People Get Worried Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Wanting My Friends To Babysit Instead Of My Partner's Sister?
“My partner (m29) and I (f30) are having our first child together due this month. We had been casual friends for a couple of years but only hung out occasionally and didn’t know each other’s families.
We made our relationship official last year and I got pregnant soon after that. On most fronts our relationship is great and we see eye to eye on most everything.
My partner’s family is small and he’s super close with his mom (f50?) and his sister (f38).
I have met his mom a handful of times but she lives a pretty busy life running church events, community fundraisers, etc. So she has not had a lot of extra time. His sister I only met once in our whole relationship for all of 10 minutes when she was leaving my partner’s house as I was coming over.
My partner says she talks all of the time about how excited she is for the baby and can’t wait to babysit and take baby places etc. But she has never made an effort to spend time with me so I can get to know her.
I always found this odd and have asked my partner why we haven’t all hung out but he just says he’ll ask her when she’s free although she’s also pretty busy. She doesn’t live far from me and lives with her husband and stepchild who is 18.
So here’s the incident. My dad is getting remarried next month. He is getting married in his fiancée’s hometown which is a 7-hour drive away from us. My baby will be too little to travel or be around so many people so my partner and I agreed she should stay here.
And yes my partner is going with me because he and I are both part of the ceremony as he is close to my dad. I told my partner on Sunday that I had asked my two best friends to watch the baby for the weekend we were away.
They agreed and are happy to do it.
My partner said he assumed we would ask his sister to babysit. That his sister is family and she was looking forward to the opportunity. I told him that I just don’t feel comfortable with that since I don’t know her.
My partner got insulted and said but HE knows her and trusts her with his (and the baby’s) life. We went back and forth with reasonings- mine being she hasn’t made an effort to get to know me my entire pregnancy, but my friends have invited my partner to dinner with them on multiple occasions, etc. My partner repeated that if I trusted him, and he trusted his sister, that should be good enough.
He then asked me if he could set up times for his sister and me to spend time together, especially after the baby is born to build up trust for her to watch our baby by the wedding. I responded that it wasn’t enough time and she should have made the effort way before I was due to give birth in a couple of weeks.
He then accused me of choosing my friends over his family to be petty and called me ridiculous for not even giving her a chance to make up for it in the next 6 weeks. AITJ for not budging on having my friends watch the baby instead of his family?”
Another User Comments:
“I guess I’m in the minority, NTJ. The sister has only been around you for 10 minutes? If she hasn’t made an effort to get to know you, how much of an effort would she make to take care of your newborn? Laundry seems a lame excuse not to have dinner with y’all.
And the casino part seems like she could be dishonest. Unless they finished the laundry and went out after. Anyway, I agree that postpartum is not the best time to get to know someone! What if you don’t feel comfortable having her take care of the baby after being around her?
That would be even more awkward to “uninvite” her to watch the baby. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one thing, just straight up, being separated from your baby is WAY different for a postpartum mom than it is for a dad. And idc if people hate on me for saying that.
It’s a brain chemistry thing. You feel way more intensely intertwined. And YOU need to feel comfortable and safe with who has YOUR baby. People who make ZERO effort to know you, cannot make you feel trust for them. You need to know your baby is not only generally safe but that the boundaries you have around their care are being respected. And how can you be with someone you don’t know?” HorrorPineapple
Another User Comments:
“Either this is fake, or honey, you have no idea what reality is. You will be four weeks postpartum. What makes you think you’ll be ready to travel that far away for a wedding when your lady parts won’t even be fully healed yet?
You’ll be so fatigued and running out of energy so fast, you’ll swear you have the flu. And you think you’re going to walk away from a newborn and go gallivanting off to a wedding.” Limerase
18. AITJ For Telling My Entitled Sister She Needs To Marry Rich?
“I know this is going to sound bad but there is I don’t know any way else to explain it. For a little background I, 23 male, and my sister, 25, were treated very differently. We come from a wealthy background, but she benefits more than I ever will and I’m okay with that.
My sister likes to stop by on occasion mostly to stir the pot. Usually, this happens when she is bored so not that often. A little on my sister. She graduated from school but never went to college. Which is fine. Lots of people can have a great life without a college education.
I don’t think she has ever worked a day in her life. That’s beneath her or she expects to make $200,000.00 a year at the start. Let me know how that goes.
I was working on first-of-the-month stuff (bills) and she was more or less just doing her thing by reminding me that our parents left her everything, and she was the favorite.
At a certain point, I finally asked her what her point was. I told her that these things are things that I already know and that she has reminded me about regularly. And these are problems I don’t want to deal with.
She didn’t like my response.
But it did make her think for a minute and she responded with “What problems are you talking about?”
I responded saying “Give it up. I know more than you think I do. Mom and Dad owe money. At least the last I know they did.
I may have been gone for a while, but I do remember hearing them talk about what they owe on the houses and cars and everything else. I told her that she needs to hope they have enough life insurance to keep her afloat and pay off the debts.
She responded, “I’m sure that they have all that figured out.”
I was just annoyed at this point I left it with okay. I hope you are right. But to make sure that you are taken care of I would start looking for a rich husband now.
That way you can make sure you have what it takes to keep up with your vacations and shopping trips.”
That caught her off guard, but came back with “Do you have such little faith in me?”
Again I laid it all out to her and told her she has no experience, no education past high school, and if mom and dad were to pass tomorrow she would stuck with a lot of debt, and if she wanted to keep up with everything she was going to need to figure out how to pay for it all.
She called me a jerk. She finally left and went back to our parents who then called me asking why I was being so mean. I explained everything to them. I told my parents how they set her up for failure and I was just really tired of her feeling the need to remind me how she’s the favorite and I’m just a piece of trash to all of them.
So AITJ for telling my sister for telling her she needs to marry rich to ensure her survival?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there is a reason they say the truth hurts. When you have to acknowledge your shortcomings it makes you think about the future.
She has nothing going for her and your parents failed to instill into her that she should not be counting on their deaths to survive for the rest of her life.” No-Independence6018
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It didn’t sound all that harsh to me. I know what it’s like to be attached to someone who has no idea how to budget, pay bills, or plan.
It’s not about how much education you have a certificate for. It’s about if you have the experience to figure it all out (and the drive, which it sounds like she lacks). Your parents aren’t doing her any favors.” SubjectBuilder3793
17. AITJ For Insisting Guests Put The Toilet Lid Down Before Flushing In My Mom's House?
“I am 23F and I live with my mom and her partner. When I moved in with my mom I had been working a factory job for two years and had to quit because she lived too far.
She told me it didn’t matter and she just wanted me to live with her again. I never got to stay with her for more than a few months at a time as a kid because she was constantly on substances. Now she is clean and I’m very proud of her.
When I started college she even told me I didn’t need to search for a job. She was okay with supporting me because she wanted me to go to college. I’ve still been looking for a job on the side and almost got one but it fell through.
My family has never put the toilet seat down. I learned a year or two ago that if you flush without the lid down it will send bacteria and poop particles in the air and onto your toothbrush if you keep it in the bathroom.
At my mom’s place, there are three bathrooms. One in her room, one in the hallway next to both our bedrooms, and another off from the living room. When I first moved in hers was broken and we shared a bathroom. I asked my mom if she could please put the toilet lid down when she flushed. She said she’d try but might not remember at night if she woke up to use the bathroom.
I understood and thanked her for trying. Eventually, her bathroom was fixed and my mom told me the hallway bathroom would be my bathroom so this ceased to be an issue entirely.
Today we had a guest over and they needed to use the restroom.
I saw after that he had not closed the lid. When my mom went into her bedroom to get something she was giving to the guest I followed her and asked if she was sending someone to my bathroom to let them know to close the lid when they flush.
She told me she wasn’t going to do that and left the room. I started arguing about it with her in the hallway and we got into a screaming match.
I said there are three bathrooms in this place and if she won’t ask them she can just direct them to another bathroom and not the one she told me was mine.
She kept saying she wasn’t going to make guests comply with my “quirks” as she calls them. I told her it wasn’t a quirk it was science and sent her videos of medical professionals saying the same thing and an article detailing that e.coli and bacteria can be found in these particles.
She refused to watch them and her partner says I’m making a big deal out of nothing basically and I don’t need to be worried about poop particles if I don’t pay rent.
I took some tape and put a sign behind the toilet asking to close the lid before you flush.
My mom said she’d take it down and I said I’d just put another one up.
I think I might be the jerk because I took the argument out into the hallway. Or for taping a piece of paper behind the toilet because I agree it looks tacky.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And not because you’re particular about how your toilet is used. Go ahead and put up the sign, if you like. YTJ because of the insane way you approached this. The “damage” had already been done by the time you got home — someone had used the bathroom and not closed the lid while flushing.
Why did you have to turn this into a huge, screaming argument with your mother right that second? Why did you have to upset her and humiliate the guest? It’s not like the guy could have u*******d when he heard you were so upset.
Why couldn’t you have waited to broach this with your mother until after the guest had left? I don’t understand your behavior. At all.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“I have never understood leaving a toilet lid up. They come with a lid, use it. Nothing but what comes naturally and 2 ply (or less) TP should ever go down a toilet.
Keeping the lid closed discourages anyone from tossing in a f****l tissue, or a toy if you have a kid in the house, or a dog from drinking the water, or if you have a cabinet above the toilet then possibly dropping something when you are taking it out of the cabinet.
There are many reasons to close the toilet lid. The only reason I know of to not close the lid is laziness.” jaaqash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is your mother’s house and, understandably, she doesn’t want to make her guests feel uncomfortable over such a minor issue.
Longevity runs in both sides of our family and I know for a fact that none of our grandparents (great-grandmother was 106 when she passed) kept the toilet seat down. Don’t get excited about a temporary visitor leaving it up for a few days.” Maximum-Swan-1009
16. AITJ For Insisting My Dad Continues To Financially Support My Mom Despite His New Family's Protests?
“I (17m) might be AITJ and I might be a big one but I wanted to get people’s insight.
So my dad left my mom when I was 14 to be with his wife/the woman he was being unfaithful with my mom. My dad didn’t want me to think badly of him but I did. He knew I did and he knew he couldn’t change my mind easily.
We always knew my parents would end up with shared custody until I was 17 at least (from experience the judges in family court will only stop enforcing shared custody when a kid turns 17 and speaks out, any younger and they insist on 50/50). I also knew mom would struggle on her own because while she did work, she never made as much as my dad.
She also wouldn’t get child support because of the 50/50 and it wasn’t ordered even with the difference in income. So when Dad pleaded with me to give him a chance to show he could still be a good dad and he said he would do anything for me, I told him to keep supporting Mom and make sure she wasn’t going to end up struggling while he got off easy.
I told him she deserved that at least, after what he did, and that I deserved to see my mom doing well.
My dad agreed and he paid it as child support instead of spousal support or whatever it’s called. It helped mom and she went back to school so she could get a better job.
Dad is still paying that money. He knows I appreciate him doing it and he also knows it’s one of the only reasons I didn’t just decide to say forget him and never want a relationship again. My mom is also less stressed. She has mixed feelings about my dad giving her money when legally he doesn’t need to.
But she also knows this is the only way for me not to feel the need to help support her.
Where my dad’s wife comes into it is this. She never liked that my dad paid this “child support”. She never liked that I insisted on it for my dad and I to have a relationship.
But now my dad’s house is struggling a bit and some changes needed to be made. His wife’s son and daughter were in dance, football, softball, karate, music lessons, and an art class as paid extracurriculars. My dad and his wife also have a baby together.
The wife’s kids had to cut two activities because they couldn’t afford it anymore. It angers his wife off because if dad wasn’t paying the money they could still afford those things. She told me I should stop obligating my dad to support my mom because they need it more and my mom isn’t their problem.
I told her she and her kids are not my problem. She told me they’re my family while mom is not her or her kids’ family or my dad’s anymore. I told her she and her kids are dad’s family but not mine. She told me they need all of Dad’s money right now before more things need to be cut back on.
I shrugged in response. She told me I was so callously flippant and it wasn’t a good look to care so little about my siblings’ lives (only one of her kids, the baby, is technically my half-sibling).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Dad didn’t have to agree to pay your Mom to buy your acceptance and Step Mom should have spoken up then if it was a problem.
She probably did but didn’t push it so Dad’s conscience could be eased. Stepmom is just paying the price for being unfaithful to a married man and Dad is suffering for his part too. Karma is a difficult thing.” zlittle16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would speak to your dad regarding his wife’s behavior.
I would even go so far as to say maybe she only went after him for his money. He’s not financially responsible for her kids, They have a dad and I bet their dad pays child support (and if he’s not? Why?). If she keeps complaining, just tell her this is karma for what she and your dad did.
You don’t mess over good people and expect to live well. Her kids will now pay for her actions.” Nervous-Tea-7074
15. AITJ For Not Visiting My Friend's Sick Grandma Or Helping Her Financially While Caring For My Newborn?
“I (26f) recently had a baby. During my pregnancy my friend Susan (26f), was super excited for me, bought presents for my baby, and was supportive, always asking how I was and occasionally visiting me (2 or 3 times).
After my baby was born, she visited me a couple of times and even helped me bath him once. Overall, she’s a really good friend, and I always made sure she knew how much I appreciate her support.
A couple of months ago, her grandma got sick and she doesn’t do anything by herself anymore.
This was exhausting to Susan since she had to split the time between working and taking care of her grandma. Meanwhile, I had a newborn, and couldn’t go out of the house because I was breastfeeding and taking care of the baby. Susan posted a lot on social media about her grandma, she got worse and was hospitalized several times.
Susan is her primary caretaker, but she’s getting some help from her family now and then.
Two weeks ago I had to go back to work, my baby is 3 months old now. I go to the office in the morning and the rest of the day I’m in the home office.
I have to work, take care of the baby, and do the majority of the house chores. When my husband gets home, he helps me but by then, I am completely exhausted. Two days ago, I noticed that Susan had excluded me from her social media, so I asked her what happened. She then proceeds to tell me that quote, “She was posting mostly about her grandma and deleted all people that do not care for her situation.” I was taken aback and explained that I was not interacting much on social media, but every time I see her personally, I ask about how things are and that I care about the situation.
Susan then told me that she had multiple times helped a lot of people and that she is a friend who is always present, but now only two friends went to visit her grandma at the hospital, also she expended a lot of money on geriatric diapers, medicines, etc. and received few donations.
Her grandma is retired and receives an amount of money from the government, but apparently, it is not enough to cover her expenses.
While she was using the terms “friends” or “people,” I knew she was referring directly to me because I did not visit her grandma at the hospital or help her financially.
I explained to her that I had a baby only 3 months old, I could not have contact with sick people and hospitals were full of them, especially her grandma having contagious pneumonia, and I wouldn’t risk making my baby sick. About helping her financially, I know she gave my baby presents and I was very grateful, but I’m in a very tight spot with the expanses of a baby, plus, while on maternity leave I was making half what I usually make, only now I will start receiving my full payment.
I told her I was very sorry for her situation but couldn’t do much due to my struggles. She did not respond to me.
I thought a lot about it and asked myself if I could do more, but I don’t see how, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It is normal to give a gift to a friend who has a new baby. It is not normal to financially help support someone with a sick relative unless you are close (like married to them close). If there had been a GoFundMe, it would have been appropriate, but you didn’t indicate there was.
This is not a gift-giving occasion. There are no sick relative showers. If you had not just had a new baby, it might have been an occasion for taking over a meal. I get that she was stressed, but where was the rest of her family?” ClassicTrue9276
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ You point out easily the ways she was supportive and involved in your pregnancy and post-partum. You say the baby is 3 months old and her grandma got sick a couple of months ago. Does that mean she took time away from work and grandma to visit?
Did she visit in the baby’s first month? You see her posts and think of her, but completely fall off interacting with her. She mentioned the hospital visits as a visible show of support, not a literal example of the only way she feels supported. When she expressed her upset at your lack of support, you went into a who-has-it-worse Olympics trying to justify your lack of contact.
You can call and check in while the baby is nursing, and respond to her posts. Most importantly, acknowledge that she is suddenly thrust into elder care entirely on her own without adequate support while you do have the support of your husband and family” Peskypoints
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Having a baby is a life-altering event. You are starting a family. Equating a baby gift to supporting her ill grandma is nuts. I would not ask a new mother to assist in helping my ill grandma. Where is her family, aunts, uncles, cousins?
You are being a good mom. Friends tend to fall away due to life circumstances. She is making unreasonable requests.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Persistently Knocking On My Neighbor's Door To Retrieve A Misdelivered Package?
“A few days ago, I realized recently that I didn’t get the package I was expecting.
I checked the tracking information and saw that it had been delivered a week ago, to the person with my apartment number in the other building in my apartment complex.
So I went over to the other building at around 6 pm, ensured I was at the right place using the photo taken by the delivery person, and knocked on the door.
No answer. That’s fine, I figured, they must be out, so I decided to come back the next day.
The next day, there’s still no answer. Then on the third day, I can hear the television inside the apartment. Aha! So I knock on the door and… nothing.
No response. I wait a few minutes, then knock on the door again. I figure maybe they were in the middle of something, or not appropriately dressed to answer the door. Still no answer. I wait a few minutes and knock again. This goes on for maybe 10 minutes or so.
Admittedly, at this point, I was already peeved from being completely ignored, and also having had to spend several days on this.
So about the fourth or fifth time knocking on the door, I suddenly heard a woman screaming at me from inside, “IF YOU TOUCH MY DOOR AGAIN, I’M CALLING 911.”
I tried to explain that I had a package delivered to her apartment, to which she screamed, “I NEVER GOT YOUR PACKAGE! NOW LEAVE, OR I’M CALLING THE POLICE!!” I told her I had a photo of the package delivered to her door. She paused, then went back to screaming that I was scaring her and that she was calling the police.
I told her fine, go ahead, tell them a neighbor is knocking on her door looking for a package, and see what 911 has to say about that. I left and went to the office and explained the situation.
The office emailed her, along with my photo of the package, at which point she said she did get the package, but had her partner place it in the mailroom right outside their elevator.
(This is not where packages go, as it’s unsecured: there’s a package room maybe 50 feet away he could have delivered it to instead or dropped it off with the office about 75 feet away.) Unsurprisingly, my package was gone by this point, having either been stolen or discarded.
So my question is: am I the jerk for knocking and expecting an answer? I wouldn’t necessarily expect her to open the door, but to at least say hello and ask me why I was knocking. I thought about leaving a note, but I have some wrist pain that makes writing difficult, and I don’t own a printer.
I try to be respectful of the fact that women can feel threatened by men. If I’m walking late at night, I’ll make a point of not following behind a woman, of veering around a woman walking the other way to give her as much space as possible, etc. I do see how a man knocking on her door could be intimidating, even though I’m not as intimidating as men go.
Should I have given up after the first or second knock? Did I do something wrong by expecting a reply when I can hear someone watching TV?”
Another User Comments:
“If I’m not expecting someone, I don’t answer the door. Everyone who knows me knows they need to call or text.
Otherwise, it’s almost always some kind of door-to-door sales, which I hate. If I get a package for a neighbor though, I walk it over and leave it on their porch. I think she went overboard screaming at you, but I wouldn’t have gone back after the second time personally.
I would’ve just contacted whoever you bought it from. ” Piaffe_zip16
Another User Comments:
“You have wrist pain so can’t write a few sentences but have no problem knocking? I take it you were knocking with your nondominant hand? For ten minutes plus.
People are not required to answer their door or their phone. I don’t unless I recognize the number or person. After she wasn’t answering the first/second time you tried, you should have contacted the seller or your apartment office. It wasn’t the other party’s responsibility to get that package to you.
It came to her. She could toss it if she wanted. Not nice but she doesn’t work for the delivery service. YTJ” Quirky_Living8292
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t open my door to anyone I don’t know. If your wrist was fine for knocking as long as you did, you could have written a note.
You could have gone to the office after the first time she didn’t answer. You could have had someone in the office write your note. But at no point does she owe you the act of opening her door for a stranger.” keesouth
13. AITJ For Not Buying Lunch For Classmates Who Disrespected Me?
“I, 17M am currently rehearsing for a summer concert at my school.
The Year 13s (most of whom are 18 years old) have all left after they finished their A Levels but came back for the rehearsals.
When they were here, three came into a silent studying room and began being loud. I asked them multiple times to stop but under the guise of it being ‘group work,’ they got out of any trouble they could’ve been in for their rowdiness.
Then I got made the bad guy when I moved their stuff to another table in the room because I wanted to stay by the window as at the time, it was really hot and the rooms at our school had no air con. The way I saw it, why did I have to move from where I was comfortable to accommodate inconsiderate people?
They got mad and an argument broke out and one of them even began to invade my personal space.
The next day they came back to argue over the blinds of a window next to me being closed as it ‘made reading the screen on the laptop harder’.
Everyone I spoke to about this agrees it was a jerk reason to argue as having the blinds open would impede their ability to read more than if they were closed. I said I knew it was about the day before, not about the blinds and they made comments about my family and tried to accuse me of being a creep because I talk to people in younger year groups even though the only people I talk to in younger year groups are the siblings of close friends in my grade. Then as I was about to respond, I was asked to ‘back down and show grace during exam season and drop it’ after they came instigating.
I clapped back by calling out the girl who said this for being unfaithful to her partner and said she couldn’t talk about grace and morals when she didn’t have enough grace and morals to stay faithful. I went to the other and said to worry about her partner who’s been involved in shady business before she worries about me.
It got worse from here with my words being twisted.
Staff got involved and I was given a verbal warning to not discuss it again or I’d face exclusion. They said to me it was a large group against me and there weren’t enough people to corroborate my story even though I gave a list of witnesses to them.
I asked my friends after if the staff who were investigating the incident spoke to them and it was a unanimous no. My guess is because the teacher is openly pally with them, they didn’t investigate thoroughly. Meanwhile, lies about what I said continued to spread but I had been silenced.
I’m still not over what happened because of all the lies and how the teacher didn’t even follow up with the people who I named as witnesses. I offered to buy some of the people rehearsing with my lunch except the ones involved in the previous incident and now I’m being accused of still being bitter and excluding them to make them guilty.
Am I the jerk for not buying lunch for them?”
Another User Comments:
“You can’t touch other people’s belongings. Period. You have a long list of how this situation escalated and no one reading this can tell who’s at fault because we only have your side of the story.
The only thing we do know is that as a response to you considering their behavior in a public space inappropriate, you decided to handle their belongings (which you can’t do) because you felt they should be the ones to move and the result is this mess.
As I tell my teen daughters. It doesn’t matter if the other person is doing the right thing, you cannot and should not try to control the actions of other people. The important thing is that you do the right thing because your actions you control and you are accountable for.
As a result of not doing the right thing you are now involved in this petty, tit-for-tat mess. Congratulations, you get a big award for immaturity.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You tried to get them in trouble for making noise, but the staff sided with them.
At that point, you should have let it go. It sucks but life is unfair sometimes. Instead, you decided that because they were rude to you, you were entitled to be rude back to them, so you moved their stuff without permission. They retaliated by demanding the blinds be opened. You started arguing with them that you knew they were doing it on purpose to annoy you, then both sides started in with the personal attacks.
You were told by the staff to drop it, but you *still can’t let it go*, so now you’re sticking it to them by buying lunch for everyone except them. You don’t owe it to anyone to buy them lunch, of course, but it’s not about the lunch, is it?
It’s about continuing this petty vendetta. Just let it go dude.” noddddd
12. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Mom's Ex Who Raised Me?
“My mom had an ex-partner for more than 10 years.
This person practically raised me and I treated him like he’s my biological parent as well. They broke up when I was in high school and he went to jail due to some private reason. I continued to visit him in jail. I developed depression during this time so I didn’t want to reach out to anyone at that time.
About two years ago he got in an unfortunate accident which caused half of his body to be paralyzed. He got out of jail because of what happened and ever since then, he’s been trying to contact me through chats. He’s been asking for money from me, and since I feel bad about what happened to him, I gave him money.
There would be times that he would cry in front of me and beg me to give him money so it makes me feel terrible for him. He only lives with his mom under his uncle’s roof, and he mentioned to me that his uncle is asking them to leave.
Plus, his only little brother who has a family already refuses to help them.
I didn’t want to provide financial help to this person and I didn’t want to have any contact with him. I have a lot of responsibility already and I have been paying my mom’s debt so the thought of having another responsibility on someone is too much for me to handle.
With the little money left in my wallet, it’s barely enough for me to survive. I want to think of my future but the thing is, I can’t, because all of my earnings usually go to paying bills and paying my mom’s debt. It feels like I am their life insurance.
They think of me as someone who will take care of them until they are older. I don’t want that, I don’t want to be responsible for any of them. I want to be responsible for my own life and I feel so guilty for wanting it.
I stopped replying to his messages. Until one day, he shows up in front of my workplace. He reasoned that since I was not replying to his messages he decided to go to my workplace to personally talk to me to ask for money. I felt so frustrated at that time, like why can’t he get the point that I don’t want to have any contact with him anymore?
I told him already to stop showing up to work unannounced and as much as possible just contact me through chats instead. But he didn’t do it, and it happened again, so I had to lie. I told him not to come anymore to work since I’ll be assigned to another place starting next month.
So the following month he showed up at our house, I didn’t open my door, I pretended I wasn’t there. My mom saw him and asked him to leave me alone and stop disturbing me at my workplace, but I honestly don’t think he would listen since I’m the only person that helps him financially.
I feel so guilty and so selfish for refusing to help him. However, I want to stop tending to his needs. I want to completely cut him off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. This person is using you. & If you do not cut contact they will pester you even more.
I understand why you feel guilty, but I do not see a good enough reason to feel this way. Move on, this is your mom’s past and choices, not yours. You just happened to be a part of the experience. Financial dependency is not fair in your case.
You have the right to say no. If you keep not giving him/her, they will give up. But you need to stand your ground and be firm and annoyed. You didn’t cause any of this, and this is harassment coming to your workplace and home.
P.S. Be honest and clear, cut all ties. If it proceeds, take legal action (sounds extreme I know, but honestly what they’re doing is extreme too. This is not common normal behavior).” Simple_Cheek2705
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you should have told him via chats what you wrote here.
You are not able to care for both your mom and him. You appreciate what role he played in your growing up, but the stress of it all both emotionally and financially is too much for you. You need to be a bit of a grown-up and tell him this either to his face or via chat.
You are not responsible for the mistakes and circumstances of other people.” Severe-Hope-9151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but on the edge because you made it a problem yourself. >I’m the only person that helps him financially That’s why he is coming to you. He probably heard from your mother that you pay for her too so he thought he should give it a shot also!
Part of the reason why I hate giving people money. It usually does not fix a problem, they will just come back to you again when in need it does not fix their issue. If he can keep asking you for money and come to your workplace he can also find a job that suits his conditions.
Just stop giving him money! If he keeps harassing you tell him you are forced to file a police report. Do it if it keeps happening. He probably knows you are weak and will always change your mind and still give him money again, so good opportunity for you to learn to say no and just walk away no matter where he appears.” 88eth
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Was Doing Her A Favor By Walking Her Dog For Cheap?
“I have been friends with Beth since first grade.
We’re in our late 30s and have had our ups and downs. I am a very direct, tell-it-how-it-is but laid-back person. She is more emotional. Sometimes, I hurt her feelings with my frankness. I’m more of the person who will tell you the truth if you ask, especially if I have known you for 30 years, but I’m never mean, and I always apologize and try to do better.
I have loved, supported, and valued her as a friend.
Some background. I am married, have young children, and am in Grad school full-time. She is recently divorced, no kids. We live in a very pet-friendly place. I have worked in the pet care field since I was 14.
I am a certified dog trainer. I used to own a dog training business but recently sold it to my partner in a career change.
Beth has a dog that she is very emotionally invested in. I get it; however, she is sometimes a little obsessive.
Her dog is reactive and not easy around other dogs or moving vehicles and bikes. She asked me to walk her dog 3 times a week for half an hour for $15. I said I was happy to help her within her budget. For 2 years, I’ve been working that hour of my time with the drive to her house included in my hectic schedule for her.
Sometimes, she gets upset that I didn’t walk her dog for the full 30 minutes, but she also doesn’t want me to force her dog to walk if it doesn’t want to. She monitors me through her Ring. She has also been irritated recently if I’m not there at noon.
I have communicated that I can’t commit to being there directly at noon all the time because I have appointments or have kid stuff going on. I always walk the dog before 2 pm.
Yesterday she told me she will have someone else walk the dog because she wants it directly at noon.
I said that’s fine because it was just a favor I was helping her with, so I’m not offended if she wants to hire someone. She got super defensive and upset that I would call it a favor. Maybe she thinks it wasn’t a favor because she was compensating me with $15.
We never had a contract, and she just paid me over Venmo (not always on time, but I didn’t worry about it because we’re friends). I told her if I were to charge her what I was worth in the industry, it would be a lot more.
At my company, people would bring me their reactive dogs to walk for 30 minutes for $45. That works out to $60 per walk with travel time. (Don’t get hung up on prices. This isn’t a debate about that.) I also told her you get what you pay for.
Experience is worth more.
She is upset with me for saying I was doing her a favor. I am not at all upset with her paying someone else. It is her dog, her choice, so I wasn’t mean at any point. She asked, so I told her why I would have charged her more if I hadn’t done my friend a favor.
I need an outside perspective because I am sometimes too straightforward and not sensitive enough. So, AITJ for telling her I was doing her a favor by walking her dog for $15?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ With her demands and irritation she thought that she was in the superior position as your employer and didn’t want to face the reality that all along you didn’t need her money and were just helping her out for well under the going rate– which would mean that her attitude to this point wasn’t justified at all, and was the reverse of what it should have been.
She doesn’t want to own up to that, so is shoots the messenger instead of taking in the message.” kurokomainu
10. AITJ For Temporarily Rehoming My Sister's Cat Without Her Permission?
“I (21 F) live in an apartment with my sister (19 F). I desperately needed a roommate to help pay rent after my partner moved out.
My mom suggested my sister move in with me rather than stay in a dorm. She was in class and working, so she could pay rent, and it would only be a temporary situation.
Long story short, a few weeks into living with me, my sister brought a cat into the apartment without permission.
This cat was hostile towards my ESA (Sprinkle) and clawed my couch, so I told her she was not allowed to have that cat in my apartment. She called me unfair for being able to have a pet to which I told her I needed Sprinkle for my anxiety.
I told her she had 2 weeks to find a place for the cat to go and that he needed to stay in her room. My sister retaliated by getting him registered as an ESA. I don’t know how since, to my knowledge, my sister does not have mental health struggles.
She said since they’re both ESAs, we can “compromise” by keeping our cats in our rooms since “we both need them.”
I was furious. Sprinkle already stayed in my room because my sister “forgot” to keep her door closed when she left so her cat would wander, clawing my couch and making it unsafe for my cat.
I told her she had a few more days to relocate the cat. She did not, so I took matters into my own hands.
When she was in class, I got him into a carrier and brought him and his stuff to a friend’s.
He offered to take care of him until my sister could move out. This was a good friend of mine and I had no doubt he would do his best to take care of him.
I’ll admit, I should have told her ahead of time, but I was just so frustrated and knew she would try to stop me, so I didn’t.
My sister got back to the apartment and screamed at me for getting rid of her cat. I tried to explain that I didn’t get rid of him just found him a temporary home. She gave me a panic attack with the way she was shouting at me, claiming she would get the cops involved and how bad a sister I was before storming out.
When I managed to calm down, I called my mom who had already heard from my sister, saying she was disappointed in me for not “putting up with it for just a few more weeks” until the summer semester ended and she could move out back to a dorm.
My dad defended me but still said that rehoming the cat without telling my sister was a bad move, which I guess I agree with.
My sister has not texted or tried to come back and it has been 2 hours. I want to stand my ground if she tries to bring the cat back, but I don’t know if I can.
Should I? Or do I accept that I’m the jerk here and just try and tolerate it for a few more weeks?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I support you wanting to be proactive, but I would have taken the cat to your parents’.
It’s a neutral space that both you and your sister have access to. Taking it to your friend’s house, you stole her cat. I would lose my mind. She is petty AF for fraudulently having her cat registered as an ESA. In the “Who’s the bigger jerk,” your sister wins for sure, but you’re one too.” MODandANGRY
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. First of all, ESA registration is bogus. You can clearly “register” any darn thing if you have a few dollars and any phony registration website. Being registered means absolutely nothing except it can help keep your pet in a no-pet lease.
You are charging your sister rent. That means she has a right to live her life in your shared apartment how she wants. If you have a cat…she can have a cat. You are both jerks for not sitting down like adults and working things out.
You pulled a power play with your “registered” ESA and she checkmated you. You had no right just to chuck out her cat. The next time you are desperate for help with rent, sit down before you move someone in and come up with acceptable house rules you can both agree to.” Savings-Bison-512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You probably should have discussed the plan with your sister. But she was already being unreasonable, so it might not have led to a solution anyway. You do *not* move an animal into a home without discussing it with other residents first and ensuring it is going to be suitable and safe for all animals and residents already there. You already had the pet when she moved in, so she was aware. She didn’t inform you of her intentions, ok it with you, or ensure the animals were compatible.
You didn’t just get rid of the cat, just found a temporary solution to have it cared for until she can find a suitable living situation to accommodate it. So it’s not like you got rid of it for her. Your sister is the jerk here. ” pluvio_fille
9. AITJ For Confronting A Teenager Harassing A Crab At The Beach?
“I am still replaying this and am not sure if I did the right thing. I have never confronted a complete stranger about anything and I’m wondering if I should have or just kept my mouth shut.
I (F44) am on vacation with my family.
I was sitting on the beach with my nieces (7 & 8) when we spotted this cute crab, who came out of his hole and started walking sideways along the water. He was about 4″ long, so not a tiny sand crab or hermit crab, but also not large.
My nieces were mesmerized watching him poke his periscope eyes out of the water when a wave would crash over him and then continue on his way.
He started walking by another group. Some of them were looking at him and taking pictures, but then a teenage boy (between 16-18) decided to start messing with him and trying to pick him up.
This bothered me because I believe animals living in their natural habitats should be left alone, but I didn’t say anything because I figured the kid would learn soon enough if he got pinched that it was a bad idea to pick up crabs for no reason.
Here’s where it went south. The kid took a flip flop and threw it down on the crab. It looked as if he were trying to smash it. My nieces looked horrified, and because it happened so fast and I wasn’t thinking, I reacted out loud:
Me: What are you doing?!
Teenager: What? I’m just trying to pick it up!
Me: It looked like you were trying to smash him!
Teenager: I just want to pick it up!
Me: Why?
Young Female in His Group: Because he can! (Others agree)
Me: You need to leave the crab alone.
Young Female again: Who are you to tell him what he can or can’t do!
Me: You shouldn’t be messing with wildlife.
(not the most clever response, but I wasn’t exactly prepared to argue with a stranger about this.)
At this point, I stepped back because I wasn’t looking for a fight, but the boy continued to try to pick up the crab.
He succeeded and was dangling the little guy in front of his group and cheering that he got him. Frankly, I was furious but knew that no one in that group cared, which made me even more mad, so I mouthed that the kid was a m*************g moron.
I didn’t say it out loud, but it was visible to some of those in his group. I admit this part was wrong, and I should not have resorted to name calling. I went and sat down, and thankfully he let the crab go eventually.
A couple minutes later, his mother approached me while I was in my beach chair and furiously called me out for telling her kid what to do, saying I had no business telling him anything and if I said one more word to him we’d have a problem.
I tried to explain to her that it looked like he was trying to crush the crab, but she didn’t want to hear it and basically told me to stay where I was.
AITJ for saying something? I do regret mouthing the name that I did, but was I in the wrong for intervening in the first place and telling him to leave the crab alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People don’t like being told what to do and this will never change. Your response was reactionary for sure but it wasn’t going to prevent what was happening. People, especially people on vacation, care little about how their actions affect others.
It is an AH thing to intentionally harm wildlife / show no respect to nature. But at the end of the day you can’t control other people and confronting some inconsiderate kids was probably not going to be helpful to anyone” Pogo_ShinyHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You 100% did the right thing! You set a good example for your two small nieces AND helping an innocent living thing. **Shame** on that kid for messing with the crab. The mother of that kid can kick rocks. My dad was on vacation last year in Florida when he witnessed something identical (except it was a grown man) and he watched the guy kill the crab :(” Chewy-Vuitton44
8. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That She Should Have Gifted The Money To My Husband Instead Of Loaning It?
“My husband grew up the oldest of 10 children in a very dysfunctional and abusive family. All the money he made in the “family business” until he got married to me (when he was 25) his parents kept. We got married and he had zero dollars to his name.
He worked his butt off during his teenage years and early adulthood basically to support his parents and siblings. His parents sold his car and all his valuables and kept the money after we got married. They didn’t approve of us marrying because they knew their cash cow was leaving and now they had to manage themselves.
We moved as far away from them as possible.
Since then he went to college got his degree and managed to do everything debt-free. A few years after we got married his mom got into a pickle financially and owed some money to debt collectors.
My husband offered to help her out and gave her the money with no strings attached, it was a gift, not a loan. This totaled about 3K. This helped get her out of a pickle, her dad passed and left her a sizable inheritance in the following years so she is set.
Fast forward to currently, it was a bumpy 3 years for us, we have minimal savings. We were fine until one of his big contracts decided to back out on him. So now he owed 5k and they wanted the money right away and were getting lawyers involved. We couldn’t afford lawyers so he decided to ask his mom for a loan.
He has full intentions of paying everything back and has been. He owes her now less than 2K.
Here is the issue… his mom and I were chatting and she asked me if I was okay with him asking her for a loan. She knows exactly my feelings on how he was used and mistreated in the early days.
Here is where I may be the jerk because I told her I just found it sad that after he was used all those years as free labor, and how he helped her get out of her financial crisis I would assumed it would have been the nicer thing to do to was just gift him the money.
That’s basically what I said verbatim. She got upset and said I was entitled. I don’t know I am super conflicted because I would never expect anyone to give me anything for free. But after how they treated my husband I feel that they owe him so much.
He is such a great son and was treated so horribly I feel for him. I told my husband my feelings and he said he understands where I am coming from but that, that has to come from his parents to be a gift and he doesn’t expect anything.
I would like to clarify, that I would never actively go and tell my mil my feelings on the matter, she ASKED me what my feelings were and I told her my feelings about it.
I don’t know, I am conflicted. AITJ for telling her when asked how I felt.
Or should I have just ignored the question and moved on?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be conflicted as well. But she asked you how you felt about it and you were honest. Your MIL sees her money as hers and her son’s money as hers.
So when your husband helps them, she doesn’t see it as help or gifts. I think she’s the entitled one, not you.” Commercial_Bobcat508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked what you thought and now she’s mad that you were honest. That’s her problem, not yours.
Also, I probably wouldn’t recommend accepting a loan from her in general. She sounds terrible, and I am 100% certain she’ll make your lives difficult while you “owe” her.” throwawaypolyam
Another User Comments:
“I would say you’re NTJ, but you shouldn’t be letting your guard down like that with her.
She was just baiting you so she could start a needless conflict and make herself the victim and you the bad guy. She’s a jerk, not your friend, you can’t trust her with your honest and vulnerable feelings like that. You have to be careful and guarded in how you respond to someone like this.” EnergyThat1518
7. AITJ For Wanting To Quit A Theater Production Over A Role Change?
“I am not a frequent Redditor but my anxiety over whether or not this would be a jerk-ish thing to do is just getting to me. I [24F] have been doing community theater in my city since I graduated college. Because I have a full-time job on top of doing theatre I have told myself that performing for me has to be about strengthening my art while also meeting new people and seeing who I work best with.
Back in April, I auditioned for a production of Matilda with a theatre company I had heard mixed reception about but I wanted to form my own opinion. I got offered a “featured adult ensemble.” I accepted it considering this will be a good way to meet new people and have a relaxed rehearsal process.
May is when we are given a flow sheet of who sings what as well as instructions to be off-book for our first rehearsal. I checked my flow sheet and I found out there that my featured part was the Doctor (in Matilda, he has some lines at the beginning and sings half the opening number as a fun little belt moment.) I was sorta excited for that moment so I made sure that I would be ready by the first rehearsal!
**Here is the drama**. Our first rehearsal was yesterday. Every person had an assigned seat with those name tents that also had your character’s name. As I am walking in reading the names I find *that someone else has the Doctor listed on their name tent*.
Confused, I checked the flow sheet again and sometime within those two months, our director had swapped my part and the random guy without telling me. I had a different shorter solo line that I had to pull out of my rear end last minute but thankfully I came prepared so I could do it confidently.
However, in those 2 months, NO ONE communicated to me that the flow sheet would change. When we get to our break, he comes to the ensemble and reveals that we will also be in charge of set changes and also be with the teen ensemble throughout the show as well which is also not what we were originally told to prepare 2 months ago.
I wanted to see if I could find the edit history of our flow sheet but because I do not have those permissions I have no way to see if/when he made the changes. I originally wanted to find out when it was changed and email them to him and the assistant director to at least see if I could get some sort of clarity/apology.
But without evidence now I am starting to question if the part was ever mine and I misread it and should just get through my disappointment. Regardless of the response I get, because this is my first impression of this theatre and this director, I feel like I should drop it anyway just so I can spend my time either with theatre communities I *know* respect me and my time or make better connections.
The show opens at the end of August so WIBTJ if I dropped this late? WIBTJ to even confront them about it? Would it be better to just stick to my commitments and still try to find a positive outcome?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have a conversation with the casting director or the actual director to see what happened. If they want people to prepare for rehearsals, they aren’t doing anyone any favors by having them learn the wrong part.
Speak out. Then, if it’s not resolved, or if they give an unsatisfactory answer, you can quit with a clear conscious.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been doing community theater for over 20 years, starting about the same age you did. If the role changed, yes, you should have been notified. But the whole digging you did, trying to find out who changed it so you could “email receipts” to the director/AD instead of just being like “Hey, guys, I thought this was the case” is … weird.
You’re automatically taking it as a personal affront when it could be just a simple error. And the set change thing is just normal. So I’m going to go with YWBTJ because you’ve ramped this up when it’s just not necessary to do so. Also, I realize this is not an advice sub, but unless you’re in an area with a huge community theater scene (and even if you are), people talk.
If you drop now, either in a big dramatic way or just ghost them, it will get around. If you don’t want to work with this team or theater anymore, fine, but just make a quiet note to yourself, show up, be pleasant, and do your work to the best of your ability.” MaIngallsisaracist
Another User Comments:
“Having the company participate in scene changes and asking the adult ensemble to help fill in a sparse children’s ensemble are both very normal and something you should probably get used to if this is an important hobby. The casting change is the only yellow flag but again, if this is a hobby you care about you might want to******* up or at least make a plausible unrelated excuse to drop out.
If there aren’t many other local options you’ll need to get used to how this organization operates, and if there are other local options they probably talk to the production team on this show and word gets around when actors are “difficult.” Just begin out with a family emergency and don’t make it about the casting issue.
Verdict: either NTJ or no jerks here since OP doesn’t seem entirely sure about the original casting.” Temporary-Tie-233
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Obsessed With Her Former Bully's Body?
“I (21F) have a close friend (21F) I will refer to her as Megan.
I have been friends with Megan since middle school. We are close. She is like my sister. She has always had insecurities, used to be shy, and struggled with social anxiety.
She has gotten therapy and is now much more confident in public, but I can tell internally, she still struggles with self-esteem issues. She’s way too focused on her looks, to the point she won’t go out if she doesn’t feel pretty that day, or if we are going to join a social event, she won’t eat until the event so she doesn’t look bloated, etc.
We also went to the same high school. She had a toxic “friend” who used to tease her because of her looks, particularly because of her weight. Megan was never fat, but she used to be curvier. This girl, whom I will refer to as Ellen, used to tease her for having thick thighs, a big butt, and whatnot.
Since then, Megan has lost a lot of weight. She is very skinny now, which I’m also concerned about, but she says she’s fine.
Megan still follows Ellen on Instagram. Every time Ellen posts something, she shows me and comments on how big Ellen has gotten, saying “Karma is doing her job.” I understand why Megan is petty, but I think this is very unhealthy behavior, so I try not to comment and change the topic.
This time, I outright told her that I don’t think Ellen is fat; she has just gotten curvier and is not as skinny as she used to be in high school, which is normal because she’s an adult woman now.
Megan said it’s funny I say that because she used to be smaller than Ellen is now but was teased by Ellen for it.
Now she is skinny and Ellen has gotten way bigger. This is karma doing its job. Megan asked why I couldn’t be happy for her as her friend.
I said that there is nothing to be happy about because being skinny isn’t a competition. I know what Ellen did was messed up, and I am sorry for that, but we were in high school, and now we are adults.
I was going to say that she should stop obsessing with Ellen’s body, but she cut me off and started yelling, “Oh right, it’s normal for Ellen to be the size she is now because she’s an adult curvy woman and looks good, but I was the fat high school girl, right?
It didn’t look good on me the way it does on Ellen, right?”
I tried to tell her that I didn’t say that, but she didn’t let me and went on saying, “I know, Ellen still wins because adult women are supposed to be curvy, not twigs.
That’s a high school girl thing. I should have been skinny back then, but not now. It doesn’t mean anything anymore. Look, even you think that.”
I was in shock. I told her to stop because she’s acting crazy right now. She told me to get lost, that I’m her best friend, and I should be on her side, not call her crazy.
Then she left. When I went back home, I texted her that I wanted to talk this out, but she didn’t text me back.
This happened two days ago, and she is still ignoring my messages. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re spot on when you say Megan still has body image issues.
And it sounds like she may have an eating disorder. Unfortunately, these aren’t issues that you can fix for her. You can only be there for her when he’s ready to get help. Be prepared for others in your friend group to start pulling away from you because she’s likely told them her warped view of what happened, and likely embellished it.
It’s obvious you’re concerned about her so if you can, reach out to another close friend of hers, and tell them what happened and your concerns. You may discover that others in your group have noticed the same alarming behaviors and are concerned enough to try an intervention.
Good luck.” CelticSkye
Another User Comments:
“Everybody is a jerk in my opinion. I agree with you Megan should stop watching Ellen’s every move as it still affects her mentally. However, you guys are far from adults, high school was not too long ago for you guys.
So I don’t think it was fair of you to say she’s acting crazy in how she feels. It may seem not important to you or unhealthy behavior but that doesn’t mean you can invalidate how she feels. I suggest reaching out to her explaining that you understand why she feels the way she does but you as her friend want to help her feel better about the situation and move on in a healthier manner” XOXOTeacherGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she still has issues she needs to deal with that is clear you were trying to point out that just because something bad happened to her did not mean she had to live in it for the rest of her life and she went crazy.
She needs to work on herself love herself for who she is and stop bending to how others think she should be. Bullying is awful I went through it but I don’t hold on to it. If you live and all that negativity then all you’re going to have is negativity.” charmedvampgirl
5. AITJ For Insisting My Roommate's Partner Stops Refrigerating My Eggs?
“I currently live with 4 roommates. Last week, one of my roommates (Megan) invited her partner (Julie) to stay over at our house for about a week.
Julie is very sweet and I had no issue with her staying, and neither did anyone else in the house. The same day that Julie arrived, I noticed that we were out of eggs since they weren’t on the counter where they usually were. I just assumed we were out and I was planning on buying more.
While I was cooking that night, I opened the fridge and saw all of the eggs sitting inside of the fridge. I asked out loud why they were in the fridge, and Julie spoke up and said that eggs are meant to be kept in the fridge.
I explained to her that I had never, in my entire life, refrigerated my eggs.
My mom moved to the US when she was 19, and my dad moved to the US when he was 8 with his parents. They’re both immigrants. My parents love eggs and so do I, so we would have them all of the time, and they were never once refrigerated. They just kept them in the pantry until they were eaten.
Sometimes we would have up to 4-5 cartons of eggs just sitting in the pantry, and none of us ever got sick or had any issues with rotten/spoiled eggs. For reference, they would buy their eggs from Publix or Costco.
Julie seemed surprised about what I said, and she explained that since eggs are washed in the US, it’s bad to keep eggs unrefrigerated for longer than 2-3 hours.
I told her I understood what she was saying, but that I prefer to keep them on the counter, especially since I bought the eggs. I was the only one who ever ate eggs, and we only had them because of me. So, I took them out of the fridge.
I thought that it was, but the next day I noticed the eggs were back in the fridge. So I asked again, and Megan mentioned that Julie just felt better having them in the fridge. I told her that they were my eggs, in my house, and I’d like them to stay out.
But every single day, for 6 days straight, I would find the eggs in the fridge. I had communicated multiple times that it bothers me. I talked to my other two roommates, and they agreed that it was my decision since I’ll be eating them. At this point, I genuinely feel like I can’t/shouldn’t say anything since Julie leaves today, but it bothered me.
I didn’t like that Megan allowed Julie to move many things around our house (including eggs, dishes, appliances, and a few other things) without asking. She would do this nearly every day. I tried to be nice to Julie because I didn’t want to argue.
I did address it a few times and she ignored it, dismissed it, and then continued the behavior. Julie and Megan are in a serious long-term relationship, so I know she will be back to visit, which is why I want to tell her to stop.
I just don’t want to upset anyone or cause tension for something stupid.
So… WIBTJ if I told my roommate’s partner to stop putting my eggs in the fridge again?
Edit: Just wanted to clarify some stuff to help out here. It’s not so much the issue of me “being right” about the eggs.
I know it’s weird, I know it’s unusual, but it’s what I want to do with the food that I eat. Yes, I do buy my eggs at the grocery store. Yes, I am assuming that risk. And, she is right about that. I won’t deny that she’s right about keeping them refrigerated because I’ve done my research about this.
The issue is more the fact that she wants to be “right” and move things around simply because she believes that the way that she does this is superior. It’s more about the underlying issue that she does not live here, I’ve communicated that it bothers me, and she’s choosing to do the opposite by trying to make me change how I live.”
Another User Comments:
“umm if they aren’t fresh from the chicken and have been washed and are store-bought you need to put them in the fridge. My BIL’s wife was from another country and used to keep them on the counter and couldn’t figure out why we all kept getting food poisoning from her cooking.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say YTJ because when you know better you do better and you should just listen to people sometimes when it comes to food safety. We don’t care what your mom did in the motherland. It’s not safe.” sideways range
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I’m giving it to them, they are right, it’s completely unsanitary to leave washed eggs out and if you’re going to have roommates, paying roommates, they have a reasonable expectation that there won’t be unsanitary conditions. Just because you’re the only one eating them, it doesn’t mean they should have to put up with slowly rotting eggs on the counter.
If it was your habit to not flush, would it be reasonable to be mad if they went and flushed the toilet? It’s gross, no one wants to live in gross.” hardchairforce
Another User Comments:
“I assume that you eat them fast after buying so that’s why you didn’t get sick yet and you have been incredibly lucky.
You should buy a mini fridge for the eggs that don’t freeze them. I put eggs in the fridge in Europe( they are not washed here) so that they last longer.” Karabaja007
4. AITJ For Confronting My Estranged Brother About Abandoning Our Family?
“I am the only child between my parents. My mother has 2 sons from a previous marriage and my dad has 1 son from his previous marriage.
The brother that I’m talking about is from my mom’s first marriage, call him Jack. My dad raised Jack, all of us kids equally, always took care of us. My dad’s family was the only family who Jack knew, they never treated him differently, never.
Everyone was always together, celebrated holidays, birthdays etc…Fast forward twenty years, my parents announce that they are going to get divorced. Which is fine, wasn’t a secret. We were all grown up and out of the house at this point anyways.
Which Jack decides to announce that as our parents are getting divorced, he’s no longer part of the family.
He’s divorcing everyone too! The whole family who took care of him, he just decided they weren’t his family. Just like that, poof. Cut everyone who ever cared about him off, except for our mom. Which the communication between them was poor at best.
I had still tried to reach out to him and his family.
He ignored me, until one day he asked me to meet him for lunch one day, where he looked me dead in the face and point blank told me that we had NOTHING in common and he would like it if we were strangers on the street.
Two years later, my grandmother dies. Everyone tried to get ahold of him for him to at least come and pay respects to the only grandmother he has ever known. Crickets. Another two years goes by and no-one has heard a peep out from him and my uncle falls ill and passes away and this is where things get tricky.
Uncle is in hospice, very ill and Jack magically shows up! Coming to visit Uncle, talking to family members, like everything is fine. I didn’t know of this until my cousin told me sending me a screen shot of a text he had sent her.
Which in return I took his phone number, texted him and told him to leave her alone and how Uncle didn’t like him and how he divorced the family, he stepped out, he had no rights. He texted me back, begging to meet and explain.
I agreed.
I wanted him to say something, anything.I asked him what we were doing there, what he did he have to say? He said nothing,I tried to understand. Instead he let me sit at the bar and fully cuss him out and tell him how hurtful his actions were on the family.
Not showing up to grandmothers funeral but visiting uncle in hospice? (Uncle hated him, btw) After YEARS of silence. He said NOTHING. So I sat and told him exactly what everyone thought of him. Not sure what he was expecting, after begging to explain his actions to me and stayed silent the whole time.
I told him how much I hated him and how he was the worst.
Next morning, I get a long text message from my dad about how upset my mom is with me, how I had the nerve to say what I said to Jack.
Jack called my mom the next morning and had told her and complained about what I said.
AITJ for saying what everyone wanted to say about his actions and never did?”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like there’s way too little info to make a judgement.
I would say you aren’t the jerk for feeling the way you do. But it really sounds like there’s another story here you don’t know about. Some people really are jerks who abandon family, others out of anger or hurt. It sounds a little like there may be an underlying reason for Jack to have felt aggrieved and fully intended on saying why to you.
I don’t know how much you tried to find out before cursing him out. But it seems like you may have lost your chance to do so. Either he felt ashamed of why. Or it’s something very difficult to talk about. Having been in your place.
I would probably try to find out which situation it is.” Maboroshi94RD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jack deserved a tongue-lashing and he got one. Then he went crying to mommy? Because his poor little feelings were hurt? Right. Pretty entitled to just waltz in after how long?
Acting like nothing ever happened? Nope. I have to wonder if Jack was sucking up to your uncle in hopes of getting some inheritance when he passed? It’s too suspicious that he’s suddenly back. Why? Sounds like he never actually told you what his excuse was for leaving in such a cold way.
Not that there’d be a good enough excuse. Your mom knows why you told********. She just wants to brush it under the rug so there’s no impediment to him being back. I get it- she’s his mom (she’s your mom too!). But no, the consequence of what he did is being an outcast- this time of everyone else’s choosing.
His bill has come due, and he’s paying for it.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I mean, it wasn’t okay to tell him what others thought of him, but after the way he treated you by “divorcing” you and the rest of the family without so much as an explanation or telling you he wanted to be strangers, getting a dose of your reality was warranted. He was able to speak his piece, and now you got your chance.
He chose to leave, that’s fine. But it doesn’t mean your life, or the people who chose kindness toward him, stopped. But I do wonder what happened to make him make such a drastic move…” HolyUnicornBatman
You somewhat for telling him how the rest of the family feels about him
Dad for being the messenger
Mum for choosing his version over yours…
I think there’s a n underlying reason why he walked away that not your parents are aware of but are choosing to keep the rest of you in the dark about
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Family Over Constant Comments About My Appearance?
“For the last at least 10 years of my life or so, or as far as I can remember, my (20F) family’s female members have had a habit of commenting on my appearance. I would say I dress androgenously with some feminine aspects but I have not worn dresses or skirts since 5th grade simply because I feel more myself in shorts or pants.
They just make me more confident and are efficient in case I need to run somewhere.
My mom, grandma, and my mom’s aunt all share a similar style and all have this attitude of asking questions. I wear black most of the time, black nail polish, and I wear makeup only when going out with friends or if I feel like it.
I have gotten countless comments from my mom and grandma like “Why do you keep wearing black, why not wear other colors” “Why do you put on black nail polish, what about other colors” “Why do you not wear makeup” “why do you not wear dresses” etc. And usually saying “I just like it” or “I don’t feel like it” towards these questions doesn’t satisfy them as they just continue until I give a stern response.
I got into a full-blown argument with my mom when I was 16 over her wanting me to wear a dress and me not wanting to which resulted in me crying and my dad having to convince my mom to let it go. There have been other controlling behaviors but as I am getting older, my mom is starting to ease down but this thing has barely changed.
Today, my grandma asked me why I don’t wear bikinis anymore upon my mom showed her a photo from my middle school age days. I was annoyed already before this because I had gotten out of the shower and needed to change but my mom and grandma didn’t leave the room which annoyed me this isn’t such a weird thing for my family, even though it bothers me sometimes.
Then my grandma asks the question and the convo goes like this.
Grandma: Yeah you used to wear stuff like this, why don’t you do it now?
Me: I just don’t like it, I prefer this.
Grandma: But it looked so beautiful on you, you should wear bikinis, when are you going to wear it except your age now?
Me: You know how you like wearing bright colors and dresses? Same way I don’t like wearing bikinis
Grandma: But it’d look good on you, with the body you have now.
Me: I’m sorry that I don’t like bikinis (with an angry tone)
Then my mom and grandma asked me why I was getting upset, that they were just asking etc. I also have some body image issues, I have gained weight and my family has not forgotten to comment on it.
I understand the thing of like oh they are old, you can’t change their mind now. My mom is 60, my grandma is over 85. But I also think I am justified in snapping back because being old doesn’t mean you get a free pass at making unnecessary comments about people, especially when they haven’t asked for it.
But the way my mom created made me feel like I was going overboard for getting angry. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The script is “Stop commenting on my clothing choices.” Say it calmly and say it often. It’s not your fault at all, but you keep the dialogue alive when you answer their questions in good faith!
Another good one is “Oh [name], we always fight when we talk about this, let’s change the subject!” Say it cheerfully and then change the subject to something light-hearted. (Captain Awkward is the queen of these kinds of scripts!)” sweetestwindmill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would suggest gray rocking them whenever they bring that stuff up.
That, or maybe find something to throw back on them: “Why don’t you wear (insert absurd suggestion here)? At your age/body type, you really should consider it.” Repeat every time they do it to you. If they accuse you of being disrespectful, just point out that you’re only dishing up the exact thing they’ve been serving you.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But that’s weird they’re in your room seeing you get dressed. What you wear is none of their business. You’re not hurting anyone. When you get out of the shower next time, if they are in your room, tell them to get out.
Out of your personal space. Out of your room. When they start questioning you about your appearance, clothes, etc ignore them or ask them the same question in their favor. Why do you wear dresses? Why do you wear such bright colors?” Jananah_Dante
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Didn't Involve Me In Her Travel Plans?
“My partner(F24) and I(M22) are in a long-distance relationship. She’s been spending time with me for her summer break. Almost 2 months now.
When she came, we only booked a one-way ticket as her schedule was not fixed (her program is unique) and we didn’t know when she’d go back.
So, to be able to spend maximum time together, we decided to wait until her program dates were finalized before we booked the ticket back.
She was also planning on visiting distant family in Oregon towards the end of her summer break after we spent time together, but couldn’t book the tickets in advance for the same reason – her schedule wasn’t fixed.
We decided that as soon as she knew her program schedule, we’d book the tickets back for her.
One day she gets her schedule and books her Oregon tickets.
But, she never tells me. Not once does she even mention that she’s received her final schedule and that she’s booked her Oregon tickets.
As the end of her break was near (we didn’t have exact dates but knew her break would end around the second week of July), I kept telling her how I was sad as she was going to have to leave soon.
I kept asking her when we could book the tickets for her to go home since we should book in advance or else it would be crazy expensive last minute, and since I am saving for a big purchase coming up soon (we split), I would like to spend the least amount possible, or if it’s going to be a large expense – re-budget.
I kept asking her and bringing this up to her for about a week after which one day she suddenly told me that she’d booked her ticket to Oregon for xyz date.
Now she’s saying that instead of a ticket home, we should just book a ticket straight to the airport from where she’s going to fly to Oregon (which is in the state she’s from) so she can spend the most time with me.
So basically, she doesn’t wanna go home first as we were planning, but straight to Oregon so she can spend the most time with me.
I said okay, but wasn’t enthusiastic to which she said, I’m being a jerk by not being excited for her trip with her family.
I’m happy for her, but I truly am not excited, and here’s why –
I was blindsided by her decision to leave on XYZ date.
Since I’ll be paying half for her ticket back home OR to the airport now, I feel that I should’ve been involved in the decision-making process.
At least I think I should’ve deserved – “Hey, we’re planning xyz date and it’s going to cost this much” – Is that okay?
More than that, I had asked her to let me know when her schedule was finalized and still she didn’t.
On top of that, I spent a whole week trying to ask her when she was planning to leave but despite knowing her ticket to Oregon was booked and she had a hard deadline to leave on XYZ date, she didn’t tell me.
She’s saying I am overreacting and that she just “forgot” to tell me, but I am truly hurt. It feels like my feelings haven’t been considered at all.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You keep saying “we” to things that essentially only involve her.
Yes as a partner you do things together but the excessive “we”s to things that are somehow irrelevant to you makes me feel you are being a little over-controlling. Also, you knew she was going to Oregon, so What’s the difference if she goes straight there or home first?
I feel her secrecy could be her way of reacting to your pestering, especially because you’re paying half and want a say in how she goes about everything.” Simple_Cheek2705
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. This has nothing to do with money because she booked the ticket at the earliest date.
This is 100% about control. I’m gonna guess this is the longest you two have spent together, am I right?? She didn’t tell you because after two months she’s figured out who you are. I’d bet she didn’t even ask you for the money because she doesn’t want it.
After all, this relationship is over. I hope for her sake that I’m right.” TheFishermansWife22
Another User Comments:
“After rereading your post multiple times, I can see both sides. You are not being a jerk for wanting to know the price and when she is leaving so enjoy your time.
Tickets are not cheap, so those early buys do save money. However, I can see you being a jerk when she did finally tell you. She was excited about being able to go home and see family. People can get forgetful from being overwhelmed with feelings.
When you said you doubted that her mother and sister bought her ticket, can you say for certain? Maybe now you two should write out an agreement about splitting flight costs to avoid this from happening again.” Artistic_Cod3790
1. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Quit His Dream Job Because It Doesn't Pay Enough?
“So I (32F) and my husband (29M) live in an area with an extremely high cost of living.
I work a job that pays decently well, which is kind of necessary to live where we do. My husband worked a job for years that paid less than mine did but was okay overall, though he hated working there.
Around October of last year, my husband managed to get a job in his dream career field.
He had been working at it for years and was excited about finally getting there. However, it’s come with
The big issue is, that the pay in his field is abysmal. He works as a freelancer (which is standard in his industry) so his job has zero benefits, and it’s a pretty significant pay cut from his old job.
We don’t have combined finances, and after he took the new job, we had to rearrange how we pay for things to account for his lower income. Previously, he had covered a slightly larger percentage of the expenses due to me having student loans to pay off while he didn’t.
As it is now, I have to be the breadwinner since his income was halved, paying for a larger portion of the expenses.
I sat him down recently and told him I felt he needed to quit his job and find a better-paying field because it just wasn’t feasible.
He got upset, since like I said, this is something he’s dreamed of for years and worked hard to get, which I understand. But I just feel this isn’t fair to me. We’ve had to cut back on a lot of things and there’s not any sign of a pay increase at this point.
I feel like I’m carrying him.
He offered to get a part-time job on the side, but I know anything he could get that would be feasible for him while keeping his current job wouldn’t provide much. He suggested we move somewhere less expensive, to which I said not, since we’d have to go quite a ways to find something in that range and it’d mean ridiculously long commutes to my work and being further away from my family.
He offered to have his parents help, which I don’t want because it’s not a long-term solution.
He’s extremely upset, and I understand it because I know he worked hard to get here. If he quit now, it’d kill his career and it would be extremely hard for him to get another shot at this job.
It’s not like we’re struggling, which is true, we can pay rent and put food on the table, but I hate feeling like this. I work long days at a rather difficult job, while he works from home doing something he did before as a hobby and only makes half as much money now.
My point is that it’s not like he has to stop doing what he does altogether, since as I mentioned, he did it as a hobby beforehand, but he’s upset because he said this is the only thing he’s ever wanted to do career-wise and giving it up now would mean he likely never would be able to make it work.
AITJ? I understand this is important to him but I’m starting to resent him because I feel like the burden of our finances is being placed on me and we’ve had to cut back on a lot of things.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What have you tried to do yourself?
Just because you make more money and work long hours doesn’t mean the onus is on him to “pull his weight”. It doesn’t sound like he’s being a lazy freeloader to me. He worked a job that made him miserable to help get your student loan debt paid off, now he’s finally happy.
It sounds like you’re the one who wants to live expensively to keep your current job and be near your family. You you you. What are you doing for him? Have you considered getting a different job or pursuing a promotion? Why can’t you find a way to live that doesn’t require him to be miserable?” MustardOnFlannel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ — you had your turn now he has his. You don’t mention if you’re also hobbled by the patriarchal dictates that pay women less for the same jobs as men (and pre-builds in the mommy penalty), but “breadwinner” is an inherently unhealthy way to thrust an imaginary mental burden on yourself.
Imaginary as in all the patriarchal rules. Be that as it may, he paid your way for a while, you can pay his. You can choose not to, and be resented, you can choose to do so and let your resentment simmer, or you can be a decent human being and take your turn.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You seem fine if the burden was on him. In summary” You can be happy on weekends and part-time, but you need to be miserable for me” You are just terrible, and people who don’t share finances when married always have one person who is doing it solely because they are greedy and selfish and have no clue how partnership works.
So few people are happy in their job, and people like you love to crap on them.” jot_down
Think hubby needs to do what makes him happy for a while and you chase the promotion ladder or something
