People Brace Themselves To Hear The Truth After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Leaving My Own Graduation Party Because Of My Show-Off Cousin?
“So I just finished up school and my family threw a big party for me. I invited my friends and my significant other. I was super excited, but I was told one of my cousins who I cannot stand is coming. She tends to outshine me in anything.
My GPA was a 3.95 so I was in Cum Laude. So she decided to become just like me and graduated Magna Cum Laude.
So I tell my dad that I do not feel comfortable with her coming as she tends to make it about herself and ruins the moment.
He said “oh she changed don’t worry.” I just nodded and went to the store to get party supplies.
So the night before my party comes around. All my family is here for dinner. My aunt asks me “what is Cum Laude.” And I begin to answer but my cousin goes “it’s the lowest of the smart people.
OP should’ve gotten Magna Cum Laude like I did. That just shows I’m smarter than her!!” I rolled my eyes and left the table. I didn’t even finish my food.
After a little bit, my stepsister comes in and says “hey I can’t stand her either.
That was wrong of her. Did you tell Dad?” I said “no because he said she changed, but she’s still acting like a child and making it about herself.” My stepsister decided to stay in my room for a little and we just talked.
As I was getting ready, my cousin comes in and says “hey I have that dress but it’s better than yours.
See?” I ignored her. She walked out and yelled, “OP is smoking!!” Which I am not because I am simply sitting at my vanity doing my makeup. No one listened because everyone in my family knows I don’t mess with any substances.
I drive over to the venue with my significant other and we begin to set up.
The party starts at 3:45. We finish setting up by 3:30. My cousin was in my backseat messing with me and I didn’t know. “Come on (cousin’s name) that isn’t funny at all. You’re messed up and you shouldn’t have done that.” She put a balloon with dyed shaving cream on my pants.
I walk in and everyone says “I thought you were here?” I said “no I just had to take care of something.” Then that is when I turned my head. My cousin was wearing my dress, my heels, and my graduation sash my mom had bought me.
I had all that in a bag in my trunk. I start crying and I run out.
My day was ruined by my cousin all because she wanted it to be all about her. So I left. Had dinner with my friends who didn’t come because of my cousin and of course my significant other.
My family called me immature and self-centered for leaving, but I just read the texts and ignored them.
Now I know I shouldn’t have left, but I was so upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either lower contact with your family until they realize they didn’t really want you to be happy but feel good about themselves for throwing a party, no matter how it goes and how much you enjoy it or find her weaknesses and draw b***d.
The long game b***d. Like planning something similar for a wedding day, a first birth, or something equally important to her. This is my fave but you gotta be ready to burn bridges beyond what can be repaired.” AmbitiousStomach46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are missing your chances.
She’s lying, she’s bragging because she is insecure and hiding it. She pushes you and you run away…when she showed up in your clothes (if that happened) you should have told her ‘this is why you have no friends – you act like an idiot’.
She brags about things that won’t matter at all in a week or a month and you LET her upset you. Stand your ground with people like her – they are empty shells in the end.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin is clearly the jerk in your story.
The way she downplayed your success and mouthed off about being smarter than you was completely uncalled for. And the fact that she would put on your party outfit and sash just shows the extremes that she will go to to steal your spotlight. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s jealous of you for some reason and has been since you were little.
Lord, I hope you don’t have to invite her to your wedding, she’ll probably show up in a big flashy wedding gown… Oh, and your parents suck for not having your back and putting a stop to your cousin’s petty immature behavior.” wildflower7827
20. AITJ For Taking My Nephew To The Beach While Babysitting Him For Free?
“My sister is a CNA and a single mom with a 9-month-old.
2-3 days a week, we watch my nephew Skyler while she does her 12-hour shift. (for free) My wife has been getting tired of this, and we told her a few weeks ago that we wanted to take a break from watching Sky. We are a childless couple and are not planning to have children anytime soon.
Sunday, Father’s Day, we had the child 11a-11p. At the last minute, my wife’s family went to the beach about two hours away. We stopped at Target, got Sky some baby beach stuff, and we went. We did not ask my sister. We sent my sister a pic from the beach, and she flipped out, saying she wanted to be the first one to take him to the beach.
The discussion got nasty, and my wife’s family witnessed the whole argument. Many words were exchanged with them, so we decided that we would no longer watch Sky after this.
My dumb sister, when she came to pick the baby up at midnight, thought it would be a great idea to lecture my wife about how we overstepped taking Sky to the beach for the first time.
My wife told my sister to “go away and we are done with the both of them.” That was the end of it.
My sister reached out to me today saying she hasn’t found a babysitter for Tuesday and most places are too expensive for her shift. My wife blocked her and she was wondering if we could still watch Sky on Tuesday.
I repeated my wife’s words to her and said never again. My mother took the Tuesday shift and told me to work something out and everything was a misunderstanding and I told my mom my wife is firm we will NEVER babysit for my sister again.”
Another User Comments:
“If I’m babysitting your kid for free and I want to hang out with my family on a beach day or a mall day or an amusement park day. Guess what? I’m going to go as long as I have the safety of the kid in mind, which you did.
She doesn’t get to dictate mostly where you go. Because I’m not going to be locked into my apartment just because you have no one else to watch your child. You are completely in the right and she’s in the wrong. She could have said oh I wanted to take my child to the first Beach day.
I’m a little disappointed and let it go but she yelled complained and basically messed around and found out. Don’t curse and yell at the people who are doing you favors for free because then they stop. Now she has no babysitter and she’s in a bad place.
Too bad so sad NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has taken advantage of you and your wife’s generosity for long enough. Is she only working 2-3 days a week, or does she work a 5-day week, where you watched the baby for 2-3 days and she had other care arrangements for 2-3 days?
If she only works 2-3 days each week, then she’s had plenty of opportunities to take her child to the beach on her days off over that nine-month period. I can appreciate that single parenthood is very difficult, but she sounds ungrateful, jealous and is now upset that her free ride is over.
Hopefully, you can all come to some resolution though, for Skylar’s sake. The poor little fellow sounds like he will need his extended family around him.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my older sis watched my daughter 5 days a week for about 18 months. I was beyond grateful and yes my sis took my daughter to the ocean for the first time at 9 months old.
I was so grateful I didn’t have to pay my sis and I knew my daughter had the best sitter as my sis was my sitter when I was a kid. I loved the pictures and they had a blast. Guess what my daughter now 9 years old doesn’t remember that trip.
But she does love the pics too. Your sis blew up a good thing. ” PsychologicalMonk354
19. AITJ For Giving My Introverted Brother's Discord To A Girl He Met At An Anime Convention?
“Last week, I (21M) took my little brother (15) to an anime convention in our state.
It was my brother’s first time going to one, and he’s pretty nerdy to boot, so he had been very excited about going in the weeks leading up.
My brother isn’t a very social kid, by his own admission, he’s a massive introvert. He doesn’t have a ton of IRL friends, and on the drive up to the hotel room, he told me he “Wanted to make at least one friend” during the weekend, I told him I’d help if I could.
Early in the second day of the convention, he and I are waiting in line for the dealer’s hall to open, and in front of us is a girl about my brother’s age, playing on a Nintendo Switch.
I ask her what games she plays, and when she mentioned one that my brother (a huge Nintendo fanboy) had played, I say, “Oh, my brother here is a big fan of those too, isn’t that right, (Brother’s Name)?”
He sheepishly agrees and to my surprise, actually starts talking to the girl about the game, and then some other ones, before moving on to other nerdy things they had a shared interest in. It was the most I’d ever seen my brother interact with a stranger, and it made me very happy to see.
Eventually, the dealer’s hall opens, and my brother, the girl, and I all end up at the same booth, buying merch. As we’re checking out, I point to the girl and ask what my brother thought, he just as sheepishly tells me that he thought she was cool and kind of cute.
“You should go ask for her Discord, I bet she’d give it to you.”
“No,” is all he says in response.
When I press him on why, he says he’s nervous about coming off as creepy, and besides, what if she says no?
I tell him that as long as he isn’t approaching her in a creepy way, then he probably doesn’t have to worry about that, and if she says no, then she says no. That rejection is part of getting to know people and learning to handle it well when you’re young would be a big help for when he’s an adult.
He tells me no again, and by that time, the girl is gone anyway.
Later during that day, my brother and I got separated, and I was walking around on my own. At some point, I notice the girl at a booth and go up to her.
I ask what she thought of my brother, and her response was remarkably similar to my brother’s. She thought he was funny and cute, and wanted to talk to him more about Switch games.
I offered to give her my brother’s Discord, and she agreed.
A few hours later, she finally messages him, a simple ‘hey’ with an introduction and how she got his Discord. My brother was angry, he immediately started telling me that it was a total breach of his privacy to give out his Discord without his permission.
I pointed out that he had told me that he wanted to make friends at the convention and that I basically dropped one at his feet. He went quiet, and was chilly around me for the rest of the day, but was fine by tomorrow.
That was a week ago, I did apologize to him, and it feels important to say that he and the girl are still talking daily.
Was I the jerk for giving out his Discord without asking him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pushed him a little out of his comfort zone and he reacted in a way someone who is incredibly introverted would.
As long as you don’t push stuff like that on him too far or too often it’s actually good for him. Little nudges are healthy for people like that, IMO. FYI, I’m a huge introvert.” Pastel_Phoenix_106
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He just needed a little nudge and already articulated fear of rejection, not a desire not to get to know her better.
It takes two clicks to block someone on Discord and she wouldn’t have any other way to contact him after so that’s not the big deal people who vote otherwise seem to make it out to be. You did a nice thing, he needed a little nudge.
Some of the people here are deranged, the whole point of Discord is interacting with stran***s, often resulting in friendships. We’re not talking about a social media platform filled with personal info here… I’m going to go out on a limb and predict your little brother is going to thank you for this in the next few days as their friendship develops.” EvilTactician
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it’s a fair boundary for your brother to have. But his reaction was probably based more on the fact you gave it out at all, regardless of who it was to. He was obviously not prepared for that and the surprise may have also been a shock for him to process.
On top of this, he may have been anxious about how to proceed with communication, felt insecure about whether or not he would make the wrong impression or been uncomfortable about making mistakes. I’m inclined to say no jerks here. It sounds like your brother felt uncomfortable and anxious at the time but has been able to process it now and it’s working out well. Next time you know to check with your brother beforehand if you might be inclined to pass on his info.
And hopefully, he trusts your judgment a little better now and understands you were able to assess the situation and see that it was likely to be mutually beneficial.” pluvio_fille
18. AITJ For Giving My Absentee Father An Ultimatum About My Wedding?
“My dad( 51M) left my life when I was 8 and he came back when I was 19.
I (24F) am engaged to my partner Scott (25M). We have a baby girl named Jahde. We have been planning our wedding for months and we sent my dad multiple messages asking if he was coming. He didn’t respond until last week. Our wedding is in early July.
He said that he will have to see if he is coming. He missed most of my birthdays so I told him that I need an answer by Friday afternoon. He said okay and I thought all was good.
Yesterday he texted me and said that he wanted to invite 6 more people.
We don’t have that big of a budget so we aren’t having a big grand wedding, just what we can afford. I told him that the wedding would be overpacked and we wouldn’t have enough chairs and space. I then asked him if he made a decision.
He said that he will have to “check his schedule,” we have been telling him about it since November. I then told him he has all day today to make a choice but I need an answer.
Today, he said that he needs extra time because his wife is going shopping.
I told him that he has missed everything important to me. He missed my daughter’s birth, my birthday, and now he has a choice. He can either miss my wedding or walk me down the aisle filled with joy. He hasn’t responded but his side of the family says that I’m being overdramatic.
They say I should just forgive him and that he has changed but I don’t believe it. Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Why would he want to invite six MORE people to an event he doesn’t seem keen on attending himself? What a piece of work he is.
NTJ. And your family who are telling you to forgive him can shove it. You can’t forgive someone who hasn’t even apologized! Or stopped acting poorly. Zero remorse. Zero accountability. Zero chance. He seems pretty worthless to me. I’m sorry you have a man like that for a father.
I’m flummoxed that you ever offered and are still offering for him to walk you down the aisle! Congratulations on your marriage! I hope you and Scott have a wonderful day.” Alternative-Job-288
Another User Comments:
“Just go ahead and disinvite him. If he wanted to go to your wedding, he would be there.
That he refuses to commit – he is doing you a favor. You don’t want to be ready to walk down the aisle and where is he? Nowhere to be seen, again, like he has been, so many times in the past? Disinvite him, or at least quit asking him and make other plans.
You deserve better. And your dad’s side of the family sounds like a bunch of apologist enablers. You can rethink their invitations, too, if they don’t pipe down. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“OP, I’m not your dad, but I am a dad to 3 two of them are daughters around your age.
The only acceptable answer your dad should give in this scenario is “do you need me to arrive early to help with setup?” I’m sorry that your dad didn’t do his job. I’m sorry that he is so emotionally immature making him emotionally unavailable to you.
Walking you down the aisle is a privilege, it should be one of the biggest joys in his life. I hope you have someone else in your life who has earned the honor of walking you down the aisle. That’s not an honor that is given to someone just because they had an o****m in your mom.
If not, walk down that aisle solo with your head held high.” NotScruffyNerfherder
17. AITJ For Hosting A Vegetarian Dinner Without Consulting My Meat-Eating Brother?
“I (23f) hosted a dinner recently to celebrate getting an apartment. There’s a farmers market pretty close to my place, so I was excited to get some in-season produce.
The menu: French onion soup to start, butternut mac and cheese with garlic green beans and arugula salad, and apple pie as dessert.
I’ll admit that I don’t host often and I’m not very experienced at putting a menu together, but I spend a lot of time in the kitchen cooking for my family.
My parents and sister liked it, my brother didn’t. He told me there was no reason to omit meat since we all ate it (it wasn’t a conscious decision on my part, I don’t eat meat every day and my parents don’t either).
And that he was disappointed. He told me to send him the menu next time so he can decide if he wants to come or not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t let this bother you. I would tell your brother there will be no sending of menus; he can either get an invite or you can not ask him to attend at all.
The crazy things some people think they can demand when they are your guests! Maybe forget to invite him next time, and when he complains just say that after his previous whining and complaining you were sure he wouldn’t want to attend. When he starts complaining about that, tell him, “Yes, that behavior right there, what you’re doing right now… that’s why I figured you’d be happier not being invited than being told you will eat whatever is served or you can leave.” Don’t feel bad and definitely stand your ground!
Anyway, NTJ. I’m just sorry your brother is a giant jerk!” Ben_Lahnger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a very rude jerk guest. Just because he’s related to you doesn’t mean he gets to review your menu prior to coming to your house and decide what you have to fix for him!
Your dinner sounds delicious! I love getting fresh produce at our Farmers Market! If he doesn’t like what you’re serving when he gets there, he doesn’t have to eat it. He can take his jerk ways home.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“I always tell people that they can plan meals and decor when they host. People used to complain about candles and dishes, etc. These people never host. At one dinner, I explained that I would be hosting less due to costs and time.
They were upset and then offered to potluck something. I said no, I will look forward to their party. They had one, it was not very good. I told them how I felt. They told me it was very expensive and time-consuming and that I could be grateful.
I reminded them about reciprocity.” something-strange999
16. AITJ For Being More Excited About One Granddaughter's Name Because It Follows Family Tradition?
“In our family, it is tradition for the girls to be named after a flower, some examples Lily, Poppy, Rose, and so on.
I love the tradition.
I have two sons and one girl. This is about my two sons and two DILs. My first son Mark married Kelly. Mark and Kelly had a baby girl and didn’t follow the tradition. I was a bit sad about it but overall it is their kid.
My other son Ryan and his wife Jenny announced to the family that they are having a girl and will name her after a flower. This was over a family dinner. They told me they will be keeping the tradition alive. I was really happy and gave them a hug.
I told them I am so excited for them and grateful that they are keeping the tradition alive. I asked if they would like to look at my family books, to see if a name pops out or if they wanted help.
They agreed and I spent about an hour looking at names with them.
The problem is Mark and Kelly told me I was being a jerk. That I was never that happy when I learned about what they named my first granddaughter. That I need to apologize ASAP.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, but an outside opinion would be nice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apologize for what? For being excited? For being happy? You have the RIGHT to be excited. You have the RIGHT to express your happiness. They were right you weren’t as happy about the name they chose as you were about your other son and his wife using a name that follows a family tradition.
And that’s okay because we don’t have to like or love everyone and everything EXACTLY the same. Make it make sense. You are not responsible for an adult’s feelings. You don’t need to apologize to them. They both sound petty and immature.” Unicornfarts68
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, no jerks here. Mark & Kelly are just feeling hurt because they got different treatment. They called you a jerk because they didn’t know how to say “I feel hurt.” Having a parent treat another sibling “better” than you is basically the #1 fear of most kids.
I don’t think you did anything wrong–you were just excited–but if you want to be closer to M&J then you should apologize and make sure they know you love them and their kid, no matter what her name is. It’ll pay off in the end even if it isn’t really necessary.” zippy_zaboo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am the 7th generation of a family name, my daughter is the 8th. When my nana found out what I was naming my daughter, she was absolutely thrilled and called me up to let me know. My sister also has a daughter.
Her name is beautiful and very meaningful, but it is not a family name. So my nana did not call her up all excited about the name. Nor did my sister expect it. In fact, I’d bet you $100 my sis has never even thought about this before lol.
Your son and DIL are being ridiculous. You are excited that they are carrying on the tradition. There is nothing wrong with that.” WifeofBath1984
15. AITJ For Banning My Husband's Family From Staying At Our House After They Were Unhelpful?
“My husband (34M) and I (31F) recently threw a birthday party for our 3-year-old daughter. We also have two other little ones in the house (2F & 1M). My husband’s dad decided that he wanted to stay with us for the party. He brought his wife, my BIL, and my SIL.
We were hosting almost 100 people in our house. I ordered most of the items we needed for hosting/serving purposes and had the food catered. All we needed to do on the day of was move around our home to accommodate the tables/chairs/hosting equipment and set everything out.
My FIL decided to spend most of the day in his room and away from the setup. His wife was constantly walking around and complaining about being asked to stay quiet since the baby was napping. As I was running around carrying large tables, moving furniture, decorating, watching children, etc. my husband’s family was calling me mean names behind my back while also being no help at all – not even hanging out with the kids that they were supposedly there to see!
After the party, my family stuck around to help clean up. My husband’s family also stuck around, apparently just to judge. My FIL, his wife, SIL, and BIL all stayed out of the way and napped while we cleaned up. My MIL and her husband sat around and watched my family clean up.
After my MIL and her husband left (3 hours after the party ended) they were apparently talking about how weird it was that my family was helping and how gross it was that everything needed to be cleaned right away. They said that my kids are probably going to have problems as they grow up since I keep them in such a ‘sterile’ environment.
My house is in NO WAY perfect, but after hosting that many people there is definitely some cleaning to do before letting 3 under 3 run around the house again!
I told my husband that his family is no longer allowed to stay with us when they’re in town for events and they need to leave when the event is done.
I’m tired of feeling judged in my own space. He says I’m being too harsh and that they’re just not as ‘clean’ as we are. He thinks since they didn’t actively hinder us and didn’t make these comments directly to me, I should just brush it off.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t just have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem. One, your husband failed to set appropriate expectations for his father’s family coming to your house when you have 3 toddlers and hosting a huge party. At a MINIMUM I would expect the “cost” of staying with you would be to help out with party set-up and breakdown, or helping with childcare.
There were (at a minimum) two extra sets of adult hands that could help support such a big undertaking (not sure how old your siblings-in-law are, but I would expect that if they are pre-teen and up they could help too). If they didn’t want to help out in any way and just be “regular” guests, they should not be getting to stay for free and treat your own home like a hotel.
Then not only did your in-laws not help, but they actively criticized you and created it sounds like MORE work because the young kids weren’t supervised. Again, if it was “too loud” for the baby, your MIL could have taken the baby OUTSIDE or gone to the park or something.
The idea that the in-laws literally sat around post-party NOT HELPING CLEAN or asking if they could help you is insulting to a level I would question my desire to ever speak to them again. Your husband not backing you up, let alone that he let his own family sit around and not help out, is beyond unacceptable.
You were right to lay down the law and protect your peace, but I would seriously consider couples’ counseling because I suspect your husband is a pushover with his family in more ways than just this episode.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need more discussion with your husband because it seems you have totally different interpretations of this situation.
You describe they were needy and critical guests, inconsiderate, and essentially treated it like a vacation at a hotel, whereas he is only evidently commenting on their remarks about the home being clean. Honestly, his perspective on this still sucks to me – being criticized in your own home is ridiculous – but the most glaring thing here is your husband seeming to ignore the bigger issues that contributed to you wanting to draw this line.
This is a reasonable boundary to draw in my opinion, I mean how much should you be expected to cater to inconsiderate, ungracious guests who aren’t even going to treat you and your family respectfully in the process?” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This isn’t about housecleaning standards, but rather civility. It doesn’t matter if they wash up directly after a party, or do it a few hours later, in their own home. This was your event. They repeatedly disparaged you in your own home, while you worked so hard as a hostess.
This violated guesting etiquette and basic manners. It is disappointing that your husband has sided against you instead of serving as your shield, which is his job. He should have had a firm word with his own family, the moment they began disrespecting you. In closing, if you don’t clean up after 100 guests, right away, your three little children would probably go around putting other people’s utensils in their mouths.
Gross. Of course you clean up before losing 3 under threes.” Shdfx1
14. AITJ For Refusing My Sister's Last-Minute Request To Stay At My Apartment?
“My sister has called me last minute requesting that she and her five friends stay over for two nights this weekend. I told her firmly no. She always requests to stay at my place last minute as I live downtown in a major city.
I told her repeatedly to stop making such requests, and this seems to be the only time they ever contact me.
I do not hate her coming over and she included me in activities. Yet these visits are exhausting emotionally for me. Honestly, I am tired and don’t want the company right now.
Now I have multiple family members calling me unreasonable and heartless. Am I the jerk for saying no to her request?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. Last-minute requests show a lack of respect for your time and space 2. Sure they include you but they’re still using you for your apartment 3.
6 People extra in what is assumably a small apartment sounds like a nightmare 4. It’s your space and yours to say who gets to stay. There’s nothing heartless in this whatsoever 5. They want to go downtown then they’re going to have to pay.” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“No of course not. And don’t try to convince her, she won’t want to be convinced. Just find your mantra and repeat it over and over: “this is not a good weekend for me”. Just because she wants a party crash pad doesn’t mean you need to surrender your space.
Who cares what other family members think? You can respect their opinion on one thing, and realize they are full of nonsense on another thing. Why is she crying to other family members anyway? You are both adults. Handle it like adults. Don’t go running to mommy like when you were 8.
Although I suppose if it still worked like when you were 8 maybe she never learned better. NTJ.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“”Heartless”? “Heartless” is for “you refused to help her take her ailing child/pet to get medical care” or “you borrowed her cherished heirloom bracelet from grandma and then sold it after the two of you had a pointless spat.” It is not for declining to allow a HALF-DOZEN party girls to crash at your place with zero notice after you’ve already told her to stop asking.
And that is a big, big ask, especially if you’re busy, or tired, or just not a super social person. The only “unreasonable” people here are your sister for continuing to request something you’ve repeatedly told her you’re not okay with, and your pushy family members who for some INSANE reason think they get a say in what you do with your own time and your own home.
And by the way, deliberately guilting you and making you feel bad for asking people to respect your darn time, space, and preferences is … what’s the word? HEARTLESS. NTJ.” OrigamiStormtrooper
13. AITJ For Responding Harshly To My Dad's Text After He Undermined My Achievement?
“Yesterday, I (31F) went with my fiancé and a friend to a fair. I had never shot any kind of gun before (for context, law regulations in my country are very strict) but my grandpa had a shotgun and my dad taught me how to aim when I was a kid (with the shotgun unloaded).
A bit more context, my relationship with my parents is a bit strained for several reasons.
I went to one of those games where you shoot the cans with a BB gun and I did a pretty decent score (7 in 9 cans, considering I had 12 shots and the gun discharged the last 3 in a row because it was faulty).
I was kinda proud of myself and texted my dad about it. The message exchange went as follows:
Me: Turns out I’m quite good at aiming.
Dad: You got that after Daddy. At 50m, I would shoot off the head of a match. What you don’t know is that shooting games always have their aims out of tune so that you purposely miss the target.
Which means that you shoot poorly, but due to that you ended up shooting well.
Me: No, the aim is right, the bottom cans are just weighted. And even then there were only 2 cans left. I sent you a message because I was happy and proud, and because you were the one who taught me how to aim, but thank you for immediately giving that answer
Dad: Wow, calm down, no one is calling you names or saying bad things about your aim. Sensitive as anything. Of course it was nothing against you. Forget about the paranoia that everyone is out to get you and stop seeing the bad in everything people say to you.
It doesn’t get you anywhere and it just upsets you.
My dad was pretty mad and thinks I’m kind of a jerk for saying what I said. I might have been harsh. But this comes after a lifetime of him undermining or underestimating everything I do.
My fiancé and friend say I was in the right. My mom thinks I’m a jerk. So, what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So first he says you shoot poorly, aka that your aim is bad, and then he follows up by saying that no one is saying bad things about your aim?
I guess he’s no one then. Sounds like your dad has some serious self-esteem issues if he thinks he’s no one. Therapy time for him.” Corodix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad’s response to you was a perfect example of DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) which is a really common tactic used by emotional abusers.
He responded to your first, very nice, text by insulting you, by telling you that you weren’t entitled to be proud of something, that he had more info than you did about a situation that he literally had zero information about. And when you called him on his behavior, he used DARVO to gaslight you and your mother backed his play.
I’ve no doubt that you have experienced this routine a million times and it’s no wonder that you question your reaction. Trust your fiancé and friends, they can see this more clearly and if you haven’t already, talk to a therapist, it will help you see your parents and their behavior more clearly.” Missing_Anna
12. AITJ For Encouraging My Daughter To Resolve Her Relationship Issues?
“My (50F) daughter (Isabelle – 25) has been with her partner (Catherine – 27F) for about two years. Isabelle and I are very close and we talk to each other a lot.
I’ll admit I had my doubts regarding Catherine at first. She works a demanding but prestigious job in healthcare and wouldn’t really have much time for anything but work initially, etc. However, she pleasantly surprised everyone myself included. They’ve been living together for 6 months.
Now they had an argument regarding a minor issue at home (they’re still getting used to living together) and in my opinion, Isabelle over-reacted a bit and came over to my house for the night saying she couldn’t bear to be with Catherine for the moment.
Two days later, we received flowers and a gift from Catherine, saying she would love to see Isabelle back home, etc. Isabelle was being stubborn and insisted on staying with me a bit longer.
I may be the jerk here. I told her not to be so cold-hearted and tried to persuade her to go back.
I have seen Isabelle with other partners too but with Catherine, she just shines brightly all the time. Even the blind can see how Catherine loves her. So I told Isabelle to not ruin her happy days by sulking.
She said I was meddling in her relationship and that she and Catherine would eventually work it out but she needed to make her try harder etc. She said I should stop with the meddling.
Was I the jerk? Should I apologize? I don’t know it all seems so unnecessary.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like sufficiently simple advice not to be meddling. “She needed to make her try harder.” Now that’s what we call a red flag. Making schemes to test people in a relationship or trying to manipulate them to try harder like that is not healthy behavior at all.
Your daughter might be the jerk here in more ways than one. Talking to her about how bad that statement is might cross the threshold into meddling, though…” thegagis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my mom would have had a lot more to say than that, and what you said was very sweet.
Also, she’s young and will grow out of that. I know from experience. Most moms are always right as much as we daughters hate to admit it. Took me many years to realize my mom’s “meddling” was just because she wants the best for me, even if I don’t agree or like her opinion.” SeaButterscotch7337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But take her up on her advice and “stop meddling” by giving her a place to sulk and hide from her partner. Adults who need interference don’t run away from the problems and hide at their parents’ house over small arguments, they use their big girl words and communicate with their partners instead of playing passive-aggressive mind games.
The next time she pulls something like this, Catherine may decide she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a toddler, so your advice about not wasting her happiness is spot on.” AGirlHasNoGame_
11. AITJ For Protecting The Anonymity Of A Survey Respondent?
“I recently sent out surveys to the members of a small group I’m part of to gather feedback on how the year went.
One member approached me, the club president, and asked if they could submit their survey anonymously. Believing that anonymity encourages honest feedback without fear of reprisal, I allowed it.
When the board reviewed the survey responses, one stood out. It was passionate and expressed frustration with certain activities, stating that they felt uncomfortable with how things were being run.
Despite the strong feelings, the feedback contained no threats or personal attacks.
However, the person responsible for organizing those activities, let’s call her Dee, got upset. Instead of addressing the concerns raised, she immediately demanded to know who submitted the survey. Since this was the only anonymous submission, I knew who it was.
But I believe people should be able to give feedback without fear of reprisal, and Dee’s reaction only reinforced this belief. I refused to reveal the name.
This refusal made Dee even more upset. She emailed me the next morning, accusing me of lacking integrity and insisting that I tell her who submitted the survey.
I stood my ground, explaining that anonymity in surveys is crucial for honest feedback and that revealing the respondent’s identity would violate my ethics and self-respect.
Dee argued that, as someone who served with me on the board for three years, she deserved my respect and should always know who submits feedback.
She believes those administering surveys need to know the respondents’ names to address issues directly. Additionally, she recalled being asked for input on the survey’s content and stated, “Therefore, I believe that this is not a personal endeavor of any one member of the board.
At no point was anonymity guaranteed to anyone filling out the survey, and, by that, I mean remaining anonymous to those who had a hand in developing the survey. Of course, the views should not be shared beyond the boundaries of the board. Also, this is not a matter of your personal ethics.
Although developed principally by you, this has been a board process and, if you disagree, then you were out of line to involve members of the board in refining it.”
It’s worth noting that the survey had a spot for names, which I felt discouraged members from submitting honest feedback or expressing their true concerns.
My request was to set the questions asked on the survey and gather information to help the club learn from the past year.
I don’t feel that I stepped out of line. Their feedback helped develop the questions needed for the survey. And while no guarantee of anonymity was on the survey, there was no mention that it wasn’t.
AITJ for not telling her what I know?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anonymity is TRULY the only way to get honesty out of people. And that name slot should be removed so that there is NO pressure to identify yourself. I am sending my son to a daycare where the director is a full-on bully and would kill to have an anonymous survey to fill out to have things change over there.
It would be the only way to feel safe speaking out and to avoid her wrath. Keep the anonymity going!” la_coccinelle_verte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing by keeping the survey respondent anonymous, especially since the feedback was meant to be constructive and wasn’t personal or threatening.
Dee’s reaction just proves why anonymous feedback is so important. Her freaking out and demanding to know who submitted the feedback shows she can’t handle criticism and might retaliate, which justifies keeping it anonymous even more.” GoddessGirl1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Dee needs to chill out.
It sounds like she’s offended by that response, and is probably a big reason the member wanted to submit it anonymously. I’d tell her, if it was her that had asked you to remain anonymous and someone else wanted to know whose feedback it was, would she expect you to keep her identity hidden?
Or would she want you to tell that person it was her? I highly doubt if she was in this member’s shoes that she’d want her identity revealed. Also, was it ever explicitly stated that you needed to put your name on it? If not, there shouldn’t be an issue and Dee really does need to back off.
Just to add as someone who’s had to work with surveys like this in the past, I’d suggest that in the future these surveys should just be done anonymously. Especially since it is a small group.” c***********k
10. AITJ For Asking Tall Guys At A Concert To Sit Down So My Cousin And I Could See?
“I (30sf) have been to a K-pop concert with my younger cousin (13f) and due to age and both of us being very short (just a bit over 5 foot) we bought premium sitting tickets.
Again due to the venue rules, she is not allowed to be in the standing area due to her age.
This is a band my cousin wanted to see live for years and had been looking forward to the concert since it was announced and even traveled from a different country to see the show (they were not performing in our home country).
Now to the issue: the seats in front of us were occupied by 2 very tall guys (6 foot +) who kept standing up at each song regardless of the tune, even though there wasn’t anyone standing in front of them. Even with my cousin and I standing up, we wouldn’t be able to see anything due to how tall the guys were, and the same applied to the people sitting behind us.
After a few songs, I got very annoyed as my cousin was feeling upset as she couldn’t see the show. I tried talking to the guys first asking if they would mind changing seats so we could see the show too, which they declined. After I lost my cool and basically turned to grumpy adult mode, I asked them to please glue their bottoms to the seats since there were other people in the venue who can’t see the show they also paid for because of them being inconsiderate.
I also said I would consider calling a steward about this as I don’t think it is fair to obstruct the entire view like that. Quite a few people on our row and row behind us agreed while the guys in question called me a massive jerk and mood killer.
Some more info: the guys were around 17-20 and the seats were automatically allocated at the time of purchase, so we couldn’t choose our seats, otherwise we would have chosen something closer. The concert in question was yesterday.”
Another User Comments:
“I was just at a concert on Saturday and there were seats right behind the front area where people were standing.
I was standing there with my partner. A woman in the seats about 8 feet behind us asked us if we would move – and guess what? We did! Not a huge deal. I don’t understand why people take such offense at being asked to consider others.
Kindness actually makes you feel good. NTJ.” OK-NO-YEAH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. Y’all are short, the people in front of you were entitled jerks. They thought their desire to stand, thus blocking the view of TWO ROWS behind them, was more important than ALL of you being able to see.
There is a lack of courtesy in a lot of people and it’s disheartening to watch people act incapable of understanding empathy.” Desolate-Dreamland
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in Asia family seating is a thing and it’s made very clear that you are meant to stay seated for the concert (exceptions made for certain fan chants).
Usually, people with this type of ticket will move to the aisle for more energetic parts of the set. Since it’s pretty common for parents to bring young kids to see their favorite idol group, this type of area is so everyone can see. I was in one of these areas in Japan and a grandma was there to enjoy the show with her light stick but seated the whole time.
I don’t know why all these people are calling you a jerk when they are the ones who didn’t buy standing tickets. If it’s different by country then I know where I don’t want to attend a concert.” _2100
9. AITJ For Refusing To Physically Care For My Dying Mother-In-Law?
“I have been married for 18 years. My in-laws have stayed with us for 15 years. I have had many struggles with them, being in our home throughout the years with not respecting my marriage, rules I have for the home and kids.
I say this so you guys can know our relationship is not the best, it has nothing to do with this. But I want you guys to know what my husband has known about our relationship.
For many years my mother-in-law has been an unhealthy individual with addiction issues and health issues due to those issues.
Food, pills, and is overweight and does not care for her illnesses. For many years I tried to help my mother-in-law do better and say I will do everything with her so she can live longer. I have tried and given up trying to get things to change for her health and life.
While all those issues have caught up to her, she was recently told she needed to go on hospice care. My husband has decided to bring her home where she can pass in peace. At first, I was concerned for my kids to watch this and have it happen at home but I couldn’t imagine being told I only had a few weeks or months to live.
So I would want her to be and feel safe and comfortable.
My husband is trying to work until that time gets closer. He has siblings but one is more helpful than the other. Long story short he changed his work schedule to nights to be home during the day so my older kids do not need to care for her as they are teens.
As he went to leave he told me he would need me to wipe his mom’s butt if she pooped. I let him know it is not something I can do. I can cook, clean and other things but wouldn’t be able to do so for my parents, and had this been me I would have to put my parents in a care facility because it’s something I can’t stomach.
I struggle with smelly things and I know she would feel bad if I started gagging and throwing up. Is it ok for me to let him know that? I believe some people can handle those things and others cannot, I would have loved to work in the medical field but can’t stomach b***d, spit, or bodily things.
I really need to know am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not everyone is cut out to be a nurse, and that’s fine. Hospice should be providing you with services for exactly this. Reach out to them. And keep kiddos away from the situation.
It doesn’t matter how old they are, this is a brutal thing to watch, and they didn’t consent to this trauma. God knows I’m an adult and I still resent my dad forcing me to watch him waste away till the bitter end.” Industry_Cautious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your husband? He makes you live with his parents who you don’t get on with, including his addict mother, and now she’s dying he wants you to care for her while also caring for your children, him, his dad, and keeping the house nice?
I’m trying not to get a mental picture but somehow I’m sensing South Asia, possibly India or Pakistan? Because this seems to fit the cultural stereotype of the mama’s boy husband and his domineering mother plus long-suffering wife. Please don’t give in. Speak to MiL’s hospital, hospice, or whoever about getting her care and make it clear you aren’t doing it.
Your MiL deserves a proper caregiver in her last weeks. One who can help her with the things she needs help from and is trained to do so. That isn’t you. If you try to help with toileting of a bed-bound or medically fragile person you can easily spread infection or cause problems, it’s not like cleaning up an infant.
I’ve worked in elder care – if you even hold her wrongly then you can bruise her. If you try to lift her and she falls, she breaks a hip. If you lift her and try to stop her falling, you could damage your back for life.
If she gets frustrated and lashes out, she could badly hurt you or herself.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s irrelevant whether or not you have a sensitivity to smells/body fluids etc. It’s simply not your job to wipe your MIL’s bottom – it’s not something you ever signed up for.
It’s your HUSBAND’S responsibility to figure this out; he needs to either pay someone or do it himself, not fob it off on you! I wonder if his expectation is based on your gender or if it’s because it’s HIS mother or both? Either way, NTJ, from an ex-nurse who wiped a lot o’ butt (amongst other things) in his time…” Equivalent_Mode5378
8. AITJ For Not Allowing An Autistic Kid To Always Win At Sports Camp?
“I (20f) have coached a sports camp over the summer for the last several years at my local elementary school. The camp covers all sorts of sports and games for kids in elementary school to let them try many different sports and see which ones might stick.
This year, we’ve started an inclusion program for kids on the spectrum, where “inclusion specialists” work at our camp specifically to look after those kids and help them through the camp if they need it. I’ve really enjoyed this program and nothing is better than watching a kid find a sport they enjoy or excel at.
Fast forward to this week, the third week we’re holding the camp, and enter Connor and his mother Sara (fake names obviously). Connor is 10, on the older side for this camp, and when we first met him in the morning, he seemed like a pretty good kid to work with at a camp.
The problem was his mother.
She pulled me aside before the day started to specifically tell me about what Connor needed. Turns out, Connor had pretty severe meltdowns and what triggered them was losing.
His mother asked me to make sure Connor never lost a game.
This included his team never losing, letting him win all the races, making sure his team came first in the relays, never letting him get tagged in tag, and never letting him get eliminated in any sort of last-man-standing game. I told her on no uncertain terms that I couldn’t control that, and that was unfair to the other kids if I told them to always let him win.
She was not happy about this and told me that they were trying to avoid meltdowns this week and that he was working on it, but losing was still incredibly emotional for him. I told her that she really shouldn’t have sent him to a sports camp if she thought it would put him in distress or force all the other kids to cater to him.
She asked me what the inclusion program was for, and I told her it meant I as a coach could help him and his inclusion specialist could help him, but the other kids weren’t a part of this inclusion program.
She left very angry, but left Connor with us for the day, during which he had two meltdowns that the inclusion specialist dealt with, but I started feeling guilty.
The whole point of the program was to allow kids like him to participate, but I didn’t want to sacrifice the other kids’ experience just for him. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you did handle it wrong. You shouldn’t have said that he shouldn’t be at camp, you should have gotten the inclusion specialist to explain things.
It was fine to tell her you cannot try to make him always win, but let the people who understand inclusion explain why. “Left Connor with us for the day, during which he had two meltdowns that the inclusion specialist dealt with.” Some kids for neurological/disability reasons are going to have meltdowns.
Teaching them how to handle their emotional volatility and engaging in strategies that let them express emotions safely and calm down IS inclusion. His mom’s approach and request were unreasonable, but it sounds like the inclusion specialist knows what they’re doing and handled it.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What she wanted wasn’t inclusion; what she wanted was for her child to be catered to, to the point that every other child at the camp was an NPC to his main character. And she’s doing him no favors, if she ever expects him to gain any measure of independence because 90% of the world is not going to care about his triggers. That said, you were unnecessarily harsh; you should have passed her up the ladder to the people running the inclusivity program.” VisionAri_VA
Another User Comments:
“I grew up with an autistic sister. We always tried to include her in everything, but there were limits. My parents would NEVER have done something like this. We always gave her the option to participate, but if it was too much or if there were constant meltdowns, we changed course.
I talked about something very similar to this situation with my mom recently and brought up some of the memories of my sister and inclusion. She basically said, “We always included her, but if it was too much, it wasn’t fair to ruin anyone else’s experience.
The world is big. We just moved on to something else that she might enjoy.” Well done, mom. Well done.” luckluckbear
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Bring A Plus One To My Wedding?
“I (25F) am a Winter 2024 bride and am marrying the absolute love of my life. My sister and I have always had a great/interesting relationship.
Most sisters would know, one day you start fighting because she wore your clothes, and the next day you’re having Dunkin’ together, typical sisterly things.
Well, my sister has always been to put it frankly a pick-me girl. She has no friends who are women because she says “she sees them as competition” and she likes to be friends with boys.
She will only be with wealthy men and refuses to settle for less (a little bit to that later). My sister has not had a relationship last longer than 2 months, and she always has a new guy on her shoulder. My mother and fiancé were recently talking about this before I sent out my invitations.
I had mentioned since our venue was on the smaller side, we didn’t want strangers in our wedding, nor did we want them in our wedding photos. My mom had made a comment about how anyone my sister would bring would be a fling since she currently was not in a relationship.
When we went home that night, I brought it up to my fiancé (we’ll call him Bertram). I told Bertram that I really did not want a complete stranger in my wedding pictures, and certainly not someone my sister would only have been seeing a few weeks, maybe a month.
Well, just this past week Bertram and I sent out our wedding invitations, and they read “We have reserved __ seat(s) in your name.” So for example for my fiancé’s family it reads, “We have reserved 4 seat(s) in your name.” When my sister received her invitation, hers read “We have reserved 1 seat(s) in your name”.
And boy was she upset.
She called me and told me that it was not fair that she could not bring a plus one. I mentioned to her that she didn’t have the best track record with men and that Bertram and I really didn’t want some random person nobody would talk about in our wedding pictures.
She said that I was selfish, and that since our wedding was towards the end of December (the 29th) she had 6 months to find a partner, and that it would be a serious relationship. Now here I might’ve gotten mean, but I told her I would seriously doubt if she found anyone, given her track record for the absolutely worst men alive.
(As I mentioned before wealthy men, who think buying gifts will excuse unfaithfulness, and lying).
She got upset, hung up, and said she would be attending my wedding with a partner of 4 plus months because she will find one. AITJ for not giving her a plus one?
And would I be a jerk for considering to uninvite her altogether?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, you tell me? You’re placing yourself on a pedestal and using your wedding as an excuse to belittle and shame your sister’s love life because her plus-one might be in some photos?
If I were her I wouldn’t even come, and years down the road when people ask why you can tell them you cared more about the wedding photos than your sister. Get over yourself, seriously. YTJ.” behappysometimes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. New partners don’t need to be in official wedding photos.
If everyone else gets a plus one, you are discriminating against your sister because you don’t like her lifestyle. Being single at a wedding where everyone else is paired up is a crappy way to treat a guest. Unless this is a tiny intimate family wedding, what’s one more guest to ensure your sister isn’t left making awkward explanations about why she is attending the wedding alone and why her sister is successfully in a relationship and she isn’t.
Your wedding can be totally about you if you’re determined. But if you do love your sister, is this really worth damaging the relationship over?” Schezzi
Another User Comments:
“I think we are assuming the posed family photos taken at weddings. If you are giving out +1s to other people who are coming so that they can bring a date, your sister should have gotten one as well.
But I want to mention just because she brings a date does not mean he has to be in the wedding photos. You don’t have to have anyone in the photos that you don’t want there. If I were in your shoes I would allow her to bring a plus 1 but tell her in advance that they won’t be in the photos.
If by some chance you are talking about random reception photos that will be taken then I go back to the question: Are other people allowed to bring a +1? If so, there is no way to prevent acquaintances or strangers from being in some photos.” wafer_tater
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Ignore My Mom's Marriage Advice?
“My mom is a very sweet woman, but she’s never had to deal with any real difficulty in her life, bless her soul. She had a very sheltered and privileged upbringing, went to college to have fun (the intellectual kind), and promptly got married to my dad.
They have a traditional family style where he makes all the money and household decisions, and she does upper-crust housewife things.
So while she’s my mom and I love her, she’s the last person my brother, sister, and I go to advice for on anything other than social networking since she’s very good at that.
I know it sounds mean but she’s never worked any job, she’s been in one relationship her entire life, and they have enough money to make problems go away. Any advice she gives is the most surface-level stuff that we already thought of, and she doesn’t know enough to know that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
My brother and his wife (my sister-in-law) have been having some problems in their marriage about when to have kids. My brother doesn’t like the idea of being a super old dad and wants it to be now. My SIL has a good thing going with her career and wants to wait some years.
She’s only 26 so it’s not like the clock is ticking particularly loud at this point.
My sister and I are close with our SIL so she floated the idea of asking my mom for advice to me, since in her view, my mom raised 3 kids that turned out ok and she likes.
I explained to her why my mom’s bad at giving advice and that I’d found more success doing the opposite of what she says.
Well my SIL talked to my mom anyway and let it slip that I said all of that. And yes, my SIL did acknowledge that she received horrible advice about how no mothers care about their career once their first child is born so she might as well get started early or something.
Anyway, my mom is mad at me for saying all of that, and I feel bad for hurting her feelings. At the same time, though, I think it was worth mentioning because I think it’d be pretty jarring to receive advice like that on such a sensitive topic with no warning.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Caution with being frank with your SIL going forward. Either she doesn’t think before she speaks or she knows full well what she says and intentionally says it. Neither is good. I’m sure your mom’s feelings were hurt. You were not the one who hurt them; SIL was.
But if you love your mom, you can speak with her honestly to get past this. Tell her that there is so much you love about her but you don’t agree with her perspectives on addressing career (or money) issues. You might want to be prepared to list something (meaningful) that you would go to her for advice (e.g., dealing with in-laws or resolving a conflict with a friend).
You used the polite put-down of the South (bless her soul), so I’m not sure if you do respect her. If not, then you might want to re-examine your own perspective. But you were not a jerk for giving your honest assessment of going to her for advice on balancing career and family.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“Wow, I wouldn’t be disclosing anything to your SIL again! As for your mum, I’m sure she’s feeling very hurt. I would take her aside and tell her that you love her and treasure her advice on things where she’s the expert (childcare, cooking?, fashion?
whatever she’s good at), but that when you want advice on something where she’s not an expert (career, finance etc) that you’ll go to the expert in that field. Tell her that you never meant SIL to think you don’t respect her or want her advice because you do.
While your mum may still be hurt, she will hopefully see the logic. Tell her you love her and you never meant for her to get hurt. In short, I think you need to think before speaking, especially in front of SIL.” sandpaper_fig
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, if you went into all of what you said here about your mom and said that to your SIL. I also don’t really go to my mom certain advice, especially financial as my dad has always handled those things and my mom is still learning.
Her advice is colored by her own experiences and cultural background, she’s still rooting for me though. When her advice or input has been unhelpful I’ve actually told her. I don’t know your mom’s demeanor, but telling someone they aren’t considering what your dilemma is or that you’ve already thought about it that way isn’t wrong as long as you’re not being demeaning.
You could have just told your SIL that she should consider that your mom clearly thrived in the more traditional role of homemaking and child-rearing so may not connect with your SIL’s desires as well. Your mom’s advice was not invalid, it was based on her experience. You pretty much told your SIL that you dismiss your mom’s contribution to your household and that her life experience isn’t worth considering.
I think I’d be hurt as well.” FollowingFlour22
5. AITJ For Accidentally Dropping My Hair In A Shop And Being Accused Of Black Magic?
“So, I’m 15 and I recently got a haircut. I cut my waist-length hair to half its length. Anyhow, after walking out of the salon, I went to my local shop which had chips and stuff.
I went in there and realized that a piece of my hair was inside my crocs, so I shook my foot and made all the hair fall out of it.
This was almost 2-3 weeks ago.
I went to the shop today and she stared at me with a very serious look on her face and said “I know what you came here for.” I was shocked because she looked like she was about to tell me she had seen me steal something (I didn’t actually steal. Those were just irrational thoughts) or was about to make a really bad joke.
Here is the conversation that took place
”I know what you came here for.”
“Yeah….(she kept staring angrily)….chips.”
”You left a piece of your cut-off hair in my shop. I think we all know what that means.”
(I thought she was about to scold me for littering.)
”I didn’t do it intentionally. There was a piece of hair in my cross so I- ”
”It’s black magic. I and the people close to me believe it. You know right.”
(I just nodded because I didn’t know what the heck that meant and she freaked me out.)
”I didn’t do it intentionally. There was a piece of hair in my cross. I-”
”If you knew then why did you not do it outside? Please don’t come back here again.”
”Ok.”
”Now put back the stuff you were about to buy and go.”
”Ok.”
What do you think? Was I the jerk? I know I was wrong for littering and I regret it. I don’t usually litter, I was just very uncomfortable with my hair sticking to my foot.
(I found out from a friend that doing this means someone will die or it will bring bad luck.
He also said that if the hair is mine, I will be the one who is cursed. I also need to chant to cast the spell.) So even from a religious standpoint, I don’t know where she’s coming from???)”
Another User Comments:
“This is actually really, really funny.
I get that you were distressed in the moment, but it’s such a BONKERS reason to ban a customer from a shop! And you witnessed it firsthand! You had an opportunity to be a participant in the glorious diversity that is human bizarritude! Obviously, NTJ.
But also, hold this experience tight to your bosom, and pull it out whenever you need to tell a funny story.” psycholinguist1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the weirdest thing I have EVER heard. Usually, black magic that consists of using hair needs to be the “intended person’s” hair for cursing/spell casting, not your own… or that is what I have heard from witchy people (which makes sense).
I feel she is paranoid and was just looking for someone to take her bad luck for the week out on and referred to cringy Google searches that were NOWHERE near accurate to someone using black magic. I’m sorry she did this. What a delulu woman.” poisonedrequiems
Another User Comments:
“I have to apologize. But when I read this, I laughed. I know you didn’t feel good for what was said to you but this is such a bat-crazy reason to be banned from a store…I couldn’t help it. Totally not the jerk.
Since you JUST got the haircut, it’s equally likely that you could have dropped hair just by scratching your head, shaking it, or even just by being hit by a gust of air from a fan or the HVAC system. Most shopkeepers are resigned to the fact that the reason they have to sweep the floors is because people walk across them.
This one…seems to be a little mental. As a Wiccan who practices magic, we know that it’s the intent behind the spell work that gets the results. Not that I do “black magic”, but I know how hair can be used for ill. But someone has to put forth the effort to make it a spell and not just carelessly yeet it from a shoe to cause an effect and if she truly believes in magic herself…she should darn well know that.
My guess is that she doesn’t like teens in her store and this was just her bat-crazy, pulled from her rectally mounted replicator excuse to ban you. Not the jerk, ignore her and go to another store for your chips.” Random-widget
4. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Follow Hygiene Rules In My House?
“My dad recently moved to the area and has visited my house several times. When he visits, he sleeps on my couch and uses my bathroom. I have mild OCD, and part of the way it manifests is germaphobia.
Because I’m also autistic, I’m already pretty uncomfortable with visitors (my house is really the only place I feel safe and like I can be myself), but when people sharing spaces like my bathroom don’t share the same, or at least even average, standards of hygiene, I feel like I’m covered in ants, and it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
When he visited the first time, I mentioned offhand that I really prefer that the toilet seat be closed before flushing (I know the “poo plume” probably sounds grosser than it is, but the idea of fecal particles getting on my towels and toothbrush and stuff is so gross to me).
He did it a couple of times, but then continued leaving the lid up. I also noticed that he NEVER washes his hands properly – if he does, it is for no exaggeration 1-2 seconds without soap, even after going to the bathroom or digging in mud while helping with yardwork (which I make sure he knows his help is super appreciated).
I asked that while he uses my restroom, he just keep the lid closed and wash his hands, especially if he’s going to be using my kitchen.
He’s visiting now, and again, he is ignoring my requests. I kind of hate myself for it, but I ended up putting a sticky note in the bathroom that says “please close the lid of the toilet before flushing”.
I would usually never do something like that, but after a certain amount of visits, I thought maybe he just had a bad memory. Even with the note, he won’t close the lid or wash his hands.
In his own house, he can do whatever he wants – his space, his rules.
But especially with my autism and mild OCD, I really wish he would respect the very few, 0-effort “rules” I have. Today, I tried asking him again to please close the lid and wash his hands if we’re sharing a bathroom and kitchen as it causes me significant discomfort when he doesn’t.
He outright refused and said he’s not going to discuss it. He says something is wrong if I feel strongly about little things like this.
I really feel like people should respect others’ house rules when they visit, especially if it takes little to no effort.
But he reacted so strongly and gets upset when I bring up how important hygiene is to me that I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually being unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your home and, as a guest, he should be following your rules.
Especially one as easy to do as that. And there is nothing wrong if you feel strongly about it – there is, in fact, something wrong that your father is so determined to not follow your rule. I suspect that this is a power play by your father – he is proving to you that he still has power over you by not following your rules in your own home.
If he truly cared for you, he should respect your rules, OCD and autism or not, but especially because of those. Instead, he is determined to play these power games with you and then gaslight you to make you feel like you are being unreasonable.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not making unreasonable requests, and he is welcome to not visit. Unless you somehow depend on him, I would suggest you prevent him from visiting anymore until he agrees. He is even having outbursts when you are asking nicely.
This situation can be bugging and infuriating especially coming from a parent, when you have lived under rules and ways for years growing up, I imagine it is even more uncomfortable, to say the least when you have other conditions. Another less direct approach could be to explain to him your conditions and how his actions affect you.
This would only work if he is willing to listen and understand.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“Had to tell my mum to wash her hands after using my toilet (I also asked her to keep the toilet seat down as I had a lot of storage in my small bathroom but she forgot).
Knew she hadn’t washed as her hands were bone dry and I had forgotten to replace the hand towel. I was in the midst of handing her the clean dry one then went why the heck are your hands so dry plus I can’t smell my handwash.
My mum tried to argue her case by stating my house my rules before realizing we were in the place I rented with my own money. Refused to go anywhere with her until she did so as we were going out to eat. You are NTJ.
I’d be considering gifting any such person personal hygiene items for gifts (birthday, Christmas) at least once.” Acceptable-Net-154
3. AITJ For Feeling Ungrateful About My Last-Minute Birthday Gifts?
“I just turned 18 today and I feel like I am justified with how I feel but I got called a jerk for this earlier by a relative.
So today I woke up feeling pretty excited given my parents had been hyping up my 18th, talking about how it was going to be great and how they had put a lot of thought into everything. They had been doing this for months now and I mean that literally, my dad had even asked me for a list of music artists and books I was looking for and claimed not to ask why because I had my birthday coming up.
On top of that, they know I’m a big space nerd and love Spiderman and sharks and I also have a switch and mentioned a few pretty cheap video games I wanted to try. Yet when I saw what I got I realized that all the Amazon packages I had seen come the day before (and I know these were only ordered on the Friday as we have next-day delivery with my mum’s account) were what she had ordered for my gifts.
Let me start by saying that it’s not that I’m ungrateful for the fact they got me things. No, it’s the fact they put no thought into it. For a reference point, my brother back when he had turned 18 had received a major games console at the time and over £100 worth of games.
And yet I received a tacky t-shirt with the graphic peeling, a broken bookmark, and a mug that looks like the picture will peel off with one wash and an ’emotional support pickle’ crochet thing off Temu. Might I add these things all have the exact same phrase “omg I’m an adult now” which I expressed I usually don’t like on multiple occasions at past birthdays.
My mum seemed really proud of herself and I felt like a pain thinking about how much I hate it all so I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I don’t even know what was going through her mind really when she decided to get stuff the day before that she knows I wouldn’t enjoy.
And I know she’s been stressed recently because of the fact we’ve been getting building work done in the house. But the thing is I know money isn’t the problem because she just got herself and my dad two VIP tickets to go see Green Day on Tuesday and stay at a fancy hotel there.
I told one of my cousins about it and they said I was being an ungrateful brat about it and that I should just******* up because there are people out there who wouldn’t even have gotten anything for their birthday. She ended up telling my parents and it made them really upset and made them cry.
So please, while I feel justified in not liking these things, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and here’s why: you asked for specific things and they didn’t seem to get you any of what you requested, or anything similar. At least, from what I understood, it wasn’t at all what you were telling them.
They apparently ordered everything last minute and from Temu of all sites. It’s not about the cost of the gifts, but what they mean. You also expressed that you dislike the “OMG I’m an adult now” type of novelty gifts, but they are your parents.
If you’re the youngest, it could be difficult for them because now their baby isn’t a baby anymore. To put it into perspective, I am horrid at giving gifts. It will take me forever to figure out what to get someone, and then I have to order it close to the last minute.
But I also try to figure out what that person really enjoys. My wife loves to bake and crochet, but she also loves doing things with me. Sometimes a great gift makes you think of the person who gave it to you, rather than being something you truly enjoy.
What you do next is totally up to you because OMG, you’re an adult now (I couldn’t resist. Sorry.) But I do think you should sit down and talk to your parents as just the three of you. Any others involved would only add bias one way or another, and that might not help.
Good luck.” Kiltemdead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they deliberately built up expectations and then deliberately put no effort in. That’s quite cruel in my opinion. Because if they actually cared, they would have actually bought you something off the list they asked for, or they would have been really sorry and apologetic for failing to do so.
Are they usually really dismissive of your feelings? Or deliberately playing messed up games to get you to react? Is there a pattern of them treating your brother better? If so, well, there’s not a lot you can do but attempt to have a conversation about it, or to let it go.
Long-term treatment like this is why a lot of people end up going no-contact with their families, who wants to be around people who play mind games for fun?” Vandr27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so tired of the belief that people should be happy because they got something for X (birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc).
Garbage is never an acceptable gift. All that’s done is the gift giver now feels good about themselves (so don’t you spoil that) and you’ve got stuff that you now have to get rid of (but in a way that doesn’t make them feel bad).
It turns from being about the recipient to being about the giver, including doing emotional labor on their behalf so the giver doesn’t feel bad. That’s nonsense. Nonsense like this is exactly why my family no longer gives gifts. We’re all adults and will buy what we want.” ApprehensiveBook4214
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Wear My Hockey Jersey To Work?
“Today is game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. This is the championship for the National Hockey League. The North American Professional League.
I love hockey. I have since I was a child. My children do not care about sports at all. Neither playing or watching.
But today is the last game of the season and the team from my city has their first chance in almost twenty years to win. In game seven of a best-of-seven series.
And my daughter wants to wear one of my jerseys to work. I said no. I know she won’t take care of it and she only wants to wear it because everyone else is wearing one.
She works at a bank and all the staff are wearing jerseys or t-shirts to show their support. I told her she could get a t-shirt from Walmart for $15 and to leave my jersey alone.
She thinks I’m being cheap and miserable. I think I don’t want my property damaged.”
Another User Comments:
“Reluctant NTJ. It’s your jersey, do what you want with it, I suppose. However, I’m not quite sure how she would damage your jersey working at a bank? I would understand if she worked with kids or worked with food, but a bank?
What’s she gonna do? Put staples in it?” i-am-from-space
Another User Comments:
“”She thinks I’m being cheap and miserable.” Call her on it and give her the 15 bucks. I don’t lend prized or valued possessions. It’s like a magnet for them damaged or never returned. On one occasion, long ago, I went to see The Who on their first farewell tour and got a t-shirt.
My friend, who bought the same one, needed a clean shirt to wear the next day and my shirt was clean (long story for all that). When he returned it two days later, the entire front of the shirt was blank and the decor apparently washed away.
When I inquired he said that happened to both shirts and must have been a defect. Which was plausible since they were unofficial, sold outside the venue, and more at risk of being cheaply made with defects. Several weeks later I saw him wearing his shirt and the front side decor was completely intact.
I should have taken his dirty concert shirt as collateral. In any event, NTJ. You apparently have a history of her not taking care of things. I hope you explained that. If she ignored that, then she is the jerk.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She is being performative. And that is fine, to a point. My guess, is it’s one of those things where she normally has to dress more formal, but they got a dress-down day for game 7, but ONLY if it’s Oilers stuff. And if that’s the case, she shouldn’t expect you to give up YOUR jersey for it, which I assume you’d like to wear to support your team as well.
As you said, she could get one from Walmart, or probably Amazon. Also, I don’t know your daughter, but I believe you when you say she wouldn’t take care of it. People often are far less considerate of other people’s things than they would be if it was something she purchased herself.” cuervoguy2002
1. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Gatherings With My Half-Siblings?
“I (16m) have three older half-siblings from my mom’s first marriage ages 25, 26, and 28. We lost mom last year. I live with my dad who was their stepdad for like 19 years. They never accepted me or my dad. I always knew it deep down. They kind of kept the peace for Mom when she was alive but that was just not saying so much when she was alive but still not really engaging with me or my dad.
They’d visit Mom and have a very forced civility with the two of us. After she died they made it very clear they did not appreciate my dad organizing things.
They said mom’s true husband was their dad, and they were very smug when it came to light that mom organized stuff herself and that she intended to be buried with her first husband/my half-siblings’ dad.
They thought that meant they could tell us we weren’t welcome at the funeral. It was also the first time in years they took glee in telling me I wasn’t really their brother and I was just the second mistake mom made after losing their dad.
The first mistake being my dad.
It became a huge deal and at the funeral, they actually said they were dividing where the immediate family would sit. Anyone on their side recognized essentially that my dad and I were mistakes Mom made and should not be there.
A lot of Mom’s family sided with my half-siblings, which stung.
My half-siblings severed all ties to me and dad. They have been clear they want nothing to do with us.
My grandparents are the only maternal family who make the effort to include me still and be a part of my life.
Aunts and uncles will speak to me, but some only do it to make excuses for my half-siblings or to mention mom. There’s a lot of family on my maternal side and that comes with birthday parties and stuff. Whenever my half-siblings see me there they make it clear I shouldn’t attend.
A lot of the family stand by them. My grandparents normally try to calm them and one aunt has called them out for treating me badly when mom loved me too and I’m still their b***d.
It’s too much for me and now that some of them are married and having their own kids, it feels like if I keep being where they’re at, I’m going to deal with things getting worse.
So I told my grandparents I won’t attend family gatherings that my half-siblings attend anymore. My grandparents were really upset and told me I need to keep coming because I’m family and they said I can’t punish them for my half-siblings’ behavior. I said it feels like most people don’t want me there and I don’t like having to deal with the things they say about me.
I know my grandparents are mad and I get it. But I feel like I need to put myself first. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never feel guilty about excising toxic people from your life, even if they are related. If you want to see your grandparents, there is nothing wrong with sticking to small gatherings that you or your father organize.
You do not have to go anywhere you feel unwelcome. Be polite when invited to functions that your half-siblings will attend – like “I’m sorry, I have other plans. But I’d like to see you, can we get lunch together next week instead?”” CMelody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. You do whatever you need to for your own mental health and peace of mind. I do hope you still visit your grandparents whenever you want to and not just cut them out. I also hope that your half-siblings experience a lot of bad stuff in their lives for being so vile.
No offense to your mom but it sounds like she didn’t have good boundaries and never set them straight on this nonsense. If she had, I don’t think this drama would have happened. I also find it really cruel of her to have made her own funeral arrangements including being buried next to her first husband.
Did your dad know beforehand? Also, I find it disgusting that the grandparents have said nothing to squash this. Everyone is complicit and they’re literally bullying a 16-year-old kid.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Grandma, Grandpa I love you but being in my siblings’ presence feels like a punishment to me.
I spend a day listening to them hurl insults and abuse at me while I’m very rarely defended. I don’t leave these events feeling like family. I leave feeling unwanted, alone, depressed, and in need of immediate therapy (which I actually recommend for you OP).
I love you but I’m protecting my mental health and choosing myself because it’s clear to me that the majority of the family agrees with my siblings’ bad behavior. I won’t speak negatively about the family, but I want to heal from this, and that means not being involved with them.” OP I am soooooo beyond sorry your b***d is treating you like this.
Please remember therapy exists for a reason and family isn’t just what we were born into. I have collected a lot of amazing people throughout life and I happily claim that I have more sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc than I grew up with. I hope you find acceptance and love.” EJ_1004
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