People Get Irritated Explaining Themselves In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Understand My Depression?
“I am currently living with my mom almost full time and I see my dad on some weekends.
I have a pretty good relationship with my dad, he always calls me and checks in on me, asks me how I’m doing or how school is going (I am 16). I can talk to my dad about anything.
However, it is not like that with my mom.
Whenever I try and talk to my mom about how I’m feeling she flips out on me, threatens to take all my stuff, and guilt trips me. She always says things like “Why are you doing this to me” “Where did I go wrong as a mom” just stuff like that.
I got diagnosed with depression when I was 13 (my mom also has depression + bipolar disorder) but my depression is why sometimes I just need someone to talk to about how I am feeling. But my mom just doesn’t listen and has a complete outburst just when I try to tell her how I’m feeling mentally.
Whenever she threatens to take my stuff, she claims that the reason I am upset is because of “my phone” (like all parents do) However I’m not on my phone a lot, and it has no correlation. She’ll threaten to smash my phone, or get rid of it.
I’ve explained to her that it is not because of my phone.
Since I got diagnosed with depression, whenever I have depressive episodes I tend to isolate myself in my room and not really talk to anyone. Whenever she notices this she flips out and does the exact same things.
I’ve told her it’s because of my depression multiple times and she still continues to yell and do those things. Instead of coming in and having a talk with me about it. I feel like she doesn’t even care. I can’t go to her when I’m feeling sad, and I can’t even stay in my comfort place without her having an outburst either.
Whenever my dad notices I’m in my room a lot he comes in and we have a talk about it, he listens and helps me.
Whenever I try to do things to cheer myself up like chat with a friend for a little or maybe play a game, she says “if you’re upset you shouldn’t be doing those things” So even when I try and make myself happy by doing things I once enjoyed, she still gets mad.
It’s so exhausting and I really don’t know what I am doing wrong, I just want to be able to talk to my mom, I just want her to care. I know parents get mad over dumb stuff sometimes and blame it on phones and all that but it is constantly, she screams at me for it, she guilt trips me and just threatens me all because I want to talk to her about how I’m doing.
I can’t even talk to her about how I’m feeling. I’m so tired of having everything I do make her mad. I don’t understand. If she would just come in and talk with me about why I’m in my room or stuff like that I would be able to feel comfortable not isolating myself so much.
But she doesn’t do that. It’s a constant cycle of her having an outburst and me isolating myself even more because of it.
If I am the issue here, or if I am doing something wrong can someone please tell me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Your mom took you to a mental health professional where you received your depression diagnosis. INFO: Has she seen anyone to get a diagnosis for whatever she might be battling? I’m not a mental health professional but it is a special interest of mine and, based on your description of her behavior, she is exhibiting some signs of a diagnosable disorder.
That’s all I’ll say because I’m not qualified to say more, but it might be worth it for your mom to see a psychologist that can help her work through her own stuff in a healthy way. And to answer your question, no, you are not the issue.
Mental health battles, regulating emotions and appropriate, healthy communication can be tricky, complex things for some people and it seems like your mother is lacking some skills in some of these categories.” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your mother may be having serious mental health issues as well.
I can not stress enough that that is not your problem and not something you need to fix. She needs to get help but not from you. You need to take care of yourself and have people take care of you. If moving in with your father will help you then that is what you should do.” Creative-Bass9949
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I know from experience how awful it is to be unable to talk to a parent, someone who is supposed to love nurture and support you, about mental health. You are doing the absolute right thing moving in with your dad.
Your mother will not change and you need to protect yourself and your mental health. Counselling will help first with your mental health & second with strategies to cope with your relationship or lack thereof with your mother so please ask your dad to get you counselling asap.
I must say you seem to be a very intelligent & thoughtful person with an excellent insight into your mental health. I hope things settle down for you soon.” Several-Ant-8701
24. AITJ For Not Answering My Internet Friend's Call During A Family Crisis?
“My (26 F) internet friend, let’s call her Sandy (23 F) has a history of calling me and getting upset if I don’t respond right away.
She lives on the West Coast, and I live in the Midwest.
We have met in person a handful of times, gone on weekend trips, etc. but I wouldn’t consider her one of my closest friends. She doesn’t have many “real life” friends, so I try to be of support the best I can with the distance and such.
3 weeks ago, Sandy called me out of the blue after not talking for a few weeks. I was in the middle of talking to my family over something that was pretty devastating (TW: miscarriage) My older sister had just miscarried and wasn’t able to receive medical care due to Texas laws.
It was traumatic and painful for her, and heartbreaking for our family.
I texted Sandy the next day apologizing for missing her call and asking if she needed to talk. She snapped at me, calling me a bad friend, and she realized who her “true friends were” werehout giving me any other details.
I told her she could reach out to me when she wanted to do so respectfully. Fast forward to a couple of days ago. I was out in the city with a mutual friend, Mars (24 M) enjoying the weekend. I had mentioned to him that I feel bad for whatever Sandy is going through and I assume she is pregnant and having a hard time making a decision.
He went pale and said nothing on the subject, confirming my suspicions but I didn’t press it any further. Sandy has always been adamant about not wanting kids, so I made my assumption and accepted that it’s not my circus, not my monkeys.
However, Sandy called Mars while we were out and got upset that we were together, insinuating that he was “picking sides” by committing to plans we had made months ago.
She snapped at him, suggesting that he spilled the beans and was talking bad about her behind her back, none of which is true. Mars has always been a very good friend to the both of us and was very adamant in not discussing her business with me and I admired and respected that.
I may have been the jerk in this decision, but I felt the need to stand up for Mars. I told Sandy that Mars never once mentioned her situation, but I simply assumed that she fell pregnant and was scared about what to do moving forward.
I opened up to her that my sister had just lost her pregnancy and it was a very sensitive subject for me currently, but that I would always support her in any of her decisions. I explained that my family had just found out about the miscarriage as I missed Sandy’s call.
Sandy then said that I was victimizing myself, that it was “weird” that I was so upset that my sister miscarried, and that she hoped my *sister* felt better.
I was pretty hurt by her lack of understanding and empathy and kind of expected to be cut a little slack while I grieve.
It feels like petty high school drama over an adult subject.
Reddit, AITJ for not answering my gaming friend’s phone call?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sometimes can’t pick up calls even if it’s your closest friend, or a family member, if you’re in the middle of something important.
You did call her back. She didn’t care for it, didn’t show any empathy for your situation, didn’t trust a friend who didn’t give her a reason not to. She just sounds exhausting tbh. And not a friend material. Don’t beat yourself up about it, and go NC.” duchess5788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This Sandy is no friend but an emotional leech who has zero empathy for anyone else. Don’t waste your breath with this person.” WillowPractical
23. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay Me Back After Covering His Expenses?
“Me (M22) and this friend (M20) have developed a close friendship for around 8 months at university from playing basketball together.
He’s from a different province so he rents here with his partner at the time near campus while I live with my parents which is an hour’s drive from campus. He lives off his loans and doesn’t work. Because of that, I try being a good friend and offering him to dinner events for food, my house for food, and helping him with coursework at school, etc. and I’ll be the one driving.
One week he broke up with his partner so he was pretty much homeless and had to stay at his other friend’s dorm till he found his place and he asked me for $20 for food. I gave it to him and said “No worries just pay me back when you get the money”.
So whenever we go out together with our friend group I know that he doesn’t have the funds to go out like that so I always offer to cover/split with him. We split a $30 bottle of booze when going clubbing which was $15 that he’s not paying back.
Everything added up to being CAD 100 overall which I paid for him. But the one event that bothered me the most was when our friend group went out together to a hot pot restaurant where the amount you pay depends on the weight of the bowl that you put the food in yourself.
I offered to pay for him when we got there. But when everyone’s average price was around CAD 20, my friend ended up getting a bowl of food that was CAD 40.
So my question is if someone offered to pay for your food, would you go crazy and order whatever is on the menu, or would you hold back and be lenient knowing it’s not coming out of your wallet?
While we lined up to pay I said it’s fine I’ll cover for you because our other friends were around and I didn’t want to seem like I backed out after seeing the price of the food that I won’t be eating, but also knowing this friend cannot afford a $40 plate of food.
On the same night, he was straight disrespecting and talking trash to me at the table in front of our friends. A few days later I decided to ask him to pay me back for the $20 that he begged and requested from me for food and the $40 that he went crazy on knowing it wasn’t his money, so $60 total. I didn’t even mind that he owes me another $40 for all the stuff I got for him and that I wasn’t asking money back for the bottle of booze etc. His excuses were saying how I’m petty because he hurt my ego that night, how he doesn’t have the funds (tells me he has $35 in his bank account but I’m like how do you afford food then) but when he has the funds from his minimum wage job he’ll pay me back, how he has helped me with other free stuff, and he promised he’ll pay me back during August. But to this day 6 months later he still hasn’t paid me back since I decided to ask him to pay back in April.
It seems like this whole time he was taking advantage of me, or AITJ the whole time for asking for money back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He was being greedy and taking advantage of your kindness. It sounds like he is the kind of person to just keep taking and taking.
If it has been 6 months and he still hasn’t paid you back, he isn’t likely to now. If I were you I’d just move on, write the money off, and stop treating him as a friend. He’s made it clear that your friendship isn’t worth the price of a couple of meals.
So, just distance yourself from him.” One-Passion5107
22. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Manipulative Father?
“I come from a family that is for the most broke and with a lot of issues. I don’t exactly have the best relationship with my dad or some other people in my family.
I (F15) recently went through a tough time with my sisters because we were suddenly told that my dad put the house up for sale and that my father and stepmother were breaking up with each other (they had been engaged to each other since 2018 if I can remember).
Everything seemed fine with me attending my old school until the last day I was there.
It wasn’t until 2 weeks after they announced the random house sale and breakup that I finally found out what had truly happened between the two and why the house was being put up for sale.
From what my sister explained to me, my dad ran out of money and needed to sell the house because he had an upcoming surgery on his leg. But the thing is, he keeps switching up the story about how he wasn’t getting the surgery and that he initially was selling the house because he ran out of money, was broke, and couldn’t afford to pay the bills anymore.
This didn’t surprise me though because he always did something similar to this to get money. He would create some sort of sob story about how he couldn’t walk or was tired, or that he had just even come out of the hospital, which wasn’t true.
Another thing I learned was that he was having an affair with a woman named Jessica behind my stepmom’s back, claiming it was ‘love at first sight’. This truly broke the last straw I had with him about the situation. He had thrown away an 11-year relationship with someone who took care of him whenever he needed something to eat, whenever he fell out of bed had seizures, or needed money.
Yes, he did steal money from her. Not only that, he had also gotten promise rings with this Jessica woman.
He also was getting child support money from my mother, along with a card that had money on it for him to spend on me and my brother since my sisters are 19 and 20.
But did he? No. He spent it only on himself to buy action figures, food for himself, or other things he didn’t need that he would later on just resell. Another time was when I was younger, my dead excuse of a grandmother got me and my brother into a car accident which resulted in me cracking my forehead open.
The court had issued me a bank account with a few thousand dollars in it that I couldn’t access until I turned 18. The thing is, my dad at the time had legal guardianship over it. My mom noticed that my dad had done something with the account and that the money had gone missing.
To this day they don’t know where it went or what he did with it. The only thing I can guess is that he bought things for himself even though the money rightfully belonged to me.
I’m doing a little bit better now though because thankfully my mother took me and my brother in.
So, AITJ for telling my dad to never contact me again after he caused all of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see why you feel betrayed. The man who is supposed to support you throughout your childhood seems to be leeching off of you instead.
I wonder if you can sue him for the money that he stole out of your account. You might even get the court to garnish his wages. It’s crazy for the courts to give a guy who is so irresponsible guardianship over your account.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a miserable person and has made his bed. I would talk to Mom about threatening to sue him to get your money back. Do not feel guilty and do not let him back into your life. He will steal again.
I went to NC and it was the best decision ever. Good Luck.” Any_Dragonfruit4130
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear Girl, you did nothing wrong and you are NTJ, what you have is a Narcissist Hypochondriac, I was raised by one, I Divorced my family 30+years ago, I sought Therapy for myself, and the question I always ask myself was, what is more important, my sanity or a relationship with Disfunction, I chose ME and my Sanity, they will try to guilt you because that’s how they try to control.
No one can tell you what is best for you, only you can know that. I’m glad you are with your mom. Stay Strong and think of YOU” Affectionate-Oil7301
21. AITJ For Telling My Nosy Great Aunt Off After She Invaded My Privacy?
“I’m 26 and my daughter is 4.5 months. I live in my childhood home & my great-aunt rents the house next door. We call her Peaches. She’s notoriously nosy, always in someone’s business, & LOUD. She had a key to our house because while it was vacant, my dad asked her to check on the house.
We’ve had issues ever since I moved back last year of her walking right in the front door without knocking. After repeatedly asking/telling her to not come in without a heads up/permission, I thought it was getting better. After I got really angry about that she apologized and told me she’d never do it again & she “wanted me to trust her”.
Fast forward 2 months & I go out of town with my mom. I have a camera set up pointed at my bed so I can watch my baby and I sleep when I choose to cosleep. Since I only use it for that / monitoring naps, I never have the notifications on.
When I got home after the trip, I noticed the camera had shifted. I grabbed my phone to look over the footage. I’m scrolling and then I see Peaches in my room. She beelines STRAIGHT for my bed, grabs a towel I had hanging & COVERS my camera.
Then I hear shuffling and multiple cabinets opening and closing. My room is like a mini apartment with a kitchen and everything. I hear her moving things around and who knows what. About 10 minutes later, she flings the towel off the camera and walks out of the room & leaves.
Oh my gosh. I was LIVID. As an only child, someone in my space INFURIATES me. We live out in the middle of nowhere, I should NOT have to get home in the dark with my baby and then feel completely vulnerable to know that someone was not only in my house but the room I live in without my knowledge or consent.
So I call her. And at first, she COMPLETELY DENIES it! I said dude, I CAN SEE YOU. On the camera.?! Then she told me she was looking for the beer I told her she could have from the MAIN kitchen fridge. Then she’s like, but I didn’t even end up taking the beer.
I told her, yeah I know they’re still in the fridge. Why wouldn’t you just ask me and I’d say sure go get them?? And she’s like well I knew you were out of town ?!? I lay into her and said what the heck why would you think that’s okay & if that’s true WHAT were you doing going through my stuff??
She couldn’t offer a reason and said that she wasn’t thinking.
She’s the kind of person that needs help often, like asking for a favor a day. I have always been happy to help her.
Then I find out she’s talking negatively about me and then THIS.
She’s like please don’t kick me out of my house! I’m not going to kick someone out of their house but it sure is unnerving to be living right next to someone with no respect for your boundaries. So I told her to leave me and my daughter alone.
She hasn’t apologized again but has tried to have other conversations but I won’t let them get far. We’ve had conversations regarding my privacy for over a YEAR. AITJ for this even though she adores my daughter??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Get a lock on your door.
Ask for the locks to be changed on the house as well. She obviously can’t be trusted. She had no business covering your camera and looking through your room. That’s such a violation of privacy. She has misused her privileges and I wouldn’t even talk to her anymore if I were you.
As far as her seeing and visiting your baby, I wouldn’t let her for a while. Who knows what she’s capable of, especially if she’s been drinking or wants revenge.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can continue to adore your daughter- from whatever distance suits you.
Meanwhile, please change your locks. If she is going through your things, she is either 1- looking for items to steal. 2- looking for items to bug you about (heirlooms, whatever) or 3 possibly planting such items to discredit you. This is really disturbing behavior. It’s called stalking.” Apples_fan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get the locks changed. She adores your daughter, so I don’t suggest cutting ties, but control all future interactions. Controlling her access to you, your daughter, and your home gives her a lot less info to use to bad mouth you.
Of course, she’s going to bad mouth you for changing the locks. Feel free to tell people what she did or just ride it out. If you continue to have visits with her, her complaint is going to quickly lose traction. It’s not about the person, it’s about the behavior.” Aware_Welcome_8866
20. AITJ For Choosing To Celebrate My Birthday With My Mom Instead Of Sharing It With My Half-Siblings?
“My parents divorced when I (15m) was 2. My mom’s had a partner since I was 6. Dad got married when I was 8. My dad has a stepson (11) and his birthday is 2 days before mine.
So when dad first got married again he made us have a joint birthday party and made a huge deal out of my mom doing something as big or bigger. He said she should let him take care of those parties and she should celebrate with me alone.
Instead of making it a fight she’d take me and my best friend to do something to celebrate. My half-sister was born on my 10th birthday and she was added to the joint celebration at Dad’s. They made a very big deal about us being birthday twins and my dad’s wife got on my case about me not being happy about it.
I hated that she was born on my birthday and now had to share with both my stepbrother and half-sister. She told me we’re all siblings and I should love sharing with my little sister. She said I wouldn’t be as upset if she was a full sister but that was nonsense and I should embrace having a sibling who shares my birthday and shouldn’t make a big deal out of it because she’s half.
I don’t have fun celebrating with my dad’s family. The parties are more for my half-sister and stepbrother than me and I feel like everyone makes a bigger deal out of us having the same birthday and birthdays so close together. We get so many photos taken together and Dad’s wife is always criticizing the fact I’m not hugging them or kissing them or holding my half-sister or being silly and loving to them in the photos.
She says I look so cold and like we’re not actual siblings. I rolled my eyes at her one year and she told me it hurts the kids and not her so I should be better. Dad doesn’t care about her saying this stuff.
I talked to Mom about it and she agreed to throw me a party this year, like a real one.
We invited all my friends over and she got a huge bounce house with a water slide attachment she bought huge (and huge) water guns and set it up where I and my friends could have a blast. She also set up the basement for a games night sleepover.
It was the best birthday I had in years. I always preferred celebrating with mom but she threw a party I enjoyed more and I liked that it was just about me. My friends had more fun too because we didn’t have to watch out for little kids.
We could go crazy on the bounce house and slide.
When Dad found out about the party he got so mad. His wife was angry that I didn’t save the experience to share with my stepbrother and half-sister. My mom told Dad to leave me out of it and she never should have tried to keep the peace for my sake by listening.
He said parties should include my siblings. She said not when they’re at her house and for me and my friends. Dad told me he was disappointed I couldn’t embrace sharing parties with my siblings and chose my mom to have my 15th party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, your dad and stepmom are being ridiculous. Your mom is awesome for realizing her mistake and giving you a proper birthday party. Your FIFTEENTH birthday party!! That your dad wanted you to have a joint party with an eleven-year-old and a FIVE-year-old?!?
Get outta here with that! Nonsense. I’m glad your mom did right by you and I hope you have an even more awesome 16th bday party!” Even_Budget2078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have to share your birthday with *two* “siblings” and your dad can’t understand that his push to force you to give up any chance of having a day to be celebrated is putting a giant wedge into his fantasy “perfect family?” Enjoy your time with your mom.
She’s correct that there is no reason to share anything with anyone else on your special day – and she has every right to let you feel special, cherished, and loved. Even with twins, good parents at least *try* to find ways to celebrate each individual instead of just lumping them together as a bargaining unit.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are divorced. Your mom is allowed to spend her time/ celebrate your birthday with you how she pleases. Just as your father has done for all your past birthdays. He also needs to realize (as the adult here) that you have feelings and instead of insisting on things like this, to find ways to work with you together to come to a happy outcome that works for everyone.” Ok-Horror-1049
19. AITJ For Suggesting My Germaphobic Housemate Needs Therapy Or Live Alone?
“I (23F) own my unit with a mortgage, but I have a housemate to help with the bills.
My current housemate who I’ll call J (29F) has been living with me for five months. J told me up front that she has autism and OCD. No one else lives in the unit.
The unit has two bathrooms. Mine is an ensuite, the other is the main bathroom.
A month or two after J moves in, she tells me that she’s actually a massive germaphobe and uncomfortable with guests using her bathroom. She requests that when I have guests over they use my bathroom. It seemed to really affect her, so I was okay to compromise and do that.
Soon after that, I had a board game night with three friends, one of whom was a guy. A few days later, my housemate asked if he had used her bathroom since she found urine on the rim of her toilet seat. I said no, I showed him where mine was when he needed to use it and he was with me the whole time otherwise.
She appeared to accept that at the time.
Anyway, I have just been away for two weeks on a trip to Japan. The two weeks before I went away, J was housesitting and only returned to the house the day of my flight. I messaged her on the day to double check she was okay to look after the cats, but I never saw her in person.
When I got home it seemed everything was fine.
The next day at around 11:30 am, when J was at work, I received an extremely long text, too long to screenshot, saying that a man must have used her bathroom whilst she was away housesitting and that she had locked the door (which I wasn’t aware of) before she left and it was now unlocked. She said she was anxious every time I had a guest over that they would use her bathroom, and this was proof that her boundary had been crossed.
I was shocked. No one had used her bathroom, the only person I had over at the house at that time was my brother. He didn’t use the bathroom the whole time he was there.
The only thing that made sense to me with the unlocked door was that my cats had broken in.
My cats have figured out how to bang on doors to break the latch, which my housemate had seen them do.
I offered to check the latch if she thought the cats had unlocked the door, but my housemate reiterated that a man must have used it since there was urine under the toilet seat.
This was another very long text message.
Then came hours of back and forth with me reiterating that no one had used her bathroom, and her being convinced that it had to have been a man and couldn’t be splashback from her using her own toilet.
She would say she would let it go but then would ask to discuss it further.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I said that if she was truly this paranoid that someone had used her bathroom and that she was anxious every time I had guests over, she needed to either seek help for it or look into living alone.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is going to sound mean, and it’s not something I would ever say to J to their face… but there is a reason she is house-sharing with a 23-year-old even though she is pushing 30: it’s because nobody her age will want to live with her.
Nobody her age would have put up with this behavior for as long as you have. You are a lot younger than her and, well, it’s your house; you can’t just never have friends around because it makes her her anxious. The anxiety is her cross to bear and she needs to develop some coping strategies.
It sucks that she has OCD and autism, but neither of those things is an excuse to just neglect to manage her symptoms, and it isn’t your job to tread on eggshells around her in your own home.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds exhausting so I don’t blame you for saying that.
I would’ve stopped texting back after your first response. If she doesn’t want to believe you that’s on her. You shouldn’t be having to deal with a paranoid grown adult sending you long texts over pee under the toilet seat which is more than likely her own.
She needs to get ahold of herself and seek professional help or live by herself” Plastic-Ad-4465.
18. AITJ For Giving My Sister 90 Days To Move Out After She Helped Raise My Kids?
“When I (39F) was in the military, I asked my second oldest sister (40F) if she could stay at my house while I was deployed to help my husband take care of my 3-year-old and my newborn.
She was still living at home with my mom and stepdad at the time. She had a part-time job, and I was going to be deployed to Iraq for about a year. She said yes.
My mom passed away the following year after I got back from deployment.
My husband and I let her stay with us, and she continued to look after my children. As my children got older, the need for her to stay at home lessened, and we talked about her getting a job. Whenever we have moved, we have rented or purchased a house so that she would have a room to herself.
My kids didn’t get separate bedrooms until 2019. Throughout the years, we have provided for her as one of our children. We helped her get a job, and her license, gave her a car, and put her on our insurance. We drove her to and from work when she didn’t have her license or a car.
I was silently waiting for the “I want to go out on my own” conversation from her that never came.
We have butted heads a lot, and for the past 2 years, it’s gotten intense. We had a blow-up earlier this year, and she pretty much told me that she has nothing because of me.
She put her life on hold for me. She has told me I’m controlling and two-faced and always want things my way (I can’t tolerate a dirty house), and when it’s not done my way, I throw a fit. She has also said I’m not a mother, and I don’t listen to my children.
She has said that my husband is not a father because instead of spending quality time with them when they were children, he was working or playing video games. Needless to say, my youngest feels closer to her aunt than to us and considers her more of a parental figure.
However, we have always had clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads, and food on the table.
The thing is, she seemed/seems unhappy, “living under my rules.” Honestly, if I could buy her her own house, I would. We were raised by our mom with the concept of family first and always.
However, as I have gotten older, I don’t blindly believe in that anymore. I have had conversations with my kids (16F and 19F) that if they truly feel like I or their dad is a detriment to their overall well-being and if we truly threaten their peace it’s okay to cut ties and walk away.
I want my sister to feel like she has something of her own. I don’t want her to keep using me or my family as an excuse as to why she can’t do what she wants when she wants to. I told her she’d always have a home with me.
However, she needs to leave the nest. I have had several discussions with my husband, who has been accommodating, and we have agreed that if she can’t make it on her own, she can come back.
So, am I the jerk for telling my sister she has 90 days to find a new place to live?”
Another User Comments:
“I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly. When you were 23 and she was 24, you asked her to help with the kids for a year while you were overseas. She chose to stay for an additional 15 years despite having plenty of opportunities to start living independently.
She’s moved with you multiple times and never felt the need to branch off separately, but now she’s saying that you stole her youth? If my understanding above is correct, NTJ at all. She’s a grown adult who chose to continue following you rather than living her own life.” User
Another User Comments:
“So your sister has been a live-in nanny for 14 years without pay? We both know getting her her driver’s license wasn’t out of some altruistic motive, but so she could drive your kids around. She stuck around because of your kids.
Because she felt that you and your husband were emotionally neglecting your kids. And even you agree that your kid feels like she is more like a parent than the two of you. And you’re even blasé about the possibility of your kids going NC.
I would love to hear her side of this because I believe her view would be very different. But just out of curiosity. Who does the cleaning the cooking and the laundry? Who do your kids call if they need to talk or need help?” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say no jerks here, but will admit I’m making a lot of assumptions based on your secondhand retelling of some of her comments. You’re not a jerk for setting a realistic timeline and still discussing with your husband to provide a safe space for failure – especially since there is a very real chance that she will fail to launch as a 40-year-old woman with what appears to be a limited work history.
But I can’t say that she’s a jerk either based on some of your comments. From her saying that your husband took a very passive parenting role while you were deployed, a lot of your comments revolving around the material aspects of providing for your family, and your child feeling that she’s more of a parental figure than either you or your husband, it seems like she has more binding her to your household than just the financial aspects.
Your sister probably feels like any attempts to pursue an independent life would amount to abandoning her niece – who has been almost like a child to her. The dynamics are quite a bit muddy. On top of that, you told your kids that if they wanted to cut ties with you, then they could just walk away.
That comes off as really cold, even if the intent is benign – everyone needs to be wanted and to feel loved and cherished. That again appears to be a need that your sister has been meeting.” Kaynico
17. AITJ For Buying A Car My Fiancé Disapproves Of?
“Recently my car stopped working, to the point it would be twice the value if it were to be fixed. So I’m looking for a new one. I thought I only had two hard and one preferred “filters” in my search. Nothing over 200k miles, an SUV, and the preferred third row.
During my search, my fiance would say no to just about everything. And only approved of some very old vehicles, as in older than our oldest living at home. I want something newer than 2010 and found a beautiful 2014 7 seater that I got the seller to agree to for $3.5k, $500 less than my full budget, due to it needing a new cosmetic bumper cover and a state inspection to get a rebuilt title.
My fiance didn’t want me even considering this car due to it being in an accident, but I met the seller yesterday and am going again tomorrow to fill out the paperwork and buy it from him. He bought it for $3k to flip and make a profit, but no longer has the space to work on it.
So for less than $4k, I can get a car easily worth $8k.
So am I the jerk for not following my fiance’s wishes with this car?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t get anything with a rebuilt title. The guy bought it to flip it but didn’t do all the work, so you cannot possibly know what needs to be done to it.
It is not worth $8k, and probably isn’t worth the $3.5k he’s asking for it. I’m not trying to take your partner’s side here, but really, this car is just a bad idea–penny-wise but pound-foolish.” Angelle
Another User Comments:
“This is an incredibly bad idea.
The flipper is dumping the car because it will cost more money/time/to get it road-worthy than they are willing to spend to make it road-legal. Never buy a used vehicle without getting a pre-purchase inspection from a certified mechanic. That vehicle is most likely a money pit.” Solid-Feature-7678
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. His recommendations for a car are a little odd but he does have a valid point that the car you found is sketchy. It needs an inspection you don’t know if it’ll pass and may require a lot of money to get it to that point.
You could be spending less than $4k to buy a vehicle you need to dump $3k into just to make it able to pass the inspection to get a rebuilt title. It’ll have very little if any, resale value at that point. This guy could be selling it because he realized it was a nightmare and wanted to pass the mess on to someone else, that someone else being you.
Your fiancee is objecting to an objectively sketchy situation. It’s worth talking to your fiancee and asking him for more information as to why he’s steering you towards older vehicles and what exactly he thinks is important in looking for a car.” HeloRising
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Continually Use My Car And Not Wanting To Regularly Visit His Dad?
“I’m 25F my partner is 27M. We have been together for 2 years. My partner’s car recently broke down, it had previous problems but he couldn’t afford to fix them. I let him borrow my car for a week while he was looking for a new car.
He couldn’t get a loan on his own due to bad credit so he got his dad to cosign, however, the dealership said that they had to live together for them to cosign a week later, no car… I explained to him that I would not be comfortable with him continuing to use my car because it gives me anxiety.
The financial burden falls on me. He’s not in the position to be able to buy me a new car or fix my car. He understood this and got an electric bike. Problem solved however he used my car one other time which I allowed, to drive to his dad‘s who lives about 30 minutes away to clean the car out to sell to caravans.
It is currently in his dad’s garage. Now a week later, he needs to go back over because his dad told him he doesn’t want it in his garage. He has to help his dad tow the car to the street. I said this time I would help him and drive him out there but I let him know I don’t want this to be a constant thing.
Now his dad wants to invite us over for dinner and to watch a football game that same day. I don’t want to be over at someone else’s house watching sports. I want to go home and relax! My partner said it was fine but he expressed he would like to go to dinner with his family once a month & he’d like me to go with him.
We have a sort of rocky relationship. We lived with his dad for 9 months & quickly left because his dad would constantly criticize me for being shy and not wanting to be out in the living room socializing 24/7. I paid rent & he ended up blowing up at me & screaming in my face.
I moved out with my partner. Although we’ve gotten past it. I get instant anxiety and feel uncomfortable around him. I try my best when I go over to smile and have a conversation as if nothing ever happened to get past it. There are times I enjoy being around his dad but It’s like walking on eggshells… anything I do might offend him.
Anyway, I told my partner that he is more than welcome to go out there, but I won’t be going every single time unless I’m up for it. My partner seems to understand this but also said what worries him is his dad saying “I haven’t seen (me) in a while” etc. I let him know.
I find that a little annoying because we are adults and no one owes anyone anything. I still don’t want him driving my car. Of course, I feel bad, but it’s not like I don’t wanna help at the same time I’m realistic and know that if stuff goes down, I’m the only one that’s gonna be able to do anything about it.
He can ask his dad to come pick him up or get an Uber right?!
Am I the jerk for not wanting to let him borrow my car to see his dad and not wanting to go over every single month to his dad’s?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You’ve already been generous by lending him the car before, but it’s understandable to set boundaries, especially when it comes to your financial stability and peace of mind. Plus, feeling uncomfortable around his dad makes it even harder to commit to regular visits.
Your partner seems to respect your feelings, so it’s all about finding a balance that works for both of you without feeling pressured. It’s okay to prioritize your comfort.” Additional_Way_3082.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but I just wanna say that any adult grilling another adult about being social is so toxic and needs therapy.
A family member of mine dealt with this with his mother. She’d force him to come into the living room to watch a movie with them and that stuff drove me up a wall with that disrespect. I think you should find someone more on your level of responsibility, and with a family that you get along with.” Medical-Cut2469
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just co-signed a car for my daughter, and she doesn’t even live in the same state, so I don’t know what that dealer is talking about. The person who insures the car has to be on the title, and that person’s address needs to be where the car is registered. Possibly the dad wanted to be on the title if he was going to co-sign.
But that’s whatever. You don’t have to loan your car to anyone, and you don’t have to go to visit with someone you don’t want to. But I hope you do go visit him. Lots of people have trouble sharing a house for months at a time.
The fact that his dad is asking for you means he wants to improve the relationship. It’s fine if you’re introverted, but this is a pretty manageable situation. You drive. If there’s an issue, it’s up to him whether he wants a ride home, but you leave when YOU want.” 1962Michael
15. AITJ For Not Giving A Wedding Gift Despite The Invitation Saying No Gifts Needed?
“Myself (28F) and this friend (33F) had met through work & we’re both doing PhDs in the same field. I spent two whole days doing data collection for one of her PhD studies and I never got anything in return, but I didn’t mind because I considered her a friend, that’s what friends do.
Anyway, she got married last year and on the invitation, they clearly said they don’t expect gifts. I didn’t get a gift because of the above and I also just couldn’t afford one. I went to all of her bridal appointments, which was quite a hassle to get to (a 2-hour drive there and back), but I wanted to be there for her.
So I guess I felt like I had been a good friend to her in that I made the effort to celebrate her for all her fittings. The wedding came and went, we had a great time.
Fast forward a few months and we’re staying together at a hotel for a conference.
I’m presenting as I was a finalist for an award for one of my previous papers. That night was the party night and she decided to stay at the hotel as she was stressed with her PhD which wasn’t going too well. I went & ended up having a great evening with the vice president of the society that hosts the conference (one of the top experts in our field).
He had asked me to come into an amazing project with him & I was so excited.
I woke up the next morning and told her about the night. All of a sudden she became really upset because the bathroom was a mess (I have no memory of being in the bathroom, apparently I’d touched her makeup and made a mess but I only remember coming home and going to bed?).
She was yelling at me about how disrespectful I was, I apologized a lot.
Out of nowhere, she says “I noticed you never got me a wedding gift by the way”. It shocked me as I thought I’d been a really good friend and they didn’t ask for gifts.
She knew my financial situation was bad. She then said “Guess how much it costs to have a wedding” I refused to answer and said I know it’s expensive, she asked 3 more times (super aggressively). I just said how sorry I was, I didn’t realize that was the expectation, it’s the first wedding I’ve been to for a friend and I took the instruction on the invitation literally.
I explained I felt I had celebrated her and put effort and time into being at her appointments, and she responded sarcastically with “Oh I’m so sorry you had to go to all that effort”. Again I was just so shocked, I’ve never had a “friend” be so overly nasty to me like this.
I just burst into tears and she kept asking me why I was crying. She then started asking if we were even friends and if I didn’t know what was customary I should have just “looked it up”. She also asked, “If you’re so poor how did you afford to get here?” (Scholarships).
I think she was jealous of the opportunities I had had and been offered, as I am younger and had only just started my PhD. I feel horrible and embarrassed that I missed the memo about a gift, but I truly believe I gifted my time which is all I could gift at the time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend exposed a really ugly side of her personality and I think she did you a favor in doing so. You were not wrong to not get her a gift and I’d guess you weren’t the only one. It’s incredibly rude of the couple to put that on the wedding and then proceed to judge and hold it against guests who follow the instructions.
As you said, she’s jealous and may be broadly resentful towards you. You did nothing wrong. I strongly suggest you keep your distance moving forward. This woman is no friend of yours.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure if this will be a popular opinion or not but wedding expectations can be mad these days In my opinion the only reason to notice if people brought a gift is to make sure you thank them, weddings can be darn expensive to attend.
I invited people to my wedding because I care about them and want them there not because of gifts. Nobody should put a financial strain on friends because they decided to get married. How much a friend’s friend costs is simply not my problem, however, they want to celebrate their love is their choice but doesn’t entitle you to anything.” Ok-Penalty7568
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might have been her friend but she was never yours. It sounds like she was fine with having you around because it made her feel better about herself. When you were presented with a significant opportunity, you stopped serving your purpose to her so she revealed who shy is.” Outrageous_Fly_4296
14. AITJ For Snapping At A Late Classmate Who Constantly Disrupts My Learning?
“I, 21 f, am part of a relatively small PhD program.
Like all PhD programs, it’s incredibly rigorous, meaning missing even a few minutes of lecture can leave you confused for the whole unit. There’s this one woman, a bit older than the majority of the group, who I’ll call Gabby. Gabby constantly shows up late to class.
This wouldn’t be an issue except she always sits right next to me and then will loudly ask me to catch her up on what’s going on in class. I just push my notebook over, but then she asks me questions incredibly loud (to the point professors have called her out) on certain notes she doesn’t get and things.
All around it’s an incredibly distracting time which then leaves me scrambling to keep up with the lecture.
The first few times I didn’t mind, but this is every day now. One day someone asked her in a joking way why she was always so late and she, in a very condescending manner, told us we didn’t know her struggle because she had to work and was a mom.
While none of the other girls could relate to being a mom (nor would ever deny how hard it is to be one), all 14 of us do work, and 13 of us are full-time. I work night shifts (11p-7a) and then go to class all day and don’t get to rest until 3 pm five or take.
Also, while this could be an excuse for her being late to the first class of the day, all our classes are relatively close in time so we all end up spending the whole day in the same building between classes so why she’s late to the other classes of the day is still unclear.
The worst one was when she came in 30 minutes late to an exam and kept trying to ask me questions about it, as the professor was right there. After this time, I tried talking to her about how I didn’t mind sharing my notes if she came in late, but that she needed to make a more conscious effort to be to class on time and also that she couldn’t talk to me and ask questions during class, but I’d be willing to catch her up on what she missed after classes.
She said she would try and be more conscientious of that, but I needed to be more sympathetic to her as I didn’t know how hard it was to be a mother. The very next class, despite her promise she would try to improve, the same thing happened. I’ve also tried sitting in a different seat, she continues to sit next to me.
Finally today I snapped. When she came in, I did slide over my notebook a bit for her to copy, but whenever she tried to ask me a question, I ignored her. After class, she asked why I did that and I told her I was not going to be missing lectures anymore because of her tardiness.
She started telling me how awful of a day she was having with her son out of school with the flu and how I didn’t get it as I wasn’t a mother and I snapped and told her I didn’t care. I told her PhD programs were hard and that if she wanted to be successful here she needed to get her life together.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is taking advantage of you. If she can’t handle the program, she can’t handle the program. Stop sharing notes or helping her at all. Nip it in the bud. Believe it or not, you are still in the easy part of the program.
Just wait until she is trying to copy your research or plagiarize your writing when she gets behind on her dissertation or undermines your deadlines because she expects your help all the time.” MidnightPositive485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her tardiness is affecting your ability to absorb the class.
When her problems become other people’s problems, a line has to be drawn. You aren’t required to help her at all, so she should be grateful that you are still willing to share your notes instead of whining that you aren’t chatting her up in class to give her the play-by-play of what she missed. Her struggles probably suck.
Nobody is out here denying that being a student, a mother, and a worker all at once would be hard. But nobody is required to burden themselves to make her life a little easier.” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom worked as a teacher and school principal her whole life.
In her school, there was a tolerance of 10 minutes after the bells for late kids. There was this one mother that was ALWAYS late with her kids. My mom talked to her about it. Nothing changed. My mom talked to her again and this time told her that if she appeared again after the 10-minute tolerance her kids would not be allowed inside the school.
The woman then told my mom “You don’t know how hard it is to have 3 kids and get them all ready in the morning!”. Oh, she said that to the wrong person, because not only is my mother a mom of 3 kids, but she also has zero patience for people who use their children as excuses, so her reply was: “When you were making them it was fun, wasn’t it?” So yeah.
Just like this lady, Gabby chose to be a mom. Life is hard? Her choice. She’s tired because she has to work and take care of her kid? That was her choice.” SatsuJin7
13. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Off My YouTube Channel Over Creative Differences?
“So about a month ago, I kicked a friend of three years off of my YouTube channel, which he had been helping me on.
At first, I let him create his “own” video, and by that I mean I approved a topic suggestion from him and then let him write (most) of it, and then I added in the visuals and posted it. My YouTube channel is for history videos, and he decided to make a ‘what if’ kind of situation instead.
At first, I wasn’t bothered by this, but quickly it became my second most popular video.
Since it was so popular, I created another ‘what if’ kind of history video. Now, my friend, who we’ll call Cameron, suggested turning it into a series, which I reluctantly agreed to.
Over the next week, he created flags, national foods, religions, etc. I mostly edited the videos visually and worked on the scripts, which took over 15 hours a week, which I quickly got tired of.
The first red flag was when he started asking to be the narrator and edit videos, while also inviting people to work on the channel without even asking me.
The first person he asked was one of my closest friends, who we’ll call Kaleb. He never became very involved so I let it slide. Then, Cameron asked someone else to start writing the scripts with him, whom I didn’t even know, which made me angry.
A few weeks later, he decided to make me a schedule of when I worked on the videos, since I missed an upload to my channel every other month, and he genuinely tried to get me to adhere to it, which was my last straw.
I sent him, and the now 5 people that he had added, a lengthy message explaining my decision. I kindly stated everything mentioned above. I also said that he could stay with a much more minor role, and he said he understood. A little later, Kaleb responded, and he later told me he didn’t care that I kicked him out since he wasn’t even doing anything, and he wanted me to have full control of my own YouTube channel.
About an hour later, Cameron responded and said I couldn’t use anything he had even slightly worked on, and that I couldn’t use any of the art assets either. I didn’t care, since I wouldn’t record those ‘what if’ scripts or use his artwork anyway, but later he flipped and said I could.
Another hour went by, and he demanded a Discord call, which Kaleb and I joined.
In summary, he was angry and trying to negotiate with me, which I didn’t want to do. He also kept saying how he wanted to expand and add even more people, to create videos faster – the opposite of what I wanted.
After the call, Kaleb and I chatted and he told me Cameron talked behind my back, calling me lazy due to my upload schedule. He also told me Cameron didn’t care how long it took, but that I also needed to improve the quality – opposites.
Cameron claims that I made a massive power grab, which caused him to hate me, but I think he was usurping power and turning this into his own YouTube channel while doing minimum work. So what do we think, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the classic case of creative differences that break up the band.
Possibly your long email wasn’t the right way to go about the “break up”, but ultimately, you weren’t compatible because you had wildly different visions for the future of the channel. The collaboration was always doomed.” algunarubia
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Neglectful Mother Live With Me?
“I am a 29F who recently moved away and bought a house with my husband and little son. A little backstory about my mother and my life growing up. Since around 8 years old, my mother would leave my sister and me alone at home.
She would go to work or just go out clubbing with her friends. At around 15 years old, my sister started rebelling against me. Whenever I would inform my mother about something bad she would do, my mother would yell at me instead. Growing up, I knew I couldn’t speak to my mother because she would just lash out.
I grew up somewhat depressed because we also lived in a filthy home with other family members. My sister, mother, and I shared a bed and room while living together. She met an abusive man and moved him in. She forced my sister and me to leave the room and sleep in the living room.
About 12 years ago, she met her current partner who is a married man. His family knows about my mother. I do not agree with the relationship, but it’s her problem. Fast forward to 2 years ago, I had my son. She started showing up to my doorstep unannounced at whatever time she wanted even after telling her to please call beforehand.
Right before I moved across the state, she was involved in a car accident.
My sister was now living with her and took the burden of the financial situation. After my mother recovered, she still did not go out and look for a job. My sister got engaged and told my mother she was moving out.
My mother spends all day in bed, scrolling on her phone endlessly, and pretends to be dumb. While living with my sister, she would give her sister (my aunt) groceries because my aunt is another one who likes to rely on people for everything. While my mom was working before, she would prefer to not have enough money for rent and give money to her sister.
This caused my sister to pay rent in full every month. My mother is homeless now because she did not think my sister was moving out. My sister would get home from work and my mother would wait on her to apply for jobs for her.
My mother knows how to use technology, she even knows how to make TikTok videos. Not even me. She has been traveling all over the US crashing into people’s homes. Instead of looking for jobs, she prefers to stay in bed all day. She once mentioned to me that my life is easier because I have a husband and she’s single.
I then told her that she’d been with a married man for years and it was her fault. I have been sending her money every month to help with her bills. Unfortunately, it’s been over a year and I see no change. I am in a tough situation because I care about her, but I also do not want to live with her.
I do not want to cause issues in my current peaceful life by having to bring her in. Many years of my life were spent thinking of the day I was able to leave that home away from her.
Am I the jerk for not letting her live with me?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop sending her money and do not let her move in. She is dysfunctional. Her attitude sucks. Why are you paying for her to sit in bed all day? The money is better used on your own family and child. You have been raised to be used to this.
It is not normal. NTJ for not letting her leech off you any more than she already does by moving her in.” Individual_Metal_983
Another User Comments:
“Not and stop giving her money. That only hurts you and further enables her self-destructive behavior. You need to let this go.
She’s a grown woman, capable of supporting herself, and instead, chooses not to. That’s not on you. That’s on her and your only priority now is your own family. Let it go and for goodness sake do NOT let her live with you.” Legal-Lingonberry577
11. AITJ For Suggesting We Take Separate Cars On Our First Date?
“I matched with a girl on Hinge and we’ve been chatting for a couple of weeks, nice girl, plenty of chat back and forward.
We arranged to go mini-golfing this evening (I know, standard first-date behavior). She sent me a voice note earlier today asking if we were meeting at the venue or traveling together as we live relatively close to one another.
I suggested that as it’s a first date and for our collective peace of mind we take separate cars. Cue a message from her saying that I’d freaked her out and it gave red flags that I wanted to travel separately and she has been very stand-offish since.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Lol, she thinks YOU gave red flags?! Traveling separately for a first date is standard procedure always. There are some exceptions, like your car won’t start so you tell your date you’re walking to the bar 5 miles from your apartment that was agreed upon and you might be a couple minutes late.
Then she says that’s dumb and it’s raining, I’ll pick you up. Except you’ve already started walking so she has to pick you up under a streetlight on the side of the road. Exceptions like that aside, separate cars are standard. Has she given an actual reason why she considers that a red flag?
For instance, does she just really hate inefficiency? NTJ” cppcrusader
10. AITJ For Planning To Move Away From My Family Due To Their Treatment Of My Depression?
“I’m 22 years old and I recently got into an argument with my family they told me that because I was struggling with depression I was selfish as depression is all about me and how I feel.
I stated that my depression stems from home and that I was going to leave and my dad threatened to call the police on me if I left the house again. The last time I left the house he did call the police on me and the police told me that I was free to go.
They get angry anytime I talk about moving and tell me I’m mentally ill and unhinged. WIBTJ if I move across the country to another state and never talk to them again?
I think cutting them off I WBTA but the way they treat me sometimes makes me want to cut them out of my life.
AITJ for planning to move and not telling them about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like they are using your mental health issues to manipulate you and control you. In the end, it is more important to look at people’s actions towards you, even if they are a blood relative.
You would be justified in having no contact with them. Once you are in a safe situation, you can then decide whether to try and set firm boundaries with them for future contact or just go no contact.” freddit32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you wouldn’t be one for leaving, either.
You’re a grown adult at 22 and if you can move out of an environment that depresses you/ stresses you out, you should. The police are correct: at 22, you’re free to leave whenever you want. And from the way you describe your home environment, you definitely *should* leave.” Will0JP
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Move Into My Small Apartment?
“My partner of 11 months (let’s call her Anna) recently told me that she wants to move out. Her parents are mentally abusive and just very hard to live with in general, so I completely understand her situation.
A few weeks ago I signed a contract for my first apartment, so Anna suggested that she could just move in with me since she can’t afford to rent a place on her own. I told her that I don’t feel comfortable doing that, since the apartment is REALLY small (it’s 1 room + a bathroom).
She likes the idea of us never being separated and always being together, but I don’t want that. I truly love her, but I need alone time, where I can just lock myself in my room, isolated from society. That wouldn’t be possible in this apartment.
I explained all of this to her, but she got really mad about it, telling me that I was selfish for not helping her out of her family situation.
I explained that I didn’t want her to feel trapped in her parent’s home, but since we’re both 18 and haven’t been seeing each other for that long, I feel very unsure about all this and it’s just too fast for me.
Anna then told me to not call or text her until I understood why I was selfish and left. It’s been 5 days and she hasn’t replied to my calls or texts, but to be honest I haven’t changed my mind about the whole situation at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand her situation is bad, but 11 months may be a little fast to move in and you aren’t comfortable. There are other places to stay for her. You can shelter her some nights, but this may be a little fast and you will be stuck if she does.” Unpopular_Jagged
Another User Comments:
“You’ve done nothing wrong. You know what you want and what you need and you’ve communicated that clearly to Anna. She’s railing against your boundary (red flag 1) Attempting to move the relationship along quickly (red flag 2) Devaluating you by calling you selfish.
(Red flag 3) And is now stonewalling you. (Red flag 4) Her actions have been designed to pressurize, devalue, and cause pain and confusion. These are not the actions of someone who loves you. These are abusive traits. Be careful about what you do next OP. NTJ.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Confronting A Neighbor About Their Dog In Our Shared Pool?
“I live in a condo that is right next to the shared community pool. Went onto my patio to grill and saw a group out there I hadn’t seen around before throwing a tennis ball into the pool and letting their full-grown Lab hop in and retrieve it.
I thought it was gross and inconsiderate given it’s a shared pool for the community.
The owner sees me on my patio and says “Sorry” unprompted.
I told him I didn’t think it was cool and it escalated into an argument. He says he’s offended by my two young kids being in the pool (we were in earlier with them) because they pee in the pool.
They don’t, he’s just assuming they do.
Feeling bad about losing my cool with this guy.
AITJ or is it reasonable to be upset about a neighbor letting their dog hop in a shared community pool?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First off, that dog is off-leash, which is a pretty big no-no where I live.
Second, most places have strict rules regarding this, signs posted etcetera. If you aren’t sure, you can call your office and ask what the policy is. Suggest a sign if there already isn’t one. Here, the day before the outdoor pool is drained before fall, they have a doggy day.
I understand it’s dogs only and pretty well supervised, since again- off-leash. Loose dogs are an insurance nightmare for HOA boards.” Traveler691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows darn well he’s not supposed to have his dog in the pool. He said that about your kids to deflect from his bad behavior.
We used to have a German Shepherd who loved being in the water. We bought him a blow-up kiddie pool to lounge in (lol). Our apartment complex recently had the same thing happen. Some moron let their dog swim in the pool. Management had to close, clean, drain, and refill the pool.
Which was an inconvenience for all the residents and also hurt our pocketbooks since we pay for our water and shared water for the amenities.” LaLunaLady1960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – also if it’s anything but a saltwater pool it’s dangerous for his dog too.
I have a dog, he goes swimming in a pool designed for him that’s open to dogs. I don’t take him into a public pool. Chlorine does not go well with dog skin and fur.” previouslyonimgur
7. AITJ For Throwing Out My Sister's Ant-Infested Cookies?
“So my sister received a box of fancy cookies you buy at those boutique bakeries as a gift. I can’t recall what for exactly but I think they were a thank-you gift of sorts.
They were really tasty cookies I might add. Anyway, she wasn’t home one day and she left them on the kitchen bench, it was a warm day and I noticed they had attracted quite a lot of ants around the box. I opened the box and it was just filled with ants.
So naturally, in disgust, I threw out the whole box. When my sister got home, she noticed that the box was missing and she asked my parents where they were. When they told her I threw them out because it was infested with ants, she flew off the handle, came into my room, and started going off at me for it.
Her reasoning is that I should have called her to ask, or at least given her the heads up before she got home that I threw them out.
My argument was that it was infested with ants, so they needed to be thrown out either way, a phone call wouldn’t change that and her reaction was completely rude and unjustified.
On a side note, she went out to the bin and fished them out, claiming there were no ants on them, so apparently I’m a liar now too…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for throwing away ant-infested cookies. If I ate a cookie and my sibling came up to me after and said “btw there were bugs in that” I would be a lot more mad than not having that snack to begin with.” Agitated-Cap-1312
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I know they were covered in ants, and you were right to throw them out, but they are still your sister’s cookies. But your sister’s reaction was stupid. And, well, if she wants to eat ant-infested cookies, let her eat ant-infested cookies…?” chocolate_donkey_84
6. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Pay Full Price For Her Pizza Even Though I Ate The Leftovers?
“Two days ago, my three friends and I ordered pizza together.
I paid for everyone in advance to split the bill later, like we always do. One of my friends only ate 1/4 of her pizza and offered me to eat the leftovers the next day. I accepted and ate her leftovers because she didn’t want to finish it.
Now she doesn’t want to pay me the full price and gave me only half of the money. I am expecting her to pay the full price, regardless of who ate the food. One of my friends agrees that I shouldn’t have to pay for her food, and the other says I should be happy that I got half of the price, although I ate 3/4 of the pizza.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If the friend who ordered the pizza and offered you to have the leftovers expected not to pay for half of it, she should have communicated it, giving you the choice to weigh out your options. It was a condition she set in her mind and you shouldn’t be paying for her lack of communication.
EDIT: NTJ” RAK-marshall illy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a little petty to fight over a couple of bucks, but y’all agreed to pay for the pizza beforehand. If she didn’t want that much pizza, then she should’ve said something before you ate the day-old leftovers to say she shouldn’t pay the full amount.” joemama2222222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t approach it as if the other person is a jerk. Maybe they’re afraid of admitting they can’t afford a whole pizza and are ashamed to ask for handouts or feel left out if they can’t afford to eat out/takeout.
Not everyone is responsible for money either. Could you wrap up 1/4 of the pizza in foil or is it already gone? Could you suggest eating in next time this person is over to hang out?” emax4
5. AITJ For Cancelling My Brother's Bachelor Party Due To Lack Of Response And Support?
“My brother is getting married in less than 20 days. I’m his best woman and I’ve been planning his bachelor party for about 4 months. His groomsmen haven’t tried the slightest to help so I’ve been doing it alone this whole time. Every time I would give an update literally nobody would respond to me.
I even asked if they liked the plans and still no response.
So last week I gave the final itinerary of what’s planned. I told them I only needed $10 per person to make reservations for one of the events. Only one person sent it.
Again no response about anything. So I talked it over with my brother asking if I should cancel because we’re now 6 days out from the bachelor party and nobody has responded in a week. He said it was fine with him and he doesn’t know what’s wrong with his guys.
So I canceled. Now everyone is mad at me. So am I the jerk for canceling a bachelor party nobody seems to care about?
P.S- I am taking my brother out but it’s just going to be me and him”
Another User Comments:
“The bigger question is WHY are they upset after refusing to engage – could it be that the guys weren’t happy about a woman planning the bachelor party so they refused to cooperate simply to make it harder on you? But when you canceled the party and they realized they went too far and that their buddy, the groom, might get mad at them so now they’re trying to shift the blame on you?
NTJ but those dudes sure are.” JustWatchin2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m getting ‘women can’t plan a good bachelor party vibes from his friends. Or one friend expected to be the best man. Maybe I’m wrong. But as long as your brother liked/approved of the plans, they need to go along.
“I had no responses and only one $10 contribution for the party. Putting in an effort for my brother’s bachelor party was too much to ask. So I felt I should cancel the party. Enjoy your day.” Invite the one friend that contributed.” sugarlump858
4. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Partner's Family Over Their Attachment To His Ex?
“So I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years.
Children, dog, house, etc, and very happy together. His family though, are still obsessed with his ex. They have children together and she has one from a previous relationship. They still see that child and have them overnight but not my partner’s children! They all still talk, really friendly, even took a baby over to her house to meet them before we did!
I’m so fed up with them acting like they’re still together and I want to confront them about it, but AITJ? Oh, and they buy the other child birthday and Christmas presents but always forget my other daughter’s birthday!”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like I need a little more info here, and I’m not sure where to start.
1. How many kids total are involved here between you and the ex? Which ones are biologically your husband’s? Which ones are or are not allowed at their house? Have they said why? 2. How long was your husband with his ex? 3. Is your husband’s ex talking negatively about him or you to his parents?
Trying to get private information from his parents? Because here’s the thing – unless she is manipulating his parents into creating problems for you two, there’s no reason they can’t be friendly with her or spend time with her. If they are forgetting their other grandchildren’s birthdays etc – then that’s a separate conversation.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing. She’s the mother of their grandchildren. They can’t cut her out of their life. They need to stay friendly otherwise access to their grandchildren will be limited/stopped. So what you may see as an “obsession” is likely just familial civility for the sake of keeping peace within the family.” scrambledeggs2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but tread carefully. The relationship between your partner and her is over, but if his parents consider this lady a friend then they are entitled to still enjoy her company. Whatever his parents think, your partner chose you. She is not a threat to your relationship with him.
It is also much nicer for the kids involved if his parents get on with the ex. If you try to put her down, you may damage your relationship with them. Now, where I agree with you is that it would be nice if they made more of an effort with your daughter.
I would bring it up nicely saying that she feels left out (if she does), and maybe invite them to a family day out, spending quality time with them and letting the relationship evolve naturally.” Whatever-and-breathe
3. AITJ For Insisting On Meeting My Fiancé's Friends?
“I (22 M) and my fiancé (20 F) have been together for 2 years.
As we progressed in our relationship I started introducing her to friends and family. They all love her and I am ever so thankful for that. For the past 6 months, I’ve kinda started pushing to meet her friends because I don’t know anything about them besides what she tells me.
Every time I bring up the conversation it’s always the same answer “I’m trying” or “They’re really busy honey”. So I just let it slide but I feel like she doesn’t try. I’ve had the conversation multiple times and have been thinking about pushing harder for a while.
We’ve had our issues with people trying to interject in our relationship but we’ve worked through those parts.
My biggest issue is she says they don’t have time but they always have time to go get their nails done or drive around for 5 hours just listening to music.
I have talked to her about inviting them to our wedding but she says “ they don’t like weddings because of things that have happened to them” which I’m not going to deny because I don’t know them.
I have coworkers and friends who find it odd that I haven’t met her friends and it
eats away at me.
Am I the jerk if I push harder to meet her friends?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all I am not saying these things to be a jerk…. BUT Two things come to mind: She’s embarrassed by you and does not want to “show you off” to her friends.
OR She’s hiding something, something that would likely come out among a group of friends who know about it. Maybe something silly, maybe something not so silly.” gnothro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would expect her friends to want to meet you as much as you want to meet them.
And they all are busy and have “things” happen to them so they don’t like weddings? There is much more going on and it either has to do with someone being unfaithful or her friends disliking you for some reason, enough that they wouldn’t support marriage.
All I can say for certain is your partner is lying to you. Because as much as I dislike 99% of weddings, you would be hard-pressed to find an entire friend group of twenty-something-year-olds who have wedding trauma. That’s just bonkers.” Substantial_Home_257
Another User Comments:
“It’s honestly a red flag if she hasn’t introduced you to any of her friends 2 years in; you’re looking to start a life together but she won’t even show you any of hers. Whether that’s something catastrophic like others are saying, or lack of consideration, or something else I think you kinda need to say something and point to the fact you especially asked her 6 months ago and she hasn’t given you anything.
NTJ. Also just to say it: even if the friends don’t like weddings it’s WEIRD if she doesn’t invite any of them, even knowing they’d say no. It’s also kinda weird if all of her friends share the same trigger & that trigger is… The one biggest opportunity to meet her people.
It reads like a deflection in context.” QueenYeen.
2. AITJ For Blaming My Mom For Our Family's Breakup?
“My(18m) mother is friends with someone who made fun of my dad for his physical appearance. This friend of hers would call him ugly because of the birthmark on his face and my mother would laugh like it was the funniest thing she ever heard.
Always apologized to Dad afterward and Dad put up with it until one day he decided that enough was enough.
I was only 9. It was a mess. They shouted and argued and eventually divorced.
Yesterday was my birthday. She visited, along with my uncles, both of whom are her brothers.
At first, it was going okay. It was a little awkward since she had tried to reconcile with Dad over the years but he turned her down every time.
She remarked that if I helped talk to Dad he might have forgiven her and we might have been family again.
I asked, “Are you saying it’s my fault?”
She said, “Yeah, kind of your fault.”
That was when I told her that she chose to stay friends with someone who called dad ugly, saying to my mother ‘You’re basically a female Ted Cruz.’ One of my uncles, the younger one, tried not to laugh.
My other uncle didn’t think it was funny and said I didn’t have to go that far, saying I overreacted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! Your mom should have NEVER said it was your fault. You defended yourself, and I applaud you for that. Believe me, neither the bully friend nor you are the ones to blame.
You can’t know what was happening between those two; it is always a mix of situations and feelings. You should never doubt to defend yourself, even from your own family.” goldandchill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just the fact that her brother was trying not to laugh means it was a good burn.
My FiL used to tell my wife when she was a kid to try to get her mom to go back to him and it used to make her physically sick because it stressed her out so much. There’s no excuse for trying to get your kids to be a marital counselor.” blippityblue72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This hits home somehow. My father is a smoker and a heavy drinker. Even as early as I could remember, he already had these vices. When I became a nurse and my father started getting sick, my mother dared to say that if something bad happened to my father because of him being a smoker and heavy drinker, she’d always blame me because I’m in the medical field and so it’s my responsibility to help my father stop his vices.
Never mind that she was the wife, right? And she was the one financing his vices because my father didn’t work. I was around 20 years old when she said this, and the effect those words had on me was profound. I respect her as my mother, but I maintain low contact with her for this and so many other reasons.
You’re not at fault OP. It’s a major jerk move for your mother to say that the divorce was your fault.” threereese
1. AITJ For Lying To My Sober Friends To Drink Again, Ruining Our Friendship?
“I, 23F am a college student. A few years ago I realized I had a serious dependency issue and a drinking problem that went beyond typical college fun into an addiction that I nearly let ruin my college career, my family, and friendships, and nearly ended my life.
I’ve been trying to live sober for 2 years now.
I’ve had some short relapses but typically never more than a few idiotic hours followed by intense and immediate regret. My life is so much better since making this effort. But earlier this year I had a relapse that ruined my relationship with a whole friend group.
I became really good friends with these girls last year and we met up once a week or so to go dancing and it became a wonderful routine. I’d never had a group of friends I felt so supported and uplifted by no matter where we went together.
They only knew me sober. I’d never used around them, except before I’d realized my dependency on Adderall. At the start of last fall semester I OD’d on it during a severe 3-day bender/spiral, was hospitalized, and confided in them about it.
I was so embarrassed and ashamed. They were so understanding and supportive and said to come to them before something like that happens again. I was so grateful.
Here’s where I think I’m a jerk. I’d been sober since that fall, but at the end of spring, I felt that urge again to be normal and drink with friends.
Eventually came the moment I would say anything to do it.
I was going out with them and lied—I said I’d spoken to my therapist and had decided to do a trial run drinking again.
Of course, they were supportive and said they’d keep me safe.
Which was what I wanted. I felt safe with them, and the sick part of my brain wanted to use them to give myself an environment where I could drink.
That night went fine, but 2 weeks later, things went to crap.
We went out again, and I way overdid it.
I pounded vodka and got wasted. I was falling, nauseous, and got very touchy, so they got me in an Uber, gave me water, and took me home.
The next day I knew I’d messed up. Bad. I had sworn I’d thought things through, and they trusted me, only to realize I’d manipulated them.
I messaged all of them and apologized. Most of them said they were sorry for what I was going through and were upset and needed space. I haven’t heard from any of them since.
One of them said she was glad I knew what I did was wrong, but what I did was unacceptable and she could not be around me.
It hurt like heck, but I knew the only thing I could do for her at that point was to leave her and the rest of them alone.
I can’t reconcile that the girl who did that and I are the same person. I’m terrified to make new friendships in case I do this again.
If there’s a silver lining here, I guess I hit rock bottom and I’ve only gone up since—I just hate that it took hurting my friends to get there.
I know I’m a jerk, but I’ve only been told I either messed up irreparably or that I just had bad friends, but I don’t think I did.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For what you did, yeah that was a jerk move. The truth is you are still lying to yourself. You are an addict. You CAN NOT use it again. The lie you’re telling yourself is that if you get clean and know the error of your ways, it will be safe for you to occasionally drink or use again.
That’s flat-out wrong. You have to give it up permanently. Until the day comes that you understand that and are willing to do that, you will continue to relapse. The friends and lifestyle you need are friends who don’t use or drink and activities that don’t revolve around getting wasted or high.
This means that a friend group that has a habit of going to a weekend party and drinking is not the friend group for you. It’s not that there is anything wrong with them. It’s that their lifestyle is not compatible with you maintaining your sobriety.
Good luck.” Deep-Okra1461
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your behavior that night, and it’s clear you know it, so I’m a little confused about why you’re asking for judgment. I suppose there’s a chance that they may give you another chance, but what you did was manipulative and dishonest, so I’d be rather surprised if you got a second chance with these girls.
Are you in any kind of therapy or support group? I know you mentioned lying to a therapist, but it wasn’t clear to me whether you were seeing someone. It sounds like you might need some more sobriety support than you have.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First for lying, then for getting groped while wasted. How gross. Honestly, I wouldn’t be friends with you. I would never hang out with you, I wouldn’t hang out with anyone who hung out with you, and I wouldn’t go to events you were invited to.
That’s how bad I think you messed up. You probably ruined your friendships Your actions were completely unacceptable. You need a TON more therapy than what you are getting now. Your friends are not bad. You on the other hand…” blueeyedwolff
