People Get Clarity After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Skipping An Intervention For My Overweight Niece?
“I’m the youngest of 6 and, for whatever reason, the way that things seem to get handled is your siblings all gather and they basically tell you you’re messing up and you need to stop.
Rarely does this work, but, it’s the way it goes down.
My oldest sibling has a daughter who’s 14 and weighs 220+ pounds. Now, you will hardly ever hear about how sweet or bright of a kid she is. No, my siblings just focus on how heavy she is and how much spoiling my brother does.
My siblings decided to call one of their intervention gatherings. I said I wasn’t going to participate. When pressed on why, I said it seemed goofy and that we weren’t exactly breaking the news to him.
I skipped it, they went over to his place and gave him their lecture.
I got a barrage of texts and calls that said I was co-signing an unhealthy lifestyle and that I don’t want what’s best for her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t imagine a scenario in which a 14-year-old who weighs 220 pounds isn’t aware of the problem.
The most important part of a true intervention is where there are specific actions with specific consequences and I don’t see where your family took any steps to get actual professional help for the teenager. If I were you, I would reach out to the teenager and offer support whether it’s coaching, emotional support, etc., to actually help as you are able.
Everyone in the family ganging up on a teenager who probably already has some self-esteem issues seems like a recipe for disaster.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I will probably be downvoted for this but I’m going to for YTJ. Especially because of your comments.
I think a lot of people are misreading OP’s post. The intervention was held for their brother the niece’s, guardian. Not the niece herself. If the niece is significantly overweight, then he is being a neglectful parent by reinforcing unhealthy lifestyle choices and eating habits.
You yourself said they held it when the niece wasn’t there. Maybe it is not done in a malicious manner, but the fact remains that if you as a guardian have a child that is unhealthy whether it be illness or diet, it is neglectful if you’re not taking any active steps to help deal with your child’s health issues.
You literally said “No, he’s just a giver/people pleaser, he gives and gives. She wants junk food, he gives it.” I’m sorry but stuffing your child with junk food is terrible and neglectful behavior, we should all be ensuring that those under our care are getting balanced, nutritious, and healthy meals.
From your own comment and the fact your 14-year-old niece weighs over 220lbs, it’s obvious he has not been doing that and nothing is going to change unless the primary carertake pulls his finger out his ear and starts putting in some fundamental changes for his daughter’s health.” BlessedBySaintLauren
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sorry, it is insane that a 14-year-old weighs 220 lbs. I am comfortable and confident in saying that that is mistreatment. If a child weighs 70 lbs at 14, none of you would feel uncomfortable about saying this is wrong, yet you’d let a child eat themselves into morbid obesity, destroy their body, self-esteem, and health because “it’s mean to say anything”.
The father is watching this happen. He is watching his child self-destruct and he sees nothing wrong with it. I am not a fan of interventions in general, I think they’re pointless. But at some point, you have to acknowledge that if you don’t say something, you are culpable.
This wasn’t confronting the child, it was confronting the father. The child was not involved. And he needs to be confronted because he is harming his child. When is the point to pull the brakes? When she’s 300 lbs at age 16? Or 500 lbs at 18? And I will say this.
Very very few children eat themselves into morbid obesity without cause. And one of those causes is the kind of thing that should happen to no child ever. Her father ignoring her comfort eating is masking a much deeper and much bigger problem. And that should be helped now, not when she reaches the point of such complete misery that she can’t turn back.” Meatkingofchicago
20. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Shuttle Seat To A Flight Crew At An Airport Hotel?
“I was at an airport hotel for a conference. Upon arrival, it took an hour of messing around for the hotel shuttle – it only held six passengers. A number of co-workers got bumped for flight crews going to the hotel.
Upon checking out, I asked to reserve a shuttle seat.
The front desk said it was first come first served. Knowing the issues upon arrival and that it held only 6 people, I was first in line, 10 minutes early. I boarded as did 2 pilots. One pilot counted the seats and talked quietly to the driver, who told me to get off as 4 flight attendants were coming down and needed the seat.
I refused, as I had a flight to catch, was there first, and got screwed on arrival so asked the hotel how things worked.
The pilot bullied me and claimed his airline reserved the whole shuttle. I asked the driver to get the manager to sort out the “first come first serve” policy vs the pilot’s claim of reserving the whole van.
The pilot backed down and we left behind 2 of the crew.
So, should I have given up my seat? I was burned on arrival, so asked the rules, planned ahead, and got on first. I recognize the hotel probably has a contract to transport the airline crew but the root of the problem is a 6-person van for an airport hotel.”
Another User Comments:
“I’d bet that the airline in fact does pay the hotel as part of their lodging contract to get their employees to and from the hotel on time. Not quite the same as reserving it for the whole crew, but the hotel is obligated to get the entire crew to the airport in time to perform their duties and depart on time.
Maybe that’s not your problem, and I’m not sure it makes you a jerk. It is the hotel’s obligation, not yours. They could have insisted you allow the flight crew to go ahead of you. You’d be upset, complain, maybe never stay there again, but that airline is probably booking many rooms, daily, 365 days a year.” SteelGemini
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe I’ve spent too long working in/adjacent to hospitality, but my biggest question from your story is this, what sort of hotel only has a minivan (or midsize SUV, I guess, lol) as a shuttle? The closest thing to Schitt’s Creek in my area has a 22-passenger bus, the off-brand in town has the usual 15-passenger van, and I live in Wisconsin.” Snowball-in-heck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and forget those entitled jerks. I have worked with a lot of aviators in my life (did avionics engineering in DoD for a long time) and the vast majority are just regular people. However, the ego guys seem to be worse as pilots than other types of ego guys.
Maybe watching too much Top Gun or something. Don’t let it bother you, in fact, take it as a positive because you got the better of some entitled jerk. High five to you.” Random-OldGuy
19. AITJ For Choosing To Stay In India With My Husband Instead Of Moving To The US?
“My husband (26M) and I (28F) met in India while he was on a business trip.
We met on an app and it wasn’t meant to be anything more than just getting to know each other, but admittedly we fell in love while doing long distance.
I wasn’t comfortable uprooting my life, so after my husband got a promotion he chose to move to his company’s India office.
We got married in India and his siblings, cousins, mom’s family, and friends flew down to attend our wedding.
My husband’s dad (48M) couldn’t attend the wedding as he’s completely paralyzed waist down after he and his wife (33F) got into an accident. His wife is alive but has been in a coma for the last 2 years.
Their daughter is 6 and is now placed with a relative’s family.
My FIL is really upset about my husband’s decision to move to India as before he met me, he was supposed to move to his father’s home to take care of his half-sister. So his father accuses my husband of abandoning his family.
His father also accuses me of encouraging my husband to abandon his family by not wanting to move to the US. I don’t want to move to the US because I lost my dad a few years ago and my mom will be alone if I leave.
I never forced my husband to move to India.
My MIL passed away five years ago and his siblings have no problem with him or his decision to live in India.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your husband has chosen the life he wants for himself, as he has every right to do.
While his dad’s situation is unfortunate your husband is not obligated to give up his life and wants because of it, and his dad seems quite selfish to expect it and irrational to be blaming you.” Actual-Zebra-5284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your FIL needs to accept that your husband is an adult who made his own decision.
However, you may want to clarify with your husband that he is not using you as a scapegoat when talking to his father. If so, your husband needs to make it clear to his father that this was his choice and stop throwing you under the bus.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The level of familial dedication his father is asking for is a very beautiful thing, but it’s a deeply personal decision. We don’t know his family history or level of connection to his family, and it is admittedly a tragic situation that his FIL is facing, but I personally believe that parents are owed ZERO by their children, and any sense of abandonment your husband’s father is feeling is just the weight of his situation.
A 26-year-old moving to start his own family takes precedence over old dedications IF that’s what the 26-year-old decides. If I were him I would be very concerned about what was happening to my half-sister and maybe looking into getting custody of her (which would be something to talk to my new wife about, because she and I get 50/50 power in that decision-making process!) but I would not be looking to bend over backward to help my dad, but that’s just my situation.” DanXan8558
18. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Sister Rent For My House?
“My sister and her husband are looking for a place to stay for a few months, and it happens that I bought a house a year ago that I’m not using at the moment and it happens to be very close to my brother-in-law’s job.
I offered to rent my house for a reasonable price based on the area, but now my mom says since they’re family I should just let them use it for free after all they’ll be living there for around 3 months. I explained to her that they have been taking things from me for free like the internet service I pay for, as well as streaming apps that are suspended now because I’m struggling with money at the moment and they haven’t even suggested to pay for them once.
For context, we all are living with my parents as my brother-in-law and I are starting new jobs, I’m working from home so I pay for the internet service since I require a fast internet speed.
I know it’s petty but I don’t want to give them anything else for free while I struggle to pay my bills so I put my foot down and said that if they want to I can rent them my house if not there’s plenty of other houses for rent in the city.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But my suggestion is DON’T. This sounds like drama in the making. What’s going to happen, if in the future, you decide you want your house back but they don’t want to leave? In most places, they’ll have established tenancy, and getting them out will be a major pain in the rear.
Not to mention not cheap. Plus, things like this have a tendency to split up families. IMO, you shouldn’t rent to friends or family. It’s bad business.” Eva-Dragon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Checking all of your boxes and treating them like regular tenants will save you a lot of heartache down the road.
It’s always bad to mix family and money. If they end up overstaying their welcome, having the paper trail will be important if you need to evict them. If you could be renting it to someone else, giving it to them free has a cost to you.
However, since you’re all living with your parents, are you contributing to your parents’ expenses (other than the internet since you’d need it wherever you lived for work)? If not, don’t be surprised if Mom asks you for rent too.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“Eh… you’re not really the jerk, technically, but I get why your mom is annoyed at you. She’s doing you a big favor by letting you work out of her house – is the money that you’ve said you give her “a reasonable price based on the area?” From her perspective, she’s asking you to do her a favor back by giving your sister a place to live for three months, and you’re saying no because you want to get money out of your sister.
It’s a messy situation, but I really don’t think you should keep going with this rent angle unless you’re willing to risk your mom getting inspired by your business acumen. Just say they can’t live there because of the renovation stuff, and stop trying to nickel and dime them about your Netflix.
No jerks here.” Powerful-Net7529
17. AITJ For Not Adding My Partner's Name To The Mortgage Of The House I'm Buying?
“AITJ for not putting my (29F) partner’s name (30M) on the mortgage?
A little background: I just moved back home from a large city to a smaller city – closer to family for a better job. My partner is currently in the larger city where we rent a townhome while he’s trying to find a job so he can follow me.
I’m currently looking to purchase a home in this TERRIBLE buyer’s market. My dad is insistent on buying so I don’t keep on wasting money on renting but the market is really bad here. I found a house that I’m OBSESSED with (outside of my budget) but my dad is offering to help with the down payment significantly, allowing me to just repay him over time.
My partner won’t be putting any money down on a payment.
My partner said that if his name isn’t on the mortgage, then he refuses to pay me “rent” when he moves down here and in with me. He also thinks that I shouldn’t buy a house right now since the market is so terrible and he doesn’t know if we’ll like the area yet since I’ve only grown up here and haven’t lived here since I was a child.
I feel like he’s being really controlling over this issue, but I’m trying to see it from his side, as well. He’s getting his grandmother’s ring re-set to propose and he’s really making the effort to move down here. I know he feels left out of the process, but I guess I just don’t understand why he can’t wait to be put on the mortgage until we’re married?”
Another User Comments:
“There are several issues in play here. First, No jerks here.
1. Never put someone else on your mortgage if they haven’t contributed equally. IMO, even if you’re married.
2. Your partner is right. This is not a good time to buy.
3. For a couple looking to get engaged, you’re accusing him of being controlling when it seems you’re making a lot of decisions he’s not involved in or on board with.
That’s fine for you, but not as a couple. I don’t blame him for not wanting to pay rent on a home he may not want in a place he may not like and for a property he has no input in. If I were him and if I still moved, I’d probably want to just get my own place and reevaluate.
4. You shouldn’t buy a home you can’t afford. Will you be able to afford it without your SO’s help/rent? Buy a home you can afford by yourself. Because you may end up on your own. When you get married, you’re becoming part of a couple and need to look at things as a couple and come to decisions together.
You may not be ready for this or you may not be ready for this with him. The two of you need to talk things through together. And maybe just rent for a while to make sure you like things there. But again, do not put him on the mortgage until he’s putting in equal financing.
And don’t buy anything you cannot afford easily on your own and that allows you to save. Owning a home isn’t just about the mortgage payment. It’s an ongoing money suck. I say this as a single homeowner who enjoys her home but does get frustrated with it.” Dangerous_Prize_4545
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn between no jerks here and everyone’s a jerk. You guys need to be on the same page. Ultimately, you have the resources of your dad giving you a lot of money. He doesn’t. He’s not ready to be a homeowner and doesn’t want to feel unequal in the relationship.
Not everyone views renting as “throwing away money”. He views it as a chance to experience something and have the freedom to move on if it doesn’t work out. I personally like having an apartment with a landlord/super who takes care of major repairs, dealing with taxes, etc. But I wouldn’t want my SO to be my landlord.
You’re looking for your relationship to be a landlord/tenant relationship. He’s also not sure about that city. You seem to be more into your dad’s opinion on homeownership than your partner’s….and Baby Boomers have a very different view than Millennials. What’s your plan once you get married?
Have you together looked into the laws regarding property you bought before marriage if you divorce? Will you always require rent? And how much will rent be as compared to other home expenses? As “landlord” are you paying all taxes? All major home repairs? Your partner might be better off renting his own apartment for a year and then reevaluating if he’s happy there.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here if I’m being honest. You and your dad are investing a lot in a house for you and while it’s not necessarily your partner’s fault that he’s not in a place to contribute, it’s more than reasonable to not want to put an unmarried partner on a mortgage that they haven’t contributed equally to.
HOWEVER, I can also see his perspective. I too don’t like the idea of moving a partner in and having them pay part of a mortgage that they’re not on, ESPECIALLY when y’all aren’t married. It basically puts him in the same position as your father is so insistent on getting you both out of, investing in someone else’s future security and wealth while taking away from his chances to do so himself.
It’s reasonable for him to want assurances that you will BOTH benefit from paying the same mortgage, rather than just you. Also, I think a person is allowed to be “controlling” about where they live and the circumstances of their housing? He wants to plan a life with you and yet he’s being swept into the whole life plan where you buy a house in an area he’s not familiar with so you can be near your family, and he doesn’t seem to be given many options here.
It’s an uneasy and uncomfortable position to be in, especially since buying now in a bad market gives your father a lot of financial control over you two, whereas if you waited for a better market he might be more in a position to contribute and be on equal footing.
Hard to say where to go from here, but I hope this helps see his side of things at the very least.” MapOfProblematique
16. AITJ For Inviting My Nephew, Born From An Affair, To My Son's Birthday Party?
“My sister had an affair with my married brother-in-law which resulted in my nephew. Nobody from my husband’s family has anything to do with my sister or her son, except for my husband who has met his nephew a few times.
My brother-in-law’s wife knows but none of their children do.
My son’s birthday was last weekend and we had a party for him. My nephew is 3 now and very close to my son (who is 4) so I decided to invite him, I told my sister she couldn’t stay because that wouldn’t be fair to my sister-in-law but it would be nice for my nephew to still come.
She agreed because I know deep down it hurts her that my brother-in-law or his family won’t even acknowledge or meet her son.
I knew this wouldn’t be a popular decision and while I don’t regret it, I’m wondering if I was the jerk.
My brother-in-law avoided his son like the plague. He was so angry with me that my husband made him leave after he called me a mean person. My father-in-law asked me what game I was playing and accused me of stirring up old trouble again for no reason.
My sister-in-law was really upset too, so she left with my brother-in-law and their kids.
My husband was also furious at me and said I had no right to invite him and that our son’s birthday wasn’t the time and place for this.
I don’t think it’s fair to keep excluding my nephew as he doesn’t have any other family and our son is close to him so having him at the party also made our son happy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for punishing a 3-year-old for the sins of his parents.
You a little less because you seem to be trying, by why should your sister only bear the brunt of being ostracized? Great that you’re trying to include him, but he will catch on that you, along with everyone else, hates his mom. Y’all need to grow up and support the little guy.
You’ll be the jerk if you keep siding with your BIL who was the married one (not your sister, right, or you’d have said she was married at the time too), who is IGNORING his own child and who has seemed to have somehow managed to get his family to freeze his own son and your sis out while he is forgiven and accepted. That’s who you’re gonna keep siding with if you don’t do a better job of supporting your sister.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“”I told my sister she couldn’t stay because that wouldn’t be fair to my sister-in-law but it would be nice for my nephew to still come.” So your sister can never attend her nephew’s birthday and your nephew has to be there on his own but your BIL who is more at fault is free to come?
Everyone sucks here. “My husband was also furious at me and said I had no right to invite him and that our son’s birthday wasn’t the time and place for this.” Sounds like this is the first birthday party for your son that your nephew has been allowed to attend.
You are also letting your husband dictate that your nephew is of less importance than his side of the family. I bet you don’t even alternate attendance by your family and his but have made your sister a pariah. Won’t be surprised if all the holidays follow this pattern.
Your nephew isn’t “old trouble.” I feel sorry for your son and your sister’s son. Kids will find out eventually and your son will judge you and your husband for how you treat who is ending up to be his best friend.” Kamic1980
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and the whole family for one main reason, you punish your sister but not your brother-in-law. I don’t care about the package deal nonsense, if you love your sister and your nephew then stick up for them. She shouldn’t have slept with him but she certainly didn’t force him, so if she’s not invited neither is he.
I can’t help but feel like you’re a terrible sister, you don’t even stick up for her. Your husband has his brother’s back. If they give you this much grief over it then you’re better off divorced anyway because God forbid you ever make any kind of mistake.
I hate this nonsense trope that women have to be punished for infidelity or being with a married man but if it was a man then it’s okay. You are part of the problem.
I read your comments and I think you are more worried about everybody else’s feelings and saying she did a lot of wrong, clearly stating that she’s an issue and you won’t force your husband to put up with her but you are willing to put up with your brother in law and he did the same amount of wrong.
YOU’RE AN EVEN BIGGER JERK for defending everyone else but not your sister and by association your nephew. I hope your sister gets wise and finds a new chosen family because you suck.” Adventurous-Bird087
15. AITJ For Cutting Off Financial Support To My Daughter But Not My Son?
“Eight years ago my wife left me after two-timing was discovered. Despite having 50/50 custody of our children (F 21, M19) they wanted to live with my ex so I was okay with it as long as I could see them. I worked more and got a better income and covered all their extra expenses even after the youngest turned 18.
I even paid towards the college funds by myself despite it being court-ordered that both would pay equally towards it. In addition to paying tuition, I paid for any other expenses (car, expensive clothing, electronics, holidays, etc) even though after a while my daughter went almost no contact.
She sends me texts with the amount and where to send it and I send the money.
Two weeks ago my son turned up on my doorstep after I hadn’t heard from him in two months. He told me that my daughter dropped out of college after a few months and that I have been funding their mother’s and her new children’s lifestyle all these years as her affair partner left her after their third child.
My daughter has been using me as has my son to help their mother and their own lifestyle.
Upon finding this out I stopped the money train. Turns out that neither my ex nor my daughter works and they have used my cash to fund their lifestyle.
Now they can get evicted if I don’t continue to pay. I am not cutting out my son as he came clean.
AITJ for stopping the funds on my daughter and not my son?
Edit: My son is taking a gap year now and will live with me, my wife, and my two younger children.
I have told him that he can live her for free and that he will get an allowance but come this fall he needs to either get a part-time job or go back to college.
She also wants my younger children 3 and 1 to move out with my wife until their financial situation is sorted. She believes I owe it to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’ve been scamming you. You were paying on the premise of covering important expenses. They’re just been bankrolling their mom’s leisure.
Cut your son off too. But invite him in. Talk. Tell him you’re hurt by the betrayal and thank him for telling you the truth. If he wants help, have him come to you so you can make payments directly. Talk to him about trust. And forgive him (probably).
Be a partner in building his life, rather than a piggy bank.” nottheonlyone007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for deciding to not fund the sister. Not only was she toxic and manipulative, but she’s also a GROWN adult. In fact, you don’t need to fund your son but at the end of the day, it’s your money.
As long as he wants to become part of the family, open up to him and start a proper healthy relationship. Your daughter needs to literally be on her knees to even start a conversation with you. And she wants you to kick your now WIFE AND CHILDREN out???
They’re literally TODDLERS! OP prioritize your children (toddlers) first before anyone right now because they are your responsibility. Next is your wife, I’m assuming she’s not a jerk and is a decent human being. Third, is your son. And then, that’s it.
If you love your daughter, money is not going to help her. YOU will be the jerk if you do end up helping her financially because then you’ll be enabling her behavior. Treat her right by not treating her at all. That’s the best thing you can do as a father right now because then she’ll see for herself what she’s done to herself and what her mother has done to her.
Hopefully, then she’ll actually mature and grow.” aangstyy
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NOT the jerk. You appear to be a very good parent. I suggest that you let your daughter know that you still love her and would like to reconnect, but because she isn’t in college or working to support herself, the free ride is over.
The situation with your son is different. He should be encouraged to find a part-time job that allows him time for his therapy. As you already said, he can live with you for the summer and will receive a stipend to help with his expenses.
Then in the fall, he needs to either get a full-time job or start college. Continuing to support your ex-wife and adult daughter is actually depriving your current wife and the children you have with her. You need to prioritize your new family while still supporting your son as he becomes a productive member of society.
I’m afraid that your daughter has gone too far down the path that her mother took. Good luck in whatever you decide, but please prioritize your current family. This situation will definitely have a detrimental effect on your current family if you don’t do something soon.” yankeerebel62
14. AITJ For Refusing To Eat The Salad My Mom Made For My Diet?
“My (19f) mom made dinner for me and my family (dad and brother 17m) last night. She made chicken Parmesan and potatoes for my dad, brother, and herself, and for me, she made a special salad with avocados and kale. The problem is the reason she did this is she has decided that I need to go on a diet.
I am slightly overweight for my height, and my doctor has said I’m fine but shouldn’t gain any more. My mom has decided though that I am on a diet.
I went to put some potatoes on my plate and she told me I can’t have any and have to eat my salad.
Honestly, it just makes me feel really bad because my brother is also overweight and she doesn’t judge him or control his food. I asked my mom if I could have some chicken and salad and she said no. In the end, I ended up refusing to eat because it just makes me feel lousy about myself and I don’t even like kale.
My mum started crying and said I’m ungrateful and all she wants to do is help me, and my dad snuck me some leftover chicken to my room after dinner but told me I could be more receptive to my mom’s advice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That isn’t even how you lose weight that’s how you get someone to develop a disorder, so no you’re not the jerk. Also on a side note I’ve noticed a correlation between people who don’t know a lot about weight management and people who think salads with the current “superfoods” thrown in are the best weigh to lose weight.
I don’t know your mom I’m just saying she seems like the kind of person you don’t want to ask for diet advice so maybe do your own research IF at some point you feel like it.
Avocados have more calories than potatoes, chicken is such a diet staple that I could go on my favorite gym bro forum and get a bunch of picks from fit people eating chicken and broccoli right now why not include that in your meal when she’s making chicken anyway?
Giving someone a meal they don’t like and won’t eat a lot of negates any benefit of preparing a veggie-based meal that fills you up. Chicken parm is fine, if she wanted the meal to have fewer calories she should have just thrown some fibrous veggies on the plate to fill everyone up (as in something you actually like).
This seems like a very short-term plan where you eat stuff you don’t like until you lose weight but then what for goodness sake? The doctor even said you’re fine for now so a short-term crash diet wouldn’t even make sense if those tended to work.
Even if weight loss worked the way your mom seems to think it does enforcing it like that messes with people’s attitude towards food and can backfire massively.” ShiggnessKhan
Another User Comments:
“Hello. Dietitian here. Your mother is, not just out of line, but also adopting abusive behaviours, by: 1.
Making you eat a different meal than the rest of the family, instead of preparing a meal that is overall more balanced for every element present; 2. Giving you a dinner that can hardly even be called as such. Very low calorie, and (I’m guessing, from the brief description) with less than the ideal macronutrients.
Not only does she have absolutely no idea what she is doing, but she is planting the seed for a world of hurt and trouble for you. NTJ, but mommy dearest is.” Tadama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, your mom is the jerk for being so one-sided in trying to force her children with weight issues to lose weight.
Your brother is also overweight but your mom didn’t treat him any differently. Meanwhile, she’s outright banning you from having so much as a single serving of chicken parmesan and potatoes and forcing you to eat what she deems appropriate diet food. Furthermore, your dad lacks a spine to stand up to his wife and tell her the way she’s trying to get you to lose weight is completely unhealthy and abusive.
The fact that he has to sneak leftover chicken to you in your room like you’re a friggin’ prisoner proves this better than anything else! The idea he also sees your mom forcing you to eat what she deems appropriate for you as “advice” is beyond asinine as well.
Your mom has the right idea about wanting you to lose weight, but she’s going about it in the worst way possible and is going to cause you to resent her. Lastly, you’re an adult which you say she recognizes, but tries to control what you eat like you’re a child which is just another reason why your mom’s behavior is so unhealthy and hurtful.
Stay strong in standing up to your mom OP and find your own way to lose weight that allows you to feel good about yourself, but also maintain your health!” desolation29
13. AITJ For Not Wishing My Mom's Partner A Happy Father's Day?
“My (20f) parents (47f, 48m) got a divorce nearly 12 years ago. Two years after the divorce my mom started seeing Vincent (52m).
Their relationship was rocky, to say the least, off and on for what felt like forever. However, my mom likes to say they’ve been together for the full 10 years. I am indifferent to my mom’s partner. Our personalities don’t clash, but they don’t flow very well.
Which isn’t really an issue to worry about because he’s not my significant other.
Today my mother asked me if I had wished him a happy Father’s Day yet, to which I told her no, I hadn’t and I don’t plan to.
She got upset with me saying he’s “practically a father to me and he’s been around so long that I might as well.” The thing is, I have never seen him as a father figure, only as the man my mom is seeing.
Much to my dismay, he will occasionally introduce me as his kid despite me expressing my dislike for it.
My mother has a past of trying to guilt me into things, following suit she said things like “it would really mean a lot to me” and similar things.
Later she brought up the fact that they wanted to go to dinner but added “since you don’t see him as a father you might as well not go.” Even also bringing up my stepmother and how I wish her a happy Mother’s Day when the time comes around.
She has me feeling guilty because I used to wish him a happy Father’s Day when I was younger because I felt like I had no other choice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a difficult situation to be in and I’m extremely sorry that you’re stuck in the middle of this ordeal. If it helps, a buddy of mine is married to a woman who already has a 10-year-old.
One of the things my buddy told me is that “you never replace the child’s biological dad and even so I (buddy) never forced (insert child name) to call me dad/father because I see it as a privileged title, not a right.” My buddy spent years earning that title.
How? by being a loving and caring person to the child. It was only out of natural reaction would the child call him “dad”. I think to some degree this can be related to your situation where you’re being pinned to say “dad” or “mom” to someone that you don’t feel like they are your mom or dad.
Imagine if you’re in a relationship where your partner forces you to say “I love you” but you don’t mean it.” FriendlyIntegral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not your dad and you don’t see him as a father figure. Your mom saying that you should say that to him is weird because if you really don’t feel that way about him—the way in which he’s a father figure to you—and she guilts you into saying it anyway then the words don’t actually mean anything, which, to me, is worse than saying nothing at all.” Queen_E1204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think anyone can force you to wish a step-parent a happy Father’s/Mother’s Day if you’re not comfortable doing so. My parents split when I was about 8. My mum was with another man for 12 years after that until they eventually split.
To me, my step-dad has spent more time raising me than my actual dad, so I get them both a Father’s Day gift/card. My mum has a new partner who she’s been with for 4 years, don’t get me wrong I like him, we get on, but I’m not ready for a 3rd dad just yet.
And seeing as I’m now an adult I won’t be living with him like I was my step-dad. He wasn’t offended today by me not wishing him happy Father’s Day, I didn’t feel like I should have to wish it either.” HannaaaLucie
12. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors To Stop Feeding My Dogs?
“I have two dogs that are outside most of the time, they eat twice a day because they simply won’t eat more.
They also get a few treats every now and then. We started noticing dog treats in the shape of bones in our backyard (we don’t use them, our dogs don’t like them) we shrugged it off and thought they were old. Then my sister saw them throwing food at our dogs and kindly asked them to stop and our neighbors said they thought we were struggling financially and wanted to help us out.
My sister said thanks but no thanks.
A few weeks later we notice more dog treats and tell them to stop again and they say okay. About 10 min ago I went outside to bring my dog in and noticed the neighbor throwing hot dogs at her and as soon as she saw me she walked inside.
As she’s walking I’m telling her that it’s not necessary for her to feed them but she completely ignores me. My dogs are on a diet their vet put them on, and they’ve gotten sick from the food my neighbors threw at them before. We’ve told them to stop multiple times before but they just keep ignoring us.
So AITJ for telling my neighbors to stop feeding them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to start supervising your dogs and yard more often so that you can either throw the treats right back when they come over the fence or collect them before your dogs get a chance to eat them.
If none of the humans are home all day and no one is there to supervise the yard, then you need to find a different solution. It’s not good for your dogs to be left alone outside all day, and if they bark a lot, throwing the treats might be your neighbor’s way of trying to keep them quiet so they’re not barking all day long.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Obviously, your neighbors shouldn’t be feeding your dogs without your permission. However! You are also at fault for leaving your dogs outside. This is incredibly unhealthy for pack animals and creates unsocialized, bored dogs. I can’t tell you how many dogs I have had to rehabilitate and rehome because people left them outside.
Maybe your dogs are thin and they feel the need to feed them? Or they think the way you are housing them is cruel (it is) and are trying to supplement? Maybe your dogs bark all day? Doesn’t make what they are doing right, but might make it more understandable.” DogRescueLady
Another User Comments:
“So a few years ago someone in the area I live in was leaving treats out on the road of a common walking route for dogs. Some dogs in the area picked up these treats and got pretty sick because it was found whoever was leaving the treats was soaking them in anti-freeze and then leaving them out for the dogs.
I’m not saying your neighbors are doing this, but some people low-key really hate dogs enough to cause harm. All I’m saying is please be careful for your babies’ sake. The fact that your neighbors walked away and ignored you as you were talking to them says they’re afraid of getting caught, and whilst ignoring you is one thing, if they have their own agenda for getting rid of your animals you need to get proper protections in place now.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be The Primary Caregiver For My Cousin's Child?
“My parents took in my (maternal) cousin’s kid after she had to work in a different city (and I think she was going overseas for work but she didn’t, I don’t know why) and like the kid thrived here.
My parents kinda hinted at adopting him if my cousin did end up working overseas (she didn’t) and my younger sister and I weren’t really opposed to that. I was kind of looking forward to it actually.
Anyway, a few months later my parents brought him back to my mom’s relatives (my cousin lived there with him) because I, personally, “wasn’t taking care of him enough.”
Like I bathed him, changed his diaper, and fed him on top of my other responsibilities, (not entirely on my own, my sister and our cousins on our father’s side helped).
I realized they didn’t want me to babysit when my parents talked about wanting to have another kid but, “knowing” that my sister and I “wouldn’t take care of the kid,” “regretfully” gave up on the idea (and I’m pretty sure my mom got her tubes tied after my sister was born).
They want me (and my sister) to raise their kid. And talked about having to give up on the idea of having another kid like it’s my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. He’s not your child and what you did is more than enough.
To me, it looks like your parents regretted taking this responsibility and used you as a “we cannot do that” card. Tell your parents to adopt a dog if they are so bored.” LazuliDBabadook
Another User Comments:
“My mom had my niece stay every weekend with us, from Friday through Sunday.
It started when she was a baby until her parents got divorced when she was seven. Except my mom didn’t take care of her. It was me, at age 12, who had to bathe, feed, change diapers, and play with her. My mom got all the glory for being ‘so selfless’, taking the child in while I was the one who did all the work.
I don’t blame you at all, OP, for feeling the way you do. NTJ.” laurabun136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They cannot “have another kid” and “outsource the taking care of it part”. Having a kid means taking care of it. Not taking care of it, means not having a kid but just housing it.
And if your parents cannot even have a basic conversation about it with you and your sister, that implies they know they are doing something wrong here. Otherwise, they would have been bold enough for a sit-down.” GrassTerrible5262
10. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor When He Plans To Set Off Fireworks To Comfort My Anxious Dog?
“I live in a neighborhood where multiple homes set off fireworks for the 4th of July.
We moved into the neighborhood in October 2019. The past two years they’ve shot them on the actual 4th. Even though the 4th of July is a holiday, it is also a work night.
My dog is highly afraid of loud noises. I like to give him anti-anxiety meds and put him in the finished basement because it calms him.
If I give him the pill and get him in the basement about 30 minutes to 1 hour before it starts he is fine. If I don’t, he is terrified and won’t move or go outside for like a week or two after dark.
I saw my neighbor outside and asked if they were still going to do the fireworks on the 4th or a different night.
This way I could plan ahead. The neighbor got mad and stated he had every right to set off fireworks when he wanted to and fireworks on the 4th were a tradition. Then stated he shouldn’t have to change his celebration because some people and animals have anxiety.
I don’t know if he got complaints from other neighbors and I was just on the receiving end of his frustration. I am okay with him setting off fireworks. I just want to know when he is planning on doing so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you probably correctly guessed the actual issue.
In my area, where fireworks have always been legal, we’ve had tons of people moving in from out of state. A lot of them have meltdowns over fireworks, advocating new ordinances to ban them, trying to call the police for various loosely related ordinances any time they hear them, and even public shaming campaigns on social media platforms invariably bringing up pets and vets (PTSD).
People feel attacked, which is likely why he’s defensive.” tiger0204
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you were on the receiving end of his frustration. Let him know that you weren’t denying him his entertainment but that your dog is highly afraid (mine too) and you were just trying to plan ahead.
Ask him if he was getting grief over setting off fireworks. Me personally, I love the 4th and I love fireworks, I hate what it does to my dog. If someone came to me about their dog being afraid, I wouldn’t set them off, but that’s me.
However, when the neighborhood turns into a war zone of fireworks, that is when there needs to be a talk. Go talk to him. You were not being a jerk, you were looking out for your pupper and making sure that the neighbor wasn’t being alienated for setting off fireworks.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I suspect your neighbor was fed up with being asked to not do fireworks so he didn’t listen properly to what you said and thought you were complaining rather than just wanting to know when to be able to prepare your dog for the noise.
I know some people use TV/YouTube videos of fireworks and play them in increasing volume to try to desensitize the dog. This might be something you could investigate in the future.” OwnedByACrazyCat
9. AITJ For Forcing My Son To Finish His Food Before Leaving The Table?
“I (35M) have a (8M) son. My son has a history of wasting a lot of food.
He’ll sometimes only eat maybe 1/4 to half of his food and says he’s full and not hungry anymore. Then about 30 minutes to an hour later, he starts eating junk food. Ice cream, chips, and candy. This has been really annoying me lately. Especially since he sometimes doesn’t even want to eat his leftovers from yesterday’s dinner the next day.
So yesterday, while we were eating dinner, I told my son to not leave the table until he finished eating his food. He basically threw a little tantrum. I knew he wanted to eat the pie that was in the fridge which is why I told him to not leave the table until he finished eating.
It took him about a whole hour for him to calm down and finish his food finally.
After this, my wife came home. I told her what I did and she said that I was being too harsh on him. She said that I shouldn’t have forced him to eat his food.
She told me that what I did could cause our son to develop an eating disorder which I find to be ridiculous. I was basically told to never do what I did again.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Forcing a child to eat food when they aren’t hungry is cruel, even if it weren’t a risk factor for disordered eating in the future.
How would you feel if someone forced you to eat more than double what you had already eaten when you felt like you were full? Frankly, if you know he only eats 25-50% of the food you are putting in his plate, that means you are serving him too much food at once.
Seriously, smaller portions, and let him get seconds if he wants more. Besides, you aren’t even addressing the real problem, you were just reacting out of irritation. The real issue is that he is asking for junk food after he has rejected the real food.
There is a time-honored method for dealing with this: when he tells you that he is full, inform him that you will save the rest of his meal, and, should he get hungry again, he can eat the rest of the plate. Then, if he says he’s hungry, do not offer him anything other than the rest of his food.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Forcing a kid to eat is wrong. And yes, people do develop eating disorders from being forced to eat. Instead, just ban him from junk if he doesn’t eat dinner, and tell him that if he’s too full for real food, then he’s too full for junk food for the rest of the day.
It gives him a choice. Or just ban junk food from the house. And maybe his meals need to be portioned smaller. I could never do 3 meals a day because I got full easily, but I got hungry easily too, so I needed small meals frequently.
It’s also possible that you keep feeding him food that he can’t easily eat because texture easily makes a food inedible.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Children are finicky eaters, unfortunately. They don’t eat as much as adults. They also will skip meals and snack when they are allowed to do so.
There are some things that you can do to encourage your son to eat his meals:
- Tell your son that there will be no dessert, candy, or other snacks except healthy ones like fruit if he does not finish his dinner
- Give your son small, child-sized portions of food.
Most parents give their children too large of portions and then are upset when their child doesn’t eat it all. A child should get 1/4 of an adult portion of food, so figure that however much you eat, your son will eat only 1/4 of that
- Don’t let your son spend the day snacking on junk food so that he will be hungry and want to eat dinner.
Many parents provide too many snacks during the day and then the child isn’t hungry when dinner goes around. Two snacks a day that are healthy and a once in awhile unhealthy snack is plenty for a child.
- Encourage your son while he is eating dinner by saying things like one more bite and then you can go and play or two more bites and then you can have dessert.
When he is eating well, make sure to point out how well he is eating. Kids appreciate the subtle nudging as well as the idea of an endpoint.
- If your son starts eating but then won’t continue, set a reasonable limit on how much he should be expected to eat.
You might have to compromise and let him have only a couple more bites. But again, only healthy snacks if he doesn’t eat his appropriately portioned dinner.
- Don’t let him drink soda or juices that are high in sugar which can help decrease one’s appetite.
Also if your child is a milk drinker, you might want to limit the amount of milk he drinks because it fills children up faster. I knew one 9-year-old child whose parents practically let her live on chocolate milk.
- Forcing a child to sit at the table until they eat it all is not reasonable.
However, saying things like “no dessert if you don’t finish your dinner” or “no snacks if you don’t finish your dinner” is completely appropriate.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Accidentally Revealing To My Cousin That Her Father Has Another Family?
“I (21M) accidentally revealed to my cousin (18F) Jenny that her father has another family. This event just happened last week after her high school graduation.
She graduated as valedictorian in her class, so my aunts decided to organize a celebration for her graduation, and also this was her first meeting the extended part of her father’s family which is us. My mother briefed us days before Jenny’s existence, on why she should never learn that she is an illegitimate child and we should make her feel welcome to be part of the family.
We felt pity for her because she only sees her father 5 times a year, only to spend most of his time with his real family.
We had dinner in a restaurant to celebrate her achievement and also as a way to introduce ourselves to her.
After dinner, I and my sister invited her to hang out with us, just three of us in a nearby cafe so she could get to know us better. All of a sudden, she asked me a question about how many half-siblings she had. I told her that I didn’t know, but she kept on pushing as she knows I’m lying and I was starting to panic because I assumed that she didn’t have knowledge of her father’s other family, so I told her that she had two other siblings.
This only confirmed her suspicion, she kept asking for other information about her half-siblings, but I made up excuses because I thought the newfound knowledge would only hurt her.
After that day she confronted her father about her legitimacy and the marital status between him and her mother.
She mentioned what I told her. Now she is missing, my uncle is now ostracized by his church due to the revelation (my family is religious) and so am I by my family. Some family members think this is inevitable and will always happen just as I became an instrument for this event.
Now I’m isolated, I’m barely tolerated by the household I only have my sister and my friends to comfort me. What is your opinion on this? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If all you told her was that she has two half-siblings which she apparently already knew about since she asked you, then NTJ.
It doesn’t sound like you told her anything she didn’t already know. If she only saw her dad 5 times a year, I doubt she believed her parents had an excellent marriage. Your family are jerks though for blaming you instead of your uncle, who is the one having an affair.” Informal-Thought5710
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You DIDN’T tell her she was illegitimate, you replied to a question she already knew the answer to. Your uncle is the one who betrayed his wife and family, not you. As a citizen of the wild wild US, and living in the liberal northeast, it’s difficult for me to really understand how religion so thoroughly controls communities as in yours.
I hope that your family will come to realize that you were not at fault, as clearly, your uncle’s daughter had already figured it out. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with all this.” meetmypuka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ an accident is an accident.
Apparently, my niece and nephew did not know that their mother was an exotic dancer back in the day. I happened to mention at one time my sister cut me off and said I never told them about that. I told her she should’ve given me the heads-up because that is part of her story.
And if she wanted to keep it from her kids she should’ve said something.” harleyevo
7. AITJ For Cutting Off Financial Support To My Long-Time Friend?
“I (23 M) used to play football with a guy (25 M) as children all the way up through high school. He was always a close friend of mine, and we had tons of sleepovers as kids.
Shortly after high school, when he was about 19, he ended up having a child. I was there to visit the kid and still took time to hang out with him every time I could. He had his second child and I have been able to visit the new baby several times.
In the last 3-4 months, my friend, who I’ll call Dave, has come to me in person or messaged me explaining circumstances and has asked to borrow money for things like diapers, food, and Uber (he doesn’t have a car) rides home from work.
I have obliged him every single time, as I have recently gotten my first real job out of college and am making the most money I ever have before. Dave started off asking for help once every two weeks or so, to the tune of about 25 bucks each time, and in the last two months, has been asking me for money every day/every other day.
He’s been my friend for a long time, and the great majority of the time I have continued to help for the sake of his children and my friend.
A couple of weeks back, I decided to take a peek at how much money I’ve actually sent him on Venmo and was shocked to realize it’s been over $750.
I know he smokes, and can’t help but wonder if that’s where a lot of the cash has gone, though I give him the benefit of the doubt. It doesn’t seem like that much sending a little at a time, but I felt so taken advantage of at that moment and felt like my trust had been shattered.
He has continued asking me for money every single day, sometimes more than once a day, and he has gone to new lengths to ask me, going as far as to say his child is at risk of overheating by being forced to walk since I wouldn’t give him money for an Uber.
Since I saw the amount, I have refused Dave every single time he has asked and explained that I will not continue to give him money, and will never do so again. He has promised to repay it all, and I told him to forget about it, but I’d still be his friend.
Once I had this conversation with him, he absolutely blew up on me and said that I don’t care about him or his family and that I’m dead to him, and a “snake”. A lot of me still feels guilty since we’ve been friends for so long, and maybe he really does need the help.
I just don’t feel like I can give it to him anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know it hurts to be used by a friend but try and not take it personally. After all, he is using his minor child as an excuse to deceive and manipulate you so, he may not be the person you think he is.
People change when caught up in an addiction. It always strikes me funny how 1 person can give and give and the other person can take and take but let the giver set a boundary and the taker blows up and becomes verbally abusive and insulting all the time never being someone who has actually given anything to the friend who has provided from the kindness of their heart, astonishing!
Good luck sorry for the loss of your friend but he is not a friend to you right now and friendship works both ways!” sub2865
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was using you, and you set a boundary, he felt he should be entitled to cross.
He isn’t, it’s your income, you owe no one anything, and you’ve been more than generous. He doesn’t think this, truly. He is manipulative and is trying to get you to go back on this boundary. Don’t. You literally forgave almost a grand of debt.
You cannot, in any fathomable way, (so long as this is accurate ISH,) be the jerk. Crap friend, man… I’m sorry and hope it’s him handling stuff poorly and that there is a genuine friendship to maintain.” Skylight46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s say your friend has $50.
Diapers and baby supplies cost $25, Uber $25, and his smoking supply costs $25. If he asks you for $25 each time, it makes ZERO difference if he says “this is smoking money” or “this is baby money” or “this is uber money.” As a responsible adult, buying smokes is a frivolous expenditure that he should be prioritizing last (or cutting out altogether).
You ARE giving him $25 for smokes every day because that’s what he would otherwise be going without. If his child went without food or diapers due to your $25, he shouldn’t have the child(ren). You’re NTJ but you’re being totally used as supplementary income. If he can’t get his crap together to budget properly for 1 child, he should not be in the middle of making a 2nd one.” Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Fiancée's Dad Invite His Friends To Our Wedding?
“Tonight we went out to dinner with my fiancée’s dad, and we got into the list for the wedding. Now we aren’t having the smallest wedding in the world, but we aren’t having the biggest wedding (less than 150), but it’s what my fiancée and I can afford and it’s who we want.
Her dad was going through the essentials of who needs to get invited (nothing too outlandish).
He then turned and said, “if I’m putting a single cent into this wedding, my friends need to be invited” (mind you he just said how he had to cut back on his personal fun things because he can’t afford it anymore, and ironically, his card was declined for dinner so I had to pay).
He starts listing off the people he wants, and they are all his coworkers and we’ve never met, and the ones that we have met, treat him like he’s the gum on their shoes. With all the “coworkers” and plus ones he listed it was another 25 people (not including the friends of his we already have on our list).
I shot this down. He then tried to say “Well out of the people you have now, how many is your family vs my family.” And yes, my family is 60 vs their 45, but that doesn’t mean he gets to invite randoms. When I shot it down, he then said “I’ll pay for their part to go.” I told him he doesn’t get to throw money in so he can make shots, the money would be to aid what we (fiancée and I) are paying and going toward things we want (better venue, centerpieces, better quality dress, better food, etc.).
Am I the jerk for shooting him down from inviting every person he wants to invite without our approval?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no idea who these people are, what they are like, what they will say or do, or generally how they will conduct themselves.
The presence of so many unknown people will be stressful for you both, as a part of you will be wondering, “what are they going to you?” Or worse, “what are they going to do next?” A wedding is about the two of you, period.
It’s not an attendance contest between the two families. If you both like more people from your family than his, it doesn’t mean you have to start inviting people you dislike. Stand your ground.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He then turned and said “if I’m putting a single cent into this wedding, my friends need to be invited.”” Yeah this kind of thing happens a lot.
At least he was honest that he would only give you money for the wedding if he has some say on the guest list. Most people will offer to ‘help’ pay for the wedding and then make their demands after you accept their help. You still can say no. Plus he has the wrong idea of what your wedding is all about.
If he’s worried about how many people from one side vs how many on the other side, he misses the point.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you go to a party and there are people there who start acting shady, start drama you can leave.
You cannot leave your own wedding, you are trapped. You need to know how your guests are going to behave. If it ends in a huge wedding with lots of guests you don’t know then you need to hire security too. It is not worth it.
He just wants to play the host to his friends. I don’t get this even numbers thing. My daughter’s wedding took place in America. Of course UK guests weren’t going to pay for flights, even if accommodation was provided for free. Her English side was heavily outnumbered by Americans on his, but it was not a competition.
It really didn’t matter. We all had a great time.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Insisting My Son Can Have Friends Over Despite My Wife's Objection?
“I moved in with my wife when we got married. The house belongs to her, and we signed documentation stating if we were to divorce I have no claim to it. We split all bills, utilities, maintenance, etc…
We live with her 14-year-old son, and my 15-year-old lives with us primarily but visits his mother often.
My wife said she doesn’t want my son’s friends to come over to the house anymore because it makes her son, who struggles to make friends, feel bad.
I think that is a ridiculous request. I’m willing to compromise that the kids can’t hang out here if neither of us is present, for liability reasons, but I won’t ban my son from hanging out with his friends in his room.
That’s when she whipped out the “This is my house” card.
That annoyed me. Yes, she owns the house. I wouldn’t do anything to the house without her permission. But we all live here and have equal rights as residents. So unless she wants us to move out that argument isn’t a good one. She’s really mad at me, but I’m not backing down.
Am I the jerk for insisting my son can hang out with his friends in our home, despite my wife being the sole owner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Either you’re her husband and you and your son are welcome in the home or not. You’re splitting the bills etc. and it is not reasonable to ask your son to not have friends over because it makes her son feel bad.
Provided your son and his friends are respectful and kind to her son. It doesn’t sound like you’re her family now, seems more like a landlord/tenant relationship. Personally, I’d make it clear that if she feels she gets the final say on everything because it’s “her house” then she can live there on her own.” PilotEnvironmental46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your son were to try to include her son he might make friends or at least get some experience seeing how his peers interact. Besides that, you are married and supposed to be supporting each other and trying to be a family.
Is it possible for the two of you to talk to a counselor? I understand it is her house if you divorce but paying for maintenance should give you some tenants rights? Also, I have seen this before where one child or adult child has an issue and instead of fixing it the parent/parents try to share the issue with the other child “to be fair.” It isn’t fair, it’s a weird, negative, unhealthy type of favoritism.
Do what is best for both if you can and if she won’t see it that way then do what is best for your son. I think she is being unreasonable and making a problem worse instead of trying to solve it.” dog_star_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have made a really rational compromise. No kids over unless you are there. As for the “it’s my house argument” – “Yes, but it’s our marriage. You own the house. If this is going to be your rule with no compromise, I am leaving, and so is my kid.
You are not going to isolate my kid from his friends due to stepson’s angst. I respect that he should not be abused, and he is not being abused by being exposed to the fact that other people have friends. You should be working with your son to help him develop the skills needed to have his own friends and not trying to make my son have an abnormal adolescence.”” Internal_Set_6564
4. AITJ For Asking My Carnivore Diet Parents To Buy More Food For Me?
“My parents have recently started following the carnivore diet. This means no plant-based foods, aka most of the food we normally eat. They are only eating animal-based foods, such as meat and cheese. They have not forced me to partake.
My (17F) parents have been making carnivore meals for a couple of weeks now.
They will add a side to it for me sometimes. However, the only meals we eat as a family are dinner. I’m more or less left on my own for everything else. This was not a problem at first, but I have been growing more frustrated.
For the past couple of weeks, the only foods they have really bought that aren’t meat-based have been for dinner. So I’m stuck with whatever we still had. They have gone shopping, but it’s been all carnivore diet.
The other issue with this is that I’m pretty much not allowed to touch their food.
My mom got frustrated that I ate leftovers as lunch because “it’s the only stuff they can eat.” I have not touched leftovers since, and I have left their snacks alone. I’ve been surviving on mostly coffee, whatever they serve for dinner (which sometimes isn’t much, my dinner a couple of nights ago was literally just four meatballs), and sometimes popcorn for the past two weeks or so.
I’m sneaking out to the pantry almost every night to try and find some stuff that isn’t stale because I’m hungry every night. I tried to bring this issue up with them. They tell me it’s good that I’m not eating as much as before.
The boiling point for me started today when I went to get some popcorn, and when my mom saw me about to open the packet, she criticized me for having a bag almost every day. I don’t have them every day, but even then, I’m hungry.
She told me I needed to stop having them so much because they’re not good for me. I put the bag up, then went back to my room, where a few minutes later, my dad walked in holding a bag of pork rinds, asking if I was eating them.
I told him no, that I didn’t like them. He asked again, saying he wouldn’t be mad if I was. I told him no again, but I don’t think he believed me. Earlier in the day, my mom called me out for getting a handful or two of some butterscotch chips because “what if they needed to make cake”.
I ate them because everything in the pantry was theirs or stale. She told me not to eat them again.
At the current moment, the only things I have to eat in the house are popcorn, coffee, and Cheerios. While they’re praising their diet for the health benefits at dinner, I feel like I’m hungry constantly and I can’t do anything except wait for dinner or sneak around during the night for something.
I feel like I’m going insane because I’m hungry, but I know how difficult it is to be on as restrictive a diet as they are. I think they’re hungrier than me and eating more boring foods, so I don’t want to be the melodramatic whiner who can’t handle not having her snacks that I feel like I am.
So, would I be the jerk if I confronted them to buy more food specifically for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’ve lived off popcorn and coffee before, it’s not pretty. Sounds like they are trying to be disciplined with this new diet and are struggling to adapt, but they should not drag you into this.
They are not thinking rationally. Other posters have suggested reaching out to any adults/friends you know. Most responsible people would recognize this is a bad situation. Even if they can’t directly intervene, letting someone know who can speak to your parents on your behalf could help.
School teacher, parents of your friend?” S-contra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re in the US you need to talk with a trusted teacher or counselor and depending on your state, you may be able to get your own SNAP/food stamp card. This is not okay but at your age, getting help from CPS is going to be harder and more time-consuming than it will be effective.
You shouldn’t have to, but if you get a job at a restaurant you will likely get a shift meal — I lived off of employee meals for years while my family was still struggling and was able to move out a couple of months after turning 18.
NTJ and use the resources at your school. In my state, some kids take home sack lunches for the weekend and it’s a lifesaver (literally). This is temporary — things get better.” reactiveseltzer
Another User Comments:
“NTK. This is neglect, unfortunately. They are legally responsible to feed you appropriately until you’re 18.
They aren’t doing that. You aren’t getting your basic need for food and nutrition met. And it’s on such a level, that you are a real risk of physical and emotional damage from it. The situation needs to improve – urgently. Do not feel the slightest bit bad, because this might be ‘difficult’ for them (as they’re on a restrictive diet).
They are adults, who freely chose to go on this diet (it wasn’t essential for them). And there’s absolutely no reason why they can’t be on a restrictive diet – AND feed their daughter adequately. No good reason AT ALL. No responsible parent sacrifices their child’s nutritional needs, in these circumstances.
There are plenty of parents out there, on all sorts of diets. They still feed their children enough. Most parents would understand that a minor’s nutrition comes BEFORE anything they want to do. They are neglecting you, and it’s unacceptable. There is no excuse for not sorting out your food, so absolutely raise the problem with them.
If they won’t do anything about it, try to get other adults involved. Quite frankly, you’d even be justified in getting social services involved. But if you want to try other trusted adults first (maybe a relative, for example), that’s your choice. Other than that, the only thing I can suggest is going to food banks or charities, getting a job to earn money for food, etc. Do know that you AREN’T obliged to earn money for food, however.
It’s just another possibility if you want to try it. But your parents should absolutely be providing enough food/nutrition for you, without you needing to do that. Do not feel the slightest bit bad for telling them you need more food and better nutrition.” NoSurprise82
3. AITJ For Not Attending A Family Event Without My Caregiver Due To My Schizophrenia?
“My brother is having a social event (don’t want to specify) and I ended up getting an invitation. I was pretty excited to get out of the house for the first time in a while but he messaged me a while ago asking me to not bring my caregiver because the event was for close relatives only.
I didn’t raise a stink or anything I just messaged I couldn’t go if my caregiver wasn’t allowed. They give me my medicine and check on other health necessities that I can’t remember to do. This event is also predicted to last for hours so it’s not like I can just take my meds and vitals late.
My family is getting mad at me saying I’ll be fine without them for a while. They’ve never taken my illness seriously and tell me it’s all in my head (schizophrenia).”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you should be immensely proud of yourself for doing what you need to do to manage your complex health condition.
Schizophrenia can be extremely complicated to manage, and you are doing everything that you can to ensure you look after yourself responsibly. I know that is not easy, I am just a random on the internet, but I am so proud of you, and it saddens me that your family doesn’t share the sentiment.
You will never be a jerk for respectfully setting boundaries and effectively managing your health, and you deserve a circle of people who acknowledge and celebrate when you do. You are NTJ, and anybody who tells you differently likely has no understanding of the realities of your disability, or what it means to manage chronic health conditions.
(I have psychotic features as part of the presentation of my own mental illness/es, so while I know that it’s not the same as your experience with schizophrenia, I do understand somewhat. I am so, so impressed at how well you managed this situation with your family.)” mouseyfields
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. My son is disabled and I am his carer. My in-laws don’t understand his various conditions and needs so we keep contact to a minimum and he is never ever left alone with them. Ever. I insist on being there or one of only a couple of other specific trusted individuals being there (that both he and I trust).
Just as he has to be comfortable, so do you. You stipulated that you’d need your caregiver and they had the easiest and simplest way of resolving it – by saying your caregiver could come along. They chose to put their foot down, so now you must do the same.
Don’t ever compromise on your health. Ever. If them being upset with you is getting too much for you, ask your caregiver to field the texts for you and just delete them. Or block the numbers for a couple of days. They are toxic and you deserve so much better.
Ask your caregiver to help you find support groups online so you can find friends and support from others.” Global_Monk_5778
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! “They’ve never taken my illness seriously and tell me it’s all in my head (schizophrenia).” Yeah… that’s the entire point of mental illness… it occurs in the organ that rests inside your skull.
That doesn’t make it not real. Just like the heart or liver, the brain is an organ. An illness that occurs because of some sort of brain dysfunction is just as legitimate as an illness that occurs because of liver dysfunction. I’m sure you’re aware of that on a rational level, but I wanted to say it again to reassure you that reasonable people know schizophrenia is a real health issue.
It will be for the best if you put your health first, which means you shouldn’t go if your caregiver can’t come. I imagine the people in your family have some nice traits, but they’re basically saying, “You have to endanger yourself for us!” It’s very wrong of them to ask for that.
You would never ask them to endanger themselves, especially not for something as trivial as trying to create a certain vibe at a party. I hope that people’s comments reassuring you that you’re not the jerk will give you some comfort. It’s painful to be the object of somebody’s anger, especially if you love them, but their anger isn’t because of you.
It’s because they’re too selfish to be sensible and respectful. Maybe if they were as responsible as you are, they’d get mental health treatment themselves. It’s very responsible that you understand your own medical needs and set boundaries so your needs can be met.” SnowyLex
2. AITJ For Going Silent On My Father After Years Of His Emotional Manipulation?
“I (M22) have had a decently strained relationship with my father (M 55) for several years now. At first, I probably chalked it up to being a young adult and wanting freedom, but then I unblocked a whole period of my life I’d kept from thinking about for a while.
Around the age of 12 (could have been going on longer), he started emotionally mistreating my mom (now F57), and he tried to get me to view her in the same way he did. Here are a few things I remember:
He would close the car doors and lock them when he was about to drive my sister (now F20) and me to school just so my mom couldn’t kiss us goodbye
He would talk to me on long drives and tell me how men are created by God to be physical creatures, and when a woman “lets herself go” she’s sinning and dishonoring her husband (for context: my mom used to be a “thin cheerleader”—his exact words at one point—and eventually gained some weight in her 30s, which apparently caused my father to be unattracted to her).
He implied that my mom was so irresponsible with money that, if she moved out of the house, he would make sure we stayed with him because she wouldn’t be able to keep basic amenities like water and electricity going.
He went to our pastor and told our pastor about his concerns about my mother, and got the pastor to try and convince my mom she was sinning.
(The one I’m most ashamed of) He influenced my teenage mind to believe that what he was saying was absolutely true and I became nearly as cruel to her as he was.
Before I go on, I fully am aware I was the jerk for that period of my life, and I am ashamed. My mom was my hero when I was a kid, and I loved her more than anyone else.
To be turned into a weapon against her is one of the biggest regrets in my entire life, and I have patched things up since those days and apologized. She does not blame me for that anymore. But that’s not what I’m asking AITJ about, so just understand why that made me angry toward him.
The treatment and fights got so bad that in 2017 she was about to move out of the house and live on her own.
Then, suddenly, my father seemed to have a heart change where he decided that he’d rather have her living with us instead of moving out, so he stopped emotionally hurting her.
He tried to be more affectionate and has been getting into his Bible more. But from what I see, he hasn’t really apologized outside of occasionally remarking, “I used to be really bad to your mother.” That’s it. He isn’t exactly a whole new person, he’s just stopped actively and emotionally manipulating us.
Maybe it’s unchristian, but I find it hard to forgive someone who doesn’t seem really remorseful.
As a result of my anger toward him, I’ve just tried to be a gray rock to him, and I think it’s been hurting him.
He’s told me I’m being unloving and unkind, and when I look at the fact that he seems to be getting right with God, I wonder if I’m in the wrong. Maybe all this anger is misplaced.
AITJ for going silent on him?”
Another User Comments:
“I will say this – you are neither the jerk for being manipulated in your youth (children/teenagers are more affected by manipulation than most age groups, especially from figures of authority such as their parents, so you are just as much of a victim here as your mom is) nor for acting like that towards your father.
Your father is a jerk – if he ain’t apologizing, he is not really sorry for what he’s done, I feel.” Sorariko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ this is religious manipulation and trauma. All we as humans can be sure of is that we are alive, and how we feel.
Please don’t let this religion make you question your literal humanity. Your father was a nasty man “in the name of God” and using “God’s word” to justify his cruelty. Even if he did apologize and kiss your feet asking for forgiveness, never are you EVER obligated to forgive him.
Just remember to recognize what you’ve learned from this man, and that’s literally it. Love yourself, love your mom, and always be lovely.” kermits_leftnut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have seen people apologize and revert to their old behavior. I have seen people not apologize but actually change for the better.
Your dad may actually change or it could be a temporary change to get what he wants. What’s the old saying, ‘Trust but verify’. I would be leery of sharing my emotions with him now but if he is really committed to change, I wouldn’t completely shut the door.
Can you get counseling that would help you navigate a path that protects you but, if your dad has changed, leads to a better relationship down the road?” Flowers1966
1. AITJ For Keeping My Stepson Away Until His Mom Apologizes To Me?
“My husband (M19) and I (F18) have been together for a little over 9 months. I recently turned 18 and moved in with him.
I’ve always wanted a cat, but could never get one because my parents never allowed me to, but since my husband and I rented out an apartment I thought this would be acceptable and brought 2 cats home.
I forgot to factor in my husband’s 1-year-old from his previous relationship. Oli is deadly allergic to any fur babies, I completely forgot to factor this in at the time of my purchase.
Oli comes to our house every 2 weeks to spend 2 weeks with us.
But because of the cats I asked my husband’s ex to not bring Oli over (after discussing it with my husband) until I built a suitable room designated for my cats so they don’t wander around the house while Oli is present (this would take a week max, as we already had everything ready to install).
His ex was hysterical, telling me this was my plan all along, to keep Oli away from his father, and continued to berate me, this caught me off guard but I calmly told her that she nor Oli were welcome until she apologizes for the way she talked to me, threatened me and said my husband wasn’t a good father to Oli.
AITJ for keeping Oli away from his father until his mom apologizes to me?”
Another User Comments:
“You have 2 options: Stay with the man and the kid and get rid of the cats. Keep the cats, get rid of the man and kid. A baby with a severe allergy to animal fur/dander can’t live in a home with cats, even if you make a special room for them.
When your stepson isn’t with you, the cats will have free rein. Cat fur gets everywhere, especially since cats put themselves in the weirdest of places, such as inside of dressers where your stepson’s clothes would be. Even if that wasn’t an issue, your stepson stays with you for 2 weeks, having cats locked up in a small room for 2 weeks with minimal interaction is neglectful.
This situation does not work out at all. There’s no compromise here, I know it sucks but that is how it is. That’s why you only have 2 options.” username456700
Another User Comments:
“Ahhhh. I’m going to have to say YTJ. Here’s the thing.
You’re a stepmom. Society HATES stepmoms. Ever notice how in fairy tales the stepmom is always the villain? Yeah. That classification isn’t always fair, but you’re really not helping yourself right now. Being involved with someone with a kid is hard – I know from personal experience.
And this post won’t go down well here, so brace for that. I love cats – but honestly, I don’t know what you can do here. You can’t keep your partner’s child away from their dad, and realistically, it’s not fair to keep cats confined to one room.
It’s really not. So you can either move out, get rid of the cats, or see if the little one is okay with antihistamines. I honestly wish you the best.” PointlessSemicircle
Another User Comments:
“Why on earth did you get married so soon, and to someone that had a kid with someone else?
Make that make sense. Also, keeping the cats only in one room is not going to work. Dander particles don’t just stay perfectly in one place. They will spread. Why would you even risk it? Who just brings pets home without asking their partner?
It’s inconsiderate in the best case, and reckless in yours. As to the mother, unfortunately, sometimes people are going to be jerks to you or not treat you the way you like. That child is the nonnegotiable in your husband’s life, not you. You came into this mess of a situation, which means you need to find a way to let go of any wrongdoings against you by the mother.
Your pride or bruised feelings absolutely are not allowed to get in the way of a child seeing their parent. You are a literal child and not a very socially intelligent one at that. I’ve taught high school for a lot of years so I know many a 18/19 year old.
You are definitely not mature enough to have gotten married and inherited a step-child. Emphatically, YTJ.” tiredandsad1
