People Grab The Opportunity To Explain Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
35. AITJ For Defending My Wife From My Grandmother?
“I (24 M) work for my family and one day this week my wife (24) brought me lunch, but unfortunately the night before we had gotten into an argument that we hadn’t been able to work past yet so we were still a bit ‘annoyed’ with each other.
My wife and I typically don’t argue, and when we do we work together to talk it through, and we also usually are always a ‘united front’ in public, especially around my family, but like I said this was a very unusual and rare occasion for us.
She brought it in and didn’t say much to me, and I also didn’t say much to her. She sat my lunch down a little roughly, just a bit more than necessary, and said her goodbyes to everyone and left. My grandmother works next to me, as well as my aunt, 2 cousins, and my mother, all women.
My grandmother turned to me after my wife had left and said ‘You know if I had acted like that to my husband I would have lost some teeth.’ It was extremely appalling and inappropriate to say and I just looked at her and said ‘What are you talking about?’
First of all, she divorced my grandfather and has been remarried twice since, and she’s 60 so she shouldn’t be ‘stuck in her ways.’ But my grandmother stuck by what she said by claiming she was just being honest and saying my wife should be a bit more appreciative that times have changed. I told her to sit back down and never say anything like that to me again or to ever say anything about my wife like that.
In response to this, my grandmother started to cry and left.
My mother and aunt both said I should apologize and that my grandmother just felt the need to ‘defend’ me because of my wife’s behavior. I apologized that my wife and I brought the negativity to the office and also agreed it was inappropriate and we wouldn’t do it again, but I refused to apologize to my grandmother because her way of ‘defending’ me was just to basically imply I am right to ‘discipline’ my wife for being rude to me when in reality we were being rude to each other.
And yes, later that night my wife and I talked it out and worked through what we needed to work through, and both apologized to each other.”
34. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Pig At My Wedding?
“My mom has a huge potbelly pig as a pet, she rescued him from a farm, he’s 7 years old I believe.
Back when I was planning my wedding she kept on trying to add things to my wedding specifically for the pig for example she wanted him to have his own buffet, I turned all her ideas down and told her her pig will not be attending my wedding.
Even after I told her I didn’t want him at my wedding she continued to try to get me to plan my wedding around him.
She told me that she needs him to be there because he’s her support animal. He isn’t a registered support animal even though he does bring her a big deal of comfort.
In my husband’s culture pigs are seen as dirty animals and it would absolutely be unfitting for me to have a pig at our wedding especially because it would be disrespectful to his family.
Well my mom decides to bring her pet pig to my wedding anyway even after I told her not to and she showed up late, I could tell my husband was highly upset with it but stop me when I went to confront her because he didn’t want his new mother-in-law to hate him.
My sister-in-law ended up getting scared because the pig rubbed up against her which cause the pig to get scared and run off and bump into some expensive glass decorations which ended up falling and breaking into pieces.
I was beyond angry at my mom, this would have never happened if she didn’t bring her pig to my wedding so I yelled at her to leave.
She tried to blame it on me for not making my wedding pet friendly, like why would I change up my wedding for a pig guest that wasn’t even supposed to attend.
My mom send me a long message telling me how I humiliated her In front of my in-laws and that now she’s embarrassed to show her face around them and that if I would’ve just set up the wedding the way she suggested to me none of this would’ve happened.
Am I the jerk?”
33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Dye My Hair For My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister gets married on Sunday. It’s a big deal. She’s the princess of the family. Spent a lot and has been very very excited to finally marry her lovely fiance.
She and I didn’t always get on. In fact, it’s only over the last 2-3 years that we’ve become close and this is the closest we’ve ever been. She is my best friend and I am her maid of honor.
On Wednesday I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I’m on antibiotics and steroids. I haven’t showered since then, eaten a meal and my temp was 39.7 earlier. I’ve been resting and drinking fluids constantly just so I can get better for Sunday and support her.
Today I dragged myself out of my bed because she asked me to go over and get my nails done for the wedding so I did. As I sat in the kitchen slowly dying inside she said to me, ‘When are you dying your hair for the wedding’ So I just said ‘Sorry?’
And she repeated herself, stating my hair was ginger (it’s Auburn) and inappropriate for her wedding and she wanted me to dye it. I said I wouldn’t be because I was absolutely not well enough to dye my hair currently considering I couldn’t wash my hair due to the effort and pain in my joints.
She then came out with it’s fine because my mum would dye my hair for me and surely my mum must have hair dye upstairs. I again repeated that I would not be dying my hair for a wedding and that she could either have me with my ‘ginger’ hair or not at all.
She didn’t once apologize or agree she was being unreasonable. She just acted like it was a totally normal request of your sick sister 2 days before the wedding.
So AITJ for not being willing to dye my hair 2 days before a wedding?”
32. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Sell His Collectibles?
“My husband and I have been together for about 5 years recently he decided to go back to school. I was hesitant being that he was quitting a job that made 80k a year but he said going to school was going to make him happy so I agreed. Mind you he’s always been the breadwinner.
The deal was he was going to go to school and also work just a different job. It’s been 2 years he still hasn’t got a job he says going to school and working would be too much for him.
I am trying to be understanding and not get angry but my job doesn’t cover all of our expenses. I only make twenty-five dollars an hour.
Just last year, he begged to get a new car. I agreed under the terms that he would get a job and make the payments he made maybe 2 payments and I’ve been paying it.
We are drowning in debt and behind on rent.
Yesterday while in the car he tells me he wants to start selling his collectibles to buy a bike and maybe a new gun. Instantly I became mad. I work my job then when I get off, I Uber.
I am breaking my back trying to make ends meet and he wants to sell his collectibles to buy more things for himself.
This morning I asked about how much he thinks his room of collectibles is worth he goes well from looking on eBay and other sites probably about 20k.
I was shocked I asked if it was possible to sell about 5k of it to get us out of the hole we are in. He immediately starts calling me selfish and rude and said if I worked harder we wouldn’t have fallen behind.
I told him it wasn’t fair that I pay for everything including his fancy 60k car that he didn’t need. He tells our friends and family that I asked him to sell his collectibles. Everyone is saying I’m wrong and out of line for even asking this of him.
Am I the jerk?”
31. AITJ For Kicking A Friend Out Of My Wedding And After-Party Because Of What She Said While Wasted?
“I get married today. It’s currently 6:15 am in England and I feel terrible.
We rented a castle for our wedding, (thank you Airbnb) and we have a friend Abby who honestly had a drink in her hand ALL of yesterday.
My fiance James took the guys out on the grounds for paintball which he had previously planned with the owner and we went to a spa.
Don’t get me wrong we were drinking, but it was at most 2 glasses of champagne as we were saving ourselves for the evening.
Abby must have had around 8 glasses…
She then went on to say how she ‘dated James in high school’ and how she’s in her own words ‘like Sooooooooo happy for us’ while she said giving me the stink eye and nearly walking into the door.
James and his friends said he never dated her. He only invited her because her twin brother is his best friend and best man.
The night came and she kept making sly digs. We had a big drink and a dinner at the castle for everyone, no separate things.
She kept saying how we were doomed because I saw him before our wedding etc. She loudly asked him if I’m pregnant (I’m not) and if that was why he was marrying me.
She started taking photos of the castle saying how fake everything is.
How rude of her! Like what?! I told her not to come tomorrow. I said she was only invited because she follows her brother everywhere like some lost puppy and that we felt sorry for her.
I don’t care what she does, I don’t want her at our wedding at all.
Not even the party. James backed me up and she looked at him, asked if he was serious, and then ran off.
She ended up falling asleep on a sofa in the main hallway clutching a bottle of opened champagne.
Many people did try talking to her and telling her to stop and tone it down.
James woke me up around 4 this morning, excited, saying we get married today! And I admit we jumped on the bed like children for a bit and laughed.
Did I go overboard? She’s telling everyone I’m a bridezilla. My mother said I’m not, and she’s happy I told her to stop before she goes all mumma bear and goes for her.
I just feel bad for her.”
Go get married, and have a wonderful marriage and life with your new husband. And cut that idiot Abby out of both your lives.
30. AITJ For Telling My Coworker Her Place Smells Awful?
“I (27 F) am a teacher at a high school.
The department I’m in likes to stay close and social with each other so we do these potluck hangouts sometimes. My place has been dubbed the ‘fun house’ as everyone likes the old-school games I have as it gives them a sense of nostalgia and me and my partner’s cooking is great.
I have this co-worker, let’s call her ‘Pam’, who desperately wants to host one but always gets shot down. I asked another teacher why and they told me her place stinks… literally. I didn’t believe it till I went there to pick up my game system.
It’s a very foul, strong, and noticeable smell but Pam seems to not notice it.
Not too long ago, we had a February break and all the teachers decided it would be nice for another get-together. Pam offered her place again, but the teachers said they would prefer my house.
Pam protested for a bit, then finally agreed. On the day of the get-together, while I and my partner were cleaning, Pam comes hours early and later on begins to study my cleaning methods. Pam then makes a comment on how I clean with too many products.
I shrug it off and said that’s how my mom taught me to clean. She then goes on this rant about how being overly clean is not a good thing and tries to label what I’m doing as a disorder.
I then ask her about her cleaning habits. Pam tells me that she doesn’t use any products, just a rag and hot water, she doesn’t change out trash bags unless they show signs of tear, and doesn’t mop.
Just sweeps. I and my partner exchanged looks but didn’t say anything.
At this time the get-together starts and everything is going fine till Pam starts to tell everyone about how I clean and tries to make a joke of it.
Everyone awkwardly laughs, but she just keeps going with this bad joke. Annoyed, I then tell her that maybe she should use me as a model on how to clean her house. She asks me what I mean by that.
I held my tongue until she starts complaining about why no one wanted to come to her place, especially since her place is a ‘nice condo’ and mine is just a small house on the ‘odd side of town’. I then tell her the truth, saying that her place smells awful.
She thought I was making a cruel joke and laughed, till she noticed how everyone was silent. This sent her into a rage and she calls everyone fake and calls me a jerk for ‘making up such a crazy lie’ about the smell of her place before storming off.
Pam has stopped talking to all of us and even skips out on our Monday meetings. I tried talking to her in private, but she just curses me out. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut like the others(?).
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Party After Everyone Expected Me To Cook?
“I (female, 30s) decided to move to a new town and start a new life after receiving an excellent job offer.
After arriving, I was welcomed but I still felt like an outsider. (A clique sort of thing) I’m very shy and have a hard time making friends due to the fact I’m sick with Fibromyalgia.
Part of the disease is I can’t talk properly sometimes (words come out backward or run together or the opposite of what I’m actually trying to say), have brain farts, and brain fog and I’m embarrassed about it so I don’t talk much.
Some of my new co-workers gave me some weird looks, I tried to explain but I didn’t think they cared.
I have been complimented on my cooking (it’s one of my hobbies) and so I decided to bring in extra food as a way to break the ice.
My new co-workers loved it. They then started asking me on a regular basis if I brought anything extra. A few of them started asking me almost on a daily basis. They invited me to a party they were having so I started to feel like I belonged.
Here’s the AITJ part.
They gave me time to arrive, but when I got to the party I was shown right to the kitchen. I was surprised at the amount of food that was there. I also noticed there were only a few people there.
I was told that everyone else would be arriving soon and they wanted the food cooked as soon as possible. I took a step back and said they never mentioned it when they invited me and secondly, they never asked me.
They laughed and said they didn’t think I would mind. I said I did mind, it was rude to invite me and not mention it. I also mentioned with the amount of food, it would have kept cooking all night while everyone else would be enjoying the party.
One of the guys came into the kitchen laughing and told me that was the only reason I was invited. He then started to make fun of me because of my Fibromyalgia and said that I would never be their friend.
I was shocked. It felt like a slap in the face. I never said anything more but I was angry so I decided to leave. I was hurt that they made fun of me and I felt that they were just using me.
Monday, I received a blast from my co-workers about my behavior for walking out of the party. I don’t know what they told everyone but they were upset with me for not cooking, the party was a flop because they promised everyone that I would be cooking for them.
When I tried to defend myself that they never asked me, a few said I did the right thing while the others told me I should have just stayed and cooked anyway.
Only a few people are now talking to me while the rest are rude and ignoring me.
I feel defeated so I’m asking, AITJ for leaving the party?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mother's Day Off To My Grieving Coworker?
“I’m (22 F) a full-time student working part-time. Last year one of my coworkers who I’ll Linda (36 F) lost her 8-year-old in an accident, we were terribly heartbroken because we had met the kid a bunch of times before since she was a single mother and sometimes had to take him here.
As a retribution contribution, we signed some of our paid days off so she could take some time, she came back two months after.
I’ve been working here since I turned 17-year-old and when I was 19 we had a change of boss, she basically made Mother’s Day, Christmas, and New Year’s something ‘we all deserved’ and not only the people with kids.
She said that if people had kids then we obviously had a mother and we deserved to spend the day with her however she made the compromise to send the list of names a month before so people could trade them.
Well, aside from some guys (who already gave his day) I’m the only non-mother who has it. My mother’s still alive, but I went no contact with her a few years ago, either way, I think it’ll be nice to have a day off to prepare for my finals.
Some of my mom’s coworkers asked for the day and I politely said no, well Linda approached me and said that this will be her first Mother’s Day without her son, so she wanted to ask me if I could trade her day with her.
Again, I said no and told her how sorry I was, she said thanks and went back to her space. Then, one of the other moms (who already traded her day with one of the guys) said I was a jerk for not giving it to her since I don’t even talk to my mom anymore, and just for that, I don’t deserve it.
I asked why didn’t she give her day off and her answer was that she was ‘a mother of 5’.
Some are agreeing that I should let her have it because she lost her child but some others (including my boss) said that I’m entitled to keep it and should do it because I’ll be using the day for something important too.
Linda has been silent since she asked (last Wednesday) and my other coworker is calling me a jerk, so I’m not sure.”
27. AITJ For Asking My Wife Not To Tell My Family Anything About Me Or My Son?
“My (M 44) parents (M 75 & F 73) are narcissists who verbally mistreated my sibling and myself, combined with my father’s raging drinking problem (still going on to this day), led to a very unhappy childhood.
My parents never approved of my first marriage, and had little to no contact with my kid (their only grandchild) once they retired and moved to the other side of the US. Honestly, this was good, because I hadn’t gotten to the point of going no contact with them because I still believed in the ‘we’re faaaaamily’ nonsense they pushed on my sister and me, but I hoped that the relationships would wither off their own accord, and I wouldn’t have to make the hard call.
But with the growth of Facetime and Zoom, they still wanted to keep something of a relationship going with my kid (M 13). So I tried to make it work.
Over the last few weeks, after my son came out, it’s become clear that for the emotional well-being of my son and myself, that the two of us had to go no contact with them.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was on Saturday when my father texted me that I was a terrible parent for ‘enabling sin.’ I spoke with my son’s mother (first wife), and the two of us agreed that it was time to go no contact for our son.
I told my wife (my son’s stepmom, F 42) that this was going to happen and that while I would hope she knew how toxic and unhealthy they were, she would also go no contact with them, but, ultimately, she is a grown woman, and it wasn’t my place to make that decision for her.
But I had to insist that she agree to not share any information about myself, nor any about my son, with my parents, if she chose to keep a relationship with them, nor were they welcome in our house (we’re both on the deed, both pay equally into the mortgage) should they suddenly show up.
She got this weird look on her face, and said, ‘Wow, you’re being really controlling right now. I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to tell me who I can talk to, and what I can talk to them about.’
I told her that I wasn’t asking her not to talk to them (again not my place to police her relationships), but that I was absolutely insisting that she honor the decision I made for myself, and the decision that my son’s mother and I made for our son, and not provide them any details of our life.
She said she found this to be very alarming, and that she wasn’t sure she was comfortable being around me and left the house. She texted me that she needs time, asked me to leave the house so she could get some things (I did) and that she would be staying with her sister for the next couple of days while she thinks things through.
So… AITJ?”
I think I would be looking at couples therapy for you two, but if she's that devious and inconsiderate, I'm not sure it will work.
Good luck.
26. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Help My Cousin And Her Significant Other In Buying A Car?
“I (28 F) have a rather large family (i.e. cousins, aunts, uncles, etc). We are all very close and are usually each other’s main support systems. The ‘parent generation’ started what we call a family fund in the 80s where everyone pitched in however much money they can a month, and it was saved in case anyone had an emergency or was down on their luck (i.e. lost job), it was there.
Well, now I am in charge of the family fund. I track who puts in what, how much is in it, and call a vote when a questionable request is made.
Now on to the title and reason for my post. My cousin, K (20 F), who is the baby cousin, and her significant other, B (20 M), have been together for about a year and a half.
Recently B’s car kind of blew up on them so they have no car. K doesn’t have a car or even a license. K sent me an email asking for a somewhat large amount ($2,000) to put a down payment on a car.
Now the fund has enough money, but they both work full time, live rent-free, and don’t have any medical/utility/phone bills. All of that makes me question why they don’t have money but that is none of my business.
I called a Zoom meeting as I felt the family needs to weigh in on the decision. We voted and of course, the majority of the parents voted to give them the money (she is the baby so they kind of gave her whatever she wanted her whole life).
However, my generation ‘the kids’ generation’ (my cousins) all voted against it and there are more of us. We did, however, offer $500 to help a little and K & B could make up the difference, or we would lend the money but they had to pay back the fund.
This is where I may be the jerk. K was visibly upset we voted against her and she wasn’t getting the full $2,000. She was also against having to pay any amount back when ‘no one else had to’ (everything paid out was for legit emergencies).
I am a blunt person and was done with her sniveling and whining, so I explained what I and my cousins were thinking. I basically said that she doesn’t have a license, the car won’t be in her name, B isn’t part of the family and the funds aren’t there to buy her SO a car.
I then asked what if they broke up because she would have no claim to the car.
K started crying, my aunt (her mom) went off on me in the meeting calling me all kinds of names including a jerk, and my other aunt backed her up.
My mom and most of my cousins say I just said it like it is and that is why I am in charge of the funds.
Even though me and K have always had a decent relationship, I have always felt a sense of I guess anger towards her for being a spoiled, selfish twit since we were all kids.
I’m worried that may have made me more harsh than I needed to be but I can’t tell. AITJ for saying what I said and not helping them with the full amount they wanted for the car?”
Honestly, I'd have told her no right off the bat. I have no patience for someone who won't even try to take care of themselves. How many 20 year olds depend on someone else to drive them around? She's a spoiled brat and this is a very gentle wake up call.
25. AITJ For Causing My Friend To Not See His Wife Before An Emergency Surgery?
“I (20 F) am currently a full-time student.
My friend (21 M), who I’ll call Mark, goes to the same school. We are both commuters and became friends because we found out that we live in the same town, just on opposite ends.
To get to school, we both take the same route which takes about 40 minutes total. This route leads into our town directly (meaning that there is no exit you have to take) and the speed limit decreases pretty abruptly.
Additionally, there has been recent construction in this area, meaning that the speed limit has decreased even further. This is important for later
I was on my way home today. Mark was still taking one of his finals, so I decided to head home first instead of walking to our cars together like we normally do.
I should also add Mark and I can recognize each other’s cars because of some unique decals/stickers. Anyway, I was close to home and had just gotten off the highway into our town, slowing down to get closer to the new speed limit, when this car behind me came speeding up behind me, blaring his horn.
Keep in mind, I’m already going 10 over, and this car was going at least 30 over. I didn’t move over at all because there were a lot of cars around, and honestly, the dude behind me was honking so much that I didn’t really want to.
This car was stuck behind me as I was driving the exact speed limit for about 25 minutes. Eventually, I turned off onto another street, and the car laid on its horn one more time before speeding off.
Fast forward a few hours later.
I was writing one of my final papers when I got a call from Mark. It turns out that Mark’s wife was in the hospital after collapsing at work, and that her appendix had burst, and she needed immediate surgery.
I asked if she was okay, and Mark responded that she was, thankfully. Then, he started screaming at me, saying that I caused him to miss his wife before her surgery and that he could have never spoken to her again because of me.
I was very confused at first until he explained to me that he was stuck behind me for a half hour driving the speed limit like a petty jerk. I snapped back at him, telling him that it couldn’t have been me because the car behind me looked nothing like his.
It turned out that he was driving a buddy’s car because his car didn’t have enough gas. I asked him how I was supposed to know that, and he yelled back, saying that it didn’t matter and that I was just some petty jerk who didn’t know how to drive.
I promptly hung up on him.
It’s been a few hours now and I’ve been playing back what happened today in my head on repeat. Now I’m wondering if I should have just tried to move over, even though both lanes were pretty packed. I was just trying to abide by the new speed limit, especially since there are a lot of cops in that area.
It was lucky that his wife made it through surgery just fine, and he got to see her on the other side of it. But what if she didn’t?
So, AITJ?
Edit: I didn’t slow down because he was speeding behind me, I slowed down because of the construction zone as there we a bunch of cops around.
Also, because of the construction and the time, all of the lanes were pretty much full so I couldn’t really move between lanes because of how packed it was.”
First, you're responsible for the fact that you didn't speed or move over in a construction zone.
Second, you're responsible for the fact that you didn't recognize the car or him, because he was driving his friend's car.
Third, you're responsible for him driving his friend's car because his own didn't have enough gas in it.
Fourth, you're responsible for his wife's appendix bursting and making her have emergency surgery, and making him late to see her because she could have died, and then
Fifth, you would have been responsible had she met her death without speaking to her husband again.
Sound silly? It is. Show Mark this list and tell him to grow the eff up. You're not responsible for anything.
24. AITJ For Accusing My Wife Of Neglecting Our Son?
“I (m 23) am married to my wife, Dana (F 25). I work and she takes care of the house and our son, James (almost 3)
I work every day from 6 AM- 4 PM sometimes later depending on the shift. Before I go to work, I change and dress James (he is a light sleeper and wakes up to my alarm) and I try to make sure he is all set for my wife to take care of him, I even lay out his lunch and snacks, so all she has to do is play with him and give him lunch.
Well over the last month or so I will come home to see James sitting in front of the TV, as my wife sits on the couch and reads. His diaper is almost always full. This makes me so mad, and I try to tell her in the nicest way possible that she needs to start playing with him, changing him at the very least.
Well 3 days ago I came home from work, with some KFC for us to eat, and James was in front of the tv, not changed, and not even fed, let me repeat that. HE WAS NOT FED LUNCH. She was on the couch reading.
This put me on the edge. I simply couldn’t believe it.
Well here is where I might be the jerk.
I set the food down, filled a cup with cold water, and poured it over her crotch. And told her that she couldn’t have dinner.
Of course, she started yelling and asked why. I pointed to my son, I told her that if our son was treated like this then she should at least know what it’s like to be uncomfortable and unfed
She said that I would have no idea how hard it is to be a mom because I work all the time.
I said, ‘Well at least I take care of James, at least I don’t neglect him.’
She said, ‘Fine you are care of him then’ and left. She’s been staying at her mom’s, and all of her siblings have been calling me and telling me I need to apologize and what a jerk I am for calling her neglectful and pouring water on her.
Am I the jerk? What should I do?
Edit – I am sure that he isn’t being taken care of. Based on the fact that when I get home he is very hungry. And when I ask her if he has been fed and changed she will never give me a clear answer.
It’s always ‘he shouldn’t need it’ or ‘isn’t it okay for him to go a couple of hours’ and even ‘I’m too tired for this conversation.’
Also – I love my wife, I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but I do.
I want to help her but she just keeps saying I need to ‘back off’ and that she is perfectly fine and doesn’t need any help.”
It sounds like your wife has some depression issues. Maybe a visit to a therapist is in order, to see why she seems to have such an aversion to caring for your son. This isn't normal behaviour.
23. AITJ For Punishing My Daughter By Not Buying Her Shoes?
“I (37 f) and my husband (37 m) have 5 kids, we have twins, 12-year-old girl and boy.
At the end of the school year, I typically take all of our kids shopping for clothes for the summer and one or two pieces for the next school year.
I and my husband have always taught our children to respect others and treat people with kindness, which is why I was shocked when I was home a few weeks ago and got a call to pick my daughter up from the main office, as she had gotten in trouble for bullying a boy (12 m).
She had bullied the boy for collecting purses and shoes (like heels) and other ‘feminine’ objects. The boy is very flamboyant, he dressed like a typical male, with the exception of wearing makeup. Apparently, she had been bullying the boy for his interests, he had brought a pair of antique shoes he bought to show his friends.
She had picked on him for it and had teased him a few times in the past, which I didn’t know about.
The reason we found out is that he is going out with a guy who is close friends with my son, as they are both on the lacrosse team.
He had told him what happened and asked if he could go to the AP (assistant principal) to vouch for him. My daughter and another friend admitted to teasing him, the boy who was teasing him apologized but my daughter refused, so she got 3 days of ISS, while the boy got detention.
Yesterday, I was at the mall with my twins, the other kids were home with my husband. I typically shop with my other kids individually and my twins together, because that’s what the kids have preferred in the past. My son wanted pricy athletic shoes, and we were able to afford them but I didn’t want to pay for overpriced shoes, I saw my daughter looking at shoes and knowing how important they were to her, she’s pretty popular at school and always wants to dress trendy, I had this feeling to teach her a lesson, since she still hadn’t apologized for what she did.
I bought the shoes for my son and told my daughter that she needed to apologize for bullying the boy, I also told her she either needed to work chores off around the house to pay for her shoes, or for a cheaper option, buy a gift (using her own money), for the boy.
There is an antique store in the mall and my son texted his friend (the one who is going out with the boy my daughter bullied) for some ideas, she said she wasn’t using her money on anything, so we left the mall with just my son’s shoes, although I later went back and bought some gifts for the boy she bullied as my son said he’s a sweet boy who deserves something for what she did.
My husband is the less harsh parent and my daughter has always been a daddy’s girl, she went crying to him about how I love her brother more (which isn’t true) and how I am mean. He told me we should just buy her the shoes because she was upset and already got in trouble at school, but I told him she needed to learn a lesson the hard way.
My daughter is calling me mean and refusing to talk to me. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Volunteering To Drive My Date Home?
“We’ve been together for ~1 month. We’re both rock climbers. We took a few day trips together to local outdoor crags, and then I invited her on a longer, overnight trip (~3.5-hour drive from home).
We drove together to meet a friend coming from ~4 hours away.
The first day seemed fine to me, but she got kinda quiet and distracted near the end of the day. Over dinner, I asked her if anything is wrong, can I do anything for her, etc…
Tryna be considerate.
She says she’s really tired and wants to sleep in her own bed, that night… This is around 8 pm, so if we immediately packed up, we’d be home well after midnight… I’d woken up ~3 am that morning and driven us all the way, while she mostly slept.
I was TIRED from the long day and hard climbing, so driving all the way home sounded awful to me…
Also, to be honest, I didn’t want to just bail without a good reason. My friend drove four hours to climb with us.
If we left early, he’d be sadly out of luck without a belay partner.
So I told her how I felt, but offered that if she absolutely insisted, we could drive home that night. BUT we’d both have to chug coffees, split the driving, AND stay awake to keep the driver company… OR we could wait til morning, and I’d do all the driving.
She starts arguing, trying to tell me it’s not that late, the drive isn’t that long, etc… I show her on Google Maps. Then she says she never would have agreed to the trip if she’d known that I couldn’t handle all the driving… Which did hurt my feelings.
So I just said ‘I told you the options I’m comfortable with. I’m going to sleep. Wake me up if you decide you want to leave tonight.’
Next morning, I ask how she’s feeling, and if she wants to head home… No response.
I make breakfast and ask if she wanted some… No response.
My friend was awake, so decided to go climbing nearby. I told my date where we’d be (~2 min walk from camp) and told her to come let me know whenever she wanted to leave… I didn’t want her left feeling trapped or something, so left my car keys and told her it was hers to drive in an emergency… No response, didn’t even look at me.
Got back to camp ~2 hours later, and she says she wants to go home. Said goodbye to my friend, packed up, and drove her home. She says ~5-10 sentences, the whole drive back.
Dropping her off at home, I told her she hurt my feelings and I wasn’t impressed by her behavior.
Told her to call me if she wanted to discuss it, which she has declined so far.
Now, mutual friends say she’s been dragging me, behind my back. A couple of people think I was a jerk for not jumping to ferry her home that night, and then going climbing for a few hours when she refused to talk to me in the morning.”
She also doesn't seem to care about YOUR safety. What would have happened had you driven her home, come back and tried to go climbing with your friend who drove 4 hours to climb with you, and been so exhausted that you caused an accident? She doesn't even seem to consider that scenario, which tells me she not only doesn't care about your safety, she doesn't care about your friend's, either. Not a person I'd keep around. There are plenty of women out there who like climbing and aren't p***y little b*****s. Go find one.
21. AITJ For Not Being Able To Pay For My One Daughter's University Before?
“I (45 M) have two amazing daughters (17 & 27) and my 27-year-old decided that she wanted to go back to University about 4 years ago at 23 seeing as she had decided not to go straight out of college. Our entire family was so happy for her and supported her wholeheartedly and 4 years later she is doing excellent and is top of her class!
The problem comes in where, when she decided to go back to Uni, we weren’t doing the best financially and so I couldn’t support her in that way, which sucked especially because she has 2 children and could have used the help.
About 2 years ago I started my own business and it has been very successful, I rarely make less than 8K a month, when that happened I started sending my 27-year-old funds to help her out but she refused to take it claiming she had figured it out on her own for the first couple of years anyway.
And now my 17-year-old is preparing to go to University and because I can afford to now, I and my wife agreed that we would give her as much financial support as possible (while still trying to give her responsibility and independence).
When my 27-year-old found out about our plans to help our 17-year-old in this way she went kind of mental. She was offended that we never gave her that kind of support and called her sister selfish and entitled if she even thought about taking the money we were offering her and she called me and her mum trashy parents for prioritizing one child over the other.
Honestly, we were all shocked and didn’t say anything and she stormed out, we haven’t heard from her since, and now my 17-year-old is refusing any kind of help with Uni.
So AITJ for paying for one child but not the other?
Edit 1: At the time I was making maybe 2.5K a month
Edit 2: The money I offered her when I was able was double what her tuition fees would have been so that I could in some way catch up on the two years I missed.
Edit 3: We live in the UK so college is 16-18 here and free if you go straight out of secondary school which both my daughters have done.”
20. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other's Best Friend That Some Of Us Have Normal Parents Unlike Hers?
“My significant other (23) and I (22) have been together for 7 months now. He has a girl best friend, we’ll call her R, and she hates me a lot.
She always makes unnecessary comments about my upbringing.
I had a great childhood and was incredibly privileged all my life and I know that.
My SO and his girl best friend were not as fortunate as I was. I completely understand that were from two completely different upbringings.
I respect what they’ve gone through. R constantly brings up the fact that I grew up wealthy. She uses it as a jab against me, even though it’s just a fact about my upbringing.
Last Friday I met some of my SO’s other childhood friends, R was also present.
We were having a good time at a restaurant.
My birthday was June 8 and I revealed a Lady Dior bag from my dad and decided to wear the handbag since we were going to a quite fancy restaurant. As I said we were having a great time until R brought up the fact that they were struggling when they were young.
They all told their most difficult moments at that time.
I just silently listened, until R said something about me not knowing what it’s like for normal people. I just responded by saying that I had a good childhood and couldn’t relate to their experiences.
She then said that it must be nice being a spoiled princess and having mommy and daddy taking care of everything, must be nice to walk around with a $5000 bag while others have nothing. My mouth was completely open, she was very bold to say that.
I looked at my SO, thinking he’d say something. He just looked away from me.
That just made me mad, so I told R that some of us had normal loving parents, unlike her. Not everyone grew up with addicted, crazy parents.
She got very upset and walked away crying. My SO glared at me.
I ended up leaving after that.
My SO messaged me this morning, saying that I’m a massive jerk for saying something that was still so sensitive for R.
That I was the disrespectful one for always rubbing my wealth in her face and that I should apologize. I didn’t respond back. He’s also at fault for letting her insult me for this long. He didn’t defend me all those times she said outta-pocket crap.
When she disrespects me it’s completely fine, but as soon as I get disrespectful, it’s not funny anymore.
I feel guilty that I mentioned her parents, but she should also respect me and my parents.
I’m partially wrong for saying that about her parents, but I never shoved my wealth in her face.
I had an expensive bag with me, that is not shoving my wealth in her face. I don’t feel wrong about that at all. AITJ?”
I don't know why he's still with you and defending her, but I know it spells trouble for your relationship with him. He doesn't say anything to R when she snipes at you, he doesn't defend you to either her or his other friends, and now he wants you to apologize to her? Ummm, NO. Just dump the whole bunch. They all sound like they're jealous as h**1 of you, and that won't change. Best to kick them all to the curb.
19. AITJ For Not Agreeing For My Mom To Stay At My House While She's Going Through Divorce?
“My mother caused a lot of issues in me, my wife, and my baby’s life.
When we let her come over to the house to help with the baby and spend time with us she crossed multiple boundaries. Here are some things that have happened over the course of three months:
1. My mother would not accept the fact that me and my wife were not having any more kids any time soon.
My wife told her multiple times that her first pregnancy destroyed her mentally and she’s not ready yet but my mother kept pushing saying it’s fine because every baby is different.
2. Also caught her telling my family to not talk or make any attempts to reach out to my wife because she is going through postpartum and acting ‘crazy’.
3. Whenever we didn’t come with the baby or said that the baby just needs alone time without any people she would flip out and put our phones on blast.
4. She kept trying to persist that we let the baby call her mom or momma.
Then got mad saying that should be her title because she is a mom.
5. And these two things happened on the same day then we went with no contact. It was my daughter’s nap time and my wife went to grab her, my mom said that she wants her and she was going to play with her.
My wife said it doesn’t matter it was her nap time then my mother replied ‘If she wants me I’m going to play with her regardless’ trying to turn her back to keep the baby. I grabbed the baby from her.
Saying if she wants to make the rules get pregnant and have a baby on your own and make your own rules. An hour into the baby’s nap time, we find her with the baby in her hands, the baby ‘crying’ and her holding her hand over her mouth so we didn’t hear that she was out of bed.
Me and my wife were discussing little to no or no contact at all by incident number three. Right when it got to the baby we were done and this happened in the span of three months. Haven’t talked to my mother in over a year.
Now she’s messaging me asking if she can stay at my place because she and my dad are getting divorced. I told her I could get her a hotel but she can’t stay here. She didn’t like that and was telling me that she really needed emotional support here and she felt like she was depressed. I told her I’m sorry I’m willing to help her as much as I can financially but she can’t stay here.
With all due respect, my priorities aren’t with my mother. I have a wife and a baby girl and that’s what I’m prioritizing. I do feel bad for my mom but having her over has already made us feel unsafe.
She could have changed but I don’t know if I want to find out if she did. I feel like a jerk to her but also I’m putting my family first and I feel like this is justified.
AITJ?”
And, if she's going to be close to your home, I would consider getting a temporary restraining order, just to keep Mommy Dearest honest. Because she sounds just the type to say that "I got locked out of my son's home and my granddaughter needs me!" and get some poor sympathetic soul to let her in. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could sling a Steinway.
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Husband's Siblings?
“My (30 F) husband’s (30 M) father died when he was young and his mother died a few years back, leaving the house (not paid off) to next of kin, which divided it between his 2 siblings (F 26, M 27).
When she passed, I was still in school. My husband brought up the idea a few months after she passed, that we re-model the house when we had the budget and make that our home for life. I agreed, & the siblings were fine with it.
My husband had been paying the mortgage a few years before his mother passed, and never made his siblings pay a dime. Even after I moved in, I never made them pay since we wanted them to be able to get on their feet, go through school, get adult jobs, & not feel burdened by finances since my husband & I were planning on staying there long term anyways, and we could afford it without them.
When I graduated, I worked a lot & picked up a lot of OT to pay my loans back in a year to be debt free. We both saved up to pay for our wedding. After, I picked up a lot of OT to stash for our remodel, as well as pay down the mortgage.
The mortgage is finally almost paid off completely, the siblings are talking about moving out, and my husband & I are talking about trying for a baby. My husband then brought up how we are going to pay his siblings their share of the house (about 40k each) since it was left to all 3 of them.
I told him I hadn’t thought about it & if we could pick up the conversation at a later date.
I’m just so upset because I’ve been working SO hard to be debt free & save for our potential child(ren) & retirement & maybe a vacation home in the future, & now thinking about shelling out another 80k when we never made them pay one time for anything makes me want to cry.
So, AITJ for not wanting to pay them?”
17. AITJ For Throwing My Wife's Phone Away?
“Still at the cottage and my wife isn’t talking to me. It’s not even our cottage, it’s my parents’ and we were supposed to be here to work on our marriage because we’ve been having issues.
Not huge issues, but issues. Nobody’s had an affair or gambled or anything. But she couldn’t stop messaging her ‘writing friend.’ All they do is talk about their characters or roleplay them with each other. My wife is looking for a serious career in writing, and she is a great writer, but this is literally just for fun.
She’s never going to publish this gay dark academia borderline fanfiction she’s writing, and she knows it (this isn’t my opinion, she’s said this). I mean I would still be mad with her working while we’re supposed to be spending time together, but this is worse.
I told her I wanted her to focus on me and our relationship, and she said she would, she’s just had a new stream of ideas she can’t control. Which again, I could excuse if this was publishable stuff, but it’s just her and her friend pretending to be two university students in love.
But I did something really trashy. I tried to initiate with her last night, and she rejected me, which is fine because it happens obviously, nobody’s in the mood all the time, but then she just went right on her phone roleplaying these guys.
I grabbed her phone and threw it out the window. The phone is fine, she has a good case (which I knew, I wasn’t trying to break it), but she called me a piece of work and a ton of other things and isn’t speaking to me today.
I know no matter what I’m the jerk in all honesty, I’m just curious over whether this is an everybody sucks situation or not, and I have nothing else to do because she won’t talk to me.”
16. AITJ For Buying A Mini Fridge For Myself?
“I (19 F) go to a really expensive college.
I’m lucky because not only did I get a scholarship but my parents are wealthy and I can get money whenever I want, my roommate on the other hand isn’t as lucky. She comes from a poor background and has to work because her parents can’t pay her tuition and she doesn’t even have a partial scholarship.
She often takes my food because she wants to spend most of her spare money on makeup/clothes/decorations and paying for her monthly payment to the school, so I allowed her to eat the food I bought. The issue was that she started eating too much.
I understand eating 3-4 times a day, but my roommate literally ends a whole fridge full of food in less than 2 weeks and I got to eat less than 25% of what I HAD BOUGHT.
It got to the point I asked her to cut it down a bit and she got offended asking me if I was calling her fat, to which I replied no I’m calling you a binge eater.
She said she’d stop but she never did.
Last week I got fed up because I had bought my favorite cake from a bakery 30 minutes away and it cost me 120$ and I put a little note on it that said ‘You can eat some but please leave me half!’ and when I came home that same day she had eaten the whole cake and the note said ‘Sorry hope you didn’t mind I was hungry and stressed’.
I ordered a mini fridge from Amazon and it arrived at my house 4 days ago. I immediately went shopping for things I would eat that could last me at least 1-2 weeks. I’d rather have less food supply than pay for more and have less.
It’s in my room and my room is always locked when I’m not home.
Yesterday I was laying in bed when she barges in and says ‘Hey the fridge is kinda empty, when are you going to buy more food?’ I told her ‘I’m not’ and she got mad and told me I knew her situation and I should be a ‘real friend’ and buy food for her.
Then she saw the mini fridge and she started losing it, really don’t even remember what she said. Now her friends are texting me asking me why I decided to stop buying food for us when that was the ‘agreement’.
I’m sure she’s telling them a twisted side of the story but I still wanna know AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Resigning From Being A Bridesmaid After I Got Fat-Shamed?
“I (24 F) have been friends with ‘April’ (27 F) for close to 15 years now. We met at gymnastics as kids and formed a close bond.
It seemed natural for us that I would be a bridesmaid just as we had always planned. The wedding was delayed a lot and then I received big news.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I was lucky that we caught it early so I had surgery followed by chemotherapy.
April was supportive throughout all this, she made appointments for dress shopping to fit around my schedule.
When we picked the bridesmaids’ dresses April said she would be paying for them and alterations, she said it was her way of thanking us for being there for her.
We chose to buy mine a size up from what I wore because chemo could cause weight gain. Unfortunately, I’ve had to go through more rounds than first predicted.
Three weeks ago we went to a fitting and my dress wouldn’t close.
I was embarrassed, I didn’t want to leave the changing room but April talked me into coming out as the other girls hadn’t seen me try it on and they were excited.
I came out and explained the problem to April, apologized, and offered to pay her back for the dress and to pay for the alterations to make it fit.
All that needed doing was for it to be let out, it had been taken in at my previous fitting before I had more chemo. The seamstress said that it was easy to do and that it wouldn’t damage the dress as we had bought a size bigger in the first place.
I thought everything was fine until we went out for dinner with a few of our friends to celebrate it getting closer to the wedding. When I ordered a pasta April gave me a strange look and then made a comment about how it was no wonder I didn’t fit into the dress and how I couldn’t just say the weight gain was from the chemo.
I was in shock about it and didn’t know what to do then when someone told her it was a horrible thing to say she started saying I would ruin her wedding pictures and it was already bad enough that she had to buy a size 10 dress just so I would fit into it and now her pictures would be ruined by a ‘whale who can’t stop stuffing their face’.
I didn’t think it was fair as I’ve been on a diet ever since my diagnosis to combat any weight gain from my treatment and I lost it. I did raise my voice, I told her that I can’t believe anyone could be as cold and heartless as to say that, and considering how she’s been there throughout this whole thing the only conclusion I could make was that she’s a narcissist who should be given an Oscar for her acting talents.
I said not to worry about the pictures because I wouldn’t be there at all and that I’m glad she can’t get a refund on the dress then told her fiancé he should just contact a divorce lawyer now to save time because it would be sad to be stuck with her then I left.
I’ve been told I was harsher than needed and shouldn’t drop out this close to the wedding but I don’t see why I should have to be there after I was humiliated. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Refusing To Officiate Or Attend My Brother's Wedding?
“I (33 m) got engaged to my long-time partner (30 f) this summer.
My brother (29 m) got engaged to his partner (29 f) literally a week later.
We have never been fans of my brother’s choice of partner. She is very self-absorbed and emotionally manipulative and has driven wedges between my brother and multiple family members.
The family generally sees her as a bit of a gold digger… she even planned her own Disney proposal and guilted my brother into dropping 13k on a ring for her. She also tried to get my brother to cut ties with our youngest brother at one point, as she and him never saw eye to eye.
She doesn’t have a great relationship with her own mom and has generally latched on to our mom as her de facto mother figure. She will constantly call and text her throughout the day. She also has a habit of inviting herself along when my mom is going out to dinner with other people/relatives.
It annoys my mom to no end but she’s too polite to say anything about it. She even went wedding dress shopping with her a few weeks ago. Anytime somebody says something to my brother he gets very defensive and says not to involve him.
With that said, after they got engaged we tried to make nice. I had even agreed to officiate their wedding, as I have done that for friends in the past.
My fiancée went shopping for her wedding dress this weekend.
She invited my mom, and her own mom and stepmom flew in from out of town. While they were getting brunch beforehand, my brother’s fiancée kept calling and texting my mom asking to be invited out. My mom told her to ask my fiancée (something she never did).
My fiancée only wanted the moms and didn’t even invite her bridesmaids. After she gets persisting I texted my brother and asked him to tell her to stop, which she did.
I thought that was the end of it, but apparently, my future SIL threw a giant tantrum afterward.
My mom tried to call my brother, and she picked up his phone to tell my mom she isn’t speaking to her.
My point of view is that she owes both my fiancée and my mother apologies. She tried to invite herself to an event that had nothing to do with her but which was a very important life event for my fiancée.
She then proceeded to make it about herself when she set some very reasonable boundaries. She never once asked my fiancée’s permission. With that said her narrative of events is that we meanly went out of our way to tell her she wasn’t welcome.
AITJ for refusing to officiate or even attending my brother’s wedding if they don’t have the courtesy to even apologize to my fiancée?”
13. AITJ For Putting My Stuff In A Safe?
“I (21 f) and my partner (23 m) have been living together for 2 years. There has always been a bit of financial struggle as I used to make more than him and have usually been picking up the slack in our household.
However, I have started a new job and am earning a lot less than before so I’ve started to be more cautious about the amount I am spending.
During our relationship, I would usually buy all of his toiletries and most household products.
I told him I would not be doing this anymore as I need to cut down my own spending and he also works and is capable of buying things on his own. I thought we had agreed to this but as time has gone on I’ve noticed all of my expensive skincare and even my own deodorant being used up really quickly.
I asked him multiple times to please not use my stuff and even bought him his own skincare so that he could have his own things.
The thing that set me off was that I had bought myself a $220 dollar face wash that is only supposed to be used sparingly.
I have horrible eczema that I have prescriptions for and the products I buy are specifically for my eczema. I hadn’t used it in a while and when I picked up the bottle it was empty. He laughed and said he would replace it and then refused when he learned of the price.
I took inventory of everything else I owned and found out he had used up to $800 worth of product in around 3 months. I know he isn’t naive because I tell him the price of everything I get and tell him not to use them.
I ended up buying a safe that I put under the sink and I put everything I had left inside and hid the key so when I go to shower and get ready I can use my own things and not worry about not affording to keep my skin in check.
When he found out he lost it and said that I was overreacting and that I don’t trust him. It’s turned into a massive deal and my friends think I’m being harsh. I simply cannot afford to keep buying more skincare, and I’ve even been hospitalized this year due to a huge flare-up I had after running out of products.
He’s taking it very seriously and I don’t know what else to do as I’ve already tried asking.”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Married In A Catholic Church?
“My (21 f) partner (24 m) is very Catholic. He goes to church whenever he can, went to private Catholic school all his life, and volunteers with his local youth ministry. I, on the other hand, grew up Catholic but no longer practice the religion because I have religious trauma (involving my cousin’s funeral at 10 years old and a priest yelling at me at 12 for discussing my uncles’ upcoming gay wedding in Confraternity of Christian Doctrine), along with severe anxiety that makes me have a panic attack every time I enter a church.
Therefore, I don’t want to have a panic attack on my big day, so I want to get married somewhere else.
He is an only child living with his parents until we graduate college and I live on our campus, so I am always at his house.
The other night, we were at his house having dinner when the topic of marriage came up. Now, I’m 21 and I do not have any desire to get married any time soon. He and his parents and family friends began to talk about how you have to get special permission to be married outside of a church.
Then, my partner pulled up one of his ‘favorite Catholic YouTubers’ who has a video explaining this. The video said that as a Catholic, you can’t get married outside of a church because a wedding is ‘not about you, it’s about following Christ.’ Because I have talked to him repeatedly before about my trauma and how it won’t go away easily and he’s agreed, I sent him a text at the table that said ‘I am absolutely NOT getting married in a church.’ He read it, stared at me, and then ignored it.
He treated me absolutely normally for the rest of dinner.
When we got into the car, he said something along the lines of ‘I didn’t know that we had to get married in the church, that’s crazy, right?’ Knowing full well that HE was the one who showed the video to everyone.
I simply told him that I didn’t want to talk about it. I think he knows I’m mad at him but has not pried.
Now I feel like a jerk for refusing to compromise on something that’s important to him.
We have had several discussions about religion and I told him I could see my very religious aunt for spiritual counseling if that would make him feel better, but I feel pressured.
So, am I the jerk?”
11. AITJ For Getting Into Details About Why I'm Fine?
“I (16 F) have really bad periods.
My cramps are so bad that they make me nauseous and sometimes I have to lie in bed all day, or risk vomiting. I also tend to run a fever during this time. I have myriads of other crappy symptoms that make my periods miserable for me, but they aren’t really relevant.
Today was one of the many days where I felt like I was going to die from my cramps. I took an ibuprofen, but it didn’t help much. So, when my mother called me down for dinner, I dragged myself to the table and sat in silence.
I was too nauseous to eat and out of it from my slight fever to talk. Of course, my parents noticed because I’m typically very talkative. When they asked what was wrong, I told them my stomach hurt.
This sparked a lot of questions.
‘Are you sick?’ ‘Do I need to keep you home from cheer practice tomorrow?’ ‘Are you going to vomit?’
Now, I’m the type to get awkward when people worry about me, so instead of just saying, ‘No, I’m fine,’ I told my parents that I wasn’t sick, I was just having terrible period cramps and they were making me nauseous.
That’s all the detail I went into, no descriptions of anything, just the mention that my period was the cause.
Immediately everyone stared at me awkwardly, even my mom and my sister. My dad started talking about how I should keep things like that to myself, and how I made everything awkward.
My sister said that I must be lying for attention because her cramps are never that bad, and I just want to ruin our dinner or make an excuse for me not liking it.
I started to feel really ashamed as my family went on about how disgusting it was for me to bring that up at dinner.
Eventually, they stopped, but not before turning to my sister and saying how they hope that she’s never as rude as I am.
I know this is a little stupid, but am I the jerk?”
10. AITJ For Not Seeing My Stepmom As My Mom?
“My (15 F) mom died when I was 2.
My dad remarried when I was 7. My stepmom has always wanted to be my mom, but she’s not. I don’t hate her, but she’s just not my mom. Nobody can replace my mom.
This summer, I went to Ireland with my maternal grandparents to visit my grandpa’s family.
While there, my grandpa and his brother were telling some stories from their childhood. Pretty much your classic grandparent stories about how they walked ten miles to school, uphill both ways. They were also talking about how they used to cut turf to burn.
They made it sound like cutting turf was the worst, most difficult task known to man and I said that they were probably exaggerating about how hard it is.
My grandpa then asked my cousin to show me how to do it, so I could see just how easy it is.
I spent the rest of the day cutting chunks out of a bog while my cousin watched and did absolutely nothing to help. I won’t get into the details, but Grandpa wasn’t exaggerating and I definitely will not make fun of him again anytime soon.
My cousin decided to take pictures. He sends me those pictures every now and then to bug me.
Yesterday my stepmom saw the pictures on my phone and asked me about it. I explained to her and she said that I should have told her before and my grandparents were mistreating me.
I laughed and said it wasn’t that bad and it definitely wasn’t that serious. She said that as my mom, she didn’t think I should be spending so much time with them.
For context, she’s never liked my grandparents and has always tried to stop me from spending a lot of time with them.
I said that she’s not my mom, she’s my dad’s wife and has no right to control my life.
Then she started crying and said that she’s tried to love me like a mother but I’ve always rejected her and hated her.
I don’t hate her, but she’s just not my mom. This was two days ago and she still isn’t talking to me any more than the bare minimum. My dad thinks I shouldn’t be so rude to her and he said I should apologize.
I don’t think I should apologize. Am I the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Not Using My Workplace's Washroom?
“The light in the washroom at my job is a motion sensor light and it turns off after 3 minutes so you’d have to leave the bathroom stall and stand outside where the sink is for it to turn back on.
I have IBS and I need to use the washroom regularly throughout the day and def for more than 3 minutes at a time. In the beginning, I would be in the washroom and the light would go out and I would have to use my phone’s flashlight to see around and it was a pain in the butt.
Plus my phone almost slipped and fell in the toilet multiple times so now anytime I have to use the washroom I leave and walk to a mall that’s around a 5 min walk to use the washroom. This obviously consumes a lot of time because of the 10 min walk alone (5 going and 5 coming back plus the time I spend in there).
My supervisor noticed and asked me why I leave frequently and I explained that I can’t use the washroom if the lights going to go out after 3 min. He’s also aware of my condition. He said that this is wasting too much time and that 3 minutes is enough time to be in and out of the washroom.
I said I will keep going to the mall to use the washroom unless they fix the whole motion sensor lights and that it was ridiculous of them to try and time how long someone should be in the washroom.
Ever since that discussion, my supervisor has been acting weird and he even casually asked one of the other coworkers if she’s ever had an issue using the washroom at work and she said no, he did this in front of me to make sure I could hear it and also keeps making petty comments about it.
As of right now I am still using the mall’s washroom and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Being Honest With How I Feel About My Mom?
“I (27) have three siblings, a stepbrother (29) and two half-sisters sisters (Selene 16, 10).
My mum died when I was 7. It was really hard for me, especially when Dad started going out with my stepmom a year later. I’ll admit I was a jerk to her, but I really missed my mum. Now I’m really close with my stepmom and get along ok with my stepbrother.
I’ve always been close to my sisters. Selene and I are extremely close and basically best friends. She confides in me more than her mum. I do think she looks up to me, and I definitely try to be a good older sister, though Dad jokes that I’m a bad influence.
Last weekend while I was visiting they were doing a big cleanup. I ended up kinda snooping through Dad’s old cabinet and found old photo albums. I found a few that had photos of me when I was little and my mum.
I got distracted and was just looking at the old photos instead of cleaning, and Selene got curious. She asked about it and I mentioned about it being photos of my mum. She asked me about her and we talked about it, though was a little awkward.
I basically said what I remember of her, how it hurt when I lost her and love, and just a few things about her. While I was happy to answer a few questions, I don’t really like talking about Mum so I did try to wrap the conversation up.
But then Selene asked me if I’d rather my parents stay together, that dad never got with her mum. I was honest and told her that while I did love my stepmom, it wasn’t the same. That I wish I could have Mum in my life, and how different things would be, just like how Selene wouldn’t want to lose my stepmom.
For some reason that really upset her and she basically left crying. I tried to talk to her after, but she refuses to talk to me.
Dad thinks I should apologize and that I was too honest even if I meant well, but I don’t think I said anything wrong.
He told me that she loves me so saying what I did hurts even if I didn’t mean it that way, but I didn’t say anything about her. She’s my sister, I love her. I honestly don’t know why she’s upset about this.
My stepbrother says I’m being oblivious as usual (admittedly I can sometimes be thoughtless, but I actually don’t get it here), but refuses to actually explain what I said wrong. My stepmom is the only one who seems to understand me here, though she suggested I just give Selene some time to calm down.
I just don’t understand what’s going on or if I said something that bad.”
7. AITJ For Not Making My Sister Eat Only Her Coleslaw Sandwich?
“Recently, I (24) hosted a family gathering. I served coleslaw, fruit salad, and cooked meatballs from scratch with a family recipe. I boiled spaghetti as well and put it in a bowl separately from the meatballs.
My sister (26) was the only family member of mine in town at the moment, so she arrived early. She asked to help in the kitchen, and I allowed her to do so, assuming she would not sabotage my cooking. When I walked back into the kitchen, to my horror I saw, and smelled, that she poured maple into the pasta and meatballs, and mixed them into the same bowl.
I asked her what she did. She look confused and responded that she added syrup to the spaghetti. What she did was so shocking that it amused me, and I questioned her reasoning for this move.
She said that pasta was a carb and made of wheat just like pancakes, and that meatballs were red meat just like bacon, so her combination was normal and would taste good.
I simply shook my head and said ‘No.’
It took me a second to comprehend, but she ruined the meal I made. I asked her to make something to make up for what she ruined. She did as I asked, but I had to stop her after she took my wonder bread, peeled off the crusts, and spooned coleslaw onto her ‘sandwich.’
I gave up and told her to stall our guests while I boil pasta. Making meatballs would take an incredibly long amount of time.
When I was done, I told her that she can eat the coleslaw sandwich which she made for dinner, because I could not afford to waste more food.
When my family and I sat at the dinner table to eat, she would try to passive-aggressively bring up how I did not let her eat what everyone else was having. I then brought up that she ruined my meatballs with maple syrup.
My brother (18) asked us what had happened. I explained how our sister poured syrup into the meal I had cooked. My brother winced and said that despite how unappetizing her combo sounded it was cruel to not let her eat what everyone else was having, and make her eat a horrible sandwich.
I told him that she made the sandwich and that she can eat it.
I do feel like I was honestly being a jerk in this scenario. Now I am asking you to tell me if I was being a jerk.”
6. AITJ For Refusing To Let Go Of My Cat?
“I (20 f) am a university student who still lives with my parents. They got me a cat when I was 16 and then another one when I was 17.
I’ve grown really attached to them. I’m their sole caretaker, I do everything and no one else in my family is responsible for them. They’re permanent fixtures in my life and they helped me through so much.
The second cat (let’s call him C) is super attached to me and the vet suspects he has separation anxiety.
He gets really scared of other people but is really affectionate and clingy with me. The problem is that my dad is allergic to him. He isn’t allergic to the first cat, but he sneezes like crazy around the second one.
He travels for work so for every three months, he’s only home for one. His allergies seem to get worse when he’s away for longer and the cats are not allowed out of my room when he’s home.
I developed a system; I make sure to change whenever I leave my room so there isn’t any fur or dander.
It seems to work but sometimes my brother or my mother enters my room and my dad starts sneezing. For reference, if he stays home for a month then he’d be sneezing for a week. He refuses to take any allergy pills to help with it.
Last month it got really bad because I had surgery and my mom kept entering my room to help me. She keeps asking me to give away C, and she thinks it’s fine because I’d still have the first. She calls me a bad daughter and says that I don’t care about my dad.
It’s driving me crazy because she says the same thing five times a week.
AITJ for refusing to do so? My parents and sister believe I am, but I planned to move in a year to another country. We have a house in that country but my mom just told me that the cats aren’t allowed to live there with me (even if my dad will be there at most three months a year).
Even if I don’t move, I’m twenty years old and I won’t be living with my parents forever.
Edit: My dad has never asked me to give away my cat, but he complains to my mom and she is the one who asks.
She has never asked me to give away my cat before last year. Also, his allergies aren’t bad, all that happens is sneezing and nothing serious.
My parents will not let me move out unless I’m married or I’m moving for school.
It’s a cultural thing, we’re south asian. I don’t have the option to simply move out, I wish I did. I also can’t legally work while studying in the country I live in. But I am looking into moving somewhere else in a year.”
5. AITJ For Calling My Neighbor Disgusting And Foul?
“I (f 21) cook and bake fairly regularly. I often sell my cakes and cookies to ppl. But when I test out a new recipe or just cook/bake for fun I give them away to friends and neighbors. Well, I live next to two males: j (27) and C (30).
We share a porch (our front doors are on opposite sides). I interact with J the most. We both smoke (devil lettuce) so we often find ourselves smoking. I have gotten to know these neighbors pretty well and when I’m out of town they watch my plants (key factor here) so they have my key.
Here’s the problem: whenever I cook for J he returns my dishes dirty. I found this rude but I’m not native to America so I don’t know if that’s just the culture. It’s annoying since J usually leaves it outside so the food hardens causing me more work.
He doesn’t rinse it out which is crazy to me. I’ve been in his house and it’s the same crap. Moldy dishes.
I went out of town recently and J watched my plants. When I returned I found moldy dishes IN MY SINK.
I found my fridge had been switched around, crumbs and stains all over my counter, floors covered in I don’t even know but I had to use my now retired-to-clean bread cutter to get off some of the gunk.
And there was mud on my carpet. And to kick it off a dish I let them borrow was outside my apartment and it was full of MOLD!
I have since stopped giving them my leftovers. I’ve stopped smoking when I know he’s home.
Stopped buying groceries for them (how I pay them for watching my plants) and invest in self-watering systems. I’ve completely cut them off as much as I can.
Yesterday J and I left at the same time and he was curious about my trip and noticed the smell of cookies and other foods I was making and was wondering why I haven’t given him the usual. And I’m blunt so I said ‘You’re disgusting and foul and I have no time for anyone like that.
Especially when you bring that into my home’ and I walked away before he could respond because I didn’t care to hear what he has to say. He sent me a long text message apologizing and that my words hurt him deeply.
He also said he’s been depressed lately and he would like to go back to how things were but I’m having none of it. I told my partner about all of this and he said I should probably accept the apology and apologize myself since we do live next to each other and tell J to rinse out the dishes before returning them but I don’t want to.
So: am I the jerk?
Edit: I sell from my apartment. I sell food from my apartment. His leaving a sink full of mold was like if a bakery did that. I had to throw away about 500$ worth of stuff because I don’t know if he touched it ungloved.”
4. AITJ For Telling My Niece She's A Product Of An Affair?
“I (42 M) have a niece Lily (18 F). Lily is the result of an affair my ex-fiancee had with my brother while we were still together. I was led to believe Lily was mine throughout the entire pregnancy and almost signed her birth certificate before my ex confessed out of guilt that Lily was probably my brother’s.
We did a DNA test and Lily wasn’t mine. During my teens I got into an accident that left me infertile, the doctors said my chances of fathering a child were slim to nonexistent so you can imagine how crushed I felt when I discovered that not only I’m not going to be a father but I was also betrayed by 2 people I loved.
It’s been years since and I did well for myself. I’m the first in my family to attend University and I landed a high-paying job right after graduation, I own my own business, and invest in property and since I’m both single and childless I can spend my income however I please.
My ex ended up marrying my brother, I’m somewhat cordial towards them but I can’t bring myself to fully forgive them for what they did. And although I know Lily is blameless whenever I see her I’m constantly reminded of how I was once overjoyed with holding her in the hospital thinking she was mine, so I can’t bare to look at her for too long.
I didn’t visit her growing up, didn’t take her on fun trips, or give her lavish gifts like I did for the rest of my nieces and nephews. I wasn’t mean or hateful to her but I will admit I kept my distance.
When my oldest nephew turned 18 I decided that I will pay for his college education since I could afford it while his parents couldn’t. I even rented him one of my apartments for cheap so he wouldn’t have to worry about finances and could focus on getting his education.
Since then I did the same thing for 2 of my other nieces.
Last week Lily approached me during a family event and inquired if I could pay for her education, I told her no. She then called me a jerk and asked why I was so distant towards her and her parents to the point where I couldn’t even do her the same favor I did for the rest of her cousins.
I told her that her parents have enough money to afford her education and asked her how she could possibly expect me to be ok with watching my ex and brother who had an affair behind my back play happy family in front of me.
After that, Lily got quiet for the rest of the event and left early.
I later got a call from my ex yelling at me for ruining her family, apparently, she and my brother didn’t bother telling Lily about what they did to me all those years ago and now she is so angry at them that she decided to go live with her significant other’s family.
I’m starting to feel guilty that I told her the truth since it affected her more than I thought it would, but at the same time she is grown enough to know the truth and I don’t think I could’ve lied to her face even if I wanted to.
AITJ?
Quick edit/update:
Here are a couple of reasons why it was so hard for me to look at Lily all those years:
1) My ex and I began going out when we were 13 and broke up when we were 24, so 11 years.
She knew about my infertility issues and how much I wanted to be a dad and still led me to believe the baby was mine.
2) I named Lily when she was born since I always liked the name and wanted to name my daughter that, my ex didn’t change her name even after it was discovered she’s not mine.
3) My brother and I look alike, Lily looks like my brother and as a result, she also looks a lot like me. If my ex didn’t tell me back then I wasn’t her father I wouldn’t have suspected a thing.
4) Having to witness a child that looks like me, has the name I chose, and was being raised by the woman I loved for so long, all the while being infertile really made it impossible for me to be an active part of Lily’s life like I was for her cousins.
Not out of resentment toward her, but for the sake of my mental health.”
Would it have been nice for you to treat Lily as you have your other nieces and nephews? Of course. Do I think you're a jerk for not doing so? Absolutely not. It would be adding insult to injury over a situation whose capacity for causing you pain has never abated. You're an uncle, not a saint. I think you've behaved far better than Lily's parents deserve. Gods bless you.
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Left Alone With My Partner's Mom?
“My (26F) partner (28M) of a year moved in with me four months ago.
To cut to the chase, his mom accused me of being neurotic because I have a (medically diagnosed) heart disease, but she thought I was overreacting or something.
This hurt me because I actually liked her… I felt really close to her and thought we could build a relationship. But hearing her judge me like that really stung. For context: I’ve been accused of faking it multiple times, doctors would say it’s PMS or sinus.
So yeah it hasn’t been fun. This is why I am very private about my medical history. My partner is aware of all of this.
Now she’s planning on visiting us for a week. And I’m okay with it but I asked my partner to please not put me in a situation where I’m alone with her for a night or two.
I’m just not comfortable with it yet. But I also told him that I’m interested in mending my relationship with her but I just need time. Time to build trust and confidence and then wounds will heal.
Tonight he kept asking me about it and pressing me to talk with her otherwise it would be awkward.
I told him that I’m not comfortable with having such a conversation with her… I’ll be friendly and happy, I just don’t want to defend my medical diagnosis again, and that I just need time to heal.
He kept pressing and eventually, I broke down in tears and told him that I can’t deal with the stress.
I just want his presence and support. Then he told me that he already told his mother that I didn’t want to be alone with her and my reason.
I broke down even more. I’m feeling such betrayal. I made it clear from the get-go that I am very uncomfortable with people discussing my mental and physical health without my permission, let alone something like this.
I still refuse to have that conversation. But he said that it will be awkward if I don’t.
Now, his mom doesn’t want to visit us anymore because she doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Being An Inconvenience To My Family?
“So at my dad’s house (it’s a two-story house) upstairs is big, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one kitchen, and one lounge room/dining room.
Downstairs is one bedroom, a wine/liquor cabinet and the rest is storage.
I was down there for a month or two and was going through a hard time mentally. I was alone downstairs. I was having a lot of almost unending panic attacks (which for normal people would only last 8-10 minutes but if you don’t calm yourself down it can be panic attack after panic attack which is what would happen to me for hours on end) my mum found out and she told my dad that she wants me to move back upstairs.
My dad and stepmom couldn’t figure out what to do as my three other siblings were in the rooms upstairs. They asked my older brother if he wanted to move back down and he said no. So they thought my younger sister (7) and my younger brother (4) could move into the biggest room in the house together, and they would normally like to sleep together anyway because they are close.
So they moved me into my younger sister’s now old room. I was sitting on my bed on FaceTime with my best friend. My dad knocked on the door and I told my friend to hang on a sec and muted myself.
My dad looked me dead in the eyes and called me an inconvenience to our family. I managed to keep myself together for the rest of the conversation and then broke down talking to my friend. I messaged my mum and asked her to come pick me up because I just wanted to go home.
I told Dad I was leaving and he got mad asking me why. I asked him not to yell at me and went back to my room to wait for my mum locking the door.
I got into the car tears on my face.
My mum asked me what was wrong I told her what he said. She got mad but I told her not to do anything. I thought that it was fine moving up into my sister’s old room and she mostly spent time in my younger brother’s room.
Now I can’t help but feel bad for taking her room. I don’t want to go back as I am afraid that my dad will yell at me again. So am the jerk?”
1. AITJ For Calling My Sister Selfish When She Refused To Babysit My Son For A Few Hours?
“My (29 m) wife (27 f) and I welcomed our first child into the world about 10 months ago. His paternal grandparents (my parents) live several states away, but he has two maternal aunts and uncles (their husbands) by marriage as well as a set of maternal grandparents.
He also has my sister (26 f) as an aunt. My sister is a bit of a rebel who swears she’ll never get married or have kids, and who claims to not even like kids.
When my son was born, though, I remember my sister coming to visit him in the hospital which actually somewhat surprised me, but when she saw her nephew she said ‘I don’t like kids, but he’s so cute that he’s an exception.
He’s officially my favorite kid on the Planet. Don’t ever ask me to babysit, though.’
Well, I never would have dreamed of asking her since he had two willing grandparents as well as two willing aunts. However, recently the perfect storm happened.
My wife works in a jail and as such is considered an ‘essential employee.’ In other words; they can order her into work if they’re short and she doesn’t have a right to refuse, no matter what is happening.
It honestly doesn’t come up very often at all, but when it does it does. Meanwhile, I work as a kitchen manager/head chef at an event hall. I had a huge event that I absolutely couldn’t miss on a day last week when it just so happened that my wife got ordered into work.
Our contingency plan just in case just that sort of thing should happen to occur was to have one of her sisters or her parents watch our son. However they just so happened to all be out of town together that day, so I had no choice but to ask MY sister to just watch her nephew for a few hours until one or both of us were able to get away from our jobs.
But she refused.
I begged and pleaded with her but she just wouldn’t do it, reminding us both that she told us that she said she would never babysit and that our emergency wasn’t her problem. Finally, my wife ended up having to tell her employer ‘Well, I just can’t come in.
Do what you have to in terms of discipline’ which ended with her receiving a written reprimand.
I ended up going off on my sister, telling her that she was selfish, amoral, etc. My sister said ‘I don’t owe you or your wife anything just because we’re related’ but I told her that this was a horrible attitude, that she should have a better sense of loyalty to her family just because that’s the right thing to do whether she’d ever ‘agreed’ to anything or not.
AITJ?”
And gods bless you for defending your wife and seeing your disagreement for what it was, and working through it, quietly. I predict you two will have a long and happy marriage.