People Want To Gather Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Liking My Daughter And Her Roommate's Prank?
“I (49F) have a daughter, ‘Susan’ (21F), who was hospitalized for an extreme medical emergency late last month. Susan was there for four days, and I visited every day until the last, which happened to be on April 1st. Her roommate and other friends also visited.
On the 1st, her roommate called me crying, saying that Susan’s condition suddenly worsened and she passed on. In hindsight, I should have thought something was up, but hearing that at the moment turned me into a sobbing wreck. About a half hour later, Susan and her roommate came into my house and shouted, ‘April fools!’ It turns out she was allowed to leave the hospital, and that was how she decided to tell me.
I did not know it was possible to be so relieved and mad at the same time. I called this joke horrible, screamed at her, and told her she was not welcome in my house for the foreseeable future.
Apparently, Susan thought Easter would be an exception.
I was hosting this year with a few relatives, and she came in (she still has a key). I made her give it back and once again told her to get out of my house, and while she persisted and was very stubborn about it, she finally left crying.
The rest of the gathering was understandably awkward.
It’s not like I will never forgive her or that I’m going to have no contact with her or anything like that, but I am just too hurt and angry to speak to or look at her right now to have any sort of discussion about what happened. She tries to call and text me every day, but I ignore most of them.
Our family is split between acknowledging that there are consequences for this and several others saying I need to move on and just forgive her because she still hasn’t fully recovered and needs my support. I get that, but I think she is getting plenty of support from other people right now for me to be a necessity, and if she wanted my support, she would not do something so cruel.
She was always a bit of a jokester, but never like this. It really does not sit right with me at all to just let bygones be bygones right now, but some relatives, including my parents, say I should. I hope I can get some unbiased opinions on this, please, apart from family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her roommate would NEVER be welcome in my house again, and I’d have serious long-term trust issues with my daughter if she faked her death even for a half hour. That’s not a prank; that’s mental cruelty.
Your daughter needs to understand just how deeply this hurts you. You need time to process what happened. Your daughter just letting herself in with her key on Easter shows she either doesn’t understand just how badly you were hurt or she just doesn’t care.
Either way, I’d take the time to think clearly about what you want to say to her and what you want her to understand. Once you’ve said your piece, she needs to explain exactly how it was funny to give her mother the shock of a lifetime, thinking her daughter had died. I’d make sure her roommate’s parents knew as well.
This isn’t a normal haha prank, and you’re reacting like anyone would. This isn’t a forgive-and-forget thing; this is a serious breach of trust.” CatsPolitics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pregnancy and death jokes are so deeply unhinged on April Fool’s Day because people go through them daily, and no matter what way you slice it, it’s traumatic and not funny.
Your daughter is 21; she is not a child, and for her roommate to be involved? The roommate would never be allowed in my home again, and my daughter would have to sincerely apologize to me when I was ready.
The fact that she’s trying to rush you shows she clearly does not comprehend that what she did was wrong; she knows it was, but she wants this part to be over, so she wants you to forgive her so she can feel better.
She just hasn’t acknowledged how horrible she made you feel. What if you had called other family members and caused your entire family distress too? Also the ‘I didn’t know how to tell you I was out of the hospital.’
SO SHE OPTED FOR DEATH INSTEAD?!” paragod_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What she did was EXTREMELY cruel and not just a thoughtless prank. It was thought out by her and her roommate, and was designed to hurt you.
Your daughter gets no say in how you go forward, healing what she broke.
And what she broke was your heart.
By showing up and having the gall to just let herself in with her key (not even knocking and waiting for you to open the door), she shows she has not yet understood the gravity of what she has done to you.
In her head on Easter, because people were there, you would be forced to just move on as if she had never done this awful thing to you. which, imo, makes it even worse. Trying to put you in a situation where she felt you would have no choice gives me all sorts of icky feelings.
All she wants at this point is for you to act like nothing happened as if she never caused you the most devastating pain.
What she needs to understand now is that you need space to sort out your feelings.
And her pushing for you to do so on her timeline makes her out to be an even bigger narcissist and shows that she lacks empathy to begin to understand how you felt at that moment. She needs to do some serious introspection and have a good look at herself, then sincerely apologize to you and include in that why she thought devastating you would be ‘funny’ and that she now understands how wrong it actually was before the relationship can begin to heal.” ayesh00
19. AITJ For Prioritizing My Unborn Baby Over My Stepdaughter?
“I (35 female) am engaged to my fiancé, Brian (37 male). We’ve been together for two years. He has a daughter, Ashley, 14, from a previous relationship.
I am currently pregnant with our daughter.
I like to play the lottery sometimes. Usually just scratch tickets. This time, I won $50,000. Of course, I was very excited. I decided to take the winnings and put them away for my future child’s future.
I told Brian about the lottery and that it was being put away for our baby’s future. He said we should take some of the funds for Ashley since she’s going to be graduating high school in a few years.
Brian and his ex do have a college fund set up for Ashley, but not enough for all of it. I let him know this fund would be used for our child since it was won by me, and I’d be the one paying taxes on it since we’re not married yet.
I let him know that once the baby was born, it would go into a trust that no one had access to.
Brian and Ashley think I’m being ridiculous since the unborn baby would have more finances than she has set aside already and that it’s unfair.
I explained that I understood how they felt, but I think I’m doing the right thing. Now my mother-in-law is also pressuring me because Ashley went to her house feeling upset and said the baby is getting preferred treatment already.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I actually think you’re doing something very smart and considerate for the future of your future child. You have in your hands an opportunity that not everyone receives in their entire life, and you are acting in a very mature way.
You are not spending it on vanities or anything else you can think of.
It’s going to sound cruel, but realistically, she’s not your daughter; she has her mother and father, who have had the opportunity to prepare for several years for their college fund; it’s not your responsibility.
Your responsibility is to think about the future of your child. Just because she’s not born yet doesn’t mean you can’t save up for her.
The best wishes for your pregnancy and for the future of your baby.” Sav-M
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your money, your decision. 50k is a large sum, but it’s hardly millions where you can do everything with income to spare. Your priority is your child.
He comes as a package deal; he has a child already. That means you will be a big part of her life.
That doesn’t entitle her to your money, and your fiance is out of line for pressuring you into giving a large chunk of it to her without asking. Asking? Ok. Pressuring, not so much. MIL is absolutely out of line for getting involved at all.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Who told your future stepdaughter about it? If your fiance is going to involve her in things like that, it would be great to set those boundaries before you are married. Also, it sounds as though a boundary is definitely needed with your future mother-in-law.
She has no business in your business.
We don’t know your financial situation, and we don’t know how much you’ll be able to save in the future for your child. Setting this fund aside for your child may be all the income you’ll be able to contribute.
It’s wise thinking, and the other commentators are correct. Your fiancé and his ex have had years to build up a college fund.” Helpful-Employer4138
18. AITJ For Being Upset With My Landlords For Not Respecting My Privacy?
“I (21F) have been renting out the basement of my friend’s parent’s house for 5 months now. Let’s call them Jane and John (both in their 50s). They live upstairs, and I live downstairs. The basement is a walkout, and we have separate entrances.
I am a respectful tenant, and the problem I’ve been facing is that I feel like my privacy is not being respected in the same way that I respect theirs.
Let me elaborate.
Jane and John invited me upstairs for Easter dinner.
They also invited some family, friends, and neighbors. Some of whom I know and some of whom I haven’t met before. I accepted the invitation and was looking forward to it.
I worked a morning shift on Easter, so I was planning to unwind downstairs and then head upstairs for dinner.
Well, when I got home, the backdoor was already unlocked and being used by the guests to access the backyard, even though you can still access the backyard through the front door and around the side of the house.
When I walk inside, there’s a ham in the oven, and the fridge is full of their food for dinner.
Then, I make my way to the bathroom to shower, and some random woman that I don’t know walks out of the bathroom. This made me instantly mad because they have a working oven, fridge, and bathroom upstairs that they could’ve used.
Apparently, Jane and John didn’t inform their guests that a tenant was living downstairs or to respect the space and use the bathroom upstairs instead.
I was so mad-seething even. I sent them a text about how disrespected and invaded I felt and left the house before dinner was even ready.
Throughout the months, there have been other small invasions that have been getting on my nerves, such as furniture being rearranged while I’m at work. They have also texted me to point out that I have hard water buildup in my shower and asked me to get rid of it, which means they were snooping.
And the night before Easter, they took all of my cutlery, along with some plates and such, without asking me, and used them to set the table.
For anyone wondering, yes, I did sign a lease, and it specifically says that the landlords are not permitted to enter the tenant’s space without consent, and I did not give consent.
I wasn’t even aware that the basement would be used for entertainment when I signed the lease.
I just want me and my space to be respected the same way I respect theirs. My personal belongings are down there, and I was not expecting people to be in my area.
It feels violating in a way to know my personal space is being used without my permission.
I had a talk with Jane and John about how uncomfortable I felt, and long story short, they said they would still need to use some of the basement space for when they entertain guests.
Specifically, the kitchen, bathroom, and backdoor.
Am I the jerk for being upset over this? Am I overreacting, or is it justified to be upset? Or should I be more upset than I am?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Set up cameras in your area, facing the door.
Put it into writing that you have a lease, and they are NOT to allow any of their guests in your leased areas. Get rubber doorsteps to use when you are home. Lock your doors at all times. If their guests try to enter, inform them you are a tenant, do not consent to them being in your area, and will call the cops for them trespassing.
Seek legal counsel about them breaking the lease.” oaksandpines1776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have a contract? Write down the date of your conversation and anything you remember about it, without elaborating. You may just want to move out, but these are serious actions, and you’re probably protected by a renter’s law (I am not an attorney!).
Even if you don’t want to pursue action, know that this is not unreasonable. You deserve safety, privacy, and control over your own space. It is controlling and disrespectful of them to behave as if these things don’t matter.” chikfender
Another User Comments:
“Leave. As soon as possible. If they try to keep any deposits or go after you for breaking the lease early, get your booty to the courthouse and ask to speak to someone about a landlord lease violation, possibly in small claims court.
That is a suable offense in some states, and at bare minimum, because it’s a clear violation of your lease, that’s just cause to move before the lease is up without loss of deposit, and they will have to pay the fee stated in the lease, or if none is specified, a judge might have to decide an amount based on what you pay, your deposit amounts, and all the details.
Please move out. This is violating the law in so many ways. Definitely NTJ.” m6t9
17. WIBTJ For Not Going To My Brother's Wedding?
“So my brother (36) is getting married in August. He is not my biological brother; he was adopted before I was born. His mother died during his birth, and his father didn’t want him anymore. My parents took him in at only 1 month old.
A couple of years ago, he decided to move to another country for work, a decision that was not very popular amongst us, as he was planning to stay with one of his biological brothers, who’s really unstable and prone to illegalities.
Mind you, he had a good job, and my parents gave him an apartment. He still left. He came back to visit us often, and then he got into a relationship with a girl who moved there with him. Since then, our relationship has started to be shaky.
The girl didn’t like us from the beginning. Then she accused my mother and me of having an ‘inappropriate’ relationship with my brother because we would often call each other and talk for what she considered too long or because we wanted to spend time with him when he came to visit the country.
So when she insulted us in such a manner, my brother broke up with her, but it didn’t last for long. They got back together, but she never apologized to us; as a matter of fact, she convinced him we were in the wrong.
Very toxic relationship; lots of fights that often became physical.
Last year, my brother told us that they were planning to get married. We were in shock but decided to just keep it to ourselves and stand by his decision.
We even talked with her for a little bit, asking about the venue and the dress. We wanted to help them and be there for them. Fast forward to a few days ago, when he flew into town to take care of some last details.
He came to visit us, and he seemed kind of nervous and distant. We asked what was wrong, but he said nothing. I asked if I could come to help him pick up a suit, but he dodged my question.
Finally, he offers us an invitation, and when we opened it, we saw that he decided to put his biological parents’ names on the invite, not our parents’ names. (It’s a tradition in our country that you have the names of the parents on the wedding invitation, alongside the groom and bride.) Mind you, we’re talking about his biological father, who always blamed him for his mother’s death and never wanted to have anything to do with him.
My parents are devastated. They do not want to attend the wedding. I’m unsure. No contact from him, no explanation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother clearly has issues regarding your mutual family and, especially, with himself and needs p***************c help.
Adoptees often search for their roots and try to find a place they feel they fit better (in their own subjective opinion, they have every right to have a voice), no matter how loving the adopting family is or was.
He clearly wants the approval of his birth father and tries to appease him with this.
Maybe he wants to ‘redeem’ himself from the guilt he internalized when he learned his father held him responsible for his mother’s death. You don’t know what he is going through, but it has to be a lot to hurt the people who care so much about him so deeply.” stollentrollin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Basically, you’re describing a long history of disrespect toward the rest of the family, compounded by an extremely disrespectful partner, topped off with a wildly disrespectful insult to your parents by not putting them on the invite.
I don’t doubt that the fiancée had a say in this.
It’s time you put your foot down with your brother and let him know that you’ll never accept his hostile, disrespectful, and toxic fiancée.
Stand with your parents.” G1Gestalt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As someone who had estranged parents and grew up in the system. It seems your brother may want to connect with this biological family but doesn’t know how to do it in a manner that respects and maintains connection with his actual family.
It’s sad to see, but I hope it’s just a confusing time for him. As for the fiancée, she sounds toxic and is probably manipulating and possibly abusing him. I’d set strong boundaries and tell him that you care for him, but you also won’t tolerate someone being rude to you and being hurt by his actions.
That you won’t be going, but you hope there is a future where you can be close again.” Rose_Peaks_Gaming
16. AITJ For Letting My Son Move In With Me, Skip His Cousin's Party, And Keep His Car?
“I (47m) have three kids with my ex-wife Julie: James (21 m), Nina (19 f), and Cody (17 m). Julie and I split up when the kids were in elementary school due to her infidelity, but we’ve remained cordial in an attempt to be good co-parents.
James and Nina both moved out after high school, but Cody splits his time between mine and Julie’s houses. Another thing to note is that Cody is transgender. He was assigned female at birth and began his social transition when he was 15.
Most everyone in his life supported and accepted him, except his cousin Nate (18 m).
Nate is Julie’s nephew and the son of her sister Amber. When Cody first went to one of Julie’s family events as a boy, Nate berated and insulted Cody to the point of tears, until James and Nina shouted back at him and drove Cody home.
According to them, Nate said some really vile things that I’m not going to repeat here, but suffice it to say that since then, all three of my kids have refused to go to any event with Nate present.
Flash forward to last month.
Cody came back from his mom’s place, and it’s clear he’s been crying. I ask him what’s wrong, and after a little prodding, he tells me that his mom wants him to go to his cousin Hannah’s blowout sweet 16. Hannah is Nate’s younger sister, and I later confirmed with Julie that he would be there, and she’s threatening to take away access to his car (that I got him for his own 16th birthday) if he doesn’t comply.
I messaged Julie to get her side of the story, and apparently, Amber wants to try to make things better between Cody and Nate and is insisting that Julie bring him. Julie also said that she’s ‘tired of (deadname)-I mean, Cody being so dramatic about this whole thing.
It’s been two years; it’s time to forgive and forget.’
Cody then asks me if he could move in with me full-time (the custody agreement says that he can decide which parent he lives with, and the car is in my name).
I say yes, and Cody goes up to his room. I then message Julie to let her know the situation, and she blows up at me, accusing me of ‘shutting her out of Cody’s life’ and ‘undermining her ability to parent’.
I try to stay calm and let her know I’ll be coming over to get Cody’s stuff. I drive over to pick up his stuff, and she tries to deny me access, but I threaten to call the cops because she’s trying to infringe on the custody agreement.
(I’m not sure if it would’ve worked, but she bought it, and I got all of his stuff without further issue.)
Cody is now settled in at my place, and the party came and went, but I’ve been getting messages from her trying to set up a meeting with Cody and me.
(I asked Cody, and he said no.) She seems so sad and desperate, and she’s also very angry with me, and I’m starting to doubt my judgment.
AITJ for letting him move in with me full time, skip the party, and keep his car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, all the way. You can’t force two people to reconcile as outside observers; Cody and Nate would need to come together on their own through Nate reaching out and atoning for his actions. The fact that the moms are trying to force it to the ends that Julie has decided to impose tells me Nate’s not interested, and the moms think it’s more important.
One thing, though, is that at some point there might have to be a conversation about everything. It’s the first step to setting boundaries: spelling out why their behavior cannot be tolerated and what is and isn’t okay. Now may not be the time, but it will need to be done at some point.” Cfx99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You protected Cody. You did your job perfectly as his dad.
Julie was the one who caused problems in their relationship with her actions. And she is the one facing the consequences now.
Cody doesn’t want to see her.
And that’s completely fine. Julie tried to use coercion to force Cody to attend that party. It backfired on her.
Give Cody some time to cool off, and then let him know he can tell you when or if he wants to see Julie.
Tell Julie that you are not going to jeopardize your relationship with Cody to help her. This is her *******. She should have thought ahead.
NTJ.” 101037633
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not by a long chalk. If I were your kid, I’d think you were the best dad ever!
To ever dead-name a person is disgusting to the nth degree. Amber is severely at fault here for such blatant disrespect. I’ve got to wonder where Nate got it from.
In time, I would try to facilitate Cody and Julie having a conversation.
In the long run, it would be beneficial to you all. Even if Cody walks away from that conversation and says, ‘I don’t think we should talk anymore,’ then at least he has tried.
In my opinion, you haven’t undermined Julie.
You’ve taken on board what has happened and how your son feels about it all, and you have given him what he wanted and what ultimately sounds best all around: living with you.
The ‘Julie wanting to take away access to the car’ is incidental in all this, and now it doesn’t matter one way or the other.
But she should use this time away from Cody to have a long, hard think about why her son wouldn’t want to live with her anymore. And Cody should use this time to think about how to have a meaningful relationship with his mother going forward, and if that’s even possible.
You can’t force him either way. He’s 17, practically an adult.
As an aside, I want to commend you for being such a fully supportive dad. I hear too many stories where transgender teens (and adults) fall through the cracks or get kicked out of homes, have nowhere to turn, and nobody to turn to.
You supporting your son is the best thing I’ve come across on the internet today. And social media in general. I know you don’t need congratulating on something you do so freely and willingly, but as someone with a child in the LGBTQ+ community, it just makes my heart happy.” JaneDoe_83
Sounds like the cousin is not interested. I hear nothing about him apologizing, sincerely, for his behavior.
Mom tried to force it, which ultimately is choosing her relationship with her sister over her child. She is reaping what she sowed.
And you rock, dad!
15. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit Because They Wouldn't Pay Me What We Agreed Upon?
“I (21f) work as a babysitter/nanny while I finish my credits for my early childhood education. I’m very well known in my area and am professional, and I have different ads for myself. I get multiple jobs a week.
I don’t normally babysit for family, but I agreed to a few days ago. The child was 4, and with that age I usually charge $15 an hour, $200 a day. For this particular family member, I agreed to do it for $150 a day.
It was 2 hours in, and my relative told me she could only pay me $50–80 and that she hoped I understood. I told her I didn’t understand because I told her upfront already and that I even lowered my rate for her.
This is what I live off of; I missed out on other opportunities that would pay way more, so I can’t have her lowball me. She began ignoring me, so I told her if she continued, I would drop her off at another relative’s.
She continued to ignore me, so I dropped her off at this relative’s sister’s house, who agreed to watch her. Within a few minutes, I got a text saying how unprofessional I was and how dare I do that, that she’s family, and that I was being extremely selfish.
This is how I make a living, and I gave her multiple warnings, and we agreed on a price beforehand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were upfront with your rates, and you even gave a discount to your relative, which you didn’t have to do, and she still chose to take advantage of you.
She should have been upfront about how she couldn’t afford it. And then to have the unmitigated gall to ignore you, thinking you would just sit there and be used. I’m glad you followed through with what you said you were going to.
What she did was wrong and underhanded.
OH! And for her to be like, ‘Well, we are family,’ clearly we weren’t that close if you were willing to lie and steal from me. Wild.” AsadPandaontheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was unprofessional first. If she doesn’t have the funds, she can tell you first, and then you can decide whether you do it for that even further reduced rate as a favor. But she didn’t. It seems to me like she tricked you and banked on you seeing it through anyway.
And yeah, maybe you were also unprofessional; I dunno. But the child was cared for, and the other relative agreed to it. I think you are fine. You stood up for yourself. And she can’t deal with that.” nobodi64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your JOB. Family can ask for a discount but shouldn’t expect one. But you did, indeed, give her a discount and she agreed to the price beforehand. If you were not family, she probably would not have tried to pull this stunt.
She was trying to take advantage of you. You remained professional by arranging new and safe care for the child and the parent still tried to blame you. Shame on them. Family should never be taken for granted or taken advantage of.
Well, really, no one should, but especially family!” Imaginary_Page_8191
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Mother's Friend From Her House?
“Not long ago, my mother passed away, and I’ve inherited her home. A few months ago, she let a friend of hers from school stay with her while he got back on his feet. Apparently, he lost his job and is going through a divorce.
I never met this guy before he moved in, and I’ve met plenty of Mom’s school friends before, but even my aunty (who was 1 year below Mom at school and they were in the same social circle) doesn’t know who he is.
Anyway, I told him he could stay until he found a job and another place. Every time I’d come around to the house to check on things, he would always be watching TV in his pajamas and get annoyed at me when I asked how the job or house hunt was going, saying it was hard at his age.
I offered to get him a job at my work if he could get himself a forklift license, but he declined. I asked him for rent, but he got agitated about that too, saying Mom didn’t charge him rent.
Anyway, I couldn’t afford to pay for my rental and the house, so I’m moving back in, and I’ve told him it’s time to move out.
As he was moving out, I was moving my stuff in, and he got so confrontational that I asked him to leave because he thought I was selling the house, not moving in, and that I should let him stay.
I don’t want to live with a stranger, and I don’t feel like I owe him anything but AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can’t afford two places, and the house is yours, so you have the right to move in.
What’s the point of keeping two places? And why should you pay for the utilities, etc., that he uses at your mom’s house? He doesn’t have a job, and as he has a ‘free home,’ he doesn’t feel the need to find one.
After all, he didn’t need to pay your mom rent (I’m not sure if this is actually true or if he’s using her not being there anymore as a way of manipulating you), and he didn’t pay a share of the bills by the sounds of it (how could he without an income?!).
He sounds like a lazy bum who was mooching off your mom and has the expectation that he can continue to mooch off you.
Either way, you don’t know this dude, and you don’t have to stand for his mooching.
He’s a stranger. He and his living arrangements are not your problem.
For safety, I would advise installing security cameras and calling a locksmith to change the locks. There’s no predicting what he’s capable of in order to get back at you.” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ, but…
You told him ‘he could stay until he found a job and another place,’ which, in a genie’s wish, would mean the rest of his life, like the twist in a discount Twilight Zone episode.
I don’t think you’re legally or morally obligated to allow him to stay forever, but you may be legally obligated to let him stay until a proper eviction has been executed. It would probably be best to consult an attorney, and soon.” iondot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother’s generosity should not be your burden.
Moving in is typically a legal reason for eviction. You were generous by giving him extra time, but his situation doesn’t mean you have to let him live with you, rent-free or otherwise.
I am so sorry for your loss.” Kettlewise
13. AITJ For Lying To My Significant Other About The Food She's Eating?
“My (23M) significant other (19F) is a picky eater. She doesn’t like fish or pork. On Saturday, we went out to eat in Chinatown with my friend and his SO.
For an appetizer, we ordered spring rolls. My SO asked if they had shrimp in them, and we said no. This was a lie, but she wouldn’t know the difference when she ate them.
When the spring rolls came out, the three of us smiled at each other and watched my SO happily eat them.
I couldn’t believe she had no idea there were shrimp in the spring rolls. It was minced, but still. Anyway, it was pretty funny. At the end of the meal, we told her the spring rolls had shrimp in them.
She got upset at me, and now I am the bad guy, even though my friend was in on it too. She is saying that it’s not cool to mislead her like that and trick her into eating something she doesn’t want to eat.
But she makes no sense—she ate the spring rolls, so obviously she likes shrimp.
AITJ, or is she being too sensitive and needs to grow up?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I would never trick or lie to someone about food ingredients.
I may not understand picky eaters, but it’s incredibly rude, childish, and disrespectful of their food choices to do what you did.
And there is always a chance that someone has a food allergy or sensitivity that they’ve downplayed as being picky.
Or maybe she has an aversion to certain textures or the thought of eating something creepy-looking. Her choices are valid even if you don’t agree with them. And you’ve likely made her even more concerned and unlikely to ever trust you or the friend again when eating food with you or trying new things.” 1Cattywampus1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You lied to your SO about something she trusted you with. Regardless of how minor a lie it is, you should have known that food is a touchy subject for her. Picky eaters place trust in those they’re close to to help them navigate new foods.
Let her explore and branch out on her own time, not as a result of lies. You could not be the jerk by learning from this, by recognizing how real her food sensitivities are, and by learning how important this trust is for her.
However, if you’re going to trivialize her emotions by saying she ‘makes no sense’ and patronize the person you’re supposed to love and care for by saying she ‘needs to grow up’, YTJ.” gyokuro8882
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it might be annoying to you that she’s a picky eater, but she does have a right to choose what she eats at her own discretion, and it’s not very nice that you and your friend turned her into the butt of a joke by tricking her.
It might not seem like a huge deal because it’s just food, but you managed to lie to her, invalidate her feelings, trick her, gang up on her, and make fun of her all in one go. It’s also quite dangerous because, for all either of you know, she could have an allergy and either not be aware (because her diet is so limited) or not feel comfortable sharing that information.
I’d go get some flowers then take her out for a meal of her choosing to apologize if I were you.” Lucigrl95
12. WIBTJ If I Tell My Husband To Pack His Lunch Or Eat Somewhere Else?
“I do in-home daycare, and my husband gets an hour’s lunch each day from work. He comes home for lunch and watches shows on his phone. The problem is, without fail, he wakes up our daughter or another daycare child every day.
Or prevents them from falling asleep to begin with, and I don’t ever get a break.
He used to just slam the door open and shut and stomp around in his steel-toe boots (daycare is in our finished basement/playroom).
I’ve set boundaries about the door and shoes.
Our dogs bark upon his arrival, so we’ve worked to kennel them when he arrives or let them out. Sometimes I’m tending to a kid, though, and can’t get the dogs situated before he shows up.
He tends to forget to text that he’s on the way, too.
Currently, he shuts cupboards, drawers, and the microwave door loudly, cracks open a can of pop, etc., just to list a few ways he wakes up our child.
The main issue is that he comes home right as nap time starts and wakes her up just as she’s falling asleep or 20 minutes after she’s fallen asleep, and then she screams b****y murder and refuses a nap. This is an EVERYDAY occurrence.
That doesn’t even touch on the daycare kids he wakes up. I feel so burned out and full of rage and contempt when he does this. Sometimes he works through lunch and, genuinely, no one wakes up or makes a peep.
He goes out of town for work almost monthly, and nap time goes smoothly.
I’ve been telling him for months that I wish he would pack a lunch and just spend his lunch at work because it’s taking a toll on my mental health to not get a break.
Childcare is hard, and my day begins at 6:30 a.m. every single day. If someone doesn’t nap, that means I don’t get a break, and I work 11 hours straight. He thinks I’m blowing it out of proportion and being dramatic about how often it happens, but it’s literally the truth.
I’ve tried to set boundaries, but he watches his shows while he walks around making lunch and doesn’t pay attention or realize how loud he is. He often drops things like his utility knife because he doesn’t pay attention as well.
Would I be a jerk if I straight-up told him he couldn’t have lunch here anymore? I’ve asked him before to pack a lunch at work, or he could eat next door at his parents’ house with his mom, who works from home.
I just don’t see the compromise because he wakes them up and I’m left to deal with it, and I don’t get a chance to even eat or check my phone some days.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People think looking after kids means playing happily and sweet cuddles.
In many ways, it’s actually more stressful than many other occupations. But more than anything, it’s the sheer lack of breaks that makes it really hard. People shudder at 11-hour shifts, but when you’re working, you’ll get a break to have a quick chat with a colleague about something fun.
Or go get a cup of coffee or tea. Or at least take a toilet break without rushing like crazy just so you can actually finish. I don’t know what hours your husband works, but I surely know he gets an hour’s break for lunch.
He might need to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer to get the message. Maybe get him to take a day off his job, and he can do yours. Presumably, you’ll need to supervise and be available, but he can be the one to work that whole time with no break.
And then when he’s stressed out of his mind 6 hours in, mention to him he’s about halfway through and imagine what it would have been like to have had the kids disturbed part way through.” South_Front_4589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he needs to stay away for the sake of you, your child, and your business; he’s going with weaponized incompetence, and if he won’t stay away, I’d do it right back. Tell him that every time he wakes the kids and you don’t get a break, you’ll wake him while he’s asleep.
Tromp around the bedroom, drop things, and slam cupboards until he gets the message. Or, call him at work, keep calling, and make sure it’s a total nuisance and he’s not getting a break. When he comes home and wakes your child, hand him your child.
His problem as he woke the kid.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if I were in your position, I would carry the crying baby upstairs so it wouldn’t wake the others and stand in the room while he was watching something for the entire time that baby was there.
Every single time. (I’m not saying don’t comfort the crying baby, just that you should do it right next to him while he’s watching his show.) He’s the jerk, and I doubt he will agree to stop coming home just because you tell him to, so make it as unpleasant as possible every single time that he ruins your day.
It might also help to point out to him that when daycare is in session, he isn’t coming ‘home’; he’s coming into your workplace, and if he likes having the income provided by this workplace, he needs to respect it.
Also, if you came into his workplace and caused a disturbance one day, he would hit the roof. But as a last resort, maybe that is what’s needed.” MiriamHS
11. AITJ For Breaking A Promise I Made To My Daughter?
“When my ex-husband and I divorced three years ago, my daughter took it fairly well. She (unfortunately) understood why, so it wasn’t a shock, but of course, it was still a major change.
Our main focus was doing what was best for her, so we tried to involve her as much as was healthy in what the new schedule would be. We settled on a flexible 50/50, and she took it in stride. The only thing she asked was to never have any new parents or siblings.
I thought it was a weird thing to ask for, as neither of us was even considering seeing other people, but she was worried to the point of hysterics about it, so we agreed.
A year and a half ago, I met my now-husband.
My daughter met him, and they got along fine; she met his kids, and that was fine; and she’s met probably too many of her father’s female guests, so I thought she’d gotten over it. I was wrong. Late last year, we got engaged and started preparing to move in together, and she lost it.
She went into hysterics, thinking I was breaking my promise. She announced that she would not be spending the night with me anymore and demanded to live with her father 100% of the time. I told her that was ridiculous and that the schedule was not changing.
Her father decided to back her and is willing to fight it in court ‘if necessary’. My lawyer says if it goes to court, it could go either way because she’s over 12 years old, which is a last resort for us.
I don’t want this change. Her father loves her, but he’s not really a responsible parent. He leaves her home alone far too much and doesn’t even try to supervise or put limits on anything. More so, my daughter is a child, and she shouldn’t have the right to dictate how much she sees her parents.
I know I stupidly agreed to not remarry at that moment, but that wasn’t a realistic thing to promise, and she has to know that. My ex is on her side, thinks she should live where she’s most comfortable, and agrees with her that I’m ‘being irresponsible’.
I don’t think it’s healthy to give her that much power, especially over something that was demanded when she was all of nine years old.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Don’t promise your kid something and then be annoyed that she’s upset you broke that promise.
I do not think you should force her to live with anyone she doesn’t want to live with. That includes the man you are seeing, and you should’ve known that it was important to her. It is a very valid concern, and I am on her side.” lamadelyn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for agreeing, for minimizing its impact on your daughter, for invalidating her feelings, and for assuming you’re the better parent.
The stress of combining households with kids in second marriages is immense under the best of circumstances.
Your daughter likely feels like you are choosing your fiancé over her. Not only that, but you’ve broken her trust. Go ahead and move in, but know that the damage will be hard to undo and that you are in fact making a choice that places her second.” Present_Web7683
Another User Comments:
“So, OP, your daughter was old enough to know that you wouldn’t be able to hold your promise and remarry but not old enough to have preferences for living space?
As a parent, it is your job to either honor a promise you made to your child or sit her down and explain how mommy can’t promise she won’t fall in love with another man and eventually move in with him.
If the father is really irresponsible at parenting (like you’re saying), your lawyer would be less inclined to say ‘It can go either way; she’s over 12 years old’ and more inclined to say something like ‘Parents who do this and that are less likely to get full custody, so there might be a chance’.
Your whole story and vocabulary choice show that you don’t respect your daughter’s autonomy and opinions because of her age. It’s unbecoming, and coupled with the fact that it really does not matter to you that you broke a promise that you made to her, is that the relationship you want with your daughter?
Lies, contempt, and dismissiveness? You lie about a promise to shut her up, look down upon her feelings, and when you go ahead and do what you want, tell her it’s her fault for believing you.
You want the lesson your daughter learns from you to be that you will lie to her and not hold your word if it gets her to do what you want her to?
So far, what I get is that she was pretty much understanding of the situation (the divorce, the custody schedule). She only had one boundary. Was it a lot to ask? Sure. But you made a big parenting mistake, and you’re putting it on her.
It’s not the job of the nine-year-old to know and accept that her mother might remarry and force the nine-year-old to accept a blended family. If you seemingly accepted that the nine-year-old could do that, then you have to accept that the twelve-year-old can tell a judge where she’d prefer to live.
YTJ, but it’s not too late to fix this. It will come at great cost, though.” ChibiSailorMercury
10. AITJ For Leaving A Date?
“I (nb, 20) am both aromantic and a*****l (basically meaning that I only feel platonic love towards another person). I’ve been out to my whole family since I was around 16, so this isn’t anything new, but my mom (50) has set up multiple dates for me to go on, saying that it’s ‘just a phase’ and I ‘need to get over it’.
She will stop when I ask her to, but then she will set up another date. Rinse and repeat.
Normally, I grin and bear it until we leave, but this time, I had had enough. My family and I all sat down at a nice-ish restaurant and chatted for about 30 minutes before my mom dragged me over to another table where someone was already sitting.
She introduces us and goes back to the other table. At this point, I have a small idea of what is happening and am mad.
Sam (a fake name) started talking and seemed legitimately nice. I asked him if this was a date or not, and when he confirmed it, I apologized and explained that I didn’t agree to the date and that I was, in fact, aro/ace.
He apologized again before I walked out and went home.
A few hours later, my mom calls me and tears me a new one about me walking out of the restaurant and that I was immature for doing so. She then told friends and other relatives about what happened. Some side with me, others don’t.
I need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: In any case, your best match would be someone whose aro/ace too. It’s not uncommon for two people to have that between them and be in a non-romantic relationship. That’s also your choice, much like it is for you to say no to these blind dates, and Mom is overstepping big time!
You tell her to stop wasting her time with these men unless she wants to go out with them. This is no longer a situation where passive actions will get you out; now you need to be firm and tell mom that if she won’t respect you, then she can consider your relationship damaged, because it already is for you.” MotherBike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You handled everything perfectly. Your mom is way out of line and being toxic-not only is she not respecting your wishes, not only is she trying to change who you are fundamentally, but she’s lying to other people about you in an effort to discredit you.
Continue to keep her at arm’s length until she not only accepts you for who you are but also fully acknowledges and apologizes for what she did wrong.
Stand your ground, or else she will continue to manipulate you and lie about it.
She may claim to mean well, but she’s acting horribly. She clearly has no respect for anyone but herself-not you, not Sam, not the people who were in the restaurant, not anyone she lied to about you. One thing is clear: even though your mother is selfish, bigoted, and inconsiderate, she raised a wonderful child who is better than she is.
Kudos to you for rising above a very bad example of a parent.” IvankasPrisonGuard
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ; the only one that had a tantrum was your mom. I’m so sorry that she’s not accepting you as you are. I’m not ACE or ARO, but I am perfectly content being single and childless, and this is often akin to blasphemy for many people.
I can only imagine how you feel when you tell them it will never happen the way they want it and they refuse to accept it.
How you live your life is yours alone. If your mom can’t grasp that, she loses out on contact with her ‘baby.’ That’s another thing; you’re young, sure, but you’re not a baby, and that mindset isn’t helpful for her to let you make your own decisions.
Continue to stand up for yourself and live life authentically.” arissarox
9. AITJ For Firing A Bridesmaid For Ruining My Bachelorette Party?
“I’m getting married in 3 weeks, and I just had my bachelorette over Easter weekend. During a quiet moment, one of my bridesmaids took me aside and told me that about three months ago she was diagnosed with FAS.
Obviously, I asked her what that meant for her, and she started crying because she feels differently about her relationship with her mother. We met in elementary school, and she’s always had a learning disability, but she didn’t know that there was a preventable cause.
My other bridesmaids noticed her crying, and the evening ended up being about her.
We skipped going to a bar in the limo I had hired because she was upset. I thought about it all today and ended up emailing her to tell her that she took away an important moment from my life.
I feel bad about this happening to her, but even though she didn’t always know it, it’s been going on for her whole life. If this was a recent thing she found out about or some kind of deadly disease, I would feel differently, but she was sitting on this for months before bringing it up at an event that was supposed to be special to me.
You only get one bachelorette, and mine was totally overshadowed.
I felt really hurt that she did that, and I told her that I didn’t want to have her in my wedding if that’s how she’s going to treat me at a time when the focus was supposed to be something good in my life instead of something sad in hers.
She could have waited a few more weeks until after the wedding if she wanted to have this conversation. She’s still invited to the wedding, but I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid after this. I was just texting my cousin (my maid of honor), and she disagreed with me doing this.
She said that it sucked that we didn’t go to the bar, but this other friend has already paid for her dress, so I should just let her stay. My fiancé supports my choice, but I wanted another opinion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She has FAS; she may not have realized that she was overshadowing you. She had a learning disability, and a quick Google search just told me that not having great judgment can be a symptom.
It’s quite possible it was just on her mind and bothering her in the moment, and she brought it up as a result. I really don’t think she deliberately overshadowed you. You had a chance to be the bigger person by just telling her how you felt, but instead, you acted vindictive and jealous of the attention she was getting for having a mental, intellectual, or physical disorder.
That’s kind of gross.
You could have just asked her to refrain from talking about it at the wedding and asked her to spend your wedding day focusing on her happiness for you. Instead, you chose to make her feel worse by cutting her off like dead weight.
That’s a jerk move for sure in my books.” amyOPS
Another User Comments:
“It’s sad what your friend is going through, but she waited 3 months. A few more days of waiting would be enough to not ruin your party and wedding.
If she was your friend and emotional, she could have excused herself for the night instead of spoiling everybody’s mood on a day that was supposed to be a celebration. Your plans and your money went down the drain.
It’s common sense: you don’t crack jokes at funerals, you don’t talk about stillbirth at baby showers, and you don’t talk about your crippling health issues at other people’s bachelorette parties.
The so-called friend is the one who should apologize and maybe even reimburse OP’s funds that were wasted, as memories of a happy bachelorette party are forever gone.
NTJ.” RedSAuthor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that you were disappointed, but your friend had a crisis. Someone who thought she could get support in a difficult moment from someone she thought was a good and trusted friend. She likely didn’t sit on the information waiting to use it to ruin your life, but spent that time struggling, and for whatever reason that night, it all got overwhelming, and she reached out for help.
Being diagnosed with a lifelong issue that her own mother caused is a huge emotional burden.
You can have another bachelorette party; you can even do one after the wedding as a do-over. There’s no requirement to have one. But this whole ‘my special day’ thing with weddings is vastly overblown.
The world and the people you care about don’t stop having their own lives because you’re getting married. Some empathy wouldn’t hurt.” South_Front_4589
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – I get it! She found out months ago and waited until that night to say anything.
She took the attention, and you lost out on the money you paid. It was completely understandable to be hurt and frustrated. BUT you didn’t need to cut her off from the wedding. That was retaliation, pure and simple. You could have called her and opened up the door to have an honest conversation about how you felt and allowed her to respond; this would’ve shown compassion and grace.
Instead, you made a decisive decision because your feelings were hurt.
It is your wedding, but she is also a close enough friend that you asked her to be a bridesmaid, and she deserved that conversation before you decided to push her out.
I would absolutely apologize to her and realize that in this case you’ve both been crappy to each other.” Sandpipertales
8. WIBTJ If I Ban My Son's Significant Other From Sleeping Over At My House?
“I am 52 m, my son is 18 m, and his SO, Amy, is 18 f.
More recently, they have been having a lot of sleepovers, about 3–4 times a week. It has gotten to the point where chores won’t get done and my son’s grades are slipping. He has also been missing some classes and extracurriculars because of this.
My son and Amy are seniors in high school, and they are normally straight-A students.
Today my ex-wife (49) called me to tell me that my son had missed morning band practice. Amy has been sleeping over since Friday night, and she was still at the house on Monday (today).
My son skipped because he couldn’t find a ride, and instead of walking the 10 minutes to the bus stop, he just skipped. Normally, his mom or his friends take him. I’m frustrated, and it’s just been piling up to this point.
No chores get done, and he is beginning to slack off in school. They have had three pregnancy scares, and I’m worried about what that’ll do to his future.
I have a couple of options: 1. ban sleepovers altogether until they graduate.
2. ban sleepovers on all school nights, so only on Friday or Saturday nights. Or 3. give them one last chance; however, all chores need to be done regardless of whether or not Amy is here. My son can’t move out yet, and she can’t either, and I don’t want them to hate me for being strict.
I just need help.
So would I be a jerk if I was strict with my son and his SO about sleepovers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son and his SO need to get it together. If you don’t lay down the law now, you will soon have a messy house with a screaming infant and another mouth to feed.
If you are in the US and he is technically an adult and doesn’t want to respect the rules of the home, then he should move out. Otherwise, it’s my house, my rules.
Maybe reframe it instead of ‘chores’ to contribute to the running of the household.
Going to school, activities, etc. are the expectations for him in lieu of rent. His SO is banned from sleepovers until he is caught up, and then possibly you will allow weekend visits again.
But you should also lay out expectations for college, trade school, or job and what would happen if you did get pregnant so you don’t end up trapped in a situation that seems to be overwhelming you.” judgemental_t
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees. You are being an absent, careless parent, and your son is not learning to be responsible from you. The fact that you’re letting a high school student’s SO sleep over four nights a week is a symptom of the problem, not the cause.
Should they not be happening? Yeah, obviously. But will stopping them actually accomplish anything? Probably not. If Amy wasn’t sleeping over and your son didn’t have a ride to school, he clearly would have done the exact same thing.
Figure out what the root of the problem is here and address that.” Kittenn1412
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are worried, and rightfully so. However, I am not sure you’ll get what you want by banning it.
Let’s assume they’re not just sleeping, so if you ban it fully, they will find another place and time.
If they are banned from sleeping together, they will not all of a sudden spend their time working hard for school. They have other priorities, and they are distracted.
You cannot ban it and expect it to solve anything. They are young, and the teenage brain isn’t always reasonable or good at looking ahead to consequences.
The best you can do is help him with structure. My suggestion would be to go with the option of only sleepovers on Friday and Saturday, but also create a system or schedule where he spends time with her and spends time on his school work.
Let some of the chores slip for a short period of adjustment, and make sure he finds a balance between relationships and school first. Making sure he keeps seeing his friends may also help to create some normalcy.” Ok_Shop_7369
7. AITJ For Going With A Different Realtor?
“I’m in the process of buying my first home. I have been pre-approved, and my mortgage lender connected me with a realtor who I really like so far.
My friends (a married couple) have their real estate licenses, but both work in a field unrelated to real estate.
They have their licenses to try to make extra income when they can.
The husband previously helped one of my friends get their first home, and it was chaotic. There were all sorts of issues, and my friends are not happy with their home.
My friends (the married couple) with real estate licenses are now mad at me because I am not using them to purchase my home. They think I should support them and use them so they can get paid. AITJ for going with a different realtor with experience?
”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do not mix friendship and business, especially where the other party works on commission. If you think the friendship is experiencing issues now, imagine if the purchase went sideways—the incentives are all wrong here and you are right to not use them.
I might say to them that you value the friendship and don’t want to risk damaging it if the transaction doesn’t go perfectly for all involved.” Reddoraptor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your house, you choose how it pans out with preparation, but just be honest with them.
You aren’t doing it out of spite, you’re doing it because you already met with the realtor, and you like them plain and simple. You don’t even have to discuss their experience, but definitely tell them your choice was made already and you’re already on track with the realtor, so to back out now in favor of them might make the process longer.” MotherBike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I typically don’t buy into the ‘do not mix friendship and business’ saying. This typically means that one is trying to get something over on the other or take advantage in some way and that leads to fighting.
I say if you do this in one area, you will in many. If I can’t trust you to do business with you, I can’t trust you in true friendship. In your case, you have a reason to be wary given their history.
They may have been learning, etc but I wouldn’t want to be the next guinea pig. Your home is a big purchase. You should be very comfortable with your realtor.” Impossible_List5746
6. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Apologize For How He Painted My Family To His Parents?
“My (22F) partner came by our family party for Easter yesterday.
We are your stereotypical large Irish family that does enjoy drinking when we get together. Nobody gets sloshed, but people are anticipating a pretty good time when we all get together.
My partner’s family is almost the opposite. There’s rarely drinking at his family events, and if there is, it’s usually like a glass of wine that someone may have, and that’s it.
It doesn’t matter to me. I can have fun drinking and not drinking.
I was with my partner after the party, and he was on the phone with his mom in front of me. She must have asked him about the party because he was describing it.
The things he was saying really embarrassed me, and I thought they made us look like heavy drinkers.
Some quotes were: ‘Yeah mom, it was wild. Like 10 minutes after we get back from church’ ‘Oh here comes Aunt Suzy with a tray of whiskey shots for everyone.’ ‘I was asked by 3 different cousins to shotgun a beer’ ‘It literally felt like I was at a college party but with wasted old people and little kids running around’.
He laughed it off and hung up the phone with his mom. I’m not sure if he knew I heard the conversation, but I just told him how bad that made me feel. I told him he painted my whole family as heavy drinkers, and now his parents probably think less of me.
He assured me that’s not the case, and his parents aren’t judgmental. I have met them, and while they’re nice, I’m sure they will gossip about this.
I still think he was wrong. I told him that I want an apology, and I want to hear him call his mom back and tell her he was exaggerating and that wasn’t true (even though what he said was true about the shots and the beer).
AITJ for wanting this? ”
Another User Comments:
“Super gentle YWBTJ for asking him to tell his mom he was lying if what he said was true. The real issue here that no one seems to understand is the judgmental and almost vitriolic way he described people you love.
There is nothing wrong with families who party when they get together, and there’s nothing wrong with families who don’t, and no one is objectively better than another, though I understand there are a lot of people who feel differently.
I come from both types of families and enjoy time with both sides of my family equally.
You are 100% right to be hurt by the way he described your family. The resolution you’re looking for is really going to lie in getting an honest answer from him about how he really feels about your family.
If he truly looks down on them, you’ll have to make a decision about whether you want to continue a relationship with someone who feels that way about your family.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling judged at family events?
I personally would rather go out with someone who is gracious and respectful, even if he doesn’t agree with the way my family enjoys time together. I never want to be made to feel ashamed of the people I come from.” MissSonnenschein
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had a mirror held up to your family and didn’t like what you saw. That’s not your partner’s fault, and it’s genuinely insane that you believe you’re entitled to try to pressure someone you love to lie in order to appease you.
Newsflash, Miss ‘We’re Irish, not drinking addicts’: your partner is NOT required to normalize your family’s excessive reliance on liquor as a social gas to make you feel better. Stop trying to control him; it’s gross.
You can do one of two things now.
You can grow up, apologize to your partner for your overreaction, and have a good long think about what you’ve learned about yourself and the internal culture of your family through this experience. If you don’t want to be part of your family’s liquor-soaked subculture, make some changes and deal with the fallout.
Option two is that you back your family in as having zero problems despite the frequent boozy parties, continue to be boozy yourself, and let your partner go; the poor bloke deserves better than to be vilified for having good judgment.” dizzysap
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but lightly.
Your partner shouldn’t have sensationalized the liquor angle, but he was probably just surprised because he came from a mostly sober family. I do too, like him, and I’d be a little shocked by what you have described, but I’m also old enough to recognize that it’s polite to be tactful when describing the event to others.
Drinking gets moralized a lot in our society, et cetera.
You suck, mildly, for wanting him to call his mom back up and say he lied or exaggerated when he didn’t. And honestly, if he did make that call at this point, She wouldn’t believe him, and she’d wonder (correctly) if you put him up to it.
You’d just make everything worse.
You’ve asked what you should do in response to this embarrassment. You can let the past be the past—his parents probably aren’t making as big a deal over this as you might think. You can talk to him about how you’d like him to talk about these events going forward: ask him to emphasize other fun stuff and not just ‘omg booze!’ You can demonstrate at their parties that you know how to have fun without drinking—at the end of the day, they really only care about you, not your extended family.
I hope this helps. For what it’s worth, your family’s way isn’t my way, but I don’t think y’all are bad or wrong. Just different from me.” erinjeffreys
5. AITJ For Buying Dance Equipment?
“I (14F) am a dancer. I am unfortunately unable to go to classes very often because of my family’s financial needs. (I am very grateful that I am able to even participate in dance.)
When I had just turned 14, I began working at an ice cream shop to save money for equipment: a barre, leotards, and dance shoes like my teacher suggested; stretching equipment; a gymnastics beam; and a few mats just for fun.
I also did mini-jobs on the side like mowing lawns, babysitting, housework for neighbors, etc. This took so much time and effort, but I was eventually able to afford all the stuff. I had told my parents in advance that I would be working to earn some fun equipment, and they had been okay with it.
I ordered everything on Amazon excitedly; I had waited so long to click the ‘place your order’ button. Everything was scheduled to come in a few weeks, and it finally got here today! I brought the packages inside when my dad came in and asked what everything was.
I told him I had bought dance equipment, and he looked angry. He asked if I had used their money, and I said no and that I had been working for months. That was why I was out of the house a lot.
He asked how much this cost, and I said about $800. He looked livid and called my mom in. He said I had made over $800, and instead of helping them out, I had been selfish and bought things for myself. They then started screaming at me, saying how I should’ve helped them pay bills or at least helped pay for my dance lessons if I was mature enough to ‘start working and buy stuff behind their back’ when I had told them multiple times over the last few months that I had gotten a job and that I was excited to get new dance equipment.
I had even told them right after I placed the order.
They told me to return everything and give them all ‘their money’ back. I told my friends at school. Four of them agree with my parents and say it wasn’t okay for me to not help them out.
Two of them say I worked hard and that I deserve to do what I want with my money. Relatives have called me and told me to just give them ‘their money’ and that I was being a brat, and I even heard mom tell someone I was going through a rebellious teen stage and that I was a selfish thief.
I don’t understand what I did wrong, but I also feel bad because I could have used my money to help us out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ, and I’m sad this happened. If they have the power to cut off dance lessons and keeping them happy will keep those lessons happening on the regular, you could do what they ask.
Or you could plan to spend your next paycheck on the next dance lessons? Whichever is the better deal for you?
You’re a normal human with their first paycheck. One day you’ll get to spend all your money on yourself, and maybe that day is not today, but this is a good early lesson to always tell them you make far less than what you do.
Minimize your assets; don’t give in to them openly, only anonymously. I can drop funds into my parents’ bank accounts to take care of them without them knowing. Sometimes that’s better for you.” EnvironmentalGene602
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Do not give them a single dime! Ever! This is outrageous. Tell them it is their responsibility to pay all the bills, and buy all the food, and provide all the clothing and shelter. That’s called being a parent. It’s time they learned some responsibility instead of trying to steal from their 14-year-old daughter.
Never ever give your parents your money; never ever pay a single bill for them. Do not normalize their trashy behavior. If you do it once, they will expect you to do it all the time. People like that will suck you dry.
If they steal your funds, do not get a job until you move out, no matter how much they scream. Do not allow them to use you.” ArabMagnus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s money you earned, so you can spend it how you like (within sensible boundaries for a 14-year-old, which your purchases definitely were).
I don’t understand why your parents would think it’s ‘their’ money.
However, are you aware of how bad or otherwise the financial situation is at home? Judging by your parents’ and wider family’s reactions, it may be worse than you think.
If it is, it still wouldn’t make YTJ, but you may want to think about how you’d feel if the lack of financial security made you, well, less secure as a family. To be clear, I’m not saying it’s your job as a 14-year-old to pay your family’s bills.
But if you were able to have a mature conversation with your parents about the situation, it may give you some context and insight into what’s going on. Who knows, it may make you decide you want to help.” Independent-Debate58
4. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband's Parents That He Got Hospitalized?
“Two weeks ago, my husband hurt himself pretty badly and ended up in the hospital. They held him for five days before we had to take him home.
He was put on several different meds that have him so out of it, and the few days he’s been home have been a lot of just trying to sleep and getting sick. I’ve just been trying to make him comfortable and keep things going.
In those days, I didn’t tell his parents. Actually, while we were at the hospital, I didn’t call anyone but my mom. I know that sounds horrible, and I’m not sure what to say for myself. He doesn’t have a terrible relationship with his parents, but it’s tense, and they have never been very supportive or kind to him.
They are condescending and impatient at their best, and I just don’t think anyone can handle that right now. I only started making calls after we’d been home awhile, and I only told his sister, who must have called them.
My mother-in-law calls me incredibly upset, which I understand. I tried to apologize and explain that I just thought having them both there would stress him out, but she just got angrier and hung up.
I didn’t hear from her again until yesterday when she showed up at our house, angry and demanding to see my husband.
I said I was willing, but she needed to calm down and stop yelling. She got pushy, and I threatened to call the cops until she left. Both she and his father have called me, saying how unfair it is that I’m keeping their son from them, but I knew it was going to be like this.
I’m just trying to keep their weird drama away from him until he can at least speak for himself. Am I out of line? Should I just apologize and let them have a few hours with him? I know I probably should, but I just know they’ll just make things worse.”
Another User Comments:
“Chances are, you did the right thing. I wouldn’t want people like that around me, especially when I’m not in the right mind. It’s not good for his recovery. As you describe them, I feel like they would demand he gets up and does things or berate him for the injury.
You won’t really know until your husband has recovered more.
There is a risk that not telling them could have gone worse. If his injuries couldn’t be treated at the hospital. They would have wanted to come.
When your husband recovers, you two should talk this over and form a plan for the future.
Future injuries, who to call, and when. So you know what his wishes would be. As well as for him to know your wishes if something happens to you.
NTJ.” ArchyDWolf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You knew what you did was wrong because you said that you didn’t know what to say for yourself for not telling them.
So some part of you knew. I get wanting to protect your husband, but this honestly sounds as if you couldn’t deal with the drama or stress. Not what your husband actually wanted.
You also say that their over-the-top reaction was exactly what you expected. But did you ever stop to think their reaction was something of your creation?
If you had told them at the time or soon after, things may have been very different.
At the end of the day, your husband doesn’t have an awful relationship with his parents. Your actions were based on your perspective and understanding of their relationship.
Honestly? You overstepped.
Be the bigger person and apologize.” confused-88
Another User Comments:
“I might be reading too much into the words ‘my husband hurt himself pretty badly,’ but if your husband hurt himself volitionally, if he has the tendency to harm himself, then the fact that you’re keeping parents who are unsupportive and, in fact, upset him a great deal away from him until he’s more recovered might well be the correct thing to do and properly protective of your husband’s health and well-being.
If that is the case, I would suggest that you talk with your husband’s psychiatrist for some guidance regarding visits by his parents.
It sounds like your husband’s condition is such that he cannot yet state his opinion or desires in terms of seeing his parents.
Once he’s able to express his desires rationally, of course, ask him. But until then, I say, go with your gut. You know him better than anyone else does. If you think having his parents there would be bad for him, then go with your instincts.
I wish you both well as your husband recovers.
NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but you are a somewhat understandable jerk. You didn’t just refuse to let his parents see him. You didn’t inform them at all, and they had to hear the news secondhand.
By your description, they do have a relationship, even if a tense and strained one. Even more so now because if you don’t think they aren’t going to complain to your husband about how awful you were (their perspective) for not even letting them know what’s going on, think again.
Imagine what kind of spot that’ll put your husband in.
You didn’t tell them because you didn’t want them there, and you don’t like them. I get that, but let’s not pretend this would have been your husband’s decision or that it was really because you didn’t want to deal with them.
If the situations were reversed and your husband didn’t even inform your family or actively kept them away, you’d be extremely angry. Rightfully so. His relationship may be strained with his parents, but he does have one. You didn’t ask him, and if he was so out of it that he couldn’t communicate or think clearly, it was serious enough to be dangerous, even slightly so.
In which case his parents needed to be kept in the loop. If he wasn’t, then you simply didn’t ask or bring it up because you knew the answer and didn’t want to deal with in-laws you don’t like.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
3. AITJ For Saying That I Won't Help My Partner With His Child Anymore?
“My partner (30M) and I (23F) have been together for a little over two years. We moved in together in June 2022. He has a son who is with us on weekends.
I am a full-time college student and work 4-5 days a week. My schedule is busy, and in between balancing work, school, working out, etc., I am often tired and wake up later than my partner.
In May 2022, I adopted two stray kittens.
One of them was 3 months old, and the other was 5 weeks old. It was an expensive situation, and they are indoors only, but it was worth everything!
Last week, I woke up and was greeted with throw-up in the kitchen.
One of the cats tends to eat too fast at times. My partner did not clean it up, and when I asked why, he said because they were ‘my cats’ and I was in charge of caring for them.
A couple of weeks prior, I had made the point that, in retrospect, they are my cats.
I paid/pay for all of their vet visits, shots, food, litter, and monthly flea treatments. They are also microchipped with my contact information in case they ever escape. I had said this because if we were to break up, the cats would come with me (all of their paperwork has my name on it).
My partner chose not to financially contribute, and I was fine with that.
Apparently, this hurt his feelings, and he used that against me by not cleaning up their trash or litter boxes over the past couple of weeks.
This is where I may be the jerk.
I told him that since that’s how it’s going to be, I will not be helping him with his child anymore. I will not buy him food, take him out when my partner is working, or answer when he calls.
Since he is not my child, it is not my responsibility to care for him in any way. I often take him on play dates with my younger brother, but I will not do that either.
My partner called me a jerk and left the house.
I was very upset in the moment, but I feel like the situation could have been avoided if he had not been so petty. I also stood my ground.
AITJ for telling him his child is not my problem?
I did NOT go through with what I said about his child.
I do care for him and try to help my partner when he asks me to. I was very upset in the moment and acted in word vomit.
Edit: My partner moved in with me because his prior living conditions were poor.
I do a majority of cleaning and pay a majority of the necessities.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you went through with it, that judgment might have been different, but it honestly just sounds like a mixture of the straw that broke the camel’s back, immaturity, and bad communication.
Your partner should have communicated that you hurt his feelings, and you should have discussed how to move forward instead of him punishing you for reinforcing the notion of the cats being yours should you ever break up. You provided for them and paid for them, so they are yours.
If he isn’t going to take care of things that are yours, he also doesn’t get to enjoy those things, like the cat, the apartment, the furniture, you, etc.
Because it sounds like you do everything (bring money in, buy everything, provide everything, do all the cleaning, the majority of cooking, even childcare for his kid…), what does he do?
How much of his household expenses does he pay? How many chores does he do? Are you effectively his stay-at-home mommy, and he just gets to enjoy life?
If your income is very different, calculate your hours spent doing things not for yourself but for you two as a couple and his child.
This includes chores, childcare, finances, and really anything that doesn’t benefit just you but him, too. The goal should be a similar amount of time; in your case, childcare should mainly fall on him. So calculate that as an extra to consider it as your workload, but also to make sure he is not making you the default parent for his kid… because you wouldn’t be the first young woman roped into that role for a man refusing to parent his own child.” KMN208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he used the ‘not my cats argument’ so he didn’t have to do anything. He is probably working around doing less and less, with you taking on more and more responsibility for looking after his kid.
So saying that really rocked his boat. My finances aren’t so good, or my lease is up, or I have to move out of my place are all excuses for a guy to move in with a woman way too quickly, especially if they have a kid.
They contribute very little in the way of money and chores and push their kid onto you. Like the weekend they have the kid, suddenly they have something to do and you are left babysitting.
You really need to be careful about how much this guy is bringing to the table in terms of chores, money, and childcare.
Fun stuff like playing with the cats doesn’t count. Nor does he play with the child if he is not making their meals, washing and ironing their clothes, packing their lunch, helping with homework, dropping them off at school, etc. I have a feeling only the kid’s mom does that.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – He was hurt by something, communicated it poorly, and then decided to be petty. It sounds like you haven’t actually taken the actions that you were threatening as of yet, so I think you matched the energy he brought to the table.
The two of you need to sit down and have a conversation. Not just about this but about your communication in general. It sounds like you knew that you weren’t going to be including him with the cats, and he, even though he was not financially involved at all, apparently, still thought that he was somehow going to have some claim over them, which leads me to believe that the lack of communication stemmed from way back then and has not gotten any better.” amp_ro
2. AITJ For Attending A Bachelor's Party Two Weeks After My Partner Had A Miscarriage?
“I (M28) have a significant other (F22), Nailea, and we have been together for close to a year at this point. We had a great relationship leading up to this point, and now I’m just shocked at the position we are now in.
Nailea and I recently found out she was pregnant. It was shocking, to say the least, because we weren’t actively trying and because she and I were under the impression that she would never be able to naturally conceive children.
She told me when she was younger she went through some horrible stuff, and as a result of that, the doctor told her she would probably never be able to have a kid of her own without medical intervention. So this was somewhat of a miracle baby, and we were both fully prepared to have this baby until she unfortunately miscarried…
It was really horrible, to say the least. She fell into depression, and I was sad too.
Two weeks later, I had a trip planned for my brother’s bachelor’s party. This was planned way before we even found out she was pregnant.
She told me how she didn’t want me to go and that she still needed me, but I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to do if I stayed. I told her I would be back in 3 days, and she seemed fine with that answer because she gave me the go-ahead.
The day I was leaving, she asked me, ‘Are you seriously actually going to go?’ and I told her I had to since the ticket and hotel are non-refundable. So I did end up going.
The whole trip, I barely heard from her, and I tried calling her, but she just ignored me.
I came home from the trip to our apartment, and all of her stuff was gone, and she took my dog and dropped it off at my parents’ house. I went to my mom’s house and picked up my dog, and she told me my SO dropped the dog off because she couldn’t watch it and she needed space from me.
I told my mom what happened, and she told me I was an idiot and a jerk for what I did. I don’t believe what I did was wrong by going on this trip; she told me I could go.
I tried calling her to sort this out because I love her, but I’ve just been ignored so far. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dude, you messed up big time. Your SO finds out about a surprise pregnancy with your baby and then has a miscarriage, and you go right off on a trip to a bachelor party, saying you have to because your hotel, etc. are non-refundable, after she asked you not to go because she needed you at this time.
Sure, she then told you to go, but you knew she really wanted you there. One man to another, I’ve got to tell you that is really not cool. I wouldn’t blame her if she decides not to take you back.” VariousTry4624
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother will only have one bachelor party (hopefully); there aren’t many things that should cause you to miss it. If his wedding was on the same date, would she expect you to miss that?
I get it she’s upset; it’s not a small thing she went through, but she’s perhaps not mature enough for your relationship if she expects you to miss out on a life event with your brother to honor her multi-week mourning period.
Maybe some men would make the other choice. She gave you an ultimatum you didn’t want to keep and has broken up over it, but that’s her choice; you have nothing to apologize for unless you want to bite the bullet to win her back.
If you stay separated, neither party can call the other a horrible ex. You just wanted different things at the same time and felt strongly enough about them to end things.
Good luck though; hopefully the best comes to both of you.” WetDogDeodourant
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She lost a baby she never thought she’d have, and you left her because the trip was paid for! She told you to go, but parents who actually love their unborn or lost child often go through depression and don’t say what they are feeling.
Something you clearly don’t know about because you are over it like the child didn’t mean anything to you. Yes, you were sad, but you got over it just in time for your trip. How convenient. I feel so sorry for her that she had to discover this way how horrible of a partner you would have been.” Njbelle-1029
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s awful that she had a miscarriage, and it’s understandable that she’s still grieving; however, life doesn’t stop around her. It’s been two weeks, and there’s not a lot you can do for your SO at this point, so I don’t think it makes you a jerk to go to your brother’s bachelor party, which is meant to be a big one-time event (so it wasn’t like a boys night out or even a normal guys trip), one that was already scheduled before you found out about the pregnancy.
The big issue here, I think, is communication between the two of you. Her saying, ‘I don’t care, just go,’ is very passive-aggressive, and she obviously didn’t mean it. It’s understandable that you took it at face value, but considering that she’d previously told you that she wanted you to stay, you should’ve questioned whether she really meant it as a go-ahead or not.” Smooth-Tie-9825
1. AITJ For Defending The Restaurant Staff?
“My (21F) SO (25F) invited 2 friends to come to lunch with us at our favorite restaurant (we’ll call them Alex & Tessa).
The server greeted us and asked Alex how many people we needed seating for while I stood behind a couple of steps down, slightly out of sight (relevant later).
We sat down, and the server asked if we’d like the ‘unlimited’ menu or the order menu (my SO and I only come for the unlimited menu), and Alex said that we’d like to have the menus to decide between them, which is fair enough.
We settled on the unlimited menu (£25 each), and the server came over to confirm.
Alex then placed the menu behind them on another table, to which the server said, ‘Could you please not do that? One of us will take it’.
Alex complied, but the second the server was out of sight, they picked up their coats and ran out, saying that it was unacceptable and they’d meet us later, leaving everyone at the table in shock. Tessa then said that they’d go after Alex to check on them and see, and the two of them ended up going to lunch together somewhere else.
My SO and I, not wanting to cause a scene, stayed and requested two for the unlimited menu and just ate lunch. The server who seated us was very awkward and asked if he’d done anything wrong, so we lied and said Alex and Tessa had an emergency and had to leave.
After finishing our food, we met both Alex and Tessa at a coffee shop, expecting some form of explanation as to why they’d left us. As soon as we showed up, Alex started talking loudly, ‘I’m never setting foot in there again!
We know who isn’t an ally now! I’m not paying £25 to be talked to like that!’
I was very surprised. According to Alex, the way the waiter spoke to them was unacceptable and homophobic (we’re all queer, and there was some androgyny in the way we were dressed).
Apparently, asking how many seats we needed was playing dumb (I was out of sight), and asking Alex not to place the menu behind them was blunt and therefore horrible and unacceptable. The server was to the point but, in my mind, was not rude or demeaning.
We then added that the server came over to ask whether they had done something, to which Alex said, ‘Well, if they had to ask, it’s because they know they did.’
This is where I may have been the jerk.
I completely disagreed with Alex. I said calmly but firmly that we don’t know if the server disliked us (my SO and I have been in many times with lots of different people, and we even know some of the wait staff and have never had a bad experience at all), but they were just doing their job.
I said that it was very awkward for me and my SO after, and it was unfair to ‘be such a jerk about it’ because I got very annoyed.
After that, it got very awkward, and everyone left. My SO agrees with me but says I should’ve left it, and it makes it uncomfortable for her now with Alex.
I apologized and said I went too far, but after talking to some other friends, I’m not sure. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems Alex had an agenda to be victimized that day because none of the things the server did were wrong.
It’s standard to ask how many will be seated at the table. How is the restaurant supposed to know if there will be more showing up later unless you make a reservation? As for the menus, as a server, I would ask you to hand them to me too.
I probably wouldn’t have said ‘don’t do that,’ but still. Other guests are going to sit at that table; why would you place your menus there?
I can see why your SO feels like she was put in an awkward situation, but you’re not the one who put her there.
Alex did it by being dramatic and unreasonable.
If I worked at that restaurant, I would be very happy to know I wouldn’t have to deal with such an obnoxious guest again.” Glum_Mix_2837
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friends are jerks.
It is generally not cool behavior to just put things on other tables at a restaurant, and the server asking them not to do so is totally fine. EVERY restaurant asks how many people are there; they have no idea if you have more people joining you.
I’m sure this makes things uncomfortable with Alex. But Alex is the sort of person who makes things uncomfortable for everyone else. Your SO wants to keep the peace and not acknowledge that. And that leaves people like the waitstaff to deal with nasty, rude individuals like Alex all day long.
Good on you for calling Alex out.
Having a spine can be difficult and inconvenient. It’s fine if your SO is not there. It is not fine that she tells you that you need to just put up with jerks.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“Slight ‘everyone sucks here’. Alex clearly perceived some sort of homophobia toward them, but their reaction seemed a bit over the top. You are also slightly a jerk for arguing with Alex about their feelings. Essentially, it boils down to a group of people arguing over whether or not some wait staff was rude or not instead of just getting on with their lives.
I agree Alex was most likely overreacting to the situation you have described, but arguing with them about it was just as unnecessary.” Ness-Shot
I think only a parent can truly understand how bad this was.
With that in mind, you probably should start asking yourself, on the daily, if you're ready to forgive. You've definitely made your point.