People Ask For Trust In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Retrieving My Partner's Stolen Fraternity Flag From a Sorority House?
“So my significant other got a flag with his fraternity letters on it as a gift from a relative who has passed. The flag got stolen about a year ago. The other day, I saw online that the flag was in the room of some girls in the sorority.
My partner asked a family friend who lives in the sorority house and is friends with the girls who took the flag if she could try to grab it 4 days ago and didn’t get a response. He then asked one of his fraternity brothers who is friends with the girls who took it to ask for it back.
He said that the response he got from them was that they wanted my partner to ask them for it back himself. This was all part of a power play. Today, my partner texted them politely to get it back and told them it was a gift from a family member.
The girls did not respond even though it was confirmed that they saw the text.
Here is where I’m wondering if I’m the jerk. I was let into the sorority house and went up to their room and took the flag back. After this, they responded to my partner’s text saying how immature and ridiculous it was that he went and took it from them and pretty much played dumb and acted like they didn’t know the flag was stolen.
People in the sorority saw that it was me who took it, and my partner did not even enter the house. I know I shouldn’t have just entered their room but I also know that they would never give the flag back. It was a very hotheaded moment for me and I do wish I did it differently.
However, I went back to retrieve the stolen property and I didn’t break into the house. I think that doing it this way was the only way to get the flag back. All of my friends and my partner are saying it’s no big deal and are laughing about it but I’m very anxious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your partner would have been within his rights to call the police and report the theft. Don’t think the sisters would have been too happy about that. And I bet the dean would have been even less pleased having the police called to the house.” Top_Nectarine1871
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They stole it first. You retrieved it. Simple as that. If they keep harassing you both, report the sorority and tell them any further harassment and theft will be met with criminal charges. In the meantime, I suggest that you have your partner put the flag someplace the jerks can’t get it.
Like a safety deposit box.” Fluid_Response_6062
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the real jerk here is the girls who felt like stealing a flag that has a personal meaning to someone as a power play. If someone tries to say anything just tell them the truth.
“Yes, that sorority stole my partner’s flag which he received from a relative who passed and refused to even acknowledge or listen to him so I had to take matters into my own hands.” Your partner tried talking and waiting, they’re the real jerks.” Witty-Tackle7311
24. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Honorary Niece Snorkeling Due To Safety Concerns?
“I (36F) have a close bond with my “honorary” niece, Nia (10F), the daughter of my best friend, Meghan.
My husband and I chose to be child-free, allowing me time and resources to invest in activities with my honorary nieces and nephews. I’m passionate about outdoor activities, and I’ve passed this on to Nia, which her parents (who aren’t outdoorsy) appreciate. They often encourage her to join me in these outings, seeing it as educational. It also gives them a day-long break when Nia and I go on an adventure.
I’ve taken her hiking and rafting, I taught her how to swim, and I use these outings to teach her about things like safety and perseverance.
We all decided to vacation together in a tropical location. While I planned various activities with Nia like kayaking and a waterfall hike, I also had some advanced activities lined up for myself, including snorkeling.
Given the inherent dangers of snorkeling, especially for children, I wasn’t comfortable taking Nia with me. I’ve snorkeled before, but I don’t believe I am capable of keeping her safe if she is swept away by a current.
However, when Nia expressed interest in joining me for snorkeling, her parents quickly promised her that I’d take her, putting me in an awkward spot.
I voiced my concerns, explaining the risks and my reluctance to watch over her in open waters. They were upset, arguing that I’d taken her for other activities before, like bouldering and rafting. I countered by explaining how those situations were different, providing more control and safety.
She can’t float away while we’re bouldering, and we’ve always rafted in gentle, shallow waters, with a minimum of 4 other adults in the raft. I never take her to do anything I think she couldn’t handle or would put her in danger.
I suggested they join if they wanted her to snorkel, but neither of them can swim.
Despite my offer to teach, they declined. They said doing so would take away time from their vacation to do something they don’t want to do. I had to break the news to Nia, who was understandably disappointed. Since then, her parents haven’t spoken to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but her parents are. Many legit snorkeling tours will have age limits on attendees. And her parents seem to want free babysitting. I feel bad for Nia, but this is not your problem. Her parents need to resolve it themselves. That said, for your sake, you should tell Nia why she can’t go like you outlined here, and let her know you still care and that if her parents allow, it might happen when she’s older.” Interesting-Month-56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ wow they aren’t good friends, they never should have made you tell her no. That was on them to do. Not to mention they should trust you and your judgment when you say no. I would perhaps let them cool off but you should expect an apology from them.
I wouldn’t let this go because not only were they being rude they also sounded very ungrateful that you have had this relationship with their kid” l3ex_G
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Nia’s parents have become accustomed to handing off a great many activities (and also the associated concerns and costs) to you, to such an extent that they misrepresent your willingness/availability to Nia and ghost you when you don’t comply with their wishes.
This is not friendship. Friends do not use their children to emotionally blackmail their friends so that they don’t have to do activities with their kids. There’s a different, uglier term to describe folks behaving that way and it may be worth exploring the extent to which this behavior infests your adult relationship with Nia’s parents.” Pretend-Panda
23. AITJ For Wanting To Visit My Dad In Morocco Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“I, (18m) feel like a jerk because I recently confessed my plan for the next four years for college to my mom on what I wanna do.
For context, I’ve been in the middle of my parents’ divorce since I was about two years old, they were constantly telling me what they want me to do and I feel so torn about it because I love them both very much and they are both important parts in my life.
I’ve been living with my mom in the United States since I could remember, and I and my dad have been talking over the phone ever since I could remember as well, I have a deep connection with both of them and I never picked sides with anyone.
My dad has been wanting me to see Morocco for years now, and I thought it would be fun to travel and see what it’s like over there, and I agreed, the only hard part about it was breaking it to my mom.
My plan was to go to Morocco to visit my dad for a few months, come back, and go to an out-of-state university for college when I got back, where my dad would pay for my schooling since that’s what his father did for him, and he wanted to do for me.
So the problem? Like I said before, my mom hates my dad, she hated my dad since they got divorced. I told her my plan, she sat in silence for a good few minutes and she said “I don’t know what to tell you” with an expression that looked stone cold, like her heart froze over and she wanted to cry for hours.
I really want to carry out my plan for college, but I don’t wanna hurt anyone in my family, especially my mom because she’s my mom. On one hand, if I go to Morocco, I hurt my mom, but if I don’t go to Morocco, I hurt my dad, it’s a lose-lose situation and I feel so upset about it because no matter what I do, I will end up upsetting someone, and it eats at my brain day in and day out.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go to Morocco. You are not responsible for the feelings of your parents. They are. Your mother could choose to be happy that you are getting to travel internationally and getting support from your father or not.
That’s entirely up to her. Don’t regret not seeing that part of the world when you had a chance.” SweeperOfChimneys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is going to be upset, but you’ve lived with her for years. She can handle you seeing your Dad for a couple of months.
Anyways, he’s going to be paying for your schooling and it’s a small price to pay. Realistically since he lives in Morocco it’s not like you’ll be seeing him often in the future.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s feelings towards your dad should have no impact on your relationship with him.
Just because she doesn’t like him doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either. She might feel hurt, but she has to remember that this is still your dad, and it would be selfish of her to prevent you from seeing him.” Stranger0nReddit
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Return The French Textbooks I Lent Him?
“Recently I asked my partner for some French textbooks that I *let him borrow* back in the summer of last year (2023), as he very much wanted to learn the language and still does! I gave him 5 for the entire summer.. yet he did not touch them at all (maybe once or a couple of times as he claims, but certainly not enough to make the slightest of progress).
He is extremely busy with work… so I understand perhaps why, although he always promises me that he will use them eventually.
Fast forward to now, my dad has been encouraging me to use the books- *that I secretly gave to my partner and that he bought for me in the first place*- to improve my language learning.
With that in mind, I am motivated to begin using them again.
When I asked my partner for the textbooks back, his response was relatively reluctant, as if he owned them himself and I was asking for them. He keeps saying that I don’t need all of them and to allow him to keep one at least. I denied it since they were quite expensive and a gift from my dad.
He kept on pushing a couple of times and I could see he was becoming annoyed and hesitant to give them. He tells me that *he knows* I won’t use them like I plan to since I’m so busy and don’t have the time. [I work, am learning Korean on the side as well, and am a full-time student, I get what he means by busy..]
Still, I plan to stay consistent and use the books. He gave them to me in the end, but admitted he was upset.. he was not himself the rest of my time with him and was quite serious (did not initiate any hand-holding or kisses:/).
I have them on me now, but is this a big deal? I don’t understand why he became as attached as he did, considering they are mine and I let him borrow them for the entire summer, yet he did not use them.
Am I the jerk and asking for too much?
Perhaps I’m being unintentionally greedy and selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… They’re not his and he isn’t using them? What the heck? ” I told him this is wrong and he countered by saying that I lie to my mom about my activity and that is the same thing…” What a weird and completely unrelated and irrelevant comparison.” DrBabyPHD
Another User Comments:
“This is a weird situation OP. Something is not being said here.OR your partner is a bit of a Narcissist who thinks only what he wants matters. Telling you to lie to your Dad so that your partner gets to keep what HE wants screams a bad value system to me.
Keep your eyes open OP. There is more to this story. NTJ.” FireBallXLV
21. AITJ For Not Taking Over When My Fiancé Struggles With Our Crying Baby?
“My fiancé (28m) says I (28f) am a jerk because I won’t take the baby from him when he’s crying.
Our baby is 8 months old and for the first 5-6 months I slept out on the couch away from my fiancé so that he could sleep and I could take care of the baby. Well, I ended up hurting my back to the point of barely being able to walk, I’m still in intense amounts of pain especially when dealing with the baby.
The problem lies with overnight wake-ups. Some nights he will wake up and struggle to go back to sleep. My fiancé will ask for help and I will give him different tools to help soothe the baby such as singing to him, holding him a certain way, and patting his bum among other things.
My fiancé chooses not to do any of the things I tell him work and gets upset that I won’t just intervene and take the baby. I don’t think it’s good for me to constantly swoop in and take the baby as this means my fiancé won’t learn or be able to put him down.
If he were to try the things I say and it’s still not working then yes I would step in and help, but he doesn’t even try. He just sits there trying to give the baby a bottle without actually doing anything else to calm him down.
There will come a day when he will be alone with the baby at night and if he can’t listen and take the advice I give him now and just expects me to take over how will he manage when I’m not here?
He says this is me being a petty jerk and I think I’m just trying to help him be a better father. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! You both work full-time. Why does he get to sleep all night while you sleep on the couch taking care of the baby?
Just because you’re the mother does NOT mean you have to do it all by yourself. You also have an injury!! That alone should be a sign that he needs to step up his game. He is that child’s father and he should darn well act like it!!
I’m a SAHM and my husband gets up in the middle of the night to help me with our children if I need it, and sometimes he gets up without me even asking him, and I’ll tell him to go back to sleep which he refuses, he says it’s his job to be a parent and that’s what parenting is sometimes sleepless nights!
Your fiancé is doing weaponized incompetence and the fact that you’re telling him how to help with the baby and he’s ignoring you should be a huge red flag, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a lot more weaponized incompetence going on around your house.
If he can’t split things 50/50 with you (cleaning the house, helping with the baby, grocery shopping, etc) then girl you gotta leave!!! It will ONLY get worse! ” Emergency-Bet523
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your fiancé needs to realize he is a parent. At the moment he is just handing off to you the minute things get a little bit difficult.
It can take patience and a bit of thought to soothe a baby. Two things he seems to lack. When one of you works full time and the other is fully stay at home you do need to adjust the schedule to make allowances for this.
But that doesn’t mean that all the childcare falls on one person which seems to be the case at the moment. One thing we found worked well for us with both our kids when they were young was a nursing chair. Having a comfy place to sit and rock them sent them off to sleep quickly.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn. In some ways, I feel completely NTJ because you say he says you’re being one, but I also feel maybe this is just adjusting to changing roles so no jerks here. I know when my husband switched to being the primary caregiver after I was on maternity things got different the first several weeks while he adjusted.” Master_ECON_Gal
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Crocheting Gift With My Copycat Younger Sister?
“I (18F) received a gift from an aunt. A quick context: a few months ago an aunt visited us and she saw I was crocheting (something I have been doing for almost two years).
She said “I always tried to do that but I don’t have patience and now I have a bunch of material, you want them?” I was surprised but I accepted. A few months later, another aunt visited and she wanted me to teach her how to crochet, at the same time my sister (10y) exclaimed “why you don’t want to teach me?!” I was shocked because she never asked me to teach her, only that day in front of our aunt.
I agreed to teach both.
However, oh my goodness, I tried not to get angry at my sister, she just had to follow my instructions but she ignored me and did whatever she wanted I had to cut and discard the yarn she crocheted because she just did knots and the yarn in the hook, I don’t know how but it was impossible to put it off, it was so tight.
I tried other times but she does whatever she wants. And that happens with everything I do, if I draw, she wants to draw. If I try to cook she wants to, if I play a sport she wants to, if my partner comes to play games or watch movies with me, SHE WANTS TO!!
It’s like a darn copycat.
There were occasions when she couldn’t, my parents told me I couldn’t do it either or I had to abandon it. If she wants to use my art materials (even if she breaks or loses them) I have to give it.
Now, today, the gift from my aunt came, a big box with everything you can imagine for crochet and embroidery, yarn, needles, hooks, hoops, and even accessories to attach to the projects. I was so happy until my mom said we were going to have to share it.
I was so mad and tried to tell her I didn’t want it and my sister didn’t have the right to the gift because she didn’t have those materials. She said that’s because of her age and we have to share.
So, AITJ because I don’t want to share my gift with my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not have to share a gift that was given to you with your sister. Your sister probably loves you very much, and this is why she wants to copy you in everything you do.
Your sister is just 10 years old, and her fine motor skills may not be quite up to the task of crocheting yet. If she persists in wanting to learn this, get her a very thick crocheting needle and some very thick yarn and teach her with that in the beginning as it will be easier for her.
Also, tell her that she has to listen and repeat very carefully or you will not want to spend any more time trying to teach her.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have age-appropriate items, not the extra nice things meant for you. Some cheaper yarns and threads and kid-size tools for her to play with.
She wants to play, not learn. I’m just petty enough to suggest you *just happen* to pick up some very 10-year-old-inappropriate new hobby… or very messy ones. Permanent paint! Glitter! Or noisy drums!!! How about heavy makeup? Time to teach your mom that sharing is not always appropriate!” quats555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to share. You are 18, in what world is it normal to have to share all your stuff with a 10yo? Sounds like your sister has you on a pedestal a bit. Yes, it’s darn annoying, especially when they don’t listen and break/lose your stuff.
Unfortunately, you have a few more years of this behavior. Basically when she’s old enough to be going out and have her interests.” KiwiBoomSource
19. AITJ For Asking My Mother-In-Law To Stop Overstepping By Gardening Our Neighbor's Yard?
“My (28F) partner’s parents (66F, 72M) are living with us in our owner-occupied home as they currently don’t have a place of their own and need some financial support.
My soon-to-be mother-in-law has been mowing our lawn and started mowing the curbside of our neighbors’ lawns as a courtesy. The old geezer (80-ish M) from next door noticed and came over to ask if she could mow the lawn once while they were on holiday.
He had a very particular set of instructions on exactly how his lawns should be mowed and did not offer any money. She asked if there was anything else she could do for them, and he said no.
Sure enough, she mows the lawns following the instructions.
For the past couple of days, however, she has spent hours and hours tidying and pruning the rest of their garden. It’s summer where we are, so currently around 29-degree days (84 Fahrenheit). She has been exhausting herself working in their garden. They didn’t ask for it, they aren’t paying and she has only met them briefly a couple of times in passing.
I even saw her planting a new plant in their garden.
She is an absolutely lovely woman, so kind and selfless she would give you her last dollar if you asked for it. That is kind of how they got themselves in the position they are in now living with us.
I am worried this time she is overstepping. My concern is that the neighbors will be offended. I know old people can be sensitive and proud about their gardens. Or possibly they will expect her to keep doing the gardening for free. Best case scenario, they are grateful and that’s the end of it.
My partner told her yesterday to stop as she’s overstepping a little bit. We would rather not be super involved with our neighbors. Maybe her time would be better spent doing volunteer gardening in places that requested it.
Today, while my partner is out, she is back in their garden.
I can guarantee she will be over there at every opportunity until they come back from their holiday.
I am planning to ask her to stop again. Does this make me a jerk? Is what she is doing just incredibly kind?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- she is overstepping.
I get she thinks it’s a nice thing to do but this became a selfish good deed when she started adding plants to someone else’s garden. She wants to garden, but she’s not doing it out of the kindness of her heart because she’s changing things on a property that isn’t hers and is adding fairly permanent things without consent.
She’s not thinking about what the other person wants but what she wants and what she thinks would be nice. She needs to get a hobby or do something to get her out and about, keep her brain going and keep her busy.” Rowanx3
Another User Comments:
“No one is a jerk here. Your future mother-in-law sounds like a lovely person who is keen on helping others. You are a lovely person for being concerned that she’s putting herself in a position to get her feelings hurt, and for being considerate of your neighbor’s potential boundaries.
It’s like a Canadian four-way stop! No one is moving because they’re too polite and waiting for the other drivers to go first. You’re all wonderful. Perhaps just have one more conversation with her and ask her if she’ll be hurt if the neighbors feel intruded upon later instead of feeling her generous intent.
If she’s okay with it, let it go. She’s a grown-up and has undoubtedly found herself over-giving in the past. Your neighbors asked a perfect stranger to tend to their yard. If they are offended she went the extra mile, that’s their problem.
NTJ.” Choice_Mongoose2427.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your future MIL has already been asked and by her child at that. She sounds lovely and not at all like the kind of person who would be confrontational about it, but I have to wonder if repeating the same request would accomplish anything except frustrating her.
This woman sounds like she’s looking for something to do. And she likes (or even finds purpose in) being of service to others. It’s also very possible that she feels bad about her recent change of living situation. In any case, at her age, she won’t change.
But the volunteering program sounds good; maybe instead of just telling her not to go to the neighbor’s garden, try to direct her attention toward that instead. Has it already been suggested and ignored, or are you waiting for something (documentation, or whatever) before you bring it up?
It feels more constructive.” ladyteruki
18. AITJ For Feeling Unseen Because My Mother Doesn't Consider My Tastes When Gifting?
“I (27f) received some Christmas gifts in the mail from my (43f) mother recently. I was anxious about opening them because I feel that she does not think of my interests or tastes when she shops.
This makes me feel unseen/undervalued, especially since I am thoughtful when gifting to my family. I don’t care about how much money people spend or about fancy things, but I do appreciate gifts with thought put into them. In comparison, I always send her flowers for her birthday/Mother’s Day, and give her other gifts she seems to genuinely enjoy.
I do not earn much but I do what I can, like most people.
I opened them and sure enough, I was disappointed. She had sent me some clothes that were clearly something she would wear. I felt like a bad person for being sad about it.
1. Because the clothes come from an expensive label. 2. Because it does not feel like I am being valued by this person. I struggled with the idea that it is not the first time this kind of thing had happened, which gave me more reason to believe that my mother may not care enough about me as an individual to put the thought in.
A day after her package arrived my mother messaged.
“Did you like the clothes? I picked them all out myself!”
“Yes, they are very colorful and will be good for summer,” I replied.
“But do you like them?”
“They’re lovely gifts, thank you.”
“Hmm. Next time I’ll just get you a gift card then.”
She constantly gives the impression I should feel bad for not liking the same things she does and if I don’t like her gifts. I would be understanding if she wanted to discuss her feelings on it, but she gives me this attitude or the silent treatment.
I changed the topic after this as I did not want the stress of trying to navigate it.
My question: Is there a way I could have handled this better without her responding this way? Also, now I am left with these new expensive clothes – I am tempted to sell them on social media marketplace but am afraid it would just cause more drama.
AITJ if I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gift-giving is tough because most people have too much stuff. That’s why my family abandoned it. Instead, I make the effort to spend 1 on 1 time with everyone over drinks or coffee or dinner and that honestly went much better.
We only get gifts if you come across something you know someone would love. Otherwise, you’re spending money to just spend money. NTJ for selling either, is better than collecting dust. My advice – tell your mom what you want. If you don’t want anything just have her buy you dinner and spend time with you.
” KLove-D
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you guys aren’t very close. I’m very LC with my mom but she’s the same way. Sends me a box of gifts every Christmas. Pink shirts or yarn (I hate pink), sugary treats when I can’t eat sugar, pants, omg the pants.
I’m 6’ tall and she is 5’6”. No matter how many times I tell her they will not be long enough, she buys them. I give or donate 90% of what she sends. I say thank you, I like them and then leave it. It helps that she doesn’t live anywhere near me so she never can notice I don’t wear any of it.” glaize6
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here some people are just bad at picking out gifts for other people. She’s giving you things she likes because they’re the best things from her perspective. It’s kind of annoying that she can’t see beyond her own preferences, but she’s trying to show you that she values you by giving you monetarily valuable gifts that seem really great to her.
That said, you don’t have to like every gift you receive and it’s reasonable to feel hurt when it seems like people aren’t seeing you, appreciating you, or making an effort to do those things. If you think it would cause drama to sell her gifts on social media, maybe try poshmark or something else where she won’t see that you’re selling her gifts.” genevajacuzzi22
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Show My Parents My Physical Therapy Exercises?
“My parents have been really demanding for a long time now, they usually want things their way and when my brother or I refuse they always go with “Hm is that so?
Well then I guess go with the things that make us look bad” so we do what they say and try to make them happy again.
Taking a break from homework after doing 200+ questions? They open the door and yell at us for taking a 1-minute break.
Things that you tell them that are personal? They tell everything to their neighbors.
Now on to the present, I recently found out with my mom that I injured my Achilles tendon and it has the potential of tearing so the doctor gave me physical therapy and a cream to apply on the lumped area.
When my mom and I were in the car, she started yelling at me saying how I ruined her 14-day vacation and made me cry. I didn’t mean to ruin her vacation but I had the lump for 2 months and the only thing she said was “Well it’s just a lump, it will heal soon”.
I told her about how bad it was until I gave up. Of course, when we arrived home, my mom not only told my injury to my dad but also the neighbors. Then my dad gave me a physical therapy video and told me that I should do this myself and I agreed so I got a belt and started doing my own but realized that someone needed to pull on the belt while I pulled my feet a bit forward and when I told them about it, they again refused to help.
I decided to use the round thing behind the door to stabilize the belt and it worked. After that, my parents asked how it was going and I told them it was fine, so they told me “Why don’t you come here and show us so that we know that you are doing right?” I told them no because I don’t want to hear the things I do what I wrong for them now they are saying that I’m really childish.
Anyways, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should see an actual physical therapist because only they will know if you are doing the exercises correctly.” EnviroAggie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your patents are neglectful as they didn’t take you in to have the lump looked at when you told her about it.
She ruined her own vacation. If your parents refuse to help your physical therapy there’s no reason to do it in front of them” Emotional_Bonus_934
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend Who Ditched Us During Our Visit?
“So my (f18) friend (m19) asked me and my partner to come visit him for a weekend.
He goes to college in a different state and it’s easily a 5 1/2 hour drive. I left after a 9-hour shift and drove there with my partner from work. We didn’t get in until about 8 PM and the friend took us to dinner, which we paid for because he mentioned he was tight on funds.
I don’t care about that because he’s my friend and I could afford it. But he barely said thank you. The next morning we hang out and he says he forgot he had plans from 2-4 and we should all go to dinner around 5. Well, 4 turns into 5 and 5 into 6 and we still haven’t heard from him.
He finally responded around 6:30 saying that they went to dinner and he couldn’t hang with us because he wasn’t driving. My partner and I go do our own dinner plans and enjoy ourselves.
Finally, at 9:30, the friend texts and says he’s ready to hang out.
At this point, I’m tired and a little annoyed but say okay because the whole trip was to see him. He then asks if one of his friends can come along which I say sure to, even though it’s the friend that didn’t want us joining their plans earlier.
I was going to say something in person but chose to do it over text so it wasn’t in front of his friend. I didn’t yell or belittle him, just said it was kind of crappy that he ditched us even though we spent a lot of funds just to get ditched by him.
He says I’m in the wrong because he’s stressed with starting school again and trying to get back to normal even though he chose the dates. He told me he was going to bed and I caused him enough stress so I didn’t talk to him the rest of the night.
The next morning we were going to breakfast and driving back home. We didn’t hear from him so we told him where we were eating if he would like to join us. He said he would let us know but never did. So we drove home and stopped and had a good time of what was left. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Friend has no respect for your time and obligations and since he’s so stressed with starting school again and planning dates, he would actually be considerate of everyone’s time… from what I see that’s a “friend” who only wants/needs you when it’s convenient for him.
Tell him to get his stuff together or cut contact, he clearly doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” Insurgentglory0
15. AITJ For Wanting To Break Up With My Partner Because He's Financially Dependent On Me?
“I (21F) am seeing this guy (22M) for a little over a month, but we’ve known each other for 4 years. He was friends with my ex, and two days after we broke up, he asked me out. We immediately clicked and started being together since.
But, he’s been struggling financially, and since I had a little more stability, I started helping him with what I could. I bought food for him on our first outing, I paid for the Uber, and that sort of stuff. A week later he got sick and I paid for his medicine.
He then told me he was going to a competition at the end of the year, so I paid for the training classes for him. I started helping him with everything, to the point where I started struggling financially. Even though I knew he only asked for help for important things, like food and medicine, I started getting frustrated because he wouldn’t take extra work to earn more money and would spend his money on superficial things, like tickets to a park that we couldn’t afford and I had to pay for his food and drinks.
Besides that, he wouldn’t show actual interest in me. He wouldn’t ask about my life, my career, my interests, nothing. I questioned if he was with me just because of my help, and he denied it, saying that he liked me because of who I was.
But he knows nothing about me, so how could it be?
I told him I was getting mad with this situation, and every time he would ask for more money, he said he was going to pay me back (which he didn’t) or was already sending money (never did).
Yesterday we fought because of this, and he said he was never going to ask me for anything again (then asked me for the only 6$ I had left, to buy a dress for his mom and a belt for him). I kind of feel bad for denying money even though I know he needs it, but I need it too, and he doesn’t help me at all with my bills.
Would I be the jerk to break up with him for this, and possibly lose a good relationship over money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he’s using you as a convenient ATM. Even important things like food and medicine can add up when you’re trying to pay for two people, and only one of them is contributing.
Honestly, I would dump him ASAP. If he only cares about the money you can give him, let him find someone else to leech off of.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s been a month and you’ve been already paying for the entire training FOR HIM?
Girl. You are so young, so I’ll say it kindly: stop using your money to pay for other people. Stop letting people think you are an ATM. Break up and never pay for an SO that you haven’t been with for a while and that you know can and will do the same for you.” journeyintopressure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone showing no interest in you and using you for money isn’t a good relationship. It’s barely a relationship, tbh, and now you’re struggling financially for a guy you’ve been with for 1 month. I think you’re confusing “having chemistry” with “a good relationship”.
Just dump him, I promise you there’s so much better out there.” zetalb
14. AITJ For Using a Fake Name at Starbucks?
” I (22m) think this whole thing is ridiculous but my partner (21f) is really angry at me so here we go: I don’t like giving my real name at places like Starbucks and similar stores where they shout out your name when the order’s ready.
I can’t tell you why, I have a normal, reasonably common name I like fine enough but for some reason, it majorly creeps me out when a barista shouts my name through a room full of strangers. I guess it’s just some (at least to me) harmless quirk I have.
So whenever I am at a store where they want your name I say it’s Tom, that’s the name I use, nothing inappropriate or outlandish just plain Tom. I know I am meant when they call it as I always use the same one so there is no confusion or anything, they yell Tom I get my drink/food and it’s never been a problem till now.
A couple of days ago I was at Starbucks with my new partner and ordered our drinks while she sat down, I gave them my fake name as always, and when our order was ready they shouted Tom I went and got it. My partner was a bit confused and asked me if I went and got someone else’s order which is fair enough so I explained the thing to her and thought that’s that but she got really angry.
She says it’s disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name which is not at all what’s happening I just don’t like when they yell my real name so I found a harmless way to get around that.
But she can’t see it like that, she thinks I am a pathological liar who is way too suspicious of everyone and I need to stop. I really can’t see the problem she has, it’s not that deep.
I don’t think I am hurting anyone… or am I??
So yeah I am confused by her reaction and asking myself if I am the jerk after all for some reason I can’t comprehend. So AITJ for giving a fake name?”
Another User Comments:
“I guess NTJ? I don’t think it’s “disrespectful” (none of the Starbucks employees will know or care if you use a fake name) but, weirdly, you think it matters in any way if a handful of random strangers hear a first name with no confirmation that it’s your name.” Bear_faced
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to work at one of those places that asked for names. A few of the older regulars whose names I did know did not want their real names punched into the system because they were suspicious of the system and I enjoyed coming up with goofy fake names for them.
They loved it. I wasn’t upset. Most of those people working there don’t know you. They don’t care. They are there to do a job. And honestly, they probably think having to ask for names is silly and just another dumb rule corporate is pushing on them.” Reyvakitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m with you. It’s a harmless quirk. How does she jump from “I have a weird thing about my name being yelled in a room full of strangers” to “You’re a pathological liar.” That said, maybe she’s had BFs lie to her in the past – it could be a trigger for her.
Otherwise? Wild overreaction.” Specific-Succotash-8
13. AITJ For Wanting A Sober Party At My Apartment?
“I’m a 21 M college student who learned after almost a year that I was a heavy drinker. I was drinking every day and getting at least mildly inebriated on most days of the week, trashed once or twice a week.
It was causing my grades and attendance to slip and I noticed I was starting to use it as an emotional coping mechanism, which is bad bad bad. I also learned my dad used to be a heavy drinker so the genetics are there.
On top of this, I can be super annoying and obnoxious when inebriated. I haven’t done anything devastating but I can’t control myself and how much I drink when drinking.
On one occasion, I had poured a little bit of beer on my friend’s sweatshirt (I would’ve purchased them a new sweatshirt if needed though) and most recently, I was just being annoying and passed out on the floor.
With this in mind, most of my friends from my friend group don’t want to be near me when I’ve had even one sip of booze and have threatened to stop being friends with me if I drink in their presence.
I already accepted being a heavy drinker but this was scary to me so this made me double down on the choice to stop drinking.
Fast forwarding to now, I want to host a smaller party this weekend and I don’t want any booze or inebriation, just because I don’t want to tempt myself.
I don’t have a problem with them getting inebriated anywhere else but knowing myself, I don’t think I’m ready considering I just started going sober a few days ago (on my fourth day right now).
The problem is that some of my friends think it’s unfair for me to demand other people to not drink because I have a problem with drinking.
I think I’m being perfectly reasonable since it’s MY apartment. I may be the only one who is capable of hosting but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s my house, my rules. It would hurt but I’d rather them have their party and exclude me so they can drink.
AITJ? I think I’ll eventually be ready to be around booze and people drinking but it’s only been 4 days… so yeah. advice?”
Another User Comments:
“Four days is super early my dude. I’d ask a close friend if they want to hang out this weekend instead of planning a party.
With a bunch of dumb 21-year-olds who depend on booze in social situations, a sober party would likely not go great. Stick with those you trust and who support you while you’re learning how to navigate life sober. Good for you!” one kate
Another User Comments:
“First, congrats on your sobriety! It’s not an easy road, but you already took the hardest step. That being said… yikes. Your friends are the jerks there. You should stay away from booze right now. If you are HOSTING IN YOUR APARTMENT, it’s entirely up to you.
You are not preventing them from having fun all the time. You are only asking for a little support from them while you adjust. That’s something your real friends should be glad to support. NTJ. I hope you can find a better friend who will understand and put your need above their desire to party or find a way to make them understand what you are going through.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I come from a family of addicts. Thankfully I didn’t go down that route but do understand how hard it is. You need to look after yourself first before you can make anyone else happy. Those friends who think it’s unfair may have a problem themselves.
You can very certainly have a dry party if you want it. If anyone has a problem, they’re welcome to not come. This may also be the time to pick your friends wisely. If you think some will drag you down, time to let them go.” Brilliant-Arthur
12. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Ungrateful Friend To Her Car Registration Appointment?
“My former friend Jacq (F 38) had been overseas for a few months and in that time her car registration expired. The nearest place she could have an appointment for renewal was over 2.5 hours away.
Being helpful, I (M 35) was happy to offer to drive her the 5-hour round trip so she could get back on the road as long as she paid for petrol (road trips are fun). The night before we were out to dinner with a friend, and she reminded me the appointment was at 2 pm.
8 am the next morning, she messaged me asking when I was coming to pick her up. I told her maybe around 11 am so we had time to stop for fuel or food if needed. She went crazy saying that was far too late and we would never have time to meet up with her family for tea and hang out on the farm before the appointment.
This is where it gets murky, she claims she reminded me of this but I couldn’t find any mention of it in our texts or remember her saying it the night before. I told her I was at the gym but could be home and ready to go by 9 am.
Mid-rushing around trying to get home and ready, she kept sending abusive texts. I told her I was happy to still drive her but wouldn’t be mistreated while I was doing her a favor. She said I should go to heck myself and if I wasn’t at hers very quickly, she’d just get the bus.
I said if she wasn’t going to be nice, the bus was for the best. She compromised saying she’d let me drive her but would not talk to me the whole drive. I told her to enjoy her bus ride.
The fallout for all this is she stole my wallet and ran it over with her car when she got it back and hasn’t talked to me for almost a year.”
Another User Comments:
“Her behavior is unhinged. Why are you inviting her back into your life? In fact, why do you think you *can* invite her back into your life? You’re blocked. She’s not talking to you. Are you planning to just send her this post unprompted?
She’s not a good person to be around, but if you think posting this situation on AITJ without her permission or knowledge is a good way to rekindle the friendship, everyone’s a jerk here. Leave her alone.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I hope she had a miserable bus journey.
If someone is doing you a favor then you should be grateful and not have a go at them. I get that she would be a bit worried about leaving on a two-and-a-half-hour journey just three hours before an appointment especially if you are talking of stopping to get fuel.
But there are much better ways of trying to leave a little earlier such as asking nicely rather than kicking off about it all. How on earth did she ever get hold of your wallet in the first place? I don’t think you are missing out by her not talking to you for the last year.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“Oddly enough, everyone’s a jerk here. Even leaving at 11 with an appt at 2.. there is no way 2.5 hrs was going to be enough time. Not sure about you but I always add 30 mins to an hour for traffic because you have no idea what can happen.
Depending on how long she even had to wait for this appointment, missing it could mean months before she gets another one. Though her reaction? Over the top. I get the stress of needing to get the registration done and trying to balance everything around that but that doesn’t give her a pass to tell you to check yourself or turn abusive however she did that.
The actual issue though I think is her wanting to spend time with family beforehand and you not knowing that (or forgetting). You’re doing her a favor by taking her out there. She doesn’t need to be using a taxi service to drive her around.
She can always see her family AFTER she does her car registration.” Primary-Tie-4635
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay More Than 50/50 For A Joint Roof Replacement?
“I moved into a house built in the 1960s just under a year ago, my attached neighbors have been nothing but nice, they are quiet, considerate, and generally nice people.
My roof is old and has many age/weather-related issues which I was thinking about getting fixed until my neighbor said he had planned on getting whole new roof tiles put on his and wondered if I did too as the contractor would give a small discount for having 2 jobs next to each other at once as it would save time and labor costs which he could pass on to us.
I said I could be interested but it would just depend on cost as we are still recovering financially from the move and bits we’ve had to fix out of pocket on top of an increased mortgage due to interest rates in the UK.
My neighbor said OK leave it with me he can get a free quote for just his half and both houses and I can make up my mind when we have the quote.
Perfect I said.
A few weeks go by and I see my neighbor before work and he says he’s had the quote come back and told me the price verbally for my part I said that doesn’t sound too bad actually.
I asked if I could see a copy of the quote he was given and he immediately shifted a bit and said er sure thing, when I looked at it I could see the cost he quoted me was not 50/50 it was closer to 60/40 my way.
I asked about it and he said he should pay slightly less as he’s doing all the leg work getting quotes and everything booked in.
My immediate thought was this didn’t feel right and I expressed my concerns but he got defensive and started saying it’s common for this to happen (I’ve never heard of this which is why I may be a jerk here) but For now I’ve said I’ll think about it but it’s getting close now to when the contractor needs a yes/no to get it booked in at the price quoted.
Would I be the jerk for not paying 60/40 and wanting a 50/50 split?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your neighbor is pulling a fast one. I am in the UK and I have never heard of this before except when there is a con going on. Your neighbor has done nothing more than ask the builder for a quote, he has not spent any money on this.
Offer 50/50 or no deal” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any benefit you get from this deal is wiped out by you now having to pay a higher percentage. Let’s say it was a 10% discount on a $40,000 job for both houses combined, bringing it to $36,000.
By splitting that 60/40, you’re paying $21,600–which would be more if you were getting the roof done on your own. So not only would you be spending money you don’t want to spend, but there’s no benefit to you doing it now. Without you, he would have to pay full price.
That is his incentive and the benefit for him to do the work to get the quote (a quote you wouldn’t have wanted to get now anyway, so again, not something that truly benefits you.” Sure_Feature4629
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The neighbor is getting a cheaper job if you get the same work done.
Win-Win. I’ve never heard of someone paying less because they did the leg work, but if he thinks this should be the case then he should have been upfront about it, not be deceitful.” ElectricalTip4614
10. AITJ For Being Unwilling To Help My Little Sister With Her Piano Performance?
“I (15F) am in year 9 and my little sister, let’s call her Melody, (12.5 F) is in year 7.
We go to the same school.
Melody is very musical and is exceptionally good at the piano. She is the pianist for many school events and plays the violin in the school consort.
I play the piano and violin too but I am not that invested into it since personally I focus on academics.
So Melody enrolled in this school music competition, which is tomorrow. One of her events is a group event with 2 friends (one of whom I am also friends with), and she is playing the piano. They have been rehearsing it for ages.
Today, Melody suddenly says she needs my help to turn the pages as she couldn’t manage herself.
She could have asked someone who was there to help her if she had raised this up earlier. She should have known there was a problem much earlier. Also she had bugged me before to come to the event, to which I politely refused.
This means that I need to give up my morning to help her instead of doing schoolwork.
I was so furious but felt bad if I explicitly say no.
Then I rehearsed with her as a page-turner. After a while, she criticized me about my armpit hair. It wasn’t horrible, but I was trying to get it over and done with because I need to study.
Then I grumpily told her not to waste my time and then she got mad at me. She said I was selfish for not wanting to help her.
My mum was there too, and she was neutral. She said she didn’t support my sister, but also pointed out that I should get used to helping people who are unpleasant to me if I want to be a psychiatrist in the future.
Background: Melody had bullied me vigorously throughout the past two years. Recently this problem has gotten a bit better since my mum put an anti-bullying reward system in place.
Also, she didn’t even say sorry for her very late notice and thank you.
But I also think I might be selfish.
Melody calls me that a lot and I do feel guilty for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your sister you aren’t going to help her because of her insults. Tell her to stop calling you selfish because it’s just her annoyed that she’s not getting her way.
She is in fact the selfish one. Tell your mom that psychiatry is something you will learn to do, but regardless, if a patient treated you the way your sister does, you would simply send them on their way to find a new psychiatrist. If a patient bullies a psychiatrist, they aren’t required to keep working with them.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Mom’s a jerk for not parenting, Melody’s a jerk for complaining while being given help she asked for, and you’re a jerk on the DL because your mom is right on the point about being a psychiatrist. If helping your sister practice piano is too much, imagine trying to help someone processing losing a loved one, or keeping someone from self-harm.” Tschudy
9. AITJ For Banning My Aunt-In-Law From My Wedding If She Won't Leave Her Phone Behind?
“Ok, so for context my partner and I are getting married early next year. We have been engaged for several years and due to some life circumstances we have had a long engagement, which to be honest has been a blessing.
Anyway, our family and friends have all been excited since we finally set a date, and of course, we are also excited to finally celebrate our day. Now my Aunt in Law is a bit of a socialite who does not respect people’s boundaries especially if it gets in the way of her creating content.
She has been to several weddings and because “it’s good content” she has taken many photos of the bride and posted them straight away not caring that some of these photos aren’t so flattering of the bride and the couple had not posted their wedding photos first (this became a pretty big blow out argument because she read the message exchange to me).
My partner and I have agreed that we want an unplugged ceremony and because I have no faith that she won’t try to sneak her phone into the ceremony I said I’d like it if all phones were kept in a designated area where we have assigned a person to manage them being signed in & out.
My partner agreed and was more than happy to go along with the plan.
We’ve told everyone, no complaints, people understood…. All but the Aunt…. She told us “No, I will not be leaving my phone anywhere, it will stay with me.”
I suggested leaving it in her car (secured parking) and that no one else had an issue with this but she is adamant that she will be bringing her phone into the ceremony.
Put simply, I don’t trust that she won’t take photos of us during the ceremony and get in the way of our videographer and photographer, I know she will post photos before we do and I know that if she is confronted on the day she will cause a scene.
This is why I need advice – WIBTJ for setting the boundary and letting her know that if she cannot leave her phone then she won’t be able to come OR do I just let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I’d still watch her closely as she turns in her obsolete iPhone 8, but pulls out her new iPhone 15 and starts taking pictures.
Or hide it under her shirt with the camera exposed. It may help to explicitly tell her that you will confiscate her phone and force her to delete ALL wedding photos. If she agrees, then she can come. Otherwise, bye, bye. Your wedding. Your rules.
Especially if they’re applied equally.” AppropriateScience71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Head this one off at the pass. You KNOW what she’ll do, that she’s doubling down with insisting on having her phone tell you all you need to know. She will disrupt the wedding and she WILL do exactly what you’re hoping to avoid.
Stand firm. Don’t let it go.” ZeldaT-artist
Another User Comments:
“No, you would not be the jerk. You aren’t singling her out. You are requesting this of everyone. If she can’t follow the request you set then she can’t come. In this day of constant distraction,n I think this is a great idea.
I could see if someone said hey I’m leaving my kids with a babysitter and need them to be able to reach me but that’s not the case here.” MunchkinD13
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend's Spoiled Partner After She Insulted My Pregnancy?
“I (35F) have been friends with Alex and Adam (twins 35M) since our moms were pregnant with us. Grew up together including them being only 3 days older than I am. Alex got engaged several months ago and the wedding is the weekend before Halloween.
I love his fiance, Kelly (30F) she’s a beautiful human. Adam started seeing a girl a few weeks ago, Jordan (28F). Jordan is the definition of a spoiled brat. An only child who has never been told no and is quite obnoxious about daddy’s money.
Alex and Kelly have their wedding planned already and are just waiting for the day to arrive. Ever since Jordan came into the picture she’s been trying to insert herself into the wedding. I’m currently 6 months pregnant with my third and final kid.
My other two littles will be ring bearers and my husband and I are both in the wedding party. Jordan has pulled Kelly aside more than a few times asking to replace me as a bridesmaid so I don’t “ruin the aesthetic” of the wedding.
Kelly declines every time because we’re family at this point.
Kelly has told me each time she’s done this and spoken to both Alex and Adam. Alex as her fiance has taken her side, but Adam is staying neutral at best, avoidant at worst. My husband and I had both couples over last night for a chill dinner.
Jordan immediately upon seeing said I looked like a beached whale. So 6 months pregnant, not exactly small but I’m size 6 when not pregnant. I was livid. I told her at some point my belly would go away but she was stuck with her ugly personality and kicked her out of my house.
Kelly, Alex, and my husband all think I was within my right to throw her out, even if what I said wasn’t exactly nice. Jordan did some more name-calling and yelling before dragging Adam by the arm out of the house. I told him he could stay if he wanted and she called me a “partner-stealing mean girl.” Doesn’t make sense but ok.
Today Adam texted me saying I took a low blow and needed to apologize for being a jerk to Jordan. I don’t feel like apologizing, but am curious, was I out of line.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jordan is trying to replace you with her.
Not even a little bit okay. Tell Adam that you love him and you want to be happy with him and Jordan, but he needs to take a step back and look at the *facts* of the situation. The facts here are that Jordan is trying to replace you in the wedding, and came to your house and did a VERY ‘low blow’ insulting your pregnant body.
So if she wants to give you a REAL GENUINE apology for trying to kick you out of the wedding, for overstepping into your friendship with Kelly, and for insulting your body while a guest in your own home, you’ll consider apologizing to her for your comment.
Until then, as far as you’re concerned, the less you see her the better. And while you know she’s his partner, you suggest he try to mentally step back- imagine that this wasn’t someone he loved but just like two random people he knows. One tries to get the other kicked out of a wedding and, while a guest in that person’s home, insults their pregnant body.
Who would he say is ‘wrong’ there? It’s a rhetorical question you don’t want him to answer, just think about itt.” SirEDCaLot
7. AITJ For Ignoring My Chronically Ill Father's Late Night Requests For Snacks?
“I (19F) grew up in a household where you helped your parents out with everything, respected your parent’s wishes, and did as you were told. My father (57M) Is a rather large man in width and has chronic illnesses such as Asthma, COPD, and Arthritis.
He also smokes which causes him to be short of breath and struggles to walk more than 13 steps. In recent years he has become incredibly needy and dependent on myself and my mother which I feel has put strains on our relationship.
He has gotten into the habit of calling and texting me at ridiculous times of the night to ask for sweets, Chocolate, fizzy drinks, etc. Which is not doing him any favors but who am I to judge?
At first, I did as I was asked as I thought it was an emergency i.e. couldn’t breathe or fell over and was conditioned in the way mentioned above.
But more recently I have been putting myself first, going to bed earlier as I study at university, work full time, and need to make space for myself.
I have been ignoring his messages past 11 pm as he can surely get up and do it himself. My father consistently tells me how much he needs my help with things as he ‘ can’t manage’ and requires me to constantly help him, attend appointments, go shopping, etc. The man has not stepped into the shop since the recent health crisis and has become incredibly lazy.
When I ignore his messages and calls he will tell me in the morning. ” I was trying to get hold of you last night why don’t you answer”. To which I will say because I was asleep.
My mother (44F) and I have addressed the issue with him multiple times about not being able to be self-sufficient, not helping out in the household, and constantly relying on other people to cater to his needs.
He will retort with some rather emotionally manipulative responses like “You’re both intrinsic and selfish” ” I’ll remember that when you want something” or “You’re ganging up on me”.
I think he’s acting like a child and I’m doing right by ignoring him. I hate taking family laundry to the internet but a verdict is a verdict AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is. Accusing you and your mother of being selfish when he embodies all those qualities himself. He needs to start working on his issues instead of everyone else adapting to them. He’ll end up alienating himself from everyone as no one wants to be around a mess like that.” Esatron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My father is severely ill and lives on his own. He has to get his food himself because he lives alone all by himself. And for a smoker, COPD is 100% self-induced. And by the way, nobody needs sweets in the middle of the night.
He sabotages your educational progress.” HypersomnicHysteric
6. AITJ For Prioritizing My Studies Over House Chores Amidst My Mom's Injury and Constant Distractions at Home?
“Around a month ago, my mom injured her leg, and her doctor recommended a week of rest with a cast. However, she decided to remove the cast herself, thinking the doctor’s advice wasn’t genuine.
She even cleaned the whole house, worsening her pain.
I’ve been doing my best to assist her by taking on chores like cleaning, doing the dishes, and handling the laundry. It’s essential to note that she’s also doing her best despite her pain.
Here’s the challenge: I have significant pre-board exams coming up, and there’s a lot of pressure in my family regarding grades.
Anything below 90% is considered subpar, but I’m the one who faces this pressure. I attend one of the top schools in my state, which is financially burdensome for my family. They make considerable sacrifices to provide for me and my sister, and I feel guilty for not performing well academically.
The issue is that my family makes it challenging for me to study. They often distract me by insisting I attend family events, playing the TV loudly, and not addressing my sister’s loud singing right next to me. They also tend to argue right outside my room, making it extremely difficult to concentrate.
Finding a quiet place to study is becoming increasingly difficult.
This morning, my mom asked me to clean the house as soon as I woke up. I wanted to finish quickly to get back to my studies, but she was upset when I was done.
She accused me of betrayal and called me a backstabber because I didn’t clean the house to her satisfaction. She even made hurtful comments about my family’s background.
I’m feeling overwhelmed and confused. I want to excel in my exams, and my mom’s injury, coupled with the constant distractions at home, is making it exceptionally challenging.
The pressure is immense, as my ability to take my board exams depends on my performance in these preboards.
I’m also worried about the consequences if I get a lower grade, I’ll face criticism, and they’ll take away my phone. They tell our relatives that I never study and only sit with my books open so that people think that I study.
Now my mom won’t talk to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your primary responsibility is to yourself. Very specifically, to ensure for yourself the best possible start to your chosen life path. Which right now means studying. How well you do on these exams may define your life.
That you don’t assist in household chores may temporarily inconvenience your parents. Those two things do not carry equal weight. That you even consider that they might, indicate that your parents have prioritized their needs and wants over your future. You should not. Can you live somewhere else from now until your exams are completed?
A hotel, even? Your future is worth spending savings on. If not – get good sound-blocking headphones and try to find some way to lock your door. Then study. Only study. No guilt. In every way possible, temporarily simply do not engage with your parents.
Take care of yourself. Prioritize your future. You are worth it. Good luck. I’m rooting for you hard.” Some-Selection1811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s always got expectations and criticisms of you, holding you to a high academic standard but actively hindering you from actually working to maintain that high standard.
Is there a counselor at school you can talk to? Will your relatives understand the pressure and catch 22 your mother subjects you to if you present your side of the story to them?” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother has created more of a problem for herself by not listening to the doctor and putting herself in more pain.
You’re not responsible for her choices, she is. Side note. you may not like to hear this, but just from your description your mother seems toxic… it may be worth considering how much energy you pour into this relationship when you’re already spread so thin trying to excel in school.” SweetLemonLollipop
5. AITJ For Having My Neighbor's Guest's Car Towed For Blocking My Mailbox?
“I have a neighbor whose guest blocks my mailbox when they visit (2-3 times a week). Everyone’s lawn is fairly large and they technically have plenty of space to park in front of my neighbor’s house, so while I find it weird that they’d rather park in front of my home I wouldn’t fuss over just that.
My problem is my son has medications that get delivered via USPS bi-weekly. Twice I’ve received an “undeliverable” notice from the mailwoman because of the car blocking my mailbox so often. I have already been next door multiple times to speak to the neighbor about it and explain the situation to them.
I only asked that they don’t park there during mail delivery hours so I can make sure I’m actually getting my mail, especially since my work schedule doesn’t usually afford me the ability to just go to the post office to pick up undelivered mail immediately.
They seemed nice enough about it but the behavior hadn’t changed.
Yesterday it happened again. So instead of going back over there I called the non-emergency line to file a complaint and told them what was going on. I’d already called them a few days before to ask what my options were and was told the driver could be ticketed if police were called out there because blocking the mailbox (or parking within 15 feet of a residential mailbox) is against the local ordinance.
I did not know the police could either ticket or tow the car at their discretion, so when I called I was expecting them to get a light ticket.
Well the officer that came out decided to tow it. Now my neighbor is angry and demanding I reimburse them at least partially for the towing & storage fees because I could have just asked them to move the car instead of calling the police.
I do feel bad because I wasn’t expecting the car to be towed but my thing is I’ve already asked multiple times for them to not block my mailbox during delivery hours. Part of me wants to just give them some money because I’m not trying to cause issues with my neighbors, but another part of me doesn’t feel like it’s my fault even though I’m the one that called the police.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already made the case for your neighbor about not blocking your mailbox during delivery hours. You were ignored. Now they are angry at the consequences. There is not a lot you can do for them short of being a complete doormat.
Give them the money they demand, and they’ll just keep blocking your mailbox. You shouldn’t have to ask them to move their car every time it prevents delivery of your son’s meds — once should have been enough.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you had a valid request with an extremely good reason.
You were nice and polite and they and their friend outright ignored you when it was a small and reasonable request. Please don’t give them any money. It’s 100% their fault for continuing to park there. It wasn’t going to stop until you did this.” _gadget_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a problem that was interrupting the supply of your son’s medication. You asked nicely for them to get their guest to stop breaking the local laws and park outside their place. They didn’t. Were it me, I might have asked one more time but you were absolutely within your rights to do it.
It could just have been a cop driving through on patrol, outcome would have been the same. Would not expect a Christmas card from your neighbor this year, but at least you’ll be able to check your mailbox for it.” Relevant_doom
4. AITJ For Telling My Crying Nephew "You're Fine" During a Family Trip?
“We went on a family trip a couple of months back. It was to celebrate my 1-year-old nephew’s birthday. My brother, his wife, and the baby showed up feeling under the weather. By the end of the trip, I was feeling very unwell. It was hard for me to even get up and go in the mornings.
And the days were hard.
I have never had a great relationship with my older brother, but we have tried to make it work. He just had his first child, and ever since then has acted like a complete tyrant, along with his wife.
I was getting dressed that morning.
We had 7 people in a cabin with one bathroom. It took us 45 minutes to get out the door. Myself, my mother, my brother’s wife were all getting dressed when the baby started to get upset because he was hungry.
We were out the door swiftly after that.
Maybe about ten minutes. My brother put the baby in the car in the meantime to drive around to try and calm him.
When we all got in the car, minutes later, he was still crying. I told my nephew in a very gentle, nurturing way: “You’re fine” because it made me sad to hear him cry.
I did not maliciously say this and had zero malintent. I was genuinely trying to comfort the baby.
My brother freaked out on me – and said “He’s not fine, he is crying” and started driving like a maniac. When we got to our destination – he screamed at my mother and me in public and said we were disrespecting his 1-year-old son, even though his wife was also getting dressed. He said I was especially disrespectful since I told his son “You’re fine” when he was not.
Since then, my brother has been talking major trash about me to other family members and barely has anything to do with me. If he has anything to do with me, he is rude and belittling to me. It has made me want nothing to do with him or his family since this isn’t the first time he has treated me badly over what I see to be benign.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did the best thing. You remained calm and tried to calm the baby. Babies cry just because all the time. My little brother would be playing just fine one minute then a second later he’s bawling his eyes out.
One time it was because a butterfly was pretty and he wanted to be able to fly and it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t pretty and didn’t have wings to fly.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is practically psychological warfare !! He’s playing with your words, even if there were only three of them.
Manipulating the public to believe and agree on the fact that you had offended him. Unrightfully so, In return making it seem like you completely deserved such horrible, out-proportioned mistreatment. ( He’s likely got a lot of built-up + undiagnosed anger. ) Trust me when I say I relate to you.
My sister is just as explosively insidious. But don’t worry. In all reality, they have it worse than us with their toxic mentality. PS. Wishing you the best!” Xteriyah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds completely unhinged. I say “you’re okay” so much to my 7-month-old daughter or my 3-year-old son that my son will go up to my daughter and be like “You’re okay baby”.
He walks around patting his baby doll saying that, he also always makes sure to say “I’m okay!” if he falls or something. I’m sure I tell my kids they’re okay (or fine) hundreds of times a month for reasons ranging from them just being grumpy or crying to them getting a little hurt.” Twallot
3. AITJ For Buying My Partner's Niece A Dress Without Asking Her Mom First?
“I (27F) recently met my partner’s (I’ll call her Jade – 25F) family. We have been seeing each other for 6 months now, and I met them around a month ago. We don’t hang out much, but we did seem to leave a good impression on one another.
While we were out shopping with Jade, she called her sister Jennifer (30F) to join us. She did. She also brought her daughter Amber (7yo). I don’t like shopping so they decided to go enjoy the stores and they left Amber to hang out with me.
I don’t have much of an idea what an aunt is supposed to do with a kid. I’m an only child, and I was always the youngest in my family and there were no younger cousins or something around. However, I like Jade and I would love to have a great relationship with her family.
So we went out to the park where Amber played in the playground. We then got ice cream and decided to look at the stores in the mall. Amber helped me pick out some items for myself and Jade.
Now while we were walking around, Amber said she loved the princess dress in one of those stores.
She asked to go look at it. She loved it. So I bought it. That’s pretty much how my brain works when I go shopping.
When Jade and Jen called and said they were done, we met up at the parking lot and Amber showed her mom the dress we bought.
Jen seemed kind of upset and said she couldn’t accept it and had to pay for it. I said it was a gift and a small thank you to Amber for keeping me company.
Jen said I should have called her and asked her for permission before buying something for her daughter out of the blue.
She also said I needed to acknowledge that I shouldn’t be the person Amber goes to when she hears no from her parents. She seemed extremely upset when we parted even though I apologised and said it won’t happen again.
I feel like an absolute jerk.
Jade told me it was sweet but I still feel like I messed up my whole relationship with Jen. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! She left her kid with someone she barely knew. She is not a responsible parent! You are a nice person.
Don’t question that! If my 5yo tricked somebody into buying something I said no to, I will tell her it’s her very lucky day, that she is a lucky spoiled girl and to say thank you! I will be thankful and happy that my kid had a great time” ThatWeirdCatLady1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Were you supposed to know her mother said no to the princess dress or is she referring to paying for the dress? You did nothing wrong buying the girl a dress she likes. If her mother didn’t want you to buy her anything, why did she bring her shopping?
That’s not a judgment on the mom, it’s a legitimate question for any moms in these comments. When you bring your child to the mall, you mention she isn’t there to buy anything for the person watching her, right?” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ how were you supposed to know she had been told no she couldn’t have the dress? There’s a difference between buying something that’s not going to do any harm as a treat for a child and then buying food or something because maybe you don’t know the kid’s allergies.
I wouldn’t let what her sister said upset you that bad she’ll get over it. And if she doesn’t…oh well.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Wife With Our Kids' Halloween Costumes?
“My wife 29F always makes the kids Halloween costumes. We have 3 kids 5F 7M and 9M. She did not have an amazing childhood and so I think she is constantly trying to make sure our kids do.
She home makes every birthday cake, DIYs the birthday decorations, makes pajamas for every holiday and always home makes the Halloween costume. She also does these theme monthly movie nights, where she creates this whole scene. For example this month was Coraline, she made custom dolls for each kid, welcome home cake and the whole food spread.
This is all great but the problem is she expects me to help. All our kids are in activities, we both have full time careers, and I believe she stretches herself thin trying to do all this. And also expects me to. We have the money to just go out and buy stuff so I don’t get why we have to do so much.
She says these are the things the kids will remember.
Anyway this all came to head as I’ve been out of town most of the month for work so she’s had to shoulder the full responsibility of the kids. This caused her to be behind on making the costumes and she’s stressed. She was asking me if I’d be able to create one of the costumes for her, she has the supplies and can walk me through.
The problem is I just don’t feel like it. I told her we can go get a cheap costume, it’s not a big deal.
Well she refused and was up all night finishing these costumes. I told her this morning that they looked awesome and she just rolled her eyes.
She was making coffee and I asked if she’d make me a cup, she replied go buy one. She’s been distant and cold. I was talking to my coworker and he called me out. Saying my wife is right, my kids will remember the effort my wife put in and they’ll also remember how hard I made it for her.
Now I’m feeling off, like maybe I am the jerk. But at the same time I usually do help a bit, I was thinking this one time wouldn’t be a big deal since we were both tired.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Even if this isn’t something that you prioritize all the time, you could have helped her with the costume because it’s important to her.
But, beyond that, your attitude about your wife’s efforts is just terrible. She’s working her hardest to show the kids they’re a priority to her, and making really fun and special memories for them. And all you have to say about it is that it’s a waste of time?
The fact that you don’t appreciate and support her efforts is just really, really sad. What do you propose she do with the extra time she would save by not making things special for the kids? What do you do to spend time with your kids and show them you care?
Your coworker is right – the way you’re behaving must be making your wife so, so sad.edit: BTW – She’s been taking care of the kids most of the month by herself so you can go out of town and further your career. Do you do the same for her?
Or is she expected to be the one to take off work every time the kids need something? It really seems like you take her for granted.” HomelyHobbit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – “I don’t feel like it” isn’t really a valid response.
Do you do *anything* to help her out? Buy supplies for her so she doesn’t have to run to the store. Shoulder more of the household chores so she can spend more time on the costumes. You can compromise here.” Ok_Job_9417
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife sounds amazing. Like extra awesome. I’d think real hard about how long your go the extra mile, talented, generous wife will put up with your indifference and lack of contribution. Also, she’s right. Your kids will never forget what she does for them.
They will also remember how you scorned her efforts. Sounds like your wife has built an amazing and loving family. It would be kinda cool if you joined it.” StacyB125
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Trip My Partner Planned Without My Consent?
“I (22F) live with my partner (26M). Together, we are almost 7 years old. I have had panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I always try not to show or control them, but this situation is hard for me.
On the other hand, I cannot understand if my partner doesn’t understand me or if he doesn’t want to understand. When I’m having a panic attack and it’s quite bad, he tells me something like “stop crying” or “Can you be normal?” and I tell him that’s not helping me.
When I’m analyzing him, it looks like he’s manipulating someone. Yesterday I came back from work and he asked me if I’d make him dinner, and I told him, “Please make yourself; I’m tired.” Then he went to the kitchen, and I could hear him saying, “She cannot make me dinner because she is tired. What kind of relationship is that?” Or he always tells me about gym girls who are beautiful because they go to the gym.
(I’m not going to the gym, but I love dancing, and that’s my hobby.) Okay, moving forward, I’m afraid of planes and flying. Two weeks ago, my partner texted me and told me, “We are going on vacation with my family. I already bought tickets if you don’t want to go with us.
My sister didn’t want you to go, but if you don’t go, then we should break up.” I don’t like the fact that I cannot choose if I want to go or not because he already bought tickets and his family does not want me there.
Well, a few days ago, I started getting panic attacks. I cannot sleep or eat. I’ve been crying all those days, and I’m crying now. I talk to him a lot, but it looks like he has some limits because he listens to me and then his patience is over and he starts screaming at me.
Today he came up to me and said, “Can you stop being so dramatic and childish?” After these words, I think something snapped in me. I cannot look at him the way I used to. I really do not want to go with them, and he’s threatening to break up with me.
I told him that I’d pay my half, but I didn’t want to go. So AITJ for not wanting to go on the trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to get away from this person. This relationship is unhealthy and toxic on so many levels and you don’t realize it only because you were 15 and he was 19 when this started – you have no experience what healthy relationship look like and he is abusing this.
You are unhappy. You sound depressed and anxious and you probably need to seek professional help. But above else, you need to distance yourself from him and I think you realize this now as well. Run, sister.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Firstly dump him as he sounds awful and is making you worse.
You shouldn’t have to put up with the way he treats you. Don’t go on the trip. He brought the tickets without asking you so he can get a refund. Also it sounds like you could do with some help as your anxiety and panic attacks seem to be having a real impact on your life.
If you aren’t already look into some counselling to help you deal with them and not try to do it all yourself.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is an abusive and manipulative jerk and you need to run from him. Does he want to break up?
Let him. Him threatening you with a breakup itself makes him the jerk here. Already paid for the trip? Not your fault in any way. He should have asked you before doing that. Screaming at you and invalidating your panic attacks are just cruel. Please run away from from.
You are NOT his maid to cook him dinner. Why is she expecting you to cook at all? He has got a working pair of hands and a brain right? He can cook for himself. You aren’t his maid. Him muttering about you making him cook comes under manipulation again.
He is trying to guilt trip you into cooking for him.” FourLeafClover1997
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