People Are Concerned About All The Drama In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister About Our Great-Grandma's Property?
“My mom had cancer and I was my mom’s caregiver for the last 2 years of her life. She has 4 kids me (I’m the oldest) my sister Sara (43f) my other sister Eve(39) and baby bro Bob(35m).
When my mom passed my sister Eve and my bro Bob came over to handle the funeral plans. I did not invite them they just showed up. My other sister Sara had previously suggested that we split the cost 4 ways since she had 4 kids. I agreed. Eve and Bob were short on cash.
Luckily,e I had my credit cards that could handle the entire cost of the funeral. So I left my card info and told the funeral place if my siblings don’t come and make a payment, not to hesitate and use my cards. So I ended up paying for everything.
Bob and Eve did repay me though. As for Sara she never showed up to discuss anything, she just called once saying she wanted to know where the rest of my mom’s money was. All my mom had was $1000 That was from her s.s check.
But she kept saying that my mom had told her she had money put away for us when she passed. ( we live in a low-income apt.) She did give us $500 each before she passed. But that was it. She made a big deal that we excluded her from planning the funeral and that we didn’t tell her anything.
Oh yeah by the way she opened a gofund account for my mom. She raised around $1000. We didn’t see a dime of that. Anyway, not too long ago I tried to reach out to her to try and clear the air.
We met at a fast food place to talk.
Biggest mistake of my life she started screaming that I owed her her money and that oh yeah I was abusing my mom the whole time she was with me. That she had recorded her saying I was abusing her. I got furious at this and I told her if it was true why didn’t you do anything about it till after she passed?
Because if she were telling me that you were the one that was abusing her, that would be the last day you would see her. And I would take my mom with me. She didn’t know what to say. So I just got up and left. It was so embarrassing.
She said that she was looking into lawyers because she wanted to open a case of mistreatment against me. So I contacted her main doctor. Her hospice doctor and her nurse the one who came to see her every other day asked if they would be willing to write me a note saying that my mom had no signs of mistreatment.
All the Drs said they would and the nurse said she would testify if I needed her to. But nothing ever came from her. Now my great-grandma had some property and the family was trying to divide everything among the whole family. We have all had to pitch in money to get the lawyers and the paperwork ready.
We are nowhere near done. But I brought up that we should tell Sara about the property so she can pitch in and Eve and Bob don’t want me to tell her. They said if you tell her you deal with her. Plus she is homeless now and I don’t think she would pitch in much.
I should say that according to my family if you don’t help out you don’t get anything. Wibtj if I don’t tell her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From experience, she will only cause more drama. Is there a way she can get a share of the sale but first remove her share of the amount that everyone else has pitched in?” Remote_Setting2332
Another User Comments:
“ESH Your sister is a jerk, but so are you. She’s worried that there was more left by your mom for the kids, and it’s true. She didn’t help out and she’s homeless but you have a major chip on your shoulder about your sister, and not all of it makes you look perfect and her a villain.
This last trick of hiding the property sounds like you are greedy and making excuses.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“Wow ESH Your mother must be turning in her grave, watching her four adult children behave this way! Did she leave a will? If so, HER wishes are to be followed. If she died without one, it goes through a probate court.
The priority is paying off any debt she has. ALL of her assets need to be accounted for. By the time all is said and done, and everyone (including lawyers who oversee the distribution) has been paid up, there might be nothing left over for anyone!
Do not cash her SS check, and notify them immediately of her passing. If her grandmother left the property, it became part of her estate, too. Most times, whatever is left is equally divided between her next of kin (her children). None of you have any say over what you are legally entitled to, so stop planning to “hide” anything your mother owned. That could land you in litigation.
Shame on you all for fighting over money and property. Your mother owed nothing to any of you. I hope she left a secret will that gave all of her property over to some charity she loved.” Aggressive_Cattle320
19. AITJ For Financially Helping My Ex With Rent After He Lost His Job?AITJ For Paying Rent For My Ex Who Previously Helped Me?
“My ex(33M) and I(31F) were together 5 years ago for 3 years. We adopted a dog together that he kept after we broke up. We broke up primarily because I went from not wanting kids to kind of wanting kids at that time and he didn’t want kids and wanted me to be fully on board with the child-free thing but I wasn’t.
I’m now trying for a child with my husband.
The reason I feel obligated to help is because, during the time I lived with my ex, I paid no rent. He was working and I was getting my master’s. Pretty much the entire relationship I was not making much and he was making a lot more to cover everything.
Our rent was $1800 which he covered in full and it was expensive to rent for the city because we needed to live near the university. I paid my groceries and half the utilities but that was it. He also took our dog because after our breakup I could not find a pet-free apartment but I also could not afford rent on the apartment we lived in which allowed dogs.
My husband and I got married a year ago and our finances are combined. We have our own spending money which I was planning on using to help my ex but he is against it because he believes exes should be cut off from all contact.
To be clear I haven’t talked to any ex much and I only recently contacted my ex because we have mutual friends who told me about his situation. His company was absorbed by a bigger one and they laid off most of the employees.
He only got 2 weeks severance and is now on EI but in our city, EI is just a bit more than rent. He is thinking of moving back home to not have to pay rent but the dog we adopted together is dog-reactive and his parents have dogs.
She cannot live with another dog and gets into fights when we try. She was 2 when we got her but already had behavior problems we got her and we never managed to correct it. We talked about me getting her but I have 2 dogs.
I offered him $1000 for 3 months which should let him stay in the apartment and look for a job.
He said he already has some interview processes ongoing and thinks that should be enough to cover and promised he would tell me if he got a job sooner and I could stop payment as soon as he got his paycheck.
It is from my account but I did tell my husband who was very upset and said I didn’t owe him anything.
I explained how for nearly 3 years I didn’t pay rent and the situation with the dog that we adopted together but he said it was his problem and he didn’t argue I should pay rent back then so it’s too late. I pointed out that Milly(his dog) was supposed to be my responsibility and I didn’t want him to have to give her to a friend or back to the shelter.
He said he doesn’t believe it’s about the dog and it’s about how I haven’t moved on. I’m shocked because I haven’t contacted him at all and he was no reason to think I haven’t gotten over my ex.
He said it’s considered unfaithful to use our money on an ex and I pushed back and said money from our accounts is supposed to be fun money and he said sure but not for exes. I still gave my ex $1000 for Nov and told my husband and now he is refusing to talk to me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your husband is trying to set a boundary and you don’t care. I understand you want to help people out but sometimes your exes need to stay in the past instead of in the present. By doing this for your ex you can be giving him false hope that you’ll return to him one day if you don’t want kids or if you and your husband divorce.
Would you be ok with your ex paying his ex’s rent? I know I wouldn’t. If you love your husband and have no feelings for your ex then leave him in the past. Focus on the boundaries your husband is trying to set to make him more comfortable and trustful in your relationship.
This is just sending him doubts and might have him question whether you’re over your ex or not.” RandomUser_9010
Another User Comments:
“I think this is very kind of you and generous. I am completely on board with what you’re doing, but I do see how this could frustrate your husband.
It’s an ex, I get it. Guys can feel threatened, insecure, and frustrated that you’re even involved with an ex (let alone helping out), and also, it’s money (get that as well). But again, I think it’s amazing that you are helping him in a time of need (as he did you, supporting you fully at his expense so you could get your degree) when you were together.
I think it’s nice even though you’re not together, you recognize that he helped you, you’re just returning the favor. It’s not like he brought this to you, you’re just willing to help him out – and also for the benefit of the puppy. It’s not a matter of owing him anything, you’re just helping someone in need who was a big part of your life.
Even if that time has passed, and you’re building a life with your husband. Hopefully, you can re-iterate these points and get your husband on board. PS It’s your money, and you’ve been very transparent.” Outrageous_Fox_3544
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are repaying a kindness that was shown to you in the past. Your ex did not ask you or tell you that you owe him.
He is a decent person and you are a decent person. You are only where you are today because of your ex. He paid higher rent to be near your college and he let you live rent-free for 3 years. And he never expected anything in return.
It’s honorable that you are willing to help when it’s not REQUIRED. Your husband sounds like the kind of guy who will only do what’s legally required of him and will use whatever loopholes he can think of to get more for himself. It’s very kind and compassionate of you to want to help someone who helped you out so much.
He sounds like a good person who doesn’t want to take advantage and will tell you if he gets a job earlier.” PatienceNotMyVirtue1
18. AITJ For Moving Away And 'Breaking Up' The Quintuplets?
“I’m 1 (28 M) of 5 in a set of quintuplets. In order it goes Aiden, Beth, Charlotte, Deanna, and me Eric.
It wasn’t horrible and our parents did in all honesty a great job with all of us. I think the only problem we had was Aiden who was the first out and knew he was the first out had a pretty big ego and felt he was superior over the other four of us and tried to push us around.
Our parents did what they could to keep him in line and for the most part, the rest of us would ignore him.
Three years ago my brother decided to marry his then partner. Our family for the most part is pretty laid back. This is good because out of the five of us, I’m the gay one.
Up to a certain point, it was never really an issue. Or so I thought. His wife’s family complete opposite. Highly political (Conservative) and devoted Catholic. Again to each their own and it wasn’t anything for us to talk to him about. If she makes him happy then there isn’t anything we can do about it. When they got married I wasn’t included in any part of it. Her parents were paying for it and they had the final say and said they couldn’t allow a gay person in the wedding party or the church.
My brothers, sisters, and parents say they fought to get me invited, but were shot down each time. My sisters were part of the wedding party but none declined. My dad offered to stay with me for the day and we would do something. I told him it was okay and both parents needed to be at the wedding. On the day of the wedding, a couple of friends took a day trip. We had a great time but it still would have been nice to see Aiden get married.
Not long after the wedding I was on vacation and met someone. Long distance as it may be three years later we have been making it work. We have been talking about one of moving and I told him I loved Seattle and that if anyone was going to move it was going to be me.
Last night Mom and Dad asked for all of us to come for dinner. I didn’t say much at all and everyone was talking and I was just listening and on occasion saying a yes or no or answering an easy question. My dad finally noticed and looked over and asked if I was okay. I just told him I had a lot on my mind and he asked what was going on “I’m moving to Seattle The room went crazy. I can’t say I was being attacked but it still felt like it with the way everyone was firing off all their questions and calling me a jerk for breaking the five of us up.
Dinner ended shortly after and Dad and I went out to his barn and talked for a long time. Whether he gave it to me or not I am going to move. But he gave me his blessing and told me he would help however he could.
Today Deanna and Beth came over and started in right away. They started blaming Will for splitting the five of us up and calling me a jerk for not taking the rest of us into consideration. I told them it’s not a big deal and at least one of us has the ambition to move on with their life.
So AITJ for moving and breaking up the five of us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a quint doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t have your own life. You are an individual! It’s normal to move. I’m glad your dad is at least on your side.
And hey, if they are gonna talk about dividing the family I’d note you felt that way when you were not even invited to your brother’s wedding. I hope their reactions were mostly due to shock and they come to understand that you should do what makes you happy, and they should support you in that.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry that you were put through that. I’m from a Catholic background and that is not something the church teaches. They sound more like extremists. We aren’t supposed to pass judgment on others. Your brother was the first one responsible for “splitting” you up when he allowed his brother to be excluded from his wedding.
And the rest of the set decided to stand by him and not by you. If it was my family, and one of us wasn’t welcome, then none of us would have gone. So, inform them that they all contributed to making you feel like an outsider when they accepted you’d be left out.
It was your brother’s wedding, too, and it’s on him for letting his wife and family dictate who was welcome. They need to stop being so self-centered. It’s unreasonable to expect that all 5 of you will velcro together for life. You can remain close and in touch while each follows the path of their choice.
Best wishes on YOUR journey.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there’s a jerk involved, it’s Aiden, who allowed his fiancee’s family to block you from his wedding, and your sisters, who allegedly ‘fought’ against that decision but were happy to be part of the wedding party anyway after you were ousted. Also, if they gave Aiden a free pass ‘because he’s in love’, why can’t your sisters do the same for you, now that you are in love?” KarinSpaink
17. AITJ For Choosing My Wedding Dress Without My Financially Struggling Mom Present?
“I (25f) scheduled my wedding dress appointment 2 months in advance. On the day that I scheduled, I invited my mom because this is something that would be special for us to experience together. I made sure to give her a time date and location well in advance because we do live a fair distance apart (6-hour drive).
A week leading up to my appointment my mom told me multiple times that she was struggling financially, she told me about several bills she couldn’t pay, and that she was doing DoorDash to make ends meet. I told her no worries, and that I could send her pictures from my appointment.
4 days before my appointment she told me she would make it work and make the drive because she’s dreamt of this day since I was a kid. Two days before my appointment she asked me to reschedule til next year so that it would better fit her schedule, and I explained to her that I had multiple people coming to my appointment and it would be a lot of work to reschedule.
I tried to compromise and told her that I would schedule a second appointment at a later date so she could be there when I picked up my dress.
The day before my appointment she called me to tell me that she was going to get her hair done that night (which cost $150), and then she was taking her man out to dinner.
(Her partner is an abusive jerk who doesn’t pay for anything and works a dead-end job to buy substances and booze). This deeply hurt me because I was under the impression that she was in financial shambles.
Well, I went to my appointment and absolutely fell in love with a dress.
I found a dress that made me feel like a bride and made me sob in the showing room after I tried it on. The guests that did come (MIL, GIL, and MOA) all cried and shared a beautiful moment with me that made everything feel so real and exciting.
I ordered the dress and I’m currently waiting for it to come in.
So, AITJ for picking my dress without my mom there when I know it’s something she’s been looking forward to since I was born? I can’t help but feel selfish for taking the experience away from her.
Are her priorities wrong or am I just being a bridezilla?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay, read this and see what you think: “Am I a jerk because I invited my Mom to come help pick out my wedding dress and she decided to have an expensive night out with her partner instead?” How on earth could you be the jerk because your Mom bailed?
Is she abusive? I mean, it’s odd to me that you could think you are the jerk in this situation, which makes me worry about what she does to you. In any case, good luck! I hope you have an amazing wedding.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did everything you could to accommodate her, and in the end, she chose not to attend. Tell those family members that YOU planned this event specifically so she could attend, and she flaked on you at the last minute to get her hair done.
She’s done this your entire life, so I suppose it’s not surprising that she sabotaged this event for you too, or tried to. My advice is to give her all the information she needs to show up and be part of things and let the chips fall where they may.
Don’t reschedule anything or go out of your way to facilitate her. You could probably buy her a plane ticket and organize a limo ride right to the wedding, and she’d figure out a way to screw it up because *that’s what she does*.
So drop the rope, make your plans, enjoy your wedding, and let Mom deal with the consequences of her choices. That’s all you can do.” Bundt-lover
16. AITJ For Correcting My Coworker's Mistakes And Being Accused Of Invalidating Her ADHD?
“I (27F) work full time at a college library.
I have worked here since 2018, and in this position for 7 months. We hire student workers to do smaller tasks (mostly working the circulation desk) and their financial aid pays them for the hours. My coworker (21F) just started working as one in September. I helped interview them but that is the most of my “official” involvement- and she interviewed amazingly.
I am not her supervisor, her supervisor is my other coworker (35F) who shares a job title and office with me. When she isn’t here, I’m the go-to for helping out and questions since as a specialist, she and I work in all areas of the job.
Said supervisor has been on leave for personal reasons for about 2 weeks now.
She routinely cannot perform the job functions, however. She rarely asks for help with them, either. I have to overhear her actively making a mistake to step in and solve it or she’ll never tell me.
This is hard as I have non-circ desk work to be done that I have to cram on days she isn’t here since at this point I have to be out there for this reason. It’s also difficult as I’m partially deaf. She also will not answer the phone- one thing I have an official accommodation to not do except in emergencies/nobody else is there.
Today I stepped in on her making a mistake that could have cost us a couple hundred dollars in materials. After the student left and nobody else was around, I told her that if she needed help with anything she was unsure of, the best thing to do was ask me.
I also asked if she wanted any reminders on our phone procedures. She stared blankly at me without responding to either thing and went back to her seat.
The next day my boss took me aside and said she had formally complained about me invalidating her issues with her ADHD memory problems. I know everyone’s different but since the reason I’m hard of hearing is a TBI that also impacts my memory function (my desk is full of sticky notes of procedural reminders for myself).
I don’t disbelieve she has memory issues but I don’t believe it’s what came into play. I explained it to my boss and she understood my side but since it pertains to disability it has to go to HR now against me.
I might be the jerk because she’s younger with less work experience than me, and a condition that makes her tasks hard and I’m not her supervisor to have stepped in like that- it may have come across as rude, overstepping, and invalidating.
I didn’t think I came across this way but I know that intent isn’t always impact but I’m trying to rack my brain on if I did something wrong or not. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on this. You saw her making what sounds like a pretty big mistake.
You talked to her in private to try to see if she needed help. Unless you left something out, I don’t see how she could get offended by that. That isn’t even necessarily an ADHD memory issue… new hires can often make mistakes. Being offered help when you are making a mistake shouldn’t be something taken as an offense.
The reaction is weird.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she needs accommodations for a disability, then she should go through the ADA process and get those accommodations. (Like you already did.) Coaching from a senior coworker when you’re making a mistake isn’t the same thing as being invalidated. That’s just nonsense.
We all make mistakes in a new job, and hopefully, someone is around who cares enough to help us learn. I wouldn’t worry about the HR thing, although one of your best routes through this is to ask HR if there are any accommodations you should be aware of when you’re working the same shift. It sounds like you’re the only supervisor right now, so correcting her mistakes and coaching her on the proper procedures would logically fall to you.
However, you could verify that with HR also – that the scope of your role as the sole supervisor/specialist would be to help train the new person, and direct them to tasks that are their duties but are being left undone (like answering the phones).” ATXNerd01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her ADHD doesn’t excuse major mistakes that can cost her employer money. If she’s incapable of doing the work, she can request accommodations; If she doesn’t, then it’s assumed she doesn’t need them. In either case, she’s expected to do the job correctly–her disability doesn’t excuse her not doing it correctly.
You’re also entitled to a formal response to HR that lays out the work performance issues and the girl’s lack of acceptance of the accommodations you’ve offered her. Include that her actions can cost the library money–it’s HR’s job to protect the interests of the company.” Pladohs_Ghost
15. AITJ For Not Offering Extra Cash To My Ex-Wife To Keep The Peace?
“I left my wife of 14 years approximately seven years ago and have always contributed towards our children. I am not an absent father and I see my children extremely regularly. When I left, she took me for all I had and I have rebuilt myself up over the last seven years to the point that I have managed to purchase a house after she received my previous property as part of the divorce.
In total, she got in the ‘settlement’ of my house, and my car and I got the marital debt to the tune of 25 grand and a heavy drinking problem. She didn’t leave my pension as it turns out she had been skimming my wages to top her pension pot (I was very naive with money and she dealt with it)
I am extremely lucky that I have a stable job that supported me through my issues including a bout of severe depression and hidden heavy drinking. I can talk about both now but at the time life was a struggle.
I have, since day one paid above and beyond child support, I regularly get both my children (16 twins) the things they need and the occasional treat (I don’t believe in spoiling), they both have phone contracts that I pay for and they both have a small amount set aside for their 18th birthday from me.
I have done without things I needed to ensure they were set up.
I’ve recently taken a job abroad and my son has decided to live with me, this has led to a rearrangement of our financial agreements and she has torn strips off me saying I am starving her (she receives just shy of £400 a month at present) and she can’t afford to take my daughter to the airport or pick my son up when he visits.
She is trying to get a solicitor and wants to pry more money off me, I have not asked her for any money for flights despite the cost and am trying to get an airport closest to her to avoid any issues as I have no doubt she will take it out on the kids, not physically but verbally as she has done before.
I yearn for the day the kids are 18 so I don’t have to deal with her ever again apart from weddings or large events in our children’s lives.
AITJ for not offering a bit extra cash to cover any additional costs to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no “keeping the peace”. Her demands don’t have a limit. Let her know that if she keeps pushing, you’ll reduce your support to the court-ordered amount and let your respective solicitors and the court decide whether any adjustments are appropriate.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There is no ‘peace to keep’ since she will ensure the twins, your life, and hers will contain conflict, tension, and blaming. You are meeting your legally required child support; end of story. Live your life. Require she only contact you regarding the twins via email unless it is a medical emergency.
Add other boundaries that protect you and your kids. Yes, welcome to a glorious 18th birthday. Your love has no bounds and I’m certain they will be touched by your gift. Thrive OP!” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your son will live with you – she owes you child support for him.
Your child support should decrease. Also, you have zero responsibility to feed her. You’re responsible for your daughter but not her mother – she got what she was entitled to in the divorce.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As I’ve said elsewhere in the comments, my ex-husband is obligated to pay £7 a week in child maintenance, and it’s not because I earn more than him as I’m currently not working.
A £400 a month informal agreement seems more than reasonable unless you are making money hand over fist. Let her take you through court and pay exactly what you’re told to. That way no one can ever say you’re being unfair.” PepperPhoenix
14. AITJ For Attending My Cousin's Wedding After Being Uninvited For Being Lesbian?
“My (18f) cousin’s (22f) wedding was this weekend. I’ll call her Mary. Growing up, we were pretty close, as I and my siblings (20f and 23m) often went to Mary’s house. Lately, we haven’t seen each other much, because all of them moved away for college, but it’s still nice to see each other at family events.
A year and a half ago, she met her now husband. He was invited to Christmas, Easter, and every family event since then. When he was there, I noticed that Mary was a lot more distant than usual and barely talked to me but talked with my siblings all night.
I figured it was probably just because of our age difference.
A few weeks/months ago, we got an invitation to their wedding in the mail. Or at least my parents did. My name wasn’t mentioned on the invitation, which was addressed to “The *ourlastname*s”, but since I still live with my parents, and my brother and sister both got one, I assumed I was included, and so did my parents.
But Mary’s face dropped when she saw me. She pretended to smile but I could see something was bothering her.
The wedding went on, but during the cocktail, Mary came up to me and asked me why I had come since she hadn’t sent me an invitation.
I was taken aback a bit, but told her that we assumed I was included, and asked her why she didn’t invite me. She avoided the question, but after insisting a bit she told me that she wanted her husband’s family to have a good impression of her family, and didn’t want them to know that her cousin was a lesbian, because she wanted to have a “normal family”.
For context, our family is pretty open-minded, and all of them accept me, but her husband and his family are a lot more traditional and conservative. What I don’t understand is, that I don’t “look gay” (whatever that means), and they would’ve never known unless someone told them.
I was so shocked. I told her that she was sick of caring about impressing a bunch of bigots more than her cousin. She got mad at me and we both got a bit loud, which attracted attention. People came to find out what was happening.
When they found out, my parents said that she was being mean and shouldn’t have made a big deal about this. A bunch of other people said that it was wrong of me to come when I wasn’t invited. Mary started telling me to leave, so I stormed off.
Since then, I have been receiving texts from her and her parents saying that I was a jerk for coming, making a scene, and ruining her big day. I understand that it’s her wedding and she can invite whoever she wants, but her words were so hurtful… And I genuinely thought I was invited. But I know it’s wrong that I caused such a scene on her wedding day.
Maybe I should’ve just left and not said anything? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ if it was genuinely an innocent mistake about the invite. I mean, you live at home, your parents and siblings were invited, and you’ve never been previously excluded, there was no reason to think that you weren’t included even though not specifically mentioned, as you said your siblings don’t live at home so they got separate invites. Out of interest would your parents and siblings etc still have gone to the wedding if they knew that you had been excluded for being a lesbian?
Even about the scene: you did not cause a scene, she was the one that made a scene. She could’ve just looked past your attendance since you weren’t harming anyone. But instead, she insulted you, and you defended yourself. Edited spelling” Equivalent-Moose2886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your parents and siblings were all invited, it would be logical to believe you were invited too. Especially as nobody had discussed it with your family. Did your grandparents know that you weren’t invited? At least your family can cut them all off knowing what awful people they are.” 3bag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she ruined things for herself by putting you on the spot and then escalating things and by being a huge bigot. She should have kept her pie hole shut and been a gracious hostess. You did nothing wrong – based on the invitation, you were right to assume you were welcome.” FauveSxMcW
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Wedding Dress To My Ex-Wife?
“This is difficult so bear with me. I (29F) was married to “Anna” (31F) for 3 years. We had been friends since high school and married as soon as we were both out of college.
Anna is trans and came out about 2 years in but had been hiding it for a long time. It was an extremely difficult time for both of us and ultimately I couldn’t stay. It had less to do with her being a woman and more to do with her personality and behavior changing so much and not in a good way.
The person I fell for didn’t exist anymore and maybe never did. Divorcing was messy and painful, and I avoided her as much as I could.
I finally started seeing someone last year and I’ve met someone. When we started making plans to move in, I decided that it was a good time to do a clear-out.
I still had my wedding dress and I decided to pass it on to someone else who could make better memories with it. It was my perfect dress, and I know a lot of people who are either planning or about to be planning their weddings.
I posted about it on social media so my friends could have first dibs and several people were interested. The next day, I got an email from Anna who said she wanted the dress. It was an odd request because at last report through mutual friends, she is still single and I can’t imagine what she would do with the dress.
Our body sizes are so different that I don’t think the dress could even be altered to fit her. So I told her that another friend had already called Dibs.
Anna has been arguing at me – I’m trying not to engage, so at not with – ever since, saying that it was her wedding too and she should take precedence over some rando.
It’s the least I could do. Several of her friends have contacted me to tell me what a terrible person I am and how upset refusing has made her when she’s already having a rough time.
I’m conflicted now because this means a lot to her, but the idea that she would keep my wedding dress when we’re divorced and not even friends makes me feel weird.
I think it would be better for the dress to go to someone who’s going to love it and wear it on their special day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not with her anymore. It’s over. There is no onus to her. I understand the sentimentality and the request, but it’s entitled to think they are owed the dress because you two were once married before divorcing.
That’s already happened. It’s in the past. It’s over. It’s not reasonable nor healthy to be holding each other to these arbitrary expectations. If she doesn’t have the dignity to accept that you’ve already given it away, then that’s unfortunately her problem. And you are most wise for not engaging in her attempts to embroil you in this drama.
Your ex’s opinion is not pertinent. So is her friends’ opinion. It’s ok and the best choice to ignore them. You’ve already communicated your piece. Don’t give them anything more despite their efforts to flame you. Silence is golden.” babaduke999
Another User Comments:
“It’s your dress.
You can decide what you’d like its future to be. Nothing more needs to be justified – NTJ. It would be very reasonable to tell Anna that while you want the best for her in her future you feel her using the dress for a future relationship would be difficult for you after your marriage ended so painfully.
If she isn’t willing to spare you the pain it would cause, it says a lot about her. Sometimes the truth works best.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your dress, your decision. Simple as that. But on top, I do find her behavior odd too.
Maybe some feelings are still there, or she simply treasures the memory (but there is also surely other memorabilia of the wedding other than the clothing). It’s a nice sentiment from your side to say you want to offer the dress a second life and make one of your friends happy.
You should go with the decision you feel happiest with.” bluesnowdrops
12. AITJ For Wanting My Step Dad To Give Me Away At My Wedding Instead Of My Bio Dad?
“My (29f) dad (59M) & I don’t have a great relationship. My parents split by the time I was & I don’t remember them ever together. I have many full bio sisters and step-siblings (from my dad’s remarriage). I happen to be the youngest.
Now by the time I was about 10ish, my dad had stopped making trips to visit me & spend time with just me.
I remember as a 6-8 year-old asking for time for myself, my sisters & my dad. I even had a plan. Dad and I go to one movie, stepmom and her kids go to a different movie & then we all go to dinner together this was rejected because he couldn’t do that to his partner.
Dad used to call all the time when I was small but close to bedtime & with no new info. It was always “So what’s new?” This question would be asked 10 & then I’d go to bed. I told him to stop calling so late I was always staying up to talk to him.
He stopped calling.
When I was 17 I advised him I was on meds for my mental health & he said “What do you have to be depressed about?” I said our relationship, ending up screaming at him over the phone. My parents (mom and stepdad) could hear & were worried about me.
When I was 18 or 19 we got in a bigger spat where I told him he wasn’t there for me and our relationship was crap. He decided to sic his sister on me. She told me I had no right to speak to my father like that, no right to feel how I felt.
I have gone to NC with most of that side of the family.
I talk to my father once a year on my birthday, his wife writes a card & writes a cheque telling me to visit and they love me. I always respond & thank them.
I have strained relationships with all my sisters, and no relationship with step-siblings & stepmom. Well, now I’m getting married. I love my family and wish that they’d put aside arguments & show they care about me once in my life. I have invited all bio sisters minus 1 who didn’t respond when I told her of my upcoming marriage.
What my dad doesn’t know yet is that my stepdad is the man who will give me away. I’m willing to compromise & have my father walk me halfway, give me to my stepdad’s dad and my stepdad give me to my husband. That is as far as I’m willing to go.
This is also for my future husband’s sake as he has only met my father once but my stepdad monthly. My stepmother is invited as I know my father would not join if I didn’t invite her. My stepdad has been in my life since I was 6.
He is amazing & has always been there for me. Every time I was upset or sick he was there, if I needed a ride home he was there. He has helped me in my career & I love him with all my heart. He is my dad.
I told my sister that Dad would not be giving me away. She was surprised & thought it would hurt her feelings.
For over 10 years I’ve had little to no contact with my dad & I think it would be presumptuous of him to assume he gets that honor while never being there for me.
I admit I know he loves me but he picks his wife & stepchildren over everyone no matter what & I won’t stand for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the fact that none of your siblings even have a relationship with you does give me pause.
Like you are the common denominator. Regardless it’s your wedding your choice. I am just very interested in the other dynamics going on.” BallComprehensive737
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you realize your compromise is probably not going to work, right? Bio dad is going to throw a fit because the spotlight won’t be on him for the entire walk up to your soon-to-be husband and he might have to admit another man was your actual dad your entire life, as opposed to just being your sire like he’s been.
Considering your father treated you like that and your stepmother hit(s) her kids, I’m not sure why you want either of them in range to ruin your wedding day. Yes, not inviting your father will probably ruin the last of your relationship with him, but him being there and you giving any attention in the ceremony to the man who succeeded when he failed will probably do the same thing.
You can either entirely acquiesce to bio dad’s expectations, let him walk you down the entire aisle, and let him pretend he was worth jack stuff to you growing up, or you gotta accept you have to let him go. Condolences to your situation, but congratulations on the wedding.
I hope the life you have ahead of you is bright and filled with love.” Labyris
11. AITJ For Feeling Guilty About My Sister's Dog's Death Due To My Gift?
“A couple of years ago my sister’s dog passed away. It was especially sad for her fiance since he had raised the dog from a puppy and his mom had also just passed away that year as well.
A truly terrible year for him/them.
What happened is that I had made a needle-felted little head of her fiance for Christmas about a year prior when I was very into needle felting and I made the center of this head from a ball of yarn.
The dog unfortunately ate this needle-felted ball. They took the dog to the vet right after he had eaten it and my sister had asked me what was inside the ball for the vet to know and I had told her it was yarn. She kept us all updated on our communal chat and we were all very supportive.
I was feeling more and more dread that what was causing this was something I gave them to put in their home. I know that when an animal eats string it can see their insides, but I didn’t think that their dog would eat this ball.
I was hoping that the dog would be ok. He had gotten surgery and it was looking like he had a chance.
My sister informed us all via the group chat that the dog had unfortunately passed away and I burst out crying. I had been holding onto this guilt that I was hoping would just become a scare and to be more careful who I gift with these needle-felted things.
My coworkers and I had luckily just finished cleaning our last place and my boss was on her way to driving me home. I told her why I was crying and asked if she could drop me off at my parents’ since they live near me.
Let me be so clear before I continue. I never mentioned that I was crying or anything to my sister. I never placed on my sister the guilt I felt- I only messaged her that I was so sorry for her and her fiance’s loss and that if she needed anything at all I was around.
She had said thank you and that she was appreciative of my message and I sent her a heart emoji.
When I got to my parents I had been crying and they asked what was wrong and I let them know how guilty I felt- I told them I knew that it didn’t help the situation and that I didn’t think my sister blamed me at all but I just felt so bad and I just needed a bit of emotional support.
My dad kind of rolled his eyes at me and was kind of mad and said that it was a dog and dogs do these things. I told him I knew it was ridiculous but I couldn’t help feeling guilty since if I hadn’t given them that little head, the dog would still be alive, and the death was horrible.
My dad then said sharply to me “This isn’t about you.” I told him I knew that, I told him I wasn’t bugging my sister with my feelings but I was upset and just wanted to be around someone or some family. My sister and her fiance live just outside of town, I knew she wasn’t going to be there and I had no intention of making my guilt her problem to deal with.
I left for home soon after. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have been devastated had it been me. That said, I hope you and your sister and brother-in-law heal from this and you forgive yourself. You did nothing you could have foreseen hurting the dog.
You were being thoughtful with the gift. I’m not a fan of your dad’s attitude or that of people like him who act like people shouldn’t be upset over a pet’s death. I think you should not feel bad about being sensitive.
Empathy is a beautiful quality. You sound like a lovely person.” Ornery-Commission567
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here; I get why you were upset, and you weren’t hurting anyone by asking. But, gently- becoming so distraught at work from the news of your sister’s dog dying that you need to leave and go to your parent’s house for support is not a typical reaction.
If you tend to have trouble with emotional regulation, I can see why your dad might not have had much patience for you at the moment, since he was probably pretty worried and sad for your sister.” Pluto_Charon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you went to look for support outwards, and your dad was unnecessarily cruel.
You didn’t go to the people directly affected by this (inwards) and demand they soothe your pain. Your request was human and reasonable. I’m very sorry for your sister’s family and I’m also sorry for you. I hope deep down you know it’s not your fault even if I’d be as upset as you are.” jolandaluna
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Disapproving Grandmother To My Wedding?
“I (25F) got married to my husband(36M)(Mike). Context-I’m from a traditional, Catholic, Hispanic family. Besides my parents, they live far away so they met Mike a year after we started seeing each other. They instantly liked him, except my grandma(GM)(76F). From the start, she disapproved of him because he’s not Hispanic or Catholic, he’s too old, and a whole bunch of other things not worth listing.
Mike’s always been respectful to GM. But it grew from dirty looks to passive-aggressive comments to outright insults in Spanish in front of him. We see her 1x/2x a year, but it makes me livid. I’ve confronted her every time, even my mom(GM’s daughter)has told her to stop.
2ish years later at our engagement dinner, GM approached and insulted Mike, ending by saying she didn’t give us her blessing. I’d had it. I pulled my parents and Mike aside. I told them I didn’t want GM at our wedding. GM had been nothing but horrible to him from the start.
It was clear that no matter how many times/my mom told her to stop, she was going to keep spitting her venom at Mike. He shouldn’t have to deal with that at his wedding/any other day for that matter. I tried to be respectful b/c of the whole “she’s family, she’s our matriarch” thing.
But enough was enough. I also apologized to Mike profusely for all he’d gone through just to keep the peace. My parents supported my decision.
Now, a month after the wedding(which my family kept on the down low)my phone blows up from calls from GM.
She started yelling at me in tears, asking how could I have robbed her of my wedding(I was the first of her grandkids to get married). How could I have done this to her? I told her she’d made it perfectly and she didn’t like Mike.
If she couldn’t be nice when I asked her to, how could I trust that she wouldn’t be cruel to him at our wedding? She tried defending herself, but somewhere in there said something like “That’s how much I love you, I would’ve gone to your wedding despite you going through with it against my wishes”.
That set me off. I yelled at her for the 1st time and ended it w/ saying “Mike and I are a package deal. You disrespect him, you disrespect me. I won’t tolerate it anymore. Consider me out of your life until you apologize to him”.
I hung up.
Everyone has been saying that GM is a wreck. Crying nonstop and begging for me to talk to her. But she’s also wailing that Mike has somehow turned me against her it’s all his fault. My family sides with me, they’ve all seen firsthand how awful GM was to him.
Now I’m getting bombarded with messages from family I’ve never even met(my GM’s siblings, nieces, and nephews)saying I’m the jerk for doing that to her.
I do feel guilty. I love my GM, but part of me does wish she could’ve seen me get married. But I wasn’t going to stand for her maltreatment of Mike.
I won’t talk to her until she apologizes to him. Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled but I stand by my decision to not invite her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. All your grandma has to do is apologize. I’m pretty sure humility is one of the cardinal virtues or something.
Maybe you could have talked to her before the wedding about some kind of agreement about how she has to behave, but like darn. Why is it on you to deal with all this nonsense, when your grandmother could, you know, just not act insane?” volumeoforgottenlore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is Grandma living with the consequences of her actions. Despite what she said, you had no reason to trust that she would not make a scene at your wedding, and her behavior currently is certainly supporting your decision. As far as the family you’ve never met messaging you – this is how you know you’ve won.
When people know they can’t win an argument on the merits of their case, they try to win via peer pressure. In other words, grandma realized that she lost the argument, so she outsourced bullying you and your husband to other family members.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t bring someone so hostile against your husband to your wedding. However, I think warnings like “If you talk like this you won’t be coming to the wedding” may have helped earlier on. I think conveying a message of “Grandma I love you but you cannot come to the wedding because you speak horribly about my fiancé” could have also been ideal if it was possible.
Ultimately though, you did what you justifiably needed to do and you preserved a healthy boundary for the good of the family you have created.” Jordn100
9. AITJ For Using My Appointment To Skip The Line At The Lab?
“Since I live in Canada anybody can go get a lab test done for free, most people do walk in but you can make appointments.
Earlier today I went to get my lab test done, and I made an appointment for right when they open.
I got there earlier and there was already a big line going around the hallway of people waiting. Since I had an appointment and the doors weren’t open yet I just stood by the front and walked in when they opened the doors.
One guy in the line makes a remark saying, this guy is cutting in, which I don’t respond to but then I get inside and I see everyone is lined up in the appointment line.
(There are 2 lines with a sign saying, appointment left and Walk in on the right). So I went up to the front and asked if everyone was there for an appointment, which everyone in that line said no, so I was like ok, I am gonna stand here and wait till they called me up.
I also mentioned to the guy that this line was for appointments only.
He then gets mad at me saying I should be at the back of the line, all the way down the hallway no matter if I have an appointment. I tell him, no, there are 2 lines for a reason and I get priority.
He starts getting angry and raising his voice saying the same thing over and over until the people at reception tell him that the appointment has priority and it doesn’t matter.
I didn’t want to start anything but I get called up right away anyway and go get my lab work done with no problem.
Was I a jerk for just cutting through, I understand some people do wait a long time to try to get in first, but there are 2 lines for a reason and anybody can make appointments if the time is available. I made that appointment 6 weeks ahead of time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get annual bloodwork in the US and I go online and make an appointment. Say my appointment is for 8 am. I roll in at 7:55 and get taken almost immediately and am back in my car driving away no later than 8:10.
EVERYONE has the same ability to go on the website and make an appointment. It’s not a special reserved thing They just…didn’t.” dragonfeet1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar experience at the Secretary of State’s office. They take walk-ins but people with appointments go first. I got a lot of glares when I walked into a full room and they called my name right away.
Did it bother me? No, not at all.” the misty crystal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not your fault they can’t read the signs, and it’s not your fault that they didn’t take the time to make an appointment. The clinic really should make more of an effort to have people lined up with the appropriate signs though, because all of this hostility would’ve been avoided if there was someone out there announcing where to be.” dutchessmandy
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half The Daycare Cost After My Ex Insisted On Enrolling Our Daughter In His School District?
“My daughter is currently in kindergarten and goes to school in the school district her dad resides in. Her dad was insistent on putting her in school there and enrolled her in his district.
I had a family member who was going to take my daughter to and from school for me while I worked but that changed last minute, I tried to talk my daughter’s dad into enrolling her in the district I live in as he is the only person who lives in that district (approximately 20 minutes away from me) and all of his family who could help him get her to and from school live here as well but it became a huge argument and so because it was so last minute, I just took the fall and his parent said he will see this backfire on him and maybe we can choose the district I live in next school year.
We both had to utilize the before and after-school “daycare” services that the school offers due to our work schedules. Her school doesn’t have after-school programs until the kids hit 3rd grade so younger children have to use a daycare-like program which is not free and is billed weekly.
Since her father and I both used the services an equal amount (we share 50/50 custody), we split the cost in half. And pick her up and drop her off on our prospective days.
I am due to have another baby at the beginning of December, but due to complications, I was pulled from work early and went on early leave.
Now I am no longer in need of the before and after school program and can take my daughter to school at normal times, and offered to pick her up from school on his days at normal pick up, but I cannot wake up on his days with her to pick her up and take her to school so he will still need to utilize the before school program.
He said that was great and appreciated the help and since payments are due on Mondays which are my days with her, he will just send his half of the cost on the weekends so I can add my half to the envelope and turn it in when I bring her to school.
I asked him what he meant by my half and said I would not be contributing as I no longer needed the services, and I tried to enroll her in the district in my city to prevent us from having to pay for the “daycare” but he didn’t want me to.
He said she is just as much my child and I’m still responsible for the half even if I’m not using it on my days but I disagree. He called me difficult and a jerk and said I’m just trying to make his life harder.
His parents agreed with me and said that he should be responsible as he is the only one who needs the services now and this could’ve been prevented if he just agreed to enroll our daughter in the district that I live in as well as all of his family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- with 50% custody, you don’t have to subsidize his choice when it has nothing to do with your need to bridge the gap in care. Perhaps he should consider transferring her to a school in her physical community that has actual familial support.
Until then, this is what he wanted.” Small-Help-8382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you are not utilizing daycare during scheduled time with the child, you are not obligated to pay. If it billed weekly then it would seem to me that the school would only bill for weeks your daughter is using the service.
If you don’t use it during your week, they shouldn’t be billing for that time. You should be able to stop paying for that which you don’t use and your husband will be for the weeks he uses and should pay that himself. I would check with the school, but why else would they expect weekly payments unless each week was billed separately?
So, no NTJ and you don’t owe it.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“I went through this with my ex-husband, obviously check the laws/policies where you live but when I had to deal with this the court was very clear that each parent is responsible for whatever happens during their custody time If he has her in daycare during his custody time then he is responsible for paying, if he picks her up late and gets charged a late fee (like my ex) then he is solely responsible for paying it Also, if you end up in court over the issue of which school she attends the court will side with the school district that offers the most support and resources for the child, so generally speaking, if all the family support is in your district than they will agree she should be in your school district NTJ – easy to see why he is the ex!” HellaGenX
7. AITJ For Taking A Puppy To Prevent My Sister From Breeding It?
“I 22F got a dog (Bella) when I was 11, my parents didn’t want it but I managed to convince them and she became mine. Fast forward to now, I went away to college and my parents have been taking care of her for me. She’s been with them for several years now and my mom grew attached and asked if they can just keep her there when I get out of school since that’s the only place she’s ever known.
Bella’s almost 10 now so I said yes. I love her to death but all she knows is my childhood home. Well, my parents never got her fixed like I asked because she wasn’t around any male dogs and she lived inside, until recently. (I’ve already argued with my parents about their lack of responsibility when it came to fixing her like I asked and offered to pay for) Fast forward to now, she got pregnant and had 2 female puppies.
We were incredibly concerned because of her age and the fact that it’s her first litter, but luckily she’s okay and the puppies are good too. I found out just before they were born that my older sister Natasha (25F) had told my parents that she wanted one of the females so that she could breed the mutt puppy with her mutt dog to try to get a single puppy to raise for herding (she has a small farm).
I am adamantly against the idea of any of the dogs being used for breeding since there are so many alternative ways to get a dog. They wanted a whole litter for one puppy with no plans on who would take in the remaining puppies, so I told my parents that they could have their pick of the puppies and that I would take the other.
I didn’t want another dog, I have a 6-month-old dog as it is so I wanted to wait a bit longer. I can provide the puppy with love and veterinary care as well as a typically good life, but I feel like I’m the jerk because my parents think that I’m taking something my sister wants just because she wants it, but I’m not.
I’m taking it because I want the puppy to have a good home and not be bred to a dog twice her size. I’m taking it because I feel like it’s the right thing to do. If I were to give it to someone else, it would cause a bunch of family problems because my sister has already asked for it.
Since there aren’t a lot of puppies, it’s easier just to claim one as the owner of the mom and have my parents claim the other as the owner of the dad. So AITJ or am I justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ anything that results in happier and healthier animals is not going to be the jerk move, in my opinion.
Even if you’re experiencing a small amount of petty satisfaction at your sister not getting what she wants, the result is still the same. Wanting an entire litter just for one dog, with no plans for the rest, is selfish and irresponsible. YWBTJ if you don’t get the puppy you leave with your parents spayed.” CrazyAstronaut3283
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and wtf. I bought a puppy from a breeder because of circumstances. The contract said that the dogs had to be spayed/neutered by a certain age, and we had to let the breeder know when we did it & where.
So it wouldn’t be out of line for you to just go ahead & do that for them if you decide that somehow these irresponsible people should get any puppies. Furthermore, there’s no guarantee that a puppy would be a good herder if they aren’t a herding breed, there isn’t the level of instinct for another type of dog to do it well daily without intensive training, which doesn’t sound remotely what your sister would be willing to pay for.” Current_Many7557
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Online Friend To Stay In My Room?
“So basically my mom (F 48) has a friend(F20-40) that I’ve NEVER met before (an online friend even though she gets so mad anytime I even think about maybe getting an online friend) and she’s going to be in town for a few days and needs a place to sleep, (Note: I have to sleep on the couch) so she immediately gets MY room.
I told her, No, I don’t want someone sleeping in MY room that I haven’t even met, I also don’t want her sleeping at the house in general. And my mom just told me oh well. We’ve been in a huge fight all day and I want to know others opinions.
This is happening on Monday. I feel sick right now and I’m kind of a crybaby so I’m crying. I just don’t want her in my bed, it’s bad enough she’s staying in the house, but on MY bed and I have to sleep on the couch?
I feel like I’m being the absurd one here, but tbh I just want to know if I’m in the wrong. We’ve been fighting all day, and I just want her to not come. Just for clarification, none of us have EVER met her.
My brother (M28) doesn’t want her here either, and I feel like my mom and her friend are being selfish by insisting she sleeps on MY bed. Also, each of us has a personal bathroom, with a bathroom downstairs for everyone. My mom wants her to use MY bathroom, which has personal items in it such as feminine products, and although she is a woman too, she seems like the type to judge me for using tampons at a young age.
I have no choice in this but… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You feeling uncomfortable with all of this is very valid. You should not dismiss your feelings. A clear line was crossed by making you surrender your bed, room, and bathroom. That’s unacceptable, and your mom should feel ashamed for treating your needs as less important than those of her friend.
You have created a boundary, that you are positively not okay with her friend sleeping in your room, and your mom dismissed it outright.” Surosnao
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There are two separate issues here. First, it is extremely common for kids to be asked to give up their room for guests for a weekend or so.
If your grandmother was visiting for a couple of days, I think everyone would agree that is reasonable. As for your items, you have time to remove them from your room and your bathroom. As for the idea of having a stranger in your house, that is more disturbing.
But at the end of the day, it is your mother’s house and your mother’s judgment Not that she’s right, but the idea is that an adult is more discerning about character than a 13yo.The bottom line, you can fight about it all day, but you won’t win.
Instead, focus on what to do to protect yourself and your belongings in the (unlikely) case that they are not what they pretend to be.” 1962Michael
5. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In Church Activities Against My Will?
“For some backstory, I’ve been forced to attend this church and all of its events since I was six years old. I’ve been forced into volunteering to watch children and sing on the praise team (despite my phobia of being on stage in front of large crowds).
If I confess any kind of dislike for volunteering to my parents, I usually end up grounded after 1-2 hours of verbal mistreatment. It’s been miserable, and since I’m about to be seventeen, I’ve finally started putting my foot down on what I will attend and whether or not I will help.
My church hosts a trunk-or-treat every year, and my parents are notorious for grouping up with the pastor and his wife and going all out for their trunk. They forced me to participate every year, absolutely destroying my confidence and any form of independence I have.
Last year, they made me dress up as a hot pink candy fairy, and guess who was there? All of the teens my age from the youth group they make me attend.
That was my final straw. I told them I would not be helping them with a trunk unless it was a family project.
They promised that this year it would be a family project. It’s not. They are doing a trunk with the pastor and his wife. I reminded my mom that I would not be helping with the trunk, and she blew up. She got my dad involved and he is also angry at me.
“You can’t just go and have fun!” were her exact words. They called me lazy and selfish. Am I lazy and selfish?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not familiar with what a ‘trunk or treat’ is but at 17 you are old enough to determine if you want to go to church or do church activities for yourself.
Forcing someone to go to church rarely works out well and I’m a Christian who is very involved with my church, but no one should be forced to go. NTJ.” GirlDad2023_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just remind them of 2 Corinthians 9:7 That should be the end of it.
If you still want to participate in your way, how about cleaning up or something in the background? There are many ways to participate without dressing up and handing out candy. I have run many Trunks or Treats in my day. Between parking, crowd control, trash pic,k and such, there is always something that needs to be done.” Beautiful-Report58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s important to maintain your boundaries and prioritize youn well-being, especially when you’ve been forced into participating in events that make you uncomfortable or anxious. Your parents should respect your feelings and independence, and it’s not fair for them to push you into things that you’ve expressed a strong dislike for.
You have the right to say no to something that affects your mental and emotional health. It’s not about being lazy or selfish; it’s about self-care and setting boundaries.” latex
4. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Roommate?
“Late last year I (36m) went on a date with this guy whom I quickly realized I was not compatible with, but I was open to friendship.
He was going through a rough patch because he was an immigrant from Turkey (we live in the United States) and had injured his knee at work. He was stressing out because he was worried he’d have to go back to Turkey (his whole family was there and he didn’t have anyone here to help him) and could be separated from his dog whom he loves.
I felt bad for him because I could imagine how I’d feel in that situation. I’m also a huge animal lover so I understand the fear of having to give up a pet and not knowing if they’re going to a home that will give them the love they’re accustomed to for the rest of their days.
He was also stressed because he had whittled down his savings account while the United States dragged their feet on renewing his work visa. I figured I have a spare room in my home and since it’d only be for a few months while he recovered from knee surgery, I’d be a good person and pay forward all the great things I have in my life.
When we first moved in he was on crutches. He wasn’t making up the story about his knee. I saw the x-rays and took him to surgery. I haven’t told him this, but the several weeks post-op were pretty difficult for me. I took him to his appointment and brought him back.
It was an hour drive each way and I had to take the day off of work. His knee was in this thing which locked it in place while it healed and he had to wear it for an uncomfortable amount of time. I have an 85″ TV in my living room so we rotated my couch so he could lay on it and watch TV, play video games, etc while he recovered. I hated it because usually I like my house to be in order, and during this period it was in complete disarray but I kept telling myself, “It’ll only be for a few months and then he’ll be on his way.
Just a few months.” Also, because he had to avoid putting weight on his knee, he couldn’t shower so the smell started to get intense and hasn’t fully dissipated all these months later. I understood at that time, he couldn’t help contribute to the chores because of his recovery and I knew he couldn’t afford to help with the bills… but it was supposed to only be for a few months.
Eventually, he healed enough to begin going back to the gym and taking his dog for a walk. So finally I figured, “Oh good, since he’s not helping with the bills, maybe he can start helping with the chores.” But boy, was I wrong. He’d wash his own dishes, but if I had left a plate in the sink, he would just move it out of the way.
His dog’s hair also started fully coating the bath mats and I would ask him to clean them and he would… only when I asked. I started just throwing them to the side because I hated getting out of the shower and getting dog hair stuck to the bottom of my foot (I’m a cat person).
He’d cook and not wipe down the counters or stovetop. I’d find droplets on the floor in the kitchen, and my Roomba would wedge itself under the couch (he still spends a lot of time in the living room) and be there for DAYS.
I’d be leaving for work, starting to feel claustrophobic because the house is getting so dirty and he’d be in the living room watching TV. I’d get home and nothing would be done. Granted, some of this was my mess too, but since he was living rent-free in my home and it would only take maybe 30m out of his day, I had hoped he’d be gracious enough to help me out.
Finally, earlier this week, he sent me a picture of a note from his doctor saying he may need a revision on the surgery because there is still a tear and I lost it (politely). I explained that the electricity bill was $800 the previous month (I live in California and the state just lets PG&E charge whatever they want), his dog screeches and howls when I’m trying to sleep, and I work two jobs so I can’t keep up with the housework.
He started guilting me that he only has a little bit of money that he needs but he can try to scrape some together. Then I told him that it wasn’t about the money. It’s about the fact that he’s home all day and doesn’t do enough to keep the house clean.
He then gets indignant and claims he does clean my dishes (he’s done it a handful of times, I’ve cleaned his more often), that he’s the only one who cleans the bathroom (I legit just scrubbed the ring off the toilet and sink with a pumice stone and bleach the other day and I regularly sweep the floor/bleach the toilet bowl), and then he acted like me never wanting to hang out anymore is a talking point.
This was over text message and after that, I just stopped responding. I was at work anyway.
He moved in in December of 2023, it is almost October of 2024. He did pay for a cleaning service to come twice, but that was it. He sent $100 to me in February for gas/lunch while he was in surgery.
He cleans his own dishes and when I’ve asked him to clean he has, but never of his own accord. I’m not a neat freak, but I do like a base level of cleanliness.
HIS DOG: His dog is pretty well-natured and not super destructive as I have seen.
I haven’t seen the inside of his room since he first moved in but his dog spends a lot of time in there. It has zero obedience training or impulse control. 100% of the time when he sees me he wants to tackle me and lick me.
He doesn’t like being alone, even for a minute so when he is left alone in the room, he HOWLS and SCREAMS. It sounds like the dog is being tortured (he isn’t, he is just spoiled).
And yes, I’m aware my people-pleasing/conflict-avoiding ways are partially to blame here.
But I worry if I tell him to leave that he’ll end up having to surrender his dog and go back to Turkey. I don’t want that for him. I actually wish the best for him, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of at this point and just want my home back.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I see you’ve argued with him about bills and chores, but I don’t see where you’ve made a plan about sharing these things. YTJ because as best as I can tell, you put up with these things even though they cause you distress.
Now I do want to say, I believe he’s taking advantage of you, as a few months have turned into 9 months, tho I’m not surprised as it seems he’s been living rent-free. He either needs to find another place for a possible 2nd surgery (even if it’s Turkey) or, if you’re willing to let him stay with you, pay rent immediately.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ staying for free in California is quite a privilege. The fact that he didn’t try and really do lots of housework after you mention, the cost seems to be the kicker. Don’t feel guilty. You’ve given him 10 months that he wouldn’t have otherwise.
Let him start working on his next steps.” Having-hope3594
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel Overseas For Christmas With A Baby?
“My side of the family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, my husband’s family does. We have been together for 7 years and apart from 2 years spent every Christmas with my ILs who live overseas, 1.5 hrs on the plane.
It ends up being a whole day of traveling as we need to get trains and once we land it’s another 50min car journey. My husband and I have our first baby who will be 5 months at Christmas. I was looking forward to creating our traditions, and needless to say am hesitant to travel with a baby during RSV season, it’s not only the flight but also train rides and big family gatherings that will be crowded. My husband has laid on the guilt.
He asked me why I wanted to separate him from his family. That he wants to go see them, that it’s the only tradition they have etc etc. He thinks Christmas alone with me and the baby will be miserable, which is honestly so insulting.
For the record, I am the only one in our relationship making an effort to decorate the house each year, I love cooking and I bake cookies every year before Christmas. At my IL’s the food isn’t great tbh, they don’t bake and they don’t like cooking plus we don’t eat meat, and each year my husband and I cook our own Christmas dinner at their house.
We do play board games at theirs but otherwise, they just sit and watch TV. It’s not my idea of Christmas and I want to start fun traditions now that I have a child of my own.
Above everything I am sad, that my husband seems to view family time with his parents as more important than time with me and our LO.
He works a lot and we don’t have a lot of uninterrupted family time just the three of us, which already caused issues.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to put your foot down, or DH and his parents will expect your command performance at his parents *every year for the rest of your marriage*.
Some battles are marginal at best, even if you’re right, but this is one with a LOT of downside. Have a come-to-Jesus meeting with your husband about him supporting his wife and new family. Let him know that this is a basic expectation of young marriages and that he is failing it.
Let him know that the birth of his first child is the time for his family – you, him, and the baby – to create a new identity distinct from *his* family. Every new husband with overbearing parents has to take this developmental step. It’s his turn.
PS: Get your baby’s pediatrician on your side to tell your husband that flying under X months is unsafe for your child and their developing immune system. You can hide behind doctor’s orders if need be.” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Flying with an infant is not a fun experience, even if it’s a relatively short flight (and only one flight). Also — what about the paperwork part? Can you even get the paperwork needed (the equivalent of a passport for the baby or whatever is required) in time to travel for Christmas this year?
You have valid concerns, including the fact that taking a child less than 6 months old abroad and to large family gatherings isn’t necessarily the best (I know some people only wait 1-2 months to take the baby to big gatherings, but some people wait a bit longer, like 6mo-1 year).
Normally I wouldn’t call your husband a jerk just for wanting to go to his family’s for Xmas, but he’s being a jerk with all the guilt-tripping and acting like traveling with a baby is no biggie (trust me — it is a biggie — and it’s exhausting).” toxicredox
2. AITJ For Screaming At My Partner After He Overslept And Made Me Late For Work?
“So I met my partner after work last night and he agreed to drop me off at work the next morning (I travel for work and so does he).
I usually take the subway to get to work and it takes me 2 hours to reach and hence I leave 2 hours early. He works in the same area but he’s self-employed so there’s no time restriction. Moreover, he can drive so it takes him almost an hour to get there.
I woke him up this morning at 8:30 because he’d asked me to do so the last night. I called him, and he didn’t pick up, then called his mom, who didn’t pick up either, then called his sister who woke him up.
Then he called me back, I talked to him and he said we’ll leave in 45 mins. I called him 45 minutes later after getting ready, but he didn’t pick up. Called his mom, and she woke him up again. I was starting to panic by then because there have been times when he overslept and I had to manage everything by myself.
It was already half an hour past the time I left and I didn’t want to be late to work. I called him again after some time and he didn’t pick up. 3 calls, no answer. I got furious and left my place for the subway.
He called me mid-way and I screamed at him in frustration and now he’s mad at me for screaming at him. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, I don’t think you’re the jerk for being frustrated. You could have got the subway but planned differently based on an offer he made to you: if he offered this freely, then it would be his responsibility to ensure he was able to meet those expectations.
(If he was unsure about being able to do so, he shouldn’t have offered.) I can see that you were frustrated because you had to quickly change your plans without actually knowing if he’d be there or not. Secondly, I wouldn’t accept his offer of drop-off help again, since he seems to have a serious issue with waking up.
Just assume he can’t do it, nd is unreliable. Rely only on yourself.” ElectricBlueOwl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he said he was going to drive you and then he was lazy and stayed in bed. You ended up calling and disturbing his mum and sister to get him up.
If he is of working age, then he should be capable of setting an alarm clock without any help. He let you down and servedd to be told off but I wouldn’t be relying on him again in the future for a lift.” SmurglX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Could you have handled it without screaming? Probably. Considering the circumstances, yelling at someone in frustration is completely understandable. I’ve done similar things, and while I always apologize for losing my temper (I’ve always had a temper!), it happens and doesn’t make you a jerk.
That said, I would never again rely on your partner to get up and take you to work. If they are unable to responsibly get up to an alarm, or answer phone calls, then they aren’t someone you can count on like an adult.
He’s not angry at you for yelling at him, he’s angry because he screwed up and is projecting that embarrassment onto you to make the problem yours rather than his. Notice how the discussion is no longer about him letting you down, oversleeping, or making you late and stressed out.
You two aren’t talking about his behavior anymore, you’re talking about you losing your temper and shouting. This is how he gets out of responsibility, and you need to think about if you want to be blamed in the future for every mistake and failure – because if he isn’t learning to take responsibility now, he’s not going to do it the next time, or the next.
You can become the scapegoat pretty easily here. Consider that, before you continue to be in a relationship with him.” savinathewhite
1. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Move Out If She Won't Help With Chores?
“My partner and I have been living together for almost two years now. I own the house and she lives with me for free. When she first started staying with me she said she’d help out with the dishes and laundry and cleaning and such since she’d also be living there.
Yet, every time I ask if she’s willing to help with any of the chores she tells me she’s not feeling up to it and swears she’ll do it next time. There’s never a next time, she never does anything without me telling her or even with me telling her.
When I was living by myself I was always very tidy and organized, a clean house is a must for me. However, she has become more and more comfortable leaving messes and clothes scattered about. It feels like I’m picking up after a toddler.
She won’t even throw away her food wrappers or anything. She’s always asking me to do her favors like fill up her drink or grab her something that’s across the house. Which is fine I don’t mind helping her out but when she never gives me anything in return I feel like it’s an unfair dynamic.
I’ve tried talking to her about it and she’s quick to shut me down saying that she’ll do better, but it never ever happens. It’s like I ask you so many times and nothing changes, I feel bad bringing it up but I’m getting so sick of it.
I cook every meal, do the grocery shopping, pay for everything and hardly even get a thank you at times. It’s quite discouraging. The thing is I work 60+ hours a week as an electrician and am always exhausted, having to do everything on top of work is slowly draining me faster than I can be replenished.
I feel like the least she could do in exchange for a free place to stay is help a bit with the chores and errands, especially since she is the main contributor to the messiness! Now fast forward to yesterday I sat down with her and explained that she needs to uphold her half of the household duties otherwise she’s going to have to find another place to stay because it drives me bonkers to see a cluttered mess every time I come home and to never have a helping hand around the house.
She was furious and started arguing and yelling at me saying it’s my house so it’s my job to do all the upkeep and such. She stormed out saying she couldn’t believe that I’d say that, and went to stay with her friends.
I still haven’t heard from her and it’s been almost 24 hours now.
AITJ for telling my partner she needs to find another place to stay if she can’t uphold her household duties?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s a deadbeat who is mooching off of you.
She is living there for free and isn’t doing anything to help out. That is not a healthy dynamic and she’s 100% taking advantage of you. She can’t live there for free with no responsibilities, refusing to listen to you when you try to talk with her about this.
It’s ridiculous of her to expect that from you, or any partner. INFO: Does she even have a job? Or does she just stay home all day doing nothing?” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and in my opinion, you should end the relationship. She is childish and ungrateful.
She has some nerve about living in your house rent-free and then complaining when you ask her to do some chores. My sister owns the condo we live in and I still do chores. It’s what adults do. I am truly sorry you’ve spent this much time on a woman who doesn’t respect you or care about you.” bethholler
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