People Are Crying Over Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Tales
20. AITJ For Kicking My Aunt Out Of My House The Night Before My Father's Funeral?
“I lost my father in Aug due to reasons I won’t get into. He had 4 other siblings: in this story, we will be looking at the middle is (AC, not married) and the 5th son (UA, married with 1 adult child and 1 actual child).
Dealing with the loss of my father was hard enough.
When he died, I (30) had to maintain the family business, plan the funeral, and try to keep everything in my life from falling apart. The usual. About a week or so after his passing, his former partner J and I went to the funeral home and arranged services.
I got a call from Aunt C (I let it go to voicemail since I didn’t feel like talking to her. She has a voice that she tries to make sound young and babyish but at the same time will condescendingly talk to you like no matter what you say, she is right.) The message stated that the two guest bedrooms were going to be reserved for her, her son, and his wife who were flying into town.
If you’ve ever planned a big event, you probably know how stressful it is to have “guests” while you are trying to plan. Didn’t even ask if the rooms were open. Despite getting her a hotel room nearby, she made herself at home in the guest room and did not contribute a thing aside from complaining about the heat, locking herself away in the room, and not contributing at all (despite UA coming down to help, and J working with me to make everything work.
Her? Nope. Nothing.)
Night Before The Funeral! Uncle A and his family, J, AC, and her son were at a restaurant. During the sit-down (appetizers had not even come out yet) J and Uncle A started to get into a major fight over the catering of the event.
AC intervened and told me, in a very condescending way, that I needed to mind my own business. I’m not going to lie, I saw red. I looked her dead in the eyes and said in a slow, calm voice teeming with building anger “I want you to get your stuff out of my house.
You are no longer welcome.” I would think that someone staying as a guest would have a little more respect for their host but she looked me in the eyes and said “That not going to happen.” I threatened her with throwing her belongings onto the lawn before she got back to the house (she didn’t have a rental car and only took an Uber).
I left the dinner, not feeling particularly hungry after that ordeal, and proceeded to call her son and told him about the hotel room and info, and that I wanted her out immediately. He came by with her a few hours later and collected her belongings.
He and his wife talked to me a little bit but AC just brought her belongings out to the car and avoided talking to me the rest of the night and the day after.
I know that during periods of grieving and planning, stress can cause people to go overboard and lash out.
I’m just wondering if maybe I overdid it a bit. So…AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My deepest condolences for your loss! Hope you find the strength to bear it! I lost my father at 19 and I had an elder cousin who all but blamed me for his heart condition that caused his demise!
I went into a deep depression after that. People need to stay out of the way of grieving family members or it could have dire consequences. Your aunt needed to be called out and I’m glad you did since it should be therapeutic in a weird way.” bimmer_rider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’d ask if you communicated the added difficulty to this family member. People live for a long time – it might be better to try and mend fences… but it sounds like this was the last straw. Bit of a shame if you all couldn’t talk it out… but you can only dig a well under an outhouse if the mess stops.” ViagraTechSupport
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt has been condescending and acting entitled the whole time she’s forced you to put up with her. You’re handling all of this while grieving for your father, and she just seems insistent on making things harder for you (and nothing else, apparently.
She could stand to help, or at the very least let you have your space). It’s your house, you get to decide who’s in it.” Mysterious-Lizard
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Unpleasant Friend To Stay Over?
“I (F22) am staying home with my parents for the fall because of a few issues that required me to take a break from college for the semester. When I came home, my dad informed me that his friend, who we’ll call John (M, idk like the late 30s?), asked to stay over at the house the week of Thanksgiving.
My family just moved into a much larger house in which my brother and I both have our bedrooms on separate floors and my parents have a master suite on the top floor. We don’t have a guest bedroom, however, so the only suitable room for John to sleep in is the office across from my room.
My dad told me that because of this, before he agreed to let John stay over for an entire week, he would ask me for my permission first, and if I said no, he would tell John no.
I don’t have a lot of good concrete reasons for it, but I genuinely really dislike and feel uncomfortable around John.
He’s kind of mean to me, and he smokes (we’re in a no-smoking household as two of us have asthma). He also brags about being addicted to substances, often stays very late at parties, feels like he is constantly trying to overstep boundaries to get a reaction out of me, and to top it off, my parents frequently complain about how much they’re annoyed by him.
I wouldn’t feel good having him in the house for a week in general, but having him in a room that I would have to pass to go to the bathroom, that looks directly into my bedroom (which does not have a functioning lock on the door), makes me feel unsafe.
I barely know this man. I don’t want to sleep in an unlocked room right across from him, so I told my dad this and he agreed to tell John he couldn’t stay over.
Last night, my dad told me John was going to stay over anyway.
He claimed that he “gave hints” to John that he didn’t want him to stay, but “couldn’t just tell him no.” When I brought up to my dad that he promised me I could say no, my dad at first lied and said I never disagreed, then shut down the conversation by snapping at me for getting angry at him.
I admit that I yelled at him at first and then started acting very passive-aggressive after he shut the conversation down, but we spent the rest of the evening hanging out together and I don’t think he knows I’m still mad.
My brother suggested that I stay at my grandmother’s house for the week instead, but my grandmother lives half an hour away and I don’t own a car (I commute to my classes by bike), so I couldn’t get back and forth on my own to help prep for thanksgiving or to get stuff that I needed throughout the week.
Important context: John can afford a hotel room and does not need to stay over except that it would be cheaper for him.
I don’t think it’s fair that my dad promised me I could say no to this guy staying over and then let him stay over anyway.
My dad thinks it’s rude to tell his friend that he can’t stay over and won’t listen to any of my arguments. I guess I don’t have any control over this because it’s not my house, but I’m still mad at my dad.
But I also get that John is his friend who he wants to spend time with. I just feel betrayed. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You are right about John, but your father is a weak man and he doesn’t mind not protecting you.
It’s a shame your father is this way, but you should recognize that reality. Stop making excuses and go stay at your grandmother’s house. Yes, that means you can’t prep for Thanksgiving. So what? Your family can prepare for Thanksgiving without you.
No one will die. If you can get to your classes for a week and show up to Thanksgiving then that’s the goal. It’s better to deal with a minor inconvenience than to worry about John acting inappropriately towards you. Your father won’t protect you so protect yourself by making the socially hard decision.” BeeJackson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I recommend, though, since you don’t have a proper lock on your door, is there any way to put a chair underneath the doorknob to prevent anyone from coming in? That way, if anyone says anything, you can retaliate by you asking them why they tried entering your room at night” YogurtclosetDry2154
18. AITJ For Expecting To Live Alone In A House I Helped My Dad Build?
“I came back from traveling 2 years ago and worked hard to save £100k when I was away. I came back and visited my family after restrictions finally got better. I had to decide on going back or starting a life back home and a mortgage advisor confirmed I would be able to make a move on buying my first house.
Getting bored over Christmas my father asked me to help him out. He has run a small engineering business as a sole trader for years. In the background, he has had planning permission approved for a small 1 bedroom house to be built right next to his workshop.
After talking with my father we came to a mutual decision that I could carry on working with him helping out, and between us, we would build this house together. He owns the land and would pay for the build and I would then buy the house when it’s finished. So my mind was made up.
Throughout this time, I am now pretty much running my father’s business. He has offered to sell the business to me for £100k. The business is currently turning over about £90k a year and is struggling to find new business with it barely being profitable.
I can see a possibility of making things better but almost all the equipment we use is on its last legs and a serious investment would need to be made. He is done! And will sell if I am not interested. But the proximity to what will be my house is a real incentive for me to make things work and be my boss.
2 Years later the problem comes that my father has just told me a month away from finishing that he will be moving in with me Monday to Friday for at least a year as he is currently selling his other home. He will at the same time be looking for another plot of land to build his next home and build it.
So the year of living with me could be a very stretched-out one. This house isn’t big enough for 2 people and would mean that one of us is pretty much sleeping on the sofa.
I haven’t had the best of years mentally and he has played a huge negative part in that for me.
So it was a real incentive for me knowing that I would be able to move into this house and start fresh and work on the business without him being there.
He now wants way more funds for the house. I understand this is a lucky position to be in however I feel extremely tied up in my dad’s web of how he wants things to work.
He will have to underwrite my mortgage, pay him rent on the business premises that he owns, owe him £100k for a business that isn’t doing that well, and mess around paying him cash for a year in rent which won’t help me when applying for a mortgage.
It just makes me feel I will never get away. Am I the jerk for expecting to live here on my own or is my dad for changing the goalposts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your Dad’s finances are precarious, the business is in trouble, and Dad isn’t standing by the agreements he made with you.
Don’t buy the house from him. And start applying for jobs elsewhere. You need housing and work that’s independent of your father.” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, walk away now. He effectively talked you into buying the one-bed house because the way he presented it, it would be a good deal for you.
Once you were sold on the idea he got you to invest valuable time in making it a reality. Then, only when you were deeply invested in the plan, did he reveal that his struggling business was up for sale, creating the ‘dilemma’. This was a long-term strategy on his part to get himself out of a situation and come out on top, on the back of your saved £100k.
You have been played. He’s relying on you only seeing it all through the lens of getting that house. You need to get out of his plan. No matter what, it will never benefit you as much as him. The fact that he wants you to buy the house AFTER he has rented it to you for a year should be a clear indication of that.
He gets to have his cake and eat it in every which way. However, if he can buy a plot of land and build on it, so could you. You could put one of those prefab tiny homes on it, while you build your property – then sell the tiny home as they have good resale value.
(INFO: did he pay you a builder’s wage for the house you helped him build? If not, you should invoice him, and he has some gall asking for rent from you).” Curious_Puffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A one-bedroom house is the WORST kind of house to own or invest in.
Use this moving of the needle on your Dad’s part as an opportunity to escape this TERRIBLE idea. Your dad is serving himself here, not you. Branch out on your own and buy a proper home that someone might actually buy if you want to sell.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Siblings Anymore After My Parents Consistently Forgot To Inform Me About Their Plans?
“I (27f) was an only child of my mom for 16 years. Mom(45f) and I did not live together as I live in our home country and she worked abroad up to my 15 yrs. She met my stepdad(55m) when I was 13. They got married where he lives (in Europe).
I come from Asia. When mom got pregnant they were so happy as they were not expecting to have another child since I’m all grown up. I have a sister.
Fast forward to when I was 22, they wanted a 2nd baby. But my mom has high blood pressure so getting pregnant is very risky.
But they pushed it through IVF. They wanted to try for a boy. Since they have 2 daughters now.
I still live at home since the housing market from where I live is too expensive. I also redo high school when I came here and I still want to go to college so I’m currently working.
I offered to pay rent and necessities but my parents declined as they wanted me to save up for college.
But instead, they want me to help with household chores. Mind you, both of them work 6 days. Sometimes, 7 days. They have their own business aside from working full-time jobs.
With that, I became the parent of my 2 younger sibs.
It was hard to balance everything. My work, maintaining the household, my social life, and my partner. I feel like I’m parenting. I’m struggling with my low iron and very little energy with my not-so-great mental health issues.
I love my parents to the bone but I’m honestly so tired.
My last straw was when I planned something with a friend and asked them 3 months before the plan to find a babysitter because I wanted to go to a concert. The day of the concert came, and no babysitter was in sight.
I was panicking already since my train time is nearing and I’m stuck with my 5 and 10 yr old sibs. So I started tearing up and couldn’t contact them. Luckily my partner is free (he lives an hour away from where I live) he offered to take me to the concert place upon learning the situation and I brought my sisters to my aunt who lives 5 min away by car.
Later I found out that my aunt was supposed to be the babysitter but she couldn’t pick up my sisters since she was not feeling well and asked my parents to bring them instead to her but they happened to “forget” to tell me. But this is the 5th time of the month they’ve casually forgotten to tell me.
I feel like they are disrespecting my time.
And so I confronted my parents, and this is where I might be the jerk because after confronting them, I also told them I would not babysit the children I didn’t give birth to anymore and that it’s their children, not mine.
So they told me I’m ungrateful and some names.
I’m having doubts about whether I should apologize or not as I feel like it’s wrong to say what I said but they weren’t exactly right either. I don’t know you all. It’s my first time saying something mean.
You could say I finally exploded. I’m currently staying with a friend. Her place is closer to where I work.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are throwing something in for face that they declined. You offered to pay rent but they declined because they wanted you to “save for college” but they needed free babysitting services.
The longer you stay away the more desperate they’ll want you back.” Sashasez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you deserve to not have low iron/anemia! An iron supplement is good and it absorbs better with vitamin C. So drink orange juice or something when you take it.
Or add some more red meat to your diet, especially around your period. You need strength! Your parents are completely neglecting you and your siblings. I know you feel you are parenting them, but your most important priority should be parenting yourself. Take good care of yourself and make every step to leave that house.” imtchogirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re not your kids. They don’t want you paying rent because then there’s no leverage for you to watch their kids. They don’t want you leaving because you’re free child care for them. They are taking advantage of you.” chaingun_samurai
16. AITJ For Refusing to Babysit My Friend's Kids on My Only Break Night?
“I work a very stressful job full-time 40 hours sales job and I recently started going back to school part-time online.
I’m single and have no kids. So for the past 7 weeks, my life has been a job, working on my assignments, sleeping, and repeating. Even on my off days I just do school work all day and catch up on readings and chores. This past week I was on a one-week break from school I haven’t had much free time this past couple of weeks so I planned on just relaxing and catching up with friends.
I have a friend who has 4 kids (aged 4-6) and just started a new job 2 weeks ago. Before she started working she was a stay-at-home mom for months and hasn’t gone out much. So Thursday night she texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a game night with her new co-worker friends on Friday night.
Since I’m on break I told her yes but I have to be home by midnight because I work Saturday mornings and don’t function well at work without enough sleep. She’s off on Saturday but she doesn’t have a car so she told me she was fine with leaving at 12 with me.
She then proceeded to text me maybe 15 minutes later and said the change of plans my grandma can’t babysit my kids. Can you come over at 10 pm and watch my kids while I go to game night? They’ll probably be asleep and you can sleep too but I’ll be back at 12.
I said no. And said how are you going to invite me to a game night and then uninvite me and ask me to babysit. I love your kids but I don’t want to spend my only Friday night off during my break babysitting. I also have no control over whether she will be back at 12.
I was gonna go to game night to have fun but I don’t want to babysit and sit at your house since I’m always stressed at work I’d rather go home and relax.
She said I was selfish and she was gonna be back at 12 and that as a friend I should help her out since she hasn’t been able to go out in months.
So who do you think was in the right or wrong in this situation me or my friend? Was I wrong for agreeing to go to game night and not babysitting even though I was technically free?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend is being a total jerk about it all.
But, You do know what TL: DR is, right? That was the longest one I ever read, and it would have been completely fine to have just posted that, instead of the whole post. Sometimes less is more.” CalendarDad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend just wanted to confirm you were available, lock you into a free time slot, and then ditch you.
No game night EVER only lasts 2 hours. She was lying. And who tf invites someone out and then says “Oh only I can go out now, you can just babysit”. If she needs a break, she can pay a sitter instead of lying to you.
She’s not a friend.” Cat1832
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is the jerk here, inviting you out, and then asking you to babysit instead. It’s almost like she invited you knowing she needed a sitter and would try to bait and switch. Good for you for not giving in.” Emotional_Bonus_934
15. AITJ For Calling Psychology a 'Fake Science' and Upsetting My Partner's Friend?
“I (M21) have been seeing my partner (F21) for about a month at the time of the event, but we’ve been close friends for a year beforehand.
For my partner’s birthday, she was throwing a little party. She invited her best friend (F20), who we’ll call Eve, to come down earlier so they could hang out before the party since they haven’t seen each other in 2 years because they go to different universities.
They invited me to come eat lunch with them to meet Eve in person.
Before lunch, I invited my partner and Eve over, and I have a wall where I have taped A LOT of Pokemon cards to. I called it my “Pokemon wall” and she took a picture of it laughed, and sent it to her partner because he loves Pokemon too.
The lunch went well, and I am being my normal self. Which is very “ostentatious and blunt”. However, I made the fatal mistake of asking Eve what her major is and she replied “psychology”, and I have a very negative opinion about Psychology. All I said was, “Ehh psychology.
That’s a fake science.” and my partner said, “Yeah he doesn’t like psychology.” Nothing more, nothing less.
Later that evening was the party, and Eve wasn’t there. Supposedly she didn’t want to come and just wanted to go back home.
The next morning, my partner called me asking if I could come over, and she showed me Eve’s private social media account.
On Eve’s account, she had posted two posts and three stories dogging me. Saying how dare I will be a misogynist and try to control her life by saying psychology is a fake science, that all I am is a toxic man, that I talk weird and need to learn how to talk properly (I have a speech impediment and accent), the Pokemon wall was ugly, and that biology (my major) is a fake science since everything in biology is theories.
All of her friends comment that I am some evil man. I wanted to fire back but didn’t because I did not want to damage my partner’s relationship with Eve. Plus I did not want to feed her narrative that I am a misogynist. Therefore, I pushed it to the side and forgot about it.
About a week later, my partner received PARAGRAPH texts from Eve stating how she still hates me and is now mad at my partner for taking my side and not reprimanding me. She was saying how I was rude and laughed at her at lunch.
Along with more jabs at me on a personal level, Eve said that I only said psychology was fake to start a debate. This isn’t true at all, although I did debate throughout highschool. My partner replied saying she didn’t like how Eve posted about me on social media for all their friends to see.
Eve replied saying how she’s disappointed in my partner, more mean things about me, and that she is upset.
About a few days ago, Eve blocked my partner on her private social media account and lost her streak on Snapchat. It’s obvious that she is still mad at me for my opinions, and now posting trash posts about my partner on her account.
AITJ for being blunt and causing all of this? Or is all of this petty drama?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She just said, “I’m majoring in psychology” and you suddenly just dismiss her all over her major. And for NO reason. She wasn’t arguing she was a hard science major, so she’s not threatening your egotistical claim to be the only **REAL** scientist. What a total jerk move!
Also, let’s be honest, math, physics, and even chemistry view biology the same way you view psychology so you can get off your high horse and stop thinking you’re better than others simply because of your major. >AITJ for being blunt… No, you’re the jerk for insulting your partner’s friend major for no reason and hiding behind the stupid ‘I was just being honest/blunt’ excuse when, in reality, you were just being a socially inept, embarrassing jerk.” AppropriateScience71
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here You – for rendering an opinion that’s both ~~blunt~~ uneducated and ignorant. You clearly need to learn about social cues, and an inability to do so can be indicative of a *psychological* disorder… or you might just be a jerk.
Eve – for what she did on whatever private social media account is.” FutureSelection
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I feel like a LOT is being left out, her reaction would be very extreme, if all you did was call psychology a ‘fake psychology.’ she even avoided her best friend bday party because of you.
I think you’re probably lacking in self-awareness, so there’s a lot you probably didn’t pick up on in the interaction. You should have a conversation with your partner about this. Eve is her best friend, they have presumably helped each other through many hard times, it’s an important relationship to your partner.
You should do your best to help her maintain it.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Calling My Mother By Her First Name After She Said She Resents Me?
“Me (16F) and my 33-year-old mother do not get along, we never have and although I’d love for things to be nice between us, I doubt they ever will be. There are many reasons for this, relating to her past relationships, my relationship with school etc etc, but the main takeaway is that we argue like cats and dogs.
Around three weeks ago, we got into a particularly bad argument over my school attendance ( context: I don’t skive to skive, I have really bad social anxiety, and can hardly leave my house on a good day, let alone be at school on a bad one ) and because my dad is my dad, I was unable to go to his, meaning I had to stay upstairs whilst my mum had her friend over to complain about me.
Now, my mum does this thing where if she wants to upset me, she’ll have the conversation inside ( where I can hear it ) instead of outside like she usually does. This isn’t me overthinking, she has admitted it before to me, to my friends, and to everyone we know.
Although she has said some bad stuff before, I don’t think anything compares to what I heard then. She admitted that even though I am her first child and only daughter, she feels nothing but resentment towards me and that if she could pawn me off without being judged by her family for it, then she would without hesitation.
I thought she was just angry, and talking out of spite, but I kept hearing her say it. She said it to her sister and several of her other friends during late-night phone calls throughout that week. Sometimes it was just a quip as they’d ask about me and she’d go, “She’s not my daughter.” and other times it was a full thing.
My final straw was when she told my five-year-old brother not to speak to me because I was just a stranger living in their home. She even scolded him for telling me he loved me before bed later that day.
I got fed up with it and decided that if I was not good enough to be her daughter, then logically I shouldn’t be calling her mom, so I started calling her Jane.
She’d shout at me – “Okay Jane”, She’d storm into my room, “Jane I’m getting dressed.”, and things like that.
She kicked me off, called me disrespectful, and said I wasn’t allowed in her home as I was taking up space I didn’t pay for.
I’ve been staying between my dad’s flat and my nan’s house. I told my mum that if she wanted me to call her mom, then she needed to love me like she was my mother and that I’d pay for my right to be in this family if I had to.
I can’t work where I live (it’s legal, but nowhere is hiring people my age) so I’ve been babysitting a lot for my aunties and saving it in a jar until I can afford to “rent” my room at Mom’s. She still won’t let me home, though we are still in contact, and my family is starting to suggest I’m being stubborn about the situation and should just call her mum again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Please do not pay your mom. I understand why you want to do this, but self-preservation is more important than proving a point. Try to save the funds you earn for YOURSELF. You might need this sooner than you can imagine.
Your mother is not a stable person. You are the one who provides stability for your younger siblings which is a terrible situation for you. Try to find sources who can help and support you. Be aware that as long as you are not independent, your mother has the upper hand.
This means your mother can and will make your life more stressful. Especially when you fight back against her emotional mistreatment. Pick your fights very carefully. Do not allow her to get in your head. Become emotionally resilient as much as you can. She cannot cross the boundaries inside you.
This is hard. You can leave when you grow up. She is cruel towards you and this is unlikely to change. Maybe find a way to protect your younger siblings from her.” Scar_Dull
13. AITJ For Being Upset At My New Partner For Ignoring My Discomfort And Fighting With His Friends?
“Me [33F] and my new partner [39M] have been seeing each other for 3 months now. I met his friends this past weekend at his friend’s place. Before we arrived, he told me that there had been some drama between him and his friends since he went on an outing with his friend’s wife’s sister, but decided not to pursue it.
His friend’s wife doesn’t like him after this and refuses to come to events if he is there. His friend group recently has been excluding him because she likes to make a stink about it.
I was having a really good time with all of his friends.
I liked and connected with everyone I met there until the host’s sister dropped in late, completely inebriated. I am the only one she doesn’t know so she starts drilling me with questions: Q: ”Where do I live?” A: “The city”, Q: “What is my living situation like?” A: “In a condo alone”, Q: “Do you rent?”, A: “No, I own.” Q: “What do you do to be able to afford that?” A: “I am a XX Engineer for XX”, Q: “So how is it going meeting all of your partner’s friends for the first time?
You are being judged so how do you think you are doing?” A: “I think it’s going pretty well, we have been chatting about movies, dogs, camping, etc” Q: “So are you judging us?” A: “I like everyone here and everyone has been very kind to me.
I am having a great time.” After this, I was sick of the questions. I turn to my partner who is sitting beside me but is distracted by something else. I told him “I can’t stay outside anymore, I’m going inside” as a hint that I was uncomfortable.
It goes unnoticed, so I chill with the doggos a bit more inside.
Next, I see that he is getting into it with one of his friends. His friends once again shut him out of upcoming plans because of his friend’s wife. They are getting really angry at each other.
He keeps on asking her not to touch him and they are yelling at each other and saying not nice things. He asks me to leave, but I realize I put my phone down somewhere and need to look for it for a second. He gets mad at me as his friend is continuing to go at him and I am prolonging the situation.
I quickly say bye to everyone and tell him I have my phone even though I don’t, I just need to de-escalate the situation. We leave.
I tell him it upset me that he A) didn’t notice my distress even though I tried to make it clear I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave, B) he felt the need to make such a scene on the night that I met all his friends and C) it distressed me, in general, to see him and his friends fight like that.
I still can’t shake the feeling that he is leaving some part of the story out. I told him that if he argued with them the next time we went to see them, I wouldn’t want to come. He thinks I am overreacting and is trying to make light of the situation, calling me a space cadet for misplacing my phone.
I told him it was too soon, that I needed some time to think about things, and that we should spend the next few nights apart.
AITJ for overreacting here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I agree that you might not be getting the full story.
The friend seems angry about something that presumably happened more than 3 months ago. Unless that something was pretty bad. Has your phone been found?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Um, you are both in your 30s and he is almost 40. I bet he went out with his friend’s SIL and then ghosted her and that’s why said friend and friend’s wife are acting like this.
Your new partner is omitting something important. Drop this guy. At 39, this whole scene is too chaotic and immature for a woman who is looking for a mature partner.” Traditional_Curve401
12. AITJ For Throwing Away My Neighbor's Chairs To Stop Their Disruptive Behavior?
“I’m a 24M living in a very expensive city in TX. In the past few years, the rent has increased beyond what most people make, and my partner and I live in the cheapest apartment complex in our city.
We both go to school nearby and both work (I work nights) and she works part-time and goes to school part-time.
We’ve lived in our complex for 3 years and haven’t had any issues. Our building is very tiny 1 bed with 1 bath, a living room, kitchen, and outdoor patio.
(No dining room or even space for the kitchen table). We keep ours in storage and our complex has very strict rules about what you can keep on your patio (only outdoor furniture and absolutely no smoking inside or outside). This is important because my partner has really bad asthma.
About a month ago we got new neighbors (5 adults and 2 small children) who moved into the apartment in the front of our building. Our paid parking is right in front of their patio/front door and we have to pass them to get to our apartment.
We noticed that the woman who seems to be the mother of the children sits outside chain smoking 24/7 and both my partner and I have attempted to tell her this is a non-smoking complex, but she gives us the evil eye and pretends to not understand.
We also noticed that they keep their balcony filled with junk & they’ve lined up 6 tacky velvet dining room chairs in our walkway (which isn’t allowed per fire code) where they invite other friends over every night and they all smoke and drink and leave the glass bottles sitting on the ground where they have the potential to break beside our cars.
I also noticed that the men called out to my partner as she attempted to pass (I witnessed this while I was on the phone with her and overheard them). They also leave their door open and play loud music all night and all day, and the 2 kids run around with zero supervision.
(I’ve realized with 7 people in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment, they pretty much live outside). In addition, the piles of junk keep piling up in our entryway and beside our cars, and they are now just throwing tarps over them and using the entire outdoor area as a storage area.
I’ve made numerous complaints and the apartment managers just post notices on everyone’s door saying they will start to fine anyone breaking the rules but never actually do anything.
Then on Sunday at 5 am I come up from a long night of working and catch one of the adult men peeping into my windows on my partner who was up late working on a paper.
I confront him and again, no English. So I decide I’m done, and I grab their ugly dining chairs and throw those into the dumpster. If they have nowhere to sit, they can’t sit out there smoking and drinking. Well, my partner thinks I’m being too confrontational and me tossing their chairs is a jerk move.
Is it? I feel like these people have ruined our living experience and we work too hard to constantly be seeing them living outside and creating a dirty environment.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are being too confrontational and you are not merely being a jerk but you are breaking the law by what you have done to their property.
It is not for you to take matters into your own hands to correct behavior or administer consequences for how the neighbors are behaving, which in most cases the apartment complex deems in violation of rental terms. You are merely making yourself and your partner potential targets by the problematic neighbors and subjects for law enforcement who may be contacted about what you did to their personal property.
If management is not doing their part in following through with fines for complaints, then reach out to your local tenant association who can get involved.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“ESH you’ve just escalated conflict with a group of strangers who know where you live, and can very easily damage your property or endanger your partner.
How easy do you think it will be to cause your property more damage than those cheap chairs? In no time your car will be keyed, window wipers broken, or tyres popped” MiuraSerkEdition
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Don’t do it when they can see you do it.
These people may retaliate and do something harmful to your partner or you. Contact the fire department and see if the piles under the tarps constitute a fire hazard. They should come out and check. If you catch a peeper again, call the police. Hopefully, the place where you live hasn’t defunded the department to the point where they can’t help you.
Check and see if there is a clause in your lease that will allow you to move. Your safety is not worth cheap rent. Good Luck” QuinGood
11. AITJ For Asking My Uncle To Stop Promising Extravagant Trips To My Daughter?
“So, a little backstory. When my sisters and I were kids, every year for our birthdays and Christmas my uncle would give us cards. Inside those cards would be a printed-out picture of some place (i.e. local theme parks, the zoo, aquarium, museums, or any place a kid would love to go).
After we opened them, he would tell us that we were going to that place. He would say things like “It’s gonna be the best trip of your life!” That would make us very excited. Here’s the thing. We never went on any of those trips.
We never went to any of those places.
As a young kid, it would be disappointing. But after a while, I started expecting it and just going along with it. I don’t hold any animosity towards him at all obviously. As an adult now, I understand he did that because he didn’t have the means to buy us gifts.
Here’s where I’m starting to have a little bit of an issue with it. My daughter’s fifth birthday was last week. My uncle gave her a card, she opened it to find a printed-out picture of a theme park about two hours away from our house.
And he promised her a fun weekend away. He promised her things like a giant hotel room with a swimming pool, all the snacks she could ever want, and tickets to every show she wanted to see at the park. She was over the moon.
For the past week, my daughter has talked non-stop about this trip. She keeps telling me how excited she is and how excited her whole class at school is for her. It breaks my heart to look at that smile on her face knowing it’s not gonna happen.
I remember how disappointing it was for me, and I didn’t want her to go through that.
So. I texted my uncle. Here’s what the message said, “Hi! Your message on [daughter’s name] card was so beautiful. Do you think next time you could leave out the promise of an extravagant trip?
The thought and gesture is amazing. However, I never know what to say when she asks me when this trip will be. She loves spending time with you so I know the promise of even a nice lunch together would make her so happy.”
He never responded, but my aunt told me he was upset.
She said something like he was offended that I implied the only thing he could afford was a “nice lunch.” I didn’t mean it like that at all. I just wanted him to understand that she loves him and wants to spend time with him and he doesn’t need to promise impossible things to make that happen.
But I can see why he interpreted it the way he did. And that’s where I’m wondering if I’m the jerk. This has been an unspoken thing in my family for so many years so I’m now wondering if I should’ve just kept it that way.
I just can’t stand the thought of my little girl getting disappointed so many times. My sisters and my mom agree with me. My mom even said she wished she stopped it when we were kids. So, AITJ for telling my uncle to stop gifting my daughter extravagant trips?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why are you being sensitive to his feelings when he wasn’t sensitive to yours when you were a child? Tell him that his actions caused you repeated disappointment when he didn’t follow through on his promises and that you don’t want your child to experience the same.
IOUs are not present. As you say, a lunch or an activity on the day would be lovely, but other than that, stick to an actual gift or give nothing at all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop being nice because he’s not being nice.
He knowingly is getting a child’s hope up and then crushing it. There isn’t one nice thing about what he’s doing. Tell him he’s no longer allowed to give gifts because he’s a known liar, and that all attempts will be intercepted by you.” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would protect your daughter. Because that’s exactly what you’re doing. The disappointment for everyone when it doesn’t happen is so harsh for a child. It’s not a life lesson she needs to learn. Too bad he’s upset about your implication.
Your daughter comes first. He’s making empty promises and setting her up to not believe or trust when someone gives her something exciting. You already went through that and know how it feels. She doesn’t deserve that also.” BrainSurgeryWoman
10. AITJ For Suing My Company And A Customer Who Accused Me Of Stealing?
“This issue has been going on for the last 7 months and I (16f) can finally speak about this as it’s resolved.
10/11 months ago, I was working at a retail store close to my house every weekend because I was still in school. I’m from a SEA country.
I worked as a cashier/ sales assistant and was on probation for nearly 3 months. The 3 months were going smoothly and all of my coworkers were kind to me as I was the youngest. This issue took place a few weeks before my probation ended.
I had a customer come in with his wife and they bought some stuff. One of them was fake earphones I scanned their stuff and put it in a plastic bag for them.
20 minutes after that the store was quiet. I was using my phone when they walked in again angrily and slammed the plastic bag on the counter where I was standing.
The man in his mid-40s started screaming at me saying I stole his earphones. I tried to calm him down but he was getting scarier during this time his wife started insulting my skin tone (I’m a brown girl). In my country, my people are stereotyped as robbers.
I tried calling for my senior coworkers but they just stood there and told him to calm down. I then used the walkie-talkie to contact my supervisor. I didn’t get an answer from him. I was getting terrified. He then threw some stuff at me in anger.
One of my coworkers asked for his receipt to check and said the earphones were scanned. He then argued saying I scanned but stole it. Why would I steal cheap earphones????
After 20 minutes my supervisor walked in and asked for that man’s receipt to check the CCTV.
During this time I wanted to leave the place but that man and his wife blocked my path and continued harassing me. After checking the CCTV my supervisor came out and showed the man that I put the earphones in a plastic bag so he must’ve dropped them somewhere.
My supervisor made me apologize for the inconvenience and I refused to do so. I walked out of the store and called my parents to pick me up. My parents marched up to the store to complain after seeing me crying. The supervisor tried apologizing and told my parents to not blow this into something big.
My mom said she’d sue them and we went home.
My brother is a lawyer and my uncle is a policeman. So we filed a report and sued my company and the man. The man and his wife were held liable. The company decided to settle the issue privately and we agreed.
I don’t work there anymore and this whole process was overwhelming for me. My entire family is on my side. I bumped into my old coworker 2 weeks ago and he said I unnecessarily reacted because I wasn’t hurt. My supervisor was fired a few months after the incident because he didn’t react quickly.
He was watching Netflix in the store room. My coworker said I wouldn’t survive a day in the real world because I’m a stuck-up privilege kid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The customer was verbally assaulting you, and your pathetic manager tried to make you apologize for it.
Everything your manager did was wrong and unprofessional. You should have been separated from the customer as soon as you left your till. What if he physically attacked you??? The courts wouldn’t have found the store, and the customer liable if you weren’t wronged, no matter what the other employees say.
You should be thankful to have such a supportive family and pay it forward if and when the opportunity presents itself.” madsheeter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Standing up to liars, bullies, racists, and incompetent dillweeds by going through the proper channels IS exactly what you do in the real world.
Your coworker is a corporate-ass-kissing coward. Your supervisor got fired because they were unable to do their job. It happens. You are not responsible for supervising your supervisor…. p.s. way to hold your ground and refuse to apologize to the racist scammers.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. You won a court case–so the law was definitely on your side 2. your supervisor wasn’t doing their actual job–the reason they were fired, not for your actions but their lack of actions. PLUS WTH? Telling you to apologize for doing NOTHING wrong. (ps you did everything right as far as I can see in your recitation–you sought help.) 3.
you were bullied and threatened by this man and his wife.–if believed you could have been charged with theft. Man & WIFE blocked your path when you tried to remove yourself from the situation–that could count as a form of false imprisonment/unlawful restraint.?(Not a lawyer) INFO was this coworker one of the coworkers there that day who left you twisting in the wind when you asked for help and was being mistreated by these people?
If so, then it seems that at least one coworker resented you for some reason(your so-called privilege). PS good for you, for not allowing your employer to mistreat you/continue to mistreat you. Being willing to stand up for yourself is a good thing.” MountainMidnight9400
9. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Classmates With Coursework This Year?
“I (17M) am in my second year on a diploma course (Year 13 equivalent or Senior year for Americans) and am blankly refusing to help my classmates with their coursework this year, unlike last year.
Last year, I spent many extra hours helping some of my classmates with their coursework because they were struggling with the content or stressed in general. I was more than happy to offer my help to others when I had the energy to do so.
However, it became an everyday, every-task expectation for me to help everyone with their work, to the point the teachers would ask me to help another student while I was still mid-task. At the time, I considered the ones I was helping to be close friends of mine as they would come to me for advice on personal situations, hang out regularly, and had been referred to as their friend within the group many times.
However, over the summer I slipped badly into a depressive episode. I tried to reach out to friends but they were always ‘too busy’ to talk. There were a few instances where I had asked to meet up, they had said they were busy and then I would see pictures on social media of them all hanging out without me.
The only time anyone messaged me first over the summer was to ask for help on our summer task.
Before the first day of term this year, one of the individuals whom I helped probably the most last year messaged me to enquire about some college-specific events.
This was one of my ‘friends’ who didn’t bother to even respond to any of my messages over the summer. I replied back stating ‘Oh so I finally exist to people again?’. My classmate proceeded to say that we weren’t even close friends to begin with and they didn’t see why I couldn’t just answer a simple question.
This upset me because before summer I had used a lot of my energy helping them with personal issues on top of ‘dragging’ them to a passing grade (their words at the end of last year). I have come to realize over the summer that unless I am helping my classmates with their work they do not care for me in the slightest. I decided this year I wasn’t going to help anyone unless I knew they were genuinely not doing it without regard for me as a person.
In one of our theory lessons, a group asked to see my notes on the topics from the class (which we were all instructed to note down at the start of class). The individuals in this group weren’t particularly kind to me last year and mocked a lot of my autistic behaviors.
I told them no and to ‘get a grip’ and do their own work. The field we are studying for is highly competitive and requires strong personal organization skills so I didn’t perceive this as too rude, more directional, and advice if they want to do well.
However the more I keep refusing to help my classmates the more I am being called a jerk, rude, etc.
I feel like I’m treated like another teacher at this point or an unpaid tutor lol.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. They are counting on you to do the work for them so they can pass without having to put in much effort.
They are essentially expecting you not to put yourself first so they are able to graduate on time. You were absolutely right in the aspect that they don’t care about you unless you’re helping them with their work & it is very clear that they were using for their own personal gain.
You are not a robot, nor are you their personal servant. If they find offense to you putting yourself & your own goals first, then they were never good people to begin with.” Training-Donkey-7366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ People often will become accustomed to something, and then feel entitled to it.
But the fact they feel entitled to your help, your work, or your time does not make it true. You are well within your rights to refuse and keep refusing. If you want a way to defuse things a bit more gracefully, however, you could say that you’re no longer offering free tutoring, that your hourly rate is *something reasonably high but not entirely outrageous* and that any tutoring has to fit around your existing schedule.
Granted, you might get some takers (in which case…funds, so probably not a downside?) and people will probably still be jerks about it, but being able to tell people “I’m sorry you can’t afford me” with a straight face generally makes them feel more embarrassed than “do your own work” does.” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This gave me flashbacks. None of them are entitled to your notes or your time. I’d suggest you might think about charging them for tutoring if they don’t let up. (what I did) You are a student, not a teacher. Especially if you are going through a mental health issue, you should prioritize yourself and your happiness.
If you start struggling, you should reach out to your teachers or counselors for help or to validate the self-focus that you need for your own education and mental health. Though to play the devil’s advocate, depending on how you worded your refusal to help, it could have been seen as overly rude and antagonistic.
However, you are not completely wrong for being that way, due to how they have treated you like a free encyclopedia and whatever trigger you had for your depression. Lashing out is common for people who are going through stressful situations. However, sometimes it is best to reflect on those interactions to see if you would empathize with their initial reaction to your tone.” pjcameron
8. AITJ For Not Including My Fiancé's Sisters, Especially His Twin, In Our Wedding Party?
“My fiancé (25M) and I (22) are having problems with his family, and don’t know where to take it from here.
My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and are getting married next summer. We are paying for our wedding to avoid opinions.
My fiancé has a twin sister and 2 other older sisters. In an attempt to explain his dynamic with his mother quickly, my fiancé often refers to her jokingly as his “business partner” as their relationship is a bit cold.
I have previously had a great relationship with his parents.
It’s also important to understand our relationship with my fiancé’s twin sister. We have never been close due to some situations and personality traits. The vibe is very holier-than-thou. I will attempt to describe some of the many instances that describe my fiancé and my challenges with his twin.
While my fiancé and she attended the same college, she would take a nap and my fiancé would be expected to pick up her car, get her groceries, fill her car with gas, and then return it to her. She did not learn to pump her gas until she was 21.
She found out about some of my fiancé’s exciting new job opportunities and had her husband apply for all the same jobs in hopes that he would get them instead. She is now recently married with a baby.
Following our engagement, his family immediately started asking who was going to be at the wedding party.
We discussed including family and concluded that we both wanted each other to have whoever they wanted to be comfortable on our wedding day. I chose not to have his sisters as we were not close and he was on board.
Long story short, I have moved out of state and my fiancé’s family found out that the sisters, especially his twin, were not bridesmaids & were hysterical. His parents accused us of things such as making his twin cry so hard that she wasn’t sleeping and that we worsened her stomach condition to the point where she had to go to the hospital.
They met with their priest about us. His parents informed my fiancé that I was “showing my true colors,” would “control and manipulate him my whole life,” and that he should “think long and hard about this wedding.” They told us that “as long as his twin was happy, everyone was happy.” They informed my fiancé that he needed to “muscle up” to me and stand up for his sister.
Through all of this, my fiancé was heartbroken and furious at his family for talking about me in such a way and for treating us like this.
A lot came after this and I haven’t seen them in months, even when I come home to town.
Where we currently stand is that:
-Dad and fiancé are on speaking terms and though he hasn’t apologized but is now constantly telling my fiancé how much he loves me
-His mother and sister won’t talk to him or me
I have not seen or spoken to his parents or his twin since this and don’t know if I should suck it up and get seeing them over with before the wedding or not.
AITJ for creating this drama when we previously had a great relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, not theirs. However, you need to seriously consider if this family dynamic is something you are willing to deal with long term. It seems like the people showing their true colors are his family and you both (you and fiance) need to set some hard boundaries now.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no law that someone has to have all female bridesmaids and all male groomsmen, or that siblings are automatic in the wedding party. Times are changing and if the fiancé wanted his sisters or twin in the wedding he would have asked them to stand with him.
He didn’t so his family should only be mad at him (and if they were kind, rational adults, they would be mad at no one). I don’t see why either of you should have contact with any of them because they sound toxic and have made your fiancé, and now you, the scapegoat of the family.
I would instead encourage your fiancé to get therapy to help him heal from his birth family.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s never going to stop if your fiancé doesn’t stop it now. It sounds like MIL has put the girls first his whole life.
He was expected to serve them. Now he’s not and it’s probably the first time he’s ever pushed back on being their obedient servant. Good on him. You’re going to be his family once you get married, they will all move to extended family and should be very very distant family as they will continue to make every event of your lives about them.” Miranda
7. AITJ For Choosing My Wedding Date Despite My Sister's Objections?
“I (33F) am getting married soon. On January 1 of this year, I announced to my mother and sister (37F) the date of my wedding- 11/11. I wanted fall wedding leaves to be changing and to be cool outside. We chose November. With the holidays and whatnot, there were only 2 Saturdays in November that made sense.
My fiancé chose the 11th because it’s indicative of our relationship anniversary. So it was decided, 11/11. I announce the date to my family. My sis became upset.
1. Her favorite band sings a song that’s called 11:11, so she has it tattooed on her.
2. She was engaged to some guy like 15 years ago.
They didn’t get married, but they were supposed to get married on 11/11 (I had completely forgotten).
3. It’s a week before her wedding anniversary. She was upset because 11/11 is “her thing”, and it felt like a slap in the face that I would get married a week before she did, years ago.
My sis and I have a tumultuous relationship. The last fight we got into was on my birthday 2 years ago. We had discussed having a family dinner. I ended up inviting some friends. My fiancé wanted it to be special and about 10-12 people ended up being there.
Sister was upset. If she had known there were going to be other people there, she wouldn’t have come because she didn’t feel well. I told her she was never obligated to come and I didn’t think I needed to make her aware of the guest list. Anyway, we ended up not talking for a while but because my sister is stubborn (she has never apologized, and doesn’t take the blame) I eventually just let it go, to appease my mother.
So, when I found out she was upset about the date I chose for my wedding, I wasn’t having it.
I worked hard the last several years to establish boundaries with family and friends, and to not be steamrolled. I was hurt my sister made my wedding about her.
She told me that I had taken “her thing” and as a result, she wasn’t going to be in the country for my wedding (she booked a trip). It’s now been 10 months. She and I have had limited interaction. My mom says to start the conversation with my sister and to let things go because “we all know how your sister can be”.
Mom said I should have ASKED my sis first if it was ok to choose that day, and I could have approached the subject delicately. This was mind-blowing to me because my mother and I had to walk on eggshells with my sister. Over the year they’ve discussed how I could have done things differently, or why it couldn’t have been this day or that day.
My wedding is 2 weeks away and my sis and I haven’t talked. I didn’t send her an invite because she has not apologized and already said she wouldn’t be going. I see no reason to have to initiate the conversation like always, strengthening the pattern of letting her get her way.
It has been heartbreaking to not have my sis there for my activities, and it hurts to know that her pride got in the way of spending time with me. But for once in my life I want to stand strong and say I deserve better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But what is your mum going to do? She favors stompy sister. Is she going to ruin your wedding too? She’s already doing a good job in the run-up to it. Who are all the people giving you grief? I would be having thoughts about how involved I would want them in my life going forward.
Sorry, your wedding is being marred like this.” CarefulNow-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Mom kinda is, though. I hope she doesn’t make your actual wedding day all about the absence of your sister and what you should have done to have her there. At the first sign of such shenanigans, have someone from the wedding party assigned to escort her away from you until she stops.” GeekyStitcher
Another User Comments:
“Well, you see, it’s my husband’s birthday AND my brother’s wedding anniversary that day, so not only can you get married, but your sister’s claim to the day is also now invalid, so….. but yeah, absolute NTJ. If she’s still that worked up about a failed engagement 15 years ago, sounds like a problem for her and her actual husband to work through.” Wine-and-Anxiety
6. AITJ For Threatening To Move My Grandma From Her Assisted Living Facility Over Neglect?
“My grandmother (87) was diagnosed with dementia around January of this year.
At that point, she was still driving and living a relatively normal life, but things progressed very quickly.
We decided to move her into assisted living in August while she was still fairly coherent as she had started to have falls and struggle with things like showering and occasionally eating and my mom could not lift her alone if my dad was at work and she fell.
At first, it seemed okay. They took her to a lot of activities, she mostly went to things in a wheelchair. There were a few minor things but we know how overworked the staff was so we just overlooked them.
In the past month, her disease has progressed. She is nonverbal most of the time except for the word no (which sometimes means yes), is mostly in the wheelchair, requires assistance getting to bed, and needs help showering as she has forgotten how to, and has forgotten how to use a fork and knife.
The facility has levels of care. Level zero is someone who needs zero assistance, while level four is someone who needs complete care such as a lift into bed, on hospice, etc. She is currently at level one. We do not mind paying more if needed.
She is supposed to get three showers a week on a schedule. This has never happened since she has been there and we have had several meetings with them where they say they will make sure she gets her shower. My mom has often just driven to shower her.
She is incontinent and should not have to sit in that, but they often do not change her except once a day. Her linens have been soiled and unchanged. We have cameras in her room which the staff knows about.
We requested that they give her more finger foods to eat as she can still pick up things just not use a fork or a knife.
If she has things that require forks she has to be fed or she won’t eat. Numerous times we have seen her get complicated food and no one stays to help her. A few times they have stayed to feed her, but some of those were because my mom checked the camera and called to get someone to help her.
Yesterday while my mom was there they brought her a meatball and mashed potatoes and left, so my mom fed her.
We have also caught them lying to a doctor about what her blood oxygen was – it was 87 (on a finger pulse thing but still) and they told the doctor it was 93.
Again, we know how overworked and underpaid the staff is. And some truly wonderful girls work there. I do not blame them and don’t want to be “that family”. I blame the facility for not providing enough resources. Would I be the jerk to nicely but firmly tell them that if she doesn’t receive some of these things, we will go elsewhere?
Am I overreacting and is this just how assisted living is?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t care if you go elsewhere. I found when my mother was in such care was to be extra nice to the help. Find one or two helpers that are kind and caring.
Then spoil them. Give high praise, and tell their boss. Little treats and gifts of appreciation. They will start looking out for Grandma. It is also best to be there daily at different times. This way you can advocate for grandma if she needs something.
Also if there is a choice of eating in the room or the dining hall have her in the dining hall. That is where all the helpers are during meal times.” redditavenger2019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unfortunately unless the family is very involved the care in some elder homes can be subpar.
I think you have to keep being loud and vocal in your concerns so they know you are not going to accept your grandmother not being bathed or changed, etc. There must be a governing board you can file complaints with. I don’t know how you go about finding out which facilities are better; I wish I could help.” copy
Another User Comments:
“Before yelling, you could point out several of the problems and suggest that maybe level 1 is not the appropriate level for her anymore. The disease is progressing quickly–it did with my mom, too. Likely they have different staff and scheduling assigned to different levels.
If the range is 0-4, the care you describe her needing seems like more than a 1 to me. It does seem like they’re dropping the ball, but I also know the staffing shortages are real. Families have to advocate pretty constantly. I know firsthand how hard it is to watch a loved one disappear in the fog of this disease, and when it moves fast it can be really hard to keep emotions in check.
I would get a checklist of what specifically is included in the care for each level. Then you can hold them accountable for what you’re paying for. Don’t go by what they say so much as what the level provides. That’s actionable. And if it looks like the care offered at higher levels is what she needs, advocate for that change.
Yelling likely won’t make the situation better, but strongly advocating for her holding them to the details of her level, and making any changes as necessary will likely make everybody’s days a little bit easier. And if it’s promised and she’s not getting that care, go up the management chain until you get some action.” Anfyral
5. AITJ For Not Speaking To My Sisters After They Criticized My Coping Mechanisms During Our Dad's Illness?
“My dad (66M) got diagnosed with cancer and was in hospital for two months with a lot of complications. (He is thankfully now home, cancer-free, and doing so much better!) I flew home to be with my family but was not dealing with it very well.
It was extremely difficult to see my dad struggling every day and not being able to do anything to change things. I felt weak, helpless, and not strong enough to be there for him like how I wanted to be. I openly spoke to my twin sisters about how I was feeling and they reassured me that everyone deals with these things in different ways and that it was okay.
A couple of weeks later when things got really hard everyone was very worried and stressed, I felt like my sisters took it out on me. They said that I didn’t care about my dad that he deserves a better daughter than me, and that even he was laughing about how I was coping with the situation and that it is just so predictable of me.
They also multiple times told me to go back home to where I live as I was not being helped at all (even though I was helping whenever I could, especially around the house to support my mum) and that they didn’t have the mental capacity to be around me which I can understand, but it was said with a very malicious and aggressive tone.
I felt like they took my insecurities and threw them right back in my face knowing how I was feeling. I understand it was a stressful situation and things were very hard on everyone and maybe they didn’t mean to say that.. but they didn’t treat each other like that or say those things to each other.
They also never said anything like that to anyone else. I feel you don’t just say things like that to your siblings that you supposedly love and care for, especially during difficult times like this no matter how differently we were dealing with things.
When an apology was made, it was never an acknowledgment of what they said, it was always condescendingly “I’m sorry you took it that way and you’re too emotional and too sensitive”. I got so angry and fed up with the things they said and the way they made me feel so I decided not to speak to them because their words were always at the back of my mind.
I am not not talking to to them to be malicious, but to protect myself.
My parents view things differently, and are shouting at me on call telling me to fix things and sending me messages like “We just want our family back together”. They say that my sisters already apologized and that I was being stubborn for not talking to them.
They are also saying that I should be the bigger person because I’m the oldest and just forgive and forget but I just can’t let this one go and I am still hurt. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do you have to be the “bigger person” when they are the ones who were clearly in the wrong?
If they are always like this with you, I don’t blame you for wanting to stay away from that. Your mental health takes precedence over someone else’s feelings. They sound exhausting to be around.” Dammit_Mr_Noodle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ after receiving I N F O: “as I’m not being help at all and that they didn’t have the mental capacity to be around me which I can understand.” This sounds like despite complicated emotions with the situation, your sister helped your parents, and you flying in but not helping simply increased the stress on everyone.
“I feel you don’t just say things like that to your siblings that you supposedly love and care for, especially during difficult times like this no matter how differently we were dealing with things.” How exactly were you dealing with? Your entire post is about your difficulty coping with your dad’s diagnosis, how were your dad, your mom, and your sisters?
Depending on these answers a vote can wildly change” issy_haatin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ‘be the bigger person’ and ‘do it for the family’ is code for ‘we know we can’t make the bullies do the right thing so we expect you to smooth things over’…even if you’re right and they’re wrong.
You’re back home, tell your folks you’re more than happy to talk with them, as long as it’s about anything other than you and your sisters. You are cutting contact with your toxic sisters until they come to you with a sincere apology for their behavior.
And if they cross that boundary, term then they can go in a time out as well. Sounds like you deserve a break from them” Bananas4skail
4. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Fiancé's Aunt Funds For Bail And Legal Fees?
“In July, while we were having a 1-month break, I (22F) discovered that I was pregnant with my fiance’s (24M) child. We first told my fiance’s entire family that I was pregnant with his child then mine. However, ever since then, his aunt has been begging us for funds.
Since he was afraid that he might make some bad financial choices, my fiancé and I made an agreement that he would transfer half of his monthly income into my bank account. He even said to split it and use half of what he’s giving for myself on anything I might want or need. The other half was to be invested in the baby.
Note: he’s been supporting his grandmother as well. Even though he inherited her house after her death, he still has to pay rent and give her funds for groceries. He also plans on having her car fully repaired, the car belonged to his grandfather before he passed on.
He’s even been paying to have a house built for his mother and her partner, at the end of the day, he barely has funds for himself.
His uncle worked for the same company, so he knows exactly when my fiancé gets paid and how much he earns per month.
Last month, the uncle was framed for stealing a lot of funds from the company and was taken to prison. The aunt knew it wasn’t true and begged my fiancé to give her funds to make bail. Since my fiancé had already made most of his payments, he had no choice but to ask me for the funds, since that’s where the other half went.
I didn’t take it lightly and told him it was a tough decision to make since I’d have to take funds from both myself and the baby. I told him that his aunt should’ve been a bit more considerate about the predicament that we’re in as well and that raising a person is very costly nowadays.
He promised me that she would pay us back by the end of that week so I, reluctantly, gave in and sent him the funds. She never paid us back. They made bail and needed funds for a lawyer. We gave them the funds, however, instead of consulting with his new lawyer, the uncle chose to stay home and sleep the entire day through.
Now that my fiancé recently got paid, once again we were asked to help them out. Even though it’s not exactly my funds, I felt like it was being wasted and that it would’ve been better spent buying baby clothes, blankets, and diapers. So when my fiancé showed me the message his aunt sent I told him to tell her that I’m the one who says that he shouldn’t give the funds, because we need all we can get for this baby.
I may not have said it in a light tone, but I felt like I had to demonstrate how I was feeling about the situation. My fiancé doesn’t disagree with me, because he doesn’t like giving his funds to them since they’ve always drank away whatever he gave them in the past. I can’t help but feel guilty.
They’re good people and deserve a happy life, but I can’t help but put my child’s needs first.
AITJ for reacting this way?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This situation is a mess. Your finance should be deciding what to do with his funds and not sending it to you.
If he’s old enough to get married and have a baby, he should be old enough to make these decisions himself. If he lives with his grandmother, he SHOULD be helping to support that household. And it sounds like you could benefit from getting a job and helping to save for your baby’s items.” crystallz2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you helped them with bail, also helped them arrange a lawyer but the uncle didn’t wanna do anything so why should you keep giving them funds? You need to save for yourself and the baby” kageyama1009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t matter what for, they said they’d pay it back and they didn’t.
Therefore they are not trustworthy. You do get a say in this because you two are a family and it is family funds.” liters
3. AITJ For Blocking My Childhood Friend Who Ghosted Me For A Year?
“This happened a few years back. I (29M) had this childhood friend (29M) I’d known for over 15 years. The thing is, he’d often just vanish and act like it was no big deal. We had our history and we considered each other very close friends – he lived abroad for a chunk of those years as well, but we managed to stay in touch once in a while.
Then he came back to the States, but life wasn’t too kind to him. He seemed to be battling depression, which held him back from getting anywhere in life.
So, there was a time when he needed a place to crash, no job, and no way to afford living on his own.
I pulled some strings and got my folks to let him stay in one of their spare rooms. We spent loads of time together, and our friendship felt pretty tight, almost like brothers. At least, that’s how I saw it, and I’m pretty sure he felt the same way.
Fast forward a few months, and he was finally able to move in with a family member. He got all sentimental when leaving, shedding a few tears.
We continued to keep in touch through Discord and other online stuff. But out of the blue, he ghosted me for over a year.
At first, he’d reply and chat with me for a few weeks, but then, radio silence for an entire year. That got to me because I had no clue what was going on. It was either A: something happened to him, or B: I screwed up and didn’t even know it.
What got me scratching my head was that this guy was basically in front of a computer 24/7 with Discord open at all times. It’s hard to believe he didn’t see my messages, so it seemed like he was actively choosing not to read them.
So after a year of waiting for that one message that never came, I got fed up.
I told him that no real friend should be treated like that, and I blocked him on the platforms we used to talk on, just to ease my anxiety. Am I the jerk for implying he’s a bad friend and then blocking him?
Then, I found out from a mutual friend that he “couldn’t” respond to my messages because of his new job, which had him working 40+ hours a week.
But that just didn’t add up. All he had to do was tell me about the job, and I’d have understood if he was too tired to chat. The ghosting began before he even got that job, otherwise, I would have known about it. It’s been a while, and he still has my phone number and ways to reach me, but he’s never bothered to reach out, except for that one Discord message I blocked. Sometimes, I think back on all of it, and it’s just a jumble of feelings – it’s frustrating, confusing, and yeah, it makes me pretty mad.
I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m not the one to blame here, but there are still some nagging doubts in the back of my mind. If you truly thought of me as a close friend, why would you so easily ignore me for that length of time and then rationalize why it was done?
How hard is “Hey, I’m starting a new job & will be busy” versus not even thinking to open a single message from me for a year straight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I ditched a couple of friends this year who took weeks to respond to any texts.
I figured I had probably annoyed or bothered them somehow, (I am high-functioning autistic) but were too nonconfrontational to tell me. I didn’t need the anxiety in my life and just realized it wasn’t worth it.” Raging_Dragon_9999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, had a tight mate’s partner be unfaithful with another guy and then just stop talking to me, I tried for months to find out if he was OK or needed a friend to get resounding radio silence.
Clear your head of them they are not worth your time or stress, a 40-hour week is a nonsense excuse as well it wouldn’t be a 7-day-a-week job and even if it is 40 hours over 7 days is not excessive enough to be unable to say hi” assistance_required1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your friend struggles with depression, which he may be dealing with now… when I was depressed I didn’t reach out to anyone, and when I did it wasn’t all that enthusiastic. Depression is a pain to deal with! I upset a lot of my family and friends because they don’t understand how debilitating it can be.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone I love and care about.” Abaddon-5013
2. AITJ For Booking A Hotel For My Mom's Visit Instead Of Her Staying At My Apartment?
“My mom (55f) and I (29f) made plans for her to come visit me for our birthdays (they are only a few days apart).
She wanted to come yesterday so that she would be here on my “birthday eve” but I wasn’t feeling the best and asked her if she could come on Friday night or Saturday morning instead. I also told her — and have many times before — to please give me at least a day’s heads up before visiting.
There have been times when I did not expect her and all of a sudden she would call and tell me that she was almost at my apartment.
So I waited for her text or call yesterday and last night and throughout today and there was nothing.
I was about to call her on my way home after work to confirm that she would be coming on Saturday morning when she told me that she would be arriving within an hour. I have not cleaned or tidied up and I am stressed out.
My apartment is a mess. I tried to deep clean (so EVERYTHING is out) but didn’t time it out well because I started new medication a day after that makes me super tired. I can only go to work, make sure I eat one meal, and then I pass out.
I eventually decided to book a hotel room for us because I was not ready to have a guest in my apartment. I told her this and she told me that “she will just go home”. I told her that I still wanted to see her and that it was a nice hotel near one of our favorite restaurants.
She told me I was cruel and kept saying “How could you?” I tried to tell her what was going on on my end, but she kept telling me that I was treating her like a stranger by needing her to tell me that she was coming to see me.
She finally said that she was going to just stay with a friend and go home the next day. I kept telling her that I wanted to see her and spend time with her, but she said that I had disappointed her and that she didn’t want to stay with me if it wasn’t in my apartment.
I finally said OK and hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would consider some sort of therapy to unpick this relationship though as it’s not healthy. She sees you as a sort of emotional crutch. What mother calls their child cruel? Because you booked a hotel and a nice restaurant?!
She’s very emotionally demanding. And frankly manipulative. Saying she won’t see you now because she didn’t get her way. Presumably, that means she won’t see you for your birthday too?” CarefulNow-
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. You had a day’s heads up, you told her to come on Friday night or Saturday AM.
You knew she was either coming right before or right after you slept on Friday night. You knew you had to tidy up and be ready and do whatever else you felt like you needed to do. That was the notice. However, all her responses after that were highly suspect as well, so I can’t give her a pass by any means.” AdamOnFirst
1. AITJ For Letting My Dog Poop In Neighbor's Yard Even Though I Pick It Up?
“I (39M) have a 4F Amer Staffie who is a girl of habit. 6 pm is walk time, period.
We stroll for about 30 min through our neighborhood. We rarely go towards the cul de sac as it’s a dead end.
Our neighborhood is newer to the point that they’re still building some houses.
The biggest negative is there are no sidewalks. We walk on the asphalt and she walks onto the grass to sniff and do her business if needed.
Today, I took the doggo out like usual. There is some construction happening on the cul de sac.
She’s much more interested in starting that way rather than going straight to the street that leads into the subdivision as she likes to sniff the loose dirt.
We pass the construction and she immediately goes into poop stance at the edge of the grass of the house next to the construction.
I immediately start unraveling a bag from the holder hanging on the leash.
Doggo’s mid poop, I’m trying to find the stupid perforation on the bag, and I hear someone yell: “Don’t let your dog mess in my yard!”
For a second I thought ‘That’s gotta be a joke, right?’
I look up and there’s a man in his 60s standing to the side of the house holding a small dog. I’ve never seen or spoken to this guy before.
Me: “Oh, I’m already trying to get the bag to pick it up…”
Him: “That doesn’t matter.
Tell it not to poop there.”
Me: “I… can’t control where she poops. I apologize, I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
I’m already picking it up.
Him: “It IS a big deal. It bothers EVERYONE. Why do you think there are the ‘Keep off the grass.’ signs?”
Me: “Um, the builder puts them up so people don’t park cars on there until the grass starts growing? Anyway, I don’t know what to tell you other than it won’t happen again.”
He then called me a jerk as he walked away.
I told my partner about it when I got home and they said they’ve never had an issue.
I asked my mom about it as she’s a real estate agent in the state I live in and helped us buy the house.
She stated from what the builders told her, I was right about the signs. She also let me know that ~4 feet of the grass and concrete at the edge of each house are the homeowner’s to maintain but belong to the city (I did not know this).
She said as long as I picked it all up, I was on public property and did nothing wrong.
I’m planning on avoiding that house in the future but now I’m wondering if there’s some rule about not letting dogs poop in people’s yards and this guy had any justification.
We’ve lived here 14 months and this has never been an issue before with anyone after 400+ walks.
So, AITJ for letting my dog poop in random yards even though I pick it up?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t like when people take their dogs for walks so they can poop/pee on someone else’s lawn.
Why can’t you let your dog poop on your lawn? You can still take them for a walk after they poop on your property. I’m glad you pick up after your dog, that is the bare minimum a pet owner should do. The residual poop and all of the pee destroys the vegetation and leaves a scent that encourages other dogs to use the same spot.
Just use your lawn as a toilet, not your neighbors.” No-Satisfaction-3897
Another User Comments:
“Stop letting your dog into people’s yards omg. Only walk your dog on the sidewalk. His yelling at you doesn’t even matter to the story. You’re mad you let your dog walk into his lawn and poop and he yelled about it?
Girl I would’ve yelled at you too. Why are you on his property? Dog pee and poop is gross, you might pick it up, but it leaves residue. People have kids& walk barefoot on their grass. No one wants dookie particles on their feet, their kids, toys, etcetera.
Like?? Just accept YTJ, you got yelled at for a valid reason. Stop walking your dog in people’s yards!!! Go to a dog park, walk only on the sidewalk?” Icy_Bullfrog_6671
Another User Comments:
“NTJ All these people utterly obsessed with the idea of a “lawn”… You picked up the poop.
You apologized and moved on. You are in no way the jerk. You’re taking your dog for a walk, in the outside, but “that” outside is forbidden more than the “other” outside? Even though there’s no sign or fence to dictate so? I dunno it’s all ridiculous to me.
Wild animals will move around on everyone’s property and mess wherever they like. It’s not like these neurotic humans can completely dictate all foreign matters that may or may not enter their yard. It’s a dog mess. It was picked up. Whatever residue will return to the earth, and likely provide some much-needed nutrients for the lawn-starved earth.
Certainly, avoid this malcontent from now on. He’s not worth your energy. Though I’m sorry your normal walk has been disrupted by absurdity… Hold your head high and don’t bother your dog when they’re pooping. There’s already enough chaos in the world.” theultimasheep
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