People Worry About Their Flaws In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Crying After My In-Laws Insulted Me At My Husband's Birthday Dinner?
“I (24f) have been with my partner (25m) for 3 years now and it’s been going great, the only problem is his family seems to dislike me a lot but he swears they don’t and that he sees nothing of them acting cruel to me.
How they act cruelly is they will call me fat and ask if I “can even eat that much?” Also always insinuating that I can’t afford anything with jokes made at my expense. We don’t see them often so it’s not that big of an issue for me but they love to celebrate their son’s birthday which I get so we recently saw them.
We had dinner together to celebrate my husband’s birthday at this very nice restaurant that my parents-in-law chose.
Everything was going fine until my husband left for the washroom and my mother-in-law mocked me saying “I bet you could never offer him such nice things like this and such expensive gifts that he wants” I just sat there trying to say something but nothing came out and I started to sob.
My husband came back and asked what was wrong and his parents said that I just started crying and was ruining the night, he asked me what happened and I said that his parents insulted me and that I started to cry after that. When he heard that he was upset and took us home and said he’s sorry he’s been ignoring the things I’ve mentioned.
I thought it was all ok after that and we would just not see his parents a lot but the next morning I woke up with almost 100 messages and 30 missed calls all from his side of the family saying nasty things and taking his parent’s side.
Everyone on his side of the family is saying I need to apologize to his parents for embarrassing them out in public like that and being a jerk about it and not apologizing right away. So I’m wondering if I should just apologize so they all stop bothering me so much and we can move on cause was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk. Your reaction was completely understandable given the cruel comments your in-laws made. It’s not fair for them to insult you and then blame you for having an emotional response. You shouldn’t have to apologize for being treated poorly.
Your partner is now aware of how they act, and it’s good he took your side. It might be best to set boundaries with his family moving forward, but you’re not in the wrong here.” Serendipity_Calling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk.
Your feelings are valid, especially given the cruel and unnecessary comments made by your partner’s family. Understandably, you became emotional in response to their hurtful remarks. It’s not your fault that the situation escalated. Your partner’s family seems to be shifting the blame to you, even though they were the ones who made inappropriate comments.
Apologizing just to keep the peace might seem tempting, but it’s important to stand up for yourself and make it clear that their behavior was unacceptable. Your partner needs to support you in setting boundaries with his family to prevent this from happening again.” Serendipity_Calling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They have no right. NO right! And, honestly, your husband should have taken this much more seriously than he has been, much sooner. This isn’t going to get better unless he starts to set some serious boundaries with his side of the family.
They need to apologize, big time, and if they can’t respect the boundaries he should be putting in place, then you guys shouldn’t see them until they can treat you right. Marriage is a partnership, and it has to come before all other relationships. That is the person you live with all day, every day, the one that is *your* person.
And yes, that does mean that if his family cannot treat his partner with respect, then neither of you should be around them.” Napalm_Springs
26. AITJ For Being Upset At My Brother-In-Law's Marriage Comment In A Group Chat?
“My partner and I have been stressing for a long time because we live in separate countries and us being together is dependent on his work sending him out every year to Sydney and his visa getting approved.
His first visa was not approved for unknown reasons and his second visa was submitted and we all waited with bated breath for it to come through.
It came through while I was sleeping in Sydney, he is in Germany so he sent it into my family’s group chat that he got the visa.
My family who also live in Germany were ecstatic. Everyone except for my sister’s new husband who made a rude remark about how they were hoping the surprise news was that we were getting married.
My partner and I have previously shut down conversations with my brother-in-law about us getting married because we don’t believe in marriage and we don’t want to either.
It’s also very creepy that my brother-in-law was so fixated on the idea of it for us. I’ve known him for all of five conversations and I believe my marriage status is none of his business.
I was very upset about the comments in the group chat and also that nobody in the family called out the comment in any way.
So I messaged my mum and asked her to comment that we don’t need to talk about this in the group chat and I didn’t want to ruin my relationship with my sister. My mum went behind my back and spoke to my sister and my sister called me to apologize, only she didn’t apologize because she didn’t understand why the comments were offensive to me and why I was hurt, instead, she dug in her heels about it and said I overreacted. And now my sister is no longer speaking to me for a comment that her husband made that humiliated me.”
Another User Comments:
“So your partner struggles to get a visa to join you but you are both against marriage which would make that easier? Then you blow up over a harmless comment and call it humiliating? You ask that a comment be taken down in a group chat that everyone has read focussing attention on it and driving a wedge between you and your sister.
Honestly,, I can’t go as far as saying you are the jerk but you have a weird way of looking at things.” notAugustbutordinary
Another User Comments:
“Stop giving your BIL the power over you. You seem easily offended by a comment about getting married. Please explain how it was “rude”?
YTJ if you don’t believe in marriage, then you won’t be offended when someone asks about it, could it be you want to get married but your partner doesn’t?” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: BIL comment was only one level up from commenting about the weather.
He’s very happily married to your sister and wants the same for you and the guy you are with currently. (See, my previous comment was rude, your BIL’s were not). And your mom is not the comment police. You should have commented on the chat, and spoken directly to him or your sister.
Your overreaction is causing the rest of the chat to stay out of it for fear of offending you. Why would you expect them to step up and say anything? You sound very tiresome to be around. Your approach has alienated your sister so you know whatever you are doing is wrong.” houseonpost
25. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiancé Didn't Do The Dishes?
“Where to start? I (20 f) just got back from a work trip that ended in my fiancé (23 m) driving 24 hours to come get me because I was in extreme emotional distress with no other way home. He has been tired from the drive and I have too, especially because I have chronic pain.
Today we were both up and fairly motivated so I asked him if he could help me by doing dishes while I unpacked. He said yes and I thought I heard him doing the dishes so I was happy.
I finished unpacking and went to check on him to find that he had just taken our moldy gross dishes out of the sink and set them to the side.
He proceeded to start on a project and I kept cleaning up a bit. After the room was somewhat clean I asked him to vacuum and he did so.
Afterward, I asked again if he could finish the dishes and he said yes, after a short break.
When he came back from his break he got distracted by his project again. This repeated three times until I just grabbed my knee braces and did the dishes myself. I told him that I don’t appreciate feeling like I have to ask and ask and ask for something to get done, just for me to do it myself.
He said he didn’t want to hear it put a pillow over his face and fell asleep.
I proceeded to clean the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom some more before finally laying down. I get where he’s coming from and that it may have felt like I was nagging him, but we have had this conversation before and every time he says that if there’s ever anything I need him to do that I can’t, he would be willing.
I feel betrayed and hurt but I can’t help but feel like it’s probably not that big of a deal and that I am overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“Moldy? How long has that stuff been in the sink? But really, what’s the rush?
You wanting something done then and there does not make it anyone else’s problem. You’re both adults so both of your opinions are valid and cancel each other out. You want the dishes cleaned and he doesn’t want to clean them, so clean them yourself or let them sit.
YTJ for not understanding that your problems are not your partner’s responsibility to fix.” Material-Night-6125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and insensitive one for not allowing him to rest after driving 24 hours and he had to go to work. Get off your backside and do the dishes yourself.
Your chronic pain is no excuse not to help. I’ve got an array of pain issues but I get up and do my share. If you keep treating him like your slave he’ll leave you and who would blame him.” Ok_Whatever2000
Another User Comments:
“Staying focused on something gross and boring can suck. Doesn’t make you the jerk. I can only clean when I’m in the mood. Things don’t get done by the time others want it done. Maybe get him a podcast to listen to while he cleans or something.” Bjorlamb
24. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Sister-In-Law's Unemployment Anymore?
“My brother Sam is married to Jessica and they have four kids. Sam and Jessica are morons when it comes to money and I’ve often had to bail them out. Money isn’t an issue for me but lately, they’ve been annoying me with constant requests for money.
My thing is that I do not like Jessica. She needs to get a job but always uses their kids as a reason why she can’t. They are out of the house for most of the day and do not need her as a full-time housewife.
She is just lazy. Work has been tight for my brother so both of them are home all day.
I said to myself that if Jessica calls me up for money then I’m going to ask her why can’t she look for a job herself.
Sure enough, she asked me for $700 for a car repair. I asked her why she wasn’t looking for work. Predictably, she said they have four boys between the ages of 7 and 15 and she needs to be home. I said but Chris is home too. She said he needed to get a job.
I said at least he’s looking for work. You’re just doing nothing all day and running to me to “borrow” money that you could have already earned if you got a job yourself. There’s no excuse. Your kids do not need 2 SAHP. They don’t even need one.
Most families do not have SAHP and do just fine.
She said she was offended and I said I couldn’t care less. You’re using me to fund your SAHM grift. Plenty of parents work and have done so for generations. I’m offended that you’re asking me for money because you won’t get a job.
Of course, my brother called me up and said that Jessica was crying and I should apologize. I said she and you can kiss me behind. I will not help you out so your wife can sit on social media and sleep all day. Personally, both of your lives would be so much happier if you two divorced.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like you reached your boiling point with them and they kept their hands on the oven. I think it’s fine to put these leeches in their place. Hopefully, it’s the wake-up call they needed. Those poor kids… If they can’t afford their lifestyle they need to make a change.
They cannot be relying on others for money that we all know is never going to be paid back.” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/ESH I wouldn’t be telling them that they’re lazy or they need a divorce, it would be better to stick to encouraging them to find work if you’re going to answer those calls.
I would just step back completely. Stop answering the calls. Stop being available to them until they change their situation. You’ve already been blunt with them, perhaps too blunt – but that’s valid.” sciencelover12345
Another User Comments:
“Your approach might not have been great but the boundaries need to be set.
Maybe you could have mentioned to your brother first that your help would be coming to an end, somehow speaking to him about how you feel. If she kept hitting you up after that, hit her with some truth. I might be wrong, it was a jerk moment, but not a complete jerk.” Necessary-Bad-6648
23. AITJ For How I Handled A Conversation With A Woman On An App?
“I (30s M) am trying to get back out there after a brutal heartbreak. My partner (30s F) met someone new (30s M) and they’re going on a road trip this weekend. I decided to occupy my time doing as many things as possible to distract from how hurt and devastated I felt.
After months of no luck on the apps, I finally got a match and she (30s F) was actually responsive and made actual conversation.
We went back and forth for a few days getting to know each other and I invited her out for a coffee date.
She said she’s been sick so she wants to rest this weekend to recover. I said, “I can respect that, the offer still stands if you’re feeling better by then”. She then mentioned she’d love to do one of those raunchy cult classic bad movie showings sometime.
After another day or two, she asked what I do for work and I told her “[such and such occupation] but it’s not my passion. I used to do [xyz] until recent industry-wide layoffs”. I asked about her career and she said “I’m a math tutor, and I love doing it”.
The next day, I realized I never responded to the comment about the movie screening and said “I’d be happy to plan something out in the future. And I know you said you’d like to rest from being sick but if you’re feeling any better this Friday, would you like to go out for a drink?
Also, it’s cool that you found a job that you enjoy doing and feel passionate about”
A few hours later I checked the app and saw that she unmatched and blocked me.
At this point, I’m feeling dumbfounded and confused about this interaction with a potential new woman to go out with, on top of the heartbreak and pain from this separation.
Did I say anything wrong? Am I the jerk in how I talked to a woman from an app?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you asked her about this weekend too much, but it doesn’t make you a jerk. You asked once, she said no. You reiterated that if she feels better it’s an open invite.
Okay, great, but she already said no. Then you asked a second (third?) time. She probably got annoyed. It’s not a big deal, but it can be kind of exhausting as a woman to say no and not have men hear you.” hhhhhhd5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m always of the mind that if someone can’t meet an offer of a face-to-face date due to XYZ reason, then it’s on them to follow up with an alternative such as offering to organize something else when they are feeling better. After she let you know she was unwell, then I would have put it back on her to let you know when she is well and keen to catch up.
Just wait for them to get back to you. If they’re intentional about relationships, they will follow through. If they don’t, then don’t message them. This has happened to me, too, and I’m a woman who is into women. You did nothing wrong.” Right_Meow_88
22. AITJ For Posting About My Forgotten Birthday On Social Media?
“I (28M) recently made a post late at night about my birthday. I haven’t received anything for the last couple of years and this year only about 4-5 people remembered, and said something about it throughout the day, including family.
I always try to go out of my way, even if I can’t afford to give anything, to at least say something – even if delayed. And also have explained that I think birthdays are important special days. Amongst my siblings, my birthday is the latest and has been forgotten by my parents in the past. Often when they chose to group the celebrations.
Especially ever since my 11th birthday, when my grandparents chose to have my grandpa’s funeral on the same day. So it ended up being the day of remembering his death, even though it was more than a week prior.
I understand people are busy, and especially in the fall dates can get confusing.
So I ended up making a post late in the night about it being my birthday, which I have never done in the past. To which a friend, who I’ve known for many years, ended up calling and saying “Oh I completely forgot! Happy Birthday.
Not gonna lie though, kind of cringe to post about it though” to which I replied, “You forgetting is kinda the point. I just got tired of people forgetting”. He then replied “But it’s not that important tho” to which I just broke down and just hung up the phone.
The following morning I got a text saying “Wow, way to try and guilt trip people.”
Am I in the wrong for making posting about it in the first place? It’s since been taken down, but I feel like I might have hurt people for not remembering but at the same time I feel hurt for being made to feel unimportant.
Especially when people ask me for help/favors a lot of the time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your birthday!! You should enjoy it! That person is not your friend, they don’t care. I love my friends and I love making their birthdays special. I also know what it’s like to have bad birthdays, I think you are justified. The first comment saying it’s ‘cringe’ is not the most awful thing ever but the second thing he said sealed the deal, he’s a jerk.
Happy birthday by the way.” Hedgehog_Lover_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ People post about their birthday all the time. Social media reminds you of your friend’s birthday. Some people simply don’t remember other people’s birthdays. I had an aunt who was one of those people.
I didn’t love her any less and I didn’t think she loved me any less. At 54 years old, I appreciate when it’s acknowledged but don’t lose any sleep when it isn’t.” Puddin370
Another User Comments:
“If the post bothers them they can ignore it, it’s not like Instagram sends a list of people who saw it to you so you know who decided not to wish you a happy birthday.
It ain’t a guilt trip, they said something mean and got uncomfortable because you got hurt and it made them realize how much of a jerk they were. It’s like punching someone and then getting mad that they got a bruise. Happy Birthday, Op! Very much NTJ.” Evanrai
21. AITJ For Asking My Fiancé's Sister To Pay Her Phone Bill?
“Some background: my fiancé (M30, let’s call him Dan) took in his younger sister (M22, let’s call her Anna) who lived with him from when she was 18-21. Anna used to live with their dad but he’s a heavy drinker jerk so Dan let her live with him.
I moved in with them a year later and after a couple of years, Dan and I moved out to our place because we wanted to live just the two of us, in a better area, and also my fiancé acted as a father to his sister and needed some distance.
Anna moved back into their mom’s house as we thought it’d be better and cheaper for her especially.
Fast forward to now, Dan and I have lived in our new place for a year and love it. And Anna seems to be doing well living with their mom.
However, Dan put his sister on his phone plan when she moved in with him since she didn’t want to be on their dad’s plan and she has essentially stopped paying my fiancé back. We checked within the last year and she owes him $600 and has never communicated with us that she couldn’t pay it.
She has a job and minimal bills. My fiancé hasn’t been pushy for her to pay because he feels guilty for “kicking her out” and moving. I recently joined my fiancé’s phone plan and found all this out. I told him I was concerned about her not paying and didn’t understand why he didn’t ask her to pay.
I get frustrated because she often makes him pay for things or doesn’t pay him back after he asks her to. We are getting married soon and $600 isn’t a small amount to me.
My fiancé thinks I’m the jerk for wanting her to pay her part of the phone bill because she’s gone through a lot but I think she should, especially because I know she goes on trips with friends, buys a lot of booze, and has the money to do so.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I see you think it’s fine for you to be on Dan’s phone plan but not Lil sis. She owes him $600 total, not per month. This is his relationship and his money and you knew about the quasi-father role he played when you started seeing him.
If he doesn’t have a problem with it, you shouldn’t butt in and create one.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to control his finances just because he is okay extending this financial help to his sister. Whether his sister wants it, needs it, deserves it, or not – does not matter.
It’s a matter between siblings and you should not butt in as long as your fiancé is being responsible for his bills and personal finances as well as your joint-couple finances.” Thaparyahapar
Another User Comments:
“He can’t keep providing indiscriminately for his sister now that he is planning on getting married. But if he’s too soft to ask his sister to pay any of her bills, then you know what to expect during your life together.
Soft YTJ as this is his problem for now, not yours. You are not paying the bill as such, just paying him back your share of it. Leave his sister alone. But do sit down and talk about budgets before you even think about getting married and be prepared to budget around his need to keep financing his sister’s life.
You can hope that his sister will eventually stop wanting help from her brother but she might also just assume that she can keep expecting him to pay. LOL” hadMcDofordinner
20. AITJ For Dreading My Step-Dad's Potential Day Job Shift?
“To start there is a possibility of my stepdad (37M) getting a new (arguably better) job than his current one.
His job at the moment is at night so he is never at home. And to be honest, even when he is at home (when he’s off work, on the weekend, and when he recently had jury duty) he is always either: asleep, in the study, playing paintball, or at the pub.
So he never helps out with anything and it’s always left to my mum (39F) and me (16F). But despite that, he always has something to say about how things are done and constantly nitpicking at everything and everyone, even when he’s not involved, which leads to a lot of arguments (mainly between him and my mum).
Just to clarify I also have a half sister but she is only 5 years old and the new job would be in the day so he would be at home a lot more.
Now the “problem” starts with the fact that I think that even if he gets this new job nothing is going to change with him and his attitude towards everything.
From my own experience when my stepdad is at home is that honestly it’s completely tiring, no one ever does “anything right” and it feels like I’m always having to walk on eggshells. But I haven’t voiced this opinion to anyone as I don’t want to cause an argument or anything.
However I don’t think I can keep stalling my mum when she asks how I feel about the possibility of the new job (she has already asked quite a few times) and I’m kind of considering just telling her, I worry though because she is quite excited at the fact that he might be able to be at home more and I don’t want to warp that in any way.
I’ve also held off saying anything as it doesn’t matter what I think in the situation as it won’t affect whether he gets the job or not.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d just say you don’t care either way. But as someone who has worked nights in my life, I can say many of us are completely different people when we have day shifts.
On nights he’s always exhausted and missing the lives of his kids. He may keep being a jerk after the switch, but there is also a good possibility that he’ll be a whole new person when he gets to live in the daylight. No jerks here.” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – your opinion doesn’t have any impact on whether your stepdad gets a new job or not. Your mom may just want someone to share her enthusiasm, but since you don’t agree with her, your best bet is to just say that you’d be happy for him since it sounds like a better job.
You’re not doing yourself any favors by telling her what you think.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like if mom is asking you over and over she is already concerned herself. Really if you don’t already talk about how he treats you all, then you need to talk to a school counselor or find counseling.
If your father is available talk to him or your grandparents. It’s not your circus, not your monkeys you can only keep yourself safe.” MrsNobodyspecial67
19. AITJ For Telling My Son To Accept His Ex-Partner's Presence In Our Lives?
“I (44F) have a son (22M) who was in a relationship with “Sarah” (21F) for about six months.
Sarah has been part of our lives for ages—she’s been my daughter’s best friend since kindergarten. So, when my son and Sarah started being together in high school, my husband and I were not exactly thrilled. We knew how close she was with our family, and we warned my son from the beginning that if things didn’t work out, Sarah wouldn’t just disappear from our lives.
But, of course, he didn’t listen.
She ended the relationship with him in the spring and claimed it wasn’t working out. Since the break, Sarah has stayed close with my daughter and continues to be around. She’s like a second daughter to us.
I am not banning her from the home or events that she has always been invited to.
The problem is, that my son can’t seem to handle it. Every time Sarah is around, he gets angry and usually storms off.
Yesterday Sara stopped over to pick up my daughter.
They both commute to college since we live near a city. My son did not react well and yelled at her to get out of his home. His sister got into a huge fight with him. He claims that his sister was betraying him for being friends with her.
I stepped in and reminded him that we warned him when they first started being together—Sarah was never going to disappear from our lives just because they broke up. She’s been part of the family for years, and that’s not going to change.
I told him he needed to grow up and get over it. He can’t expect the whole family to cut off Sarah because they aren’t together anymore. It’s not fair to Sarah or the rest of us. He got upset, left early, and hasn’t spoken to me since.
My husband thinks I might have been too harsh, but I feel like my son needs to accept the reality of the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think there should be a case where you cut Sarah out of your lives. If she was unfaithful to your son.
But since she wasn’t and this was just a normal break up, then your son should realize that it’s selfish of him to want his sister to end a friendship for his benefit. There was no betrayal.” VegetaArcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is your daughter’s friend, you warned him of the consequences this could have.
So unless you left out critical information like she was unfaithful to him or was abusive or something like that then NTJ. It sucks, it’ll hurt, but honestly, they had a relationship for six months. That’s not long enough for him to be throwing a fit about it.” Default_Munchkin
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like there is more to the ‘breakup’ than has been shared. Usually, people don’t blow up over a simple break-up. Have you sat down with him, asked him why he is so vehemently against her and then listened to the response?
I guess that there was a lot more to it like unfaithfulness for instance. I don’t know for sure, but it sounds like that to me. Maybe tell him you want to know where the anger is coming from, that if he can explain to you why he is so mad at her you might be able to help.” Interesting-End3676
That is ur house and u welcome her. He has no right to try and kick her out. The way u handled it was fine. He needs to do exactly what u told him to do - grow up.
18. AITJ For Calling My Grandmother Sexist Over A Pink Binder?
“Essentially, in early August, I (16F) went back to school shopping with my grandmother for myself and my younger brother (9M)
I was put in charge of getting his stuff to start, since I had the list, and she had to return something she ordered online.
Now, my brother’s favorite color is lavender, and I found a binder that was the size of what he needed in that color.
(It was more pink, but I knew that he would like it.)
I put it into the cart and my grandmother returns and stares at it, before saying something about it being ‘pink’ and for a boy.
I called her sexist and shut down her complaints about him being bullied, because I would rather get him something he likes than worry about the kids in his class (his friends) bullying him.
Her main points were that kids are cruel, and that he’s a boy and people will tease him for that.
I had to mention that he’s told me he’s popular and friends with his class, and up to now there’s been no issue.
Except one.
I have an uncle who lives out of state, unlike the rest of this side of my family. And he tends to gossip with my grandmother. (They tend to talk negatively about my uncle’s family and my mom’s family — me and my siblings.)
I heard recently from my cousin that my uncle has been up in her face about this because of my grandmother telling him this, telling her that I’m a jerk for standing up for her when she was looking out for my brother and that I shouldn’t have gotten him a pink binder.
And now I’m starting to feel bad because this spread to other members of my family when I didn’t mean for it to.
So, AITJ for calling my grandmother sexist?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my son is also 9, pink is one of his favorite colors and he got himself a pink and baby blue unicorn/kitten backpack for school this year.
Do I care? No. Does his mom care? No. We live in a different age from when we grew up, and it’s no longer acceptable for kids to bully the way they used to, so kids are justifiably able to just be themselves and enjoy what they like now.
And honestly, I’m here for it. I’m just here to raise good humans. A bag isn’t going to change that… now if it was bright red with a disturbing symbol on it. That’s a different conversation altogether.” bisforbnaynay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were standing up for your brother and prioritizing his happiness over outdated gender norms. Your grandmother may have meant well, but dismissing his preferences based on color stereotypes is problematic.
You did the right thing by getting him something he likes, and kids today are often more accepting of these things. Unfortunately, it spread to other family members, but you weren’t wrong for calling out behavior that felt unfair.” BrunetteAlice
17. AITJ For Being Upset About My Parents' Financial Favoritism Towards My Twin Brother?
“I have a twin brother (we are both 26) and I feel angry and disappointed my parents gave him a lot of money and help while asking for money from me.
After high school, I studied computer science and got a good job in my field, which is paying pretty well.
My brother studied arts and after almost 2 years of not being able to find a job in the field, my father paid 10k for my brother to get a new qualification in a different field and helped him get hired by a family friend. My brother was supposed to pay back the 10k from his salary, but my parents decided to forget about it.
When I wanted to get a master’s degree, my parents discouraged me because it was too expensive (25k), but they asked me to give them the 25k so they could sell their apartment and buy a nicer one with all the money. I refused and they didn’t miss any opportunity to make me feel guilty about this.
This year I finally managed to get an appointment after I saved up for years for the down payment. I’ll have to repay the loan for the next 30 years and my parents didn’t contribute anything. They said they would help me to pay it faster, but they never have any money left at the end of the month.
Which is fine, it’s my responsibility.
But now, my brother wants to buy an apartment and my parents offered to take a loan to help him with the down payment and furnishing the place.
AITJ for feeling like this is unfair and being angry with them.
I know it’s their money and they can do whatever, but they have 2 children. Last month my father asked me for 5k because he “didn’t have any other option”, but when my brother needs money, he can magically take a loan.”
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately your parents have made it excruciatingly clear that he’s the favorite.
I’m so sorry because that’s hard to deal with when it’s rubbed in your face repeatedly. Now, don’t feel guilty about squatting. Your golden child brother will just have to figure something else out. Meanwhile, your parents should be embarrassed with themselves. NTJ.” StrangelyEnuf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your feelings are valid. Step 2: stop giving your parents money! You know exactly where it’s going so why would you enable them? Tell them your feelings. If they don’t listen then go low contact or even cut off contact. This is blatant favoritism and I know it sucks.” Aromatic-Arugula-896.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But just stay out of that whole mess. Do not lend any of them money! If they want to help your twin, that is their business and is not any of your responsibility. You are an adult and independent. Continue to invest in your own life and know that you are doing the right thing.” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are 26 years old with many examples of their jerkiness! It’s time for you to put an end to them using you and showing complete disrespect. Go very low contact with them. I bet they only call to ask for money anyway.
So sorry you have to go through this. You will make a great husband someday and I’m sure you already have great friends. Live that wonderful life you’ve made for yourself.” Recent_Nebula_9772
16. AITJ For Not Returning The Dog To The Previous Owner's Family?
“Around 1 month ago, I bought a dog from Gumtree. When we first saw the dog, it was not desexed despite being 2.5 years old and it looked like it wasn’t groomed for at least 6 months.
This was most likely because the previous owner was too busy, from what I was told. Despite this, the personality of the dog drew me and my family in, wanting to get this dog.
Just a few days ago, we got a message from an anonymous number stating they were the relative of the owner and they would like the dog back due to their grandparent’s condition deteriorating and the dog was what bought them happiness.
I have yet to receive any message from the owner on this situation but what the relative told me was that without the dog, the grandparents aren’t in a constant sad state and would not eat. I showed my friends this message and they pointed out that the messages looked like they were generated from chatGPT however, I can neither confirm this is true or not.
My family has grown attached to the dog and helped him transition to a new environment, even when the dog got desexed and the dog seems to be happy and highly active. I replied to the anonymous number sympathetically stating that we are sorry to hear about their grandparents’ condition, however, we do not plan to return the dog.
They responded with a long message basically stating that without the dog, their grandparents’ condition will only get worse and the only way to fix it is to have the dog back. I have yet to respond but WIBTJ for not returning the dog?
Also, I would like to add that the dog is registered under me and no longer the previous owner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you got a sketchy, unverifiable message from a random person. There’s nothing to do here. Even if they are real and telling the truth (which is also something they cannot prove), they are not the original owner and have no standing, nor can anyone make the claim that having the dog back would magically fix their grandparent – that’s just guesses and wishful thinking.
Maybe they are the grandkid, but even so, unless a verified owner shows up and wants to fight you in the legal system, this dog is yours and you have no obligation to listen to sketchy strangers. Don’t trust them, block them and move on.” TrainingDearest
15. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Redecorated Without My Consent?
“My partner and I have lived together for 2 years.
I spent the weekend away in a different city to where we live and was originally due to arrive home on Sunday night. However, my partner had a death in the family recently, so we had arranged for me to meet at her parent’s house instead.
We would need to spend the night there as it was a few hours drive from our house. We both drove separately in our own cars for this reason.
After the funeral, we headed home in our own cars. My partner told me that if I got home first, I shouldn’t go into the living room as she had a surprise for me.
When we both went into the living room together, I saw that she had changed the color scheme of our living room. We had originally decorated it so that the main furniture was neutral so that we could change the accessories in the future, if we changed our minds (like cushion covers etc).
She had changed all the accessories and theme as a surprise.
I personally am not great with change, so I have some self-awareness that I could be overreacting but need an outsider’s opinion. I’m also hyper-aware that we had just been to a funeral so emotions are high as well.
I didn’t react how she wanted to, in fact, I was actually quite upset that she did this without talking to me first. She said that she paid for all the cushions etc out of her own money and not our joint account, so it shouldn’t matter?
I couldn’t really discuss in detail why I was upset because I felt like I was being an ungrateful jerk and it really hurt to see her sad. It also wasn’t a great time to argue about decor after being at a funeral.
So… AITJ for being upset that my partner changed the decor without discussing it with me first?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Pillows and little decorations, and you’re acting like she smeared mud on your walls. Please take a deep breath and be grateful you have a partner willing to try to be nice to you even if the end result is inconvenient.
And I cannot stress this enough – THIS WHOLE THING IS JUST AN INCONVENIENCE FOR YOU OP. I mean people are reacting like she hit you or something ya’ll are UNHINGED.” no___underscores
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand you don’t like change but your reaction was extreme.
It’s some accessories and couch cushion covers, things that can be easily changed. You and several commenters are making it seem like she painted the whole house and bought new furniture. If you’re this uptight about something as simple as some cushion cover and pillows/other accessories you sound exhausting.
I’m sorry but do commenters really get their partner’s full input anytime they make a minor change. “Oh I want to buy this blanket but I better get permission first”, “I really like that candle but hold on let me ask the boss first”.
She made a minor change which can be changed back easily and quickly and you chewed her out in a super emotional time for her. To those commenting it must be exhausting to ask for permission over any minor change in your own home.” Top_Detective9184
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ. I would have gone No jerks here if the death was in your family, but it wasn’t. She was the one who lost a loved one. This was something fun and positive for her during that time, possibly a way to cope with her grief (especially as she was alone at the time).
Ordinarily, sure, this should have been a joint decision as it is a shared space. In this case, I do think that you should have tried being more supportive given her situation.” Impossible_Rain_4727
14. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday Alone Before Moving In With My Partner?
“My birthday is tomorrow but I also share it with my partner’s grandmother.
Tomorrow they’re having a party for her but said they will get a cake for me as well, but I just wanted to be able to celebrate my birthday on my own because I never really got to and as an adult I try to make my birthdays special.
I don’t want my partner to miss his grandmother’s birthday and I want to be there too so I decided on celebrating today, I just wanted to do dinner and something with my friends and partner included afterwards but my friends all canceled on me so it would just be me and my partner.
Then I’d be sleeping at his house afterwards.
Last night he asked if he could go out for his friends birthday tonight, someone he isn’t very close with, and I said I thought we were doing something for my birthday. He said we were and that he wouldn’t be going out til later and after 11.
I reminded him that I was supposed to sleep over and he said I still could, but I said I didn’t want to sleep over just to be by myself all night.
It isn’t like a huge argument or anything, but I can tell he has been a bit annoyed by me and he joked that his friends are insisting I’m being a bit of a jerk considering I’m moving in with him in a couple of weeks and will have “endless sleepovers”, and can sacrifice one night.
I just feel like he wouldn’t have told me that comment if he didn’t believe it himself. And I just would like to celebrate my birthday tonight too and not be alone going into my birthday when I can’t celebrate it tomorrow.
I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant so going out with them isn’t an option.”
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ and everybody that says so are jerks. You are 30 weeks pregnant and nobody, Even your partner, is making you a priority?!? What is up with that?
Grandmother is prioritized, but you can have a cake ? Will you get presents and attention? Does not sound like it. All your friends cancelled on you, what kind of friends is this. And then your partner prioritize others again over you. Does he Even care?” DisastrousMachine568
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re missing the bigger picture, he has a kid on the way and still wants to party. You’re on the two-month count down of being miserable and you’re putting his grandmother’s birthday before your own birthday.
Your friends let you down and he wants to dump you with his folks while he goes out. You need to have a talk with him about your needs and feelings. Stop acting like your needs don’t matter, and let him know that he needs to be a partner in supporting you and raising a child together.
You need to get it through to him or I’m not sure this relationship will survive parenting.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sharing a birthday sucks, you decided not to take center stage at his grandmothers celebration. He has been out enough over the last few weeks, he can’t give you one day that’s just for you while you carry his child.
Having a meal and time together on birthday without worrying about it the risk of a babysitter cancelling one last time is not too much to ask for. I wish you luck in the rest of your pregnancy and hope it’s not too uncomfortable!” lwrightleeds
13. AITJ For Sticking Up For Myself After Being Disrespected In My Home?
“I am a 20-year-old female. My husband is 22. My husband’s best friend’s, best friend is a female, mid 20s, who we can call Sarah.
I have met Sarah once. When we met, she seemed cool and I thought we could get along. Later on, my husband noticed they were talking and pointing in our direction. When my husband confronted them, they said I was being immature at the bar when all I did was dance and sit down with bottled water.
The other night, we had a little get-together, me, my husband, my husband’s best friend, and his people, including Sarah. The night started well. We then sat in the living room and Sarah and the best friend were talking. Everyone was listening in. When my best friend said something I didn’t agree with, I vocalized that I didn’t agree.
Sarah then proceeded to turn to me and say “Can you please not get in this conversation”. She then proceeded to let everyone else except me have input. I found it highly offensive and disrespectful to talk to the homeowner like that when you barely know them.
I talked to my husband the next day and told him how I felt. We both agreed I should communicate my issue with her and resolve the problem. I typed up a paragraph stating how I felt as respectful as I could.
She responded by telling me that she didn’t want someone in the conversation who was making dumb comments, that the conversation was private, and that she would not apologize.
She then proceeded to tell me to lose her number and never talk to her again.
My husband then texts his best friend’s fiance and we send the messages to them to try and resolve the issue with them. They got very defensive over Sarah and said she was valid in her feelings.
After almost an hour, everyone agreed that when Sarah is around we won’t be.
All of my husband’s friends backed her up and said I was the problem through this, which I don’t see.
So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has some kind of issue with you, maybe she’s just the kind of person that can meet someone for the first time and start hating them because of her “feelings”.
There is no need to try to talk to her with reason as she will never admit her faults. As long as your husband sides with you, I’d say disregard these guys. Also, honestly, do you go to bars to judge people or have a good time?” DankMemeTeacher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your husband’s “best friends” are making him choose between you or them over some petty nonsense. Not a group I’d consider good friends. Sarah probably had a crush on your husband.” SqueekyOwl
12. AITJ For Refusing To Use A Bit On My Mule?
“I (17F) have a 19-year-old mule named Hare who stands at 18 hands and weighs around 1400 pounds.
I’ve had him since I was 9, and we’ve been through a lot together. He’s always been gentle and calm, and I’ve trained him using positive reinforcement. Hare is incredibly well-trained and has always been ridden with just a neck rope.
Recently, my older sister (29F) came to visit with her two young sons, who are 5 and 7 for a few weeks.
They’re new to riding, and while my sister doesn’t know much about equines, she has expressed concern about Hare. She’s worried that Hare might hurt her son because he’s so large and strong. She insisted that we use a bit on him while the boys are riding, arguing that it would give them more control and make her feel safer.
I’ve always felt that a bit isn’t necessary for Hare. He’s been ridden without one for years, and using just a neck rope has always worked well for us. Hare is very responsive to the neck rope, and he’s never given me any trouble. I’m concerned that using a bit might be harmful or uncomfortable for him, especially since he’s used to being ridden without one.
My sister fears that Hare might act out and potentially hurt her sons, even though they’ve ridden him perfectly fine with just the neck rope. I understand her concerns, but I genuinely believe that a bit isn’t needed in this situation. I also worry that the kids might yank or pull on the bit, which could hurt Hare or make him uncomfortable.
I tried to explain my point of view to my sister, but she’s adamant that the bit is necessary for safety. I’ve tried to assure her that Hare is gentle and well-trained, but she’s not convinced. The situation has led to a lot of tension between us.
My sister feels that I’m being unreasonable and selfish, while I feel that she’s not respecting my knowledge of my mule and his needs.”
Another User Comments:
“My sister used a hackamore to train her three horses and they all handled fine. It was how I learned to ride.
They would take bits but fuss the whole time. My biggest issue is you described a big one and didn’t provide pictures! In the old barn, my sister shared the owner-bred mammoth jacks for mules. Beautiful and huge!” peachesfordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I trust that you know what is best for your animal and both his and any rider’s safety.
If you think using a bit may be counterproductive or dangerous in any way, then you have every right to say no. If your sister isn’t comfortable with her children riding without a bit, then they don’t ride your mule and find another more suitable animal.” Crysis
Another User Comments:
“A bit would not magically make a large, ultimately unpredictable animal “safe.” Sounds like your sis doesn’t know anything about horses(/mules), and I think I would be revoking privileges, because who knows what else she’s told her kids or will allow them to do to your animals.
Plus if they get so much as a foot stepped on it sounds like she’ll make drama. NTJ. You already know that.” curious-trex
11. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Mom Going Out With My Former Teacher?
“So, recently my (F24) mom (F51) started seeing one of her colleagues.
This shouldn’t be something that bothers me, she divorced my dad 5 years ago and has been single since then.
The thing is; her colleague used to be my biology teacher when I was in middle school and high school, and I hated him. You see, I used to be a really good student, never had to study a lot to get good grades being my normal grades were between 8 – 9 (in my country grades go between 1 to 10 with being 10 the highest and 6 being the minimum for passing) but the first year I had him as a teacher I hated it, all the tests I had that year were 5 or 4, just enough to not pass and having to do make-up tests, which in his class was an oral exam.
Every time I had to do the make-up test I would pass on at first try with a 9 or even with 10 without studying too much.
Fast forward to 2021, the previous year my sister (same school) lacked so much in her grades she almost did not pass the year, so to prevent it from happening again my mom went and got the numbers for all her teachers, including the biology teacher.
At some point in the school year, my sister slipped into his class about my parent’s divorce. Lo and behold, he had a crush on my mom so he started talking to her outside working hours and so. At first, my mom was adamant about it because the divorce messed her up but last month she told us she is seeing someone, and yes it’s him.
Would I be a jerk if I told her I was uncomfortable with it? I don’t want to hold a grudge with an old teacher but it made me hate biology and I feel it was only directed to me somehow?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be a jerk if you expect your mom to nix this man because of your experience with passing his class when you were young; if you just want her to know your personal history in his class, then you’re not a jerk as that is just sharing what happened and how you still do not like biology and are not eager to see him again.
It doesn’t appear that the teacher did anything untoward towards you for you to carry this grudge or whatever it is (embarrassment?) into adulthood. If this man is of good character and makes your mom happy, be happy for her and do your best to leave the past in the past. Give him a chance.
Who knows, as an adult, you might find you like him.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“You would be a jerk. Just forget the past and move on. Grades don’t matter in life but people do. If he’s nice to your mom that’s all that matters.
Telling this to your mom might just seed some negativity between you two or between your mom and him. It’s not like he did something serious to you. I repeat ‘grades are useless.'” Plane-Isopod-7361
Another User Comments:
“If the class was English, you deserved less than 4 or 5.
You’re a jerk. It sounds like you’re not good at whatever he was teaching and you’re embarrassed that he knows it. But whatever; no one is good at everything. If your mom is happy, simply be happy for her and move on.” lunaintheskye
10. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Partner His Sensitivity Is Abnormal?
“So my(20F) partner(24M) is not very *emotionally strong.* And I know every person is different but it is on a whole new level with him. He lets even the smallest inconvenience completely derail his life. Here’s an example:
When we were in uni together and he was a senior, there was a rumor going around just before the start of the year that the university was going to revoke the dormitory rights of the seniors, forcing them to live off-campus.
Naturally, every person would be very upset at this news, but he lost all of his composure. First, he cried, then he tried to break up with me (we had been seeing each other for 9 months at this point) after that he had a rage episode and finally refused to talk to me for **days.** And this was over a ***false*** rumor.
And it’s not even just this. A few months ago there was a mix-up in his kidney function results. We went to 3 medical professors and they all said he was completely fine but even after hearing that he would not calm down. He went from a guy obsessed with a healthy diet, a good social life, and a love for working out to someone who eats junk food all day inside his room just playing video games, saying he was as good as dead.
It’s obvious that he has some form of a mental illness but whenever I try to even hint at it he gets super defensive. I have been begging him to get evaluated for a year and he has refused **every time**. I know I should be supportive but at this point, it doesn’t even feel like a relationship anymore.
I get no support from him, we don’t “share the load” at all. Instead, I have to deal with all of his problems alone on top of mine. It’s hard to not feel like his caretaker or mother.
I don’t want to break up with him, I love him, I just want him to get better.
But he has refused every single form of help I’ve tried to get him. He doesn’t think there’s anything abnormal about his behavior and I just need a way to help him realize there is so he’ll actually accept help.
Would I be the jerk if I just straight up told him that he is way too sensitive and his behavior is not normal?”
Another User Comments:
“I would stay away from phrases like “you’re too sensitive,” but focus more on how his reactions make you feel. Tell him you feel unsupported in the relationship, that it feels one-sided, etc. Even saying that you don’t see a future for the relationship unless he seeks out therapy to work some things out would be okay.
I would just avoid the “too sensitive” label. You’re 20 years old. Ask yourself why you are staying in this relationship and if you truly see a future in it.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here he shouldn’t be talking to you because of rumors you had nothing to do with and he needs to take your advice to see someone.
However, you need to let him express his emotions. If you don’t want to be with him break up. But don’t put him down because of how sensitive he is he can’t help that” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Making Other Plans When I Felt My Friend Would Cancel On Me?
“I reconnected with an old friend from over 10 years ago. We were work friends in, my late teens and I left the company to which she then got into a relationship with a mutual friend of ours. We lost touch because it turned out he was controlling and because I focused on my career.
Anyway, we reconnected a week or so ago and noticed she was probing to see how I felt about her. While I never had a thing for her back then I did find her attractive so I figured why not. She seemed very keen and we arranged for her to come over to mine when her daughter goes to her father’s for the weekend.
All seemed to be going well until I asked her what she liked to eat so I could cook. She said I didn’t have to and conversation seemed to die down that day. And for the next few days. I sent her my address but had a gut feeling she no longer wanted to come over even though she said nothing.
Now I’ve learned to trust my gut. So I made other plans and was out of the house. And right on the time she was supposed to come over she texted me and said there was a change of plans and she has her daughter this weekend.
I told her it’s all good and these things happen and left it as that. But then she asked what I was going to do instead and I said I was out with friends. She got mad for standing her up. I asked her to explain and she said that if she were going to come over I wouldn’t have been there.
While true, she cancelled which I had a good feeling about. She didn’t read my last message where I sent her my address so I highly doubt she would have shown up without reading it.
Should I have stayed in and not make alternative plans?”
Another User Comments:
“You were fine making alternative backup plans, but if she hasn’t canceled your plans, you should have been ready to go with the original plan. If you intended to cancel it either way, you should have let her know as soon as you knew.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she didn’t confirm anything with you and you moved along and made other plans. Is she upset that you had plans ready to go when she canceled? What is there to be upset about? I can understand the disappointment of hearing that you’re out with friends but she didn’t confirm anything with you.
If this is not a red flag it’s a pink one to me. People are saying you ghosted her but to me, she ghosted you and maybe wanted to leave the door open and that’s why she still followed up by communicating her unavailability.” Luhvrrs_Lane
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to bother putting a vote to this, but I wish people used white lies more often in situations like this. Where you distrust someone but are willing to be pleasantly surprised. If you had told her, “I’m just going to go hang out with some friends,” you would have been fine.
She canceled on you, so you’ll go ahead and make new plans. But you let her know that you expected her to cancel and so intentionally double-booked yourself. I have no idea what your end goal could be in saying that other than for it to be a pointed jab, you know?
Like to end the relationship on your terms or something. But if that wasn’t your goal, and you were 5 minutes away and fully intended on leaving your friends to see her if she confirmed that she was coming, you should have used a white lie.” Ryuugan80
8. AITJ For Interfering With My Sister's Parenting Techniques?
“My oldest niece is 7 and has trouble reading. She will often have trouble recognizing the same word if it is on a different page.
I believe she could be dyslexic, but it isn’t something that has been looked into for her yet. My sister is dyslexic.
Tonight, my sister and her daughter were sitting down practicing reading. Except my sister began by firmly saying things like “come on you know this word” and “don’t look at me just read the word”.
As this continued, it was obvious my niece was just getting more and more nervous and was just trying to “get the right answer” instead of actually trying to read. My sister got more and more frustrated and started firmly (not shouting) just saying what the book said to her.
I tried lightly prompting, “what are you doing, you’re not teaching her, you’re just telling her what it says so she can say it back to you.” My sister just ignored me and then led to her very lightly tapping her daughter with the book (a very thin tiny book) for each word she got wrong.
I again was “hey, that’s not really helping her learn” and had even sent her a message with a resource page for teaching Dyslexic kids to read before this. Finally, my sister said “I am going to keep tapping her until she remembers this word, let me parent.” The book is closed at this point.
My niece is laughing but it’s clear she doesn’t really know what to be doing.
I had to say something. I said this isn’t working, it wouldn’t be how you would learn and it’s clearly not helping your daughter, this isn’t right. I asked my sister several times if we could step aside and talk about it and her only response was for me to let her parent.
Finally, she sent her daughter to her room and stormed off to hers.
AITJ for interfering?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk at all but your sister is a major one. You don’t ever use physical punishment for correcting behavior or trying to teach a child.
The minute she did that, she lost all rights to be talked to privately. ‘joking/playing’ or not, it’s completely inappropriate to use a book to hit (sorry tap /s) a kid. As a concerned adult, you have an obligation to step in if you see stuff like that.” AmberLeanne89
7. AITJ For Not Performing For Free At My Ex-Friend's Wedding?
“A friend of mine of nearly 10 years recently got engaged and started planning a wedding for the summer of 2025.
She asked me to be her bridesmaid at the wedding and I happily said yes.
When planning the wedding I asked if they would prefer a traditional wedding gift, or would they want some assistance with the wedding. I am a singer at a wedding band, and we have performed for free for friends and family before and we offered to play a set in exchange for food.
She was very excited about the idea.
However, at the engagement party, I got into a huge fight with my fiance. To the point in which my friend kicked me out of the wedding party. And later the entire wedding. It’s fine. I couldn’t pretend to be happy for them at the wedding, it’s their day, and if they don’t want me there, it’s okay.
I however assumed that since I am no longer welcome at the wedding, I am not required to give a gift either. My former friend (her words) insisted that since they had “booked” us, we were required to perform at her wedding. For free. I told her that we only perform for free for friends and family, and even they pay for accommodation and travel as well as provide us with food at the event.
If she wants us to perform, it’ll be the standard fee since we are not friends. We have an opening to take the wedding, but we are not doing it for free.
Since then she has bad-mouthed us to all our mutual friends. They think that to keep the peace, we should just do it, as we had promised.
Am I the jerk here for not wanting to give an expensive value gift to someone who no longer considers me to be her friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re justified in not wanting to perform at the wedding for free, especially after being kicked out of the wedding party and the entire event.
Your offer to perform was based on the premise that you were friends, but now that the relationship has changed, there’s no reason to provide your professional services for free. It’s unreasonable for your ex-friend to expect you to honor the original agreement after she’s made it clear you’re no longer welcome in her life.
It’s also unfair for your mutual friends to pressure you into doing something that would likely make you feel taken advantage of. You have every right to charge your standard fee if she wants your band to perform. The agreement to perform was based on a friendship that has since ended.” rhinoregrets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She kicked you out of the wedding. Should you perform from outside? You can offer them a reduced price ‘to keep the peace’ But honestly, if this friend unfriended you, I wouldn’t want to go to their wedding to perform. Not even for double the standard price.
And please ask your mutual friends what peace should be kept when the friendship is over. Why would your friend want you as part of her wedding band in her wedding pictures? Would she want someone her fiance is mad about, really as a musician at the wedding?
Or does she think, that wedding bands are just NPCs standing in a corner and are only there to perform? Like a human-formed computer?” Trevena_Ice
6. AITJ For Buying My Daughter A Designer Bag That Other Moms Can't Afford?
“So, I’m part of a playdate group that my sister invited me to.
We’re all in the 30s-40s range and our daughters are in the 6-8 age range, but we’re all at different life stages. Out of the group, my husband works a lot and makes the most money. While none of them are struggling (at least no one has outright said), we do have different budgets.
There hasn’t been any drama in the past two years until recently when one of the girls, Autumn (not her real name), got a purse and then everyone got a purse except for my daughter. She’s two years younger than the other girls, so I didn’t know how to feel about getting her a brand-new purse, but I also didn’t want her to be left out.
Now, I only carry designer bags because I like the way they look, and because my daughter wants to be my mini-me, I bought us matching crossbody bags. It was adorable! I didn’t see a problem with it since kids can’t tell the difference, and when we were at our weekly playdate, no one said anything, so I figured no one cared…
Well, I was more than wrong when I checked the group chat. All the other moms, including my sister, were texting me saying they felt like we were trying to show off that we had money, which felt unfair because they were the ones who always brought up bills and shopping for clothes, while I usually stayed out of the conversation.
Then Autumn’s mom texted that she was crying because she wanted the same bag for her approaching birthday now and they couldn’t afford it. And while I feel bad, I also think this is just a part of life. Even my daughter doesn’t get everything she asks for because she sees it.
So am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The fact that grown women who are mothers are texting you about having a new purse and how it’s unfair when they talk about their bills and think you showed off. When all you did was walk in with the purse and didn’t say anything about it.
Then that extra jealous one sends the most guilt-trippy text about her birthday, trying to guilt you into giving her yours or your kid’s bag? Who does this? It’s unfair I can’t have it so I’m gonna make you feel bad for having it. Your sister is a piece of work as well.
How dare she not have your back, she is probably jealous of you and perpetuated this nonsense. I’d respond with “If by showing off, you mean that I walked in and sat down and didn’t mention my purse, then yes I showed off. I did nothing wrong and I’m not responsible for any of your feelings.
I thought we were adults, but I guess not. I won’t be attending any more play groups as it’s not fair to me and my kid to be subjected to the 2024 version of Mean Girls.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ—not because you bought your daughter a designer bag per se, but because there’s hypocrisy in your self-defense.
Allow me to explain. When Autumn got a purse, it created social pressure on the other kids and their parents. While each family had the freedom not to give in to this pressure, you bore witness as one by one each girl ended up with a bag of their own.
When your daughter was the only one left out, you also caved and bought her a purse. By buying your daughter not just any purse but a designer purse, you’ve inadvertently set a new social pressure in motion—this time, about having a certain kind of purse.
Now that fingers are pointed at you as the instigator, it suddenly shocks you that the other families are feeling pressure to measure up. And, despite being unwilling to let your daughter go without, you now think these other families should simply accept that it’s just part of life not to have what others have.
I’m not in any way meaning to condone the ridiculous in all this. Rather, I’m merely trying to suggest that you approach all situations with an equal mindset—even when you’re the one in focus.” Fit-Ad-7276
5. AITJ For Raising My Voice At My MIL For Ignoring My Daughter's Boundaries?
“I have an issue with my MIL when it comes to myself and my daughter. I, a 25-year-old female, have a daughter who’s 3 years old, who I have taught for as long as I can remember about her boundaries about her body. This includes who she wants to hold her, cuddle her, kiss her, etc. I have shown her this boundary for so long that she also feels comfortable saying to me if she doesn’t want to be touched and I respect it.
Now here is where I may be the jerk. My MIL had my daughter for the first time this weekend so my partner (her son) and I could go on a date and have some romance, everything went great and my daughter had an amazing time with the in-laws.
Fast forward to collecting my daughter and us leaving MIL’s house and she picked my daughter up and was smothering her with kisses, this would usually be okay but my daughter was saying no and asking to be put down, however, MIL wasn’t listening to her so I raised my voice to MIL to tell her to put my daughter down as she’s not very comfortable with being kissed.
This has now caused tension between me and my MIL as although I apologized for the tone I used, I was then blamed for ruining my MIL’s day with my daughter and her saying…
“You did upset me, and spoiled my day really…. and I had a lovely day with *daughter*.
And yes you do need to work on your tone and how you speak to people. I would never do anything to hurt *my daughter* and I’m upset you think I did. But let’s move on”
AITJ for raising my voice at her when she overstepped my daughter’s boundary about being touched and raising my voice with MIL when she wasn’t listening to my daughter’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I love the trend these days of teaching young kids about consent and control over their bodies. This is how you raise young women to stand up for themselves and not be victims. So good for you!” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I might’ve given your MIL some leeway if I hadn’t seen the follow-up comment about you having discussed this previously and the MIL dismissing you. That is YOUR daughter, not hers.” Aestro17.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your daughter was trying to communicate a need and MIL was ignorant of that.
You tried to inform MIL and MIL is upset she was reprimanded. You are NTJ but I wouldn’t necessarily expect MIL to come around even though I think this is an important part about teaching kids consent.” KitsiCode
4. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Adjust His Attitude During Holidays?
“I (43 f) ask my husband (49 m) not to be a jerk during the holidays. My husband and I have been together for a total of 6 years with 4 teenagers between us and managing holidays have never been easy. Besides the stress of making holiday magic happen, there are extra factors when it comes to blended families.
When I talk about extra factors, I speak about trying to manage the schedules of an ex-husband, his ex-wife, and all the families that come with that. On top of attempting to successfully co-parent, my husband and I are a mixed-race couple. My husband moved to my country in his early teens and his background is quite different than mine.
The holidays that we celebrate here aren’t always celebrated or celebrated differently in his own country. Through the years, I have attempted to incorporate his traditions into our celebrations, but met with judgments like “it’s not the same” or “you’ll never do it like back home”.
During any holiday he sports a bad attitude and does nothing to contribute. On Mother’s Day, I bought my gift. Valentine’s Day, I took myself out. Christmas I was Santa Claus, every magic elf and yes my stocking was the only one that was empty.
I don’t put myself through this torture because it seems like a good idea, we have 4 children and I want to make good memories. Kids are only kids for so long and we have only a few more years before college. Tonight I asked him to try not to be a jerk during the holidays.
He asked why am I asking him so early. I simply told him that it takes forever to decide anything. I told him that I was not asking him to physically do anything just have an attitude adjustment. Of course, this sparks an argument where I have been accused of being a jerk.
So readers, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My question unrelated to what you asked your husband…is why you’re still together? He absolutely makes zero effort and when you make an effort to try to make things special for him, he doesn’t even appreciate it and just sulks and is rude about your effort.
You’re focused on the kids but who’s focusing on you?” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure there are more tactful ways of phrasing it, but ultimately – you’ve only been with him six years. Is this really how you want the rest of your life to be?
He doesn’t try to adapt to local customs and has to hate/ignore anything related to it. Why doesn’t he start his customs, or integrate his into yours? Or if he hates it so much, why is he even with you/in your country? I’m sure your kids will remember the holidays well.
That’s when Mom was upset because Stepdad was being a jerk. Not good memories for them to have.” DixOut-4-Harambe
Another User Comments:
“I know this is different because my partner and I are from the same country, but we are from two different religious backgrounds.
I’m not Christian but I’ll cook Christmas dinner with her, and one year we all had a situation over Hanukkah and she surprised me by asking our friend, who was running errands, to get me candles for my Menorah. You not only deserve someone who won’t be a jerk, you deserve someone who will try to give you a good holiday as well.
NTJ at all.” whatarogue
3. AITJ For Not Adding My Son And DIL To The Family Vacation After They Initially Declined?
“Every year I try to do a family vacation, around Easter I ask everyone for their availability. The best day for almost everyone was a winter vacation. My DIL and son told me that day wouldn’t work for her so they can’t go.
I asked if the backup days would work and it was a no.
Usually, the vacation is something that everyone can drive to, it was going to be the same until all the adults agreed the kids were old enough to leave the country. So now the trip is to Europe.
Everyone has bought their tickets and I have booked where we are staying.
Everything is getting finalized. My son and DIL were not in the family vacation chat since they weren’t going on the vacation. They heard about the plans and want to be added in.
She called me up asking about it and what they needed to do. I asked her how she could get off work and she explained she just could. I think she didn’t want to go on the trip until she learned it was to Europe and lied to me that she couldn’t come in the first place.
I told her it was too late, things were booked and I was not willing to pay more than I already had ( I paid for all the lodging, we would need to upgrade to fit two more adults). She asked if I was serious and that it is cruel to not include them on a family trip around Christmas.
I told her it is what it is and it’s not my fault.
My son is upset. He told me that I could afford to add two more adults, and that is true. I reiterated what I told his wife. He called me a jerk…
I want an outside opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you planned everything already and if your DIL really changed everything just because the trip was to somewhere she wanted to go doesn’t sound good. Second, why can’t they pay the extra if they want to come?
Aren’t they adults already?” FairyFlossFlowers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s rather clear DIL didn’t want to drive but loves the idea of a European trip (that you pay for). It was solely her actions that resulted in this situation. If you want, tell them how much extra it’s going to cost and let them pick that up.
If you don’t want to, that’s fine as well win that you made the offer, they declined and you made plans. NTJ.” Catskill
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you presented this in the first place. A local drivable family vacation that is done every year is very different from a new international family European vacation.
Son and DIL shouldn’t have to agree on a vacation before knowing all the details. You should have presented this to them from the very beginning as an international European family vacation. It sounds like you’re being vindictive to your son and DIL.” Consistent-Pickle-88
2. AITJ For Not Including My Mom's Fiancé In Wedding Ceremonial Activities?
“I am a bride getting married in October 2024 and am conflicted about choosing the ceremony seating arrangement, processional order, and family portrait list. My parents are divorced but are still civil and can handle being in the same room together.
My mom has been seeing her partner for about 2 and a half years and got engaged to him about 6 months ago.
I have nothing against him, but I don’t have much of a relationship with him because I was living out of state most of that time and only had short conversations with him a few times a year on holidays. She fully assumed that he would be getting a boutonniere like my and my fiancé’s dads, escort her down the aisle during the processional, sit right next to her in the front row, be in official family portraits, etc as if he were my stepdad of multiple years.
I told her instead that I wanted my fiance to escort her to her seat during the processional, and that I would like her to sit in the first row next to my dad along with my grandparents, while the second row would be reserved for other family members (aunts, uncles, cousins) who have known me my whole life.
I am also not including him in my family portrait list (which only includes parents, siblings, and grandparents) because adding him into the combination will just increase the time we will spend posing for pictures instead of enjoying our cocktail hour.
She is upset at every choice I’ve made to keep him out of these special moments in my wedding and is starting to complain to others in my family that I’m shutting him out.
I don’t want it to seem like I’m saying “You’re not family” but I would just prefer to have those special moments in my wedding only reserved for people who are very special to me and I have known them my whole life.
Am I the jerk for not just letting him be included in my wedding since he is her fiance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s not being fully excluded —- he’s attending as a guest. Does he have an issue with this? I think it’s fine to decide who’s a part of your family portraits and seating during the ceremony. Also, I’ve been to weddings where neither parents walk with their spouse – it has been another family member/member of the party.
She made assumptions and she’s causing conflict where there doesn’t need to be any. He’s attending, as a guest. They can sit together during the reception, but he doesn’t have to be in your family portraits. Maybe just give him a boutonniere? Or speak with him directly and NOT through your mother.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He’s not some random guy she’s inviting along as a plus one so she doesn’t feel awkward. He’s been with your mum a long time and they’re engaged to be married. Of course, she’s upset. He should be sitting next to her and it wouldn’t hurt for you to have one photo of the happy couple with your mum and future stepdad that she can display in her house and show her friends.” BackgroundGate3
1. AITJ For Not Sharing My Psychological Disorder Diagnosis With Friends And Partner?
“I am diagnosed with a rather rare psychological disorder that stems from trauma. I won’t mention it here, but I’m sure some of y’all will figure it out anyway.
I was diagnosed with this disorder about 5 or 6 years ago after suffering a psychotic break and being honorably discharged from the military.
Since then, I have only told a few people about it.
My best friend (31m) knows about my diagnosis, but a newer friend of mine (26f) does not. We were having a small party to celebrate my best friend (let’s call him Daniel) finally getting into a relationship after years.
During that small party, we started talking a lot and the newer friend (let’s call her Allie) started talking about her disability (it was all in context, it wasn’t like she just randomly brought it up) and about how much she struggled in her life with being diagnosed with a rare disorder.
I was trying to relate to her by telling her that I knew how it felt, which prompted her to become weirdly invested. She told me to tell her, which I refused since I disliked talking about it. Allie started yelling at me about how I’m supposed to trust my friends and asked me if I told my partner of a year, to which I said no. She claimed I was taking advantage of my partner and I should be telling people about these things because they might not want to deal with that.
The conversation then ended since Daniel broke it up, but it got me thinking. I feel like she might be right, not the way she said it of course, but the fact that I should be telling my partner about my diagnosis.
I realistically know that my partner wouldn’t ever judge me, having experienced some pretty traumatizing things himself and having some pretty jarring diagnoses as well.
So I gotta know, am I the jerk for not telling people about my disorder?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the joys of being an adult is you get to decide exactly what and who you share information with. This is your choice. Allie’s escalation is strange in this since you say the discussion came up organically.
Her attempts to shame you using the “trust your friends” is a red flag. Anyone who does not respect your boundaries, especially a boundary around personal medical information, is concerning. All that being said, you need to consider what and how you want to share with your partner.
As your relationship progresses, this will morph from something you think is private to you withholding information from them.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not telling Allie, but you really should share it with your partner. It’s not fair for anyone to take on a person not knowing the full story, and then one day they get slammed in the face with it and have no idea what’s happening, what to do, how long it’s going to last, etc. Especially since you’ve been with them for a year.” User
Another User Comments:
“Depends on whether there is a possibility of a recurrence and having that information would help your SO know how to help you or keep themselves safe. If knowing or not won’t make a difference, then NTJ. If you’re taking meds to stabilize your mood and the lack of those meds may affect your behavior, that’s something they should know.
It has happened that the sufferers of some disorders stop their meds without telling anyone, leaving their loved ones increasingly confused and afraid.” FairyCompetent
Another User Comments:
“Hey, op read your other post as well. I think I know what’s up and will say I have 2 partners one is by themselves and the other has probably what you got.
I’ve met most of their main crew and they are pretty cool and let her live her life for the most part and are cool with me and know I’m safe to know. So it doesn’t affect us really, I’ve also known her and about it and them for some years before our relationship.
I completely understand the need for secrecy as that’s integral to your safety and well-being, in the most general sense. I’ve also had a lot of friends with what you’ve got, and there are many ways to thrive in life with them.
Side note I hope no one is forcing y’all to fuse and you can find functional. life solutions or however all want to live it is valid. I’d feel bad for coming out and saying it so if you’d like to chat more my DMs are open.
I’m by myself for the record but many friends, community members, and my partner all got whatcha got, I think.” One_Economist_3557
