People Freak Out Over These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Distancing Myself From A Friend Who Prioritizes His Toxic Partner Over Our Friendship?
“So I (24M) am in a group with several other friends (ranging from 24-34). There’s one friend, Cam (26M) who always says he wants to hang out with us, but is very flaky.
He would say he would show up at a certain time, then be hours late or bail last minute; and every single time, the excuse always cycles back to his partner Ashley (34F). It’s always “Ashley needed this,” “Ashley wanted me to stay home,” “Ashley took away my car privileges.” Eventually, I realized what was going on and told Cam that Ashley is toxic and controlling, dictating his life.
Cam then broke down in my car, crying to me about how he feels so trapped. I told him that he needs to move out when his lease is up and break up with her.
But every time I tell him she is so controlling, he just makes excuses for her.
He always says she’s in a bad place and needs support, and I need to not be so judgey, but he will come to me all the time crying when he needs something (she’s locked him out of their place twice, and she gave away his spare key, and she gave away his car to her mom, so now he can’t travel).
Every single time I tell Cam that Ashley is toxic after he comes to me crying, the cycle repeats itself. Sometimes he ghosts me for weeks and months, only to demand later that I drop what I’m doing at the moment because Ashley is “finally letting” him talk to me again and “giving him those privileges back.” He then gets mad at me if I tell him I already have other plans and cannot go out with him.
For this reason, he has bailed on so many outings and big trips, all at the very last minute with little communication, all for her. After he bailed last time, I still went with the rest of my group and had a great time, and he complained to me about feeling excluded and how we shouldn’t turn our backs on him because he has to support Ashley.
I told him it’s nonsensical for him to bail all the time for Ashley, yet always come to me when he needs help because Ashley does it at the drop of a hat, and that I feel my time is never respected, and when I give him advice, he proceeds to give me the same argument, making me feel like I hit a rock wall.
Another friend, Anne (23F) says she’s surprised I’m even still trying with him and that I can’t help someone who can’t help themself. Well, I agreed and told Cam that I cannot count on him because of his frequent flaking and ghosting, and that if he refuses to listen to me, then I cannot do anything else to help him.
He said I need to be understanding and accommodating of him. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oof. I am Cam, post-breakup. As that friend, I understand needing support but also driving that support away. NTJ. You have every right to distance yourself. Now that I’m getting out of the situation with my Ashley, I would say your best course of action is to lower your contact, but if you do still care about him, check in on a schedule.
1x month get coffee and let him complain about her, or maybe every other Saturday you text/call literally saying “I want to check in and see how you’re doing.” Be there for them, but don’t be at their beck and call” Old_tshirt72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows what he needs to do, but he lacks the backbone to actually do it. Continue to let him know you’re there to help him when he finds his testes and gets out of that toxic relationship, but until then, you don’t have time for his constant complaining and flakiness.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would stop inviting him to the high-level planning stuff like trips. Let him know you’re on his side, but don’t let her behavior ruin your social life. Still invite him to casual outings and maybe one-on-one lunches or drinks. He’s in an abusive relationship, which might be hard for him to accept.
Keep reminding him that it’s not normal for her to treat him like this.” glyptodontown
21. AITJ For Letting My Friend’s No-Show Endanger My Post-Surgery Recovery?
“I’m recovering from surgery and not supposed to lift more than 10 lbs. This is essential to the story. Long back story. I’ve been wanting to get my house, driveway, and lanai power-washed for about nine months.
My best friend has a power washer, and when he heard me say I was going to get it done, he insisted he should do it as a favor. Sure! I love free stuff.
Nine months later, he still hasn’t done it. I kept asking, and he always had a reason he couldn’t do it and said he’d get back to me.
I stopped asking. It felt weird, but no biggie. I mean, just come do it. I don’t even need to be home. Last Friday, we had two huge trees removed, and he wanted to watch because he loves that kind of stuff. I was having the tree guys set aside logs for my fire pit.
My friend asked if he could have some for his fire pit. Sure, just supervise them and make sure you take them off my lawn when the tree guys are done and gone. He left and didn’t come back. I texted like crazy, and finally his wife said he got sick when he went home, but would be back in the morning.
On Saturday morning, he was still a no-show. He finally showed up and started to load the logs. I said I needed help getting the furniture off the lanai because the power washing guy was about to show up. He got really mad and said he’d told me he would do it.
However, we’re having a big, expensive project done, and those contractors said they needed it power-washed before they came. I had to get it done. Well, he moved the furniture and went back to loading logs.
The power washing guy shows up, and my friend leaves, with half the logs still on the front lawn.
He never comes back. I texted like crazy again. Four hours later, he texts back and says the logs are too big and he can’t do it. Then silence. I haven’t heard from him since, and his wife is not replying to me either now.
I had to move the furniture back inside because it was going to rain and my husband was out of state. I also had to get my hand truck and move the logs he left in the front to the pile in the back by myself.
No other friends were available on short notice to help.
I could have seriously hurt myself since I’m not supposed to lift more than 10 lbs, and thankfully, I was super careful and didn’t. I think this was spiteful and petty, and it could have caused me injury all over the fact that I didn’t let him do a favor that he had promised me 9 months ago and never did.
He’s obviously very angry, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband was out of state, and you organised a crew to power wash, without organising how the outdoor furniture was going to get moved. It’s NOTHING to do with this friend that you had to move the furniture back after the power wash was done.
That was purely down to your disorganisation. In fact, you didn’t organise how to get the furniture moved in the first place—you only asked this “friend” at the last minute! What would you have done if he couldn’t help you? Would you have cancelled the power wash guy at the last minute?
What is your husband’s role in all this? He was ok with you organising the power washing for exactly the same time that he was out of state with work? And he didn’t move the furniture before he left, knowing that your surgery meant you shouldn’t do it.
That just seems really odd. And YTJ for agreeing to let the friend take logs, then being upset he didn’t do it quickly, when you know him well, and you know he’s not reliable. And the logs were left on the lawn, which presumably did not need to be power washed, so it’s got NOTHING to do with the power washing story.
Most places, it’s easy to get rid of free firewood—you post in a local group online, and someone will be happy to collect it soon. Given you had agreed to let the tree guys leave wood for collection, and he didn’t collect it, I’m guessing it would have been easy enough for you to arrange a different collection, rather than do the lifting you were not meant to do.
Assuming you wanted to actually solve the problem without hurting yourself—which doesn’t seem to have been your priority!” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“Who was going to move the furniture before your friend happened to be there to get the logs? You’re mad you had to move it back, but you never had anyone lined up to help, which you said you clearly needed?
Also, leave the logs—lol, they didn’t need to be moved right away. Annoying that the “friend” left some, but based on the story, they could’ve sat there for a day or until someone else could help. Also, if anyone ever “texts me like crazy,” I would block them.
I get the feeling this story is very one-sided and possibly the slacker friend has a whole different point of view. ESH” Plus_Concern6650
20. AITJ For Suggesting My Orthodox In-Laws Ease Their Strict Kosher Rules?
“AITJ for suggesting that my Jewish orthodox in-laws compromise with us instead of having our family follow orthodox rules when we’re with them? My husband and SIL didn’t grow up orthodox.
But my SIL began the Orthodox lifestyle when she got married. Her husband grew up that way but wanted out as an adult. My SIL pulled him back into it. It affects everything, as they keep a kosher household, follow Shabbat rules every week, etc. While my husband and I are very non-religious, we should be able to have a “to each their own” attitude about this…
However, my SIL and BIL are inconsiderate, controlling, unyielding people who think that all of us should always accommodate them. Instead of them ever making compromises, it is all of us who have to. If we are eating, then everyone has to keep kosher. They forced us to have our wedding during a certain day/time of year for them.
They used our wedding to hit up our friends for synagogue donations, and they were awful when a family member passed away, demanding every detail of how we did the shiva, and were furious when someone came with a sandwich tray. It feels as though the whole family is held hostage to their beliefs, and my PIL will not do anything but enable them because they’re afraid of losing my SIL completely because she puts religion before family, and because my MIL has cancer, and her prognosis is not good.
Because my MIL is ill, our family is going on vacation in honor of her. During the vacation is my FIL’s birthday, so we want to take him out for dinner. This could be the last birthday he celebrates with his wife! Well, my SIL and BIL said that they’d be upset if we went to a regular restaurant, even though they admitted there were only a couple kosher restaurants around, and to quote my SIL, “there aren’t any nice kosher restaurants.” My BIL then decided for all of us that we’d eat at a “cheap” kosher place, and that we would eat meat, not dairy.
Then because they cannot travel during Shabbat, they’re getting there later than the rest of us. They said that they expect all of us to sit and wait for their arrival late afternoon, but we can grocery shop for them in the meantime…
We’re angry because we feel that his sister and BIL are being selfish and inflexible.
They keep trying to guilt their parents into making decisions that benefit their lifestyle at the expense of the rest of us, which far outnumber them. My husband and I started speaking up because this is perhaps someone’s last trip ever, and my SIL and BIL are making this so stressful.
We tried offering options such as calling the restaurant to provide kosher options (which they do), or having my SIL and BIL have drinks there, and then we can celebrate with a kosher cake later on. But they were angry. They left the groupchat after complaining about the quality of kosher food the regular restaurant would have, and proposed that one of us cook for my FIL instead.
AITJ for feeling that they’re being selfish about this trip? Or should the rest of us be completely accommodating for them just to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bottom line, they’re kosher, the rest of you are not. It’s that simple. If they want to make sacrifices in the name of their beliefs, that is admirable, but they are not allowed to force their beliefs on other people.
In my opinion, you should do as you and your parents-in-law want. If those two want to come along, they are welcome. If they don’t want to come, then that is also their choice. No one is making them come, no one is making them stay.
You want to really hit home on them? Tell them they’re acting like Christians. American Christians.” Edymnion
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, but it’s obvious that this has gone on way too long, and it’s kind of partially your MIL/FIL’s fault, because they are allowing SIL to hold the rest of the family hostage.
The easiest solution would be for SIL and her husband to do their own things on their own time, their own way with the MIL/FIL, and the rest of you absolutely stop accommodating them on plans that the rest of you make. But I’m guessing if it was that easy, y’all would be doing that already.
The parents need to stop allowing themselves to be guilted.” andromache97
19. AITJ For Telling My Dad I'm Changing My Last Name?
“I (20M) was visiting my dad’s (46M) house (really his partner’s house, but I digress); we’ll call him Adam.
It was just a short visit. My grandma had sent him something for me, and I was just swinging by to pick it up.
Anyway, we were chatting a little bit before I left, and they asked if I would be going to Canada soon (where my partner lives).
I told them I was aiming for April, but I had to wait for my name change to be finalized before applying for a new passport.
For context, I’m trans. He’s known me for years and has been relatively accepting, if not a little bit of a jerk.
I asked him four years ago (when I was 16) to sign the paperwork to get my name changed. At that time, I told him I wanted to change my first name as well as my last name from Jenson (not actually) to Jefferson (also a fake name).
He flat-out denied it and told me that I could do it without his participation. I’d also like to note that he had told me on several occasions before that he didn’t care what my last name was because I would be “marrying it off” anyway.
Jefferson is my mom’s, sister’s, and stepdad’s last name. My stepdad (let’s call him Jack) has been with the family since I was a baby and took on a much larger role in raising me than Adam ever did, as much as Adam likes to tell me otherwise.
As far as my transition goes, Jack has been super accepting and generally much more supportive, even going so far as to pay for my background checks for my name change. Adam has always been bitter towards Jack for reasons I don’t actually know, perhaps due to jealousy or something.
Anyway, upon hearing that I was finally getting my name changed, Adam asked what I was changing it to. I told him the first name (the same one he’s been calling me for years), and then he asked if I was changing my last name.
When I said yes, he asked to what, and obviously I said Jefferson. His partner, who is sitting on the couch next to him, just says, “That’s sad,” which is wild to me, seeing as she is also a stepmom—not to me, but to her ex-husband’s daughter.
He gets red in the face but doesn’t say anything. I tried to remind him of what he had told me before, and he interrupted me with, “I’ve never said that. Get out,” and I left.
It’s been a little over a week, and I still haven’t heard from him, which honestly doesn’t bug me that much; however, his partner is my boss (a much longer, more complicated story), and I’m dreading my next shift with her.
She’s a super sweet lady, and I really like her, but we don’t tend to agree on topics pertaining to my transition or Adam. Not in a disrespectful way, but in a somewhat undereducated manner. Regardless, I really don’t want her to try to tell me how much I’ve hurt his feelings and that I should try to make things right with him.
Long story short, I think I might be the jerk for telling him so bluntly, but maybe not, because he knew it was going to happen for years and he asked.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are perfectly within your rights to change both your first and last names.
And I’m sorry to hear your dad was not always supportive of your transition, but I can understand that your father feels hurt about this, and he has every right to feel this way. It probably feels like you would rather be your stepdad’s child than his.
So this will affect your relationship with him. That said, if Jack feels more like a dad to you, this can also be a wonderful way to honor that relationship.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m less concerned about how Adam feels and more concerned about his partner being your boss.
Regardless of how she feels about your transition and name change, she has absolutely no right to bring that into the workplace. If she brings any of it up again, shut it down immediately. There’s a line between personal and professional relationships, and she’s crossing it.
You can ask her respectfully to refrain from talking about your personal life at work, stating that it makes you uncomfortable and that it’s no one else’s business if someone overhears. I don’t know if there’s an HR department where you work, but she could be violating some serious rules.” Major_Zucchini5315
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, for this specific situation. You have every right to change your name if that’s what you want and feel is right, but it’s understandable that your father is upset that you want to get rid of his last name; aside from your transition, it’s a rejection of him.
He doesn’t sound like a good parent, so in general, he is probably a jerk.” Infinite_Slide_5921
18. AITJ For Reaching Out Repeatedly To A Friend Who Needed Space?
“My (26F) friend (25F) moved to Korea with her military spouse last year. We met in college, were roommates during the health crisis, and used to keep in contact pretty frequently. The move overseas was very hard for her. She’s on a military base in a foreign country, doesn’t speak the language, her spouse is gone on training missions for weeks at a time, and she doesn’t know anyone over there.
After being there for a few months, my friend began feeling ill and started going to doctors to see what was wrong. It was at this time she fell off completely, going from multiple snaps/texts every day to absolute radio silence.
Initially, I assumed she was busy, that the time difference made it hard, or that she had a lot going on and wasn’t up for reaching out.
It wasn’t until 5 months of no replies that I started to think something might actually be wrong, either with her health or between us. I was growing concerned, but I withheld asking her because I tend to overthink. I couldn’t think of anything that happened between us, so I chose to believe that wasn’t it.
At 6 months, I texted to make sure everything was alright. No response. In retrospect, I should’ve left it there, and maybe I’m the jerk for continuing to reach out. But I didn’t want to abandon a friend that I knew was struggling.
A few days ago, I reached out again with a similar sentiment, adding that I was worried that either something had happened or that she was mad at me.
Last night, after almost 8 months of not hearing from her, my friend texted me back and she.
Is. Upset. She says I’m “hounding her in an attempt to twist her arm and get her to respond in a time and manner that I demand” and that I’m tracking her activity online to throw in her face as a “gotcha” moment.
She says I’m taking it personally and making it all about me. She says she’s “enduring great hardships” and wants her space, which I can appreciate, but says if this is how I treat a friend who is suffering, then she wants no part in it and has no tolerance for my behavior.
I’m stunned. I’m giving it time to process and say the right thing, if anything at all. I never expected her to reply right away. A quick “hey, I’ve been going through it. I just need space rn” anytime in the last 7 months would’ve been fine.
But instead, I’ve been imagining my friend sick and alone, navigating a foreign country that she was already struggling with while healthy. Maybe it’s none of my business, but I kept reaching out just so she knew someone was here thinking about her and wishing her well.
And to be honest, things have been hard for me too. Maybe not as hard, but there were times I wished I could have reached out to my friend to talk and catch up. It sucks that my reaching out was read with such ill intent.
I’m worried I’ve ruined this friendship by pestering her and worrying about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I mean if all is as you say (Were you tracking her online? What makes her say you’re making this all about you?) just a quick response then leave it alone.
‘OK, that’s fine….but you know that with you not responding at all in the last 7 months, I have no idea what you’re thinking or going through. I’m sorry you feel I’m hounding you, just reaching out to see if a friend is ok. If you ever want to talk, let me know.’ Then that’s it.
You’re not engaging or asking for her to respond at all…. but leaving the ball in her court (if you’re interested in doing so).” LiveKindly01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what you were describing, I thought she was dead, in a coma, in the hospital, or the victim of DV.
Speaking of which, did this response sound out of character? Like…a man wrote it? Either she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, or she may be the victim of DV. If it’s the latter, I don’t think you can do anything at this time, because you have no evidence that this was not her.
Do not reply or reach out again, but don’t block her on social media. See if she posts any current photos. If so, then at least she’s alive. You sound like a good friend who was worried about her.” Shdfx1
Another User Comments:
“Reserving judgement, because I need more information, like what was the tone of the messages you sent, and how many did you send? If you got demanding or threatening (I’m going to stop trying/Our friendship is over), then YTJ. Either way, it sounds like you need to acknowledge her note, let her know you’ll be here if she decides to reach out, and then never reach out again.
Either she realizes she overstepped and apologizes, or, for whatever reason, she has decided your friendship is over and you need to accept that, as difficult as it might be.” NotaSeaBazz
17. AITJ For Demanding Answers When My Daughter Refused To Reveal Her Friend's Whereabouts?
“My daughter, “Annie” (20) has a friend, “Ophelia” (20). Ophelia has a complicated relationship with her parents.
As I’ve known her family for 6 years, I’ve heard both sides. Her mom has admitted they were not always the best parents. I also know that Ophelia was not an easy child, which both she and her parents admit her parents allowed to go on out of guilt due to the mistakes they made, and which Ophelia took advantage of.
She brought out some less-than-desirable behaviors in Annie at certain points, and I’d have to remind my daughter that she isn’t her friend and that behavior won’t be tolerated in our home.
Annie still lives at home with me and her dad while she goes to college.
Ophelia left home at 18 and moved to a city about an hour away. However, every Wednesday, she takes a train back to our city, has dinner with her parents, and then links up with Annie for a bit before heading back to her apartment.
Yesterday, I got a panicked call from Ophelia’s mom.
Ophelia didn’t get off the train she was supposed to be on, wasn’t answering her cell phone, and didn’t get off any other trains that followed. I went to Annie’s room and asked if she had heard from Ophelia. She asked why, and I explained the situation.
Annie asked me to leave the room, phoned Ophelia, and, when she hung up, told me that she wasn’t giving me any information. I told her that her mom is worried sick. Annie said it’s none of Ophelia’s mom’s business where she is, and she’s not going to tell me.
I told her that Ophelia could be in trouble. Annie said she’s not; she’s an adult. I told her I was very disappointed in her and left the room. I told Ophelia’s mom that I don’t know the whole story, but it seems like Ophelia is safe, which calmed her down some.
Later on, Annie told me that Ophelia said that her mom knew she wasn’t coming home this week. I said that Ophelia’s mom wouldn’t be in such a tizzy if that were true, and I pointed out that Ophelia has lied in the past. Annie told me I was ridiculous and put her in a tough spot.
I told her that when she’s a mom, she’ll understand. My husband thinks I overstepped and shouldn’t have gotten involved. I said I’d be scared if one of our kids just didn’t come home one night. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmmmmm so like. I think YTJ but only because of shaming your daughter for not giving you more details when pressed. Both your daughter and Ophelia are technically adults. Your daughter was trying to be a good friend and respect Ophelia’s privacy, and yes, she deserves privacy even from her parents.
Your daughter confirmed Ophelia was alive and not in trouble. You’ll just kinda have to trust her judgment. Aside from that, I think it’s fine you tried to help a friend at least find out if her daughter is okay, and it comes from the right place.” Catracas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were okay when you asked your daughter to check and see if she was alright, because at that point, all you knew was that she had missed an agreed-on meeting. But once your daughter assured you that she was safe, you should have left it at that.
Ophelia is an adult, and can decide for herself how much she shares with her mother, or if she shares anything at all.” ca77ywumpus
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Ophelia is an adult – and while I’d be upset if one of my kids just didn’t show up, it also sounds like Ophelia and her parents have a rocky relationship that the mom put you and your child in the middle of.
I don’t think you overstepped by asking if Annie could get ahold of her, but I do think you crossed a line when you started demanding info. Ophelia and her parents need to work out their own crap and stop involving her friends and their family.
You and your child are not her keeper, and while I’m sure the mom was thankful to know her child was safe, you pushed on your own kid and called her friend an irresponsible liar. I’d be scared if one of our kids just didn’t come home one night.
Ophelia doesn’t live at home. She just didn’t show up for a planned dinner. Perhaps they were fighting, which is what it sounds like based on Annie’s response. She didn’t “not come home;” she didn’t show up for a planned dinner. Very different.” Discount_Mithral
16. AITJ For Challenging My Stepdad's Unfair And Exploitative Work Demands?
“I’m a 22-year-old automotive mechanic working for my step-dad. I live with him, my mom, and my two younger sisters (18 and 3). I’m trying to save money to move out and live with my partner in another country.
Here’s the background: I was recently laid off for a week (without notice), which put a strain on my finances.
The engine swap I did was a relatively quick job. However, my step-dad frequently asks me to help with other vehicles and tasks while I’m working on my assigned car. This includes things like picking up other vehicles, doing diagnostics on extra cars, making calls, accounting, translations, and even general errands.
While I don’t mind helping, it’s a constant distraction that slows me down and sometimes leads to mistakes (like forgetting the oil pan gasket, which caused the return trip).
My argument is that it’s unfair to only pay me $100 for the week. The warranty issue was a small oversight on my part, and the engine itself is running perfectly.
The bigger issue is that the job took longer because of the constant interruptions and extra tasks he gives me. He also included other non-warranty work, like picking up another vehicle and doing diagnostic checks on other cars, in that $100 calculation. Furthermore, I had no warning about the change in pay structure until after the week was complete.
Currently, I get paid $80 per day, five days a week, from 10 am to anywhere between 5 pm to 9 pm (no overtime pay). He justifies this by saying I’m paying for services at the house (his house). He also currently owes me $300 for a phone I gave him in early January, which he hasn’t paid back.
He often doesn’t pay me on time, sometimes taking days or even over a week to pay me for a week’s work. A few weeks back, he paid me for two weeks of work, but part of one week’s pay was missing, along with the money for the phone.
The unexpected week off without pay really hurt my finances. This week, he gave me $300, claiming it included the missing pay and the $100 for this week, and that he has no money for the phone, even though he spends money on non-work-related items.
Adding to this, about a year and a half ago, when I was in a vulnerable position after losing a previous job, he threatened that my sister and I would have to leave the house if we didn’t like how things were done.
While I’m willing to contribute financially and help around the house, there’s no transparency about how the money I earn is being used, or what I’m actually paying for. The threat of being kicked out, combined with the low pay ($80/day) for the amount of work I do (including jobs he charges $300-$2000 for), feels completely unfair.
I feel conflicted about taking action against my family, but my own sense of right and wrong tells me this situation isn’t right. I’ve also discussed this with friends, my therapist, my partner, and even a coworker, and they all agree that I’m being exploited. I’m scared of being kicked out and left without a job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re being immensely exploited. Good mechanics are in high demand. Search for another job – but don’t quit your current job until you’ve found a new one. When you go on interviews, tell the hiring manager the reason you’re looking for a new job is because you work for your stepfather & because you’re his stepson, he only pays you 1/4 of what he pays his other mechanics.
This will keep them from calling him for a reference. Be prepared to show them what you can do as part of the interview. If the timing coincides, tell your stepfather you’re quitting the day you receive your paycheck. If it doesn’t coincide, give him 1 day’s notice.
If your stepfather starts grumbling about kicking you out – let him know that the way he’s been paying you is illegal (not compensating you for all time worked) & you have no qualms about contacting the State Labor Department & advising them they need to do an audit of his business.
Tell him you agree to pay $125/month for rent – nothing more. TBH – where they spend that money isn’t really your business. It’s a transaction between a renter & a landlord – nothing more.” Ok_Landscape_9395
Another User Comments:
“Can you discuss it with your mom first?
Any friends you can stay with? He’s massively taking advantage of you, and lacking any clarity at all, like a set amount you pay towards utilities, maybe a small amount of rent. But you need to look for another job, fast. I’m assuming you’re working under the table/off the books, so you have no legal recourse.
If your mother goes along with what he’s doing, they’re both jerks, and you HAVE to get out of there.” Potential_Narwhal122
Another User Comments:
“Get a job at another shop. Where I live, shops are desperate for mechanics. You may need to crash at a friend’s house for a month or two.
Or leave your mailing address there and camp out somewhere. But this isn’t going to change. When your FIL pulls you off your job to run errands, refuse. Tell him you want in writing that he will pay you $20 per hour to run them. Log everything and keep a backup copy.
Also, talk to your States’ Labor Commission. I’m sure your FIL is breaking all sorts of laws. Report him after you quit and have your affairs in order.” ihate_snowandwinter
15. AITJ For Screaming At My Dad For Taking My Toys?
“I (21F) have a toy collection. I work while I study, and that gives me the freedom to buy things outside of my necessities, but I still live with them since it would be expensive for all of us if I moved out.
My “toys” were 20 die-cast car models and two Formula One models. None of them are that rare to find, but I find pleasure in seeing them stack up on each other on display in my room. Last year, my partner gifted me an RC F1 Ferrari car for my birthday because she knew I loved F1 and Ferrari itself.
The RC car was pretty big, and it had a smaller counterpart in my room too.
During a small renovation in our home, I had to bring my things out into the living room. My dad saw the RC F1 car and asked why I had it, and said that I should give it away to one of the younger kids since it would be a nice gift. He sounded like he was joking, so I laughed and told him no, and that it was my partner’s gift to me.
But then he pushed it, saying that it wasn’t appropriate for a grown woman to have car toys. I told him it wasn’t his business, but if he wanted to, we could buy them a gift. He left me alone after that.
The second was when he saw me reorganizing my room.
The smaller-scale cars were on display on my desk, while the RC car was on top of my dresser. My room is pretty small, so I make do with the space. He looked at the smaller cars and asked when I got them. I told him I’d been collecting since 2023 and that they weren’t bought all at once, since some of them were bought from social media Marketplace.
He huffed that the toys should be given to the younger kids, and I told him that I would not do that since it was my collection. I told him that I’m more than happy to buy them, but not the ones I have. We went back and forth until he got annoyed and left.
This morning, I came back to my room to get some of my smaller cars taken from the desk on which I had displayed them. There were six cars missing from my desk. The smaller F1 model was missing too. I rushed back to the living room to see him opening the display boxes while he was video-calling a cousin with some of the cars.
He was bragging that it was his birthday gift.
I waited for the call to end before snatching all the cars and marching back to my room. He snapped at me for being ‘spoiled’ and ‘selfish’ and for acting like a child. I ignored him and double-checked if I had all the cars.
After I did, I stayed in my room and tried to calm myself down. I heard him and my mother fighting over what I had just done, with him telling her that she was raising an ungrateful jerk. That’s when I ran back to the living room and screamed back at him.
He has no right to yell and berate my mother for the attitude I inherited from him. He was stunned, and he left shortly after. My mother told me that I should not have done that, but I only told her that I did it so he would stop shouting at everyone.
AITJ for screaming at my dad because of my toys?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Put a lock on your bedroom door, sit down, and talk to your parents about the mutually beneficial part of this arrangement. Point out that it’s never okay for someone to take someone else’s property.
You’re not keeping anything illegal in their house, but you’re starting to get the impression that maybe this arrangement isn’t very mutually beneficial after all. Ask them flat out if they want you to move out.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your dad think that, instead of toy cars, you should be collecting dolls?
Shoes? Antique teacups? I’m surprised he accepts you’re not straight, since a woman’s only purpose is to produce offspring. /s Signed, an almost senior citizen (F) who recently discovered Lego.” CheeseMakingMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re acting spoiled and selfish for wanting to keep the things you own?
He is spoiled and selfish for trying to take things that don’t belong to him. He is acting spoiled, selfish, and criminal, because he was stealing them. TBH, good work keeping calm while he was on video chat. I would have given him an earful about stealing your stuff in front of whoever he was talking to.” Remarkable_Dust3450
14. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday My Way Despite My Mom's Expectations?
“So today is my (trans m29) birthday. Before I share what happened, let me give you background. My mom is a psychiatrist. I always enjoyed celebrating it, but between the ages of 13 and 18 my excitement and expectations decreased significantly due to my parents’ nasty divorce that created a bad atmosphere while growing up.
Instead, it became a day full of stress. We never went to places I wanted to eat since my younger sister (8 years difference) protested, and my mom would say to choose something for everyone, not only for me, as she wouldn’t eat. Somehow, it always ended with her yelling, my sister being a brat, and me trying to keep the peace, as I would be the one who got punished as the older one.
I started to physically get sick when my birthday approached, and it had gotten to a point when I started celebrating it in October. Now, after dating my partner for 2 years, I finally told him about my fears regarding my birthday and my fear of disappointment.
My partner assured me that he would plan something and that we would celebrate together. Sadly, we had to reschedule after a long talk.
So after our time together in the morning, I took a nap and decided I felt okay and would like to try celebrating.
I texted my mom back and told her I’ll be at her place around 15. She likes to go to sleep between 18 and 20, so I thought it was enough time. After coming inside, all seemed well until she said she’d go boil pasta for me, as she had made pasta sauce with vegetables.
After consideration, I asked her if we could go out together to eat.
She just lost it. She started to yell about how selfish and inconsiderate I am for her, how I never think of helping her out, and that I sit in the chair she prefers.
I know she’s old (I have a connective tissue disorder and my cartilages slide out of place; that chair is really nice, but I only sit there if she’s not there because she prefers it). I’m always late, and it’s disrespectful to her. She yelled about how I expect support but never offer it to her or celebrate her birthday (both lies), how selfish I was for not wanting my partner to go to work, and how she could have gone out with her friend today, but instead she made me pasta.
She said that she knows I tend to have false memories, which almost made me experience a full-blown panic attack, as she used to gaslight me that way when I was a child, and I started not to distinguish reality from my own thoughts. During this, I’m not yelling; I’m teary-eyed, but I take deep breaths and wipe away tears.
I tried to explain my point of view and even said I don’t want to fight, but she expects me to do everything the way she prefers. I apologized for not realizing I hurt her feelings by not wanting to eat straight away and by asking to go out.
That didn’t go anywhere. Instead, she said she’s cold and is going to wash her hair while I can do whatever the screw I want. Now she’s in the shower and I can hear her crying.
I talked to my partner for a bit to calm down, and he says I did nothing wrong.
But I don’t know. I could have set the hour firmly for when to come, as she wanted. But I didn’t know if I would even want to go out. I just don’t know if I’m as selfish as she says.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are not selfish. This is an overreaction from your mother. She could have just said that she’d made you a meal and she’d like to stay in to eat with you. Instead, she blew up at you and hid in the bathroom. I’d take a break from her and go spend time with people who treat you with kindness and respect.” mmecleocat
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You are 29. That is an age where you establish your own birthday plans. If you wanted to go out to dinner with your mom, you should have planned that. It is jerk-like to change dinner plans while someone is already in the process of making a special dinner for you.
That said, your mother is clearly a jerk too. I think it is pretty obvious why.” Impossible_Rain_4727
13. AITJ For Ditching The Caretaker Role And Pursuing My Own Life?
“Two years ago, I was in a long-term relationship, about to graduate from college, when my sister (now 21F) asked me to swap places with her as our grandfather’s (76M) pseudo-caretaker.
She wanted the chance to explore life, just as I had when I left for college. I hesitated—our hometown is rural, and as a more effeminate gay man, I worried about my safety. But I also felt guilty about the opportunities I had that she didn’t.
I discussed it with my then-partner (26M), who was ecstatic. He had always wanted to live “in the middle of nowhere, away from people.” He assured me it was my decision, but was more than willing to move and help with caregiving. The financial benefits—no rent or major bills—also appealed to me, so I agreed. At the time, it seemed like a fair trade: my sister got to experience life, my partner got the isolation he craved, and I had a safety net while figuring out my post-grad career.
I agreed to move in with my grandfather, and my sister left. The transition was rough. Despite having a Finance degree, I received over 300 job rejections. My partner’s long commute drained our finances, and he eventually quit his job, leaving me to pick up a service industry role to support us.
My savings vanished. I encouraged him to pursue vocational training, but he was bullied out of school for being gay, and the administration dismissed it with a “life sucks” attitude. He became completely financially dependent on me, which created resentment. While he handled some errands and drove my grandfather to cancer treatments, he put minimal effort into finding work.
After nearly a year of this, our relationship soured, and we broke up.
Now, I live alone with my grandfather, taking on every responsibility—appointments, errands, housework. I love him, but he sees me as an errand boy. My late grandmother babied him, so he’s never done chores or cooked (he can cook simple meals for himself now), and despite multiple conversations, he refuses to stop smoking in the house.
I constantly smell like smoke. He calls me throughout the day for minor tasks, and I can’t come home from work without running errands first. Setting boundaries never lasts, and I feel suffocated. My mother brushes off my frustration when I bring up leaving, treating it as if I’m just venting rather than serious.
However, I have an escape plan. I have a job interview in a city three hours away, and I’m working with a group of artists on a collaborative show that could open doors in that same city. I’ve been using my rent-free situation to save for a down payment on a modest home, and I’m almost there.
The thought of finally reclaiming my life is both thrilling and terrifying. I know leaving would force my family to step up, but at this point, WIBTJ for putting myself first?”
Another User Comments:
“You have the right to change your mind. You aren’t obligated to take care of your grandfather for the rest of his life.
There are medical programs that can assist with in-home care. I would highly recommend getting professional help through his medical insurance/Medicare. Are you willing to sacrifice 5, 10, 20+ years of your life to take care of him? It can become too much being the sole person responsible for taking care of another person, even if they are family.
You are NTJ.” fitandstrong0926
Another User Comments:
“Where are his children? This is their problem to figure out. Get the job, and the house. Then move. The day you actually move, tell your mother you are finally leaving. They need to figure out care for Grandpa.
You start a new job in two days. (No matter how many days until your actual first day.) This keeps them from guilting you into staying. Anyone who tells you you can’t leave, block and do not speak to them for at least a month.
You are too young to give up your life for him.” Fickle_Toe1724
12. AITJ For Getting Mad At Partner's Grandma For Keeping My Baby Clothes?
“My partner is building and has been pretty much finished with our home that we have been living in. Like an apartment, we don’t have a septic system or water hooked up yet, but we have facilities to wash dishes, flush the toilet (into a tote that gets emptied), and wash our hands, etc. Essentially, what I’m saying is we don’t shower at home; we shower at his grandma’s house, which also means we don’t wash our clothes here (we have a shower installed, but we just don’t have the drain plumbing done).
We also have a washer and dryer, but we don’t have water set up for the washer yet.
Anyways, I’m 36 weeks pregnant. I got gifted (a lot) and bought some clothes for the baby girl we are expecting in early March. Anyways, I also got gifted some Dreft laundry soap, so I asked my partner’s grandma if she would wash the baby clothes for me, and she was more than happy to do so.
I sorted through the clothes I did and didn’t want, and there was a lot that I chose to donate. But there were about two medium-sized bins full of clothes. (Normally, I do not ask people to do things for me because I don’t like them holding it over my head) but I know she wants to feel involved.
So basically, I went over today to get the laundry and take a shower. Her grandma is selective about how she uses her washer, which is fine. She sorted through them and only washed the infant clothes and folded those up, which was really cool of her not to deny that.
She said that she enjoyed folding all the baby stuff. But I noticed only one bin, so I said, “That’s all of it? I’m surprised it all fits in there,” and she goes, “No, that’s not all of it.” So I asked, “Where?
Oh, that’s fine. Where’s the rest?” She said, “Folded up in drawers.” I said, “Here?” She was like, “Well, yeah, you don’t need the toddler clothes right now; I figured you didn’t have enough room for them.” This is when I was like, “Oh, I was just expecting to get them all back,” and my partner started hugging her goodbye, etc., and he goes, “Oh, she’s just being unappreciative,” and that’s when I really got upset.
Because, first of all, I’m NOT unappreciative. Second, I don’t understand why I would bring the clothes over here to get washed if I didn’t want them back. Third, no room? How did they all fit inside our house before I gave them to her, and they literally fit inside bins?
Fourth, she didn’t ask to keep them? A simple text to confirm that was okay is cool?
When my partner goes out to warm up the car, she tells me, “You know you’re lucky because some people don’t have as many clothes as you have for your baby,” and I’m just thinking, what in the world does that have to do with you giving me my property?
I get that she was thinking that she was helping out, but who thinks they can just keep things that aren’t theirs? Am I overreacting? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s overstepping. That’s also why I prefer that people don’t do anything for me, because they’ll start doing unnecessary things and wonder why I’m “ungrateful.” I’d prefer if you just did what was agreed and not add anything extra.
When you expressed that you wanted them, she should’ve gone to get them. It’s not negotiable just because you washed some clothes.” Ocean682
Another User Comments:
“I mean, yes, they are your clothes, yes, you have a right to get them back. Has she refused to get them back?
We have your side of things. But your partner saying you were unappreciative tells me that maybe the other side is that you overreacted to the grandma having put the clothes away, which she did to help. I mean, she’s not going to wear the clothes herself, right?
What do you think she’s going to do with them? Her comment also seems to suggest your reaction was stronger than what you have described. If you want to keep your toddler’s clothes in your drawers, just tell her and do that. Why all this drama?
It sounds to me like YTJ.” TomDoniphona
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think either one of you are the jerk. Figured she was doing you a favor thinking they were clothes that were too big to fit a newborn baby. Plus, she probably wants to keep some clothes over there because you do go there to take showers and you’re not sure when your house is going to be done.
I wouldn’t get upset over it. She’s not keeping them from you. They’re in the house. It’s not like she sold them. Tell her you’re sorry; pregnancy brain is crazy. Good luck with your baby.” Twodogsandadaughter
11. AITJ For Blaming My Sister For Not Doing Her Share Of Chores?
“I (19F) live at home with my sister (20F) and mom (55F).
At home, we have five pets; our house is small, but it does have three floors.
My mom works five days a week. She spends most of her time on her days off, getting extra work done. My sister and I work two days a week; family rules dictate we can’t work more during the semester in order to prioritize our studies.
The other five days, we both have classes. All of my classes are in person, while all of my sister’s classes are online. I also have doctor’s appointments throughout the week.
My sister and I have equal responsibilities in the house. We must take care of the pets, clean what needs to be cleaned, etc. It’s basic stuff.
The problem is that I’m the only one who gets the job done. When I get home from class (four hours after my sister gets up), I have to turn off the lights and open all the curtains. The same goes for walking and feeding the animals, cleaning dishes, and cleaning the other rooms in the house.
I do it all every single day.
My sister has accepted that if she doesn’t do stuff, then I’ll just do it and I won’t say anything about it. The alternative is that if I don’t get the stuff done, then both of us get in trouble.
Today, our mom gave both of us the task of replacing the kitty litter. I spent the day studying and it completely slipped my mind. I fully admit that I did not do it. When she got home, she was frustrated with us for not having the job done.
In a moment of irritation, I yelled and said, “Maybe if [sister’s name] helped out for once, stuff could get done.” My mom asked me to explain what I meant, so I told her about having to do all the jobs by myself on top of everything I had on my own.
This, of course, got my sister in a lot of trouble.
I feel justified in not giving my sister credit because she really has not given any help. But my sister is calling me a jerk because I should have just let the lecture end without mentioning her lack of help.
Instead, she got chewed out, which didn’t help her mood since she was having a hard time with her partner breaking up with her.
So I don’t know. Am I the jerk for not giving my sister credit for me getting tasks done around the house without her help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is just mad she got caught. You shouldn’t need to do all the chores AND get in trouble when you can’t keep up with everything.” FlaxFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has been taking advantage of you.
It’s time she faced the music, and you were right to address it. Perhaps your mom should delegate specific tasks to each of you so you’re not taken advantage of again and your sister can be held more accountable.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Here is why I think what you did was okay: My oldest sister is ahead of me by five years. When I was 13 or so, we shared a room, yet again, and when it came time to clean it, I would be tidying up while she would be lying on the bed, reading and picking at her face instead of picking up her messes.
And if the room didn’t get clean, I got the lecture. I tried telling Mom that sis was not doing anything, but to no avail. I am almost 70, and I still feel a burn over this and other behaviors she pulled on me. She and I are not the best of friends; I do love her, but I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy toward her, which is a shame because otherwise, we are quite similar.
Long story short, I hear you loud and clear. She needs to be responsible for her share of the work. Maybe ask your mom for defined chores so she can see you are doing yours, and let sis get lectured when she misses hers. And you are a star for helping your mom, even when your sis is being a lazy jerk.” Candid-Sense-7523
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother's Extreme Carnivore Claims?
“My older brother and I (36m and 28m) have had a rocky relationship over the last few years or so.
Both of us have comorbid mental disorders that we struggle with. I work in the medical field and talk regularly to highly educated doctors and pathologists, but my personal credentials are just support staff. That said, I continue my education regularly, have a working knowledge of anatomy, and have completed some nursing school as well.
My brother seems to regularly fall into traps where he tackles huge projects he never finishes, i.e. building his own tiny home without pursuing any of the skills it takes to make it happen, starting a food truck without looking into becoming a line cook first or obtaining food-safe certifications, and these are just a couple of dreams he’s had over the last 12 years.
He was talking to me about how the carnivore diet is amazing and how “plant materials carry mycotoxins and cause you to produce toxic gas. It also helps people with diabetes and can be curative for all kinds of conditions.” This was absolutely wild to me because he started sending studies performed on rats as if that were credible and actionable research.
I stopped him and just said, “You fell down the wrong rabbit hole.” I explained that the best general recommendation is to stick to a diet you can adhere to and to focus on eating minimally processed whole foods. I also stated that restrictive dieting is the biggest contributor to falling off a plan and that the carnivore diet, being one of the most restrictive, challenges a high level of executive functioning.
He understandably starts to get defensive. He begins to share more scientific articles, citing small areas that support his claims. He’s also sprinkling in how big pharma and farmers want you to be sick, which is why it’s just easier to eat only meat, and he explains how he saw individuals benefit from this.
He says I’m ignoring those experiences and that really, the carnivore diet is the way to “stop the cycle of this capitalist mess.” I stopped him for a second and reiterated that I wasn’t trying to personally attack him; it’s just that my experience and knowledge have pointed me in different directions.
He immediately pivots to a more, “Hey, thanks for dealing with my spiciness. I do get spicy sometimes.” In a way, he was trying to diffuse the situation, I guess.
What really irks me is not any of this, really. I admit that I don’t have the education to claim which processes in the body support specific diets or to explain the individual effects on various systems. What bugs me is that he talks to my mom, with whom I’m very close and who he’s just reconnecting with, and she says, “I have to limit my relationship with him; he’s too far gone.” She’s a nurse and challenges his ideas, too, and now he’s basically gone no contact except for a few video games we play about once a month.
So, was I the jerk in my approach?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should talk to a doctor and/or nutritionist before making extreme diet changes. I would have called someone out on that, too. He will be surprised to learn that the meat industry is incredibly exploitative and is a pinnacle of capitalism.
Red meat is well known to be a huge factor in heart disease and other health problems. Ironically, the meat industry lobbies heavily with big pharma. He definitely fell down the wrong rabbit hole.” DangerousBathroom420
9. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize For Alleged Bullying Of My Sibling?
“I (19F) am in my first year of college. I’m an out-of-state student, and in the entirety of the fall semester, I saw my family twice (once when they came to town for my sibling’s band contest, and then again for Thanksgiving).
I went home for winter break in early December and was immediately faced with aggression from my sibling. We’ll call them Reece (15NB). I got home, got given the cold shoulder by my sibling immediately, and when I asked what the problem was, Reece snapped that I was the problem and that I “made everything worse.” This was in the car with our mother (who did not interfere or say anything), and it was so out of nowhere that I was stunned. We have had issues in the past (notably, Reece has said that they don’t feel safe around me, and then immediately asked our mom for a pocket knife), but we haven’t had any major conflicts in years and had just been getting along great three weeks earlier at Thanksgiving.
The next day, I cornered my Dad in the garage and gave him a rundown. I will admit that maybe I got a bit worked up (nothing beyond a few tears, no yelling). I told him that it was exhausting to come home and immediately get told that I make everything worse.
I told him that I really did not want to come home in the summer if this was something that they allowed. He said he would talk to my mom about it and asked if I would be willing to talk about it with Reece.
I said yes.
Reece accused me of bullying them. This is news to me. Sure: I was a stupid kid, and probably was not the most mindful of age-appropriate activities for them (we have a four-year gap, but we do have a brother (Ben, 17M), who is pretty much exactly in the middle of us, so games and activities were usually geared towards older kids).
I’m sure there was probably something mean that happened at some point, but Reece is accusing me of purposeful malice. They say that I was “abusive” and that they still feel unsafe near me. I have absolutely no recollection of this, or anything that could even maybe be classified as that, and I’m absolutely gutted that it’s even on the table or being considered. I absolutely understand that harm does not need to be intended to be harm, but the harm that Reece says that I have done is intended, systematic, and extreme.
They want me to apologize for it. I don’t want to do that because it never happened and I don’t want to even give the impression that it did. I was bullied as a child in school (to the extent that people actually apologized to me for what they did later), and even thinking about putting another person through what I went through makes me nauseous.
In my perspective, an apology (at least, one that means anything) is owning up to an issue or an offense. I personally hate apologies like “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry that’s how it came across,” because in my opinion, those aren’t real apologies.
They feel gaslighted.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ. Not enough info is given. What did they say you did exactly? What made them feel so unsafe they asked for a knife to carry? I get that some kids can lie to get attention, especially when an older sibling goes off to school.
My younger sister started fights the second they saw me when I came home a few times because they got more attention when I was gone. But she never asked for something to defend herself from me. I think that’s the worrying part for me in your situation.
There had to be something going on to ask for that” Normal-Difficulty321
Another User Comments:
“Desperately need more information on this front to make a judgment call. Are there any examples of specific instances of bullying they can cite? If it was truly so abusive and horrible, they must have given you some kind of idea of what you did – and if they didn’t, then a soft NTJ because there’s so much context missing.
If they did give you specifics, then you’re not telling what they are, making it next to impossible to really say anything besides maybe ESH.” FrenzyEffect
8. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Step Up While I Battle Cancer?
“I am a 41-year-old female married to a 48-year-old male. We have been married for almost 13 years and have 3 kids (10, 9 with autism, and 4).
We have settled into typical gender roles: I cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop weekly, and take care of the kids by taking them to all of their appointments, picking them up from school if they are sick, and taking time off work if they are sick.
He does the outside work (trash, landscaping, and shoveling, for example). Over time, however, he is doing less of the outside work, and I find myself taking over those roles (taking out recycling or bringing in the bins) because tasks will just pile up or remain outside for a week, or because he has outsourced them (to a landscaper), so he no longer does these chores while I still do all of my “wifely” duties.
My husband’s main responsibility in the morning is to get the kids ready and send them to school on the bus. He then goes downstairs to work from home. When I come home from my full-time job, the house is a disaster from the morning routine (I asked him to at least do the dishes, but he said he doesn’t have time), so I have to clean the house while also getting the kids off the bus in the afternoon.
This has been the normal routine for the past year. I also have a part-time job on weekends (5 hours each day). It’s great for extra money and has afforded us a down payment for our house and several trips to Disney. He hates when I work because he has to watch the kids by himself.
The point of saying all this is that I was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer in early January, so I realized that I need to slow down and cannot do everything that I have been doing, and he need to step up. When I told him this, he said he did not feel that way and that he was doing plenty.
I know that right now I am able to do things, but I will be starting chemotherapy soon (end of February/beginning of March), and I am not sure how I will feel. I am going to take time out from both jobs because of this.
My husband is under the assumption that I will be sick for a few days, during which “he has to do everything,” but I will be able to continue my routine once I am feeling better. I have already told him, “Don’t expect it; I will do what I can,” but he is not convinced. I am willing to continue doing some of the chores, but not everything that I have been doing.
AITJ for expecting my husband to pick up the slack while I am going through cancer?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait. Your freaking husband refuses to do more after your cancer diagnosis??! He wasn’t pulling his own weight before the diagnosis, and now he’s expecting you to do everything while you get better from cancer?
Oh, heck freaking no. This is cause for divorce. Also? Men don’t help around the house; they do their half. DO NOT try to keep the house clean. DO NOT grocery shop or do a load of laundry in between vomiting. Men are more likely to leave women when they’re sick, so be prepared for some truly jerkish behavior on his part.
(Ignore the incels here who’ll drop by and pretend otherwise.) I hurt for you, OP. ETA: The only jerk here is your husband – a gaping one.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A caring husband would be jumping at the chance for you to take it easy while struggling with this physically and mentally.
Cancer can be a marathon, not a sprint, and you are going to need a lot of support. Your husband is seriously delusional if he thinks receiving cancer treatment is going to be a few days of picking up the slack. I would recommend starting counseling both for yourself (cancer is scary) and couples counseling, hopefully with someone with experience with cancer.
Your husband needs a big dose of reality and fast. In the meantime, do you have other family or friends who can help step up? Best of luck and best wishes on your cancer journey.” Moonlightprincess36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why are you even asking?
I am just placing myself in your situation. I would do anything for my wife to ensure a fast and easy recovery. He might not be very empathetic, and those kinds of people have difficulty understanding the hardships of others. I would recommend finding a few YouTube channels that are like personal vlogs, where you can see from their perspective how the whole cancer journey is challenging, from physical to mental hardships.
They can be very moving, and he might see what is actually at stake and wake up. OP, I wish you a fast and easy recovery!!” TheDIYEd
7. AITJ For Enforcing A No Children Wedding Policy Despite Family Backlash?
“We set a no-children rule for our wedding. We’re having a small wedding (100 close friends and family). It’s black tie; there will be an open bar, a big band, etc. We’ve been clear on this rule from the beginning of our wedding planning.
We communicated this a year prior to our wedding when we sent out the save the dates.
For context, we’re in our mid-twenties and none of our close friends are married or even thinking about children. Our family friends are all 60+ too, so their children are grown up.
Since then, we’ve had to flex our rules to include our niece (4) and nephew (2) as a flower girl and page boy. However, they will be accompanied by their nanny, who will take them home afterwards.
Before sending out the official invites, we thought it would be courteous to let other close family members know that we are sticking to our no children rule; however, this has caused MAJOR backlash.
A cousin (45) claims that she sees the groom as a brother and is sending nasty, long messages about how she’s so upset, isn’t sleeping, and can’t believe we don’t see her child (3) in the same way we see our niece and nephew.
She is refusing to attend our wedding and trying to say, “Oh, I’ll bring her to the ceremony only and then leave.” However, we have held our stance that no means no. On top of this, the aunt (70) has been sending long messages about how the entire side of that family is upset.
She argues that the child in question isn’t just another child but should be considered part of our immediate family, and that the dead uncle would be so disappointed with our decision.
Before my fiancé and I were engaged, this side of the family hated my fiancée, as she is from a different religion.
They gave her years of abuse and tried to break us up. They haven’t apologized, and my fiancé has moved on from the past. We didn’t think a no-child rule would be so controversial, but now we are being harassed by this side of the family about the no-child rule.
Am I the jerk for enforcing this rule?
Additional context: This 3-year-old is never told no. She is destructive (breaks things at home regularly and pulled our doorbell off the door despite it being screwed in), can’t sit still, and hits her mom; these issues have long preceded the wedding.
The mom frequently goes out and leaves her at home with the same babysitter she’s had for the entire 3 years (a family friend’s daughter). Apparently, she can’t imagine leaving her child behind for the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People always think their child is God’s gift to Earth.
You were clear from the jump; it will be inappropriate for kids to be there. If you really really wanted to keep the peace, you could offer to pay the nanny, but even that feels like a stretch. You’re doing nothing wrong with your request and it sounds like your family sucks.” QuinoaPoops
Another User Comments:
“My best friends got married. The first thing I asked was if there were kids. I also expressed that it’s their day and I will 100% support the choice they make (I have 1 daughter). They chose to be child free, and I absolutely supported that choice.
The day was not about me or my child; it’s about ensuring my best friends had the day they dreamed of. Anyone who carries on is an entitled pratt who doesn’t even deserve an invite! Those who love and support you love and support your boundaries!” lizard_queen88
Another User Comments:
“Why are you inviting people who abused your fiancée for years and try to break you up from your celebration of love anyway? God, I would rescind the invite so fast. NTJ; slight jerk for still inflicting these people’s presence on your fiancée, even if she « moved on ».
They sound annoying, and it doesn’t sound like their presence means much to you at all.” hlnhr
6. AITJ For Defying My Dad's Clothing Rules During Family Prayer?
“I (19F) and my father (50M) are having a disagreement over what is appropriate to wear to our evening family prayer. The evening prayer usually includes my parents and four brothers. The prayer is right before we go to sleep, so I tend to wear light sleepwear.
Recently, I have been wearing a tank top because my younger brother likes to sleep with me and because it gets hot. Ten nights ago, my father made a not-so-subtle comment about how “we have to dress respectfully before the Lord” during prayer. I thought this was strange since I have been wearing sleepwear during night prayer for years now, and my brothers also wear shorts and casual clothes.
I brushed it off, and for the next evening prayer, I wore the tank top again since my little brother sleeps with me and I was preparing to go to sleep.
This time, my father called me out directly in front of my brothers and told me to cover up.
I commented on what my brothers were wearing, and my father said I was a girl, so I should know better. I found his comments extremely intrusive and misogynistic, so I decided not to listen to him. I told him not to invite me to prayer if he didn’t like what I wore.
Eventually, he started getting very angry and telling me that he has authority over me and that I should listen to him. He said if I didn’t know better, then I should just obey him. He said he was shocked that I knew so little about the Bible.
He says that this is not about body shaming but simply about wearing something that is respectful to God.
I have started doubting my interpretation of what is okay to wear to prayer, as I used to believe that only man is ashamed of being unclothed and not God.
I would really love an expert or outside opinion on whether I’m sinning by not listening to my dad and not wearing clothes that cover my skin. Every conversation I have with him leaves me in tears and feeling like I’m going to go to heck.
My friend (18F) thinks my dad is insane and has encouraged me to write this post. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult regardless of whose house you’re living in, and your dad both forcing you to participate in this prayer and also trying to control what you wear is beyond unacceptable.
No person who is not a judge or an officer issuing a lawful order has “authority” over another adult. The fact that your father actually said this to you is reprehensible and deeply troubling. If your father wishes to tie his grotesque, manipulative, abusive, misogynistic behavior to his beliefs, then his beliefs are grotesque and inhumane as well.
This isn’t about a tank top or prayer; it is about someone trying to exercise total control over you, over your body, over your choices, over your beliefs, over your own will. If this is what he believes and how he treats you, if I were you I would strongly, strongly consider working towards becoming independent in all of the ways that I could so that I could excuse this man from my every day life, and live my life on my own terms and with the basic human rights that I (you) deserve.” The-Last-American
5. AITJ For Pressing Charges Against My Pet Boarder For Failing To Get To The Vet?
“For context, I have two rabbits that I adopted from the same rescue. I had a hard time contacting one of the pair, so the rescue referred me to her husband, whom I didn’t know was separated until I called him to board the rabbits.
Their personal matters were none of my business, so I didn’t really ask questions. He said he was willing to board the bunnies, so I dropped them off with him.
I was taking a flight to Atlanta when, while I was boarding the plane, I received a phone call from the rescue telling me my rabbit wasn’t eating anything.
I immediately told him to take him to the vet. He said he could try to care for him at home. We maintained contact throughout the day, during which he told me that he was just lonely and missed me.
It was later that night that he texted me and told me he was worried about himself, that he wasn’t eating anything, and that he was falling off the bed. I told him right then and there to take him to a vet.
I even told him which vets I use and provided the closest 24/7 vet’s information. He told me he couldn’t drive at night due to his hip issues and eye issues. He made an appointment for the next morning. It was the next morning that my rabbit died on the way to the vet.
Of course, I went off on him. I asked him why he took in my animals if he couldn’t access medical care. He was very apologetic, but it’s very difficult for me to accept his apology when he volunteered to board my pets when he wasn’t in a condition to take them to the vet.
And now I’m considering pressing charges against him because he failed to take my pet to a veterinarian when I asked him several times to do it. My friends are telling me that I shouldn’t because he was an older man and he did his best to care for him.
I can’t accept that as an excuse, as he knew he didn’t have access to veterinary care when he took in my animals. At the same time, I see their point. He was very apologetic over the phone and was unable to drive them due to a medical issue.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, what are your harm/damages in small claims court going to be? The cost of two rescue rabbits? There are no winners here. You are fully entitled to be angry at his ineffectiveness as a caretaker, but pursuing legal action on this basis is going to be a foolish waste of everyone’s time.” Nanny_Ogg1000
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ Press charges? What charges? You will be laughed at. This isn’t a criminal case. You did not insist he bring your rabbit to the vet if you just kept in touch during the day without making sure he did. You did not call and pay for an Uber.
When you leave a pet with someone, you should make sure they can care for it and handle emergencies. I leave detailed instructions with anyone watching my pets. I leave phone numbers of the regular vet and the emergency hospital. I make sure the person has transportation and is comfortable caring for my pets.
I call and give my credit card number for treatment. He made a mistake, but so did you.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ You also have no case. Rabbits are pretty delicate and can just kind of die. Unless he bodyslammed your rabbit and you can prove it, you can’t really do anything about this.
He didn’t even neglect your rabbit. He just didn’t take him to the vet immediately. Were you even paying this guy? If you choose to continue having exotic pets, you should hire a pet sitter who specializes in exotic pets and have an agreement beforehand about things like emergency vet visits.” Remote_Comedian_562
4. AITJ For Taking Leftover Ketchup That Triggered My Mom?
“Last night my (18F) family and I went to Dairy Queen for some food. My brother got a bunch of ketchup packets and we had some leftover.
They said the workers would throw out the ketchup because we had touched it. I didn’t want it to go to waste, so I tried to scoop them into my pockets to bring home. My mom (53F) got very upset. She started shouting at me to put the ketchup down, pointing at my face, and saying “that’s exactly what your father/grandmother would do.”
For context, my dad and grandmother were both quite abusive to all of us, and my mom hated them. They both took things home from restaurants like condiments and cups to save money. Apparently me grabbing the ketchup this one time triggered her and made her feel the need to yell at me, and then rant to my partner about how my abusive family members took ketchup home and wouldn’t let her use the bottle.
I wasn’t gonna force her to use the packets. I was gonna use them for myself, and they were gonna be thrown out anyway. My brother yelled at me too, so I ended up not taking them. I was very upset, so when I got home I cried with my partner for a while.
My mom said she was sorry last night, but tried to justify it by saying that “triggers aren’t rational.” I know that they aren’t, but I don’t yell and point at random people if they do things that trigger me, even though they are mundane to most.
Today I was still upset. My mom asked what was wrong, and I told her. She got defensive again, saying “I’m sorry you’re upset” and “I don’t know what you want me to do, I already apologized.” I told her I want her to promise me not to yell at me like that again, and she said she can’t promise me that.
When I told her she wasn’t even trying, she got annoyed and said it’s on me if I don’t want to forgive her. The way she’s acted made me think I was being insensitive to her triggers and being unreasonable, but I’m unsure.
AITJ for triggering her and wanting her to promise not to yell at me for things like this? I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you’re asking for is reassurance that this situation won’t be revisited. She’s promising you she can never be rational or be held accountable for her actions; what’s worse, she wants to punish you for having any negative feelings about her actions.
How’re you supposed to forgive somebody when they say “sorry, but I’ll probably do this again, I have no self-control. Oh, and if you aren’t perfectly accommodating, it’s your problem.”” AnxiousUmbreon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking packets is a perfectly rational thing to do—if you could only see my packet drawer, haha.
If she’s triggered by that alone, she probably needs to focus on therapy. Triggers aren’t only for the outside world to adapt to; she should be working on processing her trauma and finding ways to react when she is triggered, not just hoping the world will change to fit her needs.” erinloveslager
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had no idea she’d be triggered by ketchup packets. You’re perfectly understandable to ask someone to promise not to scream at you like that. Her triggers are her responsibility to manage to learn to deal with. Plus, her non-apology is awful.
It’s one of those “sorry if you feel bad” kinds, not her actually being sorry she screamed at you and made you cry. Seems like she could use some therapy. Would she scream and yell at another person taking home packets? It’s a perfectly normal thing to do.” yukidaviji
3. AITJ For Not Joining In A Board Game On My Birthday Getaway?
“I (29f) had my birthday over the weekend, and to celebrate, my mom booked an Airbnb in the city about 35–40 minutes away from where we live for me, my partner (27m), and my dog to get away for a bit and just have a nice time.
My partner’s friend happened to live in this city too, so he asked if we could stop by and see him. I didn’t really want to, but they told us to bring my dog along as well, which I love because I hate going anywhere without him.
Once we got to my partner’s friend’s place, I immediately had to lock my dog in their unfinished basement because he had cats and didn’t tell us. I hated that. Bonus: It was down a flight of stairs, and my dog is a front amp tripod, so it wasn’t easy getting him down and back up.
I would have never brought him if I had known he couldn’t just be around with us.
We sat around and talked for a bit, and then someone suggested board games. I love a good board game, but the ones they wanted to play aren’t quick, and I really didn’t want to be there that long.
But I wanted my partner to enjoy time with his friend, so I told them they could play and I was just going to sit by them and play my Switch because a game I was excited about had just come out and I had received it as an early present.
We were there for probably close to 4 or 5 hours. Way longer than I ever wanted to be. I was a little upset, but I didn’t say anything.
After we left, my partner started telling me how rude everyone thought I was because I didn’t sit down to fully join them and that I looked like a jerk.
I did my best considering we were in the city for my birthday, and I didn’t even really want to stop to see his friend in the first place. I had friends in the city too; I would have rather spent time doing celebratory things with them.
This led to a big fight, with him telling me his friends never liked me. Did I screw up? Should I have just played the stupid game?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your partner is the jerk to say his friends never liked you, wow! Your birthday weekend should not be spent with his friends if they are only half an hour away; he can go visit them any time.
Is your partner usually dismissive of your feelings? You’re NTJ but he is the jerk.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“Oh wow these responses already are ENLIGHTENING. I agree I should have, first and foremost, stood up for myself (and my dog!!) and since I didn’t, I should have just joined in.
It was a house full of nerds/gamers, so I guess I really didn’t see how playing a game I was really excited about was a jerk move. I assumed they’d just understand. I think I was also in a little denial that it was even rude, but with it being pointed out now, I absolutely get it.” billynotrlyy
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You need to speak up for yourself. As soon as you saw the dog would be isolated and have a hard time getting downstairs, that was your cue to leave. Why didn’t you say no to a board game as you already had plans?
You agreed to stay and then didn’t play. That is rude. Your partner also sucks, as this was about your birthday, not seeing his friend.” sideglancegirl
2. AITJ For Listening To Audiobooks Aloud In Bed Despite Partner's Need For Quiet?
“I like to listen to audiobooks daily, i.e., getting ready, showering, driving, and in bed. I can’t wear headphones or earbuds because they just skeeve me out to have something on or in my ears.
This has been a bit of a point of contention in my relationship with my partner.
I like sharing these books with him, but he rarely likes them. There are very few he liked, so at first I thought his looking annoyed was because he didn’t like most of them. I asked him what kind of books he preferred, and he said it wasn’t an issue about the stories themselves; he just gets aggravated listening to them in general. He puts on headphones, but gets annoyed wearing them so much or having to take them on and off to speak with me.
When we moved in together last month, we tried to compromise wherein I’d turn the books off when he got into bed. I like falling asleep to them, so falling asleep has been a bit hard. I’ve taken to waiting until he’s asleep; then I put them back on and go to bed. Yet if I wake up during the night or even in the morning, I’ve found that he’s turned my phone off, which makes the audiobook stop playing.
Last night I caught him doing it and told him to leave my phone alone and put my phone next to my pillow so he couldn’t touch it. He was in a bad mood this morning and was not talking while driving me to work.
He had the radio on, so I put one of my books on. He flipped and told me I should find a ride home from work with a friend or use Uber because he wants “just half of one darn day I don’t have to wear headphones or listen to trash Mary-Sue writing since I can’t turn the crap off.
All I want is a few freaking hours of sleep without that crap.”
I didn’t go home after work. I’m at a coffee shop and trying to figure it all out if I’m a butt for listening to my books at night when he goes to sleep or if he’s overreacting.
AITJ on this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for turning on your audiobook WITHOUT HEADPHONES when the radio was on like what the heck OP?! Edit: also the jerk for being annoyed that your audiobook has been stopped by your partner when you’re sleeping. That’s him turning it off *because it’s waking him up*.
Why is your sleep more important than his? You don’t even know it’s been turned off! YOU’RE SLEEPING” millhouse_vanhousen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you literally said this >When we moved in together last month, we tried to compromise wherein I’d turn the books off when he got into bed. And then continue to tell how you don’t really compromise at all, although you know you are disrespecting him immensely by this.
His snapping seems not like overreacting at all, but like the outbreak of a lot of built frustration. Maybe consider actually starting to compromise like you agreed you would.” InuKimi
Another User Comments:
“Have you ever looked into sleep headphones as a compromise? It’s like a headband over your ears, so nothing is actually going in your ears.
I’m the same. I like stuff to fall asleep to. It sucks extra when I wake up in the middle of the night. I often fall asleep, and he will turn it off. Or, we agree on a sleep timer (available on audiobooks). I have forced myself to learn to fall back asleep after I wake up without my phone or the TV.
It’s still hard, but tbh it’s better for your ears and brain to not receive stimulation during sleep reset. He may be noticing that. It sounds like since he is willing to wear headphones sometimes, you should learn to do the same if you can’t live without the sound.
But it is unreasonable to think that someone can live day after day with someone else’s media playing 24/7. YTJ.” SuddenHedgehog
1. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With A Jealous Ex-Partner?
“I (29F) used to know Tom (30M) years ago. We were acquaintances as teenagers, and though we briefly went out at 16, it wasn’t serious, and we stayed on neutral terms whenever we ran into each other.
A few years later, when we were in our early twenties, I bumped into him at a nightclub, and he introduced me to his then-partner, Alex.
From the moment we met, Alex was noticeably cold toward me. She barely spoke, made passive-aggressive comments about my appearance, and created an uncomfortable tension. Sensing the awkwardness, I made my exit. Tom later messaged me to apologize for how she acted, but I brushed it off.
I didn’t think much of it, as we weren’t close anyway.
Since then, I’ve occasionally run into them at different social events, and Alex’s attitude toward me has never changed. She has made snide remarks in passing, whispered about me to others while I was nearby, and has generally gone out of her way to be hostile anytime we’re in the same space.
I’ve always ignored it because, as far as I was concerned, whatever problem she had with me wasn’t my issue.
Now, last weekend, I was out with some friends when I saw Alex and Tom at the same venue. Tom came over to say hello and make small talk, and almost immediately, Alex stormed over.
Without even greeting me, she shoved her ring in my face and made a pointed comment about how I “definitely couldn’t have him now.” I laughed and told her I never wanted him in the first place, but I was happy for them.
That only made things worse.
She started raising her voice, accusing me of trying to get attention for years, making assumptions about me, and throwing out personal insults. When she finally finished, I asked if she was done and told her that I had never done any of the things she was accusing me of.
I also made it clear that I didn’t care about her or Tom and, most importantly, that she needed to stop making her personal insecurities my problem.
She looked like she was about to respond, so I added that she also needed to stop being jealous of me because there was no reason for it.
At that point, she excused herself and left the room, with Tom following after her. Before he left, he told me I didn’t need to say all that. My friends thought my response was blunt but justified, while some mutuals later told me I was too harsh and should have been more understanding because she’s obviously insecure.
Now, I’m wondering: was I too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you know he’s told her some lies about you right? Probably that the relationship was more serious than what it was or that you still actively want him back or both. She’s insecure and her behavior is unjustified, but I don’t think she’s doing this umprompted. Not your issue either way, but I don’t trust Tom” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“Wait. So it’s okay for her to be harsh and embarrass you in public, but it’s not okay for you to shut her down and defend yourself? Who are these “friends” who don’t have your back? Personally, I’d be giving the side eye to someone who wouldn’t defend me when I’ve been attacked. Alex’s insecurities are her issue and it’s her responsibility to manage them without taking it out on other people.
Under no circumstances should anyone else be made responsible for treating her like glass when she’s clearly not bothering to help herself. She’s not a fragile little flower, she’s an adult and deserves to receive consequences for her actions. You did nothing wrong.
You didn’t instigate this encounter, but you effectively shut it down. Good for you. NTJ” CPSue
