People Feel Regret In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Close Friend Won't Rekindle Friendship With My Partner?
“I just graduated college (23M) and I’m living with my partner, Hannah (21F), in an apartment in the city. My close friend, Megan (22F), just moved into the same city as me.
I’m super excited to have one of my closest friends around, most of them moved away, so I thought this was awesome. She invited me to her place, and when I mentioned that she should come over sometime, she said she wanted to talk seriously about Hannah.
So here’s the background for this talk, as far as I know. Megan and Hannah were very good friends instantly at the beginning of college, they did everything together. I met them both after they’d become friends through a mutual friend of theirs. I instantly had a crush on Hannah, though there was a bit of drama in freshman year so we didn’t end up together until the start of sophomore year.
Also through my freshman and sophomore years, I became very close friends with Megan. We had some classes together, spent a lot of time together, and even came up with fun yearly traditions that we’ve continued to this day. She’s easily the person I’m closest to after Hannah.
At one point, I noticed the girls growing apart, and Megan would seem a bit upset if I mentioned Hannah. I didn’t want to pry, so I didn’t really ask about it. In her early junior year, Megan cried to me, saying that Hannah had ghosted her midway through the sophomore year with no explanation.
I was stunned honestly, they’d seemed so close, and now Megan was telling me how Hannah had stopped responding to texts, had practically ignored her at social events where they both attended, had only paid attention to me when we hung out to the point of often cutting Megan off to talk to me (I did notice that last one a bit, but I thought I fixed it by leaving the room more often so they could talk).
I told her I was so sorry she went through that. I talked to Hannah about it later, she admitted she acted badly and sent an apology text to Megan. For the rest of college, Megan shut me down every time I mentioned that she might be talking to Hannah, so I stopped bringing it up.
Fast forward to the present, Megan told me that Hannah had deeply hurt her, and because of that, she was not comfortable being in Hannah’s presence at all, including visiting me at Hannah’s apartment. She said that she understood she would have to occasionally see Hannah if we were friends, but she would not engage beyond being civil, and her goal would always be to minimize contact with Hannah.
Honestly, I got kind of upset when she said that. They’re the two people I’m closest to, and in college, it was such a pain to constantly have to juggle them so they never saw each other. It’s been two years at this point, I figured she’d move past it and forgive Hannah at some point.
I certainly didn’t expect her to say they would never be friends again. I expressed as much to Megan, and she went cold and said she didn’t appreciate me trying to bend her boundaries for my convenience. But I don’t think that’s what I’m doing!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Megan has been clear that Hannah hurt her. It’s great that Hannah apologized but Megan does not have to forgive Hannah nor does she have to be buddy-buddy with her because you’re together. It seems like Megan is giving Hannah what she wants.
Megan does not have to be friends with your partner. Megan is being mature by accepting that you two are together and that she will have to interact with Hannah. She agreed to be civil, but you are expecting them to just go back to how things were.
It’s not. I wouldn’t want to be around someone who treated me like this either. I’d be keeping them at arm’s length. When people show you who they are you should believe them. If you really can’t do things with your friends outside of your partner, then maybe it’s for the best you and Megan aren’t friends anymore either.
She’s not asking you to choose, she’s just asking you to respect the fact she doesn’t want to be close to Hannah. YTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you think two people have to be friends because you want them to. It’s understandable you’d like them to get along and that’s where your role ends.
Their dynamic is not yours to control; you made your point known and if you push it, you will likely burn a bridge with Megan. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 2 years or 10 – if Megan doesn’t want the friendship then she doesn’t” Fairmount1955
Another User Comments:
“I’m guessing there is more to it than you are considering. I’ll take a wild stab here and suggest that when you met both women and developed a crush on Hannah instantly, both women were considering you as a prospect. Hannah won by default due to your immediate infatuation of her and Megan didn’t stand a chance.
You immediately friend-zoned Megan and she accepted it, being the constant third wheel until the point where Hannah tried to freeze Megan out. Megan is within her own right to tell you straight up that she doesn’t want to interact with Hannah unless absolutely unavoidable.
You are all graduated and *there’s no reason to keep trying to force these two women to be friends because it is convenient for you*. It is not convenient for them. YTJ” MercyForNone
19. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize After A Misunderstanding About My Snakes?
“I’m 33f and I’m part of a meetup group that watches and attends geeky events in my city.
Yesterday was a social gathering (general meetup to catch up with everyone in the group at a local pub – I don’t drink but it’s a good time). I turned up and there were a lot of new faces which is normal with this group and some core members who I hadn’t seen in a while – I said my hellos as I walked past the new people and once I got to the core group it’s hugs and just general chit chat (I’ve known the core group for a decade now).
While chatting one of the newer members returns from the bar let’s call her T(toxic) and I get introduced by Gary(group creator) – I say hello and ask what your geekdom conversation was great (from my perspective) we like the same board games, drama, etc. Toxic gets up to get another drink when she leaves Gary asks me how are your snakes (I have two Hognose) – so I state they are okay however I’m worried because the boy is still small when compared to the girl and is really skittish and, to be honest I’m not sure if the girl is a girl because she eats a lot and is just fat and she might be a fat boy I need to look at determining the gender just to confirm.
Apparently Toxic returns while I’m talking sits down (got my back turned to her so did not notice) slams her drinks on the table and apparently stares daggers at me so Gary taps me and states she’s back. And this is the conversation
Me: oh you are back what did you get?
Toxic: so I don’t look like I woman because I’m fat
Me: huh what are you talking about
Toxic: I just heard what you said to Gary (now she’s shouting) why are you fat-shaming me?
Me: okay you need to dial it back because I have no idea what you are talking about.
Gary: she was talking about her snake
Toxic: she doesn’t own snakes
Me: yes I do I also own geckos too
Gary: she wasn’t talking about you
Toxic: (to Gary) Why are you covering for her – she got up fast spilled her drinks on her clothes then walked out. Some of the people on our table followed her.
Me: what just happened?
While trying to figure out everything (by this time Gary has filled me with stories regarding Toxic and how she’s the troublemaker of the group) one of those who went out with Toxic returned and asked what happened – Gary explained and I sat there silently stewing.
Once Gary is done this individual walks out and comes back in a few minutes later and states toxic will like an apology because I hurt her feelings. I said no we are not primary school kids and to be honest she owes me an apology.
Apparently toxic did not like this – sent someone to grab her bag and left.
This morning I woke to messages on the meetup app calling me a transphobe(don’t know where she got that from) shamed(again she’s not a snake) etc. screenshot and sent to Gary
So AITJ for not apologizing to a grown woman for hurting her feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Apologising suggests some element of guilt on your part so there’s absolutely no reason for you to apologise. She obviously has body issues if she hears the word fat and automatically thinks you’re talking about her, although I do wonder what she thought you were going to do to her when you talked about determining the gender of your snake.” RichSignal7022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- she was listening into a conversation that she wasn’t a part of, misunderstood what she heard, and decided to blow up without confirming anything. This seems like a very big attempt at trying to get sympathy from the friend group. She definitely should be the one to apologize to you for making assumptions.
I bet you your two snakes would be much better company than Toxic! Lol” Quietier
Another User Comments:
“I hate attention-seeking people, Jesus fixes it. NTJ girl. You name her toxic for a reason. She knew you were not talking about her the way she acted, the shouting, and dramatic exiting, and sending someone back to get you to apologize for her behavior said it all.
Anyone from that group tries to tell you to be the bigger person tell them when Ms. Toxic is the biggest person stay out of grown folks’ conversation and mind the business that pays. And just not entertain people’s foolishness. Be with a group of people that’s cool to be around.
I mean if she is a troublemaker then you the straw that stirs the drink.” Beautiful_Audience41
18. AITJ For Criticizing My Ex's Sister And Suggesting She Should Go Into Foster Care?
“So me and Everett broke up because of his sister.
She’s insufferable. We’re HS students. His dad is gone from work for weeks at a time, leaving him to look after the house and his little sister. His dad is a pretty messed up guy with booze issues and has been a bad dad since his wife passed away when Ev was 8.
He cooks for her, cleans after her, puts her to bed, gets her to school, makes sure she does her homework, etc. He works and pays his share of the bills.
I liked how he seemed grown up. When the teacher asked our class what being a man meant he gave the only good answer.
He said it means taking care of the people that you love no matter what. It was a very him answer, and everyone would talk about how sweet it was, that this 6 ft guy cared so deeply about his little sister but I quickly learned she was insufferable.
I remember going over to his house one night and it was 10 pm and he had HS and had gotten off of work. She didn’t like the meal he cooked for dinner and wanted to eat something else. He says won’t you just eat it?
Just for tonight? I’m really tired. She says no, I’d rather starve. He relents and makes her a different dish.
I said, “You know, my brother would have laughed in my face if I pulled that.” Well, he wouldn’t be cooking for me in the first place but.
She said, “Is your brother mean? Does he not care about family?” She’s seemed entitled to me, and she’s 12. Your brother doesn’t have to do anything for you.
She would also be too tired when he asked if she wanted to help with laundry, etc. I said she was lazy, and he got defensive and said she was 12 and exhausted from school.
I would tell him she seemed ungrateful, and he said you can’t expect a 12-year-old to be grateful to be looked after, she didn’t ask to be alive. It is really frustrating that he denied all criticism of her, and we got into a big fight about it where I called her spoiled and said she needed to go into foster care if her dad wouldn’t look after her, and he kicked me out and broke up with me.
I could have seen myself marrying him, and he broke it off just like that. To make matters worse he is now seeing his best friend, a total pushover that never criticizes him and dotes on his sister. Ofc.
I started telling everyone under the sun about how horrible his sister was and how entitled & bratty she was.
She was the reason I lost him after all. I definitely got him angry about it a few times. But mostly he just ignored my existence. Well, I just found out his sister had untreated type one diabetes and is being hospitalized for it.
It hit me that might have been the reason she was so bratty, and I don’t know how to feel about it.
I do feel a little bad because I think having a disease like that would suck. But was I wrong? Are her actions justified now because she had diabetes? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s 12. Of course, she’s entitled. But just because she needs someone to look after her and acts like a little jerk doesn’t mean she needs to go into foster care.
Your ex is doing everything he can so that doesn’t happen because he loves his sister and he doesn’t want her to grow up too fast like he had to. It doesn’t matter that she has diabetes or that she’s actually a jerk, your ex broke up with you because of you and your comments towards his sister, but he didn’t break up with you because of her.
You need to grow up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Young or not, you should know better. They lost their mother and their father is absent as ever. Is the 12-year-old supposed to take care of herself completely? Obviously she looks to her brother, who has no qualms about taking care of her.
If it’s one thing this has taught you, it should be to mind your own business, unless a person asks you for your opinion. YOU ruined your own relationship – stop trying to put the blame on a child.” corrieneum
17. AITJ For Defending My Minority Status During A Conversation With Friends?
“On to the story: I went bowling with 3 of my friends yesterday and we were drinking. We have plans to go tubing tomorrow and my friend Mike (fake name) made the joke that he’d have to bathe in a vat of sunscreen to prepare.
We laughed at that and then I told them that growing up I never wore sunscreen because I thought it was only for people that burned. When I said that Shiloh (fake name) side-eyed me and said she thought the same growing up. Mike asked me what I was again and when I told him he asked where Tunisia was.
He said he’d never even heard of it and I laughed and said “Yeah I’m THE minority, one of a kind. “ The following conversation went along the lines of:
S: You’re not a minority
Me: How many Tunisians do you know?
S: Just you but that doesn’t make you a minority you look white and you’re part white
M: So the entire light-skinned community is white? I must have missed the memo
S: No they’re black. You’re not black.
Me: I never claimed to be
S: So stop saying you’re a minority because you’re not. You don’t know what it’s like to face discrimination based on your skin color.
Me: Are you not doing it to me right now?
S: I can’t discriminate against you because I’m black and you have light skin. It doesn’t work that way.
Me: So are you suggesting that I’m superior to you because my skin is lighter?
Because that’s wrong. You have just as much power to discriminate against me as I have against you. Do I look like I’m the same race as Mike? (I put my arm next to his) No. I’m not black, I don’t speak Spanish so I don’t fit in with Mexicans I just don’t fit in with any community and THAT’s what makes me a minority.
Have you ever been told you were “fast” for having hips or been told that your hair isn’t professional just because it’s curly? Because I have to. Yes I’m sure I experience far less discrimination than a more melanated person and I’ll never claim otherwise.
However you get it from one side and I get it from both. You facing what you doesn’t make it ok for you to dish the same out. What gives you the right?
S: You don’t know what it’s like to be black in America and come from slaves.
Your experiences aren’t as bad as ours of course you’ll be excluded.
Me: If you want to play the oppression Olympics I’m going to win every time. Do you think that black people were the only slaves? My “people” on my grandpa’s side were slaves far longer than yours and they fled to America to escape that.
The only reason I exist is because my mom’s family were refugees. I grew up in a way worse area than you did. At the end of the day, it’s possible for us to both have our individual struggles and for them both to be valid.
She called me a jerk and walked out. One friend says I’m in the right and my Mike said I was a jerk for not just apologizing and dropping it. I feel justified but I’m coming here for some unbiased opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your friends sound chronically online. Minority literally means a small number, so Tunisian mixed with Mexican and white is literally a tiny portion of the population, hence minority. A minority can also be marginalized or discriminated but not necessarily. There are better ways to handle situations like that, playing oppression Olympics is never the way to go (it’s just silly), but it doesn’t make you the jerk.” sassybirb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I hate when people say that black people can’t be racist towards light-skinned people and white people. It’s a nonsense excuse that allows them to get away with their own prejudices and bigotry.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but having worked for the Census you might technically be more “white” than you think.
“Mexican” is a nationality, not a race. Unless you had indigenous heritage or black African descent, you were considered “white Hispanic”. Egyptians and Iranians were considered white IIRC. I mean, my Guatemalan abuela is white.” Ekim_Uhciar
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Unemployed Cousin Stay In My Apartment?
“I (25F) have a cousin called “Simon”.
Simon is my first cousin on my father’s side, I know about my father, but he hasn’t been in my life. He’s a deadbeat father. Most of the people on my father’s side don’t work and refuse to work. They rely on benefits to make ends meet and do nothing but smoke and drink.
From his side, I know three people work, and only one works part-time. My father’s side of the family constantly asks to borrow money from each other, and they even ask me; I have it, but I always say no and send them a link to local charities in their area.
I am a university graduate; the second one in my family, my oldest sister graduated as well. I have two jobs by choice. The first is a full-time job from Monday to Friday, 9 to 5. It pays well and is remote, so I’m only in the office one day a week.
The second job is I’m a reserve officer in the British army and I’ve recently passed out and am due to go away for six months and can’t wait. I love both jobs; sometimes, I will have to work overtime on my first job, such as doing a 12-hour shift instead of 8, so I’ll try and have at least one day of work.
I also live on my own in a two-bedroom apartment.
Simon got evicted from his one-bedroom council flat for not paying his rent arrears, and the board has found him to be “purposefully homeless” – the terminology they use has gone out of my head, so I can’t remember the actual term.
Simon has been sofa surfing between family on their dad’s side for the last three months. I don’t know how but Simon found out I rent a two-bedroom apartment in central London. After explaining his situation, Simon messaged me out of the blue and asked if he could stay with me for a few months to get back on his feet.
I sent him a message explaining I’m sorry for his current situation but the second bedroom is my office, and I work from home, so I’m in there most of the day. I also explained that I was leaving soon with the army and couldn’t let him stay.
Simon replied and I could tell that he was mad. I said I apologize, but I can’t have you at my apartment. I gave him a few reasons: there is security in the building and they’re strict on who they’ll let in. Simon was mad as I started getting messages from some family.
Immediately all my family told me I was a jerk and a jerk because I refused to help out family members and I don’t lend money; I don’t because I know I won’t get it back. I explained my side of the story to family members, and only some apologized and said I was not being a jerk.
The others were still adamant that I was being a jerk for refusing to help a family member.
I feel like a jerk because I refuse to be a family member. However, my family on my dad’s side only bother contacting me when they need a favor, even though they know it will be no. I could let him stay temporarily, but I prefer not to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t you just block those people? They don’t add anything to your life but headaches. Please make security and management aware that you will be gone and you strictly want no visitors and no one who inquires to know which apartment you live in.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although I think the mistake you made is to explain too much. People like this take that as an invitation to try to negotiate and argue each specific reason, it’s exhausting and they will spin it as you making excuses. For anyone telling you you are a jerk, offer to forward their details to Simon so he can come to stay with them since they feel family should be helping him.
And if he (or others) ask again, then keep it short – “Sorry, that won’t be possible” “or Sorry, I’m afraid there’s no space available” If they push or ask again, stick to those “Sorry, like I said, it’s just not possible” “I don’t have any available space”” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and let the relatives know that are giving you a hard time and that you will gladly hand out their address to Simon so he could stay with them. IF they argue that it is your responsibility, tell them no. Since they volunteered their unneeded opinions, it became their responsibility.” Icy_Eye1059
15. AITJ For Getting A Child And His Mom's Fishing Licenses Nullified After He Hooked My Leg?
“I, 19F, was cycling back from the gym I frequent during the summer. Over the summer holidays, I stay with my parents in rural England.
The cycling route home goes along this long lake/river, which has a dedicated biking road around it. In summer, there also tend to be a lot of people fishing.
About a month ago, I was cycling slowly along the path looking at the beautiful landscape in the morning.
As usual, people are fishing. I was having a grand old time until I felt a sharp sting in my leg which turned to an instant stabbing pain. I stop my bike, look down and there is a fly fishing hook in my leg pulling at my skin, with blood gushing down.
I scream at the pain, look up and a 15-year-old boy is holding the rod staring at me. (For reference, in fly fishing you whip your rod back and then toss it as far as possible, so this must have happened as he tossed the rod backward) This boy starts laughing and I am trying to pull out this hook.
I scream “WHAT THE HECK” repeatedly as I rip the hook out. His mom, whom he was fishing with, in response just glances behind and doesn’t give a single care. I call my dad panicked, saying “This knobhead (British for jerk) child just got his fishing hook in my leg and I am bleeding out”, he told me to an ambulance, then call him back, and as he would be right there.
Mom did react to this. She started shouting at me “Don’t call my son a jerk! That is such inappropriate language to use around my son”, halfway through her rant I called my dad back and he asked me what was going on, so I answered “Sorry Dad, got it wrong, some child of a jerk mother lodged a FISHING HOOK into MY LEG” Ambulance arrives to treat the wound on-site, I had to get tetanus shots at his hook was rusted, luckily no major nerves or veins were severed. Despite this, this mother was still yapping on about what I said, until my dad arrived and told her to stop.
I admit I said it in a moment of extreme frustration and pain, but what kind of mom ignores their child throwing a hook into someone’s leg?
After we got their details, I looked up the rules for the area on fishing, knowing you need a license to fish in this area (which costs about £25 for an adult for a month) and that certain styles of fishing are forbidden, such as fly fishing, due to cyclists and pedestrians nearby.
I filed a complaint and got the mom and her son’s licenses nullified, as well as getting them banned from the lake. My dad received an angry phone call from the woman saying “We ruined their holiday”. He thinks I should have just moved on and not gotten their licenses nullified, calling me a jerk.
I disagree, that I was protecting other cyclists from harm. So, AITJ? FYI – before anyone asks, no this child had no history of mental health issues, he had never behaved like this. We got their insurance to pay for everything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they not only failed to follow the rules but laughed when it actively caused someone else harm they needed to learn a lesson or they’d do it again and to someone who can’t afford a rusty fishing hook medically” Lonespartan320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She provoked this by being so entitled and rude instead of being concerned. She herself should have called the ambulance immediately. She and her brat are a danger to the community. I’ll bet they’re at the lake despite being banned, too.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m stuck wondering what insurance has to do with anything. Healthcare is free so did they cause some damage to your bike or clothes? What insurance would they have that would compensate for it, holiday insurance?” Lonelylintu
14. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Her Insults Towards My Relationship?
“My sister Destiny (23f) and I (19f) have always had a strained relationship, it got worse when we got older. Destiny and I live with our parents, she had to move back in with her two kids (2m and 1f).
I’ve been in a relationship with my partner Lilly for almost two years.
Destiny always judges my relationship with Lilly saying we didn’t like each other, we weren’t compatible, and our relationship was doomed to fail. I have always shut that down and told her she needed to respect my partner because she is staying around and my parents have told her to knock it off and apologize to us both each time she says something.
She says we don’t like each other because we don’t show much PDA, and we don’t like the same food or movies, dumb stuff like that. Lilly and I have a bunch of things in common and some differences but it never caused problems before.
This happened during a cookout. I went to help my mom in the kitchen when we heard yelling from outside. When Mom and I went outside Lilly was crying and Drew’s partner Maddy was yelling at Destiny asking her how could she say that so I asked what was going on while comforting Lilly.
Apparently, Lilly was telling Maddy about our first date which was us binge-watching a bunch of horror movies and snacking throughout the night. Then Maddy told her about Drew and her first date which was dinner at a fancy restaurant.
Then Destiny stormed over to Lilly and told her that our first date was stupid and anyone could do that and it didn’t mean anything because I had better dates.
That Lilly didn’t matter to me, that I’ll be unfaithful, I’ll leave her eventually. After I got the story from everyone I saw red. Now there is a reason why Destiny moved back home. She asked her baby daddy/fiance to open her side of the relationship or she’d leave him.
So her ex packed up her stuff and dropped her at our parent’s house.
The next day her ex let’s call him Ken decided to sit down with her and our parents to tell her that they could trade the kids off every other week or go to court.
Ever since then, she’s been trying to make me miserable. So in the heat of the moment, I said “It’s funny how you can talk about Lilly and me but you ruined your family because you wanted to be unfaithful. It’s not my fault or anyone’s fault that you decided to ruin and hurt a man who loves you, provided for you, was there for you at your lowest, and loved your kids better than anyone could.
You ruined your kid’s family life for your own selfish reasons”.
She then ran to her room, now when she came out she didn’t say anything, got what she needed, and went back to her room. Mom and Dad are on my side but Drew and a few friends are calling me a jerk because she’s still healing.
I don’t think I’m wrong because she hurt the person I love. Lilly is okay now and is happy I stood up for her.
So am I the jerk for what I said to my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She obviously doesn’t respect you or your partner.
Your brother’s statement that you shouldn’t have said that because she is still healing doesn’t really have much merit because the only reason she lost her fiance in the first place is because of her own selfishness. You were standing up for your partner after your sister was told multiple times to stop.
She is miserable, so she is trying to bring others down with her Stand your ground and don’t let others cause you to doubt yourself” Billros23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it was a pretty nasty dig at her, but it sounds like someone needed to put her in her place.
You just happened to be the one who had the balls to do it and not tiptoe around her. Kudos for sticking up for yourself and your partner, too.” levelfortysix
Another User Comments:
“You sound a bit close-minded, calling open/nonmonogamous relationships “being unfaithful”, but it seems like your sister had behaved poorly enough that she got to you and maybe made you act inappropriately.
If she didn’t sound like a homophobe I’d be perfectly comfortable calling this E sh, but it’s a very slim NTJ I think” Kitastrophe8503
13. AITJ For Calling My Partner A Sociopath For Giving Away Her Cat?
“So my partner had this adorable little ragdoll she got from her parents a couple of years ago and she seemed to love him to bits, she’d always say “that’s my bestie right there, I love him” every time he’d go in for pets and cuddles.
Before we started seeing each other, I didn’t even really like cats but I became fond of him. But recently he’s been having some behavioral issues, peeing on her rug and stuff she spent months trying to figure out what’s wrong. I said it’s because he’s not spayed and there are other stray cats in the area so he is marking his territory.
I offered to pay for her to have him spayed because despite her patience I could tell she was getting irritated she’s very sensitive to smell so the peeing thing was driving her nuts.
But I thought it would be all sorted out once he was spayed.
So imagine my shock when I turned up at her place to see the cat and his things (litter box, cat tree, etc) were gone. I questioned her and without hesitation or remorse, she just said “I gave him away” I thought she was joking because of how matter-of-fact she was about it like she gave away her leftovers.
But once I realized she wasn’t joking I got mad at her how could she be so heartless and unattached I thought she loved him and she just got rid of him. (I’ll be honest it felt like if she could do that to her cat she could do that to me so I was arguing with passion for this little cat).
She said “She can’t stand how unhygienic pets are” and she will never own an indoor pet again.
She explains to me that she’s “not particularly sentimental” and that she “lost interest in taking care of something that can’t even be grateful enough not to pee on my rug” (her words not mine).
I told her she could’ve solved it but she brushed me off. After some time the argument fizzles out but I’m still annoyed about it in the back of my mind so I attempt to bring it up again. She wants none of it and just tells me to leave and to “hit her up when I feel better” I text her that she’s a sociopath and tells me to stop “being such a girl and a jerk, it’s just a cat” I haven’t really texted her since, thinking she would text me to explain/apologize… it’s been a bit over a week.
Am I going crazy…I don’t think I was a jerk her reaction was unsettling and of course, I’m mad I offered to solve a problem for her and she refused to take it, and got rid of her “bestie” instead.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I took in a feral cat and turned her into the biggest, most loving, lap cat in existence. She got me through becoming disabled. She smothered me, but she was still afraid of visitors. Early into seeing my now husband, we noticed my cat sneaking a peek at him.
He proceeded to get on the floor to coax her to visit. I told him to not look directly at her, and to leave his arm extended towards her if he really wanted to try, but I let him know he didn’t have to. This amazing man proceeded to lay there for over 30 minutes, patiently waiting.
My cat eventually came to inspect him, and even let him pet her chest a bit. Once she left, he sat up with the biggest smile, thrilled to have been trusted. My heart melted at his patience, compassion, and genuine joy. At that moment, I knew he had a heart worth cherishing.
Your partner tossed aside a living creature without putting any effort into fixing the issue. Since she hasn’t called, she’s tossed you aside just as coldly. Given how she treated the cat, and verbally belittled you, she did you a favor by showing you her true character.
You deserve someone who will cherish your wonderful heart, too.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s impossible to correctly diagnose someone from these few details, but the lack of any emotional connection to the cat is definitely troublesome at the least. Between that and her pretty cold reaction to your reaction, I’d be rethinking a LOT about the relationship.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“There are two types of people in the world, ones who would do anything for their pets and ones who discard them like clothes. I’m figuring you’re in column A and she’s in column B. As a member also of column A, I couldn’t really even be friends with a column B person, let alone partner, to my mind they have a flawed personality.
NTJ.” me_version_2
12. AITJ For Asking My Stepmom To Notify Me Before Entering My Room?
“Some months ago my mom and I (19F) had some differences which led to me moving with my dad (54M) (they’re divorced). My dad (54M) got remarried to my stepmom (5?F) some years ago now and they have a child. My stepmom and I haven’t really gotten along all throughout this process.
We’re cordial towards each other but are very different people. Furthermore, she tends to be very confrontational whilst I have anxiety and PTSD, which doesn’t help either.
Today, I made a mistake. I had an early morning commitment and didn’t have time for breakfast, so when I came back home I was hungry.
I quickly changed clothes and went on to eat. We’re on vacation and staying in a place where both my little brother and I have our own separate rooms. I didn’t see a big deal with leaving my pants on the floor whilst I ate something, but when she saw them she told me to pick them up, which I went on to do.
When I came back, I finally gathered the courage to ask my stepmom for something (I have BIG trouble asking for anything, even the slightest of things, and it’s even harder when I’m addressing her). I asked her if she could please avoid entering my room without notifying me since I’m a pretty private person and would really appreciate it.
She immediately got defensive telling me how this was her house and she would enter my room if she desired to. I responded that I of course understand that, and just wanted a warning in case I had something in sight that I wanted to keep private.
She kept on escalating the argument whilst my dad just sat there quietly. I tried to calmly explain to her that privacy is a basic human right and that I just wanted her to notify me if she was going to be entering my room.
She kept on getting more agitated which finally triggered my anxiety and I snapped. I understand my mistake since I yelled at her that I value my privacy and it is a basic human right, which just led to her getting more aggressive. My anxiety finally overpowered me and I got overwhelmed and just went into my room.
Now, I understand that she paid for this place (along with my dad), but I don’t feel as though I’m asking for something crazy. I get that she wants to come into my room and that I don’t always keep it impolite, that’s why I told her that of course she is free to come in and tell me to tidy it up, I just want to be notified first. Now, people of the internet, am I being the jerk?
I want to thank every one of you who read this whole post and/or commented. Sorry for making it so long!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ask your dad if you are a loved family member or an unwelcome guest. If the answer is loved family member then you need to tell him that respect is a key part of love and you aren’t getting any respect.
If the answer is unwelcome guest then move out and never talk to him again.” naraic-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your dad and your stepmom are though. Your Dad is supposed to be the bridge between the two of you and he flopped here. It sounds like You very politely and maturely requested a very basic courtesy.
You didn’t try to forbid her from your space, (if you’re not paying rent that’s a much bigger ask) you just asked for communication. I am curious if she tries to parent you in other ways. You need to talk to your Dad.
Without her there. Arguing that privacy is a basic human right may not get the outcome you want. Arguing that you are happy to be respectful and courteous of your stepmother and that you expect to be treated in kind might be a better strategy to employ.
(It’s not about being right, you are right, it’s about getting what you want, which is a peaceful home you can both be comfortable in.) An apology for snapping might be in order but it is completely understandable why you blew up. Just leave before that happens next time so people can’t use it against you.” IceBlueDragon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, her house her rules. It’s unfortunate because privacy is a basic human need and she isn’t showing you respect. It’s her showing dominance over you because it’s not hard to knock first. I wouldn’t want you to walk into a 19-year-old room without knocking.
You’re going to have to make arrangements to begin the phase of your life where you move away from your parents.” Skizzybee
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Abusive Stepmother At My Wedding?
“As soon as I got engaged and told my family my wedding plans, I told my dad I didn’t want his wife to come.
Back story, my dad has been married to his wife for 25+ years and she has been a good wife to him. She has always supported him. Taking care of him helped him with his campaign and win his elections for over 12 years. She is a good mother to her children and she and my dad even bought them their first house.
But when it comes to me, totally different story. Whenever we had political parties or events she always introduced me as their “foster daughter” She wouldn’t allow me to sleep in a bedroom because her daughters were much older than me and needed their privacy.
I slept on the couch from age 8 to 14. I always had to clean up before and after big parties and help her prepare the food. She threw away all of my baby pics and videos because my grandmother told her that my baby pics belonged with the family photos not just her kids’ pics.
She trashed my school awards because my dad compared me to her daughters and said I was smarter.
One year I threw her older daughter’s jewelry box and phone in the pool and got into an argument after she called me and my bio mom a hobo and welfare trash.
My SM told me I couldn’t have any presents under the Christmas tree that year. Two days before my 16th bday she told me my dad wasn’t my bio dad and he only kept me because he pitied me. I was devastated. She has done much more for me.
Over the years I have voiced my trauma to my dad and his wife and she never apologized, even told me she was just showing me tough love. I have no love for her at all. I have mended things with my dad and naturally, I wanted him to walk me down the aisle (bio dad or not he raised me and gave me his last name since birth) but he insisted I invite his wife and her daughters to come.
Both of her daughters had a large wedding and plenty of gatherings I wasn’t invited to, not that I care but just putting color to the fact that I don’t have a relationship with them. I told him many times absolutely not they are not invited and I am not paying $200 a head for them..forget that.
My dad told me if I couldn’t get over my childhood and be the bigger person for him then he couldn’t come to my wedding. We started to argue and I told him she doesn’t even acknowledge anything she did to me and has never even tried to make amends with me.
Numerous times I have told her about how what she did when I was a child affected me and she laughed saying “You are being dramatic I was a good mother to you because you didn’t have one”. My dad wouldn’t listen to me and said either his wife would accompany him or he couldn’t come.
I said in anger that’s fine, not like you’ll be missed anyway. I still want him to be there but I feel strongly against his wife coming. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m shocked you’ve mended things with your father. His inaction in protecting you through your life was actually the same as choosing sides against you, and that would be tough to forgive.
Hold firm by keeping that woman away from you both on your wedding and for life. If your father continues to choose her, you’ll know you haven’t lost much. Consider their absence a gift. NTJ” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t mean this in a cruel way, but it sounds like choosing your stepmother over you is not a new thing for him.
He enabled her abuse for years and is not willing to see how having your abuser at your wedding would be traumatic for you. If you do want him there, I hope he comes around and shows up, but I would not relent on his unreasonable demand.
It sounds like this woman still has no respect for you and it’s not outside of the bounds of reason to believe she could misbehave at the wedding.” B0xyPandora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I might be wrong but it sounds like your dad was unfaithful to your stepmom with your mom and then they took custody of you?
That’s a hard thing for your stepmom to do but if she couldn’t do it well (and she definitely didn’t) then she shouldn’t have done it and left him instead. If that’s not the case then still NTJ, that lady is psycho.” wannabyte
10. AITJ For Accidentally Causing A Child To Be Teased Over A Comment I Made?
“I (34m) have been in a relationship with my partner, John (37m) for 15 years.
We’re not married but he’s basically part of my family. He goes to everything with me and my nieces call him Uncle John.
My oldest niece, Nina (7f), and I have always been super close. We lived with her parents (my sister and BIL), for a year and a half starting when Nina was 2, and we bonded a lot during that time.
I was always willing to play her games, do stuff with dolls, and dress up and all that. I would sing to her at night and I sort of became her go-to person when her parents needed help with her.
She turned 7 last weekend, and my sister asked to have her spend the night at my place while she got things ready for the princess-themed birthday party she was throwing.
When I went to pick Nina up, she was acting kind of weird but wouldn’t say why at first. My sister said she’d been like that all day but she didn’t know why. She figured a night with her uncles would cheer her up.
I took Nina to my and John’s apartment and she ran to our guest room and wouldn’t come out. I gave her a minute but finally went in there and told her to tell me what was up.
She cried while telling me that her friend, Tabitha (6f) told her that John and I were going to a bad place and that she would end up going there too if she kept hanging out with me.
She didn’t really understand what all that meant, just that it seemed really bad and that Tabitha told her it was because we’re bad people. My sister and BIL aren’t religious at all, so I know she didn’t get this from them.
I tried my best to explain in an age-appropriate way that the bad place is just an idea that older people use to scare kids into behaving. And that all she has to worry about is being a nice person and that she didn’t have to worry about that stuff.
I also said that she’s known me her whole life and Tabitha didn’t, and all the people she loves and trusts don’t think that’s true, so she didn’t need to either. I ended it by offhandedly saying, in an attempt to make her laugh, “Who cares what a little nose-picker like her says anyway.”
Nina perked right up after that and we had a fun night. I took her to get her princess hair done the next day and dropped her off at my sister’s for the party.
I got a call Sunday morning from my sister. Tabitha’s father is apoplectic with rage because apparently Nina told a few of the girls at the party that Tabitha is a nose picker.
Some of the girls were teasing her about it, though from what I can gather Nina was not one of them. Apparently Tabitha’s dad is looking for a fight. When I told my sister my side, she cooled down a bit and said she would talk to Nina.
My BIL was in tears from laughing so hard about it.
That said, I do feel badly that Tabitha ended up being made fun of because of her parent’s horrible opinions. That’s not really her fault.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ oh my goodness no. I hate that that’s happening to her so young.
At all actually, god I’m so sorry. Shoot I didn’t finish reading before this. The nose-picking comment was innocent, you & your niece’s parents just need to give her a talk about not repeating everything she hears. She is 6 years old! So many kids repeat cuss words in school that their parents have said, you guys just need to teach her that that’s not okay.
You said it with good intentions, you are not a jerk. Just apologize and own up to the fact that that was not a nice thing to say and you made a mistake. It also would be good to have the niece write a letter or something to Tabitha apologizing, she shouldn’t have stooped to her level.” DryContract8916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you missed a teachable moment. Your niece will have to deal with people like this because well, they exist. It sucks that she had to deal with it as young as 6 but it’s going to keep happening. The better approach would have been to tell her that some people have too much hate in their hearts to accept it when other people have relationships that don’t fit the norm.
That loving someone never makes you a bad person or makes you go to a bad place, but unfortunately, that’s what some kids are told to believe.” the_harlinator
9. AITJ For Calling My Wife Rude And Inconsiderate For Making Me Late For Work?
“I (36M) am an IT Field Tech and work M-F 8 am-4 pm. Since I work in the field, I have to drive to the customer’s location which can be as much as 2.5 hours away. My wife (36F) works part-time from home 3 days a week and stays at home with our 15-month-old daughter the other 2 days.
My wife is not a morning person, so I am the one who takes care of the baby in the morning. On days my wife works, I take the baby to daycare, and then I get ready and start my workday by 8 am. She stays in bed until she starts her workday which varies from 9 to 10 AM.
The two days a week that she stays home with the baby, she makes me late every time. I have asked her to be downstairs to take care of the baby by 7:45 AM so I can get ready for work and eat breakfast. She consistently comes downstairs after 8 AM.
Sometimes I will even come upstairs with the baby, put her down in bed with mom, and leave for work late and skip breakfast. My boss is pretty chill, so as long as I put in an 8-hour day, I’m not getting written up or anything.
The problem is the domino effect that happens when I start late. 1. I’m more irritable because I feel rushed. 2. I usually pick up breakfast in a drive-through, which takes up more time, and money, and isn’t as good/healthy. 3. I get stuck in horrible 5 o’clock traffic at the end of the day so I may not get home until 530 to 6 PM.
I’ve explained all of these things to my wife and she has excuse after excuse and tells me all the things that I should be doing differently so I don’t have this problem. I should “Wake up before the baby is up, so you can get ready and eat breakfast”.
(Baby is already up before 7 am)
Today I was frustrated because the site I’m working at is 2.5 hours away and the work I need to do is extensive, and my wife knew all of this yesterday. Anticipating that she would be late, I actually woke up before the baby today and got ready for work.
It’s 7:55 AM and I don’t hear any movement upstairs, so I’m sure my wife is still in bed. I go upstairs with the baby and I’m planning on leaving her in bed with my wife, but she pops out of bed just as we get to the bedroom.
She gets an attitude with me and says “Why are you here with the baby? I am up. Don’t leave her up here with me. Can you just give me a minute to pee and I’ll be downstairs?” I told her “This is not okay and that just because my workday starts at 8 AM doesn’t mean that she just needs to be downstairs by 8 AM.” She said I was being dramatic, and that it was not that big of a deal since I was already dressed for work.
I didn’t say anything else and went back downstairs with the baby and waited for her. She was downstairs a few minutes after 8 AM and told me she didn’t appreciate the attitude from me. I said she was rude and inconsiderate and left for work.
AITJ for saying my wife is rude and inconsiderate by making me late for work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am not a morning person, in fact, it takes me forever to “wake up” once I am awake. I’ve been like this since I can remember.
My mom told me I was a night owl and not a morning person even as an infant. HOWEVER, guess what I did once I had a kid? Got up with my child. Guess, what I did when I got a great job but the start time was 7:30 am?
Got my backside up at 5 am (with an attitude) in order to work out, get dressed, and make sure my kid was dressed for daycare (I got her hair done and her dressed, left for work, and then hubby would take her to daycare since he started work later).
She *IS* being rude, inconsiderate, and selfish.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I am also not a morning person, but this is rude and disrespectful of your time and your job. It sounds like on the days she stays home and doesn’t work, she should wake up with the baby and you should just focus on getting to work.” champagneformyrealfr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree that your wife is rude and inconsiderate. Here are a couple of suggestions. 1. you wake your wife and put the baby in bed with her. Tell her that you don’t have time to take care of the baby or you will be late.
2. Wake up your wife, put the baby in a Pack N’ Play in your room, and tell her you don’t have time to tend to the baby. This will force her to take responsibility. 3. Take your wife’s phone, set the alarm for a certain hour, and put the phone out of her reach.
That way, she is forced to get up. She should be getting up with you. Her making you late is nonsense. Tell her you don’t appreciate her lack of time management skills and her selfishness.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Asking My Vegan Partner If He Wants To Stay Vegan At My Family Events?
“I 24F have been seeing (let’s call him) Sam (27M) for a few months now. Sam is vegan, and I’ve never had a problem with that.
Veganism, as far as I’m concerned, is good for the environment and a personal choice – I’m not vegan but have in the past had a vegetarian diet for these reasons. Veganism has never been a point of contention between us.
The issue comes with visiting my parents.
My parents like to put on dinner parties and invite Sam and me to them. Due to my mum’s love of dinner parties, she’ll make a starter, main course, dessert, and even some snacks beforehand, pulling out all the stops. Because Sam is my partner and I don’t want to give her any more work than is necessary for one of these parties, I’ll visit my parents before the party, cook a full vegan meal (starter, main course, dessert, finger foods) for Sam before he and the other guests arrive.
I’ve put a lot of effort into making great and varied meals for him. I will keep finding new impressive dishes to make Sam and eat them too, so he’s not alone in enjoying the meal. I am a good cook. I have friends who ask me all the time to make them specific dishes for their parties, and I’ve been in the kitchen for as long as I can remember so whatever I make is a nice meal.
We’ve done this at least five times now. Every time there’s a party, however, Sam will fill half his plate with the vegan food I’ve made, before asking my mum if it’s okay if he tries what she’s made too. I, at first, thought this was politeness.
He’s vegan and doesn’t eat anything non-vegan otherwise as far as I know. My mum is a great cook and so he likes whatever it is that she’s made, and will continue eating it side by side with my food.
I eventually did say to him he shouldn’t feel the need to eat my mum’s cooking as it’s not vegan and he says he likes her food and wants to keep eating it.
Throughout these parties, he’s eating less of whatever I’ve gone through a considerable amount of effort to make and more of what my mum has made which has begun to hurt my feelings as I’m trying to accommodate him, and it seems sort of pointless.
So I asked Sam if he wanted to be vegan around my parents at all. It would save me time, money, and effort if he really just loved my mum’s food. I wouldn’t mind, he’s eating it anyway, and it would remove some stress from my life not to have to rush to get to my parents and make a second three-course meal for him if it wasn’t going to be enjoyed. He said that I should keep making his food for him because he does enjoy having the variety.
I said that variety wasn’t really enough of a reason to put that much effort into these foods when the purpose isn’t for variety, it’s so he doesn’t have to eat anything non-vegan. He’s upset at me for suggesting I stop making him vegan food for these events because then he’d feel excluded.
So AITJ for asking if my partner wants to be vegan around my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So he’s eating your mother’s nonvegan food… doesn’t that mean he’s *not* vegan? And if he’s OK eating your mother’s nonvegan food, that means there *is* food he can eat, and he’s not being excluded. He doesn’t need his own special food made if he’s down he’s more than willing to eat the food that’s already there.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Next time get him a pack of Oreos. Also, is everything your mom makes non-vegan? Is there not even a salad without meat, eggs, or dairy? I get you’re big on cooking and hospitality but just don’t get why you’d need to make four courses for him.
One vegan dish plus whatever veggie sides are around sounds more than enough. (I’ve been on a vegetarian diet and if the food was shared I just ate whatever was available, not make someone cook especially for me)” Dairinn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your partner is, and quite entitled. It was extremely nice and generous of you to create a whole separate meal for him.
But the fact that when he visits your parents he is no longer vegan means you don’t need to do that anymore. He just wants to feel special by having all the options, and food specifically for him and no one else. He can cook his own food if he wants variety.” KelsierIV
7. AITJ For Being Upset With My Uncle For Not Letting My Parents Stay At His Place After My Party?
“I have an uncle from my mom’s side. He and my grandparents live in a different city than me and my parents. My grandparents own a really big house (the one that mom and uncle grew up in) on the outskirts of the city, you need a car to get from the city to their place.
I asked them if I could celebrate my birthday at their house with family and friends. They agreed. It’s relevant to say I’ve thrown overnight parties with my friends at their house before and they were totally cool with it. I told my parents I’d like to celebrate with everyone in the afternoon and when the night comes, the parents leave and we the youngsters (including my cousins) stay overnight at the grandparents’ house with grandparents.
Again, my uncle lives in the city but stays in his partner’s apartment. My mom asked them to take her and dad for the night so they could come to my grandparents’ in the morning to help with necessities. My uncle refused. I have no idea why, I don’t think it’s such a big deal. It’s only one night.
He’s done harder things for me and our family in the past, like managing work around so he could take me from my grandparents to the city I live in and come back.
Now Mom suspects his partner being the one who disagreed, especially since it’s HER apartment.
I honestly don’t know why, because we’re very close all the time we’re together. She joined our family like 5 years ago and we’ve all been nice to her. And likewise.
My parents now have two other options: to stay overnight at the party, which I’d rather not, and neither of them as they don’t want to spend the night with their daughter’s 20 y/o friends.
(My grandparents’ room is somehow separated from the part of the house we’re partying in, but my parents would have to stay with us) or the second option: to drive back home. No one is eager to drive 70km after a party in the night to get home.
Not to mention that one of my parents won’t be able to consume booze at all (my country’s law doesn’t allow any booze consumption before driving)
I got somehow mad at my uncle but manifested it by giving him the cold shoulder. He tried to crack some jokes with me, but I flatly told him to stop with all this friendly behavior and that I think it’s outrageous not to take my parents in for one night.
As in just for sleeping. Not even dinner or breakfast. He told me it can’t always be my way, but I told him he’s the one who always says family is the most important and we should have each other’s backs. Not to mention the times he stayed overnight at our place…
He told me I have to stop acting like a kid and understand sometimes things don’t go our way. I don’t believe I’m acting entitled or anything, it’s not like I expected him to just take my parents in for a night without problems, only I don’t see any obvious reason to refuse.
And if there’s one, we’re talking about first-grade family, why can’t they tell us? I don’t want to rely on people who can’t help me with the little stuff, save the important ones”
Another User Comments:
“Are there no hotel rooms in the city? Yanno, it doesn’t matter.
It is not your uncle’s apartment. No one is entitled to use her apartment as if it were an extra bedroom at your Grandparent’s house. That is an obvious reason. So go ahead and pout and give your uncle a cold shoulder because YTJ.” Narrow-Initiative-80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No one is entitled to let anyone stay at your house. Hosting people is draining. What if his partner didn’t want to clean, or have her period and didn’t want to be bothered? There’s a problem when one parent can’t even drink for one party.
They need to take themselves home. At 60 mph it will only take max 40 minutes. To get home. Leave early?” plantlover415
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you are angry because your uncle didn’t help you. Would it be nice if he did? Of course. Though he doesn’t have to.
For whatever reason it is. He doesn’t have to help you with providing a night to your parents so you can party. He could have any reason under the sun. He could be having problems with the partner, he could be in some way sick, he and the partner could be getting it on, a partner might just not like others overnight and if it is her apartment he gets no say.
Then maybe he just didn’t feel up to it this time. Sucks to be you but you don’t always get your way.” Old-Strategy-672
6. AITJ For Extending My Employee's Probation And Addressing Accusations Of Nepotism?
“I got a new employee, Son, who happens to be my new coworker Emily’s son. Over the course of Son’s employment, I have called him back to issues brought to my attention by one of my other employees.
Emily retaliated against the reporting employee on each occasion.
Based on Son’s performance and attendance, I am extending his probationary period with my boss’s support. Which comes as the first blow to Emily. But I see Son’s potential and want to give him a second chance to prove himself.
After this decision, several employees report to me that they see Emily and Son ride around the facilities together, and are accusing Emily of nepotism. There has been more than one occasion where Son calls Emily for an issue he’s encountered in my buildings that Son never contacts me over.
And several occasions where daytime coworkers and I have seen them in the same company vehicle together.
I was clear with the boss having a conversation with Son about it. Ending with the ultimatum of Son not going to Emily’s buildings unless it is cleared with me first, to put a stop to these accusations.
And that they are not to be in the same company vehicle while he’s clocked into his regular shift. But I will allow him to take his lunch break with Emily if he desires to do so. Son goes crying to Emily about the ultimatum.
Because this means he needs to bring issues to me instead of running to her.
The same day, I’m pulled into a meeting with the boss and Emily. Boss asks us both if we have any issues with each other. We both reply in the negative.
I add that since Emily started, I made the offer to answer any questions Emily has and assist her if she needs help with any issues, but since Emily never contacts me, I assume she’s capable of doing the job on her own and focusing on my duties.
The boss asks why one of Emily’s employees only communicates with me. The individual in question has gotten into a confrontation with Emily and feels more comfortable with me, but nothing of import is ever discussed. Said the employee is only venting frustrations and asking for advice.
Why did I change someone’s request in the system? I received a voicemail stating that the employee meant to put in X instead of Y so I changed it, left it unapproved, and left a note for Emily assuming she wouldn’t listen through all the saved messages just to hear that one last. And if she wanted clarification, she could have asked me directly.
Why did I go to Emily’s building tonight? To get her employee to sign a Weekend Swap form for my employee’s weekend assignment. Emily’s employee then asked me about an open spot that had gone to bid for internal employees as they hadn’t heard where they fell on the list yet.
Then Emily was asked why she was in my building. She was helping Son catch a bat, knowing that people were accusing her of nepotism. He should have called me and when he failed to do so, she should have in his stead when she knew about the accusations she faces.”
Another User Comments:
“The only thing I understand from this story is that everybody at your workplace uses the word “nepotism” wrong. Unless Emily is in a hiring position and hires her own son, or forces a subordinate to hire him, there is no nepotism.
She may have recommended her son for the position, but if the final decision to hire him wasn’t hers, there is no nepotism.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“Uh, what? You need to rewrite this more succinctly OP it starts out relatively simple and then goes off on several tangents about company vehicles and other staff… Also seems to leave out a bunch of information: INFO What industry is this?
What jobs do Emily and Son have? How are the buildings and vehicles factored into this? Is it not possiblefor Son and Emily are having normal interactions e.g. having lunch together? How old is Son? If Emily has an employee who’s relationship has broken down why are you working around it instead of resolving it?
NTJ based on OP’s comment.” Remarkable-Intern-41
5. AITJ For Telling My Abusive Father-In-Law To Stop Harassing My Husband?
“I (F68) and my husband (M68) are retired and both of us have some significant health issues.
My FIL is 91 and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to both of his children all of their lives. He now lives in an Assisted Living Facility (ALF), near my husband and me. My sister-in-law (SIL) and her husband (BIL) live in a different state, several day’s drive away.
My FIL does NOT suffer from dementia. He makes rude comments at the ALF regarding other residents, and as a result, he has no friends. He harasses staff daily, demanding his medications, his meals, and that his bed be made NOW. He is rude, entitled, and downright mean.
My FIL calls his daughter a minimum of 4-5 times daily for trivial complaints. He calls my husband 3-4 times daily with trivial demands. If we don’t take him out often enough (twice weekly), he will break something that needs immediate replacement. He has broken his glasses 3 times in the past 18 months, and his hearing aids twice.
My FIL is extremely unsteady. He requires oxygen but refuses to use it, so his O2 saturation hovers in the 80% range. My husband and I are both weak and unsteady, and it is very difficult to take FIL out. We drive a full-size truck, which is difficult for FIL to get in.
Loading the wheelchair into the back is very hard for my husband and impossible for me. Pushing FIL in a wheelchair is also physically challenging. The ALF takes residents shopping and sightseeing several times each week but FIL refuses to take part. He insists that we take him out exclusively.
FIL is currently in rehab due to an episode of pneumonia, with a 5-day hospital stay. He is on a strict diet, with a rigorous schedule of physical therapy daily. “Taking him out” is not an option. Every day he calls my husband 3-5 times demanding that he bring him candy, cookies, personal items, etc. If we don’t answer the landline, FIL calls the cell phones.
He calls back every hour until we answer.
My husband finally broke today. FIL called to demand that my husband take him out tomorrow. This is against the rules of the rehab facility. My husband was hysterical, weeping and saying “I don’t know what to do” and “I can’t take it anymore”.
This may not sound that bad for you or I. We would just tell FIL to knock it off and not answer any more calls for the day, maybe even block his number. For my husband, raised to cater to every whim of FIL, this is nearly impossible, and being constantly harassed results in an extremely high level of anxiety.
As a result, today I called my FIL after my husband was left in hysterics following the most recent phone call. I told FIL, in a calm but serious voice, “I don’t know what you said to my husband, but he is extremely upset. I cannot stand by while you do this to him, and so you need to stop calling here for a while”.
FIL protested innocence, saying “I don’t know what I did that was so wrong”, and then hung up on me.
Dear Redditors, am I the jerk for speaking up for my husband and telling my FIL to stop calling us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t give in on your FIL.
Get the phone on vibe alarm and don’t reply to his calls. Inform the AFL that you are not to reach for the next four weeks. Get your husband in a better situation to recover, recover yourself from this abuse as well. Then you call the AFL to be informed what is going on.” Swiss_El_Rosso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s awful to see that “child” abuse can continue for the entirety of someone’s life. You are doing the right thing by protecting your spouse. >I called my FIL after my husband was left in hysterics … FIL protested innocence, saying “I don’t know what I did that was so wrong”, and then *hung up on me*.
Frankly, that sounds like a great outcome. How about you answer your husband’s phone whenever your FIL calls? If he can’t get access to your husband, he can’t bully him. And… he might reconsider breaking his glasses and hearing aids if you stop rushing to replace them.” Moose-Live
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry this is happening. NTJ at all. But also, I do follow my best friend’s advice for family management which is: your side of the family, you manage it. Your partner’s side, they manage it. I get your instinct to fight for your husband but wondering if you can lift him up to the extent that he gets stronger and can fight for himself?
He needs to be the one to draw the boundaries if he ever wants peace with this situation.” Wedonit
4. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Friend After She Refused To Meet Me Halfway?
“I (35f) have been friends with Sandra (32f) for 15 years.
When we met I was at university and she was still in high school, but we clicked from the first moment. We’ve been through so many things together during all these years, always side by side, constantly texting every day, etc.
She comes from a difficult family situation, so she didn’t have (and still hasn’t) her own car, but she has a driving license.
We live 30 km apart, so I’ve always been the one that drives. I used to visit her at home or take her from her home and go around shopping, clubbing, parties, and everything. I’ve never asked her for gas money or toll money, because I knew her financial situation was not that good.
It’s never been a problem, because she was my best friend and when she could afford it, she used to offer me meals and drinks. Some years ago, she met her partner Alec, who also didn’t have a car. We used to hang out all the 3 of us, I used to go to pick them up and do our errands.
After some time, I had the impression that he was slightly annoyed by the situation, but I didn’t say anything to start up a fight between them.
THE FACT: Now that we’re in our 30ies, we have a hard time seeing each other (work, no free time, always tired, you know, adult life) but still text every day.
She still doesn’t have her own car, but her partner does. Note that when we meet, it’s always me going to them, while they come to me only once. They often go visit one of Alec’s coworkers who lives in my city, but never invite me or come to visit me when they’re in my town.
On a national holiday sunny day, I was having a nice time visiting a little city by the sea with my partner, when she texted me asking what I was doing that day. I replied saying where I was and she said she had just arrived in the same location with her partner.
From that moment, it started an awkward conversation where she kept saying we had to meet each other and drink something, she constantly updated me with her position but never settled there to wait for me to reach her. Tired of this nonsense, I just tell her that I’m sitting at a pub, name, and position of the place, so she can come over and join us.
Me and my partner did our things, drinking and chilling, but she didn’t show up. Eventually, we decided to leave because it was getting late. I tell this to Sandra, and she jokes about the fact that we didn’t meet, but that I can go to pick her up at her house the next day after work to drink something.
I politely declined the invitation but since that day I started to see her in a different way and I stopped texting her every day. She didn’t ask why, because probably she perfectly knows the reason.
My partner expressed his feelings on this situation, but I need a second opinion.
AITJ? Am I being too childish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be very unhappy as well to be the one always putting in the work to meet up etc and then not even a token effort.” Interesting-Word-784
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your friendship has run its course.
She doesn’t put any thought or effort into the friendship. You two are acquaintances. Nothing more. I hope you find people who value you and your friendship in the future.” Intrepid_Natural6758
3. AITJ For Turning Off My Housemate's Internet To Stop His Loud Music?
“My (18F) housemate (20M) loves to play “house music.” When he moved in, he brought these large, DJ-type speakers with him, and his favorite activity is to blast the loudest, bass-boosted, wall-rattling songs that he can find from the cozy comforts of his bedroom, which shares a wall with mine.
I am usually very tolerant — unless it is late at night and I am trying to sleep, I will let him play the music and either tolerate it or find somewhere else to be. If it starts to get late or the music is just getting too loud, I’ll shoot him a text asking him to turn it down.
He’s usually pretty respectful of my requests, so it hasn’t been much of an issue.
Lately, he hasn’t been coming home and turning on the music until 10 PM. I usually get ready to go to sleep at around 10 – 10:30 PM because I need to be at work by 8 AM.
I understand that music is a stress reliever for some people, so I’ve been staying up later (until around 11-11:30 PM) to give him some time to enjoy his tunes before I send him the “time for bed” text. I can feel myself being more tired at work since doing this, but I’m hoping that my body will adjust soon to my new sleep schedule.
However, weekends are a different story. On weekends, my housemate will get absolutely blasted and play his music until around 1-2 AM. It’s a weekend and a time to relax, so again: I tolerate it. I tell him to turn it down (but not to shut it off) by 2 AM and if I can’t sleep through it (which I usually can’t), I put headphones on and play Minecraft until the agreed-upon time.
He also likes to get very, VERY messy on the weekends, so I will send him a reminder text when it’s getting close to 2 AM.
Last night, despite me texting, calling, and knocking on his bedroom door multiple times (with no answer) between 2 AM and 2:45 AM, he didn’t shut the music off.
His door wasn’t locked, but I didn’t want to enter uninvited and invade his privacy. I was getting SUPER annoyed, so I eventually texted him telling him that if he doesn’t shut the music off by 3 AM, I will turn the internet off for his devices.
(Everyone in my house splits the internet bill each month, but the internet is in my name, so I control the account and can shut off internet access to specific devices.) It reached 3 AM, so I did so. Since his laptop wasn’t online anymore, the music stopped.
Late this morning, my housemate emerged from his room and told me that he had passed out. He apologized for the music, and I accepted his apology. I told him that I turned off his internet access last night because it was the only way I could figure out to get the music to stop.
Now that he was awake, I said I would turn it back on, but that we really needed to set a time for the music to be off by.
I still feel like a jerk for abusing my power over the internet, but I don’t know what else I could have or should have done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but he sure is. When you live with other people you have to respect them, and blasting music every day is not respecting them at all. I don’t care if it’s a stress reliever or not. He doesn’t live alone and not everyone wants to listen to his music.
The fact that you have to go to bed later than usual to accommodate him is not a good thing – you’re even saying you feel more and more tired because of it. It has to stop now. Tell him to buy headphones or earphones or whatever but stop making all the efforts.
Not only for you but for your neighbors – If I was your neighbor I would hate to have to put up with this every day, weekends included. So yes you need to set a time for the music but you also need to remind him that people are living around him too.
He’s very lucky you just turned the Internet off because honestly, I would’ve called the police for night noise lol.” Champi_Feuille
Another User Comments:
“OMG, you are a saint for putting up with your noisy roommate for this long. If the roommate wants to relax by slowly damaging his hearing -then he can put on the headphones.
Not you. Nobody cares if he has fancy speakers. He can get some fancy headphones. You know loud noise and sleep deprivation is a form of torture, right? If you have neighbors, I bet they hate your guts. Because they just know the loud noise keeps coming from your place.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Venting To Me?
“A month ago, I (14M) asked my mom (42F) to stop venting. My mom is a very challenging person to work with. When you’re around her, you gotta tread carefully. She’s the type of person you could be joking with one minute, then get screamed at the next.
Me and my mom aren’t very close, as she’s never really around. She’s always either out with friends, at the gym, or at an appointment for her nails, lashes, etc. She also likes to vent her issues to me.
On the day I snapped, I was incredibly stressed. I had to leave school at 3, get to my doctor’s appointment at 3:30, get to therapy at 5, then to my band concert at 7.
For context, I have anxiety and ADHD, so when I’m overwhelmed, all chaos breaks loose in my brain. I was already stressed out as it was, and my mom made it worse.
My mom decided it would be a good idea to book a nail appointment at 5:30.
Meaning, my dad would have to rush me to my therapy at 5, rush to the other side of the city to drop her off at 5:30, pick me up at 6, and then pick her up at 6:30. Then I somehow have to get home, eat, and change in less than before we have to leave for my concert.
Safe to say, I was a mess.
Then she started venting about her issues. She kept going until I eventually turned to the backseat and yelled at her while crying. I told her to “Stop venting about your problems to your 14-year-old kid. I’m not your therapist.”
She went deathly silent for the rest of the ride home. I knew I messed up. When I arrived home, I ate and got changed. Immediately, she started yelling at me. She called me ungrateful and selfish for not listening to her issues. She said that I never listen to her problems. I yelled back at her, saying how she couldn’t let me have one day that’s about me.
She screamed and said that if I didn’t apologize, she wouldn’t go to my band concert. As embarrassing as it was, I actually begged her to go.
The car ride was awkward. Once I got to the school, I ran to the band room to get my instrument.
My friends saw I had tear stains on my face and took me to the bathroom to calm down. The concert went great, but I could see her glaring at me the entire concert. After the concert, she didn’t congratulate me, she didn’t even acknowledge me.
She walked to the car and waited. My dad was great though, said he was proud of me and all that. We went home, and that was that. No apologies, no talks, nothing. Which is usual for my family. We don’t communicate.
I asked a few days ago if she was still upset with me.
And she said she was. I won’t get into that, but she isn’t over it. Which is why I’m here to see if what I did actually deserved that reaction. I get that I shouldn’t have yelled at her to stop venting, but I was so overwhelmed and upset that I wasn’t thinking straight.
So, am I the jerk for telling my mom to stop venting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not your job to listen to her problems. She is your parent, you are her child and you’re only 14. She should not have withheld going to your concert because you wanted to be treated *your age*.” trxsxrms09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother doesn’t need to be venting to you, and it’s not your responsibility to hold onto all that. Adults love to believe that young teens don’t have problems as well. I definitely don’t think you should’ve yelled at her though but I get it, you were fed up with it, and with everything you had going on I’m not surprised.” boreduser24
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, your mom is manipulative and narcissistic for complaining about you not wanting to hear her negativity and trying to hold your school activities hostage so you’ll apologize. I’d try to limit interaction with her if possible, see if your dad can take you places or maybe start walking/biking.” deleted-user-12
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue Teaching My Sister To Cook?
“I have always enjoyed cooking and have always been the family cook for family events. My sister always preferred processed food. A couple of years ago she got sober and decided she would like to start cooking homemade meals too. She asked me for some lessons and I was happy to oblige.
Whenever I was cooking she’d come over to help while I walked her through what I was doing. I make all my own oil and broth and grow all of my own herbs. My sister decided she would do that too even though I told her buying those things would be better for now.
She started making dinners for our brother and me and our wives about once a week and they’re awful. She basically tried to jump into advanced cooking without mastering the basics. I’ve been subtle but encouraging, saying things like “This is really good! My only note would be that I’d use olive oil instead.” Sometimes my brother will make a suggestion but we’ve agreed that only one of us will do that, each dinner.
She does well with the technical part of cooking but the flavor is chaotic and not very great but edible, until last week.
She made fried chicken marinated in teriyaki sauce, breaded with corn flake crumbs, fried in fish and beef fat, and flavored with dill.
She took one bite of it and apologized, saying she messed up but was trying to improvise like I taught her. So here’s where I may be the jerk, I told her: this isn’t how I taught you. I told you to keep it simple at first until you had the basics down.
Buy oil and herbs until you master the basics. No one can be great at anything until they master the basics. I reminded her I’m always a text away when she’s making something and if she would have called when she didn’t have any of the ingredients she needed I’d have told her to make another dish or told her what she needed to make what she wanted.
She started crying and said she gave up and would just eat mac and cheese for the rest of her life then stormed out. Everyone was silent until my brother said they should probably go home. After they left my wife told me I wasn’t the jerk but I needed to remember how sensitive my sister is right now.
I said even SHE couldn’t eat the meal and she went into a pity party before anyone said anything!
My mom called me the next day and said I needed to apologize. Apparently, everyone feels like she’s doing her best and I need to overlook her mess-ups and comfort her when it happens.
I think that’s reasonable EXCEPT I’m the one she’s leaning on to learn. I told my mom that it would be like if someone asked her to teach them to read but they were constantly trying to conquer War and Peace before even trying to master the alphabet.
It’s too much to ask of someone but everyone thinks I need to keep mentoring her. It’s made me dread cooking at all because something I enjoy has become a tedious chore.
AITJ for not wanting to continue teaching her to cook?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – she acknowledged how bad her meal was and apologized. She already felt bad and then you blow up at her when she’s already feeling bad. If you don’t want to teach her, fine, but there was no reason to be such a jerk about how you handled things.” N0rmann12
Another User Comments:
“This, too, is learning. It is okay to improvise, it is okay to fail. It is just not okay to expect others to sing praise and eat it if you fail. How can you all help her to see the value of failure?
It will make life in general a lot more fun. And there is always grilled cheese sandwiches.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, cooking is not actually some mystery art you need the basics for, it’s actually something anything can do and you sound patronizing. Yeah, she screwed a couple things up.
If she’s never cooked before she’ll take a few goes. But after that, she’ll be fine, stop treating her like a child. Let her learn by herself if you’re going to have that attitude about it.” BenynRudh
