People Wonder If Their Wrongdoings Are Justified In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Making Two Wedding Dress Appointments?
“My partner’s biological mother (who I’ll call MIL) and stepmother (who I’ll call MIL2) don’t get along whatsoever. I adore them both but have a much stronger relationship with MIL2 as I was very close to my FIL before his passing two months ago.
Because I have grown to love my partner’s family very much, I wanted to bring my MIL and MIL2 wedding dress shopping with me and my other female relatives as well as my brother. I told the attendees for the shopping that I am doing two appointments, one for MIL to attend and the other for MIL2 to attend, and that I did not want them to know about this because MIL has been jealous in the past of my relationship with MIL2 and I didn’t want any drama for my partner to (primarily) deal with.
Anyway, everything went smoothly until my partner accidentally spilled the beans when talking to his mother. MIL angrily texted me that I had been deceitful, and untrustworthy and that I knew she didn’t want anything to do with MIL2. She also said she was hurt that I had invited MIL2 because she thought it was my way of bonding with her only.
I was really confused as I knew MIL and MIL2 hadn’t seen each other and tried to get an explanation from her to no avail. My partner’s family, aside from my partner, thinks I am in the wrong here because I know they do not like each other. Did I mess up? Is there something I missed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your wedding. Managing their behavior or expectations is not your responsibility. If your MIL wants to act like a petulant child, that’s on her. Misleading them wasn’t a great idea but I’m guessing it was far from your preferred way of handling it.
If I can give you some advice from a place of genuine care – you and your fiance need to get on to this now.
Politely but firmly set your expectations for their behavior and let them know that you’ll be making the decisions as a couple. It’s also crucial that you and your partner are a united front – it’ll be harder for him because the issues seem to be his side of the family, but it’s really important.” magnus_the_fish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s not the boss of you and can not forbid you to be friends with anyone, you can not let her choose who you hang out with or this will be a never-ending tantrum-filled relationship, where you have to bend to her will at all times to avoid her tantrum rage.
You were nice enough to plan two events so she didn’t have to be a grown-up and just behave for the day, so she is being completely unreasonable about it, as you only had the two events for her.
Now maybe MIL2 was the other woman in her marriage, maybe she wasn’t, maybe MIL is just annoyed that FIL replaced her, who knows, not your business anyway, but she can not dictate who you can and can not have in your life
I would be reminding your future dear husband that he gets to deal with her issues and that because you are a fully grown adult, actively adulting in this adult world, you won’t be putting up with her giving you a telling off or telling you what to do and if this is how she is going to behave she will find her welcome is limited and boundaries will be enforced.” SerenDipitY_2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you tried to trick them into attending the same event, you went to the trouble of going twice just for them!
If this is how MIL is acting over not even having to see MIL2, how is she going to act when they’re both (presumably) at the wedding?
At future kids’ birthdays?
You and your partner need to decide on clear boundaries and communicate them to her, otherwise, your lives are always going to be miserable. Make it clear that caring about MIL2 doesn’t take away from how you feel about MIL, but that you won’t put up with any tantrums and drama.” Limonatron
19. AITJ For Not Lending My Close Friend $60,000?
“My friend is moving to a new state because her husband got a new job reporting directly to the President of a mid-sized company. She and her husband found a new, huge house that costs over $1,100,000 that they both fell in love with, but because they have not been very good with their finances, they do not have the necessary down payment for their new house yet, as their current $700,000 house has not sold.
They signed an agreement with the sellers where they gave them $12,000 to hold the house that was forfeited if they didn’t close escrow by the end of last week.
They signed this because houses were selling super quick, but over the last few weeks it has slowed down, meaning no offers yet. They were able to renegotiate with the sellers so that if they give them $60,000 by the end of this week, they will continue to hold the house for them until their house closes so that the bank can loan them the money to close escrow.
She doesn’t work, and they have two boys. The oldest is graduating from college this summer and will be moving away to start his new job. The second son will be starting college in another state this fall, but is very athletic and has a full-ride scholarship.
The problem is that they have never been good with money, and he has had at least 4 different jobs over the last 3 years doing similar kinds of work but for less pay.
That means that they are tapped out for raising the $60,000 to keep this ‘dream house’. Now, this house costs way more than my house, which I still have years to go to pay off, but my Father recently passed away and left me just enough so that I could loan her and her husband the $60,000, and she knows this.
That is why she asked me to loan her and her husband that inheritance so that they could get this new house.
My problem is that I think she is going to be miserable in the new location because she is of Filipino descent and the new house is in a very rural area, and of course, because I will miss her.
But mainly I don’t really trust that her husband will keep his job long enough for them to pay me back. To me, it seems that if their bank won’t loan them the funds, and has full insight into their financial state, the risk must be unseasonably high.
I’m feeling guilty, but I feel like her asking me for this is taking advantage of me and our friendship.
This is not a life/death issue because they could get many other houses, and they clearly don’t need something this big for just the two of them.
AITJ for not loaning her the funds?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your friend is for asking for the funds that your father who recently passed away left to you.
Their finances are their issue as a married couple and if they can’t get a bank to loan them funds even though they currently own a house they are trying to sell, I’d think I’d be hesitant to loan out funds that I’d have a harder time than the bank getting back without a lawsuit that will ruin your friendship anyway.
Doesn’t matter at all whether or not you think she will like the place, she’s an adult. But as an adult, she and her husband can happily rent an apartment or house within their budget until THEIR house sells and they have the funds to put down on whatever house they choose. If you give them that money and get burned you only have yourself to blame as the red flags are apparent here.” Low_Blood948
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT LEND THEM THAT MONEY. I’m sorry but this is peak poor financial decision on their part. It just proves everything that you have said in your post about them not being smart with their finances. Who buys a million-dollar home without actually making sure they have the money?
It’s really a terrible, poor decision. If they can’t fork out that $60,000, how will they afford the rest of the payment for the house?
If you lend them the funds, you will never see that money again and your friendship will be ruined. If you don’t lend her the funds and she doesn’t want to be friends with you, then she was never a friend.
Unless it’s a life-and-death situation or just an unforeseeable event that happened that threatens the family, you absolutely do not have to lend her anything. Heck, I wouldn’t even lend her $10,000.” PiscesReader
18. AITJ For Trying To Make My Husband Understand My Cancer?
“Ever since I (female, 31) got diagnosed with cancer (breast cancer) months ago, my husband had to come home from his business stay that lasted for nearly 8 months.
He canceled his contract with the company and got replaced. He drives me to the hospital and takes care of my medication and I’m so grateful for that. but he developed this habit of blaming my condition for every little thing. He’d make comments like ‘Because of YOUR cancer now I had to drive in the middle of the night to look for medicine’ and ‘because of YOUR cancer I had to pull XYZ from my bank account to cover the bills’ and ‘because of YOUR cancer I haven’t seen my family in a while.’ Or he’d say ‘if it wasn’t for YOUR cancer I’d still have my contract’ and ‘if it wasn’t for YOUR cancer we’d had to beg my dad for help’ basically blaming me for my condition.
I grew tired of it but I couldn’t say anything thinking he was saying those things out of frustration. But it’s become too much and it has worn me down.
The final straw was days ago. He was reheating dinner for himself (he hates to eat anything frozen) and put it on the table and started eating with disgust all over his face.
I was grabbing a glass of water so I entered the kitchen where he was staying. He saw me and then loudly said, ‘Who would have ever thought I’d settle for a frozen meal, Because of YOUR cancer now my health is declining because all I eat is frozen junk since you can’t even cook!’ I snapped.
I yelled at him saying that my cancer isn’t a CHOICE, and that I’m not happy with the situation I’m in and that his constant remarks about my condition have gone too far and needed to be stopped. He got mad and argued saying that he’s in this too and he’s as much affected as I am and that I’m being incredibly unfair by yelling at him for just venting and letting his frustration out so he wouldn’t have to bottle it up and then explode and leave everything.
He threw his fork and then walked out. I sat down and cried a bit. I felt bad for how I yelled at him but I was getting fed up with having to listen to him say all those things day and night on top of everything else I’m dealing with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am so sorry you are going through all this right now. You can’t just choose to have cancer, it unfortunately just happens. Your husband is treating you like a burden, which you ARE NOT! When you two got married, the vows stated that you would love each other ‘through sickness and in health’, and he is clearly not upholding his promise to you.
I understand that it can be overwhelming to go from being a husband to being a husband and caregiver, but it can be done. When my dad had cancer a few years ago, my mom stepped up and became his caregiver. It was very hard on her, but she sought help from family and friends and we were all able to get through it together.
Your husband should do the same. There’s no shame for him to admit that he needs help and support to learn how to deal with his emotions and how to take care of you better.
I am sending prayers and good thoughts to you. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you. Stay strong, you got this!” legallyasif
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would almost understand if he was just complaining about cancer in general. But he sounds like you went out and bought a Great Dane and it dumped all over his life. I was diagnosed in August and had many doctor’s appointments, a lumpectomy, and 4 weeks of radiation. About 7 months total. I’m in my follow-ups now.
At one point, I asked my partner if he was ok. He’s like, what? I’m not sick. I said, well, your partner has cancer, are you ok? He laughed and said, no, he was terrified but he knew I was going to be ok. That’s the right answer.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Not all cases are the same, and if you’re dealing with chemo and/or mastectomy I don’t know exactly what you’re going through. But I know it’s no fun to be the sick one and need help, especially when you’re used to being the one who helps and questioning your body and ability and exhaustion.
Yes, his life was flipped over, but… Honestly, if you can and have other support, and delivery services in your area, let him leave. That comment about frozen food making his health decline to a current cancer patient WHO IS HIS WIFE makes me want to chuck a frozen pizza at his head.
Stress affects treatment progress.
And no, he shouldn’t treat you like a sick person who can’t handle real conversations, but this is ridiculous. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this at such a young age, and everything else. It’s good that you’re grateful for his help with your care, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate blame.
It is hard to be the caretaker, and he’s young, too. But if you need a break, take one. So much love and strength to you.” Brilliant_Rock_5230
Another User Comments:
“First of all NTJ.
Here’s my read on the situation. Your husband knows that in order to feel like a good person, he needs to do various things like cancel his contract, go out to pick up medicine when he’s not feeling up to it, and spend time caring for you instead of relaxing with his family, etc because you have cancer.
However, he doesn’t want to do those things and resents that he feels like he has to. This tension only gets resolved by him accepting that he isn’t actually able to be that good person and not doing those things anymore. Whether that’s because you and he hire people to do the small tasks or because you and he split up, he does not have the capacity to be a caretaker.
If you are thinking ‘Great, I can stay with him and hire people to take care of the small tasks he resents, that sounds like a solution,’ please please please consider what else he is doing to make your life better right now. Our partners should build us up, we should be able to support each other, and we should never feel like a partner is a child who is incapable of taking care of themselves even when in the best of health.
If he isn’t making your life better other than in ways that he clearly resents (and therefore will not be able to keep up with in the long term), then he is not a worthy partner for you and you need to let him go for your own sake.” soniabegonia
17. AITJ For Calling Parking Enforcement On My Neighbors?
“My neighbors down the street live on over an acre of property with a large driveway and garage and have 4 cars that total to about $450,000. Finances and space are not an issue. We live on a tight cul de sac and they leave their cars on the street for days, sometimes a week on end.
They’ve had $125,000 cars with no plates towed here in the middle of the night and left one in front of my house for a week. (Police finally ticketed that one for abandonment with the threat of towing.) They’ve double-parked their cars on the street (side by side) for hours during the day. Other neighbors can’t put their trash out, and some days I can barely get out of my driveway in my Prius let alone get our trailer out.
They’ve had a mobile car wash do their cars in front of my house covering our plants with soap, etc.
They have even sat IN their car while the trash truck honks at them to move cause they’re so far into the street he can’t make the turn. She refused to move her car and the trash guy had to do like a 9-point turn almost hitting a mailbox.
All the while their driveway sits empty down the street. They’re not friendly at all, they actually scare me a little so I’m afraid to discuss it with them, and my other neighbors already tried. It’s all petty crap so I’ve just put up with it. But my neighbors are also sick of it so, after 2 years, I called parking enforcement.
They will be getting tickets tonight as it’s illegal to leave your cars on the street overnight.
Update: They must have gotten tickets because they have had their cars in the driveway for the last 24 hrs. I cannot remember a day when that happened. Thank you all for your support. I didn’t want to be a jerk, but this morning was so nice being able to just back out of my driveway.
I can even get my truck and trailer out when I need to!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If what they are doing is against the rules, it is against the rules and should be dealt with appropriately, it is as simple as that.
Flip the question around – rather than asking yourself if you would be a jerk for reporting them, ask yourself if you would be being a jerk towards yourself and your neighbors for knowingly accepting poor (and potentially illegal) behavior.
If they had been polite and otherwise good neighbors, I could see perhaps overlooking some infractions rather than causing tension with those living nearby, but given they have only caused issues so far, they hardly deserve that.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“Pretty sure your neighbors are doing illegal stuff. Something about this situation just screams crime family to me.
They left a $125k car without plates… in the street for weeks? I mean, I live in an area with a lot of wealthy folks who have pricy car collections and they treat these vehicles better than actual humans. Anyone who cares so little about something so expensive seems to have other concerns or issues.
Maybe I’m wrong but be careful. NTJ but watch your back.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Considering the value of those cars and the lack of plates, I’d also be dropping hints to your local neighborhood car thieves that they’ve got some easy pickings there. Just roll up with a tow truck and remove anything with no plates.
The owners would be hard-pressed to track them if the cars aren’t registered.” TopBluejay8238
16. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Get A Failing Grade?
“My daughter is in the 11th grade.
She’s typically a good student and gets pretty good grades. She’s been on the honor roll since middle school. But she has a natural intelligence (I don’t know how else to describe it) where she doesn’t really put effort into studying and she still does pretty well. I tried to get her into other activities or classes that would challenge her, but she never wanted to join any of them.
This school year, she’s been complaining about a particular teacher, Ms. Rose (not her actual name), her English teacher. Honestly, I didn’t think much about her complaints until she showed me a 5-page essay that Ms. Rose had given her a 0 on (this essay also had a big impact on her grade and my daughter was scared she was going to fail the class).
I thought that a 0 on 5 pages of effort was a little much and maybe there was a misunderstanding about the assignment. I encouraged my daughter to speak with her teacher about it but my daughter said she already tried, and that Ms. Rose refused to help her. My daughter was convinced that Ms. Rose was out to get her.
So I emailed the teacher and asked for clarification about the situation. Ms. Rose insisted that I meet with her about it. So I went to the meeting just 2 days later. The vice principal was also sitting in on the meeting. So it was me, my daughter, the teacher, and the vice principal.
Ms. Rose explained how my daughter had plagiarized her essay.
Instead of failing her the first time, Ms. Rose told her to redo the essay. Apparently, instead of redoing the essay, my daughter rewrote only the introduction. The rest of the essay was still plagiarized.
The vice principal suggested that Ms. Rose allow my daughter to rewrite the essay again. Maybe my daughter didn’t understand that plagiarizing was bad or something and she deserved another chance.
I was appalled. I know my daughter. She knew exactly what she was doing. So I refused. I told them to let my daughter take the fail.
The vice principal seemed surprised. She insisted that I shouldn’t let my daughter fail. But when I wouldn’t budge, he asked Ms. Rose if my daughter could still pass the class.
There’s one more big assignment and a chance at extra credit which could bump my daughter’s overall grade to a C.
So we came to the agreement that my daughter will not be redoing the essay and that she can work towards the C.
My daughter is extremely unhappy. She keeps saying that I ruined her GPA and that she’ll never get into university now.
She’s not doing any of her assignments for any of her classes now. At this rate, she’ll probably have to retake the whole semester and graduate late. I don’t understand the drastic change. Was I too hard on her?
I ran into the vice principal recently at the store and he even commented that I was the only parent to let my child fail.
Am I the jerk for letting my daughter fail?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, I don’t think your daughter has a ‘natural intelligence’ if she was dumb enough to plagiarize TWICE on the same essay with the same teacher. I would take a guess that your daughter has been dishonest for quite a while to get that bold at it, but of course, that is just my speculation.
You are not the jerk for letting her face the consequences of her actions, because universities are getting very good at automating plagiarism detection and she would not get very far with this nonsense. Learning to challenge herself and put in a decent effort is much more important than a GPA in the long run because even if she got into a good university, your daughter wouldn’t get very far with her attitude and lack of work ethic.” DigDugDogDun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for various reasons.
If you’re naturally intelligent, it is really important that you fail at least once in a while or you don’t have the emotional resilience needed to rebound when you inevitably do fail. (Don’t ask me how I know.)
Plagiarism is something that can get you expelled from uni or fired from work.
I’m actually surprised that your daughter’s HS didn’t actually expel her for her plagiarism, to be honest. You need to have absolutely no tolerance for plagiarism because a lot of people in power won’t have tolerance for it.
Your daughter is a spoiled little brat by refusing to do her homework for other classes, but you absolutely need to stand your ground here.
You’re not ruining her GPA – she is, by plagiarizing in the first place and now by acting like a spoiled brat.” worlds_of_smoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter thought she could fool the teacher. When she gets caught and was given a second chance to do right, she tried to fool them again.
When that didn’t work she tried to get mommy to fix it by claiming the teacher was being mean. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done this before but was allowed to slide by because no one wanted to fail a student. Sit down with your daughter. Tell her that refusing to do any schoolwork hurts her more than it hurts you.
You’ve already been through school. You’ve already graduated on time and with your friends. Point out that one ‘C’ will not doom her university prospects (unless you live in a really competitive system). Point out that she’s very lucky not to be suspended or expelled for being dishonest.” Flat_Contribution707
15. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Cousins?
“My uncle and his wife have two kids, P (10F) and G (4M). In 2020, their babysitter suddenly quit and left them with pretty much no way to get a replacement because of everything that was going on. The problem was not how to get a nanny per se but even if they did get one, there was no way for them to get to his house.
The rules were quite strict. Although their workplace is quite close to home, they couldn’t just leave halfway to take care of the kids. In a moment of desperation, they asked me to help. I lived within walking distance where the restrictions weren’t a problem and I wasn’t going to school so I said yes.
They would leave for work very early so I stayed at their house and once they were back, I would go back to my house to check on things, you know, to make sure it’s all right, then come back, then repeat. I must admit, it was very inconvenient. You can’t get anything done with kids around.
I did all the house chores and no, I wasn’t being paid to do them. I work from home alongside school and it was hectic while dealing with two kids and an extra house to take care of. But I did it anyway because my aunt was super sweet.
But when the restrictions ended, that’s when I saw her true colors.
She started treating me like crap. She even made up lies about me despising her to make my uncle dislike me (I’m his favorite niece). I don’t know what her deal is with me anyway. He doesn’t favor me over his kids or anything. I didn’t want drama so I just went quiet and don’t visit them anymore.
My uncle is upset that his wife treated me this way but I don’t feel comfortable in his house anymore.
So recently, they are invited to a wedding, and last minute, the nanny they arranged to sit the kids this time bailed out last minute. The wedding is on Saturday, too late to get someone else.
So they called me hoping I could take the kids for three hours or go over to stay with them and that the mum would leave early to come back to them. I said no with a million excuses but when they kept pushing, I told them the truth that I would never do anything for them after how my aunt treated me.
My aunt went on a rant asking what I mean and I detailed it. The lies she told, the way she would nitpick at everything I did towards the end of our arrangement, including redoing chores I know I did well, etc. And she was floored. I also added, ‘Makes one wonder why your babysitters keep quitting’.
Now that’s the statement I think makes me a huge jerk. That, and the flood of comments I’m getting from relatives telling me I should stop being petty by bringing stuff that happened years ago as an excuse for being a witch that just doesn’t want to help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though I wonder if it wouldn’t have been better to confront her a long time ago.
As you said, all her babysitters keep quitting. I’m sure she’s seen them all as jerks for one reason or another.
‘If you run into a jerk in the morning, you ran into a jerk. If you run into jerks all day, you’re the jerk’ really comes to mind here.
The problem is that nobody wanted to be impolite or confront your aunt.
It was too much trouble. Well, maybe it’s time she faces her actions. She might not stop so easily, but if she can see it has cost her something, that might do something. Don’t apologize, and don’t reward bad behavior just because she’s ‘been taken to task’ now.” Godaistudios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t know how you think you’d be the jerk in this situation, your aunt is horrible, and your uncle seems to be somewhat aware, he needs to grow a pair and stand up for you, she wasn’t just being mean, she was trying to ruin your relationship with another family member.
Also, it doesn’t matter if you’re free, your time is YOUR time and no one else’s. Also, you brought up a good point with the babysitter thing, your family needs to get over it because, again, not obligated to help.
Also, it doesn’t matter if it happened years ago. That thing hurts, she tried to hurt you, she never apologized, your uncle never apologized or stood up for you.” Silver_Kitty_Kat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe them any favors and aunt—rather than apologizing—doubled down on her prior bad behavior. And it appears that she still hasn’t learned anything because she sicced other members of the family on you rather than modified the way she treats you.” He_Who_Is_Right_
14. AITJ For Giving My Friend With Vegan Parents Meat?
“I (13m) was at school eating lunch with my friend (13m). My friend’s parents are vegan and raised him as such since he was born, but what they don’t know is, since about 4th grade or so, my friends and I have shared our meals with him, often having meat.
We never hid this from him, he wanted to eat the meat. Yesterday at lunch, I had beef ravioli in a thermos my mother packed me. I shared some with my friend after he asked for some, what I didn’t know is my sister was recording me.
For various reasons, I and my twin sister (13f) do not get along great, and our relationship has worsened a lot this year.
My sister was recording this knowing that I and my friends had been sharing meals for many years behind his parents’ backs, she recorded it and sent it to his parents (she got the number by snooping through my mother’s phone).
His parents were incredibly upset at me and my friends when they found out what was happening, and his mom called me and my friends jerks, and my mother and father were upset at me for ‘disobeying another parents’ rules.’ My friend is 13, not 3.
I respect vegans, they can eat however they want in my opinion, but I don’t support making your 13 y/o son be vegan.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at 13 he should have a choice in what he eats. By the age of 13 I would have hoped his parents would inform him of any food allergies, or medical issues surrounding food, At 13 they should not have that much control over what he eats.
They can say at home you have to eat vegan that’s what we’re cooking but outside of the home, you can eat what you want. The parents’ behavior is too controlling as they are pushing their beliefs and choices onto him. As he has been clearly eating meat in secret for a long time.” Pineapple_Wagon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yet you sort of are. This other child may have religious restrictions in their culture. Some of those restrictions can carry a heavy fine. For many Mormons that is caffeine and many more non-dietary restrictions. Jehovah’s witnesses have restrictions that can get them shunned by their family and friends. I recommend you read the book ‘Bridge to Terabithia’, not the same as it is a look from the believer’s side, but does condense the message well.
That being said, in high school a similar thing went on between a friend and me. I would bring these awesome roast beef sandwiches to school and if there were enough leftovers my mom always packed an extra for this friend. Come to find out later his family was vegan for religious reasons. As an unbeliever I have done nothing wrong, it is food and would have been wasted otherwise.
Socially I could have been seriously hurting his bond with his family and their faith. Thus he could have been hurt by those actions and we see it could in fact be hurtful to him.” MortReed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this is true.
He (your friend) is aware of what’s in the meal. He has known and has wanted to eat meat for a long time.
It’s not like you’re forcing him to eat meat, nor tricking him into it. Re: the disobeying parent’s rules, if it wasn’t with you, it would be something/someone else.
Veganism is a commitment that requires convictions. The argument for veganism wasn’t strong enough to convince your friend… what would they have done when he turns 18, moves out, and changes to be a full omnivore?
Get upset with ____?
While you’re not adults, you both are old enough to recognize what you’re doing and make a decision regarding food.
Your twin is the jerk as well as your friend’s parents. Obviously, their son does not want to be vegan.
Your twin in particular needs to learn about respecting boundaries, intent, and consequences.
Again, you’re all young teens but they went out of their way to get you and your friend in trouble.” Jonstoppable
13. AITJ For Not Liking My Fiance's Idea Of A Bachelor Party?
“My (28f) fiance (26m) and I are completely at odds right now. We met when I was 21 and he was 19. I was his first, but he wasn’t mine. Lately, he is extremely resentful of this and feels like I got to experience sleeping with someone else and he hasn’t.
There really isn’t much I can do about that, because I’m not about to give him the green light to be unfaithful, for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t have had a problem if he slept with other people before we were together, but he didn’t and I don’t feel like I’m at fault for that.
I think he’s finally beginning to understand that and come to terms with that at least.
However, two years into our relationship his sister got married. I had only met her one time in person and flew across the country with him to go to her wedding. I went to her bachelorette party, which I didn’t really want to go to (not really my thing) but SO wanted to go to the bachelor party, so I just went along because I didn’t want to cause her to have a bad time.
During this bachelorette party, the women and men split up and went on basically a bar crawl. Some of the other girls wanted to go into this rinky-dink small male strip club but I didn’t want to go.
Every single girl at the party refused to let me stay outside however because the city was too ‘dangerous’ for a woman to be out alone and basically dragged me inside despite my protests, saying that I would be ruining the bride’s night.
We were there for probably 15 mins because again it was rinky-dink and not even the other girls really enjoyed it. Some of the guys at the bachelor party went to a club as well, but a few were underage and couldn’t get in, so most didn’t go including my SO from what he says.
This leads us to today. He brought up strip clubs at his bachelor party and I said I really didn’t want that because I don’t like the idea of some girl rubbing herself all over him, and what’s the point of it anyway? He basically said I’m a hypocrite because I’ve had all these experiences and he hasn’t.
I said I understand that but I didn’t even want the club experience and was only put in that because he wanted us to go to the bachelorette and bachelor parties.
After giving it some thought, I said I understand wanting to have some experiences, but would he mind if we went together to a club?
His argument is that he didn’t go with me when I went and my argument is that I hadn’t even wanted to go and literally spent 15 mins there, tops. He also has an issue that I’ve been to bars before (only with my mom, his mom, and his sister a few times) and he hasn’t but no one ever stopped him from going that just wasn’t his scene and now all of a sudden he has resentment for this as well and doesn’t want to go with me to these places because ‘I didn’t go with him.’ He says I have one set of standards for him and another for myself, but my issue is he is trying to exclude me and I’ve never excluded him, he has excluded himself.
So AITJ?
Additional info: he actually says that it’s not even about the dancers per se and if he had wanted to he had ample opportunity to go to clubs (which is true and I wouldn’t have even known about it) but about me saying things are okay for me and not for him.
It’s not that I thought it was okay when I did it, I just really didn’t have any other options.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You aren’t actually being hypocritical, since you never wanted to visit a club and have even offered to go to one with him if he so desperately needs the experience.
He’s trying to use that excuse to guilt you.
Additionally, many, many people do not have dancers at their bachelor/bachelorette parties. Being uncomfortable with that is a normal boundary and one that is okay for you to have. Yes, a lot of people are also fine with their SO doing this – but do not let him convince you that your feelings here are abnormal.
All that being said – you may want to think long and hard about whether the two of you should actually be getting married. He seems to be overtly showing you that he wants to have naughty experiences with other people and if you two get married while he still feels this way, it could go very poorly for you both.” Isolated_Aura
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He missed out. And he’s blaming you.
Ya know, there is something to the phrase ‘sowing his wild oats’. The point is, you absolutely definitely want to be with a man, who is done – sowing his wild oats.
Luckily, he’s letting you know this BEFORE you’re married. And actually voicing his frustration with you about trying to do ‘something’, to mitigate the situation.
Short of sleeping with some other girl.
Part of the problem of being a man. The blunt version: We always want more ladies. But we don’t wanna lose the lady we have. The honorable thing to do is break up with you – And go get more ladies. To his credit and ignorance, he’s dumb enough, to actually have this conversation with you.
Trying to work with you to come up with a ‘solution’ to his problem, while simultaneously blaming you, for his lack of experience.
There’s only one solution. YOU need to break up with him. He will NOT do the honorable thing ie break up with you and go get more ladies. He doesn’t know how to do that.
Look, he’s doing what I said above. He’s trying to keep the lady he has, while simultaneously trying to get more ladies. But asking your permission to do it.” Capital-Western8687
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t know if marrying him is the right choice for you.
It’s ok that he has doubts/curiosity/fear of missing out about umm, partying?
The bachelor life? But he needs to understand that when he’s in a long-term relationship those sorts of things need agreement from both sides.
For some couples, a more flexible arrangement works, for some it doesn’t. He basically wants a more flexible set of expectations, you aren’t comfortable with that. And tbh he’s reacting rather childishly to the entire situation.
If he is immature and not ready for a long-term commitment, there’s not much you can personally do to change that. But I would advise you to reconsider as both of you are clearly seeing your relationship very differently. You are looking to settle down with more traditional boundaries, he’s looking to party. That’s ok on both ends, and it’s ok to compromise, but it’s not ok to disregard the other person’s expected standards in a relationship.” VeryAmaze
12. AITJ For Giving My Partner's Sister A Ticket To My Graduation?
“I (21f) am set to graduate college next month. This is a huge deal for me as I’m the first in my family to earn a bachelor’s degree and it was such a difficult journey for me so it is really important for my family to be there to celebrate. My university gives 7 tickets per graduate.
I’ve been going out with my partner since high school. He has supported me this whole time so obviously, I want him to be there. Problem is – my dad refuses to talk to him and he gets super mean every time I bring him up. He is very traditional and he basically does not acknowledge him because we aren’t engaged or married. My dad’s insanity aside – my partner can’t exactly stay with my family during the ceremony because my dad will throw a fit and basically ruin the whole day for me.
Despite his attitude, I want him there because in other regards he has supported me and he’s so proud to see his daughter walk across the stage.
Since he can’t be with my family and I didn’t want him in the stands alone, I offered his sister (20f) a ticket. She is also my good friend so I’m happy for her to come.
I later found out one of his cousins is graduating as well so now they will both be sitting with her family.
The other 5 tickets are going to be used for my dad, mom, brother, older sister (31f), and younger sister. Here is where the real problem is – my older sister has 2 kids (2m & 12m).
The baby shouldn’t be a problem to come in without a ticket but when I told her the 12-year-old can’t come because I don’t have enough tickets she got really offended. She started telling me my partner’s sister isn’t my family and I didn’t need to invite her. She even said my partner’s sister has no potential so how would she benefit from seeing the ceremony?
I told her I already asked his sister to come and she even requested the day off from work so I’m not going to uninvite her. I could tell she wasn’t happy with that answer but I think she is just being rude for even saying those things. We also have two half-sisters (32&34) who can’t attend the ceremony since I invited my partner and his sister but they had no issue with it since they know I have only a few tickets.
I might be the jerk because I’m really close with my nephew so I do feel bad he can’t be there. I might be hurting his feelings by making him feel left out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was them they would invite their partners. Your nephew’s only 12 it’s not a big deal. This is your partner of so many years I think it’s a little bit more important to have your partner there.
Honestly, if you didn’t invite your partner I would have chosen my half-sisters over my nephew because of his age. Your sister just needs to get over it. If you feel bad about your nephew take a day off and spend with him just giving your time. Maybe your sister will calm down and you could actually talk to her a little bit more and hopefully, she will understand better.” Playful-Peach-1522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Just tell her neither child is invited due to it being a long boring ceremony for them. I can’t imagine a 2-year-old will be able to sit still the whole time. And while the 12-year-old could probably entertain themselves with a phone or tablet during the boring parts I’m sure he’ll end up trying to help corral his brother which I can’t imagine would be fun for him.
Is their dad in the picture? Maybe a daddy & sons day would be more fun for them. If dad is not around talk to your half-siblings and maybe they can take the boys on a fun excursion instead. Maybe even offer to pay for a day at the zoo or something.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It’s your graduation so you should be able to have there who you want to. Agreed with other comments that even for adults graduations are boring so I think a 12-year-old would certainly be fine to hang out with you and celebrate another time. If you really wanted to, you could ask around and see if anyone has extra tickets to give away that you could use, but I don’t think this is necessary for the reasons above.
Also, huge congrats to you on graduating! Hoping this family drama doesn’t get in the way of an amazing accomplishment. This is your day so I hope you spend it happy and celebrating, you deserve it!” lauramichellewoods
11. AITJ For Questioning My Parents' Financial Motives?
“I’m a 24yo female who lives with my parents (since it’s financially easier for me that way cuz I still have quite the student loans to pay for) alongside 3 younger sisters.
I have a pretty stable job with an okay pay and I help out with some monthly bills in the household.
I don’t spend that much for myself or for others unless they directly come to me to ask for money. I don’t think I’m super stingy but my parents have complained about how I don’t take the initiative to help them or my other relatives out financially or that I’m ‘too calculating’ since I constantly ask what they need the funds for when they ask for it.
I never really say no to their requests although I will admit that I hesitate sometimes because I have a lot to think about financially and it could get overwhelming but I have yet to say no. There are also times they’ll retract their request for funds and I do very little to argue.
Today, my mom complained again about how ‘calculating’ I am and how I don’t seem to want to give to them and I just got so frustrated cuz I don’t feel that way at all.
I don’t know, I just feel like I’m being stepped on and it’s so hard to get up. I feel like a horrible person for wanting to question things and it just makes me exhausted.
Everything that I do wrong just keeps pushing me down until it’s impossible for me to get back up and I’m so tired of fighting.”
Another User Comments:
“Next time they accuse you of being ‘calculating’ ask them for specifics. From your description, it sounds like you pay for plenty of stuff (and student loans?), so what’s the problem? Are they hard up for money? Do they resent you still being at home?
NTJ for asking where the money was going.
Most people don’t have to ask cause most people will just TELL you when they ask.” SauvignonBear
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know what country you come from, and I think it makes a difference. You are NTJ. You are starting out in life, earning money, and you are being asked to give it to others instead of planning and making your own way.
You are not obliged to take insults on how you use your own funds. You don’t have to give anything if you are prioritizing something else – it’s not a community bank account, it’s yours. I hope you would soon be able to move out on your own, even to a very small place, so that you can control your own finances.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I do the exact same thing. My parents and I agreed on a sum for rent and bills, anything additional I can say yes or no to or is a loan and I’ll be repaid.
I like to treat my family to dinner now and again, but I’m also trying to save for a house so I don’t have to live here forever.
You’re not being unreasonable.” SleepDangerous1074
10. AITJ For Being Honest With My Aunt About My Thoughts On Our Trip?
“I (15F) have separation anxiety and the thought of missing school and missing working terrifies me. My aunt had made a family ‘vacation’ to Montana and the goal was to leave for Montana on Friday and get back late Monday meaning I’d have to miss two important school days.
Not only that but I’d be separated from my friends and have to be stuck in a car with my family for who knows how many hours.
When I first heard of the trip it sounded like absolute misery and I really didn’t wanna go. During the trip, I had multiple random panic attacks in the car and at hotels where my family told me to simply ‘******* up’ because most kids would be really enjoying this.
I felt so alone and like I hated everything the entire trip. After my aunt asked me how I thought the trip went and I was honest with her, I told her that the whole trip was like a big anxiety attack for me and that I didn’t really see the point of driving to Montana just to come back.
I said it all wasn’t worth it and I’d rather have just stayed home and not missed any school. My sister, mother, and aunt are all calling me a jerk for making everything about me and saying that I should just be grateful we get to go on vacations. Maybe I should’ve just lied. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m struggling with this one. I don’t think you’re the jerk but it also sounds like you made up your mind before the trip had even started and that’s what you ran with. You could’ve allowed yourself to have fun but you didn’t want to. It does sound a little self-serving.
What I’ve learned as I’ve grown is that things will only be as fun as you make them.
Which is a lot easier for me now because of how much I’ve had to go through.
It’s not up to anyone else to make sure we are comfortable and engaged, that’s on you to make your situation work. We’re not owed anything.
Hope you’re feeling better soon.” Alive-Armadillo-126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being honest, but the jerk for your delivery.
When someone does you a favor that doesn’t feel like a favor to you, acknowledge the favor first.
‘Thank you for organizing the trip. I liked (insert what you hated least). I find trips really hard though, and I get super stressed about missing school. I need some help.”
Then ask your parents for help with your anxiety.” Majestic_Practice672
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can see how someone would call you a jerk for calling their holiday plans terrible, but they need to be able to accept that not everyone wants to/is able to do what they plan on doing. I would say that there are no jerks here, but telling you to******* up whilst you are having a panic attack is a bit far.” xX_Username1_Xx
9. AITJ For Not Being Too Supportive Of My Brother?
“My brother has never been the scholarly type, he dropped out of high school after 2 repeat attempts of senior (he’s not dumb, not bad grades, he just skipped a lot) and got a GED only because my parents begged him.
A few years after he dropped out he attempted to get back into community college but it just wasn’t working out for him, I was in high school helping him with his math homework to get him by but ultimately wasn’t working out because he was failing the tests.
School just wasn’t a priority for him. No big deal.
Now he’s really hit the ground running and I’m so happy for him. But I don’t think he’s being very realistic.
I spent about 7 years in college, not my finest moment but I needed to make my own way through it.
I went to the same community college my brother is currently going to, it’s basically the 13th grade and the admin is not the most informative or reliable. I wasted time transferring to another college incorrectly because I trusted them and all their information was out of date, this only caused more confusion because the school I transferred basically said everything looked ok but it wasn’t.
Where I think I’ve been the jerk is, that I’ve been trying to give my brother advice, there’s a good transfer scholarship at his school that I got, all you have to do is pay to join phi theta whatever and you get 10k a year. He completely ignored me all the times I brought it up and missed the deadline.
Please make sure you check with the dean of your new school that all your classes are good and talk to the chair about any transfer tests, all ignored.
He was originally going for a business degree so he could move up in the company he currently works for but then opted for a different degree he literally knows nothing about or understands just because it’s fully online and he does not want to actually go to class.
It’s a tech degree, and both my husband and I are in tech, so he asks us all sorts of questions that are way below base knowledge, he also took a programming class as a taste before he transfers and hates it. He also thinks he’s going to make a ton of money at it, and I’ve tried my best to be super realistic about it.
College degrees just aren’t the golden ticket to high-paying jobs anymore, and his major has great potential, after he roughs it a bit while he gets experience, and gets all his certs. Also, in the city that we live in, the jobs just aren’t there, just a lot of low-paying start-ups, but he has a family and doesn’t want to/can’t move, so that really restricts him.
I’ve told him to take more time to rethink his decision because it sounds like he’s not going to love it, and he’ll hate it, even more, when he takes a pay cut to build experience since this is brand new to him, but he feels as though he just knows best and that I’m wrong and he’s going to make 100k right out of school.
AITJ for trying to be realistic with my brother or should I just shut up and support him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once you’ve given him your analysis there’s not much more you can do. Wish him the best of luck but make it clear this is his project from now on.
It might be worth telling him you won’t be his private tech consultant.
It sounds like he’s setting himself up for a fall, so be clear that you want no part in it. If he wants to take those courses – fine. He may even surprise you. But you’re not obligated to help him drive off a cliff. If he can’t pass without your free tuition he’ll never be competent in that field.” peterhala
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve been straightforward with him. You’ve given him the info he needs. Now it’s up to him to do what he’s going to do with that information.
You’ll turn into a jerk if you keep being realistic to the point of badgering/berating him. But being open and honest once or twice is good.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but I also wanted to point out that many companies are fully remote now, so regardless of where he lives and currently works, there are many companies that will pay him to work remotely for them, regardless of location.
However, if he’s forcing himself into a field he’s not even interested in, that’s not going to make him happy, so I get where you’re coming from there.” sunshinegirl252
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Commenting On My Appearance?
“I (F15) wasn’t always insecure about my looks, but growing up I was always made fun of for my nose, due to my southeast Asian heritage, my nose was pretty bulbous.
My (F41) mom’s nickname for me was ’round tomato’ because my nose was round like one, and growing up — me getting surgery for it was always a discussion and suggestion, but because I was too young to get plastic surgery, it was put to rest.
As a result, my nose became an insecurity of mine at 10, but not to the point that I’d want surgery.
Anyways, jump cut to late 2020. Long story short, a 14-year-old me broke my nose because I fell flat on my face while (trying) to hold a plank. If I wasn’t insecure, then I definitely was now, because my nose was now drastically misaligned, and I also couldn’t breathe out of one nostril.
Another jump cut to early 2021 and 3 months before my 15th birthday.
We were getting ready for my nose surgery to fix my breathing, and my mom lightly suggested I also get it aesthetically fixed too. I said sure because it was drastically misaligned, but my mom also wanted to change the entire nose’s shape. She never forced me of course and told me it was up to me.
After lots of thinking and sulking about my appearance, I approached my mom and asked to get it aesthetically done too. She was very supportive and excited.
So I got it done. The surgery fixed the misalignment and breathing issues (yay) but of course, surgery cannot fix insecurity, and I only gained more insecurity on my nose, as I was swollen and didn’t look myself.
Plus judgment from peers is scary.
Fast forward to this year, 2022. My mom has posted a lot of pictures of me on her social media. She said I was getting a lot of compliments on my appearance, saying how I ‘bloomed like the prettiest flower’ when I was ‘previously a small sapling’ and how my appearance drastically improved from before.
For some reason, I don’t know why – I didn’t like how my mom was insinuating that my looks pre-surgery needed improvement, so I asked her if she’d stop saying that, and if she would maybe tone it down with pictures of my face.
Now, this is where I think I’m the jerk.
She got visibly very confused and slightly irritated, saying that if I didn’t like people to see me, then what was the point of getting surgery and spending some funds on it? Then she said that saying that my appearance improved wasn’t wrong, and she asked me if I wanted to see my old pictures to back up her statement.
I, not wanting to for insecurity reasons, said no.
We’re not screaming at each other, but she has heatedly brought it up a few more times, telling me I have no reason to be insecure anymore. I think I’m the jerk here because well… she’s right. Why did I get surgery if I didn’t want people to see me?
And she wasn’t exactly incorrect about the improvement. I have insecurities about my nose still, yes, but there are days when I love my nose.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom that it hurts your feeling to hear her talk about how much your appearance has improved. ‘Improved’ literally means ‘having become or been made better.’ You didn’t need to be ‘made better’ and hearing it from your mom is hurtful.
I doubt she means it to be hurtful but it doesn’t matter. Explain to her that it is and that you are happy with your new nose but there is so much more to you than your nose and it is upsetting she can’t see that.” anono92466
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Everyone wants their parents to like them.
And it’s really painful when your parent says they don’t like something about you. Your mom made it pretty clear that she did not like your nose. That can leave pretty deep emotional wounds, and make you want to do whatever you can to get your parent to like you (like getting aesthetic nose surgery).
But in the end, we all still wish that our parents just liked us how we were from the start. Without having to change ourselves. Even if you like your new nose, it’s okay to still be upset that your mom wasn’t proud of you before you had it. Mom’s love and support should be unconditional.” AMadManWithAPlan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from your other comments, it seems like your mom is pushing her insecurities onto you. You don’t have to want people to look at you and judge your appearance just because you got surgery and your mother shouldn’t be doing things that make you uncomfortable. You’re old enough to decide what pictures of you get posted and how people talk to you.
You politely set a boundary and your mom broke that boundary while bringing up an insecurity of yours in the process on purpose.” RayRabbitHearted
7. AITJ For Keeping My Co-op Placement?
“So my best friend and I (both 20F) are both second-year engineering students at different schools where we’re searching for a co-op placement as part of our program. In case you don’t know what co-op education is, it’s basically when students do 8-12 months of work in their field of study and gain work experience while they’re still in school.
I’ve known my best friend since middle school, and she’s been with me throughout my entire academic career ever since, thick and thin. Sadly, we don’t see each other as often now since graduation as she went off to our local college while I went to a university about 50 miles away from home, not to mention we’ve been so busy with our schoolwork.
So when the last semester ended, I finally had the chance to sit down and search for co-op placements as it was on my mind for a while now. I applied to 60 positions for this upcoming summer where I was invited to 3 interviews. One of the interviews was for a junior team project position back in my hometown, in 3 days.
Unbeknownst to me, my best friend had also been invited to this interview! I found out when I face-timed her the good news, and we both were super excited to potentially be working together!
A week later, they contacted me that I got the job to my luck! I quickly text my friend to tell her I got the job and see if she got a response yet, but she said she hasn’t received one yet.
Two weeks passed, and my friend told me in text that none of the places she applied to responded back. I started to feel bad and noticed she became more agitated than usual.
What really surprised me was when she texted me one night to ask if I could still decline the offer even though I accepted it weeks ago.
I asked her why and she said that she still wanted to do a co-op with me and asked if I could look for another one where we could apply together. I tell her that it was so hard to secure this co-op already, let alone a co-op in our hometown, that I don’t want to give this one up.
She starts making ‘jokes’ about me quitting that clearly tell me that she doesn’t want me taking this job until it goes to this heated argument where she accuses me of ‘betraying our friendship.’ It was so bad, I just muted her at that point. Then came the constant calling where I had to block her, and texts on other social media platforms where I painstakingly blocked her there too…
I called my mom in the morning about what happened and she told me that perhaps my best friend isn’t really my friend. I unblocked my best friend on all platforms to try and reconcile, but she either ghosts me or flips the bird at me via emoji. Presently, I am still so conflicted and wondering whether or not I was the jerk for refusing to give up my placement for the sake of our friendship…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Being friends is one thing, but this level of codependency is just insanity. Why would you ever try to get a placement with your friend? Or better yet, trim down a placement at a company in the hope that you can get something with her together. That screams of both being unprofessional and ridiculously immature.
Please don’t turn this down, especially with how hard it was to get it.
Being long-time friends doesn’t mean you need to do everything together. It’s time to grow up and sometimes growing up leads to people growing apart.
Also, trust and believe that if the situation was reversed she wouldn’t be turning down the placement to try to find another one that you guys can work at together.” AdGreedy8386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some friends are only happy if they’re doing better than you. I had a friend in HS who was the ‘pretty’ one. She got all the attention from guys, she was successful at everything, etc. Fast forward years I’ve completed grad school, have a good job, am married, etc. She dropped out of college (because job experience is what counts) and is stuck in a job she hates but can’t get another one because no degree.
Now she’s bitter about it and we talk rarely. Do not sacrifice your dreams for your friend. She’s proven she’s not a friend.” LadyKiiri
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get the desire to want to do it together, but trying to get you to drop one for something that’s not even an option right now?
She wants you with her or else doesn’t want you to get more than her, and that’s just sad. As someone else said, you have to watch out for yourself. You’re your own golden goose. If you don’t take care of yourself, NO ONE else will. They’ll take every egg you lay and tear the meat from your bones and then move on to the next person.
It’s rare to find people that have your best interest in mind and sad that you found out that your friend doesn’t seem to have it in mind at all.” Lurkingentropy
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Drink From My Water Bottle?
“Recently my partner and I have been arguing about our water bottles, and I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong here.
We both have reusable water bottles that we drink from every day, and he is lovely and fills mine up for me quite frequently, sometimes without me even asking. He does, then, drink from it quite a lot, as his own bottle sits empty because he forgets to fill it. I personally like to keep track of how much water I drink every day, to make sure I’m staying properly hydrated, and I feel like I can’t keep track of that if he keeps drinking from my water bottle.
He thinks that he can drink from it since he’ll fill it anyway. I think we should just stop sharing water, and I’ll fill my own bottle. He thinks this is silly, and that I’m being selfish. AITJ for not wanting him to drink from my water?”
Another User Comments:
“If he can remember to fill yours, he can remember to fill his own.
Your desire to keep track of how much you drink makes sense, and even if that weren’t the case, you can ask him to please drink from his own bottle only and though you appreciate his help in the past you’d be happy to fill your own bottle going forward – in fact, you’ll fill his too once in a while.
Nothing about your position is silly or selfish. If he can’t respect your request, it would start to seem like a petty controlling move or just outright disregard for your preference. NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“As someone sharing water bottles with my partner, I can see how he doesn’t see a problem… on the other hand, he should accept your wishes.
NTJ but neither is he… why not use glasses like most people and then just use the reusable water bottles as normal water bottles. Then you can remember the number of glasses you had and you don’t need two bottles standing around especially if he fills it up anyway.” Remote-Equipment-340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it is your drink bottle and you get to decide if you want to share or not.
Just so you know though, you don’t really need to keep track of how much water you are drinking. The amount of water a person should drink is not a one size fits all so just drink water regularly throughout the day, no need to follow a strict drinking regime.” FieryAussie
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Record A Tornado?
“I (M28) have my brother (M21) living with me.
He is extremely into those emergency alerts and tornado sirens. The other day, we had a tornado warning, and instead of going downstairs like they tell you to, he ran past me, screaming, ‘Holy crap. A tornado warning.’ Over and over again. He took a video of the TV screen, and I yelled at him to get downstairs instead of standing there.
He told me I was ruining his video. Then he ran outside to record the nearby tornado siren, and I ran out after him yelling over the rain to get to the basement. He kept yelling back, ‘Stop ruining my video.’
We got in the basement, and he was super upset. He demanded I apologize because I interrupted his video recording and that he had to delete it because I ’embarrassed’ him.
I told him it was ridiculous to go outside during a tornado, and that he should know better, being the family weather geek. He claimed the warning was for a different part of our county, even though our sirens went off. I told him he needs to find a different hobby since he is using it as an excuse to be irresponsible and reckless.
To which he started crying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here for making him go inside but YTJ for how you handled that conversation in the basement. I’m originally from NYC and I’m also autistic. I’m going to assume that you’re educated about autism and special interests. If you are, you know he isn’t just ‘using it as an excuse to be irresponsible and reckless.’ Of course he started crying.
I understand you were upset, but that was unnecessarily hurtful.
I think once you’re both calmed down that you have a conversation about other ways he can engage in his special interest that don’t potentially put his life at risk. He can’t just switch it off. That isn’t how his brain works.” AphelionEntity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m a Midwesterner by birth and while we hear the sirens often in our storm season, we also have learned when to take cover and when to sit outside and watch the storm roll through.
Your brother might know a lot about the weather since it’s his hobby, but it’s not something he just innately knows when to run from.
And those things are QUICK like they straight up show up out of nowhere and destroy everything they touch.
Fascinating, ABSOLUTELY but also deadly, so until he’s certified as a storm spotter or takes a few meteorology courses, he’s putting himself at risk any time he runs into a storm. And the tornado alone isn’t the only threat – they’re often accompanied by lightning and worse, hail.
Hail is the biggest threat when it comes to storms and not being in the path of the tornado and that stuff doesn’t just stick to the hook and eye on the radar.
Maybe a bit harsh in telling him to find a new hobby, but if he can’t respect nature and its fury, he may need to do just that.” DntMindMeImNtRlyHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ also YTJ
Autism is associated with hyper fixation or obsession with an idea or thing. Think about the stereotype of the autistic person who is obsessed with trains, train schedules, the number of railcars in a train, etc.
You are 100% not the jerk for wanting him safe.
You are 10% the jerk for not knowing how to help him manage a fixation.
The undesirable consequences of autism can cause a person to hurt themselves. In that case, they need help to overcome the issue. If autism didn’t cause deficits in daily function it wouldn’t be considered a medical condition.
Try mindfulness. Next time you talk about tornadoes with him, in a casual setting, ask why the sirens are there.
And practice talking about how ‘tornadoes can throw you in the air and slam you onto the ground.’ Use the same phrase a few times to help be a reminder about the danger. Bring the phrase up whenever your brother talks about tornadoes. That way, you have a strategy next time the fixation threatens to hurt him because he won’t run away from his fixation.
When he starts getting super excited and into a future tornado situation, help him remember the key phrase to cause him to be mindful of why there are sirens. ‘What can a tornado do?’ ‘Oh, it will throw me in the air and slam me into the ground.’ ‘Even though it is cool, we have to be safe.
Is it good if there is even a little chance of being slammed to the ground?’ ‘No…’ ‘We have to go downstairs now.’ And take a moment to help him be mindful of the reality of the danger.
You can also make it easier to leave the real tornado situation by downloading ahead of time some special videos about tornadoes that you two can watch on your phones in the basement.
That way, if the fixation is very strong, he can still engage in the fixation to a small degree while sheltering, without risking injury.” DemNodules
Between the responses having nothing to do with the post and the comments putting weird words in where they don't fit, these stories are stupid now
4. AITJ For Leaving The Country And My Family?
“So I’m a 24 (M) with 2 siblings (19 F and 26 M) along with a single mother (46 F). We lived on a farm and never had much money my whole life so I and my brother took part-time jobs in high school to pay the bills. My sister joined suit when she was old enough and after high school I was full-time on the farm, going to night classes, and had a part-time night job for a call center.
My siblings and mother were content barely scraping by on the farm but we depended on 3 incomes minimum or we were missing meals. Once I graduated college I made a friend in the UK who was able to set up an interview online. I got a high-paying financial type job in London which I quickly accepted.
My family had never asked about my schooling and always assumed I would stay on the farm. While they began building a second house I packed 2 suitcases and drove 4.5 hours to the nearest international airport. 6-7 hours later I was in the UK.
It took 2 days for me to hear from my family. My brother asked me where I was and that he needed help with something.
I told him I wasn’t even in the country anymore and had to attend my first meeting. I returned to a hundred missed calls and texts from my family asking if it was a joke and berating me when they realized it wasn’t.
They never mistreated me, there was no incident that made me want to leave.
I just didn’t tell them cuz it seemed like they didn’t really care what I was doing before so I didn’t care to tell them when it started going well. But still, I’m feeling guilty so AITJ for leaving my family? I feel I might be because they would struggle without the extra income I provided for the house.”
Another User Comments:
“There may have never been outward mistreatment, but reading in between the lines the relationship dynamic in your family was unhealthy. When a minor has to help pay the bills that’s a form of parentification and that is not an ideal situation and puts pressure on a kid. It also seems that you felt emotionally neglected. You were taken for granted and nobody asked what you wanted.
It’s a good thing he didn’t tell them your plans because your family would have used guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, love bombing, etc.
I do think you could have shot your family a text to say you’ve left, but then I think you were exploited and overworked and in danger of burnout. It’s rare for an adult child in a loving and stable family to just up and leave like that with no goodbye.
I didn’t see a lot of love coming your way from your family.
NTJ, OP, especially since you’ve tried to send your family funds.” FloppyEaredDog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you should have let them know so they could’ve tried to prepare to find other income to replace the income you were bringing in.
Even if you left last minute, you could have still let them know and come up with a temporary plan to give them some $ since, as you said yourself, you just got a high-paying job in finance. The way I see it, you escaped poverty and the feeling of being trapped into that life, by leaving your family high and dry who will now suffer even worse poverty.
I bet they would have been completely fine with you leaving and improving your life especially if you had said you would send them $ for x period of time.” MissBerrylicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for making a better life for yourself, if your siblings don’t want better for themselves, that’s on them, you did quite a bit to get to the point that you are at, and landing a good job in another country!
I feel like you didn’t tell them because they MAY have had negative things to say to get you to stay, so, I can understand keeping it to yourself
It’s a shame that children have to struggle and believe that’s normal, your sibling should be doing something different, there is no obligation for them to remain in a place that causes them to miss meals…I’m proud of you.” ShelyChelle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – If it takes all four of you working full-time on the farm to simply have a meal on the table, the farm doesn’t sound sustainable OR like you could depend on it in the future. It’s your life and it sounds like you’ve made the right choice to me.
However, leaving with no notice at all was a weird and jerk move…
I would apologize to your family for leaving so abruptly and see if you can help them either make the farm more successful or determine if selling it/finding other jobs would be better for everyone.” beeeeeebee
3. AITJ For Flipping Off Children?
“The children in question are my neighbor’s kids and about 7 of their friends.
They are middle school-aged. I live in an apartment complex and they regularly make noise outside in the evenings. I work from home in the evenings so it’s a bit annoying, but I never make an issue of it. I understand that noise is part of apartment life, so I accept it and just get on with my business.
This all changed when the kids decided to doorbell ditch my apartment. The first time I ignored it, but the second time I started to get mad. I stepped outside and saw them hiding behind a bush. I shouted for them to knock it off and tried to keep my tone firm but not mean.
They came back again to hit loudly on my windows, at which point I had had enough. I looked out and saw them staring into my living room window. That’s when I impulsively flipped them off. They ran to their apartment, presumably to tattle on me, but I was too irritated to care.
In hindsight, this was not the best decision, since it wasn’t exactly a good conflict resolution tactic and just escalated the situation.
That being said, I don’t think I’m obligated to be polite to other people’s children when they’re harassing me in my apartment without provocation. I feel bad about being impulsive and petty, but I was tired and didn’t have the patience for a conversation at that point.
When they hit on my windows AGAIN I was ready for it and confronted them.
I was about to get the parents involved when the mom came out and started fussing at me for flipping off her kids. No apology for their behavior, no attempt to correct it. She just yelled at me that there was no excuse for flipping off a bunch of 11-year-olds.
I responded by giving her the double bird.
She returned it and ushered the kids into her apartment. I shouted at her to keep her kids away from my apartment, which she didn’t acknowledge.
Again, I know this was impulsive and not helpful, but it really annoyed me that this woman was taking no accountability for her kids behaving like jerks. I think I’m right to be mad even if I didn’t handle it in the most mature way, and the kids have hopefully learned a lesson about respecting other people’s privacy.
I’m really not someone who is inclined to be rude to kids but I feel like they earned it for being disruptive. I don’t believe that ‘kids will be kids’ is an acceptable excuse for obnoxious behavior either. I think they’re old enough to know that harassing people is out of line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I understand that after they ring the doorbell multiple times you were annoyed and flipped them off impulsively, but that doesn’t make it right. I also understand that their mother shouldn’t have come over to berate you when the kids are clearly in the wrong here, but again, that doesn’t make it right to flip her off either.
You’re not majorly a jerk, but it may be wise to act less impulsively in the future.” xX_Username1_Xx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, by everyone, I mean you and the mother. They’re kids and to them, they’re having harmless fun, you really have to try your constant best not to be a jerk.
You should’ve at least gone to the mother first to tell her to stop them. She should be teaching them not to harass strangers especially after you asked them to knock it off.” mocaxe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – but more on you. A lot more. You are the adult. You should have gone to their house, the first time they did it.
IF they still persist because their parents didn’t do anything about it, then you can start retaliating back.” User
2. AITJ For Kicking A Friend Out Of Our Group?
“I (20M) started a D&D campaign in September of last year. A mutual friend of most of the group (We’ll call him Dave, 32M) heard about it and was upset that we hadn’t invited him, so I let him join.
He warned me that he hadn’t played any tabletop role-playing game in nearly a decade and that he had some pretty intense anxieties over being abandoned by groups over the tabletop role-playing game, thanks to previous experience, but hoped it would be fine. Having known him for a while, I knew he had a history of blowing things out of proportion when his anxiety spiked, but I was hopeful.
Now, after taking about four months to finally make a character, Dave was ready and we could finally start the campaign. Eventually, we got to a moment where a few of the other players’ characters were sitting around in their downtime talking about where they had come from. One of them made a mild reference to a previous one-shot in the same world, as she had lived in a city that had been besieged and taken over in that game.
Dave butted in (despite having not been involved in the conversation) to insist that he didn’t know what she meant because he wasn’t there for the one-shot. It escalated into an argument, with the other players trying to tell him that that was fine because this was about in-character knowledge. He continued on that same point, creating a massive distraction in the session that ended with him just up and leaving for the night.
We ended the session early that week.
When I sat down later to talk to Dave about it, he swore that if he caused a scene again he would just leave entirely because he didn’t want to be an issue. He just asked that we tell him when he gets that bad because he legitimately couldn’t tell when he was having an anxiety spiral. Everything was fine until our session two weeks ago.
I introduced a Dragonborn non-playable character but described her pretty vaguely because Dragonborn is rare in my setting.
Dave started getting upset that it felt like everyone had some knowledge about it that he didn’t, even though it had been openly discussed before. It escalated, just like the previous issue, eventually culminating in me having to step away because I get panicky when voices are raised. When I came back, he hurriedly offered to just leave the campaign then and there, but I hesitated because I didn’t want to just drive him away when he was spiraling.
The next week at work had a 6-day stretch for me, so all thought of asking him to leave was forgotten. I went as far as to cancel the session that week, because of work. It wasn’t until this last Sunday (the day of another session) that I had the time and the headspace to finally approach him about it.
He was angry at me for leaving it until the last second, which I understand, but he refused to listen to my explanations as to why. The conversation, spanning several days now, has gone nowhere. He even accused me of kicking him out because of his mental illness, called me a jerk, etc. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s right in calling me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re 20. He’s 32. It might seem like that’s not important, but it’s gonna matter.
Dave hears you’re playing and wants to be invited. In fact, he was upset when you didn’t invite him. Once you capitulate, Dave tells you that he’s not actually good at groups, that people don’t seem to like him very much and that he always gets ‘abandoned’.
He then displays behavior that isn’t great to have at the table. He gets upset quickly, he hyper-fixates on things, and he escalates conversations. It’s ended multiple sessions early.
You asked Dave to leave the group. Not putting it off would have been better, but I understand the anxiety and work stuff. That’s reasonable. Dave, however, reacts unreasonably.
He blames you, despite saying himself that he might need to leave for good. He draws the conversation out with you, waiting for you to give in again.
Social anxiety, mental illness, neurodivergence, trauma, any or all could be involved. But that’s not YOUR problem.
You’re 20. You have social anxiety, but it sounds like you’re working to manage it.
You’re aware of the weaknesses it creates in some of your interactions, but you take responsibility for that and you work to fix it. He’s 32. He’s failed at being in groups before but takes no responsibility for it. He is not using healthy coping mechanisms in arguments or to calm down. He uses his mental illness against you, to say that you should somehow accommodate his behavior.
But, you’re not a business and he’s not paying you to DM. You’re a young person trying to have fun with friends.
If Dave is struggling with mental illness, Dave needs to go to therapy. Dave needs to learn how to live with his mental illness. He is twelve years your senior. You don’t need to coddle him in the meantime.” captiveateher
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Dave taking 4 months to create a character sounds like something you could have helped with. Even if you didn’t want to, you could have sent him to D&D beyond. You guys didn’t even have to wait for him, you could have still played.
You need to elaborate on what the argument was about.
Because I don’t understand what’s going on here or why people were annoyed.
Why is Dave having anxiety attacks over the description of a Dragonborn? Why are you being vague on the description if the players are seeing the non-playable character? It doesn’t matter if they’re rare if the players are literally seeing the non-playable character.
He’s right. He offered to leave and you rejected that idea and then waited until the last second to say anything. That is a jerk move. I don’t think there’s any defense against this, it takes seconds to send a text or something.
I don’t know, you need to describe the issues Dave was having better, because it sounds like they were upset with a lack of information.
If you knew Dave was like that, why would you literally continue to do so?” User
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Room To Turn Into A Guest Bedroom?
“I (NB) live with my partner (M) and we watch over his grandpa (90s/M) essentially full time. His mental ability has declined rapidly, and he struggles to do basic things.
The home is a 4/2. I have one room, and my partner has one. Grandpa is in the master bed, and the last room is unoccupied. We sleep in my partner’s room, I have mine for a little living room to a degree. It gives both of us some privacy when we are both home, and some space to not be crammed together 24/7 in the same room.
I have had the space without any issues for 5 years.
There was no original handshake agreement, but my partner stayed living in with his grandpa to ensure he has care and has been there for 10+ years because it is his family. The home is completely paid off, the only bills are utilities that the grandpa’s retirement pays, so no rent was needed. We got together, I moved in to step up to help take care of his grandpa, too.
The extra help was needed, so it was either me or a nursing home. I personally have lived there for about 7 years, as essentially live-in help.
I have been the caretaker of my partner’s grandpa, making sure he eats, is medicated, and is cared for. I clean the house from top to bottom. I do extensive amounts of yard work to catch up on years of neglect.
I have deep-cleaned and organized rooms, bathrooms, outdoor sheds, patios, etc. If it is out of my control to fix or clean, I have let my partner’s mother know in the past, and leave it to her discretion, because it is her dad’s house.
My partner’s mother (F) is selling her local house, not out of necessity, but because she and her partner (M) want to take advantage of the housing market, but still has to work so she is moving in with her partner.
There is no necessity to sell and displace herself, she also owns another property about 3 hrs away that she lives in and rents out as an AirB&B. So with that situation, she and her partner are choosing to move into the currently unoccupied room of her own volition.
During this, I get told by my partner’s mother that they are going to clear out my room in order to have a guest bedroom.
There was no discussion or negotiation, just that I was expected to condense my room with my partner to have an open guest room for potential company and leave it unoccupied. They’re creating this imaginary dilemma that there might possibly be company so they NEED an empty room. Keep in mind, it has been over 5 years since that house has seen company.
It has caused a massive problem because I’m not compromising for them this time, especially when there are other options.
I’ve done more than my fair share for living there, But they’re saying ‘you don’t pay rent so the trade-off is taking care of grandpa’.
I did the math of my presence and labor alone, it would be around 36k A.
MONTH. that they would have to pay professionals if they hired people to do what I do. And that is lowballing the amount!
But now it’s become a massive fight because I won’t budge.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but where is your partner in this? I must say it does sound a little intense for the 5 of you living together especially as the communication seems bad from the beginning.
I would present them with two options:
a) you continue to live with grandpa and take care of him and the house and garden but in order to thrive doing so, you need your own space (and what else you might need)
b) if mom and her partner want the space they take over full caretaker responsibility and you and your partner move out and find another job and place to stay.
I am pretty sure they are going to choose a. But either way, you need to stand your ground.” -Pippi-
Another User Comments:
“It’s grandpa’s house, and he still lives there and needs care. She’s not thinking this through. If you left, she’d have to pay for care (in or out). If she has the money, maybe that doesn’t matter to her.
Your point about the house not having guests in five years isn’t really relevant – she wants to change everything by moving in. She’s definitely anticipating a future when grandpa isn’t there and probably you and maybe your partner aren’t either. Guests are possible in that future.
The bottom line, though, is you have no legal standing.
Where you live she probably can’t evict you immediately, but she doesn’t need to retain the room assignments. And you’ve been working for no wages for a long time – far too long. It’s time to get paid for your labor. You’re doing more than rent would ever be worth.
Maybe they think your partner can do it all alone?
He should straighten them out on this.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“There are 2 new people moving in who very well might have guests. You could get a Murphy bed or sleeper sofa for that extra room so it can double as a guest room, but it’s ridiculous for you to expect two rooms when everyone else living there gets 1.
You live there rent-free and help take care of the home you live in and the grandfather who owns it, but that doesn’t entitle you to extra space in the house. How do you get spending money? Transportation? Does your partner cover that? Are you in essence functioning as a stay-at-home partner? Because stay-at-home partners take care of the home, kids, etc. YTJ for not compromising.” MissionRevolution306
