People Try To Correct Their Behaviour In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Ex's Partner To Babysit Our Son?
“I separated from my 7-year-old son’s (Sean) mom (Amber). We have 50/50. Our custody agreement has several provisions about who pays for what. I am on the hook for childcare. We did have a sitter for the last few years but he said he was moving back home in January and would not be available after that.
Amber and I both have agreed on a lot of things including his sitter so neither she nor I can unilaterally hire someone to watch him. We were discussing the matter and she found someone to replace our sitter – her partner Jesse.
He moved in with Amber and they’ve been together for a couple of years.
She said he WFH and would love to spend time with Sean. I said is he expecting to be paid? She said of course and the same amount as our current sitter ($28 an hour).
I said no. I don’t know him well enough and I suspect this is more about my paying your partner to watch our kid than finding a proper sitter.
I don’t know how he drives. I don’t feel comfortable with him bathing him. I don’t know how reliable he is. I don’t even know if he wants to do it. There are other things about him that I’m not comfortable with. And I pay our sitter good money because he’s worth it and has a good relationship with our son.
Plus he and I have known each other for like 30 years (we met in middle school!) and would NEVER start a sitter off at $28 an hour.
Also, I’m not cool with anyone getting paid to watch my kid while on the clock for another job.
The whole idea upset me. We got into an argument about it. She insisted that they weren’t trying to double-dip on me (they both think I’m rich and they are having money issues).
We’ve been fighting over it so I said that I’ll take over babysitting stuff.
I also WFH and will make it work. She said she didn’t want me in her house and then accused me of trying to save money. I said no, this is about you trying to make money off watching our kid. I told her I’m not discussing this until November because it got heated and we have a sitter for another four months.
Just yesterday she asked if I’d be open to a compromise of her being the “sitter” on days or times when I have Sean but need a sitter. I said are you to expect me to pay you? She said yes. I told her no and she has to drop this ambition of getting paid to watch her kid.
She said could take unpaid time off work and that’s why she was suggesting it.”
Another User Comments:
“Not. Your child’s sitters need to be hired at arm’s length, not a person with whom one of you is romantically entangled so you’d be unlikely to correct them and it would be problematic to the relationship to fire them or see and address their childcare skills (or lack thereof) objectively.
And the notion of paying the parent? Nope. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. I would seriously be considering pushing this back to court to reassess the division of costs. surely you can each be required to cover childcare for your own time. Also, if they are struggling enough that they are trying to get paid to parent a child in their care it might be time to readjust the parenting plan so your little one isn’t affected by any financial instability.
You sound like a good dad asking appropriate questions, don’t let them drag you into their crazy on this. A qualified stranger is better than a distracted partner or mother any and every day of the week.” Sagah121
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your ex doesn’t sound like she’s going to agree to any babysitter other than herself or her partner If you can, hire someone to do a thorough background check on him.
Find a reputable daycare or babysitter then hire an attorney. You may have to go back to court to get this settled. No parent should be paid to babysit their child. From now on only talk through text about it. You may need the screenshots in court.” wlfwrtr
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom's Step-Daughter To My Baby Shower Due To Her Bullying My Daughter?
“I will be referring to the “step-daughter” as Mary.
I say stepdaughter in quotes because she (my mom) and her fiance are not married and have no plans of marrying each other anytime soon. That’s another story.
Anyway, I’m having a baby shower for my 2nd child. My mom and I were discussing RSVP and she said “I will be there and so will my fiance and Mary”.
I reminded her it was just girls who would be there and she said she forgot but that it would be her and Mary. I explained to her that I wanted her to be there for sure, but unfortunately, Mary was going to have to stay with her dad.
My mom asked if it was a kid-free baby shower and if my 4-year-old daughter would be there. I said yes she would be there. No, it isn’t child-free, but explained to her that Mary has been mean to my daughter in the past, every single time Mary is around my daughter she is snatching from her, pushing her, and just being mean.
They are the same age but Mary is not being disciplined at home and I don’t want to be worrying about whether or not my daughter is being bullied at the baby shower.
My mom said Mary is 4 years old and doesn’t know any better.
I said, “She should know better, my 4-year-old doesn’t go around pushing and being mean to children all of the time, and if she does that behavior is corrected and stops”. My mom took offense to this, I tried to keep the conversation short and said Mary is not allowed to come.
I think I’m being reasonable but my mom says that I’m being unreasonable and unwelcoming to “family”. She says she will keep an eye on Mary to make sure it doesn’t happen, but I don’t even allow my mom to have my daughter alone since she lives with Mary and her fiance, because there have been times when I have seen Mary shove my daughter into the pool, once into a ball pit, and just randomly snatching toys from her and being mean and my mom doesn’t do anything until I say something myself, then says how she doesn’t know any better.
My mom says she wants to bring Mary regardless or she might just have to send a present to my home and not come.
I have friends and family siding with me saying I’m being reasonable for not wanting to have to stress about Mary interacting with my daughter at the shower, but family who is siding with my mom and saying I should just invite Mary so my mom can come to the shower.
And they’ve also said I can just keep Mary and my daughter separate.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would’ve voted otherwise if I didn’t see that Mary had pushed your daughter into a pool. However, there seems to be some underlying tension in these relationships (at least, from what a stranger on the internet can see).
Has anything been done to try to help the relationship with Mary & your daughter? What’s the relationship like with you and your mom’s fiancé? For children, behavior is often communication. It might not be that Mary is just being mean to be mean, but that she has complicated feelings about the family dynamics that she doesn’t have a way to express except for acting out.” karaiguess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to justify this. You don’t have to invite Mary, and you don’t have to invite “family.” I assume that your mom is not the one hosting this shower, so it’s not her call. Who sent out the invitations?
Who invited Mary? I have a feeling a lot of such confusion is a result of inviting people on social media. This is so simple. You invite people to a function. They can come or not. If your mom doesn’t want to come without Mary then she doesn’t have to.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your shower and you have the right to say that Mary is not invited, no questions asked. Any reasonable mother should recognize that. If she chooses the stepdaughter over you, then that says a lot more about her priorities and character than it does you.
Also, I was a teacher and your mother will have to face and deal with these behavior problems when Mary starts school because the teachers will not tolerate it.” FlowerBombQuincey
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Son Over His Obsession With A Video Game Character?
“I (42F) have a 13-year-old son who has become obsessed with the character Kokichi Oma from a video game series he’s into. This started at least a year ago when I bought him the game on the PS4, where he would start getting merchandise of this said character; for example, pins, stickers, t-shirts, etc. He talks about the character non-stop sometimes, giving an analysis of the character, and if anyone says something about it, he will continue with his tangent even more.
My husband and I have found it incredibly annoying, but we’ve stayed silent because we don’t want to shut him down or hurt his feelings. He got a costume of him and has worn it in public, despite me going against the idea of him wearing it on casual occasions that aren’t like Halloween or a party, but he still does anyway.
He even started mimicking some of his personality traits.
I didn’t mind as much when it was small things like this, but the more time goes by the more his behavior starts to go more extreme. He constantly copies Kokichi’s script lines in conversations, which makes it hard for us to have a normal dialogue without him breaking out in some annoying voice line of his.
Over time his room is covered in posters related to the character, and he has had his phone case, lock screen, and home screen as this character.
Trust me when I say I tried to be patient, but I really couldn’t when he began mimicking Kokichi’s more problematic traits, like being extremely manipulative and disrespectful.
When I confronted him about this and expressed that it was negatively affecting his behavior and our family dynamic, I ended up taking out all of the stress that I’d bottled up over time and I ended up yelling. I told him that he needs to stop idolizing a character who promotes such negative traits and start focusing more on his real life and relationships instead of being stuck in this delusional phase of his.
He was really hurt by my reaction and ended up shutting down and went back to his room. Now it’s been 2 days since that conversation and it feels like I attacked something he genuinely loves and finds comforting.
I told some of my loved ones about this.
My sister and husband think I overreacted and should have approached the situation more calmly, while my dad and sister’s husband believe I was right to address the issue before it escalated further. While others think I should’ve stayed silent and just waited for his phase to end eventually, I genuinely don’t know how to process this situation and my son hasn’t talked as much as he usually does since then.
Am I a jerk? How should I process this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For a couple of reasons. First, the game in question is an M-rated game for a reason and isn’t appropriate for a 13-year-old to play through. Danganronpa V3 is a game where people are collected into a closed-off area and then forced to kill each other until one ‘wins’.
The themes are dark. If your son is emulating him, yes, some of it may be due to the flair the character has but there is a major tragic element as well if you know how his story ends. Second, you yelled instead of talking to your son.
If his actions were bothering you, it needed to be addressed along the way versus waiting till you were pent up. Lastly, if he enjoys games or other similar entertainment this much, it may bode well to learn about the community and be more involved with his interests so you understand them more if nothing else.” Necessary_Tangelo656
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not for bringing up the issues, just for letting out the bottled-up stress during a corrective moment. You were right to confront your son about mimicking the problematic traits of the character; that’s not acceptable. You shouldn’t have yelled, though; as difficult as it might have been.
You’ve had it all bottled up, but it wasn’t a good time to release that. You may have inadvertently hurt him badly by attacking his love of the character he has revolved his life around for a year. I’d recommend sitting him down, apologizing for yelling, and then explaining more calmly what the problem with his behavior is.” Surosnao
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He’s 13 so he’s at a point where he should know better, this is not normal behavior for someone at his age. I’m picking up some ASD traits from the description you provided, it might be a good idea to get him some counseling or see a psychologist. At the same time, you’re a parent so you shouldn’t lash out at your kid like that.
You said you’ve “stayed silent” to not hurt his feelings but IMO you should have just sat him down and openly communicated that you don’t like his behavior way before things escalated to this amount, you’re at fault for letting it get to this point and not seeking a solution earlier and lashing out on him when you couldn’t take it anymore.
Side Note: the game he’s playing is rated 17+ so that’s also an issue.” Realistic-Yard5286
18. AITJ For Correcting My MIL On How She Handles Our Puppy?
“My MIL (67, very active and healthy) has been staying with us (F/34, Husband/34, two kids 4&5) for three days because I am currently on bed rest awaiting a major surgery and my husband had to be gone for work. My MIL can be difficult and overbearing, speaking over me and butting into parenting moments.
Still, she cares a lot and has driven 3 hours here to help us. She has made meals, taken our kids on outings, and even gone grocery shopping. I am truly, deeply grateful for her help.
We have a 7-month-old pup who’s mostly my responsibility.
I have worked in animal care forever and have him well trained; people never believe me when I say he is only 7 months old. He’s almost always with me. With my MIL taking care of pretty much everything else our pup has gotten the short end of the stick and has had little exercise or stimulation for days.
I don’t blame my MIL for this at all, but his behavior has become a little more wild because of it.
MIL has resorted to yelling at him, tying him up, or locking him up. He has been having stress accidents in the house and barking which is abnormal. We live in a very rural area and don’t have close neighbors, dog daycares, or walking services.
My closest friends and family are an hour away. My sister will come up once a week to help. I’ve mostly kept my mouth shut about MIL’s decisions on handling our pup since she’s helping us out, but I’ve been getting really upset by her calling him “psychotic”, “out of control”, “nothing but trouble”, “never calms down” and other names.
I started saying things like, “Please try to remember he’s only 7 months old, everything has changed for him and he’s gotten no exercise in days”.
My husband came home tonight and 10 minutes later we had Zoom counseling. My MIL insisted the puppy stay with her while we went down to our meeting.
My husband heard me saying to MIL, “This is the time of night I would usually take him for a walk or play fetch, he probably won’t settle down without it. If you’re having a hard time with him please send him downstairs.” She called him a spaz and I made a comment like I mentioned above.
My husband later said I had been a major jerk for correcting his mom and insinuating that she needed to take him for a walk after everything she had done for us already. I think it’s cruel to be yelling at a puppy who’s not getting its needs met.
The whole counseling session I could hear him barking, and her yelling at him, and it turns out she just locked him up the whole time rather than send him down like I asked.
So, AITJ for correcting my MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – she’s doing so much for you that your own family (who lives closer) aren’t willing to find time to help with.
How exactly does she hurt your dog by calling it psychotic? Why can’t your husband walk your dog? Why schedule a Zoom session when your dog needs care? She’s there to help but to expect her to care for 2 young kids, cook for the whole family, do other household chores, and take care of your puppy is rather advantageous I think.
It seems like you are both putting a lot on her and not also doing what you can. E.g. take the dog off her hands. Don’t schedule things during the dog’s exercise time. Why does she have to do everything?” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“Though your MIL and husband are no angels, YTJ on the issue that matters most here. If you’re not happy with the situation, step up and take responsibility for your dog’s care, the same as you would do if your MIL wasn’t there.
I don’t necessarily approve of your MIL’s actions or of your husband siding with his mother over you. However, you cannot both accept your MIL’s freely offered help and in the same breath complain about the way that help is provided. If you don’t like what she’s doing, ask her to leave and take on the responsibilities yourself: it’s your dog, after all.
Alternatively, if you want her help, then accept that she will sometimes exhibit behaviors you don’t like, even after you raise these issues with her. Pick or the other… but you can’t have both.” sanctions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is a tough situation all around and your husband needs to be stepping up more.
Which is unfortunate given that you are already having relationship issues. I understand your MiL is frustrated by the puppy, but how she is handling it is making it worse and stressing you out which you don’t need right now. Honestly, your husband should be setting up FMLA (assuming you are in the US) but I understand not everyone can take unpaid time off and your two are already down your income for the time being.
If you haven’t, reach out to coworkers and see if someone can foster the puppy for a few weeks. Another idea that may not have occurred to you with everything that is going on, reach out to the local high school and see if they can help you connect with a kid with a driver’s license who could come to your house and walk/play with the puppy a couple times a week and burn some of that energy off.
Everything about this sucks and unfortunately, there isn’t a clear-cut answer. Hopefully, after your surgery everything resolves quickly and you can work with your puppy to correct any issues that have cropped up while you are unable to care for him like you would prefer to.” myssi24
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Invited His Mom On Our Trip Without Consulting Me?
“So my husband and I live in the United States, but we’re digital nomads so we like to spend six-month periods traveling abroad we traveled last year to Thailand and now this year we’re in Brazil exploring the northeast then going south.
We are Brazilians so our whole family lives in this country.
We’re doing different periods in different cities. We already did Fortaleza (1 month), and now we’re doing São Luiz (10 days), then Maceió (2 weeks), other cities in the south then each of us is going our separate ways to be in our hometowns for 2 months.
It’s just me, him, and our baby dog, enjoying our mighty time as a couple. However, just last night during dinner I found out that he and his mom decided BY THEMSELVES that she should come for the entire two-week trip to Maceió. Two weeks, with my mother-in-law, in a tiny apartment.
There is no going back, the decision has been made, flights booked, and everything.
Now I understand that he and his mom live in different countries, and they miss each other… but he is going to spend 2 MONTHS with her in his hometown at the end of the trip anyway, so that’s plenty of time to enjoy her company.
My point is: that I was completely left out of the decision. I believe as a married couple you should consult each other first before making decisions like this. Maybe asking “Babe, would you be ok if I brought my mom along to Maceió? For the whole two weeks?”
I would probably try to negotiate it down to one week, but he didn’t even allow me to share my input or whether I would be OK with it. This is a huge lack of respect for me because it shows that my opinion doesn’t matter and that he’s gonna do whatever he wants regardless of what I think and how I feel.
As if I just had to suck it up and accept it.
So this is what happened when I found out: Immediately I got into an argument with him during dinner (I was very discreet) where I was angry. I was telling him how upset and offended I was that I was completely left out of the decision.
He got extremely offended that I wasn’t 100% happy and excited that his mom was spending the two weeks with us (he believes I should be, even though it was a surprise to me), and he even went as far as physically removing his wedding band as a way of showing “either you accept my mom or we can go our separate ways”.
Later after dinner he even said things like “If you and I get divorced we’re sharing Penny (our dog)”. LIKE???!!!! Excuse me, sir?!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This dude is a jerk. First for not asking you if his mom could travel with him and second for his over-the-top, stupid, and petty theatrics.
Taking off his wedding ring? Giving you ultimatums? Asking about shared custody of your dog? Girl disregard that noise. I seriously would not travel with them. This is beyond petty, cruel, and controlling. He’s telling you to do what he wants without question or he will divorce you.
This is not a kind person. Disregard him and his mom. I’d change my ticket and go back home. This is just too much disrespect for me.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you stay with him be ready for him to pull the divorce card out every time he wants to manipulate you.
Divorce is not something that should be threatened lightly. Either he’s willing to end your relationship over this (actually crazy) or he doesn’t think you’ll call his bluff. Up to you whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like that.” louisianacat1
16. AITJ For Leaving My Parents' House To Avoid Cleaning Up After Them?
“I am a 30-year-old female with 2 boys on the spectrum of Autism. I recently moved out of my old townhome after being there for 3 years and originally wanted to move to Houston but decided to stay here in Virginia until I am in a better financial situation to leave because that is a pretty big jump.
Plus my parents were against it and asked me to live with them. I originally was going to go to a hotel until I moved out into a new apartment (I move in September) but decided to take them up on their offer.
Before moving in with them in July, I had an hour-long conversation with my mom and told her that I would pay her rent and utilities while I am here because I understood with my the kids being here their expenses as far as lights, water, etc would go up.
(I buy food, clothes, and other necessities for my kids.) She refused. I told her as an adult it would make me feel so much better if I paid her rent because I have been dealing with muscle fatigue, burning headaches, and dizziness to name a few (still trying to get a diagnosis) and I barely have the energy to do most things let alone clean their house which is 4 stories.
She refused and said she appreciated that but no thank you. Since I have been here, I clean the bathrooms, if they need anything I offer to go to the store or have it delivered, the kids go to ABA therapy for the whole day so they are not here making messes and I leave the house after the boys get back every day and usually just take them to the park while I sit and watch them play and we usually come back later in the night before bedtime.
I am trying to keep the boys out of trouble while we are here because my parents have things that can easily be broken.
Fast forward, it’s August and she mentioned me cleaning the kitchen. I don’t mind but she and my dad have a habit of making these somewhat large meals and then expecting the kids to clean up after them.
It’s always been like that since I was younger. I have other siblings that have dealt with the same thing. We cleaned the baseboards, and their bathroom, did laundry, polished the furniture, cleaned the floors, everything. But where I am physically at the moment, it’s difficult on top of raising two disabled boys.
She knows about the appointments and symptoms I have been having, but AITJ for leaving the house to avoid cleaning up after them even though I offered rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You don’t like to clean up after them, move out as you wish.
It seems like your parents just wanted a live-in maid. So move with a free conscience, let them clean their own as it sounds like they are quite capable.” PumpkinPowerful3292
15. AITJ For Being Upset At My Friend's Carelessness With His Allergy Before My Sister's Wedding?
“Jake (fake name) and I are both 20, and we’ve been good friends for a couple of months since I moved to this state with the help of my older sister. So when my sister announced she was getting married, I asked my closest friend Jake if he wanted to go with me since we both had never been to a wedding before.
He said yes and we were (but mostly I) counting down the days, because I knew my sister even considered marriage was very important since we came from separate moms.
I had reiterated multiple times the date of my sister’s wedding to my friend to make sure he had something to wear and what time I would pick him up.
He has a spam account on Instagram he likes to mess around on, and 2 days before the wedding he posted (direct quote)“So basically, both of my eyes are super swollen and kind of sticky. I think it might be because I had like three shrimp yesterday and so I woke up with an allergic reaction I already knew I was allergic to shrimp but I didn’t know that it would do this and usually just makes my throat close, but I just wanted to be sure so I ate some more shrimp and now my eyes won’t go back to normal.” I read this a bit shocked?
And honestly irritated because this situation sounded easily avoidable. And responded in the comments “take some Benadryl, what the heck”
We didn’t talk about it until the day of the wedding, where he apologized if his eyes looked a bit weird and reiterated he ate shrimp knowing it would cause an allergic reaction but this was not the one he was expecting.
I asked him why he would do that day before my sister’s wedding, especially if he predicted it to close his throat. He said the last time he had a reaction it only lasted for an hour and then he took Benadryl but yeah he looks “a little silly” lol.
He asked if I was mad and I said honestly it made me a bit peeved. I was already on edge because of family issues that morning, so maybe that heightened this situation in my mind but I told him it was weird he was putting himself in harm’s way before my sister’s wedding.
He responded that he “didn’t do it to spite me.” (???) And “It’s not like I’d have to go to the hospital”.
I could see where maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing. I’ve never had mild allergic reactions where I just pop a pill and deal with it, so I don’t know.
But it’s also like? Before my sister’s wedding? What would’ve happened if your throat closed and Benadryl wasn’t enough? It’s just worrying to think about, but it’s not my body and I don’t know what’s best for him I guess.
I talked to 2 different friends about it and asked if it was a bit weird and they both agreed, but I could be in an echo chamber. So, what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here tbh. He shouldn’t have been eating things he knew he’d have an allergic reaction to when your sister’s wedding was close, regardless of whether he knew how much it would affect him or not.
Though you also shouldn’t have gotten so angry at him, he made a stupid mistake. So long as it didn’t ruin the day, I’d say pack it in and move on.” TheSilverLining45
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, there are a million variables to triggering allergies, also, shrimp is amazing.
If I were allergic to shrimp I would just stock up on EpiPens and eat them anyway. Not a big deal, you are worried about your sister’s wedding so your reaction is understandable, but he didn’t do anything wrong.” Fair-Race-9155
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand his logic at all The issue of it being right before your sister’s wedding is important to you, obviously, but in my head, the bigger issue, as you said, is what if he knowingly ate something he was allergic to, knowing his throat would swell a bit, and suddenly a Benadryl/otc med isn’t enough Does he even have an epi-pen?
You’re not the jerk It’s wild to me that some people who want to live are so careless/reckless with their own lives” Zeeelfprince
14. AITJ For Wanting My Younger Tenant To Be Cleaner?
“I have owned my place and have been living alone in it for 3 years, but recently with the cost of living, I’ve had to get a housemate in the spare room to make ends meet.
They are 11 years younger than me, they’re 23, which I didn’t think would be an issue, but they are unbelievably messy. I’m talking Hoarders level messy.
I’m house proud and keep everything clean and neat, and their room looks like a literal pit. I’m talking McDonald’s wrappers that are a week old, pizza boxes on the floor, food scraps, dishes, and laundry covering the floor.
I would have thought that them knowing that I’m the owner would have meant a tiny bit more respect for the space. But that doesn’t seem to be the case at all. I understand that their room is their room, but if it keeps going this way, we’re going to have mice and roaches.
They keep the communal areas relatively clean – good, but not great. I find that I’m doing 90% of the cleaning in the bathroom and kitchen, but I don’t mind that as much. Because I’ve been here for 3 years, everything is mine. Items that I’ve cultivated and love.
Even the bed, rug, and wardrobe in their room are mine. I can already see stains on the rug, and they’ve only been here 2 months.
I’ll come home and they’ll be eating soup on the couch, soup bowl resting on the couch. If that spills, that’s money I’ll have to spend to get the couch cleaned. They’ve already spilled soup once on my rug and just patted it dry with a paper towel with no urgency, didn’t even clean it properly.
It’s a $3000 rug (got on sale… but still)
They’ll also do laundry and then leave their washing in the machine for days. The first time they did it, I hung it up for them because I figured they just forgot, then the second time they left it in there for over 24 hours and I sent a “don’t forget your washing!” text, third time they did it again and I thought to myself, I’m not their mum, I shouldn’t have to remind you every time you do laundry to hang it up when it’s done.
Without me reminding them, they left it in the machine for nearly 3 days. And the kicker is they then hung it up around the house without washing it again and the whole house stunk of damp.
The one massive pro – they have a partner and they spend a few nights a week at their place.
I cannot afford to not have a tenant in the spare room.
They are on a 3-month lease, with month-to-month after that. My question is, do I ask them to leave once their lease is technically up in a month, and try my luck again with another tenant?
Or is it okay to mention maybe to keep food out of their room?
I understand it’s a weird dynamic living with your technical landlord… tricky to navigate.
Am I the jerk for wanting her to keep her room cleaner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her room is her business, as long as it doesn’t impact you or your property.
It sounds like it is affecting your property. You have a right to not have stinky clothes hanging around, and she should keep her space clean enough that you don’t have to be concerned about pests. I’d sit down with her and lay out specific expectations.
Food is to be eaten only at the table, no food or beverages in her room, and laundry finished within a few hours. If she doesn’t agree or comply, evict her and include cleanliness clauses and expectations with your next tenant.” My2Cents_503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I came into this thread expecting to go the other way, to be honest, but this is extreme. Wanting someone to not leave food waste lying around is not unreasonable. The laundry…eh, that could be a sign of a variety of mental health or cognitive issues, but is really beside the point.
It doesn’t sound like this is a good match as a tenant for you. No shame in wanting to live with someone comfortable to live with. Give her ample notice, and find a tenant who will be a bit more clean” Shandrith.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, just a mismatch. You know most 23-year-olds have no idea anyone could or would spend $3000 on a rug in shared housing, right? I’m twice that and I think it’s an interesting choice. If your roommate is spending half their time outside the house already and everything is yours then probably they aren’t comfortable either. Have a conversation and see if they even want to stay. If they do tell them what you need from them. If they don’t, look for your next roommate with more clarity about what you want in a living situation including where you feel food is and isn’t appropriate and what the shared cleaning schedule would be.” KDPer3
13. AITJ For Telling My Employee About False Theft Accusations At Her Second Job?
“Alright, so I have an employee who has been working for me for about two years now. Being that I see her pretty much every day I’ve grown to know her pretty well and I think I’ve gotten a good idea about the type of person she is.
I could go through all of the reasons why I trust in her character but in general, she has just proven to be an honest and reliable person.
Every day before work I spend a few hours (doing work) at the coffee shop across from my business and I’ve also become friends with all of the workers there.
My employee as of two months ago also got a job there in the mornings for a couple of days a week. Off the bat, she started having issues with two of the people who work there in the mornings. I’ve had both my employee and the workers from the coffee shop explain their frustrations to me but I’ve never said anything about it to anyone.
The other day I was doing work at the coffee shop and I started to overhear the two workers talking to each other about the other people in the business and the things they don’t like about them. Of course, they end up talking about my employee and all of the things they don’t like about her.
They were talking loud enough for all of the customers to hear the frankly… rude things they were saying about all of the other workers.
Now normally I’d just leave it alone but they started saying how my employee was stealing money from the tip jar and the cash drawer.
I kept trying to ignore what they were saying but this went on for about 45 minutes in front of everyone in the shop. So I packed up my computer and as I was leaving I approached them and said that my employee wasn’t the type of person to steal from them.
It rubbed me the wrong way because, at a certain point, it became an actual issue rather than just gossip.
So here’s where I’m not sure if I’m the jerk. I texted my employee saying that I don’t think she should work there anymore.
She asked me why and I said it’s just not a good environment for her. She kept asking questions and eventually, I told her that two of the workers were saying you stole from them and that I was worried it could become a bigger problem.
Anyway, she confronted them about it and tried to clear things up; long story short she’s going to keep working there. The only reason I said anything is because I wouldn’t feel right knowing that she’s going to work every day with people who are saying outright malicious things towards her that could be harmful to her and her career.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You did the right thing. The golly gossip girls were rude and immature they acted extremely inappropriately and said someone stole loud enough that the Customers could hear them?! I’m glad you told her” Over-Ad-3738
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you trust your employee and she was being spoken about rudely and publicly accused of being a thief.
If I was in the same position I would want to know. Buy your coffee from better people.” Individual_Metal_983
12. AITJ For Providing Evidence That My Neighbor Took A Misdelivered Package?
“So the other day I received a knock at the door, it was a postal worker asking about a package that had been delivered four days ago. I asked for context and he said it was a package meant for my next-door neighbor. I told him that I saw a package delivered but maybe seven minutes later I saw my neighbor come to my door and take it.
I wasn’t expecting anything so I had assumed it was just delivered to the wrong door. He asked me if I had any evidence of it not being in my house, or else he was going to make a police report against me for theft. (Here is where I sent a text to said neighbor asking if that package was meant for him).
I was kind of floored but I showed him the security footage from my front door with time stamps for that day. It showed him delivering the package at 3:04 and then my neighbor picking up the package at 3:07, not sure how my neighbor was so quick to know his package was at my house but it was all so quick I just assumed that the package was meant for him.
The postal worker seems excited and angry at this point and asks me if I can provide him with this footage. I think this will clear me of any wrongdoing, I of course provide him with the footage. I wasn’t assuming any wrongdoing from any parties but I’ve never heard of postal workers coming to investigate missing packages so I’m curious.
I asked him about it and he told me that my neighbor had filed a complaint today (four days after the wrong house delivery) saying he never received his package. This is the 20th time this year alone that he has claimed to not have gotten his package, but that in previous years it has been more.
But now the company this postal worker works for had decided maybe it was him stealing their packages so they were going to start garnishing his wages in the amount of money lost because this was the first time the company had “investigated”, usually they just refunded my neighbor the money for the items in the package.
We chat a while longer, he apologizes for the mix up and thanks me got the footage and then he leaves. That night my neighbor texts back that he got his package and that this company never delivers to his door so he figured to check next door when it was marked delivered. I tell him the postal worker came to my door asking if I had taken it but I told the worker my neighbor picked it up.
My neighbor then proceeded to call me a jerk for intervening because he was trying to teach them a lesson for delivering to the wrong house.
So am I the jerk for providing evidence against my neighbor even though it saved me from legal trouble?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were being accused of stealing the package and you just provided proof that you hadn’t. What else were to supposed to do to get charged for theft? Tell your neighbor you aren’t interested in playing in his silly games and that he is the jerk for involving you and trying to frame you.
And if he keeps this nonsense up, he’ll be getting a visit from the local police.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you provided evidence that a parcel you were suspected of stealing was in fact picked up by someone else. But this whole story is bizarre unless your postal system works completely differently than any I’m familiar with.
Delivery workers don’t investigate fraud. If you did have an investigator turn up, I doubt they’d give you a list of all the times your neighbor claimed compensation for lost packages. They’re in the business of collecting information, not handing it out. I can’t imagine a driver being charged for the contents of a stolen package – they’d simply be fired if there was evidence of theft. Why would a delivery service be responsible for the contents of the parcel if it was stolen?
If it was damaged due to their mishandling, just maybe…. but the delivery driver wouldn’t pay up (but might be fired if the damage was due to his competence). The employer would be on the hook. Honestly, when someone makes a bizarre claim that they’re going to report me to the police or have me arrested, my first thought is “scam”, like all those phone callers who tell you that the police are on their way but will be called off if you buy gift cards for the caller.
Only your visitor didn’t try to get money out of you.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“I know of someone that would constantly steal the package and say they never received it. He would order high value merchandise, gold, diamonds, fur, etc. Since each package value was in the thousands eventually they got the FBI involved. They set up a sting, took pictures of the contents, and delivered the package.
When he called to say he never received the package, the FBI got a warrant for his home. They found a lot of merchandise that he “never received” and arrested him. He got into a lot of trouble and spent some time in jail. The twist, he ended up marrying one of the female FBI agents.
I guess work romance can happen anywhere.” 18k_gold
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Addict Friend For Ruining My Birthday Party?
“I (34) have a friend, “Kelsey” (32), who struggles with a severe substance use problem. Her partner is also an addict and heavy drinker but denies addiction is real. She switched from one substance to another, downplaying its severity and claiming it was just her “thing.” Despite a high income and low expenses, she often begs for money for her pets’ vet bills due to spending hundreds weekly on her habit.
Her behavior has worsened over the past two years, and she frequently lies about her substance use, blaming her disconnection on diabetes, even though there’s clear residue around her nose.
In the past year, Kelsey has had several alarming incidents, including going into a stupor while holding a butcher knife, screaming at her partner in front of me, and having substances delivered to my house while claiming sobriety.
When I voice concerns, she either dismisses or gets angry with me. She equates substance use with smoking or drinking. At her last birthday party, she was so impaired that she flailed on the dance floor and accidentally hit people. Her dad asked me about her substance use, but I lied because she had requested I not disclose it.
For my birthday party, I invited Kelsey despite my reservations, making it clear that it was a family-friendly event where substance use was unacceptable. However, she got excessively intoxicated and high, leading to inappropriate actions like insulting a 7-year-old and making disturbing comments about dog training.
Some guests chose not to stay for the later BBQ due to her behavior, and others suspected her of dealing.
Towards the end of the evening, I suggested playing Telestrations, but Kelsey and her partner were disruptive. She insulted me, saying my “autism was messing up” and I was ruining the fun.
Frustrated, I yelled at her, saying it wasn’t about my autism but that she and her partner were too high. I pointed out it was the third consecutive year she had been too messed up at my party and mentioned the visible residue on her face.
They left, and I apologized to my guests for my outburst, explaining it wasn’t isolated. Over the next few days, guests reached out to support me, saying they understood why I acted the way I did.
I later sent Kelsey a letter apologizing for how I yelled but making it clear that her behavior was unacceptable and hurtful.
I told her I needed to step away for now but hoped she could turn her life around. She responded with a letter obsessively praising my husband and making personal attacks against me. She accused me of being terrible and claimed several guests apologized to her for my behavior, saying everyone was too afraid, to be honest with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Addiction is hard. Right now, that’s not your friend. That’s someone else. I think you’re justified to take some time. It’s tricky because she may need support but it sounds like you’ve tried before. At this party, she broke your rules and requested one too many times.
You’ve asked her not too nicely, and she didn’t respond to that, therefore, I think the lash-out was justified. If anything, you were too kind. I’d have kicked her out as soon as she turned up like that” God_Jerry24601.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She showed up at your last two parties “messed up” and she gets impaired enough at parties that she accidentally hits people. How much more warning did you need that she wasn’t an appropriate guest for your family-friendly party where kids would be present?
Kelsey is a jerk in general, but you bear some blame for assuming you could just tell a chronic addict to stop using for a bit and it would be fine.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk for inviting your friend–who you knew from experience would get intoxicated and high, be disruptive, and possibly bring substances with her–to your family birthday party.
Did you think she was going to magically stop being a substance user and a mess because you said the party was family-friendly? If she gets sober, sure, give her another chance, but letting her inflict this behavior on your family and guests was a choice you made.” Scrabblement
10. AITJ For Complaining About My Upstairs Neighbors' Noisy Children And Their Invasion Of Our Shared Space?
“I will make this as short as I can. I (25F) live with my roommate, Jenny (24F) and we moved to the bottom unit of a duplex home. When we moved in nobody was staying in the upstairs unit. About 5 months after we moved in, our landlord rented the upstairs unit to a couple with 3 children (9M, 12F, and 13M).
My roommate and I work full-time and also go to school. Needless to say, we were already apprehensive about a family with young children living upstairs but there was nothing we could do. We noticed rather quickly that the family is very closed off and the only one who speaks to us is the mom, who is very nice for the most part.
We thought it may not be so bad after all.
Over time the children started being children of course and have been running up and down the halls and screaming as they’re playing, for hours on end. Not only this but we also have a shared backyard that they have completely overtook with all their toys and balls just scattered around the yard never to be cleaned up.
The last straw was when we went outside to see the backyard covered in baby things (cribs, play structures, toys, etc…) just scattered around covering the entire yard. To make matters worse, we saw they had placed a baby gate to cover our staircase leading to the yard.
The mom explained this was to keep her children away from our unit, I was immediately ticked off as her children are old enough to understand not to come downstairs to our unit as that is no longer part of the shared backyard. Then I found out all the baby stuff is things she bought to open a daycare and will be storing them there in the meantime.
I will be honest, I don’t mind children, but I will not sacrifice my comfort for someone else’s children. I don’t want to constantly complain about the noise, I just want them to be mindful without me asking. Well, I reached out to my landlord who is trying to get me to be understanding of their situation as they are “nice” and “kind”.
Well to be honest when I moved houses the main thing I did not want was to deal with any children. I don’t want to have to be understanding towards children I don’t even want to be around. I just want to live my life like an adult.
So I have been complaining about this to my landlord, because the times I have asked the family to be quiet, they act shocked and don’t know what “noises we are talking about”.
AITJ for complaining?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is beyond “Kids are annoying but it’s part of living in society.” I would expect 9-13yos to be completely capable of not invading your space, not making excessive noise, and putting away toys when not in use.
Taking over the shared backyard and even gating you out of it (even though it’s just a baby gate) is something your landlord should put their foot down about. Keep on them.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is shared space, if your landlord doesn’t want to make her clean it up so you can use the space, tell him you want money off the rent.
He will probably make her clean it up then. If she doesn’t then you can make a mess outside using the “shared’ space idea you can do as she does, but start looking for a new place. There are children everywhere, you can’t live child-free and the kids make noise but this seems crazy excessive and you are allowed a standard of living.
You can record the hours of children running and the noises and file a complaint against your landlord, depending on your state. You can take pictures of the yard and send them to your landlord and request a refund for the days you do not have access to the shared yard as I am assuming it is part of your lease agreement.
Check with your county/city and see if she requested a daycare license. Since it is a shared space she may be required to have you and your roommate listed as having access to the children.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – borrow a dog and let him out in the yard I promise the things will be destroyed or picked up asap Also tell the landlord about her nursery plans because that will mess up your life If worse comes to worst leave giant bottles of booze and everywhere so all the parents won’t want to leave their kids there.” WarDog1983
9. AITJ For Leaving My Mother To Stay With My Aunt After Revealing My Depression?
“I’m (19F) and I lost my father (43M) in a car accident a year ago. Since then, I’ve been struggling with depression. My mom (41F) was also deeply affected, and her way of coping has been through the church. She’s almost always there, really involved in all their activities.
I don’t have a good relationship with religion. I’m bisexual and felt unwelcome the one time I went to her church. The discussion there was borderline hate speech, not just against LGBTQ+ people but also against other religions. My mom keeps trying to convert me, which has led to fights, and my depression has only gotten worse.
Earlier this month, my aunt G. (my dad’s sister) came to visit. We went out to dinner, and when I wasn’t drinking, she asked why. I explained that I was starting a new medication and didn’t want to mix it with booze.
My mom was uncomfortable and tried to change the subject. My aunt said it’s normal to feel depressed after such a loss and suggested I make a change to help me move forward. That’s when she invited me to stay with her as long as I wanted. G.
lives in a neighboring country, that speaks the same language as us. I saw it as an opportunity, and we talked a lot about it over dinner.
When we got home, my mom was furious. She yelled at me, saying I shouldn’t tell people I’m depressed because “nobody cares” and accused me of just trying to get sympathy points from my aunt making her look like a bad mother.
After that, I started to withdraw even more, just going to work and then staying in bed. I didn’t want to eat, and I felt completely misunderstood and out of place.
My aunt invited me again one week ago, and I decided to take the risk.
I’m leaving this Friday to stay with her for two months. My mom hasn’t been happy about it. We’ve had more arguments, with her accusing me of rejecting her solution (church) but accepting my aunt’s (making a change).
Yesterday, just three days before I left, I found out she was trying to rent out my room.
She posted about it in a social media group and has been talking to girls from her church. Legally, the house is ours—50% hers and 50% mine. The bills aren’t that high, and I could cover half if she wanted, but she hasn’t even asked. I guess it’s not about money; it feels like she’s just trying to make me feel bad.
I tried to talk with her, but she refused to talk about it. She told me she’s going to do whatever she wants because I’m doing whatever I want. She’s still saying I shouldn’t have told my aunt in the first place and that I’m a jerk for that.
So, am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make sure you get your 50% of the rent. Talk with a lawyer before you leave to draw up a contract between you and your mom about that, and also a tenancy agreement for the potential renter.
Might as well get yourself some passive income before you head out on the next chapter of your life. I’m sorry your mom is more attached to her beliefs and her public image than her actual daughter.” HughMadboro
Another User Comments:
“The nerve of your mom. If “nobody cares” then there’s no reason for her to flip out at you. If her religion is any one of them that uses a Bible, she can’t deceive you out of what you are owed or spend time trying to make you feel bad and claim to be a follower.
Religious mistreatment is a thing. And her church won’t help your depression if you’re forced into it either. You’re NTJ, and you WNBTA if you chose to force the sale of the house either. (Churches like that eventually start claiming assets and are good at snaking stuff away and keeping it regardless of legality.) I’m so sorry for your loss.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is part of a hate group and has been abusive, and you absolutely shouldn’t live with her right now. Maybe she’ll come around when she deals with her issues, but maybe not. Everyone deals with grief at their own pace.
You should look into how to protect your rights to the house. Can you get her to get a mortgage and buy you out? Can you veto renters if she’s not sharing revenue? You should check if there’s a lawyer that can help you sort it out.
If you’re heading for a blowout and going low contact, you don’t want your assets entangled. It may be premature to take any action but you should understand the situation.” ProjectJourneyman
8. AITJ For Quitting As My Best Friend's Singing Partner And Insulting His Dreams?
“I (16M) have been singing with my best friend (also 16M, we’ll call him Aidan) at local venues for a few years now. He has a dream of putting on a performance even better than one he saw as a kid that’s become sort of a legend in our town, and so he asked me if I could be his singing partner.
My dad is a pianist and raised me to be the same, but I decided to quit when I was in middle school and I still feel guilty about it. He always made me play piano all day long and wouldn’t let me hang out with friends or go on school field trips or do anything fun in my spare time, but I still feel bad about leaving all that behind when he put so much effort into teaching me.
I only picked up singing to escape piano; I find it really fun. But Aidan is way more serious about it than I am.
Anyway, there’s this one girl we know who Aidan really respects (16F, we’ll call her Anne), and they have the same dream.
She recently found a singing partner of her own (15F), but the new girl is super inexperienced, so Aidan thought Anne wasn’t taking singing seriously anymore and got kind of offended about it, calling them half-hearted and stuff.
Anne’s friend recently proved herself to actually have the drive to reach their dreams, so Aidan begrudgingly apologized for being mean and said he approved of them.
I, on the other hand, realized I’M the half-hearted one, since I’m only singing to escape my dad– and because I thought it’d tick him off– and if Aidan hated Anne’s partner so much for that, then he probably didn’t want me around, either. I’m pretty sure I was only dragging him down and stopping him from reaching his dreams, so I felt really bad and decided to quit being his singing partner.
I knew Aidan wouldn’t let me break up with him if I told him the truth, so I basically lied and told him his dream was super childish and stupid and the music we perform together is totally meaningless, and that he needs to grow up.
I meant well, since I knew he could be happier without me, but I knew all the things that would make him the most upset and said them. I’m also maybe the only person he trusts, since his parents act like he doesn’t exist and his personality makes it hard for him to find friends.
He got really mad and almost cried and ran off, and now we’re not speaking to each other, like I’d planned on, but I DO think it’s better this way, right? This way I’m not being selfish, and I’m letting him go?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So… you’re thinking that lying to your friend AND telling him his dreams are BS and stupid was the best course of action, instead of just saying “dude, I’m just not into this” and explaining why? So I hope it was worth it to hurt your now ex friend?
WTF man? YTJ” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yikes. Why on earth would you think insulting him and making fun of his music and dreams was a better option than the truth? Who cares if Aidan gets a little pushy? You just say “no.” He can’t MAKE you sing with him.
Do you think lashing out at him so you could avoid dealing with a possible minor annoyance was the right call?” BlueBumbleb33
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but accidentally. You did try your best to save his feelings, but you likely made it a lot worse.
I think you should try to reconcile with Aiden, and explain your situation and the actual reason you broke up with him. It would probably make you a lot less of a jerk. It might not have him become friends with you again, and I wouldn’t blame him, but it might help the situation and have him at least somewhat understand why you did that.
You meant well, but you don’t seem to be the best at understanding other’s feelings. So, you’re the jerk, but you can probably make it better in the future, but also don’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to become your friend again even after you explain your side.
You tried your best, but it could’ve been a lot better.” Summerlovesyou4ever
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Back My Partner's Loan From Her Mother?
“I (23M) met my partner (20F) at university. I dropped out due to a job offer and planned to stay there in the town that the university was in around 2 years ago, as the offer is for a job that won’t start for a few years yet (this is normal in my field).
My partner failed last year at uni, due to stress and family matters & over the summer decided that she wanted to be closer to her family.
We agreed to move to my home town, as it’s only around a 90 minute commute from where her family lives, along with it having a great job opportunity for me in the short term & a university that she could transfer to a 40-minute commute away.
We found an apartment, not a great one admittedly, which demanded an upfront charge that was quite a bit more than we (being uni students) could afford. Her mother agreed to lend her the money that we needed to cover the difference between what we had and what we needed, saying that she needed to be paid back relatively soon; we agreed.
We signed for the house as co-tenants and agreed between us to share finances in relation to the flat (a shared account for rent, bills, council tax, etc).
After around 6 weeks in the new place, my partner decides that she doesn’t want to commute to the uni that she was going to move to student accommodation instead, I didn’t like the idea, as it would cost us a lot, but agreed, as we could afford it with my job and it would mean no commute for her every day.
I’m just going to throw up simple numbers to keep it simple: her mother lent us £2,500; the overall cost of the tenancy is in excess of £10,000. My partner agreed to pay off her mother and that I would pay the rent alone, as I’d now be living alone; again, I agreed as it wasn’t a huge deal to me.
Here’s where the issue comes in: she now wants me to pay her back the £2,500 that she gave to her mother. She argues that she didn’t like the place we got, she didn’t like the commute and she needs the money more because I earn more.
I was honestly offended that she would go so far as to ask me to not only cover the rest of the tenancy alone, but now to also pay her back for what she already paid into it. I refused point blank and it’s now become a huge mess with many arguments.
Am I being unreasonable here? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that she doesn’t want to and may not be able to afford paying back her mother but it’s pretty bad to just assume you’d do it. If it wasn’t for her and the agreement you guys made, you likely would have never taken that money.
She should have voiced her opinion about the apartment BEFORE yall signed a lease. Are you paying for her university too?” sweetn0th1ngs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….seems unreasonable for you to take on £10,000 worth of expenses by urself despite it being 50/50 initially. Not sure what ur Job pays to be able to take this on but you will eventually look back at it as a waste of money.
Sounds her uni a 40min commute, dunno if she got a car or bus but it’s 40mins is not that bad. Seems she wants an excuse to mayb be out or doesn’t want to deal with having a serious relationship now.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not being unreasonable. She is. She decided that she didn’t like the apartment or the commute and that was enough to move out? She’s shown you who she is. Believe her. I’d cut her loose too. Absolutely not worth a lifetime of headaches.” Nevermore_Novelist
6. AITJ For Confronting An American Claiming To Be Irish And Insulting Me For Being British?
“I (26M) am British, I am also a dual Citizen UK/Ireland, this is important to the story.
While travelling I was staying in a hostel and a group of us there decided to go out to some bars, one of the group was an American guy let’s call him J.
For some reason J immediately took against me it started with a few jokes he made about me being British, which I can take, with the bland food bad weather type stereotypes. As the bar crawl kept going he was getting more and more inebriated and making more and more comments, for instance he just started referring to me as “The Limey” and was constantly saying things like he celebrated when the queen died. It was no longer funny and was just all the time making jabs about where I am from.
I’m hardly patriotic and will be the first to complain about my country but there was a point where I was getting offended and it was personally directed at me, started imitating and mocking my accent etc.
Eventually I got annoyed and asked him why he thought he had a right to constantly be dunking on me and what his problem was with Britain.
J’s comment was along the lines of “I’m Irish so it’s allowed for me to constantly hate on Britain, my family came to America because of the Famine” and a bunch of other comments like that, at this point I was a bit inebriated and had lost my temper so I responded by waving my Irish passport in his face.
I asked him questions like if he had ever actually been to Ireland, knew any family there or knew anything about Irish culture. Which he barely knew anything, didn’t know of any family and the only time he ever spent in Ireland was a week in Dublin.
I started lecturing saying that a lot of Irish people had immigrated to the UK and that after his family spent over 100 years in the United States he barely had any right to consider himself Irish let alone think it’s acceptable to just hate on random people from another country.
The other people on this bar crawl had noticed me losing my temper and laying into the guy and called me a jerk since he was only joking, and it’s stupid to play the I’m more Irish than you game and should have just asked him to stop earlier.”
Another User Comments:
“If you hadn’t said that y’all were on a pub crawl, I would have been convinced that this is middle school, and he has a crush on you. Bashing someone’s country of origin is not joking–it’s being a jerk. NTJ for shutting him down.
Irish Americans can be really weird–when I was little, my grandmother described what Cromwell did with such vitriol that I thought it had happened in her lifetime.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So glad you told this idiot some facts. This happens in Scotland all the time too.
Americans who have done an ancestry test and get some percentage “Scotch” and think I give a darn. It gives me such big cringe. Unless you’re made of egg and breadcrumbs, or tape, you’re not Scotch. Like, I have Italian grandparents on my dad’s side somewhere down the line, but I’ve never been to Italy, I don’t speak Italian, I have zero connection to any Italian family or the country.
I can look at a family tree and find an Italian last name if I go back a few generations. That’s it. Do I feel the need to run around shouting that I’m 5/8ths Italiano and how much I love pasta? No. Stop it.
On behalf of the rest of the darn world. Stop.” Ktsuming
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He isn’t Irish, he is an American and a guest to the country. Just choosing to be obnoxious and inebriated. Tourists can have fun while continuing to recognize there are often areas you want to avoid (like politics in the US right now).
Saying something about the queen’s passing would likely just be like badmouthing Trump in Idaho with the difference being they carry handguns in Idaho. I am Canadian with the Irish side coming over through Montreal around 1805 and Empire Loyalists coming up out of the US through the maritimes.
Grandfather on one side (Kelly) was a Catholic but converted to Anglican for marriage. Long story short I finally did a DNA test and came up about 54 Scottish, 30+ Irish. I wouldn’t dare to call myself any of those while visiting any of those countries and didn’t the last time when we spent time on the islands.” pastmybestdaze
5. AITJ For Withholding My Information From My Partner's Mom After Getting A Ticket In Her Car?
“I (27F) recently got a photo-enforced ticket while driving my partner’s (26M) car. He was in the car when it happened and I apologized profusely for it. He said it wasn’t an issue and that we’d pay for it together. I told him to let me know when the ticket arrived in the mail so I could help take care of it.
A week or two passes and the ticket arrives at his house. Turns out, he’s not registered to the car and the car is instead registered under his mom’s name, who he lives with. For context, my partner and his mom don’t have a great relationship so this didn’t help.
She gets upset but he tries to reassure her that we’re going to take care of it. He lets her know that we’re going to call the courthouse and explain that it wasn’t her driving and get the whole thing sorted out.
After hearing this, she takes it upon herself to call the courthouse herself and tell them the situation. My partner is annoyed by this because he doesn’t want to involve her and I hear that they fight about it. I also hear that she says some choice words about me that my partner refuses to repeat to me so this makes me uncomfortable and sad.
I understand she’s upset but that’s why we’re trying to take responsibility for the ticket.
Fast forward to today. They sent her new paperwork in the mail with a slip for me to fill out so they could send/transfer the ticket to me.
My partner takes the slip and brings it to me, saying that she needs my information. I fill it out but comment about not wanting to share my information with her. After hearing about things she’s done to my partner and his dad and now knowing that I’m no good in her book, I want to distance myself as much as I can until all this blows over.
My partner assures me he won’t give the slip to her and will personally go to the courthouse to mail my information. I go to work as normal. Suddenly he’s texting me that she’s following him to the courthouse and demanding to take a picture of my information.
He refuses and they fight in the courthouse. She tells my partner that I’m no longer welcome in her house. Now my partner is upset and I’ve wrecked any hope of having a civil relationship with his mom.
So am I the jerk for withholding my information or is there an actual legal reason that she needed my information?
I’ve never had a ticket transferred to me before so I’m not sure if maybe there’s a step I’m missing and I can’t find answers on Google.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Photo enforced fines generally do not put points on your driver’s license so it doesn’t affect your (or rather the mother’s) driver’s license or her insurance rate.
You just pay the fine and move on with your life. Is there any particular reason for a need to transfer the ticket to you just for you to pay the fine anyway? Have you found out if the ticket even affects your driver’s license (usually somewhere on there it will say something about the violation not being reported to your driver’s license or some such)?
I think the mother is just being difficult unless this ticket somehow will affect her insurance rate or something. I don’t think you are a jerk for not wanting to share your sensitive information.” zzWoWzz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s being a jerk. Look, she sounds… difficult.
At the same time, based on the relationships involved or lack of one, I can’t say that if someone got a ticket in MY car I wouldn’t also want my proof of the information being sent, and having my copy. Put it this way, if you got in a car accident, you’d be expected to exchange license and insurance info to cover your behind.
I don’t think her wanting this info for the ticket that’s currently charged to her is out of bounds.” cuervoguy2002
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s being a jerk The reality of this is you got a ticket in your partner’s mom’s car. If the registration is in her name, so is the title.
Since this puts points on her license, I can see why she’d be irate about putting the ticket in your name and getting the info necessary to do it. Perhaps her manners need some work, but she’s right in wanting this action to take place.
I would. What info is needed depends on the jurisdiction. I can’t comment on if the info is needed or not. I’d imagine some basic info like driver’s license number is needed otherwise anyone can just transfer photo tickets to anyone at will without much info.
Not sure why you refer to this as “our responsibility” Your partner is not involved here really. The ticket belongs to his mom, and you are the responsible party. The fact you folks can’t trust each other enough to figure this out without drama just foreshadows how more serious issues in the future may go for you.
Did you ever question why your almost 30 partner who doesn’t get along with his mom is driving his mom’s car and passing it off as his own? Seems like a red flag to me.” Swamp_Donkey_7
4. AITJ For Telling My Step-Mother To Mind Her Own Business After She Eavesdropped On A Personal Conversation?
“I’m 17F and my big brother is 23M. Stepmother Abby moved in only 6 months ago.
About 2 years ago I got into an obsession with my weight and ended up losing to a BMI of 18. It wasn’t good at all, I didn’t look nice or healthy and I wasn’t feeling great either. I worked with my family and therapist to get over the obsession, and increased my weight to BMI of 22 including increasing some lean weight as well.
This has been a very good change for me, I look better and feel better, and my doctor told me I am healthier too.
I’m doing an intense summer internship right now and haven’t been eating as much as I should in the last few weeks.
My BMI has gone down to just under 21 now. This last weekend I was going to the beach with my family and my brother who hadn’t seen me in a bikini in a while mentioned (when we were alone) that I’d lost weight and he was worried. I assured him I hadn’t gone back to trying to lose weight, and this was mostly due to being busy and promised that I wouldn’t let this go any further and would make changes to eat enough and properly.
What I didn’t know was that my stepmother was eavesdropping this conversation. A day later she came to me and said she was “concerned” that my brother commented on my weight, saying it’s never okay for a man to comment on a woman’s weight, no matter if they’re family.
She said my brother crossed a line and I should not have explained anything or made any promises.
I was taken aback by all of this, more than anything that she had eavesdropped on a private conversation, so I told her that I didn’t like what she did and said it was her who needed to apologize to me, not my brother!
My brother was also only concerned because of a real and serious problem that I struggled with, so I think he was justified to be concerned when he noticed I had lost weight.
She tried to justify her actions by saying she was concerned my brother was bullying me for my weight, and I was being too submissive by listening to him, when this was not the case at all.
So I got angry and told her she was insane and to get lost. Now she’s gone to my dad, and while dad agrees brother and I did nothing wrong initially, he said disrespecting stepmom was wrong and I should apologize. I’ve so far refused, it’s her who owes us an apology for eavesdropping.
Since then we’ve not been on speaking terms and it’s caused serious tension at home. I’m not backing down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you followed one of my most basic rules “don’t tell me what to do and I won’t tell you to get lost”, your stepmom told you what you should do when she had no business, nor knowledge necessary to give any advice and you did exactly what every sane person would to someone who intrudes in other people business – send her on her merry way to get lost :)” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could have been No jerks here or E S H but I think if she were concerned about that type of conversation she should have backed down and not made excuses. She could have approached that type of conversation in a myriad of ways and responded to your answering his concern about your health.
You had a reason to be upset and she’s honestly not going to be someone you have any respect for. You’re 17. Is there a reason you can’t just be at home with your mum? I think there are going to be other reasons for discord and tension.
This won’t be the end of tensions between you and her.” Xiaoshuita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t know why so many folks think stepmom was concerned. Stepmom was NOSY and followed OP and brother to listen in on their conversation. She waited until the next day to say anything… probably took her that long to figure out how to make their interaction negative.
Talk to your actual mom and your brother about this. They will reassure you, I’m sure. If possible, tell your dad that stepmom needs to mind her own business.” RightLocal1356
3. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Help With Household Chores When He's Mostly Living At My Place?
“I (42f) have been together with my partner (36m) for over a year and the relationship has been pretty drama-free so far.
For the past six months, he has been spending roughly 6 out of 7 days at my place with me and my kiddo (6m) from a previous relationship. We mostly hang out here because I have to be there for the kiddo and because he has roommates, and I don’t.
To be clear, I love having him around.
A few months after he started spending so much time here, I asked him to start helping with the household chores, though only ones which he contributes (cleaning and garbage) or from which he benefits (laundry and cooking and use of my car).
I do the great majority of all work associated with my son, as well as the majority overall in the household (really, I only ask that he does the garbage, helps with the car since he uses it, and helps with occasional deep cleaning). He agreed initially but asked me to ask him directly to do these things, which I do, I’ve even started making lists.
However, he often forgets or puts them off for so long that I end up doing them myself. His argument for not doing chores is that he also has to maintain his apartment and is making a sacrifice by not being at his place where he can pursue his hobbies.
So, his contribution, in effect, is that he is here.
Just to be clear, we both work full-time (WFH) and split mutual costs evenly, money is not the issue.
Things blew up yesterday after I had a hard day at work and with the kiddo.
He is in the process of changing jobs and doesn’t have much to do at work, so he has been gaming 6 to 8 hours a day this week. I found it frustrating that I was struggling to get the laundry and cooking done in between juggling the kid and work and he was gaming on the couch all day.
He got angry when I brought it up (I could have been a little less snarky…) and said that I don’t acknowledge the sacrifice he is making by being at my place and that the benefit he gets from my work is negligible since I would have to do laundry and cook for myself and my son even if he wasn’t here.
Since the problems we are having are roommate problems and not romantic partner problems, I suggested we go back to seeing each other so that we can each have our own space and he can pursue his hobbies at his place. He got really angry and accused me of trying to end the relationship.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You just a close-up view of what life will be like if you lived with him. And it ain’t pretty. He is lazy and entitled. And what upkeep does he have at his place? He is never there to mess things up.
Instead, his utility bills have decreased, his grocery bill has decreased and he has a car to use. Send him home. If he breaks up with you, so be it. Not much of a loss.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But honestly, unless you are happy to just see each other indefinitely (which some ppl do, especially later in life, and are both perfectly happy!), then I would say just break up. It’s super unlikely that he will change at this point in his life.
Seeing each other is for finding out whether you are compatible. You aren’t. ” Different_Abalone886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he thinks he’s making a sacrifice by spending time with you at your place, tell him he doesn’t have to sacrifice anymore. Ask him to go home.
He’s free to come over for a few hours to spend time together but not to stay. If you’re not actively spending time together, he doesn’t need to be there. You can cook and clean in peace and he can come over for a movie then hit the dusty trail.
Or better yet, try and spend more time at his place to see how much he likes cleaning up after you.” shadyzeta579
2. AITJ For Planning To Overwhelm My Boss To Prove We Need Extra Staff At Night?
“I (30M) work as a shift lead at a popular sandwich chain restaurant. Lately, we’ve been having issues getting our closing chores and tasks done on time as we’ve been seeing more and more customers come in during our last hour of being open. Usually I wouldn’t mind the extra business, but having this influx of people empties our soda fridge and chip rack, dirties the lobby, and generally undoes all the cleaning we’ve done during our slow time.
Customers will even sit and eat in the lobby to and through closing, which delays us further. I understand that this is part of the job, but the current schedule makes it so we send someone home at 8 (1 hour before closing) leaving only 2 people to assist the late rush of customers, redo the work we’ve already done, and also do the closing checklist before our scheduled clock out time.
My boss thinks that we’re just complaining, moving too slow, and trying to pad our paychecks; but he also is adamant that customers don’t see us closing the store or cleaning, which limits the work we can do at any given time. For instance, if customers are eating, we can’t sweep the lobby, and if someone’s ordering, we can’t have any sanitizer buckets visible.
So we end up stockpiling a list of chores that can’t be done until after the customers leave or the store is closed, which can be overwhelming when you only have 2 people on shift. My solution was to stop having the 3rd closer leave at 8, and to adjust by taking someone off the mid-shift during shift change, when it’s slow and there’s less side work that needs to be finished, but he refuses.
Here’s where my petty plan comes into play. Now that my boss is starting to close again, I want to flood the store with customers during our last hour of business on his shift to show him how overwhelming it can be and make him believe we need an extra person at night.
Now let me be clear, I don’t want him to be berated by jerks or rude customers, I just want to coordinate a few families and regulars to conveniently want our food on a night that he closes. Then after a few shifts like this, he’ll understand where we’re coming from and shift around the schedule a bit to accommodate the late rushes and crazy closing chore list. I’ve already run it by a few of my other coworkers and many said that they’d be OK working a few insane closing shifts if it meant we got a better schedule in the long run, but others said that I’d be a petty jerk who should just leave it be and suck it up.
So I ask you, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but clever. Sometimes management blatantly ignores the people on the frontline and need to experience what they are going through to make the necessary changes. Absolutely do this (and I’m betting I know which chain this is because I used to work at one long ago and the same things have happened).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ but sometimes in this life you have to be the jerk. What if you simply didn’t stress out, worked a little later and then asked for extra pay because you have to work later to get everything done. That would be more honest and straightforward.” JHSMesq
1. AITJ For Feeling Like Second Fiddle To My Husband's Clingy Friend?
“My husband has a clingy friend.
I’ll try to make this short and to the point, I’ll try to answer questions later.
Here are some different situations that have happened.
My husband’s friend, ‘Pete’ had made it a habit of inviting himself over to our home. Some time ago, my husband, ‘Andrew’ and I were not in the place to have visitors. I told Pete right now is not a good time, do you mind coming back another day?
Pete’s response, “Respectfully, I didn’t come to see you, I came to see my friend, I’ll leave when he asks me to leave.” Pete and Andrew stared at me in silence.
Later, Andrew and Pete were working out of town together staying in our travel trailer, same company, same schedule, 13/1’s (13 days on, 1 day off).
The one-day Andrew would come home, Pete faithfully invited himself over. I have him for less than 24hrs every 2 weeks. I asked Pete if he could respect the little time I had to spend with my husband? ONCE AGAIN, the same line, if Andrew wants me to leave, he’ll tell me.
Long story short, I ended up sending Pete a ‘not so nice’ message. I hurt his feelings, and I was berated by my husband because of it.
Pete has a partner, Denise. He used to push her to be more like me. Cook like me, dress like me, workout like me, have a career like me, be more driven like me.
He would also push Denise to hang out with me more because “maybe she’ll rub off on you.” Pete would compare mine and Andrew’s marriage to his relationship during arguments and as the occasional motivation. Again, I asked Andrew to speak to him, it’s disrespectful and weird.
Then, I started a business. Pete tells Andrew that I will be successful because I am a very attractive woman and that men are more inclined to do business with pretty women. (awkward and uncomfortable). Pete has also invited himself to our date nights a few times.
Thankfully, Andrew would tell him no.
More recently, Pete calls Andrew A LOT, to include the “just calling to make sure you made it safe,” phone calls. Andrew says Pete is just a really weird and awkward person and lacks social skills, so he doesn’t see the harm and I’m just exaggerating.
I have asked Andrew for emotional support over feeling overwhelmed with stress and I was told “that’s what therapy is for.” Weeks later, Pete had called Andrew very late at night because he lost a friend earlier that afternoon. I was called insensitive and irrational because I was bothered that Pete called so late, his friend needed him.
My response, “why didn’t you tell him that’s what therapy is for?”
I believe that I play 2nd fiddle to Pete. Pete has disrespected me and has crossed boundaries, and I’ve been the bad guy every time for my actions towards him. I feel that he’s proved to value his friendship over his marriage.
The fact that my husband is prepared to sign the papers I asked for than to discontinue his friendship with Pete speaks volumes to me.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stop talking to Pete – HE is not your issue. You have a husband problem.
Discuss rules and Pete-free times with your husband. This is a situation where couple’s therapy would be beneficial. – But don’t take Pete along!” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“He might have more than a friendship with Pete. That may be why Andrew would rather spend his one day off with his buddy, rather than his wife.
NTJ” Hot-Freedom-5886
