People Want All Eyes On Them In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter's Decision To Password Protect Her PS4 Account?
“I (34f) am a divorced mother.
I have 2 kids. They are Luna (9f) and Leo (12m).
In this house, we don’t have many assigned chores. It’s pretty simple.
If you make a mess clean it, pick up your own stuff and your stuff only. You are not obligated to clean everything because it’s there, my kids are not my maids.
They just have to clean their own spaces and messes. I do ask for help sometimes and they both do. We all have healthy relationships. They can do things outside for money, to teach them that money isn’t free and that their work pays off.
I got a PlayStation 4 for my kids, they are both well-behaved. I don’t limit their time extremely, I just make sure they take breaks for their health. Luna does extra things, like outdoor pickup for some extra cash because she wants to. With that, she asked to get the PlayStation online.
I bought it for her, she is very grateful and plays online regularly.
Leo also has an account, not an account he can play online though. He does not do the extra things, it is his choice. Recently, Luna has noticed she has more friends she did not add and achievements for Leo’s games.
She asked him, and he said he does play on her account online. She told him she does not want him on her account, he said okay and it seemed fine.
Since he does not have online, he uses the weekends for free PS+ to play online.
During those, Luna lets him have the PlayStation the whole weekend as she feels it is fair for him to have a turn too.
Recently, Luna came to me and said Leo has been playing on her account even though she asked him to stop.
I went and sure enough, Leo was on the PS4 on her account. I told him to close out of the game and go to his account. He was upset and complained he wants to play online too, outside of those weekends. I told him he can get online if he helps Luna with outdoor pickup.
He said he does not want to.
Fast forward to yesterday, Leo came to me and said Luna put a password on her account and won’t let him in. I asked what the issue was, that it’s her account, that she worked for her money, and that she doesn’t have to let him use it.
My sister was over during that and gave me a weird look and said that it isn’t a big deal, and PS+ isn’t much.
I feel like if I got Leo PS+ for free, it wouldn’t be fair to Luna because she works for hers.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. You are right, Luna has earned the online access; and is being super generous in letting him use the equipment when he can get online free. At his age Leo is even better equipped than she is to earn additional money and privileges, and “does not want to” = doesn’t want to have an account of his own badly enough.
Does he go stealing other people’s stuff because he “doesn’t want to” pay for that either?” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son should also learn how to respect his sister and not just disregard what she says. Your sister’s opinion is irrelevant; they’re your kids and you’re raising them right.
I grew up with 5 boys as the only girl. Can’t tell you how many times my stuff was destroyed, and I heard that’s what boys do. They don’t listen. Don’t let your son carry that attitude into his teenage years. I’m NC with the boys now because they’re awful men.
Nipping this in the bud can set the tone for how your son is expected to treat your daughter and her possessions.” finn1013
Another User Comments:
“GREAT JOB MOMMA!! NTJ!! Luna is 3 years younger and she is learning the value of her money and self-worth, setting boundaries.
Your son is trying to sidestep that extra work his younger sister seems to comprehend that the payoff for working/chores is rewards! Your sister is setting a bad example for her nephew, and needs to be nipped in the bud QUICK!! Honestly, he should be losing PS4 privileges, weekends, and all week because of his continuing to bypass your daughter’s wishes.
I didn’t read if he was grounded for those times he kept breaking the rules??” eye_no_nuttin
20. AITJ For Warning My Husband That His Daughter Might Leave Again?
“My (47F) husband (47M) and I have been married for a year. We have known each other for 10 years, at first we were just friends. He divorced his ex-wife six years ago. His ex-wife isn’t a bad person, but they weren’t right for each other, so they often had arguments.
Eventually, they got divorced. Two years after their divorce, we started seeing each other.
My husband has a daughter (24F) with his ex-wife. She stopped talking to him after the divorce, and she had already turned 18 by then. His daughter didn’t want them to get divorced at all.
According to my husband, he never tried to empathize with them during the divorce process. Since my husband was the one who filed for divorce and took the first step, she stopped talking to him.
My husband tried a lot to talk to her during this time, but after a while, when his daughter moved to a different city for college, they drifted apart.
His daughter continued to talk to her mother. My husband would call her from time to time and check in with her about her daughter.
Two weeks ago his daughter called him and said she wanted to talk. They met the very next day. She regretted that she had not spoken to him all these years and wanted to make things right between them.
After graduating, she worked in that city for a year but was let go and went back home. Now that she was here, she wanted to see him often.
Of course he agreed and was very happy. I showed him support, I bought a Goldeneye pinot noir and gave it to him as a gift. We drank it together and celebrated. For two weeks they went to the movies, went camping, went out to dinner.
And I’m really happy for them.
Yesterday evening, he and I were chatting together again. He was talking about the conversation he had with his daughter and I was listening to him. He was talking very enthusiastically and at some point in the conversation it occurred to me that there was a possibility that his enthusiasm might be dashed. My husband didn’t take it well that she went no contact with him right after the divorce.
He was very depressed at the time and I was there for him, so I know exactly what he was going through. She had let him down before and I thought about the possibility that she might do it again.
At this point, he saw my face fall and asked me what I was thinking.
I told him that what he was going through was very good, he just had to be prepared for the bad. He asked what I meant, and I told him that this could be a whim for his daughter. I had no malice in saying this, but he didn’t take it well.
He said okay and left. I went after him, I wanted to talk to him, he said he wanted to go to sleep.
We didn’t talk today either. I don’t think I did anything wrong but I still feel like a jerk. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ why can’t you let him have this moment? By the way, she didn’t let him down – he started a divorce without trying to empathize with his own child. Divorces have a very negative impact on kids (even at 18) and it is for the parent to lead in navigating the change.
Seems like he just wanted out and didn’t give enough emotional support to his child. Sometimes people’s feelings just need to be validated, sometimes they just need to be heard without justifications and rationalizations. I actually think he’s behaving in response to you exactly like his daughter did in response to him.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. His daughter didn’t let him down the first time. She was a young woman whose family fell apart. It was never her job to empathize with him or to keep trying to bridge the gap. She was hurt. She’s grown and she’s realized she was wrong.
Frankly, she may also realize that he dropped the ball on her but regardless, you have no reason to assume that she wouldn’t want to continue contact with him. No one wants to not have their parents in their life if they can help it.
I’m getting the sense you’re hoping this is a flight of fancy for her.” stepweddingdate
Another User Comments:
“OMG, let’s parse this, shall we? First, I think it’s extremely odd and lacking in self-awareness for your husband to complain that his brain-still-developing-while-world-being-ripped-apart teenage daughter didn’t “empathize” enough with her parents when they were divorcing.
Second, your husband seems to have largely given up on his relationship with his daughter when she went to school. I’m sorry, but you state that “My husband tried a lot to talk to her during this time, but after a while, when his daughter moved to a different city for college, they drifted apart.” You say your husband split from his first wife when his daughter was 18.
That’s usually the same age that kids go away to college. So they “drifted apart” when he only started calling her “once in a while” very shortly after the divorce. Finally, the young woman reaches out to her father. To which your response is, “She’s going to screw you over again.” She never screwed him over in the first place.
ESH. By which I mean, you and your husband.” Active-Anteater1884
19. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner Pay Her Fine After She Sneaked Substances Into Her Suitcase?
“So I M22 have been exclusively seeing this woman F28 for 7 months now, we spend every weekend together, and last month I took her on a trip to Jamaica for her birthday.
I paid for everything on the trip and we had a great time. On the way back from the trip she snuck some substances into her suitcase and we just so happened to be randomly searched at the airport in Florida.
We got detained, missed our flights back home and she was told that she had 30 days to pay off a $500 fine before it turned into a $5,000 fine.
I told her I would help her with it.
Fast forward to the past week, she requested $350 from me to pay for the hotel she bought for us in Florida and $250 for her court fees because she missed court for another case of driving uninsured and she had a bench warrant for her arrest. I sent her the money both times, but that was the money I had set aside to help her with her $500 fine.
She must pay the fine by Sunday and I recently had issues with my car so I had to take it into the shop to get it fixed and I had to pay a lot for it. I need my car for work and the gym.
I texted her that I could not help her pay for her fine because I had already sent her money that month and I had to get my car fixed and she was very upset with me. She lives with her father so I suggested that she ask for his help to pay the fine.
Also, she did not want to see me this weekend because I told her I must go to a podcast I’m on Friday and I would be able to see her on Saturday.
We have a very strong bond and are both into fitness and I have helped her with bills multiple times in the past before but it just seems like I’m doing too much, especially because she was the one who got herself into that situation with bringing illegal substances back from Jamaica.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you’re the mature one in the relationship, despite the age, and that she’s seemingly taking advantage of you for your money. Does she contribute financially to the relationship in other aspects, or is it you paying for everything? You’ve said you’ve paid her bills multiple times, and unfortunately, all that’s done is tell her that she can count on you to bail her out of her mistakes.
She’s not going to learn.” dacomell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe you are the dummy. She’s 28, lives at home, and presumably has a job, but you have to help her with bills, pay for vacations, and bail her out because she missed court? Dude, she has/had a bench warrant out for her arrest. It’s 2024, my man.
True love does not conquer all. This woman sounds like she’s a financial albatross around your neck, and if you follow this path to its conclusion she will suck your bank account dry. Find someone who wants to build a sound financial future who doesn’t have a laundry list of court fees and bench warrants, and who is cool with not breaking the law to stay out of debt.” XiahouYuan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This woman is a walking red flag. Please run from her IMMEDIATELY. She is 28 and not smart enough to know she can’t sneak substances across international borders, then asks for help paying for fines she has accrued from this, another incident for driving without insurance, and wants hotel money back because y’all missed the flights home BECAUSE OF HER.
You help her with bills and money frequently, yet she lives at home with a parent, again at the age of 28, and does what with her money? Clearly not car insurance or savings. For the love of god, take off the rose-colored glasses and see the red flags for what they are.
She is toxic and taking advantage of you. Leave. Now.” Discount_Mithral
18. AITJ For Locking My Room To Stop My Sister From Ruining My Belongings?
“For context, I (18F) have a younger sister (15F) who likes using my stuff a lot.
Be it makeup, clothes, or other things I’ve bought. I don’t have an issue with her borrowing or using my things, but my issue is that she is almost NEVER careful and always finds a way to break or ruin my things.
Some of the more memorable incidents we’ve had include:
1) When she used my gaming PC to play with her friends while I was out and spilled water all over my keyboard, essentially ruining it and costing me money to buy a new one.
2) Borrowing my motorcycle helmet for go-karting with the guy she likes because she didn’t want to use the public ones, and returning it to me with the visor all scratched up.
3) Returning clothes to me either with stains or stretched out. (For example, I lent her white sweatpants once and she gave them back to me with coffee stains going down the left leg.)
I’ve talked to her many times about taking care of other people’s stuff, but it seems to do nothing.
Anyways, it all came to a head last week, when I came back from a hangout with my friends and went to my bathroom to wash my face. I saw the makeup I used earlier all over the place (the floor included).
They weren’t on the shelf the way I left them, and some bottles were even left open and on their side.
My brushes were dirty, she basically dug a hole in one of the shades of my eyeshadow palettes, and she somehow managed to tear the spongy part of my foundation applicator. She also managed to finish my $45 concealer, which wasn’t exactly new but wasn’t at the end either.
After rearranging everything, I went to my sister’s room and scolded her for first of all using my makeup without permission, and second of all destroying some of it. My parents heard the commotion and came to check on us. My dad said it’s just makeup and I can buy more, to which I started listing the prices of my makeup.
His answer was just “don’t buy expensive makeup”, while my mom agreed with my anger and took me shopping to replace everything.
Since then, I’ve started locking my bedroom door every time I’m not there, and keeping the key with me. Every time my sister texts me asking for the key, I respond with nothing but the photos I took of my destroyed makeup.
She complained to our dad, who scolded me for acting like a child. I told them both that if she wants to use my stuff instead of getting her own, then she can start paying me until I’m sure she won’t break everything she touches.
My friends say I’m justified, but the story reached my extended family, and I have aunts and uncles texting me saying family is supposed to share, especially since she doesn’t have a job like me, and I overreacted. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Family doesn’t have to “share” everything. Some things are yours. Just wait till your entitled little sister starts using your dad’s razor to shave her legs, or something like that, (that he values and is expensive). Just wait – you will see him have a fast change of heart about sharing.
It’s only a matter of time till little sis does something like that. Just wait and see. NTJ and at least your mother is on your side.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people are ridiculous. 1) you did share and she had little to no respect for the items so she lost access to them.
That is simple action and consequence, which she (and everyone trying to get into the argument) is old enough to understand 2) you’re also allowed to not share every blasted thing you own. What—she’s never supposed to get a no from only you for some reason?
Are they going to send that memo to everyone on the planet, so we’re all up to speed on this plan?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have 3 minions 10f, 9f and 5m. I don’t make my girls share because one is very careful with her things and the other isn’t as much.
My rule is you have your own things. If they break or are ruined they are responsible for either letting me know it’s time to repurchase or that they would like to order some more. But they are to leave each other’s things alone. I rather buy 2 similar things than have 1 of my girls stressed all the time for her things being ruined. You are two individuals and this isn’t kindergarten.
Nothing wrong with setting and keeping boundaries. Your dad should mind his own business as he isn’t respecting your feelings.” Ok-Second-6107
17. AITJ For Making A No-Politics Rule When My Son Visits To Avoid Arguments With His Dad?
“My (F55) husband (60) and our son (30) have completely different political views and opinions, and both of them are stubborn.
So every time our son visits us or we visit him, they end up arguing about politics.
I find this situation annoying because I only see our son every few months and I would like to enjoy the time we spend together as a family instead of being left on the side while he argues with his dad about topics they would never see eye to eye on anyway.
My son is coming to visit us this weekend, so I made a list of topics that are off-limits for when he is over at our house and made clear to both my husband and my son that I don’t want to hear a word about any of the topics in the list.
My son agreed to this easily, but my husband didn’t. He says that I’m restricting his freedom of speech. We got into an argument about it and his stance is that he has the right to say whatever he wants under his roof and if our son doesn’t like it then he doesn’t need to visit.
My stance is that this is my house too, and I want my son to keep visiting us without every visit ending up in an argument with his dad.
I don’t feel like avoiding political and controversial topics is too much to ask, but I want an external opinion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, poor OP! I would ask your husband why, as a grown adult man, he cannot manage to regulate his emotions or have a civil conversation for the sake of his wife. I find that people who NEED to talk about politics like this lack interesting things to talk about, and just want to feel important and smart to the person they’re talking at.
Is your husband so devoid of other interests that this is his ONLY talking point? If so, he needs a hobby and some friends. It sounds like your husband is just trying to fight – which I would use to insinuate that perhaps he needs to get evaluated for early-onset dementia.
If he wants to act like someone who can’t control themselves, then you have every right to treat him like one.” slackerchic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds a bit like an instigator. Maybe he doesn’t know how to communicate with your son without arguing but he needs to start trying or he’s going to end up very lonely when no one will talk to him at all because he can’t stick to less polarizing topics.
Are your finances in one and you actually helped pay into the house? I’m not asking because I think that matters, I’m asking because of what your husband might try to use as an argument. Such as ‘I worked to pay for this so it’s MY house, even if your name is on it’ or some nonsense.
Perhaps, if it’s financially possible it might be time for you and your son to head to a hotel or some other such accommodations without your husband since he wants to put his foot down and enjoy his ‘freedom of speech’. Which only means the government can’t hold him accountable for his words and has nothing to do with if his goofy butt ends up in the ‘dog house.'” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re restricting his freedom of speech? Ugh. He’s not one of those crowds is he? You should start by explaining that freedom of speech is guaranteed by the government, not by private citizens like his wife. Sure, he has the right to say anything he wants.
But freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom of being a jerk. One can exercise their freedom of speech and be a jerk at the same time. You need to make it really clear to your husband that this is a hill you’re willing to die on, and that he needs to drop it.
If he wants to argue politics with his (probably liberal) son, he can darn well do it over the phone or sometime when you’re not around.” Expensive_Plant_9530
16. AITJ For Limiting Booze Consumption At My Wedding Reception?
“My wedding invites have started arriving, along with the invites are a few things we felt we should outline before the guests arrive at the reception. We have decided to not include an open bar. I come from a family with drinking issues and simply don’t feel comfortable being around people who are drinking heavily.
Instead, my fiancé and I have decided to have a drink ticket-like service instead. With that service we’ve been able to customize how we want beverages to be handled at our reception and the venue says this kind of service happens all the time there, it was their suggestion in fact, so I didn’t think it would be this big of a deal.
With the invitations was a card with the expectations. I didn’t want to shock people when they arrived so I figured the cards would be a nice, classy heads up for our guests. The drink service bit of the card said, essentially, that drinks were limited to two per of age guest, the “tickets” were non-transferable, and like the other beverages offered would need to be ordered from your seat at your assigned table.
Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table.
I’ve been called a lot of rude things after family (both sides) and friends received their cards. My fiancé has as well but a little less so. The most common being “bridezilla” but I did have an uncle reach out to me and say I’m a jerk for trying to “spoil the fun of a wedding reception.” The response has been mostly negative and has been from all sides of family and friends and now my head is swirling as I try to figure out what to do.
So, AITJ because I’ve set my reception up like this and am not offering an open bar instead?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, this is taking it overboard. You can not have booze at your wedding if you want (people will leave early, so be prepared).
But thinking you get to decide where they can have their drinks? Bizarre and controlling. You can’t reasonably limit people to their table like this. I’m gonna go with YTJ, cause this stuff is ridiculous. Your wedding sounds like an unenjoyable event to attend with so many restrictions for your “guests” being treated like school children.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The issue isn’t the no open bar. It’s not even the ticket concept (my son and his wife chose to have a dry wedding and it was no big deal). The issue IS you playing police about how and where they drink, additionally stating that the tickets are ‘non-transferrable’ – that’s ridiculous.
If 90-year-old Aunt Betty doesn’t want to have ANY drinks and is happy to give her tickets to Uncle Joe, then why not? I get that you don’t want sloppy intoxicated people or fights or bad behavior, but going as far as playing ‘dictator’ to guests who are 1) bringing (generally expensive) gifts for you 2) supposedly ‘family and friends’ and 3) all adults, is going way too far.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I hope you don’t plan on very many people coming to your wedding. Trying to control people from walking around with a drink at a wedding is literally ridiculous. Also… Most people won’t want to leave their drinks unattended while they go say hello to this relative or that one.
If you have so little faith in your family to not get police escort intoxicated, make it a dry wedding so people can at least walk around with juice or soda. Also… Spills are gonna happen. It’s life. You literally can’t control everything.” GoreGoddezz
15. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Swing To A Child At The Park?
“I (18M) was at the park with my best friend. We waited a while to go on the swings because two children were on them before we arrived, and not even five minutes after we started swinging a woman came up to us with her two children (one was less than three probably, she couldn’t even stand on her own, and the other was at least five).
The woman immediately yelled at us to get off the swings because children should have priority over us, so I tell her we just got on them and we wanted to swing a bit longer.
The woman said that “this is a park for children (it’s not, there were a lot of teens there) and we need to get off.
I tell her that’s nonsense and that she needs to sit down and stop yelling at random people she’s never met before. She asks me how old I am and she goes on a tirade about how I’m problematic because I’m going on a swing at 18 when at my age she was going out clubbing.
I got angry and got off, telling her that it shows she went clubbing at 18 considering how young she looked. She called me a jerk, and I called her a jerk back and left. Then she proceeded to get on the swing herself to be able to let the toddler swing because she couldn’t stand on her own and I found that baffling – there were swings for young kids available.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would people rather you do “normal” teenage activities and consume substances and drink and steal and “go clubbing” or… swing? Nowadays teens quite literally cannot do anything without someone having a problem with it. They complain because teens are holed away in their rooms on the phone but then also turn around and complain when they’re outside (not including the teens that do illegal things).
As long as you guys weren’t being disruptive, I see no problem with swinging. Maybe if you were on it for an hour, but if it’s true you were there for 5 minutes then… okay? She can wait or leave. It’s a public place, she can buy her own darn swingset if it bothers her that people are using the playground equipment.” First-Pressure7112
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as there are no signs posted at the playground equipment regarding expected ages or sizes. As a former teenager who hung out in parks and playgrounds, and now a parent who has had to wait for teenagers to get off the swings so my kids could go on them, I LIKE seeing teenagers at the playground swinging and chatting and sharing a bag of chips with their friends.
My kids wait their turn, and I hope they turn into playground hanger-outers and not car thieves and junkies. I have spoken to the teenagers at the park before when they jump on the toddler swings and slides (they aren’t made for adult weights, and the signage is there), and a couple of times when they have littered or otherwise left their crap where it shouldn’t be.
Teenager on swings, fine. Teenager leaving bike under the swings making them unusable, not fine. Frankly, if the swings are regular size, you have every right to enjoy them too. It’s not like you were on them forever. You waited your turn, and would have gotten off to let the kids have a turn after a good swing, right?
Then it’s that mother who is the jerk.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yes, you are legally entitled to use the swings. And you should use the swings! However, not yielding to actual children who want to use the swings? Come on. Seriously? This is a very obvious social cue that you somehow missed. It’s a generally proper thing to do to let kids play on the kids’ equipment and for you to use it only when there are no kids wanting to use it.” AudDMurphy
14. AITJ For Asking A Woman On The Train To Chew With Her Mouth Closed?
“I am on a train that will last for three and a half hours. Comfy seat, great, nice scenery out of the window, great, I’ve got an assigned seat at a table, and there’s even no one in the seat right next to me, which is ideal!
All is fine, except that the woman sitting diagonally across at the table is chewing gum, and is intermittently (but most of the time) chewing with her mouth open.
I can’t stand it. I hate it. I hate it so much. I can’t begin to adequately describe how much I hate it.
Anyone chewing anything with their mouth open drives me to absolute distraction. It makes me physically recoil – body tense, skin tingle, teeth grit, hackles rise. I hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it. I have reconsidered friendships over people chewing with their mouths open.
Not so much that I cut contact, but moved from an ‘I love them they’re great’ friend to an ‘Ah, okay, you’re not someone I’m going to be having over to my house ever and will avoid all eating engagements’ type friend.
I’m English and have for most of my life adhered to the English training that says if we have a problem with someone, we speak to everyone about it except the person in question, and the rules of how you talk to strangers frankly haven’t moved on much in the last hundred years.
Latterly, though, I’ve learned slowly that this is, frankly, a silly way to be going on. Now, with friends and relations, I try to be more direct – to actually tell people what I think, (what) and just communicate with someone if there’s conflict and try to work it out.
This works! It’s fab! It’s growth! All of that, but now I find myself with a new level of test for it and I don’t know what to do.
There are no other seats to move to – the seat next to me is the only empty one that I can see.
We’ve been on the train for about an hour so far. It’s been the same piece of gum the whole time. She’s American, about my age (mid-30s, I’m also F), which might mean she wouldn’t mind as much??? I don’t know! I’ve asked some English friends I was texting anyway, and they told me that, quote, “it’s not worth it”.
But it seems so simple! Sit here and stew for the duration, or just lean across the table and ask her as politely as I possibly can if she would mind chewing with her mouth closed. Sounds so easy. Sounds so obvious. Is so not the English way of doing things.
I suppose the worst consequence is that she could be furious and the rest of the carriage could give me side eye for the rest of the journey for being so presumptuous, and then after a while, I get off the train and never see any of them again.
But I might torment myself with whether or not I’m the jerk for a good while, and therefore, internet, I have turned to you. WIBTJ if I ask her to chew with her mouth closed?”
Another User Comments:
“My friend is on the spectrum and can’t handle chewing noises etc so she makes sure she carries headphones on public transport.
Something for you to consider. You need to be responsible for yourself ultimately, it’s not your place to police others. As you seem unable to tune it out like the average person can, I won’t call you a jerk, but your condition isn’t her problem either.
No jerks here.” Mmm_hummus
Another User Comments:
“Ehh, ESH. Her for chewing loudly, you for being a drama queen. I would never go on a lengthy train journey without adequate tools to preserve my sanity. Headphones being HIGH on the list. If you wanted to be really English about it, you could start making similar sounds (but exaggerated) every time she does it until she gets the point.
Or pretend to have a call with someone and complain about “someone chewing really loud” on the train. Bonus points if you not-so-subtly briefly glance her way to check she’s listening. Basically do the most indirect, passive-aggressive thing you can think of.” Leigeofgoblins
Another User Comments:
“I feel your pain, misophonia is no joke and I see a number of ignorant responses below telling you to “get over it.” If only it were so easy (also unfair because they presumably wouldn’t tell someone else with a medical condition like ADHD or allergies to get over it.
Wish there was more general awareness/education about misophonia). Having said that, you need to be able to function in public transport without being in so much distress. So yes, noise-cancelling headphones and an angle where you can’t see her mouth are the answer.
Open-mouth chewing is gross and horrible but not something we can police strangers on. No jerks here because I know how much frustration you must be feeling.” Ysolda_Heeler
13. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Apologize Instead Of Just Providing An Explanation?
“My partner doesn’t apologize, and it sometimes drives me nuts.
For example, we go out for the evening. After we have driven for 10 mins he says “I forgot my wallet.” We return, he goes in, I wait in the car. He returns 20 mins later, and doesn’t say “I am sorry it took so long.” He says “the wallet wasn’t where I remembered it was, and it took me 15 minutes to find it.” I don’t particularly care, I don’t need an explanation, but I would like to hear “I am sorry”; it could be “I am sorry it took so long, I didn’t remember…” But he doesn’t give the apology, just the explanation.
The other day we were walking with bikes, the path got narrow, I went ahead, he ran my foot over with the wheel of his bike. He said “the path is too narrow.” No “I am sorry.”
This is a consistent pattern. He offers an explanation, but on 90% of occasions no apology.
When I am not tired, well-slept, and fed, I do not outwardly react to this, even though it rubs me the wrong way every time. If I am tired, underslept, or hungry, I might react with “Why wouldn’t you say sorry?”
This conversation is unsuccessful.
He usually first repeats the explanation. If I say “yes, I understand the reasons, but I would like an apology” he would most likely say something like “I am sorry the path is so narrow!!!” If I am unsatisfied with this, which usually I am not, he says “I said sorry and you are still unhappy.” Then anywhere between 30 minutes and an hour of a stupid fight occurs, and he finally produces a reasonable response to the initial cause.
“I am sorry I ran over your foot and I am sorry for not apologizing earlier.”
I am getting tired of this fight, they are so pointless. I keep reminding myself that trying to change others is a stupid idea.
Am I the jerk? Are my expectations unreasonable?
P.S. I am currently in therapy and there I discovered that I have quite high levels of guilt and shame. So I genuinely do not know if I am being reasonable here or if I am trying to extend my over-guilt on another human being.”
Another User Comments:
“At the very start of my relationship with my husband, I wouldn’t apologize. My family never ever did (and still don’t). Apologizing was “losing” and you should feel shame for apologizing. My husband did not give a care and told me it wouldn’t work if I couldn’t apologize when I was genuinely in the wrong.
I explained my childhood and he explained that was a messed up way to view apologizing. He really helped me to change my ways and I am better for it and I’m so glad my children never got to see that side of me.
You’re absolutely NTJ and your partner needs to learn to apologize.” hufflepuffhildie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, I don’t think this should be an “in the moment” conversation. When you guys aren’t currently in the situation when an apology is needed there won’t be added stress or confusion.
Simply let him know that in the cases you mentioned above that all you wanted to hear was “I’m sorry,” not “I’m sorry BUT/I/THEY…” as for many people it’s not an apology it’s an excuse when you add an explanation. You can apologize, and then explain if needed. I.E. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay.” “Man, my wallet wasn’t where I thought it was.
It took forever to find.”” TofuPropaganda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because I don’t see how apologizing for something is an unreasonable demand. I mean, how difficult is it to say “sorry, this path is really narrow so it makes it difficult to navigate”? Does his refusal to apologize extend to others or is it just you?
If he bumps into someone else while out in public, does he apologize or just tell them “I didn’t notice you there” and walk away? Either way, I feel like his refusal to apologize is an issue. People unintentionally do things, and it isn’t wrong to apologize when it happens.
To refuse to do so ends up feeling like he has zero remorse or accountability for the incident even if it’s something very minor.” CemeteryDweller7719
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom Her House Is Unwelcoming For My Kids?
“My mom is on her 6th marriage, she has now been married to my stepdad for around 5 years. Growing up she always had super strict rules to the point you got yelled at for shoes being left by the front door.
At a pool party, she went and bought big plastic runners to put down so that not a drop of water got inside. At one point in the living room, you weren’t allowed to sit on any of the furniture. At that point, she was average middle class like I am today with 2 teenagers.
Jump forward 20-30 years. Now I have 3 boys ages 8, 12, 16, and my mom and my stepdad (who is very wealthy – I’ll get to the point of that in a second) live nearby. They bought a farm and built my stepdad’s multimillion-dollar dream home.
They said their goal was to entertain and my mom’s one requirement was it was kid-friendly for her grandkids. Well, the craziness started before the house was even built. The kids would bring their 4-wheelers out and would be told they could only ride in the back of the farm where you couldn’t see the tire marks from the road.
They treat the 30 acres as a golf resort. They built a pond with a liner for my boys to fish since that’s their biggest hobby. Well now no hooks can get close to the liner. No skipping rocks, kayaks can only be paddled in certain areas, and so forth.
Then the house… it’s beautiful, with game rooms, a movie room and everything someone who wanted to entertain 100s of people would want. Yet they have a 15-guest rule. Family is divided into days to come visit. Full of expensive furniture to the point for meals we end up eating outside or at the game card table to prevent stains.
The couch has to be sat on properly, on the floors no shoes and only “clean” socks, no bare feet. They won’t let their dog come into this house as he sheds and so he has his own garage. Then the game room can’t be used unless they are there for fear of scratches or damage.
The movie theater can’t be used unless they are also in there. (I have good kids, who usually have to show them how to work all this stuff)
It’s so frustrating and the kids get to the point they don’t want to visit due to all the rules.
So my mom was upset saying she felt like my boys didn’t want to come stay there anymore. But anytime you go it’s so unwelcoming and stressful. She blames it on my stepdad as he never had kids. But growing up she was hard to please as well.
So I told her the reason the kids don’t want to come is because they created this place that could be so fun, but they made it unwelcoming. Now she is upset at me and says if I can’t respect her rules then don’t come over.”
Another User Comments:
“Do you really think that telling your mom the truth she doesn’t like makes you a jerk? Come on! She asked why your kids don’t like to visit, and you told her why. Her reaction to that is hers to manage. If she says that’s how it will be, and if you don’t like it, then don’t come — then don’t come.
These visits don’t sound enjoyable for anyone involved. You don’t have to slam the door on your relationship with her, you can stay in touch, and be there for her if she needs you — if you feel so inclined — but social visits are supposed to be pleasant, and these are not.
You are NTJ. In fact, I’m going to give you an award for not forcing your kids to be uncomfortable just to please your mother.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“Kids have grubby hands like all the time, and they spill things and make messes, and then one day there are no grubby handprints on the wall anymore.
No more spills. No more messes. And the house is finally quiet. And then you realize how much you miss those years, and what an adventure they all were. But I’m biased, I always wanted to be the house in the neighborhood where the kids come over and hang out, and have snacky snacks, and now I am.
I don’t blame your mom for wanting to keep her nice things nice, but that does not go with having children over. As long as your kids aren’t egregiously messy/disrespectful of her things, then it’s just a difference in lifestyle values. No jerks here.” invah
Another User Comments:
“It’s a showhouse. A home is for living. I can understand the no shoes – I’m UK and do not like dirty shoes in the house, We have indoor shoes. Many countries do this too. No hooks in the pond then use fishing nets.
If I had spent a fortune on manicured lawns then I would not like tyre marks everywhere. What she really should have spent money on in such a big house, would have been a family-friendly room with a dining table and hard-wearing sofas. Your children are 16, 12, and 8 and are old enough now to be not bouncing around.
But, they will still want to play video games and eat pizza on the sofa whilst watching TV. I wouldn’t let a dog in the house that sheds either. I’m not surprised your children don’t want to visit.” Delicious-Cut-7911
11. AITJ For Joking About My Brother Losing His Job To Automation?
“Basically, I do art commissions on the side. My brother jokes that I need a new side hustle now that AI art tools are around and no one really needs artists anymore. I’m not a full-time artist, but those jokes annoyed me, so I told him to knock it off.
He doesn’t and says that I should get used to it.
On Monday, he got called into a meeting where he was told he’s getting laid off as the company he’s working for has finished automating a lot of processes and because of that, they don’t have enough work for all the technicians.
Since he’s the newest tech, he got cut.
He told the family in a group chat and after we did the “So sorry to hear that” and “do you need any help?” cycle for half an hour where I promised to help him tidy up his resume, I texted “Guess AI was coming for your job too lol.” He stopped responding, and his partner texted me saying that I shouldn’t have kicked him while he was down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Like, yes he was kind of being a jerk with his jokes but you hadn’t lost your job. He just lost his full-time employment and that’s likely going to put financial strain on him and his family. That shortly after he was let go was a really, really bad time to get back at him.” HauntedReader
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Do you remember the last time you lost your job? Do you remember the fear, the worry, the paralyzing sense of loss of purpose, the dread that came with knowing how long and difficult finding a new job was going to be?
Your brother’s dealing with all of that, facing a very tough job market, and you just piled onto it. The time to make that joke was AFTER he’d gotten a new job, not right after he’d been laid off.” darklingdawns
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you ever been laid off?
It’s a shock to your system followed by worries about your finances, a list starting to form of what all you need to do, how much unemployment will supply, questions on why you were laid off, shame due to how our society stigmatizes the unemployment even if it’s through no fault of your own, who you can contact to check on job openings, how your family’s quality of life will change if you can’t get a new job asap, etc. It’s truly an overwhelming rush.
You could have made a joke about this later on. Right after he learned he’s being laid off was definitely the wrong time.” ApprehensiveBook4214
10. AITJ For Siding With My Brother Over A Father's Day Gift Drama?
“My brother Spencer (38) bought an expensive Father’s Day gift, gave it to him, and told my dad it was from all of his kids. The problem is, he didn’t ask any of us before giving it to my dad. If split evenly between the four of us, this gift is still 3-4x what I would normally spend on a Father’s Day gift. He said he wanted to say it was from all of us because he didn’t think our dad would accept such an expensive gift from only him.
So I’m a little annoyed, but Spencer never asked any of us to actually chip in. I know that he has been having a rough time with my dad, and I figure he’s trying to improve that with a big (thoughtful but way too expensive) gift. I talked about it with my husband and we agreed to kind of ignore it.
It’s fine if Spencer wants to say it’s from the group or not, but since we didn’t have any forewarning, we don’t feel obligated to go in on this gift.
My sister, Ann, (34) had a different reaction. She feels that he made her complicit in a lie and that she doesn’t feel safe being around him while he’s acting impulsive and possibly manic.
Ann told Spencer he needed to talk to his therapist and psychiatrist, tell our dad he lied, and told him that he was not welcome to be around her family or to meet her baby (who is due to be born soon) until he could manage his impulsiveness and outbursts.
Spencer apologized to Ann and said that he would do what she asked, but that he didn’t feel safe communicating with her anymore and that she could see his kids through his ex-wife if Ann would like. Then he left our sibling group chat and also separately apologized to my other sibling and me for being impulsive and inconsiderate.
I’m so frustrated and sad. I loved that my siblings and I were all talking again. It was a nice couple of years.
Ann said she is disappointed in Spencer’s response and said she didn’t intend for him to go no contact, but she was fine if he did.
I told her that I loved her, but I interpreted the same “you’re cut off. Stay away from me” message that Spencer did. I basically told her that she’s in the wrong and the ball is in her court. I might be a little biased towards Spencer because he was much nicer to me than Ann was growing up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ann is a drama llama. Doesn’t feel safe? That does not seem like a normal response to a gift being presented to your dad, which included her name. If she hates it so much, she can tell your dad she didn’t give it to him.
Easy But wait, your brother doesn’t feel safe either? What is going on with your family and why do two members NOT feel SAFE over a strange gift scenario? Either your family has some unspoken trauma by using the words, feeling unsafe or they’re just plain overreacting.” Interesting-Fail8654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless Spencer has a history of manic and harmful behaviors, and this is one of many things, then Ann is out of line. “So you feel unsafe because Spencer bought a gift for our dad and said it was from all of us….
That’s not normal and you need to talk to your OBGYN because this huge overreaction is a sign of PPA/PPD which can start during pregnancy. If you don’t talk to the doctor, you will be unsafe around everyone, including your unborn baby.
Please get help and when you are mentally stable enough, apologize to Spencer.”” SourSkittlezx
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry what?! Why would your sister say he’s mentally ill for saying a gift is from everyone, how is that impulsive or manic? I’m guessing he didn’t expect all of you to pitch in on the gift and he truly just wanted to build up the relationship with Dad since OP said they’re having a tough time.
I’m so unsure of why your sister would even say that. Every year my oldest brother buys my mom/dad something and says it’s from all of us even if we each brought a small gift and he’s never expected us to pitch in because he only says it so they will accept the gift. Your sister is crazy, I am so sorry for saying that but she needs to get a grip and I hope that you and your brother stay connected through all of this.
NTJ. By the way, your sister deserved to hear that. I think your sister is constantly looking for red flags in your family (since OP said they have a history of mania) but I truly don’t think what your brother did was related to that unless he’s had episodes before.” Familiar_Room_9318
9. AITJ For Wanting To Use The Living Room During My Annual Leave?
“My partner and I both work from home.
We have a three-bedroom apartment, I have taken the smallest room as an office and my partner has a desk and a lot of her things in the other spare room but she prefers to work in the living room.
This isn’t an issue most of the time but I have put a few days’ leave in for next week.
My partner asked what I was going to do. I told her I was planning to spend a lot of it just relaxing and playing video games, reading, watching TV, going to the gym, going for walks, etc.
She asked how I was going to do that when she was working but I just pointed out that she can’t ban me from the living room all day.
I mentioned that she has her own desk and could even use my office. She refused and said she prefers the living room.
I just said that I’d still be planning to watch TV, play video games, etc so she would just have to put up with the noise.
She disagreed and said I was wrong for planning to disrupt her work but I just reminded her that she can’t just take over a shared space.
AITJ for using the living room during my annual leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where are you supposed to relax?
Are you supposed to sit in your office, or the bedroom all day? This means not using the kitchen when you want snacks, or basically stretching out in your own living room. It’s time to talk about workspaces being in the office and living rooms being a place to relax.
She has selfishly taken over the whole house. She doesn’t get to decide to take the living room and ban you. It’s not fair. Time to have a meeting of the minds and find out why she’s determined to claim more space than needed. Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The living room is for…..living. That is why it is called that. You could just as easily ban her from the living room according to her logic. And you would be on more solid ground. She should use the area of the house that has been set up precisely for her activity, work.
And that would be the bedroom that has been outfitted for her with a desk and chair. Her preference does not matter as she has the other option and you wish to use the room as it was intended. That’s why the TV is in the living room and her desk is in the other bedroom.
Clearly designating the use for each. Enjoy your time off in the living room.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Partner is being incredibly selfish. Please play something with annoying noises like CoD without headphones or GoW which is extra grunty or XCom which is just annoying as background.
I’m married to a gamer and I prefer he doesn’t use headphones. Nothing melodic like Witcher 3 or Mario or Journey. And eat something loud and slurping like extra saucy wings and something with a straw. And crank the difficulty so you hit grind and swear a lot or cry “gibs” where appropriate. I might have some petty in me.” stonecoldrosehiptea
8. AITJ For Using More Than 3 Personal Care Products And Being Called High Maintenance?
“My partner and I are going on a long weekend trip coming up and this led into a discussion about whether or not I am considered “high maintenance”.
While packing, he asked why I couldn’t just use the shampoo/conditioner at the hotel and I told him 1) I don’t trust them after hearing stories of what people do to those and 2) my hair is long and prone to horrible tangles, especially in humidity (we are heading South for 4 days).
When asked what products I use, I told him that I typically use shampoo, conditioner, and a leave-in conditioner that works as a detangler and heat protectant all in one. He then mentioned my face products as well and I told him that I use a makeup removing product, a face wash, and a moisturizer.
He said “using more than 3 products means I’m high maintenance” which I hardly think is fair.
For context, he uses a 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner and body wash for everything. When we travel, he uses what is at the hotel. So I can see how comparatively he might think I am high maintenance.
But as someone who has lived with women my whole life, I have always found myself on the less high-maintenance side and tried really hard to keep my lifestyle budget-friendly and not too extensive.
But I figured I would ask you all…Am I high maintenance??
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner has no idea what high maintenance means. Just because you care about your hair and your skincare routine does not make you high maintenance. High maintenance is always needing to be catered to having every one of your whims carried out.
You just sound like the average female who cares about her hair and her skin. Just because he can get away with being the so-called typical male and just using whatever junk he wants on his hair and body. And then when he turns 40, his skin looks like a road map in the desert.
Oh that’s his issue. You are not high maintenance, at least not according to this, he has no idea what he’s talking about. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, you are high maintenance, compared to him. As you say, you’re also low maintenance compared to others.
I suggest accepting the title but refusing the implied insult. That’s right, you take enough pride in your appearance that you put effort into using products that will make you look the way you want. If you really want to drive it home: He likes the way you look, right?
So why is he complaining about the effort you put in to accomplish that? Of course, you’re doing it for you, not him, but he does benefit.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, I might be able to provide a somewhat unique perspective on this, as I am a trans woman and thus have a somewhat broad experience of both.
Before my transition, I mostly used shampoo only, and nothing else, beyond shower cream of course. Post-transition, I use a moisturizer for my face when I wake up, shampoo and conditioner in the shower, oil, and leave-in conditioner afterward, and then obviously shower cream and similar products.
For my daily makeup routine, I use primer, foundation, eyeliner, and mascara, sometimes adding in highlighter and contour for more fancy days. All this is to say that I don’t think your partner has a great idea of what female routines include, mostly because most boys really don’t do much of anything for hygiene in comparison.
So no, I don’t think you’re high maintenance. And honestly, men could really stand to keep their opinions on who is “high maintenance” and not to themselves, at least until they know what maintenance even is.” ManusDomini
7. AITJ For Telling My Family Off After They Invited My Lying Ex To Dinner?
“Okay, so let me just say that I love my family but they have really messed with me for the last time.
I (25m) have an ex (26m) and we were together for 2 years but broke up last October because he was unfaithful to me, so that was fun.
2 months ago I met who I believe to be the love of my life (25f) and I’m very happy with her.
My family however loved my ex and has been pushing me to forgive him and get back together with him since everyone makes mistakes.
I told them no multiple times and when I met my now partner, they stopped.
I went to dinner at my parents’ house with my partner and they invited my ex. My parents told me it was about time I let go of the past and got back together with him.
I kind of lost it and looked my ex in the eyes and said “I hope you go to heck.”
My parents told me to apologize and that they did not raise me to be this disrespectful. I looked at them and said go to heck with my ex since they loved him that much.
I took my partner with me and left. My brother who was there told me that they had it coming and that he was proud of me for standing up for myself.
Now comes the part where I think I might be the jerk. My partner told me that she understands and is happy I stood my ground but told me that I was too harsh on them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In no way are you wrong. Your parents and your ex are highly out of line. Your partner sounds sweet to be so forgiving, however, what they did is inexcusable. As a mother, if my child broke up with somebody because their partner was unfaithful to them or, to be honest for any reason, that is my child’s business, not mine.
I don’t care how much I like the person my child’s happiness comes first. It seems that your parents missed this memo. And good for you for standing up for yourself.” Tissarage
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is entitled to her strange opinion … strange, because she barely knows anything about your family, the past, and the dynamics between you.
What your parents did was disrespectful to everyone involved, but that’s not really the issue. The issue is what to do with your partner. She has made it clear that she cannot understand the hostility and, in any event, does not support your behavior.
You’re only a jerk if you truly believe your actions were out of line. If you don’t, then how you behaved was totally understandable. You owe no explanation to anyone for how you expressed your feelings. However, understand that your partner’s remark makes clear that you can expect future criticisms about how you act if she doesn’t agree with you.
It also means she’ll most likely never understand why you just can’t forgive all involved and move on. That’s not her call to make; and if it’s going to upset you that she makes uninformed judgments about important things in your life, then think long and hard about whether you’re going to resent her for doing so over the long haul.” IBelieveYouSure62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here are some important parts your parents may need to be reminded of:
- Your romantic relationship is yours. Its purpose is to make YOU happy. They don’t get a say. Who they like doesn’t matter.
- Is your ex saying he’s sorry and he wants you back?
The basic rule is “Once unfaithful, always unfaithful.” He can try to prove his faithfulness to his next partner. There is no redemption for him with you. And if he feels bad, he darn well should feel bad. It wasn’t a simple “mistake” he made.
He kissed someone else and was unfaithful with someone else.
- You are now with someone you love. If your parents want to be a part of your life, they need to accept her. They should not expect to be invited to the wedding or see any grandkids as long as they refuse to treat you and your current partner well.
- It takes a special kind of deranged, narcissistic, egotistical jerks to invite their son’s unfaithful ex to a dinner party like they did. They are pushing you to accept a partner that you cannot trust. Again, they get no say; it is beyond messed up that they are pushing you to be in a miserable relationship with no love, no honor, and no trust.
- You don’t love your ex and you do love your current partner. Either of those alone would be reason enough to not be with your ex. You have both.” TheOpinionIShare
6. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In My Estranged Father's Christmas Card Photo Charade?
“My (39F) dad’s wife insists on sending Christmas cards this year with the entire family printed on them.
To say I’ve been estranged from my father and his wife on and off for years would be an understatement. They are, what some may consider, the 1%. Extremely wealthy, elitists. I chose to live a more modest lifestyle decades ago. I don’t give respect to someone based on their occupation which according to them, is a taboo way to live.
His wife, in particular, routinely gossips about me, my husband, my children, and her own children as well. She’s done so for years. Children, stepchildren, grandchildren, family members, friends, etc. are always on the table to garner vulnerable narcissistic attention from their wealthy, simp audience.
Anyway, over Easter they had a professional photo shoot that included her three adult children, my brother, his wife, and their kids. My kids and I were across the country and not in attendance. She now wants me to send her a picture of my family to photoshop into the forced Christmas card charade.
A few things to mention: I find this kind of thing very egotistic and insincere. Christmas cards are great! But mass printing photos of your adult children on a card solely for your country club friends’ amusement isn’t it. My teenage boys don’t want to do it because they don’t want their faces put out there (they’ve even barred me from posting their pictures on social media, and I fully respect that).
Needless to say, I don’t want to either. Mainly because we’ve never had much of a relationship with them in the first place. The whole idea of “look at how happy our fake family is” is rather misleading for a slew of reasons that extend well beyond my personal grievances.
This is the third time I’ve declined to participate using various excuses before, but I intend on being honest this time…and I know a storm of shame and ostracizing will be on the horizon.
Am I the jerk?
To add context to my personal feelings towards my dad and his wife.
I was severely emotionally and mentally mistreated by my dad as a child. He shares these same tendencies with my children now (they’re not good enough, not succeeding enough, etc). When my mother finally divorced him and ran like her butt was on fire, I’m very certain I cheered her on!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I come from a long line of “family” as an excuse for all kinds of truly bad behaviors. As an adult, I finally learned “family” is people who genuinely love and respect you and whom you love and respect. The ones you share only genetics with, they are your relatives.
Sometimes the relatives are family, but it’s not an automatic requirement. And No is a full and complete sentence. No excuses, no drama, just no. If they bring it up again, I already said no. Rinse and repeat as needed.” bmw5986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Don’t allow your father to mistreat your children. Cut that contact now. If you don’t, you are complicit in what he says to them. I’d go no contact until and unless he agrees to change how he treats them. If he agrees to stop, but starts again, my children, spouse, and I would immediately leave.
I’d do an immediate block of him and his wife in all ways. Protect your kids.” WaldenWould
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can only shame you if you let them. And they can’t ostracize you because you’re 1) across the country 2) have limited contact with them already and 3) have zero respect for them and the circles they run in, so they can’t ostracize you because you have no desire for their approval or lifestyle.
Tell dad’s wife “I’m not sending a picture. I’ve told you no before. I have zero desire to participate in this card charade that makes it look like my dad didn’t emotionally and mentally mistreat me throughout my childhood. I live across the country for a reason.
Stop contacting me about this ridiculous picture. I’m uninterested in your feelings on the matter. The answer is no.”” SubstantialQuit2653
5. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Turn Off Their LED Lights When Not In Use?
“I own my home fee simple absolute and I charge my roommate $500/mo flat rate every month. So utilities are all included, but for some reason, my roommate thinks that they’re entitled to leave their Alexa-powered light on maybe 16 hours a day 7 days a week.
There are no plants or animals in their room, so I feel as if they don’t need to leave their light on even when they’re not home. Their reasoning is, and I quote “LEDs don’t use electricity, just the fixture” and “So I am an expert in electronics, and LEDs use like no electricity.”
I refuted the point by claiming that they do use electricity even if it’s a little, it adds up over time. Plus, they do this in every room in the house, they’ll leave the kitchen lights on, go to their room for 20 minutes, and when they come out and the kitchen light is off, they’ll say something like “Who turned off my light?
I was using it.” I would say something like “No one was in here, and how difficult is it to turn the light on again?”
Electricity has gone up to $700/mo from $200/mo after they moved in. They leave their lights on, have a fridge in their room, and leave their gaming computers, plural, on all day.
I don’t even ask them to unplug the fridge or computers, I’m just asking for the light to be turned off which is easily done without touching the switch because they installed an Alexa to turn off their light.
AITJ for telling them to turn off the light when they aren’t using it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – This is your adult roommate and tenant, not your kid. You can ask nicely but at the end of the day, you don’t get to dictate their lifestyle in the room they pay for. You are the one who chose this style of lease.
If you would like to change it, wait until their term is up and either kick them out or offer them to renew on a utilities not-included lease. Also, the lights aren’t the reason for the electricity increase. It’s the gaming computer.” starbiebarbie99
Another User Comments:
“Do you actually know how much your energy bills go up for one LED light to remain on for 24 hours? Do you have hard numbers on the cost? Because that is what you would need to present to your roommate, and I see you overestimating the cost. $700 from $200 makes no sense.
Have you ever lived with someone who grew up differently than you? In some households, you only turn on a light in the room you are in. In other households, people leave the main rooms lit to make it easy to go between them. In other households, people even leave a light on when they are not home to have a warm welcoming presence when they get home.
But that is also based on if they can afford it. How is the bill $700? Is the roommate taking advantage in other ways? Does this indicate you are incompatible as roommates? I would try to work toward the kind of relationship you want with your roommate: honest, open to listen, and one where you handle financial burdens fairly.
If you can’t do that, end the arrangement.” moreKEYTAR
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for accusing the lights lol. LED lights are so giga efficient, that the power cycling of turning them off and on does more harm to their lifespan. It costs a few cents a day to run an LED bulb all day.
I actually checked how much electricity my smart bulbs ate, as they are also “on” 24/7, and it looks like 20w per day per bulb. And those are both connected to the electricity and actually emit light for about 14ish hours a day. Your roommate is probably using a ton of electricity somewhere, but it ain’t the bulbs.
An electrician should be able to help you put an individual meter for his room’s electric circuit (and the EV charging station?), then actually see how much they are using.” VeryAmaze
4. AITJ For Not Inviting My Spoiled Nephew To My Kids' Amusement Park Birthday?
“I 32f have 6 kids and my brother 36m has one son with his husband. They adopted him when he was a baby and have spoiled him ever since. He’s unbearable and rude already and he’s only 9. My eldest sons are 7 and they’re very introverted like me.
Instead of having a birthday like we usually would they wanted us to go to an amusement park with some of their friends which I didn’t mind. I asked them if they wanted to invite their cousin and they said no which I agreed to.
We posted pictures of them at the park yesterday and my brother called me fuming asking why my nephew wasn’t invited. I told him the boys didn’t want him there and I can’t force them to invite people. He started accusing me of not loving my nephew because he’s adopted which is not true.
I explained that maybe if they set boundaries with him and told him no once in his life he wouldn’t be so spoiled and people would want to be around him and then I hung up.
My mom called me crying (she cries for everything) asking me why I hate her grandson which is a bit dramatic in my opinion but I told her the truth.
She called my kids spoiled and entitled for excluding him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, this was a show of incredible parenting to me. You listened to your children, considered their feelings, and asked them what THEY wanted. Just because this is family, it does not mean they have to be around someone who terrorizes them or makes them feel bad.
Your brother should take some time to internalize why his son is the way he is and work to change it. At 9 years old, they still have time to turn it around but not by much. They are raising a bully. I am sorry your mom tried to guilt you.
But you are doing it right. I hope your kids had the best time at the amusement park.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you did for your kids was the right move. Even if he was well-behaved, your children have the right to decide who is and is not at their party, and this is a really good lesson for them about having the agency to choose the people they want to spend time with.
It could have potentially been a good lesson for your nephew (and your brother) as well, but they chose to get upset even after you explained your reasoning. Good for you for standing up for your children!” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if the nephew didn’t have behavioral issues, a kid’s birthday party is meant to be a party for the birthday child unless for some reason it was some kind of family event in which every member of the family – adult and child were to be invited. Also, there is a huge age discrepancy between 7 and 9.
Why would he want to spend time with 7-year-olds who he doesn’t know? Also logistically herding kids through an amusement park is hard and generally, parents need to control numbers. I grew up in Brooklyn so I did have a birthday party at Coney Island when I was in 5th or 6th grade but the numbers were limited to a group that my parents could more or less supervise.
And depending on the type of amusement park, there can be a huge difference in the types of rides the kids are interested in and even what they would be allowed on based on size or even scariness. I go to Disneyland quite a bit because I am in Los Angeles now and many kids don’t want to go on the more adult roller coaster rides when they are 7 and are happy with Toon Town and some of the other rides geared for younger kids like the classic ones in Fantasyland.” laurazhobson
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Can't Trust Her After She Continues Donating My Clothes Without Permission?
“Earlier today I (21f) had an argument with my mom which led to me telling her I couldn’t trust her, which she called rude and an overreaction.
For years, my mom has had this bad habit of secretly donating our clothes without telling us. Sometimes it was stuff she thought was too small for us, but most of the time it was just clothes she didn’t like or didn’t want us to wear anymore.
For example, I really like professional wrestling and have received many t-shirts of my favorite wrestlers as gifts over the years, yet the only one I still have is from this past November. My mom doesn’t understand why I like wrestling, probably because I’m a girl, and even when I’ve tried to ask where my merch has gone she’s always shooed me off.
The donation bag would always be in her closet, so if I noticed I was missing an item of clothing odds are it would be in the donation bag. Since as early as middle school, when I started noticing that she would take my clothes, I always asked her to please check with me before donating any of my clothes.
Of course she didn’t, and continued picking things out of the laundry or even went so far as going into my drawers and closet to take things. A few months ago I found a really nice dress of mine that I bought in the donation bag and I blew up, screaming and begging her to ask me anytime she would donate clothes.
This seemed to get to her, as she stopped taking things until earlier today.
In the car with her today I looked in the backseat and noticed the donation bag, but peeking out was the arm of a sweater I had literally bought last week.
I grabbed the bag and noticed my last remaining wrestling t-shirt, about 5 pairs of my socks, and even some bowls and plates I had bought for my apartment next year.
We began arguing, with her not giving me a clear reason why those were in the donation bag, and I told her that because she went back on her word I couldn’t trust her anymore.
I think it was a valid reaction, but she disagrees. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My mum pulled this type of stuff with clothes and also more importantly books, including the first one my dad gave me. If she didn’t like it or felt it wasn’t appropriate, then it tended to disappear.
Did it to my dad too. First it would go in the wash, then in her drawer for a few weeks, and if you didn’t notice or ask for it, then it went down the charity shop in town she worked in or in the bin.
And not always easy to notice less-worn clothes missing. She even did it when I moved out. It was basically a way of control and making sure you match her image of you. Of course she would disagree – she knows best and is doing the right thing.
You are just a silly child who can’t understand how not matching her curated image of you hurts. The problem is rocking the boat just makes her more sneaky. I tended to hide stuff I wanted to keep – this type of parent does train you up to be a liar sadly.
Worst was she threatened to do it to my pets. But would give them away to a shelter with money so all alright – they’d have a good life elsewhere. Worried me enough that I had all my local shelters on alert.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cannot trust her. Also, it sounds like a power play. She is doing it for control, to have power over you – especially when you said she was trying to donate stuff you purchased for your apartment. You may have “saved” your things this time, but you should consider having them under lock and key in the future, if not at the house at all.
And beware that if you give her any access to your future home, she will continue to do the same thing.” SuccessDifficult5981
Another User Comments:
“My mom did this exact thing. We fought about it. She didn’t understand the problem. This went on for far too long.
I stole and hid her jewelry box and when she asked, I told her “I thought we were giving all our stuff to Goodwill?” She was furious. I gave her jewelry back and asked if she understood how I felt. She stopped stealing my things for a while, but not for good.
It did teach me a lesson, though. Now that I have a kid of my own, she’s very involved in the ‘giving things to charity’ process. Her things, her say. She’s only 8, but she totally gets that she can’t keep everything. She even starts boxes for things she’s outgrown.” MKatieUltra
2. AITJ For Wanting My Child To Have My Fiancé's Last Name Instead Of His Mother's Maiden Name?
“My fiancé (24m) and I (24f) are expecting our first child in December of this year. We don’t know the gender yet so we were picking names for both a boy and a girl.
We’ve fallen in love with names already. My fiancé has his father’s last name, and that name is on his birth certificate. While his mother has a completely different last name. She has been adamant about getting us to make the last name of our child her maiden name which neither of us has.
So in my head, it just doesn’t make sense.
She has been very manipulative in the past with various things to the point where we have given in to just get her to leave us alone about things. This time around she proceeded to guilt trip us on why we won’t give the child her last name.
She proceeded to throw the “I raised you he didn’t” card and even said she was going to go to the court to change my fiancé’s last name which I found hilarious seeing he’s a grown adult.
Now mind you MIL has 4 sons, two of which have her maiden name as their last name and all four children are straight and have the potential to bear children of their own in the future.
I’m trying to convince my fiancé not to give in to even hyphenating her last name and keeping it just his current last name to help set early boundaries on raising this child. But MIL has it so deep in his mind that he has to please her and that she’s entitled to make these decisions because she raised him.
Not to mention she had demanded to be at my gender ultrasound instead of waiting for the reveal we had planned at our baby shower. So I’m just curious if I’m the jerk because I want our child to have his or her father’s last name and not their grandmother’s.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here are some prompts for you to say: 1. Only choices are your last name or mine. If you don’t make the choice, I will choose. It will never be MIL’s last name. 2. Your mom is stressing me out. She is banned from ALL doctor appts and from the delivery room.
You will be blocked too if you don’t make it clear to her. 3. If you don’t start to set better boundaries with your mom, I think we need to reevaluate our relationship and what it looks like going forward. Therapy may be helpful. But you can’t change someone – they have to want to change.
Good luck OP!” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you give your child a different last name than you have? His mother had the choice with your partner and she gave him his father’s last name. It’s not your job to fix that decision which she regrets.
And by the way, I wouldn’t give in for no other reason than if you bend on this, you’ll be setting a precedent and will never be able to make any decisions for your own child going forward without a war. Setting a boundary now will be a lot less painful but you and your partner need to get on the same page.” northern225
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start setting boundaries now or it will be worse when the baby is here. Make it clear that this is yours and your husband’s child not hers so only the two of you have a say in the naming. Trust me you want to have the same last name as your child, do not give in to her.
I grew up with a different variation of my parent’s last name and I hated it. In school, my teachers always assumed that my parents were divorced or that they were just my guardians. Some MILs are just so entitled and meddling. My own MIL went as far as to ask that my daughter be named after her.
My husband and I would just make jokes every time she brought it up. We should have just given her a hard no because she was shocked when we announced her name but her shock is her problem, not mine.” MommatoAD12
1. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Car's Decor Because My Brother Thinks It's Too Girly?
“I (17f) am quite literally the stereotype of when a teenager gets their first car. My parents paid for my car, and I paid for all the interior decorations (with the exception of the seat covers).
My car is white on the outside and has pink leather seat covers, covers, blankets, and pillows in the back and cute charms hanging everywhere. So my brother (16M) is an athlete and because my parents are tired I drive him to his 5 am practices to help them out.
My brother has told me he dislikes my car, asked me to change it, and has thrown out some of my charms and blankets because he “dislikes driving in a girly car” when I said no. I sat him down to ask him why he does this and he says he is embarrassed whenever I drop him off and pick him up.
I asked him if he was getting made fun of at all and he said he wasn’t, and I have met all his teammates and coaches and they do not seem like the type to tease someone for something like this.
Now I would understand this completely except for the fact my brother refuses to get his license because he “doesn’t feel like it.” My parents said that if he got his license they would pay for his car, gas, etc. but he just doesn’t want to, resulting in me or my parents driving him around everywhere.
Because he has the option to get his license and just chooses not to, I don’t think that it’s fair for him to complain about my car when I get him to and from practices at 5:00 am every day, and I normally buy him breakfast too because I know he is hungry (I don’t ask him for gas money either) since he doesn’t have a job.
I told him this and asked him to pay me for the thrown-out charms and blankets, which were around $30. He went ballistic and said that it was unfair to him, and threatened to rip my expensive seat covers if I didn’t change the car.
My parents are on my side but said that maybe I could get rid of some of the pink for him. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are doing him a huge favor. Let him know that as he hates driving in your girlie car, he no longer has to. He can organize a different way to get to his early practices.
Also, unless your parents have made clear to him that he needs to replace your property which he destroyed, they aren’t really on your side. What did they do about him stealing/destroying your stuff?” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, you are doing him a favor!
He should be grateful for the ride. I know, sensitive male teenage ego and all. I was there once. Still, beggars can’t be choosers. I wish my folks would have gotten me a car when I got my license. You are entitled to say no to giving him any more 0-ungodly early rides to practice anymore.
He can walk or bike or whatever. If your parents push back, mention that he is throwing out some of YOUR things in YOUR car. And if he ever does get a car… make sure to buy him a Hello Kitty steering wheel cover!” AwaySecret6609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you need to talk with your parents and get their understanding and backing on this. They should in no way be enabling his attitude. He has no right to throw away your things or threaten damage to your car.
He has to pay you back for a start. He gets to miss every practice until he does. You need a sincere apology too. Even a literal employee shouldn’t be treated like this. I’d tell your parents that it is not right for you to be expected to be his chauffeur, with him taking your time and paying you back in ingratitude, attitude, and entitlement.
Throwing away or damaging your things is absolutely beyond the pale. The only reason he isn’t getting his own license is laziness and the fact that it is easier to be a brat getting driven everywhere while complaining about the girly decor of the girl’s car he is getting driven around in like some kind of prince.
The answer is not to change the decor of the car so he further entrenches the idea that he is like an employer who gets to make demands to his chauffeur about everything, even how the car looks. I’d tell your parents that if he doesn’t start working toward getting his license you are going on strike and not driving him anywhere.
The conditions for doing him the massive favor of driving him to practice is that he respects you and your car, and that there is an end in sight. If he decides to sit on his butt and not work toward getting his license you will be sitting on your butt at home and not driving him anywhere, or driving off to do whatever you want while enjoying the wonderful pinkness of your car.
Ask them what they think will come from allowing him to treat you and your car like this, with no respect, while avoiding getting his license because being treated like a rich heir with a chauffeur is easier. What kind of man will enabling that turn him into?” kurokomainu
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