People Try To Fix Their Mistakes In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Confronting My Stepdaughter About Selling The Expensive Gift I Bought Her?
“Hi, I am 34 years old, female and my husband is 10 years older than me. He had a daughter when he was still in college (The mother and my husband were never married, and didn’t live together throughout their 4 yr relationship) and she is now 20 years old.
At first, we were getting along well. Chatting and telling each other random stuff. She lives far from us with her grandparents (mother’s side).
Then, as time went by, I noticed that she tended to ask me (by messaging me personally) for things like branded perfumes, and gadgets (iPhone), and even asked me to prepare funds for her debut (back when she was turning 18).
I let these pass, but I’ll admit that I am kinda off about it.
Then recently, she asked me to buy her an expensive perfume (Le Labo Santal 33 – Cost $335 for 100ml) and then mentioned that she doesn’t have money in the meantime to pay for it.
I told my husband about this, and we decided to just give it to her as an advance bday and Christmas gift since it is too expensive.
We sent her the perfume and days after she received the gift, she was asking for the receipt.
I purposely did not include the receipt since for me, it is rude to include gift tags or receipts to your gifts. I asked her what she would do with the receipt, she just mentioned that her cousin wanted to buy the same one and wanted to know where we bought it.
1 week after sending her the receipt, I saw her post selling the perfume online! I called her out about this and told her that this was very impolite.
She told her mom about this and they created a group chat (me, her mom, and my stepdaughter) and confronted me about this.
Her mom told me that I was crazy for accusing her daughter of selling our gift and that I was paranoid and had no proof that it was the same perfume. My stepdaughter claims that she is selling her cousin’s perfume (remember her cousin who wanted to buy the same one and asked for the receipt?).
What she didn’t know is that Le Labo’s labels are customized per purchase, and care cards are handwritten by those who prepared them. So technically no care cards are exactly the same. Told them about this and showed them proof and photos.
The mom then mentioned that I was just crazy and told me that what MY HUSBAND was telling HER IS RIGHT; THAT I AM CRAZY.
SHE SAID THAT SHE AND MY HUSBAND ARE STILL TALKING AND THEY ARE MOSTLY TALKING ABOUT HOW CRAZY I AM. She’s also claiming that my husband cannot move on from HER, hence my husband still has their family photos (Which by the way I know, and I was the one who told my stepdaughter about this when she refused to see her father.
I told her that her dad loves her so much and even kept their photos because that’s the only photo of him and her daughter).
Told them that I was done with them and I knew that she’d been blocked from all my husband’s social media since 2013 because apparently she did this before with my husband’s previous partners.
I showed my husband all the messages. I told him that I won’t force him to pick my side or abandon his child, but I am done being nice to his daughter!!!”
Another User Comments:
“The ex-wife and the daughter planned this together to manipulate you and get funds out of you.
The daughter is 20, you don’t need to have a relationship with her. If your husband wants to, don’t stand in the way but don’t allow yourself to be used and insulted anymore.” LongjumpingDivide985
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go NC with the ex. Let their husband shop for her gifts.
Is it possible that the ex was having her sell it for funds? The daughter (or her mother) just wants funds but doesn’t think she can ask for it is my guess. I don’t believe for a second her story about the cousin.
It’d be nice to not put your husband in the middle but I’d not be buying any more gifts. I’d never give a gift that I’d be hurt finding being sold for pennies on the dollar the next week.” GenRN817
Another User Comments:
“You’re not wrong – but this also ain’t your lane. You’re her peer, not her mom. You’re barely 10 years older than her, you’re in the same generation. This is a problem for her dad to engage in. And if he won’t? You drop it – cause it’s not your business.
The only thing you should do her is not get involved in gift giving for her in the future knowing that your efforts will be treated like this. She’s a spoiled brat and a liar – keep that in mind in your interactions going forward but leave it to her dad to fix.” adudefromaspot
19. AITJ For Letting My Stepkids Spend Quality Time With Their Biological Parents Without Us?
“My husband and I both had children when we met/got married. My husband has a 17-year-old daughter “Alex” and a 14-year-old son “Ben”. I have a 13-year-old son “Luke” and a 12-year-old daughter “Maya”. We have been together for 8.5 years and married for 5. Mostly our blended family has blended well.
I won’t say it’s super duper blended and that my stepkids call me mom and they say Luke and Maya are their brother and sister vs stepbrother/sister. But the kids don’t fight. Everyone is respectful and most of the time none of the kids have an issue with doing things as a blended family.
For about a year Ben and Alex both have wanted some more focus on their relationship with their dad vs the relationship with our blended family. They have expressed a wish to sometimes have just their parents for certain moments. Their mom was open to this, although reluctantly, my husband was more reluctant because he didn’t want to open the door to them leaving us out all the time.
He felt like they were a little too enthusiastic about dividing the family and when asked, he admitted the fact both of them wanted it had him concerned it would lead to this.
In July Ben won an all-day family (of four) ticket to an amusement park.
He wanted to use it for his birthday and wanted both parents there. My husband said we’d pay for me and my kids to join in and we’d all be there. Ben was so disappointed. Alex was disappointed on her brother’s behalf.
Alex and I talked later and she told me they don’t hate us (me and the kids) but they wish they just had some good memories of them with their parents.
She said memories of family time always had someone missing; either dad or mom.
Last weekend was Ben’s birthday and I told my husband beforehand that he should go and enjoy and they should use the four tickets and my kids and I would do something else.
He was like no, we have to go as a family. I told him to give his kids a nice memory where they have both parents. I told him to do it for them. That his kids deserved it. He went very reluctantly and my kids were upset we weren’t going to.
I spoke to them and helped them to understand. It was still a little more difficult because they remember my husband and stepkids always being around. But they could still understand once explained. My stepkids had the best time. Ben was especially happy. My husband was surprised by just how well it went and how my stepkids had no issue being around us afterward.
He admitted he still felt some guilt about it. His parents picked up on this when we saw them the next day they felt like I shouldn’t have held back and I “only created more trouble”. My husband told them to leave it and I wasn’t wrong but he has also admitted he still has some mixed feelings on it.
My ILs are very clear that they think I was wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, neither you nor your husband. Blended families are tough! I think that having occasional days where your stepkids get just their dad (or just their parents) sounds like something they need. I understand why your husband is concerned and feels guilty, but I think that if you do most things as a family, it’s healthy for there to be some times when it’s not the whole family.
Even in families where both parents are together, you sometimes have events that are for only part of the family, like Daddy/daughter and mother/son events, or things like scout troops that often only include one gender and not the other. Maybe you and your kids should get to do something fun with just the 3 of you, where they get to enjoy your undivided attention for the day.
In families with more than one kid, getting some time with the parent you’re closest to where you don’t have to share them can feel special, and it’s good to let each of the kids have some time like that. I think your in-laws need to back off and not stir up bad feelings.
It sounds like they’re the only people who don’t understand that this went off well and everyone who matters feels okay or better about it.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“You are the _opposite_ of a jerk and honestly did more to strengthen your relationship with your stepkids than any amount of forced togetherness.
You modeled generosity and grace and showed your stepkids that you value their feelings, too. You also taught your kids a valuable lesson about sharing and relationships. I would sit down with your husband and his ex (and ex’s current?) and figure out semi-regular opportunities for each set of kids to get time with both parents, if that’s an option, or if it’s not kid/bio parent time.
It’ll make blending a lot easier. Seriously, NTJ, and have a giant cookie, because you did GOOD, from a child of divorce. More parents should be this respectful of their kids’ wishes.” FantasticCabinet2623
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And incredibly thoughtful to advocate for your stepkids. I’m certain they will remember this and it will strengthen your bond that you understood and made this possible. Sit down with your husband and point out how happy it made the kids and how well it went at home afterward. Kids and husband are lucky to have you.” GSD_enthusiast
18. AITJ For Feeling Neglected As My Parents Constantly Prioritize My Sister's Needs Over Mine?
“My parents have me (16m) and my sister (15f). When we were younger things were okay.
But then when she was 7 she got bullied by a kid in her class. The bullying didn’t last long but afterward, she changed. She struggled with her self-esteem and she still feels bad about herself and hates herself and it made our parents go into protective mode.
They let her choose where we got takeout for a month afterward and they canceled what we had talked about for my birthday party and instead decided we all needed a family vacation instead but she got to pick the location even though we went for my birthday.
I didn’t have fun. My parents knew I wouldn’t like it. They told me she needed this and we needed to help pick her up. They told me I could spend time with friends another day and do something small with them. That never happened even though I asked.
She was still in a bad place after a few months and then my dad went no contact with his mom (grandmother) because she decided she was going to leave “all her grandkids” something but my sister, the only granddaughter, wasn’t included and she said some nasty stuff about boys being more special to her, in front of my sister.
Which did a messed up thing to my sister. But it made my parents go crazy on the “let’s make sure sister gets put first always”. It was more of the same where she got to make decisions for us all. I didn’t get the chance to do it ever.
And the few times I would make plans with friends but my sister wanted me around my parents would ask me to put her first and cancel the plans. A couple of times I said no but my parents made me cancel anyway. It keeps getting worse too and still happens.
A few months ago I told them that stuff was pushing me away because I felt less important and less cared for by them. I also told them I felt like my sister had to make too many decisions for me. I told them I was so ready to just move away and get away from them and it hurt but it felt like my sister’s family instead of mine.
They said they were sorry, they told me they’d do better, and they’d get my sister a better therapist to help her so we could all move on.
I had plans to go to a Halloween party with friends next week. My sister had plans with friends but after a panic attack, they canceled on her and mocked her about the panic attack.
She asked our parents if we could go away that same weekend and spend time as a family. So my parents asked me to cancel plans and go and they tried to apologize but I said forget it, to forget making it up to me because I don’t believe them and I’m done.
I’ll do what they want and I’ll suck it up for two more years and I’ll walk away because I’m so done. I wouldn’t hear my parents out and they got frustrated with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry you’re in this situation.
Your sister’s issues have to do with her unkind friends. No amount of spoiling on the part of your parents is going to make up for her unkind friends. I hope she’s getting some kind of treatment. If not, they’re failing her. They’re failing you.
NTJ” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would go to NC if I were you too. I’m a parent, so I understand that the decisions can be hard, but they’ve failed you with their decisions. Their decisions have made it clear that you are less of a priority to them.
They have sacrificed you and your happiness instead of your sister. They have done nothing to try to repair the situation, and they won’t truly understand the repercussions until you’re gone and unavailable to them.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your parents are neglecting both of your needs.
Letting your sister decide everything that happens isn’t going to help her because it could make her feel worse when she faces rejection and negativity in the future. As for you, you are feeling unincluded in your own family, and that is not okay. Considering you spoke to them about it before, your saying ‘forget it’ is fair enough.
I’d say it would be good to try and talk with them again, that’s if you’ve only spoken to them once about it before. If you’ve tried multiple times, if it were me I’d just forget it overall. Remember you’re your own person and can live your own life, so where possible, do what you want” BeeInfamous2128
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pretend Our Family Dog Is A Service Dog?
“My (19M) brother (17M) and dad (57M) wanted to go out to the pub together (without our mum because, of divorce) because we hadn’t done it in a long time as I had been in uni and my brother had been doing random stuff. We wanted to go out with Mike (our family dog, owned and taken care of by my mum though), but the pub doesn’t allow dogs unfortunately, so we were gonna leave him at mum’s.
Before we left, everyone was already fighting because my dad was late or my brother was meant to drive us there but forgot or some crap, and overall everyone was in a bit of a bad mood already.
But then, my brother and mum mentioned something they did recently and it made them laugh and they wanted to show me.
I’m interested so I wait for my brother to come back, and he comes back holding a (tacky, cheap) dog harness with the words “SERVICE DOG” printed on it. He and my mum said it’s funny because they can use it to bring Mike to places that don’t allow dogs.
I’m already very uncomfortable.
Then, my brother’s face lights up and he says something like “We should put it on Mike tonight so we can take him to the pub!” We should lie about him being a service dog.
For extra context, Mike is a well-behaved dog – he’s a golden retriever, very smart, good-natured, and obedient.
He loves people and people love him.
But I didn’t like this whole service dog idea. I immediately found it gross and immoral.
I pretty much said that. My brother responded that “no one will know” because he’s so well-behaved, and it hurts no one, it’s a “victimless crime”, and if people know, no one will care anyway because everybody loves Mike.
I still think it’s wrong. My brother gets very cross and starts calling me names (“idiot, coward, etc), and says a bunch of stuff about how I’m always like this. I look at my mum for backup and she just sympathetically says something to the effect of “Oh, go on, it doesn’t matter”.
At that point, my dad rings me to ask where we are. I tell him what’s happening and he says it’s “victimless” and “no one will know”, but when I respond he just says over and over “I get it, I understand, no no, I get it, fair enough, alright”, and it’s hard to explain, but it’s the voice he uses when someone is being a bit insane and he’s just trying to appease them.
I say I don’t want to go out if they’re gonna make Mike wear that thing. My brother says he doesn’t want to go with me anyway because I’m a coward and I ruined it, and the whole thing is just called off.
Although I am completely solid in my opinion about that stupid harness, especially as a disabled person myself, I can’t help but feel like I ruined it.
My mum and brother stopped arguing when they brought out the harness and it was a laugh and it made everything chill again, but my objecting to it ultimately led to the night being called off. I don’t know what I should’ve done. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is people like your mother and brother who are jerks. I was training a service dog and so many businesses have been dealing with emotional support animals (which are not protected by law) that are just a pet and fake service dogs that don’t know how to handle a real service dog.
I believe your dog is great. However, if you interacted with a real service dog there will be issues. Your dog hasn’t been trained to only focus on you. Then we have so many examples of aggressive dog behavior towards service dogs that often can result in the service dog being no longer able to work.
This is not a victimless crime. Additionally, it’s not a crime that is no big deal. It’s an ableist mentality that thinks it’s okay to “just pretend.” This crime has forethought.” uni pride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault you’re the only one in your family with a conscience.
The victims consist of those who need and have a real service dog. Depending on where you live, your family is proposing to involve you in a crime. For instance in California, a fake service dog can get you 6 months in jail and a $1,000 fine.
In the U.S., about half the states have similar laws.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to avoid casually making life exponentially harder for people whose ability to function independently requires them to have a real service animal. Would your brother and father like a few fake medals and a uniform to see if it gets them a free drink?
How about a fake handicap placard so they can park close to the door? Their behavior is disgusting. Maybe you should let them do it and report it to someone who will charge them with everything possible. Perhaps they’ll listen to the nice judge if they don’t want to listen to you.
If they truly think there’s no harm to others, why don’t they post it on their social media and see how funny everyone else thinks it is?” laments
16. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Business As Collateral For My Mom's Care Costs?
“I (45f) am the oldest of a blended family of six.
I have two full sisters (43f and 40f), a stepbrother (42m), a stepsister (39f), and a half-brother (35m). My dad passed away when I was 7 and my mom (now 70f) married a guy she met in her deceased spouse-with-kids therapy group about a year later.
We all did family therapy for a few years before and after they married. We needed it because of grief and adjusting to a new situation, plus of course, my mom and stepdad had my youngest brother together and we needed to adjust to that.
In my opinion, the therapy helped us become a family unit and we all have been getting along well until now.
My stepdad passed away from a massive heart attack about two years ago, and my mom had a stroke about 3 months after the funeral. She initially recovered very well, but now we can tell she has rapidly progressing dementia and is starting to fall often.
We had a family meeting and decided to start exploring continuing care communities because we don’t think we can persuade her to move more than once. Then we discovered that it was way more expensive than we thought! As in, over $100k/year once she starts using the memory care full-time.
This put the cat among the pigeons.
The issue isn’t the initial costs, because my mom’s house would be sold for about what the buy-in would be, and she has long-term care insurance that would pay about $70k/year for 3 years. Retirement savings and Social Security would cover the rest. The issue is if she lives longer than 3 years after moving in, which she could probably do.
Most of my siblings could not afford to kick in $10k/month for potentially years if we divide the balance evenly. One of my sisters married very well (her husband has a trust fund plus he’s a partner at a large law firm), and my husband and I were very fortunate that his family’s plumbing business is doing very well, as is my small crafting business.
I don’t happen to think that we should do equal shares when the time comes but rather evaluate annually how much each of us can afford. My stepsister thinks we should open a savings account that we all start kicking into so it won’t be such a financial shock in three years, and I like this idea, too.
However, everyone else seems to think that because my husband and I own our businesses (not true for him, he is partners with his brother and uncle), we should take out a loan with our businesses as collateral to pay for mom’s care. I am disgusted with them and told them flat-out that we wouldn’t do that.
I know that my mom has been helping my stepbrother and my half-brother financially, and that will stop once she moves into the facility, so I get why they are resisting any financial commitment. But any need to kick in money is probably 3 years away.
They should be able to do something by then if they know now that it’s coming. For added info, we are all married with children, but mine will have finished college by the time my mom needs financial help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom needs to stop contributing to either one of them financially now.
If she’s showing signs of advancing dementia, then you or someone else’s trusted needs to get power of attorney and have her evaluated for competency. It’s a kind gesture to help them financially, that’s no longer the position that she’s in and that needs to stop ASAP.
You have no way of truly knowing how much she’s helping them or how many times she’s helping them. It sounds like you have bigger concerns to address before you even get to the part where she moves into a facility.” United-Manner20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s not a realistic expectation for the simple fact that your husband isn’t responsible for your mom. I’m sure he’s willing to help but the argument that you should fund her care based on his financial resources is BS. Also that this is his family’s business so it’s not solely his decision. Check if you have something like an area agency on aging (a government program to help discuss long-term care solutions), a social worker, and/or a financial planner to help look at options for her. Also, remember a lot can happen in 3 years. The business may go under. There could be medical issues pop up. The business could be sold and you get a nice payout. Having only you to fund your mom’s care after 3 years is a bad (and unfair) care plan.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As in marriage, if you share financial responsibilities, each should contribute proportionally to their income. You can’t expect someone with a smaller income to hand over 10K a month. At the same time, your (half-/step-) siblings can’t expect you and your husband to carry *all* the responsibility, and have your businesses as collateral. Who would even repay the loan, the businesses would be collateral for, you and your husband alone?
What if the siblings leave you holding the bag on all repayments? They’re telling you you should just fork over all the money. And that’s not okay. The ones that will see an end to their financial aid from your mom will probably stall the entire thing.” Special_Lychee_6847
15. AITJ For Wanting To Sue The Person And Insurance Company After My Car Was Hit?
“Two months ago I (20f) was at work (at a decently popular fast food shop for the town I’m in), and a high schooler came through with the Friday night crowd.
He had a truck and struggled to park. He ended up slamming into my car’s front bumper, and hitting my wheel (I had parked in a rush, so my tires stuck out at the side). He got scared and drove off, but some of his friends stayed and informed both me and the police.
I got in contact with his father and he wanted to settle outside of insurance. I said fine, as long as I get paid and my car is fixed. After a few days, he stopped cooperating, so I took it to his insurance company, which is also my insurance company.
They have been less than cooperative.
They insisted my car was totaled (damages ~40% of the car’s worth) which was untrue, especially for the state I’m in. (WI)
After this, they tried to argue my car was undamaged, which I proved otherwise.
They said it was ME who hit his truck, which I proved was untrue.
They said I was scamming them for money. Again untrue, I just want my car fixed.
They said his limits were too low to fix it (limits ~1900$?).
He hit my tire in the initial crash, and immediately after my car drove funnily. I had to pay a few days later to fix the alignment, but now they argue he never hit that part of my car even though it said so in the police report.
I said if they could not cooperate with me I would just have to sue him in small claims court. The adjuster was very angry and said I was going to ruin some kid’s life over a bumper, but it wouldn’t be the kid paying for it.
I’ve tried so many ways to work this out outside of court. I offered to settle outside of insurance, but that did not work. I tried to go through insurance, and they said he had policy limit issues, so I said I would try to cover what he couldn’t if they said how much he could cover.
They refused, and he called me and said: “screw you, sue me”.
I still tried to just settle with the insurance company. They wouldn’t let me because he refused to settle!!
I can’t file this under my policy because I cannot afford the rate raise, and if I have another accident on my record I risk being dropped.
I’ve spoken to the Insurance commissioner’s office for my state and they said once this is concluded they would be interested in speaking with my insurance company as it seems the other party is lacking in proper insurance. (The minimum amount for my state is 10k).
I understand this sounds completely insane, and it is. I’m at the point of just suing him (the minor and father) because they’ve been uncooperative and rude through the entire process, and that looks like the literal only way to get my car fixed.
I’m just so done with this and tired of fighting it.
So AITJ if I sue the person who hit my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also sue the insurance company for the amount that they are insured. It honestly sounds like you have an incompetent claims adjuster because there’s no way they would sell a policy that was under the state minimum.
$1900 is laughably low in any state. I’ll bet he’s lying. Once this goes to court, they won’t be able to lie for the sake of intimidating you into backing down. As for the rest, >They refused, he called me and said “screw you, sue me”.
You’re doing as they asked.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Several years ago I was in an accident where we both had the same insurance. The police report said the other driver was at fault. Witnesses said she was at fault. Several days later a witness crawled out of the woodwork saying I was the one who ran the light.
All of a sudden the insurance company started saying it was both our fault and we both had to pay deductible. Jumped from State Farm as soon as I could after that. I’m guessing the fact that you both have the same insurance is contributing to this mess.” DuckDodgers22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t understand how his insurance can’t cover it. Isn’t the whole point of having just liability insurance that it covers the other car in an accident? I know you said he might not have a legal amount of insurance, I just don’t understand how you have less than liability.
Do you have an attorney in the family? I want him sued just so this guy and his son have to deal with the consequences of their action, so make sure and update us when it’s over.” LookAwayPlease510
14. AITJ For Not Paying Rent To My Sister When Our Other Siblings Do?
“This is rough in multiple directions, and I’m not sure what I should have done.
I’m the youngest of four – three sisters, and then me. I’m not sure what went wrong with our parents when I was born, but they got weird about ‘finally having a son’. My siblings weren’t mistreated or anything, but they weren’t raised well, while I was spoiled. Our parents died last year, and I’ve been called a golden child a lot since.
Right now, we all live in Cassie’s (22F) house (our childhood home). Sandra’s moved in and out, while Emma’s been here almost the whole time. That’s probably not relevant. Emma’s a graphic designer and Sandra’s going to grad school with a job lined up once she gets her PhD.
Sandra and Emma both pay rent to Cassie (~$250/month, depending on how much they have at the moment). I don’t. Sandra and Emma recently found this out, and they flipped out. Sandra’s trying to talk to Cassie and convince her that she’s ‘continuing our childhood’ by treating me differently (basically that she’s been brainwashed by our parents into thinking that I’m special), that she’s internalized sexism, etc. She’s also said that this will make me into a narcissist if I’m not one already.
This was kind of a private argument, but the study was right next to my room and they were not quiet. She’s made most of the same points to me, anyway.
Emma is saying I’m helplessly entitled and need to grow up. She’s been openly refusing to talk to me.
I would say this is between me and Cassie, but A) I don’t want to be playing off her trauma or anything, and B) the utilities get split three ways. This means that my not paying rent increases how much they have to pay.
My best excuse for all this (and explanation as to why Cassie hasn’t asked): I wasn’t doing great (mentally) in high school, having to arrange a funeral at 18 didn’t help, and then my siblings basically told me that I was spoiled, annoying, and according to the internet, possibly inherently horrible.
So it’s been kind of a rough year.
I’ve just started college, and it’s a mess. I feel like I could sleep twenty hours a day and still be too tired to function. There’s no good reason for it – I don’t have that much work, and it’s not particularly hard to handle or anything.
Long story short, I don’t have a job. Sandra said that plenty of people have jobs in college and that a history degree was barely a real degree and not enough work to not have a job, which upset Emma (art history major).
Cassie’s been mainly staying out of this.
She’s said it would be good for me to pay rent once I can, but she’s also told off Sandra and Emma for hassling me about it (though maybe she just didn’t want them picking fights at the breakfast table).
Sorry for how rambly this is, but I hope the general point got across.
TL;DR: Spoiled kid doesn’t pay rent to his sister when his other siblings do, presumably because he’s 18 and doesn’t have a job.”
Another User Comments:
“When you say you feel like you don’t have enough time, do you mean you can’t get yourself to do things?
Even things you might enjoy or find simple? If so, have you been to a therapist? That sounds like pretty severe depression. I’m going to say NTJ, though you should start covering utilities. It’s on Cassie to control who pays what, and it doesn’t sound like you asked her for any exemptions.
She probably didn’t want her 18-year-old recently orphaned brother to have to deal with whatever this was. (Also, did you mean you helped plan the funeral?)” Pretentious-Cat324
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I’m not sure how your conversation went with Cassie. Was it a quick “I’ll get a job to pay rent”, and her “No don’t worry about it” Or did you have a proper discussion about finances?
This is a bit over Reddit pay grade. There are a lot more factors than you being a golden child. How much were your sisters supported by your parents through their degrees for example? They need a bit more empathy that you are trying to complete an education with parental support and guidance to become fully adult, unlike their experience.
You may want to consider getting a job to gain more independence and to help or contribute more with household tasks like cleaning if it fits in with your study better. This is not just to make them feel better, it will help you to move forward as well.
You have also left out the inheritance situation which affects reddits ability to judge. For example, home is rented and Cassie is now the head tenant, or the home was owned and you all own a 1/4.” gelfbo
13. AITJ For Asking For More Time To Help My Parents Buy A Car After An Accident?
“I (32F) and my husband (36M) have three young kids (4, 3, 1) and are being shunned by my family.
My parents have always struggled financially. For the past four years, we’ve been paying my mom to watch our kids for about eight hours a week while we work. Recently, my parents’ car broke down, and they were down to one vehicle between them, my 18-year-old sister, and my parents.
My husband and I offered to loan them a few thousand dollars to help buy a new car, on the condition that they continue watching our kids. My brother (33M) works at a car dealership, and a few days later he found a car that would work.
Unfortunately, I was recently rear-ended in a car accident and totaled my vehicle, injuring myself in the process. Due to the injuries, I was taken off work and filed a Workmen’s Compensation claim. At this point, we were unsure how long I’d be out of work, but we knew it would be at least a month.
When my brother asked for the money for my parent’s car, I told him that we couldn’t afford it at the moment, given that we just lost our vehicle and were waiting to see if Workmen’s Comp would cover my wages. I suggested if all of us siblings pitched in, it would be easier.
No one asked how I was doing after the accident. Instead, my brother was upset and said it was wrong of us to offer help and then take it back. He then got my sister involved, who expressed the same sentiment. My brother also said he couldn’t help because he was behind on his mortgage and had over $30,000 in credit card debt due to frivolous spending, including Vegas trips and luxury items. My sister, who just bought an expensive home she knew she couldn’t afford, said she couldn’t help either.
She and her husband are struggling to cover their mortgage and expenses.
Eventually, my sister and I both contributed to help buy the car, but my brother still won’t talk to me. My parents were aware of everything and refused to get involved. Now, my kids are hurt because my niece and nephew aren’t speaking to them.
Today was my sister’s baby’s first birthday, and my family wasn’t invited. My son overheard me venting to my mom and asked why he wasn’t invited, which made me feel terrible for letting him hear it.
I’ve always made an effort to keep the kids out of family drama, even when my brother and I have fought in the past. I always acknowledged their birthdays and sent gifts, but now my son is hurt by his cousins’ rejection.
I’m questioning if I was wrong to ask for more time to provide the money for my parents’ car. My brother and sister have always felt entitled to my money and time, but now that I have my own family, I feel they should respect that.
I called my brother out for his behavior and told him he was too old for this kind of drama. Ultimately, my kids are the ones suffering from this shunning.
AITJ for asking for more time to contribute to the car, or was I wrong to prioritize my family’s financial security during a difficult time?”
Another User Comments:
“Your family sucks. They are selfish, entitled jerks and frankly you should not be making an effort to reach out. You should focus on getting better, on making your kids happy, and figuring out what boundaries and requirements you’ll need to set in place to protect yourself and your kids from your family’s jerkiness.
Plan to focus on your own family for Thanksgiving and Christmas and do not plan to get caught up with your other family’s crap. They made some seriously bad choices to attack you and their lack of empathy, understanding, and interest in your accident is simply gross.
NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one seems to care that your financial circumstances changed when you had your accident, or that you’re hurt. I think the best thing you can do for your son is teach him about how important it is not to accept disrespectful treatment from people, no matter who they are.
And that sometimes, it is better to miss out on something than to be in the company of people who don’t treat you well. Put your own family first, always. Your parents refusing to get involved is also really disappointing. Please put your recovery ahead of anything else, especially silly sibling nonsense.
Talk to your brother again next year if you want. You have other things to worry about now.” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“I can see their annoyance. You tell them to go ahead and buy something and when it’s delivered, you leave them with the bill.
Yes, for good reasons, but they are the deliveryman, and now they find themselves with the bill. You’re also pretty judgemental about other people’s spending; your brother and sister. That has led to good outcomes exactly 0 times in all of recorded human history. No jerks here.
You should communicate how you are after the accident, people cannot telepathically sense it. And if they don’t ask, don’t sit in your offended chair, tell them; it is relevant information.” LightPhotographer
12. AITJ For Shutting Off Utilities After My Ex Ignored My Attempts To Communicate?
“My ex and I separated about 3 and a half months ago.
After I had moved out, I provided her with the utility account numbers as a temporary fix until she could have the accounts transferred over to her.
Just for context, it probably hasn’t been super easy for her and part of that is my fault. I’m not super proud of this, but I stopped by and dropped off some snacks a couple of weeks later, with a lengthy letter explaining how I felt and asking her to start over and try again with me.
I asked her to take some time to think about it and get back to me. No response. I guess that was her response, in a way. What can I say? I was deeply depressed and still hopeful for a fresh start with her.
Getting back on track, I assumed that everything had been attended to, as far as the bills go, because I thought that she was an independent adult.
Yet, a charge appeared on my bank statement from our internet service provider again (previously, it was on my card, we just split the bill). When I say again, I mean that the first month I had left, I was accidentally charged, but the following month, I wasn’t charged by them, so I assumed everything was in order.
I texted her to let her know about it – no response.
After some digging, I realized that the gas bill hadn’t been paid. So, I notified her and attempted to communicate with her, getting a range of sparse, to passive-aggressive, and even non-responses. So, because of how she was handling this and how she was ignoring me now, I scheduled services to stop.
Finally, I got a nastygram this morning informing me that I’m going to get stuck with the gas bill and that, thanks to her electricity being scheduled for shut-off, she’s going to come home from work to find her fish dead (she made it a point to mention she’d gotten after I had moved out), and for me to have a nice life.
I did send some responses but I doubt she even read them. Or if she did, she hasn’t responded.
I knew going into it this was just emotionally manipulative BS, but I have to admit that it worked because I did feel bad for the fish and her as well, to be honest. I know I shouldn’t feel bad, but I do.
I called the electric company and had the shut-off rescheduled until after the weekend.
I guess after all this time, after screwing me out of what’s going to be about a $200 gas bill, along with a bunch of other things (probably the electric bill now too), I still care about her.
I know that extending the electric usage isn’t going to bring her back to me, that she’ll never thank me for it, and that she probably hates me. I have no illusions about any of that. She and I were together for 10, almost 11 years, and as much as I try to banish it from my heart, I still love her.
So… Was I the jerk for shutting the utilities off? Am I a bigger jerk to myself for giving even more of myself to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re not living there so you’re not responsible for paying the bills. She had months to get the bills set up in her name and she didn’t.
If anything she has been using you and she’s the jerk..” Substantial_Set8774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not a nice person and would have screwed you over for far more than $200 if you had let her. The fact that she thinks that’s justifiable after all your attempts to contact her about these services shows the true measure of her character.
You’re well shot of her.” Ok-Map-6599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s an adult and needs to try harder at adulting. You should cut your losses in every sense. Don’t extend any utility services. Just leave them terminated. She’s already working on getting things set up in her name.
She’ll be fine. And do what you can to move on emotionally. It’s done; over. And this whole fiasco over the past few months has solidified that. Move forward with your life and let her go her own (separate) direction.” Austin_Native_2
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Disrespectful Friend In Our Home?
“Some context, I (24f) have been with my partner (31m) for over 2 years. Very soon into our relationship, I met his friend « Dan ». From the get-go I saw some red flags in this dude, small ones at first like not looking at me even when I talked, not responding or engaging with what I said, and talking over me/interrupting me.
I didn’t say anything, just mentioned it to my partner who said « he’s just like that » (but never with my partner). Alright even though I know those signs I decided to suck it up because I would never want to get between friends and cause conflict.
But after a while it got tiresome, anytime I would hang out with them I would just end up being silent for hours basically, or he would only interact with me to tease me. You know the kind of teasing I mean, the one that isn’t bullying only if the other person laughs and reciprocates.
And I would, I like this kind of humor… just not when it’s the only interaction we have…
Then a few weeks ago he came over, and started making comments such as “Look at her acting all tired now she works !” (I recently started working the same night job that my partner had been at for a few months, and he came over at 8 am to drop something off right before we went to bed after work).
Then saying I would mess it up if I tried to fix a hole in the drywall. Then he mentioned he was selling his motorcycle (my partner has been wanting one but doesn’t even have his license yet) and since he was selling it cheap my partner started looking at me implying he was considering buying it.
When I reminded him that we were moving in a few weeks and couldn’t afford a bike right now Dan just blurted out «Well maybe YOU can’t afford it, his finances aren’t your finances ». I was so flabbergasted.
And the finale, a few minutes later he’s talking about a neck tattoo he’s gonna get and my partner is saying he likes those and would like one.
I say “You gotta be careful though, the neck is such a tricky part, anytime you gain and lose weight, or grow old, it’s kind of the first place to start showing it.” Dan had already started getting up mid-sentence and interrupted exclaiming laughing. “What are you doing with this chick bro, she’s 20 thinking she’s 40 !!”
My face just went blank, I didn’t say anything because I always had that fear of causing trouble between friends but I regret it now. Afterward, I told my partner I never wanted to lay eyes on such a disrespectful person, he tried defending Dan saying «You know that’s just how he is and we all know he’s a misogynist anyway » but I didn’t budge.
He’s been making comments about inviting him to our new place and I told him he wouldn’t set foot in my house again. Did I overreact? Was this just teasing gone too far? Am I being too harsh? What do you think ?”
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, NTJ. Secondly, from how you describe things it sounds like your partner’s opinion is being constantly swayed by his friend. You’re trying to be the sensible one in this relationship and build a future together. His friend sees you as a threat to his ‘wingman’ and has already taken a dislike to you.
You are at a crossroads here (if not now, then very soon in the future)…either you go, or the friend goes.” Nesferatu123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That friend sounds like he has your partner wrapped around his finger. And your partner never says no to him (and he knows that I believe).
I understand not wanting to come in between friends, but if your mental health goes because of it, it’s not good. I would sit your partner down when you both are in a healthy and good mindset and calmly tell him what the problem is, Try to keep it with ‘I and me’s’, It makes me feel “blank”, I don’t like it when “blank”.
Try to keep your foot down on the ground with where you stand and where your boundaries end.” Lilithra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house too and you get a say in who should be allowed in. Question for you: your partner is totally fine listening to his friend belittle you.
Why is that? Why is he not defending you and telling his friend to cool it? Why does he think that’s ok? If you see Dan again, will you just take it? Or are you going to tell him to quit? Dan may be so clueless he doesn’t realize what a jerk he’s being (or doesn’t care) but he needs to know you don’t like his snide comments.
Stop trying to keep the peace.” User
10. AITJ For Not Changing My Bedtime To Accommodate My Neighbor's Sleep Schedule?
“Myself and my wife live in an apartment in an old European capital city. Just us, no kids or pets. We moved in about six months ago. We have neighbors above and below us, and like most apartment buildings where we live, we have old, squeaky, wooden floors.
A few months ago our downstairs neighbor rang the doorbell and said that since we moved in, he’s having trouble sleeping. Supposedly he never had any problems with the previous tenant. He asked if there was anything we could do.
I was kind of at a loss that he asked, given that we’re generally pretty chill people.
I said we’d do whatever we could and suggested that we take off our shoes, as a way of hopefully dampening the sound of footsteps on the floors. He thanked me and we’ve exchanged a few hellos since then, so I figured, okay. Solved, or he decided there wasn’t much to be done.
Today he rang again and my wife and I both answered the door. He reiterated that he’s struggling with sleeping with us and that he thinks our bedroom must be over his because he hears our footsteps at night.
Myself and my wife were both again kind of at a loss.
We reiterated that we take off our shoes and either walk barefoot or wear slippers, we don’t watch TV at loud volumes past 10, no parties, no TV in the bedroom, etc. We have it on our minds a LOT, precisely because there… really… isn’t much we can do.
We asked if he had anything specific in mind, and he suggested that he probably goes to bed a little earlier than we do, around 10-11. We’re typically more like midnight am. He reiterated that while he can hear things like voices and doors, it’s the footsteps that trouble him.
We said that… well… yeah… we do go to bed a little later… and well… yeah… sometimes we do get up to go to the bathroom, open a closet, get a midnight snack, whatever… and he profusely agreed and said “oh of course, of course, I’d never ask you to not do that kind of thing, that would be unreasonable.
So… we kind of danced around the question of “well… what exactly are you expecting?” and the answer was, not much. We suggested we could talk to building maintenance, and he was excited by that. I suggested that maybe he could take a recording of what it sounds like on his floor, and we exchanged numbers.
But when I followed up and said “Hey just let me know whenever you’d like to record and I’ll pretend like I’m getting in and out of bed,” he said, “Maybe, let’s just see how things go for now.”
So again… we’re kind of at a loss.
It seems like he’s suggesting that we just… go to bed when he goes to bed, and not make any footsteps. But of course, he isn’t outright asking us that. In our view, this is a completely absurd request. It’s an apartment, your neighbors make noise, and the floors are squeaky… my POV is “Deal with it, buy earplugs or move.”
AITJ or WIBTJ for essentially ignoring this guy going forward?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not doing anything particularly loud late in the evening and you should be able to stay up past 10 in your own house. I guess you could tell him that if wants to buy you a rug you’ll try putting it down, that might help a little with the footsteps (probably won’t even make a difference though).” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not changing your bedtime but I’m guessing maybe you are heel walkers? Walking heel first is going to be noisy in old, poorly insulated European apartments. Try walking toes first after 10 pm and I bet your neighbour will be happier.
An (easier) alternative is to wear those EVA cloud slides around the house – they’re super comfortable and will muffle your steps. Source: Lived many years in a similar situation with a petite but heavy-footed neighbor above me, and aware of not disturbing the people below.” Outrageous-Past-3622
Another User Comments:
“I swear, in my first apartment, my upstairs neighbors invited 17 Trolls over for glow bowling precisely at 3 am every morning. I never said a word, because we were downstairs neighbors. It’s part of apartment life. A lovely older couple, no idea what was going on up there.
NTJ, OP. You’re doing more than you should be expected to do. Tell dude to get a sound machine.” smmorris821
9. AITJ For Taking Away My Stepson's Phone As Punishment?
“I (M32) and my wife (F31) have a son (M13) who is my stepson. He goes to a public middle school and he does relatively well grade-wise.
He has some behavioral issues and we have tried some programs and some other things to help him with it. It seems to have gotten better as he aged, but my wife and I got an email from one of his teachers.
In the email, she said that she was having issues with him being disruptive in class.
I don’t think it’s acceptable for him to be disrespectful and disruptive during class when he’s not the same at home. He’s a pretty reserved kid around us. At first, my wife and I talked to him, he seemed sorry and I didn’t hear anything else about him being like this.
But today, my wife got another email from a different teacher with the same issue. As soon as he got home I told him to give me his phone. He didn’t like that idea, he refused it at first but eventually gave it to me.
He never gets his phone taken and my wife is very easy on punishing him. I told him to go to his room to finish homework and that I and his mom would be talking to him tonight.
As soon as my wife got home and learned I had taken his phone, she was furious.
She said that I had no right to take that because she was the one who paid for it. I agreed but tried to reason that he is having issues being a nuisance in school and it’s not stopping after we talked to her.
She didn’t get that, she said I was being too rough on him and that I’m not his dad so I don’t have the right to take things from him.
That stung. I raised that kid since he was 2 years old and stayed with her every moment.
I consider that kid my child and he calls me dad because that’s what I am to him. He knows that I’m not his biological father but I’m his father figure. His bio dad is in prison (long story unrelated).
After I try reasoning with my wife more she demands that I give her back the phone, I give it to her, but suggest that it doesn’t go back to him.
He needs to understand his actions have consequences, and his mom is way too soft on him I believe. She calls for him and he comes from his room, and she gives his phone to him right in front of me. I asked her why and she said the same thing about me not having the right to take it from him.
She didn’t get why I didn’t want to just sit down and make him say sorry again. After he walked back to his room she looked at me and said “I hope you know you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” She’s never made me do that.
It hurt me, I love my wife and it truly hurt me to see her have so much anger against me. I’m lying on the couch right now. She’s in our room lying down with the door shut. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, she severely undermined your authority in the house. Pretty dumb if you ask me because eventually, she might want to have your authority working you know? Like she can’t be there all the time. I don’t understand what her deal is. Has she told you anything else about it?
You’re probably always going to feel like your wife is too coddling and doesn’t discipline enough, you know. You’re kind of the man in the dynamic, and traditionally that’s kind of the father’s schtick more so than the mother. I don’t know. But you need to work something out with your wife because the way she undermines you decreases the effectiveness of your parenting.
And oof, it’s weird that she would say you’re not his father. Like what is going on? Big issues, you don’t seem like the jerk to me, but y’all need to work this out.” volumeoforgottenlore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe you made an overstep by giving consequences you know his mom probably wouldn’t approve of without talking to his mom.
Maybe. But I hope you didn’t/don’t sleep on the couch just because she demanded it. She doesn’t get to give you consequences. She can sleep her lazy parenting behind on the couch.” MxMirdan
Another User Comments:
“It’s called disciplining a child and unfortunately parents these days lack in this department.
My child doesn’t behave, wants to constantly talk back and/or disrespect their elders then they get disciplined. Point, blank, period. Wife needs to learn about it and see how this will teach him to be more respectful and behave. You guys need to be on the same page or it will be detrimental to all of your guy’s relationships.” Sixoneninaa
8. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Limit My Nephew's Visits?
“I, 30 F, live with my mother, 61 F. I lived on my own before, until my mother started to have trouble paying her mortgage and needed to pull in a roommate.
She wasn’t comfortable with non-relatives living with her, so I moved in to help. She gives me a decent rent and I have access to the full house and utilities.
I love my mom, but we have some problems. There were a few ground rules we agreed on when I moved in that she has broken.
The one that’s becoming a problem is telling me about guests coming over before it happens. I’ve said time and again to just send me a text if she’s having someone over so I can hide in my room. I don’t need advanced warning, just give me a five-minute heads up.
She does not do this. I normally find out there are guests by them greeting me, or by my nephew (7M) showing up behind me to ask what I’m watching/playing.
Here’s the thing about me. I do not like kids. Not in the ‘all kids are awful, they shouldn’t be allowed in public’ way, but in the ‘I don’t know how to talk to them and find any time I’m around them exhausting’ type of way.
Kids have the right to be around, and I have no issues with my nephew coming over sometimes. I just wish he wasn’t here four days a week with no warning. More than that, I wish my mom would supervise him. She’s always had a hands-off parent style, going to her room and just letting him do this thing.
This has resulted in him several times breaking things around the house. She never asks me to watch him, but I feel like the expectation that I will is there.
Also, my nephew loves Legos, and loves to play with them directly in front of the door to my room (my room opens directly into the living room), and I’ve stepped on plenty of Legos when I didn’t even know he was here.
The house is small so there are few other places he can play. I don’t get mad at him for it, just asked him to clean up his Lego when he’s done playing with it. Stepping on a Lego today was kind of my breaking point for making this post.
Again, this would all be fine if he came over maybe one or two days a week for a few hours. But that’s not the case. He normally comes over every day my mom has off, which is two days a week full day, and then before her late shifts on the weekend for several more hours.
To be clear, childcare is not the issue. My dad moved in with my sister, my nephew’s mom, to be their full-time childcare. My mom just likes having some time with her grandkids. I understand that, I think she deserves time with my nephew. But, I just never agreed to essentially live with a child part-time.
It’s making me regret moving in here. I love my mom, and I’m trying to make it work, but would I be the jerk if I asked her to have my nephew over a little less?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Like you said, she wants to spend time with her grandchild, and she probably doesn’t see him as a “guest” because he’s family.
You don’t want a kid around all the time and don’t feel you agreed to it when you moved in. This is something you guys are going to need to discuss and find ways to deal with. To be honest I don’t think a realistic solution is for her to spend less time with him but to try and lessen the impact on you, e.g. not expecting you to provide care for him, or let him play with Lego outside your doorway.” Sweeper1985
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think asking her to have your nephew over less will result in having this child over any less. This will be your life living with her. I think you would agree with me, you are becoming resentful of this situation.
And the thing about resentment is that it festers, it will eventually sour your relationship with both your mom and your nephew. So either accept that this is the way it will be or leave. You might give it one more shot, telling your mom how important this is, maybe she’ll start giving you a heads up but if she hasn’t so far, I kind of doubt it.
Parent/child roles are difficult for some people to move beyond, she’s treating you like a child, and she’s going to do what she’s going to do. NTJ” CaliforniaJade
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s not going to stop seeing her grandkid, and he’s not going to stop playing Legos.
You have the choice of moving out if you don’t like the arrangement. Yes, she should let you know when he’s coming over, but I don’t see how that helps you very much. You can go to your room and close the door AFTER he arrives just as easily as before.
A 30yo paying rent does not have to “HIDE” from a 7yo. Babysitting is not part of the agreement, and supposedly he’s there to see Grandma, not you. Your mom may be having him over and then leaving him with you, to try to get you more comfortable with kids.
If that’s the case, it’s even more important that you enforce your boundary, refuse to babysit him or play with him, and stay in your room.” 1962Michael
7. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Compensate For Her Dog's Damages Amidst Her Postpartum Struggles?
“The whole story because it’s even worse than it sounds: My older sister (33F) just had her 1st baby after doing IVF with her partner who has a complicated family.
He has several kids + left his long-term partner while she was pregnant with their youngest to be with my sister. It is contentious and my sister doesn’t live with him because he still shares custody of his other kids. So, my sister is effectively solo parenting a majority of the time.
Before she had the baby she made arrangements with my parents 60F, 70M to watch her very anxious dog who has extreme separation anxiety. My parents were kind enough to do the same for me a few years ago when I had my 1st baby + my dog was back in my care 8 days PP.
It’s important to add that they did this for me early on in my mom’s terminal cancer diagnosis- she is sadly nearing the end of that journey + has had 6 extended hospital stays since the baby was born and is unable to care for herself.
Again, my sister had her baby 6 WEEKS AGO, but due to some complications had 2 extra hospital stays during the first 2 weeks of her PP journey- not what anyone would want.
She’s luckily been home + healthy with the baby for over 3 weeks now.
On top of all of this, our area was just devastated by Hurricane Helene. My home as well as my parents + sister’s homes have all been w/o power for 4 days. My power was luckily restored yesterday, so I encouraged my parents to bring the dog + themselves to stay with my family + we would cook them dinner, they could sit in the AC + have a comfortable bed to sleep in.
Due to my mom’s illness, I gave them my room so they would be more comfortable + have better access to a bathroom.
All that to say, I woke up + the dog had an accident in my bed that ruined the $250 mattress pad that I need. He also had a huge accident in my parent’s bed that led me to buy them a new sheet set since theirs wasn’t salvageable + could also be a biohazard to my very compromised mom.
I let my sister know that when power was restored she needed to get the dog, and reminded her I had mine back in my care within 8 days, she’s been at home + healthy the past 3 weeks and she responded/ “Not my fault, I didn’t choose to put the dog in that bed” followed by her reiterating her PP experience has been more challenging + that she doesn’t have a live-in partner (but she knew what her living situation would be before doing IVF).
Anyway, she’s having a rough go at it, but I’m also upset + could be out $250. AITJ if I ask for compensation even though her PP experience has been challenging?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was irresponsible to even do IVF with this dude at this time and also have a dog.
She knew that he had a complex family situation and still, she chose to do this, which is confounding. And then she shirks her responsibility to her dog and gives it, not to some able-bodied person but to an old woman struggling with cancer. Right.
Yeah, you should ask her for compensation for the pad, the sheets, and a little on the side just for taking care of her dog over two weeks longer than is reasonable. The ONLY mitigating factor is perhaps medical difficulties. If she has none of those, she can pay in time or funds, but she better pay.” Due-Wall-6374
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But don’t make this a competition trying to determine whose PP experience was worse. It doesn’t matter that you got your dog back after 8 days, everyone’s body is different. I do think it’s fair to ask her to replace what was ruined, but instead of trying to force her to take her dog back, I think it’s more important to assess if anyone is capable of taking care of the dog.
Going off the post, it doesn’t seem like anyone can, but I hope you guys figure something out.” checkers709
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but I don’t think your sister is either. You were extremely kind in having your parents come to your place during such a stressful time..
but your parents also accepted responsibility of the dog when saying they would watch it during this time. Your parents sound very sweet and just wanted to make their kids happy during the baby transition by helping out with pets even when they should have probably just said they weren’t able to.
It sounds like you have a higher moral standard than your sister, but it doesn’t make her at fault when someone else was responsible for her pet during this time.” Professional_Pop8867
6. AITJ For Planning To Lie To My Parents About Living With My Partner?
“To give a little context, my siblings and I (27F) all have a strained relationship with our parents.
They are extremely religious and have always pushed their beliefs and religious morals on us. They never listen to us and do not treat us as the adults we are; thus not allowing us to make choices that we feel are best for our lives.
My parents are extremely emotionally immature and never acknowledge their faults or confront their true feelings. My parents, to me, are purely an exoskeleton of parents. We do not truly connect.
I had been seeing someone (now ex) for 5+ years and decided to live with him in our last year.
Our parents resented me for this. Our mom had specifically said that she would never call me, never visit our home, and wanted to “hit” my ex-partner. Our mom claims that she never even had resentment, to begin with, but it was very apparent.
In the actual scenario, I have a new partner now, “T” (29M).
Our parents and family adore him. My sister (23F), T, and I have decided to move to a new state and live together as there are many benefits for each of us. I realize that this decision will cause a rift in our family. To still live how I feel is best and to keep my relationship with our parents, I have to lie to them and say that T will live separately.
I am also cautious of being honest as I finally have someone our parents love and hold no resentment towards.
I have told our brother, “R” (29M), of my plans. R heavily disagrees purely based on the fact that lying is morally wrong and that he “wouldn’t be able to look our parents in the eyes knowing the truth.” He went as far as to compare it to if a friend told him that they planned to be unfaithful to their partner.
I know that lying is morally wrong, but this scenario is just different. He made the argument that I didn’t HAVE to, and I understand that I don’t HAVE to, but me not living with T for the sake of our parent’s opinions only withholds their control over our decisions.
R also states that the lie will eventually come out and only be worse. I agree that I should tell the truth now because our parents will feel betrayed. With that being said, I feel that I should only tell them because of R’s passion for telling the truth.
I apologize for how cold and callous this is, but R is a loose end & I don’t doubt that he would confess to our parents. R also feels sorry for our parents as they have been gracious enough to let me live with them after I needed help with my post-past breakup.
It is very kind of our parents to lend a helping hand, but he acts as if I am taking advantage of them. Of course, I am grateful and I show my gratitude, but I don’t owe our parents the right for them to dictate my life.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for wanting to avoid the wrath, but remember that you are including others in your deception. You are an adult, you can live however you want and your parents can feel whatever they want about it. You aren’t going to prevent them from finding out about this, it will come out.
YTJ light, only because you are sort of forcing your siblings to be complicit.” Miserable_Dentist_70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, R is 100% right. They’ll find out relatively quickly and your attempt to not cause a rift in the family will backfire hard when you tack on lying to it.
Rip the bandaid now. However, I think you should have low/no contact with your parents. You admit you don’t even have a connection and your mom sounds generally unpleasant, so I’m unsure why you’re lying to appease them to begin with.” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for wanting to live your life the way you want to. But in situations like this, I feel like YTJ to yourself. Your brother is right, the lie will come out. Maybe after a day, maybe a week, maybe a full year.
But for however long it takes to come out, you’ll have this nagging anxiety, and every phone call, visit, or interaction will become a juggle of who knows what and what part of the lie you need to keep up. Your parents are never going to respect your decision unless it perfectly aligns with their worldview.
Better to rip the band-aid off now and live your life free than to spend who knows how long to try to juggle a lie” AgnarCrackenhammer
5. AITJ For Being Blunt With My Sister About Her Foster Care Plans?
“Hello, so for a little backstory, my sister and I come from a dysfunctional home and childhood, I won’t go into it, but there’s a lot that we have had to heal from and there’s a lot of things that we still deal with because of our parents.
(Being extremely impulsive is one of these things, as we get it from both parents.)
For a little more backstory, my sister is in a stage of life where, in my opinion, she needs to focus on getting better and getting her life together. She recently had a stroke (was a mini-stroke, where no damage was done but she was having a lot of headaches, and ischemic stroke I believe), she’s overweight and generally not healthy.
(she is working on it) She also doesn’t have a career, has a job (but she doesn’t like the job, and there’s not much growth potential.), and is currently in school for nursing. Last semester she failed a class and has to redo the class this semester.
So, my sister and I have always had a very close relationship, and I called her earlier to talk about the pet insurance I was getting for my cat. During this same phone call, she said that she doesn’t have pet insurance for her two dogs because they can’t afford it.
A bit after this, she told me that she and her husband were taking the steps for foster care to get a baby. I told her that I support her and that I think it’s a good idea, but I think she should consider going through the process more thoroughly to get one.
She explained that I was being blunt, and was upset.
Her husband carries a gene that makes it near impossible to have children, as two years ago they were looking into IVF but ultimately could not afford it. (She was upset with me about this because I wouldn’t loan her some money to help) But I stood my ground and then explained that she was rushing this and to just go with the flow, and that their not having enough money to go with the procedure could be looked at as more time to get ready so they are more prepared for when their baby does come.
I’m hit with grief because I feel for her so much, and I’m torn between expressing my support for her decision (which I would do regardless) and being truthful and honest about how I feel. I feel like I was very polite but blunt. I do not feel like her having a child right now is the best for her, and I believe that she needs to focus on getting healthy and getting to a point where she isn’t failing school before throwing a child into the mix.
I told her that I don’t make her decisions, and I don’t control her, but I can’t just tell her what she wants to hear. I let her know that whatever decision she makes I will support her in whatever way possible, and that I love her and I’m just giving her my two cents as a big brother.
AITJ for being politely blunt in asking her to consider going through the process?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ giving your opinion respectfully, especially if she can’t even afford to get the treatments mentioned or pet insurance. Kids are expensive and a huge commitment. Now you said your piece politely and it’s done with so don’t push the topic any further unless she asks.
Her reaction is to be expected though since people don’t like to hear they can’t afford their lifestyles. All you can do is be there for her emotionally going forward, but know it will most likely get complicated going forward if she has already asked you for financial help in the past. Just do your best to be a supportive brother without enabling her or giving unasked opinions no matter how polite more than once.
The rest depends on her side and how she handles it.” Anon-1991-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – is she even aware that the goal of foster parenting is to reunite the child with the parents?!? Because she’s letting herself in for a world of pain if she believes that a foster baby will be permanently hers.
She will be required to cooperate with the reunification process, and she may not be emotionally prepared to find out that the baby is going home at some point.” KrofftSurvivor
4. AITJ For Asking Hikers To Turn Off Their Music During A Yosemite Hike?
“I was recently hiking in Yosemite when I passed a group of hikers blasting music and I asked them to turn it off. I know they’re jerks for playing loud music on a hike, but that’s not really up for debate here (and no, they weren’t playing music to scare off bears).
But am I a jerk for saying something?
I was taking in the majestic view that is Half Dome and the Yosemite Valley when I heard a faint, mysterious noise in the distance. They rounded the corner and the unmistakable fiddle from Dexys Midnight Runners’ 1982 classic “Come On Eileen” began to ring through my ears.
A phenomenal song of course (also not up for debate), but not really what anybody wants to hear while on a hike. It kind of ruined the moment, but ultimately I was in awe of what nature had put in front of me so I just gave them the classic hiker nod and moved on.
I soon reached the viewpoint and spent about 45 minutes resting and taking pictures. For reference, this is a viewpoint overlooking the valley that has a parking lot and trails going in several directions, so people can do short out and backs on different trails.
A bit after continuing my hike I heard music coming from below me; this time the distinct bass line of a reggaeton song.
I then saw the source and realized it was the same people as before, and they must have been doing a couple of hikes from the viewpoint trailheads and gone on this hike while I was taking pictures.
I couldn’t help but say something as we were passing, particularly since this was the second time they were actively impacting my ability to soak in nature’s glory.
The interaction went something like this:
**Me**: “Hey guys, could you please turn off your music?”
**Them**: “What?” (presumably because there was music in their ears rather than listening to birds and wind through the trees and a babbling brook and all of the things people go into nature for)
**Me**: “Please turn off your music, it’s poor trail etiquette.”
**Them**: *proceed to turn the music up and respond in a passive-aggressive and sarcasm-soaked tone* “Have a nice day man, enjoy the rest of your hike!”
**Me**: *Impressed with their audacity to crank the music but shocked they don’t seem to realize how much everybody else on the trail hates them, I stopped and stared as they rounded the switchback and got closer to me again*
“Just so you know, that’s extremely rude to other people trying to enjoy their hikes.”
**Them**: “It’s all in your head man, it’s all in your head. Enjoy your hike and have a GREAT day!!!!”
About 100 yards down there was a group of hikers resting in the shade who were talking about how much they hated it when people played music on the trail, so I knew I wasn’t alone in this fight.
But when I got back to camp, someone said that they were likely inexperienced hikers out having fun and I probably should have just kept my mouth shut.
So, am I a jerk here or do we all suck?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all.
One of my favorite books I read to my kids is called “If everybody did” – it shows how one individual action (like throwing a wrapper on the ground, for example) might seem insignificant, and then says, “But here’s what would happen if everybody did it…” and shows the consequence.
I wish more people had read that book as kids. If these people had, maybe they would realize that 100 people blaring their music at Yosemite would make it unbearable, and they’re not so special that they should be the only ones who get to do it.” Allaboutbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not the jerk for politely asking them to turn off their music. Playing loud music on a hike is inconsiderate to others who are trying to enjoy the natural sounds of the environment. Their response was rude and dismissive, and it’s clear that they weren’t interested in being respectful of other hikers.” yummy_jane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hiker here. What I enjoy doing is observing nature. Some jerk-blaring music ruins listening to the wind rustles through the trees, a hawk screeching, deer crossing my path, etc., I want to connect with nature’s music. I would’ve ripped them a new one.” Wild-Strategy-4101
3. AITJ For Wanting To Hold My Newborn Instead Of My MIL?
“I went in for an induction straight from my doctor’s office so it was pretty unexpected. I was with my mother at the time so I had to call my husband & tell him to meet us there.
Once they got everything in the room and ready I was starting to have some contractions but they weren’t painful, they were just uncomfortable. After being there for about an hour my MIL marches in. (For context & her are NOT close & this made me extremely uncomfortable) This was my first baby (daughter) and I was not sure how long my labor would last so I was so scared she was going to want to stay for the entire labor & delivery.
(Luckily she didn’t but it gets worse) She left after a few hours so it was just my mother, husband, & I left in the room. Once it was time to push I had my epidural and I still wasn’t in much pain, I pushed for about 45 minutes and then they laid her on my chest. I was just overjoyed until her breathing was slowed so they took her and put an oxygen mask on her.
I immediately started to freak out and part of my placenta got stuck so they had to do a terrible fundal massage all the while I was staring at my daughter freaking out.
Finally, they were done with me and my daughter was fine but they were still cleaning her up and weighing her, etc. After this, they asked if my husband wanted to hold her so they handed her to him for a few minutes.
Then my father walked in to see her as well. My mother was already in the room and had been all night so I allowed her to hold her and my father before they left to go get food. They only held her for MAYBE 2 minutes each.
Then the pediatrician came in and accessed her before handing her back to my husband. After this, my MIL walked in. So naturally she wanted to hold her as well. (Not the problem) The PP nurse came in at the same time and showed me how to do all the aftercare and how to walk.
I and my MIL are NOT close so this was a VULNERABLE moment for me, my butt was hanging out and I could hardly walk (due to the epidural) Once I was done my MIL was still holding the baby (30 mins now) and they started to move me to the PP room and I had to get in the wheelchair while my baby was in the bassinet they wheeled us to the room.
Once we got to the room I told my husband that I wanted to hold my baby (discretely) so I held her for the rest of the time. (I don’t know why this was an issue) A few days later when we got home his mother texted him and said “Your wife is rude and selfish.
She thinks I’m a no good piece of trash because she wouldn’t let me hold the baby”. AITJ for wanting to hold my baby that I had birthed MAYBE 2 hours prior?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t tell her when you’re having your second child until after the baby is born.
Get your husband on board for this plan (I saw in other comments he is on your side and read her the riot act so that’s good). She doesn’t get to come to the hospital when you’re giving birth just because she wants to. Make sure the nurses know not to let her in, just in case.” Trippedwire48
2. AITJ For Wanting My Flatmate To Be More Considerate And Clean?
“I’m not sure what to do, my (28M) and my flatmate (31M) have been living together for a couple of months now and for the most part it’s been great, we are best friends and like similar things, but I’ve started to run into some issues with cleanliness and overall consideration, and I don’t know how to address it without seeming rude or him becoming defensive about it which he tends to do and has done.
A little about me, I have some really bad anxiety with personal technology items and the treatment of them, it’s hard to explain but the best way I can is that I’m terrified of them breaking or becoming damaged in some way. This is relevant for later.
My flatmate doesn’t seem to have any awareness of general cleanliness or even simple housekeeping.
E.g. he cooks food but doesn’t put the extractor fan on so the kitchen smokes up, he doesn’t use hand wash after cooking or I don’t think even after going to the bathroom as he doesn’t have any in his bathroom, he doesn’t seem to know what different cloths are used for like a microfibre cloth as he puts them with the dish sponges meaning they become spoiled and I have to buy more, he doesn’t use anti bacspray after cutting raw chicken, I’ve walked into the kitchen and the fridge and freezer doors have been left open, food is left in the sink and clothes left in the washing machine.
I’ve mentioned a few of these things as a joke or trying to remind him or let him know how to deal with them in a friendly manner but he doesn’t seem to remember after, or even think it’s a big deal and I’m getting to my wit’s end having to either constantly sort all these things out or remind them about them, especially at the moment when my mental health has gone downhill so I’m struggling to cope with the constant need for cleaning and upkeep of my stuff.
There also comes the issue of my anxiety. He doesn’t seem to have any self-awareness of his handling of other people’s items, for example, we were playing on my partner’s game console not long ago and he threw the controller onto the coffee table in annoyance at the game.
There’s also been the issue that I feel like my ideas and wants for our communal space have been overlooked by the fact that he either doesn’t like them or has a lot of stuff of his own.
These issues have made me start feeling self-conscious about having any of my items in the communal space without them being handled poorly, so I’ve started feeling uncomfortable in my living space as I feel like it’s basically his with all his items. I have my record player in the living room which I believe has already become dented somehow and I’m not sure how.
I’m not really sure what to do, I tried to mention it once when we were playing a game of Monopoly and it turned into a slight argument. I asked him if he could wash his hands before we played, as I’ve explained briefly before about my anxiety with cleanliness and handling and he got angry at me.
So yeah I’m not sure what to do any advice would be appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to communicate with him, not in the form of jokes and not in the moment. Arrange a time, out of the flat so neutral territory, and prepare what you want to say.
Then give him space to think about it and respond. You might also need to concede on a few things, what is non-negotiable to you (basic hygiene and not breaking your belongings)? And what is an annoyance but not that deep (leaving his laundry)? Once you’ve done that give it some time and see if anything changes.
You both have a right to be comfortable and relaxed in your own home. Some people make great friends but incompatible flatmates – there are friends of mine I know I couldn’t live with and who would equally hate living with me.” shewenttothewoods
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Fiancé That She Can't Have Children?
“I will try to keep this as simple as possible. My 26M sister Emma 29F was very sick in high school. Her choice was either to pass away young or be able to conceive children. It was a hard decision for her and she doesn’t like to talk about it.
She has been in a relationship with Adam 29M for about 6 years and he is nice. The whole family loves him. He proposed to her last year and they were planning to marry in March next year. But here is the problem, Adam wants children.
He always plays around with our little cousins at family events and talks about what he wants to do and teach his future children. We always thought that they were just going to be adopting so we never brought it up. But since the engagement, I have noticed that he always talks about them as their children, as in biological. I don’t know how to explain it but it didn’t seem like they were going to adopt a child.
After thinking about it for a while I decided to talk with Emma about it. I asked her out and gently brought up the topic. She did seem a bit angry about me mentioning it but she explained to me that Adam treats adoption the same as giving birth and that he is happy all the same.
It sounded believable, but I knew my sister was lying. During the entire conversation, she could not look me in the eye.
After a month I finally decided to talk to Adam. This Sunday we were gathered at my parent’s house for dinner and while everyone was busy and we were alone I asked Adam how the adoption proceedings were going.
Were they going to start now or after they got married? He looked surprised and asked me what I was talking about. I mentioned how he wants many kids so they should probably be starting with the whole process early. He asked me if Emma wanted to adopt a child because they had never talked about it.
Since my parents were coming back I asked him to talk to me later.
Around the end of dinner, I asked him for some help with my phone and led him to the balcony and I was honest with him. I asked him if he knew that Emma couldn’t have children.
At first, he thought I was joking, but when he saw that I was serious he got this dead look on his face. I told him some of the details and said that it would probably be best if he talked with Emma for the full story.
He was quiet for the rest of the evening.
When they got home they got in a major fight. I know that he is currently staying with friends and asked for the ring back but nothing else.
Emma hates me. And our parents are mostly on her side and think that I shouldn’t have said anything.
I thought I was doing the right thing, this is such a huge secret to keep from your future partner, but maybe it really wasn’t my place to say anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emma told you that Adam knew about her infertility. She lied to you just as she lied to Adam, but you can tell her and your parents that you sincerely thought you could broach the subject with him.
Of course, they all know that Emma lied in the first place, to him and you. Her marriage would have gone down the drain after a few years, once the truth came out. The ideal would have been complete honesty on Emma’s part, but your betrayal of her (because I know she will consider it a betrayal) is nothing, compared to her betrayal of Adam.” Napolean
Another User Comments:
“I read through the previous comments and I get both sides of the argument. Yes, indeed, it wasn’t your secret to tell. However your sister has had 6 years of knowing this guy wants a family and is very excited about having a family.
She should have come clean the first time kids came up. For me, lying is the bigger issue here. Lying is never the answer and it was better to have it out now, rather than put this poor guy through a marriage based on lies and a bitter divorce later.
So while everyone but the poor fiancee sucks, I’ll give you an NTJ because you, at least, were honest with the dude while the rest of the family supported the lie.” WanderingGnostic
