People Frustrate Us In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Moving In With My Dad After Constant Fights With My Mum?
“My (F14) mum (F45) and I haven’t gotten along so well since I’m like 10. Always picking fights and stuff like that. My dad (M48) and I on the other hand get along super well and understand each other in every situation. My mum and dad have been divorced since I was 2 years old and I’ve been visiting my dad’s every second weekend since then because I live with my mum.
Recently the fights are getting bigger and we sometimes don’t talk for days.
Now my mum has been telling me, “When it’s so bad here, why don’t you go to your dad’s?” I’ve been thinking about that sooner than that and I talked about it with my dad and the problem is, when I do that then my mum has to pay child support and that would go to high rent and other things she and my older sister would have to leave behind.
2 weeks ago, we had a really big fight and that was it. I wanted to live with my dad. So I did that. Now my mum pays child support and everything happens like my dad told me.
I am getting calls from my mum and sister, telling me I am a jerk.
Even my uncles and grandmothers have been telling me I did a bad thing, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s financial repercussions for her own inability to parent are not your problem. She told you to leave; you did what was best for your own well-being.
If she genuinely cannot afford the current financial obligations she can go to court or ask your dad to voluntarily lower the payment agreement if possible. You are now in a stable household. As your parent, that’s all that should matter to your family.” therogueheart1967
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are certain responsibilities to being a parent, which your mother is discovering. She pushed you out of her home, and now she has to deal with the legal and financial ramifications. She should have thought of this beforehand. One other thing I want to address: her getting the rest of the family into this.
That is a cowardly and abusive tactic. There is no reason for them to be involved except to browbeat and punish you for what was her decision. She is using her family to bully and mistreat you.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was exactly the same as you at your age, this story is eerily similar to mine, except my parents divorced at 9.
Your mum shouldn’t make empty threats like that, and I’m sorry that so much of your family is harassing you over the phone like that. You don’t deserve that, and I guarantee that your mum hasn’t told any of the others the full story. My mum would do the same.
Get the extended family involved in our fights because she was closer to them than I was, and it always hurt that in their eyes I was constantly this villain in my mother’s life, and that I never could have possibly been a victim of her abuse.
It was all my fault to them. I need you to know it’s not your fault. All you did was put yourself in a better and safer position. I promise you it gets better. I’m 20 now, moved far away, don’t talk to my mother (or her side of the family really) at all anymore, and I finally feel free.
Things will get better.” Dexterity99
20. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Insensitive Mother's Day Gifts?
“Saturday I took my boys to the ballet and to lunch.
It was a lovely day. They had been telling me for weeks how excited they were for me to open my Mother’s Day gift. Sunday comes, husband has them bring me gifts. It’s a cool wooden puzzle Pandora box, inside is a necklace that is thematically tied to my youngest’s name and my oldest excitedly told me that the corresponding necklace to his name is running late.
I asked them if they picked them out and they said no, it was Papa.
For backstory, my husband collects all kinds of things related to their names. Wall art, bookends, books, etc. I do not and have not ever. For further context, we’ve recently (last 1 year) had several fights where I’ve asked him explicitly not to buy me jewelry and not to tie my approval of the kids to gifts (my youngest brought a cardboard box in last week that he had made and decorated and my husband said “as a joke” that mama can’t throw it away because it was a gift he made, previously they have made Lego flower bouquets that if I didn’t display meant “Mama didn’t like it.” At Christmas he had my youngest give me a gift in front of everyone that he (my husband) proudly proclaimed was the perfect blend of two things I hate).
So for Mother’s Day I get 2 things I’ve asked very sincerely and clearly not to receive.
The best part is the card. The printed message on the inside said, “Thinking of you during this difficult time”, which was crossed out. My boys signed it. We are burying my father this coming weekend.
What sort of mixed message is that??
So yesterday he asked me how my Mother’s Day was, and I said, “Well, actually if you’re open to hearing something potentially hurtful, we can talk. If not we can wait until therapy.” But he wanted to hear it so I did my best to explain how puzzled and hurt I was by this gift on many levels, and it was a massive blow-up, wherein I am ungrateful and can’t see that he “tried” and that I’ve painted him into a corner where he can’t ever get me a gift. So yes, I am a jerk for jumping to conclusions in my mind which turned out to be founded anyway.
I don’t even know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“I was exactly the same way. Part of it is recognizing being controlling. Therapy helped a lot. Growing up extremely poor contributed to my extreme frugality. Then my husband and I decided to do separate bank accounts.
He has his money and I have mine. We have one joint that bill money goes into. He can buy what he wants and it doesn’t bother me as that’s his money to spend and I know it’s not taking away from bills.
Now I also give my husband a gift wish list with very specific instructions that I don’t want to be surprised just stick to the list because my issues around material waste make me hard to be receive gifts I don’t want.” yavanna12
Another User Comments:
“Wait so for your Mother’s Day card, he got you a sympathy card and crossed out the message? The comments to your kids about you hating their gifts to you seem very…..narcissistic. Also, I think you would have loved those necklaces if your boys had picked them out, but your husband did after you said you don’t like stuff with names on it.
It seems like he’s seeing how far he can push you before you react negatively in front of the kids. I don’t get good vibes from him. You are NTJ. Screw the vote on this.” Low-Variation-9411
19. AITJ For Ignoring My Partner's Friends Who Make Homophobic Jokes About Me?
“My (21M) partner Lysander (20M) and I live together and so we both end up spending a lot of time with each other’s friends.
The thing is Lysander was a sporty Jock kid in school and most of his friends are straight sporty guys and we live in Tennessee. Not that I’m really fem or anything, not that there’s anything wrong with that it’s just that I’m an average nerdy guy who was never that into sports and with slightly gayer friends.
So to his friends that means I’m “the girl” in our relationship.
They constantly joke about him needing to ask his “old lady” for permission to go out drinking or have a boys’ night or refer to me and his wife. Or stuff like asking him if he gave his “lil lady” some money to get her nails done because sometimes I paint my nails.
Lysander digs in on it and makes jokes with him even after I’ve told him privately that it bothers me. I end up just rolling with it to keep the peace with his friends.
I talked to my brothers (23 and 19) and my friends about it and they said I should just straight up ignore his friends whenever they start up and just pretend they aren’t there.
So I tried that over the last week and today Lysander confronted me about and he told me his friends thought I was being rude to them by ignoring them and not engaging with them when they come over. I told him that I don’t want to talk to people who constantly make fun of me and he got upset saying that’s just them joking around and that’s how it’s been his whole life.
He tells me maybe if I tried to get along with them better and just indulged them I wouldn’t be so offended. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for one thing, your partner’s friends are deciding who’s “the girl” in the relationship and making fun of you because you’re not a sporty jock type and therefore “less of a man”.
This is nonsense and homophobic. For another, your partner isn’t drawing a line that that’s not allowed, even after you’ve told him that you don’t like them doing that, and on top of that, he’s joining in. You deserve better than his friends and your current partner.” AvgHeight510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to disengage when someone is being rude to you. I, personally, interpret ribbing as mean-spirited. Some guys tease as a form of bonding. If they didn’t mean any harm, then they should have stopped after hearing that it bothered you.
And your SO should have your back and help you set that boundary. It’s really not appropriate to pigeonhole gays into heterosexual relationship guidelines. There isn’t “a man and a woman” in a gay couple; there are two gay men.” frombildgewater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Lysander is for not understanding how you feel and having your back.
Are you sure this is a healthy relationship for you? Instead of ignoring them, the next time one of them makes a joke, say something like, “I don’t get it” or “What do you mean” or “Explain to me what you said.” They will 100% respond with “I was joking.” At that point say “I don’t get the joke, explain it to me.” Say that until they shut up because you’ve managed to highlight just how big of jerks they are being.
Then take some time to evaluate this relationship.” JanetInSpain
Play dumb amd say "I'm sorry but could you please explain". When they say it's a joke, ask them to please explain the joke because you don't "get it" and when they can't then just ignore them. I also feel you and your partner needs some serious us time as in couples counseling
He definitely does not have your back. I would seriously reconsider tjus relationship
18. AITJ For Not Disclosing My Ovary Removal To A Guy I'm Casually Seeing?
“I (30f) had my right ovary removed last year due to a very very large tumor and cyst. It was a traumatic emergency surgery. Prior to that, I had a 35% chance of conceiving and now I’m at around 8%/9%.
I’m very self-conscious about the scars on my tummy, they’re very noticeable and people often ask a lot of personal questions whether I engage or not. It’s also that time in my life when I’m surrounded by mothers-to-be and moms who cannot let it go.
Quite often I just don’t feel obligated to explain my health and I don’t want to talk about children.
Fast forward to a person I’m casually seeing and our first time. They keep interrupting to ask about my scar and on the 4th I say I had an ovary removed dude let it go it’s really not your business and you should have left it alone.
The argument gets nasty because neither will back down, he thinks I lied and am sketchy for not disclosing it. I became infuriated at the idea and reminded him that we were not serious enough in any fashion for me to discuss reproduction with him.
We have mutual friends now who insist I was being weird for not disclosing everything before and during. My mom even agreed, am I really the jerk for wanting to discuss it when I’m ready and not feeling like I owe people an explanation/telling people to stop focusing on how I will probably never be a mother???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – unless you want to talk about it, don’t. It’s no one’s business but your own and you don’t have to disclose it to any stranger. You have no reason to apologize, he and your family are being weird about it.
Your family wanting you to apologize and disclose your personal medical information to someone who you’re not seeing seriously means they need to learn their own boundaries. Have your boundaries and stand strong behind them, you talk about it when ready not when others try to force it out of you or make you give an explanation to the soon-to-be moms/moms that ask about it.” reflexting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strangers have no right to know your medical history or personal and private information unless you want them to. That one fact about you does not define you or take away from I’m sure 100 other amazing qualities. I do want to say I’m so sorry for the medical history and what you have had to go through.
I can only imagine that is heartbreaking and traumatic. And also that guy was a jerk for how he treated you. As for the people, maybe try to hide it at first? If and when you disclose it is your choice. I would think reproduction should come up at some point and the guy would deserve to know at some point due to how it might affect his future with you but at the same time, it’s also your business to tell.
There’s a small chance you could have a child but you could also do surrogacy or adoption and are not pigeonholed. NTJ for not wanting to disclose serious and private info to almost strangers and someone you are unsure about getting serious with and I think he owes you an apology and not the other way around.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy overstepped and was rude. It’s really none of his business at all until you get super serious. Even then, until kids become an issue you don’t need to go there. I would make it clear to anyone who goes there that you do not discuss your healthcare issues with people regarding things that do not affect them.
If they have a problem with it then just get up and walk away because they are not worth the effort.” righteousredo
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Mother-In-Law To Live With Us?
“I’m going to get married after about six years of being together, my partner and I have been preparing everything for about a year. She’s very nervous about this whole process, I understand and since she likes to have control of everything, I leave her responsible for most of the process while my only function for now is the legal procedures to acquire our new house.
During this process, I am being closely supervised by Rose, her mother, who has always hated me. I met my partner when I was at the end of high school and she at the end of law school (she is 7 years older than me).
From the beginning of our relationship, Rose has positioned herself against me, saying that her daughter should be with someone of the same age, who was financially stable, or who had at least worked once.
She even created a profile for her daughter on an app and set up a blind date with a rich guy she met there for my partner (who did not know it, Rose had said that he was a bank manager, and had accepted our loan proposal for the house and asked a dinner to discuss the terms) and over the years, Rose’s hatred for me only increased. Even when I got into medical school, Rose said we should break up, because I would work/study too much and not have time for her.
Well, during a visit to a house with a broker, Rose accompanied me and bombarded him with weird questions like: “This ladder is dangerous, what security can you offer to an old woman like me?” and more things like that. I found those strange questions, and when I questioned Rose, she said that she had already talked to my partner, had her permission, and that after the wedding, she would live with us.
I questioned my partner after that, saying that she could not make these important decisions without consulting me, since the house would be ours she couldn’t make these decisions alone and she couldn’t make those decisions on her own and I stood against this idea, precisely because of Rose’s six years of hatred against me.
My partner justified by saying that after her divorce (about a year ago) Rose was feeling very lonely, and showing depressive symptoms, and it was the duty of her only daughter to support her mother. I offered to pay the rent of a house to Rose next to ours, so we would have our privacy as a couple and she could still support her mother without Rose harming our relationship because I felt that if she lived with us, that was what was going to happen.
She defended by saying that Rose did what she thought was best for her daughter, and in the end, just wanted to see her daughter happy. She kept saying that paying rent to her mother while she had our house to live in would just be a waste of money.
I said I’d rather waste money than waste our marriage, she packed her things and said that if I wasn’t old enough to get over the past (something her mother clearly isn’t) then my love for her wasn’t enough and that marriage didn’t make sense.
She hasn’t spoken to me in five days, I’m starting to feel bad, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she is very close to her mother and has made a decision on who is her priority. I would seriously think over if you would like to have a constant battle with your wife over your mother-in-law.
It may be better to walk away from a no-win situation. Undergoing years of conflict in your significant other’s family is going to take its toll on your future marriage. It would be different if she stood up for you and you were a team however it sounds like she is making decisions on your future together without you.
Good luck. I hope you think about what you envision your life to be like. I personally couldn’t deal with someone who literally set up a social profile for her very involved daughter. She has no respect for you or your relationship.” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are honestly insane if you go through with this wedding. Rose is going to be in charge of your house, how your income is spent, when you get time with your wife, when and if you have children. Every single part of your life and marriage will be controlled by Rose.
There is a reason she needs to go out with someone way too young. There is a reason she couldn’t develop a relationship with someone her own age. Her being with someone barely out of high school is a huge red flag that she has a problem.
I know you think you were just very mature for your age, but that’s not it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re fiance made a decision about your married life with her mother and not you. Not ok. She doubled down and told you to deal with it when confronted. Not ok.
She left over the argument and made the marriage conditional against you capitulating. More not ok. She uses the silent treatment against you to get her way. Definitely not ok. Seriously – all you did was say what’s up with this, and it isn’t ok with me because this woman hates me.
I can’t live with someone who has actively tried to break us up. You are so NTJ. This is what your future looks like if you follow through with the wedding and house purchase. Walk away or make wedding conditional on couples counseling with an unbiased mediator who will help work through these discussions and improve communication.” Sheetascastle
16. AITJ For Insisting My Partner Swap His Plate Of Pizza With Mine?
“This is a running theme within our relationship and I’m furious about it now.
It happens so often, we spend 50/50 on food, etc, and he portions it up. I end up with less than him, or less ‘tasty’ bits like chicken, duck etc.
Yesterday he put a pizza in the oven, and whenever I sort the pizza, I open it and spread the cheese out on the top so both of us have cheese on our slices. It tends to come with all the cheese accumulated on one half, because of how it’s stored in the store I guess.
He put it straight in with all the cheese on one half and then served me the half with literally minimal flecks of cheese, which he had two heavily loaded cheesy bits.
I snapped and insisted we swap plates, so I got the slices covered in cheese and he got the tomato bread.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a simple way to deal with this. One person divides whatever it is, but the other person picks their portion first. This encourages the divider to make the distribution as even as possible. So, let your partner divide the portions, but make it clear, you get to choose your plate first.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“People coming up with solutions like “one person divvies it up, the other person picks their plate first” are missing the forest for the trees here. You should not need to implement those kinds of rules because your partner should not be actively trying to trick you out of your fair portion of food.
That isn’t normal behavior! You tell me this is “a running theme within our relationship” which means that one of your partner’s CORE OPERATING PRINCIPLES is that YOU DESERVE LESS THAN HIM. He will spend your whole relationship expecting you to settle for less and worse so he can have better and more, and it won’t stop at food.
It sounds petty but it’s not. I know it’s a cliche that people will always just tell you to break up, but I’m sorry, it is very often justified because people post their partners doing the absolute wildest stuff! I would break up over this.
It’s not about food, it’s about a whole mindset that you should have less so he can have more. That is absolutely toxic in a relationship. And I would bet my whole paycheck that if you think about it, you can come up with non-food examples of his “I come first, OP comes second” mindset.” Zinnia0620
Another User Comments:
“Today I was in a therapy session and dealt with a memory I had from early on in my 12-year marriage. My ex-husband and I were newly married, and going to school to do our Master’s degrees. He was packing his lunch for the day.
He was standing in the kitchen, with his back to me, and didn’t realize I was watching him. We only had two apples in our house that day. One apple was perfect, the other one had a 1-inch rotten bruise on it. He picked both apples up, saw that one was damaged, and paused. He then took the good apple for himself and left me with the rotten apple.
You would think, as newlyweds and very happily married at that point, that he would want the best for me and give me the good apple. But no, he was an inherently selfish person. And that was the theme of our marriage. Today, 12 years later, I need a therapist to help me process that memory.
Save yourself the 12 years that I wasted. Don’t be with someone who always takes the best for themselves. Blessings and burdens should be shared.” VandWW
15. AITJ For Wanting To Reveal My Sister's Potential Affair Child To My Ex-BIL?
“I recently found out that my sister had multiple affairs while married to my ex-BIL. And that was just one of the truth bombs I discovered. I have three nephews, two are very much built like their dad.
But the middle child is huge. It could be genetics from his grandfather as the man is huge as well. But I found out that my mother found out about and helped cover up three affairs my sister had. And one of my nephews has a chance of being a child from one of these affairs.
I know it’s not the eldest because he’s the spitting image of his dad. But I’m not positive about the other two. The youngest is small like his dad, but the middle child is nearly as big as me, and he’s only 12. I was sworn to secrecy not to say anything.
But it’s eating me alive.
I thought maybe I could send an anonymous typed letter to my ex-BIL explaining the situation. But if it turns out that none of my nephews are children from the affairs, I’d just be causing chaos with ex-BIL suddenly wanting a DNA test for all the kids.
And that would make things even worse.
I need some serious advice here. WIBTJ if I said anything or didn’t say anything?
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been in your BIL’s position and it turned out I wasn’t the dad. I don’t regret finding out. I regret not finding out sooner.
Met many people in my position since then and not one has ever wished they didn’t know. NTJ. He deserves to know. The kids deserve to know. The aftermath won’t be good and there will be a lot of hurt and healing, but that’s your sister’s fault and not yours.
Don’t let guilt stop you from making the right choice.” kingzeus24
Another User Comments:
“This is a tricky situation, op. On the one hand, you could potentially torpedo a child’s relationship with the only father they have ever known. But, on the other hand, would it be worse for the kid to learn a decade or two down the line that the man who raised him, “Dad”, is not actually his biological father?
And that family members had their doubts but no one ever mentioned it? Then, on another hand, you have a man out there that might have a child he doesn’t know about. That man deserves a choice about knowing his son or not, and the kid deserves a choice about knowing their biological father or not.
And on, like, a fourth hand, it could be medically important to know who the child’s father is. Does the potential bio-dad have any family medical history that this kid might really need to know for their own health? It’s tough to be in your shoes because you didn’t cause any of this drama but you’re trying to decide the right thing to do with what you know.
Maybe the best path, if your sister would go for it, is to test all the kids’ DNA. There are tests that will differentiate between a half-sibling and a full-sibling. If it comes back that all three kids are full siblings, then nobody else needs to know about the indiscretion.
If it comes out that the kids do not all have the same father, well, that at least gives your sister (and you) more information to work with in deciding what to do.” NotLibbyChastain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The man has a right to know.
I don’t understand why so many people are saying it’s ok to double down on a lie. I feel like so many people here are saying to not rock the boat for the sake of the children, but is that truly what’s best for them?
In this day and age, when knowing your medical history is so important, wouldn’t the best thing to do is take away “feelings” out of the equation and look at health? If a child is at risk for certain diseases, wouldn’t it be best to know BEFORE something happens?
There are many diseases that are inherited but do not show up until later in life. Next line of thinking, what if this man was your son, or your brother, or your father? Wouldn’t you want him to know? Would you want your loved one to go around thinking the family is all like the Brady Bunch when his wife is going around having not one, not two, but three affairs?
Granted, this isn’t likely what’s going on since they have divorced, but he should still know.” akumozensho
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move To Help My Injured Sister?
“I’m 18, I have friends, I have a nice thing going with a girl, I’m genuinely happy most of the time. Well, recently my 25-year-old sister (who lives out of state) got into a nasty car crash (which wasn’t her fault) and got badly injured though she’s recovering.
Well, there’s the issue, my parents want to move to the town in the middle of nowhere that she lives in so they can help her with her everyday life which obviously got a lot harder after the accident and she struggles with basic things.
We got into a fight and they claim I’m being extremely selfish because I don’t want to drop my life and spend the next year living here and having to switch schools once again (I was homeschooled for a couple of years but not anymore, that’s a different story).
They keep saying they expected me to be more mature and whatever and we’ve been fighting over this day after day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re advocating for yourself. They’re trying to help your sister through this tough time.
Ideally, one parent could stay with you, and the other could help your sister. I realize in the real world families have to make tough choices, but you should sit down rationally and figure out something that works for everyone (if possible). Good luck to you and best wishes to your sister!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your parents have (at least) 2 kids. One is currently severely disabled and needs support. They probably care about you not wanting to leave your friends/partner, but they have to look at the scenario, and made the decision (that most people would agree with), that the severe physical disability takes priority.
It’s okay to be upset about it. Ultimately, though, you’re 18. Is there a way to work and find a place to live yourself? Maybe a way to rent a room in a friend’s house? And how far away is it? Can you visit regularly (like a few hour drives you can do on weekends) or is it like a cross-country flight?” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular YTJ! You commented that your sister has third-degree burns and broken bones? It’s probably not safe for her to move or the stress of moving and trying to sell her house is not something her body can handle! I totally understand you still don’t want to move to where she is, that’s cool!
The one good thing about you being 18. Have you asked any friends’ families if they’d let you live with them just for the school year? Or consider maybe a super part-time job like babysitting or tutoring? Because you are 18 you actually have a lot of options.
Complaining about it without trying isn’t actually doing anything.” AITACommenter57779
13. AITJ For Asking My Mom About Her Long-Term Housing Plans?
“About two weeks ago my mom texted me and asked me if she could spend the weekend with me?
Although I found it strange she’s my mother and I wasn’t going to tell her no so I said sure that’s fine. She and my brother (15) have been living with me since and it’s been driving me nuts.
I recently separated and have been living alone since about December and have fallen in love with it, I truly enjoy my solitude.
My daughter (3) and I have a routine and I answer to no one. For context when I left my husband it was an emergent thing and my mother helped me get into the apartment I am in now, I have since been 100% financially responsible for it.
I finally got a chance to speak with my mom and it looks like the reason she asked me if she could stay with me was because of a similar situation in her relationship, she seems to be separating from her partner whom she lived with and will probably be staying with me for a while.
I finally worked up the courage to ask her if she plans on renting an apartment or what she plans on doing and she seems to be taken aback by the question, and somewhat offended. Her response seemed sad and she simply said she would try to get out of my way.
AITJ for kicking her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’d straight up explained the situation from the off, and how long she planned on staying it might be different. What I would say is that she obviously won’t stay forever and if you have the option of helping your own mother go through something you know can be awful, then I’d opt for that.
But I don’t think you’re a jerk for asking what her long-term plans were.” jjswin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or no jerks here, from the sounds of it you didn’t even officially “kick her out”, you asked a valid question. IMO, Mom is probably just enjoying her time with you but maybe becoming a little lax with her intent to find other housing.
It is tough out there too now, I’m curious if her current job provides enough for housing for her and your younger brother? You also left out how long it’s been, maybe if it has only been like a week it might be a tad insensitive at best, but if it’s like 1 month+ I’d probably ask the same thing.
Maybe there’s not enough info here either. If you straight up told her I want you out I’d be a little sad too, but if it is how you described the convo going I stick with my NTJ/no jerks here stance.” miss_burp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are an adult and want your own life. Maybe even find a partner again and that will be hard with having mommy home. She deceived you “one weekend” when she knew exactly that she wanted to stay for years. She seems to not even look for an apartment?
Does she pay rent or is living free like at her ex’s? Just because she is your mom and raised you, you don’t need to give up your life for her. When she moved in, she knew that this could happen! She is old enough to know this.
She should have saved up for an emergency plan. Especially since she is still responsible for a 15y/o. You aren’t her emergency plan in the long run! You can help her but she shouldn’t get too comfy. Give her a timeframe in which she needs to be out.
Of course saying it nicely. Think about yourself first. And if she starts to guilt-trip you, just “I said everything” and leave the room.” Sheeps_n_Birds
12. AITJ For Uninviting My Mom To My Graduation Because I Want To Wear A Suit?
“I’m graduating high school later this week. I go to a girls’ school and the dress code is all-white formal clothing (floor-length dresses, suits, etc.) Our teacher allows girls to wear suits too.
I’ve always been self-conscious about my weight, mainly because my father has engaged in years of fat shaming (calling me a fat pig, etc).
My mom was a lot less shaming and a lot more telling me to eat this instead of that.
When I went to prom earlier this month and the parents were there to take photos, I was in a very feminine dress (and felt very beautiful) and later my mom remarked (in a not-very-nice tone) that the other parents commented on the fat roll on my back.
For commencement, she doesn’t like that I’m wearing a suit. She cares a lot about what my relatives/other parents think and only mentioned this after another parent pointed out that last year no one wore suits.
I told her that I have classmates wearing suits as well, and she said they were odd/not accepted, and asked why I can’t just “be like the other girls in the photos”.
She told me I could be “different” another day.
She wants me to show my shoulders but that’s the exact part I’m super self-conscious about. Everything I found shows my cleavage way too much and I’m not comfortable wearing that after what happened at prom.
She said it’s fine if I looked fat but her words aren’t very convincing now.
I’m not sure if this is relevant here, but I’m also bisexual. I came out to her a year ago, she sounded accepting but basically ignored it, and I never brought it up again.
I just wanted to graduate in something I feel comfortable in. My dad will be watching the Zoom livestream because he can’t be here, and normally whenever I wear things like dresses he comments on my body, and I just don’t want that to happen today.
I don’t want to be self-conscious when graduating.
Because of this, I told my mom that she and my dad don’t have to come nor watch if they cannot respect what I want to wear for the day, and if my relatives are going to be judgemental about it they don’t have to see the photos of me graduating either.
She said I’m super cruel for saying/doing this when she’s super excited to celebrate my graduation, and asked why I can’t just be a normal girl for two hours.
AITJ for uninviting her to my commencement because I insist on wearing a suit instead of a dress?”
Another User Comments:
“This is about a lot more than a suit. This is about parents who have gone out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself for a long time. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. On your graduation day, you should not and do not have to put up with toxicity.
I think you should be around those who are going to celebrate you – and if your folks don’t fall into that category, it’s their loss. I’m not sure what your mom’s definition of a normal girl is, but you sound unique and wonderful to me, and I hope your grad is special. Rock that suit, Friend!
NTJ!” my80saddiction
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need that negativity in your life on your big day, forget that! Wear what makes you comfortable and enjoy your accomplishment and given this is basically your gateway to adulthood you’re well within your rights to decide who gets to attend — it’ll teach your parents to consider how they treat you as an adult.
And on a blunter note: There are so many worse things to be in life than fat, I would rather a child who was a decent person and fat than a skinny child who’s a jerk. Stop being so hard on yourself about your weight, you’re more than the size of your body.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you handled the situation pretty perfectly. You advocated for yourself appropriately and let them know your expectations. You deserve to be comfortable and happy with how you look on the day of YOUR graduation. Your parents did literally nothing for this achievement.
It is YOURS. If they can’t celebrate you just the way you are, they don’t deserve to be there. You’re either 18 or very close to it. The time they get to control you is rapidly coming to a close as you come to the end of your high school journey.
I suspect you live somewhere a bit more conservative than most: The idea that girls must wear dresses to graduation (or be unaccepted) is ridiculous. We had queer and straight girls in suits 21 years ago when I graduated. Wear what you like. Rock that suit with your accessories.
You will look awesome! For what little it’s worth, you’ve got an online auntie that is super proud of you.” 051015
11. AITJ For Asking Parents To Make Their Kids Wear Deodorant Before I Pick Them Up?
“I work from home so I have the luxury of being able to do pick-ups and drop-offs for my son and his friends (mostly 10).
Right now they are doing sports camp so they are super sweaty when I pick them up. I told them all that they smell like armpits and it goes over their heads or they said they do use deodorant or they took a shower in the morning or laugh.
The issue is that they all smell. My son uses deodorant and I don’t think some of his friends do. I sent a friendly text to some of their parents to remind their boys to wear deodorant because they are smelling up my Audi.
Either the parents didn’t respond or mocked me for being a dad and not being able to tolerate a couple of sweaty boys.
I’m about to tell them that I’m not picking up their kids over it.”
Another User Comments:
“Haha this reminds me of my 7th grade teacher… first day of school she spent the whole hour lecturing us on personal hygiene even though it was a math class.
If you stank she’d make you sit outside while she sprayed your desk with Apple cinnamon Glade. More than a decade later my notebook from that class still smells like apple cinnamon. NTJ, they should totally practice better hygiene and they’re not entitled to be picked up by you, but also some car air fresheners might help with the issue too.” Duckington_Wentworth
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know–if it were me, I’d be walking over to the park to pick up the kids and then have them walk back to my house. No more stink. If their parents don’t like it, then they can tell their kids to wear deodorant and remind them every morning.
Guess what, folks? Being a parent means having to go out of your way to ensure that when someone is doing you a favor, you make it as easy for them as possible. If someone asked me to have my son wear deodorant because, again–they are doing a favor for me–I’d be putting a big sign on my front door to remind myself before I walked out to remind my kid, and I’d have them pack the deodorant in the bag they take to camp.
This is not hard. NTJ. (and thanks for being direct with the parents– when I was a nanny, I had a parent from one family want me to discuss another family’s child’s BO issue while carpooling with that kid’s parent– dang, that was awkward.)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a lot of people who didn’t teach their kids about personal hygiene and how to bathe correctly because in another comment, I think you said the kids shower at camp? So it sounds like these kids aren’t bothering to use soap.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect all your passengers to be relatively hygienic whether you drive an Audi or a Hoopty. Give everyone a baby wipe or even an antibacterial hand wipe and refuse car access until each stinky kid rubs the wipes on his armpits.
It won’t erase the BO but should take some of the edge off the stank. They also make deodorant wipes but I don’t see the point in applying deo on unwashed pits; it’s like mixing poop with roses.
Talk to the camp and ask if they will have a talk with the whole group about personal hygiene and why it’s important to scrub from head to toe, especially after playing sports.
It prevents/reduces body acne, smells, skin irritation, and body odor. I don’t know if they’ll actually do that but it’s worth a shot.
In my circle, I would not have to mince words with any stinky kids and would say, “Guys, the next time I pick you up, you need to be showered. That means using soap all over, especially on your armpits and privates.
That’s basic hygiene and it is non-negotiable.” If I’m driving you around, I’m obviously in your village, and if I’m in your village, I’m teaching/reinforcing the things your parents have been trying to instill in you. The kids in my life take it more seriously if it comes from someone other than their own parents.
I also wouldn’t hesitate to make a kid in my care bathe at my house. Worst comes to worst and the boys continue to be stinky, you can decide it’s not worth the discomfort and simply stop carpooling. I wouldn’t give the parents a reason, they already know, just a breezy “Hey heads up, I won’t be able to pick up the kids anymore.”” needyourchanclas
10. AITJ For Not Stopping My Son From FaceTiming His Dad During A Meeting?
“A few months ago, my ex was on a business trip to Australia. While he was there, my son wanted to call him and I told him he had to wait because his daddy was sleeping.
He started crying because I wouldn’t let him speak to his dad and when we finally did call him, he told my ex that I said no to calling him.
My ex was furious with me and made a big show of buying our son an iPad and teaching him how to Facetime him when he got back since he travels a lot and couldn’t trust me to keep communication open between him and our son.
He warned me not to stop our son from contacting him ever again, which is why yesterday I didn’t stop our son from repeatedly trying to Facetime his dad despite knowing he was in an important meeting.
My ex thought something happened so ended his meeting early to call our son back.
After he spoke to him, he called me and got angry at me for not telling our son not to call him until after his meeting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wanted his son to call him at any time and intentionally taught your son that it’s appropriate to ignore your parenting.
This is what he gets. But seriously OP, do you want to raise a kid with a partner who undermines you and teaches your child that you have no power and that he will always side with your kid over you? You and your husband need to have a serious conversation about this before your son becomes completely unmanageable.” Huntress_of_the_Moon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you made me laugh. This might have been a little petty, but it’s poetic justice as well. He gave his son a way to access him at any time, so it’s on him to respond or ignore. He should have known if it was an emergency you would have been calling him, not your child.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“Kids learn early how to play divorced parents and you both got played by a 4-year-old. Remember this when son tells you his dad won’t let him (fill in the blank). Because baby boy learned that he gets prizes (iPad) when complaining to the other parent that he didn’t get his way.
Doesn’t make him a bad kid, just a normal kid. NTJ for the petty stunt, but hopefully you and ex can come to an agreement on communications with the kid.” Terrible_turtle_
9. AITJ For Hiding My Dad's Medication Until He Cleans Up His Mess?
“I (18f) have a dad that is difficult to deal with, to say the least. We have found proof and confirmed he is secretly bisexual and has been unfaithful to my mom with both genders for years, he squanders a lot of funds away without any of his own substantial income and he gets belligerent quickly to name just a few.
He knows my mom can’t even leave him right now because of financial reasons so he takes advantage of it.
He also has a MAJOR hygiene problem. Barely showers and when he does you barely notice it, doesn’t brush his teeth and everywhere he sits or goes reeks of body odor and urine.
He also often floods the entire toilet seat/bathroom floor with urine.
This obviously bothers me and I confront him and cry so often because I want to be able to use the bathroom in my own home without worrying about sitting on his urine or accidentally soaking my socks in it.
Yesterday I came home from my part-time job and I was already exhausted because the shift was the most difficult I’ve worked and I wanted to use the bathroom….lo and behold…it was completely smeared in feces. Like it was streaked with chunks inside and outside and there were chunks on the floor.
Needless to say. I flipped out. A lot. My grandad lives here and always protects my dad so he said I should just leave him alone.
My dad tried to make amends that night. I really have tried everything to get him to change, I’ve offered to pay for a meal after he completes a chore or offered to help him, my mom and sister have tried to get him to do something too.
He just ignores us and gets mad then leaves to go find my grandad.
So that night I took his medication and wallet and hid it beside the bathroom sink (he would see it if he actually cleaned). Confiscating his keys/wallet is really the only thing that seems to work but he had his keys in his pocket.
The next morning he noticed and asked where I put them and I asked him if he would clean the bathroom…no answer. He then sent my grandad up to tell me I’m ungrateful and I can’t do such a thing as he needs his medication (strong pain medication due to a hip replacement and obesity).
We got into it and he told me he’s kicking me out and blamed me for the issues. They’re working on getting new meds instead of just taking a mop in hand for less than 10 minutes (my mom cleaned the brunt of it before going to night shift so mainly the floor was dirty).
I feel like I might be the jerk for hiding his medication because he does have quite a few pains.”
Another User Comments:
“This is a really difficult one, but I am going to say ESH, even though I feel bad about it. I don’t think I need to explain why your dad sucks, but hiding medication isn’t an acceptable way to deal with this, though I get you are at the end of your tether.
If he is looking for a reaction then you have given him one and also a way to play the victim to other people. If he is just too sick to clean up after himself, though I am dubious about that, then it won’t make a difference.
You shouldn’t have to live like this, are you in the position to move out at any time soon?” WhisperingDark
Another User Comments:
“As a rule of thumb, don’t touch/take anyone’s meds. Pain meds in particular are a “controlled substance”. If they wanted to make trouble for you, they could call the police and say you stole the meds.
Your grandfather is enabling your dad’s behavior. Does HE clean Dad’s messes, or just yell? Dad’s not going to change as long as he can summon Grandpa to scream and get him out of taking responsibility. The only behavior you can change is your own.
It sounds like you’ll need to start making an exit plan. I wonder if your mom would qualify for some affordable housing? Or if there is a women’s shelter that can help you relocate? Start looking for resources via the library. There is no reason that you all should have to wallow in his filth.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Abject-Technician558
Another User Comments:
“Your mom can’t leave him because of “financial reasons”. But it sounds as if your dad doesn’t work. What, exactly, is holding your mother back? He’s been unfaithful to her, clearly isn’t getting help for a mental illness, has his daddy there to quash any responsibility he should have as an adult… YTJ because you hid meds.
But other than that, try to protect yourself. Have a real conversation with your mom and ask for the real reason she won’t leave him. Guessing she doesn’t want people to think poorly of her because you’re in a small community. But they all likely know how your dad is and probably pity your mom.” Beck2010
8. AITJ For Losing My Temper At My Clean Freak Husband?
“I (32f) have been with my husband (35m) for over a decade and married for 5 years. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been a total clean freak. I can’t even cook without him hovering and swooping in every time I leave a can out or set a dirty spoon on the counter.
It’s been a sore spot in our marriage because it causes me a lot of stress.
I don’t hate cleaning, sometimes it is nice to take a day and do a total deep clean of the space for a mental reset. However, he’s way more intense about cleanliness.
His mom was a hoarder if that helps.
We’ve tried cleaning schedules, counseling, talking, and nothing seems to get through to him. As soon as he sees a mess he’ll swoop in.
The final straw was last night. I was cooking dinner and he came into the kitchen and started hovering, as usual. I asked him to please leave because cooking is how I de-stress and I had a bad day.
He left for about five minutes and came back with a spray bottle and cloth. I asked him to leave again and that he could clean after dinner and he ignored me and started spraying down the stove. That I was cooking on. We have an electric stove, so he was able to clean the other burners.
I lost it, I hate chemicals next to my food and the bad day at work and his behavior just made me boil over. I will admit I screamed at him and he just looked so shocked and sad that it made me tear up.
I felt like a total jerk. So I just left and went to my sister’s house. I made sure to text him when I arrived.
I told my sister what happened and she said I was a jerk because there were better ways to handle it but she knows his cleanliness is an issue.
I want opinions from more people because I just feel so awful but at the same time all the other ways weren’t working. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This may be undiagnosed OCD as someone else said, but there’s nothing good about spraying cleaning chemicals right where you are cooking.
There’s nothing wrong with cooking a meal and THEN going back to clean off the stove. You asked him nicely to leave you alone to cook, and then he came back, right under your nose, to clean. No matter what you have done in the past to get him to stop if this is compulsive behavior, schedules and charts won’t help.
He needs psychiatric help for his problem. I know you said you’ve tried counseling, but I’d want to know what kind of therapist you saw, and if he actually saw someone who is experienced with compulsive behaviors. I considered the no jerks here judgment, but this has been an ongoing problem for years that you have tried to resolve with him – and it’s his responsibility to keep working at finding a t***************t that works instead of repeating behaviors over and over that he KNOWS distress you.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone spraying chemicals next to my food would set me off too. His need to clean does not trump your need to ‘not’ be poisoned or given cancer. He was told, and yet he chose to disregard/disrespect you and proceed anyway.
It’s not rocket science that you don’t spray chemicals around food or on any item that you eat off of. I’d say yelling at him was a fair and reasonable reaction because he’d clearly tuned you out when you told him ‘No.’ Sometimes it takes the surprise of a big reaction for someone to wake up and realize that they’ve crossed a line.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“In my current relationship, we’ve had some territorial fights over the kitchen. We just have different ways of cooking and cleaning. To the point where for a few years we agreed that he would be the only one to wash the dishes to avoid fighting.
I tell people jokingly now that I needed to get married to learn that I’ve been washing dishes wrong my entire life. At our worst, it got to the point where I left the kitchen if he walked in, and stayed out completely if he was in there cooking.
I could tell stories of him leaving juicy packets that had contained meat dripping b***d over counters, and he could tell stories about me soaking things to make it easier to wash, but let’s not get into that right now. We’ve gotten better now, strangely enough, we were forced to work it out to a degree.
We cohabit better in there now. And we can be in the kitchen together without divorce looming. I agree with the walking away someone else suggested. He wants to clean, fine. Throw the cleaner-contaminated food in the bin, leave the pan/pot in the sink, and walk out.
Maybe walk out of the house and take a long walk while fuming. I get that emotions boiled over and because you had a bad day him doing that was the last straw. So no jerks here for yelling. Hopefully, you cracking makes him realize this might break your relationship if you two don’t work this out.” curiouslycaty
7. AITJ For Refusing To Lie About Being Uncomfortable Dancing With My Brother's Best Man?
“My brother and his fiancée are getting married in July. I’m going to be the maid of honor and my brother’s best friend is the best man.
My future sister-in-law is trying to plan the wedding of her dreams, which includes pairing up the bridesmaids with the groomsmen and having them dance together during the reception. Everybody has agreed to it and there weren’t any issues until we started doing dance classes.
I’m paired up with the best man.
During the first class, my brother kept watching us and getting upset at his best man because he kept insisting we didn’t need to stand so close and that his hand was too low. Whenever we had a break, he would immediately come over to us and try to shoo me away from his best man.
His fiancée eventually got angry at him which is why he stopped. We’ve had two more classes since and he has been unusually short with both me and his best man during and after the classes.
The best man told me my brother warned him to keep his hands where he would touch his grandmother after the first class.
My brother came to me and asked me to tell his fiancée that I wasn’t comfortable with dancing with his best man. He said it was causing issues in their friendship and he needs me to do this for him. I refused to do it which made him angry with me.
I ended up telling his fiancée that he asked me to lie to her because he was being snappy with me and she asked me if something had happened. Now she’s upset with him and that’s made my brother upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your brother is being SUPER weird about this. The bride has observed and intervened in the jerkiness at dance class, there’s no reason she would believe that it is YOU who is uncomfortable. Go to her and tell her that your brother has made this demand, and since she’s seen it play out in person, you need to know what she wants you to do.
“Issues in their friendship,” I think your brother has a big issue with controlling YOU.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only one causing problems in his relationships here is your brother. He’s the one creating the tension between him and his best man, between him and you, between him and his wife-to-be.
If his best man has indicated he’s interested in you to your brother, your brother should warn you of that so that you can make your own decisions. Or you know, your brother could also get a different best man.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You shouldn’t have to lie. He shouldn’t lie, instead, he should properly explain his reasons. If he can’t do that, his reasons might not be such valid objections. Your future SIL deserves honesty. Do you know why it’s such an issue for your brother? To me, this just sounds so weird.
Then again this whole custom to have the wedding party dance with each other is already foreign to me, so I could easily be missing something here.” Throwaway-2587
6. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Refund Me After Their Dog Ruined My Clothes?
“I house-sat for my parents for free for two weeks. They have two dogs and one is known to eat clothes. As a precautionary measure, I had all my clothes in the guest room in either a bin with a locked lid or on top of the dresser.
Once I was done house-sitting and watching the dogs for them my siblings who still live there (I don’t) took over and I went camping for the weekend. I was informed I could leave my clothes and other stuff there as it would be safe in the guest room and no one should be there.
Now one thing you need to be aware of is that my parents have a rule where all doors in the house need to stay shut at all times due to this dog-eating stuff.
I went back after my camping trip to find all of my clothes that weren’t in the locked bin chewed up.
My siblings who took over opened every single door in the house and the dog managed to get into the dresser. The dog ate my clothes as well as other clothes in the house from the open doors. (Side note: all siblings are 16 or older)
When I found all of my clothes chewed up I requested my parents to refund me. I wrote up everything the dog ate of mine and even told them I didn’t care about some of the clothes but others I wanted replaced. My parents are acting as though this is the most ridiculous thing I could ask as it is “my dog too” according to them.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a pity you can’t get your irresponsible siblings to reimburse you. You did what you could to protect your clothes. It isn’t your fault that your siblings allowed the dog to get at your clothes and destroy them.
If you don’t live there, and the dog isn’t registered under your name, it isn’t your dog. You did your parents a favor by house-sitting for them for free for two weeks. You might look up the going rate in your area to house sit and care for 2 dogs and show them how much money you saved them.
The least they can do is replace your destroyed clothes.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I wouldn’t refund you anything if I was one of your parents because you knew the dog ate clothes. So you left clothes in the home when you were gone camping?
And no, you don’t get to blame your siblings. All the clothes got eaten so it’s not like they did this to you. They did this to themselves and unfortunately, you decided to leave your clothes there. Count this as a valuable lesson you have learned for a relatively low cost. NEVER trust other people to take care of your things when you can remove those things from danger by yourself.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what you’ve mentioned in the comments I get sort of an abusive vibe from your parents. It was very kind of you to house-sit for them for free and I assume that no clothes were damaged while you were there to care for your things.
Yes as people have stated it’s definitely your siblings that owe you, but as you’ve stated it’s not an option to pursue a payment from them. Your parents are also responsible for what happened as they had assured you that your items would be safe, I feel they definitely owe you, especially after you did them such a kind favor unpaid.
The least they could do is offer to compensate you for some of the time you house and dog sat for them considering you did that for free with the assurance your items would be safe and hey, they fell through on that part of the deal. I hope you get compensated. I’m so sorry.” LumiiGloom
5. AITJ For Not Ordering Takeout For My Brother After He Refused To Watch My Son?
“Yesterday we all went to the beach. My brother, 17, was there with our parents. I was there with my four-year-old. My husband couldn’t come because of a work emergency. My mom has some bad health problems, and I wanted to talk to Dad privately about some stuff in person.
I asked my brother if he would watch my son so Dad and I could take a walk together.
He shook his head and said, “he’s your kid.” I said it would be less than twenty minutes. He said, “I’m not obligated.” I said fine.
After the beach, we all went back to my place to meet up with my husband. I ordered takeout for everyone but my brother. He ordered, but I just didn’t put it in. When he didn’t see his order he said they screwed up. I said “I didn’t get you anything.
I’m not obligated. There are cold cuts in the fridge. Make a sandwich.”
Brother teared up and turned to our parents. Dad just shrugged and said, “you know how to make a sandwich.” Brother went into the backyard to sulk. Mom asked if that was necessary.
She said “You’re the adult. He’s the child.”
I said “not for very much longer. He can get a job and order his own takeout.” She was sad though, and I hate it when she is sad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If he told you what he wanted for takeout and you said “I’m not going to order for you, please place your own order and pay for it yourself” that would be more on par with what he did.
To pretend you are ordering him food and have him only find out after it arrives, when it’s too late for him to place his own order, is a petty move. He answered you honestly and directly when you asked him a favor. Imagine if he pretended he was going to watch your child, and then just didn’t, and you only found out after you returned from your walk with your dad and saw your child alone unsupervised?
YTJ.” SummitJunkie7
Another User Comments:
“I’m actually going for a controversial YTJ IF what you said is the full story – that you don’t have a history of trying to push childcare on him or other people, lying and saying ’20 minutes’ when it’s an hour, that your kid isn’t unruly, your brother knew what you were talking about was something important and you would be close by if he needed you – then yeah I could absolutely understand you refusing to pay for his takeaway or even punch in the order.
You would have had the opportunity to TALK to him about how we all do small things to make each other’s lives easier and there would be a logical cause and effect. But that’s not what happened. You LIED to him and pretended to order the takeaway, to make darn sure that he couldn’t make arrangements himself so you could deliver a big SCREW YOU when it arrived and send him away with only a sandwich.
So the dynamic changes. It wasn’t a case of ‘he wouldn’t do me any favors so I’m not going to lift a finger for him. It came ‘he wouldn’t look after my child so I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t get a takeaway and only get a sandwich to punish him for not getting my way.’ He may have been a bit selfish, but you were actively being spiteful and so I think you were more of a jerk enough to push this to YTJ.
Not doing favors for people who won’t do them for you is fine. You don’t get to punish people for not doing stuff for you.” FlahBlast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is where he should learn the lesson that “obligations” are a two-way street and sometimes you can just be nice to people so they feel good about being nice to you.
He was being t*******y and entitled. I do think it would be worthwhile for you to talk to him and spell it out. “I’m sorry for not ordering you dinner but I wanted to make a point with you about ‘obligations’. I asked you for a small favor for a good reason and you couldn’t be bothered. Either we do things for each other when we can, especially small favors, or we live in a way that nobody helps each other or does anything for each other.
I don’t think you want that, I sure don’t.” chuckinhoutex
4. AITJ For Being Upset Over A Cashier Continuously Questioning My ID Due To My Changed Appearance?
“I (F26) live in a small town and only go to one gas station to get smoking products for my partner. When I first was becoming a regular I’d get carded a few times, but eventually it stopped because of my frequent trips there.
Every time I go in the manager (F60s?) and I have a nice conversation and she never carded me after the first few times I went to her. She is a literal saint, one time she didn’t recognize me and carded me just to apologize that she didn’t realize it was me.
This is where I should add, my picture on my ID, and the way I look now are different. In my ID I basically have a curly small red afro because my hair was at the beginning of growing back from receiving Chemotherapy. It’s been a few years and my hair is about shoulder length.
Maybe a year ago I had my first encounter with the cashier (we’ll call her A F50). I went in and asked for the smokes and A and 2 other employees were standing there who knew me from how frequently I stopped in. I showed her my ID while it was still in my wallet.
I didn’t take it out because it took a solid 5 minutes to maneuver it out of its slot. She insisted she needed to scan it and I told her that the other 2 employees had checked me out multiple times and they vouched for me.
The next time I was in employee A was there alone and refused to sell me the smokes if I didn’t let her scan it.
So it took the 5 minutes to get it out as a line formed behind me and I just felt the satisfaction beaming from her. The time after was great, I went in and employee A was standing next to the manager. The manager and I had our usual small conversation and I bought the pack without one mention of an ID.
Since then they have hired new employees and at first, they carded me and I complied with no problem. They are new, they don’t know. I also switched wallets to speed it up and now it’s rare I get carded.
Today I went in to buy my partner a pack and employee A was there alone.
I ask her for it and she asks for my ID. I comply because I know she’s just not cool like the others. Then she gets all squinty-eyed and looks at my ID and says “That doesn’t look like you, you look younger than this picture and your hair-” I cut her off at that point and told her if she had a problem she could ask her manager about me.
I told her that her manager and I have a full conversation and never get carded with her. She responded with a sarcastic “that’s good to know” and then told me to have a great day. The only thing that stopped me from snapping about my hair in my ID was because an older man (60 probably) was standing behind me and I didn’t want to make it take longer.
When I lost my hair it became very triggering for me, especially with how long it’s taking to grow. The only reason why I’d feel like a jerk is because I really don’t want to be a pain in the butt to the manager if I’m just being too sensitive, but I feel like how employee A treats me is malicious at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. First, congratulations on beating cancer & your hair growing back. Second, A is taking her job a little too seriously. But technically, it is her job. You could casually mention to the manager how you like all the employees, especially if you can name them all & say something positive about each.
When you don’t mention A he’ll probably get curious. You can nonchalantly say “oh the one who keeps giving me a hard time about my ID. I know I look a little different since the chemo…” If you say that last part sadly & then follow with “but hey, I survived.” He should take the hint.” rtgd_mmm
Another User Comments:
“Different hair is not enough reason to question someone’s ID. How confident are you that this lady definitely recognizes you at this point? If you really are, NTJ because she is either just inconveniencing you to be petty or taking IDing people way too seriously with very poor judgment on when to be suspicious.
Whether she’s just giving you issues because she doesn’t like you or genuinely thinks she should challenge ID over different hairstyles she needs to chill. I probably wouldn’t bring it up with a manager yet but if something beyond asking to see it happens again I think it would be fair to casually mention it.
I feel like the “it’s the law” people here don’t regularly buy age-restricted products at the same place, because this is weird behavior. Implicitly challenging the validity of someone’s ID is very different from checking it because you have to.” Slime__queen
3. AITJ For Cancelling My Attendance At My Sister's Surprise Birthday Party After She Treated Our Mom Poorly?
“My mom’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago and my sister planned a “birthday trip” for my mom, but brought her whole family. My sister booked the hotels and rental car but made my mom buy her own plane ticket and reimburse her for her room.
My mom paid entry into the state parks for all 7 of them, most dinners, and gas. My sister paid for one dinner but complained about the price so my mom reimbursed her.
After the trip, my sister planned a 4th of July cookout at her house and told everyone what to bring.
My sister was only responsible for hotdogs and burgers while my mom and I were getting/cooking everything else, including the buns. My sister complained about how much the trip cost and she couldn’t afford to feed everyone too, in total there’s about 12 of us.
Later my sister texts me that she told my mom she changed the time to dinner, while I was supposed to still arrive at lunchtime because “she didn’t feel like catering” to my mom the whole time. I told my sister if my mom was coming later, so was I.
After some back and forth, my sister gets mad and cancels the cookout. My mom calls me and asks me if I know why my sister canceled the cookout and I read her the texts. It hurt my mom’s feelings pretty badly that my sister was acting like my mom was a burden and my sister basically banned us from coming over anymore, (we used to have most holiday gatherings at her house, at her request since she lived halfway between my house and my mom’s).
Now to the main point. My sister’s husband had been planning a surprise party for my sister’s birthday for months, it’s about 6 weeks away. We all got new outfits and he was going to book some fancy restaurant. But after how my sister treated my mom on their trip and the way she handled the cookout situation, I wasn’t going anymore and my family is a large chunk of the party.
My mom also said she didn’t want to go. During this time my sister was still texting me and calling me names while I tried to ignore her. I had enough and told her we wouldn’t do holidays there anymore and to tell her husband we wouldn’t be attending her surprise party either.
I admit it was petty and I’m pretty sure my sister blocked me at some point since she usually does when she can’t get her way, so I honestly don’t know if she got the message or not. With that being said, am I the jerk for having sent it?”
Another User Comments:
“Omg, NTJ! It sounds like you’ve been dealing with so much unfairness and disrespect from your sister, especially towards your mom. You totally stood up for your mom when she was being treated badly, and you have every right to set boundaries and speak up about how you feel.
Deciding not to go to the surprise party and skipping out on gatherings at your sister’s place makes total sense given how she’s been acting. You gotta look out for yourself and stand against being treated like that. Yeah, maybe it seemed a bit petty, but it’s like a natural reaction to how your sister’s been treating your fam.” SunlitSunkissedGal
Another User Comments:
“Seems to me your sister and BIL used your mom to fund the majority of their family vacation under the guise of mom’s birthday. While BIL might not have been part of the argument with you and your sister, he was part of the letting his MIL pay his way.
Then sis has the audacity to complain about the cost of the trip? Then why plan the cookout to begin with? So others can once again cover the majority of the costs? They are both users and takers. They both deserved the surprise birthday to be ruined. Awful people.
NTJ.” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Her husband wasn’t involved in the argument, and you spoiled his plans. Your mom also requested that you not ruin the surprise. You’ve added to her burden – now she’s going to feel bad about this, too.
So yes, jerk, and at the same time an understandable mistake given the heat of the moment.” HowlPen
2. AITJ For Lashing Out After Being Pressed To Attend An Honor Walk?
“I (24F) visited Kat (23F) in a hospital last week. She was in recovery after getting her appendix taken out and also visiting her were her sister Ana (25F) and her sister’s partner (24M).
The four of us were talking about a future trip to a local resort when the door opened up. The nurse walked in and said that an honor walk was currently happening and that if we wanted to see it happen we should go out and see.
Ana and her partner left the room to stand outside. Kat asked me if I was going to join them and I said no in a quiet voice. I saw my dear uncle go through an honor walk just this past winter and the event was still weighing heavily on my mind.
He was very close with my family and he passed away in a car accident that took his life and one of his coworkers. I said that I don’t want to cry and take attention away from the honor walk because the most recent one I saw was still hitting too hard.
My friend held my hand and we stayed inside as the honor walk happened. It took about ten minutes and when the donor of the honor walk happened I could feel my tears welling up. I buried my face in her blankets and when it ended my face was puffy.
She dried my face just as Ana and her partner walked back inside. Her sister asked me why I wasn’t there and I got shaky. I just couldn’t speak but she kept pressing me for an answer and I ended the visit there. I gave Kat a hug and said I’m willing to plan things out before I had to run out of the hospital and go into my car to cry.
I didn’t leave my phone on silent so I got a call from Ana on Kat’s number asking me why I was insensitive about visiting the honor walk. I shouted “My uncle had an honor walk you jerk” and hung up.
That night I was watching some rock climbing competition with my partner (25M) but I didn’t quite understand it.
He poked me on my shoulder and asked me what happened. I explained what happened and he said “calling her a jerk seems harsh, but it’s ok, sorry about your uncle.” Then he cuddled me as we watched the rest of the comp. He hasn’t brought it up again but he did comfort me with his homemade poutine.
I did want to support the honor walk but I didn’t think I’d be in a position to do so. Ana has called me and said that she didn’t know about my history but says that I could have worn a mask and sunglasses to conceal it.
I haven’t seen Ana in person since that day which throws a wrench in our plans for the resort trip.
AITJ for lashing out at Ana when she pressed me on watching the honor walk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know those memes that you see about “I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone” or those comments from people about how they wouldn’t want their spouse to find someone else to love if they were to die?
It took me so long to not be visually reactive. I had to sign the paperwork to take my husband off life support at 40, and held his hand while he took his last breath. I also found love again. So, your reaction is better than mine would have been.
I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle. Ana is an insensitive jerk who does not understand that people do not have to give a reason after saying no.” Commercial_7336
Another User Comments:
“Typically honor walks are attended by hospital staff and then family and friends; at least here in West Michigan.
When my daughter (3f) had her honor walk, the nurses, residents, and doctors lined the hallway to the elevator. Our family and friends lined the hallway to the operating room. I do not remember the faces of the strangers there to honor our daughter’s final journey.
I was just focusing on her. NTJ.” Soccerconfucius
Another User Comments:
“Why didn’t Kat just answer for you when you were too shaky to speak? What was she doing the entire time Ana was pressing you for answers? Just staring at the both of you silently?
And even after you left, Kat could have said something like ‘give her a break her uncle had an honor walk just recently’ and maybe Ana would have left it at that. Unless she is a massive jerk she won’t take that as an answer and keep on pressing you to hear it from you directly.
I think NTJ. You were emotional and Ana was clueless. Kat, on the other hand, is… something else lol. I really want to know her reaction during this entire ordeal.” KitKatKate_007
1. AITJ For Making My Grandmother Pay The Entire Restaurant Bill?
“I (F 29) wanted to spend time with my family before I started traveling so I invited my parents, siblings, and grandparents to go to this restaurant to spend some time together.
I told them the time to meet and everything and my parents and siblings were on time but my grandparents were 2 hours late. When they got there I asked them what took them so long and they told me that my grandmother was getting ready to go out for dinner and had to search for her dress.
I was annoyed but I was just excited that they were there.
I told everyone that they could order anything they wanted but I asked everyone if they tried not to order anything that expensive and everyone was cool about that except for my grandmother.
She told me that she was annoyed that she had to narrow her options down because it couldn’t be expensive. (Now the menu was huge and there were a million good options to choose from that were cheap I knew my grandmother would like.)
So everyone gets their drinks, food and we start eating and talking to each other and having a good time and everyone was done with their food.
I see the bill is like $330 I was like who ordered expensive stuff and my grandmother ordered basically the most expensive items on the menu. I asked her why she still ordered it and she said because “You can’t tell me what to do”. I was getting a headache from this and I just told her to pay the bill.
My grandfather tried to pay for her but I told him that she needed to pay.
Everyone left the place except for me and my grandparents and I told the waiter that she was paying for dinner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This story is weird.
Who waits 2 hours for people to show up at a restaurant? You could have had two or more courses in that time and paid the bill already. Who picks a restaurant and then tells people in very vague terms to not order expensive stuff because they are buying?
That sounds awkward; pick a restaurant with only inexpensive stuff next time. Why did you let your grandmother cover the entire bill instead of just her part? There’s no reason for that. Assuming this story is true, ESH but you need to learn some social manners and boundaries.” spamz_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, obviously, and this whole thing reads absurdly fake, but out of curiosity: how much more expensive was what she ordered supposed to have been than what everybody else ordered? We’re talking about dinner for at least seven people here (since “parents,” “siblings,” and “grandparents” are all plural in the OP).
It was never going to be dirt cheap. If you’re already planning to spend $300 to socialize with your family, is the extra $30 for more expensive menu options really going to break the bank?” MollyRolls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… Was this your way of offering to pay for dinner before you go off on your travels but then force a $330 bill down your grandparents’ throats AFTER your grandpa said he’d cover her part?
I get the part about your grandma but did you purposely insist that they pay THE WHOLE BILL? You took it too far…. cheapskate. Everyone done left and here you are at 29 making your grandparents pay for the WHOLE BILL????” lauraisabelgonzalez
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State the facts. You and your mother were constantly fighting and it has been escalating. Your mom tossed out the suggestion that maybe you should just go live with your dad, so yiur did. End of story. Then block everyone on that side of the family because you do not need toxic people in your life. Go and enjoy your life at dad's. Mom's financial situation is her own doing. Sounds lihe she was living above her means and supporting her upscale life with your child support
Too bad, so sad NOT