People Gossip About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Dad For Leaving My Toddler Sister With Me While I Was Sick?
“I, a 17-year-old female, have been sick for the past couple of days, even had to visit the ER due to pain. My 41-year-old father was fully aware of how sick I was especially because I told him hours before this had taken place that my condition was only getting worse, he shrugged it off and told me to take medicine (that was the first thing I did before I even came to him).
Might I add that I’m also on my period while fighting an unknown illness that the ER couldn’t confirm for me.
At around 5 pm he texted me saying that he’s leaving my sister home with me and he put his phone on DnD, I had been sleeping since around 4:30 pm and I didn’t end up waking up until 6 pm.
So my 2-year-old sister was unmonitored for an hour and now I’m being held responsible? I texted him and told him “it’s not my responsibility to look after her when you can’t, especially if I’m sick, a child that small wouldn’t be able to fight off the sickness the way my body can and you put her at risk (she was in my room when I woke up).
You could’ve AT LEAST made sure I was awake before leaving.”
His only response was “It’s cold so she couldn’t come, she’s your little sister too.” I personally feel no different and I’m remaining in my room AITJ? ( I obviously checked up on her when I woke up and I made sure she was alright.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are legally a minor and under your parents’ care, like your sister. They are responsible for your safety. Yes, as a teen sister, babysitting is probably expected now and then. But he left a TWO-YEAR-OLD alone and unsupervised because you were unconscious and unfit to watch children.
Additionally, you’re sick! Glad she is okay, but legally, your dad committed child neglect (and is the jerk).” Muertes_Garden
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a mom (39f), your “father” is a real jerk. I would NEVER leave my toddler with anyone who was sick unless it was an EXTREME emergency and even then I’d think twice.
And not only did he leave her with you sick, he didn’t even bother to make sure you knew! She could’ve gotten hurt or worse…I bet he’d come home and blame you for that too. Contact a trusted family member and let them know what’s going on.
This is beyond the pale… I hope he gets his comeuppance. And I hope you feel better.” CookiesMelt84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a situation in which it is reasonable to expect one child to take care of another. If you had been simply taking a nap, it would still have been necessary to wake you up before walking away from a toddler.
Just because you are in the house doesn’t mean you are supervising. For all your father knew, you could have taken medicine that knocked you out cold – and the toddler could have burned the house down on top of you both. Or wandered off into the street, or played with the kitchen cutlery.
Call your mom. Your father is a jerk and a negligent parent. Your mom (should) tear him a new one – I know I would.” savinathewhite
22. AITJ For Yelling At My Best Friend After She Dismissed My Grief Over My Dad's Death?
“I (18 F) got into a heated fight with my best friend “Kay” (19 F) over her saying something I never thought she would say.
For a little context, Kay and I have known each other since primary school and we both graduated from high school (I’m from Australia and don’t really do middle school). We have had on-and-off contact with each other since she does Uni and I’m trying to find employment but since it’s been a struggle to find employment once again, Kay invited me out for a day in the city and of course I agreed. I love the city and it helps me forget all the bad stuff that has happened.
Well in June of 2022 on my birthday week, my dad passed away, I was turning 17 that year, my dad passed due to an aortic rupture, (for those who don’t know what that means, it’s when the main vein leading to your heart bursts and no you don’t live very long after).
I had witnessed my dad’s health decline from my backyard patio to keep my dogs calm as my step mum and paramedics worked on my dad, my brother who was only in year 7 at the time was told to stay in his room.
After my dad was taken in the ambulance to the hospital we got picked up by my mum while my step-mum got ready to go to the hospital, sad to say it wasn’t even an hour before we got the phone call saying my dad wasn’t going to make it and to rush to the hospital.
I saw my dad in a state no one else should see their fathers, I held his hand and told him I loved him very much and I didn’t want to let go but I had to.
The following morning on my way to school I got told that he had passed that morning.
While Kay and I were walking around the city, I kept talking to her asking if she thinks my dad would be proud of me for graduating, she shrugged her shoulders and said “I couldn’t care less.” It hurt me for a moment but didn’t let the comment get to me, we continued our walk before we found a spot to sit down and she pulled something out I never forgot.
She looked at me before saying “why should I care your dad is gone, there are heaps of kids who don’t know their dad and they don’t complain.” I looked at her with surprise and shock, I didn’t know what to say, and she then followed her statement by saying “I mean yeah it is sad but you need to hurry up and get over him.”
I started screaming at her, I told her how dare she talk like that when she doesn’t understand the pain of losing someone like your dad, knowing that he has health issues (my dad had an enlarged heart) and not knowing when something like this can happen.
I yelled and continued to yell until I was crying, she stood up and said I was a jerk for screaming at her for just giving me advice.
Am I the jerk here? Should I just take the advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reaction is actually reasonable.
Your friend did not act like a friend at all. You lost your father only a few years ago and you are still young. The emotions can still be raw at times. Your friend (and I use that term loosely) is showing no compassion or empathy at all.
She basically told you that she does not want to provide one of the basic jobs of a friend: emotional support. I suspect that this means that she only wants to be there for you for the good times and not the bad, which means she is, at best, an acquaintance now.
But she isn’t a friend.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lost my mom in August 2022 (I’m double your age, and that was STILL too soon), and if someone told me just to “get over it” they would stop being my friend. Was it great that you yelled?
Probably not, but understandable given the emotional pain. Even if someone did think you talked about your dad and losing him too much, the polite thing would be to let you finish your thought, nod, and find an opportunity to change the subject; or to have a conversation with you at one point about what you could do to move past the pain.
(1.5 years still is a bit recent for a loss like that imo though; I’m just now starting to feel like I’m coming out of my grief period somewhat).” Ms_Meercat
Another User Comments:
“Grief is personal and NO ONE gets to tell another person to get over it or to move on.
There is no timetable for grief. If YOU feel your grief is overwhelming and preventing you from going on in life, find a grief counselor. Lots of widowed parents with kids put their kids in therapy as grief is a lot for a young child to go through.
Those kids may not talk about it because it is private. I have lost loved ones, and while time has taken away the sting, I still miss my loved ones. Your “friend” was rude, crass and I doubt she has ever suffered the loss that you are processing.
She lacks empathy. NTJ.” Aggravating-Pain9249
21. AITJ For Telling My Brother His Wife Is The Problem, Not Our Mother?
“My brother married Kat. Kat is difficult to get along with in general. Everyone in the family has had some type of drama with her. My drama with her revolved around being extremely rude about the food I made for a gathering. In general, she is unpleasant to be around.
The family has taken a step back from my brother and his wife. We really only see them for family holidays. My mother dislikes her and avoids her.
This is where the issue starts, my brother and Kat asked our mother to pet sit. She told them no and it was apparently a large fight.
I asked my mom about it. She doesn’t want to pet sit since she knows Kat would have a problem with something and it’s not worth the hassle.
My brother was calling other people and they were also turning him down. I got a call and he went on a rant about how no one wants to help and our mother has turned the family against him.
I told my brother our mom isn’t the problem, that it’s his wife. That she is the common denominator with all the family drama and people don’t want to put up with her nonsense.
He called me a jerk and I am wondering if I went too far.”
Another User Comments:
“Instead of simply saying “no” or making an excuse, every person should tell him/them exactly why. “We’re no longer willing to let Kat berate us/scold us/insult us (insert whatever the difficult behavior has been), which is what happens every time we interact with her.
She’s made it clear she has no affection or respect for us, and we’ve to take a step back.” Each person should then present their own specific examples of her behavior towards them. Your brother needs to know the extent of her treatment of you all.
So does she, if there’s even a slim chance she’s not aware of how offensive she is towards you.” Hungry_Composer644
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you can’t be honest with your brother then what’s the point of talking? He just doesn’t see or want to see the truth.
Your mom has every right to say no to pet sitting as does everyone else. My suggestion is to tell your brother to ask everyone else to have honest conversations with him about his wife and how they feel.” Lost_Tough_4502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe it’s time to sit down with your brother one-on-one (without Kat) and lay out a specific instance of Kat-induced drama for each member of the family. Ask him, each time, if the family caused the problem or if Kat did. Point out that your mother was not involved in these instances (if that’s true).
He’s not going to like it. He’s going to be angry. He’s going to defend his wife. All of this is understandable, but then you need to point out that it isn’t you and the family that are causing these issues, and until Kat can come down off of whatever high horse she’s decided to ride and act civil to everyone, you’re all going to limit contact as much as possible to avoid any further drama.” BunnySlayer64
20. AITJ For Being Upset With My Husband Over His Parents' Disrespectful Behavior?
“Earlier today we went to an event with my MIL & FIL. They wanted us to go to a bar with them after and we said no because we had things to do. Fast forward to hours later and my MIL, while intoxicated, texts me and my husband saying they were going to come by with their friends.
I told my husband that I was not comfortable with it. We have friends coming by this evening, we were cleaning the house and I have some major anxiety/depression issues and need time to breathe and mentally prepare for hosting a social gathering, even if I’m excited about it.
He told her maybe another time and she kept texting laugh emojis and that they were coming.
This caused us to get into a fight, as it’s not the first time they’ve crossed our requested boundaries. My husband is a very patient and kind man, but is not assertive with his mom as she takes it personally and will cry.
I was upset with him as I know they take advantage of this. They showed up anyway, super intoxicated and trying to barge into our house. I got angry and locked myself in our bedroom and went and took a shower. AITJ for being mad at my in-laws AND my husband??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a shared home. You don’t have an in-law problem. You have a husband problem. Surely he cares whether you feel safe and comfy in your own home? The home he shares with you when they aren’t around? He needs to grow some backbone and learn to enforce boundaries.
Boundaries without consequences are just things for people to laugh at you about.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Negotiating with intoxicated people is hopeless. Husband does need to learn to say no to his parents but it’s pointless when they’re intoxicated. In those circumstances … I’d say, have to be another time ma and pa as we’ve just stepped out.
Then if they show up, hide! Don’t let them in. However, when they are sober your husband needs to remind them you had said you were busy and that sometimes it won’t be a good time or convenient and you know (not hope) that they know you enjoy seeing them but sometimes you have other calls on your time.
It doesn’t have to be confrontational. But does need to be clearly said.” au5000
Another User Comments:
“It’s husband’s parents, his problem to deal with. Do not let them into your home at all. Keep the door closed and locked. Next time let his mom cry, who the frig cares, she’s intoxicated, it means nothing.
Better yet get Ring and record them, the next morning send the video. If that doesn’t at least get them to not come over to your place, warn them you’ll send it to their other kids and family members. So stay away, no intoxicated people allowed. Warn them you’ll call the police to deal with them if they come over and you won’t be bailing them out.
They won’t believe you, so be prepared to call the police. On the plus side, they’ll rethink coming over intoxicated again. So that has got to be a win. All else fails and your husband won’t stand up to his parents… time to move 6 hours away.
Not kidding here. Time to move far far away. Start looking for jobs. NTJ… for not letting them into your home. Who wants to clean up their mess, watch them damage your stuff, or babysit them till they sober up? Nope, keep them out. ” Outrageous-forest
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Into The Bathroom While I Was Showering?
“I was taking a shower and in the middle of it, my partner suddenly knocks on the door and pulls the handle several times. With the water running it was difficult to hear what she said. She then proceeds to turn off the lights in order to get my attention.
I shout that once I’m done I will open the door, but she doesn’t want to turn the light back on until I open the door. I get a bit irritated about the situation since I can’t really see anything and I’m near-sighted on top of it being pretty dark.
She wanted to go work out and brush her teeth beforehand. After I was done we got in a bit of an argument since I said it was unnecessary to turn off the lights while I was in the shower, and that she just could have waited until I was done.
She starts ranting about wanting to head off so she’s at the gym before a certain time since then the treadmills would be taken and so on. I just felt it was a bit unnecessary and now she headed off while the mood wasn’t particularly at its best.
AITJ for not opening the door right away?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You should have turned the shower off for a second to listen to what she wanted and decide if it’s a reasonable request. She might have had a bad stomach or really needed to use the toilet or had some urgent need. I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask to brush your teeth whilst your partner is showering if you’re waiting to leave the house.
However turning the light switch off was a jerk move, you could easily have slipped and hurt yourself since you say it was pretty dark in there. It was not an emergency of such proportion that this was a reasonable response to you making her wait.
But I think you both acted poorly and inconsiderate of each other here.” AdrenalineAnxiety
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is. She’s pretty selfish and demanding. You were in the shower. That’s unpleasant to leave a shower for a task and then get back in.
My suggestion is to ask her to put a spare toothbrush and toothpaste into her gym bag for future such occasions. She should not interrupt a shower again nor turn off the lights on you (that sounds like a teenager).” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…what’s with all the comments about locking the door?? Just because they’re together doesn’t mean you can’t want privacy for a little bit. My husband and I are going on 16 years together and we both lock the door when showering. Unless we have to rush we both like to relax in the shower.
Now if one of us had a bathroom emergency sure we let the other in. Brushing teeth is not an emergency. And shutting off the lights is pretty darn childish. If I were you OP I’d be petty for a while, anytime you’re going to the bathroom for anything ask her if she needs it first. Maybe repeat yourself a few times to be sure.” LFGM1977
18. AITJ For Asking My Father-In-Law To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of My Biological Father?
“I (31 F) got married two weeks ago to my husband (35 M) after being together for 4 years and knowing each other for 6. Now growing up my father wasn’t around, he had another family after he and my mum split and had my two brothers while my mum had my youngest brother with one of her partners.
After all these years my parents have finally gotten back together and gotten married though I’ll admit I hold a grudge against my father because he left me and my mum. I know that my parents were fighting but it still hurts knowing he left me to have another family.
Prior to my wedding, I asked my father-in-law to a coffee to chat and that’s when I asked him if he would want to walk me down the aisle, though he was skeptical at first because I asked him not my dad. After explaining that we don’t have a good relationship and I’d want a father figure of mine to walk me down the aisle (I had planned on it being my grandfather but he isn’t here anymore) he happily said yes.
When I explained this to my mum before the wedding she told me she understood why but was very disappointed, my father said nothing.
My wedding was beautiful, marrying my best friend and seeing who I thought was my family was amazing. That evening while dancing with my maid of honor my half-brother (dad’s son) came up to me and told me I was an awful human being for taking a valuable moment away from my father since I was his only daughter and since then I’ve had texts from many people on my side of the family berating me because of my decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can choose who you want. Your half-brother is a jerk for having that conversation on the dance floor of your own wedding. If your father was disappointed, he should have discussed this with you privately and not complained to everyone else about it.
I would tell him this directly and let him know you’ll be responding to everyone about why you made your choice because you’ve been under attack with their opinions.
Something like: To all of you who have decided to share your opinion of me choosing my FIL to give me away at my wedding: The act of a father giving his daughter away is a dated tradition based on the fact that daughters used to be considered property and were given away for a dowry.
While some people continue with this tradition despite that exchange no longer being valid today, I chose not to. My father was absent most of my life. I felt abandoned and replaced. While my parents have gotten back together, this doesn’t change how I feel.
That little girl is still inside. I chose my FIL because in the time we have known each other, he has shown me love and respect. He has given me cherished memories and a safe place to land. I wanted to walk down the aisle with no emotional and mental burdens, and my father-in-law gave me that gift. You don’t have to agree with my point of view.
You may have your own opinions. I am not asking you to share them, so please don’t. I made my choice. My day was beautiful, and I’m grateful to all who could take part in it.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my mom died, I delivered her eulogy.
One of her friends did the “religious” type portions of her memorial service. He said to hold hands with your neighbor for a prayer but I was up front by him, by myself. I was very much on autopilot and walked over to a father figure guy who was important to me.
As I was getting there and reaching out my hand, behind him I saw my then-still-estranged dad lighting up in the eyes. I held hands with my friend. My heart knew what I wanted and needed. Who I wanted and needed. And it wasn’t my dad.
In the years since, we’ve rebuilt a relationship and even talked about that day. That day was about me saying goodbye to my mom and he didn’t rank at the time. Much like your wedding was about you, and your dad didn’t rank. I wish you many years of happiness, and maybe even a little luck rebuilding your relationship with your dad (if you want to).” LaughingByCampfire
Another User Comments:
“When I got married I asked my grandmother to “give” me away as she was always there for me, but if my grandad had still been alive it would have been him, as they were more my parents than my mum and stepdad were (stepdad was abusive so my mum was on autopilot a lot, we have a better relationship now since she split with stepdad after 30 odd years!
My sperm donor hasn’t been in the picture since I was a toddler). Now if I ever get remarried it would be my son with my daughter being my maid of honor. In my opinion, it should be the person you feel most comfortable with doing it no matter the gender, if you want anyone doing it at all.
NTJ it was your day so you get to choose who you see fit, not anyone else or tradition.” Competitive_Factor18
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My MIL After She Gave Away My Late Mother's Heirloom Necklace?
“I (30F) am known in my family for my patience and generosity. I’ve always gone out of my way to help others, and I take pride in being a good person.
My husband (32M) and I have a beautiful relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.
My late mother left me a precious heirloom, a vintage necklace that has been in our family for generations. It’s not just valuable, but it holds immense sentimental value to me.
I’ve always kept it safe and only wore it on special occasions, cherishing the memories it holds.
Enter my MIL (57F), who has a history of overstepping boundaries. Despite our differences, when she lost her apartment, my husband and I opened our home to her, asking for nothing in return but basic respect for our belongings.
One day, I came home to find my MIL hosting a tea party with her friends, and to my horror, one of her friends was wearing my mother’s necklace. When I confronted her, my MIL nonchalantly said she gave it away because she thought it was ‘just old jewelry’ and that her friend admired it.
I was heartbroken and felt utterly betrayed. My husband was equally appalled and supported my decision to ask her to leave. Now, the rest of the family is painting me as the villain, saying I’m overreacting and should forgive her because ‘family is family.’
So, AITJ for not being able to forgive this breach of trust?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gave away something that was not hers. Your home was opened to her on the condition that she respect your belongings. She broke that condition on many many levels, so you were right to ask her to leave.
The rest of the family is only hearing her side of the story, in which of course, she is painting you as the villain. She’s still perfectly capable of learning boundaries, and that actions have consequences. If your family members are so concerned, then they should be hosting her.
Quite apart from anything else, I would not expect a person to forgive another person for something that has happened unless a) that person apologizes (genuinely) for the action AND b) takes action to rectify the issue as much as possible, if applicable (in this case, get the necklace back for you, if you don’t already have it back).
If you “forgive” in any other situation, all you are really doing is condoning the action, and stating that your boundaries/conditions actually have no meaning. On a personal note, I am very sorry for the loss of your sentimental piece, and I hope you get it back.” Independent_Rain4838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it wasn’t a precious heirloom, you don’t give things away that aren’t yours to give. Also just so I’m clear, when you say you asked her to leave, do you mean you both asked MIL to move out? Or that the tea party was over?
She’s a jerk either way, I’m just trying to understand why your family wouldn’t support your position. Like you’d be justified either way but girl… “family is family?” Tell them family wouldn’t disrespect you or the memory of your mother.” foxheartedboy
16. AITJ For Spoiling My Kids And Telling My MIL To Mind Her Own Business?
“I (33F) spoil my kids with things I never got from my childhood so whenever they want something they get it but I don’t just give it up easily, they have to work for the things they want.
Don’t want them going around expecting people to give them everything just because.
My mother-in-law (67F) has a problem with me spoiling my kids and said that they won’t know life the way she knew life, she calls them spoiled brats. I checked her about the name-calling because they’re not spoiled brats.
If they don’t get something they won’t throw a tantrum but say they understand so they understand the value of things.
But my mother-in-law was raised differently so she thinks kids shouldn’t be spoiled, I don’t see anything wrong with spoiling your child because sometimes that’s our love language.
My mother-in-law was even upset when I brought my daughter (13F) a MacBook and said all this technology will ruin a brain, I can agree the internet can destroy your brain but it’s just a laptop. When my husband gifted our 6-year-old a pet fish she was upset, I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
I told her I can spoil my kids if I want to and to mind her business because it’s getting ridiculous at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regarding the behavior of your mother-in-law, BUT, a fish, or any pet is not an appropriate gift for a 6-year-old.
I mean especially fish are complicated to keep properly, since they need space and every species has its own needs to water quality, decor, tank size, and social life. Also, the chemical and biological knowledge to run a tank properly is normally far beyond a 6-year-old’s understanding.
So if you take care properly of your child’s fish, this is totally fine, but if you just bought it, dumped it in some far too small bowl, and called it a day since you expect your kid to care for it from now on, you would be the jerk towards the fish.” TielPerson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are your kids healthy? Are they aware of the value of the gifts they’re given? Do they do chores? Do they mock or bully other children for not having the material things they do? Do they properly accept not being able to get something?
Are they disrespectful? Then they’re not brats and even if they were, your mother-in-law shouldn’t say it. Your husband needs to have a chat with his mother and explain that just because she had a miserable childhood doesn’t mean her grandchildren should and she darn well shouldn’t be insulting your children.
Make it clear to her that the first time she insults your children where they can hear is the last time she’ll see your children for a very long time.” Abstruse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law honestly sounds kind of bitter. Not sure if she thought saying ‘they won’t know life the way she knew life’ was some big gotcha.
That’s kind of the point. Shouldn’t she want better for her grandkids than she had? Not even just that, but life and society have changed SO much from when she was a kid and she doesn’t seem to be taking that into consideration.
Just because kids have more today and have it ‘easier’ doesn’t automatically make them spoiled or brats. It sounds like you and your husband are raising them well and giving them a happy home and childhood and that’s really all that matters.” wildhoneybea
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Work Write-Ups Were Deserved?
“I 24f have been friends with a guy we’ll call Shawn 33m for a few years. Shawn is a bit of a hothead, but overall a decent guy.
Yesterday we were talking and he told me he got written up twice at work. I asked him what he did to get written up and he showed me the write-ups.
Both of them were due to him losing his temper over an issue that is a pretty simple fix, and it even said “several coworkers informed management they were incredibly uncomfortable by his crass and vulgar language, as he was swearing and threatening physical action.” The other report stated he was cursing so loud guests were leaving the area and reporting him to management.
He asked me if I thought they were nonsense and I told him no, I don’t think they are and he deserved them. He’s a grown man and it sounds like he was throwing temper tantrums.
He called me a jerk and a “capitalist slave” for siding with his work and left my house.
Shawn has a pretty hard life, both due to his own actions but also the actions of others so I am feeling like I should have handled him with more grace and understanding instead of immediately blaming him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From personal experience, I can say that the worst friendships are with people who take no accountability for their own lives and live every day in their poor me constant state of manufactured victimhood. When he inevitably gets fired he’ll probably hate you for not walking out of the job in solidarity with him.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Shawn just doesn’t like hearing the truth. If you are going to act that way in a professional work setting then expect to be written up or fired for not acting professionally. Shawn needs to learn how to regulate his emotions and seek professional help.
Also, do you really want to have someone as a friend or in your life who throws a tantrum and name calls when they hear the truth?” g-jellyfish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work with a Shawna and I’m her union representative too. Shawna wasn’t raised to have a single coping mechanism and it shows.
Anytime things didn’t go her way she’d have a full-blown meltdown in front of everyone, this is on top of her being not good at her actual job too. I had to have a sit-down and lay it all out for her, that if she doesn’t stop with her nonsense she’s gonna get fired. She started crying and throwing a fit, very on-brand for her.
Nothing you say to these types is going to work. They thrive on chaos and it really is all tied into how they were raised. Your buddy Shawn only asked you to tell him what he wanted to hear, the truth be darned. He doesn’t seem like someone to want to be around outside of work either.
Every time I see Shawna outside of work I turn around and leave before she sees me.” Wicked-Witchy-Woman
14. AITJ For Making My Wife Pay For The Kitchen Cabinets She Ruined With Her DIY Project?
“My wife and I have a shared account that we put money in for shared bills. The rest of the money will stay in our own bank account.
My wife has a habit of doing DIY projects that she has no idea what she is doing. Sometimes it’s small other times it is a huge mess. I have had conversations so many times about her big DIY projects and that we need to agree if she can do them.
This is due to her getting way over her head and then I need to fix it or we have to pay someone. I’m sick of coming home and needing to fix a whole mess.
She decided that she wanted to repaint the kitchen cabinets.
Well, she didn’t do a test on a small piece and started sanding. Those cabinets are not real wood and she scratched them beyond repair. The paint isn’t sticking and they are awful.
She ruined almost all the top kitchen cabinets. That is what I came home to.
I told her she needs to replace them all, that she ruined perfectly good cabinets and I am not paying for it. This isn’t a shared expense, and we have had conversation after conversation about her DIY. Also, if she just talked to me I would have told her it’s not real wood and had an odd panel covering on it
It’s going to cost her around 2000 to buy new cabinets and for people to install them.
This started an argument where she said new cabinets are a shared expense and I am a jerk for not helping her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should ask before starting anything that belongs to you both whether she is capable of pulling the project off or not.
My husband would blow a gasket if he came home and I’d repainted the cabinets, even if I’d done a perfect job. That said, it is possible to paint over laminate. You don’t need new cabinets, you just need to learn the proper procedure for the type of surface you’re working with.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad used to do this. We came home from vacation one time and the wall in the kitchen was completely busted out. He was trying to make an open-concept kitchen. He ended up making our house look like a mess for two years because he couldn’t fix it and didn’t want to pay for it.
Tell your wife you’re not paying for her negligence. If she wants to argue about it then y’all just won’t have kitchen cabinets. The sight of what she’s done should hopefully teach her a lesson, especially if she has to look at it every day.
My view on that might be childish but your wife is acting like a child in this case. This isn’t a cute art project she messed up. She’s an adult and should own up, and accept the consequences for her errors in judgment.
I’m sorry you have to live like this.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is a pretty messed up thing to do. Presumably, the cabinets were also a shared item before being destroyed. Why wasn’t it a shared decision on whether or not to repaint them?
The process of how they were being painted? HGTV has really done a lot of damage in my mind. They skip ALL of the hard work and jump right to the magical conclusion. They also are fantastic at convincing the unskilled/homebodies that what they have is not enough.
Social Media also plays a role in making people feel like they’re never enough.” TryingToBeLevel
13. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate's Partner Who Overstayed And Let My Dog Out?
“So my (23M) roommate’s partner is staying at our house for about 3 weeks. Myself and my other roommate were told that it would only be a week.
To start, the roommate in question, his partner, and I all have dogs.
Since I work 4/7 nights in the evening, I’ve left my dog out in the common area of the house. I didn’t see this as an issue since I used to do it all the time when I lived alone, and I figured the other 2 dogs would appreciate the company.
My roommate has also told me that it’s okay, and I’ve told him that he can always lure him into my room if he becomes an issue.
Our 3rd roommate doesn’t like dogs but tolerates ours. My roommate’s partner’s dog is a husky who barks late into the night, so our 3rd roommate has been staying at a friend’s house this whole time out of his need for space and quiet.
I’m not sure if he communicated the exact reason for his departure to the roommate with the dog and partner.
To my knowledge, she hasn’t contributed to rent despite being at our house for weeks, while the dude who pays rent is staying elsewhere.
This morning I had my dog in the backyard and I asked my roommate’s partner to not open the gate because he would get out. She opened it anyway and didn’t try to stop him from running out. I asked what was wrong with them, and started going after him.
We have a lot of stray cats in our neighborhood and my dog loves to chase them. He ran down the street and I was running and calling after him, and I watched him almost get hit by a pickup truck before he finally came to me.
I picked him up, walked back, and called her inconsiderate and a jerk, she replied by calling me irresponsible. I was going to ask her what she meant, but I didn’t want to create any problems for my roommate since she was leaving that day.
Drafting a message for my roommate right now saying that she has overstayed her welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…but the discussion you need to have is with your roommate. All roommates need to be in agreement. Partner cannot live there and when she does come over, her dog is not allowed. Other roommate who pays rent needs to stay at his own place.
You all need to grow a spine and discuss with your roommate the situation. If he wants to live with his partner, he needs to make other arrangements.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There were several problems. First, she stayed longer than you expected. Second, she brought her dog with her.
Third, she did not pay rent. Fourth, one of your roommates moved out because of the situation. Fifth, she let your dog out. You did absolutely nothing wrong, and I think you need to talk with your roommate about all of these issues, the most egregious of which is opening the gate and letting your dog out.
There is no excuse for this. It’s vicious and unacceptable.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her not to open the gate – and she does anyway – while calling you irresponsible? Is she stupid or just delusional? Can we now address why she’s been living there for 3 weeks?
What’s wrong with you and the other roommate- who vacated his home – to accommodate this chick? You’re drafting a note to your roommate to say she overstayed her welcome, but she’s leaving today anyway? Makes no sense. The letter should say she is not welcome back at all, ever.
He can go visit her. And if you get the second roommate to agree to it, even better. She wants to visit, she comes in and goes and stays in his room. No access to common areas.” Mentalcomposer
12. AITJ For Using The Community Kitchen After Hours Due To My Work Schedule?
“I live in employee housing, a less-than-ideal little hostel but it’s dirt cheap so you know.
I work nights in a kitchen on the resort and often won’t make it home until after 11. Now there is a sign saying you can’t use the kitchen after 10:30, and I acknowledge I was absolutely breaking that rule, but due to my hours, I really don’t have a choice.
The rule is in place because one specific person kept throwing tantrums because people were using the kitchen late at night and their room is next to it. Like actual, kicking and screaming tantrums. As a grown adult. This rule isn’t on the lease, it appeared halfway through the season in an effort to appease her.
Knowing this, I try to keep sound to a minimum. I just put a frozen pizza in the oven. Dead silent, 20 minutes in and out. Or at least it should have been. The girl who lives next to the kitchen took it upon herself to turn off the oven with my food still inside, I discovered after coming back to eat.
I’m annoyed, but I just turn the oven back on. Come back 20 mins later, she threw my dinner in the trash after a 10-hour shift.
I was livid. She clearly wasn’t sleeping, just being petty. I work hard and am doing my best to be respectful, I don’t even get home until after the kitchen closes (to employee housing, provided by my job, mind you).
Not only did she prevent me from eating, but she also wasted perfectly good food and threw it in the trash.
I know that I’m breaking the rules but I really feel like I’m in the right anyway. I’m seriously considering taking it to management but I want to know how the situation reads to people who aren’t me.”
Another User Comments:
“”I’m seriously considering taking it to management.” You should definitely do this and explain everything as far as you having no other time to make food. Because of this this person’s tantrums and throwing away your food, especially when you were making no noise, I’m gonna say NTJ.
But you are technically breaking the rules and need to get that sorted with the management. You should also explain that this woman stole your food and threw it away.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Why didn’t you sit there while your food cooked?
Especially after the first time she messed with your cooking? It was 20 minutes. Tell management. It’s employee housing. They can’t restrict the kitchen like that when one of the employees doesn’t get off shift until after the kitchen is closed.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ management says there are no rules about kitchen hours, so THERE ARE NO RULES ABOUT KITCHEN HOURS. You absolutely need to take it to management. If she wants to control a kitchen, then she can go buy her own house or apartment. I wouldn’t even bother being quiet.
Cook and stay there the whole time. The second she comes out, start recording.” No-Locksmith-8590
11. AITJ For Banning My Son's Friend From His Birthday Party Due To Her Homophobic Remarks?
“I (33F) went to a Valentine’s dance at my son’s elementary school, it was for the upper grades (3rd-6th), parents stayed in the school, but the kids were given some freedom to dance with a friend or a “significant other”.
One kid, Alaric (11M) was dancing with his significant other, Jack (11M).
My son Asher (11) is friends with Alaric. My son is also friends with a kid on his basketball team, Ognyan (11M).
Ognyan also has a sister, Monika (11F).
Ognyan and Monika were born in Bulgaria.
I know their parents from high school, their mom Mary (33F) and dad Jim (33M).
Mary and Jim were both very religious and planned on getting married young, but wanted to travel the world first, they did that and settled in Bulgaria, they got married and had their two oldest, they also have a 5-year-old son.
They moved back to the U.S. at the beginning of the school year.
They also never taught their kids English, only spoke in Bulgarian to them, because “it’s the official language”.
I’ve seen it, and it’s clear to other parents who I gossip to that Ognyan is learning English much faster than Monika.
They are both in the ESL program. You can have mostly coherent conversations with Ognyan, who told us he started to learn English on his own online before they left Bulgaria, and his parents didn’t even know he was doing this, they just assumed he picked it up on YouTube.
Ognyan is a very intelligent kid, and he knows about Bulgarian politics, he would sometimes bring them up and he personally always spoke very favorably about his LGBT classmates and didn’t seem to be that religious, so I assumed his parents maybe dropped the Evangelical views they had.
Ognyan did mention once or twice that his sister Monika had said some homophobic stuff about Alaric and Jack when at home, but I didn’t think much of it.
When Alaric and Jack started to dance together, Monika said something in Ognyan’s ear, and you could see he was getting upset, then he started to yell at her in English, which it wasn’t clear how much she understood, but things started to escalate and one of the teachers came in and made them step outside.
I thought everything was ok until Monika pointed to him again and showed Mary what was happening. Mary started to walk over there and asked the boys why they were dancing together, and then she mentioned something about homosexuality being an “abomination”, and that’s when a few parents and teachers walked over to her to try to calm her down.
When we got home, I checked Mary’s social media accounts and saw her Instagram was filled with anti-LGBT posts.
I told Asher I didn’t want him to hang out with Monika, but he could still hang out with Ognyan and that Monika wouldn’t be allowed at his birthday party in April.
My husband agreed, but when my parents found out, they said I was being silly and that I shouldn’t ban her because “that’s just how her culture is” (she’s not ethnically Bulgarian) when it comes to gay people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I wouldn’t say jerk, but perhaps a tad harsh.
I think “If you insult people’s friends, don’t expect to come to their parties” is a natural consequence of her behavior. However, you have to remember, that she is a child, and her attitude is 100% driven by her parents. Exposure to other kids with different views, cultures, and attitudes will likely help her grow out of that mindset.
Also, ethnicity is not the same as culture. You could be ethnically Japanese and culturally Irish if that is where you were born and grew up. The kids are Bulgarian.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“The “She’s not ethnically Bulgarian” is an odd statement to me.
She was raised in that culture and IS culturally Bulgarian. Most “Americans” are not “ethnically” Americans, but they are culturally American. Personally, if I have raised my kids right, I can expect them to see what’s going on and make appropriate conclusions. Maybe a discussion about what happened is in order.
Yes, her discrimination is an issue, but you are discriminating yourself. These are kids. Why do you feel the need to insert yourself into this? It seems that Monika’s own brother is stepping up here. I do think it’s an overreaction on your part, so soft YTJ here.” BengalBBQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rude people don’t get invited to birthday parties. “That’s just how my culture is.” If you are discriminating against her, that exact logic implies they are discriminating against you. Pretty simple. “Everyone is entitled to their opinion” goes both ways, unless it’s being used to politely say “we agree with the homophobe.” Free speech doesn’t mean one person gets to be rude and everybody has to politely listen.
Shut that nonsense down. The brother is from that culture, he’s fine and at a minimum, polite. You’re about to teach your son a lesson about what’s right: treating someone existing equally to someone bullying them, or just excluding the bully. I think you already know what’s right.” EmperorMrKitty
10. AITJ For Declining My Sister's Maid Of Honor Request?
“When my sister got married I was still in college. She had not really kept up a relationship with me while I was away. We would see each other once a year at Christmas.
Of the few times she called she would make a point to deny the existence of my mental disorders (anxiety/depression) and basically tell me to suck it up.
My disorders were affecting my ability to work/study. She took this as a personal choice to not succeed. Our relationship was strained at best.
In my junior year, she sent me a card in the mail to be her maid of honor at her wedding.
At this point, her best friend had made all the arrangements for the wedding shower, bachelorette party, flowers for the wedding, catering, etc. Usual MOH responsibilities.
So I told her that I think her best friend should be MOH. She did all the work. I was busy with college (and a state away).
Her best friend should get the title. I was not being sarcastic, I really thought the best friend deserved it.
My sister was irate. A lot of snarky remarks were made throughout the event for not cooperating. Our relationship is basically over, even now several years later.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait, she asked you to be her MOH, not while in a conversation with you, either in person or on the phone, but in print? Why isn’t her best friend getting the title? You say the friend did all or most of the work, so…?
NTJ. She doesn’t consider you close enough to call or visit and apparently hasn’t for a while. If you do accept, be careful she isn’t setting you up as the target of negative energy, or the dog to kick when frustrated. There’s a reason why her friend doesn’t want the job going forward.
Good luck.” EchoThis2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Asking you to be a MOH is a request that you can confirm or deny. It doesn’t mean you have to do the job. But that being said, there’s also no right or wrong way to be a MOH.
I was a MOH for my childhood best friend but because I live abroad, other bridesmaids stepped up to organize things like the shower, bachelorette, etc. It definitely reads like this was an olive branch from your sister and because there was bad blood already, you denying it was what broke the camel’s back.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… even if this was your sister extending an olive branch the way she did it was tasteless. You don’t ask someone to be your MOH in a card! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT! So even if she was extending the branch the way she did it was backhanded. She didn’t really want you to be her MOH and her issue is that you declined!
She didn’t think you would and that’s why she is having a problem. Any mature person would understand your reasoning and it’s not that you didn’t attend. 7 years ago and she still hasn’t moved on? She can’t get over herself and I think she has her own mental health issues.
Yes, she is your sister but that’s only by name. Clearly not someone you can depend on for support and NC with her is what is best for you. Some people believe you need to bend over backwards for family but set your boundaries and protect YOUR health.” Hairy-Frosting-3365
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Husband's Family While I'm High Risk Pregnant?
“I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and considered high risk, I have one son, and my pregnancy before this one ended in miscarriage. My husband is from Brazil, he has been in America for about 7 years now and we have been married for 5.
My husband is very close with his family that live overseas and we visit them once a year for 3 weeks every year.
The problem I am having is we just got back from Brazil about 3 weeks ago and I used all of my PTO (which I do every year) and a big chunk of money is gone from the trip.
My husband tells me his sister is coming in June to stay in Florida for 2 weeks. It’s right at my birthday so he presents it as a birthday trip but to be honest, I don’t have much interest in going to Florida in the middle of June at 25 weeks pregnant and high risk.
I am trying to save up my PTO for my maternity leave and I already am having to deal with frequent appointments. My husband said fine he will just take my 3-year-old but I don’t love this idea as he still depends on me a lot and I do mostly everything for him.
Also to add, his sister and her family just stayed at our house for over a week last September and his parents stayed with us for 2.5 weeks in October.
I always go with the flow because I know he needs to see his family as well as my son.
He is saying maybe he will offer to have his sister come here and stay (I know he will offer to her to pay for the plane tickets for her, her husband, and son) and I just don’t think that’s a smart choice with our next baby coming and all of the medical bills already coming in.
I don’t think it is fair that his sister gets to plan a whole vacation to America without a plan to visit her brother so now it falls on him to have to try to go see her. For 5 years now I have sacrificed all of my PTO and tons of money to go visit his family every year but I feel that it is never good enough and when it comes to his family I am always put second.
I hope this makes sense, my pregnancy hormones have been wild and I can admit that but I think on this one he is not being fair and not taking the time to listen to my feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“Emphatically NTJ. Your husband is 100% wrong.
Not only should you, your husband, and your son stay home, he shouldn’t be spending family money to fly his sister’s family anywhere. You’re in a high-risk pregnancy after a miscarriage. You’re holding it together admirably and your husband needs to get his priorities straight and start thinking about how he can arrange his life to be there for you.
That’s where his attention, focus, worry, and energy should be. We go through seasons in life, and now is not the time for him to be focused on how to maximize time with his Brazilian relatives.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this means you can’t have a vacation with just you and your family.
I was in a relationship with someone from South America and we went to visit his family in a big city for two weeks. I wanted one night alone to go out and he flipped out. You will always be second to this momma’s boy’s family.
He will say you’re being selfish, even if you’re pregnant, and Florida in June isn’t anyone’s idea of fun.” vt2022cam
8. AITJ For Resenting My Sister's Lack Of Responsibility And My Mother's Favoritism?
“I (26f) still live at home with my mom, sister, and her two children. My sister is 28 going on 29 soon. I believe she has sufficient funds to move out but doesn’t want to because she has to be responsible.
She doesn’t want to pay bills or take care of her own kids and expects everything to be given to her. She never watches her kids when she is home and throws it on me and my mother. My mother usually throws it on me and my mom uses her being unwell as an excuse.
My mom has been ready for us to move out but is more focused on me moving out. My sister gets to do what she wants when she wants because she has kids. My mom doesn’t want to kick my sister out because she has kids and is afraid something will happen to the kids.
It was once when my mom tried to kick my sister out and my sister threatened to take the kids with her. My mom wanted her to leave the kids but my sister didn’t want to. That made my mom afraid.
Many nights, my sister goes out, we have no idea who she is with or where she is and we have no idea when she’ll be back.
My mom doesn’t have her number and my sister doesn’t want anyone to have her number. My mom complains about all of this to me but never does anything about it. My sister comes home the next morning and nothing is said to her. It’s unfair because my sister does this on school days and doesn’t come home until later.
So I have to get her kids ready for school and drop them off while my sister is who knows where and won’t come home till after the kids have been dropped off. I then also have to go to work later after dropping them off.
I used to have a partner and I would go out at night and my mom told me that I am not allowed to go out at night anymore or I’m going to get kicked out. She says she doesn’t feel comfortable with me going out at night because she doesn’t know where I’m at or what I’m doing.
Before we broke up, she told me if I left again I’ll just have to move in with my partner permanently.
My mom is unwell herself and has had four surgeries in one year. She’s not capable of doing much and also expects me to take care of her.
She knows my sister isn’t going to help and my sister will use the kids excuse. Because of my sister’s shenanigans, my mom has to be the one to take care of my sister’s kids most of the time. But like I said she’s not capable of doing much so she throws the kids onto me.
So I have to take care of my sister’s kids and my mom at the same time. I don’t agree with it but my mom makes me feel guilty for not wanting to help my sister’s kids. Things won’t change unless something happens to my mom or I move out.
I’m moving out soon but it’s a process I just hate that my sister waited till I moved out to decide she wants to be responsible.”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. You need to stop focusing on your sister and comparing. It is time for you to move out regardless of her situation.
You’re more put-together (I hope) and have simply outgrown your childhood home. You need to start looking for your first apartment and while you do that your family needs to start to adjust. 1) you and your mum refuse to do any help at all till you have her phone number in case of emergencies 2) no getting those kids ready.
Not ready and at school? Let her freak out and need to drop them off late. 3) go out at night with your partner if you want till you move out. You are an adult and don’t need a curfew. 4) don’t bother with that mess at home.
You focus on yourself. Your mother is a grown lady and can deal with your sister.” full_babygirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your logic is flawed – your sister uses you as a free housekeeper because you let it and then you are surprised that when she can’t use you anymore due to you moving out she actually started doing something around the house?
It would be silly to expect a lazy person to do anything when you are doing everything and sucking it all up so you enabled your sister’s bad behavior and your mom too, nobody could do anything if you would just stop doing most things and let it all go wrong, but you choose to be the housekeeper and everyone else just used you as a convenience.” forgeris
7. AITJ For Making My Teenage Son Prepare His Own Lunches?
“I (44m) am a widowed parent and have been making school lunches for my son (14m).
Generally, he eats his lunch most days but there’s been days where he has a half-eaten sandwich or doesn’t eat it at all. Sure all the snacks or fruit is gone, but the sandwich remains. I’ve asked him why and he says he wasn’t hungry to eat the sandwich, yet 4 pm rolls around and when I pick him up he’s already looking for supper.
Last week he’s telling me some story about school and boys fooling around and he and his friends were kicking his sandwich around in the hall. Now food is expensive enough that it shouldn’t be wasted. I told him going forward that he’s going to start making his own lunches.
Next morning I tell him multiple times to make a lunch, have breakfast and he is sitting on his phone for easily 15-20 min. He ends up going to school with nothing; no breakfast, no lunch. I assume he tells his grandmother who lives with us that he had no lunch and since then she’s been making his lunch.
I confronted her this morning that I’m trying to get him to make better decisions and to make his own lunch. If my son has 5-6 hours to play video games all night he has 10 min to make a lunch. Grandmother then says that he’s a 14-year-old boy who can’t go all day without eating anything.
To which I say that ya I know he’s 14 and would be capable of making his own decisions and his own lunch and she should stop enabling him by making the lunch for him. Then she lies to me that she’s not making his lunch.
I can tell because inside his lunch is a note that his sandwiches are in the fridge. The note is her distinctive printing. Then tried telling me that they are getting on him to make a lunch himself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are trying to teach him responsibility.
I have noticed my grandkids expect their parents to do everything for them while they play on their phones. He needs to start learning to make appropriate use of his time as well. If he doesn’t put down the phone to make his lunch, he goes without.
He won’t starve to death and you’re not withholding food from him as punishment. It’s his job now, just as it is your job to run and support the household. How about taking him to the grocery with you so he can see what things actually cost?
Give him a food budget and let him pick out what he wants to buy for his lunches (minus the junk they’re always wanting). I don’t think 14 is too young to start learning about these things. He’ll be grown and (hopefully) on his own before you know it.” cordelia1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom had me and my brothers in charge of making our own lunches when we were in elementary school. We had rules about what needed to be included and by the time we turned 11, she never needed to check to make sure we were following the rules and had a decent lunch.
14 is plenty old enough to make his own food. Especially since that’s a skill he’ll probably enjoy having when he starts working full time and has to think about what to bring for lunches at work.” BrightFirelyt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A teenager can throw together a sandwich.
That’s not child labor. A drink, fruit cups, some bread with cheese or meat or whatever, possibly a prepackaged dessert. Takes 5 minutes, tops. My son was 5 when he started making his lunches, & he was so proud of himself. We’d grocery shop, & he’d pick out what he wanted (within reason lol).
He loved being in charge, as it were. For a long time, he ate tinned octopus sandwiches, because what 5-year-old wouldn’t love that?!?” CampfiresInConifers
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Autistic Brother Live With Me Unless He Gets A Job?
“For relevant facts, my brother (35M) is autistic and I (32F) have CPTSD.
In 2019, I moved across the state, he didn’t tell me until days prior that he had decided to move too. He had a stable job for the past 6 years that he quit. I allowed him to stay until the lease was up on my apartment (3 months).
He relied on his savings to find an apartment after living in his car for a week – he did not tell me this until after.
In 2020, his bank account became overdrawn and his account was shut off. Again, he does not tell me until it’s too late.
From 2021-2023, our mom is paying his bills. I’ve tried to help him get on assistance programs – he refuses all of them but food stamps. He finds a job, but it only lasts a few months before he quits because it’s overstimulating. He applied for disability and is denied.
In 2023, I go full no contact with our mom. He wants to go NC as well, but can’t due to her paying his bills. I’ve helped him get food delivery apps for some income. He did 1 delivery, spilled a soda, and in his words – it was too traumatizing to continue.
In 2024, he decides to go no contact with our mom and is no longer using her account to pay his rent. He tells me only when eviction has already gone to court so it’s too late according to him.
Here’s where I may be the jerk, I have a spare room.
I told him he could live here if he gets a job, is able to keep it, and helps with chores. I don’t think I’m asking for much despite his autism as he’s kept a job before. He claims he’s sent in job applications so he should have one soon.
In my defense, I am struggling with CPTSD. I have beaten addiction and living alone is amazing for my mental state. I have two jobs and I’m applying for a doctorate program. Between how busy I am and my mental health, I don’t have the capacity to look after him.
He would be home 24/7 and wouldn’t clean up, giving me 0 breaks.
It feels like he has been trying to do everything that I do without wanting to put in the work.He seems to be unwilling to do the bare minimum to help himself while I’ve helped however I can.
However, I feel like I may be the jerk as I have the empty room – he is autistic, my only family, and protected me in the past. I’d feel like the worst sister if he is homeless because I didn’t open my home, but I don’t know how else to get through to him?
He doesn’t understand consequences and just expects everyone to save him.
Also, I have mentioned that between his credit and the eviction, he wouldn’t be able to find another place and would be living with me for the foreseeable future. I’ve told him to contact his rental agency, see how much it would cost to reverse this, and to contact our mom again to see if she’s willing to help him.
I am not able to help financially.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. It is a terrible position to be in, but it is not one you are responsible for. You’ve clearly supported your brother over the years, but this is becoming cyclic, and at some point, you’ll need to stop the innocent enabling.
He is refusing support you’ve offered in the past, rejecting support from your mum, and it doesn’t sound like he is assessing support to learn to live with autism. He is not your responsibility, and him having autism doesn’t mean that he can expect you to fix his problems, especially seeing as he never lets you know about problems that are occurring until it is too late.” NoteRCT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not just a spare room that he wants. He wants you to support him so that he doesn’t have to take any “traumatizing” work. He is making himself an invalid and has you picked out as his permanent carer.
Do not take this on just because you are a woman! You have your own life, you have plans. He would spoil all that and make it impossible for you. He has a long history of messing up all possible help to self-help. He is no longer interested in making any efforts himself.
Let him depend on himself and see if that makes him change his mind. If it doesn’t that is not your fault.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he held a job for 6 years, he is not incompetent. You mentioned that living by yourself has been amazing for your mental state, and I think that says a lot about what you should do.
Your brother seems to deliberately get himself into a crisis first, so you have to rescue him. This is within his control and not fair to you. It sounds manipulative (whether he is conscious of it or not). You are not his mother. Your brother is an adult who has the ability to access resources and establish some stability in his life if he wants it.
You might need some help from a therapist to establish boundaries with your brother so you can focus on your own needs and responsibilities. That’s not selfish it’s survival.” napsrule321
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of My Friend's Airline Ticket?
“My friend (26F) and I (26F) are planning a trip from Vancouver to Toronto to attend Taylor Swift’s tour in November. We’re both big fans and this has been something we’ve been very excited for and have been looking forward to. We were talking yesterday about looking into airplane tickets and hotels, and I mentioned how my parents offered to cover the cost of my airplane ticket with their Air Miles points (without my asking or hinting at all).
Looking back I realized I shouldn’t have mentioned this since I knew she would be paying for her airline ticket herself, but it just kinda came out since it was something I was excited and grateful about and felt like sharing. She’s been working full-time since 18 and obviously, I don’t know how much money she has saved up, but I know she’s responsible about her money and has a good amount saved up.
I’m currently in school full-time and don’t have a job. I have money saved up so I can finish my degree and not have to work, but once this semester ends I plan to get a job to start saving since I will have gone through all my savings by the end of the semester.
This is why I was especially grateful my parents offered to use their points to cover my ticket since I literally don’t have the money to buy a ticket otherwise. My friend knows this as well, but when I told her about this she asked if we could then split the cost of her plane ticket.
I reminded her I literally have no money and she said I could give her the money at a later date then. Her reasoning behind this is that we’re doing this trip together she sees this as fair. But I think this would kinda defeat the purpose of my parents offering to help me out if I still have to pay for part of her plane ticket?
I do see how this is unfair since she still has to pay for her plane ticket and mine would be covered with points, but she would have been expecting to pay for her ticket this whole time anyway. And I don’t see how it would make a difference to her whether I am using my own money or points to pay for my ticket.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The entire purpose of your parents helping to cover the cost of your ticket was to help you out financially. I really can’t understand what kind of a world your friend thinks she’s living in – to make such a demand.
As you said, she was expecting to pay the full fare for her plane ticket as it was. All of a sudden, why is it that she can’t cover her own plane ticket? What will happen if you don’t pay for half her ticket, will she throw a fit and decide not to go to the concert at all?
She can ask your parents directly to cover half her plane ticket, since she has the audacity to imply that your parents have to financially support her too. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about this. Push back hard on this one OP, the entitlement is absolutely appalling.” SweetWonderful_U
Another User Comments:
“NTJ -100%. At first I misread your ages, and thought you were both 20. That was atrocious enough. But I then read your ages correctly, and I nearly spat my tea out (literally). She’s even more ridiculous, to suggest this at 26. I’m actually cringing with embarrassment for her, that she’s really that entitled (to think YOU and YOUR PARENTS, are obliged to subsidize HER travel).
Don’t think for a moment, that it’s potentially ‘unfair’ for her. You’re not siblings, and you’re not 8. Your parents gifted YOU those air miles, that THEY had earned. You don’t have to ‘share’ your gifts with her.
Does she also believe you should help bankroll the travel of other friends; or even complete strangers?!
Or does she also expect you to share half your food; half your clothes; half your house (if you own one either now or in the future); your actual birthday presents, etc. – because it’s ‘not fair’ if she doesn’t also have them?! That’s NOT how finances work as adults.
The entitlement really is mind-blowing. Unfortunately, you sound (from this post) a little bit easy to manipulate/pressure. And I think she’s realized that and is acting like a jerk. Personally, I wouldn’t want to go on the trip with her, but that’s your choice.
If you go, you NEED to learn to stand up to her (you don’t even owe her an ‘explanation’, WHY you won’t be sharing the air miles with her) or she’ll be exploiting you in whatever way she can.” NoSurprise82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m surprised you had to even give it a second thought.
Just stand back a bit and analyze. She wants you to pay for 1 1/2 tickets and her to pay for 1/2 ticket. That’s just plain selfish and entitled. The fact that your ticket is a gift rather than out of your own cash is immaterial. Cash, or cash equivalent, has been spent.
Don’t fall for her unjust enrichment argument. Re-think the friendship. If your parents had gifted you the concert ticket, would she also feel entitled to have you subsidize her concert ticket?” extinct_diplodocus
4. AITJ For Telling My Roommate I'm Done Helping Her With Her Drinking Problem?
“I (23F) live with 3 other girls, we’re grad students. Mia, 23 has bad mental health issues and drinking problems. She’s very on and off with treatment and frankly makes many choices that further perpetuate her issues.
Mia has breakdowns multiple nights a week, like 3 minimum. They’re worse when she drinks, is most weekends because she likes to go out to parties/clubs. Comes home around 1-3 am on weekends, has a loud breakdown, and comes knocking on mine or another roommate’s doors to help her through it.
She also has breakdowns during the week at random times and comes to us to help her get through them.
The other roomies & I tried to help her in the beginning because we thought she was going through a rough patch- then we realized this was constant.
She quit therapy because she didn’t like her therapist, so we helped her research new ones. We sat with her while she cried and vented. We’ve gone to pick her up from dangerous situations at bars and guys’ houses at all hours of the morning.
We’ve sat with her when she was passed out to make sure she wouldn’t choke on her own puke. Etc.
We’re all at our wit’s end. Everyone feels bad for her and wants her to be safe, but she continually puts herself in risky situations, wakes us to rescue her, and expects us to drop everything, at any time to comfort her through breakdowns.
Most of us are in a challenging academic program and the constant interruptions in both daily life and in our sleep on the weekends are taking its toll. I work after class so I love waking up early to hit the gym before, but the constant interruptions from Mia are impacting my sleep schedule so badly that I haven’t been able to consistently do so, and not to mention the interruptions in the middle of the day when I’m studying, making lunch, etc. This dynamic is impacting my physical health, mental health (I get stressed just approaching our house), and academic performance.
The other roommates are experiencing the same.
We have had endless sit-down talks with Mia about this, and it always ends in her tearful apologies and promises to go back to therapy, get back on meds, drink less, come home from the bars earlier, etc. But then something triggering just always happens and she can’t follow through.
I snapped the other night. We were in the bathroom. Mia was getting ready to go clubbing at the same time I was getting ready for bed, and drank an entire bottle of wine in the time it took me to take a quick body shower and brush my teeth.
She started venting to me about how she was so scared last weekend because she went home with a stranger who made her feel unsafe and none of us were answering the phone and how horrible it felt. So I snapped and told her she makes terrible choices every weekend and we were all 100% done helping her, to never come to me during a breakdown again, and that I think she’s a heavy drinker and needs to quit drinking.
Obviously, this triggered a breakdown. She’s been crying all week and I feel really bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I used to be similar to her. I had a few similar interventions. I was embarrassed and angry but they were right, but it still took years for me to get a handle on it.
Ultimately I couldn’t change until I was ready to. And I lost many friends for it. I could never fault them for giving up, their own mental health is just as important and I’m glad they were able to get away from me. I’m even more glad to the friends who gave me tough love and patience while I handled my crap.
It’s good to be honest with her about the behavior you are observing and it is good to set personal boundaries. You will not be a jerk if you choose to stay and help her heal over the next few years, and you won’t be a jerk if you ditch her as a friend because you can’t take it anymore.” starbiebarbie99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate is a heavy drinker, and a big part of this illness is literally burning relationships to the ground. If you want to help her, print out a list of local AA meetings and offer to take her. Do not further enable her by taking her to or from bars, cleaning her messes, lending her money, etc. You are not responsible for either her illness or her sobriety.
You’re in school, and your academic performance has been seriously impacted. You gotta draw the line somewhere, and I think your housemates need to be on the same page. Good luck to you all. I hope your friend gets the help she needs.” rasalscan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfair the pressure she is putting on you. One reason therapists can do what they do is not only because they are trained to deal with their patients’ issues, but they are trained to deal with the pressures that the job puts on them.
You have none of these skills, and Mia is putting all of you in a bad position by expecting you to not only help her, but to bear the weight of helping her. And it sounds like you all are starting to snap under the pressure.
Also, the crying after you snapped at her is an attention-seeking stunt, designed to make you feel guilty so she gets what she wants. So, no, you aren’t the jerk for setting a reasonable boundary in your life to protect your mental health.” bamf1701
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Addict Partner Use My Car Anymore?
“Okay for starters, he has been using my car for almost 2 years now due to his car getting repossessed. He got it repossessed because he lost his job and never bothered to find a new job until a year and a half later but I recently found out he was making good money during this time doing illegal things but he still neglected his car payment.
Over the course of him not having a job, he developed an addiction that he still has to this day. What does that have to do with my car you might ask? He not only uses my car for work, but he uses my car to go pick up his illegal substance behind my back, and drives my car an extra 60 miles to go meet up with his friends after work which I had no idea he was doing.
He drives my car more than I do since I work from home. He has not paid me a dime.
He recently got a speeding ticket under my name, cracked my windshield, and now since I finally tried telling him some boundaries he flipped out on me and since I work from home he took all the cords to my computer and said if I don’t let him use my car then I’m not gonna be able to work either.
I’d also like to add we have a 2-year-old daughter together and we live in a rural area and when he goes to work every day, my daughter and I are left without transportation. I currently owe 30K on this car and I pay $600 monthly payments and almost $200 for insurance which he has never contributed to or offered the last 2 years.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the car, but a massive jerk for not leaving this addict criminal who doesn’t give two bits about his responsibilities and is perfectly willing to sabotage you and therefore harm your kid as well. What are you waiting for? Take your kid and get out before it gets MUCH worse.” CheshireCatsGrin87
Another User Comments:
“Call the cops on him. Tell them he has an addiction and has also taken your car and has taken the cords to your computer so that you don’t work when you asked for your car back. He will be gone for a while and tell the judge you have a kid with him all his money should be given to you.
Move out, to a new place, buy a new car, sell the old one, and change your name maybe.” AffectionateCold6107
Another User Comments:
“Honey… the car is the least of your problems. You’re in a relationship and living with an addict. That has a history of getting stuff repossessed. And it doesn’t sound like he’s helping with ANY household bills.
Why is he still there? Because he’s your child’s father? The addict? Go get some new cords and new locks. YTJ to yourself! You KNOW that he’s doing illegal stuff with your car, is an active addict around your child and your main concern is not your safety or the safety of your child but him using your car?
But NTJ for not wanting him to use your car.” Aggressive_Cup8452
2. AITJ For Being Upset When My Husband Questioned When I Chose To Wash My Hair?
“I (32F) have been married to my husband (34M) for 10 years and we have a 4yo, 2.5yo and 1.5yo
We have my nephew’s first birthday this afternoon and I wanted to wash my hair fresh beforehand. I took the kids out this morning to give my husband a break (he ended up tidying the yard and putting a load of washing on but I never asked or expected this.
I specifically said multiple times to take the time to play on his phone or whatever).
This afternoon I told him I was going to shower and wash my hair before wrapping the presents. He asked why I didn’t wash it last night. I said firstly I like to leave it as long as possible between washes so I wash my hair 2-3 times per week, and secondly, I showered with all three kids last night which means I held the little one in my arms for most of it so not really compatible to hair washing.
He seemed annoyed at the prospect of having to watch the kids for the first time that day which would have been a maximum 30 mins all up including getting myself dressed and ready for the party.
I was upset by his reaction and just generally his questioning of when and how frequently I wash my hair.
I told him how I felt and compared it to if I were to question how frequently he uses the bathroom. Which for the record is 3 times a day. He still failed to understand why I was upset and thinks I should have washed it last night.
I think I should be allowed to wash my hair this afternoon given it makes absolutely no difference except he has to watch the kids and he just doesn’t want to.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“Thoughts? Sure. NTJ but you seem to be married to someone who thinks that all childcare is your responsibility and the little people he created with you are an inconvenience to him.
He’s not upset that you washed your hair as such. He’s upset because he had to do some parenting when he didn’t want to. So I guess you have more children than you thought you did, although he might be the most selfish one.” PersimmonBasket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Goodness gracious. My own father cared for all of his kids, all 5 of us. He also worked two full-time jobs, made the best PB/honey/banana sandwiches, and even braided our hair so well that we preferred Dad’s tight plaits over Mum’s.
This is what normal men do when they have kids. Your husband needs to grow up or start shelling out for a part-time nanny if he’s not up to the challenge. You deserve time to yourself, even if it’s a 20 min shower!” SmokeOneRoll1
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I’ve been questioned about when I’m choosing to shower by my husband. I looked at him deadpan and said I’ll shower whenever I choose to. I don’t police your shower so don’t expect to police mine, and walked off to take my shower. We only have 1.
I wanted 2 but at this point, after so many years I don’t want another. I’m not as young as I was and pregnancy wasn’t easy the first time. It would only be harder this time. Your husband doesn’t get to tell you when you can do your personal hygiene.
I think you need to start planning an outing by yourself once a week and no kids go with you. Give him a trial by fire lol. There is no reason he can’t give that to you and parent for a few hours.” Doubtful_Desires
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Pregnant Partner And Her Child To Accompany Me On A Business Trip?
“I have to go for three days to CA (from Ohio). My partner (who is 7 weeks pregnant) is upset that I told her it’s not appropriate for her and her 4-year-old child to come along. Aside from the monetary reasons and the fact that I couldn’t spend time with her and her kid because I’ll be working, she doesn’t have a driver’s license.
So she would be stuck at the hotel or whatever is within walking distance. I don’t know what time each day I will be done and so it’s just easier to go do my work and not have to worry about them and what they are doing.
I drive her child every morning to daycare and she rides along when I go to pick him up after work. I’m her sole transportation and we have no family/friends here to lean on for help. She refuses to see if we can pay someone to pick her kid up on the days that I will be gone saying something to the effect of “I’m not going to ask anyone to go out of their way for me and inconvenience them” – I mean that’s why I suggested we pay someone to make up for the inconvenience.
My company wanted me to go to CA on Tues, Weds, and Thurs, I found out my partner thinks she has the Monday of that week off, and knowing how challenging it is to work with the kid at home I talked my company into letting me switch it from Tues through Thurs to Mon through Wed.
On top of all that, my partner and her kid have never flown and she has anxiety. I don’t think it’s a good idea that her first trip on a plane would be 8+hrs especially if her anxiety comes into play.
She keeps saying I’m being insensitive and selfish for not telling my work no and leaving her behind.
So is it appropriate for her to come along or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The one being insensitive and selfish here is your partner. It is NOT appropriate to bring your partner and her 4-year-old on a BUSINESS trip. You would be working, and she sounds like she would be needy and demanding of your time.
And why on earth would you tell your company No?? I’m assuming you need your job. But do you NEED someone who is so insecure, anxious, and dependent?” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re traveling for work, and that is your obligation. She’s going to need to figure out what to do, and that’s fine.
If she and the child were to go along as well, I have a feeling that she would want you to be responsible for her and her child as well, and that probably wouldn’t jive with what you need to do for work. I’m assuming this is in the US, but if your town/city has a bus service, she might want to take this opportunity to familiarize herself with it, even if it isn’t the best or most convenient.
If she doesn’t want to ask for a ride or pay for a ride, that’s going to be her best bet.” EvangelineTheodora
Another User Comments:
“She needs to start driving or you both need to move to a walkable city. What happens if there is an emergency while you’re at work?
You have a baby on the way with this woman and she is incapable of going anywhere on her own. Why would you start a family with someone that dependent? As for the business trip, I’ve traveled with my husband for business and I would either chill poolside and work from there or if it was a walkable city explore.
I only expected to see him before he left in the morning and at night to fall asleep. Unless it was a trip where the meetings ended later on a Friday, I was told to not expect for us to do anything together. Eventually, I met his boss and after a few local client meetings, I was invited to join since I “worked” as his assistant while he was in between them.
NTJ.” Whorible_wife69
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