People Are Exhausted Of Explaining Themselves In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About His Spending Habits?
“My husband M36 and I F35 are high school sweethearts. He works a difficult job that requires travel, is gone for one week, and returns for one. He’s the obvious breadwinner. I work a part-time job at a local cafe and pay for our groceries and fun dates sometimes.
My husband blows off steam by spending money. After paying bills and mortgage, he spends roughly 80% of what’s left over within the first week. It’s spent on fun things for himself such as games, and clothes, and he has a card collection.
It’s his money, and I’m not contesting that. He’s free to spend it however he wishes to spend it, however, we have home repairs and sometimes I have an unexpected expense I can’t always cover such as car troubles.
Groceries have been increasingly expensive as of late, and I find myself having trouble paying for our dates on top of my bills such as my car insurance and phone bill. Usually, for our date night, we go out to eat and then do a fun activity together.
We go on date nights when he’s back roughly twice a week. This has been our routine for years now.
Recently, we’ve had home repairs he’s neglected. I can’t afford to fix it, and this has always been his job.
We’ve always agreed on expenses and he knows that when things break down, he’s the one that pays to get it fixed. He’s told me that he’ll get it fixed for weeks now, and hasn’t.
A neighborhood kid accidentally broke our window recently as well playing baseball. My husband volunteered to pay for it instead of the kid’s parents, so this is another thing he agreed to pay for.
My husband got a promotion that he’s been working hard for recently.
I wanted to be happy for him, but I just couldn’t with the house repairs needing to be done. I told him congratulations, made him his favorite for dinner, and tried not to talk about it much after that.
He didn’t seem to notice immediately, but once the new paycheck came and he began talking about all the things he was going to buy, I got angry.
I told him that I didn’t care about his promotion since it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.
He was confused and asked me what I meant, and I pointed out how he hadn’t paid for things we needed as of late and how he’s been buying more expensive fun items instead. He told me to pay for it if I had such a problem, and I admit, I said very unkind things.
I said how our finances were his idea and that he wanted a stay-at-home wife, so I am one. I called him lazy, immature, and selfish during our argument. He called me a leech, gold digger, and manipulative for telling him what to do with his money.
I don’t care what he does with his money, I just want essentials that he said he’d take care of taken care of first. I slept in the guest room that night, and when he went to work for the week he didn’t text or call.
I reached out a few times, but I’m thinking that I’m wrong now. I’ll go back to school and finish my degree if that’s truly what he thinks of me, but I don’t think we can stay together if that’s the path we take because I can’t be with a person who thinks so low of me.
I’ve been with him since high school. I’ve been with him since before he had money and supported him while he earned it.
AITJ for saying that I didn’t care?”
20. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Police On My Brother-In-Law For Potentially Selling My Belongings?
“The gist of my post is that almost halfway through the year, I (39m) have threatened to call the cops on my brother-in-law because I suspect some of my belongings may have been sold. Those belongings have been in storage since October 2022.
In mid-2022 I was sharing a house with my sister (then pregnant with her second child) and her husband. She discovered her husband had been unfaithful to her with at least two women. Physically with a neighbor and at least emotionally with a woman online.
At the time, my pregnant sister moved out with baby #1 to live with our mother.
It was already the plan to sell the house, but this accelerated it. I started looking for a new place and pack. It was at this time I noticed her Switch gaming console.
I messaged her and asked if she took it with her. She said no.
Turned out her husband had gone behind her back and sold it to a used game store. His story changed twice when caught in the lie.
This Switch was a birthday gift from me to my sister a few years back.
It’s October 2022, I suffered from an embolism. Most of my large intestines have been removed and I have an ostomy bag. I was told my stuff was in storage.
I lost a lot of muscle mass in that time. So, I eventually upgraded to a nursing home in 2023 and continue to attend therapy as the hospital allows. I eventually applied to and got accepted into an income-based, handicapped-accessible apartment “back home.” Ultimately, I moved into my new apartment, in January 2024.
Now, sometime in 2023, my sister took her unfaithful X back. They were co-parenting so she was bound to see him a lot. For a time, the brother-in-law was living in the original apartment I was going to move into, which is why I knew it was not good.
Not that he asked for it, but he was watching my two cats. Both of whom died, I assume at the same time.
When I moved into my apartment, my sister and her husband were able to get a lot of my things from storage to my new apartment.
But it’s not everything. Unfortunately, as my things got packed up, my sister also packed her stuff up and a lot of it got stored together. Every time I’d ask if another family member could go to the unit, she said she needed to be there to say what was hers.
I am having enough mobility issues currently, being wheelchair-bound. I can’t just go to the storage unit and direct someone to pick through boxes I sadly did not pack.
My fear is, I have a lot of gaming and collectibles.
I have some back in my possession. But previously when I asked my sister said she couldn’t guarantee her husband hadn’t sold some of my belongings. Sadly, I’ve asked so much she’s now angrily said he hasn’t sold anything. But I argue, until I see for myself, I don’t know that.
His past actions prove otherwise.
When I mentioned getting the police involved, she got very upset. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… the death of your cats alone is very concerning. But to be honest, your sister is acting suspect here, too.
She’s the one who packed up your stuff. The fact that she has to babysit other family members at the storage unit is odd–if they’re family, they can just text her pictures of what they are taking if there are any questions about what belongs to who.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“So you have no idea if your brother-in-law sold anything or stole anything of yours. You have no idea what’s in storage or not. You have no idea because no one has seen it. You know of one incident that didn’t concern you between your sister and her husband and now you think that he did it to all your stuff and you have no proof.
So why are you calling the cops? No, no crime has been committed yet that you even know of. You’re just speculating that stuff of yours has gotten missing but you have no clue if it has or not. Somehow try to find someone to go to the storage unit with your sister and if you can go go.
I know it’s hard for you and go through it all at one time. You’re calling the cops just because you think something may have happened, but you have no proof. You don’t even know if anything’s missing things have just been missboxed. YTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do Chores For Six People While Working 80hr Weeks?
“I (24F) moved in with my parents after graduating 2 years ago. We have a household of 6 – Mom, Dad, Brother (21), Cousin (24M) & grandma. I have a stable job, and good savings & bought a condo to rent out last year for some extra income.
But the housing market is terrible, my tenant’s rent doesn’t cover the mortgage, and I’m currently sitting at a loss until I sell. In addition, I help out with costs around the house and had to give my parents $23k to help with their mortgage because even though we’re upper middle class, my dad was out of work for a few years due to personal reasons and they needed help.
Because of this, I can’t move out rn – doesn’t help that the Canadian economy sucks – in case anyone says “Why are you 24 and still living at home” it’s normal in my culture to live at home until you’re married or in a comfortable financial position.
Because of my financial situation, I’ve had to take on more contract work and I’ve been working 60-80hr weeks. Also, I spend about 2-3 hours commuting to work from Thurs-Fri, so I don’t have much downtime.
The time I have for myself I spent resting, working out, practicing hobbies, or seeing my friends/partner. On average I spend about 45 mins/per day working out, I see my partner once a week or every other week, and I try to hang out with one friend a week or every other week & the business I’m starting for brand design/graphics is me working on my hobbies so I try to give 1-2 hours a day.
Now, let’s get to my mother’s expectations of me. In my culture, the women are the ones who usually do the cooking and cleaning. My mum expects me to cook dinner for 6 of us at least every other day, clean the kitchen every night, clean the top floor of the house every weekend (vacuum/mop all the floors, clean my parent’s bedroom and deep clean their bathroom & clean the laundry room.
We have 4 bedrooms upstairs & 2 in the basement) the boys do the other floors and cook on the nights I and my mum don’t cook. I understand that I need to contribute to the household, but I’m made to feel selfish on the days I can’t help and I’m told “Are you the first person to have a job?” My dad provides financially for the household but because of recent events, I’ve been asked to help out with things now and then which I don’t mind, and using my cards when they need help.
The reason I’m living at home is to save money and I don’t feel like that’s the case anymore. On top of that, my mum expects me to accompany her to her social or family friend events at least once every other week and I barely have enough time for myself.
My mom said that if I was living alone I’d have to do all of the things she asks for, which is true, but I would be doing it for one person & on my own time. Not 6.
Please let me know if I’m the jerk because I think what I’m feeling is valid, but I don’t want to be ungrateful for the fact that I appreciate my parents letting me live at home.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone calling you the jerk is INSANE. YES if you live alone you will need to do chores-but those chores are for ONE and not for six. You’d have to cook a meal for one person and clean for one.
It’s nowhere near the same as doing tasks for 6 people and deep cleaning multiple rooms several times a week. ESPECIALLY since OP paid their parents 23k?? OP you’re not the jerk but your mom won’t back down on this. I know the economy sucks (just a few years ago, my sister and her kids had to move back in with my parents ((making our household nine people!)) But if it’s possible you really should look into roommates and move out.
Best of luck.” Lost_Understanding32
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but here’s the thing. Move your tenants out and move into your condo. Stop living at home. That way you will at least be putting your money toward your own space, you will not have these extra responsibilities, and you will have a life.
It doesn’t matter that culturally you’re expected to do these things. They aren’t working for you. You’ve given them money and I expect you won’t be seeing that returned to you. You are not responsible for caring for them.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. I see a lot of “in my culture this and that” going on, but whatever culture you’re talking about is something that doesn’t respect the life that you are building yourself. You own property, are employed, and if you weren’t paying your parents’ bills for them you could probably move out into your place, preferably somewhere closer to your work.
The culture you’re clinging to is outdated and doesn’t align with you being an independent working adult. It’s reasonable to contribute to the household (chores/bills/etc) when living at home with parents, but doing so should be on the understanding that EVERYBODY in the house contributes.
Maybe for you, because of your schedule, that means more financial contribution as rent, but even that should only be a portion of the total household mortgage, not a whole $23,000 just because daddy isn’t working. If you don’t get out soon, they will keep stretching you thin until you snap.
If they’re going to dig themselves into a hole and expect you to bail them out, it’s time to bail. I understand, it’s family and you want to love and care for them. But if you let them simply take advantage of you, you’re going to be using a teaspoon to bail water out of a sinking cruise liner.” neophenx
18. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend To Break Up With Her Partner?
“I (20F) and my best friend, Stacy (21F) have been friends since middle school. We met because we had mostly the same classes together, and our parents were close friends. When we went into the 11th grade, she met her now partner, Caleb (20M).
It started good, they became very close friends, and eventually, she started talking about him to me, complimenting his looks, telling me his eyes were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, that she loved the sound of his voice, that she just loved everything about him.
It wasn’t until we graduated high school and started applying for universities that she told me they had started seeing each other. We all eventually got into the same university, and she would always be with him, or try to at least. I didn’t notice anything out of the normal until one day my friend called me crying.
She was practically having an anxiety attack while telling me she was scared he was going to leave her for another girl. She then continued to tell me how she noticed he would constantly be touchy with other women, ignoring her just to go talk to them.
After she finished her breakdown I tried to give her some advice. I told her to talk to him and express her feelings, and that he would probably try to at least make more time for her, but she then continued to lash out at me and scream at me over the phone, telling me that there was nothing to talk about with him and that he wouldn’t change.
Throughout the weeks it would get worse, with her almost twice a week telling me and her other friends that she was going to break up with him and that she needed to be independent, but whenever we asked her if she did it she would say it wasn’t his fault other girls were flirting with him, and that he didn’t have time for her.
I tried to tell her that if she wanted the relationship to work out she had to talk to him about her feelings but again screamed at me, telling me I had no idea what I was talking about. Eventually, I got tired of her constantly venting to me and spewing all her problems to me, (yes I know, I probably sound like a jerk for that, but at the time I was dealing with the passing of my mom).
So, I told her that in my personal opinion, she should break up with him and that she deserves better, but she would go on to scream at me AGAIN, saying things like, ‘He loves me and cares about me’ (I never said he didn’t.) ‘There’s no one better than him’ and all that other nonsense, talking down to herself.
So feeling frustrated, I yelled at her, telling her she needed to learn to use her voice to express herself, stop being a pushover, to stop being walked all over like a doormat. She yelled at me and left my apartment, it’s been a few months since that happened, and she hasn’t brought it up again, or even talked to me much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were honest with your friend, & every time you were honest with her she violently rejected your advice. What does she want, someone, to unload her emotions on & say nothing as if you were a garbage can?
You have every right to refuse to take that role, especially as she’s adamant in remaining ignorant of any alternative to putting up with his philandering. Her partner seems to be taking her for granted, at best. As you describe her relationship with this guy, she is better off dumping him.
But she refuses to see that. Sheesh, she is willfully blind to that option. You can’t do anything for her, so why should you sit there & listen to her whine about her partner?” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you were pushed beyond your normal attempts to be supportive and kind because whenever you said anything it seems she screamed at you.
So at last, you broke and were honest but rude back. Your friend was lashing out in all directions because her emotions were going in all directions. I think since it’s been a while maybe she’s had time to settle down.
She hasn’t forgiven yet though (because she hasn’t reached out) but if you want to try reaching out you could send her a text or email. Say something like, “I’m sorry for what I said because I know you were/are hurting so much.
But I just didn’t know what to say to support you. I miss you and I want to be friends again if you would like that too. I just want you to know that I’m still here if you would like to meet or anything.” And then it’s up to her.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I suggest you not be a doormat for your friends to use as their emotional dumping ground. It sounds like that was what your friendship was for her, so she didn’t need to be friends with you when you stopped quietly letting her vent her nonsense to you.
It is sad to lose a friend you have had for a long time, but it is very common for friendships to change in early adulthood after everyone leaves high school. I hope you have lots of better friends.” CosmicChanges
17. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Forcing Me Out Of The Closet In Public?
“My mom forced me out of the closet multiple times when I was younger, yelling at me and telling me I couldn’t be gay because I hadn’t been seeing anyone.
She thought talking about this in the McDonald’s drive-thru in front of my brother was the best time and place to bring this up. I felt super uncomfortable and just lied about being straight because I didn’t want my brother to give me grief for it while we were at school.
My official “coming out” was her, my aunt, and my cousin interrogating me because I looked at rainbow merchandise in a store when I was around 16-17. They then tried to pick apart if I was “really gay”. She was then surprised I didn’t feel safe coming out to her and pretended she never yelled at me the last few times she forced me out of the closet.
Any time I brought up the past, she says they never happened or I’m remembering it incorrectly, or brought up what I told her in middle school. Eventually, I just stopped bringing it up because it became pointless.
These past few years, she’s been asking me to go to Pride or to strip clubs with her.
The thought of going to either of those with her makes me so uncomfortable. She brought it up again at the dinner and I said “No thanks, I’d rather not.” She kept pressing on about it and her coworker and her wife joined in.
Saying it would be fun and that maybe I’d find a partner there, there are tons of activities, etc.
I kept trying to explain I just didn’t feel comfortable, but they kept bringing up different alternative pride events and pressing on about it.
Eventually, I just got really angry and yelled at my mom; “You forced me out of the closet several times when I was younger and insisted I was straight, all because of something I told you when I was 13. I didn’t tell you I was gay because you had me cornered and scared. The thought of going to Pride with you makes me feel so anxious and gross that I’d rather die.
You haven’t apologized to me for the terrible things you told me, you don’t get to join me for the fun things to look good in front of your friends.”
Her coworker and her wife just gave my mom a “wtf” look, because mom would never tell them about something like that.
Dinner was cut short, we split the bills and they left. We got into an argument in the car on the way, and she said I needed to “stop making up stuff to make her sound like a bad mom”.
I told her she needed to own up to what she did to me. Things have been tense around our house lately, and I avoid her when she’s home, otherwise, it’s another argument.
I might be the jerk because I could’ve made up another excuse or waited till we got home before I said anything and embarrassed her.
Her coworker seems super uncomfortable around her and it might be affecting her social life at work. At the same time, I feel glad I confronted her about this in front of someone else who wasn’t from our family.
Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ her coworker seems uncomfortable around her because the coworker realized she had inadvertently been helping your mom continue the pattern of forcing you into situations you are not comfortable with. She’s just changed from doing so by insisting you’re straight, to trying to force you to perform for her.
The coworker likely feels gross for having contributed to that. Your mom sucks a lot, I hope you have some people in your life who respect you.” spaceace23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t believe that the way she is trying to support your identity is by bringing you to a *club*.
That’s something that would make anyone uncomfortable, and her repeated pressing makes your reaction seem mild in comparison. This is so weird all around, and if she didn’t want to talk about it, she shouldn’t have brought it up in front of her coworker so aggressively.
Happy Pride Month! Hope you got to do something you enjoyed.” honeystickfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! And you weren’t in the wrong either. My mom is just like that and it makes me angry A LOT. I sum it up like this: “You wanted me to hide my gayness and girly interests in a drawer when I was a kid?
Well, now you can’t look into that drawer”. Your mom should feel ashamed of her mistreatment, AND for blowing up your kind patience to the point of venting in public. She owes you a BIG apology for this uncomfortable moment, and another enormous one for what she did and denying it.
Do not feel any guilt, regret, or shame buddy. You just had a very human reaction.” Orion-2012
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Didn't Wait For Us After My Daughter Stepped On A Thorn?
“My mother-in-law is visiting from interstate, today we drove over an hour to a nice spot for lunch in a beach town.
After lunch we went for a walk along the beach and along the path on the foreshore the group was my husband, mother-in-law, me, and 2 children, a daughter 13, and a son 11, along with another relative.
Along the way, we stopped a few times to look at the surroundings, and also while my mother-in-law sat to get some sand out of her shoes (she sat on a bench, which I noticed and asked everyone to wait).
Halfway back to the car, I was walking at the back of the group with my daughter when she stood on something sharp (she did not have shoes on). I stopped with her and she sat on the pathway to inspect her foot and everyone else just kept walking, (they were only a couple of feet in front of us when it happened).
She had a thorn in the bottom of her foot, she pulled it out and it was bleeding. I put pressure on it and it stopped bleeding within a few minutes. I helped her up and everyone else was nowhere to be seen, they had continued walking without us, and no one came back to check, tried to call, or showed any concern.
My son wanted to come back but my husband said no as they could no longer see us and he didn’t want him on his own (which I would not either, I did expect my husband to check on us though).
When we got back to the car park they were standing there chatting and did not even acknowledge us. I stood there silently as I was so cross and did not want to say something I could not take back.
My daughter went up to my husband and said Mum is upset with you. He turned to look at me and I said “Thanks for leaving us for dead – daughter (said her name) stood on a thorn, luckily it was not something more serious as no one cared to even check on us”.
My husband said I am sure you could have called if you needed anything and I would have had to go back, and then my mother-in-law started saying we didn’t know anything had happened and scoffed that I was so annoyed. I then said it was a basic consideration to wait for someone if they dropped behind and that maybe they should have checked we were okay instead of making assumptions.
This just happened about 3 hours ago and I have barely said a word to them unless directly spoken to, I am sitting in the study and do not want to be in the same room with them at the moment.
They did not even say sorry, just making up excuses and acting like I was the problem. So am I the problem am I the jerk?
I may be the jerk as I have been short with my husband and mother-in-law since it happened”
Another User Comments:
“Have you ever heard of the phrase “Making a mountain out of a molehill”? That is what you are doing. You are an adult and were with your daughter. I am going to assume you had a mobile phone on you as well.
This means you weren’t really out of contact with them. If an emergency had occurred, you could have called them. Why was your daughter not wearing shoes? Even at a beach, that is kind of foolish. You are being, and I loathe to put it this way, oversensitive.
You need to apologize to your husband and your mother-in-law for your behavior. You also need to take a deep breath and realize that it wasn’t as big a deal as you thought it was. The fact that you are considering that you are the jerk means that at some level you recognize this.
Sorry to say it, but in this case, you’re the jerk” AwaySecret6609
Another User Comments:
“Eh, you’re the jerk. You’re making this into an issue it isn’t. You were all going back to the car. You knew where the car was.
You lagged because you were helping with the daughter – it wasn’t serious as you didn’t call out “Wait for us” or even “I need help here”. As you all knew where the car was and no emergency required everyone’s presence, the rest of the family decided to wait at the car.
It’s not like they drove off without you. They didn’t abandon you. They knew you were behind and you knew where they were.” katbelleinthedark
15. AITJ For Redecorating My Partner's Family Ranch House Without Asking His Mother?
“I live with my partner of nearly 5 years in his family’s old ranch home.
We have livestock, and we both work. I work from home and am the day-to-day ranch manager. I’m also the one who takes care of the house mostly. I’ve been living here since spring 2022.
This house is about 100 years old and the ranch has been in my partner’s family for several generations.
When I first moved in his mother (who grew up in the house) was living here. For health reasons, she had to move out and go live with her husband about a year and a half ago. They don’t get along, and she wishes she were still living here.
She and her husband visit every weekend for lunch and spend about 6 hours. She still has a bedroom here but hardly ever stays over.
I’ve always really struggled with the way the house was decorated and organized. It was filled with knick-knacks and hobby lobby farm charm art.
It felt crowded and tacky to me. It was also super hard to keep clean. Since my mom moved out, I’ve been slowly “de-decorating.” At first, it was just to help me keep it clean more easily. There is a huge housefly problem here and anything fabric or with nooks and crannies just gets so dirty, covered in fly poop and their little dead bodies.
But then I started to like how it looked– and how I felt– when there was less clutter. So I kept going. Regarding the organization, it’s a small house and all the most accessible spaces were filled with staged knick-knacks.
Then you’re not left with anywhere to put the things you use… I reorganized so that these spaces are for what we use most often. I’ve also been replacing the soulless Hobby Lobby art with family photos. I got some of her old photos restored, colorized, and framed. I’d like to also get some nice photos that were taken here blown up.
The final thing I did was install a dishwasher.
I never did ask permission for these changes (except the dishwasher). Partly because she had moved out and had said (several times), “Well, you guys live here now.” Anything that was removed was carefully packed up and put into a storage shed to keep it safe.
And I haven’t made any permanent changes (except the dishwasher). I also didn’t ask because I just wanted to get things done and, honestly, I didn’t want her input. These are all things that help us be more comfortable and take care of the ranch and home more efficiently.
She doesn’t understand our needs, and we just have different tastes.
Recently, I think I crossed some sort of threshold. I removed this giant photo/ print of water pitchers that was propped up on the hutch. It overpowered the room, and so it was pretty apparent that it was gone.
Now she’s very anxious about all this stuff and texting my partner to ask where I put random things and what I’ve changed. In many ways, she still regards this as her house. For example, she likes to read farm decor magazines and will sometimes show up with decorations or a new idea for a project (that she wants us to do).
I feel like we’re living in her doll house.
I’m working my tail off trying to do my full-time job and run this place day-to-day. I would love to just feel comfy in the house. I’m a person who’s sensitive to my surroundings, and I need a place to live that supports me.
I don’t want the emotional or mental work of asking permission and consulting on this sort of stuff. I think there will be a big talk this weekend. I am happy to tell her my plans, which are mostly more storage in the mudroom, improvement to my little office space, and cool animal photos in the living room.
But I won’t be asking permission. Even though these are relatively small things, I fear she will say “no” just out of a panicky need to assert herself.
Have I been the jerk? AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Helping My Ex Financially After His Dad Died?
“I (F18) was treated horribly throughout the entire relationship with my ex-partner (M19) and was essentially manipulated into providing funding for his life even though we were long distance, and now he owes me around 4 thousand dollars I know I’m never going to see.
This man and I have had no contact because he was destroying my mental health, and I’ve been thriving without him so much more. He would barely even let me leave the house when we were together even though he lives 6 hours away.
He still makes frequent attempts to contact me, and for a while, I stupidly would answer for conversation.
Yesterday while I was at work I received a call from him, but I was working and it was busy so I just let it go to voicemail.
I then get a bunch of texts begging me to call him because it’s an emergency, and I tell him to text me what’s wrong as I’m not going to answer my phone unless it’s a dire situation.
He refuses but texts me asking if I can leave work early, and becomes furious when I say no.
He proceeded to ask for money, and once again got mad when I said I was not helping him with money until I saw at least some of the money he owed me.
For context, I had agreed to let him only pay me back $400 as it covered my college deposit and he refused after promising me he would all because I had referred to the man my best friend had been seeing as her partner when they hadn’t made it official and that made me a liar.
I wish I was joking about that whole thing.
He ends up calling me after I get off work, and at this point, I’m with my best friend. He proceeds to start insulting me and calling me names all because I’m hanging out with her, and he thinks that all she and I do is sleep around with guys.
I blocked him and turned off no-caller ID calls because I wanted to have a nice day.
I checked my voicemail when I returned home and learned the emergency was that his dad died. I was a bit of a jerk and left him a voicemail back letting him know I did not want to talk, I would not be helping him financially, that he should consider free counseling instead of blowing up his ex he supposedly hates, and that frankly, the events were karma because last time he tried making me feel this small and worthless he had to give up his cat.
I know I’m probably in the wrong for saying that.
He left a voicemail today cussing me out and saying he needed 50 dollars to help his younger sister (F17) who lived with their dad. At the end of the voicemail, he revealed that pretty much 50 wasn’t for her but for him to buy smokes and have “just in case money”
I left one back explaining again that I wouldn’t help him and now he’s calling me a jerk because his dad died and I won’t help.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why are you answering his calls? Why isn’t he blocked from all sources, calls, texts?
Any social media. Is there a reason why you just don’t break it completely off of him? Say no and then block him on everything. He shouldn’t be able to contact you, leave a message, or do anything. Why are you allowing yourself to still be in contact with this guy?
You will never see the money. So chalk It up as an expensive lesson and move on. Block him block him block him NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There ought to be plenty of places he can turn to for help in the case of the sudden death of a parent: friends, family, churches, charities, and many places even have public safety net programs to help out in a case like this.
The audacity to turn to an ex he already owes a significant amount of money to is astounding. Block and ignore. Given how many other places he *should* be able to turn to, I am skeptical of his story and think there may be more to it.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why are you allowing him to do this to you? He should be blocked everywhere. And you never should have replied to him. You should’ve just ignored him. Sadly, his dad passed, but this guy is a huge jerk.
He’s abusive, selfish, rude, I could go on. He does not deserve your empathy. You need to be done with him or he is just going to continue to verbally mistreat you.” NOTTHATKAREN1
13. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Stop Sleeping On The Couch And Use His Room Instead?
“I bought a house about a year and a half ago, and I had 4 of my very good friends move in with me (everybody rents their room, everywhere else is common space.) All 4 of us have known each other since high school, and everybody, in general, gets along pretty well, all of us are guys in our early 30s or late 20s, and everybody has their rent set up as cheap as I could afford to let it be (between 5-670 a month depending on room size)
The issue: My buddy (who we will call Ralph for the sake of privacy) is not doing well.
Before I start ripping, I want to make it extremely clear that I am on Team Ralph – the guy is family and when he is in a good state of mind he is a delight to be around.
We have supported each other through the good times and bad times, I genuinely want the man to succeed, live a good life, and show the world what he is capable of: This guy has so much charisma he could sell a telescope to a blind person.
Lately, Ralph has been taking to sleeping on the couch and not in his room – which would not be a problem if it was once in a while but it’s becoming like 3 days a week, and would be more if I hadn’t called him out on it.
He is also constantly watching TV, if he isn’t at work, he’s on the couch, and he only works about 25-30 hours a week. Ralph claims he sleeps better on the couch as it lets his back be propped up.
The problem is the couch is in the living room upstairs that is open to the kitchen, and this means not just me but anybody who wants to use the kitchen late at night or early morning has to sneak past a sleeping half-dressed dude on the couch.
For additional elaboration, Ralph also did this at his old apartment to the point where he never went into his room and forced his roommates (who currently live with me) to have to navigate around him anytime they wanted to use the kitchen, dryer or god forbid to use the living room because he was either sleeping on the couch or hogging the TV that his computer is hooked up to.
I am not okay with the above situation being repeated in my house – I don’t want to have to feel like I have to sneak around anybody to use the kitchen, I couldn’t care less about the TV, but I do like to occasionally read a book on the couch, or just sit and chill, and feel like the other guys in the house should be able to feel free to do the same.
My plan is basically to have him help me pick out a way to kit out his room to allow him to sleep more comfortably, whether it be adding bolster pillows on his wall, a cradle, sling, whatever – I don’t care what it takes, I will pay for it if it gets him off the couch!
All joking aside, if it doesn’t work out getting his room set up to allow him to sleep more comfortably, I will be asking him to leave/evict him. Ralph has rented a room from me, the living room is defined in the lease as communal space that neither he nor anyone else has the option of renting, and if he chooses not to sleep in his room then I do not feel like he should have the living room or any room in the house as an option for a full-time sleeping quarters.
Kicking him out is an absolute last resort due to him not having the funds to go anywhere else than back with his parents, which would be probably worse for his mental health than being homeless.
AITJ here?”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Fix The Printer For My Sister's Use?
“We have an old printer that’s been printing weirdly.
Changing the ink solves the issue sometimes, but not always. My dad changed the ink for it and left for work telling my sister (16) to try printing a couple of pages to see if it works well.
Before my sis came downstairs, my mom kept calling her to come down to try printing.
I told my sis to go because mom’s calling her, but she didn’t budge even after hearing my mom call 3+ times until my little brother came upstairs. He tells her “I told you mom said for you to come down”, to which she replies “I didn’t hear you”, her go-to excuse.
She hears, and I even tell her too, but she doesn’t go until my mom gets angry.
Anyway, she printed the papers to test the printer and it didn’t work well. When my dad came home from work, he asked me about the other printer we had (no one ever used it) and what it was missing.
I told him I didn’t know, he was the one who bought it. He tells me to see if it needs ink and if so, I need to add some.
I tell him I don’t know anything about that printer, and then he tells me “There isn’t such a thing as something you don’t know, use YouTube”, then he leaves.
I started to get frustrated because it was not my responsibility to print my sister’s papers. I’m trying to make things for my small business, so I just walk away from the stairs and tell him again — I don’t know.
When I go downstairs to help prep for lunch, Mom tells me that we need to try printing more with the old printer. I then respond and say “ok, tell her to try”. By “her” I’m referring to my 16yo sis.
My mom tells me to not talk back to her and I tell her that my sis should just test at the library because they have a better printer and she’s actually in a testing environment. My mom then scolded me telling me I wouldn’t reply like that if it was my dad and then I told her I did reply like “that” to him earlier.
When we sit down to eat lunch, my two sis (16 and 14) both “team up” on me, something they do, and tell me I need to be less selfish and not talk back to Mom. I then tell my 16-year-old sis, the one that needs her papers printed, that she’s printed many for herself —way more than me — and it’s her responsibility to print her stuff because I have my responsibilities.
She then calls me selfish, so I tell her that she’s the one being selfish/lazy because she wants other people to do things for her. I then brought up an example of when she left her jacket on the ground for a while and didn’t hang her jacket on the hanger.
And when I told her to hang it, she called me lazy for not hanging HER jacket. Again, I tell her it’s not my responsibility and she doesn’t seem to understand that. My other sis (14) keeps unnecessarily interrupting me while I’m trying to say this and keeps telling me to stop talking when I’m trying to communicate.
AITJ as the title suggests?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister needs to use the printer, you are not a printer technician, you have no knowledge or abilities to offer this situation that your sister cannot procure herself. I would just stay out of the situation altogether.
No need to relay messages to your sister from your Mom- if your sister wants to ignore your mother, just ignore that. No need to argue about the situation with your parents, it won’t go anywhere. Offering solutions to your sister won’t go over well, but it’s none of your business so why even bother?
She’ll figure it out, or she won’t, and it’s no skin off your back.” StellarPhenom420
11. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Long Distance Partner After She Became Violent?
“I (20m) have been seeing my long-distance partner (22f) for nine months now. We met on an app and hit it off very quickly. She is from another country and we decided that we would meet each other in real life near the summertime when college is slower for her and she will have more time.
I was excited to meet her, I was madly in love with her and when I saw her in real life for the first time in the airport I fell in love with her all over again. Everything was great for the first few days of being with her.
But we disagreed about something I thought was small and she blew up on me. She screamed, nearly broke a wine bottle.
I started rethinking so many things about our relationship. I stayed up one night during my stay just contemplating everything and I was so shocked. It was like something in my head clicked off in that moment and every red flag that I ignored for nine months came rushing back to my memory.
I wrote down a very long list of things that she did regularly that I didn’t agree with but somehow overlooked because I was worried for her safety. And I mean it was a long list of things. The reason I overlooked these things and did not communicate with her was because I was afraid she would hurt herself as she has done in the past.
The rest of my visit I suffered in silence as I contemplated my future with this girl over and over again. While I was suffering in silence, she was having a blast. It was like we were together but I wasn’t being seen.
Maybe I was very good at hiding how I truly felt. I’m not sure.
Fast forward to my last day there on my visit, she found the list of my frustrations and she flipped out on me. She started screaming at me and crying for over half an hour.
And what really shocked me was that she even physically assaulted me. She hit me, bit me, pulled my hair, shook me, and blocked my movements so I couldn’t move to where I wanted to be. I never saw this side of her before.
In that moment, I made my mind up, I needed to be done with her.
Then afterward, she cried softly and we talked about things and she admitted her wrongdoing. She said she wanted to change and be better. I still loved her… I still love her as I am writing this post. And she was able to convince me to stay with her.
As I got on the plane and traveled back home, it was almost like she had become a different person. She changed back into the woman I fell in love with. She became perfect again and she could do no wrong.
But just a day ago she did those things…
I thought to myself, she wants to change… And I want her to change. But can she really change? She changed personalities like flipping a switch. What if she changes and I think she is better but she is just pretending?
I lost trust in her and I told her over video call that we were over. It went as well as you can imagine. She cried so much and begged me to give her another chance and to stay. Her words made me feel so guilty for leaving her.
I am literally heartbroken right now.
I know I made the right choice for my future but I feel like a total jerk. I have had girls break things off with me… But this was the first time I ever broke things off with a girl.
And it hurts so much worse. I feel like a terrible person because I put myself first. I feel selfish. I left her at a very low point in her life and I still love her.”
10. AITJ For Wanting One Parent To Stay For My Entire Graduation Ceremony?
“I (17F) and my sister (15F) are graduating in a couple of weeks, I’m finishing high school and my sister is finishing secondary school, and it just so happens to be on the same day.
My sister has never had a graduation before, since her primary school one was done through a video call, and I had both my primary school (which honestly I don’t remember at all) and secondary school graduations done as normal. Furthermore, we have studied in different schools due to me hoping schools to escape bullying, and the school where I had my secondary graduation just happened to give a much bigger emphasis and celebration to these events than my sister did.
This school year has been tough for me, as I started off failing four due to my mental health, but have improved with the help of school counseling and my psychologist. I still have to face the college entry exams, and tie up a few loose ends regarding a couple of classes I’m still failing, but I’m essentially all done for moving out of college for good.
So this is kind of a big deal for me since I kind of never expected to make it to this day.
The arrangement was going to be that one parent would go to each graduation, but a delay has occurred on my sister’s part and it will be celebrated later.
So my parents are suggesting both going to the start of my graduation and as soon as I get my diploma, running off to my sister’s.
This sounds like the option that makes the most sense, but it’s bugging me out a bit.
I’m worried they might not even get to see me graduate since my high school is way bigger than my sister’s school, so my ceremony will be much longer. Furthermore, we also have other activities such as us doing little dances, speeches, and such.
But there are about six classes, and we are more than 100 students, so it’s possible that, by the time they have to head off to my sister’s, I might not even have my diploma.
I’m also kind of worried about what will happen after the ceremony because it’s a big thing and everyone will be just kissing and hugging their parents and I’ll be kind of just standing there.
And honestly, I think that would feel kind of bad.
Would I be the jerk if just one of my parents came, but stayed for the whole thing? I don’t want my sister to not have her parents on her graduation, but I kind of feel like mine is a bit more important, because I will be leaving home after all in a couple of months.
I feel disgusting for thinking this way but it just… I mean I’m leaving! I want to celebrate with my parents too. I’m ok with one of them missing it, but to finish the whole thing and being all alone… I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. First off CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Please give grace that your parents are just trying to maximize joy. They’d rather have the memory of their daughters walking across the stage than just hear it from others/see it on video.”I’m also kind of worried about what will happen after the ceremony because it’s a big thing and everyone will be just kissing and hugging their parents and I’ll be kind of just standing there.” And honestly, I think that would feel kind of bad.
If one/more is not able to be there what will happen is you will hug and take pictures with your friends and when you get home your parents will have you take more pictures than anyone will ever look at of their kiddos in cap and gown.
This is a wonderful problem to have, there may be no perfect solution but from what you’ve said it seems your folks are most interested in maximizing the moment for you both which is the most not jerk thing, and frankly only thing, a parent can do.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“Given what you’ve said about the risk of ending up lonely at the end, which would likely ruin the day for you, it’s reasonable for you to want to have one parent commit to being there till the end, especially since you’re fortunate enough to have two parents and the other one can commit to being there for your sister from the beginning. That said, you should be treating your sister as a player, not a piece.
Talk to her first, and try to get her on board. See whether there’s something you can do for her as part of this. For example, if she has enough tickets to her graduation, you should promise that as soon as yours is over, you and the parent who’s attending yours will rush over to hers.” philautos
Another User Comments:
“Sit down and talk with your sister and ask your parents to do what feels like it has the greatest chance for success and least hard feelings, with the caveat that neither gets any parents. Maybe rushing will work, face timing, do what’s going to make it the best day for each of you.” TequilasLime.
9. AITJ For Setting Firm Boundaries With My Husband About His Autistic Child From A Previous Relationship?
“Let me start by saying my husband is a not very good father to our 2-year-old.
He runs off to his friend’s house every chance he gets and has no patience when it comes to caring for her. He yells at her for any little thing and complains when he has to spend more than a few hours with her.
He’s your typical blue-collar ignorant guy who thinks his job as a husband and father starts and stops with working 10-hour days to support his family. I was love-bombed by him and I’m pretty unhappily married but I’m stuck for the time being.
When we first started seeing each other he did tell me that his ex had a kid that may or may not be his. He saw this girl, they went on a break, then she came back and said she was pregnant but wasn’t 100 percent sure if it was his.
He took her back anyway and raised this kid for 2 years then they broke up and he exited the picture when she got serious with her now husband. So he says.
She reached out to him a few weeks ago and said that she’s getting divorced and her mom has cancer so she quit her job to care for her mother and now needs help from him financially and physically because said child is now 7 years old and is autistic, nonverbal, and not potty trained.
She sent a picture and this child looks like his twin so yes it’s his. I also just learned his name is on the birth certificate so he’s for sure on the hook financially. I told him that he needs to talk with her and figure out child support outside of court so we don’t get stuck paying the $800 a month that the state recommends.
I also told him to think long and hard about how much responsibility he is going to have as a parent to a special needs child. I told him that I was not going to be stuck watching our toddler and an autistic 7-year-old for him while he ran off to his friend’s house every weekend.
I said that he would be the sole party responsible for this child I made it clear that I was not going to do any pick-ups/drop-offs or care for the child without him present. He rarely lifts a finger to help me with our kid so I am darn well not going to help with his other child.
I’m not saying I am going to treat this child poorly. I will welcome him with open arms in my home and feed him and care for him alongside my child so long as my husband remains at home and spends time with him.
I know my husband does not have the personality to deal with children let alone one with special needs so I’m trying to communicate my boundaries so that he doesn’t use me as a babysitter. He sees it as me not being supportive.
So tell me, am I being too firm with my boundaries? Do I sound like an evil stepmother?”
8. AITJ For Reporting My Negligent Neighbor And Her Pets To The Authorities?
“I’ve been having problems with my neighbors ever since I moved into my house over 2 years ago.
Things like arguing all night, loud music, the smell of substances seeping into my house, and volatile personalities. I’ve spoken to the neighbor about it on many occasions. We fell out over it about 15 months ago.
About me: I’m disabled and I keep myself to myself.
I’ve spoken to this neighbor multiple times about the smell of substances in my house which gives me a migraine- just to be a bit more mindful or smoke outside. The houses we live in are old terraced houses in England where the lofts are attached so all she’d have to do is close the bedroom door.
Onto the noise: currently, the neighbor lives with her 22-year-old daughter. When I first moved in, the daughter’s partner also lived there. There was arguing day and night, guttural screaming -the kind where you think someone has died. I called the police on several occasions but it sounded like someone was being harmed in the house.
Again, I’ve spoken to this neighbor about it multiple times and I get the same thing: “I don’t like it either, it keeps me awake all night too but I’m not arguing with my daughter”.
Onto the present day. The daughter and partner moved out, broke up, daughter’s back.
She screams on the phone all night and day, plays loud music, and smokes all day. They have 8 animals in a small 2-bed house. 7 cats and one dog. The dog doesn’t get let outside and she never takes him for a walk.
He gets yelled at if he moves or barks and sits in the daughter’s bedroom getting hotboxed. The cats are not cared for properly. There are so many in such a small house there’s constant territorial fighting, urinating, and defecating everywhere.
The cats spend most of their time outside trying to get into neighboring houses. I’ve had to stop letting them in as I have 2 cats of my own and they were coming in and marking everything. Another neighbor had to stop letting them in because of fleas.
They are left out in all weather, ice, snow, and rain, they don’t have regular health checkups or anything. I built two cat shelters in the back garden so that her cats would have somewhere to go in bad weather.
I’ve been unwell lately so I spoke to the neighbor again. Said I didn’t want to have to keep chasing her up on this. I don’t want to report her but I will if she doesn’t speak to the daughter to be more mindful.
Was told “tough, deal with it, report me if it makes you feel better” so I did. I reported her to the police, the local council, and her landlord. The police paid her a visit on Sunday. Tuesday she receives a call from her landlord giving her a choice to give up some of the animals or get evicted. Naturally, she came and verbally attacked me (I have it on camera)
I don’t think I’m AITJ for reporting her. But maybe for reporting the pets.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told them to deal with the issues or you’d report them, and they dared you to do it. You weren’t asking her to stop smoking, just to do it outside so it wouldn’t make you sick.
You tried really hard to be nice to the issues, and find an informal way to resolve them. It’s not your problem they ignored you and gave you no choice but to escalate the matter. Also? Don’t feel bad for reporting the animals, because it sounds like they’ll have far better quality of life anywhere else but with that family.” Scree_fox
7. AITJ For Refusing To Provide My MIL With More Updates About My Fiancé's Trauma Recovery?
“In March, he went through a completely unexpected and severely traumatic event.
He floundered a lot in the beginning trying to cope with what happened.
In the first few days/first week following, he was struggling to manage all the texts/calls/etc from family & friends- not because they were doing anything wrong, it was just a lot during a traumatic time.
He asked if I’d mind being his POC for the time- he didn’t want his loved ones to be wondering/worried but could not handle the extent of it. I was happy to do so.
As he came out of the initial trauma, he obviously began reaching out to people himself and spending more time with them.
His siblings live in our city but his parents live farther away so they haven’t seen him.
His mom however still calls me daily for updates and has been asking me about things that are really unnecessary and/or none of her business.
I know she’s extremely worried about him but they talk on a regular basis now.
For example, she asks me what chores he’s “been able to do” and gets upset when I say at this point he’s pretty much doing the same chores as before, and says I should be doing them for him since he’s recovering, etc. She’s asked me weird questions pertaining to our private life and how the trauma has impacted it, that she hopes I’m not expecting too much of him, etc. Multiple calls/texts per day and always an implication that I’m doing something wrong or pushing him to do too much too fast after a severe trauma.
Over the weekend he made me a beautiful birthday cake and I texted MIL a picture and raved about it and got an upset phone call the next day about how I shouldn’t be making him do things like that for me and how unfair I’m being toward him.
I spoke to her Sunday night and told her that for the time being I am no longer going to be taking calls, and am happy to answer texts that do not pertain to “updates” about my fiance, but I won’t currently be discussing our daily lives or his trauma with her.
She will have to contact him directly.
MIL is extremely upset with me and has been texting paragraph upon paragraph. She’s accusing me of isolating him from his family and of negatively impacting his trauma recovery. She has also heavily implied that I could have done something to prevent what happened to him.
She keeps posting and sharing very passive-aggressive social media posts about me and is telling me that she may withdraw her part of funding our wedding if I don’t reconsider (her and FIL had previously offered to fund the entire rehearsal dinner and a large Airbnb for the wedding party).
We’re not worried about that, but I’m frustrated with the way she is acting and her constantly contacting me and posting about how I’m the jerk. Her and I have always gotten along great with no issues and I understand that she’s devastated and stressed about what happened to her son.
Not sure how I could/should be handling this differently. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No one, except a doctor maybe, is entitled to info about a couple’s private life, **especially** a parent. Does future FIL know his wife wants info about how their joint son is living his life? Does fFIL know fMIL is trying financial blackmail to get control over your 2 lives? I think you & your SO need to figure out a way & fast to shut that fool down hard and fast. NTJ.” Right_Weather_8916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for stating your boundary. She seems to be doing a bit of an extinction burst now, or having a tantrum, which is not surprising. I would mute her and do what you said you’re going to do.
Do not reply to anything related to his trauma. When your bf is up for it, he needs to have a stern talk with his mom and set his own strong boundaries. For now, this is no longer your problem and you should drop the rope.
And for support, you put up with this longer than I would have so good job there. The minute she started blaming me or admonishing me I would have shut it all down.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom has dementia and her 5 brothers and sisters started doing this when she was first diagnosed, so I get it.
While that’s his mom and she’s completely justified in being worried about him, the prying questions you gave as examples are crossing a line. I would have another conversation with her about boundaries, explaining you understand her concern, and coming up with a better solution than her threatening to pull out of the wedding if you don’t comply with her demands.
Maybe he should have a conversation with her too, she may fully receive the message if it’s coming from you both.” Comfortable_Lake4226
6. AITJ For Asking My Adopted Brother To Share His Inheritance After I Shared Mine With Him?
“I (20F) have an adopted brother (29M), my parents always wanted kids but they struggled to conceive and at some point, they just gave up and decided to adopt. A few years later, they had me. We lived a very comfortable life as our parents were relatively well off.
All was fine and dandy until my brother went off to college and started asking questions about his biological family. This created a huge rift between him and my parents, they didn’t want to give up any information but he was insistent, they fought constantly, and eventually, they gave him an ultimatum of either give up on finding his bio parents or would write him off the will.
They fought and eventually, he decided that he wanted to find them above all else they gave him his bio mom’s contact and he went to NC with them ever since. I heard from him periodically and he would talk about his bio mom and their relationship while my resentment grew.
This was a terrible time for me, I was a sad kid and mad at both my parents and my brother. I couldn’t comprehend why my brother preferred meeting a woman who willingly gave him up over keeping the peace in our household.
I also resented my parents for making such a stupid ultimatum and breaking our family apart.
Anyway, my father passed away, and true to his word, my brother was not in the will. My brother despite having no contact all those years came to the funeral and patched things up with Mom.
Later, my brother asked me to split my inheritance with him because even if my dad hasn’t regarded him as a son for the past few years I should still regard him as a brother and share the inheritance.
I had planned to use the inheritance to finish up my degree debt-free, but I just got my family back together and didn’t want to create strife again, I figured it was a small price to pay to have the family reunited again.
For a while, it was all good within the family and we were happy until recently my brother’s bio mom passed away and she left everything to my brother, she wasn’t rich by any means but she did leave a substantial amount of money.
When I heard this news I approached my brother and suggested he split his inheritance with me as well, as I was struggling financially to put myself through school while he was paid fully by dad+ he got half the inheritance meant for me.
My brother got very mad at this suggestion and told me I have no ties to his biological mother and therefore no claim to her money and I’m greedy and entitled. We fought about this and Mom was on his side completely she told me that we share her and Dad but his biological parents are alone therefore I can’t demand he split his inheritance with me.
On one hand, I understand I’m not entitled to his money on the other I feel like he got an unfair advantage and should be willing to help me out.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry OP, but YTJ.
Bio-mom is not your mom – it doesn’t even sound like you guys have met. It’s not his fault he received inheritance from two sources and you only had one. He grew up not knowing his bio-family while you did.
If your mom wanted you to split the money with your brother, then you should have done it (because she acts as your dad’s proxy). You’ll be out of debt soon enough, but this inheritance from his bio-mom has nothing to do with you.” Clumsy_Statistician
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Asking for someone to do the same favor for you that you did for them is completely reasonable. Any good person who was in a position to return a favor without significant harm to themselves would do so.
That said, it’s obvious your brother doesn’t give a darn about you. Sadly, you had to pay so much to learn that lesson, but now you know. It should be clear in retrospect that he intentionally tricked you out of that money using your care for him as a weapon.” Neo_Demiurge
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You don’t get to have half of his inheritance but it would be the right thing to give you back the part that you gave him to keep the peace. Your parents screwed up royally over that.
Your brother has every right to want to know about his biological past. Whether you agree with it or not, you don’t know why his mom gave him up. It might have been out of desperation. You don’t get to judge.” goldenfingernails
5. AITJ For Setting A Curfew And Threatening To Kick Out My Inconsiderate Younger Sister?
“It’s very hard to explain my relationship with my younger sister in proper detail, but I will say that, while I love her dearly, Mia has always been a very inconsiderate person.
I have countless examples. She almost didn’t attend our cousin’s wedding last year because she didn’t want to walk to the venue (which was two blocks away from our mom’s place). We shared a bathroom when we were younger, and she’d insist on having the top drawers because she “didn’t want to crouch down”, but she was cool with me doing so.
She slept through my college graduation and didn’t apologize for it.
I’m bringing this up now because whenever I asked Mia why she kept forgetting to use her key, her excuse was that looking through her bag took too long and the keypad was quicker.
In her head, bothering other people is better than slightly inconveniencing herself.
After I established the curfew, Mia tried different ways to make me change my mind. She’d talk about not being able to cancel her tickets for Party X, or about the fun her friends had at Party Y.
She’d show me her “developing” LinkedIn profile, and tell me she had learned her lesson and would be more responsible.
At first, I didn’t want to have to kick her out (which many of you suggested), but I have limits.
A few days ago, I heard her complaining to her friends on the phone about her “mean sister” who wouldn’t let her do anything.
Later that day, I asked her which of our parents she planned on moving in with.
Cue more fighting.
I managed to tell her that I had no obligation to continue housing her (for free!) if she couldn’t respect my family. Mia could either move back in with our parents or continue living with me for the low price of respecting my infant son and stop complaining about it.
We did have a very productive conversation afterward. I managed to get a lot off my chest, as did my sister. Mia apologized for everything. She admitted she’d been selfish, and promised she’d make efforts to change and mature.
I’m a strong believer that people can change, which is why I’m not kicking her out right now.
But I made it very clear that Mia is on thin ice, and the next time she does anything like this will be the last time she ever sees the inside of my home.
The curfew will continue until the end of the semester, as originally planned. My father also agreed to pay for Mia to go back to therapy.
It helped her a lot when she was younger, so I’m hopeful about the future of this living situation.
I also want to thank those who suggested a white noise machine. My son is not a light sleeper, the keypad is just very loud and startles him awake, but my fiancé and I are still looking into getting one.
Anything that helps our baby sleep better is welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“The fact that she’d rather wake a sleeping infant than go through her purse is just… Selfish and lazy are too weak a descriptor for that. Also, the idea that you, not her, is keeping her from doing stuff… Mind-boggling! I’m really happy that she’s in therapy ’cause that stuff isn’t normal. Did your parents never allow her to suffer any consequences for her actions as you were growing up?
And/or is she incredibly stupid? ” Sufficient_Soil5651
Another User Comments:
“Not that this will stop your sister from being less selfish, but it might mitigate the key issue by helping her find her keys easier…. I was so sick of losing my keys in my purse that I bought a large jump ring and sewed it at the top corner of my purse, then hooked a mini carabiner clip through it.
Every time I went out, I hooked my keys through the carabiner and never had to go searching through my purse for them again.” Dreaming-
4. AITJ For Parking Behind My Son, Leading To My Husband Damaging Both Our Cars?
“I (47yoF) and my husband (46yoM) live with our two adult sons (22 & 19).
My husband and eldest son are office workers and get home after 5 pm. My youngest son and I (a plumber’s apprentice and teacher) tend to finish earlier, ~ 4 pm.
On Wednesday, I left work, went to the grocery store picked up some supplies then drove home to find my son had parked his truck in my covered parking spot.
At the top of our driveway. I parked behind him, unloaded the car, and went inside. I asked my son why he had parked in my spot and he replied that his boss had asked him to collect some machinery for a job the next day.
He reversed into my spot to hide the machinery from view to limit the risk of theft. I told him he would need to move my car before morning because I was blocking his exit. I then went into the kitchen, unloaded the groceries, cooked dinner, etc.
Come Thursday morning, I am getting ready for work and mentally preparing to take 64 nine-year-olds on an excursion (stressful!) and my husband bursts in announcing he has damaged both our cars. He was angry with himself (he said) BUT, followed up with the accusation that ‘this never would have happened if (I) hadn’t parked behind our son’.
Hubby and son had left the house at the same time this morning. My son, being 19, had forgotten to move my car, and he was subsequently running late for work. My husband got into his car and drove it to the end of our 2 car driveway.
He then exited his car, left the driver’s side door open, and reversed my car down the driveway to allow my son space to maneuver around it. However, as he had left his driver’s side door open when reversing my car, his door connected with my tail light, causing damage to both cars.
The worst part of this is that this very morning, we had discussed and decided to trade my car in and upgrade to a newer model because it was in pristine physical condition and had low miles for its age… So the whole experience was very frustrating and very avoidable.
Despite several discussions since this event, my husband is adamant that I should take on board some of the responsibility for the damage for parking too close to my son and blocking his exit. In his mind, had I parked at the bottom of the driveway, our son would have been able to get around my vehicle.
However, I firmly believe, I was entitled to park where I did to allow easy access to the house with a load of groceries and I spoke to my son immediately upon seeing him that evening and informed him that he would need to move my car before he left for work.
So, AITJ for parking behind my son and causing my husband to damage our two cars?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are responsible for your son’s choice of parking spots, his inability to follow simple directions, your husband’s choice to coddle a 19-year-old man, and his choice to leave his car door open, all from inside your classroom miles away.
Begone witch (ideally for a spa weekend) and give the villagers some space. Hopefully, once your husband has time to process his embarrassment he’ll realize his anger is misdirected and apologize for his outburst. If he refuses to apologize use your magical powers for good and turn him into a newt.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband made the errors here. He left the car door open. He damaged your car by hitting his car. This is all on him. Maybe a bit on your son too as he should have moved your car as you told him he would need to do that.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ! In this situation, it looks like you’re currently the scapegoat… I’m sure if you accept their accusations without issue they will gradually realize it is completely their responsibility…. or validly object and point out the fact they’re victimizing you for their benefit.
Up to you – either way, you’re NTJ! At the end of the day, a tail light replacement isn’t a life-saving expense, you can still fix it and swap your car out!!” misses_unicorn
3. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Distant Cousin Stay In My House?
“I’m 26 y/o & the only sibling who owns a house (UK). My 2 siblings live at home with/ my parents with no spare rooms.
An uncle & aunt from Australia are visiting my town & have a child who moved to Cambridge(UK) 6 months ago.
My A&A are staying at my grandparents & my cousin wants to visit. Cambridge is an hour away from us. I don’t speak to this cousin, apart from family gatherings, we don’t ‘keep in touch’, and aren’t close.
They’re nice enough but moved when they were young so we didn’t grow up together. I & my partner are calm, and don’t drink, whereas I think they’re more of a ‘wild child’
My grandparents told us my cousin is coming to town when their parents come for 1 night on the weekend.
They don’t have another room for them to stay in. My sibling said they could stay in my spare room, I passed it off as a joke but my sibling kept saying it so I firmly declined, and said no. I apologized for my snappy tone later & they were fine.
My grandparents have a blow-up bed for them. I have a 2-bed house, the spare room is basically for my cats as we have a cat litter unit, cat tower, etc though there’s a spare bed in the room. In complete honesty, the bed isn’t great.
It was a hand-me-down from another family member which isn’t in good condition, the cats have slept in it multiple times and the room is just a cat’s room! (The cats aren’t locked in, they have the whole house, garden, etc) The litter unit is also a proper unit to conceal smells so we can’t just move their litter outside the room if someone were to stay.
Also, quite frankly I don’t want them staying. I’m not close with them, I paid for my house for my own space, and I’ve not spoken to them about any of this, they didn’t even ‘ask’ anyone to come to stay somewhere, just assumed it would be ok & announced they’re coming.
I feel I shouldn’t have to just accommodate it. Another thing is we’re doing our flooring so the hall & living room are empty as we’ve boarded the floors, laid underlay & are midway through the flooring.
We work FT so only have weekends to do this & it takes time.
There’s nowhere to sit/relax as everything is everywhere, tools lying around, packs of flooring, etc. My cats are scared & don’t do well w/ new people. My cousin tends to overstay their welcome & doesn’t say please or thank you.
They were meant to stay at my parents for 1 night before but stayed for 4. Were meant to stay at my grandparents for 2 months & stayed for 4. They’re vegan & expected my family to buy/cook them food, which was vegan (& pricier).
Not once was there a please /thank you. They then didn’t keep in touch with/ my grandparents after all they’d done for them & I know this upset them & they aren’t looking forward to my cousin coming.
We like our own space & I don’t feel we must house my cousin after they last minute chose to come back to town.
They could train it home, pay for a hotel if it’s that important. My grandparents do have a blow-up bed. My sibling teased me about it saying I’m harsh & family should help the family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your house and what you say goes.
Your sibling is out of line for offering something that is not theirs. If it’s so important to them, a cousin can room with them. You’re not being uncaring or a bad family member for having boundaries and not making yourself uncomfortable in your own home.” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell the family you are mid-way through renovations and there is no way you can accommodate any guests. They can sleep in a tent in the garden, but that’s the best you can do. Oh, and the bathroom will be out of commission, so there will be no bathroom facilities during those days as that’s the only time the plumber can come and you’ve been waiting for them for months.” Is-this-rabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and not that you need an excuse but your home improvement project would be reason enough. One suggestion though, when saying no don’t mark it up to anything in particular. If you say, our only spare bed is in the cat’s room they might say “No problem, I love cats” If you offer an excuse, many people will find a way to brush off that excuse.
Just say no, sorry.” BurritoBowlw_guac
2. AITJ For Disliking My Partner's Mom's Cultural Dish?
“Both me and my partner have Caribbean ancestry. The main difference between us is that she embraces her heritage and I don’t.
Growing up my partner had a lot of Guyanese food that her mom would make and her mom would often give us a lot of the food she cooks. Something else I have to mention as well is that I have arfid.
My partner and her mom know this.
Anyways, on Saturday I cooked us 7 days worth of food and I was very proud of what I made. My partner’s mom came over on Sunday to spend Mother’s Day with us and she brought this dish she made.
Honestly looking at it I knew right away I wasn’t going to like it. It was okra submerged in what looked like a very thick viscous white soup. I didn’t ask what it was called but it’s something my partner has had a few times.
We sat down to dinner and I put out my food and my partner’s mom’s food. During dinner, my partner was trying to get me to try her mom’s food. Not wanting to be rude I told her I’d try it.
I put a spoonful in my mouth and it was probably one of the most foul things I had ever put in my mouth. I made sure to get as much okra as I could just so I could have something to chew but it didn’t help much.
My partner looked at her mom and said “he doesn’t like it” and I just said, “I just don’t think it’s for me”. My partner’s mom was cool about it and my partner told me that I should try it with the food I made.
I told her that I didn’t want to do it and her mom said I’d probably like it a bit more if I combined the food. Again to be nice I tried it with a spoonful of my food and hers and it was still the same.
Her mom said, “Well at least you tried”.
This morning as my partner was getting ready for work she told me that what I did last night was rude. I asked her what I did wrong. She told me that when a guest brings food to your house it is complimentary to eat their food and not your own.
I was also making faces (I didn’t know I was doing this) that made it look like I was in pain eating her mom’s food. Lastly, she told me I insulted her culture by doing that. I asked her what she expected me to do.
I tried it, didn’t like it, and got pressured into trying more. If I don’t like something I’m not going to like it. She then told me that my parents didn’t do me any favors by keeping me from my cultural food.
I got really mad that she did a dig at me and my parents like that and I told her to get out and I wouldn’t be talking to her for the rest of the day. I knew I was going to do some tit-for-tat but I know it’s not conducive to a healthy relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner was tough because she knew you did not like the food her mother made and yet she made you try in front of your mother – and then pointed out you didn’t like it.
Then she makes you try it again. And then she gets mad at you for not liking it. And then she gets mad at you the next day and insults your parents. I am not a picky eater – there are only a few things I will not eat and luckily they are not everyday foods.
However, I still get pressured sometimes to try those items again as they have been prepared a “different” way. So I will and what do you know – I still don’t like that food. I have learned to respect other people’s food choices.
Whether it is the friend who won’t eat vegetables the friend who won’t eat curry to the friend who won’t eat Asian food. You like what you like.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried the food, it sucked, you had a natural reaction, politely declined to eat more, and you weren’t rude about it in the slightest. Expecting someone who wolfs down food they hate just to be “polite” is asinine.
Her point about your parents was also stupid and wrong, as everybody in a given culture won’t necessarily like every single dish from that culture’s cuisine.” FHTFBA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had to google “arfid” to understand what it means, but your partner is the one who is being rude here.
She knows you have boundaries when it comes to food, so pressuring you into eating stuff you don’t like is like bullying someone. You even tried it, and said you don’t like it. She should accept your boundaries, not be a whiny complainer about it…” Unable_Health_3776
1. AITJ For Not Being Talkative At An Old Friend's Wedding?
“Some days ago, I (21F) traveled along with my parents to an old friend’s (20F) marriage, Hope. We used to be close when we were kids but we lost contact and didn’t talk at all for almost a decade, but our parents remained friends.
There wasn’t any fight or drama between us, she just moved far away and we lost contact.
Her family is religious and in their church, if you’re seeing someone, you have to marry asap. She started seeing someone last year and is now married. The point is my behavior during the traveling days made my parents get angry at me.
I’m not a very talkative person, I’m more introverted and sometimes, it’s hard, it’s like I have to prepare myself before talking. I do talk with my close friends, but Hope and I aren’t friends anymore, to be honest.
I’m not saying it in a mean way.
We just didn’t talk for almost a decade and we grew very different. The problem is both our parents didn’t seem to understand this and started to demand we hug and talk. We tried but we don’t have much in common.
I also don’t like being touched, especially frequently, and I know her mother didn’t mean any harm, she’s a wonderful person, but she touched me a lot, kissing and hugging me all the time and I just kinda froze. She also wanted me to eat a lot and I just couldn’t (literally) but my parents continued to enable her to make me eat even when they knew I was about to throw up.
I talked with them about it when we were alone and they said they were angry at me for not being happy and that Hope’s mom was just being nice which I don’t disagree in the last part. After that, they started to compare me with Jane’s (their other friend) son, saying that they should marry us, because, I quote, “the two of you are anti-social weirdos”.
For context: Hope’s mom, Jane, and my parents are all friends. Jane’s son, Ed, normally doesn’t talk much to people and hides in his room. He never got therapy for long enough for a diagnostic but it’s said he might have PTSD and depression due to three robberies some years ago.
He never really got the right treatment and still suffers from the trauma, but everyone, even his parents, downplays it.
On the wedding night, I didn’t talk much, although I tried and prepared myself to try talking. When Hope talked with me, I shook her hand and congratulated her in a low tone of voice.
We just talked for like 2 minutes because she had to talk with the other guests. When we got alone, my mother got furious at me saying I barely talked and I embarrassed her so much it knocked her out of shame.
My dad also said he was disappointed and that I needed to learn how to communicate better.
I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with, but I’ve tried, I tried. My parents keep saying I’m the jerk for not speaking much at the wedding or during the travel at all.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hello fellow introvert! I get the feeling of conversation with strangers, which this old friend is by now and even sometimes with friends can be an effort. Been there, and felt that, it’s not a big deal. Getting better at it can be worthwhile but honestly, the bride didn’t sound like she was feeling it either. Unfortunately, your parents buy into the belief everyone should be an extrovert and also seem to believe their feelings matter more than yours.
That sucks. Everyone is different and there is nothing wrong with that. Until you start looking down on others or only think of yourself. Which is only on your parents in this case. ” -Patchwork-
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