People Let Us Have A Go At Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Fiancée To Remove Her Stuff Or Risk Losing Her Deposit?
“I, a 31-year-old male, recently moved to my fiancée’s (29F) home country as she was homesick.
Two weeks after I had left my job, my country, friends, and family she left me as she was unhappy. I do still care for her and if I can’t make her happy then she shouldn’t be with me but some of the things happening post-break-up are making me question my own ethics.
She isn’t stable financially so when we were dividing up the stuff she purchased I let her have most things (TV, couch, outdoor furniture, washing machine) as I don’t need it and honestly having “our” furniture won’t help me move on. I told her that she could have “our stuff ” as long as she gets all of her belongings out of the apartment when she moves out.
I’m staying here a month longer and I don’t want to have to get rid of her stuff while I’m sorting out my life.
I’m currently sleeping on a bed that she used to own when she was younger in the spare bedroom. When she informed me I could “keep” said bed I told her I’d rather her take it back as I won’t be bringing it with me when I leave.
I’d rather spend a month on a couch or something than sleep in a bed that is too small for me and I have no way of getting rid of. I don’t have anyone I know here so I can’t get help moving it out, I’d have to carry the mattress and frame downstairs myself after dismantling it.
That’s if the policy of this country is to dump things on the curbside and I can’t really get confirmation on the legality of this since I don’t speak the language.
Her reaction to this was to call me selfish as she is trying to help me by giving me a bed and that if I don’t want it I can get rid of it.
She then proceeds to tell me that if I don’t do it, her father (with a heart condition) will have to. As she is in her own country with plenty of friends, colleagues, and two 6″3 brothers I found it hard to believe that her weak father was the only one capable of moving the bed. I told her that if she were to leave the apartment and leave some of her possessions behind, including the bed it would be impacted on her half of the deposit.
AITJ for telling her that if she didn’t get rid of her stuff, it would impact her half of the deposit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She’s not ‘giving’ you stuff, she’s trying to leave you with junk so she doesn’t have to deal with it.
We all know that game. And after she dumped you? After you moved to another country for her sake? Yeah, that’s low. ‘Get your stuff out of the house you’re leaving’ is basic and it’s entirely fair to expect her to stick to it.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s basically her old bed, how she brought it in she can take it out. She can take everything else she chooses, so why not the bed? You’re the one who was kinda left high and dry in a foreign country to handle this by yourself, I don’t know how ugly the breakup was but she could at least give you the courtesy to help you go back home.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am currently moving my stuff out of my ex-fiance’s apartment and I am making sure to get everything so he does not have to deal with it. Maybe drop what country you are in, I am certain a nice person can help with the language barrier.” Maupi
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help People Financially Despite My Own Financial Struggles?
“I’ve always helped people when I can with money. My foster parents raised me with a weird sense of money and made me use mine for others and never on myself but let my sister use hers for whatever she wanted.
I recently was able to finally get my first credit card and when I told my sister about it she immediately asked if I could cosign for her to get a loan to help pay off her debt.
I said no because my credit is months old, she tried to reason with me that they’d only look at my score but I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the idea.
Yesterday a friend of mine asked if I would donate $30 towards her birthday fund.
She knows that I’m unemployed for health reasons and can’t work at the moment, but she’s always asking for large amounts of money to go to a party, her birthday, and other things. I’ve covered her gas before, her Uber cost, and paid for her to get food before which I don’t mind doing to help her out.
We never hang out, or even talk really unless she needs money. I told her that I couldn’t donate to her birthday because I went to the hospital recently and had to pay for the medications that took the rest of my available money besides the money set aside for my bills.
I feel bad for not being able to help her or my sister out money-wise, but I can’t afford to do it anymore… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no one else is entitled to your money, and especially whilst you don’t have a stable income you need to look after yourself.
It sounds like others have taken advantage of you and see you as a soft touch, and you need to be comfortable saying no when you can’t or don’t wish to give others money. Specifically, your friend should be living within her means, and it would not be financially smart to co-sign for someone in debt – your sister is clearly not good with money and you may well be left with the bill.” Betweentheminds
Another User Comments:
“People are not being explicit enough. You have been conditioned to believe that you should not spend money on yourself, but give it to others. This is wrong. I don’t know if your parents are mentally troubled, or it was a sick joke, or what.
You should spend your money on yourself. You can help others IF YOU WANT TO. You don’t want to help your sister. You especially don’t want to help your coworker who has learned you’re a soft touch. And we don’t want you to either. If you’re walking down the street you might decide to give to a beggar.
If they seem deserving, you can spare it, and you feel like it. But people mostly decide not to. And there is nothing wrong with that. Get over the cruel conditioning your parents implanted in you. Start walking past beggars with a smile and confidence.
NTJ.” Irish_beast
Another User Comments:
“Very much NTJ, but just to be clear in case this ever comes up again – cosigning does NOT mean they just look at your credit score. (A lot of people don’t get this and end up in trouble.) It means you would be taking on full legal responsibility for the loan, so if your sister didn’t pay then they could come after you.
It’s almost always an extremely bad idea. If anyone asks you to cosign any kind of loan, you should never feel bad for saying no!” more_d_than_the_m
20. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Wedding After He Reinvited Me Last Minute?
“My brother got engaged about 3 years ago. He and his fiancee were living at my mom’s house. His fiancee asked me to be a bridesmaid, which I begrudgingly accepted after a lot of her crying that I didn’t like her.
A few months later I went through a bad breakup from an abusive relationship and went to stay with my mom for a while (I live in a different state).
While there all anyone was talking about was wedding planning, going dress shopping, etc. As you might imagine, I wasn’t super stoked about this given my situation, but I still participated in quite a bit.
Then one night my brother and his fiancee interrupted my conversation with my mom about my plans and the next steps as I returned to my state to rebuild my life, to talk about the bands they are looking at for their wedding.
I got up and went into the room, which led to a fight with my brother, which escalated, and he basically uninvited me from his wedding.
So I go home, rebuild my life, and am just kind of trucking along and never hear from him.
Fast forward to a week before the wedding, he has my mom ask if I am coming, I say I was uninvited, and she says “well he says you are invited again!”
Now, I actually hate weddings in general, so I explained that it was too short of notice for me to book a flight, get time off work, and fly to another country last minute for a wedding.
My mom was obviously upset, and the truth is I probably could have made it work, but it would have been a lot of work and have used the last of my vacation, or required me to fly in and out very quickly.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t actually know if you are invited; your mother may be hoping for a miraculous, tear-filled reconciliation at the wedding. Not every pair of siblings get along with one another. It takes effort on both parts. You and your brother haven’t spoken (by my rough calculation) for about two and a half years.
That’s a big gap. If you’re willing to put out an effort, you can choose to. But you don’t have an obligation to do so. And it doesn’t mean you are required to apologize for anything either.” bobledrew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother and his new wife are incredibly self-centered and lack empathy.
He is either a coward or intended to not give you enough time to attend with the way the invitation was handled. Even as a sibling, you are to receive a paper invitation like everyone else. Did your brother provide you with any support during the time back with Mom?
Sometimes people are deeply limited and they don’t get the relative you deserve. Move on and focus on healing. Best wishes!” Pugooki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was terribly inconsiderate to “uninvite” you with ridiculously short notice. They don’t deserve the effort and sacrifice you would have to make to attend at that point.
You do deserve to prioritize your needs at a time when nearly no one else is looking out for you. I am proud of you for choosing to do what is best for you. You are going to be alright OP as long as you continue to put your own needs and your mental health as the number one priority through this difficult time.” not_inacult
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepmom And Aunt In The Delivery Room?
“I’m (f28) currently 7 months pregnant with a little girl, with my partner John (m34).
I’m allowed up to 2 people in the delivery room, but I only want John there. My stepmom and aunt (dad’s sister) both want to be there during delivery, their reasoning is that they’ve been through this multiple times and can be a greater support and help to me.
Aunt also wasn’t allowed in the delivery room when her daughter had a baby last year due to certain health cases, so she’s saying that she deserves to be at mine since I’m like a second daughter to her.
Stepmom told me that John doesn’t know anything about this and he wouldn’t be able to support me, and the least I could do is compromise and let one of them in alongside John.
I’ve gone back and forth with both of them on this, and Dad said I’m being selfish and they just want to help, and I hurt their feelings. AITJ? Am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they’re stressing you out now chances are high they’re going to stress you out 10 times this during delivery.
And when they push, tell them that. “You have zero respect for my wishes right now, which is certainly not supporting me. Why would I ever trust you’d be supportive of me and my birthing wishes during delivery?” It’s not about you. They want first dibs on the baby.
End of story. If it were actually about you, they’d respect you. Oh, and if it helps, 3 of my 4 babies were born with only my husband present. My first baby (with my ex) I had half the freaking family in the waiting room and wanting to pester me during labor and they made it miserable.
Zero good memories from that day. It was awful. Which is why, when my husband and I had our first baby together, I set the rule of no one at the hospital at all (except our older child(ren). Visits waited until I was home.
My husband has always been a rockstar and supported me better than anyone else. Even for someone who’d never done it before. Don’t let them use the excuse of never having been through it to scare you. You do what is the least stressful and best option for you.
Anyone who can’t respect that can kick rocks.” cryssylee90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t believe that anyone – let alone women who have had children – needs to have it explained to them that the only “rights” that apply in this situation are yours.
Period. You are the patient. You are the one who will be in labor. You have an absolute right to decide who you want there, or not. It’s well established at this point that stress on the mother can impede the progression of labor, so they don’t get to argue they’re “helping” you by forcing themselves into the delivery room.
Tell them straight up you have made your decision and if they do not respect it, they will not be welcome at the hospital at all. And your husband needs to back you up on this, 100%.” Sweeper1985
Another User Comments:
“Um, yeah, of course you’re being selfish lady… It’s your medical procedure…?
They are not the ones pushing out a baby, their wants and opinions don’t matter. Literally, the only person whose opinions matter on the act of giving birth is the person who is, you know, giving birth. Like, the reason that people come into the birthing room is to comfort and support you.
Not for them. No one is entitled to be there. You don’t need a reason other than wanting or not wanting them there. In a couple of months, when you’re in the hospital, giving birth, and the doctors tell you to push, who do you want at your bedside, holding your hand?
Who is going to be there for you, as opposed to themselves? Your stepmom, aunt, and father are all being rather cruel to you. They’re valuing their wants over your comfort. I’m hearing a lot of me, me, me. That’s not someone I’d want by my bedside.
NTJ.” magicalboytransform
18. AITJ For Being Upset After My Husband Secretly Met My Estranged Sister During His Work Trip?
“My (36f) husband (38m) is traveling out of state for work right now.
He contacted my half-sister about my niece and nephew driving over to visit while he’s there because he will be much closer to them than he is at home.
For some context, my half-sister and I are not very close at all, we were raised separately, and ever since she met my husband a decade ago she’s primarily contacted him instead of me when there was information that needed to be passed along. Also, when she went through a rough divorce a few years back she started to text my husband daily and rely on him emotionally which I was super uncomfortable with and had to ask him to stop letting her do.
She said that she and the kids would love to meet up, and she’d bring our other sister and her kids with and it would be a whole family thing. As his trip got closer, though, the family got smaller. First, she said our other sister wasn’t comfortable driving the 2 hours in to see him so it would be just her and the kids.
Then she wasn’t super comfortable dragging the kids with her, so it would just be my husband and her, and they should go to this fancy steak house together.
I told my husband point blank that I wasn’t comfortable with this. He agreed that it was super weird how it went from a big family thing to a just them thing and he wouldn’t do it and he understood why I was a little bit weirded out about it.
He left for the work trip and everything was fine until a couple of days in my sister sent me a photo of my husband and my niece together. I’d just spoken to him an hour earlier to ask what he was up to and he’d said he was heading out to get barbecue for lunch.
They’d met halfway between his job site and her house, so he’d already been on his way when he said this to me, pretty much flat-out lying.
When I confronted my husband with a passive-aggressive “barbecue, huh?” he said that he had to because my sister had our niece call, and look, both niblings were in attendance as was my sister’s new husband.
To me, that the plans had changed in a way that I would have been perfectly fine with wasn’t really the point. A, he’d lied to my face, and B. My sister, who he’d no doubt said something to about not wanting to meet alone, had sent the photo to shove it in my face that she’d gotten her way.
(Maybe B isn’t true and I’m just too mad, whatever.)
Here’s where my husband says that I’M the jerk. I told him that he didn’t respect me at all because he’d gone behind my back to do this, and he said “screw you” and I said, “oh, should I get in line behind my sister?”
To be clear, I don’t actually think he did anything with her or even that he would, I was just so mad about the lying at the time. He then told me “this is why I couldn’t tell you,” blaming me for his lie. When I asked what exactly I should have done differently before the sneaky meeting, communication-wise so that he’d have told me, he had no answer and still hasn’t apologized.”
Another User Comments:
“Ahahahahahahahahah I like how everyone is in sync and we agree they’re messing around, also are you sure her kids are not your husband’s?? Why would he be so insistent on seeing them?? How often does he see them?? Your sister really got out of her marriage to mess with yours, honestly what a piece of work she is, if he’s so happy playing daddy with her kids maybe it’s time he goes to live full time with them I would divorce over this, NTJ.” Moon96Moon
Another User Comments:
“You have every right to call him on it and he is too blind to see what’s happening. He is emotionally messing around and your sister is busy working a wedge between you two. Set some boundaries. Your husband is not her emotional support system.
It is inappropriate for her to continue to call him. Put a stop to it and he must understand that he is too emotionally involved to not see clearly. Let him know all that she is doing is deliberate. Tell him to avoid her and watch she will make every effort to find ways to connect with him via her kids or other family members.
Let him know that as his wife he disrespected your trust and your vows to you to love and support. It’s up to him to regain your faith in his decisions to support us emotionally, not your sister. She has already crossed the line with him granting unlimited access with no boundaries.
Tell him to say hey nice hearing from you. I’d prefer you contact your sister. Listen as she will use any efforts to continue contacting him. Let him know what you believe she will do. Predict the outcome. She will talk trash about you how you’re jealous, try to use the kids as an excuse, and others to set up meetings to flaunt in your face.
She wants what you have. Be careful of that weasel.” SeinnaBronze
Another User Comments:
“OP, please show this to your husband so he knows that we all know he is messing around with your sister. He isn’t hiding it and what does your family think about him hanging with her alone?
I’d involve the whole family. This is line-in-the-sand type of stuff. I’d have thrown out the whole Husband by now. This is so far over the line. He is trash and your sister is disgusting.” Beneficial-Pen-5459
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Aunt's Rude Behavior Towards Understaffed Cafe Workers?
“We went out as a family (8 of us) at a forest park cafe. Staff are super busy so we had to seat ourselves, move tables, etc – not the best start. We ended up cleaning our own tables too.
After 10 mins of waiting, my aunt (46F) decided to walk over to the main area (we’re spread across a massive forested/streamed area) to let them know we would like a menu/to order food and that we weren’t impressed that we were ignored. Except she starts shouting at them, stuff along the lines of ”if we had expected to not be served, we would’ve just stayed at home” ”maybe I should go into the kitchen and make the lunches myself since you’re standing around doing nothing.”
We could hear her screaming at the server from 20 meters away. The server (guy in his late teens) approached us and apologized profusely, saying that there were only 3 servers for 60 tables and that he would be as quick as he could. My aunt continued to make passive-aggressive remarks every time he came to the table with food, drinks, etc. and after one particular comment, I snapped.
I told her that when I was working in customer service, it was her generation that I hated the most because they were always the most entitled and aggressive about it. She said that the customer is always right, and I retorted that she had no right to talk to the servers so rudely, that she had clearly never worked in hospitality, and that if she was really that unhappy then she could leave.
Said aunt is now ignoring me because I was rude to her. Family says that whilst they know where I’m coming from, that I should apologize to her since she’s upset.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior is wrong and inappropriate.
She is upset cause she got called out by someone younger than her, which is frankly, embarrassing. At her age, she is supposed to be the one with wisdom and foresight. She was incredibly rude. Frankly, I am surprised you guys stayed. You know what they say, don’t ever mess with people who make and serve your food.
Just so you know, not all people of your aunt’s age behave like her. I have the utmost gratefulness and respect for everyone, especially in the service industry. It is not an easy job and thankless. You may want to contact the restaurant or give them a positive review if possible.
Shame your aunt can’t understand that in this day and age, people are doing the best they can. I wouldn’t apologize. She owes an apology to everyone for her behavior. In due time, she will get over it. Also, the customer is not always right, that adage has long been revised. You also did something that the other adults at the table should have done.
She now knows she will be called out if you are around.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those poor kids are working their butts off at low pay too. If things started out so bad, your aunt should’ve just left from the start.
No one deserves to be yelled at for something they can’t control. Your aunt is entitled. I worked in 3 restaurants in my youth & customers like her are the worst & deserve no respect.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ say you’ll apologize to the aunt once she returns to the restaurant and apologizes to the server because I think she knows darn rightly that the server isn’t responsible for the place being understaffed and that she was just using this guy as a punching bag cause she knew she could.
Also if her behavior in the restaurant is a reflection of her behavior in general I’d say the silent treatment from her is more a gift than a punishment.” fatherted98
16. AITJ For Wanting To Prioritize My Education And Future Over My Sister's Financial Needs?
“I (25F) have been helping my sister (30) take care of my niece since she was born when I was 15 years old. As the years went by I helped her out with school clothes, activities, and anything else my niece needed that my sister couldn’t provide.
My sister makes very questionable choices with men and life choices and always needs someone to babysit for her to go out, needs help financially, and even needs my car for things.
My niece is now 10 years old and I have put my life on hold to help out but now I have gone back to college and I am also trying to save money to buy my own home and can’t financially help out like I used to.
My sister got very angry when I told her in advance before school ended that I couldn’t help out financially like I used to for the new school year but I would still provide the school supplies and that she just needed to save all summer for clothes.
To which she replied that I am selfish because she’s a single mom struggling and I have no other responsibilities but work and school. I feel very guilty now and don’t know what I should do because I love my niece and don’t want her to miss out on things she needs because I need to focus on my future goals.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is your niece NOT YOUR child. Your sister is the jerk. Her child her responsibility. She made the decision to have a baby at such a young age she needs to accept the responsibility that comes along with it. Do not feel guilty.
Your sister wants you to. Why? So she does not have to change her lifestyle to care for your niece. Stick to your guns. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated and bullied into continuing to provide the support that you previously provided. You put her and your niece first for years.
Now is the time to put yourself first. Congrats on going back to school. Good luck.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“Question: did you give birth to your niece? Did you choose to be a mother? Did you force your sister to give birth to your niece?
If the answer to all of those is “no” then send sister the jobs section of the newspaper and tell her to stuff her nose in there rather than in your bank account. She is not entitled to your money because she is a single mother.
The single mother is not a magic card she gets to wave around to get her way. She is just very comfortable to have unlimited access to the sister bank. NTJ.” samanthacarter4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been so helpful and selfless in ways that most people wouldn’t be.
She should be grateful for any help you gave her and your niece. It sounds like your sister has become way too comfortable with expecting help from you. She’s thirty, not sixteen. She’s not entitled to get help from you (whether it’s financial or access to your car).
You are well within your rights to put your foot down and focus on yourself. Her life is her life and you’re allowed to do what you want for your life. Maybe cutting her off will be the best thing to motivate her to do better for herself and her child.” KittyGurl212
15. AITJ For Helping My Stepdaughter With Her First Period?
“I (25F) am married to Jake (31M). Jake has 1 daughter (10F) Lacey. Lacey and I have a really good relationship and I truly do love her.
Lacey’s mom (34F) Jill doesn’t like me.
She thinks that while she and Jake were married I was sleeping with him. Which isn’t true at all.
Last weekend Lacey got her period. She was really freaked out and scared. She didn’t even know what a period was and had no knowledge of it.
I helped her out and explained some things to her but nothing too deep, so her mom could explain them. I did notify her mom and Jake, who was at work.
The next day Jill texted me a paragraph saying that it wasn’t my place to help Lacey out with her period and accused me of trying to replace her as Lacey’s mom.
I told her no and that wasn’t what I was trying to do at all, but she didn’t listen.
Jake said that I’m not in the wrong and I only did what was best, but other people are telling me that I could have let her mom do all the other things.
(To clarify I didn’t explain the birds & the bees, I only told her the basics of what to do when you’re on your period, how to use the pad correctly, etc. The reason I didn’t drop her off at her mom’s was because she didn’t want to go over there, and her mom lives an hour and 30 minutes away.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom’s mostly upset she missed a huge milestone, it’s not your fault it happened with you. You gave Lacey the basics and left the rest for Mom and Dad, you did the right thing. Letting her bleed for nearly 2 hours to her mom’s with no explanation would’ve traumatized the poor kid and made her feel like you’re grossed out by her.
I say this as a woman who got her first period at 9 years old, had no idea what a period was, and also did not happen with mom. Keep supporting her when she needs you, you’re doing fine.” TastefulDisgrace
Another User Comments:
“GIVE ME A BREAK!
The other people expect you to, what, just ignore the poor girl? Shove her in a car and drive her an hour and a half away to somewhere she doesn’t want to be to have a basic freaking discussion about how to handle having a period?!?
That’s freaking crazy to me. To all of the people complaining at you? Ask them what they would have done. You have someone who’s bleeding and freaked out and doesn’t want to drive an hour and a half. Would they have left them alone to suffer and deal with it on their own?
If they say yes, then you know exactly who you should never allow to watch any kids you might have in the future. You did the right thing. NTJ from start to finish to me.” Lurkingentropy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did everything right. While being as respectful as you could be to Jill, you were there for Lacey, and that is who everyone in this situation should be worried about.
Instead of Jill focusing on her rights and privileges and getting all mama bear territorial on you maybe she should take a minute to be concerned for her child. A scared 10-year-old going through something she needed help with. Maybe she could try to be a little thankful, that someone was there who cared enough about Lacey, that Lacey obviously trusted enough to seek comfort from in a very emotional situation.
You were there for Lacey, and that is what should matter.
This is why being a step-parent is the most difficult, thankless job in the world. Yes I know there are definitely those that overstep, and clear boundaries need to be drawn with those people.
Most step-parents are just trying to do their best, just like most parents. It stings as a parent to miss out on milestones. I had to see my son ride a bike without training wheels for the first time on a video my ex-wife sent, on a bike her partner bought for my son.
Of course it kind of stung, I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have been the one pushing that bike. But I wasn’t. Getting territorial and arguing with my wife’s SO just hurts my kids. They can’t be expected to live their lives half the time when I have them.
I can’t save up experiences for their mom when they just happen. Ultimately I have to keep in mind it’s about the kids, and their experiences and be happy and grateful that there are people in their lives who care enough to give them attention and be there for them when I am not.
Jill needs to get that through her head. You don’t have to read many posts to find parents who completely abandoned their kids for a new love interest and who had no interest in playing any parental role. It’s incredibly sad, but it sounds like you are trying to do it right and that is eminently commendable.” WayUWearUrHat
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Birthday Party With My Nephew?
“I (13F) and my sister’s (28F) son (11 months M) were both born in July just 2 weeks apart. My sister and I never had a good relationship because of our age gap.
I always celebrated my birthdays alone until this year when my mom asked me if it would be okay to share a birthday with my nephew. I asked why. She then went on about how much I love him and how much money it will save for my sister.
I told her I would think about it. Until yesterday when the family was at our house, my sister was saying how happy she was that I agreed to share a party with my nephew and that I “said” he could have it to himself instead of it even being my party.
I got mad and said that I never agreed to that. She called me a liar asking if I didn’t love my nephew. I was already mad at this point. I told her to go away and to not guilt trip me just because I don’t want to share a party with my nephew.
She called me a jerk and a liar. My mom later blew up on me saying that I was mean for making the whole situation about me and not wanting my sister or nephew to be happy.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is wrong with your family???!!!
Who in the world wants to share their birthday with an infant? Of course this is about you. This is about your birthday! You don’t want your nephew to be happy? Like he even knows what a birthday is? What is happening is that your sister doesn’t want to shell out money for her kid’s birthday so she wants your mom to pay for it and you give up celebrating your birthday so it is all about him.
Talk about selfish!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – 13 is a big birthday! You’re finally coming into your teens, and that’s a big change. You shouldn’t have to share your birthday with someone who won’t even remember it, so why do they have to have a big party for him?
Surely you could all just come together, get a couple of cheap decorations from Dollar Tree, and have a cake for those who can eat it? It doesn’t need to be expensive, your birthday I would say definitely should have priority, you’re 1000% not the jerk and I wish you the happiest early birthday in the world!
Hope you have a lovely day regardless of what happens!” Professional_Rain739
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – are your parents saying they will pay for a party but only one? If it was something like a family BBQ where they were going to sing Happy Birthday to both of you and share a cake then the request isn’t unreasonable.
If it is an actual party with your friends invited then it is a bit weird. What sort of party were you planning? Birthday parties seem to have changed a lot from when I was attending them in the 80s – cake and games with 8-10 friends at our house and loot bags at the end.
Can’t remember if my younger brother and sister attended or took part other than to eat cake. When we turned 10(?) we changed to having 2 friends for a sleepover instead. I don’t think I had parties after I was about 12 and maybe just went to a movie or something with a couple of friends.
I’m sure your friends would be… thrilled… to be sharing a party with a baby…” WobblyBob75
13. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Pay $800 Rent In My House?
“I’m a 26-year-old male and I work for UPS. I only started this job about 3 years ago. Within a year, I got promoted from part-time to full-time. Getting paid well and having full benefits! Life has been great!
During this time, I still lived at home.
Both my parents are in their late 50s and are getting close to retirement. When I first got hired, they asked if they could charge $600 a month for rent (all things included). I said of course and I even helped out with groceries every other week so it wouldn’t be too much of a burden.
Then I moved up from part-time to full-time and they asked if they could increase my rent from $600 to $1200 a month. I made good money so I said sure, no big deal!
My parents recently sold the house we live in for a good price.
With this, they will be able to fully pay off all their bills and still have some left over for whatever they want to do. My dad, who works at the same job, is considering retirement early next year. With the house sold, we all talked and figured it was about time I got a place of my own.
They also bought a $30k trailer just in case things didn’t work out (important later).
To be honest, I wasn’t fully prepared, since I just got my classic car repainted not long ago. So I hardly had any money in my savings. My parents told me that they would help with the down payment if they could rent from me for a while until my dad retired. I said okay, but I didn’t feel comfortable just them giving me that much money, so we wrote an agreement that I would give them my 1991 Jeep in exchange for part of the money ($6-7k).
They agreed and we started looking. Since I work so much and don’t get home until late, my mom has been doing the majority of the looking. She found a nice home that (with current interest rates) would cost about $1800 a month for the mortgage.
I put my offer in and it was accepted!
Since I bought the house, my mom has been not so subtly hinting that SHE wants the master bedroom. And that SHE is going to be doing upgrades. Yeah, the house is dated. But I’m not approving of how she thinks it’s her house.
So today we discussed rent.
I sat down with both my parents and explained my thoughts and why I think they should pay the amount I requested. Now with everything. What do you think I asked of them? Since they have helped me out: I asked $800 a month.
My dad laughed in my face and said, “That’s too much money” and my mom agreed with him! I stared at them both and asked, “Okay? What do you think is fair?” They responded that they would pay $500 a month and my mom added “And that’s with the master bedroom.” I was speechless and we got into an argument.
After 5 minutes, I told them both that if they couldn’t afford my price, then they should stay in the trailer that they just bought. My mom called me a jerk and I left the room.
Later, I told my brother and he said that I was the jerk for asking that much in rent when they are so close to retirement.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were one person renting a room from them and they asked $1200 a month. Now they are two people renting a room from you and you are only asking $800 a month. They are getting a deal based on the amount of money they gifted you for the down payment.
But otherwise, it’s the same rent you were paying just for two people instead of one. This seems more than fair. Also, they do not get the master, it’s your house. If your mother wants a larger bedroom she’s more than welcome to rent somewhere else but I’m guessing that would be super expensive for them.
They sold their house, it’s unreasonable for them to expect to get the biggest bedroom in your home. That room goes to the owner, you. It seems that your parents want to treat you like a kid when it’s to their advantage but you’re an adult and they need to respect your rights and property.
Also, don’t let them make changes you have not approved, it may be to their tastes and not yours which will cost you more to fix later on. Make sure you have all this in writing before they move in, it’s the adult thing to do (remind your mom of that).” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“I think the judgment here really depends on how much they put up for the deposit on the property and what the rental market is like in your area – also if we’re talking an RV movable trailer or if they bought in a park and are paying their own mortgage as well.
I do think your mother is being unreasonable expecting the master. I live in a multigenerational home with my mother, 20-year-old brother, husband, and three kids, and my father lives on the property but not in the house – when we moved in my mom offered us the master but we took the basement (because it’s finished and sort of like a two-bedroom apartment without a kitchen) and because I couldn’t fathom kicking her out of the master.
We’ve discussed purchasing the property from my parents and it’s understood if we did that then we would discuss further the rooming situations.” Becsbeau1213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are jerks and they are taking advantage of you. While $800 a month to live with him was a bit much, $1,200 was ridiculous but you did it.
Now not only is your mother trying to hijack your house and take over your bedroom they laughed in your face when you told him that you wanted them to pay rent. You need to throw them out immediately and this is not going to end well if they continue to live there.
I’m sure you are beginning to feel resentful by now and they figure they can just keep taking advantage of you.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Telling My Financially Irresponsible Brother He's Acting Like A Man-Child?
“My brother (20M) has a fiancée (21F) who he’s had a child with (8 months M). There’s NOTHING wrong with starting a family early if that’s what you choose and there’s nothing wrong with accidental pregnancies and such. I want to preface by saying that.
That’s not what I’m angry about here. What I’m angry about is the fact that my brother is the worst possible person to be a father due to his incompetence and financial irresponsibility. We’re all native, and when we turn 18 we get a trust fund from our tribe.
My brother got $70k before tax. He’s 20. He’s only recently turned 20. He’s spent all his trust fund money. On what? A fancy car.
And now he and his fiancée are both living with us. Us. A lower-middle-class family. Where my mom has to work long hours to put dinner on the table.
Where it’s 6 people living in a 2-bedroom apartment. And he refuses to work. He doesn’t even do chores. He sits around and games and watches his kid whenever his precious fiancé leaves for a little bit. He’ll even dump the kid onto me and my mom sometimes.
The most this dude does is go to colleges like twice a week. Sometimes he even skips that. When asked to do chores, he dumps them onto me. When told to do them himself BY OUR MOTHER he yells and throws a fit. He’s disrespecting our MOTHER.
The woman who spent hours birthing us and is willing to destroy herself to keep all of us afloat.
One day I got really annoyed and told him the truth. That he’s financially irresponsible and acts like a man-child. I even told him that I, a 17-year-old, have to go to school every day yet I still manage to hold a job for $11/hour to help out so he genuinely has no excuse.
Apparently, the fact that I, his younger brother, am more responsible than he is was enough to make him go crazy. He took his fiancée and his child and ran to his fiancée’s grandma’s house. He’s come back now, but still won’t talk to me.
My mom agrees with what I said but won’t defend me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But can he sell the 70k car for maybe a 15k one and get his own apartment? Or is he too incapable? I wouldn’t let him live with you and your mom.
If he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get to eat, sleep or game there. Those should be the rules. Your mom has some tough love to dish out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming you’ll also get this fund when you turn 20? Be ready for him to ask for it.
Your mother doesn’t want to cause any problems. She doesn’t realize that the reason there are problems now is because she didn’t do anything to stop them in the first place.” NotHisRealName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think from your post that you truly believe what you said.
Therefore there really shouldn’t be a question about that. Your brother’s decision to not speak to you is his choice. I know you might feel a certain type of way about your mom not defending you but you should try to look at it from her pov.
There is not really much defending needed. You know what you said was true and so does everyone else. Your brother included. The thing about relationships is that we teach people how to treat us. Your brother is upset because he now has to face the fact that he is and has been irresponsible.
You pointed out some very uncomfortable truths.
Now how you and your mom respond to him will determine how your relationship goes from here. If you bend over backward to appease him, then things will likely only get worse. So I advise you to stick to your guns and if your brother is mad at you for telling him the truth, you be mad at him for being an overall jerk to your family.
So if he doesn’t do his chores or is ignoring his responsibilities in other ways, you should most certainly continue to let him know. In a few months time you will have to make some serious decisions about your own life. So this is incredibly important.
Will you move out on your own or will you stick around and basically be supporting his irresponsibility by picking up the slack (ostensibly for your mom)? These are decisions you have to make. Your mom on the other hand has to consider her wants and desires and what she thinks is worth attempting to keep or gain them.
Your mom probably wishes your brother was more responsible but still wants him and her grandchild in her life. So she deals with things the best way she knows how, even if that is by ignoring them. I wish you and your family the best of luck.” SonOfSet1
11. AITJ For Not Attending My Abusive Uncle's Funeral?
“My (20F) uncle (63M) passed away recently and I chose not to attend the funeral or any other ceremonies or religious observances.
The reason being, this man hated me up until I was 18 years old. We lived in a dual family home so he was always around. He would make fun of me to my face, disregard me, ignore me, and show blatant hatred. No one did anything and I cried a lot.
He would even make up stories and complain to my parents that I was disrespectful to him or stole things from his room (I was like 5). As I got older, he stopped being as actively disrespectful and it became more subtle.
When I was 16, we all visited our home country in Asia.
I was wearing basketball shorts that reached above my knee to walk from my aunt’s house to my grandparents’ (about 100m). In front of everyone, my uncle said to me “you can wear shorts like that in but there’s no need to show off your brand-new legs here.” No one said anything and even my mom yelled at me later for bringing attention to myself.
2 years ago, he did a complete 180 and would give me cash gifts, try to have conversations, cook together – try to have a relationship. I didn’t want tension so I just went along with it.
Fast forward to now, he died and I decided to not get involved with the funeral. My entire family is really mad at me and my parents are urging me to let things go since things got better eventually.
Am I the jerk here and being dramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no one can force you to go if you really don’t feel like it. You can try to look at it differently and be there solely to support your other relatives, but that too is up to you.
You have to make this decision for yourself and you need to be willing to accept and live with whatever consequences there may be for either choice.” Zagriel55
Another User Comments:
“Huh, 2 years ago you say and you’re 20 now? I wonder if it has anything to do with you becoming legal at this point.
Could be just him trying to buy you with gifts because he suddenly had a revelation what a jerk he’s been to you forever or maybe he wanted to get something from you. Not necessarily himself, but maybe some weird friends of his or something like that.
Maybe it was something completely different, but this whole “He started being friendly when I was 18” plus “Don’t show off your legs” shines a VERY weird light on him in my opinion. NTJ.” Lotex_Style
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You have no obligation to honor someone who caused you so much pain.
I will say that sometimes we do things we don’t want to do for others, especially family. I’m certainly not saying you should have gone, screw him, but you could have gone to support your parents. Most def NTJ but don’t underestimate taking the high road, it can feel pretty great in the end.” SluggoJones
10. AITJ For Calling The Campus Police On My Roommate's Partner?
“A week ago, my (20F) roommate (20F) tried to get me and two of my friends arrested.
The three of us were sitting on my dorm room bed, me with my two friends (20M) and (21F). The one who is of age had bought a bottle of wine, and the three of us were drinking it and watching a movie.
My roommate called campus police on us and said she was going to get us all arrested and get my friend who was drinking underage kicked out of the military.
He enlisted two years ago when he turned 18. This didn’t happen, though that was her goal.
The other night, her partner was banging on our door in the middle of the night asking for his watch or something. My roommate wasn’t home. I called campus police and reported that a strange man was banging on my door aggressively.
My roommate screamed at me about it when she got home. She said “what the heck is wrong with you that you’d call the police” and I said “because I don’t like you.” She followed me around, and I locked her out of my room so she couldn’t come in through the common room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate sucks. Who the heck does she think she is? You were right to call campus police on her partner even if you did like her because he was banging on your door in the middle of the night. Is there someone you can complain to?
Start noting down dates/times of things she does/says so that you have a record if things escalated.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but I’m actually leaning slightly more toward you being the jerk. And here’s why. You did this just because you don’t like her.
You even admitted that verbatim. In doing so, you’ve thrown your being right out the window. Police involvement is dangerous and risky. People die from having the cops called on them on a regular basis. “Because I don’t like you” is not an acceptable excuse for exposing someone to that risk.
In the future, only use the police when you are doing so out of concern for your safety, NOT just to be a Petty Betty. You were justified until you ruined it for yourself. Since this happened at college, use this opportunity to learn from this and grow up.” itsjustmo_
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What time was it when the partner was banging on your door? Was he angry and/or out of control? Was he really being aggressive? How long did he bang on the door? Did you have reason to believe that he knew your roommate was gone?
How well do you know this man – is he an actual stranger or someone you’ve only met once or twice, or do you know him well enough that you could have let him in? There are a whole lot of people in this thread making what I see as nonsense assumptions about what you did and calling it retaliation.
I’d like to know for sure before rendering judgment.” PurpleAntifreeze
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Friend To School Anymore?
“For the last 2 weeks, I (18f) have been driving Ben (18m) to/from school because he crashed his car.
I live right by the school, and he lives about 3 miles away. This wasn’t an issue at first, but it’s become a problem because he likes to go home at lunch, so this means I’m driving 12-18 miles/day for him.
He gave me $15 for gas the other day after an argument over him not paying me for gas, and he never offers to/doesn’t feel he should have to.
I have not asked for gas money very much because I feel guilty doing so, and I feel that I shouldn’t have to ask for that, he should just do it.
Yesterday I asked him to talk to one of our friends, Sam about driving him because Ben is on his route to school anyway.
Sam leaves for school earlier than we do, around 7:30-7:45 (we leave at 8-ish) Ben said he can ride with Sam on Mondays when he leaves at 7:45 but not the rest of the week because he doesn’t want to wake up earlier. Ben could also take the bus, but he doesn’t like to.
I understand that not wanting to wake up earlier is a stupid reason, but if he doesn’t want to, he either won’t or will accidentally sleep in.
In our school, we can have 10 unexcused absences/semester. If we have more, we will have to come back next year (we’re seniors).
Ben already has his 10 for 1st hr., so he can’t miss any more. If I refuse to drive him, it basically guarantees that he will miss 1st hr and he won’t get his diploma. I feel like the jerk because we graduate in 2 weeks and I could keep driving him, but it’s caused so many issues already and I can’t afford to drive all that way every day without him paying me for gas.
I’ve tried telling myself it’s his problem, but as his friend, I feel an obligation to help him in any way I can.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are being taken advantage of. As it’s only for two more weeks (and if you are happy to carry on) you need to tell Ben two things 1) lunch is now at school unless he finds another way to get home and back 2) from now on he gives you the exact amount of money he is costing you in fuel.
Good luck I am rubbish at standing up for myself.” Ejclincoln
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want to help your friend but you’ll wind up enabling his lazy behavior. He needs to learn gratitude and responsibility and instead, he’s milking this and leeching off the kindness of others.
Don’t let him become more entitled than he already is. Honestly, I’d have told him to get bent the second he acted like he was entitled to this. Pathetic behavior. You have to go out of your way for him cause he won’t meet you in the middle?
Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of. This is a nonsense arrangement and you’re being used.” GiveBirthSurfAndTerf
Another User Comments:
“You are not Ben’s caretaker. You are not responsible for Ben and him getting to school on time. His parents are responsible for their son!
It sounds like you are concerned about confrontation. So let’s come up with excuses. Driving home for lunch – Sorry, I can’t do it today, I have a test coming up that I need to study for. My parents are putting their foot down about me driving the car so much, gas being so expensive and all.
I don’t have money for gas. I have an appointment after school. I have to be at school early to talk to a certain teacher. Ben needs to get his behind on the bus!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
8. AITJ For Throwing Out My Neighbor's Grill That Was Causing Health Issues?
“I live on the 2nd floor with two roommates and one dog. Obviously, it’s against our lease agreement to BBQ outside of designated areas. Our downstairs neighbor has decided he’s an exception and has taken up the hobby of grilling over an open flame, but not in the designated areas.
He does this directly under the balconies above, and–get this–he likes to just have a fire going inside the grill a la firepit all evening for the, I presume, ambiance.
Needless to say, our apartment fills with smoke. One of my roommates gets migraines and pukes.
The other just gets sick. All of our clothes and furniture smell like smoke, and we have a dog that definitely shouldn’t be breathing that in. We’ve already called and emailed and complained to both leasing and the fire dep, but he just kept doing it.
The final straw was when he kept it burning until like 4 am. So we took matters into our own hands and waited until night the next day and just threw the darn grill in the dumpster. Do note it was nothing crazy expensive, just one of those cheap grills that you can get in Walmart for like $30.
This whole week we’ve heard him asking around about what happened to his grill and trudging around in an irritated way, but no one has said anything.
AITJ for throwing away the grill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would have done the same exact thing.
The landlord and fire department weren’t being effective. What are you supposed to do? Not be able to breathe in your own apartment? Wait until your dog needs an emergency vet visit? Screw that. As a woman, I also wouldn’t have risked confronting him directly, leaving notes was enough.
Committing what barely constitutes petty theft to prevent an apartment fire is beyond justified.” nothingbutreddead
Another User Comments:
“You are a RIGHTEOUS JERK! Going to management would probably end in some type of retaliation. Make sure you and your roommates NEVER SPEAK of this. Next time go to management because you will get caught.
But 100% RIGHTEOUS JERK! (get some renters insurance because it’s idiots like them that cause apartment fires.)” steamingpileofpooh
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He obviously wasn’t being mindful of any neighbors and was being rude, but I’m not sure if it’s ok to just…
throw someone’s items away. You’ve tried calling leasing and the fire dep, but have you tried just talking to him and figuring out a compromise?” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Giving My Husband An Ultimatum About Caring For My Elderly Mother And Disabled Brother?
“I (35F) and my husband (40M) have been together for 15 years off and on. Married for 3 and we have two kids. Since the beginning, he has known about my older brother who is disabled (cerebral palsy, quadriplegic), and about my elderly mother.
I am the youngest of 4. I have always been clear that there will be a time when I will have to care for them both. My two older brothers will also take on the responsibility. We will each care for them a few months out of the year so they are not a burden on any one of us.
Well, that time is approaching, my mom recently had a conversation with us 3 siblings about how she will need to start getting help from us permanently as she is getting too old to take care of my brother on her own. She is 74 years old and currently lives in our home country where she does have help from one of my cousins who lives with her.
He is the one who mainly takes care of my mom.
Now, the issue arises that since we will need to start taking care of them on a more permanent basis, my husband does not want to have them in our home for months at a time.
He and my mom have had their issues in the past but he does recognize that she has helped us a lot with the girls. My mom took care of my oldest and did not have to take her to daycare nor pay for it as she would never charge us for watching her grandbaby.
He feels that we would lose our privacy and that my mom would nag us. Now, my siblings and I do not want to put her and my brother in a nursing home or anything like that.
So AITJ for telling my husband that if he didn’t like it then he would have to leave?
I do recognize that I said that in the heat of the moment as this is not new to him. He has always known that at some point I would be caring for them. I even told him this before we decided to get married and he was on board.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Was this also discussed in the context of you two having kids? To me, if it was factored in with you having kids then you’re NTJ, but if it hasn’t been factored in with you having kids then YTJ.
Full-time caring for your disabled brother and elderly mother is going to take a great deal of time and energy, time and energy that is potentially going to be sacrificed with your kids.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one, but I have to go no jerks here.
I understand you wish to help with your mom and brother, and I get where you’re coming from with having told your husband this from the beginning. But I also understand where your husband is coming from. You’re wanting to bring two more adults into the house for extended periods of time.
Adults that are both going to need care or assistance. You already have two children in the house and you and your husband. Do you have the space for two more adults to have their own privacy? How much will this increase living costs in the household?
Are you and your husband going to bear the brunt of the cost increase? If your husband’s parents end up needing help down the line, are you going to welcome them in as well? And I hate to ask, but one day down the line when your mother passes, your brother is still going to need care and it will then fall solely on you two.
There’s a lot to consider, this is a huge decision. I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to help, although the ultimatum was not very kind. But I don’t think your husband is wrong for not wanting to give up his space to help care for two grown adults either.” Fun-Rip-4502
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As someone who is currently a caregiver, moving 2 people around to new homes every few months is going to get real old, real fast. Not only that but it’s very disruptive to them. You say home country; how far away is it?
Is the plan to move them permanently to the country you all are living in? Are you going to move back home? Are all of your homes set up to handle a quadriplegic AND an elderly woman who may have mobility issues? If not, what will it take to retrofit them?
There is a whole host of other options between putting them in a nursing home and having them live with you permanently. Everyone, including spouses, need to sit down and be honest about what it’s going to take to manage their care and whether or not it is actually feasible.” terpischore761
6. AITJ For Giving My Brother A Deadline To Move Out After He Took Advantage Of Our Generosity?
“My brother and his fiance moved in recently from out of state. He was tired of making pennies and asked for my husband to set him up at the local dealership he works at. He knew in early May he got the job and he, then eventually his fiance, moved in with us.
My husband and I support a multigenerational household (us, my mother, our son) and several dogs and cats. When moving in, we chose not to ask for any money from them because we thought this was a brief few weeks and didn’t want to add a financial barrier to finding their new home.
Once he moved in, he’s done nothing but complain about this new job… and instead of apartment hunting, spent his free time finding a new job instead of finding a place to live. It’s going on 7 weeks and they’ve yet to apply for a lease out place a deposit.
My husband and I are putting off essential pet care appointments and necessary purchases because of the additional financial strain of food & water. There’s also not great communication from my brother and I constantly have to pull information out of our mother to learn what his plans are.
I told him at dinner tonight that I expected to hear updates from him about his plans to move out and he was petty. It resulted in an argument and my mother taking his side… but didn’t we roll out the red carpet for him at our own sacrifice?
I gave him until August 1 to move out (12 weeks since he started his new job). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to be explicit as to how firm you are on August 1, and give him milestones to meet between now and then. By July 14, he has to show you a signed rental contract; by July 20, he has to show proof of moving arrangements.
He wants to act like a little baby by running to mommy, so you should treat him accordingly.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Though I understand the economy is horrible and finding a good paying job can be hard, you should’ve never offered a free stay.
Even giving you $20 here and there is better than nothing. But also sounds like brother needs to grow up. Be very firm on your date and let them know they will find their things outside or in a storage unit if they are not out by that time.
Your family has to come first.” Longjumping-Bet5293
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s dragging his feet & taking advantage of you. Your mother has no place in this conversation so her opinion is moot. You gave him plenty of notice. If he can’t get his stuff together in 5 weeks, kick him to the curb.
Let him go stay with your mother. That’s way too long of a time to be hosting moochers.” NOTTHATKAREN1
5. AITJ For Showing Up Late To Meet A Girl?
“I’m a guy who recently got back into the romance scene after swearing off it almost 3 years ago. I’m in a big metro city so there are a lot of options here. So I got a match through an event. Started texting the girl and planning a meetup.
She couldn’t make it on Thursday so wanted to know if Friday worked for me. I said no cause initially I was going out of town for that weekend. But I sprained my ankle on Thursday night and was in too much pain so dropped the plan.
After icing my ankle all Friday morning, I felt good enough to reach out and schedule a date with her Friday night at 7 pm since I was free. Now, I don’t go on many dates so I was excited and decided to override the slight pain in the ankle.
I dressed up, took the subway, and got to the location before time only to realize that although the name was the same, the actual location was about 2 miles off. I had already texted her by then of my arrival and she said that she was running behind slightly.
I thought no biggie, I’ll wait before I realized the mess up.
Texted her that I was at the wrong location, apologized for any delay, and started running (stupidly disregarding my sprained ankle) to catch a connecting train. I was about 10 away when she texted that she’d reached our meetup point and asked where I was.
I told her like 10 away and she replied that she couldn’t wait and that she was leaving. I was jumping turnstiles tryna catch my train. By the time I saw the message (barely 2 minutes had passed), I was barely a stop away. I texted her, apologized profusely, and asked her to wait for just a bit since I was almost there.
She replied, “I left. Sorry.” I asked her if we could reschedule for another day. No reply.
I got off the train at the designated meetup spot, stunned slightly. In a daze, I took another random train cause I had no other plan for the evening.
On the train, I was suddenly overcome by emotion. I had been on two dates recently where the girl was late by 20-30 minutes on average. Both times, I waited for them, didn’t kick up a stink when I met them, accepted their apology (not needed), and had a great time with them.
So I broke down on the train slightly because I was confused.
Either I was a jerk now and the girls earlier were also jerks or I was a doormat who willingly let people waste my time. Needless to say, neither scenario is appealing to me and my self-esteem (which was already low due to lack of dating) is now in the capper.
I’m an average-looking guy so dates are few and far between. This experience has sorta maligned my past dates too now in hindsight. I’m not looking for sympathy or trying to malign that girl. Some people are punctual and tardiness could be a dealbreaker.
But since I’m assuming she had already set a couple of hours aside for the date, what was the harm in waiting a few minutes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, tardiness is a crappy move, no matter the gender, since it shows a general disrespect for other people’s time.
But this wasn’t that. There was an honest mistake due to the mixup in locations and if you explained that to her, she should have accepted that explanation/apology. The other two “ladies” however, who let you wait for around 20-30 minutes better have had darned good excuses besides “Oh sorry, forgot the time” or some nonsense.
Letting someone wait for 30 minutes is incredibly rude. Otherwise yes, they were definite jerks. But that is not on you either and no reason to feel bad about yourself. Don’t project other people’s shortcomings onto yourself. If they don’t make the effort, that doesn’t mean you’re not worth it, it just means they were crappy people and you probably dodged bullets there.” TheCrazyCatGentleman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I had a friend that was usually 5-10 minutes late frequently and without a valid excuse and would not bother to text an update. Once she came 30 minutes late to meet me at a buffet and blew her lid at me daring to start eating.
I was on time (occasionally a few minutes) and then was 15 minutes late for a dinner because of an accident causing a traffic jam. I texted her. She responded that she was hungry so I told her to go ahead and order and what I wanted. When I got there she snapped, “I’m not your freaking server and don’t ever be late again.” Mind you we aren’t seeing other but only friends.
I should have walked out but didn’t cause I’m a coward. Instead, I just dropped her from my friend’s list and didn’t ever hang out with her other than in group outings. When asked I told her and she tried apologizing but I didn’t care.” AtomicBlastCandy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However – jumping turnstiles with a sprained ankle ain’t what should be done cause think about if that really cashed you out again. It seems like it has a similar link to texting that you could go out at night instead of waiting for the heal and organically setting up your best self for a time that works for you.
I think you may have dodged a narcissist to be honest so it’s prob the universe trying to mess you up with that ankle biz to stay away from this creature. It’s hard to tap into that vibe when you’re running around trying to get wherever.
Heck, a subway can make you late for reasons beyond the average mode of transit just cause of your proximity to people. So you could be more apt and able to leave early and hopefully get there on time or notice it’s the wrong spot in time or you could investigate this person’s worth in your life a bit more in texts beforehand and find some sort of judgment barrier that eliminates people without certain overhauls of negative emotional behavior.
I think you got saved. I ran around once so much for a no-show ghost and took the money I was gonna use and bought new shoes to remind me not to do that crap lol.” Professional-Rich-78
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stand In For My SO's Daughter's Mom In The Mother-Daughter Picture?
“I (27F) have been with my partner (32M) for almost 3 years.
He has 2 kids from a previous divorce and I am very heavily involved in his kids’ lives; as in they are with their mom the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of each month but the rest of the time, they are with us. I love and care for the kids, and I don’t usually hesitate to be there for anything that they might need. For example, both kids are in sports and I am always showing up to games and practices, whereas their mom does not.
On her weekends, she rarely even takes the kids to the games but instead relies on other people. That is fine; that is between her and the kids. But now, I find myself in need of advice.
One of the kids’ (we’ll call her L and she is 9) coaches texted that they want all the moms and players to be there early before the game this Saturday, to take a group photo for Mother’s Day.
My partner asked me if I was okay with going to be in the photo because he didn’t feel that their mom would be there. At that time, I immediately said no because I felt uncomfortable; then he proceeded to command me “we are going.” After gathering my thoughts, I firmly said no and expressed that I didn’t feel right doing this because:
I am not L’s mom, though I love and care for the kids. I don’t want to put the child in a position where it’s weird or awkward for her, because she already questions if she’ll have to call me mom when we get married, and on top of that, their mom constantly tells them “I don’t want her to replace me” “I don’t want y’all to have another mom.” It’ll also totally be awkward if their mom is already there to take the photo with her.
I don’t want to force this type of stuff on the kids to where it becomes unnatural and it makes it hard to create a stronger bond with the girls.
I would hate for L’s mom to not be there and her not having anyone to take a photo with, but I also would hate to put her in a position where she thinks “well why are you even in the photo, you aren’t my mom”.
I am up for being there, on standby, just in case their mom does not show up, but even then, I will still want to ask L if she would like me to be in the photo instead of just doing it. She may be just a kid, but I believe that there are still boundaries that need to be respected.
Even after explaining this, my partner is seemingly upset with me because he feels that I have been there for his kids more than his ex has and I should be there for pictures. I think my reasons are pretty valid. I let him know that he needs to speak with his ex and ensure that she is aware of the Mother’s Day photos, as well as let him know that I’m willing to stand by just in case her mom is not there for photos.
But AITJ for feeling this way and trying to respect his child’s boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not immediately saying yes. Doing this is setting a precedent in the child’s life and yours. I think you should tell your partner that this is somewhat crossing a line and it may also cause issues with their bio mom.
If she’s someone who might kick up a fuss, don’t do it because it will probably cause issues for the kid. If L wants you in the photo though? Or she expressed she feels you’re more her mom? I would consider it. But I think you need to explain to your partner how you don’t want to put L in an awkward position with her mother getting mad at her for this.
You’re definitely being really good at setting appropriate boundaries with both L and her mother. And I mean, I don’t know how serious a relationship this is but you’re not even L’s stepmother–you’re still just her father’s partner.” Keeshberger16
Another User Comments:
“At 9 years old, I’d ask the child what she wants.
After 3 years of being heavily involved in her life, you are a stepmum. Whether you go and say, I’ll be there in case mum doesn’t turn up and be like a stand-in, or the child asks you to go you can cover both those situations.
Heck, there is nothing wrong with either you or mum being in the photo or you and mum being in the photo depending on what kiddo wants. Families are no longer just mum, dad, and kids. There are all kinds of combinations. And that is absolutely fine.” nudul
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. That said, I think you should ask L’s opinion first – would she want you to be in the photo if her mom doesn’t show up? For that matter, if you’ve been there for the kids so much, L might want you in a picture even if her mom does show up, you know, one with mom and one with you.
I think it’s good that you don’t want to put L in an awkward position and that you’re trying not to force a bond with the kids. But at the same time, how can you respect L’s boundaries if you haven’t spoken with her to find out where they are?” MsCatstaff
3. AITJ For Cancelling My Daughter's Wedding Payments Because She Didn't Invite My Wife?
“My daughter (27F) is getting married in the fall. I (58M, her dad) am supposed to pay for the wedding, that’s what we agreed on. We got the save-the-date invitations a few days after I put the payments through my bank (they need to be approved, so no money has been paid yet).
My wife isn’t invited to the wedding. I have been divorced for 15 years and married to my wife now for 8 years. My daughter never really liked my wife, they didn’t get along well. My other two kids love her.
I called my daughter and asked her why my wife isn’t invited. She said that it’s her wedding day and she only wants to invite her real family.
I said “well did you invite Mom’s partner?” and she said yes. I said, “well okay, then you should invite my wife too, or I am not paying for the wedding.”
She declined and said she isn’t inviting my wife. I told her I’ll cancel the payments then, and she didn’t believe me.
I cancelled them and my daughter is now super angry at me, as is my ex-wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is being flat-out rude. And where she has the right to decide who’s invited, you have the right to decide not to pay.
Stick to your guns and I wouldn’t go back and agree to pay if she decides to invite your wife. She’ll take your money and make it difficult on your wife. She’s not going to suddenly decide to start playing nice. Let the mom’s partner pay.
She obviously thinks of him as family.” dmowad
Another User Comments:
“I am laughing at all the comments that are suggesting they support Dad having to pay in spite of the no-invite for his wife because the daughter may have a “good reason” for disliking his wife.
People here regularly tell people that if people do not like the strings being attached to a monetary gift, then don’t accept the gift. The daughter is fully within her rights to decide her guest list, agreed there. Dad is perfectly within reasonable assumptions to have not expected he would have to spell out that his paying is contingent on his wife being his plus one, given they have been married for 8 years.
The post suggests that dad & daughter have been in discussion about the wedding plans & his financial contributions to it for a while. That the daughter chose not to advise him upfront that she didn’t intend to invite his wife suggests she understood that this would be something her dad would be not happy about.
She was banking on it being too late for him to back out of paying by the time he was made aware. The only way the daughter would not be the jerk here would be if she had stated upfront that his wife would not be invited & Dad chose to gift money fully aware of this.
If he knew about it before he promised funds, THEN changed his mind, I’d agree he was a jerk.
As it stands, NTJ Dad – she is welcome to choose her guest list. And she is welcome to not accept the small strings he’s attached to his contributions towards the wedding (it’s not like he’s insisting on choosing the whole list or the venue or the menu or any of the other details that make a wedding).
But she doesn’t get to complain he won’t pay because his one condition is being rejected. She gambled, she lost. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If she can’t afford the wedding without Dad’s funds, then her choices are to allow the wife to come so that Dad pays OR change her plans to accommodate a smaller budget without Dad’s funds.
Her reasons for not wanting the wife there are irrelevant here.” PsiCoPenGuiN
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why doesn’t your daughter like your wife? Is it just a matter of “they don’t get along,” or was your daughter mistreated by her, or pushed to call her “Mommy” and told that she was being bad and selfish by not treating her as an equal or replacement for her actual mom when she didn’t feel comfortable with that?
If it’s just a matter of them not getting along, you might not be the jerk – but be prepared to have no relationship with your daughter going forward. Which do you love more, your daughter or your demands that she treat your wife as family?” Katja1236
2. AITJ For Wanting To Meet My Half-Sister Against My Estranged Father's Wishes?
“I, 36f have never had a relationship with my dad. The one time I met him he flat out told me that I am nothing more than a mistake he made at age 19. He lived a very affluent life while I was raised in abject poverty, (he never made financial contributions to my well-being).
Recently, his mother passed away. I have no idea how she found out about me because he hid the fact that I existed from his entire family. She left me, a not insubstantial amount of money in her will (now sitting in a college fund for my daughter).
This led several members of the family to question who I was and why she had left me money, forcing Dad to confess.
His do-over baby has contacted me and wants to fly over to meet. They live in the UK and I live in the U.S.
My dad has made it clear that he is against this because it will derail her college-bound path (she’s just turned 18).
I must admit I am curious as to what she’s like. WIBTJ if I met her despite Dad’s objections.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not your parent, he doesn’t even get an opinion on your life let alone control.
Really why he’s trying to pressure you into not meeting her is because he may lose his control over her when she sees he’s not just nasty with her. If she has more perspective on what he’s like she’s more likely to stop listening to him – signed a kid who was isolated from contrasting views by their parents so said parents would not be questioned.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Do you care if YTJ because you’d be meeting up with the do-over baby? I don’t think your ‘dad’ gets a say. Why would he all a sudden think that he matters and that his opinion carries weight? The fact that your ‘grandmother’ knew about you and left an inheritance speaks volumes.
Good for her…and you!! Start off the interaction with your sister on a very small scale and do no financial favors. Then reveal the truth.” LowArtichoke6440
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Meet her… his assumptions against you are his and his alone. He’s probably scared that if one meets you the rest of the family will want to at some point as well since they missed out on 36 years of your life plus a husband and 2 kids they would probably love to know!
You deserve to know your new family and honestly, it sounds like you’re amazing and he’s just mad that he’ll get more stuff once he finds out you are nothing like he assumed. Enjoy your visit!” Acelley5
1. AITJ For Letting My Little Brother Eat Whatever He Wanted While Babysitting?
“My (F21) parents told me to babysit my brother (M8) for a few hours. He asked me if he could eat an ice cream but he had already eaten one today and we were gonna eat dinner in an hour so I told him no and offered some fruit instead.
He told me he won’t listen to me because I’m not his parent and when I stopped him from eating ice cream he started crying. My parents came home to find him crying. We told them both sides of the story and they took his side, gave him an ice cream, and called me a “cruel sister” to make him cry.
The next day they left him with me again. I told them I don’t want to babysit but they know I’m not gonna leave him unsupervised so they just left.
He asked me for another ice cream and I decided not to be the “cruel sister” anymore and said sure, go ahead.
That day I let him eat whatever he wanted. He ate an ice cream, a bag of chips, an Oreo, and a soda. When my parents came back they were furious and called me a jerk for letting him eat so much junk food but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when he doesn’t even listen to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Calmly tell your parents that you will not babysit your brother because they have undermined your authority making this not only an unsafe situation (When they are not home your brother is rude to you and tells you that “he won’t listen to me because I’m not his parent” making you completely ineffectual which is a situation they have created)… but also it is an abusive no-win situation for you.
Their reactions show that when you either 1 say no or 2 not say no and let him do whatever he wants both end up with them shouting at you. That you are not prepared to do favors where the reward is getting shouted at by them and having your brother behave badly because they have made him aware that they will always take his side and you will be blamed for his behavior.
Say that they either need to pay someone else to babysit or they need to back you up when you do it. If they don’t trust you enough to be reasonable in applying restrictions then they shouldn’t leave him with you. If you don’t want to do that….as soon as he starts phoning them…say Brother says he doesn’t have to listen to me…you need to come back…brother is tucking into a 3rd ice cream you need to speak to him…brother has just done X.
When they say you need to deal with it you remind them that they have undermined you to the point that it is not possible for you to. If brother asks you for anything tell him to call them for a decision.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“I am 13 years older than my sister so when she was 5 I was 18. My little sister used to think we were the same age & used to get mad that I could drive but she wasn’t allowed to. Anyway, my stepdad used to always tell my sister “Your sis isn’t the boss – Mommy & Daddy are the boss.” So of course when they weren’t there & I told her to do something she would respond with “You’re not the boss.” Incredibly annoying.
The way I got through to my sister was by getting my mom to tell my sister to listen to me. If your parents are undermining you then yeah – your brother isn’t going to listen. Tell your parents that you need your brother to respect your authority when you are babysitting him which means that they can’t give in when he’s crying for something.
They need to have your back. If it helps my sister isn’t that big of a brat anymore so – they grow out of it. NTJ.” Illustrious-Age-4948
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are the jerk. Calling you a cruel sister and enabling his tantrum and bratty “you’re not my parent so I don’t have to listen to you” is terrible parenting.
They have made sure that even though you are 21 and the person they have entrusted to babysit, that you have no authority and that your spoiled brat brother doesn’t respect and listen to you. Your parents sound like they are raising him to be an emotionally manipulative disrespectful brat.
NTJ. Your parents created this situation with their disrespectful enabling actions.” pink4pink
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