People Tell Their Most Disastrous 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Evicting A Disrespectful, Damaging, Non-Paying Tenant From My Basement?
“I am not an owner of multiple properties. I am a university student renting out my basement to one person.
For the last two months, this person has refused to pay rent.
After inspecting the premises, I found that they have been smoking there (not allowed per the lease agreement), parts of the walls have been hammered out, along with two doors being broken in addition to many smaller damages such as paint being ripped off with tape and dog urine being allowed to stay on the floor for days.
This tenant has also been subletting half of the basement to a family of three (also not allowed in the lease).
I befriended the father of this family and he’s told me many things about the tenant, including showing me their conversations in which she refuses to pay rent, laughs about it, and purposefully runs up my water and electric bills.
After giving this tenant a formal notice to quit, they laughed about it to the father because they thought that I didn’t know how to file an eviction with the county, saying “Now I don’t have to pay rent, and I can stay here as long as I want.” The father has also told me this person uses illegal substances, which some of my neighbors had already guessed.
Normally, I wouldn’t care about the substance use, but my little sister lives with me and the tenant brings over a lot of men to get high with. I don’t like how these men look at us and I simply do not want substance users in my house where my sister lives.
Naturally, I’m evicting this person, but it’s a long process and even after obtaining a writ of possession, the sheriff’s office says they can’t fit a forceful eviction in until January.
I asked for advice multiple times during this conflict but my comments were flooded with insults and declarations of “landlords are jerks”.
The people who weren’t insulting me for being a landlord were telling me that I was a jerk for trying to evict this person.
I’m expected to let this person continue to live in my house and drive my bills up because “it’s the right thing to do”.
I am left-leaning myself and I hate the idea of corporations being allowed to own family homes, or even one person owning many residential properties.
But when it comes to landlords, people think you’re an absolute monster if you don’t lend out your house for free to anybody who wants it.
I don’t think I’m cruel for wanting somebody to simply pay the rent that was agreed upon. Come January it will have been 4 months of nonpayment, disrespect, property damage, and intentional increases to my utility bills, yet many people believe that isn’t enough reason to evict a person.
There is no debate on whether the tenant can afford to pay. This tenant is an accountant who has boasted to me about their expenses on numerous occasions, every day there’s a new Amazon order at the door, the father who I speak to works with her and knows that she has the money, and she expressed to him directly that she refuses to pay simply because she thinks she doesn’t have to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to be a resident manager for apartment buildings. One of the skills you develop when renting apartments is learning to spot those types of people and making sure they never get a foothold in your building in the first place.
Follow the law and get her out as soon as you can. If it’s January, then so be it. Be careful until then. Someone who knows they are being evicted can become bigger problems the closer they get to the eviction date. Keep your head down and only interact with her through legal channels.
If you plan on renting that space again I’ve got some advice for you. Make them fill out an application and run a background check. Always call their references and make them confirm their salary with recent paycheck stubs. This is all the stuff required by professionally managed buildings.
Never rent to someone who starts off giving you a hard luck story about why they need the space unless you want to hear that same story every month when they don’t pay their rent again. Trust your gut. If you have a bad feeling about someone, don’t rent to them.
Sorry you are having a bad experience. Think of it as a life lesson and learn from it.” iamcharity
Another User Comments:
“If you’re renting out part of your own home, I think some of the eviction rules may be different. Does this person share a kitchen and bath etc with you, or is the basement legally a full apartment with separate entry?
If it’s the former, consult a lawyer if you haven’t already, you might be able to get them out sooner. Edited for judgment of NTJ.” notpostingmyrealname
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you might want to develop a thicker skin if you want to be a successful landlord and understand sometimes you have to be the jerk to avoid harming yourself.
Or as others say, don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. If a tenant isn’t paying rent without a really good reason or is intentionally/carelessly damaging the property, take the appropriate steps to evict them and claw back whatever you can in respect of what you are owed. Do that without caring about hurt feelings and general hateful feelings toward landlords in general.” masoj3k
18. AITJ For Removing My Location Share After My Partner Lost A Chess Bet?
“When we first started seeing each other, we exchanged locations because she asked for it so we could build trust and I agreed because I have nothing to hide. Time goes by and it seems the location caused more issues than trust. Well yes it did build trust, she knows I’m a man who goes straight from work to home and doesn’t deviate anywhere but there’s still doubt that she has.
The issue I see is that she obsesses over my exact location, I’ll be home working on my car (organizing my trunk, cleaning work equipment, etc) in the apartment building complex garage and I’ll get a text “You must you prefer being in your car instead of coming up to me” or “I see you got home and decided to walk your dog instead of coming upstairs to give me love” “I see you went to McDonald’s” “You haven’t left home to go to work yet?”
Some of these comments annoy me because I feel controlled, especially when there’s a perfect, good reason for why I do what I do. I always have a good reason and she says oh OK.
Recently we argued and she mentioned that she doesn’t trust me so I got angry and said well if you don’t trust me then I’m removing the location because then what’s the point, which I did.
Now she only mentioned that because sometimes she says things she doesn’t mean, but that’s the point I’m trying to make, to show her not to say things she doesn’t mean because there are consequences.
I have no problem giving her my location, but the reason she wants my location is so she can obsess about my exact coordinates.
She says she wants my location so she can know where I’m at in case something happens to me like an emergency situation. I’m 29 years old nothing has ever happened to me and my mother has never asked me for my location so I don’t find that excuse good enough.
Early in our relationship, she taught me how to play chess so she has way more experience than me and I’ve only really played against her. She challenged me to a game of chess and the winner gets what they want. She assumed she would win since I had never won a game against her.
I told her if you lose… you lose my location forever!! Or until we have kids.
I didn’t think I would beat her in chess. Last night she put out the chessboard and well I beat her pretty badly obviously she’s upset about it and she still requesting my location.
I told her Baby love you need to keep your word, you’re the one that challenged me, you’re the one that pulled out the chessboard and now you don’t like the results that’s not my problem, you need to keep your word.
Am I the jerk for removing my iPhone GPS location and now denying her that privilege since she lost fair and square?
By the way, those who play chess, I beat her so badly that she refused to shake my hand when she had no moves left and continued the game till the only piece on her board was a king.
I had checkmate in nine moves after she made a mistake but I strung her along till the end giving her a chance to beat me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself for staying in a relationship with her. If she still doesn’t trust you after your willingness to share your location, and turning your location share into an obsession then she never will.
She needs to seek professional help. She is the jerk for being so immature and acting like a toddler when she doesn’t get her way.” CallingThatBS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except to yourself. She is a needy child. Her obsession with your location at all times is a big red flag.
It is controlling. Forget children with her. Imagine how obsessive and intrusive she would be to kids. She also showed you she is a poor sport and doesn’t keep their word. How many other flags do you need?” More-Yogurtcloset531
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Long before there were location apps, I had a husband who wanted to know where I was every minute of the day.
He wanted to control everything about me, including asking me what I was thinking all the time. I am here to tell you that no one can live that way on a long-term basis. This woman has all the red flags of a classic controlling and stalking personality.
Yes, I said stalking, because that is what she is using the location app for and no other reason. It will not get better as is evidenced by the way she reacted when she lost. She could not handle losing control and her ability to stalk you.
Please do not consider marrying or having kids with this woman. You deserve a better life!” Expensive_Excuse_597
17. AITJ For Not Attending My Former Best Friend And Brother-In-Law's Second Wedding?
“Over the last 15+ years, I became best friends with my BIL.
However, he ran off with another woman and was living a double life with her and her children. Then ultimately ended up divorced from his wife of 10+ years and left her and his 4 children. After some time they ended up getting back together. With less than two weeks’ notice, we were sent an invitation to their second wedding via a group text message.
We already have plans. On top of having plans, we have no desire to attend.
This started with him ghosting everyone in his life, including his family. He would disappear and not tell his wife where he was for days/weeks at a time. Since I was closer to him I slowly figured out a few things that he had going on.
But he never talked to me about any of this even when I tried to pry it out of him.
The process of his divorce began one day when his ex asked me if he was okay, or if I had heard from him because she had not for some time.
He and I weren’t talking at this point but I had connected plenty of dots and had actual, legitimate proof of what had been going on. I also don’t think the gal he ran off with was the only time he was seeing other women, but not my business.
The SIL didn’t want to believe any of what was happening because a lot of it seemed unbelievable to her. It was when he was trying to purchase a lavish home to live in with his partner that the ex got a lawyer and started taking a little advice.
She was able to stop him from purchasing it with his partner since they were still married legally. But he did purchase the home and then proceeded to live there with his partner. No divorce proceedings had even started at this point, this is just when our SIL may have believed us.
After all this, he ended up with nobody and soon came crawling back to his ex-wife. Popping in and out of his kids’ lives, adding to their newfound abandonment issues. Confusing everyone involved. She soon took him back.
The mansion is for sale and they lost a lot because of his bad decisions.
I tried having conversations with him and tried to confront him for quite some time before it got to the point that it did. He would always cancel on me or not answer. I never wanted to go behind his back to his wife, but he was going to ruin his family’s lives and leave them with NOTHING.
His ex-wife/fiancé has never shown any gratitude or thanks for the things people did to help and has really treated some of them poorly.
Is he doing the right thing for his family? Maybe, but I don’t know. I think that he hasn’t changed.
My wife wants nothing to do with their wedding either and to my knowledge, we are the only members of his immediate family not attending. Some of my wife’s family members are pushing us to go and acting like we’re the bad guys.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would put some serious distance between you and these people. If I read correctly, they’re your wife’s family. Given how your BIL treated you it doesn’t sound like there’s a friendship to salvage, so you should follow your side lead on how she wants to manage the relationship with her family.” willikersmister
16. AITJ For Moving In With My Dad After My Mom Became Unsupportive Post Coming Out?
“So I (16m) have divorced parents, one lives in Kansas and the other lives in Utah. I lived with my mom for 16 years but I would visit my dad over the summer.
I’m close to both of my parents, so it was hard to make the decision.
Three years ago, I came out to my mom and told her I was gay. She said she was fine with it, but she didn’t seem fine with it. I don’t know what would be going on in a person’s mind if their son just came out so I don’t blame her.
But her entire mood changed.
She started handing me girl stuff like nail polish and said “Every gay person loves painting their nails”, and I do like painting my nails. It was just the way she said it. But as soon as I started to put the polish on, she took the bottle and yelled at me and said “Boys don’t put nail polish on!”.
The three summers I spent with my dad, after coming out, were awesome. He’s very supportive of my decisions and he’s always checking up on my mental health.
This year, (2024) my mom went through a breakup with her fiancé, so we moved to a small apartment.
We stayed there without my stepdad for, 2 months. After the second month, my mom started seeing her ex-fiancé again and he eventually moved in.
This is the time of year when I had troubles with school too. My friends were always yelling at me, calling me a liar, or just plain ignoring me.
So I told my friends I wasn’t going to be near them anymore and they started calling me selfish and saying I only think about myself.
Every day I would get home from school and all the being yelled at, and all I wanted to do was sit in bed and cry.
But my mom would yell at me to do dishes or clean up after my stepdad. My mom could’ve yelled at one of my 8 siblings to do it but it was always me.
Then I told my mom I wanted to move in with my dad, and she went ballistic on me.
Saying I can’t take the crap at school, or I don’t want to do chores. But no, when I came out, I expected to get bullied at school. I didn’t expect to get bullied at home too. My mom said if I moved with my dad, she would call the police and tell them I was running away.
So I told her “At least my dad wants me to be happy.” After that, my mom took my phone and all my clothes and told me I was overreacting.
I lived like I was homeless for 2 weeks, until my sister’s high school graduation. Then my dad came down for that and picked me up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for you leaving a toxic household. You deserve to be with someone who supports you and in an environment that doesn’t make you mentally exhausted. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be allowed to live with your dad like you were allowed to live with your mom, so it’s great that you chose to live where you feel best. Your mom only realizing how she treated you now is on her.
Enjoy your life now, and remember, just because someone is your parent doesn’t mean you owe them anything.” Worth_Tip_4877
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m so sorry you went through all of that and am glad you’re in a safer home. Congratulations on coming out.
It is a big step and you are a part of a beautiful community. I hope your mom gets some help and counseling may help you reconcile with all you’ve experienced in the last couple of years.” MaybeitsMe0617
15. AITJ For Refusing To Fix My Car For My Parents To Use?
“My parents have had some bad car luck – both cars in major accidents in the last few weeks. We are happy they are safe and not injured. One car, a company car, which they intend to purchase soon, is undergoing repairs and they have a loaner.
The other car is totaled. Although this sucks, my parents are very well off and can easily afford to buy a new car, lease, or even get a rental for a bit.
My husband and I have two cars. One is our drivable, main vehicle.
The other needs major work, which we have been holding off on due to finances and logistics (e.g., one car works for us for now). My parents tried to pay for the car work earlier this year without asking whether we would be okay with that.
Past experiences show a pattern of these financial goodwills turning into control and reasons why our boundaries are unreasonable to them. Ultimately, we told them we did not feel comfortable taking financial assistance from them. We sense my parents feel like we are ungrateful because we have decided we need to handle this and don’t want to take money from them.
With my parents’ car situation, they just asked us for the following favor. To avoid having to pay for a new car lease or a rental and because they have supported us when we needed help (their words), they want us to arrange to have our secondary car fixed so they can pick it up when they visit their new grandchild and drive it for six months.
In exchange, they will pay for the repairs. From their perspective, this is a mutually beneficial offer rather than a favor on our part. From our perspective this a) crosses a boundary we have been trying to hold with the financial piece and b) feels like a big request to make of very soon-to-be (again 3.5 or less weeks) first-time new parents.
We would need to arrange a tow, figure out the shop to take the vehicle to, get our insurance in order, update the car registration, and then hand it off to my parents (who are hours away) all while also trying to wrap up our to-do list before Baby arrives any day now and possibly continuing to handle this in the first couple weeks postpartum with no sleep and a new little life to focus on.
We feel like this is another example of the stress and boundary crossing they bring into our lives with little consideration for what we have going on. However, if that were to be communicated then we would be ungrateful and not helpful.
So, as an exhausted 3rd trimester first-time Mama, WIBTJ to tell my parents that while we want to help them and appreciate the financial offer attached, this is an unreasonable request at this time?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not obligated to do what they ask, so not a jerk. Here is the one trick in-laws don’t want you to know; you have the power to say no and do not have an obligation to explain yourself. You just say “We thank you for your offer but we don’t want to do that.
But a long-term car rental should be cheaper than the car repair.” Look up a few long-term rental venues so you can be extra helpful. I bet you a doughnut that no explanation would make them happy anyway. I bet you another doughnut that any attempt to explain yourself will just be nitpicked to death.
So just say no thank you. And if asked why for the Nth time, because you two don’t want to do that. (“Why?! It would save you money and this and that and the other! I know, we just don’t wanna. But why?! Because we don’t wanna.
But thanks for offering again. Still don’t wanna”.)” Unlucky-Clock5230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations, your parents have successfully made *their* problem *your* problem. This is par for the course when dealing with controlling, boundary-stomping parents. Give their problem back to them. No explanation is needed. As a warning, your upcoming childbirth will be all about them.
Don’t be afraid to set firm boundaries including kicking them out of the hospital and/or your home. Talk to hubby beforehand and have a plan for when they overstep everything.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, With people like this, please remember that your reasons/explanations are simply objections to overcome.
I’m guessing these are the type of people that will argue about everything and next thing you know, you’re fighting about things that have nothing to do with the original issue. The more you explain yourself, the more exhausted you’ll be. The best thing you can do is to keep it simple.
Say no. You can say something like, “Unfortunately that won’t work for us. But good luck in figuring it out” terpischore761
14. AITJ For Wanting To Exclude A Friend From Our Tennis Practices?
“I have a group of 6 friends. We all met at a tennis club, and due to being a similar age we ended up quite close. We have these group lessons at the club twice a week, and we go to almost every single one of these lessons.
One of the guys in the group, Alex, and I are very serious about getting better and playing some tournaments soon, so we said we’d play an hour before the group lessons whenever we could. We’re not always able to book a court, plus occasionally Alex or I might work late, so we usually just confirm a day or two ahead of the lesson whether we’ll play an extra hour.
We did this a few times.
Jack, another guy in the group, is closer friends with Alex. So when he heard from Alex that he and I played an hour before the lesson, he asked Alex if he could join us. Alex asked me if I minded and I said I didn’t mind, which was true at the time.
However, after doing this a few times I didn’t like it. When there are 3 of us, we have to take turns to play, and it breaks the rhythm for me since I like to stay active for the whole duration. Plus, Jack is always complaining about being tired and doesn’t take exercises that we do very seriously, which honestly really annoys me.
(To clarify though I do like hanging out with Jack in and outside of the club, I just don’t enjoy playing a session alone with him)
Whenever Alex and I arrange to play we do it privately instead of in the group chat. It’s not really intentional it was just out of habit since we started doing this before we had a group chat together.
Jack would always message Alex directly and at this point, Alex would just tell me “Hey Jack’s coming as well” without asking anymore.
I tried to hint at this passively. A few times Jack asked Alex before I even arranged to play with him. So when I asked Alex, he told me “Jack already messaged me wanting to play, so let’s play together”.
So then I would tell him “Nah he made the plan with you first, I don’t want to intrude, just play with him and we can play next time instead” hoping that he understands I want to play with him alone, but next time we arrange a session Jack would join again anyways.
I’ve tried asking other people in the friend group to join to make the number even but the others have to come from further away so they’re not usually able to come early. I’ve also tried playing alone with Jack as well when Alex can’t make it, but almost every session he says he’s tired slows the rhythm way down, and really doesn’t take the exercises that seriously.
WIBTJ I just told Jack directly to please stop asking to join our sessions. Honestly, I don’t want to hurt his feelings since we’re friends as well and I really don’t want to force Alex into an awkward position (the two of them I feel are closer friends outside of tennis).
But I don’t know how else to handle this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. However, would it work with a conversation with Alex where you both tell Jack that you need one of the days to go hard with Alex? And the other day can be the three of you.
You’d still be cutting out Jack but it would be for one day a week. If you have a tournament in mind, then you could use that as an excuse that you need the prep time.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but what about asking Alex how it feels?
The way I see it this is not about being a jerk to Jack but just wanting to practice harder, and tennis at 3 isn’t fun. Maybe Alex is ok with playing with Jack on his own, and you can find another day to play with Alex 1vs1?” vaaal88
13. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Partner's Brother's Cat 24/7?
“My partner‘s brother is new here in Canada, and quite reclusive.
He’s very shy, he’s got no friends here, nor any family aside from his sister and myself. He suffers from some mental illness, and is known to blow up if he gets upset (he has been in a psychiatric hold in a hospital before).
He has a cat, and I think it’s an amazing relationship that they have even though his cat is a jerk lol. He likes to travel quite a bit, and when that happens, the expectation is that my partner and I watch his cat.
I would never object to doing something like this, in general, but he expects that we either bring the cat to our condo for the duration of his trip or go and stay over at his place for the duration of his trip to be with the cat 24/7.
He says it’s because he’s worked from home his entire life, the cat is very used to someone there and needs to be around someone all of the time. Generally speaking, I don’t have any opinion on how people raise their pets because it has nothing to do with me, so I won’t argue that logic.
However, I am pushing back at this time because I believe it is ridiculous and unreasonable to expect my partner and me to have to either bring the cat to a condo or to go and stay over at his place for the rest of the trip.
In the past, I’ve knuckled under and accommodated his request because my partner was begging me, due to her fear that he would completely blow up and do something terrible to himself, etc. There was even a point where their parents visited, and the four of them took a trip and I had to go stay alone at his house for four nights to watch his cat.
He is planning a trip to Japan in December, and I am pushing back on the request that we stay at his house or bring the cat here (it sheds heavily, and it bothers my nose and throat). I have always maintained that I have no problem looking after the Cat by going by and spending some time with it and making sure that it has food, water, and clean litter.
My partner is saying she’s afraid of the reaction so it’s just easier to do what he wants, but I think that’s ridiculous and just because he has a mental illness it does not give you a get-out-of-jail-free card. She’s saying that she will go stay at the house by herself for 10 days, but then I feel like the jerk for a separate reason which is not being there with her because I’m quite adamant about my position.
Oh, and I know for a fact that if we do get into a discussion and he doesn’t like our response and throws a complete tantrum and does something crazy and stupid, his sister will get extremely upset and then blame me for not knuckling under.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right. Your partner’s brother is emotionally abusive using his mental illness as a shield. I would suggest that you agree to your partner going and staying with the cat. You can’t fix this. Your partner is in his thrall and his patsy.
She has been trained all her life to accede to his demands. You on the other hand can show her a different way of being in the world. You can give her time to think about what sacrifices she is willing to make so he can have fun.
He is traveling on her emotional dime.” feminist1946
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one. For now, I suggest your partner go and stay at his place for 10 days. It will immediately relieve the pressure. Then you can talk to your brother about future arrangements.
But you need to have this discussion with your partner first. If he knows the cat is cared for *this time* he may stay calm enough to listen to you. Tell him you can see this expectation has been established but *after December* you no longer want to decamp to his apartment.
He can hire a house sitter, he can board the cat, he can accept your offer of daily visits, and he can reconsider his travel. With many mental illnesses, it’s ok and appropriate to have reasonable limits. Success or failure is so often down to the delivery.
I hope you succeed and you and your partner can agree on a plan.” Firm-Molasses-4913.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He is a boat rocker. She is angry that you won’t help her steady the boat. 24/7 care is unreasonable to ask of someone. It would be expensive to get a professional petsitter because he is asking for a LOT.
So it’s beyond just doing family a favor. It upends your life.” rora_borealis
12. AITJ For Publicly Confronting My Aunt On Social Media?
“I (32M) grew up in a very conservative Christian family. I left the church when I was 28 simply because I realized that while I had respect for Christianity as a religion, it was not something that I believed in. On top of that, I came out as bisexual and I’ve seen how a lot of people in the LGBTQ community are treated by a lot of people in my church.
My aunt Gia (60F) has always had a reputation in the family as gossip and also is notorious for her mean-spirited behavior. On top of that, she is what I call a super Christian and believes in forcing her religion down everybody’s throats. As you can probably guess my aunt is extremely homophobic and as a result, I never told her about my sexuality simply because I did not want the drama.
Somehow last year she found out and according to the rest of my family members, she had a meltdown. And ever since then, she has been posting a lot of homophobic rhetoric on social media.
Now, normally I would not say anything to her about it because I have been conditioned from birth to be a complete pushover, but I’m not going to lie, it started to bother me because it started feeling like a personal attack.
Needless to say, our relationship has not been good for the past year because I cannot see myself being close to somebody who has these negative opinions about me.
Yesterday, I was at work when I went on social media and saw that she once again posted homophobic rhetoric.
So I decided that if she was comfortable posting such hatefulness on the Internet, I would then in turn let her know how I feel about it publicly. So I decided to comment under her post and this is what I said:
“Every time you post crap like this it reminds me why I left Christianity.
it’s one thing to have your own beliefs and opinions but it’s another thing to attack a community because they believe differently than you.. this is not the first time you have posted stuff like this. Every time you post crap like this makes me NOT want to call you my family because I refuse to associate with individuals who are this hateful..
doesn’t 1 John 4:8 say that God is love? How could a loving god breed such hatefulness? Sad…”
A couple hours later I started getting phone calls from my family members asking if I was OK because my aunt is now upset claiming that I “cursed her out on social media.” On top of that, she’s refusing to now come to our family Thanksgiving celebration if I’m there.
If I’m being completely honest, I don’t think I said anything in that comment that was rude. At the most, I used two curse words, but neither of them was directed at her specifically but more at the things that she was posting.
Most of my family is on my side and states that while I probably should’ve not used profanity, I was completely right with what I said, but some of my friends think that I went too far because she’s family. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family isn’t an excuse to tolerate and condone hate. And like you said God is love and we are supposed to love like He does…without judgement or conditions. The cussing isn’t polite but it’s not like you used it every other word and called her unforgivable things.
I’m sorry she’s like that. But stand firm.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh no! You cursed! Prepares to faint. I seriously doubt your Aunt is this upset over one swear word in your post. What upset her is you told the truth (which most people react worse to anyway, lol) and showed why she is posting this and how badly she is behaving towards you.
It’s not a good look for her and probably why she’s really upset. I’d tell your Mom the only apology she’ll get from you is “I’m sorry I said crap when you keep treating me like crap.” Your aunt not being at Thanksgiving sounds like a good thing frankly.” KimB-books cats-11
Another User Comments:
“First, let me assure you if she had even the slightest clue what being a true Christian meant she would not be a gossip or spread hate. Sadly, too many churches forget to open the Bible or they pull verses out of context and harp on those because it’s not going to step on any toes of their congregation.
Hateful posts or memes won’t sway anyone. Nor will attacking those posts. If you want to open her eyes, you should sit down with her and talk it out like an adult. For that reason, I’m going with ESH.” SchipperLeeLuv
11. AITJ For Accusing My Ex Of Faking His Anxiety For Attention?
“I am on the spectrum so it’s hard for me to tell. My older sister is diagnosed with anxiety. I know anxiety can come in different forms but I believe (& my sister as well) that someone is using their “anxiety” to manipulate me.
I am a girl. A guy named Trey is the son of Dad’s friend. Sometimes he’d come around and we became friends, then he asked me out and we were together for a month. We go to the same school, this is the first year we had classes together.
He makes it well known that he has anxiety for me and everyone around us. We have 4 classes together – in 2 we sit at the same table.
Here’s the issue – I suspect that Trey is faking his anxiety or using it as manipulation. In the two classes where we sit close, he always suddenly starts breathing heavily and working up a worried expression, burying his face in his hands and shaky breath.
It lasts for like 20 seconds, then repeats about 20 minutes later. I know to be polite and ask if he’s okay but it just feels very off. From knowing my sister she seems genuinely scared of panic attacks. Trey doesn’t seem scared he just seems… calmer immediately after someone gives him empathy.
Sometimes I even see a smirk. Or he’ll suddenly go into an “anxiety attack”, saying “it feels like the world is caving in” over and over and then… *RUN* over to adjacent tables to put his head on their desks and get their sympathy. Kinda distracting imo but he doesn’t leave until someone asks him if he’s alright.
It just is kinda off usually in anxiety attacks you’d be just trying to get through it so I’d find it hard to immediately think about running to adjacent tables and making it known. I thought most people don’t want others to know when these panic attacks happen.
He keeps doing it more and more, it’s like a daily occurrence by now. He only started after we began being together.
In the two classes we aren’t sitting close, he will never have a single anxiety attack. He’ll be loudly talking to friends. It just is kinda off because his behavior isn’t ever consistent.
Anyway, he doesn’t do this anxiety stuff in front of Dad or when we all are together. The guy seems charismatic otherwise, kind and polite. But yeah after a month I felt like he was fishing for attention and sympathy from others so I broke up with him – politely ofc.
I just made some excuse that I wasn’t ready. Needed time to phrase it correctly to Dad so I kept the news to myself. Well, our families had dinner together last weekend and in front of everyone, Trey asked me why I broke up with him.
Huge shock for everyone. He started accusing me of seeing someone else as the reason since I was “giving him less attention at school” and I didn’t handle this very well but I was embarrassed and mad and impulsively said that it was because he was a dramatic person and manipulating others with his “anxiety.” Dead silence, awkward drive home.
Dad is mad at me, other family is mad at me too. AITJ for having this opinion, and AITJ for my actions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would stop accusing him of faking and just play his game: “I broke up with you because it’s clear that I constantly trigger your anxiety.
You are completely fine when I am not around, but whenever I am with you, you have an attack. This type of relationship was never going to work.”” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight. You were with a charismatic guy.
He was giving you some solid red flags so you broke up with him. He called you out in the middle of a social dinner and accused you of seeing someone else. You were caught off guard and were possibly a bit too honest And you’re the one they’re mad at?
Honestly, it doesn’t matter if he does have anxiety, accusing you of seeing someone else in front of everyone is like a red tarp it’s such a huge warning sign. Sure, you could have been more tactful in the situation, but he backed you into a corner.
If you have to endure some anger from both families, that’s a small price to pay to avoid what was the wrong relationship for you. NTJ. Be proud of how you stood up for yourself and don’t back down.” The_T0me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My guess is maybe because you’re on the spectrum you see through his act where others maybe don’t. You don’t need to give a reason. Be prepared in the future with a standard line like it just wasn’t a fit for me.
You also could have planned better by telling your dad before you went to his house for dinner. Your dad needs to have your back and you could have set that up better. None of this is your fault and you are NTJ but just trying to help you see how you can also help yourself better.” TresWhat
10. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over A Calendar Conflict?
“My (15F) home situation is really unstable. My brother Mark (13M) has autism and ADHD, my mom has ADHD and my dad has autism.
My dad and Mark have anger issues. For about a year and a half now my dad ignores Mark and doesn’t eat or talk to us when my brother is present. My mom excuses Mark’s behavior because “it is not his fault”. Mark also got kicked out of a school for special needs a year ago and it caused my mom to have a second burnout.
Since then she hasn’t been able to work.
We have some family experts and psychologists, but I’ve never been involved in anything, it’s only about the relationship between my mom, dad, and Mark. This is the way it’s always been, which is why I’m independent.
I study at the highest level school there is in my country, play volleyball and tennis, work in a restaurant, tutor, babysit, and hang out with friends. I’m not dependent on my parents, I make enough money to buy my clothes, and rarely eat at home but when I do I cook for myself or eat leftovers.
I also help my mom to keep the house clean. For the past year, I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder and anxiety, which is inconvenient.
A month ago I asked my dad to go with me to get my tragus pierced, as I’m under the age of 16.
The first available date was 8 October. Since the date was set I have been so excited and have been looking forward to it every day.
The issue came up when my mom texted me a couple of hours ago that I had to move the appointment because she had planned a therapy session for my parents with their new relationship therapist. We have a communal calendar with only one rule, whoever writes something down first ALWAYS gets priority.
I wrote the piercing appointment down a month ago and my mom planned the session anyway. When I read her text I was confused and when I asked her about it she just dismissed me. She has gotten angry at me so many times for not following the calendar and not planning things fitted to the calendar.
The way she just pushes aside this one thing I needed from my dad and I am so excited about hurts me. By the way, I can move the appointment but the next available date is about a month away and I have to pay a cancellation fee.
I decided to not confront my mom when I got home and to sleep on it, but after she kept nagging me about it I got angry, cried, and told her how it made me feel. She didn’t listen and started telling me I was being ungrateful and unreliable.
This is where I ended the conversation and told her I didn’t want to continue talking to her when she wasn’t listening to me and I went to my room. After she came into my room several times to repeat what she said before I snapped and called her selfish and entitled hypocrite.
I feel guilty for snapping at her but I’m also still really hurt.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to give a judgment. I’m just going to say that you are a kid and deserve a stable home life. Sounds like you have your things together.
Save money and go to college and hopefully stay in the dorms. Leave all this chaos behind you as soon as you can.” PobodysNerfecttt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother was behaving like a selfish, entitled hypocrite, AND kept chasing you and nagging you until you exploded?
That’s all on her. You tried to be calm and nonconfrontational about the situation (in which YOU were following the established house rules and she wasn’t!). She wouldn’t let you! I’m sorry you seem to be the only adult in your household.” PrairieGrrl5263
Another User Comments:
“For what you’re going through kiddo, sounds like you have your head on straight. Keep looking out for yourself, and when you can get out of there. Also, you don’t have to put up with ANY physical violence, I don’t care what he’s been diagnosed with.
Don’t hesitate to get the authorities involved, you need to protect yourself – because your parents aren’t taking care of their business right now.” Orphan2024
9. AITJ For Not Including My Freeloading SIL In My DoorDash Order?
“I (38F) live in a two-bedroom apartment with my husband (43M) and sister-in-law (46F). My husband and I both work; I have two jobs, one of which requires getting up at 4:00 am.
My SIL does not work and has a history of being unable to hold onto a job. She is also the most unpleasant person I’ve ever met: she’s very negative, she trauma dumps, she has jealousy issues, and she frequently overshares things I do not need to hear about (like last week when she described her digestive distress as I was trying to eat my yogurt).
Last year, my mother-in-law passed away. She was the only person who was willing to put up with my SIL’s antics. Since no one else would take her in, my husband and I opened our home to her.
She is on food stamps so she can get her food, but otherwise: she doesn’t contribute to the household much since she does not work.
So she does not pay rent or any bills. All day, she sits on her butt, enjoying our TV and wifi, and does nothing. She agreed to help out with housework, but every time I come home from work, I’m greeted by a mountain of dishes in the kitchen sink that she just left there.
Since I work two jobs and get tired, I sometimes order DoorDash. When I do, she gets visibly jealous and sulky about it, staring at me the entire time I eat it. This makes me so uncomfortable that I’ve started taking my food to my bedroom to eat it.
Yesterday, I got fed up. After an exhausting day at work, my husband and I were watching TV in our living room (she was in the room, too). He decided to order himself DoorDash– and I decided to order my own as well. Only this time, I did not take my Chipotle burrito upstairs: I sat right there in the living room, continued to watch my TV show, and ate my burrito as my SIL silently glowered from across the room.
I ignored her, kept watching my show and eating, and then went to bed when I was done so I could get up at 4:00 am again. I also refused to wash the dishes she left in the sink.
I woke up this morning to a message from my husband telling me that my SIL is upset because I ordered DoorDash “right in front of her” and “didn’t even ask if she wanted anything.” He said that she is “uncomfortable” with us eating out since she isn’t able to go out to eat.
She also commented about me going to bed without washing the dishes, too. He didn’t take her side, but I’m upset about it.
SIL is refusing to speak to me today, but I am not going to be manipulated. I bust my butt all day every day across two jobs– then come home from those two jobs and do all the housework my SIL refuses to do (the only exception being last night).
If I want to order DoorDash, I’m going to freakin’ order DoorDash. I earned that burrito fair and square, and I don’t think I should have to be sorry about it.
AITJ for refusing to include my SIL in my DoorDash order?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, but one of the common themes of posts on this sub is people who over-commit. The issue isn’t the doordash, even if you changed how you order food, there will still be problems. The issue is that you agreed to take in someone to live with you who a) you despise, and b) cannot contribute to the household in any meaningful way.
Why? Y’all need to only offer what you can give, and you clearly cannot give what you have offered. NTJ but y’all easily could have foreseen issues being moving in with a person you don’t like who doesn’t pay any rent to live with you.
The solution is making her leave because living with someone you dislike so strongly who offers nothing to your relationship is not ever going to be anything but what it is right now.” BigBigBigTree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you came home to a sparkly clean house pretty much every day and a pleasant smile from your sister-in-law, I would imagine you would wanna include her at times.
Where is her gratitude for letting her stay without any rent and utilities in a safe place? Good for you for not letting her take a little enjoyment and reward from your day. I also enjoy a Chipotle burrito now and then.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is a jerk. He should have told her to get a job and do some housework and also she doesn’t get a right to make you uncomfortable in your home. It’s time she moves out. I’d have a sit down with your husband and ask him why the heck he didn’t tell her to shut up and get busy.
That she’s not entitled to say anything about how you live in your house when she’s a freeloader. And then ask him when she’s leaving because you’re done. Time for her to start adulting. NTJ.” corgihuntress
8. AITJ For Letting My Neighbors Use My Pool?
“I (30M) sold my business and retired about a year ago. I ended up moving to the South and buying a big house in a semi-rural area, with a large pool in the backyard. The house is sort of standalone but is adjacent to a neighborhood of smaller homes.
It’s a nice, friendly community, and several neighbors brought over cakes, cookies, etc, after I moved in. Usually, I ended up in polite conversation for 20 minutes each time, which I regarded as the social mores necessary in this sort of community. Two of these neighbors were college-aged girls.
After talking for a bit, they mentioned they were competitive swimmers. The previous homeowner allowed them to use the pool for them to practice swimming daily, and they asked if they could continue doing this. They already had a key to my backyard (not to the house), which proved their case, and offered to give it back if I wasn’t comfortable.
I felt a bit put on the spot, but didn’t want to be an unfriendly neighbor and also didn’t see the harm so I said sure, as long as I wasn’t using it.
Anyway, it all turned out fine. They started using my pool in the early mornings of the week, usually when I was still sleeping.
I occasionally saw them out there and waved, but didn’t interact too much. On the first Saturday after we spoke, they came over later in the morning, so I went out there to be friendly. I found out that they were way younger than I realized. I panicked a bit and asked for their parents’ details so I could make sure they were comfortable with everything.
I spoke to their mom on the phone and she was very friendly and appreciative that they could use my pool because swimming is a big deal for them. I also called a teacher friend of mine about any risk I was exposing myself to, but he said it was fine as long as I wasn’t alone with either of them, so I have made sure that doesn’t happen.
Since then, they have been in this routine for a few months now. They come over in the early mornings during weekdays and slightly later on the weekends, letting themselves in and out via a gate in the rear fence. They are very friendly, polite girls and, from what I can gather, A-type students.
I have got to know them quite well and also chat with their mom when I see her.
Anyway, this weekend, I met a girl and hit it off. She ended up coming back to mine and stayed the night. Everything was going nicely until she saw them in the yard the next morning, asking why I had “half-dressed girls” in my backyard, whether I had a string of women on the go, etc. I reacted with a “no way”, and told her they were my neighbors and were just kids and it wasn’t anything like that.
When she heard their age she said it was even more disgusting and I was creepy. She then got her stuff together and left.
I still don’t feel I am doing anything wrong. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They are young. I’d talk to their parents and advise them there now needs to be an adult (not you) with the girls when they swim.
It’s about liability, if there is an accident, and covering your back if anyone accuses you of impropriety. You’re a 30-year-old male living solo and any neighbor can start rumors. As far as it being an inconvenience for the parents: You are being extremely generous letting the girls use the pool daily.
It’s the least they can do for you, as you are saving them from having to drive the girls to a training pool.” Only-Ingenuity7889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a nuanced situation. You seem to be aware of the optics and how they can come off.
But if you are being truthful with your post here I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the situation. That being said people who have preconceived notions about how men interact with young girls I doubt there will be anything you can do to dissuade them of your wrongdoing.
All in all, tread carefully but you aren’t doing anything wrong. A suggestion I’d make is cameras as another person said. You may want to consult with someone as to whether you should point them at the pool or not. Filming young girls is also kinda sus.
I’d personally just put cameras on the entrances to the pool area. At least that way you aren’t filming them and you can prove you didn’t interact if you need to.” Mejai91
Another User Comments:
“In terms of the pool access, I would go see the mum, and say that you mentioned this situation to your lawyer, who advised you that she, their mother, has to be there with them, and for them to potentially sign a legal waiver, freeing you from any future legalities.
If she argues, insist that your lawyer was very direct about this – because in reality, what happens if they hurt themselves, or even drown, then is the family going to go after you? What happens if the girls make up an accusation against you?
I would personally not be comfortable with this. In terms of your date, tell her to get lost.” mcgaffen
7. AITJ For Joking About Keeping My Friend's Kitten?
“I (22F) had a best friend of the same age. Back in June, one of her cats had passed away, and all of us in the friend group knew how much she loved that cat.
Fast forward to mid-July, her father had brought home a little kitten that he found at his workplace. She was pretty mad at her dad because she felt he should have just sent the kitten to the shelter instead of bringing it home.
All of us were doting on the kitten because it’s really cute and small.
On the second day of her taking care of the cat, she mentioned that the cat had some intestinal problems wasn’t eating right, and might not survive. Still, she continued to share photos and videos of the kitten playing and jumping around. One of us asked her if she was going to keep it.
She said that she might not keep it as she still has another pretty territorial cat. At this point, I didn’t think she’d keep the kitten as it’s already hard on her that her last cat had passed away, she’d mentioned her other cat was territorial and now this kitten is sick.
Later that day, I sent the photo of the kitten to my mum. The convo went like this;
Me: My friend got a new kitten lolol can we keep it [photo of kitten]
Mum: No way, you know how I feel about keeping cats at home
I screenshotted it and sent it to my friend to show my mum’s funny response, as we all knew my mum loves cats but can’t be bothered to actually take care of one. For context, I always show my mum my friends’ pets anyway because she likes to see the photos.
I was ignored for super long. I asked her what was wrong and she didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t reply to my messages but replied to other friends and was posting online as usual. It was to the point she was lacking so many replies I had to plan for my birthday (she’d wished me at the beginning of July and mentioned we should go out to celebrate).
Eventually, she told me that I was being “insensitive” and that it was “obvious that she wanted to keep the kitten” and that I “didn’t care about her feelings or the kitten’s health, as long as I get to have it to myself”.
I was confused because there were a lot of signs pointing to her not wanting to keep the kitten anyway, and she didn’t mention that she was upset with me.
I apologized profusely anyway for hurting her feelings but mentioned it wasn’t fair that she went 2 weeks ignoring me to the point my birthday was glossed over. I apologized again and said we should be communicative and transparent with each other so that we don’t bottle up our feelings.
She said okay. We continued to be friends as normal and nothing else was brought up since.
2 months later, she cut me off as a friend and said that I had an attitude problem, and brought up the kitten story again as part of her reason.
Now we’re no longer friends. AITJ for saying I wanted to keep her kitten?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is being overly sensitive, you were being unserious about keeping the new cat (you just wanted to elicit a funny response from mom), even apologized. Does not warrant being cut off as a friend.
She reacted like you killed her previous cat or something.” anchorman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your friend sounds like she has serious problems. And projects a lot of her instability on you. I just feel bad for the kitten. She should take it to the vet instead of saying “It might not survive.” I say good riddance to her and hopefully, the kitten gets a good home and she doesn’t own any more pets.” Looleeloowoo
6. AITJ For Returning My Dementia-Suffering Dad's Cats To The Shelter?
“Two important notes upfront about my dad:
1. He has dementia and is on a severe decline.
2. He loves cats and insists on getting more of them, forgetting the ones he already has.
In April, my 80-year-old dad decided to adopt a cat. He talked about this for a while and his side of the family thought it would be good since he’s been lonely and always had 2-6 cats around the house.
He has a preferred shelter and I preemptively called to insist they do not let an 80yo with dementia adopt a cat. The shelter agreed it was not sound and confirmed they would put him on a blacklist.
My dad is not in good shape.
He has been having hallucinations and forgetting everything. Earlier this year, we got him round-the-clock care and after he insisted, one caretaker took him to visit the shelter, thinking they would not let him adopt. Well, he left that shelter with 2 cats!
When I saw how happy my dad was, I thought okay, I was wrong about this.
A week later, my dad let 2 strays into his house, believing he adopted all 4, mixing them up, and not realizing how many he had. This spiraled out of control quickly. He forgets to feed the cats. He left windows open on the ground floor, and 2 jumped out and were injured. He accidentally closed the washing machine with one cat inside for a few hours and she was not in good shape after.
The house smells awful because he can’t keep track of the litter boxes, forgetfully tucking them away, so they pee and poop everywhere else.
My siblings and I reached out to family and friends, and no one was open to taking in 2 cats. Our dog is not cat-friendly or dog-friendly, so we posted on social media about rehoming and people were not very nice or committal. A handful of people expressed interest but no one followed up, despite us checking several times.
After weeks of concerning emails from his caretakers and seeing the cats in even worse shape, we decided to take them back to the shelter.
The shelter had the nerve to get mad at us, in part because we showed up with an additional 2 cats.
Thanks to them, I made a dozen extra trips over the past 3 months to care for the cats and I don’t live nearby. I lost it on them and asked how they let this happen. They cleared it because he adopted there 3 times before and he told them he was 60 years old, which they did not confirm.
Ultimately, they accepted all 4 of the cats after a lengthy chat and since then, they have been adopted in pairs. My dad is very upset but fortunately, does not remember most of the time, only sporadically. Several nosy aunts feel that we “took away his happiness,” yet none offered to help when I asked them to visit.
I don’t have a lot of energy after work and from dealing with my dad’s other messes, but should we have tried something else? AITJ for taking the cats back to the shelter?
P.S. Any suggestions would be helpful on how to prevent him from acquiring more cats, including ones from his backyard, as I see him doing this again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to have a chat with these caretakers. Whichever one took him there should be fired. And it should be very clear that they are NOT permitted to do this. And bear in mind that there does come a time when caretakers, even around the clock, are not sufficient for the need – and he may need an in-residence placement…” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and you are in a very difficult position. Some people who have never been responsible for a failing parent have some wild expectations about what you should be able to do… and as you point out, they are the people who don’t lift a finger to help out.
What you can do is contact every nearby shelter, including the one that took the 4 cats, and ask again that they do not ever give your father cats. Then, it has to be the top priority for every employee on his care team to know that there are never to be any cats in the house.
They are never to go to a shelter and they need to get any stray cats out immediately. You wrote that your dad has 24 care but does he go to any sort of senior center during the day? Some programs accept people with dementia and some of them even have pets on site.
Even without pets, he may be more stimulation by being with a group of people and maybe a little easier for his caregivers to manage at home.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To at least try to reduce the number of stray cats he could adopt, you could look into TNR (trap neuter release) programs for your area.
There used to be a lot of stray cats in the area I live in. One day one of them showed up in our backyard with her newest kittens. We caught all of them with the help of an organization that provided traps to catch them.
The kittens were adopted as pets. The cat’s mom was too old to become an indoor pet so she was neutered and released and we fed her. One or two neighbors did the same thing. After a while, there were practically no strays left. When your dad asks where the cats he adopted went (especially the strays), maybe you can tell him they were reunited with their owners.
That way he hopefully won’t worry about them.” AlmostChristmasNow
5. AITJ For Wanting To Curse My Mom Out For Making Jokes About My Health?
“Would I be the jerk if I cursed my mom out for continuously bringing up my medical procedure and making a joke of it after telling her to stop?!
I (F,23) and my partner (M,25) found out I was pregnant in March 2024 (at the time I was 22).
I was 2 months from graduating college and my partner just got an amazing job offer that would be 900 miles away from our home. We went back and forth for a few days deciding on whether to keep the child. It was very emotional for us.
We didn’t feel comfortable bringing a child into a world where both parents were not financially situated. We live in a small apartment and it just wasn’t the right timing for us. We decided to go for a medical procedure and I was emotional that day and weeks after.
I made the mistake of telling my mother I was pregnant (we tell each other everything) her first response was, “So you’re going for the procedure right?” Her bluntness and matter-of-factness were off-putting given that my younger brother (21) and his teenage partner (19) just announced their pregnancy and my mom was ecstatic.
She said I am not ready to be a mother and it’s not the right time. I told her how emotional this was for my partner and me and she confessed she’s had one as well in her 20s but the difference with us, was it didn’t bother her and she was happy at the time, now that she had her procedure.
I asked her not to tell my father and keep my secret.
Since then she has made bad jokes about my procedure after telling her several times how uncomfortable and upset it makes me. Once my brother and his partner invited the family to their apartment to see the nursery.
My partner and I were sitting in the nursery, I was holding a weighted stuffed animal. My mom came in and said “Wow this could’ve been you too.” My partner was uncomfortable and weirded out and I was mortified by her grim smile.
Another time was when my niece was finally born we went to visit her and as I held her for the first time she whispered that I could’ve been having my own child and my brother and I would have cousins grow up together.
This morning, she sent an image of my niece to our family group chat and said how excited she is to be a grandmother and she thinks she’ll have 8 grandchildren, between me and my 2 other siblings. I responded, “8 is a lot, but maybe so [insert partner’s name] wants 3 kids, I think I’ll only have one though.” This woman calls me and says “You know what I called to say right?” She proceeds to say “Well maybe I shouldn’t say anything.
Maybe it’s a bad joke.” I was dry, said OK, and hung up the phone. It’s just extremely insensitive, inappropriate, and honestly annoying as heck given the fact that she was against me continuing to term with my child. I’ve told her to stop talking about it and bringing it up but she doesn’t.
Let alone bringing it up to my partner as well.
Would I be wrong if I cursed her the heck out?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is being incredibly cruel. You made a difficult decision for yourself and told her about it because you are close, but now she’s using it to just beat you up all the time.
I don’t think cursing her out is the way to handle it though, I would tell her “I have asked you repeatedly, for years, to stop making jokes about this. I told you because we are close and I needed you, and you’ve done nothing but make it painful and dragged out for all this time for me.
If you can’t respect my asking you to stop, then I can’t be around you until you do.” Jerseygirl2468
Another User Comments:
“Tell her, tell her how you’re feeling just once, and ask her to stop JUST ONCE. Tell her the consequences of her not stopping with this ridiculous and cruel tirade.
No matter how the procedure happened, no one should be constantly reminding you of it, even less when it was such a hard decision for both of you. Your mother is toxic, completely toxic. I don’t know how that 19-year-old girl is more equipped to be a mother in comparison to you (in your mother’s eyes, at least) so don’t you feel bad for stepping up for yourself.
NTJ!” Beautiful_Rule3029
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is disgusting. She’s probably a narcissist but hasn’t been diagnosed. Next time she mentions this, I will tell her how gross she sounds, making those kinds of comments. Having a medical procedure is one of the hardest decisions any woman has to make.
Let her know that if this type of behavior continues, you will have to go to LC or NC for a while to think about your relationship. She needs to think about the horrible things she’s said about this. Good luck.” CornerAffectionate24
4. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Mother?
“I (F20) work late nights sometimes (late nights meaning like 9/9:30 pm, not too crazy but it does get dark) and tonight was one of those nights. I left my work around 9:10/9:15 and I texted my mum saying I’ll be home after getting some dinner.
I was meant to get the subway for me and my sister after, which is on the way home but the place was a bit busy so it took a while for our order to be made.
While driving, my phone was in my bag which was in the backseat, and my music was connected and playing.
In the middle of driving, my phone died, as my music stopped playing. I was only 5/10 mins away from home so I decided to just keep driving, even though I have a charger in my car. I guess I was in a rush to get home so I left my phone in my bag, which I understand is a silly mistake.
When I got home (around 9:35/9:45), my dad was a bit worried but my mum was hysterical. She was yelling at me in front of my younger sister, and saying all these things about how I should always have my phone charged when working late nights.
I brushed her off a bit and agreed with her, I even apologized, but then she kept going and eventually started crying. I got frustrated and told her to calm down, told her I was fine and I was home. She ran off to her room and I could hear her sobbing.
I understand I made a mistake, I should’ve charged my phone, but I’ve never done this before. Plus I drive my car so it’s not like I take public transport which would put me in danger. She’s asleep now but do I apologize?
Is she overreacting or am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But what is going on with your mum? If you leave work at 9:15 pm and get home at 9:45 pm with a stop at Subway that’s only 30 mins or so. I’m a bit worried about how well she is managing overall.
Might be time to ask some questions about her overall well-being. Is she experiencing anxiety or some other mental health concern? Menopause? Is it time for a GP checkup? Either way, have a bit of a think once you are a bit less frustrated, but from the outside of the situation, I would be inclined to dig a bit deeper.
As far as your description of the situation, I’m not sure her level of concern is sustainable. It would be almost impossible to ensure you can micromanage your life to the degree you will not be running slightly late in the future. If your phone was charged, you should not be answering it, or even checking it while driving anyway.” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is such an overreaction to the situation at hand. She had your entire childhood to hover. You need to learn independence and self-sustainability at this point in your life and it is impossible when you’re still treated like an actual child.
I don’t think an apology is necessary on your part, but maybe a conversation about it could be beneficial. Hope it all works out for you!” Aggravating-Fee-5787
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you’re female. Yes, you were not in by 6 pm. But really, you’re 20 years old.
You have a job. You could be enlisted and deployed by this stage in your life and that’s a real danger. If you don‘t wean her off this controlling behavior (and amateur guilt-laden dramatics) can you imagine the hoops she will (try to) force you to jump through when you move out?
I also imagine that this must impact your social life (or prevent you from having one) if she goes off when you are not contactable. I mean, if you’re in the middle of being intimate and your phone rings…… And don’t ’compromise’ by letting her access your location on your phone (if it’s not drained) as it only encourages more controlling behavior.
You could have excluded the swearing BUT I think it emphasized that you’d had enough of her histrionics and drove your point home. NTJ.” East_Parking8340
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Best Friend's Fiancée Who Wants To Cut Me Out Of His Life?
“I have a guy best friend named Josh that I met online a few years ago. I want to clear the air immediately that we have only ever been friends, I have a fiancé and a baby.
Josh was a shell when I met him.
His partner of 5 years ghosted him, he hated his job and was in general in a really bad place. We met playing an online video game, and shortly after became friends. He and I would often game together, and I tried to help him slowly build his life back up.
He quit his job and pursued his dream career, got back into old hobbies, and even joined social sites.
Fast forward to 2 years ago, Josh and I had been friends for 2 years, when he met Parker. Parker is stunning, and he became enamored quickly. I was so beyond happy for him when they became official. Josh tried introducing Parker and me, but she was super closed off and a little snippy.
Josh said she must’ve just been shy.
Parker never came around to me, purposely ruined our once-a-week game nights, and even planned a surprise vacation the week of my baby’s party, (to which she was also invited) so Josh wouldn’t come. I should add that I’m from New York, and Josh is from Vancouver.
Josh proposed to Parker about a week or so ago, and she said yes. I am stoked that she said yes. However, Josh let me know that Parker and he got into a fight because she didn’t want my fiancé and me to come to the wedding.
I can’t lie that it definitely upset me, I’ve tried really hard to stay on Parker’s good side but I will always understand her point of view because I have been burned by a girl best friend.
Last night Parker called me and said that I wasn’t welcome at her wedding no matter what Josh says and that I should just back off because once they’re married she’s going to make sure I’m out of his life forever.
I tried to explain to her that while I understand her concerns, Josh and I have only ever been friends, and I tried hard to be nice to her. She called me some names and I lost it.
I told her she needs to grow up, that it’s insane she can’t respect Josh’s feelings.
I told her I’ve never been anything but nice to her despite everything she’s ever said and done. I told her we are adults and the fact that she acts like a teenager is sad.
She hung up and now Josh is mad at me because he says I am making things difficult.
I told him that I’d spent 2 years taking mistreatment from her and that he should’ve just let me go no contact when I offered, to save myself from all this stress.
My fiancé is on my side, but a few of my other friends say I had no place being his friend after he found a partner, and that me yelling at her makes me the jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to be honest with you right now you, your partner and some family are the only ones who care about your baby’s party. I don’t blame her at all for having a vacation during the party. I can’t even imagine going from BC to NY for a baby’s birthday party.” Logical_Read9153
Another User Comments:
“You’re probably not going to like my answer. Parker sucks for trying to cut you out of Josh’s life. Josh sucks for not standing up for you as you have done nothing wrong. You suck for keeping this going. Josh has given Parker priority and is going to do what she wants.
It sucks, but you need to let the friendship go. Everyone’s the jerk.” MThomas
Another User Comments:
“If you were living in the same town it’s one thing but since he’s a continent away I’m going to say: Just drop it. It’s not worth it for an internet friend who lives so far away.
Note: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being his friend after he found a partner. I’m a guy who is still close friends with a number of his female friends who are married, their husbands don’t hate me though. Anyone telling you that you had no place being his friend is entirely wrong.
NTJ for yelling at her but if he’s going through with the marriage just leave him alone.” NoHorseNoMustache
2. AITJ For Not Giving My Flatmate Any Lasagne Because He Didn't Help Cook?
“I (21F) have lived with my flatmates Sage (21F), Garret (20M), and Lewis (22M) in our uni flat for a year now.
Garret recently called a flat meeting. Well, he told Lewis he wanted one, Lewis told me and then out of fear and anxiety, I initiated it.
It was about last year. The unequal chores, the “rift” between us, and the hypocrisy.
Within our tenancy last year, Sage and I did all the work around the flat. Sage meal planned, I cooked, and we did all the cleaning. At the beginning of the year, we agreed to share the chores and cook together when we could.
Once in a blue moon, they would clean or wash up. If Garret washed up, it would have to be done again because of a greasy layer every time. It became expected of us to do the work. We did the shopping because they refused. Both ended up owing around £50 each to Sage and I.
Sage fell ill and couldn’t eat most foods. I stopped cooking because she was the only one helping me. When she could eat more after five months, we began cooking together but not for the others. Occasionally we’d offer a portion to them. We were still the only ones cleaning.
I reached my lowest from the mental load of uni work and flat upkeep and just stopped doing what wasn’t mine or Sage’s
We attempted to communicate but were met with attitude. We didn’t try harder because I was scared of Garret. Once, he banged on the wall and stomped on his door because I asked him to be quieter after 23:00.
I ran to lock my door. He banged on it saying he was joking.
In the flat meeting, Garret apologized for making conversations about himself. There was nothing about the banging on walls or the lack of help. Sage and I were called hypocrites for not asking for help cleaning/cooking.
I mentioned that we had a chat about meal planning/recipes. They said it was a pain to access/they would forget about it. Garret blamed his attitude and actions on his suspected ADHD. He said he’s changed and self-reflecting. Sage and I were made to feel guilty for our actions last year.
I proposed we cook together again, to start the “new year” off well. I suggested lasagne and everyone agreed.
Lewis chopped veg with me, I cooked the rest and Sage washed up during/after cooking. Garret said he was sick. I served up to Sage and Lewis.
Garret messaged saying he’d pick up a portion later. I told him that because he didn’t help/pay he didn’t have a portion to pick up. He apologized for the misunderstanding and was quiet until I bumped into him in the kitchen later. I could feel the tension so I said hoped he wasn’t upset about the lasagne.
He snapped that it wasn’t fair that if someone is sick they don’t get to eat with everyone. I argued that when Sage was sick, no one cooked for her. When I cooked last year I got no help and I wanted to set boundaries.
He has been cold and short with me ever since.
I could be blowing this out of proportion. I could have done the good thing and given him a portion because he was sick.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’ve been shouldering an enormous amount of responsibility, and, understandably, you’d feel frustrated and exhausted by the situation.
The way the flatmates, particularly Garret, have treated you and Sage—taking advantage of your willingness to cook and clean, and making excuses for not contributing—really crosses a line. You tried to communicate and even proposed solutions like meal planning and sharing chores, but the response was often dismissive or even antagonistic, which shows a lack of respect for the effort you both put in.
I think it’s important to acknowledge that the initial situation, where you were doing most of the work, created a harmful dynamic. It’s natural to feel resentful when others take advantage of your good nature. In the meeting, you and Sage were criticized for not asking for help, but in reality, you shouldn’t have to ask.
The expectation should have been that everyone shared the responsibility equally, and their failure to do so is a larger issue.
Garret’s actions in the meeting, particularly his apology for only focusing on his own behavior, but not addressing the real issues (like the lack of help or the incident where he was aggressive about noise), is a red flag.
It shows a lack of accountability for his actions. Blaming ADHD for his behavior is a tough one too—it’s important to recognize how ADHD affects people, but it’s not an excuse for not being considerate or avoiding responsibilities. Self-reflection is key, but it sounds like he hasn’t done the necessary work to understand how his actions affected you and Sage.
Regarding the lasagna incident, I think you were right to set boundaries. You and Sage have been more than generous, and the fact that Garret didn’t contribute but still expected a meal is unfair. It’s not about being cruel; it’s about maintaining your own boundaries and making sure your needs are respected. I don’t think you’re blowing things out of proportion.
You’ve tried communicating, setting boundaries, and being fair, but it seems like Garret and the others have been consistently inconsiderate. It’s not about being a “bad person” by sticking to your boundaries; it’s about ensuring that everyone contributes fairly. Hopefully, this experience will help you and your flatmates find a better balance going forward, but it’s clear that you’ve been more than reasonable in your expectations.” User
Another User Comments:
“I feel like Garret needs to have “The Little Red Hen” gifted to him. If you don’t know it, then the hen is making bread and asks the other animals for help with each step nobody helps. At the end, they come to eat and… But the little red hen said, “Oh, no, no, no!
I planted the seeds of wheat, I cut the wheat, I took the wheat to the mill and brought home the flour, and I baked the bread, all by myself. Now I will eat the bread – all by myself!” And so she did, and it was delicious!” sparklestarshine
Another User Comments:
“Do you have to keep living with Lewis and Garrett? Sounds to me like it’s time for you and Sage to move on… Not your responsibility to do anything for anyone other than yourself. Stop being nice. If they want to eat, let them do the purchasing and cooking.” ArreniaQ
1. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Plans My Ex Made After Our Breakup?
“My partner recently broke up with me because she thinks I am not committed to our relationship and showing no initiative in working things out. We started a conflict resolution course, which has some significant time demands to be effective, and although I welcome this, I find it near impossible to work 10 hrs/day, therapy 1x/week, PT 1x/week, come home to have dinner with her and my daughter (from past relationship) and also prioritize doing the module and workbook activities.
Regardless, I think I have shown initiative and enthusiasm in doing these activities and staying on schedule. I do the work every day to some degree.
I dropped the ball and showed no interest in doing the activities one night because I was tired and needed to wake up early.
She called me out on this, making the generalization that I show no initiative and expect her to do all the work. I tried to stay very neutral and calm as she was saying all this because it really felt like a slap in the face.
Long story short, she got very angry, accusatory, critical, assumptive, and demeaning. She said she was “not interested in long-term plans” with me anymore. The time came for her to pay her portion of the rent and utilities, and when I brought this up, she paid and then demanded that I pay her for the reservations we made for the future.
– Flight to her hometown so I could witness her become Godmother to her nieces (I said I would want to come).
– Flight for her friends to fly out here and spend some time with us (I suggested we cover their flight, since the last time they came we had to leave town for an emergency)
– Reservation to a VERY expensive hotel spa for us and her friends (this was her idea).
So I refused to pay for these because I don’t think it is right to effectively exclude someone from a plan and still expect them to contribute to it.
She broke up with me and said she wants no more future plans, yet wants me to pay for our upcoming plans that she is now taking away from me. She called me a lot of mean things when I put my foot down on this and threatened small claims court, which I agreed she should do.
Then she told me I could still come to all the things. To stay true to my principle, I thanked her and paid her my share, but nothing has changed, and she is angry at me for being uncompromising in my stance.
Honestly, I think it’s a rough patch that we will get through like we always do, but was I the jerk here?
I am doing A LOT of work on myself, including being kind, and reciprocal, but also firmly setting boundaries and being confident in my principles.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think this relationship is healthy (lots of brinksmanship and exactitude in money matters, to say nothing about mean/accusatory behavior).
But yes, if someone makes plans without explicitly seeking your consent, they can’t expect you to pay for half. If she’s like this with money, and you decide to stick together, you should be sure to verbalize that. Some of your examples are gray zone – if you said you’d come to the Godmother thing, then yes it’s conceivable you’d pay for your half; same with the suggestion you’d cover the friends’ flights as a couple.
But the hotel spa without telling you is not the same as that. 1) You need to have her approve the plan, timing, and expected budget (or who will pay) in advance 2) Be cautious with what you verbally agree to – maybe even make the plans yourself It does sound like you have bigger problems than the “being asked to pay,” though.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“Um…. this is a lot of work for a relationship that sounds very volatile. And you still want to get back together, so I’m not sure what the point is here. If this is the kind of up-and-down, yelling, and blaming relationship you want to model for your kid, have at it.
Don’t pay for anything you’re not doing, but it sounds like you’ll still do all those things anyway, no matter how unhealthy the relationship is. Everyone sucks here. You guys are not a healthy couple and you’re both playing games about it instead of making adult decisions to move on or treat each other with respect.” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. What is happening here? Your partner feels like your relationship is emotionally one-sided so she broke up with you but still wants your money. You are still hanging out with her but not resolving the problem. It’s great that you are doing a communication course.
I would argue that you two could have just gone to couples counseling and practiced better communication between sessions.” ScaryButterscotch474
