People Urge Us To Draw Conclusions Out Of Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Letting My Partner And His Friend Be Stranded In Another City?
“My fiance (33/M) has a guy best friend that he’s known for 16 years! He has cancer and is terminal. My fiance wanted to take him on a vacation for a couple of days and begged me to basically fund it. I refused although I felt incredibly guilty after he made me feel bad about it for days!
Eventually, he was able to borrow money to go on vacation. They went and spent 2 days in a sports city. When it was time to return, he called me asking me to pay for their plane tickets to get home. I was taken aback I asked why I should pay and he said because they ran out of money and didn’t put any aside to get home.
I refused and told him it wasn’t my problem and he didn’t save money for the return flight. He started arguing with me saying I can’t let them be stranded in another city when I have the means to help, especially after I refused to help fund the vacation.
I said no and that he needed to deal with it on his own. He didn’t stop texting me trying to get me to pay. He and his friend had to eventually return by road and it took them 8+ hrs.
He came home and blew up saying I let them be stranded in another city and refused to help although I had money to pay for their plane tickets.
He said that by ‘forcing’ them to travel by road, I had caused his friend unnecessary exhaustion and turmoil. He called me every name under the sun and said I had no empathy for his friend and that I’d tainted the memories of this vacation.
AITJ? He’s still mad at me and says he’s in shock by the way I behaved in this situation and the lack of empathy I’d displayed.
My fiance is unemployed that’s why he could not afford the vacation although it wasn’t expensive. I’m the one working.
Money is tight and yes, paying for the ticket would have strapped me financially since I’m paying for everything.”
Another User Comments:
“They’re adults and deliberately placed themselves in a scenario where they blew their own money and then expected you to foot the bill for them.
That was a deliberate choice, most likely in retaliation for your refusing to bankroll the entire enterprise.
Your fiancé fully expected you to give in bc it ‘was an emergency’… but it was a fake emergency of their own making.
NTJ but you may want to reconsider marrying someone who will play these manipulative games whenever you don’t give him what he wants when he demands it.” Key-Bit1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t let him be stranded in another city… besides, he wasn’t even stranded and was able to drive home. You didn’t force him to do that, he didn’t plan for the trip or borrow enough money and he just expected you to fly them both home.
He tried taking advantage of you, then got mad when he couldn’t take advantage of you the second Tim and is blaming you for it… and now he’s shocked and now that he’s home he’s blowing up on you saying you are the one with no empathy.
It sounds like he knows you are feeling guilty and is using that to his advantage to get you to empathize with the controlling and manipulative behavior.
He planned this OP, and eventually, you are going to learn that this guy doesn’t care about you or how he treats you.” Sinsemilla_Street
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next thing you know, he’ll be turning your guest room into an art room for his friend.
Though jokes aside, I would reconsider marrying someone who expects you to finance his trips without even making an effort to include you.
Then he tries to manipulate you into paying for him after you have told him no several times.
This sounds like a huge red flag, but I doubt this is the only red flag. I won’t say ‘leave him’ but just reevaluate your relationship and all the actions he has taken.
Closely look at it without the ‘love and care’ because marriage is also a business transaction. If he is treating you like this now and expecting you to finance him and his friends, then I doubt he’ll change and get better when you get married. It will only get worse.” bobobabak
17. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To My Dad's Funeral Because He Disowned Me?
“I (F24) and my father (passed away at 50) never had the best relationship due to… personality differences, I guess. And it ended up to the point where my father basically had me sign a ‘written contract’ that basically stated that I was no longer his daughter, that I was to never come to any important event that he was in (like birthdays, holidays, and especially his funeral) and that he never wants to see my face ever again.
However; according to the rest of the family members, my father immediately regretted that decision and ask them (especially my younger half-brother (M20) and his partner (F28) to ask me to forgive him and to be his daughter again. I stated that I would only consider forgiving him if my father had the guts to personally call me himself to settle things; which obviously, he never did.
So, two years later now, I heard from other family members that my father just passed away and they ‘asked’ me if I could be able to attend his funeral for two reasons:
As an act of final respect to my father and to ‘see’ him one last time.
A few family members, they blame me for my father’s early death because I refused to contact him, and wanted me to come as a form of ‘compensation.’
Of course, I said no because I told them about how my dad basically disowned me and told me that he never wanted to see me again as well as never personally telling me that he wanted me back.
And they told me that I would be a ‘cold-hearted jerk’ if I decided to not attend his funeral.
So, WIBTJ if I decided not to go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The main jerk in this story made you sign a CONTRACT saying you wouldn’t go to his funeral?
You’re literally giving him exactly what he wanted. Honestly, I’m horrified at this entire situation. And I don’t even believe the claims he wanted to repair things when he literally made you sign a contract saying you wouldn’t contact him. If he truly wanted to work things out, and couldn’t even be bothered to call you, clearly it didn’t matter much to him.
As for the family who has the audacity to blame you for his passing, I think it’s time to go no contact. They’re just as horrible as your father.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. your dad was a real piece of work to disown you the way he did.
You owe nothing to him and the toxic family that is shaming and trying to guilt you into attending his funeral.
Your dad had two whole years to pick up the phone and call you to settle things, and he did not have the decency or the love for you to do that.
Your family knows this and is trying to rug-sweep his trashy behavior for whatever reason.
Tell off everyone who is giving you trouble over this, and cut them off. You don’t need them in your life.” Bjnboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing about making you sign a contract is it is not irrational things said in the heat of the moment.
Making you sign a contract involves preparation, time to cool down, and rethink if this is what you want. That contract was supposed to make you buckle under his threat and give him something to control you if you didn’t act as he wanted. He knew exactly what he was doing and he didn’t think you would call his bluff.
All he had to do was apologize in person but in the end, his pride was more important to him than his relationship with his daughter. That was a deliberate choice on his part just as disowning you was. If you don’t want to go, then don’t.
I have never understood why people pretend that passing away erases the harm someone caused while alive. If his family wants to rewrite his history as a misunderstood saint and recalcitrant child, they can do so without you having to be there and listen to their crap.” Cherry_clafoutis
16. AITJ For Going To A Wedding Without My Partner?
“I (23F) am a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding. My partner (26M) went back and forth on whether he wanted to go for months leading up to the wedding. During this time, I’ve tried to talk to him about any plans for the event, but he’d brush me off claiming he was ‘too stressed’ to even think about going to a wedding and that it’s not important to him at all.
The day before the wedding, he finally decides to try on one of his newer suits and realizes it’s snug. There was no time for him to find a new suit and have it tailored so it made sense that he wouldn’t be comfortable going.
I was upset at first because this all could have been avoided had he actually made an effort to prepare. I didn’t want to go alone but accepted it because nothing could be done with such short notice. He then starts trying to convince me to back out of the wedding.
I refuse; she’s my best friend and I’m not going to screw her over the day before her wedding just because his suit doesn’t fit. He gets angry and starts talking about how ‘shady’ it is that I still want to go and how much he doesn’t like the idea of me staying 2 nights in a hotel by myself.
I told him he was being ridiculous and that he had more than enough time to make sure he was prepared to go with me.
When I left, he barely even looked at me. I texted him when I made it to the hotel and reiterated why I chose to go.
He responds with ‘Why are you texting me? I’m furious and you know why’ and proceeds to text me a novel about how he was never do something like this to me. At check-in, they discovered they had overbooked and weren’t able to give me a room.
I couldn’t find anything reasonably priced in the area so I ended up having to make the 1+ long drive back home and he’s been giving me the silent treatment since I walked through the door.
Am I really the jerk for going to my friend’s wedding without him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a bridesmaid. You cannot just turn that off just before the wedding. He had months to try his suit on and completely failed to do so.
He is blaming you for events that only he had control of. He is trying to hold you accountable for his failure.
If he persists, I’d question the future of your relationship. Do you really want to be blamed every time he cannot be bothered to get off his butt? Think long and hard about how often he deflects and how often he apologizes for his screw-ups.” Icy_Curmudgeon
Another User Comments:
“Big NTJ
Look at who has what responsibility.
It’s your responsibility to communicate plans to him and give him a realistic opportunity to be involved.
It’s his responsibility to listen to the agenda, make a solid choice on whether he wants to attend (in a reasonable time frame for you and the rest of the wedding to plan for it), and otherwise, prepare himself for the wedding (like have an outfit) if he wants to go.
That includes making a decision on whether he wants to go early, and then sticking with that decision even if he isn’t sure later on.
It is NOT your responsibility to nag him or arrange his clothing. He’s a grown man, he can do that without Mommy’s help (or yours).
So let’s review.
You invited him as soon as you got your own ‘bridesmaid (plus one)’ invite. You communicated to him the time and place and other information he needed to make a decision and prepare. You did your part.
He didn’t make a decision and kept going back and forth.
That prevents you from planning (to be with or without him) and prevents the wedding organizers from getting an accurate headcount. He DIDN’T do his part.
He told you the wedding wasn’t important to him. That’s a red flag. See, the wedding and the people may mean nothing to him, but YOU should mean something to him.
And if the wedding is important to you (as I’m sure it is) then as your partner he should take it seriously – if not for them, then for you.
You told him you were going no matter what. Again, you communicated. He didn’t prepare for the wedding / didn’t get his clothes ready ahead of time.
He DIDN’T do his part.
He refuses to attend because his suit is too tight. I think that’s a crappy excuse, but whatever, his choice. Fine. He then tries to demand you cancel on your best friend the day of her wedding. BIG red flag.
This is major selfish/self-centered behavior. He is obviously not at all considering what you want, what you promised your friend you’d do or the effect it would have on you or your friend or your friendship if you disappeared last minute. He only cares that he doesn’t want to look bad in his suit and doesn’t want you to go alone.
So you go. That was the right call. Good for you. Then he gets mad at you? He has NO reason to be mad. You’ve literally given him every chance to succeed, and he’s backed you into a corner where there’s no winning for you – you either annoy him or your friend.
So you OP are not the jerk. Your partner… his behavior is unreasonable, immature, and selfish.
I’m sure he’s a nice guy and stuff but I’d seriously re-evaluate how much of a future you see with him, especially if he thinks this is a good way to act.” SirEDCaLot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gosh, throw away your partner. It’s your BEST FRIEND and you’re at the wedding party. So it’s not important to him so he blows you off but now wants you to blow off the wedding because it doesn’t fit his needs.
Not to mention he doesn’t trust you to stay on your own? Controlling, manipulative and inconsiderate to others. Your poor best friend would be scrambling if you no-show. Babe, you can do better than this. If he’s this ugh please consider if you want a future where someone passively aggressively shames you for things that are important to you just because they’re not important to him.” wink279
15. AITJ For Eating Lollipops In The Shower?
“For as long as I remember I’ve always eaten a lollipop whenever I have a shower. I absolutely hate having a shower and tend to get massively distracted and stay in the shower forever once I’m there. The lollipop helps with both of these since they’re a great motivator to get in and if I’ve finished the lollipop and I’m not out of the shower it’s a good reminder to do that.
My partner has always said it’s really weird and unhygienic and bad for my health. He has been ramping up the voicing his dislike of this for a few years now but it got to the point that I told him I didn’t care what he thinks and that it’s something I enjoy and that helps me to have a shower at the start of my day without hating the ordeal. He’s really upset that I would voice my anger at him and I have to admit I did really go off because it’s been building for a long time and I’ve been brewing.
But it still feels like it’s really just not his problem?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So he can tell you repeatedly that he doesn’t like that you shower with a lollipop and continue to list all the reasons why, but you aren’t allowed to tell him back why you disagree?
You realize that isn’t about you ‘expressing your anger’ in a mean way, it means he thinks he can bother you – for years – about changing something that has zero impact on him, but when you told him to fully stop bringing it up, he is upset at you?
Listen, you have an unusual shower setup. A lollipop has zero nutritional value, but we all (well most of us) have daily food habits that are wasteful calories – coffee with sugar/cream, an afternoon chocolate snack, dessert, and a lollipop is no different. Plus, it’s an established routine for you, and your explanation makes it sound way less odd to me.
You figured out something that works for you, and it has zero impact on anyone else. He is bothered just knowing that you are in there with a lollipop, and he needs to get over it.
Don’t feel bad for listening to him for years tell you to stop, and finally telling him to get over it.
You saying that to him was long overdue!” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this really isn’t a problem and it feels like he’s being a jerk for going at this so hard and trying to control your behavior. Like it just feels so disrespectful that he would have such a loud firm opinion about this and expect you to jump when this system works for you
It really sounds like you two need to actually go to counseling and determine whether or not you two should be in a relationship together. Because if he cannot handle you managing your life in a way that makes your life work, does he fit in?
Does he actually respect you? Because him really framing that he’s upset with you for expressing that you are angry, says that he thinks he should be allowed to disrespect you and you’re not allowed to respond. That’s a problem.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“If it’s stupid and it works, then it’s not stupid.
It actually sounds like great problem-solving on your end!
Your partner might find it weird, but it’s not unhygienic and I suppose a lollipop a day might be bad for your health if you never brushed your teeth, but I don’t see how eating one in the shower changes that in any way.
Why is he so bothered by this? Do you leave the lollipop sticks around? Is your toilet in the same room as the shower, and does he use it while you’re showering? That is literally the only issue I could see that might be a problem.
But even then, he could avoid the timing?
NTJ. It concerns me that he has been pressuring you about this for years, to the point where you yelled at him. I hope it’s the only bump in the road of your relationship and you can work through it – but make sure you maintain your confidence that he doesn’t get a say in this!
You do you.” Lainy122
14. AITJ For No Longer Wanting To Take Care Of My Pregnant Daughter-In-Law?
“My DIL has severe morning sickness also known as Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) and I’m tasked with her caregiving. It is a horrible sickness to have and I feel extremely hurt for my DIL. When DIL was 3 months along my son asked if I and my husband could take her in and care for her because he felt disrupted at work and couldn’t sleep well.
I immediately obliged and was happy to help because DIL’s parents are overseas. Unfortunately, my DIL has mild paranoia that stemmed from her HG and thus sometimes feels unsafe and unfamiliar in our house and often shouts to see my son or gets really angry at times.
I don’t fault her for any of these things because I know she can’t help it. I accompany my DIL to her appointments and stay by her side throughout when she is having severe nausea I also sleep beside her for the night because I’m worried sick if she’d feel dizzy and falls while getting up in the night for a pee.
We have spoken to her gynae and my DIL is now on anti-psychotics which does make her feel better but she still has bouts of anxiety and asks for my son often. Right now my son visits every Friday and leaves on Sunday mornings.
I have asked my son to call her often but he gets into arguments with me saying he doesn’t have time even though he finishes work latest by 6.
Calling her every day would definitely help my DIL a lot. Besides that I really think having a familiar face would help so three days ago I asked my son if DIL’s parents could move over from their home country for the time being and stay over at his house.
My son says that would be an inconvenience and he’d have to pay for their living expenses, so I countered that I would chip in a bit. I was also absolutely shocked to find out that my son and DIL minimized her HG issue and were lying to her parents that everything was still ‘manageable’.
My son said it was not happening and that he would not be able to function properly with everyone in the house. I got very frustrated and called DIL’s parents and told them the reality of the situation and they were very disappointed but also concerned and eager to help out.
I confronted my son after the call and he is extremely angry with his father and me. We both think that he needs to be more involved and empathetic because once the baby arrives it’s only going to be worse and we are getting old as well and can’t be there every step of the way.
My husband assured me that I made the right decision but my son is pretty bothered by it and thinks I’m being selfish and is just using an excuse to not take care of DIL even though I’ve been here for her more than him.
DIL’s parents would be arriving in a week so I’m extremely grateful for that but I still feel guilty if this was the right way to go about it
As a mother both to my son and DIL, I feel deeply ashamed and worried about how callously my son behaved. My plan is to definitely sit him down and talk to him and mention some issues including how he plans to take care of the baby if DIL is recovering and still mentally unwell, and whether his actions are just because of stress or if he is really neglectful.
If he has become neglectful I’d support my DIL in choosing what’s best for her. My daughter-in-law would always have my unhindered support regardless and she’d be staying with me and well cared for till her parents arrive and afterward as well if they need a break.
I need to reflect and question my son on why he is behaving this way and resolve it as necessary.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son is too busy to call his wife, who is carrying her child and has HG as well as a host of other mental health issues.
Not only that, but he has no responsibility for her day-to-day care because he dumped her in your lap. Are you kidding me? His wife feels scared, abandoned, physically ill, anxious, dizzy, nauseous, and overwhelmed and he can’t make time to facetime her for 10 minutes each day.
This is absolute crap.
Obviously, he minimized your DIL’s condition to her parents because A. He doesn’t really deal with any of it; B. he doesn’t seem to care or think you or she needs help and C. He knows that her parents would freak out if they knew the truth.
Why are you letting your son get away with this behavior? If she needed help, you could have stayed with her and him so he didn’t get a free pass on helping his wife.
I am scared about how he would treat her if she was living in the house alone with him.
Because he seems incapable of caring about his wife. If you can’t do it anymore, get her family involved because you can’t let him be her sole caretaker.” Additional-Tea1521
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and… based on the details I’m thinking you guys are of middle eastern or Indian heritage, maybe even Asian.
Something like that. Because that’s some behavior that I see in my culture a lot.
I hate to say this to you ma’am but you raised a crappy son. HE should be with her, SHE should be at home with him, not pawned off to his parents.
Can’t sleep because of her sickness? Go sleep in the living room. Buy a second bed if you need to, temporarily.
If you REALLY have to have her stay with you guys then he should at the very least be calling her or something.
I’m going to say it like it is here, he’s a crappy son and an even crappier husband to her.
Who WOULDN’T want to be talking to their wife every day when they aren’t together in person? I don’t know a single married couple whose happily married that aren’t talking at least once a day if they’re not home together.
I know this sucks to read and I know it may even annoy you but he needs to grow up, and take care of this girl.
Or, if divorce is an acceptable option within the family, he needs to let her go because he clearly isn’t grown up enough to be a good husband or father. Imagine what he might do to your grandchild, ‘Mom the baby cries too much can it live with you until it learns to stop crying as much?’.” Neither-Reason-263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing but empathy for you and your daughter-in-law because that sounds like an absolute nightmare. You’re a very kind person for taking all of this on. It must be so tiring and frightening and emotionally exhausting to boot, and it doesn’t sound like anyone is showing you the gratitude you deserve.
I can’t imagine how frustrating that feels.
The way your son is acting is out of control. Very self-centered and thoughtless. He got your daughter-in-law pregnant and by virtue of the situation he should expect to have to deal with all of the ups and downs and curveballs that go along with everything.
It is after all his wife and child He was mature enough to******** and mature enough to decide to make a family so he needs to be mature enough to see things through. The responsibility is his and his alone to support your wife and while it would be great if her parents came and all four of you have the capacity to take on some of the struggles it’s unreal that he thinks what he’s doing now is appropriate.” Proud_to_Death
13. AITJ For Not Going To My Step-Sister's Half-Sister's Funeral?
“I’m 17f and I have a stepsister who is 17f.
We became stepsisters when we were 5 years old and for almost two years we were just sisters. I loved her, I thought she loved me, we were super tight, etc. Then her dad and his wife told her they were having a baby and she tossed me aside and told me she’d just used me until she got a real sibling.
It drove her mom crazy and led to a lot of tension in our home because she was downright mean about rejecting me and us not being sisters. We have pretty much nothing to do with each other anymore. Even when we are in the same house we do our own thing and don’t interact.
My dad and stepmom did try to make things work better. We were put in therapy individually and together. But she saw me as less than because we shared no b***d and that never changed.
My stepmom has apologized to me so many times on her daughter’s behalf.
I know she feels terrible because it was cruel the way she handled the whole thing. She’d even rub her love for her siblings in my face.
A few days ago one of her half sister’s passed away. It was unexpected and sudden and she’s broken.
My stepmom and dad are going to the funeral but I am not. My stepmom’s parents are super mad I won’t put the past behind us and support her. They say it’s the act of a truly good person and a true sister. That my being there for her through this could be the thing that brings us closer together again.
My stepmom told them to leave me alone. They argued with her. Then they contacted me behind my stepmom’s back and told me I am turning my back on the only sibling I would ever have and the chance for reconciliation. I told them I didn’t care about reconciliation or being there for her, that she didn’t deserve it.
They responded that I was spiteful.
Yes, I told my stepmom they contacted me again.
But their words have stuck.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Then they contacted me behind my stepmom’s back and told me I am turning my back on the only sibling I will ever have and the chance for reconciliation.’
LOL. Your step-grandparents fail to see that you already don’t have a sibling. Your stepsister made that very clear 10 years ago.
It doesn’t look like she has no support so I don’t understand the insistence on putting you in a place where you have to be in an uncomfortable situation for someone who hurt you.
I get that she’s hurting but they shouldn’t invalidate your feelings about it either. Honestly, I’m sick of the ‘you have to be the bigger person and reconcile’ narrative. I’m sorry but no, you don’t get to tell me when I should stop feeling wronged about something/someone.
I’m sorry for your stepsis, I really am, but unless she specifically asked you to please be there (along with an apology or the promise to talk it out at some point), I don’t see the point of being there for ‘fake’ support when you clearly don’t want to just because ‘ShE Is FAaAAmILy’.” IcePsychological7032
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your stepsister is likely to ignore you at the funeral in any case. Her grandparents may be looking forward to a tearful reconciliation between you two at the graveside but you needn’t play into their desire for drama. She isn’t your only sibling, you get to create your sisterhood around you.
I know she’s burned her bridges with you, but she may want to reach out one of those days you are home together. Your dad and stepmom would be close at hand for support, and this sad loss may have made her grow up a little about what family really means.” AggravatingPatient18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She treated you horribly and, by her own admission, used you to fulfill her needs for a sister, then dumped you.
She owes you an apology followed by actions that say how sorry she really is. You’re not the one who is obligated to ‘step up’ and try to repair a relationship you had nothing to do with destroying.
You’re not the one who should be taking the first steps here. She hasn’t even said she wants you to be a part of her life. Why would you be obligated to open yourself up to her cruelty?
You said no, then the flying-monkeys in the form of her grandparents started to harass and guilt a 17-year-old.
None of that is okay. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this OP.” PlanningMyEscape
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband That Our Baby Is Kicking?
“I (29F) have had a fear of pregnancy my entire life. My husband (27M) has always wanted a family. We compromised and decided to use a surrogate, but I ended up pregnant before we could put our plans in motion. My husband was very hesitant – his mother shared similar views to me on pregnancy and their relationship is very sour because of it.
We both went to therapy, individually and together, had a lot of talks, and we decided to go through with it.
I’m warming up to a lot of this, but one hard boundary for me is I don’t want people touching my stomach. It’s even hard at the doctor’s office but I do it because it’s for the good of our child.
I’ve articulated this boundary to my husband and even though it was upsetting to him, he respects it, for my benefit.
I’ve been feeling the baby kick for about 3 weeks now, but I haven’t told my husband about it. I’m just afraid that he would push the boundary or feel left out, so I’ve just been keeping it to myself.
We’ve rarely been able to go to appointments together, so Thursday was the first in several weeks we were able to attend together. My husband mentioned he was worried that I was so late in pregnancy without feeling any movement and the OB got very concerned, asking me if I ‘felt the kicks dropping off.’ I told her no, everything was fine, and even though my husband didn’t say anything, I could tell he put everything together.
He was silent for the rest of the appointment and the whole ride home. He asked why I lied to him and I told him just what I said here. He accused me of not trusting him to respect my boundaries and said he needed to stay at a friend’s that night.
He came home yesterday and apologized for leaving but said it was a very serious violation of his trust. He even told me ‘If you can’t be honest about this, how do I know you’ll be honest when you’re in labor? Or if something bad happens?’ That felt harsh to me.
Those are real emergencies. This wasn’t.
He says it is hard for him already to know he has been completely shut out of the bonding process – which I don’t think is fair at all – and that being treated like this has upset him further.
I felt that he was exaggerating. I talked it over with my mom and she agreed that I was harsh to him and should’ve at least let him feel once and told him when it was happening, so he could feel included. That’s too much for me.
I don’t feel comfortable putting the boundary down at all and I feel like that gives him the opportunity to push it.
Was I in the wrong? Am I being outrageous?
AITJ for not telling my husband when our baby was kicking?
EDIT: For a decade, I have begged for sterilization and have been told by every doctor, ‘What about your future husband?’ When I had a husband who vouched for me, I was told, ‘You’ll change your mind.’ I was on birth control and it failed, which happens to hundreds, if not thousands of women.
I didn’t want to use other contraceptives with my actual spouse, sue me. Termination is legal in my state, but I didn’t feel safe or comfortable going through with it. It is so easy before you have been in that position, to say what you would do, but to actually go through with it is 10x harder.
EDIT 2: I am not afraid of physical touch. I am specifically afraid of having my pregnant stomach touched. I am not going to shun my child if they try to breastfeed.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
And I say that as someone who, despite desperately wanting children, also had an absolute genuine phobia of pregnancy and giving birth.
Your behavior here makes no sense at all, even in the context of a fear of pregnancy, and is really staggeringly cold towards your husband, considering that this is the man you are supposed to love and want to raise this child in partnership with.
How do you expect to deal with the intense intimacy of raising another human being together, 24/7, when you are so strongly opposed to even sharing the experience of your pregnancy with him THROUGH SPOKEN COMMUNICATION?
From everything you’ve told us (which is what we have to judge by), there is absolutely no indication that your husband has been anything but EXTRAORDINARILY respectful about your fear of pregnancy.
He was all set to use a surrogate so that you could avoid it altogether, and when that didn’t pan out, it seems he has been nothing but thoughtful throughout your pregnancy and given you all the space you have required. You haven’t indicated that he has even ONCE crossed a boundary.
And yet you are so thoroughly mistrustful of him that you wouldn’t even communicate an INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT MILESTONE in the pregnancy – a significant indication of your unborn child’s health, growth, and vital progress. You had no reason for this other than ‘he might (against all evidence) want to touch me’.
and that’s the part I really don’t get. I get you not wanting strangers having their hands all over you. Or extended family and friends. I even get a fear of doctors. And I even get not wanting to be manhandled CONSTANTLY by your husband – getting touched out is totally a thing.
But for people who fear being pregnant, in my experience, having the baby move inside them is usually what is triggering. The odd reminders of pregnancy. Whatever trauma you have that makes you NOT WANT YOUR OWN PARTNER TO TOUCH YOU AT ALL… as others have noted, clearly you got pregnant, so that has not always been the case.
And there’s no explicable reason why your own partner touching you would trigger you with regards to the pregnancy… in theory, he has been touching you for years. So what gives?
No matter what, though, YTJ. You don’t have to want to be touched – although you CLEARLY need serious therapy – but you cannot parent or be a partner if you refuse to communicate.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“I have to admit I’m shocked to say YTJ but this isn’t about your boundary. You clearly don’t trust your husband. You don’t want him to touch your belly. Ok, that’s not what most mothers say to the father when they have a healthy relationship but I understand you have some specific issues that make this time difficult.
But you point blank said telling him the baby was moving would prompt him to violate your boundary in your mind. That means you didn’t trust him. You can say it however you want but the bottom line is you didn’t want him to know there was movement because you were afraid he’d try to feel it himself.
So his feelings are valid.
This is a hard time for you and I’m sorry. But while you are pregnant, you will both be parents. I’m sure you expect him to get up, change diapers, give baths, pick up medications, etc. During pregnancy, there are a limited number of ways for the non-pregnant parent to bond.
Feeling the baby kick and roll is one of the biggest. Your boundary is denying him that. And that’s your choice. But to expect a co-parent to be your partner, to support you in pregnancy, and to share the hardships of parenthood while limiting their ability to bond warrants acknowledgment of how hard that may be on them.
Acknowledging that this is difficult for him doesn’t mean it’s not also hard on you. It’s not a competition. But you are partners. We can’t always do something to fix the situation or change how we feel but we owe it to our partners to at least acknowledge their emotions.” angel2hi
Another User Comments:
“I hate to say this to a pregnant mother who is going through all kinds of mixed emotions and hormones, but…
Yes, YTJ. 100% without a doubt.
I think this is what you needed to hear, so you can take the good with the bad.
You will get more honest and undiluted feedback here than a friend or family member would give you who is worried about saving face with you and keeping on your good side.
You are not the only parent here. He is the father and is clearly invested and wants to make sure his child is okay.
From what you’ve said, he’s respected your boundaries (even if he had some grumbling along the way), and your decision to omit important information about the health of both YOUR child and HIS, only speaks to your inability to have potentially hard conversations, NOT his ability to see and respect your boundaries.
You purposefully mislead him about important health milestones about yours and HIS child, and by this, you made it very clear that you value your own inability to face difficult conversations above his worry for the health of his child. You valued your own passive comfort over his inevitable worry about the life or passing of your AND HIS CHILD.
Not only that, but once he confronted you about lying about the health of yours AND HIS child, you pushed him away even more by telling him he couldn’t stay at your home that night. Can you even start to imagine how he is feeling?
How lied to and belittled he feels? I guarantee you he’s having feelings of doubt about whether it was not only right to support you in this pregnancy, but for being with you in any romantic capacity at all if you can’t trust him to respect a boundary that you have already set.
And even if you were worried about saying the sentence ‘I felt the baby kick but-…’ And him immediately grabbing your belly to feel it before you can repeat your boundary, which you have already defined to him multiple times, why on earth would you be with him?
Sorry, but YTJ. YTJ, YTJ, YTJ, YTJ.” redeyedrubles
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Invite My Partner's Family To My New Home?
“I bought a home not long ago and my partner of ~6 months tells me frequently that his parents want to come over to see the house.
The problem is, his father has made some comments regarding my house that I’ve taken offense to.
First, he said it was wrong of me to buy the house because I should be moving in with his son, even though we haven’t even been together for half a year. Then he said townhomes are bad investments and no one should buy a townhome.
He doesn’t understand why anyone would buy a townhouse.
After making these comments he still insists on coming over to see the house.
I understand he’s entitled to his opinion but I’m entitled to my feelings, and at this point, I don’t want him in my house.
I don’t want to hear him further criticize what, thus far, has been one of my life’s biggest accomplishments. The rest of his family, to my knowledge, hasn’t said anything negative about my home, but I can’t have them over and not invite his father, so if his father isn’t welcome, none of his family is.
I feel torn about the decision because the rest of his family seem to be decent people, and my partner isn’t going to like me telling his dad no, but I will not be disrespected in my own home.
So, would I be the jerk for not inviting his family over to my home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being with someone for 6 months doesn’t even necessitate meeting the parents, let alone having them around to your home, or having them be comfortable enough around you to insult you and your choices!
Be honest with them all, and tell the father why you’re not happy for him to be in your space as he has disrespected you.
And if your partner can’t defend you against minor annoyances like this, he’s not going to be there for you with any big disagreements, just for your information.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And you have only been together for six months. In general, that is not long enough for there to be an expectation that you are required to host families.
Some people haven’t even met the family for dinner.
The father seems quite weird starting with the comment that you should have waited to move in with the son.
What is your partner doing in terms of telling his father he is inappropriate in terms of his father’s conduct?
Not sure who the rest of the family is but you could host a ‘lady’s event’ of some kind like a tea and then it would be natural to exclude all male relatives including the father.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if what I’m reading correctly, is that you view your relationship as being very recent.
Because depending on how much time you’re spending with each other, you’re right 6 months isn’t a long time.
Your partner and his family, on the other hand, think 6 months is a very long time and that his father has a right to talk down to you.
He’s entitled to have an opinion, he’s not entitled to speak to you about it.
It also feels weird like if you have only actually known this guy for somewhere around 6 months, that you already have met his parents, and that even though he doesn’t live with you, he wants his parents to tour your home.
It’s like he’s already mentally moving himself in and showing off ‘his’ house to his parents.” JCBashBash
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex See Our Daughter?
“I went out with Kathy for a year and we have a daughter together, Maddy (8f). We tried 50/50 custody but Kathy has 2 kids from a previous relationship that constantly bullied Maddy. She’d come home in tears and refuse to leave my side every week. Then she married Paul, who had 4 of his own kids and they had 3 more together.
They had a 4 bedroom house when they moved in together.
Maddy also has dyspraxia, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder. She already struggled to live with her 2 half sisters half the time and the extra people were just too much for her. Her first (and only) week with all of the step and half-siblings, she hid in a cabinet until I came to pick her up a few hours later.
Kathy tried to ease her into it but Maddy just couldn’t handle being around so many people so she gave me full custody right before Maddy’s 3rd birthday. I agreed to let her visit whenever she wanted as long as she told me a day in advance.
At first, she used to visit Maddy at least once a week. She’d take her to the playground, the zoo, out for picnics, and to the beach. As she had more and more kids and her bio and stepkids got older and had busier schedules, the visits started to decrease.
She’s been seeing Maddy once a month at best for years now.
I married Lori when Maddy was 5 and Maddy adores her. She calls Lori her mommy and they do everything together. Kathy never liked that Maddy had another mommy but she never said anything to Maddy.
A few months ago Maddy and Kathy went to the zoo. Maddie was having a rough day so I sent her a phone and told her to call us if she needed to come home. Kathy returned Maddy that evening and Maddy immediately ran to Lori and refused to let go.
Apparently, Maddy decided that she wanted to go home shortly after they got to the zoo but Kathy refused to take her home and took her phone when she tried to call because Maddy kept asking for her mommy even though she was with her ‘real mommy’.
Maddy hasn’t wanted to see Kathy since and I haven’t forced her.
Kathy texted me yesterday and said that she wants to take Maddy to the park tomorrow and I said no. She reminded me that I promised that she could see Maddy whenever she wanted and I told her that things are different now and I don’t feel comfortable letting her see my daughter after the zoo incident.
She came to my house demanding to see Maddy and is now threatening to go to court for custody so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I would like you to reverse the genders of the parents in this situation, if OP was the bio mom instead of the dad all of them would have been praising her for protecting her child.
You would be calling a man in bio mom’s position a sperm donor, not the ‘real father’. That’s just laughable, giving birth does not make you the ‘real mother’.
Bio mom really really messed up by not taking Maddy home when she wanted to go and then made it so much worse by taking the phone away, that was just wrong.
I do think you should try supervised visits if/when Maddy is ready but that needs to be up to her, not you, not bio mom.
Bio mom needs to realize and understand that she broke Maddy’s trust and confidence in her on their last outing and that she is going to have to rebuild that if she is truly interested in having a meaningful relationship with Maddy.
The fact that she signed her rights away will absolutely help you if she tries to take you to court but with 9 other children, I can’t imagine she would have time to even try that.
I think you should stop saying that you are not allowing her to see Maddy because that’s not really what’s happening.
Maddy doesn’t want to spend time with her so start expressing it that way instead. You aren’t keeping her from bio mom, you are simply respecting Maddy’s wishes and allowing her to make that decision. When/if she is ready and actually wants to have time with bio mom you should allow it, you would only be the jerk if Maddy wanted that time with bio mom and you weren’t allowing it.
When/If she wants to start seeing her again I would definitely start with supervised visits first. If that works maybe bio mom can take her out under the condition that Maddy’s phone is never taken from her again. If that happens again you absolutely will have grounds to forbid bio mom from seeing your daughter.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made an agreement with your ex that evolved as Maddy has grown and things in your lives changed. Just as Kathy used to visit Maddy weekly, and now does not. You can no longer guarantee that Kathy can just drop in with a day’s notice.
Maddy is now old enough to express her own wants, and right now, she does not want to see Kathy. This was due to KATHY’S actions, not yours. It is appropriate that you give Maddy some space and time. When MADDY is ready, you might want to offer for Kathy to visit while you are present, so that Maddy feels safe and comfortable.
Kathy’s damaged and further crumbling relationship with Maddy is a result of her own choices and behaviors. It is now on her to fix it and to do so with the consideration that a child with several disorders including anxiety deserves. Simply yelling at Maddy and then yelling at you does not indicate that she wants to improve her relationship with Maddy.
It just indicates that she wants Maddy to be a good doll, who plays the perfect daughter whenever Kathy deigns to drop in.
Your job in this is to respect and care for your daughter. Not force her to politely fake a relationship with an absentee parent.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to sit Kathy down and talk to her. Rule one, Maddy’s phone stays with Maddy. The fact that she kept the phone from the child and refused to let her leave when she was obviously overstimulated and overwhelmed is a huge boundary and trust issue.
You two need to talk about Maddy, and the fact she does have special needs. I doubt she has the income to actually pay to take you to court with carrying so many other chickens, but she could just spit you. Don’t wait for her to file in court.
I think I’d do a few supervised visits to ensure Maddy is comfortable and that mom is respecting her needs. yes, you can see her at the park. We will meet you there at a blank time tomorrow. And after the visit, you take Maddy home.
I’d accompany the kid for a few weeks and make sure she is comfortable, mom gets her visitation, and if Maddy gets overwhelmed you take her home.
Kathy chooses her bed and chooses to leave the child with you. Now she’s angry you’re trying to set boundaries, which are good to have.
Please talk to her. Don’t keep her kid from her as she has the right to see her daughter but that doesn’t mean you have to leave your kid with her alone for hours at a time with her.” depressivedarling
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Dog To Sleep On The Bed?
“My partner (30F) and I (35M) have been together for about two and a half years and are starting to have talks about moving in together next summer once my lease ends.
My partner owns a 9-year-old English bulldog that has been a big part of her life since she’s gotten it. I love the dog and enjoy petting it, playing with it, and talking to it whenever I am over.
Since we started being together, whenever I go to her house to spend the night, the dog has slept on the bed with us because that is what it’s always done up to that point.
I’ve never been a fan of dogs sleeping on the bed but decided not to bring it up since it was a new relationship and I didn’t want that to ruin anything early on.
Now that we are talking about moving in, I mentioned that one of my non-negotiable conditions was that we don’t let the dog sleep on our bed. Since we started being together, the dog has gotten a dog bed that it chooses to sleep on at night.
However, it still wants to get on our bed in the morning. I say that it shouldn’t be allowed on the bed and my partner states that not allowing the dog on the bed anymore would be a betrayal of the dog’s trust.
AITJ for not wanting a dog in the bed?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This dog has been in your girl’s bed for the past 9 years (assuming she got him as a puppy) and now you want to come and change that? No, dude. You can’t mess with that dynamic. You said it yourself, the dog is a big part of her life.
I think you’ll need to learn to adjust to having 4-legged company near you while you sleep. If it’s a sanitary issue, get baby wipes. Wipe the toosh free of d***********s and wipe the paws every night before the dog gets into bed. And trust me when I say in the 5 or so years when that dog passes, you’re going to want their company and regret not letting him/her up on the bed at night.
Don’t let this little thing bother you. Dogs aren’t here forever so enjoy the lil dude or dudette’s company while you can.” YuhMissed
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ, for the simple reason that it was a mistake to wait until you both moved together.
I am gonna be pretty certain this might end up in a breakup, whilst I wish for the two of you that it won’t, I’m pretty sure it might though. For future relationships, please bring those things up right away. This is very important and there are ways how you can word it in a way to be able to allow your partner to have a discussion with you, e.g. ‘Hey, when I’m over, would it be cool if your dog doesn’t sleep in the bed with us?
I’m not comfortable with that’. Then, after a few months or years, if you both wanna move together, mention it again, but allow an open discussion. Do not shut out your partner right away. Example: ‘I’d like to discuss about the dog sleeping in the bed. For me, I’m not comfortable with the dog sleeping on the bed and I’d like to find a compromise’.
I hope it’s easy to see what difference this makes. One of the main reasons why I’m saying YTJ is the dog’s age. The dog has slept in her bed for 9 years and he is an English Bulldog. That is very important, the age and the breed. You may ask why… The average lifespan of an English Bulldog is 8 to 10 years old.
You’re dealing with a very old day who still has the possibility to one day just go ‘click’ and be in lots of distress due to the change. Sometimes there can be a delay until the dog reacts to it and for older dogs, too much stress can tip them over the edge.
Another reason is that you said it’s not negotiable which, in my opinion, is pretty bad considering it’s a mutual relationship, you both need to talk. If your ‘non-negotiable’ affects your partner more than you, it needs to be a discussion as mentioned above and not an ‘I’m not going to discuss this with you, this is how it will be’.
It’s her dog, her place that she lives in you want to move in, so, in my opinion, it needs to be discussed and not blatant ‘No discussion allowed’.
I urge you, please talk to your partner and explain to her why it makes you uncomfortable – don’t resort to the ‘In my opinion dogs shouldn’t be in beds’, because I can tell you that she’s not gonna take that well.
Try to find reasons why you don’t feel comfortable with it, it’s much better if you’re able to say ‘It makes me uncomfortable, because of…’ instead of ‘Your dog can’t sleep in the bed anymore’.
Have an open discussion with her, try to find a middle ground, and don’t just shut her out completely.
This discussion should have happened already when you both started being together and getting serious, not only 2 years later when you want to move in. My dog sleeps in my bed and if I had a partner wait 2 years into our relationship to tell me this (my dog would then be 10+yrs), I’d break up, because for me it’d be important that it was mentioned in the beginning and allowed to have a proper discussion.
Edit: And I do think her breaking up might be a real potential. So please talk to her, properly. Voice your concerns, genuine concerns, and listen to hers. Be willing to find a middle ground.” CactusEar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the ‘non-negotiable’ part. You knew you didn’t like dogs sleeping on the bed, and you knew her 9-year-old dog had been sleeping on her bed for 9 years.
If this was really actually a dealbreaker for you, you had no business being with her.
You don’t get to decide something that has been going on the entirety of your relationship is suddenly a dealbreaker for you 2 1/2 years into a relationship and then expect your partner to just conform to your wishes.
LOL.
So for your sake, I hope this isn’t actually a dealbreaker and you learn to live with it. Because yes, you are a jerk for trying to bait and switch your partner 2 1/2 years into a relationship.
People are wild.” KDSD628
8. AITJ For Helping File A Restraining Order Against A Boy At School?
“So there’s this boy at school, about 15 M who has liked my sister (15 F) since school started. He only speaks Spanish, and my sister and I also speak Spanish as a second language. My sister is lesbian and has a partner, which I (F 16) fully support.
The boy told her about his feelings for her, and she kindly turned him down. After she turned him down he started to try and talk to me, he would tell me he loves me and things similar to that. I turned him down as well.
I am not attracted to him in any way. I have a partner as well, which I have told him multiple times.
He gave up trying to get me and went back to my sister. He has told her and some of my friends, that he loves her, and dreams of her.
Which was already creepy because she doesn’t like him, even as a friend. She has told him to leave her alone plenty of times already, but he is persistent. He has even tried to get others to take pieces of her hair to give to him.
They all said no, and called him weird and creepy. He has made multiple accounts on plenty of different social media platforms, to talk to both her, and me. We have both blocked him every time.
He is not an American citizen, and if we file a restraining order, he and his family could be deported out of the United States.
I would feel bad if their whole family were to be deported because of one kid. But at the same time, he doesn’t listen to anyone and is constantly harassing my little sister.
Would I be the jerk if I helped file a restraining order against this boy?
EDIT – I should go through the school first. But this kid only speaks Spanish, and no teachers or staff speak Spanish. For his education, they rely on technology and Spanish-speaking students. My school also is bad at dealing with situations like this, most that would happen would end in the kid just being talked to.
He already doesn’t listen to anybody telling him no or to stop. I just want my sister to be safe cause all this is going to do is progressively get worse, and potentially dangerous. Knowing this kid, he would do ANYTHING to get with my sister.
From what I’ve heard from my friends, and his, he is obsessed with her, and it wouldn’t be surprising if he resulted in dangerous methods of getting her to even just talk to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if the family’s status is a concern, you could try going through the school first AND seeing if you can explain the situation to his parents.
If they know how close you are to involving the authorities they will hopefully shut that thing down hard. And get your sister a keychain panic alarm. They come small, extremely loud, and pretty cheap. Unfortunately, a can of mace on school grounds is almost certainly not allowed. But setting the alarm off anytime he comes within 10 feet will send a clear message to him and the school.
From now on your sister shouldn’t speak to him and have her alarm out and ready anytime she sees him.” Shibaspots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What he is doing is creepy. Making others get her hair, making multiple accounts to talk to both of you, and won’t leave you alone
I suggest talking to his parents and telling him what he is doing is harassment to your sister and just completely wrong. Show the people who have been asked by him to take your sister’s hair as evidence. Show his multiple accounts. Maybe tell them you will file a restraining order if he won’t still leave you and your sister alone.” poqimo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you don’t feel like your support network (family, friends, school, etc) is helping/willing to help, then filing a police report for harassment is definitely going to give them all the kick up the butt they need to start paying attention to you and your sister.
Remember to take anything you or your friends have in writing, emails or text, or social media with you, prove he is asking for her hair, that you’ve said no and blocked him and he has made new accounts to continue the harassment.
The end result might be no restraining order, but the police will have to talk to the school, to your parents, and him and his parents and lay out the facts, someone in authority taking it seriously might be all he needs to get him to back off.” mythicalkitten
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pause My Life To Spend Time With My Dad?
“My dad is massively overweight – he’s lost almost 100lbs in the last 6 months but he’s still probably way over 300lbs. He’s been fat my entire life and he’s always lied about how much food he consumes and it was disgusting.
My mom tried with him for so long and she ended up divorcing him but then she passed away during the divorce process so he’s all I had left and it sucked because he was so overweight and had such high b***d pressure that he couldn’t do anything like go on normal vacations, couldn’t walk the dog with me, couldn’t throw a baseball… whatever.
So I basically had to create my own life and I love skateboarding and I would spend as much time away from the house as I could hanging with my boys just out on the streets skating and that is my passion.
I am graduating high school six months early and since I’m 18 I’m going to move to San Diego to work at my boy’s skate shop in OB and run his social media and maybe even turn pro if I can get good enough where the weather is nicer and I can skate year round.
My dad is all freaked out because and he’s like doing all these addict things like confessing his ‘sins’ or whatever and trying to say that he has less than a month with me around and he’d really like to get to know me and for me to get to know him as a non-addict.
I love him I guess but I’ve got my own things, I guess it’s good he’s trying to do better but its like too little too late at this point.
AITJ for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“You are totally NTJ for feeling this way.
Tell him you appreciate what he’s doing to turn his life around but that the best way he can support you is by letting you guys try slow and chill to rebuild your relationship. Come up with one thing you’re ok with- maybe one movie a week – and tell him that’s what you want for a touch point.
How he reacts is a REAL good test of his fitness as a parent- if he can’t put your needs first after a lifetime of neglect, he had bigger issues than food.
Go to San Diego. Have a great life. Tell him you’ll do one phone call a month and if those calls don’t feel good, go to a call on his birthday.
And then to no calls – whatever it takes to get right for you. Don’t feel like you need to come home to visit if it’s not happening for you. You survived a really really bare childhood and deserved to create the best adulthood you can.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you love him in your own way, and he has at least admitted he has a problem. Keep going with your plans and when you look back at growing up, know that your parents were human and that your dad used food to cope with clearly something.
Maybe tell your dad that you will know him as a non-addict down the road and that it isn’t goodbye forever and that you both have plans that need to be attended to. But don’t let him guilt-trip you into stopping, tell him you want the new him to see the new you in due time.
That’s all I can think of besides that it’s fine for you to feel that way but don’t let it metastasize into hate because hate is cancer that takes up space in your soul, mind, psyche whatever you want to call it. Don’t bear a grudge just a board.” LuckyJackAubery
Another User Comments:
“It’s great that he’s trying to turn his life around – it IS better late than never.
But he needs to recognize that rebuilding the relationship will take time and effort. Once you’ve moved, and set up the new job and somewhere to live, you should know if there’s a regular slot in your schedule when you could connect.
Why not set up a schedule post-move to facetime/videocall about once a fortnight/month? It’s often enough for him to have regular progress, but not so frequent that you’re too tied down and have nothing to talk about.
Clearly, you are important enough he wants to stay in touch and, while you can’t put your life on hold, you can be kind enough not to cut him off totally.
But NTJ” dragonsfriend-9271
6. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Weigh Less Than Him?
“I’m 38 weeks pregnant and I really look and feel it.
I’m all belly and not much else. My partner thinks he’s fat but he’s not. He’s in really good shape so this is where I went wrong. This morning my partner is making us breakfast (me, him, and our 4-year-old). I’ve asked for a bacon sandwich with 4 pieces of bacon as I’m starving and craving bacon at the moment.
He’s said no, he’ll give me 2 (ok but I didn’t ask for that). I’ve said why can I not have 4 pieces and he’s told me that it’s greedy and he’ll give me less. So I said I’ve put on 3 stone this pregnancy and I still weigh less than him so why can’t I have 4 pieces of bacon and now he’s really upset with me and told me that’s really rude and now he knows how I feel about him.
To be honest, I was just annoyed at being called greedy when I’m literally ready to pop. So AITJ? I do feel a bit bad but he was rude first.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner has some serious issues with weight and food, and he HAS to deal with those because they’re not healthy—not for him, for you, OR for your future child.
You do NOT want that kind of mindset ruining a kid’s relationship with food, or even worse, you don’t want him to be the kind of person that starves a baby or puts them on a diet because they’re ‘too fat’.” ctortan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first of all he insulted you first by calling you ‘greedy’ and then pulled some weird control move by telling you how much he was going to give you. So then you essentially clapped back at him and he had a hissy fit because apparently can dish it out but can’t take it.
I’m not sure why you have to make excuses for your behavior (difficult pregnancy, feeling annoyed) as if it was your fault. What’s his excuse for insulting you first? He’s a jerk, plain and simple. And a sensitive one at that.” BitterCup-2450
5. AITJ For Not Buying My Younger Sister Anything?
“I broke up with my ex a month ago and when I tried to return his card to him he told me to keep it because we weren’t over. I didn’t want to keep it so I left it at his house but he sent it back to me.
I was angry at him for sending it back so I decided to do something I’d never done before in the hopes it would make him take the card back. I took my sisters shopping and offered to pay for everything but my younger sister, Allison, told me what I was doing was wrong and that I should rethink using his card.
I told her he gave me the card because he wanted me to use it, so I was going to but she kept telling me not to.
I bought my other two sisters lots of things but nothing for Allison since I assumed she wouldn’t want to as she kept saying how wrong it was.
According to my parents, she cried as soon as she got home because I didn’t get her anything and she felt excluded. They think I should take her shopping but now that I’ve calmed down I don’t want to use his card again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Omg, your ex forced you to spend lots of money and buy things on his card. I guess cutting it up and disposing of it never entered your mind, right? Then you told your whole family how you got even with him because going no contact was harder than playing stupid control games with each other.
I am giving your sister a pass because she seems young and she wasn’t the person in charge.
If you were a decent person, you would return everything you bought on the ex’s card. But I doubt you will.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your ex sucks for refusing to take your no.
You suck for going on a shopping binge with your ex’s card. He is not over you and you just sent him the wrong signal. Not to mention the potential legal trouble you created for yourself.
Your sister sucks for failing to stick to her morals. I have to give her credit for initially calling out your actions, but she should have stuck to her convictions. Demanding a piece of the ill-gotten destroys her moral high ground.” stargazer666666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – disregarding the fact the card was intended to buy things for you and not your siblings and the fact that you sent it back and he returned it. You asked and your younger sis said no and that it’s wrong, so she is the jerk for crying after she rejected it.
Allison has no integrity. She claims it’s morally wrong then proceeds to cry about it cause she wants to use it too at the end. If you were to bring her back with the card she’d use it too so ignore those noises.” Enviest0
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for using the card, and YTJ for involving your sisters in the first place
Anyone who doesn’t accept a breakup is an automatic jerk. He doesn’t just get to decide that you’re still together. I’d be super mad too if a guy told me that.
Honestly, I would want to serve some karmic justice too. But that said…The best thing to do with a guy like that is to have no more interaction whatsoever. They will take anything, even negative attention, as a sign they still have a chance with you.
You should have just cut the card up and continued with radio silence.
Now as far as your sisters go… They sound young, or at least Allison does. I’m guessing they’re still minors. If so, you shouldn’t have involved them in your messy relationship drama or shady possibly illegal business.
And when your younger sister expressed her discomfort, you should have immediately stopped what you were doing. You could have done your revenge spending spree later, by yourself.
As for taking her shopping, I don’t think you’re obligated to because you spent money on the other girls, but I do think you should do something for her as an apology for involving her in this situation even after she expressed discomfort.” Charming-Barnacle-15
4. AITJ For Giving My Sister A Secondhand Stroller?
“I (f25) have a younger sister Heidi (f21).
Heidi is pregnant and the baby is due very soon. The father broke up with her as soon as he found out she was pregnant and she had to move back in with our parents.
Our mom held a baby shower for Heidi last week and Heidi made a gift registry.
She knows the baby is going to be a boy. Heidi sent out email invites to everyone with a link to the registry and there were about 3 paragraphs repeating over and over that she will only take gifts that were off the registry and that nothing else is acceptable, which I thought was kind of entitled but oh well.
One of the gifts on the registry was a stroller, which I know can get quite expensive.
I have a stroller that I used for my daughter (f3), and I don’t plan on having any more kids so I don’t need the stroller anymore. The stroller is pretty standard, and it’s plain and a rose gold/dusty pink kind of color.
I bought some other small gifts for the baby and brought the stroller to the baby shower to give to Heidi. I thought she’d be happy with the stroller because they are pretty expensive.
Heidi was absolutely not happy with the stroller. She said I can’t be serious, and that her baby is a boy, and that I’m giving her a girls’ stroller.
I said I’m sure her baby won’t mind. Heidi called me tacky and rude for gifting her a ‘hand-me-down’ and said that I’m a terrible sister. She said that just because she’s struggling doesn’t mean I get to take away her dignity.
I thought Heidi was acting like a huge jerk, and she made a big scene at the baby shower by yelling at me.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. People put stuff on a registry and want people to stick to a registry for reasons other than entitlement. (Especially if there is a wide variety of affordable to expensive items on there) For example; someone gifts them something they don’t want, like a decoration for the nursery.
It completely clashes with the style. Or you get them a baby monitor and they already have one. It’s kind of a pain to have to worry about giving away or returning unwanted or duplicative gifts on top of being a single parent.
A stroller is a nice gift and a useful one to boot.
But, we live in a society with prejudices and preconceived judgments based off of appearances. And it’s possible your sister doesn’t want to deal with the constant: ‘oh your daughter is so cute’ and then having to correct people. Is it fair or right we associate colors with gender?
Probably not, but it happens. She probably should not have thrown a fit at the baby shower but without knowing more context of her fit, some of it could be misdirected hormones. Yes, pregnant women don’t get a pass for all bad behavior but there’s a certain level of leeway I think is appropriate.
No jerks here.” Kevkevpanda10
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You didn’t have to give her the stroller at the shower. Why do people think that’s the appropriate time to dump hand-me-downs on a person?
Giving her the stroller is very generous but you didn’t ask if she wanted it and if it’s a gift it should be what she would buy for herself not what you happen to have around.
Her reaction is obviously uncalled for but you could also be more sensitive to the way she might feel.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The ‘only from the registry’ could simply be because Heidi had limited space and budget and doesn’t want gifts she won’t use or repeat gifts.
And bringing used items to any sort of celebration – showers, holidays, whatever – as ‘gifts’ when that hasn’t explicitly been approved beforehand is super tacky. It should have been offered to her in advance so she could decide if she wanted to leave the stroller that she’d chosen, or after if the stroller wasn’t one of the gifts purchased. You bought her other gifts, if you still wanted to add more value and absolutely couldn’t find anything on the registry that worked, you could have bought her a gift certificate for a grocery or big box store or something else useful for everyday.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your sister sucks for being a choosing beggar. Fair enough.
But on the other hand, you also suck for giving her something she explicitly said she didn’t want and acting like she should be grateful since she’s a charity case.
And for doing it at her baby shower, of all places. You know you were squared up on your high horse when you did that, sending your sister a message, which she clearly got. I mean, it sounds like she anticipated it, from what you describe as the ‘three paragraphs insisting she only wanted gifts from the registry.’ Gee, wonder who that was intended for?
You literally could have bought ANYTHING ELSE on that registry and given it to her, no skin off your nose whatsoever for making her happy. Then when the time came and her stroller of choice did not manifest off the registry, offered your hand-me-down stroller as a make-do.
You get zero points for generosity if it doesn’t include generosity of spirit.” trivialissues
3. AITJ For Refusing To Change A Custody Agreement?
“My ex and I share 50/50 of our 9-year-old son. Basically, we have him every other week. She also has a 5-year-old from her second marriage. They’re divorced and the custody arrangement is like ours except she the 5-year-old on the week that I have our 9-year-old.
Her second ex-husband refused to work around our custody agreement so my ex asked me to change ours. This is a huge deal and the reality is that I cannot just sign off on it. If I just say okay then she’ll start asking for more accommodation at my expense.
I told her to think about what she was going to offer me to go along with this plan. She got mad that I just wouldn’t just do it. Honestly, if she would have offered me something like an extra holiday then I’d go along with it.
She even said that she wasn’t going to pay my legal fees because a judge has to sign off on any custody changes in our state.
Now she’s mad and I don’t care
Edit: Both boys are just as happy being together than not.
Why?
Because they get to have their parent all to themselves and my relationship with my son is more important than with his brother.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t about what’s best for your relationship with your son, this is about sticking a middle finger at your ex.
At the expense of your son, because then he doesn’t get to spend time with his brother.
It doesn’t affect/hurt you at all to switch weeks, you are just being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk & messing with your wife.
If you want something in return, consider this, at some point you are going to need to ask your ex. Wife for a favor.
What if you can’t do a week due to commitments out of state for work? Or someone in your family dies?
If you don’t want to do a minor inconvenience for her, then don’t expect any favors back. Because surprised Pikachu face you won’t be offering enough in return.
You are basically trying to pick a fight when even if you aren’t together, you should still be working together to raise your son.
This isn’t about you, but your son.” LadyCmyk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know the history with your ex and maybe she’s tried to pull custody things on you before where you have to be careful to stick by your legal agreement and keep it updated.
The definitive jerk here is your ex’s most recent ex. His not working around the existing custody agreement is unbelievable and I don’t see how a judge would think that’s okay for her ex to do.
She’s the jerk for expecting you to make a custody change that benefits her without at least her paying for the legal fees at a minimum.
I think it’s absolutely reasonable that if she’s forcing you to pay legal fees for something she is demanding then yes, you should probably at least have some tiny positive benefit out of it.
So maybe you’re not the jerk but if there is not more to the situation than you mentioned (other ways the custody change would mess with you & your son’s life) then you might want to still consider it because it might not matter to your son now that he can’t spend time with his brother but one day it will matter to him and even if it’s not your fault, he might resent you for it.
It’s ridiculous that you’re being put on the spot due to your ex’s drama but is this the hill you want to die on and give your ex ammunition to try to paint you as the ‘bad guy’ with your son?
I’ve had my own custody issues in the past and so many times had to deal with unfair situations and act like the mature one even when it wasn’t fair.
Your kid will grow up quicker than you think and one day (sooner than it seems like now) you won’t have to deal with any of your ex’s drama ever again and you’ll have a great relationship with your adult son.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This has nothing to do with your son’s needs and everything about you having a war with your ex’s second husband. You’re more concerned with getting your ego bruised than the needs of your son. This is about you ‘winning’.
Your son has lived with his brother for five years.
Like it or not, your son has a relationship with his brother – and it is JUST AS IMPORTANT as the relationship he has with you. But you want to deprive him of this relationship, because why? Because YOU don’t like it.
You and the second husband are behaving like petulant children, and that is not going to bode well for either of you in family court.” XXXxxexenexxXXX
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here and I really mean everyone. You, your ex, their ex (honestly sounds like your ex really knows how to pick a complete jerk, but maybe it takes one to catch one)
It doesn’t sound like any of you are even making any kind of attempt to have a compromise.
You also realize if she has 2 weeks free a month then it’s more reasonable that she should work more hours in those weeks so your kid is better off financially?
You want something for the change but don’t know what yet? Fine, build that into the agreement.
Something like in exchange for facilitating the change for the next 2 years you can swap 2 weeks a year as long as you give x amount of notice or something. If your kid likes having 1 on 1 time but also wants to see sibling ask for yours to be 2 weeks.
Your ex is a jerk for not covering costs if they are absolutely needed for this change. And the other ex is a jerk for even insisting on the alternative week in the first place.
You all suck, do better. Your poor kids are probably all well aware of it even if you think you’re hiding it from them.” hez_lea
2. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Make Changes With Our Financial Agreement?
“I (31M) recently completed my Ph.D. and a postdoc position. I didn’t make much money during that period, about 26k annually for my Ph.D., and about 32k while I was working as a postdoc. My wife (30F), who I married about when I got my Ph.D., makes more than me or made more than me.
She made about 100k while we were together, so quite a bit of a gap. She also came up with the idea that we should put some of our income for ourselves and some for the family, and this would be proportional to our income, to keep it ‘fair.’
She always got a bit fancier stuff than me, and I was pretty jealous. I didn’t voice it to her, which I guess should’ve, but I don’t understand how she doesn’t realize it.
I don’t want to reveal too much information, but while I was working as a postdoc, I made connections with a couple of people who were starting up a company.
Long story short, last year I made 300k without including my stake in the company. It is obviously risky, but I think the risk had paid off for me at least.
I did get a Tesla Model S, which I am entirely paying with my own money, including the insurance.
And I’m starting to buy more expensive stuff for myself too, and it honestly feels amazing.
Now, she is asking if we should just combine our incomes, and each gets the same amount of ‘our money’, which feels like total nonsense. She wants to eat her cake and have it too.
And I just said no, she wasn’t being fair. She then went on a spiel about equity, which I honestly did not listen to. I mean, she is allowed to make that suggestion, but I am allowed to say no, right?
AITJ?
Edit: I pay 3/4ths of our bills now.
I lived on my own (housing was paid by the university) when I was a grad student.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made an agreement to pay based on income (fair) and basically keep finances separate (also fair). She was perfectly happy when she made more than double what you made and she was getting the perks of having extra spending money.
But now that you’re the one making more than double what she is, she wants to change the agreement? She wants her cake and to eat it too. Maybe sit her down and actually vocalize that you felt exactly like she is feeling now when you watched her getting nice things, so why did she think it was perfectly fine when it was her doing it?
Now, that said, what you need to figure out is if this is a hill you are willing to die on. Money arguments are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. Sounds like you were a little resentful of her, and she is growing resentful of you.
Are you willing to stick to this agreement because ‘it’s fair’ if it ends up costing you your marriage?
Good luck.” RNGinx3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – $100k is just enough money to feel above water, pay a ton of taxes, and put money towards the combined household WHICH SHE DID.
$26k is not enough to function or do any of those things. She carried you whether she bought you a Tesla or not (which would have been an unwise purchase at the time). If you were unhappy with the distribution or wanted more from her you should have said something instead of amassing a deep, nonsensical resentment towards the woman providing you security.
Congrats on your success. I feel sorry for your wife.” marheena
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, As long as you are paying the bills how it should be. Your money is yours, her money is hers. She only wants to combine now because you are making more.
It was fine when she could indulge in what she wanted while you struggled, but now that you have money to spend on you, her tune has changed. That isn’t fair to you. You need to have A sit down with her and explain how you felt all this time.
It sounds as if you resent her, which isn’t good for a marriage. You need to communicate with your wife. Good luck.” Latter-Register5038
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’d say if you were just in a relationship, you wouldn’t be — but this is the person you’re marrying?!
You don’t live separately from your partner. I never in my wildest dreams could imagine such a drastic difference. The amount of money you all make really doesn’t matter in this situation. At that price point, your rent isn’t much. It’s the disposable income.
You don’t share finances normally when you’re not living together — you didn’t tell her your issues why would she assume that you were jealous when you were living separately?!
‘Sticking it to your partner’ is pretentious and pretty gross. You win together and you lose together and at this point, if you don’t see that your marriage won’t last if you do get married.” Ok-Initial-1099
1. AITJ For Throwing My Wife A Birthday Party?
“My wife and I are currently staying with my parents because we just couldn’t afford the cost of living in this area. We are both currently looking for better jobs and/or something cheaper, but it is what it is right now.
My mom and wife share a birthday and there aren’t words for how much my mom hates this. There was lots of whining in the beginning, jokes about can’t I just get a new girl, and as of right now, she does her best to avoid my wife the entire week of the shared birthday.
Outside of that, she is a decent MIL, mostly pleasant to her but their relationship is surface level, and they could both do without the other. My mom is currently at home recovering from surgery for a torn ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) so she isn’t doing much this year, though my dad got her cakes, food, and easily thousands of dollars worth of presents.
My wife has been feeling pretty down due to our living situation and some external factors and I wanted to cheer her up. I asked my dad if we could have some people over. He said yes, but to be fair I didn’t specify it was for a birthday party, I’m not sure he even remembered it was my wife’s birthday as he is totally disinterested in her, and he was in the middle of doing stuff for my mom who was acting very princessy about her surgery.
I invited our closest friends and set up a nice little party for my wife. At some point, my mom did come down and realize what was going on. I saw her look at the decorations and cake and she looked mad. My dad quickly ushered her away and promised they would go out when she was better, but she said it wouldn’t count.
My dad came back out and muttered to me that I’m a jerk for doing this and called me insensitive and a mooch. He came out an hour later and shut the party down as he claimed we were being too loud. I don’t think we were, but it was getting late so I didn’t mind too much.
My wife loved it and had a great birthday. I fully intended on cleaning up myself but was too tired to do it that night. My mom came down in the morning and saw the things still up and got annoyed again. I was in the process of cleaning them and told her not to worry I would take care of it.
She just glared at me and stormed off. My dad came back down and berated me for throwing it in my mom’s face that my wife got a birthday party and she didn’t and told me he can’t stand me and can’t wait for us to leave.
I told him they are both being crazy and my mom doesn’t own the date. He shot back that I tricked him as he didn’t realize it was a birthday party, to which I laughed and said maybe he should know his own DIL a bit better.
He complained to some family and now my aunt and her husband are calling me a jerk as well.
ETA to be clear about the mess. My mom only cared because she saw birthday stuff. She has never in her life cared about a mess.
She once threw a handful of glitter in her own living room. I only brought it up to let her know I wasn’t planning on leaving it for the housekeeper as I thought that would be disrespectful.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You live with your parents (rent-free?
Or paying rent & expenses?) – I’m guessing rent-free since your own father called you a mooch. You had a party that you knew your parents wouldn’t like so you misled them about what kind of party it was. Then you couldn’t even be bothered to clean up before you went to bed so your parents woke up to party debris.
You called your mother ‘princessy’ because you don’t like the way her husband is taking care of her after her surgery. I can see why they can’t wait for you to move out.
By the way, it sounds like you & your wife did nothing to celebrate your mom on her birthday.
After all, what are she & your dad doing for you except giving you a place to live when you can’t afford one on your own.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because while your mother is being kind of a drama queen about this, you made completely avoidable poor choices that aggravated the situation and made life difficult for your poor dad, completely unnecessarily at that!
First, you did not have to have your wife’s birthday party at your parents’ house at all. You could have taken her out for a nice dinner somewhere or gotten a good friend of hers/yours/both of you to host a party. What I’m saying is there were options for keeping your wife’s birthday celebration both out of sight and out of mind for your parents.
But no, you had to have it in their house.
Second, I don’t care how tired you were, you should have gotten on cleanup duty right away. You are their adult child who they are allowing to stay in their home. Whatever it is you were doing there, you clean it up, promptly and thoroughly, that’s the rule.
Do something nice for your mom for your birthday for God’s sake. Take her out, without your wife, and give her a present. And make better choices in the future.” HanaBothWays
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you living with your parents because you can’t currently afford to live independently is not some neutral fact.
It’s an immense life-changing favor that your parents are doing for you, especially if she’s not that fond of your wife.
And in return for that favor?
You throw a birthday party for your wife, in your mother’s home, while she is RECOVERING FROM SURGERY, knowing that sharing a birthday with your wife is something that deeply annoys her.
You did it by stealth, without giving her or your dad a head’s up.
And when your dad got mad at you, you laughed at him.
Oh and by the way? Your mother is allowed to make a mess in her own house if she wants.
You’re a guest. Have some class.
PS your parents sound awful, by the way. They definitely suck, especially for how they treat your wife. But in this instance, you were 100% in the wrong. You could have had the party anywhere else. You did this deliberately and this is NOT going to make them treat your wife any better.” ViolaVetch75
