People Are Prepared To Get Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories Criticized
22. AITJ For Missing My Daughter's Solo Performance Because Of Her Baby Sister?
“I have 2 children with my ex-husband, ‘Will’, ‘Penelope’ (12F) and ‘Jonny’ (10M). A few years ago, I remarried ‘Chris’. We have a 6-month-old baby girl together, ‘Lyla’. Penelope and Jonny live primarily with their father as he’s closer to their school.
They come to us on the weekends.
Penelope is in the theater program at her school. I missed the fall shows because I was in labor and then had a newborn. Penelope understood as best a preteen girl can.
Her spring show opened last week.
Chris and Lyla came with me. Will, Jonny, and Will’s wife ‘Ariana’ were already there. Will saw I brought Lyla and got a weird look about him but Ariana hushed him and said ‘Just let it go’.
Lyla slept through the first half.
A little before intermission, she awoke and was fussy. I began rocking her and trying to calm her while also watching the play. I got a few dirty looks from parents around me. I gave them a ‘what can you do’ shrug, as it’s a baby.
At intermission, Will suggested Chris take Lyla home. I said she should sleep during the second half and Chris said he wanted to watch the performance. Will started getting upset but again, Ariana had him walk away.
Lyla did fall asleep again.
But halfway through Act II, woke up and started screaming. It was loud enough this time that it did catch the performers off guard. I quickly went into the lobby with Lyla. When I tried to go back in once she calmed down, the usher wouldn’t let me, saying once a person leaves, they’re not allowed in to prevent interruptions.
Meaning, I missed Penelope’s solo.
Penelope refused to see me after the show nor accept the flowers we bought for her. I watched her leave with Ariana, who was consoling her. Will met me in the parking lot. He was mad.
He said I never should’ve brought Lyla, pointing out he and Ariana got a sitter for their young child. I said I didn’t want to leave Lyla and felt it was good we all supported her. After missing the fall show, I wanted to be there for my daughter.
I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world. He gave me a disgusted look and walks away.
Penelope hasn’t answered my calls or text. This weekend, she refused to come over.
Chris thinks we were in the right, but my parents are just as mad and called me a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That was not an appropriate place to bring a baby, so you should have gotten a sitter.
Lyla didn’t know what was going on and certainly wasn’t supporting her sister.
And if you were going to insist on bringing her, Chris should have held her and been prepared to step out if she got fussy so that you didn’t miss any part of Penelope’s performance.
You sent a loud and clear message that your new family with Chris is more important than your older children.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, Lyla is a baby and can’t support anyone. You, however, are Penelope’s mother and should do whatever you can to appropriately support her.
Such as having the foresight to get a babysitter, or having your husband take charge of the screaming baby.
Second, it’s just awful that you’ve dismissed something so clearly important to Penelope as ‘just a middle school performance.’ At 12, a solo performance is likely one of the biggest moments of her life so far, and you ruined it.” heartbrekker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 100% No one comes to a play to hear someone else’s baby cry. You disrespected the efforts of the performers, disrupted the show, missed your daughter’s solo, upset the other parents around you, upset the people you are meant to be co-parenting with, likely upset your own baby, etc.
Why would your daughter need or want the support of an infant who obviously would have no clue what’s going on? That’s nonsense you are telling yourself. You could have come alone. You could have gotten a sitter. You put your own feelings over your daughter, the work of the performers, and the other families who you interrupted there to see their own kids.
I wouldn’t come over anymore if I was your daughter. What’s the point? You’ve proven exactly who and what your priorities are.” Sad-Leopards
21. AITJ For Not Saying "Hi" Back To A Stranger?
“I (17f) went with my mom to get groceries today and my mom was somewhere else in the store and I was looking for baking supplies. I was alone in that section and then this random guy walks past me saying ‘Hi there’ and I just kind of ignored him because I was caught off guard.
I don’t know if it’s just me but like I find it kind of weird to just say hi to some random stranger in the store you don’t know.
Anyway then he comes back and I got kind of scared, he says ‘it’s not that difficult to say hi back’ and I was like ‘Sorry I wasn’t expecting someone to say hi out of nowhere’ and he says ‘Well I’m sorry for trying to be friendly’ and I just said ‘ok bye’ and I walked away.
It was such a strange interaction but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wasn’t trying to be friendly. He wanted attention from the pretty young girl and when he didn’t get it, he came back to ensure that you understood your place in the social order below him.
Because he put a nickel in the nice guy slot, you must vend nice attention back to him. This is creepy behavior. You were in danger and did well to leave quickly. You are not his inferior, but if you don’t act like it, he will feel justified to attack you.
A true friend guy says hi with no expectation back.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no obligation to talk to strangers, to reply to strangers, or to pay attention to strangers. He tried to guilt you into talking to him.
You weren’t the jerk at all. You can just ignore people you don’t want to interact with. There is no obligation for you to talk to random people who come up to you in public. Keep yourself safe and have a plan for when it happens again because it will.
I’ve been stalked and followed home by random men who approached me in the store or at the bus stop or what have you.
Not all strangers are dangerous, but we have no way of knowing which ones are. There is a very big difference between someone just saying ‘hello’ or acknowledging the existence of a fellow human as they pass by, to someone like this guy who was trying to force an interaction.
I nod to random strangers on my walk to work if they make eye contact with me, and people often do, in a normal and non-threatening way. It’s very different to stopping them and forcing them to interact with me, which is what this guy was doing.” DesignedPax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You absolutely do not need to speak to a random stranger. Even acknowledging them then opens you up to them wanting to converse. He tried anyone with his sulky retort.
You felt afraid – you shouldn’t HAVE TO FEEL AFRAID.
Whenever possible trust your instincts. Women are taught to ignore their instincts for the sake of civility, for being polite, and not making waves.
Make waves, be uncivil, be actively impolite. Do not give in to societal pressure to conform for the sake of others (and for men’s poor hurt feelings because you didn’t drool over their generous bestowal of a greeting).” Blacksmithforge3241
20. AITJ For Not Paying For My Coworker's Damaged Phone?
“I (50M) work in a fast-paced kitchen and we have been short-staffed for a few weeks.
Today, I pulled down a pot from a shelf above my head, put it in the sink, and started running water in it. Almost immediately, I realized there was a phone in the pot and pulled it out, and started drying it with a towel.
My coworker (37F) went off on me saying I should have looked in the pot before filling it and that I need to pay her $1500 because I ruined her phone. I refused because no reasonable person would put a phone in a frequently used pot in a busy kitchen, and as a reasonable person, I should not expect to find one in there.
And she should have insurance on a phone that expensive, so it’s on her.
Some of our coworkers say since I’m the one who ruined it, I should at least offer to pay half so my coworker isn’t out the full replacement cost, so now I’m questioning whether I should take at least part of the responsibility even though she put her phone in the pot without letting anyone know it was there and I was focused on doing my job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, who puts a phone in a pot up on a shelf? To me, this seems like she put it there on purpose hoping this would happen so she can get a new phone off of someone’s guilt.
And if she put it in there for some other reason thinking it wouldn’t get damaged in a busy kitchen she should pay for her own consequences. She needs to get a cheaper phone if she needs one anyways and is this irresponsible with her stuff.” Gold-Curse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Obviously don’t put phones in cookware. That’s just basic. Unhygienic kitchen practices in a kitchen are peak ew…
Also, look in the cookware before you use it, please. Like obviously you assume whoever was on cleanup did their job.
But look, then fill. Cause also a cursory glance will tell you if something is in it or on it that shouldn’t be… Especially given you work in a place where your coworkers put phones in cookware. I wouldn’t be trusting whoever did the cleaning shifts.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who in their right mind puts a phone in a pot? Whether in a busy kitchen or not, that’s not a good place for a phone. And for anyone to say you need to replace it or offer to is ludicrous.
If she, I don’t know, had her phone in her pocket, her purse, and her car she wouldn’t be having an issue. It’s her own stupid fault she put it in a POT in a KITCHEN. Besides that phone is more than likely water resistant and she’s just blowing things out of proportion.” Rude_Cook_8067
19. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Disclosing Personal Stories To Her Friends?
“I (15F) have told my mother (45F) a lot about what has happened in my personal life, and share things about my body with her. Not expecting her to think it’s everyone’s business about what I tell her.
My brother (17M) and I had gone out one night and go into some trouble. (not gonna share details) So the morning after what had happened I decided to tell my mom because I felt guilty. I specifically told her not to tell anyone.
Fast forward about 3 days later. My inbox is getting blown up. So obviously I check and see who and why are these people texting me. Sure enough, it’s most of my mom’s friends and their children. They’re asking why I and my brother did that calling us a bunch of horrible names, etc. Mind you her friends are 40+ saying all this stuff about 15 and 17-year-olds.
So I politely ask my mom why she did that. Then she starts yelling telling me I’m overreacting, calling me names, etc. I asked her how does she expect me to trust her when she always tells her friends everything about me.
She says it’s her life and her decisions on what she does and that I don’t run her life. AITA?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s right. You don’t control her decisions. You DO control what information you share with her.
From here on out, share nothing. I mean not a single thing. If she asks how your day went, shrug your shoulders. If she asks what the weather is like, tell her to look out the window or step outside.
She can’t share what she doesn’t know. If she notices you’re not sharing anything and asks why, say ‘I trusted you. You betrayed that trust. I no longer trust you.’ That’s all the information she gets from you.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but wait until she says something personal about herself and post it because what she did kinda damaged your reputation and there are some people whom you will be facing in your everyday life who are also exposed to that info, it’s also risking you to make another friend circle but you’ll always have the fear of someone just blasting that info about you each time you come across these people.
She didn’t just give you temporary stress to deal with, you were vulnerable then and told her everything and learned the lesson not to trust her the hard way.” Antique_Cranberry_34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to realize your mom is unreliable and just not tell her things anymore.
Talk about the weather, but that’s about it. If she spreads your info around in the future, it’s on you for telling her. Draw some boundaries, and as hard as it is, keep them. This will save you in the long run because there is nothing you can do to make your mom a better person.” DismayedDoctor
18. AITJ For Not Looking For My Partner During A Concert?
“I (27F) have been waiting to see a music group since before 2020. They were coming to my city, so I decided to book a ticket.
I sent my partner (29M) a link to the band’s Spotify page telling him I was going and asking if he would like to come.
In the message, I explicitly stated that I was happy to go alone (he knows I go to many concerts alone). I was not asking him to accompany me. He replied straight away saying he might as well, so I knew he hadn’t had time to listen to the band’s music yet, but I just thought he was coming for the vibes.
I bought 2 tickets at 25€ and I didn’t charge him, by the way.
On the day of the concert, we agree to meet for a drink at 7 pm. The concert started at 8 pm, the band and venue were small, so I was sure they would start on time, without any support acts.
Another thing for context; I had a really heavy camping bag with me due to a miscommunication between 2 friends, don’t have the word count to get into it.
At 7 pm I haven’t heard back from my partner about a meeting place and have tried calling him multiple times, at 7.40 I get a message from him saying he fell asleep and he is going to get a taxi.
Unfortunately, the city center had a lot of redirects of traffic that night so he was still 2 miles away at 7.55.
Here is where I might be the jerk, at 7.55 I sent him his ticket and told him I would meet him in the venue.
I knew from his response that this upset him but I had wanted to see this band for over 4 years so didn’t want to miss anything.
Once in the venue I found a good spot, put the massive camping bag down, and tried to send my partner a text with my location, only to find there was no signal. I couldn’t look for him in the dense crowd with the camping bag, so I hoped he would find me.
He did during the last song but it was clear he was mad. I asked him what was wrong and he asked me if I even tried to look for him inside, to which I honestly answered no. He got super mad and started saying that he only came to the concert for me, that I made no effort to show him the music beforehand, and that I had ruined his evening.
I tried telling him that I thought it was just unlucky circumstances, but he kept saying that he only went to the concert for me and I had ruined his night by not waiting for him when he was going out of his way for me.
I went back to our messages and read aloud our conversation, which said no pressure to come, a link to their Spotify page, and the time and date of the concert cause I was annoyed at how untrue his accusations were.
He didn’t acknowledge anything I said and instead said that I just wanted to win the argument. I feel beyond frustrated as I literally don’t see what I could have done in this situation other than miss the concert, which I don’t feel is a fair expectation from him.
Also if the situation had been in reverse and I was about to delay my partner from entering a concert that I knew he had wanted to see for over 4 years, I would have told them to send me the ticket and go enjoy himself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This wasn’t about ‘winning’ the argument, it’s about you defending from delusion.
He agreed before listening to their music and then said you made no effort to show him their music – He has his own two ears he can use to check it out.
He knew you were down to go on your own and then says he only went for you as if you forced him.
He said YOU ruined his night when HE was the one who fell asleep in the early evening without setting an alarm and leaving on time.” weirdokate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this wasn’t about you trying to ‘win’ an argument. It was you stating the facts to him because he was gaslighting you. He knew how much this band meant to you. He was the one that decided to take a nap.
He could have set alarms. He knew he had to be somewhere at 7 pm to meet you. You didn’t ruin his night. He ruins his night by not properly preparing.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he didn’t want to go he could’ve said it and stayed his negative butt at home!
His acting like he did you a favor by going is hilarious. Why would you give up your good spot to look for his late butt? You were communicating through text with him and informed him where you were. Sounds like he wanted to ruin your good time next time leave the wet blanket at home go by yourself or with a friend who actually wants to go.” Silent_Syd241
17. AITJ Not Picking Up My Partner From The Airport?
“My partner (26M) & I (25F) have been together for almost 5 years (we currently live together) & in that time I’ve gone on several work trips. I’ve always asked him if he can take me to the airport if it’s a reasonable time but I’ve never asked him to pick me up because I’d get back incredibly late.
I’ve always managed to find a way there & back.
I’m an esthetician so I work long hours & it’s manual labor that is draining my body & emotions & because of this I need at least 8 hours of sleep every night to be able to perform my job.
I understand not everyone needs a lot of sleep to be productive but I do.
My partner’s flight is leaving at 5:45 on Sunday morning & gets back at 11 on Thursday night. He didn’t ask me if I could take him & pick him up, instead, he told me the times & expected me to.
I said I’d be willing to take him to the airport because I don’t work Sunday or Monday so I’d be able to catch up on sleep. However, I told him I wouldn’t pick him up because I’ll be in bed before 10.
He got upset & explained how he has to work Friday too & won’t be getting a lot of sleep either so it’s not that big of a deal for me to not get my 8 hours of sleep, if he can do it so can I.
I said no, I explained how he never even asked me if I could & shouldn’t get mad at me for saying no to something I was never asked to do.
He said it was a bigger ask to take him to the airport than to pick him up based on the times.
I told him he could take an Uber home but he complained that would be expensive so he then offered to pay me to pick him up. I still said no unless he can pay me for several hours of sleep I’ll be missing.
He said he’ll have to figure it out then because I’m being difficult & the conversation ended there. So… AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner has emotional baggage. Most likely, he feels entitled to other services from you that you haven’t found out about yet.
Treat this as a red flag.
Ideally, he should have asked, ‘Would you please’ and be okay with hearing ‘no.’
Second best, he should have heard, ‘Sorry, I can’t’ and politely made alternate arrangements.
The fact that he’s trying to argue you into doing what he wants is a clear sign that he loves himself more than he loves you.
He has given himself permission to ignore your needs and feelings. Your health and happiness are not high on his priority list.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But barely, if your partner didn’t come across as such a jerk and the past times he didn’t pick you up from the airport, then YTJ.
You’ve been in a relationship for 5 yrs, and at a certain point you gotta realize that you’re going to make sacrifices every now and then, it comes with the territory. Having days where you sleep less is going to happen.
You do come across as being a bit selfish, especially with how you worded certain things. But your partner came across worse so I guess NTJ.” No_Variety_6847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. first of all, he shouldn’t be demanding things from you.
To just assume you’ll do it is so messed up ESPECIALLY since in his place you DO ask. That’s not reciprocity. A healthy relationship is based on love, communication, respect for boundaries, and equality. He doesn’t have any problem with you taking an Uber home so what’s his problem?
He thinks he’s entitled to your time and effort in a way he doesn’t perform for you.” TismEnjoyer
16. AITJ For Not Helping With My Sister's Wedding Expenses?
“I (33F) have a younger sister Jamie (31F) who got engaged to her fiancé a few months ago and now she’s deep into wedding planning. Our parents gifted us $25,000 each as a wedding present when we got engaged to help with wedding expenses and just help us get started with some savings.
For background: I got married 2 years ago to my husband and we practically had little to no expenses. We just did a small wedding ceremony/celebration in my parents’ backyard and I used my mom’s old dress so our only expenses were really just food and photography.
Due to this, we saved $20,000 of the money we were gifted and just put it into savings.
Although my husband and I were happy with our day, Jamie had a lot to say. She practically spent every single family event after the wedding gossiping about how my wedding was so ‘trashy and cheap’.
I think she expected a lot more from me because I work as a software engineer and my husband is a surgeon, and we could have afforded to have a much nicer wedding.
Now it’s time for her wedding and she has plans to go all out for it, which I wouldn’t care about if she could afford it, but instead, she has become a greedy bridezilla asking anyone and everyone for funds.
My parents refused to give more than the original $25k and other family members have chipped in, but maybe $5k max combined. Unfortunately, my sister knows I saved the $20k from my parents and that my husband and I have a good amount of money saved up because of our salaries.
She has been asking me nonstop to give her the $20k as a wedding gift or help pay for another one of her events like the bridal shower, bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, or honeymoon. Her reasoning is that my husband and I could easily afford to gift her one of these things and I even gifted my cousin a honeymoon vacation as a wedding gift last year so why couldn’t I do something similar for my only sibling when I did that for a cousin?
She’s right in the sense that I could easily afford to pay for parts of her wedding, but in all honestly, I don’t want to give her anything after she treated me so poorly following my own wedding.
I told her my reasoning and that I don’t want to (financially) support someone who didn’t support me on my big day and now she has been going around telling family that I’m extremely selfish and immature for this.
Apparently, she has already put down deposits on a lot of services and vendors for her plans and just expected me to help pay for them, but now she has no way of paying the vendors and she can’t get her deposits back either.
So now my family wants me to help her out so she doesn’t lose the little money she already has. I just don’t see how this is my problem. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s always the same thing.
You spend wisely, so you have savings, then you invest it and get even more, then people ask you to spend your money on unwise things and they’re ‘surprised’ when you decline. It’s a bit of a contradiction.
Basically, the reason why I have enough funds to buy a Ferrari is because I don’t buy Ferraris.
The whole point of a wedding is to have a memorable time with all the family and celebrate the new couple. That’s not correlated to how much money is spent. In fact, the more money is spent, the more likely it is that it is done to signal status, which means narcissists are involved, which means there will be drama, and if the event is memorable, it will be for the screaming and not the happy moments… Real intimate connection with people doesn’t require large expenses of money.” Frog-4724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – HAHAHAHAHA – is she on glue?
She trashed your wedding and now expects the leftover funds you were gifted to be spent on her? She’s already had her money and managed to guilt trip a sucker relative to give her some more, and she’s trying to do the same with you.
Just because you have money doesn’t mean you have to give it to her. What about house deposits, baby showers, etc? Nah.
She shouldn’t have put deposits down, you’ve called her bluff and well done to you. I’d be disappointed by your family’s reaction though.
There seems to be a strong favorite child dynamic there.” ShallWeStartThen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The nerve of your sister to ask for YOUR money. I personally think your wedding idea was lovely because you enjoyed it and we’re not trying to impress anyone and you now have the money to do with it whatever you please.
Your sister is petty and seriously entitled don’t give her anything she should learn to stick to a budget a prioritize what matters the most. And to your family, if they ask you again for the money just tell them politely that you need the money for something else and if they think you need to pay for your sister’s irresponsibility they should do it.
Keep your stance!” Artemisa-07
15. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust Our Whole Trip?
“Months ago, my wife and I got a great deal on a family cruise with our kids up to Alaska (late summer trip). Since that time, I have paid off the cruise, scheduled/paid for a number of upgrades (tours, drink packages, etc.), flights from our home city, hotel arrangements so we can tour the port city, airport parking, etc. I have also made arrangements with family in the port city to visit with them for a few days before our sailing date.
My wife on the other hand has been watching cruise videos on YouTube, as well as talked to friends that are in a much higher income bracket than we are and decided the ship we are sailing on is too small (it’s the smallest ship in this particular line’s fleet).
She has been on one cruise in her life on a similarly sized ship and had a good time but apparently, this one does not have enough activities to keep our kids out of her hair (it has a kids club, arcade, and pool, etc. but what do I know).
She has looked online for other cruises and found one on the same line that is leaving the same port a day earlier and is three days shorter than she likes better. She has asked (it feels more like a demand) that I call the cruise company and change over to this trip, then change everything else associated with it (flights, car rental, hotels, time with family – which will now be a day less, etc.).
I looked at just the base cost of the new cruise on the bigger ship and it would cost us significantly more (new shorter cruise = old longer cruise with all of the tours and add-ons added on). I already think our budget is being stretched by this trip as it is presently scheduled. My answer was and continues to be a very firm ‘no’.
She is now upset with me and thinks I am being unreasonable (code for jerk).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have fully paid off a trip that leaves a day later than the more expensive one so you spend more time with your family in the port town, your wife (I assume) didn’t help with planning the cruise as they would’ve known about the activities for kids and you said you stretched your budget already on the cruise and all of the excursions and add-ons.
It doesn’t matter about the size of the cruise when you have paid one off and planned it for months.” British1321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let her know if she really wants that, she can try looking for the flights, rentals, hotels, etc, for the new plan.
Then she can understand how much effort you put into it.
Also, if you both work and both are contributing to the trip, then she can foot the extra charges that you guys have to pay for upgrading the cruise.
If she’s a stay-at-home mom, and you can’t afford the trip, after she presents you with the upgrade details you can let her know how you (plural: you and your wife) can’t afford the upgrade.
She’s just dreaming now, and trying to ‘live up to’ her wealthy friends’ lifestyle.” Material-Paint6281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, avid cruiser here, and while it’s great she’s researching cruises and excited to try different ships that cater to families and kids, the one you are already booked on will be great! Tell her that you’d love to book that other ship or something like it NEXT TIME but you’ve already booked too much for your current trip to change it without a huge headache and penalties.
Some cruisers actually prefer smaller ships! They usually get better itineraries and have a more intimate feel than the giant ones with tons and tons of people. You’ll have a great time regardless, but for the sake of trying to compromise maybe consider telling her she can pick the next ship or she can take the lead in planning the next vacation.” happyfeet19
14. WIBTJ If I Shut Down A Little Girl's Expectations Of Our Wedding?
“My fiancee’s cousin has a child (6F). She is a lovely and usually well-behaved child but being the first child from a new generation she is a bit spoiled by everyone in his family. I like playing and spending time with her and she calls me auntie.
When we announced our wedding a year ago she was (and still is) very excited. She immediately started looking for a dress, keeps asking questions about preparations every time we see each other, etc. It’s all very sweet and I appreciate that.
There is one problem though. She loves to perform and is very open to people. A few months ago her grandpa celebrated his 80th birthday in a restaurant with his family (I and finacee were there too). For about an hour she was leading dance games (mini disco type or like a DJ on a wedding, people going in line to music, etc., I’m not sure what it’s called in English).
She forced anyone who stopped participating back on the dancefloor with screams.
Her parents and basically the whole family found this hilarious and kept coming to me and my fiancee telling us to prepare ourselves because at our wedding she would be the one starting the party.
We laughed it off but this behavior reoccurred a few times (both from her and the family) and I’m getting a bit worried.
I don’t mind her doing a 5-minute performance at our wedding (I would actually like that) but I’m afraid she’ll want to do something similar as on Grandpa’s birthday.
Saying no to a 6-year-old having fun during a wedding could be crappy. WIBTJ if I asked her parents to stop encouraging such behavior in the context of the wedding and communicate to her clearly I don’t wish for that to happen?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ
It seems like you just want your wedding to run smoothly and peacefully, it’s not like you hate the child or anything like that so your concerns about her performing at your wedding are quite valid especially since you mentioned how she behaved at your grandpa’s birthday.
But if push comes to shove and she has to perform at your wedding, try to make sure she gives a short performance.
Overall, I don’t think you’re in the wrong in this situation.” c_o_G2911
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think you need to go at this from the opposite direction. You don’t want to be in a situation where you have to drag her off the stage.
If you’re happy for her to give a small performance, then hype her up about her super special five minutes of fame!
Encourage her parents to practice with her, put her in the programme, have the DJ/Emcee/whoever announces her, let her do her performance, everyone claps, then someone takes the mic back. Give the main mic holder the run down, and let them know that they’ll have to be smooth and quick with the taking back of the mic.
If you set the boundary from the beginning that she gets five minutes, and those five minutes are huge honor just for her, rather than letting her perform whatever she wants on her own schedule, then it’s way less likely that you’ll have a tantrum on your hands.” Riali
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to not want that at your wedding. But it sounds like the parents might not take it too well, her being spoiled and all. This is something you’re REALLY going to have to stand your ground on.
Also, I’ve never been married, but I’ve heard that people use their wedding coordinator to keep things flowing. Have the coordinator there and they can be the one to stop the child’s performance when it’s supposed to be over and move on.” Hot_Ocelot47
13. AITJ For Informing My Friend That The Wine Is Not Vegan?
“I (26f) have a close friend (30f) who is a vegan. I don’t care, and always make a huge effort to accommodate, and as a general rule when she comes to stay my husband and I will prepare and eat whatever she eats.
My only issue is that she can be a bit self-righteous about it.
We’re close, she has been there for me when literally no one else was, I love her dearly. But bear in mind she has alienated and hurt other friends based on her vegan opinions.
She is opinionated and very much feels she is better than other people based on her decision to not eat animal products.
We met up recently at my house, with a few other friends and were drinking and generally enjoying herself when I noticed that the wine she had opened was not the specific vegan wine I’d bought for the weekend but rather one that was just in the fridge.
I quickly pointed it out to her, but she had already had almost a whole glass.
At this point, she goes off on one that all wine is vegan and I’m being ridiculous, if I have an issue with certain wines being consumed (it was a pricey one that she was drinking but that wasn’t the problem) then it shouldn’t have been in the fridge.
I pointed out that actually, not all wine is vegan, she can drink what she wants but I thought she’d want to know it wasn’t vegan.
She is now badmouthing me for ‘calling her out’ and being a know-it-all on her diet in front of other friends…
I assumed as a vegan she would know to check these things, but maybe I was a jerk for leaving that bottle in the fridge when I knew she was coming around and correcting her in front of other friends…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Been there, experienced that. Vegans can get very defensive about the stupidest stuff. You went out of your way to get a vegan version for them and just let them know that it wasn’t the vegan version that they were consuming.
Why is this ‘calling them out’ when veganism is a restriction that only they put on themselves? Literally, no one else cares if they eat animal products or not. You did nothing wrong.” Due_Laugh_3852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She went into your fridge without asking first and drank something that didn’t fit her diet when there was an alternative that did suit her diet available for her.
It’s good that you pointed it out to her since being a vegan is so important to her to the point where she is willing to alienate herself from loved ones. Had this been a situation where she was allergic to something she had just consumed, your comment could have saved her life – she most likely lashed out in embarrassment more than anything else.
Good on you for respecting people’s diets, shame on her for taking advantage of your hospitality.” Little_Resident_903
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were being considerate to her beliefs, at least in the way that she advertises them.
Unfortunately, she’s one of those vegan-for-the-wrong-reason types whose ego matters more than the actual belief.
The moral vegans are supposed to be doing it out of compassion for other living things. Trying to lord yourself over others over ONE lifestyle choice does not make you compassionate towards other living things.
The fact that she cared more about her image (she’s used to claiming superiority over others, heaven forbid she is incorrect about something) than adhering to the beliefs (stop drinking the wine) should tell you just how much of a phony she is.
– long time vegan that doesn’t lord it over anyone, try to convert anyone, and would love it if people informed me something I was consuming wasn’t actually vegan friendly.” boomosaur
12. AITJ For Allowing My Son To Watch True Crime Documentaries?
“My son (14) is very interested in crime and the legal system. He says he wants to pursue a criminal justice degree when he goes to college. He watches a lot of true crime content, especially on YouTube. He often has it playing in the background when he is doing chores, so I have heard many of the videos.
The content is intense, but it’s very academic for the most part.
My ex doesn’t let our son listen to or watch true crime at his house, which I assumed is because he and his wife have elementary-age kids at the house, and of course, they shouldn’t be exposed to such things.
Recently my son and his dad had a fight because his dad refused to let him watch true crime even in his room with headphones on. My son said he watches it all the time at my house, and my ex called me and said not to let him anymore.
I said no, that he can’t make that decision for me in my home.
My ex said that kind of content causes behavioral problems. I asked what kind of behavioral problems he has observed. He said our son has been defiant and argumentative.
I said that’s just being fourteen, and I’m not having many problems in those areas at my house, so maybe his parenting is the issue, not mine.
He said he was not going to argue with me and that I need to ban the true crime.
I said I agree not to argue, but the answer is no. I’m not going to ban it. He said I’m being a stubborn jerk and not prioritizing what is best for our son. Is that true?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your son might be spending too much time watching tv, but I also think that he should start spending more time at your house and less with his dad. There are downsides of too much passive screen time, but that’s nowhere near as important as having your kid grow up in an accepting environment where he can be himself and explore his interests that aren’t harmful to anyone around him.” savory_thing
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, if anyone thinks true crime dramas prepare a person for a career in the criminal justice system – oh my you need a reality check (yes, I’ve worked in the criminal justice system). I believe your ex is concerned that unlimited overload of that content at that age is inappropriate (even if he didn’t state it well) which it IS, ,and your response was that his parenting sucks rather than have a discussion about why limiting this type of content might be a better idea at this point – because you think it’s preparing your kid for a career?
Good luck with that.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your house your rules. You can raise your child how you see fit and your ex signed away the rights to dictate that when he divorced you and remarried. Granted he might try to sue you, claiming that letting the kid watch true crime is bad for the kid to try and get full custody or renege on payments, etc…
Probably want to confirm with your family lawyer just in case.” that_one_author
11. AITJ For Not Taking My Child To Visit Her Mom Once Every Year?
“15 years ago I went to another country for a few months and I briefly dated someone there I didn’t hear from her until 9 years later she contacted me to tell me I have a child (yeah I took a DNA test)
Long story short, we decided that my country would be a better place for her to live and study so I brought my child with me. We didn’t really want to go through court and everything so she just made me promise I send her back once a year in the summer and I agreed.
I kept my promise for a few years but my daughter doesn’t want to go back anymore. Her life and friends are here and she wants to spend her summers with them. She didn’t go back last year which caused a lot of fights between me and her mom and this year her mom has already started to remind me that my daughter needs to go to her home.
I told her it was my daughter’s decision and she doesn’t want to do it. She started crying and calling me a jerk for being so ‘cruel’ and ‘stealing her child’ and said I have no right to keep her away from her mom and siblings which I don’t think is what I’m doing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your daughter doesn’t wanna go. There is a reason she doesn’t. Maybe her mom should wonder why that is. I don’t really know if it boils down to just all her friends being there.
Besides her mother didn’t tell you for 9 years that you had a daughter so you missed out on all that time with her. That is not your fault. That’s her fault for not telling you sooner. She’s had 9 whole years to herself and she’s saying YOU are the cruel one for stealing HER child which is also YOUR child.
Your child is also old enough to start advocating for herself and making her own decisions.” KawaiiOnikuma
Another User Comments:
“And this is why people need legally documented custody agreements when children with split family households are involved.
I can’t say you aren’t the jerk, as I can understand that the mom would want to see her daughter and you should encourage that.
I can’t say you are the jerk because if your daughter is now 14, she has a right to decide for herself.
And obviously, the mom is not a jerk for wanting to see her daughter.
And your daughter is not necessarily the jerk for wanting to spend summers with friends.
So see if you can find a compromise here. Maybe she goes back for just a couple of weeks? Maybe you can fly her mom to you for a few weeks (if she has vacation or can work remotely). Maybe you can offer to let her invite one of her friends on the trip if that friend’s parents and your daughter’s mom both agree.
There is a compromise here if everyone is willing to find it. Start working on that.
Going with ‘everyone sucks here’ (you and ex), for your lack of forethought and lack of a binding custody agreement that could have prevented this.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“This for me is 50 50 and everyone is kind of a jerk and NTJ.
You are NTJ because you are listening to what your child wants and respect her decision, but YTJ for not trying to encourage your child to spend some time with her mom and for not understanding the mom’s POV.
The mom is the jerk for blaming you instead of really talking with her child. But can’t blame her for still wanting to meet his daughter especially as she only visits once a year.
The daughter is around 15, she is old enough to understand why her mom wants to spend some time with her, and if she really doesn’t want to go that summer, find other alternatives like maybe going on a vacation with the mom together, or maybe not go for a whole summer, instead a few weeks so that the daughter still have time in summer with her friends.” olafSEVENTEENsims4
10. AITJ For Giving My Mom An Ultimatum About Accepting My Partner?
“I (27M) have been with my partner, Mia (25F), for 5 years. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. Smart, funny, kind to a fault and I could keep listing her qualities but that’s not what this post is about.
What is relevant here is that she is shy and has problems with confrontation. She sees a therapist to work on this and some other issues and she’s a lot more confident than when I met here. Except when it comes to my mom.
My mom is one of THOSE moms. Y’know, the kind who thinks no one is good enough for their ‘baby boy’. I only see her when I visit for Christmas, Easter, and the handful of Zoom/facetime calls scattered throughout the year.
I love my mom but I do not enjoy being around her, especially since she has problems with Mia. Usually, Mia doesn’t join me, but this year my entire extended family was visiting and she wanted to meet some of my cousins.
She told me very specifically that she wanted to be the one to handle her problems with my mom.
The family gathering was going really well, I was having a beer with my cousin who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years, and no drama to speak of up to that point.
Then I heard my mom yelling. I ran towards the commotion and saw my mom and Mia arguing. Mia saw me and said stay out of it but I could see she was holding back tears. My mom then asked what I saw in some ‘floozy’ (yes really) and that’s when I stepped in.
A bit of back-and-forth arguing led to me giving my mom an ultimatum: either accept that I love Mia and treat her with respect, or I go no contact. Still haven’t gotten a response on that.
We left and bought a hotel room for the rest of the trip.
In the car, Mia was really angry and said that my mom doesn’t respect her because she doesn’t get a chance to fight her own battles. I told her that she can’t expect me to not get involved when she was upset like that.
Things have still been tense since we got home and I’m starting to wonder if I should’ve just let her handle it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (but your mom, sorry.) I get that Mia wants to fight her own battles and, since she goes to therapy, that’s probably something she has been working on with her therapist and you probably ruined some work on that front.
But on the other side 1) that’s your mom. Mia is not the only one who needs to be putting down boundaries with her. Your mom attacking Mia is also your mom attacking your life choices. 2) that one particular fight was going nowhere.
Once you start crying, there’s little chance you’re going to establish anything with a borderline abusive MIL and finally 3) there’s also the very concrete chance that no matter what Mia does or says your mom is never going to respect her because in fact she has no issues with her specifically.
It’s mostly a problem between you and your mom who doesn’t accept her baby boy growing up. So not only fighting with her seems useless but also you’re very involved in the situation, so it doesn’t really make sense to ask you to not step up about your problems.” Iater2
Another User Comments:
“You do need to sincerely apologize to Mia for not being able to do what she asked.
However… Your mom involved you and challenged you, and you had to respond somehow to that. It’s important your mom sees the two of you as united and mutually supportive.
Standing up to your mom – as you both have seen now – makes no difference to how she behaves, and it is not acceptable. You gave your mom an ultimatum, and the right one too. Her behavior is a choice she persists in making and there need to be consequences for that.
Going no contact needed to come from you, and had the most impact that way. Mia going no contact is pretty clear what your mom wants.
What would have been a better plan would be for you and Mia to have a strategy, so if things were going south like this, or your mom dragged you into it, you’d both agreed on what you should do and say.
In the circumstances, it went the only way it could.
NTJ, but apologize and reassure her that nothing matters more to you than how she feels and what she wants, but you were put in an impossible situation. She was holding her own and you’re proud of her, but it was time to walk away.
Stick with the no contact decision tho – but discuss if there are any situations that warrant reconsideration, and how you should handle them: sincere contrition, major illness… err, that’s probably it, honestly.” the_esjay
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I get where Mia is coming from, but you will always kind of have some sort of involvement in disagreements with your mom, as she’s your mom?
I also think you were not just standing up for Mia, but standing up for yourself as well to try and put an end to confrontations like this occurring. But I would have a chat with her about this to try and make amends, as she absolutely wanted to try and resolve this issue on her own you have, even if unintentionally, undermined that.
I would cut out your mom though, that seems to be far more stress than it’s worth.” Ok_Committee7458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mia is under the delusion that your mom doesn’t respect her because she doesn’t stand up for herself.
The reality is that there is nothing she could do to earn your mother’s respect. Because your mom is the problem which you are very aware of.
The reality is that your mother will always find something wrong with anyone you date because she views these partners as obstacles to you.
I can’t fault you for calling your mom out on her nonsense which really has nothing to do with Mia and everything to do with your mother being emotionally i********s.” Blink182YourBedroom
9. AITJ For Asking My Housemate's Friend To Pick Me Up From A Party?
“I (19f) am very close with one of my housemates (Josh-20m).
I get along with his friend group (a mix of guys are girls) and I’ve been assimilated into the group over the past few months (we met in Sep 2022). One of his friends (Michael-20m) doesn’t like me.
I don’t know why- I’ve always been nice to him. He’s always cold to me and gives one-word answers. That being said, I have his number from the group chat but I’ve never texted or called him until a few days ago.
I had been invited by some coworkers to celebrate my 20th a bit early and I agreed. We went to a bar, and did karaoke. But at around midnight, things got a little stale and one of my coworkers said her friend had some good stuff at home so we all went to this guy’s house.
Long story short, I felt very uncomfortable and pressured and after having a panic attack in the bathroom, I called Josh. He didn’t pick up. I called another friend but she didn’t answer either so as a last-ditch effort, I called Michael.
He picked up and I asked him if he could come get me. I’d pay for petrol and a thank you a fee, or whatever. I didn’t care, I just needed to get out. He picked me up.
He ended up crashing on the couch and the next morning, I have him petrol money. I apologized profusely. He said not to worry.
The issue is that the girls in the friend group are now calling me a ‘pick me’ and saying I put myself in the situation as an excuse to ‘get Michael in your (my) life’ as it upset me that he didn’t like me.
As a side note, I was more confused about why he doesn’t like me, I was never upset. I said that those 3 are the only ones who can drive in the group and since the other two didn’t answer, he was my last resort.
The girls said it was a jerk thing to do anyway and that using ‘real life fears’ to shoehorn my way into Michael’s life is ‘psychotic’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You had exhausted your other two options, having got yourself into an uncomfortable situation, and you asked if he could help.
It was mature of him to put aside any dislike he might have towards you and to help you. He obviously wasn’t that angry about it, or he would likely not have crashed at your place after dropping you off.
You apologized, he clearly accepted that and that was that.
Not sure why the friends are wading in, tbh.
You know what they are claiming isn’t true so, hurtful though it is, ignore them.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like the group really aren’t your friends.
They don’t pick up when you call and criticize you for calling on a guy in your friend group for help. You did get into an awkward situation but were aware enough to try to get out of it. I’m glad nothing bad happened to you, sometimes perfectly innocent situations can turn dangerous.
Anyway, rethink this friend group. The only person willing to help you was the guy who you think doesn’t like you.” lololynn258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless if Michael likes you or not, he must be a decent guy cause he did you a solid.
He got you out of a trashy situation. It’s incredibly disheartening when women are mean to other women. We all know the plight of a young woman. We’ve all been there. It can be downright dangerous for women in certain situations, so those trashy girls should’ve just said I’m glad you were able to get home safely and left it at that.
Most of us, male or female, have gotten our young selves into regrettable situations at one point or another. I know I did as a woman in my late teens’ and early 20s.
I was always on heels, and I definitely put myself in unwanted situations, unfortunately.
I will never call a girl a ‘pick me’ for trying to get out of a situation before something bad could happen to her (or him, for that matter). The patriarchy wins every time we treat each other like crap.
And let’s be kind to men when they exhibit an emotion other than anger. Toxic masculinity is just as unhealthy for our guys as it is for our ladies. Michael, whoever you are, you’re a good dude for showing up.” Ambs1987
8. AITJ For Not Talking To My Mom About Work?
“I (33F) work from home. I’m very fortunate to have a very well-paying job with great managers. They don’t care how long it takes to get the work done, as long as it’s done by the deadline.
This means that I am able to pretty much decide how I spend my day. Sometimes, I work straight through and get everything done, then have a few days where I just log on to be available, but can spend the day doing stuff around the house or just relaxing.
Or sometimes, I meter out the work and just work in the mornings, and then take time for myself in the afternoon.
Whenever I’ve said something about my flexible work schedule to my mom, she makes negative comments or says things that make me feel like she thinks I’m bad at my job.
She says things like, ‘Well why don’t you ask your boss for more work if you’re all done? Then you would be seen as the overachiever!’ And I tell her that sometimes I do, but other times I just don’t feel like it.
And also, we have a smart sheet where we all enter the info of what stage each of our projects is at, so my boss knows when I have nothing to do because my work is on hold or completed, so it’s not like he thinks I’m working when I’m not.
She always pulls the whole, ‘Well in my day, acting like this would have put my job in jeopardy!’ and, ‘I hope that this doesn’t make you seem disposable to the company.’ I’m not concerned about that. The company is an international billion-dollar company, that it’s notoriously difficult to be fired from.
And since they are not hurting financially, they’re not laying people off.
Anyway, I kind of stopped talking about work with her, just saying things were fine if she asked. When she asked me why I wasn’t sharing with her, I straight up told her that I don’t like being made to feel like I’m bad at my job just because things are different than when she worked. She got really offended and said something like, ‘Well excuse me for having opinions!’ The call ended shortly after.
Was I the jerk for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Things don’t work like they did back in your mother’s day and she’s refusing to accept that. She doesn’t understand that people typically need to change companies to get a big pay bump and promotion and that taking on a lot of extra responsibilities doesn’t pay off these days unless you can use the experience to improve your resume so you’re more attractive to your next employer.
I’m old enough that I got my first few jobs just walking in the door and asking for a job. Your mom probably still thinks that works for all jobs rather than a select few industries like independent restaurants.” IllustriousPeanut42
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is either jealous of your awesome situation or she doesn’t consider it a ‘real job’ like in her archaic mind of how you’re ‘supposed’ to get ready in the morning, drive hours to/from work, and come home all tired. Who cares if you’re getting paid and are living a happy life you can support yourself and to top it off, have great bosses?
I think you’re giving your mom’s opinion way too much weight.
Not everyone has an orthodox work schedule, especially after the global crisis.
You have to make a choice to be happy despite what others say. You have to cut your mom off and say, I’m going to stop you there because I’m not interested in hearing about your opinion on this matter.
Hang up or leave if you have to.
NTJ” nicasreddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yeah, she can have opinions. And when you try to explain to her why your work environment is different than hers and she doesn’t listen and makes the conversations uncomfortable and undesirable for you, well, she gets what she deserves.
And then to get mad about that when you calmly and clearly explain it to her? She’s putting you in a no-win situation, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time this has happened.” Corgilicious
7. AITJ For Putting My Money On My Son's Education Instead Of My Sister's Medical Expenses?
“So I (45M) have a half-sister Alissa (37F) who is about 350lb and is obese. Alissa has been talking about getting gastric sleeve surgery for the past year or two to help her lose weight. For those who don’t know what it is, it’s a surgery where they essentially shrink the size of your stomach and you can lose up to 50% of excess body fat within a year or two of the surgery.
I know it’s been extremely difficult for her to lose weight and I’m very happy that she wants to look into different methods to help her gain control of her life again. She has finally found a doctor who she feels comfortable with and has gone in for a few consultations to learn more about the procedure and everything has seemed like it was going well regarding the surgery.
But recently, she came over for dinner with my wife and I. Alissa explained to us that the surgery she wants is expensive and the doctor quoted $22,000 USD for the surgery as well as some plastic surgery afterward that she wants to be done to remove excess skin/scars.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t have any savings and has been living close to paycheck to paycheck because she works in retail management and the cost of living in our city is extremely high.
In comparison, my wife and I work in decently stable fields and have 9-5 corporate jobs so we’re in a better financial position than Alissa.
So she asked us if we could pay for her gastric sleeve surgery and the plastic surgery afterwards too because she can’t afford it and our parents also cannot help her financially. After speaking with my wife privately, we decided that we couldn’t pay for it without changing our current lifestyles, but we would be willing to put $5,000 towards the procedures and we could take care of her pets during the recovery period.
Alissa has been extremely cold to us since we told her this and is now bad-mouthing my wife and me for not helping her have a ‘necessary life-changing experience’ and prioritizing our current lifestyle over her health. I think she feels as if I’m the one now holding her back from living her life to the fullest/healthiest. My parents have even called saying maybe we can pull our son (16M) out of his private school which costs a similar amount for a year and put that money towards Alissa’s health.
My wife immediately turned them down saying this will disrupt his education and mental health and we will not be doing this. Now we’re the jerks of the family and everyone thinks we’re greedy snobs. I want my sister to get healthier, but I think we’ve already offered enough funds and our time if needed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your sister is asking for is completely unreasonable.
She is the one who created her problem and she is the only one responsible to fix it. Bariatric surgery can be helpful, but if she doesn’t address the underlying causes of her obesity she will just gain the weight back.
Addressing the root causes, such as hormonal problems, emotional issues, poor eating habits, or lack of exercise, would be much more cost-effective and permanent ways to improve her health. The fact that she is now blaming you shows she has a victim mentality.
Her problem is that she blames outside factors and doesn’t acknowledge her role in creating her situation or her ability to fix it if she changes. Paying for the surgery wouldn’t really help her.
You have been more than generous by offering the 5k.
You have your own financial responsibilities to take care of. Your son should not be negatively affected because your sister is guilting you into paying for a treatment that may not even work for her.
If your sister feels that strongly about getting the surgery she should take out a loan or find an extra source of income to save up for it.
If she doesn’t make a personal financial sacrifice for the surgery, she may well not take the follow-up care seriously and may soon be back in the same situation she is in now. Your sister is an adult who has control over her own life.
She should start acting like it.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I mean no disrespect but we’re talking about something that can normally be worked on by (at least to some extent) watching what you eat and exercise, she’s obviously still mobile as she’s working – and I say this as someone with physical disabilities and more than a few extra pounds!
I’m not saying it wouldn’t be life-changing for her, but it’s not like she’s got failing kidneys or cancer, etc.
Expecting you to use your hard-earned money for this instead of your child’s education is ludicrous.
If you had $10 million sat in the bank, you’re still not obligated.
Tell your parents to sell their home if they care that much, and take back the $5k and pet sitting you offered as they obviously just see you as a piggy bank.” pandora840
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she can’t afford the surgery and is living paycheck to paycheck she can’t afford the super expensive bariatric vitamins and liquid meal replacements she is going to need. There is a pretty high complication rate too—if you pay for this, are you on the hook for those bills too?
People who have this sometimes have complications for years—one of my friends needed 2 million dollars worth of life-saving surgeries, and thAt doesn’t account for having to have her teeth replaced. The surgery kills people’s teeth.
Also, the cosmetic surgery after is way more than 22k.
She is also going to need a whole new wardrobe. Several actually as her body changes size.
She is better off taking the 5k you offered and working with a trainer. Regardless of weight loss, she will feel better with exercise.
Maybe she will like her body more? Who knows? Either way, you are being more than generous.” Academic_Chemical476
6. AITJ For Wanting To Share A Room With My Partner On A Family Vacation?
“My partner’s parents are old school, they’re ‘wait for marriage, don’t do anything other than kiss’, type of people.
I’ve been with my partner for five years now, and we’ve been living together for two. The in-laws like me well enough, but they weren’t crazy about us living together out of wedlock. We explained that living together was far easier on our finances, which was true, but more than anything we just wanted to take our relationship to the next level.
They reluctantly agreed, they knew we were sleeping together already, they’re not dumb, they just like to pretend that we weren’t.
Anytime we visit her parents I’m forced to either sleep on the couch or in the guest room depending on availability.
I’m not happy about it, but hey it’s their house, their rules. They’re not malicious about it, it’s just how they were raised.
So now we get to why I’m here. The in-laws are planning a big trip late in the summer to the Bahamas for their family, which includes their other two kids and their spouses and me and my partner.
They announced that they’d take care of accommodations if we’d take care of our airfare. Yesterday we were talking over Zoom about rooms, and my MIL mentioned off-hand that I’d be in my own room. I was surprised, I said, ‘Why spend the extra money?’.
To make a long story short, it’s because I and my partner are not married, while the other two are. I said that’s ridiculous, you’re just spending extra money for no reason, especially when you know that we sleep together(as in literally sleeping) already at our apartment.
We argued back and forth some more and FIL said that was what was going to happen and that if we didn’t like it then we’d have to pay our own way. I’m a petty jerk so I said, ‘Sure, as a matter of fact, I want to upgrade to a suite with a jacuzzi!’.
My partner had to step in at this point, she said we all needed to calm down and that we’d get back to them. We hung up after that.
My partner then had to argue with her parents over the phone for about 30 minutes while she glared at me.
She mostly told them off but agreed with them on other aspects. After she was done she told me that I was in the wrong. Yes, her parents’ request was stupid, that they had their heads in the sand, they were wasting money, and she was on my side in that regard.
But, I was still rude and petty to her parents, and what I said didn’t make the situation any better. I said that maybe I was petty, but I was sick and tired of being treated like we were doing something demonic by sleeping in the same bed together and that I had to stand up to them.
And furthermore, the suite upgrade was a legitimate offer, I’d pay for it myself if need be.
Now that I’ve had some time to reflect, maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I was being too petty and confrontational. For what it’s worth, her siblings think I’m a hero for standing up to them that way.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, I don’t think you’re the jerk. Do I think you could have approached the situation differently? Yes. I see your points 100%. You live together, have been together for five years, etc… I will say though you do know how her parents are.
You knew from the beginning that they did not agree with you guys moving in together and are the classic old-school folks. Do I think you’re a jerk for bringing it up and wanting to share a room with your partner?
No. I think you should try to approach the situation differently and have an adult conversation instead of petty sarcasm. Either way, they have leeway with them paying for everything besides air fair. If you want to go and you insist on sharing a room I would pay for your trip out of your own pockets to shut them up.” anonbrowserrrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t really think knowing that is gonna help you in your situation. Her parents are being unreasonable and she probably learned to tolerate it. I get why she was upset about it as you finally telling them off, put her – as someone who just accepts her parents’ demand to have her peace – into a tough position.
She does agree with you on how ridiculous it is, but the fact is: She’s the daughter and she has to deal with the aftermaths (unless she decides to cut them out of her life entirely).
For her, it was probably more or less an agreed-upon arrangement for the both of you to accommodate her parents’ strange rules due to you putting up with it in all other settings so far.
I don’t think it’s the right thing to berate and be angry at you for her parents’ bad behavior, but she’s only human and probably doesn’t realize that maybe accommodating them might come with more annoying stuff later on. She just wants her peace for now (and probably thinks it’ll get better when/if you’re married, so not that big a deal and all).
Sounds more like you have some talking to do about how you want to handle the situation in the future as it seems to upset you more than her. At least it annoys you enough to get into a full-frontal fight with them.
Might have been different in the past, but things change and it can also just be the result of things piling up and you now don’t have the patience or willingness to put up with it anymore.
Wish you good luck on that, OP.” rayne_486
5. AITJ For Meddling With My Churchmates' Painting Project Costing?
“A friend and his wife were talking to me at church and the wife started talking excitedly about painting their house since it’s been about 3 years and they got a quote from their contractor (not me) of about 2000$.
The husband says they need to think about it more.
This is where I made a mistake. At this point think they need to think about numbers. The wife talks about the size of the rooms, shows pictures, and states the dimensions.
So me being the math nerd, I break down that the cost per square foot of painting would come out to 1.25$ a sq ft of painting. If they calculate a repainting every 5 years that’s 0.25$ per SQ ft and the going rate is about 2$-2.5$ a SQ ft currently, so that is a really good deal. The wife is very excited at this breakdown.
I think I’ve helped them. We separate to attend service
After church, the husband comes over and says I shouldn’t do things like that because at church like talking about money because now she is pestering him to give them a call back.
He apparently was just enjoying letting her think about home improvement projects and now she is dead set on repainting the house because it’s a good deal.
(It was a bit off-putting because we had a great sermon on 1 Timothy 4:1-2 (Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons.
These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead.) and how to be careful about listening to people nowadays. Very pertinent today. So now I think I spending a bit too much time thinking about the interaction).”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah. He doesn’t want to spend this money. And she wants new paint. And you did nothing wrong. And his goofy excuse for objecting b/c you were talking money at church? Is bogus. He doesn’t want to spend this money.
And you had no idea. You were trying to be helpful. That’s an important Christian value! And if you are close to him, encourage him to level with his wife about the plain fact that he doesn’t want to spend this money.
NTJ” dekebasswood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It wasn’t possible for you to know that the woman’s husband didn’t actually want to have the house repainted.
You were just trying to be helpful and wanted them to have a good deal with the painting job.
You are not in the wrong.
The woman’s husband is in the wrong for making it seem like you did a bad thing by helping his wife to figure out a good deal for repainting the house.
Don’t overthink or feel bad about the situation as you had good intentions and were only trying to be helpful.” c_o_G2911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They started the conversation. You should’ve said I don’t want to talk about this. He could’ve stopped his wife from talking about it. But he let you do the math. If he didn’t want that, he should’ve stopped you.
He probably realized he made a mistake because he was hoping the numbers of workout in his favor but they worked out in his wife’s favor from how they’re looking at the numbers
It’s literally not the money.
It’s the fact that the husband never had any intention of following through on repainting the house. He was just being a jerk and leading his wife on. That’s what his whole ‘I let her blah blah blah’ statement meant.
He just had no intention of ‘wasting money’ on making his home prettier.
I will say though just because something is a good deal doesn’t mean you have to buy it. Did they ever consider why it was a good deal?
Is the contractor there hiring a good one? Is this a new one? Like there’s more to consider than just the price. Obviously, that’s not your job to tell them. But it seems like they have a lot more to work out.
That doesn’t concern you and your amazing math nerding.” PettyHonestThrowaway
4. AITJ For Baking A Cake For My Significant Other?
“I (M,29) am seeing someone (M,26) for over a month now and it was just a few days since his birthday.
Since he is in law school, we really couldn’t set up a date around his birthday so we decided to meet up on a future date, and I suggested that we spend it at a DIY baking cafe – you bake the cake you want to purchase.
I thought it would be a fun date idea since we can bond and I can even give him a cake for his birthday.
So come the day we met. I let him choose a cake, I paid for it myself, and we were even given some freebies to play at the crane machine.
I have to tell what happened in detail since it is important later.
First off, we both measured and gathered the ingredients. When we both were able to get the stuff, I went to the stand mixer and started with the batter while he sat down at our workplace.
As for me, I also sat because the recipe said to mix for 8 minutes.
After the batter was ready, we put it in the molds.
Here comes icing. I did the icing. But he wanted to do an ombre effect to the cake, so he also made a strawberry-flavored icing.
So now we have to. I was kinda nervous at first because the attendants initially said that ingredients that are not part of the recipe will be an additional charge. Thankfully, he was not caught, and it is his cake after all.
The problem is, it is his first time, and he overwhipped his icing.
When we were done, we had some downtime. We need to wait for the cakes to finish cooling. When they were done and when it is time to assemble, he did his icing first. As expected, the icing was clumpy and was like butter and was not sticking to the cake.
He tried fixing it, and it seemed to get worse. So I said calmly, ‘Let me try fixing it.’
All of a sudden he disappeared. I noticed him at a table, approached him, and told him ‘Let’s finish the cake!’
‘Why don’t you finish the cake?! You’re doing all the work.’
I was confused.
‘Hey I’m sorry if you feel that way, you could’ve told me earlier if you feel that way, so why not you finish icing and decorating?’
‘Don’t talk to me!’
He stood up. Left. And messaged me, and this is our convo:
‘I’m going home.’ ‘Why? It’s your cake. This is yours.’ ‘Bring it home then.’ ‘But this is yours.’ ‘Why?
Did I make it?’ (At this point I’m like – well this is my gift to you) ‘We did. We did it together.’ ‘Well, you have tried baking, I haven’t done baking. You did everything! You should’ve just bought a cake for me.
My time is wasted for this, and should’ve just studied for law school.’
I was so shocked. I felt unappreciated and was close to tears. It is a gift after all.
As I don’t want to escalate things further I just said sorry a bunch of times and begged for him to come back.
He came back but forced me to finish decorating the cake when I waited for him to come back so he can do it.
After everything was done, I brought him to the train station, with him not talking to me all throughout, and just took the cake without saying goodbye.
Here I am, wondering – AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you meant well and he’s stressed out about his studies. So there are no jerks here, I suppose.
When you give something that’s an experience, you need to pay attention to how enjoyable the experience is for the other person.
I also notice you didn’t say much about how you interacted other than the cake stuff. So it’s three things: a date, an experience, and a gift. As a date, it’s important to spend quality time together — was there a good opportunity for this?
As an experience, did he do much of the baking? And as a gift, you were giving him the cake to take with him, but unless he really likes cake, a birthday cake is more special shared. And if it’s just a gift, rather than also working as a date and experience, then it did take a lot of time (and he’s stressed out about studying).
Also, the one thing he tried to do turned out to be wrong (both in not working out and in being something you weren’t supposed to do according to the business).
He probably really needed that break, but if he wasn’t really involved in the experience, or interacting with you as a date, then he would find it a waste of his time.” calling_water
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sounds like you had a clear idea of what to make and how to make it. For him, it was supposed to be fun but he didn’t get to enjoy the experience because you were too focused on the outcome.
If he sucks at baking you should have just allowed him to make a crappy cake. He shouldn’t be so dramatic and could have just been honest that he didn’t enjoy it. I don’t like how he communicated the message but I get why he was upset with you.” Straight_Geologist28
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not the jerk in this situation. You had a thoughtful and fun date idea to celebrate your SO’s birthday, and you even paid for the cake yourself. It’s understandable that you were hurt and confused by your SO’s sudden outburst and refusal to finish the cake with you.
You tried to talk to him calmly and even offered to let him finish decorating the cake, but he still chose to leave and be rude to you over a simple baking mishap
NTJ” Major-Magazine-6786
Another User Comments:
“A kind ‘everyone sucks here’.
The date idea was super cute, but the point of it is that you do it together, or at best you help him do it, but it sounds like you took over and he mostly just watched you do it, which defeats the point of going to this date to make it together.
The one thing he got to do, you did it over because it wasn’t good. The gift is paying for the ingredients and the experience, and if the cake is kinda messed up, it’s fine because you had fun together.
Laugh about it and eat it anyway.
But I do think he’s massively overreacting. He’s completely blown up about it. I’m guessing he’s been stressed with law school, so he was looking forward to actually doing something and not just watching someone do something, but he can’t handle issues like this, that wasn’t fair on you.” higaroth
3. AITJ For Scolding My Son For Using My Motorcycle?
“I got a car and stopped using my motorcycling for the most part when I and my wife got married and she got pregnant with our oldest Teo (16M).
I still kept my bike though and I’d ride it on the weekends every now and then with the boys but I fully gave it up after someone almost hit us last year and it’s been sitting in our shed for the last 6 months.
The other day I got a call in the middle of the night to pick up Teo at the police station. Apparently, he got picked up for street racing on my bike with his SO, Mark (15M). I was furious and I and the wife got down there as quickly as we could.
The cop told us we were looking at a huge fine, especially with the reckless endangerment and driving charges and the fact he doesn’t have a motorcycle license.
I apologized profusely to Mark’s parents and we left. On the way home I yelled a lot at Teo about how stupid he could be to steal my bike like that and then endanger himself and his SO who’s trying to get a football scholarship.
How they could have been seriously injured or worse had an accident happened. I admit I was mad and this continued a good while after we got home and Teo cried and I let him go to his room. My wife thinks I went overboard and made Teo cry and that’d he been through enough that night getting arrested. My parents think Teo deserved a good talking to.
We haven’t talked much since though. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – With a caveat. Teo definitely did deserve a talking-to and the reality check; of course, yelling isn’t ideal, and neither is keeping the talk going for longer than necessary, but I understand that it came from a place of you being afraid for his safety.
I think the reaction you had was very understandable given the circumstances.
I think after you’ve had time to cool down, you’ll want to sit down with Teo and explain why you reacted the way you did. If you did feel you may have been too harsh, you can apologize for that.
We can be right in our sentiments but still wrong in our delivery. Make it clear that getting that call was extremely scary for you and you only want him to be safe, that you want to be able to trust that he’s capable of making good decisions, that you believe over time he can earn that trust back.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He could have killed both himself and his SO, and he DID incur serious fines for which you will be held responsible AND endanger his SO’s future.
I wouldn’t necessarily condone yelling and screaming, but no, the embarrassment of getting arrested is far from punishment enough.
If he has any luxury items (video game consoles, mountain bike) of significant value that could be sold to pay off some of the fines, it should be. Not like a college fund or something he needs, but luxury items that he can work to replace.
As it is, you probably already need to sell the bike.” candycoatedcoward
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but follow up with him on this. At this point, he has a lot of negative feelings surrounding the experience, and getting those feelings organized in his head isn’t easy.
When you feel up to it, sit down with him and talk about it calmly. Get into why he decided to do it and discuss ways that you can mitigate it in the future.
Basically, he needs to know that although you lashed out, it’s because you care.
More so, he needs to know that he can talk to you about wanting to do something that isn’t necessarily safe so that you can find a solution that works for both of you.” blightsteel101
2. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Don't Care About What She Thinks About My Decision?
“I (28F) am a lesbian. A few years ago, I began going out with another woman. She never said a thing about being unsure about her s*******y and I assumed everything was fine.
6 months in, she admitted she had been using me to ‘make sure’ she was gay and wasn’t. I understood the need to experiment but definitely felt played and told her she should’ve been upfront. This took a while for me to recover from, as I had really fallen for her.
It was my first real heartbreak and I admit I was in a dark place. My friend, Tina (30F) knows about this experience. Tina is straight, she’s said this several times but always adds she’s an ally, which is important for later.
These days, I’m on an app with my preferences set to women seeking women only. I began talking to someone, ‘Sarah’ (27F) and we went on a date. She explained to me that she was ‘dipping her toe’ into the waters to see if she was really a lesbian.
I said I appreciated her honesty but given my past, I couldn’t risk being a Guinea pig again. Sarah was very understanding and we’ve remained friends, I’ve offered to be there for advice or even just to hang out.
Tina knew about my date and asked how it went.
When I told her, she said I was very wrong to not give Sarah a chance. She said that the only way she can know is by trying. I said I understood and there’s probably plenty of women willing to do that, but I’m not.
Tina kept harping on this and said she doesn’t see what the big deal is. She also added she sees why my ex didn’t tell me as this proves it’ll be hard for people like her and Sarah to truly experiment.
I finally said I don’t care about her opinion as she isn’t gay and she’ll never understand.
This made her upset and she left shortly after. Our mutual friends have said she can absolutely have an opinion. I said yes, of course, but it’s true that she’ll never understand.
They said I belittled her feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tina is the worst kind of ‘ally’ – someone who says she understands and will support you, but invalidates your lived experience and says she knows better. I say worst because at least direct homophobia is easy to spot, but this kind of behavior is insidious and can make you doubt yourself a lot.
I’ve lived through this myself (with regard to queer ‘allies’) and it sucks.
Also: allies don’t make it about them. She 100% did! Who cares about her feelings, it’s literally your love life. Who is she to say you should let other people experiment with you at the cost of your own well-being?!
Don’t doubt yourself. You are in the right, it sucks to be someone’s guinea pig or training wheels, you’ve drawn a healthy boundary clearly. Wishing you all the best with your love life, OP, it’s tough out there.” surpassingly
Another User Comments:
“Who you decide to get emotionally involved with and intimate with isn’t your friend’s business at all to judge you wrong for your own personal choice. You aren’t interested in a one-night stand or friends with benefits. Plenty of others can help this person figure out if she is a lesbian or not.
I think her not being gay and not understanding wasn’t valid. She is guilty of being clueless she was pressuring you to do what she thinks you should do. NTJ. She pushed you to be exasperated and you got snarly.
An opinion she managed to take from just an opinion to pecking away to change your mind, ignoring your feelings.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tina belittled and tried to invalidate your feelings. Why are your mutual friends overlooking that?
Especially when it’s about lesbian relationships so clearly you have more experience and knowledge than Tina does. You have done nothing wrong and you were correct in saying Tina just doesn’t understand. You’ve been burned before by someone who was experimenting and doesn’t want to be burned again.
That is totally valid and reasonable. It’s understandable to want to pursue relationships with people who know what they want and also want an actual lesbian relationship vs just to be an ‘experiment’ to someone.
It was good that Sarah was honest and communicated this with you early on so you could make an informed decision on whether or not you should continue the relationship.” p_0456
1. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Significant Other's Family For A Night?
“I (23M) live in a 2-bedroom city apartment with my significant other (23F). We use our second bedroom as my office, for which I pay an additional $400/month out of my own pocket for its share of the rent by square footage.
My SO’s family (both parents and sister) are flying into our city for a nearby wedding for my SO’s cousin. I was invited to the wedding and accepted as I was told it would be a one-night affair: Her family would fly into the city, we would drive out of town to the venue, stay overnight at the venue and come home the next day when her family would fly home.
The next thing I know, my SO’s mom emails us an ‘itinerary’ which includes their family arriving a day earlier than originally agreed, staying at our house for the night, going to the venue, staying overnight, attending the wedding, and driving another 6 hours to 3 funerals for an additional two nights.
They never asked us to stay at our place, nor did they ask us to join them at the funerals. They simply gave us the itinerary and expected us to go along with it.
I told my SO they can’t stay here this time since they didn’t ask (but would be free to do so in the future if they ask ahead of time) and I won’t be joining them at the wedding since I can’t spare the additional two nights of studying that close to my LSAT (and because they didn’t ask).
Note that they have stayed with us multiple times before, and her sister is planning to stay with us a week later this summer.
My SO thinks I’m the jerk for not letting them stay since hotels in our city are expensive.
She contends we should just tell them they have to ask, but let them stay anyways.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I get wanting to be asked, but it seems like you’re trying to punish your SO’s family rather than having a legitimate reason for not letting them stay.
You already said their family dynamic is strange and maybe they assume they can stay with their daughter without asking and their daughter can stay with them without asking. A lot of families are like that.
I think your SO is right and you should tell them in the future they need to ask and not assume, but let them stay this time.
At the end of the day, it will save the peace and make you look great to your SO. It feels a little petty not to let them stay if you admit you would have let them if they followed the rules you wanted them to.
Again not saying you’re wrong, but being so inflexible isn’t a good trait.” GetPunched
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an agreement. They would fly into your city, you would drive to the venue with them, stay one night, then drive back to your city where they would get on the plane home.
That was the agreement. They don’t get to add on now. As you no doubt know, the LSAT is not an easy test. Your SO needs to be respectful of your need to study for it. Explain that they can stick to the original plan of one night so you can get back to studying or you can’t make the wedding.
Tell your SO her parents can arrive when they were supposed to and leave when they were supposed to or she can rent a hotel room for them.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“I think they are treating you like family.
There is a history of you letting them stay there. How could they realistically know you’d magically become such a jerk?
Saying that if they just had asked shows you thrive too much on power tripping. You should have felt honored they view you as a family they can drop in on.
Yeah, it woulda been nice to get more notice but you already said it wouldn’t have mattered if they had asked.
So yeah, YTJ. Get over yourself and maybe look at things from their view.
The only way this would be rude on their end is if their itinerary was an expectation you were going to have to drive them.” Beagle-wrangler
