People Want Us To Give Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Questions
17. AITJ For Wanting To Set Up Decorations?
“I work in a fairly big office room with two other people. Our room is set up so that each of us is facing a different wall.
In order to see the other people and their workspace, you have to fully turn around. To see anything other than your own desk, you have to turn around fully.
One of the coworkers I share the room with is a new guy named Mark. He started about a month ago and has some sensory issues.
My other coworker, Jane, and I were not made aware of this when he started. We actually didn’t know about it at all until about a week ago when Mark had an issue with another coworker.
We had another lady (from a different department) that sat in our office who played the radio. She talked to me and Jane throughout the day; she didn’t talk to Mark as much.
One day when I was in the breakroom, Mark came up to me and told me he didn’t like the radio playing – that he has a sensory issue and that it distracted him. I told him that I wear noise-canceling headphones, but if he told the other lady, I’m sure she would turn them down/off.
End of convo.
But then I found out that afternoon that he had already complained several times to management about the radio and that my team lead had just been informed. She told me and this other lady that he also complained about her talking, that it was distracting, and that she should move offices.
The next morning, he sat outside in the hall because he ‘wouldn’t be sitting in the room with us until (the other lady) was moved.’ He also went into another office and complained to them about her. The lady ended up being moved the next day, even though she turned off the radio when she found out about his complaints.
Ironically, he turns around and talks to me a lot when I’m working. So… I don’t know, it’s very hypocritical to me, actually. LOL.
On the same day, along with the no music rule, Jane told me that management doesn’t want us to hang up decorations for Halloween now because Mark will get distracted by them.
We’re both upset about this. Our office has a Halloween decorating contest with prizes and team photos, and every other room gets to participate. It is ONLY our room that can’t.
So, AITJ if I hang up decorations around my desk anyway? For clarity, I wouldn’t pick anything wild. I would just do some pumpkins or a couple of ghosts – nothing that moves.
And ONLY at my desk. The worst I would consider are orange string lights hanging off my desk/computer, not those that blink. I have epilepsy, and although it’s not the light-sensitive kind, I am empathetic to people that do have it. I get that people have sensitivities that they cannot control.
At the same time, I think it’s a bit… absurd because he can’t even see my desk.
So yeah, WIBTJ? I don’t really care if management gets mad. It’s about the principle, I guess.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I know Mark is difficult and Halloween is fun, but your office is required to accommodate Mark’s disability, he’s already proven himself a squeaky wheel, and it’s just not your place to decide this rule was meant to be broken because you believe he can’t see your desk.
It would be no different than the office building a ramp for Mark’s wheelchair and you placing a pumpkin in the middle of it because (a) Halloween! and (b) the steps aren’t that steep.
In other words, ‘some pumpkins and a couple of ghosts’ are NOT worth losing your job over. If you really feel left out of the decorating contest, go ask your supervisors if there is another space you could be in charge of decorating for purposes of the contest.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Mark is not handling this well, but neither are you. Noise-canceling headphones are terrible at canceling conversation! They’re designed more for plane engines or construction work. Earplugs are uncomfortable. Earplugs + noise canceling headphones will block out the conversation but are uncomfortable, and also, you can’t hear comments directed at you.
You will be a jerk if you put lights up after you have been told by management not to.
Talk with Mark about decorations in the context of the competition, though. Maybe you could do the wall outside your office? Or make the door up like a haunted house door?
But ultimately, the workplace is for work.
And the fun perks that you enjoy, like the radio and the decorations, are not more important than Mark being able to focus on his job.” Tattedtail
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
Jane told me that management doesn’t want us to hang up decorations for Halloween now because Mark will get distracted by them.
Your employer is looking at reasonable accommodations.
They are required by law in most countries to provide this. Deliberately violating a reasonable accommodation could get you written up and or fired. It would also make you a jerk. Just stop.
You and Jane might be able to convince HR that Mark’s accommodations are unreasonable and are creating a hostile environment for you both and reducing productivity.
But you both need to document every single thing and not be a jerk in the process. The goal is to convince HR that Mark needs his own space.
Antagonize HR, do not antagonize Mark.” 4games1
16. AITJ For Embarrassing Myself At My Mother-In-Law's Birthday Dinner?
“I (29 male) work to satisfy the sensual needs of my clients. To protect myself – there are a lot of creeps out there and I’m paranoid – and to allow some kind of semblance of work/life separation, I have a second phone I do all my work-related things on.
This allows me to be able to put away my work phone and feel truly off the clock with no urges to check messages or anything. I also usually leave it at home when I’m out and about in public.
However, there are times when it’s necessary for me to bring it. One of my highest tipping customers and I have a set schedule where he lets me know what time he’s home from work on Fridays and I’ll send him private photos.
The time he gets home always varies a little and he enjoys some actual conversation before and after these photos are sent, so I keep my phone on me and notifications on while I’m waiting for his message. There are times when I’ve been busy and had to tell him in advance I can’t do it that night, but I try to avoid this.
Call me greedy, but the dude is clearly loaded and I’m trying to live even more comfortably than I already do.
Last Friday was my mother-in-law’s birthday. My husband and I and a few other immediate family members joined her for a celebration dinner. I had my work phone with me, had taken the photos in advance to prepare, and had planned on excusing myself outside of the restaurant under the guise of taking a phone call if the message came during dinner.
When the message came, my father-in-law (who I was seated next to) caught a glimpse of it before I excused myself outside. He notoriously has no filter so instead of bringing the topic up to me privately when he saw a sensual message and assumed I might be having an affair, a blowout conversation took place in my absence.
When I got back, my poor husband looked like he had been through the wringer. I didn’t see any way to explain the situation and put my in-law’s mind at ease other than telling the truth, so that’s what I did. My husband and I left early after that (the mood had obviously shifted considerably), and went home to have a laugh about the disastrous turn the night had taken.
It was radio silence from my in-laws until today, a week later, when I received a text from my MIL saying that I had ruined her birthday and that I needed to apologize to everyone at the dinner for embarrassing her and myself. I said I would apologize for interrupting dinner but not for ’embarrassing’ anyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You couldn’t wait to go outside to check your messages, knowing your work messages had sensitive content, nor could you leave work aside for the duration of the dinner. You’re not a trauma surgeon on call or a high-level government official who has to respond instantly and has no off hours.
No matter what type of work you do, intruding on a dinner party is rude.
It’s rather pathetic that you caused such an embarrassing scene, and you and your husband found it amusing. It sounds like much of your family needs a smut filter to have been discussing infidelity and your kind of work or anything similar in a restaurant where other patrons are trying to enjoy a meal.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You should have set the phone to vibrate and gotten up to check the message away from the table if there was a chance of it being obvious to other people. And honestly, there should be times when you can just spend time with family and not work (depending on how long this takes).
I can see how that would be perceived as disrespectful to the family–not because it’s that kind of work, but because you can’t carve out time just for them.
No, they shouldn’t have made a whole thing of it at the table. But I’m sure you can understand why that subject material was distracting. Could have been avoided with a bit more proactive planning.
You could have gone to the bathroom to see what the message was and then gone outside to text and sent your husband a message that you’d received a work call, etc.” earlysong
Another User Comments:
“The problem is, you seem to care more about your work than you do your in-laws. This is your husband’s family, his mom’s birthday dinner.
You could have discussed with the client a different time, a different day, etc. You could have even put your phone on vibrate and left it in your pocket. But you didn’t. And if I read this correctly, you still left and took the call (which, that alone makes you a jerk)
And then you come back, and your poor husband had to deal with awkward questions and an even more awkward situation… by himself.
And then you come in and loudly announce that you’re doing that kind of work. Which, did he consent to you telling his whole family about what his partner does? Did the rest consent to knowing about your lifestyle? There are a dozen ways you could have dealt with this- apologize, say it was a mistaken number, say it was a poly situation, ANYTHING.
But you chose to just out yourself.
I think that, yes, you do owe MIL an apology. You, unintentionally and then intentionally, made the dinner All About You.
You sound as if you had it meticulously planned – the problem is, you didn’t. You need to make this right with your in-laws and your husband cause I wonder how he feels after this.
YTJ.” booksbb
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ‘everyone sucks here’.
You could have canceled for the night or asked to schedule for later in the evening maybe. Your plan could have worked flawlessly. But it’s always kind of a jerk move to check work stuff during a meal unless it is a life-or-death thing.
Your FIL sucks because he ruined his wife’s birthday dinner by making it public right then. He has no sense of timing or appropriateness.
Your MIL is blaming the wrong person because her husband couldn’t wait on the conversation and was looking at other people’s messages. You didn’t DO anything except explain since they all thought you were having an affair.
Your husband probably doesn’t suck at all. Sounds like he did his best to support you and explain without making your job public without your okay.
You probably should have told the in-laws sooner about what you do, though I’m guessing they aren’t cool with it, so that’s probably difficult. You also should probably turn off message previews, if possible, for your work phone.
I dunno. There’s nothing wrong with your work, and it would be easiest if people would get over their puritanical baggage rather than trying to find ways to hide stuff.
Good luck.” ************-6525
15. AITJ For Wanting Only Vegan Food In The House?
“I’m (29F) vegan. It started when I would feel very trashy from eating meat as a kid, I don’t fully remember the details but we went to the doctor once and found out that I digest meat extremely slowly, so I cut it out of my diet altogether.
I was just a vegetarian for a while, but I eventually became a vegan later. Sometimes just smelling meat can make me feel nauseated, and I realize that that’s probably just in my head but idk what to do about it.
No one else in my family is vegan or vegetarian and I respect that, and I can usually manage when people eat meat or animal-based products in public, but currently, I draw the line in my own home.
My family always tries to grill burgers or order stuff that contain the above and we bicker about it a lot, and I just feel like I shouldn’t have to have this stuff in my house and we could have had an event somewhere else instead, but I currently have in their opinion(they currently live in an apartment) and feel like they should eat what they want.
Things kind of got out of control when my sister (17F) wanted to room with me because she wanted to be in a bigger space. Since I only live minutes from my parents we all thought it would be fine but my only condition was that she could not bring any animal-based products to my house.
She asked if I was serious and when I confirmed yes she stormed out of the house crying and saying she never wanted to step foot in here or see me again because she couldn’t believe I was making her force to change what she eats (which is not entirely true, she can eat what she wants but as I have said repeatedly just no animal stuff directly under my roof) My parents are saying I need to get over this and bend the rules a bit while my friends say it’s my house, my rules.
I’m not sure if I’m taking this too far or not. AITJ?
EDIT: I’ll come back to the family and offer a compromise. Most animal products are fine, because being near milk and stuff does not make me sick to be around, but absolutely no meat. Period. Our houses are minutes apart and if she wants meat she can stop over there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like your sister has no place to stay, your sister just wants to leave your parents’ place for yours because it’s a bigger space. You can have your own rules about what kind of food is allowed in your house. If your sister doesn’t like that, she can stay at home with her parents.
However, if it were a scenario where your sister was being forced out of the parents’ house and had nowhere else to live, then I would say you should work out a compromise. But that doesn’t sound like it applies in this scenario.” billybobcompton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house your rules. Do I think it’s extreme?
Yes, but that’s not my call because it’s YOUR house.
Imagine if this wasn’t veganism. Imagine if you were deathly allergic to nuts. So you asked people not to bring nuts to your home and someone was like ‘oh she’s being dramatic, it’s not like she’s going to eat one!’ but then the nut oil was on the table, you touched the table, and you died. Granted veganism (in your case) isn’t due to an allergy to animal products but it remains YOUR house and YOUR right to decide what happens in your house.
You’re not going around telling people what to do in THEIR house. Like no one is going to question you if you’re the type to ask for shoes off at the door, so why this?’ archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your house, your rules. People can think they’re too much if they want. They can also decline to come over to your house if your rules are too much for them.
Your sister is not entitled to live with you, and if she doesn’t want to accept the house rules, she doesn’t get to. Honestly, she’s way too old to be throwing this sort of temper tantrum because she was asked to compromise by agreeing to house rules (like an adult would be in a shared living situation) instead of completely getting her way.
Your parents should be telling her to get over it, and that if she wants to live with you, she needs to accept your rules.” Meemaws_BearCheese
14. AITJ For Prohibiting My Roommate From Using My Things?
“Back at the end of January this year, my (27F) partner (26M), Matt (not his real name) asked if his friend (27M) Chris (not his real name) could stay in our spare room for a few days because he had to move out of his current place once we got home from our holiday. I agreed because this was only going to be temporary.
Oh boy, I was wrong. When we got back from our holiday, Matt let me know that Chris was moving in on Tuesday, two days away. I didn’t voice my unhappiness then but I felt bad because he was in a difficult situation.
Everything was okay at first, I use the word okay very loosely.
I kept walking past his room and found our mattress bare with only a blanket on it. I asked him to please use the sheets I had made the bed with but he just cut me off with a ‘yeah, yeah, yeah I’m sorry.’
Ends up not just being our bed he was using, he had nothing, it’s not that he couldn’t get it himself.
He was far more well off than my partner and I together. He just didn’t want to get it. Everything in the house was ours except for his clothes.
Within the first two weeks, he had infested the house with fruit flies because he left a bag of fruit to rot in one of his suitcases.
It took me a week to get all of the fruit flies out, when I tried to talk to him about this, the only response I got was ‘How was I supposed to know that’s what happens?’
Chris made the housework triple, I had gone from only needing to do 2 hours of cleaning a week to at least a full 8-hour day (my day off) every single week.
For example, every time he loaded and put the dishwasher on, I had to rewash the entire load. This had two factors, one: he loads cups right way up so they just fill up with dirty water, and two: he NEVER put a dishwashing tablet in. Again when this was brought up to him, the only response I got was ‘How was I supposed to know you needed to put one in?’
This is his excuse for everything. How was I supposed to know cleaning up red wine with a white towel would ruin it? How was I supposed to know that throwing your vacuum cleaner would break it? How was I supposed to know shoving chocolate down the side of the couch would stain it?
Last weekend, I rarely drink so Chris decided that it was perfectly okay to drink an expensive bottle of spirits of mine.
He also helped himself to our tobacco (like he has since he moved in). I cracked it, took our tobacco, and told him he was no longer welcome to use any of our items in the house. I hid what I could in our bedroom and changed the wifi password (I pay for the internet and he currently owes me for 6 months).
Chris told me I was being an immature jerk because I even took the toilet paper (I’ve been the only one paying for laundry items, and all cleaning products all year).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your responsibility to teach him how to function at the most basic level. It is not your responsibility to put up with his mess and mess ups while he’s (not really) trying to learn.
My friend’s 2-year-old knows about dishwasher detergent (I found this out when I found smooshed-up crackers in there, he was ‘helping’).
You have a small Chris problem. You have a massive Matt problem. Matt needs to get his friend out of your home. He’s worn out his welcome. If Matt isn’t supporting you in this then you’ll never be able to do anything about it.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner is the biggest problem here. He’s not helping you clean as much as you or at all and he let his friend move in without discussing it with you first. You say he stands up for you but he isn’t really because of his anxiety. He basically expects you to let his friend do whatever because he doesn’t have the courage to tell him off.” ComprehensiveBand586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to kick him out now! He’s going to destroy your relationship. And the fact your partner didn’t even ask you first about him moving in, shows no respect for YOU! How can you love someone if you don’t respect them? You don’t. That’s not a healthy relationship. This situation is just going to get worse.
I promise you that.” ryvvwen
13. AITJ For Letting My Wife Take A Nap In Her Own Home?
“My wife and her family are just the sweetest. Just for context, my wife and I are 25 years old, and we have 2 kids.
I love hanging out with all of them. It’s a little tradition that on Friday nights we do dinner at our house. At first, it was just my wife’s parents, but then slowly it turned into her side of the family coming over. I love it, she loves it. It’s great.
Well, recently, I decided to invite my mother to one.
We don’t talk much, because she’s very very religious, and disapproves of me being married to a woman who happens to be mentally ill. We butt heads but usually, we can put our differences aside.
Well, she came, and we did put our differences aside for a while. I was talking to my father-in-law and his brothers just about dad stuff.
My wife was next to me and she was repeatedly kissing my cheek. (This is something she does often)
When I got a chance I whispered to her it’s kinda hard to talk when she does that but when everyone leaves she can kiss me all she wants and she just kinda wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder.
Her father and uncles know she operates a little differently and they didn’t say anything or even bat an eye. We finished our football/golf/mowing the lawn and dad talked and I got up and my wife had fallen asleep. (This was maybe 7:00) I just laid her down on the couch and I got up and said bye to everyone and thanked them for coming.
My mom had a huge problem with her being asleep. She knows she operates a little differently. She said it’s inappropriate to sleep when guests are home. I said ‘she’s home all day with a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old I’d sleep too haha’ and she just scolded me for ‘allowing’ that.
I said just because I pay the bills it doesn’t mean it’s not her home too and she can sleep whenever she pleases in her own home.
My mom is being very difficult and today I invited my dad over and he said that my mom told him not to go because we aren’t ‘good hosts.’ (They are divorced but still get along)
He even came and had a great time I’m starting to think my mom is just a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And implying that you have to ‘allow’ your wife – a grown adult in her own house- to do things is absolutely ridiculous and out of line. Being married to someone means you do things together, as partners.
Overall it seems very strange that she thinks you should be giving her permission, like a child, to sleep- which is a basic human need. Mental health doesn’t seem to be the reason she fell asleep – anyone could do that after a long day.
Would your mom have been upset if your wife had excused herself to nap, rather than falling asleep around everyone? If so it might just be the views she is used to, but still. It’s just weird to be mad at someone for sleeping, especially if they’re still doing the things they need to with their day, and even more so if the person upset is not directly affected by the one who fell asleep.
I’m wondering if your mom is just against your wife. Mental health is a serious thing, and it’s very good that you can be supportive of your wife. But I don’t think this is about your wife’s mental state, I think it’s just your mother being unsupportive here. She probably took naps when you were a kid, and having raised at least one kid herself, it would make more sense for her to be understanding about the difficulties of parenting, rather than jumping to criticize all the things your wife does ‘wrong’ in her eyes.” TheDreamingKind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like your mom doesn’t get an invite anymore. You are absolutely correct to stand by your wife. It shouldn’t matter if she has a mental illness or not. If she needed rest, then she should rest. You sound like a wonderful husband. By all means, invite your dad back if he had a good time.
You all are grown people and can do what you want in your own home. I needed a nap while my in-laws were over, and my husband keeps the ball rolling. Your mom will always be your mom, but that doesn’t give her the right to dictate your life or your home.” 4fxsakes
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and your mom is being a jerk but she’s probably just from the old school where the wife should ‘play hostess’ and have everything perfect. As long as you and your wife are on the same page- it’s all good! Just tell your mom (at another time) that her comments aren’t appreciated and you love having the family over but do not want or appreciate ANY criticism and if she can’t do that – then she’ll need to not come.
Those words – NO CRITICISM. This conversation worked with my parents – I have to repeat it every few years but things are much better. It also works on the phone – criticism starts and I just say, ‘I have to go now – bye.’ They figured it out. Good luck to you!” LRDSWD
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Did Nothing To Raise Us?
“I (15M) have a twin sister and my (53F) mom doesn’t live with us. My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mom was the cause as she had drinking problems. We loved ins.
In different states and she would come and visit maybe once every 2 months and there were lots of visits where we would have to leave early because she was drinking. She moved to our area around mid-2019 and the first few months went very well until later that year when she started drinking again. Visits just went downhill from there.
Around February of this year, we were at her house and my sister and I were chilling in our room, she came into our room (she was drinking most likely) and started lying on my bed and telling me to move off meanly. I moved off and she got mad at me for some reason and started to say rude and mean things to me, she was starting a screaming match and I was about to get heated until my sister jumped in and told my mom ‘be quiet and don’t start crap.’ My mom responded and said, ‘I didn’t raise my daughter to behave this way!’ To which I responded, ‘you didn’t even raise us at all.’ She got mad at me.
While she did provoke my anger I still said something awful, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t go back, tell your dad that you refuse to visit her at all until she gets sober.
If she threatens to go to court you are at an age where your choice matters and you won’t be made to go.
And if she pleads and turns on the waterworks to force you you’ll just have to ignore it. This is NOT a healthy environment for you or your sister to be in and you need to be very clear to your father about your refusal to be around her.” Xtabailurking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take it from someone who knows well how sometimes parents don’t raise you.
Sometimes they also need to hear the truth from you as harshly as possible, though I’d not do that until you can reliably catch someone’s wrist as it speeds towards you.” LeeLBlake
11. AITJ For Banning My Daughter's Significant Other From My House?
“My daughter (19F) has been in a relationship with (let’s call him) T (22M) for a few years. My husband and I have no issue with T, he’s decent and respectful.
However, we recently noticed that some of our valuables were starting to go missing.
We came up with a plan that we will first ask my son (16M) to stop bringing his friends and see if things still went missing, then ask my daughter to not bring T for the same reason. Just so we can try to scope out who’s the culprit.
My son complied, however, my husband’s watch went missing 2 weeks later. We didn’t want to throw a fuss, maybe we misplaced those items. After a thorough search of our home, cars, and workplace, we realized there was no way they were misplaced.
We then asked our daughter to stop bringing T home, we said she can make up an excuse to cover the real reason to not cause a ruckus (just in case).
She threw a bit of a tantrum but understood in the end.
A month goes by and nothing else went ‘missing’, and we still couldn’t find what was. I come home from work and see my daughter and T sitting in the living room. I asked my daughter to come to another room and expressed my disappointment for her going against my wishes.
She said that because nothing else went missing, she thought it was fine. I told her she at least should have asked for my permission.
I told my daughter to politely ask him to leave, but she refused. I took it into my own hands and explained to T that he cannot come over and the reasons behind it.
He immediately became defensive and said I was accusing him, my daughter jumped to his defense but I still asked him to leave.
Later in the week, my daughter comes home crying and screaming that she and T broke up and that it was all my fault. I tried to console her but she stormed off to her room and has barely spoken to me for the past week.
AITJ?
EDIT; just for clarity, when I spoke to T about the missing valuables I did not accuse him of being the one to steal them. I simply explained that things were going missing and did not want anyone from outside of our household to come over until the situation was resolved.
My daughter was a month from turning 18 at the time of the meeting, I believe he turned 20 not long before then.
I met both him and his parents a few months later and they were decent people. I did not have an issue.
UPDATE; This morning, my husband and I went to our local pawnbrokers to try to find our missing items. Only 2 of the stolen items would stand out: one had a specific date engraved and my husband’s watch.
We went to one pawnbroker that is a branch, so they have a business in (basically) every town. We didn’t find anything there but the worker kindly offered to call other branches of the next towns over. To our delight, we found the date-engraved item. They have a privacy policy regarding disclosing the name of the seller (understandable), so we contacted the police and said we found an item in one of the stores.
It took them an hour or so to send out an officer to the store and recover the name of the individual who pawned it. We received a call about 30 minutes ago, turns out it was T who pawned the item. Police will be taking further action (I’m guessing they’ll pay him a visit).
Since we only found one item that was pawned, we’re not sure if it was only T solely responsible for the missing items. Hopefully, we can recover the rest and get some answers in the coming days.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either T broke up because you were on to him and now he’s moving on to his next mark, or else he broke up because he wasn’t stealing and he felt disrespected by the accusation.
Either way, I would continue to keep an eye on your valuables. There is always the possibility that your son is the one who is stealing and he’s smart enough to stop doing it while T is not there to take the blame. I would wait and see if anything else goes missing and especially if it starts happening when your daughter gets a new man, I would suspect your son.
I don’t suspect your daughter because I don’t think she would blame her own SO, but I could be wrong. If you find out it was one of your children, please make sure to apologize to your daughter for breaking up her relationship if it was your son, and to apologize to T.” themajorfall
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s your house you can do whatever you want. But you seem to imply that the guy may be the one stealing since the missing items stopped disappearing. For all you know, it’s someone in the house taking the items at random and they are aware when a stranger comes in the house they can pin it on.
Maybe your husband has a gambling problem or your son is on illegal stuff. Or maybe you sleepwalk at night and have dementia and don’t know it yet.
You shouldn’t imply people are stealing because it stops when they aren’t around. It’s easy enough to find out who is doing it. But anything other than concrete proof is just false accusations.
Insinuations and suspicions are impossible to defend or recover from because it’s just gossip. Would you want someone to hint that you mistreated children because the baby was crying in your presence? If you are going to play detective, then act like one and focus on evidence and not coincidences that may be random.” sansansa56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t want to sound like an aspiring criminal, but if I was your child and stealing off of you, and you told me about your plan to catch the thief, I would choose someone who I cared about the least to pin the blame on by continuing to steal until they were the person not allowed in the house and then stop stealing, therefore making you believe it was them and getting out of trouble completely.
I think most kids would do that because it’s kind of an obvious thing to do, so your experiment has some holes in it. Not saying it is your kids, but if one of them has financial/substance problems it’s better to know about it now, rather than find out when they’re too deep.” fightingatworldsend
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Move In With Me?
“My mom (50f) currently lives in a 2-bedroom apartment with her partner (60m) and my grandma (85f). All 3 are disabled and on a fixed income.
Recently they’ve fallen behind on every bill possible. Trying to help out a bit, a total of 5k has been given to her from me and the rest of the family.
That 5k did not go to the bills at all, as she bought a new gaming computer with it instead. She and her partner are now about to be evicted. My mom has been calling me at near harassment levels to have me house her. Just her. Everyday. 3 times a day. Last night I told her in exact terms to pound sand.
Most importantly, this woman is only now speaking to me because she wants something from me. She didn’t feel compelled to speak to me before. She didn’t come to my high school graduation, my basic training graduation (in fact her only letter to me was to say she wasn’t coming), and she didn’t even phone into my leadership school graduation.
Until now, she only called once in 7 years. I am now at the point where I do not just hate – I loathe this woman. Neither of my brothers speaks to her and have been in no contact for years. I want to go with no contact, but she has been using other people’s phones to contact me.
She is now calling all her extended family about how she is going to be homeless. I now get daily calls saying that I should be waiting on this woman hand and foot. The calls come in so frequently that I am now flat-out questioning reality. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you did let her move in, you’d probably have her SO and grandma also visiting non-stop or staying over, who knows where that could lead.
Leave the past in the past, live for you. Don’t answer your phone if you don’t know who it is. If a call is important, that person will leave a message. If anyone tries to guilt you, tell them the truth of how you were neglected and suggest that perhaps mom was closer to them than to you, therefore, they should offer mom a room in their home.
Put all of this behind you, don’t let it gnaw at you. Go do something fun for yourself.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. Turn off your ringer, for one. If you hear her on the other line or anybody is calling about her, hang up without a word and block that number. It’ll take a few days, but pretty soon you’ll have cleared out all the numbers so you have peace.
Or you can put a voice mail message: If you are calling to nag me about the woman who gave birth to me, the answer is no and never. Feel free to drop funds in that black hole yourself. All messages concerning her will be instantly deleted without me listening to them.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your responsibility Not your problem
She is manipulating you and I’m curious if she’s tried to contact your siblings. I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation and that ‘family’ aren’t supporting you. Call your brothers, I think they’d back you 100% and help you see you’re making the right decision.
Curious if your mom is bipolar? The indiscriminate spending when you know you are on the brink of being homeless. Just a thought. But again, not OP’s problem.” User
9. AITJ For Finding My Brother's Fiancée's "Sugar Baby" Jokes Unfunny?
“My brother (28m) and I (33m) grew up living comfortably. We have incredibly supportive parents and because of that it allowed us opportunities to continue that lifestyle into our adulthood as we both started our own careers.
Because of the area, we grew up in, the places he and I went to school, and some luck, neither of us ever felt like people were trying to befriend or date us for the wrong reasons.
I met my husband during my college years and we were both on equal financial footing. That wasn’t a necessary factor of course, but I think it does simplify things a little.
My little brother didn’t seem to have much interest in going out with women until around a year and a half ago, content to focus on school, then his career path.
He went on a handful of dates before he met his now fiancée, and she is… interesting. Our family is slightly wary of her.
My husband and I first met her at a family dinner, and after we left my husband pointed out how much she oohed and aahed at almost everything in my parents’ house and how that was a bit of a bizarre reaction.
I was glad I wasn’t the only one who caught it and thought it was weird. There is a level of interest you can take in someone’s home that’s flattering, and then there’s openly gawking. There are plenty of swoon-worthy things in my parents’ house that she could’ve engaged with them about, like the artwork in the den that’s gorgeous and a perfect conversation starter, but the way she went about it felt off putting.
Now for the crux of the issue: At some point over the course of my spending time with my brother, and her by proxy, she has started making jokes about being his ‘sugar baby.’ The first time I thought it was a little amusing. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging and poking fun at a difference in lifestyle like that, and I would even say it’s a good way to break the ice.
But the jokes kept happening. The more time that passed, the more uncomfortable it became. I pointed it out to my brother and he shrugged it off, so I dropped it.
However, we all arrived at my parents’ home this morning for a family weekend and spent the day together. Over the course of this time, my brother’s fiancée made another ‘joke.’ I had had a few drinks and had reached my breaking point with the ‘sugar baby’ bit as it was, so I called her out on it.
I asked if she thought it was appropriate to downplay her relationship with my brother like that, and she struggled for an answer. I told her it was uncomfortable when she made those jokes. Eventually, she left the room we were all staying in and my brother followed her. He has since texted me, saying she’s very upset that I embarrassed her in front of our family and that I should’ve just held my tongue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, as these jokes were referring to your brother, it’s not actually your place to berate her over them. This decision lies with your brother. If he is uncomfortable with them (and he doesn’t appear to be) it’s his decision to choose whether he wants to call her out on them, not yours.
Secondly, it was wrong of you to pull her up like that in front of everybody. If you felt you wanted to say this (even though it wasn’t your decision to make) you should have taken her aside to do it. This must have been very humiliating for her.
With respect, you sound a bit interfering and controlling.
You’ve inserted yourself into your brother’s first proper relationship because you happen to be ‘wary’ of this woman. Perhaps she overdid it a bit with the ‘oohing and aahing’ because she was nervous about meeting her partner’s family for the first time and wanted to make a good impression. It’s nerve-wracking meeting parents for the first time.
It’s natural to want to make a good impression. I also detect a hint of snobbery in your attitude because she didn’t ‘ooh and aah’ over the art in the den. Also, your backhanded use of the word ‘interesting’ to describe her smacks of classism.
One thing’s for sure, if you keep interfering in your brother’s life, you’re going to lose him.
So, taking all of your behavior into account, yes, I think you were in the wrong.
I also think you revealed yourself in the first part of her post. You said that when you first met your husband to be that you were both on the equal financial footing and this simplifies things. You think that a financial disparity alone is a problem, hence you’re looking to have your confirmation bias affirmed at every juncture.
This woman made some misguided jokes, possibly out of awkwardness. You might be interpreting the jokes as having nefarious intentions due to confirmation bias. If she had any intention of being a ‘sugar baby’ it would be very unusual to make this known to you and especially your parents.
Also, the sugar baby scenario is a reciprocal transaction.
People have strong feelings about both sugar babies and sugar daddies (depending on their personal perspective) but what one can’t argue about is that both parties are aware of this exchange. So if she was a sugar baby, your brother is acutely aware of this, as he is her sugar daddy.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If someone made a joke before me about how they were with my brother for his money, I would be a little uncomfortable too. You should maybe have talked to your brother about it before belittling her in public as she is his fiancee after all.
If someone with a lot of wealth made repeated jokes about the lack of wealth in another household, no one would think it was funny.
I understand it’s different and it’s punching down.
But, just because you feel uncomfortable, you are not allowed to make jokes that make everyone around feel uncomfortable. She wasn’t making those jokes in private with your brother, she made them for everyone to hear. So, other people are allowed to have opinions about it.” Mehek108
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s your brother that she’s in a relationship with; the amount of respect you give her should reflect the amount of respect you give him. If he had a problem with it, he can be the one to say something.
You had already told them you were uncomfortable with it, and he either chose not to bring it up to her, he did and they decided as a couple that they didn’t care, or he did and she alone didn’t care.
She’s likely made these jokes in private as well, and clearly, he loves her in spite of these comments. For all you know, that could be the nickname she uses for him in private. Sure, there’s a chance that he took your early comments to him to heart and had made efforts in private to get her to stop, but habits take time to break.
If this is an issue for him, they’ll either work on it or it won’t last. But your interference is not going to help. The majority of people don’t just dump their partners for their sibling’s comfort. You put your brother in the middle. She’s either going to be mad at him for not standing up for her or mad at you for embarrassing her.
He’s already expressed that he’s mad at you. Odds are, from now on, she’s not going to be comfortable around you at the very least… There’s a chance she may feel embarrassed around your entire family for a while. What if they stop coming for a while out of anger or discomfort?
You have put your relationship with your brother in danger… possibly their relationship with the rest of your family too.
So yeah, YTJ. Next time, tell your brother how you feel in private and then leave the rest up to him unless she’s personally attacking you.” HeartsPlayer721
Another User Comments:
“Super weird for her to make this joke in front of his family. I can understand why it would concern you. Without having too much context on their actual relationship, I’d tentatively agree that she is probably feeling uncomfortable & joking to break the tension but God, what a bad joke.
Can you imagine repeatedly telling your future MIL ‘I’m just here for the money’ and thinking it will go over well?
It also puts all of her appreciation of their home in such a bad light. So at best she is continually unable to read the room, and at worst she is actually just there for the funds.
Your brother can make his own decisions on what makes him happy, but that doesn’t mean you have to like his fiancee.
I think if you want to save the relationship you will apologize for this, because it was rude to do it in front of your family, whom she does not know well & is probably trying to impress.
Gonna go with ‘everyone sucks here’. Fiancee for repeatedly telling a joke to his close family that is a huge red flag, and you for calling her out in front of the immediate family after your brother asked you to leave it alone.” classicalmodernist
8. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Shut Up?
“I (27 F) am married to my husband (28M), call him Valentin, for 3 years now, been together for 10 years. We are really happy and to make that perfect we are expecting the first of our two wanted babies in about two to three weeks.
My relationship with MIL is quite good.
I don’t feel like she is a second mother to me, but I really like her and spending time with her. Also normally she is a really sweet and nice person, and luckily none of those Monster in Laws you hear about. But the truth is she sometimes makes me a bit uneasy. Just the vibe she gives me (despite her being nice) makes me uneasy and uncomfortable when I am stressed or tired sometimes.
With the due date coming closer she approached me and asked in which hospital ‘we would deliver’. I told her the name of the hospital I would deliver in if everything was going according to plan.
Then she asked who would be there with me and I told her that I would take my mom, my best friend (who is a delivery nurse/midwife – not sure about the correct phrase), and Valentin (as soon as he can come to me when Labor starts).
She seemed to be really hurt and asked why I didn’t choose her to be in the room. I told her that I did not want her there because it is intimate and we are not that type of close.
She seemed to be hurt even more and asked if she at least was allowed to meet her grandbaby directly after delivery if she is not allowed in the room while I give birth.
And that it would be good to bond (joined me in the delivery as well as being there after the delivery, me and MIL) I denied it again because after giving birth I want to have just a little time to adjust with only Valentin, Baby, and me. About two to three weeks after delivery she is welcome to meet the baby.
She then told me I was rude and that she did so much for me and I was being disrespectful to not allow her these moment with my grandchild while allowing my mom and my best friend to be a part of it. How sad it made her.
I flipped because I felt pressured and told her to shut up That it was me giving birth and I did not want to use that time to bond with her while pushing out a baby from my womb.
What do you say?
Edit for clarification: My mom comes with me because due to work my husband will probably not be there for the early stages of labor and I don’t want to be alone.
My best friend is my midwife. She is there for the medical stuff. Not for watching
Why she can’t come for 30 minutes right after the delivery?
Since I am no film star I will probably look/be exhausted sweaty and tired after giving birth. In this state, I don’t want to see people. Also, I will be exhausted and in pain.
My mum leaves when my husband shows up in the delivery room. She will also have to wait to see the baby for 2-3 weeks if he shows up in time.
In fact, EVERYBODY has to wait 2-3 weeks before meeting our baby. The only person who probably will see her before that is the food delivery guy when I carry her around and he brings us food.
The idea for 2-3 weeks of no people comes from my husband. And I like the idea of settling in before meeting people.
FaceTime-ing with MIL is an idea I’ll keep in mind if due to work my husband doesn’t get there in time and my mum sees the baby.
I felt pressured and not respected by her wanting to be there in the room or right after delivery and with her telling me that I withhold moments of bonding between her and me, and between her and the baby.
Also, I apologized for telling her to shut up about an hour ago via a telephone call. And I told her to please remember how she felt while giving birth to her son, and before that to her daughter and think about why I need some peace and quiet and don’t want people all around me.
She said she understands what I mean and that she is sorry for pressuring me.
I talked again to MIL to make sure there is no bad b***d between us. And there is not. She told me that she did not mean to pressure me just that she just wants to help and that she did not consider that I handle my birth differently than her daughter (who wanted everybody there as fast as possible).
We both apologized again. As a compromise in helping/seeing/… we decided the following (yes my husband was also asked but he ate cake and was rather quiet in this conversation – he stole the last piece of cheesecake.
MIL will get a picture or a short FaceTime (depending on how I feel after birth) about a day after my giving birth.
She (like my mum) will bring cooked food or run errands for us (if they feel like helping) but not see us (like everybody else will not see us) until my husband and I have settled into the new situation. But we will be able to telephone maybe once or twice or FaceTime depending on how we feel.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Giving birth can be traumatic, and when you’re giving birth you should have whoever will make you the most comfortable. However much you like MIL, you are closer to your mother and your best friend, and of course, the husband would want to be there.
I don’t get this new-ish thing of how all these family members want to be there when the woman gives birth when it’s a stressful and uncomfortable experience, and she doesn’t want people there looking at her in such circumstances.
People need to know when to back off!
You could apologize for swearing at her, and you mean no disrespect but you are closer to your mother and best friend and that is why you want them there. There is no need for her to be in the delivery room, and if she continues to be so pushy about it, she doesn’t have to come at all.
If she retorts you are ‘rude’ then just say ‘Okay, I’m rude,’ and leave it at that.
I hope your husband is backing you up.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my opinion, your MIL is the jerk for not even trying to respect your wishes and making it all about her. And to even have the audacity to guilt-trip you, that’s just wow (in a negative way obviously).
Although, you definitely could have worded it better. I don’t know your MIL, I think she was acting wrong but even just reading this I was actually feeling a bit sorry for your MIL since it seemed that she was really looking forward to this, even expressing that she was sad and hurt (and maybe, therefore, was saying this unreasonable things) and then is getting told to shut up.
To sum it up: NTJ. MIL is not entitled to this, it’s your choice. But getting told to just shut up must have hurt her and I am still feeling sorry for MIL (even if she was wrong).” External-Hat9786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While it’s completely your decision who is with you during the birth, it sounds as though you were needlessly blunt with your MIL.
You could have explained your decision in a way that she may have understood better.
If you have a follow-up conversation or an argument about this reoccurs, emphasize the fact that the birth of your child is your medical procedure. As such, you chose your mother to support you in place of your husband and your friend as a medical professional.
You may also need to address her demands for grandmother bonding time. You already touched on this with her but you can emphasize that as important as she thinks it is for her to see your baby – she is not the parent. As such, you and your husband and baby are spending time together before any other family will be visiting or ‘bonding’.” Mermaidtoo
7. AITJ For Not Helping A Homeless Divorcee?
“My husband’s sister is in the process of getting divorced. It’s been ugly, and right now she is technically homeless. She and her children are staying with a family friend who is a stay-at-home mom. My SIL was also a stay-at-home mom, but recently got a remote office job that pays in the mid $40k range.
She also says that she is about to start another position on weekends where she will be bartending. She is currently receiving child support, but they have not had their final court hearing yet.
She’s been in the process of buying a townhouse. We haven’t made any comments on it, but we’ve personally had some sticker shock; she’s buying it for over $300k.
She is counting on child support covering all but $900 of her mortgage. Her parents were going to co-sign, but because her father has been at his new job for less than 6 months, the application was denied. Her friend’s husband is also less than 6 months in at his new job, so they can’t co-sign.
My SIL called my husband today and asked if he would co-sign since he’s been at his job for nearly half a decade.
He told her he would talk to me about it. He told me he was not comfortable with it, but wanted to get my opinion. I strongly said no.
She told us that she can refinance with a lower interest rate in 6 months and my husband wouldn’t have been a co-guarantor anymore after that, but my husband spoke with her potential lender and he said it could take up to 2 years before she would be able to refinance.
She also only has enough capital for 3% down.
We let her know that we will not co-sign, and while she seemed to take it well, she’s clearly upset because this has effectively moved her from ‘waiting to move into her new home’ to officially homeless. She has not looked into renting at all, and while I know renting is expensive, that would be my first choice while getting settled. She doesn’t even have furniture, so the funds that would be used for the down payment will likely need to go to that.
AITJ for saying no though and backing up my husband’s decision? Taking her into our home is not an option for us as per my previous post, but if she didn’t have this other friend, I don’t know what she would do. However, I also don’t see how she could afford a $300k mortgage on a $45k salary, especially with how spendy she tends to be.
While I don’t have personal experience, I know if there’s one thing you can’t necessarily count on, it’s child support (especially considering how her ex has been treating her through the divorce proceedings).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never never never never co-sign anything with anyone that you’re not married to. If SIL stops making payments, you and your husband would be on the hook.
Doesn’t matter why she stopped making payments, could be something as simple as ‘I don’t wanna’ or she’d rather go to Disney World this month than pay the mortgage — doesn’t matter at all: if she doesn’t make the payments for whatever reason, the lender comes after you because when you co-signed, you accepted responsibility for that debt.
Don’t do it.” PingPongProfessor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are very wise to avoid cosigning on your SIL’s loan. She could afford a less expensive property, without having to have cosigners; she just wants to live outside her means, and she doesn’t care about the risk to you. Mortgage lenders are professionals at gauging who are good risks, and they seem to be agreeing that your sister-in-law is a bad risk.
Why would you argue with the professionals? Protect your assets, and let her manage her own circus.” Wewagirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t do it! She will default.
There are a number of problems here:
A 3% Down Payment is way too low. She needs savings closer to the 15-20% range as her salary is too low, there will be taxes and realtor fees when buying the place and she will likely need to spend a few thousand on furniture.
A $45K Salary is not enough. When child maintenance payments from her ex are included the mortgage of $300K will be around 5.5-6x earnings. This is too high. I’m honestly surprised a bank will give her this amount. It reminds me of 2007/ 2008.
Mortgage Payments. OP you mentioned that after child benefit payments her mortgage will be around $900 a month.
Based on this and a likely high-interest rate due to her circumstances, she has gone for a shorter-term mortgage than a longer-term one. She will miss payments leaving you on the hook.
Interest rates are rising not falling. This will make her more likely to default.
The economy is NOT in great shape. Inflation will cause recession meaning layoffs and pay cuts will occur.
Her best way forward is to rent for the next 2-3 years, pay off any debt, build her down payment and then look for a more affordable home.” Mission-Jaguar3465
6. AITJ For Telling On My Partner's Sister To Their Mom?
“I (21F) and my partner (22M) didn’t want to babysit my partner’s niece (1F).
I and my partner would babysit sometimes for his sister (16F) but it began to get to the point she would randomly dump the baby at our house and go to the mall/party. This is how she got pregnant in the first place.
Well, we will call the sister Sarah, Sarah wanted me and my partner to watch the baby who we will call Donna.
My partner politely declined this because the last time we were left with the baby with no contact for about 3 days. She left us no supplies. She called my partner a jerk and hung up, about an hour later we get a knock on the door and Donna was sitting on our steps in a bassinet while Sarah’s was speeding out of the driveway.
My partner and I were shocked that she would do this and we began to call her none stop with no answer. We had no choice and had to take care of the baby all day. She couldn’t answer our calls and texts but she could sure show pictures of her partying on Instagram and Snapchat.
Me and my partner were livid. He had to go out to buy baby supplies because all she has left was 3 bottles halfway full 5 diapers and that’s it.
The next morning we hear nothing, as well as the next. She ignored us for 2 straight days and continued to party. Well, Sarah came back the morning of the 3rd day clearly wasted, and told my partner to hand her the baby.
He refused and she screamed at him. This is when I called his mother, and within 5 minutes she was there.
All she did was walk into the house grab the baby, Sarah, and walked out as she screamed unthinkable things. She kicked out Sarah for getting pregnant and she lives with her dad so you can imagine how mad she was at this.
It was so bad you could hear the baby and Sarah crying none stop on their way out. I have since received threats from Sarah’s friends calling me and my partner jerks for not letting her live her life and forcing her to endear motherhood.
Her reasoning for dropping her off is that I and my partner have always wanted a kid and it should be a pleasure watching her for a few days and she’s a kid and deserves to live life.
She wanted to keep the baby. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If this ever happens again, the moment the baby is dumped on you call the cops and CPS for child abandonment. Warn her in advance that this is what will happen and make sure you follow through if she tries it. At the moment you are being a doormat and if you don’t stick up for yourselves this will just keep on happening.
Repeat to anyone having a go at you – she is the one who chose to have the child, she is the parent and that child is her responsibility, not yours. She may be only 16, but she either needs to step up or surrender the child to someone who will care for them properly.” Catatomical
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And so is Sarah. And Sarah’s dad. And the father of that baby. Good lord… So many jerks. But you and your partner are jerks because you did not do what is best for Donna by calling the authorities. This is not a joke. Nor is it a mistake.
Sarah lives such a life that her custodial guardian (her father) is not involved in her life enough to mitigate any of this.
He has so little control over his household that this is repeated behavior from Sarah. She is out of control. Donna is at risk as a direct result. You enabled Sarah by allowing this to happen the first time, let alone this go-round.
Stand up for Donna. Stand up for the right thing. Call the police next time – for Donna’s sake.
Be the short-term villain to an entitled, teenage jerk and protect her defenseless infant.” Hapnhopeless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The sister is too young to be a mother but it’s dangerous and irresponsible for her to be out of contact for days. I’m glad you told the mom. You should let both parents know. Someday she may leave the baby with strangers just to get some free time.
It would be nice if the family got together and helped her with rotating childcare to allow her with regular free time so she wouldn’t be so desperate to dump the kid and run. The sister is a mother but is still a kid herself. Having a baby doesn’t mature you magically. The adults around her should try to help.
Babies grow up fast. she just needs help for now. There is no point in yelling at her about her past. But she can sure use some help moving forward.
But if she keeps doing it despite some possible assistance then you need to call the authorities. The baby’s safety is at risk.” sansansa56
5. AITJ For Firing The Babysitter For Breaking The Microwave?
“I (F35) live with my husband (M37). We have two children aged 6 and 8.
My husband and I work full-time and occasionally hire a babysitter during the day on weekends if we need to work.
The babysitter is a girl named ‘Sam’ (F19), who’s my friend’s daughter.
We pay Sam the average market rate for a babysitter for two kids in our country.
A few weeks ago, we hired Sam to babysit on Saturday for around 5 hours. I came home from work first, and I noticed Sam was a bit unusually giddy. Sam got her things and left about 5 minutes later.
A few hours after, I went to go use the microwave and I noticed the inside of it was all burned and it had a funky smell.
I tried to use it anyway (silly me) and although it could be switched on, it didn’t work at all.
I asked my kids if they knew what happened to the microwave. My eldest said that Sam did magic in the microwave. I asked what he meant, and he said Sam put a burrito in the microwave and there was a fire inside the microwave.
My youngest backed him up and said that Sam told them it was a magic trick. I asked them if the burrito was wrapped in foil, and they both said yes.
I admit my kids tell tall tales sometimes, but I can tell just by their faces when they’re lying.
When he got home from work, I told my husband what happened, and we agreed that Sam should pay for a new microwave.
I texted Sam and explained to her that we know she broke the microwave and we expect her to pay for a replacement. Sam apologized and said that she was tired and didn’t really think about what she was doing. She said she can’t afford to pay for a new microwave, I offered installments but that was still a no-go.
My husband and I decided to fire Sam because putting foil in the microwave was very poor judgment and could’ve caused a fire, and also her refusal to get a replacement was unreasonable. Plus, she didn’t even tell us it happened.
Sam was really upset that we fired her.
Sam’s parents think we were being very unreasonable and said that Sam is only 19 and deserves a second chance and that microwaves aren’t super expensive and we should just get a new one.
I told my friend if they aren’t expensive, then she should get us a new microwave since her daughter broke it. She told me to stop being ridiculous and said that we’re being jerks to her daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, she should’ve been honest and told you she ‘accidentally’ broke it. It’s not like she’s a young teen taking up a babysitting job for a friend.
She’s an adult. You gave her options to replace it, and she refused them. She doesn’t want to take responsibility for her mistake, especially one that could’ve been a safety hazard if it had gotten out of hand. Her parents should want her to take responsibility for this and work with you guys with replacing it.
It’s not like you’re at fault for her breaking it.” Gilmoristic
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You kind of have to be prepared for mistakes like this to happen when you hire a 19-year-old. That being said, her biggest mistake was not telling you what happened or trying to fix it. I think that you guys are putting funds over people, and you’re gonna lose a friend over a microwave.
I don’t know if that’s worth it to you, but it wouldn’t be worth it to me. I would have simply had a conversation with the 19-year-old, let her explain herself, and then expressed that you are disappointed that she skirted out without telling you. Going forward, I wouldn’t hire her again, but I wouldn’t necessarily tell her she was fired, especially if it was my friend’s kid.” No_Perspective_242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as to firing the babysitter, but I have some reservations about the request to pay for the broken microwave.
Fire her because she lied about it. If she were younger, I might feel more forgiving, but—even then, I’d have reservations about letting that person watch my kids again.
Broken microwave, though?
Accidents happen in the course of doing childcare and managing a household, even just for a matter of hours. If it’s something that could reasonably have happened to a distracted parent—or a slightly older child trying to microwave their own burrito—I do think it’s fair to chalk it up to an in-built cost of having kids, who sometimes need a babysitter.
Or being a human, existing with other humans, who sometimes forget stupid things.
Lying is a safety risk. But in the grand scheme of the time, my brother’s friends were playing hide-and-seek, and one of them kicked the sump-pump plug lose from the socket the night the whole neighborhood flooded… a microwave is probably not going to be your most expensive casualty of having and caring for kids.
And if we’re looking at this purely through the lens of what happens at a job? I’ve never worked at a job that would have expected me to pay for damage like that. I’ve worked at jobs that would have written me up and jobs that would have warned and retrained me.
I’ve even worked at a few jobs where a sufficient revenue shortfall might have been taken out of my paycheck. But the general expectation is that workplace equipment is the financial responsibility of the workplace—even if your employee is the one who breaks it. That’s a risk you assume when you hire someone and let them use your equipment to do their job.
You can cut her loose if you decide she’s not worth the liability—and, again, if she had fessed up? Even my worst jobs would not have fired somebody over the cost of a microwave. I’ve seen people get fired over the cost of a misfuel. Or once, memorably, over the cost of subsequent litigation, after someone’s unsupervised kid ate a cookie they were allergic to.
You’re one family, not a massive corporation, so you might set the bar lower, but—I still probably wouldn’t fire someone if it were exclusively over the cost of a $50-150 appliance.” YrBalrogDad
4. AITJ For Being Embarrassed Of Going Out With My Husband?
“I (29F) got into an argument with my husband (33M) tonight. I sat down on our couch to watch tv and freaked out thinking there was a giant spider by me.
No. It was a piece of matted hair he had to cut out earlier this week cus I told him his hair was matted from not brushing it. He has shoulder-length, thick curly hair.
I lost it. Not gonna lie, I went off. I know it sounds like I’m vain, and maybe I am, but he doesn’t care at all about his appearance or hygiene.
He had to cut his hair because it was matted. I had to roll my car windows down to drive home after picking him up from work because his body odor was that horrible (he works outside and sweats a ton). I asked when he last showered and he shrugged his shoulders.
We’ve had a discussion about him being depressed before.
He said he’s not. He just doesn’t think having a shower daily is necessary since I don’t. I work from home and I shower every other day if I don’t shower every day. I don’t go more than a day without showering.
I told him I’m embarrassed to go out with him.
I don’t get dressed to the nines and I’m not asking him to either. But at least shower and brush your hair! We went to a high-end hibachi restaurant for our anniversary recently. I wore jeans and a nice shirt. He wore a shirt with a hole in it and basketball shorts. I begged him to at least pull his hair into a ponytail.
All this being said, I love him deeply. I really do. But even his mom refuses to go into public with him because of how he dresses.
AITJ?
EDIT: this isn’t a consistent issue. I’ve put together that it’s a stress response and absolutely depression. You can say I’m excusing it, and that’s fine.
Maybe I am. But I do still love him and knowing him, knowing how committed he is when he starts something, he will go to therapy and continue it. I’ve even offered to start doing family spa days at home with him, me, our kids, and his mom. My sister-in-law is an esthetician so she’s pitching in.
UPDATE: his sister came over last night after I called her crying. She’s one of my best friends and has been for over 12 years. His mom and sister went hard on him and his sister offered for me and the kids to come to stay with her. That’s when his mom stepped in and said if anyone was going to leave the house, it’d be him.
She then told him how disappointed and embarrassed about him his late dad would be. I feel that way but I’m not willing to say that to him no matter what. I think that got to him though.
When he woke me up this morning to ask if I wanted to bring him to work (normally Fri-Sat I bring him to work so we can spend time together), he showed me that he’d made an appointment with a therapist. He told me ‘I messed up and something isn’t right, besides you and mama being sick, we’re the most stable we’ve been in years so I didn’t think I had any reason to be depressed but I think I am.’ I told him to add a psych appointment to it and he said he will talk with his therapist and ask for a recommendation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and maybe it’s time to stop sugarcoating things and start being this blunt all the time. I can’t imagine this is pleasant for you, he has to smell so nasty in bed that close to you. I’m trying to imagine how dirty the sheets are on his side if he has a manual job outside and doesn’t shower.
At a certain point, I worry you’re just enabling it. You deserve better than a spouse who stinks so bad he puts his job at risk.
I’d seriously stop giving him a ride, sharing a bed with him, doing any of his laundry, being intimate with him, and going out in public with him, until he made an effort.
I think he probably has some kind of mental illness, but if he remains in denial and refuses to get help, there’s not much else you can do except refuse to tolerate it anymore.” galaxysucculent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t go anywhere with him. I definitely wouldn’t want to sleep in the same bed less known to have relations with him if he smells that bad.
Has he always been like this? If not, when did this start? If he’s always had hygiene issues..then your complaints are lackluster because you knew this was the way that he is. If this just came on all of a sudden, then he may need some counseling. Either way… no outings, no sleeping in the same bed, and no tango dancing, so to speak until he showers, brushes his hair, brushes his teeth, cleans all orifices.” Trice316
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one I think because you sounded a bit rude but you had good intentions.
The hair thing was a little bit rude in my opinion since him having messy or matted her isn’t really hurting anyone (though I do think you’re right to warn him that it will fall out if he doesn’t care for it), but him not showering for days and stinking?
Unhygienic and gross.
If I were in public and I saw someone with matted hair I wouldn’t care much, that’s why I think that part was unnecessary, but if I were in public and someone reeked because they haven’t been showering, suddenly that environment becomes quite uncomfortable to me and others around because of the horrid smell.
Even though he says he’s not your husband may be depressed or be suffering with someone similar, it seems he has quite an issue with caring for his hygiene, I think it would be worth seeing a professional about, but is shaming him in such a way the right way to approach him about this and encourage him to seek help?
I’m going to say NTJ because I think your intentions are very good here and you were trying hard to help him get himself together, but you are close to being the jerk for shaming him when he may be in a bad way (even if neither of you knows it yet).” MamzYT
3. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister's Husband For Representing My Ex In Our Divorce?
“I asked my ex for a divorce two months ago and I found out a week later that my sister’s husband was going to be his solicitor.
I wasn’t completely surprised as my ex has helped his career a lot but I was still hurt when my sister told me.
I’ve avoided him since finding out but my parents invited everyone over for dinner and I missed them so I went. I tried really hard to bite my tongue but he kept referring to me as my ex’s wife and told me that if he was me, he would stay married because I was going to lose a lot if I divorced my ex.
I ended up telling him he was a real piece of work in front of everybody, including his daughters.
My sister got angry at me for saying that in front of her daughters but I was so mad I told her I didn’t care because he was a jerk so now she’s mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were correct in your statement.
That said, you need to start protecting yourself – like yesterday. Stop ALL communication with your sister and BIL. One of the reasons that your ex chose him as his lawyer is because BIL has access to spy on you. Talk about moving, you are abandoning him.
Talk about what you are willing to settle for equals their offer in court. You having a bad day becomes she was unhinged and ranting and raving. Do not give them any access to what is happening in your life.
Do not discuss the situation with your parents. They are in a tough position and you don’t want them to tell your sister stuff or make them pick sides.
I’m not telling you to go no contact, but do not discuss your marriage with them.
Seek therapy. A therapist is someone that will let you talk freely and give you a third-party POV. Start a new hobby. Go out with your friends or make new friends. Your future is wide open.” sbucks2121
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A lawyer but not providing legal advice… Your BIL acting for your ex is a huge conflict of interest and his actions at dinner are unethical, to say the least. Do not socialize or engage with your BIL at all, and unfortunately, you should limit contact with your sister until you speak with your own lawyer.
And consider reporting your BIL to the governing law society – they usually have a complaint line you can contact by phone or email. I can’t believe your BIL would jeopardize his license like this – it’s ridiculous and reckless. Why wouldn’t he just provide a referral? What kind of lawyer is he? I’m going to laugh if he is some corporate lawyer moonlighting as a one-off divorce lawyer.
Also, I’m sorry you are going through such a stressful time. I hope you get through the divorce as soon as possible and can leave this behind you so you can move forward with the next (and better) chapter of your life.” Old-Tension-123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for yelling at your brother-in-law for making family dinner into an awkward interrogation of, ‘I told you so’ about an ongoing legal situation.
You had an argument with your husband, flippantly yelled out that you want a divorce without having any plans to back that up, want full custody of the kids, and can’t find a lawyer because you haven’t met one you ‘liked enough’ yet (aka won’t just tell you what you wanna hear, that you’ll get full custody of your kids and it will be done quickly), you want to keep your kids away from their father because you’re ‘not happy and we got married too young’, your parents are concerned this is the result of post-partum depression, you admit you have cold feet about this whole situation and are not 100% on divorce since it was just something you blurted out during a fight.
Lady, you gotta wake up. This is not realistic. Please carefully consider your next moves. If I were your husband I wouldn’t take you back anyway because there’s no trust there after something so irrational and hurtful, but if you have cold feet about a threat you made in the heat of the moment then maybe you shouldn’t dig your heels in for no reason.” Glock0Clock
2. AITJ For Answering My Friend's Partner Honestly?
“My best friend Nick (22M), his partner, Marta (22), and I (21M) were hanging out in his basement after smoking a bowl together. She asked him unprompted, ‘Babe, do you think I’m fat?’ Nick, being the dutiful SO, responded ‘Of course not, babe.’ She then turned to me and asked, ‘OP, do you think I’m fat?’
Now here’s the thing. I strive to be a very candid person. I will not hesitate to speak my truth because I believe it is almost always better, to be frank with people than to tiptoe around what you actually feel. In my experience, avoiding the truth often leads to confusion and/or pain.
Of course, I don’t wanna be a jerk so if I’m going to say something that I think could be taken poorly I try to be as nice as possible while also remaining candid.
Back to the basement. I don’t find Marta very fat. I definitely wouldn’t call her obese or anything, but a little chubby?
Yes. I knew if told her this directly she’d probably get upset, so I asked her in response, ‘Do you want my honest opinion?’ She said she did, so I gave it. My exact words were, ‘I’d like to preface this by saying that it in no way affects how I view you as a person.
I don’t think that weight is a good measure of who someone is. That being said, a little bit yes.’ She got really quiet and it was kinda awkward. I was about to leave anyway so I went home soon after.
Later, Nick texts me and says I really upset Marta and I owe her an apology for what I said.
I don’t think I did anything wrong. The way I see it, she asked for my honest opinion and I gave it. Just because she didn’t like what my opinion was doesn’t mean I was wrong to give it. Fishing for compliments doesn’t always go the way you want it to.
I’ve gone to other impartial friends (both men and women) to get their opinions and they’ve been pretty split, so I’m asking, AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, as a chubby woman myself. I don’t get why she got offended. It’s a fact, she is chubby, so what?
Get it together, a tall person wouldn’t be offended if they were called tall.
A fat person is the same thing, people need to stop equating fat to stuff like ugly or dumb or whatever. It’s like if she asked OP if she was brunette and he said yes then she got offended.
My opinion would have been different if the situation was different. Ex: I know a guy who will constantly make jabs at my weight like if I say I lost the bus and now I need to walk to my destination, he will answer ‘well, it’s good for you, you need the walk’ But this case was totally different, she literally asked OP his opinion.
And different people have different opinions about what chubby and fat is.” DandelionSpell
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’.
She asked a question she wasn’t prepared to hear an honest answer for.
You for your commitment to being ‘candid’ and yet pretending to be shocked that people don’t like brutally candid language.
Him for being further involved instead of de-escalating or removing himself from the fight.
I hate questions like ‘how old do you think I am?’ or ‘how much do you think I weigh’ so I refuse to participate in those games.
It would have suited all of you better and been more authentic to say ‘I don’t think weight has anything to do with who you are, therefore I have no option’ OR ‘I don’t like questions like that, let’s talk about something else’.
The question has no ‘good’ answer, so instead of playing along you both should have redirected and refused to engage.” thejexorcist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She set you up, dude. Even if you’d had the ‘proper’ response, she’d have found a way to twist it. To be honest, Marta’s the jerk but Nick seems to not be bothered by a girl who seeks validation from other guys when he’s sitting right there, so I’m not sure how that dynamic is going to play out in a few months.
He could’ve immediately stopped this by looking directly at her and asking her WHY she needed to hear a comment on her body from you. You gave as even-handed of a response as you could when asked for candor. You literally tried to avoid saying something hurtful, and her desire for a compliment backfired. That’s not on you.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. That’s a highly inappropriate question to ask anyone, especially in this kind of intimate setting. On the other hand ‘fat’ is relatively based on societal standards and the appropriate answer was ‘that’s a weird question I’m not answering because it’s highly inappropriate and societal standards of body image are constantly changing.’ Your ‘wanting to be truthful’ is only actually hurtful.
There are ways to navigate social settings without hurting people. Don’t be a jerk just because you can.” User
1. AITJ For Breaking Down Over Pillows?
“I (f15) and my sister (f18) don’t get along. She is always stealing my things and never returning them or she gives them back damaged. Because of this, I’ve installed a lock on my door, and I don’t allow her in my room ever, especially when I’m not here.
It’s important to know that my sister has a photo wall in her bedroom, where I feature in a couple that I’ve asked her to take down many times.
She also has photos of me on social media that she won’t remove. (I am very careful of photos of me online.)
Last week, my sister threw a party while I was staying at a friend’s house. I said she wasn’t to touch any of my things and I also said this to my parents.
She said she wouldn’t so I left.
When I got home on Saturday, our shared area was a mess, my cat, who she was supposed to look after, hadn’t had a litter cleanup/change and had no water, and my room was a mess. I was obviously angry, but I tried to be civil and asked her to clean up our shared area and not to go into my room again.
She said that the door was open for the cat to go in so I left it at that.
When I was getting into bed that night, I noticed my pillows were missing. (I didn’t notice before because my room had been messed up.) I looked all around my room and couldn’t find them.
I went out to our shared area and saw them behind a mattress, where one of her friends had slept. The cover was still on, they were dirty and smelt horrible.
(I admit I did overreact a bit)
I started crying from anger, throwing things at my walls, and screaming. (Our rooms are at the other end of the house from my mother’s room and she was at a party that night.) I was and still am so tired of her taking my things and not cleaning up after herself.
I stormed into her room and started taking down any and every photo that included me. It didn’t matter how old, my contribution was or how I looked. I took all the photos, which were about 30-40, and hid them in my room.
The next morning she had gotten home and told my mum what happened. I was told to give them back, but I refused. I said as long as I was in them, they aren’t going up.
She lost and started tearing my room apart looking for them. I said I’d give them back if she got out. She stood outside the door and waited, but instead, I just locked the door. She started crying harder and went to her room.
My mum is calling me a jerk because I went into her room without permission and took something of hers.
I pointed out she did that with my pillows, but she said that I could easily change the covers. I said I’m sick of having to do everything for her and that just because it’s her last year of school, doesn’t mean she gets to be even more entitled.
My mum currently isn’t talking to me.
I started to wonder if maybe I am in the wrong, but I’m not sure so AITJ?
EDIT: My sister is the type of person who is never wrong and can turn any conversation into an argument within seconds, so it’s easier to just agree with her if it doesn’t seem like a big problem.
(No it’s not a perfect solution, but it’s the easier solution.) I talked to my mum about the full situation and how this has been going on for years, and she now understands and is upset with my sister.
I might be overreacting about a couple of pillows being taken. Although I agree that I did overreact, it wasn’t over pillows.
My reaction was to the constant distrust and disrespect I experience from my sister. She has been taking my belongings from my room and never returning them ever since we were kids. At that moment, I snapped.
My sister will be moving out in February next year, so I think it will be best to avoid her until then and let her have her fun while she can.
I have a plan for the photos, but I’m not sure when the right time to do it is.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, can’t lie I do not miss this part of growing up at all.
You’re definitely NTJ for being angry that your sister is constantly messing with your things, or at the very least not really respecting your property.
I’m going to now take a leap here and say that the pillows really aren’t comparable to the pictures of you and your sister (plus whoever) together. Your sister does sound very much like careless and possibly more selfish than the average individual. But she didn’t do what she did out of malice, more of a lack of consideration.
It sounds like you took the pictures specifically to hurt her as revenge. An eye for an eye would’ve been to take her pillows instead. But you kinda went for the kill with those photos, the punishment was disproportionate to the crime is all I’m saying.
It’s rough being a teenager, and it’s rough having siblings too, but normally you grow out of it.
You’ll find out later on if this is the kind of person your sister is going to be permanently, or if is just a dumb phase.
In summation, for taking the pictures in the middle of your tantrum and tricking your sister into thinking you’d give them back (that made me chuckle though), YTJ kinda.
But for the whole situation, your sister’s the jerk, hands down.” Jazzlike-Limit-6795
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This whole thing is a mess. The pictures on social media, I understand, but in her private room, I don’t really see how that’s an issue, I guess? Do you mind explaining that? She sucks the most for taking your stuff, but you throwing things at the wall, along with doing the same thing she does to you, wasn’t gonna make anything better.
Your mom was correct about being in her room that you shouldn’t have gone in, but she should have stepped in long ago when these issues first started happening, so she doesn’t really have a leg to stand on.
I understand how your mom doesn’t want to get into it with your sister in her last year of school and wants her to have the perfect last year of high school, but she still needs to be held responsible for her actions, no matter what.
Just because she’s about to move on to further education/plans and is 18 doesn’t mean she can do whatever she wants, and your mom needs to start handling it. Ultimately, your sister needs to get herself together and learn some boundaries, your mom needs to learn that she can’t always take your sister’s side and help enforce the social media and taking your things boundaries, and you need to learn better coping mechanisms for when things like this happen because while throwing things may feel good at the moment, it’s not the right course of action to take, can guarantee you won’t feel better afterward.” Striking_Ad_6573
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, every time she pushes your boundaries just take something absolutely ridiculous but really hard to be blamed for in an argument. I used to do it with my sister when she accused me of stuff in front of our mom, and it worked really well for me.
Steal one of her shoes, not both shoes, just one singular shoe, and bring it to school or a friend’s place and throw it in the garbage.
When she comes in asking/demanding where the shoe is, you deny everything, I mean, why would you take just one of her shoes? She can search your room too if she doesn’t believe you. Not gonna find it since it’s already gone, though.” Current_Difficulty88
Another User Comments:
“‘I started crying from anger, throwing things at my walls and screaming.’
Ah, the joys of not yet having a fully developed brain or years of experience regulating your emotions. Luckily, it will pass. Your sister shouldn’t have borrowed your pillows without asking, but she borrowed them for a guest so they wouldn’t be uncomfortable. She should have then cleaned them and returned them. But you were way out of line with how you reacted. You not only threw a screaming temper tantrum, you then stole objects of great sentimental value from her and have no intention of giving them back.
Everyone sucks here, but right now, you do more than her in this situation.” themajorfall
