People Ask Us To Hear Them Out Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Parents After They Announced Another Pregnancy?
“So I (14, F) have been looking after my 2 younger siblings Ray(3, M) and Amy(11, F) practically full time. My mum and dad have their own business, so they’re usually quite busy.
When I first turned 12, I began looking after my siblings so my parents could go focus on business stuff and whatnot when they needed to.
Within this past year though, I have completely reached my limit. They have taken advantage of the fact I can look after my siblings and that I’ll do it if they won’t. It went from a few hours here and there to every day. My parents go away on travels to different countries and leave me alone to deal with 2 other children as a child myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my siblings and all that, but there’s only so much I can take.
I live in England, and I’m in year 10 at school, so I have just wrapped up my mocks. Previously, I had been trying to study for my mocks whilst looking after my siblings full-time since my parents went on a month-and-a-half trip to the USA for business.
They sent financial support, and a family member would come around the house every few days for an hour or so to make sure we were all still alive, but I was still looking after these kids full time whilst trying to study for my mock exams.
I don’t get to go out with my friends anymore or enjoy a nice lie-in because I have to look after the kids. This has slowly burnt me out over the past year or so, and even when my parents are home now they don’t contribute in any way but financially towards me and my siblings.
I attend their school events and Ray has started calling me mummy now.
My mum and dad sat me and Amy down yesterday (the first time she’d spoken to either of us in around 3 weeks) to tell us my mum was pregnant. I immediately blew up at them, calling them selfish and immature because they were not gonna raise the baby, it’s just another kid for me to raise.
This caused my dad to flip out on me and my mum to start crying. They left the house after that and haven’t come home or messaged me since. I don’t know how long they’re gonna be gone and I’m more so worried about the money side of things depending on how long they take because the kids need food.
I feel really bad because I didn’t wanna make my mum cry, but at the same time I feel like it’s selfish of them to have another kid when they clearly can’t raise the kids they already have, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, I hope you’re okay.
I’m not posting a judgment as I think this is beyond an AITJ. Honestly, you have two options at this point: 1. If you have a relative who lives close, contact them. Inform them of what is happening and ask for help. 2. Call the police on 999, and inform them of the situation.
This is deemed a welfare issue in most countries and the police will usually intervene. Please OP, do not suffer in silence when you are concerned about having to feed yourself AND/OR a 3 y/o child.” just_A_lurker-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at ALL.
You are a child. You are not your siblings’ parent. I would recommend calling the police or some sort of family services place. I’m not from the UK so I’m unaware of exactly what that agency would be, as where I’m from it’s called the Department of Children and Families.
This is neglect. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, I hope it all works out for you.” f**********7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, please call someone to help you out I completely get how u feel and I hate to break it to you but I feel that you should call children’s services.
It is not your responsibility to raise kids, I don’t want to sound rude or anything but I feel that they are immature they are neglecting you I’m so sorry u are going through this.” Shysanatwice
20. AITJ For Ignoring My Co-Worker Who Insists On Chatting In The Restroom?
“I (33F) would like to start by explaining that I am a very awkward person.
I especially tend to be very weird about using the restroom in public or at work. I will also go to extreme lengths to make sure that if the restroom has multiple stalls and someone is already using one, I will find a different facility or hold it until I have the place to myself.
In the cases that I’ve noticed someone walking into (or in the same direction as) the restroom, I will walk a different way so that no one knows I am going to the restroom. But when you got to go, you got to go; and if there is a stall in use, I will******* up and use what’s available.
Now I believe a restroom is for business only. I refuse to socialize with anyone when I have my pants pulled down and I think that’s a fair preference, but for a co-worker (fake) named Barbara (38F) it’s the perfect time to chat. She will ask who’s walking in or who’s already in the stall and just start gossiping.
We sit right next to each other in the office, but she only wants to chat while dropping a deuce. I’ve told her politely (and not while on the toilet) that I don’t like making conversation when I’m on the toilet and she just laughs it off and says I’m funny.
Today was a rare day where I just couldn’t control my insides from coming out (minor food poisoning) and so I had to make multiple trips to the toilet. Barbara noticed this and decided to start following me into the restroom to chat about her dinner date last Friday, all while occasionally commenting on whatever noises came from me.
I am feeling too sick to care if someone is in the restroom with me today; but I feel like I have to draw a line at spectators, which is something that I believe Barbara is bordering on. So “OUR” last trip to the restroom I just ignored her.
I did my business, washed my hands, and walked out while she was mid-conversation. I went back to my desk and just started working. She eventually made her way back into the office and asked me why I left when “we” were still talking and I just continued to work.
After some time passed we had no choice but to talk about work, so I turned to her to ask her a question and she was pretty passive-aggressive. As she left for the day, she told everyone that it was time for her to go home to people who loved her, and then said “Some of you’ll need some love in your life.”
A different co-worker told me she was upset that I was giving her the cold shoulder for no reason. Another co-worker says that it was a bit of an overreaction on my end and that I should’ve told Barbara that it wasn’t a good time to talk.
My friend thinks it was deserved but she’s a known jerk. I’m starting to think that I am AITJ for going the route I went, but I seriously didn’t know how else to go about the situation. When communication among adults fails, how else do you solve a problem?
So, AITJ for ignoring my co-worker?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Darn, Barbara needs to learn to read the room. You’ve already expressed your desire to not chat while going to the bathroom…. and why would that change when you’re under the weather with food poisoning?
She just wants a captive audience to listen to her prattle on. Sheesh.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“You could just start asking her inappropriate personal questions while being bothered in the bathroom, stuff about her bodily functions, her husband’s bodily functions, describe what your waste looks like and how it smells, tell her it smells good or bad like this or that.
Putting her in an uncomfortable position in the bathroom should shut her up.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here. It’s completely reasonable to want privacy and peace in the restroom. Barbara’s behavior is intrusive and disrespectful of your boundaries. You’ve communicated your discomfort politely, and she’s chosen to ignore it.
Ignoring her in the restroom was a way to assert your need for privacy when direct communication failed. It’s understandable to feel conflicted, but your boundaries are important, especially regarding personal space. Barbara’s passive-aggressive reaction only shows her disregard for your feelings. You have every right to prioritize your comfort and well-being in such situations.
Keep standing up for yourself.” User
19. AITJ For Not Leaving A Tip After Receiving Poor Service At A Restaurant?
“Tonight my friend(22), my husband(21), and I( 20) went to eat at one of my favorite restaurants around town, may I add they are not cheap either. For the three of us, it was $87. We were looking to just get a quick bite to eat. I’ve never had a bad experience here until tonight.
The food was amazing as usual, but our server was just terrible. At first, she was really nice and super friendly.
We arrived at 8 pm and were done eating before 8:30 pm. We didn’t leave until 9:30 pm. We kept trying to get refills and my friend wanted water because she got a martini.
Every other time I’ve come to this restaurant with my husband’s family, the servers have always offered water. The whole hour we sat there we got asked if we were okay twice. Once was when we got to-go boxes and to-go water and the other was when we asked if we could pay so we could leave.
I had finished my drink before we even got our food and was never once offered a refill. There were 3 other tables beside us, so they weren’t busy at all. This restaurant is usually busy during football season anyway. Our server checked on every table around us multiple times, yet walked straight by us.
She stood up front, by the bar a lot talking to other employees or texting on her phone. When trying to get the check to leave and get to-go boxes, I made direct eye contact with her standing at the bar on her phone. She rolled her eyes and walked in the back.
Once we finally got to-go boxes after 30 minutes of being done, we still never got our check. We had to sit for another 15 minutes before she came by again, which again… she walked right by us and went to a different table. After getting her to come check us out, I had to ask her 3 times how much the bill was, finally my husband asked me if I was going to pay and I said “I would like to know how much the bill is so that I can”.
Which she finally showed me and you couldn’t see a breakdown of everything. I’ve genuinely never left a tip before. Even for bad service because I work in food service myself and I’m a manager at the restaurant I work at so I know how hard it can be.
I’ve always at least left $10. Am I wrong for being so upset? Her attitude towards us changed rast when she saw me click no tip, and she also saw me click print receipt. IWhichafter I paid she said have a nice day and went to take off from us.
We needed the receipt so my friend could know how much she needed to pay me back… The server didn’t seem very interested in getting me a receipt, which I assume may be because her name was on it. I’ve genuinely never left Natip before and I want to know if I’m wrong about it.
We sat there so long my husband was ready to leave $100 on the table and walk out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I waitressed for years. I would never act towards customers that way – not even the ones that I knew wouldn’t tip and would drive me crazy and leave a mess.
You just cannot be that rude to someone while working. It’s wrong. If I was feeling spiteful, which is fairly likely, I would have made a point of taking the tip I would have given, and split it and handed it to the other people, saying why.
And made sure she heard it. You behaved much better than I would have, so you get bonus points!” KaoJin-Wo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like she took a look at you, saw you were young, and assumed you might not tip (whether due to the belief young people have no money or young people just don’t tip).
Some servers seem to have those ideas in their heads, why I have no idea. She didn’t care then about her service and turned it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. She deserved no tip for her actions. If she’d done her job properly she’d have been surprised and gotten her tip.” yukidaviji
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it may seem like a Karen but the minute she rolled her eyes I would have been asking for the manager. I have always felt the tip was based on the service. The food whether good or bad is always on the person who makes it and not the person who serves it.
If you give bad service then you don’t deserve a tip. It doesn’t sound like she was having an off night but more that this is the kind of server she is. ” Horror_Drawer1107
18. AITJ For Keeping The Money My Ex-Friend Venmoed Me For Her Unpaid Meal?
“I (21F) had been friends with this friend (20F) for many years- probably like 7. Towards the end of high school, she suddenly only became concerned about popularity and getting in with ‘it group’ so naturally we drifted away. Fast forward we both go abroad to University and occasionally see each other over school breaks.
She began one by one having a a falling out with each and every one of her friends from our hometown until eventually I was seemingly her only friend left to hang out with over school breaks. She would often pick fights over nothing which led to a lot of broken relationships.
One day her and I had an argument because she was basically demanding I pick a side in a fight she was in with one of my best friends (AKA the one who picked me up when she basically left me for dead in high school for the popular group.) I refused to take sides when in all honesty, I was on my other friend’s side but just didn’t want to cause an argument.
She got fed up and decided she wanted a break from me for the entire summer.
End of summer rolls around and she reaches out and wants to meet up for dinner to “catch up”. I say yes thinking that we are just gonna move on from whatever happened before between us and start new- NOPE.
She came in with receipts and accusations as to why I was still a completely bad friend. We were at Chili’s and she had of course ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, the surf and turf. By the time our food came out, we were in a full on yelling argument and everyone around us was beginning to stare.
She throws her hands up in the air and says “I am so done with you” and storms out of the restaurant without paying for her food! The waitress (who we, funny enough, went to high school with and was in the popular group) saw what happened and thankfully took the charge of her food off my bill and I left having only paid for mine.
That night I get a very passive aggressive Venmo from my now Ex- friend for her dinner titled “Pain and suffering”. Because of everything I have gone through with her I thought I deserved to just keep it because at this point she has already put me through so much.
Not only that but it would be beyond awkward to then send the Venmo back given that she walked out on me at Chili’s! So, AITJ for pocketing the money after the waitress comped my friend’s meal after she dined and dashed?”
Another User Comments:
“She paid her own exit fee, good for her. You don’t need friends like this, treat yourself with that money and delete her number. I’m in my 30’s now, but used to have friends like this in my teens and 20’s. Talked about hating drama, but were almost always the cause of it.
I call them dementors, they suck your soul a little each time you’re around them. Enjoy your freedom, and don’t let her back in.” wibblewobblej
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You should send it back and tell her she owes the restaurant not you.
If you keep it, the restaurant is still being duped and she will never even know that she messed up and dashed them. I don’t understand why you think you deserve the money for food a restaurant made… I understand that you want an apology but ask for that or, better, cut all contact.
I don’t see how keeping the money she owes the restaurant would make it all right.” Evening_Mulberry_566
17. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Quiet Down Her Loud Coughing In The Shower?
“This summer one of my roommates is subleasing her apartment to a 40 yr old Korean woman. For context, we live in a student apartment not far from my college campus so a grown woman choosing to live in a low-quality college student apartment is a little odd, to say the least.
She seems pretty normal and we get along ok although her English isn’t great so we haven’t had more of a conversation beyond a smile and a greeting. Ever since she moved in, there’s been this terrible hacking/ coughing sound coming from her room whenever she takes a shower.
It’s the sound of someone hocking up a loogie over and over and it lasts for at least 10 minutes and happens every morning and night usually at pretty odd or late hours.
At first, I thought it was someone making that noise in the living room, but her hacking is so bad that I can hear it through her door, all the way down the hall, and through my door pretty clearly.
I was willing to overlook it and not say anything since it’s pretty weird to ask someone to be quieter when they’re hocking up a loogie but just the frequency it happens and just that fact that she has no regard / or awareness of her surroundings is kind of making the whole situation unbearable.
She’s taken over the whole fridge and freezer (I wish I were exaggerating) but she keeps all her food in grocery bags to distinguish them and has overtaken the whole fridge space so that I don’t have any room for my stuff. Seriously, I only have a dozen eggs in the fridge and even then I was barely able to pack it in with the rest of her stuff.
She’s also never taken out the trash, bought paper towels, etc.
I feel bad because I’m not sure if it’s a health-related issue or if she’s unwell. After all, no normal person should be producing that much phlegm unless she’s just forcing it up in the shower, but she seems perfectly fine to me whenever I see her (not sick) and she doesn’t seem to be coughing any other time just when she makes that awful sound.
I wrote a note while she was hacking up a lung in the shower one night like “So sorry to bother you, just wanted to let you know you’re being a little loud in the shower. If you don’t mind, I would appreciate if you kept the noise level down later at night.” and slipped it under her door.
Is this a reasonable request to make or am I kinda being a passive-aggressive jerk for writing her a note?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but Everyone is a jerk here “just the fact that she has no regard / or awareness of her surroundings is kind of making the whole situation unbearable.” She is in her home, in the bathroom.
She is aware of her surroundings. Should she do this in the hall? The fridge thing is a whole other issue that gets her a jerk judgment. You did not ask about that, but she needs to share.” 4games1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But – I think I know what’s happening with her in the shower.
My mom used to do in-home babysitting for a family. The husband would do exactly this same thing every morning – great horking lung purges for several minutes, followed by the slippery oyster hawk ptui into whichever sink was closest. My mom finally asked the wife what the actual fuss that was all about, and it was taught to them as kids they needed to “expel the bad ghosts (whatever)” that accumulate in one’s throat and lungs overnight.
Some cultural thing. It made my mom gag and wretch every time until he figured out to do this in their bathroom and not in the kitchen while she was giving the kids their breakfast. Auckhgh!” the oracle
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here overall If it’s at odd hours and affecting your sleep, maybe you could try to compromise and arrange for her to shower like in the middle of the day?
That would drive me crazy. Of course, this might be tough because she doesn’t speak good English. I wouldn’t ask her to quiet down though because it’s probably a health condition or something, she probably can’t control that. For the fridge thing, yeah you’re fine about that, definitely try to talk to her about it so you/your roommates can have food!
Honestly, though, a lot of this is on her for living with college students. I’m a sophomore college student in low-quality college housing and I would be a bit weirded out with a 40-year-old living with us too! That would be pretty strange.” Famous-Muscle7245
16. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Parents' Anniversary Because My Husband Isn't Invited?
“I was adopted by my aunt and her family 22 years ago. I was the youngest by like 15 years so there was a lot of anger from my “siblings” about taking their parents’ empty nest away. I never asked to be adopted into this family and was like 3 when I went to live with them so it’s not like I had a lot of choices in what they did.
After all my siblings moved out and we moved closer to the grandparents I was moved out of the house for about a year. Was brought back against my request and had to finish up my childhood with them.
I went to college as soon as I could even though I wasn’t ready.
Tried to stay close to my “family” but when I got a job and stopped going to church as much they dropped me.
I married a guy a few years back. They hate him because he isn’t in their religion and doesn’t care if he hurts their feelings protecting me.
We have a son. For the last few years, our ADHD child hasn’t done actual birthday parties and we have always tried to include the family that wanted to be included but this year they decided to just send money and tell him to have fun.
Not a single family member showed up for my son. (Thanks to some amazing friends he didn’t notice).
Here comes the WIBTJ my sister who lives in a different country messaged me last night and said hey I know it’s super last minute but can you drive like 3 hours to Mom and Dad’s anniversary together but no your husband can’t come but please bring your child.
In words actually, humans say to not make it look bad.
First I didn’t even know she was in the States and secondly, they remember me at the last minute a lot now that my life doesn’t align with theirs.
I told her no because I work 70 hours a week and have no time to make that drive.
She said maybe we can meet up. I don’t want to. She is going to pick at my living situation (they don’t know we are moving states away in the next 6 months) she’s going to pick at my husband (whom she hates) and she’s going to pick at my kid when he doesn’t act right in front of her.
I’m autistic that’s something I learned too late in life because they just wanted to pray the weird away. And now I feel like I’m pushing her away because I’m setting boundaries up and maybe it’s too much. I just need an outsider’s opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not go. Three good reasons: You are under NO obligation to go places where your spouse is not invited. You are under NO obligation to go see someone you know will pick at, criticize, or insult you. And your work schedule would make it difficult in any case.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“I find it best to pleasantly say, “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it, but thanks for asking!” No reason was given. There is nothing for them to argue. If they persist in asking, just keep repeating that you are not able to make it until they get tired of asking.
The trick is to remain pleasant. It gives them nothing to fight against. NTJ” Pretend_Green9127
It’s understandable why you would decline your sister’s last-minute request to attend your parents’ anniversary without your husband. You’ve set boundaries to protect your well-being, and that’s crucial. Your family’s failure to acknowledge your son’s birthday or respect your life choices shows a lack of consideration.
You’re not the jerk for prioritizing your own and your family’s mental health. Keep setting those boundaries.” User
15. AITJ For Ordering Takeout Without Including My Sister And Her Partner?
“I, 17M was doing the order for the family Friday night takeout. When I asked one of my sisters, Kate 25F, she told me not to order until her partner got home from work.
I then had the idea to text him and then schedule a delivery for the time she said he told her he’d be home so then we’re not waiting extra time to have dinner since we were already delaying dinner to accommodate for her partner who arrives home the latest out of everyone and then even later than that.
When I texted him, I got no reply and when I came downstairs from my room at the time we agreed upon, he was sat watching the television. I asked him what he wanted from the chip shop and he said he already replied via my sister which I thought was a bit stupid since I was the one who texted him so why was he going through the effort to read my text, leave our messages and give an answer to my sister?
I then proceeded to tell my other sister’s partner (in the same room) that we were ordering food and asked what he’d like to order. He said he didn’t like anything. Because Kaye and her partner were in the room as well, I thought my announcing I was ordering food and asking people their orders would prompt them to say what they wanted but they hadn’t and because I was pretty annoyed that Kyle (Kate’s partner) was being weird and couldn’t respond to me directly, I couldn’t be asked to waste my time repeating the same question to them when we agreed we’d schedule it to come when he got home (something we now that ended up not doing) because he couldn’t directly respond to a simple text message.
I then placed the order through for myself and my mother, when she asked what I ordered for Kate and Kyle, I said nothing because they had made no effort to communicate with me. Kate called me a ‘fat jerk’ for not waiting and said she thought she told me to wait until Kyle was home even though we agreed we’d ask what he wanted and schedule it to arrive at the same time as him.
I tried to add to the order so they’d still get food after but the app doesn’t let you do it even if you’ve just placed one so I offered to order again for them and they refused, my sister, called me greedy, and impatient even though she, nor her partner bothered to communicate with me at all even though I’d agreed with Kate on how we’d sort the food and texted Kyle as per the agreement.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, no, you ordered dinner for yourself and your mother, who bothered to tell you what she wanted! And you ordered dinner at a time that was convenient to you! How dreadful of you, how inconsiderate! (s) Everyone else can pick up their phone and order whatever they want, (if and when they can be bothered to make a decision and communicate it).
You don’t have to be involved and you don’t have to care. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not their assistant who lives to cater to their convenience. From now on, at best, you should text that you’re ordering at x time, and whoever lets you know what they want by then will be included. No exceptions.
It’s not a shock that Friday evening rolls around once a week so these people should be able to get their acts together and communicate what they want. If anyone whines about not getting to be accommodated as the special snowflake, or fails to pay what they owe, kick them out of the group text.
Or just announce that everyone but mom is on their own from now on so they can do their group if they want.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your family members made this a lot more complicated than it needed to be. I mean, why have to wait for someone, an extra order of whatever is usual would surely have suited the latecomer, who would have been, I’m assuming, grateful for some food to be waiting for them.” hadMcDofordinner
14. AITJ For Wanting To Discuss My Discomfort With My Partner's Parenting Behaviors?
“I (26, F) am in a relationship with a man who has 2 young children. I love his kids, they love me, and he loves the way we all interact and has indicated he thinks I am a good role model and influence for them. We have discussed long-term intentions and the idea that I will eventually be their stepmom.
I am the eldest sibling in a very large family, I have worked with children for over 10 years, and I am studying in the last year of my undergrad in psychology, where I have placed particular emphasis on courses related to child development, learning, specific contexts of child maltreatment, and research methodology (particularly related to those other topics).
I know he loves and accepts his children and we have similar views on the values and goals of raising children; however, there are some specific behaviors I do not feel comfortable witnessing. I’ve never had this role before so I’m not sure if I’d be the jerk for expressing this or placing boundaries around my willingness to remain in environments where these behaviors are being consistently/frequently or strongly displayed.
I know they’re not my kids and I don’t get to make any actual choices for them, but I’m worried that I will say something during one of these moments in front of the kids, due to my discomfort, which I wouldn’t want to do.
He doesn’t get much time with them, and there’s a lot of friction with their mother (based on interaction and tidbits from the children she is not the easiest to deal with and often can get verbally aggressive towards people when they “screw up” etc., which often leaves stress around their visits because of the lead-up and following visit aggression).
I know he’s very stressed, has illness and injury affecting him, and that he does everything he can for his kids; so I’m not sure if expressing discomfort with or some boundaries around the behaviors would be beneficial to or harm the relationship.
. I want to emphasize I don’t think this behaviours are always negative (they can be positive in urgent or emergent situations), nor do I think he’s bad for engaging in them.
I just want to express that I’m not comfortable when they are being used repeatedly for minor or default situations. So, would I be the jerk for expressing my discomfort or some boundaries regarding my partner’s parenting behaviors?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely valid to feel uncomfortable with certain parenting behaviors, especially given your background and experience.
You’re not trying to overstep, but rather protect your boundaries and potentially offer a different perspective. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about this in a supportive way. Explain your concerns, emphasizing that you understand his position and the challenges he faces, but also share your knowledge and how these behaviors can impact children.” flashyyy_7
Another User Comments:
“Approach is everything here. My wife has an education a lot like yours and I’ll give you some of our lessons learned as she tried to help me unlearn my parent’s parenting style. Don’t bring it up in the moment or front of the kids, this wouldn’t be well received even if they were your kids too.
Pick your moment when it’s just the two of you, ideally, there’s a good transition where you’re already discussing parenting or your education. Something like “Hey I have a lot of education about this stuff can I share some with you?” Don’t mention how long it’s been bothering you because that could derail the whole conversation Don’t pile it all on at once.
Pick one or two things and if the conversation doesn’t turn into a fight ask how he would like this stuff brought up later” Conscious_Hotel_5538
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely should discuss this with your partner calmly and rationally. The interaction will be a really good indicator of your future compatibility.
Are you able to communicate healthily and constructively? Can you make joint parenting decisions or are your ideas immediately shut down? It sounds like he’s parenting the way he was parented and maybe hasn’t considered other ways of doing things.” tabbathebutt
13. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Stop Venting To Me?
“About a month ago, my (23F) friend (26F) just finished a stressful exam. I was happy for her, congratulated her, and treated her to a nice dinner at a more expensive restaurant. During that time, she was venting to me a lot about her stress in finding work, breaking up with her partner, and family issues.
I listened and tried to help her cope. We then scheduled to get brunch again on Sunday.
On Saturday, I was on my period which hurt, and was trying to enjoy myself after a week of stressful work, I saw a call from her and then happily answered it.
It was her venting to me again and to be honest, it stressed me out even more. I asked her to stop after 20 minutes because I was stressed out, and was not in the mood to listen to her venting. I thought she would be okay with that, but she was offended and accused me of being a “shallow friend” (the original conversation is in another language the term is in between fake friend & shallow friend).
She defines shallow friends as ones who only go eat meals together and can only share good news. I was really upset by that and said I had listened to her venting for a lot of times and for once I asked her to stop, she said we are shallow friends.
It ended with her calling off Sunday brunch because she said it’s going to be the same (her venting to me) and she’ll only contact me when there is good news. She thinks I’m a jerk and a shallow friend for asking her to stop venting to me.
I don’t think so.
After asking some friends as well, I was surprised some people thought I was too hard on her and should have just let her vent because she was so stressed.
I hoped she would clear her head and apologize, but it didn’t happen.
I sent a text after 4 days saying I’m disappointed and hurt and I feel like she doesn’t value this relationship by not reaching back to me. It’s been a month since then and she texted me she found a job and if we would like to have brunch, didn’t apologize, and with what she said before It was upsetting.
I rejected, politely but quite coldly.
AITJ for not allowing my friend to vent? Also, any advice on if I should continue the relationship and let this go?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I know the feeling where you just can’t listen to someone venting anymore, especially as you’re holding back your pain (physical or emotional).
But when the topics a friend is venting about are the substance of their life at the moment, “stop venting” cuts a lot more deeply than you might imagine.” Beginning-Credit6621
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. And I would not continue this. These kinds of “friends” are emotional vampires.
I have one and now limit contact because all she does is complain and complain, take her bad choices out on me, and never ask how I am. Venting is one thing, using you as her personal complaint department is another. After a while, you get sick of being the city dump, which is exactly what I told my “friend.” Who is also a neighbor, which makes it kind of awful.” CapricornCrude
Another User Comments:
“If venting is the *only* thing she ever does, then yeah, you have a point. If it’s not a common thing and was just those two times, what you said was harsh, and no, she doesn’t owe you an apology.
You aren’t obligated to listen to her vent, but she’s right in saying that she’ll talk to you when she has good news. Which she did when she landed the job. You can’t have it both ways. Either you’re open to a friendship where people can occasionally have a bad day or you aren’t.” Kasparian
12. AITJ For Sharing My Parent's Extreme Actions With A Friend?
“This all started months ago when my mom agreed to take me to a Blink-182 concert.
I then told my friend about it and him and his mom basically invited themselves. Months after that I got into an argument with my mom, in this argument she explained to me how she thought I was evil and needed to be prayed over.
My parents then jumped at me attempting to exercise the demon out of me I guess. I tried to get away because I’m a good student and usually do what I’m asked and listen to my parents, I’m not some kind of horrible monster and I’m even Christian and an adamant follower of Christ. Despite all of that my parents were led to believe I’m even more evil because of me trying to exit.
They had a talk and decided there was evil afoot and our very Christian household was a victim of the devil. This isn’t a surprise because my sister and I dress in alternate styles and they ridicule us and say that it’s not godly enough for them.
They also “disciplined” us when we didn’t make it to church in time when we were younger, usually by hitting us with a belt at the ripe old age of 8.
After I got off of punishment for that argument I went to my friend’s house (the one going to the concert with us) and only told him about how they grounded me and tried to pray over me.
His mom caught onto this and she put in a good word for me to my mom. This caused her to suspect I told them everything, and she questioned me about it. I didn’t lie and told her what I did say, yet she thought I said more and sent this gigantic message to my friend’s mom about the events that unfolded, trying to make herself look better.
This was unnecessary and made her seem insane. His mom is now short with my mom and the concert is only weeks away. My mother believes it’s all my fault and says she doesn’t want to go to the concert with them because “I made her seem insane.” The concert is a ways out so we would have to carpool with them and stay in the same hotel.
His mom is really nonjudgmental so I believe it would be just fine if she went and not humiliating at all, but she disagrees. So now I don’t get to go see my favorite band of all time in concert and I’m really bummed. My mom blamed it all on me so I decided to ask random strangers on the Internet, AITJ?
Sorry for bad grammar I’m not good at this stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents’ actions were extreme and, understandably, you wanted to confide in a friend. You didn’t lie, and your mom is shifting the blame onto you for her own embarrassment. Unfortunately, you’re missing out on the concert, but it’s not your fault.” Fearless_Patricia
11. AITJ For Refusing To Edit My Friend's Video Game Promo For Free?
“I used to be friends with a female in her early 30s, I am a 27-year-old male, but due to some online drama we stopped being friends, also important to the story, I live in Brazil she lives in LA.
Out of nowhere, she messaged me a few months back, apologizing for her behavior. She said she missed me because I was one of her closest friends and always helped her. She admitted she acted childishly and wanted me back in her life. Honestly, I missed her too but had doubts and suspected she needed something from me, but I believe in second chances, so I told her I’d give it another shot.
I also told some of her old viewers, who are my friends, that she messaged me again, and we all agreed she probably wanted something.
For the first couple of weeks, everything was fine. We played some games and caught up on life, and she told me she was now working at a big game dev company whose name means a heavy snowstorm.
Then, she told me she was working on a project to make her own game. Though I work as a video editor, I have a diploma in game design. She wanted me to work on her game with her. I politely declined, explaining I had no time because I work 9 am-7 pm on weekdays and spend weekends at my fiancé’s house.
Also, I just didn’t want to. She kept pressing, saying she had an investor, but I kept declining.
One day, she asked if I could edit a video for her to post on social media about the game, just a 15-second clip. I asked if it was really “editing” or creating something from scratch.
She said it was from scratch. I said if she was willing to pay me, I could do it because making something from scratch takes hours, no matter how short the clip. She said the investor’s money was only for development and she was already paying a programmer and a 3D artist. She argued that if I was her friend, I’d do it for free.
I told her if she was my friend, she’d value my free time and pay me for my work because the last thing I want to do after spending a whole day editing videos is edit more videos. She got angry and stopped replying to me.
The next week, she sent me a $50 credit to the heavy snowstorm launcher store. I asked her what it was for, and she said it was an apology and a gift for a friend. I redeemed the code, and she asked, “So now will you edit my video?” I said no and that if this was the reason for the gift, I wouldn’t have redeemed the code.
She apologized but kept pressing all week, and I kept saying no. One day, we had the following message exchange:
Her: Good morning, did you edit my video?
Me: Good morning! I’m doing alright. How are you?
Her: I’m fine. Did you edit my video?
Me: That’s great! How did you sleep?
Her: Why are you being a jerk?
Me: How am I being a jerk?
She hasn’t responded since, and this was in April. Looking back, I feel conflicted. Could I have helped out? Maybe. But I also feel if I did it once, it would never end.
Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a coincidence that her video game project is happening at the same time she chooses to try and reconcile the friendship. Anyone trying to take advantage of you under the guise of friendship isn’t a good friend, especially after you’ve voiced your concerns and boundaries and they continue to push against them.” Cultural_Card_2603
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s admirable that you gave her a second chance, but she overstepped boundaries by repeatedly asking for free work, especially when you’re already busy and it’s not your field of expertise. Her gift was a manipulative attempt to guilt you into helping, and you were right to refuse.” Winsome_Jessie
10. AITJ For Not Paying A Bill I Was Never Given At A Gig?
“I’m in a punk band. We played a donation drive gig this past Saturday at a restaurant that regularly has musicians perform, but usually jazz/folk solo acts.
Shortly after arriving, I was told we could order food, but to tell the order to the organizer, who then relayed it to the restaurant staff. I assumed this meant that either the Organizer was covering the food (we were told there would be a “beer fund” for the bands as all the door proceeds were to be donated), or that she was setting up a tab.
This is how things usually work when playing at a bar/pub. Sometimes you get a free appetizer or beer, and sometimes you get drink tickets (would not expect this here, but would think they’d have some sort of plan/policy in place).
I and a bandmate ordered tacos (2 for $12), and I also got a beer (unsure of the price but could be anywhere from $4-8).
The gig goes by and I forget all about the tacos and beer. I got a cocktail before our set and paid for it, as I ordered directly from the bartender (a different person than who took the taco/beer order).
When I got home, my bandmate who had also ordered tacos messaged our group chat around 11 pm.
She forgot to pay for them, so ended up calling the restaurant and sending an e-transfer with a big tip “for the trouble”. I immediately felt guilty but also exasperated (at myself and at the whole night, which didn’t go as well as planned but was still fun).
I hadn’t paid either. I said so in the chat, then added “I didn’t know what was going on with that”. Nothing more was said on the topic.
The next night, the bandmate starts messaging about the bill. Her e-transfer didn’t work so she went in to pay in person, saying the staff were very grateful.
She kept going on about it, how “dining and dashing” makes the organizer look bad, it’s stealing, and how the person she spoke to was too shy or not confident enough with her English to ask for payment. I can sympathize with that, but at this point, I start to get a bit annoyed at my bandmate/the situation.
We were never actually given a bill or approached by the staff at any point about paying. I admit, I got defensive. I didn’t want to go out of my way to pay such a tiny bill that the staff didn’t seem interested in being paid for.
(Again, for all we know, the bill was already paid for.)
Yes, I was lazy and stubborn (not wanting to call them, especially after 11 pm), but eventually ended up emailing the restaurant, told them who I was, and what I’d consumed, offered to send an e-transfer, and apologized for the mishap.
It is now 4 days later and I haven’t heard back from the restaurant. Today, another bandmate (who hadn’t said anything before) messaged the group chats out of nowhere: “OP, pay your bill if you haven’t. Makes the band and organizers look bad. Also bad karma”.
So now I’m wondering: would I be the jerk for not paying this bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that you were told to order food through the organizer and not directly from the restaurant staff strongly indicates that the organizer was paying for it or the restaurant was simply not charging for people involved with the event.
If that isn’t the case, you’ve contacted the restaurant and told them what you had and expressed a willingness to pay. They’ll answer you if they expect to be paid. If you want you could also contact the organizer and ask them if food was comped or not.” PM_ME_UR_SEXTOYS
9. AITJ For Deciding Not To Celebrate My Mother's Birthday Due To Our Strained Relationship?
“Title is awful, I know. However, I think I have a decent basis where my ignoring her birthday is valid.
Her birthday hasn’t happened yet, it’s on July 5th. I (17ftm), have already decided that I will not be wishing for or attending my mother(35F)’s birthday.
She’s turning 36. For background context:
I don’t live with my mother. Last year in May, I was hospitalized for a psychiatric emergency. I was in a really bad spot, and my mother was the one to drive me to the hospital to be evaluated. She and I hadn’t had anything close to a good relationship.
A lot of the things she’d done and the ways she treated me are why I was hospitalized. When she was driving me to the hospital, though, she told me: “You are not welcome back in my house, I need to protect my children and I won’t let you put them in danger”
Mind you, I have two younger siblings. At the time, she was having me babysit my younger sister every day from 5 am to 4 pm, full time since I was in a homeschooling program. I had attempted to explain to her about a week or so prior that I was in a messed up state, she did nothing about it until a professional said it was necessary.
So after a week in the hospital and two months in a residential, I moved in with my grandparents. Which she was livid about because she didn’t mean ‘you’re not welcome’ as a permanent solution.
However, there was no way I could continue treatment if I moved back in with her, so I didn’t.
She and I hardly talk anymore, and every time I’ve seen her, it’s been dramatic and needlessly complicated. For my 17th birthday, she sent a text asking what I wanted her to ‘get or do’ for me. When I told her I didn’t have any big plans, she made it very clear she wanted me to hang out with her.
So I tried to arrange with her what we could do together, and she essentially bailed last moment because it was ‘too cold’ to go to a coffee shop(?). So I went over, we played card games, she talked badly about me the entire night, etc. Then, months later, I learned that I was ahead in my education(graduating before 18, the last estimate was at 22), and she told the entire family on her side of a delayed end date for my schooling.
In all honesty, I’m just tired of her. She gets over 300 on child support for me even though she hasn’t spent a dime on me in years, she lies, she puts me down in every way she can, etc.
And I honestly am tired of it and don’t want to deal with it anymore, so I decided I’m not going to reach out for her birthday and know I’m going to get backlash for it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your decision seems reasonable given your strained history and her past behavior. Taking a step back doesn’t make you wrong—it’s about setting boundaries for your mental health. Focus on what’s best for you right now.” neatlyFeeble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s every parent’s job to be the mature one, so I’m so sorry to tell you that, in this case, you’re going to have to step up and be the bigger person.
It’s hard, but you’re probably going to have to let her go. Decide that you’re not going to let her erratic abusive behavior hold you down. Decide that you’re not going to live under her thumb. Decide that she’s a bitter, broken person who’s incapable of being a good mum.
And hardest of all, decide not to be resentful. (Part of this might have to involve sending her a happy birthday text, not because you’re obliged to, but because you’re the bigger person in this scenario and you’ve already let her go.) Does it suck?
Yes. Is it your fault? No. You don’t get to choose your parents… some are just bad. Not the jerk, not your fault.” sharkworks26
8. AITJ For Refusing To Alternate Sleeping On The Pull Out Couch During Family Vacation?
“I (28F) planned a family trip with my parents and my brother (25M). Before I officially booked the Air B&B that we would all be splitting the price on, I sent each of them the listing, showing how many bedrooms, what accommodations, etc. I made sure to double check with my brother as the house is only 2 bedrooms. One room has 2 full size beds, the other a king bed. I asked if he would mind sharing a room with me as 3 bedrooms in this area were harder to find.
He said it was fine because we’d each have our own bed and asked me to book it. Once our parents signed off on it, I booked it.
When we arrive, before we even have our first night’s sleep, my brother declares he thinks he and I should alternate sleeping on the pull out couch in the living room.
I say I’m not going to do that. If he doesn’t want to sleep in the room designated for us, that’s fine. But I’m not sleeping on a pull out on vacation when there’s 2 beds. I asked why he doesn’t want to share a room and why this didn’t come up sooner.
He said we were adults and he was “too old” to share a room. I asked why he didn’t bring this up sooner. He said he figured I’d agree to the pull out situation. I said he shouldn’t have assumed or at least had a conversation with me.
He kept insisting and I said no. If he wants to sleep out there our whole vacation, fine. But I’m not alternating when I paid for a bed.
Him sleeping on the pull out led to several conflicts with our parents as he’d get mad if they came into the living room in the morning while he was still sleeping but as they pointed out, it’s the living room, a public space.
If people wanted to hang out in the living room at night, he’d start bugging us to go into our rooms so he could sleep, as early as 8 PM. We’re on vacation, we’re going to stay up a little later and hang out.
I always offered to let him sleep in the extra bed in the room but he refused unless I promised that I would sleep on the pull out that night. Which I didn’t do.
By the end of the (7 day, 6 night) trip, he was irritated with all of us over this.
My parents and I feel that he’s the one who put himself in the situation and that there was an alternative to him sleeping on the couch but he chose not to. However, my brother is insisting that I should’ve swapped with him.
AITJ for not sleeping on the pull out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother was a jerk. He willingly agreed to the sleeping arrangements as part of the booking process. It was crucial to it being booked. That he withheld his alternative plan of you two switching off on arrival is just plain weird given he had every chance to have this conversation.
He was always welcome to the second bed as agreed. But nonetheless he proceeds to behave like a stroppy toddler about the whole thing and about people utilizing the living room he’s subsequently decided to sleep in. He own goaled himself all the way with this one.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did everything right, and your brother was the one who waited until the trip itself to protest. He made unrealistic assumptions in several ways, and wound up paying for it himself in poor privacy and sleep. If he should be mad at anyone, it should be himself for his terrible communication and planning skills.” thatsunshinegal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But also your brother is acting oddly. Why on earth lie that you’re ok with it, then demand the room to yourself and *then* pick a living room pull out couch as the hill to die on? Sounds like he was making everyone miserable because he didn’t get his way but neither was he gaining anything from his stupid stance.
What was the point of any of this? Has he apologised? Does he seem to feel bad about it? Is he usually this entitled? Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him? Good on you for not giving in.” giveusalol
7. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Dad For Encouraging My Dogs' Jumping Behavior?
“For context, I (26) and my partner (27) have 3 dogs ranging from roughly 1.5 – 4.5 years. The two younger are terrier mixes, and so they have HUGE thigh muscles. (I promise this is relevant) They are always running and jumping because they need to exercise their back legs.
This leads to them jumping for joy all the time. My husband and I have been working on the behaviors and getting them to respect people’s personal space when they visit, and they are definitely learning. They’ve stopped the jumping behaviors when we come home because we’ve been consistent in our behaviors, using knees and sometimes arms to block them when they jump too close to our personal space when we get home/are carrying stuff.
This is what pretty much every person I’ve talked to does for these behaviors, and it is definitely working.
That being said, they get REALLY excited when we have guests because we really don’t get many that often. At most it’s my sister (30s) and her sons (teens) and dad (73) every few weeks.
We’re still working on the behaviors with other guests, and we tell them (the guests) what to do when they come in, and my sister is fine with it. She and her boys do exactly what we ask, partially because they have 2 puppies at home and are very used to the long-term training that jumpy puppies take.
My dad, on the other hand, refuses to listen to me. Every time he comes over, he encourages the behavior for the first few minutes “because it’s cute and harmless.” He cuddles and deals with it for a few minutes, then switches to kneeing once he’s tired of the attention after he’s already encouraged the jumping for several minutes.
I have tried to explain to him several times that that is not how you convey to the dogs that the behavior is unacceptable and that he’s actively confusing them. If they are told for 5 minutes the behavior is totally ok and met with kisses and cuddles, then when you switch to the knee, they don’t understand why their behavior is suddenly not ok; they get told the same behavior is fine or not fine and don’t quite understand WHY it changes.
I’ve also tried to explain that I want them to stop the behavior, and him encouraging it for the first few minutes defeats the purpose of the rest of our training with the jumping. Yesterday, I got a little more heated than usual, I will admit, but after explaining it for the umpteenth time over the course of several months, he shut down, stopped talking back, said something along the lines of “Well then I’m leaving.
Because I don’t know how to say hi to your dogs.” and stormed out of my house.
I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong besides being more forceful than usual with my insistence, and my partner agrees with me. He even said “That’s something the Dog Whisperer would say and he’d eat it up.” In my opinion, this is part of a long series of him refusing to admit when he’s wrong, but I want extra opinions on this because he hasn’t talked to me in over 24 hours at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“Respectfully, you should perhaps consider an alternative to the training. This really should not be taking this long. I see your edit, yes, I understand that your dad not following your instructions is contributing to it, but if your training is so reliant on people outside the home doing what you want them to do to fix the behavior, then it’s not a very practical solution.
That being said your dad should be respecting your wishes so everyone sucks here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your dad shouldn’t be sabotaging your training attempts, but I’ve been on the other end of that, being given a set of steps and rules to follow so that the resident dog behaves, and it’s really annoying.
Like I won’t intentionally hype up a dog or ignore what I’m being asked to do but it’s just a lot, especially when you don’t have dogs of your own and it seems absurd to have to do all this stuff the moment you walk in.
In my situation I absolutely didn’t want keep visiting because I kept getting blamed for their dog’s bad behaviour. Anyway – I think the responsibility ultimately falls on you as the pet owner to deal with it better. Your dogs aren’t puppies anymore, they should be able to handle visitors.
I believe there are ways to deal with this in the meantime that don’t put the responsibility on your guests (I’ve seen segregating the dogs until they calm down when guests arrive.) Your dad should be trying too but right now I feel you’re asking too much.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“I think that you are not the jerk for the most part. I have two puppies myself and they are very enthusiastic. When we are alone with them we allow them to be the excited puppies they are and jump around on us simply to let them get their energy out.
I do, however understand not wanting them to do that to guests so when there are other people around we do encourage the guests to push them off if and only if it bothers them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting puppies be puppies.
As they grow older they calm down so the issue will eventually solve itself.” aspiringm1lf__
6. AITA For Using A Family Restroom Separately From My Toddler?
“Recently I (41F) went to a city museum for the day with my husband and our 2 year old daughter (Maryland, USA). As we headed to the exit we stopped for the restroom and a diaper change.
The exit level has 1 family restroom with a toilet and a diaper change station, a women’s restroom with 6 stalls and no diaper change stations, and a men’s room also with no diaper change stations.
We’ve been on other occasions and I’ve waited in lines for the family restroom before, as well as lines within the women’s restroom.
As I approached, my husband was still a little behind me with our toddler, and there was no one waiting at the family room, so I headed inside alone and did my business, and texted my husband to bring our girl to the door so I could change her after I was finished.
As I was washing my hands, I could hear a female voice outside saying something like “I saw her go in, it’s just a single lady”.
I opened the door, saw my husband, beckoned to him to bring our daughter over, and she ran inside to me.
As she came over, a woman standing right outside the door holding a baby said, “Seriously! We’ve been waiting!”
I replied, “I understand, I’ve waited too, we’ll be done soon.”
She called me a rude name, and I said “we’re all just doing the best for our families, I’m trying to be quick.”
I closed the door and changed my toddler, not making it take any longer than necessary. While we were inside, I could hear the woman continuing to comment on how selfish and ignorant she thought I was being. As we walked out, she again called me a rude name.
I walked straight out without commenting or making eye contact.
I thought I was being efficient by going in first, and I don’t realistically think it took any longer than if my daughter and I had been inside together the whole time. I can see the view that we had “two turns” inside while another family was waiting.
Maybe I should have used the women’s room myself, then waited to separately use the family room just for the diaper change, but that simply seemed like an unnecessary extra step at the time. Since I was carrying the diaper bag, my husband couldn’t have changed her simultaneously unless we had switched in advance and, again, it didn’t occur to me since I knew my daughter and I could both use the family restroom.
I guess I could have waited at the family restroom for them to catch up and not gone in until we were together, I just thought in the moment since I was a bit ahead that I would be faster to just go myself first, instead of waiting for her to enter the room together.
AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play Video Games With My Husband After He Criticized My Play Style?
“I (27F) told my husband (29M) I don’t want to play video games with him anymore after he told me my play style annoys him.
Okay, I realize this is a very niche problem, but I’m upset. My husband and I have been together for going on 9 years. We’ve always played video games together. We both grew up playing and bonded over playing Call of Duty together in college.
(TW: Stillbirth) We’ve had a lot of tragic life things happen in the past year. Our house almost burned down. We lost our youngest baby boy to stillbirth. I had a stroke from untreated (& ignored) postpartum eclampsia. I also survived sepsis from pneumonia.
Life has just been piling on. We have a special needs child that needs a lot of therapies and coordination, we both work full time, and I’m in graduate school. We rarely get time to play anymore. I used up all of my days off on being sick and in the hospital so I didn’t get to take any time off during the holidays.
We had an impromptu week off from snow (rare where we’re from) so we’ve been using the extra time to play Baulder’s Gate 3 together. He already had a solo campaign going and was close to finishing the game. I was only 70 hours into the game but for most of my campaign, we played together.
After he finished his campaign, I asked if he wanted to play with me. He then sighed and told me he was just really annoyed by the way I played my game. He said he didn’t like the way I wanted to explore the map and talk to everyone, he doesn’t like the way I cast spells, etc. He said it really bothered him, and he just wanted to play a new campaign and be near for “advice.”
I told him he was being ridiculous because it was my game and I played it the way I wanted to. I pick the dialogue options I want to. I do what I want to. I got really upset and hurt at what he said because I finally was enjoying myself again after a whole year of feeling down.
I just turned everything off and walked away. He asked where I was going. I told him I was done playing. He realized I was very upset and changed his mind and said we could play. I told him he was a jerk and if I did play, I didn’t want to play with him anymore.
He said I misunderstood what he meant and it didn’t mean he didn’t want to play with me. I told him I didn’t want to play with HIM.
I hit another member of our party up to play separately. He thinks I blew it out of proportion, and I’m the jerk.
He’s also acting extremely butthurt now.
So did I blow this out of proportion by saying I didn’t want to play with him anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“I would have been very upset with the husband too, even without all your traumatic backdrop.
People respond in very sensitive ways or act out when they’re Hungry Angry Lonely Tired or Stressed. (HALTS) Things that have happened to you are probably making you feel at least something out of HALTS, and the same for your husband. Even when I don’t get enough sleep the night before, I’m much more sensitive.
I don’t think anyone is the jerk here. I think you both deserve an easier period in life and I hope you guys have it better soon xx” indiajuliettkilo
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I can understand your husband. Having a certain playstyle that differs too much from mine is one of the most irritating things ever.
There would be, and was, a whole lot of arguments from both sides about that, so, I just don’t play multiplayer anymore with that person. (your husband would also hate the way I play games.) NTJ, because you did the right thing, and stopped playing with him, because of fundamentally incompatible playstyles.
He really should not have been insulting and mean about it. Also… he may have been stressed by the bad year as well, same as you. communication is key, and, if it did annoy him, he really should have communicated that to you far earlier.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m pretty sure he just said something very flippant and stupid at the moment. You two have been through a lot together. I don’t think you’re the jerk and I don’t think he is necessarily either. Maybe you both just have different playstyles which is fine. I think you should talk to him about it, let him express his apology or explain himself better, and then let it go. If you let it continue it’s going to keep bothering you. So you truly just have to say forget it, this is the guy I love and he made a mistake.” StretchFantastic
4. AITJ For Discussing A Student's Difficult Parents On His Private School Application?
“I’m a teacher for a pre-k program. Most of the families in my class plan to send their kids to private elementary schools for kindergarten (it costs about $2500 a month to be in my class, so they are well off). These private schools often require pre-k teachers to fill out a questionnaire about the child as part of the application process.
It asks things about their academics (how well they know their letters/numbers, etc) as well as their behavior (if they can handle conflict, enjoy school, etc). I just answer honestly and whatever happens happens. Parents never know what I say as it’s confidential between me and the school they are applying for.
I got a request to fill out one of these kindergarten forms for a kid in my class, let’s call him “A”. “A” is a great kid and a great student. No personal issues besides what a normal 4-5 year old has. I have no doubt he will be fine in kindergarten and I answered the questions honestly to that effect.
The only real issue is “A’s” parents. They are very opinionated about how the class is run and will go right to my boss (instead of to me) if they don’t like something. 99% of the time their problem is just a personal preference and my boss told me I don’t have to change anything, but it’s still annoying that they don’t come to me first.
Earlier in the year, they accused me of breaking state law and told me they were going to report me and my class because they didn’t like how the TV was set up in the room. They said having a TV was bad for kids (the whole screen time issue).
TVs are required for this age group but there are rules as to what I can do with it (including how long to use it). I told them everything was in compliance and we followed all the rules. They told me I was wrong, that they looked up the guidelines themselves, and they were going to take a picture and report me.
I told them we had a government compliance check a month before and the evaluator said my class passed.
I’m not sure if they reported and got denied, or if they ended up not following through, but nothing else involving the TV was mentioned again.
When I was doing the form for “A” it had an “anything else you think we need to know” section and I mentioned his parents. I wrote about how they are and warned they were not afraid to report something they were unhappy with without talking to the main teacher first. I found out later that “A” was denied entry to the school and his parents demanded to know what I said on the form.
I told them I answered everything honestly.
Some people I told called me the jerk because the form was about “A” and not his parents, and I cost him a spot at a good school because of something he couldn’t control. But being a teacher, I would want someone to warn me about parents like that when I get a new student.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, there should be consequences for the way the parents behaved — like a note to that effect on an application. If I worked at the school being applied to, I would want to know that information. But I do have a nagging feeling that the kid got a raw deal. I can see why you are conflicted. The child is being punished for the sins of the father and mother.
I guess I would weigh factors like whether there were other schools of equal or near equal caliber that he would be able to get into. But then I remember reading an article about how high-powered pre-K and K schools gave some advantages, but that advantage faded before high school.
You were kind of a karmic agent, but you went beyond the specific information asked for.” SleightofHand13
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. No child should ever be punished for their parent’s bad behavior. They seem incredibly controlling and isolating- school might be “A’s” only outlet/escape.
I understand where you’re coming from but private schools often have the power to put parents like that in their place. I feel for A. Now their education /future is jeopardized because you had to punish A for their parent’s bad behavior…” existentialist
3. AITJ For Insisting On Having My Baby Shower Despite My Husband's Concerns?
“I (34F) just gave birth to my and my husband’s (36M) second child. I had a significant and random complication with my pregnancy called placenta previa. In the third trimester, it can cause significant bleeding and potentially be deadly to both mother and baby.
At 32 weeks, I had a bleeding episode that put me in the hospital on bedrest and under observation for about five days. My mother and my brothers’ wives had been planning a baby shower for me for the day after I got home. Before my discharge from the hospital with instructions to be on bed rest, I asked the doctor how she felt about me having a baby shower, and she gave me a solid green light to have it, especially since I was planning to move it to my house.
My husband expressed concern about me having the baby shower. I heard him, but I decided that I wanted to have it. My family had put an effort into making it happen, and I had some old friends coming that I hadn’t seen in years.
I knew I had to give up many fun upcoming plans, but I didn’t have to give up this one. I feel that it is easy for him to want to cancel it as a precaution when he’s not the one planning it or enjoying it or is the one who has to be in the hospital or on bedrest for an indeterminate amount of time.
Even after I decided to have it, my husband continued to press me about it, trying to get me to cancel it. I got to the point where I put my foot down and asked him to stop bringing it up because he couldn’t let it go and he was turning a happy, celebratory, fun thing for me into something miserable and frustrating.
He relented. For the most part. I had the baby shower, where I sat in a recliner the entire time, and that night, I had another bleeding episode that put me in the hospital. I had the baby a few days later after more bleeding.
The several bleeding episodes didn’t seem to be triggered by any strenuous events. The baby is healthy and fine, even though premature, and I am perfectly fine.
Now that things have settled down, my husband cannot seem to let the baby shower thing go.
He continues to bring it up time and time again. I feel that he has been controlling—that he didn’t want to have the baby shower—and even though it wasn’t his decision to make, and the baby shower wasn’t for him, he wanted to have the final say on it, and he can’t let it go that I didn’t give him the final say.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I’m going to say it seems like he was coming from a place of concern rather than control and feels he was proven right because of the second bleeding episode and subsequent early delivery. Now PP is super risky and unpredictable (most deliveries take place before 34 weeks) and the Doctor gave you the go-ahead for the shower so you didn’t do anything wrong but he probably can’t get past that.
Maybe ask him why he keeps bringing it up and suggest he might need to talk to a professional if he can’t let this go. Pregnancy is hard, risky pregnancy is incredibly hard and forced bedrest is mentally draining and gives you way too much time to focus on the scary things so a little party probably brought you some well-needed distraction.” International-Fee255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the one carrying and pushing the baby, you’re the one with the health issue, and you got clearance from the doctor. But is it possible this control thing is just him acting out of fear? He’s been helpless while you bled and your baby was in danger.
The shower did not in any way increase your risk and you weren’t wrong to want to have it! But he maybe saw it as one of the very things he could control to maybe make things safer – irrationally, but that’s how the mind works when we’re in fear or grief.
The way he handled it was not appropriate but you may get further with him if you drill down into his motivation a bit. Many men were never taught how to process the emotions this sort of experience can generate appropriately and turn to anger/control instead.” No_Rope_8115
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you had your doctor’s go-ahead. If he was worried about stress or exertion, I hope you reminded him that his nagging caused far more of both to you than the baby shower did. It’s difficult because he absolutely could have just been worried about your well-being, but there are ways of dealing with that without literally stressing you out more.
Maybe try and talk to him properly about any lasting trauma he might be feeling about the pregnancy complication. Often men are very unsupported in processing these events and there may be a bigger discussion that needs to take place here to make sure he is okay aside from all this.” Kenobi030420
2. AITJ For Being Inactive During My Visit To My Partner's House?
“So, I’m a 23 F seeing a 25 M. I’m currently a foreign student in France, I arrived in August 2020 and we got together in January 2021. We got along pretty fine, despite us being completely different people (he likes to drink, smoke, and hang out with people that I don’t like – I prefer being at home, not a drinking person, I like going to the movies, for example, etc.).
We were a “couple”, which means that we got together during a difficult period. Last year I got accepted into a master’s degree in the other side of the country (south of France), and we had to start a semi-distance relationship. Everything was just fine until June 2023.
In June we broke up because, on the days I visited him, I wasn’t “active” enough, which means, I didn’t do the house chores for example (at this time I was just working on my thesis and I had time for nothing).
We broke up.
He begged for us to come back together. I cracked, I was in love with him (I still am). We got back together. Everything was fine in August and September… until I visited him in his new apartment (that he bought recently – I visited him last week).
I was having a burn-out from university and he told me “Come home, you will rest and feel better here”. He paid for my tickets and I went to visit him for one week. I rested, and it was cool, until… the last day before my trip back to the south of France.
He said I disappointed him, I asked him why, and surprised: same reasons for our breakup in June. “you’re an egoist, you do nothing, you stay in your office (at home) and you work but you have no initiative of doing things…
I need to know that I can count on you if I’m not there, but if I fall sick, the house doesn’t change!
You do nothing! You’re so passive” (that was the best translation I could make). I sincerely thought I was there to rest for a week, plus, it’s a new apartment, and I was still getting used to it to start doing the house chores… anyway, I cried, I cried on the train, I ended up being in the psych ward because I couldn’t stop feeling the despair inside of me and because I couldn’t stop crying.
I thought about abandoning everything and going back to my country, “thanks” to the extreme sadness I felt. PS: I have generalized anxiety disorder and a depression that barely makes me get out of bed. He knows I have these conditions but he never seemed interested in them; But sometimes I feel I’m the guilty one.
I can’t do this anymore I think but I still love him… I’m indeed quite passive and I need to get instructions to do something, since he didn’t ask me to do anything, I thought he didn’t need any help during this week… anyway, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is not a case of you having different personalities. This is a guy who has identified you as a victim and who is trying out the jerk’s handbook on you. He knows about your mental health struggles. It’s not that he doesn’t care enough to help you with them or to work around them, he sees them as marking you as a convenient victim.
He seems uninterested in your mental health because he’s not interested in helping you, but he is very interested in knowing he can manipulate you. This business of telling you to relax but then being mad that you were not acting like a housewife cleaning all the time was his way of setting up a test you would fail because he did not tell you the rules, and then blaming you for failing.
Get some help with your mental health. Cut this man out of your life. Next time you get in a relationship look out for signs of mistreatment and get out if you find them.” Learned_Hand_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants you to be his mother, he invites you over and expects you to tidy up, clean, and do the laundry for him.
What happens if he’s sick…. he isn’t doing that stuff now and invites you over not to rest but to dand o his work of tidying his apartment. Guests don’t come over to tidy up for you. He’s showing you who he is. A lot of people, like way tony, act one way till the other person is very clearly in love then they switch demanding things and using your love as a manipulative tool to force you to do what they want.
Don’t buy that stuff, he’s a jerk, he’s just showing you who he is now. Move on and find someone who will support you in your toughest moments, not call you up and ask you to come, Mom. Tell yourself this, you loved the person he pretended to be to get you to fall in love, but he’s not that guy, he’s the current one who cares more about his laundry being done by you than your feelings or health.
A lot of le find their partner flips the switch on them when they start feeling safe to do so, it’s horrible because people feel stuck like they have to go flips to stay with this person they love when the person was a lie the entire time.” User
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re dealing with a really tough situation, balancing a demanding academic life and a complicated relationship. Your partner’s expectations seem pretty harsh, especially given your anxiety and depression. You went to visit him to rest, not to take on chores, and his reaction was really unfair.
You’re not the jerk for feeling overwhelmed and needing support. It might be time to reassess the relationship to make sure you’re prioritizing your well-being. Your mental health is crucial.” User
1. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over Her Frustration With An Application Form?
“I (21F) have been living away from my mom for a few years now since I moved to the States.
I have not visited or seen my mother in almost 4 years, until now. I will be returning to the States next week and my mom has decided to fly back with me to spend the rest of her vacation period.
Earlier today, she came into my room and asked me to help her fill out the ESTA application since her English is very limited. But I’ve been hit with the bad flu for the past 2 days so I was lying in bed for the most part while she tried to fill out as much of the form by herself as possible.
Occasionally, she would get stumped, hand her phone to me, and ask me what a question meant or what the next step was, to which I would always translate for her and then return the phone. Or I would just verbally answer her questions. However, the application never actually went through even after multiple attempts; it would always kick her back to the home page where she’d have to restart the form over and over again.
She got very frustrated because she wasn’t sure what she went wrong (understandably so) but then she decided to direct that frustration at me. She quite literally started throwing a tantrum. She said that if I was just more “proactive” and stood next to her while she filled out the form then she wouldn’t have potentially pressed the wrong button and that she shouldn’t have to keep handing the phone back and forth between us.
She was also mad because I was in bed looking at my phone and would only sit up to help her whenever she had to ask (or according to her, “beg”) for translations. I was shocked. I never refused to help her at any point.
I thought I tried my best to help. I explained that I was in bed and that I couldn’t possibly stand next to her the entire time because I was sick, and that I was only on my phone because I was waiting for her to finish the form and leave my room so that I could rest.
She continued, angrily saying that she just had to do everything on her own that it was a waste of effort to raise a daughter like me, and that other children would try harder to help their parents if they were in a similar situation.
It was there that I snapped, telling her that it’d be better if she just did not fly back to the States with me and that no parent would make such a big deal and lash out at their kid over something this small.
More insults and criticisms were thrown at me, and it felt like she wasn’t even trying to listen to me or understand how I was feeling at the moment.
I was just so upset that I started tearing up at the fact that she was getting mad at me like this over something so small (IMO) despite 4 years of not seeing me, and told her to leave.
I’m aware that my retorts weren’t the nicest either, but it just really hurt to hear her say those things when I felt like her initial anger at me was unwarranted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she way overreacted to being frustrated with the form. It could be a cultural difference as well, and having been in the US for a while, you aren’t used to it. IDK. I don’t blame you for not wanting to travel with someone being so mean.
She could have been more “proactive” in how she worked with you while you were sick. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom could’ve, I don’t know, waited until you were feeling better to fill out her form. Instead, she tried to fill it out and had problems, and because of that, she decided to place all of that frustration on you.
That isn’t fair to you, and you were right to point that out to her. Sadly, it seems she just doubled down with her childish tantrum.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Help your mum out. The best you can. You’re gonna be hosting her.
Organise that. Be the best host. This is part of the process. Less stress, more love. Be the better adult. “You can’t change people, you can only change yourself”. You’ll be proud of yourself. She’ll be proud of you. 100% the right thing to do.” okurwajapierdole
