People Courageously Spill Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Group Vacation Without My Less Financially Stable Partner?
“I’ve been with my partner, I’ll call him Joe, for nearly a year.
Joe and I have different financial situations (I have more money than him) but it’s never been an issue between us.
We always do things he can comfortably afford and split costs. I’m fine with this because his company is more important to me than what we do together.
However, every year since finishing school, my friend group takes a trip to a specific area.
It started as an “end of exams” celebration but is now a sort of “kick-off of summer” trip. Joe has always known about this trip because I met him right when I got back from it last year.
I extended the invite to Joe to come along but explained that there were absolutely no hard feelings about him not coming since the trip would be far outside his budget (I gave him a rough estimate of how much it would be).
Joe got annoyed and said if I wanted him to come I should try and find a compromise that would allow him to come, such as finding a cheaper hotel that he and I/the whole group could stay in, and planning activities that are suitable for him.
I said I’m not going to demand everyone downsize their vacation for him. Joe then said that it would hurt him if I went without him.
I don’t want to miss this vacation. Apart from the fact that it’s the only time our whole group gets together, I admit I just want to do something I enjoy, without having to accommodate Joe.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Yes, we’re a couple but I don’t think that means I can’t go anywhere without him.
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I will warn you. This relationship will not work out long-term.
Your partner will always be resentful that you can afford more. And you will be resentful too. If you were okay with making more than your partner, you would either pick a cheaper trip so he could come or subsidize part of his expenses. Don’t get me wrong, you are under no obligation to do so and most women would not want to do that.
I am just stating the facts.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your friend group, your time and money, and your decision. Even when you’re part of a couple, you can (and arguably should) do some things on your own. Don’t give up something important to you!
It’s not hurting him for you to go on a friend trip. You’ll only resent him if you give up this trip … then you’ll feel even worse about it when it contributes to the breakup. His demand that *everyone* accommodate him was over the top, and if he’s ‘hurt’ that you and your friends have sufficient means to go on this trip, and he doesn’t, he could look into other options for himself (like getting a side hustle or training for another job).
He does not get to command *your* choices.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Joe is being unfair. I could understand him being hurt if you decided to organize a new holiday with some friends for you to attend as a couple and didn’t try to accommodate him.
However, this is a pre-existing arrangement that is for you and your friends. While partners can join they are an add-on to what is primarily a catch-up and celebration for you guys. He shouldn’t be hurt that this vacation isn’t going to be changed to accommodate him and the fact he is is a red flag for me.
While he might just be being honest, he seems happy to hold you back from going with your friends without him. I’d be concerned if that was a trend or a sign he’s very insecure about you having more money than him. I’d explain how you would accommodate him for a new trip that was for everyone but that this is a preexisting arrangement for your group of friends and you are not going to miss it just like you wouldn’t expect him to miss out on things for you.
Then keep an eye out for other concerning behaviors as maybe it’s a one-off but it could also be a sign he’s not a good match.” Key-Twist596
26. AITJ For Refusing To Speak To My Brother Until He Apologizes For His Behavior?
“It’s important to note that my brother lives in the same house as my parents, I’m married and live separately. Last night, my mom (60f) called me crying because my brother was in an argument with her and saying hurtful things. She told me he had been drinking.
I told her to cut off the conversation, tell him she would speak to him when sober, and go to bed. I hung up and called my brother and advised him the same. He then started cursing at me to not get in between their issues and I told him if he mistreats our parents, I will get involved. He said it’s his parents too and he can do whatever he likes I said he is not allowed to yell at them and hurt them and I will not tolerate him disrespecting them.
I told him he would ruin his relationships due to his drinking.
Backstory – his drinking is problematic. He has gotten into countless arguments, physical fights, and controversies due to his drinking. He regularly curses his wife out and more after he’s had too much to drink.
After I told him that his drinking would ruin his relationships if he didn’t slow down, he proceeded to hurl nasty and unspeakable curse words at me. I told him, his behavior is unacceptable and his wife may allow him to speak to her this way, especially in front of their daughter, but he will not speak to me this way and get away with it.
I hung up on him and told my mom I would not speak to him unless he apologized because this type of behavior may work in their household but not with me.
I refuse to speak to my brother unless he apologizes and my mom thinks I should give him some leeway because he was under the influence and likely didn’t mean it.
I refused as this is not an excuse to hurl insults at people and I will not allow this to happen to me again so I have to stop it now if I want to have a relationship with him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please have your mother watch an episode or twelve of Intervention and show her how she is enabling him and his heavy drinking. She is allowing him to stay in her home and allowing him to treat her like that. It is her child and probably the hardest thing she will ever do but she has to put her foot down and cut him off.” Acceptable_mess287
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ here. You did the right thing by standing up against your brother’s disrespectful behavior, especially when he mistreated your parents due to his drinking problem. It’s important to set boundaries and not accept such behavior. Your actions show your deep concern for your family’s well-being and you’re encouraging your brother to address his drinking issues.
Ultimately, you’re prioritizing healthy relationships and clear boundaries.” ChicCharmChaser
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ here, but everyone else is in the wrong, including your enabling parents. He’s a grown man, living with his parents and his wife, and he’s yelling at your mother in her own house?
Has anybody ever taken a hard line with him, asked him to go to rehab, or told him they would kick him out of the house unless he could get his drinking under control? Your mother sounds like the biggest offender. She’s the one he was mistreating and yelling at, yet she’s brushing off his behavior because he was under the influence, as though that should put an end to the discussion.
Your entire family needs an intervention.” Ajstross
25. AITJ For Telling My Cousin That My Friend Thinks Her Fiancé Is A Womanizer?
“My cousin Anna is engaged to Leo.
Leo’s uncle owns a popular club in our city so thanks to Anna me and my friends are always on the list when we want to have a fun night out and we sometimes get perks like access to the VIP area and free drinks if Leo’s there too.
Leo parties A LOT so he’s there 9/10 times but Anna’s a homebody so she’s very rarely with him.
Leo gets a lot of female attention but from what I’ve seen he doesn’t entertain it. For some reason, my friend Casey is convinced Leo is a womanizer.
I think she’s stereotyping him because he’s attractive and wealthy. She thinks because he gives us free drinks that he’s into one of us but she’s delusional. He does it because he knows Anna is my cousin. After I told Casey Leo is engaged to my cousin she stopped bringing it up in front of me so much but my other friends have told me that she still goes on about how he’s a womanizer and we should all be careful around him and his friends constantly.
It was Leo’s birthday party last weekend and he invited us and Anna was there too. Casey was being weird around Anna and she asked me about it so I told her that she thinks Leo is a womanizer. I made it seem like some big joke.
Anna didn’t take it seriously and found it funny too but she told Leo who didn’t find it funny. He was pretty rude and cold to Casey which was a shock since he’s always a pretty chill person.
Casey asked me if I had said anything to Anna because Leo’s friends were cracking jokes about him being a womanizer in front of her after he was rude to her.
I was honest and now she thinks I was trying to embarrass her on purpose. She keeps saying she can never go to that club again because of me which I think is dramatic since Leo will just ignore her in the future which is fine.
My friends think I should’ve kept it between us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – here’s the thing – if you have something negative to say about someone, either say it directly to them or keep your thoughts to yourself. If you don’t dare to say it to that person’s face, keep your mouth shut.
Casey got caught – she should own what she was saying about Leo. She can’t go to the club because of what SHE was saying behind his back. Simple as that.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your first loyalty is to your cousin, and it’s your opinion that her partner is not a womanizer.
That Casey keeps telling people he is (while taking advantage of his generosity) is the problem, and when she was weird enough around your cousin at the club that your cousin asked you about it, you would of course tell her the truth. If Casey wanted to keep it a secret that she thinks that badly of Leo and is telling people so, she blew it by going on about it and being weird to your cousin.
Also, if you do not have the impression that Leo is a womanizer, he probably isn’t, and Casey is just jealous of Anna here. Otherwise, why be weird toward Anna?” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Casey sounds so jealous that it probably is best if she doesn’t come around.
If she’s not uncomfortable going to a great exclusive club, VIPing, and getting free drinks, AND Leo has never exhibited the “womanizing” traits she loves to brand him with, then she is a hater without cause and probably is a downer to all there. You did nothing wrong other than think Casey is a good friend.” Catskill
24. AITJ For Cancelling A Surprise Birthday Weekend Due To A Scheduling Conflict?
“My 36F partner and myself 36F wanted to surprise my niblings with a joint birthday weekend at Great Wolf Lodge. They had no clue this was happening and the plan was for us to swoop them up on Friday and they’d skip school and we’d have them there with us till Sunday.
This plan was set for next weekend April 26-28th. My niece’s birthday is this weekend and so we’d planned to take them the weekend after. This whole plan was made a month ago, approved by Mom, and ready to rumble.
Yesterday I called their mom to discuss the birthday plan for this weekend as well as touch base about the following weekend’s plans.
She mentioned that my niece wanted a roller skate birthday so she snagged the last one at the rink she could which was Sunday, April 28th at 230pm. Now Great Wolf Lodge is about 2hrs away and if you’ve looked into a weekend there, it isn’t cheap.
We can’t check in till 4 pm on Friday and that means they’d only get one full day of fun before we’d have to rush her back for her roller rink party on Sunday at 230pm.
When I first spoke with their mom and she told me this I reminded her of our plans.
Myself being the struggling people pleaser immediately said we would leave early on Sunday so as not to disrupt her plans.
I later discussed this new development in the weekend’s plans and my partner and I decided to cancel the whole weekend since we felt that we and the kids weren’t getting our money’s worth for the whole weekend.
Also, yesterday when this all went down was the last day we could change our reservation without losing a 400$ deposit.
Anywho, she brought up changing the rink reservation and I said not to since she’s already looking forward to this birthday plan and the kids had no idea about our plan.
AITJ for canceling the entire weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your sister has poor planning skills but you have poor communication skills. You agreed to leave early Sunday to make the skating party. Then, without discussing it with your sister, you just canceled the entire weekend.
Since your sister offered to change the skating reservation, it seems she was willing to compromise her party for your planned weekend. Ultimately, yes your sister is the jerk for planning a party during your weekend excursion. But I also think a little communication would’ve prevented this.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get that it was annoying of your sister to not realize that timing was not ideal, but in your post, she didn’t give out. Your siblings don’t know, so they didn’t give out. You got your deposit back.
The admin was probably super annoying but things happen. If you still want to do it as a fun Aunties trip, there is no timeline. Reschedule and make it clear to your sister the parameters for maximizing the fun weekend. Or don’t. It’s up to you, you’re being generous.
Sounds like a fun trip!” No_Ad_770
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Ultimately it’s the kid’s birthday and the parent should defer to what the child wants. It’s not like the entire weekend was overthrown. You’d still get all afternoon and evening Friday, all day Saturday, and all morning Sunday.
That seems more than fair to you while still allowing the actual child who this whole thing is supposed to be about to do something with their friends as well. Feels reasonable to me” AgnarCrackenhammer
23. AITJ For Being Upset After My Partner Cancelled Our Celebration Plans?
“I have 2 exams next week. My last one is Friday morning and to celebrate finishing them I booked a table at my favorite restaurant in town and then some cocktails and bars afterward for me and my partner. We also have the cinema booked for Saturday for a movie my partner wants to see.
My partner got a message from one of her friends saying she was going to be home for the weekend and asked if my partner wanted to meet up. She suggested Friday to my partner. My partner mentioned this to me and apologized but said she doesn’t know when she’s going to see this friend next so she doesn’t want to say no.
I suggested Saturday to her friend instead since we had no plans during the day on Saturday and I wouldn’t mind canceling the cinema if we had to but I didn’t want to cancel Friday since I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.
My partner said she was looking forward to the cinema so doesn’t want to cancel it, especially since we’ve bought tickets already.
I told her I didn’t want to cancel Friday since it was supposed to be a celebration.
She said she doesn’t have a choice but I just pointed out she has multiple alternatives but she refuses to even consider them. She accused me of not being understanding but I just pointed out she didn’t give me a second thought as soon as something else came up.
She said I was being too harsh towards her and that I was not being fair but I just pointed out that she knew how much I was looking forward to Friday night and yet she still didn’t hesitate to cancel as soon as someone else wanted to meet up.
AITJ for getting annoyed at the plans getting canceled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who try and cancel established plans for better options grind my gears. While it’s understandable that your partner wants to see her friend, you two have had plans locked in for some time.
Your partner is prioritizing her friend‘s last-minute request to catch up over your celebration of a significant personal milestone and a planned date night, for which you have already made bookings. Sounds like she knows she is in the wrong and is trying to guilt you to make herself feel better.
Her behavior is saying “She is more important to me than you.” As you said, she was offered alternatives. You offered her an out to the cinema, but she refused it. Why can’t she meet her friend during the day on Saturday, as you suggested, or even on Sunday?
Could her friend meet you both for drinks after your dinner plans on Friday? If the friend wants to see her, surely there would be some flexibility and they could make it work without it affecting your plans. And if not, your partner needs to accept that that’s life and sometimes things just don’t align.” Pure-Philosopher-175
22. AITJ For Telling Off Unsupervised Kids At An Arcade?
“A friend and I (F34) went to a video game arcade a few days back for a day of nerdy childish fun.
There were plenty of kids around. No issue there. Until we started hearing unholy screaming coming out of a zombie game.
And I’m talking top of my lungs, screaming. Not “who” I’m excited screaming but the sound of someone just making the loudest noise they can. And it was a lot. Lots of people kept going over to investigate but backed off. Just staring and not saying anything.
Now this was annoying as heck but I tried to ignore it.
Until it kept going on. For at least 10 minutes. It was clear 1) this was on purpose and 2) no one was gonna do anything about it. Certainly no parents. You could hear this above 70 arcade machines and various people.
I finally snapped. Went right up to the game, yanked the curtain aside and there were two boys I’d say about 11-13. I didn’t raise my voice I just went “You two. Stop that. Right. Now. Are we clear?” They nodded and I left. No further screams the rest of the day.
I mentioned this to a friend in a convo about people not knowing how to act in public these days as an example and they said I was a jerk for doing that. That I wasn’t their parent and had no right to tell off a stranger’s kids.
My argument is there were countless signs that all children needed to be supervised and that wasn’t happening the people working there were probably worried about blowback from parents for getting involved, and my job couldn’t be threatened. And this was not only upsetting myself but there were plenty of worried people milling around.
We can’t seem to agree so I thought I’d leave it in your judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I remember as a kid if I behaved poorly in public, some adult would tell me if my parents weren’t around. I don’t think that’s a bad thing as long as it’s not overly harsh or boundary-crossing.
It’s not like you went and started yelling at them, you were just stern.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I picked up my daughter from school the other day, and some older girls, maybe 12/13 were effing and blinding at the top of their lungs. Primary-age kids everywhere.
I just raised my eyebrows and said “Language!” in my best mum’s voice. They apologized. I don’t think kids that age are being malicious, they just don’t think about others. If my children were misbehaving in public and I wasn’t there for whatever reason, I would want someone to (appropriately) tell them off.
It takes a village, and all that.” CharieRarie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I have yelled at kids 100 times in my adult life! Most of the time it’s an angry “Where is your mother?!” Or a firm “Knock it off.” Kids will push every boundary set before them.
They need to learn how to act in public, or a stranger will say something. Good for you for putting those little jerks in their place. Some might say “well, you could have just asked them instead of yelling” and to them I say, eat it.
As long as you aren’t getting physical or threatening to get physical. I think you have every right to yell at a child when they are being a jerk” MurellaDvil
21. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Not Be My Siblings' Full-Time Nanny?
“AITJ for wanting to move out of my parent’s house because I need my own space…..?
I am a 20F in my second year at Uni. I have 2 younger siblings who are 4 & 2. I am my parent’s (mother & stepfather) “nanny”. I get the 4-year-old up for school, feed her breakfast, and then take her to preschool. The 2-year-old is also up at this time so I feed him, dress him, and keep him until I have to go to classes 3 days a week.
I’ve been wanting my place since I graduated high school but I have been scolded by my parents and family members about moving out and not wanting to help with their younger kids. Why is this my responsibility? I have done it ever since the 4 year old was a baby!!
There have been numerous times I couldn’t go on trips or hang with friends because of their work schedules, date nights, etc.! I have been saving for my place since my senior year in high school, and have a great job(I work nights) so I feel I should be able to move out without the guilt of them having to pay a babysitter to help with my siblings.
I told my mother I am willing to still help from time to time when they are in a bind but I don’t want to be the sole provider! Part of me does feel like a jerk for wanting to leave but another part of me is saying “Those are their children, not yours, they can figure it out”..any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
I also will add my stepfather is the most narcissistic jerk you will ever meet(this is another reason I have been wanting to move). He and I have had fallingouts numerous times….so I guess them telling me I can’t move is just another way he thinks he can control me!?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s as simple as you state. These are not your children, they are not your responsibility. You should by no means be needing to be their primary caregiver as much as you are. The occasional helping out? Sure thing… But this goes way beyond that.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make a plan to leave but don’t tell your parents about it. Just execute your plan. And when you leave, send them both a simple message “I’ve moved out. I’m safe and I won’t be back. I will contact you when I feel ready.
Until then, don’t make any attempts to contact me.” I would then block their numbers. Otherwise they will come up with some sort of “emergency” that you MUST come back for. They are their children. It’s past time for them to step up and act like it.” Janetaz18
20. AITJ For Standing Up To My Uncooperative Group Project Teammates?
“The project is that we choose a scene to modernize from an ancient Greek epic poem, shoot it, edit it, and then submit it. For anonymity, I won’t be giving the specific text.
This was given to us back in February and now we have to finish it within 3 weeks.
I asked my teammates what scene they’d like to choose, but they’d always say “We have time” or something along those lines.
I, on the other hand, am a very strict person when it comes to homework. So I suggested that I write the script for us, and then we talked about how we’d like to continue, they refused saying “You don’t need to do it now.” In March, I notified them again and it was the same excuse, but this time, I started drafting some ideas and talked about it with some other friends instead.
So this month, when I thought the submission date was closer to the end of May, our teacher informed us that it was in 3 weeks. I panicked and let them know that we had to write a script. I stayed up late one night and wrote it for them to review (they still haven’t).
The submission date is the 10th of May and I am freaking out basically. I gave them a schedule of shoots and the equipment needed, and they didn’t say anything but “sounds good.”
We were supposed to meet tomorrow for the first shoot, but one of them canceled. I didn’t say anything bad, but I did clarify the situation many times saying that we need proper equipment, we need a place to shoot, and I need time editing it.
I sent these messages in a group chat trying to explain myself, but they’d constantly say the same nonsense they had been saying for months now. They are practically refusing to listen to me and I don’t want to get a bad grade for something I am losing my mind over.
I want to say something but I already spammed the group chat and would feel like a jerk.
So, WIBTJ for standing up? And outside of the jerk thing, do y’all have any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Group projects are the absolute worst. Can you talk to your teacher/professor and ask to do the project alone since your team is not doing anything?” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Group projects are horrible, I would reach out to the teacher and explain the situation to see if there is an alternative option. There sounds like a lot of work for a project to be just done in three weeks you may not have the time if you need to reshoot or redo parts of the project.” meulincat
19. AITJ For Following My Contract And Doing An Honest Inventory Of My New Apartment?
“I (18F) am a first-year student. Recently I moved to a new apartment to live closer to my campus. This story is between me, my mother, and a couple of landlords.
Yesterday, I moved to the new apartment, my mother was with me because I needed help moving all my stuff.
We noticed that my apartment had some issues and was pretty dirty so we decided to take some photos and write this stuff down.
Because it was written in the contract that we needed to do an inventory (which had to signal any damage or abnormalities found in the apartment), me and my mom did exactly that.
We wrote an inventory. Inside, we told the landlords the abnormalities we found (Such as broken smoke detectors, no/ripped curtains, tartar in the shower and toilets, damaged walls, stained sofa..). While this inventory was taking notice of many damages, it was not critical in any way.
It’s just the procedure (And it ensures that I’m not getting in trouble for damages that I didn’t cause). Actually, despite its issues, I’m pretty happy to be living in this place
When the landlords got the email with the inventory, they took it very personally and were very mad.
The lady called my mom and was being pretty aggressive toward her about our “list of complains”. Her husband wrote me a salty email saying that the apartment was just old, that they never had any problem before, and that I was more than welcome to leave and find a better apartment if I was not happy.
The thing is that my mother and I never had the intention to hurt their precious feelings. We just did as we were told in the contract and made an inventory. It’s not our fault the apartment had issues (And it wouldn’t have made sense to overlook these issues in a paper made to take notice of those issues)
Now the landlord (husband) wants to see me for some reason. He does not seem very happy with me.
AITJ for doing an honest inventory (and thus respecting the contract the landlords wrote)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why on earth would you ever hallucinate that you are the jerk?
Doing a complete inventory of the condition of a rented space when you move in and again when you move out (with pictures and/or video) is pretty much standard these days. Your landlords are upset because they were intending to do something shady or even illegal like pretending that you caused those problems and keep your security deposit.
The more so because you’re young and a woman, and thus more likely to be easily intimidated by someone claiming authority. Take this as a warning about your landlords — they are not good people and will try to screw you over at any opportunity.
There are good landlords out there, but these two are not members of that group. All interactions with them should be in writing, and keep detailed written records. If there is a problem with the apartment, note when you notified them of the problem and how long it took to fix it.
If they say something to you over the phone or in person, send them an email or text immediately afterward summarizing the conversation. Get yourself some interior security cameras so that you can tell if they go into your apartment without notifying you. If you go to see the landlords in person, have another person come with you as a witness.
Do not take anything that the landlords say as true; verify everything and know your rights under the law and in the lease. Note that just because something is written in the lease does not mean that it is valid. The law will override any provisions in the lease but unscrupulous landlords will put in illegal clauses and count on you not knowing the law or trying to intimidate you into following them anyway.
Familiarize yourself with your rights under the law as a tenant. There is almost certainly a government office in your area that is responsible for protecting tenants from bad landlords. Contact them and get information on how you can protect yourself under the law.” plush
Another User Comments:
“If they’ll let you break the lease mutually, do it. Run. Find somewhere else. I work property maintenance for a 700-bedroom complex. Your list of complaints is valid. If that’s how they are responding, you’re going to have a bad time there.
College is hard enough without a lousy landlord. Also. Smoke detectors are required by law. We are currently replacing all of ours with the new required 10-year ones. That’s somewhere over 1400 new smoke detectors for us. And if they can’t be bothered to do standard cleaning.
Get out of there. NTJ” Fit-Establishment219
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything, I bet that the landlord is angry that you documented so well because they won’t have a case to charge you for damages that existed before you moved in. That’s a common scam that landlords do and you blocked him from being successful at it” asecretnarwhal
18. AITJ For Responding To Changed Plans Without Checking With My Wife First?
“My wife (F 40s) and I (M 40s) have plans with two other couples this evening (an activity and dinner). One of the couples had to cancel because one of them was sick, leaving just four of us. The activity was one I was probably the most excited about.
Right after couple 1 canceled, the husband of couple 2 texted to suggest we change plans to just dinner. My wife texted back saying that she got it, it was more of a group thing, and that since I was working out, we’d get back to them.
I was indeed working out, and pretty much at the same time as she responded, I responded as well saying that I was looking forward to it, but that since I figured I was probably more psyched than anyone, I’d be happy to go with the will of the group.
Another guy texted back saying we could go, and then again saying we could also get back to them. I responded by saying it sounded like everyone else was a pass, so I was fine with passing.
My wife texted me off to the side and freaked out saying I was impulsive, embarrassing, and that I overshared all the time.
Her specific issue was that I responded without checking with her first. I can be impulsive and have a penchant for oversharing. I also was maybe not thinking as clearly as I could since I was mid-workout, but… this time? Really? It’s not like I spoke for the two of us, I just stated my opinion, and when I realized I was in the minority, I gave it up super easy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like a normal text exchange. Of course, we don’t have all the background, maybe you’re a jerk all the time except for in this particular instance. But based on what you’ve told us, you did nothing wrong and your wife’s reaction is bizarre at best and controlling at worst.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were gracious and accommodating. Perhaps your wife was looking forward to going and you should have checked with her first, but nothing you did was embarrassing or impulsive or involved oversharing in my view.” Few_Ad_5752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing you said was “oversharing” rude or even impulsive. You stated you were the one most into the activity but didn’t mind missing it and changing plans. Why would you need to check with your wife before stating your position? She didn’t check with you before she responded. Doesn’t make sense.” justcelia13
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My ADHD Cousin At My Graduation?
“I, f18, have an annoying, entitled younger cousin, m12, we’ll call Darwin (not his real name). Darwin and his sister’s mom passed away 3 years ago, and they’ve had everything handed to them since.
I live with my grandparents because both of my parents live 30 minutes out from the school I’ve attended since freshman year, my dad moving away end of junior year.
Since I’m autistic and resistant to change, my grandparents let me stay with them. My grandparents also let my cousins stay with them as opposed to living with their dad.
Darwin has always been a pain in the rear. He has ADHD, and in the beginning, I got it.
But now he uses his ADHD as an excuse for every bad behavior. Disrespect his grandparents? ADHD. Breaks expensive stuff? ADHD. Ordering stuff he knows isn’t safe food, hence wasting $12+ every time we go out? ADHD. My grandpa tries to be a disciplinarian, but my grandmother cuddles him.
It’s gotten to a point where my grandpa and his sister refuse to go on trips if he’s going. The trip we took this past March told us everything we needed to know. As soon as I can, I’m moving in with my dad and his partner, as mom’s house is already packed.
However, there’s one key thing coming up: my graduation. I seriously don’t want him or his sister there. However, his sister has agreed not to be glued to her phone while I graduate already. Darwin, however, cannot sit still, shut up, or behave. It’s not even “typical ADHD behavior”.
It’s just him simply misbehaving. I’ve already told my grandmother but she’s just brushing me off. So would I be the jerk if I uninvited my cousin from my graduation? Even if it means uninviting my grandmother, my grandpa and I are closer anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Could you reframe it for her? So instead of saying ‘I don’t want him there’ say, like ‘I don’t think it’s fair to expect Darwin to sit still in what’s going to be a stressful and boring environment for him, and I don’t want him forced to do something he’d struggle with just because it’s for me’?
It’s way harder for people to call you selfish or try and punish you for moments like this when it sounds like your focus is on protecting/supporting Darwin.” Scree_fox
Another User Comments:
“Ok, back up here a bit. His mom died. When he was 9.
And your opinion is that he has everything handed to him?! My mom died when I was 13. I couldn’t stand to look at other girls interacting with their moms. I cried every night. FOR YEARS. He hasn’t had anything handed to him, he’s lost the person who gave birth to him and loved him.
What have you done to help him process this? Of course, he’s acting out. He’s a kid dealing with adult emotion and acting out at this age is a clear sign he wants help and doesn’t know how to ask for it.
When he blames his ADHD, it’s him associating that out-of-control feeling that can come with ADHD with the out-of-control feeling that comes with a major loss and unresolved grief. I don’t care about your graduation. YTJ for completely ignoring the very obvious problem here and writing him off as a bad kid instead of a boy who just lost his mom.” ManaKitten
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying that a 9-12 year old who lost a parent is having everything handed to him. He’s a kid. He is supposed to have things handed to him. It’s also not his fault that the adults in his life are not providing adequate support for his ADHD.
He absolutely should not go to your graduation – it’s hard for just about anyone to sit through those. But don’t be so hard on him.” SneakySneakySquirrel
16. AITJ For Refusing To Sign A Petition Against A Neighbor I Barely Know?
“The house I live in has a barbershop at the lowest level and several flats with tenants above it. When I went outside today, the barber ran after me. He held a petition to our landlord in his hand.
The petition accused a tenant that I do not even know of using substances and listening to loud music all day, claiming the substance use is so bad that other tenants get headaches from it. He wanted me to sign it.
I read through it and only the barber and another female tenant signed it.
I live right under the roof so I have never noticed a lot from other tenants. When thinking back, there is a flat that sometimes has a peculiar smell coming outside of it, but it is not a regular thing (at least from what I smell) and I do not even know whether that is the tenant they mean.
But aside from that, I never, EVER have heard loud music when moving through the stairwell, not even one single time. So really, that is not enough to just be supportive of the petition in my book.
I told the barber that I did not feel comfortable signing an accusatory letter without ever having noticed anything myself.
He instantly went from friendly to upset, saying “Well, I do not force you, but when something happens, I will tell everybody you did not sign it”. I do not know what he means by that, I can only imagine he thinks the other tenant is dangerous or might start a fire when under the influence.
He accused me of not caring about the other people living there, including the woman who signed. I got upset myself and went on my way.
Any thoughts there? Should I have inquired further instead of just denying it outright?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absent first-hand evidence that the petition’s allegations are true, it would seem incumbent on the person who is circulating it to provide proof.
They did not. You declined to sign; otherwise, you could be accused of slander and/or lying about something that you know nothing about. Your decision seems like the simple, ethical, and moral stance to take.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We have a neighbor who started a petition for the city to “do something “ about the skunks in our area.
I’ve seen one a couple of times in our 2 years here. Skunks are not rodents, not pests, in my opinion. She was angry that I wouldn’t sign it. If I do not feel strongly about something, or feel the opposite, I will not sign.
You’re definitely in the right.” justcelia13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t have signed either in your position. He didn’t offer any proof and your knowledge and experiences led you to doubt what you were reading. The fact that he made even a vague threat after you refused would make me worry more about him than the other tenant.
I would say that maybe you should reach out to the landlord and let them know about the situation as well as your knowledge about the subject. They could easily contact the other tenants and quickly find out if there is any kind of serious issue that needs to be addressed. If they’re attempting a petition it means they have probably already gone to the landlord anyway and it’s looked into and nothing was found to be wrong.
If that’s the case they’ll likely appreciate the heads up about the petition.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Ex-Husband's New Partner?
“I am new to this platform so please excuse any mistakes I may make. I (52F) was with my ex-husband (49M) for 18 years and he was a serial deceiver, I stayed with him for the kids but the final time I caught him being unfaithful, the kids were old enough to understand how divorce works.
That was 4 and a half years ago and during that time I have been working on myself and have built a strong relationship with not only my emotions but with my kids as well.
Shortly after we divorced my ex-husband met his now-current partner (51F) but I suspect he knew her before the divorce.
The issue is that my family, specifically my eldest daughter (28F) and my ex-husband are pressuring me to meet my ex’s new partner. I am not in a place where I feel comfortable meeting her, I’m sure she is a great person but I don’t have any desire to meet her.
My daughter and I recently got in a fight about a party she is hosting for my granddaughter’s birthday. I had asked if my exes partner would be invited to the party and my daughter asked that if she was would I have a problem with it.
I said that I would not be comfortable with her being there and my daughter said that she is tired of me not being open to meeting her (the partner) and that she will invite her just out of spite for me. She is calling me hateful and childish for not wanting to meet her but I just haven’t healed enough to see her.
I am okay with my ex-husband coming to events but I don’t have any desire to meet his partner. My daughter said that I am ruining my relationships with my children over this but she seems to be the only one who has a problem with it.
I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or if I’m just being painted as the villain. I’m sorry if this post is all over the place, I’m just feeling very emotional.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to not want to meet the new partner of your ex-husband.
You haven’t fully healed yet, and no one has the right to ask you to pick a scab on a wound that you are still dealing with. To be clear you can go to an event to honor your grandchildren and be fully present without interacting with people you don’t feel comfortable with.” Sreaves1998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your daughter that after all you have put up with for her sake, it is disappointing that she values a serial deceiver’s partner over her mother. Don’t attend. Take yourself out for a spa day or treat yourself in some other way.
You have to take care of yourself for a change instead of worrying about everyone else. You deserve to be respected. Ask her if her husband was unfaithful and they got a divorce would she be okay with you inviting ex-husband and his new partner over when she is there?” ERVetSurgeon
14. AITJ For Being Upset About My Wife's Family Disrespecting Our Home?
“My wife has her siblings over for dinner EVERY week. Two brothers and two sisters. Only one is married with kids. These kids are not parented at all. Many times we have to stop a child from serious injury because their parents just forget they exist.
Tonight I bought a cake for my wife’s birthday which is next week, since I will be leaving town for work and missing the date I wanted to celebrate. The oldest of the little guys (6) starts pounding the floor blowing a tantrum that I won’t let him carry the cake lit with candles to the table.
I ignore it and proceed.
After cutting the cake and bringing my wife her piece, the little brat jumps up and smashes his toy truck down into the middle of it. I get my wife another but she just eats around it and says she doesn’t mind.
I brush it off. Minutes later the toddler kid #3 is seen running through my room with a spoon full of icing that his mom gave him. And another child #2, is using an egg roll as a missile smashing it into my walls.
My wife permits this anarchy, I keep my mouth shut as usual. After the circus leaves our house.
I’m cleaning up and doing dishes by myself. My wife walks in and she sighs relief that they are gone. I made the mistake of venting how frustrated I am that her sister, her husband, and her children have zero respect for our home. The response was a rage-filled screaming match about how terrible I am and that she will make sure her sister’s family is never present when I am home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not wrong in this situation. I can’t even believe kids act that way let alone are allowed to act that way. I thought your wife was just putting up with it because it was her nieces and nephews, but the fact that she got mad at you when you vented – unforgivable.
And why isn’t she the one cleaning up? It’s her family I say let her “punish” you by not having you be around when her siblings come over. That certainly sounds like the best-case scenario, and she can clean it up. See how she likes it.
Not to be nosy, but is this the only time you guys fight? Because she sounds unreasonable and it’s hard to imagine she’s only unreasonable in this one scenario.” Pure-Relationship125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a very dysfunctional dynamic with your wife.
She is being (IMO) verbally abusive to you and very controlling. I would suggest you find an individual counselor and talk through what you need/deserve in a healthy relationship and decide if your wife is at all open and capable of doing this. You have a right to be upset about damage/out-of-control behavior without being screamed at for expressing your opinion.
You have a right to have boundaries on how you’re treated and how people in your own home should conduct themselves.” 1Cattywampus1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as I think everyone else has said. I’m not sure if you’ll see this message, but I hope that you do.
You 100% need intense counseling for yourself and as a couple. But start with you. The number one thing I hope you’ll consider when something like this happens is saying something like “I refuse to be spoken to that way” and then leaving the environment. Go for at least 15-20 minutes or so giving your spouse the chance to cool down.
When you come back, if it gets to that point again, repeat the process. No one should treat someone like this and expect to have the conversation continue. Please get yourself into some counseling. And then get into couple’s counseling. I want you to remember one of my favorite quotes “Life is long, and then it isn’t.” We all are going about our business each day, and then … that’s it.
Don’t let yourself stay in a situation like this.” cabman
13. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Wedding On My Late Sister's Birthday?
“I (28f) have been friends with Anne (29f) since uni. She met Dexter (30m) about five years ago through a social app and they are getting married this November.
Now I have no real problem with Dexter but we have never really gotten along, he’s conservative and I am quite strong on my political beliefs (relatively center, maybe a bit towards socialist).
I try to avoid him where I can.
The date they have chosen for the wedding is my late sister’s birthday. This day is important to me as I spend it with my brother and half-sister and we just enjoy the day doing things my sister loved.
I brought this up to Anne a couple of months ago and told her in no uncertain terms that with the date the wedding was I wasn’t going to attend. I shared the reason and she replied that she wouldn’t change it because that’s also the date that she and Dexter first met.
I told her that was fine and that I didn’t expect her to do that but that I wouldn’t be in attendance.
She then started nagging me and said that I celebrate this every year but her wedding is just one day and that I could just celebrate after.
I told her I wouldn’t do this as it means a lot to me and my siblings. After this, she started screaming at me and asking if I hated her.
Since then she and a couple of other friends from college have been blowing up my phone telling me that it doesn’t matter and I should just go to her wedding.
She even said, “Your sister is already dead, what does it matter?”
Part of me is glad I didn’t agree but the other part of me is worried that I really hurt Anne’s feelings and I should have just sucked it up and gone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, regardless of what you decide to do. Your sister may be dead, but you and your other siblings are not, and this is the day that you’ve been remembering her for years. You told your friend that this was going to happen, and she picked this date anyway.
The fact that your friend is so insensitive as to say, “What does it matter?” about your grief doesn’t speak well of her. When she asked if you hated her, you should have turned it right back around on her and asked her if she hated your siblings.
It sucks that Anne’s feelings were hurt, but she’s the one to blame for scheduling her wedding day on the day of an annual family gathering that is important to you.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but mostly because I think the people harassing you are much worse.
So, question – you said this isn’t a close friend/best friend, right? So, why didn’t you just RSVP? It feels like this whole thing started because of how hard you emphasized that you couldn’t go because of the date. Maybe it came across differently in person, but in the text, it sounded like you were being very passive-aggressive about it.
Like, in an “I’m not ASKING you to change the date, but if you care about me and WANT me there…hint hint,” type way. And then the bride got super defensive in response.” Ryuugan80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and the comment about your sister being already dead?
Super hurtful and rude. Based on that comment alone I would decline and block. Not sure why this is a big issue for her, but it is her issue. Grief is a funny thing and if you have a time you and your siblings gather in memory of your sister who is gone, keep that precious time.
This is a person who will eventually fade from your life, quickly with her behavior. Family comes first it appears for you and you shouldn’t bend that for anyone who can’t be empathetic to the loss of a sibling. Besides, with the bride’s mouth and lack of compassion, you may just get another chance to attend her next wedding.” FormerIndependence36
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Let A Stranger In Our Car With Our Toddler?
“Yesterday after church we stopped at a gas station less than 1 minute from where we live. It was me (31F), my partner (36M, driving), and my 14-month-old in the car.
I was on my phone and then suddenly he was opening the backseat door to let a middle-aged lady (maybe 60 years old?) in with her grocery bags. She was asking people for a ride home and he accepted.
On the way there they were chatting and he even pointed out where we live, which concerned me.
She lived quite far away from the gas station and I was surprised she said she walked there, though it wasn’t more than 5 minutes away.
I was really upset that my partner let a stranger into our backseat with our daughter. The lady was very nice, but these days you have no idea if people are carrying a knife or a gun on them… I told him I wished he could have at least had her sit up front so she wasn’t near our toddler, or dropped us off at home first then went back to get her (that would have taken 3 minutes to do).
I brought this up to my partner. He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ-like” and called me a terrible person who lives in fear. I am honestly quite the opposite and usually quite trusting of people, just not when it comes to my daughter.
She’s too young to talk or understand things. Also was upset at home for what felt like weaponizing religion against me for my concerns.
I’m feeling guilty because it’s not that I don’t think it was sweet he wanted to give her a ride home.
I just had a mom instinct to protect my daughter. This all led to a huge argument between us. Do you think I overreacted?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk, he probably assumed he was doing the right thing and a good deed or whatever, but without asking you about it first is so wrong, without knowing it he could’ve been putting not only you but your child in danger too, I wouldn’t be surprised if you would have said yes if you talked about it first, the problem is he did it without consulting you” No_Pilot4951
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Female here, stopped for a quick break in a Parking Bay on my way to work last year as I sometimes do when stressed (female). My 9-year-old son is usually with me, I won’t stop if he’s in the car- he was home sick that day so I did.
Was approached by a male and female in the parking bay who made me feel very uneasy asking for a lift, their car had broken down just south of the parking bay. I remembered passing the car a few hundred meters south on the highway so seemed legit, and explained I was running late to work and couldn’t assist with taking them to a fuel station.
They pressured me into giving them a lift to the fuel station (10km away). 2 against one was hard to refuse and I’d left my car unlocked. Recommended one of them to stay with their car so I was only transporting one, both got in my car regardless.
I made constant small talk on the way, dropped them off at the servo, and promptly cried when I got to work. I’m first to help anyone, this situation gave me a horrible gut feeling I couldn’t get out of at the time.
No, nothing happened. It could have gone south very quickly. NTJ, always trust your gut” Haunting-Juice983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you have every right to be upset about this. He 100% should have considered you and your daughter’s safety first no matter the kind of person it is.
I’m sorry that he is not considering your feelings. He may have gotten ahead of himself wanting to offer a helping hand and innocently did not think to ask. He also probably is defensive because he felt like he did a good thing for a stranger, so to hear that you were upset about it is probably making him feel not appreciated or whatever you’d like to call it.
Either way though, I agree he should have checked in with you before see if you were ok with it. Maybe just tell him that you’d appreciate him checking in with you and see if you’re ok with it next time something involves a stranger especially when your daughter is there.
A partner should be able to agree and respect that request” Lemondeahh
11. AITJ For Allegedly Giving My Mother Attitude While Being Her Caretaker?
“I live with my mildly disabled mother and take care of her. She’s also very bipolar and situations like this are so common that I’m genuinely wondering if I’m as awful as she claims.
I (27F) live with my mother (46f) and act as her caretaker because of certain disabilities she has.
I had cleaned the entire bottom floor of our house earlier and she cooked dinner. She volunteered to do the dishes and, because I was exhausted and sore from an injury I received a couple of days ago, began going to my room. She asks where I’m going, I tell her that I’m going to my room and ask why she wanted to know in case she needed me to do something.
No big deal, right?
Wrong.
She began slamming stuff around and mouthing off about how I’m leaving her with dinner dishes and she’s got too much to do and how SHE cleaned the whole house even though she hasn’t been home. So I come back down and offer to take over so she doesn’t have to and she slams a Tupperware bowl into the sink and snaps that she’s got the dishes and to not worry about it.
She also claimed that I was giving her nothing but a full attitude and how dare I as well as proceeding to mock how I was talking in the most obnoxious manner she could. When I tried to counter that I didn’t, she cut me off to shout over me that I always give her this attitude and that she never says anything so we don’t fight.
But we fight like this at least once a week. And she’s allowed to tell me how I’m always wrong and making her life difficult but I can’t even tell her that I’m physically injured or she’ll go on a full rant about how she’s in so much more pain and I have it so much better.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But seriously? It’s time to move out, dear. About 9 years past time to move out. This isn’t just a “failure to launch” comment. Your mental health is in jeopardy due to the usual problems related to “failure to launch”.
But you also have the headache of dealing with somebody who is mentally unstable and should probably be confined in a mental institution. You need to go NC or very LC with this individual. That starts with moving out, which should have been done many years ago anyway.” Smokin_HOT_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You do not deserve this treatment. You would already be going above and beyond for her even if she treated you with utmost kindness and respect. Instead, she’s verbally abusing you on the daily by the sounds of it. Time for her to find alternate arrangements, she doesn’t deserve the privilege of your caretaking.” Locke357
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know how exhausting it can be because my mother had paranoid schizophrenia. My parents divorced when I was 21. My sister went to Uni in England. I stayed in my country (Portugal) and lived with my mom until I finished Uni.
I know it’s not their fault for being ill, but my mother never accepted that she was sick and always refused to take the medication. I eventually moved out. Even after moving out, she was still difficult. Most of my family would gaslight and always believed that she wasn’t that bad.
I did my best, but it came to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore and I literally moved to another country (still in Europe). The family had to step up and only then they realised how bad it was. Of course, I kept in touch with my mom and would go visit every year, but a huge weight was taken from my shoulders.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Putting A Password On My Laptop After My Mom Snooped Through My Messages?
“Some background – I never had a password because the entire family uses my laptop.
Banking, emails, shopping, etc. Never had any bigger issues. I am an adult and I bought the laptop in high school with my own money. So no ground for anybody to dictate what I do with it. However, my mom does not believe in privacy.
It always bothered me a bit and I was always careful in case she went snooping. She has days where she will look for a thing to be mad about – she’ll try to read texts and open your mail before you get to it, doesn’t matter what was in there if she wants to start a fight she will.
The thing is I was stupid enough to leave my laptop with Messenger logged in. Something came up and I just left it like that. She went through everything there. Claims she only read what was on-screen but references messages that you’d have to scroll far up for.
She read mostly the messages between my sister and me, where I was quoting some messed up thing she said, claimed she never said any of that and that I am ‘smear campaigning her to strangers on the internet’ (for some reason she didn’t clock it was my sister).
A huge fight broke out about that, which ended in her pretending I didn’t exist for a few days.
I got mad and put a password on the thing but since everyone else needed it I gave the password to my dad and sister. She’s the only locked-out person and is currently extremely angry over that – claims I had no right to do that and sees nothing wrong with what she did.
Is what I did unnecessarily petty? Did I go overboard? I did single her out but I felt violated at that moment”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but do you know that you can create an instance per person? each with his password? That way your mother won’t be able to snoop on anybody for good.” Far_Dependent_8975
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom is reaping what she sowed by intruding into your messages. Since she can not respect boundaries, she will no longer have access to the tools she used to stomp them. This is the consequence of her actions, especially when she also refuses to accept accountability for being nosy.” Grannywine
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother-In-Law At My Birthday Celebration?
“I’m 33. A few years ago, my brother-in-law treated me and my husband very poorly and excluded me from a lot of things just to be friends with his partner. He wanted the family to get to know her and I did. Then when we got close, he said “I could be her friend” to the family but behind closed doors says “I cannot speak to her”, along with many other brutal things said to me and about me behind my back.
This turned into a feud in the family because they cater to his every need and believe everything he says. I have also been in this family for 15 years.
Fast forward, they are asking me what I want to do for my birthday this year.
AITJ for telling them I either don’t want to do anything or if we do something, I do not want my brother-in-law there.
I know they will try to say it is selfish, and let it go, but the cruelty and mental anguish of what he put me through over the years has made it unbearable to have him in the same room as me.
My in-laws (outside of my brother-in-law) are very nice and I love them. AITJ for excluding him from my birthday and/or giving the ultimatum that I either want a nice quiet day at home, or dinner without him for my birthday?
Side note: my mother-in-law has high anxiety (with no treatment) and a NEED to keep the family together.
(she calls all her kids about 3 times a day) She runs on high emotion so I know it will offend her. My father-in-law is one to say “Just get over it” and they all sweep issues under the rug.
So.. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You can say that you already have plans (better make them first) if you don’t want drama, or you can say that you don’t want to be around BIL because of the way he’s treated you in the past. Don’t be upset, don’t be angry, just calmly explain and don’t argue.” Relative-Pie-5057
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, IMO, choose a quiet restful day with people you enjoy being with. Your MIL’s anxiety can’t be pleasant to be around. Take the day for you and SO to have some alone time. It is your birthday and if you don’t want drama, ditch the anxious people and the ones that make you anxious and have a nice birthday.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has been cruel to you, you can exclude him. If other family members then do not want to come to this birthday, you will have a nice peaceful get-together without them. Do check first with your spouse, it is his family.
Discuss that he can socialize with them some other time, but your birthday should be your time – and vice versa.” bkwormtricia
8. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Job Recommendation For My Friend In Debt?
“Until quite recently, I was close friends with a married couple. I had known the husband since my late childhood (our parents were business partners), and the wife since university.
They are a beautiful couple and both wonderful people.
Unfortunately, the husband had lost much of his wealth through poor investment decisions last year. As he no longer had an income (he inherited a substantial estate, now lost), I secured him a position in a company in which I had influence, but he quit after a short period on bad terms, which led to a major quarrel between us and a break in our friendship.
I remained on good terms with the wife, who was quite sympathetic to my point of view.
Recently the wife made contact with me at my office. Their situation has deteriorated since the quarrel, and my friends are under a modest amount of debt (the equivalent of USD 120,000 in Thai baht, a not insignificant sum in Thailand).
I was asked if I would at least give her husband a recommendation either for a position in our company or an allied business. This I more or less rejected out of hand. My reasoning is the circumstances of the husband’s departure from our partner company had caused considerable odium to his reputation within our company, I am therefore not sure that his position in the company would be tenable.
I did not tell my friend this, but the last recommendation caused me a significant loss of face, and I really cannot afford another incident like the last one. Indeed, I am no longer even sure my recommendation would be accepted without comment like in the past.
So, my question to this forum is thus:
1. AITJ for dismissing my friend’s request for a recommendation out of hand. Should I at least arrange a meeting or interview with our partners?
And more generally
2) Has anyone here had experience with credit card debt or know anyone who does?
I know for a fact the rate of interest is extremely high relative to bank overdrafts. How likely is someone to return to debt again once the debt is cleared?
If I was to clear the debt, how likely is this to be seen as an insult?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he disrespected you first by causing a problem with the company you introduced him to. If he was having problems, it would have been courteous to let you know what was happening instead of making you lose face. Like any debt, instead of lending him money or finding him another job that risks losing your trust within your group, he needs to consider selling off his assets to minimize his liabilities.
At the same time, he needs to find a credit card company willing to offer a lower fixed interest rate with a nominal transfer fee to transfer some of the balance to avoid inflating his debt with a high-interest card. Only then would you consider helping him find a job… one perhaps closer to you… not paying anywhere he wants to keep a close eye on him.
After proving himself to you, then you can reconsider taking a risk for him once again. As to how long it may take for him to prove himself to you…. Tell him that you can’t make promises.” Koochandesu
7. AITJ For Not Wanting Friends To Bring Their Dogs To Our Cat's Home?
“Let me preface by saying I live in a fairly dog-friendly county. It’s not uncommon to see dogs on the subway, in some stores and cafes, etc. It would be quite normal to bring your dog to a friend’s apartment for an evening of socializing.
I (28F) am not native to this country but my partner (30M) is, and we’ve lived together for a year now. We adopted a cat together a few months ago. Our cat is a senior little guy and his previous family told us he was afraid of dogs but we don’t know the details.
My partner and I have some friends who are dog owners. We both like dogs and have allowed dogs over to our apartment before no problem. Now that we have a cat, I no longer want any visitors to bring their dog over.
My partner doesn’t agree with an automatic blanket ban on having a dog come to visit.
He reasons that the kitty can hang out in the bedroom with the door closed, and we can keep the dog away from him either leashed or just under close supervision.
I feel uncomfortable with this for multiple reasons. I don’t want the dog’s scent to linger in our apartment and make the kitty feel unsafe.
Also, our cat lives here, I don’t see why we need to make accommodations for someone else’s pet at the expense of our own.
Partner’s point is that if our friends can no longer bring their dog, then they will always have to cut their visits short or just not come.
We do like to have parties or gatherings from time to time. (The cat is cool with these btw, he’s very social with humans.)
In my view, when someone gets a dog, they accept that some activities now have a time limit or that you have to make arrangements for canine care if you want to go out for an evening.
Partner wants to try at least once to have a dog over here and see how it goes. I don’t even want to try. In my experience, it’s just a no-brainer not to bring a dog over to a home where there is a cat.
WIBTJ for not even trying?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A senior kitty should take priority over dogs in its own home. No one will have to cut their visit short because they own a dog unless they were planning to stay the whole day. That’s BS.
I’ve had senior kitties. They usually don’t do well with strange dogs in their home, and they shouldn’t have to feel stressed because someone else can’t leave their dog at home.” Gattina1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m a dog owner. I have friends who have cats and do not want dogs over, and that’s perfectly ok.
I get a dog sitter if I am going to be out for the weekend with friends. I also do not let my friends bring their dogs to my house because my dog is territorial and aggressive. It’s poor pet ownership to force animals together when they won’t get along.
Your home is your cat’s home too, and any friend would respect that. Sometimes you can’t bring your dog everywhere.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s the kitty’s home, it gets priority, if you’ve newly adopted a cat, you need to develop a trust bond, bringing a dog into the home during that time could ruin that trust and make the cat feel insecure maybe if one friend has like a tiny calm friendly dog you could introduce them by holding the tiny dog, and see what happens?
But even with this I would wait a long time, the kitty needs to feel like it has a safe home” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Family To Attend A Party Without Contributing To The Gift?
“Today I went to a birthday party for my best friend’s 1-year-old son. The invite I believe was to my immediate family (me, my mom, and my sister). As the time was coming up, they hadn’t spoken to me about the party and didn’t even realize the date, I asked if either of them planned to come and neither gave a solid answer.
I told them both how I was feeling: most events we go to that require a gift, they usually don’t contribute to the gift and I feel bad and write their name on the card for the gift I buy. I explained that I don’t like it or think it’s fair that I’m the only one who buys a gift and they just don’t think about it at all.
I usually put their names on my gift because I’m embarrassed. How could you show up to a birthday or shower without a gift?? I know it’s a material way of thinking, but also if they gave me money, I could buy a bigger or better gift that would equate to the contribution of three people.
So I left today to help set up the party without them since I had sort of discouraged them from going because they hadn’t gotten the kid a gift. Once I was there, I texted my mom that she should come because there were some parents she was friendly with but she declined. When I got home, my sister said in a rude voice to me: ‘You didn’t even want us to come.’ Now I’m pretty upset.
Am I wrong for being upset?? I know the answer, but I’d like some validation since she was treating me like I was in the wrong…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset about the gift thing. But YTJ for having this conversation with them ahead of time…(seemingly one-sided because you don’t explain how it was resolved), …then you left without them (assuming they were NOT going to come…after you told them how you dn’t think it’s right they don’t contribute…then after all that you called your mom to come.
Kind of mixed signals all around. How you you, or they, not know if they were invited or not? Very weird. If you are all invited to a party, then say ‘who wants to get the gift and how much should we all contribute’ or ‘what should we do for a gift’?
You just need to talk about it…they should understand.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you put yourself in this situation because you feel embarrassed. Your mom and sister are grown. It’s on them to act how they like regarding invitations and gifting. You’re trying to dictate based on how you feel.
You’re very controlling even if they have no etiquette regarding gifts. You’re a separate person from them – attend your events, buy your gifts from you only, and let them deal with their situation. It’s not like they are putting any pressure on you to buy gifts on their behalf – you did that to yourself.” RLS2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mom and sister were contributing to a gift, you would spend more. Putting their names on YOUR gift makes you all look kind of cheap. I remember when my husband’s grandparents had their 50th anniversary. We had been married for a year.
I went out and bought a personalized plaque for their wall, commemorating their anniversary. When my mother-in-law saw that, she TOLD me that my sister-in-law would also be included as one of the givers of the gift. No mention of money. On top of that, my SIL presented the gift to the grandparents when we weren’t even there.” ElmLane62
5. AITJ For Wanting A Day Off From Cleaning And Babysitting?
“I (31f) live with my partner (34m), my son (9), 4 dogs, and 4 cats full time, we occasionally have his daughter (13) here from her mom’s house. I work a full-time job painting, new construction, residential and commercial buildings, some days I put in a lot of hours, sometimes almost 50 hours a week depending on the job.
I love my job and it pays well. My partner isn’t allowed to work more than 40 hours at his and he likes it okay. We both get home at the same time usually but instead of helping me with housework when we get home he plays on his phone or his gaming and I end up having to clean up after all the dogs.
I am not a dog person, I like them but I didn’t sign up for all the work when I reluctantly agreed with him to keep them all. He doesn’t help me feed them or clean up their messes, on top of that, I have all the house cleaning and cooking.
We have been together for almost 5 years now.
Recently, he wanted to hang out with friends and it was on the day he finally said he would help me clean because as he puts it, “I’m not good at it and it’s getting out of hand with how much of a mess the house has become.” I asked if I could just stay home and possibly relax for the day seeing as I would like to do my own thing if we were not going to clean.
He got mad and said, “I never clean enough anyways and I would hurt his friend’s feelings.” So, I went with him and sat there feeling miserable as the older kids and his friends had fun and I had to babysit the younger children ( not mine)… AITJ for wanting a day for myself, not cleaning or working or doing all the things he wants?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner sounds very selfish and taking advantage of you. If you are both working full time then the household labours should be split equally, not just left to you. He has no right to criticize you on the condition of the household when he does nothing to help.
Tell him to start taking care of his animals or find new homes for them if he can’t be bothered with them. You shouldn’t have to live this way. If he doesn’t want to reconsider his role in the household, reconsider whether you want to marry him.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“Do not marry him. Do not have a child with him. Get out now, for your sake and the sake of your son. Your son is learning all the wrong lessons from you and your living situation. Please don’t do this to yourself or your child.
Have some self-respect. ESH because you need to LEAVE. Your partner is a gigantic jerk and you and your child deserve better.” Ok_Expression7723
Another User Comments:
“Oh, hon. NTJ, and seriously…. look LONG AND HARD at your relationship. He’s using weaponized incompetence against you.
“I’m not good at it and it’s getting out of hand how much of a mess this house has become” – therefore also blaming YOU for the mess. He’s an adult, he can help. Even if he isn’t good at it, DOING IT will make him better.
JFC. And he brought 4 dogs into this house and HE isn’t taking care of them? And why are there multiple messes in the house?? Why aren’t all the dogs properly trained to go outside? He sounds lazy, and he’s gaslighting you. This is NOT a healthy relationship.” Goalie_LAX_21093
4. AITJ For Wanting More Attention From My Busy Mum?
“I (15M) want to spend more time with my mum (50F). For the past couple of months, my dad and I have noticed that I’m being ignored by my mum a lot more. I’ll give some examples: whenever we have dinner, she will be on her phone or watching the news, which is fine, but whenever I try to talk to her, she tells me to be quiet so she can focus or she’ll say that this story on the news is really important when it’s usually not.
It’s just something like a local store closing or something and after dinner, she just watches crappy reality shows and I’m not allowed to speak or she might miss something. After that, she just goes down to the lounge and talks with her friend from work about work and then she just ignores me.
At that point, I end up tired after my day and going to sleep.
So today, I asked her if we could spend more time with each other then I told her how I felt about her not paying attention to me, and in response, she told me that the past couple of weeks had been very busy for her and that she deserved a break once in a while and that dealing with work and my brother (who is just generally a trouble maker; he is 13) should justify why she can’t pay as much attention to me and that I had way more free time than her and that I should make time for her.
So, AITJ because she’s right; she has been busier lately and my bro has been taking up most of her time with his shenanigans after she explained this to me, it made me think maybe I’m just an inconsiderate brat who doesn’t make enough time for his mum so I decided to ask the hive mind that is the internet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a kid and wanting to spend time with your Mom, especially at 15, is a bit of a rarity she should embrace. While your mom is also entitled to needing to decompress and unwind, especially if work has been chaotic and your brother has required a lot of attention, that is not your responsibility to manage.
That is where your dad needs to step in as her partner and help her find ways to manage her responsibilities and stress appropriately.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve quality time with your mum. I understand being busy and stressed with work and wanting time to decompress away from everyone and peace, but your mum should invest time with you.
What I would suggest is taking one day out of each month, a Saturday or Sunday, when you and your mum spend time together just the two of you either at home or out on the town. Pick something fun or different each month and that will be your designated Mom-Son time.” NoCicada7951
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom's Passive-Aggressive Behavior During Movie Night?
“My mom chose a movie for our family movie night. I didn’t mind as it seemed mildly interesting. Two minutes into the movie, she kept asking my siblings and me if we found it boring. I was crocheting but watching the movie at the same time (as I usually do) and responded no. So did my siblings.
Twenty minutes later, my older brother got up to go somewhere and didn’t bother to ask to pause it.
I was seemingly engrossed in/with (I don’t know) crocheting but was still watching the movie as it was pretty slow and I read subtitles quite fast. My mom has seen me do that many times, even for movies or series I am obsessed with.
So I don’t know why she saw it as me being uninterested all of a sudden. She left Netflix and gave me this “if you didn’t like it just say so” look to make me feel guilty.
This isn’t the first time she’s made me feel like an ungrateful child for not partaking in something she set up when she’s the one who didn’t want it.
Sick of this behavior I told her that she could just choose another movie if she didn’t like the current one instead of trying to get someone else to say that they didn’t like it. She called me rude and went on and on about how she was being considerate of me because I didn’t seem to like the movie because I’d rather crochet than watch it.
I knew that she would keep bringing it up and yelling about it so I shouted “ok I get it” mid-rant. Because of that, my older brother took my mother’s side, solely because I was rude. I admit, shouting at her was rude but it was the only thing I could’ve done to get her off my back.
But was I the jerk (and rude ) for kinda calling her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—I watch a lot of movies while crocheting, knitting, embroidering, reading—I never simply sit and watch a movie empty-handed unless I am in a theater. I, too, have a family member who will do the same sort of passive-aggressive nonsense as OP’s mother, and I can assure you that it is a waste of time and energy to raise one’s voice to them or to try to make them understand that OP is capable of doing two things at once.” Strict_Condition_632
2. AITJ For Wanting To Back Out Of Being A Bridesmaid After A Stressful Bachelorette Weekend?
“I feel at a loss on what to do. A little backstory: I, 27F, was asked to be a bridesmaid at my friend’s (29F) wedding. We were roommates during college in 2014 and have been friends since then.
This past weekend was her bachelorette party and last night things went downhill so fast. I traveled over 3,000 miles to be a part of her weekend and stayed awake for 40 hours traveling to her.
The first night was super fun but things started going downhill Friday night when I ran into an old friend from home I stayed to catch up for a couple of minutes and I spent $60 on shots to make it up to the bride who was annoyed that I stayed back to talk to a friend for a couple of minutes.
She then makes me sleep downstairs alone when the rest of the girls are sleeping in her room upstairs.
Saturday was the worst day when we went out for drinks and when we started to go to different bars, the bride was already intoxicated, didn’t have her phone, and kept running off in a jam-packed bar in Nashville.
Eventually, the MOH snapped because the bride ran off again without her phone and we couldn’t find her. The bride just starts having a meltdown saying because she was yelled at, it ruined the night. The bride wouldn’t take responsibility for running off and scaring us and saying she couldn’t handle her emotions and I stayed quiet the rest of the night.
I kind of realized that the whole weekend I felt as if I was walking on eggshells around her because I was afraid of her having a breakdown like that and seeing she was still acting as immature as she was before. I just started a new chapter of my life and cut off people like that and I just feel very uneasy about what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ However, arguably, the worst of it is over. You are not in any way obligated to do so and you can back out if you want. But, depending on how much funds have been spent and/or how much planning has been made around you being in the wedding party and considering you’re close enough to the day of the wedding… you might be saving yourself more hassle and headache to just get through the wedding and THEN bow out of that friend’s life.
Unless you’re specifically prepared to deal with, or maybe seeking, the most dramatic, powder keg confrontation you can make of this situation.” EmergencyKind8967
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding (I saw her as a big sister) when I was around 19.
Unfortunately, we had a falling out that started after she asked me to be at the wedding, and plans were made, but before the actual wedding. It’s 10+ years later and I still think about the fact that I’m in wedding photos when we hardly spoke after that day.
If we both had been mature enough, I think it would have been better if I hadn’t been in the wedding.” candy-making-by
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. You’ve known this woman for 10 years, so you should have known what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to be a bridesmaid.
Next, you let her run off intoxicated without her phone when you should have been looking out for her. Also, it’s weird for you to expect an intoxicated person to take responsibility for their actions. Of course, she can’t handle her emotions when she’s intoxicated. That’s one of the symptoms of being intoxicated. Good on you for cutting people like that out of your life.
If you don’t want to talk to her ever again after this, I don’t blame you. You committed, and you even traveled forty hours to be at this wedding. If she’s still acting like this towards you when she’s sober, then maybe you can reconsider, but for the time being, chalk it up to her being intoxicated and let it go.
There’s a time and place to talk this out, and the day of her wedding is neither the time nor the place. Ideally, she sobers up before her wedding takes place. I’m concerned that she feels the need to get this intoxicated as part of preparing for her wedding.
That doesn’t bode well for the marriage’s future.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
1. AITJ For Using Power Tools During Daytime Despite Night-Shift Neighbors?
“I’m a self-employed, sole trader who has taken time off work to renovate my own house. I try to do all my large power tool usage (drop saws, grinders, routers, circular saws, etc) outside where the workbench is in large blocks, the reason for this is that there is a bit of setup with running power/clean up/using large material that can’t fit inside.
This is done for efficiency, not only practicality.
Unfortunately, I have new neighbors who today experienced a “big cutting day” for the first time and they work nightshift all week, every week. I started work at 9 am – two hours after the allowed 7 am power tool usage in my area and finished at 4 pm.
They were… Not very happy with me and used rather colorful language, I responded calmly, understanding that they are tired however the world cannot stop for them, this is quite literally my job. In addition, there is rain predicted for the rest of the week which would bring the project to a standstill if these cuts aren’t done.
For clarity, there is no space available to do this job anywhere else. They made the classic threat of being noisy with loud music at 3 am when my family is sleeping, to which I reminded them that is illegal, where I could be paying a tradesman to do the work and it’d be no different (as opposed to starting at 7 am).
They aggressively suggested I do it on weekends, however, that is when my family is not at work/school and I’d like to spend time with them. In addition, I believe this would negatively impact the most amount of people, with power tools being used when the majority are at home.
Bonus, I don’t want to annoy my new neighbors but I (clearly) do feel strongly that I wasn’t doing anything wrong and need Reddit’s view on the matter. I’ll update you with any clarifying questions as I can.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve worked the night shift for years.
Is it a pain when neighbors are using power tools or doing yardwork when I need to sleep? Yes. But I would never expect them to bend to my schedule. It’s reasonable for you to be noisy sometimes from 9 am to 4 pm. You’re doing actual work, it’s not feasible to make it quieter, it’s not like you’re blasting loud music or deliberately making extra noise.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Almost went No jerks here and would have if your neighbor had approached you respectfully about finding some sort of compromise. Would love to suggest things for you here my friend but…. It seems that most pathways to compromise are shut off.
Are you positive you can’t do this cutting at the site instead? Just to keep it peace with this neighbour?” fernincornwall
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!