People Disclose Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories To Us
26. AITJ For Refusing To Live With My Son According To His Conditions?
“I (32M) just found out I had a son 3 months ago. He is 11 and is currently living with his grandparents.
I met his mom in college, we slept together like 3 times (we never had a relationship). I flew to the Netherlands where I met my current spouse, we’ve been married for 5 years now.
In October 2021 a friend of ours told me that this girl died due to Apoplexy. I felt sorry for her since she was not too much older than me.
Her mom contacted me while I was back in my country to let me know this child was mine, and explained that her daughter got pregnant but she didn’t say anything because I’d just left, so I requested a DNA test (I was aware I had slept with her) and he is 100% my son, so I was shocked but happy, but worried, all at the same time.
So I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he didn’t know me and all I was good for was to pay child support, so I respected his choice and started paying.
In January (after 3 weeks of our arrangement) he called me to tell me he changed his mind and wanted to live with me.
I knew this was gonna be difficult but said yes. My husband supported me and was willing to adopt him (His legal dad was willing to give up his parental rights) but the condition was that we had to stay in my country (I live in the Netherlands) because he wanted to be near his grandparents but I said that wasn’t possible because my life is in the Netherlands but he refused so we agreed that I’d only pay child support and had the right to visit to create a bond gradually.
8 days ago he called me (I’m at home) to say that he wanted to live with me and had the right to but demanded it must be in his/my country. More recently (like 4 days ago) he told me he was willing to move to the Netherlands but I said NO because I didn’t know if this would work even if he decided to come here because he has been throwing some homophobic comments and sent me some bible verses about being gay (his grandparents are religious and homophobic).
He and his GP have been calling me every day to remind me that this is my responsibility and I can’t ‘cowardly run away from it like before’. I was excited about the idea at the beginning but then he started doing these things. I mean he’s old enough to know when he hurts someone.
I can’t move to my country because gay marriage isn’t allowed and we are expecting a child that will be delivered in 5 months. If we go there our family won’t be safe, and even if he moves here I don’t know if it would work because of his hate speech.
They’ve called me a jerk for refusing.
My parents said I’m a terrible father because I’m ‘picking my new family over my bio son’ and even threw the comment ‘The new one isn’t even yours’. (it’s my partner’s DNA) So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ. You didn’t just abandon this kid. His mom never told you he existed. His grandparents didn’t notify you until you were in the country.
If he wants to live with you he will have to move. Sucks for him but you’re literally married and have a life in another country. You say your country doesn’t allow gay marriage so it’s not even a safe country for you. The kid not understanding all this is normal but his grandparents and your family are jerks for the way they are acting.” Present_History2353
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The 11-year-old doesn’t get to dictate the terms of moving in with you. If as you say, he’s now willing to move countries then it’s worth a shot, but it would be a ROUGH adjustment and you’re just about to have a baby. I think you’re making the right call by doing this slowly and getting to know him before making any concrete decisions here.” User
25. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Friend Free Baking Lessons?
“My (32) salary was reduced during the global crisis so I started selling baked goods for some extra funds. The business unexpectedly took off and I realized that this was something I wanted to do full-time, so I quit my job to focus on it.
I have no formal training so I have been saving up in order to attend classes overseas to enhance my skills. The fees and the cost of the trip are quite expensive, but to me, it was a worthwhile investment.
My friends know of my plans and have been generally supportive of this career change.
One of them, let’s call her Gina (32) started dropping comments about how I can give her lessons once I return from my study trip abroad. I thought she was just making an offhand joke so I didn’t take it seriously.
Once I was there, she started texting me almost daily asking when I would be home and when could she come for the lessons.
At first, I gave her replies about how I would be busy after returning but then I started to avoid replying to her messages. But she was still incessant about getting an answer.
I just came home a week ago and she immediately called me to ask if she could come by the next day to learn whatever it was I learned abroad.
I was tired and jet-lagged after the long journey so I sort of snapped and told her that I wouldn’t be able to provide lessons and that because this was for a business, I couldn’t just freely teach anyone and that I had paid a lot for the lessons but she was free to enroll herself if she really wanted to learn more.
She obviously got upset with me and told me that it wasn’t as though she was going to use this knowledge for business purposes then she hung up. I know that that wasn’t her purpose but who knows if down the road it would be. I’ve experienced betrayal in business before by people closest to me so I’m always wary about that scenario repeating itself again.
She went around telling my other friends about this. Some of them are on my side while others feel that I should have been gracious enough to just teach her. Honestly, I don’t want this to split our friends. I don’t want anyone to take sides. I just hope that at this age, a person should have more common sense.
To me, this is no different than demanding free products from a friend’s business just because you are acquainted.
She hasn’t spoken to me since and I’m not sure if I want to continue on this friendship despite it being many years. Am I the jerk here or should I just give in and give her the lessons?”
Another User Comments:
“Hold on, my life just got so much easier. I had no idea I could just harass my professional friends into giving me free lessons! This is great! I’m going to learn how to draw, design web pages, do film special effects, and play the stock market… Wow, I’m so excited for my future now that I know I can just get people to drop everything to tell me their hard-won secrets!
NTJ, by the way.” yugung
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I hate it when people do that. It’s often not even the expertise, it’s the time. Why would I spend my time doing this when the person has acknowledged it isn’t something that’s valuable to them?
For me, this falls into the category of the micro predator.
Whenever they see you with something that is good, or that makes you happy, they set about trying to find a way to take it away from you, break it, or otherwise devalue it. They just can’t accept that you have something that they don’t.
I think you’re better off without this friend.
In terms of who is saying what, you might drop a ‘to be honest, this stuff is so far beyond her ability that we would have both been wasting our time. She needs to just get a cookbook’ or something like that. A kind of ‘You don’t learn how to drive in a Porsche.'” jdogx17
24. AITJ For Going Skydiving Without Our Friend Who's Celebrating Her Birthday?
“So a couple of months back I asked my best friend (we’ll call her Lucy) what she really wanted to do for her 18th birthday if she could do anything.
She said she really wanted to go skydiving with me and our other friend, Rachel. Normally, I wouldn’t spend that kind of money on anyone’s birthday, but Lucy has had a rough year: she recently lost her mom.
So I scheduled and paid for the 3 of us to go skydiving on Lucy’s birthday (which is on Saturday) way back at the beginning of March.
It cost several hundred dollars not to mention that I had a whole day planned. We’d get coffee, go skydiving, I’d take Lucy out for dinner at her favorite restaurant and then we’d end the night at a hotel downtown. Rachel pitched in to pay for the dinner and the hotel.
I made sure that Lucy knew about these plans literally 2 months in advance so that she could get the day off work.
And she assured me that she had months ago. I’ve been annoying her for 2 months texting her periodically just to check that she still had that day off and remember not to make any plans.
Well flash forward to this morning and guess what: a guy that she has a crush on at work asked her to switch shifts with him and she just couldn’t say no. At first, I thought she was joking, she was like, ‘Can’t you just reschedule for another day?
Have you already paid?’ I tell her of course I’ve already paid and it’s non-refundable this close to the actual date, and that Rachel and I had already booked a room for the hotel as well. She’s like, ‘Well I’m sure if you just called you could get a refund.’ So I pulled up the email from the skydiving company that literally says appointments are non-refundable.
She’s like, ‘So, what are we going to do?’ I’m like well I know what Rachel and I will be doing, ‘We’re going skydiving with or without you. I already paid for it.’ Then she had the audacity to start crying and playing the victim: ‘Wow, I can’t believe my best friends are going skydiving and to dinner without me on MY 18th birthday.
All because I had to work. Some friends you guys are. If this was your birthday and we did something without you, you’d be mad.’
She’s the one who decided to pick up a 12-hour shift on the one day we’d made plans months in advance. I told her to text her crush back and say never mind she can’t take the shift. To which she replied, ‘I can’t do that, I already told him that I would.’ Like gosh, you told me the same thing months ago.
The way I see it, she’s choosing a guy who is in a relationship in his late twenties over 2 girls she’s been friends with for 4 years.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is seriously letting you know exactly what your position is on her totem pole. Never go out of your way for her again.
Do not let her guilt you down the road about this either because she’s going to try. She knew how much effort you put into this. How much it cost you and Rachel to set it all up like you said months ago. She sounds rather pathetic to ditch you guys on her special day for a guy who was in a relationship… wow that says a lot about your friend.
Hopefully, you two go and love it. Take pics and genuinely enjoy yourself because you guys deserve to still have a fabulous time.” cherryblossom1994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s her birthday, but you shelled out a bunch of money on a thoughtful gift and clearly and repeatedly communicated about it. Her subsequent choices are not your fault.
I’m hoping that this is just youthful selfishness that she’ll grow out of very soon, but the fact that she’s targeting a guy who’s taken is another red flag against her.
Tell her she’s still welcome to come with you if she changes her mind because you really wanted her to be there, but that it’s not in your power to reschedule or afford a second booking (if that’s the case).” CopperTressedHotMess
23. AITJ For Listening To My Partner's Conversation With His Friend Then Cutting Him Off From My Trip?
“I (21F) have a tradition that I hold dearly, Growing up, I had a deaf friend who I’ll call S (20M), we’ve been friends for almost 18 years before he passed away from a hit-and-run a year ago. When we were young, I was struggling to learn ASL and S would teach me. When attempting to sign to him my birthday, I signed the wrong month (My birth month is June, I accidentally signed January).
Ever since, our tradition was us celebrating my birthday twice, once in January, and then on my birthday. It was extremely silly but it was a tradition we had and continued doing up until when he passed. This year will be my first time celebrating the tradition without him, but several of my family members and my significant other (22M) offered to celebrate with me this year.
My SO knows how much this tradition means to me and has met S multiple times before he passed so it’s not like he doesn’t know nor understand the tradition at all. This year, we’re planning to go down to Disney to celebrate/throw the tradition and I bought my SO a ticket. I wanted to personally hand it to him and head over to his place.
Once there, his roommate let me in and I overheard him talking to his friends about the tradition and how he found it so ‘stupid’ and that ‘he didn’t understand why I wanted to do the tradition since S is now dead and I’m just wasting money for a dead guy ‘. Immediately, I let my presence known and confronted my SO, he attempted to cover himself but I let him know that he was not attending the trip with me.
My SO is upset at me saying how I was a jerk for peeping into his private conversation, that I should’ve heard him out, and that I’m overstepping his boundaries and overreacting. Honestly, I’m mentally stunned that I’m stuck in this limbo and I don’t know what to do or how to respond.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What boundaries of his does he think you stepped on? The one that lets him freely talk out of both sides of his mouth?
He got busted for what he has been thinking while what I call lying to your face when he said he indicated he supported your tradition.
And you didn’t sneak in to catch him.
He was loudly expressing his true thoughts which included disrespecting you.
Sorry, but such a revelation would lead me to wonder what else he hasn’t been truthful about.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way. He is trying to turn his behavior back on you. It’s classic gaslighting. He’s annoyed you’ve seen his true colors.
And they are ugly. I’m very sorry for the loss of your friend. Honor him and your tradition. Maybe use the holiday to rethink your relationship with this horrible guy.” Slainte_eireann
22. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Invalidating My Problems Because Of His Father's Death?
“My partner (John) and (both 32) I have been together 4 years. For two of these years, his father (Richard) has had cancer. He passed away 3 months ago.
Richard lived with my partner’s sister (Amy) but we spent the last 2 years helping out every weekend, going to hospital visits, and staying the night quite often. The 3 months before he passed away we were visiting every other day as well to help out with chores, cleaning up, and giving Amy a break.
I also really liked Richard and thought he was an amazing father so I am also upset about the situation.
When his dad got diagnosed, John requested that I don’t talk to him about anything negative going on in my life because he was too stressed to deal with anyone else’s ‘petty issues’ while his father was dying and has not seen my family in 2 years because he said he didn’t have the mental energy to deal with them.
He is in therapy already and has been for the last 2 years. I complied and the few times I slipped and told him about stuff going on, he told me that it was rude of me to talk about stupid problems when he had such big issues going on.
Last week I got passed over for a promotion in work even though I’ve gotten super reviews and mentioned how annoyed I was about it.
Once again my partner said he ‘doesn’t need to hear my small problems while he’s grieving’. I have been emotionally drained for years at this stage and I asked him when I’ll be able to talk to him about my problems without him belittling them, and said his father being dead does not mean that my problems are completely invalid.
I also asked him when he thinks our relationship can go back to being mutually supportive and he said ‘Are you seriously asking me when I’ll be over my dad dying?’ I said in a way I was and he got really upset. His friends say I am being an extremely unsupportive partner, I feel like he’s spinning the whole situation as relationships should be give and take.”
Another User Comments:
“Girl – run. This guy has been enjoying all of the benefits of a relationship with you without any of the obligations. He has been blatantly using you and exploiting your affection for his father and sister. You sound lovely, which he has clearly taken advantage of.
This is not a real relationship, and you need someone who supports you just as much as you support them.
You clearly grasp what it takes and he doesn’t have it. He also refuses to try and then has the nerve to flip it on you. He’s using his father’s death because it’s hard to argue with – but enough. You can still be a good, supportive partner in a relationship while grieving for someone.
He can’t and won’t so you need to cut him loose and find something else.
I’m sorry. It’s so easy for me to just anonymously say this but you know it’s all true.” BurnerPhoneToronto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner on the other hand is a massive jerk. Quick question, how do you see your relationship going in the future?
What happens when he is passed over for a promotion at work or has a stressful day? The way things are going, his emotional issues will always come first, meaning you’ll never be supported because your issues are secondary to his. That’s not how you have a healthy relationship. You’ve gone above sacrificing emotionally for two years, I’ll bet you $1, that this is his new norm.
His issues will always come first.” netman85
21. AITJ For Spending A Lot Of Money So My Daughter Would Love Me?
“When I (28f) was 18, I had to give birth to my daughter Farrah (no choice for me). I wanted to give her up for adoption but Dave, her dad, was able to take her. In exchange for giving him full custody, we settled on me not paying any child support. I did not give up my parental rights.
I thought I did what was best for me at the time. It let me focus on getting my degree, have fun, and start my own business, which has become wildly successful. When not studying or working or clubbing, however, I was very depressed and wound up torpedoing every relationship I was in and it’s all because I regretted my decision.
Last year, my dad died and I inherited almost everything. This has pushed my personal wealth into eight figures when you add up property and stuff. It just made me more depressed cause I never got to fix things with my dad and it’s like I have all of this but for what? So, I finally decided to be brave and reach out to Dave cause maybe if I could have Farrah in my life, I could be happy.
Dave set up a meeting last year and as soon as Farrah saw me she rushed at me and hugged me and called me mommy. It was amazing and I honestly started crying. It has been so great since then getting to know her, picking her up from school, hearing about her day, helping with homework, and getting to hug and kiss her.
Even getting yelled at by her when she’s upset is something I wouldn’t give up. And I hate that I wasn’t part of this before. It’s like I have a real purpose and all this money finally means something.
I don’t try and flex my wealth on Dave or his wife Lydia but they’ve made remarks about how cool Farrah thinks my car is or how I have a cleaning lady.
But I never bought anything for her without clearing with them first. In exchange for visitation, I have paid back child support and am paying it now to have her in my life. We currently have a meeting to restructure the custody agreement so I can get her on weekends.
Yesterday was Farrah’s birthday and the party is on Saturday but as a surprise, I got her one of those toy jeeps that kids ride around the block in and a full street hockey setup and those are the first gifts I didn’t clear.
She loved those so much but Dave and Lydia got upset but I was like if we’re restructuring the custody, I shouldn’t need approval to buy things anymore. Lydia pointed out how expensive it all was and called me a jerk for using wealth to win Farrah’s love instead of putting in hard work like she had.
What she said has been troubling me and maybe I have been like that so I’m here to get an anonymous judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think jerk is the right word, really, but I do completely see Dave and his wife’s point of view. You didn’t raise her, they did, and now you’re stepping in after 10 years and playing the superhero with the wealth they never accumulated because they were taking care of a baby.
It must suck for them. Although, it seems like you’re doing everything right by back paying child support, clearing gifts with them, etc. A classy move would be, next time, to have the big expensive birthday/Christmas gift be from all 3 parents, and each of you gets her something small (and affordable) from you personally.
I will also say that this little girl is going to be a teenager very soon and is going to start to establish a sense of who she is and where she came from, and with that, she’s going to start to question who YOU are and where you were for 10 years. I would advise getting into family therapy with your ex and his wife, you and your daughter, to help her work through the next few years as she grapples with the perfectly normal abandonment/resentment issues that may come up.
And good luck!” Objective-Elephant13
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with a soft YTJ. Dave and his wife raised Farrah for her entire life until you came back. They are her parents one and two, and you, and I apologize for this, are her third parent. Yes, you regretted your decision and that hurt your life, but Dave raised a daughter as a single father until he married and then he and his wife raised her for however many years with no child support.
And then you come back into the fold fully loaded and are offering their daughter gifts they can’t possibly afford. And yes, while she is your daughter too, they’re her mom and dad.
I think you are doing the right thing by back paying that child support and you were doing the right thing when running gifts by them first, but you need to look at what they’ve gone through the past ten years, and now it seems like you’re trying to be #1 parent by giving her expensive toys while they spent eight years with long nights, changing diapers, teaching her how to talk and walk, teaching her how to read, school, the whole shabam.
So, soft YTJ from me.” No-Cost-2668
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Husband's Mortgage?
“My husband (M 33) and I (F 32) had been together for 3 years when we looked to purchase a home. The plan was to purchase together, but my husband discussed his concerns with me which was that (1) my credit score was 650 and (2) if we broke up we would lose money in selling the house.
He said that if he purchased the house on his own I could be ‘added to it’ at any time I wanted, or when we got married. He has an MBA and an accounting degree and is very knowledgeable in these things so I agreed.
We agreed to pay equitable shares of the mortgage with pretty similar salaries.
About a month after moving in I came to him and said I wanted to be ‘added to the house’ (on any paper I didn’t care which). By then my credit score was 750 and we were close to engagement. He said that it was not as easy as he thought and the only option was to add me to the deed which would give me ‘all the power and none of the responsibility’.
I was upset but understood his position so I said I would only pay 1/3 of the mortgage not close to half. He was very upset and it was a big argument but we stopped talking about it.
Fast forward to now, we have been married for 3 years and have been living overseas for most of that time and the house has been rented out (my husband still owns it).
I have been paying my equitable share of items that have come up (HVAC, plumbing, etc.), I have an amazing job and an 830 credit score, and I brought up the conversation again. My husband said he’s still not comfortable with adding me to the deed but once it is a good time to refinance (which he already did last year) he will do it to add me to the house.
I understand that this conversation should have been had earlier in the marriage but I am outraged that he clearly doesn’t have that much trust in me. I’m angry I have been paying for incidentals on the home when it’s not mine and he wasn’t planning on fixing that. He kept saying we live in a community property state so if we divorce it’s still partly mine, but that’s not the point!
I wouldn’t even take the home from him if we divorced. I’m embarrassed and humiliated that my husband is a homeowner and I am not.
He has never made a single mortgage payment by himself but he did pay the upfront costs. I ONLY agreed to not be part of the loan because he said I could be added to it whenever I wanted.
AITJ for refusing to pay any more of my husband’s mortgage?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… tell him the time is right now. Let him know that you don’t take him as seriously with his total disregard for your feelings about paying for the house without your name on a single piece of paperwork. There was an agreement between the 2 of you and you have a right to be mad that he isn’t fulfilling his part of the agreement.” Higgzhatespeople123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is shady and lying to you. He is keeping it in his name to keep it in the event of divorce and not have to buy you out. Keep, save, and make backup copies of any text messages, e-mail, voicemail, etc., or other communications where you talk about paying mortgage and upkeep as it is your only way of showing you both paid for it.
Talk to a divorce attorney (1 hour consult), then tell him to put you on the deed or expect divorce. If he gives the none of the responsibility lines, hit back with 1) Right now you have responsibility but none of the power and 2) You asked to be put on the deed before he refinanced, and that was his opportunity to do it his way – he didn’t take it.
Also, be suspicious of him hiding assets or keeping anything else in just his name.” DarthMonkey212313
19. AITJ For Making A Scene On Mother's Day By Kicking Out My Brother-In-Law And His Significant Other?
“My brother-in-law, L, had a long-time partner, J, who he has a kid with. I’ve been with my husband since we were teenagers, way before J and my brother-in-law met, and eventually, J and I became really good friends, almost sisters.
Things went down around 4 months ago when J found out that L was having an affair with a coworker. He and J separated. J was devastated, and I grew a great distaste for L, especially after he started going out with this coworker. This was just the cherry on top, as he started being a jerk to J around 9 months ago.
We had a Mother’s Day celebration yesterday because we all had scheduling conflicts last week, and I, of course, invited J. I kinda forgot that L was in the family group chat because he doesn’t really talk, but to my surprise, this jerk shows up. With his coworker. They came in through the back door.
I was on my patio with J, as my niece wanted to play with the dog.
J went inside for a couple of seconds and quickly came outside, visibly upset and crying. Now, in my defense, I was 3 shots of tequila in, and I was already irritated because it was super hot outside, but as soon as I came inside and saw them in my kitchen, eating my crackers, I immediately yelled ‘Who let them into my house’, and went into a tirade where I colorfully described their audacity, and told them both to get out of my house and told my brother-in-law he is never to set a foot inside my house because he’s ‘unfaithful trash’.
His little woman started to argue back but was ushered outside by my BIL before I could decorate her head with nachos. BIL came in and started arguing with my husband, but my husband stood his ground and told him that he made his bed, and he could lie in it. The rest of the family was dead silent, but within 20 minutes tensions had relaxed, except for their great-grandma.
She was extremely angry and demanded to speak to me, and when she did she said she understood why I said and did what I did, but she was so upset that I had kicked him out, and that I had cussed him out in front of the family, and honestly? That old lady’s disapproving look kinda stung.
He also messaged me this long paragraph about how he’s upset and that I’m a sister to him and he couldn’t believe the way I was treating him. However, the rest of his family, including my husband’s parents, says that he needs to learn the hard way, and I was just the one to dish it to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Here’s the thing, old school ladies like his great grandma, tend to let liars and two-timing slide. They’re from that generation where it was expected of men. Where as long as he stayed with his wife and took care of his responsibilities, most would just let it go. But that’s not how things are anymore.
The fact that he brought her to a Mother’s Day celebration when he knew his ex would be there speaks of his cruelty. Did anyone ask what did he expect bringing his side piece there?” XELA_38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was a Mother’s Day celebration. He brought the woman he had an affair with to a Mother’s Day celebration that the mother of his child was at.
A celebration he knows full well he wasn’t really invited to. If that wasn’t pouring salt in the wound, I don’t know what is!
If he didn’t want to be treated like a jerk, he shouldn’t have behaved like a jerk. His great-grandma is wrong – you did exactly right by making it clear that his terrible behavior was disgusting, but that you will NOT tolerate it.
I admire you for that, and I guarantee that J felt loved and supported, and she deserves that after everything she’s been through. You’re a really good person OP.” Accomplished-Cheek59
18. WIBTJ If I Go To My Sister's Wedding Without My Partner?
“I am a college student from Morocco studying in the US, my sister is getting married next weekend. She was originally planning to host the wedding in March but when she knew we wouldn’t be able to make it she changed the date. The flight is on Monday and my sister paid for both our tickets and has been more excited for us to be there than for her own wedding.
My partner has also been looking forward to the wedding especially after my sister sent her some videos of the atmosphere in traditional Moroccan weddings. She also sent some outfits for her to try which my partner absolutely loved.
One thing about my partner is that she hates wearing heels. In the three years we’ve been together she never wore them, not even once (in high school she wore them to prom and some mean girls kept mocking her because she didn’t know how to walk in them).
When she told my sister about it, she told her it doesn’t matter what she wears, they can look together for another type of shoes for her when she gets there or wear whatever she likes. She told her what matters to her is for us to be there and that she has been looking forward to showing her everything that goes into preparing a wedding in Morocco. My partner changed her mind because she didn’t want high school bullies to keep affecting her life.
For the past week or so she has been practicing walking in them at our place, however, two days ago she injured her ankle.
The doctor told her to take it easy for a while. When she asked him if she could still be on a long flight, he said yes and advised her to take some gel ice packs to reduce the pain and to keep the walking to a minimum.
After we got back home, she informed me she wouldn’t be going to the wedding anymore.
This morning while I was packing my clothes she asked if I was still going. When I said yes, she responded in a sarcastic voice ‘Of course you will, why wouldn’t you? It’s not like you have an injured partner to take care of or anything’.
When I tried to reply she told me she was not in the mood to argue and told me to enjoy the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s not in the hospital, she twisted her ankle and has permission from a doctor to fly. She doesn’t need you to stay home and play healer, and it’s actually kinda crappy and manipulative that she’s trying to make you feel guilty for going.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your partner who is refusing to go over a sprained ankle and expects you to do the same is. This is your sister’s wedding. It’s important enough for your partner to******* up. She doesn’t need to be taken care of; she’s an adult with a sprained ankle. Maybe it’s more than a sprain, but that hardly matters.
She’s not incapable of taking care of herself. What does she think people with broken legs do? They heal while going in with life. She’s being incredibly selfish expecting you to miss this important moment in your sister’s life. Go to your sister’s wedding.” midian42
17. AITJ For Scolding My Husband In Front Of His Friend?
“I just got off a night shift. We have a 10-month-old who cosleeps with us. She’s been a lot more difficult as far as sleep training than our other kid, so when I’m home she’ll sleep fine at night.
When I’m working nights, the only way she’ll sleep with my husband is in her car seat. It’s hard for everyone when I have to work nights and I understand sleep deprivation can make us all do things we normally wouldn’t.
So, I got home from work and came through the garage, I took off my shoes and right away heard the baby’s sound machine downstairs.
I thought it was a long night and hubby just forgot it down here, then I heard the baby crying, but the crying wasn’t coming from upstairs where she normally sleeps, it’s downstairs by the couch. She’s in her car seat downstairs by herself. I took her and looked for hubby, and couldn’t find him anywhere.
I called, and it went to voicemail. I was panicking and I checked outside, maybe he was on the back porch. He was out on the back porch, in the hot tub with a friend who I found out then dropped by as a surprise.
I asked him how long the baby’s been in her car seat, and he said maybe an hour, an hour and a half and I could tell his speech was slurred. He and his friend were having a beer.
I let him have it in front of his friend. I told him how the baby gate wasn’t installed yet and the baby wasn’t completely buckled in and she was crying and she could have easily climbed out and crawled up the stairs and fallen down. I wasn’t nice, I was furious to see her alone and unsafe and told him so.
I called him a complete idiot for leaving her like that instead of waiting until I came home to hang out with his friend. I always come home between 6-620 am, for more info.
Now I’m regretting not waiting to have this conversation with him in private and making it awkward for his friend as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you can’t have a productive argument with a wasted man. Feel free to start up again, but make sure it’s while his head is still hurting, to reinforce your point. If he can’t handle being a parent, then the babysitting costs should come out of his pocket.” diskebbin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop letting your husband put the baby to sleep in the car seat – unsafe sleep practices are the #1 cause of death in infants under the age of 1. And make him take a car seat safety training so he knows how to properly use the car seat inside the car.
The only safe place for babies to sleep is on their backs in their own crib/bassinet (or pack & play, up to the allowed weight limit) with nothing else in the crib with them except maybe a pacifier – no pillows, no blankets, no plushies, no crib bumpers.
And also – stop with the co-sleeping, unless it’s via one of those bassinets that attaches to your bed but is actually its own separate baby bed that keeps baby separated from you.” Scouthawkk
16. AITJ For Throwing A "Temper Tantrum" Over A Car?
“I (21f) go to school in another province for most of the year and am now home for another week. I have a car that was given to me by my older brother (34m). I use it when I’m here for breaks and such because I need it to get around town.
I use it to pick up my niece and nephew from playdates, run to the supermarket, and do other stuff that someone needs a car for. And when I’m not there, my mom will drive it to work so it just doesn’t sit in her driveway.
So, when I came home last week, I found that my car wasn’t in the driveway.
And I was shocked, and so was she. We came in and asked my stepfather where my car was. He told me that his cousin’s partner was also here from another province and was using it for the two weeks that I was home. And I was livid. I pay for the car, it’s in my name, and I pay for all the details on it, as I have a job that gives me the wonderful option of working remotely (IT), so I can work anywhere.
I admittedly let my emotions get the best of me and threw a temper tantrum about a complete stranger using my car. My mom gave me the number for his cousin and I called her and screamed that if he didn’t give me back my car by the next night, I would be calling the cops on him.
No car showed up in my mom and stepdad’s driveway the next day. So, I called the cops on them. Her partner was arrested and I got my car back.
It’s been about a week and my stepdad’s family’s blowing up my phone saying that I was an ’emotional little girl’ who ‘threw a temper tantrum and ‘refused to help out a person in need’.
Here’s where I think I might be the jerk, I’m starting to feel guilty about what I did, as I think I ruined his life with this arrest. So, AITJ for calling the cops on my stepdad’s cousin’s partner for his refusal to give me back my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a mile.
The stepfather overstepped and gave permission to use the car when he had zero authority to do so. OP gave the guy a heads-up and option to return the car and the would-be car thief kept driving. It’s his fault and only his fault he was arrested. The stepfather’s family can pound sand and so can the guy.” A1askaKnight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knew it was not his car and he should have returned it as soon as you asked. You gave him a full day to return it, you gave him fair warning and they clearly thought you wouldn’t do anything about it and were wrong. You are in no way the jerk.
you are young and if they got into an accident on your insurance your rates would be affected for a long time never mind if something happened that cost over your coverage amount, can you imagine the civil lawsuits against you personally? DO NOT FEEL BAD. LOL. They had no issue potentially putting your financial future at risk for years to come for their own convenience and to top it all off they had the nerve to refuse to return it when you asked. I assume they are all adults?
How pathetic of them to put this on you as the 21-year-old to be responsible for their lifestyle and transport.” Otherwise_Turn_869
15. AITJ For Wanting A Refund For My Root Beer?
“I (45m) ordered delivery from a local pizza place yesterday. I ordered a medium pizza, breadsticks, and a 2 liter of root beer.
On their app, they had advertised that they had Mug root beer.
I ordered the 2 liters with that in mind.
However, when the food showed up on my stoop (I had requested contactless delivery) I noticed that the 2 liter of root beer was the ‘Great Value’ brand. This is a Walmart brand. Clearly, the owner had gone to Walmart and bought the cheapest pop possible in order to save coins.
I understand struggling businesses, but, come on. This is just a bad look.
I called the restaurant and got the owner. I told him that I wouldn’t be paying for the pop. I told him that I would leave it on my front stoop if he wanted to come get it but that he needed to give me my money back.
He told me ‘I can’t take back food or drink that has been delivered. But you knew that, right? You’re just trying to get your root beer for free.’
I told him that this was absolutely not the case; that I just didn’t like paying for one thing and getting an inferior product in its place.
We went back and forth a few times and he ended up saying ‘Fine. I’ll refund the amount you paid for the pop. We are a struggling small business but whatever; be a jerk. And when you drink it which I know you will and it’s perfectly good just realize what a petty jerk you are.
And don’t order from here again.’
I answered: ‘Don’t worry; I won’t. Stop cheaping out and just give people what they pay for.’ We argued some more before he ended up hanging up on me. But he did refund my money. Was I being too picky about the root beer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like this are 100% the reason why pizza chains are so popular. Other small businesses that are also struggling either sell the product as advertised or don’t sell drinks at all.
Also, they could totally take back the unopened bottle. When the owner bought it from the store he probably contaminated it a lot more than you did, and they clearly don’t have standards.
Super unprofessional to accuse you and make it your problem.” ooooooooooooolivia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you really want them to learn their lesson, post a factual account of this to Yelp and Google Maps, and make sure to include their trashy unprofessional response. And of course, if they try to retaliate, include that in your review as well in an edit or whatever.
They’re only acting like they think what they did is right. If they’re publicly called out on it they’ll have to take their head out of their butt or risk losing a huge chunk of business.” r2bl3nd
14. AITJ For Not Babyproofing My Book Display?
“My (F29) husband (M32) and I are currently doing the nursery for our first, and I saw the cutest ever set of cast iron bunny bookends. I thought that they would look so lovely in our nursery, and they are up on a shelf away from any baby hands.
Recently, my friend (F28) was over with her son (M7), and she asked to see the progress of the nursery.
She was specifically looking at the little book display we have and saw the bunny bookends. Obviously, being cast iron, they are very heavy but somehow in reaching for them, she knocked one off the shelf. Unfortunately, her son was underfoot and the bunny ended up breaking two of his toes as it landed. Her son was obviously in a lot of pain, and my friend very quickly bundled him up and took him to the hospital, but she has since texted me saying that I am responsible for any and all medical costs as I chose to have dangerous items in the house and did not properly childproof.
I am obviously quite sorry that this happened, but I told her that she was the one who knocked the bunny off the shelf, and I couldn’t have childproofed against an adult dropping something. I said that I felt terrible about all of this, but this was not my fault at the end of the day.
My husband agrees with me, but my friend’s husband (M29) has texted me saying that I am (a very unkind word) for hurting their son and choosing not to take responsibility. He also threatened to call the police, but I told him that I was nowhere near the bunnies or their son, so I did not do anything wrong.
He said my inability to childproof my home is reckless endangerment and they cannot afford the medical bills.
I am so topsy-turvy right now, and I feel like the jerk for allowing my friend’s son to be hurt like this, but I don’t know if I am even the right person to blame. Was I the jerk for not childproofing my nursery and by extension, hurting a child?
As an aside, the bookends have been returned. I don’t want anything else to go wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Dude why was she touching stuff in the first place? She literally dropped it on her own child and is blaming you. That’s beyond bonkers. Do not feel bad. At all. It’s not on you to childproof for someone else.
I’d never expect that and I’m always on my kids if we are visiting somewhere.
Congrats on your first! You’ll quickly learn you can never 100% childproof. Accidents happen. And even if you tried to childproof everything, they have a habit of finding weird stuff to get into anyway.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anyone hurt the kid it was his own mom. The room was childproof as the bunnies were out of reach from the child. The room was just not clumsy adult-proof.
I don’t know how big the medical bills are as we have free healthcare for kids here. I feel like this was an accident and if they were nice about it I would help out a little just because it happened in my home but they are not being very nice.” whateverthefuwant
13. AITJ For Not Liking My Significant Other's Valentine's Day Idea?
“I (20f) have been going out with ‘Brandon’ (20m) for about nine months now. Overall, there are several things that bother me now that didn’t bother me when we initially started going out.
My main issues are:
- he refuses to get a job
- he refuses to get a license
Recently I was at his house, and we were discussing Valentine’s Day and what our plans were going to be.
He asked if I could take him to the craft store so he could get things to make my gift. I said no because I didn’t want to see anything he was buying and wanted it to be a surprise. He then asked me how he was supposed to pay for it if I wasn’t there.
Immediately I was upset because firstly, he gets an allowance and he actually expected me to pay. Secondly, he’s absolutely horrible at making any type of craft so I don’t really want to waste money on something I know I’ll hate.
I told him I would not pay for my own gift and it’s ridiculous that he would expect me to.
He said he didn’t understand what the big deal was when I paid for other crafts we’ve done together.
The other crafts we’ve done together were things we did TOGETHER hence why I was fine with buying the supplies.
He said he wanted to buy a new game coming out so he wouldn’t have any money after.
I told him no, and that we just wouldn’t do anything this year.
He cried about it, and that just annoyed me so I left and went home.
He, his sister, and his mom keep calling me and have left several voicemails about how upset he is. Personally, I’m just annoyed and it’s making me view him as if he’s a child.
But his mom and sister are saying I’m a jerk for hurting him like this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is acting like a child. He had his mom call you because you hurt his feelings. Cut this guy loose. This won’t get better. If he’s choosing to buy a game instead of a Valentine’s Day gift for you then he’s telling you exactly what his priority is – himself.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He basically just said a video game is more important than you. It’s not like you’re asking for a diamond necklace. I’m sure you’d be happy if he went to the store himself, spent $15, and made matching shirts for you both. A gift doesn’t have to cost much.
It’s about the thought, which he clearly doesn’t have.” yoashleydawn
Exactly what is this man baby contributing to this relationship. Anyone who calls mommies to fight hos battles is a baby snd you don't need a child to raise; you need a SO who is a full-time partner, not a mooch
12. AITJ For Disapproving Of My Mom's New Relationship And Not Going To Her Birthday Party?
“So I (14M) live with my dad (40) and my mom (33) lives with her fiance Robin (27).
My parents divorced four years ago cause my dad caught my mom having an affair with Robin. Dad didn’t want me to know but she admitted it when I asked in therapy if that’s why she left us. Since she and Robin moved in together early last year things have gotten so different. Now I’ve never liked Robin, I’ve known him since he rented our basement for his university and I hate him for Mom having an affair with him.
But I know he loves my mom a lot and I get that she loves him too.
I get that my mom and dad weren’t happy together. I don’t want them together if they don’t want to be together even though I miss it. But I always want to cry after visiting her cause Robin’s there and she’s so happy with him but cause I’m unhappy that makes her unhappy.
Only when we’re alone it feels good and I feel happy with her. My dad makes me keep going cause she’s my mom we need our moms. And they take me to therapy but I just don’t feel like I can open up to the counselors I’ve seen. I don’t know why it doesn’t work for me.
So it was my mom’s birthday two days ago and she wanted me there but I didn’t want to ruin her birthday too by being mad at her for being happy with Robin so I refused to go even when my dad tried to make me. Eventually, he just stopped and left me alone in my room.
At nighttime when I went to the washroom I heard my mom yelling at my dad on FaceTime. I didn’t get most of it cause I put my headphones on but I heard her say I want my son back. And that made me cry.
Yesterday Robin sent me a text saying I was ungrateful and that if I didn’t care about my mom being happy then I should just leave them alone if I’m going to act like a little jerk.
The way I figure it is if my mom is happy when I’m happy and if she’s happy with him but I can’t be happy around him then maybe she’ll be happiest without me. So I don’t think I was a jerk for skipping her birthday but my friend told me to post here to find out if I am.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand the parents’ need to force kids to have a relationship with someone they don’t want to be with. It’s mentally exhausting for kids who have enough social issues to deal with on a day-to-day basis as it is. I commend your dad for not using you as a pawn to get back at your mom for having an affair and really wanting you to have a relationship with her.
I was going to say maybe slightly YTJ for not going on her birthday to at least wish her a happy birthday on a special day, but after the text you received from her partner, I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to go. I would forward that text to both your parents, they deserve to know what is being said to you.
and on that note NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were honest in your emotions. You know you wouldn’t be comfortable being at your mother’s birthday party. Robin texting you to pile on certainly isn’t helpful here. Have a talk with your mom – just one-on-one and let her know as best you can how you feel.
Maybe you can do a little post-birthday celebration the two of you.” zippykaiyay
11. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Don't Want To Play With Him Anymore After He Teased Me?
“My husband and I have been on the brink of divorce for 3 years. Long story short, we both grew up as Mormons and I left the Mormon church 3 years ago which is a huge deal in the Mormon community.
We’ve been trying a little harder recently to make things work.
This week we downloaded an app where we answer questions about ourselves and each other and can see what the other wrote after we submit our answers. I have been getting spanked, to be honest, and I couldn’t figure out why. This is whatever, but every time we do one of these quizzes he teases me pretty ruthlessly.
He has said things like, ‘Wow, why are you so bad at this? Why am I so much better at this than you? It’s as if you don’t know me at all. When are you going to get anything right’ etc. This is multiple times a day since we downloaded the app less than a week ago.
Today I got zero correct out of 5 and he got 4 out of 5 right about me. He found me immediately after finishing the quiz and started gloating and teasing. I started looking at what I got wrong and I told him that the answers he put are not what he actually does. He said he knows but he puts how he would like to be not how he actually is.
I told him that’s why I’ve been getting stuff wrong. I am pretty objectively honest with my answers about myself so he tends to get more right.
Later today out of nowhere he came and found me again and said, ‘So, when are you going to do well on one of these quizzes?’ And I snapped. I told him I got stuff wrong because he put nonsense answers instead of the truth.
I asked him how he thinks I feel to be getting everything wrong all the time. It makes me feel like a trashy wife anyway and then add on to that his being a jerk about it takes all of the fun out of it and makes it stressful. I told him I didn’t want to play the game with him anymore, called him a jerk, and told him I’d be deleting the app which I did.
He said he was sorry and that he thought he was just having a fun time teasing but after the last 3 years we’ve had we are not in a good place. Anyways how would he think that is funny? It makes me wonder if he was enjoying being the ‘good husband’ for knowing everything about me and enjoying me looking stupid especially because I have made 9 out of 10 of the compromises over the past 3 years and he knows it because friends, family and therapists have told him so.
On the other hand, it’s a stupid game and maybe he was just teasing for fun. I could have told him sooner his teasing was bothering me. What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A game like this is a kind of evaluation of your relationship. He thinks winning against you is more important than playing fair.
It kinda sounds like this might describe your whole relationship in a nutshell, which would explain why you reacted so strongly about it. Making you look stupid and lose is fun for him. You need to make up your mind about divorcing him.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But a game isn’t going to save your marriage, if you two have gone to therapy and they keep consistently telling you both that you are making all of the compromises without effort from him, then it’s time to move on, unfortunately, in my opinion.
Life is too short, and this is not healthy at all. I would at least take a step back and look at everything for what it really is, rose-colored married glasses off.” Effective_Money46
10. AITJ For Refusing To Delete My TikTok Account For My Friend?
“I have a trans friend who we’ll just call Becky. Becky was born a male and discovered herself many years ago but isn’t transitioning physically anytime soon.
I’ve never thought of her as anything other than a girl despite first knowing her when she identified as male. We’ve been great friends throughout high school. I bought her her first makeup and we had girl time together. We always included her in the girls-only trips and activities.
I also have a partner (yes, I’m gay).
This means that Becky third-wheels a lot and we all joke around about it. Well, I decided to make a TikTok video about it using well-known audio. (Brief line: ‘Just us… and your friend Steve’). In this instance, ‘Steve’ was Becky. Steve was just the name that came with the song. I didn’t think anything of it.
I posted it to the account that all our friends follow. I barely have any followers, just friends. Becky later texted me saying how I had invalidated her gender by pairing her with a male name. Steve is not her dead name, not even close. But I tried to understand why she was upset and deleted the video.
The next day she complained that she wanted me to delete the whole account as the ‘memory of the video will always be there’. The video barely got viewed before it was deleted. It got 17 views, 6 of which were our friends, and the others were probably just FYP (For You Page) scrollers who only half even stopped to like.
I didn’t want to delete my account as it has all my previous videos and drafts. She tries to insist.
My partner and most of our mutual friends with Becky agree with me, but some don’t and it makes me feel bad. Becky also complained that I took our mutual friends off her, even though I never told them to pick sides.
I didn’t even want my friendship with Becky to end never mind fight over friends. My TikTok account is still up but idk whether to******* up and delete it because it clearly upset her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it was an honest mistake, it’s understandable why it was triggering for her. However, you both discussed how to rectify the situation, to which you complied by deleting the video.
That should have been the end of it.
Asking you to delete your entire account is unreasonable, it seems like she’s still struggling. It could help to just go talk to her in person and listen to her. Sometimes just giving someone the opportunity to vent, and validating their feelings can fix things right up.” SummerOracle
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow NTJ x10000. How nice of you to even delete the video. Audios are popular a lot of the time because of the show, movie, song, or artist they come from so they come preset! Becky honestly is being touch-sensitive now because you deleting the video was something you didn’t really have to do because you definitely weren’t being offensive.
A lot of people swap genders and such with TikTok audios as a joke.” User
9. AITJ For Being Happy For My Brother For Moving Out Of Our House?
“My 16-year-old brother ran away, and I, being (15F) next kid in line, picked up all his responsibilities. Which opened my eyes to his struggles and life – A LOT.
My parents have made mistakes, everyone does, but apparently, their kids can’t make one, my older brother knew that most. I won’t say he didn’t make excusable mistakes, cause he really didn’t.
He was the type of kid to sneak out, get banned from public areas twice a year, or end up in the back of a cop car. He’d been expelled 3 times from 3 different schools in one year before – the shortest only lasting 2 weeks in one school – and it was the beginning of the year.
My brother was constantly looked down on for this, but I think he did it for the attention of our parents. Not saying it like as if he was stupid for trying all that just for attention, I’m saying I completely understand why he did it
Growing up he was overlooked and only seen as a problem child, reckless, and even a babysitter for us younger kids (even with 2 other older siblings), he was constantly compared to others and was always expected to be the bigger person.
I guess after moving to a different state and growing a better mindset of his surroundings, he became aware. Aware that if he stood under our parents’ roof for one more night, he would go insane. So he left. We did try to look for him. 4 months. It took us 4 months to find him and get communication back with him, although he still doesn’t want to come back, which my parents have come to terms with.
I can tell he is doing much better, when he lived with us he was a little on the chubby side and was tired a lot, even often getting angry, but when he left, his whole appearance changed, he has a couple of tattoos, he’s lost a lot of weight and is even living with his significant other (who we all love), he looks so much happier and healthier.
I couldn’t be more than proud of him for getting out of this trashy house. All my friends who know my brother personally are happy for him too, but others think it’s selfish that I’m so grateful that it all happened
It’s starting to make me wonder if I’m just being a jerk and inconsiderate of how my parents feel about it all, even if they still talk to my brother and all, he has made it clear he doesn’t want to depend on my parents for anything anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Our experiences make us.
Sounds like you’ve developed a lot from your brother’s actions.
Sounds like he’s developed a lot from his actions.
Both seem to be positive developments.
You talked about your parents’ feelings and while they’re entitled to their feelings, they also seem to be the problem.
From what you’ve said I think you’re entitled to see the positive side of all this.
Best of luck to you and your brother.” The-Jagged
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’ve been aware of how your parents treated your brother and how that resulted in your brother ‘acting out.’ So you see your brother running away as sad for your parents but letting your brother find himself without the weight of your parents.
That isn’t a bad thing. It’s sad that he couldn’t do that in your parents’ home. But it sounds like your parents are mourning the child they had (or maybe the child they wanted him to be), instead of the child he was.
NTJ and honestly, congrats for being a good younger brother and being able to take the time to really see how your brother was treated. (Even if was only once you were in his shoes.)” rak1882
8. WIBTJ If I Report My Coworker Who's Assuming That I'm Being Mistreated By My Husband?
“I (28F) am married to A (29M). About a week ago I hosted a party at my place and invited B (29F) who just moved to the city and recently joined my department. I spent the entire day prepping for the party and by evening I had a really bad headache as I am very prone to cervicogenic headaches.
By the time the guests started arriving, the right side of my head was throbbing and I could feel the pain go from the back of my eye socket to my neck and right shoulder. I took a painkiller but it was no use. I went up to my bedroom to stretch my neck and shoulders a little as that usually helps, where I found A doing some party prep.
I asked him to twist my arm behind my back and push it as up as possible.
Now, A is the one who mostly helps me do these exercises and he absolutely knows what and how to do them and he slowly pushes until I ask him to stop. So, I twist my arm around my back and ask him to push to get a good stretch in my shoulder muscles, and I start feeling the tension and the pain so I start making little ooh-aah noises to let him know it’s working.
Well, he got a little too excited and pushed a little too hard which led to me shouting something along the lines of – ‘Aah aah you’re hurting me’ and as soon as I said that he let me go. As soon as I turn around to face him, I see B standing at our bedroom door looking a little shocked. I go to her and introduce her to A and she looks a little uncomfortable.
I could not connect the dots then but later she pulled me aside and asked me about my husband ‘abusing’ me earlier. I laughed and explained everything to her and that my husband would never ever hurt me. She seemed to understand and let it go. I told my husband later and he too found it funny and a bit embarrassing, and I thought that was the end of this.
Monday morning, B came to my office with some DV pamphlets and tried to get me to ask for help and how she would be by my side 100%. I was honestly shocked but tried to explain to her that what she saw was not my husband abusing me and this was all a misunderstanding but she absolutely refused to believe me.
I have since spent countless hours talking to her and trying to make her believe that I’m not lying but she is refusing to budge. I was tolerating this because I assumed she just had my best interests at heart but today during lunch she held an ‘intervention’ for me and even included some coworkers in it to make me understand how I was being mistreated because I clearly do not see it.
To say I was mad would be an understatement. More than anything, I’m mad that she went around and painted my very loving husband as an abuser, which is absolutely disgusting. I already shouted at her to butt out of my life and she looked pretty offended. I’m not sure if she will leave this alone or not and I think it would be better to get HR involved at this point.
So, WIBTJ if I reported her to HR?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, I think you need to get your story registered immediately before she goes to HR. You tried to do this the nice way and she is refusing to back down. Please tell HR how you invited her to your home (which was extremely welcoming and above and beyond what a new hire would expect) and now she is disparaging your husband’s reputation with your co-workers, causing them to doubt your honesty and safety, and it’s all making you very uncomfortable at work.” Allimack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if you were being mistreated, going around telling other co-workers about it doesn’t sound like genuine concern. It sounds more like gossip. This would be such an awful response to an abused person – to keep triggering their trauma and force them to confront something they weren’t ready to admit.
This person does not seem to have good intentions. Instead, they seem to love the drama and possibly have a savior complex.
The fact that you aren’t abused means that she’s actively maligning your husband’s reputation. Go ahead and report her. This is harassment and this person needs to attend a sensitivity training seminar.” criticalgraffiti
7. AITJ For Not Giving My Bus Seat To A Pregnant Lady?
“My sister had a doctor’s appointment so I wasn’t able to use my mom’s car to go to the store. So I took the bus.
I (15F) needed to go to the store for painkillers. (I had a big lump on my arm that needed to get removed and I had to get stitches for it) coming back from the store I got on the bus. Now this bus wasn’t really full it had a few seats left but not a lot.
There was a seat open in the back so I took that one. It was way way in the back the very last seat.
Fast forward maybe 10 mins (can’t say for sure). And this lady walked on the bus. She looked maybe around 5 months pregnant. She looked around the bus and looked at me for a minute and then started walking towards me.
She walked right past the seats that were made for pregnant moms, elderly, etc., which were open, mind you. Keep that in mind.
She walked up to me and kinda stood there looking at me. She said something along the lines of ‘Can I have this seat’. I responded with a ‘Sorry, no’. She kinda stuck out her belly and repeated the question again.
I said no. She stood there for a bit and asked again and I gave her the same answer.
She asked why and I explained to her, that I recently had surgery on my arm and that I was tired from the walk to the store. (I didn’t have enough budget for a ride to the store and back and enough to pay for the painkillers.)
She yelled at me and told me I was a jerk and that she was tired too. That her being pregnant means she is in so much more pain and having surgery on an arm is minor. She told me I was lazy and I needed to reevaluate my choices if I wouldn’t give up a seat for a pregnant lady.
At this point, everyone was looking at me and some giving me a stink eye. I once again told her there were seats up front meant for her and she could once again sit in one of those. She said that she didn’t want to sit there and that I needed to move now. I didn’t move.
She threw a fit and sat in the seats up front.
When I got off the bus she called me a jerk and I returned it. I told my mom and she told me I should have just moved cuz she needed it more than me. I told her there were seats in the front for her.
And she said it didn’t matter and that I was being a baby about a seat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did nothing wrong, you sat in a seat that you are allowed to sit in, the fact that she walked right past the available seats that were made for pregnant ladies and were unoccupied makes me think that she just wanted to show off the fact that she was pregnant and make a big deal about it.” boomboomboy4444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I told my mom and she told me I should have just moved cuz she needed it more than me.’
She absolutely did not need YOUR exact seat. There was at least one upfront. Man, I’m so tired of entitled people. Seemed like she just wanted to play the ‘I’m pregnant’ card so she could have whatever she wanted.” Ohanameyeahsure
6. AITJ For Telling My Cousin Off After Her Comment About My Getting A Prenup?
“I (26f) am getting married in a couple of months. My fiancé and I have been preparing for our wedding a little untraditionally and it’s caused problems between my cousin (25f) and me.
My fiancé grew up with divorced parents and he was completely against marriage until he met me. He never wanted to put any kids through what he went through. It was a very nasty divorce that involved his dad embezzling millions of dollars and leaving his mom homeless with nothing. Because of this, we agreed we would get a prenup and we have also been doing premarital counseling.
The prenup is very fair to both parties, it’s simple but protects each of us from any debt that the other obtains and includes clauses that protect me in the event of divorce.
I was having lunch with my mom, my aunt, and my cousin the other day and I told them all of this.
For background, my cousin and I were very close growing up until she had a planned pregnancy at a young age and got married the day she turned 18. When she told me she had planned the pregnancy I told her she was selfish and irresponsible and she was setting her kid up for failure because she wanted to be a wife and a mom before she was financially or emotionally ready.
We got in a huge fight and our relationship was never the same after. She is now divorced with 3 kids at 25 and had to move back in with her parents.
After I told her all the details about the prenup and the counseling she said ‘That doesn’t sound very romantic to me’ and said that if my fiancé wants a prenup he probably thinks that I’m marrying him for his money.
This struck a nerve with me, my fiancé started a successful business right out of high school and was making money in the higher 6 figures while he was still in college. I told her that it may not be the most romantic but neither is getting a divorce and the fact that he made sure our prenup protects me as well makes me even more in love with him because if we do get a divorce I won’t be stuck with his kids and no money.
This started a long screaming match that ended when my cousin asked why it made me happy to see her struggle. I said it didn’t make me happy but I did think it was her own fault. That was the final straw and she stormed out of the house and drove off. We haven’t spoken since.
I know that I said some harsh things but I never would have said them if she hadn’t made comments about me and my upcoming marriage first.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t attack her, she called your plans ‘not very romantic’ and you explained you didn’t want to end up in a certain situation.
If that happens to be her situation, it’s not your fault. Life is not a fairy tale and adults need to have backup plans just in case, even if that takes some of the romanticism. Romanticism won’t feed you or your kids.
And if she wants to feel attacked, that’s her problem, but love is not always enough, that is a fact, and she should have learned it by now.
She just doesn’t want to admit her past recklessness, otherwise, she would be happy that you are trying to protect yourself from struggling the way she does. But no, she would much rather see you make her same choice to feel validated.” SneakyRaid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She went there and she should have kept her opinion to herself since you didn’t ask for it.
You were simply sharing your plans and the discussion that you and your fiance have been having. I commend you on taking this approach as you may get along now but long-term, people’s marriages do change.
As for your cousin, she had it coming. You made a general statement and she immediately got upset. So it was okay that she could share her views and you can’t?
That is a major no. I also don’t think that you should take the upper road. I say she could have done the same.” anaisaknits
5. AITJ For Commenting On My Dad's Social Media Post?
“Our (my 2 siblings 14F, 12M and my 14M) world got destroyed because of my father’s (36M) affair, my parents divorced because of that two years ago. They had 50/50 custody until 5 months ago.
My dad had an affair with a close family friend (35M). We didn’t know in the beginning because when they separated they told us that ‘their marriage wasn’t working like it used to’ so for around one and a half years we would go to our dad’s house one week and one week with my mom.
We stopped going when he introduced him to us and we found out that he was his affair partner and also a family friend, so we didn’t feel comfortable being around the man who helped my dad destroy our lives.
We haven’t gone to my dad’s house for the last three months because we just don’t feel comfortable.
He comes to our mom’s house to bring us gifts, and he wants us to go to his house to accept his partner but I just don’t like him.
So, this incident happened around 8 days ago. My dad posted a picture of him, his partner, and his stepson on social media. I got angry because they tried to look like the perfect family and even tried to force us to be part of that family.
So, I commented: ‘Remember that you two had to destroy our lives to get there’. My dad deleted the photo immediately and didn’t tell me anything. The one who sent me a message was his partner, telling me that my father was hurt and told me to move on since it’s been two years.
My sister (14) found out what I did and called me a jerk for exposing and reminding my dad of the mistakes he made. Now I feel bad because my dad has really tried to make amends and fix what he did but I just can’t stand it, this makes me feel sad and depressed because of what my father did.
Was it a jerk move to remind him of his affair?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one gets to tell you how to feel or to invalidate those feelings. Also, no one gets to dictate a timeline for you. If the guy is serious about your dad wanting reconciliation, telling you to move on because 2 years have passed doesn’t help his cause.
You lashed out and hurt your father, this isn’t ideal, but it’s not as bad as, say, having an affair that wrecks your family and lying about it. Sometimes saying, ‘Sorry, my bad, here’s a present, we’re all good now’ doesn’t cut it.” shaney1968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are 14!
Your dad had an affair and blew up your life!
Your dad needs to help you work past this as does your mum. You need some therapy.
Sure you should not have posted a comment on social media, but your dad should expect blowback seeing as you have just found out his affair blew up your family.
You owe it to yourself to get past this anger so it doesn’t affect your entire life. Sometimes adults need different things that they weren’t getting from their partner.
You’re at a critical age in your development. Please get some therapy and help moving past this anger.” OpinionatedAussieGal
4. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Cousin For Commenting About Being Gay?
“So I (27F) am gay… live in a country where gay rights are almost non-existent and that also means no marriage rights yet! Most of the family is homophobic so I don’t tell them much about my life, I’ve come out to my parents but they didn’t take it well so I’ve stopped telling them anything.
Now whenever there is any kind of family function every relative and every person at the party will make it a point to come and ask me what are my plans for marriage, I ask them why they are so concerned and they are like I’m the youngest girl in the family, it’s time, you are 27, bla bla bla… for a few instances I just changed the topic, but now it’s getting really annoying, now my answers are typically I don’t wanna get married, or why should I be married or I just ask them the pros of getting married.
Anyway at a recent function one of my cousins (is in her late 30s) asked me why I’m not deciding to get married, and if something is wrong with me (I kid you not she asked me this) and I asked her what does she mean by something being wrong with me… she said she recently saw my social media post where I was talking about gay rights and she thinks that I plan to ‘change my sides of interest’.
All I replied was how bad would it be if that happened? She said ‘You know you’re not going to heaven, right, if you change your sides’… oh my that was a trigger point so I replied ‘Oh ya! You’d know all about sins and not going to heaven cause you’ve done a couple of them yourself (got pregnant before marriage… not that I believe in all this but I was in a real T*t for Tat mood).’
She got furious, stormed out, and complained to my parents about what a jerk I was, and my parents and entire family have been calling me names!
But how is it my fault when someone is like deliberately trying to trigger me!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are never gonna be able to have your family see your side of it, me thinks.
Your ‘chosen lifestyle’ is not valid in their eyes, and harassing you about it is just ‘being concerned for your soul’ or whatever.
But most importantly, you messed up by pointing out your cousin’s hypocrisy. Because she has chosen a ‘normal’ and ‘sinless’ lifestyle, while you have chosen sin. She has a lot of leeway in how she can talk to you and act towards you, but you have none.
It might be time to ask yourself some hard questions about what kind of people you want to keep in your life.” Aether-Wind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although maybe you might have told your cousin that the only way you would get married is if you DID ‘change sides.’ You ARE gay. You didn’t choose it.
You didn’t decide it. It’s who you are. It’s not your fault that your country is so backward that you can’t openly marry the person you love. But if you were to marry someone of the opposite gender, the only way you’d be doing it is if you ‘change sides’ from who you are.
But nah, your cousin was totally trying to provoke a reaction out of you and only got upset when getting that reaction meant that she lost the upper hand.” lemonlimeaardvark
3. AITJ For Reporting My Friend To The Police For Leaving Her Baby With Me And My Partner?
“My partner (29M) and I (27F) had a long day after work and decided that we were going to have a glass of wine at home. I had a FaceTime call with a friend (let’s call her Lucy) of mine (34F). She was with her partner and we were all having a laugh over FaceTime.
It was about 11 p.m. at the time, and Lucy asked if we wanted to go there for a few drinks! We both agreed and I said I would pick up drinks on the way and I would see her there.
By the time we got there, Lucy was on her own. Lucy let us in and we were chatting and having drinks.
I had seen on the side that there were 3 empty bottles of wine there from before we had even arrived. The next thing I know – baby crying. Lucy’s 6-month-old daughter was upstairs. So she brings her down.
I immediately stopped drinking. I didn’t want to drink when there was a baby in the house.
However, my partner and Lucy continued. Anyway about an hour passed by and Lucy said she needed to nip out for 15 minutes and rang a taxi, I asked where she was going and she said she was just going to meet someone, she would be back soon, would I mind looking after her daughter? I said obviously I didn’t mind but as long as she came back.
Lucy left, an hour passed, tried to get hold of her and I managed to get through, she proceeded to ask me if I could ring her a taxi and said some address that I didn’t hear because she was so wasted. I asked her to text me and she didn’t. I didn’t hear from her again that night.
40 calls later and by this point it was 6 a.m. and the baby had woken up and was screaming. My partner and I don’t have kids so I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t find nappies, she’s on formula, and it was a nightmare.
In the end, we waited until 7 a.m. and tried to comfort the poor baby.
She wouldn’t stop crying. It got to the point where I said we needed to ring the police. The police came over and tried to contact her but couldn’t get through. We managed to get in contact with her father over social media, etc. It got to 8:30 am and I received the message ‘Where is my baby?’ I told her what happened and asked where she was – nothing.
She just kept repeating where is my child. The father then came to pick the child up and I explained the situation.
The police asked for my account of what happened and we were told to drive home and if they needed anything else they would call.
The father has since taken her to court and she hasn’t seen her child in 6 months.
She messages me every now and again from a new number asking me if I’m happy I’m the reason she’s not got her child. It’s getting to the point where it’s harassment. I’ve blocked her on everything yet she still finds a way.
I can’t help but feel so guilty in case I did the wrong thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what you’ve said about the empty bottles, it sounds like she may have had a drinking problem, possibly illegal substances. It’s a little strange that she would need to go meet someone in the middle of the night like that when she’s wasted and has a baby in the house.
You didn’t get her baby taken away from her. She did.
Leaving someone to take care of her child while she went away for the night doing who knows what is not okay, especially if she isn’t going to pick up the phone. I don’t know what she was expecting. I’m not saying there are never bad decisions made in child custody battles, but I feel like this wasn’t the first time she’d done something like this if the court decided not to let her see her child at all.
Usually, a parent would at least get supervised visits.” QuantumTectrix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a jerk for leaving company at home with her daughter to go meet up with someone else ‘real quick’. Also a jerk for leaving her 6-month-old with two people who have no kids and have no idea what to do.
You did the right thing!
I’m about to be a mom and I don’t have any clue what I’m doing, I could only imagine how you and your partner felt especially with the child not being your own.” h3ller-rad
2. AITJ For Not Being Able To Take Care Of My Nephew?
“So I (32f) understand that this may make me come across as a heartless jerk but it is what it is.
Not too long ago my SiL died in a car accident. My brother died years ago so her death has left my nephew (12m) orphaned. I’ve always maintained a child-free life for a number of reasons, mainly because I’m ace (so no interest in having a family) and autistic.
I’ve never been good around children and due to my autism looking after myself has been hassle enough so I know that I’d make an awful parent/guardian, especially when it comes to the emotional side of things.
Ever since the accident, I have been looking after my nephew and without exaggeration, it has been absolutely draining on me.
My entire life and my routine have been derailed because of this, which I know isn’t my nephew’s fault, but it’s been putting me under an amount of stress that I can’t handle.
The problem is that aside from myself there is no one in our family who is able to take care of him.
My parents are elderly and in their late 70s so they can’t look after him. Custody hasn’t been fully sorted out yet and if I was to decline my nephew would be placed into the foster system.
I know it isn’t great or the best outcome for him but I’m dedicating to giving him over to them.
They’ll be able to find people who can better care for him and who want to care for him (as bad as that sounds).
I haven’t told him my decision yet but I have made my parents and friends aware and, well, their reaction has been worse than I expected. Obviously, I didn’t think they would be okay with it but my parents are threatening to end communication with me and a lot of my friends are telling me that if I go through with this they’ll distance themselves from me.
Obviously, I’m aware that my nephew wants to stay with family and that he could suffer from going into the foster system – but I can’t take care of him in the way he needs. I can’t afford to take on the cost of getting a bigger apartment with a room for him, let alone bring him up or take care of him.
I think it’s best that others do it, they’ll do a better job than I can. But, still, people are calling me heartless and are making out that I’m some monster for this.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, BUT.
There are far better solutions than handing him to social services.
If your family thinks you’re so heartless, they should be stepping up to help you care for this 12-year-old.
Ask for help. Talk to social services and see if there are any supports that can assist you in parenting this poor orphaned kid. Ask your family and friends to step in and help take some of the load.
This isn’t ideal, but it’s also temporary – he is 12 and could be on his own in 6 years. I know it isn’t what you planned but life doesn’t always go that way.” Mabelisms
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk for admitting this is beyond your help and saying you can’t continue the status quo.
You would absolutely be a jerk if you just dumped him in foster care and went off on your merry way.
You haven’t said that the child himself is an issue (behaviors, needs, etc.).
You need to explore getting help before you go with the nuclear option. Financial assistance or family assistance in acquiring a bigger place so he has his own space.
Areas with clubs/services like the Y so he has a place to hang out, spend time, and develop relationships with other caring adults.
This isn’t about whether you would be legally within your rights to dump him (yes), but about whether you would be a jerk to a devastated and grieving child (absolutely yes).
For the sake of that child, explore your options.” Euphoric-Round-5182
1. AITJ For Thinking My Wife's Boss Calling Her An Angel Was Inappropriate?
“My wife (34f) and I (35m) have been married 3 years. I’ve had a lot of insecurities that I’ve had to work through due to being lied to in my previous marriage. Sometimes this leads to me reading into situations and I don’t trust men. Things have been great with us until recently.
We found out I was infertile and my wife took it hard. We’re pursuing fertility treatments as a result and my wife is stressed about the cost and overall impact on our health. She says that’s why she’s detached and distant but for me, it’s a noticeable change.
She works the night shift as a charge nurse.
Her new manager started about a year ago and he has recently offered her a position as assistant manager. A huge step in her career. I asked her if there was anything funny about him and she said no.
Today something felt off so when we were working out I grabbed her phone and looked through her texts.
I looked at the one with her boss and she had recently picked up a shift to help because there was a call out and her boss couldn’t go in because it was his kid’s birthday party. When she said yes to working he said ‘You’re an angel from heaven. I’ll be forever grateful for your help’.
To me, this was soooo inappropriate and a fight ensued. She asked if it was a female boss I’d care and I admitted I wouldn’t. She didn’t see the harm in the comment and said female bosses HAVE called her an angel before for helping. I feel like her boss crossed the line and that she let him and I can’t trust her to stand up for our marriage.
She thinks I’m crazy. My friends are a 50/50 split on the situation.
So AITJ that I’m upset her boss called her an angel and she didn’t correct him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Praise like that is not flirtatious or inappropriate unless your wife has objected to the religious aspect and asked her boss not to talk like that.
But there was no reference to her appearance or even a PG assessment of her character, which is super G-rated and absolutely not inappropriate.
You need real reality check help on this. Not couples counseling but individual counseling to stop before your jealousy and insecurities ruin your marriage.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You need to find a new way of dealing with your insecurities.
It’s also really manipulative of you to search her phone and then start an argument with her about what you found in it like you weren’t the one snooping in the first place.
Your wife did her boss a favor and he said a very effusive thank you. That’s literally all that happened. If you did a favor for someone and they said to you ‘Thanks OP, you really saved me today, you’re my hero!’ would you tell them ‘Please don’t say that to me because I have to stand up for my marriage!’ They would think you had completely lost it.
You are paranoid and insecure and you owe your wife an apology.” User
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