People Have Us On The Edge Of Our Seats With These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Food For My High-Functioning Autistic Brother?
“I (21M) still live with my parents and some of my siblings.
My oldest brother ‘Daniel’ (29M) is on the spectrum. My mom often asks for help to take care of him.
The only problem is Daniel is very high-functioning. He has a license and a car, and he has the mental capacity to live on his own. My parents just coddle him and treat him like a child. He lives in the house, and he doesn’t help with the chores whatsoever.
He will eat up all the food in the house, and then ask us to buy him food at his old age, and he won’t replace the groceries, so I will use my money that I need for the car note and bills to help around the house.
He doesn’t have a job either, so he stays at home doing this all day.
Our youngest brother ‘Chris’ (17M) and I do the brunt of the dirty work. Our mother will go ask us to buy Daniel food despite him having a car.
Well one day, our mother asked us to buy Daniel food while Chris and I were both at work. We both work at restaurants, so she thinks we can just walk out with food, but we have to pay for it.
I asked her why Daniel couldn’t get his own food, and she said that he didn’t have any money. I told her she should send him some money, or I’ll do it, but she says to do as she asks.
I told her I make no promises.
I get off at 10:25 pm, and Chris texts me that he’s off too, and he’s ready to be picked up. I drive over to his job, and get out of the car to find out that Daniel and Chris have been going back and forth on the phone for 7 minutes, over Chris telling Daniel to send him money because he can’t afford to buy Daniel food.
Daniel personally went to Chris to ask for this since he’s young. I immediately called Daniel to tell him that Chris is only 17, and he’s not entitled to buy a grown man food. Daniel says that we’re both disrespectful and he’s going to tell Mom (mind you he’s almost 30 snitching to his mother).
I told Daniel to get a job, move out of the house, and stop blaming his condition on everything. Daniel was fuming and then I told Daniel if he’s going to act like that, then he can get his own food.
I told my mother that we aren’t buying a 29-year-old man food because he’s too lazy to get it himself.
She sent Daniel some money and then called me on the phone crying saying we were making her life harder, and we’re both being jerks.
Chris is a 17-year-old boy and I work 50 hours a week at 21. We shouldn’t be entitled to buy him food when he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself. It’s even worse that he’s expecting it from us now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s time for a family meeting where you and your brother lay down the law about going forward explain what you told us and discuss how she is an enabler. Tell your child of a brother his threat to tattle like a child, just backfired. Tell him that you don’t bite the hand that feeds you or things like this happen and it is a life lesson your mom didn’t teach him.
(Mom needs to hear that part). Also, because he chose to use tattling against the brothers, you are making tattling useless because Mom now knows the days of the gravy train are over anyway. That you are tattling on yourselves right here and now.
Finally, say it is time to grow the heck up and time for mom to stop keeping her son from being self-sufficient, and any attempts to badger or guilt trip will be ignored. That mom is the one who is harming him by not helping him be independent.
That you two are done.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if Daniel was younger than you, it wouldn’t be your responsibility to parent him, it would be your parents’. And since Daniel isn’t just older but high-functioning enough to both drive and take advantage of your parents’ leniency to just coast through life like a perpetual kid, you’re even less of a jerk.
I can’t say the same for Daniel, though: Having autism doesn’t mean that he, specifically, gets to leech off people and try to pressure a teenager into enabling his lifestyle. It sounds like all of your family members live in the same house, so I would recommend trying to get your own place as soon as possible and consider taking Chris with you.
Your parents are likely expecting you to look after Daniel after they’re gone, and if you and maybe Chris are always using your wages to look after Daniel and the household, it’s going to be that much harder to break away and avoid getting stuck with those responsibilities.” Independent_Mix_9615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them asking you to bring him food as long as they pay for it. But they aren’t. I’m also unfortunately in a similar position.
Around the same age as you and I have a brother about your older brother’s age who is undiagnosed but very likely on the spectrum. He is capable of driving and having a job and cleaning but chooses not to contribute to the house at all or get a job.
My parents have finally come to terms with the serious issue at hand but my mom in particular hasn’t been able to acknowledge how coddling him has created this dysfunctional dynamic between them. Trying to break the cycle and hold him accountable for his choice to not do anything has become incredibly difficult.
I think he’s learned to manipulate the situation to continue to get off scot-free. I’m sure you know this but this situation is caused by the dynamic between your mom and your brother. There’s nothing you can do to fix that.
I would recommend you and your younger brother work together and hold the same boundaries (ex. We’ll bring home food from the restaurant only if we’re given money first, we will help him with x only if he does y first, etc.).
You’re doing the right thing protecting yourself and each other from being taken advantage of and from contributing to this dynamic that allows your older brother to continue doing nothing.” stressbakingcookies
20. AITJ For Agreeing To Walk My Nephew Down The Aisle Despite His Mother's Objections?
“My (48M) nephew (23M) and I have always been really close.
My sister has always been selfish and lays around waiting for everyone else to take care of her responsibilities so when she had my nephew she wasn’t much different. His dad is a user too and only ever came around all the time to sniff up my sister’s behind rather than spending time with his kid.
Of course my nephew stuck to me like glue and my grandma and I practically raised him doing all the actual work while my sister and his dad spent time with him occasionally when they weren’t sleeping in the middle of the day or running off to smoke in their car.
As a result, my nephew and I are close and I’ve done whatever I could for him even after having my own kids. I was even the first person he came out to. My sister resents this though and anytime I say opposite to her she snaps and I get constantly reminded I’m not his parent.
He’s getting married in a few weeks and last week he asked me to walk him down the aisle and I agreed. His mom found out Monday and was furious. She calls me screaming at me that he’s her son and he should’ve asked her or his dad.
My wife thinks I should pay her no mind. But I’ve been getting calls from my mom and other family saying I should’ve told him no and steered him to his parents to avoid all the drama my sister is causing now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has nothing to do with or say about this situation. “But I’ve been getting calls from my mom and other family saying I should’ve told him no and steered him to his parents to avoid all the drama my sister is causing now.” Tell them that, if they really think about it, it’s your nephew who’s at fault.
He should never have gotten engaged in the first place — or maybe never even been born — considering that your sister was bound to cause drama regardless.” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am always amazed how families expect the wronged party to adjust so the antagonists don’t get “upset”- I am shocked that your nephew still has a relationship with his sperm donor and incubator after the way they treated him.
Your nephew loves and trusts you – he wants you to do that because you did more for him than anyone else! He needs to go LC or NC with the “parents” (I have a hard time calling them that based on how you describe them).” OpenYenAted
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk, you helped raise him when his own “mother” and “father” couldn’t even be bothered to care for him. She’s just upset because he didn’t tell her first about coming out and wanting to be walked down the aisle is something you ask the person you think of like a dad.
I’d tell them that you’re going to do it because you care about him and that it’s selfish of her to want to make it about her. His “mother” just wants the spotlight and isn’t getting it. I’d also remind his grandma that she also helped raise him.” Moonchild5056
19. AITJ For Refusing To Look Out For My Bullying Brother And Not Favoring Him Over My Sisters?
“My parents have five kids. I’m (17m) the oldest and my brother (15m) is closest in age to me and we have three little sisters. But my brother has always been the golden child of my parents. He can’t do anything wrong in their eyes and they act like he’s a literal angel.
The brother my parents see is so different from who everyone else sees though.
He’s a bully, he’s misogynistic and homophobic. He’s a jerk to adults and kids. All four of our grandparents refuse to be anywhere near him because of how he’s treated them.
He stole from our mom’s parents 4 years ago. They babysat for my parents while they worked during that time and during that time he took my grandpa’s credit card and spent $500 on video games in 10 minutes. When my grandma told him to stop he called her a mean woman and said he didn’t need to listen.
That angered my grandpa more than I have ever seen him angry before. My brother told him to drop dead in response to Grandpa.
Our neighbors also dislike us because of what my brother gets away with. Pretty sure they wish they could make us leave.
My sisters can’t even play with kids in the neighborhood anymore.
My brother’s been suspended from school three times, starting in the third grade. He was kicked from Zoom classes for the stuff he was saying to his teacher and the other kids.
Then he was suspended last year for bullying a kid.
My parents won’t hear anyone out about my brother and he’s such a jerk to our sisters that I need to step in and shield them from the worst of it.
Almost every day he makes homophobic comments to me and he even tried to find out who my partner is so he could harass him.
Now my parents are a little concerned about some of his friends and what they’re doing and he angered the wrong kid by bullying his brother so he’s in a lot of trouble.
My parents told me it’s my job as his older brother to look out for him and keep him out of trouble. I told them it’s not my job. I have had enough of shielding my sisters from what a jerk he is to them.
My parents said I shouldn’t favor my sisters. I said they favor my brother over everyone else and we all know it. They denied it and said we were being too sensitive and keeping count too much. I told them he’s trouble because of them and they made him the monster that he is and I’m not helping him with anything ever.
My parents called me jealous and a brat in response. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents need to parent their kid, which they are absolutely not doing. It’s not your responsibility. Set your boundaries against your brother and parents.
This is NOT your responsibility. Your parents suck at their job. I am sorry they are trying to pin this responsibility on you. Distance yourself as much as you can from both parents and your brother. You’ll be an adult soon, and hopefully, you can leave.
Good luck, OP.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask parents why they think you’d be jealous of someone that no one, not even his own grandparents, want to be around? Why would you be jealous of someone whose parents care so little about them they never taught him right from wrong?
Yeah, they neglected you in favor of your brother but you’d rather be you than him. You at least will have a future to look forward to, brother will have nothing and no one when his parents die because of what his parents turned him into.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“How exactly are you supposed to “Keep him out of trouble”? He has shown he won’t listen to his grandparents, he certainly isn’t going to listen to anything you tell him to do or not do.
Even if they pretended to give you some authority over him, you know that as soon as you tried to use it in a way he didn’t like, he would run to your parents and they would scold you.
and when he gets into trouble in spite of your best efforts, then they will all blame you. Because gods forbid he ever should have to take any accountability, or for that matter, your parents take accountability for raising him to be as he is.
NTJ.” ObjectInMirror
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Absentee Bio Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (19F) am getting married in the next two months to my fiance (19M) – everything is booked and ready to go, except one minor inconvenience: my bio dad. I haven’t had a relationship with him since I was 13 when he no longer wanted to be a part of my life.
Some backstory – my mum met my stepdad when I was 7 and ever since then he was my dad. In every way a dad is, turning up when I’m ill, school plays, when I was getting bullied, etc. My bio dad didn’t want to know anything about this.
I met my fiancé when I was 10 and we have been together ever since we were 13 and then when we were 16 we welcomed our baby girl who is now (3F) into the world even though she wasn’t planned. The rest of our families congratulated us all except my bio dad.
When we told everyone that we were engaged it never crossed my mind to tell him, somehow the news got back to him (probably by someone on that side of the family as I’m okay with them). He has been demanding to know when the wedding date is and what he should wear (to match the theme of the wedding) to walk me down the aisle.
I recently sent him a text saying “I don’t know why you would be walking me down the aisle when you are not even invited to my wedding, you haven’t had any involvement in my life for years and you didn’t even congratulate me when I had your granddaughter” – a lot of my family are thinking I should just******* up for one day and let him walk me down the aisle.
However, I believe that it is my day and I should be able to make a choice of who I want there. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding day is something you’ll always remember and cherish, the last thing you need is a reminder that the most lacks person walked you down the aisle so your family could save face?
Not worth giving up such a special day and also cutting out the dad who actually has been there for you. Those who want you to allow that just for the sake of it have clearly never been in your position and therefore should not have an input on the matter.” Free-Spirit10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that he just assumed that he would be walking you down the aisle and didn’t even bother to ask tells me what I need to know about his character. Even without your history of abandonment, you have the right to choose to not have your father walk you down the aisle if you want – it is entirely your choice.
You do not have to******* up for one day. And you most especially do not have to******* up for someone who abandoned you.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My sperm donor isn’t part of my life anymore either, not since 13 when I found out what he did to be in prison most of my life… He was upset to not be invited or walking me down the aisle either.
I relented eventually and invited him, but stood firm that my mom and stepdad were giving me away. I wish I never relented on him being there though… You are correct. It is your day to celebrate your love for your other.
If you don’t want him there, then that’s the end of the discussion. If people keep pushing, just remind them you can trim the guest list further if no one can be bothered to respect your decision.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend's Rude Partner To My Family's Holiday Home?
“My friends and I are planning a trip to my dad’s holiday home in August. There’ll be 7 of us in total. It would be 8, but I’ve decided not to invite my friend Kara’s partner Alex because every time I see him he makes it blatantly obvious he doesn’t like me.
Since I met him about a year ago, he has been awkward and standoffish with me in a way he isn’t towards our other friends. I have really tried to make conversation with him but everything I do seems to offend or annoy him.
He avoids me like the plague in group settings, rolls his eyes at everything I say, and only gives monosyllabic answers to anything I ask him. I’ve given up trying to be his friend but he can’t even be polite and it’s annoying.
I get that not everyone is going to like you in life but I don’t think there’s any need to be rude.
(I have asked Kara what I did to upset him but she denies there’s a problem.
She just says he’s an awkward person and probably just doesn’t feel comfortable around me.)
Anyway, I just can’t be bothered to spend ten days hosting someone who can’t even manage to say hello to me.
So I told Kara that the invite didn’t extend to Alex. She’s upset. She said he’d be really hurt by that and that it’s disrespectful to her relationship. I said Alex is disrespectful to me and I don’t have to put up with that in my family’s house.
She put it to the group and 2 people sided with her but I said we can all pick a neutral location to stay if they want Alex to come so badly, and that shut everyone up because the cost of staying in that area in the summer is astronomical. Kara is calling me a tyrant, and I guess I kind of am, but I think I’m justified. No, Alex is not outright cruel to me but he’s hostile, so why do I have to put up with him?
I know Kara is complaining to our other friends about the issue and how she doesn’t want to go now that Alex is excluded. I don’t want this kind of drama but after I’ve been the only one acknowledging the problem, I think I have to stand my ground here.
Should I just let him come?”
Another User Comments:
“Who gets to stay in your house is not a democratic decision: yes, you are being a tyrant and absolutely justifiably so. NTJ. If ‘Alex’ can interact with the rest of your friends then he can at least show some basic courtesy to you, especially after being around you for a year (the ‘feeling comfortable’ thing is a crock of nonsense after this length of time: Alex is just rude).
You have offered the perfectly reasonable alternative of going somewhere else where Alex can be included. You just don’t want him in YOUR home, which is fair enough from the circumstances you describe.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people like her think that just because her relationship is super important to her, other people should center it too.
Tough luck to her. You shouldn’t have to put up with that guy for days on end on your father’s property so she can be centered. She’s happy to have you uncomfortable. She’s selfish. Leave her out entirely, I say.
I empathize. Generally speaking, I know it can be a pain in the backside when friends and family choose to bring around a partner who lacks social skills, is rude, causes problems, etc. If that’s what the friend or loved ones like in a partner, that’s on them and it doesn’t mean anyone else has to put up with it.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your house, your rules. In my experience, the best way to deal with a bully, especially one who thinks they’re being sly by being passive-aggressive, is to confront them in front of everyone.
Not in an aggressive matter, but very matter-of-factly stating that they are being rude by doing or saying XYZ, and asking them what you did to them to justify that behavior and how you can get them to stop.
Make them explain themselves. Some people need to be called out and shamed. They only do this as long as they think they can get away with it and believe others agree with their behavior. It’s probably too late for that now that the whole thing has blown up and people have picked sides, but try that should you ever find yourself in a situation like this again.” kh3013
16. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Aging Parents Without My Wife?
“My parents want to take me, my siblings, and our spouses, on a trip over the Christmas holidays. This is the only logical time that works for my parents and siblings to go. Both of my sister’s husbands are coming but my wife says she isn’t able to come because of two reasons.
First, she can’t miss work during that time. Second, she does not want to miss Christmas with her immediate family (my family doesn’t really do much for Christmas). This is an opportunity to go on a vacation with my aging parents, likely the last trip we would all be able to take together with them.
My wife and I don’t have any kids so that is not a factor in our decision.
I want to go but, of course, feel badly leaving my wife behind. My wife is upset that I would be missing Christmas with her family, but I think she understands that this trip is important to me.
Even if she does understand, it doesn’t make me feel any better about the potential decision I would be making by leaving her behind, or the difficult conversations I know will come leading up to the vacation.
AITJ if I go on vacation with my family and leave my wife behind?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you and your wife have spent every Christmas with her family. Thus, your wife being upset for you missing one Christmas with her family does not really make sense when she is missing a once-in-a-lifetime with your family.
I do understand that some jobs will not allow you to take time off during Christmas but it sounds like she would rather stay home with her family anyway. Hopefully, you can both enjoy the times with your families.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife was invited but can’t go. Even if she could get time off, she won’t go as she wants to be with her family. You want to be with your family and time with aging parents is precious, so the only compromise is that you do your own things this year.
If you don’t and it does turn out to be the last opportunity, you would only regret it. Your wife shouldn’t be upset that you are missing Christmas with her family as she is also missing Christmas with yours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You guys don’t have any kids, and you both want to prioritize your families. That’s okay! There’s no rule where you need to prioritize each other over your families for Christmas and I don’t see where either of you would have any grounds for being upset at each other since both of you are choosing your families.
Spend Christmas separately. Facetime on the morning of or something. This is only an issue because we’ve been so socialized to treat it like one.” Appropriate_Buyer401
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Aunt To My Wedding?
“I (f28) am getting married toward the end of 2024. And we’ll have parents from both sides pitching in financially. Although there is some time to the wedding, we are finalizing everything right now, as the venues get booked very early and the available ones are pretty low standard or extremely expensive.
Among other stress triggers, is an all-time favorite – guest list. It’s a traditional wedding and no more than 200 max as we won’t have a reception due to other commitments. It’ll be a mix of relatives, and social and professional relations.
There is one family that I’d sworn to never invite. My aunt and her husband. Their son got hitched last year, and they didn’t invite us, or even introduce their daughter-in-law considering how close we were. The aunt had the gall to boast about her daughter-in-law but never introduced us.
And this aunt is famous amongst us relatives to attend weddings inviting a plus one on her own without informing the hosts. And she is shameless for doing it. I told my family that she isn’t invited because of said reasons.
My family lost it. They were furious and said that since they were close we must invite them and that we must forget and forgive stuff. I lost it, and told them that if at all they want to invite said aunt and uncle, their invite will contain ‘Mr and Mrs XYZ ONLY’.
They were mad that I could even think of doing that.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You are not thinking of how this would impact the family dynamics. Also, how was it your aunt’s fault that her child didn’t invite you to their wedding when it is clearly not your parents’ fault that you are deciding to exclude your aunt?
I can see you not inviting your cousin who didn’t invite you to their wedding as that is mutual but why are you picking on your aunt? People can’t control what their kids do after a certain age.” Possible-Compote2431
Another User Comments:
“Your cousin didn’t invite you to HIS wedding, so you’re not inviting his parents, is that it? It wasn’t your aunt’s place to invite you to somebody else’s wedding or to introduce you to somebody else’s wife.
YTJ, but not particularly for not inviting someone to your own wedding, you are allowed to do that. But YTJ for not clearing the air with your aunt and uncle immediately, since it’s clearly bothering you. Being passive-aggressive now is simply immature.” Lower-Valuable4417
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t invite you, then you’re off the hook and no one has a right to be angry with you. You’re not as close as you and everyone else imagined, and they lost the right to an “appearance’s sake” ask to avoid questions and murmurs from people not close enough to know the situation.
Whittling down the list is always hard, and many people have to make painful decisions about who doesn’t make the cut. Don’t knock people off who you actually want there for them.” Pale_Cranberry1502
14. AITJ For Not Taking Communion At My Grandfather's Catholic Funeral?
“My (33F) grandfather’s funeral was last week. It was obviously a pretty somber event but the family all knew it was coming, he was very old and his health had been declining for years.
I was actually able to be the last grandchild who saw him at the hospital the day before he passed away.
My grandfather was a lifelong Catholic like most of my family and so had a Catholic funeral. I was raised Catholic but I no longer am, I actually converted to a non-denominational church and was even rebaptized in my mid-20s although I’m not actively in any church now, but even if I ever did return to any it wouldn’t be Catholic which I strongly disagree with on obvious matters of s*******y and status of women.
This was the first Catholic mass I had attended in almost a decade.
During the funeral, the priest announced communion and because many non-Catholics were present also stated that only Catholics were allowed to take it, but non-Catholics could come up with their arms crossed over their chest for a blessing.
That is what I did. I was probably the only direct family member who did so (one of my uncles did but he was just my grandfather’s son-in-law by marriage and was never Catholic.)
Afterward, we met at his place and took some photos and kind of concluded a celebration of his life we had done the last few days.
It was a good time. I was talking to my mother later, I know it’s been tough for her because she lost her mother when I was just a teenager and she was close to him. She talked about appreciating everyone being there…but then a couple of days ago told me she noticed me crossing my arms at communion and was a bit embarrassed. I told her the priest specifically said non-Catholics can’t take it, my mom said I could count because I was originally baptized and raised Catholic.
She said she felt embarrassed around her siblings and my grandfather’s friends. I told her it’s not about her and that I simply followed the rules and felt like I would be lying if I took it, plus I didn’t want to partake as a point of principle.
I would take communion at a liberal church. My mom said that’s not the point because this was an important family matter. Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you did was very respectful in my opinion. You could have sat and did nothing.
You could have done something you’re not comfortable with and pretended you are a Catholic. Being baptized does not mean you’re under any obligation to live by a certain set of beliefs. Imagine we all became the people our parents decided we should be as a baby.
You’re good and should know you did the right thing.” whatsername235
Another User Comments:
“NTJ At All. Your mom is apparently more worried about appearances than what your grandfather would want. You have a better reason to take communion than I do since I was never Catholic (and you’re probably far more religious than I was even at a young age), but it would have been totally inappropriate to do that effectively for show if you no longer believe in the practice.
I have no idea why anyone would think it would be okay to participate in this situation, that is way more offensive than honestly showing that your beliefs have changed.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. My sister-in-law is Catholic, my brother, her husband, is not.
He’s not allowed to take communion when they go to Catholic events with her family and it makes him sad every time because he’s a believer and it’s his opinion that communion from any denomination should be something that any believer should be able to participate in and to exclude the people who love Jesus but don’t follow Him according to Catholic principles is divisive and, well, he’s just not a fan.
He doesn’t say anything about it and he sits quietly while they take communion because he loves his wife and respects her faith and how she practices it. You participated in the way that was most respectful of Catholic tradition and still honored your grandfather.
If I can say one thing, it’s to please go easy on your mom. Grief makes things hard for a while. Emotions are weird. She’s just trying to figure out how to breathe again. Maybe next time she says anything about it, tell her it’s okay and you miss him too and he’d just be glad to have blessed you if he’d been there.
If that’s something that would be true to say of him, that is. I wish you and your family peace.” BrightFirelyt
13. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Parents To The Airport After They Wouldn't Pick Me Up?
“I have been the primary driver of my parents (75 and 81) to the airport for over a decade. This has meant things like rearranging my sleep schedule (I work 12-hour overnights) to make sure I am available to pick them up or drop them off.
When I’ve said that won’t work for me, or that I can’t, I get guilted into it. About every other trip, my brother will do either pick up or drop off, but the rest of the time it’s on me.
For reference, my older brother lives just slightly further from our parents than I do. My younger siblings don’t live in town.
My mom has a bad leg and back, and uses a cane (and a wheelchair in the airports).
She is disabled but able to drive and will walk, though she walks slowly. Her major problem is standing and uneven surfaces. My stepdad is in great health and regularly drives and hikes for miles.
At the end of April, I dropped my parents off despite just getting off of shift and only managing about three hours of sleep prior.
Likewise, when they returned last month, I woke up early (though I got more sleep) to go pick them up in the middle of rush hour where it took me twice as long to get to the airport as normal. On top of that, there was some issue with checked luggage.
It took nearly 2 hours after they landed to exit. Then I went and got the car so my mom didn’t have to walk where they were doing construction.
About two weeks later, I had a trip out of town.
I asked my parents to drop me off. My mom said no, though sent me money for a cab. I was annoyed (I dislike taking cabs and Ubers, I have a lot of social anxiety, and am not good at just random chatting) but asked her if she’d be willing to pick me up.
She said they’d see. I don’t even remember why she couldn’t take me.
Well, needless to say, when I was heading back, my parents said they couldn’t get me. The timing was wrong and they were tired. I said ok that I was done taking them to the airport.
My mom tried to blow it off and said I didn’t do it that much. I told her how many times I have done it and how much I’ve moved things around to make sure I could.
She blew up at me, reminded me of all the other things she has done (which she has), and that she is elderly.
Not only did she call me a jerk right before hanging up on me, but when I got home that night (I don’t live with them but my kid was over there) she told me that her best friend also thought I was a giant jerk for the way I spoke to her.
I have little doubt my mom blew the whole thing up to the point that she told her friend that I was screaming and yelling. That’s a whole other situation.
Anyway, am I the jerk for refusing to drive my parents to and from the airport after they refused to come and pick me up?
I’ve never really asked for them to get me from the airport before this.”
Another User Comments:
“If they can travel, they can certainly handle getting their bags and taking paid transportation. They take YOU because you’re cheap (as in “free”).
And, frankly, given your mother’s entitled behavior and her need to blab to everyone within earshot that you’re evil for not bowing to their every demand, that would be all I would need to go LC or NC, or, at least, not to bother making any effort to maintain a relationship.
If that’s unacceptable, start coming up with excuses every time they ask for a favor (“Gee, Mom, I’d like to take you to the airport, but I can’t”; “Why not”?; “I don’t want to.”)” IBelieveYouSure62
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, from your story you dropped your parents off at the airport and picked them up weeks later.
It’s not that big a deal a couple of times a year. You said they travel 4 times a year and your brother does the driving every other trip. Is that half the time? So 4 times a year you bring them to the airport?
Your child was at their house. Do they help take care of them? You said your 81-year-old mother does a lot for you. What are those things? Why not speak to your other siblings and arrange a schedule for dropping them to and from the airport if you’re struggling?
Or ask everyone to chip in for a taxi/uber instead.” hippy84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but sometimes, with certain people, confrontation/direct communication doesn’t work. Sometimes, you have to just back away slowly, in your case, by saying no to the next request for a ride.
“I’m sorry, I can’t rearrange my schedule and I’m unable to take you.” Sometimes you have to repeat yourself and not offer any explanation. “I’m sorry, I’m unable to take you.” Your mother sounds like the kind of person who needs consequences, not logic.
The consequence being no more rides.” Treehousehunter
12. AITJ For Choosing A Chain Salon Over My Neighbor's Independent Salon?
“I am 27m. My neighbor from down the street Jamie (36f) runs an independent hair salon she opened a few years ago.
It was her lifelong dream and everyone who lives in my neighborhood has been supportive of her, including me for a while. I like Jamie well enough as a person but I’ve run into the following problems with her salon:
1. Walk-ins are nonexistent, and if you want an appointment at her salon, you have to schedule days in advance because she only has one other person working there.
2. The price is bonkers. I’ve paid as much as $45 for a trim.
3. This one is a little petty, but Jamie will talk customers’ ears off about social events she’s going on that haven’t worked out, gossip about neighbors, etc.
A few months ago, I had a job interview and needed a trim ASAP.
There’s a Great Clips up the road that was offering walk-ins, and I left with one of the best haircuts of my life for which I only paid $17. Since then, I have been a pretty loyal customer, and it’s always yielded great results.
Last weekend, I was at a cookout, and Jamie was there and noticed I had gotten a haircut. She asked where I had been, as she hadn’t seen me come into the salon in a while, and I told her the truth, that I had gone to a different place that had walk-ins available since I needed a quick trim.
Jamie was really upset, saying that she felt betrayed and that I ‘shouldn’t turn my back on supporting independent businesses for the sake of convenience.’ I later found out she hasn’t been doing as great of business as in the past.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, and while I do love and prefer to support independent businesses, something like a haircut is important enough that I would rather go to a better place than be nice.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hate to say it but a $45 trim vs $17 haircut would win me over every time. You get to look good and receive good service, for a cheaper price. You do not owe your neighbor your business.
She’s working in a competitive field and she should understand that. Honestly, after her comment at the gathering, I would feel uncomfortable going to her salon knowing she felt entitled to my patronage. If anything, she should be doing some competitive research to figure out how to entice more people to visit her salon.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“Oh lord. So NTJ. It’s entirely your business where you take your business and a neighbor or even friend is inappropriate to act as if you have any obligation to give them your business. You did nothing wrong, she is 100% the one in the wrong here.
It’s unfortunate that she doesn’t have a BIT of self-awareness to consider the actual, valid reasons why ANYONE might prefer a different option from her salon. You named one obvious one, being the quick turnaround. Small business owners who ‘succeed’ by strong-arming their friends and acquaintances into patronizing their business really aren’t successful, are they.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as someone who did hair I can say her behavior is EXTREMELY unprofessional. Clients come and go for various reasons and you can’t take it personally. I can tell you that based on what you wrote here and her attitude she will not be successful and in a couple of years she’ll probably be slinging hair at great clips herself.
Only about 2% of salons in the country actually turn a profit. It’s a rough business. She also obviously doesn’t know how to relate to her clients well if she thinks those are appropriate topics to discuss with everyone. Stylists need to learn how to relate to different types of people.” AnneShurely
11. AITJ For Making My Daughter Practice Cursive During Summer Break?
“I (43F) have three kids, Caroline (15F), Elizabeth (10F), and Jonah (7M). All of my kids are homeschooled. In order to prevent learning loss, we continue learning throughout the summer (we take smaller breaks throughout the year and our summer schedule is much more flexible).
During the summer we focus on problem areas rather than all the curriculum at once.
Caroline in particular struggles with her penmanship and her math. I’ve been giving her cursive worksheets so she can have more practice with improving her handwriting.
She’s fine with this, and she chose what cursive workbook she wanted to work on. She does a few pages a day, it takes her maybe half an hour, and then she does general copy work as additional practice (I don’t facilitate this, she does it on her own).
However, my husband (44M) has told me that Caroline should not be doing cursive worksheets because “cursive is a waste of time nowadays” and he strongly disagrees with my encouragement of Caroline to work on her penmanship. He told me it’s cruel to deprive my daughter of just being a kid over the summer by giving her cursive worksheets.
Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funny you should mention this now, as my teen just mentioned to me how happy she is that she learned cursive. She finds it to be a faster and easier writing style, and it’s helping her take notes.
Research shows that people are better able to retain information that they handwrite, and cursive builds neural connections between the brain hemispheres. So yes, it’s benefiting your daughter. It sounds like it’s a skill she wants to master.
Why stop her?” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. What does Caroline want? Your husband isn’t wrong, cursive is rapidly becoming an archaic skill that will have no practical use for the vast majority of people. If Caroline would prefer to not be doing it, I’d say it’s a pretty easy thing to let go of, and it’s probably not something worth taking away from that free summer feeling.
If anything, she should be working in print instead. But, if she enjoys and wants to learn cursive and would be doing it on her own even if given the option to not do it, then of course, let her.
My grandma taught me to knit which is still a favourite hobby of mine 30 years later. Cursive and calligraphy can be fun hobbies as well.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s honestly sad that cursive is dying out.
There are plenty of studies that show the benefit of learning cursive. Including kids with bad print penmanship tend to write nicer in cursive. Spending an hour or two doing that during the day is not cruel or depriving her of anything, especially since she is showing she doesn’t mind and even does extra work herself.
She’s a kid who is struggling with something in school, kids in public school who have trouble with certain things also get extra help sometimes and even full summer school. There isn’t much difference to what you are doing.” Catcon95
10. AITJ For Wanting To Officially Adopt My Brother's Child Instead Of Temporary Guardianship?
“I was adopted by the people I consider my real parents when I was 7. My biological father is my adopted mother’s brother, and she adopted my sister and me from him because he’s a nut job. We were all raised with the knowledge that we were adopted. If I’m being honest, the notion of adoption isn’t really a thing in my culture as biological parenthood is very important.
Families will just take in a child from an incompetent relative and raise them alongside their own children, but the child is always aware of who their biological parents are. The biological parents are usually involved as well but aren’t the child’s primary guardians and the child usually goes back to their biological parents once they’re more stable.
My younger brother (17M) is a little jerk and he got his ex-partner pregnant. Furthermore, he was unfaithful to her and she wants nothing to do with him. She wants nothing to do with my brother and our family and I can’t blame the poor girl.
Initially, my mother was going to take the baby and raise it, but obviously, considering how things are done in my culture, my mother was expecting my brother’s ex to be involved. Even when my mother promised that she’d let her sign over parental responsibility and move on, she just didn’t seem genuine about it.
The ex-partner decided to just speak to an adoption agency and adopt the baby out externally which upset my mom as you probably guessed why: b***d is very important to her.
My husband and I have been struggling to conceive so I offered to take the baby.
But I explained that I would only do it if it was a real adoption, not like how my culture does it where I’d just be raising the baby for my brother. I made it clear that the baby wasn’t a toy to be passed around and that I wouldn’t be giving the child back when my brother finally gets his act together in 15 years.
My brother’s ex was happy with this arrangement and we’ve been in the process of getting paperwork started.
Everyone in the family is upset. They think I’m being unnecessarily difficult by going against our cultural conventions just because I’m infertile and want a baby.
My mother thinks that I’m being selfish because I was basically raised in the way I’m refusing to raise this child in and I’m being hypocritical. She thinks I should raise the kid with the knowledge of who their real parents are (which is something I’d share with them anyway when the time is right) and give my brother an opportunity to learn to be a father.
I don’t think I’m the jerk but given the cultural perspective and the nature of my own upbringing, I’m starting to think I may be being a bit hypocritical.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A child is not a toy to be passed around.
If little bro wanted to learn to be a parent-he can learn now. Do not let them badger you into compromising on this. It’s a hill to die on, IMO. The long-term effects of parental abandonment are magnified when a parent is lackadaisically involved, setting a child up for self-confidence and self-esteem issues along with a whole host of other problems. If he wants to parent, he learns how or allows someone who is equipped and prepared to do so to raise that child.
What’s best for him isn’t what’s best for the baby. Sorry not sorry.” classicvintagevibes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and here’s why. You have given the bio/birth mother an option she is willing to consider. This has nothing to do with your family’s cultural traditions… the bio mother wants none of that.
You are not being hypocritical, your brother is too young/immature to step up now and be the parent this child will need. You have the opportunity and probably the means for the child to continue to be a part of its bio family and that is wonderful.
You’re not being difficult for not wanting to invest your time energy and money into raising a child as your own, only to have your brother suddenly decide they are in a good place to take them away from you.
Nope, the adoption process is what it is for reasons just like this. Good luck going forward.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family’s “tradition” is letting men get away with running from their responsibilities to their children, while their female relatives cover their deadbeat backsides and do the dirty work of actually raising the child, and then hand the child they raised over when it’s convenient for said male.
Your family’s tradition is enabling irresponsible men to be deadbeat dads and expecting women to do all of their work for them. And these women do as they’re expected. Disgusting. On all accounts. Children are not toys that can be shared and passed around for convenience’s sake.
They are humans that deserve to have stability in their formative years. If I were you and I was determined to go through with the adoption, I’d move far away and go NC with the whole family. Because if you adopt this child, your family will poison them against you the first chance they get.
How you stole them from their real parents. This might not be the right child for you to adopt. Both for your sake and for the child’s. Be careful. Be smart. A newborn baby will have no issue getting adopted. Think of what is best for the child and not about what you want.
You want to be a parent? Think like a parent. Put the child’s needs first.” Internal-Student-997
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Not Skinny After She Called My Daughter Tubby?
“I (42F) have a (15F) daughter named Mary.
She’s been a bit curvier than other girls since she hit puberty at age 10. It’s been a huge source of stress for her and there’s been multiple incidents where she attempts some crazy diet (in 6th grade while at a sleepaway camp for music, she didn’t eat for a week except for a few granola bars).
She’s at a point now where she’s a bit more accepting of her body and isn’t going to do anything reckless, but we have to be extra careful to not mention weight stuff around her because it makes her upset.
I really want to emphasize that she doesn’t eat anything more than what other girls her age eat, and if anything she eats less. She’s had doctors walk in the room and tell her that she’s “really big for her age” and girls at school saying similar.
My daughter is at a loss for what to do, she exercises and eats healthy.
Anyways, my mother pointed out at dinner 2 days ago that she was “tubby” and she suggested that I put her on a pill and sign her up for weight watchers or a similar program.
Ever since then, she’s been texting me with “resources” and I got so mad at her refusal to stop that I told her that she should check out some of those resources because she wasn’t looking so skinny herself.
She told me to get lost and then she blocked me, and left me wondering if I’m the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally I’d say something about not stooping to their level or whatever, but I actually think you may have made a necessary point here.
It doesn’t feel very good when someone is pointing out your physical size and offering up “helpful suggestions” on how to change yourself to fit their standards. Sounds like you told her to stop before it got to that point, so you escalated and did what you needed to do.
It may be better to have a direct conversation about what kinds of conversations and comments are allowed around your daughter when you’re both calmer though. She’s from a different time and we know better now how harmful things like she was doing can be.
NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My weight went up when I hit puberty. I played 3 sports and counted calories but couldn’t lose the weight. My mom did the same as your mom. I would only be pretty if I lost weight.
In grad school, I was on the edge of an ED while I was writing my thesis and working 2 jobs. Mom thought I was “looking better”. Finally was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease (an autoimmune disease where my thyroid is attacked. My thyroid literally looks like Swiss cheese).
The gaining and losing were signs but no one saw it. Get her checked before the damage is done. Please.” irisheyes1997
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. As a girl with a severe eating disorder, I wish my mom had stood up for me like this when I was a kid.
I was never overweight, but it didn’t stop mean comments from older women in my life about how my diet would eventually catch up to me. A lot of it is internal jealousy and self-resentment, but it’s actually crazy for a grown grandmother to recommend her minor granddaughter for diet pills and such?!?!
Good on you OP. But also, be aware that sometimes intentionally avoiding conversations around food or weight can become painfully obvious to your daughter. Really, the best course of action is to speak to a nutritionist, or a doctor and have b***d work done: there’s a myriad of reasons for this.
And if there’s nothing, and it turns out she’s just genetically disposed to carry more weight, she can still be extremely healthy. One of my friends in college is quite severely overweight and is extremely healthy, a powerlifter, and unlikely to experience major health issues anytime in the near future.
She just happens to be naturally fat, and that isn’t bad or ugly at all. Body positivity, or glorifying obesity isn’t the answer, but ignoring the conversation forever won’t help either. Instead, work on body neutrality, focus on health overall, and make sure your daughter knows she’s loved just as she is.” iwtv1994
8. AITJ For Considering Cancelling My Panel Participation Because My Friend Excluded Me From Her Travel Plans?
“I was invited to do a panel at a convention on the other side of my country, it’s around a 4-5 hours drive each way, so I asked my friend if she wanted to come too as I didn’t really want to make the trip myself and even got her a spot on the panel as well.
A few months later the convention was approaching fast and I had asked a few times what we were going to do about accommodation but I never really got a response, which isn’t unusual as her organizational skills aren’t great.
She did mention though that some of her other friends might be coming to it as well to see her on the panel, I said that’s great and mentioned there would be room in my car if they needed a lift as I know very few drove.
2 weeks before the convention I chased her up again because nothing was booked and she told me that she was going to book an Airbnb for her and 5 friends. I asked if there was space for me and she said no, the room they were looking at was only up to 5, and when I asked about them looking at other options I was told they were pretty set on that one.
She also told me that her roommate was going to drive them over so she wouldn’t need a lift.
I told her I was pretty annoyed by that since the original plan was made because I didn’t want to travel alone, and asked if there was space for me in their car and she said no, but if her roommate’s friend’s partner decided he didn’t want to go, there may be room then, but she would need to check if another roommate wanted to go first. This made me even more annoyed because they wouldn’t be going at all if I hadn’t made the original plans and accommodation was looking at being around 300$ now which I didn’t want to spend on my own.
I said I didn’t know if I wanted to go anymore but I was just told “we are all adults, we are not responsible for each other’s travel plans, you can sort yourself” and I was told they could find a replacement for me on the panel if I didn’t want to do it.
I said to other friends about it as well and it was mixed between some saying I was being a jerk threatening to cancel and it wasn’t their responsibility to help me and the panel could be canceled if I pulled out and others agreeing I should have been a higher priority.
Another friend in the other state is going to let me crash with them but I’m still fairly annoyed about the whole thing and tensions are still fairly high about the whole thing. I’m still not sure if I should go through with it.”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ to yourself. You knew this friend had bad organizational skills. There was no reason to leave those plans up to her. This is YOUR panel, you needed to secure your travel and accommodations without her input if she was dragging her feet.
You never explicitly told her that you wanted her to accompany you and that you needed concrete verification before the event. Listen, your friends may be more her friends, or they see it as your panel that they’re going to as viewers/audience and might be planning their trip for them, not your comfort or needs.
Go do your thing, crush it. And learn from the whole thing that you need to look out a bit more for yourself especially if you have certain needs.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you wouldn’t be the jerk to cancel because you have the right to do whatever it is that you wanna do.
Clearly, they are not going to be too upset about whatever you decide. But I cannot go forward without pointing out the irony of you being mad at her for changing plans on you, and then being willing to cancel the commitment you made to that panel at the last minute.
There’s a little bit of hypocrisy happening here. If you are willing to cancel on the panel at the last minute, you should be a little bit more understanding about her willingness to cancel on you at the last minute.
Things happen, and priorities change. Either way, it’s clear that you were not a huge priority for her. So you can just do with that what you will. If it was me, I would be investing my time in other people.
She sent you a pretty clear message. And maybe you will go and make friends on the panel. But you’re an adult, you don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but YWBTJ if you canceled the panel. Enjoy your time with your other friend you’re crashing with and see if you want to strengthen that. There are more fish in the sea friendship-wise. The panel is a great opportunity, you would be very unprofessional if you canceled last minute for any reason other than severe illness or death in the family.
Keep in mind that people at conferences, and people who organize them, are your future colleagues. Don’t look immature by not honoring your commitment, it could seriously bite you in the butt in the future. Kill it at the panel, so much so she looks inadequate and unprepared in comparison—and then leave her be, go and meet people from your chosen field, and make new friends.
Conferences aren’t a place you necessarily go with friends (I have done that in the past, but it wasn’t the most valuable part of the conference), they’re places to meet new people/make professional connections, and broaden your horizons.
Don’t let her being an inconsiderate jerk mess up a great opportunity.” CadaverificJellyfish
7. AITJ For Giving My Wife A Family Heirloom Instead Of My Sister?
“My (51m) parents (75m 74f) are workaholics, and addicted to wealth. They loved their jobs more than their children, that’s why they sent me and my sister to live with our grandmother when we were 6 and 8. My sister (49f) moved out when she turned 18 and I continued living with my grandmother until I graduated from college at 25 because I enjoyed living with her and I also wanted to take care of her when she got sick.
The thing is that a few months ago she passed away and she left everything to me, my sister, my wife (34f) and our children (8f 6f 4f 2f two months old boy) but my sister only wanted one thing and that was a necklace that belonged to my father’s family for almost two centuries.
My ancestors always gave those necklaces to their daughters-in-law when they gave birth to their first male child as a form of celebration because the family name would continue for at least one more generation. But my grandmother disliked my mother and never gave it to her, she only kept it because she hoped I would give it to my wife, and I did.
I gave the necklace to my wife when our son was born and never told my sister, and when she saw my wife wearing it she lost her mind. She accused me of being greedy and selfish and also accused me of having stolen such a precious family jewel to give it to “a woman of ill repute.” She always disliked my wife because she didn’t agree with our grandmother adopting the daughter of the nurse who took care of her as another granddaughter.
According to her, it was unfair that she loved my wife more than her, but my grandmother loved her because my wife was always there for her. My sister, on the other hand, rarely visited her after moving and when her children were born she never taught them our grandmother’s language so they could communicate, and that hurt our grandmother because she loved communicating with my children, who do know her language.
Long story short, I don’t think I did anything wrong by giving that jewel to my wife, but suddenly my sister and even my parents believe that I should return that jewel because it is something that my sister wants to keep as a memory of her grandmother but I don’t care, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did the will specify who was to receive the necklace? Or was everything left to all of y’all as a whole and then you had to agree on how to divide it up amongst yourselves?
Was the necklace given before the division of assets was finalized? How did your sister not know where the necklace was if your grandmother died several months ago but your son was only born two months ago – were you hiding the necklace “just in case”?
Did your grandmother ever explicitly tell you or put into writing that she wanted you to have the necklace or was that just a supposition? It all comes down to who truly owns the necklace, and your wording of the way the inheritance broke down/who owned the necklace is very unclear.” SmaugTheHedgehog
Another User Comments:
“If the will is unclear, and there is a dispute over the estate, then one of the potential beneficiaries ethically cannot make one-sided decisions. YTJ for apparently appointing yourself to divide up the estate despite the dispute and not being honest as the effective executor of the estate.
I do not see any evidence that the grandmother intended for the necklace to go to any particular person. Given the vagueness of ‘everything to you and the sister and the kids’ that means, in my book, that all the adults named there have an equal right to decide.
Why should your decision on any part of the estate trump hers? And if the will or the law in your jurisdiction does say you have the sole right to divide up the estate, then it was certainly still unethical of you to hide this fact instead of acting openly and being as impartial as you can (it would be impossible IMO due to the conflict of interest).
I also note that you haven’t responded to any of the comments asking more about the terms of the will or what your sister got, which is also relevant.” wanderingmemory
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular but YTJ. Your grandmother didn’t just leave everything to you and your family but also to your sister.
The ONLY thing she wanted was the necklace and you couldn’t give her the one item? It sounds like grandma died before son was born since it was a “few months” vs “two months”. If Grandma had left everything to you, then I could understand.
You couldn’t even be bothered to tell your sister to her face that you’d rather your wife have it than her. Instead, you let her find out by having to see it on your wife. Yeah, your sister was wrong for her reaction but I honestly don’t blame her from just hearing your side.
What did you do when your sister said she wanted it? Ignore her? Tell her it was lost? Cause clearly you didn’t tell the truth. Imagine you’re her and all you want is ONE item to remember your dead grandma and your brother not only gave it to his wife instead of you but he also didn’t even have the courage to tell you to your face.
Add in that grandma picked your wife over her and yeah I bet she does have a LOT of anger over this situation.” zombiescoobydoo
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Savings To My Unemployed Mom?
“My mom (F44) has been out of a job since March 2024 and has been relying on my (F20) and my stepdad’s paychecks to keep the house running as all the bills go out of her account.
It’s been tough, especially with the current cost of living crisis.
I make around £1700 after tax and give her £1000-1200 every month whilst she’s unemployed. She’s really struggling even with this as it’s not a replacement for her salary (which is much more).
Usually, she and my stepdad split the bills and I save/spend my pay.
She was also unemployed for 6 months last year and I also helped her then.
Lately, she’s been really scolding and arguing with me almost every other day about how I have no savings and if I did I would’ve been able to help her more.
I usually just keep quiet as I know she’s under stress from not having a job and it really has knocked her self-confidence but I had enough after months of this.
I told her that I give her about 2/3 of my salary and that even if I had any savings I wouldn’t have given them to her because that’s my money for my future.
She got really upset/angry at this comment and said I’m an ungrateful daughter who doesn’t even pay rent but can’t help her in her time of need.
(I don’t pay rent because I wanted to move out and get my own place for a while with a friend but my mom didn’t want me to, so we came to an agreement that I’ll stay at home on her wish but I’m not paying rent)
I also gave her my entire trust fund I received when I was 18 which was about £18,000 because we had just moved and the house needed some renovations. And I’ve given her at least £1000 every month that she’s been unemployed.
I’m wondering if I’m a jerk because I don’t know if bringing up the fact that I wouldn’t give her any of my savings was a necessary comment considering I don’t have any and it just made an issue over money that doesn’t even exist.
(Also I know not having any savings is irresponsible and I’m learning to manage my money. I was a teen with a paycheck and I went wild for a long time before I learned the need to save).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think when everyone is level-headed you should sit down and talk about a set rent/board payment per month as long as living there, and then you do not give any more. You should not be put out/continuously giving because of your mum’s employment.
What would she do if you also didn’t have an income? Maybe be cautious of what you say about savings etc. Do not let on if you have any!” Luckylady1311
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is a parasite, and she’s gaslit you into believing that you’re the parasite.
For your own well-being and future financial security, start looking for your own living arrangement right now. Do it quietly and without announcement. You are your mother’s paycheck, and she will throw all her powers of manipulation at you to prevent that from coming to an end.
If you announce that you’re leaving too quickly, your mother’s first priority will be to make that as difficult as humanly possible. This could cause you to have to leave BEFORE you find a suitable place. You want to get out of there quickly, but not so quickly that your next place is a problem in its own right.
Think strategically. Personally, I would announce that I was leaving only after I locked down a new place, signed the contract, paid the deposit, etc. And even then, I might ask myself if the parent was petty enough to kick me out before I could move into the new place, purely as retribution.
If the answer to that is yes, then my announcement would be when I showed up with a moving truck and started loading my stuff into it. If you don’t get out of there, absolutely all of your money will be her money, and after she’s immediately spent it all your purpose will be to work to pay for her completely.
That will be your life.” Darth_Chili_Dog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to stop. She’s claiming you don’t pay rent? Then stop paying her because as far as I know, you’ve been paying 1000$ a month for rent.
That was bad for her to throw at you when you’ve been dumping your hard-earned money into her bank account. Soft YTJ for not stopping sooner. She’s financially abusing you, OP.” Oddveig37
5. AITJ For Asking A Smelly Client To Clean Up Before Continuing Our Meeting?
“I work in auto finance, helping customers at a car lot secure a loan for a vehicle. It’s been starting to warm up here and recently one of the salesmen brought back an application for someone (will call him Adam) that looked good.
So I brought Adam into my office to discuss numbers, and I was immediately met with an overwhelming smell of dirty wet dog and general body odor. I toughed it out, and thought “okay it’s the end of the day, it’s hot and muggy, maybe this guy just got off work and stinks” you know?
Whatever. But after 10 minutes I was physically ill from the smell and Adam said he was going to go home and discuss with his wife.
Adam calls in the following day and explains he wants to move forward with the process and comes in again and still has the same smell.
Now, I want to explain too that I have one of those scented wall plugins, but it’s a small office, like 8 by 8 feet and for security purposes, I close the door when we’re talking business. Signing up for an auto loan is a big commitment and takes a while, so I knew I’d be stuck in this office with Adam for likely an hour and I could barely handle 10 minutes.
I’m not really sure if there’s a way to politely comment on someone’s odor, but I tried my best saying “Hey, I know you came out here and I’m more than happy to help, but we’re going to be here a while.
Do you think you could head home and maybe clean yourself up a bit while I get the paperwork ready? I could help out and get you a gas card for $50 since I know it’s a bit of a hassle.” Again, not sure of the best way to approach it, but in the moment that seemed as inoffensive as I could have been.
Adam immediately calls me a jerk, storms out of my office, and leaves. I know Adam has a newer vehicle he wanted to trade in and his application and ID had his current address as being in a nice neighborhood, so I did say what I said based on an assumption he could go home and clean himself up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, there are all kinds of reasons Adam might smell. Perhaps he has a medical condition that makes him stinky. Perhaps he has a mental illness that makes it hard for him to shower.
Perhaps he just doesn’t care. That doesn’t really matter. There’s only one point here, which is that you just lost a customer because you complained about how they smell. I don’t know if you’re paid on commission or just get a regular wage, but this is a question for you and your employer to resolve.
If you make a habit of telling prospective customers that they smell, you’re likely to lose your habit of collecting a paycheck.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no easy way to say it. But why I’m going with NTJ is that I’ve been in the same situation as Adam.
Someone pointed it out to me, someone I only knew for a month and I’m so happy he did that. I see some people say that if it’s that bad, he notices it himself. Well, that’s not always the case.
I didn’t know. And after that person said it to me, I learned that there were people I knew who didn’t say it because they didn’t know how to. So I think you did him a favor.” Pink_Cloud90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were kind about the situation. Why should you be subjected to breathing in someone’s stink? If it was a medical condition he should have spoken up and asked for accommodations like a more ventilated room or something.
If he was in a wheelchair and you had a teeny tiny office, would he have just scaped through the doorway and wedged himself between a wall and your desk? No. He would have said I don’t fit in there.
If he smells putrid, he should have said I don’t want to be in an enclosed space due to a medical condition. I work with clients. They range from rancid, just got off physical labor job sweat stink (understandable and they usually apologize for it), no smell, used so much perfume I now have to leave work because I have a migraine and rather lose money/lay on my bathroom floor than stick it out and end up in the ER on a migraine cocktail IV.
I wish it was as socially acceptable to pause service or refuse service because of stink as it is to STINK. If I can’t be offended when someone is assaulting my olfaction then someone can’t be offended when I wear a respirator in their presence.” Jolly-Trick-9861
4. AITJ For Not Asking My Childhood Best Friend To Be My Bridesmaid?
“My best friend and I have known each other since we were 3 and we’re both 26 now. We’ve been very close and have shared many milestones together, but I wouldn’t say I feel she’s like my sister. I’m getting married next year in March and I was hanging out with her when the topic of bridesmaids came up.
I had always been very clear that I believed bridesmaids were reserved for my sisters and my sisters-in-law and while I understand that is odd, it’s my personal preference.
When she asked me about why she hadn’t been asked to be a bridesmaid I explained this to her which made her flip out and get super mad at me.
She and my other friends are not talking to me and all insist I was in the wrong and should ask her to be my bridesmaid, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s your wedding.. of course it is. It also seems like she cares about you and it hurt.
I’m not surprised that she got upset, normal reaction to this situation. Everyone saying she is weird for reacting like that is being very mean. I think it’s wrong. Your writing also suggests you already knew inside that this would be an issue.
For girls who grow up together, this is something that is normal for friends to expect out of each other. And from an outsider’s perspective, if you’ve been friends since 3 years old, it’s not crazy to believe that she imagined you both being there for each other on your wedding days.
It’s one thing to make your wedding day all about you and to want things to be perfect… just remember that you and other people will remember how you made them feel that day. Do you expect that she would have asked you to be a bridesmaid?
That’s a question that matters for your friendship. It’s your friendship, not your marriage, you are dealing with here. I’m not berating you. Just want you to remember how important friends are.
I am a male, when I got married, only 1 of my 5 brothers was up on the stand with me.
The rest were my closest friends. I only say this to give you my opinions and viewpoint. I hope you have a beautiful day when the time comes!
Add: after hours of thinking about this I think you should ask her to be in your wedding and apologize or at least explain your thoughts before.
There’s a high chance this girl already selected you as her MOH. I really think you should reconsider your position. Contrary to most I think wedding days are very much about everyone who is there and not just the bride or couple.” bad-e-daddy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have the right to pick your own bridesmaids, but she has the right to be upset. Not everyone prioritizes b***d relationships, but some do. If she sees you as a sort of chosen family, then, yes, she is going to be hurt because you are telling her she isn’t as important to you as you are to her.
After being friends since you were toddlers, this will, unfortunately, probably be a relationship ender, though. You kinda can’t come back from it – she’s always gonna have that in the back of her mind now and probably needs to prioritize relationships that are more equal. Your friends are likely pulling away for the same reasons- the group has different values towards relationships than you, and especially for people who may not have stable family relationships and need to form their own, this is going to make them put you at a bit of an arm’s length in the best situation.
This is likely coming down to incompatible values towards relationships.” whichwitch9
Another User Comments:
“So while I will say NTJ as it’s your wedding and it’s your decision I could see why your friend would be hurt by this.
If you’re as tight as you say you are it’s not outrageous for her to assume she would be included in the wedding party. You said you made it clear you believed bridesmaids were reserved for your sisters only but was that made clear specifically to her?
I’m also curious – has she been married and had you as a bridesmaid at her wedding? If yes I could see this rejection as being even more of a slight.” ariesgal11
3. AITJ For Planning To Sell My Brother's Abandoned Truck That's Still In My Name?
“So I haven’t done this yet, but it is what I’m planning to do. So seven years ago I sold my father’s 1969 Ford F250 to my brother for 500 bucks, I was going to sell it as it hasn’t run in years and sits at the back of my property, it was until yesterday overrun with blackberries, and covered in leaves and dirt.
I have asked my brother several times each year to come get this truck (he has the means to tow it and move it). I found out he had never taken the vehicle out of my name.
So would I be the jerk if I sold it without telling him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your brother that the storage fee for the last seven years is $500. If he wants the truck he’s got 30 days to come move it or it will be considered abandoned property and sold off.
Of course it might blow up your relationship with your brother, so you have to consider if it might just be better to let the blackberries have it back. Good luck!” InstructionTop4805
Another User Comments:
“I’d suggest putting in writing what you intend to do with a deadline and then sell it if he fails to follow through.
Then give him back his money if you make enough. The objective here is to get the vehicle gone, not to cause a family split over a small sum of money so resist the urge to do the thing of trying to make this a revenge/teaching a lesson move.” ___a1b1
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – If you sold it without telling him despite all that’s happened and you having been more than lenient. I would suggest something more along the lines of “I have been holding this for 7 years now, you have XYZ period of time (max 6 months, but I would say 1-2 months be fair) to move it or I will sell it on as it’s still in my name and the $500 I’m keeping as the holding fee.”” warclonex
2. AITJ For Demanding My Tattoo Deposit Back After The Artist Refused To Tattoo My Neck?
“I am 19 and I want to get a neck tattoo.
I already have a few pieces on my body but nothing on my face or neck yet. I traveled to another state to be able to get a tattoo from a particular tattoo artist because I had done intensive research and I had also seen his work in person on two of my friends, so I knew he was the best option.
To be able to book a tattoo or consultation with this man or his studio, you have to be able to pay a deposit fee of under a hundred dollars (I don’t want to be too specific with the price in case anyone knows the tattoo shop I am talking about).
I got to the tattoo shop state, stayed with my aunts, and went for my appointment. I did my check-in, showed ID, then went to the tattoo artist, and he looked at me and asked how old I was.
I tell him my age. He walks out of the room to do something, comes back, and tells me that, as a father, he doesn’t think me getting a tattoo placement is a good idea. I am young, and this tattoo is going to limit my job prospects and how I am perceived (he even asks me what I want to do professionally).
I am thinking in my mind that this is none of this man’s business, but I still want him to do my tattoo, so I tell him I appreciate the advice, but I know what I want and the consequences, and I still want them.
This man who has tattoos all over his body and has done similar tattoo designs on other people is telling me that he doesn’t feel comfortable doing tattoos on me. He’s sorry, but there are other tattoo artists in the studio that I can consult with (in my mind, I think like the actual heck because I literally flew 2 hours to be able to get this tattoo).
Why would I want to consult his coworker’s work when I have only seen his work?
I was annoyed and demanded he give me a refund of my deposits because they were supposed to be subtracted from the tattoo, and since I did not get a tattoo, I want my money back.
He basically tells me he had no control over that and that I need to talk to the receptionist. The receptionist is saying it’s not possible, and I basically go off on the tattoo artist because he didn’t put on his website or social media that being a 19-year-old girl was an exception to getting a tattoo (the owner or a manager came and gave me my deposit back in cash to get me out of there).
I ranted to my cousin about this whole ordeal, and she felt like I was in the wrong for demanding my money back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but neither is the tattoo artist. A good tattoo artist will turn work down if they don’t feel it’s appropriate – and that can include doing head & neck tats on someone if they’re not already significantly tattooed. You’d probably get some interesting discussion on this in tattoo subs, with different professional tattooists being able to give you more information:” Bleepblorp44
Another User Comments:
“I SO wish the person that gave my then 19-year-old daughter her first ever tattoo on the entire left side of her neck of her then partner’s name had done the same. They were into bad habits and they broke up a month later.
She hasn’t been able to get a job for over a year. Laser removal will be long, expensive, and very painful with no guarantee it’ll actually work. YTJ because he did the right thing and offered for you to go to another artist. Just don’t do it.” Ok-Mastodon-888
Another User Comments:
“Depends on the terms of the deposit. If you were informed of a nonrefundable deposit, you’re on your own. Evidently, it’s a shop issue, not an artist issue. This is why you always speak directly with the artist before paying or booking anything.
The receptionist’s job is to simply organize bookings. Considering you’re a 19-year-old girl, the artist was looking out for you and you’re future. It’s rather idiotic to get a neck tattoo at 19. My partner is a retired tattoo artist after 15 years.
He limits my tattoos due to my age (25) because he doesn’t want me tattooed anywhere that can limit a prospective position. He has a bunch of tattoos from neck to toe, some of which he regrets. He deals with judgment over the tattoos & has issues finding regular work.” Reddit User
1. AITJ For Confronting My Husband's Family About Their Freeloading Habits?
“My husband and I are from entirely different cultures. His family has always been overbearing, especially his mother.
He has always helped them out financially or with food. He had 6 siblings, and his parents were always struggling.
This was fine until he was laid off from his good-paying tech job, and we had to start budgeting. He still gives his family money to the point that I already opened a nonjoint checking account, and I have my checks directly deposited there to make sure bills are paid.
I come home early from work, and his mom goes through our freezer and fills up bags of food for herself and her adult children who still live at home. I lost my temper on his mom, who has always been a homemaker, and told her to get a job and stop taking our food.
My husband, she, and I got into this huge shouting match after I spoke to his mother. How I’m not supporting an able-bodied adult who can get a job, and they need to assimilate into our culture now that his family lives here because food is too darn expensive for her to shop from my fridge.
This escalated to me being called names insensitive and worse. I packed two suitcases in front of his mother and I am staying with my family. I do not care if an eviction is on my credit report and I’m no longer helping out him or his freeloading family.
I have had lots of slurs towards me over the last few days when my husband has tried to talk to me about our debts, and I told him he could sue me, but I know right now he cannot afford the place we live in, the utilities or even food so I really don’t care about him or his freeloading family right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Groceries were just the final straw. He refuses to admit he can no longer provide for his parents and siblings and will put you both in debt to do so. Find a divorce lawyer, and make an appointment to discuss your situation.
It will help you to make the best decisions throughout the process.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Food pantries exist for a reason, and they’re a far better option for your inlaws than your cupboards.
It is now in your husband’s corner to figure out what matters to him. Normally I’d suggest counseling, but it seems like your budget may be too tight for that, so instead I might suggest that you each simply write a letter to the other to express your frustrations and what you each need for the relationship to continue.” BrewertonFats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, the main problem is with your husband (and spoiler alert, he’s not going to change), but I don’t fully subscribe to the “you don’t have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.” This woman is taking things from YOU without your consent.
Beyond the financial hit, she’s raiding your freezer, so food you’d expect to be there when you want to eat it is gone. That’s straight-up rude. If she and your husband’s adult siblings can’t afford food, they need to increase their income.
If MIL is able-bodied, she needs to work. You just stated the obvious.” fungibleprofessional
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