People Give Us A Lot To Think About In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Distant Brother's Child-Free Wedding?
“I moved from MA to FL 22 years ago, family still lives there. Now, my baby brother has been to Florida 7 times since my 6 yo was born, twice since my 3 yo. Not once has he come to visit us and he’s never met them. In fact, the last time he came to visit me was like 15 years ago when he moved down here and stayed with me rent-free before giving up and crawling back to Mommy.
Anyways, now he’s getting married in October, a trash time of year on Cape Cod, and he’s not allowing kids at the wedding or reception. AITJ for not wanting to spend about 5 grand just to drag my family to a place where everything closes at 6:30 pm, it’s about 30 degrees colder than where we live, there’s absolutely nothing to do, and just to have them sit in a hotel room while I sit in a room full of people I have to pretend to like for several hours???
Oh plus a wedding gift… you guys, I really don’t want to go lmao.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to go or wanting to spend that money. It needs no other excuse than that a wedding is an invite not mandatory but more so as he hasn’t tried and have any relationship with you in over a decade even when he’s visiting near yours.
So why put yourself out of pocket when you really don’t want to go? YTJ for making it about where he is having the wedding. It’s his wedding and it’s near him and your family. Not coming to a family wedding because you don’t like the area or want it hotter is a jerk thing to do.
Just say no and stop tearing down his wedding, it’s not yours he doesn’t have to cater to your wishes on the major aspects of it. It’s a jerk excuse to stay away you only got the NTJ first as no one can make you do what you don’t want to.
From your entitled whining, I can perhaps see why he doesn’t visit. You show yourself to be all sunshine and light.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! You are not a martyr, quit projecting as though you are. Sure your brother didn’t make any effort to build a relationship with you but did you make any effort?
Your statements about crying back to mommy are not befitting of an adult. If your “wit,” “humor” and “sarcasm” are any indication of your attitude then it’s best that the two of you keep your distance. His wedding venue, date, and the timing for it are choices that are his to make, you don’t get a say in it.
If you have such a resentful attitude towards your brother then please don’t go. You will be doing him and yourself a favor.” BoredofB
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your brother didn’t come to visit when he was close. He used you as a crash pad.
That sucks. He’s a jerk. You could go to the wedding for a short trip (by yourself, leave the family at home, why are you dragging them into it in the first place?) and celebrate a big day for your brother. It might be his only wedding.
Plus you get to see parents and family. Also, the condescension and attitude have dripped all over your keyboard. Go get a towel to wipe it off. You’re a jerk.” solidly_garbage
21. AITJ For Interrupting A Woman's Video Call In A Café Because She Wasn't Using Earphones?
“Had lunch in a decent small cafe with friends, when at a neighboring table a young lady opened a video call.
She didn’t use earphones, so the other participants and she were clearly hearable to everyone.
After a few minutes I walked over and waved to her friends from behind her, said I wanted to see the faces of the voices everyone in the cafe was hearing and suggested she uses earphones.
She said to her friends, “That’s Germany.”
I said it was unfair to say that and walked away. She stopped the call a few minutes later, blaming me for ruining her birthday when she left the cafe later. Saying this was a public space and I should eat at home if I didn’t want to be disturbed.
I come from a generation when people stood up and went outside if they received a phone call at a table, but feel that I may be simply too old or old fashioned… or maybe just the jerk… tell me!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking a call on speaker in a cafe is ridiculously rude, as is playing music or watching videos that are audible to everyone around you.
Using headphones is not some horrible burden. There are exceptions – if a whole group at a table is having a video chat with some remote party, then that’s OK, as long as the volume is similar to the volume of a person physically present at that table.
And if you want to show your mates some short amusing video clip, and there’s half a dozen of you huddled around your phone, you don’t need to pass earbuds between you, as long as the volume is comparable to your normal table conversation.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At my work, you are not allowed to use speakerphone, even in a private office, only in a closed-door conference room. Last week, I was skiing and on one chairlift ride (6 person chair, 5 of us together, one single skier) the single took a work call and had it on speaker.
The five of us started participating in his work call. The guy quickly went off speakerphone. I don’t know if the guy learned his lesson or not, but it sure was fun for us.” Dependent-Panic8473
Another User Comments:
“Idk, unless her phone was egregiously loud I don’t see the problem?
If this sort of thing happened on the bus or the library it would absolutely be obnoxious but I’m sure every other patron at the restaurant is having a conversation at their table. If anyone really wanted to they could listen in on you and your friends.
Would this be a problem if the woman had a normal conversation over the phone rather than a video call? So yeah, if she was egregiously loud she absolutely sucks but I otherwise don’t see the problem.” PushViper
20. AITJ For Suggesting My Unemployed Daughter Take A Lower-Paying Job To Afford Therapy?
“Our 28-year-old daughter was laid off from her job 10 months ago, so we let her move back in with us.
She doesn’t pay rent, but she helps out around the house and is generally good company.
She applies for jobs but is very selective and hasn’t found anything yet. However, recently it’s clear she’s running out of savings. She’s started having meltdowns where she yells at us, and it’s getting unpleasant.
She pays $200/hr for therapy, and yesterday told me, while crying, that she couldn’t afford to continue because of the cost.
I suggested (in what I thought was a mild tone) that maybe she could take a part-time temporary job at $30/hr (like tutoring or nannying, both of which she has done before) to pay for the therapy while she waits to get hired at the higher-paying type of job she wants.
She shouted at me, “That wouldn’t help because the psychological damage from the job would counteract the positive effect of the therapy.”
I’m afraid I scoffed at the term “psychological damage.”
She replied loudly, “Psychological damage from work is a well-known effect.” She became furious at me, and I had to leave the room.
Is she right about psychological damage? Should we pay for her therapy so she doesn’t have to work until she finds the kind of job that she likes?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s being entitled. Many people work jobs they don’t like because they need $ to live.
Many people would love to be job-selective but when you need to pay the bills you take what is available until you can find what you love. She’s an adult and lucky to have a home she could go back to when she lost her job.
OP please don’t be trapped into paying her bills including therapy. She needs a lesson on “adulting”. Welcome to the real world.” Shoddy-Teach3981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her you are very concerned for what she has shared with you, and if there is some kind of psychological damage she has suffered from her last job or whatever, and the therapist feels she should in fact not be working, then we’re talking about a disability.
Unless this is a medical disability, your daughter must work. Being off work for too long can ALSO be even MORE psychologically damaging. Depending on your relationship with her, I would be asking her to talk to you about this. I mean, you are a parent, and to be honest, you are footing all her bills, she needs to talk like a grown-up to you about what is happening with her.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“If you get hurt tomorrow and ask your daughter to drive you to the doctor – reasonable request. If you ask your unemployed daughter to drive you to physical therapy five mornings a week – that’s a lot, but she’s living with you rent free, and not doing anything else, so… If you ask your unemployed, living with you daughter to take you to your doctor appts., PT appointments; to the grocery store; and to provide personal Uber service to and from the local pub every night…?
Then you would be the jerk. This – taking advantage – is what she is doing to you. You are NTJ, but she is.” Entire-Ad2058
19. AITJ For Refusing To Cat-Sit For My Grieving Mother Due To My Allergy?
“I (M29) have a situation where my mom (F61) is going out of state for the funeral of her childhood best friend who unfortunately has passed away due to cancer.
She’ll be gone for 3 days and has asked me to watch her 2 cats while she’s away. I initially said no because of my allergy and suggested a boarding facility, but she rejected the idea saying that the cats have never been to one before and will be anxious.
However, she’s never mentioned the cats suffering from anxiety before so I personally don’t see that being an issue. I’m guessing they’re not exactly cheap so maybe her reluctance is money related.
I then asked if nobody else was able to help, to which she just said no and didn’t want any further questions.
I’m an only child and my parents are divorced by the way, and I know my mom doesn’t have the biggest network, but it seems odd that absolutely no one would be willing to help out, not even a neighbor or a co-worker. I’m like 99% certain she hasn’t asked anyone but me.
Our conversation turned into an argument because I said I felt like she was inconsiderate and dismissive of my allergy. Then she said that “any good son would be selfless in this situation”. I’m not gonna lie, I hung up after that. Saying something like that is very unlike her and I guess I felt hurt and defeated. It’s not like I chose to have this allergy.
But later on, I started to wonder if I really am being selfish. Sure, I would survive a few days of allergy symptoms, it would just be uncomfortable and probably interfere with my daily activities. But maybe it’s a reasonable sacrifice to make because of the sad circumstances.
I honestly don’t know. You tell me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for declining to take care of the cats. An allergy is a valid reason, in my opinion. You mention your mom acted out of character. Do you have the kind of relationship where you can (or even want to) ask her if she’s okay?
Her reaction is probably grief – she’s 61 and the death of her childhood friend means she staring her own mortality right in the face – but maybe there’s something more going on with her. Re: the cats, if you can, help her source a pet sitter to check the cats once a day and offer a few bucks to help offset the cost if you can.
Good luck to both you and your mom.” kodak723
Another User Comments:
“Is it the kind of allergy where minor contact gives you severe and unmanageable symptoms as far as allergy meds go, or is it something that can be managed to a good extent by taking allergy medication and with good hygiene?
My stepmom has a cat allergy but will visit my home where I have a cat, and her eyes will become itchy if she doesn’t wash her hands before touching her eyes or face after she’s visited. If you’re severely allergic—which I would hope she would know because it’s like asking someone to hold your peanuts when they have a nut allergy—NTJ.
If you can manage the symptoms, YTJ. She is grieving, and regardless of any personal issues between the two of you, it’s a loving gesture that she will always remember. Ask her to clean the floors and sofa before she goes away. Take allergy medicine, wash your hands, wash your clothing, heck wear a mask, and be a general adult managing a pet allergy in the wild.
If her cats don’t have complicated health needs or anxiety, you could get by with doing 2-3 drop-in visits per day at meal times instead of sleeping there, which will help you get relief.” myfrensmeow
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised how many people think you are NTJ.
To me, you seem like a total jerk. Your mom just lost an important friend and is grieving. You couldn’t take some over-the-counter allergy medicine and wear a surgical mask once a day to do about 10 minutes worth of pet care? If your allergies are significant, you can wear gloves and bring a change of clothes so that you can launder whatever you wear in the house.
This is an exceptional situation and you would have to be a real jerk to not have some compassion and generosity in this situation.” oldyorker123
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Bring Her Newborn To My Graduation?
“My parents are divorced, my mom gave birth like 2 months ago. I’m having a “graduation” event where we say goodbye to the school(?).
So we just got the details of the event and it just popped into my mind. Babies cry, poop themselves, and are generally annoying at social events. My mom has a partner, but she wants to bring him too so it’s not really an option for him to stay at home.
And it would be super annoying and embarrassing if she just started crying, yelling, and shouting in the middle of the event. We plan on going to a restaurant after, like we did with my sister and it would be even worse if she started it all at the restaurant.
So, WIBTJ if I asked her not to bring her newborn?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. I’m going to go against the grain here for one specific reason. This is OP’s event. If she wants the focus to be on her without having to worry about everyone paying attention to the new baby, there should be a way to make that work.
High School graduation is important to many people. Mom’s partner is not OP’s father. He does not need to be at the graduation. Mom needs to understand that and work with OP to find a reasonable solution. Just because there is a newborn doesn’t mean the newborn is required to participate in every event that OP has.
While I disagree with the choice, she should have the ability to dictate what she wants for the event. If OP’s mom and partner can’t make her request work, then need to figure something else out. One can stay back and stay with the baby.
They can get a babysitter. There are options to explore other than for mom and partner to force her baby 1/2 sibling on her.
There are posts all the time about these issues and parents forcing baby 1/2 siblings onto children and all that does is wreck any chance of a reasonable relationship with the kid/parents.
We don’t know enough about the backstory of mom/partner and their pregnancy and mom’s divorce from dad and whether dad is in the picture or his family or the like. There are a lot of factors in play that could send this either way before so many people call OP the jerk.” TheDarkHelmet1985
Another User Comments:
“So many upset people here dear lord. No jerks here. People stare themselves blind on maybe the baby doesn’t do x, y, z, etc. Most people should understand not wanting a baby there. “But they are your half-sibling” matters not when they are just a fussy poop machine you’ve had no time bonding with.
You are free to ask, she is free to say “baby has to come, or I can’t” and then you’ll have to decide what you’ll prefer of those two. The question isn’t an awful one so as long as you word it nicely no harm done I say.
Everyone screaming jerk is clearly just too trigger-happy.” Schnauzerbear
Another User Comments:
“Based mostly on your responses to many comments YTJ. You and your mom need to work on your relationship, and you have some growing up to do. You sound resentful of the INFANT which is a really sad look for someone who is so proud to be graduating like an adult.
I’d bet it wouldn’t even be the only INFANT or toddler at the graduation. Sorry but kids are a part of a community like any other age. YTJ also for having the mindset that would judge someone who is trying to be there for the graduate they love, and is a parent.
And if your peers are such small-minded jerks that a baby crying would ruin the whole thing and embarrass you, none of you deserve any of the accolades that come from being educated adults. IMO you sound like a big baby and by your own logic should just probably skip your graduation.” slickthick69
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Immediately Go To Costco After Work?
“Today I (28F) got home around 6 after driving for an hour from work. I was greeted by my partner (27M) and he was in a good mood after taking a nap because he was home all day. I changed into an indoor dress, sat down, and handed him the food I brought home.
After talking for a minute or two he says he wanted to go to Costco and walk around and look for coconut water because he couldn’t find it yesterday. He also wanted to enjoy the nice weather because he felt stir-crazy indoors.
This is where it goes wrong.
I have absolutely no desire to go to Costco. He loves Costco. With a passion. For years now, the moment I get off of work, he insists that we go walk around a grocery store which is fine occasionally but man I freaking hate it.
The last thing I want to do is go walk around a freezer section without any list or intent and then spend loads of money. He’s literally robbed the joy of grocery shopping from me.
Despite this hate in my soul, I say to myself “he loves Costco and knows that I hate going after work.
Why don’t I propose a compromise!” So I suggest that we wait twenty minutes because I just got home and then we go.
Chaos ensues!
Apparently, this wasn’t a compromise because it would be “just twenty minutes and then another twenty minutes and then 25 minutes to get ready and then by that time the sun is gone.”
Upon hearing this I said, “Well then let’s just go now.” Bad idea. Now he doesn’t want to go because the wind was taken out of his sails.
I again do wrong by pointing out that he got himself into a tizzy and that has nothing to do with me because I’m trying to listen and be responsive.
Apparently, this was wrong as well because I’m ‘escaping responsibility.’
I then said “I’m just trying to listen to you. Before I said that I wanted to wait (twenty mins and then go but after hearing your reasons it’s clear you want to go now so let’s go)” but I was interrupted before finishing that statement by him saying “You’re trying to wait.
You should have said ‘I was saying X earlier but I’m saying Y now.’” And then I said that I was going to say those exact words but he interrupted me. That only made him more upset and he said that I’m trying to play the victim.
After all this, I just decided to go to the car and wait for him to get dressed. Now he doesn’t want to go at all and I’m the bad guy. It’s been an hour and he’s still pouting.
Am I being a jerk or is this just irrational behavior by him?
On the one hand, I understand his plight after being home all day. On the other hand, I think he needs to be more self-aware and realize this isn’t the big deal he made it into.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I say this as a guy who absolutely loves Costco and has been a member since it was called Price Club.
You’ve worked a hard and long day and deserve a break upon returning home. If your partner is so darn anxious to go then he can hop in the car and drive there himself. That way he can spend all the time there he wants and eat all the free samples he can stomach.
He doesn’t need you to hold his hand.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he seemingly won’t go on his own, he throws a tantrum because you don’t want to go NOW NOW NOW, and he interrupts you. Are you sure he’s not 3 toddlers in a trench coat?
I’d be so embarrassed by him. He should be embarrassed of himself. He can wait to get his special juice to put in his silly cup. You think he’d be more pleasant after nap time.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk but he is.
He can easily go enjoy Costco without you and I say that as someone who loves a low-key mosey around a grocery store or Costco when it’s slow in there. However my husband can’t stand it and I know this about him so I’ll ask him in case on a whim that he says yes, it’s that simple.
Your partner needs to grow up and learn about compromises and understand that it’s ok to do things you enjoy separately.
I would suggest you sit down with him like two mature adults in a relationship and let him know that while you appreciate his love for Costco, it’s not something that interests you to the same level so you don’t care to go (and tell him all the reasons why so it’s very clear).
And then let him know that it’s fine if he asks you but that an ask doesn’t equate to a yes.
Lastly, let him know that you can empathize with his stir craziness but he needs to empathize with you regarding how you would like some time to decompress at home after being gone all day.
And say the situation was reversed where you wanted to go out and he wanted to stay, you would respect his no and either go without him or stay home without pouting like a child. Also, what’s with wanting to go into a store to enjoy the nice weather outside?
Why not go to a park, go enjoy a meal at a place with outdoor seating, or go to a nursery/home improvement store?” BlurryThoughtsForAll
16. AITJ For Insisting On Parking In Front Of My Own House?
“I (22f) was coming home from a coffee run this morning and got into a little “argument”. I live on a side street next to a private high school, and on Saturdays, they often have a ton of sports games.
On especially busy days, people will often park on the side streets rather than parking in the parking lots, as my street is closer to the fields where the games are played.
I park my siblings’ and my shared car on the street, as our driveway is taken up by my parents’ cars.
I usually park right in front of my house, and as I turned into my neighborhood and saw how packed the street was with cars, I was worried my spot would be taken. It wasn’t taken by a car, which relieved me, but rather a middle-aged woman standing with her arms outstretched.
I put my blinker on and rolled down my window as I got in front of my house, and the woman asked me “parking for the lacrosse game?”
Before I could say “no” she cut me off, saying, “I’m saving this spot for my sister, she’s just a minute away but I saw this spot for her so I told her I’d save it.”
What she said next still makes me laugh. She gave me a smile and said “I know the family that lives here, it’s my best friend’s family.” She pointed to my house.
I do not know this woman. She clearly thought this lie would work on me, but her smile dropped when I told her, “I live here, this is where I usually park.”
She began to argue with me, saying she was saving the spot because it was right next to the lacrosse field. I told her she could park in the parking lot, and she told me to park somewhere else. My street was filled with cars at this point, so “somewhere else” would have been the next street over.
Despite how angry I was, I told the woman, “Please move, I’m parking here and I don’t want to hit you.” She crossed her arms and started cussing me out, especially when I put the car in drive and started parallel parking.
She ran off, saying “real classy jerk!” and made her way toward the lacrosse game.
After thinking about the situation, I just want to know if I was the jerk for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you didn’t live there, first come first serve? I hate when people try to hold a parking spot and then get unnecessarily aggressive with someone ready to park there.
She was just mad you caught her out in a lie and that you didn’t let her bully you to parking not…in front of your house.” gwendalf_lurks
Another User Comments:
“You might want to report this woman’s behavior and the whole parking situation to the school.
Some schools make firm rules about parking for parents and students so as not to upset their neighbors. And in any case, unless you actually put the woman at risk of being hit by your car, NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might check with the town you live in about parking for school events.
Make a complaint to the school. I have heard of some places that actually have parking laws regarding sporting events because the events overwhelm the locals causing traffic issues and limited access to their actual homes.” Top-Ad-2676
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother At My Dad's Funeral?
“So, my dad (48M) died suddenly while I (20F) was studying abroad about a month ago from a heart attack.
He was my bestest buddy and we would do everything together: go for drives, play uno, watch XMen, etc. Before he died, he told me that he did not under any circumstances want my mom at his funeral. I told my mom this the night she called me to tell me he died, and she said ok but was very upset by it.
My mom and I have never had a good relationship but due to my sister asking me to let her come and my mom’s family members saying that a funeral is about the living and not the dead, I decided to be nice and allow her to come as they’d been together for 30 years.
However, when my mom was married to my dad she was very abusive (hitting, scratching, threatening to divorce all the time), which is why I couldn’t understand why she even wanted to come.
Yesterday, my mom kicked me out of the house because we got into an argument.
I had already been saying that I changed my mind about her coming a week before the argument because I did not want people who cared about my dad to see her there. I was planning to send her a message (along with some other things about how much I despise her) telling her not to come to my dad’s memorial. My aunt (mom’s sister) says that it’s not my place to tell my mom how to grieve.
I disagree, I think she can use the money she got from taking life insurance out on my dad to go on a nice vacation instead of showing her face in a room of people who despise her, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad.
It really is painful especially since it was sudden and unexpected. Soft no jerks here – grieving is so individual and I understand your pain. Instead talk to your mom, tell her that you want to respect your dad’s wishes, and offer to do something individually with her to memorialize your dad.
If that doesn’t work, you really need to consider if this is the fight you want to fight, and fight, right now. I’m sure your dad didn’t think he would be gone this soon, but him asking you for that “favor” was not a position he should’ve put you in.
It’s not a kind position to put your child in.
Do NOT send her a message telling her how much you despise her. You are so raw right now. Instead, write her a letter with everything you want to say, but do not send it.
Your feelings are real and your grief (which includes anger) is going to be really loud right now. Give it a year at least and then revisit the letter, I can almost guarantee your feelings will be a bit different. In the meantime seek grief counseling, after losing my mom, I went to a grief group at my church it was helpful, individual counseling is great too and your counselor can help you to have a constructive conversation with your mom.
Hang in there OP, again it’s so hard, but you will get through this. Although the pain doesn’t fully go away, it lightens and you will smile again.” olive_us_here
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While funerals are primarily for the living, the wishes of the deceased should be respected where possible.
Add to that the implication of past disrespect and conflict and you have even more reason to ensure she isn’t present. You’re the person dealing with the most grief atm. If she would be a hindrance to your grieving rather than a benefit/support, or at least neutral, she should NOT be there.
(Although I will add that no one, absolutely NO ONE, should be required to have a person who abused them at their funeral. That is the sort of request that should absolutely be respected.)” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Before he died, he told me that he did not under any circumstances want my mom at his funeral”.
You’re honoring your dad’s wishes. If they have no relationship in life, going to his funeral against his dying wishes is pure disrespect to your dad. Perhaps that’s what your mom is intentionally doing. Also to kick you out of the house over a disagreement is pretty harsh, especially when you’re mourning your dad.” archetyping101
14. AITJ For Calling My Friend An Idiot Over House Buying Priorities Debate?
“I’m in the market to buy a house and I had a discussion with a friend while looking at options. There were two houses that I was interested in and were in my price range. One was much nicer and larger and the other was smaller and not up to date.
The nicer house is in a dangerous neighborhood and doesn’t have the best-rated school, while the other house was in a very safe neighborhood with the best schools in the city. I said I’d rather take the smaller house because of the neighborhood statistics.
My friend chimed in and said “it doesn’t matter.”
I said, “why? Of course it matters. I’d rather live in a safer neighborhood.”
He said, “Bro, statistics literally don’t matter, someone can come and break into your house in that safe neighborhood too.
Anything can happen.”
I said, “yeah but I’d rather minimize my risks.”
He said, “It literally doesn’t matter, anything can happen.”
Now we kept going on and on, I mentioned everything I know about statistics to him and he just wouldn’t understand and kept bringing up news articles.
I genuinely had a headache and just told him I’m done speaking with him, and that he’s an actual idiot. He then said, “Ha, looks like you were too dumb to debate me. I won.” I simply can’t fathom some people are genuinely this dumb.
He also thinks gambling is better than investing in diversified stocks and assets, so it’s a given.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and anyone who says “thieves target nicer neighborhoods”, or something similar, is missing the point about statistics…you all are just plain wrong.
If one place has a crime rate that is xx muggings per 1000 people and another place has xx/10 muggings per 1000 people the second place is obviously much, much safer in regards to muggings. If you think differently then you are objectively an idiot when it comes to understanding statistics and risk.
Yes, bad things can happen anywhere but the odds are much higher in certain places or doing certain things. Statistics show that you will more likely get injured while hang-gliding or playing American football than playing a board game or watching TV – this is an objective fact and no amount of arguing will change that some things are more dangerous.
Some neighborhoods are safer than others and police statistics will show that; doesn’t matter what you think, those places are safer and refusal to accept the statistics is being dumb (assuming of course accurately collected and analyzed).
I go on this rant because the vast majority of people have very little concept of risk and statistics, I mean it is very bad in the US (and probably most of the world since humans are not very good with this).
Most folks I know are more worried about getting in an airplane crash than driving when it is much safer flying than just driving to the airport – hasn’t been a major carrier death in the US in about 2 decades, yet dozens die on the road every day.
In the OP’s case, his friend really is an idiot when it comes to understanding statistics and risk. Perhaps to soften the blow maybe call the friend ignorant, but as a wise person wrote: “If you’re ignorant about enough things for a long enough period of time you might as well be called stupid.
There is no functional difference.” The friend was doubling down on something he is objectively wrong about.” Random-OldGuy
Another User Comments:
“Not everybody wants to “debate”/argue. I know some people communicate that way, they just think it’s friendly chatting, but if both parties don’t agree, then it can be wildly aggravating.
You have your opinion, your friend has theirs, and you have both expressed those opinions and reasons for them, now your friend can let it go and shut up about it! Your friend can think you are making a mistake. But ya know what? It’s your mistake to make, just like it’s his mistake to go to Las Vegas, (or whatever), instead of investing in the stock market.
NTJ. And ya know what? A smaller and not up-to-date house can be more easily enlarged or renovated than a nicer house in an unsafe neighborhood can have the crime levels lessened. Unless you are friends with Batman.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“The famous mantra for real estate is, “location, location, location”.
Don’t pay attention to your friend. I wouldn’t stoop to name-calling, but they are definitely wrong, and a bit bone-headed to boot. It sounds like the bigger issue is that your friend is willing to argue to death on whatever position he takes, whether wrong or right.
He sees the argument as a battle to be won, and not a (hopefully polite) discourse that leads to an exchange of information or expanding and improving one’s knowledge. That’s sad, really. Take my advice – people of that nature are not fun to argue with and it’s rarely ever worth it.
They won’t be swayed by anyone’s opinion but their own and the only thing you can do is open your eyes very wide, and exclaim, “OMG YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU ARE A GENIUS” and end the conversation. NTJ.” busyshrew
13. AITJ For Prioritizing My Internship Over My Family Vacation?
“I’m 20m.
My family told me earlier this year that they planned to go to their home country over the summer, and I told them I couldn’t make it because I have a summer internship. This is an internship in an industry and company I’d like to work at, so it’s important that I do well, and that would mean I’d be spending a lot of time over the summer working.
This means, the majority of times they’d want to go out and do something or visit family or something, I wouldn’t be able to be there or give my full attention. So, it just wouldn’t be worth the cost of buying me tickets when I’ll just be working all the time.
They insisted I come anyway, so I said fine, and now I’m on vacation with them. As I said, I’ve mostly just been focused on working and have stayed in at the apartment we’re staying at instead of going out with them to visit family.
They say I’m a jerk for not visiting family or spending time with them. I don’t think they have any right to act surprised when this is exactly what I told them would happen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are twenty, no longer a child.
You are working on becoming independent and this internship is very important in that process. Your parents still think you are a child and they can dictate what you do. You explained to them what their internship means to you, but they didn’t hear. They were sure once they got you on this “vacation” they could dictate how you spent your time.
NTJ OP, you need to learn from this. Right now, your parents do not treat you as an adult. You need to talk to them now and set boundaries about this “vacation.” It was never a true vacation for you as you are working. They have to be made to understand that.” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave them a complete heads-up. Next time they make a comment just say “Oh I am a jerk? For wanting to make something of my life? I told you all ahead of time I will not be able to join much for the vacation since this is an important internship for my career.
So no I am not the one in the wrong in this situation. The people in the wrong are the ones who didn’t listen to me and expect me to drop everything and not give a good impression during this internship and potentially cost me landing a good job there in the future.”” Azsura12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but in the interest that they 1) spent money on your ticket (that you accepted) 2) they are your family, and while I imagine they annoy you, you love them, I would try to come up with a compromise. Ask them if there are things they would really like you to do and rank them in order of most importance to least. Then do your best to work around as many as you can without compromising your internship.” AggravatingBowl1426
12. AITJ For Refusing To Look After My Friend's Dog During My Mother-In-Law's Visit?
“My friend of over 10 years has a dog I often look after when he goes on holidays with his husband. This year, they planned a three-week trip with no confirmed dates and asked if I would be around and I said yes. Some months later my partner, whom I live with, let me know that his mom and her husband wanted to visit but turned out it was during their trip.
For context, his dog is anxious, barks, and almost bites when approached a certain way, especially when there are more people in the house. She bit me once and almost bit a friend staying over this year. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, so visitors sleep in the living room with the dog.
As it was my mother-in-law’s first visit, I informed my friend I couldn’t look after the dog during those days and suggested other pet-sitting options I found online. He didn’t reply.
A couple of weeks later, he said his husband’s brother David would stay at their flat and look after her but asked if David could bring her to me once my mother-in-law left. I agreed.
A week before their trip, my friend asked if I could stay with his dog the first week before my mother-in-law arrived. David would then pick the dog up, look after her while my mother-in-law was here, and then bring his dog back to me once she left. David is unreliable, having once promised to look after the dog but never showed up, so I was certain he wouldn’t pick her up, leaving me with her for all three weeks.
My friend said it would be expensive for David to take public transport from their house to work. I said I preferred to keep our original agreement due to the reasons mentioned. He was passive-aggressive, asking if it was too much work to look after her.
I got upset. I had looked after her for free before without complaining, at least twice per year for the past three years. I explained it wasn’t easy to look after a dog, that I take her out twice a day for walks+pee+poo but I didn’t mind doing it.
However, this time I didn’t want a dog around with visitors I wasn’t close with, risking her getting stressed and barking all the time. He didn’t like my response and commented that he and his husband were not my priority anymore. He said if it was too much work, he would find other alternatives.
I said I didn’t see the need for an argument and would still look after her on the days I had promised, asking only to keep the agreement.
He didn’t reply. He didn’t talk to me until the day I was supposed to look after her because I texted saying my mother-in-law was leaving the next day and David could bring her here.
He replied it wasn’t needed, that David was staying at their flat until they came back. He hasn’t talked to me since, and it’s been days since they are back.
Am I the jerk for not looking after his dog even with visitors here and for saying it was too much work?
I don’t know if I should try to reach out and have a conversation or wait until he reaches out to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve regularly been doing your friend a favor. Somehow, your friend has made this favor into an obligation. It isn’t.
If not doing this favor one time is enough to break up the friendship, it was on very thin ice already. You might mourn the friendship breaking up for not being his reliable unpaid employee, but the death really came before the official death date.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Friends” do not demand permission to severely inconvenience you for three weeks and then get in a snit when you very reasonably ask to alter the arrangements. “He and his husband were not your priority anymore”? EXCUSE ME? I missed the part where you had some kind of commitment ceremony and promised to ignore your own preferences, schedule, needs, responsibilities, partner, and family and instead devote your life to performing UNPAID LABOR for them?
That is hillllaaaaaarious, bro, tell me another one.
Why would you want to reach out? Why would you want to continue to have a very one-sided “relationship” with people who seem determined to use you for their own convenience, with no regard for your own needs and comfort?
Not only would I not “reach out,” I would just go ahead and block both their numbers. Also, I am shocked that a dog owned by these two selfish entitled fools is a maladjusted ill-tempered neurotic mess. If you knew your own dog had been an obnoxious barking aggressive BITING disaster to a friend who was so kindly petsitting for free, I’m guessing you would be MORTIFIED and would’ve had the dog in training IMMEDIATELY, for the mutual benefit of yourself, future petsitters, and the dog.
I feel sorry for the floof, but these two human jerks can get bent.” OrigamiStormtrooper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have an abrasive dog that bites. They need to get their dog properly trained. They should be paying a professional to care for their dog when they are away.
They are being jerks. You are allowed to have a life and you had your own plans. It was perfectly reasonable not to want their difficult dog to be around and possibly attack your guests. Do not call them begging for forgiveness. Let them call.
If they don’t call then they weren’t really your friends and they just wanted you around to do stuff for them.” Used_Mark_7911
11. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Estate To My Biological Children Instead Of My Stepchildren?
“I 51f have been battling cancer since I was 28. It’s come back 3 times, and now I am at a point in my life where I am “comfortably” living with cancer.
I have 2 daughters in their 20s, with children, one being widowed. I remarried 2 years ago to a man with 4 children, one still living at home with us (he’s 19.) It’s been weighing heavy on my mind to make sure everything’s in order in case of the worst and I had told my husband I had planned to leave everything to my children and grandchildren.
I wanted to make sure they were set.
He got upset and said that was horrible because I married a man knowing he had children. That what I was doing was horrible and would make them feel unloved.
I love my stepchildren like my own, but one of my daughters is a 29-year-old widow with 3 young children.
My husband is an oral surgeon; he makes great money, and what he chooses to do with it after he passes is up to him.
He’s been very upset by this and has not been talking to me and he even told his eldest daughter who’s also had many tragedies in her life, and she brought it up when she stopped by the house she was also upset by this.
I don’t have much to offer, not like my husband but I don’t see the big deal, I don’t want their feelings hurt. My husband says it’s the principle I married a man with children. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He may be a high earner as an oral surgeon, but I would not be surprised if he married you for money.
Of your 51 years of life, this man has not been in 49 of those. It sounds like with the exception of the 19 yo, all his other three children are adults. Why on earth would they expect to be part of the will of a woman they only met 2 years ago when they were already grown-ups?
I believe you need to revisit this relationship. As Maya Angelou said “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time…” NTJ and get well!” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“Major NTJ. There’s some entitlement here that would scare the heck out of me from a partner you’ve been married to for 2 years.
How long had you been together prior to marriage? If it’s not a long time, I’d genuinely be concerned. If I were marrying late in life, with adult or almost adult children, I’d also have assumed we were each responsible for our own kids. I think the general population would feel the same way.
Especially when it sounds like your partner has more than you to leave behind – was he planning on splitting his estate among his bio & step kids like he expects of you? Idk how else to say it, but take care of the inheritance plan/will writing soon.
Also… do you have life insurance? Who is the beneficiary? If you didn’t list one, depending on your state, it may automatically be your spouse. I’d probably be making sure that’s going to your kids equally as well.” HeathFromHR
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! Please, please, do NOT change your mind about the will!
You have been married ONLY 2 YEARS! You did not raise his children from little up! Additionally, while you say that you love his kids like your own, that cannot possibly be true. If it is, there is something seriously wrong with you, and I don’t mean the cancer.
Having cancer, you most likely will die before he does, and if you think that he is going to ensure that your children are taken care of in his will, let me sell you some property in Shangri-la. You will be gone. He will quickly find your replacement, and then your kids will have nobody and nothing.
If he is like this now, good luck in the future! CHOOSE YOUR CHILDREN, PLEASE! He is an enormous jerk!” Stunning-Campaign973
10. AITJ For Not Taking Back Pajamas My Partner's Girl Best Friend Borrowed Without Asking Me?
“This past weekend my partner and I joined his friends for a weekend getaway at a cabin (Airbnb). There were five people in total (me, him, a male friend, his partner, and my partner’s girl best friend).
I’ve never liked his girl best friend because she gives pick-me vibes and I think she either has a crush on my partner or she likes attention. She doesn’t like me either. I remain very cordial with her.
When we arrived at the cabin, she told my partner that she hadn’t packed any pajamas and none of her clothes were appropriate since they’d get dirty.
She couldn’t wear the other girl’s clothes because they wouldn’t fit so she begged my partner to give me my pajamas since I always pack extra. Without asking me he gave her my pajamas.
So I came out of the shower to find her wearing my pajamas and with the bottom basically shoved all the way up her crack.
She spent the entire weekend lounging in my pajamas.
When the weekend was over she tried to give them back to me and I said that she could keep them. She got mad at me and asked if I thought she was dirty or had cooties.
I said she could just keep them since it seemed she liked them a lot. She called me a mean girl and said I was being rude.
It ruined the mood since the other friend took her side while his partner took mine and my partner had to take my side.
And now things are really awkward and I think I might be iced out by my partner’s friends. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She got her power trip out of getting YOUR partner to do her bidding, and then further exploits the situation by acting the victim.
Your partner is more her partner than yours sorry to say. I don’t see what you want out of this relationship. This guy has no sense of boundaries at your expense. What’s next, the MIL raiding your fridge while you are at work and taking your baby to the courthouse to rename it after herself or FIL and your partner drives them there?
Wtf. He may take your side this time but something will happen again. He isn’t always going to side with you so you have to decide if that’s something you can live with.” ReadIllustrious4580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been on both sides of this before (being the one to lend clothes and being the one to receive them) and sometimes it’s with someone I’m close to, other times a stranger or someone I didn’t really like.
But never once has it ended up like this. It’s always been a polite “oh you can keep them, I don’t really wear them that much” or “hey, let me wash this first and get it back to you,” and then we all go on with our lives in peace.
There’s no reason for her to be so upset that you said she could keep them, if she didn’t want a handout she shouldn’t have accepted them in the first place.” Ok-Historian5411
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She likes attention? This was to get attention. Honestly, she’s crossing too many boundaries.
Wearing your clothes without YOUR permission and then throwing a fit because you won’t take them back? She needs to grow up and if you and your partner are in it for the long haul, a discussion about his female best friend needs to be had.
If you two are just seeing each other with no long-term goals in sight I guess let it be.. but for the sake of a healthy and happy long-term relationship, she needs to be cut out. She intentionally packed inappropriately, then didn’t have any PJs to wear, but KNEW you always brought extra?
That’s WEIRD…she just wanted an excuse to wear your clothes? Very ick. She wants your man and you and your partner are letting her tease y’all about it. Set those boundaries!!! You keep telling us how polite and hospitable you are, but that’s what is enabling her to keep pushing her way into your business.
She really thinks highly of herself being the best friend and she doesn’t acknowledge you for your status as partner.” HappyBad5863
9. AITJ For Revoking My Brother's Plus One To My Wedding Because He Wanted To Bring His Female Best Friend Instead Of His Partner?
“My brother is 29 and has been with Lia for about 2 years. We all like her; she is super nice. I am getting married next April and sent an invite to my brother’s apartment.
We decided to send invites to households and not individuals. For example, our aunt received an invite for her family and not for each individual.
Last Thursday, we met at my parents’ place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons, lol.
While there, I asked my brother about Lia’s dietary restrictions. I know that she is a vegetarian for health reasons and that she cannot have certain raw vegetables.
He said that she wasn’t going to come and that he was taking his girl best friend, Amanda, instead.
Now, their relationship is weird. Amanda has always been stringing my brother along, in my opinion. He always denies having feelings for her, but let’s be real here.
Amanda would see other guys, blow off my brother, then when things were on the decline with her partners, she would be attached to him again.
Her last partner broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-partner, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-partner. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his partner broke up with him.
I didn’t even say anything anymore because it’s all so weird.
So, when he said that, I asked if Lia already had other plans. But my brother said that Amanda had asked if she could come because it would be an opportunity to finally see the old gang (we were in the same friend group in high school).
I told him that I would have invited Amanda if I wanted her there. Amanda is mean and cold. She always makes disparaging comments about other girls. At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to “leave her alone” and then making a cryptic comment about something “hurting her.”
I told my brother I was revoking his plus one and Amanda was NOT coming to our wedding. He accused me of being misogynistic and bigoted because I don’t understand opposite-sex friendships. Which is nonsense. My husband has a female childhood friend who is his best woman.
I love her too and she has been amazing. AND SHE RESPECTS BOUNDARIES. She always included me and made a huge effort when I started seeing my fiancé to integrate me into the friend group.
Anyway, I said my decision was final. He could take it or leave it, but I would be inviting Lia myself because I like her.
He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. I said to get rid of his weird feelings for Amanda. He is mad at me. My dad said it was none of our deal. My mom is furious with my brother.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the bottom line is you don’t want Amanda at your wedding because she causes a scene and brings a negative energy. I think you are well within your right to say she is not allowed at the wedding.
You can invite Lia yourself but by the sounds of your brother’s behavior who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised you think you’re a jerk at all. You are well within your rights not to want someone who causes drama at your wedding. Amanda wants to see the old gang, cool, you don’t want her there. That’s an Amanda problem.
I see other comments saying Lia would probably be uncomfortable and I’d agree. You can’t force your brother’s partner into the picture if he’s trying to exclude her but you can make sure Amanda’s not there. That’s not you being a jerk, your brother is the jerk here.
100%.” EffectiveOne236
Another User Comments:
“Why did you give your brother a generic “+1” to begin with if he’s in a long-term relationship? Usually known partners are explicitly named in the invite. The whole point of an unnamed +1 is so the invited guest can invite a date of their choosing.
If you wanted your brother to bring a specific date you should have named that date on the invitation. Your brother is definitely the jerk for not inviting his partner, but you could have avoided this drama entirely had you just followed proper etiquette in his invitation to begin with.” PassionV0id
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My Ex Who Refused To Do Chores And Trashed My House?
“I (19M) and my ex-partner Breckie (19F) lived with my parents during her summer break from school. She doesn’t work and I do. I work a full-time job and work more than 50 hours a week. I get 2 days off a week but more often than not I end up working a half day on one of them because we are understaffed. Every day I get home around 6:30-9 PM.
My days off should be a day that I get to rest and relax with my partner, but instead, I have to clean all of the messes she has made over the week. Dishes, laundry, and trash all over the floor. Personally, I believe that if one partner is working and the other isn’t the jobless one should be doing household chores.
More context. We don’t have any kids. So it isn’t like she is doing anything other than lying in our bed and scrolling on her phone. I’ve tried to communicate with her about it and she just blew up on me. She called me a “misogynist” and told me to go away.
I slept on the couch that night to give her space. Breckie and I were arguing every day for weeks after that. I kept trying to ask her if there was a reason she didn’t want to help with anything around the house that she lives in.
Once again, I pay for everything. All the food she eats. The plates she eats on. The silverware she eats with. I don’t know if I am in the wrong for wanting and borderline expecting the chores to be done. But if I am, let me know.
Trying to be a supportive partner, I asked her if she wanted to talk to a therapist because maybe it was a mental health thing. (I suffer from depression myself and often times find a lack of motivation to do anything at times.) After I said this, she told me she needed a break and went to bed. (She doesn’t have anywhere else to go because her relationship with her family is in a really horrible spot.
So I wasn’t going to just have her leave.) I slept on the couch for a few more weeks giving her space. Then at the beginning of the month, (June 2024 at the time of making this) she asked if the 2 of us could talk.
I go upstairs to our room and immediately I am in shock.
The room is in shambles. My stuff is barely even visible because of all the trash and dishes. I wish I took a picture but I was too disgusted. I lost it right there. Going into my bedroom and seeing all of my things gross and covered with trash.
I yelled at her for the first time in our relationship. I told her to be gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow.
I get home the next day and my house is trashed. All of the dishes (not just mine but my parents’ too) are broken.
The kitchen floor is covered in broken ceramic bowls and plates and glass. The TV in my room and the living room were broken. I tried to call her and text her but I was blocked on everything. It makes me wonder if maybe I was wrong for doing that.
If it made her that angry maybe I was in the wrong. Maybe I should’ve just tried to tough it out??? Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wasn’t pulling her weight, had no respect for the space you lived in, refused to talk about it, and subsequently the relationship was falling apart.
Knowing she had nowhere else to stay and that her actions could have been the result of poor mental health. It may have not been the best option to kick her out on short notice. Instead opting to give her a timeframe to leave. Though it doesn’t make you a jerk.
It might be worth calling the police over the property damage. Actions have consequences.” Snoozeberry91
Another User Comments:
“It is strange that you let this go on for so long. In any event, it appears she committed crimes of vandalism and you have civil claims you could technically make.
One problem, however, is that people who are allowed to live at a home for a certain time or under certain circumstances become tenants in the eyes of the law, and kicking them out can become an illegal lockout. A crime itself. So pursuing the matter might boomerang on you if she goes to the police in retaliation or even you telling the story to the police.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s unhinged. That’s NOT normal behavior. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has undiagnosed mental problems. Call the cops and report her. If possible get a restraining order. Her behavior can escalate. If you have a garage put your car in it.
Warn your employer to look out for her for your own safety. Get a lawyer versed in landlord/tenant/squatter’s rights law. Change the locks if the attorney gives you the all-clear. I probably would no matter what just because I would feel unsafe based on her very destructive behavior.
Decide if you want to sue her. Technically you may have had to evict her, but she’s out now. Count your lucky blessings she’s gone.” Ok_Expression7723
7. AITJ For Being Upset When My Wife's Family Doesn't Listen To Me?
“My wife and I have been together for about ten years. This problem has finally come to a head and I want some outside perspectives.
Long story short, our families have much different communication styles. I was taught to listen, respond, and then listen some more, and then respond.
Conversation is a boat we row together.
Her family, I don’t know how else to put it, just talks. Like long stories that hem and haw and divert and occasionally converge. Everyone else plays on their phone and tosses out a grunt now and then until they find an opening to tell their own long story.
Then the cycle continues.
I find this extremely, incredibly rude. Shockingly rude! But we only see them like six times a year so I shut up and browse social media.
Well, her mom finally asked why I’m so quiet when we visit. I’m usually really good at dodging, but she was kind of persistent about it, like “no seriously, tell us how everything is going with you!” This is the absolute first time she or her ex-husband or her son (my BIL) have expressed interest in my life.
I started talking about my big work project and, sure enough, they all just unlocked their phones and started playing, so I just stopped talking and watched the clock. A full two minutes went by before someone realized it was silent in the room.
Her mom said they were listening.
Again I am pretty good at deflecting so I just said something like, it’s fine, I didn’t want to tell it anyway, but she (with her phone still unlocked, in her hand!) kept pushing, so eventually I had to drop the facade and say I don’t want to with a straight face.
Now there is family drama because I was “rude”. I feel like I should just apologize but part of me feels defiant. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why do you care about what they think of you? You don’t respect them and neither are they (truly) interested in you.
The only reason they are giving you grief is because your (shockingly) honest communication disturbs the image they have about themselves as the empathic, communicative, sociable ones. If your wife insists on you apologizing, you tell her that you instead expect an apology for the insult you received. NTJ.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know people like that, it is extremely frustrating. It is their way of communicating, sure, it sucks? Imo, yes. But you can also compromise, in a way. In your family, you talk and listen to each other and have conversations.
In your wife’s family no, but you write like you need to be heard, and fair play, if people say they want to listen to you, it is normal to want to be heard. My tip: if there is another time they push you to talk, say only superficial stuff, don’t go on more personal stuff that you are proud of or emotionally invested in because they won’t give a darn.
Talk about some random stuff of the trip, some random happening in your favorite football/basketball team, or whatever. Just don’t take it personally and you’ll feed their egos without really hurting yourself due to them not listening.” josel15
Another User Comments:
“I have been part of groups that function both ways.
One side thinks the other is rude, the other side doesn’t understand the big deal. But, there is a reason why I would only consider one of these groups to be close to me. If you know they are not trying to be rude (based on one of your comments), then why haven’t you explained to them why you consider their actions rude?
If I’m talking to someone and they start looking at their phone (for an unrelated reason), I’m going to stop and wait for them to finish before continuing. Yes, if they make it clear that having a conversation with me is not interesting enough to stop randomly scrolling through their phone, then I’m very unlikely to want to continue the conversation.
No jerks here. But, you need to be clear on why you feel their behavior is rude or they are unlikely to ever have a conversation with you that leaves you feeling heard.” baloo1970
6. AITJ For Booking A Trip During My Estranged Cousin's Wedding?
“In November 2023, I (28F) had a significant fallout with two of my cousins (26F and 28F).
We used to be close until they lied multiple times with no remorse or guilt and gaslit me on not one, but several occasions. What happened in November was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I severed all ties with them, including their mothers who were complicit.
They haven’t seen me ever since, and we used to see one another every single week.
One of them is getting married in September and my mother insists I should attend her wedding because she is after all, “family”. To be frank, said person is a nobody to me today and I have no reason to be there.
I even skipped her engagement ceremony, when everyone else in the family attended.
My mum is now livid that I booked a trip to Bangkok during the week of her wedding. She wants me to cancel my flight and be present for her big day as she is my cousin.
I want nothing to do with her and made that clear with my mum and she called me a jerk for thinking that way.
AITJ for booking a trip during the week of my cousin’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Showing up at their wedding will not fix your relationship, and it will not bring either of you any joyful memories of being together.
However, it might lead to bitter conversations, conflicts, and hurt feelings. Also people wondering why you avoid each other (because people will without doubt smell that something isn’t right), is a perfect way to ruin the mood and make rumors blossom. This is not something anyone wants in a wedding.
And this is not something any family wants as a part of their memorable happenings. Tell that to your mom and enjoy your trip.” Imaginary-Bag5385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t want to attend, you don’t have to attend. Your mom needs to deal with her own feelings about the situation herself rather than trying to force you to be around your cousins.
If your cousin really wanted you there, it would be your cousin reaching out. Not only would you be unhappy at the wedding, but your cousin probably doesn’t want you there either. Don’t go. Enjoy your trip. Maybe tell your mom to drop it and try being supportive of her own child before you have to go low contact with her.” ExRiverFish4557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate when people pull the “But it’s FAAAAAMILY” card….. As people get older sometimes you realize you don’t like certain family members and if you’ve had a big falling out why would you go? Tell your mom this is your boundary and if she doesn’t like it then she can get over it.” ColdstreamCapple
5. AITJ For Not Considering My Maternal Grandparents As My Real Grandparents?
“I (20M) and my mom (43F) were talking about family and we came on the subject of my grandma’s (92F) (father’s side) health, she’s losing a lot of her mobility lately and I think she doesn’t have a long time anymore.
So we were talking about that and I told my mom that the day my grandmother dies I won’t have any grandparents anymore (my grandpa on the father’s side died 10 years ago).
Hearing that, my mom got upset and told me I do not have the right to say that because her mom and stepdad are still alive.
I told her that I don’t consider them as my grandparents because I’ve seen them I think 10 or maybe 15 times in my life, her mom only calls for my birthday to talk about herself for 15 minutes before giving the phone to her husband for 5 minutes, the only times I’ve seen them her mom didn’t try to interact with me, only her stepdad did and I only remember them being inebriated, and from what my mom told me they also mistreated her (and her sisters) growing up while my grandparents on the father’s side basically raised me and I only felt safe when I was at their home (my home growing up wasn’t the best).
I also told her that in my opinion, they did nothing to deserve the title of grandparents and I don’t want to consider strangers as my grandparents.
My mom answered that we’re related, it’s unfair that I use what she went through as an argument because it didn’t happen to me, that it would break their hearts to hear what I say, and that it’s not up to me to decide, they are my grandparents and saying the opposite is really selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no relationship with your grandparents who were abusive to your mother. She’s wondering why you don’t consider them family?! The question is why does she expect you to care for her abusers? They don’t know and likely won’t ever know.
If she didn’t want to impact your opinion of them, your mother should have kept that information to herself.” Ariesinnc3017
Another User Comments:
“I haven’t seen my mother’s father since my youngest was born (10 years ago) and rarely before then. To put it in context since then my mother died (they didn’t come to the funeral..
not her parents, not her brothers), his wife died (they didn’t have a funeral). I actually am unsure whether he is still alive (and don’t expect to find out if he isn’t). Some people are just not family.” Expensive-Ice-1179
Another User Comments:
“I had a similar situation with an absent grandfather and I still don’t see him as my grandfather.
He passed away a few years ago and the day my mother told me of his death I told her she can go but I won’t. She didn’t ask because she knew my stance on this subject. I didn’t tell her or my family that they should also cut him out but just asked to be respected towards it and they are so I don’t know what your mom’s problem is.
It sounds like she wants to force a relationship with them even when they don’t even acknowledge you. I’m sorry but stand firm and stay strong.” Reasonable-Steak5054
4. AITJ For Arguing With My Sister Over A Forgotten Cookie After Constantly Helping Her?
“My sister (18F) asks a lot of me.
I (22F) help her with her homework, and whenever she’s stressed, I’m there to help her (sometimes for hours on end), she vents to me multiple times a day and texts me with her frankly useless problems all day (like “should or shouldn’t I get a waffle from the cafeteria?”).
There are also many occasions when she forgets to bring her homework, and I have to send photos. Or she’s at school and she’s suddenly wondering where that one thing in her room is and I have to go look for it. I spend hours a week on her, I do a lot of the stuff my parents should do but they don’t.
And I think it’s straining our relationship. I’ve set boundaries with her many times, but she doesn’t respect them.
The day before yesterday, she mentioned they might have my favorite cookies in her school cafeteria and asked if I wanted her to bring me one.
I said yes. They ended up not having them that day (they only have them once a month or so). Today, I walked into her room and saw 2 cookies, so I said, “OMG, thanks! You got me one!” And she goes, “Oh no, they’re for me and Dad.” I asked her why she didn’t get me one because I literally confirmed 2 days ago that I wanted one.
She was clearly annoyed that I asked and she said she forgot.
Would I be upset about this normally? No. But I’ve been working hard for her all week, and she can’t even remember to bring me a cookie. She often forgets to say thank you after I help her with stuff and she doesn’t do the same things for me in return.
If I’m stressed or I need help, she might be there for a few minutes but she will quickly grow annoyed and yell at me instead of helping me.
So I gave her a look, and then she, seemingly reading my thoughts, lectured me about how it’s unkind to expect anything back when I’m helping her with stuff.
But it’s not even much to ask. I would’ve paid for the cookie. I just think it’s stupid that I help her with stuff on a daily basis, and she can’t even remember to buy me a cookie. She didn’t apologize for forgetting either.
I’m not truly upset about the cookie of course. I can live without one. But I feel like our relationship is totally out of balance. I do way more for her than I should. And she does far too little. I do way more than an average sibling and she does way less.
But is that her fault? It’s certainly not her fault my parents don’t accommodate her emotional needs. I suppose it’s not her fault she has less time to help me with stuff. I naturally blame her for ignoring my boundaries regarding this over and over, but did I take it too far?
We ended up yelling and arguing about this cookie for a while and she got upset and had less time to study for her test because of it. Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you haven’t set boundaries at all. It’s not a boundary if she can ignore it at will.
She’s 18. It’s time for you to stop treating her like a baby. Let her handle her own problems without your help. If she forgets her homework, that’s her problem, not yours. If she can’t decide on whether to have a waffle, let her learn how to think for herself.
You don’t “have to look” for stuff in her room, etc. She’s been treating you like a paid servant but without the pay. Just stop.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you acknowledge it’s not about the cookie. It’s about your sister’s inability to regulate her emotions and the mental load you take on to accommodate that.
The only solution I can think of would be to scale back your help. If she texts you in the middle of the day to go look for something in her room, say no. Help her with her homework, but don’t send pictures of it when she forgets it at home.
Give her a time limit for being a listening ear. You don’t have to abandon her entirely, but you should scale it back for your own mental health.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“Learn to say no. Why do you do all the stuff for your sister?
If you forget something then let her get consequences. It seems like you’re babying her for some reason. Make her do her own homework, issue. If you get something at home and that’s her issue and tell her. Oh well you forgot it, next time remember to bring it with you.
You’re frustrated because you asked me to do you one favor and should even do it. But remember you’re doing all the stuff because you want to. Why do you think you have to? If your parents won’t do it for her, she will do it for herself.
NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
3. AITJ For Telling My New Co-Worker Not To Take Photos On My Phone?
“I am a 23F. I am engaged and have been for over a year now. One of my coworkers, we will call him Gabe, is new.
He has worked there for maybe two weeks. I don’t know him that well and worked with him twice now.
Well tonight, Gabe decided to open up the camera on my phone and take photos. After I came back from the bathroom, he didn’t tell me that he had.
It wasn’t until I got home, that I found the photos in my camera roll. I would be confused if my fiancé had photos of a female coworker on his phone, so I told him (my fiancé) and then texted Gabe asking if he could not do that again.
He hasn’t taken photos on any of my other coworkers’ phones and it just weirds me out. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is something that we do with my close friends, we sometimes take silly selfies on someone’s phone if they leave it unattended. A new coworker who you don’t even have a relationship with is crossing a line if he does this, he shouldn’t be touching your belongings.” smhsomuchheadshaking
Another User Comments:
“Not only is this a violation of your personal property, but it’s also the same thing my literal 12-year-old daughter does on mine and her father’s phones. It’s juvenile and weird, I’m also wondering if he thought he was just being a “silly little guy” and trying to flirt with you.
Either way. NTJ. WTF Gabe.” thr0wwwwawayyy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very weird that he did that but like he could also be just messing around and it’s good that you told him to stop. Maybe he liked you and didn’t know you have a man already?
Or was trying to hit on you? Or on the off chance he maybe thought it was his phone for a second which I have seen multiple times with iPhone users since there are only like 2 colors and some people use the quick camera button to take selfies faster.
I don’t know a couple of people here are taking it way too far, you don’t need the manager involved for a small harmless joke that, from what you’ve told us, has happened just once, now if it happens again or any other weird stuff then, by all means, call the manager.
Swear people on here go straight to ruthless like people don’t make mistakes all the time and they just wanna burn them at the stake immediately, we’re all human, chill ya bozos, dude is probably just a bit awkward, or is socially inept.” TotallyNotAtWorking
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Privileged Friend Who Criticized My Lifestyle During Her Stay?
“I (22F) moved to a new city from my small hometown for work.
Since this move, my lifestyle, habits, schedule, etc have all changed as I am navigating being an adult and a working professional. I’ve also been actively trying to make new friends and distance myself from certain friends who I feel I have nothing much in common with anymore from my hometown.
So a week ago, a friend, let’s call her Riya, who I’ve known since we were 11 said she wanted to come stay with me for a few days as she was “so bored” in my hometown and all her friends had left somewhere for summer.
Riya is still in uni and comes from a privileged family where she doesn’t really do any chores and all her bills are paid. We used to have a lot of sleepovers when we were kids where our respective mothers used to cook for us.
For some context, over the last couple of years, I really do not feel a connection with her, as our interests, hobbies, and opinions have become drastically different. I also feel the only reason we remained friends is because we haven’t really had a fallout or a fight.
So for the last 4 days, she’s been staying with me and I can’t stand her company. I feel like this is reflected in the way I act with her, and I regret saying yes to her staying over. She kept complaining about how I order takeout a lot, how the mattress is too firm etc. I snapped when she complained about us taking public transport was such a hassle as she has a chauffeur at home.
I told her we’re adults now, and I cannot baby you for all 5 days that you’re here.
Riya got extremely upset and brought up the fact of how welcoming her family has always been to me, which is true. I just wish she’d understand I don’t have a mum or a cook at home with me and her staying over now as an adult is different to us having sleepovers as kids.
She said I wasn’t being a good friend or host.
So, AITJ in this situation? Should I have been a better host and friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is expecting you to give her a getaway vacation, not a sleepover. She sounds entitled. She has overstayed her welcome, and it’s time to tell her to leave.
This isn’t ending the friendship, you have a life that isn’t just catering to her, and she is interfering with that life.” M1NDH0N3Y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the situation. While it’s commendable that you initially agreed to let Riya stay with you out of friendship, it’s also important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries.” sarastorm-
1. AITJ For Investigating My Psych Patient's Claims Of Theft Without Involving My Colleagues?
“I (35f) started working in a psychiatric hospital 6 months ago. Let me first say that this job is my calling. I love helping people and every day I try to make a difference. I can’t spill all of the details but this is what is happening right now.
One of our patients has been admitted with psychosis. This is not the first time for him, but it is my first introduction to him. His psychosis is substance abuse-related. After a period of withdrawal, he has now been admitted to us to investigate the psychosis and support him.
Two weeks ago I found him in his room angry and sad at the same time. At first, he refused to tell me what was wrong, and after half an hour of sitting on the floor in silence and just being present, he carefully started his story.
He says that this happened every time during his admission. This patient has parents who support him financially.
He can purchase things from a “shop” in our hospital. Especially foods that are not included in the daily diet such as chips and chocolate. But also for smoking items. According to him, this allowance is always stolen in our department and because he always closes his room and knows that only we can enter his room, he is sure that it is one of my colleagues.
He has already raised this issue and has been told every time he is imagining it.
After our conversation, I started discussing this with the team and was immediately told: okay, here we go again. There was no room for my opinion and no will to find a solution.
I see our patient sink deeper out of disappointment and I can imagine how lonely he must feel.
After much thought, I came up with a solution. I told him I had a solution to find out what happened to his allowance. Without suspecting any of my colleagues.
The solution was for me to hide the allowance without him knowing where it is. I took a picture of it so I had proof of it. I hid the allowance behind the nursing gloves. My patient left for the weekend so he has not been in his room without my supervision.
I didn’t go to his room when he wasn’t there because it didn’t feel good.
So last Monday the time had come..he came back from his weekend and I decided to take a look if the allowance was still there without his presence (he was in group therapy).
To my surprise, I saw that the allowance was gone. I went to the head psychiatrist who was grateful for the information. He said that he had the feeling that the patient was delusional and that he does not know that this is certainly not the case, but that this is very good tangible information.
I am impartial. I have not told the patient anything about the allowance, the psychiatrist does this after he finds a safe way to do this. There is a lot of distrust that needs to be repaired. I felt good, happy, and valuable. Until today… evil looks, evil messages from my colleagues.
All of whom feel that I have betrayed them by not informing them. But how could I? My priority is always my patient. But my colleagues think I’m the jerk because I didn’t involve them… I don’t know anymore… what do you guys think…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get out of there. I’m serious. If you can find a way to transfer or just altogether move, do it. There are many psych wards, retirement homes, family-owned clinics…etc. that abuse their patients. It’s the sad truth of the world that we live in.
You have found one of those clinics. The environment you are describing sounds eerily similar to some I read about online recently. Some staff like to band together to extort and steal from the patients because the patients either A: Don’t remember or B: Aren’t viewed as trustworthy enough to give accurate accounts of what happened. You probably uncovered a small amount of that extortion, and now everyone is wary of you because they don’t want to get caught.
Now you’re public enemy #1. I wouldn’t be surprised if your supervisor was also in on it, given how they immediately told everyone else about what you did. You put a target on your back, and as soon as they get a clear shot, they’re gonna take it.
Soon, you will find them reporting you for “misconduct” or inappropriate activities with the patients. They won’t help you, and you’ll find your stuff “mysteriously” disappearing. That is no place for patients, nor is it good for you. Get out while you’re unscathed.” Mogglen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I’m a psychiatric nurse and I work in a detox unit. My hospital has stringent policies on storing belongings and valuables. Everything needs to be documented and reviewed with the patient. I am in an acute care area so the unit is locked and patients can’t leave.
It’s a hospital liability thing. We also don’t allow patients to keep their allowance or certain valuables in their rooms for liability purposes. Sounds like this facility needs better policies to protect patients. It’s also terribly wrong for staff to steal a patient’s allowance or other belongings.” bloodrose_80
Another User Comments:
“”My priority is always my patient.” – Exactly. Your patient’s welfare, not your “colleagues'” feelings, is your priority and your patient felt he was being stolen from, which you proved is true. I worked in the MH field for years and it’s sadly too common that this population is exploited. It’s so easy for everyone to brush off the claims of someone with with serious mental health issues who comes forward with a concern or complaint about being abused or taken advantage of.
Their claims are often chucked up to them being delusional or paranoid. NTJ. If this is happening to your patient there’s a good chance that it has/is happening to other patients there.” Green-Brilliant-1971
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