People Ask That We Go Easy On Them In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Sending My Mom To A Hotel?
“I (29F) live with my partner (32M ‘Hank’) in a 1000 sq ft apartment (2 bed/2 bath) in a warm coastal town. My mother (62F ‘Mom’) lives across the country in a cold area. Mom respectfully asked to visit for 1 week this January to spend time with us and escape the cold.
Hank confirmed that he is happy to host her, and we agreed on dates for her visit. Mom purchased her plane tickets independently with the understanding that we would host her throughout her stay. I used 20 hours of my limited vacation time to spend time with her because I see her so rarely these days.
Important context: Mom has a severe drinking disorder (Hank is aware and has a lot of empathy for her because he drank too much in college and now has 10 years of sobriety thanks to AA). Please understand that heavy drinking is a vicious disease and not just a matter of willpower.
During her visit with us, Mom drank a handle of booze (1.75 liters) per 2 days. She slept away most of the daytime hours due to a hangover and was awake all night drinking. Hank is a light sleeper and wakes at 5 am for work.
His sleep was disrupted by her rummaging through the icebox to make cocktails. Hank was exceptionally patient because he knows the addiction is horrible and she might not be around much longer.
On day 4 Hank mistakenly drank from Mom’s glass.
Instead of water like he expected, he basically took a shot of booze. He kept his cool in front of my mom but privately told me that he can’t accommodate her anymore. It was too late that evening to get Mom a hotel, but I booked one for the remaining 2 nights of her stay.
I treated Mom to dinner and politely shared that it’s best if she stays in a hotel for the remainder of the trip. I assured her that it is nothing personal, just a matter of sleep schedules not aligning and the implications for Hank’s job.
I also gently mentioned that Hank accidentally drank her booze and it could compromise his hard-fought sobriety. I could tell she was upset and I felt awful about sending her to a hotel. I got her a nice hotel on the beach and upgraded her to a Marriott for night 2 because she was dissatisfied the first night.
I declined to spend the night with her at the hotel because I knew it would be impossible for me to sleep if she was up all night drinking in the same room. But I did reserve all day and early evening to be with her (even though she spent most of it asleep/drinking).
AITJ for initially agreeing to host her, then essentially kicking her out to a hotel midway through the visit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Hank has a right to feel safe in his home in regard to his sobriety. You created a boundary and footed the bill for her hotel and made yourself more accessible.
Heavy drinkers can be incredibly destructive to relationships and it’s a no-win situation but at the end of the day Hank is on the right path, you are building your life with him and while you are stuck in the middle you need to think about what is healthy and best for you and your future.
I hope that your mom will get the help she needs to control her drinking and good for you on setting limits to what you will tolerate.” mmobley412
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your mother.
You are way too accepting of her ‘disease’ and have completely removed all personal responsibility for her actions.
She decided to turn what should have been a bonding family trip into a drinking binge.
Even my heavy-drinking mother knows to stop/slow down her drinking when she meets with family, and she’s been wasted every day for the past few decades.
You aren’t doing her any favors by babying her. And consider yourself lucky you have such an accommodating partner.
Stop making excuses for her behavior and next time she comes to visit tell her she needs to be sober or not bother.
I don’t mean to come off too harsh but I’ve seen firsthand how unhelpful it is to let things like this slip over and over. Addicts have incredibly lowered abilities to empathize and will think little of how their addictions impact others.
If you let her walk all over you then that’s exactly what she will keep doing.
Also, you basically rewarded her bad behavior, you shouldn’t have upgraded her suite. Stuff like that allows her to deflect from what the real issue is, her drinking.” razkachar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sending her away, but you should not have changed her hotel. It is time to set some boundaries and actually give her some consequences for her actions.
‘Please understand that heavy drinking is a vicious disease and not just a matter of willpower.’
As a daughter of a heavy drinker, while I understand this, I also see that she has done nothing to slow down or change, probably because you didn’t ask her to do it. You are practically enabling her if you can not set your own boundaries for her to visit your house when you have a sober person there.” journeyintopressure
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
For bringing a heavy drinker into your sober home. As strong as your partner may seem/be, asking him to be around your mother while she uses a substance he works really hard not to partake in is very inconsiderate.
Your immense lack of awareness regarding this situation is just astounding. You lack boundaries with your mother, so much so you put your partner’s sobriety at risk. He should not have been the one to tell you she needed to leave.
You should have made that determination before she purchased her tickets.
She should have been in the hotel from the start.” User
20. AITJ For Being Sarcastic To A Rude Relative?
“My husband Max and I (28 & 26) are day and night. For some context: Max is rather quiet, serious, and sometimes a tad antisocial. I, on the other hand, love to meet new people, and sometimes struggle to get organized, and in general, while he is all smart, I’m the dodo, that gives you an idea of how our household runs, LOL.
While we have the means for something on the bigger side (he does accounting, I do marketing), we have decided to settle in a tiny apartment, very cozy and clean, since we don’t want children, and a big house is pointless.
Max does house chores as he likes things tidy, and cooks too, since he is a very picky eater. I do stuff like getting groceries etc.
Max has been no contact with his family since his teen years, so my family is all we have.
We go to family dinners, BBQs, etc, we just never host because our apartment is small. My family had an issue with how we handled things for our engagement and wedding. Max and I don’t have rings, one day he just casually asked if I wanted to go to the courthouse so I could legally take his name, I said yes, and that was it.
My dad, particularly, had this crazy wedding dream for me, where he would walk me down the aisle, etc, I can tell he has not forgiven that the dream was taken away from him, but we are happy so who cares?
Today, we went to get lunch with my parents and extended family for a cousin’s birthday. My cousin’s mom, my 57-year-old aunt, started asking Max a lot of questions that were very nosy, like if we were having trouble getting pregnant, or if he had a job.
I could tell my husband was annoyed so I stepped in and changed the topic, but as soon as I went away to help in the kitchen, my aunt started harassing my husband with stupid questions about our house, and our lack of rings, implying he didn’t make enough money for such things, and that he had to compensate this by doing chores.
When I went back to him, Max was seriously upset, still wanting to be polite by keeping quiet, yet my aunt was not done, babbling about her son (the birthday boy) and how he was making 200k+ a year and how she expected her own salary to be raised this year, to which I replied:
‘Gee, I am so happy you have a job you love, can’t see myself getting a raise at that age, not even working in fact! We expect to be reading and sleeping in by the time we turn 40, guess we are just so lazy that early retirement is the only thing we aspire to.’
Max looked so pleased it was worth the sour look on my aunt’s face, she went away immediately to tell my dad right away, he came up to us to demand we apologize or leave right away, to which we grabbed the second option with my husband stating we would not want to upset our gracious host. After we left we started getting nasty messages from my cousins and my parents, demanding an apology from my aunt for ‘ruining the party’.
I don’t think I was that rude, but I would like your judgment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how you live is no one’s business. You both sound like capable adults that are on the same page with regard to what you want out of life.
You shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone for not being willing to conform to a lifestyle that they may not approve of. Sounds like your dad doesn’t realize either that your wedding is about you and your husband, not his fantasies.” Shogayaki5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that was brilliant!
You shut her down so hard she had to scurry off and tell your dad! What a mean-spirited, toxic, old busybody! I’ll just bet she went after poor Max because he’s the quiet type, she didn’t have the guts to say anything to your face.
You continue to wade in when you’re needed! Your lifestyle is your choice and no one else’s. You and Max seem happy, and that’s what matters!” Entorien_Scriber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your aunt was rude, to begin with. She owes both of you and Max her apology for starting crap when you finished her crap.
If they pester you for an apology, block them and go no contact for a while or whatever you feel is right. You and Max chose the life you both want to lead, good for you. Rings are just symbols of marriage, so some people don’t want the rings.
That’s fine. No big deal. No kids? So what? It is YOUR LIFE, not theirs. How much you guys make is none of their business. No house? Okay, so what? You both live under a roof of a small apartment, that’s important.
You both are happy, right? So stay happy and thumb at them.” MischievousBish
19. AITJ For Telling My Wife That She Posts Too Many Photos Of Her Belly?
“My wife (F 34) is currently pregnant and basically she’s been really ‘marketing’ it on her social media, almost every story she has or posts involves showing off a photo of her belly and I’m really fed up with it.
I’ve had to work a lot more, some weeks I’m not home for a good chunk of the week, I used to feel pretty happy checking her stories, what she’s up to, what’s she doing with our girls, etc. However, it’s just boring and the same.
Even her friends are starting to get fed up with it, she recently posted a picture that was just her smiling and one of her friends commented ‘You look lovely, glad it’s not another belly pic’.
I decided to talk to her about it and told her I would really prefer her to tone down posting photos of her belly, everyone knows she’s pregnant and I would really prefer if she would go back to what she did before.
We got into an argument, her saying it’s her personal account, ‘Don’t watch if you don’t like it’, ‘I don’t understand what it feels like’ etc, etc. Now she’s kinda in a little huff and not really communicating with me.
I can understand she’s very excited and happy being pregnant and is pretty bored being out of work, however, I really felt I needed to tell her to tone it down, I don’t want her posting our child’s face all over social media either.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to police her internet behavior. She’s not doing anything obscene or disrespectful to you. Sure, it’s a bit weird to some, but that does not give you a right to overrule her wishes. You aren’t her dad.
You disliking something she does is fine, but that’s as far as it should go in this case. She’s not harming anyone or disrespecting your relationship.
Maybe instead of trying to control the behavior you should ask her why she does it.
What does she get out of it? Is she doing it because she’s really proud of what her body is doing? Does she feel insecure about it? Who knows, but if it really is this important to you, you at least owe it to her to try to understand her point of view.” dragonair907
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s her body and her account. She’s allowed to be excited and ‘market’ her belly.
If you’re concerned about this behavior extending to excessive public pictures of your future kid, then you need to sit down and talk with her as soon as possible.
When the kid is out and about then you should 100% have a say in how public everything gets. Discussing this ahead of time is a good idea. For now, just let her find joy in the experience.” StarlightGardener
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Her belly. Her account.
Her belly doesn’t belong to you. It also doesn’t belong to the baby. Not sure why people think that women become community property to be bossed around while pregnant.
While my opinion is that posting tons of belly pics is weird, that doesn’t matter here because it’s not my belly.
It’s fine to have boundaries you mutually agree on for posting pics of your actual child when it arrives.” MeanestGoose
18. AITJ For Outing My Bully?
“I (m19) was bullied ever since I came out (I’m gay) in 2018 by a group of boys. At the time I spoke with teachers and counselors and my parents did as well but they did nothing to stop it.
One of the guys who I’ll call ‘Tim’ was the worst. He would follow me around, calling me names and making inappropriate remarks like asking if I was a ‘boy or girl’ and stuff like that. Again, nobody said anything to him or any of the other guys.
Honestly, I’m not even surprised now since that was a small town in a very conservative state. I was called into the principal’s office once and he told me that I should stop complaining about my classmates because obviously they wouldn’t hurt me or try to touch me inappropriately because they are straight.
After graduation, I went to a college that was out of state as I wanted to get as far as possible from my hometown. Unluckily for me, when the school year started I ran into Tim, he had chosen the same university.
He tried to become my friend for some time until I told him I didn’t want him to be my friend and quite honestly didn’t even want him to talk to me. We live in the same dorm and sometimes we run into each other, but I asked him to ignore me.
A few months after he messaged me and asked me to meet up with him because he wanted to talk to me, I assumed he wanted to apologize for the bullying maybe but as I said, I didn’t care for his apologies so I told him everything was ok between us but I really didn’t want to talk to him.
Ever since I started running into him more than before, I thought I was paranoid because this guy scares me a lot, but basically, he confirmed it once. He told me he recently realized that his s*******y wasn’t what he always thought and he also realized that he was always ‘playing’ with me because he actually liked me.
I wanted to say something else to him, but as we were in a small place and alone I told him that was rough but I wasn’t interested and he should look somewhere else.
That happened like nine or ten months ago, and ever since he has been making my life miserable again.
He follows me around and I’m scared, I tried reporting him but since he lives in the same dorm as me I don’t have enough proof to make them think that he’s following me. I’m scared he might hurt me.
And as nobody’s believing me I exposed him on social media with some messages that he had sent me and some photos I took of him following me. Some of my old classmates follow me and the news about Tim being gay had spread in our hometown.
I haven’t seen him around lately.
A few days ago he messaged me and told me I ruined his life because now his family disowned him, along with some other stuff. I feel bad because I know how hard it is to be queer in our hometown.
I really didn’t think about this before exposing him, I feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he hadn’t bullied you in high school none of what happened afterwards would have occurred.
If he had left you alone in college after you told him you weren’t interested in his apologies or in being his friend none of this would have happened.
If he hadn’t started stalking you when you declined his advances none of this would have happened.
You posted in an effort to protect yourself and to stop the stalking.
Again, all this is on him & you would not have had to do this if he hadn’t bullied you initially, if he hadn’t stalked you in college, & if he had left you alone after repeatedly being asked, none of this would have happened.
Karma, you have to love it. How ironic that the bully to a queer man, has now become a queer man who has been disowned & bullied by his own family.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He bullied you in high school and was harassing you in college.
You were scared he would hurt you but the school wouldn’t do anything about it so you did. You protected yourself when no one else could/would.
It’s unfortunate that it included outing him but, again, he was harassing you.
What did he expect would happen? That you would just sit back and do nothing while he followed you and made you afraid for the entirety of your college life? Nope. He sounds like an awful person and you did what you could to protect yourself from him.
I would keep everything and go to the police though, schools can’t do as much as the cops and he seems like the type to escalate because of this.” NJtoOx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’d be one thing if you just exposed him for revenge.
That would be cruel and wrong. But he was following you and threatening your safety. You released that information to add context to why you believed your life was at risk. Stalking is a serious thing, and it’s often related to intimate partner violence and toxic masculinity.
You were just showing that indeed it was related to those things (even though he was never your partner, it shows that he had a romantic intention and soured).
OP, I hope someone is taking your concerns seriously. It’s often brushed aside even for women, so I can’t imagine the authorities taking this behavior seriously for men, either.” DNA_ligase
17. AITJ For Saying "If"?
“My sister (26) and her husband are going on a trip next week and are leaving their dog with me (22). I’m fine with taking care of the dog.
It’s only a minor inconvenience. But I told her offhand, ‘If you have kids someday, I’m not going to babysit them on a moment’s notice like I babysit the dog.’ And I’m serious. I don’t want her to have kids thinking that she has a default babysitter in me.
Babysitting a kid is a whole different level of work.
She got mad at me because she says I’m ‘taunting’ her about her infertility. Which I didn’t even freaking know she has. My mom told me my sister had a miscarriage a few years ago.
But that’s all I knew. I didn’t know whether or not they were still planning on having kids and it’s obviously none of my business, so I said ‘if.’ She also gets mad at my mom for pressuring her to have kids.
So I feel like it was a no-win situation and she’d be mad even if I said ‘when’ too.
Should I have said ‘when’ or should I have just said nothing at all? Or maybe I should’ve just shut up and taken care of the dog without protest. AITJ for saying ‘if’?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think YTJ for making that comment in the first place. You don’t even know if they’d ask you to babysit their kid if they had one, so complaining about it before it’s even happened is jumping the gun.
Now, if they do have a habit of asking you last minute to dog sit for them and that annoys you, you can politely let them know ‘Hey guys, I’d prefer more of a notice if you want me to look after your dog from now on.
It’s disrespectful and irresponsible to ask me last minute.'” Valkrhae
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You, because it was an unnecessary comment. She wasn’t asking you to babysit future kids, she was asking you to dog sit (which you can turn down if you want to.) Why would you just assume that she would be the sort of person who would try to drop off their kids with no notice?
That’s essentially accusing her of being an inconsiderate and rude person.
Her, because I don’t think you’re a jerk for saying ‘if’ I think she is reading too much into that. No one knows the future. Everything is an ‘if.'” Stan_of_Cleeves
Another User Comments:
“Leaning towards YTJ on this one. Not knowing about infertility is one thing (though knowing about a previous miscarriage + no current children SHOULD give you some insight to not bring up children carelessly; ‘know your audience’ as they say)… however, this topic should never even have come up, and it is your fault that it did.
Instead of sitting your sister down and having an adult conversation about how you would prefer more of a head’s up before being asked to watch her dog, you instead decided to be passive-aggressive and make a nasty comment about a hypothetical situation.
Apologize and try civilized communication next time.” SageSanctum
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I mean honestly, I don’t understand why it needed to be said at all. It just feels kind of petty. Your sister doesn’t currently have kids and isn’t pregnant.
There’s no reason to throw out an ultimatum that isn’t even a concern right now and may never be. If she gets pregnant, you can address it then but why make a big deal out of something that could be hurtful and may never happen?
I do think your sister is overreacting claiming that you were intentionally taunting her about her infertility. She sounds… difficult in general to say the least.” anthony___fell
16. AITJ For Ruining My Dad And His Partner's Relationship?
“I’ve (17F) known my father’s partner (34f), N, for almost 3 years. She has been the central mother figure in my life. Since I’ve known her, she has taken on the role of my mom & I even call her ‘mom’ since my actual mother has made no real attempts to be my mom.
I have seen N as my ‘mom,’ until recently.
Recently, N & I have been butting heads. I’ve done everything I can to make her feel welcome. I buy her candy, I make conversation with her, I involve her in my life, & I talk & hang out with her kids (who I still see as my siblings).
I do everything in my power to make sure she feels welcome. I am afraid of her, as every time I enter a room with her in it, I feel uncomfortable & afraid of her presence, despite that, I still do everything I can to make her feel comfortable.
Today I found out that she is blaming my brother & me for her not feeling happy here & that she might leave my dad because of my brother & me.
My father when telling us this said he will drop my brother & me like ‘bad habits’ if we are to cause his relationship to fail & N leave forever.
I feel extremely guilty. As today I started to yell & raise my voice at her because she was blaming me for something I did not do. Which she has done in the past, including blaming me for ‘causing’ my father & her to fight because I answered my dad’s question innocently & was dragged into their drama.
I did not think all of this would cause her to punish my father & think of actually leaving.
I love N, it’s just been hard recently with her because she has 0 trust in me & refuses to believe me on anything, she also admitted that she refuses to parent my brother & me.
I feel awful & honestly, I’m terrified for the future. For one, my dad might kick me out or disown me if she says I am to blame for her leaving, & I might lose the one mother figure I have while also losing my relationship with my dad, with whom I’ve only had a relationship for 5 years.
I’m terrified. I have no idea if I’m actually to blame here. I’ll take full responsibility if I am, I just would like clarification. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your dad and his partner are doing to you is emotional, mental, and verbal mistreatment.
You’ve said yourself that you’re afraid of her. If you call child protective services and frame it like that, they’ll listen. Unfortunately, it seems like the woman favors her own kids over you & your brother, and Dad’s on that bandwagon.
I’d hate for you and your brother to go into foster care, but if you have no other adults to turn to it may have to be like that at least until you and he are 18-21.” sharirogers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not ruining anything. Being a teenager is typically a challenging time for both the teenager and their parents. Unfortunately, neither of your parental figures is showing you true parental love. You shouldn’t have to try so hard with N.
If there is any way you can get therapy or counseling, I highly encourage you to do so. (Maybe through school?) It would be helpful for you to have a person like that in your life to help teach you what appropriate parent/child relationships should look like and to help you deal with the emotional fallout of the challenges in your life.
As much as you want these two to be loving parents to you, it may not be something they are capable of, and you may have to let that dream go. I would look for other stable adults who are willing to give you emotional support.
Maybe getting closer to a friend that has really awesome parents and will welcome you like a family member?” miss_sassypants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad’s partner is upset at her relationship with your dad and it’s not actually got anything to do with you or what you have done.
It may be that she didn’t want older kids in the mix and wanted to play happy family with just her kids and your dad. So didn’t want his kids along for the ride, but she’s stuck it out for 3 years.
You aren’t butting heads with her. She is butting heads with you. She may not want to tell your dad the real reason she is unhappy (something to do with him) so she is protecting herself by blaming you.
She may also be a wicked witch.
You’ve only been with your dad since you were 12. Why was that – who did you live with before that? I’m guessing your mom left you with someone. But why weren’t you with your dad? Did he not know about you or did he not want anything to do with you and your brother till forced to?
None of this is your fault. You have been traumatized by what has happened in your short life and you haven’t got an adult in your corner yet. Your dad is not a good dad if he’s saying what he’s saying.
If his partner leaves he will probably blame you and your brother but neither of you has done anything wrong but he won’t want to acknowledge the real reason for the break up which is completely between him and his partner.” KitchenDismal9258
15. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My Parents' House To Babysit My Nephew?
“I (27f) was asked to babysit my nephew (4) for a few hours as my mom couldn’t because she had other plans. My sister (24f) was a teen mom and had my nephew at 19.
She currently lives with my parents and has split custody with her baby daddy. In order to help my sister take care of my nephew, my mom who is a full-time employee takes every Monday off to watch my nephew.
My mom asked me if I was available to watch my nephew as she had plans to go out of town. I said of course since I don’t work Mondays as I recently transitioned from a full-time employee to being a full-time student.
My sister called me a few days before taking care of him telling me that she was going to drop him off at 7:30 am as she has to be at work by 8:00 am and I told her that’s totally fine I will be awake at that time anyway.
My nephew HATES waking up early as he usually wakes up at 10 or 11 am so my sister said he is going to be half asleep when she drops him off and I told her oh no worries he can sleep in my room and we left it at that.
About two days before I watch my nephew I went to my parents’ house to visit my parents with my partner (they only live like 2 mins away from me). My mom was telling me that she doesn’t think my sister should have to get up early to get ready and have to wake up my nephew so early in the morning.
My mom constantly complains about my sister not being a good mom and always having to clean after her, feed her and my nephew, etc. she told me that I should either come to the house before my sister leaves and wait for my nephew to wake up or come pick up my nephew before my sister leaves to not inconvenience her.
I told her no I already discussed this with her and she told me that she was going to drop him off at 7:30 am at my house.
My mom said that my sister shouldn’t have to go out of her way to drop off my nephew.
I stated that I only live a few blocks away and I didn’t understand the problem. We got into a heated argument and I decided to leave. I get a text about an hour later from my mom that I no longer need to watch my nephew as they found someone else to take care of him.
So am I the jerk for refusing to drive to my parents’ house to watch my nephew?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After you agreed to babysit and had a plan in place with your sister, your mom interfered and wanted to change it up.
Why does she think it will ‘inconvenience’ your sister to get up earlier to bring your nephew to your place but thinks it’s perfectly fine to expect you to get up earlier to come to her house? It makes no sense.
At any rate, you no longer have to watch your nephew, so your day has opened up!” PositiveCharacter920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You had an agreement with your sister, the kid’s mother. Your jerk mom decided you were clearly not catering to your mom’s and sister’s needs enough.
So she decided to butt in and switch sitters.
Good luck finding a sitter who will be willing to go over to their house that early.
Your mom was clearly the jerk here, because she wanted you to come over early to their house, even though that was not what you agreed with the kid’s mother.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were doing them a favor by watching your nephew for free. If you want help you make life easier for the person helping you. You don’t make that person’s life more difficult. If your mom wants to cater to your sister and nephew then she can you don’t have to.
And in a year your nephew will be going to school. The teacher isn’t going to come to your mom’s so your sister doesn’t have to go out of her way to drop him off at school. And the teacher isn’t going to wait till your nephew gets up at 10:30-11 to start class.” gramsknowsbest
14. AITJ For Telling My Fiancée To Drop One Of Her Bridesmaids?
“My (23M) fiancee (22F) and I are supposed to get married this April. Now my fiancee has 6 bridesmaids confirmed for the wedding, while I only have 5 groomsmen. Why is this an issue you may ask? Well, I have OCD, which makes me a perfectionist and prone to get fixated on certain details, and I become very anxious/uncomfortable if I can’t fix these details after my liking.
This is one such instance: I really wish to have the same number of groomsmen and bridesmaids at our wedding and I really tried initially to find a sixth groomsman, but I’m not a very sociable person with a large group of close friends and so I couldn’t find anyone else fitting of the position.
That’s why I decided to ask my fiancee to drop one of her bridesmaids from the line-up. I thought she’d understand my side cause she knows how much I struggle with OCD, but instead, she blew up at me about using my condition to control her and alienate her from one of her friends just to conform to my demands.
I feel like she’s a bit unreasonable, she’s not even that close with 2 of her bridesmaids, so she could easily drop one of them from the bridesmaids’ line-up and just have her attend the wedding as a normal guest without too much drama, plus she should want for her own groom to be comfortable during the wedding, which I’m afraid I might not be because of this unbalance between the number of groomsmen and bridesmaids which would eat at me and make me anxious/stress me out for the entirety of the wedding.
But it seems like this time my fiancee is refusing to see my side and is putting her foot down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, your OCD is not an excuse to ask your fiancee to alienate her friend. Yes, she should want you to be comfortable, but you should want her to have her friends around her and be comfortable, too.
Emotionally manipulating her is trashy. If this aspect of the wedding will really eat at you, you need to seek help for your OCD rather than ask your fiancee to disinvite her friend. Stop beating around the bush and address the root of the problem: your OCD.
The presence of her friend is not the problem.
YTJ.” JosieJOK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is not fair to ask your fiancee to drop one of her bridesmaids just because you want to have an even number of groomsmen and bridesmaids.
Your OCD is not an excuse to control your fiancee or dictate who she can have in her wedding party. It is important to respect your partner’s relationships and friendships, and asking her to choose between you and one of her friends is unfair and unreasonable.
Additionally, it is not fair to expect your fiancee to prioritize your comfort over her own and the comfort of her friends. You should try to work through your OCD and find ways to manage your anxiety without compromising your fiancee’s relationships or the wedding party lineup.” ErikTheChampion
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It is not her responsibility to manage your mental health. Please seek whatever necessary therapy or pharmaceutical treatment.
A wedding is not a Broadway production. These people are not props. They are your nearest and dearest who you pick to honor saying ‘I can’t imagine getting married without you standing by my side.’ You get to pick your people.
She gets to pick hers. They do not need to be even and you do not get to judge the closeness of her relationships or otherwise control who she picks or ask her to damage her relationships for the sake of even sides.
So, figure. something. else. out.” AmishAngst
13. WIBTJ If I Post About My Graduation?
“I (23f) graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in accounting last year at the end of the year. My graduation is approaching and I’m excited to celebrate graduating. However, my friend (25f) told me that I shouldn’t post anything because it would hurt her.
After all, she and many others weren’t privileged enough to get the opportunities I did and it would hurt her (she failed high school and hasn’t done anything since). She’s insecure about the fact that she failed. I kinda get where she’s coming from but also feel a bit offended by it because I didn’t pass well in high school so I did two courses over 3 years which would make me eligible to do the degree and I also had to get a job while studying full time to help pay for things.
During all this time she hasn’t done anything besides chilled at home as her parents pay for everything. The more I consider it the less I feel like posting or even going to my graduation. I never told her about how I feel but she keeps telling me how unfair graduations are for people like her and that she also deserves to be celebrated because she’s had it way harder than people like me who are handed opportunities.
WIBTJ if I go to my graduation and post about it regardless of how she feels?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is not your friend as she is imposing the most ridiculous argument possible. Every person has an opportunity to attend college if they not just put an effort towards it but also have determination.
The fact that she chose to sit at home on her parents’ dime all this time has ZERO to do with what you wanted.
You spent some years working hard to reach YOUR goal. You sacrificed a lot to achieve it.
Now is your moment to shine, and you should ABSOLUTELY go! Please post photos and shout it from the rooftops if you choose to do so.
I am one of 10 siblings, and I am the only one to graduate from college.
I am super proud of my accomplishments. DO NOT let someone else take away from your thunder, and please make sure you attend commencement.
NTJ!” anaisaknits
Another User Comments:
“Handed opportunities my butt! You worked to graduate! Whether school was hard for you or not, you had to put in the time and effort.
She could have gone to a trade school, got her GED, and all sorts of things in the same amount of time. But like you said, she chose not to. And now she wants YOU to not post about your accomplishments because it will hurt HER feelings?!
Get out of town!
NTJ, never the jerk. Always toot your own horn with crap like this. You graduated, you worked hard, post the photos and show off a little. If she’s salty over it, she’s not supportive and not a real friend.
Period.” Minute_Expert1653
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is though. She has her own insecurities to work out and should work on herself if she wants to be celebrated. You worked hard and deserve to post whatever you please and shouldn’t have to feel guilty and second guess yourself.
If she gets mad that’s on her for being a selfish friend and not cheering you on. It won’t just be about this, usually, they always find a way to make situations about themselves.” kmhekd
12. AITJ For Refusing To Move The Kids?
“I am extremely close to a cousin, and he is the closest to a sibling in my life, myself not having any sibling.
So naturally, when he got married, I was super excited to welcome a sister into my life. My SIL is, however, not as excited as I was, and I get that. So the first time I got a cold vibe from her, I stepped back and apologized to her for overwhelming her.
This happened a year back, and after this incident, we hardly met up a few times, and each time, we were civil. SIL is, at best, aloof from our family, and my cousin thinks that is because she comes from a completely different background, and her family was not as large as ours.
I am not sure if it is necessary to mention this, but we are a South-Asian family (cousin and I belonging to the 2nd generation), and SIL is white.
We later came to know that SIL does not like kids.
Our family has a lot of them (my kids, as well as the kids of other cousins), which is why she gets overwhelmed. So she started coming to our get-togethers less often, and we get that. She was always invited, but she would politely decline every time.
Coming to the main topic, my cousin will have to relocate to a different continent for a year and wanted to visit me once before leaving. He offered to come over to our place with SIL. I told him that they were always welcome.
But SIL informed me that she wants to visit just us, and she doesn’t want to be with the kids (I have 2, 5F and 2M). She just wants us adults. I offered that we could go out for dinner. She refused and told me that she wanted to drink and let loose.
I told her that if she wants to come over to our place, then she is always welcome, but the kids will stay. I told them that the kids go to sleep by 7:30, and we can catch up after that.
She refused to do that as well.
She wants us to keep the kids at some friend’s house (we have many in the neighborhood). I told her 1) that I am not comfortable with keeping such young kids away for the night, and 2) this is our house, meaning the kids’ house as well, and that she is the guest. So we get to decide if the kids stay or not.
Now SIL thinks I am a huge jerk for refusing just one night of fun.
AITJ here? Should I have just listened to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s your home, and perhaps even more importantly, it’s your children’s home.
They shouldn’t be made to leave their own home just to accommodate SIL’s wishes. That’s their sanctuary and their safe place, and that shouldn’t be compromised by her selfish demands.
You were very accommodating and patient with her, she just refused to compromise and only wanted her way.
I hope this isn’t indicative of how her marriage will be with your cousin, because I imagine she wouldn’t be a pleasant partner.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this woman is so out of line. I’m actually annoyed with your cousin too.
Don’t give him a pass – he knows this about her and is allowing it to affect his relationships with you and the rest of the family. If he wanted to see you badly enough (or your kids, who are also his family) he would find a way but is choosing not to.
I won’t even restrict my cat’s location for guests because it’s their home first. I can’t imagine asking someone to kick their small children out of the house so they can come over and drink.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
SIL is making some pretty outrageous requests of someone who obviously has 2 small kids. It might be different if the kids were old enough to have friends to go sleep over at or whatever.
If you want to spend time with people that have kids, you have to make exceptions for the kids.
Sorry, that’s just reality. And that’s coming from someone who doesn’t have kids.
Sounds like SIL has more going on than feeling overwhelmed by kids. I don’t really enjoy being around kids all the time but I can definitely do it once in a while if it means I get to spend time with people I care about.
Plus how much does she want to drink and cut loose, where she can’t go to a restaurant?” JessTheGeek
Where was your cousin in all this? What was he saying? I hope they have plans to not have kids.
11. AITJ For Wanting My Family To Move On From My Wife's Comment?
“We had baby 1 about 6 mo ago and we are thinking about baby 2. Labor wasn’t easy but there weren’t complications. However, my wife was anxious for the whole 40 weeks until delivery. At a family reunion, my wife said we were thinking about trying for baby 2 but was nervous about dealing with the anxiety of labor again.
My sister said, ‘After a while, you don’t think as much about how much it hurt because you are so overwhelmed by how it feels after.’ My wife said ‘Thanks, but you’ve only been through it once so it’s hard to know how you’d feel doing it a second time until you do it.’ Then the conversation moved on.
On the way home, my wife said that BIL didn’t talk to her much during dinner or dessert, which was weird because they brought the food and he seemed to talk to everybody but her. I didn’t notice.
3 weeks ago, we saw my mom, dad, sister, and BIL again. BIL wouldn’t look at her, and only answered her with one-word answers but was friendly with everybody else. It was noticeable and made my wife very uncomfortable.
I called Dad to ask about BIL.
That’s when he mentioned what my wife said to my sister at the reunion really bothered him and BIL. He told me he thought it was insensitive but BIL thought it was cruel, inconsiderate, and hurtful because my sister has had a lot of miscarriages.
I was shocked because I didn’t get the impression that comment caused a problem and didn’t even really remember it being said until Dad mentioned it. I said what my wife meant was that she hadn’t had to face the anxiety of a second delivery like my wife will if she gets pregnant.
Nobody was making a comment about my sister’s miscarriages, it didn’t even occur to my wife at the time. My wife didn’t mean to hurt feelings, just conveyed that my sister’s comment was a little insensitive.
In hindsight, I see why my sister could have been hurt by what my wife said. Her losses were rough on her and BIL. My wife didn’t know my sister during that time and my sister and BIL kept a lot of their struggles private so I’m not even really sure of all they went through.
However, I know my wife didn’t mean it maliciously. I also think given that my sister and wife have gotten along really well, my sister should have assumed that there wasn’t malicious intent or talked to my wife or me directly if she or BIL were upset or at least left room for an apology to fix things.
It’s causing a lot of strain between my wife and me but also my family as I’ve stuck up for my wife several times. Mom is more forgiving, but Dad and BIL really aren’t. Yesterday, it led to another uncomfortable day together.
Today my wife called Dad and BIL to apologize and explain but somehow it has made it worse. Now my wife is saying until she’s treated better by BIL and Dad, she won’t go to family events. We’ve always been close to my family so this is a blow, but I’m feeling like while I get their point, it’s time to let it go.
AITJ for thinking my sister and BIL are finding fault with an innocent comment from my wife?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your wife should have called to apologize, not apologize and ‘explain.’
Regardless of how she meant it, that was a hurtful thing to say to someone who has lost multiple pregnancies.
She basically said her opinion doesn’t count because she hasn’t carried to term a second time.
Any ‘apology’ that is an explanation runs the risk of making the issue worse. And you’re both focused on how your wife couldn’t possibly be malicious instead of the actual situation – her words hurt your sister.” madelinegumbo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister made the kind of comment that many women make about labor & delivery, which is more or less that labor is painful but having the baby makes the pain worth it. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard some version of it.
Your wife made a comment that was at best insensitive to a woman who’s had a lot of miscarriages, & it could easily be taken as meant to remind her that despite getting pregnant several times, your sister has only delivered a living baby once.
There’s no reason to see it as an innocent comment especially now that you’ve been told how hurtful it was. Yet you persist.
Your wife has been told & yet she persists in seeing herself as the wronged party.
You & your wife are both jerks. It’s not hard to apologize. Your wife only has to say, ‘I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have said that. I hope you will forgive me.’ And then shut up and let sister and BIL talk.
I suspect she tried to blame them for their reaction & then made the situation worse.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“Your wife said she had anxiety about birth and your sister has a one-sentence answer to attempt to make her feel better.
Suddenly you jumped on the defense and basically implied she had no place in having an opinion without a second child. Seems like she really wants a second child. It was cruel. Your sister also had no malicious intent but you seem really happy to hold her accountable for her words.
YTJ.” 14ccet1
10. AITJ For Telling My Stepbrother To Get Over Not Getting The Family Business?
“My (25m) stepdad has a gardening business. It’s normally just him but over the years my brother (18m) has been a big help and worked for him a lot.
The clients love my brother, he has a good work ethic and gets the job done properly and quickly. My stepbrother, on the other hand, has worked for our stepdad a handful of times, every time his work was sloppy and slow, and he spent the majority of his time on the phone so stepdad never hired him again.
Recently stepdad has been sick. His body is just giving out on him and our mum is forcing him to retire before he harms himself from work. He wants to give the business over to my brother since he has the work ethic and the rapport with the clients like him (my brother is basically our stepdad’s mini-me.
LOL).
My sister, my step sisters, and I are all okay with this since we feel our brother deserves it with the work he put in and how he helped build up the business. Our stepbrother on the other hand is mad and thinks he should get it since he is his biological child.
I know I keep saying stepdad here but that’s just for clarity’s sake and he is very much our father and couldn’t care about biology.
When our stepbrother was having his little fit about it I told him to get over it and that he can’t even hold a normal job let alone run a business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your stepfather’s business so he is the one that decides who is the person to give his business to. This person should be someone with a good work ethic, someone that knows the workplace and knows his customers.
I can see how your stepbrother was not an option, since he wasn’t that dedicated to that work, meanwhile, your brother dedicated himself to the work – even becoming so similar to your stepfather. LOL. It could be hard words to your stepbrother, but he needed to listen to it.” Uni_Tra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He has every right to be mad just as your stepdad has every right to give his business to someone else. There is no one on earth who’s going to watch their birthright be given away and not have a negative reaction to it.
This decision will most likely cost your stepdad his relationship with his (bio) son, which I’m sure he is very aware of. It’s a big decision with big (lifelong) consequences. No that isn’t something he or anyone else would just ‘get over.'” ArabMagnus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Out of anyone he could give the business to, your (step) dad gave it to the one child who currently works there, which shows he has a head for the business, and shares the same passion as he does for the business.
I’m sure they’ve had tons of conversations about what your brother would like to see happen to help the business thrive in the future and these are all things that led to your dad making this decision.
It sounds like his health forced him to make this move now, but he has probably had his mind made up about it for a while.
It sounds like your stepbrother was the only one in the room that was even remotely surprised by this decision. Stepbrother definitely needs to get over himself because even if none of you (kids/stepkids) had taken any interest in the business, I’m pretty sure he still wouldn’t have gotten the business due to his actions.” Own-Preference-8188
9. WIBTJ If I Hired A Babysitter For My Maid Of Honor's Baby?
“My maid of honor has two kids, one is 7 and is an absolute darling who will be my flower girl, the other is 1.5 years old and CHAOS, adorable but a little gremlin.
I’m talking non stop screaming, wild child, who is really wearing down my maid of honor. For nearly the entire duration of this kid’s life, the only time my maid of honor has gotten silence is when he is asleep, which is seldom.
He is consistently doing chaotic baby things to the umpteenth degree, like if you’re cooking and he is on the floor, he’ll face plant into the dog food or knock over chairs or find anything he can to break, knock over, or throw.
I love the kid but he is a LOT.
Just this morning my maid of honor broke down sobbing when we went to breakfast because the baby maybe slept 3 consecutive hours, wouldn’t stop screaming, and threw his little baby bowl of fruit at the table next to us, covering the stranger next to us in watermelon goop & whipped cream.
He completes his chaotic routine with this pterodactyl scream that lasts about 15 deafening seconds. I love this kid, but he can be a lot.
My maid of honor is a professional nanny and art teacher for a living, so she’s tried everything, he’s just built differently.
It’s a child-free wedding outside of the two kids. She has pretty bad post-partum depression, and you can see she’s at her wit’s end.
Would it be weird to offer to pay for a sitter to come to the wedding, pay for their dinner like a regular guest & like $350 to help, or is this out of bounds?
I want her to be able to relax for one day and still have the baby around, just not having to corral this chaotic child with baby shark every 4 minutes until she pulls her hair out. It wouldn’t be a big financial burden or anything, but I want to know if this would be rude to offer.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, it’s a sweet offer and you’re not trying to just get one kid to not come, you’re offering her support at the event. Even when my kids are on their best behavior, it’s difficult to really be mentally present at an event while also caring for them, and it’s usually pretty clear whether the offer of help is due to judgment or understanding that kids are hard work.
It says a lot in your favor that you’re offering help at the wedding instead of offering help to keep the kid away from the wedding.
I would still be mindful of how you frame it, though. Tell her you want her to be able to enjoy herself without having to worry about maid of honor stuff and her kids at the same time and offer to hire someone to come to the wedding and help with them, step out with them for a couple of minutes if needed, free her up to use the bathroom or help you with dress emergencies, etc. Her 7-year-old may be well behaved but she’s still young enough to need supervision, so I’d include her in the whole thing as well, not focus on just the youngest.” ADHDFeeshie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s very considerate and loving of you. I’m not sure if you meant offering her $350 on the side but I think that really depends on your relationship with her because that might make it feel like you’re giving her charity.
The babysitting idea is great though as well. I would bring it up to her when it’s just the 2 of you and offer it and ask if that’s something that would take some weight off her shoulders.
As a mother, I would feel really seen if someone did that for me.
Just be aware she might not jump all over it because as a mother it can be hard to let someone else watch your child, especially a stranger. But either way, I would offer the babysitter, she might really appreciate it.” lilmrs-t
8. WIBTJ If I Report My Dad To The IRS?
“I (19) live with my parents and two younger siblings. (oldest sibling moved out recently). My father (62) has been taking his and my mom’s (44) joint tax refunds every year.
This is $10,000-15,000 a YEAR. He then sends it back home (country of origin) to build a house there, presumably for us to live in. We visited last summer, to check out the progress. It was literally just bare-bones, and piles of dirt.
He has been sending funds for over a decade, by the way. Not one of us intends to live there or move there in the future, except for him.
Our family has lived in public housing for 14 years. 6 people have been squished in a 3-bedroom for FOURTEEN YEARS.
We have been trying to move for years, but every place is too far a commute for him, or too expensive for him. We don’t even receive Section 8 anymore, so he’s paying the full rent where we live either way.
My mother has cooked, cleaned, worked, managed to get her Associate’s, and raised 4 children since marrying my father. Meanwhile, he can count the number of diapers he’s changed on one hand, can’t cook, and doesn’t know how to clean anything.
She currently works more hours than he does and is always employed, with 2-3 part-time jobs at a time. He works part-time at a job that pays less than mine.
In spite of this, he complains about paying for rent, his own car expenses, groceries, and literally any amount he has to spend.
My mom and I get to hear it all the time. He’s fully capable of getting job training, going to school, and furthering himself in literally ANY way. But he mooches off my mother and sends THEIR funds, which she’s never seen a cent of.
He’s making terrible financial decisions, and it’s destroying everyone else’s spirit. But that’s not the point. He files their joint taxes on his own, signing for her (the actual crime). The funds then go into his account, and he sends it across the world.
WIBTJ if I reported the crime he was committing to the IRS?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you wouldn’t be the jerk and I can completely understand why you would want to do this. Now, it would probably cause some legal problems for your mom as well if they were to get audited. You would have to have definitive proof of him forging her signature.
Chances are she would stand by him and say it was hers and the IRS audits and risk the IRS finding anything that would possibly get them both in trouble. Best to just move out.” IntelligentBasket575
Another User Comments:
“First off, anyone who gets a $15,000 tax refund needs to change their tax withholding.
That’s over $1000/month that they could have every month instead of making an interest-free loan to the government. Second, what happens to your parents’ taxes is their business, not yours, & it’s only the tip of the big iceberg in the situation.
Your issue seems to be that your father takes enormous advantage of your mother, & she goes along with it.
As the wage earner, she has a lot of power that she chooses not to use. For example, she could have her funds direct deposited into an account that only has her name on it.
She could change her withholding so that she doesn’t overpay & there is no refund or only a small one. As long as your mom lets your dad control & mistreat her, getting the IRS involved doesn’t fix anything. It seems likely to me that if the IRS even took an interest in this, your mom would protect your dad & say she did sign the forms. YWBTJ.
Getting the IRS to pay attention to your parents won’t fix the real problem.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But there is little point in doing this as it’s only going to impact your mom. Your dad is going to take it out on her and you guys seeing as you live in his home.
What does your mom want to do? She would be better off divorcing him and you moving out with your mom and your younger siblings. Your dad would have to pay child support for them but who knows whether he will.
If your mom wants to stay with him and be mistreated like that… well that’s on her. It will be her and your siblings that suffer. You need to move out.
Your dad is a jerk. Pure and simple. He is financially abusing you all.
He’s either gambling, spending the funds on unsavory things, or having a second family overseas. The suggestion of doing an ancestry DNA test might be eye-opening. You should consider that. They will likely be unaware and if they are not, they too are jerks.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ 100%
He’s your father. Would you seriously report your own father to the authorities over something like this? Have some morals, will you?
That said, you won’t need to report him, he’ll be caught eventually. IRS does not mess around.
I’d stay out of it 1. He will blame you forever and 2. It’s your dad. Unless he murdered somebody, you’re the last person that needs to be reporting him for anything. Have some loyalty to your b***d relatives. Good god.” urban_soothsayer
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Eats Too Much Junk Food?
“My (M32) partner (F29) has recently been going through a stressful period at work. Unfortunately, one of her coping mechanisms is to eat lots of comfort food to relax and calm herself.
When I say lots, I mean like two large fries and two large burgers in one sitting several times a week.
I am worried for her health because she eats a lot of saturated fat and sodium-rich foods, which is awful for her heart since she already has prehypertension and high cholesterol.
I tried asking my partner if I could help her destress in other ways like making hot baths for her, doing yoga with her, or cooking healthier versions of her favorite dishes at home, but she refuses all of my solutions and tells me to leave her alone.
I also suggested that we go to a dietitian or that she discusses these issues with her therapist and/or primary care provider, but she got extremely mad at me over these suggestions. She refused to give me an explanation when I asked why she was so averse to getting help.
It’s been really frustrating and depressing to see her become more unhealthy. She’s lost her energy, gained weight, can’t sleep properly, and is generally more irritable. Yesterday, she binged on four large fries after work and came up to me and started complaining about her stomach hurting (for the fifth time this week after a binge.) I told her we could go to the doctor, but she got mad at me immediately for suggesting that.
I really lost it because it’s like I can’t suggest anything to help her because she’ll just get mad at me. She started complaining about the pain again and I told her that ‘Maybe you would feel better if you didn’t eat so much junk.’ She started crying and screaming at me for ‘fat-shaming and belittling her.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are watching her give herself pain with food and refuse to address it. You should have seen the thread where the poor girl with IBS ate pizza one time (!) knowing it could make her sick, it did, and then her partner was enraged that she had to cancel plans to see his mommy and everyone was on his side.
Because people want to see fat phobia in your actions here, you’re being vilified.
Your partner has a pattern of harming herself with food, it’s making both of your lives worse, and people just want you to enable her.
She is binge eating, complaining about pain, and attacking you for suggesting so many kinds of things (cooking for her, suggesting someone to talk to that isn’t you, etc.). Don’t listen to these people. You have approached this issue with love.
If she doesn’t want to address her disorder, don’t feel bad for leaving.” lascivious_chicken
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ. It sounds a lot like a binge eating disorder, your partner is obviously soothing with food, and until she acknowledges this is a problem she’s going to think of what you say as an attack on her.
Shame is a big part of eating disorders, she eats a lot and feels guilty and ashamed which in turn causes her to feel worse about herself and the cycle starts again. While your concern is coming from a good place all your approach of suggesting she eat healthier meals and be more active is likely adding to the shame she’s likely already feeling.
She needs professional help which you can’t give her, what you can give her is support.
I would reach out to her family and discuss your concerns. Don’t make it about her weight or about the types of food she eats being ‘unhealthy’.
Discuss the problem which is binge eating, your concerns about her having an eating disorder, and figure out a way to help her get the help she needs. Best of luck to you.” onlysweeter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – aside from the food issue, I’m more concerned about the state of your relationship.
Your partner is stressed and is coping in a way that is incongruent with how you handle your stress by binge eating.
She’s incommunicative, her behavior frustrates and depresses you. She has less energy, she can’t sleep, she’s irritable. She complains about the effects of her behavior but doesn’t have enough self-awareness to see she’s causing her complaint.
You don’t feel like you can suggest anything. Any attempts to help her – she pushes her anger/blame on you.
This is just me – but I would probably end the relationship. She sounds really unhappy and she doesn’t seem to emotionally or mentally be ‘in’ your relationship.
She’s not acting like a partner. She’s not trying to help herself.” DragonFireLettuce
6. WIBTJ If I Want To Do Our Camping Trip My Way?
“So I (37M) have an amazing wife (39F) and 2 amazing little kids.
I grew up in Brooklyn, NY. My parents were immigrants and we didn’t have a lot growing up. We weren’t poor by any means but we still couldn’t do things like afford a house with more than 2 bedrooms or go on family trips.
I never left the state of NY until my senior year of high school. It didn’t help that I got a sports scholarship to a Manhattan private school and I always heard of their luxurious vacations and felt a little jealous.
But every spring break my dad took me and my two sisters to this campsite in upstate New York. We slept in tents, went fishing, made s’mores, and had a great time.
My wife is from a very wealthy New Jersey suburb and grew up spending vacations abroad or in Florida.
Our different upbringings don’t affect us that much usually. We both have very well-off jobs and can give our girls a very great life.
Usually, we take our kids on luxurious cruises and vacations. But this year I suggested to my wife that on spring break we go camping so I could give the kids a little taste of my childhood and she said yes very excitedly.
But as much as I’ve tried to explain to her what I want it to be like she doesn’t understand.
First, she was looking through these insanely luxurious RVs with separate rooms and TVs. I explained that was way more than we needed and we could just sleep in tents.
She was appalled at the idea. So then she found this very upscale family camp where we could stay in cabins that were basically mini-mansions and eat in a cafeteria that looked like a 5-star restaurant.
I’ve tried to explain as nicely as I can that I don’t want this to be a luxurious vacation.
I found a nice campsite we can go to but all the lots are outdoors and she was not okay with that. I tried to compromise and found a family camp with cabins that were more laid back and she was also grossed out by that.
I feel like she’s not willing to compromise at all and it’s making me sad because she gets to share her childhood and have nostalgia through her experiences with our kids all the time but the second I do it’s a problem.
I feel like she’s incapable of relinquishing control and usually I’m ok with that but I wanted this to be my thing. I want to tell her that I want to do this my way or just take the kids myself like my dad did.
But I feel like this would also make me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I imagine your wife was the one meticulously planning your prior luxurious trips, as that’s her forte. I’d tell her that you expect her to take a back seat for the planning this time and let you do your thing, just as you have allowed her to do prior times.
If she continues to argue about her own comfort level regarding the camping plans you want to make, I think you should go ahead and tell her straight that she isn’t required to come, and that this is something you want to do specifically for yourself so you can bond with your kids YOUR way.
Assure her that it’s not like her presence would be a nuisance and that she is more than welcome to join, but that she cannot dictate this specific trip. You shouldn’t have to compromise on everything.” Rin_Salamander
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re conflating two things that don’t necessarily have that much to do with each other. One is sharing your experiences with your kids. You should definitely do that, & I bet even your wife agrees with that.
The second is camping. A lot of people don’t like camping. It’s got nothing to do with control or nostalgia or any of that. Many people don’t like sleeping in a tent or cooking outdoors. Suggest that you start small.
Let your wife stay home & take the kids by yourself for a couple of nights of camping at a nearby tent campground. See what your kids think of it & how much you like it as an adult. If you have fun, maybe next time your wife will join you.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pick a time when you and your wife are relaxed and won’t be interrupted. Then explain to her how special your childhood camping trips were, and how you want your kids to have the same experience.
Acknowledge that she might not find this kind of camping enjoyable, and ask if she would prefer to stay home while you take the kids on this trip. Also, encourage her to do something she really enjoys while you and the kids are gone.
This could be visiting a spa, touring museums, or whatever she likes.
You didn’t say how old your children are. Make sure whatever activities you have in mind are appropriate for their ages, abilities, and interests. If you do get to make this trip, listen to your kids.
If they enjoy everything, great. If there are things they really dislike, keep that in mind, so that if you get to do a second trip, you can skip the stuff that didn’t go over well.
Don’t issue ultimatums to your wife or your children.
The idea is to have fun together as a family.” 4TheLonghaul731
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your wife should be able to do a better job of understanding and supporting what you are trying to do, you are totally right about that.
However, you need a little more awareness that you are planning a Spring Break family VACATION. Your kids work in school, your wife works, this is supposed to be a break where everyone has fun. This might be your idea of fun, but I get the impression it is ‘character building’ for the rest of the family.
So I would suggest you ease up and find the right occasion and duration for doing this – perhaps not spoiling everyone’s Spring Break, but a 3-day weekend or something.” CobraPuts
5. WIBTJ If I Move Out After My Roommate Tried To Increase The Rent?
“I (26f) live with my best friend (27m) of 10 years. He will be referred to as W from this point on to make it a bit clearer. We have been living together for almost two years and it has been great.
We got along and only had a few arguments which I feel is normal, but nothing outrageous, until a few days ago.
A couple of months ago W asked me how I felt about having a third roommate. I gave him a clear answer of no. I’m not comfortable with that for a couple of reasons such as we only have 1 bathroom and this other roommate would be male.
I’m currently in the tiniest bedroom and said 3rd roommate would get the biggest. W understood my point and even offered me the biggest room. Now fast forward to a couple of days ago.
W bring up 3rd roommate again but this time it’s not a discussion.
He says ‘I talked to 3rd roommate and he seems serious so I don’t know when I’ll have him move in.’ I ask right away, ‘So this isn’t an if it’s a when now?’ W says yes. I was already thinking about how could he do that without discussing it with me first. We both pay bills directly down the middle and I had just as much right to have valid input on these things, but he just made that decision alone.
Fine. Financial troubles suck and if this would ease some then I can deal with being a bit uncomfortable. There was also the bonus of having rent and bills split 3 ways so that’s a plus.
The following day I mention to W about moving my stuff upstairs.
W begins to explain that whoever moves upstairs is getting charged 100 dollars extra because the space is bigger. The rent is 730, split is 365, so I say, ‘That means I would have to pay basically what I’m paying now?’ W responds with ‘No you would have to pay 465.’ I ask W how much would I have to pay if I just stayed in my current room.
And W says I would still have to pay the 365. I go to say that’s unfair and that they have already said I can move upstairs. W responds with ‘I can’t change my mind!?’
W starts to yell at me saying they do everything from washing the dishes, shoveling snow, and taking out the trash and that I just sit on my butt all day.
He says that life isn’t fair or ‘that’s life******* up’ and that the world doesn’t revolve around me. A little context, we both believe that if you make a mess you clean it up. I absolutely never wash the dishes because I do not cook or use the dishes.
If I’m not ordering takeout I buy paper plates, forks, bowls, spoons, etc. because of this exact reason. If I do use a dish, I wash it right away always. When W cooks he uses every single dish he can, as well as getting the kitchen as dirty as humanly possible.
W told me to not shovel the snow because of my known back problems. I absolutely do slack on the trash and I admitted that and apologized for that.
I decided to move out in 15 days or less. I don’t plan on telling him but I’m not gonna hide it either.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – No issues with moving out, but you should give him notice. Sometimes roommate situations run their course. You can choose to not live together anymore without torching the whole friendship.
Out of curiosity – Do you have a formal lease or rental agreement?
This would be important for two reasons: He may not be in a position to unilaterally make decisions about additional tenants or changing rent amounts without your consent or at least proper notice. It might also dictate any contractual obligations you have around terminating the agreement.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like you’ve somehow managed to get into an abusive marriage without actually getting married. W seems to have decided that since you are female, he must be the ‘man of the house’ and is expecting you to treat him as such regardless of how you feel about it.
He expects you to clean up his mess and just always be okay with his decisions. Not to mention the fact that he’s trying to profit off a property that he has no claim to. He’s already using intimidation and manipulation to get what he wants and the situation will likely escalate if you keep living with him.
Talk to your stepfather and get this guy out of that house. W has no written rental agreement, so he doesn’t actually have much of anything he can use to fight getting kicked out. Paying the rent entirely on your own would probably be less stressful than continuing to live with this guy.
Have him use the old ‘I’m selling the house so you both have to move’ lie if it makes things easier, just beware of the fallout if W finds out about it.” invisible0one
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You need to talk to your friend. Find out why costs are going up. In any roommate situation, there is always going to be a primary person on the lease or who owns the home. If he owns the house then taxes, homeowners insurance, and things like that may have increased. Being his roommate does not necessarily mean you split everything down the middle.
On another note, he should have come to you to discuss what is happening and why it’s important to increase the rent. Also let me tell you, no matter which price he has you pay, that’s still cheaper than anything you’ll find for rent and utilities included.” Gotz2BReal2MySelf
4. WIBTJ If Ask My Husband To Take On All My Chores While I Go Through Recovery?
“I am married with 2 kids (2 and almost 6), I have always taken on most of the child-related load and about 80% of the mental load.
Household chores are divided 50/50. We have similar wages and finances are shared equally.
About the coming event: I am scheduled for surgery next Friday. The surgery itself isn’t huge or complicated but recovery can be rough, especially for the first 2-3 weeks where I will most likely be on bed rest for the entire time, and total recovery will be about 6-8 weeks.
For 6 weeks I am not allowed to lift anything heavier than 5 kg (about 10 lbs), and not allowed to do most chores in the home (I can fold laundry and put it away, do the dusting, and assist with cooking), and not allowed to sit for long periods of time.
I have made a deal with my boss that as soon as I can I’ll work from home, which should hopefully be around the time I finish my days of paid sick leave.
Little more background: Last summer my husband had to have emergency surgery with a similar expected recovery as my surgery, but he was able to go to work 4 weeks post-surgery.
While he was at home my kids were home all day since their daycare closed for summer vacation (a standard procedure where I am from). So I had to take care of hubby, kids (then 18mo and just turned 5), and the home.
If I needed some assistance from him it was in the form of sending one kid to him with a book and asking him to read for the kid so I could do things like cooking with only one kid around.
After the kids went to bed I did whatever chores I had not been able to do during the day. The only outside help I got was having a cousin come once a week to vacuum since that is something I can’t do due to a back injury, in between I just dry-mopped the floors as well as I could.
About the issue: I want my husband to take the same load now as I did when he had surgery so that I can focus on recovery. It would even be less since kids are in daycare during the day and hubby will be at work (so less overall cooking and cleaning).
But knowing him and the kids, I will still carry most of the mental load and the kids will seek out staying in bed with me to cuddle. This will most likely overwhelm my husband and make him anxious because he has not had to have this much responsibility over the kids and home before.
WIBTJ if I stay firm on minimizing the amount of time the kids stay with me in bed to what is absolutely necessary, and just not do the mental load and let him figure it out on his own? (I would of course not let this risk the welfare of our kids).”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
You have become the ‘default parent’, and that can absolutely make you feel the way you seem to feel in your post. You do everything, the kids expect more from you, and you’re experiencing guilt from having him pick up some slack.
Here’s the thing, no one should ever be the default parent. You both made the kids, you both took vows (that whole ‘sickness and health’ thing is real) and you both have to be able to do the exact same things for the kids and house when necessary.
You’re having surgery, you have to rest, and it sounds like you’re not really planning on much rest anyway, which is never good. Let yourself heal, let him take over the kiddos, and definitely try in the future, even when you’re better, to break out of being the default.
It’s early enough that it’s still possible.” crueldoodle
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Make sure to discuss it with him in advance, and be flexible and non-judgmental if he gets more outside help than you did.
If you can afford it, consider hiring a nanny or someone to do some of the housekeeping if you think you will feel less guilty and worried about your SO, or if you think that realistically you are going to end up taking on more than you should.” amiablecuriosity
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
You will be recovering from surgery. That must be your family’s top priority. Just as it was when your husband recovered from his surgery.
If this means your husband will be overwhelmed, that’s not nearly as important as your full recovery.
Just as it was when he needed to recover. He must deal with it. Only for a few weeks. Just as you had to.
I agree 100% here. As much as possible, try to dump the mental load. You need to focus on healing and recovery.
Your husband is an adult and the father to these kids. He needs to step up when needed.” bmyst70
3. AITJ For Buying My Daughter's Uniform In A Larger Size?
“My daughter’s (f14) school has a new addition to the high schoolers’ school uniform. It’s a different top because many students started changing tops as they desired, so the school changed the design and colors to suit most students’ tastes.
The sponsored shop is close to my workplace, so she gave me her old shirt to get the same size for her. This shirt was a little too small on her, so she had to wear different shirts under the school’s jacket, and she did get warnings from the school twice before so I got her something 2 sizes bigger (which was also the size recommended for her height and weight on the list) so it could fit for longer but it wasn’t too big either.
My daughter got really upset when she tried it on and said that she wanted something fitting. I tried to explain that they will have her change it anyway or give her warnings, but she’s insisting, and my sister is agreeing saying I should at least change it for a size smaller (which isn’t much of a difference from the original size) and that this will lead her to become insecure about her looks which is never my intention.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What world do we live in when a parent questions whether they are a jerk for being a good parent and doing what they ought to be doing? Kids are not adults and have parents for a reason.
The brain isn’t even fully developed until the mid-’20s. They are prone to poor choices and bad judgment hence… parental guidance even if it makes them sad, angry, upset, etc… even if they have to experience uncomfortable feelings or disappointment.
Even if they suffer the perils of not getting their way. YOU are the parent. Not the child.” Pumpkin-cake-pie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you surprised your daughter with a shirt 2 sizes bigger cause you think hers is too small. It didn’t have to be a surprise.
She gave you her shirt so you could get the same size. You could have told her then that wasn’t going to be happening. You also could have gone up one size. She’s the one that has to wear the shirt every day, it should fit her in a way that makes her feel comfortable.
If my mom did that to me at her age I would think she was shaming me and telling me to hide in a shapeless sack. I’m not gonna ask you about your daughter’s body but this is the vibe I get from your post. Exchange the shirt, bring your daughter with you, and let her choose.” mostlyjustlurkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The warnings from the school should have been enough to clue your daughter in that she shouldn’t expect to get the exact same shirt size that she had been wearing. It would be impractical for you to spend money on a brand-new garment that wasn’t going to pass muster with the school because of the sizing.
On that basis alone you have justification for not going with the size she wanted and going with the size recommended for her height/weight. Especially if she is still growing, in whatever direction.
Insecure about her looks is not the issue.
Your daughter wants to wear form-fitting clothes that make her feel attractive; newsflash, uniforms are not designed for that. Possibly you should directly address with her why she wants shirts two sizes too small, why she thinks that’s appropriate, and if she is getting some kind of positive attention that is reinforcing that desire (not from school admin giving the warnings) before you have other problems. Boy-shaped problems.” Intelligent-Pie-5947
2. AITJ For Being Unable To Travel To My Brother's Wedding?
“My older brother (26m) told my parents and me (22m) and our other brother (34m) he was planning on flying across the world to propose to his partner about a month ago. Their ceremony is in 2 months.
I moved out of my parent’s house about 6 months ago, where both he and my other brother still live, and I just started having car issues, so money’s a little bit tight on my end.
I also just started a new job, and due to probation, I don’t have PTO (paid time off) yet, nor will I in May when he plans on having his ceremony.
I can’t afford the $1400 plane ticket, hotel costs, and not being paid for the week my family wants me to be there for.
I told him that, and he seems to understand, but is also understandably hurt by that.
My mother and other brother, as has been their custom since I moved out, keep telling me how awful I am, and how I’m selfish for ‘refusing to be at a once-in-a-lifetime event’ for my brother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I don’t know why people who plan destination weddings think that everybody is going to be able to make it to them. As well they’re entitled to their feelings in being upset that you won’t be there however they are not entitled to emotionally manipulate you about it.” adventuresofViolet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the risk people have when they have destination weddings. You should not risk your job and your financial health going to this event. Your mother and brother are being selfish by not seeing things from your perspective and not being sympathetic to your position.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Living within your means does not make you a jerk.
If your parents keep laying the guilt on you, put it back on them. Tell them if they were really concerned about your disappointed brother, then they can pay for the tickets.” Youwhooo60
1. AITJ For Not Sharing My Trust Fund With My Pregnant Half-Sister?
“I (F23) have a half-sister, Kylie (21), who is the product of one of my dad’s affairs. Her birth resulted in my parents splitting up. Mum remarried two years later, and my dad moved away shortly after the split and wasn’t really a part of my life.
I always knew about Kylie but I only met her when I was 16 through my father, and while we saw each other a few times over the next few years, we never developed a relationship.
For most of the past two decades, my father has been a gambling addict.
He never had much of a stable income, and definitely not a stable lifestyle. Because of this, my grandparents fulfilled all the financial stipulations in his divorce. They paid for my education, paid child support to my mother, and set up a trust fund which I got when I was 21.
This was all an unofficial arrangement, and they did not do this for Kylie. I met my fiancé at 19, so I have never used any of the funds in the trust fund.
Two weeks ago, I was at my dad’s for dinner (we live in the same city) and he said that Kylie had asked for my phone number.
I said it was okay to give it to her. My dad also mentioned that Kylie is now pregnant.
A few days after this I got a call from Kylie. She explained that she is working a minimum wage job and living in accommodation that will be unsuitable when she gives birth.
She said that since I had a trust fund that she also should have got, I should split it with her so that her child doesn’t have to go through what she did. I was totally blindsided by this and said I would think about it.
She called me every day after that, saying how she had a lot of expenses now she was pregnant and guilt-tripping me saying the family owes her.
I talked to my grandfather and he said while it’s my trust fund, he thinks I’d be an idiot to hand out large sums to someone I don’t know and who only wants to know me because she wants financial help.
Ultimately I felt he was right and told Kylie I wouldn’t be splitting anything with her. She started screaming at me, calling me selfish and spoilt, and basically dumped 20 years of trauma at my door because I had the audacity to be born.
She also said it will be my fault if something happens to her baby or if he/she grows up poor. I hung up the phone and cried.
My grandparents and fiancé say I’ve done the right thing. My dad said he’s offered to give Kylie some help but he doesn’t have access to the kind of funds in the trust fund because of his addiction, but he says I’m not to blame and that Kylie isn’t my responsibility.
That said, the things she said about her life and about her child’s future were so awful I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t think I’m the jerk for not wanting to give huge amounts to a stranger, especially one who was so demanding and rude to me, but I also don’t like to think I’m punishing an innocent unborn child for who their mother is.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kylie could have worked to build a relationship with you before. Or could try now? If she doesn’t, or if it doesn’t work, perhaps you can be a generous auntie to her child.
But your grandfather is right.
You would be crazy to give in to her demand to simply hand a bunch of funds to a stranger. You are not responsible for Kylie’s situation, or her decision to have a child. And you will not be responsible if she chooses to raise the child in poverty.
You know what would happen if you gave in? The funds would be gone tomorrow and she would be back at your door asking for the other half of the trust fund.
Kylie should be working to build relationships for herself and her child with you, your grandfather, and any other relatives who are willing to speak to her.
She missed out on a lot growing up as an affair baby, but she could work on making things better instead of blaming others.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, it is her responsible, why did she get herself pregnant if she had such a bad situation?
And why isn’t the father or his family paying? You don’t owe her anything at all. That is just the way some people try to gaslight others to give them funds because they themself made bad life discissions. You are not punishing an innocent child, you just don’t give your child to a stranger.
‘She called me every day after that, saying how she had a lot of expenses now she was pregnant.’
This shows that the funds would never reach the child. She (might) will throw all of it away before the child is even born.
If you want to help the child. Maybe buy him/her some kind of baby-starter box when she/he is born. With baby clothes, diapers, a binky, milk powder (if needed), and a baby blanket. It’s not much, it is what some countries are giving new mothers and it would go directly to the child.
And make the start (a little) easier if the mother doesn’t have to pay for those things. But as said, you don’t owe them anything.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you probably realize that Kylie will not stop at getting any amount out of you.
If you give her $2K, she will be back in a month or two, demanding more, and she will be much more vicious the second time around because she’s learned once that she can wear you down.
Kylie has no relationship with you and didn’t seek a relationship with you until she learned about the trust fund.
She doesn’t want to be a sister. She wants money.
Kylie’s baby is not your responsibility. Where is the father of the baby? Where is Kylie’s mother? Where are Kylie’s grandparents on her mother’s side? Ultimately if with all of these resources, Kylie still felt the baby would grow up in poverty, she could give it up for adoption and wait until she is older and in a more stable situation before getting pregnant again.
But my guess is she is not going to do that because the path of least resistance is to call and scream at you and try to get her claws into the trust fund. Don’t give it to her.” avocadosdontbite
