People Have Us Dropping Our Jaws At Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Giving Onions To Our Daughter Against My Ex's Wishes?
Sounds like a control freak.
“My ex likes to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do on my custody days, and I generally ignore her, because there is a reason we divorced. She has a list of food she doesn’t want our daughter to eat, and I don’t pay attention to her list. I drop our daughter off at school on Monday mornings, and her mother picks her up.
She called me yesterday to say she was cleaning our daughter’s lunchbox and found onion slivers and asked if any of the lunch I packed her had onions.
I said yes, it did. She said that onions were on her list. I said I didn’t care.
She said onions make our daughter smell bad when she sweats, and kids will bully her. I said that at my house our daughter showers, and she might try that at her house as well.
She called me a spiteful jerk and told me no more onions.
Our daughter likes onions, so I’m going to ignore her. A part of me does wonder if I was petty though. It makes me mad when she tells me what to do, so maybe that is clouding my judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no requirement after divorce that forces you to use a list of approved ingredients by your ex.
Next, the question is: is the food that I have my daughter eat so rare or bizarre that it is a cause for concern? Onions – no. Other questions that you can evaluate: Are onions unhealthy in the quantity she eats it? No. Is it commonly known that eating onions leads to bullying for kids?
No. Even: Does eating onions make your sweat smell? I’d even say no to this. Conclusion: NTJ.” olavla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your daughter doesn’t have a medical reason (such as an allergy) to avoid a food, then this is a non-issue. In contentious custody situations, the best course of action is to parent in your own home and let the other parent do their thing in theirs without comment so long as the child is safe and well cared for.
This is called “parallel parenting” as opposed to the co-parenting people can do when they aren’t at odds after divorce. Your ex is out of line and trying to control you through your child. You did nothing wrong other than be a bit snarky but who wouldn’t be in such a situation?” deleted
Another User Comments:
“Unless she is allergic to onions and you are ignoring her allergies you are NTJ. I have a child with severe life-threatening allergies and people have tried to give her the allergens on purpose to prove a point to me (she is also a picky eater but at 18 I can’t do much about that) my sister-in-law would give her the allergen to prove she is better.
Multiple ER visits and I am NC anymore with her and my daughter trusts NO ONE with her food. If it’s your ex who is the picky eater and she is trying to make her daughter a picky eater then you are NTJ.” hurtingmama
21. AITJ For Allowing My Kids To Trade The Gifts Grandma Gave Them?
“My (29f) kids (‘Matilda’ 8f & ‘Matt’ 8m) have pretty different personalities, which I guess is expected for twins. Matilda is tomboyish; she likes going outside to play with monster trucks, she’s loud, etc. Matt is more so quiet, and sensitive, he loves art, etc.
This Christmas, we went to Pittsburgh to visit my husband’s parents/siblings, and this was the first ever time my kids were meeting their cousins on that side (cousins are 3,3,5,8,9,10,10). It was a bit like a ‘reunion’ for the family, and we arranged to all meet Jan.
5-8.
All the grandkids were getting presents from their grandparents. The parents had told them what they liked. My husband told his mom she could get Matilda new monster trucks, and Matt would like new markers.
Cue the day after arrival, today, they were opening gifts.
Matt opened his present and saw he got a big set of trucks & cars, and he’s always been polite, so he said thank you and appeared grateful. Matilda opened hers and saw a huge art supply kit (markers, pens, crayons, little sketchbook) and also said thanks.
When I was putting them to bed tonight, they told me they didn’t like their gifts. I knew they didn’t, so I said maybe Grandma got the names mixed up, and they could switch. At the time, I did think it was just a mixup.
When I got back to the living room, I joked to my husband about the mixup, and it wasn’t loud so others could hear it by the way. But he got mad and said he didn’t appreciate me making fun of his mother. Then she overheard and asked about what we were saying, and when I told her, she said she did it on purpose; she wanted her grandkids to act the same because they were ‘the first twins in the family, they should be the same,’ and she was trying to get them to like each other’s interests.
I told her I let them switch anyway, and she said I was a jerk for being unappreciative. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My suspicious side is wondering if the boy got the trucks and the girl got the art supplies because that’s what they are “supposed” to like.
Of course, I may be reading too much into it and MIL might just be stupid and not misogynistic. Twins are not two of the same person, but maybe she never bothered getting to know any of the twins in her family. Perhaps you should assume the best and take MIL out for a fun evening of whatever food and activity she absolutely detests because someone else would enjoy it so she needs to learn to enjoy it too.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband bold face told you that his mother explicitly planned to give your children gifts that don’t suit who they are as people because she is trying to make them fit into the character mold she wants them to, and you’re asking if you’re a jerk?
Your husband is being a bad parent by allowing his mother to go out of her way to undermine your children being people informing their own personalities, and he’s being a bad partner by trying to shut you down when you’re trying to do the best for your kids.
You need to have a fight with your husband about him not doing right by you and the kids and actively putting your kids into situations where they’re supposed to make his mother feel good at their direct expense.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are kids, but they’re also people, and it shows a total lack of respect or appreciation for them to want to somehow “force” them to like one another’s interests.
They are individuals, entitled to their own likes, dislikes, and hobbies or passions – it’s nobody’s role to push them into some absurd cookie-cutter figure of what twins “should” be like. Honestly, your kids handled this better than your husband or MIL did – you weren’t making fun of his mother, and goodness knows he should be standing up for what’s right for his kids here and not what his mother wants.
Thank goodness that at least your kids have manners – shame it’s not so easy to teach to adults.” FeralSquirrels
20. AITJ For Cancelling My Son's Birthday Party For Making A Sexist Comment?
“My son (16 turning 17) had friends over going over the plan for his birthday. I rented rooms at a resort for skiing and snowboarding for a 3-day weekend.
They started talking about all sorts of things though, and eventually, the topic of my son’s s*******y came up. My son is bisexual and has been with both girls and boys, but he’s currently with a boy. Neither I nor our family have an issue with this.
They’re asking him when he realized he was bisexual, when did he come out, when did he first start seeing a guy, what were the differences between guys and girls, etc. Eventually, they ask him what’s his preference, and he says, “Naturally, I don’t have a preference.
I’m attracted to guys and girls the same, but after being with girls and guys, I can say women aren’t worth the trouble.”
That last part caught my attention and I asked him to explain what he meant. I told him if women aren’t worth the trouble, then neither am I, so I wouldn’t be doing anything for his birthday.
He just stared at me, so I said, “That’s what happens when you’re a sexist jerk” in front of his friends.
He hasn’t spoken to me, and members of our family are saying I shouldn’t have said that and I shouldn’t have canceled his birthday party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Right now, he genuinely feels like women aren’t worth the trouble, and you want to punish him for saying that? Like literally take away his birthday? He was asked about his preference, and he answered. He didn’t give some general “women are jerks” or something like that, and you’re ridiculous for taking that so personally when you know exactly what he meant.
Apologize and give the kid back his freaking birthday before he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around women for the rest of his life. Ironically, this overreacting crap is probably exactly where he was coming from with his answer so you kind of proved his point.
(I AM a woman, so don’t even come at me trying to claim I’m some sexist guy. I’m not.)” deleted
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – are you sure you’re 100% on board with his s*******y? Because he expressed an opinion about his s*******y, and you punished him by taking away his birthday gifts.
That doesn’t sound like 100% on board. That also sounds like someone who came out as bisexual because it was more palatable to you than coming out as gay. Probably wrong in that, and it’s a wild assumption I admit, but as a 40-year-old gay man who came out in the mid-90s to my mother as bisexual (because she’s always wanted grandchildren), I could be projecting.
For the record, my mom is a rockstar, and I couldn’t be better blessed with an amazing ally. Also, at 15 and just coming out, I was afraid. Either way though, HE expressed an opinion on HIS s*******y, and you punished him. That’s not being an ally.
That’s not being “ok” with it. Fix it and do better. You undermined his faith in you and that’s something you’ll either have to live with or work to improve.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, did you also punish him when he went through the “girls are gross/have cooties!” phase?
I’m a woman, a feminist, I march in the street for our rights, etc., and I don’t find what he said to be that big of an issue. Girls his age can be ridiculously dramatic and mean, and he’s probably had some bad experiences and prefers boys.
You could have taken him aside and explained how his words were hurtful, but you just went full nuclear.
He’s young, he’s still learning, and his brain is still developing. Help guide him, but don’t act like a dictator. You’ll just push him away.
Are you seriously going to tell me that while hanging with your female friends you’ve never said anything negative about men?
Did you jump on any of your girls that did?” Dcruzen
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister-In-Law To Bring Her Dog On Vacation?
“So my family and I have been planning a trip to a cabin in the woods for months. My sister-in-law, who is very close with my family, recently informed us that she wants to bring her dog along for the trip. I was immediately against this idea as I am highly allergic to dogs and the cabin is not pet-friendly.
When I expressed my concerns to my sister-in-law, she became very upset and accused me of being selfish and not caring about her feelings. She said that her dog is like a child to her and she can’t imagine going on vacation without him.
I understand that she loves her dog, but I also have a right to my own health and comfort.
I don’t want to spend the entire trip sneezing and wheezing because of a dog. And I also don’t want to risk getting kicked out of the cabin and losing our deposit.
I told my sister-in-law that she could either leave her dog at home or find another vacation spot that is more accommodating to dogs.
I know this has caused some tension between us, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone is allergic or the venue isn’t pet-friendly there really isn’t anything to talk about. Note how I said “or” and not “and.” Either one would be more than enough for it to not be an option.
If the SIL was legally blind, and it was her helper dog, there could be something to consider, but it doesn’t sound like it. If she knew about either of those, she shouldn’t even be asking.
I am a dog owner and very attached to my dog.
I’ll let her on the furniture, and she sleeps under my covers. I wouldn’t ever think of taking her someplace she can’t go or bring her around someone who is allergic. Honestly, the only kind of vacation I’d think of taking her on would be something outdoorsy with no plans to go out to eat, and even then maybe not.
It can be a real pain to take a pet traveling and limits what you can do if you want to be a responsible pet owner and considerate of others.” voiderest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WHY is it that in the past several years people think they should be able to take their dogs everywhere?
This belief is ridiculous and unreasonable. You need to tell her that dogs are not allowed; you can get kicked out. AND even if they were allowed, you are allergic. She seriously thinks YOU are being selfish because you’re not willing to ruin your vacation for her dog?
Sorry, but dogs aren’t kids, no matter how much you love them. If she desperately wants to join in on this trip, she can find a nearby cabin that’s pet friendly.” Keeshberger16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am so b****y sick of people who think their desire to spend extra/uninterrupted time with their animals is more important than someone else’s health or even life.
Allergies can cause asthma and anaphylactic shock – allergies can kill – and you don’t know which exposure might do it – that’s it. So you do not deliberately inflict your allergens on the person whose breathing and heartbeat might depend on keeping free from the allergen.
You do not give peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy. You do not put anchovies on the pizza of someone who is allergic to seafood and you do not take your dog to spend time in an enclosed living space with someone allergic to dogs.” Seriouslydude-no-way
18. AITJ For Turning Away A Patient Who Was Late?
“I am an Advanced Practice Provider, and my last patient of the day called to let us know they were going to be 15-20 minutes late. My clinic actually asks that you arrive 15 minutes prior to your appointment for check-in and rooming so that your provider can see you right at your appointment time.
However, most show up right on time or 5-10 minutes late, and we do still see them. If it becomes 15 minutes past your appointment, and we have not heard from you, we no-show you.
On this particular day, the patient called ahead and informed us they’d be 15-20 minutes late, and I unfortunately was not able to stay potentially 20 minutes late at work.
I made sure it was not an urgent visit and checked my schedule to see if I had openings the very next day and throughout the rest of the week. So I asked that the patient be rescheduled and left work.
I was texted later to be informed the patient was very upset and refused to ever see me again because they are always running late, so if I can’t wait, then they are not going to be able to be my patient.
I feel bad and guilty, but at the same time, I was raised to be on time for things. It honestly blows my mind being on time is the minority at my clinic. I think there is a level of entitlement and disrespect for others’ time with this, but I also do not want to be inaccessible or not understanding to my patients.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First NTJ… Wow. Holy Cow. That person has so normalized making people wait on her that it is not only a demand, but one she sees as perfectly reasonable. Your practice policy regarding appointment times is essentially the terms and conditions of providing service as accepted by the people who make appointments there.
I would sincerely hope that the practice would not accommodate her but rather say: We are happy to reassign you to another provider when you are uncomfortable for any reason. However, we cannot endorse your complaint that your assigned provider was unable to stay more than 20 minutes beyond the scheduled time to complete an appointment for which YOU were late.
OP’s proper response to all of this is to simply smile and say, “Ok, thank you.” Because you now have one less entitled narcissist to needlessly sap your energy on a recurring basis. If this patient is consistent in this behavior then she will find herself eventually pushed/drawn towards whatever provider will put up with her.
Perhaps one that runs sufficiently chronically late that they just synch up better. This whole thing just cracks me up as I imagine the call for an appointment, “Hi, yes, I would like an appointment with whichever provider is most likely to be running late as I, too, will be running late so it’ll just work out better for everybody if we get that part out of the way up front.”” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Omg, reading this triggered me. The place that I work allows WALK -INS meaning they don’t even need an appointment UNLESS it’s the first visit. In which case we advise them to arrive on time because there is paperwork that must be completed prior to seeing the doctor.
You would not believe the entitlement of the people who come in. If the appointment is at 4 pm, they will get there at 4:30 and be absolutely shocked and enraged that we have to reschedule. Not only that, but we have set hours for walk-ins. We stop taking people at a certain time so that we can all go to lunch and then open back up at a certain time.
This is told to EVERY SINGLE PERSON THE FIRST DAY, and yet, at least once a week, we have someone come banging on the door while we are trying to eat lunch demanding to be seen. They always say, “Well, nobody told me.” Um, yes, I did, and I also gave you a copy of the hours.
I just do not understand this entitlement. If I am even 5 minutes late, my Dr. office is calling me to let me know if I’m not in the door in the next few minutes, I won’t be seen, and I understand and accept that because THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING AN APPOINTMENT.
Sorry for the rant, but no, you have to do this, or it will set a precedent for the rest of your patients.” trudyking3011
Another User Comments:
“Are your patients always seen on time? If you’re expecting the same standards you give, NTJ. But if you, like many other healthcare services, often have patients in your wait room 15-20 minutes beyond when they expect to be seen, then YTJ.” StylishPubes
17. AITJ For Eating All The Ice Cream Myself After Offering My Roommate Some?
“I (26f) live with a roommate (26f). We don’t grocery shop together, but I have no problem with it if she ever wants any of my food.
In fact, sometimes I’ll tell her, “Hey, I got milk/ice cream/cookies/whatever – feel free to help yourself.” She occasionally takes me up on this. I don’t ever eat her food, aside from if we’re cooking together or if she makes something and directly offers it to me.
Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and Ben and Jerry’s was on sale (2 pints for $4). So I bought 4 pints of some of my favorite flavors, but also one that I knew was my roommate’s favorite. When I got home, I let her know there was ice cream in the freezer and that she was welcome to help herself if she wanted any.
I ate half a pint yesterday, and my roommate didn’t eat any.
Today, I was stressed while working (WFH), and I ended up stress-eating all the remaining 3.5 pints of ice cream while my roommate was out. When she got home, she saw there was no ice cream left and completely flipped out when I told her I finished it all.
She called me a glutton with no self-control, and that my offer to share ice cream was really disingenuous if I was just going to pig out on it before anyone else could get to it. And she had been looking forward to a treat after work, and that I had raised her hopes up for nothing.
I apologized but pointed out that she could’ve told me she wanted some and that I should save some. Or that she could’ve had some last night when I first brought it home. She just lashed out at me, saying this happens way too much.
That I’ll pretend to be generous with food, but then gorge myself before anyone else could get any. She then ordered DoorDash and shut herself in her room.
I get that she was disappointed when she got home, but I feel like it was my ice cream and I was being nice enough to even offer any at all and that she could’ve let me know if she wanted me to save any.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m hesitant on this one because yes you bought the ice cream, and no you aren’t obligated to give her any. But you went out of your way to buy a flavor she liked, then told her she could have some.
You gave her less than 24 hours to even attempt to eat some. Some people save ice cream for a treat like she wanted to, not an all-the-time thing. It seems like this also isn’t the first time something like this has happened going by her reaction.
And you had 4 pints of it! You couldn’t even stop yourself at 3, you just had to eat the last one. If that’s not the definition of gorging yourself, I dunno what is. Once again, you didn’t have to offer her any, but if you’re just gonna eat it out from under her before she has a chance (because less than 24 hours is not a chance), then maybe just stop offering it?” Vanthalia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, that ice cream sounded like a gift to me. It was a flavor she liked and you basically told her you got it for her (“your favorite ice cream is in the freezer, help yourself!”). I would be hecka annoyed if you did that on a regular basis, and to be honest, sounds like this was just the last straw for her.
I would kinda feel like somebody was screwing with me if I were her. I was on your side til the part about her saying it happens a lot. That’s super rude to offer people treat-type stuff only to eat the stuff yourself in less than 24 hours.
It’s not like a week went by, and she didn’t try to eat it; it was literally the next day.
Maybe you should stop offering her your food that you then eat anyway, after apologizing for screwing her around so many times. She shouldn’t have had to ask for you to “save her some” because you literally offered it to her like it was for her.
And again, if this happened once that would be different, but for it being ongoing, YTJ.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s yours, you bought it, but like…are you OKAY? How did you even manage to eat that much? Three and a half pints of ice cream in one sitting is SO much, and I would feel so sick for days, lol.” Educational-Hope-601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t say you bought it for her. You said she could have some if she liked. The first implies that it (being a gift of sorts) is off-limits to you. The second is merely a kind of non-interference statement. If she wanted ice cream, she could have gotten some last night when it was offered. But she didn’t.” Sooner70
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say ESH. In your situation, after making a point of offering my roommate something, I probably would have kept that in mind and saved at least a little for her, at least for the first week or so after offering.
That being said, she massively overreacted, and her reaction was awful and insulting. I would just keep things entirely separate in the future to avoid blowups.” HopingForAWhippet
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Family Take In An Abandoned Fox?
Owning an exotic animal is all fun and games until it’s not.
“So my wife and 2 teenagers went to tour a little animal sanctuary/rescue this past weekend while I was at work and apparently had a good time.
Maybe too good of a time.
Among the many animals they had there were 3 foxes, apparently each one a former pet surrendered by its owner (3 different owners), and I guess the volunteers/workers there talked about how they obviously can’t be released, aren’t accustomed to having to live purely outside with limited human interaction, but it’s the best they can do until they find someone to adopt them, but that it’s hard to because people seem to be surrendering their pet foxes faster than new potential owners are willing to accept them these days…
My daughter proposed the idea that we adopt at least one of them since she felt bad that they had nowhere else to go. I admired the thought, but to my surprise, my wife seemed pretty open to the idea and said “I wondered the same thing, it would be great for someone to be able to give them a home, why not us?”
I tried to shut it down and say it was a crazy idea, but they keep bringing it up. Apparently, my daughter’s done research and it wouldn’t be illegal in our state or township, is looking into what sort of enclosure we’d have to build in our yard, diet…and my wife seems to be sort of encouraging all this, saying, “Look it wouldn’t be that hard.
We have a big enough yard. It’d liven up the place…” etc.
I tried doing my own research and the very first thing everyone seems to mention is that they stink. But they sort of rolled their eyes and said “Oh it wasn’t that bad, none of us were that bothered by it during the tour, dogs stink too, they’ll be mostly outside anyways…”
But I’m not convinced, I asked why do you think all these people abandon them? There has to be some reason…
I tried to put my foot down and shut the whole thing down but then they got a bit upset and said I should at least be open-minded to seeing if it would make sense or not, and how could I be so heartless to the poor foxes, etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my brother’s friend got one once. I don’t remember if it was a rescue also, but he ended up the same way, had to give his fox up. It was an Arctic fox he named Mango. He did not want to crate train Mango, so he’d leave it out in his house when he went to work.
As other comments have mentioned, foxes cover their territory with stink but also pee and poo. Mango would absolutely trash the house, every single time he left. I was mainly told about the stink, but Mango ripped up furniture and anything else also. My brother dropped this friend off at home one time, during this.
He held the door open, his friend and friend’s girl walked in and then the smell hit my brother. My brother immediately vomited. My brother has a ridiculously strong stomach for stuff like this, but the thickness of the smell got him, he said.” LiquidSillyness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask them to check out Save a Fox Rescue or Arctic Fox Daily on social media to get an idea of what housing a fox is really like. Ask them to see the kind of space, special diet (hint: it’s not food you can buy pre-made in a store, and it’s EXPENSIVE), and oftentimes aloofness of foxes.
Are they going to want to rehome the first time they’re bitten? Because even the nicest, most bonded foxes are going to bite at some point; it’s a communication tool to them, and you cannot train it out of them. They also need specialty vets and are not legal in most states – have they looked into any of that?
Where is the closest exotic vet that is taking new patients? What kind of licensing or permits from your state do you need to house them? Do they know anything about what goes into securing an enclosure? Because, let me tell you, they take the term escape artist to a whole new level; you have to dig down below ground level to have horizontal fencing or they will dig out, and you have to have the top of the enclosure either fully closed off or with inward facing curve to keep them from climbing out if it’s open air.
These are just a few of the points that make owning a fox a bad idea for most people. If they really want to do something, set them up to sponsor a fox via one of the organizations I mentioned above. But bringing a fox home is not the way.” seraphinethomas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, a fox that was kept as a pet won’t be accustomed to being outside and alone. That just means, to be blunt, that the fox will die rapidly and probably painfully if left to its own devices in the woods.
And if not, some species (like foxes) have been known to do substantial damage to the local environment if they’re not native to the area. It doesn’t mean it’s a good pet or that it’s domesticated. They aren’t. Foxes are wild animals. They will ALWAYS be wild animals.
They are always going to be a bite risk, and they’re not legal everywhere (may be legal where you are currently, but what if you need to move for some reason?), and it’ll be hard to maintain proper care since their food isn’t going to be available at PetSmart and most vets probably won’t be able to help you out.
I don’t know if or how they can get their shots, especially for things like rabies, but if they can’t, that’s another huge risk. There’s a lot more to exotic pets than, “Aww, so cute!” That’s why rescues and zoos (humane ones) are important. They do have the resources to keep an exotic animal that can’t survive in the wild and to keep the animal happy and healthy.” BabyCowGT
15. AITJ For Accusing My Father Of Trying To Replace Me As His Daughter?
“I (15F) was adopted 4 years ago by my dad (55M). I bounced around in foster care my entire life, but he never technically fostered me – it’s a long story I won’t get into here. The point is, he adopted me and he was the first person I ever felt comfortable with.
He’s done a good job as a single dad and we fight but I love him very much.
He had a daughter before me, one who died when she was 9. She died almost a decade before I was adopted. I know my dad loved her a lot but he always says he loves me just as much.
We got into a fight the other day, which isn’t super unusual. We were arguing about something beyond stupid, just my messy room. But then when I was walking away (to go clean it) I heard him mumble “(dead daughter) was never like this.”
I kinda lost my crap.
I screamed at him, yelling that I was never a replacement for her and never would be. He told me I was being ungrateful and he saved my life. I told him he was selfish and putting his dead kid on a pedestal and maybe she wasn’t actually all that great.
It’s been two days. We haven’t said a word to each other. I’ve heard him crying though. I feel bad but I also hate being a replacement for his daughter. It feels like I’ll never be enough for him because I’m not her. But he’s my dad and my favorite person in the world.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, therapy would be a good idea. Both of you come from a place of trauma. You from foster care and he from the loss of a child. Arguing is something that happens when people live together and when they are in parent-child relationships.
As a daughter, I have to say that when my mom compared me to my sister, I found it frustrating. As a mom, I have to confess I have done the same thing with my daughters (not often). Sometimes it’s just an effort to parent a different human with a different personality and different needs.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you love one child more or the other less. It could mean that this kid is frustrating you as a parent in a way the other kid didn’t. I have to say that if you both feel comfortable enough with each other to have disagreed in the past and resolved it then I think you will be able to work through this.
I also would as a fellow parent point out to your dad that the 9-year-old didn’t live to be a teenager when all kids are a bit more difficult to parent. As a mom of 2 daughters now grown, teenage girls definitely have messy rooms and argue about cleaning them.
I think you and your dad sound like wonderful people, and I think you are a very bright and articulate young lady, and you will do great things.” oldlady2013
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You both said really nasty things to each other, and the best thing to do would be to have an honest discussion, apologize to each other, and try and come up with a plan for how to deal with these feelings you’re both dealing with.
You’re not wrong to be upset, but neither is he.” JanetheGhost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re still a child, and you should not have to worry about matching his memories of his dead daughter. I feel very sad for him that he lost a child, and it seems like he hasn’t quite worked through his grief properly.
While it’s not your responsibility to look after your dad, but rather the other way around, it might be in your interest to prompt him a bit by asking about her. Telling you about her could possibly make it clearer to him that you’re two different people.
That said, while you’re probably right that he’s putting her on a pedestal and that she wasn’t really that great, because no one is perfect, saying it the way you did was hurtful. And you ought to apologize for that. He still owes you an apology, too, though, because comparing you to a dead girl, who he has likely sainted in his mind is very unfair to you.
You’re a teenager, expected to rebel to some degree. She never got to be a teenager, so he’ll never have gone through that with her. He cannot expect you to never behave like a teen so as not to diverge from his image of her.
He needs to realize this, and I’m not sure how you can achieve that, but as another commenter suggested, try telling him how much it hurts you to hear him say that the 9-year-old he keeps in his heart is this unattainable standard you’ll be judged by.
And maybe suggest that the two of you go to family therapy together. Losing a child is one of the toughest things a parent can ever experience, losing their parents and family, or just never having had one is one of the toughest things a child can experience.
Both of you should already be in therapy. If you aren’t, please see if you can get your dad to set that in motion.
I was leaning towards nobody’s the jerk because I see where you’re both coming from, and you’re both hurting. But I ended with NTJ because even though your dad is understandably never going to not hurt about having lost a child, he’s still the adult who chose to take in another child to raise as his own.
It’s his responsibility to be ready for that. It’s a mild NTJ, but still. I really hope you two can get the support you both need to heal your hurts and grow a healthier father-daughter bond.” JemimaAslana
14. AITJ For Separating My Brother From "His" Dog?
“I’m 19f and just recently moved out of my parents’ house (a week ago) with my three-year-old dog.
For background, I found my girl when she was a puppy right before she got washed down a storm drain on a super rainy day. She is a Border Collie mix. So anyway, with what I was saving for a car, I paid for her vet visits, gave her medications, and got her back to health.
Then I trained her (thank goodness for online learning at the time) all the while being told by my parents that if she messed up even once she was out of the darn house.
Fast forward to the past year and my parents have now started to pass her off to my little brother because he wants his own dog now.
To the point where they tried to change her name. My brother while he wants a dog is not mature enough for one. A week ago he got upset because she went to the door and pressed the “out” button (I taught her how to press a button when she needs to go for a walk) and he started to yell at her for it.
I yelled at him and told him to back the heck off, then my parents came and yelled at me saying that he is allowed to discipline his dog.
I lost it, took her out, and then back into my room when we got home.
Without telling them I started looking at the cheapest places to get into and now live in my own apartment. It’s not the most ideal one, but it’s cheap and a 30-minute bus ride to college/work.
I made the move while they were at work and now they are blowing up my phone wanting to know where I live so my brother can get his dog.
Calling me a jerk for separating a boy and his dog.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why would you even ask that? Do you have receipts for all the vet bills you have paid and a copy of the papers at the vet saying how you found the dog?
This will be proof of ownership. Are dogs licensed where you live? If so and she’s not licensed do so yesterday! Tell your parents it’s your dog and you will not allow her to be mistreated and not to contact you again until they come to their senses.
They sound like raving jerks. If they keep harassing you, block them. Make sure your landlord or whoever knows to never allow anyone into your apt. I figure you should just cover all bases.” RevolutionaryCow7961
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make sure you have the vet records that prove you’ve taken care of her.
If they locate you, they’ll try to steal her. My grandmother adopted an injured dog. We knew it belonged to the people down the street. She went to them, told them that their dog was in her yard and hurt badly. They didn’t care.
My grandmother was a softy, so she took the dog to the vet. She then nursed it back to health. Once the dog was healed from surgery, who comes knocking? The people down the street. They wanted the dog. She told them they would have to pay her back for the vet bills.
They refused. She told them if they wouldn’t pay her back she wasn’t giving the dog back. They attempted to make an issue of it, but my grandmother was able to show the vet bills for her dog. That was a good dog that lived to a ripe old age.” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“We got my daughter a cat for her birthday several years ago. We were all part of the process, as you do when adding a family member, but it was her cat. She got busy with school, and the cat chores fell to me.
Now the cat loves me. Sleeps with me every night. Wakes me up in the morning to chat. When my daughter moves out, I think it’s in the cat’s best interest to stay here, but if she wanted to (possibly due to a better situation for the cat), it would absolutely be within her right to do so.
The only way I would protest is if the cat would be in danger somehow. You have done so much more for your dog. NTJ.” pammademedothis
13. AITJ For Returning The Gift My Wife Got Our Daughter?
“Our son (17) and daughter (14) are both very sporty. They are both really into archery and are in team sports at school. Our son has been saving lately, doing a lot of extra chores, and babysitting around the neighborhood.
On Saturday, he showed us what he bought with his savings, a very expensive paintball gun. He said he was going to join a local league.
Our daughter thought this was the coolest thing ever. She wanted to try it, but he said she could only fire it under his strict supervision because it had cost him so much, and only after he was done breaking it in.
She was disappointed, but she accepted it. I told her that maybe she would get one for her birthday, and she was excited by this idea.
Yesterday, my wife bought the exact same paintball gun with the intention of giving it to our daughter. I told her that was a horrible idea because it sent a terrible message to our son.
If he works hard for something, and we just buy our daughter the exact same thing, we are sending him the message that his work has no value. My wife said it is unfair for one child to have something the other doesn’t if it’s something both would enjoy and that we need to reward her for being so mature yesterday after the paintball gun was “rubbed in her face” (literally didn’t happen).
We argued back and forth, but I just took the paintball gun back to the store before the kids got home.
My wife is furious with me. She said I am being a terrible father. I think giving our daughter that paintball gun would send a terrible message to both kids, and I am sticking by that, but my wife said I had no right to overrule her like that and was being a massive jerk.
I acknowledge that part was crappy, but am I really a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: By your wife’s logic, she should buy the same paintball gun for BOTH of the kids and not just one. Your son worked hard for this, and it’s a slap in the face to have his sister be given something without having to work for it.
That isn’t fair or equal to your son. Many times kids do get things that their siblings don’t, especially if there is an age gap. Kids need to understand that they won’t always have the same experiences and things, and they need to learn how to cope with that because that’s how it works in the real world.” Quartz_Girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off and foremost, your daughter didn’t earn or work for it. Second, you would be teaching your son that hard work is for naught. And lastly, she would be teaching your daughter that she should just ask Mommy for whatever she wants.
Why work for it? Further, I strongly believe that more problems would arise in the future. Things like Brother being jealous and mad at Sister since he has to work for what he wants and Sis just has to ask. Also, it could impact future communications between your son and you.
If he lets you know what he’s doing, Sis will be able to duplicate what he’s doing just. by. asking. Good job, Dad!” Radiant-Art3448
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here. You would have been the jerk if you took the paintball gun back after it was given to your daughter, but I actually agree with you.
Here’s where your wife is calling you a jerk: you said to your daughter that she might get one for her birthday. Even though you used the word maybe, we all know your daughter is gonna be anxiously waiting for it. So if your wife bought it for your daughter’s birthday specifically, then you’re in the wrong.
But strictly on what you’ve posted, I actually agree. Your son bought what he wanted, even if your daughter loves it, that doesn’t entitle her to have one either.” littlegremlinsparky
12. AITJ For Letting My Roommate Eat Food That's Against His Religion?
“I (29M) live with a roommate (30M) in a shared housing in India.
We are of different religions, and most of the things (till yesterday) were cordial among us.
I don’t lock my cabinet, just my room and the main gate. There are a lot of pickles available here of different types. Four days ago, I bought one packet of chicken pickle and one packet of pork pickle and poured them into two glass jars.
Then the day before yesterday, during dinner, he saw me eating the chicken one and asked for a small amount to taste. I guess he liked it as he kept asking for a bit more.
Anyway, yesterday, I took the chicken one with me to the office to eat with my lunch.
Upon returning, my roommate was giving me these weird looks. During dinner, he again asked me for the chicken pickle. This time, I declined and told him he should buy one for himself if he likes it this much. He said what’s the issue when I already have another jar.
This surprised me, as it was kept in my cabinet. When I asked how he got access, he said he knocked on my room to ask for something and found that I left without locking. He saw my cabinet and snooped around and saw the other one and tasted a bit.
By this point, I was pretty angry and said he shouldn’t have even gone inside. Also, it wasn’t chicken that he ate but pork. The guy went white and asked why didn’t I tell him. I said, because I don’t need to as it’s my stuff.
He went to his room, and today, I saw him moving his stuff out.
I am getting nasty messages from his family for being the biggest walking jerk on Earth for feeding him forbidden food and am going to heck for that. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He went into your room when you weren’t there knowing it is usually locked, just so he could snoop. Then, he stole the forbidden pickle because he assumed it wasn’t pork. That is 100% on him. Block his family members.” Emotional_Fan_7011
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s like that case of the office food thief that ate a dish that was extremely spicy and had an allergen in it, so she went into shock and tried to sue both the company and the owner of the food. Yeah, she was literally laughed out of court, fired, and fined for theft.” nejnoneinniet
Another User Comments:
“He went into your room and your belongings without your permission. You’re allowed to be furious about this (I would be). You’re absolutely NTJ here ever. There is no world where you need to apologize for his stealing something from you.” Polite_Trepanation
11. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Mom's Cooking Because She Won't Buy Me More Eggs?
Being a picky eater isn’t easy.
“I (16M) am a bit of a picky eater. I just hate pretty much all fruits except oranges. I don’t like meat or chicken, but I do like vegetables and eggs. Most of the time, my mom makes food that has chicken or meat in it, so I decide not to eat.
I also don’t really feel like having rice or soup sometimes.
When that happens, I make myself some eggs. I love eggs. I have like 3-4 with maybe some pickles. It just always works. I basically have eggs for breakfast every day and also sometimes for dinner.
For breakfast, I just have 2-3 eggs instead. I should say that I feel really nauseous in the morning, but eggs are the only thing I can stomach early before going to school. Everyone in the house knew about it, and my parents just thought it was funny.
Somehow, though, my mom randomly got annoyed after seeing we were out of eggs today and told me she would not be buying eggs anymore and that I have to pay for any I want to eat or just ask her to make anything else I want.
She says it’s because the price is too high. I told her everything has a price that is too high now, and if she cuts me off eggs, I will be skipping breakfast and dinner. She told me when I do that, she’ll be sure I eat what she makes that day.
I got really mad and left, and now she made food, but I’m skipping, and I think I’ll go through with this.
I don’t specifically have any dietary restrictions, but I think my mom is being unreasonable since I’m not hurting anyone, and I don’t have a job to pay for eggs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No judgment as I get the picky eater part. However, you have to understand that you are eating about 6 or 7 eggs a day, according to your post. Eggs now cost over $5 per dozen. I used to be able to get eggs pretty cheaply, so boiling a dozen eggs wasn’t a big deal. Now they cost more than a gallon of gas or a gallon of milk (both of which can last longer).
So yes, you are hurting someone. At $5 every two days, you are costing your family $75 to $100 per month for the grocery bill. I also cut down on how many eggs I buy as groceries are much higher than they used to be. So the grocery bill is at least 25% higher, and if you buy some foods, the grocery bill can be much more.
Hamburger is now an expensive meat, as are eggs. So I had to swap to other things to be able to feed everyone. And by consuming so many eggs (which are necessary to make many types of foods, like breads, cakes, etc.), you are literally costing your family other things.
So yes, you are hurting others. You are eating what is now an expensive food instead of eating the food that is prepared for the whole family. You don’t have to eat the same thing as everyone else. But you do have to eat what is within the grocery budget.
I have a kid who is also a picky eater, and I fix some dinners that we all eat and some that she is not a fan of. But she doesn’t wreck my grocery budget by costing another $100 per month in additional food. Moderation is key.
Don’t eat the last couple of eggs when others also need them. Find other foods that you will eat that aren’t so expensive.” decoratenow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Hey honey, Don’t be too hard on your parents they are probably really stressed because the price of food has gone through the roof.
Eggs used to be really cheap, but now they are considered expensive for what they are. I am also a picky eater, so I can easily sympathize with you on that.
Try looking for a part-time job in fast food, dishwasher, grocery store, etc. The only reason I bring up getting a part-time job is so you can simply keep the peace.
You can buy eggs for yourself and whatever else you may want to eat. Mom and Dad won’t be able to complain. But this will also teach you how much food really costs on a minimum wage budget.
Try your mom’s cooking here and there.
I mean, you never know until you try it. If you don’t like it once you’ve tried it, simply move on to the next recipe. You need to broaden your horizons and venture out and maybe start learning how to cook for yourself. I found out that when I started cooking for myself, it turned out I wasn’t “picky;” I just didn’t like their cooking.
So I changed recipes to my liking and so on.
I really hope this helped some. Eat something, please.” Ok-Dot-974
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. It’s like only liking lobster—once it was poor people’s food until rich people took it over, and the price became unreal. For many reasons, egg prices have gone up WAY higher than other prices.
Plenty of people have stopped buying eggs due to the price.
Ask Mom what your part of the grocery budget is and see if you can take that, buy, and make all your own food. Then it’s your problem how to eat on a budget.
You will have to cut down on the eggs, though, as you won’t be able to afford them either unless you have another source of funds. Might want to consider expanding your palate…” Zorkanian
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, because you very possibly have a feeding disorder that makes you the way you are, and that’s not something you have a choice about.
Do some reading about ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), and maybe ask your parents about helping you find a specialist (usually trained SLP or OT) who can maybe help you work on expanding your palate, so you can potentially learn to enjoy some other foods, which might make things easier for your family’s budget and for you socially in the future.
If you choose not to address it and just keep eating a now excessive portion of your family’s grocery budget, then you could potentially be the jerk. Also, keep in mind that sometimes people (especially picky eaters) have to try foods 10-12 times before deciding they actually do like them.
So don’t quit trying other things just because you tried them once or twice and didn’t like them. Keep at it!” Guilty_Objective4602
Another User Comments:
“ESH – sorry dude, but eggs are expensive. How about you go shopping with her and see what they cost. You might want to explore more food options.
Like beans, mushrooms, and fish, so you aren’t so dependent on eggs. As for eating in the mornings, totally know what you are talking about. I can’t eat in the first 2-3 hours of waking up. But I can drink things like smoothies or shakes, so that could be an option.
Kudos for your being able to cook for yourself.” shadow-foxe
10. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Niece A New Phone After Hers Broke?
“I (f19) have an older sister (f30). She has three kids, (f11), (m6), and (m5).
I have to babysit a lot for my sister as she’s a single mom. She’s also disabled and has to go to a lot of doctor appointments and treatment sessions at the hospital.
Recently, I was babysitting while my sister was at a hospital appointment.
My niece who we’ll call Skye was getting really angry as her younger brothers kept asking if they could play games on her phone even though she told them no. I told them to stop bugging her or they’d go in time-out and got them to go do something else.
Around an hour later, they started bugging Skye again, and she lost her temper and started screaming at them and said if they didn’t stop asking to play on her phone, she’d break it. They thought it was really funny and kept pestering her. I tried to calm Skye down, but she threw her phone out of the window while we were on the second floor of the house.
The phone was broken, and when my sister got home, I explained what happened. She’s now upset with me and said I should’ve stopped Skye from breaking the phone. She’s now asking that I pay to replace the phone as it was expensive and says I could’ve stopped it from getting broken but didn’t.
I think my sister is being unfair, and I shouldn’t have to pay to replace the phone.
Another User Comments:
“Your niece broke her own phone. Well, that really sucks for her. Yes, your niece is only eleven. Yes, your niece was stressed, her brothers sound like a lot, but actions have consequences.
When we break our toy, it might not be replaced. And it wasn’t just broken as some things are, by normal wear and tear. Oh, no, the kid threw her own phone out the darn window.
OP, I wouldn’t buy her a new one.
And if she gets a new one, from somewhere or somebody, it should be a cheap and durable one. Not an “expensive” one. Even if it was a hand-me-down phone when Mom upgraded, an expensive one could have been sold or traded in. Let that be a lesson – eleven-year-olds don’t need expensive phones!
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your niece is 11 and should have known better. Your sister needs to assign the blame to her daughter, not you. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and ask her would she blame herself if she told the kids to stop and they didn’t causing Skye to chuck the phone out the window?
If she can’t see it, then I would tell her that you don’t think that you’re the best person to babysit in that case for what if Skye had tossed one of the smaller kids out the window? You aren’t ready for that level of responsibility.” geeamouse
Another User Comments:
“I’d have to say ESH. Kids are crapheads, Mom is unreasonable, but you’re also the adult in charge, and it’s your responsibility to make sure that the kids don’t do stupid crap like this. The entire exchange was going on, and the sister was screaming at them.
Why didn’t you put your foot down and dish out some actual timeout or separation? Why did you allow it to get to the point where screaming was occurring? I only ask this because the way you spoke about it makes it sound like you just listened to this go on without intervening for an extended amount of time.
If you agreed to babysit, payment of which being excluded, that does mean getting in between rowdy kids and addressing the problem instead of letting it fester. Now, 11 is old enough to not be having tantrums where you break your phone and throw it through second-story windows, so the daughter should have been better as well, and likewise, Mom demanding you pay fully for the phone just kinda shows she doesn’t understand how blame works either.
All of you need to learn and be better.” Crash4654
Another User Comments:
“ESH, at least Skye followed through on her threat unlike you. No time out for the boys continuously harassing her to the point she snapped? No punishment for them? Not gonna step in when you see her getting harassed again just tell her to calm down, yeah?
To be honest, I don’t blame her if this is how she’s treated daily, constant harassment, and when she finally snaps, it’s her fault. Parents suck for allowing the boys to think this behavior is acceptable and demanding payment, but you suck for not properly intervening and punishing them when it was clear she was distressed, and she only sucks for breaking it even though I understand her frustrations.” TheSuperAlly
9. AITJ For Using The Self Checkout Lane While Another Customer Was Still Bagging?
“It was about 5:00 on a weeknight, and I had stopped at the grocery store to get a bag of lettuce for the tacos I was making for dinner. It was the only thing I was buying.
At the grocery store I went to, there are self-checkout lanes that do not have an item limit.
You can go with 1 item or 100. I get in the shortest lane, and the person in front of me has already checked out and is bagging her items. She has a good amount of stuff still to bag.
I scan my bag of lettuce and then place it on the conveyor belt so that the system can sense the weight of the item.
I take my hand and hold it on the other side of the bag of lettuce so that it doesn’t move down the belt and interact with the other customer’s items. I go through the process of paying. She is still bagging while I am doing this.
The other customer is annoyed that I am ringing up my item and tells me that I should have waited until she was done with bagging before I made my purchase. I said, “It’s only one item”.
So, AITJ? Should I have waited for her to finish bagging before I started ringing up my item?
Or, was it OK because I made sure that my things didn’t interact with hers, and she was free to take as long as she needed to bag.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just based on myself, I personally would rather you go ahead and use the register while I’m still bagging than to be holding people up.
I used to do all my grocery shopping late at night due to my work hours and the store I went to only had like 1-2 registers open at that time. Most of the people coming in were only getting a few items and I would get all kinds of dirty looks from people who had to wait for me to ring up a whole cart full of stuff when they only had a few items. I even overheard a lady complaining one night saying ” who does their major grocery shopping this time of night?” I was like “a single mother who works 80 hours a week and this time of night is the only time I have to do it!”” trudyking3011
Another User Comments:
“I definitely don’t like people entering my space like that in public. So I think this is on a per-person basis. To me, you would be pushy and I would feel extremely rushed and aggressively confronted. To you, this is just efficiency.
A harmless way to let her bag at her pace while you do you and ring up your own stuff. I always give people their space and I always try to remember that the person behind me may not view things the way I do.
In my eyes YTJ, in some, you’re NTJ. So just go with understanding it’s all gonna be viewed a little differently person to person.” FlyingWithAliens
Another User Comments:
“I thought maybe it was one of those tiny little checkouts with like a register and a bag next to it, and you were literally shoulder to shoulder, and I was thinking it was a tough call.
I mean, I would hate it if someone did that, but I’m super sensitive about random people being too close to me. But a full-on grocery lane? NTJ, even a little bit.
We even have a local chain that has two bagging lanes because even with a cashier, it’s expected that one customer will be done and still bagging, and the cashier will already be scanning the next person’s items. Five feet is plenty of room for her to do her thing and you to check out.
She doesn’t own the lane, and if she wants to camp out, she needs to come at a much less busy time.” Vox_Mortem
8. AITJ For Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Return A Birthday Gift She Got From My Husband's Mistress?
“My husband of 25 years left our family a few months ago for his coworker/mistress. I was blindsided to learn of the affair and have tried to handle the breakup with as much grace as possible, but I’m also very hurt and so are our three children.
I should also mention that I was diagnosed with cancer a few months before I discovered the affair. He now lives in another town with the mistress. I have remained close with his family who live near me and were disgusted by his behavior.
The mistress just gave my MIL a birthday gift, which was delivered by my husband.
My MIL happily accepted and displayed the gift in her home. She has never met the mistress as far as I know. I was upset to learn that she accepted the gift, and she has refused to return it (or at least not display it) after I expressed to her that it hurt my feelings.
I know I may be overreacting, but I feel by accepting the gift she’s in a sense accepting their relationship. My MIL told me she’s keeping it because she doesn’t want to upset her son (who, by the way, is rarely around.) AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk, except the husband is a HUGE JERK. (not only for having the affair but also for putting his mother in this difficult situation to begin with). This is something difficult on both sides. I can absolutely understand how hurtful it is to you, his wife, and her daughter-in-law for 25 years.
But in my honest opinion, you can’t dictate to her what she should do. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Her son has decided (for whatever reason) to make his mistress an official part of his life. As such, he chose to have her give his mother a gift. Your mother doesn’t know if this new woman is fleeting or if her son will be divorcing you and marrying the new woman.
No matter what his mother does, she is screwed. If she refuses to accept the gift (or display it), and her son marries the new woman, then the new relationship between her and the new girl (and possibly her son) is difficult. But her relationship with you is ‘good.’ If she accepts the gift and displays it, and her son breaks up with this new woman — and let’s say, stays with you, then her relationship with you (and possibly her son) is difficult.
I remember my mom saying (when my brother and his wife were having so many issues), ‘I can’t take sides. I have to accept whatever Bob (my brother) chooses to have me know or accept because wives may be divorced, but my son is my child and is more important than the wives.”” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You asked, she said no and you’re hurt by that – it’s a valid emotion to feel in the circumstances. If you keep pushing though, that does become jerk territory. Don’t let your ex continue to have space in your head rent-free – he doesn’t deserve the attention.
He’s the poster child of why they often warn women with cancer that their husbands might leave them.
Instead, focus on your treatment, your kids, and wrapping up a divorce. If you can, take your kids for a holiday – something you all want to do together before you reach the point where you can’t travel.
Try to set your kids’ future up if possible – they’ll be so grateful when they’re older. Give them great memories of you while you’re still well enough. Live your life to the fullest that you can now.
Don’t waste energy on deadbeat exes. When everything is done and dusted, your kids will know their father was the man who abandoned their mother in her greatest time of need. He can never undo that.” airazaneo
Another User Comments:
“Clear NTJ. ” I have remained close with his family who live nearby me and were disgusted by his behavior.” The family is angry with the OP’s husband for his reprehensible behavior. The OP was, completely understandably, hurt by having her MIL accept and proudly display the item from the mistress.
The OP then did the adult thing and expressed her feelings to the MIL. She didn’t throw a tantrum. She didn’t steal and destroy the item. She used her words. She can’t force the MIL to do anything but she handled the situation the way someone should when they are hurt by someone they care for.
Now, the OP has new information and does have decisions to make about her relationship with the in-laws going forward.
In her shoes, I would probably pull back from contact with them to some extent. MIL has made choices that she is allowed to make but that doesn’t mean OP needs to go out of her way to martyr herself to maintain things as they had previously been.
In other words, actions have consequences. The ages of the kids (young adults vs. 8-year-olds, for example) would influence how I’d approach this with children. If young adults, I’d just tell them the full truth and explain that while you won’t interfere with their relationship with the grandparents you also won’t be spending much time with the in-laws any longer.” S******************4
7. AITJ For Refusing To Shave?
“I (16F) don’t like shaving my legs or armpits.
I’m relatively clean and don’t smell or anything (showering daily, or at the MOST, every 2 days, but that’s because my mom said the water bill was too high and told me to STOP showering as much).
However, it’s winter, and I wear leggings or sweatpants, and hoodies or long sleeve shirts daily if I go anywhere. (Currently, I’m sick so out of school for mental and physical reasons until I’m well enough to go back.)
My mom is livid I’m not shaving, but I don’t see a point.
Whenever I do, I get painful ingrown hairs that have pus and b***d in them, and I have to literally cut them open to deal with them. She says it’s gross and makes her uncomfortable when I don’t shave, but I DO shave, just when my legs or underarms are exposed, such as when it’s not winter and I’m not bundled up or if I go out somewhere nice, I’ll shave, just because that’s the “respectable” thing to do.
I just don’t see a point in literally having painful pus-filled bumps on me when it can be avoided, and I can be comfortable.
I even asked my stepdad if HE cared because my mom said all guys care and everyone thinks it’s gross. He said he didn’t even notice and that it’s not a big deal but maybe I should shave just because I’m a woman and it’s what people expect.
I feel like they’re being sexist and not understanding that no one can see it because I shave my ankles where the hair IS visible, so unless you pull my pant leg up, you can’t see it.
AITJ for not shaving when I’m a woman?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are being sexist. Not every man cares. I am with a man who doesn’t give a flying freak about my hairiness, and I don’t shave. Neither do most of my friends, and they all are in relationships. And we all don’t shave, including during summer, so when legs and armpits are exposed, and never had an issue with it.
It’s your body, do what you want with it, and if you don’t want to shave, then don’t. You are not disgusting or dirty for not shaving, and we women have a right to have hair and natural bodies without feeling ashamed, ugly, or disgusting.
Most beauty standards imposed on women take time and money and are achieved for others and not even really ourselves, and that is very sad.
Do what makes you happy and comfortable. I think it’s very good that you notice how abnormal and sexist her comments are and that you refuse the pressure toward beauty standards you don’t really want to apply.
Again, your body, your choice – do what you want with it.” Comprehensive_Fly350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to shave because of ridiculous expectations and I have stopped. It’s annoying and time-consuming, sometimes leads to nicks, etc. Pretty much nobody cares and if they do they are free to shave their own body.
My suggestion is to look at the history of shaving. It is a relatively recent thing, 1920s I think or later, and it was started as an ad campaign to sell more razors. Of course, controlling women’s bodies was a bonus. Shaving legs in the winter didn’t become the norm until even later.
Once you know this it becomes a silly practice to defend. There’s no benefit and potentially some harm. Knowledge will help you to defend your decisions, I hope.” lindysocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to shave just because you are a woman.
It is not a courtesy and people should stop treating it as one. It’s hair. It is not gross and does not need to be eliminated. It should make no difference to anyone whether you shave or not. Only shave if YOU want to. Don’t let your mom tell you what to do with your body.
If she is uncomfortable with that, that is her problem. If it somehow helps your health with the pus and whatnot, that could be a valid reason to consider (still not obligated) shaving, but shaving is still a personal choice.
I am AFAB, and I can’t tell you how many times my mom told me to shave and gave me razors for birthdays, etc. even though she knew I wasn’t interested in shaving.
Looking back, it was very disrespectful of her. Your mom’s concern shouldn’t be her own comfort (I don’t know why she is so bothered) but rather your wellbeing and happiness.” asclw7643
6. AITJ For Not Caring That My Son Peed In The Pool?
He didn’t even do it intentionally.
“I was at a waterpark with my son when this unfortunate incident happened. He was in pullup swim diapers because he is still potty training.
We have been teaching him to tell us when he has to go potty. He told me he needed to pee, so I lifted him out of the pool and then walked to the stairs to get out myself because I have a bad back.
When I got out, I saw that he had pulled his pullup down and was peeing in the pool.
I told him to stop and that the pool isn’t a toilet. He has a tiny bladder though, so at that point, he was already done and pulled his pull-up back up.
I went to the lifeguard to tell her what happened but she said the chemicals in the pool make pee harmless so they only clear the pool if there is solid waste. She was also busy watching the pool, so I didn’t want to continue to bother her.
I started to walk away, and a woman came up and told the lifeguard that my son peed in the pool. She said she knew because she saw it happen and I already told her. The woman asked if the lifeguard was going to do anything about it, and the lifeguard said the chemicals in the pool would take care of it.
The woman said the lifeguard was being rude because she wasn’t looking at her while responding. The lifeguard said she was watching the pool so couldn’t.
The woman asked to see a supervisor. I started to leave, but the woman told me to stay until the supervisor came because I was going to get in trouble.
The lifeguard said I didn’t have to stay though, so I left. As I was walking away, the woman asked if I was even going to reprimand my son. I said no because he was still learning what a toilet was and made a mistake.
She said I and people like me are everything that’s wrong with America.
I feel bad that my son peed in the pool, and it is really embarrassing, but it was an accident. Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Lifeguard here! Urine in the pool does basically nothing.
(Other than activate the chemicals. Rule of thumb, if it smells like chlorine, the chemicals have been activated). Also, swim diapers and such are created in a way that they do not hold liquids (like regular diapers do), instead, they are designed to only hold solid waste.
Therefore, if someone wearing a swim diaper pees, the diaper does not stop the pee from entering the water. NTJ, you did what you could.” EthanM111111111
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If your child is still potty training then they are too little to be left out of arm’s reach at the side of the pool.
If you put a toddler by the side of the pool and went to the steps, you had your back to him or weren’t paying attention. He could have slipped or gone after you which would have been far worse than peeing in the pool.
Putting him out on the side didn’t save time to get him to the bathroom, but it did put him in danger. He needed better supervision.” Competitive-Proof410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a lifeguard. Those pools are like 70% or 80% pee, but the lady’s actions gave me PTSD flashbacks, like people really are like this on the regular.
I would have people try and make me look at them when they were talking to me, and if you look at them, they complain you aren’t watching the pool. You learn to just kinda tune them out at some point. I was also a head guard and had to kick a couple of people out altogether because we would close swim lanes for swim lessons, and old men would get mad if they couldn’t swim laps for hours.
Anyway, that lady was a jerk. Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.” gmoGSC
5. AITJ For Complaining About A Resident Who Double Parks At My Apartment Complex?
“About a week or two ago, I sent a formal request to my apartment complex’s management about a Lexus that consistently parks in the middle of two parking spaces. It’s a deliberate parking job to take up two spaces.
There’s only 1 resident who does this. The parking on my floor often fills up, and that means I usually need to park far away from my unit.
The email consisted of a photo and a small sentence saying, “Hello, just want to file a complaint against this resident whose parking is double parking.
Once again,” and that was it. I received a response from the property manager thanking me and that they would address the parking violation.
Yesterday on the apartment complex’s social media group, a resident posted that they spoke to management and said they would begin enforcing towing soon because “someone was making a big fuss about double parking.” Multiple residents are now complaining about the threat of towing and about the person who made the complaint.
I don’t think the residents know it was me, but I feel a bit surprised at the situation. Was I the big fuss? I wasn’t angry or anything when I sent the email. I didn’t know that management would begin enforcing parking because of my complaint?
But also, why is everyone more upset at towing rather than the double parker?
Double parking does occasionally happen at my apartment complex, but it’s particularly bad on my specific floor. Should I have not complained and did I make a big deal out of nothing, or was I valid to complain?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t really do anything wrong. It sounds like this person has double-parked more than once before you actually approached management with the issue. You were not responsible for HOW management decided to remedy the issue. That was out of your hands.
Also, if people don’t like it, then maybe they shouldn’t park like turds. Haha. Then they won’t get towed. Problem solved. There’s no other reason for them to be upset: if they parked normally. There would be no reason for them to worry about getting towed. Their actions, their problem.
Not yours.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“Residential parking spaces are paid for. If Lexus wants to take up 2 spaces they should pay for 2 spaces and take it up with management (a placard or something). Then your email to management would be handled in whatever way is deemed appropriate, including letting a person who paid for 2 spaces double park.
But I seriously doubt Lexus or the social media commenter paid for 2 spaces, given Management’s response was to increase enforcement. You are NTJ for bringing up this policy violation to management. It impacts your own parking situation when people double park.” pdubs1900
Another User Comments:
“Not only are you NTJ, but… why would anyone else be concerned about management enforcing their parking policies unless they were also committing parking violations? My guess is that those doing the complaining have either unauthorized housemates or frequent overnight guests and that enforcing the rules would be an inconvenience for them.
Don’t give it (or those complaining) another thought. They are absolutely in the wrong here.” Mama_JayJay
4. AITJ For Not Finishing What I'm Saying Whenever My Partner Interrupts Me?
“My (30m) partner (29f) interrupts me constantly when I’m talking, and I have spoken to her multiple times about it. I’ve made sure to point out that I think it’s incredibly rude and sometimes incredibly disrespectful to interrupt people especially when you are adding nothing to the discussion.
Sometimes there may be a need for an interruption to make a point of information or to add to a joke, but my girl constantly interrupts me to “correct” me, whether she turns out to be the correct one or not. I have asked that she wait until I am finished before trying to add anything.
So now when she interrupts me I refuse to finish the story or joke I was making, and I mean I NEVER finish it. So she has heard dozens of stories and jokes that she doesn’t know the ending to.
I was retelling a joke I heard along the lines of, “Speed has never killed anyone; it’s the suddenly becoming stationary part that gets you.” And before I could say anything after “anyone,” she interrupted me to say that speed kills people all the time, etc. I think you get it.
I said it was just a joke, and she said she wanted to hear the end of it, but I refused. She said I’m a jerk and being too petty. But I’m just really tired of being interrupted so darn often, for what feels like no reason.
She does eventually hear the end of anecdotes and jokes if I tell them to someone else and she is there.
Am I the jerk for not finishing my stories and jokes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I find this to be a very good consequence of her actions.
From what you’ve stated, it sounds like a constant thing and I would find that extremely rude and disrespectful after having discussions with her and how you feel about it. I’m petty enough not to speak at all until she apologizes for yet another interruption.
Oh, now I’m free to speak? Nah, I’ll just stare at you.” RealisticScorpio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guilty of what your partner does, and my husband gets tired of me correcting or interrupting him. I’ve been working hard to notice when I’ve interrupted and apologize quickly and say, “Go on, please,” but I’ve been struggling with hearing myself correct him while in the moment.
He still has to point it out sometimes. I’ve been going to therapy to deal with the underlying issues (mother-related) that make me so quick to jump in and why I seem to need to prove I’m the smartest person in the room.
Sound familiar?
My point is that this is a continual source of frustration for my husband, but he sees I’m working hard to fix this issue. What effort is your partner making to solve this problem of hers? Here are a couple of things that my husband did initially to help me with the interrupting.
They may seem harsh, but I was a tough nut to crack. “I’m sorry. You must have thought I was finished speaking.” (Accompanied by a direct, hard stare. He did it privately several times, and it didn’t have a huge effect until he did that in front of a close friend and it pulled me up short.
To be clear: I needed to experience a little bit of embarrassment and the close friend knows I have this issue and that I want to fix it. It only took that one time for me to get it. I guess I’m like Pavlov’s dog.) (I interrupt.) He stopped, gave me a direct, hard, unblinking stare until I got uncomfortable enough to stop and say, “What?” then said, “I was still speaking.
May I continue now?” Now I’m trained well enough that the quick look is enough to tell me I just did it again and I quickly stop and apologize. Most of the time, I catch myself before I interrupt. I’m happy to report I’m not doing this nearly as much as I used to.
When it comes to the correcting, I think she probably needs some therapy to figure out why she feels the need to do that. I hope she invests her time in that, not for you, but for herself. It’s much harder work.” CPSue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to interrupt ALL the time when my husband was speaking and it drove him crazy. I come from a big, loud family and we all did it so it became a bad habit. Dear hubs did a similar thing to me and I got exponentially better about not doing it.
It now frustrates me when my family does it so I just stop speaking. Luckily for me, the fam picked up on it and will apologize & then I’ll finish my thought/story/anecdote.
Keep doing it – no excuse for her rudeness. And Hubs and I have now been married 25 years, so it worked!” Mission_Breakfast548
3. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Friend's Baby For A Little Bit?
“I (33m) work in childcare.
Today, I was visiting my friend (30M) and as my friend was putting together food for us all, his wife came and dumped the baby on me and walked out of the room to go relax.
I got up and walked over to her and handed her back the baby. I told her I was not visiting for childcare reasons, and I do enough of that at work, so I just want a break today as it is my day off.
She said she wanted a break from the baby as it is hard work looking after the baby. I told her that’s not my problem.
AITJ? My friend said I could have at least held the baby until he was done in the kitchen, but I said that I would have been willing to if I was actually asked nicely to do it.
I might be the jerk because I could have just looked after the baby for a bit until my friend was free but took the baby straight back to the mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate people who do this. If you want a break from the baby, find a sitter, period.
Inviting someone over under the pretense of visiting and then dumping the kid on them is so very disrespectful and uncouth. It is not your guests’ job to care for your child. And if you really need a hand while cooking or whatnot, you ASK, and then bow out gracefully if they say no because it is NOT their job, and they have every right to say no. This also makes me think of how often I get, “SO, you’re a nurse.” …not right now I’m not!
I’m a guest off hours. Most times, I answer their question, but wow, it happens a lot, lol.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… The fact that she doesn’t even ask if you’d mind watching the baby while your friend cooks is just plain rude. Unless they have specifically asked you if you could watch the baby when you come over, they shouldn’t assume you would.
Maybe ask your friend about it though and encourage him to either do more at home (if you think he might not pull his weight) or to make sure his wife is OK and ensure she is getting the help she needs.” Select-Run-2394
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She treated you like the help. No asking, just dump the baby and walk away like you’re supposed to work for her for free on your day off. I wonder if she does this to everyone who comes over or just you. If she’s white, and you’re not, I’m betting it’s just you.
Her attitude when you took her kid back to her is peak entitlement. She thinks you owe it to her when you don’t. You don’t invite your friends over for dinner and expect them to do child care.” NoAardvark6524
2. AITJ For Getting Mad At Family For Removing Decorative Pillows From The Guest Room Bed?
“My brother & SIL moved in temporarily. They’re staying in the guest room. So far we’ve been on the same page concerning all things except the decorative pillows. My wife loves adding decorative pillows on beds, and she did the same with the guest bedroom.
She did it to make the room look better, and also, it’s her preference.
She came to me complaining about seeing the decorative pillows in the guest room being put on the floor and not being put on the bed during the day. I went to talk with my brother and he explained that SIL was tired of having to move the (7 pillows in total) pillows before using the bed. I explained how my wife finds this disrespectful but he thought it was no big deal and that my wife was being a little too obsessed especially since SIL is pregnant and can’t put the pillows back every time.
We had a fight and I ended up calling him & SIL “rude guests” because of it. He & SIL got offended and there was tension in the house over it.
My wife isn’t speaking to them, and they aren’t speaking to me. AITJ?
Maybe my wife overreacted. Maybe I shouldn’t have called them that but it is what it is.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They moved in temporarily? Tell your wife to get the heck out of their personal space. That’s their room for the duration of their stay as long as they don’t damage it. If your wife is SEEING the pillows on the floor she’s either A) snooping in other adults’ space where she shouldn’t be, B) was invited into other adults’ space and should politely ignore their comfort practices, or C) walked by and glanced in to notice something in another adult’s space that’s none of her business.
You and your wife are awful hosts and pretty disrespectful people, tbh. Also, your wife is wrong. Decorative pillows look bad, take up space, and are generally liked by people with bad taste who don’t know how to make and decorate a bed properly. They’re just filler used by amateurs.” MNKnightley
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They moved in temporarily, and that makes it their space. Rude as heck that your wife is invading their space. My brother-in-law lived with us recently. For 6-7 months. That was his room and bathroom while he lived with us. They didn’t knock a hole in the wall, break the bed, or go in carrying cans of paint.
They’re allowed to have privacy, and not everyone is “pillow people.” But I might be biased. I hate those pillows and wouldn’t be moving them back and forth either.” anon-flowerchild
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (you and your wife). They’re just pillows, decorations. It sounds like, correct me if I’m wrong, they are still MAKING the bed?
But just not putting the 7 extra pillows back on. So, it’s not like they’re leaving everything in a mess, or being a nuisance or destructive around the home, or something. So, it sounds like they’re not doing it to intentionally be disrespectful. They are just tired of all that extra work and are trying to make things easier for themselves.
They are your GUESTS in your home. And they are using that bedroom. You guys are not. And you want the pregnant lady to keep taking off your extra decorations and putting them back on every time they finish using the bed? If you want the pillows back on the bed, then do it yourself.
I think you guys are making a mountain out of a hill, here, really.” Light_Seeker90
1. AITJ For Reorganizing The Cupboards Opposite Of My Husband's Preferences?
“My husband (m28) has always been a specific person. He sets things a certain way, does things a certain way, it’s just all really planned out.
It rarely caused issues, I even found it kind of cute.
But we’ve hit a point of contention with our kitchen. He likes certain things to be in certain cupboards. Which is fine, whatever, everyone has preferences. But he’s freaking absurd about it. After I’m done with dishes, he’ll come in behind me and move everything from where I put it.
Sometimes he’ll take several hours to pull EVERYTHING out just to put it back somewhere else. At this point, I feel like he’s doing it just to make me mad.
Yesterday, I come home from work to the kitchen torn apart for the 5th time this freaking week.
I don’t know what came over me, but I was done. I took everything and just threw them in random cupboards. I threw half of it away. I demanded he tell me what the freaking deal was. He completely freaked out. He burst into tears, could not even talk to me like an adult, and practically acted like I’d started a house fire.
I said he was being pathetic, and we argued until he got his things and went to stay in a hotel in town.
This entire situation is ridiculous. He’s more concerned about freaking dishes than our marriage. Is he doing this on purpose? I just don’t get it.
Now he won’t answer my calls. Maybe I was too harsh, but it’s my house too. I don’t get why he won’t just let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband needs to go see a doctor to get diagnosed for his mental health. And you two need counseling together.
I can’t believe you didn’t even think to talk or ask your husband if he has any form of anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Stress can make those conditions and compulsions worse. Has he been more stressed lately from other sources (work, life issues, family, etc.)?
The yelling, screaming, and “wrecking” his compulsion work is making things extremely worse. It’s vital you have a calm discussion with him and get him to see a specialist immediately. He isn’t messing around with you to purposely make you upset…he has a serious problem.
Please help your partner OP. Ugh… Nobody’s the jerk for now… If OP didn’t know about OCD, she knows now. Help him. He needs it.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re also apparently more concerned about the dishes than your marriage, and your response to making him cry was to call him pathetic.
He clearly has some issues in regards to the dishes (sounds like he may have OCD), and I get that that’s probably annoying, but you acted like a complete jerk, threw a tantrum about it, and when you saw that he was so upset he was in tears you were cruel about it.
Honestly, I could see the tantrum as not awful and just everyone kind of being unreasonable, but your response to his reaction was horrible.” Missscarlettheharlot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds like he has OCD. It’s not your fault you’re feeling frustrated by his actions.
You’re human, and his behavior is insanely frustrating. I mean, the man takes HOURS destroying and reorganizing the kitchen multiple times a week. That’s not normal. Talk to him about seeking professional help if he hasn’t. He needs it. Having said that, it’s your husband’s responsibility to seek medical help for his OCD.
His OCD behavior is clearly affecting both you and him. He needs to take charge of his own health. Please keep that in mind when reading other comments. Also, having OCD doesn’t mean you can’t get frustrated with his OCD behavior. It’s not a free pass to unreasonable behavior.” This_Goat_moos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that it’s frustrating to you when he goes behind you and rearranges the dishes you put away. Maybe just wash them and leave them for him to put away where he’d like? But blowing up on him and throwing half your stuff away isn’t going to help anything.
He should get tested for OCD and you should realize that you’re also putting it above your marriage in terms of importance.” SilverSymbiotic
