People Draw Our Attention To Their Intriguing "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Asking To Speak To The Manager After The Waitress Publicly Embarrassed Me?
“Tonight, I (32) took my wife and mother out to a nice dinner. Beforehand, my sister had rented out a movie theater and my whole family came to watch a Christmas movie. Since I’m the only one of my siblings without kids, my siblings all went straight home, but I decided to take my mom and wife out to dinner.
I made reservations at a nice Mediterranean place near the cinema and we went after the movie. My mom always orders cheaply at restaurants, but normally my wife and I spend a lot (wine, appetizer, soup/salad, entree, and dessert). But since we’d all been munching on popcorn and movie snacks, we were less hungry than usual. So, we were probably among the “low spenders” of the night.
My wife got one glass of wine, my mom and I just had water, no appetizers, only I had a salad course, we ordered cheaper entrees, and then we all shared a dessert.
I could tell the waitress was annoyed with us. We just got bad service and bad attitude all evening, but I just let it go.
I’m guessing she thought she was gonna get a bad tip. The total bill was $95 for all three of us, which is low for this place. I paid with my card, then I drew a line for the tip, put $95 for the total, signed it, and stuck a folded $20 bill in the sleeve opposite the receipt.
As we were leaving, right at the entrance where there were many people seated waiting for a table, the waitress stopped me and said, “Sir, was everything OK with the service?” I was confused and said Yes. Then she said where everyone could hear, “Well you didn’t leave a tip so I wanted to make sure everything was ok.”
I was super embarrassed because my wife and mom were horrified that I didn’t leave a tip and the people around were laughing or giving me looks. I said I did leave a $20 bill as a tip. She opened the bill again and saw the tip. She apologized, obviously sincerely. But I felt embarrassed and angry about how she handled it.
I asked to see a manager.
The manager apologized. She offered to refund the meal. I declined the refund. Basically, here’s what I said: A refund won’t help. I’m not going to leave here and think “Well, I was publicly embarrassed by the wait staff but at least it was free.” I’m going to leave here today with a bad opinion of your restaurant.
I don’t plan on coming back. If you want to change that, you can offer me a future comped meal and maybe we can have a good experience that will overwrite the bad.
She gave me a $100 gift certificate to use by March 1st. My wife called me a Karen for asking to see the manager and using the waitress’s mistake to get a free meal. I say I was justified in talking to the manager, and I was honest about never coming back without an incentive.
So, taking a gift card wasn’t just trying to get free food. I really will give them a chance to give me a good experience to overwrite the bad. Am I the Karen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you are at all. From the way you tell the story, it feels like she was trying to embarrass and shame you where she knew others could hear and potentially join in.
It would be different if she had privately pulled you aside – this would have appeared more genuine, as if she was really trying to understand what she could improve upon regarding her service. The fact that she called you out publicly feels like she was trying to incite a mob (over-exaggeration, but you get what I mean).
For everyone saying you probably cost her her job…. actions, meet consequences. Though it would obviously be unfortunate if she did lose her job, (and I’m sure you don’t wish for that), she is the professional in this situation and did not act accordingly – it seems people often forget what being professional means these days.
It’s not as if you were being belligerent.” jmp325
Another User Comments:
“Omg!!! As a waitress/bartender for over 15 years. I have NEVER called a customer out on a bad tip. This is soooooo unprofessional!! Sometimes even the best servers are having a bad day and aren’t on their “game.” Other days they could give the absolute best service ever and people will still tip like jerks.
Yes, speak to the managers because it is their job to remind their employees that they work in customer service and need to be polite and professional. NTJ.” Dramatic-Ride-7666
23. AITJ For Hiding My Sweets From My Older Brother Who Keeps Eating Them?
“So I (f21) have been hiding sweets and stuff from mostly my older brother (m29), and my family has found out recently and said I am a jerk for doing this.
Now these are things I either buy for myself or the things my parents say they will buy for us each month (we can each get two packs of special drinks which is other than the normal coffee and tea, a chocolate, and a packet of candy).
Even though our parents buy us each our own my brother will either not take any or he will take them and finish them in the first week of the month and then he will start eating my sweets and using my drinks, I have told him multiple times to stop and that they are mine but he keeps using all my things and I get like 4 of my drink packets each month.
There also isn’t a way he accidentally mistakes them because I take mine out of the cardboard packaging and place them in my tins on top of the fridge and my candy as well.
Now recently I have started buying my treats all by myself and stopped putting my stuff on top of the fridge after he refused to stop using my things and my parents also refused to tell him to stop.
Now he has realized for the last three months my tin has always been empty and told my parents. They asked me about it and I told them that I now put all of my candy and treats in my room since he uses them all and I never get any.
Now they are mad at me for doing this and saying I’m not allowed to because now my older brother doesn’t have any special treats for himself.
I told them I will not be putting them back as I bought these with my own money and he can pull his finger out of his backside and start finding a job to buy his own when he finishes his and that I am not compromising for him anymore as he does no effort in the house at all and just sleeps all day and games all night.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- he doesn’t have a right to consume what isn’t his. Your brother is nearly 30 years old, he isn’t a child. And it isn’t your responsibility to provide for him. Your parents and your brother are the jerks in this situation. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! Now, go enjoy one of your treats.
You deserve it.” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: He’s stealing food from you when he could easily get a job and buy his own. And even if he did contribute to the house in any way, stealing food from others is just a jerk thing to do. Honestly, OP: Your parents sound like they’re enabling your brother’s nasty habits.
You need to get out of there ASAP because I can only see it getting worse from here.” TemperateEnd
Another User Comments:
“You’re 21. I think you know pretty well by now that stealing is wrong and that your parents are treating you both like children and enabling your brother’s misbehavior. I imagine that you have your reason not to have done that already, but here goes the standard advice: move out.
ASAP. Now, while you get that going, I am afraid the only way you’re going to show them how wrong they are is to stop buying sweets for yourself and start eating your brother’s food and give them a surprised look when they call you out for it. Petty, but satisfying. NTJ obviously.” Arn0d
22. AITJ For Bringing My Own Vegan Meal To My Sister's Wedding?
“My (F28) sister (F25) got married a few weeks ago and this has caused such a divide in my family that I don’t even know if I’m right anymore.
My sister (we’ll call her Faye) has had a really hard time planning her wedding. Her original budget was cut almost in half when she lost her job last year, the only venue they could afford was one she hated, and she’s gained about 40 pounds from all the stress she’s been under and had to spend a ton of money on wedding dress alterations and almost had to buy a new one.
I really have felt for her and did everything I could to give her fun non-wedding activities (ie bridal shower/bachelorette party), so I tried to help. One thing my sister has always made fun of me over was my eating habits. I eat very clean and became a vegan a few years ago, and living in Texas that is not something that my family is used to.
Being vegan changed my body and I lost a lot of weight, which made her more mad when she was gaining weight.
Her wedding was originally supposed to have a very nice expensive meal, but with the budget cut she instead did a food truck for barbecue. There was not one thing offered in that food truck that I could eat and I pointed that out to her.
She then told me I would survive eating meat for one day. Well, no I can’t because I haven’t eaten it in so long it would probably make me sick. With the wedding being pretty slammed-packed all day, I just decided the best thing to do was to pack a dinner and be discreet when I ate it there.
Well, the wedding day comes and goes without any issues. We get to the dinner and everyone looks like they are enjoying it. I unpack my dinner and eat it and my mom comes up to me freaking out. She told me my sister was crying in the bathroom because me eating my meal… implied that she was unhealthy?
I told my mom that obviously was not the case and I was just eating but she told me to go eat in the kitchen or somewhere else. I told her no and refused to leave the table. I did have a few people come up and ask me where on the food truck I got it, I just told them I brought it, and that was it.
My sister does not speak to me for the rest of her wedding.
The next time I see her she is furious with me. She said I embarrassed her on her wedding day and should have eaten somewhere else. I told her she was crazy for thinking that I was shaming her when I just needed to eat and that I shouldn’t be shamed for eating healthier by moving me.
She then asked why I didn’t just eat on the way to the venue, which was about a 30-minute drive. Obviously I didn’t want to get anything on my dress so I didn’t. Anyway, nearly everyone in my family is on her side and said I tried to make her feel bad since she’s been so insecure.
I did, in a moment of frustration, say that if she didn’t want to be perceived as unhealthy then she shouldn’t have catered unhealthy food but I do know that I was the jerk there. But overall, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a vegetarian, and my family would have made sure there was something for me to eat or I would bring my own food.
She’s being a bit dramatic and that’s to be expected on her wedding day. Let it blow over.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and even with her budget slashed it doesn’t seem too demanding to have a single appropriate meal brought for her own sister. Since it wasn’t offered you brought your own and as long as you didn’t tell people, “I had to bring my own dinner because my sister is evil” I don’t understand the problem.” Sagerie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – People who invite guests to eat for a snack, meal, or even a formal event with hundreds of people need to be flexible to their guests’ dietary comfort. It doesn’t matter if it’s a life-threatening allergy or a simple diet choice for health or moral reasons. Expecting anyone to eat outside their comfort zone is a personal affront to their guests and shows more about the host than the guest.” CoderJoe1
But the biggest thing is that while she stress ate and gained weight, you lost weight and looked darling so she's taking her jealousy out on you because you're a handy target. If it hadn't been your vegan meal that she lost her $**t over, it would have been something else. Just go no contact with her AND your family for a while, until they get their collective head out of their collective @*$ in a year or so. And if they don't, so much less stress for you.
21. AITJ For Giving My Dad Letters I Wrote Him While He Lived In Another State?
“I am 15f and my mom died almost 2 months ago and I am still super numb, so I am hoping y’all can tell me if I am the jerk because I physically cannot feel and think right now.
People around are telling me that I am NTJ but they also know me and Idk if they are being honest given the circumstances.
I was born when my parents were super young and let’s just say my dad was not ready to be a dad. He came back when I was 4 and he told me it took him a few hours with me to regret his decision.
My mom thankfully forgave him and he was able to establish paternity and after new transitions, I was able to live with him 50/50. He promised me he would never lose me again and hasn’t broken that promise yet. He married my stepmom who I love with my whole heart who had a son a year older than me, and then they had two boys.
A little over 3 years ago, they moved to another state (for financial reasons) and it was horrible for me. They flew for every important thing I had, and called and texted, and my mom Facetimed them when I had games and I know they tried but it was still hard for me. I couldn’t go to therapy because no one could afford it at the time.
To cope, I wrote my dad a letter every single day. Each letter consisted of things that happened that day, funny convos I had, my feelings, and just random stuff that I felt was too much to text my dad because I didn’t want to be annoying by blowing up his phone. I also had tiny mementos such as a super shiny coin I found/pictures I took, etc. I did the same for my stepmom but don’t have a letter/day.
So I have over 1000 of these really detailed letters. I want to make it clear that my dad and stepmom did everything they could to keep me in their lives and I knew they hated being away from me.
When my mom suddenly passed away, my dad and stepmom flew to me right away and were planning on moving back to my state because they thought I had gone through enough and moving me away from my friends and extended family would be too much.
(I said no because I am from the south and all three of my brothers play a sport that isn’t popular down here so I didn’t want them to sacrifice the better teams they now play for). When I convinced them I would be ok in their state, they helped me move up there.
It was my dad’s birthday yesterday and with all the chaos, I didn’t have a chance to get him a gift. So I got a nice box for my letters and nicer colorful envelopes and gave him my letters.
I thought it would be a nice gesture to show him that I appreciate all that he’s done for me and want him to be included in every aspect of my life, but he cried a bit (and my dad has NEVER cried in his life I swear) and my stepbrother said I was a jerk for hurting my dad’s feelings and making him feel guilty for moving.
My stepmom yelled at my brother and told me that it was absolutely not a jerk thing to do, but I am not too sure because I see my stepbrother’s point. So can y’all tell me if I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this was super thoughtful and I’m sure it made your dad happy to know that you missed him as much as he missed you.
What a wonderful gift.” misanthropyFTW
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear. You are NTJ at all. You did something very sweet for your dad and gave it to him with good intentions. Your dad probably cried because it meant a lot to him and maybe he felt a little guilty but mostly it was a special thoughtful gift. I think your stepbrother just didn’t understand or misunderstood and got upset seeing his parent upset and lashed out, which isn’t ok, but it’s what I think happened. Don’t feel bad for such a sweet thing to do for your dad.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I can’t imagine losing a mom so young. I hope you are doing ok.” HappyJ79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It really sounds like your stepbrother is a bit emotionally stunted, and assumed that because your dad was crying you did something bad. You can trust the adults here, your brother just has some issues he’s gotta grow up and deal with.” dyoung621
20. AITJ For Refusing To Take A DNA Test To Satisfy My Friend's Curiosity?
“I (21F) have this friend (also 21F) who’ll sometimes get ridiculously obsessed with a certain random thing and then proceed to talk only about that specific thing for a few months straight before eventually moving on to something else.
This time she became really interested in DNA tests, and I mean those kinds of things that were really popular on YouTube at one point like 23andme, ancestry, and so on.
She had her own DNA tested and constantly talked about her results, got pretty much everyone in her immediate family and friend group to try getting theirs tested too and she’s now trying to persuade me to do it as well.
Now, I was adopted when I was just a few months old and look very racially ambiguous, so I have no idea who my biological parents were or where they came from.
And this has my friend teeming with curiosity because she really wants to know what my ancestry looks like and whether I’m mixed race or not. But I really just give zero cares about those percentages and have no interest in selling my DNA information to some random company, because who even knows what they’ll do with it?
Not to mention there’s the possibility of having a bunch of random strangers trying to talk to me out of nowhere just because the test told them we’re 20% related.
My friend says the tests can give you some important medical information too and is still constantly insisting that I get tested. She even offered to buy me a DNA test kit for my upcoming birthday, to which I immediately said no thanks and got her mad to the point of arguing with me.
She says she can’t understand why I’m so dead set on not taking a DNA test and at this point it’s started to really get on my nerves. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had my DNA tested and had a lot of fun doing it. I, however, do not guilt, shame or pressure others to do the same.
This woman seriously wants you to do a DNA test just to satisfy her own curiosity? If you were a petty person you could tell her you did the test but are under no circumstance sharing the results with her. She needs to learn how to mind her own business. NTJ.” Expensive_Fee696
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A DNA test is something to do if and when you feel ready, and not sooner. Also, be sure to read the fine print on the test’s terms and conditions. A lot of these tests essentially give all your genetic information to the company, to use how they please, and to profit from without you getting a penny.
If you have health concerns about your genetics, you should talk to your doctor. And get a referral to a specialist in genetics who will be doing a serious medical analysis. Not just signing up with a for-profit company that is as much about marketing gimmicks as serious evaluation of genetic health.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a highly personal decision, and she is behaving completely inappropriately. Your life is not just some interesting science problem for her to gossip about. It is right for people to think carefully about whether they want to open the box on things like this.” Ok_Smell_8260
19. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To The HOA After They Disrespected Me On My Property?
“My partner and I bought a house two years ago. He is 22 and I am 21. Most of the funds came from his inheritance from his dad passing and the rest came from my trust fund.
We’ve been having issues with the HOA. Mostly them just bothering us about petty things that they don’t mind other neighbors doing. It’s mostly been against my partner. They think of him as a terrible person and they thought the world of me until this morning. They think we rent our house even tho we have the deed but to be honest our property is out of their territory.
We paid the fine to keep them happy. HOA comes to our house with complaints all the time in the morning which is a problem since my partner works nights. They do belittle our jobs but we both make 6 fig salaries. We try to avoid them.
Yesterday I was renovating my shed so I was using power tools.
The president’s wife came by and asked me to stop. I asked why me and not everyone since it was 2 in the afternoon and another neighbor was also using their tools and she said “it’s not ladylike.” I told her to get off my property. Well this morning she and her husband came by after my partner went to bed and asked to speak with him.
I said no and that I was the owner too. The husband said “this is between the men, not the ladies” and I told him to get off my porch. I own this house. He was very determined to talk to my partner. The president said he needed to speak to the MoH because I was crazy and I told him to get off my property or I’ll call the cops and my lawyer.
They left but it woke my partner up. I told my partner what happened and after discussing my frustrations my partner thinks I should apologize and just agree with their terms to keep the peace. I know I’m a jerk in general but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. It’s been two years of us “keeping the peace” while I’m always upset over the neighbors.”
Another User Comments:
“So you pay the HOA fees even though you are out of their area and then your partner tells you to apologize for their misogynistic behavior? Make this a legal pain in the HOA’s butt and take a look at whether you want to continue your relationship. Your partner is a pushover who would rather you continue to subject yourself to harassment “to keep the peace.” I can’t imagine what he would suggest his future children do when they are faced with bullies.
NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t pay any more fines, and tell them they’re not allowed on your property. If they come on it again, don’t warn, just call the cops. If they complain, remind them that you asked to be left alone, but they refused. Your property, not their control.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a lawyer to go over these HOA “rules” you’ve been supposedly breaking, do not pay any of their frivolous fines without having your lawyer look into it, call the police every time someone trespasses, and if you haven’t done so already, set up outdoor security cameras to document these people coming onto your property.” longhairedmaiden
NTJ unless you continue to appease them.
18. AITJ For Eating Sugary Snacks In Front Of Sugar-Free Kids?
“There is a local winter market that comes to my (19m) town every December that my family visits every year. There are all sorts of stalls but also rides for children, an ice rink, and food trucks. I have three step-siblings (42m, 31m, 29f), all of whom have partners who attend, and two of whom have children, so there are quite a few of us, but we try to stick together.
It’s always best to go to the ice rink after dark because there’s a lights show on the ice, so by the time we get there we’re all pretty hungry. There’s a stall nearby that sells churros, pretzels and that sort of thing but the food trucks are on the other side of the market.
This year, my stepbrother ‘Jay’ brought his partner ‘Kris’ (32f) and her twins (5f & 5m), who are not allowed to eat any sugar. Before we went skating, the twins started complaining that they were hungry, but she refused to let them have anything from the stall, even when my stepfather bought himself a coffee.
After we had finished skating, my step-nephews (20m & 10m) and I were hungry, so we decided to buy snacks from the stall. Multiple other members of the group bought coffee or hot chocolates, so we didn’t see the issue. However, Jay and Kris thought that we were being unfair by buying those snacks in front of Kris’ children when they weren’t allowed to eat them.
We thought that she was being unfair as we don’t have to follow her rules and she was singling us out.
However, I understand why we might have acted wrongly. Our snacks definitely started the kids nagging again and eventually Kris and Jay had to go and find them, and Jay’s son (4m), some sandwiches to eat, which cost them money.
I wouldn’t blame the kids if they thought we were cruel for eating in front of them, even if boasting was not our intention, although we couldn’t really go anywhere else as my stepsister-in-law insisted that her youngest sit at the picnic benches with her while he was eating.
AITJ? Should we have skipped the snacks this year or gone to find something else to eat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your brother and his partner aren’t going to allow the kids to eat sugar, they get to deal with the fallout from it. They need to plan better, but they don’t get to dictate anyone else’s diet.” NUT-me-SHELL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were put in a pretty difficult situation.
Kris should have brought healthy snacks for her kids if she was that dead set on avoiding sugar for them. If for some reason this was impossible, she could have communicated the need for people to eat ahead of time so they wouldn’t be hungry at a place that sells primarily forbidden (for her kids) food.” Gloomy_Ruminant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would only be a jerk if you fed those kids sugar against their parents’ wishes. Their mother doesn’t get to dictate what everyone else eats. She might have room to complain had this been an event at someone’s house, and nothing was provided that the kids could eat, but that wasn’t the situation.
You were in public, so she was able to go find something to suit their diet.” Palsticine_Porters
17. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Wife For Her Special Cookie Recipe?
“Me (38) and my ex-wife, Shannon (36) divorced 6 months ago. This is my first Christmas without her. When we first started seeing each other she asked me what my favorite cookie was, it’s a Snickerdoodle (cinnamon sugar cookie). Shannon put her own twist on it and made them every year for Christmas.
This year I asked my fiancee, Brenda (22) to make some cookies for Christmas, since it’s just not the same without them, plus this will be the first time she meets my parents, who are still friendly with Shannon. Honestly, Brenda’s snickerdoodles were meh. Kind of dry and bland. I mentioned asking Shannon for her recipe and Brenda acted like I had offended her just by mentioning it.
I just want her to make a good impression. They weren’t awful, (just not great) but she threw them away. Since she threw them away, I thought she was on board for me getting the recipe so she can remake them.
I messaged Shannon for the recipe but she didn’t respond, but it said she read it.
So I went to her house to ask her for the recipe. She answered the door but didn’t invite me in! Which I thought was very rude. She asked me what I was doing there, as it wasn’t my night with my daughter (12). I saw my daughter in the hallway behind her. I asked if I could have her recipe for the cookies so that Brenda could make the cookies for when my parents come in for Christmas.
She actually laughed at me! She told me “no I could not have the recipe because it’s a FAMILY recipe and we aren’t family anymore” and “I lost the right to her cookies when we divorced”. I reminded her that we are still family because we share a daughter, and that she was the one who asked for a divorce.
My daughter rolled her eyes and Shannon shut the door in my face before I could say anything else.
I went home and vented to Brenda about how rude my ex-wife was, but Brenda yelled at me that she “can’t believe I actually went over there” and “I don’t appreciate her” and “I need to get over my ex” (I am).
Then my mom called me and told me to leave Shannon alone unless it had something to do with our daughter. She then informed me that they were having Christmas Eve dinner at Shannon’s and going to midnight mass with them. (My daughter is having Christmas dinner with us).
I don’t think I did anything wrong, but everyone is acting like I did some terrible thing.
So AITJ for asking for a simple recipe?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for so many reasons. My favorite part is that you didn’t get what you wanted over text so you drove to her house to demand in person. Good for your ex for saying no. This story makes me feel bad for both your ex and the girl (22-year-old, really?) you’re going to marry.” entropen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are absolutely clueless here. Imagine your partner said to you “sweetie, You don’t please me as well as my ex-partner. I’m going to call them and get some tips for you.” Would that upset you? You went to your ex and told her that your current partner doesn’t make cookies as well as she does.
You also went to her house because she didn’t respond to your text. She doesn’t have to respond to your text because you’re divorced. Going to her house is obnoxious. Even your daughter could see that. If you wanted the cookies so bad you should have asked for them in divorce. I hope you treat your next partner a little bit better….
And I say next because I have a feeling your current one is about to break up with you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oh lord love a duck dude, yes, YTJ and totally clueless about it. Shannon isn’t your sister or some buddy that you can ask to help your new partner make a good impression with your parents.
She is your ex-wife and the only thing between you is co-parenting your daughter, period. This obsession with getting a cookie recipe is ridiculous, and yes was a surefire way for one new partner to feel she isn’t as good as ex-wife, and two ex-wife to feel you haven’t accepted the divorce. Though your mom’s reaction should have been enough to tell you that you need to remove your head from a certain orifice, her dumping meeting new partner to spend time with ex-wife doesn’t bode well for her and new partner to ever get along either.
Were I you I’d write down a good apology and practice it lest you insert foot in mouth.” Grannywine
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Interact With My Mom's Non-Exclusive Partner?
“My (18f) mom (50f) has been seeing this guy (late 20s) for a year. They’re in a relationship, but not exclusive. He’s only started coming over to our house in the last couple of months because I had told her that I was uncomfortable with him being at our place while I was home. I live with my dad half the time so it’s not like he never came over.
When I switch houses I usually do it right after school but I had been at my dad’s in the middle of my time with my mom for a day or so. I was planning on staying after school so I could have dinner with her. She called me and told me that she wasn’t expecting me to be home, she had invited her new partner over and there wasn’t any dinner planned. I told her that that was fine and that I would probably just go eat at my dad’s.
Then I was talking to my brother (16) about how neither of us wants to be around him and that we feel weird when he’s over. My brother only lives with my mom so he sees new partner more often than I do. We also feel a little weird with the age gap seeing as he’s closer in age to us than to our mom.
I called my dad and asked if I could come over for dinner and he was fine with it. My brother also asked to come so he didn’t have to see new partner and my dad was happy to have him over. My mom got home and wondered why we were both leaving and we said that we didn’t want to see new partner.
She asked why and my brother told her that he’s weird and then she left the room. A few minutes later she came back and asked again and said she didn’t understand the issue. I tried to explain that we felt less comfortable when he was over and that we aren’t really interested in knowing some guy she’s not in a relationship with.
She started saying that it sounded like this was coming from our dad because he had said similar things about her last relationship. She was about to cry so she went to her room. My brother called after her but I told him to leave it. I don’t know exactly how to explain it but usually my mom wants you to be the one who is reaching out to patch things up instead of her.
I went into her room to talk to her before I left and essentially neither of us understood what the other person was trying to say. What I got from her is that she doesn’t want me or my brother to be uncomfortable when new partner is at our place and she doesn’t want this whole thing to be a big deal. Though she insisted that she didn’t want to force us to hang out or anything, she also pretty much said that she wants us to know him.
Not sure how well she meant but that’s what I gathered. I tried to tell her that it’s ok for her to be in a relationship with him, if he makes her happy that’s great. I’m just not interested in being a part of it. I told her that I think that she has an idea in her head of how she wants things to be but they don’t align with what I’m comfortable with.
She didn’t really understand.
So now I’m not sure if I was right to tell her I don’t want anything to do with him. New partner is very in her life and maybe I shouldn’t avoid him? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you’re not comfortable then you’re not comfortable. On the “he’s weird” point though.
Depending on how he’s weird, his behaviour could just be overcompensating for the situation you’re all in. It’s often hard enough for people to get to know their partner’s kids when they’re similar in age, with such a large age gap I imagine it’s 10x worse for him. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s acutely aware of how people judge them when they’re out together and how you and your brother may also be judging it, he essentially had to work twice as hard as anyone else to prove that he’s not got some ulterior motive.
Perhaps an objective look at his behaviour with that in mind will help ease some of the concerns about his behaviour.” NeitherSavings2952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get why you’re uncomfortable and am struggling to understand why your mum cannot see this… You’re doing well and keeping up the communication from what I’ve read.
Keep it up.” lubricatedwhale97
Another User Comments:
“No you’re not a jerk. You don’t like him and it’s probably something beyond his youth that bothers you. If mom’s all a twitter over him she needs to think about that carefully. A year is not enough time to pass muster. Age gaps can be fine, if BOTH the older and younger members are mature emotionally.
You’re mom seems kind of unrealistic and insensitive. Manipulative too. Your gut says no so go with that.” SqueezleStew
15. AITJ For Defending My Step-Father To My Partner After Their First Meeting?
“I (26f) have been with my partner (23m) for several months. For the most part things have gone really well and I hope to marry him someday soon.
My partner is a graduate of culinary school and has already made his way up to the title of Chef de cuisine at a pretty big restaurant. I am really proud of him and am excited for what I think is an exciting future for him in the culinary world.
Recently he came home with me to meet my mom (56f) and my step-father (58m) for the first time.
My step-father was being his normal, slightly obnoxious self, giving my partner a hard time for being with a “way older woman” and “driving a girl car” (he drives a Ford Escape.) However, this is honestly just my mom’s husband’s normal slightly caustic personality. In the end, he ended up shaking my partner’s hand and telling him that he was a “good kid” and to “take good care of our little girl.”
After we left I asked him what he’d thought of my mom and step-father. He told me “Your mom wasn’t bad, but I have to be honest–your step-father rubbed me the wrong way.” When I asked him why he said “I don’t know. He’s one of those guys who thinks he’s so tough. He needs to get over himself.”
I knew what my partner meant, but for some weird reason the way that he said it slightly annoyed me. Yes, my step-father can be a little overbearing, but he’s a good guy in the end and he has always treated me and my siblings well. So I asked him–probably a little too sharply–“What do you mean ‘he needs to get over himself'”?
My partner responded “He’s just not that tough. Has he ever worked in a 110-degree kitchen? Has he ever executed a wedding while also working a dinner service on a Saturday night while an executive chef has been screaming in his face? No? Then he needs to stop acting as if I’m some sort of a wimp.
He couldn’t handle that.”
Again, I got a little annoyed. I responded “OK, but he’s a Gulf War vet. He’s worked as a prison guard in a max security prison for several years before he started his own roofing business. Don’t compare because if you do you’re going to lose.”
My partner thinks that I emasculated him when I said that and that I should have had his back.
I think I was just giving him a reality check and also was being fair to my step-father; a man who I don’t really have great affection for but who I do respect and admire and who my mother loves. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your stepfather behaved like an absolute jerk to your poor partner.
Calling a 23-year-old “Kid” is no way to get yourself liked by said 23-year-old, mocking him for being with an ‘older’ woman and then being weirdly toxic over a ‘girl car’ didn’t help either. What the heck is a ‘girl car’? Girls can drive any car, so can boys, so can nonbinary. Excusing it with “this is just his personality” is enabling the bad behavior, you should have stood up for your partner.
It’s possible to be a war veteran and a prison guard and a roofer without being sexist. I know many men who manage. Is “tough” really even a desirable trait in a man? I know I’d much rather have empathic.” donkeyinamansuit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You specifically say that your stepfather is obnoxious. Then when you asked your partner his opinion he said that your stepfather rubbed him the wrong way.
End of story, you know your stepdad is a jerk and it’s understandable that he rubbed him the wrong way. But then you kept pushing him and escalating the argument. I’ll never understand that whole “girly car” thing. Your stepdad sounds like one of those guys that think they’re waaaay funnier than they are.” Commonpeople923
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your stepfather was straight-up disrespecting your partner. And when your partner told you he was being a jerk (which you also admitted in this post btw OP) you humiliated him further by telling him your step-father is tougher than him? Yeah, forget that. That “Kid” should run.” imposter_jack
I don't think the two of you are compatible.
14. AITJ For Retaliating Against My Younger Sister's Constant Taunting?
“Okay, I know how bad and childish this sounds, but please hear me out.
My (15) younger sister (13F) and I have never gotten along. I cannot remember a period of time when we got along. Most other siblings have endless cycles of fighting and screaming, then being totally fine 20 minutes later, and they even protect each other. We were never like that. My sister goes out of her way to scare me.
She brings up memories that make me panic when I’m actually in a good mood, and she also does this to our older sister too, so it’s not just me.
Lately, she’s been worse than usual, and it’s actually kind of worrying. For example, my mom once got a call from her school about an incident involving my sister and a girl who is in a wheelchair.
Apparently, the girl was really insecure and nervous, and almost never talked in school, and my sister told her that if there was a school emergency like a fire, she would be too slow to get out and “turn into fried chicken.”
Anyway, onto what happened earlier today. My sister was going after my older sister (who’s 19) and asking her why she never left the house, and was taunting her, saying that she “probably will never have a significant other” and she’ll “die alone”.
I got angry because I’m close with my older sister and also was just sick of my younger sister’s behavior. So I came over and told her to kindly leave. We started yelling and eventually I told my sister I didn’t know why she was making fun of her for not having a significant other, because she’s not so attractive herself.
My sister was really mad and went and told my mom, who took away my phone. I got my phone back later because my stepdad talked to my mom.
Anyway, am I the jerk? I honestly think both of us are, but I want to know for sure.”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are the jerk.
One of their kids is bullying their other kids and kids at school and they’re apparently just letting it happen. Your sister is 13 years old, she doesn’t have to be a jerk forever but she’s gonna need help. I’m saying no jerks here as far as the children go.” DinosaursOvrEvrythng
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents really should control your sister.
If they don’t, they’re enabling your younger sister. Maybe you could’ve done it a bit nicer, but you’re NTJ here. Your sister is, and she should definitely be getting punished for this.” Penguin-philOsopher
Another User Comments:
“Yeesh. I’m not saying what you said was right, but your sister can say all sorts of horrible things about people and can’t take even one little insult that isn’t even a quarter as mean as what she said about your sister IN THE SAME CONVERSATION?
Like you literally repeated the exact same insult back at her but without the taunting and tormenting and she goes and cries to her mother.” genomerain
13. AITJ For Prioritizing My High-Paying Job Over Staying Home With Our Sick Son?
“My husband (34m) and I (35f) have been married for 8 years. I make more than triple what he does, but we are equal partners in our marriage. We both clean, cook, and care for our kids.
We normally alternate who stays home when one of the kids is sick. Yesterday, our son was sick, and it was my turn to stay home. But I had to unexpectedly meet with a client. Said client is very important and quite “eccentric”, so I could not simply reschedule this meeting (If I were to lose this client, I could probably pack my things).
I called my husband and asked if he could come home. He said no, he was about to have a meeting with his team. I asked if he could do that via videoconferencing at home office as our son was sleeping. I explained about the client, but he held firm that no, he wasn’t coming home.
So I called my mother and asked her to watch our son.
When I got home from work, my husband was livid. He was mad that my mom was watching our son and not me. My husband never liked my mom and feels like she silently judges him for not earning as much as I do.
I was exhausted and told him I was sorry he was upset, but I had a responsibility to my job, which he didn’t take well and said I have a responsibility to him and our family. I agreed but added that my work is what pays the bills and that without it, we would be screwed. This only angered him more, and he asked me if I think my work is more important.
Like I said, I was exhausted and annoyed, so I just said we can’t live off what he earns and left it at that.
He left and went for a run, and we haven’t really talked since then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered up a reasonable solution (Mom to the rescue) which your husband unreasonably complained about.
You only stated fact – without you, your family would collapse financially – so I don’t see that pointing that out makes you a jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like he is jealous and embarrassed about his salary, that’s a him problem. The only person judging his salary is him. You were right to hold firm, you need your job to pay the bills and sometimes that means he takes on an additional sick day to parent his son every now and then if he doesn’t want your mother watching him.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jeopardizing a job that pays more than 3X than his job over the fact that it’s your turn is such a dumb thing, and I can’t believe that he even suggested it. To make matters worse, he got mad when you found an alternative and asked your mother to watch the kids.” ed_lv
12. AITJ For Giving My Wife A Cheap Birthday Gift After She Broke The Expensive One I Bought?
“I and my wife have been married for 8 years. We have a 1yo daughter.
I’m an automobile engineer and my wife is a SAHM.
For her birthday, I wanted to give her something special so I got her a really expensive perfume that she’d wanted for a long time. To prevent her from seeing it before her birthday, I kept it in a cupboard near the ceiling.
Usually, I do all the cleaning there since my wife is allergic to dust and she wouldn’t be able to reach out anyway since it’s so high.
When I came home a few days ago, I got glass shards stuck in my foot just as I walked into the house. It started bleeding heavily and I had to call my neighbor to take me to the hospital since I couldn’t even walk.
My wife wanted to drive but she cannot as she’s still learning to drive and doesn’t have a license yet.
Now I’ve been advised by my doctor to not walk for a few more weeks because the cuts on my foot were too deep and required surgery to be removed.
My wife said that she’d seen me putting a bottle in the topmost shelf and she was curious so she used a step ladder and a stool on top of that to take out the bottle.
While getting down, she dropped the perfume bottle and it shattered. While cleaning it up she missed a few pieces and I got injured.
So I just gave her some flowers and a box of chocolates on her birthday as I had already spent most of my fun budget on the perfume alone. She got mad at me saying it was my mistake for keeping it in the cupboard and that she didn’t break it on purpose.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Wife is being awfully demanding and entitled over a gift. My husband has literally given me a hug and made me breakfast (toast and instant coffee) for my birthday because we were too broke to buy presents. It’s the thought that counts, not the $$ spent.” thickmuffinmelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did buy her an expensive gift, she broke it trying to snoop (I’m assuming she probably knew it must be a birthday gift hidden there), she then failed to clean up the glass properly, which is especially appalling when you have a one-year-old and then she takes zero responsibility and blames you for putting it in the cupboard?!
If she was so curious she could have asked, “hey, what’s in the cupboard?” instead of snooping. This is on her, not you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know but I’m a woman and I never measure someone’s love for me by the price tag of their gift. If your wife places so much importance on that, it seems to me her priorities are misplaced…
After all, it’s not that you didn’t care enough to get her something thoughtful and just threw her some cheap things instead. You did spend all your fun budget on it and it was her who dropped the perfume… her fault that your gift was destroyed. Isn’t it the thought that should count? Also not taking accountability for as innocent as a mistake as dropping something is a huge red flag.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Being Rude To A Co-Worker Who Constantly Harasses Me?
“I started a new job about 3 months ago. I’m always friendly and chatty to everyone, as long as they want to talk. Even if I don’t like them I’m still polite and professional.
However, there’s a cleaner who is in on an afternoon during my shift. Ever since I started he comes into the office where I work to talk to me.
It’s a big building I work in and the office spaces are split between the cleaners. My space isn’t his area to clean, but every day without fail he still comes in to see me.
When he comes in, he spends at least an hour coming in and out constantly to speak to me. Even though he still has jobs to do, the other cleaner tells him off constantly but he just laughs it off.
He constantly makes inappropriate comments towards me, usually when people aren’t around. He asked me about my “sizes”, for clothes, specifically my pants or chest size. Asking if he could guess my chest size, which I immediately said no to angrily.
One time he walked in right after I took a bite of something and asked how I was.
Because my mouth was full I just nodded and made a “mm” sound to say I was good. He straight away stopped and looked at me saying “I like that noise you made…”mmm”, I like that noise from you.”
He makes me so uncomfortable, so I’ve started being rude to him because he won’t take no for an answer.
He’s mentioned taking me out constantly, every time I say no to him but he just laughs it off.
Now when he walks in I just keep my head down and don’t interact with him. Or even when he speaks to me, I ignore and then say I wasn’t listening and that I’m busy. A few times he has come in, seen me speaking with someone else, left and hovered outside the door waiting for them to leave before he comes back in.
He interrupts any conversation I’m having with anyone else, so I snapped at him the other day saying “that’s so rude to interrupt another conversation, stop!” He didn’t look happy at all.
He has a history within the company of having anger issues. So my friend tells me I need to be nice to him, but I’m done with being harassed while at work.
I’m sick of being nice and putting up with him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to address your concerns with your boss, his boss, and HR ASAP. NTJ for not wanting to have those conversations. You’re at work and this is not appropriate behavior.” snowwhitesludge
Another User Comments:
“Good gravy NTJ.
Report his behavior to your manager (an email is fine if you’re uncomfortable discussing it in person. You can copy HR.) Next time he approaches you, tell him “You’re making me uncomfortable. You need to leave.” If he says anything else, say “you need to leave.” If he says anything else, say “do I need to call Manager?” And stop talking.
He sounds exactly like the kind of creepy dangerous dude who’d begin stalking someone. Please be careful.” cheesecheeesecheese
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I also start acting extremely rude to those who don’t get the hint. Maybe reconsider the company you’re working for if they tolerate harassment like that.” Naviyr
NTJ
10. AITJ For Telling My Husband Off After He Yelled At Me About Going To A Work Event?
“I 27 F and my husband 29 M just got into a major fight about my job.
My job puts on networking events throughout the year and some of our staff is required to go to these events. We always have one major event in December that almost all the staff has to go to. I’ve been at this job for almost 4 years so my husband knows this by now. I’ve never actually had to go to these events because of the job position I’m in, I didn’t really need to.
They would normally have me be the person who stays behind to watch the office and answer the phone. Well, I recently have been promoted which I’m super excited about. However, with the promotion, my work now wants me to go to the large end-of-the-year event. We have had a couple of people quit recently and we are going to be short-staffed at the event.
They asked me to go since I am getting a promotion and I think it would be good for me to experience one of the events because I will most likely be going to some of them from now on. It is a long event so I’ll be in Cali for 4 days. I made sure to check with my parents and in-laws to be sure they could help watch our son.
My husband is a firefighter and he works 24-hour shifts. My mom wants to help watch our son on the two days he works while I’ll be gone. Our parents normally help with daycare anyway.
Once I got home from work I told my husband I got asked to go and he immediately flipped out on me.
He called me a liar because I said I didn’t want to go to the event. Which yes I did say that originally but this was before my promotion and the job I was doing before is super stressful and draining. I wanted to stay behind again to get a break. Because when this event is going on, everyone is gone and I have so much time to get work done.
He is extremely upset I want to go and said I should’ve told them no. And he’s calling me a liar because I changed my mind on wanting to go. To his defense, I will be gone 4 days and thousands of miles away. So he will have our son by himself for a few days.
And his job can be demanding so watching a 3-year-old can be tough after he gets off. However this is literally my job. I want to go so I can continue advancing in my career and it will help me gain experience for the events next year. I was there for him when he was going through a very long process to be a firefighter.
He had to go through extensive physical and mental training for almost a year. I was there to support him every step of the way while we had a newborn baby. I have our son by myself all the time due to his schedule. But he is making it a problem for him to watch our son for a few days by himself.
He kept yelling at me and told me to tell my job I can’t go. I can’t do that and I don’t want this to hurt my career. He just kept yelling at me and wouldn’t let me talk to him. He was making me so mad that I told him to get lost. I was just so upset and have had enough.
So he took our son, left, and won’t talk to me at all. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you have a serious relationship problem if your husband thinks he can scream at you, call you names, and demand that you “tell your job no” when you’ve been assigned to attend this event as part of your new position.
He clearly doesn’t respect you or your job. This is less about him being mad because you “changed your mind” and more about his belief that he has veto power in your marriage. This is how a control freak behaves, not a loving, equal marriage partner. You’re quite right telling him to get lost.” moonebeam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A grown man can take care of a three-year-old, with help, for a few days! He’s being very selfish, you are allowed to change your mind and try to progress your career! It’s really concerning how he is acting, and it almost feels like there is more to his outburst than just the trip.” Glittercorn111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A ‘get lost’ when someone is yelling at you and not letting you get a word in a conversation? Pretty mild. His yelling and his reaction is concerning. Honestly, I am concerned for you that he just took your kid, didn’t tell you where, and isn’t communicating with you. Isn’t that technically kidnapping?
Idk but I would get in touch with a lawyer ASAP.” pink_gem
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Around My Friends When They're With My Harasser?
“(Backstory: 2 years ago I kissed this boy on the cheek as a thank you for buying me a drink and candy to make me feel better right after I got dumped, ever since then he’s been stalking and harassing me, even though I have a partner and have turned him down multiple times.
He’s made my partner and I both extremely uncomfortable. The harasser called me his “soulmate” and “love of his life” (KNOWING I HAVE A PARTNER) to his close friends and I never knew he was referring to me as this until my close friend showed me screenshots and a whole LETTER. He’s also done other things I will not be mentioning cause it brings in bad memories.
I’m in a small friend group of 4 people, not including me. Today I was standing with 2 of them outside of one of my classes when the third person walked out of the class with my harasser. I quickly walked away and didn’t say anything. (By the way, they ALL know what he did, but last week he apologized to all of them for everything he had done and they forgave him.
Meanwhile, he never apologized to me, even if he did I would never accept it.)
A few texted me after the issue and I explained to them I was very uncomfortable being around my harasser since he had been stalking and harassing me for over 2 years. It made me feel stressed and anxious, and I told them that.
They said it’s only for the 10 minutes before the class starts, and I told them any number of minutes I’m around him and they’re being friendly with him makes it feel like they’re invalidating my experience.
They told me to******* up for 10 minutes so we can all go back to everything being okay. I told them I wasn’t going to put myself in an uncomfortable position just to hang out with them.
They then told me to text them when I stop being an unreasonable jerk and then kicked me from the group chat.
I feel like at this point I should just******* up so I don’t lose my friends. I don’t want to lose them since they’ve been there for me through a lot, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also: those people are not your friends. If you want to, talk to one of them separately. (Talking, in person, no texts – they can be distributed) and see if that changes something but if it doesn’t you’ll have to look for new friends! Also: I’m sorry your life is hard at the moment, it’ll get better, keep your head up!” NeedleworkerSuch9895
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are you referring to these people as your “friends”? And why are you so afraid of losing them? If my friends were expecting me to cozy up to my harasser, they would no longer be my friends. Kick these people to the curb. It’s not just that they expect you to be nice with a guy who stalked and harassed you (and never apologized to you), but that somehow they think you need their forgiveness!
I would have nothing further to say to them. Ever.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Ditch your friends and their selfish desires. If they cared about you at all they’d be hearing what you’re saying, not ghosting you for not wanting to be around some emotionally irrational guy that has a fantasy relationship with you.” jojozabadu
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Autistic Brother-In-Law To Move In With Us?
“My (m33) wife (f31) and I have been married for 8 years and have had a great marriage. Her family is amazing to me. I am an orphan but they treat me and respect me like their elder son.
We had twins a few years ago and after a lot of discussions, I decided to be a SAHD.
She earned a lot more than me and didn’t want to be home so I took that role. I was okay with it because it was for my family.
I’ve always done all the house chores, taking care of kids, cooking, shopping, etc on time. Our marriage hasn’t struggled at all.
My wife has a younger brother (26m) who is on the spectrum but is high functioning.
When I say “high functioning” I mean in playing on his PS5 or some other games. He’s come to visit us a few times and I’ve always had to clean up, cook, clean his laundry/dishes, and tell him to take showers. Last week he told my wife he wanted to move in with us because he didn’t feel like living at mom’s house anymore.
My wife said yes without talking to me. Just 2 days ago she came up to me and said “oh he’s moving in with us, sorry I forgot to tell earlier”. I said no, I don’t want him to move here and we had a huge argument about it.
I adore the guy. He thinks of me as his big brother and respects me a lot but I already have twins to take care of and the house.
I can’t be running around after him too. My wife says that I should just teach him things and he’ll be fine but I don’t think it should fall on me at all. I would’ve loved to help and all but before we had twins. I still told her that I don’t agree with that decision and she should speak to him about it.
She and her family think I’m being a harsh jerk and it wouldn’t be a big deal if he moved in since my wife makes all the money.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t decide this alone. She should have talked to you about it and you should have made a decision together.
I don’t understand what your wife making money has to do with it? You will have another child to care for since you have to do his cleaning, cooking, laundry & dishes + that of your twins. She 10000% should have consulted you. Does she help with the twins? Or is that only your job too?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ maybe you should invite him to stay for a couple of days on the proviso that your wife cleans up after him entirely, you still look after the twins, and see if she is still happy to take on the extra work.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell your wife that she can be a SAHP and cater to her brother and you go to work and then everything will be fine.
What is going on with people dropping entire adults to care for on other people like it’s no big deal? (Btw, I know that functionality labels are outdated. Autism is a spectrum, not a scale.)” 0blakom
7. AITJ For Not Thanking My MIL's Partner After He Babysat Our Kids?
“Obviously MIL will never babysit again, just want to be clear about that.
We are currently staying with MIL and her partner. MIL did not raise my husband. They never bonded when he was little and then she took off when he was six. She feels a lot of guilt (I think) and tries to help out financially.
We asked her to babysit once a year ago, and she freaked out and called us crying that she couldn’t take it and begged us to come home. I was upset because we had concert tickets and never get to do anything for ourselves, but didn’t tell her that. Her partner heard the conversation and said we should go to our concert and he could handle it.
He has adult kids who he is very close to, and he was a great dad, so we trusted him. He took care of the kids overnight, MIL hid in her room and just handled the pullups because he was uncomfortable. We thanked him, and were annoyed with MIL for losing her composure like that.
We really wanted a date night for our anniversary, but could not get any of our usual sitters. My husband breached it to MIL and she said she could handle it for just one night. I checked in again, and she promised that she could. When we got home from date night, MIL’s partner was in the living room with the kids, and MIL was in the bedroom with the door barricaded. He said she had had a panic attack and said she was going to take Advil and then barricaded the door.
He did not seem happy, but the kids were taken care of. He immediately handed them over and went to their room and it took twenty minutes for him to get her to open the door. He seemed really annoyed but tried to be patient with her, then he came back out and began screaming at me, that next time I want to go out I need to ask him, because he is always the one who ends up watching them and he had work to get done.
He screamed that I am an idiot for thinking she was capable of babysitting and “look what I did to his partner.” He got very condescending and was like “next time you ask me, do you understand?”
I told him there wouldn’t be a next time and he had no right to talk to me like that.
My husband yelled at him for being so rude, and we went to our room. I know he was up all night working on a project because he couldn’t get it done with our kids (they are very active). MIL said in the morning that I should thank him, and I said I was totally prepared to thank him, but after how he spoke to me I will not be doing that.
She said he can speak however he likes in his house and that I’m immature and too sensitive (I would like to see her reaction if he talked that way to her). MIL has been cold to me since and says I’m rude to her partner.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (the more I think about it) but you had to know after the first time she couldn’t handle it, he would take over so he is the one to ask.
He did sacrifice working on his project to take good care of your kids so yes, you owe him thanks. Any action on his part after that does not change the fact that he helped you. He could have called you to come home mid-date. As to the screaming-ever notice how often in these tales the OP says the other guy is screaming but OP just yelled (or was calm)?
We’re getting only one side. How would OP react if she was up all night because someone dumped their kids on her when they should have known better? I’m leaning more toward YTJ because if MIL HID IN THE ROOM the first time you had to know the next time would not be much different.
I dunno, I might have hollered at you too for that stunt. It sounds like OP just wanted the date night no matter what the cost and got exactly what should have been expected.” ohsogreen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew from the first time that your MIL wasn’t capable of taking care of children.
You knew that the partner would be the one to end up taking care of them. You LIVE with both of those people. All you had to do was clear it with the partner and you didn’t even bother. As for the partner yelling at you, it sounds like he was stressed beyond his ability to cope and lost it.
Was it the preferred outcome? No. But the man is only human. He stepped up and cared for your children when he had no obligation to as well as your MIL (who sounds like she has a ton of trauma that you don’t know about. All he wanted was for you to give him a heads-up next time and was frustrated by your response.
My advice to you is to apologize profusely to both of them for losing your temper, thank your MIL for trying her best a second time (especially after the first time was so traumatic for her), thank the partner for looking after the kids when he didn’t have to and then pay for them to have a date night themselves.” Susinko
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Friend To Do My Wedding Hair And Makeup?
“I got engaged about a month ago, and my fiancé and I recently set a date for late 2023.
Everyone is excited, especially my mom, and in my opinion she’s using her excitement as an excuse to ignore boundaries, but everyone (other than my fiancé) is insisting I’m in the wrong here.
My mom’s friend is a hairdresser. My mom has been going to her for at least 25 years, and I grew up having this woman (I’ll call her Stacy) do my hair.
Stacy was great when I was a kid, but as an adult woman, Stacy is… well, she’s very nice, but sometime in the past few years she’s been incapable of doing my hair. A few examples have been:
- I asked for curtain bangs and left with straight-across seven-year-old bangs
- I asked Stacy not to use heat on my hair (trying to protect my natural curls), and Stacy told me I didn’t have curly hair and straightened it anyway
- “Jokes” about checking in with my parents to make sure they “approved” what I was doing to my hair (this lasted until I stopped seeing Stacy at 22)
- The last straw was asking for a caramel balayage and leaving with level 7 or 8 highlights with a money piece because “this looks better, trust me”. She didn’t say anything to me about changing the color to look better, she just did it
So, when my mom asked if I wanted Stacy to do everyone’s hair and makeup, I said no. However, my mom kept asking. I’m not exaggerating when I say she asked almost fifteen times in two weeks, and each time I said no. Eventually, my mother and I came to the consensus that the wedding would be too far away from Stacy to even ask.
I thought that was that.
The next day, my mom called. She had asked Stacy to do everyone’s makeup and hair, and Stacy had accepted! Wasn’t I excited? I reminded her that I had said no, and that even though she had asked Stacy, my answer was still no. My mom just hung up, and I haven’t heard from her since.
My dad and brother, however, are blowing up my phone. They say mom has been consoling Stacy this whole time, and I’m acting like a cold-hearted brat. They think once mom asked Stacy I should have just sucked it up, because Stacy is Mom’s friend, and I’ve really hurt her by excluding her.
Who cares if she screws up hair/makeup? It’s just hair, and it’s just one day. I’m being a bridezilla, and it’s only a month in.
Am I being a jerk about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she can do Mum’s hair and makeup if it’s that important but you have every right to decide who does yours and the bridal party.
Your Mum did this to herself. Ignore your Dad and brother, they don’t want to deal with her antics. I’d also not be accepting any money from them.” ihateusernamecreates
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stacy is the reason I have to switch hairdressers every few years – they start believing that what they give you is more important than what you want.
And I can’t believe they’re saying “it’s just one day.” It’s one of the most important days of your life. I’ve been married nearly 20 yrs and I have a big photo of my husband and me on the wall. If I had to see my messed up hair I’d cry. Stand your ground. It’s mom’s fault for asking Stacy when you already told her no.” dehydratedrain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the only jerk as far as I can tell. Stacy having grown up doing your hair probably asked but you said NO and mom could have just told her that you didn’t want her to work that day because she was going to be a guest. Instead mom told her she was doing it and then had to tell her you said no because…..
IDK what she said but probably the truth and that was just a jerk move tbh. You didn’t hurt her feelings your mom did.” Hadtosignuptofothis
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister Around My Newborn During Christmas?
“My partner and I just had a baby girl, it was quite a surprise but both sides of the family are thrilled and love her to bits.
My younger sister Gigi is still adjusting to the fact that she’s not the baby of the family anymore/is an aunt. She’s out of the city in 1st year university so had only met the baby once in person.
I was with my mum & baby when mum got a call from Gigi. She was stressed and found out her scholarships didn’t cover as much as she thought and she had a balance to pay for the second semester.
The entire call was her yelling at mum “What am I supposed to do? I don’t have time to deal with this. Where do you expect me to get this money from?”
(Our mother is a single mom & works 7 days/week to make ends meet. She has debt and literally no money. Gigi knows this so the fact she resorted to guilt-tripping her made me furious.)
Gigi kept yelling and eventually hung up. She proceeded to text my mother a slew of nasty things like “You’re so useless and not helpful”/”Don’t be surprised if I’m back in the city next semester because you’re not helping me”
I told my mum to tell her the list of options (financial advisor at school, applying for more funding, taking out a student loan, withdrawing for a semester to work and come back in the fall, etc).
Gigi didn’t like any of that advice. She continued with name calling mum a “Stupid useless careless parent” and said “Maybe I’d be in a better situation if I had a parent with an actual good credit score which sure isn’t you”. I took her phone and muted notifications for the rest of the day
Mum cried a bit and asked me “Am I really that terrible of a mother?” which broke my heart because she worked so hard to make a good life for us. I took her out and tried to distract her the rest of the day
Gigi called the next day to “apologize” because she was stressed. My mum said she understood but it wasn’t the 1st time she got explosive/nasty with her and that she can’t keep doing that.
She mentioned family therapy to her (my suggestion). Gigi got explosive again and said “Well everything I said is true. You’re careless and I’m not going to therapy because it’s your fault. I don’t have this problem with anyone but you and (my name).”
After mum updated me on her “apology” I made the decision that I don’t want my baby around Gigi until she decided to get help and has a behavior change.
I don’t want her around someone so emotionally manipulative and verbally abusive
Mum got sad and tried to guilt me into forgiving her because it’s so close to Christmas/holiday season and this wasn’t the time to be fighting especially baby’s first Christmas. She said I’d be ruining Christmas by not letting the family all be together
I get Gigi is family and that uni is stressful, but I’m super uncomfortable with her behavior/don’t want to give Gigi a free pass and think it’s all okay. I feel guilty for asking mum to choose between spending the holidays with Gigi or with me and my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your baby, your choice.
If your sister’s behavior is toxic and you aren’t happy with it don’t have it near you or your little girl. It sounds like your Mum is really trying and maybe this might help open your sister’s eyes a little to the snapping and explosive behavior.” DizzySweets
Another User Comments:
“Everybody sucks here. Realistically Gigi’s behavior has nothing to do with your baby and them being in the same room for this holiday will not affect your baby at all.
What you’re doing is using your baby to manipulate your mom and that’s not ok. Gigi’s immature behavior is unacceptable and she just needs to do what all the rest of us poor students do and take out loans/work. If she refuses to do any of that then it’s her fault if she has to leave school.” deepbluechellie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your baby, your rules. Your job to guard her. Even from bloodkin. Gigi, who struggles to understand/adjust that she isn’t the ‘baby’ anymore, can blow up in a New York minute… I will not insinuate that she will hurt your daughter but would I be surprised? No. As for your mother here is my rule of thumb: if the reason you should do anything is ‘family’, do not do it, forget it.
It is not worth the hassle. Today you ‘have’ to invite this verbally abusive person into your home because ‘family/holiday/Christmas’ and the next time you will not be able to prevent her from attending any kind of celebration at your house. Inviting her will be the first step on this slippery slope.” Tessa_Kamoda
4. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Sister That Chick-fil-A Uses Buttermilk In Their Chicken Tenders?
“I (20F) on Black Friday was out with my fiancé (25M) and his family consisting of dad (54M), mom (53F), grandpa (78M), and sister (14F). His sister has a long history of ED and has severe OCD, for this reason she doesn’t eat dairy for the most part, or gluten or sugar. We went out to Texas Roadhouse and she, let’s call her Marie, was super excited to have the chicken tenders which is why she chose the restaurant.
I have dairy, severe GI issues, have a strict plant-based, low-sugar diet for those reasons I couldn’t really eat anything there. Which I was totally fine with as long as the fam was eating. Marie was looking at the menu already planning on ordering the chicken tenders until she saw they had buttermilk in them.
Then decided she wasn’t going to eat anything since it had buttermilk and that was the only thing she wanted.
I tried to gently tell her, “Hey it’s no big deal to have buttermilk. I thought you guys were eating dairy every now and then. You really were excited for the tenders you should have them.
And since you eat Chick-fil-A all the time it’s no big deal.” Me being stupid I thought she knew that cfa tenders have buttermilk to which she responded, “No they do not”, and I told her “Yes I worked there but it’s not much.” To which she proceeded to call a cfa and then asked to use the bathroom.
While getting up she said “Move I need to go to the bathroom since some people don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.”
I proceeded to get up and leave after receiving messages from her saying “Thanks so much for ruining cfa my favorite place for me. I hope you’re happy. PS the dessert you had last night had eggs and dairy”.
Now my fiancé and I are not on speaking terms with her as she thinks I did it maliciously and that I should apologize. I don’t want to be there for Christmas with her because frankly, she makes me feel like crap and my mental health has been not too good lately. And I don’t want any drama that always manages to happen when we’re with her.
I was wondering AITJ for ruining cfa for her and for not apologizing. Which is now preventing us from coming to Christmas even though we would love to spend it with his dad and grandpa. His mom insists we should be a family and that she has her issues but that she wants us there.
However, his sister sent him a text earlier telling me that I can’t come without an apology and that he is welcome but I am not.”
Another User Comments:
“She doesn’t eat gluten but eats chicken tenders? She knows that’s gluten right? NTJ – she sounds ridiculous. “I can’t have gluten or dairy but I’ll totally eat these chicken tenders which are battered in gluten and dairy then deep fried.” Like what?” SpaceCrazyArtist
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but hear me out. You are absolutely not the jerk here and it sounds like you handled the situation in an extremely kind and caring way. You in no way deserved for her to blow up at you and she does owe you an apology. I hesitate to call Marie a jerk in this situation because it sounds like there is something very wrong here.
She’s 14, already has a long history of shifting eating issues, and has one safe food she sticks to for nebulous reasons. She found out that one of those foods violated her “rules” and one of her first reactions was to immediately go to the bathroom. I’ve been in treatment for an eating disorder that took root when I was 17 and was ignored and this sends up warning bells to me.
Do you and your fiancé know if everything is okay? Is it possible that she really needs help?” lady_forsythe
Why would you be a jerk for telling her the truth? If those things really bothered her, ignorance wouldn't fix it.
NTJ
3. AITJ For Wanting To Take A Secret DNA Test Because I Don't Look Like My Family?
“I 27f think I could be an affair baby or was switched at birth. I honestly don’t know if it is just something I imagined or if it could be true. My suspicion is based solely on me being different from my family.
My dad (62m) is a black man and my mom (59f) is a blond white woman.
I have 2 siblings, a 33m and a 23f, But I don’t look anything like them or my dad.
My brother and sister are both brown and have similar f****l structures that look just like my dad while I am super white and have a round face. They have the same curly hair while mine is straight, they are both athletic (my dad is super skinny) while I’m on the chubby side.
I am taller than my mom and my dad, while my sister is super short.
In general, it’s already a joke that I am the odd one out, physically and my personality is different from my family. I think I could be an affair baby only because my mom also has a round face. But that is as far as similarity goes.
At the same time, I don’t think she was unfaithful to my dad, that is why I think I could have been switched at birth. lol
Like, I once went to the mall with my dad and the saleswoman thought I was his partner because I look nothing like him.
I was talking to my sister and she said she would take the DNA test with me because every time I ask my mom if she has anything to tell me she gets super offended at the idea that she was unfaithful to my dad.
I don’t want to upset her or my dad, but at this point this is really bugging me.
So, would I be the jerk if I took a secret DNA test with my sister only because I don’t look like my family?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here…but use caution. There are tons of siblings that don’t look like one another, and that’s just how gene expression works.
You’re an adult, you can do what you want, there is no harm in taking a DNA test. However, if results come back not as expected. just be aware of how you may feel and how this could affect your family. If you seriously want to do this, recognize the seriousness of the potential consequences.” cheezeBUTnoCheez
Another User Comments:
“As a fellow biracial person, I can tell you that me and my two siblings look NOTHING alike. Seriously, all three of us are different – right up to three different eye colors. I have never questioned my DNA (minus when I was being an overdramatic teen arguing with my parents – but I knew it wasn’t true).
NTJ if you do it to help ease your mind. That said, be cautious and think through all the long-term effects on the off chance that there is no DNA connection. Good luck!” Electronic_Trick_13
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ for constantly accusing your mom of being unfaithful. You know there could be other reasons besides being unfaithful that could have resulted in a baby, right?
Are you prepared for all outcomes of your decision? Genetics are weird. One of my husband’s coworkers is white, blond, and skinny like his mom and his two sisters are brown and Polynesian looking like their dad. My cousin’s 8-year-old looks exactly like me when I was that age, even though my cousin and I only share Korean genetics (he is half white, I am multiracial).
If the test will give you peace of mind, do it. But is it the answer you really want?” AnyConstellation
2. AITJ For Feeling Like I'm Being Replaced By My Housemate While I'm Recovering From A Broken Knee?
“About a month ago I broke my knee really badly. I’m talking four hours of reconstructive surgery, 8 days in the hospital, still on hospital-grade painkillers a month later levels of bad.
I’ve been home for about three weeks and in that time I’ve been pretty much on my own, my housemate in her defense has bought me meals, etc. but basically all day every day I’m on my own, my partner visits around Uni and a few friends have popped in over the last couple of weeks, but still I would say 5/6 out of 7 days a week I’m just on my own.
This doesn’t really bother me, I understand people have their own lives, though I do get a bit lonely and sad, what really bothers me is that it feels like my housemate is stealing my life.
She’s always out with my friends, makes a point of saying she’s been out with them, it’s really starting to feel like rubbing it in my face, when they do come over to see me she turns every conversation into talking about her, her new tattoos, the new guy she’s seeing, etc. I can’t even get a word in, she just talks over me, so I end up giving up on the conversation and playing on my phone or saying my leg hurts and excusing myself to my room.
I’ve asked her so many times before not to talk over me as I find it super disrespectful but she doesn’t seem to care.
Last night really upset me. I spent the whole day in bed because I over-exerted myself the day before doing physio and my knee and ankle were swollen to twice the size.
My friend of years and years messaged to say he was coming over and did we want any food. I messaged back to say I wasn’t hungry and I was having a rest day but to come into my room and say hi because I’d still like to see him. I heard him come in, managed to get up and put some clothes on despite the pain, and waited for him to come say hello.
Except he and my housemate went out to the cinema and never even bothered to come say hello. I could understand if they were interested in each other romantically or whatever, but he’s seeing another friend that I introduced him to and I know he’s really into her so it’s not like that.
It’s really upset me and I’m trying to appreciate that other people have lives and I’m not expecting everyone to drop everything and wait on me hand and foot, but it’s been four weeks and it feels like not only am I being forgotten, my friend group is being stolen by my housemate.
He messaged this morning to say he’s sorry he didn’t come in, he thought they were just going to get food but my housemate suggested going to the cinema and he lost track of time. I messaged back “no worries, I love feeling like I don’t exist, it’s swell” and haven’t said anything since.
I may have overreacted but it would have taken less than 10 seconds to just come in and acknowledge my existence which it feels like no one has done in weeks.
AITJ for feeling like I’m being replaced/superseded?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. Cut the friends and the housemate. One-sided friendships are the worst, they blatantly pretend you don’t exist, so do the same with them. I know it’s easier said than done, but been there, done that. When you are back on your feet, they will try to save the friendship, but they already show you who they are, don’t fall for their crap.” rayofeverythingelse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but make sure you’re being clear with your friends that you do want people to visit. Just because this happened to a friend of mine once, she was in bed recovering from a concussion and she was super upset that none of us were visiting, but it then came out that the person looking after her most had been telling all the rest of us to stay away and that she needed to rest. Make sure your friends aren’t staying away out of a desire to let you heal comfortably without having to entertain them, but definitely not the jerk for wanting to be given attention while recovering.” touchtypetelephone
Another User Comments:
“You need to invite your friends over to see you. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you are giving your friends signals that you want to be alone and rest, but then you’re sad that they don’t come and see you. You need to let your friends know that you want to see them, specifically.
And you need to let them know when you want them to come over. Maybe do one-on-one visits while you are recuperating. Tell them specifically, with words, how they can help. If you are all young, it’s very possible that they don’t know how to best help and support you, so you have to tell them what would make you feel good.
No jerks here, but you seriously have to stop being so passive-aggressive.” ninaa1
1. AITJ For Threatening Legal Action Against My Son's School Over A Prank Incident?
“So I (39F) have a 14-year-old son named Alex. He is a very good kid and until yesterday had never gotten into trouble. Some of his friends are the mischievous type and like doing little pranks at school but I know that usually Alex doesn’t join them.
Yesterday I got a call saying that Alex and his friend had put soap on the bathroom mirrors. Now as far as I know, this didn’t sound like a big deal at all but I just said thanks for letting me know and I’ll talk to him about it.
He also had a state standardized test that day.
When he got home he told me that he and 4 of his friends had left during their test break and were kinda messing around in the bathroom and at one point they put soap on the mirror. Another kid saw them and reported them and the office had to investigate all reports so he and his friends were all called in and questioned and missed a lot of time to take their tests.
He was waiting in the office for about 2 hours before they spoke to him but he only spoke to them for about 10 minutes. They sent him back to class without a pass because they said it was his fault he was there in the first place.
If they had made him a non-physical pass (that’s how his school does it) he would’ve been excused from the part of the test he missed and gotten to make it up with the other students who weren’t there on a different day.
But he got to class when there were 4 minutes left on the test and had to turn it in pretty much all blank. I’ve been having to coordinate with the school board a way to let him re-take it. Now I have to take the day off work so I can drive to another school 20 minutes away during a school day so he can retake it.
And I also have been fighting the district in getting him accommodations for his disability. None of this would’ve happened if that one guidance counselor had taken 30 seconds to write his name on the pass template.
I had been emailing with the principal to see if there’s another way and he said now that they didn’t write the pass there’s not much he can do.
I told him that’s ridiculous and if something like this happens again I will take legal action. Did I go too far? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All these people are ridiculous. Your son put soap on a school mirror, hardly vandalism. Alex wasn’t skipping the test it was his break, he missed the test because the administration made him sit in the office for 2 hours and refused to give the kid a pass.
Why should OP have to go out of her way to take off work and go to an entirely different school for her son to fix the administrative mistake?” Electronic-Ad-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – teach your kid to not participate in TikTok challenges that lead to more work for underpaid custodial employees and there are consequences if he does.” puffalump212
