People Feel Confident Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Husband That Pregnancy Is Harder On Me Than Him?
“I’m pregnant with our first child and nearing the end of the third trimester.
We were out shopping for last-minute things the other day when my husband made a comment about me walking slowly. I commented back something along the lines of “you try keeping up with your regular walking pace with a watermelon strapped to your stomach”.
He has also made comments about how often I nap, but I’m still always complaining about being tired. Or how I haven’t gotten around to doing my part of the housework. I’ve tried expressing to him just how chronically exhausted I am, and how now I’m in pretty consistent pain, as I’m very very largely pregnant.
But he’s continued to say the pregnancy has been hard on both of us. So I snapped and said, “your 9 minutes of contribution don’t compare to the 9 months of work I’m putting in right now.”
After we got back from shopping he mentioned that he was bothered by my comments, because it seems like I’m belittling his role as the father of our baby, saying that we are equally her parents and I shouldn’t be comparing our roles.
While I agree that we are equally her parents, I also feel that the burden of this season falls much more heavily on me, and all I am asking for is a little empathy and understanding.
AITJ for making these comments, and for believing that the pregnancy is harder on me than it is on him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is physically incapable of growing a human inside of him, supplying nutrients, and bearing the weight (literally and figuratively) of 9 months of pregnancy and a lifetime of pregnancy-related checkups. You compromise your entire body and he compromises…. his pace while walking???
I hope he realizes toddlers walk a little slow as well…. as for the pregnancy, no, your contributions are not equal. You are risking your entire well-being. He probably couldn’t comprehend the amount of physical effort you are bringing to the table.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“What on earth does he think he has contributed so far?! His entire job right now is to support you and help prepare for his child’s arrival. That job is not 24/7. You, on the other hand, are going through a very physical task that is constantly at work, placing demands on your body it has never endured before and his never will experience.
When the baby enters this world and he can actually contribute more to caring for its wellbeing, *then* he can talk about his contribution as a parent, but the very fact he thinks he’s doing even half the work your body is right now is laughably absurd.
NTJ, and I hope he’s not as self-centered as this post sounds because you deserve a lot more support.” Objective-Ad5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your husband is being a jerk. You’re both going to be parents, sure, but you’re definitely doing the burden of the work right now.
He’s not growing a being in him that’s siphoning all his energy and wreaking havoc on his body. The pregnancy is harder on you than it is on him. It is physically happening to you, not him. Don’t let him guilt you into minimizing and sidelining your own experiences.
The fact that he doesn’t seem to understand that–and apparently hasn’t been picking up any of the slack as certain things get harder for you to do as your pregnancy goes on–reads as very selfish of him. If he wants to be an equal parent, he needs to put in an equal amount of effort.
And right now, that should include doing his best to make you feel comfortable and supported. Which he clearly isn’t doing a good job of.” SoleofOrion
21. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About His Public Joke About My Makeup At Our Wedding?
“I (F30) always struggled with self-esteem. I’m an introverted, anxious, socially awkward type of person which makes it worse. I got introduced to makeup during my late 20s and it’s now become both a source of income & a source of self-confidence and esteem.
My now husband always teased me about it, mind you he’s a jokester and is a bit on the sarcastic – brutally honest side. I didn’t have an issue as long as it was done privately, meaning private teasing.
At our wedding, I went a bit out of the box when it came to makeup, but it looked matching and fitting obviously.
My husband didn’t stop commenting on it during the wedding. I was beginning to get annoyed but when it was time for his groom speech. He looked at me and then said “…and my wife here who looks like a department store mannequin with that makeup on her face…” I was dumbfounded. Guests started laughing at me loosely.
I felt so much rage I didn’t know how to contain it. I waited til his parents were around then I went off on him about what he said. He said it was just a joke and I took it too personally. I argued with him about how I felt regarding his teasing in public but he insisted I blew this out of proportion and ruined “the atmosphere” for the wedding as well as humiliated him in front of his parents when I scolded him like he was a kid.
He sulked about it for 3 days then told me that I needed to apologize for this negative vibe I brought upon him and for reacting so insanely over a joke.
I wonder if I really overreacted here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband decided to tease you about your makeup, then insulted you publicly on one of the biggest days of your life.
That unto itself is a huge red flag. Couple that with his complete lack of self-reflection after the fact, and it’s a recipe for disaster going forward if he doesn’t change. You should be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself and lifts you up, especially for events that are so meaningful.” Salty_MotherJerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A good friend of mine is with the ‘it was a joke’ guy. It is exhausting for her 10 years in and now it still isn’t funny. He uses these moments to cut deep. She is now realizing he is a narcissist. Not sure if all ‘it was a joke’ guys are narcissists but the fact I have one of those in my family and I suspect he is a narcissist doesn’t bode well for this personality type.
We don’t have to agree with others but when someone’s feelings are hurt and they express that to us – we don’t have. A right to diminish that person’s feelings. Your feelings are valid and now he is turning it around on you. Please don’t apologize- he doesn’t have a right to an apology and he has gotten away with insulting you to a room full of people.
I’m a total extrovert so your being an introvert has no bearing on this situation. Being an introvert, in this situation, doesn’t make you more susceptible to insult.” Background_Owl_3474
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is he sulking? You are the one who should be sulking!
I would have stood up and made a “joke” about how his area down there also looked like a mannequin because there’s barely anything there. Would he think that’s funny?!? You don’t have to apologize! WTF. So when he does something rude and inappropriate, you have to apologize for not liking it and agreeing?
No! He has to apologize. And brutally honest is just bullying.” Coco_Dirichlet
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Lets His Friends Sleep In Our Bed Without Asking Me?
“I (21f) live with my (22m) husband in a one-bedroom apartment. We have been living together for 3 years, being students we are renting and having issues with our apartment which is in desperate need of renovation, a collapsed bed, etc.
I am abroad visiting family for the next 3 weeks, the day I left his 3 friends immediately wanted to stay at our place. I’ve never stopped his friends coming over and recently one slept on a foldable bed in the kitchen for 1 night, we had previously kept his 2 suitcases in our small corridor for a year while he was abroad.
It’s been 2 nights since I left and my husband has just told me that he has been letting his friends sleep in our shared bed/having free reign of the house. I’m so angry right now because imagining the high energy bills and just general disgust of having men sleep in my bed in 40-degree C heat on my sheets is appalling.
He not once thought to ask me if it was OK. We have always split bills 50/50, his friends are not contributing to any expenses except the occasional meal for him and travel passes.
At this point, I’m seriously considering options in regard to the future of our relationship.
He never helps clean cook or anything. He works to cover his own expenses. Whenever I’m upset or ask him to help out he insults me. And he never seems to consider asking me whether things like this are ok. I’m not at all ok with men sleeping in my bed or having full access to my room and possessions especially when he is out.
He doesn’t seem to understand my side, that this is a valid concern.
AITJ for taking this so seriously?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These facts alone are enough to validate your desire to rethink the relationship: he never cleans or cooks, he insults you when you’re upset or ask him to help keep up the apartment, he never consults your opinion, he doesn’t care to understand your side of things.
Now add that he’s brought in 3 friends to add to your expenses and the mess in the place and sleep in your bed. Honestly, you don’t need more reasons.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are 21 years old. Dump him. His friends are losers who don’t want to pay rent (your comment) & your husband is enabling that.
He already does not respect you, insults you & you’re basically his maid. You’re 21!!! Do you honestly want to live this way forever? You are in college too. Focus on school and enjoying your college years & leave this man behind. You won’t regret it.
Please try to enjoy your stay with your family & figure out how you can get out of this situation.” Divinelavish16
Another User Comments:
“It’s just some sheets. You’re kinda coming on here to talk about how much you don’t like him. If you want to leave then leave, but it’s also his apartment too.
If he’s not being unfaithful or doing anything crazy then what’s the problem? It’s just him hanging out with his friends and basically having a sleepover. You’re gone for 3 weeks you can’t control everything he does while you’re away.” LRenRay
19. AITJ For Uninviting My SIL After She Broke My Special Cup And Refused To Apologize?
“We live in the middle of nowhere and host a July 4th BBQ and firework show for my family. Last year my SIL Megan decided she didn’t want her daughter (3) drinking from a plastic cup. Megan went into my kitchen and went through my cabinets and found my Chip (from Beauty and the Beast) that my mother got me at Disneyland.
In giving a ceramic mug to her toddler it was dropped and broken. She did not tell me about it and I saw it in the trash.
I asked a cousin who was inside the kitchen and he saw Megan tell her daughter “not to tell anyone that she broke it.” I confronted Megan and the scene got very ugly mainly because I asked why do you think it’s okay to go through people’s stuff and break them while being a guest in the house.
She tried to tell me her daughter got the cup and I said the cup was on a shelf in an upper cabinet and couldn’t have reached it.
Megan acted like I was in the wrong because plastic cups are bad and her daughter doesn’t drink from them.
I told her toddlers shouldn’t be drinking from coffee cups and should apologize when they break something. This put a rift between Megan and me and she has yet to apologize so when it came around time for this year’s 4th of July BBQ, Megan was off the guest list.
My husband told my MIL who said I’m still going at it over a stupid cup and he should divorce me for being so petty. So now my MIL and some of my husband’s family aren’t coming and I say good. My husband wants me to drop cup issues but it’s not only about the cup.
It’s because his sister felt entitled to go through my cabinets, take an item out, causing her daughter to break my beloved cup. She then covered it up and put it in the trash, and told her daughter to lie about it, and when confused played the victim and refused to apologize for HER behavior and blamed me.
I don’t want that deceitful woman in my home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would not invite her again either. When she broke the cup, she should have apologized. And especially after being caught and confronted. I was almost willing to give her a pass for going into your cabinet for a cup, because a lot of times, guests will take out a glass or plate or utensils for themselves, trying to avoid bugging the hostess for trivial stuff like that.
Except if you have all the plates, cups, and utensils out, and then she’s rummaging around in your cabinets. I suspect in this case, she thought it was cute for her girl to have the Disney cup, and didn’t really give a care about you or manners, because some parents are that obsessed with their kids.” Trick_Photograph9758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am not habitually petty, but in this case, I would be. MIL wants to jump on the divorce bandwagon, I would just show her how it feels. Next time you are over at her place, take some small trinket, cup, picture, something of hers that is special. Hide it.
Let her feel the disrespect of having her space invaded, her possessions and home disrespected. When it gets mentioned make an offhand remark about it could be broken, maybe someone someone went pillaging through her cabinets. As for the SIL, she doesn’t need to come back until she learns respect, until she understands how wrong it is to teach a toddler to lie.
Those are just some really…..backward people.” emptynest_nana
Another User Comments:
“If she doesn’t want her very young daughter drinking from plastic cups at a cookout, she should bring her own cup. Second choice, she should ask you if there’s another cup she can use.
Rifling through your cupboard and giving a ceramic cup to a small child without asking you was wrong, but at that point, had she said “My daughter broke your cup. I am sorry,” I would feel like it was a manageable situation. Saying nothing, hiding the broken cup in the trash, lying to you about how she got it, refusing to apologize, and being generally terrible is just not acceptable.
It sounds like the cup has sentimental value to you. I myself once burst into tears when my dad broke a coffee cup that had sentimental meaning for me. My dad immediately apologized profusely, to the point that I felt bad for making him feel so guilty.
I get that your husband sees this as “just a cup” that shouldn’t be causing such a massive drama. But Megan was totally wrong and owes you an apology. If none of them think what she did was wrong, lord knows what mischief they will continue to perpetrate when they are guests in your home.
NTJ.” MargotLannington
18. AITJ For Evicting My Non-Paying, Non-Cooperative Roommate?
“I (32M) have lived with my roommate (30F) since September and wanted outside input on the situation.
At first, things were fine and she abided by things that were in the lease (no smoking inside, rent due at the first of the month, no loud noise after a certain time like loud music at times I and the other roommate sleep, etc.) but then she started doing things like leaving water or the stove on for hours at a time because she forgot or smoke inside because she doesn’t want to smoke in the snow.
One thing she did that made me want to post here a couple of months ago was dealing with cleaning up after herself. She said she was too busy to clean up her mess and one of us should do it.
The main problem is that anything she’s done, I’ve dealt with because having the extra income is nice (I own the house so I’m technically the landlord) but as of the first, she hasn’t paid rent for 3 months.
So at the beginning of May, we talked about her situation and she said April was a bad month for her. I told her don’t worry about April if it was that bad and that you would just have to have May and June by June 1st. She told me that won’t be happening.
I tried to come up with a way for us to work together so she wouldn’t have to pay so much at once and I’d still be able to pay the bills I owed for the utilities and mortgage at the beginning of the month.
She told me she didn’t want to do that and walked away.
So after that, I told her she could stay for the rest of the month but if she didn’t have May and June by the first then I wouldn’t be able to renew her month-to-month lease and she said she was fine with that and didn’t talk to me the rest of the month.
When the first came around I didn’t really see her but her stuff was still in the house before I left for work and when I came back in the morning we had a chance to “talk” which was more me trying to get her attention and her trying to ignore me in the living room.
I asked her what happened to her moving out and she said she wouldn’t be able to move out for at least another 2 or 3 months as she just started a new job. I told her that her lease had expired and she technically doesn’t live here anymore.
All she said was “Oh well”, went upstairs and closed her door. So I went to the Magistrate to start the steps of getting her out of the house and the first thing they told me was to give her a notice to quit (eviction) which is 10 days since she no longer is under a lease.
I taped it to her door because she didn’t open it and an hour later she came out screaming at me because she hadn’t even started to look for a new place and couldn’t possibly find anything in 10 days.”
Another User Comments:
“The only way you’d be the jerk is if she was trying to work with you and you unceremoniously kicked her out.
She’s refused to work with you or talk to you – she put herself in this position. Loads of people have stuff going on but they make their rent work because you know… That’s how the world works. It doesn’t stop spinning because you’re sad.
NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“”You don’t need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” She has chosen to 1) not pay the rent, 2) not clean up after herself, 3) not communicate, and 4) not find another living situation. All of that is on HER, not you.
At the end of the 10 days, get the sheriff (or whomever) to escort her off of your property.” bb3244
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t pay, she can’t stay. You’re using the correct route to remove her from the apartment. She’s just trying to emotionally blackmail you from taking appropriate action.
Stand your ground or she will never leave.” Coffeeandcrimeglobal
17. AITJ For Telling Off An Old Lady Who Questioned My Presence At A Public Park?
“Once every so often, I like to take my dog to different parks to walk him around a bit to give him a sense of randomness because monotony is boring for both humans and canines. So to break that cycle, I like to take my dog to random parks once a week.
Well, this afternoon while walking my dog in a different park, I ran into some random lady who decided to question me because she “did not recognize me from the neighborhood.” To which my reply was “this is a public park, I have every right to be here as do you.” And her reply was “are you from this neighborhood, I don’t recognize you.” And my reply was “this is a public park, I have EVERY right to be here, if you are SO concerned call the police, they will tell you the same thing, so leave me alone, you old bat!”
Well, obviously this went over like a loud fart in a church, police were called, and they told that old lady that I have every right to be here even though I do not live in the neighborhood, that I still have a right to use the park because it is public property, and whether or not I live in said neighborhood is inconsequential.
AITJ for how I reacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s clearly in the wrong but be very careful raising your voice/cursing at strangers. She could’ve called the police & claimed you threatened her. Also, she’s elderly so she could honestly be very easily threatened/paranoid with her mind degrading.” Domonero
Another User Comments:
“Both of you are in the wrong. Sure you had every right to be there. You could have answered in a non-escalating way especially when speaking to a person from a different time with a different worldview. I bet if you had smiled and waved some tax dollars could have been saved.” imnotstrate
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are absolutely the jerk. Whether or not it was her business, you could have just said “no but I wanted to walk my dog here today to mix it up” instead of antagonizing the situation, which by your words here you purposefully did.
You don’t get to purposely rile people up and then play victim about it, if you want to be treated with kindness and respect you need to behave as such.” Opening-Winner-8006
16. AITJ For Being Upset About My Stepdaughter Sleeping In Our Bed While We Were Away?
“My husband and I (M54, F56) went out of town for a few days and his daughter (19F) who lives with us stayed to watch the house and dogs. Her room and space are in a finished basement and the master BR, living area, and guest room are on the main floor.
When checking on the dogs mid-morning on vacay, I see a set of human eyes look at me from my bed via the webcam. After realizing it was his daughter in our bed and I asked him about it, his response was “I told ‘Janie’ to sleep in our room to be closer to the dogs”.
I have very strong feelings about boundaries and privacy. I reminded him of this as well as the fact that I was not asked nor informed prior to this and I was not comfortable with her sleeping in our bed. I also reminded him that she could sleep in her own room (and get up before noon like a normal human being) or in the guest room.
The response from him was “it’s just Janie”. And she continued to sleep there until we returned several days later. After we returned, I confronted him about how I felt I was disrespected on many levels, as well as my feelings dismissed and disregarded after I expressed them.
I’m told I’m overreacting, “it’s no big deal, it’s just Janie.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expressing your feelings concerning your boundaries, but you sound like you have animosity toward your partner’s daughter (especially the sleeping until noon comment like a ‘normal’ human).
It’s been widely discussed and proven with science that teenagers need more sleep than the average adult – your comment on her sleeping habits, to me, is not only cliche and outdated but sounds as if the issue isn’t your boundaries; you seem to dislike your partner’s daughter.” Equivalent-Event-814
Another User Comments:
“You probably are the jerk. I always have slept in my parent’s (mom & stepdad) bed if they were gone on vacation. Minus when we (my brother, dad, and I) moved in with my stepmom who didn’t allow us in her room.
Before then it was normal for my brother and I to go in our dad’s room whether he was home or not. You sound like the type of stepparent that doesn’t truly think of the stepchild as their own kid and has some weird jealousy thing between the father and daughter.
It’s his kid, not his mistress like you probably think of her as. He doesn’t love her like that & he never will so stop that thought process and start pretending that she’s your child that you birthed, because she IS your child, you just didn’t birth her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. I mean, it wouldn’t be any different if she were your biological daughter, you know that right? You have to think that she most likely shared a bed with her father some nights she was scared or lonely. All kids do it at some point for comfort.
If this had been your daughter I doubt you wouldn’t find it odd that she slept in your bed. It’s most likely a comfort thing. She’s alone, and being in a basement you can feel vulnerable. Someone breaks in, what are her options to escape from there?
She has more control being upstairs in the bedroom with the dogs for extra security AND a camera so that wherever you are you can check in and see she is safe. Also, you mention being away for “a few days” but by the end of the post you say you return home after several days….how long was she alone for?
Definitely sounds like the dogs were her companions for that time regardless.” Dispirited_Ghost
15. AITJ For Refusing To Make Up With My Friend Who Got Mad At Me For Canceling Plans?
“My childhood friend is mad at me for canceling plans. We are both women in our 30s.
We were supposed to go out with 5-6 other women for dinner and drinks. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage a couple of weeks before the event and I was extremely sad and unhappy, and on top of that, I was still bleeding a lot.
So I was honest with everyone and just told them I simply was not ready for such an event either psychically or mentally. She opened my message but never answered, and I just immediately knew that she was mad. One of the other women called me and confirmed my suspicion.
I love her very much and I hate that she is mad at me. I have always been the one to apologize and try to smooth things over if there have been conflicts. I can’t recall her ever apologizing to me for anything. And when she is angry, she just ignores me until I give in and do what she wants.
But that’s her general way of handling things, so it’s not just towards me.
We have not talked in three weeks which is very unusual.
Typically I would call her to make up. But this time I feel like she has crossed a line and that I should be the one who is mad.
I’m in a really hard situation already and she knows that stuff like this affects me.
Am I the jerk? What would you do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. Your friend is heartless. She should be comforting you, not expecting you to comfort her.
Not complaining. Something is wrong with the empathy part of her brain. You have some soul-searching to do about her as a friend. At the very least, a heart-to-heart in which you do NOT apologize. (That may be hard for you. It sounds like you have a habit of feeling guilty when your friend is being a jerk.)” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am very sorry for your loss, miscarriage is a very very difficult thing to go through. She doesn’t sound like a very nice friend from the information you give. I personally would just wait it out and see whether she reaches out to apologize, if she doesn’t then move on.
If you feel like you need to say something to her, then contact her and explain you will not apologize and explain how you feel and that if she’s a true friend she would be understanding and supporting you in this very difficult time with your loss.” tru-survivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely not the jerk here. You had a heartbreaking miscarriage (I’m so sorry) and were recovering from it physically and emotionally, and your “friend” is mad at you for not being able to come to a girl’s night dinner/drink night?!
WHAT THE HECK. Who does that?! No true friend would be so upset about their dear friend not being able to come to dinner after a traumatic health event, that they go radio silent, and expect an apology from you. Screw that. A true friend would have been checking in on you regularly and offered to come over and hang out with you, whatever you need. That girl is not your friend, and your life is likely better without her.
If SHE can’t come to you and apologize profusely, she doesn’t deserve your time.” fallingintopolkadots
14. AITJ For Speaking Spanish To My Brother's Partner Who Doesn't Speak It?
“I’m a white woman (21f) who lives in the southern US.
I took an interest in foreign languages in high school because it seemed like something important. I speak Spanish and English fluently since those two are the most spoken languages in the US and it seemed important to learn Spanish. I also speak Chinese very well but not as well as a native speaker.
Anywho, my brother has been seeing this girl Luisa for several months. He’d mentioned her family is from Mexico. They moved in together recently and threw a housewarming party.
It’s worth noting that my brother’s best friend is Hispanic, his family is from Cuba.
My brother speaks a bit of Spanish, he can follow conversations decently, and knows his fair amount of insults. When I get to the party I start chatting up my brother’s best friend, and we’re talking in Spanish. It’s something we’ve just done for years, we primarily talk in Spanish because ‘use it or lose it’ and all that.
My brother and his partner come over and I said it’s nice to meet you, and I include them in what we were talking about. All of this being in Spanish.
His partner is named Luisa and her family is from Mexico, and I’d heard her speaking English with a bit of an accent when I came in, so I incorrectly assumed she spoke Spanish.
She kinda went off on me about how not everyone speaks Spanish. And that as a white girl, I don’t need to be speaking it. My brother later apologized and said it was a sore spot for her.
But it’s been on my mind, AITJ for assuming she speaks Spanish when she doesn’t, and speaking Spanish in front of her?”
Another User Comments:
“Listen. Some immigrant parents make a point of NOT teaching their children Spanish purposefully to give them the advantage (ill-conceived or otherwise) of not having a language barrier in their new country. This is intended as a measure of love and protection.
And some people just can’t be bi-lingual, no matter how hard they may try (like me). But THEN people make fun of those kids. People in their own culture. It becomes a source of shame, unfortunately. Now, I don’t know if that’s the case in this situation.
She’s probably a proud person. She really overreacted and took something personally you didn’t intend. And lashed out unfairly. But…empathy goes a long way. When you get a chance to talk to her again you’ll get a chance to explain and maybe make a friend.
Just cut her some slack. Your brother loves her. And maybe don’t do the whole Spanish thing around her for now.” whatsupwillow
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk, but I can see why his partner would be upset. Let me try to explain this the best I can by using my life as an example.
I am a dark-skinned Hispanic woman (who struggles with Spanish. I can understand it better than I can speak it), and so like half the time people will assume I don’t speak English and will immediately jump to Spanish. When other Hispanic people do this I’m okay with it.
Often times it’s some lady at the grocery store asking me for help and I can speak Spanish enough to help her out. But when a white person automatically jumps to Spanish it just rubs me the wrong way. I have literally stood next to my much lighter sister and have been asked for directions in Spanish (I can’t speak it well enough to give detailed directions so I usually just shake my head no), only for the same white person to turn to my sister and ask her in English.
It kinda feels like a slap to the face, like what? They assume I can’t speak English? Now obviously I don’t know what his partner looks like or if she has had similar experiences but this could be in the ballpark of what she was feeling.
Also as a general side note, it’s really common for younger generations to not know as much or any Spanish at all in Hispanic families. And yes it is a sore spot for many of us. In my and many of my friends’ cases, we have been made fun of our whole lives for our poor Spanish.
Not saying she should have snapped at you though, that’s on her. Also, if you heard her talking English why not just greet her in English? Again, she could have assumed that you didn’t think she spoke English/ spoke English well. Honestly just give her time.” twisted-void
Another User Comments:
“Not speaking Spanish is a sore point for many US-born Latin Americans. Immigrants come here and think that their kids would have a better future if they did not speak Spanish. This leads to a lot of resentment from the kids and embarrassment when they talk to Spanish-speaking relatives.
These kids are often mocked and called “pochos” (very derogatory) by Spanish-speaking relatives in the home country (at least that’s what they get called in Mexico). On the flip side, Spanish speakers get crapped on all the time in the US by racist whites demanding they “Speak English!” Racist people seem to always try to pass English-only laws that ban bilingual education and force Spanish speakers to communicate with the government only in English.
So it’s a little jarring for some White people to get off on telling Spanish speakers to “learn the language or go back to their country” while others seem to enjoy demonstrating their Spanish proficiency. It must be confusing on all sides for these kids.
You’re literally darned if you do speak Spanish, and you’re darned if you don’t. While this might shed some light on Luisa’s reaction, it certainly does not excuse it. She may be feeling embarrassed that she couldn’t follow the conversation and lashed out. But that’s a problem she needs to work on, rather than lashing out at multi-lingual people.
NTJ.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Wanting To Be Paid During Project Hiatus?
“I (22F) am a freelancer in the media industry. I joined a project a few months ago which was basically a long marketing campaign for a new app.
The pay was well but the project was equally taxing.
My contract ends this month but they had told us that they’ll be extending our contracts because the creation of the campaign may take longer than expected. I was fine with it.
Now, they tell us that they need time to work on the technical aspects of the app till November.
And the marketing side of this will now only continue from November onwards. They then also conveniently mentioned that they can’t afford to pay the freelance team from August to October (the gap months).
Their point is that there isn’t enough work left to be done in these gap months but my point is that by choosing to retain my commitment, you’re making sure I don’t take up anything else so that I’m available in November.
And I should be paid for it, even if I’m retained on half my fee.
Secondly, I have rent to pay.
I’m really attached to this project and would definitely like to finish what I started but I can’t afford to exhaust my savings because of it.
Some colleagues think I might be the jerk because I’m being disloyal, and I can go to my parents’ place to reduce expenses in the gap months.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and as a freelancer you need to learn right now: Pay me. The investor fell through.
Pay me. We aren’t ready yet to follow our contract. Pay me. I need to pay this other person more or first. Pay me. My kid is sick and my mom died and the owner retired. Pay me. No one else will advocate for you or have your best interests.
If they felt any loyalty to you or considered you as a person with needs, they would have hired you with benefits and a salary. You are a freelancer. You owe them what you contracted (which should cover issues like delays for either party in the future).
If they don’t want to pay, they are free to bid for your services in November, if you happen to have availability among your other positions. Respect yourself.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has rent to pay (and a mouth/mouths to feed) working under a project without pay isn’t something that you owe someone.
Even if you like the project that you’re working on, missing pay for 3 months is a LOT of money, especially when you cannot take any other jobs during that time. Your colleagues sound entitled IMO, as even if you can go back to live at your parent’s house for a while, why should they want that for you?
They’re basically telling you to work without pay “just because” and for you to “suck it up because you are lucky to be able to (possibly) afford it.” That’s toxic behavior, IMO. Stay motivated, OP! Wish you well on whatever you decide.” n0where_king
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Some colleagues think I might be the jerk because I’m being disloyal, and I can go to my parents’ place to reduce expenses in the gap months.” For starters, a job is a job. You’re exchanging your labor for money. You’re building a product that, if it goes well, will make your employer a lot of money, which they won’t share with you.
Secondly, loyalty is earned. A manager who sticks their neck out for you might earn your loyalty. A boss who institutes profit sharing, or who goes out of their way to help an employee in a tight spot might earn loyalty. But even then, you aren’t obligated to be loyal. Because it’s just a job.
An employer who chooses to hire a freelancer isn’t doing anything to earn loyalty. They’re saying “this is just a short-term transaction”. They’re picking that option because it’s cheaper for them. A good employer invests in their employees, tries to build their skills. They are the ones who established the parameters of the relationship as one that’s just about money, not loyalty.
And finally, the sacrifice expected here is seriously asymmetrical. Your bosses make more money than you do, so if someone was expected to “go without” for the sake of the project, they’re the ones who should consider getting by on less, not you. Why should you sacrifice for their convenience and for their profit?
What’s being asked of you is unreasonable and exploitative. And probably illegal. You shouldn’t feel badly about not being party to your own exploitation. You’re also not responsible for telling them whether you will take a vow of poverty and wait. When November comes around (assuming they’re on schedule and are ready for your help), if you aren’t doing anything better, you can pick things up.
If you are, then it’s their loss. You shouldn’t tell them in advance that you won’t wait. See how things go, and come November you can make the decision that’s best for you.” Trini1113
12. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Inherited Cafe To My Estranged Mother?
“I (23F) recently inherited some properties and funds after the passing of my late father (55M).
One of those properties was a cafe that my mother (53F) had recently taken a liking to and wanted ownership of. Do note that my mother and father divorced when I was 16 due to my mother being unfaithful to my father. My father got full custody of me after the divorce.
My mother and I have been in low contact ever since then.
My mother has recently started asking me if she could buy the cafe as she saw that the cafe could make her a lot of money compared to her current high school teacher job.
I said no as I’ve been working at that cafe part-time since I was 17 and have developed strong ties with it since then. I also explained that the pay there is good enough to help me with university.
Upon hearing this, she flipped out saying that I had other inherited properties and funds to help me with university and that I was being selfish, greedy, and a jerk who couldn’t help out my poor mother financially despite me being financially stable.
Since then, I have been getting loads of calls and hateful messages from my mother’s side of the family saying that I was being a greedy and selfish jerk for not letting her buy the cafe.
AITJ for not letting my mother buy my recently inherited cafe?”
Another User Comments:
“Stay LC with your mother – maybe even NC for a while. She sounds entitled and you are attending university, you need a peaceful environment to learn and study. Also, block other family members who are interfering. You do not need the hassle.
Sorry about your dad passing but congrats that you can make it work with funding for uni. Do not be forced into selling something you want to keep hold of – other people (ie your mother) do not have the right to demand stuff from you.” AussieTopCat
Another User Comments:
“She wants you to give her your father’s business that you and your father poured years of your lives into because she thinks she can make more money there than in her current job… And you’re the one being greedy. Sure. Golly gee, what a lovely woman!
I wonder why you were low contact with her. In all seriousness, I would recommend you change that low contact to just straight-up no contact. Screenshot everything in case you need to look into legal options like restraining orders, and then block her and all of her flying monkeys.” magicalboytransform
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I am curious. If she hopes to make a lot of money off of it, what does she expect the buying process to be like? Either she does not know that when you make this kind of investment it does not really make a lot of plus funds the first years, or she has to take out a loan anyway?
I am confused. or did she think you were selling it to her for way below its worth? I’d be petty. if you are not super attached to the cafe, let her buy it for the amount it will cost you to put you through uni and maybe a little more?
So you can go to school and not worry about work. Or if you know it is impossible for her, at least make that offer to her. Like, sure mom you can buy it. Here I researched its value based off of location, the funds we make, and so on, and here is what I will be offering it for.
Or just officially offer it for what it is worth and send her a link so she can get in with the other possible buyers and bid for it?” ladyrebelmarmalade
11. AITJ For Telling My Deceased Brother-In-Law's Wife To Back Off From The Kids?
“My sister was married to Joe and had two boys. She passed 6 years ago. Joe was seeing Lisa after my sister died and they got married a few weeks before he passed away from cancer.
Joe had me and my husband as the person to raise the boys if anything happened to him, that had not changed. But Lisa had started the process to adopt the boys before Joe passed, which Joe was unaware of because he was in a coma-like state.
When he did die, the adoption had not happened and the boys asked if they could still live with me and my husband. It then became a conflict with Lisa. The boys never called her mom and they had only known her for a year and a half before their dad died. They do have two half-siblings from her, who they will still know.
But we felt it better for them to be raised by us. The courts agreed despite Lisa’s fight saying they should be raised by her and adopted.
Lisa has attempted to still go through with playing mom and taking over my sister’s role. Even before Joe died she told my husband that we were a pointless point of the boys’ lives because they never knew my sister and that is what should be considered. But Joe made sure we stayed in touch and he didn’t even introduce Lisa until she was pregnant with their first child.
But now she doesn’t have them, has very limited contact (only for the sake of the boys seeing her kids) yet still tries to insert herself. We have ignored her mostly. But now she’s trying to increase the time she spends with them. She has sent emails with demands of what she wants them to do.
When we don’t respond she grows increasingly angry.
A few nights ago she called and left a voice message saying she wants the boys for a few weeks this summer around her birthday this year. I called her back and told her to back off, that she’s not their mom, she’s not part of their family, and she was not getting a say in how they are raised. She went nuts.
Then Joe’s parents called me the next day and said I should be more understanding because Lisa loved the boys and had truly wanted to be their mom. They said I am just going to ruin the boys knowing their half-siblings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a year doesn’t not make you a step mom let alone a mom. Make sure all your court documents are together and ensure you have full and total custody and cut contact with her. The children can hang out at grandparents’ together. Set boundaries now or she’ll forever be a pain.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t trust her at all especially since she tried adopting them without your bil’s consent. Is there anything she might gain from this? Inheritance? If so I think you should look into it and try to make the beneficiary only the children.
And even if she’s doing this without any ill intent she should stop forcing them to try and spend time with her. They must not trust her or something for them to ask you guys to take care of them.” jklmnopqrst2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she does sound bad especially with the way she is going on and on about it.
I can see where she could have had good intentions trying to adopt her stepchildren since their mother had passed and their father was dying. She may not have known that plans were already in place for the kids.” iammeallthetime
10. AITJ For Telling My Daughter It's Okay To Be Ugly?
“I (43m) have a daughter (13f) with my wife (44f). For the sake of the post, I’ll refer to my daughter as “Lucy” and my wife as “Mary.”
As Lucy has recently reached her teen years, Mary and I have decided it’s important to talk to her about negative influences on her body image such as unhealthy trends, Instagram, etc. My approach towards teaching Lucy about her body self-image is to tell her to focus on taking care of her body and appreciating what it does for her functionally rather than how it looks superficially.
However, Mary seems to think that the best way to promote Lucy’s self-esteem is to convince her that everyone is equally valuable and they are physically beautiful no matter what they look like.
Personally, I disagree with this approach. Lucy isn’t stupid, and she’s a tough kid, and I think she’s aware enough to know that there are varying levels of physical attractiveness and this is just a fact of the world.
When I was having a discussion with Lucy at dinner last night, I remarked “no matter what you end up looking like, it’s okay to be unattractive. You can’t derive your value from your physical looks.” I meant this to be an encouragement to her to focus on more important parts of herself than physical attractiveness.
Mary was upset with this remark and told me that I’m reducing Lucy’s self-esteem by making such callous remarks. She also said that I’m a jerk for thinking that I’d understand the pressure for young women to be beautiful in today’s society, so suggesting that Lucy could be unattractive was offensive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am telling you this is going to backfire but I doubt that you’re interested in learning. You don’t understand that your perspective is wrong. Your wife is right and maybe you should listen to a woman’s opinion on issues that affect girls and women very differently.
Everyone is beautiful just not to every human being on the planet. That’s true for every single human being. I’ve seen people who didn’t find the most conventionally attractive people good-looking. Our definition of beauty is very different not just individually but culturally. Girls do want to be pretty.
There’s nothing wrong with that. Teaching them to not be shallow about physical appearances is an important lesson but that should not be taught by reducing people to the categories of beautiful and unattractive. Her worth definitely lies in who she is as a person but her appearance is a part of it and by completely disregarding it or categorizing people as unattractive, you’re teaching her that she can be objectively unattractive which is factually inaccurate.
This will lead to her having poor self-esteem. I know many accomplished women who have self-esteem issues because their parents either considered them unattractive, compared them to others or only acknowledged them for their achievements. This is absolutely wrong and I am sad that stubborn people who are set on their opinions do not care how they inevitably damage the self-esteem of their children instead care only about being right and having things done their way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1. You are her father, the male role model, by the way she perceives you, she will, later on, decide what traits she likes in a man or does not. You are supposed to be her support network, and this like “It’s okay to be unattractive” … could be devastating.
2. You also should have FIRST approached Lucy and asked her how she felt about that talk you and her had, instead of asking the internet. We do not know Lucy, how are we supposed to know, if your poorly chosen comment actually caused any damage?
3. You and your wife have the following disagreement. She wants Lucy to believe in body positivity, you want her to focus on loving herself as a person. But somehow you forgot to realize that these two things are not mutually exclusive. I once did a clown seminar.
The very first exercise was about getting partnered up and looking at each other for 5 minutes with the explicit task of looking for beauty. My partner was by no means conventionally beautiful, but she had beautiful eyes that conveyed pride and goodness to me and that is all I wound up focusing on.
My advice, sit your daughter down, and ask her about what she understood from your talk and what you meant to say. If she even implies that she feels unattractive now… correct that and apologize for being a silly dad with silly dad words. Explain to her that her mother wants her to see beauty in everyone, because if you look hard enough, everyone has something beautiful about them.
But also explain that you do not want her to forget that external beauty is sometimes obvious, sometimes less so, but internal beauty is priceless.” GrassTerrible5262
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Telling a young girl that “it’s okay to be unattractive” when you’re that girl’s father is essentially saying, ‘You’re unattractive, but that’s okay.” I grew up with a father who told my sister and me that I was the smart daughter, and my sister was the pretty daughter.
With just that one sentence, he irreparably messed up both of us. My sister still sees herself as unintelligent, and I have never seen myself as anything but hideous. We are now 42 (my sister) and 40. How a father treats his daughters is how those daughters are likely to allow other men in their lives to treat them.
Do better.” omgpwny
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Help More With Kids And Housework After Maternity Leave?
“I (38F) and my husband (33M) have been in a relationship for over a year now and just had a baby 2 months ago. We also have 3 kids from previous relationships. After we had the baby I went on maternity leave and became the sole person to clean the house, get up with the baby in the night (since I breastfeed), and take care of the kids, since my husband worked. For your information, my husband does help cook and take care of the cat boxes.
I advised my husband that when I went back to work he would need to step up and help more with kids and housework. I have been back to work for 3 weeks now and I am still pretty much taking care of the housework and kids.
My husband will cook once or twice a week and take care of the cat boxes and only do other things if I say something.
Today we got into an argument because he feels he is too exhausted after work because his job is too demanding.
I told him I am also exhausted from having to get up with the baby at night, go to work, come home and clean, and cook a lot of the time. I told him he needs to suck it up because I need help. AITJ for how I went about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but just this bit of advice for the both of you… once you get into scorekeeping (I”m more tired than you so…) everybody loses. There needs to be a division of labor and everyone needs to hold up their end.
So even tell him- look- sorry I approached it the way I did, but I’m telling you, that this isn’t working for me, I’m struggling. We both work full time and the division of chores is nowhere near equal. What do you propose?” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“Ughhh. He should have been helping more the entire time. Maternity leave isn’t a vacation. You’re supposed to rest, heal, and care for your newborn (which is a job in and of itself). Not take care of all the house responsibilities, three older kids, and the baby primarily solo.
It infuriates me that so many women never fully heal because of their deadbeat husbands. I would recommend you two sit down and do this checklist together. Come to an agreement on who’s in charge of what. You deserve to be supported. You shouldn’t have to remind him of his responsibilities either.
He’s a big boy. He is exploiting your unpaid labor and just being lazy. Those are his kids too. He lives in that house too. It’s equally his burden. And he should be picking up at least a few night feeds. The comment about how you shouldn’t keep score is annoying.
That’s not what you’re doing. You’re communicating repeatedly that you’re overwhelmed and burnt out, and your husband is failing to change and step up. A father and husband’s job isn’t just going to work. You do that too. Obviously NTJ.” TryUseful6038
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – You are not a jerk for needing help, however having already had 3 kids between the two of you, the baby is 2 months (+ 9-month pregnancy), and the relationship is (only) over 1 year…there could have been some foreshadowing of these issues with a little forethought.
Given the circumstances are irreversibly what they are now, who has the most labor-intensive job? Who works more hours? Whose got the availability and ability to do what chores/tasks? Whose decision was it to get pregnant/keep the pregnancy if not mutual? (Relevant if either party felt compelled to comply for the sake of keeping the relationship and is now feeling worse as the consequences of the one-sided decision mount).
Scorekeeping is detrimental to the overall relationship in any situation, but it’s not exactly easy to prioritize your bond and empathy with demands from four kids and work banging down your door. I would recommend having long overdue conversations whenever you two are in a calm state because the future and happiness of your blended household depends on it.” 3tzamani
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Rent After Renovating My Partner's House?
“My partner and I have been together for 2 years.
Against my advice, she bought a house in what I thought (and still do think) was a risky market that could really backfire. Regardless, she pulled the trigger and I have been supportive ever since. Everything had to be ripped out and fully renovated. She has no experience in renovation but knew I am very familiar with and experienced in this type of work.
The house was purchased with 2 weeks of our apartment lease left. During those 2 weeks, I spent about 30 hours with the needed demolition alone. By the time we moved in the kitchen, living room, and laundry room were not functional or finished. The bedrooms had carpet with a mattress on the floor.
I have now spent over a hundred hours and many weekends away from friends and other hobbies to make it livable. She does try to be helpful and work on it as much as I do but lacks the experience.
The end of the month comes by and her mortgage comes due and she asks me to pay rent and I asked her how she could possibly think that’s fair considering all the work I have done and that I think a month of free rent is more than fair.
I can understand my fault for the lack of communication and my brashness when asked for rent. Now she’s upset and crying.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, I wouldn’t put another hour into this house that’s only in her name. What will happen if your relationship ends?
You’re going to be SO bitter. If she can pay the mortgage alone, you could volunteer to do work in exchange for your rent being cheaper, or just pay your part of the bills and do nothing on the house. But, both? This is such a bad idea.
NTJ, but don’t stay in this situation. Not without some kind of contract or equity in the house.” crystallz2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she should have told you when you moved in that she was going to be needing rent money. It would be like you sending her an invoice for all of the work you have done after the work was completed. She can’t expect you to fix her house and pay her to do it basically.
I would sit down with her and come up with a fair trade either she starts paying for your work and you pay rent or you both write it off as an even trade. Although she seems to be getting the better end of the deal considering how much it would cost her to have someone else do it.” Whatsausername2493
Another User Comments:
“Saying anyone is the jerk here is too harsh. It’s more of a lack of communication than jerkiness. On one hand, you committed to paying a certain amount in rent. She may have already spent $600 on building supplies and is now $600 short on her mortgage.
She may have been depending on the amount you committed to pay. Then you put in hours of labor, and feel as if you should be paid for your work, but didn’t discuss your feelings that you should get paid. How was she supposed to know?
If she had brought it up early on, would you have felt insulted that she was trying to pay you for something you offered to do? My point here is talking about money matters can be very hard in intimate relationships. That doesn’t make you or her the jerk.
But you do need to talk. A lot.” tokiemccoy
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Stepdad After Making Sexist Remarks About My Unborn Daughter?
“I (32m) have a stepdad. My biological father divorced my mom after he found someone he loved. I like my stepmom; she’s very sweet and kind to me and everyone.
My stepdad is a jerk. He’s a racist guy and a bit sexist.
My wife (30f) is pregnant, roughly 5 months. We didn’t do a gender reveal party. My wife got a cake with the gender in the middle, blue if a boy and pink if a girl.
My wife filmed it and I sent it to my mom and dad. The next day my parents came over (my mom and dad are okay-ish friends). They started to bring up the conversation about us having a girl, my stepdad made a comment along the lines of “quick get rid of it!” I was shocked and angry and so was everyone else.
My dad and stepmom yelled at him while he grinned. I told him to leave so nothing else happened. He started saying “it’s just a joke.” It wasn’t a funny one.
Later that evening I was in the living room when my mom texted me saying “please apologize to your dad.” I told her no, he isn’t my dad and he is never seeing my daughter.
She blocked me.
He texted me after 5 minutes saying “it was a joke don’t get so mad about it.” I told him to screw off. Childish response I know. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did well. “Just a joke” is what bigots say when they get caught out being bigoted. Or mean, or wrong, or whatever.
Your life, your health, your choices. Stick to your guns. The last thing your daughter needs is such a male chauvinist pig for a grandfather. If you do kiss and make up at a later date – don’t trust him to not be inappropriate around her with sexist remarks.
I’d keep an eye on that.” Exact_Purchase765
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and congratulations to you and your wife on the pregnancy. Your stepdad knew exactly what he was saying and you were WAY nicer than I would have been. I think total no contact with the stepdad as I can only imagine what lovely things he would say to your daughter as she is growing up.
As for your mom, she has made her choice at least for now. If she changes her mind I would suggest never allowing her to have any alone time with your child as long as stepdad is in her life. Also please be careful of any relatives of your mom especially if they offer to help with your daughter.
Plenty of postings about where a relative decided they knew better while watching the child included the forbidden relatives.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“The best advice I’ve ever heard on these ‘jokes’ is to ask the teller to explain why it’s so funny. Like keep saying, I don’t get it.
I don’t understand. Why is your sexist joke so funny? Explain the funny bit. It usually stops them cold. Sexist joke, racist joke. They stumble around for an explanation and end up looking like fools. You could also look up statistics on your phone, of gender-related crimes and start reading them aloud.
When they say stop, tell them that you’re trying to understand their ‘joke’ and why it was harmless/funny. This works for other inappropriate subjects too. But for the sake of your daughter, keep them away from her. Congrats, by the way.” 101037633
6. AITJ For Reporting My Ex's Friend To HR After He Spread Rumors?
“I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago, but he is under the impression I did it because of someone else.
I sit next to a male coworker, who has been on every team I’ve been on since I started here, so we will talk to each other casually to ask questions/for help, but I’ve never spoken to him outside of work, and definitely do not plan to.
My ex’s friend sits right behind me, and about a week ago I offered my coworker my smoothie because I realized there was an ingredient I am allergic to, and I didn’t want to waste it, so I gave it to him. My ex’s friend had been sitting right behind me and told my ex about this.
My ex messaged me off of a fake social media account going off about how I was probably being unfaithful, how I left him for my coworker, etc. So I blocked the social media account, and the next day I reported my coworker/ex’s friend to HR.
Well, he ended up getting fired, I really don’t know why exactly, but he said it was because of the report I made, but all I wanted was for him to move seats. Well now some of my coworkers have been giving me the side eye, and my one coworker said that I should’ve spoken to him privately because it wasn’t that big of a deal but instead, I cost him his job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not even know if that actually got him fired. Let’s step back here. The friend told the ex supposedly one incident of what was going on at work. Is it creepy and invasive, absolutely. Is it likely a fireable offense, maybe it really depends on the workplace and I’d say many are not proactive about this stuff.
There is a good chance all your report did was cause HR to take a really close look at his conduct and they found something, or it was the cherry on top of something else. Of course if this is the case is the guy going to admit he had it coming, or is he going to blame someone he sees as betraying his friend?
My bet he got fired your complaint was the cherry on top and not the actual reason and he is telling everyone this because he dislikes you and knows you’re an easy scapegoat so he doesn’t have to be accountable for any of his actions and can play the victim.” RevolutionaryPin6091
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Well now some of my coworkers have been giving me the side eye, and my one coworker said that I should’ve spoken to him privately because it wasn’t that big of a deal but instead I cost him his job.” He spied on you, reported your actions to an outside party, you were confronted by an unknown account based on his report of your actions, and your co-workers think you are unreasonable.
You were not unreasonable, HR rarely gets to termination on first offenses unless it is something huge (which I would consider this huge). You showed him the same consideration of discussion he showed you and escalated it properly rather than to a third party.” PetraphobicDruid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. When working in a professional capacity you have to realize that what you do in your off time, especially on social media directly impacts your job and if people aren’t aware of that that’s not your fault.
They can’t bully you on social media and not get away with it at work I mean clearly there’s some kind of disconnect and he’s probably doing it to somebody else. There’s probably something seriously wrong with that coworker and you probably weren’t the first person to report them.
Social media is such a slippery slope and people aren’t the brightest of creatures when they use social media. I just started a job and they just went over this in class about how you’re not supposed to post stuff on social media about work for legal reasons even if it’s about another coworker…..
so he put the nail in his own coffin. Social media is drama anyways…..” bloomingpoppies
5. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Grad Student Teacher Over Her Office Hours Policy?
“I am finishing up my second year of college. I was taking a required writing class this semester and it’s been a very mixed bag. My teacher is really frustrating. I got a grad student and it’s been a major issue. She just doesn’t seem to have time for this class at all even though it’s her job.
It would take her three weeks just to grade our papers and even the feedback was useless because it’s not like we could fix it once the assignment was already in. She’d only look at drafts if we set up an appointment during her office hours.
So we’d have to set up the appointment and send her the draft no less than 24 hours before. Meaning you’d have to be done with your paper way before the due date since her office hours were on Wednesdays and the papers were always due on Friday nights.
She said she would be willing to meet outside of just Wednesdays but only offered like three hours each day.
The main issue that is leading me to consider filing a report against her is that this week we have our final paper due and last week we had one-on-one conferences.
Regular class was canceled and we had like minute slots to talk about our projects. I signed up for my slot but had to cancel it because I couldn’t finish a draft in time. I then had to cancel my second slot because I started to take an online final an hour before since I thought I’d be done in time but I wasn’t.
I emailed her and explained the situation and asked her what time she’d be willing to meet this week, and she said that she had an “extremely limited” amount of time given that it’s finals week and sent me her time slots. None of them could work so I asked if she could open up one additional slot for me.
She emailed back and said that she could not and that there was no reason I would have to miss the previous two since they were during normal class time. Basically “normally you’d be here so why did you have other plans.”
Here’s the thing, what if I was sick?
Or had an emergency situation? People are allowed a certain number of absences from class for these reasons so it’s really insane to assume that nothing would EVER conflict with normal class time. I now am left in a position where I don’t have the benefit of a conference with my teacher and I’m at a disadvantage for the final paper.
Given that I am not being given the same tools for success as the other students, I decided this was an issue for our university’s Equal Access Office.
One of my friends was also denied an office hour appointment at the beginning of the semester because her time was full so I asked her if she wanted to file a complaint with me.
She said I was being “insane” and that this was all my fault. I however still believe that it is the teacher’s responsibility to give me equal access to a tool for success and I am not getting that. My friend said not to file a report because it’s not the teacher’s fault.
WIBTJ if I still did it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have mismanaged your time and appointments. You mismanaged getting the paper done and then scheduled something else during “class time.” Both were within your control. In a job (eg sales presentation, meeting for clarification with a director etc etc) rescheduling once every now and then is ok, but not one meeting after another.
Grad students are paid very little to teach and have limited hours to be available. Your expectation that other people should readjust to their commitments due to your failings is confusing. Think about this, if 25% of the students cancelled just ONCE it is unlikely she would get around to all of them.
Yet you believe you deserve a THIRD appointment. I honestly don’t think she would be in trouble if you reported her, likely you would end up looking like an idiot. Added to which if you need to report something for real next time this could count against you.” ToliverToo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A grad student has a class load, too. Or, they are working on research/completing their dissertation. This is their job, but they are usually paid poverty wages to do it. They are not allowed to do any other work, or they’d get kicked out of the program.
Even summer jobs can get you kicked out. You getting a chance to submit a draft is part of the learning process, but you must take advantage of it. In fact, if you had been experiencing an illness or a death in the family, I bet your instructor would have made time for you.
To report someone and potentially threaten their career is selfish and immature. One low grade will not be detrimental to your academic and future career. Learn your lesson, ask for help with time management, ask for help with organization, and then do better.” contextISeverything
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. This is your fault. The teacher’s time doesn’t revolve around you and you alone. From your perspective, it may seem like she should have all the time in the world for you, but that’s simply not the case. It appears from what you’ve written that she does have a lot of time to give (three hours a day is a lot), yet you complain it’s not more?
She offers to look at your paper 2-3 days in advance of the hand-in time so you can make any suggested changes, and it’s not good enough because you feel it’s too early? Would you prefer she looked at them an hour before you have to hand them in to give suggestions for changes?
Finals week can be crazy for teachers, but if you had been sick, I’m sure she would have made allowances. It seems like you feel like you’re owed special favors for some reason.” Zero_point_field
4. AITJ For Being Annoyed That My Partner Expects Me To Pay Him Back For Dates?
“My partner (24m) and I (23f) have been together for a little over 2 months. In that time, I’ve moved out of home and become pretty much entirely financially independent.
I also work 2 jobs, and even with those I still don’t have a whole lot of disposable income left.
My partner lives at home, doesn’t pay rent, and doesn’t need to pay for daily needs like food and bills. When we go on outings and I’m running a bit low on funds, he’ll offer to pay but write down how much I owe him to pay at a later time.
Mostly it’s only amounts lower than $50AUD because it’s just splitting dinner or things like that. He knows the financial struggle I have and yet rarely offers to just pay for something without expecting it back.
AITJ for feeling annoyed that he’s being this stingy?
Obviously, I’m not expecting him to pay everything for me, and I know that I’m in charge of my own financial situation. But I just feel like he is not being very empathetic of my monetary circumstances when he himself is still very financially dependent on his parents.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, because it is your responsibility to tell your partner “no, I can’t financially afford to do this”. If they choose to cover the full cost for said activity that’s on them. It is not fair of a person to compare your own financial situation against another person’s & expect them to compensate for the difference.
You can never expect someone to know the thoughts and struggles in your mind if you don’t tell them. If he was saying, “I’ll pay” and then when the check comes change his tune, that’s a logical annoyance. But you can’t hold something against someone if you haven’t communicated the issue to them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I had an ex like this, only it was more than whatever he spent he made a note of, but conveniently forgot when I paid for things. Man, he was mean. ESH. I get that you resent him still living at home and having more free cash than you, but that’s not his fault and it doesn’t mean that he should spend it on you.
It would be nice for him to offer every now and then, just as I’m sure you would if the situation was reversed. And it sounds as though you’re under the impression that he was saying “I’ll get it” meaning “I’ll pay” not “I’ll get it and add it to your tab.” You can fix it by a) dumping him (drastic and probably overkill), b) having a talk with him about how you feel or c) just not going out when you don’t have money.
When he asks why you’re not going out, tell him you can’t afford it and you don’t want a loan either. I know it really sucks to be short of cash. I’m sure you’re doing a great job of standing on your own two feet, which is certainly more than he’s doing.
It’s going to get better and one day this will all be a distant memory.” stropette
Another User Comments:
“ESH I just mean this in terms of who’s to “blame.” I feel like many of the comments I see so far are acting on the idea that typically you just offer to pay for the other person if you can in a lot of cultures, especially romantic ones.
Writing down the amounts seems really weird if he’s not worried about his own financials, but that’s a personal thing. Some people keep really close track of that kind of stuff and some don’t. But if your finances aren’t up to going out and spending money, don’t do it.
(Not that you shouldn’t spend any money on recreation, but it’s gotta stay in budget) Trying to make a new SO responsible for your recreation budget can be pretty dicey, and it’s not hard to overcome with a bit of planning.” Mentat228
3. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Dress To Match The Bride's New Wedding Color Scheme?
“I am not in the wedding party but I am good friends with the bride. To be clear there isn’t really a wedding party and there is only a MOH. So a few months ago I sent the bride a photo of my dress (black with a few purple flowers on it).
She said it was cute and approved of it.
Last night I was out with her and some of the other girls going to the wedding and I brought up my dress. Apparently, since I originally sent her the photo of my dress she has changed the color scheme of the wedding and is asking me to wear a different dress to match the color scheme.
The discussion got very heated because it is only a few weeks before the wedding, I am not in the wedding party, and she already approved of my dress.
AITJ for refusing to change the dress I’m wearing?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been to numerous weddings as a guest and never did it even occur to me to get the bride’s approval of what I was going to wear.
I have a few good outfits that I wear to these events and rarely buy a new outfit for a wedding. Even when I was the mother of the bride for my three daughters’ weddings, I didn’t seek their approval for my dress. I think they know me well enough to realize I wouldn’t show up in something ridiculous!
For bridesmaids and MOH, that would be the bride’s choice of course.” Leading-Knowledge712
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only time I can think of where it might be ok for the bride and groom to request (not demand) a color scheme for non-wedding party guests is if they know every person has the disposable income for it and the time to get an outfit to fit the theme.
Like having a black and white ball, or a masquerade, or even a costume party. While those don’t really scream ‘wedding’ to me, there may be some people who prefer to make the wedding a party more than a wedding. The couple should be prepared for the guests to treat it less like a wedding and more like a party if they go for a “theme” event.
And they should fully expect most people will not go along with the theme if they do attend. And it’s the same as a destination wedding, there will also be some that won’t go because of the logistics. I can imagine how pretty it might be if there was one unifying color story for everyone in the pictures, but the people you care for are far more important than the aesthetic.
I hope this trend dies out.” Ok_Expression7723
Another User Comments:
“There is some mean girl nonsense going on here. The guests’ color scheme (wild, but I digress) is so important to her that she has to approve your dresses in advance. But it’s now a few weeks before the wedding and she only thinks to tell you she’s changed everything because YOU happened to mention your dress in front of her and the other girls…?
I’m very cynical, so forgive me if I’m reaching, but is there a pattern of you being left out of things with this friend/group? Had the topic never come up, what would everyone’s reaction be to you showing up in a dress that clashed with her precious color scheme?
NTJ.” Normal-Whereas-5595
2. AITJ For Treating My Younger Brother Like My Son Instead Of My Sibling?
“I (27f) am much older than my little brother (15m), and yes we have the same parents.
I’ll admit I don’t see him as my brother much, and I’m kinda motherly to him. Our parents are amazing but I still sometimes feel protective of him, and I don’t know why. My brother stopped coming to me for advice when he realized that everything I would tell him would just be the same thing that our mom and dad would say, which makes me feel sad.
Yesterday, my brother visited me at my house (our parents and he only live like thirty minutes away), and one of the first things he asked was if we could have a more typical little brother-big sister (although he’s waaaaaaay taller than me now lol) relationship rather me being a bit of a second mom.
I said I couldn’t because no matter how hard I try, I can only see him as a little kid that I always took care of and cuddled and not someone who I grew up with. He got upset at me and told me that he didn’t “need another controlling parent.””
Another User Comments:
“I.N.F.O. Did you ask what he meant by wanting a more sibling-like relationship? Or did he elaborate? You two need to talk this out together. Ask him what it is he wants from you, what he wants your relationship to look like.
Ask yourself if what he wants is reasonable and if so, you then need to do the work to accommodate that, and he should be understanding if you slip up. But whatever the case, you still need to work on it. He doesn’t need another parent, but you should explain that it’s hard to separate the child you saw change into the young adult he is growing up to be.
He is starting to be his own person, and that should be respected. You both need an honest talk and to figure out expectations and reasonable compromises. Because you’re dismissing his feelings without trying to probe deeper, YTJ.” citrushibiscus
Another User Comments:
“Big FAT YTJ.
I’m the older sister. I HAD to parent my younger siblings. I gave them everything I could. Honestly, it was a relief when they asked me “can I come at you as a friend instead of a parent?” I could FINALLY be a sister to my siblings.
I could be a friend instead of the one who punished or scolded them. If you want to be a mom so bad, adopt, have a baby, or something else. Your younger brother is not your child and is growing into his own adult person.
Actually. Don’t have kids. You’ll probably make them into “your babies” their whole life and they will probably leave you too for being too overbearing.” guessmyageidareyou
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was parentified to the point of raising my brothers, but as adults, I have never treated them as children.
It’s true, I give them the same advice a parent would on most things, but after the advice – WHICH I ONLY GIVE WHEN ASKED – we go back to our normal sibling relationship. On top of that, I have lived with the youngest brother for nearly 14 years now, we’ve bought 2 houses together, and I have never treated him like “the baby” the entire time.
And I see all your comments about how it’s going to take time to adjust, but you didn’t say ANY of that in your original post. You said you straight up refused and couldn’t do any differently “no matter how hard you tried.” Well, that’s fine.
He’s just going to write you out of his life the moment he can. Yeah, you’re going to have to adjust, and you’re going to have to do it FAST if you want to maintain a relationship with him. You can start by apologizing and by asking him for further details and examples of how he would like you to respond to him.” HappyElephant82
1. AITJ For Thinking My Brother's Rules Are A Little Extreme?
“I have 6 brothers and sisters.
All of us have kids already except for one of my brothers and me because my son hasn’t been born yet. All of our cousins on both sides of our family have kids too. My brother does babysit often but his requirements are really strict and I honestly think he should relax a bit.
His backyard has a 6-foot fence and 4-5 feet of patio slab between the fence of his house and the inground pool. No lawn or anything else. Most of the yard is taken up by the pool. My brother will babysit babies at his house but then as soon as they are mobile he won’t babysit them there until they have taken swimming lessons or learned to swim enough to pass an intermediate swimming test. Once they do that he’ll babysit at his own house but before that, it’s always at their own house or on an outing.
If he has people over whether there are kids or not he appoints someone who must watch the pool non-stop even if one person is in it. Even an adult who can swim fine. Or he does it himself. No phone or other distractions for whoever that is.
He says since his house is at the top of a hill and all the ones in his suburb are bungalows there’s no way to see over the fence and from inside his house the pool is only visible from the kitchen. The living room and bedrooms look out the front or the driveway.
So if anyone was in the pool none of the neighbors would realize.
The fence is 6 feet high and not climbable. Moreover, the gate to the backyard is metal and double locked from the inside, plus the back door to the yard is also double locked and chained high enough that a child can’t reach it.
Both kitchen windows are locked and have child-proof latches even though he doesn’t have kids. He has a camera and motion sensors in his yard which send an alert to his phone if anything even an animal moves out there. I understand being safe around the water but I think when it comes to babysitting my nieces and nephews or our cousins he’s too strict about the not doing at his house until they can swim.
His yard is like Fort Knox it is impossible for a child to get in on their own and nearly impossible for an adult even. Plus if even a bird flies into the yard he is aware of it. Again I understand water safety is important.
But I believe he’s taking his babysitting requirements too far and if he’s properly supervising it shouldn’t be an issue. My wife agrees and I’ve heard some grumbling about how he won’t babysit at his own house among a few of my siblings or cousins.
Everyone loves and appreciates how involved he is with the kids but some of us think the requirements are a bit over the top.
My brother wasn’t happy when I brought it up and mentioned he should loosen the reins. AITJ for bringing it up?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother is being cautious while babysitting young children. The rules don’t even seem unreasonable, requirements about the kids having some form of swimming practice once they’re old enough to get around on their own and not leaving them unsupervised near the pool at any time seem logical. Also, something that stood out to me was: “he appoints someone who must watch the pool non-stop even if one person is in it.
Even an adult who can swim fine. Or he does it himself. No phone or other distractions for whoever that is.” Followed by: “if he’s properly supervising it shouldn’t be an issue.” He is properly supervising, and that supervision was one of your specific complaints.
Your brother wants to prevent any of the kids he babysits from being hurt or worse, and is setting his boundaries for babysitting accordingly. Not to mention he’s doing this all for free and could simply refuse to babysit at all.” Peppermint_Sonata
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. His house his rules. Yes maybe he is on the more extreme side of this, but honestly, I can’t blame him. Those pool deaths you hear on the news are absolutely tragic. He may have all these preventative measures but it takes only one mistake, and it’s his right to not be comfortable with that small risk.
He would also be liable if something did happen. Absolutely every child should be taught to swim as soon as they can. It’s an important skill. I don’t get what the problem is if he offers the alternate solution of babysitting at the child’s home instead, which is usually how babysitting is done.
All the supplies are at the home, I think that’s much easier for everyone as there’s no packing a bag of all the child’s needs. It sounds like he babysits out of kindness. I don’t know if he is demanding a fee or not, but I assume he is not or it’s much cheaper than hiring a sitter.
The price of such conveniences is accepting his rules. It’s selfish to demand he change his ways when he is offering a service that would otherwise be more expensive and/or with a family outsider you may not readily trust.” RevolutionaryPin6091
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – when I was 8, I climbed my friend’s fence and jumped into their pool, which only had 2 feet of water.
Since this pool was an above-ground pool with low water, I was unable to climb out and called for help until the neighbors heard me and were able to help me out. My friend’s parents got rid of the pool. Kids can climb and a kid can drown in seconds.
Your brother is vigilant. Good for him. His house, his rules. Get over it. And maybe, he doesn’t want snotty, little toddlers running all over his house and found a way not to be stuck with them. He owes you and the rest of your leach family, nothing.” Due-Atmosphere-1769
