People Ask Us To Hear Out Their "Am I The Jerk" Narratives
23. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Friend's Bachelorette Party?
“I (26 F) recently attended my friend Becca’s (28 F) bachelorette party in Paris.
I had been recently diagnosed with an illness/disability that severely impacts my mobility and has led to considerable weight gain, making it difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror.
I had communicated this to the bride beforehand, explaining that I would participate in photos minimally because of how much I’m struggling with self-image and serve as the designated photographer.
Upon arriving in Paris, the planning did not account for my limitations. When I suggested using Uber or taking the metro for transportation and meeting everyone at each destination, I was met with accusations of being ‘boring’ by the bride I decided to******* up and go through the walks, despite enduring two-hour walks and being left behind by the bridal party anyway, It again made me wonder why I was being made to put myself through pain when I would just be left behind and ignored.
I wish I was kidding when I said taking photos of the bride would last around 5 hours, and whenever any of the bridal party would branch off to do anything other than take photos of the bride, like take phone calls or even run off to get food or drinks for the room.
(I think back to when I went to go get some ice to ice my ankle as well) we’d be labeled as ‘boring’.
The situation escalated when I was coerced into solo photos for Instagram, despite my protests due to body dysmorphia. Feeling uncomfortable and disrespected, I reluctantly complied but waved away at the photos not wanting to look at them, and then getting a bunch of sighs and eye rolling from the bride.
We sat down to eat at a restaurant and we were made to go through photos, while eating dinner, and taking more photos I nodded politely I just wanted to sit, enjoy good food, and talk and again I was happy to take the photos.
The bride got extremely mad at me this time saying ‘You know you’re getting on my nerves with how much you’re disinterested in this, no one cares about your fat butt or your issues, you’ve been ruining this whole trip for me just because you won’t do what I’ve asked. Get over yourself this trip is about me!’
I could feel myself starting to cry and I got up and said ‘You know you’re right’ and excused myself to the bathroom, paid my part of the bill, left the restaurant, and started purchasing my Eurostar tickets, took an uber back to the hotel and packed my stuff and left for London.
Realizing I had left, I was bombarded with texts from the bridal party, accusing me of making the bride cry and labeling me as selfish. I’m left wondering if I was wrong to prioritize my well-being and peace of mind by leaving early.
AITJ for leaving the bachelorette party early after being shouted at and humiliated?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can almost guarantee that the bride didn’t cry once, they’re just trying to guilt you into apologizing for leaving, but you did the right thing. Kindness and empathy cost nothing, you told her tour limitation and went along with it to make her happy, but only your total compliance would have done that against your own health and sanity.
OP, don’t answer those calls, block those people, and start your journey toward healing without that all toxicity. I would go so far as to say that she deliberately insisted on walking and photos aware of your concerns. Don’t waste a minute on that woman and her coven.” Vegetable-Cod-2340
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry that you were treated so badly. You don’t deserve this. NTJ, you did the right thing by leaving, if she wants to cry she can cry, it’s her party. But you don’t have to sit there and take the cruel words and endure the physical pain of walking.
I don’t know if it’s part of her personality to be mean to her friends but calling people boring isn’t very kind. Her friends are enabling this behaviour and you don’t have to. She saw you leaving with tears in your eyes and didn’t care, why should you give her empathy she didn’t have for you?
You did the best thing for yourself and for her by leaving before things became more tense. Be kind to yourself.” Ok_Boat_1243
22. AITJ For Not Helping My Husband Put Our Baby Back To Sleep?
“I (F 36) have a baby (10 weeks) with my husband (M 36).
Our son is amazing and a pretty easy baby. My son already sleeps through the night which is a godsend.
However, this does require a strict nighttime routine of bath, bottle, and reading a story. About an hour and a half before he sleeps, but then he sleeps like a grown adult through the night.
The problem is that my MIL has the habit of calling later in the evening when my son is already asleep.
She will video call and insist on seeing the baby and then end up calling him until he is awake. We talked to her about calling earlier, but she says she can’t call earlier because she is eating dinner and then has to decompress. I have also discussed this with my husband that he shouldn’t bring the phone to our son if she calls that late or picks up at all, but he has a hard time saying no to her.
I told him that I wouldn’t resettle our son, just because he couldn’t say no to his mom.
A couple of nights ago I was readying myself for bed after putting down our son when the phone rang. My husband does pick up and is saying no to seeing our son, but my MIL insists and begs so I hear my husband slowly caving.
She can look, but he isn’t going to turn on the lights nor can she wake him up. (Spoilers: he does and she will).
When he is walking to the bedroom I pop my head out and shake no. He shrugs like ‘What can I do?’ and I tell him: ‘If you wake him then you will put him back to sleep’.
Another apologetic shrug. MIL actually says that she will be quiet and it will only take a minute.
By the time my husband did turn on the light (because she couldn’t see) and she had called our son awake (Because she wanted to see his ‘pretty little eyes’) I was already in bed. Hearing the entire thing unfold.
The phone call ends and my son is crying and fussing. My husband takes him back into the living room to calm him down, but after half an hour comes up and asks me to do it, since he is tired and wants to sleep, and he has to work tomorrow.
I told him I warned him many times. He insists that I can do it because I don’t have to work tomorrow. So I tell him: ‘Neither does your mom and since she is the one that woke him she could settle him back down if my husband wasn’t going to do it, but I am NOT going to do it.
He did end up putting our son back to bed. But it took a long while apparently and made him really tired the next day at work. He went to bed early the next day and is now a little distant.
Friends are divided. So now I feel like I’m the jerk.
BEFORE PEOPLE JUMP ON MY HUSBAND: HE IS A GREAT DAD WHO IS THE ONE SETTLING OUR SON DOWN MOST DAYS SINCE I’M TIRED AND STILL RECOVERING. We split duties equally and if our son was fussy and didn’t want to sleep I would’ve had no problem staying up late to take him to bed. Just not when he is awoken.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son doesn’t change his face every single day. She doesn’t need to call daily and needs to adhere to the schedule of a newborn child because it is difficult for new parents. She is selfishly obnoxious and has no excuse for the way she is behaving.
As for the son, he is your husband and you are defensive of him but he needs to have boundaries. These boundaries are not only not unreasonable but perfectly adhering to them is going to save the both of you from a world of sleepless nights.
Since it is his mother being a jerk it is his responsibility to be firm with her. Otherwise, it will cause other problems as well. Your MIL though is a stupid idiot for not using her decompression time now. She can delay that. What is wrong with her?” PeaStreet6542
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL selfishly demands what SHE WANTS which is to deliberately wake your baby up, which goes directly against what THE BABY NEEDS. Your husband knows there’s a very simple way to prevent this, and you’ve tried that. Ask MIL to call earlier (she refuses, because it’s not what she WANTS).
Ask your husband not to answer when she calls so late (he does anyway). Ask your husband to tell her baby is asleep and not take the phone into the baby’s room. (He does anyway). Ask your husband to at least mute the phone and not turn the light on if he insists on taking in the phone so the baby hopefully won’t wake up (He ignores this, and deliberately wakes the baby so she can see his eyes).
And now it’s supposed to be YOUR problem that your baby’s sleep is disrupted and the baby is upset? Nope. This is entirely on your husband, and he should be entirely responsible for dealing with the consequences.” Sha-Nanegins
21. AITJ For Moving Out Of My And My Sister's House?
“My ex-friend (28 M) and I (27 F) have been friends since high school.
In high school, I was really awkward and shy and he was pretty popular. We hung out a lot with my sister and a few other friends and I had a crush on him. He had just broken up with his partner then. I confessed it right before prom and he turned me down.
I was sad but made the best of it and stayed friends with him. In college, I knew he went out with other people and we hung out occasionally. I was studying really hard as I really wanted to go to pharmacy school. In pharmacy school, I was doing clinicals and began going out with a resident who is now my partner.
After I graduated we moved in together with my sister as rent was expensive. This friend also was working in the same city. My sister began inviting this friend over and we hung out together. At this point I felt nothing towards him, time had passed and I was deeply in love with my partner.
He told me one day after some beers he liked me and regretted turning me down.
I told him I was with my partner and I didn’t want a relationship but I wanted to keep our friendship. He got really mad and began mocking me and demanding to know if I thought I was too good for him now.
I was really freaked out and left the apartment and called his roommate to tell him to come get him. He left and came back a week later to apologize. But then my partner told me my friend took him aside and told him I had been fooling around with someone and I was only with my partner because I was a gold digger.
I was so shocked and mad but my partner didn’t believe him.
I told my sister I didn’t want her inviting this friend around anymore and told her why. She thinks I made a big deal out of nothing and still invited him over.
We had a massive argument about it and I’m so hurt she doesn’t seem to care about me. My partner and I signed up for a new place and we going to be moving soon. My sister is mad because she wants to keep the place as it’s near work but can’t afford it without us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. The guy tried to sabotage your happy relationship. Your sister brushing it off as nothing and essentially forcing you to hang out with him by bringing him into your home against your clearly stated wishes is… pretty despicable and more than enough reason for you to move out.
If you’re living with your partner now, then it stands to reason that that was going to happen sooner than later anyway even without the situation that prompted it. She either needs to downsize or find a new roommate.” JennnnnP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – assuming you gave your sister acceptable notice, didn’t break any agreements, or left your sister with obligations you accrued. You are living with your partner and your sister.
That’s not a long-term arrangement, so this was going to happen at some point regardless. All the other stuff may have shortened the arrangement, but that’s not super relevant to the question. So, at a base level, NTJ. On the other stuff – that’s messed up and your sister picked the wrong side.
NTJ on decisions to remove the person who is actively trying to sabotage your life.” Character-Toe-2137
20. AITJ For Not Asking My Son To Contribute To Utilities Expenses?
“I am 57 today and have 3 kids – Karl who is 27, Artur (30) (not in that story), and Laura (33).
Laura got pregnant when she was still a teen, life went so that even though she moved out after going to university and got a decent enough job, she had twins and that relationship sadly did not work out and she was back home after only over a year.
Everything was fine, but one day sadly my husband, the father of my kids passed and it was too much for me to cover everything by myself with my salary, so I asked her to cover some utilities and to take part in cooking, and buying groceries.
My youngest Karl was different, he started to make money when he was 12 fixing his friends’ and acquaintances’ computers, went to the trade school after elementary, moved into the dormitory at 16, bought a house with his wife at 24, etc., he never moved back home until recently.
A few months ago Karl had an ugly divorce and needed a place to stay while he got all the paperwork in order, including selling the house and splitting the balance with her ex after loan repayment. I offered him that he could stay in our house while he gets all in order, as until the house is sold he still pays the loan for it while the ex drags him through courts to get money from him.
We turned a dining room we never used anyway into a bedroom and he shares it with his kid until he has all the divorce things worked out and can find a new place, but moving out right now is financially too much.
To the conflict – Laura asked, why don’t I ask Karl to cover any utilities as he also lives there and it is unfair that she has to pay and Karl doesn’t!
I tried to explain to her, that she lived free with me for over a decade with a little pause and it would be unfair to ask Karl for any money, as it was the first time in his life he needed some help like that!
I have been helping her raise all the kids that don’t include just financial stuff, as raising the kids is not just about money. Karl even buys groceries and cooks when home, so I think it is enough right now.
Laura is now mad at me because she thinks that is still unfair and I am a jerk for not making him pay anything while she has to.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’ve been a loving and supportive mother to both Laura and Karl, and you’ve taken their individual circumstances into account when deciding how to help them. Fairness doesn’t always mean treating everyone exactly the same. Karl has been financially independent for most of his life and is now going through a tough time, while Laura has received more financial support from you over the years.
You’ve been there for both of your children in different ways, and your support isn’t just about money. You’re doing your best to provide for each of them in a way that they need. Remind Laura that you love and support both of them equally and that your decisions are based on what’s best for each of them.” MilaMunchkinz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like you helped your daughter in a similar situation already. It sounds like she needs a reminder about her situation and that you didn’t bug her for money until she had stayed for a significant time. I don’t know that you need to set an exact date for ‘if he’s still here he has to start paying,’ but having a conversation about giving him a grace period to get back on his feet before expecting increased contributions to the household might be a good way to make sure you are all on the same page.
From what you have shared it already sounds like he is making more of a contribution to the household (groceries, etc)than your daughter did when she came back home. For argument’s sake, you wouldn’t be the jerk even if he was being asked to contribute to the household.
It is, however, very nice of you as a person and as a mother to have your kid’s backs like this as strictly speaking you don’t necessarily owe them anything per se.
They are adults and have made their own decisions leading to where they are now.
On a side note, it sounds like your daughter might be being a bit of a jerk. She is not entitled to be helped with her life choices/mistakes. You chose to help both of them, and it is ultimately up to you how long and how much you can afford to help them before asking them to figure out their own adult nonsense or contribute to the house.” dfrh93
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Second Cousins To Be Added To My Late Grandfather's Will?
“My (29 F) grandfather (96 paternal) recently passed away (Feb 1st) and my family is now going through the process of managing his estate, which is being led by my uncle (67 M), the power of attorney. As of right now, there are 10 people listed as beneficiaries in my grandfather’s will.
Me, my three sisters (28, 26, 25), my dad (59), my 2 uncles (another uncle is 65), my 4 first cousins (all in their mid-30s), and 2 of my second cousins, who are great-grandchildren (5 and 4).
Without getting into details, I will add there have been many changes and issues that happened with the will prior to my grandfather’s death, mainly involving my father and uncle who had the power of attorney, which unfortunately divided the family, and my sisters and I could not spend the last 5 years of my grandfather’s life with him.
Before the family drama happened, we spent lots of time with my grandfather on family trips, coming to our after-school activity competitions, etc. The last 5 years have been extremely painful for my sisters and me and his death was heartbreaking for all of us and a reminder of those last years we will never get back.
Now to get into a recent request of my power of attorney uncle. Since the completion of my grandfather’s will, another great-grandchild has been born (15 months old), and one great-grandchild is on the way (due in July). My uncle has requested everyone’s approval for the addition of these two great-grandchildren, stating my grandfather did not have the legal mental capacity to add them on, and this is something he would have wanted if he could have done it.
Adding these great-grandchildren to the will would also decrease everyone’s share by almost $20,000.
My sisters and I have spoken extensively on this request, and we are all leaning towards no for the following reasons: Allowing these great children on the will, especially for a child not even born yet would open up so many unclear what-ifs going forward.
What if I find out I’m pregnant tomorrow, would my child also be entitled to a share?
These last years with the family drama have caused so much pain for my sisters and me. And we want to be able to move on with our lives.
The thing we are sitting with is being put in a position where if we say no we will look like jerks, and that’s not our intention. The amount of money doesn’t make a difference to us, and we understand no matter how much we get is a huge privilege and we are very grateful to receive this kind of money that will be life-changing for us.
We just don’t want to make things more complicated and open up to too many what-ifs.
So, would we be the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When wills are written they are worded to include children or grandchildren who may be born after the will is written if that is the intent of the benefactor.
Your grandfather was of sound mind when he wrote the will, there should be no rewrites after his passing. Your uncle is overstepping, I believe. He should be the executor of the estate at this point. That means his job is to see that your grandfather’s wishes are carried out.
Do not be coerced into giving up any part of your inheritance. Please see a good lawyer who can guide you through this.” uTop-Artichoke5020
Another User Comments:
“Your grandfather including the 5 and 4-year-old it is a pretty safe bet that his wishes were to include living great grandchildren and that is where I would stop.
The kid that is on the way is debatable and seems like someone trying to get their hands on more than they’re entitled to. You could suggest that any money to the 15-year-old comes from the pot for the great-grandchildren so that basically whatever was going to the other two is now divided three ways unless there is a clear indication that everyone is getting a straight 10% or something.
Seems like an ‘everyone sucks here’ situation to me.” j_roe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandfather left those family members he spent time with and knew a share in his estate. A baby and a fetus did not know him. If your PoA uncle wants to leave them money, he can do so from his share after the division of assets.
If he isn’t their parents, the parents of those children can give some of their share to the new kids. I think you make a very valid point that it opens the estate up to never-ending changes and additions. Protect what your grandfather left you.
There HAS to be a cut off point somewhere and where he cut it sounds like a good place. There's no need to include every baby or possible future baby. If the reborn is included, that sets a precedent for future babies.
18. AITJ For Refusing To Fly Home To Attend My Brother's Wedding?
“I (27 M) have two stepbrothers, Justin (30 M) and Evan (27 M). Our parents have been married for 15 years. I was close to them both throughout my teen years, however, Evan and I no longer speak since we were 22.
This is entirely my fault as I slept with his recent ex. I messed up and ruined our relationship, and he will likely never speak to me again. I deserve it and do not blame Evan at all. Justin and my stepmother also didn’t speak to me for a couple of years.
Evan doesn’t want to see me, and so we haven’t been in the same room since we were 22 either. How this works is basically Evan getting invited first to anything that Justin or our parents are planning, and I am invited if he can’t make it.
I know it’s awkward, and that I’ve caused this situation, I am just glad to see them at all, so it isn’t my place to complain.
Justin is getting married on Monday, and Evan is his best man. Justin and I haven’t really talked about the wedding at all, since I’m obviously not invited it would be awkward to do so.
I booked a trip overseas during the time of his wedding, to get away instead of being home and sad not to be there. I didn’t tell Justin or our parents, because there was no need to bring it up. We all know I wasn’t going to be there, and why.
On Friday night Justin tried to call me but I was asleep (middle of the night where I am right now). I got his message this morning asking me to call him, and saying Evan has agreed I could come to the wedding and that he really wants me there.
if I was home the wedding would be 45 minutes away and I’d go in a heartbeat, but I’m in Europe with a friend from college.
I told Justin that unfortunately, I can’t make it because I’m away. Now he’s mad at me for not telling him I was going away, and for all the effort he spent in convincing Evan to let me come.
But I never asked him to do that, and I would have told him not to because I don’t think it’s fair to Evan who has sat a boundary. I’m not trying to cause him more pain.
Justin was mad at me and blocked me.
One of our cousins said he was furious and said like Evan he’s through with me. My dad called me later and told me if it was about funds he’d buy my ticket home, but I explained it’s not just about funds (although a lot of the trip is nonrefundable).
If it was just me I’d consider going home, but I’m traveling with a friend who didn’t sign up to be in Europe for 10 days by himself.
My cousins and my dad think I’m being a jerk not coming to the wedding. But I think it’s unfair when the wedding is in two days.
I know that the situation exists because of my actions, but AITJ for not flying back tomorrow to attend the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You took responsibility for your actions and accepted their reactions and choices. You already made your plans partly to accommodate their choices since you knew you wouldn’t be welcomed at the wedding.
And they gave you an extremely late invitation, which is disrespectful and hurtful.
This late invitation implies that you were never invited in the first place. You already knew that, but honestly, it’s Justin’s wedding, not Evan’s. The groom and bride are the only ones who get a say on who to invite or not and he decided to choose Evan only instead of having you both from the very beginning.
He could have easily invited you if he wanted and felt you were important or as close as any other family member and warned you both to not cause a scene at his wedding. I don’t see why he should do whatever Evan says unless he is also mad at you and doesn’t want you there.
Simply put, he favors one sibling over the other.
You also had your friend who already wants to be with you traveling around Europe, leaving him would be more than rude.
Now, it is also true that it seems to be a good chance to end this fight with Evan, it would be helpful if you knew how exactly it is that you are welcome to go.
Did Justin convince Evan to just ignore you and tolerate your presence since he wants you there? Did they talk about the entire issue and Evan is willing to finally talk to you? I am saying this because you wouldn’t be the jerk for not going, but you might want to consider if it’s worth taking your dad’s offer, apologizing to your friend (I don’t know if potentially losing him?), so you have a chance to clear the waters with your family.
It all depends on you, but if it’s just one brother begging the other last minute to bear with you… I would just take the chance to let Europe make me forget about my family issues for the next 10 days.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“Oh please.
This family has been treating you like crap. I get you did something so stupid. But for your mother to cut you off like this??? Not fair or reasonable AT ALL. They were broken up, in fairness, you shouldn’t have slept with her, but cutting you off like this isn’t fair either.
So, they need to see this from your perspective.
You’re fond of your brother and happy he’s getting married, but everything tells you you’re NOT invited. Of course, this hurts. You’re doing a very nice thing here. This hurts so you go away, but you don’t tell them, because this is about Justin, not you!
Inviting you, his brother, on such short notice, is a definite no for me. If he wanted you there and would try to talk to Evan, he could’ve told you. Them being furious now is them not seeing how horribly wrong they’re treating you.
I’d NOT go back to that hole, and I’d take a long break.
You are the leftovers of this family, invited only when Evan can’t come. Please OP, I hope you have some good people in your life. Everyone needs someone good.
Spend your time with the good people, and try to distance yourself from this ‘family’.” Maximum_Law801
17. AITJ For Causing My Future Sister-In-Law To Drop Out Of My Wedding?
“I (36 F) am marrying a wonderful man in April, so things are coming up fast. I’ve been planning this wedding for over a year now. I have my cousin (40 F), childhood friend (36 F), and my future sister-in-law (36 F) in my wedding party.
All was going well with the planning until we couldn’t get my Future sister-in-law, let’s call her Ally, to respond to any of the planning messages.
We would talk in a group chat, call, or text her individually until we finally decided to plan a day and hope she’s able to join us.
Fast forward to a few days before, still no response from Ally so I had to jump in to help decorate for the shower and cover any extra costs that she failed to help with (so I was paying for myself and another person for everything at this point).
The day of the shower, Ally shows up, but with her 3-year-old she told us she would not be bringing. We love kids and that’s no problem, but if we had known, we would have planned activities for the 3-year-old. Since we didn’t know, nothing was planned and she was bored and ran around breaking glasses, smashing her toys into floral arrangements, and finally tearing down the balloon arch we had put a lot of time into setting up.
I ignored most of it and just had the best time to try and keep things from being awkward. That wasn’t the only problem that day, she then asked when she would be able to leave shortly after the shower started and said she would be unable to attend the bachelorette.
This is ok, at least she made the shower. When it ended and as we were cleaning up, Ally just left without even an offer to help.
What finally made me snap was being called by my future mother-in-law and being told Ally decided she was too busy to get ready with us on the wedding day and had plans to do her own hair and makeup elsewhere.
I. Was. Fuming. I told her I had it taken care of and paid a professional to do hair and makeup at our place. It was around $350 a person and I have given the final headcount so it’s all locked in.
Days later, she asked what was next and I explained it was the rehearsal and the wedding itself.
She then told me no one was telling her anything so I explained how we tried everything we could, and that her absence and lack of interest was hurtful. She then asked about the hair and I explained (and this is where I might be the jerk because this is a white lie) that it was canceled because she said she wasn’t interested and asked her to let me know the next time she changed plans so we can avoid situations like this.
Well, she flipped out and told me no one was telling her anything and that I should have consulted her. I calmly explained that we tried everything we could to reach out to her, that I didn’t have to consult her for anything for my wedding day and never once got mean with her.
I then told her she owed us all an apology for her actions and absence.
She told me to have a nice life, called me immature, and dropped out of the wedding.
I am exhausted. Am I the jerk too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve gone above and beyond to include her in the wedding planning process, but it seems like she hasn’t been considerate of your efforts or the importance of the event.
Ally’s lack of communication and last-minute changes to plans would be stressful for any bride, and it’s not fair for her to expect you to constantly accommodate her when she’s not putting in the effort to be a part of the celebration. It’s your wedding day, and you deserve to have things go smoothly and as planned.
Ally’s indecisiveness and lack of communication put you in a difficult position, and it’s understandable that you would want to avoid any additional stress or confusion on your big day. You did your best to include her and make her feel welcome. You’re not responsible for her reaction, and it’s clear that you’ve been the bigger person throughout this entire situation.
Focus on the excitement and joy of your upcoming wedding, and don’t let this experience dampen your spirits.” LunaLollipopz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you enjoy your wedding and a future without her lazy inconsiderate jerk, that is what you do. She has made it clear that you cannot count on her after she gave you her word to help you.
Then she has the audacity to complain? She is a self-centered person and doesn’t deserve your time or a relationship with you. Enjoy life without including her in the future. If she ever complains just remind her she was the one to blow you off around your wedding and that she set this up herself.
So sorry, too bad, you blew it SIL.” ConfusedAt63
16. AITJ For Asking My Father-In-Law To Pay Me Back?
“I (M 24) lent some funds to my FIL (M 52) some funds a while ago. It was a hefty amount of funds (at least for me), around 10k.
My fiancée was raised very humbly.
She’s from a rural town here in the States. Her father, who currently works as a carpenter, isn’t doing great financially and has been struggling for a while.
Her youngest sister (F 19) got a partial scholarship to a very good college so her dad asked me for the funds in order to cover some expenses not included in the scholarship as well as some other stuff that I personally didn’t inquire much about.
This was around a year ago. We have an excellent relationship, and he’s been very responsible whenever he’s asked for funds before, so I really didn’t hesitate at all.
Come to last week. I’ve been looking into apartments I’d like to buy.
After talking to my agent I determined I’d likely need the 10k to be able to pay and have a small safety net if things go down. I talked about this with my fiancée and she was against the idea of me asking for the funds back.
She told me her dad was struggling and that it was selfish of me to even consider putting her dad in an uncomfortable position to ‘buy an apartment’. I retaliated stating that it’s not like I’m buying a sports vehicle or going on a trip, it’s a great house we’ll both live in.
She got even more frustrated and told me she was going to pay me herself, which put me in a very uncomfortable position because how was I going to ask for funds back from my own fiancée? I asked her if she’d be okay with me asking for half of the funds now and half later, she refused that and every other payment plan I proposed. I told her that we could revisit the topic later on, knowing that the apartment would be sold by then, and she dismissed what I said.
My fiancée and I have been together for a while and this was the first time we argued like this.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, I obviously don’t want to make my FIL’s life harder, I love the guy, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for me to just forget about 10 grand.
I’m 24, 10k is a lot of funds for me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is going to sound a little harsh, but I think your fiance is manipulating you. Her dad asked you for the funds; therefore, you should be able to ask him for it back.
But now your fiance has interjected herself into the situation at your invitation. And her offering to pay you back herself is like taking funds away from your own family once you get married to her. It does not make sense. So, it would not surprise me if you get asked for another ‘loan’ as her younger sister has a few more years of college left and her father has not improved his financial situation.
Be careful you do not become a cash cow. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Let her pay you back if that’s what she wants, and just know that her family obviously expects a ‘loan’ to be considered a gift when you decide to ‘lend’ in the future.
Both her father and her are adults, they agreed it was a loan. To call you selfish for asking it back when you actually need it, the funds YOU worked for, is absolute nonsense and I would have a very frank discussion with your fiancée about this.
You are not a bank or ATM for her family and she seems to expect you to be. NTJ” SoulLessGinger992
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner For Eating Too Much?
“During my (28 M) undergrad years, my parents paid for my grocery bills because they really (rightfully so) believed that good food is important to a student’s health. (I know, my parents are awesome). They never set a monthly limit to how much I could spend, but I was really frugal and never went over the $200 limit I imposed on myself.
Now I’m back in grad school for my master’s, and my parents are covering again. I know, I’m an adult with a few years of work under my belt now, but not having to worry about groceries lets me chip at rent and loans and other bills without losing sleep.
I’m back on my extremely frugal way of eating and meal planning because still not gonna take advantage of my parents’ generosity.
My (27 M) partner, however, basically inhales all my food every time he’s over. Like eating all my snacks and legit every frozen meal, all the meat, one time he even ate the other half of a cheese I had already bit into(?!), etc, so he’s basically wolfing down my dinner and lunch.
It’s forced me to open my own wallet to accommodate him (because not gonna send my parents a suddenly huge grocery bill) and he’s seriously messing up my finances (I plan basically down to the dollar).
We got into arguments and his side is: basically that my parents were gonna cover anyway so I needed to stop spending my own money and not worry so much.
And when I go over to his house I eat his food too (but I don’t eat as much as he does?)
My arguments are: just because my parents are covering doesn’t mean he can eat anything he wants? He legit eats my whole fridge I’m not even joking.
The only thing he leaves are the vegetables. And he could eat less? When we go out he often has leftovers so why eat everything at my place?
I’ve banned him from cooking and using the raw ingredients at my place and I’m only giving him my small stash of snacks when he comes over and after the third time, he’s not talking to me.
Honestly, this is such a stupid fight but if I am the jerk then I’ll apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner is very inconsiderate and it feels like he is more just using you as a food bank so he doesn’t have to spend as much money on his own food and it feels like he will likely extend this to other things the more your relationship progresses.
Also, your partner is being completely inconsiderate of your own parents and by extension feels like he is entitled to do as he pleases through you while actively exploiting you and leaving you hungry.” Maleficent_Night_335
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But he is pretty presumptuous, from this: ‘His side is: basically that my parents are gonna cover anyway so I need to stop spending my own money and not worry so much.’ So he’s fine mooching off your parents, and in turn, off you, because you’re paying to restock after he eats all of your stuff.
I’d be like, is he just using me for the free food? Perhaps with future partners, you might consider not advertising that your parents are subsidizing you to avoid attracting people like your current partner in the future.” TemptingPenguin369
14. AITJ For Refusing To Prepare Food For My Dad And Stepmom?
“I am from a polygamous family and most of the time my dad and stepmom are out of town. Every time they come home they always hide it from us not because they want to surprise us in a good way but because they think we might plan something bad against them if we know or they want to catch us doing something bad which we never even do.
He would tell everyone except my mom or my siblings and me.
We found out they were coming back and my mom went to work so she called me and said please make something for your dad and stepmom quickly and clean his room. I said no and I also went out.
They came home and my dad was angry that no one kept food for them to eat and my stepmom was angry that we didn’t clean his room. My mom said why didn’t you make anything and keep and I was like well I can’t cook for someone I don’t know is coming.
They didn’t want us to know they were coming so why should they expect food to be here waiting for them and he is the one that said no one should enter his room unless he asks us to. So how are we supposed to clean his room if we are not allowed to go in without permission?
I really don’t regret what I did but everyone is saying I shouldn’t have done that, that even though I was upset he is still my dad and I should respect my stepmom too. I just hate that he treats my mom like she is nobody, at this point I don’t even care if he treats me like a stranger I’m used to it but seeing him treating my mom like she is his worst enemy despite everything she does for him makes me so angry.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk. Your dad seems to be on a 24/7 power trip that everyone around him enables. He probably deserves a lot worse. You weren’t put on this earth to make sure your dad’s room is clean and prepare his food in case he decides to grace you with his presence.
He’s been mostly absent and not much of a father so I don’t understand why he thinks he deserves this royal treatment upon his return.” ClassyAF84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The biggest jerk here is your mother for allowing you to be subject to such an unhealthy relationship.
Your ‘father’ is treating your mother as a maid, heck even a slave considering he ain’t paying her. I really do not understand how a mother can allow their daughter to be raised with such an unhealthy relationship for them to witness. If your marriage partner treats you like trash, then you leave and get a divorce.
Simple as, do not drag yourself and kids down for a man who does not care for you.” Key-Tie2214
13. AITJ For Pointing Out That My Mom Spends Too Much On My Sister?
“We are two sisters in our 60s. I am the oldest K. and my sister is M. My whole life, my parents have favored M. more than me concerning cash donations and gifts. I got a good education and job, and my husband was a high earner so it made sense that we did not need as much help compared to my sister.
We are also big savers and invested well over the years, so are now enjoying a comfortable retirement.
M. worked in a lower-paying career and got divorced so things have been tough for her. However, she has always been a bigger spender with shopping, as well as nice cars that my parents helped pay for.
I didn’t say much over the years even if the money given was very unequal even among the grandkids.
My worry now is the spending has accelerated in the last decade. My mom is now completely broke because she dilapidated all her savings to my sister and her kids.
She now lives paycheck to paycheck from her pension and lives very frugally, can’t afford much-needed renovations, etc. On the other side, my sister and her kids live comfortably in nice houses and cars. I looked at my mom’s accounts and the amount spent over the last decade is around $200k.
This is a huge chunk of money for her, my parents were middle-class and lived modestly all their lives.
My mom is old and I am worried there is no money left over if she needs to go into assisted living or a retirement home, and I will be on the hook for that.
I feel my mom should be able to save her pension money compared to her living expenses and should be able to afford it by herself if the time comes. This has led to open conflicts with my mom and sister as I am now very bitter and nitpicking on small amounts, for example birthday cash gifts for my kids are much less than what she gives her other grand-kids, on top of all the random cash amounts year rounds that of course my kids never see.
AITJ that I am driving a conflict in the family over keeping my mouth shut? My mom is always taking the side of M. and is starting to lie and hide the money she spends on my sister. All my attempts at reasonable discussion resulted in conflicts and name-calling, so I sometimes feel like a jerk for breaking apart the family over this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to sit down and have a come to Jesus talk with them. Your sister’s financial hardships should not have fallen onto your mother, and you need to make it absolutely clear that when your mom goes, you will not be the one to support her.
It’s not your responsibility to coddle your sister because she’s irresponsible with her money. You also need to tell your mom that if she doesn’t see how her finances are depleting rapidly you will be forced to leave her care with your sister when the time comes.
Your mom will not change, and neither will your sister, especially if they fail to plan adequately for the future. It’s not on you to clean up their preventable messes.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but there’s no way for anyone to win this one.
Your mom and sister have built up habits that will probably never change, or at least not until it’s too late. It sounds like if your mom were to hit dire financial straits, you’re the only one who would step in to help her. That’s not a fair place to put you but she’s your mom – it’s gonna be hard/impossible for you to walk away from her.
I’m sorry for your situation. I hope it never comes to the point where you resent your mom (either during her lifetime or after) for having to spend your own money on her because she squandered hers on the wrong child, but I’m afraid I’ve seen situations where this exact thing happens.” Reasonable2aPoint
12. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Family Dinner?
“I (23 F) recently invited my partner (24 F) to meet my family for kind of the first time. She’s met my mom, sister, and nephews all separately before, but hasn’t been to any family functions and had never met my sister’s husband. This is important because my sister and her husband are, to put it bluntly, a lot to deal with.
They fight constantly and will just start shouting matches with each other at the drop of a hat, even in front of guests or in public.
My sister is also 15 years older than me, and because of that there’s always been a weird dynamic between us, but I still love her and just try not to be around her husband as I’m not particularly fond of him anyway.
So, needless to say, I prepped my partner days ago about what she might be walking into and set up a safe phase so we could step away if it got too much. I also talked to my sister and my mom about wanting this to go well and not wanting the usual fighting to start up.
Despite my sister’s assurance she would keep things civil, I was prepared for the worst.
And I was proven right. They were already yelling when we got to the house, we barely made it through the doorway before my partner was worried someone was going to get physically hurt.
Things settled for a minute once the food was served, but it didn’t take long for it to start back up and we were barely through dinner when my partner used our code word to slip off to the bathroom. She was incredibly uncomfortable and told me she had thought I was exaggerating the whole thing, but she didn’t think she could stay through this.
I told her not to worry, that I’d say she had a migraine and we needed to leave early.
Well, my sister’s husband called us rude for leaving so early and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I told him what was rude was screaming at each other over dinner and embarrassing the whole family in front of guests.
He told me not to talk to him that way in his house and I promised I would never step foot in his house again, told my nephews and mom I loved them and left.
My sister blew up my phone saying I embarrassed her over this and that I need to apologize, but I’ve mostly been ignoring her texts.
My mom called and told me that while she didn’t condone me being disrespectful like that, I said what all of us were thinking. My nephews are on my side as they hate the fighting too. But I haven’t been able to sleep, I think I might have gone too far.
Maybe it would have been better to just leave and then bring it up to my sister later.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your sister is embarrassed by you and not something SHE did that was so awful it caused you and your partner to leave early then I think she should really do some self-reflection.
And it sucks that your mother decided to admonish you for it too instead of dealing with the real problem. Sounds like your sister has no idea how bad it is with her husband and they should probably get therapy because it would be better for them and everyone.” IcyPop5028
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you actually handled that very maturely. You were going to just dip pit and not make a scene but you BIL made it a scene. Also, they knew you were bringing your partner and did not care at all to try to make her feel comfortable.
They were 100% rude and just deflecting their actions onto you. If/when they do reach out cut all the nonsense and just go straight to you knowing how important this dinner was to me and you couldn’t stop fighting for one day. I tried to leave quietly and you made the scene public.
What did you expect me to do – sit there the next few hours with you guys constantly publicly screaming? And each point they just reiterates the above. Each and every time until it sinks in.
Do not let them move past that and try to deflect more onto you.
They were rude hosts. This was 100% on them. When your family tries to talk to you, see the above again – they know how important this is. They made a scene. Tried to leave and they made the scene again. What was I supposed to do?
Etc. And then ask them if it bothers them at all how they disrespected you by making the scene – ruining the dinner – made an issue when you tried to quietly leave. What were you supposed to do…
I have dealt with a family that tries to scapegoat issues from the volatile party onto the passive victims because it is easier but there is a line that eventually needs to be made.
They owe everyone at that dinner an apology whether those people want one or not.” More-Diet3566
11. AITJ For Ditching My Friend?
“I (19 M) was visiting my friend, ‘Joe’s’ (22 M), new place at a gathering he was having. For context, Joe recently moved away from the downtown part of the city we all live in.
I had driven some friends with me to this outing. Joe does not drive.
Before we started to wind down, Joe asked me if I could drive him downtown so that he could visit his significant other and spend the night at hers. I had room for one more in my car and his SO lives in the same area as us, so I didn’t have a problem with this.
My issue came with the things he did before we left. At around 11, my friends and I were quite tired and ready to leave so we gave him a heads-up that we would be leaving in about 15 minutes. When that time had passed and everyone was getting ready to get in the car, he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
At this point, I’m a little bit frustrated but I’m willing to wait a few minutes. After this ordeal, we all get into the car but he runs back inside and says he’ll be right back.
Ten to fifteen minutes pass and I’m just about fed up.
I give him a call telling him that I’m leaving in 5 minutes, with or without him. He tells me he’ll be outside. He was not outside after 5 minutes so I left. My friends weren’t opposed to this.
This morning, I got a very angry call from Joe telling me off because after I left, he was informed his SO’s dog went into surgery and that he wasn’t there to console her.
I explained to him that I would not tolerate his disrespect in the form of his tardiness, thereby disrespecting my time and energy. He called me impatient and immature and hung up.
The thing is, Joe has had a history of being late/inconsiderate of others’ time.
I set a boundary and I stand by it, but I’m open to the possibility that I might have been too harsh. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Joe’s disregard for your time and your friends’ time was disrespectful and inconsiderate. You had set clear expectations and boundaries, and Joe chose not to respect them.
His reaction to calling you impatient and immature shows a lack of maturity on his part, as he failed to take accountability for his actions. You have every right to prioritize your time and energy, and to enforce the boundaries you have set. Empathy for Joe and his SO’s situation does not mean you have to compromise your own needs or tolerate disrespectful behavior.
He needs to understand that his actions have consequences and that he cannot expect others to accommodate him all the time.” savannahnaughtynebul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You waited about 14 minutes longer than I would have. This falls under being a choosy beggar – he wanted a free ride from you, but he wanted it when he was good and ready to go.
It didn’t matter to him that he was inconveniencing the person doing him a favor, he wasn’t going to move any faster. The dog having surgery is completely irrelevant because it didn’t happen until later. If he had respected your time, he could have been there.
Or he could have taken an Uber or cab. His shortcomings are his own.” MollyOMalley99
10. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Husband For Ruining Our Plans For My Friend's Wedding?
“My (31 F) husband (31 M) told me his close friends that live a few hours away want to come to our city for a 4-day music festival and stay with us.
Great, I love them and he doesn’t get to hang out with them much. We haven’t seen them since Nov. We see them 4-5 times a year. Then he tells me the date is over the May weekend of my friend’s wedding.
Some background. This is not just any friend, she was the Maid of Honor at our wedding. He’s known her for the 7 years since we’ve been together. She was a HUGE help at our wedding and her fiance even helped us with clean up.
I’m at her wedding now, about 3 hours away. I’ll be gone Thurs-Sun.
While he likes my friend, he doesn’t want to miss the time with HIS friends. I suggested he go on Thursday and Friday to the concert and then drive up for the wedding on Saturday and Sunday.
His friends can still stay at our house… He doesn’t want to do that because:
A) he says he wants as much time with his friends as possible since he doesn’t see them much.
B) the concert is expensive and he’d have to buy one ticket that covers all the days.
If I really want him to be there his suggestion was to drive the 3 hours to the wedding on Saturday, stay for the ceremony and reception but not drink at all, and leave immediately after and drive the 3 hours back. I did get mad at that point and said that didn’t work for me because I didn’t want him to go only to be in a rush to leave.
I want to relax and enjoy my friend’s special day with my husband. We can relax and have a couple of drinks without worry. I even have a hotel room and there is a shuttle bus back so I was looking forward to not having to worry about finding a ride.
He doesn’t see the big deal. I said I don’t want him to attend just out of obligation and neither would the bride and groom. They’re paying a lot for guests to be there. I said that even if he left Sunday morning I could get on board with that even though it’s still not ideal to me.
He got mad and said he doesn’t get to see his friends much and he feels isolated (we moved for my work about 6 months ago to a city we don’t know many people). I said we should look for ways to help that, but that shouldn’t change anything about these plans.
I feel isolated too, but I wouldn’t dream of missing his best friend’s wedding if things were reversed.
He did come back an hour later and say he was sorry he hurt my feelings and he recognizes it’s important for me and of course, my best friend, and he wanted to find a way to meet both our needs.
Am I being a jerk with not wanting him to drive home that night?”
Another User Comments:
“You already have said you both will attend the wedding and have RSVPd I assume. It’s unfair to go back on plans that you two have already made now that a better offer has come up for him.
I understand that you want to use this time as a little vacation, have a drink, and enjoy the hotel together.
Your best friend was really there for you for your wedding and you want to do the same. It makes sense, and it seems a bit embarrassing that your husband doesn’t want to do the same.
Your husband did make a compromise to come on Saturday, stay for the whole event, ceremony, and reception, and then drive back home afterward. It’s not what you originally planned, but it’s a decent compromise.
I understand that you are concerned that he won’t be present even though he is still attending the wedding.
He may be anxious for everything to hurry up so he can leave, and I can see how that would be stressful for you. Because he wants to bail on the rehearsal dinner that he already RSVPd to, I am saying NTJ.
To me, when you have set plans and have RSVPd and arrangements have been made, then it’s rude to bail when a better offer comes along.
Hopefully, you guys can compromise for him to attend the wedding and the rehearsal dinner and also the concert.” Ace_boy08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Y’all RSVP’ed. It would be different if something came up like a relative dying, or his friend going to the concert got news he had weeks to live.
I understand he wants to see his friends and you do too. If it were me and I was in your husband’s shoes I’d go to the event I committed to. Make plans to see the friends another time. It seems silly to be driving 6 hours.
To go back and forth between events. I can see him going on Friday and part of Saturday, then going to the wedding on Saturday and staying till Sunday. That’s splitting the time pretty evenly.
I understand he wants to spend time with his friends.
They all need a group chat so they can communicate better and get events going so they can get together. Like a BBQ just because, or going out to an event.” LokiKamiSama
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother Around My Partner?
“I (M 19) and my older brother (M 22) both work at the same factory and about 5 months ago he and I became friends with a woman (F 23) who works at the factory with us.
Soon after we became friends with this woman, she lost her apartment and since me and my brother both live in the same house we told her that she could live with us. I have never had feelings for this woman but she and my brother had decided to go out a few times.
They were never exclusive but they were well on their way to being exclusive, they were just taking things slow.
While he and this woman were going out (but not exclusively) he and I became friends with a woman (F 20). I expressed feelings for this woman and my brother very well knew that.
Soon after we became friends with this woman, he asked her out knowing full well that I liked her. And soon after, they became exclusive. And he completely left behind the woman that we met at the factory. He screwed over the factory woman badly because he told her that he could possibly see a future with her but when he met the other woman he left her behind and never talked to her again.
This is not the first time he has made a move on a woman that he knew I had feelings for. He has done this 2 times in the past and every time he does it, they start going out. I thought that it was just a two-time thing but now with the most recent event happening, I’m starting to think that he does it on purpose.
Just recently we were talking and I mentioned that I had gotten a new girl. He got excited and was very eager to meet her. I informed him that he would not be meeting her nor would I bring him around her. He got confused and asked me why.
I reminded him that he has gone out with 3 women in the past that I had feelings for and that I know that he does it on purpose. He then started crying and telling me that it hurts him that I would say that about him, I simply got up and walked away.
The thing that convinced me that he does it on purpose is the fact that he was very close to being exclusive with the factory woman but he broke her heart and left her for the woman that I developed feelings for.
The reason I will never bring him around my new partner is not that I am insecure that she will leave me for him but I fear that he will make a move on her and that is not only disrespectful but I know it will make her uncomfortable.
He and I have always had a rivalry and he has always tried to prove that he is better than me. And I’m trying to put a stop to it because we are both adults and he needs to start acting like it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have known people like your brother. For some, it was the challenge, and for others, it was an ego boost. Once you know your partner better, tell her about your brother and then bring her around. At least she will be prepared if he tries anything.
You shouldn’t have to keep a person away from your home like that. It’s impossible to steal someone. Both people are making choices when it happens. Remember that.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a jerk who likes to always be the one that women choose.
That’s why he asked them first before you get the chance to and now he’s acting like that to manipulate you just like he did the others. He wants what you have your eyes on. He could be a narcissist. So keep your partner away and warn her that he’s very toxic and he could make a move on her or make her uncomfortable.
Tell her his past behavior because now he will probably dig into your life to find the new girl and he could ruin your relationship by his actions not because she could flirt back but because he will come out and say things that will probably make her uncomfortable around him .” RepulsiveWorker3636
8. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Ruining My Birthday For Me?
“My friend is a 30-year-old female. I considered her a good friend but a couple of incidents have left me questioning the reality of this friendship. She is friends with both my husband and me.
One incident was my husband’s bday. We specifically asked to pack up the party soon because we had major events the next day and asked her to leave when she started getting cozy with my husband’s guy friend.
She continued and stayed at our place till 4/5 in the morning. I had offered to drop her home or to set up the room for her but had requested to stop playing the music as we were planning to sleep. She did not listen and continued and finally left after my husband sent her an angry message.
We ended up being called bullies. She said she was wasted so she is not to be blamed.
Second, my birthday picnic. We had 2 cars and as she would be uncomfortable sitting alone with a different couple I offered to sit in the second car & asked her to join me, she said yes.
This was despite the fact that I wanted to sit in my car, with my husband and a couple of other friends I am close to.
At the last minute, she instead sat in my car with my husband and other friends. I felt abandoned & ended up being passive-aggressive.
She also brought booze without running by us, which was not a part of the plan. My passive aggression continued and to avoid lashing out I physically distanced myself from her. But towards the end, I ended up saying something along the lines of that it’s my birthday and I am being sidelined, not in a good tone.
When we spoke later after a few days of no talking, she called me juvenile, toxic, delusional, etc. Said I had disrespected her, I apologized & explained why I reacted the way I did, which as per her are not valid reasons.
Also, she feels that my husband should have checked in with her and owes her this as a friend.
I explained to her that these situations also seep into our marriage and we have been having issues of our own, thus the distance. She didn’t agree and called us immature and unfair. She kept on calling her POV the objective reality and my POV delusional, juvenile, and toxic.
AITJ here and was I actually being juvenile or I am being gaslighted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is rude and maybe has a drinking problem and maybe likes your husband more than a ‘friend’ should. Definitely reconsider giving her info about your marriage. And reconsider how much time you spend with her.
Maybe a cup of coffee on a weekend morning to catch up and then ‘ok gotta go see you around’ type of thing, no liquor and just a few minutes of chit chat.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but mostly your friend. You really need to grow a spine and stand up to her.
You chose to allow her to party until early in the morning. You could have threatened to have her removed by the cops, removed all sources of music, goods, drink, etc. Same deal on the car ride. You could have stayed with your husband. When you saw what she was doing you could have insisted she ride in the other car.
It does sound like she is trying to wreck your marriage. Please stand up for yourself.” GenxBaby2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds like a bit of a narcissist. It’s a typical tactic of theirs to resort to name-calling and belittling you when you try to call them out on their own bad behavior.
Along with invalidating your own feelings/reactions. She is the toxic one. These things seem relatively small for now but if she’s reacting this way you can’t trust her, I would run far away from this woman before she has an opportunity to do something worse.” Curious_Dragonet
7. AITJ For Wearing The Shirt My Sister Gave Me To A Family Gathering?
“I (F 31) have three younger siblings, the youngest one, Sarah (F 18), being thirteen years younger than me.
I was helping a bit with two younger siblings, but when it came to Sarah, I almost literally raised her. I was spending more time with her than both of my parents combined – changing her diapers, feeding her, bringing her to and from school/kindergarten, playing with her, and so on.
Even after I moved out, Sarah spent more time at my apartment than at our parents’.
On a few occasions, I had to explain to new friends and partners that I was her sister and not her extremely teenage mum. We even call each other ‘mum’ and ‘kiddo’ and while we call it a joke, it’s obvious that we sort of feel this way.
Recently, for my birthday, Sarah gave me as a joke a ‘Best Mum’ T-shirt. I wear it from time to time, not thinking too much about it (in my opinion, clothes are just clothes and, apart from going to work or important events, I don’t care about them too much).
Last weekend we had a small family gathering. Nothing official, my parents, grandparents, siblings, and a few other close family members had a grill/lunch in my parents’ garden. I came there wearing my ‘Best Mum’ T-shirt. I didn’t really want to upset anyone, I didn’t even think about print on the T-shirt (and even if I would, I’d probably wear it anyway as a ‘joke T-shirt’).
My mum noticed the T-shirt and asked if I was pregnant. I explained that no and it was a joke gift from Sarah. There were few laughs from other family members and nobody made a big deal out of it but my mum got really quiet and was in a bad mood for the rest of the gathering.
The next day she messaged me that she was feeling humiliated and that by wearing the T-shirt I belittled her role as a mother and her parenting skills. Essentially, in her opinion me wearing Sarah’s gift was a sign for other family members that she’s a bad mother.
I told her that I didn’t want to upset her but she’s exaggerating a bit. That was the end of it, but she’s still upset with me.
I didn’t want my mother to feel bad. Honest to God, I wasn’t thinking about it too deeply, I just put on the first T-shirt from my closet and it happened to be THIS T-shirt.
But maybe I really was disrespectful? If so, I’ll apologize to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, too bad she’s feeling humiliated but it’s her own fault for not doing the parenting job with her husband as they’re supposed to. So leaving that immense job to you, and now you’re supposed to protect her feelings too?
I’d say sorry you feel that way but have you considered how I felt about all those years being the ‘Best Mum’? And maybe instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should try feeling grateful that you had me there to step up when you both failed to do your parenting?
Instead of remaining quiet when everyone laughed at the T-shirt, she could have said ‘You were the Best Mum and I’m grateful that I have such a fine daughter!’ So kudos to you for being the ‘Best Mum’ and let her think about it.
Don’t apologize. She should if she wasn’t so self-centered.” ColorfulSweetpea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have a feeling that there would not have been a problem if you hadn’t said that it was a present from your youngest sister. It likely made her realize something that made her feel bad.
She might feel as if your youngest sister sees you as a better mom than her own mom, which might actually be true as well… It’s kind of her own fault though. It’s not like you meant to hurt anyone and any hurt feelings she got are her own doing by seeing the results of her own actions.
Are you sure it was only a joke from your sister?” InvSnake
6. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Bus Seat?
“I have to travel an hour and a half to university by college bus. A girl in my bus keeps holding most of the seats, mainly all of the windows, by placing books, bottles, and bags on them.
I can understand if she were to do that for two or three of her friends, but she does so for all the people living in her neighborhood (including two professors). I am never late, I run to my bus the moment my class ends, it’s a long trip and I wish to sit near the window.
I have told her that before.
Today, I saw that there was an empty window seat and sat there. The girl immediately asked me to get up since it was reserved for two other people. There was a bag on the aisle seat not near the window.
I stood my ground and said no.
After a few others arrived, they came to me again as a group and asked me to give up my seat. The professors had arrived by then and started blaming me, too. I fought back, saying they allowed this to happen only because the girl helped them with their seats, too.
The professor started scolding me about how I didn’t know how to speak and that I was not ready to listen, that it was my fault. She said that since this has been a practice for more than 15 years, there is nothing wrong with that.
I did not get up, and now the whole group has been discussing how I was in the wrong. They keep talking about me loudly when I’m just sitting there and I feel like crying.
Am I really in the wrong and should have given up my seat?
I have to travel this way for 2 more years and I’m scared now that everyone hates me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those aren’t reserved seats and she doesn’t have a right to hold them all. You need to start your phone so you can tape this because it’s legal in public places, so when they start saying stuff again, look at all of them and say you don’t appreciate being bullied just because you want to sit by the window.
Make sure you get everybody’s face. Especially the professors. Post it. Cry if you can’t hold it back at that point. I know I would! Put everyone out there. Send it to your friends, tell them to send it to everyone they know. Entitled people bullying you for one seat is awful, and ganging up on you is terrible.
Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, they hate you but so what? Did they pay extra to have an empty seat made available for them? No! They are giving you a hard time because it’s easier and more comfortable for them to shame you into keeping the status quo.
If you really want these people to like you, go on a charm offensive. Bring cupcakes, ask the person sitting next to you about themselves… and remember something they tell you that you can ask them about later. Otherwise, stick in some noise-canceling headphones and ignore them all.” ScaryButterscotch474
5. AITJ For Siding With My Mom And Not My Fiancee?
“My fiancee ‘Janie’ and I are in the middle of planning our August 2024 wedding. We had a longish engagement of two years, so that we could save.
My mom got engaged around Christmas time of this year and set her wedding date for May 2024. Her wedding is the last week in May. Ours is the first week in August, so they are just over two months apart.
Janie was pretty shocked to hear about my mom’s wedding.
She asked me if I thought it was weird and I didn’t understand why I would. She explained that she couldn’t envision a parent getting married that close to their child, because she would expect the focus to be all on the child. She said her parents wouldn’t even consider it.
I think this situation has been a bit hard on Janie as my mom is a professional wedding planner with no budget, and the family seemingly only cares about her wedding. Janie recently had an altercation with my mom, because Janie mentioned she was going for a dress fitting and someone asked if my mom had seen her dress.
My mom said no, and Janie made a joke that she wouldn’t take my mom to any of her appointments as she might start trying on dresses.
My mom asked Janie if she had a problem with her, and Janie just rolled her eyes. My mom’s fiancee and I kept them apart the rest of the night, and when we got to the car I told Janie that wasn’t called for.
She began to get upset, so I reassured her that I understood why she felt this way. Then and I might be a jerk for this, I said while I love her so much, she can’t expect my mom to feel as strongly about our wedding or to prioritize her.
Janie became very quiet and didn’t want to talk about it. Now I feel I may have been insensitive.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. While you are correct, Janie can’t expect your mom to prioritize her; Janie is also correct, it is very weird for your mom to have a wedding three months before yours.
If hers had been planned before yours, I would understand. Her timing is very strange.
Talk to Janie (with an open mind). If your mom and Janie had a good relationship, I think she was probably hoping your mom would be involved in planning your wedding, which she can’t do if she is planning her own.
Because, by three months before your wedding, everything should basically be arranged.” HestiaRoyals
Another User Comments:
“I mean I find it VERY ODD that your mother, the professional wedding planner, would schedule what must be her second wedding two months before her son’s wedding.
She, being a wedding planner, should understand what brides (especially first-time brides) are like and how important these things are. Yeah, the timing is suspect and I think your mom did it on purpose.
I’m going to go with ‘everyone sucks here’ (you’re probably the least sucky but still a little).
Your mom sucks because she decided to plan a second lavish wedding two months before her son’s wedding that had been in the works for two years. Even if it’s not malicious (which I think it was), it’s inconsiderate. Janie sucks because she can’t control her emotions.
You suck because you seem a little oblivious to your mother’s mechanisms in this situation.” wheres_the_revolt
Another User Comments:
“I’m not saying you’re the jerk but your mother is. Yea, your mom shouldn’t prioritize Janie but your wedding should take priority.
The fact that your mother isn’t helping plan your wedding is telling and there is absolutely no reason she needs to have her wedding 2 months before yours. Janie was correct in saying your mother would be trying on dresses while the outing was supposed to be for Janie.
Your mom did this on purpose and you are naive or blind not to see it.
The fact that you are taking your mom’s side on this means you don’t actually see Janie’s perspective on this, maybe because wedding planning doesn’t usually mean as much to men but a bride wants it all about her and you even said that since your mom got engaged no one seems to care about Janie even her groom it seems.” _hangry_forever_
4. AITJ For Uninviting My Mom From My Wedding?
“I am engaged to ‘Tiffany’ and I love her with all of my heart. Unfortunately my mom has never seemed supportive of our relationship and it’s pretty clear to me she doesn’t enjoy Tiffany.
This has been a huge point of contention between my mother and me, and I’ve made it clear that she needs to begin making an effort if she wants to be in our lives.
She continues to try to get away with excluding her so I’ve had to come down hard with boundaries.
Recently my mom was going to a touring production of a Broadway show that Tiffany has been dying to see but was unable to get tickets to.
My mom was going with her sister who woke up with a fever and chills, so she was going to invite her secretary as her friends happened to be out of town. I told my mom that it was ridiculous that Tiffany wasn’t even her fourth choice.
I explained this was deeply hurtful, and asked her to consider her future DIL over her assistant. She ended up letting Tiffany go, but when it was time to go, I saw my mom’s face change.
Tiffany is a huge girly girl and just loves to dress up which unfortunately she doesn’t get many chances to do at the moment.
She went all out for the show in a floor-length sparkly number with her hair done up and beautiful makeup. My mom was wearing flare leggings, a sweater, and Converse, and didn’t even try to hide her disgust. She asked if Tiffany was aware that no one dressed up for the performing arts center.
Tiffany admitted she might have gone a little overboard, but explained she just loves to dress up. My mom complained that she was going to feel embarrassed. I told her to stop and they went on their way.
Well, it has recently come to my attention that my mom texted my aunt including pictures of Tiffany taken without her knowledge, and complained about how embarrassed she was.
She said everyone was looking at them and some people were snickering. My aunt was making jokes back and I became furious.
I demanded my mom explain to me and she said I was being ridiculous. She said she could talk to her sister about whatever she wanted and that we needed to ‘grow up’.
She blamed me for pushing Tiffany on her in the first place and claimed it was super embarrassing and everyone was giving Tiffany weird looks. I lost it and told her she was uninvited from the wedding if that is what she really thinks. She got really quiet and said ok if that was what I really wanted and said I was unwilling to ‘compromise’ or ‘make things work’.
Now the rest of the family is calling me a jerk and saying I will regret not having my mom at my wedding, but Tiffany feels very happy and supported.”
Another User Comments:
“I guess everyone sucks here, though I feel you are being a bit much.
Look, your mom and your fiance don’t get along. That is fine. When it came to people she wanted to go to that show, your fiance wasn’t at the top of her list. That really shouldn’t have bothered you as much as it did, but you kind of forced it upon her.
Did you ever have siblings? If so, did your mom ever make you take them with you to do stuff, and you hated it? That is what you did here. Then your fiance apparently went a bit overboard. I will say a full-length sparkly ball gown does sound a bit much for the theater.
I’ve gone to quite a number of Broadway shows, and that seems like… a lot. I don’t agree with your mom talking behind your fiances back. But you kind of forced all of this to happen, instead of just letting your mom use the tickets she bought for someone she would have enjoyed going with.
And now you are threatening to ban her from your wedding? Seems overkill.” cuervoguy2002
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re forcing a relationship. Your mom had zero obligation to invite Tiffany to the show. Before the show issue, you gave nothing that would show your mom treats Tiffany poorly.
Also, whilst it may not have been nice for your mom to say what she did to her sister – every single one of us needs a support system.
Your mom’s sister is exactly that HER sister that she grew up with and should be free to let her guard down with.
I don’t think your mom is terrible for not inviting Tiffany and also for feeling embarrassed that she was so overdressed that others were pointing at them and snickering. That can be uncomfortable and your mom had feelings that she shared in what should have been a safe space.” RLS2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset at people making fun of photos that were taken without peoples’ consent for the intent of mocking them. However, YTJ for setting up this scenario with your mom and Tiffany. I don’t think you or Tiffany should invite anyone who doesn’t approve of your union, so if you wanted to leave your mom out before this incident, it was your guys’ right.
But I don’t think this premise was the best example of your mom excluding Tiffany. It wasn’t a ‘the whole family was invited to a show and she purposely noted that Tiffany was not allowed to come’ scenario – your mom was going to take 1 person and she doesn’t care for Tiffany so she would’ve never thought to ask until you stepped in.
You thinking Tiffany deserved to go placed her right in the firing line for gossip afterward. I bet if she showed up dressing ‘normally,’ your mom would’ve walked away from that night with similarly negative things to say because she never wanted to be there with Tiffany.
No matter what the event is, it’s generally advised that if you’re not invited to something, you shouldn’t push to attend if you find out it’s happening. Just don’t! I guess now you have further confirmation that your mom isn’t open to a cordial relationship with your fiance.” savannahkellen
3. AITJ For Snapping At A Guy Who Always Jokes About My Shorts?
“So there’s me and this group of people on my college campus. Some of the people in the group are closer to each other than others… naturally. I usually enjoy being in this group. Most of the people are decent.
But there’s been this new guy who for some reason always seemed to try to bring up the length of my shorts every single day, several times a day.
If it matters, I’m 22, and my shorts range from a 9-inch inseam to a 5-inch inseam. A 9-inch inseam ends about 2 inches from the top of my kneecap. A 5-inch inseam ends up 6 inches above my knees. So I guess somewhat on the shorter side if you’re used to knee length or longer shorts.
Though in the grand scheme of things I don’t believe my shorts are that short… at least not compared to like 80s and 70s shorts.
BUT… the first few times this guy brought up the length of my shorts, I just laughed along and tried to not take it too seriously.
After all, why get worked up just because some guy thought your shorts were too short, right?
But then he kept making the same joke EVERY SINGLE DAY. And SEVERAL times in those every single day too. I went from laughing along to just not responding and keeping an emotionless face.
This was starting to annoy me. It wasn’t even about my shorts necessarily. Just the sheer repetition of it.
Then one day, I decided to try to politely tell him to stop doing this. I went up to him 1 on 1, where there really only were people passing us by on the campus, but no huge group surrounding or anything… I was like: ‘Hey, the joke about my shorts being too short was really funny the first couple of times, but you keep making that joke every single day, several times a day… and quite frankly it’s kind of getting old.
Can you like please stop?’
But then his response: ‘Hey, dude, it’s not like it’s hard. Just buy some longer shorts and I’ll stop. Like buy shorts that at least go down to the middle of your knee or longer. No one likes short shorts on guys anymore.’
And then it became a back-and-forth argument, that just kept dragging and dragging. I was trying to be civil, not get angry, trying to be calm… but he kept insisting on how he was gonna keep making the jokes ’till I bought some longer shorts.’
Then I suddenly ended up yelling at him so loud that several people passing by heard us. The people just sort of looked for a second, and then continued walking… but they looked.
And then he said: ‘Well there ya go, causing a scene over nothing, jerk.
All because I’ve been trying to give you advice to improve your fashion and be more trendy.’
And like… what am I supposed to make of this whole thing? I’m just so confused. How am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to think?
Was I right? Was I wrong? Was he right? Was he wrong? I’m just clueless, ugh…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your response gave him what he wanted. He’s trying to be a weird high school bully for some reason. Either ignore him or make it weird for him.
Fake laugh and say ‘Aha same joke every day!’ Ask him why he’s so obsessed with staring at your legs. Tell him if he’s going to give you fashion he’s going to have to start dressing better. Say ‘Hey buddy, my eyes are up here,’ etc. Or just ignore him and talk to the other friends around and be like ‘I don’t know, he’s obsessed with my shorts for some reason.
It’s weird’.” NArcadia11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude is literally a jerk trying to bully a complete stranger into dressing how he wants. I’d just block him everywhere and pretend he doesn’t exist. Don’t even respond when he speaks to you in passing. If he can’t be bothered to respect that he has no right telling you how to dress then you shouldn’t be bothered with responding, acknowledging, or speaking to him in any way.” EchoMountain158
2. AITJ For Using My Husband's Coffee?
“My (28 F) husband (37 M) is a huge coffee geek. He has a separate set of shelves and equipment for it. I have tried over the years to learn more about his process and how to brew but it just doesn’t click for me like it does for him.
I always buy instant/go to Starbucks because it’s all the same to me. He never says the coffee I’ve made is bad, just that something is always off. It’s too bitter/astringent/weak etc. But thanks me anyway for my efforts.
My husband is going through a busy time at work and has been for the past 2 weeks.
He freelances, his latest client turned out to be very difficult and he’s had to make a lot of edits for this project. As a result, he’s more stressed than usual and is working longer hours. So I thought that if I made him a coffee in the way he liked, that would cheer him up about it all.
Long story short, he did not like what I brewed. He didn’t really have anything nice to say about my gesture and then when he learned what beans I used, he was very annoyed and shut me out of his office without any thanks.
He had two containers of beans on the shelf.
I used the container which was small and finished it. I did not realize it was a rare coffee and processed in a unique way. It cost more than triple the other bag which was mainly full and double the size. I thought that using up the beans in the smaller container made more sense so he could buy himself another bag from the long list of beans he wanted. He refuses to ever have more than 2 bags at once so he can appreciate them a lot more (whatever that means).
He’s upset with me because I didn’t ask permission and he could have told me which bag to use if I was going to try and make him a coffee. I’m upset with him for his reaction. No thanks, and shutting me out of his office.
I think the whole permission thing is so gross to me and I shouldn’t have to ask whether I can use something in our home. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I completely understand your intention, but you were doing something to make you feel better. If you know how important coffee is to him and you already know that you can’t brew coffee in a way that he likes.
I can’t imagine how you think being cavalier about what you serve him would be remotely kind or helpful. He was probably really looking forward to those other beans, and you’ve ruined that for him. Because you wanted to somehow fit into this world, you don’t fit into, to show him that you can be supportive, not by actually supporting him, but by trying to insinuate yourself to a particular part of his world that you don’t quite understand.
I’m sorry that he’s stressed. I know that you probably genuinely do care about him. But find ways to support him that are going to be meaningful to him. YTJ.” mxcrnt2
Another User Comments:
“He obviously reacted in a poor way to what was meant to be a kind gesture on your part.
Based on previous times, you were trying to do something to help him out and didn’t know better about the coffee. However, I don’t think the argument of not needing to ask to use something in your house stands. It is clearly very important to him and making it isn’t just a process it’s something he enjoys.
An easy mistake for you to make but also something for him to have been able to use to destress later.
There’s nothing more disappointing than when you’re waiting to savor something like the last bite on your plate and someone thinks it’s scraps.
I don’t think there are any jerks here, just people who are very stressed and need to talk when you’ve both had some space.” CautiousSlice5889
1. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Hope She Wakes Up Late The Next Day?
“My partner ‘Diana’ hurt her leg today when a dog accidentally rammed into her hard enough that she is now limping. Almost any movement of her knee results in, at a minimum, wincing and harsh breathing.
She’s having trouble extending it, it’s swollen, and it looks a little out of place. But she insists that tomorrow she’s going to go to work tomorrow at a job where she has to walk around and stay on her feet for the entire shift (breaks notwithstanding).
I told her that she shouldn’t go and that her job doesn’t value her. She’s absolutely, resolutely, convinced that she should go no matter what and that she refuses to miss a day. It resulted in light arguing where we went in circles of me insisting that she shouldn’t sacrifice her body for this minimum-wage job that treats her poorly as is, and her insisting that she was going to go no matter what, and saying she was totally fine and that nothing was even wrong.
Towards the end of the argument, she said she was going to go to bed, and once again insisted she was going to go to work tomorrow. I responded with ‘I hope you miss your shift tomorrow. I hope you wake up late and miss the whole thing.’ To which she said, ‘You’re a jerk for that.’ We continued arguing a little more after that, but eventually, we said our goodnights and love-you’s and went to bed.
I recognize that what I said might have sounded harsh at the moment because she really values the loyalty she holds towards this job. She’s extremely proud that she’s never missed a day, or called out, and always picks up extra shifts. But I don’t believe she should risk permanently damaging her knee for it!
She’s done something similar in the past with her wrist which never fully recovered, and I’m concerned she’ll overwork her knee this time!
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for what you said, yes, but absolutely not for why you said it.
You’re completely right, but it’s her body, and societal ‘work ethic’ pressure can be insane and have DEEP indoctrination. This is something she’s going to have to learn for herself and if you want to be able to help her then you’re going to need to do it in a more constructive way.” MrsDarkOverlord
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is her decision, not yours. Expressing your concern for her well-being is acceptable. What you did wasn’t that. It was controlling, paternalistic, and disregarded her agency. You owe her an apology. You don’t get to decide this job doesn’t matter, that she’s treated poorly, or that she’s not valued. That’s her decision.
As someone with a condition that causes chronic knee problems they very much can change from day to day. I’ve had days where I could barely walk. Then the next day it’s fine. Or it could be painful for several days. She can see how it’s doing the day of before making a decision.” ApprehensiveBook4214
I suggest getting a mobility scooter. They can be a life saver.