People Are Curious For Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Significant Other While We Were Both Sick?
“My significant other has expressed to me that his feelings are hurt because I was only concerned with caring for our son while we were all sick and that I left him to suffer.
I barely had the energy to get out of bed but had no choice because our toddler can not take care of himself. Should I also have had to care for my SO or should he have been understanding of how I felt and that I was caring for our son?
Am I the jerk for not being able to care for my sick SO while I was also sick and having to care for our 2-year-old son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
By his own argument, if you were both sick, then he should have been taking care of you.
You’re his significant other, not his mom. It is not your job to ‘take care of him’, sick or not. Especially not, though, when you are also ill, and you have a child to worry about.
In fact, since we can safely assume that your SO is a grown man, it’s actually really concerning that he was worried about you not prioritizing him when there was a sick child in the home.
His priorities are really messed up, and he needs a rethink on what it means to be a responsible parent. He should have been HELPING YOU take care of your child since you were all ill so that all the work and exhaustion didn’t fall on only one of the two adults in the house.” Sorry_I_Guess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SO is a selfish jerk who desperately needs to grow up. Of course, your priority was your son’s well-being while you were sick; he’s literally two years old and cannot look after himself.
The fact your SO doesn’t appear to understand that and is whining about how you apparently ‘left him to suffer’ are huge red flags.
My advice is to be honest with yourself about how else he fails to clear the bar as a decent partner to you and parent to your son and decide whether either of you deserves it.” ImStealingTheTowels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO’s logic is insane – if you were both sick, why on earth is HE more worthy of being taken care of than you? The fact that he expected you to care for him while sick (and clearly he wasn’t willing to do the same for you) is ridiculous.
Of course you’re going to care for your kid! Please dump him. You deserve to be appreciated and cared for, not made to feel guilty for prioritizing your child.” PNWPainter02
20. AITJ For Laughing At My Mother-In-Law?
“For the bank holiday weekend, my wife and I went down to stay with her mum and her partner (both early 50s). They’re nice down-to-earth people and we all get on quite well.
Friday night we had dinner at their house.
Today we went out – local sightseeing, and back for late lunch and drinks.
Was going well. Nice lunch, nice wine with it – we all had quite a bit.
Then went to a nice pub for a few more drinks.
It was MIL’s partner’s round so he went to the bar.
We found a table next to the window, MIL sat down leaned against the window not realizing it was actually open, and fell backwards. Luckily only into a big window box/flower planter thing a few inches below the window.
She screamed with the initial shock and then fell into the flower box.
Unfortunately seeing this and then her on her back waving her arms and legs like a beetle (she obviously wasn’t hurt), I started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop.
My wife is quite small and struggled to help her mum (who is quite heavy) up. I couldn’t help because I’d totally lost it (not being horrible but it was funny). Her partner came back with drinks and helped her out (he was quite mad at me though).
She was embarrassed and wet and muddy and we ended up leaving soon after. Side-eye from my wife all the way back. As soon as we were alone I got the hissy fit from her about being disrespectful to her mother.
We’re now back at their house. We’re sat here in silence – I wasn’t the pub leaving the window open, or MIL drinking too much but I’m the bad guy for not leaping into action.
Honestly AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your over-the-top reaction was uncalled for and the fact that you didn’t go to help her or check on her makes you a major jerk. You owe your MIL an apology. Your wife was also justified to call you out on your behavior and you describing it as a ‘hissy fit’ just shows how disrespectful and immature you are.” Ok_Report_3201
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Things like that are hilarious, and I get it. I understand why you laughed. But! You didn’t help your SO help the poor woman. There’s a time and place for everything. Your MIL needed help. AFTER you help her, and ascertain that she’s not injured, THEN you excuse yourself and go laugh your butt off.
Now, go and apologize to the poor woman!” butterfly-garden
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get having a laughing fit in a completely inappropriate situation. But of course, you have to apologize for laughing. And for not being helpful and explaining that it wasn’t actually funny (even if it was to you, please don’t try to excuse yourself by saying it was funny.
I’m telling you to lie here) that you just have this awkward ‘laugh to release tension cause something anxiety-inducing happened’ and it is unstoppable. Kinda like when you are in middle school and the teacher is scolding you and you can’t help but laugh even though it will get you in more trouble and it isn’t funny at all.
Apologize profusely.” quemabocha
19. AITJ For Entrusting Some Teenagers With My Kid?
“I took my son to Six Flags, he’s 6 and just barely under the height limit to ride by himself on the roller coasters, so I have to ride with him.
He just likes the kiddie coasters, and there is one in particular that he wants to ride over and over and over again. I did as many rides as I could, but I was motion sick and ready to throw in the towel while he was still wanting to go many more times.
As I was explaining to him that it was time to go do something else, a couple of teens came up to me and offered to ride with my son if he wanted to go a few more times on the coaster.
They said they were roller coaster fans trying to get as many ‘credits’ as they could (and explained that every roller coaster = 1 credit), and they were too tall to ride the kiddie coaster without a child. I did not see the appeal of riding a kiddie coaster as a teenager, but I didn’t see the harm in it—what was going to happen in broad daylight, surrounded by people, with me watching from ten feet away?
So I said you know what, sure. And I stood by the exit and watched them, they took turns taking kiddo on the ride, and then just said thanks and left after they all had their turn.
I told my husband about it when we got home, thinking it was just kind of a funny weird story, but he was very very upset about it and thought it was a very dangerous thing.
I really truly do not see where any sort of scheme could have been pulled off, I was right there and watching the entire time. He said, ‘Stranger danger, that’s common sense.’ I said ok but we were walking around in a crowd of strangers all day.
I feel like I’m being painted as this irresponsible parent now, even though nothing bad happened and I genuinely can not think of how something bad could have happened, given the circumstances.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You made a judgment call based on your assessment of your ability to still be responsible for your kid.
You felt you could keep an eye on him at all times and respond if needed.
Your husband has every reason to be concerned about you allowing kids you don’t know to be in a position of responsibility for your young child.
Sounds like he is struggling to imagine the scenario in a way that allows for you to still be responsible for the kid because he wasn’t there.” ladyclubs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stranger danger needs to be clarified! This drives me nuts.
We shouldn’t teach kids to be afraid of everyone and considering most kidnap cases are done by adults known to the kid, it’s ridiculous. These teens did a good deed and if you were weird and nervous that would have discouraged them from being kind to a stranger in the future.
You did the right thing. Your husband needs to chill and if I were you I’d be insulted that he doesn’t trust you or your instincts.” Travelcat67
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, though I probably would have waited in line with the kid.
It’s a 55-second ride, including the lift hill. You can see the whole thing from the station. There is really not a lot that could have happened. Still, I would acknowledge your husband’s boundary and assure him it won’t happen again.
You probably made those teenagers’ day. There is a whole culture around coaster credit seeking, with kiddie rides sometimes being a white whale for enthusiasts (looking at you pteranodon flyers). I would never borrow a kid I wasn’t related to, but I understand the impulse.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as rides are gated at the entrance and exit, it’s not like someone could have swooped him without you seeing. Stranger danger, ya ya, even kids because sometimes kidnappers can employ a Stockholmed teen – I can see his point.
Like others have said most abductions or worse are committed by a family member or friend, not a complete stranger. It’s not like they took your kid through a fun house where you would lose sight of them. I think it was a nice thing for you, your son, and the teens.
Everyone did a nice and that makes me happy. I’m sorry your SO took a nice gesture from all parties and turned it into a dangerous thing. Gotta have some faith in humanity.” HamHockShortDock
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host My Sister Anymore?
“My (35f) sister (37f) was supposed to come to visit me for the first time this summer with her family.
I’m French and I have been living in Canada for the last 6 years. I go back to my country almost every year to visit them. I have always thought my sister and I had a great relationship, she was the first person I wanted to see, the most important person in my life.
We used to text and Facetime several times a week.
Last August, I arrived at my sister’s to spend 4 days with her and my nephews. 1 hour after I arrived she started complaining about my behavior during my last visit, she was not happy that I did not make her husband’s lunch one day.
I voiced my surprise that she kept her feelings toward this for a year. She apparently wanted to tell me in person. During the rest of my stay, she made me feel not welcome in her home and made excuses to come home very late.
I was hurt by this but stayed because I wanted to spend time with my nephews. On the 3rd night, I wanted to talk it out with her because I sensed it was deeper than the husband’s lunch.
She spent 2 1/2 hours listing everything that she did not like about me, my behavior, my life choices, and my personality.
I was sobbing for the most part and unable to answer, but she kept on going, unfazed. Her list was going back to when I was 5 and refused to play with her (I’ve always been a loner), to our teenage years and the fact she chose to go to school so far that she was only back on the weekends, meaning that she did not think we were sisters then.
Same when we went to the same university and saw each other almost every day, she stated that we were friends during that time, not sisters.
Later in life, she asked me to officiate her wedding ceremony and to be the godmother of one of my nephews.
I sense that she is very disappointed that I decided to stay in Canada and I believe that she started resenting me when she realized I was not coming back to France. She also mentioned that I was way too happy to talk about the promotion I had at work and to let her know I was no longer struggling financially.
She also said I should not call her that often and should wait for her to authorize me to call (by text). She basically went through every aspect of my life in a negative way.
After our conversation, she felt much better and stated we could finally start to have a real relationship as sisters.
One I thought we always had…
I felt as if our relationship was a lie. I spent the rest of my vacation being sad, but also angry that she did not talk to me sooner but chose to do it during my only vacation of the year.
When I saw her again on my last day, I told her I was really not happy about our conversation, and that even though some remarks made sense, some of them were just mean. I finished by letting her know that since she did not seem to like me, she was no longer invited to visit me.
She seemed very hurt and has not spoken to me since.
AITJ for canceling the invitation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister is jealous of you and your life. She expects you to wait on her husband just because she has to.
And seeing you financially successful in your career is too much for her to bear so she had to put you down to make herself feel better.
The whole bringing up grievance from where you were 5 is just her trying to justify her own petty little feelings.
I’m sorry your relationship with your nephews has to suffer but your sister is wrong and don’t let her back in til she sincerely apologizes.” _A-Q
Another User Comments:
“She sounds terribly bitter and jealous.
She doesn’t like that you’re happy.
She is upset she couldn’t baby-trap you into leaving your chosen country. She’s upset about things that happened when you were young children. She’s upset you’re now financially secure and doing well in your job.
She’s so terribly self-involved in the role of being the victim that she doesn’t want to listen to anything you have to say.
Her version of sisterhood appears to be her putting you beneath her and using you as an emotional dump.
Uninviting her is the minimum required in this situation so definitely NTJ. You’ll need to assess whether to keep a minimal relationship with her so that you can see your nephews, or cut her loose entirely.” PFyre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She went all the way back to what she didn’t like about you from age five all the way to now to let you know she’s upset about how well you’re doing financially. She doesn’t sound like she needs to be in your home.
Ever. It’s just going to fuel another emotional dump on you when she sees your home and experiences your new life.
If you forgive her, keep it low contact. Facetime, texts, and an occasional phone call when she allows. (insert eye roll here)
If you ever go visit her again, get a hotel room. That’ll solve her desire to have you as a servant.” Own-Blackberry2647
17. AITJ For Refusing To Split Rent Down The Middle Because I Make Less?
“We live in a city where you need to have roommates if you don’t make over 95k/year. Anyhow, my fiancé can fly off the handle pretty quickly.
We had a roommate (not the best, at all), but it’s all we had.
He made a mess of the kitchen every now and then and had smelly feet and would not Swiffer – stuff I can tolerate.
Anyhow, my fiancé flew off the handle one night because the roommate was wasted and talked about spiritual stuff and kept trying to talk.
My fiancé flipped out, told him to get out and that he could afford the place himself; and the roommate said to me, ‘I’m moving out. I’m sorry. I can’t live with your fiancé. I’ve lived with so many different people.
He’s terrible.’
Now he expects me to pay 50% of the rent. He makes 2x as much as I do, and I have JUST started working again after being laid off 1.5-2 months ago.
I have savings. He doesn’t.
The rent is $2800. I gave him $1000 out of my savings earlier in April for May’s rent and bills. He interpreted it as ‘Oh you didn’t specify it was for rent’ as he said he’d send it back to me and I said keep it, use it for rent bills, etc.
He bought a new compound bow, hundreds of dollars in oil paints and canvases, paid 2x his truck payment, etc.
Now with May coming up, he is saying I am a jerk for not giving him more money for rent and splitting it evenly?
Like an extra, what, 1400? For 2400 total?
I just started working 2 jobs 7 days a week over 50 hrs and still won’t see the same income he’s bringing in every month…
My argument: I’m not the reason the roommate left, you are, and you told the roommate you could afford it, why do I need to split it evenly?
I’ve posted ‘roommate wanted,’ sent them his phone number because he wanted to screen them, and he didn’t respond to them apparently. Also, I sent $1000 earlier, and because I didn’t specify he blew it on hobbies he wants, when I told him, ‘I’d love to do those too, but I’m focused on saving for a house, and to be financially stable to have those hobbies in my future.’
His argument: I didn’t specify what the $1000 is for, he’s screwed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you even had the good fortune of a roommate/witness who told you objectively how bad he was.
You’ve got this whole big paragraph of rationality, your argument as to why you’re right, but none of that is going to matter.
He doesn’t care, OP. He’s selfish and he lives beyond his means expecting you to bankroll it. He’s never going to agree with your argument because if he did, he’d have to stop using you as his personal ATM.
So, he could get quite nasty when he figures out you’ve shut off the money faucet.
Drop the dude already.” Subject_Cranberry_19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off, the situation with the $1000 you sent is totally his fault. Screw him for saying you didn’t specify.
Secondly, in a relationship, as opposed to just being flatmates, the decent thing is to pay as much proportionally. If he makes twice as much as you, he should pay 2/3’s of the bills (this is how progressive taxes are supposed to work as well – the person who makes more pays more, but still has a lot more money at the end of the day).
Third, he sounds like a total jerk. Maybe the roommate was right about your fiancé?” Keffpie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you never agreed to split 50/50, he’s the one that claimed he could cover the roommates’ spot. It’s not your fault that it was bluster.
Even if you were going to split between the two of you it should be based on income, not 50/50. Tell him he should sell his new toys if he can’t make rent.
Then consider whether you want to stay living with someone who ‘flies off the handle’ and puts you in a difficult financial situation.” WhyCommentQueasy
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Neighbor My Plans Of Moving Out?
“I (23F) live in a flat with my two flatmates FM1 (22F) and FM2 (21F). We have a 1-room flat next to us and our previous neighbor moved out so we asked our friend NB (23F) to move in.
We share a small room for shoes and due to our friendship, our doors are open most of the time. Our two flats are managed separately and we pay our rent separately. NB is using our laundry machine and some other stuff because she can not have one in her flat.
She is not paying anything for it, but this worked for us.
FM1 is moving out to another city. We knew about this for a year. So FM2 and I needed to find another flatmate or search for a new flat.
Our rent increased so out of curiosity we looked up smaller flats to see if we could find something cheaper. We looked for a day and found a flat we liked and got an appointment to view it the next day.
We really liked it and began to talk about actually moving out. Two days after seeing the flat we had a little get-together with some friends including NB. Somehow the topic came up and she asked us if we want to move out.
We said, yes probably, because at this point we didn’t know if we would get the flat or if we would find another one we would like.
NB now feels betrayed and lied to because we made this decision without considering her feelings and how she would like to handle her living situation once we move out.
She is disappointed because I didn’t come to her and tell her (I didn’t have the opportunity because all this happened in the span of 4 days) and/or because we didn’t invite her to move in with us or out into another flat.
She claims she moved in for us and that we’ve been handling the situation too defensively and therefore she left the conversation early.
The reason why I didn’t tell her about any plans was not that I didn’t consider her feelings, but because I knew she would try to convince me to stay and I wanted to make that decision regarding my living situation by myself.
We don’t want to move in with her because FM2 and NB are not that close and FM2 would be uncomfortable living with NB.
We already talked about this and she told us we are not validating her feelings and is now not talking to us.
In this discussion, I told her all of the above and also tried to tell her that I understand her feelings and wanted to explain my thoughts, but it didn’t go well.
AITJ for not telling my neighbor/kind-of-flatmate that I want to move out before I knew if it was happening?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You have a roommate dynamic even if the leases are separate. I totally get why they feel betrayed. You should have been more communicative with your friend.
I don’t believe you were truly worried about her convincing you to stay, more like you wanted to put off the difficult discussion that you would have to hold sooner or later.” Bluedisks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Circumstances change. NB had no idea you’d be moving out, but you had no idea that FM1 would be moving out.
All of you now need to adapt to the change. Your adaptation consists of finding a smaller apartment.
NB’s adaptation is to yell at you for not staying where you are forever (or at least ’til NB doesn’t care anymore).
None of you were ever guaranteed permanence.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She was a friend and you invited her to join you in a funky, not very private adjoining flat situation.
Presumably, because you didn’t want to share laundry and a shoe room with a stranger. Now you’re ditching her to do her laundry in the apartment of whatever Rando replaces you.
You aren’t obligated to live there forever but you definitely should have given her a 30-day heads-up that you were moving.
You can at least now help her find mutual friends who might want your side of the place.” capmanor1755
15. AITJ For Getting My Coworker In Trouble After I Didn't Drive Her To Work On My Day Off?
“I’ve been carpooling with ‘Beth’ to work every weekday for about 2 months with no problem (we take turns driving). I’d consider us ‘work friends’ (i.e. we take lunch breaks together sometimes but don’t hang out outside of work).
Last week I took the day off, and this is something that’s pretty public at work.
My job is set up in shifts, and schedules are posted to everyone via an app so we can swap/change days if necessary. This was also something communicated to Beth, but I can admit it was conversationally (i.e. I finally got tickets to go to Disneyland on Friday) and not directly (i.e. I can’t take you to work on Friday because I’m going to Disneyland).
I assumed she knew that we wouldn’t be carpooling because she took a day off three weeks back and although she didn’t say anything directly to me, I went to work by myself and she didn’t tell me anything extra.
The issue is that when I came back from my trip, my boss called me into her office and asked me about Beth and what happened the day I took off. Apparently, she didn’t come to work, and a no-call/no-show is pretty serious at work and can lead to termination.
Beth blamed me and said that I bailed on her and she wasn’t able to get a ride to work.
I explained that we carpool, yes, but I took an official day off. Even if I didn’t explicitly tell Beth, she sees the schedule weekly.
Plus, Beth did know that I had the day off because we talked about my plans for the trip just the day before I left.
Beth is getting in trouble at work now, and she’s been telling everyone that I’m the jerk for getting her in trouble.
I feel bad because technically I didn’t directly say ‘I cannot take you to work’, but I also feel like it was obvious (and she herself did the same thing to me before and I got to work fine). I’m not sure if I should apologize or not though because it’s causing some drama amongst my coworkers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The moment she realized you weren’t coming; she could have found another immediate solution to getting to work. That is HER problem, not yours.
Assuming she forgot, at some point she had to realize that you were not there at your normal scheduled time.
She could have called or texted you, but she didn’t which confirms that she knew you weren’t going to be there.
For argument’s sake, let’s say she did call or text you but it didn’t go through because Disney’s wifi & cell towers suck as thousands of people are on it at once.
That is still a ‘no’ answer from you because no answer is an answer. She still had time to at least call in, and say she was going to be late because she was trying to find a ride. She did none of that.
She didn’t call in at all which puts her in the blame, not you.
I’m not sure I understand why your Manager would even entertain talking to you about it. There were many options for your co-worker to find ways to get to work and all of them start with calling in and explaining her situation.
Her lack of communication with your manager has nothing to do with you and I don’t feel you need to explain yourself. It was still up to her to find a way into work or at least call out. She didn’t call at all!” Theunpolitical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she somehow missed the memo that you wouldn’t be driving that day, she has a car, she has a phone, and she is responsible for calling work, letting them know she’d be late, and getting herself there.
Even if she had no idea you were going to be gone she shouldn’t have been more than a half hour late – you are not responsible for her inability to communicate with her job.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Beth is an adult and should not depend on you as her sole way of getting to work. She is not your responsibility.
You told her you were taking the day off and she should have made other arrangements.
Maybe next time tell her a little more in advance and remind her several more times.
Or better yet since she is currently trying to throw you under the bus for her getting in trouble for her no-show stop offering to carpool and make her find her own way to work from here on out.” SuperHuckleberry125
14. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Bad Parenting?
“My sister and I are twins. We are both moms to similarly aged children. My nieces are 9 and 6 and my daughter and sons are 8, 7, and 4. My sister isn’t a very tuned-in parent. She never really wanted kids but her husband did.
Then he was a more hands-off dad and she was a hands-off mom. It has led to the kids really not behaving well and it doesn’t matter where they are. My sister always just lets the girls do whatever. Her husband is rarely present for anything.
He works a lot. She stays home. It’s on both of them. But she is literally at home and is present when they behave poorly and will refuse to intervene.
Some examples of this behavior at home/with family: Breaking toys belonging to other kids, spitting food around the place, spitting in other people’s food, cursing at pretty much everyone, disrespecting the rules, kicking stuff around, telling family members we are not their parents so they don’t have to listen to us, screaming at the younger kids, hiding stuff from people and laughing when asked for it back.
The oldest also broke a vase my mom has that was in the family for 3 generations and that my mom treasured. It wasn’t even out for them to find. My niece actually went snooping, found it, and tossed it aside like it was nothing.
Examples at school: being mean to/bullying other kids, disrespecting their teachers, and not listening to their teachers. The oldest niece has been given a few in-school suspensions for her behavior. She has such a bad reputation that no parent wants her at their kids’ birthday parties.
She also isn’t trusted at lunch and has to be monitored. My youngest niece has been in big trouble as well and my sister has been called in to speak to not just the teacher, but the principal a number of times.
None of this my sister takes seriously. She rolls her eyes as if it’s a bother to hear how her kids are acting. A number of family members have tried to address the issue with her and she tells them they have no idea what they’re talking about.
Then she asked me to take the girls after school for her for a while so she can ‘handle some business’. She said it would be a few weeks tops. I told her there was no way I was taking the girls.
She tried to convince me being her twin means I’m equally responsible for them and this is when I had my say. I told her she needs to do better as a mom, that her kids need her and she is failing them.
I told her she can complain all she wants about others bringing up their behavior but deep down she knows what they are doing is not acceptable and she cannot keep ignoring it. I told her that her kids need better and she should be ashamed of herself for letting it get this bad.
I also brought up how CPS has been called on her and her husband and if she needs extra help, she should have accepted it from them. But this cannot carry on. She told me I had no right to judge her and have no idea what she was doing with her girls.
Maybe she’s right so I want to ask AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a really sad situation, and it seems obvious the kids are acting out because they need attention from their parents. Maybe the only attention they get is negative attention… which could be better than nothing for kids that are neglected. I wish I knew the advice to offer.
On one hand, it sounds awful to have those kids over for several weeks and very disruptive to your family. On the other hand, it could be an opportunity to learn more about your sister’s kids and see if there are specific areas that could be targeted and worked on.
Though… that could end up failing if your sister and BIL are too apathetic to care and/or follow through. I’m really sorry about the situation and feel bad for those kids.” DaxxyDreams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not like your comment came out of nowhere as a sudden criticism.
You were explaining your refusal to take the girls after school for a few weeks. You may have been too harsh. Hard to know without knowing the exact wording and tone. But it also sounds like you’re advocating for your nieces and not just criticizing their behavior, and that’s good.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s time to step in for your nieces. They’re being neglected and it’s costing them significantly. If you’re not willing to fully step in (which would be completely reasonable) then contact child services. These kids are, at the very least, emotionally and psychologically neglected. That can be addressed and healed but the longer it continues, the harder it will be for them to bounce back.
Your sister and her husband are irresponsible and neglectful. You don’t owe them anything. But these kids are innocent victims who will pay the price for getting crappy parents, potentially for the rest of their lives if nobody truly steps in for them.
Consider what you’re willing to do to protect them because their parents aren’t and every person deserves to have a responsible adult look out for them.” bellesavage
13. AITJ For Not Being Able To Help My Significant Other Pay Her Debt?
“My significant other moved away to attend college. I’ve been sending funds to help with the bills. I’m not rich, but I’ve been helping with everything I can. At the beginning of the month, she asked me if I could help her buy a lab coat, shoes, and a medical kit, as she would need them in class.
I said that at that specific moment, I had already sent everything I had and would only receive it again at the end of the month. So she asked if she could borrow her friend Tamires’ credit card, and the invoice would not come until next month.
I said yes.
During this month, I had a series of unforeseen events happen: She worked as a nanny in her spare time and ended up getting head lice from the child she cared for, and I had to send her some funds to get her hair done.
She got sick, and I needed to buy medicine. One of my clients said that she is going to travel, so she won’t need my services this month. She ran out of money for food, and I needed to send more.
She resigned from her job as a nanny because her boss asked her to do more than they had agreed (cook food and clean the house).
Today I showed our budget spreadsheet and pointed out that there is a deficit, but I promised to run after some extra service so that we don’t delay her friend’s invoice.
I asked her to send my contact to Tamires so I could reassure her by saying that if the invoice is late, I will pay the interest, and I am already arranging everything.
Tamires got very irritated and said that this debt is not mine and that she doesn’t care if she will receive interest, she just wants my SO to pay it on the right day.
Unlike me, I am very stoic and always keep calm and try to solve things rationally. My SO always lets herself be carried away by what people think and say about her, and that’s why she ended up getting mad at me, saying that because of me, Tamires no longer trusts her.
Am I a jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you really need to think about this relationship.
Your SO is taking more money than you have, and she quit her job over being asked to do a bit of cooking and cleaning so now she has even less money.
When you described the reason you have less money this month it was all your SO’s ’emergencies’ not yours. She needs to take responsibility for her own life and you shouldn’t be paying her way this much.” Faethe-Banana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her friend has a problem with her after you promised to pay plus interest… the friend has a problem with HER. That’s your red flag. Her friend knows something that you don’t. Most likely your SO has been using your money not for what she has said it was for.
$40 for a lice treatment… yea no, unless she was purchasing the treatment and doing it at home which it doesn’t sound like. Your SO probably turned up in new clothes and her friend is thinking no wonder she isn’t being paid.
Your SO is using you. ‘Sorry I don’t have the money, I’m behind in bills. You will have to work it out’. Rinse and repeat. Watch your SO’s attitude change. You are her ATM.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your SO seems to be too comfortable using other people’s resources… there are plenty of programs and scholarships for people in med school… your SO is clearly not above that.
Save your money dude, as a student in med school – save your money.
There are so many resources I’m shocked she would be willing to put her friend out… and THAT’S why her friend is mad at her. She likely knows there is an alternative but your SO is willing to spare money and kindness that doesn’t belong to her before using student resources.
If your SO doesn’t wanna be judged then she should take responsibility for herself rather than looking juvenile like she does right now.” all_kinds_of_no_4me
12. AITJ For Refusing To House My Gay Teenage Brother?
“I (26 female) live in a two-story house with my husband Lu (27 male) and our triplets.
We also have two dogs. Lu and my brother Gabe (16 male) do not get along at all. They hate each other.
Our parents are extremely homophobic and when Gabe came out as gay they kicked him out with nothing. Gabe asked if he could stay with us but Lu immediately said no. And I get why.
I told Gabe no and we didn’t want him living with us. He said we’re cruel and that he just got kicked out for just being gay. Lu chimed in and said while his being gay was the main reason it wasn’t the only reason why they kicked him out.
Gabe is an extremely misbehaved child. He steals, he fights, he smokes wherever he wants (broke our boundaries many times), he breaks things, straight up doesn’t listen, and he is a filthy child. He stayed with us for a week before and it was horrible.
He dropped out of school and refuses to work. Literally during this conversation, Lu asked if he would get a job and he laughed as if Lu was joking about that. Gabe also is rude to our children. Lu said that maybe if his behavior gets better then we would let him move in with us but not now.
Our other family members also refuse to house Gabe so currently Gabe is staying in a hotel with the money I and Lu gave him. He is blasting us on social media calling us homophobes. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Based on your reasons, I totally get it, but you need to be prepared to have people believe your brother’s version of events.
Still, don’t let him move in unless he gets his act together. If you can’t trust him not to start fights, steal or trash your home, you can’t trust him in your home.
That being said, your little brother is now 16 and homeless. I won’t blame his bad attitude on his upbringing, although your parents sound pretty awful, he does need somewhere safe to stay. Does he have friends to crash with or somewhere else he’ll stay after the hotel money runs out?
If not, you should probably consider calling CPS or the local equivalent.
NTJ.” SolitaryTeaParty
Another User Comments:
“Assuming you and your husband aren’t homophobic, NTJ.
This is tough. Gabe is obviously extremely vulnerable right now and his acting out probably has a lot to do with his own inner turmoil of being gay with homophobic parents.
If he doesn’t get support and some help, he’s going to keep going down a road that will become gradually harder to turn around.
That being said, you have an obligation to your family. Being gay doesn’t excuse his toxic behavior.
You can be gay and a jerk and not wanting this kind of influence around your kids doesn’t make you homophobic in and of itself. He’s old enough to be taught the difference.
It’s a lose-lose situation. He definitely needs a healthier environment, support, and to be around people who make him feel OK being himself.
But he also has to participate in that environment and put the work in himself. The magical Hallmark scenario of learning the meaning of Christmas over a winter break simply doesn’t exist. It’s going to be a process. I hope you’re part of that process in some way, but it’s understandable why you chose to disallow him in your home.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I totally understand your reasons for not being able to support Gabe and you do have to put your family’s wellbeing first, but I do feel incredibly sorry for him.
It’s quite possible to me that his behavior is a product of being gay while living in a homophobic environment.
I’m not saying that makes it OK or that you should accommodate him as a result, just that I have some compassion for him.
I’m not sure how he’s ever going to have the opportunity to change without a supportive environment.
Again, not saying you should accommodate him, just that it’s a very sad situation.
There are services that help queer kids in these situations precisely for these reasons. Maybe someone could help him access those because being around people who have had similar experiences and have expertise in these areas might also help him deal with everything emotionally.” msfinch87
11. AITJ For Giving My Baby A Bath In The Sink?
“I (18f) have a 5-week-old daughter. I still live with my parents, my older sister, Jo, (25f), and my younger two sisters (Alisha 17f, Rowan 2f).
My 2-year-old sister is a terror. Anything she can break at the moment, she will. My parents are working really hard at teaching her that’s wrong, but they’ve also expressed to me and my sisters that it’s our responsibility to keep stuff we can’t have/don’t want to be broken away from her and out of her reach, our things are our responsibility.
Something I’ve been fairly vigilant about keeping away from Rowan was the infant bath. Rowan liked to use it as a ‘jumper’, but couldn’t figure out why it was wrong. I stored it in my wardrobe when it wasn’t in use, except for when it was drying post-bath time.
Yesterday, Rowan managed to get at it and managed to tear the sticking between the mesh and the fabric. It was cheap enough but due to the fact my car decided to play dead a week earlier and cost me an arm and a leg, I haven’t been able to buy a new one for another two weeks.
My parents won’t replace it because it was something that was my responsibility. They have replaced things worth a lot of money that she’s broken, but are putting their foot down with this.
My baby had a blowout today, in the hair kinda job, she obviously needed a bath, and I remember my parents bathing Rowan, also covered in poop, in the kitchen sink when she was a newborn.
There are pictures of me and newborn Alisha in the sink together. So it’s clearly something they were alright with at some point.
I was bathing her when Jo came in and started giving out that it was disgusting and unhygienic to bathe baby in the sink, but I pointed out that our parents did it with us, and she said it’s different because our parents were raising their first kid in different times and were stuck in their ways by the last. I said I didn’t feel comfortable putting her in the bath without a seat and I was especially uncomfortable with taking her into the shower with me.
My mom got involved and my sister said her point, and mom said my sister’s opinion should matter here, my dad thinks I wasn’t in the wrong, and asked did they expect me to take the baby into the garden and give her a blast with the hose or something.
It doesn’t matter much, but Alisha also agrees with me here, because again, baby needs a bath.
Jo is still harping on and my mom is defending her. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Jo doesn’t have kids (and I highly doubt she helped with ANY of the babies based on her reaction) so she wouldn’t know, and maybe your mom is siding with her cause she got a lot of flack from her own mom for bathing babies in the sink.
Still, if they care so much they can go out and buy you a new baby bath. Otherwise, just shut up and let the parent do the parent. Also, I don’t know a single person with kids who haven’t bathed their freshly squeezed-out baby in the sink… at least until the kid is about one and big enough for the tub.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as you cleaned the sink before & after the bath no problem. Your parents however are the jerks, your baby sister broke your baby’s (their grand baby’s ) Bath tub and the response is well you shouldn’t have left it to dry.
It’s the fault of your parents that you don’t have a bathtub for your baby so if your mom has a problem with it then she needs to go buy a new bathtub.” blewangel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
As a new mother, you were concerned about your baby’s safety first and foremost. A sink can be disinfected after cleaning the baby, but if something happened to your baby bathing them without the baby bath (it only takes looking away for a second for something to happen), or you dropped them showering together (babies are like so slippery) you will never forgive yourself.” LokiNorthman
10. AITJ For Protecting My Sister From The Dog And Not My Partner?
“I (27m) have a partner (28f) and a younger sister (15f). Well, my sister asked last weekend if she and I could go to the park and then crash at my place for the weekend since my mom will be out of town all week and she doesn’t want to be alone that long.
Mom is a truck driver and leaves for long periods of time. My sister has always hated being alone so oftentimes she’ll come to my house and I don’t mind. So we went yesterday.
I asked my sister if it was cool if my partner came along since this will be her second time meeting her and the last time was a complete mess.
She says yeah and my partner tags along. We get to the park and everything is great my sister is on the swings on her phone and I’m talking to my partner on the sidewalk. Then out of nowhere, my sister comes running towards me screaming at the top of her lungs ‘OP it’s a dog it’s chasing me.’ For reference, this wasn’t just any regular dog.
It was huge and looked like it was on steroids. The park is near a dog park like within walking distance.
The swings are a nice distance from where I’m standing with my partner. My sister runs into my arms and I see this behemoth dog from the pits of the underworld a couple of feet away from her.
My partner sees him too, we make eye contact before I throw my sister over my shoulder then I yell ‘Babe run’ and book it. I’m running to the car and my partner is not too far behind me screaming.
I’m 6”7 I like to say I have a nice build, my partner is 5”11 does track for fun, and my sister is barely 5”3 total couch potato.
When we make it into the car my sister is in tears, all shaken up, and out of breath.
She has a bad history with dogs. As I’m trying to get her to calm down my partner goes ‘I don’t see what she’s so worked up about at least she has someone protecting her.’ I just look at her and go back to trying to calm my sister down.
After like 30 minutes I got her to calm down. We got home I made dinner and as we were eating I saw my sister playing with her food, I told her if she wanted she could just lay down for a while.
When my sister left my partner told me I need to stop babying my sister.
Then she went on a rant on how my sister was old enough to protect herself and how trashy it was of me to just leave her behind.
I tried to explain that it wasn’t on purpose to make her feel like that and the only reason I grabbed my sister is because the dog was chasing her. She wasn’t hearing it and got more upset that she left the dinner table and went to bed. She has been acting funny today as well and just not herself.
AITJ I feel really bad for making her feel like that and I just need some unbiased opinions. I feel sorry but I don’t feel like I was wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I probably would have handled the situation the same given the same circumstances.
That being said, I think this bears expanding upon…
‘since this will be her second time meeting her and the last time was a complete mess.’
To me, this suggests that your partner may have issues with your relationship with your sister and could even resent you for it.
Picking up your sister who couldn’t run as fast as your partner was probably seen as yet another slight against your partner.
If I’m right, this is something you’re going to have to get to the bottom of and get sorted out.
Otherwise, you may have to choose between the two of them.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You just showed your partner that in a dangerous situation, you will choose your sister instead of her, even if she’s so scared she’s screaming.
You even ran ahead of her instead of between her and the threat, which I’m sure in the heat of the moment felt like you left her behind. Sure there were valid reasons for your choice but it doesn’t change that cold hard fact.
I would be upset too.
From her POV this was probably a preview of her life if she stays with you and she’s deciding if she is OK with not being your first priority. That doesn’t make her selfish, that makes her someone who can logically think through what they want in a life partner.
Everybody wants to know their partner has their back and right now, it looks to her like you most definitely don’t. Hopefully, she can move past that feeling and bond with your sister more, to the point where she would make the same choice you did.
Maybe it will occur to her that you will be a great dad for any kids you may have. There are pros and cons for her to consider here.
Nobody here is a jerk. There are just a lot of emotions to get through following something like that.
You kind of got stuck in a no-win situation but at least everyone is safe. I wish you the best OP.” tiredvolcano
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unfortunately, some girls have really unhealthy jealousy over sisters. She sounds insecure and as a result competitive for your affection.
She’s going to keep doing this and put you in uncomfortable situations where she wants you to ‘pick her’ over your sister. I would hope you could communicate with her and get to the bottom of it all, but she is already a woman who can’t see why protecting the only child in the vicinity should have been BOTH of your responses, not just hers.” Andromedache
9. AITJ For Buying An Expensive Car?
“My partner (24F) and I (31M) have been together for almost a year. My partner currently lives in an apartment that she rents with her friend. I live by myself in my house. I’m a software engineer and my partner works as an accountant for a local business.
My partner has been struggling to make rent and pay all her bills for the last couple of months due to the rising cost of living. I’m doing pretty good at my job and am in a pretty comfortable position financially.
I have told my partner multiple times that if she ever needs help moneywise she can always ask me but up until now she has always refused any help of mine so I respect that choice of hers and don’t ask her about it anymore.
A few months back, I purchased a new car and didn’t tell anyone about it, even my partner. My new car finally came in a few days ago and I went to pick up my partner in it to show it to her.
I thought my partner would be happy for me and congratulate me, but she seemed annoyed and almost angry. She told me that I am insensitive for buying my new expensive car knowing that she is struggling financially and that I’m rubbing it in her face.
I told her that was not my intention and I genuinely just wanted to show her something I’m really proud of myself. She just responded that I am a jerk for throwing it in her face knowing her situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: you’ve only been together a year, it sounds like she feels you’re partly responsible for her living situation. It’s not about sensitivity, it’s about even if I said no to accepting your help you were supposed to help me anyway.
Enjoy your new car and pay attention to the incoming new issues, this is not over. Just so you understand you don’t owe her that, what would she do if you were not in the picture? You shouldn’t co-mingle/loan funds until both are sure you have a solid foundation and future together.
More people break up over finances and you usually don’t get it back or you wind up in small claims court. So, if you do lend her funds get a written agreement and time when you will receive your funds back.
This goes for both genders.” Early_Swan_5077
Another User Comments:
“Very gentle ‘everyone sucks here.’
I’m thinking you should have just casually mentioned getting a new car in conversation before coming by in it like, ‘Ta-Da! Surprise!’
But it doesn’t really rise to the jerk level.
It’s a little insensitive. As far as asking for financial help from you, I too would be reluctant to take money from someone I’d only been seeing for less than a year. Count that as a point in her favor.
She’s not asking you to fix her situation but just to be a little more sensitive to it. To say that you shouldn’t have bought it is a different matter. That sucks and is NOT a reasonable ask.” Subject_Cranberry_19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The woman is angry that OP bought a car with his own money.
That to me is not a healthy reaction. While someone might be a wee bit envious of someone else’s better finances – or really anything at all – an adult doesn’t act on that emotion by telling a person that they shouldn’t have bought something.
This is something a child would do. Part of becoming an adult is realizing that one doesn’t have to say every single thought that pops into one’s brain. An adult would say – what a great car – let’s go for a drive up the coast this weekend.
Also, OP and his partner are in completely different stages of life. OP is 31 and presumably has been working in a career for a good amount of time so is several rungs up and makes a higher salary I would hope than when he was 24 and starting out.
Hopefully, his partner is working on her career and in 7 years of working will be in a financial position commensurate with being in the workforce for a decade.” Jujulabee
8. AITJ For Wanting To Try Eating Somewhere Else?
“I (32m) have been living in Korea for around a year now. I have been very lucky to do a lot of traveling and my favorite places to visit here are the seaside cities and towns. In particular, there is one city about 5 hours from where I live that I love visiting.
But I don’t get to visit often. I love seafood and have been desperate to visit the seafood markets and actually dine there.
Within our friendship group, we have a few picky eaters. It usually isn’t a huge problem to find dinner somewhere but it can take a lot of deliberating to decide on something.
One of my friends hates a lot of kinds of food, particularly, seafood. So we often have to steer clear of eating any seafood because she hates it so much.
Because we hang out together so often, we tend to eat at the same restaurants because her eating range is quite small.
A group of 4 of us went to a seaside town last weekend and 3 of us were desperate to go eat the famous seafood there. (Something we have avoided on our last 2 trips there together.) The city is renowned for amazing quality seafood and its wide varieties.
Something we haven’t been able to usually do because of our friend that dislikes seafood. But this may be the last time we can try to experience this specific famous market since the 3 of us are leaving Korea next month.
So, it’s sort of a bucket list wish, if you will.
When we mentioned prior to the trip that we really wanted to have seafood for dinner one night, my friend got really upset and said that we were excluding her.
I and my other friends have consistently compromised on where to eat since we usually have to cater to her. But just this once, we thought she might be okay with us having seafood and her ordering something different. But she was in a terrible mood for the rest of the trip and it put a bit of a damper on the whole thing.
I get it’s not ideal having to eat around something you’re not a fan of, but knowing we have often sacrificed eating things we want to eat, or having to eat individually somewhere else and meet up later because of her needs, we assumed she would take that into consideration.
Honestly, it feels very childlike to me.
I got a little agitated and said there are plenty of options for her to try and that we usually make sacrifices for her when it comes to eating. And if it was such a big deal to eat somewhere different – like what we have had to do in the past.
We assumed that because the majority of us wanted to eat something we had been eager to try, just this one time, she could******* up.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds as if the group has been extremely accommodating, to the extent of it placing a limitation on fully experiencing the culture, but when you asked for some flexibility she was incredibly ungracious and spoiled the trip.
She sounds like a nightmare travel companion and tbh I’d be reconsidering any future excursions with her.” MoogOfTheWisp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As somebody who HATES seafood, I would have gone with you to eat there because that’s what friends do!
It would have been unreasonable for you to ask her to go to a seafood restaurant for every meal on the trip, but one meal at a highly recommended restaurant? That’s reasonable. She could’ve found something without seafood on the menu, asked you to join her at a different restaurant after the seafood meal, she could’ve dined alone somewhere, or could’ve gotten takeout and dined at your hotel/living accommodation.
You didn’t force her to eat seafood nor scold her for her preferences or exclude her. She’s being unreasonable and frankly, showing herself to be a bad friend.” Hifiisgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re in Korea, seafood is in everything from the kimchi to the soup broth.
It’s an unreasonable assumption that the peer group will avoid seafood at all times. The only way I would change my vote was if she’s allergic to seafood. Then, just she’s anaphylactic shock waiting to happen and then I think she’s nuts to be in Korea.” Meremadesings
7. AITJ For Joking Around With A Customer?
“I (24f) work a side job during the weekend to be able to finance my college curriculum.
I’m a cashier in a tiny shop in a very touristy place in my city. The shop isn’t a big hit and is very low on budget, so we are not able to offer a contactless payment option yet. It’s written in caps letters at two different locations, very visibly: ‘NO CONTACTLESS PAYMENT’.
Yet all day long, people, when reading this, ask: ‘Do you have contactless payment?’ I’m sure they read the sign because when they don’t, they just try it continuously until I clarify the situation.
Today, for the 50th time, a client asked me very seriously ‘So you don’t have a contactless payment?’ (It was a young woman in her 20s with some of her friends if it matters.) I laughed and answered, ‘Yes, that’s why we wrote it there’.
I don’t think my tone was mean but the person seemed really upset.
So AITJ?
For clarification, I am autistic so I often make social mishaps, which is part of the reason I’m asking. Also, I’m really tired after working endless hours without any days off, so it might alter my objectivity.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
Working in customer service I totally get where you’re coming from and how annoying that can be. However, they don’t hear this being asked 50+ times a day like you do so to them it’s a simple, normal question.
Contactless payment is super common at this point so people often don’t bring their cards with them making this a common question. As annoying as it is I would try to remain professional as much as possible, customers often don’t like jokes/sarcasm in response to their questions.
I don’t think this was a terrible response or mean though so don’t beat yourself up over it!” gymwolf01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, see I would have taken your comment as a joke, laughed, and probably tried to get a dig in at you (for fun) but that’s because most people have the ability to banter back.
She didn’t, which shows her lack of social interactions, and she took it badly because she wasn’t switched on enough to come back at you. Mate, I would have said the same thing!” RGR_SC4306
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
But you weren’t a very big one. We all get annoyed at times and don’t always act our best.
It makes sense that you get tired of getting asked this question every day by customers. However, it’s not this particular customer’s fault that you get asked every day.
Did you snap at the first customer who asked you? The tenth? No, just this one.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it, though. It’s in the past, and just try to stay kind in the future. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you have a rough day, though.” ThePolemicist
6. AITJ For Eating The Potato Salad Without Mayo?
“I (24f) moved out of home for school at 18 and have been living abroad on my own ever since, cooking my own food. I don’t believe I am a picky eater, but I do avoid certain foods (most meat, mayo, vinegar).
If I am invited somewhere and I don’t like the food or some of the ingredients I will smile and eat anyways, but I avoid those foods if I can choose. My mother knows about it, so when she cooks, she usually will set aside a small portion for me before adding mayo or vinegar.
One of the side dishes of yesterday’s meal was a potato salad typical of my region. Basically potato puree with small pieces of veggies and seafood mixed in mayo. Mayo is a key element of the recipe, which is why I never order that dish, but my mother usually sets aside a portion before adding the mayo.
Usually, she will set aside a big portion so that other people feel welcome to eat the alternative, no mayo version if they want (dinners here are always potluck style), but this time she forgot and I arrived at the kitchen on time to set aside a small part that had no mayo yet, not more than three or four spoons.
So when we served dinner, I just took the plate for myself. We have eaten with everyone invited yesterday countless times and I can’t remember any time any of them ate the no-mayo version. I ate the same main as everyone else.
One of the family friends noticed my plate was different. She asked me if I didn’t think the potato salad was great. I agreed. Then why did my plate look different, and why hadn’t I been served the same dish as the others?
I told her mine had no mayo. Did I have any intolerance? No ma’am, I just don’t like mayo. But potato salad without mayo is just potato puree! Maybe, ma’am, I enjoy potato puree.
At this time she started insisting I try the real recipe and see how good it is.
I told her I grew up with it, I knew it was good and I was happy everyone enjoyed it, I just preferred my version. I admit I was a bit short, I didn’t see my meal choice warranted so much attention.
My family hates conflict and was trying to steer the conversation somewhere else, but this person went on a rant about how young people are entitled and unappreciative of their traditions. I looked her dead in the eye and said I did not think I was the entitled one here since I had not gone to her own home to tell her how to eat her own food.
Complete silence.
She was visibly annoyed but let my mother change the topic. I believe I was in my right to tell her she was out of line, but my poor grandpa looked dismayed at the tension, and it probably would have been easier if I had taken a small portion with mayo and politely agreed. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So much NTJ. You did great. You established reasonable boundaries and only were as firm as you needed to be to let agro-auntie know you didn’t need her commentary on what you eat. Congratulations on putting that overstepping old person in their place.
This idea of no conflict is a tool of social control the older people in your family use to keep everyone in line since they are the ones that are determining what is acceptable, and if you don’t like it, well that means you are the problem for having ideas and starting conflict.
That won’t work on you anymore now. You changed that story by letting Auntie know you are an adult, you are your own person, and you have made the decision that works for you. Thank you for your concern, but no. Imagine being such a judgmental person that you say that young people are entitled to want one scoop less of mayo in the food they eat than someone else.
This hurts her not at all, but she wanted to… put you in your place? Complain about your whole generation too? She sounds sad and small.
You did great. Everyone knew it too. But they didn’t know how to respond when you didn’t just go along with agro-auntie so they all got silent.
Keep it up! If you were my daughter I would be so proud of you.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was the person who cooked the food who was annoyed that you wanted an altered version, that gets more complicated (though when the alteration is as simple as this, just removing a serving before a hated ingredient is added, that really shouldn’t be a source of drama even then).
But like you said, she came into your home and tried to demand you eat something you don’t like. Tradition is a lousy reason to force people into things they hate, especially when the solution is so painfully easy.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did fine. Basically, the other woman was demanding that you eat something you didn’t like and then compliment her for it – how dare you not stroke her ego! This is typical of food pushers.
Yes, you were right to tell her she was out of line. The rudeness began when she began to interrogate you over what was on your plate (especially when she wouldn’t drop it when you made it clear you wanted to).
Traditions are supposed to be fun, not a ball and chain people are shackled to for their entire lives. If someone doesn’t like a tradition, they should be free to discard it, especially something as inconsequential as potato salad.” bamf1701
5. AITJ For Suggesting Enrolling My Sister-In-Law In A Regular School?
“My SIL is 14 and has been homeschooled since she was 9. She’s a super sweet and polite girl but she is extremely socially awkward. There is nothing wrong with being homeschooled but MIL does not have her in any extracurricular activities and she very rarely takes her out of the house.
The poor girl has zero friends and her life is very lonely, living with MIL, FIL, and 9 cats.
I have a 1 year old and now that I feel he is old enough we have decided to put him in daycare and when we told MIL this she was extremely judgemental about it.
She went on to question how I’m comfortable leaving him in the care of a stranger and how he is going to get sick all the time. She is constantly making remarks regarding my parenting decisions and so I replied ‘I have noticed how SIL is not getting much time out of the house, have you considered putting her back in regular school so she can become more properly socialized?’ She asks why I’m concerned with what she is doing with her child and I questioned the same thing.
Then apparently she tells my husband how I crossed the line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d be pretty concerned for your SIL. It’s one thing when kids homeschool but then do a lot of activities with other kids like sports or theater.
Your SIL sounds dangerously isolated. Also, your MIL being judgmental about daycare suggests that she may have generally unhealthy ideas about child-rearing.
Maybe instead of saying ‘properly socialized’ you could have addressed it from the mental health angle. Social relationships are vital for mental health.
Loneliness is a serious danger to mental health and well-being. Since your MIL was defensive though I would not advise bringing it up again soon. Maybe your husband, but not you for a bit.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were skillful in how you exposed her hypocrisy.
I think in your position I would have significant concerns for her daughter though. Homeschooling is fine but the deliberate isolation of her daughter from all people and activities has already damaged her from the sound of it. I’m assuming her mum has no concept of how difficult adult life will be for someone who has never been allowed to interact with the world outside her home – and this could be regarded as mistreatment.
I hope your door is open for this child as she may need it at some point.” ccl-now
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, some families do a great job homeschooling, most don’t. There is more than one way to raise a child, as long as they are not being mistreated, we have to accept that.
Most home school students miss a lot of opportunities. Suggesting that putting SIL in school is ok, but don’t push it. My kid is a social butterfly, and he benefited from daycare, which does not mean that all kids should go to daycare.
Nor should your kid stay home because that’s what your MIL would do.” EnvironmentalCake531
4. WIBTJ If I Sell My Ex-Friend's Concert Tickets And Go By Myself?
“So, 5 months ago I bought pit tickets for a Harry Styles concert that is happening in about a month. The tickets were bought with my card and are all under my name but I bought two tickets for my (then) friends as well who later paid me the amount for the tickets.
Very shortly after these tickets were bought I saw that they were hanging out without me. When I asked them why they stopped inviting me to things and stopped texting me they answered with ‘We don’t feel like you ever take any initiative to reach out to us’ which I had been doing multiple times without any responses.
Since then we have not said a word to each other and they still hang out regularly. I was always very clear about the fact that I respect their wish and I will accept it and move on even though it made me sad to have two close friends shut me out.
The concert we were all so excited about is now just a few weeks ahead and the tickets are still on my Ticketmaster account. The tickets cannot be transferred according to Ticketmaster and the tickets have to be scanned on my phone, i.e. I cannot send them screenshots of the tickets and call it a day.
I do not want to send them a message or meet up with them since we haven’t talked in 5 months and going to this concert together would be very strange.
My question now is, would I be the jerk to send them both the funds they originally sent to me and then sell the two tickets and go by myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You would be giving them back their money, i.e. a refund, and if they wanted to go with you to have a good memory of the concert they shouldn’t have begun to exclude you. You reached out to try and see why they weren’t talking to you as much and you tried to repair the friendship which they turned down in their own way.
This should be a lesson to them on friendship, you miss out on the best experiences when you decide to burn bridges, no matter how or why.
What I would do as a petty vengeful person as I am: Take some real friends or even family to the show and have a great time and post plenty of great pics on social media of you having a wonderful time with people who actually care, basically a ‘this is what you miss out on when you burn bridges with someone like me who would have loved to go with real friends like these.’ But I am a jerk and I’m petty to those who burn bridges with me and I don’t care.
LOL.” Baphy95
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – tickets to Harry’s shows are transferable, which you probably know cause it’s in the info for the concerts. Also, they’re pit tickets, so you literally wouldn’t have to see your friends.
Being ditched by friends is trashy, but in my opinion, it doesn’t give you an excuse to take advantage of people, which you are doing by reselling tickets (that they paid for) to a most likely sold-out show.” kellieorange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day if you don’t want to go with them then that’s fine but personally, I’d reach out first saying that since you guys haven’t hung out in a while, you think it’s best you sell the tickets and refund their money and take it from there.
You’ll perhaps need to provide screenshots since the transfer function is available for most events, just not the Harry Styles, Taylor Swift level where scalping is rife.” Full-String7137
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, they already paid you and those are not your tickets anymore.
Just transfer them. You have a selling contract. You accepted the terms (money for tickets). You cannot just change your mind. If you just sold the tickets and gave them the money back, you break the contract. In the worst case, they have to pay several hundred more and they could claim this lost money from you, because – you guys have a contract.
Also, are you like 12? What’s so hard with ‘Hey, long time no hear, I still have your tickets. How can I transfer them to you?’ That’s all. Just imagine this is some stranger.” -horrorkid
3. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Sister's Guests Enter Our Place?
“My (M23) sister (F20) has the habit to hide things.
We grew up with abnormally strict parents and she was especially a victim of this.
Being a girl, she was never allowed anything, even less than what I was allowed (and believe me, I was kept on a leash too).
When I turned 19 and had enough money, I moved out. When my sister turned 18 she came with me.
But as I said, she still has the habit to hide everything. For example, I told her many times that she can ask for my sweaters whenever she wants but she keeps stealing them and pretending she didn’t take them until I find them in her room.
Same with food, I keep telling her that if she eats something she has to tell me so I can buy it again, but she eats in secret and pretends she has no idea where the food went.
I’m honestly fed up with this behavior because it has caused issues before.
She is seeing a psychologist, but it’s still hard to ignore it at home.
Tomorrow I’m hosting a party and I told my sister two weeks ago that if she wants her friends to come, she just needs to tell me.
I had to order pizza in advance and organize other things, so I needed to know how many people would attend.
At first, she mentioned her friend Ellie, a girl I know pretty well, but soon after she got defensive and said that she changed her mind and no one was coming.
Knowing her I insisted this past week that if her friends are coming it’s totally ok but I need to know.
She keeps denying and denying so I told her that she can’t keep behaving like this and if her friends do come in the end, I won’t let them in.
Now, I’m 80% sure at least Ellie will come. I don’t know if I should act on my words though.
I know she’s insecure on this matter so I feel like a jerk to ‘punish’ her, but she can’t keep doing this.
WIBTJ if I don’t let her friends in, in the end?”
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, this one is hard. I feel for you, it sounds like really annoying behavior and it would drive me absolutely bonkers. But in this instance, I feel like it would be kind of a jerk behavior to not let the friends in since they weren’t the ones telling you they weren’t coming and may have no idea of this conflict.
I’m going to go with ‘no jerks here’, except for your parents for doing this to both of you. I’d let them in and maybe see if you can go to therapy with your sister to see if they have any ideas on how to break this behavior of hers.” Substantial_Lion_524
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your sister has some profound mental health issues around the security of possessions, personal space, and speaking up for herself.
I’m guessing that when you show annoyance, press your sister for a Yes/No answer, ask her to ‘fess up’ for borrowing something, or give her an ultimatum or deadline, she goes passive: flop or freeze response.
This may have helped her survive your parents’ home, but it’s extremely irritating behavior in a roommate and I feel for you.
She’s only been out of your parents’ home for a couple of years – you’ve been out for four.
So she’s lagging way behind you in healing and turning into a fully autonomous adult. Hopefully, she’ll get there (psychotherapy is good!) but it may take a while yet.
Maybe you could adapt your expectations and tactics a bit, OP – like, have some extra bags of snacks around in case Ellie shows up, and keep your dealings with your sister as mellow and calm as you can.
One or two more guests at a party is not the end of the world, eh? Praise her on the occasions when she speaks up for herself. Also, put a lock on your bedroom door if you are totally fed up with her pinching your clothes, and that’s that.
YWBTJ if you flex, bar her friends at the door, and pile more shame and upset onto your sister. Sounds like she’s already had a lifetime of that. I’m sure you are a better brother than to continue it.” little500HondaCBR
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your sister is obviously dealing with a major trauma due to your childhood and she’s battling to get out of these habits. These things don’t change overnight and they require patience. You however are also doing your best to create a safe space and are within your rights to get annoyed. I personally would rather just count on Ellie being there and I wouldn’t act on the threat personally.
She’ll get there. Besides, you can never have too much pizza.” Mobile_Prune_3207
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need an accurate count of guests for your party so that you can purchase enough food, drinks, and other party supplies. You have told her, repeatedly, that she needs to tell you who she is inviting for that purpose.
If she lies, she has no one to blame but herself (for lying) if the consequence is that you don’t have enough for her friends to join. I would give her one last chance to give you an accurate count.
And then, the consequences of an undercount are her responsibility.” Individual_Ad_9213
2. AITJ For Wanting To Reject My Inheritance?
“My grandparents passed away and left me an asset that has significant liabilities associated with it that’s been in the family for some time. Let’s call it a beach vacation home (it’s not).
The whole family used it regularly for vacations and life events, and loved it, except me. Let’s say I don’t like the beach, hate long flights, and never liked being dragged along as a child in the first place. As an adult, I stopped going except for major family events.
This is objectively a very nice thing, but not my thing.
Why did they do this? They had plenty of money, but also responsibility for my severely disabled uncle. Most of their assets went to setting him up in a full-time care facility for life.
The vacation home went to me with a letter explaining I’m the only one who can afford to pay the bills associated with it and keep it going for the family in perpetuity, so it’s my job. The letter is a giant guilt trip, and par for the course of how they acted in life.
My family is very hierarchical culturally and expects elders’ orders to be followed. I’m expected to pay the bills and keep making them available to all for family vacations. This is a very significant ongoing expense I had not planned for.
I could, but it would have consequences. Since I never wanted this anyway, I offered to give it to the rest of the family as a group in some kind of trust since none can afford it individually. I don’t want money.
I just don’t want it to drain me and reduce my kid’s college savings.
That offer got a no. They’re insisting it was part of our grandparents’ last wishes that I own and maintain it for the family. They think I’m dumping my family responsibilities, and it would be a major sacrifice for the group of them who are not as well off as I am to pay to keep this thing going.
Incidentally, they’re also angry my disabled uncle got all the money because they think there was enough to go around. So, instead of a windfall and free vacations for life, they’re getting a bill or nada. However, the vacation home won’t maintain itself, and I don’t even like/use the thing unless strong-armed into it.
There’s also the side issue that a major family life event is apparently planned to take place there. I knew nothing about this before I had this asset land on me. Can’t tell if this was ginned up after to add to the pressure that I keep the thing or if it was planned all along without anybody mentioning it to me (wouldn’t be the first time).
But insert hysterical screaming and crying about how I’m ruining said life event.
They’re blowing up my phone and email, and making seeing them impossible because they’re livid I’m not doing what Grandma and Grandpa wanted. Am I the jerk?
I do get that it would be a huge deal for them to take this on, and they have come to rely on it for family events and vacations.
Note: This is not actually a vacation home, so please don’t suggest turning it into an Airbnb most of the time.
The analogy won’t stretch that far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your grandparents’ will prevents you from selling it, then simply reject the inheritance. If your family wants it, they can accept your offer to give it to them for free.
They don’t get to keep using it with you footing the bill. You can maybe offer as a gesture of goodwill to let that upcoming family event take place, and put it on the market the next day.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something was left to you, that will come at a great financial cost to you, simply because no one else can afford it? Absolutely not your responsibility. You don’t have to keep it. Also, you offered to set it up so they could all contribute and keep it in the family but that was shot down.
Your grandparents left you a financial burden that you get no enjoyment out of. You do not, under any circumstances, have to accept this. Tell your family they can either maintain it themselves, collectively or you’re selling it, which you’re completely within your rights to do.
They can suck a lemon. It is not your financial responsibility to maintain a property for everyone else to use.” nomusicnolove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your grandparents had no right to stick you with the huge financial responsibility just because you could afford it.
If they wanted it to stay in the family they should’ve discussed it with all the adults and come to a decision based on that. Don’t deplete the nest egg you’ve built for your family out of unnecessary guilt for a property you never wanted. Let them know if they don’t want to maintain the property, you’ll sell it and see what the reaction is.
If it’s important like they claim and not about having a free vacation home, they’ll figure it out.” Loud_Apple_7404
1. AITJ For Being Okay With Being Called "Stepmom" By My Stepson?
“I (32f) have been with my husband Daniel for a little over 6 years now. He has an 11-year-old son Noah with his late wife Ashley.
Dan and I met 2 years after Ashley died. We started out as friends and became more over time. We didn’t rush anything and gave Noah time to get used to me being in his life. He and I have always gotten along well so over time we married and have two little ones of our own together.
Noah sees his maternal family semi-regularly. They live about two hours from us but always invite him to every party and gathering and whether it’s his grandparents or one of his aunts or uncles, he is invited along to join them and his cousins for outings and stuff.
Dan and Ashley’s family were never super close but seem to get along. While her family and I are civil, we’re not at all close. Noah loves his family and he loves seeing them so that’s the main thing.
Noah doesn’t call me mom and doesn’t refer to me as his mom to others.
I’m his stepmom. That has never been a problem for us, though some have questioned why Noah wouldn’t have naturally started calling me mom over time or letting it slip sometimes. I have never seen it as a big deal.
One of the people who has commented on it a couple of times is my MIL. She asked me if I had ever asked him to call me mom or if I ever told him I would like him to.
I always told her I did not ask or tell him to because it should be his choice, on his terms, not on mine. She accepted that, or told me she did anyway, and we didn’t hear about it for years.
Then a couple of weeks ago I was dropping something off at MIL’s house, and MIL told Noah to ‘give this to your mom’ because I had my hands full. He told her I wasn’t his mom, I’m his stepmom.
She looked for me to correct him but I said nothing. She told him that stepmoms are moms too. He said I was Kaia and Dex’s mom (my kids) and I was his stepmom because he has another mom. I saw MIL getting ready to debate him over this so I moved things along and we left. MIL told my husband what happened and he was asking her why it was a big enough deal to bring up.
She told him I should have said something to Noah for correcting her or should have stopped him from doing it at least. He said that seemed like a bad idea and a perfect way to start a push on his boundaries.
She told me I was rude to her and I am letting Noah exclude himself from the family. She said he would be happier if I took ‘step’ out of the equation.
AITJ for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepson is perfectly allowed to state his views on who his parents are. Your MIL sounds like an entitled boomer that clearly thinks her opinions are more important than this kid’s self-identity. You sound like you are doing an AMAZING job at this stepmom gig by the way.
He will look back fondly knowing that you supported him and found his views and feelings to be of value. You are a selfless and generous and caring person and the world needs more people just like you.” DiscoJuneBug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s right. It doesn’t diminish the relationship you have. If he called her mum it would be just as wrong and also wouldn’t diminish what they have. If he’s happy with how things are, that’s the main thing.
One benefit of being a step-parent is you won’t be as likely to cause trauma by making him feel like you’re pushing his mum out.
She may have passed, but she earned the right to remain a part of his identity and you’re respecting that as a good step-mum should. The other benefit is you can be what he needs and he can lead that.
Parents don’t get that chance because they’re there before the kid is able to express themselves. Noah was 5 though if my math is right and very capable of leading what relationship he needed and wanted with you. Personally, I think that’s precious and worth protecting.
On this matter your MIL’s opinion is worthless and she needs to respect Noah and your choice.” South_Front_4589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Can I just say, you are doing an AMAZING job. The fact that you are letting him set his own boundaries with this and are willing to be patient in letting him process everything… my God, lady; if you’re not a Saint, you should be.
Sounds to me like MIL is just wanting to make herself look better. ‘Your mother is dead, so call step-mother ‘mom’ because you need to get over it.’ Like… if his birth mother never existed, he wouldn’t either. And for MIL to force HER ideals on her grandchild is just selfish.
Based solely on how you’re treating him, Noah might call you mom one day. And that would be great. But for now, you’re doing an incredible honor to his mother by letting him deal with it on his own time.” ShenaniBatman
