People Can't Get Enough Of These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Wanting To Skip My Friend's Birthday Party After They Skipped Mine?
“I, 17F have a relatively large group of friends, and we’ve been friends for around 6 years.
Last year on my 17th birthday, my mom bought 4 tickets for a first-class steam locomotive and riverboat ride (I’m a huge train enthusiast).
The tickets were not cheap, around $150-$200 each, and we got seats right behind the engine itself.
This was special for me and I had one spare ticket for any one of my friends to go. But instead of celebrating with me on my birthday (after also missing my 16th birthday, might I add) they decided to have a pool party.
They knew the party was on my birthday and they used the excuse of wanting to do a party before summer ended (this was in June by the way, the very beginning of summer vacation for us), so I ended up going on this ride alone, having to sit next to an empty seat the entire time while my friends sent selfies of how much fun they were having in the group chat.
What hurts even more is that their party maybe lasted for 2 hours before they left because it was “too cold” outside – while I spent the entire night out celebrating with my parents.
Fast forward to now, EM -the girl who arranged the pool party at her house- is having a birthday party in February.
And my friends are asking if I want to come. Truth be told? I don’t. The only person I got an apology from was my friend Z because she was forced to go to the pool party.
I know they’re gonna ask why I can’t go, and I’m afraid if I tell them… it’s just going to cause drama and make everyone feel like a jerk.
But I just can’t ignore the fact that I had to sit alone, especially when it was on a live steam engine, which meant so much to me because I want to grow up to drive steam engines myself.
So… WIBTJ for skipping the birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She doesn’t care about your birthday party so I don’t see why you should care about her’s. I would be honest with them and just say you don’t want to go because they didn’t care about your party.
I wouldn’t worry too much about making them feel bad because that’s exactly what they purposely did to you. Just try to exclude Z from the situation by making it clear that you aren’t talking about them and that they were the only ones who apologized. I know it’s hard to be blunt but some people need to be reminded of the ways they hurt people.” Destinysoulgem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a person with zero interest in trains and terrible motion sickness I can understand not wanting to spend a day on the train, but throwing/attending a party on a friend’s birthday and sending pics is petty and obnoxious.
You don’t need to go to this girl’s party. You also don’t need to tell everyone the truth about why. “I have plans with my family”, “I have plans with a friend I don’t get to see very often”, “I got tickets to the aquarium and this is the only day my parents can take me” etc.” purplebow97
Another User Comments:
“When asked if you want to go. Your reply is: No. Fact: No is a complete sentence! Nothing must come after it! Just plain and simple no. If you need more for yourself to feel better. Reply with.
I am not available. Again, a complete sentence. Or …. I have another commitment. Whatever you do., LOVE yourself enough to find true friends. You deserve better.” Asil228
26. AITJ For Making My Sister Pay Half For Damaging My Laptop?
“I (25f) have two younger sisters (19f and 18f). This is about my youngest sister.
I have worked since I was legally able to work and due to that I always helped my family whenever they needed something financially. In 2021 while in college, my laptop that I had since middle school wasn’t working as well as it used to so I decided I wanted to get a new one.
I used my entire tax return that year to be able to afford my laptop. Fast forward I’m done with school and I received an iPad as a gift from my college. I preferred using my iPad because it was smaller and more compact than using my laptop so when my sister needed it for an assignment I let her use it.
Fast forward again to this morning. I see my laptop on the dining room table. I decided that while I cleaned the kitchen I would watch some Netflix on my laptop. As soon as I opened my laptop the screen was damaged. I was shocked. I asked my youngest sister what happened and she said that she used it one day and the next it looked like that.
I asked why I wasn’t informed of it and she said and I quote “I didn’t want to get blamed for ruining the computer” What the heck???? I told her that I have no one else to blame now because she saw it and didn’t tell me.
So I called my mom to tell her that I would be having my sister pay for the damages to my laptop and she said “I don’t want you guys fighting so please just think about what it is that you’re doing” Excuse me??
Now I’m starting to think I should maybe pay for half because at the end of the day, it is damaged and she knew but didn’t tell me whether it was her fault or not. It’s the principle of the matter.
So AITJ for making her pay half?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I do not understand the folks saying “only if you are sure your sister was responsible for the damage.” OP’s sister is a grown adult. While my sister was entrusted with someone else’s property it got damaged. This is undisputed. It does not matter HOW the damage happened. It was not damaged, my sister had possession, and now it is damaged. Unless OP says otherwise, Sister is fully responsible for repairing the damage.
Sister gives a weak excuse and has no explanation. And OP is willing to go halfsies? OP is a darn saint.” Zahrad70
Another User Comments:
“She is a grown adult. She destroyed and she is supposed to pay to fix it.
If it is possible fixing laptops can either be very expensive (and because of it pointless) or simply impossible. Not to mention her not telling, since she didn’t want to get blamed is so childish, that is unbelievable. It looks like she is 10 years old.” Hopstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – BUT, only if you are 100% sure that it was your youngest sister that damaged the laptop. I don’t agree with your mom that this isn’t something worth pursuing because it could cause conflict between you and your siblings.
Your sister is an adult, I’d be asking for the truth otherwise the charge goes up to 100% of the repair cost.” Bunlord3000
25. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Partner And Take Our Son With Me?
“Backstory… found out 3 years ago (while pregnant) that my partner was being unfaithful to me with his ex and had been for a long, long time. I’m talking years…
He was just being a generally bad partner. I work full-time and end up doing most of the household chores.
He didn’t work, so I decided to leave. I found my place and moved in when I was 7 months pregnant. He didn’t question my reasons for moving out, didn’t ask why, just acted as normal.
I have the baby, and he’s relatively involved, but more so when I made the effort to take the baby to him, rarely made the effort to come to us (only 30 mins away).
18 months ago we moved back in with him (he asked us to) and we’ve been talking about all sorts of plans like holidays, and even buying a family home.
Cut to a month ago, I’ve been getting the same nagging feeling again that he wasn’t being truthful, and lo and behold, he’s at it again, with the same woman!
So I’m now thinking that he never actually stopped seeing her and that I’m just a cash cow, maid, cook, and free child care all rolled into one.
So I questioned him and told him I was sick of all the lies from him and that I knew he was still at it with her, he completely denied everything!
Even dared to get angry at me for accusing him of being unfaithful! I mean, I’ve seen the messages and they’re not the type you would just send to a ‘friend’.
So, for my own sake, I need to move on, 10 years I’ve been in this relationship but I can’t keep being treated like this.
But I would be taking our son with me, I know it’s the right thing for me, but is it the right thing for my son? Am I going to mess him up if I rip his family apart?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son will be fine. Better, at least, than he would be with a disinterested father and a bitter and resentful mother. It is entirely possible that in coming years he might acquire an admirable step-father, but even without one he will be just fine.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“To be honest I think that you can’t cut him off from his son. I mean he could sue you (even though I doubt it). But from what I had to live, I think you should cut him off from both of you and your son.
Don’t make the same mistake my mom did. She suffered the same you’re going through, but always forgave him ’cause she loved him, even when that jerk screwed her life in every single way he could. I had to be polite with him just for my mom but she knew very well what I thought about that AH.
I went no-contact with him after my mom passed away.” User
Another User Comments:
“You were being a jerk to yourself when you went back to him after leaving and expected things to be different, but it’s not too late to fix it.
You have already wasted ten years on him. Don’t waste another day. When you try to stay with someone awful just so your child has a two-parent home, you are not helping your child like you think you are, because you’re showing your child a toxic relationship and teaching them that it’s normal to treat people that way.
Your child is better off seeing his mom on her own but happy, independent, and confident instead of a doormat. Do you want your son to grow up to treat women the way his dad treats you?” Jedi-girl77
24. AITJ For Asking My Grieving Sister To Pay For Her Food?
“My (26F) sister’s (25F) long-term partner unexpectedly passed away two months ago.
My whole family has been very supportive of her and has been trying hard to help her, she also has biweekly therapy.
We are living together in an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Since the death of her partner, I have been quietly helping financially with his hospital bill and other expenses until this day.
I found out this week that my bill for my credit card for this month has been five times my usual bill due to helping. I didn’t stress it out that much but I have been thinking about what to do about it silently.
I reached out to her if she could pay me for the food we have ordered throughout the last month so I can use it to pay my credit card. However, she made a lot of unnecessary comments when I sent her the breakdown of the food she ordered and ate, this was around 5% of the credit card bill.
She said something like, “Where will I get the money to pay you” (she has work and part-time and is making enough) “We shouldn’t be doing debt because I don’t like this” – I just said I agree.
She also computed everything one by one making sure I got them correctly – I didn’t include everything and made some of the items cheaper than they should have been – which she eventually found out since she tried to compute.
When I said I also have to pay some credit card bills she said it’s not a problem for you since you have a lot of money – I work 2 full-time jobs, 1 part-time, and other gigs just so I can somehow buy some things I want.
I am working very hard for that money and making it sound so easy triggered me and made me mad and say things like “I didn’t get the appreciation after trying to be the nice guy – not asking you to pay for other stuff, not asking you to pay the electricity bill, not asking you to pay other things we need in the apartment.”
She stormed out and is not talking to me and it is making me feel guilty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m pretty confused. Why are you paying the partner’s medical debt? Why is your sister paying it, for that matter?
Was she a co-signer or somehow responsible financially? Most medical debts pass to another family when they die, so why isn’t the partner’s family paying especially if your sister wasn’t legally married? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t equally pay for living expenses (or honor whatever existing arrangement you have) while the partner’s family helps with the financials, or your sister helps arrange a payment plan to pay down the debt.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s great to be compassionate, but there’s a line. You’re not her financial punching bag. You’ve gone above and beyond, and asking her to pay for her food is more than reasonable.
She’s got a job, she’s got income, and she’s making it sound like you’re made of money while you’re grinding away at multiple gigs to stay afloat. You got mad because you’re human. She needs to understand that her grief doesn’t entitle her to disregard your support and take your hard work for granted.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
23. AITJ For Being Upset About My Partner Meeting Her Male Friend Alone In Italy?
“I’m looking for some advice on a situation with my partner and whether I’m in the wrong here or if I should draw a line.
Me (M42) and my partner (F44) have been together for 2.5 years. Recently, she mentioned that a male friend of hers, who lives in Thailand, is traveling to Italy and asked her to meet him there.
She is considering traveling alone to Italy to catch up with him, and this is making me very mad and anxious.
Here are some important points:
– She has known this friend for over 10 years. She traveled with him and another friend to Greece more than 10 years ago.
– She has described him as a “player” and has said she doesn’t approve of how he treats other women.
– My partner often travels alone, but usually with friends or by herself. When she visits her home country (USA), she sometimes meets up with other male friends and even some exes, which also concerns me.
– She believes women can be friends with men and sees this as a good opportunity to reconnect.
– I have communicated my feelings about this to her, and she responded by saying, “This is who she is, someone that has male friends.”
– There have been some trust issues in our relationship, especially with an ex-partner who contacts her every six months. This ex-partner once accused her of giving him a disease, which changed our relationship dynamic significantly after just 3-4 months of being together.
I feel very uncomfortable with her going to Italy alone to meet this guy, given the history and my feelings of insecurity. Am I being unreasonable? Should I put my foot down on this matter, or am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you are not compatible, she is someone who has been hanging out with exes or male friends for years. You don’t trust her and I doubt she is willing to give up friends she has known longer than you.
You are not compatible” Solid_Quote9133
Another User Comments:
“If it bothers you that much, I would break up with her. Tell her you’re not compatible, given that she wants to continue to hang out with male friends without you.
Tell her she’ll be better off with a man who doesn’t mind his partner vacationing with another man.” Ok_Perception1131
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have different perspectives on this issue. I could see myself in her shoes.
I have friends from or currently living around the world and would for sure be into “meeting in the middle,” with a few of them, regardless of their gender. I can also understand why it would make a partner uncomfortable, especially if the partner doesn’t know the friend.
I wonder if a group video call before the trip would help. You’d get a sense of his vibe and what they are like together. If he’s a normal person he’ll be okay with it and probably interested in meeting you too, since you’re his friend’s partner.
Also worth noting most women have had a guy friend make a pass at them and declined it, especially if it happened while they were in a relationship. If you are too uncomfortable though you may be incompatible. (Or pick up on something she’s not)” violet_mango_green
22. AITJ For Buying Soccer Game Tickets After My Fiance Was Upset With Me?
“A couple of nights ago, my fiance (26m) was rightfully annoyed at me because I stayed out at drinks with a friend about an hour later than I said I would be out. It was a genuine mistake, and I apologized and tried to move on with the evening, but he stayed annoyed at me.
Later that night, I suggested that we get tickets to a soccer game this weekend. I knew he would want to go to because the teams had an important rivalry and I found really good seats at a decent price given how late it was.
When I showed him, he just said he wasn’t in the mood to make weekend plans. I’ll admit that I was disappointed, because I was trying to do something nice and I knew we’d have a good time at the game.
I thought about it for a while, and then decided to buy the tickets anyways. They were selling out fast, and if we waited to get them we’d end up paying more for worse seats. Plus, I could always resell them on Ticketmaster if we didn’t end up going.
The next night, my fiance mentioned that he thought we should get the tickets after all. I was excited, and told him I’d already gotten them as a treat, because I knew he’d want to go. He got a little huffy and said that I’d overstepped (he’s not annoyed enough to not go to the game, though).
The way I see it, I would have been wasting money (and possibly missing out on something we both wanted to do) by waiting for his bad mood to pass before buying something I knew we were going to buy either way.
He said that’s not the point, and I should have waited on principle even if I knew he’d come around. AITJ?
Note: we’re not in a fight about this, it’s just a debate. My fiance does know I could have resold the tickets if he didn’t want to go, so it’s not about pressuring him into plans.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé has some control issues but you know that, right? How often is he in a bad mood with you because you didn’t ask permission? I feel like being home an hour late could be a small conversation (is it because you didn’t get “permission” or because he was generally worried?) instead of a 24 hour cold shoulder, then get mad again because you bought tickets, again without “permission”.
I’m going to assume you could go to game with a friend if he didn’t want to go or resell tickets, so where’s the harm because apparently there were no weekend plans?” TheVue221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but wow….you have so much more to be worried about there then just being late after drinks and buying tickets without his OK.
He seems to be emotionally manipulating you. Is he always this moody and difficult? Come on – it was just 1 hour that you were late and he is still “moody” about this days later. My comment to you is if this is normal, you need to get out before “normal” becomes even worse!!” Tetchy9999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did you have plans after your outing with your friend that you missed by being out an hour later? Were you unreachable and him worried about you or was he simply angry you did something he didn’t like?
Did you spend your own money on the tickets, or was it his? There are some unknowns here, but with the information you provided I’m more worried about his controlling nature and seeming desire to find something to be angry about.
Staying out an hour “late” but being reachable and buying tickets with your own money which you could use with a friend or resell if necessary aren’t major offenses for someone who respects the autonomy of their partner. NTJ.” KnockoutMouse871
21. AITJ For Spending Time Learning Languages Instead Of Studying For Finals?
“So I (18F) have found a new hobby in learning languages.
So for the few weeks to come I have to study for finals but have gotten back into Duolingo.
I’ve been spending 5 minutes on it daily for over a year before going to sleep so nobody ever noticed or cared before, but recently I’ve been spending over 30 minutes a day on it (I know there are better language learning apps but Duolingo is just the most convenient for me at the moment) and my mother has started arguing with me about it and made what I consider to be racist remarks about the languages I’m learning?
Anyway, she told me to focus on the chores and studying and give up on learning languages as it wouldn’t bring me anything anyway. I felt like she had a point, but also felt I was in the right for wanting to learn things as long as I can manage studying for finals on the side.
Indeed, I do not study as much since I have Duolingo, so I asked for my partner’s advice. He agreed with my mom and called me ungrateful, then we argued and he kicked me out of his home (I live with my parents but I was over at his house for the afternoon).
With people close to me disagreeing with me or even getting angry at me, I am starting to think I really am in the wrong and I should not be learning languages for fun at all, but I still want to, so I will base myself off of what people say.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Learning a language seems to be this crazy concept called “a hobby”. You are allowed to have hobbies. 30 minutes of your day on a hobby is not going to make or break anything. It’s something you do for fun. As for studying, breaks to absorb the information and let your brain rest for a bit are often shown to work better than endless cramming on the same subject for hours on end. I say as long as your studying and chores get done, having a hobby, ‘useless’ or not, is perfectly fine.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You never know when it might come in handy to know a language! One doesn’t even have to travel for that. I’m pretty sure you are doing it when you take a break from studying.
What would they say if you would go for a run for 30 minutes every day? Or would do something else like watching a TV show (or streaming something somewhere), reading a book, knitting, or another hobby that one can do alone?
I think you are spending your time very wisely. It might be strange to some that you enjoy learning a language but there are other hobbies that you probably find strange or weird. I’d like to mention that English also isn’t my native tongue.
And I learned a lot from watching DVDs in English, for example. One can do something to relax and still learn something new, even language-wise.” ChocoBetty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course! I’m bilingual, with English as my first language, and Mandarin as my second (I did an immersion program for the language and culture for 12 years growing up).
I’m a beginner in ASL, and I’ve begun to learn Japanese a decent amount. These. Come. In. Handy. The opportunities are endless, and it looks wonderful on resumes and college applications. Of course, they are also wonderful for travel!
I love it solely due to being able to communicate with more people in the world! Keep following what you enjoy, especially if you’re passionate about it. It’s awesome when you can have fluent conversations with people. Good luck!” New_Indication_9932
20. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Mom's Untrained Puppy?
“I (22nb) live with my mother in a decent-sized house with two dogs and a cat. The first dog we got is almost 12 years old and has never been a fan of other dogs. She also has a lot of hip issues, as is common with her breed. Because of this, her activity is limited, and I try to avoid situations where she’d be forced to move a lot (long walks, hopping on furniture, etc.)
She’s been having these issues for a while, so when my mom mentioned the aspect of getting a new puppy, I immediately voiced my opposition. My mother is older and also has a lack of mobility, so I already knew the needs of this puppy would fall to me, and I had ZERO interest. I struggle caring for myself and did not want another thing on my plate.
My mom insisted, and I told her then and there I would not be a caretaker for this dog. Of course, I wouldn’t neglect him, but I would not be taking him to appointments, walks, etc. As soon as he arrived, he immediately kept knocking over our other dog, tearing up things, and being, well, a puppy.
I was incredibly annoyed and angry because she immediately started asking me for favors regarding him.
It’s been a year since he’s arrived and he has not been trained. He still destroys things, chases the cat, and is too rough with the older dog (we can not let them out into the backyard together or he WILL knock her down.) He currently has a bad rash and is breaking out, and my mom told me to take him to the vet tomorrow.
WIBTJ if I said no? I had plans and I don’t want to wrangle him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I do think that you should get the dog into a good home. Unfortunately, being a good person sometimes means responsibilities fall on you, and that doesn’t need to be this dog’s entire life of exercise and vet appointments but it does mean getting the dog to somebody who cares.
The pup didn’t ask to come into a subpar house and deserves a loving family who will train it, exercise it, and get it proper vet care. Don’t let the pup suffer. Also, tell your mom that she is selfish and animals are not toys.” ThrowRAdramallam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you are not paying rent to your mom, then you should be expected to help out. If you are paying rent, then she needs to find someone else to take it or call a mobile vet unit to come to the house.
It sounds like the puppy needs to be seen by a vet, don’t let your anger come before taking care of an animal in need if your mom truly can’t take it to the vet. You may want to talk to her about rehoming it for the dog’s sake.
The only way to truly not be a part of this is to move out and let her deal with it.” SliceEquivalent825
19. AITJ For Not Doing Chores Because My Sister Redoes Them?
“Due to financial reasons, I (F29) rent an apartment with my sister (F24). My sister is a real clean freak, I… not so much. I like it when things around me are clean, but I don’t really care about some mess in my room or dishes not standing perfectly even on the shelf.
Whatever.
In the beginning, I tried to do my share of chores. Cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, all that jazz. However, no matter what, how long, and how meticulously I was doing, my sister was always doing the same thing once again, correcting me.
Did I wash dishes? She washed them again, because “they weren’t clean enough”. I cleaned the shower. She did it again, as “I wasn’t careful enough”. And so on. What’s more, later she kept snitching to our parents that “I never help her” and that I was messy.
Mind you, I wasn’t using weaponized incompetence. I even started watching and reading tutorials on how to clean things properly because I thought that it was a “me” problem. But it is not. Even our parents admit that she’s obsessive when it comes to cleaning.
So, I stopped doing chores. It doesn’t make sense for me to do them, if she re-does them after me, usually taking even more time. I make sure to throw out garbage when I see they’re full, I wash my dishes and clean after myself but that’s it.
My sister says that I am a jerk as I don’t help her and leave her almost alone with cleaning the whole apartment. She snitched to our parents and while my mother says that “her cleaning behavior isn’t normal” (verbatim quote), I should keep helping her anyway.
But I don’t see any sense in helping her if she corrects me every time, taking even more time than I do. I consider moving out but due to financial issues, there’s no way that either of us will be able to do so any time soon.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to have a roommate meeting, lay out what you did here, and state “I would be happy to do more but I will not be criticized or waste my time on a task you will redo- let’s find some areas you would be comfortable trusting me to manage my way.
We are adults, we can solve this among ourselves there is no reason to continually bring our parents into our living situation, this is *our* home, not theirs, we are no longer children living under their roof” NTJ” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you didn’t weaponize incompetence but you also about recognizing that it isn’t right to shrug off the burden of cleaning for a shared space. Whatever compulsion drives your sister is also something that is unfairly being placed on you.
The solution would be to communicate with your sister why this level of cleanliness is needed and how you can either help get there (learn what you’re doing wrong when cleaning) or come up with an alternative contribution to make it feel fairer.
Maybe she cleans, you buy all cleaning material, she cleans you cook, etc. but you two need to communicate first and foremost” SpiritOfCuahtemoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have been medically diagnosed with OCD and some of the things your sister says sound familiar.
I do have to ask though, since you are both adults and not living at home, why is she taking her issues to your parents? I think you should have a sit-down and hash it out. I wouldn’t want to waste my cleaning products and time if she’s just going to do it over, but running to mommy and daddy to complain is childish.” Lazuli_Rose
18. AITJ For Moving Away And Sending Gifts Instead Of Visiting My Emotionally Abusive Father?
“A little history first. My father has been emotionally abusive my entire life. My husband and children recently moved away from my parents to be closer to his family (for the kids to be closer to family who wanted to spend time with them, and we were unhappy where we lived).
I and my children have visited my parents since they would prefer me to leave my husband and move back closer to them. I should also add my father has MS and says he can’t travel to see us BUT he can travel across the country for poker tournaments.
I recently sent my father a gift for his birthday and received this text:
“GM [*redact*], Thanks for my present but you know what would be a better present than seeing you and the kids? I just don’t understand how you can’t find a way to make time to see your mother and father.
I know I wasn’t the best father and I could have done a lot of things differently but I helped bring you into this world, and took care of you always. You and [*brother*] and your mom were my priority and I didn’t ever deviate from that.
Tell me why there is so much hate between us, [*husband*] and you. Do we deserve to be treated like we don’t matter? Keep all of these texts that I have sent you and after I am gone you can read them over again to realize how brokenhearted I have been over this.
And yes, WE are trying to be sensible and understanding but we only have one daughter and one life.”
I constantly receive texts of this nature and am at a loss. I go back and forth between feeling like I’m the jerk and questioning if I deserve this for moving away.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for moving and not the jerk for not bearing the sole brunt of developing the relationship between your children and your parents. Time for boundaries! I don’t know if you’ve been to therapy before for your childhood but I think that a therapist would be good at helping you set those boundaries with your parents.” chveya_
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. And also why the gift?? As your post title says, gift instead of visiting. So you’re feeling bad but maybe there should be NO gift? That would be a stronger message. Families are hard.
I have my view. But that doesn’t matter. Your view does.” dr_hits
17. AITJ For Letting My Brother's Dog On The Couch?
“Me – a 17-year-old boy, was at my brother’s apartment (25) and was alone with his French bulldog. Before my brother left he warned me not to take the dog up on the couch, because the dog sheds a lot. Keep in mind we have a white sofa.
We were both chilling in the living room (me on the couch and the dog on the carpet) and I suddenly wanted to get some water. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and when I came back I saw the dog on the couch, snuggled up in my blanket laying on a white pillow.
Me being nervous quickly got him off of the bed and cleaned the pillow with a sticky roller. Then I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and when I came back I saw him on the couch having an extreme gag reflex.
I quickly ran, jumped over the little table in front of the couch, and dropped him off of the sofa.
Keep in mind that in the living room, there is a big, thick carpet in front of the couch, and on the right side, there is just wood flooring.
I dropped the dog so that he could vomit on the wooden flooring and he turned around and did it on the carpet. I panicked and quickly called my brother and told him what was going on. He then started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, scolding me for even letting him on the couch for as little as a millisecond.
Luckily for me though, his throw-up wasn’t liquid enough to stain the carpet so I cleaned it up and there was no evidence. When my brother came back he started screaming at me even more than he did before and I told him to guess where the dog threw up.
He pointed at a completely different area where he didn’t even throw up. I got super upset and mad at myself and went into the guest room. He then apologized for screaming at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’d refuse to be left in charge of a dog that isn’t mine and won’t take orders from me.
Not your apartment, though, so it maybe hard for you to find a way out of this. What does your brother do with the dog when nobody is home? Maybe do whatever that is, next time.” chrestomancy
Another User Comments:
“Whose dog is it? If it is yours, then it is your responsibility to make sure that you, and it, stick to your brother’s rules at his apartment. If it is his dog, then he needs to train it to stay off the couch, or accept defeat and get a throw to protect the couch.
If your brother is always yelling at you, maybe stop visiting him so often” ProfessorYaffle1
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother's Car Damage And Possibly Ruining My Parents' Marriage?
“I (22) just bought two Porsche 914s to restore, and because I drive a small car, I needed to rent a U-Haul to tow them. I ran over a screw the day before, so I had a flat. My dad let us borrow his old Jetta, which my younger siblings share.
We get to the U-Haul rental, and my brother(20) takes the Jetta with my sister(14) while I drive the truck to pick up the cars.
He went ahead of me, and about an hour later, I got a text saying he was stuck.
He hit a bump on an off-ramp and knocked a timing belt loose( the car has almost 250K miles on it, and my brother is not known for driving gently ). We towed it to a shop, and my parents said I would have to pay for the damages to teach me a life lesson because it was my car we were picking up.
They think I should be held liable.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been getting in trouble for anything my brother would or wouldn’t do. As a kid, if he didn’t do his chores, I would get shouted at for not doing them for him.
I confronted them and told them that my brother was an adult and could deal with the consequences of his actions, and I wouldn’t pay.
This turned into a huge argument that went in circles; I wasn’t backing down, and my parents wouldn’t dare hold my brother accountable.
I said that since you used to do not-so-kind things, really not ok things, my brother, it doesn’t mean you can make it up to him by punishing me. Then, I recalled a very vivid and disturbing memory that seemed to break my dad.
The memory caused my parents to get into a huge fight. Now, my dad can’t even look at me and won’t talk to my mom. I’m scared that I may have just broken my parent’s marriage. AITJ for taking it too far instead of taking accountability and quite possibly breaking my parents up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not responsible for your parents’ marriage. And your brother is a full-grown adult, who made the mistake, not you. What if he were driving to Grandma’s house when he damaged the vehicle? Would your parents insist on Grandma paying for repairs, since it was her house your brother was driving to?” SnarkySheep
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Fiancée's Mother For Taking Advantage Of Me Financially?
“My fiancée has lived at home all her life, and their family is relatively low income. Circumstances started to get tougher last year, and they were forced to move out of the house they were renting.
I’m lucky to be in a good job right now, and my fiancée’s mother asked me to move in. We all moved into a new place together to help ease the burden. I pay the majority of rent and bills at this time.
Two weeks after I signed the lease, the mother moved an extra guy into the basement without warning and decided to charge him a few hundred dollars in rent. A couple of months later, again without warning, she had a new friend move in for two months and he never contributed anything financially.
Yesterday, she announced her intention to take in her ex-husband’s two teenage kids for a month while he goes away. This is a 4 bedroom place, and with the two kids, that would bring us to 8 people (read: there is no space in this house).
She does stuff like this to help others, but she’s adding surprises that I always end up paying for, and never brings anything up before she decides.
In the past, she staged a fake marriage between my fiancée and a guy who needed a green card for money.
She has taken loans out in my fiancée’s name and has used both her kids’ credit cards to pay for plane tickets, among other things. I believe she is a user and I called her out for it, and she called me a selfish, miserable, and disrespectful jerk.
It’s disappointing because our engagement is good and exciting, but my relationship with her mother is awful and I don’t see it improving. My fiancée is understandably hurt because she loves her mom and is stuck in the middle, but I feel she is a victim of mistreatment.
Needless to say, I’ll be moving out as soon as possible.
AITJ? Is my engagement ruined?”
Another User Comments:
“So, you leased a new home, let your fiancée’s mom live there basically for free and they get both angry at you for not wanting to support this situation any longer?
Also, why do you wanna move out? I thought you were the person who paid for the place. Just kick the mom out and tell her to get her life straight so she can afford her place. The strong reaction of your fiancée’s mother also gives away that you told the truth by calling her a user since she leeches off other people to support herself financially which is a disgusting behavior.
Sounds like NTJ to me, and just because your fiancée’s mother does want to help people, she should not become a burden to others (like stuffing your home full with people).” Tillerson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Immediately, ensure your credit cards, bank statements, birth certificates, etc are always locked away or kept off-site.
Don’t leave your wallet unattended for a moment. Mother has a history of identity theft and may sell your information to an associate. Once she knows you plan to move out, Mother will look for opportunities to grab valuables such as laptops, watches, TVs, etc. Move quickly and quietly.
Sorry, but I think if you tell your fiancée, Mother will find out. You can explain your actions later. Unless the fiancée is willing to make no contact, her mother will always be waiting for a chance to use you.
I suggest a long engagement, see whether fiancée can withstand family pressure, and decide from there.” Aw_Yeah_Nuh
Another User Comments:
“How NICE of your FMIL to want to help everyone – on your dime. I’ll bet you never saw a cent of the money she was charging the first guy to live there.
In your shoes, I would hand in the notice to the landlord to end at the earliest date possible, give your fiancée the rent money to the end of that period to pay the rent only, and move out – they should sort themselves out for bills given that they are living there and you’re not.
It’s your fiancée that you’re marrying, not the rest of the family, so I think you need to both be using your words and have some serious talk about a way forward. If she won’t stand up to her mother, then, unfortunately, your engagement may well be ruined, only you and she can decide that based on some agreed boundaries.” TeenySod
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Grandfather Stay With Me In My One Bedroom Apartment?
“About a year and a half ago my grandmother passed away leaving my grandfather alone.
My aunt (who also owned the house my grandparents lived in took care of him during his grieving, I’d show up occasionally to see and check up). Time passes and my grandfather doesn’t want to live in the house my grandmother died inside of, so my older sister and brother-in-law agree to let him stay at their house until he can find an apartment or somewhere else to stay.
Time goes by and he begins to be more and more intrusive in the sister’s relationship and doesn’t make any effort to find a place elsewhere to stay. My Uncle then agreed to take him in their house. Fast forward a month and my uncle his wife and my grandfather get into a massive fight boiling to him calling my father telling him “I’m coming to your house to stay.” My father and mom agree they don’t want the drama in their relationship with him around.
My grandfather then calls my aunt, who declined due to being sick at the moment chastising my dad for not taking him. She was saying things like, “I took care of them for 20 years and you can’t keep him a few nights?” Well my father calls me and asks “can he stay there?” I live in a one bedroom apartment with my cat, normally my fiancée but she is teaching abroad in Asia so I’m by myself.
My grandfather has difficulty living with others opposed to how he likes things. Also being in a long distant relationship at the moment wouldn’t like him butting into something already very difficult. I also believe he needs to learn to resolve arguments instead of relying on others as much.
That being said, he is my grandfather and it sucks he’s in a position where he can’t enjoy the latter years of his life in peace.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a one bedroom apartment is not suitable, your parents have no right to expect you to host your grandfather, who sounds like he would be a nightmare in such a small space, and almost certainly be overbearing given your relative ages.
His CHILDREN – your father and siblings – need to step up and make your grandfather find himself somewhere to live where he is not creating conflict within the family. Stand your ground.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“Wow. This is your dad’s father, your aunt is right, he needs to step up and do something.
If your aunts house is still available, maybe it’s time for it to get a new coat of paint and a change of furniture. Make it his house. Either that you or your dad finds a 50 plus manufactured home community for your granddad.
He needs to do something besides hit you and your one bedroom apartment up. It does suck. But you’re NTJ.” CaliforniaJade
13. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend's Clingy Partner Into My Dorm Room?
“I, 18M, have a friend, Jacob, 19M, who has a super clingy, somewhat insecure partner, Layla, 22F.
Layla tends to magically appear at pretty much any outing where Jacob is present, to the point where Jacob, who is about as proficient with technology as my 80-year-old great-grandpa, asked me to check his phone for any ‘find my phone’ feature.
I tend to ignore Layla and view her essentially as a ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ kind of way. Sure she can be a little grating at times, but that’s none of my business, she is not my friend, Jacob is and it’s his decision who he chooses to keep around.
The other day, Jacob showed up at my dorm and asked me if he could sleep there. I agreed and didn’t ask any questions, because I like to keep my nose out of other people’s business. Jacob didn’t elaborate on why he was there, but we had some sandwiches and he was getting changed when I heard knocking at my door.
This is the point where I might have been the jerk, I already knew she was at the door. She told me to tell her where Jacob was, and I told her he was in my room, as she’d likely figured. She tried to get in and I told her absolutely not, and told her rather rudely to scram, because she was not my problem to deal with, Jacob was.
She called me a jerk and left, and I went to sleep. Jacob’s in class now and avoiding Layla. I told this story to one of my other friends, and she told me I escalated the conflict and probably created a mess in Jacob’s relationship since now Layla probably felt like she was a problem to Jacob as well.
I don’t know, it’s not like I lied, she’s not my problem and I don’t have the patience for her. But maybe I was just being a jerk for no reason. AITJ? Is my dislike of Layla making me act like a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s OK to check in with your friends and ask them what’s going on. You’re not being “nosy” by doing so. Sometimes boys need to be prodded to communicate, especially in our society where they are socialized to keep it all bottled up.
Friends *should* be checking in on each other when they randomly show up at your place asking if they can spend the night. Especially when their romantic partner shows up after angrily looking for them and your friend doesn’t step out of the shadows and lets you be the one to send them away.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… or maybe justified jerk would be more accurate. For one thing, your words may have been offensive, but I’ll point out that you only described her as a “problem” in comparing her to Jacob who you *also described as a problem,* but one you’re willing to take ownership of.
And… since you are somewhat accepting responsibility for your friend as *your* problem, I think you should probably be more concerned than you sound here. Jacob thinks he’s tracking his phone. Based on how she showed up at your place, evidently already knowing you were there, I’d say his suspicions are warranted. How much is he actually *choosing* her company?
The person described in this post does not seem like he’s 100% on board with that relationship, but maybe he doesn’t know how to end it?” hadesarrow3
12. AITJ For Refusing To Write My Mom's Master's Thesis?
“For reference, I’m 20 and in my last year of a bachelor’s degree. My mom is 50 and last year she decided to enroll in a master’s degree in Healthcare and Social Services Management. She’s the head nurse of a hospital in our town so she has some experience with management but doesn’t have a passion for management or academia.
Now she reached the end of her master’s and she has to write her thesis. But she doesn’t know how to write a thesis. She didn’t even know what citing was until a month ago, she didn’t know how to search for scientific articles.
So she asked me for a head start, to write her first 3-4 pages and teach her a bit of academic writing. So I did that.
But she was still clueless and did not write anything. A week before needing to hand in her thesis she told me that if I wrote her whole thesis she would pay me.
I said sure because it’s my mom and I can’t be the reason she fails. But I am also caught up in my own uni work, language lessons, and internships.
I have 15 pages done which is not even halfway and she needs to hand it in on Wednesday.
Today I had to work on an important proposal so I did that the whole day. I am burnt out and stuck between prioritizing her or my sanity. Writing a full master’s thesis in a few days about a subject I don’t even know anything about, in my mother language (not English) is not easy.
So today I had a breakdown in front of her telling her I’ve been back home 2 weeks and all I did was work and I am going crazy. She just shrugged her shoulders and said “That’s life”, while she was just submitting my essay as her own for a course she has.
I now closed the laptop and I’m stressed and confused. I don’t want to write her thesis for her, it’s tiring and making me slack on my deadlines. I also feel like she just doesn’t deserve that title for my work.
So, AITJ for not wanting to write my mom’s master thesis?”
Another User Comments:
“I am not understanding any of this. Let’s just push aside the entire fraud aspect. I suppose I can understand, ‘Dude it is my Mom, besides, I am already doing this for myself’ angle.
(doesn’t make it correct, but it adds an air of logic as to how OP got there). What I can’t understand is how Mom got to the point that a university is looking for a master’s thesis from her: >She didn’t even know what citing was until a month ago, she didn’t know how to search for scientific articles.
How do you navigate the University system get to the end-game in your education and know what a citation is? And the scientific articles…. dude…. she is in nursing. Healthcare. A science-based profession. Again, how do you get to the end game and not know this?
Is OP a jerk? Yeah for enabling.” SuperZapper_Recharge
Another User Comments:
“If anyone finds out you wrote her paper for her, it will adversely impact YOU. Stop writing for her, tell her you made a mistake in saying you would do it for her, and LET HER FAIL.
YTJ to your mom for agreeing, and to the other students in her class for helping her be dishonest, but NTJ if you STOP THE STUPIDITY.” Speckle-Fried-Pickle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not do this. Her school should have taught her these things.
When I went back for my master’s they had dedicated courses to their preferred citation style, how to conduct research, and how to format the documents. It was designed for people who had been out of academia for a while.
I recalled vaguely from undergrad but. it was a nice refresher.” lenajlch
11. AITJ For Not Buying An Additional Anniversary Gift For My Husband?
“My husband (45M) and I (39F) had our anniversary last week. We had been going through a difficult time and weren’t speaking much. I still gave him a card and got us tickets to a concert that was for that night (our schedules were free and it’s one of our favorite artists – I blocked something vague off on our Family calendar days before).
I included our two kids in this event as well. I thought that this would be a good way for us all to celebrate, plus take pressure off of the issues my husband and I were having and just have a good time together.
When I told my husband “Happy anniversary” he said “Thanks.” I gave him the card and he scoffed and threw it on the counter. I asked if he was going to open it and he said “No, we haven’t even spoken.” We ended up talking, but things didn’t go well, he revealed to me that he didn’t even get me a card, and he decided he was NOT going to the concert.
Just my kids and I went.
When I got home, he had left cards with nice notes in them. He seemed very sorry and asked if we could get dinner the next week to celebrate our anniversary and I said yes.
I recognized his efforts and we were able to talk some things out.
Then today, my husband asked if we were getting each other gifts for our anniversary (since our dinner is tomorrow). I told him I already got him one and it was unfortunate that he didn’t go.
He did not consider that to be a gift for him since he didn’t go (I was pretty much begging him to go, and he refused). He seemed disappointed and just said, “Ok, that’s all I need to know.”
So – AITJ for not getting my husband an anniversary gift for our anniversary dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But tbh, I’m not sure if this marriage is fixable in general. It doesn’t sound like it. I think it might do you good to prepare for a breakup. Edit: Sounds like hubby has an attitude problem and needs some therapy.
and you both need couple counseling to work on communication.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but that depends on your purpose. Do you wanna be right? You are. You wanna teach him a lesson? You probably did. You wanna do a step toward the healing of your relationship?
Then wrong move. If you feel that the relationship is not worth saving, then more power to you, it’s time that you shine your inner truth, that you’re not gonna baby him and his tantrums anymore. If you feel that you can mend things up, then hun, don’t keep scores.
Don’t let him walk all over you, that’s not what I’m saying, I’m saying that you not should treat each other with grace. Don’t go out of your way with the gift, but a card and a flower or a simple gift?
You could have done it. Maybe even a letter where you pour out your feelings and your hopes for a brighter future together.” Catarina
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH To be clear, I only think this is ESH in the specific situation of the gift giving.
Your husband is the jerk in the relationship, and hope whatever happens (either an ending or an improvement of the situation) happens quickly. To explain, he asked if you all were doing gifts to go with the makeup anniversary dinner and you said no because you already got him a gift. The issue is I don’t think the tickets for the concert were a gift. Not to say it was not well-intentioned, but an event with you and your kids is hardly a gift for him, and on top of it, you weren’t even talking at the time.
Even if he had gone to say it was a gift FOR him is a bit of a stretch. Then him, he’s an enormous jerk. It’s commendable that you are raising 3 kids at once with the biggest one running around, being an overly sensitive jerk, not going because he’s a little annoyed, throwing the card out, and not getting you anything, it’s pathetic from his side.” umbral
10. AITJ For Not Being Able To Pay For Meals During Partner's Celebration Trip?
“My (31M) partner (30F) recently completed a substantial accomplishment.
A trip was planned out of town to celebrate. I was invited and went with her. Her mom, dad, aunt, cousin, and brother also went.
Over a few days, we’ve gone out to eat for nearly every meal. My partner’s mom and dad simply will not let me contribute to the restaurant bills.
We’ve mostly been splitting the bills and my partner’s brother, aunt, mom, and dad, have all contributed but they will not let me. When I put my card into the book with the check-in it, they remove it and gave it back to me.
I’ve tried to sneak my card in and have been caught. I’ve tried to take the whole book only to have it wrestled away from me. Last night I put my card into the slot and wouldn’t take it back when my partner’s mom removed it.
She put it on the table. I took the card back and again snuck it into the book which was still sitting on the table. The waiter noticed and outed me. She again removed my card and I again wasn’t allowed to pay.
After dinner, my partner was appalled at my behavior and felt embarrassed that I hadn’t paid for anything the entire trip. I should note I was allowed to pay for my partner’s and my hotel rooms but my partner believes I wouldn’t have paid if she didn’t mention it.
She believes I’m not being forceful enough with her parents and needs to be more insistent. She believes I’m being cheap and purposely trying to avoid paying. The mom has let my partner’s brother and even my partner pay for things, telling me it’s easier to let them pay sometimes so they don’t get mad.
I don’t want to have to become angry with the mom and dad to pay my share. I don’t know them very well and I don’t want to be rude. My partner believes I’m being rude anyway. I’m not sure what to do.
I don’t believe it should be this hard and I shouldn’t have to jump through hoops nobody else has to go through to pay.”
Another User Comments:
“What other challenges do you face being in a relationship with a visually impaired girl?
NTJ Her parents aren’t comfortable with you paying, and all you can do is continue to try and be shut down. It’s ridiculous that your partner is blaming you for her parent’s actions. It’s her family – she needs to be the forceful one and tell her that you can pay for a meal and for them to stop their behavior.
She can’t turn a blind eye to your situation and then try and fault you for it. Irrational behavior.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner is. You’ve been trying hard to pay, and you’re even pushing the bounds of being insulting to them to try to make it work.
If your partner thinks you should figuratively club them unconscious to be able to pay, she’s wrong. This is her family. If her parents adamantly refuse to let you pay and she doesn’t like it, it’s her responsibility to deal with them.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner wants you to be one of those people who fight over paying the bill, embarrassing and annoying the staff and guests seated nearby. You’re putting in plenty of effort, and absent an arm-wrestling match to see who gets to pay, you’re not going to win this.” TemptingPenguin369
9. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Replace My Lost AirPods Or Give Me Her PS4?
“Okay so my parents got me AirPods for Christmas last year, and my sister wanted to use them.
And being a good brother I let her. I knew when doing this I probably wouldn’t get them back for maybe a day or two. But I asked my sister for them back and she said that she had to look for them.
So I went back to my room and waited and waited. Days go by and I’ve yet to even hear a mention of them. Then at maybe 2 AM she comes into my room asking if she can use my AirPods.
I told her that she had them and never gave them back. She looks me dead in my eyes and goes “Are you sure?” I nod my head disrespectfully and she walks out. Not even a day goes by and she asks again to use them.
Now at this point, I’ve realized she’s lost them. But we don’t live in a big town whatsoever so there are not many places she could have taken them so I give her a chance. A week.
So one week later I asked her where they are. She says again that she has to look for them because she hasn’t been. I text my parents telling them she lost my AirPods. And my mom is furious.
I’m writing this right after my mom texted me I need to stop letting her use my stuff. But that’s just the background. I want to know if I would be the jerk if I made her: A.
Get a job and buy me the newest AirPods or B. Made her give me the PS4 she got for Christmas. I want you to know that the PS4 she uses is connected by my HDMI cord to my TV.
She also has my Roku box that my parents got me after I bought my TV. If not the ps4 should I at least ask for all of my other stuff back? WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I read some of your comments.
You mentioned that she just helps herself with your stuff. Ask your parents if you can change out your bedroom doorknob with one that has a lock. Going forward, don’t give anything to your sister. Do not loan anything ever again.
If there’s something you’re not currently using, that doesn’t mean you won’t want to use it later. If she wants it because you haven’t been using it, then she can buy it from you or she can spend more on a new one.
Don’t let her guilt you. Your mom permitted you to say “no” and advised you to do that. Anything you loaned her, you can take back without warning. Anything you gifted her, you can discuss as one of your options with your parents.
She is old enough to get a job and buy her stuff. You might want to discuss with your parents what your various option plans are regarding what to take until she finds or replaces your AirPods. Ask what they suggest. This gains their support and this blocks your sister from saying you can’t do that.
NTJ” Outrageous-forest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ AirPods are expensive, as expensive as a games system! To be honest I would take everything back that is yours and lock it all away safely. As for taking the Play Station that is up to you.
I can only imagine what your parents would do if you did. Maybe while she is out turn her room over and look for your AirPods, I bet a £ to a Penny they are lost, been given away, or broken!” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you’d be the jerk. You can’t make her do anything. And if you take her stuff without her permission it’s theft. You let her borrow the air pods. She misplaced them. These things happen. It’s annoying but they happen.
Here’s the thing though. You asked for them back after a couple of days. She told you she had to find them. It still took you days later to even realize she’s lost them. Since you realized. It’s been weeks.
You haven’t once in all that time tried to help her look for them? And your go-to is complaining to your parents and considering theft. Get off your backside and help her to look for them” Jamestodd106
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do All The Work For Our Tortoises?
“So I, 18 f, and my sister, 16 f, got 5 tortoises about seven years ago.
They have a huge enclosure outside and at first, we both loved spending time with them. But around one year after we got them, my sister left me alone to do all the work, so feeding them, preparing them for hibernation, making sure everything’s alright when they lay eggs,…
I always asked her to help out a bit as well, but even if she agreed to feed them for example, and I would check on them later, I noticed she never did and I had to do it again.
But my parents at least told her to help out as well.
Then, one year ago we got a dog and ever since then, she refuses to do anything at all for the tortoises. She also says, that we should sell them, because she does not care for them anymore.
I don’t want to do that. I love them, but I feel like it is not fair, that she can just leave me with all the work, because we agreed to do this together. My mom also wants to give them away and now says, that my sister is right not to do anything for them anymore.
The funny thing is, that when her friend comes over they often hang out with the tortoises. So it’s not even like she does not do anything with them.
So now I feel like it’s unfair for her to just leave me with the work, but she says that she grew up and realized, that she does not want them, so she thinks I am being unfair.
So I would like to hear your opinion on this because I don’t know if I am in the wrong here. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom and sister are. You don’t get an animal and then give them away when you don’t want them anymore.
They aren’t toys you can play with and then throw away. They are living, breathing things that depend on you to take care of them. Your mom and sister are disgusting for saying to just get rid of them. I feel bad for the tortoises and the dog having to live with them.
You sound like you’re doing great with your animals. You’re not wrong for wanting your sister to keep her end of the agreement. She needs to grow up and start being responsible.” Sir-Rogu-of-Attics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if you want to keep them you will have to accept doing all the work from now on.
If your sister could she would get rid of them. Never get pets with someone in the future if you aren’t willing to do all the work if need be because, unfortunately, this kind of thing happens. A lot of people do not see pets as a commitment they make for that animal’s life, barring extreme circumstances.
They see them as a toy to pick up and put down as needed.” StrangePenguin7
If it is too much work then you might prefer to do the research on finding them a suitable new home yourself.
7. AITJ For Storming Out Of My Own Graduation Party?
“I (25F) am about to graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I initially went to an Ivy League school, but due to a serious lapse in judgment, I performed very poorly.
I spent 2 years there, slowly falling worse and worse into depression before deciding to leave for my mental health. My parents were not very pleased with me when this happened (understandably) and my father forcibly enrolled me in his university (he’s a tenured professor at a school with a terrible program for what I’m studying.) I truly hated being there and didn’t take it seriously in the slightest (not submitting assignments, not studying for tests, etc.)
That year I was at my father’s university was a difficult one, so I finished off the year and took an indefinite leave of absence from school. I spent 3 years essentially wasting my life before realizing that I needed to just get my bachelor’s.
My father’s university is free to me due to the faculty benefits and would allow me to graduate in just 1 year. So, last fall I begrudgingly re-enrolled at my dad’s university.
The semester is ending and there have been lots of events for graduating seniors; all of which I have refused to attend.
I’m not attending the graduation ceremony either. I keep seeing posts about being proud of this incredible accomplishment but I’m simply not. I’m not proud of myself for getting a degree worth of dog mess from this joke of an institution.
I know it sounds ungrateful because anyone would be ecstatic to attend college for free, but I’m genuinely ashamed of myself for getting my bachelor’s at the age of 25 from a school you should truly only attend if it’s your only choice.
My mother is very upset that I’m not going to the graduation ceremony. She keeps telling me I’ll regret it but I think she’s just upset she can’t take pictures. I know that if I did go (which I can’t because I already told them not to send me a cap and gown), I would be miserable and it would be nothing but a terrible memory to look back on.
I just want to finish, get the degree, move on with my life, and never look back.
My mother believes that I’m making this situation worse for myself by refusing to do all the graduation stuff everyone looks forward to.
Today was my last day of classes and when I came home (yes I moved back in with my parents), I was greeted by a huge group of my extended family in our living room congratulating me on finishing my degree.
I immediately stormed out went out to the car and drove off. I went to a random shopping center and cried in the parking lot. I received several texts from my mom saying what I did was incredibly rude and I shouldn’t have ignored our family like that.
I’m currently writing this in the car and wondering if I should even go home or if I should just crash at a friend’s house because I’m so upset.
So, AITJ for storming out of my mother’s grad party she threw for me?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are making your own life miserable for no good reason, whatever, but you are insisting that nobody point out your accomplishment and that they endure your sullen disrespect (your father works there and presumably isn’t a joke) and performative self-loathing.
Your life is what you make it and you are pessimistic and ungrateful. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter. You sound unbearably entitled.” Far_Information_9613
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your negativity and attitude are better suited for a 14-year-old.
You have been handed opportunities that so many other people will never have. But your parents should have respected your wishes and not gone to the trouble and expense of celebrating your accomplishment. I just feel sorry for the people who came to congratulate you but instead had to witness an ungrateful tantrum from someone who is supposed to be an adult.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At some point, you need to come to terms with your life and the choices you made. Sulking and pouting like a bratty teenager will get you nowhere. People get their bachelor’s degrees at all ages.
I went to school with 40-50 year olds. At the end of the day, you were in control of everything. Also, from your other comment, you didn’t tell your parents you didn’t want a party. That’s also on you. People wanted to celebrate you.
People were proud of you. I sincerely hope you are in therapy or are starting soon. It sounds like you are depressed, burned out, and need some help before starting your life.” Connect_Guide_7546
6. AITJ For Being Upset After My Mother Unexpectedly Cleared My Room?
“My Mother (50F) has started to act strange. For example, with a bit of context, my room is not the most organized place but it is not messy.
I (18F) am in my last year of school currently and at the time of the story, I was revising for my mocks. I had left the house for only three hours to go out with a friend I had not seen for over a year, but when I got back my room had been cleared of all my belongings, excluding my bed, desk, mirror, and my side table which she had emptied.
For me, this came as a huge shock as I had gotten good grades recently of A*BB. My erratic mother (not a doctor, just a thought) had put all my belongings in bin liners very carelessly might I add, as a lot of my things were broken due to this.
I, at this point, was crying my eyes out. My room is the only place that I have control over. She had gone through all of my personal belongings such as my diary, and all of which she knew about previously.
I had to call her. When I did, I screamed at her calling her sick for taking everything out of my room. In her words ‘If it’s not gone by the morning (at the moment it was 10 pm) I’ll just burn it’.
I was not okay, like what the heck, it had all of my school work in from the last 6 years which would take me years to make up for. I’ll shorten the next bit for convenience, I moved things to my car and the next day I went to my best friend’s house.
However, my sister was in on it too. She (19F) I was close with came to my room in the night and screamed at me calling me ungrateful and how full of myself I was to even think I would cry over that all my things had been taken from my room.
AITJ for being ungrateful for my mother ‘cleaning my room'”
Another User Comments:
“Need more context because this story sounds like a mom trying to teach her daughter some responsibilities. Usually happens when kids ignore their parents and think that they are the smartest ones there and then when parents are fed up with their lazy offspring and show them that all they want from kids is to keep their room in check by annihilating their space.
How many times have your mom told you that you need to keep your room in check, how many times have you ignored or promised her to do but never did that? Of course, your mom might have some mental issues but this post only tells that she is fed up with your ignorance unless she never said anything like that to you and this happened out of the blue.” forgeries
Your sister doesn't sound like she will be much help - again, is she the favourite child and does she have form for bullying you? If her behaviour is also new, she might be acting out because she has spotted something strange about your mother and she is scared.
5. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Spend More Time With Me And Our Baby?
“So I (19F) and my partner (24M) have a 9-month-old. My partner works in retail from 8 am-4 pm. These past few weeks instead of coming home from work at 4, he’ll go get dinner and drinks with friends and normally comes home around 9:30.
So these past few weeks, besides him Facetiming me for about 10 minutes before he’d go out with his friends each night, our son hasn’t seen him outside of that phone call, since he leaves when (usually) we’re still asleep and comes home after bedtime.
So I’ve been doing all childcare and I’m a bit burnt out, but it’s manageable. My son is an easy baby & I love spending time with him but it hurts me that his dad isn’t spending time with him, the baby does not seem affected by the absence.
He got home after going out tonight, took a shower, and told me he was going to bed. I told him I had been waiting to spend time with him all day and would like to at least see him for a little bit before he went to sleep since recently we barely see each other.
He got mad and said that he has a good sleeping schedule and I’m trying to ruin that because I have a bad one, that I can complain about how he spends his time if I get a job, that he just must not be allowed any time to himself since he’s the bad guy if we don’t do anything together.
He told me I’ve changed since having the baby and all I do is nag now and it makes him want to avoid me, then went to sleep.
AITJ? I get it, he works, and he was tired, I just wish I saw him more.
I understand if I was wrong though!”
Another User Comments:
“Seriously, this guy is a jerk. It makes me sad you aren’t sure if he’s being a jerk. Nothing about this is ok to you or as a father.
When he’s at work you’re at work too, by the way, taking care of the baby is a job and you’re not getting any time off, and then getting gaslit and emotionally mistreated by this jerk. Life will be better without him, and seriously get the child support.
It took me a year to work up the courage to put the child support request in, but you need and deserve it.” something free
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have isolated yourself taking care of the baby. It happens to many people, especially in the first year after the baby is born.
(Don’t kick yourself – it just happens) You have made your partner your only social outlet. That’s not a healthy way to live. Time to take care of YOU. Many churches have what are called Mother’s Day Out programs where you can take your child for a few hours a couple of times a week.
Some in-home daycares take drop-offs as well. There’s nothing wrong with needing time for yourself away from the baby. It will be good for the baby, you, and your relationship. Get online and find someplace to take baby a couple of times a week.
Hugs and Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is being an absent father by not contributing to the childcare one bit and choosing to spend his time going out with friends. I’m also surprised you were as nice as you were to him because I’m also a father to a 9-month-old with a stay-at-home wife and my wife would NOT be that nice to me if I pulled that stunt.
He doesn’t respect you or your son and I don’t know why he would choose to have a kid if this is how he’s gonna parent.” shinyregigigas
4. AITJ For Not Inviting My Critical Grandmother To My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in the next few years. We just recently got engaged and haven’t set a date yet, but we’re compiling our guest list now so we can decide on a venue to hold our guests.
My grandmother has a rocky relationship with me and my siblings. She is technically a step grandma, but we have a lot of those so it doesn’t make a difference to us. She’s not a very kind lady when you know her on a personal level, though she puts on a “good Christian” front when you meet her.
I recently recovered from a sickness that caused me to lose weight at a very rapid pace. It left me at an unhealthy weight, and I’ve started gaining it back. She commented recently that I’m starting to look as “big as a barge”, and I need to start “doing whatever I was doing before again”.
It should be noted, I did not tell many people of my sickness, as I was somewhat ashamed of it.
This is not the first time she’s made comments like this, either. She has made comments to my older sister and younger brother in the same regard; commenting on weight or appearance, even when we were young and impressionable.
As I was putting together my side of the guest list for my family, I didn’t put her down. My Maid of Honor asked me if I had forgotten her, and I told her I didn’t want her there.
My Maid of Honor knows of the situations I’ve experienced with her, but told me that it’s unkind to not invite her because she still “saw me grow up”.
The idea of having her there is causing a bit of panic in me.
I don’t dress up often, and I want to feel beautiful on our wedding day. If she makes a snide remark, I know it will damper our day. Her comments don’t get to me like they used to, but part of me still cares what she thinks.
So, AITJ for not inviting my Grandmother to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“I will say NTJ. It is your wedding you have complete control on who you can invite or not invite. It is none of your Maid of Honor’s business in the first place.
A wedding though joyful is stressful, to say the least, and you need to keep it stress stress-free as possible. If your grandmother is offended you can politely tell her the reason why. She may not like it, and some of your families may not like it.
Too bad, so sad is my opinion.” macross1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not automatically required to give an invitation to your wedding to someone because they have watched you grow up. If that were the case, I’d invite long-time classmates that I perceive as acquaintances to my wedding.
Also, it’s your wedding. You have full control over what you choose to do.” 7O7K
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, your big day. You can invite whomever you want to your wedding. This day is about you and your partner, not her.
It doesn’t sound like you’re excluding her for petty reasons or out of spite that you might regret in a few years; it sounds like you genuinely don’t have a good relationship with her and you’d be much happier without her there.
Do what’s best for you — and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!” Aerelai
3. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay For Her Concert Ticket After She Bailed On Us?
“AITJ? I just need another point of view is all. I (19f) am currently on a trip with my childhood friend (19m) who I’ll call A to see a concert in another state.
Originally my college roommate (19f) who I’ll call N was supposed to come with us. A had bought our tickets for us since at the time I was not working and both N and I agreed to pay him back, this was in December.
About a month ago N told me she would be unable to go since she forgot that she had signed up for something she volunteers for every year in her town.
I was upset because this was not the first time she had bailed on me but I understood and proceeded to try and find someone else to go with me.
No one was able to go (the person I had asked to take her place had a last-second family emergency) so A called to see if he could get a refund to no avail. Now the price of the ticket isn’t something we can just throw away, being about $90 so I messaged N to see if she could help us out as it was her ticket and we were in a predicament because she had forgotten about something she does every year.
She proceeded to tell me it was my fault for procrastinating and that it was not her fault she had responsibilities she needed to attend to. She stated that I don’t give a rat’s behind about this situation since she has been trying to help (she hasn’t really) and that she’s done more in the last few hours than I have in the month (I have indeed been searching for someone to take her place and to try and figure out refunds).
So, AITJ for asking my friend to pay for her ticket?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She agreed to go on the trip and needs to repay you for the ticket you got for her. She’s trying to slide out of this obligation.
I guess while you’re trying to get her to do the right thing, you could also try to resell it. You might be lucky even though it’s last minute. I hope she pays you. It’s always sad when our “friends” turn out to be not such friends after all.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“She needs to pay that. This happened to me. I paid for the hotels of our friend group. One decided not to come and said she would not pay. We couldn’t cancel. So I am left to pay for two rooms. Super inconsiderate.
I mentioned this to my group and gladly everyone pitched in to help pay for that room. NTJ” No_Appointment_7142
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The money needs to be transferred to you before you pay for anything whether that be tickets or a hotel room.
This is not a friend. She can buy her tickets next time and you will not give her any grace. She’s blown that chance. Morally she needs to pay you, but she’ll likely not and there may be little you can do about it as the ticket is in your name.
Just see if you can sell it, even at the concert. You may have to sell it cheaper but being out $20 is better than being out $90.” KitchenDismal9258
2. AITJ For Refusing To Be The Middleman Between My Mom And Dad?
“So, my dad (41M) recently got out of jail, and he has been doing pretty okay so far. He had contacted me through my cousin and we started writing digital letters to each other.
My dad has been clean for almost a year and finally doing his due diligence. He’s even paying back the child support that he’s in debt to. When I (21F) told my mom (43F) this she started to ask me if I write him and if I had been calling him.
She would ask this probably weekly I noticed, or every time we would be on a call.
Now some background to their relationship. My dad was a huge jerk to her. Infidelity, stealing her car when she was pregnant with me, stealing her credit cards, crashing at her place when he was at his lowest even when they broke up.
Just when I was 19 did she cut ties with him when he popped up again at her house (in a high state as well, not THC), and had to call the police on him so he could leave her property.
Though now, since he has contact with me, being very remorseful, I’ve told my mom snippets of our conversations since she would ask. I told her that he asked if my mom still hated him, though she said no. However anytime my dad reminds me of the child support check and I tell her about it she gets in a frenzy, saying how much she hates him.
Now with the current situation, she had called me asking me to tell my dad about Snowfall saying that my dad would love the show and it would resonate with him. I jokingly said that she could tell him. Though, she scrunched her face and said, “Why would I do that?
Just tell him!” And I kept saying no.
Mom said I was a huge jerk (I don’t know if it was jokingly but it’s hard to tell with my mother) for not telling him and insisting she does, and that I’m being “flip-floppy”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Under no circumstances should you entertain this idiotic “conversational middle person” nonsense among your acquaintances, never mind your parents. It would be one thing if this were information that needed to be communicated. But this is conversation.
“Oh, have you seen that show, Snowfall?” is just conversation. If she wants to have a conversation with your father, she should do so. If she never wants to have a conversation with him again, sounds fair enough given his behavior in the past. But she doesn’t get to have a conversation with him *through you.* That would be weird.
And extremely annoying. Because once you’ve agreed to say this to your father, your mother will expect you to relay his response, won’t she? And then she’ll be, “Well, tell him that …” and it’s just never going to end. You are correct to shut this down with a firm but polite “no” in the first place.
Avoids an exasperated and rude “leave me alone, Mom” later on.” Psychological-Wall-2
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. Your mom is very wary of establishing any relationship with your dad. This is obvious. She wants to make safe overtures to him and she can do that through you.
She doesn’t want to talk to him. Imagine the ton of trauma he put her through, so much of it you don’t know because she didn’t tell you to protect you. Any discussion, if they have any again, is going to take time.
Give her this space. Convey the message.” goldenfingernails
1. AITJ For Going To Cedar Point With A Female Friend And Sharing A Hotel Room?
“So am I the jerk? I have been with my partner for over a year and she is the best thing that has happened to me. We have an amazing relationship and are open with each other, talk about any situation that comes our way and we don’t get jealous of each other.
With that being said, this is what is going on: I want to go to Cedar Point for my birthday. I want my partner to go so bad but she can’t ride the rides because of her vertigo. How she explains it is bad and it throws her balance off bad to where she has had to go to the ER.
She said she wanted me to still go and see if any of my friends could go. She didn’t want my birthday to not be fun. So I asked a couple of my friends and my one friend who is a female 32, we have been friends for 10 years.
There have never been any romantic feelings towards Sally and me, we are platonic friends with a capital P and my partner knows that and loves her as a friend as well. We will call my female friend Sally. She said she would love to go so we had to get a hotel room for one night with 2 beds so we wouldn’t have to leave at 5 am.
Also, my partner is also okay with this, she even helped me look for a good-priced room. I have asked and have had multiple conversations with my partner to make sure she is okay with this because I know that’s normal but she has told me yes.
It’s okay, she wants me to enjoy my birthday and have a good time. So this is where I feel like the jerk because my one friend said I should be ashamed that I’m going with another female and staying in a hotel with her and said that my partner should break up with me and that if her husband ever did that she would divorce him.
Am I in the wrong for going my partner has made dinner plans for the day after my birthday over 3 months ago so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – All three parties involved were okay with it.
You checked in with your partner multiple times to ask if she was comfortable. She assured you she was, and was involved in the planning process. Everything about this shows healthy communication, lack of insecurity, and total trust in each other.
What a wonderful relationship. That friend needs to keep her opinion to herself. She isn’t involved in your relationship.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“As everyone knows a man and woman cannot sleep in the same room without it automatically leading to romance (it’s science, don’t blame me), this is ridiculous.
Maybe it’s the pheromones, but even sleeping in separate beds can’t stop nature, as studies have shown a man will sleepwalk over to the other bed and the couple will engage in sleep romance without even realizing it.
Again: science. Hopefully, I’m kidding. If your partner is genuinely okay with you going and staying in the same room, what’s the issue? If all 3 of you truly trust everyone else to act the way you should, isn’t that all that matters?
Maybe ask your partner if she’d feel more comfortable with the two of you staying in separate rooms, but there’s only so much you can do here. If she says she’s fine, she’s fine and, again, that’s all that matters.
NTJ” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“Out of respect for your partner, I would not be going with another woman regardless if there are no feelings towards her. You can do anything else for your birthday and is it that important to go without her?
She can still go and be part of the day and not do the rides but have a hotel room as well with her. Not even separate rooms is odd.” Golf_Gurl_18
