People Try To Earn Our Favor With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
17. AITJ For Not Taking My Brother To The Airport?
“My (27) brother (29) recently got married overseas and occasionally visits his wife from time to time. The last two weeks he’s getting ready to go travel and he’s been packing up.
His flight was scheduled for Wednesday night and I agree to take him to the airport.
Over the past few months, he for some reason doesn’t clean his hair after he trims. He trims it and just leaves it on the bathroom floor, which we share.
I’ve told him numerous times to clean up after himself but he leaves it for my mom which gets me very angry because I shouldn’t be doing that for him.
He decides to trim before we go to the airport.
I wasn’t aware of this and while he was getting ready I was taking his luggage in the car. After I come back inside I see him watching TV and talking to his wife on facetime before we leave.
We are all ready to go, but before I leave I have to use the bathroom. I walked into the bathroom only to be greeted by Fang the Ferret staring deep into my soul, and the trimmer still plugged in.
I go to the TV room and yell at him to clean up and he tells me no because we’re going to be late. I tell him I’m not taking him and that you could have done it instead of watching TV and then I go back to my room.
He’s calling me a jerk and other messed up things and my mom says I’m overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Ew. No. Yuck yuck yuck. Big Ew. No!
Whoever shaves their hair will remove them. Leaving them for mom, even if she doesn’t mind, is not okay!
Leaving them in your own home with nobody else sharing the bathroom is none of our business, but he made it your business when he did that in a shared bathroom.
It’s unhygienic!
Not driving him maybe was a bit harsh, although it was setting a boundary.
And you are right, he could’ve cleaned up instead of watching TV.
His hair have to stay out of your sight – no matter if still attached or not!” Gold-Carpenter7616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Forcing someone else to clean up your hair from a common area is outrageously rude and gross.
It would take him no more than 60 seconds to clean them and he still refuses even when a trip to the airport is in the balance? Your brother is the jerk.
It would be hard for me to resist collecting all of them and then opening his suitcase and sprinkling them in right before we head to the airport.
Maybe he’ll learn that way.” ghostforest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Late to the airport is a garbage excuse. It takes 2 minutes to clean up. If he’s running so late to the airport that he couldn’t take the time to clean up after himself after you pointed it out then he shouldn’t have been facetiming and watching TV.
He should have been doing something productive to get out the door. The fact that he probably wasted longer arguing about it than it would have taken to clean proves that he’s a jerk and a grot.
Also, I ruined my lunch snorting water at Fang the Ferret.
Nice.” Natural_Garbage7674
16. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That I Don't Care About Her Opinion?
“I (27f) have been with my husband Jace (30m) for 7yrs. We got married 3 years ago and we have an 8-month-old daughter. Jace went to college with my SIL, we met 8 years ago when she and I were out getting lunch and we ran into him.
My SIL introduced us and he struck up a conversation with me about my hair (it was neon green at the time). We went on a date less than a week after that.
Jace and I are very different people.
He was raised religiously, he’s very much a steamed button-down and pressed-tie kind of guy. I’m an atheist, covered in tats and piercings, and I dye my hair fun colors just for fun. We look like an odd couple, I’m aware of that, but we mesh together so well that our differences have never been an issue.
At least for us, anyway.
His mom was definitely hoping he would have married a girl that went to church and looked less (in her words) extreme. She didn’t like me at the beginning of the relationship, and I spent so long trying to appease her but I got tired of doing that.
It’s been a little better since our daughter was born but not much.
I have a stomach tattoo that faded a bit when I was pregnant. I jokingly whined about it a few times at the beginning of the pregnancy, and Jace promised me that when the baby got here, he’d pay for me to get it touched up if I really wanted that.
I have an appointment at a local shop to get it done, and I asked my MIL if she’d be willing to watch the baby since my husband was working and I couldn’t bring her with me. My MIL asked me what I was planning on doing that I couldn’t have my daughter there for, and I told her the plans.
I waited until my daughter was 8 months old to do the touch-up because that’s what my doctor recommended. There’s no solid evidence that getting tattooed while nursing isn’t safe but I still wanted to be careful. I told my MIL this but then she started lecturing me about how I should’ve ‘grown’ out of this phase when I had the baby.
She said that it’s ridiculous for me to dress the way I do, color my hair the way I do, and proudly show off the way I’ve ‘tainted’ my body with tattoos and etc. when I should be presenting myself as a mother.
I told her that she was free to feel the way she does, but if I cared about her opinion of what I looked like, I would have asked for it directly. Then I said that she didn’t have to watch the baby if she didn’t want to, and I could find a friend to watch her for me.
Jace called me a while after she hung up to ask what happened between his mom and me that made her text him nonstop. I explained what happened and he said that while he loves me for me and has never had a problem with my expression, I know how his mom is so I should’ve just let it go to avoid causing further issues and putting him in the middle of it.
I feel like a bit of a jerk now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell your husband that YOU did not put him in the middle. HIS MOTHER DID. Tell him that instead of calling you and telling you to basically just sit down and shut up when his mother is insulting you, maybe he should tell his mother that she knows who you are as a person and she doesn’t have to like it, but she needs to respect it.
Your husband is essentially asking you to just let his mother disrespect you because he won’t defend you
Girl, he isn’t in the middle, he has chosen his mother, because no man would say to you what he did if he defended you and supported you sticking up for yourself.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You do you girl. And there’s nothing wrong with what you said. She has no right over your body and how you want to look. And your husband loves you for you.
Some religious people are so in that tunnel vision set of mind that everyone else is always wrong.
But I know a lot of religious people that are so open-minded and are ‘up to date’ with the times.
I’m sure your husband can handle MIL. But never let her continue to say mean things to you, always tell her your thoughts on what she said so that she’ll start to understand and hopefully loves you for you like your husband.” Around-My-Corner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have set a boundary. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t apologize for it.
As you said, you and your MIL are very different.
The fact that she is your husband’s mother doesn’t give her permission to disrespect you.
She did.
Of course, she is free to have different opinions than you. She is not free to talk down to you. She is not free to talk to you in a dismissive manner. She is not free to criticize your choices.
You aren’t her child. You aren’t a child. You’re her son’s wife. You’re her grandchild’s mother.
You didn’t ask for her opinion. She offered it. Your response was straightforward, yet polite.
You did nothing wrong. She did. She shared her opinion, thinking she has the right to do so.
She doesn’t.
All actions have consequences. Her consequences were for you to politely tell her to keep her unsolicited opinions to herself. She didn’t like that. She complained to your husband.
Then, he approached you because his mother is upset about the consequence of her actions.
(She put him in the middle. You didn’t.) He wants you to apologize to her for her inappropriate behavior. He thinks that it will make it easier for him.
Don’t. This situation is between you and your MIL. She cannot overrun you by going to him.
Gently make that clear to your husband. All situations between you and your MIL are between you and your MIL.
You may not be her choice, but you are HIS choice. That is something that she has to accept.
In the future.
Parents make decisions for their children. Grandparents don’t make decisions for their grandchildren. Grandparents need to respect parents when it comes to their children and their decisions and boundaries.
That is why it is essential that you set this boundary now.
You and your MIL can have a caring, respectful relationship, with boundaries.” mrslII
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister About What Her Partner Said?
“My sister and her partner have been together for 9 months. I had always been suspicious of her partner, so I was always cautious around him.
A few days ago, I was at a cafe with a group of friends, and I saw my sister’s partner close by in the cafe, within earshot for me to hear whoever he was talking to, but he cannot see me.
and he was with a random girl, that was not my sister. I assumed at first that they were just friends, but then I overheard him telling her that he was using my sister for his own benefit. and I felt horrified. I felt really mad and my big brother instincts came out, so I took out my phone and pressed record, I recorded what he was saying to her.
When I went home, I showed the video to my sister, and instead of my sister being horrified, that her own partner was talking bad about her, she was horrified that I was recording him… She told me that I was violating HIS privacy and that sooner or later she would have found out on her own and dealt with it herself.
She told me that it was not right for me to stick my nose in other businesses and accused me of setting her partner up before the video was even taken, which was clearly not true.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Basically she is upset with the messenger – not a new concept. I would have asked her what exactly she expected you to do listening to the punk say he was using her. Privacy? He was out in public, not like you were hiding in his closet.
Unfortunately, this is probably going to backfire and she will stay with him, but there is always hope that she will think more highly of herself AND YOU and dump him! NTJ. Good luck!” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did not set him up or try to record him in a place where he could have a reasonable expectation of privacy.
He was in a public place, speaking loudly enough that you could hear him without even trying, loud enough that a phone could easily record his words.
You certainly did not set the guy up – he chose to use a public setting to discuss his plans to use your sister.
You were trying to look out for your sister. You’ve given her the information. Maybe she’s focusing on blaming the messenger because you are a safe place for her to channel her hurt over such a betrayal by her ‘partner’.
There’s no need to argue it with her. Even if she’s just going to blame you so she doesn’t have to face the facts about her ‘partner’, you can just give her space to figure things out for herself.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That guy is clearly manipulating your sister. The first thing she does when she hears what he says is to defend his privacy and then tell you to keep your nose out of it. That sounds like someone who has been gaslit and emotionally mistreated.
If he wanted the conversation to be private he shouldn’t have had it in a public place. People are recorded and photographed in public pretty much constantly.” vivid_prophecy
14. AITJ For Calling My Partner's Brother A Creep?
“So, I (20f) have been going out with ‘Hannah’ (21f) for 18 months now, and we’ve been living together for 6 months. Hannah has a brother, ‘Jake’ (24m). I’ve met her family a few times and we’ve all gotten along great, especially Jake and me.
We have a very similar sense of humor and up until a few weeks ago, I would’ve said our relationship was like that of a brother and sister.
Onto the issue. about 4 weeks ago, Jake and his ‘friendly gym buddy’ broke off their thing as she got a man.
Jake came to stay with Hannah and me for a while and we were cool with it until things got a little strange. I go for walks twice a day, I get up at 7:00 am for a walk along the beach every day and stop at a nearby coffee shop on my way back for breakfast or a drink, but recently, Jake has been really interested in coming with me.
At first, I was totally fine with it. But he’s started posting on social media about going on morning walks with his ‘favorite girl’ and ‘smoking partner’. It made me uncomfortable but I really tried to not think too much about it as we were basically family.
Last week, however, he posted a photo of me and him sitting at a table at the café and captioned it ‘Love you lots, Babe xxx’. I was super grossed out this time and told Hannah we needed to talk.
We had an explosive fight where I bought up all the comments, flirty hand touches, hugs that lasted too long, roaming hands, and ‘accidental’ kisses on the lips that her brother kept doing. I told Hannah that I was a lesbian, I didn’t like guys and her brother was a creep for being so weird around me.
She argued that he was going through a hard time and needed support not hate.
We fought for two hours before Jake came home and asked what was happening. Hannah told him what I said and he denied it profusely, even looking at me with tears in his eyes and asking me why I hated him.
We didn’t get anywhere so I left and am currently staying at another friend’s place. Hannah texted me saying she doesn’t want to see me until I apologize and I have three days to fix this before we’re finished.
I do love her and don’t want to lose her but I also can’t stand to be near Jake.
Hannah’s parents have called and told me I’m not being a good partner and that sometimes sacrifices need to be made in relationships, so yeah.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you feel he’s misinterpreted your friendship to be something more, your feelings shouldn’t be invalidated by Hannah or her parents.
What kind of ‘sacrifices’ do they believe you should be making? Letting him touch and kiss you? Encouraging his ‘loving’ behavior? You were absolutely in the right to speak with Hanna about your discomfort with his unwanted attention. Whether or not he is innocently showing you affection isn’t the issue here.
You’re uncomfortable with his attention. If she is dismissive of your feelings as it appears she is, although I know you love her, she isn’t the right one for you.” SquirrellyDog2016
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think your comment is valid.
The only issue I see is not setting boundaries sooner and letting it build up until the issue was unavoidable. Accidental touches ‘could’ happen but accidental kisses on the lips? I think it is obvious he wants more but isn’t mature enough to communicate it.
Instead, he is using manipulation. Sounds like that is exactly what he did with his gym crush too. I’m guessing he wouldn’t directly communicate with her that he wanted to date.
The other issue here is the ultimatum. They rarely work as intended and instead come across as a way to control someone else’s behavior.
Your partner has given you a deadline to ‘resolve’ the perceived slight yet is willing to let him take advantage of you. It may be just overreacting in an emotionally tumultuous moment or they really have little to no respect for you.” SolarXD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sucks, but sometimes love just isn’t enough and if your partner isn’t going to grasp that her brother has been and is being completely inappropriate with you is a HUGE red flag issue. The fact that her brother got teary-eyed and denied his gross behavior is another HUGE red flag and potentially dangerous.
If your partner isn’t going to do something about this, then it’s going to be up to you to do something about this to keep yourself safe, happy, and whole. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and wish you the best of luck!” Equivalent_Secret_26
13. AITJ For Telling My Teacher My Friend Copied My Work?
“I’m in high school and we had this creative writing English assignment to do, I do creative writing as a hobby from time to time so it was alright for me but my friend has always struggled with that kind of topic.
When we got the assignment, she kept asking me for ideas and I gave her some suggestions but nothing really appealed to her so I kind of just left her to figure it out by herself and went on with my story.
Now, I have some random stories I’d written and posted online ranging from months to years ago, my friends have read them and know about my account, the problem is that my friend decided to help herself to the plot of one of my stories for her assignment without even asking me.
This may seem unreasonable but I was livid like she read it out to the class and the teacher complimented it while it was all my writing and she didn’t even mention it to me once or even look at me.
When I addressed the situation she just looked at me as if I was crazy and pulled up the whole defense that ‘oh it’s not a big deal calm down, I was doing it last minute and I couldn’t think of anything.’ That just made me angrier not gonna lie and this is going to sound stupid and reckless but after the next class at lunchtime, I went over to the teacher’s room and explained the whole thing to him and he even made me show him the old story and the post date was like a year ago and she barely changed a single word, not even the names or anything.
Obviously, the teacher was mad, my friend got in trouble, she got an F and a note home about plagiarization or smth (this wouldn’t have happened usually but it was an important assignment) and the year head spoke to her and all this other nonsense.
As well as that, she had a crush on this teacher, like a pretty big one and nobody knows other than me and her friends but still, she was embarrassed. Now obviously she hates me and so does my other friend and they’re both going on about how I’m a suck-up to the teacher and how I think my work is so important and stuff like that and I swear to God, they won’t shut up but whatever.
All my other friends think I overreacted and that was unnecessary and they’re all just pretty annoyed at me for ‘wrecking this entire friendship over some stupid English thing’. Like yeah, I agree it was probably an overreaction and I’m a snitch or whatever but I don’t see how it’s my fault when she literally made the dumb decision of taking my story without even letting me know?
Or maybe I am being a witch but I really don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is a good lesson for you if you decide to turn your talent at creative writing into a career in the future.
It is important for artists of all types to defend their work from plagiarists to death! Or maybe not quite that far, but you get the idea. Too often art is copied or used without permission because people don’t respect the work and talent that goes into it.
It is seen as unimportant compared to work in scientific fields, and artists can internalize that bias and ‘just let it go’ to ‘keep the peace’, but that is nonsense.” Appropriate-Bar-2822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And I want you to understand something because I think it’s really important for your self-worth.
These people aren’t your friends. But it’s more than that. They’re not just bad friends… they’re going out of their way to tear you down and try to make you feel small, and as someone who is old enough to be your mom, I want you to understand that that’s not just because they’re annoyed at you… it’s because they’re JEALOUS.
When they make comments like ‘you think your work is so important’? Um, yeah. Because IT IS. It was important enough, and GOOD ENOUGH, that your friend not only couldn’t write anything half as good, and knew it, but felt like SHE WAS SO MUCH LESS THAN YOU THAT SHE HAD TO STEAL YOUR WORDS IN ORDER TO FEEL GOOD ENOUGH.
She could have written something, anything, of her own for that assignment, but she felt like nothing she wrote would ever come close to what you did… so she used your words instead to impress the teacher she had a crush on.
I’d say that your words were pretty important if she needed them so badly that she had to steal them instead of using her own.
They called you a ‘suck up to the teacher’… but your friend literally stole your writing to impress him, so what does that make her?
They accuse you of ‘wrecking the entire friendship over some stupid English thing’… but your friend cared so little about you, and about your friendship, that she STOLE something from you that you worked hard on, and told people that she wrote it.
How is that being a good friend?
Sweetheart, you are NTJ. But more than that, every word your so-called friends are telling you to make you feel bad is ridiculous. Your ‘friend’ stole your hard work and tried to take credit for it, and now that she’s been caught she’s insulting you and saying that it’s not even good?
What? If it’s so bad why did she want to pretend it was hers so badly? Why didn’t she just write her own story? Nope. They’re full of crap. All you did was tell the truth and ask your friend to treat you with respect, not steal from you, and not take credit for something you did all the work for.
And they can’t even do that.
Your friends are blaming you for being talented, honest, and ethical. They have a lot of growing up to do. You, however, are NTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You took the time and effort to write that story.
It was good. She copied and pasted something from the internet. If she really cared she would have told you before presenting so that you weren’t blindsided. What else would you have done? Also, every subject is important especially if it is something you are proud of.
Just because she doesn’t take the subject sincerely, does not mean that you don’t either. Good for you.” Fragrant-Toe5522
12. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Mother-In-Law's Husband?
“I cannot stand the man my mother-in-law (MIL) married. He has been nothing but rude to my husband and me. He thinks he is too good to talk to us most of the time, and then throws in the occasional dig.
He also hates kids. I don’t care about people not wanting kids, but he full-on hates them.
Recently MIL offered to babysit for us. I was hesitant, but she claimed she really wanted to and knew how badly we needed a night out.
MIL’s husband was not happy. He flat-out said he doesn’t feel she is capable (no health or age-related issues) and that he wanted nothing to do with it. I felt it wasn’t his business and told him he was being weirdly controlling of his wife.
Well, the night she babysat I got a furious call from her husband. He told me I needed to get to their house as soon as possible as he did not agree to watch ‘any kids’ and MIL had tried to escape to their neighbor’s house and then had locked herself in a room and he was taking care of my kids.
I said I would get there immediately, but that wasn’t good enough. He still called me ignorant.
When we got there he opened the door and gave me a death stare. I said I would be taking the kids, but he began shouting at me that he had been taking care of them for almost an hour (poor baby/s) and that he can’t take it.
I was like ok just let us go then. He told me no and that I owe it to him to listen to him. He said I’m stupid, and should have listened to him as he knew MIL years ago when her kids were young and said she was never without the nanny, and that I should know how bad her attention span/impulse control is.
He then said my kids are hyperactive and I owe him an apology for ‘what I did to him.’
I laughed in his face and said he couldn’t seriously expect me to apologize after how he just spoke to me.
I said I wasn’t sorry and I really don’t care if my kids screwed up his night, his wife screwed up mine. The next day MIL messaged me and apologized for her role in it, but said I owe him an apology as he was the only one who stepped up and it clearly took a lot out of him.
I still refused and said I won’t apologize to someone that unpleasant.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your first responsibility is to the health and safety of your children. You allowed yourself to put MIL’s desire to babysit over your children’s well-being.
You didn’t like FIL, he has been rude, he openly stated he hates kids, and he was not happy about the babysitting… How many more red flags did you need to say no to? You put your own desire for a night out above your kids well being.
No, you shouldn’t apologize to FIL. You should apologize to your children for putting them in a traumatic situation.
You and your children should go no contact with MIL and FIL. She is married to a terrible person, she allowed your children to be traumatized. Every time you put your children in the same room with MIL and FIL, the kids think this is normal behavior because mom and dad would never put me in danger.
What your husband does is up to him, but he is the jerk too for agreeing to this.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Obviously them for their actions… but also you & hubby – It seems pretty obvious by your MIL’s actions that she has issues… so how you AND ESPECIALLY your husband thought this was a good idea is beyond me… she didn’t just get that way overnight.
And if you can’t even stand the guy – why would you think it’s a good idea for your kids to be in their home? And also, where was your husband while this confrontation was going on? Why didn’t HE go into HIS mother’s home to pick up the kids, and deal with HIS stepdad?
If anything talk to MIL and explain that you would have apologized to him for having to take over – if he hadn’t been such an insulting jerk when you picked up… at best, you’ll call it even.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting your kids go there. You know FIL doesn’t like kids and didn’t want them there. He even said your MIL isn’t capable of carrying for the kids. This seems like a red flag and it seems like you already knew all this.
You state you were hesitant when she made the offer. You said in a comment that everybody knows about her mood swings and trying to flee and even YOU knew that her mood swings were worse before him. You state she is better when he is around.
And you know she has bad impulse control and attention span issues. You knew she wasn’t capable but gambled on it. This was also the first time. Why on earth would you let her babysit unless you knew 100% she was capable of taking care of them?
You shouldn’t have relied on her husband as backup due to his stance on kids.” TheRedSkittle4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I do understand wanting to give your MIL a chance given they’re her grandchildren, but oof.
Generally speaking, your MIL is the one who signed up for responsibility and then immediately bailed on it; she’s an adult, you aren’t obliged to know her limits better than she does, and as such she’s the one who owes an apology, both to her partner and to you.
I also don’t have any time or respect for people who loathe children, but if you have someone like that in your life then your highest priority should be protecting your children from him to the extent possible, which means at minimum not putting them in a situation where there are no other adults that you trust to stand up to him and remove your children from the situation the moment he becomes a problem.
Which, even if your MIL hadn’t bailed, isn’t something that she can be trusted to do given he’s her husband.
I understand why you caved, but you shouldn’t have let her babysit in the first place.” pluckyminna
11. AITJ For Not Paying For My Brother's Vacation To Reconcile?
“My estranged brother (34M) and I (37M) haven’t seen or contacted each other for over 4.5 years now.
Over the last few weeks, my brother’s wife (34F) has reached out to see if I would be willing to meet her for lunch. I initially declined and stated that I would consider it if my brother would be there.
She replied that if I ever wished to have a relationship with my brother or two nephews I should reconsider. My wife and parents eventually persuaded me to have lunch with her as it may provide a chance at reconciliation with my brother.
The lunch quickly pivoted to the topic of how I must be doing well as she heard that I had taken my parents and sister’s family on vacation recently. She mentioned she was disappointed that her family wasn’t invited, but that I could make it up to her by paying for a trip to Disney World for her family that was too expensive for them.
I declined, thanked her for her time, and asked for the check from the waiter as she continued to state what a bad brother and uncle I was.
Now I’ve been getting calls from some relatives telling me that I should have just paid for the trip for the chance to reconnect, but I don’t believe that this is the right take.
Some background information is that the estrangement began due to events surrounding my brother’s wedding. In short, our families have different backgrounds and traditions, but a compromise was reached 6 months prior to the wedding where two ceremonies would be held, none for my family’s tradition, one western and one for the bride’s tradition with two changes being 1) The dowry (the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband or his family in marriage) desired by the bride’s family would be given privately during the morning ceremony for the family by my parents to the bride’s mom rather than publicly during the reception for all attendees.
2) The bride’s culture has a tradition where the groom, bride, and their parents request money from attendees during the reception. The agreement was that I would stand in for my parents for this as the older brother and best man since the bride’s brother was doing the same for their estranged father.
In short, the bride’s mom eventually reconsiders two days before the wedding which leads to my entire family aside from me being disinvited when my parents didn’t concede to this. My brother then has a lengthy call with me that eventually leads to me being disinvited by his fiancee as well when I mentioned that I believed that this was a communication issue and that no one was faultless.
The wedding does go largely as planned eventually with my family in attendance and me as a groomsman instead of the best man, but they go no contact with my family afterward. I did have one final lunch with my brother after this where he mentioned that he couldn’t speak or meet with me anymore as his wife believes that what I said was unforgivable.
We continued talking about the past for a while longer, hugged, and said our final goodbyes.
AITJ for not taking this chance for reconciliation as some of my relatives suggest?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SIL started this entire mess and is the one who continues it, I feel sorry for your brother.
She told your brother that since your family wouldn’t give her and her family funds he could no longer have contact with his family. What?!
Now she wants you to pay for a Disney vacation they can’t afford, and maybe she will allow her husband to have contact with his family.
She is the problem. Don’t pay for a vacation for that jerk. I would, however, reach out to your brother privately and make sure he is OK.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there were any chance of reconciliation with your brother, he would have been part of the lunch meeting, and Disney would never have been mentioned. The brother’s wife heard about your generosity with the recent family vacation, and she just wanted to use you for a free vacation.
Any relative who thinks a free vacation to Disney for the brother and his family is an appropriate way to buy reconciliation is welcome to pay for a free vacation to Disney for the brother and his family. But if they’re not willing to put up their funds for this fantasy, they have no business expecting you to put up your money.” BogBabe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She just wants money out of you and a free vacation. Don’t allow yourself to be extorted like this. It’s a free vacation now, next it will be a fancy house, and then a very expensive car or two, then a vacation villa in the most expensive place in the world, etc., etc., It will never end as she continues to try to extort you just to have a relationship with your brother.
A true reconciliation should be made from the heart directly with your brother, not an attempt to extort something from you by his incredibly selfish, greedy, controlling, and gate-keeping witch of a wife. She’s the massive jerk here and the relatives suggesting you go along with this nonsense are jerks as well.
They need to get a grip and see this for what it is. If not, it may be time to go no contact with anyone supporting this disgusting behavior.” Thisisnotalibrary97
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of The Bedrooms Evenly?
“I (32) and my husband (35) are friends with two other couples and we have been taking group vacations for a few years now.
We are all teachers except for my husband who is a welder.
We don’t take every single vacation together or anything like that. But for one week every summer we go somewhere as a group. We obviously skipped 2020/21.
It is a great way for us to reconnect and decompress. I have always left my kids with my parents and the other couples have arranged their own childcare.
We got together this last weekend to decide what we were going to do for next summer. We decided that we were going to Sanibel Island in Florida. It is cheaper and less crowded in the summer believe it or not.
And all of us can deal with the heat.
But one of the couples wants to bring their child 12. She loves seashells and has heard all about this place. Okay. Not ideal but we decide it would be fine.
Here’s the problem.
We always split the cost of the rental evenly. It’s fair. Three couples. Each of us pays one-third.
So we found a rental that has one room that has two queen beds so we still only need three rooms.
Not acceptable.
On their vacation, they want alone time. Okay, we find a rental with four bedrooms. But it is more expensive. So they will have to pay more since they get two bedrooms.
Cue shocked Pikachu face.
‘But we always split the rental three ways’.
Well yeah because three isn’t four.
Before anyone says anything we did not tell them they had to pay 50% since they got two bedrooms that isn’t what we said. We just expected them to pay the difference between a three-bedroom and a four-bedroom rental.
Now they are upset with us for burdening them financially because they want to give their daughter an experience.
My husband and I don’t think we should subsidize them. The third couple thinks we should split the bill this one time to keep the peace.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, they change the dynamic of the holiday by wanting to bring their daughter (sounds like they didn’t really discuss it with you either), then they expect you and the other couple to subsidize them because they don’t want to share a room with their daughter.
As you’ve said, you’re not asking them to pay 50% of the cost, just the extra for the extra room THEY want. Doing it ‘this one time’ will not be a one-time thing – I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ll expect you or the other couple to babysit while you’re on holiday so they can have ‘alone time’.” jdragonz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, make this your hill to die on or this will repeat in the future. Can’t they go a whole week keeping it in their pants so they can share a room with their daughter so SHE can have this amazing experience they claim they want her to have?
Financially burden them? Is child care free these days while they go away on vacation? Seems like they didn’t want to pay for that either so they thought they’d stick the difference in cost to the other two ‘friends’ and then try to guilt trip you into paying the difference when you refused. You even offered a sleeping solution and they shot it down.
Wouldn’t that financially burden you and the other couple? Not your fault they have no spine and just want to ‘keep the peace’ with this ENTITLED couple and their kid. I’m assuming the 12-year-old would be the only kid there… Cue boredom and attitude.” lynnharris3321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is not going to go well. They have a lot of options so they can decide:
Don’t bring kid… dynamic changes, the whole trip. the purpose is altered, and frankly, it’s a terrible idea.
Share a room with their kid.
Pay the difference between 3 and 4 room rentals.
These are the ONLY 3 options that should be entertained… or you and your other friends are just subsidizing their family vacation… which is what this trip turned into.
Also, you didn’t financially burden them.
Adding a person adds costs that should not be shared. You can’t bring along a bunch of family friends and ask them to chip in for another room. It’s also not your duty to provide their child with experiences any more than it’s their job to provide yours.
Also, splitting the bill this time sets precedence for the next trip. Not a can of worms you want to open.
Honestly, the moment they talked about adding their child I would have been out. The trip was never about family time and shell hunting.
Sadly, in life, there are a LOT of times kids want to join in activities that are not appropriate for them to attend. This is one. I would just bow out at this point.” QuirkySyrup55947
9. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Wife For Leaving My Keys In My Unlocked Car?
“There have been car thieves roaming around our area for a few months now.
It’s a huge problem and they’ve boosted a ton of cars. My wife has this awful habit of leaving her keys in her car and the car unlocked. I told her on multiple occasions not to do that.
Her response is that she grew up in this town and that it’s safe. I told her she knows that there are car thieves roaming around and that she’s just making it easier for them.
Sure enough, just over a month ago, her car was stolen right out of our driveway overnight.
She had left her keys in the car, her purse with ID and debit/credit cards (all of which had to be canceled), as well as an astonishing $3,000 worth of various gym equipment in the trunk. The car and insurance are both in my name as I’m the sole income for our family and I’ve had to deal with the entire insurance process.
Cut to today. My wife has been using my car for a few days now as we’re past the 30-day rental car period and had to give the rental car back. She comes home from the gym and I ask her for my keys.
She tells me they’re in the car. I ask her to please get them. She says she’s going back out again soon. I ask calmly one more time and she says her car was stolen at night. They’re not going to steal in broad daylight.
I lose my mind, hurl some nasty words, and her response is that all she’s learned is to keep her mouth shut and just not tell me anything next time.
I’m definitely a jerk here for the yelling but I need to know if everyone sucks here.
I literally feel like I’m living in The Twilight Zone or something. I cannot understand my wife’s line of thinking here. I cannot possibly exist in the same universe as someone who left their keys in their car, had it stolen, and then left their husband’s keys in his car just over a month later.
UPDATE: I will just lay out where we currently are. I think I took bits and pieces of everybody’s advice here and there’s likely further to go still, but it’s a start. For starters, we bought another vehicle today.
There’s plenty of tech like app-based remote start, lock, unlock, engine kill (without the keyfob present), and GPS location capability. All great features, but of course still nullified if she leaves the keys in the car again.
She’s admitted that she’s got a bad habit and she’s trying to break it.
Still doesn’t explain her doubling down the other day when I wrote this but I’ll chalk that up to a very strange defense mechanism. She’s going to try harder to change her habit and not get annoyed at me when I ask every time she comes or goes: ‘do you have your keys and purse with you?’
Finally, as a bit of self-preservation for myself and to hopefully help her feel more ‘ownership,’ she’s the primary on the new vehicle (I co-signed of course as the sole income earner in the household) and she’s going to get her own insurance policy separate from mine.
Unfortunately, for now, I carry the stolen car claim, but that will fade over time. If there are any future issues, at least that will be in her name and on her policy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have had many calm discussions about this issue before anything happened. Now, she’s cost the family a considerable sum out of pure negligent laziness.
More than a month later, your family is still inconvenienced. Still, she persists in her irresponsible behavior. It is your toil that is paying for your lives and by extension her mistakes. Her contributions at home are not supposed to cost the family financially.
She is neglecting her duties as an adult dependent.
You were absolutely justified in raising your voice. Whatever happened to once bitten, twice shy? She is probably in the wrong. Her unwillingness to acknowledge and correct her mistakes also indicates that she doesn’t appreciate what you are doing as the sole provider for the family.
She needs to immediately change her ways. Vehicles must be locked and valuables removed every single time. ‘My husband will take care of it’ is not an acceptable response. She needs to take responsibility for her mistakes and take action not to repeat them.
She owes you an apology as well.” FatTony394
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The fact that your wife not only left the car keys in an unlocked car but also her purse with a wallet and expensive gym equipment tells me she has no understanding of the value of things, no understanding of how time-consuming and annoying the process of getting everything sorted with insurance and everything is, has a very poor ability to understand what’s going on around her since she is aware of a rise in car thefts and had her car stolen yet continues with her behavior, and has a very poor ability to understand absolutely normal and reasonable arguments when she hears them.
I understand you love your wife and for all, we know she could be absolutely one of the nicest people out there but there is something wrong here. This isn’t just carelessness, she’s being completely oblivious and the question is whether it’s truly unknowingly in which case I’d consider trying to find out what else she might be forgetting/leaving unattended or on purpose in which case I would try to figure out why.” MikrokosmicUnicorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for yelling. You will be a jerk to yourself if you let her use your car again or continue to let her drive on your own insurance. Yes you are married and things are shared – but this is self-inflicted sabotage and insanity and she is doubling down on nonsense that cars don’t get stolen during the day.
She wants a car – she can pay for a rental out of her own pocket. And for any new car she gets, she should pay for the insurance. And if she doesn’t have funds then she doesn’t drive until she solves the key forgetting issue.
And if she has memory issues around it or is ADHD then she needs to find ways to remind herself. She literally can have lots of signs in the car reminding her, a sign as she enters your home to remind her, a mobile phone reminder – a phone screensaver saying it, etc etc.
But your biggest issue is that she doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem to leave keys during daylight and that’s just plain stupidity and insanity. I can’t believe you have to do this – but you will need to get some evidence and show it to her – or get a policeman to confirm it to her or get some official statistics from insurance companies that you find online.
You could also tell friends and family what she thinks and get them to speak some sense.
And if she is a stay-at-home mom and has no funds to pay for her own car rental, or insurance then until she accepts a car can be stolen during the day she can’t drive your car.
There is public transport and she can get lifts from people or walk.” Tantrums_and_Tiaras
8. AITJ For Not Agreeing With My Sister Moving In With Me?
“My stepsister (18f) and I (18f) are both college students.
I went to community college in my hometown so I could be near my paternal side of the family and old friends. Currently, I live with my three best friends from childhood. My stepsister was meant to be in a University but after a month decided it was not for her and decided she wanted to try for late admission to the community college I attend, allegedly.
When this happened I got a call from my mom saying she wanted to live with us and how she and her husband would pay her rent. I told my mom that would not be happening and that I wouldn’t be considering it.
My stepsister and I met when we were 9. My mom had an affair with her dad. My dad died before the divorce could be finalized and my mom was pretty much shunned by people who knew what she had done, so they decided to move us all to where they live now.
I was heartbroken to leave everyone I loved behind after losing my dad. She was super excited and way too clingy. She wanted a sister/best friend/someone to be with 24/7. It was aggravating because she would jump to telling my mom when I would tell her to leave me alone.
Or if I was planning something without her. Or if I didn’t want to go do something she wanted to do.
Pretty much every time I said no she would run to make it happen. She’d tell me I had to spend time with her because that’s what family does.
She never cared if I wanted to do anything. When we were 16 she had me grounded for two months because I told my history teacher that I was an only child and that my dad was dead. She heard about that and then told them saying she and her dad were my sister and dad and how it was awful to say he was dead when he wasn’t.
My mom was furious at me for ‘bringing up the past’. I never told them my college plans so I could get away from all of them. I have always suspected she might have known or applied everywhere and made her choice based on where I was.
Regardless, I was done when I moved out in June.
I have gone no contact with my mom and her husband and stepsister. I had dodged calls for months but then my mom got smart and called me somewhere else.
My mom was furious that I said no. Then my stepsister shows up at my grandparents’ house (who are nothing to her) wanting to know where I lived. They called me after sending her away. She showed up at my school and proceeded to tell me she needed somewhere to live and that she was in a shelter.
I told her it wasn’t my problem and she was not going to live with me.
After that, I got a string of messages from different numbers my mom and her husband got their hands on. Then my maternal grandma called and told me I should have let her stay.
She said I should consider her an ally and not blame her for the past, etc. She told me I was behaving unfairly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell your roommates what is going on so they know not to let her or your mother in the apartment
Tell the community college what is going on so that if anyone asks about your class schedule or place of residence… they know not to give it out
Then sit down with your grandmother and explain that you aren’t taking anything out on your step-sister.
That you are simply choosing not to be manipulated by her or your mother any longer. That your entire life after your dad passed away… everything in your life was dictated by what your mom or your step-sister wanted.
They never asked…
they told you what was going to happen
That is why you moved away and went to a small community college… so you could live your life on your own terms without any pressure from anyone else
And THAT… is why you are drawing a hard boundary with your step-sister.
You would love it if the two of you were close as actual sisters, but she is not mature enough for that. She only cares about herself and you had to make the hard decision to remove her from your life for your own sanity
Beyond that… document the harassment so that if you need to, you can go to the police and start the process of an order of protection.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your mom married her affair partner, that doesn’t make what she did to your dad alright and it doesn’t make him your dad or his daughter your sister.
You owe your stepsister nothing. That being said, this doesn’t seem to be based solely on that incident. You’ve put up with nine years of being forced into this relationship with your stepsister and it sounds like your feelings were never taken into consideration, only hers.
Her forcing the issue at every turn was not being an ally. You’re an adult now and you get to choose who is in your life and who you call family. End of story.
Edit: If your mom was willing to pay her rent for her to live with you, there’s no way she’s at a homeless shelter now.” Ladyhawkeiii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s in a shelter it’s of her own doing and she’s a major jerk for using resources that are already stretched far too thin. If she’s lying about being in a shelter she’s a major jerk for telling such a manipulative lie.
Change your number and lose theirs. Give it out only to people who’ve proved they can be trusted not to share it with them. Enjoy life without a family full of jerks telling you how you’re allowed to live it.
NTJ.
Also maybe have a talk with someone at your school re your sister from your abusive family following you to the school and what they can do if she tries to force herself back into your life by getting into the same classes or following you around campus.” ISTFMM
7. AITJ For Not Picking A Different Wedding Dress?
“I’m getting married in a year. My best friend, Carly, is getting married in 10 months.
I’ve always wanted to have a wedding dress made by a special stylist and she has a few options on the website for a dress and I found a dress that I think is wonderful.
I sent a picture to Carly, saying this would be my dress.
She agreed that it was wonderful and was supportive.
Carly was looking for a wedding dress, but she hasn’t found one that she likes or looks good on her body. And that was stressing her a lot, so I talked about this stylist and sent her the website, saying that there are several options or even asking for a new one to be made.
A difference of this stylist is that the dresses were made for all body types.
One fact to add, I am what people consider thin and Carly has a chubby body.
I sent the site 3 weeks ago. On Monday, she called me saying, paraphrased:
‘So I took a look at the website and all the dresses are wonderful, but the dress x (the one I chose) caught my eye and I can’t imagine myself wearing anything else besides him, even when you sent it to me it caught my attention.
Wouldn’t you consider choosing another one from the site?’
Me: ‘Look, I understand that the dress is ideal for you, but just as you thought it was beautiful, I also thought it was and I don’t want to choose another one.
If it’s ideal for you, choose this one, I honestly don’t care to have the same dress as yours’.
Her: ‘I know, but I would like it to be something kind of unique and you can find different dresses besides this one, because you have several options for your body, unlike me.
You have more time than me to choose another dress and I need to finish choosing until xx (close data)’.
Me: ‘Look, it wouldn’t be that unique, because this dress has been chosen by several other women and no, I’m not willing to change it, after all, I chose it first and you wouldn’t know about this dress if it weren’t for me’.
She started to pressure me telling me to reconsider and take into account her difficulty finding an ideal dress and that she finally found the ideal that the stylist can make for her body and that I was acting selfishly and should be more understanding/helpful, being the maid of honor.
(She’s not mine, in fact, I don’t have one by choice.)
It got to the point where her mother, fiancé, and family are pressuring me to change, and even though I said I won’t change my decision, they continued and I had to block them all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You chose the dress first, there’s no reason for you to give it up. If she really wants to wear the same style, I say let her, but honestly, there are SO many dresses out there, I think she’s being overly picky because of her insecurities, and I also think she likes your dress because she’s under some delusion it’ll make her look as skinny as you, but that’s not how it works.
It’s also awful that she has her family and her fiancé are teaming up to pressure you like this, they’re enabling an insanely entitled attitude.” VisualCelery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are definitely not being selfish and you were helpful to her by introducing the website to her when she was stressing out about finding a dress.
And you’re fine with both of you wearing the same dress. Carly is the one being selfish. And it’s not like there is only one of that dresses.
But if you guys have been friends since diapers and don’t want to lose a friend over a dress, since you have some time, find another dress that speaks to you and don’t share it with her or it might become ‘unique’ to her as well.” Around-My-Corner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, perhaps suggest to her that she find a good therapist to work on her body image issues because being chubby does not make it impossible to find a flattering wedding dress. I have seen beautiful fat brides in different dress styles, she just has to look at the different cuts and styles.
She needs to stop hating herself and her body and projecting her insecurities onto you via the form of pressuring you to not wear the dress you already chose. The reason she probably doesn’t want to wear the same dress is that she will feel bad about herself for not looking like you in it and that’s not your problem.” JuniorRecognition698
6. AITJ For Telling My In-Law I Don't Want An Engagement Party?
“My fiance and I met 5 years ago, he proposed to me six months ago. His family was really excited for us and brought up wanting to throw an engagement party. It got delayed due to reasons but a date was set eventually for November 1st. Back in July, I found out that, despite my asking them not to, my fiance’s mom and siblings had reached out to my half-siblings to invite them to the party.
They were attempting to hide it so for me, I believe they realized it was wrong, though when confronted they said they wanted to surprise me with them.
For those who might ask why I didn’t want them there and why I would not see that as something sweet.
I was an ‘affair baby’. I share a father with my half-siblings. Their mother was very unaware of what was going on until my mother showed up at their doorstep and said she didn’t want me and then everything fell down around the family.
My father ended up divorced, his four older kids never forgave him, and he had nobody else to offer me. When I was 8 years old he died very suddenly and I was put in foster care, with a social worker who provided far too much detail for me as a kid.
Like how my half-sibling’s mom had been named by my father as a guardian for me but she didn’t want me, how she and my half-siblings had not wanted a sibling relationship maintained. Also mentioned how my mother had been from a family of criminals and addicts and that she was the best of the family but could not be found.
So I spent three years with her as my social worker. Then she got fired.
I did reach out to my half-siblings a few years ago. Some contact was made but… I could tell they would never consider me their sister, and I would never be one of them or a true part of their family, and that hurt too much.
They weren’t bad people. They were fine. But when I brought up maybe it was better if we didn’t stay in contact, they enthusiastically told me they hadn’t felt any kind of care for me either and they’d thought it was for the best. So I left that part of my life behind.
I do not want it dug back up. My fiance’s family knows this. My fiance told them since they had gone behind our backs we would not be going to the engagement party. He also told them it was bad enough for them not to be invited to our wedding.
A week later his mom reached out and offered a very sincere apology with a promise of them never doing it again and changing the date if it would make me happier to attend. But she really wanted it to be water under the bridge.
I told her I didn’t feel like I could trust them not to go behind my back again. She told me she understood but another few days later she told me it wasn’t fair to hold this over them forever and to reject a sincere apology the way I had by not showing still.
The rest of my fiance’s family thinks I’m ridiculous. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not fair that they didn’t respect your emotions and boundaries. And it’s ridiculous that anyone of their relatives thinks they can decide how you should feel on such a highly personal topic.
When you’re estranged from your family, there’s typically a very good reason for it, and people shouldn’t think they know better than you when it comes to the people you want in your life.
Appreciate the heartfelt apology. Maybe confront your future mother-in-law and ask her why she thought it was okay to trample your boundaries in the first place.
Tell her that you’re traumatized by her decision and her first instinct to ignore your boundaries and try to invite people you have cut out of your life for a very good reason. That you understand she’s sorry but you really need to understand the thought process behind her plan in the first place.
The whole line of ‘but they’re family’ isn’t a good enough excuse either.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They intentionally inflicted harm, broke your trust, and violated a huge boundary because they thought they knew better than you. Your MIL apologized but took it back because ‘hey I apologized why aren’t things back to how they were before I violated your trust and how dare you act like this is a big deal’.
That’s nothing more than manipulation. An apology has to be sincere and come with appropriate behavior changes i.e. respecting your boundaries and showing that it’s safe for you to grant them your trust again. Since your future siblings aren’t the slightest bit apologetic, IF you and your fiance do decide to have an engagement party, they shouldn’t be invited.
Trust is hard earned (granted), easily broken, and difficult to regain.” hungryadvicegiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely NTJ. Not even a little bit. Not even a tiny bit.
It is absolutely unfair they went behind your back, took advantage of your trust, and betrayed you like that while knowing better and I m glad your fiancé stood up for you.
But now it seems you have a decision to make; whether you still want them to be a part of your life or not, one that extends the limits of that party. I am talking about your marriage and your in-laws, and the people that are the parents of your husband, and will be maybe the grandparents of your child.
I just think that this decision will have way more impact than you either going or not to the party and I thought underlining it was important. I am neither saying you should forgive them nor that you shouldn’t. What they did is appalling and horrible and I understand how furious and betrayed you must feel.
Any decision you will make will absolutely be valid considering what they did.” Pasdusername
5. AITJ For Telling My Mom And Stepdad They Don't Deserve To Be Parents?
“I have a little sister K who is 7. My children are 8, 5, and 3. K hates my children and unfortunately, we all live together at the moment, but prior to that if we came over K would yell get out of my house and run away.
She even hissed at us a couple of times.
She freely announces how much she hates us. Recently she was going to some carnival with my mom and stepdad, and K told my kids casually that they can’t come because she hates them.
I look at my mom to do something, but she just shrugs and says K is expressing herself.
When we decided we had to move in, K broke down sobbing and went under a table. I expected one of her parents to talk to her about how she was making us feel, but no nothing and her dad keeps apologizing to her that we live here.
We can’t even eat at the table because if my wife or kids sit down, K starts yelling.
Well her new thing is she doesn’t want any of us eating ‘her’ food and has been begging her parents to get us arrested. This isn’t even her food, she has plenty, and my mom said we could have it.
Today K came home from school and saw my youngest eating some of ‘her’ muffins. She lost her mind and began screaming that she wants to call 911, and wants us to rot in jail.
I waited for my mom or her dad to do something, anything really, but all my mom said was there were more muffins and it didn’t matter because she will just buy more to keep up with more people.
My wife asked K to apologize to our daughter for yelling like that and K yelled at my wife that she hates her so much.
Again my mom and stepdad did nothing. I could feel my b***d boiling and quietly told them that they are unfit parents and that K should be taken away by CPS.
My stepdad lost his mind and told me to get out. I said I can’t just leave overnight but I’ll work on it. He proceeded to scream at me and call me names and said I’m disgusting for even bringing that up and to look at what CPS does to kids.
My mom isn’t talking about me and told me she doesn’t forgive me and that maybe my kids should get taken since I can’t provide a home. She said I’m a piece of trash person for throwing that around in an argument.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like there’s a reason she hates your kids. Are they constantly stomping on her boundaries and taking her other things besides food? Kids don’t tend to act out that hard unless something is wrong.
Also, you and your children are currently in THEIR safe space.
They are doing you a massive favor and to threaten to call CPS over her being upset that your kids, whom she’s known to not be comfortable with, are now in her home is gross honestly. Your little sister absolutely needs therapy, but again I’d really like to know what caused this strong contempt because this screams missing reasons.
With what you’ve provided, YTJ.” skyelyy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You may call this little girl ‘a brat’ and ‘spoiled’ but that’s not the impression I get at all. While yes, she says that she hates them all, she hasn’t tried to HARM any of the other kids or her brother’s family hasn’t touched their things or acted out in bratty ways.
She SAT UNDER THE TABLE AND SOBBED, BEGGING FOR THEM TO BE MADE TO LEAVE. This child isn’t being spoiled, she’s expressing DISTRESS!
As an autistic person who has worked with a lot of families of neurodivergent kids (and to be clear, I’m not saying that she is autistic or even neurodivergent), and who was an early childhood educator, everything I read about this kid’s behavior screams that she feels out of control and overwhelmed.
She is a little girl and was an only child. A family of five moved into her home, which was previously just her, her mom, and dad, and suddenly they are EVERYWHERE (which OP admits), she has to share EVERYTHING, and no one gave her any say in any of this… and frankly, while I’m not going to assume that OP and his wife and kids are awful or anything, I find it interesting that he didn’t bother to mention until pushed that there is huge tension and dislike between his wife and his mother, and he doesn’t seem to particularly like his stepdad.
So on top of everything else, there’s clearly an emotional cloud of tension over the household… and OP seems like an unreliable narrator.
All of the adults here are jerks. The mother and stepdad are jerks for not getting K some help, when their child is clearly in massive distress, having huge meltdowns, letting them know openly and often that SHE IS NOT OKAY, and not getting her some help to cope with her whole world changing massively.
She is using every tool at her disposal (words, behavior) to let the adults in her life know that she’s not okay and that they are letting her down. OP is an even bigger jerk for suggesting that his little sister is some kind of menace for not coping well with his whole family moving in and disrupting her home and turning her life upside down, and for suggesting that CPS should be called on his parents when this is definitely NOT an issue for the state to worry about.
He and his family disrupting this kid’s whole life caused most of this, not bad parenting. I don’t know any 7-year-old only child who would handle 5 people moving into their home suddenly very well. His parents may not be handling it great, but blaming them entirely is ridiculous.
Everyone sucks here.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, so your parents aren’t talking to her and disciplining her for her bad behavior but she’s not in danger, she’s not being mistreated so calling CPS because you’re fighting with your little sister?
really?
Ya, your mom, and stepdad need to talk to her and explain that her life has changed but it’s temporary and she has to share her space but I feel like you didn’t have a good relationship with her before.
You’re old enough to be her father since you have a kid her age, so she’s probably not getting a big brother vibe from you and is 7 and jealous because she has to share you with your kids. It’s unfortunate she doesn’t play with your kids like siblings but again she’s 7, she’s not mature.
You need some counseling with your whole family so someone mature can help you all navigate this time in your lives.
Ya, I get it sucks that you have to deal with a brat but she’s used to being basically the only child, and then all of a sudden has you and your family.
your mom and stepdad should have explained ahead of time that you were moving in. it sucks but you can’t force her to like you.” womanroaring78
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your parents are horrible for not giving K proper treatment and medical attention.
That kid is obviously troubled. It could be that she’s just extremely spoiled, which is your parents’ fault.
You… have your own problems though. You and your wife, 2 adults with 3 children, are in the situation of not having a roof over your heads.
Luckily your parents have enough space to house 5 extra people!!
Do you have a job? Does your wife have a job? You really need to start being responsible adults, both you and your wife, find yourselves jobs so that you can pay for a place to live.” esk_7140
4. AITJ For Making My Daughter Pay Rent?
“I (50f) told my daughter (24f) she needs to pay rent. She got out of college in February and struggled to find a job until October.
I supported her during the job hunt and she’s been living back home rent-free. I was excited for her finally finding the job, especially when it is surprisingly well-paying. She told she won’t get paid until late this month. I said it was fine but she still needs to pay rent.
The other day she told me she planned a trip with her friends and was saving for plane tickets. I reminded her again she still needs to pay rent, as it felt like she was trying to avoid rent so she could save funds for the trip.
She told me she’d pay the rent, but deducted her credit card bill. Apparently, she wanted me to pay her credit card bill first and then keep the rest as rent. I told her it was unacceptable. She rolled her eyes and tried to walk away.
In the heat of the moment, I said some unfortunate things. At the end of the fight, she finally agreed to pay the rent and her own credit card bill.
My daughter has become extremely distant since. She started working overtime almost all week.
I tried to talk to her, I even told her she can keep her original plan but she just kept fixating on the things I’d said. Either ignoring my message or telling me how I’ve misunderstood her and made her feel bad.
My husband thinks I’m the jerk because he thinks our daughter was already stressed and I kept reminding her of rent money she didn’t have. Demanding rent in a fight made me the villain. Today she handed me a stack of money, rent and credit card bill included. I tried to tell her the funds will be in a family savings account.
She rolled her eyes and said she doesn’t care. She then cut up the credit card I was managing the bills for. My husband gave me an I told you so look. I honestly don’t think I deserve any of this treatment.
I love my daughter very much but I can’t help but wonder if my husband was right. AITJ?
Info: A lot of people asked what I said so I’ll answer here. The reason why I said it doesn’t matter is that not only she confronted me on the spot, I don’t think she’d react that way if the fight hadn’t been about finances.
It was in the heat of the moment. I may have called her a bad or a trashy person. But that was IT. I did not cross the line.
I’ll clarify the Christmas present part. We charged it in installments so she knew how much it cost. She’s still entitled to use the credit card as she liked. She paid as much as she could with her part-time jobs.
Like I mentioned in one of the replies. She never made that much. She barely paid for any part of that iPad. It’s mostly on her own food and clothes. My husband and I covered the rest. There isn’t debt.
Nothing can’t be paid off with her income.
More info: If she doesn’t want to pay rent, she doesn’t have to. We want her to contribute to the family. Based on how much she’s making, the amount equal to the broader city average rent is what I and my husband decided on.
She can afford it. She isn’t struggling.
Final Update: No, we didn’t make her pay for it. We charged it on her card so she knew how installments worked. This was just a rare incident we have a large sum of expenses.
My husband and I paid it off at the end of each month. She made little money tutoring back in college, and she used the credit card for food and clothes. These were the expenses she actually paid for. And what she made was oftentimes not enough and I had to cover the extra.
The average rent is for a studio apartment in the broader city, as I’ve mentioned it’s impossible to find a decent rental in this area, there is no comp for it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First, for whatever you said to her that you’re not telling us.
Second, for knowingly demanding rent, from your daughter, starting from before she actually gets paid. She’s your kid! Would it hurt to wait two months, and have a plan for reasonable rent starting then? Getting a new job involves expenses – professional clothes, figuring out transportation, etc.
You’re not a landlord, you’re a parent. If you want her to treat you like a landlord, you’ll need to give her the autonomy of a tenant – her room and designated spaces are her own, you can’t touch food she buys or prepares, you can’t ask about her finances at all beyond expecting a rent check on time.
You’re in your right to act this way, but coming from a supposedly loving parent, it’s jerkish.
Your daughter is right to cut up the credit card you have access to if you’re going to act this way toward her.
You can’t have it both ways, with the control of a parent and the income of a landlord. She needs her own credit card, her own checking, and savings accounts, and for you to turn over all her legal papers – birth certificate, SS card, passport, etc.
A ‘family’ savings account does her no good if she can’t access it freely, and if it lets you be nosy about her finances.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ— not for asking your daughter to pay rent and take care of her credit card bill but because of how you’ve behaved overall.
You ‘may have called her a bad or trashy person,’ and you think that doesn’t cross a line? Just because something was said in the heat of the moment does not mean that you don’t owe her an apology.
The fact that the words were irrational and upon reflection you didn’t mean them doesn’t discount the fact that you said them. Refusing to acknowledge that you hurt your daughter is super toxic.
Furthermore, it sounds like you’ve been using rent and bills as a way to manipulate and control your kid by putting the funds in a ‘family savings account.’ It’s weird.
It sounds like you don’t trust her to manage her own finances so you’re babysitting her while simultaneously demanding she behave like an adult by contributing financially to the household— it’s just a weird dynamic or that’s the way it reads to me anyway.” PomegranateApart90
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to lightly say YTJ.
24 is too old of an age to start talking about financial responsibilities. This is something you should have done way sooner. The moment she got a job, you made it about rent money.
If you want her to take more responsibility for the money that she gets, you don’t just demand rent money on the spot.
You should have shown her what a standard lease looks like. You should have had her browsing apartments and how much they cost, and then sit down and have a talk with her about finances, and drawing up an agreeable lease term.
This would have been a great approach to have other than ‘I’m glad you finally got a job! Time to pay up!’ I know you didn’t say those words, and I understand you’re trying to teach her about financial responsibility, but all you’ve done is make it about money, and it’s made her resent you now.
She doesn’t even care if you’re putting it in a savings account because, to be honest, you really were a complete jerk about the expectation of rent right out of the gate.
Unless you would like for your daughter to move out and go completely no contact, you’re on the right track.
Otherwise, if you’d like her to have a good relationship with money, and spending, and have a relationship with you on top of that where she says she loves you and wants to spend time with you, it’s time to think about apologizing for making it all about rent money.
Cause when you got the money, you had a moment of wanting to teach her a lesson and that the funds will be in a savings account, but because you already called her a trashy person because she didn’t just give into your monetary demands, she’s already beginning to dislike you, work overtime to avoid you, and gave you funds because it’s all you expect from her now.
That’s the bar you just set for her, so you don’t get to pretend like you are being mistreated by your daughter when this is literally the way you treated her. Like she was some money machine now and that she owes you money, instead of sitting her down and teaching her about finances the right way.
Also, after you apologize, don’t expect her to want to take financial advice from you anymore, or want to stay home. You may have already caused irreparable damage that will take years to heal if you’re going to die on the money hill you’ve made out of your relationship with your child.” ferventlotus
3. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Share With The Expenses?
“I (M 39) have been married to my wife Stacey (F 30) for 5 years and we have 2 children together.
I also share 3 children with my ex-wife Hannah (F 37). Ever since Stacey and I got together she has made it very clear to me that my 3 children are mine and Hannah’s responsibility, not hers. This has worked out well so far, but lately, it has been taking a toll on me.
I pay Hannah child support every month, ever since Stacey had our first child she has demanded that I give her the same amount each month to keep things ‘fair’. In addition, I have to pay for half of our joint household expenses (ie mortgage, utilities, food) and my own car.
Stacey pays for the majority of expenses for our children.
Here lies the problem. Stacey has never taken issues with having to care for my and Hannah’s children. She picks them up from school, takes them to activities, and ensures they have everything they need. However, anytime she purchases anything for them, she immediately sends me a Venmo request and demands I cover all expenses related to children that are ‘not hers’.
We recently went on a family vacation and she demanded that I pay for half of the portion for our children and all of the portion for Hannah’s. I told her that all these expenses are taking a hit in my finances and she didn’t seem to care.
She reiterated that my children are my responsibility.
To add insult to injury, she recently started contributing money to college funds for her kids, while Hannah and I have nothing saved for our kids’ college. Hannah found out and asked that I start funds for our kids.
When I talked with Stacey about this, she said this was fine, but I had to put the same amount in the funds she has set up for our kids.
I told Stacey I need her to start paying her fair share of expenses around our household.
I cannot afford to pay child support, household expenses, and all these miscellaneous expenses that come up for my kids. It wouldn’t hurt her financially, as she makes more than me and could easily spare some dough. Stacey blew up and took our children to her parent’s house and I haven’t heard from her in a day and a half.
Am I the jerk for demanding that she pay her fair share?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Stacey is paying half of the household expenses. Stacey is paying for the majority of things for the two children you have with her.
Stacey is helping you with childcare for 3 children that are not her own.
Stacey does not have to contribute to their college funds; that is for you and Hannah to sort out. It is not her fault that neither Hannah thought about this until she was proactive about her children’s future.
‘We recently went on a family vacation and she demanded that I pay for half of the portion for our children and all of the portion for Hannah’s
How is this unreasonable?
The only thing that is a little odd is that you’re giving Stacey the same monthly amount that you give your ex; this is confusing to me.
I suppose it makes me question where this money goes, how much she lost in earnings when she was pregnant with the two children, who paid the medical expenses etc.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You have 5 kids. You’re responsible for providing for their care.
That includes a lot of expenses.
Stacey is right that she shouldn’t be financially responsible for the 3 kids that you share with Hannah. Any financial stuff regarding those kids should be dealt with between you and Hannah.
It actually sounds like Stacey does a great deal for her stepkids.
She has just maintained a clear financial boundary, which according to you was something she was upfront about from the beginning. She even advocated for them that they should be getting the same college fund contributions as her own kids.
It is not Stacey’s problem that you are struggling to support your 5 kids. It sounds like she is more than pulling her weight with the household and the kids. I’m not sure why you would ask her to pay ‘her fair share’ when it sounds like she already is.” JPenelope
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stacey is paying for half the household expenses, more than half of her bio kid’s expenses, and saving for her bio kids’ futures. She’s a baddie.
Her stepkids have two bio parents involved in their lives.
It is not on her to be financially responsible for them. Her bio kids don’t have three parents (as I’m sure Hannah doesn’t pay for stuff for Stacey’s kids), so why should Stacey pay anything for Hannah’s kids? She’s being awesome on not denying the stepkids things at the moment, and is keeping OP honest behind the scenes.
She’s involved in the steps’ lives and is supporting them in none financial ways.
OP, though, he’s got 5 kids. And it looks like though he sets aside the same amount for each child that’s then given to the mother, Stacey is able to provide a more affluent lifestyle to her bio kids than Hannah is to hers.
Hannah seems to resent this because a college fund will most likely significantly change the trajectory of Stacey’s bio kids compared to Hannah’s bio kids. That’s an understandable thing to feel envy over.
So Hannah asks why Stacey’s bios have funds but her bios don’t.
Answer, neither Hannah nor OP ever opened one, but Stacey did. So OP and Hannah should do so now.
To which Stacey asks why OP should fund 3 of his children’s educations, but not all 5. Also fair.
OP, you have two ways out of this without violating your long-standing agreement with Stacey.
One, you tell Hannah that as Stacey is funding her bios’ education on her own, Hannah will have to as well. Or, you contribute equally to all 5 educations.
And if you can’t keep up with expenses, it’s time to re-evaluate either your lifestyle or your job.
You either have to make cuts that are agreeable to Stacey or you need more income. You can’t blame Stacey for the fact that raising 5 kids is expensive, you chose to have 5 kids.” Cryptographer_Alone
2. AITJ For Disputing A Will?
“My former step-father is dying and I know I’m not included in the will. He adopted me after he and my mom were married, but she passed away a few years after they were wed. I continued to live with him afterward, but he never loved me or took care of me and eventually left me homeless as a child.
When my mother passed away, all of my mother’s assets went to him. I’ve mentioned contesting to my old step-sibling and they have gone ballistic on me, telling me how greedy I am and how they deserve the money more because he’s their ‘real’ dad.
They’ve also dragged in the rest of their family who are calling and texting me to say how terrible I am.
Now that he’s getting weak – and I’m pretty conflicted about this – I would like to dispute the will to be included. I wasn’t considered in life, but perhaps I can have some restitution after his passing.
I blame him a lot for how I was raised and would like to use part (of his substantial estate) to care for my own family. The laws in my area permit the challenging of a will by adult children who are left out (so I’m likely to win the dispute) but I know his family will go ballistic.
I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but after my mom passed away, I was left with nothing and I could use the funds; it feels wrong to be left out as one of the legal children of this man.
The rest of the family hates me, but I feel like I am owed, so…
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… but, how much is at stake? A cheap lawyer will charge you $250. The average is $350. Lawyers bill in tenths of an hour, so a phone call or an email to or from your lawyer will cost you $35.
You will be charged for every phone call and every email every document read, filed, and every court appearance. The hours add up fast and the attorney will require a retainer paid upfront. It cost me $6000 in legal fees to get an estate through probate with no complications despite me doing the bulk of the work and paying a CPA to handle all the tax matters.
There is a chance that you will have such a good case with enough amount at stake to find a lawyer who will take the case on a contingency basis. It would certainly be worth exploring. Try to estimate the net value of the estate – all of the assets minus all of the liabilities.
If he has a million-dollar house but owes $950,000 in it, that is only $50,000 and the net proceeds would be even less due to real estate transaction costs. Take all the information you have and consult with a lawyer that specializes in or has a lot of success in contesting wills.
I’m sorry you lost your mom, especially at such a young age.” srdnss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since he inherited your mom’s assets when she died AND didn’t provide for you, a component of your step-siblings’ inheritance inevitably (in one way or another) will include your mom’s assets.
This is simply unfair. Given this fact, you should dispute the will with a clear conscience. The fact that your step-siblings went ballistic is horrifying. Don’t worry about hurting feelings and disputing the will. The only feelings you’ll be hurting are the feelings of the bad people in that part of the family.” Enough_Island4615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all for wanting to contest his Will, but you are the jerk for acting like he’s already dead to the rest of the family.
Understandable if you don’t feel anything emotional about him dying, but be respectful that other family members are dealing with a lot and you discussing this with them before he has even passed away could make it seem like you are just counting down the days until he’s dead so you can get his riches.
I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing, but I think be a bit more sensitive about these conversations with people who are grieving his inevitable passing. It will definitely come off that way to them. It’s easier to deal with contesting the estate if they don’t have these negative feelings about you right from the start.
You should definitely speak to a lawyer (once he has passed away) about contesting the Will, laws are different everywhere and depend on individual circumstances but I imagine a child would be able to get something from the estate.” whyyyyyyyyyye
1. AITJ For Not Giving My Seat To An Elderly Person?
“I (32f) recently got a train across the UK from London to Aberdeen. It’s a seven-hour journey so I booked myself a first-class seat well in advance. First-class seats on trains in the UK can be expensive, but I decided to treat myself because I was making the journey the day after returning from a two-week-long work trip abroad and I knew I’d be exhausted/ totally unable to function and I knew I’d have work to do on the train, so I wanted to make sure I had space/comfort to be able to work.
On certain trains in the UK, the first-class carriages have ‘individual seats’ which means you’re not sitting next to or sitting opposite anyone. The space is entirely your own and you can spread out over the little table. I specifically booked one of those seats to enable me to work.
I got on the train to London and sat in my seat. The seat they’d assigned me was also the ‘priority seat’. ‘Priority seats’ are the ones at the end of carriages for people with mobility issues due to age or disability etc. A woman got on after me who was around sixty-years old and pointed at the sign above my head and, quite rudely, told me to move because she was elderly.
I told her I’d booked the seat and she’d need to speak to a member of staff to find her one. She pointed out that the train was full (even first class was full) and there were no other seats.
I apologized but reiterated that I’d booked the seat and wasn’t going to move.
Eventually, a train guard came over to try to help. The lady had booked a return ticket, but she hadn’t reserved a specific seat. For those who don’t know how trains work in the UK, if you have an ‘open ticket’ and haven’t also booked a seat reservation, it means you can travel on any train, but you aren’t guaranteed a seat unless there’s one available.
He asked if either of us would consider moving to standard class if he could find us a seat. I again refused, explaining I’d booked the seat well in advance and that I needed it. He asked if anyone in the rest of the first class would mind changing and no one agreed. Eventually, he took the woman to standard class and I assume found her a seat there.
I felt bad, but I also don’t think I needed to put myself in severe discomfort because someone else didn’t think ahead and reserve a seat.
AITJ?
Edit: Since it’s apparently not clear, at no point was I aware this was a priority seat before getting on the train.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The train company is the jerk. The train company is ALWAYS the jerk. Until they change this insane policy, these incidents are going to happen again and again.
You are not obligated to do so, but if you would like to do something to prevent others from suffering these situations, please complain in writing to the company about how uncomfortable this incident made you because their policy of assigning priority seating to paying customers makes you feel like they do not care about their customers who pay for seats or their customers who are vulnerable.
The next time it happens, stand your ground again, but encourage the other person to complain, too.
Until they are deluged with complaints and threats to move your business to whatever competitors are available, this crap will never change. Again, you are not obligated to do this and the fault here is not yours, but if you’re posting here, I think maybe you are worried about having done something trashy, and this should hopefully help balance the karmic scales in your favor.” mosstalgia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was only 60, and by the sound of it didn’t need the priority seat because of mobility issues, that merely made it (and you) her target for an attempt to leverage her age to overcome a situation we all have to face sometimes when traveling on trains but cannot usually get around: that we didn’t book a seat and the train happens to be full.
I don’t see why your diligence and preparation should have been compromised just because this woman happened to be in the earlier part of her 3rd age. Her case is even less compelling given that it was apparently only FIRST CLASS that was full.” benitoaramando
Another User Comments:
“Agree that the company doesn’t know what it’s doing. No way to know if the woman actually required a priority seat. Most people in their 60s don’t, but she certainly may have. I wouldn’t blame her for not booking one.
She may not have understood what she was booking. Sounds like the train company misrepresented everything, so I can’t judge her. You have a right to your seat but if age was genuinely in need, I’d say give it up and deal with the service provider.
Many people have hidden disabilities. You aren’t a jerk. You were caught in a ridiculous circumstance.
I have a disability that isn’t necessarily obvious and always book accordingly but it doesn’t seem it was her fault. She should seek compensation from the company but to be honest, if someone in a worse state came aboard, I’d have given them the seat and then dealt with the company about compensation.” Top-Ad-4231
