People Air Their Dirty Laundry In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Bailing On A Girls Trip Due To The Unexpected Increase In Airbnb Cost?
“So 2 of my friends planned a trip to the East Coast and invited me to join with a group of 8 girls total. I committed with the assumption that the Airbnb would cost around $300 pp for 3 nights.
After I committed, I asked my 2 friends to confirm the price of the Airbnb, which went without a reply. I saw them the next night as we were out to dinner together with a group and one had mentioned that the host canceled our Airbnb and they were scrambling to find another place to stay, but rest assured it will work out but everyone might need to pay a little more.
I didn’t ask anything further and assumed it would be another $100 or so. Which would have been fine with me.
The following day, the new Airbnb gets sent into the group chat that it’s been booked and it would now be $700 per person. I was not expecting to spend this much on a 3-night stay plus airfare being an additional $300 which totals $1k before even spending a dime there.
I thought that would be close to my all expenses for the trip. I’ve decided I don’t want to go anymore given the cost and lack of transparency before booking the new Airbnb without my agreement. Everyone else in the group seemed to be on board with the cost but maybe since they’ve already booked their flights, they don’t want that to be a sunk cost too.
So, WIBTJ for bailing on the trip? I feel bad realizing the rest of the group will have to pay closer to $800 per person for their stay, but that also could have been sorted out and disclosed before the place was booked.”
Another User Comments:
.”NTJ Your friends might dump you, but committing to some deal without knowing that it will cost more than twice as much is silly. You didn’t ever do that, saying you are okay paying a little more money requires a confirmation from them that you are okay with a lot more money.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have asked if you were okay with the new cost before booking. Also, booking Airbnb for any holiday, event, or attraction in any big city/tourist area (peak times) is VERY likely to get canceled last minute so the host can jack the price up.
Always stick with hotels for events like this.” SnailsInYourAnus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t agree to it; if they try to force you, they are essentially stealing. And please reevaluate your friendships with these people. This is not a small issue or an oopsie.
This was something you asked permission for, especially with the more than doubling in price, not something you beg forgiveness for after spending someone else’s money. I hope you didn’t give them money; if you did, ask for it back ASAP so they can’t spend it.” Ill_Reporter_8787
20. AITJ For Buying A Separate Meal For My Allergic Cousin At My Party?
“It’s my birthday this Saturday and my cousin has some food allergies that are in most foods, so I thought I’d get her basically her own meal. I feel wrong because what if someone else wants what she’s eating? I also don’t want any drama like “why didn’t you just buy that additionally as well?” I really just don’t want her to have to bring her own food because of what I’m serving, so I made it my decision to buy her something additional.
Would it be wrong to not include everyone else in on what she’s eating so she isn’t left out or sticking out? Or am I doing the right thing by buying her food because I promised food would be provided at my party?
Please help!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to consider everyone else when hosting a party. You have a guest who can’t eat certain foods, so it is expected that you would have food that your friend can eat at the party OR you let them know to bring their own food.
That’s just being a good host. However, that doesn’t mean that Aunt Sally gets to whinge that Johnny got nuggies while she had to eat steak if those were procured for Jonny’s food allergies.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A – if anyone actually even questions this, they are rude.
and B – if anyone has a problem with you having a special plate for your cousin, then they are the jerk! You’re being thoughtful. IF anyone actually does say anything, just make it a simple “Due to her food allergies, I had a special meal for her”.
If anyone pushes past that and says they want some, you point to ALL THE OTHER food and just say “all of this is available! Suzy can’t eat most of this, but you can. I’m sure you’ll be fine”. And yes – I’m being snarky but if someone dares to say something – they deserve snark.” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be one BUT it’s better to get a multi-serving option of the food you are getting your cousin in the event that she wants seconds and/or someone wants some. You can just say “My cousin has allergies so I got this for her, and there is a little extra if others want to try some”.
That way they know why you got it (Unless she doesn’t want people to know) and others can try but they will know that it’s a specific dish for her.” WickedAngelLove
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Involved With My Neglectful Roommate?
“My partner (20) and I (22) recently moved in with my coworker (58f) after we all needed a temporary place. She was very excited at first, ensuring us how wonderful it would all be, and grateful we were willing to help her move. My only concern at the time was knowing she had a terrible ex-partner, but she assured me he was out of the picture.
We signed a short lease and went in knowing she would bring her son (12m) along after getting settled, so I was adamant about making this a safe place for her son.
I don’t know when but eventually I found out she was having the ex stay overnight and they had been using illicit substances.
I confronted her and made sure she knew better than to have him here or I’d call the police. She told us he was only there because she needed help moving and my partner and I couldn’t do it all despite driving multiple Uhauls full of her items from storage to our apartment.
She would intentionally clutter our living room to make us clean and sort her items and direct us where to put it, which was the child’s empty bedroom.
She recently went out of town to get her kid and bring him back, missing their flight twice.
Because of this she still hasn’t paid us the rent for this month. Upon arrival, the kid doesn’t have a bedroom because of her clutter and she’s been making him sleep on the couch and leaving him alone for 10+ hours a day.
I’ve been trying to sheepishly ask if he’s okay when I see him in passing, but he’s shy and spooks easily. I’ve confronted the mom multiple times and she is directing the blame onto me and my partner who have only been helpful since the start.
I don’t know what else to do other than to contact real adults about this, does it make me the jerk that I don’t want to get involved? Thanks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is neglect and she is deflecting blame on you.
She is intentionally escalating your concerns into conflict to try and make you drop the issue out of discomfort. You reported this to a child protection agency, yes? This is the correct route. Isn’t this kid supposed to be in school? Who was taking care of the kid while she was moving in?
Might think about taking pictures of the inappropriate living situation for this kid if it’s safe to do so (unusable room, etc) so she can’t lie to child services. Give them the name of this predator dude and tell them she’s bringing him into the home.
Then make arrangements to GTFO. That situation will only escalate. I doubt child services will do much, but she may already have a track record and hopefully, another parent that this kid could go to and be safer with.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Good lord, that poor kid.
You are absolutely in the right to report this situation to the authorities. This kid needs help, badly. As to whether you’re a jerk for not getting involved more directly (this seems like the question you are asking based on the end of your post), I can’t answer that.
The situation doesn’t also sound like a safe one for you and your partner. So, you need to make good choices on the front as well; and I don’t have nearly enough information to make a judgement on that matter. What I do feel comfortable saying, though, is that you and your partner need to get out of there.
Yesterday. Report your co-worker to CPS, pack up your stuff, leave, and if possible, quit your job and find a new one.” sevenpixieoverlords
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a person who’s been the adult in the room since before I was 12, let me tell you that your coworker at 58 is well old enough to know what she’s doing and she’s doing it on purpose.
She’s taking advantage of you for moving services, rent, and babysitting and then gaslighting you to try to say you’re to blame. You’re not. Give her notice and get her out, or move. If she’s abandoning her kid and using substances, that’s a CPS issue and you absolutely don’t want any part of that – especially if there’s any lab stuff going on there.
If the ex is dangerous, I would suggest keeping that in mind before you call CPS so nothing comes back on you. You don’t want him to confront you. Document everything you can and get away from this woman and her issues.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
18. AITJ For Giving My Sister My Brother's Forgotten Jewelry To Return To Him?
“I live about 30 minutes from my mom with whom my brother (22) and my sister (20) live.
My brother spent the night at my house one night and left his jewelry in a specific place at my house. After leaving he told me not to lose it and that he would get it the next time he was here. Well, weeks went by and my sister happened to be over and I asked her to take his jewelry home and give it to him (as they both live in the same house).
Somehow between then my sister lost the jewelry and we were unable to find it. My brother is mad at me because I gave my sister the jewelry when I should’ve “just hung onto it” and now I’m being told it’s my responsibility to replace it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And maybe slightly off-topic but this reminds me of a situation I saw while on vacation. On an excursion from a cruise ship. Bus tour of a city. At one point (perhaps at a museum), a woman on the tour buys a large painting.
At least 24×36, maybe bigger – LARGE. And hard to carry. Expects the tour guide to take care of it. It ends up getting left behind (by her) and it is not noticed until we are getting off the bus at the ship. She is yelling at the tour guide and calling him all kinds of names and expecting him to go hunt down where the painting was left behind.
The rest of us are like “it is YOUR painting, you bought it, you are responsible for it. Not a tour guide who already has a ton of responsibilities, and now you throw in him being responsible for a painting you purchased?” I don’t know that she ever got the painting but did we feel bad for that tour guide…” One_Ad_704
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. You each had a role to play in how this went down. Your brother shouldn’t have forgotten his earrings at your place and then refused to pick them up for weeks once he knew they were there, leaving you with the burden of keeping them.
He also shouldn’t have sent hostile text messages all night. You shouldn’t have agreed to keep them there for him only to give them to your sister without asking the brother. Your sister shouldn’t have lost the earrings during a 20-minute drive. If she did lose them.
Were they loose in her purse or were they in a container of some kind? They didn’t disappear. INFO: Did your sister replace them? You said she took responsibility and said she would.” Demitasse_Demigirl
Another User Comments:
“I am assuming that your brother forgot it at your place.
Is that correct? He then tells you that you need to keep his forgotten item safe for an indefinite period until he decides to retrieve it? NTJ. You’re not his safety deposit box. He should not have forgotten it in the first place. You tried to send it back to him, in good faith that your sister would get it to him.
This seems reasonable. Next time, he should take better care of his belongings. It’s not your job to babysit his jewelry. Now, if you’d promised not to touch it, that would be a different story. It doesn’t say in your post that you promised anything, so I’m assuming you did not promise to leave it untouched until he returned.” Momjamoms
17. AITJ For Being Upset After My Partner Mocked My Diet To A Cashier?
“So for some context, I have been trying to diet for the past few months to get in better shape.
Recently I have found a place that does “healthy-ish” meals that I have been enjoying but sometimes get extra sides etc that make it an unhealthy meal.
Cut to the other day when we are driving home and decide on food, I chose the healthy-ish place for my meal but opted for an unhealthy extra.
My partner called the place to order and after confirming the name for collection placed the order but added the unhealthy extra. The cashier on the call commented laughing “I guess his diet didn’t last long, you did say he would fail” to which my partner quickly laughed and replied, “They’re with me in the car at the moment.”
This caused an argument where I walked home and texted them calling them a horrible person to which they doubled down telling me my body images are my issue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! They talked bad about you to a person who you deal with regularly.
How long have they been bad talking about you to each other? How many times have you gone in there and that guy has been laughing at you behind your back because of your partner? Add to that they find your body disgusting, and make fun of you when you try to talk about it, telling you to get over it?
Do they even love you? NTJ don’t be with someone like this.” Some_Badger_2950
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is undermining your efforts to eat better and to get in better shape. He should not be discussing your goals with anyone least of all the employees at a place where you spend money and provide them with custom to keep them in business.
In the future, you may want to exclude your partner from your efforts to get in better shape. Your dietary and exercise goals are to improve you. You may want to take full control and ownership of it to monitor yourself. If you need help with your diet, consider a professional nutritionist or trainer; someone who will have your best interests at heart without the need to gossip and ridicule your efforts.
And who doesn’t love a little food indulgence? Changing your diet — making lasting change — doesn’t happen overnight. There will be progress and then setbacks. The main thing is you don’t want your dietary change to feel like a punishment. As for this employee, I’d report him or her to management.
It’s never an employee’s place to sneer at what a PAYING customer does or doesn’t do as long as it is within the legal services of the business. And then let your wallet do the talking by finding another eaterie.” j4ckb1ng
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should be supporting you not tearing you down. Joking with the cashier about how your diet wouldn’t last (which has clearly been mentioned at least once before) is unacceptable. They were being horrible and were rightly called out as such. Ultimately, what you put into your body is your choice and there is nothing wrong with having a little treat or an unhealthy meal. Yes body issues are something for an individual to work on but that doesn’t make it ‘fair game’ for a person to make jokes and then say ‘that’s a you problem’.
They should support you if you have body issues you are working through. My top weight loss tip would be to ditch your unsupportive jerk partner. That should shift about 130lbs right?” DonkeyCabbages
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Fiancé To Have A Necklace Containing My Father's Ashes?
“My dad passed away last week and my mom, (F56), sister (F33), and I (F22) have been dealing with the arrangements. While at the funeral home picking out jewelry that could contain his ashes, my sister requested that my mom get one for her fiancé (M32), let’s call him John, while he was in the room.
My mother hesitantly agreed if he wanted one as she was put on the spot, & my sister asked him and he said no it’s okay, but she pushed and said no he’ll get one.
Later on in private, I voiced to my mom my request to not allow this as I was uncomfortable with it.
My reasoning is that John and my sister treat my parents like cash cows. When my parents could not assist as much in paying for their wedding, for legitimate circumstances such as medical bills and other financial burdens, they began to ignore us and when they were around they acted all mad.
John had also sent a huge guilt trip text to my dad while he was in the hospital fighting for his life against cancer, saying my dad had promised all this money, when he, in fact, did not.
Later on, they requested to move in with us as their current place they rented was being sold soon.
My parents tried to find a solution but ultimately could not due to certain circumstances involving my dad’s health and their cats, as well as past history of my sister treating my parents like a hotel. My sister then tried to guilt trip my grandma, saying they were going to be homeless.
Of course, this was not the true case as they now live in a nice apartment. Thus, my father and John were not close, only friendly. Plus, my sister and John have not even been seeing each other for a year, we have not known him but for a few months.
I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of John having my father’s ashes with everything that has taken place. Additionally, these necklaces are expensive and we could use the money towards the extensive medical debt we have. I love my sister despite the troubles we have had over the years, and my mom agrees with me about the necklace, but she is worried that it will hurt my sister’s feelings and that she will be mad at us.
I don’t care, as my sister has always complained that we are a terrible family and don’t support her even though we have and are always trying to better our relationship with her. I generally like John, but the past incidents make me not okay with this specific situation.
He didn’t even offer to pay for it either. AITJ for not wanting him to have the necklace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. John doesn’t want one. He said so himself. If your sister becomes upset, tell her that y’all were respecting his wishes when he was asked about this jewelry.
If you want to twist the knife and stir up some drama, ask her why she apparently cannot do the same.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom seems pretty fragile right now so this might have to fall to you. But you say “when you and John are married, we’ll give John the necklace” and tell her how much it is, and that she can Venmo you or whatever.
If she and John break up, then John will have received a very expensive necklace with ashes from someone he will never have a connection to. And he’s not entitled to that. Your sister will freak, but it seems like she freaks at everything and this is something that has real significance for your mother, as well as you.
And when your sister freaks, you tell her “This is Mom’s husband, whether he’s your father or not. Who are you to try to force Mom to share her husband’s ashes with anyone? Mom doesn’t owe this to anyone, even us. This is the man she spent her life with and took vows with, the only one with a “right” to anything is Mom.”” SubstantialQuit2653
Another User Comments:
“Your future brother-in-law doesn’t want the necklace either. It’s your sister pushing for it. Talk to your sister about the medical debt, and that the funds won’t be allocated toward her fiance having an expensive memento of no re-sale value that he doesn’t even seem to want.
She can stomp her foot while the medical bills get a little smaller. Honestly, I think death to medical bills should be the same as bankruptcy to business debt. Once you’re dead you shouldn’t owe anything anymore.” HousingItchy8561
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner's Disabled Sister To My Party?
“My partner has a sister, Shanna, who can’t handle any bad news or people saying no because she has a learning disability, so Shanna gets everything she wants.
I have two other friends whose birthday is close to mine and we are organizing a yacht party with a DJ.
We all work in hospitality so we were able to snag a good deal for a weekday party.
I told his mother of the birthday plans after she asked and told me Shanna would have so much fun. She went off to tell Shanna. Shanna was not invited. I don’t want to have to worry about her at my party.
I don’t want to babysit, I don’t want my partner to babysit. I want to have fun. I told my partner to set this straight now. He said he would sort this out later, but I have played this game before with him, and Shanna ended up coming anyway because of his mom.
I got mad and told him loud enough for both his mom and Shanna to hear, saying Shanna isn’t coming, and neither can you if you can’t grow some courage. Shanna started crying and his mom yelled at me for upsetting her daughter.
I told them “forget this and this isn’t going to be my life” and walked out of his mom’s house and ordered a ride home.
Last I heard I upset Shanna so much she had to go to the hospital with a panic attack and obviously, we are no longer together. My mom said I should have been nicer to his sister since she has a disability but I feel like he should have stepped up right then.”
Another User Comments:
“Could you have handled this better on paper? Sure. it would have been far better to have had this conversation quietly and discreetly – but a) that simply ignores the situation it took place in, which is one of being repeatedly let down by your partner, and bullied by the mother, and b) assumes that the discrete, reasonable conversation would have worked, and given it hasn’t before… It’s deeply regrettable that the sister has had her feelings bent in this situation, but in the end, the situation has been brought about by a partner who simply looks for the easy way out for him, and the mother making assumptions and refusing to grasp that other people’s – the OP’s – lives are not built around her daughter.
NTJ.” CatJarmansPants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so angry, but does this happen all the time with his mom? My autistic daughter is an amazing, sweet kid. She’ll be almost 17 soon. She hates being left out when people she knows are doing something fun.
If she isn’t invited somewhere, guess what? I don’t run and tell her about it immediately and expect people to automatically include her! She’s pretty independent but socially awkward and is not attuned to social dangers or her surroundings 24/7. Basically, she needs an adult or responsible peer supervision.
Good friends and family know how to deal with her needs but I get it can be harder to bring her places than neurotypical teens. The mom should be ashamed of herself! If your partner’s sister wasn’t told about the party by her mom then the whole hospital/panic attack would not have happened. She violated boundaries by thinking you were going to take her if she knew about it.
I try to think of it this way, “If they wanted to they would”. If someone wants to invite my child somewhere or offers to take her somewhere to help me out sometimes, they would. If it’s too much for them and would be difficult for them, then that’s that.
She has a lot of activities that she participates in for people with disabilities like sports, social events, etc. I would not want my child to go somewhere and feel unwanted.” ColdExamination7090
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. God. I used to be your ex. Having a controlling mother forcing you to socialize with his sister because his mother can’t/won’t/whatever and sees an easy out with your social life is a nightmare.
I nearly lost all my friends and stopped doing social things at all because my mother would invite my autistic + extremely socially delayed sister and voluntell me to “just put up with it”. I eventually couldn’t take it anymore (for a long list of reasons, this being one).
Going NC was instant relief. Getting out of that is one of the best choices you could’ve made, not gonna lie. There’s no fixing crazy and it’s clear your partner wasn’t willing to develop a spine. Good on you for standing your ground.” TH0RP
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents After They Bought Me Unwanted Furniture?
“I recently moved to a new house which is not fully furnished. I do have my bedroom but the living room is vacant, empty.
My sister visited me and she noticed that my house lacked a lot of things and told my parents that she feels bad that I am living in this situation.
She came with my brother-in-law and he too asked her why am I living like that.
My salary is higher than that of my sister and that of my BIL. I can afford to buy things, but I feel peaceful in an empty simplistic house.
Also, I might change jobs soon if I get an offer for a better position in a different company, so I want to buy the minimum unless, at least, I know I am staying here long term.
Some days ago my parents visited me, they live in about 1 hour from where I live and we had the discussion.
I told them I can afford to buy stuff, I just don’t want to. We had this discussion about 3-4 times. Every time I tell them that it is my choice not to want a fully furnished home.
Today, I came home from work and I found that they bought me two sofas and some stuff.
And I was VERY mad. I just felt that my choices were disrespected and I told them that.
Then I felt very guilty because they tried to do something nice for me. Now the guilt is eating me up. I feel like they wanted to surprise me, but I snapped at them.
I paid them what they bought for the stuff and accepted the gesture in the end. But I don’t know if I overreacted. I love my parents very much, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nah, I think your parents caring enough to do that for you speaks volumes, but at the same time, they didn’t listen to the words that you were saying.
They did it out of love, and you’re mad they didn’t respect your boundaries. I recently bought a condo – furnished, and the number of people who had random stuff they wanted to give me was incredible. It’s always a nice gesture, but at the end of the day, forcing things on you robs you of your choice, so it’s OK to be mad.” okilz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t do what you wanted and dismissed your point of view, reasoning, and needs. They did what they wanted to do with no regard to you whatsoever. It doesn’t matter if they were doing it to be nice or to help.
Unless you asked for their help or you agreed for them to buy you furniture they are actually NOT helping you. They are actually making things HARDER for you, because now if you do move you have to figure out what to do with this furniture.
Which would add stress to the situation and take time to deal with something that shouldn’t have to be dealt with in the first place. Take the couches and whatever else they bought you and donate it.” SecureWrap9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I have to say that you giving them money for something you said you didn’t want makes you the jerk, but only to yourself.
I would take their key back and return the couches and the other stuff. Maybe you could unload all the stuff they brought over on a social media marketplace and get rid of it? You might have to explain why you got rid of it, but considering the fact that they don’t listen to you anyway feel free to say the moon is in Aquarius or some random thing that makes no sense about it because they are going to continue to do whatever they want in this whole scenario because what you say doesn’t really stick or matter to them anyway.
In fact, you can just say that last line and still not be the jerk. Oh and ignore their guilt. They are using unwanted “gifts” and guilt to do a head trip on you. Like anyone needs to feel bad for saying no I don’t want any furniture then feel bad for someone giving you furniture that you already said you didn’t want.
Your parents/sister are on a head trip. Get your key back. It is totally fine to want a peaceful empty house.”
13. AITJ For Not Giving Back The Jewelry My Grandma Gave Me To My Sister?
“I (F22) have a younger sister (F18) & two younger brothers (M20/M15).
We moved from our birth country when I was 13, my sister was 9. All our grandparents are still in our birth country & we try and go back every two years, but… ya know, situations happened & inflation.
My mother and sister went back to our birth country in 2022 to visit my grandparents (mother’s parents), after not being back since 2018.
As is life, they are getting quite old and they were sorting through stuff they didn’t want (jewelry, other sentimental family items, etc, nothing expensive).
My grandma let my sister (F16 at the time) go through her jewelry and let her take anything she wanted, which my sister did.
She got some family heirlooms, as well as other pieces. My grandma also gave my mother a necklace and a bracelet to take back for me, which they did.
Fast forward to about a month ago (over 2 years later), we were sorting through rooms, etc having a deep clean and I came across the necklace and the bracelet my grandma had sent back with my mum and sister.
My sister saw it and asked “is that what we brought back for you from grandma?” And I said yes. She said they are nice pieces and I agreed, and that was that.
Fast forward to today, my sister starts screaming at me out of the blue, saying I ‘stole’ them (necklace/bracelet) from her.
Mind you, these are not expensive/fancy items or anything extravagant, nor are they family heirlooms, just standard silver jewelry my grandma purchased. She claims that grandma gave them to her, and mum shouldn’t have given them to me. At the time when they were given to me, I confirmed with both my mother and sister that they were for me and that they didn’t want them.
They said that they were for me & they didn’t want them.
Currently, I am fighting with my mother and sister over the bracelet and necklace as they both said it was for me from my grandma. Their reasoning is that because my sister went over & they brought it back, my sister should now have them….
Even though they brought it back for me.
They are also saying because I am going back soon to see grandma, that I should give it ‘back’ to my sister because I can choose other items while I am there. My sister also claims that those two items I have are all she has from grandma, even though she came back with some other very important family heirlooms?
I understand that this is an almost frivolous thing to be upset and fight about, and may come across as very entitled. I am aware of all the awful things going on in the world, and how small of an issue this is in the grand scheme of things.
So, AITJ for not wanting to give ‘back’ to my sister what they brought back for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s pretend the sole reason your sister was given that jewelry was not under explicit instructions to bring it back for you, and your sister gave it to you personally just out of the kindness of her own heart.
After 2+ years you cannot reasonably ask for a gift to be returned. And that also isn’t the circumstance. This was not your sister’s jewelry to give in the first place. She had no choice in giving it to you, so she has no leg to stand on in terms of reasons for you to give it back.
That jewelry is 100% yours and unless you wanna give it to someone else there’s no reasonable way that that stops being true.” Zinnia133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those are yours. Your sister doesn’t get to decide she wants them and try to steal them from you.
If you let her get away with it this time, who’s to say she won’t try to pull the same thing when you come back from your grandmother’s? Put them in a safe in a place only you know and only you have the key to.
See if you can get a notarized letter from your grandmother stating those pieces (and any you come home with) are yours. That way, if your spoiled sister and your wicked mother try to steal them, you have proof they are yours and can throw the book at them.
Also, if it will help, have your grandma talk to them and shame them into behaving (of course, this only works if they have any modicum of shame which I doubt).” S******************l
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hopefully, your grandma still has jewelry to give you.
I would not hesitate to tell her what happened to the jewelry she sent to you… just be honest, say your mother and sister gave it to you and said it was from her but 2 years later your sister threw a tantrum and wanted it back and your mother changed her story/lied about it being for you.
You don’t have to protect your grandmother from your mother or sister and she deserves to know the truth. But I would probably wait till she asks. Or you can preempt and say how she let your sister pick, will she give you the same opportunity and it may go from there.
But if you do take jewelry back, have it on you so your mother and sister don’t go through your bag. And store it in a safe at your best friend’s place or pay for a safety deposit box at the bank. You can always make the jewelry disappear ie store it away from your house.
You can always say that you agree that your sister can go and get it… it’s sitting in your drawer and then pretend you lost it or someone must’ve taken it while bursting into tears. Depends on how badly you want to keep these particular pieces.
But I would be taking a very big step back from your sister. Gray rock her (and your mother if she shares all your news with her). It hopefully won’t be too long and you finish your degree and get a job and can move out.” KitchenDismal9258
12. AITJ For Inviting My Divorced Parents To Vacation Together?
“I’m 38, my husband is 36 and my daughter is 4.
My parents have been divorced since I was 12. I am an only child. I often host holiday dinners at my home and they both tend to come and be civil to each other. My dad loves to talk about the past, my mom is probably the only one who has the same memories as him.
I don’t think they like each other, but they don’t hate each other.
Both my parents are retired, I live a 5-hour plane ride from Disney and my parents are about a 2-hour ride – they both live in the same state where I grew up.
I thought about it and I can’t afford to go to Disney twice in a short period of time. I could maybe do it in a few years, but not any faster than that. They both would love to be there for our daughter’s first visit since we went to Disney a lot when I was growing up (both with them together and separately after they divorced).
So I offered them to come with us, everything but flights paid for by me. BUT it’d have to be both of them. I refuse to choose one and since I am paying they can either come now or join us in a few years.
They will each get their own bedroom, but they would need to be around each other for meals unless they prefer to eat alone.
Since I am paying, I feel like this is fair. My mom agrees and she has said she would be fine with it.
My parents are very different so in reality my mom would be taking my daughter back to the hotel a lot anyway for naps or sitting with her in the shade while we go on the rides my daughter can’t go on. My dad would prefer to be on the rides with us and go nonstop.
I do think they won’t have to deal with each other most. Neither of them is married or in a relationship, so no jealous partners.
My dad, however, is not thrilled and I do think he will go, but is already being passive-aggressive about it.
I told my sister-in-law about our plans and she told me that it was unfair for me to expect my divorced parents to vacation together and that we should do two separate trips. I said either of them was welcome to turn down my invitation and not come, which my SIL seemed to think was just a jerk move.
So AITJ for inviting them BOTH on vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what you did was fair and inclusive. You made it accessible that they don’t have to share rooms and are both able to participate in this activity with your daughter. They can either tolerate being around each other and be civil so they get to experience going with you or they can choose not to.
However, if your dad is already being passive-aggressive about it, likely he might continue on the trip and ruin it so you might want to think about that.” frozenbroccolis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for inviting them – it sounds like you have made the terms of the invitation pretty clear, it’s not as though you invited them without telling them until they arrived that the other was also there.
That said, it sounds like you are setting things up to be pretty stressful for everyone – being together for a week (or even a weekend) is a lot different from being civil for the length of one meal. In your position, I think I would be suggesting that you plan the time so that there is plenty of time when they are not expected to be together – depending on how long you are going for, maybe even consider having each of them there for half the time, with maybe one day overlap in the middle.
That way, they would both get to be present for your kid’s first trip, and they both get a holiday with their grandkid that’s less stressful, if shorter. If your dad is already being passive-aggressive about it I would be asking myself whether I actually wanted to put myself into that inevitably tense situation.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“”I told my sister-in-law about our plans and she told me that it was unfair for me to expect my divorced parents to vacation together and that we should do two separate trips.” Great, so ask if she’s offering to pay? If she isn’t, tell her that she cannot make any suggestions regarding costs.
Even if you COULD afford two trips, what does that teach your child? Your parents chose to get a divorce – that was the right decision for them – but it only affects them. If their dislike for each other is stronger than their love for you and their granddaughter, that is sad but ultimately their choice.
Both are invited, both can learn to/continue to be civil for others’ sake. Unless there was some egregious act committed by one against the other (abuse, infidelity) it is reasonable to expect them to be in the same room as each other, and neither should want to deprive your child of the other grandparent if they are good people.
The concessions you’ve offered are more than reasonable – if grandfather doesn’t come, he’ll regret it, but maybe that’s his choice to make. NTJ.” InfinMD2
11. AITJ For Asking My Mum To Stop Commenting On My Weight Loss?
“So I, 19F, am fat. I always have been on the larger side and that doesn’t really bother me.
It’s not causing me health concerns so I don’t really see it as a problem. Ever since I was about 12, my mum, 61F, has been on and off on fad diets and doing exercise trying to lose weight because she is also rather large. I have never really cared what I looked like so I went along a bit but didn’t really take it seriously, and I was unable to do a lot of the exercise due to (nonweight related) chronic pain.
Now I’m at uni and my eating habits are sporadic at best. I rarely eat 3 meals a day because I can’t be bothered, it’s mainly a sandwich and some snacks. And the occasional takeaway. However what changed the most is for my degree I’m on an archaeological dig, and due to help for my back pain I’m able to do it for the 8 hours a day with breaks.
I have done it for 2 weeks so far and have lost weight given the fact I have had to alter my shorts.
And that’s all well and good but every time I have seen my mum since the start she tells me I look so much better because I have lost weight.
I have asked her to stop because good looks have nothing to do with size, and being told that she didn’t think I was as nice before, hurts my feelings. Like I don’t care about my looks but hearing from your mum that you have improved because you have lost a bit of weight hurts.
She doesn’t get why it hurts my feelings because she would love to be told that.
Personally, I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about someone’s weight if they are not doing something actively about it. She won’t stop and my dad told me I should just take the compliment and stop complaining.
But I don’t like it. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was about 19-20 I drastically lost a lot of weight after pneumonia and everyone complimented me saying “you look so much better”, a few months later I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and I was always exhausted after losing so much weight fast and couldn’t even breathe properly.
People should stop commenting on other people’s weight and make “compliments” like this regardless of the situation.” Disastrous_Narwhal46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re uncomfortable with her commenting on your weight loss and asked her to stop. Just because she’d love to be complimented like that does not mean anyone else would.
Stand firm on this boundary and tell her to stop talking about your weight and appearance. Every time she crosses that line walk away and refuse to engage in conversation regarding your weight/appearance. You’ve made it clear you aren’t comfortable with her comments and she’s being awfully disrespectful to keep pushing this.” Nyxoltleee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am anorexic/bulimic – not actively at the moment but I believe I will struggle the rest of my life – and I cannot stand people commenting on my body. It makes me anxious to know that anyone is looking at my body and thinking about my size at all, even if it’s in a positive way.
I’ve told my mother this and she just says “I’m saying you look GOOD!’ She is my biggest trigger; she’s the person who looked me up and down when I was 3 weeks postpartum and said “Guess you can’t lose any weight while you’re breastfeeding, huh?” I start to feel panic when I notice she’s looking at my body or when she talks about mine or anyone else’s (I’m already in therapy and have been for years before anyone says it).
And she doesn’t care. She thinks it’s fine if she’s being nice and if she’s not, she dismisses me by saying I misunderstood. It sucks. I hate it and I’m sorry you’re going through it too.” MarlenaEvans
10. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Second Wedding Because I Can't Bring My Best Friend?
“I live on another continent, and my brother is getting married for the second time in the 10+ years I have lived away.
The first wedding/marriage was 10 years ago. I flew home for that, spent lots of money on suits, gifts, etc, and even flew home for his bachelor party.
That marriage didn’t work out. They divorced a few years ago and in that period of time, he met someone new that he’s now marrying.
This wedding will be smaller, and I’d mentioned that my best friend of 20+ years who also lives in another country/continent and who I get to see maybe once every two years, whom my brother also knows very well and grew up with, will be in town the same week.
For context, I’ve been extremely single for many years now myself, and I spend a lot of money flying home every year for Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, family occasions, etc while my family has come to visit me maybe three times. I’ve started to get tired of spending so much money to fly home for all of these occasions while made to feel like because I’m single, childless, and don’t have your typical celebratory “milestones” in life it’s taken a bit of a toll on my mental health.
Things like weddings and nieces/nephews’ birthdays I come home for are just a constant reminder I’m still single.
Since my best friend would be home, I really wanted her to come to the wedding with me as my plus one because it would help me have a better time at the wedding and I’d feel like at least I have someone important there with me.
My brother refused. Said if I had a partner or “someone you were sharing a life with” it would be different and then of course I could have a plus one.
This hurt my feelings so badly and I couldn’t believe of all the time and money I’d spent to fly home for special occasions over the last decade, including his first wedding, he wouldn’t accommodate this for me, and again my best friend is someone he also knows and likes and has spent other family occasions with us over the years.
I basically said then if he can’t make this very small sacrifice for me then I didn’t even know if I was going to attend which upset him, but I’m just at a point in my life that I’m tired of having to be the one to make all the effort.
I know it’s his wedding and they’re keeping it smaller, but if it was in reverse I would absolutely allow my brother’s best friend to attend if I knew it was important to him.
AITJ for not attending my brother’s second wedding because I can’t bring my best friend of 20+ years as my plus 1?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can ask and your brother can say no. And then you can choose not to attend. Have you ever said anything to your family about how you feel about all the time and money you’ve spent traveling home and that they rarely come to visit you?
You do have choices. You can choose not to go back for every occasion and event. Given it is affecting your mental health, I suggest you stop going back so often. Do something different. Travel on your own and see areas closer to where you live.
Don’t spend all your time and money going back to see your family. But perhaps when you’re having a milestone birthday yourself, you should let them know you’re coming and that you’d like them to celebrate your occasion.” Longjumping-Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your brother confirmed that the wedding can accommodate another person just not your friend.
It’s annoying when family members are so obsessed with whether or not you have a significant other. You should voice to the folks closest to you that they should come visit you. The only taboo thing you’re doing is RSVPing No after already being included in the wedding headcount, which is not a good look, especially for a small wedding.
I recommend that you still attend, & just leave a little early to go hang out with your friend. That way you’re not stuck being surrounded by couples for more than a few hours. Like right after the food is served & you’ve eaten, thank the hosts and head out.
Begin to think about what you’ll do for his 3rd wedding.” yamichou82
Another User Comments:
“I feel like you’re conflating a few different issues here: 1) your feelings about being single 2) your feelings about traveling so much 3) your brother’s wedding. I think your brother has the right to say no because it’s his wedding and clearly it’s smaller – he may know your friend well, but he doesn’t know her well enough to invite her to the wedding so that’s fair enough.
You sound like you’re traveling a lot and your family doesn’t reciprocate – that’s an issue that needs to be addressed but separate from the context of the wedding. Same with being single and not feeling great about it when around your family.
I don’t think this is the hill you should die on – go to the wedding and then spend some time unpacking your feelings on issues 1 and 2 and discussing things with family – perhaps if you visit less, they’d be more inclined to visit you?
I’ve got multiple nieces and nephews and only live an hour away, but I rarely make an extra effort to visit on their birthdays unless I plan to visit my hometown anyway – it sounds like you visit so much that your family takes your presence for granted and don’t feel the need to go to you as they know they’ll see you regularly anyway.
No jerks here yet – I think it could be a jerk if you decide your brother’s wedding is the time to start dissecting years of unspoken feelings.” According-Let3541
9. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's Dinner Party After He Ignored Me And My Daughter?
“I have only known my dad about 8 years. He ran off when I was an infant and we didn’t meet until I was in my 20s. Last summer, I felt like we were at a place where I felt comfortable going to visit him.
He lives in a different state with lots of scenery. I paid like $1500 for my daughter and me to go visit and last year was pretty fun.
This year, we did the same. Our tickets were only like $800 this year, but the trip has not been fun.
I have felt lowkey like my dad doesn’t actually care about me, but that he only cares about seeing my daughter now. That’s fine, to be honest, but it still stinks.
Anyway. Yesterday, I accidentally let his dog out of the house. He had the front door open and I didn’t realize it, and the dog got out.
He lost his cool, yelling and cussing, telling me to help him catch the dog. It was scary to be honest because he had never yelled at me before. I decided I would reschedule our flight and leave a day early because it scared me.
I didn’t say anything to him about the flight yet.
That night, he had a dinner party planned with his friends. Now, he’s disgusting. When I got to his house, there was dirt on the counters, food dried on the walls, bugs everywhere, etc. I decided to clean his house so it would be presentable, and I made all the side dishes for his party because he was stressed. I even made a makeshift table for everyone to sit at, since he doesn’t even have a table.
The party gets here, and I have my and my daughter’s cups sitting in our spots on the table. I have to go inside to get my daughter ketchup, but when I come back, I see that all the spots at the table are full and our stuff has been moved off the table.
This upsets me so I get out stuff and take it inside. No one waited for us to start eating so most of the food was gone. I fed my child and then took her to the park because we were expected to sit inside away from everyone else.
When we get back, he says something about me being unfriendly. AITJ for leaving the party?”
Another User Comments:
“Why didn’t your bio dad clean his own house, and why would you feel you would have to? It’s not your house. Did he thank you for that?
Why would you do any cooking when he’s planning a party, he should have planned to buy or cook the food? Did he ask you to do this? I’m asking all this since I don’t understand why you are visiting his home from out of state and yet did things for his party.
Do you want your daughter to see that it’s OK for her mom to be treated this way? I think it’s time to back off and realize your bio dad isn’t a nice person and you should not spend money to go see him when he treats you this way.
You’re NTJ for leaving, but stay away.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“Your dad left his door open for you to work out. It wasn’t your responsibility to make sure to shut the door after your dad and make sure the door was still in the house.
It was your father‘s responsibility to shut his door after a self service stand-off didn’t run out and it was super rude with him and his guests to move your stuff off the table and exclude you from the dinner party, especially your dad as he knew you had done all work.
I wouldn’t go back there.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I’m wondering if you were hoping your daughter might connect with her extended family? Even if this time he wasn’t being very kind to you? I’m glad you changed your flight. Good job looking out for yourself and your daughter.
I wanted very much to know my father. However, I know yours all too well. I’m fairly certain mine would have been a carbon copy. Not worth knowing. You’re teaching you both how valuable and precious you are. Take no nonsense man.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Family Visit My Mom Without Me Present?
“I am in the middle of a divorce from an abusive spouse. It’s just me, my son, and my mom.
For obvious reasons, my son and I elected to go into therapy to deal with what happened. I offered to help my mom but she chose not to.
I am the fourth kid of five children. My dad got hit by an intoxicated driver in my last year of high school and became paralyzed as a result.
Since I was the oldest still living at home, I was the one who was in charge of taking care of him. He and my mom were divorced.
I spent those years taking care of him with very little help from my older siblings and my little sister was too young to really help much and I felt she deserved to still have a childhood even if I couldn’t.
Don’t regret anything of it. 20 years later I’m married and have my son. Right after my dad passed my mom moved in and I take care of her the same way with little help.
After I finally found the courage to leave (with a major assist from my baby sister), I found a place for the 3 of us but soon after I left I discovered my oldest sister was in communication with my ex.
So I decided to only give out my address and number to those who actually needed it. The only family member who has it is my baby sister and she isn’t telling.
My mom’s birthday was 2 months ago and my oldest sister had her daughter message me on social media to ask if they could come over to see her for her birthday.
I kindly reminded them I wasn’t letting anyone come over but I’d meet them somewhere in public and have lunch or something. They said that’s fine under the condition that I not be there.
That immediately jumped at me as problematic at best. So I responded by saying I wasn’t comfortable with that and I wanted to be there.
The tone changed to anger and accusing me of being paranoid and stupid and things like that, so I ended the conversation.
I showed the messages to my mom to ultimately let her decide and she agreed with me that something didn’t feel right and she didn’t want to go if I couldn’t stay.
Now I’m accused of brainwashing her and stuff.
My family is split on agreeing with me and her. So AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“I N F O Why was it problematic for them to meet up with your mom and not you? I could see it being a problem in the context of your ex if you said you didn’t want to go and they insisted you had to be there.
Did your ex also abuse your mom? I don’t fault her for not wanting to be around him either way, I’m just wondering about the specific use of the term “problematic.”” author124
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; Your ex is abusive and your sister is putting you at risk by keeping contact with him and is undermining the safety risk to you.
You have every right to protect your family and good on you for doing so! You have nothing to feel guilty about, she should feel guilty for putting you and your family’s safety at risk!” MaidenEevee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But really it wouldn’t matter if you were a jerk under these conditions.
This is about a safety issue, you are currently needing to make decisions to keep yourself and your child safe. You are in the middle of a divorce and it’s in your best interests to keep your location secure – full stop. If your mom wanted to go alone and your safety procedures/decisions were impacting on her life then things would be a bit more complicated. But that’s not the case.
Even if it was the case, then you and your mom would need to work it out so that it didn’t impact your safety and your location remains secure. Domestic violence is no joke. So, the bottom line is be as big of a jerk as you need to get through this period of time.
If anyone accuses you of taking safety too seriously, of being paranoid or neurotic, tell them this is the way it’s going to be for the next little while and if they don’t like it that’s ok but it’s not going to change.
You can send them a text when things settle down if that is what they prefer.” Something-bothersome
7. AITJ For Using A Scary-Looking Muzzle To Protect My Rescue Dog?
“I am currently fostering a rescue that was abused. He is a very good boy but he is also very nervous. He does not like strangers approaching him.
I have been teaching him to walk on a leash and to sit and heel.
Basic things for his forever home.
He is a beautiful husky cross and everyone wants to pet him. He isn’t ready for that much attention yet. He is skittish and shy. When I’m walking him I cross the street if there are other pups. When people ask to pet him I politely explain he isn’t ready.
It doesn’t always work. Some people won’t take no for an answer.
The last thing I want is for him to snap at someone. So I bought him a muzzle that looks like a mean dog snarling and showing teeth.
It works great. People stay away.
He is getting more confident and enjoying our walks.
My partner thinks I am giving people a bad idea about him and that I am making him look like a bad dog.
We are arguing about it so we came here for alternate viewpoints and judgement.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re simply using an available tool to reinforce boundaries and ensure your pup has the space he needs to grow and thrive. Eventually, you may get to a point where you don’t need to use it but, until he gains enough confidence and control that his reactiveness isn’t a concern or the public learns to actually listen and keep their hands to themselves, that muzzle ensures his comfort and safety.
It doesn’t matter what other people think about this. If they’re curious about your dog’s style they can always ask.” Interesting_Scale302
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are protecting your doggo from people who believe all cute, fluffy dogs always enjoy getting pets and hugs from strangers.
It’s an elegant solution that keeps people from stressing out doggo, allows him to focus on training and enjoy walks. Less stressful for you too. Even if you manage to put yourself in-between an approaching person and your dog and firmly tell them NO while shoving a flashing neon “dog bites” sign in their face, some people still won’t get the message.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a wonderful rescue that just never warmed up to strangers. She was fine as long as they didn’t try to touch her. And unfortunately for her everyone wanted to touch her. Because people just wouldn’t take no for an answer and one teenager pushed it too far and got snapped at I bought her a muzzle and a tactical vest. She wore both for the whole 9 years I was blessed to be her mom and not one single person approached her while wearing them.
It shouldn’t matter what other people think of your dog. It’s our responsibility to advocate for them in the best way available to us.” Amazing_Teaching2733
6. AITJ For Backing Out Of The Family Vacation Because Of The Sleeping Arrangements And My Sun Allergy?
“Back when my mom was alive, she loved to travel.
She bought into these “timeshare points”. For those unfamiliar, “points” can be used to purchase time at various resorts around the country, and they renew annually. You also have to pay monthly maintenance fees. Now this isn’t a gripe about timeshares being a scam. It’s just something my mom bought into and is pertinent to the story.
My mother, had a pretty good job with a lot of vacation time, so throughout the year, Mom would take a friend or relative on these trips. Sometimes she’d even take my dad! Of course after Mom passed, my dad got the points and continued to pay those monthly fees.
Now my dad doesn’t like to travel a lot, but he got the idea to blow all the points on as many units as he could get at one of their many resorts for one week out of the year, and he would take with him as many of our relatives as he could.
The only expectation is that during the trip, everyone would chip in, and my dad would pay for nothing. Considering how much money those maintenance fees are, my dad is being rather generous.
Naturally, my dad always invites me to go along, but in the past, I usually couldn’t go because of work or other schedule conflicts, and to be honest, I really didn’t want to go.
After his last vacation, several relatives started wheedling me to go on the next one. It’s not that they hadn’t tried to talk me into it before, but this time they were being more adamant. I caved and said I would. Everyone was happy.
This year’s destination is a beach resort.
Where do I begin? So I tend to get sun poisoning very easily. No tan, no burn, just straight to blisters. Let me tell you, it’s not fun. So maybe there are other things to do? Well, I could always sit at the bar and get tipsy, but that doesn’t really sound like a way to spend my week either.
But hey, I hear the rooms are really nice!
Yeah, about that. So it looks like there are not really enough rooms, so they plan on sticking in a room with two of my adult nephews. They’re decent enough guys, but I’m a middle-aged man, and just to show how much he cares, my dad bought me an air mattress so I wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.
How thoughtful!
I love seeing my relatives during the holidays, but there’s a reason I live alone, and after that last little bit of news about there being too few rooms, I backed out, and now it seems like everyone is mad at me. Some, like my dad, are downright furious and calling me “ungrateful”.
I kind of expected that, but even if I went, I’d probably be miserable and try to take everyone else with me.
So that’s it. I backed out of a family vacation, and now I’m being treated like the bad guy, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This doesn’t sound like fun at all for you, & except for making your dad happy, there is no good reason for you to go. This gift sounds like the original story about white elephants. In Southeast Asia, white elephants were considered sacred & it was a great honor to possess one.
However, they were expensive to take care of, could not be put to any sort of use, & once received could not be given away. (Well, except by the king or emperor.) Now a dirty trick of rulers in that part of the world would be to give a white elephant to a troublesome noble, who then was stuck with this money pit & less able to make trouble.
So your family expects you to accept this honor, & simply endure its inconveniences because… well, family I guess. Have you used this example to make your point to these people? And they still insist YTJ? Some family.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… Time with your father is not something you can ever get back.
It sounds like these are his big gatherings to connect and keep close to his family. A gift of sorts. The deal doesn’t sound too bad. As I said, time is the one thing you can never get back. My father passed away in 2021. I would trade all the world to have one more hour with him, to tell him I love him, and to hear one more stupid story.
Don’t be me. Don’t let yourself have that regret.” AwaySecret6609
Another User Comments:
“The only reason you are being treated like a bad guy is because the family wants to to help pay for the additional expenses. I am older than you and would never agree to share a room.
To me, it is one of the privileges of age. I get that your father may want you to visit with him and the family. I have a suggestion. Tell them that if you go, you will rent your own room and take care of your own expenses, not anything for the group since you are not benefitting from your father’s timeshare points.
NTJ.
The sleeping arrangements irritated me. I forgot about the sun issue for you. Who choose this spot? Your father? Doesn’t he know you don’t want to be on the beach, in the sun? Then I read about your PTO. That is reason enough not to go.
This is one week of your two weeks of PTO. I wouldn’t want to waste it at all. Make a plan to visit your father over the holidays in a less sunny climate.” Aggravating-Pain9249
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Disrespects My Time Because She Prioritizes Her Kids?
“I’ve been friends with someone for over a decade and watched her parenting style evolve. She’s not the worst parent and she’s mostly a decent friend but she doesn’t always respect my time or the time of others. She plays the mom/family card a lot for falling through on commitments when her kids are now pre-teens and dad is involved but really she just bends to everyone’s whim.
We had talked about making plans for something together and including her family when a date/time for this event would finally be announced, but it turned out to be on a day when I already had plans that couldn’t be changed so we started making separate plans.
In the end, she suggested a later date that would work for both of us so I ceased my backup planning and arranged to be available for the new day we’d agreed to. Hours beforehand, she says plans have changed because her kids preferred to do something else instead, but I was still welcome.
I politely declined.
Days go by without a word, mostly on my part, because I’m upset. I feel my time has been disrespected, and this isn’t the first time. When we finally speak, I tell her this and that spoiling her kids shouldn’t come at a cost and inconvenience to other people’s time commitments.
She apologized for the last-minute change but doubled down saying I’m out of line for judging her parenting style and putting her kids first.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She is disrespectful of your time and manipulative. Asking you to rearrange your life to accommodate you, then playing the mommy card, again is manipulation.
You, because you didn’t need it insult her parenting. Address the behavior, not the parenting. Disrespect for your time and manipulation by trying to blame her disrespect on being a mom. Maybe letting her know your time is valuable. Let her know if she cancels plans again, you will understand that you are not a priority and will make your plans accordingly.
Then, when she dumps you again be too involved in your own life and activities.” qlt_ml_01
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Yeah, this just sucks. I had a friend like this. The final straw was when I traveled out of state to visit her (and two other friends) and she flaked because she and her daughter (who still lived with her at the time) made a lunch date.
Like W*F. She and I are only social media acquaintances now. I doubt I’ll ever see her again. That’s life. It was a good run. How she raises her kids isn’t your problem and you’re ruminating on it. Her family, her business.” Test-Subject-593
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She sounds a terrible friend but you then said she spoils her kids – whether she does or doesn’t is irrelevant to whether she’s a good friend to YOU. Also, commenting on her parenting makes you sound judgemental and as though that’s your main problem, not her being a bad friend who flakes on you.
I’ll be honest, reading that made me think you were jealous of her kids – whether that’s true or not, if that’s what I’m interpreting your words as meaning, how must it sound to the person you addressed them to?” According-Let3541
4. AITJ For Calling My Partner Dumb After She Put A Plastic Cutting Board In The Oven?
“My partner wanted a pizza. I have really good frozen pizzas from the local Italian market. They are made fresh and if you do them up on a pizza stone they come out perfect.
I have made these for us many times. It is a simple process.
You take the pizza stone and put it in the oven, let the oven preheat. Put the pizza on the paddle and slide it onto the hot stone. Once it’s ready you slide the paddle under the pizza and pull it out. Put it on the carving board and cut it.
Easy right?
Nope.
My pizza stone was dirty, it was scorched not dirty, so her brilliant idea was to make the pizza on my plastic cutting board.
Because that way she could just take the cutting board out with oven mitts and cut the pizza without having to use all the tools.
I got home to see black smoke coming out of my house and my partner on the phone with 911.
My dog is not on his leash and he’s going crazy.
I go to the front door to see if it’s hot in the house or if I can see flames.
No flames, no heat. I get to the stove and turn it off. I open the sliding door to let out more smoke and get my leash on the way out.
The firefighters are there within five minutes and the smoke is already dissipating. They go in to make sure.
All clear.
Thank god they were there less than an hour. It is covered by the city. If it was over an hour I would have been charged for the response.
My oven is messed up though. And I have a lot of smoke damage to clean up.
I told my partner I was glad she was okay but that she was dumb and she wasn’t allowed in my house alone for a while. I took her key away. We do not live together. But she has roommates and likes having a big house to herself on her days off.
She says that it’s a mistake anyone could make and that I’m a jerk for calling her names. Yes, she said those words. She says it’s my fault for not just getting microwave pizza and having to eat fancy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally I hate posts when people encourage a breakup, but trying to put a plastic board in the oven is such next-level dumb I would feel anxiety about all the other basic stuff I might have to explain, like does she know not to drink the toilet water, or the dog can not answer the telephone etc.” GoodPiexox
Another User Comments:
“Get a new oven. The one you have is permanently damaged from the fumes released by the plastic. Don’t continue to use it and risk poisoning yourself. 2. Consider if you really have a future with your partner. I just… absent some kind of external factors like “she was working insane hours and going on 3 hours of sleep for the last week,” I just can’t understand how a 24-year-old can be so very, very stupid.
Calling her “dumb” wasn’t nice, but if the situation and explanation are as you described in your post, NTJ.” LandPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you get serious with her. I don’t cook, and I know better. It’s not just the idiocy of plastic in the oven, it’s also her response to the situation that shows she can’t handle minor emergencies.
You can’t trust her in your house. Would she have remembered to save your dog if there was a house fire? It doesn’t sound like she has enough sense to be trusted with kids, or your finances, etc. I worked with a very good engineer, smart, but her mom always told her to never have kids because she had zero common sense.
Her mom wanted grandkids too, but she knew better after a stupidity lapse caused the death of their puppy. Seriously, consider your future and safety. Next time you might be sleeping in the house, unaware of the potential fire.” BAR12358
3. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friends And Family Skipped My Planned Birthday Dinner For A Surprise Party?
“I have been crying for hours yesterday and today, receiving texts on how I am ungrateful.
This stuff just doesn’t make sense to me. I am trying to see the good intentions, but call me blind because I don’t see any.
I have never had a birthday party or dinner, and it is something that I have always wanted, but I don’t know why I always thought it was unattainable in my adult life.
I was talking to my friend and telling her how my family never celebrates birthdays because my dad is really religious and how I always feel lonely on my birthday. She asked me why I didn’t celebrate my birthday now that I was an adult, and I thought, Yeah, why don’t I celebrate myself now that I am grown?
I planned myself a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant and told everyone that as long as they kept their order under $35, I would pay for it. So I made sure to work overtime for 3 months in advance because I heard there is always a fight about the bill, so I didn’t want that to be a reason for conflict on my birthday.
I invited 12 people who said they would come (family and friends, which include my mom now that my dad is dead; she is no longer super religious for some reason).
Yesterday I had my nails, makeup, and hair done professionally. I just wanted to look really nice, and I have actually only been to formal events like three times in my life, so I was happy to be able to dress up nicely for once.
I got to my dinner, sat at my table, and waited 2 hours, and I kept getting calls from people, telling me they were running late to not being able to come anymore. And after 2 hours, everyone finally told me they were not coming. They didn’t tell me before the dinner; they were all telling me at the time of reservation or later.
The waiter felt so bad because I was crying while I was on the phone with someone I considered to be my friend, telling me she wasn’t coming for me and that even though I didn’t order a meal, he gave me a free birthday slice.
I didn’t even get any pictures of my outfit because I thought someone would help take them for me at the restaurant, and by the time I left the restaurant, my makeup was ruined.
My mom called me on my way home and asked me to stop at her house because she had a present for me.
She says she is sorry she didn’t come, but she was feeling extremely unwell, and she wanted to have a present at least. I go to her house, and I open the door to a surprise, and people see that my face was messed up because I had been crying, so someone says, “Aww, she thought we forgot her,” and I look at the 12 people that were invited to my dinner and am just disappointed that they traded what I wanted for my birthday for this.
They left me stranded and humiliated at a restaurant for hours. I left the surprise party after 5 minutes and just told my mom to keep her present to herself.
I am sorry, but AITJ, for not seeing a good intention here, Am I overreacting??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You planned what you wanted for your birthday. Your friends and family completely disregarded that, lied to you, and left you feeling ignored and unwanted on your birthday. They may have had the best of intentions, but that paves the road to a bad place.
In the end, it is not intentions that matter, but results. Had they done this any other day, things would have worked out well. Instead, they left you alone and feeling unwanted. In no way, shape, or form are you to blame here.” Faustus_Fan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This surprise party was a bad idea from the start but the ONLY reason I could think to let it go is if you told absolutely none of them this dinner was important to you and really, really played it down.
And then they also surprised you BEFORE the reservation time. (Seriously, why didn’t mom alone call and be like, hun I’m sorry I’m so sick but I really want to give you your gift, can you stop by 30 mins before dinner?) Why was part of the fun for all these people in HURTING you.” caramiadare
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Just when I thought I’d heard every variation on the surprise party I found this. I’m so sorry. This was cruel and thoughtless, not a surprise. You worked overtime to have the night you wanted. You paid to look good for this night out.
You were not only abandoned for hours but strung along by everyone saying they were late. When you showed up you were made fun of for crying (a natural reaction). Please don’t let them gaslight you into believing you’re somehow in the wrong. You aren’t.
They are. Please drop these jerks and find new friends. For your mom go no/low contact until she apologizes.” ApprehensiveBook4214
2. AITJ For Gifting My Niece A Dress Against Her Mother's Style Preferences?
“My SIL has a very specific and strict taste in clothing for herself and her daughter. She has several times made it clear that she hates my style in clothing (glitter, pink, flowers, etc.), and doesn’t want my niece (4y) to have that style.
Any time the family is gathered my niece always touches my clothes, and will often look in my closet to see my dresses.
My brother and SIL are having twins in a month, and today we had her baby sprinkle. As a future big sister gift, I gave my niece a pink dress with flowers and a matching glitter bow for her hair.
My SIL was not happy. And made several comments about me not respecting her rules of clothing style.
So my question is, AITJ for gifting my niece a dress I knew she would love when I know it’s something my SIL hates?”
Another User Comments:
“No judgment. I’m just sad for the little girl who has a mom who doesn’t see her as an individual but as a mini-me. If her daughter wants to wear sparkles, she should let her. What she doesn’t get, is if she keeps suppressing her daughter’s wants and personality, her daughter is going to resent her and probably walk out the door at 18 and never look back.” UnicornFarts1111
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, mainly because you gave your niece a gift that she LOVES… that her mother will never let her wear. The better option would be to volunteer to babysit your niece and do dress-up days with her. Let her play with clothes she likes at your house.
When she gets older and her mother can’t force her to wear the clothes her mother has chosen for her, be there to sneak some super girly clothes into her wardrobe. Let her express herself in a safe environment.” AbsurdDaisy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a gift is a gift and they shouldn’t be censored because it’s the thought that’s supposed to count.
If the kid loved it, that’s what matters most. Your SIL can be the bad guy here and take the outfit away from her. She sounds like a controlling person and it’s one outfit, not an entire closet filled with clothes of the same style.
Plus at some point, the kid is going to have to start to pick her own clothes as part of the natural development process and that’s happening earlier and earlier bc kids have strong opinions and deserve some autonomy in basic things. To your SIL, YTJ because you knew she wouldn’t approve of your choice and you did it anyway.
IMHO sometimes it’s ok to do the thing and apologize after. That’s your play here. You made the kid happy and the mom mad – just say “sorry, I didn’t really think it was that big of a deal, but I apologize if you felt slighted by my gift.” Then be done with it.” mybellasoul
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Switch Back To Day Shift Despite My Husband's Discontent?
“My husband (38M) and I (37F) have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids (8 & 6). He works a hybrid schedule so he’s home 2-3 days a week. I’m a nurse at an understaffed hospital. Due to that staffing shortage, I was offered to temporarily switch my work hours to the overnight shift. It came with a nice bump in pay which could really help us out financially.
My husband was very much against it because of the changes it would make to our day-to-day lives. I initially declined the offer but they countered with an even higher pay bump, so I took it.
It’s been 5 months since I changed hours and my husband hates it.
My hours are now 10 pm-8 am M-Thu and midnight-9 am Sunday. I usually make it home just in time to see the kids off to school, run some errands, or get things done at home in the morning, then sleep until the kids’ bedtime and head to work.
I like to think I’ve gotten pretty efficient at it since the change, but my husband disagrees.
I won’t lie, he has had to pick up a lot of kid-related things that we used to share. Pretty much any rides they need are done by him.
Any weekday activities he takes care of. Now that the kids are done with school we have them in a summer daycare program and he does all the drop-offs and pick-ups.
He’s been complaining to me ever since the kids’ school year ended that this isn’t working for him anymore.
He keeps asking when I can switch my hours back. I told him that the original plan was 6-8 months so it could be soon, but it’s only been 5 months.
If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I want to switch back. I’m making and saving a lot more money.
Once I adjusted to the sleep schedule, I felt like I actually had more energy and could get more stuff done when I got home from work.
This past weekend, my husband practically begged me to ask my supervisor when I can switch my hours back.
I finally told him that I’m not sure if I want to do that. He flipped out on me. He told me this isn’t what he signed up for when we got married. He told me he feels lied to because not only did I accept the offer without his “final approval” but now I’m going back on my word that it would be temporary.
He said that if I’m going to keep my current night shift, then I need to do more things at home since I have the whole place to myself during the day. I asked him what more he thinks I should do and he actually made a list. He put pretty much all the yard work on there, which is usually stuff he takes care of and that I don’t know how to do.
I told him I don’t know how to do all of that stuff and he told me “If I can learn how to fold a fitted sheet, you can learn how to mow the lawn.”
I told him that doesn’t seem like a fair division of labor and he told me that he’s taken on all the kid stuff so I need to do more of everything else.
I told him that doing manual labor after I worked all night isn’t going to work for me and he told me to change my hours back then.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve opted out of just about all family time and organized things so that you are free to prioritize work.
When do you have any one-on-one time with either of your children or your spouse? And now that it’s summer, which is usually prime family bonding time, you are still sleeping while sending the kids to programs? There is no reason whatsoever that you can’t learn to mow the lawn and do yard work, that’s a total cop-out.
“If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I want to switch back. I’m making and saving a lot more money.” What’s your financial objective, for what/whom are you saving money? It doesn’t sound like the family has an actual financial need that justifies the hardship.
You know this schedule has made it hard on your marriage and family and you don’t know whether you want to get back to being an actual family? Maybe you need some counseling to figure out why you are even married.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You basically abandoned all your responsibilities and then claimed you’re too dumb to learn how to do yard work. My neighbor has one arm and she mows her own lawn, I can give you her number if you need tips? How could you possibly say it doesn’t sound like a fair division of labor?!?
It sounds like you don’t do anything at home to help with the kids. What do you mean by “division” when it’s only him doing it all? Taking a night shift seems to be a good thing for you at the expense of your family.
You’re a selfish spouse. YTJ.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You made a familial decision unilaterally, and that always makes you the jerk. This decision upended your husband’s schedule and your kids’ schedule. This was something that you two needed to discuss more as a team, because as partners that’s what you are.
You aren’t a solo act, but you’re acting like one. All of the positives are “you” focused. You make more money, you get to save money, you have more energy, while your husband is drowning in the load. This isn’t sustainable for your relationship.
You two need to talk and compromise about this, and if you and he can’t do that calmly with each other, get a couple’s counselor involved before this issue festers any longer. A husband/father shouldn’t be working his life away while neglecting his wife and kids.
It doesn’t suddenly become okay because it’s the wife/mother doing it.” CrimsonKnight_004
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