People Desperately Want Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
24. AITJ For Asking My Partner For A Promissory Note After Loaning Her Funds For Her Business?
“My (25M) significant other (37F) has had a rough time recently.
We have been together for 2 years. She works in fitness and with the government shutdown, her work essentially dried up. She refuses to work a 9 to 5 or work any job outside of her current work. I have a government job while in grad school and live with my parents so I am more stable than her.
I’ve helped her out a great deal during this time.
She wants to open a fitness studio and found a space. For her proposal, she used my pay stubs and tax info and called me her business partner (There was no intention of sharing profits or splitting control of the business with me). I didn’t think my info would help much, but I did have a loan approval letter that I thought could help in creating the image of stability.
I gave her 10k to help with obtaining the lease, and somehow, I ended up agreeing to take the loan out for her. I did not mention a promissory note until this week. Based on conversations and impressions, I did not think that without the loan she could not have the business. I would not have agreed to the loan if I realized this.
We orally agreed that it would be her loan and she would follow the ban terms.
I cashed the check earlier this week and before I sent her the money, I asked her for a promissory note through text. I didn’t think asking for a note was a big deal since it was just writing down what she orally promised. She did not take this well.
First, she has negative feelings towards me asking for the note through text. She states that I never brought up a promissory note the entire time and had I mentioned this she would have not gone through with the lease. She states that my asking for a promissory note is saying that I do not trust her words.
She also says that has an issue with the possibility that I would take her to court. She says I should know her character by now and I should know she would never leave me in a bad position because she is not that kind of person. She says that she has planned out the business around this loan and it is backhanded to bring up a promissory note now.
She also says this puts her back against the wall because it’s either she has to sign the note or she gives up the business.
Now she is saying that she is going to try to get out of the lease and try to mitigate her loss. If she does this, I will be out 10k and have the 15k loan to pay back (basically just the 5k in interest).
To make her not feel like her back is against the wall, I told her I will help her with this month’s rent (which I will use out of the loan I took out).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact she is willing to allow you, a grad student, to take out a $10,000 loan for her (a 37-year-old) is an absolutely MASSIVE red flag.
This isn’t an issue of “trust”, this is just basic financial realities when being in a relationship. Her accusations of this being unreasonable is gaslighting in my opinion, since I highly doubt she thought everything leading up to this was “appropriate”. There should have been far more communication about this on both ends, but not voting E S H because of her reaction and the initial ask.
You don’t ask someone you are in a relationship with to take out a $10k loan for you, and expect them to be 100% liable for it. Trust or not, that is a character flaw as far as I’m concerned.” Judgemental_Panda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should’ve done more and not let it get this far.
The woman wants to commit fraud, not live in the real world by getting a job to support herself and work towards her dream instead of trying to bypass the system and take shortcuts. Those were major red flags.” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“If you can suffer a 15k loss, go for it without the signed written agreement.
Never loan out what you can’t lose. People like your significant other who gets defensive over a promissory note are using your love for her to get what she wants and thinking she can “one over you” (free 10k for her).” EndOk2329
23. AITJ For Continuously Breaking My Promise To Take My Daughter To See An Anime Movie?
“I have a 14-year-old daughter who’s a massive anime fan.
At the beginning of October, she asked me if I could take her to see it saying she would pay for her ticket. I told her to remind me. So when opening night came on the Friday before Halloween she asked could we still go. I told her no because it was cold and rainy.
I told her we could go on Halloween. When Halloween came around we were gonna see it that night but my 3 other kids wanted to go to the preserve for trick or treating. She didn’t take it too well. I told her that it just came out and we could see it next Saturday day but turns out I had an overnight shift I had to work that night so I told her on Sunday we could go.
Sunday came around she was excited because it was finally time for her to see it but since that morning I didn’t get as much sleep as I planned. I told her we could go on Thursday since she was off that day. She kept asking me when we were going but I told her I would take her but her sister didn’t wanna go on the weekend (her sister hates anime).
Almost a month went by and my daughter is really mad at me she stopped smiling and most of the time stays in her room and doesn’t even talk to me anymore. I told my daughters that I was going to the movies to see a movie with a friend and my daughter looked devastated. She asked when was I gonna take her to the movies.
I told her I didn’t know and with that went to her room for the night. The next day it was evening, I went to check on her and I saw her lying on her bed on her phone in pitch-black darkness. I told her to get over herself and get outta bed. The look she gave me made me feel kinda guilty.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Things that you’ve made clear are more important than your promise to her:
- Your other children’s preferences
- Mildly inconvenient weather
- You being a bit tired
- Your OWN movies and fun
You’ve told her where she stands. She’s now (quite reasonably) reevaluating how important your relationship is going to be in the immediate future and when she becomes an adult.” caramellocoala
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She isn’t upset about the movie. She’s upset that her parent is a liar. It’s actually a great thing that you did this! Instead of stressing herself out over making you happy, you just showed her not to waste her time with you ever again. It’ll hurt her now but she’ll be happy without you in a few years.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Last week I was exhausted and my seven-year-old (Autistic) child asked me to take her to see a movie. Any movie. I didn’t want to and said I would on the weekend. She accepted that but looked sad – to be fair she never asks to do things outside the house.
So I asked her why she wanted to go now, she couldn’t answer properly but said she just felt like she wanted to go. So we went. And we had a great time. I was exhausted but her wanting to spend time with me outside the house was special. If I say no too much now, she won’t want to try in a few years.
YTJ – you might not have been able to go the first time but don’t worry, her asking you probably won’t happen again. Ever. You are safe from having to live up to your promise and for being the kind of parent a child wants to be seen with in public.” Talithey
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancée's Best Friend In Our House Anymore?
“Erica (27F) and I (29M) were together for 2 years and have been engaged for the last 4 months. After we got engaged Erica moved into my house. I still pay the mortgage while she pays for utilities, groceries, and household items. After we get married the plan is to put her on the house so she gets equity as well.
Her friend Leah (27F) and she have been best friends since high school. I don’t particularly like Leah but have also been cordial as I know she’s gonna be in my life. My issue is Leah thinks of my home as hers. Couple examples…
She always brings her partner over and he’s a sketchball.
She talks to me in a very disrespectful way in my own house, like I’m a guest and she/Erica own it. One day I went out to my garage and some of my tools were missing. I checked my camera and Leah/her partner were in my garage with Erica and took some tools with them.
I asked Erica and she said they were just borrowing and would return them. I had to reach out multiple times for them to finally return the tools weeks later.
I have a nice wine/liquor collection and I was working late one Friday. While working I heard some clanking of bottles together. Erica wasn’t home so I went out to see what was up.
Leah was behind my bar. I asked what she was doing and she said that Erica told her it was okay to borrow a bottle of wine for her party and that she would pay it back. I told her no that wasn’t alright and to leave. I asked Erica about this and she said “I don’t remember telling Leah she could take a bottle but I might have I don’t remember”.
I told her at this point I wasn’t comfortable with Leah being in my house, Erica sorta understood but also blew me off.
Final straw came when I wanted to go hit some golf balls and my clubs were missing. I freaked out because I golf regularly and my clubs are my biggest investment.
Went to check the camera again and Leah used my garage code and took the clubs. I blew up, called Erica, and told her to get them back immediately. Erica said Leah had asked for the garage code to grab some clothes from her closet and not my clubs. I threatened to call the police but Erica stopped me.
Leah kept telling us that her partner needed them for a work thing. I got them back almost 4 days after they were taken and they were dirty.
At this point I sat Erica down and told her that if I see Leah in my house again then I’m calling the cops, no discussion. Erica got upset saying that it’s her best friend and that wasn’t fair to do to her in our house.
I said it’s a pattern and since Erica’s stuff isn’t affected she doesn’t care. I said she can go over to Leah’s if she wants to see her. She said she can’t do this because Leah doesn’t like her apartment and Leah’s partner is always there which makes Erica uncomfortable.
I’m now getting the silent treatment and getting called a jerk but I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but you are focusing on the wrong issue.
You have a SO problem. Leah would never have had the chance to disrespect you (not more than once at least) if your fiancée had done her job and put her in her place.
Your fiancée has no respect for you and your property.” Unhappy-Coffee-1917
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and as others have said the big problem here is your fiancée. I’m sorry to say. Obviously Leah and her partner are not nice people, but your fiancée is enabling them to treat you this way.
She:
Told them they could take your tools without asking you
Made excuses for Leah when she likely lied about stealing the wine
Gave them access to your home when she knows they have been disrespecting your belongings
Disregarded your feelings when you explained to her why you felt the way you did after stealing your clubs
She regularly defends her not-nice friend, and seemingly never has your back at all. What if she had succeeded in stealing the wine? What if the clubs had been returned to you damaged or broken? Do you think she’d have your back when you want to get them paid for or replaced?
If it were me, I’d be really thinking hard about why I’m even in a relationship with someone who shows such little respect for me, my belongings, and most importantly your feelings, thoughts, and opinions.” GildedGimo
21. AITJ For Wanting To Wear A Wig At My Wedding?
“I (29M) am getting married in April next year to my fiancée (F28).
We´ve been together for two years and living together for two more, I’ll admit I’m not too crazy about weddings, I could have it or not and it wouldn’t bother me, my fiancée, on the other hand, has been imagining her wedding since she was a little girl and has a clear idea of what she wants, so when we were budgeting for the wedding things went smoothly.
Part of the budget included how much we would spend on her dress and my attire. Now for the story it’s important to know that I’m bald and sadly started balding when I was very young so I’m pretty insecure about this, I have been shaving my hair for years but still feel very uncomfortable with my picture being taken and much less posted on social media so when we budgeted for my wedding clothes I decided to go (relatively) cheap on the clothes and use the rest for one of those ultra-secure and natural looking wigs as I didn’t want to feel embarrassed when looking at my wedding photos.
My fiancée knew about my plan and green-lit it however when I got the quote for the wigs and haircut to make it look nice the price was around $1,800.00. Since this price was high, I decided to instead rent a suit as I wouldn’t be using it very often if ever.
The rented suit is slightly different from the one my fiancée and I originally chose but only slightly a few buttons and a slightly darker form of blue, this was not ok with my fiancée and to my surprise turned into a very big deal where she said I should just get over my insecurity and not get the wig.
I responded that it’s my wedding too and I should be able to have a say in it and feel comfortable, she then told me she would feel embarrassed if I got the wig since everyone would know it was fake since everyone knows I’m bald. I then called her a bridezilla and ended up sleeping in the guest room.
I later commented with my sister and she told me I was being a jerk and that I have been bald for some time and should get over it especially since it would affect my fiancée’s vision of the wedding but some friends told me that I wasn’t exaggerating and she could give me this even if she thinks it’s ridiculous.
So now I’m pretty confused if I was being a jerk or not, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. BUT. You know people will see you, know it’s a wig, and wonder why you did it. Others will look at the photos and wonder who the groom is. No one should drastically change their appearance for a one-day event.
You’d regret it forever, no matter how much you spend.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Weird hill to die on, but your insecurities are yours to own. NTJ for wanting a wig. Bit of a jerk for calling your lass a bridezilla because she isn’t being understanding of your insecurities. Keeping name-calling out of fights is one of my 5 relationship commandments.” Dragonkindren1
Another User Comments:
“I mean, NTJ because you are right that it is your wedding too and if you really want this she should accommodate it. But…your fiancée is right that every person at that wedding knows you as being bald and it WILL be commented on (maybe not to your face, but trust me, it will be talked about).
If you really think you will be happier looking back at wedding photos of you in a wig then go for it. But be aware that you might also have memories of overhearing one of your guests mocking you for it.” And_a_piece_of_toast
It's true, everyone knows you're bald. You know you're bald. I think you'll look back at your wedding photos and regret the wig. For that reason I think you shouldn't get the wig. Not because it'll ruin your wife's vision of the wedding.
I also think you need to get over your insecurities about being bald. Your wife fell in love with you as a bald man. Many woman find bald men se×ier. Bald is se×y!
Also, apologize to your wife for calling her a bridezilla. I really don't think she is. Maybe she just doesn't think you're as hot with hair.
20. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Leave Early Due To His Excessive Alarms?
“My husband has a very hard time working in the mornings.
He sets a ridiculous amount of alarms and is the root of one of our common petty arguments.
He will set 5-minute intervals for 1 whole hour. If he is trying to get up at 7:30 am, his alarm will start at 6:30 am and go off every 5 minutes. And he takes a while to snooze. It’s miserable for me.
I go to work at 5 a.m. on some days, and on other days I am able to shift my schedule to 7:30 am. So on those days, I look forward to being able to sleep in just a little longer. Obviously I can’t do that if an obnoxious alarm is going off every 5 mins. It’s so loud that on days I want to sleep in because I don’t have work, his alarm will wake our baby in the other room which means I have to get up at 7 am on my rare days off.
I have begged him to try harder, I’ve offered compromise, I have asked him to shift his alarm to maybe 30mins so I can get that extra 30min shut eye. He’s convinced he won’t wake up if he doesn’t have that many alarms. Some days he’ll completely miss waking up and be very late for work but that’s because he plays games on his phone at night and will fall asleep, and forget to charge his phone!
Today, I decided I wasn’t going to take it any longer. It was my day to sleep in until 7:30 am, but the alarms started at 6:30. Again at 6:35. Another at 6:40. At 6:45, I turned on the lights and yelled at him to get up and leave. He was startled, asking why? It’s still early. I said, if you’re gonna set alarms that early, you’re going to get up and leave early.
I told him it’s ridiculous that everyone around him needs to suffer because he can’t get himself on a better sleep schedule. He started saying “well I guess I’ll just not set my alarms and keep getting late and then I’ll get fired”. He stormed off and went to work and now is really upset that he’s at work an hour earlier than he should be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. Snoozing through alarms for an hour doesn’t help you wake up. It basically trains you to turn off the alarm while you’re sleeping. Set one alarm and put your phone across the room and you will wake up. That is extremely selfish and obnoxious of him.” LuckStrict6000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he is acting like a petulant 11-year-old. One snooze. He should get one snooze. Beyond that he is a nuisance to the rest of the house. Desperate measures… you won’t have to do this for long. After one snooze, get up and turn the lights in the room on. Every time. He will figure it out.” Rddtmcrddtface
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have offered multiple solutions and he has made no effort to be accommodating. It was also his choice to storm off to work. He could’ve stayed at home just being awake for an hour instead of throwing a tantrum and storming out. Also, on your days off when HIS alarm wakes up the baby, why doesn’t he go take care of the baby?
Why is that your responsibility? His needs do not come before the needs of everyone else in the house.” termsofservice1234
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife Encouraged Our Daughter To Take A Job That's Affecting Her School And Health?
“Sarah and I were 18 when our eldest was born, he is now 30.
We have 7 children in total, with the youngest being 17 and as I said the eldest is 30.
Two of my children are daughters, one daughter is 25 with two children and one is Katie.
Katie has always openly resented my wife, they never got the chance to bond because for family reasons Katie and the kids were sent to live with their gran and when Katie was sent back it was after the youngest was born and even at such a young age she was opinionated and angry.
None of our other children were really opinionated which is why my wife didn’t take to Katie.
Katie is still angry for context, even at 20.
My eldest daughter got a care job to support herself and children, my wife who was a SAHM before then started working with my daughter.
Katie goes to school 3 days a week and placement twice a week, her course leader literally came out and said the course is fast-paced and work doesn’t go well with it..
wife and Katie argued because my wife believes Katie should let go of the past, claiming Katie has mental issues for not being able to move past and forgive to which Katie said that the moment she moves out she’ll have nothing to do with my wife, so my wife sets Katie up an interview earning minimum wage (hoping once Katie has a job she’ll grow a little as a person) as a carer!
And now Katie’s attendance at school has gone down to 65% because she goes out early, gets home late, works weekends, and isn’t caring for her diabetes (type 1).
I told Katie to quit and now I and my wife are arguing because she pushed Katie away, if she does move out she will work herself to collapse!
My wife says it isn’t the job and that students work etc…my daughter and wife are blaming me for arguing with my wife claiming they think I’m looking down on the job, Katie is an adult that I can hardly blame my wife, my daughter (eldest) seems genuinely confused and upset why I don’t want Katie doing care work claiming its ‘good experience’ and Katie can make her own choices, its not my wife’s fault for her working there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except Katie. You sent her away from her parents during a critical period of development and decided to have a whole boatload more kids. She was obviously deeply traumatized and you never made sure she had the care she needed. Your wife should be on her knees begging Katie’s forgiveness.” SeasonPositive6771
Another User Comments:
“Your wife wants Katie to “let go of the past” because she doesn’t want to face or deal with her own failures and inadequacies. It’s a nice little cop-out. You guys completely failed as parents, traumatized your kid, and want her to magically “move on”. FYI – that’s not how it works.
Katie might feel that sacrificing her own well-being is worth it if it means she can become independent of you. ESH, except Katie.” Competitive_Tree_113
18. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Sit With My Fiancé's Ex At Our Wedding?
“I’m getting married in one month and now we’re at the stage where we are organizing the seating arrangements.
An ex of my fiancé is invited and I don’t mind since we get along really well and they only briefly were together for a couple of months before deciding to remain friends and the relationship didn’t work for them.
I have an ok relationship with my MIL. We are civil but not extremely close yet I never had any issues with her personally, I mostly have issues with the way she’s treating her own son, aka my fiancé, because she’s not been a good mother to him, she’s very manipulative and there are too many details of horrible mistreatment from her.
My MIL loves me but let’s just say, she adores my fiancé’s ex. His ex, btw is engaged now as well and we’ve met her partner. One time while she was invited to our house she was saying how uncomfortable she feels when my MIL makes comments about how she’s the one that got away and how she should end up with my fiancé.
She’s made those comments in front of the ex’s partner multiple times making everyone uncomfortable.
When MIL found out we were doing the seating arrangements she called us and demanded to be seated next to my fiancé’s ex. My fiancé told her no, her place will be at the main table with the bride and groom’s parents and the bridal party.
She insisted that she’ll convince us to seat her with ex.
The next day (yesterday) she visited us. While there she brought up the seating arrangements and tried to convince us about seating her with my fiancé’s ex again. My fiancé shut it down immediately and I didn’t get involved but she kept going.
She started being more aggressive with her tone to the point I lost my patience and told her that the seating arrangements are those and will not change and she doesn’t get to decide where to sit in our wedding as it’s proper etiquette for the couple’s parents to sit at the main table (this is how it’s done in my culture).
She lost her temper and started calling me names and claimed I’m the biggest bridezilla for not letting her enjoy the company of my fiancé’s ex and how I’m jealous that she’ll look like a better MIL/partner package with her than she does with me. I told her our decision is final and it will not change.
She left and hasn’t talked to us since. My SIL called us and said we’re being jerks for not making a sacrifice for MIL and that we should respect her preference, it’s just a seat. I refuse to seat her there out of respect for both ourselves and my fiancé’s ex and her partner.
AITJ for this???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t even fathom the level of disrespect that your MIL is requesting to sit with her son’s ex-partner on the wedding day as opposed to him and his new wife. Your SIL is also a jerk for thinking this is a fair and reasonable “sacrifice” to make.
This doesn’t sound like your MIL loves you at all. I’d be gritting my teeth through the wedding and going NC after that if it were me.” daydream128
Another User Comments:
“Your MIL wants to spend your wedding day: 1. Making a scene – parents being beside the bride and groom is standard, I think, in most cultures.
People will talk. 2. Harassing two of your guests. – Her “comments” are not only disrespectful to you, but also to your friend and her fiance. 3. Making it about herself – she’s a narcissistic jerk. Clearly. Your SIL needs to stay in her lane and mind her business. Absolutely NTJ.” HeliosOh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If it’s customary for the parents to be seated at the table with you, then her being somewhere else might draw notice.
Perhaps that’s what she wants? To be seen with the ex, thereby making her preference public? Even if that’s not her motive, she is absolutely a jerk for her entitled behavior over seating arrangements AND the way she acts regarding the ex.” GreenEyedKittyCat
17. AITJ For Freaking Out Over My Parents' Expensive Portrait Gift On My Birthday?
“It’s technically my 20th birthday today, but the past couple weeks leading up to it I explicitly told my parents I don’t want a big deal to be made out of it and I’d rather not celebrate it.
It’s been a really rough year, I’ve been incredibly depressed, reclusive, and socially anxious. I have also been taking anti-depressants for the past few months but recently decided to come off them after realizing they were making me lethargic and lazy. The withdrawal effects are no joke though, constantly dissociating, having panic attacks more often, getting light-headed all the time, and feeling like I’m about to pass out.
I have really not been looking forward to my birthday this year, I don’t want to celebrate this year, it’s probably been the worst year of my life so far – what’s to celebrate? My parents said not to worry, we’ll keep it chill and lowkey, a couple of small presents and we’ll go out for dinner.
They understood I’m very sensitive right now and don’t want to be overwhelmed, or so I thought, and I was under the impression it would just be a fairly regular day.
I’ll just cut straight to the point – this morning my parents handed me a huge rectangular present. I unwrapped it. It was a framed painted portrait of me, and it was huge.
Immediately as soon as I realise what it is I start freaking out. First and foremost, this is just an awful present. My parents know me really well so I was just shocked they would think I would like this even a little bit. It looks egotistical, narcissistic, and self-absorbed. What am I supposed to do, hang a gigantic picture of myself on my bedroom wall?
Secondly, it had big uncanny valley energy. It looked like me but it wasn’t, something was super off. My cheekbones were abnormally high and my eyes were unusually small, and I looked unattractive.
Anyway, I couldn’t fake a positive reaction, it was that bad. They knew immediately that I absolutely hated it. I literally just started crying and telling them how awful it is.
They then chose to remind me they spent a grand on it and it took the artist over a month to paint it, that I’m being ungrateful. I told them I don’t want it, that I can’t look at it, that I don’t want it to exist, and that I have an overwhelming urge to burn it.
I told them I couldn’t come out for dinner anymore, and that they should go without me. They already booked a special table and paid for it in advance, but my dad rang up to cancel it. I feel absolutely awful.
$1000 is a lot of money, and I feel I may have overreacted initially upon seeing it.
For them to spend that much money on a painting of me and me to react like that, is it possible I’m just ungrateful and unappreciative? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Although it’s not your ideal present I think your reaction has shown you maybe need to speak to someone who isn’t here. You’re aware you’re suffering and coming off meds isn’t ideal. Speak to whoever you need to speak to to arrange some help!
Apologize to your family for your reaction and explain exactly how you feel and that you aren’t taking your meds. Seek help!” Scottish_squirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is such a weird gift. Sir Winston Churchill hated Graham Sutherland’s portrait of him so much that Lady Churchill burned it. If the painting is truly yours, if you own it, not them because they gave it to you, you can tell your parents that you plan to emulate the great Winston Churchill and burn the unflattering portrait.
Or, they can put it where you never have to see it again.” Revwog1974
16. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Roommate's Partner's Chocolate Cake On My Birthday?
“I (25M) don’t like chocolate. Usually I get a stomach ache from chocolate so I avoid it like the plague. I do have a sweet tooth but I prefer other flavours (caramel, strawberry, etc) far more than chocolate.
You get the picture.
My roommate “Benji” (25M) has been seeing a woman “Brooke” (26F) for 5 months now, and she’s obsessed with two things: baking and chocolate.
Two days ago it was my birthday and to my surprise Brooke gifted me a cake … a death-by-chocolate mudcake.
I told Brooke straight up I couldn’t eat it, and I suggested she should give the cake away to Benji.
But Brooke was insistent that the cake was my present from her and she wanted me to keep it and eat it.
I had to reiterate that chocolate made me feel sick and I wasn’t going to eat the cake. Brooke insisted I have a spoonful to at least try it, but I told her I’d rather she just give the cake away to someone else because I really didn’t want it, and her baking would be completely wasted on me.
It went back and forth like that for a while and Brooke was still pushing me to accept her cake. I admit I was getting frustrated with the conversation so I just walked away and left her in the kitchen with the cake.
15 minutes later I come back to the kitchen for a drink and Brooke had cut a slice of the cake and was trying to give it to me to try.
I once again told her that chocolate makes me sick and I don’t want to be sick on my birthday, especially because I was having friends over later and I didn’t want any stomach issues.
At that point I was done with the whole conversation and I told her she needed to stop obsessing over trying to feed me her cake because it was really making me uncomfortable on my birthday.
And this is where I could be the jerk – to lighten the mood I did jokingly ask if she was a “feeder” and that’s why she was so obsessed with the idea of me eating her cake.
Brooke and Benji are both pretty angry with me at the moment and think I was acting like a jerk, but I have other friends that are on my side and think Brooke was way out of line.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That comment may not have been super nice, but she was incredibly out of line trying to forcibly make you eat her cake. Like what? If I had seen that I would have told her to back off. You told her that you did not want it, why you did not want it, and even offered an alternative solution.
I would have probably said something similar considering how adamant she was. Totally unnecessary.” Taylartot
Another User Comments:
“I get Brooke’s good intention: she loves to bake (me too) and she’s showing her fondness by making you a nice cake. Things got weird when she kept insisting you try it. Once you’ve made it very clear that you can’t eat chocolate because it makes you ill, that should be the end of it.
As long as she got the impression that you appreciated her gesture- “oh my, it looks amazing, it was SO NICE of you to do this for me and I WISH I could have a piece, really! But chocolate makes me vomit”- then, NTJ.” SpicyMustFlow
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Stepmom's Favoritism Towards My Half-Brother?
“I (17F) have had separated parents since I was seven. When I was 11, my dad married my current stepmom.
Things were already kind of tough before they were married, (she was always controlling and when they had their son she became even worse). While I’ve learned to deal with her controlling behavior and such, I can’t help but feel she and my father both have proclaimed my half-brother their favorite. I didn’t really ever mind so much, he was their kid, and we were only my dad’s.
However, this is my last Christmas I am going to be forced to visit them.
We gathered in the morning for presents and as my cousin passed out presents, I and my two other biological siblings all had around six presents. My half-brother had twenty. Again, I didn’t care about the amount. It’s Christmas, and whatever we get I’m going to be grateful for.
Things only got frustrating for me when my half-brother started dancing around the house announcing the fact that he had more presents than anyone else. My younger brother (14) has never been one to deal with it all that well and got annoyed, told my half-brother to stop bragging, and then got scolded for “being mean to his brother on Christmas morning.” I was so upset that he had got in trouble for that.
Anyways, come the day after Christmas, and more family arrives. We do a second Christmas, and one of my stepmom’s sisters hands me a present. Half-brother complains until she hands him a present, and gloats when my stepmother’s other sister hands him a gift but not us. Again, I get that he is their biological son, but I mean she handed him $50 right in front of our faces.
Anyway, later that night I’m reading a book on the couch and my stepmom tells me to load the dishwasher and I comply, she gets easily angry and often takes my phone if I don’t do what she asks. While we do our separate things in silence, my half-brother comes in showing off his $145 cash in his wallet.
He was talking to me and said “My parents are rich. Now I’m rich, you’ll never be like me.” I took that as a direct insult to me and my mother. I told him to be nice, and that was a messed up thing to say. My stepmom scolded ME and said I’m too grown up to be “bullying a little boy.” Like????
Anyway, I blew up on her and said I was sick and tired of the blatant favoritism in this family and that I couldn’t wait to turn eighteen and leave this place forever. She started crying, and my dad walked in, immediately calling me a jerk for hurting her feelings. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Obviously, your family is toxic and it is great this will be your last Christmas with them. Tell your siblings that they just have to wait until they turn 18 and then they will have THEIR freedom. Your dad and stepmom have not done your 1/2 brother any favors. His time is coming. When he is unable to make friends and develop relationships based on his obnoxious behavior, he will feel the brunt of his lack of parenting.
You have been very mature about this. I wish you and your siblings all the best life has to offer. I am sending you all hugs.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s abusive behavior on their part. They’ve put your half-brother in the golden child role and act like he’s infallible. They abuse all of you by forcing you to witness the blatant favoritism.
They also severely neglect your half-brother who’ll struggle in life and slowly realize the rest of the world doesn’t think he’s god’s gift to earth. He’ll lack a lot of social skills to make it out there. Then your half-brother taunts the rest of you with his gifts. It’s not just bragging, it’s taunting. Whenever someone objects, your parents pretend like they’re the aggressors and that your half-brother was the victim.
And once you called your stepmother out, she played victim so your dad would yell at you. Your stepmother, dad and all her family members are all jerks for their favoritism. Your half-brother is a jerk for the taunting. Your stepmother and dad are also jerks for pretending your half-brother and stepmother are the victims and for enabling your brother’s shenanigans.
Your biological full siblings are not jerks, and neither are you. Not the jerk.” PetrogradSwe
14. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Study Guide With A Bully?
“I’m a 14F and a high school freshman. I share an AP Chem class with a girl who we’ll call Maddie. Maddie’s not an obvious bully, but she’s not the two-faced bully who’s an angel in front of adults either.
She just targets girls who don’t share any classes with their friends (like me) and then makes a condescending comment like “Looks like mommy forgot to help someone do her hair this morning!” or “Poor sweetie can only afford Goodwill clothes! No wonder she can’t find a partner!” before peacing out. Pretty annoying, but she luckily doesn’t bother me enough to affect me in any way.
Finals are incredibly hectic at our school (we attend a college preparatory academy) so our AP Chem teacher was nice enough to assign us a study guide that would count as our final instead of an actual test. There were 25 questions all on simple balancing chemical equations and stoichiometry. Except for the numbers being changed, they were exactly the same as the ones he demonstrated in class and the ones in the Khan Academy videos he posted on his class websites.
It was worth 200 points, (About 20% of the final grade) we would have three weeks to do it, and it was graded entirely on effort. So as long as you did all the steps, you would get full credit, even if the answers were off by a bit.
I wrote the whole second paragraph to show that it was an easy assignment.
So it was surprising when Maddie came up to me during nutrition (about two hours before AP Chem.) She’s fake nice for ten seconds, then starts begging me to let her see my study guide because she hadn’t had time to do the study guide since she had to see her partner/go to tennis practice, and “This is my last chance to pass the class.”
I was, honestly, pretty upset, but I told her as calmly and maturely as possible something along the lines of, “Sorry, if you were nice to me, then I would want to help you. But you’re always very rude to me, so I don’t want to help you.” She started begging more but I walked away.
Sure enough, the fifth period rolls around and Maddie’s the only one who doesn’t turn in her study guide.
My friend, Lynn, told me later that I should have helped Maddie because it would be devastating for her to potentially be removed from the Tennis team for bad grades and that Maddie might’ve started being nice to me if I helped her.
But I disagreed with Lynn because I feel like to someone like Maddie, it would be an invitation to take advantage of me. I’m doubting myself and if I made a jerk move. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like “Maddie” are worse than obvious bullies imo. Should’ve done her homework if she didn’t wanna risk her place on the tennis team.” polapolasagna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the definition of Mess Around and Find Out. She had 3 weeks – as you OP – to organize her time and complete the assignment. Her failing isn’t your fault. It’s the consequences of her own actions. You helping her would only serve you as transforming you into some pushover to her and she would go after you for copying the assignments and homework from then on.
You owe her nothing. And if she fails even more opportunities for you to get away from such an annoying person.” Feisty_Philosophy786
Another User Comments:
“Lynn needs to learn nearly as much about life as Maddie does. It’s your study guide. You don’t owe it to anyone, Maddie’s spot on the tennis team isn’t your problem, and this isn’t Lynn’s decision.
If Lynn wanted to be compassionate she ought to have stuck up for you when Maddie singled you out. I guarantee you, if you had given Maddie that study guide she would have gone back to being terrible as soon as you stopped being useful. NTJ.” doublestitch
13. AITJ For Going To A Baseball Game Alone After Being Excluded By My Brother-In-Law?
“My wife’s brother is in the military. He only comes to town once in a while, for short bursts. His wife dislikes me, but he and I have always gotten along pretty well. We’re both huge baseball fans, as is my father-in-law.
My father-in-law and I have been really close since my wife and I started seeing each other.
My mother-in-law passed before we got married, and since he’s handicapped, my wife and I actually lived with him for about two years to take care of him. He now lives in a senior facility, but we see him basically daily.
Anyway, my brother-in-law came to town today. I texted him a week ago and brought up the idea of him and I going to the baseball game.
He said he’d talk to his wife about it and get back to me.
He never did, but he also flew halfway across the country, and then drove another 5 hours. All with a pregnant wife and toddler, so I was understanding when he didn’t get back to me.
So anyway, we get breakfast this morning.
Me, my wife, my FIL, BIL, his wife, and toddler daughter. I didn’t know the plan, but had washed and packed my baseball jersey, hat, etc for the game. When my wife said “Oh yeah, did you wanna go to the game with dad and (me) tonight?” He said, while avoiding eye contact with me, “Oh yeah.
I was just gonna do it as a me and dad thing.”
I was crushed. I wouldn’t even mind it if he had mentioned it to me at some point earlier. But after I suggested it, I basically took it as “Oh yeah. But you’re not invited.”
The way I see it, if you wanted to spend more time with your dad, maybe spend more than 2 days of your vacation here.
If you want my guess, (complete speculation) he probably didn’t mind me going. But his wife convinced him that I shouldn’t go.
My FIL wanted me to come. But he’s nonconfrontational. I decided to just drop it, I’m not gonna force myself somewhere I’m clearly not wanted. They all went to hang out after breakfast, but I decided to just go work my side gig, so as to not cause a scene.
But he’s in town for one more night. I’ve decided instead of going to dinner with the rest of the family, I’m just gonna treat myself to a ball game (I go alone all the time, I’m just that big of a fan).
My wife and FIL both said to go for it, they’re probably more upset than I am.
But am I being a jerk to basically decide that I don’t want to be a part of somewhere I’m clearly not wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BIL’s wife aside. Your BIL should have had enough respect for you to let you know that he intended to go without you in advance, instead of allowing you to think you were going.
It shouldn’t have taken your wife asking for him to finally let you know that plans had changed. That’s incredibly disrespectful and mean. They didn’t deserve your presence at dinner after treating you that way, I hope you enjoyed your game.” Dont-trust-it
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s allowed to spend time with just his Dad.
He is slightly a jerk for not being respectful and talking to you about it first. And whilst it is never nice to not be included, you’re right you don’t have to spend time with people who have made it clear they didn’t want to include you.” pixelunicorns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but do not speculate.
Go, have fun and treat yourself to some game hotdogs or nachos. If you don’t make it an issue, it won’t become an issue. Your BIL probably has issues himself and your FIL will make it up to you in a few days if he feels it has been malicious.” meggye2201
As for sil I would spend as little time as possible with her but know that once fil is no longer here you probably won’t have to deal with her anyways
12. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Husband's Friend's Wife To Her Appointments?
“My husband is deployed overseas and I have a newborn and my 3-year-old niece over here by myself.
(I am taking care of her as my older sister is incarcerated). I have no family or friends around here to help me or give me a break. I’m already doing my part and then some. I’m utterly exhausted and have NO sleep schedule/routine for myself as the kids (especially the newborn) are expectedly demanding.
To the point where I feel I’m going to throw up if I don’t get rest when I can.
My husband met somebody overseas who is stationed at our base. He says his wife lives here, is pregnant, ill (he says mental illness like severe PTSD/anxiety), and cannot drive herself anywhere. He volunteered me to drive her around to her early AM appointments without asking me first. He loves helping people.
I get it. But that’s where I’m like “what about me?”
When he called me and told me about it I said “no.” I physically cannot put in the extra work to take care of another human being (especially an adult whom I do not know) and he got upset with me because he already told his mate that I could help them.
I can’t. I genuinely cannot unless they want me to lose what little sanity I have left. I told him this but he doesn’t seem to think that I’m having that hard of a time and could easily help somebody out in need. I am running on fumes and figured out how to manage with what I have.
The extra work could quite literally break me.
He thinks I’m being extremely insensitive and how would I feel if I needed help but there was nobody there to help me. I told him I needed help myself but he thinks I’m being overdramatic. The mate is now disappointed and the wife has nobody to bring her to her appointment early in the morning.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Volunteering your time and energy like that was a jerk move on your husband’s part. You have a toddler and a newborn; of course you’re exhausted and clinging to your last remnants of sanity! I get that your husband’s friend and his wife were hopeful, but your husband is responsible for getting their hope up, not you.
While I’m certain this other woman needs help, you can’t pour out of your own empty cup to fill hers. She can take an Uber to get where she needs to go.” macladybulldog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The base should have resources for spouses that she can be directed to if you are unable.
Keep putting your foot down bc you can’t look after others if you are unwell. Maybe a good compromise would be to help the wife make contact with another group/person you know. This way you are still helping but won’t be stretching yourself outside of your comfort zone. Of course, only if you are able to.” delectablepeccable
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Adopted Kids About Their Biological Mother?
“26 years ago, I met an amazing guy at a wedding and we instantly clicked. It turned out he was recently widowed – his wife passed away during childbirth. Sometime later, her parents died in a car crash & she had no real family except them.
I fell in love with him (Matthew, 30 then, now 55) and he with me.
I had already met his twin babies (Mabel & Michael) by the 3rd date and absolutely loved them and taking care of them. I always wanted to be a mom but found out I’m infertile sometime before I met him. He popped the question a year later and we got married.
Now, I loved these kids so much that I formally adopted them when I got married. I have never ever once felt or made them feel that they’re not my biological children.
My parents too have accepted them as their own grandchildren and have been the best Grammie & Grappa to them.
My husband made me vow on my wedding day that we’d never tell the kids about their real mom, he didn’t want to cause them the heartache he went through. Not just me, he made everyone, including his parents, my parents, our siblings & extended family vow that too.
I of course didn’t want that but I went ahead with it under pressure. Since then I’ve brought it up numerous times that we should tell the twins about their mom but he always shuts me down. Once they turned 18, I told my husband that they were old enough to handle it and we should tell them.
We tried but we chickened out at the last moment.
Fast forward to a month ago, at a family friend’s wedding some distant great-aunt complimented Mabel saying she looked exactly like her mother. She laughed and said, “oh I don’t think so but thanks!” The aunt then went on to clarify that she was talking about her real mother, not me.
Mabel got confused but didn’t say anything until the wedding was over. She then asked what aunt meant and the aunt told her.
A few days later Michael & Mabel came home for dinner and told me what the aunt had said. Tearfully, Matthew & I explained what she meant. I told them everything and even our reasons for hiding this fact.
We showed them pictures and gave them all the trinkets and photos my husband had saved of her for the twins.
They both lost it at the table. They screamed at me for hiding such a big truth. I accepted my mistake and said that I hoped they’d find it in them to forgive me.
They then went on to say that they would never call me Mom again since I stole this name that rightfully belonged to their actual mother.
I tearfully snapped and said that it wasn’t fair because I treated them like my own children and never once made them feel like I wasn’t their real mother.
As far as they were concerned, they were my own children. I raised them and took care of them like a real mother and deserve to be treated like one.
Now they won’t even talk to me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Both you and your husband and everyone else that’s lied to these kids.
That wasn’t fair to the kids and it was really disrespectful to the memory of their poor mother. I have two children I love them more than life itself and I’ve given so much for them. The thought of them growing up and having no idea that I existed makes me feel a bit sick.
Whilst he at least has the excuse of being traumatised over her death you should have set out clear boundaries here and refused to live a lie. I have friends whose parents have died young, one’s dad died before she was even born. It wasn’t traumatic for them they grew up with it as a fact of life.
Finding out that you’ve been lied to your whole life by the people supposed to be your parents is traumatic. If you had been upfront about it then they’d probably still call you mum again a few of my friends do with step-parents that have been in their lives a long time but with the way you’ve done it I can totally see why they’d see it as you stealing the title.
You walked in and took that woman’s place with no recognition of her at all.” Bn0503
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Though your intent wasn’t malicious, you and your husband, and everyone who agreed to this stupid plan, completely betrayed their trust by forcing them into living a lie. Their entire existence, identity, and what they know to be true about themselves was based on a falsehood that you two dished out to them for no good reason.
You erased their real mother from their lives and stole that connection from them without considering how it would make them feel when they inevitably learned the truth. Their mother carried them, made plans for them, had dreams for them, and loved them – they deserve to know who she was and they’ve missed out on 26 years of that.
Seriously, how dare you? How dare your husband? The two people they probably trusted to protect them more than anyone deceived them and caused them worse pain than what your husband was trying to prevent. And you minimize it by calling it a “mistake” when it was years of you pretending to be something you weren’t.
Thousands of choices when you could’ve told them the truth at any time. Seriously though, you and your husband are selfish.” F*******5
10. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Move Out Due To His Poor Hygiene And Lack Of Responsibility?
“I (29F) have been in a relationship with my partner (28M) for over 4 years.
He moved in (as an “add-in” to my lease, but I am the sole renter) with me in August even though he works an hour away so he travels 2 hours a day for work. I told him he should move closer to work from his parents’ house, but he really wanted to live with me so I agreed and insisted he would make his life harder by doing this, but he’s an adult he knows what the consequences are.
I lived about 10 minutes from my school, my car was about to break down (and it has), since I am finishing up my graduate degree and needed to be close by to work on my dissertation and teach classes which I am doing next semester. However, about two weeks into moving in with my partner my mom was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery to remove the tumor, and is currently undergoing chemotherapy until either December or March.
When I come back my apartment is disheveled and it stresses me out.
- The apartment smells bad. The bedsheets smell like vinegar because my partner doesn’t like to wear clothes when he sleeps, sweats, and then doesn’t change the sheets as often as he should so it is up to me to do it. I would change sheets every two weeks but when I left it up to him, I lasted about a month before I physically couldn’t sleep because the smell was so bad.
- Leaves the towel on the floor so the bedroom also smells like mildew. One time I let him leave the towel on the floor and when I came back a week later it had never moved or made it to the laundry hamper.
- Since he has moved in he has done laundry twice and he doesn’t have a lot of clothes so he is reusing clothes he has worn often.
- On weekends I am away due to caring for my mom or having to fly out for a conference, my partner invites his friends over for games and they leave a mess because I will find food chunks on the carpet. I am also mortified that he is bringing friends over with the apartment smelling bad or just not cleaned up so it makes us look like we don’t know how to live.
- Doesn’t replace any groceries or toiletries when I’m gone and when I come back to my apartment I’m just out of coffee creamer, coffee, toilet paper, and/or essentials but he frequently buys beers a few times a week so I know he is going to a store but it’s probably just a beer store?
- A few times, but this hasn’t happened again, there was pee visibly on the toilet seat and I’m pretty sure he left it there for days.
- I flipped my lid at him for leaving pee on the toilet seat. I told him it doesn’t take hours to clean up after himself and he needed to do it.
I want a partner and I’m not his mom. I might be the jerk for not seeing it from his side. He said it was still unfair and I wasn’t seeing it from his side and he’s tired all the time, but again he chose to move in with me because he thought it was a waste of move for us to have two apartments.
WIBTJ for asking my partner to move out because I honestly do not think he knows how to live on his own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why people always say a man should always live alone before moving into a joint apartment for a relationship. You have fully adopted the role of his “parent” now.
He is not going to learn how to take care of himself and do basic apartment cleaning until he is forced to on his own.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you will be if you don’t end his smelly relationship because how is the relationship ever going to be at a point where you can move forward…I mean are you just not going to ever live with him?
He’s almost 30, I think that ship has sailed on him not being gross so…yeah…next that gross man and focus on your mom and yourself – you deserve so much better!!” Gorilla_girl17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not his mother and you’re not a maid. This is your home, not a hotel, and he needs to clean up after himself.
Before that though, have you talked to him about it at all? Sit him down, explain that groceries need to be replaced and that he needs to do his laundry/wash the sheets/clean the carpets. If you have tried that already and it hasn’t changed, definitely tell him to leave. Think long and hard about if you want this to be your future, because if you’ve talked about this with him and it hasn’t changed…
It may not, and those should be red flags for you.” oldforgottenhall
9. AITJ For Revealing I'm Gay At My Sister's Engagement Party?
“My sister has been seeing this guy for almost a year and a half now, and he recently proposed. His family is really high-brow and threw this massive engagement with all their extended relatives to celebrate their upcoming marriage.
My sister really wanted me to come (especially given that I’m the only family she has left), and I was more than willing to, but her fiancé’s family is very conservative (especially socially) so she asked that I don’t bring my wife (as I’m in a gay relationship).
I did kind of blow up saying I shouldn’t have to go back in the closet to appease bigots.
Later I decided she is my sister and I want to support her because I know how hard this would be for her alone, so I told her I would go without my wife. Then she said that also includes not mentioning I’m gay while I’m there, and after a bit of pushback I told her I won’t bring it up.
The party was going well but when I was talking to one of her fiancé’s relatives he asked if I had a male partner. I said no, because I don’t. He then went on about how fantastic his son is and how well we would get along, and I said no thank you. He told me a young woman like myself shouldn’t be single, I then told him I am not single and I don’t appreciate his insistence.
He called me a liar because I said I didn’t have a partner, then I said I don’t, I have a wife, and he basically said “(your sister) never mentioned she was related to someone like that”.
I am now finding out her fiancé’s family is calling off the wedding, because of me, and she told me I should have just stuck to what we agreed. I said she shouldn’t want to marry a man like that, and what if her child was gay or trans would you just tell them to hide that from their father and his family too?
She told me it’s not my place to tell her who is or isn’t right for her.
I feel really bad because she feels bad but I know that guy wasn’t a good person. Though maybe she is right and that wasn’t my call to make, and if I was going to tell people I shouldn’t have gone.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sis is living in dreamland. So you make it through one party without letting it slip that you’re gay. Then what? Your wife isn’t welcome at the wedding? At any future Christmas or Thanksgiving or random family get-together? You didn’t get the marriage called off.” annia929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, NTJ, NTJ!! You went above and beyond for your sister… Even agreeing to her unreasonable demand to leave your WIFE!! at home to please these bigots! The only thing you did was not actively lie when asked a direct question – which is completely reasonable! What was her plan here?? Keep you in the closet for the rest of her life/marriage?
Your sister will hopefully get over this “loss” soon (and ideally one day realize how lucky she is not to be married to that jerk)… but that’s 100% on her!” beeeeeebee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you shouldn’t have gone in the first place. MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION: What is wrong with your sister to potentially marry a man who hates people like you (one of her only living relatives)?!
Is she so desperate for a husband that she’d risk losing her sister?!” Proud_Drawing5898
BUT, I'm shocked that your sister would still consider marrying into a family like that. I think things worked out well and she was saved from making a terrible mistake, but I'm sure she's not thinking that now.
Either way, none of her drama is your fault, and if she tries to blame you, tell her her fiance's relative is the one to blame. Good luck.
8. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Husband After He Tried To Trade His Christmas Gift With My Boss?
“So in every holiday celebration (Christmas in this case) I make a list of the people I’m buying gifts for and what type of gifts I’m buying.
I struggled with mistreatment in my previous job but got fortunate enough to now be working in a very friendly environment with amazing co-workers and an amazing boss. My boss has stood by my side in many many instances and I decided to include him in my gift list. I got a tie which was within average price nothing fancy, still keeping it professional and he liked it so much.
The issue started when my husband received the Christmas gift I bought him which was a pair of sunglasses that I thought he liked. He didn’t say he didn’t like it but he has a bit of a passive attitude and he doesn’t give his honest opinions.
Monday (yesterday) he showed up at my workplace and told my boss to trade the gift I gave him with his, my husband clearly found out what I got for my boss by looking at my list. My boss notified me while I was out and I couldn’t believe it.
I went home and just blew up at him for going to my workplace and bullying my boss into trading gifts with him. He said it was between him and my boss and I should stay out of it and not be such an over-reactor. I told him I’ve always maintained a good and professional relationship with my boss and what he did damaged that professional relationship.
He doesn’t know my boss at all nor met him personally to be this comfortable with him. He said that my boss is “human” and I should stop walking on eggshells just to keep my job but it’s not like that at all. That is just not my point. We had a huge argument over that and he said that unlike us women, “them” men don’t see it as a big issue and are a lot more chill than us when it comes to “etiquette” and that kind of stuff us women obsess over though my boss was obviously weirded out and upset and it WAS a big deal since he wants to speak to me asap.
My husband also said it’s basically my fault he didn’t like the original gift I bought for him so that’s on me.
We’re both mad and have basically been arguing with each other ever since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your husband is. You are in no way overreacting, it’s an immature and completely selfish thing to do over something as insignificant as a Christmas present.
He risked your professional reputation, and job, as well as your financial position as a married couple. His blatantly sexist way of trying to invalidate your feelings because “women obsess over things” is horrific, and would genuinely make me reconsider whether I want a life with that person. He is also gaslighting you with the “it’s your fault I’m angry, so the fallout is your fault too”; do not give in to this.
He is wrong.” innocentsubterfuge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m rather worried about your husband’s treatment of you — this level of controlling, boundary-stomping behavior is not normal or healthy and speaks to a deeper dysfunction in your relationship. I’m sorry you’re going through this. As a gentle aside though, you shouldn’t really be getting your boss a Christmas present due to the power dynamics at play.
Gifts flow downwards, not up, in the workplace. That doesn’t change your husband’s insane reaction though.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that really seems like some kind of messed up power play. Why couldn’t he just exchange his gift at the store and buy what he wanted? Why did he have to have your boss’ gift?
Really ask yourself that. That was so far out of line in general, but the fact that it’s your boss makes it so much worse. Your husband isn’t entitled to someone else’s gift. Your husband has no business threatening your job like that.” CoastalCerulean
7. AITJ For Including Transgender Representation In My Sister's Wedding Cake?
“I, 43F have a younger sister 38F that we can call Maria.
Keep in mind throughout this story that Maria is transgender (MTF), and our parents are not very accepting of her.
2 years ago, my sister’s now-husband, “Lucas” (40M), proposed to her at a family dinner. Both of my parents said it was “inappropriate and should not have been done.” I defended my sister, knowing that the only reason they brought this up was that she is transgender, and would not genuinely support their marriage.
I had a private conversation with our parents and told them that they should try to be happy for them, and they reluctantly agreed.
Fast-forward two years later, December 2021, my sister’s wedding is 3 weeks away. My sister made sure that I was in charge of the cake because she knew that I would pick out something she would love.
Being transgender has been something that Maria made very clear. Whether it was through pins, stickers, tattoos, or clothing, she has a lot of transgender representation in her life. I wanted to include this in her wedding cake, as I knew it would’ve meant a lot to her. I wanted to stick to the traditional white frosting cake, so I told the cake decorator to make the inside colors the colors of the transgender flag, to add a transgender pin to the figurine on the wedding topper, and to have the frosting flowers on the outside of the cake the colors of the transgender flag.
All of this was done in the span of the last 6 days before Maria and Lucas’s wedding.
On the day of the wedding, the cake was brought out and Lucas and Maria were beyond happy when they saw it. Our parents, on the other hand, weren’t. In front of everyone, they told me I had ruined my sister’s wedding and should be ashamed of myself.
My aunt joined in and said that I was out of line for not sticking with a traditional white cake as the rest of their family had for their weddings.
My sister reassured me by telling me that the cake was beautiful, but I am continuing to get hateful messages from my parents and aunt about how I completely ruined Maria and Lucas’s wedding, and that I’m a jerk for trying to “put our business out there”.
I’ve been trying to defend myself, but I can’t help but think I really did do something wrong. AITJ for ruining my sister’s wedding with the cake I got?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister asked you to pick the cake. She was happy with it. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t matter. You said both she and her husband were happy with the cake.
Their opinion is the only one that matters in this instance. Good job on creating a cake that she was happy with.” awkwardlifemomemts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister trusted you to get a cake she would love, and she loved it. Mission accomplished! You didn’t ruin anything! It sounds like your parents were barely tolerating the relationship/wedding as it was, so they would have jumped on any excuse for the wedding to be “ruined.” That cake sounds amazing!
I hope they have a happy life together!” SadinaSaphrite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only people that matter here are your sister and her husband. They both loved it as you said and she chose you to get the cake because she could trust you would act in her best interest not the best interest of your prejudiced family.
They’ll get over it and they need to realise it’s not about them and their family traditions, god people are awful sometimes.” saberdanger91
NTJ.
6. AITJ For Selling My Old Laptop To A Friend Instead Of Giving It To My Brother's Wife For Free?
“I bought a laptop two years ago, it’s fairly new, I’ve used it a lot but it’s in great condition. It was an expensive laptop.
Last month I took place in a contest my job organized and I was one of the winners and I won a laptop.
It’s way better than the one I had bought in the past and I decided to keep it. While chatting about it with a friend of mine she said how she was planning to buy a laptop and I told her I could sell her mine since it’s in great condition and she wouldn’t have to spend that much money on a new one and she accepted. So I sold my friend my old laptop.
The original price of the laptop when I bought it was $700 and I sold it to my friend for $450.
Yesterday my brother asked me what I’m gonna do with that old laptop of mine since I won the new one and I said I sold it to my friend. Then both my brother and my mother got mad at me and started scolding me for selling the laptop to my friend instead of giving it to my brother’s wife.
I told them I didn’t know his wife needed a laptop and if I did I’d sell it to her but my friend asked me first. They then got more upset at me because I implied I’d sell the laptop to my sister-in-law instead of giving it away for free. They gave me lots of trouble about how I thought of my friend first and how I should think of my own family first and put them as a priority and not give the laptop to my friend unless none of my family wanted it.
I insist that it was a laptop I paid for with my own money and I get to decide where it goes. They now guilt trip me claiming I don’t love and appreciate my family and that I care about my friends more. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“They are absolutely right…. you should have called each of your relatives in turn, in order from closest to most distant relative, asked if they needed it, if no then asked if they thought they might need it within 2 years, and if still no, then offered them 2k to take it off your hands.
NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to keep tabs on anyone’s wants or needs, nor give them stuff for free. You talked with a friend, and when said friend mentioned needing a new laptop, you made a deal. Now if sister-in-law needed a new laptop so badly, maybe the moment you told you won a new one, brother could have said “hey… wife-mob really needs a laptop, but we are short on cash!
Can we work something out?” Or maybe…. gasp…. sister-in-law could have asked you herself.” Shambzter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all you can’t read their minds and know that your sister-in-law needed a laptop. Second how entitled of them to expect you to give it away for free! That’s taking advantage of YOU! So I guess in their twisted way of thinking that means they don’t love you?” FuntimeChris79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are under no obligation to give your family stuff for free just because you ran into some good fortune. Unless your family regularly does these things for each other (ie, offering you expensive items for free when they no longer need them) they should have zero expectation of you giving away your laptop for free.” JaniyaGreen
5. AITJ For Taking My Partner Home Early To Respect Her Father's Curfew?
“Okay so a few nights ago my 22M partner 19F and I went to my school friend’s house for a party. We have been seeing each other for about 2 weeks and we have known each other for about 6 months.
Her father has been a little suspect of me as I am 3 years older, which I totally understand because it played on my mind too before I asked her out. But she is just amazing in all ways and I can’t imagine myself with someone else.
Anyway, the other night I took her to my mate’s place for a party as I wanted to introduce her to all my school friends.
She checked with her old man and he said yes as long as she is back by 10 pm. Another consideration is that she doesn’t drive. I say “yep no problem” and she agreed to.
On the way to the party she tells me to just ignore her dad and have a few drinks and take her back in the morning.
I protested and said no I want to earn her old man’s trust and show him respect. This hurt as I wanted nothing more than to spend the night together but I felt it was right.
So 9:30 rolls around and I say to her “let’s go” I don’t wanna be late. I then turn to a mate and say “leave that whiskey for me I got some catching up to do when I get back.” She protests saying she is having a good time and that she doesn’t want to go.
We talk, keep it civil and eventually she agrees and we leave.
In the car I explained to her my stance and reinforce how much I don’t wanna do this. She is just quiet, when I get to her place I walk her to the door. Her father answers and said “thank you and what you’ve done means a lot.” I say “too easy” and accept his handshake.
My partner is still a little annoyed hinting that she thinks this isn’t gonna work.
I don’t want this to be over, she is amazing in every way, and I understand that what I did was sexist as I was putting the wants of the father over her, but I do not want him to stop me from seeing her as he didn’t trust me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You weren’t being sexist. Your partner’s father is overbearing though. She’s been a legal adult for over a year now. I understand her frustration to not want her father controlling her life. I also get that you were trying to do what you thought best so that you both could continue seeing each other.
When things have cooled down, try listening to her side, and share yours. Figure out a way to make it work – and that might mean encouraging her to speak with her dad about pushing the curfew later or eliminating it altogether. I ran away from home when I was 19 because my mom was being controlling in a very similar way – including relating to getting jobs, etc.” sharingiscaring219
Another User Comments:
“I don’t necessarily think you’re a jerk, but I can see where she’s coming from. She is 19 years old, while she lives under her father’s roof, this seems to be a toxic dynamic. What 19-year-old has a 10 pm curfew? 2 weeks into the relationship and you are already listening to her father over her, imagine how that makes her feel.
She is the one who has to answer to him, not you. This seems to be a discussion that needs to be had between her and her father about boundaries now that she is an adult. At the end of the day though, if she didn’t want to leave and chose rather to face the consequences of her father later on, that is ultimately her decision and you don’t really have the right to make that decision for her.
No jerks here, except maybe the dad for being overbearing, though I do think you made a decision that may set a pretense for the relationship going forward, and she may choose not to continue pursuing things with you.” EveningJellyfish1
4. AITJ For Considering Not Going To My Own Baby Shower Because Of My Partner's Controlling Mom?
“For the past few months I (22f) have been living in my mom’s apartment with my partner (23m) so we can save up for a two-bedroom apartment for our baby due in January. It’s not ideal, my mom and her husband are disabled and can’t clean often (I try to as much as I can) so the apartment has fleas and reeks of ammonia because the litter box for their six cats is rarely cleaned as well.
Also, I’m living out of my suitcase until I can get my things out of storage. My partner has been having to sleep in his car for four days out of the week to save money on gas because his job is a bit of a commute. We have been trying to move where his job is for months.
The issue is his mom is the only one who can help cosign for a place. He needs a co-signer due to her not allowing him to build any form of credit for years (she controlled a lot of his life with the justification she was paying for his college).
So, she’s taken the opportunity to be in complete control over choosing what place we get and keeps moving the goalpost for what her requirements are for co-signing.
It’s been months of jumping through hoops, only for new expectations to be added on. I know she has no obligation to help but she did agree to. Except now I’m under the impression that she was just stringing us along with no intention to help anyway. I think this because today she said she would only cosign if a place would agree to remove her as a co-signer after a year, this isn’t a real thing.
She won’t listen to how that isn’t a thing and has started calling my partner selfish and entitled for “expecting her to help”. So, all of that work to get her to be a co-signer was in a sense for nothing.
Here’s where the baby shower comes in. Two months ago she offered to plan a baby shower for me.
I wasn’t planning on having one since most of my family lives very far away and I wouldn’t have many people to invite anyway. But, since she kept gushing about how excited she was for her first grandchild to be born and I do need the help with buying things, so I agreed. I’ve had absolutely no say in any of the planning of it, I got to invite 3 people, two of whom are my mom and her husband and she’s invited all of her friends and whoever she wants.
I’ve started to realize she’s planning this for herself as a way to use me as a prop to show off to her friends she’s becoming a grandmother. She keeps saying how much she’s preparing for “her baby”, but I’m literally homeless. It makes me uncomfortable. Especially if I don’t have a real place to live by that time, I have nowhere to put any baby things I receive.
She’s even controlling what I wear to the shower so I don’t “embarrass” her in front of her friends. The shower is in a month and I don’t think I even want to go if I don’t even have a place to live. It just feels insulting to have to play pretend for a day so his mom gets pictures to post on social media.
Am I the jerk for considering not going?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Be careful OP. You’re a homeless mother to be living out of a suitcase in a flea-infested & dirty house… the father is living out of his car… both are absolutely unsafe living conditions for a baby. But grandma will just happen to have everything “her baby” will need at her home after her friends all throw her a beautiful baby shower.
If you were a DCF worker… where would you place the baby to live?” AbbyBirb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’ve heard stories of MILs throwing themselves a baby shower so they can keep all the things at their house and then getting mad at the mom for trying to take all the gifts home because it was her (MIL) friends who gave the gifts.
Please be careful she sounds toxic.” Concerened17
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here bro you’re an adult get your stuff together and move, you don’t need credit hop on cragislist and find a place to rent. Most of these listings you won’t even be on the lease anyway. It would be a little petty to not go to the baby shower but you got priorities so go find a place!” joker10319
If you're that hard up for money, go to your local social services entities and see what you're eligible for; rental assistance, food stamps, medicaid, etc. Get signed up immediately. You should be getting regular prenatal checkups as well.
As for MIL throwing herself a baby shower, I would say thank you, but you're fine for now and will be too busy getting a place ready for baby's arrival to attend. When she asks where it is, don't tell her. And by the way, you're exactly right about her ulterior motives about co signing. She never intended to, she was just stringing you along to continue to control her son.
Also, are you working? If not, why? And why is your husband working a job that doesn't pay enough for you both to have an apartment AND is hours away? Tell him to find another job so he doesn't have to sleep in his car. Some of the things you mention in your post aren't ringing true and this is one of them.
3. AITJ For Demanding Compensation From Neighbors Whose Puppy Damaged My Fruit Plants?
“I (30m) live on about a 2-acre plot of land. On this land, I have berry bushes (strawberries, blueberries, and black raspberries), peach trees and cherry trees, and an apple tree.
The strawberry and blueberry plants are right near my chicken run, as well as my peach tree is near it as well. All of these were put in the ground 3 to 7 years ago (my parents owned the property), and produce fruit.
My neighbors are a couple in their late 20s and early 30s with a kid and a new puppy they got a month or so ago.
Yesterday I heard my chickens squawking over something and I ignored it, because they do that, basically every time they lay an egg.
A couple of minutes later my dog started barking so I went downstairs to make sure no one was in danger.
I stuck my head out the door and my neighbor’s puppy was running along the edge of the chicken run (on the outside). I chased it out and told my neighbors, but it had damaged almost all of my blueberry plants, trampled some of my strawberry plants, and dug up the dirt around my peach tree.
The neighbors apologized, and said their kid must have left the gate open and the puppy got out, but no harm done.
I told them about my plants, and they shrugged it off, not seeming to realize that it was hard as heck to grow them in the climate we’re in and that it took several years.
I asked them for the cost of replacing my blueberry and strawberry bushes, and they laughed it off. This annoyed me, and I asked again to show I actually was serious and they still laughed it off. I told them if they didn’t give me payment I would bring them to court for the cost of my plants.
They got upset at this and said that I should put them in a fence and that I shouldn’t put them near chickens where dogs get excited.
I have had plants destroyed by other things, however one or two, not my whole group.
They still are refusing to pay, AITJ, and is this an unreasonable request?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their animal got out because they were being irresponsible, and damaged your property. That’s not “no harm, no foul”. You shouldn’t have to be worried about dogs getting excited around your plants, that’s not your dog. It’s theirs. They need to take responsibility.” fieleamcknight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: YOU do not need to install a fence to keep THEIR dog out.
It is their responsibility to keep their pet on their property, and if he breaks out and damages something, it is up to the owners to replace it. Take them to court. It’s a lesson they need to learn, and they should be grateful the only cost of this was monetary, next time their dog could get hit by a car or hurt somebody.” JJ-Anthrax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but keep in mind that you have to live next door to these people. I feel you, by the way. I have fruit trees and my neighbor sent the landscaping crew she had hired into my yard to cut down one of my pawpaw trees.” geaddaddy
2. AITJ For Giving My Family $300 Each Instead Of Gifts For Christmas?
“I’m 45F. Story involves me, my husband (46M), and our two teens (17F and 15M).
Let’s put it simply, I’m a horrible gift-giver. I’m well aware of it, having been told so my entire life. I don’t read people well, and I have a hard time remembering what people like and dislike, so I just wish they’d give me a list of specific things instead of vaguely expecting me to figure it out.
Well, because of all this, I decided that instead of gifts this year, I would just give all three of them the money I would’ve spent on gifts for them, around $300 each. In my mind this was the perfect plan, it took the guesswork out for me and ensured that they could all buy something they actually wanted.
Well, the reality wasn’t at all what I expected.
When everyone noticed it’s a little bare under the tree, they got confused. I handed everyone their envelopes and told them that it was their gift from me. They opened them and my daughter was the first to speak up, “this is all you did? You could’ve tried a little harder mom”.
My son agreed, and my husband asked why I did this. So I told them that year after year they tell me my gifts for them weren’t good, and usually end up getting sold back to the stores, so I figured that this was the best way for them to each get what they actually wanted. They got mad at me for saying so and accused me of being lazy, not loving them enough to remember what they like, etc.
So I reminded them again. I try my hardest every year and it’s never good enough, and I’m not dictating how any of them spend their money. If they wanna blow it all in a day, cool. If they wanna save it up, fine by me. I’m just so tired of being told I’m bad at giving gifts and I thought this was the best way to avoid it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dear God, your children sound awfully ungrateful and entitled. $300 from one person? That’s incredibly generous and that money can be used for them to get exactly what they want. Maybe remind your children there’s plenty of kids who don’t get anything for Christmas.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They clearly want b***d with their pound of flesh.
Christmas for them is clearly all about giving Mum a hard time. You buy gifts you get abused, you give cash instead you get abused. This is your response. Grab your drink, waltz into wherever they are sitting, and say, “I have been considering it. If I buy you presents I get abused because they are not good enough.
If I give you cash I get abused because I didn’t give you presents…With this in mind as Christmas for you is all about having a go at Mum, and quite frankly it upsets me and none of you seem to care about that……Next year I am taking the present cash and taking myself on holiday and then you can all complain about that instead…at least I will have had a lovely time to soften the blow of the earache and lack of appreciation.”” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I read this a couple of times to be sure I was getting it. The problem doesn’t seem to be with the gifts, exactly. The problem is that you’re their mother and you don’t seem to know anything about them. Of course that would upset them! And I’m not buying the bad memory schtick.
I have fibro fog ALL. THE. TIME. and can’t remember the names of normal, everyday items. I literally forgot the word for cat the other day and we have cats. Yet I still make the effort to know what my daughters are into. I may not know everything, but good lord! I’m sure being told your previous gifts aren’t good hurts you.
But they’ve spent YEARS telling you that they want you to try and understand them and instead of actually putting in the effort to understand your children, you just go with a cash gift because you can’t be bothered? I’d be upset too!
My dad sees my daughters like once a year and he puts in a better effort to know what they like.
My kids tell me stories all the time about things that I have no personal interest in, but I listen to them. They do so because they’re trying to share who they are with me. And it sounds like that’s what your kids are doing. They’re trying to connect with you, but you’re basically showing them that you don’t care.
Parenthood isn’t just about making sure they have what they need to survive. Spend time with them, get to know them. Encourage their individual joys and passions. And if you have trouble remembering, write it down for goodness sake!” Wisdomgoddess83
1. AITJ For Charging A Girl $20 For Falsely Accusing Me Of Taking Her Pictures At The Gym?
“I (35 M) was working out at the gym and I’m resting in between workouts and I want to play a mobile game.
This mobile game lets you switch between landscape and portrait but the only way to switch is to rotate it while the phone is upright. You can’t switch if your phone screen is facing the ceiling.
Anyways I am playing and this 20s-something girl comes up to me and is like hey you. I lock my screen and I’m like hey what’s up?
She immediately grabs my phone and tells me to give her my lock screen passcode.
I’m like no give me my phone. And she starts screeching about how I was taking creepy pictures of her and that I need to delete them.
I’m telling her that I was just playing a mobile game and she must have seen me trying to rotate my screen.
Sorry if it was pointed in her direction etc.
She gets the gym workers into this and tells them she wants me kicked out. The gym workers were great and we were really nice to both of us. They asked me if I could just give them the passcode and they could check my phone as a third party.
I ask the girl what is she gonna give me if she’s wrong? This is a pretty messed up allegation. She was like you get to keep working out here and I’ll maybe apologize. I tell her that’s not good enough. I ask her if she has any cash or Venmo or something. After some back and forth she pulls out a 20 and I’m like good okay if they unlock my phone and don’t see any photos of you, I get to keep this $20?
She agrees because she seems fairly sure of herself.
Well the guys end up unlocking my phone and see my mobile game is still on screen. Then they go to the photos and look through the photos from the day and don’t see any of her.
So I’m like cool and grab my phone and my money.
She starts going off about how I probably hid them or something. Now my partner who came over 2/3 into this whole ordeal says I could have just unlocked my phone for her and not embarrassed this girl. I said it was the principle of the matter. My partner says this girl is going to probably think twice about calling people out in the future and one of them may be the real deal. I told her that’s not my problem, she can’t just embarrass people in a public setting like this and expect to get away with it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the girl 100% SHOULD think twice before screeching out creepy allegations unless she is darn well sure. That’s not a negative from this experience. I’m glad the employees were nice, but the gym should have thrown something like a free month your way because going through your gallery is a violation that would have me cringing for days.
What if you had just taken some silly pics of yourself?! Being creeped on sucks and every woman knows the feeling, but you’re legit the victim here, no way you’re the jerk.” vague-vague
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! She basically tried to call you creepy in a semi-public place and was mistaken but didn’t even want to apologize.
Gym law. $20 is rightfully yours, enjoy!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, except your partner. She’s right. Women ARE often harassed in the gym. Like, a LOT. You won the argument. You proved yourself innocent. The money thing just seems like petty pride.” GottaKnowYourCKN
