People Wonder If They Can Ease Their Minds By Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Letting My Ex-BILs Spoil My Daughters?
“My ex and I (44f) divorced when our daughters (Stacy 17f and Emily 14f) were young. About a year after the divorce, he passed away. My ex was paying child support but that stopped the day he died. The girls inherited their father’s estate but since he was fresh into his career, it wasn’t much.
Things could have been rough as a single mother but his brothers stepped into his shoes.
They took the girls on the weekends and basically bought the girls anything they needed from clothing to school supplies and bought our groceries. They also indulged the girls’ every whim.
Stacy loved horses when she was little so uncle John paid for her lessons and riding fees. Emily thought she wanted to play the piano so uncle Jeff paid for her lessons and bought her a piano. When the girls grew out of those phases and got interested in something else, their uncles were there ready to indulge them.
I tried talking to the uncles about not spoiling my girls but they said that their nieces needed to explore their own interests and those explorations will help their brain development. I disagree but was not in a financial situation to push too hard because they were paying so much for the girls, I was basically responsible for only the rent.
I later remarried a wonderful man who brought 2 kids into the family. We had 1 more kid together and things are good for the most part. However, kids are smart so my daughters’ step and half siblings started to notice their sisters having more experiences and things than they do.
My husband didn’t like the situation and we had some arguments about it over the years. Things came to a boiling point recently when we were discussing how to pay for our two oldest kids’ colleges (Stacy and her stepbrother Rick 18m). Both are good students and while they haven’t gotten their acceptance letters, I have no doubt they’ll get into good schools.
My husband and I make enough money to live a middle-class lifestyle with 5 kids but not enough to put them through college. The reality is that they’ll have to take out school loans. We talked to both of them about loans and this is when I found out Stacy had already talked to her uncles and they’re paying for her tuition and cost of living wherever she wants to go.
This floored us and made my husband extremely mad. He got red and started to scream about how it’s not fair Stacy and Emily will get to go to expensive colleges and graduate with no loans while our other kids will have to go to state schools and take out loans.
He wanted me to call John and Jeff to tell them to stop spoiling the girls. On one hand, I agree 100% with my husband that it’s not fair to my other kids but on the other hand, I can’t hold my daughters back from something so wonderful.
In the end, I told my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters. Was I wrong to tell him that?
Update – I was at work and without my knowledge, my husband called John and yelled at him to mind his own business, told him we don’t want their money, and to stay out of our lives.
My husband then went and yelled at the girls as they packed their bags and as they were leaving for their uncle’s. When I got home, my husband wanted to call the police to report them as runaways but I talked him out of it.
I went over to John’s house and his wife led me to the kitchen where we stood in silence watching John holding my girls while they cried.
For a minute, I pictured their father holding them. Stacy and Emily refused to talk to me when they walked past me on their way upstairs to their room.
John and I had a long conversation about the whole situation. He basically told me he was doing what his brother couldn’t and that both I and my husband can get lost if we don’t like it. He said the girls should stay with him and his family until things calm down and I agreed. So this is where we are for now.
My husband makes less money than I do so he’s been unable to save up for college tuition.
His ex is still in the picture and has visitation rights. She makes less money than him so has nothing saved up much less tuition.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband literally got mad about a generous gift that doesn’t involve him, and it actually financially benefits everyone, whether he’s ready to admit it or not. Having two of the kids paid for will benefit even your stepsons, because you will have more of an ability to help, cosign for a loan when it’s just one not two, etc.
He literally wants that help refused, to the absolute detriment of your daughters and the family, in terms of finances and relationships.
If his kids suddenly came into some inheritance from the mother’s side of the family, ask him if he would force them to share it with your girls.
Everyone knows the answer here…” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband and you both need to cut this crap about your daughters being spoiled though. It’s not spoiling kids to help them explore their interests or to pay for them to launch their lives debt free.
Just because many won’t have those advantages does not mean your ex’s brothers are wrong for offering them to your girls. They don’t need to suffer and struggle or be unfulfilled until everyone else has equal access to those advantages. You shouldn’t let your husband’s petty jealousy infect and intrude on you raising grateful and driven girls who will make the most of the resources being offered to them.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Life isn’t fair. Your husband is being absolutely ridiculous. Stacy & Emily lost their father – that isn’t fair. While it’s wonderful that their uncles have stepped up to make their lives easier in his absence, I feel fairly confident that they would much rather have had their father alive and in their lives all these years.
Your husband sounds like a jealous and bitter jerk. If he wants his children to live a certain lifestyle, it’s his responsibility to provide that lifestyle. Sounds like he shouldn’t have had that 3rd child with you if he wasn’t even financially capable of providing the 2 children he already had with the material goods and experiences he thinks they deserve.
Bottom line – he has no right to complain or even comment on what Stacy & Emily’s uncles do for them. It is absolutely NONE of his business. If anything, he should be grateful! I’m sure their financial assistance has taken a great deal of financial responsibility off of you and HIS children have only benefitted from that!
Tell your husband to grow up and start taking responsibility for his own decisions and failings as a father. Tell him to stop whining about what other people’s children have and do something to provide his own children with the things he thinks they deserve.
Get a second job. Get a higher-paying job. Start making sacrifices by spending less on whatever he spends on his own hobbies etc.” BringBackBowie
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Wedding Dress To My Sister?
“I (26f) and my sister (29f) are getting married very close to each other. Since we always were very close, we wanted to do everything together, however, we agreed to do separate wedding dress shopping at different stores since we have similar tastes and didn’t want to start an argument.
I went first and picked out my perfect dress. It’s a gorgeous sleeveless mermaid dress. I love it so much and cannot imagine getting married without it on.
Later my sister picked out her dress. To show our dresses to each other, we put them on and walked out at the same time.
After she saw my dress, she looked so angry. It turns out that a dress very similar to mine was her second choice and after seeing it on me, she wanted my dress.
I said no because I had already gotten mine altered to fit me exactly and the other dress she wants to trade me isn’t worth the $1,200 I spent on my perfect dress.
(her dress, while beautiful, is only worth $600 and she isn’t planning to give me my $600 back.)
She looks so beautiful in her dress and I think I look good in mine. I really don’t understand why she can’t be happy with what she picked. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is being a self-centered, entitled brat, and it’s most definitely because (in her mind) you look way better in your dress than she does in hers, and feels you will overshadow her own wedding.
If she comes at you again with this, tell her where to get off and to grow up.
I’d also ask your maid of honor and/or your bridesmaids to make sure that she does not come around you with any red wine or colored drinks on your big day. I can see her as the type who will try to ruin your dress and day out of spite.” Bjnboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would have your dress under lock and key or have someone trusted that your sister can’t get in contact with to store your dress! Jealousy can make her do stupid things that can damage your relationship. And also have friends on the lookout on the day of your wedding to keep an eye on your sister to make sure she doesn’t do anything to try and ruin the dress and your wedding when the day comes.
But also be prepared that she will go to your parents/family and complain that you won’t give her your dress and take hers instead. And have a speech ready when they come knocking on your door that it will cost $1200 + $x for a rush order to get a new dress and if they are not willing to pay then stop bothering you about the dress because your sister doesn’t want to pay for the dress difference but wants a $600 gift from you that you are not willing to give!” Mom_2_gurlz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got your dress and got it altered to your body. Nope, you don’t need to trade. That’s her dress she bought for 600. That’s the only dress she should be wearing to her wedding. It’s kinda weird that your sister wants your dress.
Seems like an ‘oh you look good but I’d look better’ thing. If she was really interested in changing her dress she’d go back to the second choice that looks like your dress but is not actually your dress. Stand your ground girl. Good luck with your marriage.” Constant_Computer_62
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Rotate Dish Duty?
“My husband’s best friend since second grade recently moved in with us until he gets on his feet. Let’s call the best friend John. He doesn’t have a job, so he doesn’t contribute to rent/expenses or anything which is fine we knew what we were getting into.
I also recently became unemployed so since my husband is the only one bringing in money, I help out around the house as much as possible. This entails cleaning the house, taking out the trash, doing the laundry, and cooking meals for the three of us.
The only responsibility we expect of John is to clean the main bathroom once and a while and do the dishes.
Additional context in case you were wondering, we’re moving across the country in two months, which isn’t enough time to warrant me getting a permanent job where we live now.
Well, last night my husband approached me saying that John would like to rotate dish duty between the three of us. (I’ve already expressed to my husband that I don’t expect him to do much of anything around the house given there are two unemployed people that can take care of that).
I told him that’s fine, but if we’re going to rotate that chore then we need to at least rotate the cooking between John and me as well because otherwise, it is unfair of them to ask me to do dishes on top of everything else when John doesn’t have any other responsibilities.
John doesn’t know how to cook which is why my husband explained that we can’t rotate that. I’ve offered several times that if he ever wants to learn to cook, he can help me make dinner. He hasn’t taken me up on the offer even once.
It seems like John is just trying to worm his way out of doing anything and I don’t think my husband can see it because of their friendship. Not to mention, I feel extraordinarily disrespected that my husband would even ask this of me because of how unfair it would be for me to do this on top of everything else.
I feel like John is trying to take advantage of me and my husband is going along with it. I hate living in my own home, please help.
AITJ?
Edit: What’s going to happen when we move? He will be living with us for the next three years while he and my husband are in school (both of them will be receiving a housing allowance from school at that point so financially he will be able to contribute) but yeah three years is how long he’s staying with us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly… this doesn’t sound like a healthy marriage. Either he and John are lovers or you are their mom. It seems like two brothers against the world kind of situation. Which is not suitable for a married man. You need to establish boundaries and make John understand that he is indebted to not just your husband but to you.
You have no obligation to take care of him, a grown adult. And your husband needs to understand that you didn’t sign up to adopt an overgrown toddler. So he too should be grateful that you are putting up with it.” Smart-Replacement479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. John should take care of his own personal space and belongings, and contribute equally to household chores. Please, don’t get into a routine where all the housework is ‘your job’ and the men occasionally ‘help out.’ There’s a lot of space between doing all the housework and doing barely any.
Their schooling does not free them of the basic adult responsibilities of managing their time, their home, and their personal belongings. You are already doing a huge favor by agreeing to share your marital home with this cousin, sacrificing some space and privacy. Do not allow the guys to treat you as a household amenity whose labor can be taken for granted.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t cook anything for him either. He’s neither your husband nor your child. He should be doing all of his own cooking and dishes, and you guys do your own dishes, and the rest of the chores you and him can rotate.
But since he is living with you for free I would delegate some of the housework to just him, it’s the least he can do. Maybe he will be so lazy about doing housework that it will compel him to look for a new place to live with his housing allowance.
Do not share groceries with him, do not cook for him…” M_Raquel
16. AITJ For Saying My Sister Is Selfish When She Announced Her Pregnancy At Our Parents' House?
“My husband and I have been having a long struggle with infertility.
We have been getting treated and trying for a baby since 2017. But nothing worked! My husband is understandably devastated as he’d always wanted kids but never got the chance to be a father.
He’s super sensitive about the infertility topic. This, my family, knows. Days ago, we got together with family for dinner.
All of a sudden, my sister and her husband announced that they were expecting. We were stunned, me and my husband I mean. As for the others, they were thrilled. As everyone got up to congratulate them. My husband got up, pushed his chair to the side, and walked out.
They all stared at me but I got up and told my sister she messed up by announcing her pregnancy like this and with 0 consideration for my husband knowing how he feels about this topic. She got defensive saying his ‘issues’ with the topic weren’t her problem and that she and her husband were fed up walking on eggshells around him.
I called her selfish and cruel but she complained that he ruined their joy and that I made it worse by making a scene. I told her she shouldn’t have chosen my parents’ house but she said I have no place to dictate what she does in our parents’ house.
My mom asked me to go home and I went.
It’s been horrible. My parents think I’ve reacted poorly and should apologize to my sister on both mine and my husband’s behalf after the scene we made at their home.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I have a great deal of sympathy for you and your husband struggling to conceive.
It can be devastating and I wouldn’t wish that struggle on anyone. I hope you’re both seeking mental health care to help you navigate your journey.
With that said, your sister and her husband announcing their pregnancy was not about you. It was about them.
And they’re allowed to celebrate it. I think your husband removing himself from the room was the right move for him at the moment but you had no right to call out your sister like that. She’s right that it’s not fair to them to have to walk on eggshells.
You did react poorly. Now it’s up to you to try to mend fences. And I think part of that mending needs to include a plan for how to navigate pregnancy and babies going forward. What will happen once the baby is born? Or if they have another child?
You need answers to those questions because this kid is gonna be sticking around and it would be extremely unfair to everyone to behave as though the child is anything other than a blessing.” JPenelope
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I get it. You and your husband have had infertility struggles and that’s awful and I’m so sorry.
But it’s also pretty awful to project that pain onto other people, especially at places and times where the conversation was not about you or your infertility struggles. Your sister has nothing to do with the pain you’ve gone through and she was just hoping you’d be happy for her.
Will you be getting upset at somebody every time anybody brings up babies around you?
And it’s TOTALLY OK if you aren’t ready to be happy for her because of the pain you’ve gone through, but your feelings are absolutely not her fault. I think there could’ve been a more tactful way to let her know that you’d like to be happy for her, but that it might take time because of the pain you’ve endured.” MercyXXVII
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Infertility is heartbreaking and difficult, but you and your husband were very out of line. You both owe everyone an apology for how you acted.
More importantly, though, you and your husband should strongly consider grief counseling. The grief that comes from wanting to be a parent and having problems conceiving is all-consuming and not treating the grief will create lots of problems and extra suffering for you.
It’s already straining your familial relationships. You are about to get a new addition to the family and addressing your grief now, with a professional’s help, will go a long way to allowing your relationships to survive and will also allow you to be present and engaged in your new nibling’s life.” ghostforest
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Making Plans For Me?
“So I (34f) am married to my husband (35m). We have 4 children, one from my previous relationship and 3 together. We have been married for 6 years.
Since the birth of our last child 4 years ago I have suffered from really bad mental health I have a recurrent depressive disorder as well as anxiety/panic attacks.
It has been worse the last few months after finding out he had gambled away a substantial amount behind my back whilst I was skipping meals and having to borrow from my disabled parents so I could feed our kids. We live on a single income which is his as our children have additional needs.
So things in my house are still a bit tense at times and I get angry about what he did.
Because of our children’s needs and their different needs one with ADHD and 2 with autism plus 2 of them have hip and leg problems I am always exhausted managing my mental health and their needs.
He goes to work early in the morning and often isn’t home until most of them are asleep. Weekends are the only time I can get a break and just decompress a bit.
Now to the main problem:
My husband came home from work 2 days ago and TOLD me, not asked me, that he had arranged for me to go with my MIL and nephews to a soft play center and that we would be paying for everyone.
At first, I thought he was joking as he knows I can’t stand soft play centers as the loud noises and general chaos in there set off my anxiety and I rapidly become irritated from the amount of noise and not being able to keep track of all my children which can lead me to start panicking (I am waiting on help I am on medication but National Health Service waiting lists are long).
Usually, he will take the kids or I will if I’m having a good mental health day and can handle it which is not something I can predict. Plus his family can all afford to pay for their own entry, so why are we paying for them when we are struggling, I will pay for my own kids but can’t afford to pay for everyone else.
When I realized he wasn’t joking I asked him why he has done that, why has he made these plans without talking to me first, and why he thinks it was ok to just tell me I am doing something, and now he is saying I’m behaving like a jerk.
But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be asked if I would be ok with doing stuff instead of planning my time out for me. It would mean me watching 7 children, 5 of them being under the age of 6, with his mother who is disabled and can’t chase after them so it would all be down to me.
Also, he planned it on my child’s birthday weekend when we would normally hold a party for them at my parents’ so all family can come to see them and then he informed me he was working overtime the same weekend so he wouldn’t be able at all to help.
So am I the jerk here for saying I’m not going and he will need to take the day off work if he really wants the kids to go and he can be the one to watch them all?
Edit – Up until I had my child 4 years ago my mental health was fine and stable, it started as birth trauma and so I didn’t have my children while knowing I wasn’t ok mentally.
I have never had the benefits of government handouts I have always provided for my children up until I got ill and we went down to a single income which was still enough at that point. However in the UK, there is a cost of living crisis with the cost of everything rising but not our wages, so I did not have my children while I couldn’t afford them.
Circumstances changed, the economy changed, and that’s on our government. Not me. Even with everything that’s happened I still don’t claim benefits or handouts so yes I’m currently struggling. You don’t get to tell me I am the jerk for that, it’s happening all over the country and many are worse off than I am.
In all honesty, I am not sure why I am still with my husband. I thought my feelings and annoyance towards his behavior were just my mental health and me overreacting and my doctor told me not to make any decisions until I had started counseling which I am waiting for.
I have also had a lot happen in my personal and family life in the last few years including losing half my family to illness and accidents and also almost losing both my parents this year so the idea that my kids have lost a lot of people and then I leave their dad will cause them suffering.
He may be a trashy husband but my kids love and adore him. If it means me being unhappy and going without just so they smile I’ll do it, they have no idea what has happened they are too young to understand. My kids are my reason for breathing and I don’t want to hurt them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t go. You didn’t organize it, not your problem. Tell him to go. He organized it, if he thinks it should go ahead he can go instead. It’s his family anyway, so he should be the one going, not forcing you to go in his place.
If he’s spending money you do not have, you might be better off all around by yourself. He doesn’t seem very bothered about your feelings or your situation.
How dare he sign you up for something he knew you wouldn’t be happy doing!
Who does that? Why would he do that? It’s controlling, it’s disrespectful and it’s rude.” TrayMc666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OP you are caring for four children, some of whom have disabilities. You are struggling financially yet your husband is blasé with his spending.
Your husband is somewhat ignorant of all the plates you are spinning and is controlling your time. I am so glad you are seeking support for your mental health. The ways you are feeling sound like very normal responses to the situation you are in.
I think you need to be very clear with your husband about all the things that are difficult and discuss together the meaningful ways that he can help. He needs to respect your energy, your time, and your autonomy. He is capable of doing these things for you.
He needs to show that he wants to.” junglemice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also wow you put up with so much from this guy.
You have separate bank accounts, right? Because if not, get on making yourself one right now and contribute to it.
Because he’s going to gamble and spend you broke before you know it.
Your mental health isn’t gonna improve if you stay with this guy, I think. Not a psychologist, but having someone who’s supposed to support you lie to you about your finances, gamble you into debt while you’re trying to make ends meet, and basically assume you’ll be chief babysitter and bottle washer because you married him is not going to be good for your recovery and health.” shinynewcharrcar
14. AITJ For Not Paying For My Cousin's College Housing?
“My grandmother passed away this summer and in her will, I was left a small home in the college town that I live in. This house was where I (as well as my siblings and some other members of my family) lived while we pursued our degree(s).
She (my grandmother) made rent equal to expenses + a bit extra to cover regular maintenance; it was a stellar deal for college, and it holds a lot of fond memories – I feel very fortunate to have received this house and intend on continuing her legacy with the space.
I have told my family (there are 4 remaining cousins who are not college-aged yet), that I intend on continuing renting the house out at cost to family members if they chose to pursue a degree at the college where this house is located (or if they choose to take a job in the area during their ‘college-age years’).
Here is where the dilemma comes in, when I made this announcement, I received a call from a cousin who is currently attending a different college that is nowhere near the home I inherited. She wanted to know how much I intended on sending her for her housing when she moved off campus next fall – as my grandmother did give some money to her grandchildren who chose not to go to college where the house was (not nearly enough to make the deal that the house was, but from my understanding it was equal to a couple of hundred dollars a month).
And when I told her I was not planning on sending ANY funds for her housing, she went off screaming that I was disgracing my grandmother’s legacy and that she would have wanted me to fulfill the entire legacy of college housing generosity.
I am not a wealthy person – I did not receive any money in the inheritance – just the house.
And even that, I have had to spend a fair amount on repairs to get the home back to a prime condition as non-family tenants had moved out during her passing and they took advantage of the lack of supervision during the legal red tape surrounding the house.
I told her that even if I wanted to fulfill the whole legacy, I didn’t have the money and that that was it. Now I have family members calling stating that I am now forcing their children to choose this school near the house when everyone else got to choose.
I feel guilty – but it’s not like they can’t go to another school, they will just have to pay for 100% of their housing – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would make it known that while your grandmother had the finances to offer lower rent in the home or an actual payout for those not utilizing the house, you do not, and that it’s ridiculous to think that you would finance anything outside of loaning out the use of the home.
If grandma wanted them to have money, she would have left it to them. They are being super entitled. At this point, I wouldn’t let them have use of the house either after all this. You’re not responsible for someone’s choice of schools.” PeteyPorkchops
Another User Comments:
“Wow! Just wow! Talk about entitled!
Definitely NTJ!
You CHOSE to continue the legacy of providing a reasonably priced living space for those of your family who wanted to go to the college near the house.
You were not given instructions to continue the legacy, in agreement for receiving the house, so your generosity is out of the kindness of your heart and not because you have to.
You are under ZERO obligation to provide the exact same amenities that your grandmother did and can provide as much, as little, or even nothing if you so please. It’s YOUR house.
To the family members who are calling you and complaining that their kids have to choose the college by the house because you won’t send them money for housing, I would say ‘I’m not the one to discuss your child’s housing finances with’ and leave it at that.
Do NOT feel even a smidgin of guilt, OP, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about!” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your grandmother left YOU the house. I assume there was no stipulation that you continue to offer reduced rent to your other relatives.
Owning that house does not make you the family ATM. You chose to do that out of the kindness of your heart. In response, your family is acting like a bunch of entitled jerks.
I get that the ones already in college picked those colleges assuming they would have support from grandma for housing.
But if your grandmother wanted to continue that legacy, she needed to have accounted for that in her will. Since you got the house, I assume her other assets (cash, etc.) went to others. If they want to guilt someone into continuing the cash assistance legacy, then they need to look to the people who received CASH inheritances.
I am guessing the relatives with children received cash inheritances and that your grandmother intended them to use this for their children’s education.
If I were you, I would take back the housing offer at your property entirely. Tell them they all ruined it for themselves.” Forward_Squirrel8879
13. AITJ For Not Making Accommodations To Get My Friend Home?
“I came home to Atlanta after 5+ years away.
My ‘friend’ of 12+ years allowed me to stay with them temporarily, and we’d planned on me taking over her lease when she moved on 11/30. She has no car and no job (relevant later) but gets severance pay and has made a couple of hundred bucks with things I’ve set up for her.
I took her grocery shopping, and let her hold a copy of my car key, in case she needed to use my car while I was sleeping or with a date (which she did).
I got a unionized job quickly with good pay and benefits.
I asked the friend if she wanted to make some $$ before she left, and she said yes, and I had her hired on.
We carpooled to work every day since we lived together. 2 days into working together, I learned my best friend of 20+ years was in the hospital with a perforated bowel and a serious case of sepsis.
If you know about either of those things, they’re potentially deadly.
I told my ‘roommate’ I’d be leaving work early to be at my best friend’s bedside before she went into surgery. I asked if she wanted me to take her home early, and she said no, I should go and she understands fully.
The hospital my best friend’s at is 60mi away. When I PARKED at the hospital, the ‘friend’/roommate said she couldn’t find anyone to drive her home and expected me to turn around to take her. Mind you, the job and house are both on transit.
She told me ‘the only reason I took this job was that I knew we’d be riding together and I could have just stayed home’. I said there are buses, trains, Uber, and Lyft, and that I wasn’t going to prioritize driving her home over seeing my severely ill best friend, and to not act like her taking the job was beneficial to me.
She said that’s what she’ll do, and to get my stuff out of her house. I came back after visiting hours were up, and she said she couldn’t believe I’d ‘do her like that’. I told her she was acting like a toddler and that I’m not solely responsible for getting her around, as she was 33 years old and this was an emergency.
I’ve been the only one to visit her at the hospital & since I’m estranged from my family, my best friend is really all I have.
She said she ‘didn’t have her wallet’ (which was a lie) and I said you could have asked me for an Uber or left early like I’d suggested. She also DIDN’T MENTION any of this before I left.
She said I should have offered to get the Uber, I responded that ‘you told me you’d work it out, and I trusted that you would.’ Anyway. My dog and I are sleeping in the car while I find another apartment. Her friends think I’m a wicked witch.
AITJ for not making accommodations to get her home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like you are better off without her. Not sure how she was planning on getting a new place if she didn’t have a stable income beyond severance. Most places require proof of income/employment.
My guess is that she was going to have you take over the lease (and payments) and then she was going to live with you for free – because she did that for you, right? But in this case, with no end date in sight.
Not sure how the current situation plays into that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she lets you back in because ‘she is such a good person’ and she’s sure you will make it up to her. Altogether just making you feel like the bad guy that owes her things, and then she will collect.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Sheesh, this girl needs a reality check. She is an adult, she should be more than capable of independently transporting herself to and from her place of employment. These are like bare minimum life skills. Instead of taking responsibility for herself and her choices she has decided to make herself the victim and throw a temper tantrum.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong here.” salmonberrycreek
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You’ve been generous at every turn, landed her a job, made sure she was ok before you left for the hospital in a completely dire emergency, and now she’s spitting the dummy.
What did she think would happen if you had a sick day, or anything else? I’m very sorry for the position this has put you in, but this definitely doesn’t sound like a friend or anyone to keep around.” goeatyourjello
12. AITJ For Not Sending My Mom To A Nursing Home?
“I (19M) live with my dad (53m), brothers (17m & 15m), and my mom (43F). My mom is the most beautiful soul ever. Always there for us. Encouraged us in whatever dream or goal we had.
Two years ago my mom suffered a major stroke. She fought hard to learn to be able to walk and talk again. And we were with her every step of the way. Things were going great until this past year. My mom now has unknown neurological disorders that render her paralyzed to at times almost a vegetative state.
In between those times, she’s fine but can’t be left alone.
My dad is a truck driver but comes home every weekend and we have a nurse who helps during the day while we’re at school or work. I was offered a full ride at one of our country’s top universities when I graduated. My family, friends, and partner were so excited about it.
But none as much as my mom. I was excited too. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave my mom’s care to just my dad and brothers.
My partner thinks I’m sick because I have zero problems feeding my mom, changing her diaper, bathing her, dressing her, and carrying her outside to sit in her chair.
(Neither does my dad or brothers). My partner recently told my mom that she was destroying my life and it would be best if she went to a home where others could deal with her. My mom sat us all down crying and apologized to us for being a burden.
Told us she was going to look at homes so we could be free to live our lives. When we finally found out why she was saying this, dad lost it. I called my partner and told her to stay away from me and my family.
That she was a cold-hearted witch who belongs in the underworld. She called me a sick jerk. Now I have people talking about how I’m in an inappropriate relationship with my mom. I’m still mad because my mom is hurting and depressed. None of us want her in a home.
But if it’s really what mom wants are we being selfish if we don’t put her in one?
Small update: Dad’s taking a couple of weeks off. Granted ultimately any decisions will be made by him and mom but he wants us all to sit down together and talk.
I do want to let y’all know that I’m still going to school but instead of an Ivy League, I’m going to the university of Arkansas. My middle brother Jake is studying diesel mechanics. And Johnny the youngest has a ways to go before graduating high school and joining the Navy.
My partner is in the ex category.”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow, NTJ. I cannot believe your ex said that! First of all, clarify to anyone even hinting that you have an inappropriate relationship with your mom that your ex is spreading that rumor because you act as a caregiver and she didn’t like it.
That’s sick that she is telling people that. Second, I didn’t have a mom growing up so I wouldn’t lift a finger for her. But it sounds like you have a wonderful mother that you cherish and who gave you everything you needed in life to become a decent, kind, loving human being.
Your ex had no right to say that to your mom. You’re just trying to give back to her the same love she gave you. Your ex sounds like a narcissist. And it sounds like the only reason your mom wants to go to a home now is because your ex made her feel like a burden.
If this is really something she won’t drop, don’t take away her last bits of autonomy and go with her wishes. But make sure you discuss with her first that your ex’s views are not your family’s views and that she should not make this decision based on what that jerk said.
If she does stick to the decision visit her every day you’re able to.
Don’t let her feel alone. It may end up making her feel less depressed and less of a burden (I doubt that now that ex planted that seed in her mind that she’ll be able to fully shake it if she stays at home), but she can still see how much you care for her and love her.
The time you spend together can be just about enjoying each other’s company instead of caring for her, and if done right it could be positive for everyone. But you’re not wrong for wanting to provide that care for her!
You love her and want her to feel like she’s still important to the family despite her medical issues.
Basically, as a family, you need to talk to her, explain how you all feel, and let her decide from there. I’m so sorry. This really is a terrible situation. You only get one mom, and you were blessed with a good one. You have a good heart, and nothing your ex says or does can take that away from you.” alroseh1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a really difficult situation, for you, your dad, your brothers, and your mom. Lots of conversations need to happen here, and even if your partner thinks that she is looking out for you, she is probably overstepping. Whoever is saying inappropriate things about your relationship with your mother, is disgusting.
Changing your parents’ diapers, if you are willing, is part of caring for a family member. Obviously, this is a really difficult situation, but it doesn’t make you the jerk.” Targa85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just want to say you are a great son.
I know you love your Mom and that is a beautiful thing. It doesn’t matter what a bunch of idiots think about you. I think your Mom might feel guilty about her health situation and your partner just confirmed her worst fears of being a burden.
I’m a mom and we are used to being the rocks of our family and making sure we are the ones taking care of everyone and not the other way around. If your family wants her home, make sure all of you let her know that.
Mom guilt is real and when we can’t be there for the ones we love it’s hard. Your ex confirmed her worst fear but, reassure her that it isn’t true. That if one day she wanted to be in a care facility then it’s her choice but, if she wants to be home with the family that wants her home then to focus on what the family thinks and not some evil ex.
Also, some schools may allow you to defer for a year. That might allow the family enough time to transition the care to your family members if you so choose. You may decide to not go after all but, this might at least allow you an extra year to come up with a family plan.” Pand0raHaze
And btw, people are more likely to go downhill when moved to a nursing home. I’d reassure your mom that she’s not a burden and that you absolutely want her at home. You may need to be a broken record about this, as someone mentioned, mom is guilt is real and hard to get over.
11. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Sister-In-Law And Her Kids Out Of My House?
“I’ve been with my partner for 6 years now, after 2 years of being together we got our own place together including my stepson who we have full-time. This was the first ever house we each have had without living with parents/family.
My sister-in-law lived with her mum, stepdad, and her 4 kids (she’s a single mother). They ended up losing the house because of financial reasons and pretty much had nowhere to go, so I told my partner that his sister and kids can stay with us until she gets her own place (One of her kids ended up staying with their grandmother).
Anyway, so my sister-in-law and her 3 kids moved in with my partner, stepson, and me into our small 3 bedroom house. We made it accommodating so we could all live comfortably together. At first, we were pretty close and hung out a lot, but as time went by we started drifting apart.
I think it was because of the fact my sister-in-law just stayed home all day, didn’t get a job or even look for one, never helped out with the bills or rent, and would just go out with random guys she met online all the time.
My partner and I both worked full-time jobs and every day I would come home and the house was an absolute mess because of all the kids! They tried to clean it but honestly, there was no point because it would just end up going back to crap.
I was so sick of it.
This went on for over a year, she still didn’t have a job and was living here for free. I would tell my partner that she needs to move out but as she is his big sister he defended her (even though he was annoyed as well).
She ended up getting a man and would let him stay over at our house with his 2 kids. That’s a total of 9 people now in our 3-bedroom house. They would fight in the house and even broke one of the bedroom doors. My partner and I were so annoyed at the lack of respect they had.
They ended up replacing the door, but that was it I was over it. I started to put a list together of houses up for lease so she could start looking for a place. But she didn’t seem interested.
Later on, I found out that she was actually speaking to my stepson’s biological mother (who at the time was very jealous of my partner and me being together and having my stepson full-time) and trying to come up with ways to try and break my partner and me up.
It was the ultimate snake move in my opinion. It didn’t work. We had to sit her down and confront her about it.
Can’t really forgive her for it but still AITJ for wanting them to move out knowing they kind of had nowhere to go and it wasn’t the kids’ fault for anything?
Edit – SIL ended up playing the victim when confronted about her trying to break us up. She had a falling out with the ex and the ex ended up sending all screenshots of their messages to my partner (this is how we found out).
When we confronted her, she was saying she and her kids didn’t feel comfortable in the house because I was always angry and going around the house in a mood. My partner ended up speaking to me privately about my moods and said that they were not okay.
He said that if it’s such a problem they will all move out together and I said ‘no, how about I move out and you can live with your sister for the rest of your life?’ I think that’s when it clicked to him that she was in the wrong (took a while for him to see, I know).
But the ultimatum was given and he chose us, which I’m happy about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m so sorry your trust has been betrayed like this.
Your partner is a major jerk here – he’s harming not just himself, but you and his son as well.
He needs to get on board – just because his sister didn’t cause a breakup yet doesn’t mean she won’t keep trying.
The sister is completely awful. I won’t blame her kids (they sound like they’re just being kids, and any poor behavior/messes are really the fault of their failed parent).
I can’t say enough bad things about her behavior, so I won’t even try.
If your partner won’t come around and kick her out, it may be necessary for your own well-being to get out of this situation on your own. If it comes down to that, check your local laws, you might be able to force him to either buy out your share of the house or sell it all together so you can get your money out.
In any case, do not allow yourself to be removed from the deed until you have been compensated and removed from the mortgage.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – You’ve put up with this for a year. Why? You let her steamroll you and disrespect your home for 11 months longer than you should have.
One month of that would have been very generous. An exit date should have been agreed upon before she even moved in.
Your husband needs to decide who’s more important, you or his sister’s spoiled housecat lifestyle.
And what happens when she comes home pregnant again?
‘You can’t kick me out, I’m pregnant!’ And your husband will agree.
It’s time to grow a spine and get this woman out of your house. Of if that doesn’t work, you need to leave.” SammyLoops1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly I’d argue you and your partner were jerks to yourselves and your kid.
Honestly, when you offered for her to move in, the agreement should have been that she needed to get a job, apply for benefits, etc within 3 months and that she had a year to move out. That during that year she was responsible financially for X, Y, and Z, as well as cleaning up after her kids and herself (plus any guests that she had.)
Instead, you just repeated what your MIL and SFIL did – let her live in your home with no financial responsibilities. She’s a single mom – poor her.
Most single moms have to figure this stuff out. She’s lucky in that she has a support system but maybe everyone has supported her too much.” rak1882
10. AITJ For Refusing To Become My Nephews' Maid?
“My brother and SIL have two sons, Isaac and Louis (15M and 17M). Even though I love them with all my heart, they are spoiled brats whose parents didn’t teach them the basics (and they admit it).
10 days ago, my SIL had a really bad car accident in my city and my brother asked if he and his children could stay at my house because he was spending a lot at a private hospital for his wife.
I agreed.
I really tried to help as much as I could, as they were pretty bad because of their mother, but the fact that they didn’t put their clothes in the laundry basket, didn’t wash a dish, didn’t cook or do any other chores, was annoying me, but I tried to take the first week.
For better context, I’m a ‘stay-at-home mom’ (part-time I work) and they didn’t help with that, it was overloading me.
After a week, I let them know that I don’t want any more fuss and that they should start helping. I warned my brother who begged me not to do this so as not to burden the kids, but I warned him that I don’t think it’s fair for me to burden myself because of them.
I warned everyone at night.
These days, I was always making the same breakfast (omelet), because that’s what their mother makes every day and it’s tradition, so I tried to keep it, but I can’t stand eating the same breakfast every day so I made something different bread with ham and cheese.
When they went downstairs (my brother had left already) they saw that my kids and I were eating something else and Isaac asked where the omelet was and I said I hadn’t made it. So he asked me to make it and I said: ‘Sorry honey, I have to leave in 10 minutes, but I have all the ingredients in the fridge if you want to make it’.
They argued that they didn’t know how to make it and I continued ‘You’re both old enough to look up a recipe on the internet and make it’.
I actually had to leave soon after as I was busy.
My brother later called screaming that I am not being considerate of their situation and that it didn’t hurt me to have made them an omelet, if I know they don’t know how to make it and that he was disappointed in me for having treated his children like that, knowing how they are.
I ended up exploding saying that my house is not a hotel and I’m not a maid at their will, if he failed to teach his kids the basics, it’s his fault and if they want it that way, better get a hotel.
He called me a heartless monster for saying that even more now.
The situation is tense between us, to be honest.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get that they’re probably really worried and concerned about their mum, but they’re both teenagers who can most certainly look after themselves. You’ve opened up your home to them, and that should be enough but they’re treating you like a live-in maid and personal chef.
If they want something for breakfast in YOUR house after they didn’t want the first thing, crack on and make it themselves. Plus, you had to leave in 10 mins so if they really didn’t want the meal you had made, they can make themselves another.
Again, none of us will know the dynamic between you and your brother, but you’re hardly heartless because you’ve welcomed them into your home. Your brother, however, is a massive jerk for blowing up at you like he did.” amzlrr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The parents for not parenting and you for agreeing to house your brother and his kids when you knew this was going to be a disaster.
Also, the kids are teenagers and old enough to stay alone during the day. There was actually no need for your brother and his kids to move in with you, except for the fact that your brother needed a maid and a cook.
I don’t get how y’all got there…” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it seems like staying with you came with the implied expectation that you would serve them.
I understand why you might offer more support than to regular house guests (they all have a lot to deal with) but the things you shared (laundry, dishes, etc.) are basic ‘being in a shared space’ requirements.
As for cooking, it amazes me that your brother would not be contributing to this, especially as he’s apparently never equipped his nearly adult children with these skills (honestly, he’s the jerk for expecting his wife to make breakfast every day too).
Your mistake, if any, was trying to endure this for a week instead of stamping it out immediately.” a-base
9. AITJ For Not Wanting An Unsupervised Dog In My Room Overnight?
“I (18M) pay 200 a month to live at home with my mom. I also live with my grandparents and older brother. We have a lot of dogs (around 9 or so) and it has become a thing apparently to just put dogs that they don’t want to watch overnight in my bedroom while I’m at work, I work overnights for a local warehouse, and this is the 4th time a dog has just destroyed my whole room.
Yesterday when I got home I just wanted to wind down and take a shower and go to bed, only to find a pile of crap and a puddle of pee on my floor, and my clothing rack, which also has shelves that hold a lot of my personal belongings, knocked over on the ground, along with my brother’s dog, Honey.
I promptly kicked her out and spent 3-4 hours cleaning up the mess and told my mom what had happened. I asked her to make sure she didn’t go in my room last night, well when I get home the exact same scenario happened. I then texted her saying ‘I’m done with this nonsense.
I asked y’all not to put her in here, all of that work I just did yesterday is just gone, thanks.’
Now she’s upset at me for talking to her like that but I feel like it’s pretty deserved, I pay 200 a month to live here and this is the 4th time this has happened with my brother’s dogs, I’ve had to watch two of his other puppies before and after they destroyed my room I told my family and same exact thing, after the second time I only watch his puppies when I’m here.
I shouldn’t have to watch any of his dogs, in my opinion. AITJ?
Edit: I had a talk with my mom about it and the dogs aren’t going to be staying in my room any longer. Although I don’t know why it took two nights in a row to convince her I don’t have to deal with them anymore.
Although I am still going to be getting a lock soon as per almost everyone’s suggestion, and I had the plan to move out with a friend at the beginning of December for a couple of weeks now but he just texted me last night and is bailing on it.
A little bit of context I feel like might’ve been missing is that it’s only my brother’s dogs that act like this, the rest of our dogs are really well behaved and I’ve never had any issues with any other dogs that weren’t his.
My lab, my beautiful boy Max, has been left in here for weeks at a time without issue. Even when I watched my sister’s dogs and left them alone for a bit when I went to take a shower or other various things nothing ever really got torn up.
I should also mention my bedroom isn’t part of the main house, it is a building in the backyard we had built a few years ago for my brother to live in, but he never ended up moving in so I did. The dogs also aren’t the only thing that just gets put in my room for no reason, when I first moved out here there were two kayaks in the middle of the room that my mom refused to move for about a month and a half.
Some of my brother’s stuff is also just in here because he has nowhere else to put it apparently. Even though he bought a storage building a couple of months ago and has a room inside the house. My room is actually pretty big I want to say around 200 square feet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you pay rent to live there, therefore it is your personal space. It is horrible that they have so many dogs that they then put some in a room for so long that they poop (I know accidents happen but it’s not an accident if it’s a continuous thing.
Basic pet care is that a pet needs access to go to the bathroom or numerous potty time) and destroy things. They should be better pet owners and you shouldn’t have to clean up due to their lack of responsibility. You should get a lock.” zzzbanks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re right, you shouldn’t have to watch any of the dogs that aren’t yours. Look, it’s tough because it’s family and it’s your home. The tough part is you can take legal action against your family because you do pay rent.
I would suggest buying a lock for your door and don’t give anyone the key. Keeps your room safe and secure. If your mom says no, then start looking for a new place to live.” shclapstik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re paying rent then you have rights as a tenant and they have responsibilities as landlords.
You have every right to get a lock and take legal action if you wanted to. Go buy a keyed lock and document everything. Start looking for a new place, possibly with roommates if you can’t afford a place by yourself.” Silaquix
8. AITJ For Telling My Son His Mom Deserves The Credit?
“My wife and I split chores according to our workload. She does the cooking and finances and I do everything else. Recently my son (16M) has been demanding that my wife cook more for his lunches, claiming he’s hungry and she wasn’t feeding him enough.
My wife makes pretty complex completely homemade lunches (think bento boxes or tiffins) and my son used to bring back uneaten food. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was giving someone his food.
My wife didn’t pry but made a whole other meal (with its own lunchbox) to give to him.
It was more nutritionally dense too. This added more time to my wife’s already strained schedule.
Recently, my son was grounded for something unrelated (breaking his sister’s phone and lying about it), and to get out of the punishment, he said he was giving his lunch to his friend and he at least deserved credit for being a good friend if not a good brother.
I told my son that he shouldn’t get credit, his mother should because she was the one who actually had to get up even earlier to make the lunches. My son is sulking now and my wife told me to be gentler to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not only is he taking credit for work that she did, but the way he got her to do it was also by lying about what was going on, and guilting her about not providing enough nutrition for him while giving it away.
Frankly, he ought to start getting up early and help with the prep, so he has a better idea of what she actually does for him. Right now he hasn’t a clue, and his complacent ignorance is leading him to behave obnoxiously.
Yes, it is typical of a teen to be testing the limits of acceptable behavior.
It’s also your job as a parent to not fall for the foolishness.” avast2006
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son is old enough to start getting up with his mom and helping in the kitchen if he’s going to try and take credit for the good deed. He doesn’t have to cook, but he could help by washing dishes at least, or even going with her to get groceries.
But if he has a friend who is facing food insecurity, try inviting that friend to dinner if you and your wife are up for it, or if you have something like Costco, get some snacks in bulk and tell your son to take those with him too.” Whatchatalkinaboutk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is old enough to pack his own lunches if he doesn’t like how or what his mom packs. He shouldn’t be pressuring her. But do you know this friend that he’s giving his lunch to? If you do, you might want to find out why the friend doesn’t have enough food.
I’m also a little concerned that this could be bullying. You might want to dig deeper into your son’s story. 16 yo boys are usually ravenous eaters. Going without lunch is not normal and could be a symptom of something bigger.” Any_Lead_5506
7. WIBTJ If I Don't Include Two People As Groomsmen At My Wedding?
“My partner and I have been engaged for almost a year and are planning the wedding.
My family is much bigger than hers so roughly 60% of the guests will be from my side. This is an important detail.
I have 7 groomsmen and she is having 7 bridesmaids. She actually only picked 4 people but had to include more to match my side. She picked her 2 best friends and her 2 sisters.
Then she added a cousin and actually one of my cousins and my sister to even out the numbers.
I picked my 2 brothers, 3 of my lifelong best friends, my best friend from college, and my stepdad. The issue at hand is my partner wants to up the number to 9.
She said she can find 2 more people on her side to include but the real reason is that she wants me to include her teenage brother and her sister’s husband. She says I have family on her side as bridesmaids so it makes it fair.
The thing is I never asked her to include my family it was only done because she needed the extra numbers. I didn’t force it or really ask. I just volunteered the idea but if she said no I wouldn’t be upset. I don’t know her brother that well.
He’s 15 and I’m 28 there’s not a whole lot we have in common. I also think her sister’s husband kinda sucks. He’s just a wet blanket. Nothing against their relationship he’s just not my favorite person to hang around.
I’m not really budging on this and some of my family is calling me a jerk because it would mean a lot to her.
Honestly, I’d rather take my cousin and my sister out of the bridesmaids than have to include these 2. I told my partner that and she doesn’t like that idea either. She’s really wanting me to go her way on this and I just don’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stop the madness. There is no reason you need so many attendants. You started this problem by having so many groomsmen. I am sure she isn’t thrilled with including people she is not close with as bridesmaids any more than you want to include her family.
She HAD to include them. She only chose them because of YOU. There is no reason why she should have to include people she would not have chosen and you don’t. Your family is right. You are holding her to a different standard than yourself.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Wedding planning is like the best way to figure out if two people should even be married.
Compromise is important, but so is clear communication. Your perspective is right – you want your party to be people close to you, and you have family on her side to even out the numbers and she was good with that.
She isn’t wrong either – wanting her family to be as represented as yours – but she also should have thought of that before agreeing to have your family on her side.
That’s the difference here: You had 7 people, and she added to get to 7, and that was the end for you.
If she had brought up her brother/BIL at the time, you two could have figured it out together, but it wasn’t something you had considered, nor are you open to it. Your partner is relying on hindsight to say she is right and you are wrong, and that’s not fair.
Also involving other family in a dispute like this is always a bad idea.
So I’m assuming you still want to marry this woman, so here are your options:
- Add them to keep the peace, but make it clear that your plans for your party will not change to accommodate a 15-year-old (like a bachelor party, drinking while getting ready, etc).
- Say no and see if you win this one.
- Go back to the drawing board on the wedding party. You don’t have to have an even number, and you don’t have to have all dudes while she has all women. You can each pick the people you love and cherish, regardless of gender, and have a mixed wedding party.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The fact that you think she should change her plans to accommodate you, but you think changing your plans to accommodate her is unfair is very telling to me.
It’s not even about what YOU want, as much as about how you are treating something that is obviously important to your future wife.
Her family is important to her, even if you think they are boring or you don’t have much in common with them. In fact, they are so important to her that she wants them involved in the big day!
Do you not think that it was frustrating for her to find additional people to join her wedding party?
Obviously, you recognize that her first choice was not to include your cousin or sister, but what you are overlooking/minimizing is that she did that because YOU wanted to have more people involved. It was important to you, and because she loves you and wants to marry you, that meant it was important to her… so she made it work.
Now she is asking you to do the same and you refuse?
For you to brush off something important to your future wife that would cost you nothing except some minor discomfort because you ‘just don’t want to’ is really a sad sign for this marriage because it says that you expect her to make sacrifices and compromises for you, but you will not reciprocate.” SgtFriskers
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. SEVEN attendants? Are you royalty? Cut it way back.
Once you decide to include all of some group, numbers get unwieldy fast. This especially happens with wedding parties and guests. A year later nobody will remember who was in that mob… and you can’t expect that everyone whom you included will include you.
Do everyone a favor by cutting the gang way down; you’ll be setting a good example for all your relatives who don’t have tens of thousands to spend on weddings, the way you have.
Huge weddings are exhausting for all concerned and cause significant problems. Look at this particular asinine argument; why are either of you missing a moment’s sleep over it?
And if you two are, chances other family members are as well. Is this REALLY how you want to spend your engagement time? BIG RED FLAG if you’re having a huge wedding because some other family member wants it.” Purple_Joke_1118
6. AITJ For Being Mad At My Son For Selling The Car We Gave Him?
“So for my son’s 18th birthday, my wife and I decided to buy him a car.
We bought him a new sedan, it was a little over 30k. He was very appreciative, though he said he didn’t need a brand-new one. Everything was in his name.
Almost immediately he sells it to Carmax and gets some old cheap no-frills sedan with roll-up windows.
We were floored, he said it was to help him pay for college, which was weird because we agreed we would help him split the costs. He probably made at least 22k in profit from doing this.
We feel this was a total slap in the face, and we told him how disrespected we felt, but he said, and I quote, ‘If I’m going to survive long-term in the 21st century, I need to save as much as possible.’ Does this really mean you have to sell gifts other people give you?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It was a gift. You gave him a gift. You don’t get to control what he does with his gift.
Your son is also smart enough to realize at 18… he didn’t need a brand new car (don’t forget he has to pay for the reg and maintenance… which is expensive on new vehicles).
He knows he has to afford college, books, rent, etc… He knew the better investment was to drive a beater car and save the money to help further himself.
Be proud of him. He really is thinking about his future and long-term goals… most 18-year-olds aren’t at that point yet.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, YTJ. A gift is unconditional, and you are chastising your son for showing maturity, responsibility, and good reasoning? We live in an uncertain world and the fact that your son is smart enough to avoid getting into debt, and save money when so many are spendthrifts, shows an unusual level of maturity that you might want to study.
You had multiple choices here to avoid this situation, and they all began with talking to your son first before making assumptions about what he wanted and needed. If you had talked to him first, he might have said, ‘Hey, thank you so much for offering to buy me an expensive car, but what I really want is to stay out of debt.
Could you help me that way instead?’
You never told him when you gifted the car that he could not sell it. You made that assumption. I think that your anger is misguided. You surely aren’t angry that your son is being smart and resourceful, so what you are angry about is that you can’t get the enjoyment out of seeing him drive the car you picked out and bought for him.
I would apologize to him and commend him on thinking maturely and responsibly about his future.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/Everyone sucks here, but you both could’ve benefited from better communication.
He could’ve been upfront about wanting to sell the car, rather than presenting it as a ‘fait accompli’ (a thing that has already happened or been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept it).
After all, it hurts your feelings having put thought into selecting presumably a nice car for him.
If you had communicated to him ‘son, we’d like to buy you a new car’, he could’ve expressed he’d rather drive a beater and save funds.
Instead, you’ve now both hurt each other’s feelings and wasted a couple of grand in the process.
I’m going on an assumption that you’ll be hard-pressed to find a dealer who’ll buy back for sticker value.
Whether the judgment is ‘no jerks here’ or ‘everyone sucks here’ is dependent on how harsh you are to yourself.” DutchTinCan
5. AITJ For Causing My Friend To Be Kicked Out Of Our Accommodation?
“For my best friend Elena’s 22nd birthday, she invited a group of us on a trip to France.
Her parents paid for all of our flights and we stayed in the home they own there. Her brother and a few of his friends also came on the trip.
Before the trip, Elena gave everybody one rule which was to not sleep with her brother.
2 days into the trip, I walked in on another friend, Chloe, and Elena’s brother in a compromising position. Chloe asked me not to tell Elena because she didn’t want to get kicked out and I wasn’t going to but Elena’s brother kept goading me until it felt like my b***d was boiling.
I was so angry that Elena noticed and asked me if her brother had said something to me because he has a history of purposefully upsetting me. I told her what happened, including what they were doing.
Elena was upset and asked Chloe to leave the next morning.
Chloe is blaming me for causing her to be left homeless in a foreign country and for causing problems between her and Elena. Our friends are divided but Elena’s brother keeps calling me a good little snitch so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Literally everyone, you, the brother, Chloe, and Elena. No one should kick a guest that is depending on them out in a foreign country unless it’s a matter of safety, Chloe shouldn’t have slept with the brother, and Elena shouldn’t be putting limits on her friends that she knows her brother will actively try to make them break, the brother is just an all-around prolific jerk, and you’re a crappy friend to Chloe.
She’s getting punished because the brother was bugging you, and the brother is just going to try and sleep with another friend now.” MothmanNFT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t make the choice that hurt your friend. You just made her aware of it. Not to mention, one might think he cares enough about his own sis to not go around hooking up with her friends (clearly he doesn’t) so his behavior is his responsibility.
Also, her family flew you all down there and put you up in a home for free. Another country… FOR FREE. There was one single rule. Don’t mess around with her brother. Are you trying to tell me Chloe is so unaware of how the brother is she didn’t know she was hooking up with a jerk?
I ask because maybe she should be smarter next time about hooking up with someone who’s smart enough not to antagonize the literal one person they should be nice to.
And at the end of the day, regardless that it was for a petty reason (as long as your delivery was with care for Elena), you did the right thing.
She deserved to know. She asked one thing of her friends (that includes you) and it wasn’t honored. Good friends don’t do that. Good friends don’t hook up with your brother either (not counting circumstances of honesty and being upfront about attractions). Seeing as you can’t kick your brother out of his house (which belongs to their parents) it stands to reason that Chloe can’t stay.
She doesn’t deserve to either after betraying the person who made it possible for her to be there. You’re NTJ for saving her from being the butt of her bro’s and Chloe’s joke (cuz that’s exactly what she would be had her friend got a vacation and hooked up with her brother in France for free i.e without consequences).” CommunicateQueen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Brother should stop sleeping with his sister’s friends. Having a bunch of casual hook-ups in one friend group is going to cause issues and he should respect his sister enough not to do that to her. He also just sounds like a jerk all around.
Chloe should respect that Elena doesn’t want people sleeping with her brother and that the consequences for her lack of respect for her friend are her own.
Elena should realize it’s weird to make this a ground rule and likely only increases the temptation and curiosity of it.
Also kicking her friend out in a foreign country (I’m guessing) is not something I can totally get on board with… especially not for the ‘crime’ committed.
You admit you did out of spite.
Immature and bad behavior all around. Also just the insane lack of respect you all seem to have for each other…
Edit: ‘Boundary’ is not a magic word. Labeling something that doesn’t automatically make it or your enforcement of it is reasonable. I can concede that ‘don’t sleep with my brother’ is a reasonable boundary but I don’t think that kicking someone out in what is potentially a dangerous situation for them is reasonable enforcement of it.
If Elena knows Chloe will be safe until they can go home ignore that inclusion and this edit.” User
4. AITJ For Baking A Pie For My Father But Not For My Husband?
“I (26f) have been married to my husband (24m) for only about 5 months now.
We’re doing Thanksgiving at my parent’s house this year.
I’m a pretty good baker and I told my husband how I was planning to make and bring a peach pie for my father this year. Peach pie will be a little out-of-season; it’s really more of a summer pie. But it’s my dad’s favorite so I don’t care if it will be a little out of place; I’m planning to make one anyway.
When I told my husband this he responded ‘Well, as long as you’re baking pies you gotta make my favorite – cherry.’
I told him ‘no’ as my aunt is always in charge of the fruit pies and brings a cherry, apple, and blueberry so his favorite will be there.
He responded ‘OK but something tells me that her pies will be either baked from frozen or made with that canned pie filling. Why can’t you make an actual fresh cherry pie while you are making a fresh peach pie?’
I told him that I don’t want to upstage my aunt and also that just because I was doing something nice for my father doesn’t mean that I owe him a similar favor.
But he’s been acting a little butthurt about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband has clearly never made a cherry pie, as they’re one of the most labor-intensive kinds of pies to make. Halving and pitting so many cherries, not to mention all the other steps that go into making the pie.
NTJ, OP, if your husband wants a cherry pie he can learn to make it himself. Also, it’s a very nice thing you’re doing for your dad. Don’t let your husband make you feel bad for not doing more.” ThatCuteNerdGirl96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your behavior is perfect.
Your husband sounds jealous of your relationship with your father. This could be either problematic or something which will naturally adjust over time depending on the subtext. If this jealousy does not reach a breaking point and he becomes abusive/overly possessive it will be fine.” KillBatman1921
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. But tell him the two of you can make one together sometime soon. He can help prepare the cherries, learn how to make the pastry, and learn how good it is to enjoy the fruits of your own labor.
I’m not going to call your husband names… I don’t think he had any bad thoughts in asking for a pie… only a craving.” EntertainerFlat
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Ex's Unemployed New Wife?
“My ex and I broke up 5 years ago after a year-long relationship, he broke up with me and I took it very hard back then. I can’t say I did anything crazy, aside from a few weeks after the break up getting really wasted on a night out and sending him some embarrassing texts.
It was the worst heartbreak I’ve ever had, and it didn’t help that he kept messaging me to be ‘friends’ even though I tried to set boundaries and say I need space to heal.
Anyways, that’s all in the past. I can confidently say that I have indeed healed from that and am over him.
He recently got married to a girl he started seeing like 2 months after we broke up. Honestly, I’m happy for him. Good for them. Me, on the other hand, I’ve gone out with people since then but haven’t been able to find anyone worth marrying; I haven’t even had another serious relationship since him.
He’s still on the periphery of my social circle because we still have a lot of mutual friends from uni. And sometimes I see both of them in social settings. While he and I have buried the hatchet and usually just chat when we happen to be in the same room for a bit (although we never text or meet up outside of these contexts), his wife and I have always treated each other with polite disinterest. I know she really doesn’t like me.
An important note about her is that she’s been unemployed for a loooong time. I don’t know if it’s because she wants to be a stay-at-home wife (a completely valid choice if that’s her thing!) or because she’s been unable to find work, but she hasn’t worked in many years despite having a master’s degree.
I’ve been really able to advance in my career in the past 5 years, and I’m quite far ahead in my field for someone my age and I’m very proud of myself because I worked extremely hard.
Anyways here’s the issue: the other day a bunch of people went for drinks.
I came. They were both there. We were all sitting at the same table in a bar. Someone I haven’t seen in a while asked me if I’m seeing anyone. I replied, ‘no, not right now.’ My ex’s wife quickly made a snarky comment ‘aw it’s okay, some people just stay single’ in front of everyone, like 10 of our friends.
Without missing a beat, I blurted out ‘yeah just like some people are meant to stay unemployed’.
She got really upset, cried, and left. Her husband messaged me that I should apologize to her for embarrassing her. I said I will if she apologizes first. He said she refused because what I said was worse, apparently.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – completely unnecessary response from both of you. She has no justification for saying that to you, but you also made a dig at her without knowing her reasons for not having a job. Idk what’s worse, but they’re both equally petty comments and she fired first so she should apologize first or you can be the bigger person and apologize and state why you made that dig.
Your ex is understandably by his wife’s side on this but I’m sure he also sees why you made your comment too so he’s also the jerk.” SpicyMayoGuy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What she did and said was uncalled for, what you replied with is GOLD.
LOL.
She seems jealous of your achievements and the fact that her husband still keeps in contact with you. It seems like a lot of insecurity on her end.
Even though you are on good terms with your ex now, do you think it’s possible to cut ties with him?
It just seems like his wife gets a kick out of trying to berate you. He will always have to take her side since she is his life partner now. I just feel like it’s going to cause a weird drift in your social circle if she keeps getting included, and she will because she is his wife.” AshleyB7172000
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Both of you seem all too willing to let each other live rent-free inside each others’ heads. You people seriously need to move on with your lives. I don’t care that you gave a snarky remark to a snarky insult.
But it’s telling that you had one ready to go, which means you’ve spent far too much time in the past worrying about things that don’t concern you. The same goes for her obviously. Probably insecure that if he’d dump you all of a sudden over seemingly nothing, he’d do it to her as well, and as long as you’re ‘available’ you’re just one more reason he might do that.
Probably has her on edge 24/7. So yeah, just let her stew in her own misery, and if the occasional pointless jab at you makes her feel better, just take comfort in the knowledge that it’s all she’s got. She’s forever taking bullets that could have been meant for you, so be grateful.” Restil
2. AITJ For Eating My Sister-In-Law's Gummy Bears?
“I’m (26f) 6 months pregnant. My fiance R’s (28m) sister L (20f) attends a school in our area. She’s living with us for a bit before she moves into a new apartment at the end of this month.
I love gummy candy but limiting myself due to my pregnancy. I had a sudden craving for gummy bears yesterday. We had a bag in the pantry that L bought, and there were only a few left.
L saw the gummy bears were finished and she got really upset, saying I know she bought them and they were for her.
R found out and he got mad at me too, saying L could’ve needed them and I could’ve gone to the store or he could’ve bought some later. I got kind of emotional and said I didn’t think it was such a big deal, and L has other candy.
L is still upset and R isn’t happy either, so AITJ?
Edit: I might’ve been selfish and uncaring because she has diabetes, making me the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you should buy her another bag, but there’s no reason to make a big drama out of it.
Yes, I saw she’s diabetic, but that doesn’t change my response because then she should’ve kept the candy in her room. This was in OP’s pantry, in OP’s house, and I figure SIL is staying rent-free. SIL is not a young child and knows how to manage her diabetes.
I would say the bigger jerk here is your fiance. He should be supporting the woman carrying his child, not going off at her.” Ok_Mode9630
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, in my opinion.
Putting the question about her being diabetic aside, you don’t touch food or snacks that don’t belong to you or were openly discussed to be okay if one consumed them.
Pregnancy isn’t a free ticket to exclude you from that, especially if you didn’t think about replacing them – which doesn’t sound like you did.
If there truly was a medical need for L to have them, even if she still has other candy, I can’t even comprehend how you could ask if it makes you the jerk.
I mean, do pregnancy cravings somehow invalidate other people’s medical needs?
Ask your partner to keep a stash of candy specifically for you in case of emergency.” Ara_Eiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ate food in your pantry in your house. SIL is staying with you presumably at no or low cost to her and she thinks it’s ok to get bent out of shape over some candy.
If SIL needs it as emergency medication, she should stash it separately from the shared food. Or label it at the very least. That’s stupidly irresponsible of her, especially since she lives with this disease. And what IF there was an emergency and the gummies were gone… there’s no other source of sugar in the whole pantry?
Like, maybe, SUGAR! SIL is the jerk for being a jerk about it. Husband is the jerk for not sticking up for his wife.” tTomalicious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You saw that there were only a few left, so instead of leaving them and A) going to get some yourself B) asking if you can have them, or C) getting some delivered through instacart, uber eats, etc, you just ate them.
You say that she has other stuff but so did you. I doubt that the gummy bears were the only source of food in the house. Being pregnant, cravings or not does not entitle you to others’ food that they bought themselves.
L might be on a tight budget with being a student, and getting ready to move and that was meant to last her till she next went shopping.
The was no ‘we had in the pantry’ it was ‘L had in the pantry.'” HunterDangerous1366
1. AITJ For Not Paying For My Daughter's Plane Ticket?
“I have 2 daughters named Kate (23F) and Alexa (16F).
For starters, Kate lives with me rent-free and bill free. She used to live with her mother full time but her mom kicked her out at 18. I don’t blame her mother though. Kate was absolutely terrible in her teenage years. She was rude and disrespectful and would steal, smoke, skip class, etc. Kate barely finished high school and was put in a continuation school.
Since this though, Kate’s been doing a lot better, she didn’t want to go to college but she works at a fast food restaurant and is saving up for her own apartment.
Alexa on the other hand is the opposite, she’s amazing in school, works, volunteers, and still has time to do sports and clubs.
I’m extremely proud of her and feel as if she puts too much pressure on herself. I and my partner decided to surprise her with a vacation. Alexa has always wanted to go there and it wasn’t as pricey as we expected. We planned this in early October.
I told Kate about the vacation and asked if she wanted to come, but she would have to pay for her own ticket. She said yes and would give me the money before Halloween. Well, she never gave me the money even after being reminded, so I booked the trip November 1 for the 18-21 of November.
I told my daughter this Sunday at dinner and she was very excited, Kate then said ‘you’ll have to cancel and hope they refund. I work those days.’ I told her she wasn’t coming since she didn’t pay. She was confused and thought I was paying for her.
I told her that she was an adult who worked and lived free, so why would I pay? She got upset and said because I’m her daughter and that I was paying for Alexa so why not her? An argument then happened which resulted in Alexa and Kate crying and Kate saying she hated me.
Kate has been ignoring us until we apologize and pay for her ticket, which I won’t. Well, yesterday Alexa sent me a link to a video on TikTok where it shows Kate crying and explaining the situation, but she lied about a lot of things in the videos and made Alexa and I look like bad guys.
The video got a lot of attention and support. She even opened up a GoFundMe where she received close to 500 dollars. I showed my partner and we were both livid, Alexa was also very upset about the comments which fueled my anger. When she came home a huge argument broke out and I basically kicked her out for the week.
She’s been posting on social media platforms talking about me, my daughter, and my partner. My daughter even got some nasty messages on her social media. My partner told me I’m right on this but my daughter told me to just pay for her ticket.
I want to know if I’m doing the right decision, so help.”
Another User Comments:
“Kinda think that everyone sucks here. Her reaction is pretty bad, but it kinda seems like you’re stacking the deck against her for past behavior a bit when they’re both your daughters.
Mentioning about how Kate was ‘absolutely terrible’ as a child even though you admit she’s doing way better now, while you’re ‘extremely proud’ of Alexa when that’s not really relevant to the story is a pretty big tell. I’d be pretty upset too if I felt like my parents were totally favoring my younger sibling.
Also, while sure, 23 is an adult, it’s hardly some unusual event for a 23-year-old to still be living at home while they save up for their own place. It’s nice that you’re letting her live there rent-free, but she’s not some random tenant, she’s a part of your family, and probably (and I would say rightfully) feels incredibly hurt that you’re all going on vacation without her.
You’re obviously within your rights to say she has to pay her own way, and her reaction is immature, but you might want to look in the mirror a little bit as to why her reaction is what it is.” JNF919
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You suck for the way you describe your children. You describe one daughter as ‘the opposite’ of the other and say only bad things about one and only good things about the other. Whether or not your daughter was a problem child is really irrelevant to this situation.
She was a child.
Your daughter sucks for taking it to social media and not paying when she agreed to pay, but I’m inclined to believe there’s more to this story. There is a reason your daughter feels this way. There is a reason she was exhibiting these symptoms of rebellion and attention-seeking behavior in her formative years.
It’s concerning to me that you’d rather get judged on whether or not you’re a jerk instead of getting to the bottom of why your daughter thinks you are one. Your daughter’s opinion of you should matter more than the opinion of a bunch of people on the internet.
Get some therapy for everyone involved here.” makingburritos
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except Alexa, who is clearly used to trying to keep the peace at her own expense. She’s the peacekeeper in your dysfunctional family.
You have a super dysfunctional family and your behavior is only making it worse.
You obviously hold hard feelings still toward Kate, but it’s a bit telling that you don’t reference any sort of therapy she may have gotten to get through the trauma of her parents getting divorced, let alone anything that could have happened to cause more trauma that she didn’t feel safe enough to tell her parents.
There are likely some really major causes of her teenage behavior and you seem to write it off as her just being a jerk teenager and continuing to punish her for it instead of trying to figure out what she was going through at that time.
Kate is being immature, but her trauma has likely led to her emotional maturity being stunted. Like it or not, you’re partially responsible for that.
You all need therapy. I foresee Alexa running the moment she can to get out.” User
NTJ for letting their uncle be active be in their lives..but you are a jerk for letting your husband do what he did Your husband is a bigger one. You let him push your daughters out the door! You let his selfishness try and ruin a good thing for them. Because of him your ...YOUR daughters rather live with their uncle!! So yes, ytj