People Grapple With Their Actions In These 'Am I A Jerk' Stories?
31. AITJ For Giving My Daughter A Second Phone To Avoid Her Mother's Obsessive Tracking?
“I am the father of a 17-year-old girl, Anna. Her mother and I got divorced because she started being very obsessive about knowing details of everything. Where I was going, who I was with, when I expected to be back. I had to check in every 10 minutes or she would freak out and call the cops.
It got to be too much and we divorced. Anna was very young when this happened and because of some prior criminal charges, I got full custody. I did however allow my ex to have Anna one weekend a month.
Anna’s first phone broke about a year back and my ex offered to buy her a new one.
I was more than okay with that because it’s a free phone, what’s the downside?
Well the downside is that my ex is doing the same thing to Anna now. If the tracking software shows she’s anywhere but my house, work, or school [before it let out for summer], she will panic.
Anna told me about this and how annoying it gets.
I talked to my ex and she said she would stop but Anna said that never happened. So I got a new phone for her without the tracking software. She leaves her mom’s phone at my house and will occasionally call or text her mom on it, but if she’s going out with friends she won’t bring it.
That was fine for about 2 weeks until they ran into each other at target and my ex figured out what was going on. She blew up at me, but I told her this is the reason we got divorced and I don’t want her to drive her own child away too.
She is claiming it’s negligent and it’s dangerous if she doesn’t know Anna’s safe because she could be dead, which seems like a bit of an overreaction in my eyes. I get safety, but she gets obsessive very quickly.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You got full custody, you are the one to legally decide if that tracking is on or off. Morally… Anna is 17, she’s nearly an adult. Tracking her is just plain invasive. You are right that this is the same pattern from your ex as what you went through.” brisemartel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly I think your ex clearly has a mental illness maybe PPD or even schizophrenia. I think the real issue here isn’t the phone, it’s your ex. She really needs to get help for her condition as otherwise she might get worse, with it becoming dangerous for her to be left alone with your daughter.
There have been cases where people with paranoid delusions take their children and go on the run as they think other people are out to get them.” RobynStellarxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex wife is going to stifle any trust your daughter has for her.
Tracking someone 24 hours a day is NOT healthy in any respect. She needs therapy for her obviously overwhelming anxiety, not more trackers on your daughter’s person. Whether she will or not, sadly, isn’t within your control. You may have to start checking your daughter’s things for airtags too, and be prepared to support your daughter if/when she decides she’s no longer going to entertain her mother’s presence in her life.
Unfortunately this seems like a likely outcome.” Panaccolade
30. AITJ For Asking My Co-worker To Stop Discussing Her Sexuality At Work?
“I’m an out lesbian. Obviously this comes with some hardships. Homophobia, straight girls “experimenting,” along with the fact that there’s several family members in my family and my partner’s family that we just… don’t get to talk to anymore.
It sucks, but I choose to look on the bright side.
Issue is, recently a new girl was hired at the office, who I’ll call Emma. Emma has proclaimed she’s bi, but couldn’t ever act on it because “it’s wrong.”
She uses me as a listening ear, very clearly because I’m another queer person. The thing is, I’m very happy and I’ve never considered my s*******y to be more than a small factor of life (it may be hard to believe bc I’m obviously posting about it lol) Emma, however, is very vocal about the fact that she wouldn’t ever date women and feels wrong about it.
It’s definitely internalized homophobia, but she tells me about it all. The. Time. She’ll say she’s happy for me and is LGBTQIA friendly, but she’ll follow it up with how, even though she’s bi she could just NEVER and how she’s still a Christian, so on, so forth.
Like like the same s*x is the worst thing. And it honestly feels super bad.
I haven’t felt bad about my s*******y since middle school, and these conversations make me feel like I should be ashamed.
I’m always down to be friends with coworkers, but I’m not a therapist. She’s not going to feel any better by confessing all her gayness and it definitely isn’t helping me.
I haven’t brought it up because when she first brought it up I thought it was one of those things you say once, get off your chest, and then move on, but it comes up often.
WIBTJ if I asked her not to bring it up and tell her it makes me feel bad?
I worry that she’ll feel judged or like her feelings aren’t valid, and my partner advised me that it could be a bad idea since she just started and may feel attacked.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Doesn’t matter the context. If she is talking about something s****l that makes you uncomfortable, it’s s****l harassment.
Even if it’s talking about her s****lity. Personally I’d go to HR and have it shut down immediately. It’s only going to get worse if you don’t draw the line. Christians are the worse for this kind of stuff.” Cheddar_Vader
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – coworkers need it businesslike and that’s it, what she’s doing is s****lizing the workplace, which is not OK. It’s actually an HR violation. If you guys go out after work for drinks and then you start talking about personal stuff, if that’s what you want to do, that’s different.
But at work, she needs to tone it down, and it’s OK to set boundaries and say “hey we’re at work, let stick to business.” The fact that she is blatantly homophobic is a whole different story, which is why she’s someone I wouldn’t hang out with after work, and then that problem is solved.” gnatdump6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Please tell me she said things in front of others. Do not go to HR until you have proof she initiates convo. Better would be there is a witness. Document the date and time she brings it up in your email calendar.
Tell your partner or another coworker. Then, ask her to stop. Document the date, time, etc. S****l harassment always goes bad. You have to protect yourself because she could be putting together a case to say you are the one in the wrong and she is the victim because everyone knows she’s a good Christian woman and would never do that.
Ugh I feel so bad for you and wish you luck.” Ok_Put_15
29. AITJ For Kicking Out My Controlling Partner Who Tracked Me With An AirTag?
“Partner (27) and I (F27) have only been seeing each other for about 5 months.
But we have known each other for longer. When we met, he knew I was moving to SC. He has always wanted to move there, so I asked him to come with me. Because we have only been seeing each other a few months, I told him we should live separately.
My dad owns a house in SC so I would be staying there and partner will find an apartment. Well the apartments in this town are crazy expensive and we knew he wouldn’t be able to afford them. He also doesn’t know anyone in SC so he couldn’t stay with a friend.
Because of this, I told him he could stay with me for a few months.
My partner has always had issues with trying to control me. It was something he has been working on. He has never been in a healthy relationship (or seen one) and he knows that.
For a little bit of background on my end, I was in a extremely abusive relationship at one point, and I told my current partner how bad it was. Well, yesterday partner and I got into an argument and he told me I was a “piece of trash” and I “deserved everything that happened” to me.
I was so upset and didn’t want him anywhere near me. I went out for a drive and got a notification someone was tracking my location via an air tag. Long story short, he hid an AirTag in the hood of my car. I called him and freaked out.
His only response was “you wanna tell me how you found it??”. I immediately kicked him out of the home. He has been calling me yelling at me that he has nowhere to go. Which is true. He doesn’t have any friends or family here and the hotels are quite expensive.
I thought I was justified but maybe I’m not seeing his side? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you need our opinions. The answer is obvious. Your partner (soon to be ex-partner I hope) is acting in a completely unacceptable way. There is absolutely no reason that can excuse his behaviour.
You did the right thing in kicking him out. Make sure you never see him again.” AdDangerous5081
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the jerk. Change the locks, remove that AirTag, block his number, and be careful. He is an adult, just like you. And just like you, he can figure out his own problems and make plans for his life.
This guy is not your friend if he can tell you that you deserve the mistreatment that you received (and that he’s also dishing out). Focus on yourself and your life. Dump this guy.” No_Rush_677
28. AITJ For Firing My Unreliable SIL From Babysitting My Kids?
“My SIL (33) is going through a tough divorce and moved back into her parents house.
My wife and I have a nanny during the week for our busy schedule.
We are both extremely busy at work right now and my SIL offered to help on weekends. We pay her the same rate as our nanny but she doesn’t even have to cook or help out clean.
We give her a grubhub gift card for her and the kids.
She’s doing less work than the nanny and getting extra food. My SIL has repeatedly called off or left the job early and we have talked to her about that. She was on her last warning and I told her the next time she did it my wife and I are finding other arrangements for childcare on weekends.
I come home and my MIL was at our house. I asked about SIL and MIL said she watched inside out a Pixar movie and it gave her an anxiety attack and she couldn’t stop crying and called my MIL to finish the babysitting shift. My wife and I decided that her sister was way to emotionally unstable to watch the kids anymore.
We found someone else through our Nanny to help out part time. My SIL was told she was no longer needed. My MIL and SIL yells at us because my SIL quit her job because her babysitting schedule interfered with it and now she’s unemployed because of us.
I repeatedly told my SIL to stop calling off because it messes with my wife’s and I job and we have both had to leave early because of her. She thought since the MIL showed up it didn’t count as her warning not to do it again.
She’s crying me a river about how I treat my wife’s side of the family like “the red headed step child” and I should give her another chance because she didn’t involve us when she left just her mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I guess this is why we don’t hire family. You hired her. She took advantage of the job because you are family. If she was a professional nanny that worked for a random family watching their kids on weekends, would she have behaved like that on the job?
And if she did behave like that on the job, would that random family have fired her? If she can’t even watch a children’s movie than she shouldn’t be watching children.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Also is it safe to leave your kids with someone so emotionally unstable?
Is she able to make sound decisions under stress or stay vigilant? Because kids need attention.” alobird
And if MIL keeps hounding you, tell her if she hadn't babied the living cr@p out of her daughter and never made her responsible for her actions, she might actually be able to keep a job. MIL is just as guilty as SIL is. Don't trust either of them as far as you can sling a Steinway piano.
27. AITJ For Paying For My Cousin's Honeymoon To Hawaii Against My Family's Wishes?
“So I, a 26-year-old female, have a sister who is 28, and we haven’t had a good relationship since I was 8. The reason why is a whole another story.
So a few months ago, my cousin told me that she and her husband (fiancé at the time) have been wanting to go to Hawaii for years. I told them that I could buy them plane tickets there and buy them a suite there for their honeymoon.
They were both excited for that.
That same night, I bought them plane tickets for Hawaii, a honeymoon suite at a hotel for two weeks and a reservation to a fancy restaurant there. I paid for their honeymoon, and told my cousin she didn’t need to pay me back.
After the wedding, my cousin posted her and her husband in Hawaii for their honeymoon. My mom and sister were furious. They thought that they would go to Florida because her mother-in-law lives there. My mom and sister called her saying that she is selfish and she needs to care more about her family.
I said to my cousin I’m sorry for what my mom and sister said to her, she said it wasn’t my fault and thanked me for the honeymoon.
At a party last week, my cousin’s mother-in-law came and told everyone that I paid for the honeymoon.
My sister started screaming at me saying that me and our cousin are selfish jerks and that we need to learn how to care and love our family. I said, “she and her husband should decide where they go, it was their big day, and for the honeymoon, they decided to go to Hawaii.
I also said that if I told her where to go for vacation or for her honeymoon she would be upset.
My sister said that’s different. At that point I left. My mom and sister are demanding me to apologize for letting myself pay for their honeymoon.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ah, what the ever living heck? It’s a honeymoon; you have an incredibly generous gift. It sounds like your mom and sister like to promote punishment culture and that sucks. It’s not clear why the insistence that the cousin go to Florida and put family first – is there an illness or something?
Because then I’d get it. But randomly demanding and trying to control someone’s honeymoon is wrong.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where did your sister honeymoon? Where did your mother honeymoon? I’m guessing it wasn’t at their in-law’s place (and if it was I’ll bet they may not think it was the best idea).
Visiting the in-laws is a nice idea – for the holidays or maybe just because. But not for a honeymoon. Anyways, the honeymoon is already done and over. So I’d like to point out that it is possible to apologize for something without actually meaning it.
Maybe that’s not a precedent you want to set, but maybe it won’t matter.” squishEarth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I literally fail to see how it’s their business. You were doing something nice for a family member and as newlyweds it’s their decisions where they go to celebrate their wedding.
I just cannot understand your mother and sister’s outburst. It’s downright unhinged” Chantalle22
26. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite Family Friends From My Wedding?
“My fiancé (27M) and I (29F) are getting married in November of this year, we are so excited and everything has gone smoothly until recently.
We recently asked “Lenny” (6M), the kid of close family friends to be our ring bearer. He is like a nephew to me and is super sweet kid with a big heart.
The issue comes with his parents…
“Jay” and “Sally”, his parents, tend to share more right-wing ideals. I am usually able to put our differences aside for Lenny but lately, their social media posts have become more and more extreme.
They have expressed some mildly homophobic and transphobic things in the past (which has caused tension in our relationship), but they tend to keep it to themselves.
However, recently (after we had asked Lenny), they have been posting some really hateful things to social media about trans and queer people. They haven’t been this visceral in the past, and I’m worried because we have many friends coming who are openly queer and my maid of honor is trans.
I myself am also queer, but am not out to my family. They both have a history of outbursts, especially if there is drinking involved, and I am worried for the comfortability of my friends and other guests. Both my fiancé and I feel very uncomfortable and hurt by these posts as well and while I would usually be open to having a heart to heart about it, it has gone poorly for myself and others who have tried in the past.
WIBTJ if I uninvited them from the wedding? I am feeling most guilty about Lenny who is innocent in all this, and I am worried it’ll destroy any chance at having a relationship with him in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure.
I do feel for the kid though; part of me hopes he doesn’t turn out queer himself and doesn’t have to deal with their xenophobia turned towards him. In case you haven’t thought of it, uninviting them would likely end your friendship as well.” chaddfirstofhisname
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding day and ideally should be drama-free. You and your fiancé have final say on the guest list. If you feel strongly, trust your gut. Especially if your other guest are likely to be out as themselves at your joyous celebration and your two more conservative guest may have one of their predictable outbursts.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should make it very clear exactly why you are uninviting them. “I have many LGBTQ+ friends and I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable” However, you have to accept that in doing this, you will be burning a bridge and that means you probably won’t see Lenny again.” ViolaVetch75
Seems to me they've done nothing to offend you personally, but you're placing a higher premium on your LGBTQ guests' comfort than on those of friends whose child you want to use in your ceremony, who MIGHT say something uncomfortable?
Really? That's rude.
If you really want to uninvite the parents, then have the decency to say that the child is going to be replaced as the ring bearer through no fault of his, only your and your fiance's terror of offending your LGBT friends. That will go over well.
This is one of those situations where you can't have your cake and eat it too. I think the two of you are pathetic.
25. AITJ For Being Upset About My Neighbors Using My Garden As Their Construction Site And Complaining About My Dog?
“Currently having problems with my neighbors over garden disputes. They are replacing the fence, which is fine, they told us and we said sure go ahead.
But since their project started all we’ve had is problems. I’ll start by saying that because of their project our garden is literally trashed. They ruined some of my plants, pulled up my raised bed (it was empty but still not the point), and are using our garden as a storage area for their wood and metal and broken concrete meanwhile their garden is PRISTINE.
I kept quiet about this at first as we barely use the garden but when I did mention it all she had to say was “well the landlord was aware we’re doing it”.
They have now went on to message the landlord about dog poo in our garden.
The dog poops 4 times a day maximum, and every night I take it down the street to the nearest dog bin so there is never more than a day’s worth at a time. They talked to my landlord and even my MUM, but never directly to me or my partner.
The closest we’ve got to that is when I hear them talking about us over the fence thinking I couldn’t hear. The dog always poops in the same spot, which is well over 6ft away from the space they’re working. Yet they’ve chosen to store wood, metal and concrete basically right in the middle of our garden and then complain about what’s on there.
This is our private back garden, not at all in view of the street or where anyone would usually see. We have a 2 month old baby, I’m studying and working part time and my partner works full time so we are busy people. More has happened but I won’t make the post too long.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the dog mess, once a day pickup is reasonable for your private back garden, especially because you are making one consolidated trip to a special bin for dog mess. Message the landlord regarding the rubbish in your garden. It shouldn´t be there anyway regardless of dog poo dispute.
Send photos of damage and mess if landlord has not seen it in person.” Crafty_Dog_4674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Take pictures of what they have done. Each day take a picture. Ask them to clear their debris from your garden and not to enter it unless absolutely necessary to erect the fence.
If they haven’t moved their stuff out of the garden within 24 hours of you asking call the police and report them for trespass and vandalism. You could do it right now but it’s best to be seen to be giving them “the benefit of the doubt”.
Their complaint about your peaceful enjoyment of your garden including some dog turds is a distraction and irrelevant. Does your lease specify what volume of dog turd is allowable? Kind of rich that they’re complaining about the conditions of a garden they are trespassing on.
If you’re in the UK their actions may rise to the threshold for an aggravated trespass charge which is a criminal rather than civil matter… > Maximum penalty is 3 months imprisonment, or a fine of £2500, or both. First time offenders would likely get a fine of between £200 – £300.
Initially drafted to punish road protestors, it may come in useful.” solidcordon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No you are not being lazy or unreasonable. It is YOUR garden & YOUR backyard. They have destroyed your garden & have not offered to fix it. Nor did they get your permission to use your garden to throw their stuff on.
If they don’t like it tell them to stop using your yard. You’ve done nothing wrong & it sounds like you have a lot of patience because if it were me that stuff would be hitting the fan!! Ruin my garden & then have the nerve to complain (not even to you) about the poop.
Entitled & ridiculous.” Embarrassed-Math-699
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mum And Brother To Live In My Apartment Indefinitely?
“Background: at the start of this year my mum (F60) and dad (M60) separated. I (F31) let my dad stay in my apartment for the next 7 months while I lived with my mum and brother (M29) in my parents’ house, this allowed my parents to save a bit of money instead of having to pay my dad’s rent somewhere else.
Fast forward to now, my dad has lost his job and my parents sold their house. I planned on moving back into my apartment next month but now with my mum no longer getting spousal support she doesn’t have an income to get a mortgage on a new place.
My dad bought himself a trailer home to live in outright and has started a business which he hopes will do well and can pay spousal support again.
So my mum and brother asked if they can live with me for a couple months until my dad’s business kicks off and for my mum to save money, she doesn’t have a job as she’s been a stay at home wife for the past 20ish years.
My parents were bad at saving money so neither can afford to live off of retirement savings.
I said sure, they can stay with me for a couple months. But now my mum is saying she might have to stay for 8 or so months because she wants a nicer place and will have to save more.
My brother still lives at home so he’s part of the package.
When I wasn’t eager to let them stay that long my brother got annoyed and didn’t get why I wouldn’t let them stay. I’ve already been put out of my apartment for 7 months and now have to share it with 2 other people for 8 more??
It doesn’t seem fair to me. AITJ for thinking this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Nope. Nope nope nope nopeity nope nope nope. Anyone who wants to stay with you needs to come with an arrival and a departure date. We’ve all run into travel nightmares that necessitate a few extra days, but that’s not what this is.
You’re trapped: 10/10 NTJ. If you are staying with someone, it’s on you to give a reasonable idea of when you will leave. If circumstances rely on a few extra days, be awesome. They are the ones who anticipated on you staying for 3 days and now you’re here for a week…be helpful!
Right now, circumstances require you to be there. Your helpfulness will be appreciated.” mdsnbelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once they’re in they will *never* leave. Your mum is not going to get better with money. She is not going to save the money to get the “nice” place she wants.
Even if you do let your mum move in, your brother should be moving out on his own, there should be no package deal, you aren’t homing *everyone* from your parents house, you would potentially be homing your mother. If she doesn’t like that, she and your brother can find somewhere else.
But if you simply don’t allow it to happen in the first place your life will be much simpler. Compare the hassle of turning them down now to the pain of not being able to get them out. Either way they will claim you’re making them homeless, just cut out the angst in the middle.” Natural_Garbage7674
23. AITJ For Getting Angry At MIL For Discussing My Health Issues And Inviting Family To My Home Without Consent?
“I have major health issues, surgery needed in next 2 months as body shutting down.
DH and I went away for the night and MIL stayed at our house to watch DS to try to relax after devastating news on my health.
Upon coming come, DS told me the entire family on DH side was invited and hosted at my home without consent.
MIL lives same block no need to do this.
While all together MIL discussed my medical conditions and upcoming treatments with those invited. I had only spoken with her and DH in confidence.
Upon coming home I asked why she felt the need to not only host the family all day in my home, but discuss my medical issues, and was met with the response “you didn’t ask me not to say anything.
You know how this family is, I can’t help but talk to them. I should have said do not speak a word.”
This is not the first time either has happened, and I have mentioned. My boundaries are not respected and I wanted to be the one to say my life is changing and there is a small chance my body will shut down and I will not be able to watch DS grow up.
I ended up storming out and yelling that this is my body, my news and my house and not hers. Why should these people who don’t bother with me, DH and DS be invited to MY home and spend all day without my consent?
They contribute nothing. We pay for everything, but when ask for help these family are nowhere to be seen or heard from.
AITJ for not only getting mad MIL discussed personal information, but also invited without consent family members (who are like strangers to me) into my home with no consent or respect of personal boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your MIL is the jerk it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out life changing news that doesn’t involve you is not your news to share. To invite people you’re not close to into your own home to tell them your medical condition is very weird” Suspicious_Newt_6236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe your MIL was trying to get people together to plan on how to support you, but her reasoning doesn’t matter, what matters is it was a huge boundary to cross without your say so. It’s your body, your health and your news to share if you choose to.
I am sorry you are going through this and can only hope you get some good news in the future.” ComplexMacaroon1094
22. AITJ For Making Other Plans After My Friend Ignores My Birthday Messages?
“My friend’s birthday is tomorrow, she said she’d be spending it alone since her family wasn’t around for the weekend and I don’t know about her other friends. I offered to meet up so she wouldn’t be alone and I‘d get her a Starbucks drink too as a little gift, since she really loves it (I had some other stuff planned too).
This conversation was 2 weeks ago and at the time she was extremely happy and said she’d love to. I told her I’d message her again a couple days before so we could plan the day. I messaged her on Monday asking if she wanted to do anything specific and told her that there was a cute shop I wanted to go to and that we could do that if she wanted to, I get left on seen.
I ask her if everything is alright on Wednesday and again don’t get a response but it’s on sent. I message her again today asking what time she wants to meet up tomorrow, no response for hours but she’s posting on Instagram stories so I just text her again „(her name)?“.
I know I didn’t do anything wrong because those are the only interactions we’ve had between the first time asking if she wanted to meet for her birthday until today and we don’t have mutual friends where something could’ve happened to make her mad at me or something.
I just feel like garbage now because I’m getting ignored for no reason.
I want to do something else tomorrow if she doesn’t want to meet up, but I‘d also feel terrible if there maybe was something going on and she had a reason not to answer me and I went ahead and made other plans and she’d be left alone on her birthday.
So would I be the jerk if I made other plans for tomorrow?”
Another User Comments:
“Mm YWNBTJ, in my opinion you should try and call her or send her a message just saying “hey are our plans cancelled? Because if they are then I want to do something else on my weekend” if you get no response then take it as they are cancelled and do your own thing.
I’m sorry but what reason does she have to read your message, not respond at all, but still be active on social media? Sounds like she’s avoiding you” Geo_1997
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but just drop one more thing into the conversation such as, “Hey, haven’t heard back from you.
Do you still want to get together tomorrow? Let me know if you do, otherwise I’ll make other plans.”” Ok-Insurance-1829
21. AITJ For Wanting To Sleep In The Dark During Our Family Vacation?
“My family’s on vacation and we are staying in a pretty small AirBNB with a mattress in a smaller, living room and four others in a larger, bedroom.
The two rooms are both on the second story with the stairs connecting to the living room. The only issue is that the bathrooms on the bottom floor.
I chose to sleep in the living room by myself cause I don’t normally sleep well next to others – I’m a light sleeper.
My sister insisted on dragging her mattress to the smaller, living room because she can’t stand my mom’s snoring. I didn’t really mind this at first since it was just one extra person until she insisted we leave the rooms light on so people can walk down the stairs at night.
I understand that it’s a safety concern to blindly walk down the stairs but I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation to sleep in the dark. I suggested that when someone needed to, they could just turn the light on to walk.
It’d probably wake me up but it’s better than getting no sleep. She completely refused this proposal and just kept saying no the light has to stay on.
I was willing to compromise so I just turned my back to the light that would’ve shined right into my eyes otherwise and she yelled about how it was creepy to be looking at me sleep cause I’d then be facing her.
We started arguing and my dad, to his credit, tried to fix the problem by putting paper over the light, but it was almost like doing nothing. I ended up sleeping in the doorway because that was the only space left and she wouldn’t stop complaining about how unsafe it is.
I was pretty sure in my reasoning but seeing how confident she was in her answer made me wonder if I was at fault.
I may be the jerk for ignoring safety concerns but I don’t think I wanted anything unreasonable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people don’t normally leave all the lights on in case they need to go to the loo at night, why would this be any different? It’s what light switches are for. If she finds you facing her creepy she can simply turn around, that is very much her problem.
Is she always this bossy?” Valuable-Wallaby-167
Another User Comments:
” NTJ – You aren’t at fault here. You were simply asking to be able to sleep in the dark, which doesn’t seem unreasonable. Your sister was very insistent on leaving the light on, and you made multiple attempts to compromise.
Ultimately, you ended up having to sleep in an unconventional spot because of her refusal to compromise, so NTJ.” purse_of_lighters
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister and family can surely operate a light switch and turn the light on when heading to the bathroom and that could easily have been communicated to the whole group.
Also, who cares what direction someone is facing when they sleep, even if it’s facing another person?” SquishyBeth77
20. AITJ For Choosing A Cheaper Resort For A Destination Wedding?
“So 2 friends are getting married in Mexico. On the closeness scale I’d say we are a 5/10. We are not in the wedding party or invited to the bachelorette/bachelor party.
They are getting married at a wedding venue (restaurant I think?) and then have a block of rooms at an expensive resort (won’t say the name but minimum is $500 per night per room).
A group of us friends were invited. We all have different economic situations.
Three friends could not afford to stay at the resort. We all found a different resort 5 min away that is around $75 per night (so we’re going to pay like $400 total which is less than one night at the other place). We were planning on take a taxi to/from the wedding.
We are going to stay for 4 nights to make a mini vacation out of it.
Found out the bride and a bridesmaid are upset with us for not staying at the resort where there is a block. Basically saying it is selfish to make a vacation out of a wedding and that we should stay at the resort with everyone else.
I agree we should have given them a heads up (I guess) but I am so confused why they are so mad when it comes down to people not being able to afford the place.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They’re mad because they’re (probably) getting some kind of kickback from the resort for every room that’s booked in their block of reserved rooms. That frequently happens in the US.
In fact, you might contact the wedding resort for a room without saying you’re with the wedding party. You might find the price is much lower. I’ve had that experience with wedding blocks.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s a destination wedding. Why is it a destination?….
Because people want to go there for a vacation. If they did not want anyone staying anywhere else that should have been in the invite. If they didn’t want people staying elsewhere they would have balanced the financial ability of the people they were inviting with the cost of the venue vs.
close by places. Seems the only selfish ones were the Bride/bridemaid who picked the venue and feel it reflects on them & you may be in Mexico not 110% fawning over the bride in her glory.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, If they feel it is so important to stay at the resort, then they can cover it on their dime, not yours.
And, let’s be real. Do the newlyweds want to spend their entire time entertaining their guests and wedding party, I think not. They are going to disappear after the wedding and do their own thing, you can do the same thing and not feel guilty about it.” tacospaghettidad2
Tell bride/bridesmaid and whomever else is b******g at you that you're attending as promised, and if that isn't enough, you won't burden them with your presence on the big day. Sucks to be them.
19. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Partner Not Ordering Extra Chips And Salsa?
“My (25M) birthday recently passed. My partner(28F) offered to take me out to my favorite restaurant–a local Mexican place–to celebrate.
She recently told me the townhome she owns got hit with a violation concerning her back deck (she’s a member of an HOA).
She received a letter informing her that she has 60 days to replace 3 boards on her deck and the entire staircase; either that or she has to produce a signed contract with a contractor stating that the work is going to be done. If she doesn’t, she is going to be subject to penalties.
I know she hasn’t had a great year financially and that it stresses her out, but I don’t know all the specifics beyond that.
However, she wanted to treat me with a gift so we went to the restaurant. I ordered a margarita and she ordered a Pacifico, and then we both placed our orders for our entrees when our drinks arrived along with an order of chips and salsa.
It was pretty busy there and our entrees were taking a while. We were both hungry and polished off the chips and salsa pretty quickly. I said, “let’s get some more chips and salsa.” I was about to flag down our server when she said, “No, let’s just wait for our entrees.
I don’t want to pay for extra chips and salsa. I had noticed when I read the menu that extra chips and salsa would cost $5 and I don’t want to pay it.” I responded, “Seriously? You’re treating me to a dinner at my favorite restaurant for my birthday but you’re going to cheap out on chips and salsa?
If I want a second margarita are you going to tell me ‘no’?” She told me that she had factored in extra money for drinks but that she wasn’t paying extra so that we could gorge ourselves on chips and salsa because it wasn’t worth it.
But I still think she’s being cheap. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You know she is facing financial hardships. Despite this, she is still treating you to a birthday meal. But that’s not good enough, and because you can’t wait a few more minutes for your meal you want her to spend more money on chips and salsa.
I know it’s your birthday, but what you said probably made her feel bad that she couldn’t afford to make you feel special. Seriously dude, YTJ. YTJ hard.” Meth_Hardy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ absolutely. You’re throwing a fit over chips and salsa? And you know she’s already having a rough time financially and still treated you to a birthday dinner while factoring in your margaritas?
I would’ve left you right then and gone back home (which she owns btw, for a 28-year-old nowadays that’s impressive).” chickeemeow12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – As if you did that….. you made your partner feel bad when she was trying to do something nice, you shamed her for not being able to afford something when you already know she’s had a tough year financially?
Why didn’t you offer to pay for the extras that YOU wanted? And then you come here hoping we will say your partner is the jerk? That’s a whole new level of jerk right there my dude.” dreamygoddess7
18. AITJ For Not Choosing My Partner's Mom As My Realtor?
“I’ve (M27) been looking into buying a home since December of last year with my brother (M27). I found a home and reached out to a family friend that is an experienced and well-achieved realtor that I trust. I felt comfortable working with him and now we are set to close in two weeks.
Working with him has been easy and we got a great deal.
My partner (F27) will be joining me and paying minimal rent so she can focus on finishing her degree. We’ve been together 7 years and it’s a big next step for us.
My reasoning for not choosing my FMIL as a realtor was that I didn’t want to mix family and business. I know my partner and her mom have resentment over money and I didn’t want to factor that into this huge decision. Furthermore, they don’t have a great relationship and they struggle to communicate with FMIL without it becoming personal or an argument.
In an attempt to safeguard my relationship with FMIL I didn’t involve her in my home buying process. I didn’t want to seek her advice and have her feel used. I also was in-and-out of the market constantly and uncertain. I was worried that if anything went wrong in the process that would nuke our relationship.
Now that I found a home I’m serious about, I let my FMIL know. She was really upset. Some key words were “betrayal, lies, snake”. We haven’t spoken in over a week and I’m no longer allowed at partner’s house.
I understand it must feel terrible as a realtor when family chooses someone else.
I’m certainly sympathetic that I hurt her feelings and want to mend that. I also get that as a new realtor she will need friends and families support.
Some days I feel guilty, but I think I made the right choice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; I also wouldn’t want to mix business with family; especially if the relationship is unstable/unhealthy like you described. Its really best to keep it separate, that way if there is anything that you’re not satisfied with in the buying process or feel slighted about, there won’t be animosity between you and FMIL and it won’t ruin the relationship with partner moving forward.
If FMIL doesn’t see that and this is her reaction, then straight up, she’s a jerk.” hardworkingtoilet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The desire to not mix business and family is legit. MiL is presuming on kinship. This does not bode well. Also, she must be a lousy realtor if she’s willing to blow up her relationship with her daughter’s partner to get a sale she didn’t have to work for.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made good choices. Not mixing business and family was just one of them. MIL’s reaction reinforces your good choice. If you’d chosen her, she would have been pressuring you all the way. “This is a great place, buy it now!” “Of course you can afford this place!” You’re seeing some of why partner and MIL’s relationship is rocky.
Don’t feel guilty, don’t try to mend anything. Let partner handle her mother as partner feels appropriate.” extinct_diplodocus
Honestly, if the daughter is anything like the mother, I'd ghost both of them and consider it not a bullet dodged, but an intercontinental ballistic missile. That's downright scary.
17. AITJ For Wanting To Use Wedding Travel Reimbursement To Reunite With My Partner?
“My local friend Tania is getting married to her long term partner, James. They are both well off. As a wedding favor, Tania and James are covering the hotel and the airfare for everyone attending from out of town, so that everyone they love can make it.
This includes for my partner Finn and I, as it is being held near James’ family and not where Tania and I live. This will be about $3500 American Dollars.
Finn and I are also engaged. We are long distance. We live in different countries. We are saving up to move in together but the flights alone are thousands, not to mention the immigration costs.
We are almost there, we’re literally just saving for the final flights and shipping Finn’s stuff.
I know the offer is for reimbursing travel to the wedding, but Tania’s “wedding favor” would literally allow us to be together, permanently, in person, as a couple, if she used it on reuniting us instead of flying us both to her wedding.
I feel this would be a very romantic thing for Tania and James to do, and Finn agrees. Frankly, I feel like it was a little taunting of Tania to make us this offer when she knows we’re saving so hard to be together and she’s offering everyone wedding vacations worth the same amount instead.
However, the one friend I’ve asked about this says I am “insane” for even thinking of proposing this and that “you can’t ask for something like this”. However, I’m considering going for it, because of how much I love Finn and how well off Tania and James both are.
I feel that Tania will see I am asking out of love for Finn. My friend told me to post here and see what the general public says… so!
WIBTJ if I asked for a wedding favor to be used to reunite Finn and I vs.
us traveling to their wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. Do NOT do this. So gauche. And when you have to finance your wedding you will realize what a bogus and asinine thing this would be to do. I’m utterly shocked at this. & Tbh, it’s a big red flag that Finn would take their money.” TheLoneCanoe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she paid because she wants them in her wedding if your partner can’t make it why she have to hand him money. And finn agree who care if your partner agree or not the bride and groom is the one who pay they have to be the one who agree not you or your partner.
If you ask me this I don’t care how many years we friend I will drop the friendship.” Mysterious-Bag-5283
Another User Comments:
“YTJ … a huge one. If you ask her this, it would be tacky and entitled. She’s willing to spend this money to make sure her loved ones aren’t financially burdened by the cost to attend her wedding.
The wedding favor is for her benefit, not yours. What makes you think she wants to finance any part of your relationship? That’s so self centered .” Mother_Tradition_774
I hope like he!! she rescinds her gift to you, because you're not worthy of it. Narcissistic, selfish b***h who thinks the world owes her and her SO a living. Wow.
16. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay Me Back For Her Unused Birthday Gift?
“So me (30M) and my partner (26F) have been seeing each other for like 8 months now.
Her birthday was in May but she couldn’t figure out what she wanted for her for birthday so I decided to surprise her with a massage at a local spa. Her job is very stressful and I thought this would be a nice way for her to relax.
My partner hates surprises so I told her in advance what her gift was going to be.
She seemed excited when I told her what I was planning. Fast forward to earlier this week and I find out not only has she not used the gift card yet but she plans on never using it.
She told me that she isn’t really a spa girl. I told her why didn’t she tell me that when I told her what I was going to get her, and she stated that “she didn’t want to hurt my feelings because she did think it was a sweet gift”.
So with me obviously being pretty upset she offered to pay me back for the gift card if I couldn’t get a refund. I checked and couldn’t get a refund. Once I found out I couldn’t get a refund I decided to let my sister use the card so it wouldn’t go to waste.
My partner tends to forget things so I reminded her that she owed me money, and she got really defensive about it. She said that she didn’t feel like she needed to pay me back now because the gift card was used. My responses was that it really isn’t about the money but it’s the principle of the matter.
I told her she should have spoken up earlier and not let me buy it if she knew she wasn’t going to use it. We went back and forth for awhile with her eventually just going to bed and us not speaking about it.
I just want some outside opinions about the matter.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Its the principle of the matter. Once a gift is given, it is no longer yours to dictate. She gave the gift card back to you, and you gave it to your sister.
She didn’t ask for a replacement gift. You are expecting her to pay for “the thought” of a gift you gave her, took back, and regifted to someone else. No.” YouCantSeemToForget
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she offered to pay you back but you instead gave the card to your sister and you still want a refund?
In a roundabout way she would be paying for your sisters spa day as her bday gift. Imo your partner probably should have said something but once you give a gift, you can’t really ask for it back.” RudeFee9459
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The second you give someone something, you relinquish the right to receive payment.
Because that is part of the definition of what a gift is. You have effectively told your partner the following “For your birthday, I’d like you to pay me money.” There is no world where that is normal. The fact that the gift was non-refundable has no bearing on the matter.
The fact that the gift has now made it’s way to your sister has no bearing on the matter. Also, the part where you acted so upset that your partner felt pressured into saying she would pay you for her own birthday present… that makes you immature and a jerk.
Her walking back that statement later on was the right thing to do.” Own-Cauliflower2386
You don't deserve her. I hope she dumps your stingy @*$.
15. AITJ For Pushing The Issue About Our Shared Flat's Legal Consequences?
“Context: My fiancé (M24) and I (F25) have been best friends since I moved to Europe four years ago for my masters. I’m not fluent in the local language, while he is a native speaker.
We’ve been together for two years and recently moved into a flat after getting engaged. I’m a student working part-time, while he started his first job in April. Financially, it’s challenging for me, but I’m working towards completing my degree and relying on him for rent.
Living in an area with high expenses, we struggled to afford basic necessities for our flat. Moreover, my fiancé had previously faced eviction from his one-room flat due to unpaid rent. I covered a significant portion of the debt from my savings at the time.
Recently, I discussed the situation with a mutual friend who works as a property manager. They informed me that if we don’t terminate the old flat by August 3rd, legal consequences could extend until 2024, resulting in the loss of our 1,500€ deposit. I expressed concern to my fiancé, but he dismissed it, claiming he had handled it via email and couldn’t contact the real estate agency.
During a conversation on our way back from visiting his grandparents, I brought up the issue again. He lashed out, insisting it was none of my business and didn’t concern me. I persisted, sharing the legal information I found on my phone. This angered him further, and he raised his voice, telling me to shut up.
I reminded him that this situation affects both of us and that I was hurt by his behavior. He accused me of ruining his day and expressed annoyance at my opinions on matters I supposedly know nothing about. I warned him about his public behavior towards me and walked away.
Am I the jerk for pushing the issue?
Note: Sorry for any formatting issues and the scattered nature of my post. I did my best considering the circumstances, and I’m feeling hurt as I genuinely love this man.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every reason to be concerned because you also live here.
I know he was your best friend for a while but the way he treats you is not normal. If he tells you to shut up and raise his voice IN PUBLIC, he is probably capable of way worse than that in private…” AITAfangirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It most certainly *is* your business! 1. You took money out of your savings to cover his back rent, so a portion of that deposit rightfully belongs to you. 2. You are part of a household on a tight budget, so you are personally impacted by financial losses, such as the loss of a deposit.
There are a lot of red flags surrounding your fiance: past inability to pay rent, inability or lack of interest in tracking down a deposit due back, keeping you in the dark about finances, getting angry with you for even asking about finances, telling you to “shut up”, and then blaming you for his over the top reaction to a legitimate concern.
And this is all just one tiny portion of your life. You man genuinely love this man, but if he’s disrespecting you this much now, that’s not going to get better.” Ornery-Wasabi-473
Sweetie, you've hitched your wagon to a falling star, and if you stay with him, he's going to drag you down with him AND put you in debt that you didn't incur. Please, PLEASE get out of there before he costs you more money.
14. AITJ For Calling My Sister Stupid For Being Upset At Our Dad's Actions During Their Divorce?
“So, our parents are in the middle of a very messy divorce, they’ve been together since before my older sister was born.
There’s three of us kids (sis 27) (me 22) (bro 20), we’ve all been grown and out of the house for a few years.
Our mom does not get along with any of us, she’s an all around nasty person and anyone who knows her knows this. Including my sister.
The fact that she and dad are splitting doesn’t surprise anyone, but the fact our dad “misbehaved” on her definitely shocked everyone. Both my family are very religious and they take that kind of stuff extremely seriously.
I don’t really know the full details of my father’s “misbehavior”, but to my knowledge nothing happened until after they already agreed to separate.
Per usual, my mom started twisting the truth to make people side with her, but that’s not what’s going on with my sister. She believes my dad, but she’s still upset because my father didn’t wait until the divorce was finalized and doesn’t want to even talk to him because he’s a “misbehaver”.
Long story short, in our sibling/cousin group chat I straight up said she and our mom were stupid for being mad at our dad for sleeping with another person while they’re divorcing. (I didn’t bring it up out of nowhere, my sister and cousins were already talking about it) Not a single person backed me up except one cousin (and my brother in private).
It turned into a huge fight, and we’re not really talking right now… And people are telling ME to apologize.
I said no, and I don’t plan on changing my mind. I get being religious and the sanctity of marriage or whatever, but this is just too much in my opinion.
They do not love each other. It’s really not even any of our business as far as I’m concerned, but now half my family thinks I’m an jerk over it and it’s making me feel crazy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “There’s no hate like Christian love” Question time: > our parents … they’ve been together since before my older sister was born How would that work if they’d gotten together after your sister was born?
Assuming your parents are your and her biological parents.” PrudentVermicelli69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in general but calling them stupid wasn’t a good idea. I get that u have a different opinion about this than your mom and sister, but calling them stupid for disagreeing with you is only going to start something that you don’t want to be started. Let your parents get through the divorce and since you all are living away from each other family drama shouldn’t be taking up your life at this point.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here She’s saying he could’ve waited longer. You’re saying he waited long enough, the paperwork isn’t the point. You had no right to call her stupid for her opinion, do apologize for that. I wouldn’t walk back your opinion, it’s valid and so is hers for some people.
Accept that there’s no absolute right vs wrong in life…and your mom sounds like she will always make it out to be her who was wronged anyway. Don’t sweat it imho and above all what you said ‘it’s their business’. That knowledge saved me having any heartache over my parents’ split (had my own issues for my part in it so no worries there I wasn’t totally spared lol).
Be kind to each other, this stuff affects and potentially messes up all the siblings, just in different ways. I got plenty to compare to.” mayfeelthis
This isn't yours to fix. This is solely the fault of your mother and father, and anyone blaming you for anything is way out of line.
13. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Stepdaughter Because My Baby Was Sick?
“My husband(36m) and I (27f) and I have been together for 4 years. We have an 8 month old daughter who has been unwell.
This was on Saturday and their father was working. My stepdaughter is 11 and just wanted to come over for no special reason. If my daughter wasn’t unwell I would have picked her up. They live about 30 minutes away, so it would be an hour drive round trip, then waiting on her we would be in the car like an hour and twenty minutes rough estimate.
I did not want my daughter in the car screaming this long while she didn’t feel good and just wanted her mom. So I told her daughter was unwell and I couldn’t but we can get her tomorrow or her mother could bring her.
She said her mom couldn’t and she wanted to come over. I told her I didn’t know what to tell her but I couldn’t today and that if someone could bring her that I will be here.
Her and her mother have been causing a ruckus to my husband about this.
He is totally on my side but they are stressing him out and it has been causing issues. She thinks I could have offered a taxi.. like if you want to put a 11 year old in a taxi go for it but I wouldn’t and don’t want to be responsible for that.
My husband and I got into a fight because this has been stressing him out and he wants me to do something. This really made me mad and I asked him what I am supposed to do and he needs to handle it because I am not worrying about it anymore and got about 1 hour of sleep last night.
I have texted my stepdaughter sorry we couldn’t work it out, but if she didn’t get to come over yesterday now she doesn’t want to come today. My husband and I have barely talked today. Should I apologize to my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sick baby is a sick baby >My husband and I got into a fight because this has been stressing him out and he wants me to do something. Doesn’t sound like he’s much of a parent or a partner. I think most of the time it’s foolish to have a step parent to talk to the other bio parent.
He needs to step up and co-parent with his ex and not offload it onto you to settle a parenting disagreement” gleaming-the-cubicle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly I hope your daughter recovers soon. To a new mother, there is not a single more urgent matter than their sick baby.
You had to stay with her, and your stepdaughter didn’t have to come, its simple like that. I also understand your husband’s stress however he shouldn’t expect you to do something about it. I’d say make him understand that you are aware he is under stress but neither he or you should bend down to drama like that.
Not worth to hurt your relationship.” FlorenceNightinglei
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you owe no apologies to anyone. If the dad wasn’t there, no reason for the kid to be there, either. Especially when you’re trying to take care of a sick baby. The kid having a tantrum saying she won’t come over today because she didn’t get to come over yesterday is very telling.
Someone needs to sit her down and make it very clear she doesn’t make the rules, and she doesn’t get to boss around the adults. Apparently there’s a custody / visitation schedule in place. Y’all need to stick to it.” SpeakerDelicious6315
Your baby was sick. End of discussion. Daughter doesn't get to call the shots, and maybe your husband should be taking a more active role.
12. AITJ For Not Inviting My Ungrateful Stepsisters To My Wedding?
“I, (32) have two stepsisters, one named Darcy (31F) and one named Lillie (28F), my stepfather is in the military and sometimes goes away, but only for 4months-1year, with breaks in the middle,
then he will stay home for the rest of the time.
This meant they stayed with their mother (My stepfather and her are also divorced) and their mother was very keen on them staying at her house as much as possible and make it so they can’t see him.
This is obviously not their fault and I feel for them, but it’s how they encourage it that makes it worse. Every time they come round he always spoils them with candy and toys and new gadgets and they are so ungrateful and refuse to sleepover and sometimes refuse to come whatsoever, which is their preference obviously but I don’t understand why as my stepfather is one of the kindest, funniest and not strict people I’ve ever met.
He always gives them second chances and they never give him any back and scream and shout and lie to their mum and make a big scene, this has been happening since I was 10 and I have had so many times where me and him are alone and have had so much quality time and they are seriously missing out he is such a kind man and they are so awful to him.
Their grandma gets involved and calls my mother all sorts of names and me, (not my two younger sisters as they seem to like them two, not me) and I have made it very clear I do not like them, I gave them the benefit of the doubt up until I was 18 then I had enough.
I do not want them ruining my special day with me and my (32M) husband to-be so I have simply chose not to invite them, they have stated it is horrible of me and they are family, am I in the wrong???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your day you invite who you want. The girls, their mother and your grandmother made their feelings known. I wouldn’t invite any of them and tell them and the rest of the family why. Be sure to have people ready to keep them away.” Fair_Reflection2304
Another User Comments:
“NTJH. You are not obligated to invite people to your wedding. You do what makes you happy, and they sound awful to me. BUT In 5 or 10 years do you think you’ll regret it? No wedding pics with them in it, including all family pics.
Maybe ( most likely) not having a great relationship with them from now on? Your dad, grandma etc being angry or hurt by it? This could absolutely change your relationship with other family members permanently. Just some things to consider.” Odd_Presentation7642
11. AITJ For Being Able To Argue With My Wife But Not Stand Up To My Parents?
“So currently my wife and I are having a disagreement with each other. It’s about my parents and it’s been a reoccurring issue and it’s reaching her breaking point. I have an issue of having an inability to speaking up or defending myself against my parents.
It’s been a frustrating situation for both of us and this last year I got a new full time job that included health insurance. My new health insurance approved to see a therapist once week this year. I have been going to therapy and it’s been helping to see why I am unable to defend myself or speak up.
My therapist said I have childhood trauma and I get anxiety when my parents start raising their voices or speak aggressively. So I have distanced myself from them.
Last year I saw them once a week and now I only see them once or twice a month.
So recently we went on a 2 week vacation and I didn’t communicate with my parents for those 2 weeks. My brother recently confronted me that my parents said we were bad mouthing him and his family. I explained that we have not spoken to my parents.
And it’s my parents pulling their usual shenanigans and told him to ignore them, but my wife is sick of me ignoring them and wants me to speak up now and put a stop to their stunt. I told her I’m going to therapy now so I can do that but for now please be patient and hopefully one day I can find a way to speak up and defend myself against them.
I told her for now I can’t speak up against them yet and then unpleasant things were said in our argument. I do regret what I said but now she is more mad at me because I can argue with her but unable to against my parents.
So AITJ for being able to speak up to my wife but not my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are building insight and skills. She is impatient and is unfair comparing you argue with her but won’t speak up re: your parents. Take this topic to your next therapy session and ask for insight on how you can explain this to your wife.
Yes, you are not ready yet but you’ll get there. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And maybe tell your wife you’re able to speak with her honestly because you love and trust her to deal with you fairly and love you without deceit of that trust. That you know she wouldn’t hurt you deliberately and you can’t say the same for your parents.
Maybe that will help. Sometimes saying hey, I can be authentic with you because you’re my safe person is a good way to reframe it.” Ikfactor
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Use My Disability Compensation To Pay Off My Father's House?
“So for some background here, I am a 23-year-old Air Force Veteran who was honorably discharged due to being exposed to dangerous conditions resulting in failing health.
I was awarded a disability compensation that for the last year has been small but appreciated, around $1,300 a month.
I recently was seen by the veterans administration, and continuing my serious health decline, they may be rewarding me with 100% compensation with an extremely hefty backpay.
This is where my dilemma comes into effect. My father has been taking care of me for about 3 months after a serious infection almost ended me. It was easier for me to live back home for a few months since my parents’ home was closer to the Veterans Hospital.
Tonight we were talking about a few things while he was having some drinks. And he asked me about my compensation and what I would be doing with it. I told him that I would be getting a financial advisor to take a portion and invest it into stocks and the other into savings to buy a property for my partner and I (they are staying at our apartment, because my father would not allow them to stay with me here as they don’t get along).
He told me that was a bad investment and I should instead take that money and help him pay off his home since I would be inheriting it when he passes. Now this isn’t a small sum, it would be the entirety of my backpay.
I didn’t say anything at the moment and told him we could discuss it all later on when I have the funds in my hands.
I understand that he has helped me out with my declining health but that money would change my partner and I’s lives forever.
Would I be the jerk for saying no? (edited because I messed up the formatting)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As someone who gave their father money to help with his “bills” in the past don’t do it, you won’t see that money again and he’ll probably downplay the fact you helped him so much.
Because he’ll claim he helped you. Also, you mentioned your father doesn’t get along with your partner so of course he’ll put down any idea you have that involves your future plans with your partner. >!My dad needed cash a few years ago and I helped him with it (a few grand) it may not sound like a lot but it was school money.
(Post-secondary) So basically I put off school for him and he still downplays how I helped him, saying he’ll pay me back eventually….!<" SpeedBlitzX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re going to need this money for your future. You have no idea what medical needs or living expenses you may need going forward.
And, quite frankly, there is NEVER a guarantee that you’d inherit the house (unfortunate events happen). It’s great that your father was able to help you when you needed it, but 3 months of assistance doesn’t equate to paying off HIS house. Since you and your partner can’t live in the house that YOU paid for, you would then still be living in an apartment with NO money.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your money, do what you want. But, it might be an optional investment for you, if you think that you’ll outlive your dad also, if your dad wants more income, or something, would he qualify for some kind of caretaker stipend from the state, since you’re ‘disabled’?
Asking b/c it sounds right in my head but I have no knowledge of how that stuff works.” wisedoormat
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom And Aunts To Stop Having Their Game Nights In My Room?
“For context, I (17F) am living in a temporary extended family living situation as one of my aunts (36) and her family are living with us as they are looking for houses since they just moved back to our country after living abroad for a few years.
Another aunt (40) and her family are staying with us for the summer. All seven bedrooms in my parents’ house are occupied to give an idea of how packed our house is at the moment.
Here is where the problem starts. My mom (44) and both of my aunts really enjoy playing board games together.
My mom suggested that they have their “game nights” in my room as I usually sleep late (around 1 am at most nights). Now I wouldn’t have a problem with this arrangement if it wasn’t a daily thing. Firstly, I’m usually up late since I’ll mostly be up working since I work with an NGO and I find them a little distracting (they tend to get loud since they’re all so competitive).
Secondly, I have a 8-4 internship which requires me to wake up at around 7 am every morning (excluding the weekends). Their game nights usually end at around 3 am which leaves me with very less time to sleep as they usually sit on my bed.
In these past few days, I haven’t been able to concentrate on my work and have missed a few deadlines since I’m always so tired and can’t find the strength to work.
I have also dozed off on my internship a few times. Today, I slept through my alarm and only woke up barely 30 minutes before 8 am. If my dad hadn’t come to check up on me, I wouldn’t have been able to reach on time.
I feel that I may come off as rude or that I may offend them so, WIBTJ if I tell them to not have their game nights in my room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they shouldn’t be sitting on your bed doing anything until 3am if you have to set up at 6am.
That’s just ridiculous. They need to find somewhere else to play.” Apprehensive_Risk266
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What kind of mom do you have that they care more about their board game than your well-beings? You are not rude by telling them not to intrude into your space at your expense.” macross1984
Put your foot down, and tell them to go to the fecking living room/dining room/ kitchen/ den or any other room in the house that isn't your bedroom, so you can get the sleep you need. What kind of morons are they, that they think this is okay?
8. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My In-Laws About Their Christmas Visit Negligence?
“A little bit of background my(26F) husband(32M) and his sister(29F) are very close and all advocate for family Christmas. Last year it was my husband and I’s turn to host. We asked his parents in August. They are retired but were working at different KOAs.
We asked them to join us for Christmas since they were starting a new gig in September and we wanted to make sure they asked for time off. They didn’t ask for it. They continued to make excuses of why they haven’t booked their tickets.
Finally, in November they randomly announce they bought a house far away from all of us and would try to make Christmas. They close in early November and quit their jobs. Finally in the start of December they say they can’t come to Christmas because they’re too busy with their new house.
Fast forward, my SIL couldn’t make it because of that huge winter storm.
Now, my husband and I are moving to a very pretty, beach-paradise for work. His sister said she wants to do Christmas at our house since it didn’t work the year before and free beach vacation lol
We bring it up to his parents and his my MIL instantly gets nasty with the siblings.
We’ve since brought it up and they just ignore it.
We know they won’t come. They continue to not visit either sibling unless they have another motivation.
BUT expect us to visit them for Christmases, trips, use our a vacation time etc. neither siblings will really stick up for themselves and when they do their mother plays the victim card.
I would like to tell them “hey, everyone(my family and SIL) are booking their tickets.
We want to make sure we have accommodations for everyone. Are you coming for Christmas? It really hurt our feelings how you ignored us last year and if you don’t come, please don’t expect any of us to visit.”
WIBTJ for saying this?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTA for saying it like that…the last sentence in particular. For one thing, was it even true your feelings were hurt when they didn’t show up? Sounds like it might’ve been more of a relief to you. Which is fine…I just wouldn’t stir the pot that way.
I would just go for the first part; about the other people booking tickets and you need to know if they are coming. Leave off the last part (the really hurt our feelings bit). And then say nothing more. Don’t follow up. They’ll have the invite and respond how they see fit (or not respond).
Plan your holiday for those who have rsvp’d.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I get why you’re frustrated. Do you have children or plan to? Making memories and starting traditions with your children in your own home can be a great reason not to travel during the holidays.
You and hubby need to agree on how to handle the situation then let him be the one to set the boundaries with his parents.” Glinda-The-Witch
Make your holiday plans, invite those you love and ignore the ones who don't want to visit. Accept the fact that you can't control other people, and be happy with your own plans and the people who want to share them with you. You'll be a lot less stressed.
7. AITJ For Confronting My Son's Partner About Her Lies And Manipulation?
“I 40F have a son Curt 22 who has been with his G/F Amber for three years. In this time she had lied and stolen things. Each week that goes by is something worse. This past weekend at a family event she announced that when she was pregnant with her son he was a twin and she miscarried the twin.
She also started she had 12 miscarriages in the last 7 years. Her mother confirmed this was a lie. My son confirmed his son was not a twin. She also mentioned that child support keeps sending her letters but that she is handling it. She does not work only Curt.
This past Monday I called OCSE and was told there was a case open against Curt but could not give more information without my son giving permission. He came right over and did just that. We were told she personally opened the case staying that the moment she told my son of her pregnancy he left. That she even updated her new address to our town.
Now my son pays all the bills and she and the baby live with him and have since before conception. We were told to call another office for our county and they say the same thing that my son is about to go to court for non payment for almost a year now.
My son asks me to come to his house to talk to Amber. I calmly asked her and provided evidence. She says I’m a liar just trying to break them up. She says the State is also lying. Then proceeds to tell me to get out of the house she pays for.
I lost my cool and called her names. This had been years of her lies and manipulations and I lost it. She closed the case against my son after I reported her for fraud. She demands an apology for all of it! AITA”
Another User Comments:
“NTA, but your son is an adult who gets to decide his life and suffer any consequences. You need to go lc with your son, but tell him if he ever needs anything, you are here for him. Maybe someday he will see her manipulation for what it is and need help escaping.
Mental mistreatment is still mistreatment and makes it hard to leave.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTA. My oldest gets involved with these type of women since his teens. It’s like he is only attracted to people who display borderline personality disorder(I’m a counselor). He’s 27 now.
It has been years of this and years of drama. I just keep open contact but stay out of it. It will consume you OP. It does no good to argue (although it is satisfying). Just say you’re staying out of his personal life. And keep the door open if he wises up.
Good luck.” Frequent_Ad_3797
6. AITJ For Cancelling Our Family Vacation Because My Adult Kids Wouldn't Contribute?
“A little bit of history first. I’ve been divorced for nearly 5 years. Both of my children are adults (19 & 21), but still in college and living at home. (I’m okay with it.) We always do a vacation together once a year, usually around the end of the year.
Now with that said, here’s the issue.
When we’ve taken vacations in the past, I’ve generally paid for most of the trip. They usually would pitch in for food, etc., and had their own money to spend on something they wanted. This year, however, after the passing of my father late last year and all of us receiving an inheritance, we all have enough money to pay for each other.
My kids disagree. They want things to remain as they have been with me paying for mostly everything, despite them being adults and having a bit of money. I’m not asking for them to pay for it all, I just want things split three ways now.
When I did ask them to help pay, they both accused me of being cheap and trying to “steal their money”. A few other unkind things were said and I got mad and cancelled our vacation to Cancun. (I had already booked it, but asked them to pay their fair share this year.) Then, and this is where I might be the jerk, I decided to rebook just for me and go by myself.
My daughter found out and she and my son are upset. I told them that they’re welcome to join me, but they’d need to book their own trips. They both essentially told me off and are not speaking to me now. The only thing I make them pay for in the house is food (once they each graduated HS, that was my lone request if they stayed at home).
I handle all the bills alone.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here. So AITJ here in how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ just for changing things behind their backs. I don’t agree with all the comments that your kids are brats.
They just aren’t quite self sufficient yet. They probably look at you as easily affording to pay and aren’t realizing how hard it’s been supporting them. If you really want them to go with you on vacation you should stop playing games and talk to them.” Dazzling_Note6245
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them that they have the right to disagree with you as long as they are respectful. However, calling you names and not speaking to you is unacceptable. Tell them that if they find your boundaries so difficult then they have the option of moving into their own place and living on their own.
It’s time for these entitled people to get a reality check. Let them know that they need to give you an answer right away because if they continue with this nonsense you will make the decision for them. See how they like that!!” SeaField7201
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting them live at home pretty much for free and then expecting them to pay for something. Stop coddling them and make them pay a portion of all the bills. They are using the utilities they are using the electricity.
You made yourself the martyr by telling them you would take care of everything but food so in their eyes the paying for the vacation is your responsibility, Good job parent.” Happyclouds87
What would have happened if they didn't get the inheritance? Would you have insisted they share in the expenses of a FAMILY vacation then?
I think you're greedy, opportunistic and stingy. I hope when your children do leave your home, they leave you altogether. Shame on you.
5. AITJ For Wanting To Shorten My Hyphenated Last Name Due To Inconvenience?
“I’m 16f and I have a hyphenated last name. I would like to shorten it because it is extremely inconvenient for me.
For instance, my school uses a lot of different programs to assist in learning that require me to use a school issued account (basically they let me pick a password but usernames and stuff like that the school enters into the system).
My last name makes this very difficult because I have no way of knowing how my last name is entered into the system (LastA-LastB, Last A Last B, or LastALastB for example) and I end up getting locked out of the accounts a lot because of it.
In addition it’s also really annoying anytime I want to sign up for a program in a store or fill out a form and they ask me to verbally spell out my name. It’s really hard to spell out and in general having two last names just does not sound good.
I did some research on the matter and almost everyone on the internet who was given a hyphenated last name at birth dislikes it and just goes by one as an adult.
I’d also like to mention that I have no preference for which parents last name I would use, and I’d be happy to leave that decision up to my parents or a coin flip.
I’d also be willing to pay the $60 or so that it costs to change a name in my state out of my own pocket.
I’m just thinking that I might be the jerk because in the past like when I was 8 years old I had asked my parents to shorten it and they refused. They said no because they wanted “both parents to be a part of the last name.” I sorta get that argument but I really think the cons override the pros.
On the other hand it’s becoming a problem that I predict will only get worse when I become an adult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why can’t you just use the one you like for online forms? I have a huuuuge name, and often it doesn’t even fit.
It maxes out the characters limit. So I just abbreviate, or skip some (unless its official gov stuff) At least as a right now solution. Just drop the hyphen, or skip one name. I dont even use my actual last name, I use my moms.” baurette
Another User Comments:
“Kinda WIBTJ if you do this before just talking to your schools IT desk, to see what you can do about it or if they can just give you a sheet of your usernames. (although tbh you have more than 3 tries to get into most accounts so idk how you’re getting locked out so much) also at stores you don’t actually need to use your full legal name Like from the sounds of it your main issue is something hyper specific to your school which you won’t have to deal with again pretty soon, and really none of the issues that you’ve discussed tend to come up as an adult.
Since that’s your motivation vs any actual feelings about your name I’d look a bit more in what can be done there before doing anything.” yeet-im-bored
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Come off it!! When you finally grow up, and you are on your own, living as an independent adult, feel free to pick any name you want—-even a hyphenated name like, hmmmm, let’s see: “UNGRATEFUL SELF-ABSORBED BRAT” Of course you won’t do this, because when you finally finally grow up, you’ll realize what an immature turd you were when you were 16.” OutofTouchInTheWay
4. AITJ For Charging My Sister £100 For Taking My Dress Without Permission?
“My sister and I recently had a sleepover at our mum’s place because she wasn’t feeling well and had been in the hospital the previous night.
Both of us have moved out, and therefore, we don’t keep our stuff at our mum’s anymore.
My sister had a flight to Turkey the next day where she was scheduled to meet her husband and his family for a vacation. While I was still asleep in the morning, she took my flowy, comfortable dress, which I’ve been wearing a lot due to bloating during pregnancy, and went to Turkey.
Upon waking up and preparing to leave, I couldn’t find my dress, and worse, I couldn’t find anything else to wear. Panicking, I considered wearing my mum’s size L clothes, but being significantly smaller, her clothes would simply fall off me. In the end, I had to make do with some tight leggings and a small top that she’d left behind, both of which were uncomfortably tight on my stomach.
My sister finally responded when she was in Turkey and apologised. However, I can’t get over the inconvenience it caused me. She has a history of similar behaviour. When we used to share a room at my mum’s place, she took my hair curler and left it in her workplace locker for a year.
She also took my mum’s iron and left it in her workplace locker; we haven’t seen it since.
I don’t want to harbour ill feelings towards her over this, but I believe she needs to compensate me for the frustration and annoyance she caused. I told her she needs to return the dress and send me the money, or else I won’t talk to her.
In response, she told my mum that it was no big deal since I’ve taken her stuff before, but I’ve never taken THE CLOTHES OFF HER BACK and left her stranded like this. She also has taken my stuff too and has several of my items at her house right now.
So, AITJ for charging my sister £100?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go buy a new dress that is just as comfortable and send her the bill since you can’t get your dress back until she gets back from Turkey. I’d also definitely point out to her that she literally left you with nothing to wear when she took your dress.
That is just other level “borrowing” when you take the only clothing someone has with them.” Vehicle-Mission
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I suggest you take several of your sister’s belongings when you see her next, as she is ok with sharing, so she can’t complain.
If she left anything at your house, a relatives’ house that you have access to, take those items until she pays you.” Odd-Ad-1482
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ here. I understand the frustration, but I do think charging your sister a fine is a bit over the top.
I wouldn’t allow her near my stuff unsupervised again and I would also let her know WHY that is the new normal. She cannot be trusted not to steal from you. Steal may sound harsh but technically that is what she has been doing. Taking things without permission is stealing.
OP stated ” I’ve taken her stuff before” but wasn’t clear if this is a reference to when they were children or if this is a current behavior. IF the sisters are still taking each others things as adults, then everyone’s a jerk.” Full_Concentrate5650
Not only would I demand the dress back, I would go buy another similar dress and charge your sister for it. She's an opportunistic c$nT who clearly respects no one's boundaries or possessions, and needs to pay for what she stole. Just, wow, that someone could be so entitled.
3. AITJ For Enforcing My Ex-Wife's Punishment For Our Son At My House?
“My ex-wife (42F) and I (41M) were married for ten years and had three kids (16M, 12M, 5M), we got divorced four years ago, no infidelity just two people who decided they had to grow apart, tbh we as a couple are terrible, I’m surprise we were together that long, we are good friends though and even better business partners, we own a small construction company 50/50.
Ever since we got divorced, we have both remarried, I married my wife two years ago and she married her husband a couple of months ago. My wife has tried to play a parent role with my kids, she has tried to discipline them, ground them, etc, I’ve stopped her explaining she isn’t a parent and the only ones who can decided those things about our kids, are Elizabeth (my ex) and I and she has stopped.
Last week Lizzy dropped my kids and let me know that Alex (16M) was grounded and couldn’t have his phone, so She told him to go to his room to which Alex replied: “I’m not in your house you know so I don’t have to listen to you” thus I said: “Go to your room, not because I say it but because your mom said so, this might not be her house but her word is as valid as mine”.
Alex went to his room and Lizzy left, two hours later my wife told me I humiliated her because while I “diminish her authority” by not letting her play a more important role in my kids lives, I “encourage” my ex-wife to act like if she was more important.
By “her word is as valid as mine” I meant regarding the kids and their lives, It doesn’t mean I’d let Lizzy disrespect my wife, apparently everyone is on my wife’s side, they say that I should have told Lizzy that her punishment wasn’t valid in my house, but I don’t think it was the right thing to do, she respects my decisions so I MUST respect hers.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex *is* “more important”. Those are her kids. They don’t stop being her kids and become your wife’s kids as soon as they enter your wife’s house. I don’t understand your wife on this matter. Does she need to discipline your kids because your kids disrespect her or disobey the rules of her house – but you won’t let her?” aemonds-sapphire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your current wife should be aiming for being a friendly sort of person in the kids life, not a disciplinarian. A step parent disciplining a kid rarely goes well. She should instead aim for being more like a fun and encouraging adult in their lives.” RainCityMomWriter
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for letting your ex punish your child. That is a no-brainer. But for telling your wife, she has zero ability to discipline the kids. You’re creating a precedent where the kids can run all over their step mom, and she has to sit there and take it.
I guess if you were up front about it before the marriage and she agreed, fine. But I’d be out in that scenario.” Fun_Concentrate_7844
2. AITJ For Asking My Pessimistic Friend Why She Had A Kid?
“I’ve had this friend let’s call her Laura for years and she’s a great person but she’s very dramatic, she really catastrophizes, one of those sky is falling kind of people.
I think it really started to bother me around 2016. I have generalized anxiety disorder (in treatment) and other mental health issues that I’ve always been up front about. Whenever she would really go off about how the political climate or gun violence or war or whatever and it was I would tell her that these discussions were raising my anxiety level and since we weren’t really being productive at a certain point I wanted to stop talking about them.
Not that we were disagreeing necessarily, just that she would go on about things like our generation is going to die broke or the earth is going to be on fire in twenty years or world war 3 is going to break out and I can only listen to so much of that kind of talk.
So over the years I’ve had multiple conversations trying to explain this to her and asking her to be aware of it and find other people if she needs to vent. She will do better for a while and then backslide.
Anyway, the other day I was hanging out with her and her toddler son (her only kid, idk if she’s planning to have more) and she was talking about current events again, specifically the heat wave and the wildfires and talking about how the earth would be unlivable in 20-30 years and I just asked her if she feels that way why did she have a kid, and things got really quiet and awkward and we kind of just changed the subject.
She must have repeated the conversation to some of our other friends because they texted me saying it was a really messed up thing to say to someone, which I know it was but I feel like she didn’t give the whole context. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Because it is a legit question. Why would you bring a child into the world if you think that world will be unsustainable in 20-30 yrs. Kid is going to be dead of miserable, according to her. Tone might be a problem, but it sounds like you’ve asked nicely for this sort of chatter to stop.
I think, for your MENTAL health, that it might be time to let this friend go. She has issues you can’t help with.” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. She sounds exhausting, and your exasperation is understandable. But ideally, you would have stuck with “You’re doing the catastrophizing thing again and I don’t have the bandwidth for it, sorry.” When you snap at someone and take a dig like that at how they’re leading their life, this is the kind of reaction you have to be prepared for.
You can’t really expect people to go, “Wow, you got me with your unassailable logic!” and give you a round of applause.” Shirley_Redemple
1. AITJ For Exposing My Mom's Secret Financial Support To Our Sick Relative?
“I (m23) come from a family (Caucasus), for whom family means everything. However, my parents moved to Western Europe for a better future for their four kids.
I’m the only sibling living at home with them now, and we barely get by financially.
Today, I overheard my mom on the phone with relatives discussing the medical expenses of her sick brother. Despite our financial struggles, my mom promised to pay for all the surgeries and tests, even suggesting that they ask her sister for funds in advance and she’ll return it later for her.
This secret financial support bothered me, as my dad and I carefully budget every expense.
Feeling upset, I confronted my mom about her actions, demanding she tells my dad or I will. She dismissed me and told me to mind my own business. Later, during dinner, I couldn’t shake off the thoughts, and my dad sensed something was off too.
When my mom left the table, I asked my dad if my mom had talked to him. He wasn’t sure what I meant, and my mom gave me angry looks.
That was it. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I confessed to my dad that my mom was sending funds in secret.
While I can (barely) manage my own salary, this money is essential for both of them to avoid extreme poverty. This turned into a heated argument, with my dad accusing my mom of manipulation. My mom insulted me, and I retaliated, saying she should confront her brother about his reliance on her.
Things escalated when I noticed an insurance letter on the table, revealing that my mom had medical expenses herself. I couldn’t help but sarcastically remark that she could use someone to pay her bills. With emotions running high, I left the room, and I can’t help but feel her actions have strained our family dynamic.
So, am I the jerk for exposing my mom’s secret financial support for our sick relative?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother was being deceitful and since her financial decisions also affect you and your father, and since giving this money to her brother was done behind everyone back and in violation of your budget, you were right to expose her.” passthebluberries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry this culture of sending family in other countries your hard earned money that you can barely afford to pay your own bills is just nuts! In no way is it your parents responsibility to pay someone else’s medical bills.” Artistic_Tough5005
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You‘re 23. If you don‘t like how your mother spends her money move out. Who are you to snitch? If her brother needs surgery it might be his life‘s in danger. Chances are finances of your family there are way worse then y‘alls in Western Europe.
Maybe she was afraid of your father‘s reaction, she don‘t seem to have enough autonomy about her own money. Ganging up on her is disgusting. Also: in which west european country there‘s no public health care so that your mom would have to pay for her important medical treatment all by herself?” Mammoth-Lab-4729
Neither you nor your (nearly adult) daughter have done anything wrong. Explain this to ex as gently as you can, but emphasize that she will lose her daughter if she doesn't stop with the tracking. I'm so sorry for you all.