People Cope With Guilt In These "Am I The Jerk?" Scenarios
24. AITJ For Demanding College Support From My Estranged Biological Dad?
“I, an 18-year-old male, recently got accepted into my college of choice. Before I get into the story, let me give you some background. My mother had me at 18 and was also married at 18 to my biological dad. Long story short, he walked out on me and my mom, and my mom raised me for two years on her own, then she met my stepdad.
The biological dad didn’t try to contact me for years but then recently he popped up saying he wanted to mend our relationship.
My dad had three daughters with another woman who I was actually very interested in meeting, so after a few days of speaking with him over the phone I asked to meet my half-sisters.
He denied it saying he had to protect them and that I needed to build a relationship with him first before I could meet my half-sisters. The next day I asked him again and he claimed they were getting their hair done. We didn’t speak for a while after that.
About a week later he calls me saying he wants to be a part of my life and have me over for summers. I told him that he was never there for the majority of my life and had never once paid child support. So I told him if he wanted to be in my life and act like my father then he should take up the duties of a father and help me pay for college and an apartment like a lot of parents do.
He refused and said I was using him for money and he would not let anyone use him like that.
So, am I the jerk for telling my biological dad he had to pay for me to go to college if he wanted a relationship with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But I’m interested to know why he reached out to you since he has no intention of letting you meet your half-sisters. Nice move with the demand for financial assistance. You easily exposed him for who he is.” ResponsibleForce7878
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- my biodad was found when I did a DNA kit and it was a mess. He couldn’t keep his story straight and then got angry when I started trying to ask clarifying questions. He then started demanding to know where I lived and that my kids call him Papa since my dad didn’t need to be called my dad anymore since he was now in the picture.
We aren’t toys that can be picked up and put down whenever they want. They don’t get the sunshine and roses without also being willing to stand in the rain and storms.” DontGiveMeDecaf_90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think your bio dad might owe you that money anyway.
If you’re in the US, talk to a lawyer. If he didn’t pay child support, you may be able to get a judgment against him. The perfect solution is that you get the money then you get to decide whether you want to have a relationship with him regardless of the money.
I don’t like the way he’s gatekeeping his other family from you. I would tell him he doesn’t get to decide the rules of engagement here, and if you want to meet your half-sisters, you will do so. Find them on social media, and start talking to them if you want.” National_Pension_110
23. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend Who Found My New Apartment Without My Permission?
“I (23F) recently moved into a new apartment about 20 minutes away from my parents’ place. Only my family and best friend know my address—most of my other friends, including “B” (26F), only know the town.
B has been upset that I haven’t shared my new address with her. My reasons are the following:
- The place isn’t fully set up yet, with boxes everywhere, pictures still not hung up, and half-built furniture. I don’t feel comfortable having guests over yet.
- I’ve been hesitant to give B my address because she often shows up unannounced, even if I say I’m busy.
She’s been doing this for almost two years, disregarding my plans and getting upset if she doesn’t get my full attention. Despite many conversations and attempts to set boundaries, she continues to show up and act like we never talked about it.
I explained my reasons to her, promising that once I’m settled, I’ll invite everyone over.
In the meantime, I still see B regularly—about twice a week for dinners, lunches, and group hangouts. However, she insists this isn’t enough and says I should see her 3-4 times a week, and it doesn’t count if it isn’t just the two of us.
Last weekend, she brought this up in front of our friends, but they surprisingly agreed with me that she should respect my boundaries. I thought the issue was resolved, but then today happened.
Today, on my day off, I planned to catch up on chores, do some writing, and meet B in the evening to go to the gym and grab dinner.
While making lunch, my doorbell rang, but I ignored it, thinking it was just someone from the local church again. Then there was a knock on my door, so I checked, and it was B. She explained, with a big grin, that she had been driving around town trying to find my car and, after spotting it, rang all the doorbells nearby until she found me.
When I didn’t let her in, she convinced a neighbor to let her up.
At this point, I kinda snapped. I felt incredibly violated and told her she was crazy with nothing better to do, that she shouldn’t come by anymore, and canceled our plans for later.
She refused to leave, insisting I was overreacting and should be flattered she wanted to see me so badly. I ended up physically pushing her out and closing the door. She kept knocking and yelling for 15 minutes before she finally left.
Since then, my phone has been blowing up with messages from friends, calling me a jerk for how I handled it.
I regret raising my voice and calling her crazy, but I still feel like I have a right to set boundaries. So, AITJ, and if so, how can I fix this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would have called the cops on her for trespassing.
Then take out an RO on her. This is beyond a ‘friend’ visiting and has now gone into full-blown stalker territory. Tell your other supposed friends her completely insane behavior will no longer be tolerated and if they support her. She has some really serious mental issues she needs to deal with.
And you don’t have to deal with them.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“So your boundary-stomping ‘friend’, decided to drive through your neighborhood until she found your car. Proceeded to ring doorbells until she tracked you down, then once she found you, proudly told you how she stalked you.
She then refused to leave when asked and thinks you’re overreacting and should be flattered. She knew you wanted to be left alone until you’re settled in SHE IS UNHINGED AND CREEPY Every time you’ve set a boundary, she’s ignored it. You shouldn’t have let her get away with that.
She doesn’t respect you, otherwise she’d adhere to your requests. Are you sure this is someone you can allow to continually stomp on your wishes, in favor of her wants? Boundaries are merely suggestions unless they are enforced” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, OP, if you’re genuinely shocked your friends were on your side for this, you need to wake up and realize just how BAD of a “friend” B is to constantly overstep your boundaries. To go searching residential areas until you find your friend’s car isn’t just crazy.
That is deranged! This person is unhealthily obsessed with you. Saying she needs to see you 3-4 times a week sounds utterly exhausting. I don’t think any functioning adult has the energy to spend time with a friend 3-4 times a week for hours on end.
She has developed an incredibly toxic attachment to you. You’re being the jerk to yourself by enabling her to cross your boundaries repeatedly. No wonder she felt so entitled to showing up unannounced. She’s never been given consequences for crossing boundaries, and it comes across she’s only had to discuss it to move on.
There’s no actual accountability on her end, and she talks her way out. Cut her off. Cold turkey.” Background_Hope_1905
22. AITJ For Planning To Travel To Japan With My Partner Instead Of Waiting For My Best Friend?
“Me (M30) and my best friend (M27) wanted to go to Japan for more than 5 years. It has been a huge dream for us and we wanted to travel there together and stay multiple weeks.
I was ready to travel since day one, but he was super busy with university and had absolutely no money that he could have used to travel. And I didn’t want to travel alone and we were both single. So, in the beginning, I always asked when we could finally travel there, but he always pushed it back to “maybe next year”.
Understandable because he had neither time nor money. I asked every year multiple times, and at some point, he said that we could travel once he made money after university. I was not happy with that, because I wanted to travel to Japan, and this meant that we could not travel there for at least a couple of years.
Half a year ago he finally got his first job and started to earn money. It’s a job at university so he’s still a student, so he pushed it back again. He said we could probably travel to Japan after this job which would likely end in 2027.
I am NOT happy to have to wait that long, but what can I do? I didn’t want to travel alone.
Fast forward to today, I recently got my very first partner and I am very sure that she will also be my only partner.
She loves to travel and she knows about my dream to travel to Japan. Well, now we started to plan to travel there together in the spring of next year, and I am hyped to finally fulfill this dream. But once I told my best friend he was not happy with it.
He called it a betrayal because we wanted to travel there together as soon as he had the money and time to do so.
AITJ for traveling to Japan with my first partner instead of waiting another 3 years to travel there with my best friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand the dream of wanting to travel together, but you can’t be expected to put your life on hold waiting for him to catch up. You have the money and the means to do what makes you happy, so you should.
Your friend has the right to be upset/disappointed that he can’t go, but he doesn’t have the right to be a jerk to you about it and tell you that you can’t go. You two are at different places in life and therefore going to have different opportunities, and he needs to realize that.
It’s not your fault, and it’s not his fault, but you shouldn’t have to limit yourself because of his limitations.” reallifegummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were MORE than patient with him. Waiting until 2027 is just not acceptable at all. Sorry, but the deal’s off.
Sorry, but your friend messed around too long and newsflash, people move on with their lives. You can’t wait forever. Your friend has put it off for almost half a decade. He can go on his own when he’s ready.” grilled_pc
Another User Comments:
“You waited for him for a couple of years. I do understand how he is feeling since the original plan was made by you both. He would feel it as a betrayal since he is your best friend. But at the same time as time passes and if you are steady with your partner he will understand.
If I were you, I would dry and make up with him later.” thinker
21. AITJ For Wanting To Hyphenate My Ex's Last Name With My Current Husband's?
“I was with a very mentally/emotionally angry man for a few years, got pregnant, married, and left him for good after 3 months of marriage.
I met my current husband a few months later and have been together for 12 years. I was afraid of my ex and never divorced him (long story) until December 2023. We married in February of 2024.
I have not changed my name yet. I would like to hyphenate the two names.
It has ZERO to do with the ex and I’ve explained that. ALL of my adult life it has been my name. If you google my name everything I have ever accomplished in school/work/ and disability advocacy pops up. (All things my ex forbade me to do or said I could never accomplish.) So I want to incorporate this name with my current husband’s.
Just hyphenate the two so when I apply for jobs or things in advocacy people will still recognize me or google and see my accomplishments. I explained it would be like throwing all that away or throwing my identity away.
Was very upset and said that no matter what it was still about my EX because it was HIS name.
I said no- it is MY NAME because I have lived with it my whole adult life and I brought it with me through all of my accomplishments. He won’t listen to my side at all and just keeps saying no matter what it’s about my ex.
I also want to state that it is still my SON’S last name (he has nothing to do with bio dad but wants to keep the name after his current husband adopts- because it has ALWAYS been his name and we understand that.) so why can’t he understand my side.
AITJ?
Also- if you google it videos of my commencement speech, and several commercials for advocacy things come up. I just want to keep those where they can still be found when you google me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What is with this whole “men’s names are their names but women’s names are men’s names” thing, anyway, it’s 2024.
You can pick whatever name you want regardless of who else has/had it. My parents gave me both my names, and like all gifts, those names belong to me. They are not my father’s names, they are not my mother’s names, they are my names.
You happen to have a name that you chose when you married (albeit probably under duress) and that you chose to keep that name for 10 years. It’s yours.” StudioRude1036
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t need to have a good reason to not change your name, you can just want to change it.
That’s a valid enough reason on its own. And you do have some very good other reasons for not wanting to change it, like keeping the name all your adult achievements have been with that name, it’s a hassle to change, it’s your son’s name, etc. If he objects that it’s your ex’s name would he be ok with you going back to your maiden name?
Why do you have to take his name at all? Honestly, your experience seems to be a really good example of why you shouldn’t change your name when you get married.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your accomplishments are yours, and they happen to be connected with the surname you used at the time – and actually, you used that name for years and years after you dumped your ex-husband.
Your new husband can’t realistically expect you to publicly disengage from your accomplishments.” KarinSpaink
20. AITJ For Creating Secret Financial Safety Nets For My Wife And Kids?
“I (38M) and my wife Eve (33F) have been together for 4 years, married for 2. Eight months ago, our twins were born, and Eve decided to stay home with them (her decision, not mine).
For some context, I grew up in a wealthy family, while Eve did not. Her mother, a single mom, was loving but had to work a lot, which influenced Eve’s decision to stay home with our children.
Now, I grew up with incredibly loving parents until I was 12.
Everything changed when my dad was in a car accident that drastically altered him. He became angry, constantly yelled, and even started being unfaithful to my mom. When I asked my mom why she didn’t leave him, she explained that she couldn’t afford to give us (three kids) the same lifestyle—gated community, private schools, etc. So, she stayed with him until he passed away a few years later.
Because of this, when my wife and I got married, I opened a separate account for her and one for our children. I intended that, if for any reason I changed or became difficult to live with like my dad, Eve wouldn’t feel trapped or pressured to stay.
Every month, I deposit a percentage of my income into these accounts. Both accounts are now approaching six figures, with the kids’ account having a bit more.
Here’s where things get complicated. A few weeks ago, we went on vacation and left my sister house-sitting.
For some reason, she went through my office and found the paperwork for these accounts. I hadn’t told my wife about them yet because she’s proud and doesn’t like receiving big financial gifts, so I was trying to figure out how to bring it up without upsetting her.
Well, my sister told my mom, and they both confronted me. My mom was angry because I didn’t give her money for an upcoming surgery (she doesn’t need the money, as she inherited it from my dad and we already help her financially).
I explained that I created the accounts to prevent my wife from going through what my mom did, but both my mom and younger sister seemed to forget that part. The only person who’s on my side is my older sister.
Now, my wife is upset and says she doesn’t want the money, and that I should give it all to our kids or my mom.
So, AITJ for trying to protect my wife and family in this way?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you don’t cut your sister out of your life immediately. Who does she think she is, first snooping and then confronting you about it??? Cut that conversation off fast. Tell your sister she has lost your trust and is not welcome back to your wife’s home until she gives an apology that is both sincere and groveling.
Your poor wife, I feel so angry on her behalf!” Square-Minimum-6042
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have been open about this with your wife, but it’s not like you were hurting your current financial status, and you had her best interests at heart.
Your sister and mom are the jerks here, you need to have a serious talk about boundaries and money with them and probably go a LOT lower contact. You should also immediately give your wife access to these accounts so she knows you’re not trying to hide anything.
When this has settled down, talk through this with your wife; listen to her concerns, and emphasize that your decisions about these accounts relate a great deal to YOUR experience in childhood and not to any judgment about her.” Emergency_Mine_4455
Tell wife having an accomplishment in just her name will make things easier if something happens to you. Tell her to think of it as an emergency fund/ life insurance. That she can access, before she gets the actual life insurance.
19. AITJ For Choosing My Best Friend Over My Stepsister For My Birthday Concert?
“My paternal grandparents bought me concert tickets for my 16th birthday a few months ago. They got two for themselves and two for me, so I could invite someone of my choice.
I immediately asked my best friend, and he said yes right away. I was still at my grandparents’ house when I texted him, and he was thrilled.
When I got home, my mom asked what my grandparents had given me for my birthday. I told her about the concert tickets and mentioned I’d invited my best friend.
She went quiet and said, “Okay.” I could tell she was acting weird, but I brushed it off. At the time, I assumed she might be annoyed that she and her husband weren’t the ones going with me.
A month later, the tickets came up in conversation, and my stepsister (15) overheard.
She asked what tickets we were talking about, and when she found out, she said she wanted to go. She asked why I was going but not her, and I explained that the tickets were a birthday gift from my grandparents. She insisted I should take her instead.
I told her I was taking my best friend, and she sulked for the rest of the day.
Later, her dad (my mom’s husband) asked me why I couldn’t take his daughter instead of my best friend. I told him it was my choice, and I wanted to go with my best friend.
He wasn’t happy with my answer. Then my mom stepped in, saying she had hoped I would change my mind and invite my “sister.” (She calls her my sister, but I don’t use that term.)
I told her I’d already invited my best friend and that I wanted to go with him.
She argued that I could want to take my stepsister too and should use this as an opportunity to bond with her. She said I could take this chance to build a closer relationship because we’re “running out of time” and that it’s obvious I don’t care about my stepsister or about whether I ever see her again.
Mom told me that while I might think it’s okay to feel this way, I won’t ever have another sibling—my dad is gone, so I won’t have a “real” sibling. She said I could have a sister if I tried, and taking her to the concert could be a way to introduce her to my grandparents and start something new.
Before I could respond, Mom said my expression already told her I wasn’t open to the idea and didn’t care. She called it “sad” and said she was disappointed in me. She added that after eight years of being married to her husband, I should have a better relationship with him and his daughter.
She claimed it was my fault things hadn’t developed further because I’ve refused to see them as more than just those labels. Finally, she said my decision about the concert was just a way to rub it in everyone’s faces.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always get so angry when people try forcing stepsiblings together – most of the time it all has the opposite effect anyway, and in this case IT IS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT, for crying out loud. If they’re so hung up about it, they can shell out cash for an extra ticket, but your birthday present is meant for YOU to enjoy however YOU see fit.
Not for your parents to commandeer. And from what I’m seeing, it’s not like you were even rude about it – if your bestie is such an immediate thought that you ask immediately, then it’s the person that would make you happiest to share that moment with.
And your birthday present should be about you. Again, NTJ. Please stand your ground and be careful. I wouldn’t put it past them to try and do something to the tickets, or pull an ultimatum.” WhatsUpWithJinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Op’s mom and her husband are pushing something else.
They want OP to introduce stepsister to grandparents. It’s not strange that grandparents (paternal) are not interested in her (their deceased son has nothing to do with her and sounds like the grandparents keep a relationship only with OP, and OP doesn’t have a sibling relationship with her), but mom and her husband want grandparents to acknowledge her as OP’s sister for some reasons.
I bet they want some financial benefit from grandparents extended to this step-sister.” p9nultimat9
18. AITJ For Moving Out Despite My Parents' Disapproval?
“I’m finally moving out and have a plan to do so with my partner of three years. We both just graduated from college (both 22) and are working in the same area.
We’ve budgeted for years and searched for a place for months, and we finally have the end goal in sight. We toured a place that we love and think that we can be really happy there. We’ve already signed the lease and put down the security deposit.
I was initially given a hard deadline of the end of the month to move out by my parents. I had a place lined up and ready to sign for, but then had expenses added to my financial plate that I wasn’t aware of from my parents.
The plan all along was for me to find out that I couldn’t move out in a month and have a “hard conversation” with my parents, which I think is ridiculous. If you tell me to be out in a month, I’m gonna do everything I can to be out in a month.
My mom even lied to my face and told me she was excited for me and this first place that I was looking at when the said plan was already in place.
Fast forward to now, and my partner and I are signed on for this new place together.
After the initial visit to this new place, I told my parents about it and they ripped it to shreds, citing safety issues (based on anecdotal evidence from an along-gone cop acquaintance), wanting us to spend more of our money to get something “better”, and reading too much into the “package safety box fee” that the apartment requires.
I disagreed with these criticisms and was called “disrespectful” for voicing my opinion, and for wanting to do something different from what they wanted
My partner and I had done our research: It is a safe area according to multiple sources. Why spend more money on something different when this is perfectly safe and has what we want?
In this economy?? I don’t give a darn about the package thing.
The conversation in the above paragraph is the last I have spoken to them about it. My parents have given me little reason for me to want to involve them in this process….
Not just recently but throughout my relationship with them as described earlier.
We have signed the lease and are preparing to move in just a few weeks. AITJ for not saying anything to my parents and moving forward with this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They aren’t going to be happy no matter what you do, how you do it, or when.
In any event, pleasing them isn’t your life’s work. Do what will make YOU happy. Why should everyone be miserable?” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve already told them you’re moving. It’s not your fault if they don’t believe it. Start moving small things out a little at a time, and possibly store them at your partner’s house.
Wait until the last minute to take the rest in case they try to stop you. Don’t give out your address and put up a doorbell camera as soon as you get to a new place.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“You’re an adult. They told you to move out.
They wanted you to beg and promise to follow every insane rule they can think up because you’re so grateful they are giving you a place to stay. But you’re not doing that. Move out. Don’t give them a key. Don’t answer the door if they show up unexpectedly.
Move your important documentation and devices out before the time, and have your partner hold on to them or another friend. Move your things out slowly and unseen and store them somewhere, because they might escalate when they realize you’re not staying and either try to keep your belongings as a bargaining chip or try to prevent you from leaving.
Work out an escape plan where friends will come help you move out so they can’t put up a fuss.” curiouslycaty
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom For Always Being On Her Phone During Our Movie Nights?
“Me (33F) and my mom (60) got into an argument the other day. It’s an argument that we have had multiple times. For some background, I have movies nights with my brother, I have movie nights with my sister, & a movie night for all 3 of us, as a way to stay close & hang out to relax.
For the record on the movie nights we play games, card games, or just talk, & (me & my brother occasionally drink on our nights) then when it gets dark we start our movies.
Now, none of us have ever been close to our mom even though we have tried over the years.
Well, my sis has little contact with her. My mom complains that we (all 3 of us) never talk to her, and never want to spend time with her.
She refuses to play board games, refuses to play cards, and doesn’t drink(which I understand).
We even asked her what she would like to do together & she never responded. So we try to watch shows/movies with her.
Every time, we try to watch something with her, she is ALWAYS on her phone. Which I hate in general, especially if I haven’t seen whatever we are watching.
But she’ll barely look at the TV, & when she does she asks questions that she would know if she just got off her phone & WATCHED!
Well, the other day she asked to watch a new episode of the show with me, & I reluctantly agreed. Not even 2 minutes in & she’s on her phone.
About 10 minutes in & something happens in the show, & she looks up and asks me questions about it. I told her if she got off her phone & watched she would know. She told me she can multi-task & she can do both. The show carries on, and about 15 minutes later she looks up and asks questions again!
I was so tired of this, she always does this, & then gets mad when I don’t want to watch something with her or I watch it before her. So I snapped. I told her “if being on her phone was more important to her than “bonding” with me after she begs & nags to spend time together, then she could watch her shows with her phone & leave me out of it because I was done, that I wasn’t watching anything with her again.”
My sister & brother think it was fine, but one of my cousins said I was being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell that one cousin to host your mom for watching shows. Alternatively, or also, put on something you’ve seen before. Take out your phone and work on it.
Occasionally ask your mother questions about the movie. If she asks you a question, tell her you were about to ask her the same question.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for setting boundaries with your mom. It’s frustrating when you’re trying to spend quality time but she isn’t fully engaged. You’ve tried multiple ways to connect with her and if she’s more focused on her phone than bonding, it makes sense you’d be fed up.
Snapping might not have been ideal, but your frustration is valid given the situation.” User
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Mom For Disrespecting My House Rules?
“I (22f) am a married (27M) stay-at-home wife with a 15-month daughter. Recently my family came to visit us for a week. My mom (41) is staying in our spare bedroom.
My Aunt & Uncle came with their kids as well, but they are staying in a hotel.
I told my mom that I have rules about my home, pretty simple rules, nothing over the top. No shoes on the rug, don’t eat food in the living room (drinks and snacks are fine), put your dish in the dishwasher when done, and once I go to bed the living room is shut down.
By shutting down I mean- do not go in it. I clean my living room before bed. Vacuum the floors, fix and vacuum the cushions, wipe down the coffee tables, etc.
Anyways- I go out to the living room in the morning and there is a cup ring on my coffee table (I have coasters), the cushions are messed up, and a red sauce stain on my rug.
I was livid. Mainly because of the sauce stain on the rug. The rug is literally brand new, and a light beige color. I waited until my mom woke up and confronted her about the living room. She told me I was being over dramatic, the stain would come out, the rules stupid, blah blah blah.
Long story short, I told her my house and my rules, and if she couldn’t go by my rules she needed to leave. So, she left and went to my aunt’s hotel. My aunt is blowing up my phone telling me that I am being unreasonable and they paid all the money to come see us.
I told her I wasn’t being unreasonable, I have very simple rules and I just wanted to be respected in my own home.
Am I the jerk? The stain won’t come out and I am extremely disappointed. I tried to move the rug around and have the coffee table cover it, but where it’s at there’s no way to hide it.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get boundaries and support them but this is a living room and you have company. Not everyone sleeps soundly, especially in a different environment so expecting a person to be a prisoner in their bedroom after hours is a bit much.
However, your mom showed great disrespect for your home if she managed to damage the carpet and furniture and blow it off with an “it’ll come out” excuse. That is the height of rudeness. Mom should pay to fix the damage and any future visits should see her in a hotel.
I don’t like your rules but do agree, your house, your rules. I’d never stay at your place and wouldn’t likely visit. You’re creating an uptight environment I wouldn’t want to endure.” KateWritesBooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And the rule about your front room is perfectly valid.
I’m the same with my kitchen. Everything is cleaned, put away, tidied, and sorted so when I wake up I wake up to a clean kitchen. Have a snack, sure. Make a drink, whatever But don’t you go cooking or leaving cups around. The kitchen is closed” Unlucky-Pizza-7049
15. AITJ For Scolding My Friend After His Dad Threw Out My Gym Equipment?
“2 years ago I moved in with/ my partner and couldn’t fit my gym equipment in my new apt (~$1200 worth of gear – a bench, a squat-rack, 3 barbells, and about 500 lbs of plates.) I asked my best friend 32-year-old who lives at home with/ his parents) to hold on to it since he works out at home.
He only had a bench and some dumbbells so I figured he could make good use of my equipment. The agreement was always that I would get it back when I moved to a new spot but that he could keep it in the meantime… I never said the equipment was his and I’ve made references throughout the past two years about “my weights”.
I recently moved and now have a backyard. I asked him for the equipment and he said his dad threw it away. I see this friend at least every other week but we text almost daily and he never mentioned that his dad would be throwing out my stuff.
When I found out, I went off on him and I’m now very tempted to cut him out of my life. He lives a very carefree life (no bills no major responsibilities) so I can understand why he might not know the monetary value of the gym equipment.
But this kinda thing happens often and I’m just a little fed up with the deaf attitude and just how inconsiderate he was by not letting me know. I’ve already been questioning our friendship because I often feel like I’m outgrowing him. He’s never intentionally done me dirty, but he lives in a very different world where he’s never needed to consider much outside his 4 walls.
This one hurts though because I know the value of the weights and I can’t ask him to buy me new equipment because 1) he can’t afford it and 2) I doubt he’ll even feel guilty/the need to.
I just think a heads-up would have been nice so that I could have had a chance to put the gear in a storage unit or at least tried to sell it.
But instead, I had to ask about my stuff only to learn it was gone.
AITJ for scolding him and telling him I might need a break from this friendship? Should I not be expecting more from my best friend of 20 years?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d talk to the father without warning your friend to see if the father threw them out. My guess is your friend sold them. That type of equipment is hard to just “throw out”. If the father did throw them out, find out if the son was aware that was going to happen before it happened.” Interesting-Fail8654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a pretty heavy straw, so I don’t think it’s surprising that it broke the camel’s back when it comes to this relationship. Yeah, he should have at the very least given you a heads up and given you a chance to come get your stuff.
That’s asking nearly nothing, and he still failed to do right by you. I agree with your assessment that you’ve probably outgrown the friendship. At a certain point, it sounds like he stopped growing emotionally, and now you two are no longer on the same page or in the same place.
Hopefully, this will be the wake-up call he needs to work on growing up. When your life is so carefree that you can’t even show care for others or their things, it’s a problem.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: You didn’t talk to the owner (his dad) and you knew he was unreliable.
You left your stuff for two years. His dad was probably tired of storing your stuff for free. And your friend wasn’t using it but rather his dad was storing it. Dad probably gave lots of warnings. Alternatively, the stuff is still there and he doesn’t want to give it back.
Contact his dad or go visit to see if the stuff is still there. Regardless don’t rely on him again.” houseonpost
14. AITJ For Questioning My Mom About Snooping Into My Bank Account?
“I (19F), opened a bank account when I was sixteen, to do that I needed an adult on the account as well.
So my mom was added as a secondary (I believe that’s the right term). Up until about a month and a half ago, I don’t remember having any problems with her snooping in on what I was doing. My parents would ask if they could borrow money and I’d say yes, so they’d simply transfer it from my account to theirs.
And would pay me back at a later date. I don’t remember ever getting questioned about what I’m buying with my own money. Also, I never bothered about getting her off my account or just making a new one because I didn’t feel the need to.
But, a month and a half or so ago, my partner (20M) came to visit for the first time (long-distance relationship). My mom then admitted to me when she and my dad were raging about what they thought of the time he was here (pretty much just parents dealing with their kid having a relationship for the first time, and they’ve calmed down a lot now and realized they overreacted, I also talked to other family members about this to make sure I just wasn’t seeing something that my parents were) that every expense my mom got a notification that I bought something.
And that they were keeping track. That threw me off but figured with how they were acting they were just being overprotective. But that questioning is continuing even now. If I buy something from Apple or like today, it was a book for college, I was asked within 5 minutes of what it was.
If it’s an expense from my work or gas, she doesn’t bring it up. But if it’s something different she does.
I feel like it’s in my right to at least ask why she’s getting notifications and asking me about my expenses but I also worry if I do it’ll make me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But honestly, you shouldn’t bother asking your Mom anything — just go to the bank and take her off the account. If you can’t do that without her help, just open a new account and close out the old one. At 19, you need to have your account without your parents on it.
That’s smarter and safer for both of you.” EndielXenon
Another User Comments:
“YOUR PARENTS ARE BORROWING MONEY FROM YOU? Red flag. Why are your parents living outside their means? Get her off this account. They see that account as “their” money and it isn’t.
Don’t let them tell you otherwise. Once you are off the account they will ask you to start paying rent (because they need your money). So pay them $100/month, do your chores without being asked, take out the trash, and make dinner for the family 2x /a week.
Just warning you that it’s coming. If it’s more than $100/month, ask them why.” Lili_Roze_6257
Another User Comments:
“YNTJ, but you need to close the account and open one solo. Your parents are taking advantage of the situation, and while they might want to monitor you and question purchases, that’s not their place.
I would add that you are living with them, and if not charging rent, they may think you’re not saving enough to be able to move out. I might be overreaching with that, but as a parent of a 17yo, I’m trying to grasp straws about why they would be so controlling.
It may be worth sitting down and having a conversation about plans and boundaries as you’re now an adult.” WitchyWoman77777
Since you are still living with your parents, you should be paying rent. Then they won't need to borrow money. Or concider moving out.
13. AITJ For Relocating Without Telling My Family And Refusing To Give Back Their Gifted Money?
“I (33f) am relocating out of my home state in 2 weeks.
I had no contact with my parents and siblings nearly 4 years ago shortly after I purchased my current home. My parents are very blue-collar and grew up with only brothers. My brother is the only boy, the baby, autistic, and named his only son after my brother who passed away.
He gets everything. My sister is very masculine and blue-collar. I’m white-collar, educated, and very girly.
My entire life I’ve always been the outsider and they made sure I knew that, harshly. It was worse whenever I succeeded in life. No contact with them was the best thing I could’ve ever done for my mental health and I’ll never go back unless they’re all in intensive therapy.
Fast forward to this week, they found out I’m relocating out of state and selling my home. Naturally, the horrific texts have rolled through and are extra special. They know what I bought it for with a simple search they will know what I’m selling for.
They’re “hurt” I didn’t tell them and want the money they gifted me to get my home to give my brother.
I refuse to give them any access to my life. They gifted my sister her down payment and me but were unable to for my brother.
Of course, they think I’m a jerk and a few more nice choice words. My cousin and uncle say I should give the money because it’s only 1/3 of my proceeds. I refuse. They gave me a savings account with him that I had been building for years.
But, I’m second guessing my decision to not tell them where I’m going or give them the money back. I’m still their daughter and they want to know my whereabouts. My brother has a 3-year-old son and a 1-year-old daughter. It’s expensive where we are and I want the kids to have stability.
So, Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So much NTJ. If you give them anything, it will never stop. Read your post, they stole your money to give it to their golden child. Thieves do not deserve or get anything. You are taking the best thing you can.
Leave, don’t tell them anything. They don’t get to know where you are going, or where you are living, you might even consider a new phone number you don’t give them. They don’t deserve to be part of your life. If they had wanted a loving daughter, they would have treated you like one.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents gifted the same amount to your elder sibling, so it’s fair you get that amount, asking for something back that you worked your butt off to gain is not only unfair but outright exploitative. They only ask for it back because they prioritize their favorite child, over you, who they have abandoned and continue to abandon you over the money that they had already given out.
Your brother is old enough to understand that reality, and he played ignorant because he knows they would want to take that amount back for him, if he was a decent person he would have spoken up about it. But neither your parents nor your brother behave like decent and fair people who could have, for real, cared for their daughter with unconditional love, and it’s time they should walk that talk of love.” Motor_Pie_6026
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you haven’t already purchased in your new area, consider doing it through an LLC (Limited Liability Company). They can search property records for your new address if they know what area you’re moving to. But if your new house is in a company name, it’s harder to find you.
A good friend did this to hide her new address from her stalker. It’s a lot easier to stay in no contact if they can’t find you.” RepublicTop1690
12. AITJ For Insisting My Wife Pay For An Artefact She Accidentally Broke At An Open House?
“Me (24M) and my wife (23F) were checking out this open house, we currently live in an apartment and are thinking about upgrading since we both have good-paying jobs now. We went there and began checking the place out, it still had a bit of furniture and stuff from the previous owner (older lady), who was showing us around, and there was a tall round kitchen table with some kind of artifact on it, (sorry I don’t know really how to describe it) but it was rectangular, made of glass, painted beautiful colors, and had paintings of people on it, perhaps a relic the owner had collected from another country, she did inform us she liked to travel a lot.
Anyway, when my wife was talking to her, she swiped her arm and knocked the relic straight off the table and it hit the ground, shattering immediately. My skin turned pale, she did too and she looked terrified, the owner was in shock but hiding her frustration, she assured us it was ok but we needed to pay.
This is where it gets strange, we didn’t have the money upfront so we went home, knowing we’d have to pay in about a week, and I asked my wife how she was gonna come up with that money (Think 4 figures) and she laughed hysterically and asked if I was stupid, saying there’s no chance she’s paying that, and it’s not her fault the owner left something so fragile and valuable out in the open.
I told her she didn’t have a choice since it was her fault it got broken and she called me a jerk and said she couldn’t believe I was not taking her side. She also noted how she thinks it may have been a trap, the woman left it there on purpose so it would get broken and she could scam us out of some extra money.
I even offered to help her pay some of it but she said no, and that she’s not paying any of it at all. I again said she broke someone else’s property so she has to pay for it that’s how the world works.
She disagrees but I told her she’s crazy.”
Another User Comments:
“Before anyone pays anything, you need to verify what the “artifact” actually was and its actual value. As far as this specific situation goes, yes, your wife is the one who is responsible. The problem is that you’re both married but approaching this as individuals rather than as a team.
This really should be an E S H, but she broke the item and is ultimately the one responsible for making things right. NTJ.” OGBrewSwayne
Another User Comments:
“Not enough info IMO. Your wife may be right that this is a scam. The value of the object needs to be verified by an independent unbiased party before you pay anything, especially for that much money.
It very well could be a worthless item and you are getting ripped off. It doesn’t make sense to leave valuable, fragile things out where they can be easily damaged during an event such as an open house. However, she should be willing to pay the actual value of the object once it has been verified.” thechaoticstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I do think it’s reasonable to say that you and your wife need documentation of the most recent valuation of the piece and any insurance paperwork the owner has for it. If I have artwork worth $10k, I’m going to have it insured. And in that case, the reasonable thing to do is offer to pay the deductible.
If it’s not insured, I might look at getting an independent appraisal because the owner can say it’s worth anything but for a couple hundred dollars, you could save yourself thousands. (I’m not insinuating that the owner is lying about what she thinks it’s worth but if she doesn’t have a valuation from a reputable source and insurance, she might have been told by a seller- it’s worth $X but it’s not actually.)” rak1882
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Wife's Friend To Babysit My Son On My Weeks?
“My soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a 7-year-old son. Our son has had the same babysitter for the past year and a half, Abigail (22).
Abigail and her husband took in some family members’ kids around the same age and her husband works nights so they’re both home in the afternoons when Abigail has our son. Our son enjoys going there and playing with the kids and having his husband teach him how to swim and play baseball.
He’s even claimed partial ownership over their dogs. While my wife and I were discussing custody, she told me she wants Abigail to watch our son on my weeks so he’ll have some consistency.
Normally I’d be fine with that but Abigail and my wife have gotten very close over the past year and a half.
They meet for lunch at least every other week to catch up without the kids, they text nearly every day, and she’s openly taking my wife’s side in the divorce. I’m afraid that if Abigail has my son on my weeks, she’ll report everything back to my wife or she’ll take my son to see my wife.
I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with her friend watching my son on my weeks but if she wanted to have the same babysitter throughout, we could find someone else that we both agree on.
My wife refused because she “only trusts Abigail” and thinks this is me retaliating because she was able to prevent my family from being alone with my son.
I told her I still don’t want to have Abigail watch my son on my weeks and she’s getting my son involved, asking if he wants to go with Abigail or get a new sitter. Now my son is upset that he can’t see Abigail on my weeks and my wife is accusing me of being petty and harming our son to spite her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You should not be putting your pettiness and irritation with your ex-wife before your son’s needs or what’s best for your son. It’s really doubtful when she’s busy babysitting that the sitter will take your son to see your wife, but even if she did, what does it matter if your wife sees your son a little more?
Will that do great harm to your son? Divorce can be a very stressful and frightening time for a child, so why would you make it harder on him by switching his babysitter? Having the same babysitter will be in his best interest because it creates consistency, which is really important for your son at this time.
Put your son first and keep his babysitter.” laurasdiary
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I read your comments. Your problem is Abigail reporting your “mistakes” to your ex-wife. Abigail and your ex are the only ones who care enough about your child to protect him from the bully that is your sister and nephew.
Your nephew is a bully and you and your sister enable him. You are not a good parent and don’t deserve the privilege of raising your ex-wife’s son.” HeartsAndStuffUps
Another User Comments:
“You’re not acting in the best interest of your son, but rather in your own paranoid self-interest. That is assuming you also have taken your son/picked him up from daycare at some point in his life.
You don’t actually have a good reason to change sitters. YTJ” anglflw
10. AITJ For Being Upset At My MIL For Constantly Cancelling Babysitting Plans Last Minute?
“My husband and I have a 6-month-old baby.
We live 5 minutes down the street from my in-laws (my parents are 2 hours away). My mother-in-law has always been big about wanting to help with the baby, and before she was born, has offered to watch her while I was at work. I asked many times to make sure that she was still ok with that (making sure to state that we were fine sending her to daycare), but she insisted that she wanted to.
So now she watches our daughter for 1.5 days a week. We offered to pay her, but she said she didn’t need it.
My mother-in-law has been stressing to my husband and me how important it is to spend time with each other without the baby, and often (this comes up probably twice a month) says she will watch the baby so that we can go out together.
She has even offered to take the baby overnight. The problem comes when we try to take her up on it. There have been now several occasions where she bailed on us last minute, claiming that she forgot or that she thought we weren’t serious about it.
Most recently, my husband bought concert tickets and she was going to watch the baby, but now says she has plans. My father-in-law told us he would watch the baby, and she got very angry at him and said he couldn’t. I’m irritated at her for flaking last minute.
On the one hand, I think if she doesn’t want to babysit, she needs to say so instead of pretending that she is willing to watch the baby. On the other, I feel like my husband and I are entitled to assume that it is her job to watch the baby – after all, it is our kid, not hers.
And we could always hire a babysitter, which I think we are going to do, but I’m still mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who accept arrangements and then bail last minute are always the jerks. You’re not even asking for much. Also, what is going on that your father-in-law said he could watch the baby and your mother-in-law took it back?
I wonder what your husband’s read on this is. Has she always been a flake? Is she maybe less enthusiastic about babysitting now that she’s being asked to do it instead of it being a theoretical thing? No matter what, I wouldn’t buy any more concert tickets assuming she’ll babysit.
She’s too unreliable for that.” algunarubia
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, NTJ seems like she likes the idea of being a grandma in her head but then doesn’t want to give up her time when it comes time to watch the kid, I would stop even asking her, and ask someone else and make sure she knows that a friend or someone else is watching her, I guarantee you she will get upset that you didn’t even ask her, then I would say that we need this to be a set schedule thing and something that isn’t going to be canceled at the last minute and so this is what is working for us, maybe then she would learn but most likely not, but you will get your point across at least” WannabeLibrarian2000
9. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Half-Sister's Wedding?
“I (16M) need some advice and this is a messy “family” thing so I need to bring up the background first. My mom and dad got married 18 years ago. My mom lost her first husband four years before their marriage and my dad lost his first wife six years before.
My mom had three kids with her first husband and my dad had two with his first wife. My half-siblings are all 9+ years older than me.
My parents never really had the typical marriage and they never blended families. They married for a roommate situation and since I’m here, they had an intimate moment at least one time.
They never forced their kids to interact and never tried to bond with their stepkids. My dad told me none of the kids wanted a stepfamily so they didn’t give them one and instead focused on making the best of things that they had while enjoying adult companionship.
My mom had her family and my dad had his and the two sides, even when living under one roof, never merged or did anything together. And when I was born neither side wanted me. I was seen as another part of the “not family but roommate deal”.
My parents don’t share a bedroom. They don’t go on outings. They play puzzles together watch TV together and eat together sometimes. But if one of their kids has a birthday, the parent goes without a spouse. They take turns visiting their kids for a few nights.
I stay with my parents who don’t go for visits. I’m never welcome in my half-sibling’s homes.
My parents have no photos from their wedding. Our house has photos from their first weddings and their first families. We don’t have very many family photos with me.
I don’t ever see any of my half-siblings. My mom or dad will sometimes ask me to say hi if they’re on the phone with them but I never get a hi back so yeah. My parents plan to be buried with their original spouses and kids.
There’s room in both graves for them + their kids and kids spouses and maybe some grandkids… But I don’t have a spot.
Sorry for all the weird background. But I bring all this up because mom’s daughter is getting married and she wants me to go to the wedding with her since she can bring someone and since I’m a “sibling” she thinks it should be me.
But I refused. I told mom her kids don’t accept me as a sibling and I’ll be left on my own most of the time. I won’t be in any photos or anything and I might even have to face hostility. But my mom is saying I need to come with her.
AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your Mom can’t be convenient when it suits her especially since in serving her first family she’s treated you terribly. The fact that each of your parents wants to be with their first spouses and kids and neither cares where your final resting place is – I find it astounding that your parents are so callous to you.
Why would you attend the wedding of someone who doesn’t speak to you or even let you visit their home? Why are you suddenly conveniently a sibling when your Mom made zero effort at a relationship between you and her older children? Your parents created a toxic environment for you – one in which you’re treated like a second-place citizen not even by step-parents but by your actual parents.
Focus on what you need, what brings you joy and peace. OP – I know this is very hurtful but this isn’t only an issue of what your siblings did in rejecting you, this is also your mother’s making. You can make it clear to her that she has never treated you like their sibling so why does she suddenly want that?
Also, it’s too late for that. You’re not willing to turn up for their convenient optics. Your Dad is the same but he isn’t asking you to suddenly pretend you’re a sibling.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk here folks! You have the right to NOT GO.
It reads like this has been a predominant dynamic for decades, no acceptance from your half-siblings nor any meaningful connection to this side of the family. Your mom shouldn’t expect you to go to an event where you will probably feel left out at best, and more possibly hostile.
Your mom might be let down, but she needs to grasp that you cannot live up to those kinds of expectations as things are right now. You have every right to sit back, relax and enjoy yourself, rather than feeling like a third wheel at family get-togethers.
Stay firm and don’t let your mom bully you into coming.” UpstairsMap5433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mum can go by herself. If she needs company then she can take your dad or a friend. You don’t want to go to a wedding where you don’t know anyone but your mum and only have a nodding acquaintance with the bride.
I think it’s the perfect time to sit down with your parents and ask them wtf is going on. Why did they have you if they essentially lead separate lives and you’re an afterthought? Where will you be buried? I bet they’ll look a bit lost and say wherever you want to buy a plot with your future spouse.
They are not demonstrating a healthy relationship with you. I hope they attend your school and sporting events together at the very least. What are their plans for you once you leave school?” ComparisonFlashy8522
8. AITJ For Not Buying A House With My Partner Because He Won't Sell His Property?
“I (F38) have been in a relationship with my partner (M47) for almost two years. Currently, we own one property each.
We’ve had the opportunity to buy a house together (50/50) at a great price.
I was hesitant because the credit of the house needed to be under my name and I would have to sell my property to pay my mortgage and then request a new one, but I agreed.
A few days later, he suggested that I put the money from the sale of my property towards the shared house.
I felt it was unfair because he wasn’t putting in extra money. He offered to put the same amount of money, with the condition of not selling his property. He told me that he would get a loan to match my part. FYI, the house will be only under my name due to his poor credit score, so I don’t know how he will get the loan.
After asking him why he wanted to keep his property, he mentioned that if we broke up, he would return to his property and I would keep the shared house. I tried to explain to him that if he left before we paid it, I wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for and maintain it on my own, so I would have to sell it and I might not have enough money to buy one for a while.
He thinks I would be winning because I would end up with a house that is more expensive than the one I currently own.
I feel that it is unfair to both of us and suggested that we either sell both properties or none at all and cancel the purchase.
So, I canceled the purchase.
Now he is telling me that I am being unreasonable and that he doesn’t understand my logic.
AITJ for not buying the house because I will need to sell my property and he won’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s near fifty and is still irresponsible.
Do not sell your property if he’s not willing to do the same. If the two of you break up you will end up with nothing while he still has his house.” Shadow4summer
Another User Comments:
“Depending on the state you live in, you could end up in court facing an unregistered domestic partnership (palimony) lawsuit.
(INAL, and this is way oversimplified but a divorce for unmarried couples.) He could force you to sell the property and get his portion of the equity or a refund of the monies he paid. Plus you may have to legally evict him from your property if he chooses to be difficult.
Best to either be married or not be married. Do not live like a married couple in any way. Do not commingle assets or money if unmarried.” throwaway113022
Another User Comments:
“Don’t buy a house with someone you are not married to. If he wants to stay in a house in your name, he should pay you rent.
Get a written agreement. What if he improves the house? I had a situation where my partner threatened to tear down a fence and remove other improvements. Divorce gives you a better dissolution negotiation position.” Gallogator1
7. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad Back Into My Life After He Kicked Me Out?
“I’m 18nb, my sister is 27f, and my dad is in his 50s. I’m also a parent to twin 18month olds which is relevant to this story. During the majority of this story, my sister was living her own life in another state.
She and I talk about once a month.
I got pregnant beginning of junior year and when my parents found out they made it clear that adoption was not an option and also that I was now scum of the earth. My mom completely stopped talking to me.
She would leave the room. My dad didn’t stop talking to me but he refused to spend time with me at all costs. I got a job because they stopped giving me anything except shelter. I took a bus to the hospital when I was in labor at 27 weeks because they refused to take me and I can’t afford the ambulance.
In all the weeks that my twins were in the NICU they didn’t ask about them or help. When they got out I got yelled at if they disturbed their sleep. I got yelled at if a pacifier dared to be in the main area.
Life kept on. Thankfully my friend’s mom was willing to watch them while I was at school and work. That was a lifesaver.
On my 18th birthday, my parents came to my room and kicked me out. Dad’s specific words were “Get your sinning jerk self and those illegitimate brats out of my darn house by the end of the day”.
Thankfully my friend’s mom came to the rescue again.
This morning I got a call from her saying that dad had a minor heart attack and has now said that he regrets kicking me out and not being a part of his grandchildren’s life.
I told her that he made his choice and can now deal with it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you could use all the help you can get. I would talk to your friend’s mom. She’s currently supporting you and would make a good confidant regarding this; has she made any indications that this arrangement is temporary?
At the end of the day, it is your choice.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like you said he made his choice to push you of their lives, and now he can deal with the consequences. I’d also consider cutting your sister, aunt, and uncle out of your life too.
Your sister knows your parents cut you out of their lives, not the other way around. I’m assuming your aunt & uncle are aware of this as well, so for the three of them to somehow shift the blame to you is ridiculous. How can you take away something they didn’t want to begin with?” SuperDuece
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However… you could make your life and that of your kids easier, by holding your family responsible. Does your father regret what he did? Why? What does that mean? They set you up to fail. Termination or adoption were both not an option, so what did they think you should’ve done?
Other than ‘not get violated’? He wants to be part of his grandkids’ lives. What does that mean? Does he realize that being a grandparent is not just the pictures for social media, but also helping your kid out, in whatever possible way? It means helping with payments when your kid is struggling financially.
It means either watching the kids or helping to pay for child care. I know people will say ‘Being a grandparent is not just paying for things’. But I do believe it’s part of it. Make sure your grandchildren are taken care of if your child is struggling.
The way I see it, the reason OP is struggling, is because her parents left her zero options not to.” Special_Lychee_6847
6. AITJ For Wanting To Return My Parents' Thoughtless Graduation Gift?
“I (22F) graduated from college last May and received a $25 Starbucks gift card from my parents (both 60) as a graduation gift. Now, I’m not someone who needs a huge gift or anything, but this hurt my feelings for other reasons.
Firstly, though my parents don’t care about this, I’ve been participating in the Starbucks boycott for months now (this has been incredibly easy for me for reasons that will become obvious).
Secondly, even if I wasn’t boycotting, I still wouldn’t use the gift card. I don’t like coffee or tea. I have never liked coffee or tea. This is something my parents know as I repeat it often when they ask if I want anything or to try their drink.
I know that Starbucks sells food, but I honestly don’t even like their food offerings that much, either. Especially not enough to go out of my way to get them. Lastly, my dad bought a bunch of gift cards from Starbucks for his company this past winter as part of a little raffle thing.
I’m almost certain my parents gave me this gift card not because they went out of their way to get me something, but because they had it lying around. To be honest, that almost hurts more because it shows it wasn’t even “special”, it was just convenient.
It’s now been over four months and I still haven’t used the gift card and have no plans to. Here’s where I venture into jerk territory. They don’t even know how I feel about this. They sent it to me in a card and technically don’t even have confirmation I received it.
If I give it back to them (my dad goes to Starbucks every other day so he would certainly use it), I know they’ll ask where I got it. I see no point in lying to them, and I’d just tell them it was their graduation gift to me.
As far as I can remember, and I’ve racked my brain, this was their only grad gift to me so it wasn’t a part of something larger. I want to reiterate that I don’t expect a lavish gift, but it hurt my feelings to see how little thought my parents put into something for me.
A selfish part of me wants them to know it hurt me and wants to hurt them back. WITBJ if I gave it back to them?”
Another User Comments:
“Reminds me of the time my parents gave me a gift certificate to Omaha Steak Co for Christmas when they knew I was vegan at the time.
So I, in turn, gave them a gift certificate for something equally useless to them for their anniversary. We never talked about it, and a gift so thoughtless never happened again. I never did use the gift certificate.” ShannyGasm
Another User Comments:
“You are overthinking.
Thank your parents politely and give the card to a homeless person. Give them Starbucks cards of equal value for their birthdays. Low cost, no stress. We don’t have the whole story. Either they are thoughtless in which case they are the jerks, or broke after paying your tuition, in which case YTJ.” mom_in_the_garden
Another User Comments:
“You should edit this to add that they paid for your college tuition, which for a lot of people would be the lavish “gift.” In your comments, you also mentioned that you were cleaning your room and now remember the gift cards; if it wasn’t worth broaching when you originally received your gift it’s certainly a weird flex now.
If you take the advice of people telling you to give the morally objectionable gift card during the holidays or Father’s Day, please be prepared to have a conversation about that tuition that you omitted in the actual post when it comes to discussions of gratitude.
YTJ.” anotherintro
5. AITJ For Demanding My Niece Pay Back For Stolen Perfumes?
“I have a perfume collection that I started when I was a teenager slinging burritos as my first job. I have over 400 bottles at this point, I take great pride in my collection, and I use it. I’m also happy to give people decants (samples) of most of my bottles, let them sample a spray or two, give some bottles as gifts, etc.
What I have a huge issue with is my 17-year-old niece coming into my home under the guise of walking my dog, decanting bottles on her own, and selling the samples to her little friends. She thinks that because I have so many bottles, I wouldn’t notice some missing or getting massive dents in them.
Well, little Miss Entrepreneur failed to realize that her “private” Instagram wasn’t “friends only” and I saw every story with each price and sample she had.
I tallied that up and got a pretty good estimate based on cost per ounce. Thankfully she mostly picked the “Tiktok famous” perfumes like Bianco Latte and Escapade Gourmand and didn’t go for the rarest, niche perfumes.
She did snatch an entire 2.5 oz bottle of Baccarat Rouge, though, which runs $300+ at most retailers, as well as full bottles of perfumes you can get at Sephora. Like Marc Jacobs Daisy, Burberry Her Elixir, Flowerbomb, etc.
Petty or not, I printed out the entire list of what she’d taken, price estimate, and handed it off to my sister (her mom).
I said that I expect to be paid back, in full. And of course, her sneaky little self is never allowed in my home again. My sister got super upset with me going on about how my niece is just a kid, kids make mistakes, etc. I said yes, kids make mistakes, and this is a great way for my niece to learn from hers.
They argued that now the money she was going to use for a car had to go towards paying me back. I don’t care. She is lucky that I have no interest in involving the police, small claims, or any of that. But AITJ, because she IS a teenager?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see from the fact that her mom considers a 17-year-old “just a kid,” as if she were a 5-year-old who stole a cookie before dinner, has caused her to act very entitled. She made a series of decisions to steal from you and profit from it.
And she’s either “just a kid” when she’s stealing pricey scents, or she’s an almost adult saving up for a car; can’t have it both ways on your dime. You’ll be teaching her a better lesson than her mom bothered to.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how her not having a car is your problem. The money she has for the car is made from selling perfume she stole from you. She’s lucky the consequences are not more serious. I guess she won’t have a car until she figures out legitimate ways to earn money that doesn’t involve stealing.” sour_lemons
4. AITJ For Confronting A Family Feeding Animals At The Zoo?
“I, my wife, and her sister recently went to a local city zoo that rests in a park. This is a tiny zoo that has maybe 10-20 animals and has explicit rules about not feeding the animals.
My wife and I are only visiting this city since we live across the country, but where we live, not feeding animals/wildlife is taken very seriously as we live near Bear Country.
I saw a family not caring about the rules, 3 5 kids, a few moms, and an older man I’m assuming was their grandfather.
I approached them and sternly said,d “Guys do not feed the animals, it clearly says on the signs”. This was directed at the groups as a whole but I made eye contact with the grandfather as he was the one handing the food out.
The grandfather proceeded to tell me it’s the zoo and they’ll do what they lie and said he’d make me regret it iifdidn’tt leave.
I said forget it, walked away, and said I’ll just inform the staff (of which there were none I could find)
When gotget to the car this man followed us and decided to threaten my SIL that he had taken a photo of her license plate and called the police. Neither of us said anything and we left.
When we got home to SIL’s, my wife came to me and said that what I did was not ok, I’m not the police, and that I shouldn’t go around scaring families trying to have fun at the zoo.
While I understand how the threat at the end scared my SIL and my wife, I apologized for what happened and how it made them feel… but I tried to point out that the man following us and threatening us was the person in the wrong.
Wife wouldn’t budge that I’m the bad guy here so… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m Canadian and I used to live near a massive national park, so feeding the animals is such a no-no that it’s like culturally ingrained ATP.
Even in the context of the zoo, it’s wrong. They could make the animals very sick, plus, the animals they’re feeding could still be dangerous if they’re able to put their hands through the cages, etc. As we were always taught- if you do something stupid to an animal (feeding, approaching), and the animal reacts, the animal is the one punished/put down, not the human.
You also didn’t tell them off thinking that the people would go psycho and take your number plate. In risk assessing the situation, that’s not a normal risk to account for. Insane behavior from the other family. Edited for clarity” Proper-Ad-8829
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you probably shouldn’t have said that you would inform the staff, just done it (I would have thought you’d be able to find someone at the entrance even if not elsewhere) I think also it can be better to say something that is not an instruction – e.g., “I notice you’re giving the animals food – I don’t know if you noticed that the signs ask people not to feed the animals” – it gets the same message across if they are simply clueless and may be less likely to provoke aggression or retaliation so it’s safer / wiser., plus you are not assuming any authority (that you don’t have)” ProfessorYaffle1.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure I would personally have approached the family myself, because I wouldn’t have wanted the confrontation but I would have made a point of finding an employee to report the behavior, even if I’d had to leave my group to do so.
What those people were doing was very dangerous. They don’t know the animals and in addition to possibly making the animals sick, they could get bitten by them, and that’s a perfect way for a small little zoo to end up having to close” SubstantialQuit265.3
3. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Half-Siblings To Attend A School Event?
“I (15F) have divorced parents with split custody. My dad and his wife have four kids (10M, 7F, 3F, and an under 1-year-old).
My dad and wife tend to get stressed easily so they go out a few times a month and I’m always asked to watch my step/half-siblings.
I love my step/half-siblings and I’ve watched them a few times but it’s overwhelming. The baby is fussy and needs to be held 24/7, 3F is destructive, 7F always wants to do something with me and I just can’t so she throws fits and screams. Then, 10M is sweet, but he gets away with a lot of things he’s always excused from being a boy so when I’m watching, he thinks he can do whatever he wants.
My dad’s house is perpetually messy and I’m expected to clean it. There have been times when they haven’t kept much food in the fridge so I’m expected to pay for pizza with my own money too. I’m also supposed to be watching them for 1-2 hours but it always turns to more and I have missed events because of it.
I’ve come up with ways to deal with it. I’ve joined a lot of clubs/stay to study for my classes so they aren’t able to leave the kids home alone until I get home from school to watch them anymore. I can always do volunteering over the weekend too, so they can’t just leave the house unannounced anymore.
I’m on my dad’s time this week and on Friday they asked me to watch the kids yesterday because they were overwhelmed and needed a night to themselves. (They would be gone from 5-7 but I know it would be more like 5-10). My older step-brother (mom’s side) was going to help with his school game around the same time, so I asked if I could come and he said yes.
I told my dad and his wife last minute and they said fine but then I started getting texts from them about being really upset they had to miss their night together and I’m being selfish. I just don’t know if what I did was right or not.
I know they’re very burnt out and they’re family so I could’ve just helped but at the same time I’m just tired.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being parentified. It can be considered mistreatment in extreme cases (yours is trending that way). You are not the parent of the children.
You are not an adult. They are. They chose this life. “Dad – I understand you need a break. Try care.com so you and SM can have one. But stop asking me to watch your children multiple times a month/week. I’m not in the family to be free (or even paid) labor.” And if you’re feeling snarky/bold: “We all know how babies are made and how they are prevented. If you guys didn’t want so many of them, then there were options to prevent so many young kids.” Can you request a new visitation/custody schedule?
At your age, most courts take in the minor’s preference.” PracticalPrimrose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their children are their responsibility, not yours. And 4 children is an awful lot to expect a 15-year-old to watch, especially with one of them being a fussy baby. If they need a break, they need to hire a proper babysitter for an actual wage, not just pawn them off on a teenager.
Dad’s weekend should be his opportunity to spend time with you, not his chance to get out of his other responsibilities.” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keep avoiding being “free” to babysit. Who cares if they are “burned out”? Not your problem. They are using you to make their lives easier.
Stop cleaning anyone’s homes for them. You are not a maid. LOL (Regular chores, like keeping your room clean, are, of course, acceptable.) Take homework/laptop/backpack with you everywhere you go and say you just have to study, have to get this that done, etc. (Fake homework is fine, too.)” hadMcDofordinner
2. AITJ For Agreeing With My Mom That My Wife's Inability To Cook Is Pathetic?
“I (28M) have been married to my wife (31F) for about a year. Overall, things are great, but one thing that’s been bugging me is that my wife doesn’t know how to cook—at all. I’ve always been the one to handle meals, which I was fine with in the beginning because I enjoy cooking.
But over time, it’s started to wear on me, especially when I come home after a long day at work and still have to cook dinner while she relaxes. She refuses to cook and claims there is nothing wrong with not being able to cook.
It’s been an ongoing issue between us. I have been trying to teach her but she is really bad at it. We’ve had many conversations about this.
The other night, my mom (56F) came over for dinner. As usual, I was in the kitchen preparing everything, and my wife was sitting with my mom.
At one point, my mom offered to help, and I asked if she could make the gravy or cut some fruit. My wife was standing around in the kitchen when my mom handed her a knife and asked her to cut some fruit while she handled the gravy.
My wife couldn’t figure out how to hold it properly and ended up making a mess. My mom watched her fail to cut the fruit and then blurted out, “It’s honestly kind of pathetic that you don’t even know how to cut a piece of fruit at your age.” She then went behind her and started to guide her on how to cut stuff like you do with a kid.
My wife kinda shrugged and finished cutting her fruit with my mom guiding her. Dinner happens and I noticed my wife was not happy the whole night.
My mom left and she was upset. She said I didn’t defend her, and that I embarrassed her by letting it happen.
We got into a bad argument and I told her that it is pathetic she can not even cut fruit. She is older than me and can’t hold a knife properly. She told me that was not the point that I needed to defend her and that it was not her fault she was bad at cooking.
I pointed out it is, and she is embarrassed because not being able to hold a knife properly is embarrassing for an adult.
My wife thinks I am a huge jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Does she do the dishes/help cleanup? I don’t think it matters which partner does the cooking necessarily as long as the other is helping and the standard deal that almost everyone seems to follow is that if one person cooks, the other person cleans up.
In my house, my wife usually cooks and I usually clean, which is fine because she enjoys cooking and is good (I’m OK, I can cook but she’s better). My mom and stepfather though are essentially the opposite… she gets home from work late usually and isn’t a great cook anyway, so he cooks and she does the dishes.
And yes, it is kinda pathetic that she can’t even use a knife. Even if you aren’t a good cook, you should at least be able to figure out how to hold a knife, that’s just silly.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Your mom shouldn’t have called her pathetic, and I can see why your wife would be hurt that you didn’t say anything to defend her.
You shouldn’t have called her pathetic either. That isn’t constructive and will only make her feel hurt and defensive. It isn’t fair for her to expect you to do all the cooking, and needs to make a reasonable effort to learn. Especially something as basic as holding a knife.
Did she not have a parent who could teach her? It might not necessarily be her fault that she never learned when she was young, but she does need to be open to learning more now so it doesn’t all fall to you. As an adult, she’s the only one responsible now for her gaps in knowledge and has ample resources to fill them.
At this point, it’s weaponized incompetence on her part since she refuses to even try. Insulting someone is the best way to kill their want to learn. If you and your mom make this a negative experience for her, she will not want to learn.
You need to sit down and have an adult conversation with her, that cooking everything has been too much on you, and you’d like to bond with her by helping her learn to cook. Maybe you could even get one of those subscription boxes like HelloFresh once a week, an easy meal with all of the ingredients and recipe to follow, and you two can make a couple’s night out of it?” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Pathetic is a pretty vicious thing to call someone. Not every opinion needs to be voiced aloud. I suspect you liked your mom slamming your wife’s lack of cooking skills because it felt like a win for you. But it felt like a loss for your wife, and it felt like another loss when you just sat there and let her eat that attack.
I suspect the effect of it all is that your wife will be much more resistant to help with the cooking, so this will turn out to be a lose-lose situation.” StopSpinningLikeThat
1. AITJ For Insisting On A Traditional Thanksgiving Meal Despite My Brother's Veganism?
“I (31F) and my brother Mark (35M) do not get along.
When he was a teen he saw a documentary on factory farming and decided to become a vegetarian. He got very, very annoying about it quickly, but my dad shut him down when he started trying to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him.
Then he went to college, made a bunch of very strange friends, and went militantly vegan. It’s his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after he threw a fit about one of my birthday dinners being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages and social media with pictures of mistreated cows.
My parents have been trying to repair the situation and for a while, it did seem like Mark was getting better so I’ve been letting him back into contact gradually. Then he started seeing Pam, who is some kind of vegan influencer. She is moderately popular online, but I have no idea what she does exactly.
I don’t know if Mark was trying to impress her or what, but last Thanksgiving he insisted that Mom cook at least a vegetarian meal or they wouldn’t come on “ethical grounds”. My mom just wanted everyone to get along on her favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal.
This year, my parents have downsized for retirement and my mom is having health problems. I bought their house when they moved, so my mom asked me to host Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make travel arrangements and Pam immediately started gushing about all the vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the traditional ones.
I said to send me a main dish recipe they like and I would give it a shot, but I’m making the traditional meal otherwise and there should still be plenty of things they can eat. Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn’t make a meat-free meal they wouldn’t come.
This upset my mom, who asked me to just make what she made last year to keep the peace, but I told her that Mark needs to get over himself and I’m not coddling him. I’m having turkey on Thanksgiving.
My dad privately agrees with me, but Mark’s threatening to not come is upsetting my mom so much that he’s worried it will impact her health.
There’s a not big, but also not zero chance that these might be some of the last family holidays we have with her. My mom thinks I’m putting turkey over my own family and I’m not so sure anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not putting turkey over family—Mark is putting tofurkey over family. You’ve reasonably accommodated enough with a vegan option. Mark doesn’t get to hold holidays hostage because of his own dietary choices. That’s ridiculous. If Mark wants to pitch a fit, that’s him.
I feel very sorry for your mom, she’s the one suffering most here. But she needs to realize that Mark is the one causing this family divide, and it isn’t fair to everyone else to cater to his demands.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve even offered to cook them a vegan main dish, which is pretty above and beyond (I think most people would just tell them to bring their food). Seems like they are taking the position that not only are they vegan, but they are essentially forcing it on everyone else by refusing to come, which is ridiculous.
If your mom is getting upset, it’s because of Mark’s actions, not yours… it’s not fair for everyone else to have to comply with his demands. If he cares about your mom, he would put her feelings first.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“Honestly a strange hill for him to die on but… My sis prob saw the same documentary at 15 and has been veg for decades.
That being said She brings a lot of her dishes to Thanksgiving and eats what fits her meal plan but understands that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Your body your choice. Thanksgiving is literally about getting together and being grateful for that time. Mark needs to relax and let people live.
There will be plenty for him to eat and they can easily make a few dishes to contribute. I would let him skip if that’s what he needs to do but ultimately it’s sad and petty.” HellerrrItsMe
