People Hope We'll Be Forthright With Them After Reading Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Conversation With My Brother-In-Law?
“Yesterday, my brother-in-law and my husband’s uncle stayed for dinner. I don’t want to be around my brother-in-law and I didn’t trust myself not to say something rude to him so I decided to excuse myself and said I was going to go to sleep because I was tired.
The reason I don’t want to be around my brother-in-law is because he was going out with my best friend and he treated her poorly. He had an affair and has been treating her terribly since finding out she’s pregnant.
My husband doesn’t want me to get involved in their issues as he doesn’t think I know the full story so I’ve been trying not to say something to his brother that I might regret later on but it’s been difficult.
After they left, my husband confronted me about lying. He said I had made things awkward and that if I was going to pull a stunt like that again I should at least make my excuse seem believable. He said I had embarrassed him in front of his uncle, who kept asking if something had happened to make me not want to have dinner with them.
I wouldn’t apologize to him or commit to not doing it again, so he’s still upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your spouse knows you have a problem with his brother and wants you to keep peace with his brother.
So, he should know better than to put you in a position where you have to socialize with his brother. Tell your spouse that if he wants you to stay out of it, he shouldn’t expect you to hang out with his brother.” muffiewrites
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is a tough situation to balance: Your right to not deal with jerks in your own home vs his right to have his brother there. Just let your husband know that the next time he tries to force you into a social situation with his brother, it WILL all come out, in front of whoever is there, so he can take his choice: Either respect your wishes to maintain distance or be prepared for the fireworks.
No third options negotiable.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ‘pull a stunt.’ You declined to have dinner with a jerk in your home. Your husband should be grateful you excused yourself as opposed to calling his brother out in front of their uncle.
As such your husband should be thanking you and needs to understand he’s on notice as to what could happen the next time his brother darkens your door.” Jovon35
21. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner For Tweaking Recipes?
“I (26M) live with my partner (27F) of four years, and we try to split all grocery shopping and cooking duties equally.
We both like cooking well enough and pay for subscriptions to several recipe websites (Epicurious, NY Times) and consider it an investment because sometimes there’s really creative stuff there. Especially since we’ve had to cut back on food spending recently and eating out often isn’t viable, it’s nice to have some decent options if we’re feeling in the mood for something better than usual. (I make it sound like we’re snobs but we eat box macaroni like once a week.)
Because we work different hours, even though we’re both WFH we almost never cook together, so I didn’t find out until recently that she makes tweaks to basically every recipe she cooks. I had a suspicion for a while that she did this because I would use the same recipe to make something she did previously, and it would turn out noticeably different, but I brushed it off as her having more experience than me.
But last week I had vet’s day off on a day she always had off, and we decided to cook together because the chance to do it doesn’t come up often. I like to have the recipe on my tablet, and while I was prepping stuff I kept noticing how she’d do things out of order or make substitutions for no reason and barely even glanced at the recipe.
It got to the point I was concerned she was going off the rails, so I would try to gently point out when she’d do things like put in red pepper when the recipe doesn’t call for it or twice the salt.
She dismissed it saying that we both prefer spicier food or that the recipe didn’t call for enough salt to make it taste good because they were trying to make it look healthier for the nutrition section (???). It’s not like I think her food tastes bad/too salty but I genuinely don’t understand what the point of the recipe or paying for the subs is if she’s going to just make stuff up, and there’s always a chance she’s going to ruin it and waste food if she changes something.
I got annoyed and said that the recipe was written with what it has for a reason, and she said she knows what we like (like I don’t?), so I said she didn’t know better than the professional chefs who make the recipes we use (& neither do I obviously).
She got really offended and said I always ‘did this’ and when I asked what ‘this’ was she said I also got mad at her once because she’d make all the bits left over after cooking into weird Frankenstein meals.
I barely remembered this until she brought up that time she made parm grilled cheese and I wouldn’t even eat it (she mixed tomato paste, parm, & a bit of mayo to make a cheese filling because it was all we had… yeah I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot pole even though she claimed it tasted good).
She called me ‘stiff’ and closed-minded so I said I didn’t get why she couldn’t follow directions, even kids can follow a recipe, and it’s been almost a week and we’re both still sore about it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It bothers you, doesn’t it, that your partner has more culinary knowledge and a better palate than you. She can read a recipe and know there’s not enough salt or it’s lacking spice or that this other herb or spice is not listed but compliments what is already there.
She can take random leftovers and craft a tasty meal out of them. Your partner is a gem, and you’re being a jerk to her for not following a recipe to a letter.” senoritarosalita
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When cooking, not baking, a recipe can be followed or it can be a guide.
You can leave things out, throw things in, and triple the amount of garlic because honestly, 2 cloves are just not what your heart demands. You need to start watching cooking competitions. They don’t measure anything. They literally just throw things in and taste along the way.
You use the recipe as a guide until you begin to feel comfortable with cooking. Once you’re comfortable then you can branch out and learn and grow.
She sounds like she is more comfortable in the kitchen than you are and you’re berating her for it.” chocolate_zz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
People that have good cooking sense substitute all the time. You obviously like her food and you’re only upset because her food is better because she tweaks the recipe. Your frustration about paying for cooking publications that aren’t being followed exactly is a poor excuse to justify criticizing her.
I’m also seeing an underlying problem here. Based on what you said this isn’t the first time you’ve been unreasonably uptight about something in your relationship. Her saying ‘You always do this’ makes me think she’s already fed up with the ridiculousness.
She’s obviously been doing this a while, and I have a hunch she’s never told you because she knew you’d act like a toddler about it, which tells me she can’t trust you with simple things.
And further, how will she be able to come to you and trust you’ll be open-minded and listen to her with kindness about anything in the future?
Is she actually satisfied? See where I’m going here? No one wants a close-minded partner.” hernameisphoebe
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Pregnant Wife Have More Lemonade?
“My wife and I are from the UK, but fairly recently visited Disney with our 5-year-old.
Whilst out there my wife developed a taste for Minute Maid lemonade, pink not regular although she says it’s the same as lemonade but ‘somehow tastes different’.
On our way back from our vacation, she stopped by a shop in the airport and she bought several (? Or quite a few pink Minute Maid lemonades).
Onto today my sister is visiting and spotted the drink in the fridge, asked to have it and I recall my wife having a few and finding a website to buy more (since they don’t sell in the UK) so I said yes, but my wife got home and had a craving but apparently the bottle I’d given my sister was the last one… I apologized!
She asked if she’d replace it ‘plus a few since she’s pregnant and craving it’ and I said no because it’s high in sugar (type 1 diabetic) and also expensive. We’re on baby number 2, she wants to take our child back to Disney next year and go to the other parks like we did this year – we’re saving where we can, which includes little purchases like this.
Whilst not actively swearing at me, I can tell she’s very pouty, although I think she’s just upset to be back in the UK… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your wife is pregnant and growing a whole human.
She should have what she enjoys whilst she’s able to enjoy it (acid reflux, morning sickness, heightened smell, and taste might kick in and stop her enjoyment somewhere down the track).
Pregnancy cravings are no joke. However, they usually stop around the 3rd trimester so this will wear off eventually.
Also, the extra calories (I assume that’s why you’re worried about the sugar) are a non-issue whilst she’s growing a human. She needs to feed that too.” whatisthismuppetry
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is your second child she is pregnant with so you should know by now… never take a pregnant woman’s food or drink.
Especially when it is something she has a craving for.
Besides, what makes you think it is ok to give away something that belongs to someone else, without asking if it is ok? You gave it away without permission now you need to replace it.
(Which you seemed to be ok with when giving it away.)
Get your wife extra as an apology and to thank her for putting up with your inconsiderate behavior.” TX_Krasher
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You should not police what your wife puts in her body, she’s an adult and knows she’s diabetic, not your child.
She’s your partner. She’s growing a whole child for you right now. Treat her as such.
Clearly, you could afford to buy them and clearly, you didn’t care she ‘shouldn’t have them’ the first time around.
If you can’t afford a lemonade, can you really afford to raise a child?
C’mon. You can afford a lemonade.
You literally said you let her sister have it because you KNEW you could buy more and intended to do so, then you decided to not do so after giving her lemonade away already.
Your two options are to not touch her things or to replace them in a timely manner. That means right. now.
Also, apart from all these points. Dude, if you’re telling your pregnant wife she can’t have the thing she’s craving because a Disneyland trip with a child that SHE WANTS TO DO is more important and you think you should decide that by yourself, you may want to invest the funds in neither lemonade nor Disney and rather rent out a nice shelter for yourself somewhere far enough away she won’t find you and physically strangle you.
So, you’re the jerk, and even if you weren’t, you’re playing a dangerous game here.” niniela-phoenix
19. AITJ For Telling My Niece She Doesn't Owe Her Parents Anything?
“My brother-in-law Jeremy and sister-in-law Violet did only the bare, law-required minimum in raising my niece Juliana yet spoiled my nephew William.
Jeremy and Violet would praise William’s accomplishments while ignoring or undermining Juliana’s. Juliana was frequently blamed and punished for William’s poor behavior. Jeremy and Violet told Juliana that she would be out and on her own at 18 while William was always welcome and supported in their home.
Juliana was able to live with me and my husband Louis, Juliana basically lived at our house since she was a teenager anyway.
Juliana and William are both 28 now. My nephew has been in and out of jail since he was 19 because he cannot handle being told no or being denied what he wants.
William’s been kicked out by every family member who was willing to take him in, so now his go-to home is with his parents. Jeremy and Violet are dead broke. They planned to retire years ago, yet are still working and struggling with payments because of how much they’ve spent trying to bail William out and buy him what he wants.
Juliana is by no means rich, but she is living comfortably and independently.
Jeremy and Violet are now reaching out to Juliana through other family members. They claim they want to talk with Juliana because ‘we miss her’ and ‘barely get to see her.’ But it’s blatantly obvious that they’re looking for financial help because, at the rate Jeremy and Violet are going, they’re going to be forced to downgrade their housing.
Louis and Violet’s great-grandparents built that house. It has a lot of sentimental value in their family and most of their other family members have said they would never forgive Jeremy and Violet if they lost the house.
Juliana came to me and Louis because she felt like a selfish person for not wanting to take from her own savings to help her parents.
And that several people have tried to guilt-trip her because her parents could have just given her up for adoption but instead provided for her for 18 years. We told Juliana that she doesn’t owe Jeremy and Violet for providing for her because it was their choice to become parents and providing for her was their own responsibility.
Juliana’s hard-earned money is her own and she doesn’t owe it to anyone else.
Now Jeremy, Violet, and several of the people they used to contact Juliana have reached out to me and Louis and called us jerks.
They said we have encouraged our niece to be unsympathetic to others and not help a family in need. And that Jeremy and Violet are already suffering enough consequences because of William and losing the house on top of it would be a punishment for the entire family.
Louis and I feel what we said was true because family is a two-way street and both sides need to be supported by one another. Even if Jeremy and Violet went above and beyond for Juliana the way they did with William, that would still be their choice and responsibility as parents and they aren’t owed by their children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If they wanted financial help from their kid they shouldn’t have burned the bridge with her. If those family members think she is soOoO selfish for not sending funds they should put their money where their selfish mouths are.
In fact, you should do a pretend fundraiser ‘Julianna will match every dollar the rest of the family donates’. She of course doesn’t have to do this, but it would be nice to see how many of them pony up.” KartlindWitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the rest of the family wants the house saved, they can chip in. The thing is, whatever Juliana gives will be used but there is no guarantee that the house will be protected even if she wanted to help them out.
They might spend the funds on her brother, or put the funds into the house and then fail again and be in danger of losing it. Also, you are right that Juliana does not owe her parents bailing them out of poor decisions.” explodingwhale17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thank God Juliana has you both. Everything you have said is valid and Juliana is NOT obligated to financially aid her parents, who were neglectful and have likely caused a lot of emotional trauma to their daughter by so blatantly showing preference to her brother.
Besides, it sounds like the parents and extended family has never really been in her life to begin with, so what would she be losing anyway by not helping? Nothing really. Her parents’ predicament is not her responsibility. If the other family members are so concerned about losing the family home, they can step up and help the parents.” anitarielleliphe
18. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust Some Things For My Pregnant Sister-In-Law?
“I (33f) hosted Thanksgiving this year; every year it rotates between me, my sister, and my brother’s homes.
It’s a pretty big gathering that normally involves my siblings, their partners, my sister’s kids, and our parents.
This year, my brother James (35m) and his wife Becky (31f) are having their first child. The baby is due in spring.
We have a traditional Thanksgiving meal, watch the parade, play games as a family, couple of drinks together in the evening, and do the usual stuff. Same kind of thing every year.
This year a couple of weeks back, I get what is basically a list of demands from Becky in our family group chat.
She wants to come, but her pregnancy means some things ‘need to be adjusted’. Her rules were no poultry as the smell makes her sick, no booze as the smell makes her sick and she can’t join in, the food needs to be served early as she needs to nap during the time it’s normally served, and she doesn’t want to play the games as she tires easily so can we just listen to music/talk in the evening instead.
I was really upset by this. Firstly none of us are vegetarian and so I don’t really know how to prepare a turkey alternative but secondly, I’d already ordered the turkey and it seems like a waste. And to not be able to drink, eat when we want to, or even play our games in the evening just feels so unreasonable when 9 of us won’t get to celebrate in the way we’d like to.
In the family chat, I replied and said while I would make her a non-poultry meal and would make sure people don’t drink at the table, I wouldn’t ban poultry or booze from the house and I certainly wouldn’t be not playing our games.
Particularly as my niece and nephew are now old enough to join in and really loved it last year.
Both James and Becky said I was being unreasonable and that she’s pregnant so I need to be more understanding. My mom joined in and said it’s not hard to accommodate but I was really annoyed by this point.
I told Becky she was uninvited if she can’t accept any compromise whatsoever. James called me separately to say I’m excluding her and ruining their Thanksgiving and she can’t help how she feels during pregnancy. I said I wasn’t excluding her and she’s welcome if she can accept that Thanksgiving has to work for everyone else too.
In the end, neither Becky nor James came over. It was a weird day without them and I’m sad they weren’t there but I feel like I wasn’t unreasonable. I do want to make amends but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The world doesn’t just bend to you because you are pregnant. Expecting 9 other people to go without everything they normally have is outrageous behavior. The entitlement is mind-blowing. She could have napped while everyone ate, thus avoiding the smell of Turkey.
And she could have participated from a sitting position or just spectated the games. As far as the booze goes, if she sits not near anyone while they drink she’d be fine. There were so many compromises she could have made instead of trying to make everyone accommodate her.
Being pregnant doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk.
You wait till the kid comes – this one is going to have her own section in Entitled Parents, mark my words.” Important-Lawyer-350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You offered reasonable compromises and tried to meet her halfway… Becky really said my way or the highway… and she chose the highway.
They missed out on their own accord.
I get that pregnancy is hard and your hormones are all over the place but this was really unreasonable. She really expected everyone to bend to her rules because she was having a rough time.
Girl get over yourself, it is not that hard to just excuse yourself if you’re having a hard time during the festivities and just be like ‘Excuse me SIL OP, may I use one of the rooms to chill out for a bit’ instead of trying to dictate what the whole family is ‘allowed’ to do.
B****y ridiculous.” RequirementWide6557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no need to make amends to someone’s ridiculous request. She was literally requesting that everyone be as miserable as she is just because she made the choice to get pregnant.
You offered reasonable accommodations of making her an alternative meal and not drinking at the table. She wanted it to be her way or nothing at all. It’s fine if her husband wants to give in to childish behavior but no one else should.
I also love how your brother pointed out that you were ruining their Thanksgiving by not agreeing to do what she wanted, but failed to acknowledge that she was ruining yours and the rest of the family’s with her unreasonable request. If this is how she behaves while pregnant I hate to see how she will be as a mom.
She will probably be one of those parents who feels every family function has to revolve around their precious little angel.” Such-Awareness-2960
17. AITJ For Being Disappointed At My Partner For Playing A Game?
“I wanted to rest my eyes for less than 20 minutes, so I asked my partner to watch the baby while I lay on the floor so she could crawl on me if she wanted.
I said I didn’t care if she crawled on me or whatever. I did not specify that I didn’t want to hear her cry. Sort of relevant.
As soon as I lay down, he turns on Brawlhalla. It’s sort of like Super Smash Bros so you have all these little characters jumping around on-screen fighting each other.
The baby was still on the floor with me, and I had my glasses off and my eyes closed.
So instead of being able to shut off my brain for those few minutes, I was listening out for the baby.
After a few minutes he picked her up and sat down with her to play the game but she didn’t want to be sitting there so she started crying. He kept playing the game while trying to shush her.
I gave up and got up.
My partner immediately turned the game off and then a while later put the baby to bed. After she was down, I tried to express to him that I was disappointed he chose to play the game instead of just playing with her because I wasn’t able to shut my brain off.
He kept interrupting me and yelling at me so I just went to bed.
It got brought back up this morning and he’s still mad because he maintains that I had no right to be upset since he was still watching her.
I maintain that it was only 18 minutes and he could have put in more effort to entertain her so that I could rest comfortably knowing she was being observed.
Now he’s brought the neighbors in on it and it’s somehow become this huge ordeal instead of a simple discussion, and I’m being called unreasonable and selfish because he was technically ‘following my rules’ (where I said I didn’t mind her crawling on me).
AITJ? Because I don’t feel like it but maybe I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he sucks as a partner. You needed rest. You asked him to watch the baby so you could rest. Because he is your partner, he should care about your needs and want to take care of the baby quietly so mommy can get some rest.
He didn’t care about you needing rest. He was trying to do what he wanted and sorta giving lip service to your request. He didn’t care that you were tired and just trying to get a little bit of rest, he turned on a game he wanted to play that made noise.
He doesn’t care about your needs. He only cares about his own. If he were a true partner, he would care about your needs more than his own.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he sure is. His playing a game while you were trying to rest for 20 minutes was passive-aggressive manipulation to make asking him to do parenting a pointless endeavor.
The fact that he’s gotten the freaking neighbors involved is way over the top. He clearly does not respect you and is not willing to step up to the plate and act like a parent. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s shirked.
You need to figure out if this is the kind of life you want.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I won’t say leave him, plenty of others will do that.
Pretty sure you’re not in doubt about that. You’re doubting whether being overtired to the nth degree is making this seem worse than it is.
It. Is. Not.
There is zero excuse for him to not keep his eye on the ball while you specifically asked him for a break. Guessing you’re usually the one to back down too, and when you didn’t, he went and told a slanted story to unrelated people so you would back down.
Don’t back down. You need rest. He’s got no excuse.
If he can’t sit still turn on Bluey. That show is amazing. He’ll be just as entertained as your baby, after all, if you’ve got two kids, bring out the big guns.” ulfr
16. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Be Called By His Nickname?
“We call my son Benji. His full name is Benjamin. My friend came over for a visit and my son (18 months) was ignoring her. She went and crouched down in front of him and waved and he just walked away from her.
She started to laugh and just said ‘I can’t believe you, Benjamin.’ I said we call him Benji in the house you know that.
So he eventually warmed up to her and she was calling him Benji like she’s supposed to and they were having a blast playing when my son suddenly took all the cars and ran behind the couch.
She did that ‘gasping’ again and said, ‘Benjamin how could you?’ My son thought it was funny and thought nothing of it but I was really annoyed because I already asked her not to call him that. I flatly said stop calling him that.
She mumbled a sorry then suddenly she had to go. I told her that we were ok she didn’t have to leave, but she said ‘Something came up’ but I’ve known her so long I knew she was lying then she awkwardly left.
My husband said I’m the jerk but I think I was just standing my ground.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you wanted him called Benji, you should have made that his real name, not the full name of Benjamin. Most people swap between the nickname and full first name, especially as your friend did, often to express disapproval for bad behavior.
He’s going to be called by both names throughout his life, he and you should get used to it since you did not make that clear in the beginning.” KarmaWillGetYa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You named him Benjamin. If you hate the name so much you shouldn’t have chosen it.
His legal name is Benjamin. People are going to call him that from time to time. At his high school graduation, are you going to have a fit when they refer to him as Benjamin when he crosses the stage?
At his wedding, will you stop the ceremony when the officiant refers to him as Benjamin? You’re just being ridiculous.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If you don’t want people calling your kid the name you gave them, don’t name them that.
If you wanted your kid to be Benji, short for nothing else and called nothing else, you should have put that on the birth certificate instead. She caused your kid literally no harm with that, and she was absolutely right to leave when you got inappropriately defensive over it.
What are you going to do if your kid prefers to be called Benjamin because they don’t like the throwback to Benji the dog? Are you going to get just as defensive then? What if your kid is trans and changes their name later?
Are you going to be defensive about their name then, too? A name is nothing more than the noises we make to get each other’s attention, and you’re overreacting about it.” untenable681
15. AITJ For Getting Sick Of My Brother-In-Law's "Big Brother Speeches"?
“I (26M) have been married to my wife Anna (25F) for a year. We recently had a couples’ weekend vacation away with my brother-in-law (Mark, 31M) and his wife. I initially didn’t want to invite Mark but Anna insisted.
Mark and I have never really gotten along much. I have a criminal history and I don’t think Mark has ever really been able to look past that with me, even after marrying his sister.
At our vacation rental on Saturday, we all got a little wasted. As I went to get another drink, I noticed that Mark was following me.
He started the whole protective big brother act again and talked about how he hopes I’m ‘treating Anna right’ and have ‘truly left my past behind me.’
It’s probably just the booze but I had had enough of this speech which I had heard a hundred times at this point.
I got in his face and told him that Anna and I had been married for a year and his protective brother speeches were wearing out my patience and he needed to back off. We ended up in a shouting match and Anna and Mark’s wife had to come in and break it up.
The weekend was more or less over after that due to the tension between us.
Anna says I should have just ignored Mark when he started going off like that but she isn’t the one who is on the constant receiving end of his comments towards me.
I do feel bad that I ruined the weekend but I don’t know if it’s entirely my fault here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your BIL and your wife are. Your BIL needs to back off and your wife needs to stand up for you when he starts his crap.
If a member of your family were harassing her, it would be your responsibility to deal with your family member, that’s how it works. Instead, your wife keeps on insisting that you two spend time together and she’s telling you that you’re not allowed to defend yourself when he harasses you.
She’s the one who needs to tell her brother to knock it off and she needs to stand firm.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I get it. You hear the same thing over and over again and it’s tiring.
You had some drinks on top of it and finally told him off.
The brother needs to get off your back. Your wife needs to learn to stand up for you and have a talk with her brother about boundaries.
I don’t know if it’ll help you, but I found it very amusing to simply stare at people who annoy me in complete silence. That silence will become so uncomfortable for them that they stop talking.” Willing-Rip-8761
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if my wife’s brother spoke to me like that, I may ignore it the 1st few times. Then after that, I would put him in his place as I won’t accept being spoken down to like that constantly. The brother is more of a bully, and should stay out of their marriage unless she comes to him or he sees signs of abuse.
What he is doing will just cause issues in his marriage. He should have flipped the script and started telling him he better be treating his wife properly as he is looking out for her best interest, and seems like he’s the only one that is.
That any 1 thing from his past and keep throwing that in his face and say I hope you aren’t thinking about doing that again as it isn’t good for his wife and again I’m looking out for her. His own medicine will really annoy him.” Live_Power_2843
14. AITJ For Thinking My Brother Doesn't Deserve To Get An Inheritance?
“My older brother and I never really had any sort of relationship.
He had his own life when he was pretty young. He married young and our family (parents and I) barely kept in contact with him. There were no disagreements, fights, etc. He didn’t cut us off, but never made any attempts to keep in contact and always rejected any invitations for family meals, etc. He only hinted a few times that his wife didn’t like our family too much.
The only time we saw his kid in person was out at a shopping mall by chance.
So over the past few years, my mum’s health has worsened, requiring surgery and extra care. I got my folks to move in myself and my wife as it would be easier on them, along with getting professional care services in the daytime.
I’ve always updated my brother from time to time about the situation but he has never visited in person and has only sent the odd fruit basket here and there.
Recently, I shared with my parents that we were looking to sell our current house to finance an upgrade to a bigger house in a better area.
My dad stopped me and said there was no need to as they were able to finance that as they were selling off some properties they had (my parents were not wealthy. They were middle-class folks who bought some properties while they were dirt cheap).
My parents spoke a bit about their plans and said that my brother would be receiving half too.
I honestly got mad and questioned their decision given his utter lack of existence in the past 20 years. My parents said that at the end of the day, he is still their son and it is only fair to do so.
I said that by giving him half, I’m put at a disadvantage to him given what I had done over the past few years. I told them that I didn’t care about his half of the inheritance and asked them to consider donating his half away.
I found it extremely insulting to be, at the end of the day, valued the same as my brother. One could say value goes beyond monetary items but I feel that action speaks louder than words. My wife chided me for being so confrontational about it, but I don’t know, man, this feels ridiculous.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say ‘no jerks here’.
OP doesn’t want the $ for himself and just felt that a brother who is basically in no contact instead of active in the family doesn’t deserve to be treated as family.
Understandable feeling. Parents can do and should do whatever they want with their $, and OP needs to realize that as parents it rarely matters what your child does, or doesn’t do, we will always look out for and help and try to do right by them.
OP’s wife gets a shout-out for calling her husband out on his behavior! You have a good woman there!
Had this been an issue of you wanting it all then without a doubt I’d tell you to shut up and stop being a jerk.
However, just airing your feelings doesn’t make you a jerk, it makes you human. You have heard their reasons which they do not owe you, and you’ve aired your peace. Drop it.” Someday_wonderful
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It is NOT your money and NOT your decision what they decide to do with it.
They’re right, at the end of the day he is also their son, and if they want to give him half that’s their decision to make.
The fact that you feel him getting half puts you at a ‘disadvantage’ says you do care about the money more than you care to admit. It sounds like you thought you’d get more than him as a reward for helping your parents.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say ‘no jerks here’.
OP, do you have kids? Because there isn’t ANYTHING my daughter could do that would make her less my daughter and less worthy of half of anything I’ll ever earn. She could be a serial killer and I’d still love her just as much.
You can’t help it, they’re your child!
The only way she wouldn’t receive an equal inheritance is if I thought for some reason she’d spend it in a way that harmed herself, and in that case, I’d just have it put in a trust for her for when she was safe or use it to help her get healthy.
I just – no matter what, at the end of the day they are his parents and they love him just as much, even if they don’t like him as much. I don’t know how to explain it.” vanillaragdoll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for voicing your thoughts and concerns, but if you choose not to accept their direction and react to them with anger or hostility, then YTJ.
Your parents have their own reason, fair or not, or correct or not. Maybe something happened between your brother & parents that you are unaware of, which contributed to his absence over the years, and your parents feel guilt and want to give him 1/2.
Whatever the reason, it is their decision to make. Maybe they couldn’t live with it. They’re jerks to give you an inheritance and not give your brother anything. The reasons for their decision could be anything, but regardless it is their choice.” Gladtobealive2020
13. AITJ For Taking Back My Cat's Stuffed Toy?
“My husband (33M) has a sister I’ll call Jane (36F) and she has three kids, the youngest one is Jill (8F). Jane and her kids visit often so my husband keeps toys around for them. A short while ago my husband got me some Meemeows.
My cat Chewie decided that she really, really liked one of them and the fuzzy brat commandeered it as her pillow. If you move it from her usual spot on the couch where I like to sit for work, she carries it back.
Jane was visiting with Jill. My husband and I were both home and I was sitting on the couch doing some work. Chewie was next to me on the couch with her Meemeow pillow snoozing away. Jill came up and asked if I would move Chewie so she could get the plush.
I told her no and explained that the plush was Chewie’s and that it would be mean to take it from her, especially while she was napping. I told her there were some new toys in the box my husband keeps around and to look in there for something.
I got up to get a drink and some papers from my bag and Jill walked by me hiding the plush behind her. I took it from her and reminded her I said no and that she needed to listen and leave Chewie alone.
I put it back next to Chewie and went back to work. A couple of minutes later Jane came into the living room demanding to know why I took a toy away from Jill because ‘It’s a cat, not a human, and toys aren’t pillows.’
I thanked her for revealing my cat was not actually a human despite her acting otherwise and I was forever grateful for her pointing out the difference but the fact remained, I told Jill no and to leave the cat’s things alone and she didn’t listen.
Somehow that has snowballed into Jane and my husband’s brother suggesting that another family member host dinner next week so the ‘human kids won’t take a backseat to an animal’.
My husband is on my side but I’m kind of questioning if I should have just let Jill have the dang plushie for an afternoon or not.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were setting a boundary for your pet. Jill already ignored you saying no and did something anyway, so letting her have it after that would be teaching her that she doesn’t have to take no as an answer.
Also, it’s not like you were neglecting a child’s actual needs for the sake of your cat, so the whole ‘human kids taking a backseat to an animal’ thing is overly dramatic.” CephalopodSpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t know when there began a generation of parents who have decided that their precious angels should never be told no, but they’re out there in depressingly large numbers.
While I don’t advocate a return to the days of ‘no because I said so, now go be quiet’, sometimes the answer is no, plain and simple. Even if the kid doesn’t like the reason, that’s not enough to change the answer.
You explained the reason to Jill, you redirected her to a box of other toys she could choose from, and when she took the toy anyway – you calmly took it away from her while reinforcing what you said earlier.
That Jane has equated this to a grievous malfeasance done unto her daughter is on Jane to deal with, though also unfortunately right now for you to have to deal with Jane’s whining about it. Ignore it. She’s trying to make you feel bad and/or make you feel like you need to justify setting a very reasonable boundary because apparently – due to her own parenting – her daughter doesn’t know how to deal with them.
That’s not on you.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of who it belonged to (cat or human), the toy wasn’t hers. You explained nicely and told no. She should understand what ‘no’ means, to not take things she doesn’t own.
Instead, she tried to sneak around and get her way. Her mother enabling her daughter and confronting you, turning it into a big drama is a jerk move.
I want to address that she took the toy from a sleeping cat, I think this behavior (disturbing a sleeping animal) lacks empathy.
(Though some small kids roughhouse their pets or animals they encounter, whenever they see one sleeping, from what I’ve witnessed they get quiet and be like ‘Shh it’s sleeping let’s not disturb it’). And her mother’s words ‘It’s a cat, not a human’ shows where she probably gets that from.” User
12. AITJ For Lashing Out At My MIL Because I'm Fed Up With How Controlling She Is?
“My MIL is quite possessive and controlling. She doesn’t like me because I’ve taken her son away from her and all that but she’s never been honest either to me or my husband about her dislike towards me.
She’ll only throw some masked insults to my husband about me but to my face, she acts like an angel and says how much she adores me and views me as her own daughter, etc. Behind my back, both she and my SIL say the most horrible stuff.
There are many horrible things she’s done but I’ll focus on how she acts regarding us trying to balance time between families.
Since the first years of my husband and I being together MIL always had the expectation that she and her family should be prioritized more than my family.
In some cases, she spoke as if I had no family when my family is well and I have a great relationship with them. She always had demands that we spend every single holiday with them and whenever we balanced things out between them and my family she threw tantrums and constantly cried to my husband about how he abandoned his dear mommy for his ‘new family’.
At first, my husband felt bad for her but then understood her theatrics and anytime she throws a tantrum he’s telling her ‘Like it or not that’s what’s gonna happen, go cry now and deal with it’. We still try to be fair and balance holidays.
Another example is how she demanded that during our wedding day, I should get dressed at her own house because I’m like her daughter and she deserved to see me getting ready more than my own parents did. When I chose to get ready for my parent’s house MIL was mad and said I disrespected her and that I don’t consider her family because I did that.
So this year my husband and I made the plan. Thanksgiving lunch with his family. Thanksgiving dinner with mine. Xmas with his family and New Year’s with mine.
Guess what. MIL didn’t like that. After we were about to leave Thanksgiving lunch with her she started making comments again about how we’re picking my family over her and how she’ll spend New Year’s without us now too because we prefer my family more.
Totally ignoring the fact that we’ll spend Xmas with her. My husband even tried to accommodate her once and asked her if she’d prefer for us to spend Xmas or New Year’s with her and I told him no, she won’t dictate our schedule, enough.
After she made that comment my husband ignored her and was like ‘Yeah ok you’ll start crying again’ and she started yelling at my husband about how he’s picking me over her and my family over her. She started throwing insults about my family and I couldn’t hold myself but to talk back to her and tell her off for being a selfish person who expects the world to revolve around her and that she needs a wake-up call that she’s not the only person in our lives.
My husband told me to get in the car and go. On the ride home he said that while I was right I shouldn’t have gotten involved and I should be the bigger person instead of acting like a jerk like her.”
Another User Comments:
“If your husband wants to be the only one dealing with MIL then he needs to actually deal with her. It takes a lot of energy on its own to continually be the bigger person and it really isn’t fair for that to always be your responsibility.
Dealing with narcs is exhausting and giving MIL the option of Xmas or new year just shows that husband is still pandering to her rather than actually dealing with the situation. You cannot compromise with narcs, nothing is ever enough.
NTJ.” IllegallyWicked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You lashed out because she’s pushed you to that point. It’s a common tactic with manipulative people to make the person who is the victim get to that point so they can be seen as the ‘bad’ person and used as an example of ‘see, I am the victim here.’
Your husband is doing okay against his mother, but he needs to be 100% on your side. You may want to get counseling on how to deal with her if you want to continue letting her be in your lives. I think the two of you definitely need to sit down and establish concrete boundaries with his mother, like the next time she complains about him rightfully putting his wife before her or that she thinks she needs every holiday, you won’t go for any holiday.” JaiRenae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s certifiable at this point. I would say if she can’t be grateful to get half time she should get no time. Your husband needs to be the one to manage this, not you, but he needs to actually manage it.
I honestly recommend some therapy for you two because you have got to be getting resentful about the way his mother is treating you, and the way he is LETTING his mother treat you. But no, you’re beyond the breaking point with this emotionally abusive behavior, and reacting negatively to abuse does not make you a jerk.” Sweet_Passenger9161
11. AITJ For Refusing To Get Out Of The Car?
“My partner and I were driving home late at night (okay early morning, like 1 am) in a rural area of Northern California, near the Nevada border.
We come upon two large police trucks (yes, trucks) with their lights on, blocking the road.
We wait a couple of minutes for some sort of signal from them that we will need to wait more/be able to go soon/something. For context, we are the only ones on the road, there is no obvious sign of other activity, and we see no people walking around.
It’s just two police cars with their lights on, in the dark, with zero explanation.
My partner asked me to get out of the car to ask them what was going on. He wasn’t feeling well (he had insisted on driving anyway, although I offered to drive)and preferred that I do it.
I said I felt unsafe doing so in the dark and in the area we were in, especially given the unexplained police activity. He got really upset with me.
Should I have gotten out of the car? Or was it silly to be afraid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A real winner you’ve got there. It’s the middle of the night and something is going on that requires police attendance. He can’t do it because he has a headache. Yikes all the way.
Also, just in general you should absolutely not get out of the car in that situation. You could be putting yourself in harm’s way, either with the situation at hand or the police seeing someone approaching them in the dark.
Either turn around or let an officer come to you.” Legitimate-Tower-523
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – even if the police weren’t a potential threat, having a significant police presence could mean things could kick off – if they were blocking the road, you don’t know if it is to stop a car or because something happened up ahead.
Wouldn’t want to be on the road only to find out the hard way it was a roadblock. Even if your imagination got wild, I think there are some real risks (criminal in a car, dangerous person on the loose).
As US police are armed, there’s a chance they could mistake you for a dangerous person if they cannot see you clearly.
If I couldn’t drive safely up to the cars to ask, I’d just turn around and tell the satellite navigation to do its thing.
Chances are you aren’t getting through any time soon lol. If there was an accident or fallen tree up ahead, those things take time to clear.” quenishi
Another User Comments:
“If there are cops around it’s probably for a reason – why on Earth would a man who supposedly cares about me look out into the darkness of the night and ask me to get out where a potential danger lies ahead?
NTJ – and more importantly, you deserve better. This is a strong sign you should reconsider the relationship – your partner seems to be ok throwing you to the wolves in a potentially dangerous situation and that’s not the kind of person any woman should be considering as a partner or possible father to children.
Sorry you found out this way.” EastofEdensgrave
10. WIBTJ If I Remove My Brother From My Wedding Party?
“My fiancée (31F) and I (30M) are getting married in a couple of months. My brother (25M) and I have different dads.
Mine hasn’t been around my entire life. Our mom married his dad when I was 5. The marriage lasted 5 years due to the marriage being forced upon her by my grandparents just because he had a good job, and she didn’t love him.
During the divorce, my mom started confiding in a coworker who we’ll call Cee. Cee was also going through a divorce, and they supported each other. After the divorce was final (this will be important later), they went out for a while and then broke up due to Cee being a psycho stalker (a long story for another time).
A few days ago, my brother was told by someone randomly while at work that knew Cee, that they went out BEFORE the divorce and that that was the reason for it. This, of course, isn’t true. I remember the whole ordeal and it just didn’t happen that way.
My brother, however, has taken this news as gospel. Now he’s doing everything he can to find ‘proof’ that it happened. Calling random friends and family who are obviously telling him the truth, but he just doesn’t believe them. He’s trying so hard to play the victim.
Our mom was a good parent. She loved us both equally as she should, and has denied this guy’s accusation vehemently to my brother. My brother has this complex of digging his heels in deeper and deeper until he’s ‘right.’ He’s supposed to be a groomsman in my wedding, but I don’t want any drama or for him to be vindictive because he and his wife got married because she got pregnant (yes I know they didn’t have to, but they did), and had a courthouse wedding (which they chose to do).
So, WIBTJ for booting him from the wedding party and possibly the whole wedding for starting unnecessary drama?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call your brother and go have a face-to-face talk. Point out that everyone, you, your mother, friends, family, etc. have all given him the SAME answer.
That he either thinks you all are all lying or he refuses to accept the fact that your mother did not have an affair and that her past relationship (which is probably the REAL issue) is none of his business.
Either way if he refuses to drop this at minimum he’s no longer going to be a groomsman and at most he (and his wife) will be completely uninvited from the wedding.
After that let him sink or swim.” LhadyLoki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being concerned and considering how it might impact your wedding. However, it might be good to try to have a talk with just him before making the decision. It sounds like he is still having a hard time processing the divorce and he’s taking that out on your mother.
Unfortunately, this is pretty common and can cause a lot of familial distress. Kicking him out of the wedding without trying to understand where he’s coming from is going to have consequences for your relationship with him that go beyond the wedding.
Maybe tell him you understand why he is worried about this and it is normal to look for someone to blame when relationships fail. But that sometimes, relationships just don’t work out and it’s not anyone’s fault. Do you know if his dad is also co-signing this idea that your mom left him for this other person?
If so, he’s in a really tough spot and may feel like he’s also ‘abandoning’ his dad if he doesn’t agree with this version of reality.
That all being said, if you don’t have that close of a relationship with him and having a one-on-one conversation won’t/doesn’t bring more clarification and peace to the situation, it is not unreasonable to ask that he not be part of the wedding.
That is your and your partner’s day and you shouldn’t be worrying about negative drama. I hope whatever happens, you have an awesome wedding and you and your brother can reconcile this conflict.” Archaea-a87
9. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor To Animal Services?
“My next-door neighbor recently got a dog. It’s a medium-sized dog. And I’ve never seen the owner take the dog for a walk.
Ever. I always see the dog pooping and peeing in the neighbor’s backyard and it stinks. She picks after the dog but it still stinks and I don’t want that smell because the neighbor is too lazy to move and walk her dog.
I spotted her outside the house the other day picking up her mail and I found the chance to call her out. I told her that she shouldn’t have a dog if she is too lazy to take care of it properly and she just neglects it.
She told me to mind my business and that I know nothing of what she does. I told her I’ll only mind my business when she starts being responsible. I also said the next time I’ll call animal services for dog neglect.
And the next day, that’s what I did. I saw the dog taking a dump in the backyard again. I called animal services. They arrived, I explained the situation to them and they told me they’ll look into it. They knocked on her door and asked her a few questions and they later came to me and said there was nothing to worry about and that the owner had good reasons to not take the dog out and that the dog is not being neglected. I asked them to tell me the reasons and they just ignored me and left.
I called my neighbor and asked her to explain herself and why animal services let her off so easily. She basically told me off for being all up in her business and told me she has no reason to give me an explanation on why she doesn’t take her dog for walks and I should just mind my business.
I feel like I had perfectly good reasons to worry but at the same time I feel like a jerk for getting involved.”
Another User Comments:
“Not only is it none of your business, but why do you care in the first place?
Yes, not taking her dog on walks can be concerning to you, however, you don’t even know the circumstances she and her dog has. Animal control said it’s fine and that’s that. Also, how did you know she was neglecting it?
Just because YOU don’t see the dog going for walks doesn’t mean that it isn’t just walking in areas you can’t see. My dog runs around my house enough to get all the exercise she needs, even without going for a walk.
Also, it isn’t explicitly mentioned but are you looking for the dog every day? Even if not, I really don’t think you should care in the first place unless you see the dog being neglected with solid proof. YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are completely unhinged. You don’t care about what is best for the dog, you’re just throwing a fit because of the dog using your neighbor’s yard to go potty? Dogs that are walked still go to the restroom at other times of the day.
And I’m not sure your claims they don’t walk the dog are even true, because that seems to be what you’re basing it off on, plus are you home 24/7 staring at their house to see if they walk the dog?
Actually, maybe you are. Either way, you called animal welfare and they said the dog wasn’t being neglected, and you didn’t drop it? You called her to demand an explanation?! THAT IS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS!
I hope she calls the cops on you for harassment.
Start therapy, seriously.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Firstly dogs regardless of how often or far they are walked if they need to will go to the toilet in the back garden. It’s the same as you, no matter how long you’re outside you’ll eventually have to use your toilet at home.
Things happen.
Secondly, are you watching her 24/7? Just because you don’t see her leaving during your surveillance hours doesn’t mean she doesn’t bring her dog places. Yes, she said she has reasons for not walking the dog, but have you ever thought about the fact she could also have a walker who comes to get them or they are in a dog daycare?
Either way, if the dog is healthy and happy looking it’s none of your business.” Accurate_Orange5700
8. AITJ For Returning My Younger Sister To My Mother's House?
“I (20m) have been living with my sister (12f) for about a few months now.
Our mother (42f) has remarried and is now legally blind. Before her health began to decline in 2018, she took us both to live with her and her new family.
I didn’t like our stepdad. In 2020, he took advantage of my mom’s health decline to funnel my and my sister’s allowances from our aunt, who started providing funds to us because of our situation (deceased dad and disabled mom left us with basically nothing), straight to his own bank account.
At some point, I decided that I’d had enough and that the best course of action was to leave his home and get myself a job since I recently turned 18.
So within one month, I was living in my own apartment.
My sister stayed with our mom.
Flash forward to earlier this year, I got a surprise call from my sister telling me to pick her up from their home because she got kicked out by our stepdad. When I went and picked her up and her stuff, I asked my sister what happened, she went on about how she was always being blamed for things that she claimed she had nothing to do with, like swiping funds from my stepfamily, and other minor hygiene related issues like leaving dishes with food.
She wasn’t like this before so I thought they lied to me about her behavior.
Weeks pass and I started noticing that I somehow seemed to always have less cash in my wallet than expected. I also started noticing a stench in my sister’s room.
At this point, I knew everything they said about my sister was true. She took money from me, lied to me about going to school, and somehow got me a warning from my landlord about the stench and ‘landfill’ appearance of my once clean apartment.
I pushed all my frustrations deep inside me bc I knew that she didn’t want to go back to our stepdad’s house when I had a talk with her.
Then yesterday, I found out that she stole from me again.
But it wasn’t a little bit of money, she took the cash that was supposed to be for bills and spent it all on her everyday visit to various fast food stops. Naturally, I got angry and demanded she return what was left of the money only to be told that there was absolutely 0 left. Eventually, I forgave her after scrounging up enough to pay for our due bills but if it happened again, she was out.
Today, I found out she broke my laptop and hid it from me. This absolutely broke me. I worked for my laptop so that I could play my video games and treat myself to a small reprieve every time I get stressed at work.
I was so devastated that I packed her bags and brought her back to our mom and stepdad’s.
She’s 12. A literal child. And I feel so awful about leaving her back at our mother’s house but at this point, I didn’t know what to do.
Genuinely wondering if what I did was right or if I was being a jerk for kicking out a child. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, there might be deeper issues causing your sister to act this way. I think she needs to speak with a counselor or someone she can open up to.
Sometimes these behaviors are a cry for help. It’s quite unfortunate that she did all those things while staying with you. You said she was never the type to do that. Let’s hope it’s just from peer pressure and not something in her home that’s causing her to act out.” Tami-112
Another User Comments:
“Look, she’s a 12-year-old girl in an unhealthy situation. This is a cry for help. She needs therapy, a stable and safe home structure, and a responsible adult to put time, money, and effort into teaching her healthy tools and habits while showing her love.
You are 20 years old. You are still growing and learning yourself. You are also dealing with your own trauma from your upbringing.
It’s understandable if giving your sister what she needs is beyond your capabilities. You shouldn’t be expected to know what to do or even to have the resources to do it.
But if you don’t step up she’s going back to a home where things are only going to get worse. There is likely no happy ending for your sister.
And while that’s not your fault, and you genuinely and truly shouldn’t blame yourself, it is very sad.
I’m not giving a judgment.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but neither is your sister. She’s having typical trauma responses. Where is your aunt? Could she possibly step in and raise your sister? I’m not a fan of CPS, but if you can’t take her on (which I’m not suggesting that you should since you’re young and obviously have your own trauma to work through), maybe they should be called. Your sister clearly needs help and from the sounds of it could end up being one of those homeless teens who end up missing, especially since stepdad kicked her out once while being so young.
The real jerk is your mom. Being blind is no excuse for having your children grow up in an awful home. She chose an easier life for herself over her responsibility to her kids. There are plenty of assistance programs that could help, but she’s okay with allowing her jerk husband to be terrible to her kids and then kick out her minor child.
That poor kid.” PsychologicalGain757
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Niece To Perform A Comedy Routine At My Wedding?
“My (26f) husband ‘Jay’ (28m) and I are getting married November 30th. Jay has two sisters, ‘Mary’ (25f) and ‘Regina’ (35f). Both sisters have a husband and daughter. Mary approached us 4 months ago and asked if her daughter Katie (5) could perform a song for us.
Katie is very sweet and we adore her. Mary said Katie had gone to her music teacher and asked to help her sing so she could sing at our wedding but Mary wanted our permission first. Jay and I said yes and are very excited to hear her perform.
Apparently, Regina caught wind of this and basically told us that her daughter Emma (10) is also performing a stand-up comedy act. Now, Emma is a very nice girl too but can sometimes be a lot. Regina kinda enables this behavior.
She was diagnosed with ADHD but she and her mom use it as an excuse for her poor behavior. The other day I had told Emma to stop climbing on the furniture while we were all watching tv. Emma screamed in my face ‘I have ADHD you can’t tell me what to do’.
Regina just shrugged.
We asked what this ‘comedy show’ entailed. She basically told us that it was a surprise and that we would love it. This was Monday. Last night Jay got a text from Mary. She had sent him a video that Regina had sent to her saying ‘a little preview of the act’.
The video was of Emma ‘practicing’ her routine saying very inappropriate stuff that shouldn’t be said at a wedding let alone by your ten-year-old niece. The video ended as she was saying ‘Congrats el and mouse!’
Jay and I have known each other since kindergarten.
We had been friends our entire lives before heading off to college. Growing up, I was always on the bigger side. Jay however was a ‘late bloomer’. Senior year he was only 5’0 and like 100 pounds. I had been 5’5 since 8th grade and a lot more than 100 pounds.
When we went to his family’s house as an official couple for dinner, Regina said ‘Wow I can’t believe the elephant and the mouse finally got together’. She laughed and explained that Jay came home from school one day and told his family that he was going to marry me one day.
She saw me at an event a few days later and thought it was funny that a little mouse like her brother would like an elephant of a girl like me. Her parents along with her siblings told her to knock it off and that was the last time she ever said something like that.
We have a feeling that a lot of the ‘comedy act’ was actually Regina feeding Emma these jokes to pull something at our wedding. We ended up texting Regina letting her know we do want Emma to perform her skit.
Since last night we have gotten nonstop texts from Regina saying that we’re ruining her daughter’s life and being mean by letting another child perform but not letting hers.
I don’t feel like I am a jerk but I feel like there could have been a better way to handle things but I just didn’t see it so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I have ADHD you can’t tell me what to do.’
Um… you can tell her what not to do. If the parents are useless someone needs to step in. If the parents don’t like it they can leave.
Regina and Emma sound like a nightmare wrapped in a hurricane. Personally, I would not invite them to the wedding.
It would not surprise me if Regina is itching to get her revenge and spoil it by using her out-of-control daughter.
Using ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior is a horrible idea and will not serve Emma well in the future. She will be ostracized and mocked for her outbursts. There will be many meetings at school revolving around her behavior.
Absolutely do not let the girl perform her skit. It’s inappropriate for a wedding in the first place. A song is normal – a comedy skit is weird. You are not ‘ruining’ the kid’s life for god’s sake. Overdramatic much, Regina?” Ghitit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is your day. It is very sweet for someone to want to sing to you, but another to want to poke fun at you on your special day. This is a big day for you, so do what you feel is right.
If Regina cannot understand why you don’t want to be insulted on your wedding day, maybe she should take a hard look in the mirror and feel those insults herself. Have a beautiful wedding, OP. Inappropriate comedy is not for a 10-year-old, nor for a wedding.
This is your day with your choices. Hopefully, your future husband can talk some sense into his sister.” Kidkaraba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can decide who performs at your wedding and who doesn’t. And that child’s behavior is wildly inappropriate, you can let the mother know the exact reason her daughter will not be performing at your wedding.
Tell her that the jokes she makes have affected the girl’s comedy in a way you don’t deem appropriate for your guests or your wedding night. If they request that your other niece not perform since her daughter can’t just politely say no and that she will be performing since she hasn’t offended the bride and groom.” meg_peaches
6. AITJ For Not Being Willing To Take Care Of My Grandparents Full-Time?
“I (25M) recently decided to visit my dad for an extended (2-week) vacation, going from Chicago to a small, rural beach town in Florida. Since I work remotely, I am splitting my time down here between taking days off and working.
I thought I would be staying with my dad, but he is full up at his house, so instead I am staying with my grandparents, who live in the same town.
When I arrived, it quickly became apparent that my dad had undersold my grandparents’ condition.
While neither needs a full-time nurse or anything, they clearly need a lot of extra help around the house. Which, to be clear, I am perfectly fine doing. I just wish I had been informed of this beforehand.
On my first day back working, my grandma fell and sustained a minor injury.
She was taken to the hospital and has recovered, but I’ve basically been attending to my grandpa’s every need since then while also working a full-time job from home.
Well, it was determined that my grandparents need something closer to full-time help around the house and they’ve settled on… me.
They told my dad this, and he immediately started setting things up for me to more or less move down to Florida full-time until my grandparents can be moved into an assisted living facility (which would take months, at least).
This includes him paying half my rent and bills for Chicago because I’m still on a lease for another year. As usual with my dad, this was not an ask, he was ‘telling me what was going to happen.’
I’ve never been good at sticking up for myself, but I immediately put my foot down. I told him in no uncertain terms that when my scheduled return flight was coming, I would be on it to go back to my life in Chicago.
My apartment and friends were there, not to mention that as a gay man, I will always be more comfortable living in Chicago than in rural Florida. My dad told me he was disgusted with me for not helping family and seemed to hint he wasn’t going to take me to the airport regardless.
I have no access to my own transportation down here.
AITJ for not being willing to take this on? I love my grandparents and they do need more help, I just can’t be the one to do it, especially since it was not my choice.
I have my own life too, but I feel really crappy now for not being willing to stay behind and abandon Chicago for a few months.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And your father lives right there in the same town as his parents?
He is voluntelling you because he doesn’t want to disrupt his life for his own parents. Since he can afford to help pay your rent while you’re there under his grand scheme, why can’t he use this same money to obtain in-home assistance for his parents while they wait on their place in the nursing community?
I’m sure that if circumstances were slightly different you might not have an issue with helping to assist your grandparents. But when their own child or children don’t want to step up to help, that’s a problem.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not responsible for your grandparents. I know that sounds rough, but that is the truth. You’re in no way required to offer up your life to care for your grandparents, not to mention that unless you work from home as a nurse (LOL) you’re also not qualified to take care of them.
Why doesn’t your dad take care of them anyway? Why doesn’t he give up his free time? They are his parents and even though that also doesn’t make it his responsibility, it certainly isn’t yours.
It’s really great that you have been helping them out but your choosing to take care of yourself doesn’t make you a jerk at all.” Severe-Initiative971
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a caregiver for even one person takes a huge toll mentally, physically, and emotionally for many many people.
Not only is your father forcing you to move across the country to a state where public policy will affect your life dramatically, but he’s also forcing you to take on a massive responsibility in caring for not one but TWO individuals that are NOT your responsibility, grandparents or otherwise.
What is your father doing to help them?
This is a decision you should be able to make given time. Not a day. Offering to maybe help pay for a visiting nurse instead, or taking an extra ‘vacation’ in the coming months could be compromises if you’re willing to make them.
But I have a feeling this ‘taking care of family’ thing will come up when your parents get older as well – be careful the precedent you set.” Mose4President
5. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Ruining My Tie?
“I (34m) was gifted a tie as the best man of my best friend’s wedding. It’s a pretty unique, flowery tie that really matches the suits, but is generally a ballsy style. I brought it to my parents’ house after the wedding, as they picked me up and it’s generally where I keep some things of mine since I own a smallish apartment with not much storage.
This is relevant.
The wedding was about 3 years ago, and it’s a very important gift to me. I found out yesterday, on the way back from a trip with my family (including my mother, dad, older sister (36), brother-in-law, and their two kiddos) that my mother had cut my tie in half to use as a marker for their luggage.
I waited at the carousel to grab their luggage, and when I handed it to her I asked her where she got the ‘ribbon’ and it got worse from there.
I got very, very upset, not because it was malicious, but because she knew it was mine (she stated this as I asked) and assumed I wouldn’t care, she never asked me if it was an important tie or if she could cut it in half (the answer would’ve been no) and this isn’t the first time she’s done something like that.
So I said, ‘What?! Why would you do that?’ And while she tried to reply I walked off and said ‘I can’t talk to you, don’t talk to me.’
An awkward car ride back, to say the least.
I stewed for a while, and by the end of the ride back from the airport, I decided I’d try to make amends, BUT then she decided to be petty and make a smug remark to our driver (my cousin) saying that the family gift we got them wasn’t from the US, no no, it was only from her and my dad.
She repeated this twice in an angry tone.
Found out she was livid at me for being upset. I sent her a text today because I heard she didn’t sleep well because of it. She hasn’t replied. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I agree that your mom should have asked before turning your tie into a luggage tag. But if the item is so important, why did you leave it at her house for 3 years? You’re a grown man, so clear your stuff out of your parents’ house and rent a storage room.
It’s obvious that your snarky mom has had enough of looking at other people’s belongings in her house and doing other people’s shopping. Take a hint.” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother thinks by being angry with you, your anger will turn into an apology to her for something SHE did.
She had no right to take something that was yours without asking and then not be remorseful about it after completely damaging it.
She owes you an apology. Let her stew on it for a while and when she sees no apology is coming from you, she may come around and try to make amends.
Also, items that mean a lot to you should be kept with you.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, she should have asked first but if you left it there for three years without coming back for it that’s a bit careless if it was this precious sentimental item.
Even if you were planning on storing it there, you could have said something in the three years it was there. I mean your mom’s house isn’t a lost and found.
As for what to do now, maybe see if you can salvage some of the original tie?
I’ve seen ties sewn into little rosettes and stuff you could get someone to do that and then frame it if you want it still for the memories.” blooming-oddly
4. AITJ For Increasing My Babysitting Rate?
“I (19F) have been babysitting since I was 13. Babysitting hasn’t been my main source of income this past year because I was working at a daycare. I recently quit my job at the daycare because of mistreatment and I knew I’d still be financially stable because I babysit.
All of the families I babysit for (there are 5) are in the same friend group. Family A, who I’ve been babysitting for 3 years now, introduced me to their friend group. I used to charge $13/hour because it was just a side gig.
One day about 4 months ago, family B called me up for a last-minute gig (while I was still working at the daycare) and offered to pay me $20/hour. I accepted. They’ve been paying me $20+/hour since then. 3 other families in the group who have heard about them paying me $20+/hour have also started doing the same.
Here’s where I start questioning if I really am a jerk here. The father from family A invited me to an event with the other families. I happily accepted and went. He pulled me aside that night and asked me if I could babysit their 2 kids the following Saturday.
I responded with yes and he then asked ‘Will it be $20/hour? I heard the price raised.’ I then explained how I never formally raised my prices and that the amount I was being paid by the other families was not me raising my prices, but them.
I then explained how I quit my job and that babysitting has been my main source of income for the time being. I told him that since my price went up so significantly it wouldn’t be realistic for me to go back to $13/hour.
He asked me if we could meet at $16/hour since they were going through financial trouble and I agreed. I was scheduled to watch the kids for 9 hours (4 pm-1 am). I did the math with him and their total was $144.
Everyone had left the friends-giving but me as I stayed to help clean up. I said goodbye to them and as I left the father said ‘$144?’ and I nodded and said ‘$144,’ and left. The next day I get a call from the mother.
She was yelling at me saying that I was a horrible jerk for not going back to $13/hour because I knew their financial situation. I then told her that I talked to her husband and we agreed on 16/hour. She continued to yell about how greedy and wrong I was and then said I would no longer be needed for Saturday and if I wanted to charge an arm and a leg I should’ve started there.
Then she hung up and texted me saying people like me are the reason she and her husband can never go out and have nice dates.
AITJ for increasing my prices knowing their financial situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a babysitter, not a charity, and whether or not they can go on dates is their concern, not yours.
The market has dictated your price to be $20/hr. Furthermore, the wife is way the heck out of line here – she’s definitely the jerk here. If they do hire you back, you should charge them $20/hr and let them know the next time the wife is abusive, you will guarantee they won’t be able to find a sitter for anywhere in that neighborhood.” mdkroma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d never sit for them again and I’d make a point to reach out by text or email (written proof) to the husband and clarify that you aren’t in fact coming on the weekend, as there seemed to be some confusion on the wife’s part.
I’d make it a point to also state you were verbally harassed by his wife and while she made it clear your services were no longer needed, you are no longer offering them due to her hostility towards you. I’d wish him the best of luck in finding a new sitter in this time of increasing prices.
And then I’d be extra petty and put her butt on blast on social media, make sure her friend circle sees it, and if you’re really extra, lament that people like this are the ones who make it hard to find nice sitters.
But that’s just me.” Xtrasloppy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t undervalue yourself & you surely shouldn’t let others coerce you into doing it either. They’re paying for your time and experience & if they can’t afford you then they need to find an alternative babysitter in their price range.
It was amicable for you to come to an agreement with the father but the mother’s attitude would void that agreement for any future care provided (beyond the already agreed upon date if they don’t find adequate care).” Few-Entrepreneur383
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom A Copy Of Our Family Photo?
“I decided I wanted professionally done family photos. We haven’t done them in 4 years and my kids are getting older and before they are adults I would like a nice picture of all of us together. My extended family has also been asking for some too.
My oldest (16) will not for any reason wear a dress. Not for homecoming or prom or anything. She wore a suit and tie for those. I just let her be herself. So for pictures, we agreed that she could wear her dress pants and one of her brother’s dress shirts and ties.
She looked really nice.
My son (15) wore dress pants and a dress shirt and tie. (he doesn’t care, he just wears whatever I toss at him)
My youngest (13) was going to wear a dress but managed to get it filthy when she spilled something on herself right before we left, so she ended up in dress pants and another one of her brother’s dress shirts with a tie.
Which she liked more anyway.
So all the kids ended up basically matching minus the color of their shirts (Black, White, and Grey).
I wore a dress, and my fiancé wore a dress shirt and pants.
These pictures came out very good and the kids all looked good in them (and weren’t making goofy faces).
I showed them to my family and my mom got mad and asked me why I don’t make my girls ‘look like girls’ and why I didn’t force them to wear a dress as they already look like boys because they have short hair.
On and on and on.
So I gave my brother, dad, and auntie who wanted one a picture but refused to give one to Mom since she didn’t like it anyway. Now Mom is blowing up my phone, saying I am unreasonable and that I need to give her a picture.
Yet she still is complaining about the girls’ clothing. The rest of my family thinks I should just give her a picture because ‘You know how she is’.
So AITJ for not giving mom a family photo, because she keeps commenting negatively about what my girls wore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like an exhausting complainer who will not be happy in any case. Why give her more ammo – which she will use the dress pants photo as.
Next time she asks tell her you will NOT give her a photo she disliked, and if she continues complaining about your kids and choices you will hang up and block her for a week.
TIME OUT!
And do this for every other time she complains about YOUR family or decisions. One complaint (text, email, phone, in person) and you give an instant warning that you will listen to no more. And when she complains again you block her on all media and/or toss her out the door, block her from talking to you or seeing your family for the TIME OUT.
Either she will learn to behave better or you will have peaceful periods of time without her. Win-win!” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Protect your kids at all costs.
A possible compromise, assuming you are comfortable: Ask your kids how THEY would like you to proceed.
The point of this is to avoid making unilateral decisions that might keep your kids at a distance from their grandparent. If they have an otherwise OK relationship, they’d likely agree, and you can proceed. If your mother has already managed to alienate the kids with her attitude, they may decline to share the photo.
(Protect your kids at all cost, even if it makes you uncomfortable.)” Herbie555
Another User Comments:
“She was a jerk, but it’s a bit petty to not give her a photo. You may think it’s sending a message, but it seems like she is just going to be mad at you instead of thinking about why she had that reaction and why it’s hurtful.
I don’t think the photo itself is the actual issue here, and it’s important she knows that for your child’s sake.” SugarHouse666
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Not Treating My Son Like Family?
“I (23F) have a partner (30M) called Tom (Fake Name), we got together when I was 20 and he was 27.
Tom has a son (14M) from a previous relationship, let’s call him Ethan (Fake Name). While there is only a 9-year age gap between me and Ethan, we are very close.
I met Ethan when he was 10 almost 11, and when I was 19 almost 20!
At this point, Tom and I were just friends so he didn’t see the harm in introducing me to Ethan. Not long after I met the pair, Ethan’s biological mom passed away. I only met her once when she was picking up her son.
Without going into too much detail, Ethan and his mom had a very rocky relationship, meaning it wasn’t as hard on him as we thought it would be.
Now back to the story. My family liked Tom and Ethan from the start, but about a year into my and Tom’s relationship, Ethan started calling me mom, on his own terms, and after some discussion with him, he told me that I was more of a mother to him in a year than his mom ever was.
He was young and just wanted a mother’s love so I gave that to him.
But my mother’s first issue was him calling me mom, she spoke to me about it and said that she ‘wasn’t comfortable being a grandmother yet.’ I told her that I didn’t care what she thought and she had to accept it.
That same year, I unexpectedly got pregnant. Suddenly my mom was ecstatic to be a grandma and would fuss all over the baby whilst I was pregnant. I noticed that she started to distance herself from Ethan a lot more than usual. It broke my heart but he told me that he didn’t mind since ‘She was just excited to have a baby in the family.’
9 months later my beautiful baby girl was born.
We took a picture of all 4 of us and posted it to our family group chat and also to social media. The issue is my mother wanted to announce the birth of my daughter, which was fine, but she used the same picture and ended up cropping Ethan out of it when posting on social media.
I was furious and she eventually took the photo down. And so was Tom.
Recently my mom just went on vacation and brought things back for everybody. It was a sweet gesture. My daughter Hope (Fake Name) who is just over a year old, got piled with gifts and toys.
Ethan waited patiently but nothing ever came out of her bag for him. When pulling her up on it, her excuse was ‘I didn’t see anything a teenage boy would like.’ It was very clear she just wanted to exclude Ethan.
I snapped completely. We had a full-on argument and I told her straight up ‘Start treating both my kids the same or you will have to miss out on your grandkids growing up.’ Her response to me was ‘Ethan is not your son…’ At this point, my son is sobbing and my daughter wants out.
Before we leave I whisper to her ‘You are a heartless witch who only cares about herself.’
Ever since then, my family (besides my partner and son) have been telling me to apologize but I refuse.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are ABSOLUTELY NTJ. Good job on standing up for your son! B***d or not you are absolutely his mama. If your mother has an issue with that then that’s HER problem. I’ve never been able to understand people who are intentionally cruel to a child because they aren’t a b***d relative.
When your mother saw you had taken this boy into your heart as your child, and he loved you as his mama then that’s all that should have mattered to her. Your mom definitely sounds like a piece of work.” HillBillyFillyKyGal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Jesus that’s outrageous behavior on her part. I feel so sorry for the wee lad caught up in this. Maybe you should apologize for how you communicated your anger but I would struggle to contain myself in your shoes also.
Your that wee lad’s mum in every sense of the word, he’s your family the least she could do is treat your decision with respect. Like he’s only a wee one. It’s going to be very hard to maintain a good relationship unless she starts to accept the lad as family.
I really hope she comes to her senses. All the luck in the world to you and your family.” gumlisoddcousin
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but your mom will probably never really see him as an actual grandchild because not only is he not biologically yours but she didn’t get to see him grow up from a baby.
Her ‘he’s not your kid’ wasn’t meant to invalidate your entire relationship with him but more of the ‘this child actually came from your body and is biologically related to me.’ I can understand the excitement of the birth of an actual first grandbaby but it shouldn’t be followed by exclusion and cruelty.
Does your mom have a history of mistreating Ethan or was this a one-off incident? Either way, you need to sit down with your mom without the kids present and have an actual calm discussion about the behavior you expect from her going forward.
She’s allowed to feel like Ethan isn’t her grandchild but he shouldn’t be treated differently than his sister.” seanthebean24
1. AITJ For Insisting My Stepson Wears Pants?
“I (33 m) put ‘stepson’ (14 m) in quotes because we aren’t married yet, but we have all been living together for a year and his mom (35 f) and I have been together for 3+ years (Planning on proposing at Christmas).
I take the kids to school 3 days a week, and the other day we got in a fight because it is 18 degrees and snowy, and he wanted to wear shorts to school. I told him he had to put on pants but he could have shorts on underneath and could take the sweats off at school if he wanted, but had to at least wear sweats on the way there in case we got stuck, slid into a ditch, or the school had a fire drill, etc. He got upset, but I put my foot down.
Talking with his mom she somewhat backed me up but in a discussion this morning she told me she felt I was being a bit ridiculous and that I was projecting my anxiety on ‘possible scenarios.’ I feel it irresponsible to let them go to school dressed like that.
We are fighting now because I got upset with her for saying I’m projecting my anxiety when in actuality, in my mind, I am being the responsible parent. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
But I suggest you compromise that he can wear shorts if he packs a pair of pants.
That you and his mom won’t be able to bring him a change of clothes in case he changes his mind or something happens.
And honestly, it’s unlikely that he’ll be in an accident that he’ll wish he wore pants, so that is a really strange rebuttal. If you’re that anxious about an unlikely scenario… That’s on you to manage your anxiety.
It’s not appropriate for you to put it on your stepson to bend over backward to manage your anxiety in weird ways.
Worst case, if he does manage to tear his clothes at school he can always go to the office and they’ll find something horrendous from the lost and found.
Natural consequences.
This is a pick your battles situation. He has few chances to express his individuality, and for some reason, he wants to be a shorts guy.” LadyCiani
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ. Anxiety and preparation are 2 different things.
What if you get stranded on the way to school? You’d have a teenage stepson in the middle of 18-degree weather with no pants on. You’ve assumed a father figure role for this entire family, and with that comes the responsibility of keeping your family protected and safe.
The same thing goes for the mother. I’d explain that to her. The fact that she wanted you to let her son wear shorts in 18-degree weather is absurd. You prepared for the worst-case scenario in order to keep him safe, you ain’t the jerk, man.” ThUnDER_bACoN
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – obviously it’s stupid to wear shorts in 18-degree weather. But 14-year-olds are pretty stupid (as is developmentally appropriate), and the best teaching method for this type of thing is to allow them to figure out that 18 degrees is very cold and pants are a better option.
It’s extraordinarily unlikely that your stepson would be facing any real danger by wearing shorts. It’s fairly likely that he will experience some uncomfortable natural consequences though.
So yeah, this is not a battle I would bother engaging in, mostly because it’s not a big deal AND you’re bound to lose.” chrystalight
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The problem is you’re not the parent. That’s his mom. Yes, you are an authority figure, but there’s a time and place for that. Teenagers can understand the consequences of their actions, and even in 18-degree weather, he’s not likely to get in a situation where he’ll get frostbite being driven to school.
You need to learn to pick your battles.” Internal_Progress404
