People Look To Us For Fair Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Use My Garage To Store Her Stuff?
“I (34f) have just bought my first house and I couldn’t be happier. It’s small, but enough for me and my pets, and it has a garage.
I’m very late moving out. I started attending college at 20 after working for a few years, and in the final year of my degree I had to go home because I was volunteered as an unpaid carer for a grandparent (he has 3 kids, but 2 claimed they were too busy with work/their kids, and my mom was working too).
I finished my degree remotely, but got stuck in the carer role until I was 31 – and because of this, I couldn’t work. Moving home was also not rent-free so I ate through my savings just surviving. It’s too long to go into details, but it was a decade of misery and I would never do it again.
It’s been 3 years since my grandparent died, and I finally have a job that pays well enough that I could save a deposit and get a mortgage. I’ve been desperate to move out and just escape my family since I was volunteered.
I moved in a couple of weeks ago, and I took everything I owned with me, which wasn’t much because I had to contain myself and my hobbies in my childhood room, so I have a really empty house I plan on filling with upcycled furniture gradually.
Since I moved in my mom has visited every day, and every day brought a car full of things for me to keep in my new place because I have room. I have politely told her ‘no’ every time. It’s usually duplicates of items or things she hasn’t used in years, that I also have no use for.
This has been a thing for as long as I can remember, with her asking me to hide liquor and food items in my bedroom as a child because she would eat/drink them otherwise, so even my room was never MY space.
Today she rang me up to tell me I am selfish and I should feel guilty for not letting her use my empty garage as storage.
I’ve told her no again because I have plans to use the garage as a workshop and I’ll be moving tools in there on my next paycheck to start working on furniture.
This spiraled into a full rant about how I should be grateful she allowed me to stay at home for the last decade and how much I owe her financially.
AITJ – Should I let my mom use my house as storage?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve more than earned the right to feel at home in your house and I doubt very much that you’d feel as comfortable with her junk all over the place.
If she needs more space, she could use your old bedroom.
By the way, I’m so excited for you to start this new adventure and to upcycle your furniture to make it fully your own while, I suppose, enjoying your hobby as you must have dreamed of doing for years!
I hope you find it as fulfilling as it sounds and wish you the very best.” Sharu-bia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Do NOT allow anyone to use your house as storage. You will never get it out again. Eventually, you’re going to have to threaten to sell or donate their stuff and it will cause much drama and agita.
(Yes, I have personal experience with this! And no, I don’t have a big house.) If the stuff is that important, they can pay for a storage space, or if not, they can donate or toss it. Or sell it. Social media is great for that, we have a local ‘Buy Nothing’ group and I’ve been slowly getting rid of all sorts of things that are too nice to throw out, not worth selling, but I don’t need. Or suggest your mom have a garage sale.
Everyone likes money and extra free space!” Pencils_
23. AITJ For Explaining Why Declawing Cats Is Wrong?
“I (M 30) have an ex-wife (F 30). We have 2 wonderful kids together, and it’s an amicable divorce, we don’t talk bad about each other, are still friendly, and still talk to each other’s family.
2 kiddos – F 11 and M 6.
I recently found an abandoned kitten. I decided to keep him, he won’t be declawed but will be fixed. He is a good baby, but he’s still a baby and learning to be gentle.
I knew that my ex had recently gotten 2 kittens, but hadn’t met them or discussed them with her. Obviously, not my business how she runs her household. We had not, in the past, discussed declawing of family cats. We mostly had dogs while we were together.
Well, the kids were playing with the kitten, at my house, without Ex present. F got bitten, not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to hurt. She asked me if there was a way to ‘de-tooth’ a cat like you declawed them.
I told her they would have quite a bit of trouble eating, and that it wouldn’t be good for the cat.
I also, and here’s the potential jerk issue, told them exactly what declawing is. I showed both of them the knuckle on their fingers that would be removed if they were declawed cats and explained that it can leave the cat defenseless.
I also explained that some cats can have issues with balance after being declawed. I stated in no uncertain terms that it was not a good thing, and that we teach a cat not to hurt us instead of removing parts of their body we don’t like.
I’m not looking forward to the ‘fixing’ cats talk, as that sounds super hypocritical now, but that’s an issue for another day.
Anyway. M informed me that their mother had had both of their cats declawed. Both he and F did not sound pleased with Ex, as it really made her sound terrible.
I did not know she had done this, or I wouldn’t have gotten as preachy as I did.
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely going to be in some hot water with your ex when she finds out you told the kids this, but NTJ.
All you did was tell the truth about a process that’s been banned in several parts of the world because of how astonishingly cruel it is.
And for the spaying talk: ‘We’re doing this so that the cats won’t get sick later. If they still have the parts that the vet is going to remove, they can get several kinds of cancer later in life that we don’t want them to have to deal with.’ There are health benefits above and beyond!” genus-corvidae
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. As you said, it is barbaric to declaw a cat, and this was an honest mistake, not an excuse to trash her.
It’s up to you if you want to give her fair warning so they don’t tell her that Dad said she’s mean and that they hate her for hurting the kittens, but I would recommend it if you’re on decent terms.
I’m surprised she found a vet to do it. Some states are making it illegal, and many vets refuse on moral grounds.” dehydratedrain
22. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Mom Live With Me After She Leaves Her Husband?
“My (32F) parents (60s M & F) have been divorced since my early teens. Both started seeing other people right away and my mom got remarried about 8 or 9 years ago. My sister (30F) and I lived with our mom until she was 16 and I was almost 18, we went and lived with our dad and his partner because our mom did not treat us well.
We were fine physically but she was emotionally and physiologically cruel and spent money on wine and shopping before paying bills or going food shopping. There was food in the house but it was little or unhealthy or expired, and the heat and electricity always stayed on but things like Internet and cable would get shut off sometimes.
To be clear, she had enough money, but her priorities were skewed. I felt like it wasn’t a real bad situation but it took its toll.
My mom’s new husband seemed fine, we never lived with him but saw him sometimes, my mom moved in with him in a house he already owned. They seemed happy, but I didn’t spend much time with him and she never really talked to me about their relationship outside of describing trips they took together or dinners they had, that kind of stuff.
Well apparently he’s been not nice to her the whole time and she’s just now getting fed up with it, I can’t go into details but there was an incident about 6 months ago involving the cops and them going to court. She’s gone from telling me nothing about their relationship to telling me everything.
She’s been wanting to talk it out and come to some resolution but he’s been avoiding conversation and trying to have everything go back to normal, so she told me the other day that she’s decided to leave him, but hasn’t told him yet.
Her life is not in danger, this is not an emergency situation.
I am worried that she will ask to move in with me, and I have to say no, my mental health cannot take living with her again. I’ve done well for myself as an adult, I own my own home and I have a good job, I’ve gone to therapy for my past trauma.
My life is how I want it to be right now.
I have a spare bedroom and currently live alone, so I could physically take her in, but I know she’d never leave and wouldn’t contribute much financially. She’s been out of work the last few years (she quit her old one because of the 45-minute commute) and just got a new job near where she lives now, an hour away from me.
She’d quit if she came here so she’d be out of a job again. She also drives me insane just living an hour away, so I can’t imagine what her living in my home would do to me.
So would I be a jerk for telling her she can’t live with me even if that means she has nowhere to go right away?
She has a job now but she works at a school, it isn’t high paying so she’ll be lucky if she can afford an apartment of her own in our area.”
Another User Comments:
“Be proactive. Gather a list of links to resources that could be helpful for her.
Then when she asks, explain that you love the progress the two of you have made in rebuilding your relationship. Moving in together would cause a lot of stress on your relationship and you don’t want to lose what you have with her. You love her and want to help her.
Here’s what you’ve found so far and send the links. NTJ.” Livid-Flan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Help your mom and yourself by guiding her to self-sufficiency resources. There are more women than you would imagine who are 50+ and just now learning to forge an independent life for themselves.
With help and support, she can find a ‘tribe’. If you set up weekly meet-ups or check-ins, you can be close and encourage her, without her living with you. Hopefully, you can guide her toward self-sufficiency without the dreaded ask ever happening.” OhioPhilosopher
21. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Significant Other For Being Jealous Of My Classmate?
“I’m (21M) studying architecture, every semester we have a class called ‘The concepts of Architecture’ that leads to our Thesis classes, every semester is a new subject.
I’m taking TcA 4 now and this semester we have to do a 15-story department building with commercial stores. In my career there are a few students who are known to always be at the top of the TcA, this semester I shared it with Ariel (22F).
I was really excited because she knows a bunch of stuff about Revit and Photoshop, and her projects are really marvelous, I befriended her and showed her some of my previous work and we agreed to work together.
I was really excited because I wanted to apply for an exchange and being the top project of the class would help me a lot.
I explained all of this to my significant other Kayla (20F) and she was excited for me too, we have an overall good relationship, we trust each other and we’re happy.
When I started to work with Ariel she was really honest with me, she’s a bit dense when it comes to contacting her workmates, she doesn’t like to call but she said she’ll constantly text me to give me updates, ask some stuff, explain and correct me.
She said that if I was uncomfortable with this she understood and agreed that I could turn off her notifications on WhatsApp, just to please check our chat at least, every night, and that if it was an emergency (such as before our due dates) she’ll call and I must pick up.
She’s maintaining an A+ scholarship, so grades are a huge deal to her to keep studying.
Aside from that, she’s actually pretty cool, very chill when it comes to explaining stuff (like, I’ve learned A LOT thanks to her, and she explains it so easily, she also works really fast, like I don’t know how she does it, but she’s pretty amazing).
She’s, in a sense, what I want to be as an architect, good with the computer, good with hands, good with planning and organizing.
However, I think I might’ve seemed a little too excited to work with her because Kayla began to get mad at me over the times I mentioned our project (which is, at the moment, top of the class).
She bad-mouthed Ariel once and I cut her crap off because it’s nothing like that.
Our last assignment is due next Friday, and Ariel texted me that I did a good job with the renders and she only wanted to add something. Kayla took her number from my phone and then texted her herself to call her a bunch of nasty things and that, when our project is over, she better stay away from me.
Ariel sent me the screenshots and apologized, saying that she didn’t mean to cause any problems in my relationship.
I confronted Kayla and we fought, she accused me of ‘liking Ariel too much’ because I let her send me 8+ texts per day and I said that it wasn’t even about her, I just loved our project, and that if my workmate was a man, this wouldn’t be a problem.
I asked her to leave my house as soon as possible and her friends are calling me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Hope you stay top of the class. That being said, you’re clearly NTJ. Both you and your workmate have set clear boundaries and by the sound of it, you do make a good team.
Your SO feeling insecure and going overboard to insult Ariel is definitely a jerk move.
What would happen if you end up having other female colleagues in an architecture cabinet and she behaves the same? It’s not okay and could be prejudicing for you in a possible future job position.
While this would be a thing to break up on a personal level, if you can, perhaps try to sit down with Kayla and have a talk about her insecurity and why she felt the need to go to such lengths that could jeopardize your studies.
Communicate clearly whether or not you’d be able to handle her and whether or not she’s willing to get help for it and if things seem to be too different between what you and she need and expect from this relationship, then it’d be better to call everything off and go on your separate ways for everyone’s sake and mental wellbeing, while it can still be salvageable.” Psychological_Ad3329
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO is treating Ariel like a girl you are hanging out with way too much, instead of a serious project and assignment partner that is important to your grades. There is an unspoken rule about partners not doing anything to sabotage your job and I’m going to add to it that don’t let partners or friends mess with study time and grades.
If you are really serious about doing well in your chosen career, you might want to put relationships on the back burner for now.” User
20. AITJ For Wanting To Wear My Wedding Dress To My Cousin's Wedding?
“My husband and I finally had our wedding this year, and I’ve never been one for one-time clothing items as wedding dresses often are. With that being the case, I chose my dress with the vision of hopefully wearing it to special events for years to come, picking a versatile style and material that could easily be dyed. The hemline falls just above the knees, and while the (short) sleeves are lace, it’s relatively simple as far as wedding dresses go.
I’ve sent it to be dyed a pastel blue and embroidered with some floral designs matching my wedding bouquet, so when all is said and done it won’t look anything like a traditional wedding dress.
Of course, I’ve been very excited about this after sending it to the woman I chose to do the alterations and was gushing to my sister about it yesterday, showing her other photos of the woman’s work and such.
I mentioned the idea of wearing it to our cousin’s wedding this next spring and my sister immediately shut that idea down as being super trashy.
I felt pretty embarrassed about it at the moment when she called me out for it because, when you put it like that, wearing your own wedding dress to someone else’s wedding IS pretty trashy… even if it looks like a very nice, but ordinary dress by then.
Our mom had overheard at that point and came to my defense, but the gossip spread through the family pretty quickly and the opinions were very mixed. I did ask my cousin, and for what it’s worth she actually loves the idea, but with a few other relatives being against it I feel conflicted about whether or not this was a good idea.
I know I can still wear it to other occasions, but now with some family members encouraging me to wear it to my cousin’s wedding and some saying I’m trying to steal attention, I guess I’m hoping for some outside opinions. Thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because the bride was fine with it, it’s not going to be white, and it’s not an obvious wedding dress style like a ballgown.
Other people’s events, definitely ask first, but if the bride and groom are okay with it, it’s nobody’s business.
My mom’s wedding dress was dusty pink and she wore it to family events for ages. It’s basically an empire waist gown with lace at the top, and you wouldn’t guess it was a wedding dress from the photos.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I get your idea of wanting to repurpose it, and a wedding is the obvious place to wear a nice dress.
But it is a bit strange because these people will have been to your wedding and might recognize it. Fine if you were a plus-one at someone else’s wedding maybe, but not this time.
It was great you asked the bride to be sure, but still others will spot it, and it’s just not worth it.
With weddings, anything controversial that MIGHT cause offense, just avoid.” Original-Winter9334
19. AITJ For Prohibiting My Ex's Partner From Using My Children's Gadgets?
“I (f 31) have two children (m 10 and f 8) with my ex, who for the purpose of this story we will call Craig (m 33.)
Last year Craig started going out with the mum of our daughter’s best friend. We will call the woman Daisy.
Things have been fractured between my ex and me since we split, with him being a roller-coaster of wanting to be a dad and being no help/having nothing to do with his children.
It honestly depends on the woman he has at the time as to how much of a role he has in their lives. Presumably, because our daughter is Daisy’s daughter’s best friend, since they started living together he has played a more regular role in their lives.
My children both have devices that I have paid for (My son has an old phone of mine and my daughter a new tablet.) The phone has a data-only sim in it which I pay for the data.
Recently I was away visiting family, and my ex told me he wished to have the kids as it was his dad’s birthday.
I told him this was fine, and we arranged to meet in a location that was halfway between. It was a location neither of us could get to without GPS, but it was halfway.
After picking up the children, my ex needed a GPS to get back to his Dad’s but his phone had gone flat.
Daisy wouldn’t allow him to use her phone and told him he needed to use my son’s phone instead. So they used my son’s phone/data to get them back whilst she sat playing games on her phone.
I got really upset by this, as I feel like it’s not her right to dictate how my son’s phone gets used. Especially when she had a phone, she just didn’t want to use up her data.
She also has a history of taking my children’s devices to read conversations between me and my children.
I have told my children she is not allowed to touch their devices. If she wishes to use their devices over hers or snoop on them, then she can chip in for the cost of them and the data.
I get 20 cents a week in child support from him, so before anyone says anything. The child support is not contributing to their cost.
AITJ for making my decree?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here. And you didn’t put your kids in the middle of this, his partner did when she demanded their electronics be used or surrendered for snooping.
Your EX has a right to snoop. She doesn’t. And NEITHER has a right to demand usage they don’t pay for.
Frankly, if the dad won’t say anything to the woman to make her stop then the kids will have to. I mean someone needs to say something.
They shouldn’t HAVE to as kids, but maybe they need to step up and be the adult if their father won’t. It’s just like telling kids to say please and thank you. Telling them to say to stop bullying or to stop advantage-taking behavior is an important lesson too.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she shouldn’t even be touching their devices let alone snooping through their conversations with you. You have every right to be upset and not want your son’s device to be used and charged when she is the adult who has a fully working phone up front.” Expensive_Ad1145
Then leave HER a message on both devices telling her that when SHE or partner start oayj g for the data and or devices she has NO RIGHTS to be reading g your messages to YOUR KIDS and she needs to stop
18. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Blaming My Wife For Her Own Problems?
“I’m a married mother of two kids, who are 6 and 10 years old. Before my wife got pregnant she told me that she wanted to stay home with any kids we had when they were young. We ran the math and it could work so she is a stay-at-home parent.
Here kids start school in September of the calendar year they turn 6 years old, which for my oldest is this year. My wife is returning to work later next month.
My wife is an accountant. Since tax season is the slow time at my job I take lots of time off and my wife worked at her old firm for a couple of months every year.
She also kept up with professional development, industry news, and networking while she was off work. We made sure to budget so we could have some money in savings and that I had a good life insurance policy since I was the one working full-time.
Basically, we budgeted and planned and had a safety net.
My sister is also a stay-at-home parent. However, she and her husband spent more than he made every month and maxed out their credit cards on expensive clothes and vacations. My sister has no degree or educational savings, she has only had one minimum wage job and she quit when she was pregnant by telling her manager to ‘shove it up her butt’.
These are things my sister has told me herself.
Her husband had a job but now he’s been arrested and will likely be going to prison for the next 5-10 years. Just an estimate of the amount of time. My sister is in a bad spot even with family helping her where we can.
She blames my wife for putting the idea in her (my sister’s) head that she too can stay home. My wife never advised her. I understand that she is really stressed out so the first time I did not say anything because even my wife told me to leave it alone.
The next time she started badgering my wife and blaming her I told my sister to back off and stop blaming my wife for her own problems. This is after my wife offered to watch her kids while she met with the staff at the benefits office or went to job interviews.
At that point, my sister cried and now she’s shouting from the rooftops about how awful my wife and I were to her. I’m irate and wish I had said something the first time. It’s not our fault my sister didn’t plan better. I would hope to never go to prison but we planned and sacrificed for my wife to be able to stay home.
My sister is angry at us but I’m irate with her for putting this blame on my wife who didn’t do anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister made a decision that turned out to be a bad plan and they didn’t have contingencies in place.
Assuming your wife and your sister have the same advantages (opportunities for education, financial support if they went to university, accommodations for any disabilities, etc) then there is only your sister and her husband to blame for their situation.
If you and your wife had some unintentional advantages (ie your wife went to a better school, or your sister has ADHD which is underdiagnosed in women and can result in poor decision-making and struggling academically which leads to poor employment) then that’s not your fault, but I can see why your sister would be salty and looking for someone to blame.” Obsidian-Winter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister did not plan, prepare, or take into account that something could happen where she would need to return to work.
That’s on her, not you and your wife. Your wife was nice enough to offer to babysit. Even after being insulted now I would say that the sister needs to find a new babysitter.
She owes your wife an apology as well as you.” SkrogedScourge
17. AITJ For Stopping Sharing My Spotify Account With My Mom?
“I (22F) let my mother (40sF) borrow my Spotify account when she threw a party in June. I listen to music and podcasts pretty much constantly but there was no issue until she started work again early this month.
She listens to the account on her way to work and on her way home, and we literally start at work at the same time so she is always listening to music while I’m jogging to work or taking the bus home. She refuses to use the offline mode for whatever reason.
But the biggest issue is that it messes with my account. My Spotify is all messed up because she listens to other music than me so I can no longer discover new stuff on Spotify’s made-for-me playlists.
I told her four days ago that I didn’t want her to use it anymore.
She said that she didn’t want to pay for it and that it was unfair because she paid for Netflix and Hulu for me and the rest of the family. I told her that I pay for the HBO and Disney+ for us all so it isn’t really a fair bargain, but if she wanted to she could stop sharing her streaming accounts with me as I get most streaming services free through my job.
(Perks of being in the film/TV industry.) She got mad and ended the conversation. Then she didn’t talk to me for two whole days.
I was scrolling social media and saw the ‘get three months of Spotify for free’ campaign and sent it to her.
It wasn’t to be mean, I just thought it would solve her issue of not having to pay for it for three months, as she has never had a Spotify account before and therefore is eligible for the campaign. She sent me a text saying I was ungrateful and that there are worse things in the world than having my Spotify messed up, I told her I agreed but why shouldn’t I get to utilize a service I pay for fully, especially when she has the money and the means to just get her own account.
Well no she won’t talk to me and my brother is telling me I’m a jerk for not just letting her use it.
I can’t get the dual/family membership as I have the student version for cheaper.
I’m considering opening an account for her with my email and card but she would never start paying after the 3 months have passed, so I’d either be stuck with paying for two accounts or have to cancel it which would make her furious..
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is the jerk here. You pay for enough things outside of Spotify to balance out the things she pays for, so she can’t use that as ‘leverage’.
She knows it frustrates you and causes you inconvenience, and this is YOUR service, not the family’s service, but she doesn’t seem to care.
She is way too entitled. It seems similar to a situation where you let your mom borrow an outfit of yours for a party once, and now every day she dresses from your closet.
Not sure how to solve it without causing lots of strife, but I sympathize with you.” Pupumonke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just change your password. This is not a difficult problem to solve. It’s frankly really immature of your mom to try to emotionally manipulate you by giving you the silent treatment over something she had the means to pay for.
And if your brother thinks you’re the jerk then tell him he’s right and that you’re not changing your mind so you’ll be happy to tell Mom he can share his account with her or pay for one for her.” Epsilon_and_Delta
16. AITJ For Selling My Baby Stuff To Someone Else?
“I (F) lost my 1-month-old baby (bad heart formation) 3 months ago. After a lot of therapy, I finally decided to sell the clothes, toys, crib, feeding chair, etc. Before you criticize the fact that I’m selling, some people in my town take donations of expensive baby stuff to sell to others and I didn’t feel comfortable donating, that’s all.
I just wanted to get rid of it, most things were not gifts, I bought it (single mother here) and it’s all good brands. They were never used, my baby girl was in the hospital all her life. So crib, bassinet, clothes for 1-12 months, toys, high chair, everything wasn’t even used. I just keep the custom stuff.
Everything was 1/3 of the value it was in a regular store because I just wanted to sell quickly.
I posted all the items on Instagram and a friend, Sara, who is 4 months pregnant with a girl, said she was interested in buying everything. Talking with her, she said that she would check with her husband to see if he would release the money because despite being a high price, it would be much cheaper than in the store.
I gave preference to her since she was interested in everything.
3 days without any response, I sent a message she said they were planning and waiting for her husband’s payment to make this purchase and asked to wait another 2 days. It passed and nothing.
A person sent a message on the 6th day, saying that he was interested in buying everything, I waited as long as my friend asked and I didn’t send a message, after all she was the one who was interested. I ended up selling it to this person who picked everything up the next day (my friend didn’t text).
Two days after having sold everything, she told me that she had delayed her husband’s payment and that she could finally pay it right.
When I said that I had already sold everything, she started freaking out saying that she had asked to wait because she wanted to and I still sold it to a total stranger.
Even though I said I waited as long as she asked and she didn’t even text to let me know… she said I might as well have asked her if everything was okay.
Well, now she made a post on social media saying that a ‘friend’ was selling baby stuff instead of donating and that even though she asked to wait, the friend sold it to someone.
And everyone defended her and criticized me.
I didn’t think I was wrong, after all who wants to go after it, but this publication made me insecure. I just wanted to sell it soon, because it hurt to see these things (she knew that).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is a jerk, you waited the proper amount of time, she should be the one on top of communication if she wanted it so badly. Also, you’re well within your rights to sell anything you want. Boo hoo, you didn’t donate expensive items. She’s a sore loser.
If she wanted to make a smear campaign online against me it would be the last time we spoke.” PeteyPorkchops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You just lost your child. That’s the most important detail of this story. I am so so sorry OP. You have been dealt such an unfair hand, I hope with time you find healing and peace.
The audacity of a ‘friend’ to behave this way given the reason why you had items to sell at all is ASTOUNDING. How dare she!” Emmyxo212
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Peace and comfort to you.
15. AITJ For Telling Our Family Why I Stopped Talking To My Dad?
“I (17F) recently got into trouble with my dad.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 7. My brother who is a year younger is by far my dad’s favorite. When I was 8 I wanted to learn the violin. It was through school. I was told I had to earn the money for the after-school classes.
I did it by selling lemonade. I made it with my granny. My brother wanted to play baseball. He didn’t have to do anything. My dad bought him everything he needed including paying the fees. When I turned 12 I needed my own violin. I was told again I had to earn it.
I babysat my 4 cousins for the summer.
I bought a used violin. At this point, my brother was playing 4 different sports all paid for by my dad. My dad attended every single game. When he has yet to come to a concert for me.
Last year I earned the opportunity to play for a state competition.
I had to pay for the trip. I saved the money working part-time at Arby’s.
When I went to withdraw the money it was gone. My dad admitted he took it and used it for my brother’s baseball uniform. (He was given one but tore it somehow and my dad said he HAD TO replace it.)
I was mad at my dad. He has played favorites my whole life. Then took away something I actually earned. I told my mom I didn’t want to talk to my dad or go back to his house. I was 16. She told me I was old enough to make my own choices.
I haven’t seen my dad in almost a year. Then Great Grandma’s birthday party. My dad decided to complain to anyone who would listen that I refused to see him. I had all my aunts and uncles getting mad and saying things to me.
I became frustrated with the situation. I stood up and explained to the whole family why I stopped talking to my dad then left.
My brother, dad, and other family members are saying I am the jerk, that I should have discussed it one-on-one with my dad and not called him out in front of the whole family over a school trip.
That I ruined grandma’s birthday party. I feel differently this was something I worked hard to earn. I feel like I was being treated poorly there. Am I the jerk for calling him out for what he has done while at my Grandma’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s the ‘dad’, not you. He’s being a big child trying to use the family to retaliate against you for setting a boundary and enforcing it. He deserves a bit of shame for his theft and favoritism. Does your brother even understand what’s been going on, or is he all on board with the special treatment at your cost?
Also, you need to communicate with your mom so she can help you stand up against adults who should have already recognized the abusive situation your dad put you in.” MontanaRogues
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am sorry you were treated this way. It is not your fault and if any relatives say you shouldn’t have called your dad out tell them he is the adult and called you out first by talking bad about you to them.
What does that say about your dad?
Make sure your dad does not have access to any more of your money. Have your mom take you to get your own bank account. Please continue to play the violin and continue to live your life. You are old enough to decide if you want a relationship with your dad in the future.” LeggyBrynn
14. AITJ For Causing A Classmate To Get Kicked Out Of Class?
“I’m (21F) in my third year of Architectural School, as you may know, the field is FILLED with men (students AND professors) and while there are plenty of women too, the environment it’s still sexist and hard for us.
I have a classmate called Osmal (25M) who has already worked in the field and has a lot of experience in construction, we’re together in Construction III and the professor is no joke, he’s one of the top 10 architects in our city, has worked for BIG companies and doesn’t take anybody’s crap, people say that this class is the most difficult among the constructions (I-V) because of him, but that there’s no one better to teach you and if you really want to learn, then you better take the class with him.
He values hard work, discipline, and willingness, he’s building something at the moment, so most of our classes are taken IN SITU so we can watch and learn. Osmal and I are on top of the class at the moment, I don’t have as much experience as him, but I do try my best, I’m always asking questions and I’m quite involved with my professor’s crew (which he doesn’t mind at all), but Osmal is always making fun of me.
That I look stupid wandering around like a beginner, that maybe construction is not my thing, and that I should stick to design or something, that nobody will respect me because I’m a woman (which is not true, my professor’s crew is really respectful towards me).
He’s always making these comments when our professor is away because he’s not a moron, he’s known for kicking or punishing students because he doesn’t tolerate abuse.
Well a week ago we were IN SITU again working with concrete and I was with another classmate (22F) watching how they finished filling the foundations and I accidentally tripped and fell, the guys and I laughed and they helped me get out but Osmal flipped on me, he began to berate me (as if he were the chief architect or something) and he said ‘I told you!
You’re stupid, you don’t belong here! Stick to the pencil and get out!’ but our professor happened to be around and he heard him. He asked what he was talking about and scolded him because he’s no one to be giving me those kinds of speeches, that just because he has a little more experience than the rest of us doesn’t make him better, and that he has done a few mistakes over the course of the class and he never treated him as if he were stupid.
He was sent to coordination and our professor kicked him out of the class after some other classmates spoke up and said that he did the same with them. Now Osmal and his family are blaming me because he was put on hold until ‘his case is reviewed’ but since it was our professor who sent him, everyone thinks he’ll be expelled and I feel guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – one, he has been a jerk for a while and you could have got him into trouble any time if you’d have been of a mind. Two, he went off on you and the professor heard. Nothing to do with you even if you were the one who fell.
Three, it was your classmates who spoke up to say they’d experienced something similar. I can’t see why you are getting ‘the blame’ for his actions unless his parents are sexist too.” SafariOleg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Here’s the thing – you have been brought up to always make peace, to never be divisive, to be blamed when there is any conflict.
Because you are a girl.
So, you think it is normal for people to blame you. Just look at your posting title. You state that YOU caused your classmate to be kicked out. That isn’t true. HE got himself kicked, while you constantly ignored his bad behavior.
Please remember that we are all responsible for our own actions, and tell others who blame you that he did this to himself, you did nothing.
And be aware that you can not change bigots like this to recognize your worth. He has blinders on that he is totally unaware of.
He sees you as a lesser human because of gender, and there is nothing you can do to change him. So don’t try. Do not throw away your energy just to get crapped on by him or those like him.
You are too valuable.
Instead, connect with people who value you.
And make the first time a person treats you this way be the way you see them. Give them no second chances to demean you while you beg for respect.
As Maya Angelou said: ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.'” sezit
13. AITJ For Letting My Dad Claim That He's The One Who's Paying For My Brother's Tuition?
“I (m 25) pay my brother named Joey’s college tuition. Our parents decided to not pay his tuition after they got into a petty fight.
I thought it was unfair so I got involved. I made a bit of money so I decided to put it towards his tuition. I’m also using the money I was planning to use for my MBA because my current company is sponsoring it.
I’ve laid out a detailed plan to him about the rules and how he has to go about paying me back.
Joey has done everything I’ve asked of him so far. He’s already lined up a summer job and he’s made a solid dent in his loans.
He made the dean’s list in both semesters of his freshman year while working with a 3.6 GPA. I’m proud of him but my parents were even prouder. They held a family BBQ for his birthday and his accomplishments in his freshman year. They invited all of our extended family.
Basically, they turned his celebration into their own little parade.
My dad was sitting with my uncles and he was bragging about Joey. One of them asked my dad how much his tuition was and he surprisingly answered. He then started lying and saying that they were paying for the entire thing.
I didn’t say anything because I hate these family events and I mostly keep to myself. The last thing I wanted to do was start an argument at a family event I didn’t even want to be at. My partner started nudging me to say something about it and I just excused myself to go to the bathroom.
Joey and my partner confronted me about it and asked why I didn’t say anything. I told them to just leave me alone and that I didn’t want to start something. Joey isn’t too mad but my partner weirdly is. She’s claiming I’m acting ‘weak’ and that I should take credit for what I did.
I’m a big believer in there always being a time and a place. I also don’t particularly like my extended family but that’s a separate story.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I understand why you let it slide on this occasion.
Sometimes, it’s just not worth the drama, especially when it would draw even more attention away from Joey’s achievements.
However, Joey and your partner were right to be indignant on your behalf. Your parents, your father especially, were out of line. I do agree that you should set the story straight, but I also agree with you that causing even more drama during the BBQ wasn’t the way to do it.
You might want to talk with your partner about what’s really bothering her because (as a fellow female) my instincts say that it’s not just about this incident. She sounds as if she has more on her mind.
The only jerks here are your parents.
Good for you for helping Joey and for doing it because you care about Joey, not because you want to boast about it.” PurpleWomat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re a great brother for not only helping out but for not grandstanding about it to the family.
And the end of the day, people will find out about your father’s lies and come to mistrust him on his word.
You didn’t turn a celebration of your brother’s achievements into a fight, you took the high ground and you should feel good about it.” countingpickles
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Dad?
“Two years ago I lost my husband and moved back to my home state. My dad was living with my brother, his wife, and children but was getting on his wife’s nerves so it was decided that he would move in with me. I was not thrilled with this situation as my dad and I have never gotten along that great, but I was in no condition to really argue.
I was mourning my husband, lost, and honestly not thinking a whole lot.
I bought a house and my dad moved in. It was understood that I do not cook and I would not start just because he was moving in, my kids are adults with families of their own.
The only time I cook is when one of my grandkids stays the night. It was also understood that I planned to travel, that my dogs (both are under 15 lbs) had run of the house, that I opened my windows all the time, and I wasn’t going to change any of this.
I work from home, so I can work anywhere which has always been nice for me. I wanted to make sure this was understood before he moved in, in case he would rather move into a retirement center. Nope, he wanted to move in with me.
Fine, ok so he does.
Now, he complains all the time that I don’t cook, he’s tired of soup, sandwiches, and TV dinners, it wouldn’t kill me to cook since I’m home all day, he yells at my dogs that they get underfoot when he does come out of his room.
When the grandkids stay the weekends he yells at them to do this and do that for him, he gets mad when I’m working and don’t/can’t/won’t talk. I guess I should explain he fell shortly after moving in with me and now has to use a walker and can’t be left alone so I cannot travel because no one will come to stay with him and he won’t let a CNA or nurse help him.
He can’t even get food for himself anymore, so now I am stuck.
I know I sound ungrateful and I don’t mean to be, but this is not what I agreed to. I am not even 50 yet and I cannot do anything anymore, have had to put off my own medical care because I have no help, have had to cancel trips I had planned, and I am depressed constantly.
I miss my husband and never really got to grieve him because of all of this and I am miserable. I never agreed to be a caretaker and that’s basically what I am now. AITJ for not wanting to take care of my dad? I’ve offered to hire a CNA or Nurse so I can do what I planned, but he refuses.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m gonna say NTJ – it sounds like your relatives took advantage of your vulnerable state as a chance to push a decision onto you when you couldn’t fully process or reject it.
Especially considering you’re still working, and even though he refuses to do so on his own, a facility with trained nurses on staff really might be best for your father.
You don’t cook and he can’t cook for himself. You have your own health issues and caring for him is preventing you from getting treatment. These are not okay. I hope you’re able to either talk to your relatives that he previously lived with or find a way to reason with him.
Maybe pointing out, ‘You agreed to all of this when you chose me to live with. You don’t get to complain or try to force me to change. I’m sorry, but if that’s all you’re going to do then we need to find someone better suited to live with you, Dad.'” Trouble_in_Mind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Assuming your dad is cognitively intact, he is responsible for his own room, board, and medical care. You are not obligated to provide these things for him. His desire to have you care for him instead of a nurse does not trump your desire to travel.
His desire to live with you instead of a retirement home does not trump your desire to live alone. You were clear with him from the start about the dynamics of your household and he accepted that.
It is obviously hard for older adults to accept the necessary changes to their lives as they age, particularly when the parent-child dynamic shifts so dramatically.
But just because he is older and has physical impairments does not mean that he gets to act like a jerk.
It is ok to tell him that this is not working and he can no longer live with you.” Forward_Squirrel8879
11. AITJ For Refusing To Go To A Memorial Service For My Baby At My In-Laws' House?
“My husband (32M) and I (24F) have been married nearly 4 years. He gets along well with my parents but unfortunately, his family seems to hate me. The 1st time he took me to meet them, his mom (G) thought I was too common and that the dish I brought sucked. She didn’t say these things to me but rather to my husband in private.
When we got married, G immediately started asking about when we would start trying to have kids. She was also very controlling of the wedding planning and in particular my dress. I had a pretty amazing wedding but she definitely hurt the experience and since then I’ve decided I just don’t wanna associate with her.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t entirely possible since my man is a mama’s boy and has always excused her behavior.
Whenever they’d come to us or we went to them, G was always badgering me about babies. It got even worse when hubby’s sister (M) started having kids.
She managed to have 3 kids in 5 years. Whereas I’ve managed none despite 2 good years of effort. I can definitely tell that this has angered G as now whenever we’re together she makes me feel so inadequate. G constantly praises M while ignoring all my accomplishments.
M herself seems to have a superiority complex and loves making snarky comments at my expense.
So, unfortunately, nearly 3 months ago I had a stillbirth. She was 6 months along and my 1st pregnancy. Obviously, it was a devastating loss for me and my husband. My baby girl’s due date is in 6 days and I’m dreading the day.
I’ve thought about going to her grave and talking to her, maybe even reading bedtime stories to her. I haven’t been to her grave since the funeral so it’s gonna be really difficult to go, but I feel like I owe it to her.
Unfortunately, hubby has decided to set up a memorial service at his parents’ house in honor of our daughter on that day and didn’t even think to ask me.
He says it’s cause I’ve been so emotionally distant and he thinks being around family will be good for me. I blew up at him and said there’s no way I’m doing that. Being around M and especially G at this point would kill me.
I told him he could go to his parents’ while I spent the day doing my own thing. Hubby says I’m being very rude. G called me today and said that if I don’t show up it’ll be just another thing I’ve done to disappoint her.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband’s decision to put his extended family before you is disgustingly selfish. You should be blocking his mother and sister and only have contact when you feel like it. It seems they’ve brought nothing positive to your life specifically and we don’t get awards for offering ourselves up to be crapped on by others.
I am so sorry for your loss OP.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But this already seemed like a toxic story when you mentioned the huge age gap between you and your husband.
Rather than standing up for you, your husband dismissed your feelings as a mother who lost their daughter and expected you to push them aside to be civil with your MIL.
When in actual fact your mother-in-law is the one who has been horrible to you and put an immense amount of pressure on you to have kids as soon as you got married.
You’ve experienced an immense loss and should be entitled to grieve and mourn privately without facing the judgemental opinions and scrutiny of your poisonous in-laws.
There’s no doubt she would spew a lot of poison towards you and find ways to blame you for the loss or make you question your ‘femininity’ as you’ve not had any children yet, compared to the other women in the family.
Sounds very backward, but that’s the kind of image portrayed by your in-laws and your husband, who are the jerks.” saltysegall
10. AITJ For Only Taking My Daughter To Hungary?
“I (45m) have 2 children. Vienna (18f) and Rome (25m). (Rome is from my previous relationship, Vienna is from my current marriage). Up until he turned 18 I had Rome every weekend. I always tried to bond with him but his mother remarried when he was 4 so he favoured his stepdad more than me.
This hurt but I was glad that Rome was close with his stepdad.
Rome was a huge F1 fan and I always felt so close to him when we’d go to see the races in person together. But his stepdad was more of a football fan and he got Rome into football as well so Rome eventually wouldn’t watch races with me.
This hurt but I understand he had other interests. I remarried when Rome was 6 and Vienna was born when he was 7. He adored his sister and growing up they were very close which made me happy.
Eventually, he hit his teenage years and was spending more and more time with his friends and less time with me.
He usually had football practice on the weekends so he’d stay with his mother as the pitch was closer to her. I still saw him and we spent time together and we had fun. When he turned 18 he stopped coming over as often as he had university.
Eventually, he just stopped contacting me and wouldn’t reply to my texts. He stopped contacting Vienna as well which confused her because they were very close.
Eventually, Vienna also got into F1 when she was about 15 and she’d watch all the races with me.
I had a free work week the same weekend as the Hungarian Grand Prix so I had everything booked and ready so we could attend. I reached out to Rome several times to say it would be nice for him to join us but he never responded. Eventually, I gave up trying and in the end, it was just myself and Vienna.
Well obviously today was Race Day and after the race ended I posted photos of myself and Vienna, and Rome rang me immediately after. He said I was playing favorites and it was unfair that Vienna got to go with him when I knew he was a bigger fan.
I am so lost and confused because I did reach out to him. He said I should’ve contacted him another way after he didn’t reply but I only have one kind of social media and he doesn’t use the one I do.
Even Vienna reached out to ask but still no reply. I feel like he’s right and I should’ve made more effort. He said Vienna getting to go to Hungary was unfair because I only ever took him to England or France for the races and they were ‘boring countries’.
I feel awful now knowing that my son thinks I’m playing favorites.
AITJ for taking Vienna to Hungary and not making more of an effort to contact Rome?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried to contact him, his sister tried to contact him.
It sounds like he’s only upset because you took your daughter instead of going alone or not at all.
He might have assumed it was the thing only you two did together but seeing you do it with your daughter, his sister, upset him. He made the decision to cease contact so you have no reason to feel guilty considering you continued to try even when you weren’t replied to.
He’s 25, a grown man, not a child so he cannot blame anyone but himself.
Did you ask him why he hasn’t responded to your texts or messages? I’d also ask him why he thinks you’re playing favorites considering he’s been to several and his sister has been to only one and why it’s an issue.” PhoenixRosehere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you reached out repeatedly, all he had to do was respond and agree to go. He is plenty old enough to learn actions have consequences. If you ignore people when they try to make plans with you then plans get made without you.
He didn’t even ignore just you, he also ignored his sister reaching out to him about it. Does he expect you to only have a life when he chooses to be a part of it and for you to sit around twiddling your thumbs on a shelf the rest of the time?” Glittering_Mail7068
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister Her Kids Back Or Letting Her Move In?
“My sister (28F) has 2 biological kids (11M, 11F) whom I (31F) have taken care of their whole lives. She got pregnant at 17 and decided to keep them. She underestimated how hard kids were and gave up. Since the second she brought them home my parents and I did all the work apart from feeding.
Which she would often refuse to do as she was tired.
A little after the twins were born we found out that my mum had early-onset Alzheimer’s so I had to take on more responsibility with them.
A year later I graduated from university and basically became the sole caregiver of the twins as I have my own business and can work from home.
A little later I adopted the twins, my sister didn’t fight and signed over rights without saying anything against it. That along with my father’s job generated enough income to live comfortably.
A couple of years later I got married to my partner whom I had been with for a few years, he knew about my kids’ parentage but took them in as his own.
Later we started discussing having kids and after discussing it at length, both together and with the twins, we decided to start trying. My daughter was born when the twins were 8 and they have been wonderful older siblings and she adores them. Even after I got married we still lived with my parents and sister as my mother needed someone to take care of her and my sister refused to help out.
Now we have decided to put Mum into a care home as it has become too much on me and my family. My husband and I decided to finally move out to around 1 hour away due to how expensive houses are near where we used to live.
This has caused some issues with my sister as she has started trying to take my kids (her bio kids). She first asked to move in with us but she has severe anger issues which she refuses to get help for and as much as I love her my kids come first. I will let her visit I’m not having her living with us as she is too unpredictable and while she hasn’t hurt my kids she has lashed out at them.
I am not saying that she can’t see them but I just don’t want her living with us especially as she doesn’t work and really just wants to not have to take care of herself (She lived at the old house but she was rarely home and lived in a converted garage in the garden so we didn’t see her often.).
She is now saying that I have my daughter so I should ‘give her her kids back.’ I told her that they are my kids, not hers. They know she is their bio mother but only see her as their aunt like my bio daughter.
She has started trying to take legal action but since she signed over rights with no residence and no intention to get rights back there is not much she can do. So she has started getting my outer family involved. The majority of my aunts and uncles are on her side saying that I was basically only a babysitter and that they aren’t my actual kids.
I don’t know what to do. AITJ for not giving them to her or letting her move in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. Do what’s best for these children, you are their advocate. There’s nothing she can do, you legally are the parent.
The extended family obviously doesn’t know the truth of the situation. I’m guessing they haven’t been around to see the true situation and are going off what she’s painted out for them. Don’t let them get you down, you’re doing everything right.
Good luck with the move, both with your mother and your family, you sound like a very caring awesome person.” onescaryarmadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You would become the jerk if you relinquished custody to her. She has severe anger issues and has lashed out at the kids.
How long after they became her total responsibility do you think it would be before she starts causing physical harm? And if you think that the ‘lashing out’ hasn’t already caused emotional harm, you’re lying to yourself.
It’s extremely likely that the twins already do not trust her due to the ‘lashing out’ and if you give them to her, they will no longer trust you either.” TorchwoodFour
8. AITJ For Avoiding Doing Business With My Friend?
“I have this group of friends and within it a smaller closer group of friends. Within the extended group is a seamstress. I don’t really know her very well but a few of my close friends do.
My sister’s wedding is coming up and just yesterday at a party, one of my friends asked me how the prep is going.
I was telling her about all the work we have and how I recently got all my clothes and they are currently being fitted in so I want to have a ‘dress trying-on party’ of sorts with my friends (they’re not coming to the wedding because it’s in another city).
Well, the seamstress heard and was immediately very offended. She asked me why I didn’t give her the clothes to alter.
Now, let me make it clear, I DO NOT like her work. She has an Instagram page where she posts her best work and even that is sort of shabby but I’ve spoken to several of our friends who are very dissatisfied with her work.
They’ve complained about things like how she’s unprofessional, charges an insane amount, gives ill-fitting clothes and refuses to change them, and doesn’t deliver on time, etc.
To elaborate on these complaints, she refused to treat my friends like customers and wouldn’t take their input while talking about the dress they wanted, she refused to ‘talk business’ at random times of the day while still remaining active on the group chats because she wants to be a ‘friend, not a worker’, she gave one of my friends her dress so late that the event she needed it for had passed already and so so much more.
Basically, I did not want to do business with her but even more so because these are wedding clothes and I am the sister of the bride so my outfits are also very complicated. (If it matters, I’m South Asian).
I didn’t want to embarrass her or throw any of my friends under the bus though so I just politely told her that I try not to do business with my friends as it might sour relationships.
This apparently was NOT the right thing to say because she flipped out. Calling me a jerk and spoilt and unsupportive and that I should want to give my friends more money than I would give otherwise?! I’m not a pushover and I do not like it when people yell at me, especially when I couldn’t care less about them so I told her that maybe if she was good at her job she wouldn’t have to go around begging her friends.
This argument basically went on for a few more minutes till others stepped in. I wasn’t mad about it nor did I feel bad.
However, this morning I woke up to a message from my brother. He is going out with the seamstress’s sister and obviously was told about this discussion.
He texted me this long message basically saying he was very disappointed in me for how I acted especially knowing how I was putting him in a tough spot now as he had to defend me in front of his significant other and he would rather not get into all this.
His message wasn’t angry, just genuinely hurt and now I feel very bad but at the same time I don’t feel like I need to apologize or do anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people need to tell her she isn’t good and professional but in a better way.
They are doing a disservice to her as she is clearly hurting her relationships. Your brother needs to stay out of it. This isn’t between him, his SO, you, and the friend; it’s just you and the friend. He and his SO are letting themselves be in the middle.
Things like this are exactly why I don’t do business with the locals in my town. If they suck and you complain, you’re the bad one. People outside of the transaction love to jump in the middle. As much as I would love to support local, locals get too gossipy and dramatic, especially in small towns.” No-Chart-3848
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The seamstress has every right to keep boundaries between work and social time (not talking about work in the group chat. (I get that—I’m working from home and if my boss knew he could get work out of me at 7 am on a Sunday he totally would do it.) HOWEVER—
It sounds like this woman has developed a bad reputation for her work and professional standards. I used to own a small business and am now a part-time freelancer. Small business people have a responsibility to provide good service to the communities that support them.
Otherwise, they lose the support.” Amiedeslivres
7. WIBTJ If I Tell The Girl My Brother Is Going Out With To End Things With Him?
“My brother (30) is an incel. The type of incels you see on Redpill. He constantly speaks about how women are only interested in big wallets and have no compassion for men. Last year, he became obsessed with the idea of finding a woman. He uses apps, which doesn’t go very well.
He’s been out with women a few times, but that didn’t work out as he has ridiculous requirements, and complains about everything while offering very little (even in terms of character). He responds to any advice with denial, refusal, and low-key aggression. Especially when I suggest that there’s a problem with his behavior, or that he should get therapy.
In his eyes, it’s all women’s fault.
Around 3 months ago he started talking to a girl. They keep talking and seeing each other every now and then, but not regularly because she lives in a different city and is a busy medical student. It turns out, that I went to middle school with her, and although I only know her from seeing in the corridors, I remember her as a quiet, sensitive girl.
It’s not going the worst, but my brother keeps complaining that it is not reciprocal, she doesn’t text him often or come up with initiatives. He complains she’s boring, too shy, and that she never kissed him. In the meantime, he refuses to ‘break up’, even though I advise him that if he doesn’t feel it, if he feels she’s not interested, he should end it.
And it’s been going on for 3 months now.
Today he told me she’d been diagnosed with lymphoma. He immediately started complaining about his luck, ‘screw the internet,’ and that he wasn’t looking for a girl in a hospice. I immediately rebuked him and told him to show some empathy, because the girl literally has cancer, and all he cares about is his own interest. He obviously doesn’t see a problem, because in his opinion it’s family that should offer support, and not some ‘random dude’ from the internet.
He also said he felt she’d been lying to him because she told him about it so late. I explained that it was sensitive information, which she must have been afraid of sharing with anyone. Obviously, my brother is not listening, he’s only concerned with his own interest and doesn’t see a problem with his behavior.
His life is not my concern. Although I feel sorry for the ladies who go out with him, I believe it’s their choice. This time I feel particularly sorry for this girl, because of the situation she’s in. I don’t know what the situation is between them, it looks like she keeps him at a distance, but she also doesn’t end this relationship.
My brother, for some reason, is definitely not going to end it either, even though he keeps complaining about her.
Should I message this girl and tell her that she should end this thing with my brother because he’s a toxic person and doesn’t respect her?
I’m worried that she would tell my brother about it, and that it would only deepen his incel paranoia, but I feel like in this situation I owe it to this girl, who might end up severely emotionally damaged if she doesn’t end it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please do this girl a favor and warn her about your brother. No one deserves to be blindsided by this sort of thing.
Honestly, you should warn all his future potential partners about who and what he is as early as possible unless you truly believe he has changed as a man.
I would consider putting together a standard package of all his ‘greatest hits’ so you can just send it out as soon as you find out he has a new girl on the hook whose life he will ruin. So long as everything you say is true, you won’t be sabotaging his relationships.
You will be revealing who he actually is, and the girls can make their own determinations from there. It is his behavior that will destroy his own budding romances, not you. If the truth can destroy something, it deserves to be destroyed.” horrifyingthought
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I want you to know that your brother absolutely will not dump her, and that’s a feature, not a bug! If he breaks up with her, he’s the ‘bad guy’ for dumping someone with cancer. If she dumps him, this strengthens the classic incel argument that women are shallow, liars, whatever.
And he will have an excuse for why she sucks for dumping him. Tell her what he’s saying and let her do it sooner rather than later. Your brother’s not an incel, he’s a ‘volcel’ (voluntary, and I swear every incel is actually a volcel).
His relationship woes are the result of choices he makes with his attitude, his behavior, and potentially his physical hygiene/appearance.” Echo-Alexa
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Roommate To Get A Dog?
“My (24F) roommate (24F) wants to get a dog.
She told me this because one of her friends is moving across the country and has to put her 2-year-old dog up for adoption. I’ve met the dog before and she is a sweetheart but untrained. Her owner is the kind of person who talks to her dog like she’s a person but hasn’t actually trained her to follow any commands.
I don’t want the dog and I feel like I have valid reasons but another friend told me I was being kind of a jerk.
I see dogs as a similar commitment to a child. They take a lot of responsibility and attention and I think every dog deserves that.
I have issues with people who get dogs and don’t train them or don’t take them for daily walks. A dog deserves more than going out once a day to do its business in a sad parking lot and only get good walks on the weekends.
I have three reasons why I don’t think this is a good idea. My roommate and I live in a very small apartment in a city apartment complex. It’s honestly not the best environment for a dog during the day. Second I have a very temperamental rescue cat that I’ve had for a few years who does not get along with dogs.
I’m afraid that this will drive him to live under the bed and all around it won’t be a very good life in this apartment for the cat or dog. The third reason is I work from home and my roommate has a long commute, work, then goes to the gym after work so she is typically gone from about 5 am to 7 pm every weekday.
This means that the responsibility of taking the dog out will be mine during the week. This responsibility is part of the reason why I don’t have a dog myself.
My roommate was like, I’ll get pee pads and I said no, what kind of person would I be if I let this poor dog pee on a pee pad when I could just take her out?
The issue is I don’t want that responsibility so I choose to not have a dog.
I feel like a jerk because this dog deserves a good home and as good as my roommate’s intentions are, this is not a good home for a dog.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your concerns are valid. It sounds like if you want the dog to deserve a good home, it would be unfair for it to move to your apartment for those stated reasons. Also, the responsibility would fall to you for 70 hours of the week, of course not including sleep time, even though it’s your friend who wants to take him in.
That’s like a kid who wants a puppy and is told they have to take care of it, and then the parent gets stuck with all of the responsibility while they get the casual fun time.” extrabigcomfycouch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I actually think dogs are more of a responsibility than a child.
A child grows up and can become somewhat self-sufficient until such time as they leave home and you have no more responsibility for them. That never happens with a dog. Once you bring that dog into your house it is as if you have a baby every day for the rest of its life.
If you can’t take that responsibility then you shouldn’t have that dog because dogs absolutely deserve the best treatment and love and care because they will give you that love and care back tenfold.” ashlynne48
5. AITJ For Making Sure My Husband's Sister Is Locked Out Of Our Home?
“My husband (28M) and I (28F) have a 4-year-old son, 4 years married, have almost gotten a divorce because of my SIL (24F).
He was adopted by his aunt, was an only son, and has three biological siblings (1F and 2M) (whom he never really got close to until they were adults).
I don’t get along with both of my in-laws, because I’m poor and his ex is rich.
My main problem isn’t the insulting jokes or the constant disrespect of my boundaries but the frequent UNANNOUNCED STAY-IN VISITS (they won’t even tell me how long they’re going to be staying). It has been taking a toll on my mental health, because of the constant fear they bring me.
One day out of nowhere my SIL went to our house with big bags! I, not wanting to start a fight with my husband, just played it cool, but a week passed and I was getting anxious so I asked my husband when she would leave.
She told me she was staying at our house to work from home and didn’t even consult me! That started the fight, he didn’t care about my feelings so I blocked them on social media, packed my bags, and took my son far away from them.
Fast forward, he realized his mistake and said he kicked his sister out, so we went back. Not even 1 week after coming back, lo and behold the SIL still stayed at our house again unannounced not telling us how long will she stay, didn’t even say sorry for almost ruining our marriage (she stayed and went away with 1 week being the longest, this went on for about 7 months).
She also took MY KEY when we were away. I had enough so I replaced our doorknob and told my husband I did that for my peace of mind. Then my SIL ‘visited’ again, no one was at home, and got locked out for I don’t know how long (for your information, she’s still blocked from contacting me).
She wasn’t happy about that. I hope this will be her last ‘visit’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is. Your SIL did almost ruin your marriage, your husband almost ruined it by not standing up to his sister. Her behavior is simply unacceptable, and if your husband won’t limit how long she stays or how long before arrival she has to let you know she’s coming, then you have to******* up for the rest of your life or get a divorce.
Either way, your husband is a wimp for not standing up for his wife, which makes him a jerk.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Maybe this was acceptable to him before you two got married but I couldn’t imagine how annoyed I would also be if my in-laws just showed up unannounced for extended visits.
Even if he was the sole owner of the home, I would still say NTJ because it’s very important for people to compromise and agree on things in a marriage and I just wouldn’t put up with unannounced extended visits from anyone. They should at least be giving you a heads-up!” User
4. AITJ For Snapping At My Father During Dinner?
“My father is obsessed with image and to strangers looking in he’d have the best life. Successful with beautiful and successful children and a happy marriage.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth, we were all miserable under him.
My sister and I were both slim but extremely skinny and in Asian culture skinny is definitely valued. So he would pit us against each other trying to get us to lose weight so he wouldn’t be shamed for having not perfect daughters.
My sister starved herself to the point she fainted in the middle of exams and had to be rushed to the hospital for low potassium. He was smiling and the perfect father in front of the nurses and as soon as they left was yelling at her not for starving herself but for fainting in the middle of exams and maybe not getting into a good college.
I was diagnosed with anorexia with a binge-purge subtype and began seeing a psychologist when I left college since he would never let me because he didn’t believe in doctors and called them all quacks. But ironically he wanted us to be doctors so he could brag about it.
I started writing about my anorexia recovery on social media which made him mad because now his perfect children weren’t so perfect.
Ironically my brother got pretty fat but my father never yelled at him because in his mind men were supposed to be big and tall and women skinny and short.
My mom was not very big but he yelled at her all the time about how she needed to lose weight. He was also extremely cheap at home but very generous outside the house because he hated the Asian stereotype about being cheap, except he was definitely cheap in secret.
I think he really wanted to be a white American and only his appearance made it clear he wasn’t.
We weren’t allowed to celebrate Chinese New Year or moon cake festival etc and he hated the food my mom would cook because despite it being delicious it was Chinese food because she didn’t know how to make anything different and I seriously think he wanted us to be white.
I stopped talking to my father after college and am now engaged to my fiancé who’s Vietnamese. I went back to see them on Christmas so my mother could meet him before we got married since she refused to travel to my place.
My fiancé knows my relationship with my parents and knows to be wary of my father.
We went for dinner and my father was trying to stuff my fiancé full of food and taking food off my plate which he did when I was a child too to discourage eating. I got so annoyed by this and said to my fiancé loudly ‘Don’t worry.
Despite my father trying to get me to starve myself I’m still eating until I get fat to annoy him’.
My father got so mad he was glaring at me while smiling at my fiancé saying she was crazy and didn’t know what she was talking about.
He looked at my father and said she knows exactly what she’s talking about and so does he. My father was yelling at me as soon as my fiancé was out of earshot and I was pretty happy about the whole thing until my mother started scolding me saying why we couldn’t have a good meal without fighting.”
Another User Comments:
“Going to go with NTJ, despite the fact that you knew the reaction you were going to trigger. Parent-children relationships go through phases, and yours is entering a new one. Specifically, that’s one where you’re becoming established in life with a partner and there’s stuff you might have had to deal with as a child that you’re not going to put up with anymore, such as comments about your weight at dinner.” IDKareyou77
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but I gotta say that everyone sucks here (but still, good for you!).
Mostly because, well, you knew what was going to happen. He hasn’t changed for your entire life, you knew he was going to do this. You knew this so much you warned your fiancé it was going to happen.
And yet you poked the bear anyway.
Yeah, that was a jerk move.
But you know what? He deserved it. He had it coming. I’m sorry for your mother, she’s probably suffering in silence and just trying to keep the peace, but in the end, is expected to side with him and will get it even worse than you did if she doesn’t.
Congratulations on your engagement, just remember that you don’t have to go back and put up with your father unless you want to. And if you do, for the sake of your mother, try to tough it out.
Again, you know he won’t change no matter what you say or do.
He’s from a different generation, a different mindset, and as awful as he can be you just have to accept that’s who he is and you can’t change him.” Edymnion
3. AITJ For Refusing To Change A Kid's Diaper?
“I (20f) work full-time at a daycare with younger preschoolers, a few of whom are still in diapers.
The other day I was at a huge barbecue with some friends from high school and the friends of their parents were also there. I ran into one of my preschoolers and her mom and chatted with her for a little while.
After a few minutes, the mom said that her kid’s diaper was dirty and asked if I could change it. I thought she was joking so I laughed and made a joke back about how ‘I only change diapers when I’m on the clock.’ Her friends that she was sitting with all kind of laughed awkwardly but she looked at me dead serious and said ‘No really, I don’t change diapers.’ I felt really awkward but just said ‘No, sorry’ and went to walk away but then she started explaining to me that her husband is the only one who changes diapers because she’s a germophobe and has emetophobia (fear of throwing up) and she’s only done it a few times when she absolutely had to and she always threw up after which apparently she has a crippling fear of doing.
I felt that regardless of the circumstances, it was inappropriate for her to ask me this so I said no again.
She seemed really shocked by this and continued to explain how much she hates changing diapers and how her husband wasn’t here so he couldn’t help.
I just told her that I don’t like changing them either and I think it’s inappropriate for her to keep pushing this when I have already told her no. She then said ‘It’s devastating to me to learn my daughter’s favorite teacher has so little empathy’ and after that, I just walked away.
A few minutes later I saw her putting the kid in the car and leaving so I assume she went to wherever her husband was to have him do it. I texted my boss to tell her what happened because I was about to go on vacation and I assumed that the mother would say something to her about it.
My boss just told me that I could tell her about it in more detail when I get back and she’d let me know if the mom said anything to her but it seemed like I was in the right in saying no.
I don’t think I’m the jerk in this situation.
I am not her employee and even if I was I still think that’s not something you should ask someone to do outside of work hours. I do not know this mom well at all, we rarely talk at pick up or drop off and she was sitting at a table with her friends who I presume know about her situation and would’ve been better people to ask for help.
I think if she would rather let her kid sit in a dirty diaper for the car ride home instead of changing it herself, she shouldn’t be going places without her husband. The only part of this that makes me feel a little bit like a jerk is the fact that the kid had to sit in their own poop for the car ride home.
I just assumed that once I left she would either ask one of her friends or******* up and do it herself.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, on paper this is a very simple answer, but I understand the guilt that you felt to have the kid sit in their dirty diaper on the way home (who knows how long the car ride was.)
That said, you are by no means obligated to help her out even if she’s a germophobe. If she can’t change the diapers herself, that kid shouldn’t be out of the house without someone who can. Nothing against the mother, but if she really can’t change that diaper (even if no one else can) then maybe she shouldn’t go out with her kid on her own.
Also question, has she ever dropped that child off at school with a dirty diaper? Not that this has anything to do with the story I think, but if she puts other people into these kinds of situations more often, as in going out with her daughter without a third person available to change the diapers, she drops the burden on whoever she’s visiting.
She knows that she has those fears so I really can’t see why she would leave the house with her kid when they’re bound to fill up that diaper and have no way to help her kid out.” Self-Righteous_Sash
Another User Comments:
“Wowwww NTJ.
And this lady has some nerve asking you to change it when her friends are right there. It has nothing to do with ’empathy’ and is 100% her issue to deal with. Like it sucks that she has this inability to deal with poop but it really comes with the territory.
If she had approached you, explained her situation apologetically, and offered you money to do the job that you do WHEN YOU’RE at work then maybe she would not be the jerk either, but even then you would have been within your rights to refuse.” kathryn_sedai
2. AITJ For Trying To Convince My Niece To Like Math?
“My wife (28F) won’t stop talking to me (39M) because yesterday I was ‘way too harsh’ towards my niece (10F) and that I ‘humiliated her’.
For some background info, yesterday we visited my SIL and my niece had a friend over. While my wife was chatting to SIL, my niece introduced me to her friend and tried to start a conversation. I decided to humor her and asked her about school and her favorite subjects, to which she replied ‘All of them except maths’.
Her friend also agreed with her.
Now, I never understood people who disliked math and it just frustrates me when people say that. It’s essentially problem-solving and you’d have to be a complete moron to not be able to use basic logic, which I find easy especially since I consider myself to be more of a logical person.
I asked my niece what she didn’t like about math and she just complained about how it was ‘too hard’ and ‘boring’. I tried my best to explain as nicely as possible that for now, it was just solving basic equations and that math is actually the easiest subject at school.
She didn’t get it.
Friend tried to change the subject but I was still having this conversation with my niece, so I continued. I told her that if she had this mindset of ‘it’s too hard’ then everything else in her life would be and that she wouldn’t grow.
I think this statement upset her because she started to cry. My wife and SIL noticed and they asked what was wrong. I explained what happened and my wife apologized to SIL and niece and then told me that we were leaving. My wife looked angry and when we finally got home she told me that I was ‘cruel’ and needed to ‘apologize’ to my niece.
It’s been a day and she hasn’t talked to me since.
So, AITJ? I still don’t think that I’m in the wrong here as I was only trying to help.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Now, I never understood people who enjoy speaking to other people condescendingly, especially to children, totally unaware that it isn’t just rude, it’s actually really mean.
It just frustrates me when people make 10-year-olds cry. Not being a jerk is so easy. It’s essentially just being polite and kind and you’d have to be a complete moron to not be able to speak to a 10-year-old girl without being so hurtful and arrogant that a child cries.
Use basic empathy, which I find easy especially since I consider myself to be more of an empathetic and kind person.
YTJ. Even just from the whole tone of your story, OP, I can not only tell that you are condescending and arrogant but you also clearly got some sick pleasure from making a child cry.
So much so that your story reads more like a humble brag than a genuine ‘Did I screw up here’ reflection. YTJ.” F3Mad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
When you were in school, learning, was every subject easy? Is it taught the same way to your niece, now, as it was when you were in school?
The answers to those questions are probably ‘No,’ and that’s just for context.
People have different aptitudes in different areas. A person can be exceptionally intelligent and have a great mind for a subject like history, and be utter pants in math, for example.
Anyway, you don’t know what your niece actually struggles with, and you have no right to lecture her because she dislikes maths. You should’ve let the friend change the subject – you basically bullied your niece into feeling bad about herself.” blanksix
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Friends With Our New Neighbor?
“My husband (36m) and I (29f) have lived in our neighborhood for about 5 years. Our house is towards the edge of the complex, and neither of us is very social, so we keep to ourselves. The rest of the people in our area tend to do so as well.
We had someone that moved in down the street maybe a month or so ago. Didn’t really know much about them except I noticed when we drove by that it looked like they had young children and that they had some political signs out in front that indicated we were on pretty much opposite sides of the political spectrum.
Two days ago there was a knock on the door. I opened it because I was expecting a package, and it was a woman about my age. She introduced herself as the new neighbor and started talking a mile a minute. She told me that she had three children, was a stay-at-home mom, was new to the area, and some other stuff that I don’t really remember.
Then she started peppering me with questions and seemed to get more and more disappointed as I answered. She asked if I had children (no), did we plan on having children (no), do I know any of the social activities in the area (no), do I know any local mom groups (confused no), do I ever babysit (hard no).
You get the picture.
She seemed to run out of steam and almost pouted and said it didn’t seem like we did much at all. I laughed and told her that my husband and I preferred things quiet and kept to ourselves, but that the neighborhood seemed to get a bit more busy and social closer to the center of it because there was a school so maybe she could find something more what she was looking for there.
She said she was hoping to get to know her close neighbors and told me to come over for coffee sometime and I could meet her kids and husband. I thanked her politely but was honest and told her it didn’t seem like we had much in common and I couldn’t really see us being friends, but that I was sure she could find a good mom group at the playground towards the center of the neighborhood.
She got visibly angry and asked if my husband was as big of a jerk as I was and I thought for a moment then said yeah. She stomped off. I might have been a jerk because I was direct and didn’t give her much of a chance but I just don’t think we would have mixed well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was such a hilarious read, thank you. You seemed genuinely helpful with telling her where she could find groups more suited to mom-based stuff, and she kept pushing and pushing and not wanting to get the hint. She seems entitled, and not someone I’d want to spend time with, either.” razzlemcwazzle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It is normal to knock on your new neighbors’ doors and have a chat with them, she was trying to find common ground/have a convo which you shut down hard. Could’ve just said ‘Yeah I might do that sometime’ and ended the convo.
Making enemies of your new neighbors is only going to make your life harder. She’s a bigger jerk for asking if your husband was as much of a jerk as you were. But in the end, you both could’ve done this interaction better.” avitar35
