People Grant Us The Opportunity To Criticize Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Dad's Family Christmas Get-Together?
“I (28f) really struggled as a teenager. I lost my mother suddenly when I was 14 and that really affected my mental health. I became very introverted and left school with no real friends. I was teased a lot, for various reasons but mostly because I was ‘sulky’ and I never had new things – I basically had the same pencil case, coat, and bag from 12-18.
To make matters worse, I had a form teacher (I think that’s like homeroom in America) who was always trying to be ‘friends’ with the popular kids, and therefore joined in on teasing me for my appearance and demeanor and just generally made me feel awful about myself.
Having few friends as a child, I was always really close to my father (53m).
That started to shift as I grew up. I have since moved away and have two sons. I have seen my father twice since 2020, and on both occasions it was him coming to us to see my sons.
Despite this, we talk/FaceTime multiple times a week, and he tells me about his dog and his life. I know he has been seeing someone since late 2021, and she and her two sons recently moved in with him, but I haven’t met her.
In a terrible turn of events, I ran into my father at a supermarket – nowhere near where I live, we were visiting my partner’s family and my father happened to be there to drive his partner’s son to a rugby match – and found out that his partner is the teacher that encouraged the class to bully me in school.
Since then, she has been divorced, so her surname is different, and I never knew her first name so I had no way of knowing this was her. To say I was mortified is an understatement. I do not think she recognized me, but it was very awkward, mostly on my end.
My father is trying to arrange a big Christmas get-together for our family. Since we have not spent Christmas with him since 2019, he is desperate for me and my sons to be there, but I have no interest in spending any time with this woman.
I have explained to him multiple times why, but he thinks my sons and I will ‘love her if we get to know her.’ But to me, this is an adult who made an already difficult part of my life even worse to impress a group of 14-year-olds.
My partner supports my decision not to attend, but I can tell it hurts my father. I know that this might be stupid or immature, that it has been 10 years since I saw her last and I could make small talk for the sake of my father, but I also know that I shall just be uncomfortable the entire time.
I had hoped to never see this woman again, and now she is living with my father. I know I should probably grow up and make peace with it, but whenever I think about seeing her I just remember how awful she made me feel for 4 years as a grieving teenager.
My father says not to dwell on the past but I just don’t think this is something I can forgive. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An adult bullied a hurting child that she had an authority role over. There is nothing redeemable about that. You have no obligation to have anything to do with her.
If your father knows how much she hurt you, he is a jerk for trying to force it. You don’t just get over that betrayal, by her or by your father.
I’ll never understand how a parent can build or keep a relationship with their child’s bully or abuser.
If you want to have a relationship with your father, see and talk to him on your terms and location. If that doesn’t work for you, cut him out of your life. You should make peace with it for yourself. You don’t need to make peace with her, or see her, or pretend it’s all ok.” My2Cents_503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are wrong about one thing though. ‘I know I should probably grow up and make peace with it’. As a grown woman, you are making your boundaries clean. This is the right behavior. You don’t need to treat everyone well.
Just because your dad decided to have your bully in your life, doesn’t mean you need to follow his lead. You are a separate person from him. He can do whatever he wants but also you can do whatever you want, including going low contact with your dad who doesn’t care about your ruined childhood.
Also, how can you know she won’t bully your kids now? Or she won’t keep treating you the same? You can’t. Sounds like she doesn’t even know she is wrong. She’s an adult bully. How can you know her kids are not going to bully yours?
That’s not a safe place for your family. Your dad is picking his pleasure over you.” professionaldrama-
22. WIBTJ If I Name My Baby My Brother's Deadname?
“I (26f) and my husband (28m) are expecting our first child. We have very different tastes when it comes to kid’s names and have literally been trading hard nos for months.
There are about 3 maybes that we neither hate nor love, so needless to say it hasn’t been an easy process. There is however one name we’re both in love with, unfortunately it’s my brother’s dead name. (The name he went by prior to transitioning in case anyone is unaware.)
I love the sound of the name and its meaning, but it holds particular sentimental value for my husband and his side of the family, as it’s the feminine version of his recently deceased grandfather’s name. It would be particularly meaningful as we found out we were expecting the day after his funeral so it was some much-needed good news during a rather gloomy time for the family.
His dad even shed a tear when my husband first suggested the name and I didn’t even see him cry at the actual funeral. They’ve never known my brother by this name (no one has used it in reference to him for over a decade), so I don’t think it’s that big a deal.
I do think it could be a little awkward at first but I feel like since it means so much to my husband, it’s unfair not to let him choose a name for our child that we both love. My brother said it’s disrespectful to his transition and is threatening to go low contact if we use the name.
Typically, even if I don’t agree, I tend to let my brother get his way as he gets quite dramatic and emotional and it’s usually just not worth the fallout. I am, however, willing to let this be the hill I die on if I’m in the right, because of how much it means to my husband and in-laws.
I obviously haven’t been in my brother’s shoes regarding transitioning so I’d love some outside perspective (especially if you’re trans but all opinions are more than welcome). So AITJ for intending to use the name?”
Another User Comments:
“You may of course choose whatever name you wish.
Your brother can choose to break contact with you over the hurt he feels at the disrespect for his feelings. This isn’t just sharing a name (I would not say wrong to have many people within a family with the same name). There are a great deal of emotions and many traumatic memories associated with the major life change your brother has experienced. I think saying he should get over it – is very disrespectful of his feelings and his journey.
Is the name worth losing your brother? Only you know that. I would never hurt my sibling in this matter.” shelltrice
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, you’ve dug yourself into a bit of a hole here by even mentioning the name to your in-laws before checking with your brother.
I feel for you because names are a nightmare and I’m normally not one to let anyone dictate what you call your kid, but yeah YTJ here.
He may be ‘dramatic’ in general, but a person’s deadname can be incredibly triggering within the context of their family.
I’m sure he hears of other people with the same name all the time, but for you to purposefully give it to your child, so he will once again hear that name spoken constantly on his parents’ lips… dude. Have a little compassion and choose another name.
You’ll probably have to have it as a middle name now seeing as you’ve got your in-laws emotionally invested in it. Bit of a mess, good luck.” Boohookazoo
21. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend That She's Cheap?
“My birthday was recently and my dad bought me a nails course that I’ve been wanting for a while, my friend also wanted this course but her parents told her that they won’t pay for it so she can either pay for it herself or just not do it.
She has the money as she’s been working all summer and a little before in the school year but now she’s hesitant to use it and it’s just been lying in her bank account.
Two days ago I had my celebration with my friends and one of them asked what I got for my birthday and when I told them about my dad’s gift my friend who also wanted to do the course looked at me with a hurt face and asked her I could do this to her.
I looked at her funny because I thought that she would be the most excited for me and just joked that now she could finally take the course as well and that we could do it together.
She snapped at me that she’s not shallow like me and that she’s not going to spend so much money on such a thing, at that point I started to get annoyed but tried to brush it off with a ‘Well, I’m already paying my nail tech a small fortune and that I might as well invest now to save in the future.’
She snapped at me again that just because my dad pays for everything I want doesn’t make me better. I told her that my dad doesn’t pay for everything I have and that she knows it considering the amount of times I canceled on them because I needed to work.
She glared and started yelling and crying. Finally, I snapped at her that just because she’s cheap doesn’t mean that I’m shallow, and told her to leave (we were all at my house), my friend group except for my guy best friend left with her, and no one’s spoken to me since.
Now I love my guy friend but there’s only so much gym talk I can take about how he’s on a cut or whatever and I really want my other friends back, but I don’t know if I should apologize because I don’t think I did anything wrong but I could be wrong, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made your gift all about her feelings – her wants, desires, priorities, and choices. Then wanted you to feel bad for getting a great gift from your dad – because you should not be center stage of your own life, but rather be a bit player in hers.
And as your only true function is as a bit player in her life, your priority on your birthday should be to safeguard her feelings. Feelings that she brought on herself because of her own choices.
A true friend would be happy for you. Find some better friends.
Perhaps at the course? Good luck & take care of yourself.” Some-Selection1811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have no control over the gift your dad decided to give you. You also have no control over your friend’s parents not giving her the same gift And you have no control over what she spends her money on.
None of this was your fault. And your friend tried to make your birthday about herself. That was incredibly rude of her.
I’m sorry but if your other friends left with her and didn’t defend you, they might not be very good friends. Do you really want people like that in your life?
It might be time to try to find some better friends.” Ok-Amphibian-9422
20. AITJ For Not Giving My Best Friend Any More Money?
“I (31F) have been friends with my best friend Jill (26F) for a number of years now. She and I have been through a lot of ups and downs together, but have been solid in our friendship the entire time.
Jill and her husband had a child 3 years ago and I love them to death. I would do anything possible for them. Jill has been very vocal in her desire for another baby and is trying to conceive again.
Jill and her husband struggle financially.
In a very big way. Every month, they ask people for money to cover rent or their other bills, but then constantly order out or indulge in their habits when they have ‘spare money.’ I have helped them several times as well, as I don’t want to see them be evicted.
About 6 months ago, I came into an inheritance when my great-aunt passed away. It wasn’t much, but enough for me to have a nice starter retirement fund and some money for an upcoming vacation for my husband and me. Jill asked me if I could help her, and I ended up giving her a somewhat large amount of money (more than just a couple hundred dollars, but nothing crazy) so she could keep caught up on bills for a couple of months.
However, she ended up spending it all and saving none of it.
Yesterday she called and asked if I could help her, as she needed groceries. I said I had already helped her immensely and declined to give her more money, but offered to buy her some groceries.
Jill complained, saying that I should help her family because I was not struggling like she and her child were. I became angry and said ‘And you want another one when you can’t even care for the one you have now without handouts from everyone?’ Jill became upset, called me a jerk, and hung up.
She is now not speaking to me.
My husband is on my side, but I feel bad for blowing up at her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her not speaking to you seems like a win since she’s always asking for money when she does speak.
While you were 100% correct, you can’t say it if you want to keep her as a friend. Nobody likes another commenting on their parenting.
If you’re ready to cut them loose, walk away knowing you’re right. If you want to preserve the friendship, you’re probably going to have to apologize for overstepping.
From now on, just stick with ‘I can’t do that right now’ when asked for money. Do not elaborate and do not discuss it.” RedneckDebutante
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or, to put it better, YTJ to yourself. Jill is clearly an entitled person: saying ‘You should help her family because you are not struggling like she and her child are’ is a very stupid thing to say.
She is no helpless child, but an adult who can’t manage her finances and only relies on other people’s help.
Those who help her are really only enabling her, and it is about time someone put a stop to it.
You might end up losing that ‘friendship’, but is this entitled, whining person who is using you and others as an ATM worth being friends with?
Friendship requires a kind of reciprocation: what does she do for you? Is she supportive of you or is she only ready to pounce on you once she knows you have come by some extra money?
You blew up at her out of a reasonable exasperation.
You said out loud what everybody has been thinking privately. Don’t feel bad; if anything, she is the one who should feel bad for her disastrous choices and her unwillingness to mature and be able to manage her own life.” Mapilean
19. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Pay Me $1000 After They Ate All Our Food?
“I’ve been seeing ‘Jack’ for 2 years now but we live separately due to the kids and just want to make sure this is 100% all in before uprooting them. I have 2 sons (13-year-old twins) and 1 daughter (11). He has 1 daughter (13). We do weekend stays together twice a month so far and there’s never been any major issues honestly.
The girls have gotten into a few petty arguments but other than that, no big problems. I spend around $1000 a month on food and that covers me and my kids + Jack and his daughter for the two visits a month. I do a lot of meal prep and couponing.
Last month my mother asked me and my kids to go to her place in Louisiana to help her move out of her home and into a 50+ community. It made me feel more comfortable to have my house occupied in my absence to keep the dehumidifiers and everything running (huge moisture issues and I don’t want anything to mold or rust) so I asked Jack if he and his daughter wanted to stay at my place for 2 weeks in our absence to keep everything running smoothly.
I gave it a 2-week time frame but was unsure of how long it would actually take. I knew the drive alone would be 2 days there and 2 days back. He agreed. I did my monthly shop before leaving and spent $1,092. I told them they could have some of my food when we were gone so maybe this is my fault.
But anyway, we got back 2 days ago (4 days before the 2-week mark) and found my house in ruin, practically. Dirty dishes on the counters and table, dirty clothes throughout the living room and bedrooms (mine and my daughter’s – where they slept). I keep my house clean so this caused a lot of panic on my end (grew up in a hoarder house so I take pride in a clean home).
But the one thing that truly tipped me over the edge was finding that they went through at least 90% of the food I bought before leaving, in less than 2 weeks.
We were left with a single pack of hamburgers, all the veggies, and a few boxes of pasta.
Jack started scrambling when we entered the home, saying ‘Sorry, I was gonna clean before you got back but I didn’t expect you so soon’. I just gave a hushed ‘Please leave’. He and his daughter left. But after giving it some thought, I told him he had to reimburse us for the $1000 worth of food that he and his daughter ate.
I told him their intake was absolutely repulsive. That I said he could have some, not eat everything in the house and leave us with nothing. He said that he had allowed his kid to have her friends over and they ate a lot but he shouldn’t have to give me $1000, given that I told him they could eat the food.
That I have more than enough money (true) and he doesn’t (also true). I still want to be reimbursed, however. And yes, we split up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“His input is mildly understandable I guess until he brought up the fact his daughter’s friends were around.
I feel like it’s common knowledge and courtesy to not invite people over to a house you’ll occupy that you know isn’t yours unless you’ve cleared it with the homeowner/primary resident.
I feel like the money issue specifically is definitely reasonable and more than understandable.
I think he should owe you that money. The implication ‘some’ obviously doesn’t mean all and he shouldn’t assume that he can have 2 weeks worth of food for him and his daughter. Maybe he misheard you, but I can’t imagine he did. NTJ.” IslandVivid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were there to take care of your home, not to have a vacation. And why did Jack think it would be OK for his daughter to invite friends over to basically party at your house? There was absolutely no excuse for the two of them not cleaning up after themselves.
It doesn’t matter when you were expected home. They should have taken better care of your home. I don’t care if you have money to replace the food, or if you told Jack that he and his daughter could have some of your food.
They took advantage of you.
Maybe you won’t get the $1000. But I think that Jack should have at least paid to have someone come in and clean up his mess if he didn’t.
Also, if you have 6 bedrooms, why doesn’t Jack’s daughter have space of her own? That she messed up your daughter’s room so badly is really despicable.” MerryMoose923
18. AITJ For Suggesting My Fiancee Takes An Uber To My Sister's House?
“It’s a nice Sunday afternoon. My plan is to walk to my sister’s house (an hour away) and watch my football team play live on television. It’ll be dark once the game finishes, so I’ll take an Uber back.
We don’t have cars and are also trying to save money (wedding to pay for and much more). My fiancee plans to stay at our home, read, relax, and watch TV.
So I make the walk to my sister’s. After about forty minutes there – and about twenty minutes into the game – I get a call from my fiancee.
She’s in tears and has accidentally locked herself out of the house while picking up a food delivery to the home. She wants me to come back and use my key to let her in the house.
My first job was to calm her down.
Then I had to convince her not to try and break our side door down so she could get in. Then a solution occurs to me. I told her to take an Uber to my sister’s. Then, I’d Uber us both back home in an hour when the game is over.
That way my fiancee was not locked outside in the cold and I still get to watch the game. She didn’t want to do this. There was no real reason why besides her just not wanting to. She wanted to carry on with her evening plans in our home.
I didn’t force the issue. I expressed that I wanted to stay and watch the game and my solution works for everyone, but it’s her choice. I’d come if she insists on not coming. Otherwise, she could come here for an hour until we went back together.
She eventually took an Uber to join me at my sister’s. We watched the match for another 45 minutes then I called an Uber back home. The whole time, she’s annoyed at me, barely speaking to me. She thinks I should have simply come back to ours when she called and stopped what I wanted to do that evening to amend her mistake.
My contention is that my solution was the best of both worlds! The way we did it, she was not locked outside of the house in the cold AND my whole plans for the night weren’t scuppered.
I basically feel like she’s expressing: ‘What I wanted to do that night is more important than what you wanted.’ And what’s more, I don’t see how she can have an issue with the solution we came to: her coming to my sister’s for an hour and then us going home together.
It’s not like we got home late. It was 6 pm. The Uber one-way is cheap too. So, SHOULD I have gone straight back home when she called? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You provided an equitable solution AND told her that you’ll come if she insists.
It’s not YOUR fault she locked herself out. That was a big ask on her part. Why is it on you to suffer the consequences of her mistake when she can easily come to you and return with you.” Prize-Bumblebee-2192
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She was careless with her keys so she created the problem. You provided a reasonable solution that she ended up accepting. So she should let it go and get on with her life. Her position – that you should have returned immediately – is somewhat spoiled and entitled.” FragrantEconomist386
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother's Fiancee For Micromanaging Me?
“My (29f) brother ‘Oliver’ (32m) is marrying ‘Jane’ (32f) in the new year. Jane asked me to be her maid of honor which I wasn’t really happy about because I’m busy and don’t live close by, nor am I close with her, but she begged and said she isn’t close with her family and she really wanted me to do it so I agreed.
I have planned several events at her behest – her fittings, and her venue, tasting, flower, and musician appointments, all very well organized and in a timely manner. I have also organized her bridal shower, which will take place in January.
Jane has micromanaged everything I’ve done and complained to the point that several times I’ve considered telling her to just do it herself.
I am very good at organizing things and I know for a fact I have done things well and properly and within the specifications that she has given me so I’ve been really annoyed at her constant attitude.
Last night we were at a family dinner and Jane brought up the shower, and once again I went through the checklist with her and told her everything was organized and in place (mind you, she has access to the documents to check all these things herself she just would rather bug me about it apparently).
Jane got snippy and said she felt like I was only doing all this because I ‘had to’, which really set me off. I told her under no circumstances did I have to, that I was doing her a favor and she should remember that this was a courtesy, not an obligation before she treated me like an indentured servant.
Jane got very upset and she and Oliver left early.
Oliver called today and said I’d really hurt Jane’s feelings and made her feel indebted to me for doing something that most people consider an honor. I said that’s fine but I never had, in fact, I told Jane it would be difficult and she insisted, and I caved to be nice but she’s taking liberties.
Oliver and Jane are now mad at me, and my parents are saying I was too harsh. My partner thinks I did the right thing because he knows how unpleasant this has all been but I’m wondering if I took it too far by emphasizing that I didn’t want to do it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my opinion, a bride can get a little snippy or a little demanding when it comes to their Maid of Honor – if there’s a long, positive relationship. I mean, I could put up with some nonsense from my best friend, but… that’s a dude that’s been there for me at the worst times, and done a lot of things for me.
So it’s reciprocity.
For this, for you, though… basically someone as close as a work acquaintance is asking you for those same privileges without the good parts. If that makes sense. So… no. She needs to remember what she’s asking, and who she’s asking, and be grateful she has you.
Hmmm, I wonder why she couldn’t ask any of HER friends or family to do it… does she not have any? Is this kind of thing maybe the reason why?” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“Truthfully you’re NTJ. She begged you. You have everything organized. She could have found someone else if she didn’t like how things were running.
She could have done it all herself. Well, the bridal shower the bridesmaids or maid of honor usually throws, but the rest, she could have dealt with herself and sounds like she just wants to be nitpicky about everything.
As for her fiance being upset about you upsetting her, he’s either looking blindly away from everything or doesn’t see what she’s doing.
As for your parents, do they not realize everything that has been going on? If they don’t then that’s probably why they are reacting like they are. But also SIL came to you begging for your help and wanting you to be in it knowing you were busy and lived farther away.
If they are going to continue to treat you like they are I would say I’m no longer available. I’m sure that your partner will understand where you are coming from and everyone else would be upset with you but for your peace and peace of mind, I wouldn’t want to be involved anymore.” Muscles_and_Tattoos
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Beg My Sister To Spend Christmas With Us?
“I (34F) haven’t had a relationship with my sister Amy (37F) since she screwed me over while I was having a miscarriage. One of my jobs is running a family business with siblings/mom, the other is at a hospital. My sister gave herself a raise/promotion behind everyone’s back.
Then abruptly quit her other job the next day. None of us were having that and called her out during an emergency team meeting. She apologized and we all decided to revisit this in a month or so.
I had the option of getting that raise/promotion, we were thinking of flipping a coin or discussing more to figure it out.
I ended up miscarrying a few weeks later. I’m depressed and in pain and Amy texts me that it’s been a month and I need to make a decision now if I’m interested in ‘taking her job’. I told her I needed time while I went through this and that I was not in a position to make any big decisions.
I said, ‘If anything changes we will discuss it as a team and give you as much time as you need to get another job (if I won the coin toss).’
Amy’s a nurse, and could easily get hired back at the hospital.
A week later my mom (78F, owner, semi-retired) announced Amy would permanently take on that promotion/increased pay.
I no longer had the opportunity. No warning or team meeting, just a text that my sister wrote on behalf of my mom (my mom admitted this to me later).
If you haven’t picked up on it, Amy is controlling, bullying, self-righteous, impatient, and unyielding.
She’s only close with my mom (who is very passive). No friends really and my other sister (42F) doesn’t speak to Amy either for different reasons.
I stopped speaking to my mom and Amy. Mom apologized and initiated going to therapy to work on our relationship.
I agreed and things got better. We hired a mediator to establish new policies so things like this don’t happen again. One of the policies was a bereavement leave for things like miscarriages. Amy said she doesn’t think anyone should get bereavement leave for a miscarriage and that people would take advantage of it.
Everyone disagreed with her… At this point she still hadn’t apologized so this made me feel better about cutting her out of my life.
My brother/mom wants me to get over it. My brother got annoyed with me for not inviting her to my 10-person birthday breakfast…
I’m always polite and professional at work, but that’s the most of a relationship I want with her and I think that’s fair.
My mom asked my other sister and me to encourage Amy to come to Christmas after Amy randomly sent out a text saying they wouldn’t be joining this year.
I told my mom no, she’s an adult and it’s up to her. If she does come I’ll be polite and keep my distance. My mom got mad and acted like I was in the wrong. I do feel bad thinking about her 3-year-old not coming though.
Her daughter is so sweet and loves her cousins, aunties, uncles, and grandma.
AITJ for not wanting to contact my sister to ask her to come to Christmas after she screwed me over while I was miscarrying a baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Forgiveness is not ‘pretend it didn’t happen so I’m not uncomfortable’.
Forgiveness is taking back the power the other person stole and that can take a long freaking time. ‘Mom, I know you’re upset about Amy, but the truth is that I don’t consider her family anymore. At best, she’s a colleague that I find distasteful.
And who would beg a colleague to come to a family event?’
Mom will freak but DNA doesn’t make family. Bonds of trust, love, and respect do. She doesn’t have any of that so drop the rope.” Sugar_Mama76
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Amy and your mom for doing this behind your back but… you sound pretty entitled.
There are people who have miscarriages or lose a family member who aren’t able to take more than a day off work or they can’t pay rent.
Maybe your mom, who you said is semi-retired, needed someone to step up. Not saying it’s your fault you were unable to but complaining about asking for the shot to do the job when you were at the time, unable to do it, I don’t know.
Maybe it shows your mom that you won’t be reliable if things come up in the future or something like that. Again not your fault but at the end of the day, it is your mom’s business, not yours.” throwaway1_2_0_2_1
Another User Comments:
“She had a choice to be a compassionate person and sister or to be a self-centered jerk. She was at that crossroads several times and at every turn chose not to be compassionate and be just about her wants and needs. Maybe even it was the right decision for the business but it was not done in the right way for your family.
She probably did that to your other sister too as she too cut her out.
You can love someone and not like them. That’s where you are right now. She downgraded you from family to someone she works with and did it enough that now your blinders are off.
Of course your brother and mom are inconvenienced by that, they enabled it, and they weren’t hurt by her like you and the other sister. It’s not your job to build a new bridge after she torched your ‘family’ bridge. I’m not sure she even cares much.
It’s your mom/brother that cares.
Their hurt about the estrangement is their hurt. Not your responsibility. You shouldn’t woo her just to appease them. You accepted your role in her life as a coworker, she’s not your friend, and she doesn’t care as family should, why would you want to spend time with her after work hours are done?
Family is not a right it’s a privilege, you keep working on your relationship or you lose it, she forfeited yours a long time ago. NTJ.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
15. AITJ For Wearing My Wedding Dress To My Friend's Wedding?
“I (20F) married my husband two years ago. We aren’t rich and don’t care that much about weddings, so I wore my prom dress to my wedding. It’s not a super fancy dress or anything, it’s basically a long sequin dress in deep dark blue with one sleeve.
My friend Ciara (22F) was attending my wedding. Since the wedding, I have worn it on a few occasions because it’s basically the only fancy dress I own.
Recently, Ciara was getting married and I was obviously invited. The wedding color scheme was dark blue and she requested fancy attire, so I thought my dark blue dress would be fine.
It’s not white and it’s not even remotely close to a wedding dress. I also didn’t feel like wasting money on another fancy dress that I wouldn’t ever wear again, especially since we weren’t rich.
So I showed up at her wedding in my dark blue sequin dress.
It wasn’t standing out or anything, most of the guests were wearing even fancier dresses. However, when Ciara saw me, she lost it.
She yelled at me in front of all the guests, in front of her husband and my husband, saying that what I did was horrible and that no one shows up at a wedding in a wedding dress.
I tried to reason with her, saying that the dress isn’t a wedding dress, it’s the only fancy piece of clothing I own, I wore it on multiple occasions before and after my wedding. She didn’t listen and kept yelling at me to the point her bridesmaids and her husband started trying to calm her down.
She also said a bunch of unsavory names to me.
I was very upset with the drama and decided to leave with my husband. Then I started getting texts from Ciara, who blamed me for upstaging her on her wedding day, for driving a wedge between her and her husband since he said that she overreacted massively and upset her friend over a dress.
I decided to ignore them because I thought she was being unreasonable, but a part of me thinks that I was a jerk because I wore the dress to my own wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and just ignore her and don’t let it bother you.
That in no way resembles a wedding dress. And even if you had arrived in full white lace and taffeta regalia with a 50-foot train, the right thing for her to do would be to ignore it and act gracious, and then everyone would be impressed with her and you would look like the jerk.
Instead, she acted like a five-year-old throwing a tantrum.
Take comfort in knowing that she ruined her own wedding. The only thing anyone is going to remember about her wedding now, forever, is that she had a gigantic meltdown over a dress and acted like a jerk.
That’s on her.” Junior-Fox-760
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ruin her wedding, her throwing a massive temper tantrum, that was witnessed by everyone and more than likely recorded by at least several people was what ruined her wedding.
You don’t need to justify why you only own one fancy dress, many women own at least one or two – a floor length and a cocktail length – and that is enough to get them through many situations and events.
You also smartly bought a dress that went from prom to your wedding and several events without issue, until now. Well done on that purchase. You were smart to leave and even more so to ignore the continued harassment. I wish you all the best with your fancy dress, hopefully you can wear it again soon and have some real fun!” TheatreWolfeGirl
14. AITJ For Not Paying Attention To Prices When I Shop?
“I’m engaged to Matt.
Matt was raised by a single mom Tina. It was the first time Tina came to stay with us over Thanksgiving.
I get that there is some class difference. Tina worked mainly in restaurant and retail jobs to make ends meet. My mom is an engineer and my dad is a lawyer.
Tina stayed on our couch and immediately tried to make me into this thrifty housewife for her son although I’m currently making more than him as he’s finishing his post-grad internship.
It became hostile about things like our hand soap in the bathroom.
Kitchen towels and trash bags. We got into a major fight over them. I normally just use the trash bags that originally came with our trash can.
I never really paid attention to the price but after we got back from grocery shopping and I didn’t get stove top stuffing or mashed potatoes she was mad at me.
She didn’t like the grocery store I chose to get our mini Thanksgiving dinner.
We went to our loft and she started yelling at me about how I didn’t need to shop the way I do and that I needed to wise up money-wise and not waste her son’s money.
Again I make 6 figures while her son is wrapping up his internship but after that, he should match or exceed my pay in two years so the price of milk and trash bags is not something I think of.
I told her that. I don’t know what happened but she starts crying saying about how horrible I am.
I got angry at her and left her in the loft and texted Matt about her. I went to stay with my sister and her partner who live on the other side of the city overnight. They were planning to come to our mini Thanksgiving (this is Wednesday night).
Matt asked if we could now skip hosting because his mom is not in a good place and I upset her. They ended up eating the turkey I was going to prepare and then made Matt rush to get stovetop stuffing and instant potatoes. He dropped the overnight bag off at my sister’s.
Normally Matt and my sister have a good relationship but she yelled at him.
His mom left but Matt thinks we should discuss finances. My whole family heard about what happened over trash bags and Matt canceling Thanksgiving. My family is angry at him and his mom.
My mom thinks I should cancel the engagement but Matt and his mom think I’m awful for just leaving his mom crying in the apartment and I acted like a ‘snobby diva’ to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Matt needs to have a talk with his mom and explain that YOU are currently the breadwinner and that you and he make financial decisions about how the two of you shop for YOUR household, and if she has issues she should speak to him about them.
If he won’t… you have a fiance problem, not a MiL problem.
She berated and belittled you in your own home because she ‘didn’t like the grocery store you went to’ to shop for the Thanksgiving YOU AND MATT were hosting, at which she was a GUEST, and then got upset that you didn’t console her AFTER SHE PICKED A FIGHT AND BERATED YOU.
Your fiance took her side, canceled Thanksgiving for your family, and ate the food you bought and were going to prepare with his mom. Because you ‘upset her’ – never mind that she started it and she upset you! In your house! If she wanted specifically Stovetop stuffing and mashed potatoes, she could have gone to a different store to buy them, asked you if the two of you could go to a store that had them after you finished the other shopping, or texted Matt to ask him to pick them up.
She instead started criticizing and berating you because she wanted to go to a different grocery store than the one you were shopping at, and in the process indicated that she doesn’t respect you, doesn’t understand, or doesn’t believe that you are the primary breadwinner right now or that you could ever earn your own money, and that she will always see you as inadequate and a drain on ‘her son’s money’ and she’ll cover for that by calling you a snob and saying YOU upset HER.
And it works on your fiance. They both owe you serious apologies, but man… is he worth it?” lawfox32
Another User Comments:
“I think it is important that she complained about how you ‘waste’ her son’s money. This implies either that Matt has given her the wrong impression about your respective salaries, or that she has a funny attitude that the money always belongs to the man.
Or both.
Whatever the explanation, she overstepped her bounds by trying to control and criticize how you shop. Your spending, or Matt’s, is not hers to control. I don’t think you should fix this by disclosing that your salary is higher than Matt’s because it’s private information.
(Sometimes if you give people private information, they’ll misuse it in the future.)
I think it’s problematic that, for Thanksgiving, you had to leave your own home and go to stay with your sister. I think it’s problematic that his mother was calling you ‘horrible’ over an argument stemming from what you spent on trash bags and mashed potatoes.
I think it’s problematic that you didn’t get to eat the turkey you bought. And now Matt thinks you should discuss finances.
I mean, ok, you probably SHOULD. Couples should have many discussions about finances. But this seems instigated by his mother’s strange reasoning over minuscule grocery issues and suggests that Matt may be unable to draw a line and keep his mother out of your private financial conversations.” Reasonable-Sale8611
13. AITJ For Feeling Ready To Shut Out My Half-Brother From My Life?
“My mom died when I was 7. My dad met someone else 2 years later, let’s call her C, and 2 years after that they got married. When they were together, she seemed great. After she and my dad got engaged, her sweetness abruptly stopped.
Her 1st son, J, was born 11 months later. He shared my room. I was 11. I took on feedings, diaper changes, etc. When I came home from school, C would hand me J and storm out of the house. When I babysat, C scheduled dates at the same time & made me cancel so I could babysit J & X (next bro) for free.
I kept money in a shoebox under my bed, about $300. I mentioned this to her, and soon $40 went missing. I thought it was my big brother. C screamed that it was irresponsible to keep it under my bed and it was my fault the $$ was gone because it should have been in a bank.
At 14 I started working. With my consent, C transferred $100 a week from my bank account to ‘reimburse’ what they invested in me to learn a sport: $10,000. I later learned she never told my dad she was taking the money. She did this for 3 years – over $15,000 – and fostered resentment in my dad over the $10,000.
She ran up debt and pinned the blame for the financial strain on me.
When I and my full siblings went to college, we each had about $40k in 529s from my mom. All three of us received full military scholarships. I decided to get out of the military, & said I wanted to use my 40k instead.
I had a full ride my first year & it was enough to cover 3 years of tuition. I was bullied & ostracized for using the money. I covered room & board working odd jobs. I scraped $500 a month: $400 to cover a bedroom & $3/day for food.
Once I called home and asked C for a 1-week loan to help cover rent. She screamed that I was an entitled communist. When I came home, all of my stuff had been boxed & put in the attic, my childhood bed sold, etc.
She told my full sibs that they would get half of the $80k in their accounts.
C asked if the other $40k could roll down to J & X for their college. C spent the money on a down payment for a lake house instead.
Eventually, I was very angry and depressed. I would have explosive episodes and call C selfish.
She would dissolve into tears – full-on wailing – and call everyone she knew. This went on for years until I finally got help and the explosive episodes stopped. It also helped to get wealthy. C is now much nicer to me.
C felt that I had a ‘target’ on her for ‘years.’ She has never admitted that she stole at least $50k from us.
I maintain a truce only bc I want to have a relationship with my dad.
Now J is in his 20s and is mad at me for ‘the way I treated mom all these years’ and said that I’m a ‘malignant narcissist.’ C feels that she was victimized by me and J is justified in sending hate texts.
I’m freezing J out. C thinks I need to ‘be patient and work through things’ with J just like she ‘did with me.’ But I have a job, a family & my own mental health to manage. I’m ready to just shut him out.
I also do not feel bad about the things I said to C.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your step-brother needs to get off the internet. Just because someone does something they don’t like doesn’t make them a ‘narcissist’. That’s not how it works.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that can only be diagnosed by a professional.
That aside, C exploited you. She took money from you under the guise of help offsetting your sports fees and used it for other expenses. She was financially abusive and lied to your father about it. She used tears to manipulate the situation to her benefit.
She was not the victim here; she was the perpetrator. She deserves no sympathy whatsoever.
Great that she got help, but that doesn’t absolve her of the abuse she heaped on you beforehand. J has involved himself in something that does not concern him. Shut him out.
He has been sold a story since birth and no amount of evidence will change his mind; his mom is blameless, you are not.
You owe neither of these chuckleheads the time of day. Be done with him and go on your way.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“You need to walk away from everything and everyone because it will destroy your mental health. In the end, you won’t get back any money or the validation for all the wrong they did to you.
People like this never change. You have to be okay with them assuming you are a narcissist. After all, they might just be projecting.
You need to take care of yourself first and the family you have. Sometimes people won’t change but you can choose to walk away which is very hard.” Fit_Appointment9164
Then complete your revenge on C by being happy and taking joy in the family you've created and the life you've built for yourself. Narcissists like C absolutely can't stand seeing other people happy. Continue to make her miserable.
12. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Taking My Chinese Ornate Hand Fan?
“My wife got two tickets to some play from her supervisor, who gave them away since she couldn’t attend the play herself. The tickets are worth 40$ each, so my wife wanted to give her supervisor a gift to thank her.
She looked around our apartment for some stuff that could make for fine gifts, she took a bunch of stuff that was lying around, most of which I don’t care about too much so that’s fine.
But then, she insisted on taking a souvenir I got from one of my travels abroad (which dates from before I met her). It’s not a particularly valuable trinket, it’s an ornate hand fan I bought in China when I visited the country. It looks good, but really it must not have cost more than 5-10$.
But still, I told her I wanted to keep that. Every time I travel I like bringing back souvenirs, which I then put on a shelf. I never buy anything particularly expensive, but those items have sentimental value to me. I like looking at them and being reminded of my travels, and I like having a growing collection of souvenirs that represent where I went and what I did.
She took the hand fan anyway, I repeated many times that I didn’t want her to take it, but she refused to listen. She even got upset at me for insisting that I wanted to keep that and told me that she’d buy me a new one.
I obviously don’t care about the utilitarian part of the item, just its symbolic one, so buying a new one is worthless to me.
I realize that it’s a small thing to be upset about, but I still feel like asking not to give away souvenirs is a reasonable request. I haven’t done anything bad to get back at my wife, but I’m upset over it and intend to remind her if she insists on giving the hand fan away.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is a major jerk.
‘I realize that it’s a small thing to be upset about’. This is NOT a small thing. This is your wife COMPLETELY disregarding your feelings and your stuff.
Go into her room and donate her cosmetics, or a pair of her favorite shoes – and see how SHE reacts when you do the same thing she does.
Demand couples therapy, or consider a divorce. Or even better: Tell her if she does this, you will contact her supervisor, tell him she had no right to give your stuff away, and demand that he return your property. And if he refuses, you will contact HIS boss.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s actually not a small thing. It’s a huge betrayal. To the point of being a possible deal-breaker for me. She gave stuff away knowing it had sentimental value. She had zero regard for your feelings. Honestly, if my spouse did this I would tell them to produce the item or file for divorce.
It’s completely unacceptable behavior.” Tomboyish717
I like Excellent-Count4009's idea of taking something of hers that she values and giving it away, and then asking her how it feels. And schedule marriage counseling immediately, because she needs a knot jerked in her by someone neutral. Good luck.
11. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Ex For Dropping His Son Off At My Place When His Partner Was Giving Birth?
“I (32f) had been married to my ex ‘Dan’ (35m) for 6 years before we divorced at the end of 2020 due to him having an affair with ‘Kate’.
Kate and Dan have a son who is 3 who was conceived and born during the global crisis while I was under high risk and their entire affair has cost me some of my physical health, not just mental one.
After the divorce, Dan moved out of my house and we haven’t spoken since.
Last week Dan suddenly dropped his son at my house without giving me any warning or explanation. He only mumbled that Kate was giving birth to their second child and needed him in the delivery room due to complications.
He left before I could protest and I have tried texting and calling him multiple times and have received no reply. I do not know why he thought it was a good idea as I had plans and they definitely don’t involve someone else’s child.
I ended up calling the police and told them what happened, explained it is not my child and I haven’t agreed to look after him and his dad is not responding. They took the child and I didn’t hear anything until very early hours of the same day when my ex called me calling me a jerk as the cops found them in the hospital and basically forced him out of the delivery room so he could look after his child so he missed the birth of his second and Kate had some complications so she is in intensive care.
He also started shouting saying that his and Kate’s parents are living at opposite ends of the country and have medical conditions which mean they can’t look after his son. I told him that he should have used his brain cells and thought about it in advance instead of dumping the product of his affair at my house, knowing that he and I are not civil, but was called an even bigger jerk.
I have mentioned this to some of my family and friends and while some people are on my side, others agree with my ex saying I should have looked after the kid and was a jerk for calling the cops.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean, I do feel for that poor kid, being dropped off at a total stranger’s house, who then calls the police, and the police take him to his dad and his dad is stressed and furious.
That must have been a really traumatizing night for him. But YOU didn’t decide to traumatize the boy like that: his dad did.
OF COURSE his dad should have figured out ahead of time what the plan was for looking after a three-year-old if his mom had to go to the hospital. OF COURSE the plan should not have included ‘dump boy on ex with no notice.'” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are people they can hire in advance for this, who get to know the child and can stay with them. If you know you don’t have family locally, you make provisions. Or stay with the kid, his partner was in the hospital, she’s safer and probably less scared than a kid dumped with a stranger (to them).
Going to the police feels harsh, but there’s no alternative beyond keeping the kid for an unknown length of time when you might have work, possibly don’t have a place for them to sleep, etc. The police are the first point of contact to link up with the people who can properly take care of a child whose parents can’t.” Embarrassed_Bass22
10. AITJ For Going To A Christmas Concert With My Family?
“My husband and I (40s) have two teenage kids. Every year we travel away for a short Christmas break.
This year I booked a couple of activities for us all to do. I don’t always do this, most years we just find things to do once we arrive. One year I distinctly remember him telling me I should have booked some things to do in advance.
This year I booked a couple of family activities. Nothing major. One included a one-hour Christmas concert for us to go to. Cheap and cheerful. It was a ten-minute walk from our hotel. It started raining 30 minutes before time to leave but I thought it would be ok as we had umbrellas.
My husband clearly thought otherwise.
Out of nowhere, he stopped speaking to me. I had to push to find out what the issue was.
In a nutshell, he didn’t want to go. He said I wasn’t letting him enjoy the holiday. That I wasn’t letting him do what he wanted to relax, that I had napped today (for an hour) and left him to entertain the kids.
I said fine if you don’t want to go just say so. His response is that then I will make him feel bad about not going. Then he just stared out of the window basically ignoring us. Meanwhile time to leave is ticking closer and I’m stuck not knowing what to do next.
When this happens I get super stressed out. I don’t know what to do. What do I say? I’m filled with anxiety. I asked the kids what they wanted to do and they said they wanted to go. So I said fine we will go.
My husband then also decided to come. So now we are walking down the street in the rain. I’m sad and stressed, I’m hoping we can have a good night and I don’t know what to do. Then suddenly he says screw this I’m not going, and walks away.
We went to the show without him. I felt sick most of the show. I don’t know what I did wrong. Tell me if I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he is annoyed at you for (checks notes) having a nap so he had to be a parent for an hour as well as (checks notes) organizing some activities as he has previously said you should.
Besides, your kids are teenagers, how much ‘entertaining’ did he have to do for them? You actually have two teenagers and a toddler. Unfortunately for you, you married the toddler.
Ask him if he needs his nappy changed. The fact that you felt sick for most of the show is evidence that he does this sort of thing quite often and it is adversely affecting your health.
It sounds like emotional abuse – I could be wrong but that is the impression I get.” another_online_idiot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t bring him next year. Sounds like he’s not interested in being a husband or father so why bother bringing him on a FAMILY holiday?
The kids are TEENAGERS. It’s not like he was wrangling toddlers. Plus, even then, 1 hour? The average movie lasts longer than that.
He’s just finding excuses to be miserable because everything didn’t go 100% his way. Don’t let him make you (and your kids) miserable too as a result.
Especially on Christmas. I’d try talking to him again about the holiday and what he’d like to do, but if he still wants to be miserable and either not communicate or guilt trip you, then just exclude him.
Don’t wake him up, don’t invite him to activities, and just do what you and your kids want instead.
Will he still be bitter, whiny, and miserable about the whole thing? Probably. But at least you can give your kids a good Christmas and save yourself the trouble of worrying about someone who just wants to be a Grinch the whole time.
You might need to have a ‘relationship talk’ when you get home though.
Bottom line: NOT. YOUR. FAULT.” TheGrimReader1888
Just have a quick word with him, away from the kids, and tell him that you don't know what his problem is and don't want to know, but unless he straightens up and stops behaving like a raging @*****e, he can go home and pack his $**t because you're not having it anymore. Tough being married to a p!$$y little b***h, isn't it? I know about that too. Stand your ground.
9. AITJ For Not Forcing My Stepdaughter To Go To Her Mom's House?
“My husband ‘Tim’ (34M) and I (33F) have been married for three years. Tim has a daughter, ‘Lucy’ (13F), from a one-night stand. Both Tim and Lucy’s mother ‘Debra’ were teenagers when Lucy was born, Debra wanted nothing to do with Lucy and disappeared so Tim got full custody and had been raising Lucy as a single dad when we met.
I’ve been in Lucy’s life since she was 6 and consider her my own.
A couple of years ago, Debra suddenly appeared back in our lives and contacted Tim wanting to meet with Lucy. Debra was an addict (I’m not sure if she still is but I wouldn’t be surprised) and generally not a great person for a kid to be around, but Tim would allow Lucy to see Debra once in a while.
Lucy seems like she’s just going through the motions with finally having her mother in her life, she doesn’t particularly seem excited or upset, she just does as she is told. Debra also has a partner ‘Don’.
Recently, after Lucy came back home from dinner with Debra and Don, she mentioned to Tim and me that she found Don very weird.
He didn’t explicitly say or do anything to Lucy, but she felt uncomfortable being around him.
A few days ago, Tim had to unexpectedly go on a work trip to another country where he will be completely unavailable for three days. He won’t have any type of service to communicate with us.
That trip also happens to coincide with the same time as when Tim and Debra agree that Lucy can spend a night at Debra’s. So I was the one dropping Lucy off at Debra’s and when we got there, we saw Don sitting on the front porch staring out at our car.
I looked at Lucy to see if she still wanted to even go in, and by the look on her face, I asked her if she wanted to go to get ice cream at Downtown Disney instead (we live near Disneyland and DT Disney is the shopping area right outside the park).
She immediately said yes, so I got out of the car and told Debra that Lucy didn’t want to do dinner anymore and I was taking her to Downtown Disney for ice cream.
Debra started screaming at me saying I was a nobody trying to bribe her daughter with ice cream so she didn’t want to spend dinner with her own mother anymore.
I told her Lucy didn’t want to go in and I won’t force her. Debra responded that Tim had agreed to Lucy spending the night at hers and the matter was between her and Tim, I shouldn’t be involved or make decisions because I am not Lucy’s mother.
That made me really mad so I hopped back in my car and drove Lucy to DT Disney, we actually ended up going to Disneyland as well for the rest of the day.
Debra has been spamming my phone calling me all sorts of names for not forcing Lucy to spend the night at hers, and Tim is still unavailable and can’t be reached for a comment.
I genuinely don’t think I was being a jerk but I need some second opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as women we are taught to always ignore our gut when it’s telling us something isn’t right, because we want to be nice, we don’t want to cause problems, that lead to dangerous situations.
Always teach your kid to follow her instinct, if she senses something is wrong with the partner, don’t force her to go there alone, she can visit her mother in a public place until you all feel safe, it’s too soon for Lucy to go to that house with 2 strangers, neither she nor Tim or you, knows Debra and her partner, they just came back.” notyoureffingproblem
Another User Comments:
“You responded to your step-daughter’s clear anxiety upon seeing Don and her desire not to enter a house with him or to walk past him. I would like to strongly recommend that Tim talk with his lawyer and that Debra’s continued visitation with Lucy be supervised and involve pre-testing for substances if those are ongoing concerns.
It might also be smart to get Lucy to a therapist who can perhaps unpack what the heck is going on with Don, whose criminal record should also be checked out. Do not send Lucy back there. NTJ. In fact, you get the Mama Bear Award!” Nester1953
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Nephew To Use My Car?
“So my brother this morning calls me and tells me my nephew got into a car accident and totaled his car. (He is fine just bruised on his body.)
I asked what happened and my brother told me he hit some black ice. I knew this was a lie because I’ve ridden in his car before and he drives like a maniac.
I literally had to tell him multiple times to slow down and there’s no need to speed and go in and out of traffic. What makes matters worse is his car is a trashy 93 Honda that sounds like it’s held up with duct tape and bubble gum.
I’ve told my brother multiple times about how he drives and my brother drives the same way even worse and I refuse to drive with them.
On the phone, he asked if my nephew could use my car to get to and from work.
I told him no, I’m storing my car at my brother’s house upstate because I live in the city and to have it here is annoying but I am going to probably sell it before summer.
I told my brother to put me on speakerphone so that my nephew could hear me.
‘I told him he would not be using my car. You’re 21 years old and you’re an adult who needs to face the consequences of their actions. I’ve told you multiple times to stop driving the way you do before you kill yourself and someone else.
You’re lucky you didn’t die. What world do you live in to think you can just total your car and then be given another one? You’re a man and an adult. Take the train to work like everyone else.’
He started to complain that to get to work by train you have to take it to a certain stop then it goes back 1 stop for a different train line and forward to his location.
And I said so what, handle your business, wake up an hour and a half early, and go to work. You’re not a kid. He started saying something and called me a jerk. I see him this Sunday.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your nephew needs to face the consequences of his actions and not expect a free pass. He’s an adult, and adults deal with the fallout from their choices. I love how you straight-up told him to take the train like everyone else. Why should he get a free ride after driving like a maniac?
He can figure out a different way to get to work; it’s not your problem to solve. And calling you a jerk? No way! He needs to learn some responsibility.” StellarSpiritSpice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You actually didn’t even need a more detailed reason than ‘It’s my car and I said no’ but you were blunt enough to tell the kid what he needed to hear.
Driving recklessly was his choice and he gets to live with the consequences of that choice. He is not entitled to use your car just because you’re not using it. It’s your car, period. He can get over it. Again, NTJ, but your brother and his kid are.” Ashskyra
Oh, and good job getting them on speaker phone and telling them both to go pound sand, so they can't lie each other up and say they didn't know you had said no. Only thing I would do in your shoes is to get your car as far away from them as you can, as soon as you can, or maybe even go ahead and sell it now, because you know perfectly well if it's anywhere near them, they'll take, drive and wreck it too. Good luck.
7. WIBTJ If I Cut My Daughter Out Of My Will?
“My wife Angela (64F) and I (66M) have two kids: Maggie (38F), who’s married to Quentin (39M), and Adam (35M), who’s married to Lily (32F). Maggie and Quentin have been trying for kids for the past few years and are about to start a second round of IVF soon after the first round failed this past fall.
It’s been an emotional process for all of us, and we’ve been trying to support them as much as possible.
Adam and Lily have also been trying for kids for a while and just told us that Lily is pregnant. They told Maggie and Quentin privately so they wouldn’t hear it from anyone else.
Maggie and Quentin took it politely, but Maggie hadn’t spoken to Adam and Lily at all since they told her the news.
Angela has been trying to ask Maggie for updates about the IVF process so we can come out and help if needed, as Quentin can’t drive/take her to appointments.
When Angela tentatively asked Maggie how she was feeling about Lily and Adam’s news, Maggie started screaming at her that she didn’t want to hear anything about ‘that whelp’ and refused all help from everyone.
Apparently, she thought that the way Adam and Lily broke the news to them was condescending and pitying, and now she wants nothing to do with Adam, Lily, or their pregnancy.
Every time Angela calls, Maggie screams at her and hangs up the phone. Now Maggie blocked all of our phone numbers and won’t speak to us. We talked with Quentin, who said to give Maggie time.
It’s been five weeks and she hasn’t spoken to anyone.
Angela’s inconsolable, Adam misses his sister desperately, and Lily feels lonely and confused. I want my family happy again. I want to cut Maggie from our will and just focus on Adam and Lily, but Angela said that Maggie is just in pain and we should give her time.
WIBTJ if I cut Maggie out of my will for the pain she’s been causing us?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you want less pain in your family, don’t go causing more pain. You’re choosing the nuclear option out of frustration. Maggie’s pain is current, ongoing, and raw – and possibly exacerbated by any cycle management she’s having to do as part of IVF.
You want her to put it aside and wear a happy face for you, and you would rather abandon her during a dark time in her life than actually be steadfast and love her through it. You’re making this very much about you.
In an effort to be kind, Lily and Adam may have come across as pitying, which can add to a grieving and despairing person’s pain.
The right thing to do right now is to give Maggie space. One of the central hopes for her life may be disintegrating before her eyes, your other child is having her heart’s desire handed to him. She does have to come to terms with that, but she will have to do so on her own and in her time.
You can’t force this process any more than you could force her to start seeing other people after losing her spouse. There’s no need to subject yourself to more lashing-out than you can handle, but you needn’t abandon Maggie. You and your wife should back off and let her grieve alone to the extent she needs to.
(If she and Quentin are eventually forced to give up on their hopes, perhaps you can offer (through Quentin) to pay for some counseling.)
Adam and Lily need to understand that it’s not kind to expect Maggie to be a source of support in their joy while she’s in the middle of what can feel like an ongoing loss.
Nice if Maggie could manage it, but it sounds like she just can’t. Life works that way sometimes. Just… yeah. It’s an awful time for Maggie and even if you can’t handle actively being present to her pain, you should be ready to meet her on the other side of it.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“It’s amazing to me that you want your family happy again but you’re willing to immediately jump to cutting someone from your will. How about you give your daughter some time & space & offer to wait as long as it takes.
And you have no idea how your precious son & DIL told your daughter the news. Maybe they were condescending.
Your daughter is allowed to feel how she feels. And what pain has she caused you?! SHE hasn’t been able to conceive, SHE received the news her SIL is pregnant while she’s dealing with the idea she might not be able to have children, SHE has people asking her invasive questions.
Back off & give her time to process all her completely understandable & legitimate feelings. I get the impression that if your daughter can’t provide a grandchild, you find her useless, thus cutting her from your will. And for the record, YTJ.” FlyoverState61
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Go With My Husband To His Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (24f) got married to my husband (26m) at the start of this year and everything was perfect except for the fact that my husband’s best friend of 20 years (and best man at the wedding), who I’ll call Luke, proposed to his partner at my wedding.
I know some people find it very sweet and endearing when close friends or family get engaged at their wedding and that’s what I was told by many people at the time. I don’t feel that way however and thought it was very rude to announce something like that at a wedding and take the attention away from the couple.
My husband disagreed and said that it was okay because he gave them permission but had somehow never thought to tell me even though it was my wedding too. His excuse was that I might have told the fiancée which I wouldn’t because I don’t even know her well.
What made me even more furious was that I felt they were taking advantage of our wedding, the decor, venue, props, photographer, etc. which we had put our hard-earned money into and worked hours overtime for.
People were obviously very excited for them and were swooning over them the whole night and I felt that they were intentionally showing off which just annoyed me even more.
I am not mad at my husband anymore, since it was almost a year ago but I guess I still have not forgiven the couple.
I was also friendly with Luke before we weren’t as close and to me he was always my ‘husband’s friend’ and not ‘my friend’.
Since that whole situation at my wedding I have not talked to him except to explain how I felt about him proposing at my wedding but my husband still contacts and meets Luke often. Luke and his fiancée announced that they were getting married mid-next year and invited my husband and me.
I really don’t want to go and don’t feel comfortable going but said that my husband could go if he wants to. Their wedding is also kind of far from us so we would have to drive quite a bit and book a hotel for the day before and after.
I just don’t feel like it’s worth it to spend my time and money for that but my husband can if he wants.
My husband said that I was being petty and self-centered and that I had to go because my husband is the best man and would look odd without a date.
He also said that I should just support the couple on their big day even if I don’t like them, it would be rude because they came to our wedding. I just told him that was funny considering how they ‘supported’ us on our big day.
If I’m being honest I don’t care about being rude to the couple I just don’t want my husband to think I’m intentionally trying to be rude. I just don’t want to go because I don’t feel comfortable going to the wedding of people I don’t like.
WIBTJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband kept a huge secret from you that affected what should have been among the most special days of your life, and you’re still annoyed about it nearly a year later. Although part of me loves the petty revenge of making your own big announcement at their wedding, I hope you don’t plan on pregnancy too soon with your current husband because the fact that he kept this secret from you and never apologized to you over it doesn’t sound ‘perfect’ to me.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“1 – Tell him before he lectures you about supporting your husband he first learns to support his own wife (OP) because he didn’t support his wife on his own wedding day.
2 – Remind your husband if you wanted to be petty you could have cussed or slapped his friend when he proposed to his partner at your wedding to ruin his stunt, which you didn’t do.
There are also other ways to be petty to his best friend. OP can come to his BFF’s wedding and ruin his day, then he can call you petty.
3 – Tell him he should be grateful you (OP) are not feeling to act petty to his friend.
It is surprising to me how you even allowed his bff to propose to his partner, that was a red flag you ignored. If I was in your place, I would have told him he better not allow his bff or I walk out of the wedding.
But you are you, I am not you.
Now that it has happened once and it happened on your special day, and can’t be changed, your husband is in full confidence that you will never go against him or leave him, and you will always******* whenever your husband prioritizes his bff.
YTJ to yourself for allowing it in the first place. NTJ in the current situation.” Ninja_Buffalo
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Food To My Stepdaughter?
“My husband and I have 2 daughters – 12-year-old Hailie, my stepdaughter, and 2-month-old Hannah.
Since I gave birth and up until about 2 weeks ago, I couldn’t keep down any food outside of crackers. It would just make me sick, which the doctors said was because of my adjusting to breastfeeding and that it was normal.
So up until 2 weeks ago, every single hot meal I made was eaten 100% by Hailie and my husband, though I still made myself a portion just in case.
Hailie always ate my portion before leaving the table. She would see it set out on a plate for me, that I would try picking at, but as soon as she touched it I would stop picking at it and she would just take over.
I spoke to her about it a few times because I won’t eat anything that another person has touched. It grosses me out. So, she knew. She just didn’t care to stop because ‘it’s not like you’re going to eat it anyways’. My husband has spoken up to her several times and ultimately told me that I just wasn’t making enough food because Hailie was still ‘starving’ after eating her plate and second helpings.
When I was finally able to keep food down again, I started making more dinner to combat the issue. Like I made a big sheet pan of lasagna. Definitely should have been leftovers. But my husband had 2 helpings and the rest went to Hailie because right after I made dinner, the baby was fussy and tired and ultimately needed to be fed so I excused myself to the other room and when I came back a half hour later, Hailie was forking the last portion out of the pan- using her fingers.
So, she touched it – I wouldn’t eat it.
Or last night, I made 5 medium-sized chicken breasts. My husband had 2, Hailie had 2 and I had 1 on my plate. I was eating it slowly, so I wouldn’t get sick. Hailie ate her entire plate and then said ‘You gonna eat that?’ And put her finger directly on my chicken.
My husband sent her to her room but ultimately, I didn’t eat it. She knew what she was doing.
Then tonight… I made 5 cheeseburgers for them (I can’t eat hamburgers) and 2 hot dogs for myself. Again, I ended up having to feed the baby directly after finishing dinner.
They had eaten by the time I was finished feeding the baby. I make myself my 2 hotdogs and Hailie reaches over and picks up the hotdog, bun and all, and flips it over, puts it back down, and says ‘was just checking if the bread was moldy’ and then looks up and sees me glaring at her and says ‘oops, sorry, forgot.
Guess you’re not gonna eat that now so I can have it if you want’. I took my entire dinner, plate and all, and chucked it in the trash can and walked off.
She started crying to my husband about not wanting to upset me and that she was just hungry.
My husband yelled at me for being childish and wasting food and left with his daughter. He said ‘Yeah I get that it’s annoying and I reprimand her every single time but you didn’t have to stoop to her level. You’re more childish than she is.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s old enough to know better, and if being told CONSTANTLY (from the sounds of it) isn’t working, then more nuclear options need to be explored. You’re trying to feed a baby and get yourself back to normal so you can be healthy, and she is clearly deliberately doing it.
Screw that kid. She needs to be grounded and have things taken away from her until she learns some manners and courtesy, let’s throw in going to bed without supper, too.
Your husband also needs to grow a backbone and not fall for her crocodile tears act.
I’m very angry on your behalf because I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be.” Little_Soft_3237
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not going to change. And your husband isn’t doing good parenting. So you have to adapt and change. Stop sitting where she can do this to your food.
Stop fixing her plate, make her do it herself. Change up how dinner is served. Put hers somewhere else while the adults eat at the table. Change up your schedule, eat when she’s not there, or eat at different times than when she does. Figure out what foods she hates and fix them.
If she starts to reach out toward your food, yell at her as loud as you can ‘NO!’ and squirt her with a squirt gun. Treat her like the little unmannered feral child she is. Just don’t sit there and be a victim of this, show this girl that you are in control, you’re the adult and she’s a child.” jippyzippylippy
Honestly, I would stop cooking for both of them. If they object, tell them since neither of them can remember that you don't want YOUR food touched, you'll be cooking for yourself and they can cook their own.
On a more serious note, if Hallie insists that she really is that hungry and not just binging and later purging just to p!$$ you off, tell your husband that her eating habits aren't normal, and that a 12 year old shouldn't be able to polish off half a pan of lasagne at one sitting. Kid needs to see a doctor and find out what's wrong with her, besides being an entitled brat. Good luck.
4. AITJ For Not Giving My Coat To My Wife?
“I (34M) and my wife (28F) are having a huge disagreement. My wife loves short clothes and I love anything she wears but honestly, for the 4 years we have been together we have always had the issue of coats.
We live in a very cold country and I don’t understand why my wife needs to take my coat when she is cold.
She refuses to bring her coat and gets mad when I bring her a coat saying that it ruins her outfit.
But she will steal my coat when she gets cold. I feel the cold really badly and I don’t like not going without it and if it happens once or twice it’s fine but all the time and she won’t let me bring a coat because ‘it’s silly to walk around with a woman’s coat’.
Yesterday I was invited to go star gazing for my wife’s niece’s birthday and I told her and I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH that it will be cold. She still wore a cute little outfit and I got snapped at for trying to bring a coat.
Halfway into the trip, she started tugging on my coat asking for me to give it to her. I told her no, I warned her this would happen but she wanted to go home. I was having fun and honestly, I didn’t want to go so I gave her the keys and told her to go herself.
She got upset and called me a fattie who could not do anything for his wife and honestly, I was shocked. I grabbed the keys from her and told her to not be such a selfish brat and to get a ride from someone else and I went home.
She hurt me in front of her family and now we are not speaking to each other. My friends say I was mean and a man should always protect his wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly don’t understand her behavior. Why is she upset if you choose to bring her coat?
It’s unfair of her to expect you to be cold because she didn’t dress appropriately. It’s not your responsibility to make sure she has the appropriate clothing, it’s hers.
You did the right thing, leaving her there. While there are plenty of situations where you should step up and protect your wife this wasn’t one of them.
You need to protect yourself from her belligerent comments.
In the future, if she doesn’t have a coat when you leave the house, don’t take her with you.
On the other hand, if you want to be petty about it, I would go down to Goodwill and pick up an old smelly men’s coat and throw it in the trunk.
Then, the next time she asks for your coat, go get that one and give it to her.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly I would have started just putting a coat in the car for her a long time ago. Even if you’re right not to put yourself out for her when she intentionally put herself in that position, you still look like a huge jerk.
She’s ridiculously selfish. She values looking cute over your comfort because obviously her being uncomfortable is unthinkable. You would look silly carrying a woman’s coat when there is a cold, underdressed woman standing right beside you. And no one looks cute in a minidress outside in the winter somewhere it gets cold.
They just look foolish.” 1568314
3. WIBTJ If I Ask My Parents To Stay?
“I live across the world from the rest of my family, about a 12-hour flight.
I see my parents 2-3 times per year.
I gave birth 2 weeks ago and my parents flew to help me with my 3-year-old and newborn postpartum. It’s been really helpful and they’re supposed to stay one more week and then fly home. My son is obsessed with them and he has the time of his life when my parents come to visit (twice a year).
It’s been great and so helpful.
My SIL is due in a month with her first. She has a strained relationship with her mom and is very close to my mom. My mom promised her she’d be there for the birth, figuring with 6 weeks between our due dates it would work out.
We got the call today that my SIL’s water broke and my mom immediately said ‘I need to change my flight, I promised her I’d be there.’ I love my SIL, we are very close and I don’t want to deprive her of the support she was relying on, especially with this sort of scary situation.
But at the same time, I can’t help it, I want my parents to stay until the end of their trip.
My son is expecting them to be here for another week, and I’m only 2 weeks postpartum, I’m still healing, and also my mother’s helper is only set to start working for me next week.
My husband works very long hours and I am nervous to take on my toddler’s bedtime plus a newborn without any help at this point.
My parents live fairly close to my brother and SIL and will be able to be much more involved and helpful than they are with me since I live so far away.
I really cherish it when they’re here and I don’t want them to cut their visit short. My SIL will have their help whenever she needs it in general. I only get it for this short time.
But also this is my SIL’s first baby and I truly want her to have the support she needs, I don’t want to be selfish about this.
My parents didn’t even ask me my thoughts on it, so I don’t know if it even makes sense for me to ask them not to change their flight, but WIBTJ if I did ask? I think if I was honest with them they would stay, which would leave my SIL without their help for her first week postpartum.
The doctors told my SIL that the baby would need to stay in the NICU for a bit after birth, which my mom feels means that my SIL needs her even more. Would love to hear from parents who’ve had babies in the NICU, is it especially cruel if I deprive my SIL of my parents’ support while her baby is in the NICU?”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents will not or should not be entering the NICU after flying. They could bring an illness in that could kill all the babies there. They can’t help with the baby. I don’t see why your brother can’t look after his wife for a week.
But overall, this is simply something that your parents should not be unilaterally deciding.
They need to ask your SIL what she needs. And they need to ask you what you need. They made promises to you both and they need to reach a new compromise.
Your parents’ promise to SIL is equal to the promise they made you.
I know I always felt like I was hit by a bus for 3 weeks after giving birth. Your SIL doesn’t have another child to look after. I think new solutions are needed. Maybe your partner takes another week off.
Maybe your dad stays with you for a week and your mom goes. Just a crappy situation. No jerks here.” Stunning_Patience_78
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Of course you want your parents to stay, especially because your husband sounds too busy to be very helpful.
But they also promised support to your SIL, who doesn’t have her own parents to help her. This is really just an unfortunate situation that isn’t anyone’s fault. Your parents want to be there for two new mothers who live on opposite sides of the world; because of your SIL going into labor early, this means they need to be in two places at once, and it sucks that they can’t.” AllAFantasy30
2. AITJ For "Disrespecting" My Parents' Pastor Friend?
“My parents and I (18M) recently moved to another house. The issue is that we were helped by an acquaintance of my father’s to get the house, and he’s a Protestant pastor with kids. I have not liked him much from the beginning as he offended our faith by saying things like ‘Only the Christian God is real’ and stuff like that.
Whenever he shows up at our house (he comes in every now and then) he talks about wanting to ‘pray for us’ and makes us stand in a circle. My parents comply with it, and I agree as I don’t want to annoy them.
He also asks me to cook by saying ‘When I was your age, I knew how to make food’, etc. He says he will teach me and my parents just laugh it off.
I find it extremely annoying, but I just keep my silence.
Whenever he comes, he doesn’t even ask for our permission. At one point he said his wife and he wanted to see us and just showed up.
He asked my father to join him for Sunday mass and also gifted us the Bible.
I think he wants to convert us, although he also says that he hates converting people.
But I got fed up with him showing up every now and then, and I told him ‘Sorry, but you’re bothering me by showing up like that without any reason.
It makes me uncomfortable.’ He apologized and left, but the reaction of my parents was nuclear.
I don’t know how to describe it, they began to yell and shout at me for disrespecting him and being ungrateful to him. It went on for the whole day and I had to personally go to the man’s house and apologize to him too.
They’re still mad even though I apologized.
I wonder whether I did anything wrong in what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight. You were mad because your parents had company and could not cook for you? Is that what this is?
If I have this right then you are a huge jerk.
At 18 you should be self-sufficient enough to feed yourself. You do not have to agree with the pastor’s ideology but you do need to be polite and respectful as he is your parent’s guest. You could make yourself scarce during his visit; stay in your room, go take a walk, go visit friends, etc. In short, you are 18 years old, and it is time to grow up.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“He IS trying to convert all of you and it sounds like he’s found your parents to be very willing subjects. You can go to your room and refuse to participate in his prayers, but you can’t really kick him out of your parents’ house.
I wonder if they realize they are this pastor’s new conversion project?
Soft YTJ because I hate that kind of religious crap and it’s beyond rude to just show up to your house uninvited regularly but you did overstep what your parents wanted for their own house.” Hot_Box_4574
That said, you still live in your parents' home and they make the rules. In your position, I would have a quiet conversation with your parents about your feelings about this man and get their permission to excuse yourself from his presence whenever he shows up.
I'm curious - you mentioned that this "pastor" helped your family "get this house". In what sense? Because if there was monetary help from this "pastor"'s church, that might explain why he feels entitled to come and visit whenever he pleases, and why your parents feel beholden to him. In any case, it doesn't entitle him to your company and he needs to back off and leave you alone, now that you have expressed your feelings about him. That said, don't back down from what you said. Good luck.
1. AITJ For Not Adjusting The Seating Arrangements At My Wedding?
“I got married this past March. About a month before the wedding, my brother tragically passed away. He and his partner were supposed to sit at a table with my sister and her husband and their 2 kids, as well as my brother-in-law’s parents.
My brother’s friend and his partner were then slated to take his place at the table.
A few days before the wedding he reached out to me saying that it was too hard for him and he wouldn’t be attending. Totally understandable, so no big deal. The following day I found out that my brother-in-law’s parents also wouldn’t be attending because his dad was in the hospital with pneumonia – again, totally understandable.
At this point it was way too late in the game to be changing table arrangements, all the personalized place markers, and all of that were already in our hands (it was also a destination wedding so we had to haul all of this stuff down there ourselves).
It was a buffet/station-style dinner, we had no wedding party or speeches or anything like that, so people were sitting at their tables basically for as long as it took to eat dinner – 40 minutes maybe? So my sister and her husband and their 2 kids sat at a table together without anyone else.
This apparently made her mad, because she made a scene and then refused to talk to or acknowledge me until just yesterday when she sent me a long text outlining how hurt, disrespected, and unwelcome she felt because of this.
Looking back, I could have at least taken away the empty chairs from the table so that the painful reminder wasn’t right there in plain sight.
But other than that, I’m not sure what else I could have done. Besides, the few days leading up to the wedding were some of the busiest I’ve ever had in my life making sure everything was in order and ready, it was honestly an oversight.
So was there something I could have done? Am I the jerk here? Did I deserve to get the cold shoulder treatment for 9 months because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, for one, I am sorry for your loss. It’s not easy to be going through all of this at once.
I think tensions still may have been high from the loss of your brother and especially your sister is still grieving.
It’s also not your fault that something as little as seating arrangements would be at the top of your priority list after you lost your brother, planning a destination wedding, hauling all your own personal items and decor down, and everything else leading up to the month before your wedding which is a very stressful time.
I’d definitely talk to your sister or at least give her some more time before you do. She seems to still be processing the loss and just an overall hard time for your family right now.” Curious_Courage1941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister of all people should understand that your brother and his partner would’ve been sitting with her.
She also should’ve known that her in-laws were ill and would’ve been sitting with them otherwise.
At the last wedding I went to, I and my partner were at a table with one other person. Definitely more awkward with other people at full tables; you feel forgotten or left out.
But your sister should be understanding and should’ve put two and two together. Regardless, I used to help with wedding planning and always told people to have 4-6 oddballs to throw around at the last minute so no couple or couples were sitting alone if there were last-minute call-outs.
Also, assign tables, not seats. Just some future advice if you’re ever helping plan another wedding.” UofMtigers2014
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but almost YTJ. Yes, she was absolutely wrong to make a scene at your wedding. However, you seem to keep forgetting your sister lost a brother as well.
Maybe she was struggling with his absence at the next big family event as well and it felt like to her you were throwing it in her face.
She should have handled it better, but how much time would it have taken you to adjust the chart?
Removing the extra chairs would have only highlighted the fact people were missing.” Routine_Use5562
