People Want To Discuss Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories With Us
24. AITJ For Not Telling An Employee To Have A Day Off?
“I’m a pretty fair manager. I almost always accept time off unless we absolutely cannot function without someone. I will always pick up my employees’ shifts and work overtime if I can to grant their time off.
Anytime someone calls in, I never make them feel bad about it and simply make it work since I understand people get sick.
Last week I had an employee text me saying they were going to be late as they were throwing up all morning (nothing contagious, just pregnancy).
We’re short-staffed today (and most days) so I told them that I was sorry they were sick and told them to take their time coming in. I could make it work without them, but that would mean I wouldn’t get any of my managerial tasks done.
The way she shortly replied made me assume that she wanted me to offer for her to take the day off. If she would have just come out and said she needed the day off, again I would have made it work.
But if I offered every time, we’d have no employees working.
After telling my husband and a few friends about this they were upset that I didn’t just let her stay home and that I need to be more empathetic with her pregnancy.
I’m starting to feel like a jerk since she was sick all morning.
So AITJ for not offering her the day off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your job to offer people to stay home. It would be different… maybe… if she was sick from an illness… with work and fear of getting sick, sometimes it’s better safe than sorry but I still feel that is the worker’s responsibility to figure out.
Just because she is pregnant doesn’t mean she should get a pass or be treated like she’s breakable. She knows how she’s feeling. If she doesn’t think she should be at work or just doesn’t physically feel up to it, it is up to HER to make that decision and arrangements.
She’s an adult. Yea, it may sound un-empathetic, but this is work and one needs to be professional and follow procedures. Not your job to be a nursemaid.” Sweet_Charming82
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you’re the jerk.
If you’re always short-staffed, hire more people.
You’re really going to make the argument that it falls on the pregnant woman throwing up constantly to make sure you get your job done?
Side note: don’t congratulate yourself for doing the bare minimum. You almost always allow paid time off?
Yeah, that’s what PTO days are for. Employees shouldn’t have to say please to take their contractually given time off. Yeah, you’re a real fair manager because most of the time you honor employee contracts.
Do better.” hysteriaisntreal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wanted the day off she could have asked. She didn’t ask and it’s not your job to read her mind and figure out what she really wants. She said she was running late, and you told her she could take her time, which is exactly what she asked for.
You didn’t make her come in, you just didn’t offer the day off, but it was never your responsibility or obligation to offer. She could have asked for the day off, but she didn’t. She got what she asked for.
If she doesn’t like it, she should’ve asked for what she really wanted like a grown-up.” Worth_Raspberry_11
23. AITJ For Naming My Parents' Puppy?
“Since I‘ve been 6 or 7 years old, I tried to convince my parents to get a dog, but they told me we couldn’t get one because we lived in a small apartment. But my mom promised me, that we will get one if we happened to move into a house one day.
Fast forward to the present – I‘m 22, my sister is 35 and she also has a husband and a daughter (8 years old). My sister and I both live in a bigger city and it takes us about 1 hour to go to our parents’ place.
I go back home every weekend and my sister visits them about 2 times a month.
After my grandpa passed away in 2017, my parents inherited his house and spend the next years renovating it.
In September of 2021, my mom got the confirmation that she can retire, so my parents moved into the house permanently and told us, that they want to get a puppy as soon as possible.
The first thing my niece asked was if she gets to choose the name of the dog, and my mom told her, that she already promised me that I get to choose, but that we can maybe decide on a name together.
My mom then started looking for a toy poodle breeder and 1 month ago, we finally found one and the whole family (parents, sister, niece, and myself) went to visit the puppy.
Afterward, we went out to get lunch. During lunch, my sister mentioned that we haven‘t decided on a name yet and my mom asked me to show them my list of names.
They didn‘t like a lot of them, but my parents instantly fell in love with the name ‘Aiko’ and my sister agreed that it was a pretty name.
The next day, I asked my mom if she was still debating what she should name the dog and she told me that she can’t even imagine the dog being called something either than ‘Aiko’ and she’s 100% sure about that.
I then ordered a leash and a collar with a name tag that says ‘Aiko’ and told my family about it. My niece threw a huge tantrum because she wanted the dog to be named ‘Billie’ (a name that was on my list and she didn‘t even consider before lunch) and my sister got really angry as well and told me she was disappointed that we just decided on a name without letting her know and that she thought, we were just throwing around ideas at lunch.
She also said, she doesn’t understand why I would be the one making a list with names, if it’s not even my dog and that initially, my niece and I should have decided together.
I explained to her, that I started the list of names when I was 10 years old and she could have done the same.
And also, it wasn’t my fault that my parents liked the name I suggested. Then she got even angrier and told me, that the only reason they decided on the name was because I was so quick with ordering the name tag and that it was some kind of ‘evil plan just so I can get my way.’
We eventually moved on from the topic, but my sister always brings it up again every chance she gets and mentions how ‘immature’ I acted and how I pressured my parents into deciding on something they didn’t even want.
So, AITJ because my parents chose the name that I suggested for our new puppy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister is right, it’s not your dog, it’s your parents’ dog and THEY LIKE THE NAME. It would have been nicer if you had incorporated your niece more into the naming process as you knew she wanted to be involved, but ultimately a tantrum was excessive and your sister DEFINITELY shouldn’t have backed her up.
If you want to make up though, maybe try getting your niece more involved in puppy things (like maybe go puppy shopping together and let her pick out some things?).” New-Kaleidoscope5651
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents followed through on an old promise and I love that for them.
10/10 good parenting. Your sister on the other hand needs to get a grip. Your niece can be disappointed but she doesn’t have a say in the end if your parents really like the name.” C0pper-an0de
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your niece is throwing a tantrum. Your sister needs to step up and be a parent, instead of enabling her. If it’s that important, she could buy her daughter her own pet.
She is the one being immature, not you.
Aiko is also a really cool name for a dog.” naynay2908
22. AITJ For Returning My Dad's Gift?
“My dad came by a few days ago, completely unannounced, and dropped off a trailer with two jet skis.
He didn’t even say a word but texted me, ‘Enjoy your gift.’ My husband was so pumped up until I called my dad and told him he needed to come to remove the jet skis from our yard.
I told him we won’t again let him use our house for storage; it’s not a gift when you always take it back. My reason for rejecting the gift is that my dad has a track record of taking back his gifts.
Or using them at his pleasure, often not giving us a heads up first.
I have spoken to him about this, he gets defensive saying he bought it. The final straw was when he gave my daughter a puppy. He went on a cruise shortly after and stayed in Canada for a few weeks.
Arrived back and a week later took the puppy back. We were never under the impression of just babysitting the dog, it was now ours as he said. My kid was heartbroken.
My husband said I was an idiot for giving the jet skis back, and said I should have just used them while we had them.
I told my husband it’s the principle of the thing and I want him to realize you can’t give a gift to only take it back. My husband was so excited about playing on the water, he doesn’t even see the problem here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad’s actions are… very messed up. Particularly the dog thing. That’s really messed up. Don’t really have words for it. I mean, what?!
I’m not criticizing here, I’m just curious. Why did you let him take the dog back?
Having said all of that, if you first explained to your husband what is likely to happen based on past history, I can’t see why he shouldn’t use them while they’re there. It’s different from a puppy, you don’t form an emotional attachment in the same way.
But, to be honest, I’m surprised you’ve managed to maintain a relationship with your dad.
And, as he texted for you to enjoy your gift, wouldn’t you have a right to go to the police if someone then stole your jet skis?
As you’ve got proof they were a gift, aren’t they now your property? Register them as yours. Get smart water or something. And then if they go missing… report the theft. Or sell them before he can take them, and get your daughter a new puppy of her very own.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is the idiot. He wants to play with the stuff and he doesn’t care about the fact that your father is running roughshod over everyone in your family and harming them with his narcissistic ways.
This is not a good thing. You are absolutely right to set a boundary of him not doing this weird stuff anymore. And your husband needs to go save up his pennies and get his own toys.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is super rude for calling you an idiot and you know your dad. How will he feel when your dad shows up while he is out on the water and throws him a lifesaver and takes the jet ski back leaving him stranded?
He should be supporting you when this is a clear pattern instead of getting excited about toys and ‘playing in the water.'” Gogowhine
21. AITJ For Telling My Roommate He's A Mooch?
“My argument: for the six months we’ve lived together he’s never bought anything to smoke, (despite being a daily smoker) he even invites his friends and they smoke my stuff and drink beer and wine I bought, granted I’m hanging out/partying with them too.
He never buys paper towels, trash bags, cleaning supplies, laundry or dishwasher detergent, food condiments, spices, sugar, flour, etc. despite cooking 3 meals a day. Often eats my food (like half a brand new bag of chips probably happened 10-15 times with various foods).
Drives my truck only put gas once and once returned it on E just before I needed to go somewhere. The list goes on and on, basically, he’s never contributed monetarily to the house in any way in 6 months.
His argument: he’s on a sabbatical and doesn’t have a job or make money (had ~25k in the bank when he moved in now it’s dwindled down to 9k). He provides value in other forms such as a lot of excellent advice to me during our talks (true, he’s a very insightful person, more so than me probably but I also listen to all his problems and try to help) and he claims he’s provided me a lot of lessons on music during our jam sessions (he DJs and I rap, and it’s true he does have a lot more experience than me and has given me a lot of pointers).
With this, he recently told me he has a 100% clear conscious and doesn’t consider what I’m saying to be true at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, great, he’s given you advice in the past, but that still doesn’t excuse him from helping in buying supplies for the house.
If anything, that’s what good friends are for, being there for each other. BOTH of you live in the household and it can’t be only one person buying everything while the other spends their hard-earned money on it.
Advice for you, stop letting him eat/use your own stuff. You continue to let him do all the things you’ve mentioned, he’s not going to stop.” EndGloomy7617
Another User Comments:
“You created this situation and now you have to fix it.
He had been flagrantly taking advantage of you for 6 months and does not feel bad at all because he listens to your problems and jams with you. Good friends always listen to problems and hang out. It’s not something you should have to pay for.
One of my pals at your age got thrown out of his home so he lived with me and I paid for food and everything. But he had a truck and would drop me off to work or pick me up and he would walk my dogs and I was cool with it.
I directly said don’t worry about food. Just help me when I need it. That’s what friends do. Not proclaim that he doesn’t feel the least bit bad being a user. NTJ, this is part of growing up.
Ditch this guy he doesn’t care about you.” WoofingtonSpiff
Another User Comments:
“OP, you’re being a jerk to yourself. It’s not about him having a clear conscience, he’s found a sweet ride and he doesn’t want it to end.
He thinks if he says this stuff you’re going to keep on supporting him out of obligation. You didn’t mention in his contributions that he cleans, so I’m assuming you’re doing that, too. He’s not ‘manifesting’ he’s mooching!
And not just low-cost items like chips and paper towels, he’s using – and inviting others to use – your stuff and booze which cost a lot more.
So you’re not just financing him, you’re financing his friends.
Doesn’t matter if you’re partying too, his plans include you paying for his friends to have a good time, without even a thank you. Because according to him you owe him for him giving advice and talking about music, which by the way are things friends naturally do without any expectations or monetary demands.
He and his friends are using you. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were laughing at you behind your back as well. You already know you don’t need a roommate, as you’re doing everything anyway. Kick him out and let him manifest his needs with someone else.” PineapplePizza-4eva
20. AITJ For Limiting My Brother's Contact With My Mother?
“My mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia. My siblings and I have been alternating with caring for my mother. For a short while, my brother took her to live with him as she was incapable of living by herself.
My mother, who is a property owner, was told by my brother to sign her property over to him. He did it for Medicaid purposes but it still doesn’t give him the right to keep the funds. He should’ve put it in trust for his mother’s care.
He has all the funds in his possession. He promised her that he would take care of her in return. Keep in mind she was not in the right state of mind to be signing any contacts because of her dementia.
Eventually, he stopped caring for her and didn’t return her funds. My sister (61F), who is the court-appointed mother’s co-guardian, is taking care of my mother now and he doesn’t want to help her with anything. She works full-time and is struggling financially.
She can only afford to hire home aid with her own money. My brother is still receiving my mother’s social security fund and her stimulus checks. This fund is supposed to be for my mother’s care. However, he is spending the funds on himself, including spending it on casinos and other personal expenses.
We’ve tried multiple times to prevent him from spending it. However, he believes that it is his ‘inheritance,’ even though she is still alive and well. He judges us because he thinks we didn’t support him enough when he did take care of her.
He has been mistreating my sister and claiming she has been not taking care of my mother properly. He thinks that my sister and I don’t deserve any financial help. When we ask him if he could take care of her for a few days, he stalls and says he has to ask his wife.
This excuse has been going on for months, unfortunately.
We took this to court, and they told him that he couldn’t touch the funds, but he still did. We are waiting for the court to put the deed back into trust for our mother’s care.
Here’s why I might be the jerk. I and my sister have been limiting my brother’s access to our mother and acting negatively when he does call and ask to speak to her. My mother sometimes gets upset when she speaks to him, or when we fight in the same room as her.
So we try to restrict contact as much as possible. He has been telling everyone else in the family that we are blocking him from seeing her. But we are always open for him to come to pick her up, though he never goes through with it.
AITJ for limiting contact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like he committed elder mistreatment and, if it is not good for her to be around him in her mental state, so be it. He tried to take the cake before it was cooked and now wants to cry because his dessert was taken away.
Do what is best for your mother’s health. You only have a set amount of time with her and you want to enjoy it.
I’m sorry about your mother. Alzheimer’s is a vile thing to watch happen to someone.
With a court-appointed caregiver, the caregiver is basically a parent now if your mother is unable to care for herself. If you would limit contact with someone who upsets your child, it would be the same to limit contact with someone who upsets someone who does not have the full cognitive capacity to understand what he is doing to her.” CantImBusy
Another User Comments:
“The only way you’re even remotely the jerk would be for not being borderline harassing towards the court to get them to enforce their order… and for not contacting the SSA to stop her benefits from going to him and getting him removed as co-guardian since he obviously can’t be trusted. But a jerk for limiting contact?
Not even close. It’s obvious that he shouldn’t have any contact. At all. Period.
I went through something similar with my aunt (she was childless) and I know this is really hard. There will always be people around who will take advantage of the situation.
In cases like this, paranoia is your friend.” ringwraith6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow? This is some straight-up elder mistreatment. He knowingly had your mother sign a document when she has dementia? That is beyond not okay. I’m glad you went to court.
How on earth is he still receiving her funds? Everything he has done and continues to do is highly illegal. Do not let him get away with this. This is offensive to me and I don’t even have a player in the game.” Thart85
19. AITJ For Being Angry At My Future Mother-In-Law?
“So my partner (29F) and I (23M) have been together for roughly 1 1/2 years. Nearly a year of that we have spent in our own apartment together in Melbourne, Australia. Her family lives in Sydney and we have visited a few times.
Anyway, her brother, ‘Mike’ (17M), and his partner, ‘Jessica’ (17F) were planning on coming down for the long weekend with ‘Jessica’s’ family via car. We had arranged to meet for dinner through my partner’s Mum, ‘Tiffany’. Mainly because it is hard organizing meetups with teenagers and ‘Tiffany’ has contacts with ‘Jessica’s’ family.
We had initially arranged to meet up on Sunday night as I had already arranged plans with my partner on the Saturday night, which we made them aware of.
Come midday Friday I receive a message from my partner asking if we could change the planned dinner with ‘Mike’ and ‘Jessica’ to that night, which I agreed to.
It was a bit of an inconvenience as it took me an hour to get home from work. Which meant we would have just gotten ready and go as soon as I got home because the restaurant was also an hour away.
Keep in mind this was still all done through ‘Tiffany’.
We got there on time and sat in our car and told them to call us when they got there because we didn’t know who the reservation was under.
Around 10 minutes later, they arrive and we meet them right outside the car where ‘Tiffany’ emerges from nowhere and yells ‘Surprise!’ And then immediately says ‘I’ll have to stay the next two nights, oh is that okay?’
Fast forward through dinner and both me and my partner are fuming. We didn’t make a scene at the restaurant because we were also having dinner with other strangers from ‘Jessica’s’ extended family whom we had never met before.
We had also found out that ‘Mike’ and ‘Jessica’ were also going to be staying with us for one night.
We are both very organized people and we had nothing sorted. We didn’t have any food in the fridge, not enough pillows, had a week’s worth of washing on the clothes rack inside and not to mention just general clutter.
We usually do most of our cleaning on a Saturday morning so the house was about as worse as it could get being Friday night.
More annoyingly, now all of our plans for the weekend had to be changed to cater to them.
We are expected to drive them places, cook their meals and cancel any other plans that we had for the weekend (she never asked about our plans at all).
‘Tiffany’ picked up that we are angry but assumed it was because the cluttered house made us feel uncomfortable and kept saying that she doesn’t mind.
This just makes me angrier.
We expected to have dinner with ‘Mike’ and ‘Jessica’ but somehow it’s turned into an Airbnb with my future mother-in-law.
Do we need to suck up the pain and be grateful that we get to have an extra weekend with ‘Tiffany’?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would not have been a big deal to me, but clearly, it is a big deal to you. You mentioned your partner was fuming also. Considering both of you are not happy with the situation, you need to have a conversation with Tiffany.
Set the boundary. Set the expectation. Tiffany will be hurt, but it is better to be hurt once, than for everyone to be hurt every time this happens. And if you don’t have the conversation, this will happen again and again.
Also, your partner needs to speak up or Tiffany will just blame you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At what point exactly did they know they needed a place to stay? They couldn’t have called and asked? They didn’t find out in a car ride.
This is unacceptable.
Honestly, I don’t do pop-ups. You do not just randomly show up at my job, my dinner, and especially not at my home. It’s intrusive and shows an utter disregard for my privacy and my personal boundaries.
The intruder stating that they don’t mind the mess would have annoyed me too. It’s not about what you don’t mind, idiot. It’s about what I mind.
They’re lucky you allowed it or are planning to. I would have told them to Airbnb or find a hotel.
My home is neither.” Thart85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but both of you need to learn how to open your mouths and say no. The minute they invited themselves over the answer should have been, ‘that doesn’t work for us and you’ll have to find somewhere else to stay.'” PommeDeSang
I would've done my usual cleaning on the Saturday. Sleeping arrangements were whatever as you had nothing prepared. They were welcome to help yourself to the non existent food in your fridge.... or go out for breakfast. The plans you had for the weekend that didn't include them needed to stand. They had a car, they can drive themselves.
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad's Partner?
“I (18F) have a good relationship with my father. We have the same taste in music and the same sense of humor. My mom and he have been separated for 12 years now and everything was good between all of us until he got with his new partner ‘Mary’.
She’s 67 so ten years older than my father. She has a very high opinion of herself and thinks she was a very good parent. Her children have been very clear on how she wasn’t. They have said to both me and my mother that she had caused them a lot of emotional trauma.
That should’ve been a huge red flag to me.
Mary and I had a big argument 2 years ago. At the time I needed to get out of my hometown due to my best friend’s passing. The argument was about my mother, she called her a terrible parent for letting my younger brother and me play video games and that she shouldn’t let us eat what we want.
She knows that he and I have autism that affects what we eat. During this argument, my dad tried his best to get her to stop. Saying stuff like ‘their mom knows best, we don’t live with them’ and ‘leave her alone she already has enough to deal with.’ Mary ignored all of this and started bringing my best friend into it.
That’s when I called my mom and told her I was going home. I haven’t stayed in their place since.
2 years later she is still starting conflict. My dad can’t even say hello to my mom without her screaming at him on the other end of the phone.
I got sick of it so I decided to call her yesterday. I told her that she had no right to control my dad in that matter. He’s allowed to talk to my mother especially when it’s about my brother and me.
She then insisted that I could relay the messages between them which made me blow up. I screamed at her saying that I’m still basically a child and I shouldn’t have to manage my parents’ conversations just because she’s insecure.
I hung up and not two minutes later my dad called me saying that I should apologize and that I was being a jerk. I said to him ‘if you want to risk your relationship with your kids that’s fine.
But don’t come back to us when she decides it’ll be more convenient to leave you.’
So, AITJ?
Edit: so I forgot to mention why I called her. Basically, I was on the phone with my dad earlier for about ten minutes before I heard her shouting ‘you’ve been on the phone with her long enough.’ Stuff like this has been going on since our argument in 2020, she’s been doing the same to my brother when he’s on the phone with him.
So at that point, I decided to call her to sort things out but my emotions got the best of me in the end.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I have a hard time calling you a jerk for this because you didn’t say anything that’s wrong.
She shouldn’t go out with a man with kids if she has a problem with him talking to their mother. That’s ridiculous. And your dad needs to prioritize his children over his partner, and it doesn’t seem like he’s doing that.
I just feel like they both needed to hear that, and your dad needs to decide if he really wants to be with this woman who’s clearly causing friction in your family for no reason.” Such_Ad7626
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but in a soft cuddly way. Stop getting involved. It’s not your place to involve yourself in any of this. Your dad has a relationship with this woman. You don’t need to play happy family with that. Be polite and amicable.
You have a relationship with your dad. Protect that by not commenting on his partner. I agree with what you said to her, it’s not your place to be the go-between. Yelling at her wasn’t needed. You can apologize for that, without apologizing for the content of what you said.
Let your dad figure out how to communicate with his ex-wife.
If you get on so well with your dad, sit down with him and explain that you want a relationship with him in the absence of his partner. There’s nothing to stop the two of you from hanging out without her.” Just-Collar-5517
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father & mother will have to co-parent the rest of their lives – the woman will have to learn to live with that or get lost. That’s what she signed up for when she started going out with a man with children.
Parenting doesn’t stop when the children turn 18 & if she’s too insecure or self-absorbed to realize that it is not her place to step in the way of or critique your parents’ choices, she should be going out with a childless man.
She has no right to speak to your mother or throw a temper tantrum if your dad talks to your mother. Ridiculous.” StreetNext5958
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your feelings are valid, but this should have started with a conversation with your dad and ended with you removing yourself from their lives temporarily or permanently, not you screaming at a 67-year-old over the phone.
All you achieved in going off at her was giving her more ammunition to treat you poorly and bad mouth your mother.” Erinkayla269
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Grandma To Invite Her Online Friend Over To Our House?
“My grandma is constantly talking to men online, most of them are scammers, obviously, but she started talking to one she really likes and told me she had plans with him and I was excited for her!
And then I found out from my aunt that she invited him to stay in our apartment for a few days and I freaked out. She’s inviting a stranger, who she’s never met in person, to stay in our home.
I’m told I’m being overdramatic, and maybe I am, but it’s always been drilled into my head never to give your address to people you’ve only met online. Sure, he could end up being the best guy in the world, but in my opinion, because we don’t know that for a fact, it’s not safe to invite him to stay in our apartment right now, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but does it matter… since he’s coming either way? Instead of worrying about social graces, prepare for the worst: secure all valuables (away from the apartment if possible), cameras in allowable areas, notify friends and family of all plans, and have a contact who will reach out if they haven’t heard from you in X amount of time.
Assume he’s going to steal and coerce and try to establish residency. Be familiar with tenant laws in your area. Have the non-emergency police number saved. Take photos of the entire apartment beforehand. Take pictures of him, his vehicle, his belongings, etc. Don’t expect that someone else will know what to do if things get sketchy.” COMPLETED_APPLICANT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your name is on the lease then neither your grandma nor your aunt can overrule you like this. If they insist you’re being overdramatic, I would honestly reply that they’re being naive. If your grandma insists on going ahead, do you have anywhere you could go and stay while the random man is staying?
If so, I would shrug and say ok, go ahead at your own risk, but I won’t stay while a completely strange man is here so you’ll be on your own with him – your choice.” mrs_spanner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never give your home address to someone on the internet let alone have them stay in your apartment the first time they meet. Safer to have them in a hotel nearby than meet them in public.
Does your grandma want to end up on a missing person’s poster or your family on the evening news? That’s how you do it.” Reason_Training
16. AITJ For Not Going Out Of My Way To Help My Pregnant Friend?
“I, 20f, am a secretary at a medical clinic. My friend, El, 21f, does not have a job but she runs a small daycare out of the home she shares with her significant other, Cal, 25m.
She makes $30 a day Mon-Fri doing this, so it’s really more of a hobby for her than a job. However, she does have parents that depend on her to watch their children.
I have helped her out with this in the past, but that was before I started working on a 9-5 schedule.
Since then, I’ve been helping her on weekends and after work during the week when I have time.
El found out she was pregnant around five months ago, and she immediately came to me. She moved here to live with her SO about three months before that, so she has no family here and I’m the only close friends she has.
I did as much as I could for her, even offering to take time off to help her. She has miscarried before, so this pregnancy was and is very special to her.
Then, about a month in, she went no contact.
I would try to get in touch with her and she would only answer once every two weeks if I was lucky. Then it turned into once a month. She’d send me a quick message and we’d talk about how her pregnancy is going, then she’d ask me about my life and as soon as I started telling her she’d leave me on read.
I was not invited to her gender reveal or baby shower. I haven’t really been included or updated at all. Then, one day, out of the blue, she messaged me. She sent me the date of an OB appointment and asked if I could ask off to come over and take care of the kids she babysits.
I said I would try, but my boss only allows me to ask off certain days because we’re short staffed and I’m the only one that can take care of certain appointments right now. She thanked me and then left me on read, again.
I talked to my boss and she said I can request off but it might not be approved, so I did, and I didn’t find out it wasn’t approved until the week of the appointment. I told El and got no response.
She has since gone on a trip and posted multiple things on social media. She has posted screenshots of texts between her and her friends and family and it’s clear she has read my text but chosen not to respond.
Her other friends and SO have also completely disregarded me. They’ve all been posting things about ‘who her real friends are’ and how ‘real friends help each other in times of need.’
I feel bad because she’s stressed from her pregnancy, and, in her mind, her baby is more important than anything, including my job and what’s going on in my life.
I also understand that her pregnancy along with the daycare is keeping her super busy.
It’s clear that she’s angry at me for not skipping work to help her out, and I do feel bad for not being there for her.
But I guess I just want an outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She wanted you to take time off YOUR JOB so you could to HER JOB? She’s the jerk for many reasons.
She’s been cutting you out of her life then wants this huge favor?
The parents whose children she cares for I trusted HER to mind them, not some stranger. Also, I don’t know how many kids she’s minding or what country you’re in but where I am you need to be vetted before working in child care and there are all sorts of legal requirements if minding more than 3 kids that aren’t yours, even if it’s in your own home.
You can’t have someone else just step in for the day. (Also it sounds like she’s MASSIVELY undercharging for child care but that’s another issue).
She could have closed the daycare on the day of her appointment, the parents would make other arrangements if given notice.
She could have got one of her ‘real friends’ to help.
I repeat, NTJ.” Technical-Dish3261
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
For allowing yourself to be a tool for your friend. Your ‘friend’ is clearly treating you like a disposable utensil and you are letting her do it.
‘It’s clear that she’s angry at me for not skipping work to help her out, and I do feel bad for not being there for her.’
You did nothing wrong here. You were even willing to take time off when you didn’t have to.
Just like how her life does not revolve around you, your life should also not revolve around someone that is ungrateful for the help you are providing. It’s time for you to let go of this friend and focus on your own life.
I may sound harsh but I am stating facts here.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t just outright tell her no you requested the day off they told you no. There is nothing you can do about it. A true friend would have understood that.
Also, all her friends that are posting about it saying friends should help friends, should have helped her! Not everyone can get off work so she should have had a backup in mind. Also since she hasn’t talked to you or invited you to her baby shower it really seems like she doesn’t see you as a friend.
She just wanted someone to do something for her.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself… she went no-contact with you and did not have the decency to even give a reason of why she is avoiding you and here you are asking if you are a jerk for not helping her out of the blue.
Why do u even consider this person a friend? She can rely on the people who posted things about you in these situations.” Historical_Alarm_889
15. AITJ For Not Obeying My Father?
“I (24F) already have a daughter (5) and of course as a grown-up, I wanted to find a job and also I’m living with my partner (baby’s father, we’re not yet married but in a relationship for 7 years).
My father doesn’t really like this and just wants me to stay in our house with my brothers (23, 20, 8). What I did is I’ll stay in my partner’s house for a week and go back to our house after and stay there for like 5 to 6 days before going back again to my partner’s house.
I know it’s my responsibility as the older sister to take care of my younger brothers but 2 of them are already adults, I’m just worried about our youngest. Both of them don’t work because our father is picky, he doesn’t want his kids to work in a mall or as a delivery guy.
And then earlier, I told my father that I’m going back to my partner and as usual he cussed at me saying that I don’t have any sense of gratitude, that he supported my studies and this is how I repay him, etc. I know I’m at fault too for not listening to him.
But him saying things like this, I’ll get so depressed, I’ll cry for hours, sometimes hurting myself because I feel guilty in all of it. I’m messed up alright, I already know that from when I became a young mom.
I know he’s afraid that I’ll get pregnant again or marry my partner but I reassured him that it won’t happen because I found a goal in life, that I wanted to go to Japan to be able to practice my Japanese (especially in conversation) and pass the highest level of proficiency, N1.
I’m an N3 passer already. But then again my father doesn’t want me to go there because he wants all of us siblings to immigrate to the country he’s in but I want to follow my goal. So AITJ for not following my father’s decisions?
PS: Our parents are not always with us because they’re working in another country. Since we’re young.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are going above and beyond switching between your partner and your brothers’ house to take care of your brother while at the same time taking care of your own child.
And like other people have mentioned, taking care of your youngest brother is not your responsibility, it is your father’s and could also potentially be your older brothers’ responsibility as well since they still all technically live together. Your father is being very controlling of you and as much as you probably love and care for your brother, you need to cut contact with your father ASAP.
Hopefully, you can figure something out where you can still visit your brother without having to see your father.” MangledAndTangled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your responsibility to take care of your siblings. Your highest responsibility is to take care of your own child.
Move in with your partner, if you want. Make your own life and pursue your own dreams. You only get one chance at life, live it the way you want.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father isn’t picky he is controlling.
The older siblings should all work. You are also not a child and even have a kid of your own. My philosophy is if you are old enough to have kids of your own (& legally of age) then you are old enough to make your own decisions and deal with the consequences.” SoilAffectionate492
Age 8 is plenty old enough to start home alone training. How to be safe is a very big part of this. By age 10 kiddo should be able to come home alone until others get home.
By age 12 they can legally babysit other kids. They should be able to have a goal of home alone time if at all possible in the housing situation. Dad could pay a neighbor to help out too.
You need to decide if you're ready to take the step to be a parent and partner.
14. AITJ For Prohibiting People From Letting Their Dogs Pee In My Yard?
“Around 2 years ago I began to put serious emphasis, and cash, into the rehabilitation of the front lawn.
But there was one place near the sidewalk that was struggling to thrive. It seemed to be a favorite spot for everyone’s dog to take a leak – yes, dog urine will destroy your grass. I put a ‘please don’t let your dog pee here’ sign in the area.
When I eat breakfast in the morning it isn’t hard for me to see what’s going on outside – a man walking his dog allows his pet to sniff the sign and pee right on it.
I walked outside to confront the guy and give him basically a ‘really?!
right on the sign, that’s asking you not to do the thing you’re doing’. His response: ‘oh please, this isn’t a big deal’. The next day – the same exact thing happens. Him: ‘Screw you, leave me alone, you’re bullying me – don’t you have anything better to do.’ The third (and mildly funny) encounter – he’s walking past our yard, my 5-year-old daughter sees this and tells him not to let the dog go in the yard.
Thankfully, he didn’t say anything to her and just kept walking.
My wife is uncomfortable and wants to extend an olive branch, also my daughter made an ‘I’m Sorry’ card in crayons for him. He yells at my wife and continues to claim he’s the victim in all of this.
30ish minutes later the guy comes knocking with a Starbucks gift card in hand and he apologizes to my wife. I walk over and shake hands in a ‘let’s just be cool’ sort of gesture. Time goes on, no issues for a while.
Fast forward a year – the grass is looking PLUSH. Now the original ‘guy’ walks with a group of people and they’re going 4 dogs deep – as I’m eating breakfast, I see them letting their dogs pee in the yard but I let it go.
The guy even waves at me from outside on occasion… could be friendly, but it seriously felt like taunting.
So, one morning, I’m out getting the paper and watching the dogs pee in my yard. To which I say, ‘hey man, we’ve been here before… could you please, PLEASE not let your dogs go here’… ‘MY DOGS AREN’T PEEING IN YOUR YARD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!’
This continues to happen, I strategically turn my sprinklers on to indicate to him to stop. He then leaves a poo-filled bag on top of my trash can… I deliver the bag back to his house. He comes to my house late at night, flips off my door cam, and slams down a letter on my doorstep.
This letter is LONG and weird… he tries to psycho-analyze me, says it’s no wonder my wife left me (she hasn’t by the way), and claims that I’m bullying him and that he is, STILL, somehow being victimized by me.
Is it that hard to walk in a way that doesn’t allow your dogs in my yard? Can’t you just walk on the other side of the street, or another street completely? I really don’t get it, but am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It looks like this ride’s going downhill, like it or not, so document everything, record EVERYTHING and get LE involved.” RDT64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I recommend building a fence or he’ll just keep letting this happen.
I bet he doesn’t actually know what urine does to a lawn and thinks you’re just upset because you think pee’s gross.” Goeppertia_Insignis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like you need a fence around the front. Does your area allow that?
Or, you should pee on his lawn daily. See how he likes it.” sandithepirate
13. AITJ For Not Eating The Food My Sisters Cooked?
“I (14F) have three younger sisters (11yrs, 11yrs, 1yr). My aunt is in the military and was deployed to Germany a few months ago. She has guardianship over my cousin (11yrs), but since she isn’t in the country, my mom has guardianship over her for the time being.
I consider her a sister.
Before I begin to explain what happened, I will tell you that I am not a picky eater. If you offer me food, I will not complain about it, and I will gladly take it.
Yesterday, my twin sisters and my cousin made dinner: pasta and garlic bread. The pasta was already done, and we were just waiting on the garlic bread. I was thirsty, so I went to the kitchen to get myself some water, but when I walked in I saw my cousin eating some pasta right out of the pot with her bare hands.
When I asked her what she was doing, she told me that my sisters had done the same thing, and they were just ‘tasting’ it. I was already having a bad day, so I didn’t say anything. I got my water, walked out of the kitchen, and locked myself in my room to avoid an outburst.
When the food was ready, one of my sisters told me to come out and eat, but I refused. When she asked why, I told her that I didn’t want to eat food that their hands have been in, and I lost my appetite.
She made the argument that she washed her hands, but I still refused, because there were two other people that stuck their hands in the food and I didn’t know if they washed their hands. My mom found no problem with the fact that they ate pasta out of the pot.
Fast forward to this morning, and the three of them are asking me ‘Why didn’t you eat the food last night? It was delicious’, even though they already know the answer. Now I feel like I should have just eaten the food last night, even though they could have just taken a fork to taste it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
This seems a bit picky and germophobic to me, but you get to have your boundaries. You could have perhaps mitigated any perceived risk by putting the pasta over steam, in the microwave, etc. Maybe it was more a psychological thing than a health concern.
In any case, I can’t call your refusal to eat a jerk move.
Your sisters could develop more hygienic habits, but they’re kids. I hope they understood and weren’t too disappointed, but this is on them, too.
Make this a learning experience.
Help them improve, and don’t kill their willingness to cook. I don’t know if they regularly cook, but you don’t want to shut down productive behaviors or healthy interests.” ProbablyLongComment
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should learn not to do that.
I don’t think you would’ve gotten sick because if they, for example, handed you a cookie you probably would’ve eaten it but when you cook you are responsible for safety. It grossed you out so you opted out.
It’s not a big deal.” WoofingtonSpiff
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but YTJ… If your fam was telling the truth about ‘clean hands’.
Hands are the most important utensil in a kitchen. Yes, maybe hands in a commercial kitchen wear gloves but I doubt most home kitchens (including the one you grew up in) wear them, and they have tasted many kinds of pasta, sauces, etc over the years.
Grasp your pearls in angst, but this is how a true family kitchen works.” ThymesToddler
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, but you’re really uptight about food. I can PROMISE you that what you eat at restaurants is definitely handled at some point with bare hands.
I’ve cooked for friends/family countless times and I’ve used my hands to taste along with the same spoon after seasoning to taste again.” SelfStudy657
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom My Aunt And Uncle Neglected My Sisters?
“I (17F) live with my parents, grandparents, two uncles, and their wives and kids. I went to a very busy fair with one of my aunts (who is 8 months pregnant) and her 2 daughters (ages 8, 10) and my sister (age 11).
Everything was fine until we came across my other aunt and uncle (who are not liked by my pregnant aunt). They tempted my sisters into going to the swing section with them. There was no reason to decline as they lived with us and the dislike towards them was the unspoken type.
I didn’t go as I was helping my very pregnant aunt.
Sometime later we went to the food court and I called my uncle so that I could order food for my sisters. He said, ‘oh we left them at the swing area’.
Both I and my aunt started freaking out as this fair was not very safe, especially for unattended young girls. I ran around for 20 minutes trying to find them and thank God they were safe and sound.
After returning home I told everything to my mom who was enraged and confront the reckless couple.
My mom forbids me and my sister to ever go anywhere with them. This started a fight between everyone involved. I do feel guilty for fighting as everyone has stopped talking to each other. My grandmother kinda blamed me and said that I misunderstood my uncle and aunt’s intentions and overreacted. I am now doubting if I should have even said something and I created such a messy situation over nothing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being scapegoated, don’t accept it. They were the ones who abandoned two children at a public event. Not you. Your aunt and uncle are GROWN PEOPLE and should know better than to leave children unattended. And they seemed pretty ‘oh well’ about it when they admitted it at the time, and only got annoyed when they got called out for it, which is really immature behavior of an adult.
You did the right thing by speaking up about it. Don’t let anyone blame you or make you feel guilty for their actions.” shaytan124
Another User Comments:
“Your grandma is full of bologna! What was not understood? That they don’t give a rat’s butt what happens to your siblings?
Ask her to explain what was not understood. She should know much better at her age. You are not to blame. Now your siblings will be protected from that nonsense. I’m not even fond of being around kids but I’d never walk away from them and leave them to fend for themselves.
NTJ.” WoofingtonSpiff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told your mom who had every right to know what happened to her children. She is the one that chose to escalate. Your aunt and uncle put your sisters in a very dangerous situation especially if they had no way of contacting an adult.
The only jerks here are your aunt and uncle for abandoning kids they volunteered to watch.” Pandagirl302
11. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Give Us Some Privacy?
“So I, (teenage male) was at a friend’s house for a birthday party playing video games, there were 5 of us (teenage males) and my friend’s parents also invited my mother over to have a chat.
We go out to the table to eat dessert, my mother is sitting at the table while my friend’s mother was in the kitchen getting dessert ready.
Us boys would usually have a really good conversation, and my mother sitting at the table just made everything awkward as we couldn’t have our own conversation.
I proceeded to politely ask her to move away from the table while we were there and to sit at another empty table (the other empty table would have been too small for us 5 boys to sit at) so we could have our own conversation, although she refused as she claimed that ‘she was there first’ and how it ‘wasn’t my place to say it in someone else’s house’.
I thought to myself that she could have the common courtesy to move away and chat with my friend’s mother at a different table temporarily so my friends and I can have a private conversation and one that also isn’t awkward.
We ended up eating in silence and my mother started to talk about things that have no relevance to us teenage boys which made me very angry (I did not show any emotion), as we just sat there in silence eating as quick as we could so we could get out of this awkward situation.
When I got home, my mother was furious at me for calling her out to move away from the table in front of all my friends, she said it wasn’t my place to say that as it ‘wasn’t my house’ and that she ‘was at the table first’.
I believed that I was in the right, as I proceeded to explain to her that she was making everything awkward and how it would only be common courtesy to move away from the table and chat with her friend at a different table so that we boys could have our own conversation without it being awkward, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You need to read a book or ten on manners. Common courtesy doesn’t entitle a larger group to displace a smaller group that’s already involved in doing something. It’s common courtesy in a restaurant where you seat yourself to choose a table that’s appropriately sized for your party and needs.
If a larger party politely requests that you move because there’s no other space for them and there is space for you elsewhere then it’s gracious for you to give it up and move but you aren’t obligated to do so.
You’re being extra polite and generous by moving, and the party doing the asking has ZERO expectation of being granted their request.
If they ask, the larger party has a place they can sit elsewhere but they want this spot ‘just because’ they’re being shockingly rude.
It’s expected that you do not ask unless there’s genuinely no suitable alternative.
Also: those rules apply to PUBLIC spaces. Your friend’s home? His parent’s rules.” toketsupuurin
Another User Comments:
“Common courtesy wouldn’t have been for her to move it would have been for you boys to include her in a conversation that would last all of five minutes.
What were you guys so pressed to talk about that she couldn’t hear anyways? She, like you, was an invited guest and had every right to sit at a table. You fostered an awkward environment and quite honestly it’d probably do you all good to practice how to make polite chitchat with a woman or maneuver an awkward moment because both will happen in life.
YTJ, please apologize to your mom.” Tasman_Tiger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were incredibly rude to your mother. It’s just common courtesy that if you sit at a table where another person is seated, you ask if you can join them before being seated yourself.
You don’t tell your mother to move out of her seat where she is already sitting down and having a conversation with someone else. You and your friends can hold your Super Secret Boy Conversation somewhere else if you don’t want your mother to hear it.” Maxwyfe
10. AITJ For Not Doing My Laundry?
“There are four of us in the house. With my schedule, I get up at 7 am and get home at around 7 pm, have dinner and then go to bed as I’m usually exhausted. Because of this I only wash my clothes on the weekends usually Saturdays.
Three of us go to our respective jobs and one person Lila stays at home due to being unable to work.
Since being at home Lila does the three of ours washing and bits around the house and gets exhausted from it.
I told Lila that I’m grateful for them doing my washing but they can leave it for me and they can instead do other things they enjoy. Lila said it’s grand as it gives them something to do.
Today Mia told me Lila did my washing and bits around the house and is overworked and shouldn’t have to do our washing.
I said that she doesn’t have to do it as I will do it. Mia snapped at me and asked in a snide tone ‘When?’ I said on the weekend. She said that I should’ve done it yesterday.
Yesterday I got home, ate dinner and went to bed and was going to do it on the weekend.
Mia snapped saying ‘This conversation is over as you’re just getting upset.’ I would do my own washing and bits around the house but it is usually all done while I’m at work.
How am I meant to ‘pull my weight’ if it is done before I get the chance to do it?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s weird that Lila even took it upon herself to do everyone’s laundry anyway. Then to complain about it is even weirder, especially after you specifically told her she didn’t have to do it.
When you choose to wash your clothes is none of their concern – if you want to wash your clothes once a month, you’re the one with no clean clothes, what does it matter to them? Do you keep your dirty clothes on the floor of a shared space or something?
Unless your pile of dirty clothes affects them, it’s weird that they even care.
Tell Lila (& the rest of your roommates while you’re at it) to not touch your clothing & they have nothing to worry about.
Do your laundry every Saturday or whenever & everyone moves on with their life.
Honestly, this is a weird argument to even be in.” StreetNext5958
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Mia had already judged and finalized the conversation with you in her mind before even asking or discussing anything with you or knowing the facts.
It’s very ‘clothes’ minded of her, lol. You had told Lila she didn’t have to do your laundry already and she continued doing it anyways as she wanted to. Also, doing your laundry on the weekend, especially when dealing with work schedules, is 1000% normal. You don’t have to follow someone else’s made-up schedule.
Mia is the major jerk here.” PuertoRicoRules
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here. What I will say is there needs to be clear and concise communication on the subject of housework.
Make a calendar and or list about who does what each day and week if need be.
Just plan it out. If you work 12 hours and can only help on weekends you can do your days on Sat and Sunday. Mia on Monday and Wednesday. Lisa Tuesday and Thursday. Friday can be a day to relax.” JacobNewblood
9. WIBTJ For Trying To Find A Different Friend Group?
“I (16F) have recently been making a few friends outside my regular ‘friend group’ (all 16F).
I have been getting closer to what you could call the smart kids, it’s not like it was a calculated move but rather that I started talking to one of them and a friendship naturally formed.
Now the problem is, my regular friends don’t like the smart kids, I don’t know why but apparently the smart kids seem ‘arrogant’ to them.
I have told them that that’s not true and that they are actually really sweet but all they say is ‘yeah but I don’t know’ and change the subject. The thing is, I would genuinely love to be friends with the smart kids cause they are genuinely nice and their goals align with mine i.e getting into a decent college, I don’t wanna sound mean but my regular friend group is not that invested in studying and mostly just lounge around.
I have started hanging with the smart kids as they too genuinely like me and we have all become actual friends to the point where we coordinate class timings, but one of my friends in the reg group doesn’t like this and says that I have ‘abandoned them for the smart kids’ even though that’s not true, I still talk and hang out with them.
I have been thinking of a serious change after this entire thing, WIBTJ? and if not how to go about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can be friends with whoever you like. All that matters is that you are happy.
If your older friend group is treating you poorly, is being overly judgmental of what they perceive as a flaw in another group, and are frankly being rude, I would honestly ask why you were still friends with them. This group doesn’t sound like the type of people you should be associating with.
If your goals are not aligned and they aren’t adding value to your life, you are NTJ for changing friend groups.” PuertoRicoRules
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your first friend group sounds toxic, your new one sounds good.
They claim they are arrogant but when challenged about it, go yeah but I don’t care?!?
They know they aren’t arrogant, they are making excuses to be jerks to them (whether through jealousy because they know the smart ones will probably be successful and they themselves won’t, or just thinking they are the cool kids and above the smart dorks, I don’t know.)” Admirable-Marsupial3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while the whole high-school cliches things suck in general, it would not be your fault for simply finding like-minded friends and wanting to hang out with them, regardless of their smarts and plans.
Your original group though sounds like the jerk, in the situation of trying to control who you make friends with despite it being literally none of their business who you decide to make friends with, nor would it even matter to them in the long run of things.” RaptorMom8
8. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner Over His Streaming?
“My partner streams at night, and last night before he streamed he asked me if I wanted to spend time with him after. We agreed on 11:10 pm as the time for him to end and for us to spend time together.
He then sends a message that says ‘When you get back, I’ll end stream at around 11:10 pm.’
Come 11:10 pm I get back, and he’s still streaming. I message him saying I’m back, and he says ‘Okie sweet one minute.’
He then ends the stream and calls at 11:15 pm, but I don’t pick up.
I am now angry with him for not ending at the time he said that he would. I argue with him about it, and it gets to the point where I’m crying my eyes out and screaming at him and he seems to just shut down and not respond lovingly anymore.
He says he’s tired and doesn’t know what else to say.
He very clearly agreed that at exactly 11:10 he would be ending the stream. He then changes it to make it so that I have to say ‘I’m back’ and I don’t want to do that because I feel bad for making him end his stream.
He’s said to me multiple times that he is sorry, and that he wishes I would care more about spending time together than a few minutes of difference.
But he clearly agreed to a time and did not obey it.
Am I the jerk for holding him to his word?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say that yes you are the jerk. Not giving him 5 minutes to end the stream and say goodbye to his friends or letting him finish the game he’s almost done with is selfish and petty.
When you texted him he still prioritized you by finishing up with what he was doing to spend time with you, and you responded with yelling and screaming because of 5 lousy minutes. I think you blew this whole situation out of proportion because of a few minutes where the rest of his night is spent with you.” Ferox127
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when you agree to do something at X time both should be ready at that time. He could have easily said goodbye to people at 11 and been ready for 11:10. However you will find in life some people believe showing up late shows disrespect and that they don’t care and others believe a few mins (or more) doesn’t matter.
Honestly, this sounds like a compatibility question. Based on his response he clearly has no plans to change so you have to decide if you can live with it.” helendawkins
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 5 minutes and you scream at him and cry your eyes out?
That’s way over the top.
Perhaps the problem is deeper than this one instance, in which case you have a rational adult conversation with him. Screaming and crying your eyes out, while cathartic, is not an effective way to communicate.” Aylauria
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Half-Brother About My Pregnancy?
“I (17F) am 5 months pregnant. Most of my family is aware as well as my partner’s (16M) family. Yes, we’re too young but we’ve already created our plans with the help of his parents and my dad. Anyways, my older half-brother (38M) is the only one I don’t want to know, the reason being his habits.
My half-brother has always been dependent on my mom to support him and when she passed he went off the chain trying to find pity and someone else to support him.
I know I make this sound bad but he’s been arrested for using illegal substances and can’t find a stable job.
He makes these talks about how he wants to be clean and when asked if he’s checked out a certain rehab he’ll make excuses. His addiction has gotten to the point where his 10-year-old son sees it and doesn’t want to stay with him for that reason.
The reason I don’t want him to know about my pregnancy is because 1. He’ll make a big scene and get wasted and start talking about this being a mistake or something and I don’t need nor want to hear it from him considering he can’t even take care of his son and he gives the WORST advice (He told me to stop crying for my mom the day she died after we went out to eat something and I felt sick to my stomach after the funeral so I didn’t order anything and he said to be grateful that I still have my dad.) 2.
He’ll want to be a part of my son’s life and I don’t want to allow that knowing he’s still doing illegal stuff because I don’t want my son being exposed to that at a young age. 3. It’s been about 5 years since the last time he’s bathed or brushed his teeth.
I know this because he was living with my grandma and depended on her paying the bills for him to be able to survive. She passed away in 2017 and left the house in the hands of my uncles and brother.
The youngest uncle (40M) has some debt with the water department and can’t afford to turn the water on in his name, the oldest uncle (52M) says the electricity is already in his name, and my brother simply refuses to turn anything on in his name.
He then uses the excuse that there is no water at his house to take care of his hygiene. When the youngest uncle has taken care of his hygiene by asking to shower at some friends’ houses or by going to the laundromat to wash his clothes because he can’t stand the idea of being dirty.
My brother just hates the idea of water in general and I can’t have him touching my baby if he refuses to shower. But my dad has told me he should at least know that I’m pregnant and I simply refuse to tell him until he cleans up his act.
I don’t have anything against him I just don’t like what he does or that he brings it around his son. I don’t like how he makes up excuses for not being able to take responsibility. I have to talk to him about cleaning up and showering but every time the conversation is brought up he says that I stink and just drowns out what I say by yelling about why he is the way he is (which is usually blame towards my dad (his stepdad) and my uncle.) AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You decide when to tell, and who to tell, period. You don’t even need to give reasons. This is part of being a mom: this child’s life is in your hands, the buck stops with you when it comes to taking care of and protecting your son, and you need to listen to your instincts and trust them.
That process of learning to trust your gut begins now. Don’t let anyone convince you to do something that you don’t feel is right. ‘My child, my choice,’ is all you need to say.” ImSoTiredReallyIAm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to decide how you want to share the news of your pregnancy. You don’t need any additional stress from the drama. Tell your dad and get him to go along with you.
You sound like you are really thinking things through and planning to take the best care you can of your child.
You have the right to establish the rules around your kid and your boundaries as a parent. Make your plan, and communicate that to your Dad and whoever else needs to know. And then enforce it. Your brother does not sound like someone you need to have around your child.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Addiction is often an uphill battle, but if he’s unwilling to even try by at the very least considering rehab, especially given that he has a young son, he isn’t entitled to excuses for his behavior.
Also thinking about your baby’s health when it comes to his hygiene is a logical move on your part, given how vulnerable they are to illness from even small things, like a peck on the mouth.” selenethemoontitan
6. AITJ For Going Out After Calling In Sick?
“I (18f) have been struggling with my mental health since a young teen, this week has been one of the hardest I’ve ever experienced. I work weekends in a pub and I honestly couldn’t mentally handle work for the night so I called in sick.
We had a family engagement party at a different pub on the same night and my mum told me I had to go since getting out with my cousins always makes me feel better but I’ve already called in sick and I know how bad it looks for me to call in and then go to the pub for drinks.
I feel so bad about it because I know that there are other staff members who genuinely needed the night off but they have to go in but I got it off bc I couldn’t hack work today, my boss will never understand that though.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You clearly understand that going out after calling in sick is not good. As someone with depression, I do sympathize though, and blaming yourself and feeling guilty about it will only make you more likely to feel overwhelmed and unable to go to work again.
If you can, I found it helped more to engage in a longer-term treatment plan guided by a professional like counseling or medication, rather than short-term distractions. Not trying to tell you what to do or force your feelings into a mold, just offering suggestions.” Literalliterary42
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s fine to want a day off but that is when you can request a personal day in advance for events. An engagement party isn’t a spontaneous event, they usually plan one a week or so in advance.
You could have requested it off in advance so they had time to schedule someone. By calling in sick at the last minute they had to call other people that possibly already had plans to cover. Yes that’s life and it happens but it should only happen if someone is actually sick or if they have a family emergency of some kind.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While yes, you do have a right to call in sick for mental health purposes, you should never call in sick just so you can go drinking or to an event, you should’ve requested time off ahead of time.
Someone had to take your shift, and this could affect you years later if you want to apply for another job.
I would also like to add that going drinking while you struggle with mental health is not something I’d recommend since liquor is a known depressant.
For the sake of your well-being, I do recommend looking into therapy, taking up some hobbies (yoga, meditation, art, etc.) and the next time this happens, just say no.” mangaguitar96
I agree both that appearances can be tricky to manage and that alcohol isn't often a great match with depression, so if another activity could provide a lift I'd suggest an alternative, but if the choices are to skip both work and party and stay home wallowing in dysfunction or spend some time with family that makes you feel more human, connected, and positive, the choice seems clear even if it looks s****y from the outside.
(That's an important 'if' though - if your depression is such that you will also spend the party feeling anxious and s****y, maybe it's not worth risking people from your job misunderstanding your decisions and you should just 'recharge' at home...)
5. AITJ For Calling My Roommate Out?
“Been having some roommate issues. In short, it seemed like he would do less than the bare minimum in cleaning up mutual things. He’d do his things but not mine even though that was the agreement (we take turns but do both our stuff – the only thing we really do is empty dishes and clean up the counter.
No vacuum, sweep, etc).
Lately, I have been doing it several times in a row. He did before a couple of times still, but without any effort. Like emptying the dishes but putting them all in the wrong spot, which is actually farther from the correct spot.
Extra frustrating bc I even gave him more of the kitchen space so if my things are in the wrong spot, I can’t really fit all my things.
I playfully called him out and said something like ‘bro didn’t you call me out for doing the same thing?’ He asked what and I explained. Then he freaked out and said something like ‘I’m tired of this nonsense, I’ve done it the last 5 times.
let’s talk about it later’. I was a bit shocked and said fine I’ll be back in a few hours. He said that doesn’t work and I asked if he is going out. He said no, he is just busy.
And he was definitely there when I got back. All of this happened IN FRONT OF A FEW OF OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS!
When I get back, some of my lights in the common space were on (which is fine for him to use – I’ve only called him out for leaving lights/tv on if he isn’t using it).
He had the lights on this horrendous flashing white light which hurts your eyes and could literally give someone a seizure.
I was a bit freaked out and oddly relieved bc this was so childish and kinda just proved my point and that it’s not all in my head.
(though he’s proven me right in the past).
I go straight to my room and left it on. A few hours later I turn it off. The whole time he is in his room with the lights on for a while.
Then I go to bed but can’t sleep well. Somewhat don’t even feel safe there anymore.
The next day I get back from work and the gym. As soon as I walk in he confronts me. He’s fine at first and mentions that he wants to talk to me NOT about the previous day/lights thing.
But about me ‘spreading rumors’ or something. I haven’t spread any rumors. I have mentioned frustrations based on factual events/my feelings over the recent events. I also talked to a mutual friend I trust who used to live with my roommate and they are great friends.
I was essentially asking if the things he is doing are cultural or if he ever had to deal with it because I am finding it mentally stressing and exhausting but don’t want to call him out if it’s normal for him (I kinda felt some things he did just to annoy me.)
I basically said to this ‘I am done talking about this after last night. There’s nothing more to say.’ I think when he kept insisting I said we can talk about it later but not positive. He responded saying fine ‘let’s break the lease then’ and got pretty upset and was kind of yelling when I refused to talk.
He also kinda made a voice and mocked me on one thing minor.
So am I the jerk for calling my roommate out and for asking a mutual friend for advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He can’t control who you talk to.
But this sounds like it’s going to carry on escalating. Maybe consider writing a roommate agreement, so you’re both clear about expectations and boundaries.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you guys aren’t compatible roommates. Until the lease is up make an agreement up.
You are free to ask anyone you want for advice, he has no control over that.” DeepFudge9235
4. WIBTJ If I Refused To Share My Butter With My Roommate?
“My friend bought me this huge container of butter that’s maybe 3 or 4 times the size of a normal one from Costco. You know, the wholesale store. I’ve used like maybe a spoonful or less for breakfast every morning.
It’s been a week and a half maybe. My roommate/landlord has used it maybe 3 or 4 times (which I normally wouldn’t mind, she shares food with me) but at least 3/4 of the container is gone. Would I be wrong if I took the butter from the main fridge and put it in my mini fridge?
What would I do if confronted? There’s no way you need that much butter. And no way to use that much unless you’re literally using a spatula full every single time. She shared with me, but I’m just one person.
For her, it’s her, her partner, and two kids. I don’t think it’s the same.
There’s also an instance where her kids used all my milk, she said she’d replace it but never would. My friend bought me the milk I needed and she even tried to lie and pass it off as if she bought it.
She shared groceries with me a little because she gets 1200 in food stamps and even asked me not to apply for food stamps because they would lower hers. She’s only gotten me groceries once, and I didn’t even ask for much.
It was also very hard to get her to get them, and only really fulfilled her promise after I shared my medication with her. It’s very hard for her to come through with things but always wants me to come through.
I also took the butter, but I also feel like a jerk. She’s said she’s going to take me with her grocery shopping next week, but I don’t really have that much faith in her because she never comes through.
Food insecurity is very scary for me, and I don’t really have that much budget. Feedback, anyone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally, would have confronted her on the butter usage. Also, everything that is happening here is a giant red flag.
You need to move. I would never want to live with my landlord and in this case, this person and the family are acting like a bunch of jerks. It’s up to you to set boundaries. If you need and qualify for food stamps and food insecurity for you is real, you need to apply.
Hers being reduced is not your problem. That’s messed up. You should suffer so I don’t? No way.” Thart85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But please don’t share medication. Your doctor will be monitoring you for side effects, but hers will not and it will not be in her health history in case issues later develop.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should apply for food stamps if you are eligible. If that impacts her, that isn’t your problem. You have to be able to feed yourself too.” Aylauria
3. AITJ For Not Choosing My Kids Over Work?
“My wife and I are divorcing and she has taken our kids and moved an hour and a half away.
I get the kids every other weekend.
It all started this past easter weekend. I was supposed to have our kids but got sick and had to isolate, and therefore could not have them over because she couldn’t drop them off.
All was okay until she asked me to take care of them this week after the long weekend because she was starting a new job. I need to make it clear here that I have told her before that this week is a bad one as I have meetings at work which I can’t move.
This was before she knew she would be working and only an issue as the kids had the week off school.
I told her that it would be impossible for me to make a plan at such short notice, but that I would happily have the kids on Tuesday and Wednesday.
That was okay with her at that point and I had the kids. We were planning that I had the kids again this weekend, but this morning I was still sick and could not pick them up. She was not willing to drop them off so now they will stay with her.
She is now saying that I am putting work first and could have had the kids this whole week as well as the weekend. That I am not respecting her and nor willing to compromise. I am feeling guilty, but also feel that I can’t just drop work, etc. on short notice to help her, especially if I have important projects and meetings going on.
I have to state that it was never planned for me to have the kids this week and I feel she just used the chance because I did not end up having them over easter. She says I could have taken off due to being sick, which I did on Tuesday and Wednesday.
I am feeling better and it would not be right to lie about it to skip work and accommodate her.
Am I the jerk for not compromising at short notice to help her?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it sounds like just a schedule s******p that couldn’t have been avoided. You didn’t know you’d get sick, she didn’t know she’d have a new job.
Would it be nice if you could push a little harder to adjust your work schedule this one time since your illness also impacted her schedule? Yeah, but it’s okay if you don’t feel your work situation can tolerate that.
If you’re on good terms, maybe offer to take the kids and (with her permission) pay for a sitter while you’re working? Or offer to help her pay to have someone watch them at her place while she works?” erikarew
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She parented your children all weekend because you had an illness. It’s likely that changed her plans, including any prep to start a new job. You’re insisting that her parenting time is obligatory, while your time is optional and can change due to circumstance.” madelinegumbo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it would serve you well to not do any more favors taking the kids on non-court-ordered days. That solves the issues you’re having now. Take them the days you are ordered to and she can figure out the rest. The guilt trips are childish on her part because you won’t step in and save the day.
Her scheduling issues are not your problem anymore.” mo8414
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You both need to discuss care plans for all the times when the kids are off school and you both are working during the day.
You need a caregiver that can be home with them either at her place or your place.
You both knew the kids were off school for a week. Once you were diagnosed you needed to arrange a backup care plan.” Allimack
2. AITJ For Not Going To My Cousin's Wedding?
“I’m from India. The general sentiment is family is above all, you must forgive and forget everything in the name of shared b***d. I am 25, NB. Cousin A (29/30m), and cousin B (24f) are mostly present in this incident.
My cousin B and I are only 9 months apart and were very fond of cousin A when we were kids. He was our hero when we were growing up. But then we grew up, and he turned out to be a very different person, he’s casteist (for the lack of better words, the closest comparison I can draw for people who don’t know – imagine him to be white and us to be black, and then imagine him to be extremely racist. Exactly that way.), homophobic, mooched off my dad’s wealth, and yet keeps disrespecting my family for various reasons, including but not limited to – our caste, the fact I do not have a job right now, has subtly hinted at outing me in front of extended family who is super religious and conservative, and has berated my younger sister for not remembering a holiday of a national hero because he thinks we are ‘too westernized’ because my sister and I speak three languages fluently, while he speaks only one, I could go on.
Anyway, arranged marriages are a thing and he’s getting married tonight. Invitations here are sent to the head of the family (my dad in this case, even though I live by myself at the moment) and everyone in the family is invited. I rescued a cat a month ago and after looking for its owner for a while, I have officially adopted her.
She’s getting her shots but they’re not done yet and no creche would keep her until she has gotten her shots. I never meant to go anyway, but knew I would be forced to, so my new cat was the perfect excuse.
This morning cousin B texts and basically goes off on me saying how I do not care for the family at all, choosing a ‘stray’ over family and a lot more, even suggests I bring my baby there – a 7-8 hour ride in a guest house, no rooms would be cat-proof and the heat is insane, today it was 104°F at its coolest, even though she knows most of the things he has done, but she just overlooks.
I was also ‘politely’ told by others that this is why I’m the outcast and would probably end up alone, which really stung because same-sex marriage is still illegal here and I have been wondering if I should have just gone for a day, keeping my hurt aside, because it’s his big day.
Also, before anyone asks why I can’t tell everyone in the family about these reasons – we’re a very traditional country and most of my family would agree with him, and the backlash would fall on my parents saying they did not raise me properly, because my mother has a job instead of being a stay-at-home mother and the sorts, and I don’t want that.”
Another User Comments:
“I think that not wanting to attend someone’s wedding because they treated you and your family like crap is valid. It gets more complicated when you start to use an excuse though but I think I can understand where you’re coming from.
Especially since your culture takes these kinds of things seriously, it can be hard to find a reason that would be accepted by your family.
NTJ” crazycamii
Another User Comments:
“I think you just don’t want to attend the wedding of someone who treated you badly.
I understand with your culture this isn’t something you can say outright and there’s no win in your situation.
No jerks here.” aggresivepotatoboy
Another User Comments:
“I think NTJ, you do not want to go. I see the cultural differences from where I live but I still feel there is no reason to put yourself through that.
It sounds like you will not be doing an arranged marriage yourself so you are, in effect, out of that system. I don’t think there is any reason for you to be alone your whole life but you may have to reconcile with not having many relationships with your relatives.” ServelanDarrow
1. AITJ For Being Upset That I Wasn't Included In Something I Didn't Even Want To Participate In?
“I’ve been working at the same office for about 3 years now, I get along with everyone and haven’t had any issues until recently. We had a new receptionist start about a year ago, everyone loves her, she’s kind and funny and always creates fun holiday-themed parties for anyone to participate in.
I should note that I don’t participate in these parties.
Over the course of her first few months with us, a few holidays had passed, and with each holiday she would kindly wish me (and everyone she encountered) a happy (insert holiday here)!
I do not celebrate holidays, or birthdays, it’s not how I was raised. With that, I politely let her know one holiday that I actually don’t celebrate holidays so there’s no need to wish me a happy (holiday). She didn’t take this personally or anything and simply obliged by no longer wishing me a happy (holiday).
Now to the problem, Easter just passed, and like with every other major holiday she created an Easter-centric party for us. She sent out an email to let everyone know when it was going to be etc. as per usual. Except I wasn’t included in the email as I normally would have been.
This bummed me out a bit and made me feel excluded, I took it up with her manager.
Today she confronted me saying that she didn’t include me in the email because she took my telling her that she didn’t need to wish me a happy holiday as my not being interested in any holidays period and she didn’t want to offend me.
She went on to say that I could have talked to her directly about it instead of going over her head. This made me feel like I may be the jerk, especially since my point wasn’t about actually wanting to participate in the party just being excluded. I’ve been working at the same office for about 3 years now, I get along with everyone and haven’t had any issues until recently.
We had a new receptionist start about a year ago, everyone loves her, she’s kind and funny and always creates fun holiday-themed parties for anyone to participate in. I should note that I don’t participate in these parties.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People have wished me happy Diwali, Eid Mubarak, alongside happy Easter, merry Christmas, happy Halloween… I celebrate some of these, but not all. I’ve never told someone not to wish me a happy holiday. That’s just rude! You don’t celebrate them, that’s ok.
But can’t you appreciate their intention to be kind, welcoming, and inclusive?
So to actually tell a person to stop wishing you a happy holiday must make them think that you’re offended by the occasion. They respect what you’ve said and then don’t want to offend you further by actually requesting you to participate in a holiday-based party.
And that’s apparently the wrong thing for them to have done? And then you involve the workplace in this? This is just a person trying to be nice! Say sorry.” Just-Collar-5517
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Alright, so you’re saying you never attend parties and told the party planner ‘hey I don’t celebrate holidays’… did it occur to you that maybe she saw you not attending, and took your comment to mean that you were offended by being invited to begin with?
Then of all things, after going to her the first time and not the manager with that comment… you went above her head without management knowing you said the initial comment and said you were the only one not invited. If I was her I would genuinely assume you were out to get me fired and in trouble on purpose.
It’s also worth mentioning that you feeling left out and excluded from an invite, and still not planning to attend doesn’t feel right to me. You shouldn’t be seeking validation through office party invites you don’t attend; and if deep down you want to go, you absolutely should regardless of your beliefs or upbringing.
Holidays are mostly just a good excuse to spend time with people anyway.” CptBickDalls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I also don’t celebrate these holidays. I don’t expect to be included in the celebrations, or emails about the celebrations.
However, if I wanted to, I guess I would have approached her and asked if it would be ok to join in even though you aren’t celebrating. She likely would have explained herself to you and you could have reassured her you see it was a miscommunication and would still like to come.
However, I don’t get what the issue is if you don’t actually want to go.
Doing it the way you did gives the impression you think it’s a deliberate act of exclusion rather than a misunderstanding, and she likely feels hurt that you thought that of her and possibly humiliated by having her boss bring it to her attention.
Plus it’s super confusing why you can’t let people who do a certain thing have their own group about the thing without feeling they will have to accommodate you looking over their shoulder.” JWJulie
