People Face Their Fears In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Name Our Baby After My Husband's Deceased Friend?
“I (25F) and my husband(27M) have a complicated history together, especially concerning his family. I met him on a blind date when we were both in college, and he asked me to be his partner on our second date. He’s always been sweet, trying to be considerate of my feelings especially when it comes to his family.
His mother has always been against our relationship from the start, mostly due to the reasons I think I might be the jerk here.
He had a friend, let’s call her Annie who passed away when he was a teenager. He’s always been close with her, and he always insisted they were platonic.
However, his mother always talked about how they were supposed to get married as adults and I was his “second choice” and he wouldn’t have married me if she was alive. It’s always hurt in all honesty, and I’ve tried as hard as I can to be accommodating to her and her grief as she cared about Annie a lot and was even friends with her mother.
Annie was a great girl, and I do wish I could have gotten to know her but it hurts being constantly compared to the woman my husband could have been with, especially since we already have a son who his mother isn’t allowed to see because of her insistence that he’s not her “real grandbaby” because he isn’t Annie’s
So this is where I think I probably overreacted and could be the jerk, we found out two months ago that we were having a baby girl and we were ecstatic! I was worried he’d be one of those boy-only fathers, but he almost cried finding out we’d have a girl.
Our son is also over the moon, constantly talking to his sister and asking for her name…which has become an issue as he recently asked to name our daughter after Annie, which was upsetting especially since his mother is so hung up about them being together.
We ended up arguing slightly and I’m currently staying with my son at a friend’s house.
Am I overthinking this? I just don’t know what to do, his mom has been blowing up my messages (I don’t even know how she got my messenger, me and I haven’t spoken to her since our son’s first birthday) and my mama has just told me to stop arguing over it and just let him choose her name since she’s his only daughter, any advice is appreciated I need a nonbias opinion.
My friend says that I was overreacting for leaving but I just needed time for myself, and I don’t want to confront him right now. I know I can be sensitive without realizing so much input is appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ saw a post that may have been hubby earlier.
Wanting to name your child with a name that has caused so much trauma in your relationship is unfair to you. Due to his mother’s behavior, his friend’s name is now off the card. Your daughter will also be favored over your son because she is the memorial to Annie.
This name is now toxic to your marriage the fact he let it get to the point you have had to leave your home whilst pregnant is not right. You can get by it but he needs to understand that he could damage the relationship between you and your daughter before she is born, cause resentment with her brother because she is a favorite, and cause trauma for you every time her name is mentioned. Good luck” GapApprehensive3184
Another User Comments:
“NTJ His mum won’t accept her grandson??? That’s a no-contact right there. How has your husband dealt with that if my mother did that I’d go scorched earth. Do not name your baby Annie, or Anna, or anything remotely linked to that now.
The link with Annie is toxic for your family and it needs to be shut down. Although from what you said about her she’d be fuming about the way his mum is behaving. Your husband needs to get on board with Annie not being a name option and he needs to sort his mother out or cut her out.” Grouchywhennhungry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your MIL is awful and must get over herself. Similarly, your husband knows his mother has been comparing you to Annie. It’s been many years and they weren’t meant to be because she’s not here anymore.
I also don’t think you’re wrong for wanting a bit of space. Him asking you to name your child after Annie validates all your worst thoughts and that’s scary and awful. I think you need to have an honest conversation with your hubby tell him how you feel and take it from there.
You shouldn’t have to name your baby something you don’t wanna name it. You’re the one who’s sacrificing your body and putting your life at risk to bring life into this world. You should have more say on the name IMO” Sirensongstress11.
19. AITJ For Not Supporting My Wife Over A Swedish Birthday Song?
“I (52 m) and my wife (47 f) already have three kids (13m, 13f, and 20 f) but a few months back we felt like we could use a breath of fresh air so we signed up to take a foreign exchange student for a year.
We have a 16-year-old Swedish girl that I will call Sara and that has worked very well, she’s very open and honest and loves to share how things are in Sweden and how different things are here in the US. It was her birthday just a few days ago so we gathered around the laptop while she was video-calling her family and they started singing in Swedish but the song was particularly longer and more repetitive so after the call I asked her about it and she explained that some families in Sweden sing a song where they talk about shooting, hanging and drowning the birthday person after they turn a 100.
My wife overheard this and started to get annoyed because in her words “it was inappropriate and extremely disrespectful to her household” when she sang that without her knowing. My wife isn’t naturally sensitive to bad language or words but when she was born she had a 60-year-old dad who died when he was 96 so she is more conscious about how elderly people can feel just before they are about to die and she felt like the song was making fun of people when they are old and sick.
Me and the twins were embarrassed while standing there so I asked her to calm down and that it was just a Swedish joke song that wasn’t even meant that way but she just started ranting about how it was her house too and that she shouldn’t be afflicted to such derogatory language behind her back.
Sarah felt bad and tried to apologize and that she didn’t mean to be disrespectful in that way and that it was just her family singing the song but my wife just stormed out and yelled how she couldn’t believe we had taken in a girl from such a cruel family.
I tried to talk to her in our room right after I assured Sara that she didn’t do anything wrong and to just pay no mind. My wife was more upset at me for not supporting and agreeing with her and started to cry about how I knew what she had gone through concerning her father but didn’t back her up.
The house has been extremely tense especially when all of us are in the same room but I don’t understand how a Swedish song could make her so upset. But I’m wondering if I should have taken my wife’s side and been more sympathetic.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, your wife sounds American. And I say that as an American myself. She’s being completely intolerant of something from another culture–sung in a language she doesn’t even understand, for Pete’s sake. Your wife still has a lot of grief around the death of her father, it sounds like, which is understandable, but she needs to find a better way to process that grief than to take it out on an undeserving teenager she voluntarily took into her house.
We commonly roast people here on their birthday or retirement and say things which, on the face of it, are quite rude. We also sing a CHILDREN’s song “Rock a Bye Baby” which talks about “**When the bough breaks the cradle will fall / And down will come, baby, cradle and all**” which is essentially about the death of a baby infant.
You are NTJ. Sara did nothing wrong either. Your wife is the jerk here.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:*
“NTJ – your wife has now created a very unhealthy environment for Sara who is just a teen. Your wife needs therapy because of her reaction to a child saying she is from a cruel family – the only person being cruel is your wife.
A word of advice to both of you – if you’re not in a mentally healthy place to host someone from a different culture, don’t do it. You can’t expect people from different places to operate in the same way as you and to call them cruel when they don’t.
I looked up the song and yeah, your wife needs help…if she can’t process a song meant to be fun, used by a whole country (not a cruel family) because she had a much older Dad – her singular experience does not trump a whole country.
Also, for her to go off like that in front of Sara for something Sara herself didn’t do – your wife just sullied the breath of fresh air you thought you wanted. Please do not host again.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s just a tradition and it’s obvious that the song is not serious and no one is going to hang the elderly.
And I truly feel very bad for Sarah, she’s a 16-year-old child in a foreign country, away from her family and everyone she knows, and you guys are supposed to be her safe space and family there. As a former exchange student, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable and bad she felt after hearing your wife talk like that and act as if Sarah had done something wrong when the tradition probably existed before Sarah was even born.
Even if the song truly hurt your wife she shouldn’t have acted this way! She’s an adult woman picking a fight with a child who has nowhere else to go!” Uni-struggles
18. AITJ For Bribing My Brother To Vote For Mom's Partner To Join Our Family Vacation?
“I (22M) have 4 younger siblings: 20M, 19F, 17F, & 14M. My mom is currently planning a family vacation for winter break. My parents are divorced, and my mom has a partner she’s been with for almost 2 years.
In those 2 years, my mom has gone on vacation with her partner a couple of times, but all our family vacations have been without him. My mom asked my siblings and me if we would be willing to invite him on our vacation in December.
There are mixed feelings between my siblings about this. I like the guy and would enjoy him coming on vacation with us. However, my sisters specifically seem to have an issue with it. My mom gave us a few days to think about it and said we could vote on it.
Pre-vote I figured that it would only be me and my 20M brother voting in favor of the partner coming on vacation. This was frustrating because my youngest 3 siblings didn’t really have a good reason as to why they didn’t want him coming.
This felt mean on a couple of fronts.
Firstly, our mom’s partner is a nice guy and has been nothing but kind to my siblings and me. He recently built my youngest sister a custom bookcase for her bedroom. Secondly, it’s mean to our mom who does so much and has sacrificed so much for us.
Why shouldn’t she be able to go on vacation with all the people she loves?
I decided to convince my little brother to change his mind. I think he was mainly going to vote no because of his allegiance to our father. He’s the only one of my siblings who still has a relationship with our dad and is always going out of his way to please him.
He was easily bought. I told him if he voted for the partner to come on vacation, I would buy him whatever PS5 game he wanted.
We voted last weekend and as only my sisters voted against him my mom booked the vacation to include her partner.
However, when my mom asked my brother where he got the video game from, he told her about me buying it for him and why. She was mad and told my sisters about it.
This has sort of opened a moral dilemma within my family because, at this point, we can’t really uninvite the guy.
But in my opinion, if my brother’s vote could be so easily bought, he wouldn’t feel that strongly about it in the first place.
My sisters have both called me a jerk and seem more upset than I thought they would be. AITJ or is it them for not having a good reason not to invite him in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“Your siblings don’t need a reason. So what you did was attempt to manipulate the situation so you’d get what you wanted. Your Sisters should refuse to go. They’re at an age they don’t have to go on family vacations and if they are unhappy with the arrangement they shouldn’t be forced into it. YTJ” Vapin-All-Day
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Backroom deals between siblings are often how stuff gets done. In this case, you’re helping to bring your mom’s partner more into the family (as it seems the relationship is progressing) and I don’t think that’s a bad thing, especially since you, your brother, and your mother think he’s a good fit for your family.
But now – can/worms everywhere have occurred. Sibling meeting time. It’s time for you and your brother to be honest with your sisters (should have done this in the first place). Listen to them and their concerns, you’re their older brothers. Then give them your perspective.
They won’t ever like him if they never give him a chance…and from what you say, he’s trying here. They should too. After all, your mom deserves a second chance at love.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You don’t get to decide what’s a ‘good enough’ reason for them to not want him there.
If they don’t want that you should respect it. And if they’re upset about this, it is probably deeper for them than you realize. Also, it’s great that you want to look out for your mom, but you shouldn’t be deciding what’s best for everyone on your own.
Your mom chose to let the kids get a fair say and you decided you knew better than her and them to sway the choice to what you thought was best.” SupermarketNeat4033
17. AITJ For Preferring Morning Meetups At My House With My Friend?
“My (34F) friend (33F) and I meet up occasionally to catch up and have done so all our adult life.
In the last couple of years, she barely tries to meet me and if I suggest it, she often says she’s not available even though I see her meeting up with other friends a lot.
I tried to arrange something recently and it seemed obvious she wasn’t keen so I asked what was wrong and why she hardly wanted to meet me.
She said that it’s because I only ever want to meet in the mornings and usually just want it to be at my house sitting on my sofa talking.
She said she’s not a morning person but doesn’t mind going out for something nice like brunches which is one of the things I see her doing a lot with others.
She said otherwise she just doesn’t enjoy meeting up in the mornings and finds it boring just sitting in my living room talking, she’s happy to do it occasionally if that’s what I prefer but after all these years she’s tired of this being our social life and taking time from her day for it specially.
She said she’s tried to organize meals out in the evening with me, coffee meet-ups in the afternoon, and also morning brunches somewhere, but that I just always make it clear I want to meet at my house (and sometimes hers) and that it’s okay to do that once in a while to catch up but if that’s all we do it feels really awkward and not exactly her idea of fun.
I said I’ve seen her going to other people’s houses too, sometimes even in the late morning. She said yes and hesitated and then said that those people actually host with a little spread of food and drinks and make it a fun social event and there are more people there too.
I said that’s not fair as it’s just us two in our scenario but I have tried to invite a mutual friend before, and that I always offer her a tea/coffee when she comes. She said yes I do and that she’s not complaining but it’s not the same and there’s a big difference.
I also explained how I had agreed to meet with her for a meal out or a coffee meet before, she said she can count those on one hand after all these years and that she’s tired of always having to try to convince me and not getting anywhere and that she’s accepted that I just want to only socialize in my own way and she finds it hard to make the effort for these meet-ups which she doesn’t enjoy.
It was an awkward conversation and not exactly pleasant for me but I guess it was honest. I honestly never saw anything wrong with our meet-ups, to me they were just nice catch-ups with a friend.”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ because your socializing seems to revolve around your interests and preferences.
Kudos to you for asking and her for giving an honest answer. Hard conversations are sometimes necessary in real relationships. I’m not a morning person either, so if my friend invited me to their house to catch up and just offered coffee/tea and not even any breakfast, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to repeat that experience either.
Especially since you rejected her offers to socialize in other ways. Neither of you is a jerk for having different preferences when socializing. The real question is what you do with that information now that you know.” Legally_Blonde_258
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You act accusatory towards her when she goes out with others, doing things she likes to do.
You won’t do these with her, or, from a comment, I see you make everyone do it when and where you, and only you want. > I have also explained (argued) how I have agreed to meet with her for a meal out or a coffee date By your own words, and her response of ‘counting on one hand’ it’s very rare, and I bet you do so begrudgingly.
You’re going to lose this friend. Every get-together can’t be ONLY where, when, and how you like it. That’s not being a friend, or frankly anyone most people would want to be around.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“I’m not a morning person and would be very resistant to anyone who made me get up before noon on a day off.
I’m also an introvert, and the prospect of awkward silences during one-to-one meetups makes me anxious just thinking about it. I’d say that moving forward (if you both still want to continue the friendship) is a strictly 50/50 rule. You choose the activity half the time, and she gets to choose the other half.
Only fair.” hc104168
16. AITJ For Telling My Old Friend Her Emotions Shouldn't Control Her Life?
“I (27F) have been friends with a girl from school since we were six. Our friendship had ups and downs, including periods where we didn’t talk for months. My friend (also 27F) had a troubled childhood, and while the rest of our friend group (four girls) also experienced trauma, it helped us bond.
After drifting apart for a few years due to our own lives, we reconnected in 2019. Initially, I was happy to support her as she was dealing with a lot of issues, but over time, it felt like she expected more and more from me, and would get upset when I couldn’t meet her expectations.
For instance, after spending a few days at my place, she invited me over multiple times, but I was busy. She took my inability to visit personally, feeling that I wasn’t putting in as much effort as she was. I understood where she was coming from but wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle it, so I suggested we take a break from talking.
A few days ago, she reached out and mentioned she’d be visiting my city (we now live in different countries). I agreed to meet her, and while it was nice seeing her after so long, it became clear that she hadn’t moved on from a lot of past issues.
While we were at a café, the owners generously offered us a free croissant and coffee since it was near the end of the day. I thanked them, but my friend whispered that we should leave instead of accepting the free food. She expressed distrust, suggesting the owners might be stalling us.
I was confused because we could see the croissant being warmed. She kept insisting, and I eventually told her to calm down, assuring her we’d leave once the food was ready.
A bit after that she started talking about how her past trauma has given her trust issues and made life difficult for her.
I empathized, sharing that I had also experienced PTSD and had gone through therapy, which helped me process my emotions without letting them control me. I explained that while it’s important to feel emotions, it’s also crucial not to let them dominate how you think or act.
This upset her. She said she’s always been emotional and holds onto how people make her feel, something her parents did as well. I tried to clarify that emotions are valid, but they shouldn’t stop her from living her best life. However, she became visibly upset and told me our views don’t align because our lives are different.
She said she’ll always prioritize her emotions when responding to situations and will surround herself with people who understand that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Between stimulus and response, humans have the unique ability to choose, in fact, the “response-ability” to choose. If she wants to live her life being controlled by her emotions rather than reflecting on them and then deciding to take responsibility for her actions, that’s her misguided choice to make, but it likely won’t serve her well.
Perhaps it is time to sunset this relationship. You’ve grown and she hasn’t. People grow apart.” throwawayvh61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) is exactly that. You recognize that there will always be suffering in life but you commit to living your best life anyway.
I think it’s helpful for people who get the freeze response from trauma. You’re supposed to ask yourself what you would be doing if you were not suffering and then go do that.” 4Bforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unfortunately I know too many internet conspiracy theories.
I suspect your friend fell the true crime rabbit hole during the global crisis. The current game in the paranoid part of true crime spaces is to make up increasingly weird signs you are about to be kidnapped for human trafficking. It sounds like she has not been taking care of her mental health and you are not equipped to help her.
I would stop the friendship. I hope things improve for her but being around her is not going to be good for you.” glom4ever
15. AITJ For Refusing To Bond With My Future MIL After Years Of Disrespect?
“So my fiancée(m/34) is an only child and was asked by his mom (my future MIL/64) if I (f/33) would be willing to have a night out bonding (food including drinks), and just the two of us, when we come visit from out of state.
Here’s the quick back story: We’ve been together for a full decade, and she has been awful to me. I’ve avoided seeing them (his parents) for about a year because during our last meeting (right before the engagement) she compared me to the scum of the Earth, passively, when her son was out of the house with his dad (my future FIL/68).
I don’t want to get into too much detail and explain the decade’s worth of trauma she’s contributed to in my life, but let’s just say we’re talking about a clinically narcissistic individual who hates other women being in her son’s life.
Any time we tried to bond in the past it would turn into an opportunity for her to be unhinged towards me. And after her backhanded comments towards me the last time we “bonded”, I set boundaries and said I was done trying. Now, I’ve said it frequently, but even my therapist was like, “At what point will enough be enough for you?”.
I feel defeated. I tried for years.
He hasn’t told her my answer is no because he wants me to think about it from the perspective of being a future daughter-in-law. We’ve known for years that we were end game, but wanted to wait until we felt financially ready to make the jump into marriage.
He has had countless conversations with her about respecting me as a person and respecting his relationship with me (she would frequently bring up his exes when I’m not around in hopes he’d leave me for one of them).
All of my previous exes’ mothers have loved me.
I’ve even been asked by 1 ex-mom if I would ever consider taking her “stupid” son back.
As a people pleaser/hopeful individual, deep down I want to try but I’m too old and I told him there’s no repairing this unless it’s with an apology.
I want that before any more “bonding gone wrong” experiences happen with this woman. I accepted she’ll never see me as a family but as a weird “other woman” because she’s got a weird dynamic going on in her head. My fiancée thinks I’m being unreasonable by saying no. So, WIBTJ by not considering being burned by her again?”
Another User Comments:
“You know the right answer when it comes to MIL’s behavior. The question is – why doesn’t your partner find your self-preservation behavior reasonable? And why does he get a pass for backing up whatever MIL is playing at with this bonding thing?
NTJ. But they *both* kinda are. And I think you’re going to have a husband problem in addition to a MIL problem if this doesn’t get sorted out.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“First, totally NTJ. Second, I don’t want to be doom and gloom but if after 10 years of disrespect and degradation, your fiancé still doesn’t understand why you don’t want to try anymore… he doesn’t respect you.
His mother still has a tremendous hold on him. If you plan on having kids- how do you think this plays out? If you have to ask for an apology, it’s not genuine.” keepthecrazyquiet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…I am sorry you have a toxic future MIL.
The best thing is to set boundaries with both her and your fiancée. Your fiancée needs to respect you and protect you in regards to his mother. You need to be wise and careful that you do not undercut his love and affection for his mother.
But you also do not, and should not take mistreatment from her. Talk this over with a pre-marriage counselor and your fiancée before you get married…this is a big issue and you need to be on the same page or it will cause problems in your marriage. Good luck!” Dismal_Estimate_6550
14. AITJ For Making My Daughter Pay For Her Own SAT Retake?
“I received a call to pick up my daughter ‘Lily’ because she had been caught being dishonest on her practice SAT.
After arriving, I learned Lily’s friend ‘Sam’ had also been caught being dishonest. Her score was canceled, but, thankfully, Lily will still be allowed to retake the test and this has not gone under any kind of record.
When I talked to Lily about what happened, she told me that Sam’s mother was going to punish Sam if she didn’t earn an exceptionally high score.
And Sam had, in turn, put pressure on my daughter to help her be dishonest.
I have felt for a long time that Sam is not a genuine friend to Lily and has been trying to hold my daughter back to feel better about her own poor choices.
And I had spoken to Lily about this before, and to not let Sam manipulate her into anything she knows is wrong. Lily told me that she had understood yet did this.
I told Lily that, to prove she will take her education seriously from now on, she will need to come up with the fee for her future tests and college applications on her own.
I suggested she start working odd jobs (such as babysitting or dog walking for the neighbors) to save up early.
Despite telling me she understood, the time to register for the next test is approaching, and my daughter asked me to pay because she is short on cash and her school will not offer the test again until spring.
She brought up the original excuse that Sam pressured her into being dishonest.
I told my daughter no. I am not going back on my word, and she will learn to treat these opportunities with respect once she has to earn it herself. I also told Lily that she needs to stop letting Sam manipulate her, and if she can’t stand up to her then maybe she doesn’t have the mental maturity for college.
Our extended family became involved in the disagreement and are insisting that we cover the fee because it’s for her education and is important for college. I am not allowing them to cover the fee for Lily because it’s undermining my lesson. Inevitably, someone pretending to be her friend is going to pressure her to be dishonest again in college.
Then when she gets caught again, I will wind up losing thousands of dollars and Lily will lose her shot at a good education. Her college journey won’t last long regardless unless she learns responsibility now. Even though she spent her money poorly and doesn’t have enough now, she will be able to wait and test in spring, even if it’s a less convenient time for her.
AITJ For putting my foot down with Lily and our family?”
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhhhh…….. I think technically NTJ… you set the boundary and are enforcing it. But I agree with your relatives…I don’t think you can let her sit out on a year of college over this.
Did she already have an income “stream”, was she already dog walking, how much time passed – I.e. was this a reasonable expectation for her to come up with the cash in the time frame? Sam, whatever, that’s her issue. She could have just as easily lied about that to keep herself out of trouble, so don’t think your daughter is above being dishonest just for the sake of it” grayfern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your daughter still hasn’t learned anything from the dishonest episode. She doesn’t take responsibility for her dishonesty (it was Sam’s fault), and she didn’t take any responsibility to make money to take her test. This is all on her.
Stick to your reasonable consequences. Let her sit out half a year and hopefully, she’ll see there are actual real-world consequences to your life when you screw up and don’t take measures to fix it.” More-Yogurtcloset531
13. AITJ For Refusing To Help Out With My Dad's New Wife's Kids?
“My dad got married 4 months ago and his new wife has three kids (7, 5, and 4).
Dad has me (16m) and my siblings (13f, 11f, 9m). Our mom passed away 5 years ago. Not sure about the other kids’ dads (s?). They don’t have anything to do with their dad(s).
My relationship with my dad has been strained for years. I have a plan I put into place last year to get me out as soon as I’m 18.
I don’t want a relationship with my dad. I don’t want to fix things or make the most of things for now. I just want to keep my eye on the prize. But I help my siblings when I need to. Sometimes it’s walking them to school (don’t have a car).
Sometimes it’s buying them a little something. Sometimes it’s helping with homework. Or getting them some food. Or picking them up from someplace. It’s not all the time. However, I do buy them little snacks or whatever if they want to walk home with me instead of taking the bus.
Just for some sibling time and to spoil them a little since Dad was never into that.
My dad’s wife has a problem that I still do this stuff for my siblings but I don’t do a thing for her kids. I don’t even really talk to them unless they talk to me first. She has asked me to pick them up or feed them lunch once or twice and I say no. Since going back to school I was asked to help all the kids with homework and not just my siblings even though they do their homework in different rooms (my siblings in my room, the new wife’s kids in the kitchen).
But the most controversial was when I walked my siblings home from school and bought them ice cream on the way. I didn’t get anything for the other kids. And I didn’t try to take the others with me. Just my siblings.
So Dad and his wife sat me down a few days ago and told me I should treat all the kids the same and should be willing to help them all.
I said no. I said I won’t. She argued that this would be a good way to form a stronger family connection. I told her there is no family connection and there will never be. She and her kids are not my family just like he isn’t (dad).
I told her the only family I have in their house is my siblings and they won’t change my mind. She wanted to know if I’d go to therapy with them and give it a chance and I said no. Dad was already doing other stuff by that point.
She told me we could make it work and her kids would love to have me as a big brother. And doing some stuff now and again could be nice. I said no. She didn’t like that and told me I was old enough to know and do better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are 16. What your parents (birth and step) parents have done so far, has a name. It is called parentification. They are loading all the responsibilities of having the children onto a child – you – without the resources or experience to actually, healthily deal with it.
You are a child that deserves your childhood. Do you have another trusted adult? An aunt? An uncle? Grandparents? A teacher at school? Please talk to someone that you don’t want to continue sacrificing your life for the kids they want to have. It is their responsibility to raise the children they have created. And don’t believe people who tell you you are selfish.
They are being very selfish. NTJ.” Mesapholis
Another User Comments:
“Well… She’s not wrong in that it’d be lovely to make you an unpaid babysitter. She doesn’t want a “happy family” though, she just wants you to shut up, put on a mask, and do what she says.
But I’m sure you’d also prefer your mom to be alive so she could be doing those things for your siblings instead of you; so, as she can see, we don’t all get what we want. If entitled morons haven’t realized that forcing relationships never work, then clearly she should be the one to get therapy to deal with those delusions of grandeur.
She’s not your family, she’s just the woman who invaded your home after marrying your sperm donor. I’m sorry you’re having to step up for your siblings because your father’s a live-in deadbeat, it’s wrong that that was put on you. NTJ.” Remarkable-Ground-66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds as though stepmom would like you all to be closer, as it seems like two separate families living in the same house. But that has much less to do with you than it does with her and your father. Did she not see the lack of relationship between you and your dad?
Did she not understand the dynamic before moving her children into a home that isn’t welcoming? I appreciate her effort in wanting family therapy, but she needs to begin with her husband to find out what’s going on between the two of you and all of you.
I’m surprised she didn’t ask you what you meant when you said “he’s not family”. That’s a big statement that warrants follow-up.” SubstantialQuit2653
12. AITJ For Letting My Schizophrenic Sister Leave After She Refused To Take Her Medication?
“I (22f) let my older sister (28f) move in with me with the hopes that she’ll be able to get back on her feet.
A few years ago she had a mental break after moving out for the first time and was diagnosed with schizo affect disorder. Since then she has been living with my parents who have been stressed out taking care of her. During the time she’s been with my parents she has run away from home several times.
All times luckily my mom was able to track her. When she is medicated, she still doesn’t take care of herself i.e. showering, cleaning up after herself, etc.
I know that part of the reason is because my dad isn’t the best person to live with.
He is very emotionally abusive so living there isn’t good for a mentally stable person to live let alone someone dealing with a mental illness. I’m finishing up Uni these next two years and she also has a few years until she finishes (she’s been out of school for 3 years) so I decided to let her come live with me to give her a fighting chance at getting her life back on track.
I got a pill organizer for her as a way to give her her agency but to also keep my peace of mind about her taking her medication.
Everything was going well for a week until I noticed she wasn’t taking her medication. I would get back from work or school and saw she hadn’t taken her medication so I started to remind her to take it.
Now I’m having to constantly remind her and she’s starting to get upset when I do. Today she got upset because I asked her to keep her medication in a place I had access to. She told me that she doesn’t need to be taken care of and to leave her alone and that I’m acting just like our dad.
I’ve only asked three things of her, to use the pill organizer, to keep it in a place I have access to, and to clean up after herself ( this was weeks after picking up after her because she doesn’t clean up after herself). She started yelling about me being her younger sister and that I needed to leave her alone.
I told her I’m not asking much from her and told her that she needs to take her medication because if not things can go bad and I don’t want things to go there.
She got really upset and said I was impeding her personal information and that I didn’t need access to her meds.
Then said I’m talking behind her back with my mom about her having a mental illness (I’m not, I talk to her sometimes because she’s been the one caring for her so she knows more). She then said I’m not acting like myself and that I need to self-reflect.
I told her if you don’t want to be here then you could go back to living with Dad. She got mad and said she’d just live in her car. She asked me to fill up her tank so she could leave. AITJ for letting her go?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Other than perhaps your dad. You didn’t have this kid, she’s not your responsibility. That said, I’d like to provide some pretty hard-to-hear advice. What you provided isn’t enough. And that’s not your fault, you weren’t equipped or prepared to provide “enough” but if you do try to help her again, the lesson you need to learn is that the best thing you can do is abandon this hope that you’ll be roommates or even sisters.
If you’re choosing to live with a family member this sick, you’re signing up for and agreeing to be their caretaker. That’s just the way it has to work if you’re going to commit to someone like that. If you give this another shot, and you DON’T have to by the way, but if you do, I highly suggest that you try to do some deep-end research on care providence for schizoaffective disorders. It’s different than talking to a person who can think rationally.
All the rationales in the world won’t work once someone gets into a spiral. You’ll need to meet her on her turf, use reasoning skills that operate on her rules to bring her back into the realm of the logical, and constantly, ever-presently be coaching her to a place where she’s taking her meds consistently, instead of assuming that once she’s on them, she’ll take them autonomously. Humans, even when healthy, are imperfect.
And so if she’s doing everything right, and she misses a single dose, not because she’s lazy, crazy, or doesn’t want them, but because, she was in a hurry that morning, she’s already in the spiral. That’s how easy it is for your sister’s life to completely be derailed. If you’ve ever missed a dose of antibiotics, and gone “Ah shucks, guess I’ll be fine”?
That is the level of action that could spell literal death for your sister. Let that reality she’s living in really sink in and sit with you before you make another commitment to help her. Sounds like you are not interested in being that at this time, and that is completely reasonable and okay, but if you choose to try and help again, make sure you’re prepared to provide all the things she needs or make sure she has someone providing them, not just provide parts of the solution, or it will blow up again and neither of you deserves that. Hope this helps, from a person with a severe MI.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. See if any social services can help out in the area, even with advising you. Her desire to want to be independent is understandable, just not realistic. You both want a sibling relationship, not one where you have to chase her down and keep her on task.
But the truth is she’s not only not taking care of her health needs, she’s disrespecting your home too. Maybe with a neutral mediator, she might understand that she’s the one putting you in the position of having to be a caretaker for her. Good luck.
This is a tough one.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those of us with mental illness (and yes, I am in this category), need to take responsibility for managing it. That means if we need help managing it like having someone remind us to take our meds we do/accept that help and we don’t give the person helping us a hard time about it.
It isn’t an unreasonable requirement for her to have to take her meds as she should if she’s going to live with you. No one should have to live with someone with a mental illness who doesn’t manage it and won’t accept help managing it.
Unless someone is in a psychiatric facility, you can’t make them take their pills if they don’t want to, but that doesn’t absolve them of their responsibilities. When we don’t manage our mental illness, we can be a lot like addicts in that we may have to crash and burn and suffer consequences before we finally get our act together.
While it’s awful and painful that she may end up homeless, you can’t save her because she doesn’t want to be saved.” Spinnerofyarn
11. AITJ For Not Informing My Partner's Family About His Passing As Per His Wishes?
“My partner and I have been together for 7 years. 4 years ago we found out he had Colon Cancer.
Our world changed.
I met his family (dad, sister, and brother) for the first time when he was admitted to the hospital 2 years ago for Chemotreatment. They were nice and respectful when I first met them/ they met me.
Unfortunately, things changed. His family pretty much abandoned my partner.
They were rarely at the hospital (when he was there) and rarely kept in touch, I didn’t see or hear from them at all. I would also ask my partner if he’s heard from them and he will tell me no.
Fast forward my partner was released from the hospital. My partner and I never lived together but now we do.
I moved in with him when he started getting more sick due to the cancer spreading/chemo not working. I do it all. The laundry, the errands, the groceries, the cleaning, ordering medications, taking him to his appointments, etc. I have no help. I’ve reached out numerous times via text to his family letting them know to come visit my partner because he misses his family and I need the help as well.
I also work full-time.
My partner’s dad and I got into it because I was fed up. He told me to never talk to him again and he’s now blocked on my phone. I also have zero communication with his siblings.
As of now 2024 – my partner is currently in Hospice.
He needs help with everything and I am the only one to help. I recently received heartbreaking news from his nurse letting me know that I should start planning his funeral and make arrangements. I’m devastated. I’m mentally and physically exhausted.
My partner and I had a conversation about what his wishes were.
He wants to be cremated. He asked me not to tell his family of his passing and he doesn’t want any of them involved in any arrangements.
Am I the jerk to not let my in-laws know of my partner’s passing when that time comes?
Or even ask them for help with funeral arrangements?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are his wishes documented? Are you listed as the responsible party for making arrangements? Does he have a will naming you as the executor of his estate? These things need to be done while you have a chance.
There is no point in asking them to help with funeral arrangements. Just send them an announcement once you’re done.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for following your partner’s wishes. These people are not his loved ones–they do not show up, or show they care.
Respect what your partner is choosing. You are not a jerk for this, and neither is he. His family is acting like jerks (although I don’t know anything about the history, so it’s hard to say how much). No matter what, you have no obligation to inform someone who has blocked you and wants nothing to do with you or your partner while he’s alive.
You have an obligation to your partner to do your best to follow his wishes. I’m sorry that so much has fallen on you. Hopefully, he and you have some close friends that you can share the news with and rely on. That “family” is not the right source, though.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Please marry your partner, so you have the legal rights to handle his funeral arrangements and fulfill his wishes. I wish I had married my fiancé because after he was killed suddenly his family cut off all access, I never saw him again aside from when he was face down on the pavement and they cremated him, which as a Muslim is a huge disrespect.
And then his sister and a random girl he had briefly been involved with before me grifted “donations for a memorial”. All after I begged and pleaded to be allowed to pay for a proper funeral. NTJ, and please please consider what I said.” Minute-Isopod-2157
10. AITJ For Refusing To Hire My Criticizing Cousin At My Company?
“I (27M) finished my Bachelor’s 6 years ago. Right after graduating I worked as a software engineer at a social media company for a year, got a job at a hedge fund and worked there for three years, got burned out, took a few months off, and founded a company around 1.5 years ago.
My little cousin Meera (22F), bless her bleeding heart, has always been my biggest supporter. When I was at the social media company she’d frequently remind me that my employer is a cancer and I’m working to make the world worse. When I was at the hedge fund she’d always remind me that I’m paid a boatload to contribute nothing to society.
When I started my own company, she said that she hoped my hedge fund would take me back when the AI hype wave died off and my company went under.
Anyways, we’re currently interviewing for a lead designer. I guess the new grad job market must be tough because earlier this week we found Meera’s profile in our applicant portal. My uncle messaged me later letting me know that she had applied and it would be great if we could interview her.
I replied that I was flattered by her application but unfortunately, we’re hiring for a lead with more experience. He said we could still hire her to work under the design lead. I said we’re not looking to hire junior designers at the moment but we’ll keep her in mind as we grow.
My uncle then sent a link to an article about my company’s funding and said I certainly had a budget to hire her. I got fed up and basically told him I wouldn’t hire someone who takes every chance to disrespect my career and who I can’t trust to be respectful in the workplace.
And also it’s unprofessional that her father is messaging me on her behalf when she could be asking me herself.
He didn’t message me after that but Meera sent me a snarky text saying she didn’t realize I was so sensitive and she’s sorry she offended me.
The thing is, I don’t think she’s entirely wrong about social media companies/hedge funds, but still, she hasn’t said a single nice thing about my career or even my company and I don’t think I can trust her. AITJ for refusing to even consider Meera for a role at my company?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it seems that she only applied at your company because she can’t find anything else. And if hired she would undoubtedly keep looking and leave as soon as she found something else. She doesn’t meet your needs and she would leave at the drop of a hat.
Unless you were desperate you shouldn’t consider her. Also who applies at a company owned by their cousin and doesn’t say anything? Has her father always done things for her that she should be doing herself?” mm1palmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was unprofessional on her part to have your uncle approach you for any position in your company.
Funny she was disrespecting your company and is now trying to apply for a position. Relative or not, you can’t have someone with disloyal loyalty like hers.” DestronCommander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t ever hire someone because they’re family. Hire the person best qualified for the position.
Also, just because she is family doesn’t mean you’re obligated to create a position for her. It was rude of your uncle to assume that because she’s family you’ll hire her. Not to mention the fact your cousin is being snarky with you. Imagine how she would be as your employee!
Stick to your guns. You have to do what’s best for your company.” Smarterthanuthink867
9. AITJ For Losing My Temper At A Disrespectful Parent During A Sailing Lesson?
“I am 21, I coach and teach children sailing since I was 15. I have 13 years of experience in sailing and I’ve competed many times in national and international level as a teen.
I have my lifeguard certification and I also have a license to drive a motorboat. English is not my first language, so sorry for the mistakes. Enjoy!
We are the only sailing club in the area I’m in and one day I am the only coach there.
That day we had only two kids about 10 years old, Ben and Nick. Ben’s dad, Terry 50, really wanted to try sailing and since there wasn’t much air, I agreed.
I was on the motorboat alone when suddenly fuel didn’t get to the engine causing me to be no better than a floating ball.
I call over the children and Terry to give them instructions until help arrives.
Terry doesn’t follow my instructions because his son is telling him to try different things. That causes Terry to capsize. After about half an hour help arrives and takes us all to shore.
Then Terry starts telling me that I am careless and he doesn’t trust me and I’ve put their lives at risk because ” I am just a kid who doesn’t know what they are doing and his son knows better than me”
I kindly reminded him that everything his son knows has been learnt from me and I don’t understand why he as the adult didn’t follow my instructions and instead listened to a child.
He started yelling at me that I was the reason he got wet and he put his life at risk and said that it was my incompetence that made the boat stop working and that I wouldn’t know about that because I am just a dumb kid and he knows better.
Then I lost it. I told him something along the lines of “how on your first day you know more than me that I’ve been in this sport my whole life” etc.
He started screaming about how my incompetence got him wet and that I’d insulted him.
He grabbed his kid who had started crying and told him that he must quit because “he can’t tolerate disrespect”
So, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to drive a rescue boat at my sailing club from time to time. Safety instructions are not a debate.
Usually, someone capsizes and then rights their boat and carries on. Sometimes, they capsize and decide that they’re done for the day. Now and then, there’s someone who is struggling in heavy weather, and I have to tell them that they’re done, and I’ll be towing them back to shore.
If I’m the guy in the safety boat, that’s my call to make, and it’s not open for debate. Losing your temper and arguing with Terry was an error. What you need to do at that point is calmly tell him that you are the qualified instructor, you are the safety officer on duty, and if he’s not willing to follow your instructions, then he needs to leave.
(I’ll note that at my club, it wouldn’t have been acceptable for you to be out there teaching kids in a single safety boat, without readily accessible backup. We’d have a second boat less than a minute away.)” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My husband was a motorcycle instructor at a young age.
He was once questioned by someone much older who had been “doing this for 5 years” and his response was, “I’ve been doing it correctly for three.” Your age has nothing to do with it. The fragile ego of the older man is the issue.” Individual_Metal_983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is only one jerk here and that is the 50-year-old who screamed at a 20-year-old coach and pulled his child out of the program because “he can’t tolerate disrespect”. And OP’s acquaintances who think somehow the OP is the jerk.” _Useful_Researcher_
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Use My Car All Day And Not Paying Her For Babysitting?
“I (24f) have a 4-year-old daughter, Ava. I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding but the only kids invited were hers. It was 6 hours from our house and my husband was deployed so I asked my sister (18) if she would mind coming with us, babysitting for the first night and second day, then she could either staying with us for the next 3 days (we turned it into a little vacation) or I would take her to the train station and buy her a ticket to go home.
She agreed to help and wanted to stay.
The cabin I rented only had parking for one car so I told her we were taking my husband’s car and that she could use it but she had to ask first and be mindful of how long she had the car since this area is not walkable at all.
I told her she was always welcome to join us on our outings and if she wanted to go somewhere when we might need the car I’d gladly drop her off and pick her up.
On the third day, she told, not asked, me that she’d be taking the car all day so she could have a spa day, do some shopping, and go out to eat in the bigger town a half hour away.
I asked how long she plans to be gone and she shrugged her shoulders. I told her I could drop her off and pick her up but she can’t take the car all day. She threw a bit of a temper tantrum and said she needed the car so she could put her bags in the car and not have to carry them all day.
I reminded her that I said she had to be mindful of the usage of the car and that leaving us stranded in the cabin all day was too much. She called me a controlling jerk and refused to leave her room while Ava and I were home.
After I got Ava down for a nap she told me that she needed me to buy her a ticket and drop her off at the train station now. I told her to wait for Ava to wake up and found a ticket that could work with her wake-up time but that wasn’t good enough and she had to be away from me at that second so she decided to wake Ava up so she could leave.
I was sick of her nonsense so I dropped her off at the station with the ticket for a train that would leave in 3 hours. She had the nerve to ask for payment for babysitting before I left.
My mom called after we got back to call me a bad sister for not letting my sister use the car, not buying an earlier train ticket, and not paying her for babysitting.
I think I was being fair but some of my friends think I could’ve at least given her $50 so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would have paid her for her time babysitting, but would not have allowed her to take the car for the whole day and I would have been furious that she woke up my napping child.
For that stunt alone, she deserved to sit in the train station, hopefully thinking about her behavior. You told her in advance that she could not take your husband’s car for a full day, so she had no right to be upset about that.
I think your offer to take her to her spa day and pick her up was very generous. You were not making her skip the spa, just not tie up the car. Who paid for her meals and room?” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as you were clear about expectations (car, paying for babysitting, etc.) and such beforehand, and it sounds like you were, then NTJ.
The only alternative that might have been a solution was for you both to figure out how you could have been in the city together, maybe you were there for half the day so she didn’t have to carry her bags. But it sounds like it blew up pretty quickly, so any compromise wasn’t going to happen.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You essentially paid for a mini vacation for your sister, so her demanding babysitting money is absurd. Especially when she planned to go on a shopping spree that required multiple car trips. I was surprised she was so entitled, but then I read how your mom interfered. It all makes sense.
Buying her the later ticket is petty ig… but she interrupted nap time, to begin with…” mandapeterpanda
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change Family Plans Due To Work Constraints?
“So my family and I were supposed to originally do an escape room and get a bite to eat near where my big sister and I work, we planned this a week ago.
I have to work in the early evening today, everyone in my family knows this.
On the day of the plans, my sister called me to tell me that they changed it to be at a place an hour away. (give or take traffic)
Since these were not a part of the original plans, they had said that we could carpool with my big sister.
But I didn’t want to have to worry about potentially ruining anybody else’s plans if they wanted to do something while they were out in that area.
I explained that I didn’t want to travel that far away to do something that would take 2 hours, and then I had to drive right back to make it in time for work.
I asked why we couldn’t stick with the original plan as that was the one that worked originally for all of us and I wouldn’t have to worry about making it back to work in time.
My big sister then revoked the carpool option, saying they didn’t want to deal with me and needed to get back to work.
My whole family disagreed with me, saying that I would make it back to work in time and that I should go because this was planned for one of my sister’s birthdays and they wanted to go. However keep in mind they didn’t know about this place until I had suggested it, and once again not for today.
My sisters then got mad because I was trying to persuade them to try to do our original plan.
My big sister kept telling me how I was making it stressful, and she was very angry, and that I could either choose to go or not and that it was for her birthday.
Although originally I had made these plans for today, as something to celebrate but not directly for her birthday. It was more for us to hang out with family and do something. I’m not sure where this is solely for her birthday came into place.
Especially because her birthday is tomorrow, which we are going to celebrate.
My big sister calls me to tell me that I ruined everything and that they’re not gonna go because they don’t wanna make me feel left out and suddenly starts agreeing with the fact that yeah I could be late to work or not make it in time for work and so they are not going anywhere because I messed up the vibe.
I called my other sister to tell them to just go and go without me.
My other sister was very upset as well as she said that I was exaggerating and that I would be able to make it back to work, and that was our time to spend together.
I told her I knew I had planned for this to be a family day, but I needed to make sure that I got back to work in time and that I did no longer want to be a part of the family plans as no one was considering my time constraint.
They did leave, and I am still very upset as what was originally supposed to be a day of fun has not turned into a day where everyone is doing something without me. When I had originally come up with the idea to even do something today.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But you probably should have just written a group note and be done with it. “Hi guys, I hear the plans to do X have been changed to Y. Unfortunately due to work constraints I cannot attend the Y event. If you do change back to the X plans, please let me know as I’d love to attend.
But if you keep the Y plans I can understand. Have a great time!” By going into great detail it opens the conversation so that they can then solve your reasons for not going to Y. Sometimes the less said the better.” house post
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It was supposed to be a family event on a schedule that all could accommodate. I missed it if you stated your age, but I’m making a (dangerous) assumption that you’re on the younger side of life. From someone on the older side, I’ve learned to take note of who tried to be inclusive and who tried to be exclusive of my company.
Family or not, if they don’t want to be inclusive then I certainly don’t want to be around them. Just something to ponder when you have some free time.” 1hero_no_cape
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Next time you see them say hope you all had a good time on their family outing.
Wasn’t it good of me to come up with the idea? Too bad that it had to be changed to a different place so I was unable to go. That’s alright though, when I have a family I’ll make sure to include everyone when there’s a family outing.
At least I know I’m not considered family with any if you then walk out.” wlfwrtr
6. AITJ For Choosing To House My Nephew Over My Sister And Her Family?
“I 35 female am in a moral dilemma. My sister 32f and her family (32male, and 3 kids) are being evicted from their home.
My sister and her husband rent a home from our aunt. They were to pay $600 a month for a 3 bedroom 2 bath house in a good neighborhood. Which is sure a good deal. My husband and I were paying $800 for a 2 bed 1 bathroom apartment in a not-so-great area for almost 3 years.
Granted when they made arrangements with her, my husband and I weren’t together. Myself and other sister didn’t even live in the same town so it made sense she would rent the house. My husband and I recently bought a home a year ago in a town about an hour away from my sister as we couldn’t afford to buy a home in that town.
Our house is nice but not huge and we have 4 people currently in it and would be adding her 5. Well, my sister goes months without paying rent. She gets her hair done, nails done, eats out constantly, and her husband has a very expensive hobby which a lot of money goes into.
She does eventually pay in lump sums. I guess our Aunt got upset and asked her to move out. She has no money saved and nowhere to go. Dad says it was their arrangement and he won’t get involved. She wants to come stay here which normally wouldn’t be an issue.
Here is the dilemma. My other sister just lost custody of her child and the Department of Family Services is asking to place the child in my home. If I take in my sister I can’t take in my nephew. My other sister doesn’t have anyone else to take the child.
The father is not fit and his family is unwilling. My sister is about to be without a home and I’m the only other person. Our dad & mom are divorced and are out of state so there aren’t options to take in a nephew.
My sister could go stay with our dad/mom but doesn’t want to. She wants to stay in our state and be close to her life. Which I get. But would I be the jerk to take in my nephew and tell her that she and her family have to go out of state for help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – take your nephew. He has no other option and if foster care with strangers can be avoided, then 100% do that. Your sister should have been saving a house deposit, instead they poured money into hobbies and unnecessary indulgences. She also has the option to move in with her parent/s – it may not be her first option, but it is a viable one.
Sister wants to move in with you, your nephew NEEDS to move in with you. No choice.” MaudeBaggins
Another User Comments:
“Why are you talking as though your husband has no input here? Why would you say it wouldn’t be an issue to let your sister’s family of 5 move into normal normal-sized house?
Nine people would be an issue no matter what the circumstances. Here you are talking about two irresponsible parents who would be a financial burden indefinitely. They had a good deal, your aunt threw them out. Why would you even consider letting them move in with you?
Just tell them no; do not Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain way just tell them they have to look elsewhere If your husband agrees that placement with your family would be good for your nephew and your family, go ahead with that. Be sure to set clear boundaries about the expenses involved (Family services should pay for some expenses) and your sister’s role in his care.
If you can’t agree, tell Family Services that you can’t accommodate him. NTJ for telling your sister no, you are being a jerk in the way you’ve approached the potential destabilization of your own family.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister and her husband are capable adults but fail to be responsible.
You will end up with squatters who will never leave. Your nephew an innocent child’s life has been uprooted and you can provide him with a stable environment. Tell your sister you’re sorry but your nephew is your priority at the moment and you wish her luck.
You cannot take both him and them for cps and other reasons. Case closed bring in the dancing lobsters!” Forward_Fox12
5. AITJ For Throwing Away A Photo Album From My Dad's Wife After They Erased My Mom's Memory?
“I (18M) moved out of my dad’s house last month, the day I turned 18. I no longer live in the same town and instead, I moved in with three of my friends who are starting college next month and I’m about to start trade school.
I’m working until trade school starts to afford rent and food. The four of us are splitting the cost between us. I did not take money from my dad. The day I left my dad’s wife gave me this photo album, saying it was a growing-up gift. This photo album was photos of the 7 years since she and my dad married. I did not appreciate the gift, nor did I want it, which I told her to her face.
She told me to take it and I should have family photos when I moved out. Before I left I threw the album into the trash.
To explain why I did this, what the background is. When I was 10 my mom died. She had an allergic reaction while we were out for a celebratory dinner for my dad and she died on the way to the hospital. Mom was the glue that held us together.
Dad and I were never very close before she died. But six weeks later my dad had already met his wife and they boxed up all of my mom’s things, clothes, jewelry, photos of her, her phone, keys, and anything that was just hers, and they brought it to the dump.
I never got anything and neither did any of her family. I was furious and I will never forgive my dad for what he did. The very next day he moved that woman in. They were married 4 months later. Had a small but still an actual formal wedding.
They dragged me to it and pretended everything was fine and normal. She even gave a speech about being so excited to have a son of her own and all the “adventures we’ll have together”.
When I was 12 I got copies of a couple of photos of mom from extended family and put them in my room.
Dad’s wife found the photos and she removed them saying I didn’t need those and I’d bring everyone down having them in the house. I yelled at her, cursed at her, wished her dead and erased and my dad yelled at me for disrespecting his wife.
I told him that day I wish he’d died instead of my mom. He told me he wished he’d let my grandparents take me after the fight they had about Mom’s stuff going to the dump. I told him I wish he had.
The 7 years of living with the two of them were unbearable.
I’m so glad I’m gone. I have no respect for either of them and I don’t care that my dad lost someone too. He threw her away and not just from him.
After I settled in my apartment Dad suddenly remembered my number for the first time in three years and called me out for upsetting and disrespecting his wife by throwing her gift away.
He told me she did it out of love. I ignored it. She sent me a text on Dad’s phone telling me I should be surrounded by happy family memories which was why she made the album. I sent a photo of my room which has photos of my mom, ones I got copies of.
That was the only reply I made. But I got several more texts, some from an unknown number after I blocked Dad saying I was acting spitefully.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, after everything your dad and his wife put you through, it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t want that photo album.
They erased your mom’s memory and then tried to replace it with their narrative. That’s not okay, and it’s dismissive of your feelings. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re not obligated to keep something that represents a painful time in your life.
Moving out and focusing on your future sounds like the best thing for you right now. Keep those memories of your mom close—those are the ones that matter.” metro-keel-0t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad and his wife did not let you mourn or grieve.
Her removing the photos of your mom from your room at age 12 was unnecessary and unacceptable. You had every right to want to remember your mother and doing so was no reflection on her. Instead, she allowed her insecurities to negatively impact you and make it harder for you to remember your mom. I can understand why you threw away a gift that was not really a gift but instead another effort by your dad’s wife to make you feel a certain way that you don’t feel.
I’m glad you have surrounded yourself with happy memories of your mom. Going no contact with these people is a great call on your part. I wish you all the best as you begin life on your own. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I can’t even imagine this level of insensitivity towards a 10-year-old child who lost his mother so suddenly.
And the level of selfishness that your father has exhibited is astounding. See, I get that he was grieving but his first obligation was to you, not himself. If he needed to erase your mother from his life, why did he also have to erase her from yours?
Your response to all this is normal and anyone telling you otherwise needs to STFU. Pictures of people who were so insensitive and downright cruel to a young, grieving child will do nothing but remind you of what they did. The fact that your father and his wife believe you feel differently about them than you do shows a complete lack of awareness.” mamaleo29
4. AITJ For Not Being Able To Help My Wife Fix The Wifi While At Work?
“So, yesterday evening I (M) was still working at the office. My wife (F) works from home most of the time (I do too sometimes, but on that day I had to be in the office) and sent me a message that the Wifi at our home isn’t working anymore.
She had to urgently send a presentation for work and is very stressed. I told her I’m sorry but I don’t know how to help her.
Usually, I’m responsible for things such as contracts with Internet providers and fixing bugs, but as I wasn’t there (and still was pretty busy at work) I did not know what to do about it.
I questioned her about some things about the router (which lamps are flashing etc.) but she would not properly answer, she would just say “It’s broken”. I tried to figure out whether there was a network disturbance or maybe the power had been shut down shortly.
I also recommended to her to use our neighbor’s Wifi (we catsit for our neighbor and are allowed to use this). She said she already thought about it but that Wifi would be too slow. I finally said if she does not provide me with enough information, I cannot do anything since I’m not physically there and maybe she could fix the problem on her own.
Then she blocked me on WhatsApp.
When I got home, I questioned her about this and she said she felt I did not support her enough because she was very stressed due to her having to send the presentation (which I get, but I told her I’m not a magician) and I should have come home earlier (it’s more than a one hour commute from my job to home and I still had urgent work to do myself).
When I got home, I fixed the problem by pressing the correct button on the router and now she is happy again. I understand she was under a lot of stress, but I do not see what I could have possibly done more. I still got out of my way by interrupting my work by sending her messages and questioning her about the nature of the problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had something similarly frustrating a few years ago. It turned out that the person I was helping had unknowingly hit the “airplane mode” key on their laptop, shutting off the internet. Though to be somewhat fair, their incompetence was partial because they were inebriated, & I was two timezones away on a much-delayed vacation, so it took me a while to figure out what happened.” FyvLeisure
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She wasn’t helping herself when she ignored your suggestions and just kept repeating “It’s broken”. But- you couldn’t tell her to push that button? If you knew that was a way to reboot your wifi seems that it would’ve been easy enough to tell her to try that.
Be proactive. Make a list of all the ways she can attempt to fix that problem when you’re not available in the future. Print it out and tape it to your router.” Global_Look2821
3. AITJ For Letting My Unstable Sister Stay In My Guesthouse Without Asking My Partner?
“I Jeff (28m) have a younger sister Julia (27f), we are orphans and spent our lives in orphanages, and this might be the reason my sister has some mental health problems. (Not diagnosed, she has never made the first step – admitting any problems)
At first, she seems like a normal person, but she can’t keep anything or anyone in her life longer than a few months or sometimes a year, she changes jobs and friends more than some people change socks, and it is always someone else’s fault when things don’t work out.
All her coworkers and bosses are always jerks every time something goes south.
I am used to her nonsense and can keep our relationship working as I know her well and I have my own set of rules – for example, I never lend her money.
It might be narcissism (I am no psychologist though) and I am the “flying monkey”, but a self-aware one giving her only things to keep her from ending up in the street.
Years ago I built a “guesthouse” on top of the garage which is a separate building in my yard, so I could offer her a place to stay every time she got kicked out because the landlord was bad or she just lost her job and can’t afford it anymore – in short I provide her warm place to stay, bed to sleep in and keep food in the “guesthouse” fridge until she gets on her feet again.
It is basically like a studio apartment.
I met my partner Lenna (26f) a year ago and I told her about my relationship with my sister and she did not make much of it, it is like she did not really listen to what I told her or what she expected, that person who is over 25 must be grown up by now.
Moving on to the problem:
My sister made a record and worked in one place for more than a year straight! And of course, things went south this summer and she can’t afford rent and she is back in my “guesthouse”.
That upset my partner, and I didn’t even ask her “I thought this is our home!”
And that she sets a bad example for our kids (We both have a kid from a previous marriage)
I tried to remind her, that I told her what relationship I have with my sister, she is the only living relative I have (besides my kid).
I pointed out, that it would be stupid to ask her opinion on something I told her before might happen anyway.
Now she calls me a jerk for acting like it is not her home, for not asking if she is okay with someone else staying in our home.
(Technically on our land, separate building.)
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner of a year is not on the deed to your house I assume? So the home is *yours*- she has no rights of ownership. And she knew the arrangement with your sister well beforehand.
Partner is pretty entitled to act like she has a say. You never gave her any decisional capacity when it comes to housing your sister. Partner’s behavior does not bode well for your long-term relationship with her. NTJ.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“You are neither a jerk nor NTJ.
If you want a healthy relationship, communicate with her. You don’t have to ask her for permission, but if you treat this as “your house” will it ever really be “our home”? Just explain the situation to her and let her know how important it is to you to continue supporting your sister in this way while holding boundaries necessary for your relationship (i.e. sister can’t come in unannounced etc). Sure you own the home but you’ve got kids, and you share a life.
So is your mindset to go through life together or apart? It doesn’t take much to talk things through, and you can be firm in your decision, but she should feel like she’s part of it at the least. You seem reasonable and kind-hearted. Apologize for not discussing with her and move on.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re a huge enabler. Let your sister fall on her face. She NEEDS it. It’s not until you hit rock bottom that you can start climbing up. I’ve been there and done that. Got to the point that I was afraid of myself because I didn’t know if I could fight the urges anymore.
I had destroyed friendships and ONLY had a job because we were too short-staffed to fire me at the time. It woke me up and I IMMEDIATELY went to get help. I’m off my meds now due to lack of funds but being self-aware helps SO MUCH!
Then yes your partner who LIVES THERE should have a say in who can move in especially when it’s your loser sister. I hope the partner leaves you. She deserves better.” zombiescoobydoo
2. AITJ For Not Using My Children's SSA Payments For Household Expenses?
“I (F38) have two kids (18) & (10) from a previous marriage. Their father passed away two years ago and they started to receive monthly SSA payments. Their father did not leave an inheritance or any life insurance to his kids.
When I claimed the SSA I decided that I would put their money up for college or if my son wanted to use his share to purchase his first home. Unfortunately, we have had some financial problems.
Two years ago my now husband (M32) purchased a house and we have had a lot of expenses.
I decided to use some of their money to pay off credit card debts to avoid the high interest rates, and we both agreed that we would pay back monthly. However, not only have we been strapped for cash, but he has also gone back on his promise and has stated that we should use their money to pay for our expenses.
Ever since I have been receiving this money he has argued that we should use that money to supplement our monthly bills and other expenses. At the moment we have several problems in our home that need to be fixed. He said we should use that money to fix those problems as well since the kids are also benefiting from living here.
I disagree. Their money should not pay for anything in our home, I don’t think it’s their responsibility. And I fear that we will drain their accounts and they will not have any money for college in the future.
The thing is, we have used more than half the money they have received and I’m trying to avoid using all of it.
My son is no longer receiving his monthly payments and because I quit my job due to child care, I have been using my daughter’s half of the money to pay bills and buy food. I’m so upset and I feel so guilty. I’m in debt with my kids and I’m angry at him for not trying to get us out of this situation.
And on top of that the attitude he gives me regarding money. I have asked him to get a better job in a different field since he is laborious and doesn’t pay well, but he refuses to look into other fields of work. I feel like he stays put because he knows that money is there and I will have to use it.
I’m currently looking for another job to try and get us back on track financially.
So am I the jerk for not using their funds to continue paying our needs and fixing the problems in our house??”
Another User Comments:
“That’s what the money is for, to pay for their expenses now since their dad is no longer here to provide for them.
It would be nice if it could be saved to cover college and house-buying expenses, but you can’t afford to cover them on your income. Think of it like it was child support from him. ETA If your second husband is not pulling his fair weight, he needs to pay up.
It wouldn’t matter if you have one hundred dollar bills coming out of the faucet 24/7, he needs to contribute.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not working and you don’t want to use the money you get to support your children to support your children.
Not spending it on the house is an okay line to draw but making him pay for everything for your children and complaining about his lack of income isn’t. The money is for you to use to raise the children and that does include some household expenses like part of the grocery and utility bills.” Ok-Raspberry7884
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That money is meant to help cover expenses for them, including the house. Second, your kids are in school during the day to get a job, I bet the school has an after-school program they can attend. Sounds like you don’t want to spend this money as it’s intended and expect your husband to shoulder all financial expenses while you sit back and complain” Intelligent-Log-7363
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Partner For Pretending To Have ADHD?
“I (23F) have ADHD and struggle daily with starting work, eating, and sleeping. I’m unmedicated due to long wait times for consultations. One of my friends has a partner, Eva (23), who claims she has ADHD after she watched TikToks, even though she’s got no diagnosis (already has depression and anxiety).
Her GP said she barely met the referral score for ADHD (55%).
Eva started making exaggerated claims a few years ago, claiming being excited to see people and procrastinating was ADHD. At first, I ignored it as it’s common for people to misuse mental health terms, but it became frustrating when she began talking about wanting medication and the lack of ADHD support in our country (she moved here for college).
I offered her resources that helped me manage ADHD, but she dismissed me, saying I wasn’t “really” ADHD because my “life was in order,” even though she only sees me in social settings.
Eva constantly posts ADHD memes in our group chat, which no one reacts to.
Friends have told me they’re tired of her constant ADHD claims. And when I mention my struggles, like poor sleep, in a social setting she’s condescending, telling me to “just get off my phone at bedtime”. Her dismissive attitude towards my experience with ADHD feels hurtful, especially since I’ve dealt with it my whole life.
Eva’s partner (Dave) is oblivious, and when my partner tried to talk to him about her behavior, Dave said I was overreacting.
Last night, after yet another ADHD sob story, I called her out in the group chat, telling her to stop pretending and seek a proper diagnosis if she thinks she needs it and I told her her attention-seeking behavior was hurtful.
Some people said in the group chat I was wrong, but I received dms from them thanking me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soooo NTJ. I get this oh, how I get this! ADHD has ruined my life. I was properly diagnosed in my adulthood by a specialist. I took a battery of tests over several weeks to earn my diagnosis.
I have paid numerous heavy prices in my life because of my ADD. With numerous dreams slipping right through my fingers. Then I run into self-diagnosed people who start saying “we” when discussing an issue. No honey, there is no “we.” There is you semi-successfully leading your life, granted, with issues.
And then there is me trudging through this train wreck known as my life. No, thank you, “we” are not in this together!” message
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are being unkind to yourself by continuing to stay in touch with someone who talks to you this way.
Your issue isn’t with her ADHD claims, which may or may not be fake (you only see her in social settings too, and don’t know her private struggles). Your issue is that she berates you and talks down at you. She diminishes your struggles. Is rude about them.
You then transpose the resentment and hurt you feel about that by mirroring her behavior and wanting to invalidate her claims, because that’s what she is doing to you. But the solution isn’t for you to behave towards her the way she is towards you.
The solution is to stop socializing with someone who talks to you and treats you this way.” Maximum-Cover-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Self-diagnosing is not valid. Especially due to personal bias. Don’t claim an illness or disability, as if it’s an identity label if you’re not professionally diagnosed. There is enough misinformation spread and communities taken over because of people like that.
Bring gatekeeping back. Self-suspecting and self-advocating are valid instead. She did none of those. For the upset self-diagnosed people downvoting every NTJ comment: seethe and cope.” slavwaifu
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