People Have Guts In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Absent Father's Kids' College Tuition?
“I, a 27-year-old male, recently graduated from medical school to become a doctor.
My father, a 59-year-old man who hasn’t been in my life since I was 9 years old, wants me to pay for his kids’—my 2 brothers’—college tuition, whom I haven’t seen in over 10 years. I’m not even financially stable enough to pay rent by myself and he expects me to pay 50k—both included—for his kids’ tuition.
I haven’t seen him for basically 2 decades.
Everyone on my dad’s side has been harassing me and my family. Should I file for a restraining order against them? I’d like to see my brothers be happy but my dad is asking for way too much.
50k is absurd. I cut all contact with my dad and his family.
Two weeks later, I get a letter in the mail from my dad. How did he get my address since I never gave it to him? I really don’t know, but he’s asking to meet up for the money and left his phone number, even though I told him numerous times that I wouldn’t be paying for their tuition.
He says I’m selfish and I’m no son of his if I can’t help out. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a wise man once said: “He may have been your father, but he was never your daddy.” Some random bloke turning up twenty years down the line asking for fifty grand has a lot of nerve invoking “you’re not my son if you don’t.” This whole business with the letter in the mail and arranging a meet-up for the express purpose of handing over money sounds shady.
Restraining order? Bodyguard might be better.” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I have no relationship with you. You can call yourself whatever you like but as the responsibilities were not met by you, the privileges associated with the title are not yours. Let’s just leave it as you failed as a father and have no son as a result and I now happily have no father to fail.
So you are correct, I am not your son. If you continue to contact me it will result in a harassment order and the same goes for anyone who you send on your behalf.” To the rest of his flying monkeys, “None of you showed this much enthusiasm for ensuring Mr. X met his familial and financial duties so I’ll regard your continued interest and actions now as part of a family-wide lack of morals, ethics, and decency.
Your continued support of him and harassment of me has confirmed for me that you are not people I care to have as neighbors let alone claim any biological connection to. I’m glad to finally realize this. I stopped having a father 20 years ago and anyone now claiming to be him and trying to claim the privileges of a long-lapsed fatherhood or acting on his behalf can expect a harassment/restraining order.
Do not contact me again.”” mangonlime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad didn’t support you and didn’t make plans to support his other children for college. You don’t owe him or his other kids anything. If you think it would help, you might send one email to all the harassing family members that says something along the lines of, “Dad hasn’t ever paid for any of my college or med school costs.
As a result, I have $XXXX in student loans. I just finished med school but am now working on my residency. I work ZZZZZZ hours a week and only get paid enough to pay for a frugal living for myself. Just because I have a white coat doesn’t mean I have any money.
Young doctors have extremely high amounts of debt. If Dad wants my half-siblings to attend college, then maybe all of the extended family members who are hassling me can get together and contribute. But I have less than no money and you all need to stop acting like I have money to give you.”” teresajs
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Brother One Of My Inherited Diamonds For His Engagement Ring?
“My parents divorced over 20 years ago, 4 kids: 35M (“Joe”), 31F (me), 29M, 25M. Joe has been in a relationship with his partner for about 2 years, but they’ve known each other for much longer and he’s very serious about her.
A couple of years ago my mom went through all her nice jewelry, most of it from my dad, but a few heirlooms too, and gave it to her kids or sold it. For Joe, she took a ring that my dad gave her when he was born, sold it, and spent the money on him.
I don’t know exactly what she bought for him, or if it is even how he would have chosen to spend the money. As far as I know, my younger brothers didn’t get anything. For me, she said I was the only girl and the only one who would appreciate and use the jewelry, so I got most of it, including two pretty sizable loose diamonds, but no intact rings.
Monetary value-wise I got probably ~4x as much as my brother.
At the time I was in a serious relationship and was planning on using one of the diamonds in an engagement ring, and then making something else with the other one. I’m not in that relationship anymore but I still plan on using one for an engagement ring someday.
Yesterday my brother asked me if there were any family rings “floating around”. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know what jewelry I have, he’s just asking me because I’m the most likely to know besides our parents, who he doesn’t want to ask because “they’ll freak out” (Jokes on him, I freaked out too).
I told him I didn’t know of any. I didn’t lie. I don’t have any rings, and I don’t know of any. But I have diamonds which could be used for one, and those are the most expensive part.
I don’t want to give him a diamond, but I feel terribly guilty about that.
It’s not a money thing, I would never sell them and he can afford a ring, but obviously, who wouldn’t want to not have to pay for one? But it also feels too valuable to just give away. Mostly, I’m just attached to them.
They are sentimental to me (one is from my parent’s engagement ring and the other is from my grandmother who died before I was born and is my only physical link to her) and I have plans for them. But I have two, so it’s not like I would be giving up my chance to have a nice engagement ring, just a second piece of jewelry.
And who knows how long it will even be before I use them so are they just going to waste sitting in my safe? Also, I got way more jewelry given to me, all he got was the money from one ring. I don’t think he would be upset to know that I got more than he did, he’ll inherit other stuff that I won’t, it’ll all even out.
BUT if he knew specifically that I had TWO diamonds and didn’t offer him one I dunno, he might feel differently.
Despite all that, I don’t want to give one to him, but I also feel like I’m being a selfish jerk.
I know legally I’m in the clear, but morally? I’m not so sure. I know he’s definitely not the jerk, all he did was ask, but am I?”
Another User Comments:
“You have 2 diamonds and 3 brothers. There’s probably a reason you got both.
However, if you have other jewelry from your mom that you’re willing to part with, perhaps you can set aside a few pieces you’re happy to gift to any woman who enters the family. A family necklace might not be as traditional as an heirloom ring but it does show your being judicious rather than exclusionary.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother chose for you to have them. Don’t disrespect or question her judgment and what she wants. She wants them with you, a daughter-in-law may split up and leave the family, but you will always be her family. She wanted you to wear them, it’s very disrespectful to go against that and pass something on that was chosen to be passed on to you.
Your brother and his fiancee won’t have the same feeling and attachment to it. He can afford a ring and you don’t have a ring, just the gems. That’s all you need to say if it ever comes up.” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
They were given to you and have meaning to you so you don’t need to volunteer that they exist much less offer him one. But also, he’s not a jerk for asking if you knew of any family jewelry being around/available. People have recently taught me that apparently it’s now considered bad form to not let the woman being proposed to help shop/design her own ring, so definitely don’t feel guilty about not offering one of your heirlooms. Plus you’ve got 3 brothers.
Offering the eldest one a diamond when there aren’t ones for the others might just create future drama.” KkSquish17
20. AITJ For Considering Suing My Neighbor Over Their Constantly Barking Dog?
“I moved into this apartment about three years ago and my front porch is right next to the backyard of one of my neighbors.
They have a few dogs that they keep outside for most of the day, but one in particular (Australian shepherd I believe) is a habitual barker. He will just bark at anything and everything (squirrels, cats, birds, people outside, if I make too much noise in my own house).
And he will bark incessantly, for hours at a time.
Sometimes the barking is in the middle of the night, but mostly during the day… but still… I can hear it from inside of my house and have to blast the TV so loud that my neighbors can hear in order to drown out the sound.
I’ve purchased two sets of noise-canceling headphones (so I can still use one if the batteries on the other are dead), but I don’t want to wear them all the time. After one particular hour-long barking spree at 4 am, I decided to file a noise complaint with the county.
The county’s website suggested being persistent so I had been making complaints periodically because the barking did not stop.
Then one day after one of my complaints, I hear the dog owner yelling expletives, saying really, you called the cops about a dog!? Jerk, say it to my face!
And was just screaming and whining at the top of his lungs for a good ten minutes. (I didn’t call the cops, but I guess an animal control officer stopped by)
Then, it got worse. The dog started barking every day for hours and I started making weekly complaints.
But the county just suggested that I try mediation. The last couple of days the dog has been barking for 4-5 hour sessions with about an hour in between of quiet time.
I doubt these people would be willing to mediate the issue and at this point, I do not feel comfortable approaching them in person.
I’m not the type to just sue someone for any old thing, and this seems kind of silly, so I’m asking y’all…. WIBTJ if I sued my neighbors for their barking dog?”
Another User Comments:
“I was in a similar situation a while back where a neighbor across the street would tie her little dog out in front of her house and it would bark and anything that moved. The nonstop barking must have been music to her ears because she did nothing to stop it and it could go on for an hour or more.
So I came up with a plan to train the dog myself. I went on YouTube and searched the term “dog whistle”. I downloaded about a dozen videos that were nothing but high-pitched sounds beyond human hearing to a folder on my desktop. I put my 5.1 surround sound speakers in the two windows in my living room that face the neighbor across the street.
When she put the dog out and it wouldn’t shut up after five minutes, I cranked the volume to the maximum and started going through the dog whistle videos. I found two that made the dog immediately stop. I created a playlist of those two on a loop and played it anytime her dog started barking.” ArchimedesChops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings, but it’s unlikely you’d get satisfaction from the courts and obviously your neighbor is a jerk, so maybe put the energy toward moving. It’s strange to me the number of people who think you should just have to deal with a dog that barks all day and night.
It’s not okay for your neighbor to keep his dogs outside and destroy everybody else’s quiet enjoyment of their homes. Noise enforcement exists for a reason. No one wants to live next to people who don’t care that anyone else exists.” 70sBurnOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a pro tip. Several companies make sonic anti-barking devices. You plug them in and they cover a certain area. If you have electricity near the neighbor’s fence, I would suggest that. The dog barks and a sonic annoying only to the dog noise is emitted. Doesn’t hurt the dog.
The humans don’t know about it. It’s not 100% but it makes a massive dent in barking. The dog is bored barking and this should stop that, the dog will still bark at squirrels, etc but the constant bark should end.” Ocelot-Worried
19. AITJ For Trying To Prevent My Friends From Exploiting My Fiancé's Generosity?
“My fiancé is a really generous person who tends to pay for everyone whenever we go anywhere. Most of my friends have figured this out and I feel like some of them have started taking advantage of him (i.e. they’ll buy things they wouldn’t normally buy when he’s around since they know he’ll pay for it).
I was shopping with two of my friends and my fiancé came to pick me up. When he arrived, I was planning to buy a few things but I put them all back when I noticed my friends picking up things they had previously said they weren’t going to buy once they noticed him.
I lied and said I was feeling too hot in the shop so that he would wait outside with me so my friends would have to pay for their own things.
My friends figured out what I was doing and were giving me the cold shoulder after.
I did later admit to my fiancé what I had done as he wanted to know why I had suddenly put everything back and he seemed upset with me. He said I should’ve just bought what I wanted and not worried about my friends.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ, but I don’t think you’re handling this well. You’re engaged to this guy! That means you should have discussed all of it with him in depth. Right now, it’s just your friends, but once you’re married, what if he continues this behavior with family, his friends, etc?
Something like this needs to be dealt with head-on. And you need to be honest. It’s great for someone to be generous, but this has limits and he’s exceeding them. I also think you need to look at these friendships. These people aren’t coming across very well.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your fiancé that you appreciate how generous he is but you don’t want him to be taken advantage of, maybe work out a signal (the first thing that comes to mind would be a triple tap essentially, either squeeze his hand three times in a row or kiss three times, just if something happens three times in a row he knows rather than something specific so you can change it up) for when you think your friends are getting more just because of him and he just doesn’t offer to pay for everyone when the signal happens or sets a limit on how to pay somehow and it would be up to him how he handles it.
As for the friends? People like that suck but just keep it in mind.” Level_Quantity7737
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your friends are. While it’s your partner’s choice who he pays for, it’s your choice as to whether you want to get things for him to buy.
If you’re getting married then you also need to be making financially responsible decisions together. It sounds like your friends are users TBH. If they’re giving you the cold shoulder because they were caught taking advantage of your partner, I have to wonder what kinds of friends they really are.
Be a bit wary of your partner throwing cash around. Generosity within a budget is fine (or even good) but if it’s about him giving the appearance of having wealth, then you might be in for some rough times.” magnus_the_fish
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Friends For Their Misogynistic Comments?
“My childhood friend, Sarah, moved to the city I live in 4 months ago. I invited her into my group of friends, who are mostly people my husband knew from before. Everybody seemed to be welcoming of Sarah and she even started to get really close to my husband’s friend Paul.
I know they’ve been hooking up because Sarah told me.
I was using my husband’s phone to find the address for dinner with these friends so that I could pass it on to another friend. The address was given in a group chat which is how I found these messages.
They were talking about Sarah and how Paul wouldn’t make her his partner because according to him girls like her were for fun and not wife material. He said he would find someone from their circles to engage with but he would keep sleeping with her until he got bored. There were other gross comments made by the others in the group chat and at one point I got brought up too.
I’m going to be honest when I saw these messages I was furious. I didn’t even think before I wrote a text telling them they’re misogynistic classist jerks.
At first, they thought I was my husband but then one of them called him which is how he found out and how they found out it was me.
They all pretended to be apologetic and my husband was upset with me for sending them that message from his phone without speaking to him first.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been better to go to your husband first and ask if he’s okay with his friends acting like this.
If he is, then you have a husband problem. If not, then he needs to deal with it. As I understand it, you were expected to use his phone and the group chat, so you’re not snooping. “There were other gross comments made by the others in the group chat and at one point I got brought up too.” This is something they really can’t come back from.
You need an answer from your husband about whether or not he has your back with his jerk friends. Otherwise, I don’t know how you can be around them going forward. They’re crystal clear that you’re “not one of them” and therefore deserve no respect.
Call Sarah and warn her before she wastes another minute with these creeps.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Had your husband engaged with any of these texts? See, I do think you were out of line for texting from your husband’s phone, but I also think you were spot on with your assessment of the interchange.
I’m not willing to let you off the hook, though, because I think it would have been much more effective if your husband had expressed his disgust for their misogyny and classism… Only because you deprived yourself of finding out who you really married, and you deprived your husband of an opportunity to rise up to your expectations of the man you think he can be, do I ask, because I really think you’re equal parts right and wrong here…” MarkedHeart
Another User Comments:
“Welp. Sounds like Paul will have to spend his time with someone else now, Sarah is officially way out of his league. And your husband is a jerk for being a part of this at all and not defending/joining in/not shutting it down.
He has no right to be mad at you. Let him know he can go sleep on Paul’s couch for a few days, Paul certainly has some free time now. NTJ. Screw toxic masculinity. Screw Paul. Go have some drinks with Sarah.” BananaLemonLime
17. AITJ For Refusing To Limit My Meetings With A Friend Upon Her Fiancé's Request?
“I (M29) met Amy (F28) earlier this year when we both were patients in a psychiatric hospital because of depression. We quickly became very good friends and were able to help each other a lot. We currently meet 2-3 times a week and also talk on the phone frequently.
Amy has a fiancé, Paul (M28). He’s honestly a great guy and I’m glad they have each other. We get along well, but we’ve never met without Amy also being there.
On Saturday, Amy and Paul hosted a small dinner party and invited me and some other friends.
It was a great night and we all had lots of fun. Eventually, Paul came up to me and asked if he could have a quick talk with me in private. We went to another room and basically told me that while he likes me and is happy that Amy and I became friends, it makes him feel uncomfortable that Amy is meeting up several times a week.
He asked me if I could meet up with her less frequently. I told him that while I understand where he is coming from, I think this is something he should talk about with Amy. He said he doesn’t want to do that because he doesn’t want to be a jerk who dictates who his wife can meet up with.
I told him that I would be okay with it if Amy agrees to it, but I wouldn’t do it if he doesn’t involve her.
At the time I thought this was reasonable, but today I’m not so sure anymore. I can see why somebody would be uncomfortable with his soon-to-be wife constantly seeing another guy and how not cooperating with him would make me a jerk.
What’s your opinion on this? Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When he said he doesn’t want to be the jerk who dictates who his wife can meet up with, what he actually meant is that he doesn’t want his wife to know that he is the jerk who dictates who his wife can meet up with – because he is still doing exactly that.
Not only are you NTJ, but I think you have an obligation to Amy to tell her what he asked of you. She has a right to know that her soon-to-be husband is going behind her back in this way.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. While it is correct he should have addressed this directly with Amy, I don’t believe it’s that “black and white”. First, he didn’t ask you to end your friendship or even stop hanging out together, he asked that it be in moderation.
Consider for a moment, that you and Amy met while in crisis on an inpatient psychiatric unit, typically it is discouraged for patients to maintain contact outside of that controlled environment, for too many various reasons to list. You and Amy have formed an “emotional” bond based on an experience her fiancé was not a part of and at best could be difficult to understand.
Yet, he has made the effort to support your friendship and include you amongst a group of friends invited to their home. This may ultimately border on an emotional affair, or at a minimum, a co-dependency. This is the reason therapists exist and outpatient appointments are scheduled upon discharge from an inpatient unit.
I perceive this as a form of disrespect on Amy’s part to her relationship with the man she has agreed and plans to marry. At a minimum, it is an incredible lack of insight on her part, which may indicate she’s not yet mature enough to make this life-long commitment.” Competitive-Big-4811
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. Him asking YOU is inappropriate. He needs to communicate with his wife and talk WITH her as opposed to others. You (and her) are meeting up an unreasonable amount. 2-3 times a WEEK?!? That’s excessive and is more indicative of a romantic relationship than a friendship.
If you’re meeting up with a married person this often, then you’re either participating in an (at least emotional) affair or are heading into that. Why haven’t you questioned why and how Amy has the time to meet up with ONE individual 2-3 times a week outside of her marriage?
That’s close to half of her evenings.” Ohcrumbcakes
16. AITJ For Letting My Parents Vacation At My In-Laws' Rented Villa For Free?
“When we got married, my wife’s family didn’t like me and thought she could do a lot better. Mine thought the same about her but less so. We were from slightly different cultures, but close enough that we didn’t like each other generally.
Anyway, one time when we were engaged, her family invited my parents over to their villa in Italy, which was absolutely gorgeous. It had a pool, old oak beams, a terrace, and a big carved fireplace. Was just amazing really.
They had grown up in the house, called it ‘the villa’ etc. My mum told everyone in the community that my wife was from a very rich and tasteful family.
Anyway, it was nice, we got married and soon after my parents asked if they could visit when they were doing a tour of Italy. They said they weren’t there at the moment, but some other time maybe. Parents took this as an open invite.
They said they’d be back in summer for two weeks. My in-laws said, ok lovely.
So anyway, they were actually too proud to admit they had just been renting it as a holiday let for 30 years (for maybe a month maximum), they didn’t own it.
My parents have been visiting yearly. Basically for free, having the in-laws pay. The in-laws had to casually check when my parents might be arriving and book the villa for them in advance.
I found out a while ago, but I liked the holiday house so much I went with it.
(1) The action I took that should be judged was not saying anything.
(2) that action might make me the jerk because I got free holidays for years in a lovely villa out of this.
We recently split up, and my mum and dad say they miss the villa (not the wife so much).
We could theoretically just rent it without the in-laws paying, so AITJ, for telling them or not telling them?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yeah, your ex-in-laws let their pride get the better of them, but I can kind of see why they weren’t thrilled about having to deal with your family.
Who just decides they’re going to make someone else’s summer home an integral part of their vacation plans every year from now on?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but everyone involved sounds exhausting. Your in-laws for keeping up the charade for 30 years, your parents for taking advantage (honestly, they sound the most exhausting.
Your mom even told everyone in the community about your ultra-rich wife, and despite NOT liking her, sure took advantage of that holiday villa). Basically, no one is the jerk because there’s no conflict; your in-laws were okay with paying (which IMO still makes them quite wealthy, even if they didn’t own the villa), your parents kept pushing for a summer holiday but your in-laws were fine with it… you and your wife didn’t say anything… but honestly, everyone sounds exhausting.” t-rex_on_a_bike
Another User Comments:
“INFO just saw that you said your in-laws also invite themselves over all the time. Do you mean to your parents’ house or you and your ex’s house? Just want to understand the ‘quid pro quo’ situation you mention. Either way, NTJ, they chose to omit the fact that they didn’t own the villa and that’s not your problem.
Choosing to not tell your parents would be the kinder thing to do to save your ex-in-laws’ faces but if you don’t care about that, go off and tell your parents the truth.” lily23222
15. AITJ For Not Throwing My Parents A Huge 50th Anniversary Party?
“My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary this month. My siblings and I were planning a small family dinner to celebrate. Like everyone we all have busy lives so it turned a bit last minute. They have refused to attend and want no gifts because they say it’s not enough.
I should say that my parents are both very overdramatic. I mean my mom bought a huge banner herself and draped it on their front porch the week of their anniversary so that everyone would know and then posted a pic to social media. When I tried to call them the day before to make plans to see them on their anniversary they would not answer.
I then get a call from my brother who lives next to them, he had obviously been given the guilt treatment because he passed it to me and my other siblings. He said we are bad kids because we didn’t plan a huge celebration for them.
I have one brother who has separated himself from the family and one sister who is dealing with her marriage ending and a possible diagnosis of anorexia. I have 3 grandchildren and one on the way and did I mention this bad economy? On their 45th just 5 years ago we had a big surprise party for them.
I guess they expected the same this year.
They say “love” requires action and we need to prove it. We also need to “come clean” and tell them why we value other people more than our parents. I’m over it, but they are getting up there in age and I don’t want to wait too long to make peace with them.
I just don’t think their expectations are my responsibility.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them their actions are telling you loud and clear that they’ve mistaken “love” for extortion and emotional manipulation, and that if what you’re able to give isn’t good enough for them, you’re perfectly happy to go with nothing in lieu of bending over backward to meet their demands.
Then tell any siblings willing to play flying monkey that they can do what they want, but you’re not enabling these tantrums anymore or taking any arguments on the subject, and focus on the things you actually need to focus on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds to me like they want to boast that their kids outdid someone else’s… (?) ego trip from a show of PDA from the kids. Too bad they aren’t the kind of parents who inspire that. You threw them a party previously, which was great, and not mandatory.
You planned an evening that would have been very nice. They are entitled and ignorant – who puts the guilt and stress on their adult children to plan a party that they can’t afford and are too busy to properly manage? I’ve seen too many people who love throwing what I call “look at us aren’t we great?!” parties.
Big and fancy but no substance, not personal and meaningful.” Embarrassed_Board_15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the reality is things are pretty bad out there with the economy. And large gatherings of people, most of whom are not going to be masked, are not a good idea.
Love does involve action, but sometimes that action is keeping things small and being considerate of the health and welfare of others. A big shebang is a financial burden no working family/ies should be taking on in the face of a looming recession. You have adult siblings w****e in their own troubles.
And your folks want to add to their burdens while enjoying a blowout party for themselves? Huh? This isn’t reality TV. What a mess. And I’m sorry it’s affecting you and your siblings.” MorriganNiConn
14. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A New Car Against My Husband's Wishes?
“I am planning on getting a car at the end of the year. The car has been a goal of mine since 2012.
I’ve had nothing but poor-quality cars and my last 2 cars were used and pieces of junk. I promised myself that if I worked hard and got a good job that pays decent I would treat myself to a car at the right time.
Well, the time is now. I plan on getting the car on a PCP (paying monthly) and have saved £7000 towards it. I’m aiming to pay £400 at the top end per month and have said I’d only consider Mercedes, BMW and Audi.
A little backstory – I grew up living comfortably, my dad had a decent job but we were always taught to be financially smart (my dad worked in finance and I also went to school for finance).
I’m big into spreadsheets and I don’t make large financial transactions without making a budget to make sure that it’s affordable etc. We are saving for a house as well and the purchase does not impact my share of the savings for the house.
My husband grew up spending less money on things (used cars, anything we buy has to be the cheapest possible, etc). Don’t get me wrong, I love a bargain/ thrift, etc, and buy second-hand items all the time but for me, it’s more balanced between higher ticketed items vs cheap items. Whatever purchases are expensive (I like certain high-end designer items) I’ve always straight-up saved and bought for myself.
I’ve never asked him to ever buy me anything. I consider myself financially independent in that respect. I worked hard to climb the ladder at my company and I believe it’s important to treat yourself. My husband is not the same. But to each their own.
He does not have his license in the UK (he’s from the US) and does not plan on contributing to the purchase of the vehicle.
Today we found out that electric cars are facing raw materials shortages and won’t be delivered for 18 months.
This means we would now be getting a petrol car. When I mentioned this to my husband he immediately said “WE ARE NOT BUYING A PETROL CAR” and I said we have no choice, and I can’t wait 18 months to get a car. Then he insisted we get a used car.
I said no to this as I have considered and had two used cars which left a bad taste in my mouth and I promised myself never again. Again he kept saying we aren’t doing this etc because we are planning on buying a house which he’d rather save for (I have a trust with £50,000 for this at the moment which becomes mine fully in 3 years’ time) and I asked if he even plans on contributing to the car to which he said no. Which is fine but don’t tell me how to spend my own money?
He wouldn’t even be able to drive this car as he would need to get his UK license which will take a while I assume.
So, would I be the jerk if I ignored him and bought the car I wanted? I desperately want him to get his opinion on the car itself but I don’t think he would be a team player in giving his honest opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Jesus what is it with these uber-controlling partners in all these AITJ posts? Have I just been that lucky? I’ve had some crazy partners in my life, I’ve probably been one at times. But never have I behaved like that or have I experienced such a need for control from a partner…I mean, demanding this, forbidding that.
That’s just bonkers. You each have a right to a share of your own income in my opinion, as long as it doesn’t affect the mutual budget and the purchase doesn’t harm anyone or (reasonably) insult the other party, it’s hardly their concern. A car …What a strange hill to die on.
Besides, a new car will surely pay for itself in the long run in maintenance and mileage and all that, no?” Wrong-Mixture
Another User Comments:
“You’re not asking the right question. Whether you’re a jerk or not is not important here. What’s important is that you and your husband are on the same page.
If you know he feels strongly about this and you make a large purchase anyway, you could do a lot of damage to your relationship. You need to figure out how to resolve this. If you’re at an impasse, use some of that money to see a counselor.
To be frank, it sounds like you’re rubbing your wealth in his face. I grew up poor and I run fast in the other direction from anyone like that. If you value your marriage, I strongly advise you to think hard about what it will mean for someone who has had to watch every penny to see you ignore and disrespect his frugality and make a purchase he couldn’t imagine making.
I’m not saying at all your husband’s frugality is the right approach, but a marriage is a partnership and if you use your greater financial power to ignore his wishes and disrespect his lifestyle, you will hurt and humiliate him. You need to figure this out as partners,” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You all have separate finances and this doesn’t affect your ability to contribute your half to shared bills. He is not paying ANYTHING towards this car so his input is unnecessary. Just because he grew up frugal doesn’t mean he can be controlling YOUR individual funds.
Also, since everyone wants to say this makes a bad look for you, don’t put that whole £50,000 towards the house. Save some of that and if you still contribute more by the time you all are ready then if possible your ownership of the house needs to be bigger.
Sounds not fair but protect yourself.” Peachyplum-
13. AITJ For Not Waking Up Earlier Despite My Medication's Side Effects?
“My partner (M25) and I (F25) had plans to go to a stately home today and have a picnic. I take my antipsychotic quetiapine at night and it works as a sedative. That stuff knocks me out. The only way to get myself up is to blare alarms into my ear every minute for about half an hour.
So I set my alarms starting at 10 this morning. Before they can unzombify me, my partner asks me to turn off my alarms as they are annoying him. So I turned off my alarms.
Fast forward to noon, and I’m still asleep. My partner comes to wake me up and I can tell he’s slightly peeved that I haven’t woken up sooner.
He pretty much wants me to jump up and start the day. But I haven’t had my alarms blaring in my ear for half an hour to kick-start my wake-up. I still feel completely sedated and am unable to communicate properly. He’s upset I’m not more apologetic and rushing to get ready.
He’s upset with me that I didn’t ‘wake’ myself up sooner because I knew we had plans. I’m unable to wake myself up anymore because of the meds. That’s what the alarms were for.
He says I should’ve set more alarms for later? Forgive me for lacking critical thought while I am literally asleep.
Also wouldn’t that have been equally as annoying? Just later?
He’s now really upset because he feels that I’m not taking any responsibility for our day being ruined. Am I missing something here?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m on Seroquel too, been on up to 800mg. My three suggestions are: 1.
Take it earlier, if it’s not ER the half-life is pretty short 2. Use sleep as android or something to find out when your sleep is lightest so you can use fewer alarms 3. Check out vibrating under-pillow alarms for deaf people. I sympathize, sometimes if I have to use the bathroom at night I can barely walk or see because I’m so sedated. It’s some heavy stuff, and it’s the most easily tolerated antipsychotic for many people so sometimes there are no other options.” LastPhilosopher9332
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP, I’m gonna pass on judging here because I take Seroquel for sleep too and it does indeed knock you out. I’ve been on meds where I literally could not wake up no matter what, I’m talking 50 missed calls and stuff, so I empathize deeply with you, it sucks but you need it.
However, I do also empathize with your partner because it must be quite draining and no matter how empathetic you are of someone’s struggle and the cause for these alarms, it’s very easy to get overstimulated and annoyed especially in the morning. He could have been nicer about it but I do understand where he’s coming from, especially since you guys live together – you can understand and still not like it.
I think the solutions others have suggested, vibrating alarms, are a great option, or maybe you should consider asking your partner if he would prefer you sleep separately if he’s gonna be getting up after you are. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, it sucks and I hope you find a solution!” lopsidedmonstera
Another User Comments:
“I would be off my rocker if someone blasted alarms for 30 minutes every day. Although tbh, 10 am is a pretty reasonable time for this to happen, and I’d have been up already for hours, but I’m a decade older than you two.
But I digress, it sounds like it’s not really your choice, and you’re taking measures to make waking up less annoying for him. If you had plans you absolutely had to meet by a certain time, he should have reset your alarms once he woke up.
He lives with you, he knows your situation. I don’t know why he thinks that his feelings negate the effects of the strong sedative you’re on. Slight NTJ (almost no jerks here, because I do get his annoyance).” furkfurk
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Repair My Relationship With My Grandfather After He Disapproved Of My Career Choice?
“I (18f) have had some issues with my grandfather (74m) for the past few months.
He always adored me when I was younger but as I started getting older that faded. It became really bad when I moved out.
So this year I decided to become a makeup artist. I’m going to school and it’s been great. I’ve never been happier with my career choice.
Everybody supported my decision and was happy for me and I was really excited to move out.
When I told my grandfather he said he disapproved. When I questioned this he said he had other dreams for me, like becoming a lawyer or a doctor, and told me a makeup artist is not a real profession but rather something we women tell each other.
He refused to support my decision and said he wouldn’t help financially so I can move out (he had promised he would before I told him my career choice because he helps all his grandkids). I was the only grandkid he left out.
I didn’t care that much for the money, but he emotionally distanced himself from me and I care about that more.
He stopped calling me and didn’t speak to me when I visited. I hit some milestones this year and he never called to congratulate me. So I stopped trying for a relationship with him.
My grandma has been telling me lately to start trying again, but I really don’t want to.
My brother called me a jerk for this but my grandpa paid for everything when he moved out.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly despise promises of support that are conditional to that degree. I mean, all support is conditional—you can’t expect relatives to support your efforts to join organized crime or become a substance dealer—but your career choice seems reasonable for this stage of your life.
Of course you might decide later to continue your education & do other things. But right now if this is what works for you grandpapa ought to be supportive. He’s the jerk here, not you. I don’t know enough about your life to say whether efforts on your part to repair the relationship are worthwhile, but if you come crawling back now he’ll always have veto power over your life choices.” andykatz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandfather distanced himself from you because your career choice wasn’t as lucrative or prestigious enough for him. He hasn’t tried to initiate contact, but your family wants you to grovel to be in his good graces again? Unfortunately, they are appealing to the wrong person.
If your grandfather had apologized and wanted a relationship (which is where I thought your story was going) maybe there would be a chance of moving forward. But you seem to want a relationship, but he doesn’t. Your grandfather is being unreasonable, and it’s unfair to put the responsibility on you, especially since history has shown it won’t work.
What kind of person cuts someone from his life because he doesn’t like their career choice?” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he’s a massive one. As someone else with a jerk grandad, you’re probably better off but it’s completely your call either to contact him or not.
In my opinion, it’s on him to fix it. He did the damage, it’s his responsibility. He’s treating you differently from your siblings so they won’t get it and will have a different relationship with him and opinion of him. They won’t get it, trust your gut.” Star_Bee1607
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Child-Free Friend To My Kid's Birthday Party?
“I have a friend, Mika F40, who is child-free. We have known each other for most of our lives and she has always been uncomfortable around kids.
She even told me, when my niece and nephew were born (twins), that I could not show her more than one pic per visit and that she doesn’t want to hear stories about them. I respected that.
Now that I have my own kids, I don’t see her as often but we’re still very much in touch.
Well, my last baby was born in June 2020 and nobody could come to the hospital, I couldn’t have our traditional naming ceremony and we’ve barely seen anyone. Now that most restrictions have been lifted, we’re having a little birthday party. I didn’t invite Mika because we invited about 10 kids, most of whom are between the ages of 9 and 1 (and their parents and other adults).
There are child-free people coming but they don’t mind kids, or they just don’t complain about it! I KNOW Mika would start complaining about the crying or screaming or, as she puts it, general neediness.
Mika found out about the party and said I’m a jerk for not inviting her but I honestly want to celebrate my baby like my other kids have experienced without worrying that Mika is uncomfortable.
But I get that she may feel excluded.
So, am I the jerk for not inviting my friend who doesn’t like kids to my kid’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“Mika is behaving so weirdly. I am “a Mika”. I don’t like kids, don’t have them, and don’t really like being around them (but I’m not a jerk about it and don’t behave like they are “spawns”).
My Mom friends know how I feel because I was polite about it and they always say that there is a bday party for so and so kid and that if I want to come to let them know and they will extend an invite but that their default position is to not extend an invite unless I ask.
The one picture-per-visit thing is weird. I may not like to be around kids, but some kids are so freaking cute. My one friend’s baby was like 3 months old at the start of November and my friend bought all of these funky hats to keep the baby’s head warm when they went outside.
It was hysterical. One of them had yarn “long blond hair”. Anyway, NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get not wanting kids, but I find it really strange when people “hate” kids. This friend is actively stating and showing that she doesn’t care about what’s going on in your life.
Hearing about your kids is no different than someone talking about their SO or their job. Your child is part of your life. Not caring about your kids and refusing to even look at a couple of photos is very selfish. I’m sure this friend tells you about things that are going on in her life….
Red flag… Very one-sided relationship.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but here’s some perspective. This is not entirely the same but it may help you reframe the situation. A year and a half ago my wife and I were expecting a baby boy, but the pregnancy ended unexpectedly at around 36 weeks.
It was very tough for us, but we’ve been working through it. About a month ago, we got an invitation to a baby shower from some friends from out of state that we hadn’t seen in a while. They knew about our loss and totally understood if we didn’t want to attend, but they cared about us and still wanted to extend the invitation.
I had to really think about whether I wanted to go; it took me almost 2 weeks to decide. My wife wasn’t up for it at all, but I told her I wanted to go, so she stayed home and had a little “her time” for the weekend while I visited. She was fine not going, but she also appreciated that our friends invited us and sent some well wishes along with me.
I get that your friend’s child-free stance is not the same as my situation, but I think that sometimes extending an invitation is more about checking in on a friendship than it is about creating a guest list. Mika probably feels slighted because this is a big thing you’re doing for your kid and she’s being excluded. Sure, it’s kind of a selfish way of thinking, especially since she’s outspoken about being child-free, but I get it.
Maybe if you invited her with an explanation that kids would be there, she’d have sucked it up for a day for you, or maybe she’d have dropped by with a gift, said some quick hellos, shown her face, and then taken off.
After being so outspoken and having such strict rules in place, I’m not sure what she expected (hence NTJ and not no jerks here). Maybe check in with her, see what she’s really thinking.” DarkeSword
10. AITJ For Refusing To Invade My Sister's Privacy By Checking Her Phone?
“I (19M) have a sister (13F) who is staying with me while our parents are out of town.
Normally our mom would never leave my sister alone while she was in another city but something came up and both our parents got stuck over there.
Our mom isn’t super strict on most things but she’s super paranoid when it comes to what my sister does on her phone.
She’s not allowed to sleep with her phone, can’t be on it past 10 pm, and needs to let our mom check it whenever she wants. These rules still applied while my sister was staying with me but since our mom was out of town she obviously couldn’t check her phone.
So one day I got a text from our mom telling me to check my sister’s phone. I explained why I didn’t want to do that (it violates her privacy and she deals with enough of that as it is) but she insisted. I eventually gave up and simply told her that I did it even though I didn’t.
Then she did something I never thought she would do and asked me to send VIDEO PROOF. I honestly couldn’t deal with her nonsense anymore so I told her that what she’s doing is stupid and at some point she’s going to need to trust her daughter.
I mean I think she deserves at least a LITTLE privacy. My mother’s response was “she’s 13, she doesn’t get privacy.” I guess she must’ve told our dad about this because 30 minutes later he calls to say that I’m being a horrible brother for not doing something that was meant to protect my sister.
I get that my parents want to protect her but I think what they’re doing is a little extreme. Am I wrong about this? Should I have checked her phone to “protect” her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being overly restrictive and not giving her privacy will just end up making her rebel anyway and do things more secretively.
It will reach a point where she will no longer trust you alongside her parents. If there was to be a potentially serious situation she was involved in and affected her safety, you would never find out. It’s best to emphasize to her that she should be vigilant and responsible when using her phone and on social media as long as she has them.
Have that conversation be educational.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all and you are a great big brother to your sister. By showing your sister you trust her she will trust coming to you if and whenever she needs you. She will never go to her parents the way they treat her by always going through her phone and never respecting her privacy.
I’m seeing in the future as soon as she’s 18 she’s most likely going very low contact with your parents if not no contact and then they will be on you trying to find out about her. Just keep up doing what you’re doing to show you trust her and she can trust you if she needs you.
This will only strengthen your relationship with your sister in the future.” Wise-Caterpillar8301
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a parent, I did insist on having the lock codes to the phones I paid for and access to online profiles at 13. They also were not allowed to sleep with their phones at that age.
I told my kids that I expected to be able to go through their phones at any time. In reality, I followed their socials and kept an eye on them. But I never read any conversations on a regular basis. I only looked at the phone when I caught them in a dangerous lie.
Just to make sure they were safe. I am a big proponent of respect and trust. And I told my kids I respected their privacy until I had a reason not to. And they gave me very little reason not to. I also never grounded them for anything on their phone.
I tried to use things as teaching moments. While some of your mom’s restrictions might be reasonable, they go way over the top with constantly going through the phone. Although I have seen that behavior in Fundy religious groups. Did your mom tell you what you were looking for?
Or did she just want the video so she could see the phone and use that to go through it? That level of monitoring just seems unhealthy. I think you did a good thing for your sister. Please make sure she knows she can trust you with her issues as she gets older, obviously, she is not going to be able to confide in your mom with anything serious and she may end up needing the support of a calm adult.” A-typ-self
9. AITJ For Leaving My Own Birthday Party At My Dad's House?
“My (16M) parents (46F & 47M) divorced in 2010, I don’t remember anything from the divorce except the arguments. I live with my mom and see my dad every other weekend. My mom is engaged to my wonderful stepdad, and my dad married his wife in 2018.
After they married my dad, stepmom, and stepmom’s two kids moved in together.
Okay, so now to the conflict. I went home to my dad yesterday (Friday) to celebrate my birthday today. I was given a choice, so I wasn’t forced to celebrate it with my dad but decided to do it anyway.
Big mistake. As soon as I stepped into the door my stepmom screamed at me for being late. I tried explaining that it wasn’t my fault, since they didn’t want to pick me up and the train is always late. I went straight to my room and started crying.
Later for dinner I talked about how excited I was for my birthday. We planned to eat sushi, go to the beach and then to the cinema. Then my stepmom said that they had decided to cancel because I was acting like a brat. I got mad and started arguing with them, but realized they had made up their mind, so I just kept quiet.
Today was boring. I woke up at around 11 am, and they weren’t home. They went out to eat without me. I decided I’d had enough, packed my things, and went home. When I was on the train I texted my dad to not expect to hear from me, and that I’d block him, his wife, and my step-sister.
I also texted my mom I’d come home early.
An hour after I came home he started blowing up my phone, so I blocked him like I said I would. Some time after he showed up at my mom’s house and yelled at me about how spoiled I was.
My mom told him to leave and asked me what happened. She agreed with me, but when I told some of my friends they told me I was a jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t want to get you, the train is always late.
They probably hadn’t actually made any plans for your birthday, they sound like they just wanted to punish you. You have a good mum. You should probably get new friends if they can’t understand that your father’s actions were wrong on so many levels, especially since his wife is an insult to the bovine species.” artic_fox-wolf1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmom is clearly abusive. Her reaction is clearly out of scale to what happened, especially since you being late was out of your control. And them going out to eat without you and not telling you is very much passive-aggressive and, if I can say so, really immature.
As was them canceling the night before at the last minute. You did fine leaving when you did. There was no reason for you to stay there for them to beat up on you, and you did fine blocking him when he called you to continue abusing you.
You weren’t spoiled – you were setting appropriate boundaries as to what behavior you would accept from people who were being clearly unreasonable. Your mother was correct and, if your friends think your father was correct, you need new friends.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
From what you wrote, it appears your dad’s wife was looking for a ‘reason’ to cancel your birthday. More likely, she forgot (purposely or not) and twisted your dad into agreeing. I’m sorry this happened to you and on your birthday no less. I don’t know what your friends were thinking by saying you’re the jerk for your dad’s and his wife’s actions.
I’m glad your mom had your back and pulled something together for you with those who care about you. Happy birthday from an internet stranger, I hope things get better for you in the future. Wishing you the best in your future endeavors.” Jake_Let_2991
8. AITJ For Not Sharing My Vitamin Water With My Nephew?
“I (30f) was asked to babysit my nephew (3). When I got to my sister (32f) and brother-in-law’s (31m) house, I had brought with me plain water and a vitamin water. I started playing with my nephew while they finished getting ready to go and he asked for some of my vitamin water.
I told him no, that it was mine, but we could go find something else for him to drink. He said no and seemed upset. I asked if he was thirsty and he said yes. I found his cup and filled it with fresh water, gave it to him, and asked if he wanted some of his juice.
He threw the cup down and tried climbing onto the counter to get my vitamin water.
My sister came down to see what was going on and he ran to her crying to be picked up. I explained the situation and she said “he loves that flavor, pour some in his cup”.
I told her no, that it was mine, and I wanted to drink it. She said they are trying to teach him sharing and I had plain water anyway as well, and that I was going to throw him off.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
I told her he needs to learn that not everyone is going to share their things, and he’ll have to get over it and move on. She said it’s not my business to parent her child, and that I don’t understand because I don’t have kids, and she asked me to leave.
For reference, I am a teacher and have worked with kids since I was 12, but I know it’s not the same as parenting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children need to learn to share. Children also need to learn “no, I am not sharing X with you and would you like Y” and limits.
You were not parenting your sister’s child, you were not undermining her parenting, you were telling the child “no”. She needs to step up her game if her child’s response to “no” was to climb on the counter and try to take something he has been told not to and help himself.” penguin_squeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While he is only 3, I agree that he needs to learn that sharing is not required all the time. I dislike that people equate ‘sharing’ as being required all the time – boundaries are important, but your nephew asked and you said no. You brought something into the house and intended to drink it – you could have shared it, but you left it on the counter for later.
That is not his and that is a hard lesson for him to learn.” Jaylloyd24
Another User Comments:
“Next time bring a caffeinated beverage and share with him because that is what she is demanding. Share with him towards the end of the time you are babysitting before Mommy gets home.
Then, let her deal with the fallout. As a mom, her thinking is ridiculous. Yes, it’s important to teach sharing but it is ALSO important to teach boundaries. A woman I used to be friends with chewed out my son in his own room for not sharing his very complex Lego set with her 4-year-old.
There were other legos and we had a playroom full of toys but she yelled at him “We share.” I had them leave shortly after that.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Wishing My Sister Experiences My Chronic Illness After She Hogged The Bathroom?
“I (19f) have ulcerative colitis and am having a bit of a flare-up. I also have a colonoscopy coming up and cannot eat for the next 36 hours (liquid diet).
My sister (22f) and brother (12m), and I were gonna watch a horror movie but my sister wanted to shower.
I said yes, be quick and we will watch the movie. I ended up having to use the bathroom badly and was in so much discomfort.
I prefer using the bathroom that I share with my sister because it has a bidet. There are two other washrooms but one doesn’t have one and the other my dad uses and his toilet is disgusting. Another thing is the other bathroom with the bidet is attached to my parents’ room and I feel self-conscious when using the washroom around people especially when I’m dealing with a flare-up.
It was 40 minutes after my sister went to the washroom and I knocked on the door and she told me she hasn’t even started showering yet. I was so upset she knew I only use this bathroom and I told her to hurry up. She kept saying “no, use the other ones” even though she knows my condition.
I told her, her shower doesn’t get priority over my literal chronic illness especially if she’s been in there for 40 minutes and hasn’t started showering. I told her to shower in 10 minutes and she took 15. She came out and I asked her for the next few days to use the washroom in 30 minutes because I have a flare-up.
She said no and that I have two other options that I can use. I told her that next time she gets sick I hope her colon gets inflammation and hopes she has to deal with the pain I have. I was bawling my eyes out because I couldn’t believe how selfish she was being.
She says I’m a jerk for wishing that upon her.”
Another User Comments:
“Controversial answer (possibly), but I think NTJ. Some people only feel comfortable doing their business in one place, it’s familiar and relaxing. Sounds to me like the sister was doing it on purpose, but you can lay your ground and explain to her your personal bathroom preference, and appeal to her empathy.
I don’t suffer from what you have but I do have a colon-related issue and my bathroom is the only familiar place for me to do my business. I hope you both can get to an agreement peacefully.” SinAmpersand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have Crohn’s and nobody else here will understand the pain urgency and humiliation that is loud explosive b****y diarrhea.
Little bit jerk for wishing the experience on your sister, but I’ve done that too lol. I’ve had people complaining about how long and how much I use the restroom. They simply don’t understand and most don’t even TRY to understand. I think you need to speak with your family and find a way that helps you get privacy and use of a bathroom when needed. It is absolutely crazy to spend 45 minutes in a bathroom without doing anything (?) like what?
I’d be upset too.” Peacefull_Orchid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Colonoscopy prep is no joke. Adding UC on to that? I’d have barricaded the bathroom for 24 hours straight regardless of how many others are available. She was also holding up the movie for you and your brother.
Sometimes you can’t help being delayed but saying she wants to shower before the movie and spending 40 minutes not showering is weird by itself. If she won’t begrudge you this for your UC, she could at least pause the sibling drama for your procedure prep.
So you’re living on yellow Gatorade and chicken broth (at least I did), experiencing two sources of liquid fire attacks, and the only toilet you trust is being held hostage by your sister. Respect to you my friend. I would have pulled the door off.
No one could convince me to use the nonbidet toilet in that moment and if your dad is like mine I wouldn’t trust his bidet to not give me an impromptu fecal transplant.
I’m at the point where my body will not let me go until I’m reasonably sure no one is in earshot and I’ve used enough potpourri.
I could be begging to go in tears but end up impacted because I physically can’t use a bathroom I’m not comfortable in, if someone knocks I’ll seize up, if I hear footsteps nearby I’m done for, if I know it’s the only toilet in the house or feel like I’m on a timer, etc. Some people are convinced that you’ll take any option if it’s bad enough, vacation constipation would disagree.
One day she too will have a colonoscopy as even healthy people do and I don’t doubt the memory of this will surface l**o, hold on to that knowledge.” continuallyamazed
6. AITJ For Slacking Off After Being Excluded From A Company Event Despite My Hard Work?
“I work in hardware retail (more BBQs, pools, and furniture). I like to say I work really hard!
I take pride in the aisles and displays, and always make sure the customer is getting the best help and the best advice as that’s what I’m paid to do and I would like to start climbing that management ladder (which has been offered to me but had to turn down due to family things, which are now resolved).
I’ve only been working here for 2 years but I’m basically the BBQ and furniture expert as the other expert retired so I’m the only expert now. I’m full time so doing 38 hours a week, whilst 2 others do 20 hours a week. I have built all the BBQ and furniture displays, assisted with all relays on aisles, and had excellent performance reviews.
The company is doing a big spring launch in another store and it’s based on my department! I’m excited to see the stuff so I run up to my supervisor and ask if I can go as I’m excited and have never been before! Flash forward to today I learn from a friend that he’s going and the other people in my area are going and I’m not.
After being told I would be going and that it will be a good reward for my hard work.
One of the coworkers then asks if I am and I say no. She then says how that’s silly and that she doesn’t even know the products but gets to go.
I then proceeded to tell her and my supervisor that I’m going to be doing as much work as everyone else and I won’t be helping with the new layout of the spring launch and basically they can expect the bare minimum until I change areas or find different employment.
AITJ and just having a tantrum?”
Another User Comments:
“Did your supervisor actually tell you that you’re not going? Did you confirm this? If confirmed, did you ask WHY you are not going? There could be a logistical reason for it or even the fact you’ve refused managerial positions before.
If true, NTJ for being mad about it. YTJ for basically telling your boss you don’t want to do the job you agreed to (check job description).” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly think you should go above your manager and complain about this.
The reason why is I’ve seen this before where people work really hard to get ahead and a manager swoops in and basically takes credit and when others ask “where’s the guy who runs this dept” the manager tells them “they didn’t want to come.” It makes you look bad to those higher up and the manager gets all of the glory.
Also, go look for another job so you can get that promotion and raise you want.” CatahoulaBubble
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Store His Boat On Our Driveway?
“We have a rather large driveway. The area closest to our home garage is 3 cars wide and then follows a length down about 8 cars long, 1 car wide. (Hope that makes sense and for a good visual) My partner and I park along the top by the garage using the two spots side by side but plan to use the long length soon due to putting up a portable basketball hoop for my son next month for his birthday so he can have that space.
A while back my dad wanted to buy a boat and can’t store it at his RV park and asked if he could store it on our driveway, we were not keen on the idea and said we would think about it. Lo and behold he has purchased a boat and plans to store it at a spot on our driveway (one of the spots near the garage) forcing us to park in the long length of the driveway permanently, due to the length of the boat.
(Those other two spots near the garage will be blocked off from driving into due to a fenced yard in front of the area.) It’s a weird layout.
We have told my dad we don’t want him using our driveway as storage, PLUS our lease does not allow another person’s storage on our property since we rent.
On top of that, we want to use the area for my son’s basketball court space. He thinks we are being jerks because we aren’t allowing him to use the space and he doesn’t want to store his boat elsewhere. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “We have told my dad we don’t want him using our driveway as storage, PLUS our lease does not allow another person’s storage on our property since we rent.” I would also check your local ordinances because many areas ban parking boats, trailers, and RVs in your driveway.
I live in a township in Ohio (no HOA) and there’s a ban in effect for parking any of those things I mentioned above unless you have a permit. The permit is only good for 48 hours and you can try to renew it, but it isn’t guaranteed nor is it cheap.
If your area has a law like that inform your father that it is against the law for him to store his boat at your house.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your dad is acting like a very typical entitled parent, and I am not here for it.
It’s like he took your answer as a “yes” and just assumed you’d roll over and do what he wants without objection. Not okay. Very rude and disrespectful to you, in fact. Seems like all your dad sees is his fancy new boat and a free parking spot, instead of his own grown child’s house.
Get him to shove off. You can legally have his boat just towed away if he’s going to be stubborn about it. Remind him that you, under NO circumstances, told him that he could store his boat there. Maybe y’all can compromise and you can charge him a $150/month storage fee.
That seems like the only fair compromise in this, but I’d rather see your dad be put in his place and made to drag his impulse purchase elsewhere.” Day_psycho
Another User Comments:
“This is a great example of “when NO is a whole answer.” I see in the comments you keep undercutting yourself- we said no but he is mad, but he doesn’t care, etc. Be very clear – no, you cannot store your boat here, it breaks our lease and we aren’t going to lie about it being our boat, do not bring your boat here.
Then, do not engage in further discussion. There is no conversation or compromise, and if he gets mad, hang up or just stop responding to messages. If he shows up with the boat, tell him it has to go or you will call the police.
Yes that’s dramatic, but this man will get you kicked out of your home…for a boat.” mfruitfly
4. AITJ For Scaring My Sister With A Blobfish Story To Get Her Home From The Park?
“I (15m) took my little sister (7f) to the park yesterday.
Long story short, she didn’t want to go home when it was getting dark. I tried bribing and begging, but that didn’t work. So, naturally, I stole a trick from my older brother. I told her, “Fine. You can stay, but I’m going home. I have to warn you though, if you stay out alone, you’ll get kidnapped, sold to a lab, and the scientists will turn you into a blobfish.” I showed her a picture of a blobfish on my phone, just to get the message across.
She came home with me after that.
Later that night, my mom asked my little brother (11m) to take the trash out and my sister freaked out. She was like “don’t go outside, I don’t want you to be a blobfish!” My mom asked why she said that and she said, “OP says if you go outside alone at night, scientists will turn you into a blobfish.” My mom yelled at me and said that I can’t lie to my sister like that, I was going to give her nightmares, etc. I was pretty quiet since I hate getting yelled at, but I still think the blobfish thing was funny.
I also think my mom might’ve been right, so I’m kinda torn. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the origins of most fairy tales are exactly like this: “don’t wander off in the forest because witches in gingerbread houses might eat you” is exactly the same; the reality isn’t witches but if you live in the forest, wandering off and being lost in and alone without food or shelter is just as dangerous for a small kid as being imprisoned by witches and eaten.
So cautionary tales like yours have been told throughout the ages for exactly the same purpose as yours. It depends on the kid of course, how well she will handle it – but your sister just had her first lesson in trust and personal safety.
She now knows to ask more questions about improbable stories and to listen the first time when she’s asked to do something by the person looking after her if she doesn’t want to face significant external dangers. She’s also learning from her mother that she needs to rationalize her fears, and that nobody, not even her loving big brother, has infinite patience with her stubbornness.
If your mother doesn’t like it she should consider that alternative free childcare is hard to come by these days…. And would she have rather you’d told your sister the truth about the kind of real dangers and abuses that might happen to a kid her age if she was alone outside at night?” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“One time I was driving my nieces (young aunt, only about 13 years between us) and we drove past a park. I was tired and hot and they started flipping out wanting me to stop. So I made up this nonsense story about how since I didn’t live in this town I didn’t pay the taxes that built the park and I couldn’t afford admission to play in it.
Harmless enough, they understood. Anywho 3-4 years later their dad is driving us by the very same park. He asked if they’d like to stop, and my oldest niece very maturely said, “we have free parks at home, Dad. I don’t want you to have to pay!” In a very accurate BUT RUDE assumption, he squinted at me.
Anyway, we all thought it was hilarious. I had completely forgotten until they brought it up. So no. NTJ. Absolutely hilarious.” Zombiestrudel
Another User Comments:
“I came here expecting some story about how you made fun of her weight or something… instead I’m cackling. Seriously, NTJ, that’s funny.
What older sibling hasn’t made up some silly lie to get their little sibling to do something? When I was younger I told my little brother that if he didn’t give me a hug I’d lose my voice forever, and he started crying on the spot and hugged me so tight I immediately felt awful.
He’s 20 now and still remembers that but he laughs about it, telling me I was an evil sister and I’m the reason he’s got issues today (he says this jokingly, I cannot stress this enough, we both tortured each other growing up and blame each other for our current mental states as a joke all the time).” faerieW15B
3. AITJ For Sending Back My Meal Because It Had Mushrooms?
“My friend was excited to take me to her favorite local restaurant.
I ordered a spaghetti bolognese, and when it came the sauce was full of small pieces of mushroom. I hate mushrooms; I’m not allergic but I hate them, and there is no chance I picked a dish with mushrooms listed as an ingredient. I even double-checked and the sauce was described as ‘a hearty tomato-based bolognese sauce.’
The waitress came to check everything was ok, and I said I’m sorry but I can’t eat my food because I didn’t realize it would have mushrooms. It was replaced with something else (which was delicious) and at the end of the meal I offered to pay for both meals but the manager/owner (I’m not sure) said not to worry about it.
My friend was really quiet for the entire evening, and on the way home I asked if everything was ok. She said she felt embarrassed in her favorite restaurant by my childish eating habits and that I should have realized bolognese sauces usually include mushrooms, I should have just shut up and eaten it because I did order it.
She dropped me off at home and we haven’t spoken since.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because it’s not an allergy doesn’t mean you can’t have food the way you like it. I have also never known bolognese to inherently have mushrooms. You offered to pay for both meals as well.
Your friend sounds childish; she is not the main character of that restaurant. The business will not give a crap about this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is crazy for reacting the way she did, she’s also the only one who makes a big deal about it and then behaves as if you threw the food across the room at the chef or something.
While some might add mushrooms I refuse to accept that it’s a “common ingredient” in the sauce, even checked the authentic Italian bolognese sauce and there are no mushrooms.” Royal-Space-Pirate
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, mushrooms aren’t always in a bolognese. Your friend is borderline a jerk for taking your food preferences personally.
In the future maybe just ask if dishes have mushrooms even if it seems like something that shouldn’t. It was nice you offered to pay for both. I’d say tip a touch extra and you’re good. The other option would have been to ask them to box it up and give it to your friend to take home (or if you have a roommate at home they can have it) and you pay for both.
But I think that’s going above and beyond.” commenter23450
2. AITJ For Deducting Cleanup Costs From My Mother's Share Of House Sale?
“Approximately 6 years ago my mom’s significant other passed away.
She is on SS, the minimum as she has never really worked. This left her without a home so we took her in, and did not ask her to pay. She received a death benefit of about $40,000. She spent most of this on vacations and such.
About a year later we got a notice that we had to vacate so we decided to buy. Mom offered to put up money to help (about $7000) for all of us including my older brother who was also staying with us.
A few months later she got a letter from SS saying they were going to cut her SS (she didn’t report death benefit), we continued to not charge rent, and she said would help with the bills when she could.
Older brother would rent the large basement room for $500 a month. At the time my husband was also on disability so money was very tight and we were struggling. However, older brother did not hold up his end of the deal. In 2 years time, he paid the $500 about 4-5 times until we kicked him out.
When he left he left hundreds of beer cans full of pee in the basement as well as the garage, he also stole tools from my husband.
At my mom’s begging we also let my younger brother and his pregnant partner move in and they stayed about 2 years, again at the agreed upon $500 rent which he mostly paid.
During his stay, he also caused damage to the bathroom sink and broke the pocket door to the bedroom.
2 years ago my mom, without asking, brought in a 5th wheel for herself to live in, and ran an electrical cord from the garage to the trailer to power her things, increasing our electric bill, and occasionally giving us a little bit of money.
She also broke the fence when she brought the trailer in.
During these 6 years, she took multiple vacations and did things for herself, while bros complained why we didn’t do more.
In January she up and left and never came back. She said she found happiness and was planning to leave in the spring but it happened sooner.
She left all of her things as well as the trailer. We repeatedly asked her to remove the trailer, she did not.
In March we got the opportunity to move and listed the house for sale, it is now worth more than we paid for it.
Getting the house ready to list we found a tent behind the trailer that had been set up specifically to hold trash and other areas where trash was disposed of improperly.
My husband wrote Mom an angry letter stating we were going to give you back everything you put in but because you left all the trash and everything that cost approximately $3000 to dispose of we were not going to give her that.
Now my mom’s side is angry how could you treat your mom like that and she deserves to have a piece of the sale.
We never said that we would not give her anything from the sale but we felt she should be responsible for the cost of clean up, so we would give her what she originally gave us minus the cost of clean up.
We have yet to close on the house so we haven’t even received any money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she or the family fights it, get petty and calculate the electric usage from her trailer and deduct that from the sum as well. For every time they fight you on it, just find another thing to charge her for until her balance is zero.
You don’t owe her anything. She and your older brother took extreme advantage of you (not including younger brother because he sounded halfway decent) in ways I couldn’t ever imagine using my family. Again, NTJ.” I_Have-A_Secret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom lived rent-free at your place for years, squandered her funds, lied to the SS, and invited someone into your home without permission.
The money she gave you does not even come close to what she owes. Give her nothing. She should be grateful she sponged off you for years.” KarenMaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are giving her what she deserves. You had to spend $3000 to get the sale ready and it was damages/mess she caused. She also lives there rent-free.
She sounds a bit greedy. So on principle, you are right. You said the house is selling for more though. The value went up. $3000 is a lot but if it’s only a small portion of what you will get from the sale then it isn’t a big deal… let me put it this way… you got the house for 100,000 and she put in $7000.
Granted she stayed for free… but if you sold it for 200,000, then in theory she should get 14,000 back. It doubled, so her amount doubles too. You paid 3,000 for her cleanup… so 11,000 and you only pay back what she put in originally… so 7,000. You make out with 4,000 extra.” Odiemus
1. AITJ For Using A Public Park To Relax Between Appointments?
“I had a couple of appointments in the city centre today, quite a few hours apart.
I didn’t fancy going home between them – buses are rubbish – but nor did the idea of sitting in one of the many fast food places or coffee shops for the whole time appeal to me.
I remembered that there’s this little park between the city centre and the train station.
It’s tucked away so neatly, most people don’t even know it’s there. It’s just some grass, a line of trees, a few flower beds, and a little path with some benches. Nothing fancy. And it’s a public park, or so the council sign says. As it was a nice day, I took my picnic blanket and my cross-stitch bag into town with me and set up in the park after my first appointment.
After about an hour or so, someone came into the park, wearing a uniform with the name of the adjacent care home. She insisted that I leave and that the residents of the home were being disturbed because they could see me.
I didn’t see how I could be disturbing them – unless they were distressed by the reminder that there was a park that they couldn’t freely access so close to where they lived – but she was threatening to call the police if I didn’t leave.
As I didn’t want the hassle of dealing with them, I left.
AITJ for using a public park as a quiet resting spot?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m from the same city and that sign is from the local council so the park is almost certainly owned by them.
It says nothing about the park being private property. The care home is definitely not council-run – I vaguely know a previous owner and I’ve also visited a few times through my job. The care home is private and the park is council, so as far as I know the care home would have absolutely no control over the park.
You are absolutely within your rights to do a cross stitch in that park – you could also do yoga, pilates, taekwondo or interpretive dance and it’s none of their business. I can only imagine that the staff are a bit wary as that location is in a busy area, as it’s between the city centre, train station and football stadium, so they’ve probably had issues with troublemakers in the park before.
But it’s neither football season nor a weekend or bank holiday, and it really doesn’t sound like you were bothering anyone. I work with dementia patients regularly and if they were bothered by something outside the home they would likely also be bothered by multiple things inside the home.
I’m petty enough that I would go back again and let them call the police, but if you wanted an easy life in the future you could go to the Bass Rec a few minutes walk away – not overlooked by any busybodies that I’m aware of.” what-the-bec
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. Lol, you should go to the care home as a volunteer and cross-stitch there. The residents would love to sit with you and reminisce. I suspect the problem is a crabby employee or a resident with difficult behaviours wanting to go outside.
It’s a public park though and it is their responsibility to manage resident behaviours… not kick people out of a public space. Contact management and let them know what happened as I expect they are unaware that local community members are being driven away.” DifferentPen6715
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it depends on the laws in the area and how much trouble it’s worth to you. Any time someone threatens to call the police on me, and I’m SURE I’m not breaking the law, I tell them “Go ahead, they’ll be happy that you’re wasting their time”.
Then they grumble and walk away. The trouble you have to worry about is if you fit a profile that the police will use to justify bothering you. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because they don’t like you.” disruptionisbliss
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Just because your a dr doesn’t mean you have lots of money nor does it mean your obligated to give the person who abandoned you 20yrs ago 50K just because he impregnated your mother