad, and I tell him that “This computer is mine, and if you want it you have to pay me for it” – a remark which prompted an angry outburst from my stepdad who immediately started demanding for his $120 back (I converted all costs to USD for the sake of this post), which prompted me to take out my phone and right away I transferred him $120 for his costs, which caused him to go – still fuming – out the house.
I took the computer and went into the room I was sleeping in.
My mom came back an hour later (10 PM by now) and asked what had gone wrong, and my sister (24F) told her the story. She then went to the room I was in and asked about the computer, and when I stated my demands she got really upset and said that “she will not speak about money, and if I want it so much just take it and they will buy a new one”.
I later ask my sister what had gone wrong, and she said “We don’t take money from family”… Now I think that since I bought this computer with my own money, and since it was a gaming laptop with great specs that can get at least $450 on the second-hand market in my country and that would cost at least $1,500 to replace, I am entitled to some sort of compensation for my property – and that giving it to them for a 20% discount on this price ($360 – they will not be able to get anything even remotely comparable for that price) is more than fair.
However, my mom, sister and stepdad are still mad at me while my 2 brothers (23M and 19M) say that they think I was right but should have just given in so my mom will not be mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t take money from family?
Then they shouldn’t want to take the thing that you would get money for. Sell the laptop and give your brother 20% for doing the work to fix it (reduced since he didn’t do the work to sell it). If their principles are true, they would deny you paying him, but somehow I doubt it.” User
Another User Comments:
“I think you might be acting a little jerky… like, you weren’t using the computer, because it was broken, right? And the plan was that, after your brother fixed and sold it, you would receive ~$135, provided he sold it for the estimated $450.
It sounds like you did technically surrender possession of it. If you wanted like $135 to compensate you for the original plan, that would make sense. I don’t think it’s worth getting at all upset over though, and I’m speaking as someone who doesn’t believe in bowing down to family, just because they’re family.
It sounds like your family needed the computer at home, and like it’s being put to good use. I don’t understand why you gave him the $120, I don’t think he should have asked for/accepted it. There’s an opportunity here to be magnanimous and generous though, rather than leaning towards petty and miserly.
Unfortunately, in life, we are not entitled to anything in this world. There’s plenty that we all deserve, such as rights, justice, love, etc. but a deep sense of entitlement is generally a character weakness so, especially under such benign circumstances, perhaps consider grace, instead.
3. AITJ For Refusing To Attend A Weekend-Long Family Gathering?
“My aunt and her family live 3 hours away by car and she has been organizing get-togethers for some time now because my grandmother had breast cancer and wants my mother’s side of the family to spend more time together.
This time I was invited there to celebrate their baby’s first and my mom’s birthday. Now I don’t hate these people, but let’s just say I don’t like my mother’s side of the family, they have all hurt me deeply throughout my life. I can spend a couple of days with them, but not the whole weekend.
From what I got from mom is that the celebration was meant to be on Friday, but turns out it’s actually on Saturday and Mom would like to stay till Sunday. I don’t have a car right now so I have to go with her and I don’t want to be there so long so I told aunt I’m not coming.
At first, she tried to call me, but I didn’t answer because I knew what was coming and I was at work, but then she messaged me some passive-aggressive things like ”Oh, what can I do, I can’t force the importance of my baby’s birthday on others” and ”the main thing is that the person is satisfied with their own decisions”.
Then an hour or so later texts me again and it’s a whole paragraph about how she doesn’t understand how I thought it would be logical to celebrate on Friday when we would be arriving in the evening and the baby would already be asleep.
Well, since we would spend the night, I thought it would be celebrated the next morning or so. She also went on to say multiple times how she isn’t mad at me and just sad and how she understands that she can’t force people to care and that me ignoring her call and texting her instead shows how I don’t find it important.
Mind you she doesn’t know why I didn’t answer she just straight up assumed I don’t like her (yes, she also mentioned something like that in her text).
Then when I told her how there is no need to overthink things and that I don’t have any problem with spending time with her, but rather just can’t mentally spend that much time with my other relatives and that I would have to give up my whole Saturday and a lot of money for a bus trip back home she went on complaining how she spends so much time organizing and it’s so tiring and time-consuming and how she now has to explain to grandma why someone can’t come which I understand, but woman…no one forces it upon you and I know grandma, she doesn’t give a darn if someone can’t come ONCE out of the tens of get-togethers.
In my country, simple get-togethers and usually birthdays too are super laid back. My aunt takes control even at my grandma’s and gets upset when things don’t go her way.
She also accused me and some other relatives of losing the importance of family and acts devastated when people can’t sacrifice half or even a whole weekend trip for a birthday.
She just takes away all the joy of getting together and makes it more of an obligation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every family has “The Organizer”. Some do well, others micromanage to the point the event becomes a chore to attend (as you said). When one has a micromanaging Organizer, things can get nasty if she keeps tugging on other family ears.
It may take some spine to stand up for your peace of mind and personality preferences. You seem to be handling it well so far.” Essie_C
Another User Comments:
“I suppose it would be NTJ But then I always say, when it comes to family matters I think there is a difference between a ‘social’ NTJ and a ‘family’ NTJ so you need to decide/determine if you don’t do this thing who would you upset and how much it matters to you and your relationships etc eg.
Aunt/Mum/Grandma Since you mentioned your grandma would likely not give a flying darn if you miss one, and I presume your mom would understand….that’s 2 v 1 so who cares” warclonex
2. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's House After Being Insulted?
“Over the weekend, I went to my friend’s new place. He’s my best friend and we have been neighbors for over 15 years. So I am already not too thrilled about it but I get it. It’s completely fine.
The new place is a mess of boxes and all.
My mate, let’s call him Nate, knows that I’m not very handy in working with my hands. Pun intended. I can’t bolt a screw or hammer a nail or drill a wall. I dislike all of that. A childhood thing. So he never asked me for my help.
I’m more of a letters guy. I help him out with bureaucratic stuff, permits, emails, and computer stuff. That is my area and he gets it. We’re cool about that.
A couple of our friends show up who are exactly what you need to hang the posters and assemble a shelf.
Handy guys. One of them, Moe, as soon as he walks in and I haven’t seen him in a long time. (Though, I recently helped him with some writing stuff up and such and he was very happy with the results) and starts berating me.
“You’ve gotten fat, you’re getting dumb” that kind of banter. I never appreciated it but sometimes I laugh it off if it is done in good spirit.
Now, I visited my friend early morning after I finished my graveyard shift so I’m pretty knackered and Nate knows that I can fall asleep on his couch at any given moment.
That’s completely fine.
So while Moe is cranking up the measuring tape and pencils and such, I’m falling asleep. I figure it is time to get back home. But he keeps piling on. “You’re a useless bum, you can’t even drill a hole in the wall” and other stuff like that.
It felt different from previous times. It felt disrespectful. Nate and the other guy are just laughing it away. I grabbed my keys and headed to the door. Moe rushes to me arguing that I shouldn’t go, he was joking. It was just banter.
But I didn’t want to engage him anymore.
I told him it’s fine. I just need to get home and sleep it off. He grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving. Nate came out and asked me to stay a bit. But I wasn’t having any of it. I dislike this childish locker room crap.
I never engage in it. I ended relationships and friendships before over such things.
I asked Nate to lock the door behind me and I left. Nate and I have nothing between us. We’re best mates. We talk every day. But Moe didn’t get back to me even though he showed a bit of remorse towards the end.
Maybe his ego won’t let him. But as far as I’m concerned, let bygones be bygones but I don’t want to hear that crap again. Our friendship depends on it. It also made me reluctant to visit Nate in the coming future. It felt like such a negative environment to be in.
It felt emasculating if I’m frank. Oh, and we are all in our late thirties. So I figured I didn’t need to hear that crap at my age. I didn’t have the patience for it.
Was I the jerk in this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You worked a graveyard shift and you have every right to knock off and go home at any time. You were probably less in the mood to deal with childishness due to your lack of sleep. Moe is a bit of a jerk and should have learned better by this age.
I’d just let it drop as if nothing much happened because nothing much did happen. When you run into him again don’t bring it up. If he does you can say, “You were being your typical self and I was too tired to deal with it.
No worries.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“It’s not funny, it’s demeaning. And you might be able to let it go if said once. But it’s repeated and repeated. So, no NTJ for leaving. Disengage from them for a while. And when you do see them again, immediately state that you no longer will accept the demeaning comments.
It’s not banter, it’s demeaning. You are all adults and there is no competition between you, no jockeying for some imagined level of whatever, no need to “look cool”.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You guys are all adults. He knows exactly what he was doing by saying those things to you.
Don’t let him bully you. I’m glad you have self-respect and know when to leave. If this is what he considers fun and friendly banter then I wouldn’t want to be around someone like that either.” LostndConfused_
1. AITJ For Choosing A Graduation Picture With My Dad As My Profile Picture Over One With My Mom And Stepdad?
“My parents are divorced, been so since I was like 10. At 17 my dad moved to Georgia for a job opportunity (which is like eight hours away from where my school is) so I’ve been full time at my mom’s. She can be kind of a dictator but I still love her to death.
I recently graduated from high school. (go me) After the long ceremony was done, I finally graduated. After all the graduates are done, they all go to the other gym in my school so we can take pictures with teachers, other graduates and of course our parents.
So I take pictures with my dad who drove 8 hours just to stay there for like 2 hours. Then my mom and my stepdad. During all the pictures my dad is crying, It’s rare for him to cry he was a marine so he doesn’t like to cry in front of people especially me.
But the reason why he’s crying is because my grandpa his dad died when my dad was 17 so he never saw him graduate, and the saddest part, my dad is the same age as my grandpa was 51. So it just kinda got to him.
The next day I was home by myself and I thought, I should probably update my profile pic on my social media, I haven’t changed it since early junior year. And I was missing my dad, and I know he misses me. So I changed it to me and him in my cap and gown.
It’s a really nice father and son picture, and one of the few pictures of me smiling. Later on, my mom came back home from a barbecue she had with some church friends. She was just obnoxiously sighing around me. So since she was obviously trying to get my attention I say, “What’s wrong mom?”
Mother: “Nothing just me and your stepdad feeling left out.”
Me thinking it was because I stayed home, “Oh sorry I just didn’t feel like going out.”
My mom quickly replies back, “No it’s just why would you put your profile of you and your father and not of all of us.” (referring to me, her, and my stepdad who honestly doesn’t seem to care about it)
“Well it was a nice pic of me and dad.”
Mom: “You don’t even live with him anymore he left for Georgia me and stepdad are more a part of your life.” (again stepdad really looks like he could give less of a care)
Me just not in the mood to deal with this because I’m a big boy now, “Mom it’s just social media I still love you I just wanted a pic of me and dad on my profile picture.”
Mom: “I’m not trying to argue (not true) you asked what’s wrong and I told you.”
This isn’t the first time she tried to start an argument, she’s done it before when I was younger. But I do feel bad for not having her on my social media, and I was thinking about changing it to something else just so she’ll stop being passive-aggressive but I don’t want to change the picture it looks really good!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is using emotional blackmail to make you feel bad. That is wrong, ask her why she is jealous that for now, you have this picture up, and you like it, explain your reasoning and tell her she is entitled to her feelings but you will not let her turn this into something it is not.” Icy-Cherry-8143
Another User Comments:
“That is weird behavior from your mom. The easiest way to help resolve this would probably be to do an “I graduated” post which has the photos of your mom and stepdad in it, front and foremost. It’s probably slightly less what your profile picture is and more feeling like you don’t share family photos including her.
You could even make it so only she and your stepdad could see it, or them and her church friends if this isn’t the kind of post you usually make. NTJ” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your dad left and your mom raised you and supported you and played a bigger part in you being able to graduate.
You are so impressed that your dad drove so far but he stayed for 2 hours. Did you acknowledge your mom’s support in a public way? Yes, I understand that mothers are expected to sacrifice and just be supportive but there is no reason for you to be ungrateful and insensitive.
Take a moment and imagine how different your life would have been if your mom had chosen to put herself first and abandoned you too.” Friendly_Caregiver74
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