People Get Funny About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Rejecting My Sister Joining The Family Business After I Helped It Grow?
“I (30M) know some of these issues are better suited for an accountant or lawyer, and they are working on this, but I’m posting here more for family advice.
My dad (66M) has run a roof plumbing business for 30 years. For the first 24 years, it was just him and occasionally an offsider during busy periods. I joined my dad six years ago while figuring out my next move and then decided to commit to the business.
Before joining, I was a sports management grad and traveled the world.
Since joining the business, we’ve pivoted from just roof construction to roof maintenance and cleaning. We’ve grown from just my dad and me to over 25 employees.
I love my dad and he was a good tradie, but he wasn’t focused on the business side of things. Before, he was making a good living for just himself, but since I joined, we’ve grown and become a lot more professional. This year, we’re targeting our first double-digit million revenue.
Our profits are low because we’re focused on growth.
I never thought of the inheritance stage because my sisters and BIL are accountants, engineers, or lawyers who are very white-collar workers and want no part of the business.
My sister (33F), an accountant, even told us we had to use another accountant because she didn’t have time to help with our taxes.
Unbeknownst to me, my dad has been telling my sister and BIL about our revenue target for this fiscal year.
She is now interested in coming in as Managing Director to help professionalize the business. I was ambushed with this news at dinner. I laughed and was speechless. It turned into a nasty argument where I felt I was being patronized and told I couldn’t do what I’d done in the last six years.
She started saying our profits are too low for our revenue and we need to be addressing all these issues. She has never set foot in our warehouse.
I know this was my dad’s business, but to be honest, he was just a sole trader before I came.
I changed our business model, made us a website, worked with an agency to launch our marketing campaigns, and was on the tools. When we moved from sole trader to a company, we issued two shares and each had one.
I guess it was never a family business when we were struggling, but now that we’re successful, it’s a family business. I’ve been arguing with my dad, mum, and sisters. I guess they are due to something with my dad’s side, but I don’t know what the next steps are.
My little sister (23F) works part-time for the business while she is studying to become a lawyer.
AITJ for being against my sister joining the business?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A recent post was similar, dad was going to let the other non-interested son take over after the younger one yelped the company grow.
He left and took a bunch of clients with him. Glad you are consulting with an attorney…I’m sure they’ve asked you to document all you’ve done. I’m also worried about your employees as that’s a target area for people to cut when they come in to make it more profitable.” ammonites
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is jumping on the bandwagon because she has dollar signs in her eyes. We see this in businesses everywhere, some newly minted MBA or new Managing Director, with no knowledge of the business, comes in to boost revenue.
They will alienate suppliers, customers, and most importantly, employees in their quest to cut costs and ‘increase shareholder value’. They will seek instant returns on the balance sheet to justify their high salaries and bonuses. Over time they will destroy the business.
OP – you need to lock down your position and your ownership share in the business that YOU built NOW before your dad destroys everything you have done by trying to please your sister.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a general rule not to do business with family. You and your dad are making it work don’t push it. I have been down this road and advise against it. You should push to buy your dad out of the shares of the business but agree to split the profits while he is alive.
If not start your own. Your siblings will turn into a pack of hyenas when it comes time for wills and probate. What if you get huge and your mom divorces your dad just to take half the business?
People get weird when money is involved” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister-In-Law's Partner's Party After Work?
“The last few months have been crazy! My fiance and I have been wedding planning and trying to keep ourselves calm and collected (our wedding is in 2 weeks). Recently, I got my sister-in-law’s partner (I’ll call Damian (40 M)) a job where I work.
Lately, it’s been a tough week!! We’ve been deep cleaning as much as we can because the owner came in and was not happy with the state of our kitchen. Normally, I work 4 pm-10 pm but in the last handful of days, I’ve been working 3:30 pm-2 am.
Today was the worst of it all. I got ambushed by 4 walk-in parties (not scheduled) at the same time. Due to the intensity and stress, I called my manager to come back to work, to help me. I threw up 3 times in less than an hour, rushing around the kitchen cooking.
Well, here’s where things start to go wrong. Damian booked his party where we work because we get a 50% discount on everything. I told my sister-in-law that I would most likely be working during his party but that I wouldn’t be able to participate.
However, my manager wrote up the schedule for the week my fiance and I leave to go back to our home state for the wedding. I’m now working the morning shift (10 am-5 pm) and this week will only be focused on cleaning.
I come home every day, soaked in sweat and smelling like bleach. I texted my sister-in-law, that I will most likely not be staying for the party that starts at 6 pm-10 pm. I even called Damian and told him, I’d stay the extra hour to say happy Birthday when he showed up but I would probably go home and not return for the rest of the party.
We live 30 minutes away and after work, I’m just too exhausted to keep driving. When I got home tonight at 2:30 am, my fiance told me her sister was upset that I didn’t want to drive back for the party and also told me her sister said “If he doesn’t come back for the party, that’s it.
Me and Damian are cutting ties with him”. Damian had no issue with me not wanting to drive back but now I feel pressured into going because I don’t want to cause family drama with my fiance and her sister.
My fiance and surprisingly my mother-in-law sided with me. I haven’t been able to talk to my sister-in-law as I just got home and showered while everyone was asleep. (besides my fiance, who told me what my sister-in-law said)
(Side note: this situation is even more tense because my future sister-in-law, is a bridesmaid for the wedding.)
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Is she telling you to go back to clean and get changed and then go back to stay for the entire party?
Or just stay after work for the duration of the party? Honestly either way I’m going to say NTJ. You sound burned out and with a wedding in two weeks (congrats by the way) this just sounds like unnecessary stress.
Might be better if your fiance talks with her to figure out a solution since you already tried to compromise to stay after your shift to say happy birthday to him.” goshidontknow1395
Another User Comments:
“So she’s expecting you to prioritize her over your well-being?
Yeah no that’s not right NTJ either way – your fiance’s family sees how much of a jerk she is – so why should you care? Oh and get her out of the wedding ASAP because that is NOT gonna end well for anyone” __Obelisk__
19. AITJ For Planning A Trip To Japan Without My Mother After Multiple Cancelled Plans?
“A couple of years ago I(27M) came into a bit of money from an inheritance my father left me (Nothing crazy but a good start) and lived with my mother.
My mother fought quite a long legal battle to secure the inheritance and my mother and father weren’t together during my lifetime. When I obtained the money I told her I would take her to Japan the following year, I saw this as a thank you for all the years of taking care of me basically as a single mother for most of my life and a goodbye.
As I wanted to move into a new place with my partner(now wife) soon after the trip. However due to travel restrictions, the trip was canceled, I promised I would take her the following year, which unfortunately didn’t end up happening because travel restrictions were still in place for the country I live in.
However, 2022 was the year I got engaged and moved in with my fiance. I decided to use the money I would have spent on my mom for the trip to Japan to buy mom things for her home – a new fridge, stove, and vacuum cleaner.
I got married in 2023 and went to Italy for my honeymoon – my mother constantly brought up Japan said I rushed into marriage, she fought with me constantly about her she felt unimportant during the wedding, even though she was at a special table, she did a speech and we danced.
Now my fiance has decided to take us to Japan next year and my mom says if I go then she will never speak to me again and that it is so disrespectful to go and that I should go somewhere else otherwise I am “stealing her dream” Am I the jerk for going without her?
Some important context I think is relevant:
•I work for my mother’s small business for many years earning a meager salary, I also sometimes buy stock for her business. I also have side hustles that produce an income but this is my everyday job.
•Traveling to Japan was not always her dream and as an avid anime and fan of Japanese culture, I can attest to this.
•When she was younger she traveled to many countries – England, Spain, Brazil, and others – on her parents’ dime.
• I pay for half of a few of her bills as I did when I lived there.
•She often resorts to guilt-tripping and very malicious insults when she doesn’t get her way – she talks very badly about my wife as well.
I’m not sure what to do as she is the woman who raised me and took care of me my whole life but she seems to want to control my life and doesn’t mind belittling me if it suits her.
Some answers and advice would be greatly appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“If I had been waiting/planning to go Japan with my child for years but couldn’t due to unusual circumstances and they finally ended up going with their spouse as soon as they got one, I would be super hurt too.
Maybe all three of you can go? YTJ here.” zeethebeee
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ I do think planning a trip to Japan now without her is a bit of a slap in the face to your mother after all the promises you made.
That said, you seem to be overly generous and hand over a lot of your money, so she shouldn’t complain too much. It’s not like you do nothing for her. Since she badmouths your wife, I would tell her that now that you are married, she’s no longer invited because she is mean to your spouse.
You should probably sit down with her and see if she needs you to finance so much of her life. A little help once in a while is understandable but it sounds like you do too much, tbh.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Soft ntj. Yes, it was a bit of a jerk move backing out of promises but it’s not like you didn’t do anything for her. The stuff for her house would’ve made up for it IMO and it’d be unreasonable to bring someone who disrespects both you and your SO on a trip with the SO.
Also, might wanna get another main job. Cut the umbilical cord and gain back some of that power she has over you.” Forsaken_Bathroom_35
18. AITJ For Parking In Front Of My House Despite Neighbors' Large Truck?
“We have a really good relationship with all our neighbors, which is a priority for our family. The neighbors across the street are especially great, and we enjoy chatting with them. I was very touched recently when my dad (who also lived on our street) passed and they attended his service.
They cried with my mom, brought soup for her, and were just great people. All that to say, I don’t want to be a jerk as I value our relationship.
For years, they have parked their large delivery trucks in their driveway and sometimes on the street in front of their house – this has never been an issue.
However, they recently got a new delivery truck that is much larger than the previous ones – so much so that to get it out of their driveway the turn is so wide the truck comes to our curb and grazes the front of our driveway.
We recently put up a basketball hoop in our driveway for our 4 young kids, aged 4-9, and when they play during the day, I’ve been parking our van at the front of our driveway, parallel to the street but blocking our driveway so the basketball doesn’t roll into the street when they play (and so our kids don’t chase it into the street).
Our neighbor messaged us to let us know that when we park like that, it’s almost impossible for them to get the delivery truck in and out of their driveway (our driveway is not facing theirs, but the truck has a really wide turn).
As I was watching them pull out this morning, I realized that if we have a car parked on the street anywhere in front of our house, it will be impossible for them to pull their truck out.
I don’t want to be limited to keeping our van only in our driveway, as I want my kids to be able to play there especially as the weather gets better. We bought this particular house to enable our kids to play outside.
I also want my guests to be able to park in front of our house, which will now be an issue. I feel like our neighbors should have considered that they wouldn’t be able to get that large truck in and out of their driveway if anyone was parked on the street, and considered that before they got such a large commercial vehicle to park on our residential street.
However, I also know that that ship has sailed – they already have the truck, it affects their livelihood, and if we park in front of our house they are stuck.
AITJ if we continue to park in front of our house, or let guests park in front of our house, knowing they won’t be able to get their truck in and out???”
Another User Comments:
“Where I live, it’s illegal to park in front of and block access to a driveway, even your own. Not sure about where you live, but what you’re describing isn’t something you’d be allowed to do here and you’d be accumulating parking tickets.
As for parking in front of your house in a place you’re allowed to park, NTJ. It’s unreasonable for anyone to ask you not to park there because they’ve bought a vehicle they can’t navigate through a residential street.
Also, even if you don’t park there, anyone else still can. A polite, honest conversation about unreasonable expectations is the way to go.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The problem is the situation, not the people.
Ultimately the responsibility is on them, but since you value the relationship, it’s worth a shot. Is there a third option? You mentioned you couldn’t park on the street anywhere in front of your house, what about in front of their house?
Would the turn radius work that way? Would that be too much of a hassle for you? You could put a little removable net fence thing in your driveway for the ball.” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have to figure out how to acclimate their huge truck on their property, not encroach on yours.
As far as I know, the street area in front of your own house is yours. As is theirs, theirs. So if their vehicle is too large for their spaces, and they need to encroach in yours to get in and out, they are the jerks, in a way.
If you can all discuss it and the possible remedies, great. But don’t let it impact the right you have to park in front of your own house, and your kids to play basketball in the driveway.” Euphoric_Travel2541
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half The Rent After My Brother's Wife Kicked Out Her Friend?
“My brother, 20m, and me, 22m, moved into an apartment together with his wife, 19f. We both agreed to split the rent 50/50 totaling 2000. We agreed his wife would live for free as she’s about to have a kid.
They both use substances, which I don’t care for. So, my sister-in-law one day out of the blue invited one of her best friends to stay with us. We’ll call her Marie, 18f. I don’t mind if she does, we have an extra bedroom until the child is born anyway.
So a couple of weeks go by, and Marie get pretty close, watching anime and bonding through Demon Slayer (nothing like you’re thinking, folks). On the second weekend of her being here, my brother starts throwing her stuff out onto the lawn.
So my sister-in-law, Marie, and I are all wondering what’s going on. We put all of her stuff into a safe location and we go out for the day, (just me and Marie and one of my friends).
Halfway through our day, Marie gets pretty upset over something. I’m not sure what it was and she wouldn’t say what it was, so we just went home. When we arrive, she says she has to be out by tonight (sent by a text through my sister-in-law) and of course, she doesn’t tell me why either.
So we pack the rest of her belongings and help her move into her relative’s house. I proceed to help her by moving her things with my truck, letting her use a laptop of mine for school, and doing as much as I can so she can have a head start getting her life together.
Another week goes by and they start acting petty to me. My brother doesn’t say anything to me, he doesn’t even talk to his wife very much. Yes, they just sit there and stare at each other sometimes.
My sister-in-law started sending me texts demanding that I don’t bring Marie over and stating she doesn’t care if we remain friends, and a bunch of other things small enough not to be mentioned. If she were to ask I wouldn’t have cared as much as I do.
So I called my brother and told him if he didn’t get his ducks in a row I wouldn’t be paying for half of the extra room. I’ll only pay for my room, 1/3 of the rent. If they want to treat me like roommates then they’ll have to start acting like it.
Then today, my sister-in-law started doing more petty things to inconvenience my day. So I told her I’m not going to be paying half the rent, and that if she smokes anymore I’ll get child protective services involved with her kid.
I texted my brother the same thing and he didn’t respond. I said this because I gave them a second chance to figure it out, but they don’t seem to want to listen. I’m not sure what I should do in this situation, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should only be paying 1/3 or 1/4 of the rent because your brother, his wife, and kid are 3 people, you are only one. Same with utilities. They should be paying 3/4 or 2/3 because there are 3 of them and I’m sure they have to wash a lot of clothes etc. because of the baby.
They are also taking up more rooms. So no matter how you work it, they owe much more than you. Also, it isn’t your sister-in-law’s apartment, she isn’t on the lease, she doesn’t get to tell you what to do in the room you pay for or who you can have come over.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t share an apartment with a smoker even if I only paid one-third. Find another roommate and move out. You can pay half the rent of a two-bedroom place, no smoke, no screaming baby, and you will be much happier.
Maybe you could share with Marie?” Maximum-Swan-1009
16. AITJ For Excluding My Friend From Our Child-Free Gatherings Because She Can't Leave Her Toddler At Home?
“For context, me and four friends all had babies around the same time (within about six months of each other) and the babies were all between 12-18 mo. My son is 14mo and my “attachment parenting” friend’s son is 18mo.
When we were all pregnant we decided we would not ever let being a mom take over our lives, we’d continue to hang out and have normal relationships, etc. Four of us have maintained that fact. We hang out regularly.
When her son was about six weeks old our friend devoted herself fully to attachment parenting. We all realized quickly that she was happy to be a mom and only mom and we were excited for her. I tried it myself after hearing her talk about the bonds and things but it’s just not for me.
I enjoy having breaks and sleep training saved my sanity lol.
She is completely controlled by her son. We would invite her out initially but we were always met with a no – it was too late in the day, usually.
We typically enjoy hanging out after bedtime but her son can’t cope without her so she can’t attend.
The daytime ones we planned she couldn’t attend because they aren’t baby-friendly and he won’t settle.
Her son needs to be with her 24/7 and we do not want to escape our kids hanging out with her so we recently, as a group, stopped inviting her out with us.
She is upset and is claiming we’re not being understanding – shaming her for her parenting decisions. I understand how we are, but on the other hand, it’s not hard to understand that we want to spend time child-free and that includes hers too.
It all came to a head a few days ago when we were having one of our toddler play dates and the kids were all playing – I mentioned going out for drinks that night and she commented on wishing we’d planned these things earlier in the day for her.
I told her that we do it because we want it to be child-free. She claimed we were purposefully excluding her.
I told her that she only gets so upset over it because she’s created a clingy monster of a toddler and can’t escape him.
I was aggressive and immediately apologized, but I’m tired of tiptoeing around her when she’s created this situation herself. He won’t die if she leaves him at home. She can come hang out if she wants; she just doesn’t want to deal with a tantrum.
She got really upset, obviously, and ended up leaving early.
Our other friends think we should start planning events so her son can just hang out too – we miss spending time with her, but I don’t think she should get to bring her son.
It’s not a mom’s evening if she’s got a toddler screaming for the breast all evening.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made it clear that some of these outings are not baby-friendly, and yet she either doesn’t want to respect that or has to have a scene about it.
All of us have had a tantrum at some point when we were young. Not to mention every parent has to deal with it too. She’s just dragging out the inevitable by refusing to come face to face with that fact.” daniell321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your hangouts have a condition – no kids. If she can’t manage that, she’s not invited. Maybe you could still hang out with her one-on-one but in a much more child-friendly atmosphere. Plus, I can only imagine how an attachment-parented 18-month-old will behave in public, so you may be limited to outdoor or extremely child-friendly places.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“The thing is, you can promise to be all kinds of things until the reality of parenting hits you. Everyone is surviving. Some people have it harder at the newborn stage. Some people have it harder with toddlers or teenagers.
Nobody says it’s easy. it’s a learning curve for everyone. No jerks here. You’re making time to get together with kids. She cannot attend some events. She naturally feels left out. You miss having your friend.
You all sound like a bunch of moms trying to make sense of a new reality. Just try not to be mean about the things she can’t change. My first child was a joy I left her with my sister at ten days old.
My second child was colicky and I hardly left his side for the first two years—nobody else could handle him. Be thankful that things for you are going as planned, not everyone is so lucky. ” Talking_on_the_radio
15. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Coworker To Her Car After Work?
“I have a friend/coworker, “Ana”, who chooses to park in our work’s “extended parking lot” instead of the regular lot. It isn’t very far by car, but it is quite a lot of walking considering we work a rather physical job.
We get off work late into the night and it is not the safest area (it’s the most dangerous county in the state…) so I elected to give her a ride to her car a few times since I worry about her.
Now, Ana tends to follow me to my car, expecting me to give her rides to her car every night, never asking, just expecting.
Eventually, it started bothering me so the first thing I did was ask her why she parks so far.
Her answer was, “There is never any parking closer”. However, this is a blatant lie as we arrive at work at nearly the same time every day and I watch her pass a dozen spots on her way to the extended lot.
I called this out as well and told her it just isn’t a safe area to be walking so far by yourself this late at night and asked if she could just park closer. She blew me off, continuing to park far away and follow me to my car each night.
The final straw was yesterday after work, we were walking to my car with another close friend of ours who parked next to me. Our close friend asked who would be taking Ana to her car tonight, throwing out a playful game of rock paper scissors.
And it set me off and I guess I blew up. I told her I was not driving Ana to her car anymore and I was tired of her safety being solely everyone else’s responsibility. Sure it hurts to say this but I’m tired of feeling obligated to take her every night.
Now this is where I feel especially bad, Ana didn’t take what I said very well and responded with, “I can’t believe you. I gave you rides to and from work for WEEKS and you can’t give me a 2-minute ride to my car each night?
Even on days you called out, I still came to pick you up! You’re so selfish!”
(Note: I did not have a car at the time. I did pay her for her services very well and I let her know hours before our shift so it is not possible for her to still come to my house)
I honestly didn’t know how to respond to this but luckily our close friend calmed the situation by giving in and giving Ana the ride.
I am no longer sure if I’m a jerk or not. It would only take a few minutes of my time to keep her from getting kidnapped or worse.
But her constantly blowing off the risk of parking so far is quite frustrating.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not responsible for the rest of your life for driving her to her car – especially since she does not have to put herself in that situation or she could remedy it by coming in a little earlier.
It is great to help people but when it is expected every day, it does get exhausting.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is choosing to park far away for some unknown reason. Tell her that while you didn’t mind once in a while, it was never intended to be an everytime thing.
If she doesn’t want to walk it, she can park closer like everyone else. Remind her you paid her for her rides, so if she would like to start doing the same, you might consider it. But I would put money on her balking and turning this offer down.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“Tell Ana she can always ask for the company to install better lighting along the route to and in the extended lot, and to patrol both more frequently. Tell Ana to arrive earlier to work and to park closer, or if she continues to park farther away despite other options being closer?
Tell Ana to arrange for another employee or a security guard to escort, her to her car. I understand her fear. I understand your concern for your co-worker. But other options exist, and are there for her to consider/reconsider.” alwaysboopthesnoot
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Have A Key To Our House?
“I (24M) have an ongoing issue with a roommate of mine (24M) who is a family friend.
The roommate has a significant other(30F) of 6-7 months who within the last month has started to be at the house daily. Before that, my roommate asked if I was okay with how she had been coming over recently (3-4 days a week).
I said that is fine and I have no issues with how it’s been.
Then it escalated very quickly. My opinion aside on that, he then gave her a key to the house without asking and his explanation was “I’m in my room so he figured I wouldn’t care”.
I stay in my room while they are in the common areas out of respect for their privacy which I told him. The situation in his eyes as she gets off and comes to the house 2 hours before him every day due to a 20-minute drive where she lives and that it just “makes sense” for her to have the key so they can “hang out”.
She will be at the house at times for 2-3 hours before he is here. She brings a bag, washes clothes, showers here, eats here, etc. In his words, he wants to “hang out” with her and that’s why she has the key so she doesn’t have to drive home then here.
I work from home and work in the garage or my office and have a dog as well which is more irrelevant but comes into play as at times she will sit outside until he comes home and I am uncomfortable with sitting out there with my dog while she sits on the deck and does not talk.
She is very anti-social (his words not mine) and never talks besides very basic greetings despite trying to get her to open up some. I wanted to address this in person but I have not had a time where he has been alone in a month and I did not want to embarrass her with the conversation.
So I texted him, while apologizing for it being over text, that I am not okay with anyone who doesn’t live here having a key and that it makes me uncomfortable. I said it feels as if she lives here now and that it was never discussed. I told him I was open to the idea but we needed to talk about it first. His reply was trying to rationalize not asking me before doing it and then that was it.
Today we will be speaking in person about the situation. I feel I already know the answer but would like a consensus on this subject, especially considering it’s a family friend and an argument would cause issues.
WIBTJ to firmly say I am not okay with her having a key unless we agree she moves in and starts contributing to things like the rent and utilities?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s already living there at least part-time.
Doing her laundry is pretty darn entitled, let alone having her key. Stop staying in your room. Sit with them. Make it less comfortable for her. Talk to her A LOT. Why would you want her to officially move in?
Do you want to be stuck in your room permanently? He can move out and they can find a place together. NTJ” Aw_Yeah_Nuh
Another User Comments:
“This one is pretty clear. She’s in your space while he’s not there.
She doesn’t live there, doesn’t pay rent and this isn’t her home. She shouldn’t be hanging out when he isn’t there, full stop. Pretty clear boundary. If she wants to be there that often, she can pay rent; otherwise, she needs to only be there when he’s there.
NTJ.” Mushboomy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on every front. Morally speaking, this is a violation of privacy and boundaries you never consented to. Practically speaking, she should be contributing to rent and utilities since she is using the space and amenities often.
Legally speaking, it is very likely the landlord needs to be informed and agree to an extended stay for a visitor or giving a key to a non-tenant.” Sebscreen
13. AITJ For Giving Up On My Depressed Friend Who Treats Me Poorly?
“I (23F) live with a friend (23F). She’s been depressed for as long as I’ve known her.
It’s never caused issues between us before, but lately, it’s become her excuse for being a poor friend. I’ve tried to be forgiving since she’s going through a lot, but now I’m reconsidering our friendship.
It started small. She slowly lost interest in hearing about my life. She’d snap at me over insignificant things and, when I called her out, got defensive and argued back until I apologized. She’s always been flaky with social plans, but she stopped telling anyone when she’d pull out – just wouldn’t show up, then didn’t acknowledge or apologize afterward.
Oddly, she’d always have the energy to go for drinks with her colleagues after work, only to come home and give me attitude.
Then it escalated. If we ended up in the same room, she wouldn’t look at me or take her AirPods out, mumbled one-word responses when I tried to talk to her, and rushed to leave as soon as she could.
She didn’t read or reply to any texts I’d send her, but still posted on social media to joke about her depression. This went on for three months. I know she was struggling, but treating me like an inconvenience in my own home was hurtful, so I stopped reaching out and avoided her.
One day, she was suddenly back to normal. I started to get cheerful texts from her, apologizing for “being MIA”, and saying “We should go out for coffee sometime”. I was unimpressed by her apology, but never ignored her completely, just sent back an emoji and kept my distance.
She never followed up on the coffee. A few days later she sent a meme, immediately followed by a request for money I owed her. It felt like she was only being nice to save face and avoid the elephant in the room.
Soon our mutual friends were checking up on me. My flatmate had asked them if I was “OK”, saying I “seemed distant”. Not once did she ask *me* this. I’d purposely kept our friends out of it until then, not wanting to kick her while she was down, but now she’d roped them in to avoid confronting me.
I was angry but waited to see if she’d bring it up next. She didn’t, so I did.
Now she says I’m the jerk because she *did* say sorry. I didn’t give “enough of a response” and she “didn’t know what to do” after that.
She didn’t bring it up first because she’s “bad at confrontation” and treated me the way she did because she’s “a horrible person, I guess”. I think she’s the jerk because it’s hypocritical to ignore me for months, and then get upset when I stop trying with her.
She’s the one who put distance between us first. I don’t think she tried hard enough to fix the problem. Why should it be my job when I get guilt-tripped anytime I call her out for anything?
I think she’s more interested in looking like the victim than apologizing. But maybe I’m taking all this personally and making her depressed about me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This person sounds exhausting, and not a true friend either.
I’d try to just be civil acquaintances because you live together. If this is your house or you are the only one on the lease, maybe it’s time to consider asking her to move out if you’d rather live with someone without this history of bad treatment from her/with someone you can be friends with.” wandering_salad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is she seeing anyone for her depression? A therapist, psychologist? If not then I don’t see a point in this kind of friendship. If she would rather relish in the fact that she has depression and constantly post memes about it to let everyone know she has depression, but not actually try to get better then she doesn’t want to get better.
Nothing wrong with having a mental illness of any kind, what’s wrong is refusing to do anything about it and using it as an excuse for bad behavior” shaquillleoatmeal007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you live with this person.
I don’t know that refusing to talk to her or refusing to try to mend things seems like the best idea. It seems like it would be easier just to hash things out and agree to be civil with one another even if you don’t want to maintain a friendship any longer.
That way you can put all this behind you and you won’t have to stress or worry, or feel uncomfortable in your own home anymore.” YearOneTeach
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Approach My Employer For Business?
“My workplace is in a bit of turmoil at the moment.
In our region, we’re a small team of around 15, and the leadership team (including me) has only been with the business for about a year. The VP of Sales quit and left 1 month ago, and the MD has just resigned. Senior Leadership is flying in last minute from the US next week, to try and keep things from completely falling apart.
This couldn’t come at a worse time for me: I’ve just completed a failed IVF cycle last week, my 40th birthday is tomorrow (and this upcoming visit is overshadowing it in my mind) and we’re moving house and suburb next weekend.
Another bit of background: my partner (romantic) works in recruitment as a director of a newly formed division for a small agency.
This evening I was telling my partner how overwhelmed I’m feeling and how stressed I feel about the meetings coming up next week.
He gave me some (considerate) advice, but then somehow got onto the topic of him planning to reach out to my US EVP (who is here next week), to let him know he could help him to fill the vacant roles.
When I was with my previous employer he reached out to the CEO (my then boss) as a prospective new business lead without first mentioning it to me. I was unhappy when I found out (through my boss) as I’d rather he did not approach the organization I work for and particularly my manager.
When it came up again tonight, I told him again that I did not want him prospecting with my employer. He can speak to any of the previous companies I’ve worked for, and the thousands of other companies out there available to prospect with.
My employer is the one single organization I do not want him approaching.
He immediately got angry and told me that he takes this as me insinuating that I don’t think he’s good at his job or will do a good job in filling these vacancies.
I explained this has nothing to do with my beliefs about his capabilities, instead, I just do not want my personal life mixing with my work life. For example, if my employer was to engage his services and things went sour, I’d worry it might reflect badly on me.
Again, he took this as me not believing he would do a good job. He told me how hard it is to win new business and was upset and angry that I would try and prevent him from securing this deal.
This resulted in a HUGE fight – one of our largest. On the eve of this special birthday. This upset me even more than it would have done on an “ordinary” night, as I don’t understand why he used this particular evening to engage in this discussion.
To me, it felt inconsiderate and selfish.
Was it?! Or AITJ and being over-sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“Do I understand from your post that your partner has been taking private domestic conversations, and using their content as a source of sales leads for his business?
This is vile behavior. You should be able to unload stress on your partner, complain about things at work, and whatever without worrying that your partner will take that privileged information and use it to try to tout for business.
This is rank dishonesty. NTJ (If he’s not relying on pillow talk for his information, and is merely contacting several local businesses and your employer happens to be on his list, there’s no foul. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s going on.)” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His prospecting will likely make use of the information you shared with him as a husband and not a potential business associate. You are right to be wary about how this could affect your business relationships.
The fact that he does not understand this or think it’s a valid concern points to him having his best interests in mind solely. If he’s insistent about this, you could promise to provide his business contact to the relevant folks in your company, allowing you to introduce the idea and for them to reach out if they want his services.
This is still a risk for you but allows you more control over the situation.” Hfsitsjess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keeping things separate makes sure you can complain about work to your partner, and complain about your partner at work, without having to filter too much.
People need to complain sometimes, it’s an outlet for frustration and a lot of stuff just isn’t worth getting into a discussion about, but that doesn’t mean you’re not frustrated. When you keep work and personal life separate, you’ve got a place to safely release frustration about the other party, without the need for upsetting them or making them feel hurt.
Often it’s not even their fault to begin with, it’s just the situation that’s bothering you, and telling someone about it helps you get perspective.” CartographerHot2285
11. AITJ For Calling Out My Best Friend For Body Shaming Me?
“I 15F have pretty small calves compared to my big thighs, something that I’ve always been insecure of. I get it it looks weird. Well my best friend 16F won’t stop making me feel horrible about it, she’s the sweetest person I know, she’s so warm and funny to be around, she always helps me no matter what, but when it comes to my body she has never said a nice thing about it.
And it genuinely hurts because it’s coming from someone who actually knows me so she’s not just randomly saying it, I know it’s true and I know that’s completely what she thinks of me.
So a few days ago we were hanging out at my house and I was wearing some pants that were pretty tight around my legs (it’s just comfortable and what I like to wear) and she looks me up and down and says “omg why is your body built so weird,” and laughs in the most obnoxious way, and then proceeded to laugh in my face.
She did this ALL day and in the evening some of our other friends came over and made the same jokes. I am pretty sensitive but I can hold it in really well I guess so I’m naturally known as the one that can take jokes, but I got pretty mad when she basically made everyone else start making fun of my legs too, so I started clapping back and told them all about the things they’re insecure of.
Then she turned it around on me and said “woah what’s wrong with you we’re just joking around, I didn’t know you were a snowflake” and her main excuse is the fact that she’s “just an honest person.” It really hurts I can’t take it anymore, I’m so embarrassed about my body around her, she keeps making these jokes around guys I like too and they start jumping on it too and making the same jokes.
I wanna cry so bad
I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but having your best friend of 10 years who knows literally everything about you and everything to ever happen to you, but you’re embarrassed to wear the color red around her because you know she’ll make comments about how ugly you look in red. She constantly talks about how irregular and weird my body is, and not even in an insulting rude way, she just SAYS IT like it’s something regular, like it’s just a fact that’s the complete truth.
Now after I screamed at her, all of my friends got mad at me saying I was being really mean to her and that it’s my fault because she’s always been like this and points out the obvious.
And also that I must be going through something rough cause I haven’t been able to take jokes lately. And I guess it’s kinda true, well they all stopped talking to me and are mad at me, what do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“Do you even know what the word friend means. You keep calling this bully and body shamer your best friend. A best friend would not do that to you. Especially when you tell them. Please stop.
You may have gone overboard and tried to embarrass and hurt them because of what they did to you. But you need to find new friends, after you figure out the meaning of what a friend really is.
Because this is a 10-year-long bully and not a friend. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, should have told your mate she’s acting the snowflake. Let her know that you’ve been copping her nonsense for ages and when you say one thing she got upset and tried to turn it back on you calling you a snowflake.
Seems we know who the snowflake is and she’s obviously not as sweet as you think. A true friend would never body shame you” Responsibly_Named
Another User Comments:
“Your so-called best friend is mean and unkind. Sounds like she’s growing to become an unpleasant person, and it’s Time for you to be kind to yourself and let this friendship go.
10 years is 2/3 of your life when you’re only 15, so of course it’ll be an adjustment to not have her around, but imagine how much more mentally at peace you will be when you can wear what you want, and just exist without her harping about your looks.
Maybe she’s jealous of you, jealous of your confidence, and wants to insult you to feel better about herself. Maybe she’s just mean. We don’t know, but what we do know is that you deserve a better friend, and you’re worthy of that.
Good luck.” Rohini_rambles
10. AITJ For Singing The Same Karaoke Song As Another Bar Patron?
“I (22F) went out with my friends (23F, 24 M, 26M, 27M) Saturday night for my first night out in a while, and I let them pick the place. They went with a bar one town over that was pretty big and doing Pride karaoke that night.
They tried to get me to sing, and I said no initially, but after a couple of drinks, I decided I’d do it. One of my friends went and signed all of us up, and then we hung around watching the other performances while waiting for our turn.
Around half an hour before my turn, somebody (mid-20s F) performed the song I had picked out. I thought it was a funny coincidence (the song/artist had only recently gone mainstream so I wasn’t expecting someone else to pick the same thing as me) and I went on with my night.
When it came time for my turn, I sang what I planned and honestly had a really good time. I used to have terrible social anxiety and stage fright but everyone else at the bar was fun and chill, and I was four drinks in at this point.
After I was done, my friends and I got out on the floor and danced and hung out some more. We were planning to stay until close, but pretty soon after my song was over I was approached by the other girl who sang a few turns before me asking why I “copied her” and why I “had to be such a show off”.
She got angry and told me I was a rude jerk for singing the same song as her trying to show her up and embarrassing her in front of her date. I was taken aback and I told her that I’m sorry if I embarrassed her, but that I don’t know her and felt like she was making a big deal out of nothing and to please leave me alone.
She yelled at me to get out (I was guessing she was also inebriated and is more animated when she’s inebriated so I didn’t escalate) and I just went outside and texted my friends asking them to come out too so we could go somewhere else.
The convo afterward turned into a bit of an argument because none of them wanted to bar-hop, but I didn’t want to stay and deal with that other girl all night. One of my friends took the stranger’s side and said maybe next time I should just practice good karaoke etiquette pick a different song and go back in.
Another friend went in with him, and the other two helped stay with me until my partner (26F) came and picked me up. She’s on my side and agrees that the stranger was being ridiculous and got me a snack on the way home to help me feel better and sober up.
I’ve had a while to think things over and I still don’t think I’m in the wrong, but I want some outside perspective. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The other girl was completely out of line…and probably inebriated as you suspected. Removing yourself from the situation for a few minutes was an acceptable option, but tbh, you should have sought out a bouncer or other staff member.
She was harassing you over some incredibly juvenile nonsense and she should have been escorted out of the bar. The stranger and the friends who sided with the stranger are all jerks. You are certainly NTJ.” OGBrewSwayne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As someone who has done a lot of karaoke it is (very minor) poor form to sing the same song. But it is the DJ’s responsibility to pay attention and inform someone if another person has submitted it.
It sounds like you put your song request in well before you heard her sing. This girl WAY overreacted, and your friends sound pretty unsupportive. Even if they don’t agree with you, they should understand your desire to get away from an aggressive person.” Nemesis0408
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think you should have left because of the other girl. She was being immature and insecure over something so small. People sing the same song as other people all the time.
Who cares if you did better? Normal people would have laughed it off and been like she was way better. I would like to know more about the karaoke etiquette that your friend is talking about. Your friends should have been there when the girl was harassing you.” NYCLIVINGGIRL
9. AITJ For Defending My Autistic Partner Against Her Unsupportive Parents?
“I (20m) have a partner we’ll call Mal (20f). Mal was very sheltered growing up and her parents were very harsh.
Her relationship with them was a weird mix being very close and them making her feel awful. Mal is also autistic and they knew that but insisted that she go without extra help for that. I have heard a lot of stories of her growing up and I didn’t like them at all.
When we got together, Mal was 18 and had moved out of her parent’s house without them wanting her to. She was nervous around her family for a while because her moving created a lot of tension. After months of that things were closer to normal again.
She and I were very close but she was worried to introduce us as she was sure her parents wouldn’t like me. After a while, she introduced us and beforehand she gave me a list of things not to bring up so that they don’t start anything weird.
The meeting went ok, no yelling or fighting, but they don’t like me and quite frankly I don’t like them. The same goes for her sister; Dora (23f) but less so.
Since then, her parents have made it clear they think Mal is dumb for being with me.
They make comments about it sometimes but she defends me whenever they do. She is a lot mousier around them than other people.
Mal is getting a service dog. She told her parents about it and her mom was very critical. She told her that having a service dog would be nice but that she shouldn’t take advantage of that system as things are getting harder for people who need them.
Mal I could tell was upset but calmly defended this by talking about her struggles that one would help with. Her mom said that she doesn’t need one and that her struggles aren’t that bad. Mal doubled down on how much she does struggle.
They got in a fight with her mom calling her things like a “spoiled brat.”
I couldn’t stand Mal being treated this way. I’d never heard them call her a brat but I had heard them call her stupid.
I know they called her worse sometimes when she was younger. I raised my voice but didn’t yell. I told them about everything. I told them off about this, writing off and refusing to address her disability, blaming her for her struggles, sheltering her to a point it was detrimental to her development, calling her names, judging me so much, and not accepting us, etc.
They told me to leave now or they would call the police so I left right away, Mal went with me. She just cried to her place. Her parents have been mad at her and me since then.
Dora isn’t mad at her but she thinks I am a jerk for chewing them out.”
Another User Comments:
“If we take you at your word that you didn’t yell at them and their response was to threaten you with the cops, you are NTJ in this situation.
They appear to want to downplay and/or control how your partner’s issues are perceived and dealt with, and just appear to be controlling in general. They are just angry that their control is being challenged.” BC_Auron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in that you meant well. But you gotta be a little careful too. You need to support her without making her feel like she’s between you and her parents. She needs to reach her autonomy from them with your support, but without pushing from you.
When the time comes that she chooses between her parents and someone, her other option needs to be herself, not you. And I am not saying you are trying to make her choose. I’m cautioning you not to let it go there.
When their behavior is unacceptable, and it hits the fan, help her understand that it was their actions, not hers that were wrong. She’s probably felt wrong about everything her whole life. She’s going to need to learn who she is, what she thinks, what she wants, and that all of that is okay.
She has probably never had anyone stand up to them for her before, so she probably doesn’t know what to do with it. But I guarantee you that the tiny part of her that is trying to grow past them loves you for what you did.” Independent_Prior612
8. AITJ For Extending My Internship Despite My Best Friend's Objections?
“About a year ago, I got accepted for an internship that I had been wanting. After finding out, I notified my family, friends, and bosses. Unfortunately, this internship meant that I had to move across the country. I was originally supposed to be there for 6 months, but knew that they sometimes ask people to extend.
Knowing this, I told everyone that I would only be there for 6 months unless they asked me to extend, which I would most likely do.
A few months in, they had asked me to extend, and I had about a week and a half to accept the offer.
I wasn’t in the best mental state, between missing home and wanting to stay because of all my new friends. I didn’t know what to do.
I told my best friend to see if they could provide me with some clarity.
They tried to guilt-trip me into going back home just for them and I never responded. (PSA I am a really bad texter and all of my friends know this). After about a week had gone by and I was about to make my decision, they started bashing me and telling me that I needed to tell our boss so that they could find a replacement for me.
I told them that I was having a hard time—mental breakdowns every day for the whole week—because of how hard this decision was. They told me that they didn’t care and that they were angry because I wasn’t very considerate of their feelings and I was bailing on them.
Mind you, I’ve been with them through terrible partners, multiple horrible breakups, etc.
I told them that for all 20 years of friendship, I had always done whatever they wanted, and for once, I wanted to do something for myself—something that I wanted that could help with my future goals.
I told them that I’ve always been supportive of them and all their decisions, therefore they should be supportive of mine as well.
They told me that I’ve always put myself before them and that I’ve always been this selfish.
They also reiterated the fact that I was bailing on them and they couldn’t be supportive of me because of how inconsiderate I was being by extending my internship.
At that point, I had given up. I was tired of fighting so I just let them go.
Not once have I said a single bad thing about them to anyone and I still sometimes refer to them as my best friend out of habit. Recently, it’s come to my attention that they had been going around our friend group telling everyone what happened and making them pick sides.
They’ve also removed me from all social media and have done the same with their partner as well.
I honestly don’t understand, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A real friend may be sad to see you go, but they would never try and guilt trip you this way.
It sucks to invest so much time into a friendship and have to walk away, but I can’t blame you one bit. I hope you do what is best for YOU.” PhilosopherInside956
Another User Comments:
“Not the Jerk.
A REAL friend would support your decision if it meant you were happy, no matter how much they disliked it. You also let them know that if offered to extend, then you’d most likely take it. So, it shouldn’t have been a surprise.
Sounds to me as though you got your answer on whether that person was your best friend or not. Though, admittedly, I do wonder… You said to yourself you weren’t in the best mental state and needed to decide whether you wanted to stay or go home.
Surely, if you were having moments of missing home, I imagine you conveyed that to your BF. I wonder if you came off as missing home more than enjoying the experience of where you were. And, if they were trying to convince you to come home because of those previous instances of talking with them about missing home and then you went cold turkey after they gave advice and ultimately decided to stay, I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way.
Especially with no response when you were the one that reached out to them. But not enough to make mutual friends pick and choose sides. That’s Jerkish.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My Father's Birthday Dinner Because He Invited His Other Family?
“Let me preface this by stating that my sister and I are both adults with families of our own – both of us have non-biological kids (stepkids) that we love very much and are very close to.
Unfortunately, we have always had a bumpy relationship with our biological father, and things only got worse after our parents divorced many years ago.
He was verbally and emotionally abusive while he lived with us and afterward, he continued being this way until we chose to stop seeing him every other weekend. After we became mothers ourselves, we tried to show him some grace and began trying to mend our relationship.
Our father remarried and had two sons who are now in their 20s. We have the kind of relationship now where we call about once a month and visit a couple of times a year. Conversations are light and nonconfrontational, never anything deep or of substance.
His sons are his pride and joy.
He recently celebrated a milestone birthday with a party. My sister and I were not invited and only found out on social media. This has been the norm for the past 25 years.
His wife and sons are his “real” family while my sister and I are afterthoughts. We have never told our father how we feel because he’s older now and we don’t want to upset him. He would NEVER see our point either, in his mind, he’s been a wonderful parent to us.
We have just accepted things as-is while trying to connect with him regularly.
Because this was a big birthday, we wanted to take him out ourselves for a nice meal. He agreed and plans were made. He later reached out to us and asked if his sons could come too.
My reaction was immediate and beyond angry. My sister felt the same way. We want to cancel everything and just say “Forget it”. We used to meet up with him for coffee every few weeks and it was nice to be able to speak freely and have one-on-one time with him.
The last time we met up, he didn’t ask, but said: “Next time make these plans later in the day so your stepmother can come too”. We never met for coffee again.
There isn’t enough time in the day for me to explain all of the nuances of our existing relationship, but he has always struggled to connect and communicate with girls (his daughters).
There is no conversation we can have that he doesn’t shift to his sons and how amazing they are. It’s exhausting. So, at this point, we don’t want to take him out at all if it’s going to be his sons and wife too.
Their being there removes the possibility of us having a real conversation with our father because his wife dominates all conversations she’s in the vicinity of. Please, tell me, AITJ for wanting to say FORGET IT altogether???
ALSO: His sons didn’t know that we were their sisters until they were about 7-8 years old.
One of them asked us why we called his dad our dad. Our father said that our stepmother didn’t want to confuse them. She avoided us for about 3 months after that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t value you and your sister.
I would cancel and I would distance myself, but that’s me. You have been reticent in rocking the boat by holding your tongue to keep peace, but it hasn’t changed anything. If you don’t want to continually be treated as less then you are going to have to decide to speak up or move on.
It’s unlikely he is going to change. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept him as he is or let the relationship die.” Top-Ad-2676
Another User Comments:
“You and your sister have built harmonious loving families, despite there being different pairs of moms and dads. This is in stark contrast to the “new” family situation your father created for himself- without facilitating you all having at least a somewhat peaceful relationship with his sons and wife.
The choices that were made by your father throughout time have been about him and not what would be best for you- his daughters?! It’s commendable that you tried to reconnect and work around his lack of interest in having an honest relationship and real conversations about what you 2 think and feel.
Unfortunately- it seems that he has misconstrued your intentions to mean that he’s a good parent- when he’s not and hasn’t ever been?! I’m not sure you will ever see your efforts appreciated or reciprocated by him.
He seems very self-centered and content with the status quo. Unless there’s any real change in his attitudes and behavior, with him initiating contact without it being contingent upon his wife being there as well- it would be pointless to invest more of your patience and time.
Going forward- treat and communicate with him the same way he does with you. ” Listen_2learn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You all have done more than your share of trying and life is too short for the drama.
Be done. Dad is never going to see your side even if you try and explain. There’s no need to stress yourself out further. You and your sister weren’t even invited to the big milestone party so that shows how they think of you.” deadringer70
6. AITJ For Wanting To Ask My Neighbor To Clean Up Her Trash?
“My spouse and I moved to a new home in the last year.
In that time, we’ve learned that a few of the homes in the area are treated as rentals, while most are owner-occupied. One house adjacent to us is a rental, as is the one immediately following (both owned by the same family that is not local to this state–which we only found out through the builder).
We’ve gotten to know some of the neighbors, say hi, know their names, etc., but we tend to mind our business. We just keep it friendly.
Our immediately adjacent neighbor is a renter and moved in during winter.
We seem to have pretty different schedules and I never ran into her until a few weeks ago. We finally introduced ourselves and had a brief chat about the area (she had questions about the neighborhood). Perfectly pleasant convo: I learned she’s from NYC and lives here with her two children (middle school aged).
The issue: For MONTHS she has left enormous cardboard boxes, flattened and propped up against her house in the very narrow alley between our homes. That alley belongs to that property, and there is no fence dividing the properties between the houses.
About 3 weeks ago (the same week we met) she also left a garbage bag next to the degrading cardboard boxes, in the open and not inside the garbage bins on the property. The garbage bag has been ripped open and I’m starting to get worried about pests.
Our front entrance is right by this alley so we see this garbage every time we use the front door. I can’t say the garbage smells, I’m not sure if it’s just paper/plastic waste, but it’s attracting some kind of animal.
We haven’t once seen those bins or garbage taken out. I’m not even sure what she’s doing with her household garbage because there’s no way a family of three has only produced that one bag of garbage in the months they’ve lived there.
She confirmed that they live there full-time so I doubt it’s that they’re only here some of the week. But because I’ve never seen the bins on the curb, I’m worried this is just going to go on forever.
I’ve been considering leaving her a note since I rarely see her. I also thought that might be less aggressive than knocking on her door for the express purpose of calling her out on this. But I also realize we don’t have much of a relationship and it’s technically her property, so maybe I just need to back off.
I’m not trying to sour the start of a neighborly rapport.
WIBTJ if I left her a note asking her to take care of the garbage?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you leave a note. They are pretty much guaranteed to go down poorly.
Try for face-to-face communication. You will need to be delicate but you have a better chance of a successful interaction. Not a hugely better chance but better than a note. Smile, be friendly, then ask her if she would mind binning her rubbish because you’ve seen rats in it.
(Why not embellish to make your point?)” northerntropicaz
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t you offer to take out her trash? Say you’ve seen some pests and know she has three kids so it’s not a bother to do it – this time.
It’s neighborly and also hints that she needs to be more responsible” Fabulous_Ocelot_5861
5. AITJ For Yelling At A Guest For Mocking My Chinese?
“I was born and raised in the UK, but my parents are Chinese. I know how to speak Chinese since my parent’s English isn’t very good, but I don’t know how to read or write it. I would like to say I’m pretty fluent, I can converse and understand others fine, and most Chinese people I knew outside of my family thought my Chinese was good or at least better than they expected for someone raised in the UK.
I do occasionally make grammar or vocabulary mistakes when I’m talking about something in Chinese, but in a general conversation, others do get the gist of what I’m saying.
Recently, my mum invited her friend and her daughter from China to stay at our house for a while, and I don’t like them.
I speak in Chinese to accommodate them and even translate stuff for them, but whenever I make a mistake, they would double over laughing at me. I initially tried talking to my parents about it, but all they said was that they weren’t exactly wrong since I did make a mistake.
I wanted to confront them too, but my parents always stopped me and told me it would be rude and disrespectful to mum’s friend, and also how her daughter is ‘just a kid’. To clarify, her daughter is 19.
I don’t see my mum’s friend that often since she spends time with my mum, but the daughter tags along with me a lot because we’re similar in age. But I can’t ever talk to her without her ridiculing me and laughing at my Chinese when the biggest issue is just saying the wrong word or something.
She also started ‘correcting’ me by yelling at me the proper word to say or the perfect pronunciation of a word if I ever slipped up. She laughs at the fact I can’t read or write Chinese. And it just kept building up since my parents told me not to say anything, otherwise she ‘might cry’.
I eventually lost it when she yelled at me condescendingly again because I mispronounced a word. I yelled back at her that my Chinese isn’t perfect since I was born and raised in the UK, and it’s rude she does this whilst knowing that.
She tried responding with something about how she was trying to help me, but I shut it down. Eventually, she started crying and ran to her mum, which got me in trouble with my parents.
To clarify, I don’t mind if someone corrects me, but normally it’s very non-intrusive in a conversation.
With this girl, she stops the conversation to yell at me. My parents and the friend and her daughter are upset, but my brother said she was rude and it was gonna happen sooner or later. My brother doesn’t live with me, so currently everyone in the house is all awkward and standoffish to me, and it’s been making me feel slightly guilty for yelling like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Speak to her in English. The girl is in the UK now, let’s see how she gets along without you translating for her, shall we? Your “guest” could correct you without insulting or laughing at you, or politely ignore your little mistakes entirely, she isn’t your teacher and you aren’t her student.
But yelling at you- “condescendingly” … is not the way to get people to go out of their way to *help* you. Oh, no. And now she cries and runs to Mama. Oh, boo hoo. I roll my eyes.
And NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The way she was correcting you was extremely rude. The least she could’ve done was politely let you know that you made a mistake. I agree with your brother; it was bound to happen sooner or later and honestly, I think the way you responded was perfect; you gave her the same treatment she’s been giving you, which she deserved. And I can’t believe your parents are defending her by saying she’s “just a kid” when she’s 19.
That’s ridiculous.” booksandchai18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Speak to her only ever in English. Shout at her (same tone as she used for you) every time she mispronounces a word or gets the grammar wrong. It’s exactly the same as what she did to you.
See how she feels when she’s trying her best to speak a foreign language (which technically is for you, even if you speak it at home) and gets ridiculed when it’s not perfect. This is petty, I know.
But do it anyway. Also, take her and your friend Siobhan Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh to Leicester and buy some Worcestershire sauce and quinoa before visiting Belvoir Castle. It’s a lovely place. I am sure she won’t mess up any of these pronunciations at all.” Own-Kangaroo6931
4. AITJ For Asking My Housemate To Manage Her Destructive Puppy Better?
“Six months ago my housemate got a 6-week-old puppy (a labrador) with separation anxiety. She couldn’t even go for a shower because the glass separating them would cause him to howl.
He’s gotten way better since but because he’s young, his bark is so high-pitched, it’s like a knife to my brain.
On top of that, he’s also a puppy so he destroys everything he can get his hands on.
I’ve lost multiple plants because of him, a couple of shoes, he’s ripped apart almost every flyscreen door/window he can reach, the drain pipes, etc. Through all these things, I’ve been the one at home and she’s been at work.
I’ve been the one dealing with the messes he makes. I’ve been putting up with it for 6 months, but this week he broke through the fence and got into the neighbour’s yard. I had to spend the rest of the day with him on his leash.
I couldn’t do any of the things I’d had planned because I couldn’t leave him alone (he’d either run away or destroy everything).
I reached my breaking point two days ago and sent her a message asking her to do something about it.
Maybe send him to puppy daycare on Monday and Tuesday (my days off from work) when she’s working. He’s gone before and loved it.
Except she’s also pregnant and money is tight.
Today, she (34F), her baby daddy (~38M) and I (24F) sat down.
It started with me saying all I have here, calmly, to which she responded by saying that he’s still just a puppy and he’ll grow out of it. I reiterated that I understand that, but the issues are now and something needs to be done now.
Not when he becomes an adult. She just kept repeating that he’ll grow out of it
From there it just went downhill to the point where the baby daddy and I were snapping at each other. He said I’m blowing things out of proportion and need to suck it up.
When I agreed to let my housemate have a dog, I agreed to him destroying everything. That me not realizing this would happen is just me being naive, and taking responsibility for HER dog when she’s at work is necessary because I just need to take it for the team.
I told him he wasn’t listening to what I was saying. I don’t want them to get rid of the puppy or anything. I just want the puppy and his messes to not be my responsibility on my days off work.
Meanwhile, my housemate didn’t say a thing after that first comment. She sat there while he snapped at me for half an hour and she didn’t even look at me while I was sobbing (frustrated tears).
All I was asking for was for them to understand what I was feeling and try to come to a compromise we could all be okay with.
Instead, I was told to just suck it up and stop being so childish. Was I asking too much?”
Another User Comments:
“The power dynamic is awful, you are 24 and she is 10 years older. She thinks she has the upper hand.
What happens when the baby arrives? Are they moving away? Are they expecting you to babysit for free? Move out, they mean trouble. I’m surprised there is no comment about the baby that will be an extreme change in your life if you stay with them” TRACYOLIVIA14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your dog. I’d put everything you value in your room and lock your stuff in there, find somewhere else to be/work than home during the day. Notify the landlord of damage by said puppy that is not yours.
Take photos. Move out as soon as you can get off the lease. Make plans right now. Drop puppy off at her bf apartment? Your roommate is weak and her life choices- bullying bf, her puppy, bad pet owner, pregnancy, etc are not your responsibility.
Your own life decisions are.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“I love dogs more than humans. I freely admit it and couldn’t care less how you feel about that. Now let’s get some things straight: baby dad can go jump in a lake.
First, he doesn’t live there, so he has, uhh, zippity do dah to say on the matter. Second, no, it’s not your responsibility to take care of their dog. Third, if Big Mouth won’t take responsibility for the dog, like he probably won’t for his child, again, not your problem.
It’s your place also and you need to grow a backbone and tell them both to handle it or a lawyer will do it for you. I dread what fat mouth might do to the dog because of his big ego and small manhood, but you don’t need to be an unpaid dog sitter and they need to know you mean business.
But I fully agree with TracyOlivia14: you’re dealing with two inconsiderate jerks who’ll expect you to be their slave. If you’re not on a lease, find a way to get out and NEVER speak to them again!” Impossible-Aioli-983
3. AITJ For Not Calling My Parents Twice Daily During Vacation?
“I (20F) just went on my first vacation with my partner (28M), who my parents love and trust, the vacation was in FL where I live in NY so it’s a good distance from home.
My parents (both almost 60) require two separate phone calls a day, one in the morning and one at night. Texts are not sufficient since they do not get them, they only want me to text if it is a time they want me to contact them very early or very late at night.
They want me to call them basically for them to know I’m alive and ok, they want to know where I am and what I did that day or what I plan to do. It’s just basic stuff.
So when I was on vacation I was a little annoyed with giving them these constant calls, it felt more like a chore than anything. For example, my dad wanted a call before my flight, after my flight, and when I got settled in the hotel.
And if I forget he’ll be mad at me. My mom is more chill but my dad is a nightmare. I went to Universal Studios one of the days and when I forgot to call him I got a text from my mom saying, “he’s complaining that you haven’t called”.
At the end of the day, he texted me, “Why is it so hard for you to take 30 seconds out of your day?”. That day I did not even have my phone on me most of the time, I had several missed calls from my dad, mom, and even grandmother.
They all knew what I had going on and specifically my dad was upset with me. It made me feel terrible in the park. When I finally contacted my dad, he did not care about how my exciting day was, he just cared that I did not call.
Feels like a power play. My dad is certainly more of the problem here. Yesterday was my last day of vacation, he called me five times for nonsense reasons. To tell me he bought me a slice, to have me video call our cat, and to reiterate how he’s lonely (my sister is also on vacation right now and my mom was at work, not like they get along though).
I feel like the jerk on the days I decide to just not call. I feel annoyed that I need to do it since it feels so forced, I would do it willingly but not at the rate my parents require.
The calls sometimes are just 30 seconds or they can be around 5 minutes. It does not take too much time from my day but it is something I feel like I should not need to do so often. And that they will be sad or upset with me if I don’t.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you’re 20, it is time to start setting boundaries. You’ll want to reduce the frequency to once/day, every other day, etc. Here are some scripts: “Unfortunately, Jason and I will be camping out tonight and we won’t have cell reception.
I look forward to calling you tomorrow afternoon.” “We’re spending all day at the beach and I don’t think my battery will hold up. I’ll only be calling if there’s an emergency.” “We’ll be getting luggage than the rental car so I can’t call you from the airport; thanks for understanding.” analyst19
Another User Comments:
“I am a parent of adult kids, and I promise you that these demands are ridiculous and extreme. NTJ. This needs a firm boundary setting because it truly sounds like control and not genuine concern for your wellbeing.
Decide how often you want to text to check in – and tell them that is what you are going to do. Once a day is more than enough. They will adjust. I promise you they will adjust – you just have to ride out the complaining you’re going to get from your dad.
That could also be dealt with by telling him “This is what I am willing to do. If that is not acceptable to you, I’ll make it a weekend check-in with Mom, not you.” I have a feeling that this is not the only demand they put on you – people like this usually have a whole range of demands.
It’s a good place to start with setting boundaries, though.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a privilege to get to talk to your family members not a right or obligation. It’s emotional mistreatment to demand that your kids meet your emotional needs like your dad is doing.
If he’s that lonely he needs to get some friends and hobbies. The way things are going he’s going to chase you away completely. Also, why can’t they learn to use text messaging? It’s perfect for the “my flight made it and I’m alive” kind of communication.
You would be absolutely within your rights if you insist that if they require check-ins they need to learn to read texts.” RhiannonNana
2. AITJ For Cancelling Last Minute For A Wedding Due To My Dad's Lack Of Organization?
“My dad asked me in September to go to a family gathering for the weekend of the 18th of May. I said yes, of course, it’s a 3-day weekend so let’s do it.
Except that until last week, he wouldn’t talk to me or exchange information about the wedding unless I asked. Last month I tried to bring it up and he just brushed off all of my concerns.
Once I asked him in the family group chat (mom, dad, sister (18yo), brother (16yo), and me) “Hey do you have the invite for the wedding that takes place in your family ?”. He then went on a rant about me saying “your family” and that it was a bad thing that I was not saying “my family”.
But the reason I said so is because my mom was in the group. So it makes sense to specify which part of the family I’m talking about.
The wedding is this weekend. He hasn’t given me any details about when we are leaving, what is the theme and what I should wear, who will be there (my sister is on holiday with friends and my brother told me he might come but dad is unsure ???), how long it will take to go there (we’re driving but I don’t know for how long).
He just told me “I’m picking you up on Saturday, be ready”. I don’t even know when he is picking me up on Saturday.
Until last week, he still hadn’t decided on his accommodation and he didn’t know where I’d be staying (with him or with family members).
So I had to give him options.
The thing that annoys me the most, is that he was given the invite in September. And my mom saw it on the table last week. Yet he refuses to give me any details when I ask about it.
I don’t even know what I should bring or wear because he still hasn’t given me the dress code. You might say nobody cares but it’s a wedding. I’m not going to show up in my usual outfit (overalls + sneakers).
Last night, I told him that I’m not going because I’m tired because of the lack of organization on his part”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like he’s very disorganized and also potentially going through a lot with the divorce and all… I think you go.
It’s one weekend and you can spend the time with him talking about how he needs to get it together because it made you almost not want to come.” Wonderful-Pension-63
1. AITJ For Wanting To Hide My Snacks From My Partner's Little Sister?
“So me (23F) and my partner (26M) had a baby boy almost 11 months ago.
Since then every week we switch from my house to his house for time with both families since we don’t have a place of our own yet. Well this Monday is a week here at his house, and we had bought groceries for some recipes to try out along with some snacks for myself and him, I personally love Slim Jims (Savage Sized) so I bought myself two.
I had put them in the baby’s crib because honestly he never uses it so it’s just used for “storage” like clothes that don’t fit him and a place to always have his diaper bag. This is where the issue comes in, my SIL (10F) I’ll call her Maya, has had a bad habit of taking things she thought were hers as she “found them around the house” She was younger when that incident happened and was told to me by my partner as he found it funny since she suddenly “found” over $100.
On Tuesday I had taken a nap and left half my Slim Jim on the bed (dumb I know, but dinner was ready and I was hungry), and when I got back the rest of the Slim Jim was gone.
My partner and I thought maybe it slipped off the bed and was under it or in between the wall. Nope. Okay, maybe her dog smelled it and might’ve taken it and Maya just didn’t tell us. That’s okay I guess?
Not like I can change that fact if that’s true. Well, on Wednesday my partner and I went to wash the car, Maya’s TV broke or burned out so she hadn’t had a TV in her room for a week or two so she used ours.
When we got back home and went to the room I noticed my second Slim Jim was completely missing! I knew I hadn’t moved it since I didn’t want to “misplace” this one just like the first one.
I suspected it was Maya but didn’t say anything since she’s only 10, or maybe I was wrong and maybe I did misplace it? Today (as in Thursday) we went to my sister’s graduation which was roughly 3 or 4 hours, counting eating dinner after, when we got home I noticed my bag of Hot Cheetos *opened*, and also someone had undone and **poorly** re-closed my bag of Lays.
I have a specific way of closing opened bags that way very little air gets in and they “stay fresh longer.” So I came to you ’cause I feel like I’m losing my mind along with my snacks!
WIBTJ if I purposely hid any snacks away from my SIL?
Also a side note: If she had asked if she could have the snacks or some of the snacks I would’ve said it was fine, it’s the fact that she’s not asking for permission or mentioning it to either me or her brother.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to do extra work to protect your things – and it may not only be snacks that disappear – she may find some of your other things attractive enough to take.
You need to have a serious conversation with her about personal property and boundaries. I suggest both you and your partner do it together, that way she may take it more seriously, and you’re less likely to be singled out as picking on her or something.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ten is plenty old enough to know that you don’t take someone’s stuff without asking. Time to start hiding things, or perhaps buying a small safe for your room where you can put things.
I’d also say you got safe to keep documents safe, just to keep the peace, as letting people know it’s to keep your snacks from being pilfered may cause an issue. ” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
She shouldn’t be taking things that don’t belong to her, and you’re a jerk for putting snacks in places other than the kitchen and for leaving open snacks in bedrooms and places where pests can get to… In homes you don’t own.
Time to look at getting your place. And leave the snacks in your car or something. It would gross me out if someone was staying with me and leaving food in rooms.” blueeyedwolff
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